Hello, I am writing this in hopes that someone has had a similar experience.
I’ve been getting Brazilian waxes on and off for about 6 years now. Recently I’ve been in a more consistent routine where I get them every 4-5 weeks. This past time I had to stop because the ingrown hairs / irritation were just too bad.
It seems like the more consistent I am with waxing the worse my skin gets over time. This past time the initial irritation of the hairs being pulled didn’t go away for 3 weeks after the wax. I had a lot of red bumps on my bikini line and I would wake up every single day with new ingrowns / large bumps
I have great aftercare (exfoliating, moisturizing) but for some reason I’m just having a bad experience with waxing lately. I don’t know if it’s a reaction to the wax or what. Even when I was shaving and had irritation it was nothing like this. I have ingrowns and irritation in places I’ve never had them before.
Has anyone experienced this before? I thought waxing was supposed to be much better and less irritating than shaving.

I think all of us can agree that, even if it's not a personal problem for you specifically, body and facial hair are two of the largest causes of dysphoria in trans women as a whole. And while there are plenty of resources on hair removal out there, when it comes to epilation a lot of the articles I see are geared towards white cis women with low-to-minimal body hair, and not trans women who on average are going to have much, -much- thicker hair and in many more places.
I've been epilating for about five years now, slowly getting used to using it in more and more places and more often, and this month I finally graduated to using the epilator on over 90% of my body. So I figured I'd share my experiences, some tips and tricks, and some really important and brutally honest information about epilation in case any other transfem people like me are out there and either afraid of or struggling to start epilation as a hair removal option.
THE VERY BEGINNING - WHERE THE HELL DO YOU EVEN START
First of all, which epilator do you even buy? There's SO many of them, ranging in all sorts of prices.
An epilator is like a good pair of boots. Buy a cheap one and it'll hurt you and need to be replaced within a year. Be willing to drop $100+ on one and it'll do its job admirably with many, many years in the tank.
The one I've been using for YEARS as my trusty hair-removal companion is the Braun Silk-epil 9. There's many different models of it available, but I would do your own research on which specific one you want. You can find the basic model with no frills and attachments for about $100 on Amazon. It has paid for itself many, many times over.
OKAY I HAVE MY EPILATOR, WHAT NOW?
You turn it on and immediately pee yourself a little as it whirs up to an intimidating speed as you contemplate the fact that you're about to put that on your skin, and it's going to yank out your hairs one by one at rapid speeds. It's okay. We've all been there. Epilating is -really- scary the first time you do it, especially if you've ever experimentally plucked a hair with a pair of tweezers and winced at just how much ONE hair hurts to pull out.
An epilator is basically a mechanized super-tweezing device. It's effectively the same as plucking in terms of what it's doing to your hair and skin, except faster and more at once.
Let's go over some things that beauty articles will touch on and quickly brush over, because most of them are sponsored and probably have non-disparagement clauses. These are also where you find some of the bigger differences between epilating for white cis women and most trans women, and even some cis women with thicker hair like BIWOC.
Epilation. HURTS. It hurts really bad. Really, really, really bad. Your eyes are going to water, your skin is going to burn a little bit, you're going to have red, bumpy, irritated skin that is going to be worse than any razor burn you've ever gotten in your life. This is true for cis women, but it is MORE TRUE for trans women. On average, our hair is thicker, both in volume and the individual hairs, gnarlier, and much more attached to our follicles. Most articles I read about epilation before trying it did not even come close to accurately describing this part of epilation for my hair type as a trans woman, and having proper expectations will make it easier to deal with.
"But Miss Eternal Spike", you might ask, "why on earth would I put myself through that? Why would YOU do that to yourself for five years?"
Because the first time is the worst time. The very first time you epilate any individual patch of skin is always going to be like that, it's always going to hurt, but only that first time (as long as you keep up with doing it). But as you continue epilating and as your skin gets more and more used to the teeth of the device and the hair gets less and less embedded in the follicles as they get repeatedly ripped out, it gets easier and easier.
Epilating my legs from hip to ankle barely irritates me at all now, and my skin is silky smooth for sometimes WEEKS afterwards. If you can put up with the pain of the first dozen or so epilations, it is so, so so so worth it. It's just as semi-permanent as waxing while being much less expensive, much less messy, and much easier to reach the problem areas that at-home waxing has trouble handling.
The next thing to go over is that epilating is a process. Because most people with an average pain tolerance will only be able to do small patches at a time before needing a break, your first dozen or so epilations will take exponentially more time than shaving. You should always plan around using an entire day to epilate at first until you get more experienced and the process becomes easier. This factor of epilation is, again, exponentially increased for trans women with thicker hair. Not only does it hurt more, so less gets done in the same amount of time, but thicker hair might require more passes over the same area. From anecdotal experiences I've collected over the years, I've noticed that body hair growth affected by testosterone also tends to be less consistent in the direction of growth, and epilation is most efficient when going against the grain. At least for myself, my hair mostly grows in the same direction 80~% of the time, but I regularly have to go over the same section in multiple different directions to catch all the hairs.
You also WILL get ingrown hairs out the ass the first time you do it. I don't care how much you exfoliate beforehand or how good your skincare routine is, when your hairs haven't been yanked before and are used to being shaved they are very resilient and brittle. This means that for every ~100 hairs the epilator yanks out perfectly, it's going to break several of them. Broken hairs are even worse than shaved hairs for risk of ingrown hair, because shaved hairs are at least usually a clean cut. Hair broken from an epilator will be jagged and bent, and is much more likely to cause an ingrown hair. This, AGAIN, is compounded for people affected by T. This factor might be somewhat mitigated if you've been on blockers for a while, but for those of us who have high T levels regardless of blockers or just are still in the beginning stages of HRT, plenty of us still deal with the issue of T making our skin oilier and our pores more likely to get clogged as a result, even with good skincare and exfoliation. This makes ingrown hairs even nastier and more of a pain in the ass.
Thankfully this, too, will get better with time as your hair gets less gnarly and embedded in the follicle with each epilation treatment. It's also much easier to properly take care of your skin when thick layers of hair aren't constantly getting in the way, so a nice side effect of epilation and having to shave less often makes it much much easier to exfoliate and moisturize your skin properly!!
OKAY, I'VE READ THAT AND I'VE DECIDED I STILL WANT TO DO IT, BUT I'M STILL TOO NERVOUS TO PUT IT ON ME. CAN I MAKE IT HURT LESS?
No. Lots of articles will tell you to just take an ibuprofen or drink a glass of wine, and that might take the edge off, but for your first time? Nope. It's gonna hurt. Accept that now. Take a deep breath, accept that it IS going to hurt, and just do it.
OKAY. WHAT DO I DO.
Keeping in mind that this is my personal experience and YMMV, here are the places I am currently comfortably able to epilate:

• My legs, both calf and thigh.
• My face.
• My buttocks.
• The flat parts of my bikini area.
• My hips.
• My underarms.

I'll go over what I do for the rest of my hair removal to cover the places the epilator can't do, either because it's just that painful or for logistical reasons like the head of the device not being shaped in a convenient way to efficiently epilate.
But, before you even think of putting the epilator on your skin, you do need to do SOME preparation. Before you epilate, make sure the following checklist is completed:

• You've eaten in the last 2 hours. Epilating causes dozens and dozens of tiny pain signals to go to your brain in rapid succession, prompting the release of endorphins, adrenaline, and even cortisol from the stress. Your energy levels and blood sugar will drop fast so make sure you've eaten.
• Have a bag of something high in sugar at the ready and a bottle of Gatorade. See above, your blood sugar is going to go into the toilet when you do this. Pick your favorite candy or equivalent blood-sugar-restoring food and get a big bottle or two of an electrolyte-replenishing drink and have them on standby. I didn't do this my first time and nearly passed out from low blood sugar. HAVE SOME M&MS OR SOMETHING READY.
• Contrary to the advice a lot of articles will give, I do NOT recommend epilating in the shower as a trans woman with relatively thick body hair. While yes, a hot shower will relax the follicles and make the plucking easier, if you have thick hair like I do the wet hair will gum up the epilator and make the process take far longer than it needs to. Lay out several towels on your bed to catch the hair that's going to be flung everywhere and do it in bed. It's also a bad idea to do this in the shower your first time because, again, you're going to be flooded with endorphins and be at risk of sudden blood sugar drops. A hot, steamy environment isn't exactly the safest thing to pair with that risk. As you get more used to epilating and you get a better feel for how your body responds to it, and as your hair naturally thins out, you can switch to doing it in the shower if you like, but I still do it dry for the far easier cleanup.
• If possible, shave your body first and wait for the hair to reach between 1/4 and 1/3 of an inch for ideal epilation length. However, I've gone several months between epilations out of laziness and my hair has easily reached an inch and a half, and I was able to epilate it just fine. Since this isn't waxing and there's no risk of wasting material with low efficacy, the only thing you're sacrificing by epilating long hair is time.
• Buy a massive fuck-off tub of coconut oil for post-epilation moisturizing/soothing. You can get a 56 Fl oz tub of it on Amazon for $23. Do not buy coconut oil that is advertised for skin or hair care as it's liable to contain essential oils or other compounds that might irritate freshly-epilated skin. Buy coconut oil that is for baking/cooking. It's cheaper, makes your skin unfathomably soft, and will actually soothe the irritation rather than adding to it.
• Finally, get some entertainment. You're going to be here for a while and having a comforting distraction can help with the pain. Put on your favorite movie marathon, your favorite anime or TV show to binge watch, and take a deep breath. It's time to yank some hairs.

THE ACTUAL DEED
Start with your legs. It's the largest portion of flat skin that the epilator can easily rest flush against, and in my case my calves are much less sensitive than the rest of my body. Even for my first time epilating, doing my calves hurt significantly less than anywhere else on my body. You're going to want to start right where the top of your foot starts to curve into your ankle, by straightening out your toes to provide a flat plane for the epilator to move along.
With your non-epilating hand, place your palm flat on your calf above the area you're about to epilate and get a firm grip, pulling up towards your knee as much as you can while not sliding your hand along your skin. This will stretch the skin, an absolute necessity for efficient epilation. For the rest of your epilation sessions from now till infinity, repeat this technique as close as possible on any section of skin you decide to epilate. Sometimes this is not possible due to either not being flexible enough or the skin of an area being impractical to stretch, but that's alright. As long as the skin is flat and there are no loose bits of flesh for the epilator to snag, it will work and be perfectly safe. It just might take more passes over the same area if you can't stretch the skin.
Now, take a deep breath, and without turning it on place the epilator's head flush against your skin, right at that point where the top of your foot connects with your ankle; lining up with the very "top" of your calf where the bone is closest to the skin. Pull the epilator slowly up towards your knee to familiarize yourself with the path the epilator is going to take, moving your non-epilating hand up in tandem to keep the skin stretched. Do this two or three times to get used to keeping the skin stretched as you move the epilator.
Then put the epilator back, and turn it on.
Then turn it immediately off because you probably just either yelped, winced, hissed, flinched, or some combination of the above things and you need a moment. That's okay. Take a deep breath, and remind yourself that it's only going to hurt this bad once. As long as you can get through this first epilation, every subsequent time will get easier and easier.
Repeat this process as many times as you need to in order to properly brace yourself for experiencing that pain for more than a few seconds. When you're ready, hold the epilator firmly in your hand and keep it flush against the skin, but do not press it into the skin. This isn't a razor, you don't need any pressure at all. You just need to hold the epilator flush.
Take a deep inhale, and slowly exhale as you slowly pull the epilator towards your knee. This hurts. This is going to hurt. It's okay. Just breathe through it as long as you can before stopping. Any progress is good progress and is one step closer to smooth legs.
Continue to repeat these motions across your calves and thighs. Ignore the pit of your knee for now, you can epilate that part when you're more comfortable with it.
If you can't do your entire legs in one day, that's okay! I couldn't either. If you need to stop, stop. You can always take it in stages and take a whole week to get your legs done if you need to. The important part is to introduce all of your skin to epilation, the sooner you do that the sooner you can do the second one, and the third one, and the sooner it gets easier and the longer the time between epilations gets.
After you decide to stop, apply the coconut oil. If it's solidified, just let it melt on your hands by rubbing them together before applying it. Gently massage it into the skin.
Over the next many months, repeat epilating your legs and following the same general routine. Customize it once you start getting comfortable! Try new things, figure out what works best for your hair and your skin. But once you do that first epilation, you've crossed the biggest and most difficult hurdle epilation will have to offer you and everything subsequent will come much, much easier.
BEYOND THE EASY PARTS: ADVANCED EPILATION
Once you become a pro at epilating your legs, the world is your oyster. Do your underarms, your face, your arms, your stomach, your chest, you can even do your ass and bikini area. Each area will come with its own unique challenges and barriers, but it's all doable as long as you follow the basic epilation principles of stretching the skin, proper aftercare, and a bit of common sense. Just remember that the first time you epilate an area is always going to be the worst, and to not take the experience of the first time epilating an area as "the expectation" for an area. Make your own judgments, but I usually will try three to four sessions over a couple months in the same area before I decide if I want to keep using the epilator on that space or if I want to use an alternative method like wax, shaving, or plucking.
I have even successfully epilated most of my taint and scrotum, and even the hair at the base of my junk. The only part of that I actually regret is using the epilator on the area where the seam of skin runs from your asshole up to your scrote, because unfortunately there just isn't a good way to epilate that spot. The epilator usually isn't nearly strong enough in any form to break the skin, but because of the unique nature of the way that seam of skin is raised up from the rest of your skin, the epilator just kinda beats the crap out of it and caused a little bit of bleeding. Nothing awful, but it was quite painful and honestly I just wax that section now and epilate the flat skin around it.
Combining the epilator with other, more precise forms of hair removal is how I really started to remove the vast majority of the hair on my body. The epilator is by far the best solution for any large, flat area of skin, and even some of the less flat parts like arm and knee pits, the section of your lower body where your thighs meet your groin, and it was mostly able to handle the curvature of my face just fine. But for the really small creasy parts of skin, like between your buttocks for example, I've found that careful application of at-home wax kits (I use the KoluaWax wax warmer and beads) and tweezers usually compensates for the areas the epilator can't get.
CONCLUSION
Epilating is the perfect happy medium between cost-effective and semi-permanence of hair removal. It lasts far longer than shaving, costs significantly less than professional waxing and much less than regularly buying enough beads to wax your entire body at home while having the same long-lasting and hair-thinning effects, and while it's not permanent like laser or electro, $100 is far more affordable for most trans women than how expensive laser and electro can be. I personally plan to get laser over my whole body someday, but epilating has been an absolute lifesaver in the meantime, saving me immense suffering at the hands of dysphoria from my body hair.
The biggest barrier to epilating is the pain, and it's an understandable one. Not everyone is built to handle it. I recommend epilation to almost everyone I meet when the topic of hair removal comes up, but I don't judge in the slightest when someone says it'd be too painful for them. That's a reality for a lot of people.
But for some of us, any amount of pain is worth the alleviation of the dysphoria. I hope that this frank and no-bullshit description and introduction to epilation is helpful for those who have always wanted to try it but weren't able to find good answers to their questions about it for the same reasons I had difficulty, whether it gives you the information needed to give it a try or if it confirms that it's definitely not for you. And for those of us who struggle with body hair dysphoria and also have issues with shaving for whatever reason, maybe this can give you an alternative that will help you get through your days with less dysphoria.
If anyone else has any epilating tips or would like to share their own experiences with it, please feel free to do so in the comments!! This is only one woman's experience with one type of hair, and I can't speak for women whose hair might be much more curly or textured than mine, or who have different skin sensitivities.

I have been an esthetician for 2 yrs and started working at my current job over 6 months ago. I’ve never experienced such an unhappy guest and it bothered me and I let it get to me.
She had come in for a Brazilian, we are given 15 minutes to do a Brazilian and have a 9 minute late policy, she got there 2 minutes before we would have had to cancel her appointment. I had my next person already there waiting for their appointment that was right after her. So her appointment was supposed to start at 3:45pm and she got there at 3:53pm by the time she got to the room and on my table it was 3:55pm. So I was essentially given 5 minutes to do her Brazilian. Once I laid down the first bikini line strips (we use hard wax) she was fine, but the ones on the mound she started asking me to do smaller strips, I had nicely explained that the strips I was laying down were normal sized strips and it is how I was trained to do it in school and at my job. She complained that I did two pulls on her labia strips but I do a small flip so I can grab my tab and then quickly remove the wax strip allowing the client to take a deep breath so it’s more comfortable. I explained this to her as well. After I had continuously explained why I am doing my job I knew I probably should have ended the service but I continued. Mind you she was petite and had been getting waxed for years so she barely had any hair to start. So my first mound strip took off almost all the hairs so I did one on the other side to remove the opposite sides hair but I usually do one long strip across the top, if there is no hair on the other side because it won’t be painful there’s no hair there to start. Anyway I had finished her Brazilian in 5 minutes and at the end of the service she looked down and noticed a few hairs left, I let her know since I only had 5 minutes to finish her Brazilian she could always come back when we have time so I would be able to grab the very few hairs that got left. She then continued to ask me for my tweezers and I explained that I do not let my clients use my equipment because it is unsanitary. I then walked her up to the front handed her my card and and mentioned that she had a few hairs left and since I didn’t have enough time she can go ahead and book for a clean up that is free. I’m glad it was my manager at the front desk.
While I was still out there along with my next client she then decided to say I do not want to rebook with her she is not trained properly and she doesn’t know how to do her job, I have a great manager because she had brought up how she signed our late policy agreement and how I was given only 5 minutes to do her Brazilian. After my manager had explained that she then demanded my manager take a look at her skin because she said it was raw. My manager didn’t even ask if she would like her to take a look she just demanded her to look, my manager has been an esthetician for over 15 years. She took a look at her skin and told her that her skin wasn’t raw it was red and that’s normal after a wax. While I had taken my next client back she was still going on about it during that entire appointment and my next clients friend was texting her while she in the room saying the lady was still complaining. I felt so bad and that I was nervous now that she had heard what my last client was saying about me that she wouldn’t want to get her Brazilian done also. Luckily after that appointment she rebooked and her friend told me no matter whether you made smaller strips or not she was going to be pissed off and complain. Later my manager and I had talked about it and I explained exactly what I did and she has also seen how I wax so she knows exactly how I laid down my strips. I had become really upset and started crying because all I want is for my clients to be happy and as comfortable as possible. My manager had told me she’s not worth my tears no matter how I waxed her she had already came in with an attitude. I was really nice to this lady even if I was upset with how it was going I still told her to have a good day and everything. I was happy to see later on that day that one of my favorite clients had come in to see me to buy some product and she made the rest of my day. The lady with how she acted in front of other clients she is now no longer able to book at any of the locations…
What do you guys think of this??

