Hcg cheated and still lost

I am 22 yo guy. 6ft3 (191cm) and weigh around 310 lbs (140kg). The fat in my body tends to accumulate around my hips, thighs and buttocks which is weird for a male. My upper body is also fat but very small relative to my lower body. Basically upper body looks like a normal guy with a decent dad bod and some waist fat. I have lost around 20 kg (44 lbs) now down from 160 kg but still most of the fat went from my upper body and a little from lower. If anyone has a similar issue or know why this may be the case please share. I am worried it might be low testosterone or high estradiol but I dont have any other symptoms associated with these. Also one weird thing is the fat all over my body feels like tiny lumps when pinched that vary in size they're a bit firm and kinda slide around but not painful in any way.

Hey all, from recommendation from my little sister, I have come to Reddit to seek help.
So I have this friend, well, it’s complicated for me right now. We’ve known eachother since we were both 4 years old, and have been friends for 20 years now. He’s been one of my greatest friends forever up until our senior year of high school where he started spread false rumors about me, and when proven that they were fake, he apologized. Now this was pretty serious rumors that I had done sexually abusive things, so I was pretty mad, but I eventually did forgive him for what he told everyone behind my back. Come now five years later, we go on a vacation with my other best friend and his fiancé. He offered to drive me and my fiancé and we agreed, since we were on the way. Now, he has a girlfriend who is also married to someone else (yeah it’s super complicated) and while I don’t think the relationship is the healthiest, I supported him. She was going through some personal stuff and really wanted him to come back to console her. He then asks me, since we are his ride, if we can leave early. Now he asks while we are all out and about on vacation so I say “sure” mostly because it catches me off guard, but after talking with my fiancé, we decide to pull him aside and talk about how we want to stay, as my other best friend lives across the country and we only see eachother once a year. He then poses an ultimatum to us that we HAVE to leave early or he’s leaving us there. Needless to say, I began sobbing and my fiancé stuck up for me and brought me to confront him in front of the others. He was very adamant on sticking to his ultimatum, and I go into the hall sobbing. Mind you this is 10 minutes before a big dinner reservation we had planned out. I eventually muster up enough strength to get ready for dinner, and we have to ride in the same car as the friend who wants to leave me. It doesn’t take long before my fiancé screams at the friend telling him how badly he’s treating me and how if he hurts me, he hurts him too (love my fiancé to death for sticking up for me so much) and he finally realizes he’s not fully in the right so he apologizes, but still asks that we leave earlier than everyone else. Feeling defeated, I agree. Now, I told him I forgave him, but I’m not really sure if I do or I did? I feel he put his girlfriend(?) way ahead of me when we’ve been best friends for 20 years and he knew her for 6 months to a year. The whole situation felt fucked to me, so I haven’t spoken to him much since. I’m cordial interacting, but he has hardly reached out to me two months later, and I question if I’m even a priority in his life when I had seen him so highly before.
Today at work, I get a call from somewhere he wants to apply to. I immediately hang up because I’m unsure what to do. They left a voicemail, asking about him because I was listed as a recommendation. I feel so lost right now, because on the one hand, I still don’t think he sees why exactly what he did was so wrong to me or saw how hurt he’s made me, and I’ve already been betrayed twice by him, I don’t know if I want to give it another chance and I don’t know if I have it in me to help with the recommendation if I feel so dishonest, but I also don’t want to screw him out of a job just because I feel a certain way when he has in the past done some really great things for me and I share a lot of great times with him.
So Reddit, should I follow through with the interview recommendation or ignore it?

** this is a long rant
We broke up yesterday — after 16 months together and what was both our first relationship (both around 18-19 y/o). I met him online, me in nyc and him in LA. We both got into the same college and our first interaction was nothing but sparks. There was no consideration for looks, background, and what nots. To me, that was the purest form of connection and intent of interest. Fom my daylight to midnights, our hours were full of conversations, flirts, and little did I know, the beginning of love.
After three months of talking, he traveled across the country to meet me and those memories felt like scenes out of a Hollywood movie. Those memories I kept on as we did LDR for the next 5 months until college started. While it was hard, I learned with the time difference and schedule differences, it’s not the quantity of time you spend with each other but if the person on the other end is worth waiting for. I waited.
When college rolled around, he filled his schedule once again with student govt campaigns, clubs, and networking events (we go to a highly competitive school). I waited. I gave him my all (my firsts of everything) and we went on dates here and there but it felt nothing of what he promised: the quinesstenial college romance of holding hands down campus, studying in the library, watching the first autumn leaves fall. I asked why we can’t do all of this and he told me he’s busy and that there’s that insecurity in him to show personal life in public. I empathsized as his touch and his care behind the door meant more that what was displayed. So I became accustomed to waiting.
During winter, I reflected on our relationship: the imbalances of love. I asked am I receving as much as I’m giving? My love langauge is acts of service and physical touch. His, as I came to conclude, is quite rare. Because of his ambition, time is his most valuable asset — no matter how busy he is, he always makes time to spend time with me. I know that he loves me because he’s a person who puts up a strong front, a big smile, and what seems to be never-ending energy, but when he’s with me, he’s able to let it go. Like a bird who everyone sees soaring but only I can see when he’s down, with his wing tucked, and defenseless. I came to treasure this trust between us and proud of how deeply connected we became from just talking through a screen to be spending arm and limb next to each other.
-Yet, I couldn’t heal him. No matter how hard I’ve tried, he feels as if he lost himself in with the amount of things he’s trying to accomplish in college and as he tries to find his passion to pursue. Because we only spend nights together in the comfort of my room when both of us are tired from the day’s schedules, that old spark of never-ending conversations of random topics disappeared. For him, he enjoys my company but sometimes he feels as if this relationship felt like an obligation. Because I spent so much time invested to him, I also lost sight of who I was coming into college, full of aspirations to do and explore.
We talked about this issue, and I told him, yes we need to redirect our focus but it doesn’t have to mean the chopping board. As students, the most and least I can give is my time for when he needs support and comfort. I want to be with him along this journey and come out into real adulthood with memories and success to share. But as the stubborn soul he is, he reaffirms that he doesn’t want us to cling on and salvage the bare minimum. he told me, “if I have a chance at loving you again after college, I will fall even harder.”
This love was becoming cancerous. From one day to the next, our love catching closer to the end depsite our souls becoming more saturated with depth. Why can’t love be everlasting like the fairytales promised.
I miss him so much and I don’t know how I should treat him. should i wait for him until we’re ready? what are the boundaries of us? we both agreed to continue to talk because we care and support each other but will he still be soft and gentle to me because he loves me but we’re not in a relationship? will he wait for us?

