Carmen from money talks

I've been dating my fiancé for four years, and until now, our relationship has been going great. But we went to a school reunion of mine, and he overheard some of my friends teasing me about being useless. He acted a little oddly the rest of the night. I thought it was just awkwardness from being around a bunch of my friends he didn't know, so I left early.
We pulled over to get drinks on the way back, and when I brought them back to the car, he was pretty upset. He had looked through my journal (he's allowed), and seemed disgusted with what I was like as a teen. I laughed it off at first, bit when he was serious, we started to fight.
He ended up bringing up my family (generally a subject we don't touch) to call me spoiled and concieted. I said he was being insane and that my life was more put together than his, so high school doesn't matter. And he's no one to talk - he had to repeat his senior year. Which isn't as bad, but still, plexiglass houses.
Don't get me wrong - I was an absolute waste in high school. I literally almost never attended classes, barely if ever wore the uniform, and definitely would have been expelled if that wouldn't have cost the school money. I gambled a bit, too, and drank responsibly on the weekends. But I had my excuses - definitely not good ones, but excuses nonetheless. I wasn't a delinquent or anything, I just... treated the dorms like an apartment complex I happened to live in. 😅 I was actually really well liked (because, hey, I had nothing better to do than help out), and my best friend ended up valedictorian.
But I don't see any reason that would be a problem now. I was a lazy, aggrieved teen going through some stuff for four years more than a decade ago. I've been a rancher for twice that! I don't think it suggests that I'm going to break under pressure or not be able to take care of others, because my whole job is taking care of birds and livestock in bad situations. My fiancé has said that he was first attracted to me because of how responsible and attentive I am towards them.
Now, should I have told him sooner? Probably, yeah. But I don't know anything about what he was like in high school either, and I didn't want to come off as whiny or bring up something I'm ashamed of. I genuinely didn't think it would matter to him. And I can't help but be offended that it is.

My partner of 14 years is a drug addict, he’s always seemed to or what I feel use me to be his savior, he’s serious anger & jealousy problems also, for the last year, i haven’t been myself what so ever, I’ve had a nervous breakdown, around a year and a half ago, following years of his lies, stealing from my family my dad, my grandma, he’s taken mine and the kids Christmas money, pawned out ten year old sons phone and watched us search the house for it, he goes through my bank account and has taken money out my account for drugs many a time, in became friends with a guy and a few times he’s lent me money and I’ve paid him back nothing massive just small amounts here and there, when my partner went on my bank and seen this he has went ballistic and has called me a whore, a cunt a slut, he’s told me he’s going to hurt this guy, he’s went through all my social media accounts, and wanted to go through my phone yesterday to see if I had spoken to him. Last summer before I was even friends with this guy he kicked me and our children out of our home, around four times all relating to his drug addictions and his stealing etc. So last night after I went to talk to him and he told me to fuck of and called me a cunt, I was in bed and he wanted to talk I told him I was too tired and I said I would speak to him tommorow, he then was calling me a whore and saying I was full of diseases and I asked him many a time to be quiet and I ended up getting up and losing it because I’m tired of him calling me horrible names infront of our children, he said I scratched him and he pushed me a couple of times (this has happened before) he tells me that if I showed him more affection his drug addiction wouldn’t be so bad and that he’s been begging for months for affection from me, I guess I have grown complete numb to the pain I’ve carried for so long regarding this relationship, and I feel as though I have to be always his saviour, I have been trying for a while now working with women’s aid to get me and the children rehoused because it’s becoming too much, he’s still using drugs, but unfortunately I fell he blames me for everything, and if I ever being up anything that hurts me that’s happened in the past, and he’s apologized for needs to be left there, I will never be happy in this relationship aslong as he is still using drugs, he cannot fathom any of this, my poor dad also said he caught him sneaking into his house one night to take his bank card of that which he still denies. Can anyone help me here because this guy blames me for so much and I’m so depressed with it all, my life has been a living hell for so long

Hi all, I lived in Delhi and had shifted from Kalkaji to Malviya Nagar in December. Found the flatmate via flat and flatmate group on facebook. It’s a 2bhk and total rent is 34k. Before shifting, like any sane person, I visited the flat and sat down and got to know the other tenant is subletting and the owner doesn’t give one fuck about who shifts there, just needs rent. I sat down and spoke to her for 1.5 hours just to see who I’m going to be living with for the next 5-6 months as I didn’t plan on staying for long, will be shifting cities.
She lost her mother in December end(she is youngest of 4 children and is 31 years old). I had a lot of empathy for her as it’s a huge tragedy for any human to lose their mother. I Used to take all responsibility in the house, used to do all the work, pay all the bills so she could grieve in peace and not worry about these trivial things, used to keep checking on her regularly.
Her coping mechanism on the other hand was to bring dates to the flat - unannounced. Not judging, but a little heads up would be good as I’m a woman living in an independent flat, mostly wearing clothes which I wouldn’t wear in front of strange men. And she would never interact with me, even for coordinating the basis like maid, bills, security and utilities. Even if I would try to initiate the conversation she’d dodge and say let’s talk tomorrow.
Cut to April, I was in my hometown for whole months, on 25 April she texts the landlord is increasing rent by 20%. I felt something fishy because rent is usually increased by 10% with at least one month of notice. I told her 20k is too much for a room which is size of storeroom which no furniture, not even an AC. I only shifted here because it’s closer to my office and I didn’t plan on staying for long either. But I can’t spend 20k out of my 50k salary on the room. So I’ll probably shift.
When I reached at the flat a week later, I find out she’s kept some stuff in my room, dirty clothes on my laundry back including dirty underwear. Treated my room like a storeroom/dumpyard. When I expressed my disgust by merely asking ‘what is this’, she started getting aggressive and started verbally abusing me. Calling me ‘weird asshole’ because I came unannounced. She was physically violent and tried to attack me. Her reaction was that of a 5 year old, totally unhinged. Next day I packed my stuff and decided to leave the flat as it was already 30th. I told her to keep the security money and paid all the left Splitwise balance. Yet she said I have to pay rent for May and she will return my security at May end. I asked what’s the point when you are already keeping the security money. She had no answer kept asking for rent. Started harassing me verbally again. She was literally in my face trying to intimidate me.
Now I had rented a washing machine, we split the monthly rent for it. But it’s kept in her balcony and the access is through her room. It was supposed to be picked on the same day,but after abusing me she went to her room and didn’t let the machine get picked. I left for my hometown, my cab was waiting. The neighbours in building also mentioned she’s done this before with other tenants, withheld their AC. Owner is also aware of her behaviour but refuses to meddle.
Now she Kept texting me she will let it get picked at end of May as she is vacating the flat. I’ve scheduled the pick up for 25, but she wouldn’t let it happen. I’m anticipating she won’t return it and I’m thinking of filing a police complaint. Help me out guys, if I don’t return it I will have to pay 21k to Rentomojo.
What can I do in this situation? I still have keys to the flat FYI.
TLDR- unhinged flatmate, got verbally abusive, harassed me for money, when I decided to shift. I have shifted from there but she won’t let me return the rental washing machine kept in her balcony, machine is registered in my name. She’s vacating flat at month end, owner doesn’t care.

Hey everyone, I've never had a strong reaction as allergy to the sun. I usually just get a sunburn and that's it... I got strong sun on friday and had some stuff come up on my arms, then went for canooing on sunday (completely drenched in spf50 and completely covered) - but since then my underarms and chin just keeps on getting worse. Sunday it wasn't even my lips but since yesterday nearly all of my lips are plastered with tiny blisters or hives. The first 3 pictures are from this morning, 4+5 fron yesterday.
I'm taking loratadine in the morning, using normal creme to keep hydrated and using spf on top. However I feel like my usual lipbalm is just worsening my lip condition. At night my arms were so itchy I woke up several times.
Just got benzedrine bc some ppl in another sub said it helped them relieve the itch but it didn't do anything, so I just washed it down and remoisturized my skin. I'm traveling until 31/05 so I don't think I can go to a doc without paying insane ampunts of money but I haven't found a post in this sub talking specifically about face or lips.
I'm not sure if I'm doing anything to worsen the situation as some red spots that look more like the common picture people have posted here "is this sun allergy?" have started appearing in areas that weren't directly exposed to sunlight.
Thanks so much in advance everyone!!! The itchiness and open cracked lips are driving me crazy!

Throwaway because I have family that uses reddit.
For the context, my older brother Callum abused me, my sister Mary and my mum. My oldest brother Alex did everything he could to help me, Mary and mum but he worked so he wasn't there all the time. The abuse was physical, mental and financial. The important part of this is that if it wasn't nailed down, he would sell it. All of the toys and books me and my sister had would be sold if he could get enough for it to buy a chololate bar. This lead to the four of us being estranged from Callum since he turned 18 which was 10+ years ago.
My grandmother always showed Callum was her favourite grandkid, because she didn't believe the abuse for a long time and thought everyone was hard on Callum. Callum always took advatage of this and grandma eventually understood what was happening, when he refused to see her in the hospital in 2019. This was not long after she changed her will to say that all of her grandkids get the same amount of money when she passes. That includes Callum. However, she left a note with her solicitors which said that if her son (my uncle) died before her, she wants Callum to get nothing, leaving almost everything to my mum. This note was left after she got out of he hospital
My grandma is very unwell now and Callum hasn't been to see her since before her 2019 hospitalisation. She is on end of life care and will probably not survive the next 2 months. As a result, everyone is making preperations for when she dies. That's how we found out about the contents of her will, as well as the note left.
My mum, Mary and my uncle all believe that the note grandma left was an indication that she didn't want to include Callum in the will anymore and don't want to give him the money that grandma will leave him. Alex doesn't care if Callum gets it or not but is insisting that if Callum gets it, only him and my uncle would meet with Callum for safety.
I am not going to lie, I hate Callum with everything in my being but I feel like this isn't about him or how any of us feel about him. I think that my grandma wanted him to have the same as us, otherwise she would have changed it. I am willing to contact Callum myself so my grandma can get, what I believe, is her final wish. When I told my family this, they all called me an asshole for potentially letting Callum back in our lives.
After talking to people outside the family, I have had a lot of different oppinions. Most of them have been that it's better to not open the can of worms that comes from contacting Callum or that Callum has probably stolen the same value from us, if not more, so it's fair. Now I do feel like an asshole for being so insistant.
So Reddit, WIBTA for ensuring my abusive brother inherits money from my grandma?

