So I'm not sure where to post this exactly because my flu test was negative-- but I had whatever other virus from hell is going around the US right now a couple of weeks ago. It started with body aches and chills and a horrible headache-- that lasted a few days, and then congestion joined the party. After a while the body aches and headache went away but the congestion stayed and last week I noticed my tonsils were swollen and covered in white patches and I had a sore throat and swollen lymph nodes. I have been to the doctor and they prescribed me antibiotics to see if that did anything for the tonsils. I haven't had a fever this entire time, but I have had night sweats and I still have them. Has anyone else experienced anything similar? I'm so sick of this

27 female UK - got dysautonomia (really bad heart symptoms) and gastroperisis (bad digestive symptoms) - 2 central nervous system disorders, from REALLY MILD COVID 2 years ago.
I've now been dealing with quite severe COVID for 7 days now. More than just cold symptoms. Arms going numb, visual hallucinations (I've never had these), in and out of fever like nightmare dreams, can't sleep for more than 6 hours, fever was 38.4 on the 6th day but not at the moment, conjunctivitis, headache that hasn't gone the whole time but was really severe day 3/4, teeth have killed for a week like all of them are so painful only co-dydramol is helping, can't stop blowing nose like 2 box of tissues in one day, cough becoming painful. Had worst sore throat, that's fine now though but has turned into painful cough, short of breath at times.
What's concerning me is the non-cold like symptoms, none of which my friend has. I.E conjunctivitis, arms going numb, hallucinations. Plus, the high fever so late into it on day 6. The fact I'm not getting better, wake up day 7 with conjunctivitis and friend has already completely cleared COVID, never got conjunctivitis or severe runny nose/headaches etc.
My friend caught it same time, and at day 5 she was better, no signs of it now - at day 7 I'm just getting worse. She had it much milder than me from the start, but we caught it at the same place the same night, fell ill the same day a few days after, but she likened it to a cold whereas I feel like it's literally attacking most parts of me, going deeper than a usual cold. Her teeth never hurt, she never got numb arms, or anything. I've done a lot more to get better, she was eating fish and chips, drinking alcohol, not taking vitamins, and she's fine now. Ive been eating mostly just fruit and veg, drinking electrolytes with vitamins in, zinc lozenges every 5 hours, taking 3 different vitamins throughout the day, tumeric tea, ginger shots, vaporrub on chest etc (for nose and head). And I'm actually getting WORSE on day 7.

27 female UK - got dysautonomia (really bad heart symptoms) and gastroperisis (really bad digestives symptoms) - 2 central nervous system disorders, from REALLY MILD COVID 2 years ago.
I've been dealing with severe COVID for 7 days now. Arms going numb, visual hallucinations (I've never had these), in and out of fever like nightmare dreams, can't sleep for more than 6 hours, fever was 38.4 on the 6th day but not at the moment, conjunctivitis, headache that hasn't gone the whole time but was really severe day 3/4, teeth have killed for a week like all of them are so painful only co-dydramol is helping, can't stop blowing nose like 2 box of tissues in one day, cough becoming painful. Had worst sore throat, that's fine now though but has turned into painful cough, short of breath at times.
What's concerning me is the non-cold like symptoms, none of which my friend has. I.E conjunctivitis, arms going numb, hallucinations. Plus, the high fever so late into it. The fact I'm not getting better, wake up day 7 with conjunctivitis and she has completely cleared COVID, never got conjunctivitis or severe runny nose/headaches etc.
My friend caught it same time, and at day 5 she was better, no signs of it now - at day 7 I'm just getting worse. She seemed to have it much milder than me from the start, but we caught it at the same place the same night, fell ill the same day a few days after, but she likened it to a cold whereas I feel like it's literally attacking most parts of me (I wish it just felt like a cold, lol.) I've done a lot more to get better, she was eating fish and chips, drinking alcohol, not taking vitamins etc. ive been eating mostly just fruit and veg, drinking electrolytes with vitamins in, zinc lozenges every 5 hours, taking 3 different vitamins throughout the day, tumeric tea, ginger shots, vaporrub on chest etc (for nose and head).

Swollen tongue with cold symptoms
28F, 5’8”, 145lbs. Never smoked, no drinking or drugs.
UCTD (treated as lupus) Selective IGM deficiency. daily medications: plaquenil, Keflex, and adderall.
Hi! I’m having a bit of a panic because my frequent common cold has come with a fun new symptom: swollen, sore tongue.
I catch a cold once a month, maybe every 2 months. And it’s always pretty standard. Sore throat, cough, insanely runny nose, high fever, malaise, headache. Dayquill and 2 days off takes care of me.
I started getting my normal symptoms yesterday morning, and by last night it was full blown. This morning however, I noticed my tongue doesn’t fit in my teeth anymore. Ive trained myself to rest my tongue in my lower jaw because I have an overbite and I don’t want to make it worse. But today my tongue doesn’t fit in either my upper or lower jaw. Also, the sides are very sore, like when you eat too much sour candy. It isn’t causing any difficulty breathing but i literally can’t close my teeth and it’s exacerbated my sore, dry throat.
I’ve been taking dayquill and added in naproxen when the fever stopped declining (highest has been 103.1 and won’t go lower than 101) I took a Zyrtec when it was suggested by the minute clinic that the tongue thing could be an unrelated allergy; but it hasn’t gotten any better.
I tested negative for strep, flu, and Covid.
I had an uncomplicated wisdom tooth removal 4 days ago; and have had no pain, swelling, bleeding, or sign of infection since. But I wanted to add in case that’s relevant.

Synopsis:
An engineer in another world—blending science and magic to achieve greatness in a world where skills and levels reign supreme.
—
Ethan was just a plain old engineer, but everything changed when he was reborn into a world of skills, levels, and magic. With his advanced knowledge far ahead of the time period he finds himself in, this new reincarnated life will be much different than his last, especially because he can construct, deconstruct, and reconstruct runes—something no one else can do.
But with royal politics, looming tax collectors, a mountain of debt, dungeon incursions, cults, and hostile fantasy races mixing together into a cocktail of bullshit that threatens to bury his dreams; Ethan must bridge the gap between steel and sorcery to grow stronger. — Runecrafting is slow burn. — What to Expect: - Weak to very strong progression - Hardcore wish fulfillment - A balance of action, kingdom building, and runecrafting. - MC will trigger an industrial revolution, revolutionize magic, modernize agriculture, communication, commerce, textile production, education, transportation, sanitation, weapons manufacturing, leisure & entertainment, and medicine.
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Chapter 04

