Hello! I've finally reached the level where I'm looking to shed some Intelligence perks and move on to a final build. I've been a bloodied stealth commando since as long as I've had my first Bloodied Fixer (B/25AP) years ago, and now I'm looking to do all the damage without worrying about the leveling up grind - I'm just here to learn all the plans, improve my C.A.M.P.'s aesthetic, and help newbies. The next parts are what I've been doing, and the last couple parts are my perk loadout build questions.
Current Build
I use the Perk Loadout Manager mod to swap between a few specs:
Everyday build: https://nukesdragons.com/fallout-76/character?v=1&s=3a65f7a&d=p00pg2ph2pi1pp2eh2ir2ii0ao0a00a30l71lu2la2lb2a80am2a12a71ic4ce0es2ee2sg2eu0c62cu0lv0lk2&w=p22ln0pj0i30ia0i50s10ig0p10&lp=xm3x93x63x73x43x83&m=2145078abcef&n=Daily%20Driver
With full Unyielding armor and Herd Mentality + Strange In Numbers, this build attains 36 Luck, which is 3 higher than you need to crit every other shot with Critical Savvy. I was too lazy to switch over, so those 3 points can go elsewhere, like into Perception for better V.A.T.S. %, or Agility for better max AP. Enough Strength for Blocker to save your behind when you get sucker punched; swap in Night Person for the extra Intelligence (the 5% damage from rank 2 Commando isn't noticeable, but you can do that instead of one of the QoL perks); the 4 points for Lifegiver can be moved but every bit of HP when you're low health is nice, and Chem Fiend is to extend Berry Mentats usage (consumables listed below); Tenderizer helps out the whole team; Scrapper is what I share with the group because it's in all my builds, and the other Intelligence cards can be whatever you like; Agility is self-explanatory for this build; and the star of the show is Good With Salt (and the Grocer Backpack), along with Critical Savvy to get you critting every shot, which is important because crit damage bypasses damage reduction.
When the going gets tough (Daily Ops with armor piercing and the like), I go into Power Armor (currently Union, though it needs upgraded) and/or swap something with rank 1 Born Survivor.
My second build is for weight reduction, crafting, and C.A.M.P. building. Pack Rat, Strong Back, Solar Powered for more Strength during the day, Travel Agent to save a few caps, Chemist, Contractor - you get the picture.
My grenade leveling build: https://nukesdragons.com/fallout-76/character?v=1&s=3a65f7a&d=p02pg0ph0eh2ir2ii0ao0a04a30l71lu2la2lb2a70ic4ce0es2ee2sg2eu0c62cu0pi0po2pj0pq1p22ib4a80an2lt2&lp=xm3x93x63x73x43x83&m=2145078abcef&n=Grenade%20Leveling
This is for West Tek runs, throwing Nuka Grenades left and right. There are good YouTube videos that show how to run it.
Consumables: Berry Mentats (the addiction icon helps me know when I need to reapply the buff, since sometimes the highlighting sticks around), Brain Bombs, Canned Coffee, Company Tea, Cranberry Relish, Popcorn, and Rad Ant Lager when needed. For more XP, give Nuka Cranberry to Leo Petrov, use Lunchboxes (usually if you pop one at an event or Daily Ops, others will do the same) and Live and Love 3, wait for Double XP Weekend, etc. The Crit Damage, Health Regen, bonus Agility/Perception, and Poison Resist foods are good, too (I use the Revolution setting on my commie collectron).
Mutations: Adrenal Reaction, Bird Bones, Chameleon, Eagle Eyes, Egg Head, Empath, Grounded, Herbivore, Herd Mentality, Marsupial, Scaly Skin, and Speed Demon.
Future Build
For my end game build, this is what I have so far: https://nukesdragons.com/fallout-76/character?v=1&s=3a635ae&d=pg2ph2pi2p00po1pp2sg2es2ce0a72a00lv2eh2cu0an2a12am2a30ic0lu2lk2la2l71ir2&w=ee2eu0a80lt0c62cd1cr0lb0ao0&lp=xm3x93x43&m=2145078abcef&n=W.I.P.%20Stealth%20Commando
I have a handful of points to spend, and a few legendary perk slots as well. Other than switching from Berry Mentats to Overdrive or Psychotats for extra damage, I could add Perception and Agility for the derived stats, though I might not need Agility for how good Company Tea and Coffee are. I could invest in Strength for carry weight, Endurance for Lifegiver and Radicool, or Charisma or Intelligence to still level up well to help move the season along, get Master Infiltrator for a tiny QoL bump, or a number of other things. I'm keeping Charisma to at least 3 to share perk cards, and Intelligence to at least 5 for crafting requirements. What are your suggestions?

Here I have included my pre-draft, post-draft, and fantasy football WR evaluations (shortened for brevity). This is regarding real life skillsets and performance, and the fantasy football ranking is for redraft. I believe that the IRL evaluation is good enough for dynasty as well, even when skillsets don't match fantasy productive ones.
Pre-Draft Rankings:
Tier 1:
These are all players who I don’t want to delve into. They are the safe, elite prospects who don’t have any red flags, which is what differentiates them from the tier below.

1. Marvin Harrison Jr.
2. Malik Nabers
3. Rome Odunze

Tier 2:
Each of the three players in this tier are elite, but have one or several red flags and uncertainty to their game.

1. Troy Franklin
   1. Troy Franklin is a smooth route runner with great deep speed (moves like Ridley), but what truly makes him elite is his much underrated awareness. He has an impeccable feel for both zone and the defensive back’s mind, allowing him to slide into space and break out of the reach of corners, and he also holds an elite release package paired with great ball tracking. From what I’ve seen, Franklin is also the most willing and able blocker in this class. His biggest flaw to me is not his slight frame, but rather his lack of extension when going for catches, perhaps due to his small hands, which allows for random drops and makes him more susceptible to drops through contact.
2. Xavier Worthy
   1. While Worthy has risen in draft boards, the respect for him has fallen after his record breaking 40 yard dash. Worthy might have speed, but he is not all speed. Worthy has been an elite player his whole career, with an extremely early breakout and impressive freshman season. He is often dinged for his ball tracking, an important trait for deep threats, but I don’t see it. Worthy also offers elite YAC ability. He has the mental capability to be used as a consistent threat out of motion, as I don’t see him having the same release package as Franklin. The flaw with him is both being and playing small.
3. Brian Thomas Jr.
   1. BTJ is built in a prototypically phenomenal way. He possesses elite speed, size, and agility for that size – the makings of an elite receiver. He was also an elite producer in college. Thomas Jr. doesn’t necessarily show a lot of flaws in his game (aside from a few small things) – rather he doesn’t show a lot of anything at all. His flaw is that there is not enough information about his game out there to make the evaluation process thorough enough. Questions remain about his route tree and ability to play a variety of roles in an offense. At the very least, he steps into a team as an elite deep threat. In my opinion, Thomas Jr. offers a higher ceiling than Odunze, Worthy, and Franklin, but there’s just not enough for me to look at here.

Tier 3:
Tier 3 contains three players who show a lot of good things on film, but also have almost horrible production profiles.

1. Ladd McConkey
   1. McConkey reminds me of Christian Kirk stylistically. He possesses elite quickness and solid route running with very quick, twitchy steps. It is clear that he knows how to keep defensive backs guessing. I also noted that he shows strong YAC abilities and the willingness to seek out contact.
2. Adonai Mitchell
   1. He might have diabetes, and he might be lazy, but AD is smooth. I thought he’d run a 4.55, and at that point I had him at 6 I believe. AD has sneaky athleticism and deceptive quickness, and a very encouraging frame to pair with this. While I don’t see a lot of flaws in his game, I will say that he has one of the worst analytical profiles I have ever seen.
3. Roman Wilson
   1. Wilson is my favorite player in the draft, and I have been waiting for him to join the NFL for years. While I am not a Michigan fan, I have watched a lot of Michigan and Ohio State games, and fell in love with Wilson’s play. He is an elite athlete, with a willingness to go up strong for balls, and is simply just good at the game of football. I believe he would have shown a lot more if he was on a more passing oriented offense.

Tier 4:
Tier 4 has three players who are both older prospects and also have questionable production profiles.

1. Ricky Pearsall
   1. Slick Rick is definitely slick. He has arguably the greatest catch in CFB history, and is a silky route runner with great athleticism and burst. He seems to have a great understanding of how to run routes. Pearsall is a 5 season player, with non-elite production in any of those years – however he has shown improvement in every one of those years. He is not the tenth best receiver in this class right now – I only have him this low because of his age. However, I don’t think he has the production or the film to strongly suggest that he’s better than any of the players I listed before, which is why the age can lower him. Tank Dell was a 24 year old rookie, but his film would be enough for me to raise him higher.
2. Xavier Legette
   1. Legette has elite speed paired with elite size. I will not say he has elite athleticism however. His agility is not nearly good enough for me to give him that title. This is where I feel people tend to misterm athleticism – by equating it to a size/speed combo. Legette also only had one year of elite production. Legette is great at the catch point, with solid hand technique and vertical ability, but he leaves a lot to be desired with his release and his hip flexibility. He is not yet a strong route runner. I don’t really mind his late breakout too much – he has a lack of refinement in his game that would explain this as he is a growing player, but here’s some good scouting: what I truly can’t deal with is his accent.
3. Malik Washington
   1. Washington is another late producer like Legette, with only elite production in his 5th year. However, I believe that was due to him playing his time out in an awful Northwestern offense. Washington left Northwestern not through a transfer, but because he finished his degree early. He might be small, but he is incredible at football, and offers elite YAC ability to pair with his excellent feel for zones and space. The only reason I have Washington this low (although it is not low) is because I know he will be overlooked in the NFL and will have a difficult path to success.

Tier 5:
The players in this tier will likely all have a role in the NFL, or at least the chance to have a role in the NFL.

1. Ja’Lynn Polk
   1. Polk bores me a bit, but he’s good. I believe he is a useful asset to any team in the NFL. He plays with a lot of grit, which teams should like, and is all around a solid and smart player.
2. Malachi Corley
   1. The self proclaimed “YAC King” is exactly that. In fact, his YAC ability is so good that it’s almost as if he was a running back playing receiver. Oh right. He is. That being said, Corley has the agility to become a great receiver. While his switch is probably due to wanting the longevity and paycheck associated with the position, I don’t doubt that he has the ability to make up for his late start. He’s not really there yet, so his athleticism only gets him this high.
3. Keon Coleman
   1. Coleman is in the classic “Alpha” mold. If you’re wondering why he’s so low, I just don’t like that mold. I don’t care about his 40 time, he seems fast enough to me. In my opinion, Coleman does not have the agility and hip flexibility required to run great routes. That’s why I just don’t see him learning route running. He offers elite vertical leaping ability, body control, and good hands to match this, but he’s not Mike Evans. I don’t think Coleman has no path to success in the NFL – he’s still a decent player, just not my kind of player. The landing spot will matter with this one.
4. Jermaine Burton
   1. I don’t like Burton. There’s just something about his face – he looks like a less creepy Spencer Rattler. However, I’d say he’s a good player. He has solid athleticism, and I believe he has the ability to run a variety of routes, despite working in a vertical offense. Burton has great hands, albeit a short catch radius, and plays very strong. There’s definitely things to like about his game – and who knows, maybe being a bad character is a good trait.
5. Javon Baker
   1. Baker strikes me as someone who loves football, with an alpha receiver mentality. He might know too much – while he has great route running, he sometimes seems to almost spam fakes and make unnecessary movements that leave me confused instead of the corner. That’s not really a big concern for me though. He is great at the catch point as well, showing great determination and body control. I’m not sure he has the athleticism to truly be elite, and while the Big 12 is a decent conference, the defensive backs in his film seemed to be mostly bums, but with a good landing spot I think he has the ability to shine. I’m rather surprised that he decided to transfer out of Alabama, but whatever, it worked out.
6. Jalen McMillan
   1. The much underrated and overlooked third brother. McMillan looks soft, but he has good athleticism and good flexibility. He’s also a good route runner with good body control. I’d say he’s good. With players like him, it really depends on how much the team that drafted him believes in him. I don’t doubt that it will be easy for him to get hidden in a deep WR room.

Tier 6:
Tier 6 are the guys who I think are good players but don’t think they will get a chance to show that, with play strength and size being concerns. I think they can work despite this, but I doubt NFL front offices will.

1. Jamari Thrash
   1. Thrash is a smooth player with great route savviness, but is complete trash when it comes to contact (easy pun intended). Physical corners can easily thrash him around during his routes.
2. Jacob Cowing
   1. Cowing probably has the highest likelihood of success among the three, as he possesses the best release package which is important for small receivers. However, he’s no Tank Dell. In fact, he IS Tank Dell, just worse at every aspect of the game. He’s arguably more athletic however, and showcases elite explosiveness.
3. Ainias Smith
   1. Explosive with quick feet, but is small and plays small. I think he has a lot of ability, but he’s not the type of player that NFL teams want to trust.

Tier 7:
Tier 7 contains players who don’t have it right now, but could have it with some development.

1. Tez Walker
   1. There was a lot of hope for Tez coming into the 2023 season, and he delivered. Delivered very little. While he showcased absolutely zero route running savvy, he has the elite athleticism to make up for this, and is not completely inflexible. I do want to blame the college football body and UNC for some of his failures, and he wasn’t really all that bad. I just don’t think he’s quite there yet.
2. Luke McCaffrey
   1. McCaffrey has great athleticism and elite lineage, but that’s about it. He wasn’t bad in college, but played for Rice. He’s in the middle of his learning curve for the position after converting from being a mediocre QB, and I’m sure he can figure it out – I’m not out on him.
3. Johnny Wilson
   1. Wilson is absolutely incredible for his size. He is a fluid athlete with solid speed, and more than decent route running. Unfortunately, at his size he needs to be excellent at the catch point and with contested catches. He is not. In fact, it’s his weakness – he is extremely soft, unlike his hands. He’s the odd case where I think he’d be much more successful if he dropped half a foot in height. If you combined the best of Johnny and Keon, you’d have a possible goat receiver.

Tier 8:
Tier 8 has guys who piqued my interest with their play, but are likely going nowhere. Gould is small, Bub Means is named Bub Means, Vele is an old man, and Coker is slow and played for Holy Cross.

