Voice messages from girl to boyfriend

Okay. So me and my boyfriend have been dating for 5 years. We're high-school sweethearts. At the beginning of our relationship while we were still in school he was talking to this girl who happened to be his first love and he'd go see her all the time while being with me and I mean would be out at 8pm and would walk her home. Fast forward 2 years into the relationship she comes out of nowhere again, this time they're texting on Snapchat and he's talking to her secretly. Now pay attention. This is where shit goes sideways. So at the time they're talking secretly, we moved in with his best friend who was secretly into me. He was trying to get with me the entire time and when I said no for the final time he told me my boyfriend didn't love me and that he asked to go on a break to be with someone else. He told me everything about him talking to her secretly and etc. Now I'm already moved in with this man and I don't have family. Fast forward another year. I decide to tell him I want a break because tbh I was hurt and was not healing from the fact that the bestfriend was right! So on this break I decided to talk to someone else. Nothing really happened between me and the guy but now my boyfriend acts like he can't trust me because I did what he did but like not worse. And also the whole time we were at his friends while moving, he knew his friend wanted to be with me and kept trying but did NOTHING!! BECAUSE OF THAT GIRL!!!
Okay now 5 years in after him only "talking" to the girl and another girl. I've realized that I don't want to be with him. I don't have anywhere to go and I'm trying to build my credit up right now as we speak. I don't want to be with him any longer because he took all of my mistakes and bashed them in my face and shows me hatred while I took his wrong doings and forgave him.
We are definitely different mentally. He doesn't even have any beliefs like myself so it does get hard. He is never happy. He seems depressed. I just dknt know how to tell him that I can tell I don't make him happy and that we should just break up. I mean if he wanted me would he have chosen the other girls first all the time in the past? AND LIE ABOUT THEM.
Also to make this worse when I decided to talk to someone else while on that break he told everyone I cheated and made my family and his family bash me. I didn't cheat. I was the only one honest about what I was doing and etc. He was or is the constant liar.
What do I do?

It’s been 2 weeks from the last conversation(she called me and the whole conversation was 99% one sided with her screaming and reproaching things ,even mentioning that she will kill herself because of me. She hung up and then stopped replying to my texts. I was super worried for her wellbeing. At that point I didn’t even care if we will ever come back together, I just wanted to know she’s well. I have texted her on WhatsApp, Instagram and messenger. She did not even let me on seen. Before she used to block me on everything when we were breaking up, not sure why she didn’t this time but doesn’t want to communicate?! We have started the relationship and after a couple of weeks I already moved in her house(that was a mistake). We broke up several times and been apart for weeks sometimes. All the time I had to move out of the house and sleep in a friend’s sofa. I was feeling abandoned and almost lost hope. After 3 weeks of not talking to each other I had a one night stand then after a while we got back together. I only told her about this after a couple of months as I was afraid of her reaction (she’s a highly sensitive person). When I did tell her she didn’t stop crying from 1 pm until 8 am next day. She saw this as an infidelity and we had to go to the therapist as she was mentally exhausted. The therapist told her that what would expect when she kicked me out of the house so many times, sooner or later it would have happened. Also, she is was always fighting with me saying that I look at other girls in the gym, street, supermarket etc which is not the case. I have eyes to see but I don’t do eye contact with people and act flirty . As previous boyfriends were unfaithful with gym girls and social media that was it. Lots of insecurity and lack of self confidence. She asked me to remove from my social media profiles all the females and women I knew but were uploading beach photos (if she thought they were better looking). It was exhausting for me, I moved to a different city and I had to go to work by car everyday in the next city where I used to live before. I took her in Holidays to my home country and she met my whole family, my friends, I have tried to make it work but she doesn’t see these things as a sacrifice for the sake of love. I struggled to improve my Spanish(which is my 3rd language) so we can make communicate with ease. She didn’t make any effort to learn English not to mention my mother language. She thinks I manipulate, I have no empathy, I am a narcissist, I’m a bad person, I enjoy hurting her and I only care for myself. It’s beyond frustrating as none of these things it’s true and it breaks my heart. I really feel she’s the love of my life but I don’t know what to do, I’m not able to function properly, she’s on my mind 24/7 and can’t concentrate on anything, it’s draining my life completely. I don’t know what to do next ☹️

I'll try to make it as short as possible,
So one day i randomly got a message from a girl in my college and then we just continued talking and yeah we clocked pretty.
So it continued for 5-6 months and I fell for her ,i didn't tell her or anything but we both knew and noone was courageous,mostly we talked on WhatsApp as our classes were different but everything was going good ,but yeah after that it just went downhill in February for numerous reasons and we were not talking for a days now when we once were talking on daily basis.
So it just increased and the last time I messaged her on 29 April.
But yesterday she out of nowhere send me around 20 photos ,I was shocked when I opened them ,they contained out chat screenshots ,like we used to make stupid stories and do our stupid talk and she used to save them .
So yeah I said that ,haha ,idk why I was acting like that and various things on those photos.
And her reply was ,
'It was so cute and funny , i wish we could do that now' and various things ,
So it's just ,now I feel like she yk kinda wanna talk but I really don't want to as there were few reasons why our friendship went downhill and ik i can't change anything about it so , I am just stuck on What should I do now.

