30F
Running history
Ran cross country in high school. 4K PR 17:29 (7:02/mile), 3 mile PR 22:03 (7:21/mile). I didn't do any training in the off season.
Annoyingly, I never actually raced a 5K during high school cross country. We did one three mile race each year, the rest of our races were 4K's.
Started running again April 2023 to train for a sprint triathlon.
Mileage by Month Graph
https://imgur.com/a/TRItqf8
Race results

Month	Race Type	Time	Weather	Notes
April 2023	5K	27:23 (8:48/mile average)	30 degrees, 17 mph NW wind, 86% humidity	Negative splits. Felt good, didn't take this too seriously.
June 2023	3 miles	23:01 (7:40/mile average)	70 degrees, 7 mph S wind, 56% humidity	Positive splits. Very hard, didn't feel great.
August 2023	5k, part of a sprint triathlon	23:23 (7:31/mile average)	70 degrees, cloudy, 3 mph wind NW, 73% humidity	Negative splits. Hard but felt good. Garmin measured this course as short. Garmin 5K time is 23:53 (I kept running after crossing the finish).
November 2023	5 mile trail	42:27 (8:29/mile average)	39 degrees, 14 mph SSE wind, 65% humidity	Positive splits. Very hard. Garmin recorded this as 5.20 miles. Took three week off from training in September due to a vacation.

May 2024 Goal 5K
After the November five miler, I settled on a new goal: beat my high school running performance. I decided to define this as running a 5K at a pace equivalent to my three mile PR in high school. This equals a 5K time of 22:35.
In December, I added kettlebell strength training twice a week. I upped my mileage and ran six days a week. Generally, I ran three easy six mile days, one easy 8 mile, one easy long run between 10-14 miles, and two workouts a week. The workouts were usually one hill, and the other was usually tempo or intervals. Generally my typical easy running pace was anywhere from 9:20-10:30/mile. I probably ran some intervals and hills too hard. I also didn't dedicate enough time to warm ups or cool downs.Garmin VO2 max increased to 52 in December and 53 in March. Finally, I signed up for a May 2024 5K race.
Last 11 weeks of weekly mileage: 44, 45, 47, 46, 20 (vacation), 42, 41, 38, 28, 29 (vacation half this week), 18 (vacation half this week).
I mostly avoided injury. There was a week I did two hard workouts on consecutive days, and that left my knee hurting for about a week, but thankfully I recovered. I also occasionally struggled with a side stitch/pain on my right side.
Lessons learned: it got really hard to prioritize running and workouts during vacation, and as the weather got nicer in my area I started to get busier too. I think my training peaked too early and tapered off too strongly.
I did get a Garmin 5K PR of 23:26 on a 4/30 training run which left me feeling confident. The workout was 5 1K's with two minute rest in between, and I ran the 1K's at the following paces: 7:11, 7:07, 7:00, 6:55, 6:42. However, a different workout the next week left me demoralized after it was much harder than I anticipated.
Race Day
The few days leading up to the race, I was quite nervous. A big concern of mine was peeing my pants. This happened during my high school three mile PR. At that time I was also on my period, so I was hoping to write off the experience as a weird one off related to menstruation. I was also quite worried about getting a debilitating side stitch, as that happened during one of my last few training runs. I focused on drinking a lot of water in the few days leading up to the race, as I theorized the side stitch came on due to dehydration. I slept well the week of the race.
Race day weather: 65 degrees, 12 mph SSE wind, 73% humidity.
Woke up at 6:30 AM and ate some bites of sweet potato and a smoothie made from tart cherries, beets, and cocoa. Listened to the Kendrick-Drake diss tracks to pump me up. I leisurely biked the three miles to the start of the race. I ran 3/4 of a mile for a warm up and did some dynamic movements to warm up. Used the porta potty twice, including just minutes before the race. Had to cut through nearly a thousand people to get near the start. Race started at 8:45 AM.
I decided to aim for a pace of 7:08 and see how that felt. I chose this pace mostly based on the 5 1000 meter workout I did a few weeks before. I ended the first mile at 7:07. It felt hard but manageable. Same for the second mile, where I ended at 7:08.
However, I fell apart a bit during the third mile. I really slowed down for about 2 minutes and 15 seconds, bottoming out at a pace of 8:15 per mile. Seeing that really demoralized me. My breathing was labored, and I started to feel a pain on my right side and general stomach discomfort. I was able to bring up my pace for a minute, but then I had another slower minute. During this time, there were two runners ahead of me. I think one was coaching the other - and she started to encourage me too. I sped up to run with them and stayed with them for a few minutes. I ran past some friends who were cheering me on, and I couldn't even manage a smile or to notice their sign. I ended the third mile with a split of 7:28. My husband was following along via bike and he could tell I really struggled in that third mile. He said it looked like I wasn't breathing and he could hear me gasping for air.
I didn't think it was possible, but once my watch buzzed for the third mile, I surged. Maybe it was desperation for the race to be over. My pace the last .10 of the mile was 6:34. I started to feel something strange in the pelvic region, but kept my pace.
Time: 22:34
Once I crossed the finish line, I peed. Couldn't control it at all. It felt like it was more than a leakage, but it also didn't dribble down my leg.
I felt terrible for a good 10-15 minutes. had to lay down. Really wanted to just sit on a toilet, but since my only option was the porta potty, I declined. Suddenly though, I felt better. I regained my strength, cheered on a friend who was finishing a longer race, and was to have a busy Saturday complete with another 17 miles of (leisurely) biking.
Soreness was minimal. Saturday I swore that was my last race.
Now I'm thinking, how do I get below 22 minutes? I think I'll aim for a fall race and trail using a Pfitzinger plan.
but first - I shall find a pelvic floor PT.

I met him. We met twice. I did it. Once in december, then in march. He hates me talking to other men, so only my girls know.. It was the most beautiful experience I have ever lived. It was so natural, everything felt like I belonged. His clothes, his car, his scent. He is and was my home. If only union would last forever. We have guessed each other’s thoughts, we have cried in each other’s arms and asked each other for forgiveness. If only union would last forever.
It’s May now. And we are shattered. I have cried the whole day. I can’t reach out to anyone for comfort. It’s just me, myself and I. I’m so painfully loyal to his desires, it’s the way i show my love. I’m crying as I write this. Because I realise, it doesn’t matter how much I love him. I can’t save him from the lessons. He found yet another karmic person as soon as I returned to my country. One by one, another month another one, as I shatter more and more inside. Sometimes, I just wish I didn’t exist anymore. That’s the update.
I finally made it. I met him. And no, meeting him did not magically make him learn all the lessons. But yes, past Antonia. You met him. You did it. We did it. And you also found out why it had to be so late, and how you had to be another version of you, to be able to reach this point. Just as perhaps one day, you’ll be the version of you alined with divine union