1. Anthony Gould
2. Bub Means
3. Devaughn Vele
4. Jalen Coker

Tier 9 is all of the guys I haven’t watched enough of that didn’t make this list due to that.
Tier 10 consists of the players who are, in my humble opinion, bad.
Tier 10:

1. Brenden Rice
   1. My evaluation of Rice has nothing to do with his father. I truly do believe that he is the second worst receiver in the class. In fact, I think he will obviously get a shot because of his father, and that he has the work ethic and connections to improve dramatically as a player. However, as of right now, while he has solid hands, he runs everything in one gear, and it’s visually appalling. He stomps the ground as he runs, and while it seems like he has some understanding of route running techniques, it all goes to waste since he runs his routes as hard as possible.
2. Cornelius Johnson
   1. As I said earlier in my Roman Wilson evaluation, I have watched a lot of Michigan games. This means I watched his counterpart on the other side – Corn Johnson. In all my years of watching football, I have never seen a player worse than Corn. He is truly awful at the game. He has absolutely zero ball knowledge and route running ability. He’s actually pretty decent at the catch point, but not enough to make up for his terrible play in every other facet of the game. He somehow had Harbaugh’s trust to keep starting, so I still wouldn’t be surprised if he was drafted, but whatever team makes that decision has completely wasted a pick they could’ve otherwise spent trading for McCorkle Jones or some other washed up player.

Post-Draft Rankings and Comments:
Contrary to popular opinion, I believe that situation is actually very important regarding a wide receiver's career. It is worth noting that I actually did my pre-draft ranking writeups after the draft despite wording them as though they were written pre-draft, therefore the adjustments here are not new revelations, rather they are simply the changes I believe draft capital and landing spot make.

1. Marvin Harrison Jr.
   1. Great landing spot, bad franchise
2. Malik Nabers
   1. Mediocre landing spot, bad franchise with bad assets but good volume. Will play alongside WanDale Robinson, a player who also generates elite separation.
3. Rome Odunze
   1. Landing spot is alright, the franchise is bad but the team is set up well. Will be the WR3 to start however, but that should not necessarily hinder his career.
4. Xavier Worthy
   1. Very good landing spot with the best quarterback in the league, and another field stretcher already on the roster, suggesting that he might run routes with some variety and improve his game. It is not a perfect system for production however.
5. Brian Thomas Jr.
   1. Attached to a good, young QB, who should help each other. Thomas Jr was clearly drafted to slot into the alpha role, with Kirk taking the slot and Davis stretching the field. At the very least, Thomas will also be an elite field stretcher, really opening up things for Kirk and Engram underneath, as well as opening the box for Etienne. The franchise does not have a great history with receivers.
6. Roman Wilson
   1. Excellent, phenomenal landing spot. Wilson lands in another run-heavy offense as the clear WR2, from a team and staff that has been historically great with evaluating and developing receiver talent.
7. Ladd McConkey
   1. McConkey is presumably the current or soon-to-be WR1 in LA. The landing spot is definitely good amidst a weak WR corps, although I’m not fully certain about his ability to be the Alpha. Perhaps they expect something out of QJ? Palmer is solid but not spectacular.
8. Ricky Pearsall
   1. For his age, the spot isn’t ideal, but the capital is great. Pearsall is definitely a good player, and if one of Deebo or Aiyuk is traded (likely Deebo) he comes into a great role. I’d call it a good landing spot.
9. Troy Franklin
   1. The capital is horrible, and I feel teams have made a huge mistake here. Franklin is too nice and genuine of a guy to have that ‘chip on his shoulder’ effect from his fall, but he will definitely take his role seriously. With his talent, I see him slotting in as the WR2 on this offense early, especially with the Nix connection, but he has to beat out Mims. For the capital, it was definitely the best landing spot he could have got with a team that really wants him.
10. Ja’Lynn Polk
    1. New England is historically awful at wide receiver evaluation, but Polk is solid and will come into a WR room with no alpha and a rookie QB. Pop Douglas is a good slot receiver, and Bourne is alright, but that’s about it. I believe they should play a Polk - Douglas - Baker line, but Bourne will likely be starting, which is understandable.
11. Adonai Mitchell
    1. Awful landing spot. The worst he could have hoped for. AD has that chip on his shoulder, but he comes in as the WR3 in a role that is likely mostly field stretching. If there was actually a lot for him to learn, then this landing spot subtly becomes very good.
12. Keon Coleman
    1. I would argue that this is the best landing spot for any player in the draft. The capital is excellent, and the fit is excellent. Keon might not get any separation, but Josh Allen is exactly brain dead enough to just chuck it to him anyways. Very few other quarterbacks would have the confidence in him to simply target him despite being draped, and Allen is a very good one, who might be forced to pass to him considering how weak the room is. I believe Shakir and Kincaid are decent, and that Samuel might be better than Coleman, but Allen and the team will likely treat Coleman like the alpha, and this will be reflected in his targets. It also helps that Coleman is a very likable character, which might offset his bad at football accusations with great production on poor efficiency.
13. Xavier Legette
    1. It’s a new front office in Carolina, but I don’t really trust the pick. It doesn’t help my concerns when you consider Legette is also from Carolina, which might bias the selection, especially when everyone knew he was going there but nobody cared enough to try to get him over Carolina. On the plus side, he went to the only place where people can understand him, and he fits the room well alongside Diontae Johnson. He’ll probably play in a role that doesn’t suit his skillset, but he can succeed here if Bryce steps it up with an improved line.
14. Malachi Corley
    1. Good landing spot as a YAC slot player, while living with Rodgers. Definitely intriguing, although the franchise is bad so his development might be minimal.
15. Jermaine Burton
    1. Good landing spot imo, with room to learn the position and role and then replace Tee Higgins. Still don’t like the guy.
16. Javon Baker
    1. Lands in an open room with alright capital. Is the WR4 already imo, with an opportunity to earn the alpha role if he’s up for it.
17. Luke McCaffrey
    1. Great capital for the level of play he’s shown. He definitely has a role as a starter intended, although I hope they took him due to athleticism and not name (3rd is too high for it to be name value).
18. Devontez Walker
    1. Good spot to learn and possibly start while getting no targets.
19. Malik Washington
    1. Bad landing spot, and bad draft capital. Washington is fantastic, but he’s old and behind two great receivers, not to mention OBJ being signed (which I imagine means he will play). Washington could have started in the slot, but now he will have to wait and earn a role.
20. Jalen McMillan
    1. He’s the WR3 in Tampa, but Godwin will likely take the slot, which means he might be the WR4 unless they play him on the outside.
21. Jacob Cowing
    1. Deep corps with Pearsall taken ahead of him, but a good place to grow.
22. Jamari Thrash
    1. He has one great receiver ahead of him, and two alright receivers that I don’t believe he has the quality to surpass, but I think he can gap Cedric Tillman. There’s probably not much hope here.
23. Ainias Smith
    1. Smith can beat out Parris Campbell for the slot role, and while he doesn’t strike me as a consistent player, he can still ‘thrive’ for meager numbers under a great corps.
24. Bub Means
    1. The WR3 in the room is open, and by all means the job is his to take (that pun was actually unintentional I swear I only noticed it after writing it).
25. Brenden Rice
    1. He might be horrible but the WR room is completely open, and his late draft capital might make Papa Jerry step in and give him some instruction in how to play the position. There’s probably some sort of upside here.
26. Johnny Wilson
    1. He could definitely beat out Devante Parker who has the exact opposite skillset as a fellow big receiver, but the slot is the role that is open outside of AJ Brown and Smitty. The volume is also going to be low.
27. Anthony Gould
    1. The Colts landing spot doesn’t suddenly look better. Obvious depth role with no hope of ever starting.
28. Devaughn Vele
    1. I could see Payton really liking him, and him earning time, but he’s 26. I believe in him though, despite this ranking.
29. Jalen Coker
    1. Panthers are bad, undrafted is bad, I don’t see him getting a chance.
30. Cornelius Johnson
    1. I almost raised Corn higher because Harbaugh drafted him, and Harbaugh obviously knows more about him than I do, but then I remembered how bad he truly is. I insist that there’s no hope for him, he’s just awful.

Fantasy Football Rankings (only included plausible contributors):

1. Marvin Harrison Jr.
2. Malik Nabers
3. Ladd McConkey
4. Xavier Worthy
5. Keon Coleman
6. Rome Odunze
7. Brian Thomas Jr.
8. Xavier Legette
9. Roman Wilson
10. Troy Franklin
11. Ja’Lynn Polk
12. Adonai Mitchell
13. Ricky Pearsall
14. Malachi Corley
15. Jermaine Burton

SYNOPSIS: Walking your OP monster girlfriend home is easy. No one messes with you. Getting back to your house on your own? That's the tricky part.
What's worse than an eldritch building? How 'bout a bigger one?
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Chapter Cover Art (From Mood Writing Sample)
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Norman took one look at the towering building to his left. Then he took off.
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“̷̵̵̷̶̷̶̶̸̶̶̸̴̡̛̮͉̹̪̼̙̤̲̤͔̗̮̥̣̜͓̟̞̃̔̈́̑̈̍͌̂̂̐̋͛̉̓G̵̶̸̷̴̸̵̵̴̶̸̷̸̴̶̨̢̧̞͈̠̜̳̪͎̬̜̱̫͚̝̩̑̒͐́͆̃̿̉̆̉̃̓̀̎̐͂̎̒̕̕͘͝͝Ǵ̷̷̷̴̸̸̷̷̷̷̵̨̢̞̥͓̰͖͙̰̝͖̩̺͍͎͉͌̽̂́͐̓̀͒̐͗́M̴̷̶̵̴̷̵̶̵̴̷̷̢̡̧̢̛̫̲͕͇̗̯͚̥͙͓͓̀̒͑͒̂̊̅̐͛̂̄͌̈̚͝M̴̷̶̵̴̷̷̶̷̬̼̭̗͍̺̳̩̱͍̂̄̾͂̔̽̇̀͝͝͝͠M̶̯̙̥͕̞̰̗̗͐̔!̸̞̞̬̼̖̩̈́̇͊͐̾͑͋̉!̷̧͈̘̬̆͑͝!̶̤̜̔̓̆̅̔͆͘͝”̸̨̧̼̭̫̒͜

.
The new hunting cry boomed through his body. It was much louder than the first building’s, albeit shorter, like a tap on the shoulder from a titan proclaiming its presence to the world.
Of course, the tap of a titan could flatten a man.
Norman fell. His legs had simply stopped working. Jaws clenched, he forced his will into wobbly muscles. His palms slammed into the waterlogged street, stopping the fall. With a sharp push, he sprang back to his feet and ran on.
Norman yanked out the remaining two flash grenades on the go, strung them together, armed and drew back for a throw.
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“̷̬̳̙̍̎̆G̴̥͇̥͔͕̫̈̀M̵̛͇̜͙͇̫͔̭̩̝̜̓̈̏̓̓̀͛̚͜͝͝M̷̩͈͉̘͙̿͌̃̽͂̃̏̏̓̾̈́͌̈́̉̅̄̉͘!̷̢̧̢̤͓̭̖̝̏̏̄̓̾̉̆͋͘͝!̵͍̱̼̮̯̺̲͙̖̮̗͓̻̓̊͂̒̔͐̎͘͘̚!̵̙͍̟̌͒̃͂̎͠”̶̡̛̠̱̭̞̹̟͉̒̎̎̂͂̐̈́̓̄̚̕

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That quick boom pounded through him. His fingers faltered. The flash grenades slipped from his grip and fell. He was still recovering from the sound when they went off at his feet. The nightsight filtered the flash, so he didn’t go blind. He’d gutted the flash grenade’s speakers, so he didn’t go deaf. The peeping building could deafen him all on its own … no, this wasn’t a peeping building. He’d slew a peeping building. They were small fries by comparison.
This was an eyescraper.
Tentacles the width of busses unsheathed from its sides. Even if he’d managed to launch the grenades and bathe it in smitelight, he suspected that wouldn’t be enough.
Norman sliced at its eyes with a focused beam. It barely flinched. Maybe if it got close enough, he could affect it a bit. By then, it would be too late.
Throbbing chuffs thundered from the monster. It sounded like a laugh.
Norman shot it a defiant glare. He bolted. Not fast enough. He could feel the giant closing in. So, he moved faster. Then faster, and still faster. His muscles blared their warnings. Rain lashed his face. He felt the air begin to resist his movements as he reached a speed at which it mattered. It was in his way, so he pushed through it too. No one was there to tell him he was moving far faster than any human known to history. All he cared about was hearing that thing fall behind him, and so it did. The tremours of its tremendous movements grew fainter.
At the end of the street, an apartment building came into view. Norman threw himself against it, climbing with the reckless abandon of a madman. He was halfway to the top.
.
.

“̷̧̨̭̹̘̥̮͖̤̻̥̬̌̀͒̔͌̊̀̚͜͜͠Ǧ̶̨̨̧̺̘̰̗̘̥̝̗̦̩͖͎͋̈͑͐̒̽̉̔͛̾̒́̕ͅM̴̨̉́̾̉͂͆̔̿̀̃̇̎̍͆̂̽͗̔͘͠ͅM̷̝̻̱̆̍͜!̴̮̬̯̮̦̖́͂̆͋̿̇̎̄̄̅̂͑̎̀̕͘͝͝͝!̸̲͎̲̼̠̮̱͖̥̭̤̩͓̘̜͈̟̖̮̰̦͖̀̂͗͂̽̈́̋͌͂̐̓̈̕!̸̜̆̿̋̔̽̕”̷̢̦̜̰̼̳̝͓̆͗̈́̆̆̑̃̾͑̀͗͒͆́͐͒̈́̿̽̕̕͜

.
.
His grip went limp. He fell. Struck the ground. His head bounced. The world grew fu...z z y.
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W
h
y
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w
a
s
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h
e
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r
u
n
n
i
n
g
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a
g
a
i
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_CHAT

• LEMMY.OUTA.HERE: (Stupse) Well, he ded.
• BAJANETTE11: ARN74, JUST GO AND FIND HIM!!!
• ARN74: HE DIDN’T SEND ME DE PIN! DIS BAAARE STRESS! NORMAN, YOU PUNK! YOU EMOTIONALLY INVESTED ME IN THIS CHANNEL! IF YOU DIE NOW I’M GONNA KILL YOU!