I honestly just don’t get it. sure porn was interesting to look at while i was a budding and horny teen just buying my first vibe, or just giving oral for the first time, but i truly can say i have no interest in anything; porn, other men/partners, whatsoever since i have been in this relationship. i’m 21, so i’m pretty young. i have gained a good bit of weight since we have been together, maybe 20-15 pounds, but he insists he still loves the way i look and that i am perfect. I’m just wondering what, if i am “perfect” there is to gain from porn?? why he is looking at OF leaks on reddit on his break, saving them while he’s in a drive through line, why he’s searching on some dodgy porn site for leaked content less than 10 minutes after we have sex while i am in the bathroom? our first d-day was a good while ago, around late august of last year. we have definitely had more, and while things have gotten marginally better, my one boundary is still not being respected. i even relented that he could still watch porn, but that’s o was not at all comfortable with him consciously seeking out individual women to look at— especially when those women look like everything i would have nearly died to look like at one point. one girl he even knew in person. since maybe the 3rd dday (novemberish) he deleted his “photo vault/spank bank” but i still find myself looking up the women i found on ig and comparing myself to what it is that he actually likes — what actually gets him off. our sex life has suffered, which i feel probably leads him more to porn and other self fulfilling methods.
04/16/24 i wrote that march 18th and to be quite honest, as I sit here mid april in the middle of the night, nothing has changed. I went through his phone again (pain shopping i know i know) after i glimpsed a porn site open while looking at his tax forms and closing his open apps (as i always do). i think i even made a comment about pretending that I didn’t see the porn/naked body on his screen. But I did. So now I sit here, sobbing next to him in bed at 3am while he snores and feeling again like the little girl who just wanted to be the first choice, not a compromise someone settles on. So now I sit here, wondering what is next, who is next, and how I change myself in order to ‘help’ him get away from porn. you see if i looked like the girls he wanted of course he wouldn’t need the others. So now I sit here, fighting the urge to make myself purge for the first time in years, to be closer to that image he so desperately needs, and cannot get from me. i sit thinking of the girl who so dearly wanted to be like the others, the ones who didn’t develop early, or later, the ones who didn’t have abnormally large boobs, just a cute butt and a flat flat stomach. the girl who just wanted to be loved so badly; who craved it as a child and can never seem to achieve it as an adult.
05/20/2024 the first week of may i cried myself to sleep every night. two of those i sobbed so hard he woke up. i don’t know what to do anymore. i grabbed his phone again today, after he had been to the bathroom for an extended amount of time with no shower running, and lo and behold! of course, there it was. every single time without fail. i just don’t know what to do. i want to look like those girls he looks at. i want to throw up my meals and workout relentlessly. i want to shrink my boobs and grow my ass. i want to be tiny again. i want to never eat again. i want him to physically see his harm change me— just as it has forever changed me mentally. i have cut myself down to around 1400 calories daily, with daily exercise of course as well. but even if i lose weight it will still not be enough. i haven’t been going to the gym for years and meal prepping and eating specifically. i fear i will never look like who he prefers. writing this, i want to claw anything ive ever eaten out of my body, i want to go back in time and tell younger me to work out, to care. i want to be pretty again, to stay pretty this time. i know anyone would tell me to break up and to leave, to put myself first, but i cant. i have never loved someone so hugely and completely. i know that i will most likely never have the strength to leave someone who i love, and despite everything, does/did love me in my eyes. at the same time i dont know how to look at him anymore. tonight i went and looked at every girl i could remember him looking at and searched them on instagram. there were 15 of them. i think i may send their profiles all at once to him in the morning when he wakes up. maybe even right in front of him— just to see his reaction. is that sick of me? i just want him to know that i know, and that honestly its ruining my life. i never feel pretty. I have never felt so ugly, so hideous, so monstrous, that my own boyfriend can’t even get off to me. sometimes i can’t even look at him. it hurts too much. i’m worried that if he looks at me too long that he will find something else that he dislikes about me, and look even more to rectify that in yet another woman. i almost wish he would find this and magically know this was about us, not that it would solve anything really. I have already poured my heart out, spoken calmly, been angry, forgiven, and sobbed as hard as i ever have before. what else i can do.

First of all, sorry for my broken English. Not my native language. Please point out if something isn't clear!
TL;DR we’re rushing things and don’t know how to slow down
It's a nice story tbh. We met 10 years ago, we were in the same friend group. He had a big crush on me but I was a crazy ass 19 y.o. who didn't really care about boys, also I was planning to move to another city (500 km away) - and I did. So in the past 10 years we lost contact, albeit being friends on social media and stuff, and sometimes we would casually meet on nights out with our friends when I came home to visit.
While I was making the rounds of Southern Europe, he started a relationship that lasted approx. 7 years. They were living together and stuff. She's a nice girl, I remember meeting her a couple of times, but she's got a lot of "social" issues that made living together very hard for the both of them. She was in constant need of his presence, and for the last 1.5 year of their relationship he felt more like a father to her than a boyfriend (PLEASE NOTE I have nothing against her and I dont want to make her look bad because SHE'S NOT. If this info wasn't important for the story I wouldn't have shared that). He left her in December 2023, the main reason being that he wanted the relationship to "grow up", think of a family, a bigger house, dogs, kids... but she couldn't even keep a job so he ended things more or less in a friendly manner after trying and trying.
3 months later, in March, I liked a pic he posted on facebook, he sent me a message asking if I was back for good (I am) and basically asked me out on a date. And MAN WHAT A DATE. Everything was perfect, we laughed to the tears, you know when you feel something has clicked and now everything is in its right place? Yeah. We both felt that. So we jumped on this loveboat ride and everything has been great, but we were really rushing things, like I started staying there for the night during the week (aided by the fact that his apartment is 10 mins from my office so it was also covenient for me), he met my parents (by accident tho honestly that wasn't planned, but still) I met his mother, his coworkers, also his boss! He got drunk with my dad! (That was fun haha). I thought that we were rushing things too much but I brushed it off thinking "don't ruin it, if it feels right then let it be", but eventually it came out during a talk we had. We both acknowledged that we'd been getting ahead of ourselves and this was making him uncomfortable, because he didn't really want to end up in another relationship right after ending a 7 year long one, at the same time he thinks what we have is precious and we should cherish it. He wants to see and have a future with me but also wants to take things slow. I agreed, and being the pragmatic little demon I am I had prepared a list of things I thought we should do/stop doing, such as sleeping there on weeknights, parents involved etc, to which he agreed. Also I noticed that he was kind of... I don't really know how to explain, projecting? his ex's persona on me. I noticed that when he was on morning shift (starts at 6 a.m.) and I had spent the night at his apartment, he'd be very worried about me not getting up on time to go to work at 8 (like his ex did) and asked me to send him a message as soon as I woke up. Another thing, there has been a weekend when I was sick, it wasn't that bad, I just had a stomach ache and nausea and needed to go to the bathroom a lot. Well that day it looked like I couldn't even walk for him, he wanted me to stay at home while he was buying the groceries to cook for lunch even though I said I was fine and a trip to the supermarket wouldn't have killed me. I reckon that's because his ex was like that. But I'm not. I'm really an independent person, I've been living by myself for the past six years, I can look after myself! And even though it's lovely to have someone who cares about you, that just felt like having a nanny and not a boyfriend (we also talked about this).
Aprt from that our relationship is great, we discuss things as adults, every discussion/argument ends with a common point. I love this. Also he's the sweetest.
But after the talk we had, and the things we both agreed on, Sunday night we were watching a movie together on his sofa, the movie was over and I said "oh it's 10 pm, I gotta go" and he was like "why don't you just stay here for the night? Your office is basically across the street" I told him that that's exactly what we agreed to avoid, he insisted a bit but then I left.
Now, I don't know what else to do to slow things down apart from to ones I listed and furthermore I don't know how to help him with all of this. He's confused and I can see that, but I trust him and if he said he really cares about our relationship then so it is.
What do you think? What should I do?
Thank you for reading.