-1-
Ethan's heart thumped in his throat as he looked at the arrow's head glinting. Fortunately, Roland had grabbed it in an instant. The arrow hadn't hit Ethan, and it likely wouldn't have. Roland threw the arrow aside as Ethan heard a muffled grunt and glanced out the window to the right. An arrow had pierced the side of their driver, right between the shoulder and chest. Ethan whipped back into his seat just as another projectile smashed against the other side of their carriage, denting it. Roland immediately stood up with a calm demeanor and unsheathed his sword. "Lord Theodore, please remain seated. This inconvenience will be dealt with shortly."
Ethan blinked up, nodded, and clasped his hands around his knee while resting his head against the window ledge as Roland got out. Situations such as this weren't anything he'd ever dealt with back on earth, but he had plenty of experience keeping himself in check when fear took hold. He'd been a boxer, after all. Ethan tapped his finger on his knee, again and again.
"Die, you shits!" a voice yelled, then a meaty crash was followed by a pained groan. It was clearly someone falling over. Moments later, footsteps approached from the other side. A man swung the carriage door open. "Get—"
Before he could say much else, a sword pierced through his chest. He slumped and hit the ground without a word, revealing Roland standing with a blank expression. His eyes were different than anything Ethan had seen since his transmigration—Roland looked nonchalant even after taking a life, which was understandable given that the man had likely taken a lot of lives. Ethan closed his eyes, refusing to look at the dead body.
More footsteps grew nearer. Two sets. They stopped beside their carriage. "Well fuck, what a piece of trash." one man said, then lurched at Roland with a bloody shout.
The fight was over in an instant.
Roland simply disappeared from his position before Ethan. Reappearing behind the two bandits flanking him, he delivered an equally lethal strike to each in turn. Simultaneously, a sharp crackling and whooshing sound made Ethan tense. Spreading out on the floor before the carriage, a dark blue magical glyph buzzed like electricity, sending sparks of electricity slamming into the bandits.
Then, the bandits' bodies split in two halves, their blood sprayed across the dirt before they even began collapsing with electricity sizzling on their bodies.
Just as he'd felt movement in the air through [Magic Perception], a man materialized right in front of Ethan. Tensing, Ethan didn't know what to do
Roland shouted from outside. Adrenaline rocketed through Ethan's veins. Hand moving, he grabbed the bandit's hand and twisted it. The bandit tackled him, and with the tight space, Ethan felt the tip of a knife nicking the side of his cheek. The wound stung badly, and with it, Ethan's mind blanked and his instincts kicked in.
Roland swiftly spun, but not in time to stop the man from pinning Ethan against the bench.
However, it wasn't needed. Ethan used [Elemental Spells] and summoned fire all over his palms. A sizzling sound erupted as the bandit cried out and went for Ethan's eyes with his free hand. Ethan bit the bandit's hand, and only got half a mouthful of skin and cloth. The bandit reeled back and leapt backward from the sudden burning pain, crying out as he crashed. Ethan lunged at him, grabbed and force-flipped the bandit's hand, and plunged the knife into his throat with an aggressive grunt. There was a short, gurgled cry, before the bandit tried swinging the knife towards him. "Cunt... bastard..." his bloody mouth formed the words, his eyes staring fearfully, but Ethan pushed the knife aggressively.
Blood sprayed and gushed onto Ethan's mouth.
Then, finally, the man stilled.
The corpse's weight fell onto Ethan, hot blood spilling out of the bandit's throat and filling the air with an acrid odor. Ethan felt it on his face. Hot. Metallic smell. He saw it dripping down the bandit's throat, all across his clothes, even in his hair. It was heavy, almost. Layer upon layer, the heavy cloak of the man's life weighting down on his spirit.
System notifications flashed but he ignored it given that bile rose in Ethan's throat. His vision darkened, and a rush of blood roared in his ear as his heart thumped like thunder. A violent urge to vomit rose within him, his entire body twitching. He had never seen a man die in front of him like this before. Disgusting as it was, he gulped everything down, even the reality he had found himself in, the death, the violence, it all set in at that moment. However, he had no time to delve on it. Even though he felt like someone had squeezed his windpipe, like a bullet was tearing through his skin, he needed to act. Now.
Ethan flipped the man aside and sat on his knees, pulling out the knife from the bandit's neck. From his place on the ground, he glanced at Roland engaged with three bandits.
One slipped past Roland and made it to Ethan. They're trying to get a hand on me. Why? The answer was simple. Oh, right... I'm a noble, they can just put a knife on my throat and demand shit...
Instead of giving the bandit the upper hand, Ethan took a breath. Once. Twice. Now or never, thinking so, he raised the knife and dove headfirst toward the approaching enemy. Caught by surprise, the bandit merely moved his free hand to counter attack. His fingers grasping the bandit's arm, he twisted it away, giving him room to go straight for the eye.
With a meaty sound, Ethan plunged the knife through the man's eyes. Blood spurted with a slick sound. The bandit wasn't fast enough to make a full reaction, as a sort of instinctive scream of terror got stuck halfway and died out. Then, as the feeling of having ended another life settled within him, Ethan retracted the dagger and stepped back. His back slamming against the carriage, he slid down and pressed a hand against his forehead. His cheek hurt. He smelled sweat and blood.
Fuck... Fuck... Breathe. This is... I can't... Breathe.
A chill ran down his spine and his heartbeat roared. He took a breath, adrenaline still surging through his veins. The sick feeling didn't leave his stomach, his entire body twitched as if electrocuted every once in a while, and his eyes started going hazy, unclear. Black spots in his field of vision. Sticky warmth all over. Hot metallic odor in his nostrils.
"Lord Theodore!" Roland's voice acted as a way for Ethan to reorient himself into reality. Roland looked ashen, not because he was tired but most likely because he'd let Ethan get into such a vulnerable position. Roland glanced at the corpse, then Ethan, then back at the corpse again, looking tense, lips tight and hands clutched into fists. "Are you alright, my lord?"
"Yes, of course," Ethan said as he studied the wound on his cheek. I need a healing skill. However, he noticed the visible distressed Roland was having and continued. "I'm fine. Don't worry. It's no big deal. For the moment, we need to clean up this mess."
Ethan could tell Roland was uncomfortable with the situation and Ethan's complete indifference, but the warrior dutifully obeyed his lord's commands. Ethan slumped onto his seat and looked through the notifications.
Your race, [Human], has leveled up — Lvl 0 -> Lvl 1!
Your class, [Mage], has level up — Lvl 0 -> Lvl 1!
[Unranked Mage] -> [Initiate]
[Elemental Spells] — Lvl 5 -> Lvl 6!
A [Quest] approaches!
Hmm, this is the second time I see the message 'A [Quest] approaches'... What is it? Why doesn't the system just give me the [Quest]? Are there conditions? Regardless, it seems that [Elemental Spells] just needed some use in battle instead of just plain old practice. Curious.
Ethan leaned back with a sigh. Now that his heartbeat wasn't drumming in his ear, the fear slowly ebbed away. All things considered, this turned out well, given the situation. However, now that he'd calmed somewhat, his eyes landed on the corpse right beside him, and that fresh scarlet blood seeping into the floorboards. The heavy coppery scent, the unmistakable smell of death. It all came crashing into him and he could no longer deny what he'd done. It had all gone so quickly.
No theatrics, the knife had just flown in, and the bandit had struggled, then stopped struggling.
Ethan stared at the corpses. With his hands on his lap, he gazed vacantly. For a single, stretched-out moment, the only thing he was aware of were the lifeless bodies right next to him, the sensation of having one less enemy standing in the way. One of the bandits had his jugular slashed. Another had a knife poking into his eyes. Ethan had killed them. Him. It was nauseatingly easy, taking another's life. It felt good. Ethan was disgusted at that thought, but damn did it feel good. I—I... I won. He wanted to grin, but he didn't.
Soon, the bandits were dealt with. Not a minute was wasted, and they cleaned up and got moving in a hurry, before Roland could throw the corpse inside the carriage out, Ethan stopped him.
He'd been staring at it, sitting there, silently. Bile would rise to the tip of his throat before he'd swallow it, a stone in his gut making his movements stiff. It felt unreal. When he took that step to make sure the bandit was dead, his eyes met with those of the corpse—with glassy black pupils that appeared frozen mid-realization that he was dying. Fearful, horrified eyes. Human eyes. Ethan stared into them, felt every fiber of his body clench, saw the smears of blood across the man's mouth where his desperate breaths had made him cough up, to live.
Ethan stared, not because he was a masochist or someone who derived pleasure from other people's misery. Rather, it was because he wanted this to never happen again. His reaction. It hadn't been optimal. He just knew he'd need to kill and spill blood if he was to survive, and thus, he needed to familiarize himself with the sight of death—death caused by his hands.
His thoughts were a little less orderly than he liked. That needed to change, fast. It would always be a burden, so he simply chose to stare, knowing he was staring down his weakness—at his fear.
After a solid five minutes, Ethan turned around. Roland's gaze met Ethan's. For a brief moment, the gaze was averted, the warrior showing clear guilt. Ethan placed a hand on the man's shoulder. "Roland, don't blame yourself. I understand you must have felt cornered and unable to react. Just know I appreciate you. Don't beat yourself up for it. There have been no casualties on our side."
Roland bowed his head. Ethan smiled, though it was strained. Roland had been standing there for a while now but hadn't wanted to interrupt Ethan's self-reflection time, despite being tense himself. The guards had burned the corpses. Soon, the men Ethan killed were taken out, too. Then they left for the woods.
A guard who appeared to be a [Mage] that had a spell called [Cleanse] walked to the carriage, and placed his hands near the gore-splattered interior. In mere moments, a rune flickered into existence, then, mana got sucked out of the guard, seeping into the rune—soon, the blood and even the smells were swept clean and everything returned to being a neat and tidy.
The guard staggered a little before his comrades stabilized him. Must be quite demanding, Ethan noted, nodding appreciatively as the guard stepped out of the carriage. "That's quite the useful skill," Ethan said, examining the results.
Roland gave a silent nod, no doubt feeling pretty damn bad about his failure.
The guard, on the other hand, bowed with a smile, clearly appreciating Ethan's recognition. "It's a pleasure to be of service, my lord. This humble guard has had this skill ever since he became a mage."
Ethan made an impressed noise. "I see."
The guard beamed, then bowed even more before walking over to his fellow guards, who patted his backs at a job well done. Then, the horses pulled the carriage, and the carriage resumed moving. As soon as his back had settled into the cushion of the seat, an exhausting wave rolled over Ethan's body.
Before everything, however. I saw the rune. Ethan grinned a little, then willed mana into the shape of the rune.
It sputtered.
Ethan tried again, connecting different parts of the rune. One. Two. Three. Four. And as the rune sputtered again.
Throughout the journey to Deadwoods, Ethan kept at it.
He failed every time—
—and he didn't know why.
An immense headache assaulted him, and he had to stop his attempts.
-2-
The Deadwoods proved to be just what he'd expected. Dead. Charred branches and crumbling trees lay spread throughout. Roland looked around solemnly. Ethan was more interested in what kept this place the way it was. This land was, to put it simply, the most horrific location in the entire barony. It was a huge portion of a forest that appeared to be dead, thus why it had gotten the name Deadwoods.
Leaves crunched underneath Ethan's feet, and he studied his surroundings with morbid curiosity. The trees, branches and leaves were all dark in color as if something had scorched them. Many creatures lived here, animals like the usual game of deer, wolves, and foxes and sometimes there'd even been bears spotted. The dangerous thing, however, wasn't that the animals existed, it was that they were magical beasts. Mutants.
"Lord Theodore," Roland said, hand on his sword, eyes darting around in caution. "It is dangerous to be here—"
"Peh." Ethan waved his hand nonchalantly, much to Roland's shock at such an uncharacteristic behavior. "It will be worth it."
After all, I'm gonna have fun hunting monsters, leveling up, and finally, finally finding some goddamn tree ash.
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Patreon Discord

(F20) I will try my best to keep this as short and to the point. My mom got sick a couple of weeks ago and I got sick starting 3 days ago after visiting a relatives house.
I have been struggling to breathe, gasping for air, walking even 2 steps winds me and I have to recover, coughing up mucus, throwing up, nausea, not eating, chest pain, back pain, cough, diarrhea, throat pain, headache, stomach pain, everything but a fever (as far as I'm aware. I didn't keep checking)
On Saturday I woke up literally gasping for air with 8/10 chest pain. I went to the ER and got 2 antibiotics. Had tests done and came back with pneumonia. I went home. Continued to struggle while waiting for antibiotics to kick in and I kept taking a bunch of meds my mom suggested (sudafed, mucinex, ibuprofen, Tylenol, vaporub etc) but nothing helped and she wouldn't really believe me.
I kept struggling and groaning in pain and while walking so much that my dad kept yelling at me to shut up about it and told me to get out, cussing me out and then he called out of work and told my mom he's not going to work because of me. Then I started feeling really sorry.
On Monday its been 3 days of taking antibiotics and I am still gasping for breath. I called my PCP’s Nurse hotline and she basically was threatening (not really but just very concerned) to call me an ambulance but I know that would make my mom very angry.
The nurse had me straight up give my phone to my mom to try to convince her to take me to the hospital but my mom was not having it. I'm aware and sympathetic that she is feeling sick as well, but at least she was breathing and able to sleep. I was constantly gasping for air, but since I could get out sentences sometimes she did not believe me. I eventually stopped being able to get out sentences. I seriously don't know how to get anyone to take me seriously.
She took me to the hospital very mad and frustrated and it showed and I felt more sorry and I just kept apologizing. She said that she will quit her job and that she should just quit. She started screaming and stomping. (F50) (she has PTO, I don't, so I will not be getting anything) (she also submitted my medical papers for her to miss work)
I kept telling her she doesn't have to take me and I will find someone else but she insisted but continued to keep blowing up on me.
I go and wait for about 4 hours then I come back with asthma and bronchitis with the pneumonia. I didn't know I had asthma prior. They sent me 6 medications to take.
I can now breathe currently after respiratory therapy. I'm still nauseous and in pain though.
We got home and I apologized to her, then she started yelling at me and then I cried (I always cry because I'm weak and sensitive) and then she says I need to go to a crisis center, get help, get back on my medication (I got off of it because it was messing up my body. Now I'm only just in therapy) and that my depression is ruining her mental health. I continued to cry and I called my sister then my sister told me how she's tired of hearing from us (my parents get drunk every night and they got drunk a couple nights ago and had a nasty fight and I was also targeted because my mom overheard me crying in my room because they were fighting long story)
My sister says she understands how my mom feels.
My mom denies anything that I say that she has ever said or done, even if they said or done that thing 3 seconds before. She blacks out and scares me.
I don't know how else I was supposed to get to the hospital besides calling an ambulance because she would be mad then. But I couldn't call anyone else for help (I don't have anyone) and the nurse wouldn't send me a ride because my condition was too severe I guess.
She only takes about herself and how I affect her and I feel like garbage for it.
She didn't stay with me or anything, just dropped me off and picked me up. There isn't an ER in my network that is nearby in walking distance.

