Gifts for boyfriends birthday 17

Sorry for the story being all over the place.
I do not know where to start with this post. When I, F23, (lets call him Ryan) started meeting up with Ryan, 25y/o (january 2023, we are in a long distance relationship), i was in a deep depression from experiencing severe trauma and Ryan was the first man that ever made me feel loved. He gave me gifts, his time and energy and just made me feel loved in a way i had never experienced before with a man. This lasted for a while before I noticed that he pulled away a little from the affection (which I thought was normal since I was so depressed and probably a bit of a burden to be around). Him being cold only lasted a little before the affection was back and I felt calm. I then noticed that he had hid important information away from me for months. This included aggressive behaviour and the use of illegal substances. I was clearly upset and he said he had hid this from me because he did not want me to leave him. Being with him felt and feels like a rollercoaster. He is very hot and cold and it used to give me loads of anxiety. I then found out numerous posts about me on his reddit page which included topics like: "i keep getting obsessed with girls and sometimes it only takes a Hi from a girl to become obsessed, im in love with a girl i only spoken to on the phone and i sent this girl gifts to her house after only talking for a few days (im the one he sent gifts to)". This year went by including loads of ups and downs which I guess is normal for a first healthy relationship. He still showed me and shows affection but it was a lot less than in the beginning which i also thought was normal.
This year he has been affectionate, loving and caring in periods of time, not always but it has unfortionately been enough for me to stay. Things have happened this year as well. I´m a strong advocate for not watching porn in a relationship and we both agreed not to watch it. I then found out that he had been watching porn behind my back and I got so upset because I feel like it is cheating. After crying so much, i know for a fact that he has done it again. I feel like staying in this relationship is not taking care of myself. By him being hot and cold like this, ive been having to really struggle and build myself up to become an individual that will feel fine on my own, so for that I have to thank him for. When I tried to talk to him about something that was bothering me because it keeps happening even though i mention it to him (his constant critisism, micromanaging, no compromising, stone walling and selfish behaviour) he fell asleep during the day and during this conversation. I left the apartment because I felt deeply hurt and had to go for a walk and then he came up running after me in the forest which scared the living shit out of me. He says I´m overly sensitive.
I´ve been trying to have deep conversations with him and I´ve tried to talk to him about what is bothering me but he never apologises, validates me or even listens to me. It makes me not even bother to talk to him anymore after the incident I mentioned above. He does not even feel like kissing me. He knows how traumatised I am and the fact that I hate abrupt screams and abrupt physical movements but he has done it either way. He also screams at his mom sometimes because he wants to be heard first. His mom is an angel and I´ve had to tell him to stop treating his mom like that.
I feel like I´m a shell of the person I used to be. My self confidence have been at an all time low and I forgot who I was before him. I have been doing hundreds of hours researching how to be a better girlfriend, how to understand him better, how to communicate efficiently because i always felt like i was the issue and that it was my fault for being so anxious and sensitive. I feel happier when I´m not around him because I really enjoy my own company and the way I´ve let myself flourish on my own.
His selfishness includes the lack of compromising, that he expects hours of massages but sighs if I want it returned, our activities has to be of his liking and he would never do something just because it´s something I want to do. I rarely feel stimulated by our conversations either. I feel like he loves me for what I do for him and the fact that he is not alone but not for me as a person and that is why he keeps me around.
Is it worth staying with him or not?
TLDR: My boyfriends lack of respect for me and his lies makes me doubt that I want to stay in this relationship.
Thanks for reading. I appreciate it a lot.

Me and my dismissive avoidant ex broke up in June. He claimed it was for mental health reasons, I stayed and tried my best to support him. We had a conversation not long after where we both maintained we would maintain loyalty. A few weeks later someone tells me he’s on bumble, I could not believe it as he had never lied to me before. His bumble profile said he was ‘he was looking for a relationship’ it just didn’t make sense. But I left it, as he had told me at the time that his friends had created his profile not him. During summer he was diabolical, name calling, telling me he never loved me, just acting up in general. Things did cool down, and eventually we started seeing each other again. My birthday came around and I mentioned that I thought we would do something together, he got mad at me said I was ‘questioning him and calling him a liar’, so I waited.. and waited.. he never ended up doing anything for my birthday. On what would’ve been our 1 year anniversary, he told me he told his co-worker that.. your co-worker??? We met afterwards and he reassured me again and again he would never use the dating app. Fast forward to 2 weeks before Christmas we met to eat, and while discussing a couple we knew dealing with cheating in their relationship, he assured me he would never do that to me. While I knew that we were not ‘official’ I believe there was an understanding based on loyalty. 2 weeks after he supposedly went on bumble matched with someone in Scotland (a whole different country), returned my birthday gift, and first week of February when we were meant to go out to eat he told me just hours before he had switched days with his ex partner in taking care of his child and therefore couldn’t make it. I believed him. I just found out he had actually travelled to Scotland met this 35 year old lady and they had sex - he’s 26. He claims there was not cheating. The whole thing is just diabolical. He had now come back after 4 months of no contact, claiming he was ‘just toxic’.
I told him, that all I expect from him is to cut contact with her so we can try working on us, he’s said he won’t as ‘she didn’t do anything to me’. It’s just cowardly, as he told me it was not worth losing me over but she’s out here posting pics of their date over and over again, so she probs is being led to believe this will become more. Overall the whole situation smells of selfishness, and heartlessness.