I have prescription strength lidocaine, I’d love to use it. The instructions say to wait FOURTY FIVE MINUTES after showering… what? Is using lidocaine cream and then removing it going to be possible?
I’m working on ilp for my bikini line but I want to do a wax before starting back in earnest, I am getting too many ingrowns and plan on waiting 2ish weeks before starting back up.

Give me the lowdown. I wanna know the nitty gritty. People who use or have used nair or any hair removal cream as their hair removal method what are your thoughts, opinions, tips, tricks, etc?
I'm looking for recent experiences. Apparently the products are different/better these days.
People who it didn't work for, what happened?
People who use it as their go-to hair removal method over shaving/waxing/laser, which product do you use, how do you use it, and why do you like it?
Be real with me, does it burn? Do we use it ...everywhere? What's the technique for that? What do you apply before and after for best results? I saw someone on Reddit said glycolic acid after... I can do that...
Is it bad for you?
Does the shower soap rinse off one work or do we have to do the cream wipe off kind? What do you wipe it off with, just a washcloth?
I haven't touched hair removal cream since the early 2000s when it smelled like chemical warfare and burned my skin off but I keep seeing tik toks (AND Reddit comments) raving about it so I need to know the situation. I'm fucking sick of shaving. I'm someone that has gone both ways on body hair in the past (let it grow or shaved it completely off) and I just got out of a "let it grow" phase and I want to be in a "smooth hairless cat" phase again. Pls help a girl out.
I have sensitive, fair skin. Very fine hair (I'm lucky, I know, but I still want it off) Sensitive bikini area, can't wax, shave, or even shave dry with an electric razor in the area without getting bumps, ingrown hairs, and itchy. I feel like we may not explore hair removal cream down there just based on how finicky she is.

laser hair removal cost in Bangalore - Laser hair removal has become a popular choice for individuals seeking a long-term solution to unwanted hair growth. In Bangalore, a city known for its cosmopolitan culture and thriving healthcare industry, access to advanced cosmetic procedures like laser hair removal is readily available. This comprehensive guide aims to delve into the cost of laser hair removal in Bangalore, factors influencing pricing, average costs, and considerations for those considering this procedure in the Garden City.
Understanding Laser Hair Removal: Laser hair removal is a cosmetic procedure that uses concentrated beams of light to target and destroy hair follicles, inhibiting future hair growth. It offers a more permanent solution compared to traditional methods such as shaving, waxing, or threading. The procedure is commonly used to remove unwanted hair from areas such as the face, arms, legs, underarms, bikini line, and back. Multiple sessions are typically required to achieve optimal results, as hair grows in different stages and laser treatment is most effective during the active growth phase.
Factors Influencing Laser Hair Removal Cost in Bangalore:

1. Treatment Area: The cost of laser hair removal varies depending on the size of the treatment area. Larger areas such as the legs or back may require more time and resources, resulting in higher treatment costs compared to smaller areas like the upper lip or underarms.
2. Number of Sessions: Since multiple sessions are usually required to achieve desired results, the total cost of laser hair removal depends on the number of sessions recommended by the provider. Factors such as hair color, thickness, and skin type can affect the number of sessions needed.
3. Type of Laser Technology: Different types of laser technologies are available for hair removal, each with its own benefits and considerations. Advanced laser systems may offer faster treatment times, fewer side effects, and better results but may also come with a higher price tag.
4. Clinic Reputation and Location: Established clinics with experienced practitioners may charge higher fees for laser hair removal services. Additionally, the geographic location of the clinic within Bangalore can influence pricing, with clinics in prime areas or commercial hubs often charging more.
5. Practitioner Expertise: The skill and experience of the practitioner performing the laser hair removal procedure can impact the cost. Experienced practitioners may command higher fees due to their expertise and track record of successful outcomes.
6. Customization and Additional Services: Some clinics offer customized treatment plans tailored to individual needs, which may include additional services such as numbing creams, cooling devices, or post-treatment care. These add-ons can contribute to the overall cost of laser hair removal.

Average Laser Hair Removal Cost in Bangalore: While the cost of laser hair removal can vary widely depending on the factors mentioned above, a rough estimate can provide potential patients with a baseline understanding. On average, laser hair removal in Bangalore can range from ₹2,000 to ₹8,000 per session for small to medium-sized areas. Larger areas or full-body treatments may cost upwards of ₹10,000 to ₹20,000 per session. However, it's essential to note that these are just approximations, and actual costs may differ based on individual factors and clinic pricing structures.
Considerations Before Undergoing Laser Hair Removal:

1. Consultation and Skin Assessment: Before undergoing laser hair removal, it's essential to schedule a consultation with a qualified practitioner to assess your skin type, hair color, medical history, and suitability for the procedure. This initial assessment helps determine the most appropriate treatment plan and expected outcomes.
2. Treatment Expectations: While laser hair removal offers long-term reduction in hair growth, it's essential to have realistic expectations about the results. Some individuals may experience significant hair reduction after a few sessions, while others may require maintenance treatments to sustain results.
3. Potential Side Effects: Like any cosmetic procedure, laser hair removal carries potential risks and side effects, including redness, swelling, itching, and changes in skin pigmentation. Patients should be aware of these risks and discuss them with their practitioner before proceeding.
4. Pre-Treatment Preparation: Patients may be advised to avoid sun exposure, waxing, plucking, or using depilatory creams before laser hair removal to ensure optimal results and minimize the risk of complications. Follow your practitioner's pre-treatment instructions carefully.
5. Post-Treatment Care: After laser hair removal, patients should follow post-treatment care instructions provided by their practitioner, which may include avoiding sun exposure, applying soothing creams, and avoiding certain skincare products or activities that may irritate the skin.

Conclusion: Laser hair removal offers a convenient and effective solution for individuals looking to reduce unwanted hair growth and achieve smoother, hair-free skin. In Bangalore, the cost of laser hair removal varies depending on factors such as treatment area, number of sessions, type of laser technology, clinic reputation, practitioner expertise, and additional services offered. By understanding these factors and considering important considerations before undergoing treatment, individuals can make informed decisions and access quality laser hair removal services in Bangalore. With the city's thriving healthcare industry and access to advanced cosmetic technologies, patients can achieve their aesthetic goals and enjoy the benefits of long-term hair reduction with laser hair removal.

I know this is long but please bear with me.
(I’m writing this while my mom and stepdad is asleep)
I need to be extremely cautious right now because I don’t want my mom to know who I’m talking to on my phone because she’ll ask and if I tell her, I’ll get in so much trouble (Again). Especially if it’s online.
For context, I’m 28(F), and I’ll be 29 in December, and I can’t drive because of my eyesight.
Please do not suggest family therapy!! I don’t wanna do family therapy because I know my family is gonna deny everything they’ve done and are still doing to me.
So…
I’m losing hope in my life.
A few days ago I haven't been feeling well since I got up. My right ear was hurting and made me have headaches, made my teeth and jaw hurt, even my neck, and I even had pain in my right eye earlier that day.
But that wasn’t the big issue. I also have been feeling nauseous. And I was crying because I threw up my Burger King that night. I had to leave my grandfather’s house immediately because I was getting cold sweats and I just didn't feel well..
I told my mom and dad about it because I was home alone again. But my mom and dad just told me to take some Pepto and lie down.
My mom once again blamed me getting sick because I’m not eating enough and me eating junk. She also said I wasn’t like this when I talked to her earlier that day.
My mom also got upset the other day when I told her I used the BC pain powder medication you get at a local store. She literally asked me what am I using it for, and who recommended it to me.
Last month, my mom and dad got angry at me because I told them about my mental health, or tried to again. And I even told them my family doctor wants me to do more talk therapy and see a psychiatrist, but my mom told me I don’t need more therapy and stuff, and my dad told me to look for ones myself.
Also my insurance only covers 2 mental health places in my state. One doesn’t do psychiatric care and the other one only specializes in pediatrics. And I can’t go out of state.
They even cover one dentist as well!!
My gender dysphoria with my breasts and my periods are bad again. Also my body dysmorphia with my chin and jaw, and also my lab*a is extremely bad again as well.
My mom even told me today to just shave my bikini area and don’t let it grow long. But I tried telling her that shaving down there is too hard and not all of the hair won’t come off no matter how hard I shave.
I tried mentioning to her about me getting a bikini waxing but I didn’t because she was shopping for clothes and she didn’t want to be bothered.
I even showed my mom 3 dresses that I liked, but she told me “You won’t even wear that!!” She said that a couple of times in the past too.
Anyway, I’m underweight again but I’m happy about that. (I have EDs for certain reasons)
My family won’t let me move out, they get really angry when I try to talk to them about my life goals like transitioning to male, plastic surgery, doing those regular and sxy cosplays, make TikToks, and even maybe becoming a Cm Mod*l.
But everyone says it’s unrealistic. Even my twin sister told me that it’s unrealistic last month. But how is it unrealistic if other real life people are doing it?
My family always tells me to just eat more. But that’s not how eating disorders work. None of my family understands that.
My mom and stepdad even said that I chose to have EDs, Body Dysmorphia, Gender Dysphoria, etc., that I caused all these problems in my head, the internet is influencing me, the usual.
I also had another nightmare about my family last month. In that dream, I got angry, threw a tantrum because my mom and dad told me that my dreams, goals in life are unrealistic, and I started attacking them. Like beating them up.
But that’s not the weird part, I literally felt myself crying. That has happened before with these nightmares.
I had over 60 since September of 2021. Some about my “friends” and school, but mostly about my parents and family treating me bad.
Some of them I woke up shaking or even crying after I got out of bed.
I just need to know why are these happening…
Same with me dissociating and having emotional flashbacks.
With the flashbacks, when I see something or whatever, all of the feelings and thoughts come back to when my parents, family, and friends were mean to me, treated me badly, etc.
And with the dissociation, it doesn’t happen all the time, but when I do, it feels like looking through a glass wall and/or a fish bowl. I still see and hear everything around me, but I just stare and my mind is just blank. For example, when I’m watching a video, I dissociate and I missed what was happening in said video.
I also go in a childlike state sometimes. For example, when my bio dad made me upset one time, I went up to my room and hugged my stuffed animal(s) for protection and comfort.
I also get scared to go to certain places like my mom and stepdad’s house, the area around the school I got bullied in, getting triggered by certain things, all that stuff.
But everyone says I shouldn’t get re evaluated but I’m so confused!!!
I need to make sure I’m not crazy and not faking everything!!
My mom told me today at dinner that she thinks I still have PDDNOS, AKA, SOME autistic characteristics and not Asperger’s.
I then told her I’m now obsessing over it. And once again, her and my stepdad as well told me a diagnosis doesn’t define you, and basically I think they were telling me I don’t need to be re evaluated again.
My mom also told me that doctors can’t know what you have because they’re not you or something like that…
But I’m now even more confused!! And I’m angry again…
I also don’t see my psychologist until June 5th so I have no idea how I’m gonna manage until then.
And on Monday when my bio dad was taking me to my ultrasound appointment, he told me to go on TikTok and look up how to eat healthy…
And when I told my mom that I need a follow up appointment with my family doctor when she picked me up on Wednesday, she told me I don’t need one right now and to not schedule one this week or something. I can’t remember…
But she just told me to just drink water, walk around and move more, and to eat fruits and veggies to get rid of constipation from my IBS instead of taking the Senna Syrup that my family doctor prescribed me…
My dad even asked me last month what kind of TikToks I am gonna make….
And I know I need to get my mental health better before I do any of those things. But I literally can’t because of my parents and family treating me like this…They won’t even let me move out! They say I’m not capable of maintaining a household and stuff.
My parents and my family has done more things in the past but unfortunately I can’t remember them…
I wish I can just rebel against them and just do whatever the hell I want. But obviously, I’m terrified of getting in trouble.
How can I make them, even my doctors realize that I can’t get my mental health stable before I make any physical changes to my body because my parents and my family is making everything 100% worse?
And how can I convince my doctors and my parents that I honestly believe something more is going on with my mental health and I need to be re evaluated again just to make sure everything is still correct and I’m not crazy??
I deeply apologize for the really long post. But any advice anyone?
Am I really making everything up and overreacting?

My partner recently moved in with me and for the last couple weeks things have been cluttered and all over the place. I've been working my hardest to organize and clear these things away and make room for their belongings.
I have two children and it's important to me to keep the environment safe and clean. In addition, my partner and I have been talking about having children of our own.
This last week I cleaned the house top to bottom. Then I got my hair, nails and bikini wax done while he played Call of Duty. I was prepping for ovulation. And I spoke to him about this ahead of time. We were both on board for a special night.
The other day - ovulation day- he came home from work and we had and early dinner. It was about 6:30 p.m. when he asked me if I wanted to nap with him - He made it very clear that it was just a nap and nothing more since we had plans later. I told him "I don't want to right now because there's a lot of stuff to do and it has to be done in an hour or so." (The customer service center closes at 830pm and the place to pick up wine closes at 8pm and I had an appointment at 7pm).
He said that he was going to nap anyway. I said I'd lay down with him just to keep things tension-free. I could feel it he was upset. Before we could get cozy, I mentioned once again that there are a few things that I needed to be done - I needed to get some things into the car so that I could take them to charity and make returns on my way back from a 15 minute physical therapy appointment ( I can not carry these items because I have a injury) I mentioned that he could nap while I did that.
He freaked out and basically said that I need to give him time when he needs it and that I'm controlling. He stormed out of the house didn't tell me where he was going. Didn't answer his phone when I called. And then came back 20 minutes later and said that he filled up his tank and drove around on the block. I cancelled my physical therapy appointment to get things done as best as I could while he was away.
At this point my trust was a little crushed and I didn't know what to think. My main objective was to get things done so that way we could pick up a bottle of wine from the liquor store and have the kids in bed by 8:30/9pm in order to have our night together....
Anyway, after he got back from his little car ride, he asked me if I wanted to do the returns. At this point it was past 8:00. But I needed to make the returns before the return period expired, so we went. He tried to look for a store to get wine that was open last 8pm but we had no luck. The kids didn't get to bed until close to 10pm. And all night until about 2:00 a.m., we continued to argue. The more I asked him to put things behind us the more he called me manipulative and controlling. The kids even heard him packing a bag and saying that he was leaving and it was over.
At one point after he said I was manipulative, and I asked him to clarify, he brought up something from the past; In the early stages of our relationship he went to a wedding. He asked me before going whether I would be upset if he hooked up with someone else and I said yes I would. So we came to the conclusion before he left that we were exclusive. He and another woman took a road trip to another state and shared a hotel room during this time. Then when he got back from the wedding, he asked me to "officially" be his girlfriend. I thought it was really strange since we already established that we were exclusive before he left. He told me nothing happened between him and her but between a mutual friend of hers, I saw text messages saying that she had hooked up with him. When I questioned him about it, he told me I was too much, manipulative and crazy. He said it was completely not true and he got mad at me and packed bags and said he was going to leave and not move in, but later reneged on that.
The night that I asked him not to nap, he mentioned that he spoke to this woman about the situation months ago. I had no knowledge of any of this. He also mentioned we never established exclusivity before he left. I had to show him text messages and remind him and then he was like oh yeah... I felt that if we were going in to this relationship seriously and if we were now moving in together, I should have at least had knowledge that he was going to address her, or maybe I could have been there as he had the phone call just for piece of mind.
Anyway at 2 a.m., he decides that he wanted to pick up a few drinks and Taco Bell. I stay up and try to make amends with him even though I need to be up in three hours to get the kids ready for school. I ate food that made me sick and drank the worst crappy can of alcohol just to try to be close to him.... And he fell asleep.
I just feel our plans were ruined because of this time avalanche he caused with his temper tantrum. He claims I was wrong for not giving him his 15 minutes. I explained to him that his 15 minutes was a lot to ask for in that moment when we only had an hour before we had to get everything done. I also want to say that I waited 3 days for him to help me with these tasks and he didn't after saying he would - it was literally taking down a small shelf and putting things in the car. I patiently waited as he played call of duty and went out to play poker with his friends.
I don't think I'm the AH. But the way he spins it makes me feel so bad and insensitive... This morning he woke up and acted like nothing happened.. "connected" with me and then played call of duty for the rest of the day. And I'm sitting here with a schedule that is even more jam packed because I had to reschedule from yesterday. I am so stressed and overwhelmed and I just feel he doesn't care. And when I mention it, he packs a bag and makes it like I'm the issue.

