I've (38F) been married to my husband (41M) for 8 years and we were together 2 years before marriage, so 10 years total.
The way our relationship started, we didn't have the courtship, or traditional dating and really getting to know the other person. I would soak up all the information I could about him, but it was usually one-sided that way. I fell in love with him and he was my healthiest relationship since I had two previously toxic relationships prior. Not sure it matters but I was single for a little over a year in my between my last toxic relationship and then starting to hang out with my now husband. In that year of me being single, I had to get back to figuring out who I was. I even had to learn to have a real laugh again. I know that may sound crazy, but I was always on pins and needles that my laugh became forced and fake, so I didn't know what my real laugh sounded like anymore. It became unrecognizable to me.
Even before I married husband, I knew his communication was lackluster at best. The way he grew up they didn't talk and communicate their feelings, but I genuinely thought this would improve over time and he was still the best guy I knew and have ever been with. I just don't think I realized how much the communication part was going to cause various issues down the line.
I try and communicate how I feel, what I want or need, and nothing seems to get better. Because of this, I've become more and more shut down and a former shell of myself. I always go back to his the best guy I've ever been with and I know he loves me, so I let it go.
We've talked about marriage counseling before, and after some original shutting down of the idea and then miscommunication on his end, he said we could. Honestly, I never looked into because of his original response to it, so when he finally said of course we could, I felt emotionally whiplashed I said to myself if it was important to him, even if just to make me happy, then he could look into it since I take care of everything else for everyone else. He does cook, take out the trash and cut the grass, but I kind of do everything else. Needless to say, no therapy and that was mentioned a year ago and then a year or two before that.
He doesn't cheat. I know that, but I don't feel important, special, cared for, loved, valued, or any of the things I think most people want to feel from their partner. I use to feel like we were best friends and lovers, and now I don't feel like we are either of those things.
I really just needed to vent and see if I'm expecting too much. If this is normal or not. What steps I should take or what steps we should take. I just feel so lost and empty. The one person who use to make my day has now become more like a roommate than anything.
I know I probably said too much about some stuff and not even about others, but I'm crying upstairs by myself as I type this. My mind is all over the place and it's my first time posting, so I apologize if I'm not doing this right.