(F20) I will try my best to keep this as short and to the point. My mom got sick a couple of weeks ago and I got sick starting 3 days ago after visiting a relatives house.
I have been struggling to breathe, gasping for air, walking even 2 steps winds me and I have to recover, coughing up mucus, throwing up, nausea, not eating, chest pain, back pain, cough, diarrhea, throat pain, headache, stomach pain, everything but a fever (as far as I'm aware. I didn't keep checking)
On Saturday I woke up literally gasping for air with 8/10 chest pain. I went to the ER and got 2 antibiotics. Had tests done and came back with pneumonia. I went home. Continued to struggle while waiting for antibiotics to kick in and I kept taking a bunch of meds my mom suggested (sudafed, mucinex, ibuprofen, Tylenol, vaporub etc) but nothing helped and she wouldn't really believe me.
I kept struggling and groaning in pain and while walking so much that my dad kept yelling at me to shut up about it and told me to get out, cussing me out and then he called out of work and told my mom he's not going to work because of me. Then I started feeling really sorry.
On Monday its been 3 days of taking antibiotics and I am still gasping for breath. I called my PCP’s Nurse hotline and she basically was threatening (not really but just very concerned) to call me an ambulance but I know that would make my mom very angry.
The nurse had me straight up give my phone to my mom to try to convince her to take me to the hospital but my mom was not having it. I'm aware and sympathetic that she is feeling sick as well, but at least she was breathing and able to sleep. I was constantly gasping for air, but since I could get out sentences sometimes she did not believe me. I eventually stopped being able to get out sentences. I seriously don't know how to get anyone to take me seriously.
She took me to the hospital very mad and frustrated and it showed and I felt more sorry and I just kept apologizing. She said that she will quit her job and that she should just quit. She started screaming and stomping. (F50) (she has PTO, I don't, so I will not be getting anything) (she also submitted my medical papers for her to miss work)
I kept telling her she doesn't have to take me and I will find someone else but she insisted but continued to keep blowing up on me.
I go and wait for about 4 hours then I come back with asthma and bronchitis with the pneumonia. I didn't know I had asthma prior. They sent me 6 medications to take.
I can now breathe currently after respiratory therapy. I'm still nauseous and in pain though.
We got home and I apologized to her, then she started yelling at me and then I cried (I always cry because I'm weak and sensitive) and then she says I need to go to a crisis center, get help, get back on my medication (I got off of it because it was messing up my body. Now I'm only just in therapy) and that my depression is ruining her mental health. I continued to cry and I called my sister then my sister told me how she's tired of hearing from us (my parents get drunk every night and they got drunk a couple nights ago and had a nasty fight and I was also targeted because my mom overheard me crying in my room because they were fighting long story)
My sister says she understands how my mom feels.
My mom denies anything that I say that she has ever said or done, even if they said or done that thing 3 seconds before. She blacks out and scares me.
I don't know how else I was supposed to get to the hospital besides calling an ambulance because she would be mad then. But I couldn't call anyone else for help (I don't have anyone) and the nurse wouldn't send me a ride because my condition was too severe I guess.
She only takes about herself and how I affect her and I feel like garbage for it.
She didn't stay with me or anything, just dropped me off and picked me up. There isn't an ER in my network that is nearby in walking distance.

(F20) I will try my best to keep this as short and to the point. My mom got sick a couple of weeks ago and I got sick starting 3 days ago after visiting a relatives house.
I have been struggling to breathe, gasping for air, walking even 2 steps winds me and I have to recover, coughing up mucus, throwing up, nausea, not eating, chest pain, back pain, cough, diarrhea, throat pain, headache, stomach pain, everything but a fever (as far as I'm aware. I didn't keep checking)
On Saturday I woke up literally gasping for air with 8/10 chest pain. I went to the ER and got 2 antibiotics. Had tests done and came back with pneumonia. I went home. Continued to struggle while waiting for antibiotics to kick in and I kept taking a bunch of meds my mom suggested (sudafed, mucinex, ibuprofen, Tylenol, vaporub etc) but nothing helped and she wouldn't really believe me.
I kept struggling and groaning in pain and while walking so much that my dad kept yelling at me to shut up about it and told me to get out, cussing me out and then he called out of work and told my mom he's not going to work because of me. Then I started feeling really sorry.
On Monday its been 3 days of taking antibiotics and I am still gasping for breath. I called my PCP’s Nurse hotline and she basically was threatening (not really but just very concerned) to call me an ambulance but I know that would make my mom very angry.
The nurse had me straight up give my phone to my mom to try to convince her to take me to the hospital but my mom was not having it. I'm aware and sympathetic that she is feeling sick as well, but at least she was breathing and able to sleep. I was constantly gasping for air, but since I could get out sentences sometimes she did not believe me. I eventually stopped being able to get out sentences. I seriously don't know how to get anyone to take me seriously.
She took me to the hospital very mad and frustrated and it showed and I felt more sorry and I just kept apologizing. She said that she will quit her job and that she should just quit. She started screaming and stomping. (F50) (she has PTO, I don't, so I will not be getting anything) (she also submitted my medical papers for her to miss work)
I kept telling her she doesn't have to take me and I will find someone else but she insisted but continued to keep blowing up on me.
I go and wait for about 4 hours then I come back with asthma and bronchitis with the pneumonia. I didn't know I had asthma prior. They sent me 6 medications to take.
I can now breathe currently after respiratory therapy. I'm still nauseous and in pain though.
We got home and I apologized to her, then she started yelling at me and then I cried (I always cry because I'm weak and sensitive) and then she says I need to go to a crisis center, get help, get back on my medication (I got off of it because it was messing up my body. Now I'm only just in therapy) and that my depression is ruining her mental health. I continued to cry and I called my sister then my sister told me how she's tired of hearing from us (my parents get drunk every night and they got drunk a couple nights ago and had a nasty fight and I was also targeted because my mom overheard me crying in my room because they were fighting long story)
My sister says she understands how my mom feels.
My mom denies anything that I say that she has ever said or done, even if they said or done that thing 3 seconds before. She blacks out and scares me.
I don't know how else I was supposed to get to the hospital besides calling an ambulance because she would be mad then. But I couldn't call anyone else for help (I don't have anyone) and the nurse wouldn't send me a ride because my condition was too severe I guess.
She only takes about herself and how I affect her and I feel like garbage for it.
She didn't stay with me or anything, just dropped me off and picked me up. There isn't an ER in my network that is nearby in walking distance.

(F20) I will try my best to keep this as short and to the point. My mom got sick a couple of weeks ago and I got sick starting 3 days ago after visiting a relatives house.
I have been struggling to breathe, gasping for air, walking even 2 steps winds me and I have to recover, coughing up mucus, throwing up, nausea, not eating, chest pain, back pain, cough, diarrhea, throat pain, headache, stomach pain, everything but a fever (as far as I'm aware. I didn't keep checking)
On Saturday I woke up literally gasping for air with 8/10 chest pain. I went to the ER and got 2 antibiotics. Had tests done and came back with pneumonia. I went home. Continued to struggle while waiting for antibiotics to kick in and I kept taking a bunch of meds my mom suggested (sudafed, mucinex, ibuprofen, Tylenol, vaporub etc) but nothing helped and she wouldn't really believe me.
I kept struggling and groaning in pain and while walking so much that my dad kept yelling at me to shut up about it and told me to get out, cussing me out and then he called out of work and told my mom he's not going to work because of me. Then I started feeling really sorry.
On Monday its been 3 days of taking antibiotics and I am still gasping for breath. I called my PCP’s Nurse hotline and she basically was threatening (not really but just very concerned) to call me an ambulance but I know that would make my mom very angry.
The nurse had me straight up give my phone to my mom to try to convince her to take me to the hospital but my mom was not having it. I'm aware and sympathetic that she is feeling sick as well, but at least she was breathing and able to sleep. I was constantly gasping for air, but since I could get out sentences sometimes she did not believe me. I eventually stopped being able to get out sentences. I seriously don't know how to get anyone to take me seriously.
She took me to the hospital very mad and frustrated and it showed and I felt more sorry and I just kept apologizing. She said that she will quit her job and that she should just quit. She started screaming and stomping. (F50) (she has PTO, I don't, so I will not be getting anything) (she also submitted my medical papers for her to miss work)
I kept telling her she doesn't have to take me and I will find someone else but she insisted but continued to keep blowing up on me.
I go and wait for about 4 hours then I come back with asthma and bronchitis with the pneumonia. I didn't know I had asthma prior. They sent me 6 medications to take.
I can now breathe currently after respiratory therapy. I'm still nauseous and in pain though.
We got home and I apologized to her, then she started yelling at me and then I cried (I always cry because I'm weak and sensitive) and then she says I need to go to a crisis center, get help, get back on my medication (I got off of it because it was messing up my body. Now I'm only just in therapy) and that my depression is ruining her mental health. I continued to cry and I called my sister then my sister told me how she's tired of hearing from us (my parents get drunk every night and they got drunk a couple nights ago and had a nasty fight and I was also targeted because my mom overheard me crying in my room because they were fighting long story)
My sister says she understands how my mom feels.
My mom denies anything that I say that she has ever said or done, even if they said or done that thing 3 seconds before. She blacks out and scares me.
I don't know how else I was supposed to get to the hospital besides calling an ambulance because she would be mad then. But I couldn't call anyone else for help (I don't have anyone) and the nurse wouldn't send me a ride because my condition was too severe I guess.
She only takes about herself and how I affect her and I feel like garbage for it.

19F, 172cm, 66kg, on Qlaira, no underlying health conditions, don't smoke, barely drink.
I've been having a mild cough since a couple of days, it's worse at night. Yesterday I went on a trip but was very short of breath and didn't feel great (headache, shortness of breath, chills, exhausted). This morning I woke up with a lot of pain in my throat and the feeling like something was "obstructing" it very klein my throat/chest area. I could breathe but it just felt like a large chunk of food or something. So I started coughing and coughed up a very hard chunk of green stuff, ever since I've been coughing up chunks of it every time I cough, sometimes hard sometimes not. It smells and tastes horrible and makes me gag, and I need to spit it out. I need to go on a trip with my college class today to Friday. Is there anything I can do to stop this? It's highly embarrassing. And also, should I let a doctor know?

I tested negative again after 9 moths with oraquick.
Symptoms getting worse.
Night sweats Diarrhea and vomit Tonsils infection Canker sores White tongue Fatigue Vaginal itch Chest rashes/postules Fever Chills

Hey guys.
Been trying to find answers about this around online, but keep find articles upon articles of quitting cold turkey. However, for almost the past two weeks I've been taking a slower approach to quitting, and am being anxious about it due to random symptoms.
Quick backstory:
Past few months, was eyeing finally quitting. Been vaping for about 3 years, and noticed I had gotten to the point where I was taking a puff literally every 5-10 minutes...too easy access to just snatch it while gaming, mindlessly puffing away. Was going through 80%-100% of a Vuze pod every day on average, and that trend lasted about 6 months.
Couple weeks ago I had a somewhat related event that led to me pulling the trigger. It was slightly unrelated, but gave me the "dang...I need to ditch that too." motivation. Basically long story short, got ahold of a bad delta8 pen, and it spiraled into horrendous symptoms for two days that almost landed me in the ER. BUT the symptoms gave me anxiety about nicotine vape too, so I figured "alright...it's time. It all goes, before you end up going instead."
But I was afraid of going cold turkey, so instead I've been doing a heavy weening.
I went from the above 80-100% of a vuze pod, down to now about 20% of a pod per day on average. Today was even less...woke up this morning with only about 10% of the pod remaining, and it's still got a few drops in it after a full day.
So overall still motivated. Figure after this week, I'm going to try the cold turkey route. At that point I would be having so little per day that it'd be moot to continue it.
However what worries me:
I've got a doctor's appointment to go over this stuff too, so don't think I'm trying to WebMD this...but it would be helpful to get some personal stories too, if anyone else has experienced this.
My biggest worry at this point is "Am I quitting too late? Is something majorly wrong with me and what I felt a couple weeks ago that started this whole thing wasn't a delta8 pen, but rather something more serious like cancer or vape-related lung injuries?"
I've also got other possible causes in mind that I'm trying to either support theory on or eliminate. I moved back into my mother's place in September to help her after my dad passed away. There's some mold in the house that we are cleaning out, so I fear exposure to that could be a cause. Then also this is my first Spring living here in over 8 years. So I also wonder if these symptoms could be me readjusting the pollen here. I also drastically cut back on drinking over the past month...went from being able to have a full bottle of sake or wine any given night to now I won't drink anything over the level of a hard seltzer.
So basically I got slapped with "Too many variables changed, and too many possible unknown variables in the mix, and now I'm wondering if something's actually wrong with me, or it's just things to push through."
Symptoms that I have been feeling:

• Stiffness in my lungs some mornings. Will wake up and just feel a general tightness deep in my chest. Not like hypertension tightness, as I know what that one feels like. I'm talking deeper...like inhaling and you feel some achy resistance to the deep breath. I have no problem holding my breath once I get a full deep breath in, but it's just annoying that that feeling lasts for a few hours...sometimes all day. It's almost like the lungs being stuck together or tacky...like when you have wet elmer's glue on your fingers and try pulling them apart.
  • Is this supposed to happen this shortly after cutting back (stressing/highlighting that, to remind that this wasn't a cold turkey quit...just slammed on the brakes over the course of a week, but still hitting here and there daily). I knew that this type of feeling would come eventually, but most places online said it was more like week 2 and 3, maybe 4, because your lungs essentially start cleaning themselves off, operating more efficiently, etc. and some of the feeling is even your own mind getting used to your lungs controlling themselves at fuller capacity.
  • But this happened on week one for me...is that normal?
• Neck stiffness all over. Similar to when you're getting over a cold, it's like my lymphnodes are quite angry with me right now. Have felt a general soreness all the way up and down the left and right side of my neck along where doctors normally poke when they're checking your nodes. I've also felt stiffness in the back of my neck, radiating up my head around my ear, leading to my temple...this one's a bit more explainable I think, as that sounds like a tension headache, which is to be expected with nic withdrawal. My main concern has been the lymphnode areas being sore, because that can also be indicative of more than just withdrawal symptoms (lung infection or, worse, cancer).
• Phlegm, but from my nasal passages? Similar to the above: Like getting over a cold, you hit that point where your sinuses drain...but I didn't expect it with this. I keep feeling lumps of phlegm go down my throat when I sniffle sometimes. I expected it to happen with the lungs and I'd cough up phlegm (that hasn't started yet), but the nasal passages?
• "Waking Drowning": Some nights lately when I go to bed, Soon after I fall asleep, I snap awake gasping for air with my heart racing. Usually within the first 5-10 minutes of falling asleep. Lately this has led to a couple sleepless nights. Although I'm rational enough night-to-night to not fear falling asleep over it just because it happened the previous night, once it happens the first time on a given night, THEN I become afraid to fall asleep for that night.
• A feeling of physical disconnection: This one may be caused by the neck stiffness, but some days I wake up and I feel like my head is actually detached from my neck and just floating there. It's weird...feels like being high without all the fun parts, and that feeling lingers all day.
• Feeling annoyingly rundown: I've been having issues focusing at work and whatnot. Thankfully I work from home and can somewhat play it off, but the past few workdays I've had to sneak naps on lunch.
• Shaky feeling without the shake. Sometimes my hands will tremor for a moment or two, but that's it as far as visible shakiness. However I have had moments where I'm sitting here feeling like I'm vibrating in random parts of my upper body. Will even look at that body part closely to see if I actually am...but nope still as a can be, yet still feels vibratey lol.

The weird thing about all of the above is that they're being random day-to-day. Either I wake up perfectly fine and have a great day. OR all of the above hits me at once and then disappears again the next day. There doesn't seem to be much "in between."
Overall, though, none of this is stopping me from quitting... I know anxiety is part of "the experience" of quitting, so I've been careful about not letting it convince me to reset. If anything it's spurred more motivation, because I'm never letting a chemical have this level of a hold again. Thankfully, although as you can see anxiety is getting channeled into the above, mood hasn't shifted much in terms of everything else. I've had moments of depression, but not much out of the normal, and the anxiety seems to be more focused on helping me quit rather than convincing me to puff more. But it would be nice if the anxiety would stop trying to convince me that I'm dying, hence me wanting to just gather more info that I'm not finding online.
In advance though, thank you, and I look forward to hearing about anyone else who's experienced the above, and if you know of any remedies that'd be greatly appreciated. Feels good to be finally kicking this after having stupidly picked it up 3 years ago.

I took Nystatin a few times and it makes my urine smell very strong, it's said it doesn't absorb systemically, but I think it does absorbe systemically. Does it cause kidney injury? I'm actually scared it damaged my kidneys, I get a weird shortness of breath as if I breathe out the Nystatin smell every time I take it. Is this strong urine smell from Nystatin normal?
I didn't find much information online, except for this.
I don't understand, is both Amphotericin B and Nystatin toxic for the kidneys or only Amphotericin B?
https://www.sciencedirect.com/topics/agricultural-and-biological-sciences/nystatin

Side Effects
▪
Amphotericin B (nystatin is not administered systemically because of high toxicity)
▴
Nephrotoxicity: Reversible kidney dysfunction, sometimes leading to chronic kidney dysfunction, can result. The mechanism is incompletely understood but thought to be mediated in part by both renal tubular injury and renal vasoconstriction.
▴
Infusion reactions: Fever, chills, hypotension, vomiting, dyspnea, and headaches may occur. The mechanism of these reactions is unknown.
▴
Electrolyte abnormalities: Because of increases in the distal tubular permeability, potassium and magnesium wasting, leading to hypokalemia and hypomagnesemia, can occur.
Polyenes are among the most commonly used broad-spectrum antifungals but have significant associated renal toxicity.
The polyene macrolide antibiotic nystatin, produced commercially by the bacterium Streptomyces noursei, is an important antifungal agent used in human therapy for treatment of certain types of mycoses.
However, many of the systemic/toxic effects of nystatin in humans are attributable to its binding to mammalian sterols, namely cholesterol. This is the effect that accounts for the nephrotoxicity observed when high serum levels of nystatin are achieved.