I thought my Monday was rough. Until I experienced Tuesday. Those who believed that it was important for me to supplement my academic study of male masochism with first-hand experience — Luke, Paul, Brooke, possibly Neil as well — certainly were getting their wish. I less so, although there was no denying the authenticity of it.
I had to wait until Brooke and Luke were asleep to complete my punishment lines. When my alarm went off at 5 AM in Tuesday morning, after only four hours of sleep, I groaned.
As I was driving over to Kevin’s mom’s house, I received a text from him: Get me an Egg McMuffin from McDonald’s on your way here. Text me when you get here so you don’t wake up my mom.
I had dressed in a clean pair of yoga pants and plain black T-shirt (fortunately, at the time, my dresser wasn’t yet full of humiliating shirts, like it is today, and my cuckold horns shirt was filthy), so I was grateful for the drive-thru at McDonald’s. I resisted the temptation to order myself hash browns and instead limited myself to a banana and cup of coffee. I was determined to avoid more punishment on Saturday following my weigh-in.
Although it was to be another unseasonably hot day, the sun was just starting to rise when I pulled up to the house, so it was still fairly cool. Kevin was waiting for me on the porch. He didn’t thank me (let alone offer to reimburse me) for the sandwich, but rather ate it as he walked around his truck, inspecting the work I had already done. Finding fault with the cleanliness of his wheel rims, he instructed me to stop working on the interior of the car and to reapply myself to the wheels and hubcaps. I tried to explain that I had scrubbed these areas repeatedly yesterday, but that some of the blemishes simply could not be removed from the aging vehicle. He stood above me, supervising — as I worked on my knees — pointing to areas that he felt were not sufficiently clean.
“Sir, I can’t get this spot out. I’ve tried several times,” I said, as I strenuously, yet futilely scrubbed a black mark at the bottom of one of the rear wheels. It looked like it had been there for years. Kevin’s filthy plumber’s boots were right next to my face as I crouched down and scrubbed.
“Scrub harder.”
“I’m sorry, sir, but I’m scrubbing as hard as I can. Some of these stains just won’t come off.”
“You’re not trying hard enough. Here, let me try.” He grabbed the sponge from me and bent over to scrub it. It took some effort, but sure enough, he was able to remove the spot.
“See, you’re not working hard enough. Luke will be disappointed.”
“Sir, I promise you that I’m trying as hard as I can. I’m just not as strong as you are, sir. You have really bulked up at the gym since the last time I saw you.” I thought a little flattery might help convince him not to complain about me to Luke.
He flexed his bicep and stared at it admiringly.
“That’s really impressive, sir. Look at mine, by comparison.” I flexed mine, and felt like Popeye without the spinach standing (or, in my case, kneeling) next to Brutus.
“I guess you’re right,” he said. “I’ll tell you what, if you clean my boots and tools, I might not say anything to Luke.”
Have you started to notice a pattern here? A slippery slope of submission. For example, if I hadn’t been forced to clean Luke’s truck that time I was caught by Kelly, I probably would never have met Paul and, therefore, wouldn’t later that day be going to his condo to work as his maid. It seemed that one act of submission and exposure begat another. Where would it end? Would it end? At the time I am making them, however, my concessions always seem like good ideas, given my lack of options.
And so it probably will not surprise you to learn that I replied, “Yes, sir. Thank you, sir. I think I can use the same soapy water and leather conditioner I’m using on your truck. If you remove them, I can get started right away.”
“Remove them? Why bother? Just do them here,” he pulled down the tailgate of his truck and sat on it. I filled a fresh bucket of soap and water and got back on my knees to begin my task.
“My boots are dirtier than usual. My last job was a real shit show. Literally,” he chuckled.
I tried not to think about how exactly his boots got so filthy, as I used a towel to wipe off the foul smelling, caked-on debris. Kevin had a relaxed, arrogant expression on his face, as if having a guy twice his age kneeling before him to clean his boots was the most natural thing in the world. I heard the unmistakable noise of a photo being taken on a phone and looked up to see Kevin’s iPhone pointed at me.
“What are you doing, sir?”
“I just wanted to text Kaylee. She’ll get a kick out of this.”
What could I say in response? Challenge him and likely face Luke’s wrath? I bit my tongue.
After cleaning them, I applied some of the leather conditioner I had used on the truck’s seats and began buffing his boots energetically with a microfiber towel. It was just at that moment, of course, that Kevin’s mom, Darla, walked out of the house in sweatpants and a jacket, a cup of coffee in her hand. I will confess that my cock began to stiffen the moment I got on my knees and looked up at Kevin; the pure act of submitting stoked my arousal, as usual. But it was when Darla arrived that my cock really began to push painfully against its restraints.
“Oh, it’s you again,” she said looking down at me.
“Wally didn’t have time to finish my truck before it got dark yesterday,” said Kevin.
“Good morning, ma’am,” I said.
Ignoring me, she said, “It doesn’t look like he’s cleaning your truck right now to me. I guess Luke’s new lackey is now your lackey too. I raised some smart boys.” She smiled proudly. “At least this one isn’t wearing a bikini like Luke made his first boss wear when the old guy used to clean this truck back before he gave it to you.” She laughed heartily at the fond memory of one of my predecessors’ humiliations at the hands of her older son. So nice to be participating in the family tradition, I thought.
“Well, it is December. It’s a little cold for a bikini,” Kevin laughed. “Walter, stand up and show my mom the pantyhose, or whatever it is, that Luke makes you wear.”
I did as directed, causing Darla to laugh. “Those are women’s work-out pants, honey. But I can see the bulk beneath them. One of Luke’s signature methods of dominating the husbands he cuckolds. As I’ve heard your brother say more than once, ‘If you really want to own a man, control his cock.’”
“Wally is a college professor. Luke said he studied at one of them Ivy League schools, out East.”
“You can see where that’s gotten him,” she said. “Well, it’s a little chilly out here, I’m going back inside. I have I feeling I’ll be seeing more of you,“ she said to me with a smirk as she walked back into the house.
After I finished cleaning his boots, Kevin directed me to go into his garage, bring his tools out into the driveway and wipe them down with soapy water before loading them into the bed of his truck. He watched me work the entire time, not lifting a finger.
When I finished, he paid me a compliment. A most unwanted one, as it tuned out. “Nice job with my boots and my tools. Now that I’ve got my license, I could really use an assistant. I’m gonna talk to Luke about letting me borrow you sometimes.”
I didn’t respond, hoping this thought was just a whim of his that would soon be forgotten. I hoped in vain; it was indeed the slippery slope again, a continuation of my descent.
After I finished with his tools, I spent another hour finishing cleaning the interior of the truck before Kevin headed off to his first job of the day and I headed off to campus. This time, I did change into my jeans in a fast food restaurant on the way, too wary of facing Darla again to go back into the house.
I still wore the leather choker that day, and was highly self-conscious as I lectured to the 24 students in my Chivalry and Courtly Love In Medieval Literature class.
I had to be and Paul’s and Anna’s by 4 PM, so after my lecture, I walked to the drugstore to buy the Johnsons’ furniture wax and a toothbrush. I was starving. Having only had a banana that day, and having eaten very little besides salads, fruit and low-fat cottage cheese since my disappointing weigh-in on Saturday, I decided to treat myself to lunch at my favorite Thai restaurant in town. Given how hard I had worked and how little I had eaten over the last couple of days (and thinking about the humiliation that lay in store for me that afternoon), I figured that I deserved this one small self indulgence. I ordered seafood Tom Yum soup and beef Massaman curry. A caloric dish to be sure, but how much could it possibly hurt after my spartan diet of the last few days?
I was still savoring my soup when the waitress brought my curry and rice to the table. Just at that moment, I saw Neil enter the restaurant with a female colleague, Annabelle Nash (she taught Shakespeare, mainly). They greeted me as they went to their seats, but I could see Neil scrutinize the dishes on my table and shake his head disapprovingly (if subtly). Self conscious as I was, I nevertheless cleaned my plate (grateful Neil’s back was to me at the table where he and Annabelle sat). After I paid my check, I walked over to say goodbye to them.
Neil said, “Hey, pal, would you mind swinging by my office at around 2:30 for a few minutes?”
“Sure thing, Neil. Nice seeing you, Annabelle.”
When I met him in his office later, Neil closed the door and asked me to sit down.
“Walter, I have a bit of a dilemma that I hope you can help me out with. Luke made me promise to tell him if I caught you cheating on your diet on campus.”
“The restaurant is not on campus,” I smiled, attempting a joke.
“You know what I mean,” he answered, with a serious expression. “Was that beef Massaman curry? Do you know how many calories are in that dish?! And all the carbs in the rice? You should always ask for brown rice instead of white, you know. And you had soup too, I noticed.”
“But I barely ate anything the past three days. And I only had a banana for breakfast.”
“You’re always making excuses. That’s why you’ve basically been stuck at the same weight now for the last few weeks. You’re at a threshold, and to lose more, you need to be super disciplined about what you eat, and exercise more. No more excuses, Walter.”
“You’re right, sir. Please don’t tell Luke,” I pleaded.
“Look, I know what my telling him means for you as a consequence. But I promised him I would. And his methods with you have been successful. I feel I have to honor my promise.”
“Please, don’t. Maybe I can make it up to you somehow. How about a foot massage?”
“Giving me a foot massage isn’t going to burn many calories.” He thought for a minute. “I tell you what. The four days a week that we’re on campus together, how about if you bring me a coffee each day in between my classes? I don’t think that will conflict with your teaching schedule, and the exercise of walking to the Corner Cafe each day will do you good. It’s 3300 steps there and back; I’ve measured it on my iPhone. That way, I won’t feel as guilty for not telling Luke about catching you cheating on your diet today.”
“Yes, thanks Neil. Sir, I mean. That seems more than fair.”
Neil got up and shook my hand. “Deal. And you don’t have to call me ‘sir’ here on campus, pal.”
“Thanks, Neil.”
“But I will take you up on that offer for your amazing foot massages on Wednesdays after my back-to-back classes. You can give me one tomorrow when you bring my coffee.”
“Of course, thanks again, Neil,” I said, as I left his office. And so that is how I came to be Neil’s coffee boy for the balance of the semester (and future semesters, even during my sabbatical). And his foot boy, or reflexologist, or whatever you want to call it. Notice how it went from me offering to give him one foot massage in return for his silence, to me getting his coffee four days a week and massaging his feet once a week. In an instant! I guess negotiation was not one of my strong suits.
As I drove to Paul and Anna’s condo — the next stop on my gauntlet of service and humiliation that day —the Paul Simon song Slip Sliding Away ran through my head, the refrain in particular:
Slip sliding away You know the nearer your destination The more you’re slip sliding away
If old Paul was correct, the further I slid down the slope, the closer I’d come to my true nature. I wondered how much further I had to slip. Would I be the slave to everyone by the time I finally reached the bottom of the slope?
As I parked my car, I did another mental inventory of what I needed for my second visit to the condo. Johnsons’s furniture wax, check. Toothbrush, check. Punishment lines, check. I was wearing sheer, black nylon panties under my jeans. Then I remembered: I had completely forgotten Anna’s directive that I research and practice how to curtsy. All I could do is hope that she had forgotten. If not, maybe I could wing it? Better yet, maybe she wouldn’t be there this time. But did I really want to be alone with Paul?
Carrying a bag that contained my punishment lines as well as the furniture polish and toothbrush, I entered the lobby to find the same obnoxious doorman as last Tuesday, sitting behind his desk.
“I’m here to see Paul Betz.”
“And you are?” He knew perfectly well who I was, but wanted to force me to say it.
“The maid.” I looked down at the floor, ashamed.
He picked up the intercom. “Mr. Betz, your maid is here to clean your apartment. May I send HIM up?” The prick just had to emphasize my gender.
“Mr. Betz said you may go up. Apartment 11B. The elevator is around the corner,” he said, as if I had never been there before, a smug smile plastered to his face.
“Yes, thank you. I remember.”
When I got to their door, I got down on my knees, as Paul had instructed me. Should I have rung the bell first? Should I knock? Or would that annoy them? I had been announced, so they knew I would be coming up the elevator. I waited there for several minutes. The longer I waited, however, it seemed to make less and less sense to ring the bell. Maybe they were busy and not ready for me yet, even though I was very punctual? Maybe they were….having sex? I didn’t want to risk disturbing them. And, so, I continued to wait.
I then heard the elevator door open, with dread. A woman, probably in her mid thirties, walked by me to her apartment across the hall, staring down at me with an amused expression. When she opened her door, I heard her yell to someone in the apartment, “It looks like Paul and Anna have a new one,” before the door slammed shut.
Just then the the door in front of me finally opened. I saw Paul’s feet first.
“You may enter. Remember, on your knees.”
I put my hands down to crawl into the apartment, before he snapped at me: “No! I didn’t say on your hands and knees. I said on your knees.”
I shuffled forward into the apartment, cursing myself for having not purchased knee pads, as Paul had suggested. I told myself that I would have to start taking notes from now on , so I wouldn’t forget things I’d later regret.
“Lines,” he said, simply.
I pulled the several loose leaf pages out of my bag and handed them to Paul. “Here, sir.”
As much as it hurt my hand to write all of those lines, the mental anguish of having to repeatedly write that I would no longer mention academic integrity — a subject that I was passionate about (ridiculous as it might seem to you, coming from a professor about to clean the apartment of two of his students) — was worse. Paul knew that, of course. I was to learn that, despite their many differences in style, like Luke, he was a natural sadist, with an impressive ability to zero in on areas of his victim’s vulnerability or sensitivity to exploit for maximum humiliation. Lucky me.
“I’ll count them and check the neatness of your writing later. Did you bring the Johnsons wax and toothbrush?”
“Yes, sir. Here.” I showed him the contents of my bag.
Anna then came into the living room from the kitchen, munching on an apple. Both were dressed similarly to last time, Paul in sweatpants and Anna in tight yoga pants. Anna was barefoot this time, her pretty, pedicured toes painted a metallic silver color. She caught me staring at her toes, and smiled.
“Don’t worry, Professor Rollins, you will get to know my feet very well. They will be your best friends before long.”
“More like his unattainable crush,” Paul snickered.
“Crushes,” Anna corrected him. “Professor maid will have a crush on both of my feet and on all ten of my toes. He will worship them and he will pine for them. And they won’t give him the time of day,” she said. Then she abruptly said to me, “Obeisance!”
“Excuse me, Princess Anna?”
“Obeisance means assume the position of respect and humility before your superiors,” Paul explained.
“Yes, sir. I know the meaning of the word, but I don’t know what position she means.”
“I don’t like your condescending tone. It reminds me of when you corrected me in class on Monday about the cucking stool. We’re going to teach you not to use that tone with us. Certainly not here, where you are nothing more than a slave. But not in class either. You will be very careful in how you interact with Anna, Kelly and me in class from now on. We are your special students.”
“We are the teacher’s pets, and the teacher is our pet,” giggled Anna.
I certainly didn’t intend to be condescending — I was on my knees, for fuck’s sake — but I guess that quality just naturally creeps into my tone at times, unconsciously. Perhaps an occupational hazard of being a professor? Or at least, a hazard in the situations in which I increasingly found myself.
“Strip,” ordered, Paul.
“Yes, sir. May I stand for a moment?”
Paul nodded his ascent. I quickly removed my shoes, socks, shirt and jeans, and stood before them in my panties and chastity cage.
“Obeisance here means you drop down onto your belly, you clasp your hands behind your back and you slither like the worm you are to your superior’s feet and kiss each one reverently. Obeisance!”
I was standing several feet away from them. I did exactly what Paul described, finding that the only way to propel myself forward from that position was to grind my crotch into the floor. Not only was it incredibly uncomfortable, but I feared that my chastity cage might scratch their hardwood floor. Fortunately, there was an area rug covering most of the space separating us, so I was able to slide myself — indeed, “slither” was the correct word — towards their feet. Figuring ladies first, I planted kisses on Anna’s lovely bare feet, followed by Paul’s socked feet.
Paul asked me, “Where is Luke today?”
Still prostrate on my belly, inches from their toes, I answered, “He is traveling today, sir.”
“Overnight?”
“Yes, sir.”
“What about your wife?”
“She is working tonight.”
“You didn’t say ‘sir.’ That’s one demerit. At the restaurant?”
I had never said anything to them about Brooke’s job, even during Paul’s initial interrogation of me at O’Riordans. His detailed knowledge of my life was unsettling.
“Yes, sir.”
“What time does she get home? Don’t lie, I have my ways of checking.”
“Usually around 10:30 or so, sir.”
Anna interjected, “Good, you can work longer than two hours, then. The condo is a disaster, and we’re having a little get together on Thursday. That little bitch, Chrissy, said her mother is sick. Supposedly. So she wasn’t able to clean on Sunday. You have your work cut out for you, professor maid. Where is your page uniform?”
Oh, no! Another order, I forgot. I didn’t hesitate to lie. “My wife wore the jacket today, princess. She occasionally likes to wear it.” Did Paul have ways of checking on that, too, I wondered.
“Bring it with you on Thursday. Fortunately, I picked out some other things for you to wear today. You’ll find your clothes on and next to the spanking bench in the dungeon. You can change in there and then present yourself to us before you start cleaning.”
“Yes, princess. Thank you.”
As I walked upstairs to the dungeon, I was still trying to process Anna’s extremely troubling remark a moment earlier. Not the fact that I had to work longer than two hours, nor that the condo was especially messy. Rather, it was the fact that they were planning on inviting guests on Thursday, the day I was to spend four hours with them, including preparing and serving them dinner. They had promised me that I wouldn’t be subjected to further exposure. Still, I had to risk asking, at some point, who they planned to invite to their “little get together.”
Expecting to find a maid’s uniform in the dungeon, I was not completely mistaken. Draped over the spanking bench were sheer black, thigh high stockings and a garter belt as well as a white lace maid’s cap. On the floor next to the bench were a pair of what appeared to be brand new, black high heels. Presumably, these were purchased specifically for me and would not painfully pinch my feet like Chrissy’s did.
The garter had a velcro clasp, so was relatively easy to put on. I initially struggled attaching the metal clasps to the thigh highs, but got those on as well. I then put the on the ridiculous cap. Finally, the most challenging part: the heels. They were my size, thankfully, but I was very unsteady in them, even partially twisting my ankle when I first tried to walk in them. Regarding myself in a large mirror hung inside the door to the dungeon, I looked utterly absurd, especially with my bare torso and rock-hard nipples.
Anna laughed loudly when I wobbled my way into the living room, where she and Paul were now reclining on the couch. My cock strained against its cage as I stood before my young monarchs, watching them scrutinize my ridiculously attired form.
“Don’t worry, professor. You’ll get used to the heels before you know it. Now let’s see you curtsy.”
The moment I was dreading. Should I confess to her that I had forgotten her instructions and beg her forbearance? Or should I wing it? I chose the latter, and chose unwisely. Not having a skirt to lift, I sort of mimicked lifting a phantom one and lamely bent my knees before standing straight again. There was no extending my right foot behind my left, no holding my position for two seconds when I bent my knees, no lowering my chin, no maintaining eye contact with my mistress. In other words, my improvisation was a dismal failure.
“That’s pathetic. Did you bother to practice at all?”, asked Anna, with a scowl.
“Yes, princess. Maybe I picked a bad how-to video.”
“You only watched one? You didn’t read anything about the different steps involved? It’s not hard to find instructions on Google. I checked myself. You either are lying to me or you’re a complete bimbo. Is it really true that we can’t leave marks on his ass?”, she asked Paul.
“For now, yes, unfortunately. But I think I’ve figured out some ways to punish him that won’t leave any long lasting marks.”
“Good. He deserves it. Maybe a little pain will help you remember to do what we tell you to do in the future, and to do it properly,” said Anna to me.
“Yes, Princess Anna. I promise to study how to curtsy very carefully before Thursday.”
“You better. Including a deep curtsy.”
“But that doesn’t get you off the hook for fucking up today,” said Paul. “Now get busy.”
I gathered up their dirty laundry first (scattered throughout the apartment), and started a load. The condo was indeed a mess. I later learned that Paul and Anna simply never picked up after themselves. Why should they when they had a seemingly ever increasing stable of menials to do so for them. However, when one of the servants fell ill or for some other reason failed to clean on their allotted days, the next one paid the price, as I did that day. It was quite challenging walking in the heels, but Anna was correct that I got used to them fairly quickly. By the end of the nearly four hours I was with them that Tuesday, I was managing to walk in them reasonably steadily.
As I worked, I caught snippets of their conversation.
Anna said, “It’s a bummer we don’t get to control his cock.”
Paul replied, “I know. But I’m working on that. It’s going to take a little time.”
“That’s good. Without control of his cock, it doesn’t feel like he’s truly our slave, you know what I mean?”
“I do. Just be patient.”
“How do you plan to do it?” Anna glanced at me. “Or don’t you want him to hear?”
“I don’t care if he hears or not. There’s nothing he can do about it. The key is to make friends with Luke. He was willing to lend Rollins to us at the Ren fair when we asked. My guess is he’ll be willing to share him again. And regularly. Besides, Professor Larson told me Luke built a huge pool at his house. I’d love to swim there when the weather gets nice. Indoor pools just aren’t the same.”
I knew that Paul had taken one of Neil’s classes last year, but hearing that they had been in touch since the Ren fair — bonding over their shared love of swimming, no doubt — was concerning. I hoped that there wasn’t anything else they were bonding over.
Anna instructed me to use the Johnsons wax I had purchased to polish the expensive looking coffee table and end tables in their large living room. They watched TV as I worked around them, ordering me as they did last time to serve them drinks. The toothbrush was for me to clean the crevices in the tiled bathroom floor of the master bathroom. Anna said that the crevices made it difficult to thoroughly clean with a mop. That may have been true, but I suspected this was more about humiliation than cleanliness. She supervised me as knelt down and scrubbed the first few tiles, urging me to pay particular attention to those closest to the toilet. She stood in the entrance way, as I bent over with my panty-clad ass sticking out. Although my cock fought against its confines almost the entire time I was there that day, there were certain moments such as this that the throbbing was particularly unpleasant.
As I was mopping the kitchen floor, I heard an alarm go off.
“Get your ass in here!”, I heard Paul yell from the living room. “It’s time for your punishment. Normally, I don’t administer correction until a servant has completed all assigned tasks for the day, but since we can’t leave any visible marks on you for the time being, I’m going to make an exception for you. Five demerits from last week plus one from today. Not to mention your compete failure to learn how to properly curtsy. Get over my knees.”
“But what about the punishment lines, sir?”
“You’re questioning me? They were to address a separate issue: your idiotic obsession with academic integrity.”
“But, sir, didn’t you say that you would address my demerits on Thursday when I would be here longer?”
“That was before I knew you could stay here longer today. I intend to take advantage of it. But I’m also happy to administer part of your punishment today and part of it on Thursday. I’m sure that our guests will enjoy it.”
“Uh, sir, I was meaning to ask you about that. You, you…you and Princess Anna promised you wouldn’t tell anyone or show anyone…” My tongue was tied.
“Don’t get your panties in a twist, professor. Our guests are Kelly and Archer,” said Anna.
“Archer, princess?”
“Archer is Kelly’s boyfriend. You two go way back. He saw you cleaning Luke’s truck in a speedo and you cleaned his muddy boots at the Ren fair. That was so much fun!, Anna giggled.
“What are you waiting for?,” Paul snapped.
I walked over to him and lay across his knees. Across the knees of my student, dressed as some fetishized maid. It was a truly surreal moment.
“The advantage of a hand spanking is that it can hurt quite a bit, but it won’t leave marks. The redness will fade in a couple of hours, and I think I know how to go right up to the edge of leaving bruises without actually leaving them. The key is lots of repetition. I’m going to give you twenty spanks for each demerit. Normally, it would only be ten, but that’s when I’m using a paddle, strap or crop. Or cane. We will inspect your cleaning when you’re done, and any additional demerits you earn today will be addressed on Thursday.” Paul rubbed my bottom with his hand as he spoke, a sensual exertion of control that I did not expect.
“Did you ever think you’d get to spank one of your professors?”, Anna asked her boyfriend with almost childlike delight.
“Great to check this one off the bucket list. Someday, I’d like to have a Senator or Governor over my knees.”
“How about the President?”
“You never know. There are submissive cucks and closet masochists in all walks of life.”
And with that observation, Paul’s hand came down hard on my panty-clad bottom. It came down again and again. The first strike hurt, but it was the cumulative effect that really turned this hand spanking into a tear-inducing punishment. I managed to be fairly stoic until about the 30th strike. By around the 50th, I was kicking my legs. Eventually I kicked with sufficient force that both of my heels came off. Although my sheer panties offered next to no protection, about midway through my punishment, Paul pulled them down and struck me on my bare bottom. Around the same time the tears came, I started squirming around on Paul’s lap.
“Stay still!”
I tried, but as the spanks kept coming, I continued to squirm on his lap. Paul then reached between my legs and firmly grabbed my balls. That certainly got my attention.
As he squeezed them, Paul said, “Do you think you can be still now?”
‘Yes, sir. I do!”
Through great exertion of will, I was able to remain still as Paul delivered the final twenty or strokes. He pushed me roughly off his lap onto the floor after he finished.
“Normally, I would now make you stand in the corner with your ass on display for 30 minutes or so, but I want to make sure you have time to finish cleaning.”
I wiped the tears from my eyes and replied, “Yes, sir. Thank you, sir.”
Anna sat down next to Paul on the couch and, inserting her hand into his sweatpants. said, “That was hot. Did it excite you as much as it did me? Oh, I can feel that it did! Let’s go fuck on our freshly made bed.”
“Sounds good, babe. If we’re quick, he can wash the sheets again before he leaves.”
Which is exactly what happened. Their inspection of my work only resulted in two additional demerits this time.
Before I left, Anna gave me detailed instructions for the meal I was to prepare on Thursday.
It was 9:30 PM by the time I got home. Given that Luke was away, I was hoping Brooke would release me when she got home and give me footjob or maybe even allow me to make love to her like she did on Thanksgiving. As exhausted as I was, I had been in a near constant state of frustrated sexual arousal throughout the day and its myriad humiliations, and I was dying to be released.
Unfortunately, Brooke had a difficult night at the restaurant (two men who hit on her, and one who stiffed her after she politely rebuffed him) and was in a foul mood. So instead of being released, I spent still more time on my now truly aching knees, giving her a long foot massage through her sweaty stockings as she silently watched TV.
That was still the highlight of my long, long day.