So boyfriend and I have been dating for 2 years. It’s been very good and we are very much on the same page with our future and what we want, house, kids etc. We make over $250K per year and equally split, we work very hard career wise and being financially set was important for both of us. Boyfriend and I have lived separately throughout our relationship but I’ve put in my notice to leave my apartment July 1st. Plan is to move in together, either at his or move into a rental home temporarily until we buy a home together. Id be happy to buy right away but I’m also fine to wait another year and experience living together first.
Here’s where it gets interesting- boyfriend has younger sister that moved in with him in September. She hasn’t been successful holding a job in the past, has some serious mental health issues (depression, anxiety, PTSD) has no education and has a 65 lb dog. Originally this situation was temporary to allow her to get back on her feet - look for a job or apply to a diploma program or something to get ahead in life. We were thinking by March she should be able to move out.
Here it is almost June, sister just started a minimum wage job working 15-20 hours a week. She has no savings and spends whatever money she makes on vapes, cigarettes, junk food and dog supplies. She pays no rent nor does she split groceries that my boyfriend and I have supplied since September. I help buy dog food and fill her car with gas, etc. I’ve done what I can to improve her life and make sure she was welcome and comfortable, as I spend a lot of time at my boyfriends and truly wanted to help her feel less stressed financially so she could focus on what she wanted to do for work or school. I would chat with her all the time about opportunities or programs. She spent all of winter not working and not leaving the apartment, severely depressed. We paid for her gym membership and took her with us whenever we could etc. I really feel that we did all we could to help her out. She has a therapist and medication and social supports, etc. I don’t see her being able to be successful on her own any time soon, the rental market in our area is expensive and a minimum wage part time job is not going to cut it. Also many rentals do not allow a larger dog.
I’m wondering what to do here. This sister situation has been a huge roadblock in my relationship with my boyfriend and our future and our chance to move forward. They live in a 2 bedroom suite, so there isn’t really room for me to move in, nor do I really want to in the current situation. It’s tight and honestly I’m so used to having more privacy and space at mine. I really crave one on one alone time with my boyfriend and we have sacrificed it so much to make her feel welcome and help her life improve.
My boyfriend and I are both financially ready to buy a house and move forward but we are now tied to being financially and personally responsible for this sister. The parents are struggling financially and health wise so they cannot take on this daughter of theirs. We have decided she and the dog are moving with us in this next chapter of either renting or buying a house.
I do recognize this situation may improve when we all have more space and maybe a basement for her to have her own area. However, I do not want to become resentful for a dependant I did not ask to be responsible for? I do not want to be resentful for not having the opportunity to live alone with my boyfriend and work on our relationship. I want a family and I also want to fully enjoy this next chapter of life we have both worked and saved for so long for!
How do I best set boundaries or a time frame to help this sister move on and live independently?
I fear we have made it to comfortable that she has no desire to pay her own rent or groceries, let alone live a full filling life of her own.

Is there anywhere online you recommend using premade lesson plans for class? I’m new to instructing Pilates and I’ve been recycling the same couple of exercises and I’m ready to learn more. I was hoping to get some lesson plans to spark some inspiration in me for what goes super well, and learn some new moves

Hi all! Long time lurker, but my first post. 25M. I’m in the process of saving up for a wedding ring and am curious as to the best saving v. investment vehicle to park the funds until I pull the trigger. I’m able to save roughly 40% of my gross income (including maxing out my 401k and backdoor Roth) and am looking to spend about 15-20k on a ring (closer to 15)
I just built out my emergency fund after starting a new job in January, maxed last year’s Roth IRA because my income was still eligible (grad student), and am now focused on saving for a ring before I divert my attention in a few months onto saving for a down payment/longer term investing again.
Currently, my emergency fund is in a HYSA earning 4.6% and I have a few brokerage accounts in broad index funds (VOO, QQQM, etc.). I plan on buying a ring in the next year (probably around next February/March), but am saving up the cash to be on the safe side. Because I don’t expect to use these funds immediately, is it worth the risk/reward of putting it in the market and gaining 7-10%+ or losing it all lol, OR is a HYSA a better vehicle because this is still relatively short term?
TIA. I’m also sure it will come up, but gross base pay is $18,800 a month, net pay $11,000, and expected bonus of 20-25k in December. This is not to flex, rather to illustrate the runway for saving is likely only 3-4 months

Lesson 18: The Star's Hope and The Star Card
Our journey through the Tarot now leads us to The Star, a card symbolizing hope, inspiration, and the promise of a brighter future. Let's explore themes of optimism, healing, and the alignment with cosmic energies.
Discussion Questions: 1. How do you currently approach situations that require optimism and hope? 2. Reflect on a time when a sense of hope led to personal healing. What practices or perspectives contributed to this sense of renewal? 3. In what ways can you connect with cosmic energies and envision a brighter future for yourself?
Guided Meditation: Visualize a star-filled sky, representing the vast potential and possibilities in your life. Feel the energy of hope and inspiration surrounding you. Explore the thoughts and feelings that arise during this visualization.
Exercise 18: Pull The Star card and reflect on areas where hope is needed. Identify aspects of your life where inspiration can lead to healing. Create a plan to approach these situations with optimism, documenting your experiences and the positive changes that unfold.

Lesson 8: The Chariot's Triumph and The Chariot Card
Our exploration of the Tarot now leads us to The Chariot, a card embodying triumph, determination, and the journey towards victory. Let's delve into the themes of perseverance, self-control, and the pursuit of goals.
Discussion Questions: 1. How do you currently approach challenges and obstacles in your life? 2. Reflect on a time when determination and self-discipline led to success. What lessons did you learn? 3. In what areas of your life do you feel the need for increased focus and control?
Guided Meditation: Picture yourself riding The Chariot, a symbol of your journey towards victory. Feel the determination and focus propelling you forward. Explore the emotions and sensations associated with this imagery.
Exercise 8: Pull The Chariot card and reflect on your current goals. Identify challenges that may arise and create a plan to overcome them. Journal about your journey towards triumph, acknowledging the strength within you.

We were in a four year relationship. Broke up last June. Lots of high points, but a lot of negativity and resentment on my part. He is, for lack of a better term, a workaholic. Meanwhile, I was a straight up alcoholic. He works 60+ hour weeks and has aging parents. I always felt like I was competing for his time. It opened a lot of abandonment trauma wounds, which I self-medicated with alcohol.
I went to rehab in August. In September he sent me a kind gift and letter of support. This March I sent him the gift (I'd made last April) that I'd been planning on giving him for Christmas (didn't want him feeling obliged to get me anything). A few weeks ago he sent a thank you alongside a really beautiful floral arrangement.
Am I wrong to assume he'd be receptive to me reaching out to reconnect in person?
He lives just a few blocks over from me, and I've long considered asking him if he'd like to just walk, talk, and catch up. Would via letter be sufficient? Texting was often a point of contention between the both of us, as it was his least prefered method of communication. Would prefer to not open that can of worms again if it's not necessary to do so.
At the end of the day, I miss his company. I'd still like to be there for him as a friend. I've since become close with my new neighbors, and I know how hard it can be as an adult to have people you can count on and support in return.
tl;dr - Together 4 years, ended things amicably last year. If he's communicated with me via letter, and sent gifts since, would it be safe to reach out asking to catch up?

For context I 18yF have not had the smoothest time during highschool, i have struggled with numerous mental health issues and trauma and i’m very proud that i actually am graduating. My mom on the other hand doesn’t believe in mental illness and has never helped me through anything i’ve been thru. She is a good mom i will say and most of the time my best friend, but when it comes to my senior year she made it about her.
Ex;When prom came around she begged me to go so she could have pictures to post on her facebook, i refused because i had switched to our online program at the school given i had 1 credit left. I mostly did this because all of my friends did too and i essentially didn’t like anyone at my school, also to work. She cried over it when i said why wouldn’t i just go hangout with my friends than pay 1000’s of dollars just to be miserable.(Again she made it about her)
My mom peaked in highschool and was popular and did dance and had LOTS of friends, i like to keep to myself and don’t enjoy school tied sports although i did play sports growing up outside of it.
It is now the last week of my senior year and i graduate on saturday, i am very proud of myself and excited although i’m dreading the party. When we began planning on about march-april she began making invitations, i had told her i only wanted our family and my friends and maybe some extra people i care about. She decided to invite 60+ people of which i have either only met once or never have without me knowing. They are all her friends or friends of friends, i mean seriously this is MY GRAD. She even decided to buy decorations in the color she wants. I’m very privileged to be able to have a grad party but it’s being over done quite a bit. I told her numerous times over the past month i didn’t want a huge party because i get overwhelmed in that setting but she invites them anyways, i didn’t want it to be huge just a small celebration with people i actually know. It has now turned into an old people soirée instead of an 18 year old grad party. Also, i have to change my playlist i made (6 hours long) because she doesn’t want her people to think of our family badly when if i just invited the people i wanted we wouldn’t have this issue and i could fully be myself. AITAH for being upset about this ??? Help me out please 😭

I've been on the long long journey to get diagnosed and after finally finding a rheumatologist the specializes in spondyloarthropies.... I had an appointment in March but my gallbladder decided to try and kill me, I had to reschedule and finally had my appointment today, he said he'd update my chart after his case review with the radiologist tomorrow and then get an order in for biologic after all my labs came back.
I had no idea I'd be walking out with a treatment plan! The last rheumatologist I saw told me to get an MRI, 6 weeks of PT, and a colonoscopy and see him again in 4 months. But I probably had AS, and gave me a prescription for indomethacin amd said I probably shouldn't stay on it for too long.
The rheumatologist today said he hasn't had luck getting insirance companies to approve Humira, but first line is a biosimilar l, which, at this point I don't even care. But looking at the price, they're just as expensive, if I get a pre-auth.
They still count as a Tier 4 with my insurance so it looks like it'll cost around $650/mo.
How do people afford this??? Like, awesome. I was given a treatment option, but I maxed out my health savings on surgery this year and even though I hit my medical OOP, I didn't hit my pharmacy out of pocket maximum, soooooo that's another $2500, and I just don't have that laying around since my husband d got laid off a few months ago.
How does anyone afford to be this sick?

