Cant let go quotes poemsv

Hello everyone, I'm a 24-year-old male who has been struggling with alcoholism for a year now. It started with 2 beers a night at university and in 3-4 months it escalated to a bottle of vodka a day. I was so desperate and couldn't go anywhere without a plastic bottle filled with vodka to hide it from anyone. During this period, no one ever noticed anything strange about me, but I was depressed from just the fact that I couldn't be off alcohol anymore.
Now let me get to this past month. I was having problems like dizziness, feeling like I was going to faint, and my blood pressure was around 140/95 all the time with a heart rate around 100-105 bpm. I was having very bad times and couldn't even sleep because of it, so I went to the doctors, and they started running all sorts of tests. I was worried to tell them about my alcohol use because my general practitioner is my aunt, so I kept it hidden from them. 3 weeks ago, they found out that I have pretty bad liver tests, high levels of ferritin and uric acid in the blood. On a CT scan, they also found out that I have a fatty liver.
This scared me fucking shitless. In one week, I cut down from 500ml of vodka to 250ml of vodka, and it was so fucking hard. I couldn't sleep, was sweating, and my heart felt like it would jump out of my chest. I was most worried about my heart because I had heard that it could potentially be dangerous, but I was so scared that I just went with it and continued. After that, I dropped from 250ml to 80ml of vodka in another week (so that means from 500ml to 80ml in two weeks). This jump subjectively felt better, but I still felt my heart pumping too fast, and I couldn't sleep much. Now it's been 2 and a half weeks, and I'm on 50ml (1 shot) a day in the afternoon. I feel much better, my heart rate dropped from 105 bpm to 80, which is huge, and I can't wait to drop alcohol altogether.
The problem is that I still sometimes feel like something is wrong with my heart. I sometimes get these episodes where I almost feel like I'm going to faint, and my head aches, sometimes my belly aches, but my most significant concern is my heart. When I had a CT scan 3 weeks ago, the doc said my heart and lungs are fine. Should I be worried, is it still the withdrawals, and is it just my body adjusting to life without alcohol? I take magnesium supplements and milk thistle extracts to help my liver plus vitamin B complex
I wish you all strength if you go through all of this. <3

I don't know how many other women have experienced this, but my mother seems to think that if a man asks for your attention or to touch you nicely, you were obligated to give in. Even if you have a partner or simply don't want to. This goes doubly if the man is not conventionally attractive because he just wants to talk to a pretty girl.
Years ago I was at a wedding with my family, but my boyfriend wasn't invited. A guy came up and asked me to dance and I declined. My mother threw a hissy fit and started to make a scene to force me to dance with this man. I danced one dance and tried to get away, but he grabbed my arm and wouldn't let go and grabbed my body again. After the next dance I forcefully remove myself and ran back to the table and reported back what he had done. He had the nerve to come back a little while later and ask again, which I strongly declined while my mother glared at me and hissed that I was being a bitch.
The funny thing is my mother also likes to say I'm naive and going to get murdered for it and that I can't even walk places in broad daylight by myself. But I'm also supposed to serve men just because they ask nicely?

Hi, I've been having a lot of trouble with getting this game to be playable on my laptop since launch day and I don't know what else to do so I'm reaching out for some troubleshooting advice and help if anyone would be so kind.
My current setup is an AMD Ryzen 5 7520U, with 16GB of RAM (15.2GB usable), using Windows 11 (not in S mode) as the operating system. I have a Toshiba Canvio 4TB external hard drive with the Steam version of the game installed on it like all of my other PC games. My AMD drivers are up to date at version 24.5.1 too. Aside from that I'm not sure what else I should specify about my laptop/setup but if more information is needed let me know. I just got into PC gaming this year and so far it's been great for Guardians of the Galaxy, GTA V, several Assassin's Creed games, and even heavily modded Skyrim and Fallout 4,
My current issues: - The game is stuttering or lagging to the point where everything looks and feels like it's in slow motion. I can't even rotate the camera or move around without extreme delay and stuttering. This caused issues with combat and timing in the intro level and I couldn't even attempt to sneak through the village at the beginning of the game. - There are blue and white flashes coming from different light sources like torches that keep randomly popping up (like a lighting/texture glitch?) and it is apparent as soon as I load in the game since the main menu is pausing every few seconds and the tall grass is flickering blue. - These issues are happening in gameplay and during cinematics.
"Fixes" I've tried: - Adjusted all in-game graphics and display settings to match several different "optimized" lists I've found listed in this subreddit, as well as Steam Communties, and other gaming websites. Most of the time I've set these to low or medium specific layouts or layouts specific for low end PCs but I've tried high and very high several times too. -Adjusted V-Sync, anti-aliasing, frame generation, dynamic resolution scaling and upscale methods in different capacities - Disabled full-screen optimizations, and ran the program as an administrator - Switched between windowed, full-screen, and exclusive full-screen modes with the aforementioned different "optimized settings". - Disabled Steam overlays, and I don't think I have GeForce Experience or Nvidia as far as I know. But I haven't deleted the folder containing the PSN overlays just in case I do decide to try Legends mode but if that's the only fix I'll give it a shot. - Turned off Windows Defender and whatever default anti-virus was on my laptop. I don't have MalwareBytes and never even heard of it until people started suggesting to disable it in other support threads so that can't be it either.. - I've restarted my laptop in between different major setting changes - Quit or turned off unnecessary background processes and apps And that's pretty much everything I can remember.
I'm sorry for such a long post that may sound negative but I've tried to be as specific as possible so I don't waste anyone's time. It's just like every solution that worked for someone else isn't doing anything at all to affect gameplay for me and I'm almost ready to give up on playing this game. I just don't want to though because I keep seeing how praised it's been and how beautiful it can actually look and play on low end systems and even the SteamDeck. I don't want to assume but I'd hope my laptop is just as capable as a SteamDeck if not more. I just don't want to miss out on this amazing experience everyone else seems to be having. I've waited for years to get into this because I don't own a Playstation and didn't plan to pick it up for just this game and now that I finally have a chance it's not working properly. Could anyone, please, help me figure this out and what's going wrong or what I'm doing wrong?
Thanks for your time!

Im a 31 year old female with endometriosis and ADHD. I weigh 45kg and 154cm in height. White, female, generally pretty healthy bar the endometriosis and physically active. Take ADHD meds during day and melatonin at night usually for ADHD related sleep onset issues.
Now on codeiene 30mg, Pregabalin 50mg x 3 times per day. Anti sickness meds from post op complications and suspected pudenal neuraglia.
I had a larsoscopy in January. My aterty was cut (unsure which bit likely a branch of lilo lumbar or espgatric) I bled into my pelvis and labia and crashed in the ward a few hours after surgery. I developed a grade 3 hematoma. The hospital discharged me with no follow up or aftercare plan so no one has physically assessed me since surgery bar my GP. My GP arranged an ultrasound 4 weeks post op to confirm blood has reasborded. I had a UTI around this time, which resolved. However the nausea, stabbing pains in hematoma site, reduced ability to open my bowels/bladder, reduced sensitivity on my left and labia have not resolved. My GP suspects nerve damage, and I am now on Pregabalin as a result to manage the burning sensation and pain in my groin. I can barely walk or sit some days due to pain. I've been on Pregabalin 2 months so fairly adjusted to it. It brings some relief.
However, Everytime I have a "pain flare up" my former hematoma site darkens and becomes bruised, this can be from as little as having sex or walking to trying to do more physical activity. This builds up over days until it is sore to touch and I begin to lose mobility due to pain. Opening my bowels and fully emptying my bladder becomes almost impossible, to the point I'm in agony just going to the toilet. I've started to manually evacuate (I've done this occasionally for many years due to IBS related to endometriosis) and notice how blocked my actual back passage feels, it feels like there is this bump pushing down into it from the part close to my vagina that I cant seem to adjust or move. I cannot tolerate insertion to my vagina that is at 12 o'clock (near my bladder) or six o'clock (near my rectum).
Yesterday I lost my footing due to trying to get off the toilet after weeing due to stabbing pain in surgery site after emptying my bladder. I noticed the entire area has developed patches of brown/blue markings, and I am experiencing loose bowel motions and today. The pain is so bad I can't sit anymore today and have been in bed most the day. My usual stretches and pain killers are bringing no relief.
My GP is concerned and has referred me to a urologist, endo specialist and rectal surgeon. My boyfriend is also a doctor (junior) and has no idea why the bruising appears and what causes these bad pain flares.
If anyone has any ideas or in this area, please let me know.

Hi I wasn't quite sure who to speak to about this so I decided to use a burner account.
So I 18F have known this guy, 18M (let's call him Connor) since we were kids. Like we have known each other since birth. Now Connor and I live about an hour away from each other and our families used to meet up a bit when we were younger. However, about 5 years ago or so our mums fell out and so we didn't see each other for 5 years. Yet a few months ago, my grandma died and as Connor's mum and my grandma were quite close. We actualy ended up meeting up because we went to visit my grandpa on the same day thatConnor went to the same area to see a play (of a GCSE text that he studies). When our families met up I was actualy taken by surprise, I remembered Connor a bit form when I was younger but of course he was all grown up now and so different than my memory. Not that I'd admit it in my teenage embarrassment but I found Connor really quite cute and after dinner, we went on a small walk round the village to just talk because we were around the same age and our parents went off to get ice cream. We talked about our schools (him going to an all boys school and ke just a public one) and how different they were. I really enjoyed talking to Connor and so when he asked if I had snapchat I of course said yes. Before this I didn't use it like at all. I didn't have any snapstreaks and only had it installed. But after this we kept on talking every day and it was really quite nice to have a friends a friends I spoke to every day.
However at some point my friend, Braleigh (17F but 18 in 2 days) found out about Connors existence because I think my friends spoke about him because ethey kept on teasing him about me (they asked what I did at the weekend and when I said I met a family friend they all made innuendos). Now Braleigh and I hadn't been friends very long but she enjoyed teasing me about Connor but after begging for weeks, I finally showed a photo of him to her and her friends (My first mistake). She said he was ugly and I couldn't really defend him because at this point I hadn't even accepted the crush myself. So time progressed and at some point around Christmas, Connor asked me to give her snaochat to me because he enjoyed teasing her when on my phone. I didn't want to but he said something like "come on don't be boring" and I stupidly accepted.
Now one thing you need to know about Braleigh is she is very good at trying to message guys. No offence to her but she isn't the most attractive but she gives attention to many guys (even in lower years) and is very well experienced. Up until this point she had been in a relationship for about a month with her first boyfriend (now ex) in the year above.
Now I wa strally worried when driving home and when he began to give slower response times than usual I began to get really worried that he was messaging her back and not me (ehich he's fine to fo its his life) but I was in denial about my feelings at this point. Now my family ended up visiting his a few weeks later just after Christmas and ge said he blocked her and we even got into an argument about him not long before. She aid I was acting "stroppy" and ignoring her (she was talking about a time I felt really sick and wanst speaking to anyone just sat with my head in my hands). She said "fine I'll block him" and I thought that was that. She playfully joked about sharing his snapchat to the people in my school because they were all interested about this "Mystery Connor, [my] boyfriend." No matter how often I told them we weren't dating, they didn't drop it (mainly because I'm not really attractive and am not really expected to find love)
Time skip to a few weeks ago. Braleigh and I fell out because some of her friends were gossiping about her behind her back. One of her friends said that it was awkward in lesson when I gave her ex-boyfriemd (This is Braighleigh's second and they had been going out for a month and a half give or take). I said yeah but wanted wanted to drop it because she'd already said the same thing in the lesson and I didn't think it wa say of our business. Now some people started calling her a slag and I think unintentionally U said something that supported that (which I would never want it to be my intention) but two days later she ended up sending me loads of accusatory texts. Now I said to her that I didn't say anything like that and it's mone of my business about her relationships. But a day later she said "why did you lie" and I just didn't want want get involved and said well I'm confused now but I'm sorry. I don't think it's best if we hang out for a bit etc. (Which is fine because she isn't even in my main group of friends she was just a good friend I had outside of that). She said good and a thought that was it. However, the next day at school, she started standing really close to me and my friends where we were stood, talking (like half a meter, it was concerning) and I could see her constantly turning to look at me in teh corner of my eye. I just ignored ignored because I'm sure it would blow over. Yet next week, a friend if mine said oh at Braighlrigh was gossiping about you behind your back. And I said well that's annoying yet she's being hippocritcial is that's what she claimed I did but oh well, it didn't affect me directly, she can do what she wants. I continued to ignore her because eif she wanted to talk then she can approach me but U have other, better friends so uts fine. I haven't spoken about her once (not yo her friends or anyone else) and it really was a thing of out of sight, out of mind situation.
Cut to today where Connor snaps me saying, somethings happening. I said in what way? He said Braghleigh added me... I said OK... and he said that she told him all of what happened and he wasn't picking sides yet. Which kind of annoyed me because me falling out with Braigheigh has nothing to do with him and now she's dragging in out. So I told him, you're great but it has nothing to to with you. And he agreed. But I can't say that I went into a shop with my family and just started stressing (to the point where tears started started fall unwillingly). And I began to feel sick. This only happened once before when Braighleigh said Connor looked fit in a photo and whilst I felt sick for the rest of the day I also pushed it to the back of my mind because she was in a relationship.
Now I know that I can't control either of their actions, they're both poeple in their own right because U really know what I want to do. I want to move on from this guy that I'm left crying over but can't seem to do it. Like I don't know what to do and haven't even been in a situation where I've liked a guy like this or this much. It genuinely make some feel ill and don't know what to do. Could someone give advice. Please and thank you :)