I dreaded entering the classroom for my Male Masochism in Medieval Literature class on Monday morning, as it would be my first time teaching the course since my shameful visit to Paul and Anna‘s condo. They had, of course, promised to keep my subservience to them a secret. However, could I trust them? Could I trust the people who were essentially blackmailing me? In addition, as a close friend of Paul’s and Anna’s, Kelly was also well aware of the situation. If you recall, the enrollment in my class was largely due to her personal intervention with her friends after she and her boyfriend had encountered me washing Luke’s truck in my driveway wearing a pink speedo. Kelly was friends with at least two thirds of the class, and she struck me as a very social, gossipy girl in general, which was not reassuring. However, she had promised me at the Ren fair not to tell anyone about the humiliation I endured there. Paul assured me that she would honor their pledge of confidentiality in return for my servitude. He also suggested to me that she would be an active participant in it.
From my podium, I scrutinized the faces of my students to see if I could discern anything about what they did or did not know. Several of them were exchanging grins and whispers, but that was really no different than usual. Part of that was probably simply a reaction to the article of feminine attire that I was required to wear to each class. That morning, Brooke had fastened a choker collar around my neck. It was a simple, unadorned piece of leather with no metal or anything that overtly suggested a slave collar. Brooke assured me that male chokers had become fashionable. That may have been true for young, edgy GQ models in New York City, but I sincerely doubted that was the case on my college campus, especially for a professor approaching 40. In any case, the choker got a number of stares and double takes from both students and my fellow faculty members that day. It was to become a regular part of my wardrobe, nonetheless, as Brooke was quite fond of the look. My hope was that people simply viewed me as an eccentric, bookish guy with a surprisingly daring sense of style. Being truthful with myself, however, I thought that was pretty unlikely.
It seemed to me that Paul exhibited even more swagger than usual, again arrogantly resting his feet on the desk in front of him. Anna had a subtle, self-satisfied grin on her face as I lectured. Kelly was her usual bubbly self. However, I interpreted everything differently since the Ren fair and since my first visit to Paul and Anna’s home, and was now always on edge. I found it exceedingly difficult to concentrate on my lecture, the subject of which was the liberal use of public humiliation as a form of penance for sinners and criminals in 13th century Europe.
My loss of command of my class only seemed to be accelerating following my own public humiliation. The following exchange during my lecture that morning was particularly distressing:
“Public shaming was sometimes so intense that it was seen as a sufficient form of punishment, so that flagellation was not always considered necessary. Yes, Paul, you have a question?”
“Were pillories commonly used in public punishments in the 13th century?”, he asked with a smirk.
“Yes, they were quite common in the public square. Public shaming events were announced widely so that as many people as possible would come to see the penitent, thus maximizing his humiliation.”
“But wouldn’t the criminal or sinner who was locked in the pillory also be beaten?” asked Paul. I heard Kelly snigger.
“Frequently, yes, of course. But my point was that the public shaming itself was often so severe that flagellation on top of it was considered overkill. Yes, Kelly, you have a question as well?” The two of them rarely asked questions in class, so their inquisitiveness that afternoon was highly suspect.
“Yes, professor. Did public shaming sometimes include the penitent being forced to wear humiliating clothes?”
“Yes, Kelly, sometimes.”
“Were the male sinners sometimes forced to dress as women as part of their public shaming?”, asked Anna. I believe this was the first time she had ever asked a question in class. I heard a few scattered snickers in the room.
“Not to my knowledge. In Germany, shame masks, or schandmaskes as they were known, were frequently used, but more often for women than for men. Such as the scold’s bridle, used to punish, shame and silence mostly lower class women. So really not pertinent to our class on male masochism.”
“What about the cucking stool? Was that when cuckolds were humiliated by being dunked in the water? As if being cucks wasn’t humiliating enough,” asked Paul with a snide chuckle.
Paul was a very bright young man and almost certainly knew that that was not what a cucking stool was. It was clear to me that the purpose of all of these questions was to humiliate me. However, I took some comfort from the fact that all of them came from Paul, Anna and Kelly. I hoped that it was sort of an inside joke between the three of them, although I’m sure other students were picking up on subtexts. As they typically do.
“Of course, not. You know better than that Mr. Betz, I’m sure. Cucking stools, also known as ducking stools, were generally used for scolds or gossips, typically women, in which the penitent was strapped into a chair that was dunked into the water. It was sort of a precursor to waterboarding. Sometimes dishonest tradesmen were also subject to this punishment, but it certainly had nothing to do with cuckolds, despite the name.”
Paul glared at me. I realized too late that I would probably pay dearly for correcting him the way that I did. But what was I supposed to do? I did have a class to teach, after all.
Paul replied icily, “Well, it’s too bad that they weren’t used to dunk cuckolds. They certainly are a lot more deserving of humiliating punishment than gossips or scolds, if you ask me.”
I took notice of his use of the present tense. “An interesting perspective. Well, class is over. I’ll see you all on Wednesday,” I said, eager to bring the class to a close.
Like I said, it was highly distressing. Paul dropped a folded piece of paper on my desk as he and Anna exited the room. I opened it with trepidation: “Had to be cute. Bring 200 additional lines + toothbrush + Johnsons’ furniture polish.” Just cryptic enough to be useless to me as any kind of evidence of coercion. But the message was clear enough to me: I was being punished for having corrected Paul in class and was expected to complete an additional 200 punishment lines that night as well as to buy furniture polish tomorrow. The toothbrush part was a mystery to me. I had managed to complete 450 of my 500 lines so far. It helped that we had just had a long, holiday weekend and that Luke was not around for part of it; even so, I had to do some of the lines in my office at school and some after Brooke and Luke went to bed on Sunday night. Now, I had to complete another 250 lines in just over 24 hours. My fingers ached at the mere thought.
After class, I had a light lunch in my office and knocked out 50 punishment lines before hurrying off to my next trial of the day: washing and detailing Kevin‘s truck.
Because it was early December, I would mercifully not be required to wear a speedo. That said, Luke had instructed me to bring along a pair of light grey yoga pants and my cuckold horns T-shirt to wear while undertaking my chore. I had no doubt that Kevin, snitch that he was, would tell Luke if I wasn’t attired as directed. I really hated the light colored yoga pants in particular, because the bulk of my chastity cage and the small protrusion of my undersized balls (pushed upwards and outwards by the ring of my chastity device) were so obvious through the light, clingy fabric. I considered changing in the restroom of one of the fast food restaurants on the way to the house, but decided against it. I just couldn’t bring myself to face the humiliation of walking through the restaurant back to my car. So, instead, I chose the humiliation of changing in the bathroom at Luke’s mother‘s house, where Kevin still lived. Such was my life now: choosing the lesser of two humiliations. When I had any choice at all, that is.
Luke’s mom lived about 10 miles from campus in a rural area. I pulled up to the curb around 1:15pm and saw Kevin’s truck in the driveway. Apparently, Monday was one of his days off. The truck was indeed filthy; it looked like it hadn’t been washed in weeks, if not months. A hand-me-down from Luke, it was not the behemoth that Luke’s truck was, but was still an oversized pickup with four doors. Washing and detailing it would no doubt keep me busy for several hours. I thought it was unlikely that I could finish before sunset. Unsure what Kevin would have on hand, in the trunk of my Prius I had brought with me a vacuum, a bucket, sponges, brushes, wax, leather conditioner, wheel guard and rim sealant, a detail spay, VRP rubber and vinyl shine/protectant and microfiber towels. Not being a car person, I had never done more than a cursory washing of my own car a few times in the pre Luke days. But having washed and waxed his truck at least a dozen times — followed by inspections and immediate sessions with the belt, strap or cane to address any shortcomings —I was now quite the expert in how to do so properly and thoroughly. Still, I had never faced anything remotely as filthy as Kevin‘s pickup.
I approached the front door tentatively, carrying a bag with my change of clothes. Before I could even ring the doorbell, the door was opened by a tall, attractive woman with long, brown hair, probably in her late 40s or early 50s. My guess was that this was Luke’s and Kevin’s mother; there was a clear resemblance.
“Who are you?”, she asked.
“My name is Walter. I’m here to see Kevin.”
“Oh, you must be Brooke’s new husband, right? She certainly didn’t upgrade, did she?”, she laughed derisively. “I never thought she was as smart as she pretends to be. My name is Darla. I am Luke’s and Kevin‘s mom.”
“Yes, I’m Brooke’s husband. It’s nice to meet you.” I started to raise my hand uncertainly.
Rather than respond to me or shake my hand, she simply turned her head into the house, and yelled, “Kevin! Luke’s latest lackey is here to see you.” She then looked at me and said “See you later,” and got into a car parked next to Kevin’s truck. I heard her drive off as Kevin came up to the doorway.
“Hi Kevin, I’m here to wash your truck.”
“Good. It can really use it, as you can see. Luke said he wants you to call me ‘sir’ when you’re working for me. He also said that he wants me to start helping him look after you and Brooke when he’s busy or traveling. So you probably should just start calling me ‘sir’ from now on. He says the two of you are always trying to get away with shit, like disobedient brats. When they were married, Brooke sort of babysat me a couple of times, even though I was in my early teens and didn’t really need one. It’s pretty funny that the shoe’s gonna be on the other foot soon.”
“Yes, sir. I better get started on your car because I need to be home in time to fix Luke and Brooke dinner. May I change in the bathroom?”
“It’s down that hall. When you’ve changed, come see me in the living room before you start.”
“Yes, sir. Thank you, sir.”
As I was changing in the bathroom, I marveled at what a surreal, absurd situation I found myself in. Here I was, a nearly 40 year-old, tenured college professor under the control of an 18 year-old plumber, the younger brother of my wife’s lover. I felt resentment bubble up inside me. Surely, I could use my superior intellect, my maturity, my experience to intimidate this young man somehow or, at the very least, to reason with him, and make him understand the absurdity of him ordering me around like a servant, the absurdity of him acting as a babysitter of sorts for Brooke and me, as if we needed one.
But I have a shameful confession to make. As I pulled the yoga pants up my freshly waxed legs (I had gotten a full body waxing on Friday) and over my panties and chastity cage, any thoughts I had of trying to assert myself with Kevin quickly evaporated. There is just something about the feel of nylon or spandex clinging to my legs (or, when uncaged, to my cock) that almost instantly triggers profound feelings of submissiveness in me. It is really quite remarkable. This is especially true with pantyhose and tights; the lighter the weight and more sheer the fabric is, the greater my docility and meekness. Even the comparatively thick material of the yoga pants —some type of nylon/lycra blend— was more than sufficient to quell any fleeting feelings of assertiveness I may have had. I am quite certain that Brooke, and Luke, were well aware of the intense psychological effect that sensual, feminine clothing has on me, and took full advantage of it (and that was before I started being required to dress as a sissy maid, which took my feelings of submissiveness to an entirely different level altogether). The combination of the sensual material and the humiliating way it exposed my body (and its deficiencies) was a powerful one two punch (especially when I was the only one dressed that way, which was usually the case).
Thus, my rebellion was over before it even began. As I walked to the living room to face Kevin in my humiliating attire, I instead kept telling myself “go with the flow,” Brooke’s mantra for getting through particularly challenging or demeaning situations. In the living room, I found Kevin sitting on the couch with his girlfriend, Kaylee, playing a shooting video game on an enormous television screen. I had met Kaylee once before during the fall at Luke’s house. I had been raking leaves when Luke, Brooke, Kevin and Kaylee came outside to throw a football around. She barely acknowledged me at the time. Why would she? I was clearly nothing more than a worker or servant, certainly no one worthy of her attention.
I stood awkwardly before them for a couple of minutes as they played, awaiting Kevin’s instructions or at least his blessing to begin my task, but fearful of interrupting their game. The same type of insufferable, resentment-filled country music Luke favored was blaring out of a portable speaker. Kevin eventually paused the game they were playing on his wireless controller.
“Hi, Kaylee, we met in October at Luke’s…”, I ventured, before she rudely cut me off.
“Hi, loser. I remember,” she replied, looking at me with a mixture of contempt and amusement.
“Walter, if you call me ‘sir,’ you can’t call my girlfriend ‘Kaylee’. You need to show her respect too.”
“Would ‘Miss Kaylee’ or ‘Miss’ be accceptale?”, I asked, figuring they could always come up with something worse, so it would be better to preempt them.
“What do you think?”, Kevin asked her.
“That will work, I guess. At least until I think of something better. What do we call him? It doesn’t seem like we should call him ‘Walter.’”
“How about ‘Wally’?” Kevin could not possibly know how much I despised being called Wally. Rather, he seemed to share his older brother’s innate, intuitive talent for humiliation.
“That’s better. Although I might just call him ‘loser.’” She laughed.
As I mentioned before, Kevin bore a strong resemblance to Luke and was only slightly shorter. While not yet the intimidating physical specimen Luke was, he had bulked up considerably even in the five months since I had met first him; clearly, the weightlifting was having an impact. About 5’6” tall, Kaylee has short, dark brown hair and a tomboy appearance, but is by no means unattractive. Both of them were wearing jeans and T-shirts.
“What the fuck is that bulge under his leggings? I know it’s not his dick. And what’s the deal with that shirt?”, asked Kaylee. I was to learn that it was a distinct characteristic of Kaylee’s to almost always speak of me as if I wasn’t present.
“I’m pretty sure that’s his cock cage. Luke tells me that he locks up his cock and that he has to beg him to unlock him so he can beat off.”
“That’s fucking pathetic. You mean he doesn’t even get to have sex with his wife anymore? What’s her name? Brooke?“
“Yeah, Brooke. Maybe sometimes he can, if Luke gives them permission. Luke let him of cock jail on Thanksgiving only after he promised to clean my truck today. You know, Brooke used to be married to Luke. He’s hung like a horse. She must’ve missed it. Wally here is what’s called a cuck. That’s short for cuckold. Someone who gets off on his old lady sleeping around on him. I’m pretty sure that’s what those horns on his T-shirt mean.”
“My mom cheated on my dad, but he didn’t get off on it. He practically killed the guy. He practically killed her too. I don’t think she’d ever dare try it again.”
“Well, your dad’s not a real cuck like Wally. Luke says Wally gets off on the humiliation. He actually watches the two of them have sex. He even writes books about it and shit.”
“He really IS a loser, isn’t he? Isn’t he some kind of professor or something?”
“Yup. Luke calls him a professor of cuck studies. Makes me realize that my mom is right that college is a total scam.”
“Hey, watch it now!”
“Sorry, honey, but you’re studying accounting at community college, which is practical. He teaches at that bullshit liberal arts college. The tuition there is like 50 grand a year. And this is what you get for your money?!,” Kevin said, pointing at me and chuckling.
“Can I see his cock cage? I’ve never seen one before.”
“Pull down your pantyhose, Wally, and show Miss Kaylee.”
“Yes, sir.” I pulled down the yoga pants to my mid thigh, revealing my chastity cage, barely concealed by a pair of sheer, bikini style panties.
“Fuck, he’s wearing panties!”, said Kaylee, laughing. “Look how red his face his.”
This particular chastity cage consisted of a series of metallic rings surrounding my cock, the flesh visible between the bars. Kaylee walked over to me and crouched down to get a closer look. After lowering my panties, she tapped the edge of her plastic gaming controller against the metal of the cage, creating a pinging noise.
“It’s so tiny. And so are his little balls. I guess they make him shave all of his hair off. He’s hung more like a mouse than a horse. I can see why Brooke missed your brother. Check it out, his little cock is twitching! It’s trying to get hard, but it can’t, the poor thing.” She giggled.
Indeed, she was correct. This degrading inspection and conversation was causing my cock to throb painfully against its confines.
“I got no interest in seeing that,” said Kevin, to my relief.
“Sir, miss, may I please be excused to clean the truck now? I have to be home by 6.”
“Bring us both a glass of sweet tea from the fridge first. Then you can get to work,” said Kevin.
After I served them their glasses of tea, Kevin made sure we entered each other’s numbers into our iPhones. He wanted to be able to summon me if they needed anything. Afterwards, they sat back down on the couch, propped their bare feet on the coffee table and resumed their game.
One good thing about them living out in the country was that there was no one nearby to witness my humiliation as I worked. I started off wearing a hoodie over my T-shirt, but the forecast Luke had read last week was accurate. When I checked my iPhone, it was 69 degrees, which is absolutely insane in Ohio in December. I remembered with annoyance his dismissive remark about climate change. Luke is one of those guys who would deny climate change even if (or perhaps I should say, when) palm trees and sunflowers started popping up all over Greenland. In any case, the vigorous scrubbing required to remove the embedded grime on Kevin’s truck caused me sweat quite a lot, so I removed the hoodie. It was so hot that part of me wished I was wearing a speedo. Not only was the outside of the truck a mess, but the inside was full of old bottles, coffee cups and fast food containers.
About an hour into my work, I heard my phone ping from where it was lying nearby (one of the things I hated about the yoga pants Brooke bought me was that they had no pockets). I picked it up to read the following text from the most recent addition to my contacts: “Bring us more tea and a snack. There’s microwave popcorn in the pantry.”
This was unbelievable. Here I was, cleaning every inch of his truck, and he actually expected me to stop, clean my hands, and prepare and serve drinks and snacks to him and to his equally lazy girlfriend. A power play, pure and simple, right out of Luke’s playbook. What nerve! I rubbed my hands briefly against my bottom; the feel of the lycra helped adjust my attitude. I then swallowed my resentment and did precisely as commanded.
Neither of them even bothered to look up as I placed the popcorn and drinks next to their feet on the coffee table, so engrossed were they with their game. I worked on the truck for another 90 minutes or so, but was probably only about two-thirds done by the time the sun set. Not only did I need to be home to fix dinner, but I needed sunlight to finish cleaning properly. When I went back into the living room, quite remarkably Kevin and Kaylee were still absorbed in the same game, with the same type of obnoxious music blaring.
“Sir…”
“Shut up, can’t you see we’re in the middle of a game?!”, Kevin snapped.
“My apologies, sir.”
I stood next to them silently for about five minutes before watching one of the figures on the screen collapse to the sound of furious shooting noises.
“Bastard. He got me,” said Kevin.
“I’m done for, too,” said Kaylee, and a minute later, her figure was also apparently shot.
“What was so important that you had to interrupt our game?,” Kevin said to me.
“Again, sir. I apologize, but it’s almost dark and I haven’t been able to finish cleaning your truck. I need light to finish, and I also need to get home to make dinner. I can come back tomorrow to finish up, sir, if that is acceptable to you. I probably will need two more hours.”
“I have a job at 10:30, so need to leave by 10. I’m busy the rest of the day. So you’ll need to be here by sunrise.”
I was completely exhausted, and faced an even more daunting day tomorrow when I had to make my second appearance at Paul’s and Anna’s condo. But what choice did I have?
“Yes, sir. I will see you bright and early.” I then rushed home to begin dinner. I also had 200 more punishment lines to complete.
December was off to a pretty busy start as well. My new normal, apparently.