Advice needed please!
Trying out a nuzlocke-esque* play through of Run and Bun. I'm relatively new to nuzlocking but have done some on vanilla games in the past, this is my first try out of an ultra-hard ROM hack.
I've got through the early game split deathless, and with some good mons in tow, but I've been stuck on a decent plan for Brawly and just can't see a way through. No catch on Togedemaru or Vivilon means I don't really have a decent answer, and I expect the only consistent solution involves a sack or two.
Particularly tricky is the retaliate/eject button on Lopunny, and Hitmontop's pursuit locking me in.
The best I've got so far goes something along these lines:
Team = Exeggcute / Ponyta / Monferno / Lombre / Diggersby / SLOT FREE

• Lead with Exeggcute > sleep powder the sucker punch and knock out with double confusion.
• Baits in Combusken w/Incinerate > switch to Ponyta and can then 2HKO with bounces.
• Leaves Ponyta @ ~20%hp
• Then Lopunny comes in on boosted retaliate. Swap to Monferno who can take the hit, then quick attack to trigger eject.
• This baits Poliwhirl, so I swtich to Lombre and duke it out with slow mega-drains. This should KO w/ Lombre @ ~50% health (after Oran berry recovery).
• Lopunny is back again, so this time Diggersby takes the boosted hit. I mud shot to slow down, and with Oran/Cheek Pouch can stay healthy and knock out with a Double Kick.
• Then Hitmontop comes in and... I'm kind of stuck. He would likely go for Mach Punch but there is nothing I could switch to that can a) take the hit and b) not get OHKO by Rock Slide (FletchindeYanma) or just get out-paced on speed (e.g. back to Exeggcute).
• Added problem is even if I do find a way through without rinsing the remains of my team, I haven't even got to Scraggy yet who likely just sweeps up.

I still have my rare candy and two heart scales to invest. Potentially could get bounce on Diggersby @ level 22, but the calcs suggest it doesn't particularly help. Chewtle evolves into Dreadnaw but that also doesn't really solve the Hitmontop/Scraggy issues.
I've attached my showdown script with the full box.
Am I missing something? If anyone has any useful advice for this fight in general, or simply thinks I just need to brace to go back to the truck then that would be really helpful!
Thanks

Exeggcute @ Oran Berry Ability: Chlorophyll Level: 21 Rash Nature IVs: 7 HP / 9 Atk / 22 Def / 30 SpA / 24 SpD / 6 Spe - Bullet Seed - Confusion - Sleep Powder - Psybeam Diggersby @ Oran Berry Ability: Cheek Pouch Level: 21 Relaxed Nature IVs: 16 HP / 17 Atk / 17 Def / 30 SpA / 3 SpD / 31 Spe - Take Down - Mud Shot - Dig - Double Kick Monferno @ Oran Berry Ability: Vital Spirit Level: 21 Lonely Nature IVs: 31 HP / 31 Atk / 18 Def / 14 SpA / 23 SpD / 31 Spe - Flame Wheel - Low Sweep - Fire Spin - Mach Punch Ponyta Ability: Flame Body Level: 21 Hasty Nature IVs: 22 HP / 3 Atk / 31 Def / 7 SpA / 26 SpD / 20 Spe - Flame Wheel - Stomp - Bounce - Ember Seadra @ Oran Berry Ability: Sniper Level: 21 Naughty Nature IVs: 26 HP / 24 Atk / 4 Def / 0 SpA / 10 SpD / 13 Spe - Bubble Beam - Smokescreen - Clear Smog - Twister Lombre @ Oran Berry Ability: Swift Swim Level: 21 Hasty Nature IVs: 10 HP / 6 Atk / 21 Def / 1 SpA / 16 SpD / 12 Spe - Fake Out - Natural Gift - Mega Drain - Bubble Beam Nosepass Ability: Sturdy Level: 21 Lonely Nature IVs: 26 HP / 1 Atk / 22 Def / 10 SpA / 24 SpD / 18 Spe - Thunder Wave - Spark - Ancient Power - Rock Throw Tentacool Ability: Liquid Ooze Level: 21 Lax Nature IVs: 15 HP / 23 Atk / 31 Def / 20 SpA / 3 SpD / 30 Spe - Poison Sting - Water Pulse - Confuse Ray - Acid Buizel Ability: Water Veil Level: 21 Adamant Nature IVs: 21 HP / 24 Atk / 21 Def / 13 SpA / 9 SpD / 20 Spe - Aqua Jet - Sonic Boom - Water Pulse - Fake Out Hitmonlee Ability: Reckless Level: 21 Gentle Nature IVs: 18 HP / 23 Atk / 30 Def / 23 SpA / 29 SpD / 13 Spe - Tackle - Double Kick - Fake Out - Foresight Fletchinder Ability: Flame Body Level: 21 Bashful Nature IVs: 25 HP / 14 Atk / 3 Def / 28 SpA / 19 SpD / 12 Spe - Flame Charge - Growl - Quick Attack - Aerial Ace Yanma Ability: Compound Eyes Level: 21 Impish Nature IVs: 5 HP / 11 Atk / 4 Def / 3 SpA / 5 SpD / 23 Spe - Bug Bite - Air Cutter - Detect - Quick Attack Cufant Ability: Sheer Force Level: 21 Careful Nature IVs: 19 HP / 18 Atk / 21 Def / 1 SpA / 29 SpD / 21 Spe - Stomp - Bulldoze - Rock Throw - Rock Smash Palpitoad Ability: Poison Touch Level: 21 Adamant Nature IVs: 18 HP / 19 Atk / 23 Def / 6 SpA / 10 SpD / 29 Spe - Bubble - Mud Shot - Mud-Slap - Bubble Beam Chewtle Ability: Strong Jaw Level: 21 Hardy Nature IVs: 15 HP / 18 Atk / 10 Def / 14 SpA / 29 SpD / 14 Spe - Headbutt - Water Pulse - Bite - Ice Fang Eelektrik Ability: Levitate Level: 21 Mild Nature IVs: 18 HP / 9 Atk / 12 Def / 22 SpA / 17 SpD / 27 Spe - Thunder Wave - Spark - Shock Wave - Crunch 

\By nuzlocke esque I mean I keep to the core principles (e.g. one mon per area/route, faint = death etc.) but I'll be pretty liberal in clausing away misplays. This is for fun not glory!*