Fascism has a number of essential characteristics but the most distinct is palingenetic ultranationalism: The myth that the nation is an organic body composed of a downtrodden but authentic "common people" who have been betrayed, victimized, and derived of land and money by out-groups (especially Jews, LGBT folks, immigrants, and liberals), and the nation must be reborn and grown larger, phoenix-like, from the ashes of its downtrodden state through the cleansing fire of violence against those out-groups and their allies (especially their allies among the "common people") and the seizure of their land and property, regardless of how many "common people" must be sacrificed in this process of violent "purification"
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Palingenetic_ultranationalism
Palestinian nationalism has all these definitional features. Its central myth is that "the Palestinians" (whose language, Arabic, lacks the letter P) have been betrayed, oppressed, and deprived of their land and money by Jews, and "Palestine" must be reborn and grown larger, phoenix-like, from the ashes of its current corrupt theocracy through the cleansing fire of violence against Jews, LGBT people, and liberals (especially liberal Arabs who believe in co-existence with Jews and LGBT people), and all those who support them, regardless of how many human shields, child soldiers, and hospitals with bunkers underneath them must be sacrificed in this process of purification
This Palestinian ideological mythos entirely reverses victim and perpetrator
In the real world, there is an extensive and well corroborated archeological record (starting with the Merneptah Stele) showing the continuous residence of the indigenous Jewish inhabitants in the land between the river and the sea, but that Stele alone independently establishes their presence for at least the last 3200 years
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Merneptah_Stele
In contrast, the Arab-Israeli conflict started relatively recently, with the battle of Tel Hal on March 1st 1920, when an Arab militia attacked the Jewish-owned farms at Tel Hal in an attempt to find French soldiers, eventually burning it to the ground. Prior to that there was no organized violence between Arabs and Israelis in the region:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Battle_of_Tel_Hai
The next incident in the Arab-Israel conflict was the Nebi Musa riots a month later, on April 8th 1920, when Amin al-Husayni (who later allied with the Nazis and was a big fan of Hitler) gave an incendiary speech from the balcony of the Arab Club, kicking off what resulted in an Muslim mob of around 60,000 ransacking of the Jewish quarter of Jerusalem:
https://www.palquest.org/en/historictext/6709/palin-commission-report
That's what started the war. It started with Arab people committing mob violence against Jewish people and that has never stopped to this day. Genocide is what Nazi and Communist-inspired Arab mobs and armies have repeatedly tried to do to the indigenous Jewish people of the land between the river and the sea, starting from the 1920 Nebi Musa riots, and continuing on through 1948, 1967, 1973, 1982, 1987, 2000, and most recently on October 7th
They keep trying to eradicate Jewish people off the land their ancestors lived in continuously for thousands of years, they keep getting their asses kicked every time they try it, and they deserve it every time they do
This makes sense when you understand the history of the region, and how Arab-ness was imposed by force (along with Islam) by multiple relatively historically recent waves of conquering Muslim settler-colonists
The Ottoman Empire was the culmination of those waves of Muslim settler-colonists, and after World War I it collapsed and in much of the Middle East was followed by Pan-Arab nationalism, which was a remarkably Nazi project. The founder of modern Palestinian religious nationalism (Amin al Husseini) was a close ally and personal friend of Hitler
https://time.com/4084301/hitler-grand-mufi-1941/
https://www.timesofisrael.com/full-official-record-what-the-mufti-said-to-hitle
After waging and escalating series of genocidal pogroms against the indigenous Jewish people (culminating in their alliance with the Nazis in World War II) and getting their asses kicked, Palestinian nationalism (as distinct from pan-Arab nationalism) emerged a fundamentally Soviet project
That is not an exaggeration. 100 years ago most people in the region defined themselves as Ottoman, by their village, or by their religion. Arab nationalism is a relatively new socially constructed weapon, made up by unambiguous fascists (like Sati Al-Husri, Abdulrahman Badawi, and Amin al-Husseini) and communists (like Fawaz Taraboulsi or Suhayl Idris) to mobilize hate against and justify the murder of their imperfect but much more reasonable democratic enemies (who also happened by the enemies of the Nazis and Soviets)
https://www.tabletmag.com/sections/israel-middle-east/articles/liberation-arabs-global-left
Palestinian nationalism, as opposed to Arab nationalism, was created by the KGB after the repeated defeats of the USSR's Arab-nationalist proxies in 1948 and 1967. The blueprint for the PLO Charter was drafted in Moscow in 1964 and was approved by 422 Palestinian representatives hand-selected by the KGB. At that time, the USSR was in the business of creating "people’s liberation" fronts. The KGB founded the PLO as well as the National Liberation Army of Bolivia in 1964 led by Ernesto "Che" Guevara, and the National Liberation Army of Colombia in 1965
The “Palestinian Liberation Army” was contrived by the KGB, much like the KGB devised the Bolivian National Liberation Army, Greek People's Liberation Army, Malayan National Liberation Army, etc etc. It created this Arab army in the early 1960s following the failure of the troops of various Soviet-puppet-ruled Arab states to destroy Israel. The KGB drafted the Palestinian National Charter and handpicked the 422 members of the PLO council that approved it. As the KGB's director said at the time, "We needed to instill a Nazi-style hatred for the Jews throughout the Islamic world, and to turn this weapon of the emotions into a terrorist bloodbath against Israel". Likewise, both the Palestine National Covenant and Palestinian Constitution were drafted in Moscow
https://stanfordreview.org/deception-palestinian-nationalism/
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Soviet_involvement_in_regime_change
The most popular Palestinian faction currently, Hamas, pointedly opposes multi-ethnic pluralistic democracy. That's what Israel already is and they hate it. Hamas also explicitly opposes a two-state solution, wants to expel and murder Jews, and impose an Islamic theocracy by force
The founding covenant of Hamas, which they created their terrorist organization around in 1988, opens with a message that precisely encapsulates Hamas’s master plan. Quoting Hassan al-Banna, the Egyptian founder of the Muslim Brotherhood, of which Hamas is a constituent member (Article 2), the document proclaims, “Israel will exist and will continue to exist until Islam will obliterate it, just as it obliterated others before it.”
After some general explanatory language about Hamas’s religious foundation and noble intentions, the covenant comes to the Islamic Resistance Movement’s raison d’être: the slaughter of Jews. “The Day of Judgement will not come about,” it proclaims, “until Moslems fight the Jews, when the Jew will hide behind stones and trees. The stones and trees will say O Moslems, O Abdulla, there is a Jew behind me, come and k-ll him.”
Article 11 spells out why this annihilation of Jews is required. Palestine is described as an “Islamic Waqf”—an endowment predicated on Muslim religious, education, or charitable principles and therefore inviolate to any other peoples or religions. Accordingly, the territory that now encompasses Israel, Gaza, and the West Bank is:
consecrated for future Moslem generations until Judgement Day. It, or any part of it, should not be squandered: it, or any part of it, should not be given up … This Waqf remains as long as earth and heaven remain. Any procedure in contradiction to Islamic Sharia, where Palestine is concerned, is null and void.
In sum, any compromise over this land, including the moribund two-state solution, much less coexistence among faiths and peoples, is forbidden.
https://web.archive.org/web/20231010215457/https://www.theatlantic.com/international/archive/2023/10/hamas-covenant-israel-attack-war-genocide/675602/
And Hamas has the support of somewhere between 65-80% of the Palestinian people
https://www.awrad.org/en/article/10719/Wartime-Poll-Results-of-an-Opinion-Poll-Among-Palestinians-in-the-West-Bank-and-Gaza-Strip
To understand the Palestinian strategy in this latest phase of their forever war, see here:
How Hamas Uses Civilians as a Weapon - The Dark Side of Clausewitzian War
https://deadcarl.substack.com/p/how-hamas-uses-civilians-as-a-weapon
Both Palestinian leadership and street have repeatedly acting as willing pawns, first of the Nazis, then of the Soviets, and now of the contemporary fascist Axis that includes Russia, China, and Iran. The historical Palestinian embrace of Nazi, Soviet, Islamist, and modern Axis fascism (and their rejection of democracy and equal rights) only makes their rationale for doing do so, and the nature of their project, more clear
In this context, Biden's support for Israel should not be surprising. Palestinian-ism is fascist, and everyone who understands and opposes fascism should oppose it