What’s in the closet, Kirsty?
He knew I hid a secret.
I smiled, tried to look confused.
He waited, crossing his arms.
I worried that he'd already seen. He had.
What else could he think about the pile?
His wife’s a cheater. She has another life. Another husband. Children.
He’d never believe the truth: I’m not a cheater; there’s no other life; no other man; I don’t know who the children are who visit me at night.
But I did have a secret. And maybe it’s fair to say another life, even if was smaller and against my will.
I should have destroyed those frames, burned the photos within. Now it looked like I saved them, cherished them. The truth couldn’t be farther. I feared to touch anything to do with… whatever they are…with one exception.
“It started last Halloween,” I said to George, my husband, my real husband.
He stopped packing for a moment, working out the impossibility of this statement. “I’m taking the girls to my parents.” He resumed the tossing of shirts, pants, etc. into our big suitcase.
“It’s true,” I said, but weakly. The children in the picture are at least six and four respectively. They were born six months ago.
“They’re not… my kids,” I said of the boys in the photos. They’re not kids is what I almost said.
George stopped and squeezed the bridge of his nose between thumb and forefinger. “Kirsty,” he said slowly, “there are baby pictures. I saw them.”
“That’s-”
He quickly raised his finger, exasperated, angry, done.
“The first picture is you holding a newborn, and…” He swallowed painfully, his throat gone dry. It always does when he’s upset. “And the father in that picture, with his arm around you, isn’t me.”
When I couldn't deny it, he nodded like he knew all along our marriage would end.
We were happy. We really were. George and I had managed to overcome the typical breakdown that often comes with raising children. Only since last Halloween had distance been made by me.
I should have told him as soon as it started.
“Girls!” he called as I followed him down the stairs to the front hall of our lovely home. We’d scrimped and sacrificed to buy and keep this place, our dream by the lake. He’d been so proud. I couldn’t tell him I wanted to leave the first night sleeping there.
Cara and Ella protested through play, ignoring the adults, continuing to jump on an old box they’d long since flattened. Rays from the western sun placed my daughters into an inspired, hallowed light, and I started to cry. He was going to take my babies away.
George opened the door, intending, I’m sure, to drop the suitcase in the car before returning to physically carry the girls out.
But he hesitated in the doorway.
“George?”
The suitcase fell with a solid thud on the floor. “There’s no way,” he said.
“What?”
“There’s no way,” he said, with emphasis on the last word, “you would have had time for…this…”
Not defining "this" as cheating was progress. “Yes!”
He glared, quieting my desperate enthusiasm. I wasn’t off the hook. “Tell me. The truth.”
“I can’t.”
He reached for the suitcase.
“No, not because I don’t want to,” I protested. “I don’t know what’s happening!” I sat on the carpeted steps and stared through blurred vision at my trembling hands. The shriek I’d filled the house with - “happening!” - had put a halt to the box's obliteration. Cara and Ella hesitated for a few seconds before leaping into action.
Cara, the oldest, six, punched her dad in the buttocks. “You have to be nice!”
Ella, four, sat beside me and patted my trembling hands. “It’s okay, mummy.”
Such lovely daughters. Nothing like the boys in those photos when they were this age.
George grasped Cara's wrists and gently walked her back into the house, using his foot to kick the suitcase from the swing of the front door.
"It's alright, girls," he said with weak resolve. "Go and play."
"No!" Cara shouted. She kicked at her father and he pulled her close into a bearhug. Gradually, the girls calmed and were convinced to return to the box in the front room.
"Kirsty," George said, "you have to tell me." He sat down on the step beside me. "Please." I would do anything to take away the hurt in his eyes. "Please."
"I can't. But… I can write it down. Maybe." I took out my phone. We shared Google Drive. When I made a new document, he reluctantly started his phone. The man was a dream. He watched his screen, and waited patiently for my words to appear.
Without preamble, I returned to the awful moment when it all began: a strange and disturbing dream. Words came like an infection from beneath a torn scab. The wound had been opened. Nothing could stop this now.
Sex with another man has never been a desire of mine. I love George. He loves me.
Plus, the man in my dream was a stranger, and not particularly handsome. He has a plain face set to unwavering boredom and unkempt male pattern baldness. Our dream sex felt obligatory, just something we had to do.
I awoke on the wrong side of midnight. November 1st and I was craving ice cream instead of the girls' gathered candy. The freezer left by the previous homeowners came with unopened ice cream. Freezer burned or not, I wanted some.
After retrieving a spoon from the kitchen, I intended to destroy a brick of neopolitan. He waited in his flannel pajamas, barefoot on the concrete floor. His arms were crossed.
"Cravings?" he said.
I dropped the spoon. It clattered down the basement steps. Before I could run away, he disappeared like someone had erased him from head to foot in one clean sweep.
Had to be a dream. That's what I told myself. The spoon stayed in the basement until daylight. Ghost or nightmare, there was laundry to do the next day.
I crossed the concrete floor fast and only felt safer when I'd closed the door to the more modern laundry room. Never thought builder's grade tiles and track lights would make me feel anything but sad.
His voice caught me sorting.
"Kirsty!"
I dropped the cup of detergent all over the floor.
"Shit."
I came out of the laundry room, figuring George had been looking for me in uncharacteristically rude fashion. He hated speaking between rooms. Shouting throughout the house was highly impolite. It must have been important, I figured.
As soon as I stepped onto the bare concrete, however, deep sadness, the kind that seems to physically leech the strength from your body, dominated the room.
"Hello?" I don't know why I said that. The basement is a low ceilinged rectangle. There are no hiding spots except for the laundry room I'd come from. After a deep breath, I walked briskly to the stairs.
"Any day now," a raspy voice breathed into my ear. I jolted and slipped forward, falling and clipping my chin off a step. It made my teeth click painfully. Nobody there, of course. I ran upstairs and George had gone outside with the girls to play hide and seek.
I wanted to tell him. He looked so happy. It's hard to convey in words the kind of smile he showed me through the window. Imagine contentment mixed with unreserved joy and hope. Yes, it's difficult to picture. So few of us can ever have such a moment. Sort of like finding a natural view completely untouched by humanity. Beyond rare and precious.
I’m rambling now to avoid writing about what followed. The point is I couldn’t tell him. I hoped it’d go away and stop.
But, of course, it didn’t, and things got much worse.
I awoke in a great deal of pain. Having already given birth to children, the feeling was familiar. Despite getting up and gasping, George continued to snore in our bed. He’s a deep sleeper, but a quick and early riser. I’ve never heard him complain about getting out of bed either, especially when there’s an emergency.
I might have woken him up but I was disoriented and confused. Part of me believed I was still pregnant with Ella. It wasn’t until I’d gone all the way to the kitchen to avoid waking up the girls, that my brain caught up: Girls. Plural. Ella was asleep in her bed upstairs.
“Ohhhhhhhh shiiiiiiiiiiit.” I knew the signs of labour. This couldn’t be happening. “Ohhhhhhhhh.”
I was definitely going to wake everyone up if this continued.
My phone was upstairs by my bedside table. We don’t have a landline. I should have called 911. I should have woken up George.
Instead, I went downstairs where I could vocalize pain without disturbing anyone. Such a pathetically passive response. But that’s how I was raised. Keep it down, don't you frown.
His hands seized mine as soon as I descended the last step. Serious and bald without dignity is how to best describe his physical appearance. Cold and cruel is what he is. The lights turned off and, in the perfect darkness of the basement, he was all that I could see.
He produces a red light from his body somehow but his touch is literally frosty.
"Kristy, it's time," he said. No joy there. Just straight facts. Something was coming. I was going to give birth to it. In the dull red glow of his being, the first boy came.
"His name is Hadad," the man said, placing a large, infant boy with a lot of hair and, I swear, a hint of beard, on the bare concrete. Hadad looked like a three month old they use as newborns on TV. He didn't cry. He hardly seemed to breathe as his dark eyes roamed the darkness. His light resembled the man's, a less intense red.
I felt another contraction, and winced.
"She comes next," the man said.
I felt so weak. "Who are you?" I asked him.
At last, he smiled and I wished he hadn't. It made me feel small, insignificant, and beneath his concern. "You know who I am," he said. "I'm your husband."
Pain wracked my entire body. Something didn't feel right. The birth of Cara and Ella had been without difficulty.
"Push," my "husband" ordered. "She is upset with you, and will kill you if you don't get her out now."
"It has to be a nightmare," I told him. Sweat poured in streams down my face. The unborn "she" in question writhed and damaged my insides. I screamed. I couldn't help it.
"Push!"
I obeyed and the second boy spilled onto the bare concrete, coated in blood and dust.
"It's a boy," I said.
The man looked displeased. "The body is male. She is Hebat. No wonder she is angry." Like the other infant, Hebat appeared aware of her surroundings and had far too much motor control for a newborn. The light pouring from her body was dull silver. Her eye sockets were two pits of concentrated despair. I had to look away.
The babies were pressed into my arms.
The man stretched out beside me. "Open your eyes and smile." I resisted. "Do it. Now." What choice did I have? The flash from his cell blinded me. They were all gone by the time my sight recovered. Only the sweat remained as evidence of the ordeal.
It had to have been a hallucination. Some very bad food poisoning maybe. The source could be as simple as an undigested bit of beef, a blot of mustard, a crumb of cheese, a fragment of underdone potato. I had been stress eating since we'd moved in. I stood up and took some comfort in a Charles Dickens' reference.
"More of gravy than of grave about you," I said. My words seemed consumed by the dreadful weight of the air. "Whatever you are."
Whatever you are: something bad in any case. At best, I'd hallucinated prolonged and traumatic labour and needed medical attention. Yet, when I limped up the basement stairs, all thoughts of waking George vanished. There on the kitchen island sat a propped frame containing the photograph taken only moments ago.
The man looked happy. Only Hadad appeared in this picture, which meant another one was somewhere. I didn't panic. I worried more about what George would think if he saw the photos. I had to find them all.
Hebat and his father and I were mounted in a dark wood frame by the master bedroom. It'd be the first thing anyone saw if they woke up. I plucked it off the wall and, together with the first photo, tucked it under some blankets in the dresser we'd shoved in the small walk-in closet.
You might not believe this, but I went straight to sleep after. I climbed under the blanket in my sweaty pajamas, shut my eyes, and didn't have enough time to deny what had happened. I was unconscious until morning.
George placed a coffee on my nightstand. That's what I remember. He rubbed my feet while I slowly awoke. The girls were watching TV downstairs, munching on apple slices. There was forty minutes still before we had to seriously consider getting ready to take Cara to school.
George would drop her off on his way to work downtown. He chose his hours and always chose convenience for his wife and kids. Ella and I planned to spend the morning gardening. Then we would nap much of the afternoon away until George and Cara returned. A life so perfect is so very rare.
I didn't want to spoil things with a very convincing nightmare. Besides, I felt fine. Not so good that I wanted to look in the dresser to see if those photos really were there, but not ill. So I remained silent again.
November started fine. Idyllic days and nights filled with laughter and joy and television. Just as I started to believe in the dream we'd made, they came again.
The wail of a child's hunger is a powerful call for a parent. When it's a chorus, even of two, it cannot be ignored. Only I awoke to Hadad and Hebat's cries for their "mother" from the basement.
Half asleep, I drifted into the kitchen and searched for their milk bottles. When no bottles could be found, I remembered they were newborns. Milk swelled in my breasts and made my nipples ache. Just like when Cara or Ella would awaken in the night. It was a relief to feed them.
But what the fuck was I doing?
I was acting like the man in the basement and the devil babies were mine. It'd been less than a week since Halloween and that horrible nightmare illusion. I had already taken on the beleaguered newborn mother role without question.
Their cries intensified and flayed the weak resistance of exhausted reasoning.
Don't wake George. Don't wake my babies, my real babies.
"What took you so long?" the man critized, his voice monotone, the question unrhetorical.
"I… was sleeping. I went to the fridge first." Under his severe gaze, I stopped in the midst of the dark room. Hadad had quieted. Hebat cooed as if laughing at her own joke. I couldn't see them because the lights were off. They liked the dark better. Somehow I knew that about them and him.
"You should sleep down here," he said. "A mother should always be close to her babies."
The statement was nonsense but not altogether wrong. I wanted to be close to my babies, the daughters sleeping in bliss upstairs, away from the evil fermentation in the basement.
"Kirsty," he said. "Are you listening?" His hand touched the small of my back. The gentleness surprised me. I squawked and flinched away. "What’s wrong with you? They're hungry." He pressed on my shoulders until I sat on the cold floor.
They came from the shadows, already walking. I wanted to go, but I knew he wouldn't allow it. He pulled my cat t-shirt off over my head and their fierce mouths suckled, relieving the pressure of excess breast milk quickly. It felt physically good and psychologically alien.
I looked down at them once and immediately regretted it. Their emanated light had intensified to a point where perception of them hurt.
Each time I blinked my eyes were drawn to some isolated part of their bodies. The vision got closer to the point of disgust. Everything is gross if you're close enough. There is no beauty under a microscope. If you think there is then you're not using the right magnification.
Hebat's eye drew me in. At first, I saw the dark sphere, and then the strands of her eyelashes. Her gravity kept pulling until the creatures that live in eyelashes were revealed: Demodex folliculorum. I looked the microscopic horrors up.
The babies had more parasites than any child should. They wanted to show me and could somehow do so.
I asked him about it. "Why are they showing me these worms?"
He smiled, contemptuously as usual. "Trying to impress mother. Neither of them understand your horror and insignificance. You are the ant who knows they're an ant. Lucky you. They think you will be proud of the life their corporeal forms produce and host. Give them a few hours. It will pass."
"Why are you doing this to me?"
"I'm not sure what you mean. We're married. Now, prepare to smile." His cell reappeared and I noted the lack of features; it might have been a singed rectangle of spent firewood. He frowned when I failed to smile. "Smile, Kirsty. These are your children."
I managed to stave off the tears and hold the babies close. The smile was more difficult. In the inevitable aftermath of their sudden disappearance, the frames depicted an exhausted, wrinkly woman smiling painfully. It took a second to recognize myself.
The things in the basement sapped my strength. I looked dehydrated, beleaguered. The scale in the bathroom said I'd dropped six pounds. I'd weighed myself the morning before.
"Whoa, you've lost weight," George noted, thinking I'd be pleased. "This place has been so good for us, eh?'
To produce another smile proved as draining as the previous night. "Y-yes," I stuttered too late for him to ignore.
"Hey," he said, touching my forearm.
I flinched.
"Whoa, you okay? What's wrong?"
I should have told him. "Nothing. Bad sleep. A nightmare. I'll be fine."
A lie is an agreement. George wanted to agree, I think. He wanted life to be fine because he was happy for once. We struggled so hard before we came to Bridal Veil Lake. It was supposed to be our dream.
Guilty if I told him the truth. Guilty because I didn't. I began to resent his happiness, though he had done nothing but be the wonderful man he'd always been.
To Cara and Ella I became a body in motion, No brain left to guide them away from harm or answer their questions about nature and the universe.
"I don't know." That's what I told them often.
So they began to treat me like a kind of butler.
"Can I have some juice, please?"
"Sure, sweetheart."
"Mommy, can I have a snack?"
"Of course." And I'd run off to fetch it.
"Cookies."
"Yes, dear."
When Christmas came, I had two and they induced the same level of joy. Visiting the basement to feed and nurture Hebat and Hadad became a nightly occurrence. I'd learned to awaken, if I could get to sleep at all, and go quietly.
He berated me severely if I missed a night, and there were subtle threats made casually.
"I may have to squash you yet," he said, his tone as deep and cold as always.
"It won't happen again," I promised. "They’re getting big." In fact, they were no longer infants. Both had grown to the approximate age of six or seven in a few months. Still, they never spoke. Their dark eyes watched me as they ate food from the kitchen upstairs, food I'd hidden from my family.
"More meat," the man demanded.
"Of course." And I ran to the freezer and gave them frozen sausages in the package. They never complained or demanded the food be prepared a different way. No objections from my "husband" either.
Hebat tore the styrofoam and plastic wrap away and flattened the row of sausages stuck together between powerful molars. Hadad contented itself with licking them like a popsicle.
I'd stay until the photo. Then they'd release me by vanishing. Always with an exhausted breath, I'd trudge up the stairs and search for the frames and hide them in the same place.
They only smiled in the pictures. At no other time did they express any kind of emotion unless indifference counts.
My own children and husband weren't doing much better. Their concerns about my fatigue and ruminating slowly ceased as I repeated the excuse: I’m just tired. It'll pass.
Of course, I did not know when the nightmare would stop.
"When will it end?" I asked him one night, while Hebat and Hadad exercised like they had a mission.
"What do you mean?" he said.
I was surprised he answered. He usually didn't. "This. This. When can I go back to normal and not come down every night? I'm so very tired."
He frowned and I thought some punishment must be coming. Instead, he looked more confused. "I don't understand. You aren't happy? Your children grow into power and strength and will take their place in the world. They will be great and you - you, of all the tiny things, made that happen. Ask yourself what you want out of life, and see if Hebat and Haddad aren't your answer."
Too many words, all at once, for an exhausted mother. I didn't speak for the rest of the night. The infernal trio vanished, and the latter moments of the ritual I carried out with his challenge in mind.
I want my children to be strong, happy, and safe.
"Juice," Cara demanded the next morning, a Saturday, while she watched cartoons.
"Get it yourself!" I hissed, from tired to angry in a second.
"But I can't," Cara accurately pointed out. She didn't look away from the TV. Looking at me wasn't safe, and she knew it. Her and Ella held hands and sat a little straighter. It broke my heart. What had I done?
George came downstairs, attracted by my shouting. "What’s going on?"
Empathy became sadness, and the constant burden rekindled to anger swiftly. "Just children treating me like a servant."
He smiled. "Ah, yes, and how are the royal princesses this morning?"
His levity irked me. "You would know if you didn't sleep in so much."
The smile vanished from his face, and instead of the fight I seemed to want, he mumbled a quiet apology and joined the girls. They climbed onto him as he wrapped them into a cuddle.
"What are we watching?" George restarted his smile, his calm, for the girls. I hated myself. It had to end. Tonight.
After another dreary day of going through the motions, and the girls and George had fallen asleep, I went to the kitchen and chose the knife I thought sharpest.
"Kirsty," he said, his voice a whisper rising from the depths of the house.
"Coming," I whispered back.
"Mom," said another voice, a girl's, and I knew that Hebat had, at last, found herself and the wholeness of her being had been corrected.
I started to cry. I went downstairs and there she was with her brother and her father. He looked tired but some of the grimness had cracked to allow the first real contentment I've ever seen him express.
"Is that for the cake?" he asked. "We already have one."
I remembered the sharp knife. "Meat," I said. "There’s ham in the freezer."
He nodded, seeming to accept the answer.
"Mom," Hebat said, "Do you think I'm…" She gestured to herself, her face, and her body, and I understood the question, born from doubt and a desire to be validated.
I pulled her close. "You are the most beautiful girl in the whole world." We cried together. Hadad cut into a poorly made, asymmetrical cake by the light of his aura. No one cared that he did so on the floor. I brought out the ham from the fridge and we ate slices with our hands.
"It's almost done," he said. "They’re nearly grown. They are strong, and they are happy. You've done a good job, Kirsty." He watched our children fight to smear icing on each other's faces. "I'm sorry if I was mean. Or cold. I've never done this before." And he meant raising children. "It was the hardest, scariest thing anyone can try. I shouldn't have blamed you for… Hebat… It wasn't your fault."
Before I could pat his hand, he and the kids vanished. Darkness so familiar couldn't extinguish a new fear. I went upstairs and found the last frame. I held my daughter in the photo, my beautiful Hebat. He must have taken the photo without my notice.
I took it upstairs but couldn't bring myself to hide it.
I didn't see that one, George wrote into the document.
I forgot he was watching.
He typed again: Are you saying there is something in the basement?
Yes, I replied.
He stirred in the living room. I hadn't moved from the stairs, but I could tell by his stomping how angry he'd become. All of his negative, violent traits he saved for those in the world who would harm his family. George the Protector was fearsome to behold.
But he had no chance against my other husband.
"Come out! Come out you coward!" George bellowed. At first, nothing happened. The moment before calamity, even when the specific consequences aren't known, is still in slow motion. He carried on shouting. The girls rushed into the hall and didn’t hesitate to investigate.
"No!" I shouted. "Cara! Ella!"
Their feet padded down the steps. A violent commotion followed, screams and raging voices, both deep and childishly shrill.
The most unsettling quiet followed.
I chewed through the fear and the horror tearing me apart and finally moved.
No evidence of violence could be seen from the top of the stairs. The concrete looked bare and dusty and the light revealed nothing more. They were gone, all of them.
"Hebat," I whispered. "Cara? George?"
Him, I thought of, the nameless husband and felt no hint of his presence. He'd always been there. I know that now. It had nothing to do with the house. His absence was felt more than his insidious presence. Yet, I felt no relief. George and the girls were gone. I sat on the floor and cried for all my missing children.
When I finally emerged from the basement, the whole house had been filled with night. Their photos were everywhere. The others were upstairs. I gathered them on the kitchen island. How could I explain any of this to the police?
I needed help. I called my parents. It took twenty minutes before my father picked up.
"Kirsty? What's wrong?"
"Dad," I whimpered. "George is gone. Cara. Ella."
"What? What did you say?"
"They’re gone, dad. George. The girls are gone."
I heard his bed springs protest as he rolled out of bed. My mom said something I couldn't hear, and he shushed her.
"Kirsty," he said, "are you alright? Are you hurt? Are you in danger?"
Why was it so hard to understand? "Dad. George is gone."
"Kirsty, who the hell is George?"
It was my turn to be confused. "He's my- you know him. My husband…"
"Kirsty," he said very slowly, "are you on drugs? Did you take something?"
"No. Are you?"
"Excuse me?"
I hung up.
I have their photos. I have all of their photos. That's what I brought to George's parents before the sun rose. They wouldn't open the door and spoke to me through an intercom.
"George is gone," I said.
"We'll call the police."
"This is your son. These are your granddaughters."
I heard my mother-in-law say, "Who is she?"
"We don't have a son," my father-in-law said. "Go away."
I left.
Back to the house. Our dream sat empty and I live there, but none of the people in my family photos are my family.
I remember but the world never does. My parents think I'm ill and that I used AI to create the family I apparently never had.
How did I buy the house without a job or income? With deep concern for my mental health, they showed me a news story. I had won the lottery the day I turned eighteen.
His influence there, payment for services rendered.
A lie is an agreement.
What had I agreed to? I'm afraid I know the answer: I never wanted a family.
God help me. God help them.
I don't know what to do with these pictures.