First, I want to be clear that I didn't especially want to do co-op, but my room mate said that I might miss out on certain aspects of the game. Against my better judgement I decided to try it. Mostly lower level players It actually went very well. We took the base and got alot of loot. I was surprised. So the next day one of these players comms me and says lets go do some missions. I say okay, a challenging one. He says the Behemoth area. We chopper to bivuac and get APCs. Now he's asking me to have equipment outside my level, and have optical cammo and now he's upset. He says Im taking my APC to the other side and when i say to shoot go ahead. I aim my grenade laucher around a corner at the Behemoth and he says go and all hell breaks loose. Im getting off shots while running in circles from rockets and that damn Red Spot and this guy is hollering and screaming something that I cant hear over explosions. I get off two more vollies and then he shreiks " THROW THE THING!!! THROW THE THING!!! (What "thing"? The hell??) He's 20 meters from the Behemoth in the open doing something and of course a turret cuts him to pieces. Im alive and hes dead, and the Behemoth stopped moving. When the guy is back, he starts screaming This m$therfu@er this and You M#therfu@er that and f*ckity f#ck f&ck f@ck. So I just turned off the conole altogether. I did not engage. I wasn't as mad as I was frustrated because I knew this was probably going to happen. I did everthing he said except "throw the thing". Now its my fault that he was dead, that he was incompetent, that he used no tactics or stealth, and got his ass shot up. He was 40 levels above me so I thought he knew what he was doing. He didn't. He was an incompetent hilljack shitkicker and I should have known by his screename. Even with the minimal military experience i have (not infantry) I can stealth, manouver, cammo and do things that keep your ass alive, even in this game. He barely did any of that.This player was a moron and got what he deserved.
So let me ask, how miserable and unfulfilled must a persons life be that they take their crap and bring it online just to abuse and denigrate other players? Of the three people Ive played with on comms, one was a shreiker, the other spent his time snearing at my equipment and telling me I "need to get better". Dont you think I fucking know that? Youre 275. Im 140. Are you an idiot? The third guy was German. (I wish I could remember his screenname) He was civil and helpful. He knew I was way lower than him and gave me advice in a calm decent manner, not being a raging smarmy asshole in any way. So its like that huh? I have to find players internationally to play with rational humans? That is totally sad and pathetic.
There are those, type A pseudo-alphas, who would say I'm just being a snowflake and suck it up. The reality of that is that I'm not expecting any more civility than your momma taught or beat into you. And if she didnt, you come on Breakpoint to show what a big bad alpha you are, right?
I have been playing for three weeks. Im level 160 something. My stats say Ive put over 80 hours into this game (and that I killed one Behemoth. That guy can suckit.) I dont think Im being a slouch. I have no one to compare to but I assume Im making normal progress.
For now I'm going to play with my AIs. They dont shreik and they actually yell "Repect!" when I tear up vehicles with my Stoner. Its interesting that Germans and robots are more civil than a LOT of domestic players. Gotta wonder bout that.
If, by chance, you are a sane person, have a sense of humor, and know how to act like an adult, and are aware of my level and equipment, feel free to reach out to do some well thought out missions and have some laughs. I guess my role is "Tank" because I like using heavy weapons (love my Stoner, grenade launcher, rockets (when i figure out how to access them, it says I have 4 or 5.)
I am ascertaining now whether fragging works on Breakpoint. Im going to find out.
I apologize that this went long, but I sure as hell needed to get this off my chest.
psn: ikkonoklastt

So basically i want to buy gta 5 and i see it in the launcher as normal however i want to buy it on steam beause its discounted but when i go to the page i cant add to cart it only offers me buying shark cards i have a rockstar account and im not age restricted so if somone can let me know if its a problem or its meant to be like that would be much appreciated also im from uk so its not a currency diff

Finished my latest build, still tweaking here and there but mostly happy with it. It's on the plot NW of Brighthaven, and currently has about 725 tiles. Might have gone a bit overboard there....
I'm running my own private server so various limits have been increased; total tiles, height, etc.
You can see a ton of pics HERE.
Used admin commands to clip stuff into stuff. You can do some cool things like:
Place a fountain where it normally wouldn't go, and put a tree inside it
Put furniture under the pergola's, as it should
Put a pergola where it doesn't want to be, and connect a garden fence to it
Make a nice lighted centerpiece for your tables
Finally connect those damn hedges as they should
Put a working garden fence in the hedge 'door' where it belongs
This one is subtle but put a brazier inside the waypoint gargoyles to make 'em creepier
Park statues inside lights, or lights inside statues, for cool effects
Put stuff on tables, combine items, have gargoyles peek out of walls, etc
Combine a pillar, 4 fireplaces, and 4 gargoyles to make a neat furnace for your boiler room
Have the smoke stacks outside of the walls
Put a bigass fountain in the walls of your dining room to make it even more ostentatiouser
Any many more...
How to do that in case people are interested:

1. You need to be able to use the 'adminauth' command in the console to give yourself the admin rights. If you're running your own server you probably already know how to do this. I don't know how this works in the private game options.
2. Enable observer mode by typing 'toggleObserver 2'. This lets your character clip into objects if needed. You can disable it by typing 'toggleObserver 0'.
3. Place the item you want to move somewhere nearby, in the orientation/rotation you want it.
4. Move your char to the exact center of the spot where you want to move the item.
5. Place your cursor over the item you want to move and type 'teleport ClosestUnitToCursor Self'. This will move the item closest to your mouse cursor to your exact location, clipping into whatever is there.

Getting things in the exact spot can be a bit tricky but there's a few tricks you can use to make it easier by binding the commands to keys:

console.bind c teleport ClosestUnitToCursor Self console.bind i toggleObserver 0 console.bind o toggleObserver 2 

This will bind the c key to the teleport command. The i key to normal no-clipping mode, and the o key to clipping mode. Use whichever keys you find handy. Hit o to go stand in the spot, hover over the item that needs moving, hit c. If the location is off enable build mode and move the item back, move your char a bit, and teleport it again. It can take a couple of tries.
Be careful because the teleport command will happily move whatever it thinks you selected. It'll yoink a growing plot out from under a flower, or grab a wall-fixed light from 3 floors over. There's no undo-button so you'll have to go fix it yourself :)
Note that you can move a lot of stuff, but not everything. Walls, windows, doorways, stairs, carpets,etc cannot be moved. Neither can anything that goes flush on a wall, like vegetation.
The big fountain in particular has a rather large invisible hitbox above it; so if you move it too far under stairs or whatever it could block off the stairs with an invisible wall.
Note that you can't disassemble objects, nor shapeshift, while you're in the clipping mode.
Have fun clipping stuff into other stuff!

No matter how many times I've tried to explain it to her, my mom simply refuses to understand or give me any sort of support regarding this issue. I've had misophonia since I was a kid (I'm 20 now) and she knew that I had an issue with sounds even then (back then it was mostly just loud chewing).
Recently I was eating dinner and had to put headphones on because the neighbor's dog wouldn't stop barking. When she walked in, she gave me such a disappointed and disapproving look. Or when my dog starts barking and I go outside to try to get him to shut up, she'll always make a snarky comment like, why do you keep dogs if you won't let them bark? Mind you, my dogs are 15 and 12 years old and are like family members to me, so of course I can't get rid of them.
It's so exhausting dealing with this alone. I feel like she thinks that, if she shows me any sort of support it'll mean that she's encouraging my "behavior"? or something along those lines. And I realize that she'll never understand or accept me the way I am. But it still hurts when it's your own mother. It makes me wonder if anyone will ever love me the way I am.
Do your loved ones understand? Do they offer you any sort of support? And if not, have you come to terms with it? Does it ever stop being hurtful?

"Heya guys I am Brandon Sanderson pleased to meet you"
This line has been appearing without end in my dreams as of late. On the walls, glowing red on the insides of my eyelids, scrawled in coagulating blood on mirrors... I just can't seem to stop it. Well, you know how writing is, tee hee! The ol' voices only stop when you put pen to paper (not literally. I use a keyboard most of the time? Though I've heard most still use paper and quill from a trusted source.).
So, in order to appease them, I've decided that I should put Brandon Sanderson in my novel and have him say this. However, I'm not sure how to go about it. Do I literally put the guy, as if this were some isekai, coming to my fantasy world post-die, straight as he is, not batting an eye? Or do I just slap his name onto one of my characters and call it a day? (I'm worried the latter could be considered inauthentic. I've never read any of his stuff, but I've heard that if you do, you have to take him on as your patron saint, and as I mention below, I'm not the type to want to be affixed to a cross! Let alone by nerdy book-reading zealots...)
Also, I'm a little concerned about copyright. Is Brandon Sanderson a copyrighted character? Do you think they'd make the exception for me? I really wanna be published, so this is important, but I also don't wanna be crucified by the voices for going against them (they've been dragging it closer to the foot of my bed every 7 days to remind me who's in charge) so I need to find some compromise.
And just one last thing, all my characters tend to be really racist. It just happens. Write what you know, if you get my gist. I think it makes them more nuanced and really shows that not all racists mean any harm! But I get that the masses don't get this and someone from the legal team might be forced to issue a cease and desist because of all those angry fans who don't know what's best, or, worse, the houses would refuse to publish my special novel (this would be bad because I wouldn't get published). Assuming we get the earlier paragraph sorted out, how racist do you think I could make him? Maybe just some implications here and there? Or maybe it's okay if I do show don't tell and make him express his feelings through actions instead of walking up to the camera (I write so it'll be adapted into a movie someday, for context) and stating everything that composes him as the rest of my characters do?
Thanks for the help. Gee, writing can be tough, huh? Luckily we have each other.

I got a ticket in '21 for no seat belt in Louisiana. Hurricane Ida hit and my house was in shambles. We evacuated and had to live away from our house for weeks. In dealing with the fallout I forgot about the ticket and my license was suspended 6 months later. When I realized this, I payed the ticket immediately.
I then went through the difficult process of dealing with the OMV. They were still affected by COVID and getting in touch with a person was difficult. I can't remember what happened because it was 2 years ago, but I really thought I had taken care of everything with the OMV. I thought my license was reinstated and I could drive. Looking through my records now I can see a charge on my bank statement to the OMV of $17 for reinstatement (it should have been $100). I have no recept or other information of the payment.
Fast forward to this year, I got pulled over for a speeding ticket, and the officer said my license was suspended (still from not paying the seat belt violation). I was shocked. He took my license and gave me 2 tickets (speeding and driving while suspended) but let me drive 3 blocks to my house. I got in touch with the OMV and this time had a super easy time getting my license reinstated and I could see it was valid on the LA Wallet app.
This is where I did something really stupid. I tried to pay both tickets and realized I had to go to court for the Driving While Suspended charge. I went in expecting to plead not guilty and explain to the judge what happened, but that day the judge wasn't hearing anything other than a plea. The young lady in front of me tried to tell her story but the judge said she would have to plead not guilty to have her case heard.
There were so many things going through my head. I had so little time to think, I thought I was in traffic court and I didn't think this was a serious crime. I had yet to find in my records I had paid $17 to the OMV for the first attempt to reinstate. I thought the only penalty was going to be a fine. I just wanted to get it over and done with. So I plead guilty. I paid my fine and went on living and driving thinking this was finished.
This weekend I got a letter from the OMV saying because I was convicted my driving privileges are suspended for a YEAR. Not being able to drive for a year is devastating to me and my family. I had NO idea this was going to happen.
My question is what should I do now? Is there any one I can talk to to have my plea reversed? Should I get a lawyer (I'm really scared of having a large financial burden because of lawyer fees)?
I know hardship license exists but I'm scared of the driving restrictions. I have a job working self employed with a nonprofit. My job is weird. I drive to at least 5 different locations a week. I have conferences and service trips I go to in different states. I have to schedule to meet with people for donation purposes at random times. Not to mention driving kids to school, Dr visits, psych visits for my son's ADHD. But should I give up and go this route and try to work my life around it?
Sorry I know this is an information dump, but I'm not sure what info is relevant. I need help and I really don't know what I'm doing. At least some pointers in where to get started would be helpful. I'm trying to meet with someone from the DA's office today to see if they could help (a friend knows someone there). But if that doesn't help, I want to know what to do next.
TL; DR: Made a dumb decision and plead guilty to to driving while suspended instead of waiting to explain my case to the judge. Didn't realize the penalty and now a seatbelt violation has turned into a year suspension from driving.