TL;DR - I broke up with my ex on the last Sunday but we have a trip to Japan on the next Tuesday. Both of us want to go for different reasons and we have booked hotel and so many activities together. How can I handle this trip well when I’m still in love with him?
I broke up with my boyfriend (now he is ex I guess) on the last Sunday. I don’t know what’s going on his mind, but he has ignored my messages since Sunday afternoon and I guess our relationship finally ended.
We’ve been in a toxic relationship. We broke up and reunited for 3 times. On the last Sunday, I decided to end everything. I made a decision not to go back to the relationship. I dumped him and he said he would reply me later because he had no words at the time. (He sent this text at night on Saturday and since Sat there is no text from him.)
The thing is that we booked a flight to Japan whose departure is next Tuesday a few weeks ago. We planned everything and didn’t know that we would really break up. We both want to go to Japan I guess. As he is a Russian, he got a tourist visa from Japan so he must go. I will move to another country in 2 months which means that it might be my last trip to Japan.
If we cancel the whole schedule, the fee of cancellation will be too much. We have booked flights, hotel, onsen and some other activities. We can seat on different sides on the flights so I think flights don’t matter but I’m worried about other things.
I blocked him on all social media including message and instagram. I only left our gmail as a communication tool and sent him a mail about the trip and he read but he didn’t reply. I don’t know his thoughts. I need your guys’ help. I still love him so much and miss him and going on a trip with him for this long must make me not want to let him go. What should I do?

I was with my ex for nearly 2 years we come from a culture and religion where marriage is the ultimate and we don't just date for fun. The whole relationship was a whirlwind and I'm not usually a trusting person but with him he was telling me he loved me a 2 week into the relationship. Needless to say the rest we moved very fast constant dates constant soppy I love youse and I really could be myself around him, he was my first real relationship at 25 he was 24.
Within maybe 2 months I noticed he would lie about stupid silly things which really bother me because I hate it when people lie I caught him out a few times and he would cry and say he couldn't live without me and I would always end up staying,, I had a bad feeling one time and contacted his ex girlfriend who said they were still in contact now I'm not sure whether she lied about that or whether he lied. Regardless I continued to be with him as he cried and said she was lying then I found he was sending pictures of other girls to his boys group chats with really horrendous messages on what he wanted to do to them and would say it's 'boys banter' it did get toxic and became a cycle of lies crying and me being moody. He was unemployed when I met him and I worked really hard to do his applications and prepped him for interviews which resulted in him getting the job he wanted. it wasn't all bad we had some really good times too and that led us to get the families involved to get married his family didn't like me because I was from a different caste and he essentially fought to get married to me. We were so close our deposits down on venues and everything and had our wedding in 5 months. Something in my gut wasn't right and I did some digging and found something else out and before you all start on me for going looking for issues I asked him numerous times to clarify everything so I could draw a line but he just wouldn't and I kept finding things out. I met him 2 days before dooms day and we talked about our honeymoon our wedding and I told him about some health issues I was having and under the care of neurology. He told me he loved me and would never leave me. 2 nights after we argued and I deleted him but this time was different he didn't contact me or anything the next day I contacted him and he was a different person blunt rude and dismissive I asked him to meet me so we could talk in person he came and was just different I was crying whilst he smirked and told me he needed space because it was all too toxic. That same night he messaged other women he met someone 3 weeks after me and told her he loved her within 2 weeks she was his auntys neighbour and his sister in laws friend who were suprise suprise from the same caste. 2 years on and they tied the knot I'm still not over it and people are sick of listening to me crying about it I'm sick of myself doing that all I've done this past 2 years is cry and miss him every day I'm at a point where I don't even want to be here anymore so I can avoid feeling like this. Not to mention I gained weight in the relationship and after due to emotional eating I haven't dates since I've been to therapy numerous holidays nothing works. I have adhd and awaiting medication for that but I feel like I'll never get over it whilst they got married and moved into their new house living their happily ever after

I was with my ex for nearly 2 years we come from a culture and religion where marriage is the ultimate and we don't just date for fun. The whole relationship was a whirlwind and I'm not usually a trusting person but with him he was telling me he loved me a 2 week into the relationship. Needless to say the rest we moved very fast constant dates constant soppy I love youse and I really could be myself around him, he was my first real relationship at 25 he was 24.
Within maybe 2 months I noticed he would lie about stupid silly things which really bother me because I hate it when people lie I caught him out a few times and he would cry and say he couldn't live without me and I would always end up staying,, I had a bad feeling one time and contacted his ex girlfriend who said they were still in contact now I'm not sure whether she lied about that or whether he lied. Regardless I continued to be with him as he cried and said she was lying then I found he was sending pictures of other girls to his boys group chats with really horrendous messages on what he wanted to do to them and would say it's 'boys banter' it did get toxic and became a cycle of lies crying and me being moody. He was unemployed when I met him and I worked really hard to do his applications and prepped him for interviews which resulted in him getting the job he wanted. it wasn't all bad we had some really good times too and that led us to get the families involved to get married his family didn't like me because I was from a different caste and he essentially fought to get married to me. We were so close our deposits down on venues and everything and had our wedding in 5 months. Something in my gut wasn't right and I did some digging and found something else out and before you all start on me for going looking for issues I asked him numerous times to clarify everything so I could draw a line but he just wouldn't and I kept finding things out. I met him 2 days before dooms day and we talked about our honeymoon our wedding and I told him about some health issues I was having and under the care of neurology. He told me he loved me and would never leave me. 2 nights after we argued and I deleted him but this time was different he didn't contact me or anything the next day I contacted him and he was a different person blunt rude and dismissive I asked him to meet me so we could talk in person he came and was just different I was crying whilst he smirked and told me he needed space because it was all too toxic. That same night he messaged other women he met someone 3 weeks after me and told her he loved her within 2 weeks she was his auntys neighbour and his sister in laws friend who were suprise suprise from the same caste. 2 years on and they tied the knot I'm still not over it and people are sick of listening to me crying about it I'm sick of myself doing that all I've done this past 2 years is cry and miss him every day I'm at a point where I don't even want to be here anymore so I can avoid feeling like this. Not to mention I gained weight in the relationship and after due to emotional eating I haven't dates since I've been to therapy numerous holidays nothing works. I have adhd and awaiting medication for that but I feel like I'll never get over it whilst they got married and moved into their new house living their happily ever after