Something was yapping in the background, but it wasn’t important. He felt fine. Everything was fine. Why not rest? Why was he even-?

_CHAT

• ARN74: YOU PROMISED ME YOU WOULDN’T LEAVE AMY!!

What? No he didn’t! Promises weren’t for trolls! Why would he leave Amy anyway?
.
.
“̸̼͔̖̜̫͍͚̊́̽͆̓̂̋̋͐̕Ģ̴̢͕͉̯̺̗̖͔͙̪͓̻̯̫̭̙̱͕̠̭̩̌M̸̨̧̘̟̹̖̻̲͍̭͓͉̰͙̦̣̜͉̻̎̅͗̇̈́̈̏͌̓̾̀̈̈́͜M̵̢̢̖̯̦͍͕̝̯̥̹̪̠̥̰̝̖̊͛̀̇͜!̵̢̡̡͚͕̘̟͕̥̦̪͆̈́̿͆!̴̛̹͈̜̥͔̬͎̪̩͚̦̯̟̘̩̰̳̍̑̂́̌͌̎́̒͋̽̿̑͌͝͝!̴̛̥͕̪͂̂̂̈̓͆͗̇̄̈́̌̅̎͂̕̚̕͝͠”̷̧̧̛̠̝̰̞̘͙̥̖͎̭̞̜̳̟̓͆̌̊̃̔́͒͋̇̈́͘̚͠͝ͅ
.
.
Oh, right. There was a skyscraper running him down. To think he lived in a world where that made any sense. He rubbed his throbbing head. It was hard to think, though.

_CHAT

• ARN74: TRY AN CLIMB DE TING OPPA!

Brain fog would have to wait.
In two twos he jumped onto the side of the building and kept going up and up without breaking the momentum of the leap. Adrenaline had challenged gravity. Gravity lost. There was no pause to assess handholds. There was no rain stinging his face. In his mind, there was only ‘CLIMB, CLIMB, CLIMB!’ Crest the rooftop. ‘RUN, RUN, RUN!’ Descend the other side ‘JUMP!’ Gravity greedily reclaimed Norman, dragging him 4 storeys down at breakneck speed. He hit the ground in a parkour roll. Bruised a bone. Nearly fractured a shoulder. Wrenched his spine. Joints, muscle, ligaments almost popped. They didn’t.
He was running again.
Norman had never heard a building shred like paper. He’d never thought to wonder what it sounded like.
*( ( BMMM! ) ) ( ( BMM! ) ) ( ( BOOM! ) ) \*

SHHHHHRRRRRRMMMM!

Now he knew.
Those booms … was it the eyescraper’s tentacles breaking the sound barrier, or punching holes through the apartment building? Maybe both. It didn’t matter. What mattered was that it was tearing the building in two with the ease of one parting curtains. Buildings were not designed to be parted. Two became legions as the sundered building collapsed.
Norman rushed for an abandoned truck, slid beneath the trailer. Not quite fast enough. Most of the rubble didn’t reach him directly, but upon hitting the ground? It pulverised into a blast of cloud like a sandstorm. Hissing beneath the trailer, the dust stung at his ankles. He ignored it, racing for the truck’s cabin at the front. Perched on the step beneath the door, he braced as the dust raced beneath, around and above him. The cabin was his shield. He flinched to a duck when its windows shattered as the dust cloud blasted straight through them. The truck rocked and slid slightly, bombarded by wind and dust. It lurched as a chunk of debris finally reached it, crumpling the trailer like cheap foil.
Time to move.
Particles prickled Norman’s eyes, finding their way through the nightsight. He took a fresh glimpse of the path ahead before clouds of grey engulfed it all.
Memorised.
He dashed on. A split second later, the cabin was levelled under a larger slab of concrete. More sporadically thundered down around him. His eyes were squeezed shut, denying entry to any more particles. He scrambled through the street, dodging obstacles from memory. As for the concrete rainfall that couldn’t be seen? He had some prayers about that, but it probably came out like half-baked gibberish.
Norman chanced opening his eyes. They watered like crazy. At least most of the dust was gone. Behind him, the eyescraper’s menacing silhouette was picking through the rubble. Finally, an unblocked street was in sight. He rounded the corner.
.
“̵̨̢̮͕̻̲̺́͠G̵̣̒́̓̽̅̊͘͝Ọ̷̝̣͓͙͔̀ͅͅǪ̷̜̺͚̲̯̭̈́̍͂͑̋̋̅͂̅́M̷̨̤̭͈̯̤͋̾̏̈̅̉̀̏͘M̵̡̢̙̱͌̊̓͒́͌Ḿ̸̳͗̀̀͐͒͗́͠ͅ!̷͍͉̣̪̫͙̳̲̤̎̀̾̅̈́̔̎̑͘͜͝͝!̴̨͈͖̘̖̅͛̋̽͠!̸͎̩͓̫̥̼̫̊”̵̫̗̞̣̝̃̅̕͘͜͜͝ͅ
.
Another peeping building, rumbling in from the new street. Alright. Straight it was.
.
“̷̢̧̻̹͚͔̾G̵̳̭̾̃̎̍̌̂̈́̂͛͘M̶̧̠͇͔͚͉̮͈̰͒͊́̏̔̄̾̊͐̒͂͜M̸̳͓̋͋̔͑̔̔̕͝Ő̷͓̟̱̮͓̍̂̾̽̇͘͠Ô̸̧̫͉̮͚̥̥̯̈̾͋̅͂͘̚M̶̢̫̥̰̮̪͙̬̙̗̺̽͒͐͌̋̈̄͆͝M̴̢̧̧̛̗͔͓̫̭̳̱͑̉!̵̡̛̛͍̲̓̅̑̈́̿̏͘̕͠!̸̧̖͔̣̩̏́͋̀͛͂̏̀̇̑͐!̴̧͕̝̮̤̱͈̬͋”̸͓̉̈́̑̎͊̌
.
Maybe not. A third building emerged from the rainfall ahead. All streets blocked. He glanced about. All alleys still blocked. This really was a hunting net, but this much energy for a tiny human? Predators weren’t usually like this.
He ran for the nearest building that wasn’t occupied by eldritch calamari.

( ( BOOMM! ) )

The eyescraper’s tentacle crossed his path. Its supersonic shockwave sent him flying.
.
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Norman came to. Rain poured against his face as he lay on his back. How long was he out? Why was it so cold? The atmosphere didn’t quite feel right. It didn’t look right either. Something about the colours, or subtle lack thereof. Everything seemed a bit desaturated. Norman sat up and coughed his lungs out, evicting a mix of dust and rain water collected in his slackly gaping mouth. Buildings towered above him on every side, a bit too close for comfort.
.

“̸̮̼͍̻̯̲̹͓̬̻̓̍G̷̛̖̙̰̰̟̓Ḿ̸̧̨͊̊̔͒͌̆͆͘͠͝M̷̧̺̏̿̆͑͆͋̅͌̕͝G̵̰̺͇̺̯̲͇̠͖͂͜M̸̡̨͕̹̗̥̎͑́̾!̸͇͙͚̝̩͕̙̒!̵͙̬̮̪̏̍!̶͔̪͉̙̘̃̐̄͝”̶̡̡̥̫̻̝̜̫͙̩͛ͅ

.
Oh, right, those weren’t just buildings.
Norman raised a finger, gesturing to wait. “Could you *kaff!* quit subwoofin’ at me for, like, ten seconds!”
“Plucky.̵͚͐͝ for all seasons I .̵̦̺͐̅see,” came a skin-crawling voice from behind him.
Norman swung back his smitelight. It barely moved half a foot, then it stopped. Rather, something stopped it. That ‘something’ was cold. So cold. His wrist felt the chill without even touching it.
Norman turned, slowly, so as not to trigger further attacks. He found himself looking up.
Eight feet tall. Dark grey skin. A grin that went a little too wide. Dagger teeth. An open-chested jacket, revealing sinewy muscles with luminous markings like tattoos. His ebony eyes bore penetrating white pupils. Of all his traits, the dreadlocks stood out most. They belonged in a nightmare, dancing through the air with a life of their own. Somehow, they looked blacker than black, absorbing every ray of light or heat that came their way. That icy chill in the air shifted with the movements of his dreadlocks. They seemed to drink life from the air itself. Norman almost found it hard to breathe. One dreadlock clutched Norman’s smitelight, only by the tip, but its grip was iron.
Norman stared the tall man down.
The nyctal’s grin grew by a smidgeon.
Taking a calculated risk, Norman released the smitelight. Perhaps a peace offering would do good.
“Good.̷̧͋͌̎̿ boy,” the tall man nodded, admiring the smitelight as the dreadlock rotated it. “Clever.̴̧̤̩͈͓̖͂ͅ toy.”
Norman noted an understated Jamaican accent in his voice.
More dreadlocks slithered across the smitelight, as if tasting its every nook and cranny.
Norman did his best to look casual as he scanned for an escape route. The eyescraper’s tentacles had wrapped around the street, fencing him in.

_CHAT

• BAJANETTE11: 😳
• DARCIE222: okay, i’m back
• HARD-BACK-M8N: who you is again?
• DARCIE222: i left after the twilight angel sleep paralysis
• LEMMY_OUTA_HERE: And you’re back for more?
• DARCIE222: wonna know it impossible to stay away from a channel like dis

Norman looked at the tall nyctal again.

_CHAT

• DARCIE222: 😲 WHO IS THAT?!? AND WHY IS HE KIND OF …??? 😍
• MUNSTER-VERSER: I KNOW!!!
• BAJANETTE11: HE LIKE A VAMPIRE RASTA MAN! ❤❤❤
• ENTO_MOLLY: MOVE OVER MIGUEL O’HARA!! 😍🥰😘
• BAJANETTE11: NORMAN ASK FOR HE NUMBER!!!
• NORMAN: I HERE ABOUT TO DIE AND WONNA WANT HE PHONE NUMBER!?!

The nyctal’s eyes shifted to Norman inquisitively. He frowned, raising an eyebrow as the comments piled up. Finally, he smirked mischievously.
“Your fanbase has peculiar tastes,” purred the tall man.

_CHAT

• ENTO_MOLLY: 😳 Is … he talking about us? HE CAN SEE THE CHAT???
• DARCIE222: THE WAY HE SAID IT!!!
• DARCIE222: HBVJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJKL;K''
• LEMMY_OUTA_HERE: Did she just pass out on the keyboard?
• LIKKLE-BOY: lol!
• ARN74: you’re simping. Norman’s about to die, and you’re simping

The tall man handed Norman his smitelight.
Norman’s suspicious gaze flicked between the nyctal and the weapon. Finally, he reached out and took hold of the smitelight.
It crumbled in his fingers like ice-cold ashes. If not for the insulation gloves, he might have gotten frostbite.
The nyctal laughed.
Norman didn’t find it particularly amusing.
The tall man sauntered towards the eyescraper. Beyond it was a darkness even the nightsight had difficulty piercing. He beckoned Norman as if it were an afterthought.
“Please come in, .̵̭̻͌̓̂Norman.̶̲͕͇̅̑̚,” the nyctal instructed.
Norman stared stubbornly, hands in his pockets as he rocked on his heels. He felt for his smartphone. It wasn’t there. When had he lost it?
Without looking back, the nyctal held up Norman’s phone. It disintegrated between his fingers as he rubbed them together.
Norman glared. At least the guy hadn’t pickpocketed deeply enough to find other things.
“Hey. To whom do I owe the … pleasure?” Norman almost had to push the last word through his teeth.
The nyctal stopped in the eyescraper’s doorframe. Shrouded in shadow, little could be seen of him, save the piercing white pupils peering out. Then the glint of his Cheshire grin.
“.̴̜͓̭̻̤̍̈́̆͑͑John Crow.̸̻̮̓̈́̏̓͘,” he answered, before receding into the darkness.
The eyescraper’s tentacles dragged in across the street, corralling Norman towards the building. With an exasperated groan, he trudged towards the main entrance.
“I want my bed,” grumbled Norman.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Become a free member on Patreon to read Part 14, 'Sleeping Giant', early! It will be released there today or tomorrow. For the visual 'mood writing' version (previously called 'artitext') and more Caribbean sci-fi, become a paid member for only $3! See links in comments.
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Hello everyone, I have been addicted to pornography since I was 8 years old and it's only gotten worse and has taken a stranglehold on my life, I have struggled with hypersexuality and pornography for years (I fully orgasm 7+ times a day) with my addiction and now I think I found a way to rid myself of this once and for all.
Reddit is my last weak link, when I block Reddit for good, there will be ZERO loopholes for my hypersexual mind anymore. First let's start off with personal computers and laptops, for my PC I use ColdTurkey blocker and it's the best blocker you can get IF you use it with NextDns. You can't uninstall it and I locked my BIOS behind a password I can't even remember so I can't even reset my laptop anymore to overcome Cold Turkey Blocker. But remember, NextDns is VERY important along with a few others apps I will show you.
With the blockers on I can't even visit the website OR turn NextDns off! My porn addiction has gotten so strong that I have even blocked all search engineson my laptop, so I have to search on my phone using the safe SPIN browser.
I have multiple AI threat driven detection blockers and third party blockers installed within NextDns and it works great! I can ONLY get around it when I have a passcode to get around it, the website to NextDns is blocked with cold turkey blocker with a secure password I don't have access to. I had to turn it off temporarily to install an app for work.. I relapsed but I am getting back on my feet and will continue my journey to be clean from this dopamine addiction.
Blocks browsers, websites, everything you'd want blocked. ColdTurkey
Setup some passwords and store them somewhere not readily accessible or you can create a timer within the app and you won't be able to unblock, uninstall, nothing without the password or until block expires.
And for Android, "App block" is by FAR the best app you can use to block websites, downloads, applications from opening, and even keywords in the URL! Pincode to unlock the app, pincode to turn off blocks, and another to unblock strict mode... Very secure and you can keep multiple codes away where you can forget about them. Like at a friend's house or somewhere you can't easily get to.
These measures have worked for the most part really, really well! I had to unblock certain things for my new job so I can install apps and I fell back into my old habits... But since I don't need to install anything else, I am about to setup my blocks again. Combined with SPIN browser and my NextDns filters absolutely NOTHING can get through, only through me stealing someone's computer or phone can I access pornography now.
With Appblock I have used it constantly with free wifi, wifi at home, etc.. and the safeguards, AI driven detection, etc.. works fine. I can't disable it either with the Appblock or go into my phone settings without a password once I have everything set up.
I can't explain it but once you get it set up it really works great. With NextDns you can also block any top level domains easily, .to .de .cc .wf .av etc... The AI monitoring blocks sites as well, There's free blacklists that are awesome, all you gotta do is press any of them and it's added, All for only $1.99/mo.
In addition to that, you can block websites manually too by adding them to the deny list. Combine this with cold turkey blocker or SPIN browser & Appblock and it's a good enough deterrent that will be a 100% deterrent once I block Reddit. Reddit has too much info on how to bypass blocks such as search engines you have never even heard of.
So, goodbye reddit! I'm focusing on my mental healing from the years of scarring myself with hours long porn binges that last well into the early morning simply because my body can't help itself, I didn't ask to be born hypersexual but I am sick of porn and my addiction to it because it's ruining my life
Lookup SPIN browser on Google play
Here's Appblock https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=cz.mobilesoft.appblock
Here's cold turkey blocker https://getcoldturkey.com/
And here's NextDns https://nextdns.io/