We were in a four year relationship. Broke up last June. Lots of high points, but a lot of negativity and resentment on my part. He is, for lack of a better term, a workaholic. Meanwhile, I was a straight up alcoholic. He works 60+ hour weeks and has aging parents. I always felt like I was competing for his time. It opened a lot of abandonment trauma wounds, which I self-medicated with alcohol.
I went to rehab in August. In September he sent me a kind gift and letter of support. This March I sent him the gift (I'd made last April) that I'd been planning on giving him for Christmas (didn't want him feeling obliged to get me anything). A few weeks ago he sent a thank you alongside a really beautiful floral arrangement.
Am I wrong to assume he'd be receptive to me reaching out to reconnect in person?
He lives just a few blocks over from me, and I've long considered asking him if he'd like to just walk, talk, and catch up. Would via letter be sufficient? Texting was often a point of contention between the both of us, as it was his least prefered method of communication. Would prefer to not open that can of worms again if it's not necessary to do so.
At the end of the day, I miss his company. I'd still like to be there for him as a friend. I've since become close with my new neighbors, and I know how hard it can be as an adult to have people you can count on and support in return.

My ex (M28) and I(F26) were together for 1 1/2 years. The first year was fine. He became extremely codependent on me very fast. I’ve always been a vulnerable person so I blame myself for letting it happen. Long story short, we were together for a year after he decided he wanted to go to law school. His school was an hour away, so he moved up there to be closer. This was in August. I was finishing up my masters degree in October and my plan was to move up there. I let him take most of my furniture for his apartment thinking I would be there soon. The very first week he was there, he followed only women that were in his class. I will admit I was very insecure because he did not make our relationship very public, which is why I did the creeping. He posted a picture of me once in his insta, but this was after countless arguments. Fast forward to September. Things seemed off, we fought a lot. He didn’t have a car so I was the one driving to see him every weekend. My birthday weekend came along and he did nothing special for it. I actually drove him to get his new car on my birthday. We broke up a week later. We decided to get back together in December. He was home for break and I thought we could work things out. Fast forward to February, we had a big argument and he told me while we were broken up he started dating someone else. I didn’t think much of it, because we were broken up and I had no control over him. Although we stayed in contact the entire time we were broken up. I go to his apartment one weekend in march and I see the girls name that he had been seeing on his phone. He never stopped seeing her. I let her know, and turns out there was another girl as well that I let know too. They were supportive and told me everything I wanted to know. We went no contact after this. We decided we both needed to be alone. I was starting a new job, he had finals coming up. After his finals we decided to talk again. I thought we were on the path to fix things. He stayed with me one night and low and behold that same girls name popped up on his phone. They decided to get back together during the time we were broken up again. I confronted him and her about it. He reassured me that it meant nothing and I was his person and BEGGED me not to give up on him. I gave him another chance. I laid it all out and told him it was now or never and that I couldn’t do this anymore. A week later, I stay with him and see her name on his phone yet again. He shows me the messages and it was nothing about their relationship and he was just checking on her because her roof fell in on her house. I get upset, and then he blames it on me for looking at his phone. The next day he tells me he can’t be with me and that he has too many problems and that he is f*cked up in the head. When I broke down and cried to him he told me I was being selfish and was just trying to make him feel bad for what he had done. I also battle with mental health issues and he told me I was selfish to be depressed when I have a nice car, nice house, and a good job. He basically yelled and cussed me out for what he did. How do I handle this? How do I wrap my head around the fact that I dated this person for so long and cared for them so much, and they treat me this way? I’m not saying that I’m innocent in everything. I just do not understand. In the same breath that he yelled and cussed me out and told me I was selfish, he also told me I was perfect and he loved me and I did nothing wrong.
In retrospect I have noticed a lot of narcissistic qualities about him. He has even admitted to me that he cannot feel empathy towards others. I guess I should have ran then.
I’m so confused and sad. How would you handle this?

For starters, I live 5 minute drive away from my parents. Hubbies family live in another state. I'm an only child.
Everything has to be on their terms. If we don't go there we don't see them.
We both work full time with 4 kids. Every day except for Sunday is taken up with commitments, we are completely fine with the fact that this is our life for the foreseeable future (we don't expect "help" from them). We have about 2 hours per day that is free (ie wind down, organise the the next day, actually talk to each other etc.)
I don't want to go there, the kids are bored, their dog sucks, their house stinks. ADHD 6y/o starts destroying stuff, toddler can't go to sleep anywhere etc.
Passive agressive messages about "haven't seen you in ages", "I'm missing my grandchildren", no response when we suggest coming to our house, or alternative plans when we explain why 4pm on a Thursday doesn't work for us.
Starting to think some serious mental health issues might be going on. But they have no issues with visiting friends or extended family, or attending hobbies etc. outside of the house.
Ugh... emotionally draining and feeling guilt for something that shouldn't be taking up emotional brain space in my head.

Looking to see what repercussions I might face, if any, in this situation.
I moved about 1200 miles away from my home state last year with my children, their father lives in our home state still. We amended and agreed to a new parenting plan when I moved that gives him 6.5 weeks of visitation per year, the kids take unaccompanied minor flights, and we take turns paying for them.
I paid for their November flights, he (well, his gfs mom) paid for their December flights, I paid for their March flights, and he is supposed to be paying for their June flights.
The kids are supposed to leave on June 2nd and stay with him for three weeks, he hasn’t purchased the tickets yet. I understand there is still time, but if he doesn’t, is there any action that he can take against me for him not being able to see them?
The parenting plan clearly lays out the visitation times and dates, and who is responsible for purchasing tickets and when. I have held up my end of the agreement, he hasn’t. I offered to let him purchase one way tickets this time and I would finance the trip back myself, he still hasn’t purchased the tickets.
Legally speaking, if he tried to take this back to court, would not sending them on my own dime when he was responsible for travel arrangements this time look badly for me?

Looking to see what repercussions I might face, if any, in this situation.
I moved about 1200 miles away from my home state last year with my children, their father lives in our home state still. We amended and agreed to a new parenting plan when I moved that gives him 6.5 weeks of visitation per year, the kids take unaccompanied minor flights, and we take turns paying for them.
I paid for their November flights, he (well, his gfs mom) paid for their December flights, I paid for their March flights, and he is supposed to be paying for their June flights.
The kids are supposed to leave on June 2nd and stay with him for three weeks, he hasn’t purchased the tickets yet. I understand there is still time, but if he doesn’t, is there any action that he can take against me for him not being able to see them?
The parenting plan clearly lays out the visitation times and dates, and who is responsible for purchasing tickets and when. I have held up my end of the agreement, he hasn’t. I offered to let him purchase one way tickets this time and I would finance the trip back myself, he still hasn’t purchased the tickets.
Legally speaking, if he tried to take this back to court, would not sending them on my own dime when he was responsible for travel arrangements this time look badly for me?