Okay fellow humans, I’m kind of at a crossroads here and I need some advice… So lately some stuff went down with my roommate and her boyfriend and on a night of drinking she showed me and my boyfriend the screenshots of the conversations between her boyfriend and another female(s). I saw some things like “you get me soaked” and him calling her baby which honestly made my red flag radar start going off. I didn’t really pay attention to the time stamps or when the conversation happened but all I know is that if you’re in a relationship you shouldn’t be talking to other people like that, and I told my roommate those exact words. She also went to my boyfriend to talk about it as well and I’m pretty sure he told her the same thing. After that we continued having a good time together and went on with the night having fun as a little family. The next day (Mothers Day) my boyfriend and I were leaving to go see our beloved mamas, as I was walking out the door my roommates boyfriend stopped me to talk to me about last night. He looked at me and started with “First I want to clarify that those screenshots she showed you were old and happened before we started dating, she likes to show stuff like that when she’s drunk.” I was honestly speechless… the questions running through my head in that moment were “why are you trying to justify yourself with me right now?” And “If you already talked about it before with her why are you trying to talk to me?” Of course I didn’t ask those out loud but I just kind of gave him a glare, and I said “alright man” and walked out the door, mind you when he told me that his body language was off and fidgety AND she has never even showed us stuff like that before the previous times we got drunk together. When my roommate and her boyfriend talked about the screenshots… he said he was doing it for “money” because they were in a tight spot, at the time both of them were unemployed. But I smelt total bullshit with that excuse. There’s other ways to get money in a more honest way, I know getting hired and finding a new job is hard but talking to other women who aren’t even sugar mama age is a little sketchy to me, don’t you think? My boyfriend and I honestly were getting restless about the whole situation because we had a strong feeling he was lying right to her and our face. Later we came back home from the domains of our lovely mothers, I didn’t really want to talk to my roommates boyfriend so I went straight upstairs to take a shower while my boyfriend conversed with them downstairs. From what my boyfriend explained to me, he talked to them about the situation and they were allegedly on good terms and roommates boyfriend deleted/blocked all the girls he was talking to, he even let my boyfriend look through his phone to show proof. But there was more evidence of one more girl in his phone that wasn’t deleted, a girl under the name “Fggt😁😁” my boyfriend found a text from him to her saying “Be mine😍😍😍😍” HOW ARE YOU GOING TO TELL YOUR GIRL YOU BLOCKED EVERYONE AND STILL HAVE ONE LEFT?! The date of the text was from April 15, 2023… My roommate and her boyfriend have been together for the past 3 years… ummmm RED FLAG. My boyfriend didn’t say anything about what he found and handed the phone back. Later that week my boyfriend and I planned on talking to my roommate alone when her boyfriend was at work, and that’s what we did. About two or three days ago we pulled her outside to express our concerns, my boyfriend and I have both been in relationships with shitty people so we know how it feels to be cheated on so it was with good intentions and we were just trying to look out for her. My boyfriend told her to just keep an eye out and proceed with caution. I’m a very straightforward person with my feelings so I told her something similar but I also told her that I don’t really trust him anymore and that he might keep this behavior up and get sloppy about it in the future.. When we came back inside we again clarified that we are watching out for her and we are on her side. We also told her that if shit hits the fan with her relationship, we will be on her side 100% she was willing to listen to us and respected our opinion which we were grateful for. But then yesterday or maybe the day before I’m not too sure cause my perception of time sucks, me, my boyfriend, our best friend, and my roommates little brother were all having a good time drawing really stupid pictures of each other on the fridge, as a JOKE. Then my roommate and her boyfriend came downstairs and the vibe in the room totally shifted to complete tension, her boyfriend was visibly upset or irritated, standing in the corner with his arms crossed and just glaring at us (me, bf, best friend). We looked at him and tried showing him the drawing of him to get a laugh out of him but he was just stone face and not happy at all. We tried asking him what’s wrong but all we got was the silent treatment, which we didn’t really care. But he was being salty which ruined the vibe in the room so my boyfriend and I just went upstairs cause we didn’t want to be around a sourpuss. We didn’t know why he was upset, but my boyfriend and I assumed that our roommate told him about what we said to her and now he’s mad about it. Was it wrong to express or worry to her? Are we the as*holes for not wanting our friend to get hurt? I need some advice. What do ya’ll think about this??

I (42F) have a rocky relationship with my adopted son (18M). From here on I'll call him Blake. I adopted him when he was about four or five through unusual means. I won't get into that just now, but essentially I convinced his mother to sign him over to me because they were poor and I could provide better education for their bright little boy.
I am not poor by any means and had more than enough money to take him off their hands. This is where the trouble with him started. He didn't want to leave his biological parents, but the paperwork was signed and I had an important meeting the next day, so I took him with me immediately. He's never forgiven me for that, and I'm surprised he remembers it at all because he was so little.
Speaking of things he remembered when he was so little, I had to put a lot of work into making him forget his original name. I wanted him to sound more normal, and his original name was some kind of tribal word that I have long since forgotten, but I do know it meant something like "black bird" or something. I also made him forget his surname but this took a lot of time as well as he would scrawl it everywhere he could. I don't think he understands that he needed to forget those things so he could focus on becoming a productive member of society.
I cut Blake's hair short, which is something he always fought about. I used to have to discipline him a lot because he would fight doing basic tasks or would speak in nonsense words which I strictly forbade. I think he would do it just to irritate me because he knew I hated it when he would speak in nonsense words when playing with his toys. He would insist it wasn't nonsense but I wasn't having it. He was an incredibly manipulative child and lied like this often. I had to pull teeth to get him to refer to me as Mom and he always did so incredibly reluctantly.
I had to constantly remind him that his choices have consequences, like how eating a lot of food would make him fat and eating a lot of sugar would make him diabetic since he's already halfway there by virtue of being native american. In the present day Blake claims I gave him an eating disorder, but I don't see how he could have an eating disorder by not being fat or diabetic. He's also decently muscular because he works out a lot, so he's obviously lying about this to try to make me feel bad. With all this background aside, the incident I'm asking about happened quite recently.
He was showing some interest in tattooing as a career choice, but suddenly stopped, which at the time I was relieved about until I discovered the reason.
I found out that he got back into contact with his birth family behind my back in the last few months, and has been talking to them regularly. He left his phone behind and forgot to lock it, so I got curious and went through his messages. Not only had he been talking to these people, but apparently he plans to move back to Arizona to be with them?! I confronted him about it, because how could he abandon all the work I've done to get him a good education and essentially a free ride into college? And he coldly told me that I am not his mother, that I never saw him as a real person and that I only took him in to soothe my "white guilt" by saving him from what "I perceived as" poverty.
This is obviously ridiculous and another example of him being incredibly manipulative, but now he's learned woke verbiage to do it with. I never should have let him hang out with kids who were woke, so that is fully my fault.
I told him "Blake, you're being stupid. How do you even know who these people are? How can you know they're your family?" All he said in reply to that is "My name is not Blake, it's [Black Bird]."
We fought for some time while he packed up his things and left. He only had a few bags worth of things, so it only took about ten minutes or so for that part. Now he won't answer my calls or texts and the police won't help because he's legally an adult.
I don't think I'm TA for giving him a chance at living a normal life, how can I make him under that he is acting foolish? I'm at a loss of what to do.

