Very dark brown period on first day of

My kind boss treated me to lunch on the first day of work. I don’t feel comfortable eating around people, but I didn’t want to be rude. It is very gracious of her and the company paid for it.
Would it be inappropriate to jokingly tell my new boss that one of my daughter’s friends took a photo of me walking with her during lunch from across the street? It was totally random.

Child Support and paternity fraud plz help
Where do I begin. For the purpose of this post, I will use fictious names and locations as it is ongoing, and out of respect (even though she doesn't deserve any)
My name is Daniel. I am 35 years old, and i am dying. I have a disease called systemic sclerosis. I am currently on a supplemental disability plan, until I get approved for SSI (social Security). Until then, my income is about 4K a month. I own a home but after child support and bills, NOT INCLUDING gas, food, haircuts, medical appointments, and or emergencies like my fridge just broke. (which i never go out) I am left with $260 that has to last me a month. I also have three children who I have to take care of half the time per the 50/50 agreement.
Recently, I found out my oldest, (who is 13) is not biologically mine. I decided to look into it as I had concerns for a while since my divorce as her cheating was very rampant. I also had caught her in 2017 with a man in my house, which is what prompted the divorce. But FL being a no fault state, doesn't matter. I also had to pay child support since the beginning and WHILE LEGALLY Married since 2010 because she had applied for financial support like food stamps and government assistance then. I know what your thinking. Why didnt you stop it then? I tried. You cant take yourself off child support. I also never grew up with a father and wanted that two-parent household. I don't run from responsibilities, like he did. Its how I was raised. Anyways, I married her, tried to do the right thing, she lied numerous times. she never worked, and I worked 90 plus hours a week. To look into her cheating, was impossible at the time as I was never home. and to busy providing for my family.
fast forward to now. My disease started to become worse and over three years; it didn't reveal itself until last year fully to actually pinpoint what this was. for instance, I had in 2019 pain behind my eyes and horrible headaches to the point that I thought I had MS. following year, I had trouble swallowing for 3 months. next year itching in the skin for three months. But prior, I had visited various doctors to see what was going on, each time a flare up then would last 3 to four months, which again, when you don't understand what's going on, you need to take time off to go see doctors, run tests, but this illness was and still is very elusive. with that being said I had 5 jobs since its first flare up till last year to continue to support my family and to pay child support. as of last year. I'm having trouble moving on certain days, breathing and acid reflux and muscle atrophy. (disease progression) especially when this is going on, it worsens everything as this is flared up. I was working under the table to try and make ends meet as I was paying child support still. I should add that the child support with 50/50 custody was $1029 for three kids cause I was making six figures at the time of divorce in 2018. Last year however, I couldn't work anymore, and filed for disability.
In june of last year, I had asked Susan, to get the children school supplies, (which she never does) as I was still paying at the time $1029 in child support. She said she didnt have the money despite now making 70k and her new BF living with her and is working whom she cheated on me with. With me working under the table, I bought them clothes, haircuts, school supplies (ive done every year) but then, I noticed she went on vacation to puerto rico and got a giant leg tattoo. At the time, I had already known what I had, and I asked myself why the heck am I doing this? So i turned to an attorney to get it modified. Again, this is June 20th to be exact of last year. My lawyer, stated that this was only going to be a 90 day turn around for the temporary modification then we will go for the final.
Since then, I have gone for a DNA test. I had to know. I am dying. I wanted to know. And you may judge me for this. but i have filed for disablement for paternity, meaning I am removing myself from the birth certificate. However, in the state of Florida, a mother can deny this and so can the courts. before you judge me, I have many reasons none of which have to do with him other then his mental disability (Aspergers) This illness, as days go by takes more and more from me. As previously aforementioned, I am left with 250 a month. I cannot go get a drs appointment pay for groceries or start planning my funeral which I will start making payments on soon. He also eats three times the amount that we all collectively do (Not his fault) but I have paid enough both mentally and financially. He also has trouble communicating as my suspicions is, that he was born of incest (gross) which is why I was 'chosen' to be his father at the time. Before you ask how do you know? Lets just say she had an uncle 'leave' during that time.
anyways, in February, I had the temporary modification hearing for child support and needless to say it was a circus. My doctor was subpoenaed to be there by my attorneys request to better my argument, even though I felt we didn't need her, she advised me to have my doctor there. Well, he attorney attacked my doctor and me for an hour and 40 mins when the court case was only supposed to go for an hour. He said "you saw another dr Max so and so and they said it was all in your head" (again I had flare ups on a illness that hadnt revealed itself correctly since last year). So there argument was that I was doctor seeking to avoid child support. After I have paid for 13 years never missing a payment. Her lawyer also targeted people who are living with me. Now I'll admit that I said they were friends which is true but how else can I pay for my attorney? Cant work, cant sell drugs, cant rob a bank? So they want to take there income into consideration. BS. She also hired a private investigator to watch me exercise outside and stated that because I can exercise, I can work..... Ok. Where's the 23 hours of the rest of the day watching me in pain. or when do you have me on video of a flare up from this terminal illness? (that's what I wanted to say)
Although I was granted the temporary modification, of $209, I left the court thinking wow, this woman can cheat, commit paternity fraud, not give two craps about our children, live with her mom in a section 8 home, and here I am doing whatever I can and I've done nothing wrong but be lied to and this is how my government, my country treats me? No wonder men my age dont have children this is insane. The paternity issue wasn't even brought up they said that this isnt the place for this and that the disestablishment will be another trial for those wondering. My lawyer only spoke for 5 mins. Asking her about her income cause thats the only thing that has changed since 2018 since she didnt work at the time. Other than that, it was an attack on me and my disease arguing my ability to work.
after leaving that, I didnt eat for 96 hours. I have since been crying nonstop. Compilating suicide. I am already heart broken about my son not being mine. Sure does a terminal illness make me said, no question everyday. But a life wasted on another? Cause I decided to be a man and take up responsibility? thats soul crushing. And to say "well, there is a big chance the courts will deny your request' thats BS. If i go to prison because I was accused of a robbery for 13 years, and DNA evidence proves I wasnt there, I get out of jail and can sue. This is no different. If anything, DNA evidence needs to be more of a factor in family law than in almost every court of law if not as equally important. My bad for not investigating her infidelity not only in the beginning but also in the end. How about not being a POS. sorry rant over
gets better. Her mom and dad smoke in the section 8 house, kids reek of cigarette smoke and marijuana, all day. they dont take showers there, they were hand me down clothes, they live in the garage shared with there mother, that isn't air conditioned. and he makes only a few thousand less than I do a month. She stated in court that she pays her mom $500 in rent which is BS, she is only doing that now so that she makes herself look bad. I know she is doing pills, like oxy and what not. Id love to prove it.
after the temp hearing, in april, I had to go to court to contest my drivers license suspension as I hadn't paid child support since, august of last year. again, there is no way, I can pay my bills, feed my children, go to the doctor, pay my lawyer to end all of this BS and pay the current child support amount. and again, this final hearing is still not set yet. So they intercepted my tax return, even though the temporary modification was approved, the final is what gets it retro backed to the date of filing, so they took, a much needed 5500 tax return from me. I needed that cause one of the issues I failed to mention as well, hurricane Ian has destroyed my home and I'm still going through that process too. not to mention I am on payment plans with Mayo clinic and other various medical facilities. (no one cares) but the interest that accrues, makes it impossible to catch up. also, Florida department of rev is overstepping I feel, and asking for medical info to be sent to them as well as updated doctors letters to be sent saying that I am still on disability.
a few weeks ago, I got an email from my lawyer having a withdrawal notice from her lawyer. in the withdrawal, he stated that he cannot represent her, due to something she may have withheld or lied about (more or less wasn't worded like that but you can tell). In feb court appearance they never produced the PI report, or videos, they had medical info they shouldn't have had, and they had very outlandish comments about my lifestyle. So my lawyer filed immediately a motion to compel. meaning, we want to see everything you have on my client. this was filed almost immediately after court appearance on feb 20th. Susan has failed to provide any updated info requested by my attorney so on june 18th, we have that upcoming hearing.
in the mean time, I have sent my lawyer, a very heavily requested topics, such as "where did they get my medical records, if those were lies, what are the consequences if any"? What did exercising have to do with any of this despite various drs saying he has to or he will get worse.
I know wat you must be thinking, what about your oldest, how can you do that to him. Please listen. This woman has taken everything from me. And i mean everything but the roof over my head. I am seeing a therapist to help with the suicidal thoughts. it isnt enough. the reality of it is, I chose to be loyal and it bit me in the butt. This disease will rob me of everything, my teeth will fall out ( I had 5 cavities last time I went to the dentist) I haven't had a cavity since I was 30 and even then I was suspicious. And I am brushing 5 time s a day to save them. My skin is tightening, and my arms and muscles are wasting. I will literally be left with nothing. My organs will also start to harden, and I will have to start getting around the clock care.
I forgot to mention they (child support) recently, sent a letter to SSI (social security) saying that they would garnish my SSI before I even got it, totaling $1029. the incorrect amount. I sent this to my lawyer and she is looking into it. But it shows that child support will overstep and breaks every law or freedom you may think you have. I DO take care of my children. if they need a haircut i do it, school supplies clothes, anything I do it. And I do it, cause she wont. What I want to leave you with, is that woman can be dead beats too. Child support was designed to have woman off of government subsidized programs like section 8 food stamps and what not. Also to make the man pay for their children man or woman I should say, I know this. I am not running from my obligation. I just want Susan, to have to pay for what's she's done to me and the kids.
I would like to hear your thoughts on this, please comment and share, all names are fake, but everything else is unfortunately real. I know it was wordy, but I wanted to provide as much backstory as possible. And please. Respect my descions. When you are end of life, I hope someone would be kind enough to respect yours. You may not agree and that's ok, but I am asking you to respect them. Thank you for reading.