Hi guys my modded Fallout 3 is without HUD, it never activates, and when I approach to talk to someone the interaction is black, I tried setting the gamma color from the menu (and it is the standard) and even tried disabling all mods (even Immersive HUD, which should equally show the HUD when you perform certain actions) but it doesn't appear at all!
I also downloaded Pulse ENB by downloading the ReShades and putting them in the game folder (also replacing dxgi and d3d9, now I don't remember the process exactly), I'm afraid the problem might be coming from there although I wouldn't know how that's possible.
This is my list of mods:
00 - Improved Male Vanilla Body - FOMOD Installer
4K Capital Wastescape with 4K Normals
Accurate Stars 4k
AmaccurzerO's Animated Wasteland
Andy's Darker Grass v2
Animated Interior Decorations
Animated Park Equipment v4 big update
Animated Statics - Anim
Animated Utility Poles (Ashens2014) Fallout 3
Animated Wasteland Trees (recommended)
Animation Compilation (First Person)
Animation Compilation (Third Person)
Archivelnvalidation Invalidated - Program Version - Recommended
ATMOS Ambient Sound Overhaul
CivisRomanus Unofficial Fallout 3 Dialogues Fixes - italiano
CivisRomanus Unofficial Fallout 3 Fixes
CivisRomanus Unofficial Fallout 3 Fixes Cheat Items
CivisRomanus Unofficial Fallout 3 Fixes Dialogues
CivisRomanus Unofficial Fallout 3 Fixes italiano
CivisRomanus Unofficial Fallout 3 Fixes Optional
Clean-Deluxe - Dust Away vO-22
Clean-Deluxe - Paper-Shredder
Clean-Deluxe - Rock-Out
Clean-Deluxe GOTY Edition
Command Extender
Desolation Flora
Devastated City
Energy Visuals Plus
Enhanced Blood Textures
Enhanced Camera
EXE - Effects teXtures Enhanced - EXE FULL RES V1
Fallout 3 HD Overhaul
Fallout 3 Realistic Wasteland Lighting plus GOTY
Fallout 3 Rebirth - GOTY Version
Fallout Script Extender (FOSE)
Fallout Street Lights - Traduzione Italiana
Fallout Street Lights Version 2
Flashlight v1-5
F03 Redesigned Standard (No DLC) Edition
Games for Windows LIVE Disable
Gutsy Handy Animated Eyes
Helm Pov 2
HR Armored Vault 101 Jumpsuit_4k
Immersive HUD - iHUD
Iron Sights Plus
Kyu's Ballistics F03
Loot Menu
MGs Neat Clutter
MGs Neat Clutter - Ammo box
More Modest T4 - Main
MTUI
no more dots v01
NV Compatibility Skeleton - NVCS Installer
NVAC - New Vegas Anti Crash
Out Of Memory Fix
PCldles03b
Power Armor Footstep SFX vl-2
PowerArmor Increases Height
RADiant Light Overhaul vl.2
Rustic Grass HQ 4K Version 1
Simple Sprint F03
Size Variable HD Moon Cycle Textures - F03 - NickKens Moon Cycle
Smaller Holotapes
Stewie Tweaks
Street Lights Bug Fix
The D.C. Interiors Project - DCinteriors_combo Edition Total Merge
TYPE4 - Body and Armors - T4 - Main
TYPE4 F03 - Body and Armors - T4 - Main
UIO - User Interface Organizer
Updated Unofficial Fallout 3 Patch - OGG
Vandr HD Creatures
Wastelander Backpacks
Weapon Enhancement Pack
Wider Street Lights
zzjay's body and face textures workshop - Type 3 - 4 and 6 - 00 - Default Version - CORE

I am in a love triangle. Two girls are in love with me.
It's like one of those Romance movies I watch, and problem is I was the main focus of the love triangle. This sounds like out of a movie.
For some context I(15m) and my bsf, let's just call her Ashley(15f) had been friends since childhood. There was never really going on between us- I mean people had been shipping us ever since we were kids and my mom still teases me to this day that we will end up together. I just brush those aside because to be honest I felt no romantic feelings towards Ashely( at the time) but it all changed during Valentine's Day at School.
Now Ashley is bisexual, she dates both boys and girls. When we were thirteen I was the first one of our friends to support her on coming out as bisexual when she was dating this girl. Unfortunately her girlfriend cheated on her with a guy and their relationship only lasted five months. After that she dated guys, I don't remember how many guys but if I can accurately estimate it was around two guys.
During lunch at Valentine's day at school, she gave me chocolates for being a good friend. I asked her" Don't you have a boyfriend?" When I asked that she brushed me off and said" Nah! We broke up."
I told her thanks and gave her the chocolate I had bought for my crush( she rejected me so I gave it to Ashley instead) and when she received it she gave me a look which I can only describe as romantic love. We both laughed it off and continued to the next period. The few days after that was normal, but next Monday my homeroom teacher introduced an exchange student from another school. This was weird, because it was in the middle of the school year. My homeroom tasked me with showing her around school and I did.
Let's call call her Alexa- Now Alexa transferred to my school because her dad had a new job so her family moved in my city and she and I have a lot in common. She was bold and started flirting with me as a joke, now I noticed that Ashley did not seem to like that. She did not really do anything, she was busy with her club and her upcoming competition at the time and along with her grades so she did not seem to bother with the fact that I was spending more time with Alexa.
Ashley ended up in second place(congratulations girl!), she searched for me at the crowd and I congratulated her. She seemed to be happy, but her mood changes when she sees me alongside Alexa who was " very" close to me. She shot a glare at Alexa before directing her focus to me. She invited me to come with her since her team alongside her coach is going to this Italian. I politely declined and told her I was going at Alexa's place to finish our science research.
Ashley nodded, I could tell she was hurt but she tried to play it off cool and went to celebrate with her team.
Alexa asked me if I was dating her, I said no and and told her that she was a childhood friend.
Ever since that Ashley avoided me and made up excuses on why we can't hang out like we used to. Being the direct person I am, I asked her why she's acting like that. She ignored me and went to her class(rude) and after school I chased her at the terminal. I asked her again, which resulted in her snarling at me and telling me that I now have Alexa. I was confused at the time and told Ashley that Alexa is just a friend and that she is dating another guy so there's no need to worry.
Then Ashley glared at me and said that Alexa broke up with her current boyfriend after three weeks. I was dumbfounded on how a relationship can end that fast.
This month Ashley confessed thru text that she likes me very much and had romantic feelings for me ever since childhood. My heart pumped like a thousand times reading her heartfelt confession, but then I remember that this was the type of girl whose relationships ends very fast.
As for Alexa she had been making a move on me after she broke up with her boyfriend. I only knew this girl for three months, and seeing how her relationships ends I am skeptical of even starting a relationship with her. I don't really know much about her, unlike Ashley whom I knew since we were like six.
But despite that I am starting to develop feelings for both girls. I am blind to a person's red flags, and I had never been in a relationship before. Right now I can't say who I like more because of how conflicted I felt. Any advice will do. For the time being I won't make any move since I'm more busy on my graduation and getting into 10th grade.
Alexa and Ashley too, they are busy. Though Ashley will sweep in every time she gets, whenever I have free time she will invite me to hang out where she will show signs like hugging me more tightly, being more possessive and being more serious.
I'm trying to distract myself with playing games, doing hobbies and going outside. Just give advice, people of reddit. I am an insecure, immature, inexperienced guy who has never been in a relationship.
Don't mind the grammar and spelling mistakes since English is not my first language. I left out huge details and I made this look like out of a slice of life anime, but this is driving me crazy. Both girls are driving me crazy. I know people in the comments will say" Go for Ashley" but I need your thoughts please.

Hi guys my modded Fallout 3 is without HUD, it never activates, and when I approach to talk to someone the interaction is black, I tried setting the gamma color from the menu (and it is the standard) and even tried disabling all mods (even Immersive HUD, which should equally show the HUD when you perform certain actions) but it doesn't appear at all!
I also downloaded Pulse ENB by downloading the ReShades and putting them in the game folder (also replacing dxgi and d3d9, now I don't remember the process exactly), I'm afraid the problem might be coming from there although I wouldn't know how that's possible.
This is my list of mods:
00 - Improved Male Vanilla Body - FOMOD Installer
4K Capital Wastescape with 4K Normals
Accurate Stars 4k
AmaccurzerO's Animated Wasteland
Andy's Darker Grass v2
Animated Interior Decorations
Animated Park Equipment v4 big update
Animated Statics - Anim
Animated Utility Poles (Ashens2014) Fallout 3
Animated Wasteland Trees (recommended)
Animation Compilation (First Person)
Animation Compilation (Third Person)
Archivelnvalidation Invalidated - Program Version - Recommended
ATMOS Ambient Sound Overhaul
CivisRomanus Unofficial Fallout 3 Dialogues Fixes - italiano
CivisRomanus Unofficial Fallout 3 Fixes
CivisRomanus Unofficial Fallout 3 Fixes Cheat Items
CivisRomanus Unofficial Fallout 3 Fixes Dialogues
CivisRomanus Unofficial Fallout 3 Fixes italiano
CivisRomanus Unofficial Fallout 3 Fixes Optional
Clean-Deluxe - Dust Away vO-22
Clean-Deluxe - Paper-Shredder
Clean-Deluxe - Rock-Out
Clean-Deluxe GOTY Edition
Command Extender
Desolation Flora
Devastated City
Energy Visuals Plus
Enhanced Blood Textures
Enhanced Camera
EXE - Effects teXtures Enhanced - EXE FULL RES V1
Fallout 3 HD Overhaul
Fallout 3 Realistic Wasteland Lighting plus GOTY
Fallout 3 Rebirth - GOTY Version
Fallout Script Extender (FOSE)
Fallout Street Lights - Traduzione Italiana
Fallout Street Lights Version 2
Flashlight v1-5
F03 Redesigned Standard (No DLC) Edition
Games for Windows LIVE Disable
Gutsy Handy Animated Eyes
Helm Pov 2
HR Armored Vault 101 Jumpsuit_4k
Immersive HUD - iHUD
Iron Sights Plus
Kyu's Ballistics F03
Loot Menu
MGs Neat Clutter
MGs Neat Clutter - Ammo box
More Modest T4 - Main
MTUI
no more dots v01
NV Compatibility Skeleton - NVCS Installer
NVAC - New Vegas Anti Crash
Out Of Memory Fix
PCldles03b
Power Armor Footstep SFX vl-2
PowerArmor Increases Height
RADiant Light Overhaul vl.2
Rustic Grass HQ 4K Version 1
Simple Sprint F03
Size Variable HD Moon Cycle Textures - F03 - NickKens Moon Cycle
Smaller Holotapes
Stewie Tweaks
Street Lights Bug Fix
The D.C. Interiors Project - DCinteriors_combo Edition Total Merge
TYPE4 - Body and Armors - T4 - Main
TYPE4 F03 - Body and Armors - T4 - Main
UIO - User Interface Organizer
Updated Unofficial Fallout 3 Patch - OGG
Vandr HD Creatures
Wastelander Backpacks
Weapon Enhancement Pack
Wider Street Lights
zzjay's body and face textures workshop - Type 3 - 4 and 6 - 00 - Default Version - CORE

my boyfriend caught feelings for my friend and once he realized he told her they can’t be getting close anymore, he wasn’t planning on telling me until the girl said she would tell if he didn’t. Before this he snapped other girls, saved pictures of them in chat and complimented them. But this the girl he caught feelings for he told her he was losing feelings for me and wanted to break up with me and called her the prettiest girl he’s met. He said he don’t know why he did that and he wasn’t thinking when he said those type of things.
When he told me about it i broke up with him. He’s always been really sweet to me and he seems very genuine. I don’t know how to trust him again because he keeps on talking to girls when things get bad. He bought me stuff before and said he would do anything to make this up to me and he seems very genuine, he unadded every girl on snap and deleted a few socials without me asking.
He’s my best friend and i’m his best friend so we’ve been texting a lot still and it seems like it never happened other than me making jokes about it to him to cope with it. He’s been calling me love and baby things like that. He begged me to stay with him but i told him i need time and we could maybe try in the future but i don’t know if it’s a good idea.
I trusted him with everything and it seemed like he would’ve never cheated on me, he changed my perspective on love since this is the first time i’ve gotten cheated on, he was my first with a lot of things and we clicked really fast. I just don’t know how i’ll find someone as good as him other than the cheating.

