Ex boyfriend and best friend dating quotes

For context, my boyfriend has 2 very close friends that he spends the majority of his time with. One of them is single but very much centres women in his life & just seems like he's always on the 'prowl. And the other is my boyfriend's best friend who is a prolific cheater. He's been with his girlfriend for years and has cheated on her for basically the entire time.
My boyfriend shakes his head or says to his friend that it's not okay to cheat but that's it. We've met the girlfriend on multiple occasions and all I can think about the entire time is that she's being cheated on. This friend has even cheated on his girlfriend in my boyfriends house after a party once.
Me and my bf have spoken about cheating before and I don't get the sense that he would cheat but lalso just find it hard to believe that if these 2 other guys are with my boyfriend and pointing out women, looking at their Is etc. that my boyfriend would just sit there quietly and avert his gaze.
I don't like that my bf can be best friends with a cheater and it makes me feel like he lacks integrity. I appreciate they've been friends for 13 years but I honestly feel like it holds me back in trusting my boyfriend because birds of a feather flock together! And I think I sound stupid/ delusional to believe that my bf could be the anomaly of the group and the 'good' one.
Would you be concerned is this a red flag?
TL;DR; : boyfriend’s best friend is a prolific cheater and it makes me question my boyfriend’s integrity + trust in my bf. Is this a red flag?

Hello so me (F20) and boyfriend (M19) have been together for over 2 years now. We met about three years ago and was briefly dating but In my eyes he was really childish. It would be me just going to his house and we would watch films and he would order food and in my eyes it was like he didn’t know how to treat me how I wanted to be treated so I ghosted him. I met somebody else and started seeing him for a few months. Let’s call him Derrick. Me and Derrick ended things 6 months later because he just wasn’t acting how I wanted my future partner to act like and I didn’t wanna waste our time. Then me and my boyfriend started seeing eachother again. Now. All he does when we argue is say that I cheated on him with Derrick. Why he thinks that is because on the day I ghosted him it was a festival and I decided to go with my friends my cousins and their friends (one of them being Derrick). I understand that ghosting is a shitty thing to do and I always take accountability for that but I don’t think I cheated. We wasn’t in a relationship and i had just gotten out of a 3 year teen relationship when I met my now boyfriend. I don’t know what to do because it’s driving me insane. Every time I mention something that upsets me it’s always hit back with the - you cheated on me. I can’t take it anymore. Please give advice on how to approach this situation.

I've been dating my fiancé for four years, and until now, our relationship has been going great. But we went to a school reunion of mine, and he overheard some of my friends teasing me about being useless. He acted a little oddly the rest of the night. I thought it was just awkwardness from being around a bunch of my friends he didn't know, so I left early.
We pulled over to get drinks on the way back, and when I brought them back to the car, he was pretty upset. He had looked through my journal (he's allowed), and seemed disgusted with what I was like as a teen. I laughed out of at first, been when he was serious, we started to fight.
Don't get me wrong - I was an absolute waste in high school. I fully didn't attend classes and would have been expelled if that wouldn't have cost the school money. But I had my excuses - not good ones, but nonetheless. I wasn't a delinquent or anything, I just... treated the school like an apartment complex. 😅 I was actually really well liked (because, hey, I had nothing better to do than help out), and my best friend ended up valedictorian.
But I don't see any reason that would be a problem now. I was a lazy, aggrieved teen for four years more than a decade ago. I've been a rancher for twice that! I don't think it suggests that I'm going to break under pressure or not be able to take care of others, because my whole job is taking care of birds and livestock in bad situations. My fiancé has said that he was first attracted to me because of how responsible and attentive I am towards them.
Now, should I have told him sooner? Probably, yeah. But I don't know anything about what he was like in high school either, and I didn't want to come off as whiny or bring up something I'm ashamed of. I genuinely didn't think it would matter to him. And I can't help but be offended that it is.

I (21F) started seeing this guy (21M) about a month ago. We've gone on some romantic dates and he seems to like me a lot. He got out of a 2 year relationship about 3 months ago so I was not expecting a lot from this. Side note - I have been obsessed with this guy who goes to a nearby school that I have seen on and off for about 3 years, but never in the context of a real relationship. Our last contact was more than a month ago when I reached out and we talked for a second before he left me a dry message that I did not respond to.
I've alluded to my obsession with this guy in passing, just that I'm also kinda hung up on someone in a similar way he is to his ex. He asked one time if I still thought about him to which I answered truthfully, yes, daily, it's a real obsession and one that I hate having. This made him quite upset and he was seriously considering not continuing to see me, which I totally understand. We seemed to have come to the conclusion that we would continue seeing each other as we had been and that it was too early on to make rash decisions about this. He said that he would talk to his therapist and might change his mind in the coming days. We had agreed to be exclusive earlier, which is not an official boyfriend-girlfriend agreement, but one that requires we not sleep with other people. In the morning, he said that he wouldn't change his mind and that we would continue business as usual.
A few days later I get a text from the other guy (22M) asking to get coffee to catch up sometime. It was a text I've been wanting for a while. I was shocked and didn't know whether I should ignore the text, respond but decline, or agree to see him. I went back and forth for a while, mainly because I am so scared of hurting who I am seeing. Despite my hesitation, I've agreed to see him for coffee. A part of me sees this meeting as being helpful. Perhaps it would take off the veil of my fantasy towards this guy? Or maybe ending things on my terms will be beneficial? He is leaving for the summer so it would not make sense to pursue him seriously.
My question is whether I should tell the guy that I am seeing. Since I regretfully disclosed my obsession, he would not be thrilled about this coffee meeting. He would likely be upset and try to prevent it. I'm definitely not going to engage in anything sexual with this guy. I feel like if I did tell him and he tried to stop it from happening, I would resent him and regret not going anytime I didn't get along with this guy. I could also tell him after I do it, but still I don't know if it would be beneficial or necessary to tell him everything. I feel skeevy about the whole thing but I do really like this guy but also feel the need to see this other guy for coffee.
TL;DR: To tell or not tell about coffee with an ex

Hello there you fine internet surfers, my name is Alex. To briefly describe myself

• I am tall, standing at about 6'4
• I am overweight though visiting the gym often and working with my doctor on the best way to lose weight
• I wear glasses and have long black hair that I usually just throw in a simple ponytail -I have pretty bad social anxiety, so any confidence this post gives off will quickly crumble once you've message me, though online I tend to be more confident in general -My hobbies include gaming, cooking, and learning more about computers -I work full time in tech and have iffy plans on ever returning to college for a degree

yeah that about covers the (kinda) brief description of me.
For what I'm looking for, I'm really not picky on anything. Sure I have my types but I cannot think of anything that isn't normally a deal breaker that would only apply to me. Just be kind and don't ghost me.
I'm looking to date not make friends, though if that is an unintended side effect then I am glad to stay friends. I'm also not looking for anything casual. Similar reasoning above, I'd prefer to date and not have a little fling.
I'm totally easy going, I love to try new things all the time, wether that's food or activities I am down to try anything atleast once.
To conclude the long post, just shoot me a message on Reddit and we will see where it goes from there. I'm down to move to other apps but I would prefer not to post my accounts publicly

I'm 35 and have struggled with bi attraction most of my life. I've always had a crush on straight guys, even fell in love with my best friend and had to push him away so I could just see him as a friend. I'm married now but till this day, I still dream about sleeping with him and it brings those feelings back for a couple of days. I want to be monogamous and feel really guilty about it even though it's involuntary so I avoid him until I don't feel that way. It feels like a major problem because any other guy I've gotten close with, I've wanted to sleep with.
I've never tried to because I respect them too much and just want good friends. It's mostly during my bi cycle and it doesn't help that I'm friends with men that are my 'type'. I tend to push them away because I know if my bi cycle hits and we're hanging out with alcohol involved, I may fuck up. Another part of the problem is my straight friends make gay jokes alot and it's hard to tell how much they are joking. I had one tell me he'd have his way with me if I wasn't with my gf(now ex) at the time. He didn't know I was bi but I'm a fairly attractive guy and I get hit on a lot.
I've felt like this with women too but it's way easier to avoid because I don't get too close to them. My straight buddy thinks it's normal to want to fuck other people and I don't disagree but I hate what it becomes with men. It's like a primal lust and I have to jo multiple times to think straight. I don't think it's repression because I've been in two open relationships with an ex bf and gf. It sounds good but I can't get into sharing my partner. It just sucks because I'm feeling incapable of being a platonic friend.
Tldr; I always want to fuck my guy friends so I feel guilty and push them away.