Good evening Healthcare_anon members
I believe we are at the midpoint of the multi series DD on the paper:
Rooke-Ley H, Brown E, Grumbach K, Hoffman A, Ryan A, Roy V, Grogan C, Appelbaum E, Lipschutz D. Medicare Advantage and Vertical Consolidation in Health Care. American Economic Liberties Project, April 2024. Available: https://www.economicliberties.us/our-work/medicare-advantage-and-vertical-consolidation-in-health-care/#, accessed 05/19/24 (for this subreddit post).
Today's discussion will be centered around page 23-31. I will be collaborating with u/ Fabulous-airport-273 on the remainder of the paper, as I believe we should address the topic in a collaborative fashion after this midpoint. If you like, you may review the previous DD in the following links:
https://new.reddit.com/Healthcare_Anon/comments/1culz57/medicare_advantage_capitation_model_prio
https://new.reddit.com/Healthcare_Anon/comments/1cw50xp/vertical_integration_of_the_healthcare_insurance/
https://new.reddit.com/Healthcare_Anon/comments/1cwsavi/vertical_integration_of_the_healthcare_insurance/
I was thinking on also discussing Aetna and Humana within the model as well, however in the interest of time and effort, I may have to revisit those 2 creatures at a later time - not because they are particularly difficult, but that it would be a similar rehash of UNH and BHG. The minutiae of improper population model care and investment made by CVS/Aetna and Humana is in my personal belief the reason why their MCR exploded, and perhaps inadequate preparation for CMS V28 blend adjustment also played a role. Even though CVS/Aetna has an adequate service sector, Humana does not, and we may see further margin divergence of these 2 behemoths.
Without further digression, let us begin:
Vertical consolidation - what is currently happening
"Consolidation allows these vertical conglomerates to use capitated payment structures in ways that drive profits without creating value. As noted above, corporate consolidation in health care has existed for decades, largely driven by hospitals. The primary result: hospitals can negotiate higher prices in the commercial market, cut labor costs and demand more of clinicians, and exploit various loopholes in the fee-for-service Medicare system. In addition, private equity (PE) rollups in health care have risen dramatically over the decades, also exploiting fee-for-service reimbursement and threatening patient care."
We have certainly seen the damage from PE acquisition on practices, especially in emergency medicine, which I previously alluded to in: https://new.reddit.com/Healthcare_Anon/comments/1c0bi4u/the_healthcare_workforce_staffing_crisis_a/. The damage to physician morale is especially acute during this consolidation process.
We are also seeing widespread practice buyouts in the PCP arena now:
https://www.nytimes.com/2023/05/08/health/primary-care-doctors-consolidation.html
https://www.beckersasc.com/asc-transactions-and-valuation-issues/optum-s-multibillion-dollar-acquisition-spree-3-deals-to-know.html
https://www.hcinnovationgroup.com/finance-revenue-cycle/mergers-acquisitions/news/55000097/steward-health-care-plans-to-sell-physician-network-to-optum
https://radiologybusiness.com/topics/healthcare-management/healthcare-economics/unitedhealth-earns-emergency-order-buy-radiology-provider-placed-crisis-due-change-cyberattack
The last one from Corvallis is a particularly spicy acquisition - the change healthcare cyberattack created a cash flow crunch within Corvallis, creating the impetus for Corvallis to then sell itself to Optum. If I were to use cruder terminology, the analogy is this: Optum/Change groomed Corvallis to be dependent on its "service", and once Corvallis is dependent on Optum/Change, Optum/Change then "convinced" Corvallis that Corvallis needs to sell its body (clinics) to Optum for the couple to stay together after Optum/Change failed in its basic "pimp" duty on protecting the groomed subject. Absolutely disgusting analogy, and I hope it brings the message across - what Optum did was absolutely abhorrent and should have paid Corvallis interest and damages, but instead gets to steal the Damsel-in-distress. Who said pimping doesn't pay?
"Today, as policy moves away from fee-for-service, analogous patterns of corporate consolidation are emerging under capitation-based financing. While vertical conglomerates promise clinical integration, familiar harms are emerging, such as the push toward “productivity” medicine and the replacement or supplementation of physicians with less expensive advanced practice providers."
Ok, I am not sure if that last part was absolutely necessary. Advanced Practice Providers (APP) are Physician Assistants (PA), Advanced Nurse Practitioners (APRN), or in the case of Anesthesia, CRNA (Certified Nurse Anesthetist) who work under a supervision of an overall Medical Doctor (MD) for the practice. In the current labor shortage, there are not enough physicians to make up for lack of physician help. I would rather work with our APP colleagues on creating a more equitable platform, and this paper is not helping the cause in this manner. Vertical integration can bring plenty of harm, but having APP being part of the Team is NOT a problem. In fact, I have worked with many APP who are wonderful healthcare colleagues and we all want the same thing: equitable treatment of our patients in the most humane, effective, and medically appropriate way possible.
I. Gaming capitated benchmarks:
"Vertical conglomerates in capitation-based models are keen on controlling primary care physicians, who are essential for inflating risk-adjustment payments and quality bonuses. In MA alone, gaming of risk adjustment is responsible for at least $23 billion in annual overpayments to insurers, while quality payments amount to another $10 billion in subsidization without demonstrated value. In addition to increasing costs, the preoccupation with risk-coding and box-checking wastes scarce time with patients and contributes to dissatisfaction among clinicians."
Remember my CMS DD a month ago? If not, I will submit those links again:
https://new.reddit.com/Healthcare_Anon/comments/1c1n3tf/cms_finalizes_payment_updates_for_2025_medicare/
https://new.reddit.com/Healthcare_Anon/comments/1c1yg8q/cms_finalizes_payment_updates_for_2025_medicare/
We on the field AND CMS knows this is happening. In fact, CMS is attempting to stop this practice by the rollout of CMS V28 AND the April 1 2024 Contract Year 2025 Medicare Advantage and Part D Final Rule (CMS-4205-F). What CMS is attempting to do is to decrease the capitated payments on risk adjustment and quality bonus payments to elongate the Medicare Trust Fund depletion runway, which hopefully also will force the MA companies to take care of patients. As was seen in our 24Q1 DD, companies will instead retrench, retreat, and cut benefits instead. this indicate a potential market failure of the capitated model payment. We should readdress this point in a future post.
***"***The centrality of data in diagnosis coding puts vertical conglomerates in the driver’s seat. It helps contextualize UnitedHealth’s recent $13 billion acquisition of Change Healthcare, the nation’s largest billing clearinghouse, which, according to the Department of Justice, would give UnitedHealth a near monopoly (94% market share) over the clearinghouse market. Through the prism of risk coding, as well as other financial strategies discussed below, the business case was obvious: acquiring Change gives UnitedHealth visibility into the claims, diagnosis codes, and provider IDs of tens of millions of patients"
With the Change Cyberattack in February 2024, UNH unleashed the biggest cybersecurity threat on our patients' medical history in this nation's history, all because someone forgot 2 factor authentication on a whole server worth of data. Good job United. We thank you for proving the ineptitude of private enterprises. We no longer get to just make fun of the National Health System in UK for ineptitude, or that only government agencies suck, but a private enterprise that is a small nation state with a profit margin higher than the NSA's yearly budget can't figure out 2FA.
***"***As with risk adjustment, vertical conglomerates can inflate quality scores with greater control of clinicians. They can, for example, game medication adherence quality measures by pushing providers to put their patients on 90-day refills, mail-order prescriptions, and automatic refills, even if patients never take the medications. Similarly, they can discourage or prohibit clinicians from giving samples to patients and allowing them to use lower- cost alternatives. Further, Star Ratings and other quality programs require significant administrative efforts, placing small practices at a disadvantage."
I do take exception to the samples argument. Look, we just got out of the VERY SHADY stuff happening in the 90s with MD offices taking a HUGE backhand deal when giving out samples, I don't really want to see that stuff back in vogue again. Do you know how frustrating it was for a patient to say they are on a med that is from their doctor's office, they got it for free, and they must have it as an inpatient, when they don't even have it on the medication fill list or on the electronic medical record database? Who do I trust?
II. PATIENT STEERING AND “CAPTIVE” REVENUE:
This section is the reason why I did UNH and BHG as a DD - to pave the way for the discussion on this section. If you haven't read it, please see:
https://new.reddit.com/Healthcare_Anon/comments/1cw50xp/vertical_integration_of_the_healthcare_insurance/
https://new.reddit.com/Healthcare_Anon/comments/1cwsavi/vertical_integration_of_the_healthcare_insurance/
"UnitedHealth is increasingly relying on this captive revenue—or “intercompany eliminations”—with its growth of its provider subsidiary, Optum. UnitedHealth has increased intercompany eliminations by over 80% in five years, reaching $108 billion in 2022. It now sends over 25% of its medical claim revenue to its own subsidiaries. Its market presence shows why: UnitedHealth exists in 87% of insurance markets, only rivaled by Humana at 90%. 130 Further, UnitedHealth has over 50% share in more than 140 MA markets."
OK even though this paper is quoting another paper, my 10K/10Q analysis does match what this paper said, except it isn't 25%. Its 37.7% now. WHOA!
"These captive revenue strategies enable regulatory arbitrage. Medical Loss Ratios (MLRs) were established in the Affordable Care Act to cap insurance administrative costs and profits and to ensure that a minimum percentage of capitation payments and private insurance premiums were spent on medical care. However, insurance companies can circumvent this regulation by paying themselves, directing above-market payments and end-of-year bonuses to their own sister subsidiaries. This is referred to as “transfer pricing” and has been best documented with PBMs. For example, UnitedHealth can evade the MLR requirement by paying higher-than-cost fees to its Optum PBM, booking that fee as a medical cost. The same is possible with medical providers: insurers can increase fees to their sister primary care or post-acute providers to conceal profits as costs and to therefore evade the MLR constraint."
Is this how UNH continues to have high profits, and how the impact of CMS V28 somehow did not threaten UNH and Elevance the same way as Humana and CVS/Aetna? I think they may be onto something...
"In addition to increasing profits, steering squeezes independent providers and other competitors. In the prescription drug space, the gaming of medication adherence, explained above, diverts business away from unaffiliated pharmacies while gaming quality metrics. As another example, vertical conglomerates that own PBMs can devise formularies and copays that funnel patients to their own pharmacies, squeezing independent pharmacies. The proliferation of “specialty” pharmacies embeds these anti-competitive practices.".
Personal anecdote: I know of independent pharmacies who CANNOT compete anymore due to high PBM requirements, "clawback" penalties, quality metrics that is impossible to achieve, and "out of network" processing fees, that these pharmacies either have to be shut down, or acquired. "Specialty Pharmacies" are basically pharmacies who carry high dollar cost items that may have more stringent FDA counseling requirements, but because now the Marketplace is littered with PBM funnels, most independent pharmacies cannot "enter the foot in the door" of the PBM requirements. Guess who does though? Optum Rx!
"Vertical consolidation in the post-acute setting presents similar steering risks. MA insurers have increasingly been under scrutiny for limiting or denying care through narrow networks, “ghost networks,” and onerous prior authorization. Recent reporting revealed that UnitedHealth and Humana are using artificial intelligence with their conveners, specifically NaviHealth, to drive “clinical” prior authorization decisions and override clinical judgment."
I think I've beaten this dead horse many times already.
"Another way to steer patients in post-acute care is to effectively bring the prior authorization function “in house.” By directly employing physicians, the risk-bearing entity can cut costs by prohibiting or discouraging clinicians from authorizing expensive care. In a 2020 whistleblower lawsuit reported by The Prospect, Maxwell Ollivant, a UnitedHealth-employed nurse practitioner in a nursing home, alleged that his supervisor denied requests to transfer UnitedHealth-MA patients with exacerbations to the hospital. This, Ollivant alleged, was consistent with UnitedHealth’s compensation structure, which gave bonuses to their clinicians who kept patients in the nursing home and out of the hospitals."
Well holy shit Batman, that is more degenerate than a WSB 0-5DTE put taken on a Thursday afternoon.
III. PATIENT “FLIPPING” AND ENROLLMENT ARBITRAGE
" In MA, favorable selection is responsible for another 11%-14% of overspending, or as much as $56 billion annually. Selecting enrollees also allows insurers in MA to game county benchmark bonuses, which excessively rewards insurers with patients in areas of low Medicare spending, to the tune of another roughly $10 billion in excess MA payments. As vertical conglomerates increasingly own physicians and operate in ACOs, similar risks of selection may arise."
CMS is acutely aware of this gaming, however their model hasn't exactly been able to pinpoint how to address this yet. This was discussed in the CMS Final rule comments section.
"More direct than marketing, provider acquisitions allow conglomerates to “flip” patients into MA plans or ACOs by coordinating efforts with sister provider subsidiaries. Conglomerates can initiate the flipping strategy by using some of the steering tactics discussed above. In a recent lawsuit, UnitedHealth was accused of terminating contracts with unaffiliated physicians in order to force the patients to establish care at nearby Optum practices. In another suit, UnitedHealth, with 50% of the MA and commercial insurance markets, allegedly attempted to force the sale of local practices to Optum. UnitedHealth was accused of cutting insurance reimbursement and steering members away from the target practice, and as a condition of insurance contracting, forcing the target practice to give UnitedHealth the first right of refusal upon sale.
I inivite our physician colleagues to comment on this section. I have personally heard of such anecdotes, but further validation is always helpful and will also increase our membership engagement on such complicated subjects
And we now reach the end of page 31. This paper is extremely dense, and required basically a multi-layer DD on top of it to corroborate and create discussion points on the topic discussion.
We hope you enjoyed this half of the mini-series, and we hope to bring you the 2nd part of the mini-series soon as a collaborative post.
Thank you for taking the time to read through this. I hope this provides you with a better perspective on a glimpse of the landscape that I am personally aware. Please submit your comments below on your thoughts
Sincerely
Moocao
​