So, I'll may seem like a horrible person, but I genuinely love my boyfriend who I'll call A, he's really sweet and I wouldn't ask for anything more, he's kind, he plays the same videogames as me, he wishes me good morning and goodnight despite out 8 hour time difference, and I genuinely love him with all my heart, he's all I could ever ask for. I've been dating A for around 4 months.
But as per the title, I also have another man in my heart, a guy in my university, let's call him H. We're in the same course (I'm doing a degree in physics) and we've bonded over some of the topics and theories discussed (states of matter, cold fusion, warp engines, ect), now I'd like to clarify, I've had a crush (if I can even call it that) on H for way longer than A and myself have been dating, but when i initially met A, he completely blew me away with how well our personalities match.
A is a homebody and doesn't work out, but he's not severely overweight, I mean, he's still really cute to me, but idk, there's something about H that just takes my breath away every time I see him, H is very active and I can tell he has a great body, well, I know he does, because he invited me to watch one of his water-polo matches. I'd like to clarify, I've never once found athletic bodies this attractive before, in most cases I preferred boys with some meat on their bones. I'd personally say thay A has my favourite body type.
I'm genuinely so conflicted, I don't know what to do, I don't want to cheat because that's just cruel and horrible. In the long run however I'm not sure my heart can take being with H for another year without saying anything. Non of my friends are helping me, saying things like "go for H, he's got a hotter body", they keep trying to get me to break up with A to get with H, but i don't want to leave A, as he's the first guy I've dated who's treated me with genuine love and affection. But at the same time H treats me kindly and is always there when I'm going through something tough, not to mention his brain stored everything. I love H's laugh, i love his smile, I love the way he speaks, I love the way he smells, but I can say the same things for A.
So please Reddit... what should I do?
Also, for extra information, I've known H since year 8 (like grade 7?) And A got about a year.

I found out my old best friend from high school (a little over a decade ago) died in a way we had extensively talked about. I had even bought him a necklace that was “protective” from that. I had a very dramatic response. It’s been months of intense crying and I just couldn’t get any ground to stand on with my grief. I finally reached out to another friend to maybe talk through some of it and the past.
After talking about two different things he did to me…I realized I forgot(repressed?) months of memories(the chaotic ones) towards the end. Enough that I even forgot him and I had finally gotten together after years of will they won’t they in a very dramatic way…while also hiding it from everyone that knew us. I think the only proof I have is a photo somewhere of our hidden facebook status change as he hid everything with me and apparently didn’t even talk about me to our other close friends. And then after some months of a stalemate with where we were going with boundaries in our relationship…he came out to me and said he didn’t want me to fall in love with some other guy. That he was in love with me and everything I was but that he couldn’t be with me in the way I needed. He tried to say I could basically cheat on him when I said monogamy was important to me and he was the only person I wanted. We tried to walk it back to friends, but I was pretty messed up after all of that and he still held firm on not wanting to be in my life if there was another guy. I never even got to tell anyone that we were together or else I would have outed him since we were so compatible and people would have questioned it. Through the years I tried to be supportive of his relationship, all of which he ignored. The one time he tried to contact me was a month and a half before my wedding, which now I finally remember why I didn’t invite him. I panicked and did not pick up the phone. I had texted him if he wanted to hang out we should do that sometime. He never contacted me again.
And now I’m just sitting here all wound up, very anxious and shaky after days. I’m kind of scared I forgot some major events between us. I think I just told myself it was all fake on his part. Obviously he hid me for a long time and downplayed it. I kept asking myself why did I feel like I didn’t mean anything to him but what I felt was real? I even very publicly chose him over another guy after they got in a dumb fight over me. I don’t know how to process anything anymore. I loved him with everything in me. I literally held out hope one day we’d still be able to be friends again. I don’t think everything was entirely fake on his end as he kissed me while my nose was running all down my face after that momentous blow up. I don’t think I would have done that. That's pretty much all the humor I can muster.

She broke up with me because she said I was unsupportive. The first example is when she got off the waitlist at a good university and decided to go there instead of the college we were supposed to go to together and live off campus at. I was clearly upset for a couple of days because all of our plans that I thought were a guarantee were flipped upside down and now we would be a 9 hour drive apart. But, after a while, I accepted that this school would be better for her and that she would be happy there and we could make this work. Over the next 6 months I would fly to her once or twice a month and spend the weekend and in all that time she only visited me once, but I didn't mind because we were still seeing each other. Now, she is currently studying abroad and was supposed to come back to visit, but she canceled in order to pursue a bike race. This obviously upset me and I was bummed for a day or two because I wouldn't be seeing her but I was still cheerful because I would be visiting over spring break. Then she decided that instead of coming straight home for summer she would also be extending her stay for 2 months for another bike race she wanted to do. This canceled our plans for summer where we would go on a camping/road trip. This again upset me for a while and I would ask if she could come home and fly out for the race later and even offered to pay for it. But no matter what solution I posed it was always "No, it's just another month or two and then we will see each other". Eventually, I accepted this and looked forward to the couple of weeks we would have for summer. I visited over spring break and things were great and just how they were in person and while I was there she let me know that she didn't appreciate the fact that she felt I wasn't showing as much support as her family and friends when she had these great opportunities and wanted better from me in the future. She said that I was always too sad for too long and that she had these great races to do that her family made her realize she would regret doing and that I was the only thing holding her back because she didn't want to upset me. I agreed and told her I would try to work on that and be more excited for what she is doing vs what we are losing from these opportunities. When I came home everything was good for about two months. Then two weeks ago she says she has some things she wants to talk about but she wants time to think them through. A week later we begin a break because she wants to be able to rethink all her decisions and her lifestyle. Then yesterday I asked her to talk because I had thought of some solutions to our problem and how we can return to how things were because I was under the impression that the break was just that, a break and we would be back together after. Then she says that the problem has altered her feelings and she doesn't think she could be happy in the relationship but she was willing to hear me out. She agreed that everything I said would fix it and improve the relationship but she didn't want to be in a relationship where she was unhappy even though we were going to be working on it and she thought it would fix it. All of this came as a shock to me because there was nothing from the time that we were together over spring break and now that I could've shown differently about my supportiveness. Now all I feel is lost because we had been together for 1.5 years and never had any problems before this was the first big one. And even though we found a solution we both think would work she doesn't want to try. But, I can't imagine my life without her so I don't know what to do. I don't think reaching out now would help so I'm thinking of meeting up with her over the summer when she is back and see if she can fall in love again then, but I also know I should move on and can't spend the next 2 months in limbo just waiting for her to return. But, whenever I think about not speaking with her or the plans we were supposed to have and the future we wanted to build I get dizzy and can't imagine living my life without her. Even her dad was shocked and still wants to stay in contact with me and is coming to visit soon because I was really close with her family and they all thought we were perfect together. All in all I just want advice on what people think I should do because I want her back.