Hi guys, I'm slowly going insane
I have had major abdominal surgery for peritoneal cancer on March 21st where my surgeon is sure everything got taken out. They took out anything that was remotely suspicious plus performed HIPEC and hysterectomy. I am ongoing chemotherapy and I have done one out of three planned so far (paclitaxel, carboplatinum).
Issue is, I have started developing strong back pains past two weeks along with signs of sciatica. Sometimes I'm not even able to walk and have been told by private physiotherapist that no one will look at me because I am oncology patient and it's too early to do exercises. I was given pain blockage along with Skudexa and have one week left to drink it. I am not allowed to continue Skudexa after two weeks.
I have called clinic after clinic, not wanting to call my oncologist since he is on holiday break. Most of them suggest I do magnetic resonance of back, but noone is able to tell me if I am allowed to do it while I am in chemotherapy process. As soon as I ask that question they tell me to wait for my hospital appointment which is 28.5. I am barely able to walk, pain is sometimes unbearable even with Skudexa and I feel helpless. I just want to pay and get it done ASAP.
Have any of you gone trough MR scans of anything during chemotherapy with contrast? Did you have any side effects?

Paramount: Deal Rumors Aside, What About The Operations? Can The Company Turn A Profit?
May 21, 2024 2:41 PM ET
Summary
Paramount Global remains my worst investment, but I still believe in its potential for success.
Paramount's "lack of scale" is not the reason for its underperformance as it spends about as much on content as industry leader Netflix.
Paramount's loss last year was largely the result of one-off writedowns, both domestically and internationally. These losses will not repeat going forward.
Paramount's streaming operation suffers not from lack of scale, but an abundance of overload waste, which may be alleviated under new management.
The sports slate remains best-in-class, and CBS is still the leader in broadcast scripted. CBS Television City in Los Angeles, Ca, USA. JHVEPhoto/iStock Editorial via Getty Images
Paramount Global (NASDAQ:PARA) (NASDAQ:PARAA) remains my worst investment. Let's just get that clear from the start. I said two years ago it was madness not to buy Paramount. That was wrong, wrong, wrong. The fact that I recommended against buying the new Warner Discovery at the same time, and heeding that warning saved a lot of money, makes me feel a little better, but not much.
And no, the fact that Warren Buffett made the exact same mistake as me doesn't help much, either. Mr. Buffett and I are about to part ways, anyway. He is now completely sold out of Paramount, while I am hanging in. Yes, I am still buying. Get all the ribbing out of your systems, and then read on.
Although a few rounds remain to be played in the game, it is no longer inconceivable that none of the various deal permutations that have been put forward for Paramount will pan out, and that it will continue as an independent company. Essentially, Redstone will block a deal with Apollo Global Management, Inc. (APO) and Sony Group Corporation (SONY) and the 'B' shareholders will litigate a Skydance deal to death.
Because so many Seeking Alpha articles are already offering a blow-by-blow analysis of the deal talks - and I absolutely encourage you to read them - I wanted to turn back for just a minute to a more in-depth look at Paramount's actual operations. If it stays independent, can it turn itself around?
Scale Is Not The Issue I'm angry. Usually, when an investment goes wrong, I can manage to be philosophical or even dispassionate about it. Risks of the trade, can't win 'em all, pick your maxim.
But this one is really getting to me. I'm sure part of that is simply the sheer amount of my portfolio that has suffered - I bet a lot more on Paramount than I did on my typical investment, so sure was I that it had the tools needed for success. Fortunately, some of my other media investments have worked out much, much better, or I'd really be hurting. In fact, my Netflix buy has repaired all the damage my Paramount buy has done.
Still, I'm unusually angry, partly because of the sheer amount lost. But it's also that I still don't believe there is anything wrong with Paramount, at its core. It has become quite commonplace to speak of Paramount's "lack of scale" as the reason for its apparent impending demise, or at least subsumption. But I would still argue that that isn't born out by the numbers. Paramount spent roughly $16 billion on content in 2023, the same total as 2022, when $4 billion of it was spent on streaming. That is only slightly less than Netflix, Inc. (NFLX) which leads the industry in market cap and performance, if not in spending. While the gap with other studio peers is larger, I'm not sure spending at Netflix levels equals a "lack of scale."
What's more, a lot of that extra spending by other traditional industry players like Warner Bros. Discovery, Inc. (WBD) and The Walt Disney Company (DIS) is not spending that investors should necessarily cheer. As I've explained before, Paramount's lower spending total is almost entirely accounted for by its far more profitable approach to sports rights; a lot of that extra spending that Disney and Warner are doing isn't particularly profitable or even sensible.
What then, does account for Paramount's underperformance?
Stock Performance That depends on which underperformance you're talking about. First, the stock price. Paramount cut its dividend in spring 2023. That announcement, with its Q1 earnings, was enough to cause half of the past-year decline in a single day. Paramount went from $21 to $16 with the dividend cut and was still at $16 as late as December.
Since then, the other half of the decline has reflected the increasing evidence that Paramount is more or less ready to throw in the towel, and intends to be a distressed seller to another studio or private equity firm soon. More specifically, it is actually Shari Redstone, who exercises control over Paramount through her 77.3% share of Paramount's Class A voting stock, who is ready to call it quits. The perception that she has no leverage and will be forced to accept a fire sale offer has driven the stock lower.
Operations All that, however, merely explains the stock market decline; what is the operational explanation for Paramount's troubles? The company reported a $600 million loss for full year 2023. How is it that one of the Big Five movie studios, with the most popular of the Big Four broadcast networks, the most popular show on cable (Yellowstone) and the only profitable sports slate in American television, can't make money?
Accounting Element First, we need to acknowledge that there are some accounting factors in that 2023 loss. Paramount took a "programming charge," i.e., a write-down of the value of programming assets, of roughly $2.4 billion in Q1 and Q2 last year. That is money that would ordinarily be amortized over a period of years - it's mostly streaming originals, which Paramount usually amortizes over a 4-year period - that instead saw its red ink taken all at once. Had it been amortized normally, Paramount would have reported an operating profit of roughly $1.2 billion, more or less identical to 2022, instead of reporting an operating loss of the same amount.
Still, that write-down reflects the fact that the content isn't performing well, so those losses were always going to happen, and they're quite real; the accounting change is simply a timing issue. So Paramount is operationally deficient, even if perhaps not quite as operationally deficient as this one-time write-down makes it look. We cannot dismiss Paramount's operational issues by putting them down to accounting distortions.
TV Scripted Content Difficulties Paramount did not break down the programming charge, but outside reports have about half of it owing to the integration of Showtime in Paramount+ as a single service. It's not entirely clear which side of the ledger those losses are coming from; one of the less understood things about merging services is that it potentially makes content on both sides less valuable as it is replaced by more popular content from the other side. Showtime's Q1 2023 viewership was very top-heavy, with just two shows, Yellowjackets and Your Honor constituting 30% of all viewership. Presumably, those two shows reduced the value of some Paramount+ existing content while the rest of Showtime's library may have suffered from competition with P+ content.
Regardless of the exact source, Paramount's content is not performing. That's a little surprising considering that, as I said, CBS content is actually quite popular on the linear side. In fact, in the earnings call following the annual report now-former CEO Bob Bakish reported that CBS had the top 16 scripted programs and 18 of the top 20 in the first week of post-strike broadcasts. Paramount has disclosed in the past that CBS content makes up roughly half of the viewership on Paramount+; and this is despite the fact that P+ isn't even the sole beneficiary of CBS content; roughly $600 million per quarter of Paramount's licensing revenue comes from CBS shows as well.
One possibility that I perhaps did not consider sufficiently was the chance that the unique characteristics of CBS would make it harder for that channel to transition to streaming than its other broadcast peers. CBS is the most popular of all broadcast networks, but that popularity owes disproportionately to more elderly viewers; in the demo, it is actually Comcast Corporation's (CMCSA) NBC which takes the top crown.
With elderly viewers both less appealing to advertisers and less likely to make the transition to streaming, it is perhaps not so surprising that CBS is continuing to perform well on linear but having trouble translating that to streaming.
International Shortfall The damage isn't through yet, either. Paramount disclosed that it took another $1.2 billion impairment charge on content in the first quarter. This one has to do with the international side; a few years ago Paramount commissioned 150 new, original international shows and movies to try to boost international growth. Now, Paramount reveals that even international consumers spend no less than 90% of their time streaming Hollywood content; the local originals aren't doing very much for growth or retention.
About the only good thing that can be said about this complete and utter debacle is that it is a one-off; unlike Paramount's US content spending, which is ongoing and therefore must be made more efficient if Paramount is to survive and thrive, Paramount is gradually exiting International production. In fact, to help cover the losses on its international originals it is selling its share in Viacom18, the network that formerly served as Paramount's onshore operation in India, to its partner Reliance for a little over $500 million.
Where Are The Children? Yet another factor is children's programming. While many have essentially written off Paramount's entire cable channel group, and I agree the prognosis for MTV and Comedy Central is rather grim, I have argued that Nickelodeon remains a real asset, as one of the top two children's channels in linear TV. I believed that would be a powerful subscriber acquisition tool, alongside sports, as the streaming transition continued.
It hasn't worked out. Surveys consistently show the Big 3 for parents with children are Netflix, Disney, and the third is Amazon.com, Inc. (AMZN) of all things. Neither Paramount+ nor Warner Discovery's Max make the cut, despite ownership of top children's linear platforms/libraries Nickelodeon and Looney Tunes, respectively.
The prognosis here isn't entirely grim. Paramount has reported that half of their streaming subscribers touch kids' content regularly, so clearly Nickelodeon does mean something to the subscribers. It's possible it helps with retention, even if it doesn't drive acquisition. Paramount owns the number one brand for pre-school kids, Paw Patrol.
Paramount has shut down the separate Noggin streaming service and will presumably be amplifying the kids content on P+ as a result, so perhaps this trend will yet turn around. With so many other things going wrong, though, the inability to make kids content more central to the strategy is a painful blow.
The Mismanagement Of Streaming I suspect, however, that Paramount's single biggest defect over the past few years has been the competency of its management. In a streaming world, success hinges overwhelmingly on the efficiency with which a content budget is deployed. That efficiency, in turn, requires avoiding the trap of "overload," something cable doesn't have to worry about but which can kill a streaming service.
What Is Overload? In brief, overload is when a streaming service spends money on content that appeals primarily to those subscribers who were already subscribed and intending to remain subscribed, even without that content. Because revenue does not increase with more viewership, such spending is essentially wasted money. I have been arguing for several years that some economic models of streaming profitability fail to take account of this significant element.
Paramount seems to have had a lot of overload in the last few years. Specifically, its single most broadly appealing piece of content is the NFL, which Paramount is an anchor broadcaster for. Because NFL fans are accustomed to spending upwards of $100 a month on cable just to watch the NFL - over 10% of cable subscribers say that the NFL is the only reason they're still subscribing - Paramount's $6-$12 a month fee for streaming really doesn't need anything more than NFL games to attract these 40-50 million fans.
The Earnings Jaw-Dropper And yet, it seems that's where a lot of the extra streaming money has been going. On the Q2 earnings call last year, CEO Bob Bakish, watching the stock price steadily decline, seemed to be eager to reassure he had a handle on the situation and began describing some of the changes he'd be making. It started out well enough, really; he told investors that NFL viewers churn drops dramatically if they also engage with entertainment titles, which is what you'd expect.
But then, he stunned me and I expect just about everyone listening when he said, "we probably need to do less for [the NFL viewer] in the fall, and more outside the fall because we can rely on the NFL." Compounding the almost Looking Glass-feeling, he then went on to reassure everyone he would be "fine-tuning" the content strategy to address that point in the years to come.
It was, frankly, stunning. Both me and I suspect just about every analyst who was modeling Paramount had just assumed it went without saying that of course, any entertainment content targeted at retaining NFL viewers should drop in the other half of the year when the NFL wasn't playing on TV. My own calculations of the profit margin on CBS's NFL deal had always incorporated that.
And while that was bad enough, it also raised the concern that a management team that didn't understand that going in might have put a lot of other overload in other categories as well. Suddenly, it wasn't so hard to see how the best-scripted shop with the most profitable sports contracts was having trouble making money. Double-loading for 50 million households would be a major drag on the financial performance for streaming.
Light At The End Of The Tunnel Despite all of this, I still think there are bright spots in the Paramount picture, even without a merger. Its operations, as well as its merger discussions, don't seem to lack potential.