This happened years ago, my boyfriend told me that he had kissed someone and I broke up with him after that. This I told my friend and she was there for me in that time. She even said you are so strong etc etc.
After few months, we decided to work on the relationship and got back together. I deliberately didn’t ask what she thought of it, Cz I knew she wouldn’t understand.
Now, around 6 months after this, she started having issues with her boyfriend, and was thinking of breaking up. I tried to be there for her and give her as much perspective as possible. I was giving her pros and cons of staying with him & leaving him.(over text). And without context she was like, if it were me I would never have gotten together with my boyfriend after cheating. I was a bit taken aback because we were not discussing things in the same vein. But I didn’t want to argue with her so I replied something that ended the topic.
Now, after 2-3 years, she told me That her boyfriend had kissed someone in a party when they were first dating and that she was very hurt by this, but then continued to date him.
(No mention was made of her texting me that she would never get back together with someone who cheated on her)
I felt so gaslit by her in that moment. She could have easily told me this, when I told her about my situation, it would have offered me some perspective. AND then not lied to me about her own reaction to it.
We have been friends almost 20 years and lived together as well. These kinds of moments with her are far and few but they do arise, and in that moment I feel like …… what the fuck?

I 25M, have been friends with a girl X (24F) since the past 6 months (since last December). X began dating Y (27M) who's also a good friend of mine, for 4 months before I became good friends with them (i.e. before December). Their relationship came to an end in December because Y was looking for something casual and X was very serious, it being her first ever relationship. However, things started to get more complicated post January. Although, they had officially ended their relationship, they were spending a lot more time together and even came physically closer. The rest of the friends in our group used to pull their leg for the situationship of theirs, but they continued on for another 3 months till March.
In March they officially broke up, and from April our college break started. Y went home, and X and I stayed back in college for our internships. We started spending an unhealthy amount of time together (so much so that rumors began spreading about the two of us which X told me), going out for walks late at night, watching movies, going for drives at night, eating dinner together. Some nights she shared her most personal traumas with me and like a good friend I listened to her and comforted her. In a nutshell she liked spending time with me and talking to me and I became her distraction and source of emotional comfort form all the chaos that happened before. Normally she never talked about her relationship all this while.
However, things started to get complicated from the 2nd month. I still keep in touch with Y, whereas X has little to no contact with him. On speaking with Y last week, I came to know, Y has moved on from his relationship with X, he's active on dating apps and been out on a date with a girl too. On a different occasion Y was almost on the verge of making out with another girl at a friend's party where X was also present, but she was not aware of it. I have no intentions of letting X know of all this at any cost as it'll break her heart and also, I was told all of this in confidence by Y. On the other hand, recently X revealed she misses the times she had with him and keeps coming back to the thoughts of him albeit not much, (she gets too emotionally attached too soon, it also being her first relationship) but that's because he's not around at the moment. College starts in another 3 weeks, and they'll start seeing each other more often once again. Y is pretty sure of dating someone new when he returns but X is haunted by the old memories that'll be brought back because of his presence in her life once again.
In between all of this I started to develop feelings for X, which have been growing exponentially within me with each passing day. I know I can't confess my feelings to her, but I can't also be around her anymore with these feelings within me. I've gone into self-destructive habits and the only way I can see myself coming out of this is by letting X know about this and stop hanging out with her anymore. But with her having so much to deal with already, it breaks my heart to put her through this. On top of that the big load in my head from hiding the conversations and intentions of Y, while X still misses him is driving me crazy. Spending all this time together, X may also have developed some feelings for me, but she's too clouded by her breakup to see any of it, and I don't expect her to be with me especially with her past baggage this soon. Furthermore, her last relationship has left such a bitter taste in her that she promises to not date for another year and focus more on enjoying the college life. I'm deciding to wait till her internship ends and her work doesn't get affected to tell her and slowly distance myself from her. Please suggest how can I make this any better.
TL;DR: I developed feelings for my friend, who's still hung up on her ex, while her X has moved on. I can't handle the emotional burden and plan to distance myself from her before college starts.

The other night my boyfriend had a small party. During this party, he got a little too high (weed is legal here) and went to lie in bed to decompress. During this time his female friend went and laid next to him (sober btw) and they shut the the door. Throughout the time people would come in and out of the room, but there were often times where they were in there alone laughing riotously. I kept going in to tell them to leave the room or at least leave the door open, but when I left to return to the party they always shut the door again.
Before this, I had been fine with a girl best friend. They hang out multiple times a week alone at night, but I trust him and want him to have his friendships apart from me. Laying in bed just seems like a blatant crossing of boundaries even if it was side by side and over the sheets. As a woman, I can't imagine laying in bed platonically with a man especially if said man had a girlfriend.
Brought it up to him, and he said nothing would ever happen so he can't see why it's wrong. I feel that I was disrespected and he failed to stand up for me or do something to alleviate a scenario I was clearly uncomfortable with. Am I overreacting about this or does this seem like an active pass at him on her part? How do I help him see my perspective if I am indeed being reasonable?

I 25M, have been friends with a girl X (24F) since the past 6 months (since last December). X began dating Y (27M) who's also a good friend of mine, for 4 months before I became good friends with them (i.e. before December). Their relationship came to an end in December because Y was looking for something casual and X was very serious, it being her first ever relationship. However, things started to get more complicated post January. Although, they had officially ended their relationship, they were spending a lot more time together and even came physically closer. The rest of the friends in our group used to pull their leg for the situationship of theirs, but they continued on for another 3 months till March.
In March they officially broke up, and from April our college break started. Y went home, and X and I stayed back in college for our internships. We started spending an unhealthy amount of time together (so much so that rumors began spreading about the two of us which X told me), going out for walks late at night, watching movies, going for drives at night, eating dinner together. Some nights she shared her most personal traumas with me and like a good friend I listened to her and comforted her. In a nutshell she liked spending time with me and talking to me and I became her distraction and source of emotional comfort form all the chaos that happened before. Normally she never talked about her relationship all this while.
However, things started to get complicated from the 2nd month. I still keep in touch with Y, whereas X has little to no contact with him. On speaking with Y last week, I came to know, Y has moved on from his relationship with X, he's active on dating apps and been out on a date with a girl too. On a different occasion Y was almost on the verge of making out with another girl at a friend's party where X was also present, but she was not aware of it. I have no intentions of letting X know of all this at any cost as it'll break her heart and also, I was told all of this in confidence by Y. On the other hand, recently X revealed she misses the times she had with him and keeps coming back to the thoughts of him albeit not much, (she gets too emotionally attached too soon, it also being her first relationship) but that's because he's not around at the moment. College starts in another 3 weeks, and they'll start seeing each other more often once again. Y is pretty sure of dating someone new when he returns but X is haunted by the old memories that'll be brought back because of his presence in her life once again.
In between all of this I started to develop feelings for X, which have been growing exponentially within me with each passing day. I know I can't confess my feelings to her, but I can't also be around her anymore with these feelings within me. I've gone into self-destructive habits and the only way I can see myself coming out of this is by letting X know about this and stop hanging out with her anymore. But with her having so much to deal with already, it breaks my heart to put her through this. On top of that the big load in my head from hiding the conversations and intentions of Y, while X still misses him is driving me crazy. Spending all this time together, X may also have developed some feelings for me, but she's too clouded by her breakup to see any of it, and I don't expect her to be with me especially with her past baggage this soon. Furthermore, her last relationship has left such a bitter taste in her that she promises to not date for another year and focus more on enjoying the college life. I'm deciding to wait till her internship ends and her work doesn't get affected to tell her and slowly distance myself from her. Please suggest how can I make this any better.
TL;DR: I developed feelings for my friend, who's still hung up on her ex, while her X has moved on. I can't handle the emotional burden and plan to distance myself from her before college starts.