Found out my ex cheated on me and left me for my bsf nearly 2 weeks ago. She tried to hide it from me and now she’s been caught guilty and is making my life awful. There’s rumours about me and I’ve lost everyone. It’s so painful seeing them together seeing there posts. What did I do and why can’t I just be good enough for once and what have I done to deserve this

I have absolutely no idea what to do. I have nobody to rely on. I don't know what to do. I am 19f. My life is a complete shit show. I was bullied not only emotionally but physically throughout my childhood, primarily due to being neurodivergent, though I didn't know that at the time, just thought I was "weird" and nobody liked me despite being a kind kid. I was obsesssed with early childhood education, reading books by Maria Montessori and writing teaching philosophy statements at the age of 8. I was paralyzed for about a year at the age of 11 and suffered severe medical trauma in the hospital as well. I felt my autonomy was stripped away from me and various professionals there, looking back, were abusive and negligent. There in the hospital I remember wanting to die for the first time. When I got out, the bullying just got worse because now I had the whole being-in-a-wheelchair-thing going against me too. I ended up doing stupid shit to impress my peers and try to make friends, which just meant that I was constantly getting into trouble as a younger teen, which didn't help my mental health. I tried to kill myself at 13. My mom slapped me in the face while I was bleeding from my wrists and told me I was going to ruin her reputation and that I couldn't go to the hospital. I really needed stitches, I still have very visible scars from that day. She sewed holes in some long sleeved shirts for me to put my thumbs through to hide my arms at school and told me not to tell anyone. Things were never the same between me and my parents. I began at 14 seeking validation from adult men online. It was stupid and reckless, but it helped in the moment. I was kidnapped a week before I was supposed to start high school by a 33 year old man. He drove me to a different state 500 miles away, raped me, and tried to strangle me to death before police came. They treated me like a suspect and handcuffed me and made me sit in a cold car for 3 hours in the middle of the night. There was an amber alert sent out all over. I was put in a psych ward for about a week and then began 9th grade at a new school as "the girl from the amber alert" to everyone around me. Everyone was talking about it and asking for specifics and making jokes about what happened to me. It also made me a target for older boys who thought it was evidence that I was easy to manipulate. One of them ended up being the reason I had to leave school a month later. I did online school with my now emotionally abusive parents for several months before starting at a new school. But then, covid shut everything down again, and it was all taken away from me. My mental health was terrible and my parents opted for an unhelpful tough love approach. I became very hypersexual due to my trauma, which ended in me being assaulted more times than one. My parents blamed me and began to resent me, their words not mine. I entered a long term relationship at 16 with a boy I truly loved, we will call him K. K got me pregnant and I wanted to keep it, but my parents forced me to get an abortion with illegal drugs. It was traumatizing and I spiraled. A mentor figure who was a family friend betrayed me horribly. K got me pregnant again. I was on birth control, though everyone believes it was intentional, it was not. My parents said I could either get an abortion or leave home, so I moved out at 17. I got my shit together. For a while, things were good. I got an associates degree incredibly quickly and began a successful career in early childhood education as I had always dreamed. I worked my way up to a lead teacher at 18 and loved it. K and I were so happy. He proposed. The kind of true love most people never get to experience. Most of my peers drifted away during my pregnancy. I didn't care, I had K, my unborn baby, and my job. Then, while in labor, I found out K was cheating on me the entire time. I forgave him and we tried again, though I was postpartum and heartbroken. I stayed home with my newborn son while he worked, or so I thought. Really, he got fired or never went to every job I thought he had. He would drive there and turn his data off so his location was set there all day. He would stage pictures and talk about work. Really he was cheating, doing drugs, and playing video games while I was at home with our baby. His anger issues got worse and he'd get violent but not to the extent that I couldn't justify it to myself. His whole family knew. The cycle of him being caught and apologizing profusely and then doing it again went on for a while before he said that he needed to get out of his house where his cheater DV father was impeding his progress in getting better. I love him. It made sense, his dad was clearly where the behavior stemmed from. I left my housing program to get him out and we all 3 lived in hotels for a few months. I had to sell my body to afford a place for us to live. I was working full time as a lead teacher it just wasn't enough. He still couldn't keep a job but he wasn't lying or cheating. I got us a nice apartment all on my own. Things were good for a while. His anger issues would flair up at times but not as bad, and no lying or infidelity. We had so many heart to hearts. We got married. I did great at my job. He started doordashing for income. Things were going well. Then 6 months into our marriage, about 9 months after we moved out/7 months after we got our apartment, he sprung on me that he wanted a divorce. That was about 7 months ago now. We have been living together and I have been hoping to rebuild. In his vows, he swore so sincerely and in such great heartfelt detail to do better and be better and stand by me. And then he just through it all away. He has been so mean lately. Sometimes things are okay and it's like everything is the same. But he thinks I don't clean enough even though I try and he says I don't support him emotionally even though I really feel like I do. I also pay for everything, I even bought him an 800 dollar PC a couple months ago. I got really sick a month ago. Like vomiting 10+ times a day. I thought I had a stomach bug and didn't have money to go to the doctor over something so trivial that would clear up on its own. I made too much for medicaid but still not a lot. After only 4 days of being gone and feeling like shit, my work fired me. After another week or so of feeling sick and getting so weak I thought I was dying, I went to the hospital. They said all the vomiting had made me very dehydrated and I was lacking in a lot of vitamins. They gave me medicine and an IV. Turns out I'm pregnant and have HG. I'm pretty far along. At first K was supportive but now he acts like I'm trying to "trap" him with a baby, which doesn't even make sense. We were having unprotected sex and the only birth control was that I am breastfeeding, which he knew, so it isn't that crazy of an outcome. He has been so cruel and angry, saying terrible things. He threatens to leave when he gets mad so I beg him to stay because he knows I'd be all alone and I love him a lot. He has said some terribly cruel things and it's like every tiny thing I do wrong makes me the villain. Yesterday he blew up on me and it was scary and terrible. Today, I found out the few friends I thought I had hate me. One of them sent me the most cruel message I have ever received completely unprompted. I have no family support, no friends, my husband hates me, and everyone I've ever cared about except my son (who is different because he's too young to understand and he loves everyone and he is also a responsibility) wants nothing to do with me unless they are using me. I am so suicidal. I know a lot of people are suicidal but I am genuinely at a point where I am close to doing something I can't take back. But I can't because of my kids, both the 1 year old and the unborn one. And as much as I know I should be grateful for that, it feels so unfair. I've been having to do things I don't want to for money again. I have another great teaching job lined up but I don't start for at least a month. I feel like I should go to a hospital but I live in a state with a very high child removal rate even in cases of just mental health. I am a great mom, even though my husband and ex friends do not seem to agree. I can't risk having my fitness as a parent called into question over an unrelated mental health issue, especially since K's family and lots of people in my life would love the chance to lie about me to cps, and since I'm not employed right now, it doesn't look great. I don't know what to do. I feel so alone. I'm so so hurt. It feels like everything is falling apart. Not that long ago, I was a lead teacher, a wife, I felt like a respected and respectable person. Now I just feel like my train wreck of a life full of trauma has taunted me with this perfect picket fence life that I worked so hard for just to rip it away from me and leave me a useless unemployed incubator that everyone hates and is only holding on for her kids sake. The only people who talk to me or "care" just want to fuck me. Even the people interested in a relationship with me and seem like "good Christian men" are still driven by lust even if they disguise it to themselves. I have never felt so hopeless. I feel like I don't deserve this but everyone from my partner to my parents to my ex friends seem to think I do so maybe I'm just fooling myself.