Hi all! I’ve been receiving full body head to toe laser from a local NYC spot for a bit over a year now. I had originally purchased a package of 6 sessions for ~$1600, but realized I would need some more. Luckily, they ran a holiday promo with huge discounts when I ran out of sessions, and I ended up going with a 12 session package full body head to toe, for only $300 more than the cost of 6 sessions. So total, 18 sessions for ~$3500. Some personal history: I’m Italian and Irish, pale skin and very dark hair, EVERYWHERE. I also have PCOS, and deal with excessive hair growth in the worst areas.
The laser used is the Candela GentleMax Pro. So far, I have completed 9 sessions, all 6-8 weeks apart. Here’s an update on my progress.
Face/Neck: Ive opted to only do my mustache, chin, and neck. These are all areas affected by my PCOS. Hair is still there but noticibly growing back slower. I had previously needed to shave daily, now I can go a week. Game changer. Electrosis will be my only option to rid these entirely and I will be doing this soon.
Chest/breasts/stomach: chest and breasts totally gone no regrowth since my 2-3rd session. Still dealing with some hair on my lower stomach but this is also PCOS inflicted.
Back/shoulders: very smooth, but noticing some stray long black hairs on my shoulders I had never had before. Very sparse. Otherwise everything is gone.
Bikini Line: this is the biggest seller for me. The hair is GONE. I have not shaved in multiple months. Looks and feels like I just got a wax. No ingrowns at all.
Brazilian: I opted to keep a landing strip but the hair otherwise is gone, and very smooth. May shave once in between sessions if I need to, but there is barely anything there. My crack and butt still have growth but it’s whatever. Was much more concerned with the frontside.
Buttocks: as an Italian woman, my ass is hairy. A lot of hair. Thick, black, and all over the place. My biggest insecurity ever. The growth has reduced but it’s still there. The hair is growing back thinner and softer so that’s a win, but will continue to go until i see more progress.
Upper legs: my leg hair is extremely coarse, and I have dealt with strawberry skin my whole life. Stubble would grow an hour after I shaved, and 3 hairs grew out of nearly every folicle. Laser has changed my life. Very little regrowth, only occurring after multiple weeks. The hair is very thin and soft. I haven’t worn a pair of shorts in multiple years but I reckon I’ll buy a pair this year!
Lower legs: hair is totally gone. Only regrowth is a small patch here and there with barely anything. My lower legs actually hurt the most during sessions. Super happy the pain pays off lol.
Arms: hair mostly gone, some patchy regrowth. Not worried about it. Less regrowth after each session.
Hands: finger hair gone no regrowth
Armpits: baby smooth, besides one thin strip lol. Will point it out to them next session.
Toes: toe hair gone no regrowth
Overall, I’d say 85% of my body hair is gone and has not come back. The remaining 15% is a mostly hormonal areas which I expected.
Laser has been worth every single dollar I’ve spent and then some. I’m not great with pain and am still on fairly low levels at this point but it still works. I bought the larger package with this in mind.
I am not at all affiliated with or sponsored by the place, just very grateful for their transparent pricing, friendly staff, and clearly effective service. I also don’t get any referral treats or anything or the sort, I just want people to know about them because I can’t recommend them enough. I go to New You Laser in Manhattan. Their pricing and specials are always posted on their website if interested.
Happy to answer any questions :)

I got a spray tan (haven’t had one in awhile) and I got a bikini wax 24 hours before. I thought I had given it enough time to settle but now post tan (about 3 hours after) I’m seeing the tan has settled into my pores around my bikini line.
How can I fix it without completely removing the tan there? Should I wash it off now? Gently exfoliate? Thank you!

My husband is self employed. Our income varies a lot but we have about $5mil liquid plus assets. He’s been the sole provider our entire relationship. I’ve worked in companies we/he owned but that money didn’t pay bills and we had a similar set up as we do now.
Passive income is our retirement plan. We don’t discuss it regularly but we have. My husband is older than me (15 years) so that’s also the plan if he passes away before I do. He has children from a previous relationship. We have a plan for what will happen if/when he passes to make sure I don’t have to work and am able to maintain as much of my lifestyle as I want while also leaving them an inheritance.
My husband has a very niche job so it’s unlikely he’ll be out of work. If I gave any details about what he does, it would be incredibly easy to find us, so I’m not going to. He’s very financially intelligent and we would be able to maintain our lifestyle if he was out of work or decided to stop working. He went to college but was not meant for the classroom. His career isn’t in a field you can study for anyway. He is inherently business-minded. He would not do well working for someone else. If we separate, we’d have to figure it out. We have a prenup but it’s irrelevant now. Our wealth was built after we married. I would be willing to sign a post-nup and he knows that.
I do have a budget. It’s about $4k a month. (I’m terrified of someone in my real life finding this so I’m intentionally being very vague. Sorry!) I cover groceries/toiletries and spend the rest on what I want. I regularly go over budget and we argue over it. That’s normally because we set the budget together and I’m doing something different. My budget was a decision we made together. There are no ramifications beyond a tense conversation and he always pays my card balance. I definitely see how he would feel disrespected when I do go over budget. He pays for anything when we’re together, all medical and trips. I use a credit card for most of my purchases and it’s paid off at the end of the month. I have a few credit cards but use the one with the best cash back/point system 99% of the time and the other time I use a debit card. I have multiple points of access to money. If I pick up food or get gas, I use a separate card and it doesn’t come out of my budget. If it doesn’t go on the card I use most of the time, it doesn’t get counted towards my budget. I have excellent credit. He put me as an authorized user on a no limit card before I was 25. Independently I have other cards with high limits and don’t carry a balance. I think I have made one payment with interest as an adult and never paid a late fee. I’m incredibly privileged and know that’s unusual.
Monthly expenses I aim for a $200 food budget a week. I try to spend $150 and leave $50 for incidentals. I get a bikini and brow wax once a month and that costs around $100. I get my hair done every 7 weeks and budget $200.
I’m able to be a SAHW because we can afford it and I want to. I do take care of 100% of the housework/meals but he takes care of 100% of the finances. I don’t even know what bills get paid, when or how much they are. Any money I could make wouldn’t make a difference to our household but my efforts in the home would be missed. I’m capable of and have jumped in when he’s needed extra support. It used to be more common but as his business has grown, so has staff. I’m currently easing my way into a few admin positions. We lost our pet a few weeks ago and it has been very hard on me. He was very medically complex and I devoted a lot of my time to him. This work is more to give me something to do than it is to ease some of my husband’s burden. It is important to know, at the height of the pandemic I ran a fast casual restaurant we owned. I never worked a shift before I stepped in as operator. I was determined to earn the respect of the employees and did every job in the store and was present for every shift. My mental health took a huge dive. I was struggling with some health issues at the time, was working more than I ever had and for the first time, wasn’t working along side my husband. I was threatened, had an employee that turned into a stalker and just the general difficulties that come along with food and customer service. A lot of people would have handled it a lot better than I did.
My work history- I worked a few minimum wage jobs before meeting my husband and after I’ve worked exclusively for him. We got together when I was 22.
We live in a suburb where there are multiple millionaires and most people are upper middle class. We live in a neighborhood where everyone lives comparable lifestyles. I grew up below the poverty line in a very rural area. Food stamps were the only way we ate and was how my mom treated us. We could get any snack on grocery day. Walmart was considered too expensive for clothes. I definitely feel the difference in how I grew up vs how I live now. I can’t imagine the stress my mom felt raising two kids alone, with a very limited education and job opportunities. There was never enough of anything. We knew we didn’t have as much as people on tv or in movies but a lot of people grew up the same way so it didn’t feel so bad. I think I also knew that she was doing her best, which was a lot better than most people could’ve done in the same situation. I knew I could want more things but it wasn’t going to change anything. We’d just all feel bad about it. We did always have a place to live, clothes to wear, and our needs were met. She’s financially doing a lot better now and tries to spoil me. My husband grew up solid middle class in a suburb. We cover a few bills for a few of my family members and regularly take them on trips and cover the cost of everything when we are with them. I don’t think I’ll ever not feel survivors guilt from being financially more well off, even though they’re all fine now.
Common questions I get- Don’t you want to work for fulfillment? No. I’ve never been career driven or had any idea what I’d like to do.
Does your husband control the money? Beyond my budget, yes. He doesn’t say anything about what I spend my budget on. He might say he wouldn’t buy something or share an opinion but never stops me from buying something.
Why aren’t you more involved in your finances? Because I’m bad with money. I am going to spend every available cent.
Why don’t you have a house keeper? Not sure why I get this so often but I do. I guess because we can afford one. I enjoy cleaning and it’s a hobby for me. That’s probably unusual but it is.
does your husband cook or clean? No. He’s capable but doesn’t. I have plenty of time in my day, he doesn’t. I’m not going to ask him to do 50% of domestic work if he’s also doing 100% of the financial work.
What would happen if you had to get a job? My husband would have to cook and clean. We would reevaluate the division of tasks in our home. 100% of things have to get done. If my 50% is a mix, so will his.
Am I a Tradwife? No. We have traditional roles but I am not a tradwife. I’m not subservient.
Are you religious? Not particularly. I identify as Christian but not a particular sect. I don’t attend church but do bible study on my own and try to be Christlike. That didn’t influence our decision.
What hobbies do you have/why don’t you have hobbies? For the first 9 years of our relationship, I worked outside of the home. Some of it was in a business and some of it was tagging along. I didn’t have as much time as I do now so I just never developed any. I do read a lot and usually leave my house everyday for a few hours. I’ll think of things I want to do/make then think they’re silly, or wonder what I’ll do with the product of the hobby when I’ve completed it and talk myself out of it.