firstly, here's a bit about me. Im 19. I''m an introvert obviously. I struggle talking to people, even when ordering something over a counter qt a store or such. I go to visual art classes, certificate III. it's broken up into two classes and it ends in two weeks. there is a girl in the other cert III class. I've been attracted to her since I started the course in January. on the first day, I remember crossing my fingers that maybe the stars would align, we would get put into the same class, and we would be seated next to each other and just maybe I could figure something out from there. that didn't happen lol. she's in the other class. our classes work next to each other, so often I would get to see her in the other class while working in mine. I was contempt with that. I think she's the prettiest girl I have ever met, but she is way out of my league, so I was fine with just seeing her. I don't know anything about her, I only learned a month or two ago what her NAME is. I don't believe I've ever even heard her voice, as, like me, she is extremely quiet. she doesn't seem to have any close friends in her class, rather just people that she talks to. but i get the vibe that she is quiet by choice, unlike myself.
anyways, the class ends in two weeks, and even though I've never had any interactions with her, I want to step far out of my comfort zone for the first time in my life and tell her that I think she's pretty, before I never see her again. I would be willing to tell her I like her if we had been in the same class, but we know nothing about each other, so I figured that would be weird.
how do I go about it?

Throwaway because he uses Reddit.
So, I (f16) have known a guy (let's call him Sans, m15) for 4 years. This guy has always treated me like he didn't care a bit about me and has always been pretty disrespectful to me and and to my "sister-by-heart." For the first 3-and-a-half years, he always pretty much didn't seem to care about me, and we only talked when he needed to vent or had something to share. I went to middle school with him, we were in the same class, so I saw him everyday and for the first year I even had a crush on him, in fact we dated for 9 months (6 on his behalf, but it was from November to May) before he broke it off saying he wasn't ready, something completely understandable. We've been good friends ever since, and I stayed silent through all the things he did to me over the years: touching me when we went to the cinema with a couple of his other friends, and all the shit he threw at me with his problems (family, friends, love life ecc... I never had the occasion to do the same). Long story short, he's always been the class clown, and that was all his personality in and out of school. To be clear, I also own some fault in all of this because I could've talked about those things with him, it was just never an option I thought to be worth considering.
All changed when he introduced me to my now boyfriend (18m), I had the courage to talk to him about the situation and, with the help of my sister since because of some at-the-time-recent drama he blocked my number, I sent him a message that contained all the anger I kept inside and ended the friendship ultimately. It was August 2023.
After that, I continued to talk about it to both my boyfriend and his mom (basically my second mom, I'm really close with her) and what came up it that the mother of one of Sans' best friends told my bf's mother that Sans was head over heels for me. I didn't believe it at first, since two years prior he advices me to stop "flirting" with him or he'd end the relationship, but this thing is also supported by the fact that, as far as I knew, he still kept an old note I gave to him back in the first year of middle school with something sweet written on it, I don't really remember what.
Now, a couple of days ago (so May 19th) he showed up at my house at 10pm completely changed: he looked totally different, had a perm, seemed more contained, a bit better dressed and actually had the balls to apologize to me AFTER I apologized first in an Instagram story, explaining that I've changed and I'm not immature anymore, and that I was sorry to all the people that I was an ass to in the past. Fortunately my boyfriend was there that night or I don't know how I would've handled it. We shook hands and declared peace. Now, he's started to say hi on the bus again.
My question is, how do I handle him coming back out of the blue? I've got a completely different life now, new social circle he'd hate to hang out with ecc..., so I really don't know that to do. I don't even know why I accepted his apology in the first place tbh.
(P.s. sorry for any mistakes, English is my second language)

This happened about 8 months ago. A little background, Me (19F) at the time and my boyfriend (23M) we both met at an open house for a college I both wanted to go to. He was a senior there. I saw him and I immediately thought he was cute. He was pretty handsome, had nice eyes, and a nice build. So I decided to talk to him and we both Instantly hit it off, ending with me getting his number. After I got his number he sent me dozens of messages about how he wanted to see me again and how beautiful I was. I have to admit I was a bit weirded out when he did this but like a stupid naive girl I loved the idea he wanted me so bad.
On our first date, he did everything a girl loves he took me out to a nice restaurant, was a complete gentleman, and completely swept me off my feet. We spent nearly all our free time together and when I was in classes or he was at his job we would text anytime we could. Now fast forward a year after dating I had some problems with my roommate that year and he suggested I move in with him as he had just bought a small apartment that had enough room for two people. I of course accepted and we moved into together.
This was when all the problems started, I moved in and everything was pretty normal then he started to act differently. He jealous, possessive, and insecure, and blame me for his behavior towards me. Always accusing me of cheating on him or doing something sneaky. Wanting me to cut off contact with close friends I’ve known since high school. Now one time, I had to study for an exam I had and stayed late at the library. I came home and he was angry about why I stayed so late. I tried to explain to him I did text him I would be staying late and that I would turn my phone on silent to concentrate. He was still upset and told me if I just “Love him enough.” We wouldn’t have these types of problems. As months passed his behavior began to get worse.
This was the situation that changed everything for the worse, One night I went out with friends for drinks as we had just finished our last exam of the year. And to note I did text him that I would be getting drinks with some friends and would be home late. I had to have been there for an hour before he stormed in and yelled at me saying I was cheating on him and how I didn’t love him. I was completely embarrassed In front of my friends and classmates l.
After this embarrassing incident, we went home and asked him how he knew where I was and he revealed to me that he had been tracking me. Not just my location but my every move he knew the places I went and the times I left them. He even admitted to having followed me when lying saying he was a work. I was shocked and disgusted at his actions. How do I tell him tracking/stalking me is not okay and an invasion of my privacy? I just really need advice on how to deal with this as I don’t wanna make this situation any worse.