It has been nearly two weeks and I’d had no contact and it hadn’t been shipped so I opened a dispute. They said they “forgot” to make it shipped but it was sent out days ago. Ok. Two working days pass. Still nothing. It takes 1-2 business days in the uk. So I message saying listen it’s lost. and she says be patient. If it’s not there in a week I’ll refund.
So I need to wait 3 weeks for a package that’s being shipped from my own country? Rly?
Should I just wait still? Idc about the item anymore tbh I’ve made orders that are arriving as normal which is just annoying me more

Hey yall so far this year has been great on no fap I started to really take it seriously about two years ago and I have been making a lot of progress near the end of 2023 and now almost perfect progress in 2024. My longest streak before 2024 started in august and went into early October. After this I could only get 1 week streaks but then I really started on the 2nd of January and made it till the 13th of April (my longest streak) and ended up releasing. It really helped because I got a girlfriend in this period. I started to peek once in a while in April due to stress of school but nothing crazy though just soft stuff (I know that’s still bad) and I had one day where I didn’t sleep so well + chaser effect from gf which is what caused me to cave. It was a quick relapse too which is good I didn’t edge that much definitely under 20 minutes. Today I just relapsed twice first because I'm on college break away from my girlfriend so it's been hard to manage my urges starting with “accidentally finding it” on insta/safari (please lmk yall know what im talking about) and I saw quick flashes of it and this occurred for about an hour and a half because I looked at my screen time I was only seeing flashes of it though I wasn’t fully watching the whole time and they were mainly pictures no videos. Those two times I ended up Oing were to me and my girlfriend’s sex tape. They were both two quick sessions though I didn't edge at all because I came quick. I’m feeling really down I just got back from the gym which helped but it just feels like all progress is lost even though I didn’t binge that much. Is this even considered binging I’m just really scared right now and don’t want to slip into the rabbit hole again. I have been able to get control of myself but I just don’t want to disappoint my girlfriend because I told her that I used to struggle with this addiction. It would be appreciated if I could receive some feedback.

I lost so much weight for a competition (powerlifting) went from 59kg to 51kg and still didn't look toned. Was lifting the whole time though. After I kinda binged too much and gained it all back in two weeks. Needless to say I was kinda done with the weightloss thing especially since I had what I wanted for the competition. Decided to just start bulking and not giving a f about being thin. In just a few days of eating a shtload of food (also '"unhealthy") and lifting even more and heavier because I have more energy, my body looks toned. This is your sign, if the scale goes down and you don't look toned, to just get to bulking and eat your ice cream.

So my brother (32M) has always been rude to me (34M). When i first met my wife (33) 5 years ago, he started to be rude to her as well and made fun of her because shes not as educated as him. His financee came into the scene around a year ago and she was no different and made fun of my wife for not being as educated as them. It was a big issue, lot of fights in my family because of the things they said about my wife, and my parents told us to forgive me. Fine, we did.
Last week, my brother was again making fun of me while we were at a friends place. I let it slide and just laughed it off because I’m just used to it at this point. After a while, I had enough and made a comment about his appearance. He immediately became angry and started making fun of our newborn (2 months old) in front of everyone, including his fiancee. I lost it. I swore at him and yelled at him. One of our friends told him to apologize and of course he didnt. His fiancee didnt tell him to apologize or stop.
I told our parents that i have no interest in talking to him or his fiancee and that my wife, our baby and I are not attending the wedding. Now my parents are telling us to attend, what will people think if we arent there, etc. he still hasnt said sorry and instead is saying I’m at fault because I made fun of him.
So, would i be the asshole if we didnt attend the wedding?

Hi, I'm gonna give some feedback on my wargames experience. I know this is a big part of the long term homeworld strategy, so I hope the feedback is helpful. I am NOT going to talk about fleet v fleet or campaign at all, if anything applies to those modes, it is incidental and not intended as the focus of my feedback.
Setting / Map
So I feel that the map selection is incredibly limited. The fact is it feels like there are maybe 3 different possible maps for every stage, and that just doesn't feel great. Very repetitive.
Just more variety is needed here.
Spawns
I think the Incursion spawns are terrible. It is a war of attrition and it just feels like running a sprint every time and doesn't feel like anything we do ever creates a calm experience. I think challenge is an interesting concept, which I think Blizzard did well in Starcraft 2 co-op, by having difficulties (AI gets smarter, more capable), and eventually mutators (the difficulty remains, which is basically fairly straightforward once you get used to it, and now mutators make you play differently).
The constant nonestop onslaught is okay at first, but stops being fun quickly.
Artifacts and Fleets
I put both of these together because I think the two are heavily woven in.
I think the artifact system is interesting but _too_ random. The fact is that I may want to try out say a bomber build with the bomber fleet, with a focus on tank frigates and high damage bombers, or all assault frigates, etc. The problem is the artifacts are so random, sometimes I just get a fun combo of nonestop recon buffs and nothing useful. It just doesn't feel good.
And on that note, the ship comps are very weird given limited resources. For example a comp of 6 assault frigs + 2 support frigs is FAR more hitpoints and damage, than 3 times that cost in interceptors. A frigate at 20% hp that can heal is 0 money lost. 5 interceptors where 4 died is 4/5 of the cost destroyed and unrepairable. I like the Homeworld 2 version where fighters have squads, and as long as the squad is still alive, it can be reinforced. It solved that problem better than homeworld 1's style of individual fighters did. And for a mode where resources are very scarce, this is critical.
Frigates have the added bonuses of if you cap a frigate, you get another free frigate. Good luck capping fighters / corvettes.
So this all leads to very weird situations:

• recon ships are a waste of cash as they'll die and you lose too much cash
• interceptors are the same
• bombers are a specific strategy where if you get lucky on RNGesus roles, you can stealth bomb insta pop destroyers and frigates, and hope not too much cash is lost per run.
• optimal strategies seem to revolve around basically death-balling assault frigates and getting the right random artifacts.
• most of the time, we can't really "fight" and instead have to objective dunk.