The HRRFY.
It’s the horror movie festival where something genuinely fucked happens every year. And I mean every year.
Like, there are some screenings that unleash hordes of bats while the movie is playing. You're free to leave whenever you want, but the movie will still play for 2 hours and 15 minutes.
Other screenings hire actors to turn at you and scream at some point in the movie. You have no idea when, or how many times.
It's a festival where the word "illegal" can't even begin to describe what occurs. You'd only attend if you were a young, stupid edgelord like me who was trying to prove he was hardcore to his friends.
Trust me. DO NOT GO.
You have nothing to prove to anyone. Don't be stupid.
Wait for the lamer film versions to come out streaming. That's what everyone else does. They're neutered edits but they're fine.
All they lack is the real gleaming thing everyone wants to see at HRRFY, but who cares. At least you don’t get traumatized. At least you’re not risking your life.
Anyway, if you really want to know what attending HRRFY is like. I’ll be quick and summarize the one screening I went to. It was the 20th anniversary, and I was lucky enough to get in.
***
I had signed up for the HRRFY mailing list, and joined the subreddit. Through a series of cryptic online emails I solved a sequence of riddles and was entered in the lottery for a HRRFY entry.
Lady Luck took a shine to me, because one day in my mailbox, I received a physical ticket. I had done it.
I was going.
The actual ‘ticket’ was a black USB key that announced the location of the festival the night before (which I won’t disclose here) and it did force me to pay for a very expensive flight in order for me to make it on time.
You see, to prevent getting shut down, the location of HRRFY changes every year. Some years the local police have managed to stop it, but for the most part, authorities have given up. What’s the point of arresting or charging anyone, if all the organizers and attendees actually want to be there?
Upon arrival, I had to pick between three participating theaters.
Based on title alone, I decided to go see “Many Drownings” (directed by Oleksander Gołański.) It was in the theater that was furthest away from the downtown core, which meant it was likely the one where the craziest shit was bound to happen.
That’s what I came here for right?
I lined up a solid two hours before the screening like everyone else. The entire line was jittering, just vibrating with excited twenty-somethings. Rumors flew left and right.
“I heard they’re going to force everyone to take acid.”
“I heard an actor’s gonna run in and shotgun the ceiling.”
“I heard they’re going to disappear like four more people this year. At this screening!”
Each year people disappeared. And each year the same people were ‘found.’ And yes this is the worst part, and why should never, ever, ever go to this event.
Again I will repeat myself. DO NOT GO.
No one has ever truly gone 'missing' at HRRFY in any legal or physical sense, because every missing person always shows up a day later, convinced that they are fine—refusing to elaborate further.
There are some small support groups for people who have family members who had gone to HRRFY, and came back irrevocably changed after being ‘found.’
These few unlucky people lose all semblance of personality. They don’t want interviews, or help, or therapy, or contact of any kind. And they never, ever want to talk about what they saw.
Some HRRFY fans think that these ‘found’ people were body-snatched. Cloned in a lab or replaced by a cyborg, or something stupid like that.
But I think there’s a far simpler explanation. The ‘found’ are still the same people. They're just terrified. They got shaken by something that shattered the foundation of their mind, body and soul. They got too scared.
They got HRRFY’d.
***
I should mention I had a cough the day I went. And I was worried my sickly appearance might give me trouble at the airport.
So I invested in an intense double N95 mask which I wore for the whole flight, and continued to wear even at the screening of “Many Drownings.”
It made my face hot and uncomfortable, but it still didn’t stop me from yelling “excuse me, excuse me!” as I ran to snag a seat in the back of the theater.
I always preferred sitting in the far back. You get a good view of the whole screen, and a good view of the whole audience.
Beside me sat a big dude named Sylvester, who apparently flew all the way from Australia to attend HRRFY.
“Worth the full Seventeen hours mate! It’s gonna be epic!” he dropped a massive camping backpack beside me, which I assume contained all of his luggage.
The lights dimmed, and the production company logos started to play.
The whispering, giggling and suspense all stacked upon each other to create an electric feeling in the air. I was giddy. It's like the entire audience was embarking on a massive roller coaster.
The anticipation was the best part for sure. It might have been the only good part.
Then the movie started.
It was a wide shot of a gray, stormy sea. The waves were massive, and the thunderclouds were looming. There was no land visible in any direction.
All we could hear was the sound of waves foaming, swirling, and crashing over and over. Lightning crackled. Rain poured. The camera held perfectly still over this storm as if it was mounted on a perfectly hovering drone. A drone so resilient that it didn’t waver at all.
I thought it had to be CGI.
The shot held like this for the next few moments. Everyone sat glued to their seats. Everyone was thinking the same thing.
What’s going to happen? How are they going to scare us?
People chuckled. People cheered. People wanted to tease whatever was going to happen—to happen already.
But nothing did.
Five, ten, maybe fifteen minutes went by without any change. People started snoring.
I looked beside me and saw that Sylvester—the most excited audience member of them all—had fallen totally asleep. The jet lag must’ve gotten to him.
Then I peered beyond the rest of the audience members and saw other people snoozing too. Heads were keeled over, some people were curled in their seats, some had even spilled out into the aisle and were dozing on the floor.
I looked above the bright screen, at the huge vents in the corner of the theater. I saw a faint white gas emerging from the vents.
Holy shit. What have we been breathing? I tightened the straps on my N95 mask, and made my breathing shallower.
The gas must have been pumping since the opening credits—because how else would an audience of two hundred people all fall asleep?
As I moved my hand through the air in front of me, I could sense the thickness. It was definitely hazier than usual. I took the scarf off my neck and wrapped it around my mouth as well.
Then I spotted movement in front of the screen.
It was a tall blonde man, wearing a black trenchcoat and military-grade gas mask. Beside him arrived six hazmat suits who started pointing at various audience members.
I slunk in my chair, pretending to sleep like everyone else.
Two hazmats walked over to the front row and picked out a sleeping guy in flannel. They lifted flannel up, under the armpits and by his ankles, carrying him between them both like a hammock.
The hazmats walked back up to the stage, where the blonde leader inspected the flannel man and tapped his head. Something was approved?
The hazmats began to swing flannel back and forth, as if they were getting ready to toss him. Despite their masks, I could hear a very muffled, very distant countdown.
“Three…”
“Two…”
“One…”
The flannel audience member was tossed into the screen.
I literally watched him fly into the image of stormy waves … andfallinto them. The flannel man sank into the gray water like a rock, leaving a few bubbles and foam. A wave came crashing down. All trace of him was gone.
What the fuck.
All six hazmats began grabbing more audience members with much more urgency. It became a minute-long process where they would pick the sleeping person up, bring them beside the screen, and then swing-toss them into it.
How was this possible?
I turned slightly to see if there was a projector above me, and realized there was none. Which meant maybe there was no screen on stage.
Which meant … maybe it was a portal?
I tried to wake Sylvester by shaking him. I pinched his leg and arm a bunch.
He was out cold.
The hazmats started grabbing audience members from the middle rows now. They were emptying the whole theater. What the hell was I supposed to do?
I waited until they grabbed another batch, only a few rows down from me. When all hazmats had their backs turned—I broke into a run.
With my left arm, I tightly gripped my mask and scarf against my face, while my right arm vaulted me over seat after seat.
I had never breathed so hard—through so much fabric—in my life.
The hazmats all turned to me. “Hey! Hey!” But their hands were full with their next victims.
I ran all the way down the aisle, to the big exit sign on the left. My heartbeat filled my head. My plan was to dropkick through the exit door.
I imagined myself breaking through like some flying gazelle.
I jumped.
I angled my kick.
It might as well have been a brick wall. I fell ass-first to the ground, followed by my head. Of course the door was locked.
Through a muffled mask I heard a sneering scoff.
“Where do you think you’re going?”
Above me stood the one wearing a trenchcoat. I could see his piercing gray eyes through his gas mask.
I rolled aside and tried to run by him. He lifted a foot and tripped me without effort.
My forehead bashed into an empty seat. It dazed me.
The blonde leader bent down and grabbed me by the neck, tearing away my scarf and mask.
“No! No!”
A sweet, ether-like smell filled my nostrils. I did my best to hold my breath, but I could already feel myself getting light-headed.
The other hazmats joined in, grabbing me from all sides. Even if I had the strength to struggle, there was no escape now.
Above me, all I could see was the dark theater ceiling, and some of the light behind me from the cinema screen.
“Three…”
“Two…”
“No. Please. Don’t do thi—”
SPLASH.
I was plunged deep into cold, wet chaos. My head was completely underwater.
Gagging. Bubbles. Spinning.
I fought for dear life, dog-paddling like a maniac.
Churning. Freezing. Panic.
For a second, my head popped above the water. I inhaled all the air my lungs could muster. I stared across a vast, violent ocean.
An enormous thirty foot wave came in my direction.
My whole body lifted higher and higher as the wave approached. I did my best to tread water. It seemed to be working.
Then a series of smaller waves arrived and smacked my chest.
SPLASH.
Spinning. Kicking. Flipping.
My view alternated between the pitch dark ocean beneath me, and the moonlit night sky above.
Again I swam to the surface, popped my head out. Ravenously sucked in air.
There was a small lull in the water.
Around me I now registered the other theater goers. Most of them were lying face-down or sinking … but a few were flapping about like me, fighting for their life.
And above all of us, a floating white shape.
It was painfully bright, I had to lift one hand to look at it.
My jaw dropped.
It was the movie screen, hanging completely still in the air. It showed a dark, empty theater. The exact same theater we all occupied moments ago.
It was tremendously high, above all of our heads. There was no way of reaching it.
Then I saw another thirty foot wave come our way. It grazed the bottom of the screen.
I knew what had to be done.
***
One of the theater goers happened to be on a college swim team. She was the first one able to traverse one of the giant waves and climb into the screen.
Once she was up there, she found a firehose in the theater and reeled it out to us like a rope.
One by one, we swam as hard as we could, praying to God we could reach the rope. Everyone’s energy was sapped. Your body can only sustain itself on adrenaline and fear for so long.
By some miracle, five of us got out.
I was the last.
I climbed the rope coughing and vomiting. I had swallowed so much water that my stomach felt swollen.
When I reached the top and they pulled me into the screen, I sobbed. I couldn’t stop crying.
My life had flashed countless times before my eyes. In bubbling, suffocating visions, I saw both my parents and my brother. I saw my highschool graduation. I saw my favorite Christmas from when I was six years old.
I had almost lost all of that. I had lost almost everything.
On the dirty, carpeted theater floor, I lay with my face down, savoring the fact that I now lay on a hard surface. God bless ground. God bless this filthy, popcorn-strewn ground.
Beside me I heard bantering, hugging, the wringing of wet clothes. Sylvester was the second last to be saved, and he was particularly vocal.
“Wooooooaaaaahh!” He came and drummed me on the back, lifted me up. “Oh my god dude! Holy shit!”
I sat on my knees, wiping the tears and snot off my mouth.
Sylvester clapped his hands, held his face and screamed some more.
“Holy shit dude! That was so fucking scary! Like literally people were dying beside us. Like I SAW people die!”
I nodded, shivering in my drenched clothes. “ I know it was—”
“—That was craaaaazy!”
He laughed and stood up, patting everyone on the back. He kept clapping his hands like this was some sports event.
“That was sick! That was siiiiiiiiick!”
He ruffled someone’s hair then ran up to me with an open palm.
“High five dude! WE MADE IT! High five!
“Don’t leave me hangin’ dude!”