I apologize in advance, as english is not my first language. Pretty much everything here I've translated on google. Two weeks ago, my wife (F26) and I (M30) were at a party, her father's birthday party. It was going well, then her parents ntroduced us to an old couple of friends of theirs, from when they were around our age, and their daughter (F29) too, who I recognized as an old friend from high school. Let's call her Andrea (fictional name). For context, me and my wife are not the jealous type, as our relationship is based on trust, and has always been. So, when Andrea and I sat together on a table and started talking, my wife didn't mind it, and stayed with her family. I remember Andrea as being the fun kid when we were in highschool, and she was still just as funny. We're laughing and having a good time, and she started getting a bit "touchy", but nothing worth worrying about, I thought. I was wrong. She was definitely getting touchy, feeling my arms and asking if I started working out and this type of stuff. That's when I fucked up, because I didn't stop her. In fact, I held her hips at some point, and then my wife came in. She was obviously jealous and angry, but didn't make a scene. She started asking Andrea if she's married, or has a boyfriend, that type of territorial stuff, and at some point, Andrea got uncomfortable and excused herself. I told my wife she was being rude, and she started accusing me or flirting with Andrea. Of course I told her I wasn't, that she was overreacting and Andrea was just an old friend, but my wife insisted that I was flirting and cheating. Then I got mad. Cheating? I snapped at her and said she was being childish and insecure, overreacting. What then if I was enjoying the attention? It is definitely not the same as cheating, is it? She then said something that made me go silent, something along the lines of "cheating starts in thought, you don't need to have sex with someone else to cheat". I insisted I didn't cheat on her, and that I never would, but she just gave up on arguing and tried to enjoy the party with her family. When we got home, later that night, my wife was silent. I didn't say anything either, just assumed that we were over it, since she didn't bring it up. For the next couple weeks, she still didn't mention anything, and neither did I. We didn't talk much, and she was also never in the mood for any intimacy. I thought it was okay, and that everything would be back to normal in a week or two. It didn't, and now I know I made all the wrong decisions. Last night when I got home, my wife was in our bedroom, staring at herself in the mirror with a grimace. I asked if she was alright, and she just shake her head. I kept asking what was wrong, and she broke down in tears saying she looked hideous. For context, my wife is far from hideous. To me, she's the complete opposite, and so to everyone else. I'm not exaggerating when I say she can't even go out for groceries without people ciming to compliment her beauty and her nice hair. So, to hear she say that, it broke me. Of course I told her she's beautiful, but she kept on sobbing and saying she never felt so ugly before. I didn't know what to do or say, I just held her and kept telling her just how pretty she is, but she had that apathetic and gloomy expression on her face, and kept crying herself to sleep. I'm writing this as she sleeps besides me. My heart is completely broken, and I just wish I could go back in time and never hurt her in the first place. My wife mean everything to me, and I don't know how to fix things. Has anyone here ever been through something like this? How do I make my wife feel pretty and special again?

I (21M) have recently got back in contact with a girl (20F) I was really close with at one point in my life. It ended pretty badly, about 2.5 years ago, after 3 years of on and off type stuff, but about a week ago her name popped up and I figured it had been long enough that we could catch up and it not be weird or there be any emotional stuff.
We got to talking and after a few days, it got a bit flirty. Nothing crazy, but it was comfortable so, you know, why not? She was giving me the same energy back. I don’t really trust this girl after the way she hurt me in the past so I made it VERY clear early on that it was just flirty chatting, nothing more, and she was fine with that.
Aside from the flirting we spoke about a lot of things…her ex, my ex, our relationships that hadn’t worked out, why she was still working the same dead end job she had been since 16 even though she had qualifications in engineering, lots of things about her life both past and most definitely currently.
Fast forward to last night and we’re talking some more and I realised she kept disappearing. When I’d ask ‘what’ve you done today?’ she’d say ‘I’ve been out’, which is kind of out of character for her. Like I said we were super close to the point where I can read her like a book, and every time we’ve spoke since getting back into contact there’s been no evasiveness until I’d ask about her day.
I’m no idiot, and I know her well enough to know she was hiding something from me so I asked her straight up ‘what aren’t you telling me’ and she told me that she’s seeing someone. I asked ‘is he your boyfriend?’ She replied ‘kind of’.
I was more concerned with getting a straight yes or no, because if this guy is her boyfriend and not a situationship or something I’ve been unintentionally homewrecking for the past 3 weeks. She told me they broke up but she’s been seeing him again a lot recently but doesn’t know how she feels about it because me and her started talking again.
She told me he’s really controlling and it was nice for her to feel free again for a bit. I used to be a support worker for victims of abuse so I understand why people go back, but that’s even if it’s true and she’s not exaggerating as a form of damage control, I really don’t know.
I’ve tried to advise her and help her, in amongst the flirting we’ve had some really serious conversations about her life stagnating. She’s never looked for another job even though she’s hated hers for years (since 16), refuses to go to the gym because she’s scared of people, won’t eat more than 1 meal a day even though she knows she’s getting to a dangerous level and keeps going back to this abusive guy cos she’s scared of being alone, and the only thing that might change one of those things is her latching on to me rather than Mr control freak, which she admitted herself.
I feel slightly guilty for getting annoyed about it but it’s so frustrating trying day-in day-out to help someone who says they want your help but refuse to take even the smallest step. I feel a bit hopeless, and I don’t want to cut her off again but if it keeps draining me like this I don’t want to sacrifice my own happiness to help someone unwilling to accept the help she’s asking for.
She’s got no healthy coping mechanisms at all and every day I’m trying to at least start getting used to the idea, asking if she’s eaten or just chip away at that social anxiety so she starts working out and meeting new people, but I also don’t want her to attach herself to me because I don’t feel that way about her at all, emotionally anyway, something I’ve communicated to her multiple times in the past few weeks, and knowing I’ve technically helped her cheat even though the guys an asshole doesn’t make me feel good at all.
I care about her a lot, and I just see the potential she has, I know healing is a process, but it seems like the only time she’s willing to do anything is if I tell her to do it, all she says when I ask her what she’s been doing for 3 years I’ve not been around is ‘just nothing haha’ or ‘I don’t know’.
She won’t talk to her friends cos she’s the ‘happy friend’…but she’s never even tried talking to them, she’s just bottled it all up and then as soon as I’ve appeared again she’s dumped everything on me and it’s a little bit draining, on top of the dragging me into her messy relationship by not telling me about the other guy straight away.
Yeah, pretty crazy, and idk if that all even makes sense I’m sure you can grasp how messy it is from how all over the place that story is. There’s so much more to it but yeah, just needed to get it off my chest.

I (21M) met my gf (21F) back in July last year. She was in a long term (2 years) rs with her bf at the time. We started talking more, and she confessed in September, and initially, I said no as she had a bf and I wasn't OK with that. She broke up with him, and I wanted to give her time, but she kept pushing and saying that the breakup was a long time coming and I just accelerated it. We started talking more and began a situationship type of thing. Everything was fine until 1 day her ex told her he regretted her, and now she didn't want to start anything with me.
At this point, I chose no contact as I was starting to fall for her. She begged me not to leave and just stay friends, but i couldn't do it. Then December hits, and she asks me to try again, even going as far as messaging my best friend to ask me to try again because she was madly in love with me, and i gave in. The first 2 months were great, and we had loads of fun that was until uni exams started, and she failed.
After that, she was just depressed and kept arguing with me about lifestyle, goals, and the future. She also told me that during arguments, my words affected her so much that she would cut herself. She started becoming suicidal and no matter what we did, it wouldn't get better. She would say she loved me so much and how it could never compare to her ex and that I was too important for her everytime I tried to break up for the sake of her mental health.she kept saying that she wasn't in the right state of mind to be un a relationship and how she needed to change and go back to how she was during her teens as a non chalant person to be happy again. We kept having these fights the last month, and she looked visibly miserable, so I forced a breakup so she could focus on herself and get better without the added pressure of me and the relationship.
After the breakup, she told me to just stick right here and that she was gonna get better and we d try again. 2 days later, she messages me asking me to unfollow her from socials as she realised she wasn't coming back. This really bothered me, so I went to see her in person, and she told me she was still in love with her ex and told me to let her go if I loved her. Later that night, she messages me and says that she thinks she never loved me and was only in love with the idea of me because she was willing to change for her ex and not me. The change in questions is her self-destructive drug abuse during her teens, where she admits she was out all the time. This was something I was not okay with and didn't condone even in moderation as she said she had it in control this time.
One day, I was the love of her life, and the next, she thought she never even loved me. One day, her ex didn't even compare to me, and the next, i could never compare to her ex. She never lost contact with the ex, and even though I wasn't comfortable with it, she kept saying that he needed someone to be there for him and that he had no one. She said it would change with time as he found someone else.
I am confused as to whether i was just a regular rebound or if she has bpd, and this was doomed to fail anyway. I am in a lot of pain because I went really deep with her and loved her. Some signs she exhibits of bpd 1. Fear of abandonment 2. Intense relationships, even with her friends 3. Self harm 4. Unstable sense of self (i think so as she kept saying she wanted to change as a person to be happier ) 5.presistant feeling of emptiness. (She told me she felt like she was watching herself from afar) 6. She is very impulsive.
She never had extreme moodswings or anger issues but would run away from arguments when I would be trying to figure out a solution.
I guess I am asking these questions to have some peace of mind. Eitherways according to her, she never loved me, and somehow, I can't accept that after being told otherwise for 4 months straight. Was she just being delusional and trying to make this relationship work as her previous one failed, or is she actually sick? Her previous rs was quite stable until the end until she emotionally cheated, I guess, and before that, she hadn't been in anything long term

I’ve been struggling with opiate addiction for over a year now and am planning another trip to rehab.
I found a girl in my hometown who I love dearly. She’s sweet, passionate and empathetic with animals and my family really loves her.
When I met her I’d been selling drugs (cocaine, mainly) as a means to provide for myself. I was living with my parents at the time and would only use my own supply on occasion.
Fast forward a year and we’re consistently doing drugs together in a condo that I’d rented, I learn more about her messed up childhood and how she had been neglected, see the neglect with my own eyes and end up sympathizing deeply for her. She tells me she just wants to die and that the thoughts of death are so comforting to her.
I’d been so consumed by selling drugs that I’d left her at the apartment alone for nights on end while I was out selling, thinking I was ‘providing’ for her. She spiralled into addiction due to also having access to all of these substances. At this point we’re constantly under turmoil and chaos from my lifestyle (junkies showing up, police doing sweeps, me on edge awaiting conflict). She ends up cheating on me after feeling neglected (I had cheated on her prior and thus forgave her, I was a scumbag) and we fall apart for a bit.
I find out she’s pregnant weeks later, we end up having an ultrasound and subsequently an abortion. This devastates her, as she’d become attached to the baby as had I. During this period we’d broken up but I’d gotten back together with her after seeing the pain of losing her child and feeling so much for her. I could tell she wanted nothing more than to be a mother.
She ended up trying to take her own life by slitting her wrists out of pure anguish and misery. This broke my heart and put her in to psychiatric care.
Fast forward a few months: I just get out of rehab, she got out of the psych unit and we’re together. I’m back at my parents sitting on my ass doing drugs after a stint in rehab and praying to god for guidance. My mental health and social skills are completely deteriorated. I’m planning another trip to rehab as I’m writing this, but don’t want keep her hostage to such a toxic lifestyle. She seems to really want nothing more than to be a mother, but I’m a terrible influence on her constantly doing drugs in front of her and drinking with her at my parents. All we do all day is rot in bed and watch TV hoping things will get better.
She’s struggling with her mental health and I don’t know how to save her, free her or myself. I’m worried that if I end things she will kill herself, or think I don’t love her. I was thinking of buying her a car with my savings as she lives in very unfortunate circumstances, just so she can have a means of transport and get on her feet. She loves animals and I just want to see her blossom, but don’t know how to go about this and have both of us survive.
Sorry for how messy this is. Hard to type when I’m in this much pain. I have relationship based OCD, terrible anxiety and depression since I was a child.
TL;DR im deep in addiction and can’t let go of a girl im watching suffer who wants nothing more than to be a mother and love me. I love her but think im poisoning her and will just cause great pain for the both of us as my every thought is consumed by her.