Please don't post this on tiktok or any other platform. I have been in a tense relationship with my ex since I was 17, had a child with him and it was downhill from there. It goes from him always being gone, fights, sometimes physical and cheating. A lot of bad on both of our ends. We broke up but he kept trying to get me back. I finally agreed to make it work for our child's sake. I grew up in a old fashioned family mindset with Christian views. I didn't want to be with him but with my family pressuring me and saying my child will resent me.Well, while back together I received texts and pictures that he was sleeping with another woman and she was pregnant. She induced herself on my daughters birthday. Yes, she knew he and I were together and still pursued him. Yes, she had the baby on my daughters birthday on purpose. She wanted me out of the way but people focused on that being in the past and I needed to get over it and forgive him. I did not handle it gracefully, didn't want to deal with it. I gave him an ultimatum. He never gave an answer so I moved on. During my time grieving, I met this amazing man who is my now significant other. He is kind, sweet, patient, respectful. We stayed friends for a year before becoming more. We became a couple and shared a few certain things. I gave my daughter an old phone of mine, and I made sure to delete everything. Well, my ex took and got into my Google account and Snapchat. Found the pictures and sent them to my entire family and downloaded it all for himself. Yes, he admitted he will use it for himself until he finds someone. My family says I should take my ex back because I hurt him deeply and he still loves me, that I am cruel for not wanting to do with the baby that isn't mine because none of this was its fault. I have nothing against the baby, I just want nothing to do with it or the mother. I love my current partner, but with years of mental and emotional manipulation I am struggling with my morals and wants. My mother is telling me I am in the wrong for not telling my ex about my current partner because my ex apparently sat around doing nothing but believing we were getting back together. I did not lead him on nor did I give him the belief that I wanted to be with him. After years of dealing with this and liatening to my family, I am honestly mentally and emotionally struggling with all of this. I don't like the idea of hurting people but I am always the one hurt. Am I in the wrong?