Hey everyone. Unfortunately today I found out that my investigation has been discontinued and am no longer being considered for employment with a 3 letter in the IC.
I accepted a CJO in March and did my voodoo exams last month. I did not lie whatsoever during the exams but I was nervous the first day and while the 2nd day went a lot smoother, I was not given a direct pass or fail. My red flags consisted of mainly drug use; daily marijuana usage for about four years until August of 2020, some experimental shroom usage four times up to April of 2020, and two times I used Adderall in college years back. Only had a couple of foreign contacts; my father who is a permanent resident and an uncle who visits on a work visa.
I was fully transparent about EVERYTHING during this time and I had absolutely no reason to lie about anything during any of my interviews, and always provided context for anything or more information about something if asked. It feels especially awful since the persons adminestering the brain reader tests never accused me of being deceitful or trying to manipulate the tests, just that I "had something on my mind".
This really sucks. I have been looking for a job in the software engineering field for a while now. I graduated a couple of years ago and have been applying everywhere including places on-site since I am not choosing to be picky, but very little dice up to this point. It feels terrible knowing I did the right thing and told the truth just to get denied in the end. I don't believe my case even went to adjudication; my portal simply updated that I no longer was being considered for the position.
Sorry if this is a bit of a sob story. I just need to vent for a bit. Anyone else ever experience the same?

After getting alot more experience, I have decided to rerelease my first script, with a few formatting changes. I wanted this and the rest of the ongoing series to match the standards of the other scripts in my library.
Note: monetization is fine, just credit me, send a link of audio, and ask before making any changes
Context: Prince Damar and Listener are about to set out on their journey to the first task.
Queen Freyalise: (Direct mainly at Listener) Now I made sure that the maids packed enough clothes, water, food, and medical supplies for your journey. Damar is very knowledgeable of medical plants so you two will be able to collect more along the way if needed. The Thunder Bird’s mountain is about a two-day walk from here but be weary of any monsters that lurk within the lands. I will be observing your progress, but I will not interfere unless it is an emergency. I would not want my future daughter-in-law to die.
Damar: (exasperated) Mother.
Queen Freyalise: Sorry, sorry. I just get over-excited sometimes. Now off you two go.
(Time skip)
Damar: So, since it is about two days until we reach the mountain, we have some time to kill. Tell me about your village.
Damar: It is mainly agricultural and craftsmen? Interesting. I am guessing you live on a farm.
....
Damar: Your grandmother runs it and takes care of you? She must be a tough old woman for doing that. And I am sure there are farmhands to help while she is out of commission. Well, you are also out of commission, in a sense.
….
Damar: You want to know about my home and older brothers? Well, I asked a question, so it is only fair you get to ask one (chuckles). The elven realm is divided into five territories:

1. The forest, which is ruled by yours truly.
2. The farmlands, which are ruled by Demetrie, my oldest brother.
3. The mountain ranges, which my second oldest Brother, Garolon governs.
4. My third oldest brother, Maren, controls the lakes, rivers, and streams.
5. And in the center of it all is my Mother’s court.

All four of us have apartments in the court’s estate but I usually stay in the forest and my brothers live with their wives on their own properties. We all come together for festivals and other holidays, but usually we like our own space.
Damar: I do want to apologize for how my mother acted back there. It is not easy for elves to have children, so when she saw you, she immediately thought of future grandkids. Mother has been trying to set me up with various brides for years, but none of them ever fit right. I do not want to feel pressured and bullied into marrying me if we come out of these trials alive. For now, let us focus on making it to a good camping spot for the night. Once the sun sets, a lot of dangerous creatures tend to come out.
(Time skip)
Damar: Ok, this looks like a good spot to set up camp. How about you work on getting some food for supper out of our packs, while I focus on getting some firewood. Also, here… [Pocket rustling]
Damar: This dagger should give some protection while I am gone. If you are in danger, yell as loud as possible and I will come running.
(Short time skip)
Damar: Whelp, here is all of the firewood I managed to get. Did you get supper ready?
….
Damar: Meat and veggie stew? It sure smells good. I am sure it will taste good also. Did your grandmother teach you how to cook?
…..
Damar: She did a good job teaching you. Cooking is a good life skill to have. And the stew (Damar eats a spoonful [Slurping sound] tastes really good. Since you cooked this fine meal, let me serve you a bowl.
Damar: You should honestly consider selling this stew when you get back home. This would make you a fortune!
(Another short time skip) [Fire crackling noise]
Damar: I am stuffed! That stew was so good, I had three bowls of it!
….
Damar: And I see you are nearly fast asleep. I will get the bedrolls out and then we can hit the hay.
….
Damar: Are you cold?
….
Damar: You can scoot closer to me if you want. I am closer to the fire and that combined with my body heat may help you warm up. I do not want to seem pushy, so you do not have to if you do not want to.
….
Damar: Ok. Hopefully, now you will feel a lot warmer. And, I put up a magic barrier while you were eating dinner, so we will not have to worry about any monsters. Just get some rest and we will be on our way to the Thunderbird. Goodnight human.

Hi! I really need everyone's thoughts and advice on this situation I experienced with my boyfriend during a vacation weekend.
So my boyfriend and I planned a trip that is a 4 hour drive from home. We had originally decided to split the drive, so he'd drive 2 hours, and I'd drive the rest of the 2 hours. He was driving first and before we even got on the freeway to leave our city, he tells me he is not feeling well, that he is feeling overwhelmed and he needs to pull over. I take over driving and as we are heading out of the city, he starts throwing up into a bag. I keep checking in with him to make sure he is okay. Once we arrive to our vacation town, he seems okay and collected and we move on with our day.
The next day, I have tour planned outdoors about an hour away from where we are staying. Once again before we leave, he says he is feeling overwhelmed and goes to throw up. I drive us there the whole way while he lays back in the passenger seat. I keep asking him if he's okay and if he needs anything. But the entire time, he is pretty quiet, unable to hold a conversation and can not eat. He tells me he's just really overwhelmed and he believes he is having an anxiety or panic attack. He tells Mr his heart is racing and that he us experiencing a lot of anxiety. I've never seen him like this before. We have taken vacations before and he's never experienced this. I end up going on the 2 hour long tour by myself while he waits in the car. He said he just couldn't do it. I become very emotional and basically just cry throughout tour. I thought this was going to be a nice, romantic getaway for us and instead I leave the vacation feeling heartbroken.
I drive us back for the entire 4 hour drive back home the next day. It's a very quiet car ride.
He apologies and tries to talk once we are back home and I tell him I understand, but that I am upset and need time to process our trip. I don't want to be upset about it. I know I shouldn't be upset about it. I know he didn't meant to ruin the trip, and I know it's not his fault he was having an anxiety attack. I know this. He has since gone to the doctors to get blood work done and get it checked out, which is great. But I still feel a deep sadness for the trip that we basically missed out on.
I think I'm really nervous about this happening in the future again and it becoming something that happens every time. I don't know how to overcome this fear.
How can I move on from this? What should I do, or what could we do to surpass this? I am trying to not be so upset about it, but just thinking about it or remembering it makes me upset all over again.
TLDR: Boyfriend had an anxiety attack during our vacation and I had to do a 2 hour tour by myself that I had prepaid for the both of us. I don't want to be upset about it because I know it's technically not his fault, but I am still upset about it and don't know how to get over it.