I've lost all feelings, empathy, pain. I don't feel anything anymore
I don't even know why I'm not even posting this on a fake account or whatever but I don't care. I just wanted to write this out and maybe someone can relate with me because frankly, I am just alone.
Long story short, my youth was amazing. I had friends, loved my school, loved life, and was happy. I don't ever remember not smiling. Then at 13, my parents moved countries, and my life came crumbling down. From the age of 13 onwards, I was bullied. People picked on me, threw stuff at me—you name it. I was just a sweet kid who loved nature and was kind. My parents loved me, I was happy, and the world ruined me. I was bullied, harassed, beat up. I was a poor innocent 13-year-old who came to a "new world" of bullies. It ruined me. From 13-15, I hated every second of my life, lost my smile, lost weight, lost everything. I became angry, distant, and lost myself in video games to ease the pain and suffering.
I may delete this post; I don't know why I'm typing this, but it feels good for someone to read this if anyone reads this. I was broken, hurt, and hated everything and everyone. Then, at 15, I decided enough was enough. I went all in on learning how to fight—boxing, Muay Thai, anything that could hurt people back. At 16, I became really good without being arrogant. I decided to move schools to try to finish my remaining three years of high school comfortably without hating every second. New school, same story—got picked on, fights, etc. Long story short, everyone that tried to fight me regretted that decision. I know this sounds cringe, but I'm being honest. People stopped fighting me, people stopped annoying me. Everyone stopped. I was finally at peace, you could say. I was never a bad person, never the demon I have now become. I was a sweet kid who loved life and the world hurt me. I spent those three years of high school quite comfortably; not a single person dared to annoy me. I never annoyed or bullied anyone, by the way. I only defended myself from being attacked.
I fixed my skin, fixed my hair, got a killer body, made some good money, started becoming nicer again, more myself, tried to find a girlfriend, friends, tried new activities and groups, yet no one wanted to socialize with me. The only people that ever talked to me wanted something (I come from a good family). I don't really know the flow of this message; it's just coming out of my brain, and I'm typing. I finished high school, and to this day (I'm in my 20s), I have massive problems socializing and talking to people. I'm nice, not rude, not arrogant—nothing. Girls ignore me and date the bad boys who later abuse them.
I am now in my 20s, and ever since I was 17, I've realized I feel nothing anymore. I always get into arguments with my family as they think it's fine—they say they've been bullied before, but there is only so much words can describe. I am very easily annoyed and feel terrible. Sometimes I get angry over stupid stuff like if the food cold or like someone drives too slow. Only one person in my life has ever believed my story and felt empathy for me, and that person lived a similar story to me.
I also lost most of my family. I found out they were talking behind my back, saying rude things about me and my parent and they didn't really like me and were very jealous. When I confronted them, they stopped talking to me. My parents don't understand the years of suffering I endured and the things I did to myself. I used to train and fight shadows for hours. I would punch bags so hard my skin would rip off. I'd scream so hard my throat hurt. I now feel nothing. No pain, no happiness, no empathy, nothing.
I was in a car accident recently—a drunk driver drove into me. I broke both arms and felt nothing. I felt pain, but no anger, no guilt, nothing. I've seen horrible things and felt nothing. The world has turned me cold and broken. I crave a social life, a girlfriend, someone, you know? I want someone to fix me, love me, lift me up. I want someone...
I am a good person, not a sociopath. If I ever find a girlfriend or a wife, I'd give her the world and love her to death. I would never cheat on her or anything. I know so many people who get infinite girlfriends that are stunning and treat them like shit, and the girls still love them. I am a good person deep down, but right now I am experiencing severe social rejection, and my past follows me. I now prefer to go out a night to avoid people. Seeing happy couples and friend groups makes me angry and sad. The only time I feel anything is when I drive insanely fast at night with my bike. Stupid I know. But I feel nothing. I also don’t put other people in dangers as I do it on remote roads.
I don't want this post to sound cringe or for people to make fun of me because I "bragged" about being able to fight. If you do, I'll probably delete it and this account. Admins, delete this if it's not allowed, but perhaps someone has experienced something similar to me and can help me?

Me(M20) and my girlfriend(F20) got together after months of healing from our past relationships, I switched schools 3 hours away from her because of my family. She has an online friend of two years named Jin(M21), and me and my girlfriend only got to know each other for a year or less. Our relationship was going nicely till the fourth month, arguments sparks and there are often misunderstandings. There were breakup attempts and so on.
Comes the ninth month of our relationship and my girlfriend confessed to me that Jin just confessed his feelings to her and came to realization that most of our arguments and misunderstandings came from Jin telling her that I might be cheating on her and I might be the same person as the one she dated before me (he cheated). Jin told her that he knows her better than me and that I'll just cheat one day without even knowing me at all. She blocked him and things went smoothly and nicely again.
Until... Jin tried to communicate with my girlfriend again through her other online friend and apologized for what he said and did so that they can go back in good terms, she forgave him but I didn't buy his crocodile tears (he cried lmao). However, after a week or so he tried asking her for a sleepover or a hangout but my girlfriend didn't accept it then I tried to say hi and told him to apologize to me at least since he haven't apologized to me yet then he started yapping that I'm a cheater like my girlfriend's ex, my girlfriend stood up and told him to fuck off. He still keep telling her and trying to manipulate her into thinking that I'm the bad guy and will soon cheat on her. But my girlfriend just told him to never talk to her ever again.
How the hell do I even handle these types of people barging in relationships just to try and ruin it.
TL;DR he basically tried to ruin our relationship by telling her sensitive stuffs that I might be doing behind her back, how do I handle these types of people? And how do I reassure my girlfriend that I'll never do such things?

I’ve been struggling with opiate addiction for over a year now and am planning another trip to rehab.
I found a girl in my hometown who I love dearly. She’s sweet, passionate and empathetic with animals and my family really loves her.
When I met her I’d been selling drugs (cocaine, mainly) as a means to provide for myself. I was living with my parents at the time and would only use my own supply on occasion.
Fast forward a year and we’re consistently doing drugs together in a condo that I’d rented, I learn more about her messed up childhood and how she had been neglected, see the neglect with my own eyes and end up sympathizing deeply for her. She tells me she just wants to die and that the thoughts of death are so comforting to her.
I’d been so consumed by selling drugs that I’d left her at the apartment alone for nights on end while I was out selling, thinking I was ‘providing’ for her. She spiralled into addiction due to also having access to all of these substances. At this point we’re constantly under turmoil and chaos from my lifestyle (junkies showing up, police doing sweeps, me on edge awaiting conflict). She ends up cheating on me after feeling neglected (I had cheated on her prior and thus forgave her, I was a scumbag) and we fall apart for a bit.
I find out she’s pregnant weeks later, we end up having an ultrasound and subsequently an abortion. This devastates her, as she’d become attached to the baby as had I. During this period we’d broken up but I’d gotten back together with her after seeing the pain of losing her child and feeling so much for her. I could tell she wanted nothing more than to be a mother.
She ended up trying to take her own life by slitting her wrists out of pure anguish and misery. This broke my heart and put her in to psychiatric care.
Fast forward a few months: I just get out of rehab, she got out of the psych unit and we’re together. I’m back at my parents sitting on my ass doing drugs after a stint in rehab and praying to god for guidance. My mental health and social skills are completely deteriorated. I’m planning another trip to rehab as I’m writing this, but don’t want keep her hostage to such a toxic lifestyle. She seems to really want nothing more than to be a mother, but I’m a terrible influence on her constantly doing drugs in front of her and drinking with her at my parents. All we do all day is rot in bed and watch TV hoping things will get better.
She’s struggling with her mental health and I don’t know how to save her, free her or myself. I’m worried that if I end things she will kill herself, or think I don’t love her. I was thinking of buying her a car with my savings as she lives in very unfortunate circumstances, just so she can have a means of transport and get on her feet. She loves animals and I just want to see her blossom, but don’t know how to go about this and have both of us survive.
Sorry for how messy this is. Hard to type when I’m in this much pain.

I’ve been struggling with opiate addiction for over a year now and am planning another trip to rehab.
I found a girl in my hometown who I love dearly. She’s sweet, passionate and empathetic with animals and my family really loves her.
When I met her I’d been selling drugs (cocaine, mainly) as a means to provide for myself. I was living with my parents at the time and would only use my own supply on occasion.
Fast forward a year and we’re consistently doing drugs together in a condo that I’d rented, I learn more about her messed up childhood and how she had been neglected, see the neglect with my own eyes and end up sympathizing deeply for her. She tells me she just wants to die and that the thoughts of death are so comforting to her.
I’d been so consumed by selling drugs that I’d left her at the apartment alone for nights on end while I was out selling, thinking I was ‘providing’ for her. She spiralled into addiction due to also having access to all of these substances. At this point we’re constantly under turmoil and chaos from my lifestyle (junkies showing up, police doing sweeps, me on edge awaiting conflict). She ends up cheating on me after feeling neglected (I had cheated on her prior and thus forgave her, I was a scumbag) and we fall apart for a bit.
I find out she’s pregnant weeks later, we end up having an ultrasound and subsequently an abortion. This devastates her, as she’d become attached to the baby as had I. During this period we’d broken up but I’d gotten back together with her after seeing the pain of losing her child and feeling so much for her. I could tell she wanted nothing more than to be a mother.
She ended up trying to take her own life by slitting her wrists out of pure anguish and misery. This broke my heart and put her in to psychiatric care.
Fast forward a few months: I just get out of rehab, she got out of the psych unit and we’re together. I’m back at my parents sitting on my ass doing drugs after a stint in rehab and praying to god for guidance. My mental health and social skills are completely deteriorated. I’m planning another trip to rehab as I’m writing this, but don’t want keep her hostage to such a toxic lifestyle. She seems to really want nothing more than to be a mother, but I’m a terrible influence on her constantly doing drugs in front of her and drinking with her at my parents. All we do all day is rot in bed and watch TV hoping things will get better.
She’s struggling with her mental health and I don’t know how to save her, free her or myself. I’m worried that if I end things she will kill herself, or think I don’t love her. I was thinking of buying her a car with my savings as she lives in very unfortunate circumstances, just so she can have a means of transport and get on her feet. She loves animals and I just want to see her blossom, but don’t know how to go about this and have both of us survive.
Sorry for how messy this is. Hard to type when I’m in this much pain.

Actual legit player here. Today I’m gonna go through my analysis of the types of personalities that cheat in cs. The final one I respect.

1. Literal twink with degradation fetish:

Now I don’t use twink derogatorily, I mean it factually. Actual gay 140 pound femboys who love being degraded by big sweaty angry online men, they get off on it. Like actually. I say this with confidence because I’ve had the gayest sounding cheater randoms on my team before. Very sassy. One time I had one “not leaving spawn until you apologize to me” cause I called him out for cheats and said he’s being way too obvious. (We won anyways).