TW: childhood neglect and verbal abuse - me remembering so many things after last night's session. I just need to tell someone! I repressed this childhood since I moved out of my parents. It's like I died that day and moved on like a robot.
It is as though the illusion I've kept up for the past 24 years of me being always 'happy' and living a happy childhood just shattered entirely.
I have this diary I wrote in a lot in 2014, which is from exactly 10 years ago when I was 14. I cherished it a lot and sometimes would look into it to remember the old days. However, just last week I looked into it again after several months of being more focussed on my mental health (and especially on my childhood & parents.). This time, I saw something entirely different in this cute colorful happy diary.
All I see now, is how I was suffering. Suffering alone and always walking on eggshells. Nothing was ever good enough. Almost every page I refer to 'future me', the one who will understand me. I didn't get that from my parents. Old me, who will listen to how I am feeling and give me the comfort and soothing I so desperately needed.
I write about how I was completely exhausted from highschool, and then constantly bash myself with extremly self critical words. I have pictures of me in there with apologies for being ugly, and stories of 'how I didn't work hard enough'. Several pages describe forms of catastrophizing over the smallest mundane things.
In some pages, I casually mention a family member I dearly loved dying but then downplay it with something else. It's ups and downs by the sentence "It was my birthday yesterday, I had a great time! I am exhausted and drained and school is horrible. I did get a nice gift. I hope grandma stays alive" etc.
All this time I was happily keeping up this story of how happy I was. How I had such loving parents who where always there for me. They would shower me with gifts they could barely afford.
In my house, there were no rules. There was no bedtime. There was no structure - no breakfast together or chores I had to do. Everyone was jealous of me, because I was so free, but child and teenage me were constantly longing for someone to care.
I would be gone from home as much as I could. The atmosphere was so hectic. One day you'd come home to a happy loving mom who has all the patience and curiousity to hear about my day and my struggles. The other I would walk in and get scolded about how I was nothing. One day she was willing to help me with my feelings and emotions, but in other days she'd scold me for having them! I should be strong because according to mom, she's cyinic, and the world is 'angry and cruel. The world is unfair.' Now get up and don't wallow in your sadness and self-pity.
It's like they would give a gift sometimes, just to then call me ungrateful every day after. According to them I was unthankful, selfish, and my mom said I'd act as if the world revolved only around me. If I'd say "huh, I never said that?! I would never say such a thing?" she said "that is just what you think you are doing. But in reality, you're ruining it for everyone".
Eitherway, after going through the entire diary without skipping a page, I remembered I once made a video of my mom attacking me. I looked it up, and for the first time in 8 years I had the mental energy to watch it. My jaw dropped to the floor. I never even saw someone act so horrible before but it's me going through it....
t's like my world shattered. My mom was treating me absollutely horribly in this video. I don't even remember! You can see her face, and she is so scary! Here eyes look like pure hurt, as if she was throwing her own traumatic upbringing onto me and blaming me for it. She looks at me as if she's completely disgusted by me! The entire rant of hers is a complete mind trip where she downplays everything I say and spins it around as if I was just a burden who tried to make life for my parents worse.
I would never help with chores. Because, if I asked if she needed help, she didn't. I didn't have to do anything in the house but also did not know how to do anything. Then on other days she'd get angry I wasn't doing enough in the house and mention how our life should be about "giving and taking" and I should participate in that.
Now having read all of this, and watching some more video's of these attacks, I remember many things. How my parents would lock me up in the dark cold hallway because I had a "tantrum". They say it 'wasn't that long' but overstimulated and panicked todler me would bawl her eyes out. I felt so abandoned. In my life, alltogether, my strongest feeling is guilt. I feel guilty for everything. I feel shame. I feel ugly when I cry.
I only managed to teach myself how to release emotions in january this year. I never knew. I couldn't cry since years. When I finally managed this year, I'd notice I'd feel so ugly. My cries sound like my mom crying. She'd cry in our house regularly at some point. Really messy, really loud.
Because of constantly being told I wasn't doing enough, or that I didn't care, I wanted to please. I would muster up the courage and shun myself for how difficult and bad it felt to do so. I would ask her "mom, are you okay? Do you need a hug?"
She'd turn around on her desk chair and YELL. Loud. Screaming at me to get out of her face. Just get out of our life. This happened several times. I'd just walk away from the house. I felt so alone and unwanted. I never could do it right. My dad would just avoid my gaze.
Some days I would be begging my mom for a hug. Just for some attention. But she was so overstimulated that she couldn't even give me a touch. I would feel so lost and alone and just go outside and distract myself with imaginary games. I remember because of this, the moments where I would overheat my parents show off to parents of friends of mine how "I was such an easy kid" and how I could entertain myself and be happy for hours. The other parents would be jealous. I wouldn't know why this would make me cry
My life first going to school was just sheer terror. I felt so abandoned. Every time mom dropped me off I'd kling around her leg crying and screaming. Then afterwards, I wouldn't want to go home either. I remember how later in my childhood I still felt guilty for this behavior, because mom must have been so ashamed. I'd hang around teachers and daycare adults all the time. I wanted to hug everyone, because that was what I so desperately wanted.
My dad could never give hugs. Sometimes he'd allow it, but it would feel so distant. If my mom was starting to freak out about me, he'd sometimes intervere and call me to 'it's done now!' and 'go to bed'! No matter the time. I'd lay in my bed, just trying to curl up and feel somewhat comfortable.
In primary school, I would constantly visit friends. It continued in highschool too. I had two music classes and sports, so for four days a week I was settled after school - not having to go home immediately. Home didn't feel safe. It wasn't a constant. Some days there would be dinner at a nicely put dinner table and we'd eat together, some days I'd just eat some bread myself.
Some days mom would just be lying in bed. I found a video, that's why I remember. She would'nt get out until the beginning of the evening. This was in the time she would normally make me some lunch, or ya-know, take care of me. Suddenly I'd have to do everything alone.
I was constantly entertaining myself with imaginary friends at home. I'd play outside until I was 17 or so, alone. My cat was pure innocence and love but when I told my parents he was 'coughing' they didn't want to believe me. They only took him to the vet when it was too late and never apologized or were able to own up for this.
When I was 14 I wrote in my diary I was looking forwards to visit grandma. She's my mom's mom, and I would sometimes spend up to a week there just to be able to relax and be loved unconditionally. My mom would terroize me with her stress and anger and accusations to a point I couldn't focus on school. I wrote how she'd come into my room calling me names and how I couldn't read my homework papers through the tears.
My dad was never really there. He'd choose himself to be out of the house in the morning before mom and I'd be out and then when he was back he wouldn't make it further into the house than his TV chair. My parents would watch TV for hours when I was a kid. If I asked "what are you watching" they'd both go "Shhhh!". If I'd push it futher, the'd send me upstairs.
I feel like I spend so much time just hiding from my parents. Wheter it was upstairs in my bedroom all day, and night, or if it was outside. I now also remember just biking for hours crying hoping someone would stop and console me. I'd make the wrong friends and smoke weed at 16 just to stop the thoughts.
I would visit friends just because their house was calm and safe. I'd get a nice dinner there, and it would be a whole new experience. My parents would always be easily agitated. I am hyper senstive, hyper aware. I get uncomfortable just seeing them being uncomfortable. I remember I could already feel the energy from streets away. Sometimes I knew it would be wrong and I'd just bike somewhere else and go home later.
In one diary entry, I describe how my parents told me to write a letter to my dad's mom for her birthday. I finish the letter, and only then I allowed myself to take a shower and take care of myself. I would rot in bed, and rot in my dirty hair for days, just like mom. On other days she'd be so happy, she'd be re-decorating the entire house, invite me to go rollerskating.
But I also remember how many times my parents threatened to throw me out of the car. I remember how my 'reaction' to whatever they 'gave me' would never suffice. Then I would be the bad guy, for not being thankful.
My parents, they did everything for me. They paid for everythingg. Ya-da Ya-da, but I never had a proper hug from my dad. I don't know why he's even with my mom. I think he's a fun dude, but he's in mental pain. My mom told me way too young how her trauma's affected her. My dad's childhood would always be an excuse that I had to empathize with when I asked mom as a kid "if dad really loved me".
Other memories involve me running upstairs and then one parent following me. I don't remember getting hurt physically, but I remember all my life the pain I can see in their eyes.
If I look at pictures from my teenage years now, I can finally see the depression in my eyes. It took me up until this year to finally understand that having a clean kitchen and bathroom is something you do because you think you are worthy of a clean space. I had to get out of a depressionhole again over the years many times. I now realize the constant self critisism should have been self love. So that I would feel worthy of taking a shower and brushing my teeth.
I now see how what I saw as 'good experiences' are mostly just my parents taking me somewhere to do some activity and it just fits the perfect family picture. I was their only child but we'd celebrate christmas with many, many presents for me. But once my grandparents didn't live anymore, the birthday parties and tradition celebrations weren't hosted anymore by my parents. I wonder for who they truly did it. I was a golden child, but later in life I was just a burden.
I moved out the first chance I got. They didn't stop me. I was barely 17. I got into partying and drug abuse. I would sleep for weeks in bed. Barely ate. Then I would drag myself out of it again and have missed my mom's birthday. I was the one ruining the relationship to them.
I realized last year my parents had not called me for over 7 months. That was the first time I cried since the last time I did as teen. It's always coming from me.
My depression, my axieties and the treatment my parents gave me were never seen. It was never validated until I could finally read my diary with new eyes and watch those videos. I never got professional help but I will look for this now. I am really longing for someone to tell me what I was going through wasn't normal.
I did not remember this until yesterday, BUT, I am so used to being called weak, sensitive, a cry-baby, a bitch, for telling my mom how her verbal abuse made me feel. I feel so weird, how I repressed all of this for so long and the past years I tried so hard to still visit them and give them hugs and they felt good and now it all just feels fake and weird again.
Well yeah, so this is about everything that's been on my mind today. I feel totally weird. It's a tuesday and I couldnd't even work today. I am lost.