Round 1, Pick 12 - Bo Nix, QB, Oregon:
NFL: Nix is an experienced playmaker with the arm talent and athleticism to execute Sean Payton’s offense in Denver. He fits the Drew Brees-like prototype, getting the ball to his playmakers and accurately delivering passes at the short and intermediate levels.
CBS Sports: C-. I don’t love Nix, but I get the pick. Desperation forces teams to pick quarterbacks earlier than they should. Sean Payton obviously sees Drew Brees in him, but this is way early. Why not trade down and get him later?
ESPN: The Broncos thought enough of Nix to make him the sixth quarterback off the board among the draft's first 12 picks. The draft many consider to be the gold standard for quarterbacks -- 1983, that included John Elway -- had six quarterbacks selected in the first round overall, but just two of those in the first 10 picks. Nix's efficiency -- he completed at least 71% of his passes in all 14 games this past season and was at 74.9% completion rate for the season overall -- makes him an easy fit in Sean Payton's offense, as do his mobility and experience (61 games in five college seasons). The Broncos need far more of the QB Nix was at Oregon rather than Auburn given he threw 29 and 45 touchdowns, respectively, in his two seasons in Eugene. He did not have more than 16 touchdown passes in any of his three seasons at Auburn.
NFL Absolutely Not Fake News: ‘Https://youtube.com/watch?v=GTg7y0VRYNI’.
Round 3, Pick 76 - Jonah Elliss, DE, Utah:
NFL: The son of massive former Lions DL Luther Elliss, Jonah is -- by contrast -- an undersized rusher. He broke out last season with quickness off the ball, decent length and consistently good effort. I thought he was more of a Day 3 player than Day 2, but he could surprise me.
CBS Sports: A-. Twitched-up polished rusher. Production didn’t necessarily match his impressive traits. Serious bend around the corner too. Rushes get high and has long invisible stretches but the highlights are awesome. Needed addition in Denver.
ESPN: In a division that includes Patrick Mahomes and Justin Herbert at quarterback, the Broncos needed more pop on the defensive edge. They haven't had an edge rusher finish with at least 10 sacks since Von Miller had 14.5 in 2018. Elliss did not work out at the combine or pro day because of a shoulder injury he suffered late in the 2023 season, but he's a high-effort player who should contribute immediately. His father, Luther, played his final NFL season with the Broncos in 2004 and his brother, Kaden, played in New Orleans during Payton's time as head coach. Jonah Elliss flourished in the Utes' defense this past season with 16 tackles for loss and 12 sacks.
NFL Absolutely Not Fake News: Will flip over any game of Monopoly he sees out of principle.
Round 4, Pick 102 - Troy Franklin, WR, Oregon:
NFL: It was a bit surprising that Franklin went outside the top 100 given his game-changing speed, yet his game is a little one-dimensional right now. He'll have a chance to regain his mojo in Denver, reuniting with his former college QB, Bo Nix.
CBS Sports: A+. Lean effortless speedster with impressive flexibility to get in and out of his breaks. Complete wideout after the catch and tracking it but not a contested-catch type and because of his ultra-skinny frame, is bothered by physicality. Cheap trade up cost too. Excellent.
ESPN: Franklin is a quality value pick in this spot, and the Broncos wanted him enough to move up from No. 121 to snag him with the second pick made on Day 3. Franklin's speed (4.41 in the 40-yard dash at the scouting combine) is needed in the offense. New quarterback Nix has a comfort level with him -- Franklin was one of the receivers for Nix in his private workout for the Broncos. Franklin set a school record this past season in receiving yards (1,383), receiving touchdowns (14) and 100-yard receiving games (eight). He figures to be in the rotation early if he can show his expected impact down the field.
NFL Absolutely Not Fake News: He said-a hip, hop, the hippie, the hippie To the hip hip hop-a.
Round 5, Pick 145 - Kris Abrams-Draine, CB, Missouri:
NFL: I had KAD going earlier than this, even if his lack of bulk and length limits his ability to handle bigger receivers. This is tremendous value for Denver, as Abrams-Draine could win the nickel job early on with his playmaking knack. Chris Harris 2.0?
CBS Sports: A+. Ultra-pesky inside-outside CB who rocked in the SEC for multiple years. Not incredibly fast nor length with size. Awesome tackling reliability. Routinely finds and makes plays on the football underneath and at intermediate level. Has plus long speed. Spectacular value here.
ESPN: The Broncos signed Levi Wallace in free agency earlier this month -- Wallace has started 70 games in his career -- but they still have an opening in the starting lineup opposite Pat Surtain II. Abrams-Draine started his career at Missouri as a wide receiver, and you can see that in his play as a defender when he tracks the ball and in contested-catch situations. He has 4.44 speed and had 40 passes defensed in his career with the Tigers. He'll be in the mix with Wallace, Damarri Mathis and Riley Moss to be the pick at an outside corner spot. At 5-foot-11 3/8 inches and 179 pounds, Mathis will have to show he can battle more physical NFL receivers. He also adds some potential value in the return game -- he returned kickoffs in three of his seasons at Missouri.
NFL Absolutely Not Fake News: Actually tried to learn to read windings as a kid.
Round 5, Pick 147 - Audric Estimé, RB, Notre Dame:
NFL: Sean Payton had a few bigger backs, such as Tim Hightower and Chris Ivory, in his time in New Orleans, and Estimé fits that mold. For now, he's a two-down hammer who can tenderize defenses, but don't overlook his starting potential eventually, despite lacking good speed.
CBS Sports: A-. Audric Estime, RB, Notre Dame. Built like a Greek god. Ultra-wide frame and plays exactly how you’d expect. Defenders routinely fall off him. Very slow. Will not run away from many at the next level. Has surprising quicks for his size, can work through smaller tracks between the tackles.
ESPN: Estime is the kind of raw power presence the Broncos haven't had in the run game in some time. Javonte Williams, at his best, forces piles of broken tackles, but Estime, at 5-11 3/8 and 221 pounds, runs with a slightly different kind of profile. He averaged 6.4 yards per carry last season for the Irish and has shown himself to be adept in blitz pickup with the potential to be a productive part of a passing game. Williams never looked quite himself last season, his first full season back from an ACL tear, and the Broncos were one of the worst teams in the league with just eight rushing touchdowns for the season. Payton has promised a better, more efficient running game and has repeatedly said a young quarterback's best friend is a defense and a good running game. Estime will have the opportunity to carve out some playing time as quickly as he shows a comfort level in the offense.
NFL Absolutely Not Fake News: Has his college ID number as his gamertag.
Round 7, Pick 235 - Devaughn Vele, WR, Utah:
NFL: The 26-year-old Vele spent two years on an LDS mission, making him one of the older prospects in this class. But he's 6-foot-4 with long arms and sub-4.5 speed and jumping ability, making him a developmental jump-ball target.
CBS Sports: B. Tall long-striding vertical field-stretcher. Lacks burst off the ball. Can box out near the sideline and in traffic but not dominant in that area. YAC is good, not great. Intriguing type.
ESPN: Vele is a big receiver -- 6-4, 203 pounds at the scouting combine -- and is one of the oldest players in the draft. He will turn 27 on Dec. 12. He played 38 of his 47 career games for the Utes over the past three seasons. He is the second wide receiver in this seven-player draft class, and he faces a scrap to find his way into the rotation, especially if Tim Patrick shows he has regained his form after back-to-back seasons impacted by injuries. Vele ran 4.47 in the 40 at the combine and has punt return skills as well, so athletically he has a chance to carve out a role in what might be, because of his age, a tight career window.
NFL Absolutely Not Fake News: Roger here, just hoping everyone has enjoyed the draft this year.
Round 7, Pick 256 - Nick Gargiulo, C, South Carolina:
NFL: A Yale transfer, Gargiulo has experience at center, guard and tackle, but he's best at home inside. He's smart, competitive and long.
CBS Sports: B-. Big, long, technically sound interior blocker who won’t move people routinely but doesn’t get tossed around inside. Made transfer from Yale to South Carolina with relative ease. Nothing spectacular about his game but minimal liabilities either.
ESPN: He was at Yale for five seasons, including a COVID-19 year where they didn't play, before one year at South Carolina. He has versatility given he played at left tackle, center and left guard in his career. He moves well and showed this past season he could hold up against the defensive linemen in the SEC. With Lloyd Cushenberry's departure in free agency, the Broncos have a crowd of young players ready to compete for the job that could include Alex Forsyth and Luke Wattenberg -- Broncos picks in the previous two drafts -- as well as fifth-year veteran Sam Mustipher and now Gargiulo.
NFL Absolutely Not Fake News: At least he won’t always get compared to Brock Purdy.

i 16f am the 5th child on my mothers side and on the younger half of my dads family. my mother and father divorced back in 2016 when i was in elementary school. this divorce had traumatized me and made my childhood and current life difficult. i’ve never had complete family moments because our family is very dysfunctional. anyways following the divorce i stayed with my dad until i had to move in with my mom. although he was given visitation, he was normally pretty caring to me and my older sister. that was until recent years. he let us know we had younger siblings on the way. and at the time it wasn’t clear to me that he had a new family, nor did i know that new family would be the start of my fathers odd behavior and the end of our bond. her make me ship all my things to them because in his eyes his new kids and his new wife needed them more. fast forward to 2020-2023 my dad became more and more ignorant of me. he’d ignore me and always be on the phone with his new family whenever i was around. he’d care for them more and started putting all his time and effort into them. it was almost as if he had forgotten i existed. as i got older i began to realize how horrible my dad truly was and how my youth blinded me. he was abusive, chauvinistic and very narcissistic. he’d tell me that women were made just to cook and clean, not want to have basic father daughter time, spend every penny on his other family, dirty up his home and leave it like that until me and my sister arrived for visit to clean for him and regularly say hurtful things to me. when i say i was disgusted i mean it was absolutely atrocious. his home, his words, all of it. my father began to neglect me and my sister. so as a result i became detached from him. i remember on my freshman year in high school, my mom couldn’t afford every little thing. so i asked for his support since i wasn’t of age for a job and my sister had her own money. i had to beg this man to take care of me and do his job as my father. he said i was a needy nuisance and that he pays my mom so why should he be helping me now. as a result, i felt hurt and as soon as i could i got a job the following summer. when i had gotten my job i had asked him to drop me off there for them to finish my proceedings. this broke the straw on the camels back, as he began to swear at me and cuss me out, i wont go into detail but he was some telling me women like me don’t need a job and that i don’t listen and some other hurtful things about me. i hung up on him before he could say anything else. the last time i had seen in around august he refused to apologize and said that he was my god and i needed to listen to whatever he told me, as his words were over mine. at that very moment my hatred for him was cemented. from then on i refused to speak to him and hid my very existence from him. a few months later he popped up bothering my sister to force me to call him. and out of pity for her time, i did. the second i called he began asking me for 300+ dollars i had made while working to give to his new family. i was immediately enraged and hung up. not even a hi, or nothing. my mother says i should forgive him and that this is unfair even though she also dislikes him and my sister says just ignore him because african men are like this (as we are african people). fast forward to now he has come to my house at 7am on a school day while i was preparing to leave. he bombarded me on where the money is and to unblock him. he keeps asking for money from me even after his shitty behavior. i am unsure on if i am wrong for not giving him any of my hard earned money that he had harshly cursed me for…im not up to do it…and i feel like i deserve an apology…aita?