Day 1

10:30 am- I wake up and text my mom happy birthday. I hosted a small get together for her yesterday but still want her to know I care.
11:30- I call her once I make a cup of coffee and while chatting, get a test message confirming a meeting I forgot about. This is my first meeting in about 3 years. I forgot all about it so push it back by about 30 minutes. I get off the phone, rush some makeup and throw on an outfit. Luckily, I like the first thing I put on.
12:30- get to the restaurant and I beat her. Cool. I get a table but it’s very small and I worry I’m being a Karen but ask to move. Have our meeting and put lunch on my debit card. I think this was around $55 but it doesn’t come out of my budget.
2 pm- head to Walgreens. I want a powder I heard about, need deodorant and my eyebrow pencil is done. ($54.50) after that I head to a grocery store to get some fruit, yogurt and ground beef. We’re leaving for a business trip in a few days but we need to exist until then. ($68.07)
4 pm- get home and tidy up a bit. It isn’t bad since we had the get together yesterday and my cousin stayed and helped clean after. I call my mom to tell her to go outside. My sister and I sent her flowers and they were just delivered. These were previously paid for.
5:30- start a dinner of pork chops, rice and tomatoes with black eyed peas. Trouble shoot a friendship issue a friend is having.
6 pm- sit down to dinner and an employee calls my husband and kind of interrupts but whatever.
7 pm- husband leaves for a business thing, that gets interrupted by a service call. My grandmother asks if I can book her and my aunt a hotel near the airport so I do that. It goes on a card I have of hers, for things like this. I have some snacks. I schedule a few phone interviews for the following day
9 pm- he’s back. We share a mandarin and decompress. Total- $122.57

Day 2-

10 am- wake up and immediately worry I overslept. My first interview isn’t until 12 so I’m fine. Scroll and just relax in bed until
11 am- I’m up and have a coffee. Organize some staff supplies, bag and label them to send with my husband when he leaves. Listen to Strange and Unexplained with Daisy Egan.
12- have my interview. I immediately like her. She says all the right things, which is an important skill for the position I’m interviewing her for. Make a lunch of soup and crackers and fill my husband in on some gossip I got from the interview. (I make fast friends and rarely meet a stranger. I was a bartender for a few years and people tend to open up to me.) order my best friend flowers for her birthday. I have to be sneaky to figure out her work schedule and work address but I really want them delivered to her job. ($65 with delivery and tip) Make my husband a cup of coffee since he’s running to make his first meeting out of the house today. Load the supplies into the car so they aren’t forgotten. I have 15 minutes left until my next interview and try to eat.
1 pm- interview is fine. Nothing spectacular. I make my bed at some point today and sit down to do my makeup in between personal calls. (Husband, cousin, grandmother, husband). Do my skin care and apply sunscreen to sink in while I’m on my next interview call. It took me 3 tries to do my eye makeup. I used the wrong liner, then was distracted by a conversation with my husband about real estate development and how we want to proceed. Dawdle around the house for awhile.
1:30- next interview. This one went REALLY well. I tell her to let me know when she’s available for a second, in person interview next week. Text the first applicant to move our 2nd round interview to next week. Get a text alert about my scheduled wax. Whoops. Move it to when we will be back from a trip we leave for tomorrow.
4 pm- decide to leave early for dinner. Husband and I are meeting my grandmother and an aunt for dinner and I need to make a return. Hit pretty gnarly traffic and get into a pretty bad argument with my husband. He drops me off at the mall and parks so we can each have some space. I do my return, go into 2 stores and track my grandmother. We drive to the restaurant and have a nice dinner.
7 pm- on the way home we get a phone call about an employee situation. It turns out to not be as big of a deal as we thought. I text a few friends along with a younger woman I kind of mentor. I met her when I managed a restaurant a few years back. I was her first boss and we bonded. I met her when she was a freshmen in high school and she’s a sophomore in college now. I think for her, I’m a trusted adult that isn’t a parent. I’m glad I can be that for her, as I wish I had had that as a young woman. I pack while texting and watch a few YouTube videos.
10:45 pm- I’d like to self tan tonight. That means I need to shower and shave but I remember I need to make a training video for an employee. She is the lead on a project but isn’t doing great. I have a lot of experience where she has next to zero so I’m kind of acting as a liaison to help communicate between her and my husband. I can usually answer questions quicker than he can and also have a different set of skills than he does. We’ve also found that some people feel more comfortable having a close working relationship with another woman vs a man who is almost twice their age.
11:15- showered, shaved and tanned. I actually self tanned a few nights ago but it’ll be wearing off while I’m gone and don’t want to be patchy. I catch my husband between calls to ask if I can share the training video or if he wants to approve it. He does so I tell him it’s loaded and to let me know what revisions to make. I feel like my husband and I are coming off only business. Today, we kind of are. He checks it out, okay’s it and I send it out. I finish my skincare of eye makeup remover to make sure I got it all off, micellar water in case oil cleansing and regular cleanser left any residue, tretinoin every other night, moisturize and aquaphor around my eyes. We eventually settle into bed and go to sleep around 1 Daily total- $65

Day 3

8:30- snooze
9:30- awake and scroll for 15 minutes. Make a cup of coffee, shower and wash my hair. Do my skincare and makeup. My morning skincare is micellar water to refresh, vitamin C, moisturizer and sunscreen. I don’t normally but I do a full face today. Throw on leggings, an oversized shirt and tennis shoes for traveling.
11:30- my husband loaded our bags and I set the dishwasher to start while we’re gone. We head out but have to stop by one of our businesses and a local government building to drop off a check.
3:30- we stop halfway between savannah and Atlanta to charge the car. We order coffee and walk to get it. ($25 to reload my Starbucks account) Mine isn’t ready but my husbands is cold. I offer to share. I book our hotel room once we get back in the car.
5:30- we hit traffic and had to stop 6(!) times for various things. We meet my husbands best friend for dinner before heading to our hotel. Once there we all get in our car to go get snacks. Hubbys friend pays. I ask if we can find a drugstore so i can get a nail file. I also get a blush ($19.05)
11:30- in bed after a shower and skincare. I end up ordering some supplies for my nails. ($38.02) Daily total $77.07

Day 4

9:30- awake to go to a baseball game. My makeup looked so good yesterday so I do it today too. Put on jeans, a tank top, hoodie and tennis shoes. Try to buy a coffee in the hotel but they have no milk/creamer. The coffee itself doesn’t taste very good either.
11- meet my husbands best friend and his wife to ride into the stadium.
12:20- get to the stadium and it starts raining. It isn’t too bad but I buy a hat so I can cover the frizz. ($33.92) We get a hot dog, fries, coke and water then find our seats. Of course someone is in our seats but they realize what’s going on and move without being rude.
3:30- this game is not going well for us. I had an appointment at a boutique but reschedule it for the morning. The other woman with us and I go to the bathroom and to get some water, she gets some ice cream. ($18.05) when we’re getting back into our seats, I apologize to a guy for making him get up and tell him it’ll be the last time. He says he doesn’t believe me. Jerk.
4:45- this game is done even if it isn’t over. We walk back to the car and get in traffic. The other couple won’t shut up for my husband to get directions. (The guy is supposed to be mapping and just doesn’t.) my husband gets off on the wrong exit but it doesn’t add any time.
6- we get back to our hotel and tell them bye. We pretty immediately go get some pizza and decompress and go over what happened today. The other couple are a lot and have a lot of drama.
9 pm- we go out for snacks and come back and relax until we fall asleep. Total- $51.97

Day 5

9:30 am- we wake up and can’t decide if we’re coming home today or not but know we’re leaving the hotel. I dress in a cute outfit and do my hair and makeup since I have my boutique appointment. There’s still no coffee add ins so we plan to stop by the first coffee shop we see.
11:30- we drive into the city and somehow don’t pass a single coffee shop. The boutique is in a very busy area and the entrance looks a little sketchy. My husband sits in the car waiting for me and makes some calls. I get inside and feel comfortable so text him to let him know I’m okay. Spend the next hour going over what I want.
12:30- my appointment didn’t have an end time but I wrap up. ($504.36) we’re hungry but can’t decide what to eat so we go to a mall. I get subpar Chipotle ($12.85).
2 pm- we head to the Carter center & presidential library. ($24 admission) then ($32 at the gift shop)
3 pm- we decide to go home today.
5:30- stop halfway for some water ($3.93)
6:30- stop for dinner at Wendy’s ($26.41) and to get more water and a road trip snack ($10.26)
8:30- HOME! I buy a bra and some toner off Amazon ($192.41)
9- husband goes out for pizza. My mom calls me to discuss the HPV vaccine (???) and my grandmother calls and gets me off the phone to her.
10- we settle in to watch TV and eat some pizza. My insides hurt from the junk food today.
a note, a lot of things are going on my card that normally wouldn’t. A few times I had my card when my husband didn’t or Apple Pay didn’t work. If I go over my budget, I’ll bring it up. Otherwise I wont
1 am- fall asleep
Daily total- $806.20

Day 6

11:30- I finally (!!!) get out of bed. Unload the car and do my skincare, makeup and put on shorts, a tshirt and baseball hat to go grocery shopping. Surprisingly, my list isn’t that long. I make a second cup of coffee and somehow spill most of it on my counter.
2 pm- Head to Publix where I get pork chops, ground sirloin, mandarins, bananas, popcorn, some canned goods and powdered greens. ($159.59)
3 pm- back home. Text with an employee about the project she isn’t doing great on. She mentioned to my husband her cousin applied. I make a mental note to set up an interview. Go on a walk with my husband.
6:30- I made pork chops for dinner again. It isn’t all I cook but it’s in the rotation and what my husband picked. Tidy up and decompress a bit. Not sure what from since I haven’t done much today. I digress.
8 pm- go on another walk. We’re gone for about 45 minutes and I have 3 mandarins when we return
9 pm- am influenced to buy headbands that mimic sunglasses holding your hair back. ($15.98)
2 am- fall asleep
Daily Total- $175.57

Day 7

12 pm- oh my goodness. I finally wake up. Make an egg and grits with coffee, orange juice and powdered greens. I hate it but have been slacking on eating vegetables so this is my penance.
1 pm- tidy up my house. Unload and load the dishwasher, wash the pan I made my egg in, vacuum a little and make my bed. Order a dress for a summer wedding ($29.16) it’s garden party attire but I’m not sure the current definition of garden party is what my definition is. Settle in to watch an episode of Mad Men.
2 pm- talk on the phone to my grandmother until my husband interrupts to tell me about a swarm of bees at our back door. We decide to get ready and head to the gym
3 pm- get to the gym expecting to be intimidated. I’m not, as there are not a ton of people here but there are plenty of people my age and older and the same level of fitness as I am. (I was one of those people that looked like I worked out all through my 20s and existed on Coke and Doritos. I gained 30 lbs over the pandemic and am very self conscious.) I was going to do the 12-30-3 but realized that was too ambitious for day one.
5 pm- head to longhorns for an early dinner. Have terrible service but the food is okay. Chicken tenders and potato soup make most things acceptable.
7 pm- come home and do my nails with gel x supplies that came while we were gone. I have zero luck with these things usually but they came out really well! Will definitely continue to do this. Text a friend and tell her to come over so i can do hers.
8 pm- go to Kroger for smoothie stuff. I hate smoothies but my husband likes them and I could use more opportunities to have something healthy. ($38.19) I talked to my mom on the way there.
9:30 pm- start a load of laundry and decide to go for a walk. We discuss some work things and some personal things. He reassures me that I do not have to do the work I’m doing but if I decide to, that he would like a 6 month commitment.
10 pm- come home and wash my hair, put the laundry in the dryer, do a little prep for my interviews, watch more Mad Men and blow dry my hair. Order eye makeup remover, glycolic acid and nail clippers ($35.50)
2 am- fall asleep
Daily total- $102.85

Weekly Total- 1401.25

My reflection-
This is a pretty typical week spending wise, travel included. I wish I didn’t buy so much from Amazon but I live 20 minutes from the nearest grocery store, 30 minutes from a Walmart and 45 minutes from target. I did do the most work I’ve done in 3 years during this week. I decided to give my husband the 6 month work commitment. I think it’s good for me, I can do it from my house and it provides a distract from the loss of my pet. I’m sure I will be ripped in the comments for buying so much from Amazon, eating out so frequently and my relationship but I feel pretty good about my life.
I want to add- I didn’t break up my husbands previous marriage. They were divorced for more than 10 years when we met.
Maybe this would have been better categorized as a spending diary vs a money diary

So I don’t know how long it’s been this bad really… I got Brazilians for about a year and don’t remember it being this bad prior. I have always had ingrown hairs and still got them a bit with Brazilians too. I stopped getting them when I was about 7/8 months pregnant and now I have a 7 month old so I also couldn’t tell you what direction I shave in or any great specifics because EVERYTHING is in a rush these days!!! But I am honestly getting the most horrendous and painful ingrown hairs/bumps on every hair follicle every time I shave. A couple of days after when the hairs have started to grow, I have to pluck them one by one just to ease the pain a bit as they’re literally all growing ingrown.
What can I do to help this? Please help! New razor every time? Some crazy vitamin that will change the texture of my pubic hair? The place I used to get waxed used to try and upsell me this anti ingrown hair product but I try and be moderately granola about what I use these days and I don’t see how a chemically cream could be beneficial and not harmful. Not sure what it was. I’ve tried exfoliating, moisturising, aloe Vera gel. I don’t really want to use hair removal cream as what is even in that shit??? I’m also breast feeding if that matters at all. We are living frugally so I can be a SAHM so I can’t afford waxes or lazor removal.
My husband was surprised pikachu faced at how sore and bumpy it was today, which just proves it was never this bad before as we’ve been together 10 years. And it’s literally every time now. So I try and not shave because I’m too uncomfortable when I do, but then I’m uncomfortable when I don’t too so I end up doing it and the cycle starts again.
I know pubic hair can be a touchy subject but honestly I just don’t personally like it. You do? That’s great, but I don’t, and I don’t have any interest in keeping it. I find it uncomfortable and itchy. I live in a very hot climate where I very very often wear a bikini too.

Hi guys,
I have tried it all. Lotion before, lotion after, exfoliating before, exfoliating after, expensive shaving cream, cheap shaving cream, no shaving cream, going against the grain, going with the grain, tendskin, first aid beauty after shave pads, some spray water that I can't even remember, and every razor brand under the sun. I can't get rid of the insane razor burn I get after shaving. My lower legs get razor burn but it's manageable. My thighs are a complete other story. It looks like I have a horrible rash and it's so itchy but also hurts so badly it's all I can think about. In the winter I can get away with not shaving, but now that it's getting to be nice out again I'm really hoping to find a solution because I really prefer to have no hair on my legs. Also, I've tried waxing/ sugaring both myself and professionally. My hair is super fine and blonde so it is hard to see while waxing and also doesn't want to come out so that isn't an option either. My bikini area and armpits are mostly fine unless I do something to irritate it so it's just my legs.
I'm hoping someone has a solution! Products, techniques, some really obscure family recipe, I will try anything at this point!