Me and my dismissive avoidant ex broke up in June. He claimed it was for mental health reasons, I stayed and tried my best to support him. We had a conversation not long after where we both maintained we would maintain loyalty. A few weeks later someone tells me he’s on bumble, I could not believe it as he had never lied to me before. His bumble profile said he was ‘he was looking for a relationship’ it just didn’t make sense. But I left it, as he had told me at the time that his friends had created his profile not him. During summer he was diabolical, name calling, telling me he never loved me, just acting up in general. Things did cool down, and eventually we started seeing each other again. My birthday came around and I mentioned that I thought we would do something together, he got mad at me said I was ‘questioning him and calling him a liar’, so I waited.. and waited.. he never ended up doing anything for my birthday. We met afterwards and he reassured me again and again he would never use the dating app. Fast forward to 2 weeks before Christmas we met to eat, and while discussing a couple we knew dealing with cheating in their relationship, he assured me he would never do that to me. While I knew that we were not ‘official’ I believe there was an understanding based on loyalty. 2 weeks after he supposedly went on bumble matched with someone in Scotland (a whole different country), returned my birthday gift, and first week of February when we were meant to go out to eat he told me just hours before he had switched days with his ex partner in taking care of his child and therefore couldn’t make it. I believed him. I just found out he had actually travelled to Scotland met this 35 year old lady and they had sex - he’s 26. He claims there was not cheating. The whole thing is just diabolical. He had now come back after 4 months of no contact, claiming he was ‘just toxic’.
I told him, that all I expect from him is to cut contact with her so we can try working on us, he’s said he won’t as ‘she didn’t do anything to me’. It’s just cowardly, as he told me it was not worth losing me over but she’s out here posting pics of their date over and over again, so she probs is being led to believe this will become more. Overall the whole situation smells of selfishness, and heartlessness.

After my x ended the relationship in a very abrupt, immature way, I have been doing a lot of self-reflection. Venting and chatting to others who have been in a similar situation has also helped.
I initially ended the relationship last yr, after 5yrs together. I still loved him, but I realized that he could not be the 1 I spend the rest of my life with. Living together, having many good moments, were overshadowed by his disrespect, lack of consideration, and intentions of cheating many times while we were together. Ever since I ended it, we tried to work through it, I allowed my feelings to be stronger than my self-respect. there was constant arguing and manipulation. I tried from my side, took him for breakfast a day before his birthday, since he was spending it with family, went to visit him again after they left. i got sick the next week but made plans for the weekend to make up for his birthday, so had to postpone but said we could chill instead. He refused to see me the entire week. I decided to visit some family who i haven't seen in years and see him after. He was livid, ignored me the entire day. He ended it the next day over the phone after a series of verbally abusive voice notes. he cut the call before i could say anything. I overlooked many red flags for the sake of 'working through things' and being naively in love. I realized he was a nice guy not a good guy

• love bombed me in the beginning, but always made time, effort showed he cared, so I believed he truly loved me.
• seeing family more than once p/m was an issue, if i had plans with my family (incl him) he argued that he/relationship is not a priority to me & I'm always putting them above him
• say how he could treat his work crush better than her current boyfriend. whenever i brought up such incidents he said "why would worry about that instead focus on us and all the good we share, I'm ungrateful for everything he has done"
• DM women on social media. after confronting, he replied to their stories and argued it's not the same and it's not like he met/slept with them (his mom supported and agreed with him). I communicated how it felt and it's affecting how I show up in the relationship.
• wanted a break while I was going through grief because his needs weren't being met. once I was better, he wanted me back. Did not want to see when I was sick. "I don't want to get sick. you could go to the doctor, why can't you stop by and see me?" he said
• made me think I was insecure for not being okay with him liking other girls, checking up on his ex or checking up on my friend who he thought was attractive. later found out he flirted with her, till today he argues that I took it out of context and "I want to show I care because it's your friend, like I care about your sister"
• severe social anxiety - whenever i left him (with mutual acquaintances) to help around at family gatherings, he would blow up when we got home saying "he's not a priority, how could i leave him, showed that family is more important than him"
• nothing i did was ever enough. even surprising him with lingerie, he would criticize how/what i could have done better
• breadcrumbing with promise of marriage (i dodged a bullet!) and romantic gestures
• felt like i was jumping through hoops and had to prove myself
• had a short temper and would take out his rage for unreasonable things (eg. not getting my card out fast enough at the till)
• around his family/outsiders he was extra nice, extra 'loving' to me as well. my (ex)friend dismissed my claim of him being a narcissist because he was so nice to her.
• His insecurities were so bad, he self-sabotaged. blamed everything on me
• in the middle of his rage fits, while verbally abusing me, he would say things like: "look you are next to me, you won't even show me any affection or ask about my day" this was bizarre because he expected me to still be normal even while he took his anger out on me, and I was in tears.

Just to name some of the issues I did not take seriously enough to end it earlier, I realized how easy it is to be emotionally abused and not be aware of it especially when its conflict mixed with affection & looking at just the good+chemistry. For months I had anxiety around him, cognitive dissonance even during the good times. He never took accountability, had no integrity. His image to others is so important. I was initially sad & heartbroken, had so much self-doubt from all the gaslighting and believing i was the one that destroyed a 'good' relationship, but came to the conclusion that he only wanted me for how I made him feel & filled his voids/needs because when I was ill/down it was when his mask came off. I have so much to offer as a person compared to him, and yet I allowed his insecurities and my feelings for him, to make me feel like I'm not worthy. had so much regret and resentment, now I hold pride in me being a genuine person, staying loyal, being kind and having integrity despite everything he put me through
I'm finally closing this chapter and glad for all the lessons I needed to learn and finally learning about boundaries. And to also come back to this if ever he has to reach out lol.