What i'd like to see

• Get rid of incursions, and replace them with occasional carrier warp-ins. We can now destroy them and create breathing room to repair, rearm, etc.
• Allow us to sabotage the enemy's resources to significantly reduce their ability to reinforce. That way its not just an infinite wave of enemies.
• Make capturing count towards the unit count max. This will at least limit frigates a bit.
• Make artifacts semi-random. Or at least let us choose at least paths we want to focus on. My argument would be to eliminate randomness and let us just choose a "tech tree" that we buy via artifacts. This will create a wonderful progression. The fact that its not random isn't a bad thing.
• Add randomness in the form of mutators. For example every difficulty level will add some:

enemy carriers spawn more units, enemy units cost less, double carriers, enemy assault frigates lob miniature giant space hamsters at you, etc. These can all be interesting random changes that become addons as the missions progress to make the game more challenging, while also not taking away our agency in our ability to execute on strategies with our faction.

• Change up fighters / corvettes to be groups, that way we can micromanage groups retreating and repairing vs just losing cash immediately. I want to see fighters and corvettes changed so that we don't just waste cash on them. This will lead to far more varied tactics.
• With that, make the ships sleected work similarly to how starcraft selects large numbers of units (small colored icons, etc). So we can still micromanage as needed. The "select damaged" is a good feature, but often hard to manage given that I can issue a dock order, but now I need to order other units and don't have an easy way to do it. The entire selection system needs some very serious re-work to be a good game control scheme requiring micro managing. At a MINIMUM "select damaged" and "select undamaged" would be very useful.
• I think some game design from you guys is needed on how to change the game from a DPS race, to positional gameplay, even to some extent. That way "the blob" isn't the optimal strategy.

Closing thoughts
I see the community is very small and not really growing that rapidly. I hope to see wargames changed to a point where everyone will be excited to jump in on it. Finding it hard to find people to play with even among HW enthusiasts.
I haven't even unlocked all the fleets for war games and I'm kinda done with it. Looking at the year 1 pack... I don't even have enthusiasm for buying it because... I just don't play enough to justify spending extra.

Hi :)
Apologies for any grammar errors, English is not my first language. I'm a firm believer of the law since discovering it at the beginning of the year. As soon I discovered this law so much of my life made sense. I have definitely manifested things in the past, from jobs to money to previous relationships ending (I did not want them to end but realise now that I was the cause of them ending by having negative assumptions/self-concept). I know I can be a powerful manifestor and I don't doubt the law, but I feel stuck in a rut right now with a situation I am trying to manifest and would appreciate some insight on how to move forward. Buckle in as it is a long story, but you will hopefully see some successes in this post too if you are doubtful of the law yourself, which I am happy to give my insight on.
I am a woman, and my SP is also a woman. I strongly believe that I manifested her because before we met I was unintentionally manifesting my perfect partner, and bam, along comes this girl who is just my type and ticks every box. It was almost like I dreamt her up. We didn't delve straight into a relationship, we first met on discord (long-distance) just by chance and I was very intrigued by SP from the offset, almost as if I knew she would be important to me. I now know that it's having these beliefs in the first place that created what would later unfold with her. What I used to call intuition I now know was my own power. I knew that SP liked girls because we met on a discord server for the LGBTQ+ community, and we both shared our experiences of being newly out, late-blooming lesbians etc. However, SP did make it clear that she was married to a man, so despite my intrigue towards her I did not actively try and pursue anything. Her marriage and the fact she lives in a different country, I guess she felt out of reach, but I still thought about her a lot. The key is that I didn't think about her in an obsessive way, I wasn't attached or obsessed yet. I believe the barriers I saw between us stopped the attachment from growing. Remember, I didn't know about the law at this time so I didn't have the mindset that circumstances don't matter, there are no barriers etc. But I believe that my thoughts and "gut instinct" about her paired with my detachment did create movement, because she messaged me privately. I felt she was being flirty but again I didn't pursue it as she was married and seemed off limits. At this point she was merely a crush.
Fast forward a year later, I actually have a crush on someone else at this point, someone a lot more "accessible". The crush wasn't a deep one (yet) but an exciting one, but before it has chance to go anywhere my SP came fully into my life. Before this point SP had been somebody who I saw post occasionally on discord and whenever I did I would think about her, I called her my online crush jokingly to my friends etc., but we only talked on occasion and openly on the server. It was nothing deep. But this all changed just as I started crushing on someone else and suddenly SP privately messaged me, and we have never gone a day without messaging since. I'm mentioning this because I wonder if anybody can provide insight as to why my SP coming forward finally manifested when I started crushing on somebody else.
As soon as we started talking the attachment hit. My other crush I forgot about so quickly and all attention was on SP. Now that I knew her on a more personal level my feelings grew stronger and it went from an online crush to falling deeply in love. It all unfolded very naturally and authentically. Remember that SP is married so we had no intentions to fall in love, and I didn't consciously manifest this because I didn't know the law at the time, but I do believe in it because of what happened. I felt so connected to SP and I remember just feeling "intuitively" that SP felt the same. Even though she had a husband I told myself that she must be unhappy as I knew she was a lesbian who had only recently discovered her sexuality 5 years into her marriage. All of this manifested, SP revealed she had developed feelings for me and she told me that not only was she unhappy with her husband, he was very abusive and she was having doubts about her marriage. We got closer and closer and developed a deep friendship, she relied on me a lot for emotional support in her toxic marriage, and when we met in person everything was perfect. She was financially trapped in her abusive relationship but told me that as soon as she could get out she would leave and be with me. Everything between us was pure and beautiful and I had no doubts or insecurities, which is why I think I managed to manifest a perfect relationship between us. When I say perfect I mean in terms of feelings and how she was showing up for me and the fact that our feelings were reciprocated. The not perfect part was her marriage, and on reflection I think I had limiting beliefs about her leaving because I always felt it was financially impossible. I believe this is why she hasn't left. But I did have confidence and security in how she felt about me, and I knew that she was in love with me and was only with her husband due to finances, so her openness and feelings manifested. She affirmed to me many times I was the only one she loved like that. Despite the situation, I had never felt so loved, and I looked forward to our future.
But here is where things started to change, as time progressed (it had been around a year of being close to her at this point) I started to experience doubt and my self-concept started to slip. I started to really worry about the 3P even though this had never been an issue before. Before I had KNOWN she didn't love him and only loved me, but now I started having doubts of "she hasn't left yet, she must be happy with him again" even though I knew logically the reason she hadn't left was due to not being able to financially afford the divorce, scared of him etc. I would flit between that logic and the emotions I had about it all and I also started having this belief that she was going to end any chance of a future with us and say she wanted to just be friends. Well guess what, exactly that happened. I was shocked because we had such a beautiful love that I never imagined ending, but I know now that my insecure thoughts created this reality. I will say that during this time she would still tell me she was unhappy with 3P and still had hopes to be with me one day, but she just couldn't promise a future with me because it felt like emotional cheating on 3P which I understood. We remained close, still talking every day, I would say she seemed a lot more inconsistent with me in terms of the future but has always maintained the feelings are still there (just doesn't like to talk about it as much as we once did because it makes her feel guilty towards 3P). Again, analysing this, I think my own doubts have created this inconsistency because sometimes I would be positive about us, other times negative, and I think this is what was reflected to me in the 3D.
At the beginning of this year things seemed quite bad between us and we were fighting a lot, which is when I discovered the law. I started to apply the teachings and by February time I had major movement. SP was very loving, talking about a future again, things were great between us. The one thing I still haven't cracked I think, is the limiting belief about her actually being able to leave her marriage. A reminder again that she has always told me she wants to leave her marriage, the only reason she stays is logistical and financial difficulties, but sometimes I think the logistical and financial difficulties overwhelm me and cause self-limiting beliefs. I've been trying all the methods, SATS, affirmations, self-concept work and believing I am chosen, and trying to live in the end. As I said I have had some success as recent as 2 months ago, but the past month things are worse than ever and I'm almost in shock over it, which is why I need help.
SP is now telling me that she is happy with her husband, things have improved and she is no longer wanting to leave. The reason I am so shocked is because this has never been the story and it's a complete 360, it almost makes me feel like I'm living in a parallel universe (which maybe I have shifted to that reality from my own thoughts). 3P has always been abusive and I have seen it with my own eyes, so to hear this from her is baffling. I'm trying to affirm that this is just her morals talking or her fears, she is trying to be true to her marriage etc. and she doesn't mean it, but I'm really struggling and I guess I'm reacting to the 3D. I know I shouldn't be doing this but this is why I'm asking for help on how to move forward. I fully believe in the law but I almost can't believe the 360 that's happened. From deeply in love to her cooling things off slightly because of her guilt, to her now saying she wants to stay with 3P. It's almost like I can't believe I could completely flip the narrative here and part of me even feels like the old reality wasn't real.
The only saving grace here is that she has told me that she still loves me, so I don't have to work on that, but the issue is she loves both of us. And she has chosen 3P right now. And I'm shocked because I never thought she would say that. So I guess basically I'm wanting advice on how to move forward in manifesting getting my SP and having her leave the 3P. I know some people are against 3P removal but this 3P is toxic and abusive, I wouldn't want her to be with him regardless of my feelings. It's like I know that I created this but I also feel so hopeless now. I already had limiting beliefs about her leaving just for logistics, now she's saying she is happy again it's making me doubt even more. On top of that we have long distance between us whereas 3P she already has a house and a marriage and a life with him. Any insights and hope and advice to move forward would be so appreciated. Or any techniques/affirmations I could use?
Part of me wonder if this just the bridge of incidents? Weird things have been happening recently too with previous SP's showing up either in my life or in my dreams. But the SP I want, this has happened :(
I'm visiting SP in her country soon and I would love to hear all the things she used to tell me and for 3P to just not be an issue. (SP and I still very close and talk every day regardless)
I know I'm a strong manifestor I just need some help. I would love to be writing a success story in 6 months time about how SP and I made it.