Postponing filming (Timestamp: 1:21) - Schwartz: Well, it's funny because we're postponing filming this season. And there's been a lot of speculation, rumors afloat. Is the show ending? Is this the end? The end of an era? I personally, maybe I'm a little delusional. Maybe I'm delulu. I think we needed to let the show breathe. I think we need a reset. And maybe I'm delusional. But I feel like we're just getting started on a new era. I could be sorely mistaken, but the show… - Jax: Yeah, it's called The Valley. - Schwartz: Thats a good one. - Jax: That's called The Valley. - They all laugh - Jax: I mean, like honestly, where does it go from here? I mean, let's be real, like not everybody's hanging out as much as they used to anymore. I mean, people kind of are going off on their own paths and doing their own thing. I mean, look, I honestly would be very shocked if Ariana came back to the show. I'd be shocked. She's got a lot going for her. I mean, does actually everybody still hang out on a regular basis? You think that are on the show? - Schwartz: I still text everybody except for Ariana. I'm still blocked. Ariana, it's time to unblock me.
Sandoval during the reunion (Timestamp: 12:37) - Jax: Can I just say though, so far what I've seen, I think the way Tom is handling himself on the reunion, just the way his composure is, and I think the way he's answering questions, he's not really fired up, he's just kind of letting the questions come to him, and then he's kind of, he's very calm when he's answering, unlike the past reunions where he gets really fired up and really aggressive and coming at people and the veins are popping out. He's really doing a good job of just keeping it together, I think. - Jax: Like he's just kind of letting the questions come and he's kind of like, it's almost kind of like he took something before this because he's just kind of like, he's just there. Do you know what I'm saying? He's not really, he's not really, you know what I'm saying in the past, he's always like, you do this, but this, but that, he's not really doing that so far. - Schwartz: He wasn't hyper defensive. I think he almost lost his cool one time, I think in the last part of the reunion. I don't remember the specifics. Yeah, but I think he kept his composure and I will say like relative to, you guys remember last year's reunion, he was fucking- - Jax: Crazy. - Schwartz: Diabolical. This one was pretty civil, but raw and heartfelt and very uncomfortable at times, but… - Jax: Kristen said it felt very final. That was her words. - Schwartz: I think, listen… - Brittany: For the finale, not for the reunion. - Jax: Yeah, yeah. - Schwartz: Yeah. - Jax: That's what she said. - Schwartz: Well, it's like, yeah, I mean, you know, it's like Jax, before we started the podcast, we were talking about like, you know, when you do reality TV, there's like this, there's unspoken rule that you have to bring it, man. You have to be radically honest, but like the first part of doing reality TV, or the first rule is you don't talk about what you have to do to make a good reality show. - Jax: Yeah. - Schwartz: Like we have an understanding that we go in there, we remove our sensors, we have uncomfortable conversations that we would prefer to put off. - Jax: Right. - Schwartz: Probably forever. - Jax: Right. - Schwartz: But ultimately, they're conversations, they're organic, real conversations that need to be had. - Jax: Of course. - Schwartz: They're healthy conversations, just we do it in a condensed timeline. And I mean, I think the lines got blurred a little bit, because it's like, you know, like the fourth wall was broken a lot in our finale. - Schwartz: Like Lala's talking about show up, do your job, and there's no doubt about it unequivocally, Lala fucking does her job, but I don't know, when I think about it as a job, it feels like it kind of detracts away from the reality a little bit. - Schwartz: These are my friends, I love these people. I've grown up with these people, and I don't know, man, for the first time ever, like the lines have been blurred a little bit. It's like, because I totally understand. - Brittany: I think it's important to break the fourth wall, especially on a show like Vanderpump and The Valley, like they let us break the fourth wall too, and I think it's necessary because we've already been on TV for so long. - Brittany: Like it's not when you just first started out and you really were waiting tables all the time, and you know, it's a different dynamic. Now, I mean, you guys are getting followed with people with their cameras out the whole time you're filming. Now it's a whole different life than it was 10 years ago, 11 years ago when you started. - Jax: I like when the producers talk during interviews, like they'll answer questions and stuff. I like that because it becomes more real. And people know, they know, you know, what's going on. - Jax: They know obviously this is a reality show. They know where we work and what we do. So breaking the fourth wall at this point in the game, I think is smart. - Brittany: Yeah, I think it's a good idea. And I also did the after show with Lala. So I got to hear her ramping and raving about this whole, the finale and how like she was screaming at Ariana and stuff and. - Schwartz: I think her points were valid, but I also think that Ariana, grey walling or grey stoning, like Tom at the end and not wanting to have that conversation. I think it was earned in light of the such a crazy. - Brittany: Yeah, I mean, it was horrible what she was put there. I of course see both sides. And I'm sure you're like that too. Me and you are so much alike in these ways. Me and you are so much alike when it comes to that. - Brittany: We're people pleasers and we just, I don't really like the confrontation, whatever, but like I get what Lala was saying, cause I was in the after show with me and she was like, Brittany, you, for example, like whenever I was cheated on, I still filmed and did, I know I'm not comparing it by any means, what Ariana went through was way worse. I'm not saying it's the same at all. - Brittany: This is just what Lala said. She was like, but you still came, filmed, did what you had to do, blah, blah, blah. And of course I took him back, completely different situation. - Brittany: But I get what she was saying, like when you have to put your life out there and this is what has gotten you this far. So she had like, of course she was like heated and feeling some type of way about it. But then again, Arianna absolutely hates Tom Sandoval. So she doesn't want to talk to him. - Schwartz: And it's our job to live our truth. But that's the thing, man. I think it will be kind of polarized at the end. I think it would be a mixed interpretation of the ending of our finale. And it's like, I don't know, man. It's like, yeah, when you say it explicitly, when you start talking about doing your job, show up, do the work. - Brittany: I get what you're saying. - Schwartz: Oh, I'm like, I cringe, I'm like, you guys are my friends. These are real, these aren't storylines on a fictional TV show. This is my life. And I feel like it really detracts from the authenticity. - Brittany: I think Lala was more worried, like, are we gonna get another season? Like, if we're not talking and hanging out, like, you just never know. - Schwartz: She's right. - Brittany: It's up in the air 24 seven. - Schwartz: Yeah, but also you can't deny what Ariana said… - Brittany: Yeah, like if Ariana was like, I definitely just do not want to talk to him. Like you said, that's how she felt. They can't force somebody to do something they really, really don't want to do, even though. - Schwartz: Like if she shrugged her shoulders, and was like, you know what, it's my job. I don't know, would that have been better? Do I want that? - Brittany: Yeah, that's a good point. - Schwartz: Does the audience want that? - Brittany: That's a good point. I didn't think of it like that. - Schwartz: I don't know. - Brittany: Because then you might feel a little too forced. - Schwartz: Yeah, I mean, I was anticipating that conversation too. Like I can take myself out of the show and be a fan. I love watching Vanderpump Rules. If I can fast forward through my parts.
Bar Crawl (Timestamp: 27:03) - They talked about this bar crawl that Jax and Schwartz are hosting (I posted a Reddit post all about it) - Schwartz: And by the way, I asked Katie if they wanna include something about her, and she hasn't got back to me. I know they're only open during the day, but I don't want people to think that we iced them out. Because I'm so proud of Ariana and Katie, but it's just like, yeah.
If you had to pick one person, who brought it this reunion? (Timestamp: 31:24) - Schwartz: I would say one person who brought it. La La. Everybody brought it. I'm actually proud of everybody. The lame Schwartz answer. If I had to pick one person, I would say Lala and Ariana.
***end of recap

This post serves as an index of the guides, tweaks, fixes, and tips & tricks content I've shared over the years.

Guides and Tutorials

This section primarily focuses on guides and tutorials in technology.

• Watch YouTube Ad-Free and with SponsorBlock on iOS, iPadOS, tvOS and macOS with Privacy-Friendly App Yattee! ^{May 08, 2023}
• ​How to Set Up Private DNS on Mi Box / S 4K / Android Tv Box with ADB over Wi-Fi. ^{May 12, 2021}
• All Continuity Features Work w/ BCM94352HMB including Auto Unlock With Apple Watch, but... ^{Dec 26, 2020}

^\Sorted by Date])

• Shortcuts Automation: Smart Charge Level Notifier ^{Mar 23, 2024}
• YouTube Fix & Customizations (4+ Videos Per Row & Theater Mode Sidebar Chat) ^{Mar 01, 2024}
• Guide: Adding NextDNS Resolver to DNSCloak with Custom Configuration and Device Name ^{Dec 15, 2023}
• Created a Bookmarklet to Open Current Instagram Tab (Profile or Post) in a New Tab with Alternative Web Viewer Imginn ^{Aug 13, 2023}
• How to Prevent Experiencing "Charging on Hold" and "Charging was on hold due to iPhone temperature"? ^{Aug 10, 2023}
• Speak Text Action Bug Workaround ^{Sept 24, 2022}
• How to Schedule Shutdown, Restart, Sleep via Terminal ^{Apr 23, 2022}
• How to Update Apple Watch Faster ^{Mar 15, 2022}
• How to Set Up Private/Encrypted DNS Ad Blocking on iOS and Android ^{Dec 08, 2021}
• HomeKit: No Remote Access, Not Available for Remote Access, Not Responding (Mi LED Desk Lamp 1S) ^{Aug 19, 2021}
• How to remove Windows and hide Tools and have a Clean OpenCore Boot Menu? ^{Mar 31, 2021}
• Installed / Updated Intel Power Gadget, macOS freezes after login? ^{Feb 08, 2020}

Tips & Tricks

This section features tech tips.

• Kingston SSD Manager Fails to Detect SSD: KScode3 Identify failed ^{May 09, 2024}
• Tips & Tricks to Watch YouTube Without Any Interruptions ^{Mar 26, 2024}
• Mac Mini M2 Pro (Upgraded) vs Mac Studio (Base) ^{Jul 03, 2023}
• Ad Free YouTube Tips and Alternatives ^{Jun 30, 2023}
• NextDNS and iOS Private Relay Conflict Tip ^{Feb 23, 2023}
• What is WiFi-Calling? ^{Feb 13, 2023}
• How to Sideload an App on Android Tv ^{Jan 30, 2023}
• How to Automate Start Charging When Battery Falls 20% and Stop Charging When it Reaches 80%? ^{May 16, 2022}
• Python Fix on macOS ^{Mar 10, 2021}

CSS Hacks and Styles

This section emphasizes CSS hacks, also known as UI fixes and enhancements, utilizing uBO & AdGuard content blockers.

• Threads: Activate Video Controls ^{Sep 27, 2023}
• Epic Games Checkout Page Flashing Blinding White Background Fix ^{Jul 28, 2023}
• Yahoo Mail Ad Space Regain Mini Hack ^{Oct 11, 2022}

COMING VERY SOON 😀 💵 PROGRESSIVE PREMIUM💵
What does it include?❓ 😀• Spammers, Vendors, B4u, all type of bots such as food, cc, log, credit report, tlo, and more. 📲• Full Cooking tutorials with videos, links, materials, + more 🖥• Full spam guide with videos, materials, phis pages (custom), API setup, Custom domains, Host creation, & every tool setup needed. 🖥• Slips basics, pop on times, fonts, templates, glass channels , signature vids, and link to materials to start. 😻• Full ACH guide, will provide pictures, Where to get logs, what banks going fresh, how to link log, trial deposits & 3rd party apps, how to start ach transfer & how to wipe correctly. 🥳• Chase ACH ($25,000+) will provide full process with pictures & logs needed and account type needed. (Next day) 🤬• Full M2M process with what banks are going such as Afcu, Navy, Macu, & more. Providing steps & rdp connection guide. ⚙️• Disputes on mainstream banks such as Boa, Wells, and Chase ($1,500+)
🖥• RDP+Proxy setup & how they work, will teach how to connect, what they are used for, & where to buy, also what they prevent from causing. 🔎• Best sites for punching shoes, cloth, weapons, w33d, vapes, devices, tickets, & more coming soon based on suggestions. ⌛• How to refund big sites such as Adidas, New balance, Holister, Costco, Walmart, Stadium Good, Microsoft. Full steps included with basics/ways of refunding. 🖥• Full CPN creation guide with pictures, sites, Credit report info adding, Building credit & profile, Tri merging and more. 👾• Open Ups I will provide the information to open banks such as Navy Fed, Boa, Chase, Citi, US bank, And BMO. (more coming soon) 🌟• Enroll making, cashing, unblocking, spoofing, with pics, sites, apps, bins, cashout sites. 🎁• Giffy Jwett with sites, bins, cashout methods, and walkthrough. 💰• Apps to load $1,000+ including bins, sites, materials, unknown crypto apps, & gambling apps. 💳•Bin list, punching, non vbv, and more. 🏠• Wholesale Real Estate , Contracts, Guides, Videos Guides. ❤️• YouTube Automation, Guides,Apps To Edit,How To Start ⭐• E-commerce,Found what's Best Selling,How To Start 👟• Shoes Selling, How To Start Off, How To Check Market , Where To Sell Them At 🎮• Vending Machines Investing, How To Start Off, Requirements Need

I don't want this to come across as hate for the internet, because access to the internet opened my world and brought me my first friends. I was really isolated growing up and the internet has been my lifeline, so this isn't about that.
But, I am so tired and exhausted by consumerism and constant ad-messaging and paywalls. I feel constantly bombarded by ads for things I don't need, and I feel like most platform content these days does nothing but get in the way of friendship and community building. I can't keep my thoughts focused for anything because I am constantly being interrupted by absolute crap I don't want to know about. I feel like my mind is being stolen incrementally on a daily basis and I can't take it anymore. I feel like I'm covered in leeches and the only way to get them out of my face is to put them on payroll in a more convenient area of my life. Reddit is literally the only online place that I don't feel overwhelmed these days.
I used to really enjoy youtube, listening to other people's ideas, participating in some sort of community forum on topics of interest, but I feel like the entire human experience has been monetized at this point. Every video has 2+ ads, not to mention the ads embedded into the content by the creators themselves. What pushed me over the edge today was an ad for getting rid of ads without even an X to click off/close it. Sometimes I want to destroy my eyes and ears just to escape. I have ad-blockers but they don't appear to be affective and even those pop up and ask me for more money almost monthly. None of my friends post on instagram anymore. Everything is content-creators and advertisements for courses, trainings, coaching, items, clothing, etc. I can't even go for a walk without seeing 5+ ads for food and clothing. I can barely talk to another human being without them regurgitating some semblance of an ad I've heard, at some point in the conversation. "Have you heard about X. It sounds/looks so convenient/cool/amazing/fun! I'm thinking about getting it. They have free shipping and a free return policy." "Check out this Y! I absolutely love it. They're having a sale right now if you want some."
I'm done. I can't do it anymore. I deleted my entire youtube history and account. Instagram will be going next when I have the energy to sort through photos and contacts. I'm going to try and talk my partner into throwing dinner parties. I can't live like this anymore. I just can't. I feel like I'm drowning in a sea of ad-sense.
Even subscriptions I've paid for have added ads and secondary ad-free subscriptions. I'm finished with Amazon Prime when I'm done with my current show.
I'm all for creators getting paid for their work, but I cannot afford and don't care enough to pay to listen to the rambling thoughts of another person on inane topics, and I've reached my limited for advertisement intake. I need a drive with no billboards, and a walk with no advertisements. Even in suburban neighborhoods, roofers and renovators are advertising from the lawns. I want to cry, but it feels like such a stupid thing to cry about. How am I supposed to explain to people that I'm sobbing because the volume of advertisements right now is so overwhelming it makes me want to crawl in a hole and die or run away somewhere where I can't understand the language, just to be free. I feel boxed in on every side, driven in one direction, buy, buy more, buy everything.
Don't ask a friend for a ride. Buy one. Don't ask your partner to rub your shoulders. Buy a massage. Don't use the pavement outside your door. Buy a treadmill. Don't use the bicycle in your garage. Buy a two thousand dollar stationary machine and pay $40+ a month to access the screen. Don't visit with friends and talk about life, money, and relationships. Buy a subscription and listen to a forty-year-old influencer talk as if they have the wisdom of a lifetime, pretending they haven't made millions from selling common sense. Don't chop your own vegetables. Don't make your own food. Buy it and pay someone bring it to you $10 off today only!!
I'm going to build my actual physical library of books and music again. Convenience be damned. I don't need access to every damn song on the planet, at all times, in every place. I will do without.
Is this just me or is this hurting other people too? I know that I have combination inattentive & hyperactive ADHD which could factor into the impact, but I'm on medication and a supplement regime, and seem to have a solid handle on it in the rest of my life.
Is there a way to get away from all the ads without going the full Monty, moving into the woods and growing your own food? I really don't want to do that. I just want to live a simple life, with a regular job, in an average city...without constant pressure to buy. I don't want advertisements in my mailbox, my email, and my grocery store. I unsubscribe a hundred times and they just keep coming. I don't want to hear about the BIG SALE!!! that is occurring ONLY THIS WEEK...3 out of 4 weeks...all year round. How do I escape this?