1. Guys who like making other people upset:

These guys’ usernames are always something like: “valorunt pro”, “I’m better than you”, “cs god”. You name it, they want to get on your nerves, they love it, it’s why they cheat, they love attention even if it’s negative. (I’ve had games where if you just ignore their shit talk in chat and don’t go all “YOU’RE WHAT’S WRONG WITH THIS GAME CHEATER SCUM KYS I HATE YOU GAHHH THIS ONE GAME IS SO IMPORTANT TO ME.” they literally just teamkill eachother and abandon til they’re all gone. If there’s no reaction to them it’s a waste of time. These guys often spam chat with slurs lol.

1. Guys who cheat because they want praise from their team:

Although we need a psych evaluation on #2 these guys are far more fascinating to me, mentally anyways. Also depressing. These are the guys who just maybe need some friends, who just want to be recognized for something positive and cool. But they suck!!! Or they just don’t want to put in the work, either way these guys are usually meek and softer spoken. They just could use a hug or something. Typically actually pretty nice guys, like I said, incredibly depressing. I’ve had some of these guys get apologetic and sad sounding when you call them out with certainty. Bummer.

1. The guy who needs to justify his cheats:

Ever hit a nice one deag (or even a regular ol easy shot) and the guy with the brand new account goes “lol” or “k” or “yeah right”? (a million ways to accuse someone of hacks without outright saying it). Then for the rest of the game just blatantly cheats lol. I’ve had these guys ‘toggle’ (they were def cheating before) because of HEADSHOTS ON PISTOL ROUND. Absolutely retard levels of cope in this archetype. I guess if you’re a cheating trashcan that means anyone better than you is also cheating. Wild shit.

1. The blatant waller who ‘heard you’:

These guys feel the need to type in chat after EVERY KILL (not just one but every single one almost) that you did something to reveal yourself. You might say “well maybe they did hear you, why accuse them?” No. These guys, without ANY accusations in chat will justify from the get-go how they get every single kill. Imagine someone kills you and types “wtf I’m not cheating.” When they were never prompted once. Not even with a “?”.

1. Cheater accusing others of cheating:

Well well well looks like little retard closet shitter met a bigger fish. These guys are more of a subset of closet cheaters and not their own type. I’ve had guys who blatantly closet all game and will CRY in the chat that someone MUST be cheating on the other team. I mean how could he possibly not be able to kill these guys right? MUST BE CHEATING. These guys differ from #4 a bit cause these guys don’t ragehack but just cry and cry in all chat. They never turn it up a notch. Just continuing to trace ppl through walls yet their preaims are dogshit. Go play Roblox or something if you can’t go positive with cheats. Weird statistic is these guys sound fatter than the other cheaters, every time. Like especially with extra fat on their necks cause it creates a specific fat guy acoustic.

1. The guy hiding his cheats so hard he’s USELESS:

This one is particularly funny, watching these guys’ pov is always interesting cause at one point in the game you’ll be watch him check some insane obscure off angle perfectly then for the rest of the game buddy is a braindead retard. These guys will willingly swing looking the wrong ways to sell it, or just do shit that doesn’t make sense in terms of gamesense (for all you retarded cheaters out there, a part of gamesense is your understanding of where the enemies could be due to your DEDUCTION SKILLS and not walls, crazy I know). These guys never spray through smokes, and react purposefully slow to killing enemies on the edges of smokes. Any normal player wouldn’t bother considering what looks sus if they know when/why they’re spamming walls/smokes. Definitely play it way too safe.

1. Lastly, but not least. The only cheater archetype I have any kind of respect for:

THE CHINESE BUSINESSMEN.
These guys will not say or type anything all game. Strictly business only, they don’t care what anyone says to them. These fine gentlemen are just simply ranking up the account, then selling them. These guys actually get some of value out of their time. Probably not a lot of money, but still money. Truly just entrepreneurs of an era. Hats off to them.
Did I miss any? Let me know. These are just the personalities I’ve run into. You’re all such interesting people I can’t wait to meet more of you.

Below you will find a weekly reminder of our Rules and partial FAQ. It's definitely a long read, but it's worth your time, especially if you are new to the community, or dropping by as a result of a link you found elsewhere. We periodically revise our rules, this weekly notice will help keep you informed of any changes made.
NOTE: These rules are guidelines. Some moderation discretion is to be expected.

Community Rules

1. Kindness Matters

Advise, don't criticize.

• Post with empathy, thoughtfulness, and constructive commentary rather than judgment. Don't be an asshole.
• Name-calling, slurs (including gender or race based slurs), and insults towards other community members will not be tolerated. Do not attack others for their personally held values, custody situation, marital status, physical distance from stepkids, or economic status; or on the basis of race, sex, sexual orientation, age, religion, or ethnicity.
• No name-calling toward children, including the above-mentioned insults or the term "skids", or terms such as "mini-wife" or "mini-husband."
• Comments advocating spanking or any mention of wanting to harm children are not allowed.
• This is a support sub, not a judgement sub, assholes are not tolerated. Comments with terms used in other subs to pass judgement on assholes will be removed.

2. No Drama

This is a support sub.

• Bickering, nitpicking, and thread derailment will not be tolerated and will be subject to removal at moderator discretion.
• Do not repeatedly badger a poster demanding answers, or refuse to acknowledge an answer that's already been given.
• Do not use sensitive issues from past posts (either from this sub or other subs) to attack another user, as we are all discussing vulnerable topics.
• Crossposting anything from /stepparents to any other subreddit might result in a ban and may result in the original thread being locked. Brigading our sub will result in an immediate ban.

3. Report, Don’t Rant

No backseat modding.

• If you see someone breaking the rules, report the post or comment to the mods rather than engaging them in an argument. Failure to do so may be subject to comment removal at moderator discretion.
• No meta posts complaining about rude comments, DMs, or general sub issues.
• If you think someone is a troll or previously banned user, either use the report function or message the mods to direct their attention to the issue.

4. No Naming & Shaming

No userpings or links.

• Tagging/pinging users or other subreddits in an attempt to bully, harass, or complain will not be tolerated. Do not tag other subs, ever.
• If you want to complain about another subreddit being hostile to stepparents, do not name the subreddit. "Other parenting/advice/judgement subs" will suffice.

5. No Platitudes

Nobody knew what they were getting into.

• Comments like "You knew what you were getting into", "Love them, love their kids!", "They're a package deal!" and "You have to love them like your own!" will be removed.
• Comments suggesting that OP is not cut out for stepparenting will be removed at moderator discretion.
• Comments like "This is just a part of parenting, deal with it!" will be removed at moderator discretion.

6. No Trolling

We have zero tolerance for trolls.

• This is a support sub. Our subscribers do not have the time, nor inclination, to provide support to internet trolls. Posts that are suspected to be trolling attempts will be immediately removed, and the poster banned.
• Concern trolling, devil's advocating, gish-galloping, sealioning, and general asshattery are subject to immediate removal and banning without warning or notice.
• Any attempt to circumvent the ban by creating a new username will be reported to reddit admins and possibly result in account suspension.

7. No Personally Identifiable Information

Use discretion when posting.

• We highly recommend using a separate account for support subs to help prevent being doxxed. Do not post any information that may allow others to figure out your identity.
• Do not post photos of children, or any other photo that could be used to identify you or another user on the sub.
• Any image that contains a name or other identifying information should have the name or identifying information blurred out. This includes drawings, notes, and screenshots.
• Do not link to social media or any articles/blogs where you or another user on the sub is mentioned by name.

8. No More than 2 Posts per 24 hours

Use the daily threads.

• We are not a huge sub, but we are no longer a small sub. If you have multiple grievances to air, use the daily discussion threads instead of multiple posts.

9. Follow Reddiquette

Remember the human.

• Adhere to the same standards of behavior online that you follow in real life.
• Read it in full here.
• Downvoting is reserved for comments that don’t contribute, and shouldn't be used to indicate disagreement.
• If you believe someone is in violation of the subreddit rules, please either use the report function or message the mods to direct their attention to the issue.
• Suspected brigading will be reported to reddit admins.

10. No Porn, Spam, Blogs, or Research Studies/Surveys Without Mod Approval

Just don't.

• This is a SFW subreddit. Posting pornography will result in immediate post removal and permanent ban.
• Advertising on the subreddit (outside of Reddit's own advertising) is not allowed.
• No personal blog posts are allowed without express moderator permission.
• No advertising without prior mod approval.
• No asking for money/posting fundraisers/etc.
• For links to parenting research studies or surveys, please message the mods for permission before posting.

11. Disputes in Modmail Only

Don't argue with the mods on the sub.

• Any issues specifically related to how a mod is moderating should be addressed to the full moderating team via mod mail. This ensures that all mods are aware of any concerns and prevents disintegration of the topic thread at hand.
• This means to do not message or send chat requests to individual mods. All discussion and complaints about mod actions need to be done in mod mail ONLY. Failure to follow this rule can result in an immediate permanent ban.
• Comments in threads asking about mod decisions are subject to removal without notice.

12. Moderator Actions

We aren't kidding.

• Users are expected to know the rules before posting. If you are warned or banned for violating the rules, ignorance is not an excuse.
• Moderators will remove posts and comments and/or lock threads in accordance with the rules above. Typically this happens when threads have gone off-topic in a way that is not productive for the OP, or comments overall have become contentious or disrespectful.
• If a poster continues to argue or to willfully violate these rules, temporary and permanent ban procedures will be followed. Any attempts to avoid or bypass temporary bans will result in a permanent ban. User bans will not be discussed in the sub. Questions posted about user bans are subject to removal and the poster subject to warning/ban procedures. The mod team will not discuss a specific user ban with anyone other than the user involved.
• New accounts are subject to manual approval until they are no longer deemed "new" by the mod team. This helps to weed out trolls and ban evaders.
• We rely on Automoderator to scan for specific words and phrases that are not welcome here and notify the mod team to review the comment or post. This includes slurs of any type and platitudes such as "Love them as your own!"
• The mod team uses a combination of blacklisting and banning when dealing with trolls.
• We employ the use of a bot that automatically bans anyone who comments in subs that have historically harassed our users. If you are picked up by the bot for telling trolls to get fucked, reach out via mod mail and we'll get you sorted out.
• The rules above as well as ban procedures are considered guidelines only; some deviation may be necessary on a case by case basis and/or at the mod team's discretion.

13. Ban Procedure

These actions are at moderator discretion.

• Pornography will result in an automatic permanent ban.
• Extremely egregious content will result in an immediate permanent ban.
• You may receive a 7 or 30 day temporary ban for first and second rule violations, depending upon severity.
• Continued rule violations will result in a permanent ban.
• Willful attempts to avoid or bypass temporary bans will result in a permanent ban.
• We recognize the reddit site-wide rules of using alt names to get around bans and will ban those as well as report them to reddit admins.

​
​

FAQ - About the Rules

What does Kindness Matters mean?

• Shortest version? Don't be an asshole. People come here for support and advice, they do not come here to be yelled at or told they are the reason everything is going sideways. There are ways to point out that someone may want to do some reflection on their own actions and reactions without being an asshole about it.
• The purpose of this subreddit is to provide support and a sense of belonging for struggling stepparents. We aren't here to pass judgement, but rather to offer support, empathy, and constructive commentary. That does not include "hard truths" or "tough love." Stepparents get enough of that in every other subreddit, we're not passing it out here. Be respectful.
• Remember, most people aren't going to come to a sub like this when everything is going great and everyone is getting along. People are coming here when they are down, when they are feeling defeated and stretched to the limit. Kicking someone when they are down is shitty behavior and we don't tolerate it.

What about being kind to the kids?