My GF(38F) and I(45M) have been together 2.5 years. We've been friends for a long time,had hooked up a couple of times in the past, but never been in a relationship. A couple of years ago, we became single at the same time and decided to give it a shot. We talked a lot about what each of us had been through and about not bringing past hurts/baggage into our new relationship. There was a long period of my life where I was on again-off again with my ex. Between those times, I dated other women. I mention this because a lot of my friend group thinks I left them to return to "the ex", but there were other reasons these relationships didn't work out. My current GF was very open about her worry that should my ex come calling, I'd leave her to go back(as many thought I had done before). I told her that wouldn't happen.
8 months in. Things were pretty good. I'm at her place and she falls asleep on the couch while I'm cooking, playing music and having some drinks. Stuff needs to be in the oven for a while,I'm getting a bit drunk and decide to go lie down. I end up texting my ex and passing out. My GF finds me passed out phone beside me music still playing. She said she went to turn it off and saw the texts. I don't remember exactly what I'd said, but she claims that it was that of course I wanted to be with her(the ex), but I can't. She wakes me up asking about it and telling me I need to leave. She wasn't yelling, but was very visibly upset. I ubered home and was pretty low contact the next couple of days. She's texting and calling asking if we're done, if I'm still in love with my ex. I admit that I probably shouldn’t have jumped into this relationship. Ex and I had been separated about a year, but I still missed the family and "white picket fence" dream I thought I'd found. My GF said she understood the feelings I had and that I could have talked to her about it, but that acting on them was something that she felt was a betrayal. I said it was something I needed to work through, but that it wasn’t her business. There have been a couple of other incidents where I've gotten drunk and texted my ex stuff like "I miss us". My GF saw them. I usually delete conversations with my ex because it's painful to see her name/messages in my phone. GF thinks I'm hiding things.
It's been a long time now, but it's still comes up every couple of months. She recently told me that to her it feels like cheating. There have been conversations where she says I'm contradicting myself(people saying inappropriate things while in a relationship, saying I'd leave if I wanted to be with someone else). She told me that I've apologized for her seeing the texts and being hurt, but not for actually texting my ex. I told her I don’t feel like I did anything wrong and I'm not sorry for having those feelings or sending those messages.
I'd never cheat. I love her, but she can't get over this. She's set on it being cheating and I don't feel like it is. AITA?

Like i’m so happy the song got found and the search has been concluded, but i cannot help missing the mystery and aura i got from the song when first hearing it.
Seeing the continuous desperation from people wanting the song but always having that feeling that it will never be found and will remain a lost song until the end of time. It was like it was supernatural or something, and it being found just sent us straight into reality again. Yeah idk, mixed feelings but i am still overall glad it was finally discovered, anyone else have the same feelings as me?