My husband of 4 years learned only a few months ago that he had a daughter he never knew about. The mother of his daughter was an ex he was with 8 years ago for a few months. She moved out of state and he never saw her again. She never mentioned being pregnant. But she was and her family had been taking care of my stepdaughter for almost 2 years because because my husband's ex had started doing drugs and drinking heavily so she was not fit to parent. They attempted to help her but when they realized it was a lost cause they decided to notify my husband.
A DNA test was carried out which confirmed he is the father of his daughter. She's 7.
It came as a surprise but wasn't something we struggled to accept. It was mostly strange because we were all strangers and my stepdaughter didn't know my husband or he didn't know her. So some time was taken to make sure they knew each other before she moved in with us. I'm also pregnant so a lot of changes have been going on.
I have done my best to keep things as normal as possible for my 15 year old son. So nothing much has changed for him but this bothers my husband's parents. My son always spent a lot of time with friends and my ILs feel this is wrong now that he has a sister to get to know and a brother or sister on the way. They feel like I should be changing his schedule so he's home more and carve out plenty of time for them to bond because they hardly ever interact.
My husband said doing that could make him resent her when some things have already changed. He also pointed out that they won't have much in common given the age gap and the fact they're opposite sexes. My ILs said it's on me as my son's mom and only parent to make sure he gives my stepdaughter a real chance and gives her a chance to be a sister instead of a stepsister and by keeping his schedule as it is, I am not encouraging that. When I told them I didn't want to change bring even more changes to his life right now and wouldn't change anything they accused me of not caring about the consequences and not being a good mom or stepmom.
AITA?

Hey, thanks for reading and for any advice you guys can offer.
So, my partner and I moved in to a new house recently, our landlord seems lovely and the letting agents have been great too, the house itself has no issues and my boyfriend is an mechanic and there's a garage so, it's been ideal for us and for keeping car bits out of the house!
Although, the house we've moved into is a four in a block (for anyone that doesn't know, basically a semi detached house with an upstairs flat and a downstairs flat on either side) and our upstairs neighbour has been a bit of a nightmare. For context, the walls and floors of the house are paper thin, we can hear every word she says on the phone and we can tell where she is in her flat by the sounds the floorboards make.
When we moved in, my bf was building some furniture at like maybe 1pm-2pm on a Saturday, the usual IKEA flat pack stuff and she (the upstairs neighbour) started banging on the ceiling. So, he walked away from it and instead went out to the garage to fix a few things there. Me and a friend were sitting inside talking and she started shouting, telling us to shut up. We reported it to our letting agent and they contacted the council (shes a council tenant) and reported it to them, they then must have contacted her to tell her to stop as we overheard her crying on the phone to someone, presumably a parent, about how much noise we make and how were constantly distubing her, however, she's now purposely stomping around her flat whenever she knows we're home and honestly, sometimes feels like she's following us through the ceiling as whenever we leave the living room and go somewhere else in the flat, her footsteps upstairs seem to follow us, we also had a gas engineer in to sort the boiler and she banged 3 times when him and I were just discussing the issue.
We don't particularly care if she's stomping about, everyone's entitled to live at the end of the day and so long as she's not disrupting us at like 4am, she can talk as loud as she likes and make as much noise as she likes, she doesn't seem to work as I sometimes work from home and ill hear her on the phone complaining all through the day so she's never NOT home and it's left us in a tricky situation.
Our landlord and letting agent told us just to live the way we normally would and try and ignore it as best we can, my BF isn't bothered by her banging and shouting but because of it, I'm kinda struggling to settle in and my BF isn't doing the things he usually would, working in the garage or gaming because he's worried she'll start banging again or shouting and it'll make me feel more anxious.
Does anyone have any advice on how to deal with her? I don't want my partner feeling like he can't actually do the things he enjoys and I don't want to feel like I can't bring my friends over out of fear the neighbour upstairs is going to throw a hissy fit over us having conversations and just generally living!

Hi everyone. Sorry for the bad english
I am a 24 year old boy.
A few months ago I started to develop a very strong relationship with a 22 year old friend of mine(F).
I have already known her for 2 years as she is part of the company I frequent but for 5 months now she has started writing to me, we talk every day from morning to late evening(2:00/3:00 am), we do things together, we talk a lot and we even go out alone, only I and her. without the company that we frequent-
The problem comes from the fact that she is engaged with a boy from the company (3 years of relationship) and the problem has arisen several times that she says she feels she is doing her boyfriend a disservice by behaving like this with me. Because if her boyfriend did this to another girl she would go crazy.
I bought a house and from the moment she found out she started saying that she wanted to help me with the furniture, with the design of the house, that she would come to visit me several times, to watch movies, play games and spend time with me. Just me and her.(the house will be avaiable at July)
She has always sent me ambiguous signals, ambiguous phrases, ambiguous ways of acting. She made a jealous scene at me because she thought I liked another girl
In any case we continued with this relationship. 1 month ago she went on holiday for a week with her boyfriend and although she said she wanted to detach herself from our relationship(being that we write or call each other every day from morning to night), she didn't and in fact she continued to write to me while she was with her boyfriend on the other side of the world.
when she came back, we saw each other and in the evening everything was fine. When she returned home she wrote to me telling me that she felt guilty towards her boyfriend, because she hadn't told him that she and I saw each other that evening. I tried to understand if she was interested in me because she always says that she knows the best solution would be to reduce the frequency with which we talk but she can't do it (she doesn't know why she can't).
Consequently I thought that maybe she might like me, I tried to get him to bring up the subject but nothing. She said she knew very well what she should do (move away and gain some distance) but that she couldn't do it.
We went to sleep as it was late and the next day she wrote to me telling me that there were some things I wasn't telling her, after which she asked me if I likes her. I replied that I have an interest in her, bad response. He started saying that it wasn't okay, that it was better to stop talking to each other. So I took courage and asked her if she likes me.
And she responded with a curt "No, I thought you understood."
After that I managed to make her understand that mine is just an interest and that I don't like her that much. (It's not too true, cause i like her)
So for now I have saved this friendship relationship that we have, but I realize that the thought of this hurts me, I don't understand if it's true that she doesn't like me or if she doesn't even know exactly. If she is afraid of leaving her boyfriend or no.
I don't think you would write to someone on the other side of the world every day, while you're on holiday with your boyfriend if there wasn't some kind of interest, but from what she says, she doesn't like me and in fact she told me that if If I had told her that I like her, she would have ended the relationship we have, because it wouldn't be fair to her, her bf and also to me.
Now I find myself not knowing what to do. I don't think I could go back to how we were at the beginning, going out in the company with the others, her and her boyfriend. Pretending nothing happened. But at the same time I understand that this situation is difficult for her because she can't tell her boyfriend and this ruin our relationship, because she puts her doubts on me.
TL;DR Do you have any advice? she really doesn't like me? Because the signals it sends are very ambiguous and strange. even my friends all thought she liked me.
And now I find myself at a crossroads where the easiest but most painful thing seems to be to break off this unhealthy relationship.