[Part 1]
Day 3
I woke the next morning from the sunshine in my eyes. My head was resting ever so slightly on Eli's arm as we had both fallen asleep on my bed after I begged him to stay. I blanched in horror at the drool stain I had left on the arm of his white t-shirt.
I began to slowly move myself and retreat downstairs as the memories of the night before came flooding back. How I had broken, screaming in terror, and how Eli had saved me, not knowing the true reason he found me curled up on the floor crying.
As I stepped off the bed, my leg got snagged in the frilly bed cover, and I went crashing to the ground, making quite the noise as I landed. With a yawn, Eli's eyes opened, and I felt myself blushing as he turned to look at me.
We both kind of stared at each other for a moment, not speaking. Eli opened his mouth, then closed it again as if unsure of what to say.
"Coffee?" I asked quickly, filling the awkwardness of our situation.
"Please," Eli said, smiling.
In minutes, I had a pot brewing as I leaned against the kitchen counter. Eli was picking up the scattered photographs from the floor and looking at them quizzically.
"Why do you have pictures of the Harmons?" Eli asked, showing me the photos of the yellow-haired man and his family.
"Is that their names? I found them out in the barn under a blanket," I answered as I rooted around the cupboards for two mugs.
"In the barn? I cleaned it out just last week. No way I would have missed this trunk," Eli said while examining the wooden trunk with its simple rustic hinges. It was plain and unadorned with any embellishments. Basic as basic could be.
"Well, you must have missed it because it was there," I said, putting emphasis on the "was" in a way that reminded me of my mother chastising my father.
"That's so weird," he said, shifting through the photos while sitting at the table. I brought him a cup of coffee and sugar, and he began absentmindedly adding a lot of sugar to his coffee. About six scoops later, he began stirring and sipping it.
"Well, anyways, thanks for coming last night. I wasn't myself, I hope you know that I'm not some damsel in distress," I said quickly, like word vomit, and I even chuckled at the end, feeling like a total weirdo.
"What happened anyway? You didn't say last night," he said, putting the photos down in a jumble on the table.
I paused for a moment, considering how to answer. As I sipped my coffee, I stared out into the yard beside the barn where the scarecrow stood, glancing around the edge of the barn, hanging limply in his hole. His appearance once again sad and dejected instead of murderous and terrifying.
"I was just scared, I had a nightmare, and it just scared me," I said dumbly, trying not to turn crimson again under his intense gaze.
His eyes seemed to cut right through my lie, as if he were staring directly into my being before he simply glanced away out the window. We fell silent again, and I filled some moments by sipping my drink. It seemed to revitalize me; the sun and the company made me feel secure.
"Why were you here anyways?" I asked after a moment.
"I heard screaming, so I came running. I live just on the other side of the grass there, behind the barn," Eli said, pointing to the barn out the window.
"Must be really close, I didn't see any houses on the way in," I said, prying deeper into the situation.
"It's actually a trailer, maybe like two hundred yards from here. I was outside getting some air when I heard you scream. So, I came running," Eli said, finishing his cup of coffee and placing it in between us like a barrier, as if he was hiding something.
"Could you, uh, not do that?" Eli asked, with an uncertain grin on his face.
"What am I doing exactly?" I asked, startled for a moment, my stomach doing a sort of flip.
"It's just that you like stare at people. You've been staring at me for like my whole cup of coffee, I don't think you blinked the whole time," Eli said, averting his eyes shyly.
"No, I don't," I said until I realized he was right. I never noticed that about myself.
"Right, well, I've got to go. I am probably going to start painting today, so you might see me in a bit," Eli said, rising and heading to the door.
"Wait," I said, grabbing his arm for only a moment before releasing it like it was scalding hot.
Eli glanced at my hand for a moment, then at his arm, before he, too, blushed crimson.
"I just wanted to say thank you again. For last night, I mean. Well, what I mean is I appreciate it," I said, my eyes downcast in, for some reason, shame. Like he had seen me at my weakest and it weighed on my gaze appropriately.
"It was nothing, besides I didn't get much sleep with your constant snoring," Eli said, laughing at me.
"I so don't snore," I said, swatting at him but unable to control a smile creeping up onto my face.
After Eli left, I felt instantly colder, my eyes kept returning to the scarecrow. I grabbed my camera from upstairs and went out to the yard. I scanned the dirt for anything out of the ordinary. There was no blood, or anything on the dirt where the scarecrow stood just last night. I slowly made my way to the scarecrow, but nothing happened. I snapped a photo of the inanimate object, and it didn't even flinch. I poked it, but all I felt was straw underneath its clothes. I removed its mask, expecting a severed head, but it was just straw. Nothing was here but straw. I dropped the mask on the ground and took another photo proving it was just straw and nothing else.
An idea struck me as I regarded the source of my torment. If I planned to stay even one more night here, I needed to do something about this scarecrow. I rooted around in the barn, a series of tools hung from nails in the wall. On one hung what I was searching for. An old rusted shovel with a dirty wooden handle that was worn smooth from use.
I returned to the side of the barn beside the scarecrow, knowing for whatever reason this thing only came when night fell and didn't react at all when I moved or touched it during the day.
Before my morning coffee had even settled, I began to dig at the dusty earth, loose and easy to dig, it came away in shovelfuls. Within an hour, I had a fair-sized hole in front of me. Sweat dripped from my brow, and when I wiped under my eyes, they came away black from last night's makeup. Glancing at the field of grass and knowing Eli could appear at any time, I decided to head inside and shower. The hot water was a godsend, and I lingered for longer, letting the water drain down my head and back, my eyes closed, trying to forget the images from the last two nights. I should just pack up my car and leave right this minute. But how could I explain this to my family? I decided to go through with my plan and bury the scarecrow. I could last one more night if I prepared for it.
I left the shower and dressed modestly, in another one of my old rock t-shirts and a pair of shorts. I returned to the yard and with a satisfying push, I dropped the scarecrow into the pit. It fell with a nice thud, and I smiled at my power over it in the day; it's just at night when I should fear it.
As I threw the first shovel of dirt back on top, I heard a noise in the grass, and it parted, revealing Eli wearing the same pair of jeans and work boots, but he had changed his shirt to a plain black one. In each hand, he held cans of paint and a brush.
"Should I even ask why you are burying that old scarecrow?" He asked as he came to stand beside me.
"Probably best if you didn't," I admitted, leaning on the shovel.
"Well, I'm going to anyway. Polly, why are you burying that old scarecrow?" He asked, a rare smile coming to his face.
"Because it's been haunting me at night," I said bluntly.
"Mhm, yeah, okay. Fine, don't tell me. I've been meaning to get rid of it anyway, but normal people take things to the landfill," Eli said with a smirk as he turned to the house and began setting up for his painting.
I finished burying the scarecrow and stomped the dirt down flat. I finished my job by moving my car and parking it directly over top of the spot where I buried it.
Eli watched me curiously but didn't remark. I returned the shovel to the barn and went out into the yard. I decided to go for a hike around the property. I needed some time alone to think and unwind.
As I made my way through the grass, it began to confuse me. This had obviously been a large farmland, but how had the wild plants grown in such a thick, endless maze of greenery?
It gave me an eerie feeling, like I was being watched as the grass covered three-quarters of my body, like there would be something lurking out in the grass, crouched low, waiting for me.
After a half-hour or so, I came upon a clear lake, only big enough to be considered an old swimming hole, I thought as I dipped my hand into the cool water.
I took off my outer clothes and decided to go for a swim. I lowered myself in slowly and reveled at the cool water. The pond wasn't deep, but the water was clean. A small rope swing had been hung from a large oak tree that bordered the pond. It also provided a nice layer of shade that made it the ideal spot to spend the day. I floated on my back in the water for what seemed like hours. The day seemed to slip away from me. A small beach of sand sat at one side of the pond, so I lay out in the sun and closed my eyes. The warm day warmed my soul, and soon I felt myself drifting off into sleep.
I awoke to the sound of crickets and darkness. I couldn't believe it. I had slept through the day; the long nights had finally caught up to me, and now I was stuck far away from the farmhouse. I didn't know if my plan with the scarecrow had worked, and this wasn't the place to test my theory.
A full moon lay overhead, casting a silvery glow on the world before me. A sea of grass swayed gently in the wind, sending shivers down it in shuddering waves. I looked around, but I was thankfully alone, just the crickets chirping along melodically as my only companions.
I had to make it back to the house, so I started on my way, my hands trailing along the tall grass. The pale light played easily on the deep green grass. Step by step, I made my way back towards the farmhouse and the barn, throwing caution to the wind, and I started to jog along, anything to get back faster. I would have to find Eli; maybe if we were together, he could stop it like before.
If I thought the field was creepy during the day, by night, it was a whole new world. Every sound made my heart stop for a beat before restarting in protest. When all of a sudden, the crickets stopped chirping. I dropped to my knees, letting the long grass cover me from sight. Through the strands, I could make out a shape moving slowly through the tall grass, the swish of the plants as it made its passage through them. My heart dropped. Was this Eli looking for me, or was it the scarecrow come for me?
That's when I heard a voice, a voice cutting through the silence. It started off quiet and raspy as it sang an eerie children's song.
"Did you, did you, did you come for me?
Run and hide, don't you know that I seek
The world it claims that I be not clean
When I come, you'll see how filthy I can be.
Tonight, it is happening, tonight you'll see
Beneath the moon, my shadows they do creep.
In this world, at night I shall be free.
Tonight it's happening, tonight you'll see.
When I come, you had better flee, or else I'll come and give my filth to thee."
I was frozen to the spot. It hadn't found me, but it knew I was in the grass somewhere. Now, with each word, chewed up and spat out like it was unhappy with it, now it was accompanied by the whistle of something in the air and a slicing sound as it cut through the grass around me.
It finished another round of its song, but now it stood within feet of me, its blade whistling as it cut. I took a moment to ready myself, and as it raised its blade to cut through the grass I hid in, I dashed out of my hiding spot and slammed into it. But nothing resisted me; I fell through it like it was a ghost.
In a tangle of limbs, I landed hard on the ground and tried quickly rolling to my feet. The blade of its weapon pierced the earth beside me. Now I could see it was a two-handed scythe the scarecrow carried, but something was off, its hands were human. Pale milky skin like a newborn baby. I had little time to examine the creature except for the canvas bag over its head. Two large black eyes came out of the slits that leaked a dark red blood like tears.
It screeched loudly and swung its scythe, but it was slow, and I took off through the grass in the direction of what I hoped was the farmhouse.
I completely gave up all pretense of hiding and sprinted as fast as I could without looking back. The grass seemed to part for me as I ran in terror. I was just glad that in high school, I had taken track as it was paying off now.
I could hear the noise of footsteps behind me, but I never turned. I ran and ran until my lungs felt like they were going to burst Something silver flashed to my left, and I tripped over something hard and unexpected. The wind was driven from my lungs as my chin slammed hard into the earth. I scrambled back, trying to escape, but the scarecrow was on me, its blade flashing angrily in the pale moonlight.
I wanted to move, I wanted to fight, but my body was weak and unable to catch its breath, and I lay there helpless as it swung its scythe towards me. I closed my eyes in fear, but I only heard the thud of dirt before I opened my eyes. The scythe was discarded, and the scarecrow stood staring at me.
It seemed to be struggling with something, one hand reached out towards me only to be snapped back to its side. A roar of rage pierced the canvas sack over its head as it struggled against its invisible bonds. For a moment, I thought I saw something behind it, three sets of hands holding it back. One feminine in nature, and the other two must have belonged to children. In a flash, I saw a beautiful woman who looked vaguely familiar with her long brown hair and plain dress.
"Run," she moaned as the scarecrow swung around wildly.
I didn't hesitate and fled, my breath had returned, and while my body still ached from my fall, I powered on, knowing this was the only respite I would receive tonight.
In the distance, I could see a small sheet metal shape; Eli's trailer was slowly coming closer as I ran, and I beelined it for the trailer. I could hear the footsteps behind me again as the scarecrow resumed its chase after me.
I reached the old trailer and banged on the door as loud as I could; I rattled the handle, but it was locked.
"Eli, it's me. It's Polly, please let me in. Please," I begged as I banged over and over again on the door of his trailer.
Nothing responded to me, and the trailer was dark. The single window in the back held no life inside the trailer. From the trailer, I couldn't tell which direction the farmhouse was in the dark, so I fled into the tall grass and crouched low, watching the clearing around the trailer.
While I caught my breath, I watched the scarecrow enter the clearing, its scythe back in its hand as it circled the trailer. When its raspy voice began singing again low and quiet, only loud enough for me to hear.
"Did you, did you, did you come for me?
Run and hide, don't you know that I seek
The world it claims that I be not clean
When I come, you'll see how filthy I can be.
Tonight, it is happening, tonight you'll see
Beneath the moon, my shadows they do creep.
In this world, at night, I shall be free.
Tonight it's happening, tonight you'll see.
When I come, you had better flee, or else I'll come and give my filth to thee."
The song made me shiver uncontrollably at the lyrics and the voice; it sounded demented like a crazy person letting their demons out into a nursery rhyme.
I lay perfectly still; for some reason, it couldn't find me. This creature I assumed was all-knowing seemed to have some very human weaknesses. It moved and talked like a human, even had certain body parts that were from a human; it even felt human the way it chased and reacted.
The scarecrow moved on through the tall grass, and I let out a sigh of relief as it lost my trail. How terrifying that beast was. In my pocket was the keys to my car. Eli had told me that the farmhouse was fairly close to his trailer. I had to navigate to the car, then drive as fast as I can away from this place. The fact that I hadn't left already because I was worried about money was insane. Who cares, I could drive to Barb's and demand my money back. Go home and just tell my parents the truth. The whole reason for actually leaving home this summer, why I was actually here in this field shivering uncontrollably in fear. But I couldn't think about that now, not now, there will be time to deal with that later. Now I needed to focus on staying alive, getting to the car, and getting out of here.
I went in the direction the scarecrow had; he knew the land better than I did, and every noise I made in the silence of the night made my heart drop. It took all my courage there and then to take one step forward, then another. I felt like I was going to be sick; my stomach was in knots to where it felt like even if I was sick, the only thing to come out would be only bile and stomach acid.
With each careful step, I made my way closer to the farmhouse and the scarecrow. Through the darkness, I could see my goal, the farmhouse, and the barn. Within minutes, I had made it securely to the farmhouse yard.
My car still sat in the same spot overtop of the hole where I buried the scarecrow. In the moonlight, I could see that the dirt had not been disturbed.
The scarecrow was nowhere to be seen, and I cautiously made my way to my car, my keys in my hand as I approached the driver's door. I hadn't locked the car, and it opened on the first try. I turned on my car as quietly as I could, but nothing could have prepared me for what happened next.
Something landed heavily on top of the roof of my car, making it dent inwards slightly. With horror, I saw the scarecrow swing its scythe into the back window of my car. With a crash, the glass shattered inwards; I put my car into gear and roared away down the lane. In my rearview mirror, I couldn't see anything, so I swerved back and forth, trying to shake the creature from the roof of my car when the scythe crashed in through the front window, making a hole just large enough for it.
The glass spidered, and I couldn't see out the window very well. I swerved down the road, but the scythe remained in the car, allowing the creature purchase. In a panic, I spun my wheel wildly, trying to dislodge it, but I lost control, and soon felt something crash into the front of my car. The airbag went off in my face, and I hadn't been wearing my seatbelt. I slammed hard into something else, and my vision went dark. I was in a daze; I must have passed out because I don't remember a lot of what happened next. I felt the car door open with a crunching tear, and it landed loudly as it was torn off. My body being grabbed and tossed on the ground. I felt no pain, just a gentle numbness. I felt blood on my head as I raised my arm to touch my face.
Then just blackness, complete, and empty just feelings, fear, unease, sadness. My eyes opened, and the scarecrow was overtop of me. Pain on my chest and my vision went dark again. Coughing as something poured down my throat. I couldn't breathe, why couldn't I breathe?
My eyes opened one last time, and I saw the scarecrow pouring a dark liquid from its mouth directly into my mouth and eyes. My vision was red and bloody before I closed them one last time.
The words of its song echoed into the emptiness of my thoughts.
"Did you, did you, did you come for me?
Run and hide, don't you know that I seek?
The world it claims that I be not clean.
When I come, you'll see how filthy I can be.
Tonight, it is happening, tonight you'll see,
Beneath the moon, my shadows they do creep.
In this world, at night, I shall be free.
Tonight it's happening, tonight you'll see.
When I come, you had better flee, or else I'll come and give my filth to thee."
The darkness enveloped me, and I felt myself slipping away, the sounds of the night fading into oblivion.
Day 4
When I awoke, it was morning, and I found myself lying in a hospital bed. My head throbbed with pain, and my body ached all over. The memories of the terrifying night flooded back to me, and I shuddered involuntarily.
A nurse entered the room, her kind eyes filled with concern. "You're awake," she said softly, her voice gentle like a soothing balm. "You're lucky to be alive. You were found unconscious by the side of the road next to your car. Do you remember what happened?"
I tried to speak, but my throat felt raw and dry. I croaked out a few words, barely audible. "The scarecrow... it attacked me..."
The nurse frowned, her brows furrowing in confusion. "Scarecrow? What scarecrow?"
My heart raced with panic as I realized the truth. Had it all been a nightmare? But the pain in my body felt too real, the memories too vivid to be mere hallucinations.
I tried to explain, to tell her about the terrifying creature that had pursued me through the night, but she only looked at me with concern, as if I were delusional.
"I'll get the doctor, and there is a young man who brought you in. He has been here all morning," the nurse said with a sly wink.
After a few minutes, she came back with Eli and a doctor, both of whom smiled gently at me through the window. The doctor came in first and went over my health with me. I had a concussion and bruises all over my body. A generous-sized cut from some glass on my scalp had been stitched and bandaged. My mind flashed back to the night before. How the scarecrow had filled me with its gooey red blood.
"Did you find anything else?" I asked cautiously, trying to avoid another scandal like with the nurse.
"No, as long as you have someone to pick you up and take you home, you are free to go. That nice young man out there said he would take you back home," the doctor said, pointing to Eli as he rose with a slight grunt.
I glanced at Eli, and he waved uncertainly at me. The doctor went out and began talking to Eli for a few minutes.
While I waited, my mind began to have strange thoughts. Something was wrong; I felt weird. My vision turned red, and I began to see images before my eyes.
The Harmons. They flashed before my eyes in real-time—the husband hugging his wife, then swinging his kids around, chopping wood outback next to the barn while his wife cooked in the kitchen.
As Eli entered the room, the visions stopped suddenly. Like my saving angel for the third time now, I was extremely grateful to Eli.
"Heyyyyy," Eli said, elongating the word in a sort of familiar yet awkward way.
"Hi," I said, closing my eyes and letting my embarrassment pass in only a few seconds.
"Why is it that fifty percent of the times we meet, you're in serious trouble?" Eli asked, coming to sit on the edge of my bed.
"Oh, you know me, bad luck, I guess," I said simply, becoming aware that under my blankets, I was in a backless hospital gown, and he was inches away from me.
I pulled the blanket up to my chin as a sort of cover for my appearance, but Eli didn't seem to notice. He continued talking to me. It was actually really sweet the way he seemed to care for me.
"Anyways, the doctor said I could take you back to the farmhouse to rest," Eli said.
"No," I said suddenly, becoming serious.
"What? Why not?" Eli asked.
"I just, I just can't right now. I'll tell you later. Just, we can't spend the night anywhere near the farm," I said, grabbing him by the arm, hoping to sway him.
"Well, I mean, if you want, we can grab your stuff, and my house can literally go anywhere," Eli said in an offhand manner, as if he had expected this.
"Promise?" I asked, trying not to seem too afraid.
Within the hour, we had returned to the farmhouse. The hole I dug was still covered over, and I stared at it as we parked in Eli's black pickup truck.
I ran inside and quickly got changed into my only clean clothes, grabbing everything I had from the farmhouse. I paused at the dinner table, looking down at the photographs of the Harmons and thinking back to that weird moment in the hospital with that odd vision.
The day was getting longer, and I hurried back to Eli, waiting in the pickup truck. I threw my bag in the back and climbed in beside him. He smiled and backtracked down the lane. We turned to the left and went down a side road where we came upon my poor old car. It had crashed directly into a tree, and the whole front part of the car had been destroyed. Fluid leaked all over the road, and I almost shed a tear for my departed friend. We had traveled far together. I grabbed a few things from the car, but something was off about the car. The front door had been knocked off and was discarded on the far side of the road. It looked impossible; the door hadn't even hit the tree.
Eli hooked his truck up to his trailer, and we sped off, leaving the property behind us. We headed into town and found a pullout on the side of the road with a set of bathrooms to camp at for the night. Eli's trailer was messy but cozy. He had laundry strewn over most surfaces, but it didn't smell bad.
The room consisted of a small kitchen with a bed in one corner. There were also a lot of posters and artwork on the walls. I examined one of a pretty girl with long raven-black hair. It was a realist painting, obviously taken from real life.
"Who is this?" I asked as Eli made us some food.
"That is just a friend," Eli said, glancing at the painting he had done.
"Well, she is a pretty friend," I said, enjoying watching the back of his ears turn bright red.
"Dinner's ready," he said, pouring the mixture of food he had made onto a pair of plates.
Eli served me and handed me a can of Coke to drink. I thanked him and sat on his bed. It was the only serviceable piece of furniture in the whole trailer. We both sat in silence for a moment while we ate. I could tell something was bothering Eli as he kept making glances toward me.
"What? What is it, Eli? Just say it," I said between bites.
"Tell me what happened, Polly. Tell me why you were burying the scarecrow, why you were passed out in the road with straw in your hair. Tell me why you were muttering about the Harmons and a scarecrow when I found you," Eli said suddenly, as if he were unloading a machine gun.
I looked Eli square in the face and relented. I told him about the last couple of nights at the farmhouse, about how the scarecrow had been tormenting me every night. About how he had saved me and how last night I had fled through the fields to his trailer and then to my car. I told him about the vision I had about the Harmons in the hospital. By the end of it, I was in tears. I felt so foolish and childish.
Eli took it in stride. He asked a few questions during my retelling, but by the end of it, he was silent. Tears fell down my face and landed in my lap. We had both put our plates on the counter, and Eli hugged me. He put his arms around me, and I nuzzled into his shoulder, feeling comforted again in him at the lowest points of my life.
With a gentle hand, he wiped away my tears, and I smiled, letting a nervous laugh escape my lips. I looked up into his face and felt his stare before I saw it. His pale blue eyes shone with comfort, and then his lips were on mine as he kissed me quickly before pulling away slightly.
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that. That was insensitive of me. You're sad, and I took advantage of that," Eli said, moving back slightly.
"Shut up," I said, and grabbed his shirt, bringing him back in.