1: My Usual Paramount Bull Argument: Sports Profits

One thing that continues to go right is sports content. A few years ago, I wrote that Paramount was a strong contender to become a sustainable streaming business because it had the only profitable sports slate in the business. The stock hasn't gone where I wanted it to go, but that is the one part of my thesis that has been definitively borne out. In fact, many now say that it is CBS's sports deals, at least as much as Paramount's film/TV studio, that the prospective buyers of Paramount are after.
I've covered these in other articles already. The March Madness deal runs until 2032 and the NFL deal runs until 2033, although the NFL has an opt out after 2029 that it will probably exercise given the utterly ludicrous bids the NBA is receiving, so the last four years of that deal might have to be chopped off the profit projections. Even so, Paramount can probably generate $1.25 billion a year in profit just off of those two deals for the next six years.
Those are probably the biggest, but it doesn't stop there. Almost every sports deal Paramount has is profitable. For all the flak management has deservedly taken, Paramount continues to show discipline and focus on sports. You won't find Paramount throwing $2.5 billion a year at the NBA's 'B' package, which is more money than the NFL gets for its 'B' package despite having 10x the viewership.
For all its many, many missteps, a Paramount that can just manage to stay afloat long enough for some of these ludicrous sports bets at other companies to blow up may yet find itself with cards to play later in the decade.

2: Recouping Write-downs Via Preferred Conversion

Another small boon has been the official conversion of the preferred shares. The Paramount mandatory convertible formerly trading under the PARAP ticker was capped at 0.85 shares per common share. Given the initial price of the convertible at $100 per share, that effectively means that a preferred share that was carrying a $100 liquidation value has just been converted into 1.1765 shares of a common stock currently trading around $12. A total value per preferred share of around $14.
And they sold for $1 billion, so that's basically $860 million back into the common equity that management was able to get at the peak of the boom. That actually repairs almost all of the red ink from Paramount's doomed international originals push on its own.

3: An End To Streaming Waste

Finally, a lot of the waste in streaming may soon be ending. Bob Bakish was finally fired a few weeks ago, and while I never want someone to lose their job, he frankly had looked overmatched for a while. Bakish was a lifetime cable executive who seemed to be having trouble making the transition to a streaming-world mindset. Frankly, if I knew about it in 2021, the CEO has no business fine-tuning it into the strategy in 2023.
With international originals no longer draining the coffers and overloaded entertainment programming shifted to months of the calendar where it can be more productive, streaming may yet turn the corner.
Investment Summary I recognize fully that each fall in Paramount stock makes my bullish optimism seem ever more out of step. I do believe, however, that Paramount's failures are more failures of execution than lack of scale or structural disadvantage. Paramount CEO Bob Bakish simply wasn't up to the job. Ironically that wasn't what got him fired; Bakish was almost certainly fired for opposing Redstone's plan to enrich herself at the expense of other shareholders, probably the most competent thing he did in the last few years of his whole tenure.
Paramount has everything it needs to be successful; profitable sports contracts, which is just unbelievable in this day and age, a thriving scripted TV operation, and a viable, if recently somewhat mismanaged, streaming service. An end to overload waste, the continued exploitation of its favorable sports slate, throttling back unhelpful international originals and boosting kids content engagement may yet produce a different streaming picture going forward. Should older viewers start to get more comfortable with streaming going forward and following their favorite programs to Paramount+, that would just be icing on the cake.
It's been a depressing ride the last few years, but I'm sticking with Paramount.