Hi all, I'm a Illaoi main and love the spawn suite- RIP Eye of Nakagoborous. You may have seen a couple of my decks pop up here and there in the past couple of months. At the moment I'm laddering to masters and am currently in diamond. When I was playing only this deck, I got up to diamond 1 and thought it would be a great idea to plates another deck and sunk back to dia 4&3. Deck link right below for those who want the code and to play. Below that you'll find a quick guide on how to pilot.
Please let me know if you have any specific questions and I'll do my best to get back to you in a timely manner.
Buhru's Judgement: https://www.runeterrafire.com/decks/buhrus-judgment-19491
This deck features Gwen-Mord. I was workshopping the idea since the end of last season. I've got another variation of the deck featuring illaoi and more spawn units. After some play testing for a few weeks, I definitely think this is the stronger version.
Why is this the stronger version? The illaoi version takes out the Gwen units and replaces it for more spells and slower spawn units. With a meta that has hecarim and a little bit of aggro popping up its necessary to have a faster early game.
Not only that, the hallowed units will allow for more dmg for the first unit. This means more healing, and also acts as a decent engine for mord because you don't care if they die. Where as spawn units, you need to keep them alive.
The whole idea of the deck is get deathless on buhru lookout, soulcleave into mord, drop Nagakoborous or swing out to victory.
The champions are not the most important units in this deck. Imo Gwen is a glorified blocker who provides heal. I play smart with her but don't typically care if she is removed from board. I prefer her to be a magnet to kill spells so my win con isn't hit.
This deck is strong because most players don't anticipate a buhru lookout printer into nagakaborous win con. Once they realize what's happening its typically too late for them as they've used most of their kill spells on Gwen and mord.
If playing against aggro, you are playing to block with everything until board is stabilized. The below gameplan is not my mindset into hecarim or any other aggro deck. I drop every unit I can and block until I take board control then I start to apply my win con. In these games, Gwen becomes the most important unit for her healing and ability to fast attack.
THINGS IM CONSIDERING FOR CHANGES: I am considering running one less chronicler of ruin and I'm also considering running one less iron conquest for more kill spells. Maybe 1 ruination and 1 hate spike.
Play would look like:
Turn 1: Drop 1 cost unit or pass
Turn 2: drop iron conquest or any 2 drop
Turn 3: Drop Legion of the Severed and apply deathless to buhru lookout. -----please not if buhru lookout is not in hand, apply deathless to nagakaborous, Gwen, mord in that order. I typically only apply deathless to lookout or nagakaborous or hold onto it until I have lookout or Naga. Unless you need board presence, then I'll drop it and apply to a less favored unit.
Turn 4: drop Gwen or any unit under. Consider saving spell mana to reach 3 spell mana
Turn 5: drop buhru lookout (only consider dropping soul cleave on this turn if they are aggro)
Turn 6: drop chronicler of ruin if in hand or save 3 spell mana if you have soul cleave
Turn 7: play soul cleave on buhru lookout and then drop mord onto the ephemeral lookouts. Block or swing out.
Turn 8: drop Nagakoborous and typically win that turn or turn after.

Hello! I am planning on getting a consultation with a top surgeon near me soon and am super excited!! i seem to be lucky in the aspect that my state (U.S. based for extra context) takes insurance and had an anti-trans insurance law reversed last year, so i will likely have a very small bill for my surgery.
I have been looking into top surgery and wanting it since my fem puberty started around 9-12 years ago, and especially after I started T in late 2021 since it really kicked off the innate need to have my boobs gone. I have a basic understanding of what goes on, for example:
i know there are multiple types of surgeries, and the type you are able to get depends on chest size, and the amount of tissue you have. i know that some people opt for no nipples, but it’s common for people to keep them and have them stitched back on.
I know you shouldn’t smoke around a month leading up to the surgery, and some people are advised to stop taking testosterone, although i have seen debates on whether it’s necessary since cisgender men who undergo surgery don’t have to go on T blockers beforehand, and despite it being recommended- i notice that it’s usually up to the person getting top surgery whether or not to stop hormones.
i know that some people are given drains after the surgery, but some surgeons in specific states or countries utilize a type of incision/technique that helps with leaving little to no fluid buildup so drains aren’t needed. I know that lifting your arms up and moving around a lot is generally not a good idea since you risk ripping something, being in pain, popping stitches, etc.
i know that nipple grafts can fail, and sometimes people need revisions if they aren’t happy with results.
I feel like with baseline information about the surgery, i am pretty solid with understanding what happens and what will go down, but i do have an inkling i’m missing some more vital parts or bits of information here and there. i don’t know much about what TO do after surgery, i more so know what not to do so anything regarding how to make recovery safe and comfortable would be helpful :)
I would really appreciate if there is anything i’m missing or seem to have been misinformed about, along with any general tips, or ideas about what i should expect.
also if anyone has any resources on top surgery that seem like i would benefit from considering what i already know would be helpful! i am autistic and have some trauma regarding medical settings, so any and all little bits of information no matter how insignificant it seems would help put me at ease. i like to know everything and anything i can about a medical situation or important life experience like this so i don’t get overwhelmed and scared.
thank you :,)

Ok Reddit, you're not funny. Playing ads at me at max volume as I scroll down the page, just pisses me off. Do you WANT people to start creating Reddit ad blockers? Because they will.
How do I turn the audio feature off? I don't even want the videos auto-playing at all, but I will not stand for the audio popping up at full blast and F-ing up my laptop speakers every 26 seconds. Not going to happen.
What is the solution?

This website is trying really hard to annoy it's users.
First it refuses to display the prices of vehicles, unless I sign in, which is actually against the law for advertising a vehicle in Australia. When I call them up, they immediately tell me to stop using an VPN. That's great if I was using one.. then they ask me to provide my IP address and they will "unblock me" how does this even work with dynamic IP addresses? I have no idea. This all has been reported to the ombudsman, but unfortunately I have not received a response in over 3 weeks. Surface to say, the government doesn't care, and only priority is self regulation for businesses which obviously does not work.
Now they decide to continually show me the cookie warning pop up every time I view the page or navigate to a new page on the website. They also like to do a 'are you human check' I am almost certain this does not happen with Chrome. WHIC AGAIN every business seem to TELL ME it's the only web browser that works or I should be using.
Xjsbdn
Why can't add block stop this! I don't care about cookies! Well I do, but I care for my insanity over a few privacy concerns. I HATE POP UPS AND WEBSITE OVERLAYS they RUIN the internet.
P.s Why can't Firefox provide a way to spoof the user agent so websites 'think' I am using Chrome.. and even better why can't Firefox provide a way to 'fake' the browser finger prints so a website does not know what operating system I use, or just use a generic one and screen size etc.. obviously this might brake some website, but an easy toggle on/off would be fine. Website get way to much information from their user. Information they most certainly do not strictly need.
Thanks for any input.

So nothing too exciting to really update but I thought it was interesting-
I had decided to block my SP for my own peace of mind a couple weeks ago but then I had the strange feeling to unblock him yesterday. So I did and later that day I got a text from him saying that he hoped I was doing well and (and here it is the but-) he needed a favor. What the favor is doesn't matter, yes it's not the most ideal message for my end but I'm still persisting.
When his name popped up I did get excited, but i was on the verge of a nap so I let myself rest and then I visited my mom before I messaged him back. I didn't receive a response but that's alright. I still affirm when I feel like it, I have inner conversations with him, and at night I've found myself imagining us laying together. The other night I had a dream- even after taking a bit of a break- where he was telling me how much he misses me.
However- the request for advice comes in for a different area. Some people say that when your manifestation is coming in, things get worse and I'm not sure how true that is- but I thought things were going well and then some things happened and I have begun spiraling into a depression once more. My closest friend group has started falling apart, my mom feels as though she has grown distant, and I've been having issues with my neighbor which has me in a fearful state a lot of the time when I'm home.
Does anyone have advice on how to stay in the state of the wish fulfilled when the 3D feels like its dragging you down?

Got ghosted a month ago after we were talking for over 2 months (LDR, daily phone calls, 24/7 messaging, falling asleep on the phone, plans to meet/bought tickets to meet). He found out his friend died and then ghosted me by blocking me on everything the day after he found out. Not heard a peep from him since, I even sent him a card after a week. Though he recently unblocked me on 1 platform but no others, but still hasn't contacted me.
There's been a couple of guys asking me out on dates and they seem really cool, but I'm cautious to agree because I'm worried the ghost will pop back up. I know this is really stupid, I shouldn't even care if he pops up. I did really care for him and I really liked him, I thought he liked me too. But then I don't see how you can care for someone and chose to block them and not speak to them for a month. I suppose it's because idk if he's just grieving/dealing with a lot or if he simply never truly cared for me and doesn't want to talk to me.
We both had tickets to meet eachother in June. Idk if he might end up contacting me before then or what is going to happen.

I've been using brave for a bit now but for some reason it's not blocking Ads and pop ups like did before on certain sites. I've tried setting the blocker to aggressive and it still doesn't block how it did before. I just wanted to ask if anyone had any suggestions on how to solve this?