Monokuma MOVESET
Heavyweight with 2 jumps and a crawl
GIMMICK
Every time Monokuma gets attacked with a non-projectile attack Monokuma has a 1/61 chance to blow up instantly killing him but does tons of damage and knockback to any opponents nearby.
Basic Attacks
Jab: 1000 Blows (Jab: Mono Hits a baseball Rapid Jab: Baseball Gun used on leon)
Good damage and can flinch but no knockback and can be reflected
(Leon’s punishment Trigger Happy Havoc)
Dash: Beast Monokuma (Mono Charges forward as a dangerous beast monokuma unit)
Great Damage but decent end lag
(Beast Monokuma Units UDG)
Side Tilt: Skeleton Key (Mono Charges Key and turns it)
Two hit move. The stage does minimal damage but insures opponents
(Skeleton key used by Kyoko in Trigger Happy Havoc)
Up tilt: Mega Scepter (Points Scepter Above him as wind comes out of it’s top)
Weak Damage But Does Amazing Upwards KnockBack
(Mega Monokuma Bomb)
Down Tilt: Punishment Slam (Monokuma Slams Hammer on ground)
small flinching damage with end lag but has a 25% chance to bury and spikes if it hits someone off stage
(What happens every punishment time)
Side Smash: Take Off (A Rocket appears in front of Monokuma that flies up before crashing down)
Is a command grab and Does Great Damage but no real knockback and leaves mono from behind
(First Punishment we have seen)
Up Smash: Junkuma (Monokuma Jumps Up)
Does Great Knockback but leaves him vulnerable
(Junk Monokuma Leaping attack UDG)
Down Smash: Playtime (Monokuma Gets a random monokub and spins them around)
Does Great Damage And hits on both sides
(Monokubs and the icon spinning thing parents do with kids)
Aerials
Neutral Air: Death By Hurricane (Monokuma Spins around)
Mid damage but spikes
(When Monokuma mentions all executions and talks about death by hurricane)
F Air: Aura Aura (Monokuma Punches super fast in front of himself)
Multiple flinching hits of damage before ending with a spike
(An attack used on Monomi)
B Air: Gas Chamber (Monokuma slides backwards as foam come out his mouth)
No real knockback but has a chance to poison
(When Monokuma mentions all executions and talks about death by gas chamber)
Up Air: Sakura Defense (Monokuma Kicks Up)
Does Great Damage and Spikes
(Move Monokuma used on sakura in trigger happy havoc)
Down Air: Beasts Pounce (Monokuma turns into a beast Monokuma and pounces down to the ground)
Acts like the last half of incineror’s up special.
(Death animation when you die from beast Monokuma in UDG)
Grabs
Grab: Grabs opponent with Chain used before exections
Pummel: Drags Opponent on ground
F Throw: Grabs Opponent by the throat and puts a bomb on their chest before throwing them forward
(When Mondo throws Monokuma)
B Throw: Drags the opponent backwards before running forward
(Animation before every punishment)
Up Throw: Sirens Appear above monokuma before a bunch of units appear and dogpile the opponent
(Siren Monokuma Units and ending to almost every boss battle in UDG)
Down Throw: Monokuma pilots an excavator and crushes opponent with it (can bury)
(Alter Egos punishment)
Specials + Gimmicks
A Lot of things to mention with the special. First You might have guessed but I watch brawlfan1 including his mono moveset so a lot of these moves are gonna be similar. Speaking of which just like brawl fan suggested these are going to be randomized but fill the same general role. Except down special which will kinda work as a miscellaneous collection
Neutral Special: Despair Bullet
Number 1: Mono Spits out A Pile Of Trash (can poison and does mid damage reference to ball monokumas) 2: Monokuma Holds his staff as a monokuma bomb comes out (Acts like a homing projectile for 3 seconds before exploding. To reference its role in the boss fight if the foe hits it with a strong enough attack it will target the next closest foe which could be monokuma. From there it acts the same but can’t be hit back more then twice) 3: Monokuma Throws a Grenade (acts the same as snakes with the difference it does more damage to monokuma if hes hit by his bombs then snake gets if hes hit by his) References the bomber Monokuma units) 4: Mono Throws a crystal ball (does strong damage but no knockback. References the first kill by leon) 5: Mono Shoots out robot wasps out of a gun (can be held down to shoot out more wasps. Does small flinching damage and has a 1/10 chance to poison. References wild west insecticide) 6: Mono Throws Out Salt (acts like ice climbers down b references the cultural mixing pot)
Side Special: Despair Ride
Number 1: Monokuma Rides A Bike (acts like wario's side b with the added benefit that if it hits an opponent there is a 50% chance they drop butter which acts like an average consumable. And you can still use the side special if you leave the bike. Referencing mondos punishment) Number 2: Mono Rides a giant fist (Does Good damage but mid damage reference to bye bye ouchies) Number 3: Mono Drives A Fire Truck (Standard Gravity affected charge special lasts a second but when i say gravity affected i mean charges toward the ground and is uncancelable in the air so you better hope you were high up when you use this. Can also burn opponents. Reference to celeste ludenberg’s punishment) Number 4: Mono Rides A Robot Bison (Works like Pit's Side B with out the final Uppercut. Reference to Gundhan’s punishment) Number 5: Mono Rides Peko as she slashes forward (Acts like a weaker version of Mythra’s side b references one woman army) Number 6: Mono Rides A pac man robot (Works like pac man's side b. Reference to please insert coin)
Up Special: Despair Elevation
Number 1: A Rope appears tied over monos neck raising him up before a spiked wall flies into him (A decent amount of elevation but no control. Also the raising of monokuma doesn’t do damage, only the spiked wall does. A reference to Kaede’s punishment) Number 2: Monokuma Grows wings and flies upwards (works like pit’s up special) Number 3: Mono gets a jetpack and flies up (works like robs up b) Number 4: Mono Flings a vine over head (Basic tether recovery with one major difference. If you use the move in the air without grabbing anything the vine will break and cause monokuma to fall where he acts as a projectile. A reference to the strand of agony) Number 5: Monokuma will blow up as another Monokuma comes out riding a giant bug as it spins holding out scythes (acts like wario's up special with less height but way more damage. References wild west insecticide) Number 6: Monokuma Turns into a rocket and slightly goes up before he drills below himself (acts like ganon's wizard foot in the air. If right next to the ledge then it can grab on but this is mainly meant to troll. Much like the reference of the second ignition)
Down Special: Random Despair
Number 1: Monokuma wears a riot shield for 10 seconds which blocks all attacks from the front reference to guard monokuma units. Number 2: Monokuma Gets Electrocuted acting like pikachus thunder reference to the first thing monokuma mentions when he talks about possible executions. Number 3: Monokuma flails his arms and if any one attacks him they get attacked by the spears of Gungnir basic counter referencing the fate of Mukuro. Number 4: Landmine acts like snakes and a reference for mono’s tenacity for explosions. Number 5: Monokuma Drives a tank acting like foxes old final smash with the land master though 3 times less likely to happen as the other options reference to please insert coin. Number 6: Monokuma Raises into the air before turning into a crane holding a random tetris block where you can move left and right for 1 second before the crane drops the block doing tons of damage if it hits a foe before the crane raises into the air where monokuma takes its place reference to please insert coin. Number 7: Monokuma blows up instantly killing him but does tons of damage and knockback to any opponents nearby.
Final Smash: Ultimate Despair
There are 2 ways i see this final smash so i’ll say the one i perfer then i’ll say the one thats actually likely. The move starts with a chain either way and if any one gets hit by the chain they’ll be dragged off stage before the cinematic starts. The first option has it personallized to the characters. Not like what brawlfan1 suggested but rather each character in a category. The space characters get sent into space with the rocket before exploding, The villains get killed by the hero, vice versa for the protagonists, the princesses get killed by a dummy version of the hero and so on. The second option is junkos punishment having all of the punishments from the first game happen before finishing with the final blow of the white board. Either way it's a guaranteed stock loss.
Cosmetics
Costumes
Base Of Black And White
Pink and white (monokub and Monomi)
Black and black (Kurokuma)
White and White (Monomi true form)
White and white with red details (Leons punishment)
Orange with black stripes (Mondos punishment)
Red with orange details (Celestes punishment)
Black with brown details (Detention)
Stage intro
A giant pedestal appears where Monokuma jumps from behind it
Taunts
Monokuma guzzling some honey
Monokuma Standing over a pile of money
Monokuma Swinging around a glass of wine
Visual gimmick when Monokuma wins it shows the character who lost portrait with a giant x over it instead of them clapping
Also if Monokuma loses it shows him wearing glasses
Victory Animations
Nothing appears on screen before a stomp happens where the camera pans up to see a giant Monokuma wearing a crown (Big Bang Monokuma)
Monokuma Grabs the camera before swallowing it causing static to appear (What you get when you win)
Junko appears laughing maniacally