First / Previous / Royal Road / Patreon (Read 12 Chapters Ahead)

Together, Pale and Kayla dragged the mage back to the cave they'd been using for shelter, barely managing to get him inside before the snowfall began again. Pale tied his hands behind his back and his legs together using some paracord she had in her pack, and the two of them stood over the man, staring down at him.
"What now?" Kayla asked. "Do we wait for him to-"
Pale cut her off by bringing the stock of her shotgun across the berserker's face. He reeled from the strike, suddenly catapulting awake, his eyes wide as several of his teeth came spilling out across the stone cave floor. He coughed, spitting out a glob of blood before fixing her with a harsh glare. Smoke began to rise from his palms, but Pale stopped him by putting the barrel of her gun flush with his crotch.
"Unless you want to lose something, I'd suggest keeping your magic under control," she threatened. "Because if I pull this trigger, there isn't a healer alive who'll be able to give back what you'll lose."
The man snarled at her, but the smoke curling up from his hands stopped all the same. He spat out more blood. "The fuck am I still alive for?"
"I think you know exactly what you're alive for. Now, are you going to play nice and tell us what we want to know, or am I going to have to force it out of you piece by piece?"
The mage grinned at her, showing off a mouth full of missing teeth and liquid crimson. "You really think I'd betray my brothers like that?"
"Last I checked, your brothers are all dead," Pale said absentmindedly. "But still, I was hoping you'd pick the hard way; I needed to relieve some stress."
She let her shotgun hang from its sling, then drew her knife. With her free hand, she grabbed one of his fingers, then positioned the blade at the tip.
"Last chance to offer up what you know," she threatened.
The mage barked out a laugh. "Fuck off. You really think I'd ever-"
His bravado suddenly gave way to an agonized scream as Pale forced the blade of her knife underneath his fingernail. He thrashed in agony as she twisted the knife before roughly yanking it free, taking the fingernail with it. She held the disembodied nail up to him, then flicked it away.
"Have I made my point?" she said evenly. "Because last I checked, you've still got nine fingers and ten toes, not to mention a variety of other things I could poke at and prod at and cut off. And when you run out of those, I can just start skinning you bit by bit."
"Fuck you…" he breathed through gritted teeth. "I'll never-"
She took another fingernail for his troubles. Idly, Pale was aware of Kayla flinching with every scream that erupted out of the man's throat, but that didn't bother her.
Kayla had specified no death, but that didn't mean she couldn't make this hurt like hell.
She again positioned the knife at one of his fingertips, only for him to give a weak, shuddering, pain-filled cough.
"W-wait…" he croaked.
"I see your tongue has been thoroughly loosened," she surmised, though she didn't dare to move the blade even a millimeter away from his next finger.
"What do you have for me?"
"I can give you our leader's name."
"And?"
"What do you mean, and? He doesn't tell us anything, he just pays us and feeds us, like any good leader should."
Pale's expression narrowed. "You had better give me something more substantial to go on, otherwise I have no reason to keep you around."
"Pale-" Kayla began, only to fall silent when she held up a hand. Reluctantly, Kayla backed down, though she continued to look on with concern as Pale's grip around her blade turned white-knuckled.
"Tell me something useful," Pale demanded. "Unless you want to see exactly how much pain I can commit to before I get bored."
"Okay, okay!" the bandit growled. "Fine… our leader's name is Sven Greymane, the warrior-king of the northern isles. He's the one who ordered us to attack certain towns on this continent."
"Is that why you sacked some and completely bypassed others?"
He nodded. "Yes. That was all part of the plan – he'd give us locations to attack, pay us in gold and food to attack them, and then let us keep whatever valuables we wanted afterwards."
"And did he tell you why he only wanted specific locations attacked, while others were to be spared?"
The mage shook his head. "No, and we knew better than to ask questions given how good of a deal it was."
Kayla suddenly stepped forwards. "One of those towns was my village," she growled. "Your friends captured several people, including my father, and took them back to the northern isles."
The mage leaned in, squinting to get a better look at her, before finally shrugging. "I don't know anything about that."
"Liar," Pale hissed.
"It's the truth. I wasn't involved with the attack on any Beastkin town."
"Of course, you'd say that," Kayla said through gritted teeth. "You're worried about what will happen to you if you admit to us here and now that you had something to do with it."
"Don't know what else to tell you. I had nothing to do with the attack on you and yours, and I didn't take any Beastkin slaves."
"Enough of this," Pale snapped. "How long do we have to find her father?"
The bandit cracked a wide grin at her. "You're probably already too late. If the girl's father is anything like her, then he's already been deemed to be useless as a slave – too mouthy for his own good, and mouthy slaves don't last very long among my people."
A vein pulsed in Kayla's forehead as she clenched and unclenched her fists. "Answer the question," she demanded. "Assuming he isn't murdered before we can get there, how long do slaves typically last while with your people?"
"Depends on the slave. Men tend to last longer, provided they're young enough and in good health. Of course, he was taken in the first place, so I assume that someone saw some value in him, at least enough to want him for themselves. Now, that only accounts for a berserker warrior having a bad day and killing someone as a result. If he's unlucky, he'll succumb to the elements before long." The mage shrugged. "It wouldn't make any sense for us to spend all that time capturing and enslaving someone only to let them die so soon, unless they just so happened to be a massive pain in the ass."
"So you claim," Pale said dismissively. "What else do you have for us?"
"I've told you enough," the man grunted. "Now hurry up and let me go."
"And why would I do that?" Pale demanded. "So you can go back to robbing and killing the innocent? Is your life really worth the lives of the people you'd kill if we let you go?"
"It is to her." He motioned towards Kayla, who was staring at him and trembling as she bit her lip, deep in thought.
Pale's eyes narrowed. "Kayla."
Kayla jumped slightly at the sound of her name being called. She hesitated for a moment before letting out a sigh. "...You should let him go."
"You know I can't do that, Kayla. If we let him go, he'll just go right back to doing what brought him here. Either we end this here and now and prevent him from taking more innocent lives, or he goes on for however long it takes for someone else to put him down."
"I know!" Kayla spat. "It's just… I don't know what to do… I don't want to be responsible for someone's death like this…"
"I understand that, but this is war," Pale insisted. "Death is an unavoidable part of that."
"What do you mean, war?" Kayla asked, horrified at the prospects of what Pale had just suggested. "You… you really are a soldier, aren't you? That's why you're doing this – it's a chance to do what you were made to do…"
"War is in my nature," Pale insisted. "It is why I was created. You are correct that this is a chance to fulfill my prime directive, but not in the way that you think." She turned her gaze back towards the bandit. "I need to get off this planet and back into the war I left behind before it's too late to save my creators. If killing this man will get me there faster, then I will not hesitate to do that."
"But… you can't know that killing him will help with that," Kayla pointed out. "He's just one man…"
"Every second spent debating his existence is one not spent working towards my ultimate goal. I ask for your input on what to do with him because I value your opinion as my ally, and do not wish to alienate you by leaving you out of major decisions such as that, but that does not mean I will not try to make you see reason when I think you are about to make a terrible decision." Pale sheathed her knife and hefted her shotgun. "You are concerned with the loss of innocent life, yes? Well, letting me kill this man will save an untold number of them. Is his life really worth all of theirs?"
"You can't think of it that way! He's still a person, too!"
"He is," Pale agreed. "But as far as I am concerned, his right to life is now forfeit, as he used it to torture and murder other people."
The bandit suddenly burst out laughing. "Listen to you two! You're honestly debating whether or not to take a life. How quaint, not to mention innocent. Consider me entertained."
Pale bashed him with the stock of her gun once more, knocking a few more of his teeth out in the process. As he coughed on blood and bone shards, she turned back to Kayla.
"See reason in this," she implored. "Letting him live means-"
"I know!" Kayla interrupted. Her wolf ears flattened against her skull, and in a quieter voice, she repeated, "...I know."
Her tail lashed behind her, and finally, she shook her head. "...I was willing to fight for you," she said softly. "I tried to convince you that you weren't just a killing machine – that you had a sjel, and that it was worth something. And maybe I was right. But even if I was… even if you're not just a killing machine… you seem dead-set on trying to be one. And if that's what you want, then who am I to stop you? Do what you want with him, Pale; after all, it's what you were programmed to do."
Kayla turned and marched out of the cave. Pale watched her go, waiting until she was completely gone before acting.
A single gunshot split the night.