Title.
Since I've started, I've known self care aka self heal is the highest tier survivor perk, as it inpliments an entire, always practical (albeit slow) mechanic, and have run it every game except for when I do gen or sneak themed loadouts. However now, it's pretty much become necessary for me, as I hate finding myself without it.
In addition, I'm sure many people would agree botany, aka +50% healing speed, to be a must have while using self care, not only to speed up self care but also for healing other survivors in a timely manner.
However, the third perk I find completely necessary comes from Jeff: Distortion. Anti wall hacks. What's worse than tunneling? Unearned tunneling right off the bat. The game is deadly hide and seek. Imagine if all games of hide and seek started off with you just knowing where the hiders are. It's the most obnoxious thing in the game (yes, even more obnoxious than trolls/throwers, because at least they can be easily reported with video proof and punished after the fact, where as wveryone pretends instant wall hacks are just "skill" smh). But I digress. Distortion is the third, arguably first, best/most necessary perk in the game. The only downside is that you're gambling on the slot because rhere are a few casual killer players that don't use wall hack perks, but overall I find it much better to be safe than sorry.
Now perk number 4 is actually where I'm having the most trouble, and is the main reason I'm posting this question. What IS the fourth best survivor perk? Obviously there are many valid options. Deliverance is the first to come to mind. After all, who doesn't love a free self unhook? Although not guaranteed if you're the first one to go down or other players keep stealing your unhooks. Calm spirit can be good, like a lower budget version of distortion. Claudette's (she's stacked yall) third perk where you can see injured teammates auras is also very viable. There's also Unbreakable aka free self pick-up, for those obnoxious situations where everyone is left to bleed out, but that's rare. There are also the highly practical gen perks Prove Thyself (+10% speed each on sane gen) and Deja Vu (see 3, +6% speed). That one perk that hides your scratch marks and blood after getting hit is good too. Lastly, there's the infamous Decisive Strike (free wiggle escape after high skill check), but I find it to be a waste unless facing ultra aggressive tunnelers since it only activates once and has a 60 second timer.
But, I guess if I had to pick the fourth best perk, it would ultimately have to go to left behind, bills perk that let's you see the hatch aura within 32 meters. Although throwers will unfortunately make use of this as well, that can't be helped (aside from reporting). As for me, it alleviates my stress when I see all 3 of my teammates are avoiding gens like the plague, but gives me hope that I can still win when we inevitably don't finish all the gens, if im lucky enough to be last one alive.
Let me know your guys' thoughts. Obviously these are opinions/preference, and I'd love to hear your guys' opinions, as long as they're actually yours and not just blind sheep meta regurgitation, lol.

Synopsis
Resol’s IOT is a novel series about an attempt by the main character called Resol to make the world a post scarcity society.
Resol IOT: MAMA apartments is a novel about an attempt by the main character, Resol, to try and introduce a new housing model called MAMA apartments, to continue his journey of trying to make the world a post scarcity society.
MAMA apartments consists of houses connected by an elevator system to a food and clothes hub.
When people in these houses need food or clothes, they order from the food or clothes hub and they are brought directly into the mini elevator, inside the house, by small pods from the hubs through the elevator system.
When they finish eating or wearing the food or clothes, they use the pods to return the dirty dishes or clothes to the hubs for cleaning and storing.
These houses don’t require a permanent kitchen, closet, appliances etc. making them simple enough to be cleaned by autonomous robots.
But as Resol's dream takes flight, it encounters formidable obstacles.
Can he navigate the treacherous waters of bureaucracy, technological barriers and opposition to realize his vision? Or will the hurdles prove to be too strong and force him to abandon his vision?
"Resol IOT: MAMA Apartments" is a gripping tale of innovation, ambition, and the indomitable human spirit.
Join Resol on a journey that transcends the boundaries of imagination, and discover the true power of vision in a world teetering on the brink of change.

 Episode 1 

Resol stood by the bedside, his tailored suit impeccable even in the soft morning light filtering through the curtains.
Wendy, his wife, lay nestled in the sheets, her curls splayed across the pillow, still caught in the gentle embrace of sleep.
" I'm off to the office for the inaugural meeting on the evaluation of MAMA apartments," Resol murmured, his voice breaking the peaceful silence of the room. Wendy stirred slightly, her eyelids fluttering open.
"Already?"
"Yes, I have been waiting for this day all my life," said a smiling Resol, “We used to say we want to build houses connected to a food and clothes hub, and now we have achieved that goal and have actually built them in real life."
"Just... don't push them too hard when things are not as you expected, okay? They've been working hard, too."
"I have to," Resol responded, his tone tinged with urgency. "You know the business might not produce as much revenue for long. We only have one shot at this."
Wendy nodded. Resol slipped out of the room, the door closing softly behind him.
Outside, the morning air was crisp as he made his way to his Range Rover, the engine purring to life beneath him.
As he navigated the streets toward the MAMA apartments main office, his thoughts swirled with the impending meeting.
After about a 30-minute drive, he finally reached the office building containing the MAMA apartments office.
He went inside and was greeted with warm respect and admiration by the secretary, Sharon.
She led him to the meeting room and as they entered, his eyes lit up at the sight of his friend, Daniel, seated alone.
A wide grin spread across Resol's face as they embraced.
"It's been long," Resol exclaimed, patting his friend on the back.
"Absolutely. I am always happy to meet the man who forever changed education by replacing writing with voice and lip sync commands."
Resol smiled and glanced around the room, then turned back to Daniel. "Where are the main project managers?"
Daniel, engrossed in his phone, looked up briefly. "I told them I'd let them know when you arrived."
"Why's that?"
Daniel smirked. "I didn’t want them anxious in here waiting for you. You know you are bigger than life, right?"
A chuckle escaped Resol's lips.
Daniel leaned back in his chair. "By the way, I tested the houses. They are just as we imagined back in the day."
Relief washed over Resol's features. "Really?"
Before Daniel could answer, two well-dressed gentlemen entered the meeting room.
Daniel greeted them warmly before he introduced them to Resol.
"Mr. Feli, meet Jeff, the project manager for construction, and Malik, the project manager for automation."
"Pleasure to meet you both."
Daniel excused himself with a nod and left the meeting room.
"Have you completed the MAMA apartment complexes in all three locations?" asked Resol.
"Yes, but there's both good news and bad news," said Malik.
Resol closed his eyes briefly. "Tell me the good news first."
Malik cleared his throat. "The good news is that we've successfully tested all three MAMA apartments, and they're functioning perfectly."
A small sigh of relief escaped Resol's lips. "And what's the bad news?"
"Unfortunately," Malik paused, "we couldn't finish the automations for the food and clothes hub."
Resol's shoulders slumped.
After a few seconds of silence, Malik continued, "We needed to ensure that the automation and systems we created were flawless before the deadline."
Resol ran a hand through his hair. "The selling point of MAMA apartments is the automation."
"The automations..." Malik began, but Resol cut him off with a wave of his hand.
"There's no need for further explanation. I'll see the reality for myself as we do the assessments. But if the amount of automation is not as we agreed on the plan, then I guess we will have to let you go."
“We are sorry boss, we tried our best,” said Jeff.
"That's enough explanation for today," Resol declared, glancing at his watch. "I have a meeting with the Education Minister in an hour. Tomorrow, I expect to start the on-site assessment of the apartments."
As he offered them a handshake, Jeff asked, "Which location would you like to do the assessment?" Resol paused for a moment. "I'll choose randomly in the morning."
Both Jeff and Malik looked startled by his response and they exchanged a quick glance.
"But, sir," Malik began, "shouldn't we plan the assessment—"
"They're all the same, aren't they?"
The two men nodded.
"Very well then," Resol continued as he straightened his tie. "I'll leave it to you to plan the assessment, and decide what you'll start showing me in any apartment complex I choose."
"Thank you, sir," they said almost in unison.
"Gentlemen, it was a pleasure meeting you both," Resol said with a nod, before exiting the room.
He headed to the headquarters of his main company, Mkufu.
There, he met with the education minister and spent the rest of the day working.
He finally returned to his grand mansion as the evening sun dipped below the horizon.
As he entered the living room, he found Wendy engrossed in documentaries on the television.
Her attention was focused, but she glanced up with a warm smile as Resol approached.
"Hey, how was your day?"
Resol managed a small smile in return. "It went okay. The project managers assured me that the houses are ready to house people now."
Wendy's eyebrows furrowed slightly. "But something's bothering you, isn't it?"
Resol sighed and sank onto the couch beside her. "They haven't finished all the automations we planned."
Wendy slapped her forehead gently and then slid her hands down her face. "I knew it. I told you we should have started with minimum automation and added more as time went on. Now we have lost time and we are still in the same position."
"We can't change what's already done. Let's not make conclusions or blame each other until after the assessment."
Just then, their four-year-old son, Zack, bounded into the room, his face lit up with excitement at seeing his parents.
Both Resol and Wendy's faces brightened instantly at the sight of their beloved son.
"Mom! Dad!" Zack exclaimed, running over to them. Wendy scooped him up into her arms, showering him with kisses. "Hey there, champ! Did you have a good day?"
Zack nodded enthusiastically. "Yeah!"
As Wendy carried Zack off to his room for some playtime before dinner, Resol followed behind, his heart feeling lighter at the sight of his family together.
Thank you. I will post the 2nd episode tommorow!

And I'm so tired of it. I'm super insecure about my chest size, and literally the only silver lining I can find is the fact that I don't need the lift or support that comes with wearing a bra. Still looking perky without one is the only thing I have going for me in the chest department, and she won't even let me have that without constant shaming every single time we go out in public together. Comments about the obscenity of my nipples, the fact that I must be attention seeking, me looking slutty/trampy, etc etc flow free and liberally now that warmer weather is here and I'm beginning to wear thinner tops most days and I don't even know how to respond anymore.
It's not like I haven't tried. My wideset 36B/C boobs have virtually no fullness or volume above the nipple so it's impossible for me to get cleavage or properly fill out moulded cups, pushup bras look like a ridiculous strapped-on disjointed hunk of padding and pretty much any other bra style I've found just seems to squish down and flatten what little I'm working with here even further. They hurt my back, actively worsen my body image, and are a waste of money all around. Going braless is the only way I feel even somewhat comfortable and confident with my silhouette and I'm sick to death of being basically slutshamed for the simple fact that my anatomy exists. Why is it an accepted societal norm that busty women (my boyfriend's mom included) get to shove themselves into too-tight padded bras that they're basically popping out of to attain the perfect Hollywood cleavage and walk around in v-necks so low that they're one boob bounce away from a nip slip when I can't use what I've got as an accessory in its own right in a way that makes me feel comfortable and confident without negative comments galore? It's such a messed up double standard. What can I say to get her to stop?