I am not the OOP. The OOP is u/themachucajr posting in Marriage
Ongoing as per OOP
1 updates - Long
Original - 7th May 2024
Update - 15th May 2024
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My wife friend-zoned me and wants a platonic “companionship”
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My wife (35f) and I (35m) have been married for 15 years and we've been together for 20 years. We have two kids (12,14) we absolutely adore and work tirelessly to provide the best possible life for them. For the past 3 years, things have been somewhat bumpy. I understand that our kids are at an age where they require a ton of our attention and resources with school, band, club sports, and other extracurriculars and I'm aware of the physical and emotional toll that can have on marriages.
However, for these past 3 years, my wife and I have had very little intimacy and very little sex and we've been trying very hard to work on that aspect of our relationship. This past year has been the most difficult and by far the darkest year in our marriage. We didn’t talk very much, we essentially became roommates coparenting our kids under the same roof. It was very depressing and very demoralizing. It was to the point where we began contemplating divorce and it became very dark and gloomy in the household because of that.
We began seeking help with both individualized therapy and couples therapy and it seems to have helped some. Little by little we started to get along and started to have deeper conversations about what our marriage looks like and what we would love for it to look like. This is where it gets tough. As time passed, my wife started to tell me she no longer was "in love with me" and that she only saw me as a "best friend." That she only loved me in a very platonic way, and this was one of the main reasons she didn’t have any desire for intimacy and let alone sex.
This was very shocking to me and quite frankly, I was devastated. I because angry and depressed and I couldn't fathom the thought that I was no longer wanted or desired by the person I felt completely in love with. Things began to deteriorate again and not long after, we were back to square one. I sat down with her one afternoon and had a heart to heart and began to ask questions about where the root of this problem lies, and her answer was "I don't know" and that "I have built up resentment towards you but I don't know where it stems from." As you can imagine, this provides very little to no insight into how to approach this.
I'm puzzled, I'm frustrated and I do not know what to do at this point. Currently, we've arrived at a place where she says that she has no sex drive and no desire for intimacy or connection. She says that all she wants is simply "companionship" which basically means our coparenting roommate dynamic. I asked her what I could possibly do or what is it about me that is so unattractive or undesirable and she her response is always "I don't know." She stated that she does "love" me but its not the same. That she has been feeling disconnected for years and that our marriage just takes up too much work. Her focus is only the children for now and that my coparenting contributions are "meaningful" to her in our home.
I'm at a loss and I'm mainly venting about my frustration. It's tough to realize that the person you love has no feelings for you. I feel like at this point I'm only here to contribute financially and as a parent. I feel like what she means with "companionship" is that she's comfortable with the convenience of having a good father for our kids and my financial contribution to the household.
In regard to intimacy and/or sex, she basically told me that its not something she’s interested in or wants at this time. She mentioned that the only way to get to a point for any of that is to be intoxicated which o believe is incredibly awful and very wrong. I told her I do not think forcing herself to have sex or be intimate by drinking or smoking is good and I declined to be a part of that which to my surprise, it upset her and made her more distant.
We're both extremely honest and transparent. We've never cheated on each other and we are always free to look through each others phones, emails, socials, etc. and we hardly ever do. I asked her if there was someone else and she declined. Honestly, I believe her. We then peacefully went through each other’s things and as expected, it was clean. We've always been very forward, even with the hard topics so I don't smell nor feel any foul play or infidelity.
Am I wrong for declining to only be intimate or have sex when she’s intoxicated? (I'm firm on my stance of not partaking in this "only when I'm high or drunk" sex because it doesn’t sit well with me.) I do not know how to help our situation and I'm starting to become a bit anxious and desperate. We're both fairly young and healthy individuals and good looking. We both have good standing careers and are good parents. I'm just not sure how our lives could have driven us to this point. I'd love some outside perspective on this matter and some insight on how to address something like this. It feels so awful to be unwanted and undesired by my own spouse. I hate it.
tl;dr: My wife of 15+ years is no longer in love with me and doesn’t know way and now says she can only have sex while intoxicated or I need to settle for a platonic sexless marriage and she doesn’t know why that is but it is what it is and I'm in need of insight or advice.
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Comments
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Warthog__
From your comment history it looks like you are Swingers? If so, I would think that would be relevant information to consider.

OOP: We did some swinging in the past. That was fun for some time. We mutually decided to stop doing it and we have established it’s not the case. When we were swinging however, our marriage seemed to be in a good place. This IS something we did disclose with our couple therapist and made sure to include it to make sure we’re not neglecting an obvious potential issue.
I will say, I did ask my wife if what she experienced during swinging is something that is affecting her view on our relationship and she said it wasn’t. Our swinging experience was always together and it was very sex driven. Nothing really emotional or “poly”. Truth is, I have to believe her at her word. I have no reason to distrust her. To date, she’s always been very forward and never afraid of dealing things head on. No matter how painful.

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failedopportunities
It’s an obvious potential issue bro… wether it be she’s enjoying herself a side piece and wants nothing to do with you in that manner anymore. Or, she just went along with you on the swinging and never wanted to do it in the first place. Hence brings resentment. Regardless, should have been included in the initial post.

OOP: Swinging was her idea. Not mine. But I suppose I should have included it but I honestly believe her on it not being an issue. I don’t have any reason to distrust her. Maybe it’s something she has to accept with her therapist or our couples therapist. Can’t really approach that with a solution if she doesn’t think it was a problem. IDK

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BigIronBruce

She says that all she wants is simply "companionship" which basically means our coparenting roommate dynamic.

That's only a marriage if you both agree it is. You're hoping she's going to wake up one day and feel different but she's basically said that's not going to happen and doesn't want to figure out why she feels that way. It seems like you tried several different ways to get to the bottom of it and she's either deflected or is being honest that she's not in love with you.

Am I wrong for declining to only be intimate or have sex when she’s intoxicated?

I wouldn't do this, either, if that makes you feel better.
Will she be your best friend if you live elsewhere and have a relationship with somebody in love you. Probably not. Which makes the whole "best friend" speech feel like self-deception on her part.
I won't lie, if it were me, I'd get a divorce. She doesn't seem willing to do the work to fix the marriage and you can't fix it alone. She might promise to fix it or beg you not to but you need to follow your gut as to whether she actually can or will fix it. She's serious that she wants you to stick around but not necessarily as her husband.
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OOP: A very hard truth to accept here. Thank you

Interesting-Tip-4850

"I’m ensure I do everything possible to mend our marriage to ensure my own peace of mind and excite knowing I did everything I could."

you may still concider 180 method, to protect yourself and perhaps in the same time the reality that the ship is leaving may start to change your wifes perspective. If that doesnt what else would.

OOP: Can you elaborate on the “180 Method”?

Interesting-Tip-4850
Basically withold from any unnecesary interactions and affection. This is from an infidelity forum, but principles are the same https://www.survivinginfidelity.com/documents/library/articles/discovery/the-simplified-180/

OOP: I bookmarked this. I’m heavily considering this.