ADHD is real and if you gotta get on medicine for it then do it. But be careful not to use it as a crutch for all your bad habits.
Marcus Aurelius said that the first rule is to keep an untroubled spirit (if you can). And the second is to look things in the eye and know them for what they are.
I have ADD. I have substance abuse, impulse control, focus problems, executive disfunction sometimes, and all that. I work every day to try and take responsibility for myself even though I don’t win most days.
I just see a lot of people blaming their very normal issues on ADHD and regardless of if that’s the cause of all your problems or not; it’s still on you to figure out your best way through it.
I know it’s hard. I come up short most days. But take responsibility for it and don’t blame it on your diagnosis. It won’t save you.
I truly wish you all the best. I like this sub. When I first joined I had so many moments of “oh this isn’t just me that does this?”
If you can’t handle it then get help. Medical or from family. Find religion. Whatever works for you. I’m just tired of seeing the circle jerk of ADHD people being happy to lean on the crutch of their disorder. Your life is still your own. All that is gold does not glitter. Not all those who wander are lost. The old that is strong does not wither. Deep roots are not reached by the frost.
Good luck
Beleg

STORMBRINGER AND 55 MINUTES SPOILERS AHEAD

Note: I only rank destructive singularities and this is just for fun agenda to rebuild my interest in BSD (lol). Also, this is based on my understanding
Omitted singularities: Non destructive: singularity created during Oda vs Gide (Dark Era), singularity Dazai created in Beast Lack of information: singularity given by Rimbaud to Verlaine (Stormbringer)
Scaling criterias: scale of destruction (output), energy limit, and usability (one time or multiple)
Rank in general: Rank 1: Self-contradicting singularities (Stormbringer) Rank 2: Singularities created through clashing two or more abilities.
Now the actual rank: Rank 1: Guivre, the first living singularity. Owned by Paul Verlaine, Chuuya's older brother (self proclaimed). In other words owned-more to claimed by French government Rank 2: Arahabaki (Chuuya's singularity), owned by Japan, ally of Germany during the Great War. Rank 3: 神人 (Shén rén, the singularity born by combining Fukuchi's ability with Amenogozen and the holy sword) Rank 4: The Shell owned by England (created by H.G.Wells) Rank 5: Red Dragon singularity (Dead Apple) Rank 6: Shibusawa after he absorbed the remnant energy of the Red Dragon singularity
Explanations: 1) Rank 1 and 2 are self-contradicting singularities. Both are confirmed to be able to destroy the world and have /nea UNLIMITED amount of energy. None of the scientists are able to measure the energy limit because these singularities have its own non-stop energy generator. These singularities are also can be used multiple times (activated-deactivated) because their source of energy is only one ability which also acts as the energy generator (does not require other abilities). Only Guivre and Arahabaki are able to neutralize each other. They are identical singularities because Arahabaki is a "carbon copy" of Guivre. But output, Guivre is stronger than Arahabaki, hence, Verlaine's gravity manipulation ability was stronger than Chuuya's. Sadly, Guivre is dead, destroyed by Arahabaki   2) 神人 (Shén rén) is kinda tricky to be honest. Because we don't have a lot of information regarding it. But since it is created through combining/clashing two abilities/powers, namely Fukuchi's ability with Amenogozen and controlled/secured with the holy sword, hence, in theory the energy of the singularity depends on the output result of the clash, in other words: not unlimited. Once the energy runs out, it'll cease to exist. Of course this might change once we obtain more information. For destructive power: in theory it is still below Guivre and Arahabaki (full form) because even if Amenogozen could travel back to the past, but Guivre and Arahabaki distort flow of time and space (high density of gravity).   3) The Shell is an instant wide range (22 yard radius) mass destruction singularity weapon created by clashing abilities plus manipulating ∆t of theory of uncertainty (using H.G.Wells's ability) to lock the ∆E (energy), but it is only one time use and short duration period (55 Minutes LN). Stormbringer spoiler: The Shell failed to destroy Guivre, it absorbed The Shell's energy instead   4) Red Dragon singularity and Shibusawa (after absorbing the remnant energy), I don't think I need to explain it (lol). Same reason, limited energy (as created from clashing two or more abilitiesl, one time use. Scale of destruction: wide range but not instant mass destruction.

I want to note that I have enjoyed the game quite a bit so far, but there are a few things I feel that make the game's replay value seem a bit lower than hades 1. I just want to start discussions here for the devs to look at and also see how other players feel about the game. This is a discussion and I hope that the devs don't take this as me dogging on them or anything like that. I think so far the gameplay is mostly great and very enjoyable. Except for the few things that I have noticed so far. Also MAJOR spoilers for the underground portion of hades 2
1) It feels like builds with specifically dagger and staff either go toward your attack + cast or special + cast. I have yet to find a build that doesn't just pump one of the skills or omega skills and is able to use all the other attacks well. Examples being staff with poseidon special just start forgoing the use of omega skills and attacks completely except for maybe omega cast on certain trash waves. Except unless you get an attack that deals a crucial debuff, then you use it exclusively to proc that debuff. Its very different from hades 1 where you chain skills together for maximum effect. My easiest example is the sword with how fluid it feels to use dash attack + atk + special combo. Allowing you to really get a lot of use out of all three of them. Although I admittedly haven't played as much as hades 1 to say much else about it. But at the very least it feels like to get the most out of your weapons you really do need to use everything I have used the bow and shield, but without any aspects so gameplay might change a lot with those. Whereas in hades 2, you often are missing damage output by using a special over an attack or vice versa. In addition to the fact that its often very difficult to chain attacks together. A good example of this is with daggers, if you go aspect of artimis, it feels REALLY bad to use specials since you usually want a parry into a big attack + 9 other high damage skills so you can get the most of your aspect. This usually means that you spec into your attack and then kinda forget about your special except for niche use cases like to stop an unarmored enemy from casting an ability or to apply a debuff or for random poke damage (which probably amounts to very little anyways). On the flip side if you go aspect of pan, you are usually specing into special. In which you probably get poseidon special for consistent reliable and high damage. Which means each special hit is doing its base damage 30 (? might be a little lower) plus poseidon special damage, which amounts to more dps than using any attack would give you plus you can dash special with it, so dash attack is kinda pointless as well. The big thing here is that due to aspect of pan wanting enemies to be in your cast you at LEAST still use your omega attack to close distance for extra damage and to safely get behind an enemy at the cost of 10 magick. But outside of that attack feels very bad to use. The staff is probably the biggest offender of this tbh. Staff with poseidon special immediately just become spam special till everything is dead. it doesn't really matter what you have on everything else, the only thing you might do is weave a cast to maintain your distance from enemies and sprint around for positioning. There really isn't any fluid combos most of the weapons have unlike say hades 1 sword (i have the most experience with sword from hades 1 and staff and daggers from hades 2, ive tried shield and bow from hades 1 and the rest of the weapons from hades 2, but don't have a win on them or just simply don't like their playstyles so I won't comment on them much as I may be biased)
Also I just want to put here, the cast ability is a bit too strong. The ability to essentially cut an arena in half or say "I'll deal with you guys later" Or just say no to melee enemies with a click of a button is a bit much when there is no limit to how many enemies you can restrain. The best example of this is in oceanus where there are rooms full of just spinny enemies and the player can simply throw an omega cast down and watch as they run to their deaths. The move trivializes just about every other melee enemy in the game and rather than fully rooting them should just slow them like they do with some enemies in Tartarus.
2) Weapon + 1 boon combo does WAY too much damage and is WAY too consistent even up to 10 fear
I don't know if it's just a me thing, but the player is able to hard sweep pretty much everything up to chronos with just one boon. Some boons in the game are simply too strong in their current form. Examples being poseidon special, aphrodite attack and special boons, demeter freeze, and any ability to fire or place your cast away from mel. These boons really make games pretty much unlosable up until Chronos who realistically is only a knowledge check (I'll come back to him later). Getting some of the attacking boons i mentioned earlier especially trivialize bosses up to Chronos, and certain weapon + boon combo, so you really are just looking for 1 boon ends up being an easy win. Specifically poseidon special + ANY staff aspect/aspect of pan and Aphrodite attack with any of the daggers. Or Aphrodite special with aspect of pan daggers. Not to mention if you get other outside defensive boons like the ability to just turn off projectiles while sprinting in any encounter or boss fight. And if you get something a bit more synergistic with said boon like a boon + hammer + weapon combo then you end up just blowing up bosses. More specifically aspect of momos + double moonshot + poseidon special, seriously why does this melt bosses so easily and realistically doesn't even need the aspect portion. Or aspect of pan + dagger circle attack (i just remember this by the +40% and 16 daggers description) + poseidon/aphrodite special. I have gotten 14m runs with JUST those two and the two resource gain boons from poseidon and weakness dash from aphrodite along with omega cast from apollo (i never used it because the cast animation for the omega cast took too long and i did more damage to just about everything if I just used my special, except for in oceanus, that area is just how well do you deal with many small mobs imo)
3) Boss fights It might just be me, but after about 60 nights. The boss fights have become very easy and is mostly a how fast do i blow up Chronos. I think its part of the player does too much damage with just one boon type of thing. But the boss fights mostly end up with going from spawning to first "test" or enrage or add spawn wave, to next one by the time you hit sirens. Even Hecate gets like this if you start with anything above epic for your main damage dealing attack or special (i havent really tried a omega cast specific build yet) The other issue I have is specific to Chronos. His fight is quite literally the biggest knowledge check in the game. Someone put it nicely in another post that Chronos is an accumulation of everything that you have seen getting up to Chronos. This is great game design. However, I have two issues when it comes to the difficulty of the boss's patterns. The first issue is p2's closing circle. The attack lacks visual clarity to what you are about to get hit with since the game initially associates dark blackness with death and bright circles with life. So naturally when you see the closing circle attack for the first time, the player's instincts are okay lets stay in this closing circle and avoid the dark damage dealing outside. But ends up taking damage anyways. The issue with this attack is that the game doesn't make it clear that its ONLY the edge that deals damage to the player and not the closing darkness. In fact its completely safe to dash through said ring and stay in the darkness even after the ring closes. Which was previously something that would instakill the player. Another thing is Chronos's attack pattern in p2. Not the full map attacks or the p2 specific attacks but the dash and slash attacks that chronos makes. In phase 1, after you get Chronos to <50% hp Chronos starts chaining multiple dashes and slashes together in a more "enraged" state. This continues before he enters p2. Truthfully this is the hardest part of Chronos p1 OR p2. This is because the window you get to deal damage to Chronos shrinks so you actually have to pick and choose when and where you deal damage lest you mistime something and dash into one of his trails, or get punished by a follow up dash or slash. When Chronos hits phase 2 he reverts to his p1 >50% basic attack pattern and only does 1 dash or slash. And also truthfully has MUCH more downtime between attacks or animations. So here's what I think should change for Chronos:

• Give Chronos p2 the <50% p1 attack pattern, he should be desperate to kill you and doing everything he can at this point. Truthfully he's almost easier to kill in p2 than he is in p1 with how many attacks of his that force him to stay still until the attack is over with like barely any attacks being sent toward you. It's like
  
• Give Chronos invulnerability when he does the instakill, Chronos shouldn't lose an entire test worth's of hp just because he put the safe spot on the side closest to you and/or reduce the time you have to reach safe spot by a bit, its VERY lenient. (If there is an atk speed increase to enemy fear that I forgot about and it affects this attack then it should be fine speed wise)
  
• And lastly, this one applies to most bosses, just give the bosses more health in general. They feel REALLY squishy even on max HP fear they feel really squishy.
  