made this for my narrative essay in american literature, but one of my friends said i should share the story
“But I Still Need You” Throughout my life, I had always fallen easy for girls. The elementary mindset of, “she’s cute, so I have a crush on her,” prevented me from developing a legitimate relationship with any girl I tried to talk to. The few times that my feelings were reciprocated, I had no idea because I was already on to the next girl, and this continued until I was left with a multitude of friend-zone situations and a list of “crushes.” My charisma already lacking, it seemed each year that passed, previous to 3rd grade, I grew in weight and therefore awkwardness. The struggle to interact with women lessened as I grew up, while the fat remained. So, by the 8th grade I was the ideal guy friend; easy to talk to, kinda funny, understanding, and unintimidating. My approachable “funny fat friend” nature had its ups and downs. While guys, for reasons I still don’t fully understand, suspected me to be gay, girls found it intriguing and it made them want to be friends with me more. Back then I didn’t know, but now I know that by being forced to be friends first, after finding out I was in fact not gay, the right woman for me would want to be with me for my personality. In the winter of 2021, I fell hard for a girl named Madeline. Maddie was no different than many of the other girls in that she had a bland personality and I thought she was cute. She had brunette hair with bangs, big glasses, way too much makeup on, and a unique fashion sense. Her sense of fashion was one of the few interesting things about her, yet it was disregarded by the public. Not too many guys found her appealing, but I did, for whatever reason. I was dead set on getting to know her better in hope of becoming more than friends. Unfortunately, she hardly paid attention to me, but I didn’t give up. I merely slowed down because of my interest in her friend, Isabella. Isabella is the Spanish and Italian variation of Elizabeth (derived from the Hebrew name Elisheba). The meaning of Elishiba can be translated to, “God is my oath.” In Arabic, the beginning of Isabella, “Isa,” is the classical Arabic name for Jesus, while in the French language, the shortened version of Isabella, “Belle,” translates to “beautiful.” I had met Isabella in the sixth grade, and grew a tiny crush on her, in the elementary sense, before we all went into hibernation (COVID). I barely knew her though, and she had no idea who I was, so when we interacted in my last two classes, if we did at all, it was like two strangers who kept running into each other. I sat by her in my sixth period, and one seat up and to the right from her in seventh. We only ever made small talk and the occasional joke, but when I spoke with her I felt content. Still barely knowing her, all I could admire was the little things in the way she laughed and spoke. I longed to know more about Isabella, she was mature, intelligent, and very opinionated, but still light-hearted and made time pass at the speed of light. It wasn’t until she was in my group in sixth period one day that she began to open up a little by sharing the details of her current long-distance relationship. The shards of my heart stabbed and crushed my stomach; hope, the oxygen to my mind, depleted faster than the air of a broken space shuttle; palpitation, nausea, asphyxia, and neurosis bombarded me like Persian arrows on the Greeks. Then, all at once, the excruciating tidal wave evaporated, but instead of calm waters, I was left with a drought. Every emotion muted or gone, my body went numb while everything I cared for vanished from my mind. I didn’t speak throughout the rest of that day, and went directly from the bus to decaying in my bed. I was devastated, so I retreated to my pointless crush on Maddie. Unrelated to the rather sad lovelife, my anxiety and depression worsened throughout 8th grade, and while I was going to therapy, most of my issues wouldn’t and still haven’t been worked through. Throughout the school year I had developed a toxic system of self pity, in which I would spend hours a day cycling through the feelings of hope, anger, and despair- never that of joy. I knew what I was doing, gathering enough hope to face the school day just before I reflected on the doubts and grievances going on throughout my life. I’d bring myself up just for a greater fall because honestly, overtime I became numb to the natural pain. If I were going to fall into the pit that is depression, the higher I peaked in terms of optimism the more excruciating the freefall of nausea and the heavy flow of salt water. At that point in my life, I saw no point in getting out of bed to do anything, school or even my own mother’s birthday. By the end of eighth grade I had spent almost a total of six weeks absent, two of which were from me being quarantined. Typically over the span of one or two days, others up to four, I would be in my bed “sick.” During these mini-vacations I would sleep all morning, if my mom let me, and stay up all night, oftentimes listening to Radiohead or Cigarettes After Sex while staring at my ceiling. I wanted to stay up, I wanted to feel the bags grabbing and pulling towards my cheekbone, I wanted to feel empty, emotionally and physically. During the day, my anxiety attacks became panic attacks and I would get sent home for vomiting. I'd throw up to give Mom a reason to let me stay home. I’d throw up to feel something, anything. I’d throw up to keep my stomach empty. I’d throw up because I had to, because the nerves and overthinking forced me to. Every morning, I’d drag my black air force ones across cement, carpet, tiles, and marble, each step leading towards Mrs. Clements’ homeroom. For every step, a different worry or insecurity flashed through my brain. But then, out of the blue, I’m “Lincoln” again. I walk into homeroom with an ear-to-ear grin and dap up “the boys”. I’d spend the morning building up hopes of making Isabella laugh today, or maybe calling her once I got home, but I knew that nine times out of ten my hopes were delusional. To “Lincoln,” this was no problem, he would make a gay joke, join the boys with teasing a cute girl in my class, and laugh until just for a moment, the despair was gone. Finally, the sixth period would come and I’d get to see Isabella. In here I got the least work done out of all my classes as I would find myself strategically planning my next interaction with her, just for said plans to go out the window when I was brought face to face with her. Typically seventh period followed the same pattern except Ms. Shirley Davis could never allow small talk in her classroom. When the last bell rang, I went straight to the buses. I’d sleep on the way home, dreaming of a call that would hardly happen. On the off chance my phone didn’t reach its feared 11th cry, we’d talk for hours at a time. On a weekday or not, it seemed that, when we did call, it was guaranteed to go into the early morning. It’s hard to put my finger on a specific topic, or even general. In our conversations, we discussed anything and everything. Everything, except her own love interest. I admired this, as my inability to keep who I’m thinking about at the time a secret is a major flaw of mine. The more that me and her spoke, the more I grew to love her. Our talks were so honest, so raw, that the secret I held began to eat away at me. My core collapsing like a dying star, each day it felt like the pain got worse. To cope with the feelings I had buried deep inside me, I’d turn to my friends. At first, they said to come forward with my feelings, but I knew that’s what any friend would’ve said. The relief I got from venting the conflicting hurricane within me was brief. Overtime, their words of encouragement turned to annoyance, and understandably so. When people grew sick of the same old sadistic untold love, I turned to Isabella. I wrote a text so full that, to read it, one needed to tap on an arrow at the bottom right corner of my message. The essay was compiled with the confliction I had, developing feelings for a friend, and the sorrow that filled me each day that passed without her. I described the perfect imperfections that I admired about her, how life was complete when I spoke to her, the beauty that paralyzed me every time I saw her in person, and the character that I felt God had curated specifically for me. Sitting there unsure if I should press send, a fear grew within my chest that Isabella would see right through me. I could hear the music that so often triggered tears; the vocals of Thom Yorke or the beats of Kanye West, they faded in and out. What if she didn’t even respond? What if she thought I was a creep? What if- then she responded. Suddenly, the ominous 808s & Heartbreak pounding vanished, my respiratory chaos became paralyzed, and time stood still. I couldn’t breathe until I finished reading, and once I did, my sigh was all but relieving. Isabella explained to me how unhealthy my habits were; even in comparison to the anguish that would follow, I’d suffer far more and far longer should I suppress my emotions. She told me how that level of affection, in the context of the warped concept of romance most men had, was something she had only dreamt of. Isabella said that holding these feelings would eat away at me, exponentially increasing in severity, until I broke. Not only would I be hurting myself, but I would be depriving the person I care about most from the appreciation they deserve. I became bloated with fear of the friendzone, those insecurities, all based upon inference, became a reality with Isabella’s last piece of advice. She said, “If she doesn’t reciprocate those emotions, then don’t worry. I’m sure there’s a girl out there who can appreciate your compassion.” The blame had no other place to go than my shoulders, after all, I got what I asked for, advice on another girl. Isabella, even if she saw the crush I had on her, is far too kind to address it. She cared for everyone, and to her, she was merely boosting up a friend who’s down. For the rest of the night her text echoed through my mind; pain, regret, and admiration caused my mind to sporadically leap from conclusion to conclusion. Two years later, those words still haunt me, reiterations of that phrase torturing me when I least expect them. The school year progressed, but my aspirations with Isabella didn’t. Over time, the frequency of my writings grew to be weekly, at times reaching two a week, and the weight of my confessions depleted. I opened my audience to a mutual friend of Isabella’s, Miley, with the intention of acquiring useful advice. Eventually, my choice to try concealing what I felt for Isabella became too heavy of a burden, weighing down on me in forces I had not endured before. Soon, the love I had for Isabella turned to hatred for myself. I was relentlessly criticizing every aspect of myself and my mind. I hated how fat I was, my smile, my voice, my laugh, and most of all my personality. What I had thought was my greatest strength, was revealed as my worst trait. The gullibility I exhibited when thinking for a second Isabella could possibly like me; the lack of confidence that caused me to chicken out of confessing my feelings to her; my insufferable need to make people laugh; the hyperfixation I would develop for those that I love. Everything about me was wrong. I stopped eating, stopped sleeping, stopped caring, and eventually I stopped living. The “Lincoln” my friends had grown to recognize, the only remnant of the joy I felt when I was younger, died, and I was left with only my love for Isabella and resentment for myself. I began testing the limits of what was left of me, praying for relief. At first in the middle of the night, an anaconda would find its way to my throat, wrapping around my neck. Its cold black scales gracefully gliding across my skin before silencing my cries with the swift tug of its metallic USB head. The snake would maintain pressure until I let go of it, the entire time whispering into my ear, begging me to hold on. Some nights it came with what must have been a full stomach for it was drastically wider, it was brown these nights, with leather skin, and a slight warmth, but it behaved the same. Most visits from the snake ended with my vision blurry, my breath short, or my head dizzy. The only consistency of our transactions was Asia’s Death Lake that streamed down my face from start to finish. Eventually, the snake seemed closer and closer to silencing me forever, but I also became used to its visits. I began writing letters to everyone I loved so that, should the snake come out victorious, they’d have a final goodbye. Once I had sorted out my notes, I called the snake to my room. This time it came striped with shades of blue, its skin a soft fabric. For once, I controlled the snake, because our intentions finally aligned. I locked the door, sent out my texts, placed the written notes on my dresser, and joined the snake at my closet door. Holding onto the doorknob, the snake wrapped itself around my neck just as it had done in nights of the past. It whispered to me, “let go,” for I had been on my knees in hesitation. I followed the snake’s order by making a sort of plank with my body, the bottom half resting on a stack of dirty laundry and pillows while the top was supported by my elbows. Pressure swiftly fell down on my neck and didn’t stop. “This is it,” I thought to myself. My eyes seemed to pop out of my skull, and my tears, falling down like summer rain, became blurry dots as my vision went dark. Next thing I know, I’m waking up, snot, saliva, and tears strung between my face and the carpet floor. My head pounding and my eyes burning, I looked up at the “snake” that was the tie my mom had gotten me for Sunday service. Although my mind was more clear, it was not out of revelation, but from a muted sense of the world around me. Other than Isabella, nothing mattered anymore, and the little emotion I felt was squashed by my immortal love. The following day I get called to the counselors office on charges of suicidal thoughts and self harm. I said what I had to in order to escape her grasp, but left infuriated. Not only had my own friends betrayed me, but the lady who was supposed to guide me essentially scolded me for being sad. Throughout the day my anger faded out and my focus became making an excuse as to why my parents got a weird call from my counselor, then I’d find the traitor who sold me out. That afternoon, I lost two friends, and for the first time ever got mad at Isabella. Apparently, Miley, Maddie, and Isabella all reported me to the counselor that morning. They said I had been traumatizing them with what was going on in my life, being normal and messing around at school, then detailing my thoughts and actions to them outside of school. I felt like I had been tricked. I thought they were my friends. I thought they understood me. They asked me if I was okay, they said they wanted, cared, needed to know, but now I had scared them? I addressed what had happened with Miley first. She immediately lashed out at me, saying I should be thanking them, not be mad. While I didn’t want to accept it, I understood the core of her choices. On the other hand, Maddie’s response to my confrontation was disgustingly cruel. She said I had been unfair and just seeking attention, that no thirteen to fourteen year old should hear about what I was going through because it was unnatural. Before she continued, I apologized, that’s all I could think to do, because deep down I believed her. She told me it wasn’t all my fault because my brain was messed up, and that opening up to the girls would only make them not want to be friends with me. The one word that rang through my head then, and still does today, was “creep,” she claimed that what I felt wasn’t love, but I was just mentally unstable and creepy. Any remnants of the sweet kid from elementary school who just wanted a friend and loved everyone were obliterated. Maddie was right, all I had done was hurt and scare them, it didn’t matter what I thought. I told her all I could, that I didn’t know what to say other than I was sorry for the damage I had done, and I would try and get better. Her response, like a branding iron on my mind, was, “It’s not damage, it’s baggage. Imagine if the roles were reversed.” It was only then that I stopped texting back. I wish I could say it was out of frustration or self respect, but the reality of my manipulative traits is what silenced me. Shockingly, the response that hurt the most was from Isabella, yet it somehow meant the most to me too. Isabella told me that she needed me in the world. She told me that if I ever got those thoughts again, to think about her as well; to think about the pain I’d be causing her; to think about the trauma she’d live with for the rest of her life. After repeating the phrase, “I need you in my life,” she acknowledged how selfish it was, but still didn’t care. Isabella continued elaborating, she didn’t care because no label of selfishness outweighed the value of my life. What she said that night has been vivid in my mind since, but my only wish is that she had needed me as I needed her. Tears began to hide my freckled cheeks as I texted her about how much her words meant to me, how much she meant to me, and I apologized to her. I said sorry for the baggage I caused, the “creepy” behavior, and any other ways I had wronged her. I said sorry for loving her, and told her I’d do better. She disregarded my apologies, telling me that I could always talk to her because no matter the baggage she could carry, it’d be worth taking the smallest bit off of me. Her words meant so much to me, yet hurt me just the same. I hated myself for it. I couldn’t see a life without an affection for her, it was pathetic. If I truly loved her, I’d let my feelings go, right? What kind of person did that make me? Summer came and went. Hoping that time would kill the crush I had on Isabella, I prohibited myself from contacting her. Instead I spent time with my family and a few friends, but Isabella never left my head. Even when accompanying my dad to Berry College for the Governor’s Honors Program, she’s what filled my head. At first I felt frustrated because before I had come forward to her, she had known about the feelings I had. I came to the conclusion that she had been dragging me along, but even then I knew how easily that thought would be abandoned. First day of High school, I got in touch with her. For maybe two weeks, I maintained a platonic relationship before free falling into the ominous pit once again. This time felt different though, it felt like what I had thought about everyday, for what seemed eternity, could be more than a daydream. We texted each other throughout the school day and facetimed after her cheer practice and my band practice. Eventually, Isabella was falling asleep on call. Before, we’d talk long into the night, and it began to drain the energy out of the both of us. Now, we were listening to music, playing Roblox, watching Netflix, or just sitting in silence. I had never felt comfortable with silence, but she made it seem better than having a conversation with anyone else. It’s a beautiful thing when words aren’t required to appreciate someone. The moment I had the courage to do so, I asked her out to Steak n’ Shake. It’s just my luck that the restaurant was hardly a shell of what I remembered as a kid. At first the conversation was awkward because we hardly spoke in person, but as time progressed so did we. I still remember the tightness of my cheeks as I failed to suppress my ear-to-ear grin. The euphoric nausea and beating heart that disappeared throughout our conversation. I remember the booth we sat in, the fact that she wanted me to swap seats with her because of her creaky seat, the way she giggled, how I fought tooth and nail to pay for such a small bill, the way she smiled when she said, “next time you’ve gotta let me pay,” and the shared excitement for our next hangout. Even though Isabella and I were still friends, even though the restaurant was a disaster, even though the fries were stale and the milkshakes chunky, that moment is one of the best in my life. With how well things were going, I thought that it was my best chance at making something more out of this friendship. So, I shot my shot. I told her that despite my efforts the summer before, she still held a special place in my heart. Isabella responded with her own struggles with recovering from a past relationship, detailing the trust issues and pain she still felt almost a year later. I was yet again, devastated. Then she added that despite her own feelings, she had to be careful and the risk of losing our friendship scared her. I understood her reasoning, but it made me sick to think of how close I was. In response, I expressed how I could relate to those feelings, and the conflict I had with them. It felt ridiculous having opened myself up once again, to just be friendzoned. Her response struck me with both hope and devastation, “I f*cking love you a ton Lincoln, but I’m struggling to differentiate my admiration as a friend and as something more. I’m terrified of losing you.” Previously I would have seen this as a sign to keep trying, but at that moment, I couldn’t see past the blatant friendzoning. After pursuing her for so long, it felt cruel of her to continue dragging me along like this, even though she was being honest. My reaction to the straw that broke the camel’s back is one of, if not, the biggest regrets in life. Homecoming was a little over a week away and she was going (as friends) with my buddy, Davis, so in a storm of hatred for myself and the situation I was in, I gave up on her. Our conversations grew to be minimal and far apart. Soon, I started to resent her. Each day since then, I have somehow felt more remorse than the last for not asking her to Homecoming. Homecoming night is when I began flirting with Claire, a sweet redhead from gym class. We connected on not going with the person we had hoped for. All it took was me joking that I should’ve spent more time around her, instead of leaving the dance early, for Claire to lose her mind. Over the next month or so, I was becoming closer and closer with Claire, despite her irritable “quirks”. I only spoke to Isabella if she reached out to me first with the only exception being when I would ask her for “advice” about Claire, which was a shameful habit I started as petty revenge on Isabella. Eventually, Isabella blocked me on Snapchat, but it didn’t matter. Things with me and Claire were going great, she made me feel like I didn’t need to starve myself to be good enough for her. She made me feel like I was enough. For the next two and a half months, life was great. After the first couple months of ignorant bliss, I was sick of her. Sure, there were a variety of reasons to find her annoying, most people I knew could list more than they have fingers and toes, but she didn’t do anything wrong. I shouldn’t have gotten into the relationship in the first place not only because of Isabella, but also the speed at which me and Claire started dating. She was still growing out of the elementary relationship phase, so while it was nice to connect with someone so quickly, it was rushed. Another issue being that I was her first real boyfriend, the baggage that followed me was detrimental to her and I couldn’t give her the attention she needed. As me and Claire began our month long drift apart, I was unblocked by Isabella. She and I caught up, and we quickly began to talk trash about Claire while on call. It was unbelievably toxic, and I’m embarrassed of how I handled things to this day. Eventually, with the support of Isabella, I decided it was time to break up. The only issue was the guilt I had in such a terrible choice, I could never do it. So I began to get more distant by the day, ignored texts and calls, and stopped walking her to classes because “I had to pee.” Eventually she caught wind of my plans and called me after school one day. Sobbing, she told me what she had heard and how she knew it wasn’t true, but it still worried her. I began to get ready to break the news, but she was already crying so what's the worst that could happen? I wish I had never asked myself that, because next she told me she’d been cutting herself. My heart sank in remorse for what I knew I would do. If I led her on longer, the aftermath of my cold actions would lead to even more catastrophe. I was scared, but knew the lesser of the two evils I had to pick from. I calmed her down, quickly notified her friends to be keeping an eye on her, and then dumped her. To this day, I am disgusted by my actions. Throughout the past three months, Claire expressed how she had loved and trusted me, yet I threw that all away. There are so many ways I could’ve handled the situation differently, but two stood out the most. Showing respect by speaking to Claire the moment I realized my feelings had fleeted was the bare minimum that I disregarded, but the second was far simpler. I had known from the start that I was still in love with Isabella and that love never faded, but was only suppressed. The entire relationship we developed, while we both enjoyed parts of it (her more than me), was a lie, and essentially a cruel joke played on Claire. There’s no excuse for my actions, and even worse, I could’ve cared less back then. It was only when time had passed that I began to understand the damage I had done. Without Claire holding me back, my newfound freedom led to a closer friendship with Isabella. I dove headfirst into the familiar pit all over again. A friendship was not enough, I appreciated every interaction I had with Isabella, but my life depended on a future with her. It’s likely she felt this as she slowly began to drift away from me. Before I had stayed up speaking to Isabella, but now I couldn’t sleep out of the tormenting absence of her voice. The only path to good health was time; distance was best for the both of us, and I knew it. For the rest of that school year, everything around me was going, but I stood still. It was like my life was just a sitcom, and I was no longer the main character. The summer that followed was just the same, I was living but dead, moving but still, speaking but silent. I was dissociating from my friends and family, but the absence of that violent snake made my depression insignificant. Living a life without her was more punishment than death itself, and I didn’t deserve relief. Even now, I think of that summer and remember almost nothing, for my life isn’t worth remembering without Isabella in it. Sophomore year began, and so did my conversations with Isabella. This go around, I was subtle with my feelings for her. The excitement I had for speaking with her was under control, but it was because the spark inside me had faded, even when it came to Isabella.The years of self pity and depression had left a toll on me that could never be reversed, and it didn’t help that Isabella began to build a relationship with another guy. When we spoke, if we did, Isabella’s concern for my mental state outweighed the friendship we were struggling to preserve. I had come to the conclusion that pursuing Isabella would only make things worse, and I needed to just be her friend. Since I couldn’t lose the feelings I had for her, I just sat in them. While I sat in the pit, Isabella and I had one particular Facetime call in which I brought up how much I regretted dating Claire. To that, Isabella added, “Yeah, she’s so annoying. I can’t remember if you told me why you got together in the first place, what led you to her?” I paused with the thousand-yard stare of an American private fresh out of West Point. “I guess I was just so disappointed with myself for not being able to go to homecoming with you and being stuck on you for so long that I impulsively got with another girl to forget about my shortcomings,” I said with reluctance and stuttering every few words. She told me that she would’ve said yes to homecoming without a second thought, but I knew she meant as friends. Then, to my dismay, Isabella revealed that whenever I got with Claire, she still had feelings for me. It was me talking to Isabella about how great things were with me and Claire that led her to block me and cut contact with me. The piano melody from “No Surprises” by Radiohead began looping through my mind as tears ran down my face. I forget how I ended the call, but once I did, I broke. I lost my breath, my head got light, my eyes became blurry, my stomach was nauseous, and my insides sank as far as they could. Everything I wanted, dreamed of, needed had been so close, and I blew it. Everything was my fault. Later I would ask her why she lost them, and her answer proved how much better she was than me. Isabella answered, “I had been hurt, so I moved on. Just got over it.” We hardly spoke anymore, but one text message has found a permanent home in my mind. After asking me how I was, Isabella wasn’t satisfied with, “it’s complicated.” She asked that I explain it to her so that she could try to understand. I told her about all the issues going on in my life, except the torch I still held for her. She wrote, “I know you’re not religious, so it may not mean anything, but I pray for you every night, Lincoln. Even though it sounds bad, I think that I've known you weren’t in the greatest mental place for a while. I want you to know I'm not judging you, I want you to feel comfortable enough to share that with someone. You have to be able to recognize how you’re feeling in order to even fix it.” These words broke me despite their simplistic appearance. Reading that she prayed for me hit me hard as she had always tried to get me to believe in God again. I’m agnostic, and nothing has come closer to bringing me back to faith as Isabella did. The idea that if God were real and I could see her in heaven was appealing, but should Christianity be the wrong choice, I wanted to be wrong with Isabella. In the following days, Isabella told me about Alex, a guy she had been talking to a lot, and how they were at most a month away from being together. I hated everything about Alex, which is a stupid name in the first place. I hated his choice of friends, I hated how white-washed he was, I hated how he dressed like a conservative cowboy, I hated the underbite that made him look like a pug, I hated his short curly hair, I hated the fact that he was a diehard Trump supporter while people of his race were being oppressed, I hated how he pretended to be someone else when he was around Isabella, I hated how he hid unhealthy habits from her, I hated that a guy like him garnered Isabella’s affection when I couldn’t. I barely knew the guy and I was wasting my energy with hatred for him, when in reality, he was just a mind-numbingly basic douche among the hundreds just like him at our school. Isabella regularly complained about Alex, but hardly did anything. Instead she stopped bringing it up, saying that talking about her issues with others only makes it worse and that she was just wining. The monotone delivery of her reasoning hurt my soul, it was like she was reciting a text from Alex. Each day that passed, I felt the urgency of expressing my feelings one more time rising. Soon Isabella and Alex would be official, and I would lose my chance to try and express how I felt one more time. I reached out to Isabella and asked if she was free to hangout that friday. On November 10, 2023, Isabella picked me up around 5:30 in the evening. She kept the inside of her SUV looking brand new in contrast to the familiarity of her smile. My nerves left me winded after every sentence and shivering in her passenger seat. Quickly our conversation became more natural as I cracked jokes to ease my anxiety, but my shaky breathing never stopped. We went to Publix to grab some snacks and drinks and headed right back to my neighborhood park. At the Grove Point Park, we found a swinging chair to sit in. Due to the time of the year, the sun had already set, but Isabella’s beauty was indifferent under the moonlight. I haven’t the slightest clue how long we sat there together. When I’m with Isabella, even Father Time gives me grace, for he knows that he is as powerless as I am to the frequency of these moments. After a while, I mentioned that it was getting late and she agreed. On the ride back to my place, I mustered the bare minimum of strength it took to confront my feelings. As she drove over the speed bump before entering the roundabout, I began to open up. I briefly told her that I still felt the same way I did two years ago, that I had tried to forget about the feelings I had with no success, and that I was sorry to once again ruin our unstable friendship. She told me it was fine and my feelings were natural, nothing to regret or be ashamed of. Her words meant nothing to me this time because I had already heard them. Defeated, I paused for a moment, then said, “Isabella, you reciprocated my feelings in the past, so after Alex, do you think that maybe we’d have a chance?” She looked at me with pain in her eyes, not for herself, but for me. She quietly said, “I- Lincoln, you know I can’t answer that. I’m with Alex now, it wouldn’t be fair.” All I could get out was, “Oh- I- I’m sorry. Uh yeah no, you’re uh- you’re right.” Everything in me pulled and begged at my lips to say what I wanted to, but I couldn’t. I still look back on that night and wish I had said the few words I never got to tell her. What if saying them could’ve changed something? Realistically, it wouldn’t have, but the regret remains. I doubt Isabella would have even remembered where my word choice stemmed from. Regardless, the words rang in my head then, and never stopped. All I wanted to say at that moment was, “but I still need you.” Today, 1,725 days since I first saw Isabella, 822 days since I first facetimed Isabella, and 178 days since that heartbreakingly beautiful night, I still love her the same. Looking back on my experience with her, I regret many things (oversharing, Claire, the snake, etc.), but the one thing I have never regretted was meeting and loving her. It was only recently that I realized that loving her has been one of the biggest mistakes in my life. For three years, day in and day out, I’ve thought about her. Three years where I could have met other people, worked on myself, enjoyed my friends and family, but instead I’ve loved her and nothing, nobody else. The one lesson that was essential for me to take away from my experience was impossible. In eighth grade I was 5’7 and 215 lbs, today I’m 5’10 and 165 lbs. In eighth grade I spent time with my parents, today I hide in my room. In eighth grade, I told people how I felt, now I’m too scared. In eighth grade, I talked about my depression, now I am left alone to deal with it. In eighth grade, I had many friends, now I rarely speak to them. In eighth grade, I needed Isabella, but the one lesson I should’ve learned never took effect. I still need her.