I apologize in advance for the length of this thread, but by far this is the user that wrote the most comments in the video of our song. At first, he suggested Scepter and Reign, but he debunked this lead by saying: "Scepter and Reign can be crossed off. I have been corresponding with the lady whose name is mentioned in the legal document, Naomi (first name used with her permission, and only her first name) since Thursday. She was legitimately shocked her name was on the document because in all these years NOBODY ever contacted her regarding it. She thinks they may have realized how much money it would cost and probably withdrew. She knew both bands fairly well, scale of 1-10 she answered "6.5 maybe 7'ish". She designed 1 "logo" for each band that was literally just a sketch she made with their band names on them she could print out in the Xerox store she worked at. Scepter's original name was actually "Dungeon Master" but they changed it to fit their name on her design. As for the abandoned demo from Scepter, she said they abandoned it because they couldn't afford to produce it. They didn't even make it far enough to name their 3 or 4 songs. So, on to the big question, are either bands involved with this song? According to her both bands came out in 1985, and according to her this "The Falling King" song predates both bands by a year or 2. This is not Scepter or Reign, this song is older than both bands. According to her, she first heard this song on a Detroit station while visiting family. Even back then, the Detroit station personnel had absolutely NO CLUE who this was. She remembers her father making fun of the singers accent claiming it was a "Posh" accent and also used to think the lyric was "The fall, the fall in the king" lol. I explained how this song was recorded off of several stations in 1987 and she replied "How many songs do you hear on the radio that are several years old?". She was stumped this was played on Z-Rock because this does not sound like an amateur band to her. She is not the only person to make comments that this does not sound like an amateur band, this sounds professionally recorded and produced, something EXTREMELY few amateugarage bands could have done. I thought i had something, but at least i tried. By the way, apparently Reign still performs in the Pittsburgh area under the name "Metallic Thunder"." (THIS IS HIS LATEST COMMENT) If this is true, it means our search will be even more difficult.
In one of his earliest comments he said this: "My 2 oldest sisters (born in 1970 and 1972) actually remember this song being played by garage bands and local talents in the Coatesville PA area. However, they both swear on mom and dads ashes that the first time they heard this song, a local music festival in Exton PA, I was NOT born yet (I was born in 1984). Even back then nobody could say who it was or what the title was. In fact the one band from Downingtown PA used to refer to it as "The Dungeons and Dragons song". And by that i mean, according to my sisters the lead singers girlfriend (or his sister....they could never tell?) would be in the crowd and when they were ready to end their performance she would shout "Play the Dungeons and Dragons song". My sisters also remember the adults thinking this song was somehow a promotional thing for the PA Renaissance Fair. Unfortunately they cannot offer any clues to the identity of this band or songs title, their guess, back then and still today, was Manowar."
At first, he claims our band is Manowar, explaining: "I do not think Manowar is an obscure band, nor do my sisters. The "obscure" bands mentioned in my postings are all the local garage/amateur bands that they remember playing this song and most of those garage/amateur bands even back then, along with my sisters, were under the impression this was a Manowar song. Many people, not just on this post but others feel this is Manowar "pitch" song, other bands thrown around have been Iron Maiden, Overdrive (Or Overkill, i'm not sure if it's the same band?), Blackmane, Axis and Cirith Ungol (spelling?). Keep this in mind, it's not that uncommon for mainstream/well known bands to have unreleased music in their "library". A good example, ask the most diehard Rammstein fans what their first song ever was, they'll probably answer Du Recht So Gut or Rammstein. Most people have never heard their 1992-1993 pitch song, "Tier" (Monster, beast). In fact, Till Linderman himself stated in 2018 he was unaware Tier was ever recorded by anyone, yet alone put up on the internet. Like this "Fall of the King" song, "Tier" was toted as an mystery song for years but was in a group of 4 or 5 other songs that Rammstein did but never released. One of my favorite bands, Corvus Corax, actually had something similar happen, a song they did back in the early 90's, "Vampire", opening for another band was recorded by a fan in the audience and made rounds on the Neo Folk community ages later. Corvus Corax themselves heard it on a radio station in Denmark roughly 2009'ish and called them asking how and when they got that song because they NEVER recorded it for public use. Personally i cannot give a wager who this is? I am not that good with this genre so i go with what people older than me and much better with this music say. To me it could be Manowar, something they never intended to be released publicly, it could be the Z'Rose a bunch of people feel it is, it could be Overdrive/Overkill (i do not know if these names are the same band or 2 separate ones?), it could be me time traveling impersonating my great uncle Fred......ok that last one was just meant to be a joke lol." Then someone says: "has your sister contacted erik to see about the the song?" and he says "OH HELL NO!!! They haven't spoken since they broke up in 1991-1992. I did reach out to his brother probably a year ago and never heard back."
He suggests it's either Manowar or Sarissa (he mispelled them): "@aSome1 There's some confusion, my sisters never said Z'Rose was playing the song in our hometown area. Local teenage to early college yrs bands were playing it. They recognized this song when I was on a family Zoom chat, i had this song on in the background (by accident actually lol) and my oldest sister (#1 born in '70) asked what i was listening to. I turned it up and she shook her head and asked the other sister (#2 born in '72) "Oh my gosh isn't that that stupid Manowar song Erik and his brother used to play all the time?". Erik was the name of her high school boyfriend. They remember hearing it first at an amateur music fest when my brother (born in '82) was still a baby. Mainly they remember mom fitting all of them in her old "Batmobile" station wagon. By the time i was born in '84 that station wagon was gone for at least several months. The band names they specifically remember playing this, and keep in mind these were "Garage bands" from the 80's were: Venomous Vomit, Razors in your Coffee (Erik's band), Ash to Ash, Cauldron Kings, Coven of Metal, Pridesville, South of Hell and Purgatory. They said there were a few more, but didn't remember....or care....to know their names. (Disclaimer: Several peoples associated with those mentioned bands have been contacted by me and several have replied.....the most common reply is "How the hell do you know us!?" lol)
"I have actually been looking at this song for almost 3yrs. I've had some "good leads" and some "bad leads" and i've also had "WTF leads".......but at the end it is still unsolved. So far the biggest contenders, from people way better with this music than me (I'm more a symphonic or extreme metal person) have been: Manowar, Iron Maiden, OverDrive, Overkill, Onslaught of Destruction and Sonic Mahem. My sisters really believe it is possibly an unreleased or "pitch demo" of Manowar but they also said it might be a Greek band from the early 80's called Sarassa or something like that?"
Then he denies it's Z-Rose: "@lostwavefinder587 I have seen that name tossed around a lot on forums and random chats (this being one of them). Most people way smarter and better with this music than myself seem to have the opinion that it is not Z'Rose. They range in reason from: the equipment sound professional and they were not, the dates don't add up, Z'Rose only did covers so even it is them in the recordings it's still not their song.....one individual (a supervisor at work who lived in Texas during this time frame) actually said "Z'Rose wouldn't have been sober enough to finish that song". I have only heard 1 Z'Rose recording, and unfortunately the person who recorded it (I think the date says 1989?) spends the majority of the 5 minute video talking during the performance so all i hear is them and not the singer. I have to emphasize about %99 of this info i'm presenting is NOT from me but people who know this genre of music way better than me....i'm more Symphonic metal and neo folk (Corvus Corax, Heilung, Faun etc."
"Out of curiosity, since a lot people think this might be Z'Rose, has anyone contacted the family/families of Nick or Joe Cavazos? My "team" is looking into a blog page from 2018 of a pretty intense exchange between a blogger and a woman who is believed to be "Rocker Joe's daughter. In this exchange she states this song is NOT her dad and uncle's band. But it gets pretty rough because the blogger keeps pressing and let's just say some NSFW language is exchanged. I will only say this, the woman's name does match one of the names in Julio "Joe" Cavazos obituary, but they can't tell if it is actually HER or someone posing. I also find it interesting that in another posting of this song someone is claiming to be the nephew of both Nick and Joe.....but about a dozen people ask about this song and he does not answer them......but someone else will ask something unrelated to this song and he answers??"
"About a year ago on another posting of this song, someone had a link to a conversation with a woman who was allegedly Joe Cavazos daughter. She very adamantly denied this was her dads band, Z'Rose. They person kept pressing her and she did not budge a single inch, "NO, its not my dad's band". The only thing that could be confirmed was the woman's name did match a name in Julio "Joe" Cavazos obituary as his daughter. But if it was her or not I can't say? Many peoples on other postings and on forums have all claimed to have gotten in contact with Z'Rose and stated they responded "No" to this being theirs.
So the "Kings Fall" song by Bernard Cavazos is actually a completely different song. He is also not related to the Z'Rose Cavazos. Somewhere I read that the "Kings Fall"/"Fallen King" song by Bernard Cavazos is about a corrupt politician or mafia like "king" not an actual king. Again none of this is from me, it's from things I read, not me.
When 'Wang' did a video about several mystery songs he included this one. In his video (I don't know if he made more than one?) he talked about how that Bernard Cavazos has been contacted and has denied this is his Fall of the King song. If my memory is correct Wang read a message from him explaining his "king" was a corrupt politician or gang leader like king. Wang also mentioned there was another Bernard Cavazos who was a doctor and he is sick and tired of people contacting him about this song"
Someone that replied to him said:
"@CharlesMarkward probably this tape recording was an attempt from them to make something of their own, many bands have started this way, an example is the Brazilian power metal band Angra, they were first meant to be an Iron Maiden tribute but as things went by, they have decided to release things of their own...I couldn't find anything about this "Z'Rose" band in metal-archives, neither at Google with a simple research, but the data gathered until this moment make sense: the Z Rock radio is from Texas, the so called "Z'Rose" band is also from Texas, it was the 80's, so, without internet, this was the way bands used to promote their work...but your story adds some drifts from this sensible data available until now...they are/were from Texas, ok...but until then, they weren't any big group, which means they were probably 9 to 5 salarymen whose musician activity was on weekends and the money earned wasn't enough to keep up with, so, a trip from TX to PA is a long ranged one and expensive for their then standards, I can remember when I've read the Mick Wall's Metallica biography, in which they highlight how hard was for them to go all the way from CA to NY to record Kill em' All, well, unless someone sponsored the so called "Z'Rose from Texas" (like the Zazula couple to Metallica) to play in the events you've mentioned in PA...which means they were good and had potential (this "mysterious recording" doesn't let me lie), because it takes a lot for someone at the other eastern extreme of a big country like the USA to call someone all the way from TX to play in an event when probably there were good bands around and without the need of a sponsorship to travel and get some place to sleep and eat..."
Therefore Charles says: "Also, i am not the one saying it's not them. People much better with much more access to metal archives/records are saying it's not them. BUT, everything you said makes perfect sense to me and I have no argument against any of it. It would make perfect sense if it was a possible pitch demo Z'Rose recorded and kept along for a few years before a station played it. My sisters are %98 certain it was a Manowar song, the only other band they mentioned as a possibility is a Greek band i can't find anything about called something like Sarassa??"
Someone told him to contact Erik: "A little bit ago someone in here suggested i contact my sisters ex and ask where he got this song. I could not get a hold of him, but i did get in contact with his brother he played with. According to the brother they got the song from their aunt who lived in Philly (Center City) and would send them tapes of songs to play. This song was on a tape sandwiched between "4 or 5" Manowar songs. He specifically remembered this for 2 reasons: 1, their aunt wrote "Killing of the king by No Name" and 2, the last song on the this tape was labled as a Venom song (he did not recall which) but was actually "Melody of Love" by Bobby Vinton😂. So i think this is why my sisters keep saying it's Manowar, because if it was on a tape with a bunch of their songs that chances are they heard a crapload of times?"
He contacted Erik's brother (Erik is supposedly the ex boyfriend of one of his sisters) and received this reply: "Erik's brother returned another email I sent about this song. I made a post about it about a week ago. The brother says their aunt who lived in Philly included this song on a mix tape of stuff for him and his brother to play. This song was sandwiched between several Manowar songs and the last song on the tape was supposed to be a Venom song but was actually Bobby Vinton's "Melody of Love" 🤣"
Therefore debunking the possibility it's a Manowar song, he also adds: "She (the aunt) passed in 2014. She would record songs off the radio for them. She lived in Philly (Center City) but also had a place in Florida, so he was never sure which cities radio stations she would record from. This song she wrote "Killing the King?" As the title and "???" as the band name, but it was between several Manowar songs. I think this might be why my oldest sisters are so insistent this is a Manowar song because they may have listened to it with Erik and his brother.....it's a theory lol"
He also thought of Iced Earth as the possible band: "lostwavefinder587 I immediately thought of Iced Earth when I heard this song. Although it's likely just a coincidence, it's interesting to note that Iced Earth was originally called "The Rose".
Someone said to him: "if that's any help, the Greek band's name you're talking about is probably Sarissa. I don't think it's them, though: the vox sound kinda different, and their songs are mostly Ancient Greece-themed." And he replied: "Yes, thank you! All this time I've been spelling it wrong. I gave a quick listen to a demo of theirs from '86. In terms of sound and beat and tempo etc, they are pretty close to this song. In terms of vocals, they sound nothing alike." Therefore, he debunked Sarissa himself.
Now here he changed his version and provides a new lead given by his sisters:
"Holy crap for some reason my last post got cut in half and didn't include the following info, sorry! So the individual i spoke to and got the new possible lead is the former singer of the one band my sisters mentioned, Purgatory, (i do NOT have his permission to use his real name but his stage name was Tarantula). He confirmed he played this song "once or twice" but didn't know the lyrics so they just repeated several "blocks" over and over again. He heard it from a band in NJ and when he asked if he could use the song they replied along the lines of "It's not our song, we don't care" but gave no indication who it was or they even knew who it was? He suggested the band "Knightmare" because they were from Texas and he remembers all of their songs being medieval or medieval fantasy related. Supposedly they wore what looked like full on plate armor (he does not know if it was actual metal armor or something made to look like it). He saw them perform a handful of times because he spent summers in Texas on his grandfathers (mistakenly said uncle in my last post, sorry) ranch and would sneak off at night to "the metal scene" (i do not know if that was a club name or if he just meant that in general?). He began visiting his grandfathers ranch in 1980 and stopped when his grandfather retired in 1992. He gave an estimated timeline for "Knightmare" of 1981-1989."
He corrects himself by saying they are not called "Knightmare": Interestingly, my supervisor at work lived in Texas during this timeline (roughly mid 70's to mid 90's from what i can gather?) and when I asked him about Knightmare he had no idea. But when i mentioned they dressed up like knights in armor he suddenly looked startled and said "That wasn't their name, their name was Battle Battalion or some s*** like that".
But then he says: "So i posted a few months ago about this song, my sisters remember garage bands in the area playing this… I checked every band called Knightmare on Metal Encyclopedia and it doesn’t look like it’s our band." "Forgive my French.....Damn. I thought maybe it could have been a lead but i guess like dozens of others I've come across, dead end. I did a quick search for Knightmare a few weeks ago and I got all excited i saw one band dressed up like monks or Druids, but that band only came out in 2017. I think it's safe to say the name has been used by many bands."
Then someone asks him: "Does the name "Battle Battalion" show up on any Metal "pedia" sites? That's what my supervisor claims this "dressed up in medieval armor" bands name was?" and another one told him: "I saw some bands with Battalion on the metal encyclopedia and discogs and none of them are our band. I don’t think we should go based on what a band wears as our lead."
Then he debunks the Knightmare (and the Conquest) lead: "So a little bit ago i mentioned a band name "Knightmare" as a possibility for this song. Well the band was actually called "KnyghtBlyde" (Knight Blade) and i got in contact with the daughter of the vocalist last night. I played this song for her and after some confliction/hesitation she said it is NOT her dad. The biggest thing was all of her dads songs were based of Aruthurian lore and filled with references to Camelot, Arthur, Morgana, Lancelot, Excalibur etc. Since this song has none of that, its not them. She has no idea who this is. I did a quick search "Conquest 80's metal band Texas" and found 3 results. Conquest from San Antonio, split in either '85 or '87. Conquest from Dallas, '86 - '90. Khan'quest (possibly same band as Khanquistador?), no location given but split up in '88 then reformed in 2000 then......nothing? I could not find anything about any of their songs or demos or releases or band members. But it's obvious I was thinking of the wrong Conquest bands 😂 Conquest was ruled out. Someone who owns the tape was contacted and told us this isn't them."
And he says the singer of KnyghtBlade is convinced this song is from Battallion:
"So a little bit ago I mentioned getting in contact with KnyghtBlyde singers daughter who states that this is NOT her dad. She contacted me this morning, her father thinks this song might be by a band called Battalion. But her father said Battalion also went by the name AAA, Anti Aircraft Assault (or Artillery) in their early days. According to her father AAA/Battalion were from Texas but at least 2 of their members were originally from Chicago. Has anyone ever heard of either Battalion or AAA, Anti Aircraft Assault? The closest I can say is my one supervisor at work mentioned a band Battle Battalion from Texas when he lived there."
Then someone replies to him: "you are right there is a band named Battalion formed in 1984" He says: "I cannot find a single piece of music from this particular "Battalion"? From what I could find they formed between 1983 and 1985, split, reformed under a few possible names, split, repeat. 2 people I asked did say they remember a band of some sort from "out west" Anti Aircraft A-something, but neither could give any info."
Now here, he suggests it could be a Talon song:
"So here's a potential lead for everyone: I was just playing this song for a friend who is obsessed with all metal music. She asked me "Where did you get that Talon song?" Talon was/is a German heavy metal band from the early 80's that released several demos and full on albums between '83-'89. Almost all of there songs were medieval themed, especially their 2 demos. Herr's the thing, they supposedly have 3 unnamed tracks from both demos, one allegedly called "King Slayer". I listened to a bunch of there songs and I have to say there are several songs where the singer sounds exactly like our mystery singer, but then the next song they sound nothing alike. There was one song called something like "Execution" that the opening guitar sounds like this songs opening only slower? I'm not saying it is Talon, but it is possibly something to look into or at least consider?"
He also claimed the singer sounds like Bruce Dickinson (which has been suggested many times):
"I've said many times that I personally feel this vocalist sounds extremely close to Bruce Dickinson. There is a clip of Bruce singing Tom Jones' "Delilah" on either a talk or game show, and his opening of that song is nearly identical to this Fall of the King vocals! Tone, tempo, cadence, pitch......it's really really on spot. I am NOT saying it is Bruce, I'm just saying whoever it is does a good job singing like him."
He says this song could be made by Eviscerator:
"Hello again everyone, has anyone ever heard of a band from Britain, late 70's through late 80's called "Eviscerator"? Very very long story short: I played this song at a Viking/Pagan/Neo-Folk/Black Metal "bar" about half a mile up the road from my place and the one patron who looked like Elvira and Lilith Bathory had a daughter together (HOT HOT HOT) comes over and asked me to replay it and she sang along with the recording with about %95 accuracy! Oddly, at the end after the 4 or 5 "The Fall of the King"s, she suddenly sang "The evil one now wears the crown, all hail the evil one" and head banged for a few moments. According to her, this song was by a band called "Eviscerator" and they always claimed this song was written as a pitch track for the movie Heavy Metal? I mentioned how this song by numerous accounts was recorded here in the USA in 86-87 from stations in Texas, Chicago, Cleveland, NYC and (by only one account) possibly Florida. She didn't feel there was an issue with that as stations will often play random things just to fill the spot including songs that are several years older. I asked about her added line at the end and she stated "I didn't add s*** bud, whoever recorded it must have cut it off before they got to it". I mentioned how numerous people strongly believe this is the work of Z'Rose, she said they probably covered it a bunch of times but it is not their song and even stated that this particular recording sounds like it could be them covering. She was more familiar with Z'Rose than me, she commented "The 3 Cavlaros brothers from Texas right? The singer was the oldest brother Jeff?" (I know that's not their name, i only included it for aunthenticity per context of our discussion, the last name is Cavazos and there was only 2 of them right?). She also told me Z'Rose had about a dozen other names through their years including "Gypsy Rose". I asked how she knew this British band "Eviscerator" and she answered that she lived in London from 78-85 and this song was played a lot on "amateur hour" on several stations, especially university stations. This kind of took me by surprise because i thought she looked younger than me (I'm 39) but she lived in England for college and her first husband in the late 70's??"
"In my last comments i mentioned a bar i went to was going to have a mini concert featuring bands that specialize in black metal and 80's tribute metal and i would play this song to see if any of the band peoples or concert goers would chime in. I did just that and got a few hits on the radar with a few of the band members. The one band, Inviaat, the singer says he remembers this song being played on a radio station in Philly PA for an entire summer because that station was trying to find the band. He does not remember the specific station but said it was near the Taylor University campus (my understanding is that there is several?) because the station thought it was the students from that university's music program. When i asked him when exactly that would have been he said Summer of 1983 because he was married on Halloween 1983 and was hoping the station would find the band so they could play at his wedding. A member from the local band "inductus Mortis" said he recalls that song being played "somewhere in the mid 80's" but does not remember if he heard it in Chicago or Cleveland because he bounced between them. I asked several bands, include the Venom tribute band Poisonous Whisper if anyone had ever heard of a band name Eviscerator from the 80's. Only one person thought he heard the name but it wasn't a band name it was a compilation album of NWOBHM from roughly '83-'84, but couldn't tell me anything other than that. As for the other concert goers, the #1 response i got from them was along the lines of "Dude you can sing, you should go pro!".....in other words they thought it was me promoting myself (I wish i could sing like that!!). the #2 response was people thought it was Manowar. After those 2 the guesses were the usual ones i have seen here and everywhere else this topic comes up: Blackmaine, Axis, Overkill, Overdrive, Black Sabath, Iron Maiden, Anthrax, Slayer, WitchAxe and 2 people even asked if it was an Ozzy Osbourne demo."
"I asked around, including my oldest sisters I've mentioned in my postings, about Eviscerator. The only person who heard of them, the one from this time-frame not the other 8 or 9 bands from the 2000's with that name, said they were a generic ManowaIron Maiden/Judas Priest tribute or more accurately, ripoff, band who sucked. I am not saying I buy this woman's account, but i'm also not discrediting it or calling her a liar. Her familiarity with this song and her accuracy with the lyrics makes me believe she knows this song from somewhere.....what that somewhere is, i can't comment because i don't know?"
"So far my friends and I have several "pings" to look into, the name Eviscerator has absolutely nothing from the time frame we're looking at. But there is (was?) a "Lee Lesaat" Canadian/British "mercenary" (did not belong to any band but would play for others) drummer who now lives in NYC my friends are looking into.
There is an 80's metal/black metal tribute concert this Saturday at the bar I was at last weekend. After the bands play their sets they have an open mic like set up where you can play your own music (as long as it fits the theme). I'm going to try and play this song and see if anyone, bands or crowd or food vendors etc, have any reaction.
And by "pings" I just mean responses/possible possible long shot leads. The guy or girl claiming to be a psychic vampire who time traveled and wrote this song for The Lost Boys movie is NOT going to be one of them😂"
Then someone asks: "What band is this Eviscerator ? I found a band that was formed in 2012 . Furthermore tthe song is not in the metal archives I searched through lyrics was not found." He says: "Allegedly they were in England in the 1980's, but the woman stated 2 of them had New York accents. If all of her account is true and accurate, they were NOT a professional big name band. I did find several bands with the title "Eviscerator" (in different variations) but all of them were from the 2000's. The only "pro" band with that title I could find was a Hungarian band from the mid 2000's. I asked Satanic lady if she remembered any of the other bands that played alongside "Eviscerator" and she only remembered 3: "Band-Shee" (an all female band....get it?) Gargoyle, and Werewolf Tears."
"I have a very very small update for everyone, but it's still an update nonetheless. The mystery succubus looking woman who said this song was by Eviscerator and sang along to it (even when I "accidentally" muted my phone to see if she was just repeating what she was hearing.....she was not) has been identified by my journalist friend! We are going to try and get in contact with her and see if there is anything else she can remember about "Eviscerator" that could help. I'm not going to get my hopes up, but her familiarity with this songs lyrics and the fact she sang almost in perfect synch with the beat makes me feel she really did know this song from somewhere in her past. That or she is a very good actress? Lol
I found only 1 solid, confirmed band with that name but they were from mid 2000's Hungary. But several peoples now and then tell me they remember hearing that name in the 80's as various things; crappy garage band, NWOHBM compilation album/work, some sort of event space or name, most recently someone claimed he thought it was the stage name of a singer but didn't know who or what band. I'm trying to get in touch with the woman who originally mentioned that name."
He posted this comment that lead nowhere: "2 very small updates for everyone:
1) The Viking/Pagan/Goth/Black Metal themed bar just around the corner from me is having a New Years event tomorrow night. They actually agree to give me a "booth" where i can have a "guess this song" set up. And, it will be right next to where the bands play...I'm going to be between the "stage" and the food truck lol
2) The one radio station i submitted this song to will play it on their "X hour" on 1/8/24. It is not a hugely popular segment, maybe a few hundred listeners, but it's better than nothing.
Here's to the New Year and hope this song and numerous others get solved!"
"So the station played this song Sunday night/Monday morning. They played it 4 times between 2:07am - 3:12am. They received 9 calls about it and about a dozen emails (I seriously didn't know they had an email!?!?!?). Unfortunately the majority of contacts were people either asking for them to replay it or people thinking it was Manowar. There were a few Iron Maidens and one or 2 Ozzy Osborne's. Only 2 people stated they heard this song before. Unfortunately they heard it from "some kilt wearing guy at blank bar plays it, I think it's him self promoting". Yes that's me they referenced and no it is not me singing lol"
He suggest matrixx as a possibility: "There's a band called matrixx that has been giving me interest. They were only around for two years due to financial struggles in their stage. If you look up attaxe and fiinal notice they share two members of matrixx. Their drummer and guitarist sound very similar to the band from this song. It's pretty crazy too because they have a song called defy the king. They also had a label to produce their songs which is called Suma Recording Studios. This may be the reason why the audio sounds too good for a small band. I hope that this is the band! Too many good clues that I found"
He debunks the Steven Lindfield lead: "One of the names thrown about here and there on posts about this song is a Steven Linfield ("Lindi") who bounced between Chicago and NYC in the 1980's. His alleged involvement varries between being the DJ who allegedly played it on a NYC station, to being a Chicago stations record manageclerk etc etc. I got in contact with him yesterday. He denies having ANYTHING to do with the airing of this song and does not know how or why his name came up. While he did work at 2 stations (NYC, then Chicago during the summer) he was an overnight watchman (security). However, he does recall this song being played on "some amateur hour crapshoot" in '86 in NYC a bunch of times. At that point in '86 he claims people were referencing it as "The King Song" or "The song of the King" (drawn out to match the singers "The Faaaalllll, the fall of the kiiiiiing") and it was already 2 or 3 years old at that time. He did explain that at least at the Chicago station there was an amateur drop-off slot that the dj's would pick through and play random "no namers" labeling them as "space filler". Because they would be played, literally just to fill space, they were NOT mandated to keep any records of them. Sometimes the dj's would just make up names to some of these. One of his main duties was to check the drop-off to make sure there were no bad things thrown in there instead of cassettes. Another dead end, but at least we rulled out one theory......silver lining??😂 LINDFIELD, not Linfield. Darn autocorrect on this phone."
He is convinced it's a professional band's demo: Thats why a lot people I have introduced to this song think it's a professional band, or at the extreme least an amateur band playing with top level equipment/sponsor? 1983 guy stated they sound like they have equipment his garage band "couldn't even afford to dream about looking at yet alone use". It's also one of the reasons my 2 oldest sisters insist this is a professional band (sister #1 says Manowar, #2 says Manowar or Sarissa) because there are no goofs or mistakes or errors. My sisters gave an example of a garage band from their Kutztown university days, "Freefall Abyss" that self released a demo and in one song you can hear a telephone ringing in the background and in another you can hear a fan or ac unit going.
He contacted a girl named Della: "This song was actually played on an old Philly/NJ station on the segment "Della names your tune" in 2009. I was able to get in contact with "Della" (real name withheld by her request) who at first stated "I played thousands of unnamed songs bud, I probably played this one 100 times, sorry i wont be much help" . Then a few days later replied "I do recall this one, it was sent in from a local listener who had it labeled as Dungeon Master or maybe Dragon Master on a CD with a bunch of old early Manowar, JudaPriest, Iron Maiden, Megadead, Metallica and AngelWitch songs. He or she claimed their father had this song on a tape from his college days. Nobody knew what or who it was back in '09 or '10 and as far as I know nobody figured it out when I left the program in '15." The only name she gave, and I don't know if this was even a real name or the drummers "stage name" was Leopald Lestat.........I do have 2 people looking into it (from a metal dating site of all places). Disclaimer: I know some of those bands are misspelled, I purposefully left it that way because that's how she sent it to me."
"I went down that road, you nailed it right on the head. There is no way to track down who that listener was. The only hint she had, in the form of the note attached to the CD was the person said they were from Radnor PA. I couldn't tell you because the other songs kind of bounce around in terms of year: there's a Judas Priest and an Angel Witch song both from 1980 but then there's a song from Megadeath (I believe Megadeath came out in '85?) and a Metallica song from '86? For some reason my one comment didn't show up? Della gave a pretty big hint, she said the mailing address on the CD was from Radnor PA, but the phone number included was a landline for a Chicago address. Her and the station managers assumed it was a "shadow number" and didn't bother keeping record of it. A lot of her requests had local addresses with out of state phone numbers, cellular and landline."
He suggests Dungeon Masters: "I have a potential lead, "Dungeon Masters" from Pittsburgh PA? Long story short: everyone at work talks about a "hot nerdy chick" who works at the one antique book store in town and she is a music genius and knows EVERY song people play. So i decided to test it. I played this song and she stated "I think thats Dungeon Masters, they were from my hometown of Pittsburgh PA back in the early to late 80's. Thats either Dungeon Masters or someone doing an incredible job imitating them?". Given that Cleveland is only a 2-3 hr drive from Pittsburgh (from what Steelers players say) i think this could be a possible lead and explain the Cleveland recording? Again, this is only a POSSIBLE lead, but i think it has potential?
Currently my one "source" is looking into it. He is not always accurate (as evidenced when we were looking into Conquest) but its better than nothing."
And someone adds this: "Della said the same Dungeon Masters so better look into it"
But he says this: "Close, "Della" stated the listener who sent in the CD had this song labeled as "Dungeon Master?", not a band name. But I am looking into it as best as I can. I found a Pittsburgh band "Dungeon" but they're NOT metal they're an Omnia/Faun like band (neo-folk I think is the term?) formed in 2018. I sent word out to the people I know and my "team". Now it is a waiting game."