The Lesser Engine seemed to whimper, just before its animalistic head was crushed under the heavy heel of the Logos Armor. Petra was looking around, her armor covered in hellish grime, pieces of fiery cables, her hammerhead scraped in some places by the metal chitin of the warpforged abominations. A swing of her weapon decapitated a screaming techpriest, and she could see her sons advance behind her, focusing their fires onto the creatures that hadn’t come into her range.
She raised her arm and the bolter array built onto it sang four times, each bolt hitting and penetrating into the bronze hull of a monster. A movement in the side of her view immediately made her turn, and Petra placed herself right behind the Automata that was raising its shield to parry the volley of ammunition that a vomiting amalgamation of tin and steel was spewing out. The machine painted in the colors of the legion marched towards it, shield still forward as it was raising its hammer. Another Domitar joined in, and they started hammering down the bear, striking at the places that Petra indicated them to with her Logos.
Not even leaving them a moment of respite, a shriek echoed through the halls of the corrupted forgeworld, announcing the arrival of a new transformed machine, this time using the shape of a massive scorpion of brass, painted in red - probably actual blood. A True Daemon Engine.
“Stay behind”, Petra ordered her own troops. “Only the Iron Circle will engage with me. Provide cover fire”. Immediately her soldiers reorganized themselves, walking slightly back while she moved towards the warped machine. It was big, but not so much more than some beasts she had taken down during the Great Crusade.
The Logos Bolt Array roared in rapid succession, spitting explosive shells that burst on the thing’s pincer shell it was protecting itself with. The cannon on its tail aimed at the little group approaching, and fired in response. The bullets managed to pierced the shield of one of the Automata, bringing it to the ground in skittering motions as the Primarch ran to the machine.
The shell of the left pincer bent under the shock of her hammer, but could see the interior mechanisms and integrity were still completely fine. As the monster hissed, she growled and climbed onto it, before it could move its appendix. Her array fired again, aiming at the creature’s low head, and it was assailed by the other Automata. Alas, the legion’s machines could do little when even their Primarch’s strength was only sufficient to dent its exterior, their hammers clanging with sound but no damage. The Engine shrieked and spun on its feet, sweeping the footing of the Domitars with its armored tail, almost shaking Petra off of its great body.
The Breaker of Stone jumped, landing her hammer onto the machine’s head, keeping its optics away from herself. The Automata had started to stand up, some of them already trying again to impair the Daemon Engine. The Scorpion managed to snatch the shield arm of one of the Domitars into its pincers, immediately starting to grind it, then using its second arm to crush its body, neutralizing it into a cloud of sparks and noises of bent iron.
A volley of missiles exploded onto its body, making it stumble a step or two. Petra’s Tyrant Siege Terminator squad had established a perimeter around them, alongside three Devastation squads of Space Marines armed to the teeth. The Lady of Iron used the opportunity, clasping her two hands around her hammer, and smashed the face of it onto the mechanical head, cracking the glass of its baleful eye.
Letting one hand on her weapon go, she shoved her fist into the eye, fully shattering it and grasping at cables, opened fire eight times, before pulling the sparkling fiber out. The creature’s feet skittered and scraped onto the ground, flailing as well as it could with its weakening strength under the hands of the Primarch and the shields of the Automata pressing against its body.
Her soldiers approached slowly, step by step and always keeping their visors onto the fallen beast. It stopped moving. Petra allowed herself a breath, before turning to her sons. The Terminator and the Devastation squads were meticulously reloading their weapons, while her tactical squads surveyed the corridors they arrived through, one of them moving further in the dark halls of the Forge World.
When her Marines were ready, she nodded a signal to her soldiers, and they moved forward. Not even five steps were made when she turned on her heels, hearing a sound from behind her.
[The. Beast. Sings].
Three words that echoed into the large, empty hall. Her blood curled hearing it. This wasn’t normal speech. She had mechanically translated it, only understanding what the means of transmission was after hearing the full sentence.
[The. Beast. Sings].
Scrap-code.The Chaos speech reserved for the machines. An odious parody of the already-nonsensical Lingua Technis in usage within the Cult of Mars. And the carcass was speaking it. She activated the Logos’ system used to communicate orders to the Automata accompanying them.
“Killswitch protocol, immediate deactivation”. She commanded, not willing to even let a chance at her Automatas being corrupted. The Iron Warriors moved to surround the legion’s Iron Circle, carefully laying them down and locking their joints.
[The Beast sings]. It was continuously psalmoding, like a broken disc, accelerating. [The Beast sings The Beast sings The Beast sings The Beast sings]- until she put her hands on its neck, her fingers slowly bending the metal, and she pulled at it until the head was separated from the neck in a horrible noise of brass. Petra switched her comms to contact the scouting unit sent forward.
“Watch out for any signal of chaotic machines, warn us at any movement”. She turned to the corridors that had been used by some of the Techpriests that had ambushed them, eyeing the corpses with disgust.
They had all been chanting the same fucking thing. The Beast sings. What even was the beast? She had first encountered this name on another forge world, where some of her Warriors had been hunted by a strange Warp Machine. It had disappeared moments before she arrived on site herself, and she had stored it away in her memories, until it resurfaced some time later on another planet, another corrupted cult dedicated to the Dark Mechanicum. And another time, it had fled an hour before she had reached the deployment zone.
At first, the writings had been about “The Beast wakes”. Then, “The Beast writhes”. “The Beast forges”, all in Scrap-code, again and again. Until they came here, to the Forge Worlds of the moons of Cercantyle, themselves orbiting around a planet that had fallen to the corruption and whispers of the Warp.
Vibrations. Noises. Explosions.
She turned her head toward the sound, raising one of her Bolt array in overwatch, but didn’t see anything. She didn’t see anything other than her Marines, prudently observing the source of the noise.
“Squad Iota, what is your status?”
No answer came back. She motioned to her Terminators, who placed themselves forward and raised their weapons.
“Squad Iota, respond”. Her answer was the same as for her first question. “We probably lost them. Squad Alpha and Beta, watch over the corridor. Squad Gamma to Epsilon, survey the other entries. I don’t want any surprises”.
She accessed a cogitator, trying to see if she could garner any information from the eight-point covered machine, growling when she saw all was written in Scrap-code too. Fucking lunatics, even more annoying the the “normal” Mechanicum cultists.
Large arrivals of metal, used for weaponry and vehicle propulsors. Well, alongside daemons that were used by the warped tech priests to inhabit those machines. Copious amounts of fuel, menial slaves and engineers had been brought here. She felt a chill creep up her spine. Petra raised her eyes from the cogitator, definitely weirded out. Because it was a familiar feeling. But not the same. Unnatural.
Again, vibrations, noises, explosions. This time so much closer, almost detonating where her squads Alpha and Beta were standing. “Form up!”, “Ambush!” She could hear her soldiers shout, spreading out to avoid cluster explosions, and moving into covers behind ruined machines and skull-decorated wall fragments. The Tyrant Siege squad was the first line, having survived the blast with little to no injuries thanks to the more robust Cataphractii armors.
Her helmet’s visors didn’t show her any movement coming from the corridors. Petra ran diagnostics seeing the shapes of the explosions on the ground, approaching her troops. The screens showed her trajectory probabilities, drawing predictions and attempting to locate the enemy’s position. She raised her eyes, just before one of squad Delta’s marine shouted “Contact! Above!”
There it was. A massive construct of plasteel, ceramite, and armaplas, exiting from a higher-level hallway, reactors spewing out warp-fire.
It was pristine.
Unlike the Daemon Engines and chaos machines she had destroyed and taken apart, it showed no decorations in honor to the Chaos Gods, no brass or gold trims organized in spikes and curves. No, this one was slick, almost T’au like in appearance, but with definitive elements of Imperial structure. The silver metal of its hull was reflecting lights.
A humanoid body about twice her size made up the centerpiece of it, a large construct latched onto its back, and a large ring circled around the main body. Multiple cannons on the back, three-gatling guns onto each arm, and Petra could even see it was shielded by technology akin to Iron Halos. A weapon of war that saw no surrender, no end to its decimation. The blood-red shining eyes fixated solely upon her.
The Beast was hovering above them, imitating what Space Marines had been called, and Angel of Death. And the Beast sang.
It opened fire on her troops and her, six gatling guns rotating and ejecting shells by the hundreds in a few seconds, and five of her sons fell before they could put their shields in a carapace to protect themselves from the projectiles. Her Terminators responded in the same way, hardly bothered by the bullets raining down on them and shouldering Combi-Bolter, the deafening noise of their weapons adding to the cacophony that the Beast was already composing.
It was fast. When her Tyrant Siege squad added their missiles to the exchange, it seemed to reave through the air as a broadsword, moving out of the way of the projectiles, never ceasing to shoot, and worse, beginning to circle around the less protected Tactical Marines, pinning them down, its traits piercing through the gray ceramite, again and again. Petra’s Bolt Arrays were shooting non-stop, her Logos calculating and predicting the movements of the flying machine, but her munitions were crushed against the Force-Field deployed around it.
“Get to cover! Use the corridors to hide yourself!” Petra ordered her troops, placing herself away from the eyes of the machine while using the Logos’ systems to reboot the Automata. Even though they were mostly equipped for close quarter combat, she had conceived the Olympia Bolt Cannon to arm them in addition to their bodyguard abilities she now used as first battle ranks, shielding her soldiers.
Thanks to her Trinket, always one to bring any advantage to their side in negotiations, she had had far enough to experiment multiple formations, and was satisfied with the weaponry they were now using - if the Iron Warriors were able to bring the Beast to the ground, they would fall upon it with their Graviton mauls.
For now, she unlocked the joints, and restarted their systems, the chest light flaring up green. One of the red eyes of the flying construct lowered to look at them, and immediately after, directed one of his arms in the same direction, the three gatlings starting to spin again, landing some hits that scratched their surfaces, resulting in one of the Domitar-Ferrum having a chestplate opened, and a pauldron bent under the heavy fire before it could raise its shield.
Did it have an unlimited amount of ammunition? Urgh, it had probably far enough to wage battle against them for hours on end, and they were currently engaged in a Forge-world. It could fly away any moment, and find some station to re-arm itself.
Petra opened her comms, directing her soldiers directly to always harass the Beast, forming into firing patterns as three squads gained altitude in the maze that was the architecture of the Forge-World. She counted. Eleven soldiers had been lost. Five were also injured - though not gravely enough that they had to stop fighting. A glance at the damaged automata let her know that it could still be pushed to fight, and could endure more damage. She opened cover fire to move herself, approaching her soldiers so that she would not be stuck in the middle of an open-space.
“Phase Four, Hammer Protocol”, she ordered on the Logos, and her soldiers moved as well as they could to accomplish their missions. Every single trigger belonging to a soldier under her command was pulled into a deafening noise that echoed into the large hall, lights of tracer fire producing a continued source of radiance that she wouldn’t even need the night vision provided by her helmet.
Even though the Conversion field around the Beast was sparkling, progressively advancing to the point where it would need to be deactivated to not overload, it was reaching it far too slowly for Petra’s taste. Frustration was building up faster in her.
Some movement in the construct made her change her focus, as she tried to identify why it was moving the way it did. The gatling guns on its right arm had folded back into the back construct part, and now it was a long, thin and rectangular armament that was attached to its arm. And aimed at her. A glance at it indicated her it was warped T’au technology, modified to be usable alongside those demonic systems. She felt a cold sweat immediately.
Mass launcher. Heavy Rail Cannon.
Petra stepped away in a blink, unsure even her armor would be perfectly safe from a weapon like that, a single instant later the place she had been in was shot at.
Light. Noise.
Silence.
A Warrior behind her had been less lucky, its upper body part simply erased by the projectile’s impact, which didn’t even explode.
It had penetrated into the metallic ground, dug deep until the meager warning lights of the hall couldn’t shed shine onto it. The body of her Marine fell onto the ground, blood finally flowing out as though it had briefly not realized it had been killed.
She processed it into the back of her mind, running to find some cover that would hide her from the weapon. It seemed however that the Daemon Engine didn’t have in mind to continue using its Rail Cannon, and started to rise, floating higher. She had another bad feeling. And she was rarely wrong on such occasions. It put away the arms that were latched onto its arms, and extended its hands forward.
Something started to roll on the horizontal ring, and exited the top of the back construct in the same way, stopping halfway, above the Beast’s head. Multiple dots of red upon light-gray surface, and Petra already knew it was multiple missile pod systems.
“Find cover!” she heard one of her soldiers scream out. Petra ordered the Domitars to defend the Marines that weren’t equipped with Boarding Shields like her Breacher Squads. Noises like pings emitted by the Machine started to rise, accelerating in tempo and volume.
It brought its hands downwards, a conductor's movement. The orchestra, a symphony of technological-brought death, began.
The Beast sings.
The sounds of their thrusters weren’t the one she was used to hearing from missiles in flight, no, it was far worse. Whispers, murmurs, talks, shouts, wails, screeches, howling. The noises each projectile was making were separate voices of pain and suffering, or shrieks of rage and anger.
A choir that the Beast was directing, the missiles following his hands, cues and downbeats, the screaming and bellows harmonizing to form a music that would be beautiful, if it weren’t so haunting, dangerous and in such an inopportune moment.
Petra locked her armor completely, focusing on defending against the missiles that were going for her. She recognized it. She crouched, protecting her head with her arms, and the noises of all missiles exploding at the same time, a fortississimo overbearing on her ears, and the shaking was the same as being just beside a Titan Ordnance weapon firing.
The instant she was safe, running diagnostic operations on the Logos integrity, she forced herself to move despite the shock she was feeling. Not just physical. The music It had imitated before the missiles exploded. She knew it perfectly. From its start, to the Da Capo, to its end and crescendo, with every single note in between.
Because she knew the composer. Because she was beside him when he composed. Because HE composed FOR HER. Because it was Trinket’s piece. A horrible, abominable parody, spitting on every musical pattern and expression he spent days and nights writing while she was drawing architectural blueprints and building dioramas of the multiple Olympia’s cities they oversaw reconstruction of.
The shared name of Elysia, the location of their planned Forever Home, and of the hymn they had decided on.
And nothing was making her more mad than the twisted parody of her favorite music, turned into something so… She didn’t even find the words for the utter disgust she was going through. Nor for her anger.
“Cover me! Switch back to Phase three, Protocol Nemea!”
Petra exited the smoke left by the detonation after shouting her order, and went straight for the broken corpse of the Brass Scorpion, teeth clenched. Hearing the weapons of her sons firing behind her, she swore she would destroy that thing, and free Trinket from its grasp. She had not a single doubt he was in it. Being the core of the Beast. She caught the tail of the machine monster, and dragged it to turn the Demolisher cannon that formed its parody of a mouth in the direction of Trinket’s prison.
Using the commanding functions of the Logos, she connected to the machine’s body, bluntly deleting every piece of Scrap-Code that she could, as the chaotic construct was off for now, and when she was done, she booted the firing systems up.
She was hearing the roaring of the Beast’s gatling guns, firing ceaselessly to kill her sons, the crackling noise of Boarding Shields and Karceri Shields as the hailing rain of bullets was caught against their power fields.
Petra’s will, translated into cybernetics commands, made the legs of the Scorpion skitter and rise, angling its maw at the flier. After a few seconds loading, and preparing the weapon, the Scorpion opened fire, crossing the distance between source and target in barely a breath. The noise of the detonation echoed the same as the missiles the Beast had previously fired in its orchestral volleys.
The flying machine trembled, the iron halo’s field crackling, turning on and off until it finally shut down.
“Now!” Petra shouted to her Warriors. “Engage Phase five, suppressing fire!” Exiting their covers, most of her Marines aimed and opened fire at the Engine. She aimed at its reactors when it showed its back to her, shooting with all eight of her shrapnel bolt array. As it lowered slightly, she calculated her odds. Satisfied, she started running toward it, accelerating to some of the fastest speeds she had reached on her feet, motivation and desperation both pumping fire into her veins of iron.
Using the ruined machinery that strewed the ground, she gained elevation, and fully jumped to catch on the ring surrounding the core construct. Its three eyes looked at her, and Petra could swear she could see them burning in hatred. It tried to aim its gatling at her, but she moved faster, opening fire without restraint straight at its arm, a barrage of bolts that started to tear through the weaknesses in the metal that she saw.
Unable to fly correctly anymore, the Beast lowered even more, to the point where the Automata, coming running at it, could extend their hammers to latch on the ring and body, pinning it down. Petra let go of the outer ring, and walked straight toward the core unit, ignoring the warnings that one of her sergeants was directing to her.
She couldn’t hear anything over a ringing in her ears suspiciously resembling the melody of Elysia.
She finally reached it, extending her hand toward its head, and ripped it off without a care, watching with satisfaction as the three-eyed lights faded from the optics. She tossed it aside. Under her awaiting hands was the gesticulating body of an iron maiden that jailed the person she wanted to see most.
Weaknesses.
In the frame, in the ossature, in the hull. She reached and grasped, and bent, and pulled, and tore, destroying the malignant thing bit by bit, piece by piece, seeing her soldiers in the corner of her eyes, but not registering anything other than the slowly opening torso of the machine.
Finally.
Finally.
Finally, she ripped open the cockpit, to be met with such a cherished and such a haunted sight. Her Velvet Glove. Her Trinket.
Finally.
“FeFe…” she whispered. She could feel her eyes water behind the iron skull of her helmet.
It was an abominable sight. Everything was him. Nothing was his. As the song, it was a parody of who he was.
It was his hair: white and in long locks. It wasn’t: oily, greasy and unkempt.
It was his body: olive skin and the same scars as she remembered. It wasn’t: skeletal, gaunt, emaciated and hollow. Ribs almost piercing out from under his naked dry skin.
It was his eyes, the same turquoise, the same golden decoration he had asked her to graft under the left one to mask one scar he had there. It wasn’t: there were no lights in those glassy and foggy balls, and the gold was tarnished, rusted.
His lips were parched and scarred, his eyelids scratched, and she was trembling seeing the sight.
He was missing an arm, cables and wires directly plugged into his torn flesh.
A ruined enveloppe.
A single terminal was held in his sickly thin fingers, showing characters writing on a loop. Two words. It wasn’t Scrap-Code, nor was it Lingua-Technis, nor even was it Gothic, be it low or high. No, it was their native tongue of Olympia.
Two words, repeating on a loop like a mad chant line after line.
Σκότωσέ με.
Kill me.
Kill me.
Kill me.
Kill me.
Kill me.
Petra slowly reached to her helmet, its hissing pops signaling the depressurization. She removed it, her braided lock falling onto her shoulder as she put it aside.
“No”.
She reached toward him, cupping his cheek in her gauntlet, as large as his head, not applying any bit of force. Her hand was trembling. She pulled his body from the machine’s carcass, carefully disconnecting the cables thanks to the Logos’ programming properties. She cradled his broken, shattered form in her arms like carrying a newborn. She could barely feel his heartbeat. Her vision of him was riddled in weaknesses that usually inhabited her vision, so, so many onto his form.
She tilted to whisper in his ear.
“I’m bringing you back home. We’ll go together. Do you remember, FeFe? To Elysia”.
She almost broke down when she saw a sign of recognition on his part when he heard that name. Just slightly, almost imperceptible, his eyes widened.
A Spark.