Setting: Philippines 🇵🇭
So a while back at 2022 I met this girl who was unexpectedly lives close to ours and I knew her family well. She was 19 at the time and I 16. I like her because she has interesting ideas and is fun to talk to. Soon after I like like her and we became best friends. I noticed her red flags but I chose to stand by her because I hadn't had a girlfriend my entire life ,and as dumb as I am, I chose her out of impulse for my feelings to be satisfied of the curiosity.
When we became together it was so fucked up. I don't wanna talk about it in much detail but it we've met only 2 months.
Skipping to the Important bits. It turns out she was tied to numerous guys, especially foreigners. She was sending pictures(nudes), has been with some of them, and even has a boyfriend who she lived with for a few years, he was aged 47/48 at that time and she was I think 17/18 when they started dating. They've already did the deed , because with her previous boyfriend he also has done it as well. How'd I know? She told me and I then knew.
This particular foreigner, let's call him Jim has been together with let's say Jane for about 5 years now. She receives money from him because they're in a relationship and he offered to take care of her financially. Unbeknownst to him, she has cheated countless times just for shits and giggles, she call herself a "player" instead of a whore to cover her sluttiness. She playes psychology games very well and is also very suicidal so she can manipulate people at her own will as I have observed with her friends as well. They saw each other recently as he travels a lot because she has dispensable money,
Fast forward, I found out all of this because I borrowed her phone due to my phone breaking, so she trusted me to not look at her messages and I didn't, for atleast a day or two. I got so curious and there I found out all of this. I brought this issue to her a month later and she says that she will be breaking up with him soon as soon as she gets her inheritance/ the right time comes. She can't just let go of him yet because he Is her source of income.
Part 2 Continued later on...

Me and my dismissive avoidant ex broke up in June. He claimed it was for mental health reasons, I stayed and tried my best to support him. We had a conversation not long after where we both maintained we would maintain loyalty. A few weeks later someone tells me he’s on bumble, I could not believe it as he had never lied to me before. His bumble profile said he was ‘he was looking for a relationship’ it just didn’t make sense. But I left it, as he had told me at the time that his friends had created his profile not him. During summer he was diabolical, name calling, telling me he never loved me, just acting up in general. Things did cool down, and eventually we started seeing each other again. My birthday came around and I mentioned that I thought we would do something together, he got mad at me said I was ‘questioning him and calling him a liar’, so I waited.. and waited.. he never ended up doing anything for my birthday. We met afterwards and he reassured me again and again he would never use the dating app. On what would’ve been our 1 year anniversary, he told me that he had told his co-worker that.. I was extremely confused, like you told your co-worker???? Fast forward to 2 weeks before Christmas we met to eat, and while discussing a couple we knew dealing with cheating in their relationship, he assured me he would never do that to me. While I knew that we were not ‘official’ I believe there was an understanding based on loyalty. 2 weeks after he supposedly went on bumble matched with someone in Scotland (a whole different country), returned my birthday gift, and first week of February when we were meant to go out to eat he told me just hours before he had switched days with his ex partner in taking care of his child and therefore couldn’t make it. I believed him. I just found out he had actually travelled to Scotland met this 35 year old lady and they had sex - he’s 26. He claims there was not cheating. The whole thing is just diabolical. He had now come back after 4 months of no contact, claiming he was ‘just toxic’.
I told him, that all I expect from him is to cut contact with her so we can try working on us, he’s said he won’t as ‘she didn’t do anything to me’. It’s just cowardly, as he told me it was not worth losing me over but she’s out here posting pics of their first date over and over again with captions ‘favourite picture of me’, so she probs is being led to believe this will become more. Overall the whole situation smells of selfishness, and heartlessness.

I've been trying to get help from support for almost a week and they are not responding. I got the birthday announcement of a refund of all my doubloons spent to purchase a premium ship as a birthday gift from WoW. So, I got one of the AL ships and - no coupon. I contacted support and so far their "help" hasn't worked.
They helped me (finally) find the coupon, but when I click on the link nothing happens. They have not responded to my pleas for help for 4 days now. Any ideas? I'm almost out of time to redeem it.

Yesterday was my bf's bday. Ngayon ko lang nabigay gift ko sa kanya since on duty siya kahapon. While watching his video na nag uunbox ng mga gifts ko, I can't help but to smile na parang highschool na kinikilig.
Looking back, hindi ko maimagine na mararamdaman ko 'to. I thought I wasn't built for love, na maybe I'll grow old alone. My friends calls me bob the builder kasi I'm always attracted sa mga taong broken hoping na kaya ko sila buuhin. Na baka if ever mabuo ko sila ma fill ko yung void na nararamdaman ko. I met and dated a lot of broken guys and cried a lot of tears all throughout sa relationship or situationship but I always choose na magstay and help them ayusin sarili nila kahit na walang wala na ako. Yung kahit meron naman akong nakikilalang matitino and maayos iniiwasan ko sila kasi naisip ko na ano bang magiging papel ko sa buhay nito, na baka iwan ako sa huli kasi wala naman akong maiooffer. Pero isang araw napagod na ako, na para bang naging cycle na lang na may aayusin ako tapos maiiwanan akong mag isa o mauubos ako. Ilang beses kong sinisi ang mundo. Na am I asking for too much ba? Gusto ko lang naman maging masaya. Gusto ko lang naman maranasan na matatro nang maayos. Na baka kung sakaling maayos ko yung mga taong nakilala baka piliin nilang manatili sa akin at mahalin ako. Pero isang araw naisip ko na baka sa akin ang may mali. Na baka kailangan ko muna talagang maging maayos para makahanap nang maayos. And then I stopped dating. Inayos ko yung sarili ko sa paraang alam ko. Physically, emotionally and mentally. And noong time na alam ko okay na ako, I started dating again haha.
And then I met this man. The greenest flag and the calmest man na nakilala ko. Never akong napagtaasan ng boses. Palaging pinagbubuksan ng pinto kahit saan kami magpunta. Inispoil ako sa lahat ng aspeto. Supplier ko ng books, flowers and new anime na pwede panuurin. Laging hinahawakan kamay. Laging may forehead kiss. Random kiss sa kamay. Never akong pinagbitbit ng mga gamit. And if ever man na may uncomfy siyang nararamdaman he always communicates. I never would have imagined na mararamdaman ko lahat ng yan. Na finally, finally hindi ko kailangang maging si Bob the builder para lang may manatili sa akin. Na sapat na yung existence ko para may manatili. Na hindi ko pala kailangang umiyak at magmakaawa para wag akong iwan. Na hindi ko kailangang ubusin ang sarili ko para lang wag maging mag isa. Pwede palang maging buo at maging masaya. Kaya ito ako ngayon parang batang kinikilig habang pinapanood siyang nagbubukas ng mga regalo. Hindi ako yung may birthday, pero sobra sobrang regalo ang natanggap ko.