I (20M) feel like i got pretty lucky with alot of things that men say women want. Im 6"5, im semi muscular (ill get into this one l8r), i got good hair, and half desent facial hair, i have a LOT of money for ppl my age (around 100k at 20 due to a legal suit involving a death of a close relitive), and above average sized thing (not to be crass but i think its important for what im talking about).
Now thats all great, like every alpha male guy would say thats all that matters to get women but my insecurity comes from my face. I HATE the way my face looks. Like i cant put into words how disgusting my face is. My nose is down turned and pruyrdes too far from my face, my eyes are too deep set into my skull and have these disgusting genetic under eye bags that are always shadowed, my cheeks are fat and puffy and i have a aweful jaw that shoots way too high up to early on my face, as well as one side of my face is round and 1 side is sharp. I hate seeing myself. But so much of life is just seeing yourself, i dont want photos of me, i dont want to be seen in public, i dont want to go on dates, etc all because i hate the way i look. Ive gone through soo much in my life but ive really gotten through it all, abusive parents as a kid, dead parent as a teen, all my grandparents are dead, no real connections, a disease that hospitialized me for most of highschool, and so many other struggles in my life and yet the only thing that consitantly weighs on my mind and makes me suididal is my face.
I hate it so much i cant put it into words. Ive done ALOT of reflecting on why i hate how i look because im probaly objectivly speeking barely below average or maybe even average levels of attractivness. I think it comes from bad experinces with women in the past and a sense of inadequicy caused by having abusive parents. I know i mentioned alpha male shit at thr begining of this post but im actually not into any of that bullshit at all. Im a pretty big feminist and ive always kind of prided myself on not being that cringe women hating andrew tate fan, but what im realizing is i just internilized all that hatred instead of putting it onto women.
I constantly look at myself, i check myself in every reflection to confirm im still ugly, if there isnt a mirror i take a photo or look at myself in my phones reflection. I do this because i want to know what i look like in the moment. Even when im alone i constantly check. I have over 6k selfies on my phone if just that. Sometimes i feel confident and i feel like a 8 or a 9 out of 10 and then i see myself in normal/natural lighting and i feel like a 3/10. Its so paralalyzing. I would do anything to just feel comfterable in my own skin. I miss out on so many great things because im paranoid about how i look. When i walk to the store i spend the entire time obbsesivly freaking out about my aprarejce, when i hang out with friends i try and consuously position myself in ways they see my good side or me in good lighting because i dont want them to THINK im ugly. Its so miserable i want it to be over. Im genuinly suisidal over my facial apearnece which feels so pathetic when you consider what other people are going through or even what I have experinced in the past, its wierd THIS small thing is so deteimental to my life.
I feel my body is fine but i do have a eating disorder specifically in a attempt to reduce facial fat. I do sooo much to try and inprove my aperace but at this point its just genetics. Like i have a massive skin care routine, i work out frequently, and so much more but it just doesnt help.
One of my friends told me he though i was ugly when he first met me but now he things im average and it destroyed me. Idk why he said it honeslty i think he was drunk and ment it as a compliment and for a normal person they would just move on but for me its lingered in my mind 24/7 for the last 3 months. It doesnt even matter what he thinks because im straight and its not like im trying to date him but I think becuase of the way i obssess over what others think of my apearjwce it like confirmed my already negitive thoufhrs about my apernece. I dont voice these kind of things to ppl so its not like any1 knows not to say things like that but if i did ask him not to it would honeslty make ut worse because then it would feel like he was silently judging me.
I desprutially want to be loved, i think it has to do with being phyically and emotionally abused by both my parents as a kid because i feel this deep sinkinh feeling in my chest all the time and it feeld like the only way i could fix it would be love. Sometimes i get a glimse of it, like i fall in love and we go on a few dates and then it doesnt work out but for that short few weeks it felt like everything was fine fir the first rime ever. I want to just experince basic love like hugging and spending time together with someone in a romantic sense SOO deeply and it feels like it i was more attractive maybe those dates where i was in love but it wasnt mutual would work out.
I social media stalk one girl in particular and evey new boyfriend she gets is like 500x more attractive than me and it just makes me feel hopeless but i litterally cant get over her. 2 years and the feelings never went away. Every time i think im over her i dream about her or something big happens involving her or a friend mentions her in passing and its like all these dormant feeling reawaken and i just feel so inadiqet. Like i dont even want any1 else. Its wierd and it fucking sucks.
I feel like the only real options left are get cosmetic surgery and hope that fixes everything, or die and never have to worry about it again but i genuinly think all the time about all the bad photos thsg would be used at my funeral. If i got cosmetic survery i would move to the other side of the country and start a new life and just pretend it never happened and not talk to any1 who new me from before until they A forgot what i looked like, or B enough time passed its reasonable i looked diffrent.
What should i do? Is this fixable?

It's just like the title says. We dated for 7 months and it was great. We were compatible, she is basically the first woman that showed similar intrests to mine. We broke up a little after the start of this school year over something stupid, I got into an argument with one of her friends, the argument wasn't about her or anything but she tried to push me into apologising and "ending the weird air". I refused, we went back and fourth for a while, she called me selfish and I retaliated. We both got heated, some nasty things were said on both parts but she kinda stooped too low and I told her to leave. Fast forward a few months she has been dating another man since the start of this year ( calendar year i mean ) (yes, I still stalk her social media from time to time, don't judge me). I see her new boyfriend more than I'd like. We share classes, and I'm pretty sure I saw him twice in the gym. If I'm being honest, I have never despised a creature more in my life. It has gone from wanting to beat him up to a feeling of genuine disgust whenever I see him.
Yesterday, I saw him with another girl in the library. What seemed like an innocent study session turned into him putting his soft arm around the girl, and a few minutes later, they were whispering and kissing and the girl had a big, dumb smile on her face. I am basically smiling as I write this post because he does not deserve my ex nor any woman for the matter, and I can finally put an end to this charade. I would have swallowed my pride and jealousy if she chose a better man but damn did she chose wrong.
I want to know the best course of action is ? I am planning on meeting with her on Wednesday or maybe Thursday after she is done with her classes and just lay it on her ? hopefully she sees reason. What do you think ?