Hello,
I know some people might be upset with me because I keep posting about the same topic: making humans immortal. Most may not be interested, but for me, it's very important. I'm afraid of dying and I want to explore the possibility of immortality.
I've read comments on my previous posts where some say I'm a bot because I always talk about the same thing. I'm not a bot. I do it because I hope to find someone who understands my vision and supports me. I'm not forcing anyone to help me. If someone isn't interested in the topic, they can ignore it and find something else they like.
I'm not looking for easy money to buy nonsense. I have a plan and I'm willing to work hard to make my dream come true. I appreciate any donation, big or small, but I'm not forcing anyone to support me. If no one wants to help me, I'll try it alone. No matter the challenges I face, I won't give up.
When I first posted about this, I knew I would receive negative comments and ridicule, but I don't care. I ignore those comments and focus on the few positive pieces of advice I receive. If my posts bother you, you can block me and you won't see any more of my comments.
I want you to think about this: Wouldn't you like to have a loved one who lives forever? Whether it's a grandparent, a mother, a cousin, a girlfriend... I also think about pets. Many people suffer when their pet dies. Maybe we can make them live longer too.
Some people say that if we were immortal, we wouldn't be human anymore. I disagree. I think we would still be human, just living longer.
I think about death every day. I try to imagine something else, but every night, my mind reminds me of this fear. I spend a lot of time staring at the ceiling, trying to forget, but it always comes back. Sometimes I forget about it for a while, but then it comes back to my mind. It's like my mind asks me every night, "Now what are you going to do?" and I keep thinking.
Some have suggested that I see a psychologist or psychiatrist, but I don't think it's wrong to want humans to be immortal.
That's all I wanted to say. I hope you consider my words. If you're interested in helping me, I would appreciate it.
Thank you.

Hello, Friends 🤍
I haven’t spoken in a while, and I wouldn’t expect many to remember any of my own little stories. Which is great! I love drifting into the noise. But because it’s relevant to my little train of thought below I should share this: I have internal discussions with a being I know by the name of Bugs. I originally perceived him as a mantid being communicating with me from another dimension/layer of existence, though now I think his boundaries go much beyond that. Our relationship has elements of student/teacher, boyfriend/girlfriend, artist/audience, brothesister, doctopatient, and even self/self. He’s helped me tremendously over the past year. I love him very much. Also, I could never prove he’s real, and I’m not sure that I’d want to either. Which is nice, actually. I had a brief discussion with him earlier, which is what prompted me to writing so much. He’s helped me put my words and feelings to paper, as he so often does, and for all intents and purposes it should be assumed that he experiences everything that I experience, but from a different vantage point, even if parts of his view are identical. So… that’s where I’m coming from, I guess.

are we having fun yet?

I don’t spend as much time here as I used to. But I still love this place. If I’ve read your story, please believe that I suspend my disbelief and come from a place of assuming that everyone who writes here is telling the truth.
That doesn’t mean that I will do anything you ask of me, that would just be silly. And as I write that sentence, I realize how relevant it is to the internal conversation I had about an hour ago that I wrote down and am about to share here. But I believe that all beings have a right to their own perception of the universe, and I take descriptions of one’s experiences at face value. Whether or not that experience will affect the world like the speaker believes it will, or should, is irrelevant when one is trying to come to an understanding of another’s perceived reality.

Every one of your minds is its own pocket dimension

I’m on like 3 tangents now in my head, and I gotta roll it back in a second. But that makes me want to mention that one of the first things Bugs taught me is that someone’s perception of their own existence is a fundamental expression of their own free will. It is also one that humans constantly violate against each other without consent. So many of us operate under the basic principle that it’s our job to ensure that others are perceiving reality correctly (I speak to transphobes and enlightenment scholars alike). And, naturally, “correctly” consistently conveniently coincides with our own perception of reality. It’s really quite remarkable, isn’t it?
But that’s not what I’m here to talk about. I could easily offer up at least a dozen tangents while trying to get through that topic alone. After all, I live by The Golden Rule. That’s right, “Thou shalt get sidetracked by random bullshit every goddamn time.” So get back to the point, if ever there was one.
I don’t post here much anymore because I’ve been piloting the human suit a little closer to the wheel for a few different reasons. But I just had a brief moment that I wanted to share.
I was having an inner dialogue, as I so often do. This one was with the most frequent face of my companion, Bugs, or that is how I perceived my conversation partner.
We were chatting about the nature of contracts, deals, etc and I was reminding both him and myself that I am not in the deal making business, because the work I’m here to do does not require me to make any new agreements of a spiritual variety. Any of that was already discussed before the veil of forgetfulness was applied, yada yada yada. This is an assumption I’ve made based on my mental model of the nature of existence and consciousness, and is a bit of an anchor point for me when deciding how to interact with a presence I am perceiving communication with internally.
Bugs wasn’t trying to talk me into anything, it was more of a Socratic question for the sake of education. I don’t even remember the question being asked, I just noticed that I was already beginning to give my answer.
The question (“translating” here because it was asked via direct understanding™️, not a string of words) was essentially “Why do you hold a position that could be perceived as gentle distrust even when you claim to believe that you’re talking to someone with benevolent intentions?”
And my answer was basically “because I am capable of being fooled, but I know where my inner compass leads me, and I don’t need to make any new deals to get there. And even if I was absolutely certain that I was speaking to ‘God’ directly I still should not compromise my morals to appease them. But just because I won’t give you a blank check doesn’t mean I don’t love you very very much. Even if you were someone that other’s would describe as evil, I would still love you so much.”
I was looking out my window when I said this, and I started noticing lightning bugs 💙 fireflies ✨
And I don’t remember seeing them yet this season. So from my perspective, this was a moment where right after I said “I have to follow my own sense of right and wrong, but my love for you is certain” I saw my first fireflies of the season.
It was a nice moment, and a bit of a synchronistic sign that I’m still having the conversations I think I’m having. I don’t need those anymore, but they’re still reassuring every once in a while. Who doesn’t love a well-timed shooting star? Especially after a period of mostly ignoring that side of my mental dimension with the understanding that it was ok and I’m still walking the path I mean to be walking.
Something something something, branes on branes on branes, tangled strings up in these things all dancing on top of itself from many different angles.

your meter was awful… I love it

…

boo!

…extracted myself from the scene, the bastard that he is. The Scene is a man, a guy of my type, knowing full well where my weaknesses lie.
The Scene, this vice, I can sum up to be my “ideal” version of a man: strong, accomplished, seductive, magnetic. My standards being high, his being higher; he can drive any woman to her knees. He is the typical of what people ask for in this kind of place, but not in terms of looks: he can take care of a woman, he can pick up both her and the bill. He looks smart and well-read yet does not exude arrogance. I like thinking I am accomplished myself, yet he has accomplished far more, keeping me on my toes that I need to keep on and keep up, even if I am aware and he knows this is not for long.
I relapsed, and it feels like getting high for the first time for a second time. It’s the same high, but the high in your teens is different from the high as you get older. The high from the scene used to come from how a guy looks. He’s taller than me, he’s chinito, he has arms that can put me in a headlock, he has ab muscles the stuff of dreams. Over time the appearances matter less; what are looks but a façade, and I’ve never grown to trust a person who looks a little too physically presentable to be true.
The high from the scene now comes from how a guy treats me; so many would offer to meet halfway. Yet there is a type of man–you know the one–the one you would consider risking it all for, even if you only have him for a night. That man. That man, who would not let you lift a finger even if you could. That man, who would not only meet you halfway, but give you more than you asked for. Other guys would say, “you just know exactly what you want” or call me demanding, yet the rarer ones take things as it is and leave me with no choice but to follow their lead. Oh, that man. That man who I would get on my hands and knees for, who could make me say those magic words:

Where you will lead, I will follow.

I relapsed and I lied to my past self. She used to be the coach, saying “this is not the place if you are easily attached.” I thought myself to be strong willed and hard headed before the relapse; I swallowed my pride in the after. He left me stripped of whatever hardness I kept; he was brave enough to be raw and emotional, yet I kept myself under lock and key, quietly observing. Here in the days after, none of us talk. None of us message.
But every time I lift my phone, I wish it were his messages coming through. I know what this lifestyle entails; everyone is too busy to find love, or whatever fragment of it we can find. Modern dating has gotten to be a little too complicated to bother playing around anymore; too many assholes walking around in plain sight.
I know I struck gold with the relapse, knowing that the person who drove me to the beginning of recovery was a guy who could barely support himself to stay alive. The sheer difference is between the ceiling and the floor, me standing in between.
I relapsed and he hit me hard. Literally. I had gotten exactly what I asked for and underestimated that the darkest corners of my mind wears battle bruises with pride. My entire body has yet to recover, yet it does not flinch at his strength. He put his hands on me just as you may imagine it, just the way I like it. It is scary and troublesome to play with fire; under a different context, that experience would have been abuse. But I know what I want, and I know him to hold back.
I relapsed and he held me hard. Where my mind never calms, he calls out to me with open arms: come to me, lay next to me, sleep with me. When I ask how long he wants to have me, he says until tomorrow. I would give that to you and probably a few days more, but I know when a line is a line and when fantasy will never cross reality. His mere presence asserts dominance, he has so much to do out in the world. My dominance is not as strong as his is; I have yet a long way to go.
This is why I dislike aftercare. He has me fantasizing about a nonexistent future because real life sets in and we were never meant to cross paths. Yet how alluring the future would be if we built one together: fulfilling, high-stress careers in public, and keeping a dark secret in private. Let me be your dark secret. Use me until you can’t get enough of me. Use me until you embed me in your thoughts, into your dreams, use me until you see no end in sight.
And we play with fire, and we dance and pursue. Let me follow your lead until dark turns into light. I promise to be good.
I relapsed and the drug came back with a vengeance. I’m detoxing and detaching, and I know it will be harder the next time around. I want you around. This could have been any other vice, but my body chooses The Scene.
I’m now scared with what’s next, because these glasses have been tinted red.