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Update - 8 days later
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I wanted to give you guys an update of how the therapy session with my wife went this week. Not sure if this is helpful or not but I took many of the responses/comments/suggestions from my initial post and put together some things I wanted to discuss with our couples therapist to help us navigate some of the core issues that may be affecting this situation.
One of the main things that is the "buzz word" of this has been the term "resentment" and it has been really eating me up inside knowing my wife keeps telling me she doesn't know why she's resentful or doesn't know why this is affecting her emotionally/mentally. I brought this up with our therapist once again and resurfaced the conversation about being married for so long (15yrs) and being together since we ere 14yrs old. Our long history of growing up and how having children when she was 19yrs old (me 20) significantly changed the trajectory of our lives.
We experience severe poverty and many hardships in the process and we essentially had zero social life for the past 10 years because we were so busy raising babies (2 kids now ages 12 &14). She followed up with tons of questions directly mostly at my wife about her feelings towards this and 90% of the responses were very "our kids" focused. It definitely felt like she was afraid of saying "yes it sucked" because she would feel guilt or shame because it would imply she regrets the kids.
I mentioned this in the session and the therapist encouraged her to look at this outside of the lens of being a mother and to try to view it a bit more selfishly and individually and it was very eye opening. My wife mentioned that she was very frustrated with the fact that we did miss out on many things in life. She also was very clear in saying "I do not think I missed out on other partners or dating or partying but I certainly lost all my friends." This was huge because one of the big pieces that has caused a strain in our lives is how silo'd and isolated we've been (again busy raising kids). I followed up by reminding her that it's important to have good friends and to make time for herself and her friendships.
For the past 3+ years, we've had multiple conversations about friends and how it is important to have them in life. Specially when you have similar peers that can help in many areas of life that perhaps we have no experience navigating and even simply for enjoyment. It has always been something my wife avoids, even though she's always been someone who needs that external stimuli. The main reason for her not investing in friends or even herself has always been "the kids." Like I mentioned earlier in this post, 90% of the answers have to relate to "the kids" to some degree.
At this point in our session I started to feel like there was a common denominator (the kids) in most of the frustrations and problems she was experiencing. So I simply asked her "Do you think you may be upset at me because I'm responsible for these kids in the sense that I got you pregnant so young?" I wasn't ready but she said that she was upset at me for that. She also followed up with the fact that she knows that's unreasonable because it "takes 2 to tango." I did feel like it was progress because it kind of gave us something to work on and help alleviate some of these "burdens" so we agreed to invest more time in nurturing good friendships both together and individually.
Towards the end of the session, we began to discuss what actionable items we would take from this session. At this point, it was still all very ambiguous and blurry as to what the outcomes were. I was very direct and very forward in asking my wife what her plan is moving forward. (NOTE: I had decided prior to the session that should my wife say the same thing about being a coparenting roommate that I would take the 180 approach and essentially do me) She started basically saying the same thing, that she doesn't have any desire to be intimate or sexual with me as of now and that she loves me immensely and she feels bad for not being there for me (as mentioned in my first post).
I also brought up the brief swinging that happened, to which for the 50th time said it wasn't a problem. I agree with her on this. This was something that was a "mechanical" approach for a solution to a problem that was very much in existent when we tried this. We (both) really have no issue to this. We know it happened, we tried it and mutually stopped and turned the page.
I also brought up other life events that may cause resentment and really we ended up not getting anywhere else as far as the root for resentment which was discouraging.
I then basically expressed to my wife that I will not be ok with that arrangement. I told her that I've really done everything I can and that this issue really has reached a point where it has nothing to do with me or require me to do anything that I'm currently not doing. I was very direct and saying that I will not be accepting this dynamic and that I need to be with someone who is actively involved in our marriage, works towards resolutions and is very much interested in maintaining an active intimacy and sexual relationship.
I expressed how I am not going to be a "convenience" and that there was more to life than being roommates and coparents. I made sure she knows I love her dearly and that I do want this to work for the better. I also told her that I'm fully committed to this marriage so long as she is as well and that is she wasn't, its ok, however I will not be a part of something where these efforts are not reciprocated. I told her I have no plans of leaving, and I do not want a divorce, however, I made it clear that if this dynamic continues that divorce will be the only outcome.
Of course tears were involved and it was a very bleak and sad ending to the session. Still nothing was said and I walked out very discouraged and very determined to start working on the 180 as soon as we left the room. It's painful and very difficult because much of the 180 requires you to be very short and cold and transactional. The saddest part is realizing, this dynamic already is very cold and transactional.
Here is where it gets VERY interesting. I started working on implementing many of the 180 recommendations that same day. I mentioned to my wife that, "hey, things are going to be a bit different moving forward. I'm going to honor her roommate/coparent dynamic without reproach and that it should be no mistake that I am not happy here and I am never going to be ok with it but I am done working on it if she wasn't going to work on it."
She agreed and went to bed. I started to build distance and started to basically focus on myself. Very short and transactional. She asked for help on some of her personal things to which I declined and it really shocked her. She was upset saying I was being petulant. I explained to her that, she is now fully in charge of her own life and her own issues.
We didn't talk all day and we only spoke when necessary. Few days I keep this going and she's very visibly upset and stressed. I typically react to that with gestures of help or nurturing but I didn't this time. That night she was crying telling me she's stressed and she things something is wrong with me because I'm "indifferent." I simply listened, then I told her that this is the dynamic she proposed and that I'm simply (much like her) taking care of myself and focusing on myself.
I'm not going to lie, it has been VERY hard to be cold and distant because as I mentioned before, I love her and I wish I could hold her and love on her. However, I know this is somewhat manipulative in a way just to get her way and still keep me in the friendzone. So I've been staying the course.
We're now going on a week of this 180 and let just say, there has been MANY changes on her side. I think she is starting to realize there is more to me than just "friends and coparenting." I sent her a text a few days ago essentially itemizing bills and separating the financial responsibilities 50/50 and SHE LOST HER SHIT. She basically told me it was "out of left field" to which I responded "hey, friends go in 50/50 and as your friend I expect nothing less."
This was very eye opening because it gave me a glimpse of I'm really taken for granted and how her level of comfort and convenience at my expense is really overlooked. I pushed through anyways and basically told her that this is the new dynamic she asked for and that its still a "bargain" because she would have to be 100% if she was on her own.
I'll wrap up with this. While the 180 has been working in many different areas, I am still very much sad about the overall situation. There have been MANY eye opening statements being said and realization that have not been pleasant to encounter. It has also sparked new energy and new efforts on her side as well. She's definitely seeking to talk to me more often and while its hard to turn down, I hope if things improve, this continues to happen.
I've also noticed that she's making more time for herself aside from being a mom which is HUGE because she pretty much neglected herself for years. I'm very pleased seeing her be more herself. My hope is that as we work on ourselves, the marriage improves. There really is no telling at this point where this will go. We are very much cordial and amicable even to this day and that's a very good sign.
Boundaries are set and expectations are very clear and I feel that no matter the outcome, I will be at peace with everything that has been done. We're still going to continue the couples therapist until we either rekindle our marriage or end up in divorce. I feel like having this nonbiased third party really helps as a witness and as a guide through this. No matter what I will always love my wife, however, I will not participate in a sexless, intimacy less marriage because we both deserve better.
Thank you all for all the kind words and recommendations and feedback. This will be my last post on this topic and I wish you all the best.
TL;DR: My wife friend-zoned me wants to just coparent at my expense but I started the 180 method to try and find a solution because she doesn't want to work on us which seems to be working on getting her out of her rut and helping me discover more about how she feels. Also, therapy is paramount and highly recommend to all couples.
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Comments
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Complete-Old-1960
Bottom line and not to be brutal, but there is one thing you don't have infinite amount of, is TIME. This has to be resolved in a timely manner. It takes 2 to be in love and to be loved, and u only have ½ of the equation. You need to put a time limit on you being the good guy and think of you and your future. Look hope it works out for you, but listening to what you are going through and what you could be in for you can still be a good father but also be a great husband to another wife if you find that special person again.

OOP: Definitely. I think this “soft ultimatum” (180 method) has been very eye opening. I’m definitely hoping for a rekindling of our marriage but I’m also bracing for divorce. I agree on a timeline and I’ve decided on a timeline for myself privately. I don’t want to give her a timeline because I want to reduce the pressure, however, after 1-2 yrs of things don’t improve, it won’t be shocking or a surprise if we split. I think 1-2yrs is more than reasonable.

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shes_a_killer
I have to agree with this, simply because at some point, the person who has gone 180 and is waiting for the other person to decide will begin to wonder, "Wow, they're really taking their time coming around to me...did they love me at all? If they ever appreciated and cared for me, why would they keep me waiting and neglecting me for so long?" Except, in my case, it had more to do with the other person being stubborn and unable to admit their faults.

OOP: I understand what you mean. I don’t think I’ll ever doubt she loved me at all. I’m certain she did and I’m certain she still does. I know it sounds crazy and I’m not at all infatuated or blinded by love. Love is far more than the intimacy and sex we’re lacking.

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RandyPan_theGoatBoy
I think it’s interesting that in the comments of your original post you said you didn’t think she was taking you for granted but you came to realize she absolutely was. Can you give some more details on what the 180 method is?