Hi! Need 1 Medical VA to outsource.
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Currently have 2 clients and I can't handle another one unfortunately since both my clients are full-time and in the same timezone. Salary is 20-25k monthly, paid bi-weekly. Still trying to negotiate salary with client so this 'might' still change.
Please send resume and a short introduction via voice record to [outsourcingbyila@gmail.com](mailto:outsourcingbyila@gmail.com) with subject as "OUTSOURCE - MEDICAL RECEPTIONIST"
If selected, I will be inviting you to a short interview (just some basic questions). I also require chosen candidate to maintain constant communication with me during working hours specially since this client came from an agency. I have to send out updates to them as well.
Role: Medical Receptionist
Schedule: Monday - Friday, 8am-5pm PDT with 1 hour unpaid lunch
Client location/timezone: Orange County, CA
Responsibilities

• Answer and manage incoming calls politely and professionally.
• Maintain patient records and update them in the medical practice software.
• Provide patients with information on their inquiries and resolve their concerns on the call.

Requirements

• Minimal to Zero accent.
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• Background in E-clinical Works (ECW) is highly preferred but not required.
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I have 1 more upcoming client interview. If I manage to land that client, I will be making another post similar to this. Thank you and good luck to everyone!
PS. Please don't send chats/messages here on reddit, will only be entertaining e-mails. Thank you!

Hey baby girl,
I miss you so much and I’m so sorry that the last time we seen each other it hurt your feelings I want you to remember me. For the last 10 years, you have been my favorite person in the world. I have enjoyed so much time with you. Thank you for caring about me so much. You’re the reason that I stayed out of so much trouble over the years so you can be extremely proud of that. You changed my entire life for the better over the years so you can be extremely proud of that. You deserve so much happiness and I know you are going to be an amazing person for the rest of your life. Don’t let anyone change that you are so brave. I’m so proud of you. You are so strong and you have overcome so much. I sent a text to your mom today and I told her to tell her boyfriend thank you for being so good to you. He seems like a really good man and I pray that your mom marries him so you have a good father in your life. I know you’ve dealt with so much heartbreak and so much hurt already in your life but baby you’re gonna be fine. Please keep being the person that you are because you’ve always been so kind and caring you’ve always thought about everyone else first my heart has shattered during our last couple conversations because I know you see how much pain I’m in and I never wanted to show you this side of me. You have been my everything. Hey don’t forget you have family in Texas too. They still love you. I know your Texas mom still loves you very much. She was really good to you and I’m so grateful for the time that we all got to spend as a family. Those were some of my most cherished moments in life.. I just want you to know this is my decision and I know it’s selfish and I’ve tried to help but nothing works anymore. Grow up and be much better than I ever was remember baby it’s OK to fail. It’s not OK to give up. When my marriage failed, I didn’t give up I put in the work I needed to, but unfortunately, it was too late and things kind of got out of hand from there for me. You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy when skies are gray…. I’ve got a 45 minute long recording of us from when you were seven. And I’ve listened to it once and cried the entire time.. That was probably my favorite conversation that we ever had. That was the dad I wanted to be for you. And I’m so sorry that I diminished into the person that I am now. I’m just so lost and every day is getting worse. If you have any questions about me then ask your Texas mom she knew me better than anyone. She also has a special box for you make sure you get that box from her. Go live out all of your dreams no matter what people tell you. When they tell you, you can’t do something prove them wrong. Use it as a learning lesson to get better try again sometimes in life there will be things where you fail and you don’t have another opportunity and that’s OK. Just be the best version of yourself and I know you will be unstoppable.
Daddy loves you from the day you were born to the end of eternity

tw: i'm someone who struggles with binging (NOT restriction), but i think some of the stuff i say hear might be particularly triggering to those who have more restrictive disorders.
My boyfriend was encouraging me to exercise because I really fucking should and it would at least slightly offset the weight I have gained from binging for the past few fucking months, but I'm so scared of exercising again that I burst into tears when he suggested that idea to me.
The last time I got consistent exercise was when I was trying to properly lose weight for the first time around 20210 and it sort of worked for about a year. For some reason, I just couldn't keep it up. When I finally got to my ideal weight, I struggled so much to maintain it and started binging endlessly and also exercising less. I've always struggled with being disciplined, but I thought I'd ingrained the exercising habit in me as I'd been doing it for a year at that point, but I really hadn't. I hated exerting myself, I hated that even when I felt exhausted after a workout, it wasn't as much as other people. I hated that the girls that didn't even exercise but just restricted were thinner than me.
At one point, I remember I was able to start exercising consistently again, but when college got busy I just stopped. The idea of starting again just made me feel so damn bad. I would start bursting into tears or having difficult breathing. Before fucking exercising! I'm much weaker than I used to be, and I feel so embarrassed and fat about how I am not as fit as I used to be.
I know I should get over myself, get disciplined, and start exercising for my health. And because I'm gaining weight and am in the OW category, I also know I should diet (in a healthy way). But the fact that I did it before makes it harder... Because I remember how much I hated it before. I don't want to go back to constantly thinking about calories, how I need to exercise more, how no matter what I do, it feels like everyone else is prettier and skinnier than me. But I need to get back to that for fucking health reasons. I hate it.

This thread is an easy way for everyone to discuss any activity from the girls on Bubble, Fromm and Weverse. You can link to translations, post screenshots, etc.
If you want to catch up on things, you can also check out u/chaoticdalso's daily compilation posts.
A few good accounts to follow on Twitter for translations and updates:

• @ot12fb
  
• @kitty_nim_
  
• @jeonghaseul
  
• @litell_johnn
  
• @gointofabbit
  
• @aneukie
  
• @loonabubble_
  

You can search by flair "Fan Messaging" or "Fab" to find a link to all previous Weekly Fan Messaging and Fab Discussion Threads. Feel free to send us a modmail if you have any suggestions or feedback.