Special thanks to my good friend and co-writer, Ickbard for the help with writing this story.

[TW for mention of SA]
Making this post because lots of people are still actively spreading misinformation and lies about Hyuna's boyfriend, Junhyung, and it's harmful in many ways, because as opposed to what many people think and tell, the investigation concluded that Junhyung never shared SA videos or received SA videos, or hidden camera videos, or sex-tapes, and that he was never part of the JJY group chats.
Jong Joonyoung (JJY)'s group chats in which hidden camera videos were shared without the consent of the girls (molka) and the Burning Sun scandal are two different things, but JJY's group chat was discovered through the Burning Sun investigation (2019). If you want to learn about it, the BBC has just released a documentary on Burning Sun, JJY & the molka chatrooms are also adressed in it. (You can already note that JJY & Junhyung's names are pretty close, therefore lots of people mistaked them when the news of his relationship with Hyuna came out in January. There were enough people to clarify that and make it clear that JJY ≠ Junhyung though, but not so many know what was actually Junhyung's part and are therefore still spreading misleading information.)
When SBS's '8'O'Clock News' news first shared screenshots of messages JJY and other idols had exchanged in the chatrooms, Junhyung's message was added and edited, which made it seem like he was part of the groupchats when he wasn't.
In 2015, he was sent one video by JJY (1-1) that was not a sex-tape but a video of a girl taken in a pub in which he (JJY) was touching her (or she was touching him) (no nudity or intercourse in the video), the video was made with her consent but was not sent with her consent. This is the video he's talking about in his statement about leaving Highlight, and the video he made crude comments about. There are no other videos.
(see first line of the table: kbs court documents translation*, he is not mentioned again *original article link)
He later on received a message from JJY that was something like "I got caught sending the video", to which Junhyung replied "You got caught by her? (the girl from the video)" (that's the message that was edited by SBS that made it seem like he was part of the groupchats), and didn't report him.
I'm adding a part of a comment of another redditor that went through the case's files, as it sums up things well: "[...] The video in question was of JJY engaged in making out with a woman in a bar and that she put her hand on a "certain part of his anatomy". The police transcript went on to say that the video was taken with the woman's knowledge and consent, but she did not consent to having it shared. There was no nudity or intercourse shown in the video. I don't know if Yong Junhyung knew it was sent without the woman's consent. The transcript did not reveal what the text of the messages about the video said, however Yong Junhyung has said he feels embarrassed and ashamed about what he said in response to receiving this video. So no doubt it was something douchy, but not necessarily worse than what you would expect guys texting about such a video would be. There is no evidence in the transcripts to suggest that Yong Junhyung knew that women were being [SA'd] or that illegal videos were being made and shared. The video he received was not exactly something you could take to the police as its not illegal to make out in a bar."
He did not go to jail and wasn't sentenced, he was called in as a witness and fully cooparated with the police, left his group to atone and protect Highlight from the backlash.
Also Junhyung is NOT the guy (Choi Jong Bum) that abused and blackmailed Goo Hara back in 2018/2019. Junhyung and Hara dated for about 2 years in 2011, anyone claiming he abused her is making things up (according to official sources, Junhyung was a supportive boyfriend who helped Hara through some hard times, and the two ended things amicably and decided to remain friends).
I've seen people on Twitter, on Reddit, on Youtube, in Hyuna's comments section, call him a rapist, saying he was involved in 'non-consensual gang bangs', watched 'SA videos of young girls', is a 'sex traffickant', 'sex criminal' or that he admitted "watching SA videos", and to what we know by the investigation that was led, that is NOT TRUE.
That's for the actual facts, please do not spread misinformation and don't buy in everything you read. It's ok not to support their relationship but spreading lies or misinformation is not.
more sources: Statement from Around Us Ent. before Junhyung left HIGHLIGHT (before clarification): "Hello, this is Around Us Ent. We are writing in regards to the news of the reveal of singer Jung Joon Young’s KakaoTalk chatroom, which was reported on SBS’s ‘8 O’Clock News’ on March 11, 2019. We are aware that people are saying that Highlight member Yong Junhyung is the ‘Singer Yong’ that is shown in the contents of the conversation from the group chatroom with illegal hidden camera footage that was revealed on the news. Yong Junhyung has no connection to the filming or sharing of illegal videos. Also, Yong Junhyung has never been in a chatroom where Jung Joon Young’s illegal hidden camera videos were shared. In addition to that, we have confirmed that he has never been in any group chatroom at all with Jung Joon Young. We directly confirmed with Yong Junhyung after the news report and found out that conversation that was shared in the news was originally the content of a one-on-one conversation between Jung Joon Young and Yong Junhyung. Previously in 2016 [actually 2015 but Around Us Ent. didn't have this information at the moment, cf Junhyung's declaration coming after] when Jung Joon Young was having a hard time due to a personal matter, Yong Junhyung asked him what was happening. Jung Joon Young replied ‘I got caught taking a video and sending it [the message included symbols for laughter],” and [Yong Junhyung] asked in return, ‘You mean you were caught by the woman?’ In regards to the simulated group chatroom screenshot that was shared in the news, we plan to verify with SBS News about the authenticity. [...]" referring to the fact that in the screenshots first shared by SBS, it made it seem like he was part of the chatroom
Junhyung's declaration when leaving Highlight: "Hello, this is Yong Jun-hyung. First, I sincerely apologize to the members and all fans who have had a hard time because of me these past few days. After the SBS 8 o'clock news on the 11th, I received a call from the company to check the facts. At that time, I didn't understand the point well and only conveyed that I wasn't in [the] group chat. Therefore, the company, taking my side, officially stated that the report was not accurate, but it was based on the wrong information I provided. In the process of preparing the official statement with the company, I mentioned that the incident was in 2016 because the conversation with Jung Joon-young wasn't saved in my KakaoTalk, so I couldn't accurately check the date at that time. I apologize for adding to everyone's confusion on this as well.
Regarding the KakaoTalk content from late 2015 reported in the news, the conversation with Jung Joon-young was after we drank together the previous day. He told me about an incident (being caught sharing illegal video recording), and I replied, "You got caught by the girl?" I did not receive that video at that time, but I did receive one on a different occasion. In addition, I had inappropriate conversations regarding it. All these actions were extremely immoral, and I was foolish. I failed to recognize this as a crime and illegal behavior, and was complacent about it, and I regret not firmly stopping it.
Yesterday, I went for a reference person investigation related to this issue. I spoke truthfully about everything I knew and cooperated with the investigation. While receiving the witness interview, I saw exactly what conversations I had in the past, and I felt indescribably ashamed and [horrified/regretful].
I have never engaged in illegal acts like taking or spreading hidden camera videos. Since the end of 2016, my relationship with Jung Joon-young was just occasionally asking about each other's well-being. However, knowing about it, I thought and acted too easily and carelessly, being an onlooker to this serious issue that could've led to more victims.
I'm truly sorry for betraying the trust of the members and fans who believed in me, failing to reciprocate the love given to me. I realize the severity of this matter, and I do not want any further harm to be done to my fans and members who must have been disappointed because of me, so I will leave the group Highlight as of March 14, 2019. I will live while reflecting on myself again and again. I apologize sincerely once again."
(edited for typo/better wording)