Haven't attended classes since the beginning of April. My final project is due... I actually don't know when it's due. Although I will try to pass all the exams in June. I hope I won't be kicked out. I hate it. I wish I didn't go there. I wish I took a gap year after graduating high school, as I initially wanted to. Constantly anxious, worrying about everything, and being in a fight or flight state over minor things. Quarantine gave me a much-needed break, but it didn't last long. My final high school year was really stressful, and this anxiety lasted until last summer. I did really well at uni last year. I was really proud of myself and managed to take a mental break from it for two months, which flew by so fast. I don't know what triggered me to spiral this time, but I have never been this bad for this long. I think it was a combination of a really stressful semester, which I've never fully "recovered" from (the winter break lasts two weeks, and I spent it being sick and asleep for 16+ hours a day because of medication), and stress from driving school. My driving instructor is a little bit older than me, but he treated me poorly. Of course, I am dumb. I know shit about cars and driving - that's why I came here. I was shaking before every lesson. I couldn't go to another one because transferring is expensive. He did some shady stuff with our driving practice hours. He would assign me three hours, call another student, and we two would drive for only an hour each. I obviously didn't pass, which I'm not really mad about. I don't think it's entirely my fault. I rarely shower, brush or floss my teeth, or go out. I finally mopped the floor (I haven't done it since late March) like four days ago??? I don't have the will to do anything. I became distant from my mom. I can't tell her anything. She feels something is wrong with me. I just can't talk about my feelings. Like physically, it's hard for me to talk about it, I shut down and swallow my words. There's no one who can take care of me or help me. My mom lives 400 kms away from me. My bf is supportive, but he clearly doesn't understand. He blames me, basically calling me ungrateful for everything I have, lazy, and not willing to change. It hurts really bad that he sees me this way, but there's definitely some truth in his words. I wish I was strong. I wish I was different. But I'm weak. I'm a garbage human. I am worthless. I don't have any hope for the future. I don't know what to do. I'm lost. I'd definitely kill myself if it wasn't for my close ones. I can't imagine the pain it'd cause them. I don’t have any profitable skill (yet?). I don’t have passion for anything (except for art). I don’t see myself having an actual job, being a professional or whatever. I’m actually terrified rn thinking about it. I’m ashamed and guilty for letting my family down.