(I apologize in advance for the long and boring post.)
I got out of an LDR a month and a half ago. I (31) was seeing a guy (he was 27 at the time) from the US. I live in Canada. We met through Snapchat mid-July of last year (he originally found me through the Snapchat subreddit), and I didn’t show much interest in him at first.
It took less than a week for us to basically become best friends. About two weeks into knowing one another, we started dating. We had three anime dates together, then asked me out on our third date. We even dressed up for our first date together (I wore a yellow dress, and a cardigan; he wore a really nice blue button up dress shirt, and black pants).
We were on again and off again for months, with him taking a one week break away from me once in a while, when things between us got too tense, or too overwhelming.
Every time he unblocked me on social media, things would start out slow moving, and kind of awkward, as if we were getting to know each other all over again. And each time it happened, I felt like I was falling more and more in love with him.
We had nights where we’d spend literally all night talking on the phone, with us seeing the sunrise together… our phone calls easily lasted for 6+ hours. We’ve had deep talks about issues with our families (our dads in particular), past jobs, exes, and just about everything under the sun. I’d never bonded with anyone so quickly in my life.
He knows I’m a mom, and it never scared him away. He grew to love my five year old, saying that he wished that he was her father at times. I never liked the idea of stepparents, but before we stopped communicating, I had asked him to be her stepdad. He didn’t refuse.
We were messy together, but we also had so many wonderful and incredible times together. I’ve told him many times about my anxiety, and depression, and low self esteem issues (which he also has these problems), and I told him for months on end that I wasn’t good enough for him, and I couldn’t be perfect like he wanted me to be. He never had any expectations of me, but I felt like I needed to be perfect, because I wanted him to be happy. He was happy with me… I just refused to see it, due to my constant insecurities about us, and my paranoia.
Towards the end of March (a month and a half ago), we got into a “disagreement”, as he called them, over something he had said the night before. His biggest thing with me was communication, and I always failed at expressing my feelings to him if I was upset. I can’t quite remember what was said, but it wasn’t even anything offensive, but I got really torn up about it. He was tired, and wanted to go to bed, but he insisted on staying up with me, so we could talk things out. I insisted that I was okay, and we left it at that.
The next day, things quickly went downhill, and we spent a few hours bickering. He said he wasn’t mad at me, but I felt like he was, so I told him repeatedly that I knew he was upset with me. He didn’t appreciate me telling him how he was feeling, but I kept going… I don’t know if my anxiety was to blame for that, but I couldn’t stop. After a little bit, he decided he couldn’t do it anymore, because I kept reiterating that I wasn’t good enough for him; I kept telling him to dump me, and block me, and that’s I’d never be what he expected me to be.
So, that’s what he did, and I haven’t heard from him since.
We broke up the day before his 28th birthday.
It took a full week for reality to set in for me. Typically, after a week of no contact, he would come back, and we start over on a somewhat clean slate… but not this time.
Before we broke up, I was working on quitting g smoking, and I’d been vaping. Since the breakup, I’ve doubled the amount of cigarettes I smoke in a day (used to be half a pack a day), and I haven’t touched my vape at all. All I want to do is play video games, so I don’t have to think about him; I play for 10-13 hours daily. I struggle even worse now with sleeping at night, because thoughts of him rattle my brain. I have a cyst on my right ovary, maybe the size of a golf ball, and I was supposed to get it checked out a while ago, but I’m refusing to. I don’t even want to look after my daughter, and I’m aware that I’m neglecting her. I’ve stopped cooking, cleaning, and looking after myself. I’ll wear the same clothes night and day, every day, because I don’t care enough to put in any effort with how I appear. I haven’t eaten a proper meal in weeks… just surviving off of pop, junk food, coffee, and cigarettes.
I hate myself for doing this to us. We had plans to meet, eventually get married, and have a family together… and I fucking pissed it all away, all because of my stupid fucking insecurities, and everything else that’s wrong with me. How am I supposed to live with knowing I literally destroyed the one good thing I had in my life??
My heart hurts every damn day for him. I’m still madly in love with him. He has me blocked on every single social media app that we had talked to one another on. I’d kill just to hear from him one more time. I don’t know how to forgive myself, or stop thinking about him. It’s all my fault for driving him away, and I wish I would’ve realized much sooner how truly in love with me he was, and just how good enough I was for him.
This is the roughest breakup I think I’ve ever experienced. I’m done with love. I’m too old to find someone new, and quite frankly, I really don’t want to. He was supposed to be my last, but not like this…
I’m sorry for bitching and moaning to a bunch of strangers on Reddit. I just needed a place to vent, considering I’ve had this all lent up for quite sometime. Not really looking for advice; I just wanted to get everything out in one go. I appreciate anyone who took the time to read this nonsense.