Got to clarify, we are all in the same class. To resume kind of what happened, I had a friendship with this man called Jonathan. We were really close and I used to think of him as such a mature and understanding person since we had quite a more intimate trust in each other, but back in September he stole my girlfriend and made me pass the worst months of probably my whole life. I used to feel so lonely, he was pretty much the only person I trusted and as how of a closed person I am, I could help but think of him as such a special pal to me.
A lot of other stuff happened between us to the point where around in november I got the courage to talk to another friend of mine that also had quite the issue with him and with the whole conversation we had it was such a way to open my eyes. Then, there was a third friend who also joined it and we all realised how bad Jonathan messed up in different ways everyone.
It was troublesome, but at the end we all wrote a card for him telling everything about how we felt and basically ending the friendship. It was so hard, I practically lost my partner and my best friend in a matter of three months, way too confused because I didn’t even realised how bad the situation was until about half of the second month. Honestly, way too much for me. I recall the wave of emotions that went through me, how confusing was it to resent someone you thought so much about. It even got me at one point harming myself physically for that man. Back in the day I actually told him, I tried to see if he would care about it and yet all he did was see me with awkward eyes. God.
Back around January of this year, he for some reason decided to start to apologise to each one of us. He started out with my friends the same day and then told them that he was planning out to talk with me too. (Kind of like, in a way where he wanted them to tell me about it), and I remember having such an anxious month because of the wait. Literally a month. Would even give him chances and stay sometimes late in hope he would actually tell me anything, and yet? I ended up being the one asking him to meet. Once and for all, I just wanted to move along it all, I remember having quite the hope that things would go well to the point I got him a lollipop for when we ended chatting.
Yet, it was so disappointing. The first words of his were how he didnt even have an idea on what to talk to me about, he even confessed that he didnt even wanted to do it in the first place. (I might add, like around a week before he was still saying that he wanted to talk, and even since the day i sent him the message i gave him another week to prepare.) and, even that time with the wounds he recognised the fact he could had been the cause without me even saying anything, so disappointed i was. Most of the ten minuted of chat were mostly me asking stuff and him just misunderstanding my words and admiting of how a coward he was. Honestly, i didnt even forgave him that day and still havent to this day.
Back to the present, it has come to my notice about what has he been doing lately. There were a few notes he posted about missing other woman that isnt my ex (which hes still dating) and just all around crawling back for another person rather than his own relationship. Worst thing? My ex doesnt give a damn about it and was just kissing him today as always.
I feel frustrated. This man is literally publicly shaming his lover and no one seems to give a damn. And lately and since my friends also reconciled with him they just keep talking and kinda hanging out and its just so uncomfortable. They always talk about him and fun stuff he sends or do, or go to get things from him, and all I can do is just stick around next to them and stood around in silence till they decide to stop chatting. Worst thing is that, apart from the fact that I cant escape either of them, everyone just simply seem to treat me as if I was the obsessive one. “Oh you do all of this because youre jealous and you miss your ex!” No, I dont feel anything but shame for her, yet I cant help but get so bothered by even their voice.
I know this is being selfish as hell, and so inmature as well, but I simply wish I wouldnt have to see them anymore, and that my friends didnt talked to him either. I perfectly know the fact that I cant control their friendships or their life in general, but if just once they would let that guy actually feel such loneliness that he has made me feel. It feels so unfair that I am the one that has become so distant and bitter when I literally went trough hell just a bit ago. I know I am being jealous, even such a bad person for even wishing them to end their relationship, but how come? Can anyone just ever have the slightest respect on my persona?
Worst thing is that I wont be able to do anything but complain on a post that barely anyone will read, and I deeply wished I could just disappear at this point. Is there even a way to adress this with my friends without sounding like such an crybaby?

I've never been in a relationship, never got close to even getting in one. Haven't even been on a date, much less kiss someone. I just wanna go on a date with a girl and we can see where it goes from there.
I'm very straight-forward and don't see the point in lying to strangers on the internet loll.
I'm 21 years old and have completed my graduation last year. I live in Hyderabad, India.
I like reading novels while listening to music, driving and watching movies and shows. I follow cricket a lot too (Not getting over November 19 any time soon btw).
I like mostly Pop and Bollywood music with a little bit of Rock and Hip-hop.
So send me a message if you wanna get to know me and hopefully go on a date and hang out.

I've never been in a relationship, never got close to even getting in one. Haven't even been on a date, much less kiss someone. I just wanna go on a date with a girl and we can see where it goes from there.
I'm very straight-forward and don't see the point in lying to strangers on the internet loll.
I'm 21 years old and have completed my graduation last year. I live in Hyderabad, India.
I like reading novels while listening to music, driving and watching movies and shows. I follow cricket a lot too (Not getting over November 19 any time soon btw).
I like mostly Pop and Bollywood music with a little bit of Rock and Hip-hop.
So send me a message if you wanna get to know me and hopefully go on a date and hang out.

Help your gurlie out, pls! Me (24F) and my ex (25M) broke up last february from our almost 6yr rs that is supposed to be celebrated this month. We were eachothers first 'real' love and we really have this deep and genuine connection throughout the entire rs. For us it was a perfect rs. He's really a nice guy and he treats me very well. But we broke up because I caught him entertaining other girl (This was his first cheating issue) behind my back but didn't pursued. we were having issues prior this cheating. LDR kami for 6m and problems about time and understanding for eachother, It's draining for both of us. reviewing for boards kasi ako and nag aadjust pa siya sa work/adult life.
When we broke up, i can feel his sincerity and remorse to his mistake to the point he was mad to himself that he ruined me and our rs. but he decided that I should not give him a second chance because he knows that I will no longer be at peace in the rs. he said that his decision was entirely for my peace and also a little bit for him, as he was ashamed to what he's done and can no longer face me. But when I sent him my closure message, he said that he doesn't know if he made the right decision, he still can't let me go and he's head is basically in a mess right now and can't give me a proper closure around this time. I can't move forward knowing that he still can't let me go. But then, we continued no contact fir few months. Until recently my friend found him on a dating app. This broke me but I still didn't reached out. I was confused and felt like he's giving me mixed signals.
This is my first true heartbreak and idk how to move forward without even getting the closure i guess? Pero ayoko ma stuck sa ganitong sitwasyon na walang kasiguraduhan