23M, 5’10”, 144LBS.
5 weeks ago was the beginning of the sickest I’ve ever been in my entire life. I truly felt like I was on the verge of death. To cut to the chase, these were my symptoms - High fever (reached 105 F), headache, extremely sore throat, intense weakness and muscle aches, neck and back pain, and just an overall feeling of malaise that I’ve never experienced before.
During this time, which lasted about a week and a half, I visited the ER twice and a CareNow once. My first hospital visit, I was tested for strep, covid and mono. All tests came back negative and I was basically just sent home. After this, I went to the CareNow where the doctor who consulted me was convinced that it WAS indeed mono, and that I was tested too early on to have enough antibodies built for the test to be accurate. At this point, I went with her theory and stuck it out, completely miserable.
Once I made it to the other side and broke my fever, I’ve still had lasting symptoms over a month later from when I initially caught whatever this is. I have an INSANELY stiff and sore neck that radiates down to the center of my upper back and throughout my shoulders. This is accompanied with a dull, pressure headache. I’m very spaced out and weak as well and get into states of almost feeling out of body. I’ve also noticed a decline in my mental capabilities. I always feel like I’m on the verge of fainting. All of this is very overwhelming; It’s the weirdest and scariest sensation I’ve ever felt.
My last visit to the ER sent me over the edge (which I went to after my fever was broken because of everything I listed above). I explained everything thoroughly, and the doctor looked me in my eyes and asked “Do you think it might be your pillow”? I was tested for mono once more which again came back negative (I knew it would) and was then sent home again with a literal “I don’t know what to tell you” response from the ER.
Basically, I’ve had enough and I need answers but I’m obviously not being taken seriously. I brought up my concerns around meningitis to each of these doctors but they shot it down based off of what I guess is just a guess? They didn’t perform any kind of test to ward off the idea of it possibly being meningitis and just didn’t entertain it which I have no idea why. How can I be told it’s not meningitis when they claim they “don’t know” what it is? And no test or look into it was given? Based off of what I’ve researched, I sound like a classic case and at this point I have no idea what to do because of the amount of time that’s already passed.
This has stopped me dead in my tracks, my life has been paused. I’ve been out of work since this begun and haven’t had a second of relief. If it is in fact meningitis, am I just screwed? Or is there something I can do to help relieve my symptoms? And if there’s a chance that it wasn’t, what else could I consider it to be that way I can do some further investigating and maybe come up with a diagnosis? I’m terrified at the thought of having gotten brain damage from this. Just looking for any advice on how to get back to myself and come up with a solution.

hi friends 💐
today towards the latter half of the day i started feeling awful, throat hurts and a really big sinus headache, i actually got sick in the restroom twenty minutes before im scheduled to leave.
i took my temperature right after getting sick and it was 99.7, so no fever, but i am showing symptoms that it’s getting higher (real bad chills, severe nausea)
this month licensing is coming, and a lot of people are suggesting they’ll be at the center tomorrow and i really do not want to miss that in case i do start to run a fever. im anxious about telling my boss what happened today, as i fear she’s going to be irritated that im missing on such an important day.
i only just got home and am gonna take my temperature again in a few minutes and keep monitoring it. any advice in case i do run a fever?

I’m a 24F with PMHx of Narcolepsy, Psoriatic Arthritis/Ankylosing Spondylitis, probable Sjogren’s (dry eyes/mouth but seronegative), GAD, MDD. About 3 years ago, I started showing symptoms such as joint/soinal pain, heart palpitations, chest pain, pressure in chest/head, nosebleeds/bloody post nasal drip, random bp spikes, facial flushing, fevers/chills. I was put on Humira for PsA which made all of the symptoms go away and I chalked it up to just being random autoimmune symptoms.
I have been on Humira for a little over two years and it’s beginning to be less effective. As it began wearing off, I started noticing the systemic symptoms coming back intermittently and when I tried to switch medications, I got extremely sick and ended up in the ER multiple times due to the cardiac issues. I’ve seen been put back on it but my rheumatologist isn’t convinced any of the systemic issues are related. I’m also in the process of switching doctors as she is about to retire. One of the most concerning symptoms is that my pulse and blood pressure are often very different depending on which side of my body is being checked. My right side tends to be much higher and my left much lower to the point of sometimes not even being able to find a pulse/bp. I’ve had countless EKGs and chest X-rays which are all normal. I also had a CTA of my head and neck which was normal. I’m concerned it is a type of vasculitis and have tried to speak with my rheum about it, but was immediately blown off.
I’m currently on a short course of steroids (10 mg for a week, then 5 mg for a week) and back taking Humira weekly. The symptoms have improved slightly but I’m concerned they will return as I go off the steroids. I had lab work done last week to test for a few types of vasculitis but have not received the results yet. Current symptoms are: lack of appetite/weight loss, fevers/chills, heart palpitations, bp spikes/crashes, chest pain, severe pressure in head/sinuses, strong “pulsing” on right side of neck/carotid where it feels like I’ve been running, limb pain, shortness of breath, dizziness.
I am seeing a cardiologist this Wednesday and I’m trying to get in with a new rheum asap but struggling to find one who doesn’t have a waiting list of several months. Please let me know if you have any questions. Any thoughts or perspective on this would be greatly appreciated!