• "Won't somebody think of the children?" Pearl clutching isn't needed here. If you read the Kindness Matters rule closely, you will see that there is a clause in there about name calling children. We don't allow it. We also don't allow people rolling in telling OP that they feel sorry for their stepkids because OP is feeling overwhelmed and overloaded.
• If anyone is advocating slapping, spanking, or any other form of violence, report the comment immediately. We do not advocate violence towards children of any sort. The mod team does not advocate any sort of physical punishment at any time.
• Venting about behaviors is not the same as insulting the kids. However, if you see a post or comment where kids are being name called or dragged to the point of no return, use the report button. We try to catch the posts and remove them before they hit the sub, but we cannot see every comment without your help. Use the report button to bring problematic comments to our attention. Don't engage in a war of words on our subreddit.

Why is this sub such an echo chamber?

• Not allowing contributors to pile on and tell OP that they are a terrible human being who should never be around children does not equate to being an echo chamber. Many contributors here will offer OP suggestions to help them work through their resentments and frustrations, and the most egregious situations are called out. We simply ask that it be called out with respect.
• If you feel that a post is simply too much for you to handle without following the rules, move on to another post.
• If you believe that a post itself is crossing the rules report it. If the mod team has approved the post, it is because the mod team believes that the OP needs help from the community or needs a moment to vent and move on from their vent. That does not give you license to pile on disrespectfully. Unless it is proven that OP is a bot, assume that OP is a human being with real thoughts and feelings and has posted from a place of vulnerability.

Why can't I tell OP that they are an asshole?

• Because this isn't a judgement sub. We aren't AITA, we don't want to be AITA.
• Comments with terms like YTA, NTA, ESH, NAH will be removed.
• Don't start your posts with INFO either. We generally recognize that as a fishing attempt for more information to pass judgement on OP, and again, we are not a judgment sub.

But OP asked if they were an asshole?!

• Their post somehow got past our automoderator. Just use the report button. We will address it with OP.
• If you've asked if you are an asshole, a-hole, a*hole, a**hole, whatever, don't be surprised if your post is removed without warning. This isn't a judgment sub. If you want judgment, you know where to go.

What is a gendered slur?

• While it seems that everyone understands what racist slurs are, people struggle understanding the concept of gendered slurs. Generally speaking, we are talking about derogatory nouns or verbs that are used to negatively describe people or situations based on gendered terms.
• We've gone back and forth on this a few times, and the truth is, we get it, it's your safe space and you want to be able to vent about BM/BD how you want to vent about them, without us telling you how to vent about them. Fair enough. Vent away. What we are going to stick to here how people are referring to other users and to stepchildren.
• Examples that are not allowed:
  • "My SD is such a little bitch."
  • "She dresses/acts like a slut."
  • "My SS acts like a pussy."
  • "My SS is such a beta male."
  • "You are all fucking whores."
  • "Any dude who is raising some sluts kids is a cuck!"
  • "Little Lord Fauntleroy over here thinking he runs the house!"
  • "You're just the bangnanny, get used to it."
• Don't call users here names, don't call stepchildren names.
• Masking the term with asterisks or other neat little tricks might get you around the bot, but if we see it, we're removing it and quite possibly giving you a time out. The intended word is still there and you deliberately tried to skate the rule.
• As there is not enough space to list every term that is offensive and does not belong, nor every situation in which term or phrase may be allowable in context, this rule is enforced based on moderator discretion.

Seriously? You are the language police now?

• We're here to talk about stepparenting. And we would like for that to happen in a respectful way. Attacking each other doesn't help. Belittling stepchildren draws in trolls who don't understand your frustration, all they see is an evil stepmonster talking shit on the internet about a poor, innocent baby. Yes, even if that "poor, innocent baby" just robbed you blind and set fire to the house on their way out the door. That's just how it goes.
• We are aware that this is a relatively new rule and a lot of older posts and comments contain a lot of problematic language, including some from mods themselves. We are growing and evolving, and rules change as the sub grows and evolves.

What does No Drama really mean?

• Pretty much what it says, do not bring drama from other subs into this sub. Do not engage in vote brigades. Do not try to incite other subscribers to riot in a different sub. Don't follow posters into this sub from other subs to continue to harass them. Do not badger someone or derail threads. Do not harass community members because you don't agree with them. There's enough drama in the daily lives of subscribers, more isn't needed.

What is thread derailment?

• When a comment chain has devolved to the point where all you are doing is arguing back and forth with someone about the same thing over and over again, you have derailed the thread. Also known as bickering. It's what children do. We assume if people are in a stepparent role they are adults. We expect you to act like it.
• If you aren't a stepparent, or in a stepparenting role, consider that perhaps this subreddit isn't for you. If you want to participate, do so with respect. Thread derailment, arguing, bickering, and nitpicking are not allowed.

But what if they didn't answer my question?

• No one has to answer your questions. This is a support sub, not an inquisition. Jumping on a bandwagon with "OP is evading the question" in a 20 comment long chain is the epitome of thread derailment. You'll find more information about trolling below and how this might be considered such.

Why am I being silenced? I'm just asking for a back and forth!

• Thread derailment, badgering, and nitpicking are considered harassment. Continued harassment of either community members or mods will get you banned.

Why can't I look at someone's post history and comment about it?

• No mod in the history of this sub has ever once said post histories are forbidden. What we do frown upon is using someone's post history to attack, belittle, or otherwise harass someone.
• Example Post: "My stepkid's mom really hates me. How can I make this better?"
  • Okay: "Based on the timeline and your post history, it looks like this may have started as an affair. Unfortunately there's going to be outstanding issues for a long time due to that. Try focusing on yourself and how you can move forward without worrying about how someone else feels about you."
  • Not Okay: "Holy shit! You were the OW! What the hell do you expect, homewrecker?!"
• Example Post: "I am completely overloaded and feeling very down about myself."
  • Okay: "In your post history you mentioned that your spouse wasn't really helping around the house. Has that changed at all?"
  • Not Okay: "LOL, you already got the answers you need in your post on relationships. You are stupid for sticking with your lazy spouse."

Why can't we crosspost stuff to other subs?

• We can't stop you from doing so. The problem isn't that something has been crossposted, it's when the community that it's been crossposted to feels the need to come over here and harass OP. When we see that happening, we lock the post and start passing out bans. If you did the crossposting, you'll be banned. If you participated in the brigading, you'll be banned.

What if it's my own post?

• Again, we can't stop you from doing so. We prefer that you don't technically crosspost, but rather just copy and paste your post. Why? Because inevitably the above will happen. Redditors from other subs will follow you back to /stepparents and start attacking users here. It just happens.

What is "brigading"?

• Reddit defines vote manipulation and brigading as follows:
• Using multiple accounts, voting services, or any other software to increase or decrease vote scores.
• Asking people to vote up or down certain posts, either on Reddit itself or through social networks, messaging, etc. for personal gain.
• Forming or joining a group that votes together, either on a specific post, a user's posts, posts from a domain, etc.
• We, along with pretty much every other subreddit that has ever had to deal with this nonsense, further define brigading as this: You saw a post on another sub that linked to our sub either via a link in a comment or a crosspost. It was basically saying something along the lines of "OMG, check out these assholes over on /stepparents! They literally hate all their stepkids!" And then you and your friends come over and start hammering on OP and telling OP how much they suck. Congrats, you have just participated in a brigade.

What is this whole Report, Don't Rant thing about?

• If you see a post or comment that breaks the rules, instead of engaging, report it. When you report it, it sends notification to the mod team. We will act on it where appropriate. Engaging with bad faith users may result in your comments being removed. If you repeatedly do so, you may end up being banned.

What if I see an obvious troll?

• Report it.

What if they are being really mean in comments?

• Report it.

What if they are harassing me in private messages?

• Step 1: Report them to admins. You can report harassment to reddit by using this link or send a DM to reddit admins. Include the link to the DM, admins can see your inbox and providing a direct link is helpful for them to weed out bad actors.
• Step 2: Block the person so they cannot directly contact you again.
• Step 3: Send us a mod mail and let the mod team know. Tell us who they are and what they said, send us a screenshot if you can - admins can see your DMs, mods can't. We'll take action where necessary by banning from the sub if they aren't already banned.

What do you mean by No Naming & Shaming?

• Just as we prefer to not be linked to or crossposted from, we do not allow linking to or calling out other subs by name. If you see something you want to share, say it's a hot post that has hit the front page and a stepparent is being absolutely flayed, just refer to it as "that hot post that hit the front page." If you want to complain about other places in general, "other parenting/advice/judgement subs" will suffice. Absolutely under no circumstances should you link to anywhere else.

I can't link to other subs?

• Do not directly link to another sub. (e.g.: "/insertsubnamehere is ridiculously hostile to stepparents!")
• Do not name other subs. (e.g.: "I won't link to it directly, but insertsubnamehere is ridiculously hostile to stepparents!")
• Do not abbreviate other subs. (e.g.: "I know that ISNH is ridiculously hostile to stepparents!")

I can't ping other users?

• Do not summon another user with a username ping/tag. (e.g.: "insertusernamehere was being an asshole.")
• If you are agreeing with someone, it is okay to link to them. (e.g.: "I agree with insertusernamehere, you need to take a couple of steps back and reflect on this.")

What does No Platitudes mean?

• Sanctimonious, overused clichés that grossly oversimplify the stepparenting experience are neither wanted nor allowed here. We have all heard it a thousand times before, we don't need to hear it again. It's not nearly as insightful and wise as some would like to think.

Why don't you people understand it's a package deal?

• Any comment that suggests that OP should have known what they were getting involved with, or that they needed to understand that the kids were part of some package they needed to accept before signing up for marriage is subject to immediate removal.
• This is one of the most insensitive things you can say to a stepparent. Most stepparents were aware of the children, but they were probably not aware of all of the family dynamics.

Why can't you just love them like they are your own?

• Demanding that a stranger you do not know love children that are not biologically theirs as if they were theirs can be incredibly damaging to someone who is already in a vulnerable situation. Any comment that falls along these lines will be removed.

What do you mean by No Trolling? I was just...

• No means no. No trolling. No pretending to be a stepparent and then whipping out the Greatest Hits Bingo Card of The Worst Stepparent in the History of Stepparents. We see you. We've seen you a thousand times.

What does "concern trolling", "gish-galloping", and "sealioning" have to do with stepparenting? This isn't a debate sub, why are you using debate terms?

• That's absolutely right, this isn't a debate sub. And yet, here we are, day after day, having to defend ourselves against this sort of thing. So, enough. No more. Usage of any of these things will get you banned.

What is "Concern Trolling?"

• A concern troll is someone who disingenuously visits sites of an opposing ideology to disrupt conversation by offering unwanted advice on how to solve problems which do not really exist.
  • Example Post: OP expresses concern that she will feel, and possibly act, differently towards her stepchildren after her husband decides that no, he doesn't want anymore children after all.
  • Example Concern Troll pulled from actual mod mail after their comment was removed: "Possible child abuse claims need to be sorted out well before whatever empathy you believe the OP was looking for."

What is a "Devil's Advocate"?

• "I'm just playing devil's advocate here, but have you considered that maybe BM is just really tired and needs a break, too?" BM has dozens of different mom based subs alone on reddit she can complain on, this sub is for stepparents. The stepparent doesn't need to consider that maybe BM is just really tired and needs a break.

"Gish-galloping?" What does that even mean?

• The Gish Gallop is the fallacious debate tactic of drowning your opponent in a flood of individually-weak arguments in order to prevent rebuttal of the whole argument collection without great effort. The Gish Gallop is a conveyor belt-fed version of the on the spot fallacy, as it's unreasonable for anyone to have a well-composed answer immediately available to every argument present in the Gallop.

And "sealioning?" What's that?

• Sealioning involves jumping into a conversation with endless polite, reasonable questions and demands for answers, usually of entry-level topics far below the actual conversation (e.g. "please prove sexism exists"). This tactic differs little from harassment; instead of discussion, the point is to derail discussion, receive criticism (for their ignorance) so as to look like a victim, or to make someone feel overwhelmed and quit talking.

Who gets to define what is considered asshattery?

• The mod team, of course! If we feel that comments are out of line, are trolling, are leading up to a fight or "just asking questions", we are going to remove them and most likely ban the offender.