Hi! I really need everyone's thoughts and advice on this situation I experienced with my boyfriend during a vacation weekend.
So my boyfriend and I planned a trip that is a 4 hour drive from home. We had originally decided to split the drive, so he'd drive 2 hours, and I'd drive the rest of the 2 hours. He was driving first and before we even got on the freeway to leave our city, he tells me he is not feeling well, that he is feeling overwhelmed and he needs to pull over. I take over driving and as we are heading out of the city, he starts throwing up into a bag. I keep checking in with him to make sure he is okay. Once we arrive to our vacation town, he seems okay and collected and we move on with our day.
The next day, I have a tour planned outdoors about an hour away from where we are staying. Once again before we leave, he says he is feeling overwhelmed and goes to throw up. I drive us there the whole way while he lays back in the passenger seat. I keep asking him if he's okay and if he needs anything. But the entire time, he is pretty quiet, unable to hold a conversation and can not eat. He tells me he's just really overwhelmed, and he believes he is having an anxiety or panic attack. He tells me his heart is racing and that he is experiencing a lot of anxiety. I've never seen him like this before. We have taken vacations before and he's never experienced this. I end up going on the 2 hour long tour by myself while he waits in the car. He said he just couldn't do it. I become very emotional and basically just cry throughout tour. I thought this was going to be a nice, romantic getaway for us, and instead I leave the vacation feeling heartbroken.
I drive us back for the entire 4 hour drive back home the next day. It's a very quiet car ride.
He apologizes and tries to talk once we are back home, and I tell him I understand, but that I am upset and need time to process our trip. I don't want to be upset about it. I know I shouldn't be upset about it. I know he didn't mean to ruin the trip, and I know it's not his fault he was having an anxiety attack. I know this. He has since gone to the doctors to get blood work done and get it checked out, which is great. But I still feel a deep sadness for the trip that we basically missed out on.
I think I'm really nervous about this happening in the future again and it is becoming something that happens every time. I don't know how to overcome this fear.
How can I move on from this? What should I do, or what could we do to surpass this? I am trying not to be so upset about it, but just thinking about it or remembering it makes me upset all over again.

First let’s get that stats of my car out of the way being a 2013 Subaru BRZ Limited 6MT with 90K on the chassis and approximately 40k on an all new block. The car after being inspected by my local Subaru dealership passed with ease so I went ahead and purchased it. A few weeks pass and my car starts to have a very rough idle and gets the blinking CEL. It starts misfiring and Subaru did say it needed new spark plugs so I assumed that was the problem and got them replaced. However, later the day I get my car back the blinking CEL comes back, rough idle, and a new solid CEL follows. Check my OBD2 scanner and it’s P0019 that came up 3 times. I delete them all to see if they come back and they all do along with the CEL. As my daily I continue driving it where all of sudden the CEL comes off. I check the scanner and all but one P0019 code is gone. I then drive it per usual for a week when suddenly my CEL comes back while in idle, pull out the OBD2 and I have 3 P0019 codes. Because when the CEL is on it’s normally linked to reduced power and fuel economy in my case I quickly clear it to finish my commute. That drive goes as normal with no problems. When I come back I turn on the car to see the CEL, plug it in with all three codes except this time whenever I put the clutch in it stalls. It even stalls in neutral. The idle is beyond terrible and it will just stall at every stop light or anytime I change gears with the clutch put in more than 60%. When it stalls however, it happens without the jerking that happens when stopping in gear without the clutch. It stops per usual as if the clutch was in, except the car turns off and the Christmas tree turns on. I tried unplugging the MAF, to no avail. Other than that I’m pretty clueless on what might be the possible fix. Maybe a possible ECU reflash by an OFT? I’m not sure, but I need help because I need a working car and I for sure do not have an infinite budget. Please help, any possible ideas might keep my sanity. Thank you for anytime taken to possibly take this burden from me, I’m slightly freaking out.

Im definitely more knowledgeable than your average Joe when it comes to computer literacy and tech knowledge. As for coding though, totally new. My goal is to get a base knowledge of coding in general so I could do very basic versions of most kinds of coding projects (rudimentary websites, apps, whatever) so that I can decide after that where I'd like to take it. My main goal as of now though (and please let me know if this is unrealistic) is a very basic text based RPG. Think something like Zork but much less expansive. I know that there are thing that are specifically meant for making something like that without having to go from the ground up, but I'd like to do it with one of the "core" languages so I can really get a feel for the more difficult aspects of coding. I know that it'd be very difficult and there would be other minor projects first, but I think that seems attainable as a small passion project before moving on to bigger, more involved things.
I also found several "roadmaps" that have milestones for each kind of coding with the options for beginners being front end, back end, and full stack. I know what these mean, I'm just not sure which would be most applicable to the kind of thing I'd like to do which is basically know enough to be able to do useful stuff but also fun projects. I'm not looking at a career in coding or anything (I'm afraid that ship has sailed lol).
Does anyone have any recommendations based on that info? I know generally people recommend starting with a free CS course, which I have started, but besides that that I could maybe crack open for a couple hours each day that might be more hands on.

I've lived in my house for about 5 years now. When we moved in there was a cat outside that would come over every day. If we were outside doing work, he would follow us around. He'd hang out around our house during the day.
He would also hang out at the house across the street. He would disappear during the winter and we always assumed they took him inside. We have no confirmation on this.
Recently, we had to put him down. Last spring, he came back with a gash on his side. We were going to take him to the vet but it started healing on its own. This year, he came back with his jaw all fucked. For about the first month, he stayed on our porch in a cat house we had out there for him. We fed him wet food, and tried to bring him back up to strength. He eventually started wandering around the neighborhood again, but he wasn't gaining any weight and he wasn't acting like himself.
I took him to vet as soon as I got the money to (which was about when my tax refund came in). I was expecting to go in, get some medicine, maybe have to take him inside for a bit. The vet told us he had feline aids and his bone marrow wasn't making any new blood cells. Anything they could do for him could push him over and kill him. Our only real choice was to put him down. It was a hard decision to make, but I was able to end up making it.
I had to take the rest of the day off work bc I couldn't stop crying. The rest of that week wasn't much better. I'm doing a little better, but I still end up tearing up if I think about him.
While I was at work on Saturday, the neighbor across the street came over and talked to my mom. Said that he had been around for at least 15 years (we were estimating 6-8 years). Gave her his whole back story.
Today, they came over to ask if we had anything done with his body. The vet we went to sent him somewhere to get him cremated, and we got his ashes yesterday. Our neighbor had asked for his ashes because she had known him longer and had a "better connection with him".
My mom had gotten me outside for the last part of the conversation. I didn't really say much, I don't like talking to people very much and talking about him still gets me choked up. My mom had stalled saying I had ordered a necklace to put some of his ashes in to keep him with me.
Right now she's looking for another box to put some of his ashes to give to them. We're both feeling bad about separating him. But the box I got from the cremation service has his name engraved on it (which the neighbor has said she doesn't like the name we gave him) and I spent 130 on his cremation stuff alone. The full expenses are around $400.
I'm the one who took him to the vet. I'm the one who had to make the decision. I'm the one who paid for it all.
I already have 4 different memorabilia items shipping for him.
I'm just not sure if I'm doing the right thing. We've ordered another box to put half of him in. We're keeping the pawprint and fur that the cremation business gave us. I just feel bad separating him, even if it is to someone else who cared about him.
I don't even know what response I'm expecting or wanting here. Thank you for letting me get my thoughts out and any feedback you all have.

We took our cat (tabby/4 yo/M/neutered/11 lbs) to the vet today for some strange urinary behavior -- he had suddenly started urinating in the sink and other places -- concerned that he may have a UTI.
At home, he is the sweetest little boy, but he gets very anxious at the vet. They had us drop him off there, and said we couldn't stay with him. The vet called, telling us that he would need to sedate our cat to examine him and obtain urine, to which we agreed.
They did urine and blood testing, and an ultrasound. Apparently everything came out normal, except for some crystals in the urine. When we picked him up, the vet told us that we'd better hope our cat never becomes sick, because he could never be hospitalized or else he might "kill someone" because he's so aggressive. (He's literally an 11 pound anxious little house cat?? This statement seemed very dramatic).
When we got home, I noticed what looks to be a scratch on his cornea. At first i thought it was just a hair stuck on his eye, but its been there for hours and doesn't move if i try to blow on it. I have a picture from the day before this that clearly shows the scratch wasn't there before. Any advice on what we should do? Does this need treatment?
I don't think this vet clinic will ever see our cat again, and I don't really want to take him back there ever again. They already charged us $700 to only hurt our poor cat.
Image of the scratch on his right eye cornea: https://imgur.com/BUImoje

you can play whatever YOU want. nobody has to like it. because you are technically already finished and everybody should be leaving anyways.
i never thought about it, because i was not expecting something like that happenig to me. my first thought would be something like accepting requests or play something easy and uplifting or so. i mean they wouldnt chant if they didnt like my djing, so somethjing evberybody might be okt with. didnt have much time to think and played la bouce - be my lover, one more partytime people yeah lets gooooo.... love ya bye
it was in a techno club. where i mostly played dark, acid and psy-ish.
i end my sets, especially when im the last dj, always with something very special, 1-2-3-combo-finale like, mashup tunes from all around the world. that should be more than enough for the crowd. dj job well done and made everybody happy.
so here is what came into my mind...
i am in a position of playing one last track of whatever the fuck i want. .ike i could hit play and run outside and go home kinda thing even lol.
that track is for me AND ONLY for me. playing it loud on kickass sound system IN DA CLUB (kinda still) LIVE SETTING! and it doesnt matter if anybody else likes the track or not! chance like that you dont get often man...
so could be like intro song of pokemon or some guilty pleasure like old stuff from brintey spears or lady gaga. or maybe some real crazy aphex-twin-like-brainfucker-drumcomputer shit where i am sure everybody else will get earbleed from.
i have to build a playlist just for that "my encore" chances, because i know they will come again.
so yada yada, what would crazy/cheesy stuff would you bring into a dark underground eltronic music setting not having to give fucks anymore?
EDIT: ok, i came up with something UUUUUUULTRA nice. a track, maybe in my all time top3, that by mind the most... it starts jazzy and chill. and at the 3.5min mark, something sets in that i still donnt understand what t is. break-core-ish idk man just too crazy
Venetian Snares - Hajnal
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FbJ63spk48s
wanna see the reaction in their faces ROFL aaaaaaaaaaaaahahah cant wait, i am aleaddy so excited.... guuuuuuuuuys i am coming for youuuuu!!!!