Chapter 5
Location: Bareth Solitude
POV: Arathan
Arathan gets lost in his mind while doing some hard riding across what used to be a lake. He enjoys his freedom to go wherever he wants in his mind. Arathan also muses on the various forms of prison. Physical, emotional, and in thought. All barriers are enemies to freedom. By all measures the ride is horrible for Arathan, but the open sky and forward movement make him feel more free than at House Dracons.
Location: outside of house Dracons prior to the opening of this chapter
POV: Arathan
Before leaving House Dracons, Arathan felt fear and shame at that fear. Sagander's luggage was checked and mostly left behind. There are no pack horses for this journey. Sagander is furious and is taking it out on the servants. Finally Sagander calls Arathan over and blames the fact that he packed two cases on the boy. He demands that Arathan make room in his own pack for several of Sagander's items. While trying to fit Sagander's weights and measures into his bedroll, Draconus arrives and asks him why he isn't ready. Draconus sees the scales that Sagander gave to Arathan, picks them up and gives them to a servant. He says we do not have time for this. Sagander glares at Arathan.
Arathan will bring two horses. One a warhorse, Hellar, and the other, Besra, a gelding more suited for the long trek. As he passes the gate out of House Dracons, he looks back and sees his 3 half-sisters. He is chilled by their appearance. Just out of the gate Sagander, who was ahead of Arathan, stops and tells Arathan to look back. He tells him that his sisters hate him and they don't expect to ever see him again. Sagander admonishes Arathan for not being ready when his father arrived and for also choosing to ride Besra the gelding instead of the charger. He says when you leave, you ride the charger. Up the road Arathan sees a path to the right that looks familiar. It's the path to the quarry where he almost drowned.
As they ride they encounter no other people. They go through what used to be a vast forest, but all of the wood had been harvested and Arathan wonders what all the wood had been used for. Sagander was now too sore to turn around and criticize Arathan, which suited him perfectly. Arathan would love if he could go unnoticed the rest of the trip and in face the rest of his life. The party reaches a resupply station at the edge of House Dracons land where food and water are waiting for them. Arathan dismounts and after a minute understands that he must lead his horses to the water. Draconus had already led his horse to water, but the rest of the party is waiting for Arathan. As he is leading Besra, the horse he had ridden all day, to the trough, Raskan silently shakes his had at him. Arathan is not sure why and thinks surely the horse he rode the whole way should drink before the warhorse. He leads Besra to drink. Arathan reaches to cup some water for himself, but Raskan stops him. Raskan tells him that he can only share water with his warhorse. Arathan tells Raskan that he will share with the horse that bore him and begins to drink. Draconus tells Raskan that Arathan's warhorse, Hellar, is now under his care as the boy does not understand his responsibility. Raskan agrees, but says that Arathan should still ride Hellar this afternoon for a time. Draconus agrees and then beckons Feren for a private word.
Raskan explains the situation to Arathan, who still wonders aloud why we shouldn't honor every beast that serves us. Raskan tells him that he should crush thoughts that go against Tiste ways. Arathan contemplates how one comes to disdain others and understands that pride must preclude disdain. "One day I will find something to be proud of, and then I will find this taste of disdain, and see if it suits me". He does not think it will. "Not every virtue must be a weapon. These thoughts are my own. I will not crush them."
POV: Rint (bordersword)
The male borderswords wonder what Draconus and Feren are speaking about, while preparing the first meal. Ville thinks he wants her for sex. Rint doesn't like that idea, but says that it is none of their business and Feren will decide for herself. Ville really doesn't like Draconus and thinks he doesn't understand honor. Rint warns him that if he keeps up with this talk he will be left behind. Rint tells Raskan and Sagander that this will be the last time the midday meal is cooked. By tradition it is a large meal that allows all involved, especially the horses, a break as the first day of a journey is often the hardest and injuries occur. Rint also says they are a few days out of Abara Delack where they can re-provision. Raskan tells him that the party will go around Abara Delack. Rint questions that this is to be a secret journey. Raskan affirms. Raskan also tells the borderswords to not keep to themselves so much as this is a very small party.
Rint rejoins the borderswords and sees that his sister has done the same. As he approaches, she shakes her head. Probably signaling to him not to ask about her meeting with Draconus. Instead he tells the borderswords they are to mingle. Ville describes Arathan as a Rabbit in a boy's skin. Galak likes that. Rint tells them to forget they ever heard it. Galak says it fits, but Feren surprises everyone by asking how he knows. Feren says she likes the fact that Arathan honored the beast that bore him. That traditions are traditions for a reason, but that sometimes we forget that reason and just continue the tradition. Rint is worried about this outburst from Feren. She has been subdued for years and he should be happy at this new turn, but he's not sure of its source. Galak announces that the meat is ready. Rint calls the others.
POV: Arathan
Feren approaches Arathan and brings him out of his reverie and tells him traditionally everyone shares meat at the first meal. She tells him she agrees with his horse decision as it was made from the heart. She is twice his age. She tells him the first taste of meat belongs to his father and the second is his. He tells her he is a bastard. She says that is his father's fault, not his and that soon he will be his own man. Arathan wonders what Draconus has that engenders loyalty to him. It is certainly not camaraderie. Perhaps it was his actions in the Forulkan war.
The meal ends and the party mounts their horses. Arathan goes to Besra, but Raskan has readied Hellar. Feren tells him that Hellar views Arathan as his protector. Arathan knows he can't protect her from anything. Feren tells him Hellar doesn't know that. Arathan asks Feren why she's being nice to him and if its because his father asked her to be. She says no. He asks if their conversation was about him. She says it's private. She gets angry and asks if they will all have to wait for him to get into his saddle. Arathan regrets his words to Feren, but still feels humiliated by his father wondering if he thinks he needs a woman to take care of him even now. He wishes his father wouldn't have asked her to be his mother. He doesn't understand why his father cares at all, given that he hasn't participated in his life up to now. Sagander tries to give him some advice about Feren. Telling him that she doesn't mean him any good and that borderswords carry lice and disease.
Sagander decides to give Arathan a lesson on weakness and desire. Sagander says that weakness does not exist with the noblest of Tiste and that's why they are upper class. Lowly workers are weak and therefore deserve to remain low class. Weakness is a choice. Arathan asks Sagander if the fact that the forest has been completely cut bare does not turn a strength into a weakness as it was surely strength and determination that cut every tree down. Sagander responds that strength is always strength and weakness is always weakness and Arathan can ask no more questions. He says that Arathan doesn't understand and this is because he is a bastard. Arathan asks if that is his father's weakness. Sagander backhands Arathan in the mouth very hard. Arathan almost falls off his horse. Hellar responds by unmounting Sagander and stomping on his leg breaking his bones. Arathan, stunned, is able to rein in Hellar. The borderswords come back to the scene. Sagander's horse is dying on ground and Sagander is screaming. His thigh is a mess of broken bone and blood is pouring everywhere.
Rint helps Arathan off of his horse and Feren comes to him, her face dark with fury. Arathan thinks her look is directed at him and that he deserves it. She tells him that Rint saw, but Arathan has no idea what she's talking about. Draconus comes back and tells them to put the horse out of its misery and to bind Sagander's leg before he bleeds out. Galak tells Draconus they will have to cut off the leg and cauterize the blood vessels. Sagander might still die. Draconus asks Rint to walk with him and relate in detail what he saw. Feren is pushing against Arathan's chest and when he finally notices she tells him to lie down and that he has a concussion. Arathan asks Feren what happened. She tells him that Hellar knocked down Sagander's horse and smashed his leg. Hellar was about to smash his head, but Arathan was able to pull her back. Arathan thinks it's his fault, but Feren says no. He is a lord's son and Sagander should never have struck him. Even if he survives Draconus may choose to kill him. Arathan tells her he said the wrong thing and it's his fault. That he will defend Sagander to his father. He tells her he was weak. Her surprised face is all he sees before he loses consciousness.
POV: Ville
Ville has slaughtered Sagander's horse and is cooking the meat. Rint returns from his talk with Draconus. Ville comments that this is a bad omen. Rint tells Ville that he and Galak are to take Sagander to Abara Delack to the monks there. Then catch up. Ville asks about Draconus's judgment, but Rint doesn't know. He may still execute him after he has healed up. Arathan is still unconscious, but Feren says it's regular sleep now and he's tossing and turning. No fever though. Feren eludes to a secret conversation between her and her brother.
POV: Raskan
Raskan makes a blood broth for Sagander that is pretty gross, but may save his life. Draconus tells Raskan he may have erred in taking away Hellar from Arathan. Horse and boy are bonded absolutely now. Draconus chalks up Sagander's idiocy to old age and bitterness. Raskan says Draconus is more forgiving that he would be. Draconus cuts him off and says he hasn't forgiven anything. Draconus tells Raskan he forgets himself, but that he speaks from the heart so he will forgive it. Raskan thinks another lord may have had him beaten, but not Draconus. "Draconus did not work that way, and he met the eye of every soldier and every servant under his care" Draconus further comments that Raskan's boots are worn out and that moccasins are better suited for the forest. Raskan says he has none. Draconus gives him an old pair of his.
Draconus then looks at the stars and tells Raskan about distant worlds and black holes. Raskan thinks this must be taught in Kharkanas, but Draconus disabuses him of this though and tells him, "Do not let the title of scholar, or poet, or lord, intimidate you overmuch. More importantly, do not delude yourself into imagining that such men and women are loftier, or somehow cleverer or purer of integrity or ideal than you or any other commoner." He continues to discuss fear and darkness.
POV: Arathan
Arathan wakes in the middle of the night to find Feren sleeping beside him. Trying to think of anything but the warm body beside him he recalls Sagander's explanation for stars. Pin holes in the fabric of night. All tiste scholars agree on this. Feren takes the lead and has sex with Arathan. He is bewildered and has no idea where his penis is going. Eventually through her instruction he lost all rational thought and just enjoyed himself. She then teaches him how to return the favor.
POV: Rint
Rint hears it all. Feren had told him that Draconus made this request, but said she was free to deny and there would be no repercussions. She said she would think about it. Rint believes it is solely for her pleasure.
POV: Sagander
Sagander wakes in terrible pain and before he can scream, he finds Draconus's hand over his mouth. Draconus demands an explanation for why he struck Arathan. Sagander argues that he was defending his lord's honor. After relaying his lesson, Draconus is proud of Arathan for seeing through Sagander's idiocy and tells Sagander that he is right, Arathan is his weakness thus this trip. For giving Draconus something to be proud about, Sagander will not be executed. Rather healed and fired. Sagander is furious. He does not consider Arathan a highborn and therefore is not subject to the prohibition against striking highborns. In fact he's struck him countless times. He thinks about challenging his fate in Kharkanas, but discards this idea. Instead he focuses now on vengeance against Arathan and Draconus.
POV: Arathan
Arathan wakes to find himself alone. Remembering the events of the previous day his feeling of shame returns. But also a feeling of ecstasy. Arathan still thinks everything is his fault and he feels sorry for Sagander who is now on his way to Abara Delack. He thinks his father is furious with him. Finding Feren near the cookfire, she hands him a plate, but says nothing to him. He thinks he did it wrong and she doesn't want anything else to do with him. Raskan hands the reins of Besra to Arathan. Arathan thinks this means he is not good enough for a warhorse, but that isn't the case. Raskan tells him his father wants to talk to him. Today he will ride by his father's side. Draconus tells him he saved Sagander's life twice. Once when he pulled Hellar back after he was concussed and then when he said he was his father's weakness.
His father tells him to stop chewing his fingers as it may in fact lead to his death when sword-fighting. For some reason Draconus mentions however that soft fingers will please women. Arathan takes this as evidence that Feren has reported the previous nights events to Draconus. Draconus then goes on to explain why he must get Arathan as far away from Kurald Galain as possible. His enemies may use Arathan. His sisters are protected by the powerful family that their mother comes from, but not Arathan. Draconus says his enemies would try to turn Arathan against him. Draconus says, "you have no cause to love me, or feel any manner of loyalty towards me" Arathan responds that he did not know love needed a cause. This ends their conversation.
POV: Rint
Rint is angry about what Draconus has made his sister do. He is also angry for the secrecy of this journey. Ignorance leads to injury. He misses Ville and Galak who are taking Sagander to Abara Delack. This leaves only his sister to talk to, which he's not sure he wouldn't get really angry when talking to her. His mood is compounded by not knowing Bareth Solitude or the Azathanai. From what he knew they were solitary people that only came among the Tiste one at a time. They weren't interested in friends. Rint would even prefer the Jaghut over the Azathanai and that's saying something. The Jaghut had turned back the Jheleck at least. The Azathanai didn't seem to care about the Jheleck raids. Perhaps because the Jheleck never attacked Azathanai, stole no children, raped no women. They just stole stuff and burned down houses. The Azathanai did not care about this. "Wealth,’ they said, ‘is a false measure. Honour cannot be hoarded. Integrity cannot adorn a room. There is no courage in gold. Only fools build a fortress of wealth. Only fools would live in it and imagine themselves safe."
Draconus had climbed a rise beyond the river. He sees someone coming and that person is expected. Feren joins Rint at the river and wonders who the visitor might be. Rint takes this opportunity to get some anger out. He tells her Arathan is about the same age as her dead son would be. He immediately knows he has injured her and apologizes, but it's too late. Feren responds that children die and mothers get over it and that it was his father's fault. Rint sees the visitor and knows him as Grizzin Farl. a huge Azathanai of some Thel Akai blood. Known as the protector and the lone warrior among the Azathanai. Mate of Kilmandaros. Grizzin calls out to Draconus asking him, "Is this how you hide from all the world?"
POV: Arathan
Arathan observes that Grizzin Farl is full of life. He makes those around him happier. He introduces himself to everyone and when he clasps Arathan's arm he comments on it being a swordweilders arm. Grizzin tells Arathan that he may be the dagger that finds Draconus's heart. Arathan says he has no ambitions. Grizzin asks if he will hide forever and Arathan says yes. Grizzin talks about darkness being used as a weapon and reveals he is on his way to Kharkanas to see. Grizzin introduces himself to Feren on one knee and flirts with her in a self-effacing manor. She tells him her name and Grizzin says that her voice tells of tragedy and loss of hope. Feren is taken aback and says he's wrong.
Grizzin has brought ale and they all get drunk. Arathan wakes up hungover and notices Grizzin is not with them anymore. He wanted to find out more about darkness as a weapon and explore how Grizzin and his father's histories interwove. The night had seemed to do much to improve the morale of the party after their rocky start. Draconus says he is sorry he didn't warn Arathan about the ale. Arathan asks why Grizzin calls him friend. Draconus says he calls everyone friend and to drop it.
Location: Now we are back to Bareth Solitude
POV: Arathan
Arathan muses on how close he is to freedom now. He thinks that he will never stab his father in the back and that no one will use him as knife. Grizzin gave Arathan one piece of information. His Mother was still alive in great grief because she still loved him. He resolves to find her and steal her away. "And we will love each other, and from that love, there will be peace."