​
​

FAQ - Sub Questions

Posting Guidelines for Stepparents

• Body text is required, we suggest you use line breaks between paragraphs as a wall of text is difficult to read. Posts that have only a title are likely to be removed. Instead of using names (even fictitious ones), try to use the sub acronyms. It helps our users to follow along if you use the acronyms and not names.
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Posting Guidelines for Bioparents

• Stepparents is a support community for stepparents, by stepparents. As bioparents, you may want to have more insight into how the stepparent in your life feels or thinks. You may have questions on how to ease the transition for your partner. However, please keep in mind that this community was not created for you. It was created for your partner or your ex's partner. If you are seeking support on how to deal with a stepparent, there are other subs more suited for your situation and your post is subject to removal.
• There are some posts from bioparents we will accept:
  • Seeking advice on how to support your partner as they navigate stepparenting
  • Seeking resources to help you better support your partner
  • Seeking resources for your partner
• There are some posts from bioparents we will not accept:
  • Complaints about how the stepparent is too involved in your kids lives
  • Vents about how the stepparent is not involved enough in your kids lives
  • "Cautionary tales" advising stepparents to back off
  • Seeking advice on how to tell the stepparent to back off
  • The Do's and Dont's of Stepparenting
  • How your kid's stepmom is literally The Worst
• Comments from bioparents that are helpful and supportive are welcome and appreciated. Comments from bioparents that are not helpful or supportive are not welcome and subject to removal. There are several other subs that may meet the needs of bioparents better than we can. We recommend /coparenting, /parenting, /parents, /blendedfamilies, and /singleparents as starting points.

Guidelines for Stepkids

• At this time, we do not generally accept posts from stepkids. Comments from stepkids that are helpful and supportive are welcome and appreciated. Comments from stepkids that are not helpful or supportive are not welcome and subject to removal. If you are a stepkid seeking support, we highly recommend /stepkids. It is a very supportive community specifically for stepkids. We also recommend /blendedfamilies as another potential group for support.

What the heck are all these acronyms? I'm confused!

• Check out the Common Acronyms wiki page. We try to keep this updated as new terms are introduced to the sub.

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I apologize if this is a dumb question I've only been playing a few weeks. I'm really interested in competitive online link battles so I want to get really good :)
So we were playing normal rules where everyone is level 50, it's only a casual battle.
My garganacl has decent stats l, I've trained him well and his HP is 343, defence 286, special defence 214, he's level 100( but I appreciate levels get put at level 50 for all pokemon with these rules).
Something happened that I don't understand. My special ability is being unable to be knocked out by one KO as garganacl has a sturdy body. I terasteralized him against my opponent who was also terasteralized. I had FULL HP on top of all this.
He went at me with Iron Head and I fainted immediately. (Sorry I don't know what his pokemon was it looked like some kind of khaki green dinosaur on its hind legs).
So my question is, if my ability is unable to be beaten with one KO, and I'm Rock type and I was terasteralized, how did this happen? If my defence against physical moves is 286 and regardless I'm not supposed to faint after one move?! I'm just really confused and my initial feeling is they must have been cheating and it's put me off
If they weren't cheating can you tell me what my best way to defend this move is please. I'm just really not going to play online battles if people are going to be spoil it with cheating :(
Thanks in advance

The cheating is in quotes because I’m not sure if he actually has yet.
Anyways, me 21F and my partner 22M have been together for 3 1/2 years. Ever since we got together, he has had trust issues and cheating related problems. He would accuse me of cheating on him while at work, or while I was home alone and he was at work, and every time I defended myself and he dropped it, probably because he was projecting.
So I had a weak moment tonight, and I went through his phone while he was sleeping. I didn’t find much of any substance, a girl he sent a tiktok to (that he also had blocked, which I noted and used my own phone to look at her page, she was the type to post her body and only had around 2k followers which worried me, but it didn’t look like they had been having conversations and I couldn’t find her other socials, so dead end) and a couple of OF influencers he tried to DM on Twitter.
Yadda yadda, ensue montage of me trying to find other hidden social media accounts and background information, emails I had missed before. Anything that would prove I’m not ignoring something important, and then a brilliant idea came to me. I could see if he’s downloaded any dating apps that might like him to this girl, so I go into his app download history and there was.. nothing, from this year. Last year though, specifically October and November he downloaded 4 hookup and dating apps, which sent a shock through me.
I wanted to wake him up and ask him immediately what this was, but I knew I couldn’t. Even trying to type this while laying next to him is filling me with anxiety. So, Reddit, I turn to you. I redownload the apps and tried to log into them to see if he had an account running still, but all of them seemed to be not used, even with Apple sign in, email sign in, nothing connected, so another dead end.
Now what? I took a picture that I saved in a hidden folder of when he downloaded those apps. I’m not sure what my next step foreward is, as my boyfriend is the type to shut down and turn away from confrontation. I want to give him the benefit of the doubt, but at the same time having being told that I’m a cheater when I know I’ve done nothing wrong. Only to see that not only was he thinking about cheating, but he took the first step to cheat by downloading those apps.
So, how should I confront my boyfriend for emotionally cheating on me?
Tell me what you think and I’ll update soon.
tl;dr Boyfriend downloaded dating apps few months ago while calling me a cheater

Hi I'm just wondering if people cheating or hacking link games is a thing, I apologize if this is a dumb question I've only been playing a few weeks. I'm really interested in competitive online link battles so I want to get really good :)
So we were playing normal rules where everyone is level 50, it's only a casual battle.
My garganacl has decent stats l, I've trained him well and his HP is 343, defence 286, special defence 214, he's level 100( but I appreciate levels get put at level 50 for all pokemon with these rules).
Something happened that I don't understand. My special ability is being unable to be knocked out by one KO as garganacl has a sturdy body. I terasteralized him against my opponent who was also terasteralized. I had FULL HP on top of all this.
He went at me with Iron Head and I fainted immediately. (Sorry I don't know what his pokemon was it looked like some kind of khaki green dinosaur on its hind legs).
So my question is, if my ability is unable to be beaten with one KO, and I'm Rock type and I was terasteralized, how did this happen? If my defence against physical moves is 286 and regardless I'm not supposed to faint after one move?! I'm just really confused and my initial feeling is they must have been cheating and it's put me off
If they weren't cheating can you tell me what my best way to defend this move is please. I'm just really not going to play online battles if people are going to be spoil it with cheating :(
Thanks in advance

I'd like to preface this by saying I do not think any advice that promoted toxicity is worth typing out. I feel like unhealthy behavior in relationships is often encouraged in our society and I want nothing to do with that. The reason I say this is because too often I see straight monogamous couples consider even making eye contact with the opposite gender as some form of cheating or categorize innocent interactions as forms of cheating.
In my relationship, I 100% trust my partner and believe that he behaves appropriately and is kind to everyone he meets. He is a genuine soul and is full of love light and laughter. He treats me like royalty and I've never felt more loved than I have with him- not even from my own family members. I feel I have to place emphasis on his personality because I know from the depths of my soul that this person will never ever do anything to hurt me.
He and I both share the view that we do not wish to partake in this toxic heteronormative culture of having to ask eachother permission to do something in case it's considered cheating because we both know right from wrong. So here comes in his coworker, she's a lovely woman and they are all a part of a group that frequently spend a lot of time together .
They all travel together as well and I've noticed that she happens to be next to him in a lot of photos- which on its own says nothing. However one time we were all watching a movie and I had been fidgeting between a cramped sofa and floor for 2 hours because I dislike sitting on the floor but when I finally asked my partner to swap so I could sit on the couch she made a comment saying im making him sit on the floor but said nothing when i was the whole time. She was sitting in his seat and I assumed it was because she wanted to befriend me but that threw me off.
Not sure if this should raise alarms because I don't want to be the woman who sabotages female friendships with the delusion that someone is attracted to her partner. But I can't help but think, he is such a lovely soul and I would understand if she did have a minor crush but I don't know how to wrap my head around that really if that were the case.

joe alwyn definitely dodged a bullet so happy for him he looks so glowy at cannes i think i really love this man.
he seems so calm and mature unlike HER who's literally showing off her fake ass pr relationship with a dumb asf guy who legit looks like a caveman💀💀 like how cringe is that? i cannot with my feed on every app with pictures of them at her tour or at a game or some club meanwhile her fans are like oHmYgOd ReLaShiOnShiP gOaLssss 💞💞💞💞💞nooooo eww that's nothing near "goalss" imagine ppl in their mid thirties acting like that one high school couple everyone avoids. i used to be her fan for such a long time but no more.
i cannot imagine the pain joe must be going through cause first she let her fans bully not just him but his costars family everyone, then revealing HIS fucking mental health struggles to the whole world in her songs only for her fans to bully him even more and mock his depression(and thats what they're doing) and then after a whole ass year of swifti@s sending him death threats and saying he cheated, she releases guilty as sin accepting that she was imagining fucking another guy (a racist nazi) while she was with joe bcs she was "bored" by his depression! girl be serious!! i was officially done with this fandom the day they broke up and these maniacs started talking shit about him like all her exes and calling him a red flag(tbh he's the greenest one it seems).
and now that joe is finally getting the time of his life at cannes for a movie that might be his biggest one yet, guess what she decides to do next? her so called ''vacation'' pics with caveman get released with no one but her own team leaking to the press that they might get engaged very soon. ALL THIS only to flip the narrative from him and get HER all the attention. so cheap. and even after all this still he's never said a word bad about her. this guy has my respect💗
the quality of taylor's music has been degrading ever since 2022 and all she ever does now is re-release the same shit in 13 different versions and act all oh so shakespeare. her idea of feminism is so fucked up she was never a girl's girl and then she dares to call her ttpd set on eras tour as FEMALE RAGE THE MUSICAL?! girl what do u even understand by the word female rage? exactly nothing. plus don't get me started on ttpd💀💀 that album-
honestly im so happy for joe he's out of it now finally. i just wish this toxic degrading fandom just leaves him alone. he never deserved any hate he received. JOE YOU HAVE ALL MY BEST WISHES ILY
(helpp i can't stop edting this post and keep adding things cause the more i dig on the more pettier she gets gawd💀)

TLDR: My partner (M28) is “flirty/touchy” when he gets tipsy. I (F28) have seen three occassions before I decided to have a discussion as boundaries need to be set.
For some context, my partner loves to tease people, can socialize easily, has unique actions and way of talking, no known history of cheating but these specific actions I’ve witnessed gave me the ick.

1. My partner was teasing my girl friend who was sulking over a guy. He lifted the corners of her mouth to form a smile and kept poking her face so that she would stop sulking. He even lifted his dress and started laughing hysterically. I asked him why would he do such thing and he said he was just tryna cheer her up and did not mean anything about it.
   
2. His girl friend got married and he lifted her twice! He even cried while saying goodbye to her saying “I usually don’t cry, but I cry for you” and then they hugged. When we got home I asked him if he meant anything by it as he rarely cries. He said “idk it’s hard” (don’t know what he was trying to say as he was so drunk). The next day, I asked him again on what he meant and he said he got emotional because he was too happy for her and her husband.
   
3. This one was random and icky. He likes and comments on photos of people he follows on this running app. He commented “wow 🔥” on this girl’s post. She’s our neighbour. The post was the girl posing with her bike while wearing a two piece in snow and same photo of her decked out with bike clothing gear. I didn’t see this til months after. When I confronted him, he said he doesn’t remember anymore as it was months ago. He said he was just trying to build rapport with our neighbours as we’re new to the city. He said that also he doesn’t remember seeing that photo as people can still edit (add/delete) photos from their post.
   

I made him aware that people who don’t know him well might misunderstood his actions and it’s embarrassing/disrespectful for me. He’s the type to say the most absurd things and don’t realize how it would be interpreted by others.
It’s been over a year since everything happened. He has not done anything to cross my boundaries. However, there was one occasion when he blacked out while drinking with his friends. He was telling them he loves me. But again, drinking and his actions are an issue to me. He’s trying and hasn’t blacked out since. However, I think I’m experiencing retroactive jealousy or insecurity? Trauma perhaps? I just don’t know how to deal with it.
Anyone dealing with or went through the same issue?