Here's my take on one of the most important aspects of relationships in general. And it seems to be even more important as we age (I'm 77), men don't listen very well and women tend to talk too much. It's that simple.
I can't tell you how many times I've been listening to a woman and have her transition from one subject to the next appearing to have absolutely no interest in what I might think on the subject. After a while, you glaze over. Then they wonder why you lost interest.
On the other hand, men, lets get real, actually listen and focus on what a woman is saying. Engage in the subject. Let her know when you aren't sure what she means, you don't have to know everything, just listen. It's amazing how it can change a relationship.
As for appearance, I'm of the opinion that women dress for women, not men. For me it's about what's going on between a person's ears, that's attractive and age isn't a factor in that area.

Some backstory: They moved a guy to my hall who is super had to do alone which is fine but when I work alone with one girl she refuses to help me with anything. She always says "if i can do it alone theres no reason you cant" even tho shes got probably a foot on me and shes a little bigger but shes super strong. We are a small facility and I'm the only one who will work work with her so our shifts usually just have us 2 and the other shifts have 3. So far my hall was basically all hoyers and 1 assists so it was okay until i got this guy. She's one of the favorites so she gets away with a lot, never washing people up, doing get up and then not laying anyone down or changing then until after lunch, spending prob 9 hours of her 12 hour shift outside smoking or in the breakroom, not helping with meals ect. Shes banned from the hall i work bc of neglect to a resident and she didnt even get talked to they just moved her to another hall, they even offered to move that resident so she could keep her hall. Other people have been banned from rooms over this or that and they have always suspended them for a shift written them up and they we not allowed to go to that hall unless it was for assists. She's buddy buddy with the bosses and the nurses and they don't care to hide their favorites. I took 1 Saturday off for a coworkers wedding, I put my time in first for 1 day and the coworker and nurse took the whole weekend bc of the open bar at least a week after me and both of theirs were approved and mine was not.
The guy was in bed so i thought id try bc he's easier when hes in bed and I tried and I hurt my back. I could still walk and I still had to finish out the shift but I was fighting tears the whole time, I went and got her and she was pissed and rolling her eyes but I'm think it's bc I was crying that she actually came to help me. That was before supper, he was the last one I needed to get in and then I had to watch the dining room and do my 3 feeders. Usually I walk around and feed 1 a bite and while they chew feed the next one and so on so but I had to sit and do 1 at a time so I was late getting people out before night shift came. That girl was walking up to talk to the nurse and saw that I had almost everyone still in the dining room and was pissed at me again. She help me get people out and she did all the transfers but everyone could tell she was mad. Once I clocked out and went to my car I started bawling bc of the pain I called my mom amd she said I needed to call my boss so I did and I went to urgent care. My boss didn't even ask if I was okay, just told me I needed to get drug tested and I'll be written up next time I come in bc I should've gotten help. Once he moved to my hall I told her she won't help and she said she'd have a chat with her. I doubt happened but now I'm scared of the retaliation. I'm on a 10 pound weight restriction until Friday when he wants to see me again and I'm supposed to work this weekend with her. They refused to turn my work hours the first 2 years i was there so my license expired and I was told if it bothered me I could pay to get recertification, it took an email from my college basically saying they would call state on it for them to actually turn my hours in (i'm going for nursing and they need to have my cna on file). I know they don't care about me but I've seem how much she gets special treatment and I'm just an extra body to them. They wrote a girl up for asking for help too much bc she would ask that coworker for help with transfers and hoyers and that girl is really short and she told me its a little hard for her transferring everyone so much taller than her so if she's getting in trouble for asking for help with hoyers like we are supposed to whats gonna happen to me? I want to be careful when I go back to work but how can I do that when I'm with her? Could they try to get my license taken away because she is refusing to help? What am I supposed to do when it's just us the nurse wont even turn a call light off let alone do any cares. I'm stuck and I rly don't want to lose my license. This is my first time ever being written up for anythjng before and I'm scared

I (24F) suspect my close friends Jane (22F) and Mike (25M) are in a relationship with each other, but I'm not sure of it. I had my suspicions, but I always just chucked it up to them being comfortable with each other, but recent events have brought things into perspective.
For context, Mike and I became friends at the start of the first semester in our 3rd year of college. We are in the same major (same as Jane), and we bonded over some 2nd year courses we both had to retake due to some issues. Mike and I have become good friends since then. Our rented apartments are a short walking distance apart, so sometimes I go over to his during exams so we study together and share notes and texts, and other times I just go there to hang out and chill with his flatmates, and vice versa. I stay alone, though. At the time, neither of us were close to Jane; I wouldn't call us friends (with her), but there was also no enemity or anything; we just casually exchanged greetings whenever we bumped into each other or when we met in class.
Jane and I had always attended the same church in college, but like i said earlier, we weren't friends, so we always exchanged hello's and hi's, and that was it. I just knew her as one of the smart/intelligent ones in class. We were both appointed as leaders in different departments in our 4th year, despite the fact that we both didn't want the positions. We bonded over our mutual feelings of how wrong it was that the positions were forced on us even after we voiced out that we didn't want them. Naturally, hello's and hi's progressed to longer conversations, and we realised we had some similar interests and views on certain topics like relationships and marriage, and we also live in the same state and are not that far apart either.
She usually talks about how she can't picture herself in love or in a relationship with someone and usually cringes at display of love, when the topic of relationship comes up or when she sees people gushing about their boyfriends. I found it contradictory since she reads a lot of romance novels, but then there are folks like that. On some levels, I related to her feelings, but I'm not as averse to them as she was. In her words, she said, "It's hard for me to like somebody in a romantic way; I've only ever liked one person, and it didn't last that long." She is not the type to go out of her way to cook or join in meal prep because she doesn't like cooking and finds it stressful, which was something else we bonded over.
Jane and Mike connected through me since I'm almost always with Mike in and out of school. He is naturally a free and friendly person so it didn't take long for them to get close, and so it began: our trio's friendship. We would walk back home together, talking about random things or something related to school. Jane's flat is also not so far from ours, so chilling at each other's place wasn't rare. I still remember the first time Jane wanted to go over to Mike's place. She asked me to come along with her since she was new to the group (by group, I mean including Mike's flatmates) and felt awkward. All we did was just watch movies. That concludes the backstory
Fast forward to finals; we got really busy with projects, seminars, and exams. Naturally, there would be no time for hangouts anymore; at least that's what I thought, but Mike and Jane still had solid communication almost every day and met up quite often. which is why i didn't think much of it when i started meeting up with them again and I noticed the dynamics had changed since i was M.I.A. for while, I was under a lot of pressure that period so i was really focused on school. Now they are done and just waiting for graduation, but I still have some exams to take. Recently, she has been hanging at his place a lot more than before with her younger brother, who recently got into the school.
My reason for making this post is that last Saturday was Mike's birthday, and he asked me to come over for a little get-together of friends. It was really fun. After eating, we cut the cake, and he thanked us for coming. Then everyone was just dancing and having a good time. Eventually, the fun began to fizzle out as it was getting late and people had started leaving. When I was ready to leave, Jane said, "Let's see you off." Then she and Mike followed me out of the apartment, and as we walked, there was this awkward silence that lasted for a minute, which is unusual. I felt out of place, like I wasn't supposed to be there, so I decided to bring up the games they played during the party so we could talk about something instead of the awkward silence that hung in the air, and that was all we talked about till we got to my place and they both went back. There are other things I've picked up on, but this one is the most glaring to me because it has never happened before.
I've been thinking of asking Mike about it, but I don't know if it'll come off as me prying, but I feel like I need to know so I can be self-aware about giving them space or privacy whenever they are together. Some other signs are when she'll want him to support her when we have a disagreement on a topic or when she comes to his defence whenever I'm teasing him about something. She always does it in a she-and-him-against-me kind of way, which I find very odd considering that we are supposed to be friends?. Another sign was the fact she helped with the cooking prep for the birthday and doing the dishes, both things she always firmly says she wouldn't do unless she had to, like when her mom says she should or at her own apartment. Any advice will be really helpful.