My hypothesis is that Freud's patients, who were mainly wealthy women in arranged marriages, did not find their husbands attractive. Modern life backs this up: as soon as women began to have opportunity to break away from societal restrains surrounding sex, they virtually all display sexual hypergamy: this appears to be a biological fact, which was restrained by virtually every society. It is not a surprise that virtually every society independently came up with rules surrounding sex and curbed female sexual freedom to at least some degree: it must be that these societies recognized the biological sexual hypergamy and the threats it could pose to society. Since radical 4rth wave feminism was implemented in the modern West about a decade ago we have seen how Western civilization has suddenly began its demise. In about 10 years, 1000s of years of civilization have been undone.
Back to Freud's patients: again, they were upper class wealthy women in arranged marriages, and so by virtue of simple statistics, since there are only so many highly attractive men, the majority of these women did not find their husbands attractive, but could not openly talk about this due to societal restrains. This gap caused distress, which then manifested in hysteria. That is why when they were able to do talk therapy and get out their repressed thoughts, their physical symptoms of hysteria were reduced. In addition, it is pretty much a fact that women are much more sensitive to guilt (my hypothesis for this is: as the physically weaker sex, women are more dependent on society for survival, so are more sensitive to acting anti-social, which is what guilt helps stop) than men (and due to the societal restraints they likely felt ashamed for wanting better than their husbands), and so this likely also played a part in creating a disconnect so strong that it caused neurological symptoms.
EDIT:
I had no idea of the cases below when I made this hypothesis. My hypothesis was based on: a) most of his patients were upper class/wealthy women b) most had unexplained neurological/physical symptoms c) sexuality was at least partially a theme in most cases. I combined that with the observed sexual behavior of women I see today, as well as my observed theme of women being much more sensitive of guilt and shame compared to men. But I just skimmed the cases and found some support for my hypothesis:
There were 5 women with case studies. 1 of them (Anna O.) does not appear to fit the pattern of my hypothesis, but she was not mainly treated by Freud, rather, by Breuer. Though it appears that the whole "penis envy" thing largely stemmed from her case. In summary, she appeared to have resentment over her brother, because she was smart but was not given the same academic opportunities due to being a girl. However, I can't seem to find anything about her sexual life.
Number 2: Anna von Lieben (Cäcilie M.)
There seems to be reasonable support for my hypothesis in this case.
https://eprints.gla.ac.uk/291492/1/291492.pdf
According to the above, appears that at 19, shortly prior to marriage, she started to have symptoms, relating to either a sexual experience or fantasy, and she kept it inside and did not tell anyone the details (likely due to shame?).
https://www.costumecocktail.com/2017/03/06/anna-todesco-ca-1865/
According to the above, she was wealthy, and at age 21 married a very wealthy older man.
https://www.encyclopedia.com/psychology/dictionaries-thesauruses-pictures-and-press-releases/cacilie-m-case According to the above:

She had an intuition of a future state that led her to remark, "It's a long time since I've been frightened of witches at night," the night before she experienced this fear.

We all know what witches were associated with at that time: sexual promiscuity.
Number 3: Fanny Moser.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/freuds-patients-serial/201207/fanny-moser-1848-1925
According to the above, she was born in a wealthy family, and at age 23, married a wealthy 65 year old. Then when she got older she divorced, and fell in "love" with a much younger man, who robbed her of some of her fortune, and her daughters stopped speaking to her due to her irrational "love" for this much younger man. Again, my hypothesis is that she was not sexually fulfilled by her 40+ year older husband, and she fantasized about more attractive men, and the shame and guilt from this manifested in physical symptoms. Then she couldn't handle it and gave in and went the other extreme and married a much younger more attractive man who was clearly using her for her money. Again, due to protect herself from the shame/guilt from this action of hers, she projected and shifted her blamed at her daughters.
Number 4: Miss Lucy R.
https://www.encyclopedia.com/psychology/dictionaries-thesauruses-pictures-and-press-releases/lucy-r-case
Another wealthy woman, she was in "love" with the man whose chlidren she cared for, and she was in denial about this (again, shame?).
Number 5: Katharina
https://www.pbs.org/youngdrfreud/pages/analysis_fears.htm
According to the above, at the age of 16 she developed symptoms after witnessing her father having sex with her sister, and her father apparently made a pass for her 2 years prior. While this case has nothing to do with her own marriage, a potential hypothesis is that she was a virgin at that time, and at that time a 16 year old female virgin likely had no access to men except her fantasy, and by that age one would be developed enough to have sexual desires. So perhaps she was turned on momentarily when she saw that scene, and this caused moral disgust and shame in her, and this manifested in physical symptoms.

I 21F am dating my coworker and best friend M25 and i don’t know how to break it off.
So back in fall of last year i broke up with my long term 4 yr boyfriend (M21)and since then i feel like my life’s been falling apart. he was really the only boyfriend i’ve had longer than a month or so, so we kinda went through all of highschool and our young adult life together. he was my person, i had no doubt i was going to spend my life with him and never really imagined what i would do if we broke up. i just knew we had resentment in the relationship from past stuff he did and i wanted a break to heal from it so i didn’t just take it out on him. in that time at the beginning i had people in my life i thought we’re helping me do that the right way, but if anything all of them just led me away from him and i made rlly poor decisions. i know i’m a bit blind to what he’s done and i have good people in my life now that show me that but i feel like everyone makes mistakes and i did too. i feel bad cause i said some hurtful things when i found out some stuff and everyday i wish i could tell him i’m sorry for it. i know i shouldnt feel the longing i feel for him while i’m in a relationship but my current boyfriend was one of the people i had in the beginning. the people i thought knew best cause they had life experience. although he was always by my side and held me through my hurt, i told him i wanted nothing like that with him and i was still healing. eventually i had to move out of my ex’s and i’s house and one of those friends at the time wanted to move out aswell. we roomed after my lease ended and pretty immediately this guy i’ve never met in the ten years i’ve known her starts living there. not just visiting all the time or sleeping there, living. mind you this home was 90% furnished with my stuff cause she wasn’t moved out on her own for the past few years like i had. he home while she’s not, constantly showering, cooking with my food and dishes, and i’m an open book i love sharing my home and life plus he was nice to her so i didn’t really care. but after the bills shot up a combined 200+ since the month before he wasn’t living there i asked if he couldn’t maybe clean and pay maybe 2-300 w month. she wasn’t happy with that and it caused some other fights, her threading me, putting photos of my neck slashed on the walls. i eventually had to get her mom involved cause she would block and unblock me to send nasty texts and we agreed she needed to live back home since she couldn’t qualify on her own anyways. i had to get another roommate and take over and atp my now boyfriend insisted. now i’m in a lease living with him.
i know it sounds horrible but i don’t know what to do. he’s great to live with and him helping me around the house has been such a huge stress reliever. but it doesn’t make my feelings just go away. everytime i would mention how i don’t feel comfortable being in a relationship he would say “it’s ok i understand” then invited me to his grandparents. i would say i need more time but then he would ask why he wasn’t enough. after a while everyone kept shitting on him for moving in with me while not being in a relationship. it wasn’t him ever “not being enough” it was me just not over my ex. and i keep trying to tell him that. little by little i tell him im unhappy, im miserable, i don’t want to live in this house. but every time he says we will get though it together and i just need more time. but i’ve been feeling like this for months. i have no one to really talk to about it and i’ve just been trying to wait it out, for it to get better, but it’s not.
so i I know what i need to do and what i want to do i just don’t know how. there’s so many thoughts and possibilities going on in my head. if i break up with him we work together so i see him everyday, we live together so i’ll either have to have him live in the other room or move out, but i don’t have the money to live by myself so i can’t even afford for him to move out. oh and he also doesn’t drive so i don’t know how he would afford all the ubers home, and i would most likely just take him to and from like i’ve been doing out of empathy. and what if he moves out and we are still working together? how would he ever get another job if he doesn’t have a car? i also just feel really bad. i think about how to let him down easy so he can be ok with it but there’s just no way. i know why people in movies act like jerks before so the other person isn’t so hurt but i know from experience that doesn’t work. he’s a great guy and rlly sweet i just didn’t want this.
i feel trapped. i don’t know what to do