OOP: Yeah, I definitely felt this way. But with this 180 method it’s happening right in front of my eyes. Actual actions and reactions taking place that clearly demonstrate that she is taking me for granted. She actually see this as well. It’s evident she’s thinking about this heavily based on her demeanor and her behavior.
Here’s what I used as a guide:
https://beingabeautifulmess.wordpress.com/the-180/
https://www.survivinginfidelity.com/documents/library/articles/discovery/the-simplified-180/

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I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP.
Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments

TL;DR: Matched with a seemingly great guy on Bumble, hit it off well, moved to texting and phone calls, only to have him "test" me on our first disagreement about who should pay on dates. Despite forgiving him, he responded with hateful accusations, leaving me to move on from his manipulative behaviour.
Hey everyone,
I need some advice on a situation that’s been bothering me. Here’s the full story:
I (32) matched with this guy (37) on Bumble recently, and we hit it off immediately. We spent hours texting and eventually, we moved to a phone call that lasted several hours. We got along so well that he mentioned he would have liked to take me out that day, but he already had plans with his friends to watch an F1 race and a football match. I appreciated his honesty and told him it was fine, and we continued talking throughout the day, even while he was with his friends. It was going SPLENDIDLY!
However, out of nowhere, he made a condescending comment about my Instagram, saying it looks like he’d have to sell a kidney to take a girl like me out. I found it extremely offensive and told him that while I’m financially comfortable and can pay for myself, I do have standards when it comes to dating. I expect a man who asks me out on a date to be willing to pay for it. If a man doesn’t pay, I see it as going out as friends, and I wouldn’t consider a second date. He then doubled down, saying he was new in town and unsure where to take me because I seemed to have an extravagant lifestyle.
I clarified that I didn’t expect an extravagant first date and had a favourite bar in mind that’s quite economical due to my regular patron status there. But I wasn't sure if I was interested in moving forward with him because this had gotten too weird and uncomfortable for me.
He then admitted he was TESTING me because he has a lot of money and didn’t want to be used for it - Mentioning his FERRARI, while he was at it, which I had frankly assumed was a rental, I didn't give it a second thought or glance. He then said he was very disappointed in me accused me of being like other women who expect men to pay — He called me a Gold Digger in so many words. I found this extremely manipulative, insulting, offensive and downright disrespectful and told him so and asked him to fuck right off! Just for the record - I am also rather well-off. Not only do I make decent money, but my parents are also financially well-off.
Despite my frustration, he apologised profusely and asked for a second chance, claiming he was wrong to test me and that he genuinely wanted to get to know me better. I told him I appreciated the apology but couldn’t get past the disrespect and the implications of his “test.” I made it clear that his behaviour had made me feel judged and uncomfortable, and I didn’t see how we could move forward.
He kept insisting, saying we could laugh about this misunderstanding later and that he’d make it up to me. I reiterated that I didn’t want to feel scrutinised or judged every time we interacted, and that this incident had soured my perception of him. I told him it was best to part ways and ended the conversation. He asked me to sleep on it, and I did.
The next morning, I sent him a text to formally close things off, but on a good note, saying:
"We definitely had a fun and interesting day, but we both know this isn't going to work out! I truly enjoyed our time together and our roller coaster of a conversation. Most people don't even have dates as fun and intriguing as this! But sadly, this is the end of the road for us. I do truly wish you the very best with everything, and I'm glad we ran into each other. Take care and be well! 💗"
He didn’t respond to that text, but he continued to view my Instagram stories, which I found really passive-aggressive. So, I followed up with:
"Hey, I noticed you didn't respond to my last message. I just wanted to say that I tried to be respectful and honour the conversation we had because I genuinely valued it. It would have meant a lot to hear back from you, even just a simple acknowledgment. Regardless, I wish you all the best."
His response to that was unexpectedly hostile. He accused me of being selfish and only caring about my own feelings. He claimed he had already responded to my earlier texts and accused me of being stubborn and ungrateful for the time he spent talking to me. His tone was rude and accusatory, which only reinforced my decision to end things.
I replied, explaining how his actions had made me feel judged and disrespected. I pointed out that despite enjoying our conversation, his test and subsequent behavior were major red flags. I told him I was disappointed by his hostility and that I was hoping for a more respectful closure.
He left my final message on “seen” and hasn’t responded since. Which is fine. Screw him.
I'm not looking for advice on how to get back with him. I’m just trying to process this and move on. Any tips on how to deal with such a disappointing end to what seemed like a promising connection? Because I hadn't been this super excited to go out in a VERY long time!
Thanks for reading.

I 25M, have been friends with a girl X (24F) since the past 6 months (since last December). X began dating Y (27M) who's also a good friend of mine, for 4 months before I became good friends with them (i.e. before December). Their relationship came to an end in December because Y was looking for something casual and X was very serious, it being her first ever relationship. However, things started to get more complicated post January. Although, they had officially ended their relationship, they were spending a lot more time together and even came physically closer. The rest of the friends in our group used to pull their leg for the situationship of theirs, but they continued on for another 3 months till March.
In March they officially broke up, and from April our college break started. Y went home, and X and I stayed back in college for our internships. We started spending an unhealthy amount of time together (so much so that rumors began spreading about the two of us which X told me), going out for walks late at night, watching movies, going for drives at night, eating dinner together. Some nights she shared her most personal traumas with me and like a good friend I listened to her and comforted her. In a nutshell she liked spending time with me and talking to me and I became her distraction and source of emotional comfort form all the chaos that happened before. Normally she never talked about her relationship all this while.
However, things started to get complicated from the 2nd month. I still keep in touch with Y, whereas X has little to no contact with him. On speaking with Y last week, I came to know, Y has moved on from his relationship with X, he's active on dating apps and been out on a date with a girl too. On a different occasion Y was almost on the verge of making out with another girl at a friend's party where X was also present, but she was not aware of it. I have no intentions of letting X know of all this at any cost as it'll break her heart and also, I was told all of this in confidence by Y. On the other hand, recently X revealed she misses the times she had with him and keeps coming back to the thoughts of him albeit not much, (she gets too emotionally attached too soon, it also being her first relationship) but that's because he's not around at the moment. College starts in another 3 weeks, and they'll start seeing each other more often once again. Y is pretty sure of dating someone new when he returns but X is haunted by the old memories that'll be brought back because of his presence in her life once again.
In between all of this I started to develop feelings for X, which have been growing exponentially within me with each passing day. I know I can't confess my feelings to her, but I can't also be around her anymore with these feelings within me. I've gone into self-destructive habits and the only way I can see myself coming out of this is by letting X know about this and stop hanging out with her anymore. But with her having so much to deal with already, it breaks my heart to put her through this. On top of that the big load in my head from hiding the conversations and intentions of Y, while X still misses him is driving me crazy. Spending all this time together, X may also have developed some feelings for me, but she's too clouded by her breakup to see any of it, and I don't expect her to be with me especially with her past baggage this soon. Furthermore, her last relationship has left such a bitter taste in her that she promises to not date for another year and focus more on enjoying the college life. I'm deciding to wait till her internship ends and her work doesn't get affected to tell her and slowly distance myself from her. Please suggest how can I make this any better.
TL;DR: I developed feelings for my friend, who's still hung up on her ex, while her X has moved on. I can't handle the emotional burden and plan to distance myself from her before college starts.

Hey, thanks for reading and for any advice you guys can offer.
So, my partner and I moved in to a new house recently, our landlord seems lovely and the letting agents have been great too, the house itself has no issues and my boyfriend is an mechanic and there's a garage so, it's been ideal for us and for keeping car bits out of the house!
Although, the house we've moved into is a four in a block (for anyone that doesn't know, basically a semi detached house with an upstairs flat and a downstairs flat on either side) and our upstairs neighbour has been a bit of a nightmare. For context, the walls and floors of the house are paper thin, we can hear every word she says on the phone and we can tell where she is in her flat by the sounds the floorboards make.
When we moved in, my bf was building some furniture at like maybe 1pm-2pm on a Saturday, the usual IKEA flat pack stuff and she (the upstairs neighbour) started banging on the ceiling. So, he walked away from it and instead went out to the garage to fix a few things there. Me and a friend were sitting inside talking and she started shouting, telling us to shut up. We reported it to our letting agent and they contacted the council (shes a council tenant) and reported it to them, they then must have contacted her to tell her to stop as we overheard her crying on the phone to someone, presumably a parent, about how much noise we make and how were constantly distubing her, however, she's now purposely stomping around her flat whenever she knows we're home and honestly, sometimes feels like she's following us through the ceiling as whenever we leave the living room and go somewhere else in the flat, her footsteps upstairs seem to follow us, we also had a gas engineer in to sort the boiler and she banged 3 times when him and I were just discussing the issue.
We don't particularly care if she's stomping about, everyone's entitled to live at the end of the day and so long as she's not disrupting us at like 4am, she can talk as loud as she likes and make as much noise as she likes, she doesn't seem to work as I sometimes work from home and ill hear her on the phone complaining all through the day so she's never NOT home and it's left us in a tricky situation.
Our landlord and letting agent told us just to live the way we normally would and try and ignore it as best we can, my BF isn't bothered by her banging and shouting but because of it, I'm kinda struggling to settle in and my BF isn't doing the things he usually would, working in the garage or gaming because he's worried she'll start banging again or shouting and it'll make me feel more anxious.
Does anyone have any advice on how to deal with her? I don't want my partner feeling like he can't actually do the things he enjoys and I don't want to feel like I can't bring my friends over out of fear the neighbour upstairs is going to throw a hissy fit over us having conversations and just generally living!