It was my cousin sister's wedding and we are Indians, so if you are Indian or know Indian friends/weddings, you know the drill - the daysss long wedding events, the heavy dresses and jewelry, and also, some serious family dramas.
My cousin and I are very close even if there is a huge age gap between us. Naturally, when her wedding came around I was very excited and I helped a lot with the planning and decoration and the food - literally everything. It was exactly as we have imagined her wedding to be like. Just perfect in every way possible. But again, it's a wedding. How is a wedding ever complete with a Drama Llama? So dear potato community, here is the tea.
The man that my cousin was marrying to, my current BIL, is an amazing man who has been with my cousin since their college days. They were friends in their college days and when they started working they joined the same company so they remained close to each other. Friendship turned into love and they decided to date and eventually get married. Both the families were informed and everyone was very happy with their decisions, except just one person. BIL's sister. She didn't have any personal problems with my cousin, her only issue was that her best friend liked my BIL, let's name this friend the 'idiot' (because she truly is an idiot and this is honestly the nicest word I can use for her).
When idiot found out that BIL loved someone else and is getting married, she went ballistic. She has been trying to get his attention for so many years and he didn't even turn towards her even for one day and he was being head over heels for my cousin. I understand her being upset, I have been a girl in love and in heartbreak too, but I wouldn't try to break someone's marriage because of my heartbreak.
Yes she tried to stop their marriage via BIL's sister. The two forged all types of absurd accusations on my cousin and tried to anonymously sneak in the accusations in means of messages from unknown numbers to my cousin's then future FIL and MIL, to emails and even letters delivered to their doorstep. My cousin was really stressed because she thought the FIL and MIL would think the accusations are true and would stop the wedding. I told her, "don't worry sisso, I am here." (add dramatic music here and imagine a cape on my back).
My cousin's father (my maternal uncle), me and my brother first went to the FIL and MIL to let them know that all of this was false and that my cousin is innocent. We asked them for some time and that we will find proof of who has been sending them those false news and will let them know of everything and then they are free to judge and make decisions from their side. We got the permission from them and decided to get to work immediately.
One thing I forgot to mention was that BIL used to live in his own house in a different state from where his parents lived after he got a job. Before this, my cousin and BIL used to live in one town and went to college together. Once they got their jobs, they both came to my city, BIL got his own house and my cousin came to live with me. His family came to live with him when he told them that he wanted to marry so they came help him with the wedding arrangements. What's unfortunate is that the sister also brought her best friend, the 'idiot', who was in love with my BIL since she was 15 and BIL was 17.
I mentioned BIL having his own separate house in a new town because it was important to mention. Both his sister and the idiot didn't know he installed security cameras in his house and that the camera was pretty well hidden so they couldn't have noticed either. We asked BIL if we can see the camera's recordings and we saw someone early in the morning at 4 am dropping a letter. Guess who it was... THE IDIOT!! We showed it to my cousin's FIL and MIL and they cross questioned the idiot about it and she was in tears and admitted to everything. She and BIL's sister apologized for everything. They were forgiven and it was a happily ever after... or so you thought...
Everything after that was pretty peaceful, all the arrangements were made and we are now at the wedding day. My cousin was really jumpy and on her toes at all times, she was panicking so bad about everything. My brother and I had to sit her down and talk her out of her panic. She however mentioned that she was scared that idiot might try to pull up some sick stunt to ruin her wedding day. I however told to her calm down cause I wouldn't let my precious angel's wedding get ruined. I have seen enough Charlotte's videos to know that we must always have a backup plan prepared in advance in situations like this. And so I did. I collected a lot of information and evidences and kept them in place in case they come in handy.
I had my suspicions that they would do something to mess up the wedding way before it even became a thought in my cousin's mind, so I did a little research about the two. Since we all belong from the same hometown, I got in contact with my friends who still lived in the town that my cousin and my BIL used to live in. I asked around about these two baboons and found out that BIL's sister had a boyfriend and has even slept with him. Premarital smex is a big no no here. As for the idiot, I found out that she was slowly getting BIL's sister into illegal substances and into becoming a call girl. Again, a big no no. And I think no parent in this world would want their child to do something that would end up in trouble for them and the child as well. I knew my cousin's FIL and MIL would be worried about their daughter and take actions immediately if I let them know of this. I would have told them this after the wedding was over anyway, but that would have been in private so no one else would know, but I guess the girls wanted something else.
Once the wedding ceremony started and the guests were all there, they were enjoying, everyone was having fun and giving their blessings to the new husband and wife to be. These two pain in the asses were going around and gossiping about my cousin to everyone. We noticed that, and we came up with a quick solution. I asked two of my male friends, who is very attractive to go and talk to the girls. However I told them to switch on their recorder and be with them no matter what. God bless my two friends, they did exactly what I told them without thinking twice. They came to me after an hour or so and told me what was going on.
The two girls were planning to ruin her wedding dress. When I tell you that shit was costly, IT WAS COSTLY. It was really heavy with all the heavy stone work that was done on the cream colored lehenga and if it was stained it would be ruined. We could not afford that in any cost. She was taking a glass of juice from the juice counters and tried sitting right behind the bride but I stepped in and told her to go sit behind her brother and that I would sit behind my cousin. She was trying so hard but me and my brother kept pushing her off and away from my cousin. Eventually she did manage to throw it but it accidentally landed on someone from the groom's side and she got scolded by her. While her grumpy face was funny to see, I still had enough because if that aunty wasn't there, it would have been my cousin. After the wedding was over and people were going to start taking the photos with the couple, I announced that me and my brother had some things to say. Initially we talked about the bride and the groom but then we shifted the attention to the groom's sister and her friend. We played the audios of the calls I had with her friends in the hometown as a surprise to the groom's sister. There were a lot of angry faces, some on the sister and some on me and my brother. I tried to explain, that had she and her friend not try to ruin my cousin sister's wedding dress, this wouldn't have been broadcasted to the entire wedding venue. I then called my two male friends and both of their faces was in gasps. Both of them pulled out their phones and I played the recordings on one of the phones, which explained how they were still spreading fake news about my cousin and also them planning to ruin my cousin's dress. We also got the video recording of them actively trying to throw the red colored drink on my cousin's dress.
Both of them got kicked out from there and weren't allowed to enter until the rest of the ceremony was over. Both of them stood outside, making attempts to convince anyone who would listen to them and let them in, but no one paid heed to them. Once everyone got home they were scolded badly and my BIL's sister kept screaming at me that I was so mean and rude to have their truths exposed to not just her family, but to every relative and friends who was there to witness the show. While my cousin was glad that I had her back and my brother is standing in support of me, my parents and some of our relatives think that it should have dealt within the family and shouldn't have been exposed to anyone outside of the immediate family members. AITA?
Note: I am so sorry if the post ended up being too long but I just wanted to give all the context that would be required to judge the entire situation and my actions as well. Also if something doesn't make sense just blame it on my sleepy head cause I wrote it in half sleep mode.