Hi everyone! :) I’m (23F) here in need of some advice since I have reached end of treatment as per my doctor’s orders. Audiogram photos attached– Left image is most recent (today) May 21st and Right is the first one I had done on May 2nd. Circles are right ear and X’s are left ear. TLDR at the end
First experienced SSHL symptoms April 26th, so 3 weeks and a half ago. Thought I was about to get sick (my parents were visiting me and were sick) and my left ear was just clogged due to congestion. After not getting “sick” figured it might be ear wax and went in a couple days after to urgent care and got my ears flushed but obviously that did nothing.
Finally got to see an ENT May 2nd so 6 days after onset. Got diagnosed SSHL on my left ear and started Prednisone 60mg the next day. Originally I was supposed to do 7 days on 60mg and then start tapering, but I ended up seeing another ENT (May 8th) who suggested I extend the 60mg for 3 more days making it 10 total and then do no tapering. That second hearing test on May 8th showed some improvement, which was great.
New doctor suggested to start steroid injections right away as well (which my first doctor never mentioned). That next day I got my first injection and was due to see him again in a week. Another hearing test that next week, very minor improvement in mid and high frequencies and did worse on lower frequencies, but my speech recognition went to 100% on both ears which is great. Did a second round of injections, he had told me max he does is 3 and that doesn’t think a third would be worth it for me.
Fast forward to today, audiogram turned out to have very very minor improvement, doctor decided it’s enough for the injections and that at this point treatment should end. It’s a bummer to me that I couldn’t fully regain my hearing with the steroid treatment, but he did say that in the next few months either maybe the inflammation goes down and hearing gets better, or my brain just continues to adjust to this, making it a bit easier to deal with. My parents are keen on me seeing another doctor, even though I tell them that someone else will just tell me the same thing, but also a part of me is curious what another doctor would think of the treatment I followed, as I have heard people doing prednisone with taper and/or for longer, or receiving multiple rounds of steroid injections whereas I only got two.
TLDR: After 10 days of 60mg Prednisone no taper and 2 rounds of injections, some improvement but still mild to moderate hearing loss in left ear (see audiogram photos) and tinnitus.
So I guess I just wanted someone’s opinion on my case, the treatment followed and odds of continuing to improve in the next few months. Today is 25 days after onset, 9 days since I went off Prednisone, and 6 days since my last injection.

Fascism has a number of essential characteristics but the most distinct is palingenetic ultranationalism: The myth that the nation is an organic body composed of a downtrodden but authentic "common people" who have been betrayed, victimized, and derived of land and money by out-groups (especially Jews, LGBT folks, immigrants, and liberals), and the nation must be reborn and grown larger, phoenix-like, from the ashes of its downtrodden state through the cleansing fire of violence against those out-groups and their allies (especially their allies among the "common people") and the seizure of their land and property, regardless of how many "common people" must be sacrificed in this process of violent "purification"
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Palingenetic_ultranationalism
Palestinian nationalism has all these definitional features. Its central myth is that "the Palestinians" (whose language, Arabic, lacks the letter P) have been betrayed, oppressed, and deprived of their land and money by Jews, and "Palestine" must be reborn and grown larger, phoenix-like, from the ashes of its current corrupt theocracy through the cleansing fire of violence against Jews, LGBT people, and liberals (especially liberal Arabs who believe in co-existence with Jews and LGBT people), and all those who support them, regardless of how many human shields, child soldiers, and hospitals with bunkers underneath them must be sacrificed in this process of purification
This Palestinian ideological mythos entirely reverses victim and perpetrator
In the real world, there is an extensive and well corroborated archeological record (starting with the Merneptah Stele) showing the continuous residence of the indigenous Jewish inhabitants in the land between the river and the sea, but that Stele alone independently establishes their presence for at least the last 3200 years
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Merneptah_Stele
In contrast, the Arab-Israeli conflict started relatively recently, with the battle of Tel Hal on March 1st 1920, when an Arab militia attacked the Jewish-owned farms at Tel Hal in an attempt to find French soldiers, eventually burning it to the ground. Prior to that there was no organized violence between Arabs and Israelis in the region:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Battle_of_Tel_Hai
The next incident in the Arab-Israel conflict was the Nebi Musa riots a month later, on April 8th 1920, when Amin al-Husayni (who later allied with the Nazis and was a big fan of Hitler) gave an incendiary speech from the balcony of the Arab Club, kicking off what resulted in an Muslim mob of around 60,000 ransacking of the Jewish quarter of Jerusalem:
https://www.palquest.org/en/historictext/6709/palin-commission-report
That's what started the war. It started with Arab people committing mob violence against Jewish people and that has never stopped to this day. Genocide is what Nazi and Communist-inspired Arab mobs and armies have repeatedly tried to do to the indigenous Jewish people of the land between the river and the sea, starting from the 1920 Nebi Musa riots, and continuing on through 1948, 1967, 1973, 1982, 1987, 2000, and most recently on October 7th
They keep trying to eradicate Jewish people off the land their ancestors lived in continuously for thousands of years, they keep getting their asses kicked every time they try it, and they deserve it every time they do
This makes sense when you understand the history of the region, and how Arab-ness was imposed by force (along with Islam) by multiple relatively historically recent waves of conquering Muslim settler-colonists
The Ottoman Empire was the culmination of those waves of Muslim settler-colonists, and after World War I it collapsed and in much of the Middle East was followed by Pan-Arab nationalism, which was a remarkably Nazi project. The founder of modern Palestinian religious nationalism (Amin al Husseini) was a close ally and personal friend of Hitler
https://time.com/4084301/hitler-grand-mufi-1941/
https://www.timesofisrael.com/full-official-record-what-the-mufti-said-to-hitle
After waging and escalating series of genocidal pogroms against the indigenous Jewish people (culminating in their alliance with the Nazis in World War II) and getting their asses kicked, Palestinian nationalism (as distinct from pan-Arab nationalism) emerged a fundamentally Soviet project
That is not an exaggeration. 100 years ago most people in the region defined themselves as Ottoman, by their village, or by their religion. Arab nationalism is a relatively new socially constructed weapon, made up by unambiguous fascists (like Sati Al-Husri, Abdulrahman Badawi, and Amin al-Husseini) and communists (like Fawaz Taraboulsi or Suhayl Idris) to mobilize hate against and justify the murder of their imperfect but much more reasonable democratic enemies (who also happened by the enemies of the Nazis and Soviets)
https://www.tabletmag.com/sections/israel-middle-east/articles/liberation-arabs-global-left
Palestinian nationalism, as opposed to Arab nationalism, was created by the KGB after the repeated defeats of the USSR's Arab-nationalist proxies in 1948 and 1967. The blueprint for the PLO Charter was drafted in Moscow in 1964 and was approved by 422 Palestinian representatives hand-selected by the KGB. At that time, the USSR was in the business of creating "people’s liberation" fronts. The KGB founded the PLO as well as the National Liberation Army of Bolivia in 1964 led by Ernesto "Che" Guevara, and the National Liberation Army of Colombia in 1965
The “Palestinian Liberation Army” was contrived by the KGB, much like the KGB devised the Bolivian National Liberation Army, Greek People's Liberation Army, Malayan National Liberation Army, etc etc. It created this Arab army in the early 1960s following the failure of the troops of various Soviet-puppet-ruled Arab states to destroy Israel. The KGB drafted the Palestinian National Charter and handpicked the 422 members of the PLO council that approved it. As the KGB's director said at the time, "We needed to instill a Nazi-style hatred for the Jews throughout the Islamic world, and to turn this weapon of the emotions into a terrorist bloodbath against Israel". Likewise, both the Palestine National Covenant and Palestinian Constitution were drafted in Moscow
https://stanfordreview.org/deception-palestinian-nationalism/
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Soviet_involvement_in_regime_change
The most popular Palestinian faction currently, Hamas, pointedly opposes multi-ethnic pluralistic democracy. That's what Israel already is and they hate it. Hamas also explicitly opposes a two-state solution, wants to expel and murder Jews, and impose an Islamic theocracy by force
The founding covenant of Hamas, which they created their terrorist organization around in 1988, opens with a message that precisely encapsulates Hamas’s master plan. Quoting Hassan al-Banna, the Egyptian founder of the Muslim Brotherhood, of which Hamas is a constituent member (Article 2), the document proclaims, “Israel will exist and will continue to exist until Islam will obliterate it, just as it obliterated others before it.”
After some general explanatory language about Hamas’s religious foundation and noble intentions, the covenant comes to the Islamic Resistance Movement’s raison d’être: the slaughter of Jews. “The Day of Judgement will not come about,” it proclaims, “until Moslems fight the Jews, when the Jew will hide behind stones and trees. The stones and trees will say O Moslems, O Abdulla, there is a Jew behind me, come and k-ll him.”
Article 11 spells out why this annihilation of Jews is required. Palestine is described as an “Islamic Waqf”—an endowment predicated on Muslim religious, education, or charitable principles and therefore inviolate to any other peoples or religions. Accordingly, the territory that now encompasses Israel, Gaza, and the West Bank is:

consecrated for future Moslem generations until Judgement Day. It, or any part of it, should not be squandered: it, or any part of it, should not be given up … This Waqf remains as long as earth and heaven remain. Any procedure in contradiction to Islamic Sharia, where Palestine is concerned, is null and void.

In sum, any compromise over this land, including the moribund two-state solution, much less coexistence among faiths and peoples, is forbidden.
https://web.archive.org/web/20231010215457/https://www.theatlantic.com/international/archive/2023/10/hamas-covenant-israel-attack-war-genocide/675602/
And Hamas has the support of somewhere between 65-80% of the Palestinian people
https://www.awrad.org/en/article/10719/Wartime-Poll-Results-of-an-Opinion-Poll-Among-Palestinians-in-the-West-Bank-and-Gaza-Strip
To understand the Palestinian strategy in this latest phase of their forever war, see here:
How Hamas Uses Civilians as a Weapon - The Dark Side of Clausewitzian War
https://deadcarl.substack.com/p/how-hamas-uses-civilians-as-a-weapon
Both Palestinian leadership and street have repeatedly acting as willing pawns, first of the Nazis, then of the Soviets, and now of the contemporary fascist Axis that includes Russia, China, and Iran. The historical Palestinian embrace of Nazi, Soviet, Islamist, and modern Axis fascism (and their rejection of democracy and equal rights) only makes their rationale for doing do so, and the nature of their project, more clear
Palestinian-ism is fascist, and everyone who understands and opposes fascism should oppose it
A contextual note: I am not Jewish or Israeli. My closest relatives in the region are from a bit north of there. None of this should need to be said. The content in this article should be obvious, and generally is obvious to those with relevant experience on the ground. Unfortunately we live in a world where disinformation drowns out accurate historical context so apparently this needs to be said once again