I was doing some chill gold hoarders riddles when I came upon a message in a bottle, picked it up and lo and behold, it was a map for 8 chests on a super small island. Went to dig them up and got 7 kings chests + 1 grogs. Are all message in a bottles this good or am I super lucky? I remember they used to suck back in the day, but I won’t be passing them up anymore.

It’s been slowly but surely getting worse and getting more apparent to me that my gallbladder could be the root cause of my issues. Starting in December I started throwing up randomly stomach pain and had diarrhea for like 3 wks. Then, it disappeared seemed to get better with diet exercise. I converted to a keto diet. It seems things really settled. February of this year comes around and symptoms start again I’m thinking it’s because I deviated from my diet. I start having reflux out of the blue.
Then, I get put on PPI’s for 6 weeks didn’t do a damn thing for me but made things worse because I started burping non stop, bloating like crazy, experiencing regurgitation, seeing undigested particles in my stool. Now, I’m starting to have consistent back pain between my shoulder blades it feels like stabbing. I get shoulder pain but lightly. My upper right gives light pain but not as much as my back. I’m so freaking bloated I don’t know what to do anymore. Even if I have water the water will want to come up out of my throat my chest constantly feels heavy irritated like there’s trapped burps or fluid idk. The shortness of breath is debilitating although oxygen levels are normal.
Has anyone experienced all of these symptoms can share their story? I feel like I’m going crazy a GI doc keeps telling me it’s just reflux but it came on SO SUDDENLY. My upper stomach area feels like it’s burning at times. My stool is watery diarrhea and very yellow. I even had to flush twice for it to go away. Now I’m feeling chills colder than usual. I went to the emergency room yesterday and they did a normal ultrasound not HIDA. It showed a lot of sludge. So I’m waiting for another appointment with GI.
Could all my troubles be related to my gallbladder this whole time and maybe it’s just slowly but surely failing me?

Hi all,
Been sick for almost a week. Sore throat, fever+chills, headache, pink eye, yellow mucus, cough.
Covid test negative, I'm in touch with my OB but adenovirus is the most logical guess.
I'm reading alllll the bad effects of adenovirus, especially early in pregnancy. I am still getting darker-than-control test lines, still have my super mild symptoms and no bleeding thankfully.
Anyone have positive outcomes stories of having adenovirus or other gnarly viruses early in pregnancy??

one major thing different between me and my LO is that he is social and I am simply not. His whole thing is that he needs others attention, he bases his self worth on numbers and engagement and is completely desperate. I grew out of that mentality when I became an adult. Although I myself am desperate, but I am desperate in a completely different way. Its why lately Ive been thinking about him again.
Its like why cant I go out and socialize with people? Why do I seemingly not want to? Clubs are lame, all those people and loud music sounds disgusting. I dont use social media, its also lame. Hookup apps are tempting, but I cant "host" (recently found out what that word meant) so Im insecure about that and really what good does that bring anyways? Im an extremely sexually frustrated person BUT I am not a sexually motivated one. Im really awkward.
Im lonely though. I guess I dont want friends because I dont want the drama of having a friend. Im such a nonserious person and I dont understand people who take things too seriously while taking other things not serious enough. Like my LO for example, he is such a crybaby over such trivial things. Limerence doesnt bother me, its the existential part that does. Everything I end up getting sad over is merely a distraction from the greater anxiety that troubles my life, and thats my whole existence. My whole being. I cant even begin to describe it, its too much. Its like I see reality in three different ways. Theres me, theres the manifestation of my desires (I guess my shadow self?), and theres the unreality aspect where Im reminded of how absurd life itself is, not as in "oh wow life sucks". No life doesnt suck because that would imply life is life and theres nothing beyond this life when there is something beyond this life, but thats why life feels so absurd. Especially when you really question the social aspects surrounding you. Its really something that literally most people dont question, its like how can you not question things? Then again, most people are "normal". They can fit anywhere if they want to. They have no need to question things, they have the luxury of distraction. I cant even watch a TV show without being reminded that they are all actors and then wondering all these itty bitty tiny details about what it was like shooting the episode, what they felt in the moment, etc. And then being reminded that there are others watching the show and wondering what they are thinking, etc. Again, watching it in threes. Theres me, theres the BTS, and theres the third party. Thats just how my life is. Im reminded of it every day, I get no escape. I may post angry/venty posts about my LO one day, but really Im justr kicking up dust. I wish my LO truly bothered me. ANd in a way he does, he bothers me because he doesnt bother me and since he doesnt bother me I have nothing to distract myself.
Dude I am constantly on the brink of homelessness, my living situation is unstable. And yet despite that, it doesnt feel like a big deal. Im not tormented by it. Im not hugely tormented by my trauma either. Im LUCKY if I do. But its everything that torments me in this life, Im eventually made aware of the bigger picture to the point that everything feels trivial. It sounds like a blessing but it further makes me feel isolated because I cant even be traumatized the same way others are. Its like no matter what life throws at me, I know for a fact Im gonna make it through. If I died right now, Id die at peace because I know theres something waiting for me. I dont whats waiting for me, but I know something is. It sounds peaceful, it sounds like it would be nice, but its not. It is confusing. I cant even escape. Every time I go off to do something like daydream or overeat or smoke, I am pulled out of that escape. Im made self aware against my will of the fact Im escaping, then Im like "screw this" and try escaping anyways, only for the feeling I was looking for to not happen. Its like the dopamine I was supposed to get from it gets sucked away and I feel nothing.
It would be one thing if I fit into whatever nonsense. It would be one thing if my goals in life were to have kids, or to find love, or fame, or fortune. But its none. You know what my goals are? Housing. Housing and the ability to drive and a plumbing job because plumbing is a good logical trade. Its literally nothing that cant not happen unless I physically die. Beyond that, I have no purpose. My reasoning for not ending things right now is that I cant. Everytime I tried to end my life, there was always someone that magically tried to stop me. And when there wasnt someone there, I magically got better. I remember this one time I overdosed, I only got sick for HALF A DAY and then I felt better. Im talking something that wouldnt even sound possible. The main time I overdosed was with aspirin, and I was at deaths door. My mom refused to take me to the hospital. All my senses were gone, including my sense of touch. I remember having fever dreams where I was stuck in a waiting room type building along with others, they talked about how they got there as if they too knew that they were dying, and the one nurse was annoyed at me as if I wasnt supposed to be there, saying it wasnt my time yet. It was miserable. Everytime I was in and out of consciousness, it didnt feel like I was in and out. It felt like reality shifted. There was no transition between waking up and falling asleep, thats what made it feel so horrible.
aw man dude.... Its like what am I supposed to do? I know the whole "love and compassion" thing but its hard when you dont have a purpose. You have a will to live, you feel that guidance, you have that understanding, and yet you still do not have a purpose. Ive been taking it slow like "okay lets see what happens" but its so fucking BORING, man. I really got nothing going on. I go to work, I work a repetitive job, then I go home. I go home and do repetitive things. My hobbies dont bring me any sort of fulfillment. It makes me happy, sure, but man...
All of this is annoying to some extent. Like whats the fucking point of this? As blasphemous as it sounds, all of this makes me angry at God. I feel trapped here. I cant fit in, I cant conform, and yet I dont have crazy ambitions or aspirations either. It feels like no one could understand me. Doesnt help that the world we live in is so clinical. It adopted this "science can explain away literally everything" attitude even though science cant explain everything, and youre a fool imo if you believe that. You are naive if you think science is innocent too. You really think this whole "pursuit of science" in regards to psychology, NASA, and stuff like biology isnt fueled by a corporate attitude excited over the prospect of further control? Everyone has this "trust the experts, you cant question anything they do" attitude. As if we arent all humans. And as if the scientific theory is something only certain people can practice, those "certain people" happening to be people who have money. Even though on its baselevel, the scientific theory is something every human can practice. What do you think they did back before colleges? Its like people just blindly listen to authority. Even in terms of spirituality, people genuinely think that God wrote the Bible and have faith in pastors, priests, and churches. Not that the Bible is bad, but it shouldve never been taken literal. No human being could ever have more authority than the average person over God's message either. No human being should ever be put on a pedestal above the rest. And why churches? If you have to have a special place to believe in God, then how can you say you truly believe? Especially when those places beg for your money. And are tax exempt. I bet if God told them to kill someone, these people would blindly follow through- never questioning the nature of God himself and why a Being of that nature would never demand for murder.
Back to the clinical, people would look at what Im saying and just assume Im crazy. Their "solution" for "broken" people is to have them talk to a therapist, aka another human being, a human being thats supposed to not act like a human being and instead a God-like being who is incapable of human error and bias. And if you speak up about how flawed that is, or just overall the corrupt nature of psychiatry in general, you get told youre being unreasonable. Nevermind how despite mental health "awareness" being an all time high, suicide rates are also at an all time high as well. Dont get me started on how people act like "oh yeah dude, its totally normal for you to see 5-10 different therapists before you find the fight one". No dude, it sint normal. And maybe that mentality is why suicide is at an all time high, ever thought of that? Isnt it funny how once I stopped caring about psychiatry, thats when I learned how to actually get better? If you laid my whole life out on display, its crazy how functional I am now compared to then. Im more functional than my own fucking LO, make it make sense. Do you have any idea what I gone through in life? I have never gotten help, and when I tried getting help I was at my lowest. Funny how that works. I take no medication yet I am the most functional Ive ever been in my entire life compared to back when I did take medication. And for every aliments one has, theres always a label. People and their labels, man. Even when it comes to stuff like "LO" and limerence, I use these terms as a better descriptor on how I feel. But I dont identify with these terms. People always have labels for everything nowadays. And people have it so warped that they think these labels are "setting them free" when its really just putting themselves in a box. Thats just the human nature though, we try to make sense what we dont understand. Its unavoidable, yet I still find it silly. Has people become more hedonistic or have we all became more aware of our hedonistic nature? Whos to say we werent always like this, just in a different way, a way thats been forgotten then replaced as time progressed? Corruption has always been a thing. We've always been selfish and lowly, just as humanity always been good spirited.
I dont know man, theres more I can say and I know this post is already a hot, probably incoherent mess bouncing from one subject to the next. But I needed to get it off my chest one way or another, in some form. Its early in the morning and I got work soon. Maybe one day Ill find a way to write everything in detail and organize it in a cohesive way. That takes being interested in doing so, though. And whether I write anything out doesnt matter, people arent gonna care anyways. Its not gonna change anything. Not that Id want it to change. Wanting that is like wanting to have superpowers. Like duh, everyone wants that.