What would be the best Casio to gift someone for birthday.. it will be his first proper watch so to speak 😆. Budget 2K

I’m hoping someone in this community can point me to a good birthday gift, as I don’t read or watch much in this genre.
The recipient is older and a fan of science fiction, more on the military side. He’s conservative and a vet, so I’m looking for something that would appeal to his demographic. He reads a fair bit so I’m looking for something that he’s less likely to have come across himself. What recent books (or movies or tv shows) would make for a good gift?
Thanks!

Looking to buy a vodka fan as a birthday gift. Which would you recommend?
Or any others for a similar price? £40 for 70cl/700ml.

I have a girl friend since childhood who, as it seems as we approach our 30s this year, is cutting off me and other long time friends because we are in relationships. A little background, we've had our ups and downs especially in our teen years because she was always hyper competitive with me, but she is a good friend with a big heart. I feel closer personality to my friends I've met in adulthood but I cherish our long term friendship and now that we live halfway across the country, I'm conscious about putting in more effort to maintain our friendship. However, it seems like she has started to cut off me and our other mutual childhood friend because we found partners. I've been dating a great guy for almost a year and our other friend got married 2 years ago. Both of us are independent outside our relationships, we don't just talk about our partners or invite partners to everything.
My friend stopped replying to our text threads and offers to Facetime etc, just no response in months. My friends live near each other, and the friend (without the partner) had a birthday party and invited a bunch of people, and didn't invite our mutual (married) friend. I didn't recognize a the people, so I creeped on their IGs and a lot of them have posts all about being happy being single or not needing a man (which is valid too.) I sent my friend a birthday gift as well as a personal gift because she recently bought a house, which is a huge accomplishment I'm proud of her for. She never acknowledged either gift --I checked the tracking images and it was delivered. I think this is rude and ungrateful, but it's not the reason I will end a friendship.
I've noticed my friend has made more and more bitter comments about people in relationships. She visited me and before she even met my boyfriend, she asked why he was still single in his late 30s (we are about 8 years apart), in a smug way. (And on that trip I introduced her to my bf, but we had plenty of days of JUST girl time). She commented after another friend's wedding "they're gonna have problems in their marriage", and said about one of our friends who got her first boyfriend "it won't last, it's her first bf." These comments don't feel very supportive and I feel like she's becoming jaded. Unfortunately my friend has not had great luck in the dating world and I know she wants to get married and have kids. Her taste in men hasn't been great, but I know she craves the kind of stable, career driven partner my friends and I have. And I'm not unsympathetic to the pros and the cons of being single at this age, I know it can be harder to not have a partner, whether financially or emotionally. I've lived on my own (still do), done the dating apps scene, etc., it's not like I would ever dismiss her for being single or her dating struggles
I worry in your 30s this is the dreaded "friends go separate ways" or separate paths type situation, which I don't want to happen (makes me so sad). I do see there starts to be more of a schism between people who have partners or are planning for kids, than those who don't, but it can't be insurmountable! Has anyone experienced similar with a friend with a jealous or bad attitude about friends partnering up? Will time help heal any issues and she'll come back around or should I be trying to do more with the friendship?