Previous Entry
Writing these things has made me realize how different I sound these days. Back when all this started I’m not sure I even spoke English and I certainly didn’t speak like I do now but to be honest, I don’t remember. Trying to recall things to write has made me realize exactly how many little things I’ve forgotten over the years. The sights, the sounds, all those fade into the background of most events.
Even something as visceral as Archer’s basement still takes me a while to recall clearly. I wonder if it’s more than just my long life, we do age after all. I mentioned before that sunlight is not deadly to vampires like myself but very unpleasant, that and it makes us more normal. In the sun I won’t be as strong as I would be in the dark and by my assessment I age in the sun as well. Not any faster than a normal person but I do age, its why I don’t still look like that little boy stuck in Paris anymore.
I did spend quite some time in Paris before I left or rather, escaped. I’m not sure I ever would have left if not for the war. I didn’t have many friends there save for other… I’m not sure what to call them… entities? Whatever you want to cal it I had some friends in the more supernatural parts of the city. A vampire named Belle had become a sort of mother figure to me over the years spent there.
I met her by chance one night as I sated myself in an alley. I was ready to fight but she just laughed and flashed her own fangs at me, ridiculing me for being so careless. It was under her wing where I learned everything I know now about vampires. It’s where I realized not all vampires endure sunlight as well as I do, if anything that one trait is what’s most unique about me according to her. But thats not the story I want to tell on these pages tonight. I want to tell the story of lieutenant Marsh and the real beginnings of the organization that would become Chimera.
When war came to Paris that summer I was unprepared. I never expected the war to spiral out of hand so quickly or for it to force me out of my home. I was with Belle and a few more of her friends whose names escape me waiting out the worst of it and hoping things would blow over in the city soon. Obviously we were completely misguided, it was that sense of invulnerability again just the same as when I was a boy. The world was our playground and nothing could hurt us. It didn’t help that in some ways I really was invulnerable and it went straight to my head.
Only flashes of my memory from that day remain. I remember the nazi soldier kicking in the door and firing at Belle’s friends. I remember the screaming that abruptly ended in a single gunshot. I remember the trail of blood leading to her friends body where it lay staked to the ground in the sun. We heal fast, not instantly but much faster than a human. Put us in sunlight though, and we’re just as fragile as a normal person. It was the first time I’d seen someone with abilities like ours die and it made me feel mortal again for the first time in decades.
The rest of the day is a disjointed blur. Belle and I fled the city, I blank out on the specifics of it but we made it out with some difficulty. After that we hunkered down for the night in a rickety old shack. I remember wanting to push on through the day but Belle protested, she didn’t deal with the sun as well as I did. When night finally fell we fled to the coast and managed to catch a ship heading towards the United States.
The trip was unpleasant to say the least, neither of us made good stowaways. We weren’t living life in the lap of luxury before by any means but we lived comfortably. This was a far cry from what we were used to in Paris and the welcome we received was even worse. Apparently fleeing for your own survival is a crime, both of us were separated and sent to prison on our arrival to the states for stowing away on the ship.
That was the last time I ever saw Belle, I get letters from her every now and then but I haven’t seen her in person since. She does well for herself, works in D.C. as a sort of handler for the supernatural. Regrettably she does work with Chimera, says they have the best interests at heart for the supernatural but she doesn’t see what I see out here. She doesn’t know the part I played in its creation, what it really stood for in the beginning. Chimera tends to kill first these days rather than actually try to help or give the supernatural some kind of place in the world. I think thats why I haven’t been to visit her, I just don’t want to argue with a friend as old as her. Funnily enough I don’t think anyone knows she’s a vampire. I doubt they’d take that very well, she’d probably lose her position. They must have suspicions though because theres no way she’d be able to get letters to me without Baelen knowing about it. Every few months they keep showing up though and I always make sure to write her back.
Anyways I’m getting off topic, back to my story. I was in prison for months until an offer came my way, serve the rest of my sentence or enlist in the army and be a free man when I came back, if I came back. Of course I took the offer, I didn’t realize how suspicious that deal sounded at the time but it actually played out exactly as they said. I also didn’t have much of a choice in the matter either. It was hard to get my hands on any blood when I was almost constantly under watch and I could feel the effects it was having on me. I figured it would be best to get a change of scenery.
The next week I was off to training then not long after, we shipped out to the trenches and met the commander of the platoon I’d been assigned to. That’s the first time I met Lieutenant Johnson Marsh and what a man he was. That first day I was convinced I’d never see a smile ever again, the trenches were a horrible depressing place. But there Marsh was, laughing and smiling and just generally enjoying life with the rest of the platoon. He was either crazy or stupid, thats what my first thoughts about him were. I remember those clearly even today but I couldn’t have been more wrong. If anything he may have turned out to be one of the smartest men I ever knew.
The first few weeks were spent holding our position from the germans. It was brutal but I found I was a decent shot with the rifle I was given. Marsh on the other hand spent those weeks barking orders at us and keeping us in line. He never used a rifle like most of the soldiers used. Instead he kept a Beretta m9 with him at all times. That weapon was the only one I ever saw him use. I remember the name only because he was so found of explaining everything there was to know about the gun to me whenever I questioned him about it. You could immediately recognize the pistol as his by its strange grip. One side of it had a picture of an idyllic scene of a manor house in the middle of a sprawling field. The other had a painting of a woman, his wife I’d guess but he never actually told me if that was there case. He seemed to spend the nights staring with longing at each side of the artistic grip.
I’d never really had a family, even with Belle I’d always felt like I was a bit of an outsider. There was so much I didn’t know about how normal people lived. Even though I’d had friends in Paris we were always kind of hidden away in our own personal corner. There was this separation between us and normal life, even between the other supernaturals in the area.
Here I felt like I was part of something though. Sure I was still lost but so was everyone else, we could be lost together and Marsh would always set us straight in the end. There was something about the man, some piece of him that just understood what we were all going through. He expected a lot from us but he was never unreasonable and several times even argued with command on our behalf when ridiculous orders came our way. I actually wanted to serve with him. The rest of the platoon wasn’t bad but they’d all been given the same deal as me. They were all just there to get out of prison. I’m still not sure what Marsh’s story was, he always kept that to himself but any of us would’ve taken a bullet for that man.
Our first real assignment came maybe three months into my period of indentured service. Our platoon was tasked with rescuing a captured American scientist and capturing a German scientist. The scientists in question were Frank Smith and Stein Hoffman and no, the irony of those names is not lost on me, fits the two of them though. I’m sure doctor Frankenstein wishes he was successful as those two. But before those orders could be acted on we had to overtake a German trench surrounding the compound they were staying in.
That fight was bloody and we lost several good men in the chaos. At one point a trench gun was shoved into my arms and I launched myself into the German trench. I wouldn’t be surprised if ghost stories are still passed around of what I did that day. After I made my way over and into the German trench I lashed out with all I had. Moving with superhuman speed and lashing out with both the bayonet affixed to my gun and my fangs, I fell upon the Germans. They stood little chance as I tore into them and all by my lonesome I ensured we’d face no more resistance.
Marsh was the first over into the now silent trench, I’m glad it was him because I’m not sure anyone else would’ve understood like him. I was holding the German officer to the trench wall, fangs buried in his neck as I fed when I heard footsteps behind me. I dropped him and turned to see Marsh staring questioningly at me. I must’ve been a sight to see, blood dripping from my mouth and covering my bullet torn uniform. Marsh steadied himself for a moment and shouted back to the rest of the platoon,
“Boys hold up a second! Just get down and stay up there a minute won’tcha!”
All of a sudden he took a step forward and a well mannered grin took its usual place on his lips.
“Though You didn’t care for sauerkraut J.?”
The joke stunned me, I fully expected him to shoot me then and there, put me down like the abomination I must’ve looked like to him.
“Lieutenant I…”
But Marsh raised his hands to cut me off.
“Command’d probably want me to shoot’cha, hell maybe I aught’a but I don’t think it’d be right. You seem decent, little odd sure but you’ve got heart, I see it in the way you look out for the boys. Plus I always figured there was some’n off about you. The way you stay out’a the light always seem a little faster and stronger than anyone got the right to be just didn’t figure it’d be…. That.”
Marsh told me pointing to the punctures in the officers neck.
“Thank you lieutenant, Could we keep this between us though sir?”
“Drop the formalities J. Jesus! We’re all friends here.”
“I just don’t want the others to know, they may not be as understanding as you.”
“No can do, but you can tell em’ yourself. Alright men, get on down here!”
In all my years I’d never had to explain myself to anyone up until that point. I guess that day my number was up but I never knew just how understanding people, normal people could be. I’d always lived around the supernatural in Paris, didn’t interact much with the normal people I saw in the streets every day, I didn’t have to. I’d always assumed there was a reason for that but in the moment I realized there wasn’t, not really. I’d just avoided normal people because I feared what they’d think if it came out that I wasn’t like them.
Of course There were some of the men that objected to… what I was. Most of them took after Marsh though. They didn’t really care what I was, I’d proven to them I was a good person and thats all that mattered. I just wish they’d been right about me back then because the truth was I still hadn’t learned to care, not really. Even the ones who objected came around eventually and that night Marsh finally came clean to me about why exactly he was so accepting.
According to him he’d always assumed there was more out there, things beyond human that lived on the fringes of society. Even he always thought he sounded crazy. I was the proof he needed to convince himself he wasn’t. Marsh also told me what we were really doing with the scientists. Both Frank and Stein researched the supernatural, their projects were as secret as secret could be. Marsh’s interests and theories, as personal as he tried to keep them showed up in his file somewhere. The higher ups had handpicked him for this mission because of it. The official story was that Frank had been captured but in reality he defected to further his own research with a like minded individual. Our mission was really to force Frank back into the fold and take Stein along with him.
The more he talked the more I could tell his heart was fully committed to this mission and the final assault tomorrow. I’d never seen someone so… alive. In my extremely long life I don’t think Id ever felt that kind of conviction myself. So I promised him I’d have his back tomorrow no matter what.
Morning broke and with it our assault began. Intel on the German defenses was shoddy at best but we never expected what we’d actually run into. At least three times our number acted as guards so a distraction was in order to give us a window of entry. A few of the men would handle the distraction “however they saw fit” to quote Marsh. Then Marsh and I would make our way into the compound itself and the rest of the platoon would cover us.
For what its worth most of the plan went off without a hitch. A tremendous explosion signaled Marsh and I to press the advantage and rush the confused soldiers that lay in front of us. Some actually turned and ran from me, apparently word of my stunt in the trenches yesterday had spread quickly. The rest of the platoon followed behind us but then our luck ran out with the roar of an engine.
An honest to god panzer tank rolled out of a tunnel we hadn’t seen that ran under the compound and turned its barrel towards us. I almost didn’t hear the blast from how slow time seemed to move. But move it did as the explosion of the shell’s impact scattered bodies left and right. The shell impacted behind us but the sheer force of the blast threw Marsh and I to the ground, knocking us unconscious.
When I slowly came to my eyes couldn’t believe what I was seeing. A man dressed in red priestly robes with a matching red top hat was walking between the bodies. When he approached one that groaned out with agony he’d kneel down and whisper things I couldn’t hear to them, after that he’d snap his fingers. sometimes the person he was talking with would disappear other times they would fall silent and sometimes it didn’t appear that anything happened at all.
Just the sight of the man terrified me and I wasn’t sure why. It was an instinctual reaction, the second I lay eyes on him I froze up and ice cold fear crept its way up my spine. When people accuse me of being the devil this man is who I think of. Even today I’m not sure what it is he does or why. What I do know is that he never looks the same. I’ve seen him appear as male, female, even as an animal on a few occasions but I can always tell. The second I’m near him no matter what he looks like the same old feeling comes over me.
Once my vision had finally focused in on the man he seemed to notice without ever looking at me. I blinked and suddenly he was there, kneeling over me.
“Would you like to live.”
He rasped down at me with a voice that seemed to boom around me no matter how quiet it must’ve actually been. I felt like a child again, staring at Archer for the first time. I’d never really had to fear death before but here I was, sure I was about to meet my end right here. In all honestly I wasn’t injured all that bad, I probably could’ve survived with or without this man help. But something told me that if I said no he’d make sure I would die right here.
“Ye…y… yes”
I stuttered out, barley able to form the words through the pain that stabbed throughout my body.
“You will be my instrument for one night at a time of me choosing.”
The man replied. I stayed silent as I stared into his eyes, trying to determine if the sunglasses he wore were tinted or if his eyes really did burn with an infernal red light. The man cocked his head as if waiting for a response to his question. I’m not sure if question was the right word though, there wasn’t much of a choice for me.
Looking back there was always a choice, maybe I could’ve survived on my own merits, found another way. In the years to come I’d wish I just said no, even if it would’ve cost me my life. But thats not what happened. I nodded and the deal maker snapped his fingers. As soon as he had dark clouds flooded the sky and blocked out the sun, allowing my body to begin repairing itself. The man moved on to where Marsh’s body lay and probably made him the same deal as I felt my body healing. Despite that, my consciousness faded again as I strained to try and hear what the man would say to Marsh.
We never actually discussed the man at all. Not then and not in the years since. Maybe that was all an unspoken part of Marsh’s deal. Maybe both of us just wished that man was nothing more than a waking dream, a vivid hallucination. Whatever the case neither of us ever mentioned that man to each other.
The next time I woke up I was chained to a table next to Marsh. We had been captured and brought before the very scientists we were here to apprehend. There were guards around but they all seemed to be waiting for some kind of order. I was certainly surprised when that order came in perfect English, even more surprised when the order was to let us down so we could talk.
Frank and Stein ended up being quite reasonable people. The two let us stay in relative comfort in the compound as long as we agreed to stay and leave them to their work. That was all the convincing it took for me. I understand that the men I’d served with were all dead and that these two were in some way responsible. Maybe that should’ve bothered me more, today it certainly would’ve. Back then I didn’t think the same way, they accepted me for what I was but only briefly, only out of respect for Marsh. What did the lives of people I’d known for so short a time really matter? Writing this now just makes me realize how cold I was before, I didn’t care for anything beyond myself. I’d made no efforts to find Belle since we were separated and how long had I known her, 100 years, more? I may have pretended I cared but when push came to shove I simply tried to make sure I survived.
Marsh wasn’t as cold as me, in fact he almost immediately reached for where his pistol should’ve been when he was unchained. It took Frank, Stein, and myself weeks to convince him that helping would be the right decision. He didn’t like it at first but little by little I think the scientists grew on him. The guards I’d seen our first day here seemed to thin out the longer we stayed. Wether that was a gesture of trust or simply because they were needed for more important duties I don’t know but it certainly eased Marsh’s mind.
I merely observed the scientists most of the time until Stein asked me for a sample of my blood. It didn’t surprise me that he knew what I was but for obvious reasons I was hesitant to give it to him, especially considering what I’d seen so called doctors do with vampire blood. Eventually he wore me down and I gave let him take a sample just to shut him up. After that I became more involved in their research though not by choice. They had me showcasing my abilities and tested the effects of sunlight on my blood. On a few rare occasions Stein even injected it into other prisoners that were brought in, something I put a stop to very quickly. T
hat sample of blood is why Frank and Stein are still around today. Somehow they managed to isolate whatever part of my DNA allows me to age so much slower than a normal person. They took that and spliced it into their own DNA against my recommendations. The crazy thing was it actually worked. Sure they had a newfound appreciation for rare steaks but beyond that I didn’t notice any of the effects that combining vampire DNA with your own would usually have.
As Marsh and I assisted the scientist’s research however we could we both came to the realization that they needed each other to function. Stein lacked a moral compass and was prone to suggest unethical or risky procedures, sometimes going so far as to carry them out without informing Frank. Frank on the other hand preferred caution in everything he did and sometimes I noticed him personally taking and shredding requests Stein had written for test subjects, hazardous materials, or samples from supernatural entities. The two kept a very delicate dance of checks and balances. Stein ever the daring mad scientist and Frank always playing the role of overly cautious genius.
Marsh and Frank got along extremely well near the end. The two would be up at all hours of the night as Frank explained what kind of things really existed in the world. Marsh always shared these ideas of a world where the supernatural and the normal could live together and I think Frank shared that vision. It wasn’t possible, still isn’t but treating the supernatural as something other than monsters couldn’t possibly be a bad thing. I think thats where the idea of the Bureau of Supernatural Affairs really came from, those talks Marsh had with anyone who would listen.
Overtime one of our favorite conversations was what we would do when the war was over and we could leave this compound. Stein wasn’t sure he would, if his research wasn’t going to a man who’d simply use it to cause more conflict he wouldn’t mind staying. Frank wanted to return home, if that was even possible and he asked if Stein would join him. Those two had also become close friends through our months in the lab. That checks and balances relationship they had made them basically inseparable. Marsh’s answer surprised me though, he said he wanted to get out of the military and start a program, something to help the supernatural live closer to normal lives. At least keep tabs on them so that the quality of their lives might improve. I was stunned, I couldn’t believe he’d throw his career away just to chase this pipe dream of his. I didn’t even know Marsh was concerned with that kind of thing. I didn’t have an answer of my own so I said I’d join Marsh and help with this program idea of his. Actually, even Frank and Stein seemed to agree with Marsh’s way of thinking. Little did we know the war would end less than a month after our talk and we’d all get the chance to actually put Marsh’s little idea to the test.
Once the Americans had come and discovered the compound pretty much abandoned aside from us we were all taken prisoner and shipped back to America. We were all interrogated and they either heard what they wanted to hear, or decided anyone we’d talk to about our experiences would assume we were just crazy. We were released back into society under constant surveillance. They even gave us a sizable home in D.C., it was certainly bugged to its core but thats exactly what we wanted.
Through the next year we used Frank and Steins knowledge and my supernatural nature to track down entities all over the country. We made sure that everything was discussed and planned out in the house. That way however was listening knew exactly what we were doing and how successful it was. It wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows though, some entities would rather we didn’t know about them. Others were naturally aggressive but some we were actually able to help.
Our escapades as a group of four didn’t last much past the first year. Mostly because our master plan of using the bugs worked perfectly. Ol’ uncle Sam had been listening in and wanted his chance at calling the shots but it meant we became a legitimate organization, the BSA. Technically the acronym was already taken but no one ever complained and Marsh never came up with anything better.
We spent 4 years doing everything we could to improve the lives of supernatural beings everywhere. Not every one of our endeavors was a success but we did some good in the world. One such project was blood banks for vampires. While the blood that gets donated is used for transfusions and the like some was put into cold storage for the BSA. That got distributed to vampires who had come to an agreement with us to stop hunting humans for blood. Some vampires were even selected for jobs at these blood banks, under the supervision of BSA agents of course.
The more human supernaturals like werewolves, vampires, and succubi even used us to find jobs in the world. We made in roads for the supernatural in daily life because of it. Werewolves would use their strength for government construction. Vampire’s long lives made them excellent archivists or history teachers because they actually been there for those events. A succubus’s ability to understand and control someones emotions and reactions made them excellent therapists and conflict deescalation specialists. Those are just some of the fields we managed to get the supernatural involved in. While they usually had to hide their natural they were wildly successful.
Everything went well until that fourth year when I first met Baelen. He was headstrong from the beginning, the powers that be were grooming him for leadership. He was everything they wanted, he followed orders and didn’t question things to much. In short, he was the perfect solution to the inconvenience the four of us caused running the organization as we saw fit. But baleen had a mean streak, he didn’t want to protect the supernatural so much as he wanted to put them in their place. Unfortunately a lot of the research we provided had scared pretty much everyone above us who had never even entertained the idea of the supernatural until now. That meant Baelen’s ideas of monitoring and segregating the supernatural population were popular. So popular that suggesting culling their numbers to keep them in check and under the thumb of the BSA was an idea they actually entertained. That sentiment caught on and our orders became more and more militant.
Every time we disregarded them to do things the way we had envisioned the consequence grew steeper. Eventually Frank, Stein, Marsh, and I just couldn’t stand to see what our BSA had become so we left. We couldn’t do anything else to stop what was coming from the inside, no point in going down with the ship.
After that Baelen quickly ended up heading the whole operation. He still took orders directly from government officials and when the BSA became part of homeland security it became Chimera division. Why they chose such a stupid name I’ll never know but the organization was a shadow of its former self. Before we looked out for the supernatural, tried to help. Under Baelen Chimera just exists to monitor the supernatural and “correct” any issues uncle Sam decides to have with them. They’re glorified enforcers that don’t give a damn how the supernatural actually have it. That’s not to say some good people don’t work for them, people like Belle and even Marsh’s own daughter as far as I’m aware.
It sickens me to think I was a part of it though, for all the good we did maybe it would’ve been better if Johnson Marsh’s pipe dream would’ve stayed just that. I can do a lot but I can’t change the past so I guess we’ll never know. A while ago I heard that something had happened in a little nowhere town out in New Mexico. Pretty much dropped off the face of the Earth. The only reason I even heard about it was through Belle’s letters. Apparently Chimera had to do some huge cover up job and decided it was better if the town just never existed. Maybe I should go myself and see if I can’t piece what happened together. Could be that someone else out there has it in for Chimera and is a whole lot more direct about it than me. I’m just imaging it was some runaway experiment Frank and Stein got up to. I wonder where those two ended up, I’ll have to check up on them sometime. This journal writing is digging up a lot of memories for me but thats probably a good thing. Write them down before I forget again. I think that’ll be all for today then, why do I keep addressing these like someone’s reading them? Not much point to that is there?