Background info, I am pale af, Fenty shade #110, and my hair varies, on my arms it is fine, but gray/dark brown, legs dark gray+dark black and THICK, same as armpits and bikini. An unfortuante combo. I have used both methods of hair removal for at least a few months each and this has been my experience below;
Spolier alert: At home IPL is magic and if you are second guessing it: don't - just buy it

Braun Silk Epil 9

I had been epilating for a few months consistently (with Braun silk epil 9) - to summarize, lots of ingrown hairs and red bumps everywhere, lots of pain, and most imprtantly, no reduced rate of hair growth whatsoever
Prep
I always exfoliate during the shower with exfoliating brush, and moisturize after each epilating session. I would use the trimmer attachment to trim the hair right before epilating so that they weren't too long or too short. I epilated my full arms, full legs, bikini and armpits
Pain
Intense AF. Never got better. Even after month, epilating armpits + anywhre near bikini left me in tears. I wish I had used numbing cream but I did not realise that was a thing until I decided to stop using it
Efficacy
I found epilating never got rid of my hairs (I don't mean permanently, that's not what I expect, I mean even just temporarily). It was successful in that my hairs grew back slower because it's similar to waxing (only cheaper in the long run imo which is why I went for epilating rather than waxing), but the amount of stubble left over and time I had to commit ended up frustrating me
I am certain the hairs that were were epilated were done so successfuly because I would need to remove the head often to clean off the epilated hairs, which were many and visible and almost tripple in length than the stubble I left over. Because of the issues explained below, I also tried on multiple occasions epilating with longer hair, either leave longer time between epilating sessions, or epilate completely from full grown hair. The problems below occur at any stage of the hair growth cycle unfortunately:
I had to go over my legs multiple times in all 4 different directions to get hairs out, and there was still always stubble/strawberry legs left because what seems to always happen to me is, the epilator pulls the hair, grabs it up, then just as it's at the surface, it cuts it off, so theres a tiny stub left over that isn't long enough to pluck anymore, not with the epilator or with a tweezer. So some hairs are infact epilated, but some are just pulled up and cut. The only thing I can do is shave when this happens (and it happened to every other hair), which defeats the purpose. What I ended up doing to verify my concern is "popping" the pore (?) to see what comes out, and its just a tiny stub of leftover hair that pops out instantly, which confirmed my suspicion
I never once had clear legs with epilating even though I did it 1-2x a week for a few months (with no shaving in between to let the hair grow properly to be epilated well), and each session about 1-2 hours because I had to be thorough or my legs would look super stubbly. Additionally what happened is the hairs that did finally end up getting epilated, a small number of them grew "curved" inside, I guess these would be ingrown hairs, which I never had before epilating. So my results consisted of; some hairs being pulled fine, and growing back slow as a result, majority of the hairs being left as some weird stubble, and some of the hairs being ingrown. The amount of stubble was never reduced, every single session I had many bits of stubble left, which for epilating 1-2x a week, with 1-2 hour long sessions each time, is just not what I expected. I had the worst strawberry legs of my life
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Braun Silk Expert Pro 5

I am using the Braun IPL device for full legs, bikini, armpits, fingers, toes, full arms - every single surface that has hair. If this does not work I am straight up skipping laser and going for the electrolysis lol. I decided to try at home IPL instead of LHR because I want to be able to laser off everything, every crevice, without feeling awkward
To summarize, amazing experience, completely painless, hair has been significantly reduced, it is lighter and softer when it does grow, and if it does grow it grows in sparse patches so I might not even have to shave or ipl again until it becomes obvious. My skin where I am using IPL appears lighter (especially dark bikini and armpit area) because the follicle is no longer obvious under the skin
The downside is, the time taken to complete a session. It takes 3 hours for me because I need to do a thorough shave in the shower then go over the same spot a few times on my whole body to IPL it. This is a downside I dont care about because I LOVE having an excuse to watch tvshows while doing this once every 1-2weeks. Additionally, I am able to get every nook and cranny of my skin, and I do not feel comfortable asking the laser lady "hey please pull the right labia apart u missed a spot" :
This is a summary of the entire experience under the three categories, after having finished my initial 4 months of IPL consistently:
Prep
I prep by showering, using an exfoliating glove, and shaving super thoroughly (over the same area in multiple directions), completely smooth, ESPECIALLY the bikini area. If I leave stubble, it burns the hair a lot, and on bikini it becomes unbearable pain. It is imperative that it is baby smooth down there, to make the IPL pain free, when I don't shave thoroughly, the IPL catches on the tiny bit of stubble and burns tf out of me. After finishing the IPL session, I dry brush gently then moisturize
During shaving, I shave each area I will IPL up, down, right, left and diagonally in 4 directions. This way, I feel NO pain at all, anywhere, where I IPL, even the most ~ delicate ~ parts of the bikini. I have timed this and it usually takes me 30-50 min.
Pain
Almost completely pain free. Sometimes if I go over a spot more than 3x I'll feel a burn, especially at the armpit, but it's 1/10 of the pain of epilating - I have never shed a tear.
Legs and arms I feel nothing. Armpits also nothing except the very centre, I don't know why but the very centre of the pit in one specific spot burns and the results take longer to see
Pubic bone area felt like a pinch in the beginning, but quite tolerable. I don't wince or jump or anything it's just I feel a lil something. However the lower below the bone I go, the darker the skin gets and the pain is horrendous. Like it absolutely BURNED at the beginning. This was because I was not shaving as thoroughly. Just by shaving properly like mentioned in prep this stopped being a problem
Efficacy
It has been very effective and can see myself using this indefinitely. I do not have the desire to try professional laser hair removal. I can notice a very big slow in my hair growth, and patchiness in certain areas. However the sessions take AGES because I go over each area about 3 times, and do my full body, so overall I spend about 3 hours each time for full body including the shaving. Below will be my experience at different points in the journey, detailing the effects I am noticing:
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[25/11/23] Week of Session 1 - No visible change anywhere. Strawberry skin (bikini, leg, thigh, armpit, arm, hands) still very much present and skin is still dark in these areas, the follicle/haiwhatever is still below the skin and need to wait for it to be pushed out for the next IPL session I think?
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[26/12/23] Week of Session (?) ~8 - Been 30 days so far since I have gotten the device, used it 1-3x a week so I am only guessing it's session 8Status of my hair growth previously is:Stubble within 24h on all areas - the stubble is hard and spiky and very noticable. By day 2-3 I feel uncomfortable leaving the house with the areas uncovered because it would have gotten very long and dark
As of now I go 4 days before I shave and IPL again, so after 1 month the longest I have gone without IPL/shaving is 4 days
Legs - Currently day 4 leg growth is my previously 12h hair growth, so it is incredible to me that it's possible. This day 4 stubble is also quite soft, when I run my skin against it I don't get scratched in the same way as before, like it's very bendy and malleable?
I still have lots of strawberry skin, there are teeny clusters where my legs are completely smooth, no sign of hair follicle/strawberry leg, and then clusters where it's as it always has been. Previously my entire leg was strawberry legs because I am super pale with super dark leg hair, I am just so so happy this might finally fix the problem of seeing the bits of darkness through my skin, because it made me so damn insecure. Hoping that in the future it will completely eliminate it
Arms - Not noticing any sort of improvement unfortunately, I guess because the hair is fine and not as dark
Armpits - No hair growth on day 4, except the very centre of my armpit in one specific spot, the hair growth is still growing as before - which is very weird, I guess the light is struggling to get anything there because I can't pull the skin tight well enough, but it's really helpful to compare the difference in hair growth, the difference in the lasered hairs and the ones the laser couldn't get to is insane, the hairs in the middle are literally SO long by day 4 and the rest are.. not even growing lol
Bikini - Okay, I have been slacking here just because it takes so long to do, so some sessions I do it fully everywhere, and when I am lazy I just do the pubic bone area, leaving a strip down the middle, or I skip the bikini completely. Even with my sporadic consistency here, I have the strip for comparison, and the strip grows stubble within 24hrs again, but the sides are still completely smooth until day 2, after which stubble starts showing. I honestly had doubts of it working in the bikini cause the hair is so coarse, but it works better here than my legs?? Like sometimes I am literally lazy and dont IPL it for 1.5 weeks yet it's still working??? Hoping this area can also extend to having no stubble for 4+ days, but seems it still grows fast enough here now
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[24/01/24] Week of Session ~13 - Almost 2 full months now. It's been 9 days since I last shaved and there is no sign of stubble anywhere I use IPL, about to do my 13th session after documenting current hair status
Legs - Still very obvious strawberry skin. No growth at all on day 9, I would be comfortable going out without shaving for at least the next few days I reckon
Arms - Still no imrpovement
Armpits - Weird regression? Majority of my armpit has no growth at all, not even signs of upcoming stubble, but now there are soft hairs that have grown quite long in sparse patches. I prefer having stubble in 2 days than these weird patches, but I reckon it's because I stopped being as rigid with IPL here, I used to go over the same spot 3-4 times, but I have only been going over once and this is likely the karma for that. Going to start going over it multiple times again
Bikini - It's so god damn effective here, day 9 and zero growth, not even stubble. No more red bumps from ingrowns/razor burn it's just... smooth??? Especially the area between the thigh and bikini where you bend your legs, that used to be filled with red itchy bumps, but now there's none. I am slowly making my way to using IPL on the ~ whole ~ area because it's jsut so effective here it seems
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[27/02/24] Week of Session ~16 - 3 full months now since starting IPL. I have been very inconsistent between month 2 and 3 now. I went about 2 weeks without IPL and shaved twice to keep the hair away, and did this 2x. So I only did 2 IPL session in this entire month. I think this severely hindered me, it has been 2 days since my last IPL session (the 29th now) and I have such bad stubble everywhere. The hair seems to have just gone completely back to its old growth speed and I am so disappointed and feel like I wasted so much time, but it is still growing in very light, soft and malleable, so it's not all bad
Legs - Still bad strabwerry legs evrywhere. Hair grew into a soft, light, prickly stubble in 2 days after IPL
Arms - No improvement
Armpits - My armpits are no longer dark like they were before, also no dark stubble like before too, but again after 2 days since my IPL session I have soft, prickly, light, stubble up, but ONLY in certain patches. There are patches with no growth at all, so it was not all for nothing afterall. And since it's light it's not visually noticable, just by feeling. I would be comfortable going out without touching this for at least another few days
Bikini - Surpsiginly still holding up well, no stubble or anything. Also the area has lightened significantly. It used to look darker because of all the hair follicle and stubble, but there is none of that now, also zero ingrown hairs. I think because the hair is so thick here that taking those long breaks in the past month actually didn't affect it at all. Also I am immune to pain now, I don't feel anything when zapping the ~ whole ~ area, even inner lips. Disclaimer again that I shave THOROUGHLY, in all 4 directions before attempting to ipl here
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[26/03/24] Week of Session ~22 - 4 months in and I am very happy with the results and feel certain I do not have the need to go for LHR or anything else. I have been consistent and doing it roughly every 5 days, and just before this session I went 10 days with no hair removal and I feel confident I could go another 1-2 weeks without. But I do not leave it that long for the ake of consistency. There is currently no stubble forming anywhere which is why I am certain I would not need ot IPL for another week or 2
Legs - Still no change for the "strawberry leg" aspect but again, no stubble at all 10 days in without hair removal so far
Arms - No improvement, have no consitently IPL here
Armpits - Also no stubble here either BUT this one single patch of skin at the very centre of my armpit has some pretty long grown hairs (only 6-8 of them), they are super fine though, much more fine than I remmeber ever having hair anywhere. I am guessing I miss this spot sometimes when IPL, so it only gets lit up sometimes, which is why it grew in but grew in fine. It is an incredible progress marker though, because after 10 days that hair grew so long i can grab and pinch it between my 2 fingers, and there is literlaly not a single sign of stubble anywhere else on my armpit, not even dark spots to signify a follicle underneath lol. Compared to before my armpit is also the same color as the rest of my skin now, when previously it was darker, and I am assuming it's because the follicles aren't peeking through anymore
Bikini - Have been inconsitent with this because time, but I still only IPL the sides and have the middle for comparison and after 10 days, again no stubble where I IPLd it. Also no ingrown hairs or bumps or dark marks at all. The area also has lightened exactly like the armpits because the hair isnt showing through and because I am not constantly scarring it with razor marks as often

Okay so i am 16 right now, i started full body laser (like EVERYWHERE, face, bikini.. everything) in November 2021 when i was 14. Before that i was waxing for around 4 years, im indian but i have an amount if hair that even some indian men dont have. I have always thought i had some hormone imbalance but we have gotten everything tested and all are at normal levels. My brother also has alot of body hair and so did my mom but i wasnt as bad as mine. Anyways, my mom did laser and after like 8 sessions ut worked. Its been 6 years now and she still doesn’t have hair. I thought the same would be for me but its been more than 20 sessions and yeah it has significantly reduced the hair but i still get alot especially on my back and shoulders , i dont why its so much in that area. I dont know what to do now, i want to continue laser because its much more easier than waxing, but i just dont know why its not working

Sunday night I was meditating before bed and felt like I connected with some grays. I’ve always been afraid of them but they’ve always respected my boundaries
For example, during a lucid dream involving grays I’ve traditionally asked them to use screens so it’s less frightening and they oblige and think it’s funny (though if I concentrate intentionally on it during the dream I can sometimes see through it)
I’ve also traditionally asked them not to approach me outside of dreams in a visual way which has been respected
On Sunday I felt very connected and happy and safe and like we were friends having fun so I invited them to visit me irl but said I wasn’t ready to see them in my bedroom yet, they’d have to stay invisible
Shortly after this I dozed off and was woken by what felt and sounded like someone at the foot of my bed lifting my top mattress up a few inches off of the box spring, wiggling it slightly, then dropping it
I thought it was cute, said hi, and fell asleep for real
I’d gotten an IUD placed a couple weeks prior and it had really been stinging that whole time and getting worse. Sunday night was especially painful
I woke up around 3:00am naked (I always sleep naked so that’s not special) because I was so cold
Though I fell asleep laying on my side under the covers, I woke up on my back, no covers, with my legs positioned so the soles of my feet were together and my knees were fallen to the side, similar to how one is positioned for a bikini wax (I’ve never slept this way in my life)
I woke up and my IUD no longer hurt. It’s been four days and it still doesn’t hurt, like it’s magically no longer touching whatever nerve it was pressing on
I keep telling myself it’s probably a coincidence bc even typing this out makes me feel crazy. Anyone else ever have a similar experience?

Hi everyone, I have a question about using nair on my bikini area and around the vulva. Is it bad overall and should I continue to shave? (Haven’t done wax there, don’t really plan to) I’ve recently came back to using it after a few years of shaving. I do 7 mins on my legs and 8-9 on my armpits with no problems. But I also read veet was better for use down there. I’ve done a patch test there before and it took a WHILE to grow back but no complaints as I will consider doing another test again since it’s been so long. I also use the sensitive kind.

For years, MS has been documenting herself filming while driving, even after being called out on it multiple times and agreeing that it's not safe for her to do. The purpose of this post is to document many of the times she's filmed, taken photos or was otherwise unsafe while driving.

NOTABLE MOMENTS

In August 2020, MS was on the Babe AF podcast and said the following:

”Um… you know, I’m always gonna cuss too much, I’m always gonna smoke and drink and be a little wild, but it definitely took me down a notch of, like, “Alright, not everything has to be public.” laughs. Um, y’know, and also opened my eyes to, like, the recording while driving thing, y’know, things that I just thought I was above because I was… an influencer, I’m like, “I can record and drive, it’s part of my job!” And, like, no it isn’t, it’s not safe, right? So it kind of opened my eyes to these other things of like, just because… you know, don’t forget where you came from, and like, don’t forget what you would think if you were watching someone else doing this, like you would not be okay with it.”

In December 2020, MS was featured in a Buzzfeed list of 15 People Who Are Trash Humans, Plain And Simple for posting a photo of her nails that she'd taken while driving 60mph (Dec 6, 2020)
Around December 8, 2020, MS was reported to the Asheville Police Department with multiple examples of repeated traffic infractions. It is unclear whether anything resulted from that report.
On June 6, 2020, MS posted on Facebook several things she'd been called out on, including "Filming and driving is ridiculously unnecessary and puts others at major risk." However, it appears her behavior did not change as this lore post documents many of the times since then that she has chosen to film and drive.
In June 2021, MS admitted her license had been expired for two months, yet posted evidence that she was driving several times during that period.

ACCIDENTS

In June 2020, she claimed to be in a rental car while her car was being repaired from an accident. In July 2020, she claimed to have paid off her car.
Then in November, she posted a video explaining she'd been in an accident in mid-October 2020 after having paid that car off in July 2020. It has been suggested that she hit an electrical box and totaled her car.
In a September 2022 post, MS claims to have been in a bad accident in 2015, stating the car flipped, the airbag deployed and she had broken ribs. But in a post that same month, she claims to have never broken any bones.

CHRONOLOGICAL COLLECTION OF POSTS

The following is a collection of posts documenting Big M's dangerous driving behaviors over recent years. Dates are formatted as MM/DD/YY.
2020 Posts

• Driving while doing a Live (3/4/20)
• Live while driving? (3/11/20)
• Driving while recording. Yeah who cares if you're taking your eyes off the road and putting others at risk, nbd. Get that content gurrrrrl (3/21/20)
• Sis is back to her filming and driving ways... tsk tsk (7/26/20)
• Recording while driving. AGAIN. Screenshot from her story. I thought she "learned her lesson" about doing that...I guess she thinks because there are no cars near her it's ok? (8/20/20)
• Driving and recording AGAIN. She will eventually kill someone. She has learned nothing. It went on for a full minute. (8/30/20)
• I *know* you're here MS. I know you are. STOP FILMING AND DRIVING. This is a screen shot from a video on her stupid 'I'm going to the gym AgAiN" reel. JUST STOP. You are going to kill someone. STOP IT. (9/3/20)
• This is one of my biggest pet peeves with drivers. Do NOT abrupt the flow of traffic to let someone in. That's how accidents happen. Also, her eyelashes look awful🕷 (9/10/20)
• STOP FILMING AND DRIVING. JFC. I don't even know how she doesn't get into an accident or something. It's enraging. She's looking off to the side, looking at the phone, barely holding on to the steering wheel. SO IRRESPONSIBLE. (9/16/20)
• Refuses to stop filming while driving. (9/19/20)
• Two for one. She was filming herself while driving again and was looking into the camera instead of the road. Plus one more of their ‘funny’ faces (10/6/20)
• Filming while driving AGAIN!!! Will they ever learn??? (10/26/20)
• Another filming while driving but ‘Relax, it’s just down her driveway’. As if (11/10/20)
• This ISN'T your freaking driveway you absolute numpty so now what. Should we relax about this? This is a screenshot of a video from her story. Straight up hand held filming while she's supposed to be paying attention to stopping at a traffic light. (11/10/20)
• So she crashed her car back in mid October but is STILL using her phone while driving? I can’t… (11/12/20)
• She said she bought it. And then immediately posts herself driving while filming. Clearly doesn’t learn. (11/13/20)
• Totals a car due to distracted driving. OH I'm SORRY. Due to a freaky overcorrection. Proceeds to test drive a Mercedes while dancing to a loud radio and looking at the camera. She will never learn, she will never have any consequences. (11/13/20)
• Hmm, MS sure seems to be driving while this pic was taken...and around a curve, too. NOBODY NEEDS TO SEE THIS SO BADLY, will she ever put the phone down?! (12/6/20)
• Definitely going 60 mph while taking this picture. No pictures of your nails are worth endangering other people’s life. (12/7/20)
• Big M spotted on the iamatotalpieceofshit subreddit for taking a picture of her pop offs while driving 60mph (12/8/20)
• Y’all we actually have traction on her texting and driving! My conscious feels so clear now, truly could not feel okay having this knowledge and not reporting it. (This was allowed by a mod before anyone was nervous about touching the poo) (12/8/20)
• Pretending to be in traffic to make it seem like it’s ok to take photos while driving. (12/9/20)
• WE DID IT! (MS was reported for filming while driving)(12/10/20)
• She did it again... driving and filming 🤦🏼‍♀️ (12/11/20)
• Driving while filming bears at the Biltmore. (12/25/20)
• chief hun made it on a buzzfeed "trash humans" post (12/26/20)
• Love how she covers the speedometer now (12/28/20)
• Totally important posts about what songs are required during Nespresso purchasing adventures. Clearly driving in one. It’s not hard to wait until you get home and no one cares this much that they require a before purchase and after purchase update. (12/29/20)