This could be a long one. Or maybe it will be short, I don't know.
I am 24, turning 25 at the end of the year. Grew up in a dysfunctional, abusive household. Adoptee, orphaned at 11. I have now noticed that apart from depression and anxiety, I have been toxic and dysfunctional in my relationships (platonic and romantic). I have love bombed and put people on a pedestal without even knowing enough about them to categorize them as such important people in my life. I have had anger issues and had to apologize to my ex partners for outbursts that embarrassed them and was disrespectful. I have switched friend groups a lot because people have become distant towards me and after noticing it a few times, I just know when they are slowly removing themselves from my life and I do them a favor and isolate myself. No one has ever had a talk where they point things out and then proceeded to cut me off, but I think it is because they saw me as 1) cocky, arrogant, not teachable or 2) an adult that knows what they are doing - jokes on them, I did not. (Or third option, the mood swings that come with depression are not easy to handle for those around me. Everyone is pro mental health but also those struggling are often a menace. Anyways.) After leaving my abusive childhood home I felt “freedom” for the first time and went crazy! Too crazy, with no regards for others as I was feeding my inner child with all that she “missed” out on (attention, love, my own money etc.). I have created unnecessary drama by having two affairs with taken people. I did it out of insecurity and retrospectively, because I probably felt a high from them “choosing” me and did not understand that them choosing me was not a compliment. It’s not a case of having been outed on social media or so, more so, within my community I just notice people keeping me at an arm's length. When you post revealing pictures, dress a certain way, look for attention, post your partner (now ex) excessively (essentially trying to prove to the world how good the relationship is), at some point, people call your bs on how insecure you are and how much you base your self-worth on external validation and factors, how you have no sense of shame (not because you don’t care, but because you don’t know - low social awareness kind of thing). No one has come to me to call me out, but again, I am silently watching people be very careful with how they engage with me. And I myself have gone into isolation too. It’s frustrating as owning up to insecure, immature, toxic behavior does not mean it never happened. I have a severe fear of being seen/perceived now. "What if who they saw me as is who they'll ever believe me to be?" kind of thing. I am growing in self awareness at an age where I see many other people my age be further in their emotional maturity. I wish I was raised better. Good upbringing is such a privilege! I have been very childish in how I handled my reputation. Children don’t care for repercussions, I never did either. And yes I have found a therapist and psychiatrist on whose waiting lists I am on (but I am terrified to say the least as where I live I have to pay everything by myself and you guessed it - I don’t have good financial habits established yet and am scared to start therapy and possibly medication and not be able to continue treatment till I heal what is likely C-PTSD as these things are just highly expensive). Now that some enlightenment is happening, I am almost hopeless as if a potential partner did some searching, what they would find out could be problematic. These things did not happen at an age where I was a child, people actually expect me to be an adult. I am disgusted by myself and my former lack of integrity. I understand I find myself in a mess I single handedly created. This is a very short version of everything that has happened, that I did and so on.
How much hope is there really for me? I see a need to reparent myself, I would say I (obviously) was not raised very well under care and consistent love and have sought it in all the wrong places.
How do I undo life as I know it?
How do I come to terms with having to heal before I put myself back out there into the dating pool and even search for new friendships while I work on myself. I have been lonely for the majority of my life already and now that I know of my need to heal, I feel angry and sad that I may not be able to enjoy social connections for a while. Does that make sense? To protect others.
How do I accept that I can only heal from a place of self-love and self-compassion, not shame? I am currently in a severe depressive episode and already know that any doctor, psychologist, psychiatrist would probably focus on getting me to a stable mental state first. But I would prefer to go straight into learning new behavioral skills, healthy coping mechanisms and so on.. I feel like shaming myself into changing atm, which is funny as I want to stop pleasing people but am also changing amongst other reasons to be more likable by society?
How do I reparent myself joyfully? What can I do to enjoy this healing journey? Like seriously “re-raise” myself.
How do I forgive myself for the affairs (I’ve owned up to them to the women), the cringe oversharing, the skimpy outfits, the serial dating and so on? (without minimizing my home-wrecking)
How do I learn to trust myself, to trust that I don't f up any new relationship or friendship?
How do I measure when I am ready and healthy/healthier? What differentiates former red flags that turn into green flags from those that remain toxic, dysfunctional and so on?
Is it even possible to establish a sense of self and self-worth at my age? Should that not have happened by now?
What therapeutic modality would be best for me? Any therapists here by any chance? Can I even truly get rid of my baggage?
LOL: Men, would you date me based on what you heard lol? Given I have done “the work”. Please elaborate then what the “work” is. How do I redeem myself? I’d potentially also like to hear from the people that believe “people don’t change”. I’d like your view of things too if possible. Any comment and tip helps. Thank you so much.
Also: I newly found to Christ and would appreciate hearing from Christians too. From anyone really.
Please keep in mind that money is an issue unfortunately. I would love mentorship, therapy, to be surrounded by "elders" that can help me mature, are there any - idk- programs that are free?

I'm an INFP guy in my 30s, and am currently living with my parents temporarily while i get a new place... my dad is an ISTJ.
My dad has never been emotionally available, encouraging, supportive.. we never have had meaningful conversations literally ever... he has mellowed out *a little* since retiring, but still overall seems insensitive a lot.
A little backstory, the past few years have easily been the toughest of my life, some very traumatic and painful things I've been going through... my dad involuntarily and unjustly sent me to a psych ward because he was concerned that i was depressed... he spent tons of money to convince a judge that he had good intentions and as a grown adult, police forced me away for 5 days, which ruined trust issues with my parents and caused lots of mental problems for me in the seven years since...
my parents apologized after the incident and admitted they misjudged me and made a mistake in thinking i was depressed. stupid fucking move if you ask me.
Anyways, this past year has been incredibly painful, dififcult for many reasons... I'm just trying to move forward in life and turn things around... and it was just easier for me to move back in with my family during this time, which they allowed...
Most recently, my dad has been wanting me to move out very soon and he is very aware that this is the toughest, most pivotal, delicate, painful time of my life by far... i've told him to just be patient and not force me to move out...
Two days ago he calmly asked me if we could meet at the park to talk about my living situation, how he came up with a time frame on me moving out and that he wants to discuss it... which couldn't have been worse timing, as i just recently began working a new job and aside from this stressful job, i have a ton of very difficult things going on,
and instantly when i began talking about how i have a lot going on, he cuts me off and doesn't even allow me to talk... i ask him to stop cutting me off, and soon after as i'm calmly talking, he gets angry..
i then calmly asked him to stop being insensitive, and to be understanding that i don't know when we'll meet... and he said it has to be less than two weeks, and during the toughest time of my life, and with work and the countless other very painful and difficult things i'm working through, i just couldn't agree to a time,
and i said to please be patient, and starts threatening me saying "if we don't meet, i'm just going to make a decision and you won't like it", meaning he'll kick me out,
and i begin asking him to be gentle and sensitive, how i've been asking him this for years, how he's always been insensitive since forever, and he begins turning up his TV volume loud to drown me out, and i get more hurt and begin crying a bit, and he is just cold and insensitive,
and gets angry and/or shuts me out by turning up the tv volume...
the confusing part is, he has a four year old grandson, a sweet boy that is my sisters son... i'm the uncle.. and my as the grandfather, my dad is always gentle and kind towards him,
and here's me, a child at heart who always stayed true to himself and the little boy within him.. .i remained a gentle childlike soul who still loves the same things i did as a boy... climbing trees and playing outside, art and music... i'm true to the boy i was...
and then i began saying how i'm a child at heart and how he's kind to his grandson and so why not me? and he began turning up the tv volume again and not responding..
i then asked him to just be gentle, and i was very hurt and talking a bit loud and as a petty defense mechanism my dad goes "oh, you're being gentle?", because i was emotional and expressing my feelings a bit loudly.
i walked away into a different room in heavy tears, about 30 minutes later wrote a note about how i'm going through the most painful time of my life, to please stop adding pressure into my life, and how i'm a gentle child at heart...
and soon after i heard a very loud bang noise from the kitchen, and i walked in and saw my piece of paper i poured my heart into, and it was taken off the counter i placed it on with tape, and placed to the side on this desk in the kitchen...
so he got mad and banged the fridge or something, and took the paper and cast it aside, like me and my feelings...
i don't understand why he would be so harsh and cold towards me his son, who he says he loves, but gentle and kind towards his grandson.

Hello world! I am David. Like a thesis I'll start from the top: what am I here for? Why would I venture into the cesspool of Reddit - especially someone my age? Well, I seek a new person to talk to daily. That simple. Someone to share all of life with, the good and the bad, the ugly and the beautiful, one text at a time. Maybe we'll flirt. Maybe we won't. Maybe I'll throw my phone at the wall after a few failed conversations. We will see.
I live in Florida, USA, and work at a steakhouse as a servebartender. Been there for 5 years (though I've been in my profession for 23 years) and I make decent money doing it. I'm divorced, ENFP, sorted Slytherin, and according to the internet if I was a doctor I'd be the 11th? I haven't watched much Doctor Who, but I bet some of you have so there's that. I also have 3 kids. There! All my dirty laundry in one go! Let's see who made it this far.
In my spare time I build swords for real, but out of Perler beads. I also can replicate any pixelated image such as old video game sprites. I also have a serious thing for lego have a shelf in my sun room of everything I've built.
I don't care about your age or marital status, if you think we'll click then come chat!
INxJs to the front of the line.

For some context, Im expecting to make about 33k this year and have about 18k in longterm unrealized gains from crypto and about 8k in longterm unrealized gains in a UTMA account I acquired for my 21st birthday this year. From my understanding, I won’t pay capital gains taxes on anything that I make under 47k.
The reason I’m trying to sell the holdings in the UTMA account is because it’s in a mutual fund with a high fees that doesn’t even outperform the market (AIVSX). I’d like to put the money into some other passively managed etf.
After doing a little reading on this UTMA account, it seems that the gains (up to $1250 a year) made in this account are exempt from taxation. Im curious if I am able to stack this exemption with the gains made over the 20 years that the accounts been open. That way the 8k in gains wouldn’t be subject to any tax.
This seems like a headache to go through and get sorted if I try to sell. Should I try to talk to a tax expert?