The night comes, streets are empty, not a single car moving on the road, but in Snyezhnaya, you can barely survive the outside at night. The last taxi parks at the parking lot of a pub, the place is known as Катюша кабак (Katyusha pub) because the waitress here is named Katyusha, and she's known for being super sweet and kind to everyone.
Radomir steps out of the taxi and enters the pub, he got slapped by an intense smell of alcohol and blood with something other unrecognizable thing, but he let these slide. Satdown in front of the table, the bartender noticed and greeted him. Радомир, приветствую! Будет ли он обычным? (Radomir, welcome! The normal as usual?) Да, Джугашвили, одна водка с каплей звериной крови, Спасибо! (Yes, Jugashvili, one vodka with a drop of sumpter beast blood, Thank you!) As he got the drink, he grabbed a newspaper and lighted a smoke. The front news were quiet good. It said that the situation in Natlan is going so smoothly that Capitano highly ranked Fatui harbinger decided to revisit his homeland Snyezhnaya to tell some news to the people, and pay another respect in front of La Signora's grave. As Radomir read the newspaper, the door of the pub opens, and a menacing dark tower rises inside the building.
It was "Him".
He asks for mixed red wine with Jueyun chili pepper, served steaming hot. When Jugashvili asked why he askes for such a drink, he said that it's cold, and he needs something hot to drink. No one knew why he would visit this cheap and dirty pub but who cares, it's his choice. Capitano sat down next to Radomir, They greated each other, by only saying each others name one after the other. Capitano noticed Radomir reading the news and whispered something weird to him. K: Мы нашли то, о чем не говорят новости. (We found something the news are not telling.) R: А что это такое? (And what is it?) K: Новый вид животных, ну, в основном, нельзя назвать отдельным животным. (A new animal species, well, mostly, can't be called as a separate animal.) R: Гвандзалжапп? Я слышал об этом только в сказках. Что это такое? (The gvandzalzhapp? I have only heard about it in tales. What exactly it is?) K: Эти монстры образуются, когда большое количество животных, независимо от вида, умирает на небольшой территории, и их души не могут пройти загробную жизнь. Их тела превращаются в одно целое гротескным образом, вместе с их душами и разумом, что приводит к совершенно безумной и кровожадной вещи. Они обладают способностями, основанными на видах, которые входят в организм. (These monsters are formed when a large amount of animal, regardless of species dies in a small area, and their souls cannot pass the afterlife. Their bodies gets morphed into one in a grotesque way, together with their souls and mind that leads to a totally crazy and bloodthirsty thing. They have abilities based on the species that are included in the body.)
They continue to talk about the events and the gvandzalzhapp things in Natlan, but they both forgot about the most important question about these monsters.
Why only Natlan? Why only there? Unlike the hilichurls and humans that are born. The Gvandzalzhapp is spawns basically, and not born. There were corpse mountais in all of the nation, and nothing happened there. But why? Maybe the pyro archon has some kind of power...