2021 Posts

• This 57 second rant was filmed while she was very visibly driving (1/1/21)
• And once more: driving and filming, not even using the phone mount she has in her car (1/26/21)
• Doing a live video while driving (1/28/21)
• Mocks pandemic ✅ Mocks followers for calling her out for filming and driving ✅ Still complaining about the pedicure ✅ This was a hot mess of a live... (reposted for censoring names) (1/28/21)
• "I'm probably going to get yelled at for distracted driving" (3/5/21)
• So quirky, teehee. Also, who is driving this car??? Please tell me it's not her while she has both hands on her phone, she has to be in the 2nd row of a van, right? Please tell me that's right. (3/6/21)
• Of course she’s doing a live while DRIVING right now. So fucking selfish and dangerous. (3/12/21)
• Ma’am, with coffee in one hand and taking a picture with the other, WHICH HANDS ARE ON THE WHEEL??? (3/21/21)
• My best friend sells these itworks.. ummm wait what is the name of the company? Oh thrive. Right. I’m such a supportive boss babe friend I’ve never tried the mlm my best friend sells. Is this her next mlm? 🤔 I mean at least this time she’s trying it before she tells how amazing it is 🙄 (3/29/21)
• Boomeranging while driving. Glad it's so important for her to be an influencer while driving. I hope she doesn't kill anyone one of these days. (3/30/21)
• Driving and snapping pictures... Look at that motion on the guard rail! (4/5/21)
• Lol the hashtag. Gotta save face somehow I guess 😂 (5/11/21)
• Not only filming and driving, but zooming her head back & forth to the camera while driving & not looking at the road. She's going to kill someone. Anything for content. Also in the next slide she admits to driving for two months with an expired license. Infuriating. (6/1/21)
• Again filming and driving. Repost, forgot her necklace (6/8/21)
• Breaking my blackout for my cake day... Story complete with a bikini wax, trip to ulta, filming while driving, LV ‘dupe’ and flowers from Jesus. (6/9/21)
• Ugly ring on left finger - manifest that engagement swerty (driving a golf cart?)(6/13/21)
• Another nail boomerang while driving, going at least 40mph from what is visible on the speedometer. (6/23/21)
• Recording a live while driving!!! Reading and responding to comments WHILE DRIVING!! (6/28/21)
• Ohhhh honey, no. Those lips are so bad. (7/19/21)
• Filming while driving - with most likely still expired license (8/18/21)
• Good to know she’s been driving around without her expired license all day. (8/24/21)
• Screenshot, no video to avoid showing her name. DRIVING AND FILMING AGAIN. I fondly remember the time where she woefully and tearfully acknowledged she didn't realize it was so dangerous and she would never do it again. I really wish she would have kept her word. So dangerous and irresponsible. (8/24/21)
• MS is worried that this girl is walking alone on the sidewalk. While driving and filming her. She’s the threat (9/20/21)
• 2 things. 1. The difference between these photos is beyond startling. & 2. Perhaps I'm wrong but...is she taking these while driving?? Color me orange, I mean shocked. (10/27/21)

2022 Posts

• Filming while driving. AGAIN. This is probably the thing I detest the most about her. Neither of these two care anything about anyone else. Once again, I hope she doesn't kill someone with her stupid and reckless behavior. Hope this is censored enough. (2/18/22)
• (Repost to censor name) More driving while filming. Easy to tell she's holding the phone in her hand because on a bendy road she pans over to get the view in. No, this isn't on a highway but how easy would it be for her to not make the bend in the road and go flipping over the side. (3/4/22)
• I know I sound like a broken record and I'm preaching to the choir but I really want her to stop filming while driving. Completely unnecessary. (3/25/22)
• I'm not sure what the song is, which is why I marked it NSFW in case there's any language. Also I know that it looks like they're in a parking lot but she's still driving while filming. I hate it. (3/30/22)
• Ok swerties! Just one of the many gifts we've been given on this High Holy Day of MS. JT shared more evidence of driving while filming. No hands on the wheel. Moving car. Concentrating more on arching her back than the road. (Ok yes I know tech she's not filming it herself but still dangerous) (4/10/22)
• …and the morning after. She is filming/driving and probably wasted from a long night. (4/11/22)
• I'm sorry, I know I keep repeating myself but JFC she needs to stop filming and driving. I'm shocked she was able to stop at two of these stop signs. I hope this is censored enough. (4/16/22)
• Can she just... Not film and drive on the highway? 43mph. I get it, looks like no other cars are on the highway, but distracted driving is never safe. (4/22/22)
• Posts Boomerang: i tHoUgHt iT wAs a pIcTuRe (5/5/22)
• Did she bedazzle the emblem?!? I had to research and the bling is available from you know where...hahah (8/2/22)
• Nothing is ever important enough for filming while driving! (8/26/22)
• Can we please keep our tongues in our mouths. And maybe not record a boomerang and create a post on IG while driving? Someone is feeling sassy with the new straw. (9/8/22)
• Taking photos while driving. She can't say she did this at a stop light bc you can see the reflection in her glasses. Now having had drinks at brunch she's going to drive home. Pretty clear in her stories that she & her friend are buzzed giggly. I wish she'd take an Uber & stop endangering people. (9/28/22)
• Filming while driving again. WHY? (10/6/22)
• Cool, I love taking selfies and making IG posts while I'm driving too. (10/17/22)
• taking a screenshot while driving… (12/20/22)

2023 Posts

• Repost to censor better: driving and posting again. Stoplight but still. (1/3/23)
• Looks like we’ll be catching a glimpse of the wild hyena (1/17/23)
• I really wish she would stop filming and driving. It's so irresponsible. Not only filming and driving, but then choosing the gif to edit into the video before posting on IG. (1/19/23)
• According to NC law, it’s illegal to read/send texts or emails while driving. Imagine posting evidence of yourself breaking the law (1/19/23)
• Oh look, driving and filming babe is back. Nice pivot. (1/23/23)
• It’s only a matter of time before she drives through her garage door. (bad parking job)(1/31/23)
• (Double blinks) She has 3,456,983,299 travel mugs, and THIS is what she chooses to use "to go"? As if she's not distracted enough while driving that she needs to add hot coffee in a cup that she has to hold into the mix of driving. She is thick.(3/2/23)
• What I wouldn’t give for pics from her “dancing at Texas Roadhouse days” (3/4/23)
• Filming and driving again (3/7/23)
• Big M can film while driving because she’s an ✨influencer✨(August 2020). (3/7/23)
• Very Very Very important photo to take while driving (3/17/23)
• That no sugar and less Starbucks thing is going well, I see. (4/17/23)
• Guys she is, like, so generous (6/3/23)
• Running on fumes, but goes to a car wash instead of getting gas. That really tracks for MS. (6/16/23)
• Charity Babe makes a blunder. (6/22/23)
• Financially irresponsible babe (6/26/23)
• Should probably add the dentist to that list to get that tooth fixed. (7/6/23)
• Seriously what is this face (7/15/23)
• Driving and filming again (7/31/23)
• I have no words. (8/3/23)
• Guys did you know she has a new car and NAILS and goes to the gym?! (8/4/23)
• Silent treatment for the win!! (mini golf loser)(8/10/23)
• Filming and driving AGAIN for a very important reel. Yes, once was in a parking lot but imagine how many takes she made while she was doing it, watching it, then redoing it if it wasn't 'good enough.' (8/10/23)
• Can’t handle a coffee without all the syrups and sugar (8/13/23)
• No he didn’t (8/17/23)
• Southern Drawl Babe (8/25/23)
• I am shook (8/31/23)
• I'm so citey for the day in the life reel we're getting later!! (9/13/23)
• content incoming. I hope she really posts photos. (9/22/23)
• So… C didn’t fill up her car before he used it to go pick her up at the airport? 😬 (9/26/23)
• Now for some videos of her being heartless and condescending (10/4/23)
• Her hairline and forehead are CGI. (10/10/23)
• Filming and driving AGAIN. I don't care if she's at a stop light. You know this idiot doesn't wait until she's not driving to type this and post it. There is no reason for this. I know we say this all the time but she won't be happy til she kills someone. (10/13/23)
• Filming and driving AGAIN (10/17/23)
• Always so crass (11/7/23)
• November 7 and DONE buying Christmas Deck-or. Bonus: filming and driving. (11/7/23)
• This, from the person who constantly buys from Amazon, Target, WM and Shein. (12/9/23)

2024 Posts

• Safe driving habits? Don't know her. (2/8/24)
• More filming while driving.🙄 (2/16/24)
• SHE IS TAKING PHOTOS WHILE DRIVING AGAIN. God. This is the worst thing she does for me. I don't know why she can't just put the gd phone down for 2 minutes. You know she was editing this while she was driving. (2/18/24)
• As suggested by a swerty: let’s all remember when influential anti-racist Big M said she’d stop filming while driving. Circa 2021 (2/18/24)
• Watched TV, got up, filled up on powders and out the door after crawling out of bed all with the Sherpa. Flawless look filter, haha, so flawless! (2/21/24)
• She's heading home to NC this morning, and wanted to let everyone know she was posting while driving (3/11/24)
• Starting the week off with distracted driving! She posted an ironic meme about getting pulled over right after (3/11/24)

DRUNK DRIVING

Below are two posts from the same night where MS and friends appeared to be drunk at a hotel, then drove around the parking lot to pick up their friend who had gone into the store.

• Slurring words and not walking straight in the video of them walking the hallway on the way out to the car, next video is of her driving around the parking lot. All signs of drunk driving. All good choices. (3/13/21)
• Video from March 2021…OG swerties will prob remember this one. The frenemies went to a wedding for a fellow Y-hun. After the reception MS films her feet doing a “walk of shame” then an hour later she’s out driving, acting like a *silly* high school bully. 🤷‍♀️ 🙄 She posted this to her account- not one of the frenemies.🤦‍♀️

SUSPECTED DRUNK DRIVING

Below are posts that don't directly prove drinking and driving had occurred, however, based on the timeline of events on these days, it's possible that may have occurred.

• Well I guess they aren’t open so maybe I’m stretching to think she might be so irresponsible to drink and drive? (8/15/20)
• Mandatory two glasses of wine before driving the BeNz — now promoting drinking and driving to her followers 💯💯💯(11/16/20)
• Drinking at home, 2 different bars, then 2 hours after all 3 of them being too drunk to drive (all squeezed in the back seat of a ride-share) she's back promoting stuff ~ Is this "work ethic"? And C never showed up. (3/6/21)
• Special cocktail? This is literally Red Bull and vodka (4/7/21)
• Today’s “I Did” list: ✅ Brunch & drinks ✅ Try on hats ✅ Mimosas ✅ Driving (9/28/22)
• Chim Chim Cher-ee! She’s being the loudest and most middle school obnoxious in the group on her friends stories. There was a drink at brunch and she was driving, as well. (2/4/23)
• Questioning whether these are virgin drinks. (10/22/23)
• Step-mom’s putting vodka in her dragonfruit refresher again… (1/18/24)

Please feel free to add any relevant links or information in the comments below.

So, as stated in the caption, I just broke up with my F24 boyfriend M38 after 6 months of dating and roughly 8 months of knowing him.
Long story short, a week before Valentine’s Day, I received pictures of his chats from a close friend of mine who went through his phone while we all we partying together. Those chats revealed that since we began dating, he had continued calling his “female friends” beautiful (despite not telling me as much), asking them about their bodies while nude, speaking about how their boyfriends would have sex with them. He also would speak quite explicitly to all his friends about my sexual performance, even told them when I’d got my bikini wax. I was unfortunately also shown a conversation with his best friend where he told him about how great our first time sexual experience was, and the friend replied “already?!”. Insinuating that we had sex too early into the our relationship (it happened two months in).
The weekend of Valentine’s Day I brought this to his attention and he was more defensive than he was apologetic. Come Valentine’s Day he didn’t even go all out to apologise, but instead asked me to come over to his place and ordered my fave meal, which was cold when I arrived. I basically ended up taking the reins and leading the conversation coz I realized he had nothing planned, besides hoping we’d get to have sex. We eventually reached some form of resolution where he then apologised.
Fast forward to this past weekend, the same close friend sends me a text saying I should search the words “break up” on my ex’s phone. I did just that and found out that he was vehemently telling his childhood friends that he would never marry me, and even if I get to meet his family, he doesn’t mind still breaking up with me when he wants to coz that doesn’t matter. I then spiralled and kept reading to find out that he lied to me about his past, that he was having unprotected seggz with multiple women in the past, that he had been texting women about how horny he is and asking them for pics, and that he had been laughing with his female friends about how he gave me the bare minimum on Valentines Day.
My dilemma: had I never gone through his phone or my close friend gone through his phone, I would have been ignorant to all of this and he would have continued to be the great boyfriend I believed he was (he took me on a beautiful trip last year, took me on constant dates, had trips booked in two weeks time, and was also planning to introduce me to his mom in two weeks). He has since blocked me after I broke up with him on text, and has cancelled all my flights. Did I make the right decision here/ AITAH? Please be kind, but also honest.
P.S I do acknowledge that it’s wrong to go through your partner’s phone and prior to this relationship I had never once done that or even allowed my developing insecurities to lead me to that. I’ve always just walked away from relationships, but this one just hurts differently.
Thanks.

TL,DR: My dad knows some (but not all) of the abuse I've endured at the hands of my mom, and doesn't know how deeply hurt I still am by some of his past actions. I'm going to come clean to him about everything, but I want to know how to not make him feel guilty or at blame for anything.
Basically what the title says. I'm here because my therapist is out of town for the next three weeks and I feel like I'm hanging on by a thread. I've already decided to do this, I (F21) need advice on the execution.
For context, my mom (F58) sucks. After multiple failed attempts to reconcile, I went VLC with her in May 2022 and full NC by July 2023. She and my father (M61) divorced about 10 years ago, and she would weaponize me against my dad when it came to custody and to try to gain personal information on him. Unfortunately it worked, and I caused my dad a lot of pain in that time. After many, many fights that started over stupid stuff, mom kicked me out at 16 and I moved in with Dad. I lived with him full time until I moved out at 19.
My dad knows all the above information. He also knows how mom would belittle and gaslight me and call me horrible names. I managed to audio-record sections of those fights (most of which are her yelling at the top of her lungs and me sitting silently. My automatic response to getting yelled at is physically and mentally shutting down). Unfortunately, where I live it's illegal to record someone audio-only without their consent. I didn't have a choice, though. Had mom known about it, she would have switched her attitude and sound like a reasonable, collected person. Even though it's just a mask.
I still have those recordings. I still listen to them sometimes to remind myself that I'm not crazy, and that she is as horrible as I remember. I have not shared them with anyone, and she doesn't know they exist.
Even through all of this, before I moved in with my dad, he fought tooth and nail to get more time with me (I saw him 2 weekends per month at most). He was an absolute saint, and was there for me at my worst. He still is. I couldn't ask for a better man to be my father. He didn't succeed until after mom kicked me out because mom played the courts and jury to side with her. She's an expert at being a decent person in public and being a monster behind closed doors.
Dad tried to be strong for me. He still does. I know the past hurts him immensely, but I've never seen him cry. I've seen him get close, but he always goes to a different room and shuts the door to collect himself.
There's more abuse mom inflicted that he doesn't know about. I want to tell him. I have to tell him. I've been holding everything in for years and writing it down isn't enough. I haven't told him yet because I know that he still feels guilty about not being able to get me out of that situation with mom. For not trying harder. I don't want him to feel like a bad father. He's not.
He doesnt know mom would threaten to commit suicide because, and I quote, "Maybe that will finally make you care"
He doesn't know that mom would barge into my room/the bathroom while I was changing/bathing. When I told her to get out, she wouldn't, because "I'm your mom, I've seen everything before."
He doesn't know that mom would drink, and a lot of the fights happened while she was drinking. As a result I'm very hesitant to consume alcohol, but no one in my immediate family knows why. I've been teased for it, too.
He doesn't know that mom would book me appointments to get a bikini wax when I was 15, and she would be in the room while the specialist worked on me.
He doesn't know how a lot of the things he did to try to help me didn't help at all. And I still get teary eyed when I think about it to this day. When my grades started slipping in school, he pulled me out of extra curriculars and promised to re-enroll me when my grades improved. Well, they didnt. I took up other hobbies to compensate for that, and when I was caught painting instead of doing homework, the picture got torn up and thrown away. I received an apology for that but it still hurts to think about, even all these years later. It was a piece I was really proud of, too.
I know it's going to be a tough conversation no matter what. I just want to make it abundantly clear that I don't blame him for anything and I don't hold anything against him. I just don't want him to feel guilty or like he could have done better. I know he did his best in an all-around, ongoing, shitty situation.
I plan to share the aforementioned incidents with mom in this post with him, and the stuff he did that still hurt to think about. I just don't know how to start that conversation or what my delivery should be.
Any advice is welcome. Be as gentle or brutally honest as you want.