TL;DR: Matched with a seemingly great guy on Bumble, hit it off well, moved to texting and phone calls, only to have him "test" me on our first disagreement about who should pay on dates. Despite forgiving him, he responded with hateful accusations, leaving me to move on from his manipulative behaviour.
Hey everyone,
I need some advice on a situation that’s been bothering me. Here’s the full story:
I (32) matched with this guy (37) on Bumble recently, and we hit it off immediately. We spent hours texting and eventually, we moved to a phone call that lasted several hours. We got along so well that he mentioned he would have liked to take me out that day, but he already had plans with his friends to watch an F1 race and a football match. I appreciated his honesty and told him it was fine, and we continued talking throughout the day, even while he was with his friends. It was going SPLENDIDLY!
However, out of nowhere, he made a condescending comment about my Instagram, saying it looks like he’d have to sell a kidney to take a girl like me out. I found it extremely offensive and told him that while I’m financially comfortable and can pay for myself, I do have standards when it comes to dating. I expect a man who asks me out on a date to be willing to pay for it. If a man doesn’t pay, I see it as going out as friends, and I wouldn’t consider a second date. He then doubled down, saying he was new in town and unsure where to take me because I seemed to have an extravagant lifestyle.
I clarified that I didn’t expect an extravagant first date and had a favourite bar in mind that’s quite economical due to my regular patron status there. But I wasn't sure if I was interested in moving forward with him because this had gotten too weird and uncomfortable for me.
He then admitted he was TESTING me because he has a lot of money and didn’t want to be used for it - Mentioning his FERRARI, while he was at it, which I had frankly assumed was a rental, I didn't give it a second thought or glance. He then said he was very disappointed in me accused me of being like other women who expect men to pay — He called me a Gold Digger in so many words. I found this extremely manipulative, insulting, offensive and downright disrespectful and told him so and asked him to fuck right off! Just for the record - I am also rather well-off. Not only do I make decent money, but my parents are also financially well-off.
Despite my frustration, he apologised profusely and asked for a second chance, claiming he was wrong to test me and that he genuinely wanted to get to know me better. I told him I appreciated the apology but couldn’t get past the disrespect and the implications of his “test.” I made it clear that his behaviour had made me feel judged and uncomfortable, and I didn’t see how we could move forward.
He kept insisting, saying we could laugh about this misunderstanding later and that he’d make it up to me. I reiterated that I didn’t want to feel scrutinised or judged every time we interacted, and that this incident had soured my perception of him. I told him it was best to part ways and ended the conversation. He asked me to sleep on it, and I did.
The next morning, I sent him a text to formally close things off, but on a good note, saying:
"We definitely had a fun and interesting day, but we both know this isn't going to work out! I truly enjoyed our time together and our roller coaster of a conversation. Most people don't even have dates as fun and intriguing as this! But sadly, this is the end of the road for us. I do truly wish you the very best with everything, and I'm glad we ran into each other. Take care and be well! 💗"
He didn’t respond to that text, but he continued to view my Instagram stories, which I found really passive-aggressive. So, I followed up with:
"Hey, I noticed you didn't respond to my last message. I just wanted to say that I tried to be respectful and honour the conversation we had because I genuinely valued it. It would have meant a lot to hear back from you, even just a simple acknowledgment. Regardless, I wish you all the best."
His response to that was unexpectedly hostile. He accused me of being selfish and only caring about my own feelings. He claimed he had already responded to my earlier texts and accused me of being stubborn and ungrateful for the time he spent talking to me. His tone was rude and accusatory, which only reinforced my decision to end things.
I replied, explaining how his actions had made me feel judged and disrespected. I pointed out that despite enjoying our conversation, his test and subsequent behavior were major red flags. I told him I was disappointed by his hostility and that I was hoping for a more respectful closure.
He left my final message on “seen” and hasn’t responded since. Which is fine. Screw him.
I'm not looking for advice on how to get back with him. I’m just trying to process this and move on. Any tips on how to deal with such a disappointing end to what seemed like a promising connection? Because I hadn't been this super excited to go out in a VERY long time!
Thanks for reading.

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J0IN THE BEST CRYPT0 EXCHANGE

Should I give up and move on? I don’t really know why I’m even asking the question because deep down I know the answer. At the end of last year I (23 M) was dating this girl (20 F). She studies in a different city so we didn’t see each other that much but we connected very well, and very soon I was starting to fall hard for her. After a few parties together we were spending the weekend together. This went very well and for the first time in my life I was in love. I have to tell you also that I have never been in a relationship before and I was a virgin. She knew this but didn’t make a big deal out of it which I loved. This weekend was a week before Christmas. We verbally agreed that we would see each other on new years evening.
When the day finally arrived I hadn’t heard from her so I texted her saying where we could meet that night. She responded with this long text saying that I’m a fun and sweet guy but that she would rather be alone than to date with someone. I was completely shocked and my world was shattered. I stared at my phone for a half hour. I did’t text anything back feeling a little bit angry, why would she sent this to me on new years eve? So that night, I got really really drunk. I was drinking away my sorrow. I went to a club and got home with some random girl and we had sex. Need I remind you again that it was my first time. When I woke up I felt sooo bad. I only wanted to be with the girl I was in love with and now I’m laying here with someone random. I made up an excuse on why she had to leave and texted the girl I’m in love with that I appreciated her honesty but that I didn’t understand why. She texted me later that evening that she didn’t really know what she was doing and that she wanted to meet again. I was happy but in the back of my mind I was thinking about what I did on new years eve.
So we went on dates again but I couldn’t get it over me to tell what happened because I just got her back and was too afraid to loose her again. You also have to know that I had 6 exams in this period so I had to study hard. On the 5th of january she spent the night at my place and we also had sex. After this I felt extremely guilty. I made a vow to myself that after the exams I should tell her. Because I really loved her and any chance I had of a real relationship with her should be based on honesty. So after my last exam on february the 5th I went to her place and I told her. She was really angry and told me it was for the best to go away.
In the days that followed I gave her space and didn’t text her. After a while I texted her but she said she wishes me the best but wants to move on and that she doesn’t want to see me anymore. After that there has been no contact. I saw her twice since then on parties. When I saw her she was nice and the connection was still there but she refuses to sit and talk with me. Last time I saw her was a month ago where we talked for a bit. She was acting really weird. Like super nice one moment and then the other moment really angry. Then she was ignoring me the whole time and when I got to her to tell her that I’m leaving she is back to being sweet and asking me to stay. What bugs her the most is that in her eyes I faked my virginity.
It now has been almost 4 months (longer than we were together) but there hasn’t been a day were I haven’t thought about her. I can’t seem to let her go. I am still hoping that everything will be alright but I know it won’t. I just love her so much and regret everything that has happened. I just don’t see myself ever dating anyone else but her. I know that if she was still interested she would just text me but every time I see her it just feels like there is something still there. When I see her friends they tell me that they don’t understand why she won’t take me back. That has to count for something right?
In august she is going to study abroad for the semester. So I know the timing is all wrong but I feel like I have to try one last time. I know I am going to see her 1 last time on this festival we bought tickets for together while we were still dating. A week before the festival it’s her birthday. I am thinking now maybe I should sent her flowers on her birthday with a cute text but I’m not really sure.
Am I just being delusional? I really don’t know what to do…. Sorry for the big text, for anyone that gets to the end thank you very much