I don’t know what to do. I have tried absolutely everything.
So I’m a woman in my 30s who has a degree, a good enough job and all I do is work, come home, eat alone and loneliness is eating me up.
I have felt this way since I was 23 years old.
I don’t have a community of friends. I have around 3 fairly close people who were from different parts of my life (one an old job, one from high school, one from college) who I see now and then but there’s no intense, talk constantly, I can tell them anything kind of friendship, they are just people I can grab lunch with now and then months apart.
My dating life has been horrendous. I can’t even explain how bad. It makes me feel like I’m this disgusting rat. All 3 friends and family members plus random people I’ve known throughout my jobs and things have all commented on how strange it is that I don’t have a partner and how badly things go for me.
The people I have dated in my past have all treated me very similarly. As in, I’ve never had an amicable breakup that ended nicely. They’ve all left me feeling awful. Everyone has always been extremely blunt in telling me I’m basically not good enough. Some phrases I’ve heard were: “you make me feel like I want to get myself back” “I didn’t ever see a future with you and didn’t know why I didn’t tell you this before” “you’re boring” “I understand why your friends and family don’t bother with you” “I just don’t care about you” “
I don’t drink alcohol and all these people told me at the start it wasn’t a problem for them. But sooner or later they would comment on how nice it would be if I joined them for a wine out on the porch after work or be able to go to a cocktail bar. And they would pressure me into doing it despite my strong stance on just not enjoying it. It almost seemed like everyone I dated was a disguised alcoholic even though they weren’t because that was the topic of a lot of our arguments … even though I know they weren’t in their “normal life” but just with me alcohol seemed so important that I didn’t do it.
I always came away feeling awful. I have an array of hobbies and find myself interesting - care for animals, reading, hiking, nature, skiing, cycling, I draw, and also write stories - nobody was ever interested in reading any or caring.
Whenever I go out with friends their partners… care. It’s something I noticed a lot. They’d text or call and ask for updates. Even when I was in relationships this didn’t happen. I’ve never, EVER had a partner or boyfriend who cared about me. This is not normal and I’ve never felt loved.
Both of my parents aren’t here either and I have a weird relationship with my brother. He’s married with kids and we aren’t close. I’ve tried and again I feel “not enough”. He tells me he doesn’t WANT to go on vacations with me because I don’t drink and he likes to go to bars and sip wine at nice places and I’d just not be compatible with him on holiday. He therefore doesn’t ever ask to hang out with me in our own country.
I was only ever close with my mother and miss her so much it hurts. I don’t feel connected with anyone and feel my personality must be so awful that nobody wants me around.
I’ve travelled a lot and even lived in other countries and feel deflated. If I do something pretty cool or a nice achievement I can’t tell anyone. Sure, a couple of my friends might send a nice text but I have nobody to hug, kiss or hype me up. I come home to my empty apartment and just have my own thoughts.
Every date I go on recently is a reflection of my past. People just seem to be super interested in the start, as in.. I have no issues getting matches and getting a good conversation flowing, sometimes even up to three moths of dating but then it ends. The same patterns occur where they suddenly don’t want a serious thing and are gone.
I’m broken making these constant deep connections with strangers only to then feel like I never knew them at all.
Friends have told me in the past I am too nice and fall too hard and people can see this but I don’t get it.
I pour my heart and soul into connections I do make, am sweet and caring and it’s never enough for people. I’ve never ever felt anything was ever reciprocated.
Everyone around me has a marriage - a stable, grown adult marriage with house problems and real life stuff, kids or engagements, stuff like that. I want that so much. I want a person to share my life with. I am so tired of being alone and being on this age on apps and going through the same things feeling so unloved and unwanted.
I look around - and this is going to sound judgmental and I don’t mean to be. But I look around at others I knew from school and friends and things and even people who are either not very attractive or even people with horrific personalities (mean, screechy, drama central kind of people) have good loyal husbands and a fairly decent enough life.
I feel like I’ve witnessed multiple situations where people cheat, so awful things and still someone is FIGHTING for someone to stay, fighting for love, somebody is a staple in their life worth it.
For me that’s just exactly what I feel I don’t have. Nobody has ever fought for me. Never cared enough to even go into a serious, let’s live together, maybe get married situations. Nobody has ever made effort the way I do. I’m good looking enough, not the most sexy person in the room but get told I’m natural beauty, cute and stuff like that. I try and take care of myself. I have that “sweet shy gentle” type personality and everyone I meet tells me I have such a good heart and soul. I really do everything for people. So I don’t understand.
I’m terrified of this continuing and I’m exhausted. I don’t feel like I belong anywhere. I’m absolutely broken with feeling like my whole life has been loss around me, in terms of death of my loved ones and also loss of people I’ve cared for and wanted something with, loss of friendships that were once more solid and now are casual, just loss of everything.
Like I said I’ve tried travelling, lived in other countries, joined so many hobby groups and clubs, the amount of nights I’ve sat at a random meet up of a social night with a soft drink and chatted and gave it my all for nothing to come of it is hard to remember, I’ve even reached out on social media to old friends from random hobbies and school and nothing comes of anything.
I don’t know what else to do. I enjoy my own company but I’m now at a point where it’s depressing me so much. I don’t want this to be my life. I want to go to theme parks with someone and feel alive. I want to book holidays with someone and get excited. I want to pack together and prepare their bags. I want to ask someone about their day. I want to share plans. I don’t want to just come home anymore and stare at a wall. Constantly see people thriving on social media. Have no family at important holidays. Nobody to celebrate things, I feel so empty and not even a part of society when I see the beach packed with people, gifts for sale in stores, etc. it’s not for me because I have no one.
I don’t know what else to do. If something cool happens in my day it didn’t really happen because I am literally by myself and have nobody who cares. I feel like other single people still have close friends or a mother or father who is interested, even a community of some sort. But I am literally alone.
Even when I do stuff with friends it’s only for an hour or two and I’ll get a taste of what a nice happy life is like, maybe an hour walking along a nice beach or a nice dinner somewhere with people around us then I’m back to being alone when they go back home to their husbands and have a cute night.
I cry everyday and don’t understand this. I’m so envious of people who have tons of people in their life. I never will have that even if I find a partner. But it just kills that even that part doesn’t exist. I can’t even explain how empty I feel. My birthday went by with one text message from one of my close friends and the other two sent one days later saying they forgot and had been busy. It’s like I don’t exist. And I’m terrified and don’t know what to do.

Hi, long time lurker but idek how to process things right now haha. For some background, I (23 f) definitely have some issues around food. I’m second gen asian american, and my dad came here as a refugee when he was a teenager. He has a lot of trauma about not having enough to eat, very stereotypical walk in pantry, hoarding food, loving deals on food, extreme couponing, etc. He passed on a lot of that to me. I adore fine dining but I also love garbage food or street food. I carry around leftovers and shamelessly wrap things up in napkins and throw them in my purse. I have bags of almonds in my car and stashes of food at all my friends houses. Food is my love language, I love cooking it for my friends, being cooked for, etc.
So two nights ago, my best friend and I took my roommate out to a very expensive steakhouse for his birthday. I don’t have a lot of money but I’m doing okay, I’ve been saving up to take him out for a while because he’s done a lot for me. It was definitely a big treat for us to go though. Since I don’t eat much at once, I had a lot of leftovers (plus the bones my friends didn’t finish so I could chew on them later which I know is weird but let me be happy okay?) I gave my boyfriend the lobster mac but saved the steak for sandwiches for the next couple days.
Yesterday, my bf was having a really bad day. He woke up late for work, had to rush out the door. He was supposed to work just the morning shift but his coworker asked him if he’d cover her night shift since she was hungover, and she’d bring him food. She didn’t, and he was upset. He went from 9 am to 11 pm without eating. Obviously I’m upset too, I offer to doordash him something, I would’ve brought him food but I was working on set. I get worried about him because he doesn’t eat sometimes, and because he was having a bad day he was already super withdrawn. He told me he’d make pasta when he got home.
I guess you see where this is going, he ate my steak, I was absolutely devastated. His reasoning was that he had brought me food from set the previous day but in my mind it’s nowhere close. I know I shouldn’t have but I blew up at him, cried a lot, etc. He offered to take me to another steak house but it’s not about the steak it’s about how I build up this food in my head and think about it several times a day looking forward to eating it and then it’s not there. I told him that and he told me I should bring that up with my therapist. Is my relationship with food is unhealthy? I’ve had issues before where people touch my food without asking so I’m wondering if it’s me. I feel guilty for yelling at him and then running out the door and crying in my car. AITA?