I'm an INFP guy in my 30s, and am currently living with my parents temporarily while i get a new place...
My dad has never been emotionally available, encouraging, supportive.. we never have had meaningful conversations literally ever... he has mellowed out *a little* since retiring, but still overall seems insensitive a lot.
A little backstory, the past few years have easily been the toughest of my life, some very traumatic and painful things I've been going through... my dad involuntarily and unjustly sent me to a psych ward because he was concerned that i was depressed... he spent tons of money to convince a judge that he had good intentions and as a grown adult, police forced me away for 5 days, which ruined trust issues with my parents and caused lots of mental problems for me in the seven years since...
my parents apologized after the incident and admitted they misjudged me and made a mistake in thinking i was depressed. stupid fucking move if you ask me.
Anyways, this past year has been incredibly painful, dififcult for many reasons... I'm just trying to move forward in life and turn things around... and it was just easier for me to move back in with my family during this time, which they allowed...
Most recently, my dad has been wanting me to move out very soon and he is very aware that this is the toughest, most pivotal, delicate, painful time of my life by far... i've told him to just be patient and not force me to move out...
Two days ago he calmly asked me if we could meet at the park to talk about my living situation, how he came up with a time frame on me moving out and that he wants to discuss it... which couldn't have been worse timing, as i just recently began working a new job and aside from this stressful job, i have a ton of very difficult things going on,
and instantly when i began talking about how i have a lot going on, he cuts me off and doesn't even allow me to talk... i ask him to stop cutting me off, and soon after as i'm calmly talking, he gets angry..
i then calmly asked him to stop being insensitive, and to be understanding that i don't know when we'll meet... and he said it has to be less than two weeks, and during the toughest time of my life, and with work and the countless other very painful and difficult things i'm working through, i just couldn't agree to a time,
and i said to please be patient, and starts threatening me saying "if we don't meet, i'm just going to make a decision and you won't like it", meaning he'll kick me out,
and i begin asking him to be gentle and sensitive, how i've been asking him this for years, how he's always been insensitive since forever, and he begins turning up his TV volume loud to drown me out, and i get more hurt and begin crying a bit, and he is just cold and insensitive,
and gets angry and/or shuts me out by turning up the tv volume...
the confusing part is, he has a four year old grandson, a sweet boy that is my sisters son... i'm the uncle.. and my as the grandfather, my dad is always gentle and kind towards him,
and here's me, a child at heart who always stayed true to himself and the little boy within him.. .i remained a gentle childlike soul who still loves the same things i did as a boy... climbing trees and playing outside, art and music... i'm true to the boy i was...
and then i began saying how i'm a child at heart and how he's kind to his grandson and so why not me? and he began turning up the tv volume again and not responding..
i then asked him to just be gentle, and i was very hurt and talking a bit loud and as a petty defense mechanism my dad goes "oh, you're being gentle?", because i was emotional and expressing my feelings a bit loudly.
i walked away into a different room in heavy tears, about 30 minutes later wrote a note about how i'm going through the most painful time of my life, to please stop adding pressure into my life, and how i'm a gentle child at heart...
and soon after i heard a very loud bang noise from the kitchen, and i walked in and saw my piece of paper i poured my heart into, and it was taken off the counter i placed it on with tape, and placed to the side on this desk in the kitchen...
so he got mad and banged the fridge or something, and took the paper and cast it aside, like me and my feelings...
i don't understand why he would be so harsh and cold towards me his son, who he says he loves, but gentle and kind towards his grandson.

Unsurprisingly this comment was censored elsewhere, so I am trying it here.
My hypothesis is that Freud's patients, who were mainly wealthy women in arranged marriages, did not find their husbands attractive. Modern life backs this up: as soon as women began to have opportunity to break away from societal restrains surrounding sex, they virtually all display sexual hypergamy: this appears to be a biological fact, which was restrained by virtually every society. It is not a surprise that virtually every society independently came up with rules surrounding sex and curbed female sexual freedom to at least some degree: it must be that these societies recognized the biological sexual hypergamy and the threats it could pose to society. Since radical 4rth wave feminism was implemented in the modern West about a decade ago we have seen how Western civilization has suddenly began its demise. In about 10 years, 1000s of years of civilization have been undone.
Back to Freud's patients: again, they were upper class wealthy women in arranged marriages, and so by virtue of simple statistics, since there are only so many highly attractive men, the majority of these women did not find their husbands attractive, but could not openly talk about this due to societal restrains. This gap caused distress, which then manifested in hysteria. That is why when they were able to do talk therapy and get out their repressed thoughts, their physical symptoms of hysteria were reduced. In addition, it is pretty much a fact that women are much more sensitive to guilt (my hypothesis for this is: as the physically weaker sex, women are more dependent on society for survival, so are more sensitive to acting anti-social, which is what guilt helps stop) than men (and due to the societal restraints they likely felt ashamed for wanting better than their husbands), and so this likely also played a part in creating a disconnect so strong that it caused neurological symptoms.
EDIT:
I had no idea of the cases below when I made this hypothesis. My hypothesis was based on: a) most of his patients were upper class/wealthy women b) most had unexplained neurological/physical symptoms c) sexuality was at least partially a theme in most cases. I combined that with the observed sexual behavior of women I see today, as well as my observed theme of women being much more sensitive of guilt and shame compared to men.
But I just skimmed the cases and found some support for my hypothesis:
There were 5 women with case studies. 1 of them (Anna O.) does not appear to fit the pattern of my hypothesis, but she was not mainly treated by Freud, rather, by Breuer. Though it appears that the whole "penis envy" thing largely stemmed from her case. In summary, she appeared to have resentment over her brother, because she was smart but was not given the same academic opportunities due to being a girl. However, I can't seem to find anything about her sexual life.
Number 2: Anna von Lieben (Cäcilie M.)
There seems to be reasonable support for my hypothesis in this case.
https://eprints.gla.ac.uk/291492/1/291492.pdf
According to the above, appears that at 19, shortly prior to marriage, she started to have symptoms, relating to either a sexual experience or fantasy, and she kept it inside and did not tell anyone the details (likely due to shame?).
https://www.costumecocktail.com/2017/03/06/anna-todesco-ca-1865/
According to the above, she was wealthy, and at age 21 married a very wealthy older man.
https://www.encyclopedia.com/psychology/dictionaries-thesauruses-pictures-and-press-releases/cacilie-m-case
According to the above:

She had an intuition of a future state that led her to remark, "It's a long time since I've been frightened of witches at night," the night before she experienced this fear.

We all know what witches were associated with at that time: sexual promiscuity.
Number 3: Fanny Moser.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/freuds-patients-serial/201207/fanny-moser-1848-1925
According to the above, she was born in a wealthy family, and at age 23, married a wealthy 65 year old. Then when she got older she divorced, and fell in "love" with a much younger man, who robbed her of some of her fortune, and her daughters stopped speaking to her due to her irrational "love" for this much younger man. Again, my hypothesis is that she was not sexually fulfilled by her 40+ year older husband, and she fantasized about more attractive men, and the shame and guilt from this manifested in physical symptoms. Then she couldn't handle it and gave in and went the other extreme and married a much younger more attractive man who was clearly using her for her money. Again, due to protect herself from the shame/guilt from this action of hers, she projected and shifted her blamed at her daughters.
Number 4: Miss Lucy R.
https://www.encyclopedia.com/psychology/dictionaries-thesauruses-pictures-and-press-releases/lucy-r-case
Another wealthy woman, she was in "love" with the man whose chlidren she cared for, and she was in denial about this (again, shame?).
Number 5: Katharina
https://www.pbs.org/youngdrfreud/pages/analysis_fears.htm
According to the above, at the age of 16 she developed symptoms after witnessing her father having sex with her sister, and her father apparently made a pass for her 2 years prior. While this case has nothing to do with her own marriage, a potential hypothesis is that she was a virgin at that time, and at that time a 16 year old female virgin likely had no access to men except her fantasy, and by that age one would be developed enough to have sexual desires. So perhaps she was turned on momentarily when she saw that scene, and this caused moral disgust and shame in her, and this manifested in physical symptoms.

So, i've always been an anxious person. I used to be abused by people at school and at home as a teen and as a child. I'm starting to think that maybe I was an abuser too without realising it. You see, we never really had boundaries in the house. I was told by my family to leave them alone but they'd never reciprocate the feeling? (Just an example). My parents always said I always got too involved with things, but my nana always taught me from a young age to think if you did the right or wrong thing...
I also used to get beaten a lot and passed around by family. It's left me to be an incredibly anxious person who worries too much for her own good. I was also severely neglected.
So, i'm pregnant and i'm 20 and i'm very depressed and anxious. I'm very fortunate to be able to live with my dad as he bought a container house for me and my daughter. However i'm still feeling shaky about it as I was blamed for a lot of what happened with his divorce. I was 11. It involved me either being beaten by my mother when my dad wouldn't defend me or giving into her. My dad still won't forgive me. I'm trying to move on.
I'm struggling to see a way out. I've annoyed and clinged onto my boyfriend to the point of him wanting to fuck off for good, my family are all disappointed in me. Idk. I'm very scared and depressed and I have no one to talk to. I've been struggling with eating, my anxiety is through the roof, sleeping wrong, struggling to learn about parenthood and money, yada.
Someone please help me. Someone, please tell me what I need. The basics of bills, how to run a house, how to keep organised, how to obtain money. I'm also a student but I've postponed it due to the stress. I want to keep of antidepressants.
I'm an idiot. You can call me anything at this rate i'll cry it off.
Please. Someone advise me on how to improve? I want to be there for my baby. I have to be strong. I'm shitscared though and I have no idea what i'm doing. I don't want to be abused for not knowing how to pay bills either. I know i'll be put down for it. Please?

Unless you are ready to handle the reaper cushions.

The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.
― Mark Twain

general information	additional information
name: Micah Di Santis	preferred name: Myka, Mike
d.o.b.: 10 June 20XX	age: 16
nationality: Sicilian	hometown: Sicily, Italy
gender identity: cis-male	gender expression: male
sexual orientation: Undecided	preferred pronouns: he / him / his

• Half-blood- and non-half-blood-related conundrums: ADHD (attention deficiency and hyperactivity disorder), Dyslexia

relation	name/s	age	relationship
divine parent	Charon, The Ferryman	old	Micah still has no idea what to think about his dad. Speaking with him during the visit to Olympus did nothing to clear things up. The man, or was it immortal, was blunt and yet, his son's opinion of him was still up in the air, though leaning more to the positive side. At least Micah has the connections to get himself an admittedly fantastic tailored suit.
mortal parent	???	???	Micah has no idea who his biological mother is. The only reason he knew who his father was before he came to camp was because the spirits told him.
mortal adoptive parent	Maria Di Santis	32 years old	If Marco was a saint then Maria was a saintess through and through. Everything she did, she did with someone else in mind. From the day she adopted Micah to the moment Marco died, Micah did not see her cry for herself at all. She'd cry when a little boy got hurt and would offer help or cry when she saw a cat get kicked by some drunk douchebag.
mortal adoptive parent	Vincino (Vinny) Bertelli	37 years old	Vincino is an absurdly rich man who was born and raised in Sicily. He found Maira through her singing on the side of the road to raise money for Micah's trip to the US. He offered to take her in because he liked her and sponsored Micah's trip by giving him some money and a ticket onto a transatlantic cruise ship headed to New York City. All things considered, he's a kind and considerate man who loves Maria.
adoptive brother	Marco Di Santis	14 years old, Deceased	Marco Di Santis was a saint. Ever since he learned the word 'kindness', he was absorbed and defined by it. He loved seeing the smiles bloom on people's faces when he shared some bread or helped them with something but what he truly loved more than anything else was sailing and playing the piano. He was handsome beyond reason, having pale blonde hair and clear blue eyes, though he never had a chance to grow into it fully.
dead guy	Chris	16 years old, Deceased	Like Marco, Chris is one big ball of sunshine. The only difference is he's a ghost. Micah met Chris on the cruise he stowed away on to get to the US and the ghost promptly joined him, though reluctantly because he was watching over his parents and little brother, due to finding him interesting. Like Marco, Chris is handsome though he had more time to grow into his looks. Framed by golden hair and chocolate brown eyes, Micah wouldn't have doubted it if the boy was very popular during his living days.
friend	Willow 'Will' Crest	16 years old	One of the more laid-back campers Micah had met, Willow became something of a friend to the son of Charon, though they started off more as discussion partners than anything else. And besides, being chill-buddies is pretty fun on its own. Who knows where things can go from there?
friend	Rachel 'Rocky' Williams	17 years old	Rocky was one of the first people Micah met upon arriving at camp and her enthusiasm, uncharacteristic for a child of a chthonic god, immediately made her stand out. Though he genuinely has no idea what goes through Rocky's head, Micah considers them close, and okay, maybe he has a minuscule crush on her.
friend/former cabin-mate	Ramona Herrera	16 years old	Being another camper who met Micah's criteria for friendship (i.e. Be chill and relax), Ramona is someone who Micah doesn't know too much about. Much like Kit, who Micah has seen around camp and the Hermes Cabin, she is a mystery to him. Though he does enjoy trying to spot which corner she's hiding in at any given camp gathering.
acquaintance (?)	Mathew Knight	15 years old	Matt is, as far as friendship is concerned, a work-in-progress. Micah's father had recommended getting to know the son of Hades and though he'd lost himself in school shortly after, Micah had made introductions.

appearance

faceclaim	height	weight	hair	eyes	skin
FC, Art by Charlie Bowater	5’11”	Doesn't care	Black	Amber, fiery like gold	Lightly tanned, peppered with a few more recent thin scars from his time at camp

description: Micah is a fairly restrained person when it comes to clothes. Usually, he'd only grab a long-sleeved shirt and some jeans, feeling content. Most of his clothing is fairly average, what with them being of all sorts of muted colors and sorts of clothing. He isn't used to expressing himself whether it is though clothing or other methods.
equipment:

• Folding Knife; The cleaver-shaped folding knife was a present from his brother and Micah has taken to using it for almost everything in his day to day. When his mother fell ill after Marco's death, Micah had to scrub the docks, cut rope to secure the boats, and even got to work on some boats during outings for extra cash. The knife became like a lifeline, being used for everything he had to do.
• Bead Necklace; Micah has been at camp for a year now.
• Monster Directory; Over the years, Micah has seen one or two monsters in their undisguised forms and has taken to keeping note of them by drawing them in as great a detail as he can remember in a separate notebook from the rest of his drawings while also making notes of tactics that worked against them.
• Sketchbook; Ever since he started drawing, Micah has had a good amount of sketchbooks, most of which he donated to orphanages in Sicily for the little kids to enjoy the drawings if they weren't destroyed by seawater or other kids. After he donated his last one with a few pages blank at the end, he got himself a new book, this one being leather-bound and practically a blank slate. He's glad to have an abundance of space to draw as his story unfolds.
• Art Supplies; A good amount of colored and uncolored pencils, all in different states of use, either dull or sharp, long or short, and an eraser in a dark brown leather box.
• Satchel; The over-the-shoulder bag Micah carries around with all of his items. It's nothing special, just an olive green bag with a good amount of compartments and space.
• Throwing Knife Bandolier; Micah's choice of weapon, the bandolier he carries is easy to hide under civilian clothes, fast to access, and easy to use. The knives are of standard make and easily replaceable with others from the armory, though Micah tends to clean and sharpen them himself after each use.

abilities:
* – modmailed / custom

godrent domain powers: 

a) Dead Communication; Ever since his close brush with death, Micah's powers surged. His father's connection to spirits and those who have died became his and as such he can now see and communicate with the spirits of the dead. They have been his only source of information on his father. He likes to build a network of spirits whenever he goes somewhere new so he can gather information as fast as possible.
b) Shadow Camouflage; From a fairly young age, Micah wasn't much of a social butterfly. Most of the time, he felt most comfortable in a shadowy nook where the lines of his body would be broken by shadows, using the ability unconsciously. After his near-death experience, Micah became more aware of his ability to hide in shadows and learned to use it more effectively than before.
c) Shadow Travel\;* After an unknowably long amount of time spent in Hades, Micah's father, Charon, was aligned with the underworld to which he led the souls of the dead. Similarly, Micah has inherited the ability to travel through shadows in short or long-range teleports.

godrent minor powers: 

a) River Step\;* The connection with the River Styx flows through Micah's veins as much as it does through his father's. The ability this connection granted him was the ability to walk on water, as long as there is no significant shift to the water, such as large waves.
b) Death Buff\;* Being a servant of the God of the Dead, it only makes sense that Charon would draw his own power from his master. As such, Micah has inherited a trait where he becomes stronger when around children of other deities of death, such as Hades, Melinoe, Zagreus, the Oneiroi, etc.
c) Aura of the Harbinger\;* Being a multifaceted deity, Charon passed down his multifacetedness in the form of an aura ability. Micah has the ability to project an aura with two opposite effects that work on separate targets. A calming effect affects any spirits within the aura while an imposing effect like that of Children of Hades affects living beings within the aura's range.

godrent major powers: 

a) Major Watercraft Manipulation\;* Being known as the Ferryman of the Dead, it only makes sense for Charon, and Micah by extension, to have dominion over watercraft. Micah's control over watercraft was one of the first powers he discovered and the power that is most intertwined with him in his entirety. He has inherited the ability to gain absolute control over any and all watercraft down to the rigging and ropes.

skillset 

Over the years, Micah has picked up a good variety of skills, including fishing and rope work. Still, there have been a great many learning experiences for the boy on the streets of Sicily. Free running came as a given to any child of below-average means in Sicily but Micah was significantly worse than most thanks to a leg injury he got at the age of thirteen. Drawing was the only real luxury he had during his time when he wasn't working. A young lady from a carnival that was passing through taught him how to use throwing knives after he helped her find her way around the city. He learned ballet by watching, sitting for hours outside a studio every day for weeks until he'd gotten good enough to practice independently, which led to his interest in gymnastics. One of the older neighborhood boys took to teaching Micah, his brother, and the other kids how to read and write in English. Micah's adoptive mother insisted on teaching him how to speak English from a young age. Now, he can speak English with a barely noticeable Sicilian accent.
personality
Micah is about as quiet as you'd expect from a Chthonic kid. That isn't to say that he is particularly serious or brooding, in fact, even when he's upset, he rarely does either. He mainly remains silent because he isn't particularly talented at talking. His reactions to most things tend to be a bit muted unless something is especially funny or angering. Any of the kids that liked him or trusted him in Sicily did so because they understood that when it was needed, Micah would talk as much as was needed and would do what needed to be done to keep everyone safe.
Fatal Flaw; Vengefulness
backstory
Micah's past year at camp had been simultaneously the most relaxing and confusing year of his life. There had been a unfamiliarity that Micah had with anything to do with relaxation or really anything but working that had slowly melted away. He'd made friends and discovered passions that might have otherwise gone ignored for the rest of his life (Art was definitely one of those).
So, when school started to take over his time, Micah barely gave it any thought, settling back into his old work mentality, though now focused on mental instead of physical labor. Before he knew it, it was summer, school was out, and he was back at the start, not knowing how to get himself to relax.
now
Micah stared at the ground around the Range target blankly, the celestial bronze knives scattered around it refracting light. He was jolted out of his mental haze when a camper a few rows down yelled at him for standing in front of the target for so long. Quickly finishing up gathering his throwing knives, Micah slotted them into his bandolier and left the Range.
For a while, he just walked, until he reached the pier. Boats had been a constant of Micah's life before coming to camp and when he was really out of it or off his rocker, the son of Charon liked to settle at the camp pier and imagine what sort of sea vessel he'd design for himself. Aesthetics might not have mattered to everyone but to Micah, they did. The ship would have to look as good as it sailed.
Now, he fell onto his back in the sand a few meters from the pier and stared up at the sky. Barely any clouds. Gods that was boring.
(Credit to u/FireyRage for the amazing intro format.)

Hi y'all, this is a new account because I was getting triggered by reddit and I needed to delete my old account. I used to be pretty active here. :)
I'm 37 and was diagnosed early 2023. I spent 4 months inpatient last year after receiving the diagnosis. I'm currently doing EMDR twice a month, using my coping skills, and focusing on getting better so I can return to work (I haven't worked in 18 months).
For background: my mother has NPD :( and my father is emotionally immature. My psych suspects he was undiagnosed BPD when I was growing up based on my description of his behavior. I have 2 siblings who have a ton of issues, but no one else in my family of origin has ever sought treatment, therapy, or any help for the abuse. I haven't spoken to any of them in ~15 months and don't plan to reestablish contact until after my mother dies.
My question: My mother has a half-sister (my aunt) whose about 15 years older than her. Unfortunately, my grandmother triangulated my mother and her half-sister until she died in 2007. I only realized this last year while in treatment. (My aunt's father died in WWII and then her husband died in a freak workplace accident in the late '70s. A lot of my mother's triangulation was about how my aunt is a deadbeat, but she hasn't had an easy life!) She has 3 children who are a decade older than me and my siblings, but all 6 of us grew up pretty close. My cousins were like my older siblings and I have lots of good memories of them. However, they can be volatile and they gossip a lot. There is a ton of triangulation on my mother's side and I don't totally trust them because of my mother's behavior. It's like we're on two different teams because there's so much mistrust between these families, but we all grew up together! :(
My aunt is now in her mid-80s and I feel like it may be time to reach out to her before she passes. I didn't have any truly "safe" adults growing up, but my aunt and my grandfather (he passed already) were the closest ones to safety. (I had a family friend who I considered safe, but she died a few years ago from cancer. I wish I could go back in time and tell her how much I appreciated the little safety she gave me as a child!)
That brings me to my question: I'm considering reaching out to my safest cousin and asking her to put me in touch with my aunt. I'm very confused, though, about if this is a good idea. When my grandfather died in 2015, my mother and my aunt had a big fight at his funeral about money, inheritance, who gets his house, etc. Of course, my mother triangulated me and my siblings, and said this fight was all my aunts' fault because she's a deadbeat, etc. I have no idea if anything my mother said is true... I really don't trust my mother. She lies a lot. I do trust my intuition, which tells me that my aunt wasn't totally to blame, but is somewhat to blame for this argument. No one from my family of origin has spoken to my aunt or cousins since then, although I think my older sibling is connected with them on social media. I don't have social media.
Sorry, this is so long... in 2021, my parents and I went to a funeral of a distant cousin who passed from COVID. At the wake, one of my cousins (who is my aunt's age) was asking me about my grandfather's house, which was the source of the argument at his funeral. I said something casual about how my mother rents it out and it's in good shape. I thought it was just a casual conversation, but according to my mother and my older sister, this cousin was most likely fishing for information for my aunt... I have no idea who or what to believe. This comment about him fishing for information really upset me. :( I'm the second youngest of like 50 cousins and I don't really trust these people!
I want to talk to my aunt before she dies, but I'm scared that it will somehow get back to my mother and/or my siblings, and they will do something... I don't even know what they would do! They've only showed up to my house once since I cut contact, so I think this is one of my child parts being scared/hyper-vigilant.
I have EMDR on Friday and plan to use some of the time to discuss it with my therapist, but I was hoping someone else from this community would have experience with a similar situation... I just need advice from my peers and the handful of friends I have with CPTSD are youngehaven't been through as many family deaths as I have .... I went to a funeral every year growing up. I don't want to look back and regret not seeing my aunt before she passes. I don't totally trust her, but I do miss her and love her!
I HATE THIS DIAGNOSIS... I WISH MY FAMILY WAS "NORMAL"! ;-)
Thank you to anyone who read this far. Have a great day and stay safe! <3