One of my friends is in a relationship with someone none of us (her circle) approves of. At first we tried to be civil although he's really giving an off vibe. Then feeling namin masyado na siya naging comfortable since nakakausap na nga namin siya to the point na he talks to us informally already. I mean, we don't care about the age naman talaga (he's younger than us) it's actually okay if casual lang siya makipag-usap para we won't feel too old lol. Pero kasi, yung tone? I think that's it e. Idk kung arte lang namin 'to pero sana gets niyo? Kasi diba there's a certain tone talaga na when you hear from someone na di mo super close parang ma-o-off ka? Ganon. Then he also started calling us our nicknames na within the circle lang actually. Siguro kasi naririnig niya sa friend namin pero kasi!!! 😭 Alsoooo!!! He likes sending us random private messages. Like: "Hi. Kumusta ka na?" mga ganyan.
Kapag may lakad kami, he demands update from us. FROM US!!! Hindi sa jowa niya. He'll be like: "Kasama niyo si ano diba?", "Asan kayo ngayon?", "Sino ba mga kasama niyo?", "Update mo ako kung anong ginagawa niya." LIKE BWISIT KA NAGPAALAM NAMAN NA SAYO FRIEND NAMIN BAKIT ANG DAMI MO PANG TANONG?! Also, kailangan ba talaga i-update ka oras oras? For sure naman before going nasabi na sayo saan kami pupunta at kung sino-sino kami. What's the need of asking us pa ONE BY ONE. Isa-isa pa kami imemessage with the same question kainis. Every gala ganon siya. Tapos madalas di na lang nakakasama friend namin kasi di siya papayag na hindi siya kasama. EH GIRLS HANGOUT YON BAKIT KA SASAMA?!!
One time, my friends visited me sa place ko which is 4hrs drive pa. Tapos I think my friend failed to tell him saan na siya since nalowbatt siya sa byahe (but nagmessage siya nung pauwi na kami!). Sa akin siya nagmessage since ako yung pinuntahan. He started lashing out on me. EH KAGIGISING KO LANG?!! I was so pissed kasi he's already talking sh*t about my friend saying: "Ginagago na ako niyang kaibigan niyo" and such. He also threatened me na di na raw niya ever papayagan friend namin kapag kami ang kasama. So I snapped. I was like: SINO KA BA? Then ayun, magka-away na talaga kami after non. Mas hindi na siya makasama sa gala kasi my friend won't bring him. I told her about the fight. Even sent her his messages para alam niya na ganon jowa niya magsalita about her. PARA HINDI LANG NAKAREPLY GINAGAGO KA NA? BONAK. He tried to apologize pero duh. Kapal mo naman.
Today, my friend sent a message to our GC telling us to accept her friend request. It turns out that her boyfriend (or ex idk) unfriended us using HER account. So epal talaga!!! Then someone asked if they broke up blahblah. She said she already blocked him and he's annoying.
I was the last one to open the GC and I think I got a little overjoyed. I even replied "HOORAY 🙌🏻" about the break up question. 😭 Then I replied in almost every messages about the guy, trash talking him. I'm usually a seener in our GC but today ako ata pinakamadaldal.
However, after my little celebration, I felt EXTREMELY guilty. What if too much pala? Baka na-offend friend ko (PROBABLY!!!) kasi ang saya ko eh wala na nga ata sila huhu. I didn't ask pa if okay lang siya or how is she coping up since ilang years din sila. Mas nauna pa ako magsaya. 😭
I'm feeling guilty, I know I should say sorry but at the same time I don't want to because that sorry will be useless cuz I actually mean everything I said about the guy. 🫠 Pero still, I want to say sorry for my insensitivity. BUT I DON'T KNOW HOW KSHSKSKSKSKS

I (m, 22) met this girl (f, 20) through university about 1,5 years ago. At first we hadn't much contact but she joined my study group last summer through a common friend.
After a couple study sessions both of us noticed that studying in the large group got more difficult and we were running in circles trying to keep every member on the same knowledge level. So when it was just the two of us at one time, we discussed these problems and both agreed to start studying more together, without the others of our group. As it was just the two of us now, we started talking more about personal stuff during our study sessions. Both of us got along brilliantly from the start. We had common interests and were interested in knowing each other better. Study sessions were a great mix of efficient learning and personal talk to avoid getting bored. At this point I liked her but wasn't yet interested romantically.
She was going through a rough patch with her relationship at the time and would often consider breaking up during our talks. As she always described the relationship as quite toxic, I encouraged her to consider the pros and cons and end the relationship if she wasn't happy with it. After some consideration she ended the relationship shortly after which made her feel quite down for a while. She also wasn't eating properly so I gave some advice about what to eat and how to get her mind of the breakup. At this point our contact outside of study sessions got more regular and she would often share more personal details about guys that hit on or were harassing her.
Exams were getting closer so we were talking, studying and texting daily. At the the time the condition of their I'll grandma got worse and it was apparent that she would die soon, which happened in between two exams. During this time I was supporting her emotionally and also taught her the things she would need to pass our exams. She also invited me to go to a party with her, which I sadly couldn't attend because of family matters. We also got into quite personal topics like family planning and kid raising etc on which we had similar opinions.
As I've developed quite a crush on her over the last weeks I hoped that she might feel the same. I'd like to add that in generally develop crushes on good friends, as I ultimately want a romantic partner and best friend in my gf. As exams were over there was less reason to talk and our personal contact faded over time, but I tried to keep in touch (probably more than her). Whenever we didn't text I was feeling low, which I knew was a problem. When meeting her I would notice her interest for other guys more often, and she started (at least in my impression) avoiding seeing me when it was just the two of us. Unfortunately I had fallen quite hard and couldn't keep my mind off her.
At this point I knew that she probably wasn't interested in me, and after meeting up with some common friends she asked if everything was alright as I seemed off. I wanted to be honest and suggested I'd tell her during a walk (which wouldn't happen until the start of the next semester a couple weeks later). After some small talk I confessed my feelings but she didn't feel the same and also started seeing another guy regularly. But she said that she really wanted to stay friends as we clicked, just not on a romantic level. She also told me how she noticed, I probably wanted more out of our friendship but was scared to ask me about this. As she was my friend before developing a crush I agreed and we left on (considering the circumstances) great terms.
We kept studying together and still had good talks, although she would avoid topics like her bf. I appreciated how she wouldn't make me feel awkward and we could continue being friends. I still had a hard crush but thought things would get better over time. During a time in which I was feeling very down, I told her I needed some space which she understood. After a good week I was feeling better and asked if we should continue studying. Some miscommunication and also false interpretation of texts later, we had a fight and didn't talk or greet at university. But two weeks later she texted how she felt miserable if we couldn't talk or be friends at university. (Our university classes are very small (20-30 students), so we couldn't really get out of our way). I told her that I still wasn't over her but probably get over her in given time. She was happy that I also wanted to stay friends and we continued being friends and also studying.
Now that exams are nearly over, I fear that we won't have much contact over the next 3 months and I already feel anxious because we probably won't have much reason to talk or text. I also don't want to be pushy and always force conversation, but know that I will be unhappy if we don't.
Im questioning if I'm being used by her, so that she could pass her exams. I nowadays teach her a lot more and answer more questions than the other way around and probably are too available if she needs help. On the other hand we still have good talks and joke a lot about peers/ professors/.... Although I still miss the times when she didn't have a boyfriend and would text me with random details about her day and I'm still not at all over my crush.
What makes me even sadder is, that she would say she always chooses toxic relationships with dishonest partners and would like to have a good guy for once (which I would consider myself to be). She also complemented some qualities of mine which her boyfriend was missing.
So I'm stuck with a friend which I have a crush on, but can't get over. As well as a fear for losing contact with her, and the fear of being pushy when trying to stay in touch. If you made it until this point, I thank you your your patience. Please let me know if you have any advice on how to get over her. English isn't my first language, so excuse repetitive wording or grammar mistakes.
I tried dating apps to keep my mind of her but didn't have any luck there.
Edit: She also told me how she never loved any of her bfs and never had a real crush on someone. So that's some questionable stuff to consider.