TW: period
Hey yall! I hope yall are doing so well.
So I’m going to try really hard to keep this short and try not to make it confusing. I ended a friendship with another witch which was very painful for both of us. I noticed after the friendship ended that a lot of really weird things started happening , like I lost my job, totaled one of my cars and another one just stopped working along with a few other things. I thought nothing of it but just in case I did a banishing spell. It worked for a bit, and then I noticed some more things were happening like my partner losing his job.
The week before my period (like 7 days ago) and I’ve been very depressed like beyond the normal level with pmdd. it’s just been really hard af home the last 3 weeks. There’s been money issues, happiness issues and my house herself was so sad. I figured that my ex friend had sent out a spell. I did start my period yesterday but was still very very sad. I was at my wits end. Last night I did a freezer spell because why not. It couldn’t hurt right? But today I feel so much better. My best friend that lives with me also feels better. My house is happier. I’m wondering if there was a connection between the freezer spell and feeling better or if it was just the period coming that made me feel better instead.

We got “chotu” on 7th November 2019. He was the most affectionate and loving cat there was. He was a brownish grey Tabby Cat, would cuddle with me and sleep next to me every single night. Every morning I got up and saw his beautiful face. I would talk to him about all things and we would sit and watch birds. He loved going out for walks with me. He was my most special companion, he would always hold my hand at night and purr. He would just look at me with the kindest eyes, the purest form of love that I have known. I loved him more than anything in the world and still do. We lost him on 8th May 2024, just a few days after we moved to Abu Dhabi. He stopped eating for a few days, wasn’t well so we took him to the vet. He never came home. Due to incorrect administration of IV fluids, he got fluid filled up in his lungs after which he collapsed. I cried and begged the vet to save him but all they cared about was how much money they could make from this. I tried getting him the best help possible but we still lost him due to the vet’s carelessness. The vet gave us a million reasons this could have happened as they did not want to agree it was their fault. One time she said he probably had cancer, the other time she said his kidneys had some underlying issues, another time it was some sort of poisoning. Whatever the reason may be, I lost him. I remember the last time I saw him in the hospital, the last time I held his hand, he was in so much pain and I prayed to god if I could trade places with him. It has been 14 days now, every second of the past 14 days I have yearned for him. I wish I could get him back, even if it’s for just another moment. I have stopped sleeping on our side of the bed, because it hurts that he is not next to me. I haven’t known pain like this. I wish wherever he is now, he is in a good place. I wish that I get to be with him in heaven. He was the bestest boy there was. And he will always be a part of my heart. My soulmate !

I have been w my husband for 24 years. Since I’m a teenager. He is well liked and comes off so nice in front of others. We have three children. My life has always been drama with him. But from the outside noone would know. When I was pregnant with my second child. I found out he was speaking w another woman And brought my other child out w this woman and then lied and denied it when my daughter told me. He obviously denied a physical affair but I was 9 months pregnant and just wanted to get thru my pregnancy. I tried to forgive him but he never really had remorse. When I became pregnant years later. I had a miscarriage. I called him in a panic to come stay home w the kids. He said oh well I am At a family party and hung up. I miscarried alone in the bathroom while my Six year old took care of the little ones. I still didn’t leave and years later I caught him on text w a co worker making a comment to wear somthing cute to work tommorow. I lost it and told him to leave. He said I made a big deal over nothing. During this time I found out I was pregnant again. I couldn’t deal so I looked into other options. I was devasted and went to a dr for an abortion. The dr made me feel violated during the exam. I was so ashamed and opted for the abortion pill so I didn’t have to go back to him. I told my husband what happened and he laughed and said could you blame him. He offered to take care of kids while I took abortion pill at home and promised to be better and be their for me and to please trust him as he was filled with regret and wanted his family back . Of course when I took the first pill he dissapeared and I could not contact him at all leaving me in an even worse position. I finally got in contact w him and he said oh somthing came up and basically put me in a situation where I needed to have a surgery . He claimed a job came up. I was finally was done. He has for years been claiming he wants to work it out and will apologize so I set some boundaries to see if he could agree to them. For example letting me know if he was going to be gone for hours or days at a time or being their in an emergency. He couldn’t stick to any of them so I never took him back. There is so much more that has happened in my marriage that was bad but this is what broke me down the most because this person doesn’t care about my kids or my well being . I was raised to stay married and be traditional but I couldn’t take it anymore. He tells me constantly how I should move on and how I’m a baby because I resent him and don’t forgive him. This doesn’t include all the other selfish things he has done but this to me is unforgivable. AITA for not forgiving and forgetting and wanting to break up my family. It’s just tooo painful