I 29F live with my mom, older brother by 6 yrs and 95yr old grandma. I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety from about 20yrs old and have probably been living with it since I was a child but didn't know what it was. Since I was a child I have had a lot of responsibility placed on me as the "gifted kid" that would "save and protect" the family and hold it together. Now, I wasn't aware I was being put into that role until I got to live and work abroad and had some time to reflect and also talk to peers to realise that most people don't live their childhood, teens and twenties supporting their family of adults - especially not as the youngest member of the household.
That job abroad felt like it was the first time doing something for myself and by myself but quickly became supporting the family financially and at every beck and call from abroad. My mom would vent to me about whatever is daunting on her emotionally, stressing her financially etc and being so used to it - I always made it become my problem to fix it. This lead to a problem where, I have no savings, no property that isn't tied to/shared with someone else, and I am constantly mentally drained and emotionally exhausted till I just don't have the mental capacity to work on my own goals and aspirations. Further stressing me out is I actually have a lot of big goals and aspirations and expectations I set to myself. Being so far behind, esp when it seems like its mostly not my fault (apart from my enabling it etc) doesn't do wonders for my mental health.
The usual pattern in my life is as soon as the slightest good thing happens, or even just a shift in my mental health (say motivation comes from somewhere and I really start to put plans into action) - something much worse happens that forces me back into my abyss. Except, it gets deeper and deeper every time. I'll spare you several examples.
So upon my realisation that I was probably "parentified", that my mom is far too reliant on me as a second breadwinner and that I am functionally her husband - I wrote her a letter saying I was pulling the plug on all that, that they all needed to learn how to live without relying on me because I don't even want kids and don't see why I am supporting adults when I don't even live there at the moment. I was going to express that they are fundamentally holding me back and that it has to and would stop.
Unfortunately, before I could finish that letter, mom calls to say she was diagnosed with cancer. Now this too would be somehow my issue to fix cause my brother though working always made less than me and he was extremely unwilling to take care of mom. Even to just take her to doctors appointments he couldn't be bothered to do, preferring to just work instead. While I was abroad I had to ask my friends and mom had to ask her friends for that kind of support and I eventually hired a caregiver that I sent money back home (in addition to my usual financial aid). Eventually it would come to pass that mom would need chemo and the possibility she may not survive. I was afraid to come home lest all the burden of this naturally high stress situation fell on me - but at the same time what if she doesn't make it and I never saw her again?
I couldn't afford a roundtrip airfare and the arrangement with my job was if I terminated at the end of my contract without renewing I could go home at my employer's expense. I decided to quit and come home after a less than hopeful conversation with my mom's oncologist. This meant financially we'd be reliant on mom's regular burdened by debt income, her insurance and my brother's income (this never happened btw) to get by since I am now jobless.
What I feared happening happened exactly AND more! Not only did the caregiver I hired eventually walk off the job which made me mom's primary caregiver, her nurse, her chauffer, personal assistant and courier. I also became the housekeeper, the shot caller, the household manager, the cook, the plumber... you get the idea. On top of that, my brother would be a regular thorn in the side because he would throw tantrums when I needed the car to do things for mom (mom and I own the car but mom started to let him drive it while I was away since he recently got his license). He was highly uncooperative with handling his own personal responsibilities (eg taking care of his cats), as well as anything where I would need extra help with mom. My grandma also would complicate things ( she has always been a narcistic bitch and no one in the family likes her but mom insists she has to stay cause mom is a pushover - you see who I get it from yes. Grandma would actively compete with my mom for pity points, faking sickness, deliberately making herself sick, exerting herself unnecessarily to then feign weakness and guilt trip me - all because she wanted the same attention that I gave the cancer patient.
Mom too, would put me under emotional duress cause in all this she also wanted me to do everything and be happy about it even if I had to pretend. She would start to make demands, oddly specific meal requests of someone who does not cook at all, demand having access to me at all times of day, and if I were to take free time out of the house by myself, she would insist I need to do something for the house or for her while I was out esp if I was going to use her car (the car we both own, that when we bought she told me it was mine and the car that is officially willed to me - yes that one). We also had several arguments where I learned she always thought that cause I was the "smart one" she expected that I could be fully left to my devices and I'd turn out fine and she could rely on me to take care of my deadbeat, driven-less, lazy, lonely, woman-blaming incel and approaching sexually deviant brother after she eventually passes. Cause she is confident that he may never learn to fully adult. And she is likely right by her own fault was she coddles him and shields him from every form of consequence of his action or inaction and is very hesitant about any kind of tough love for him but when it comes to me - even with the slightest of things/benefits she will quickly withhold because "I am inherently more privileged" than he is.
In all of this, my friends when I reach out for support never want to show up. They don't want to deal with any of my problems. No one wants to let me stay even for a week to get a break from my household. Most of them anyway I can't even trust cause they see me as their scapegoat for female touch and affection and since I am no longer willing to pity their loneliness they have gone extremely cold and some try to skirt around touching me inappropriately when they're around me.
Now, I also live in a poor country where pay is always shit. I still only have a bachelors in something that pays extra shit at entry level esp in my country. Peers in my country have very different interests than me usually which is how I am still with the same circle of misfits I have from high school as friends. There's not really anything to do at home that interests me - career wise or entertainment wise. Which is why getting out was such a high priority. But as you can see that's always been and continues to be put on the back burner.
Now that mom is doing much better, its back to looking at exiting cause I will not ever feel better if I stay in this house or even in that country. And my family can thank themselves for finally pushing me to the point where I really don't care what happens to them once I am confidently gone.
So I have shit family, shit friends, no job, my family is actively trying to strip me of any kind of power or leverage with what I do own, changing the conversation as necessary if it means I stay trapped. All because I unfortunately expressed that I want out and that I am not of the opinion that family is everything or blood is thicker than water. Once I get a job, it probably won't pay well enough to rent and apparently the car I part own isn't really mine while I live in my mom's house (which is also legally, partially mine) by her logic. Public transit is very expensive, so if I rent without a car that's even more money I'd have to make. I'd also have to accept the risks that come with public transit in a murder-loving country esp a murder-against-women-loving country vs just brute forcing the mental trauma of staying at that pitiful excuse of a home.
This was a lot longer than planned and if you read all of that, thank you. Sincerely. If you have any tips on how to cope in a high stress, high pressure environment besides hobbies, meditation and exercise - enlighten me. If you skipped to the end, I am not doing a TLDR. I will just wish you blessings and I hope that your life is on a better trend than mine ever was.

Ok, So I've decided to speak my final peace and be done even thinking about this shit considering I'm pretty sure you have a new man anyways. It'll be long, so.. Read it or not. I've gotta do it. Lots you've heard over and over. Some maybe not. But, here goes..
L,
I TRULY, ONLY, ever wanted what is absolute best for you. I've only ever wanted you to be happy. And i hate that it couldn't be "us" that did that for you. That being said. I still don't even truly know what to believe. I don't know what was real, What wasn't. Given everything that happened and the way it happened and noticing more things as i go back and watch our vod. It truly seems to me like you weren't even that into me the whole time. Unless it had to do with anything sexual. And I'm beginning to believe even that may have been an act. I don't think we were real to you. I think that you came here just to distract me from the truth. And I'm sorry that didn't work out for you.
I do, however. HIGHLY regret talking to you the way i did. Even given what you did and what you were doing. I should've just walked away instead of letting my temper get the best of me and Yelling and name calling like i did. I'm far too old for that shit and I was acting like a child. I do acknowledge the fact that some of the things I've said out of pure anger and pain could have very well hurt your feelings. And this is my final, yet, VERY sincere apology for acting in such ways. I regret it every day. Not a day goes by that i don't. I was just hurt. VERY hurt. I think a lot more hurt than you'll ever realize, or even care to. I just wanted you to do right by me so bad. I knew what was happening. I knew the mistakes we were both making before, during, and the aftermath that was to come. And i was so MAD at you for not listening to me knowing how i felt about you and knowing how honest i really have been with you. I was telling you the whole time that you were showing loyalty to someone else over me. And that's not what you're supposed to do in a relationship. It's supposed to be you and your person against the world. And i felt like it was you and them, against me. While i DO regret how I've acted. I do not regret the intent and my reasoning behind acting such ways. Because just like i told you. It was indeed, The only way i knew how to fight for us and try to talk some since into you from so far away. I was trying to get you to treat me right and give me the same respect I'd given you. To this day, I have nothing hidden from you. I always to the truth, No matter how hard, or afraid for any reason i may have been. Even if i lied at first. I myself always came to you with the 100% truly and i gave you proof in ways leaving you no room to doubt as reassurance i was doing just that.
I'll say it again, stop listening to you friend. If he was any friend at all. As SOON as you told him you were in love with somebody he would stop communicating everyday all day. Because in the real world.. Communicating like you two do will always put some sort of doubt into your partners mind rather it be subconsciously or well conscious and expressed clearly. In a relationship. It is NOT ok to send the types of pictures you sent to him given your past be "dating" or "fuck buddies" whatever you were. And him clearly stating to you that he will ALWAYS "have the hots for you" (that's hitting on you, in case you didn't know). And it is NOT ok to talk about playing with yourself nor your sex life with your partner to somebody whose been such in your life of the opposite sex. Therapists being the exception. Idc what anyone says about how much they trust their partner, Things like this will cause issues. Pretty sure it's a universal boundary unless you're in an open relationship. Which we'd clearly stated was not our case. So, you knew better. And so did he. So if he was truly your friend, He would've well understood if you politely told him you'd crossed boundaries that were not ok and wished not to continue talking like you did. A every now and then "check in" or "catch up" is fine. And i told you that as well. But you'd proven you could not be trusted conversing with this person as you were. I feel like i asked nothing outrageous or unfair given the circumstances of this situation. Specially considering the photos sent, passing up plenty of appropriate photos that would've gotten the same point across.
Now, he used an analogy with me once. " If the police came knocking at your door asking to come inside and look around, just to clear you as a suspect. And you had ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to hide and you were COMPLETELY INNOCENT. and they didn't have a warrant, just wanted to clear your name. would you let them in?" I said "Yes, why wouldn't I? I'm innocent and have nothing to hide. I let them in and they see that.. my name is cleared and they see I'm innocent. Therefore, leaving me alone"
He called me crazy as fuck and said he absolutely would not. He's rebellious for no reason. He's the type that ends up getting shot during a traffic stop just for being an idiot and making himself look like hes up to no good even if hes not up to shit.
Now, I understand we as humans deserve our privacy. 100% agree with that. But, You also have to understand that.. like I've said, It's situational. If I'm COMPLETELY INNOCENT and have nothing to hide.. I don't and will never mind giving up a tad bit of privacy for a brief moment to prove so. SPECIALLY when it's for somebody i love and to prove to them that even though I've agreed and they have every right to think something. I'm innocent and they have nothing to worry about. I'd show them anything they wanted to see, given i was innocent... that is. Even if I'd had enough and was leaving anyways.. I'd do it just for them. Because i loved them and wanted them to know even though we're done. I was good to them and they will never have to question it. Not to mention... It would just make them look dumb for blaming me and i could show them anything proving they were wrong lol
He knew what he was telling you made you look guilty, Everyone knew and even you said not showing it made you look guilty. So there's only ONE reason i STILL have NOT seen it. And....well... LMAO
Anyways...
Regardless if anything was EVER real on your part. Which it doesn't seem like it was. Considering everything. Specially how you knew my current life outside of us and how it was going. And you knew my past and how EVERYONE has hurt me. You continued to do so, Having the power to AT LEAST give me a little peace of mind. Or AT LEAST a little clarity. You were leaving anyways. It wouldn't have hurt you. But, You still seen how you were making me feel, and the things you were making me question. And CHOSE to do NOTHING. I wouldn't do what you did to me to you, EVER. Because i loved you. Hell I wouldn't do a STRANGER the way you did me. Just to be honest. But i get it, honestly. You COULDN'T tell the truth or show it. Because you were scared I'd tell his wife. And some of my other "friends" knew too and were keeping it from me. And your bad advice friend, wouldn't let you. Even though you say he had no influence. I know he told you he wouldn't be your friend anymore if you showed me. Once again showing loyalty to another person over me.. Telling me i was the love of your life.
I loved you. With all of me. I would never tell you something i think about do you any harm. I'll ALWAYS have your best interest at heart. ALWAYS. Even given everything that's happened and you making me out to be the bad guy. Read back through it all bbygirl. Even when i was asking you to prove things. I was telling you then i wanted you to prove what i was seeing wasn't true and i WANTED us to work. I was just seeing too much.
But, I guess me still proving up until now you could TRUST ME. And that I LOVE YOU. And that I'm loyal to YOU. Isn't and never will be good enough for you to tell everyone else to fuck off. Look at what actually happened and how long i was still there. And Bring your ass HOME.
last time I'll ever say this. I didn't care what the truth was. I never did. You're the only person I've ever considered an open relationship, JUST to keep you. So i didn't really care that you may or may not have fucked him... or him... or anyone else for that matter. I've been shitty in my day. Beyond shitty. I'm not here to judge you. What i DID, CARE about. Was you hiding things from me. Was you lying to me. Was you telling me you loved me and being loyal to somebody who not only did you say you didn't give a fuck about.. But threw you STRAIGHT under the bus and gave you up to try and save himself. ALL you had to do... was show me ONCE AND FOR ALL. after EVERYTHING... That you were down to ride for ME. THE TRUTH... And i would've worked with you through anything. I loved you like that.
But, too late now i guess. I tried my absolute hardest. Came here talking shit out of anger bc I'm STILL mad at you for messing up and running instead of fixing it. For breaking us both apart. i wasn't innocent.. But my GOD L. That shit was overkill. I've never been so dirty :(
Learn from this. So that with this guy.. You don't make the same mistakes. And you can be happy. Take my advice.. I PROMISE it'll last A LOT longer than we did. And you deserve to be happy. And that little one of yours deserves a father figure to love her like she was his. Don't settle for less.
I love ya, dork.
This is mys LAST, LAST letter to you.
BC i think it was all fake anyways. No way all the shit I've seen and how you were towards the end, was it not. NOT POSSIBLE. Because like i said. I actually loved you. And there's no amount of money nor evil that could make me do you how you did me in the end. period.
Take it easy,