Dr.seuss skits papers

Through gifts and sales, I’ve amassed a bunch of books that have paper pages and longer paragraphs of text on the page (think Little Miss books, Love You Forever, Dr Seuss books). I imagine these books are better suited to older toddlers/preschoolers.
I’m an avid reader and just want to read these to him because I’m bored of his board books.
Is it a good idea to read them aloud while he plays? Or does this foster the notion that books are background noise and not something that should be actively engaged with?
Is there a risk of him tearing the pages? How to protect against that?
Edited to add that my toddler is almost 14 months old.

* I split all splitable codes; so, please ONLY redeem what we agree upon. Thanks in advance!
DISNEY HD SPLIT CODES (port to MA)
Aladdin 1992 Animated (GP)
Aladdin Live Action 4K (MA) or HD (GP)
Ant-man (GP) or (MA)
Atlantis The Lost Empire (MA)
Atlantis Milos Return (MA)
Avengers Age of Ultron (GP)
Avengers Infinity War 4K (MA) or HD (GP)
Big Hero Six (iTunes) (redeems 4K)
Black Panther: Wakanda Forever (GP)
Brother Bear 1 (MA)
Brother Bear 2 (MA)
Captain America The Winter Soldier (GP)
Cars 3 (GP)
Cinderella 2015 (iTunes) (redeems 4K) or HD (GP)
Finding Dory (iTunes) (redeems 4K)
Frozen (GP) or (MA) (redeems 4K through iTunes)
Frozen Sing a Long Edition (GP) or (MA)
Guardians of the Galaxy Vol 1 (GP)
Guardians of the Galaxy Vol 2 (MA) 4K
Inside Out (iTunes) (redeems 4K)
Into The Woods (GP) or (MA)
Iron Man 3 (iTunes) (redeems 4K) or HD (GP)
Jungle Book 1967 (GP)
Lightyear (GP)
The Lion King Animated (MA) 4K
Maleficent (iTunes) (redeems 4K) or HD (GP)
Mary Poppins 1964 (GP) or (MA)
Mary Poppins Returns (iTunes) (redeems 4K)
Oz The Great and Powerful (GP) or (MA)
Planes (GP) or (MA)
Planes Fire and Rescue (MA) or (GP)
Saving Mr Banks (GP)
Spies in Disguise (GP)
Star Wars The Force Awakens (GP) or (MA) (iTunes redeems 4K)
Star Wars The Last Jedi (MA) 4K
Strange World (GP)
Super Buddies (GP)
The Good Dinosaur (iTunes) (redeems 4K)
The Lone Ranger (GP) or (MA)
The Nightmare Before Christmas (GP)
The Pirate Fairy (GP) or (MA)
Thor (GP)
Thor Love and Thunder HD (GP) or (MA 4K)
Thor The Dark World (GP)
Tinkerbell and the Legend of the Neverbeast (GP)
Toy Story of Terror (MA)
Zootopia (iTunes) (redeems 4K)
SONY BUFF PASS x1 (Choose 1 of the following options...)
My Girl 4K
Hancock 4K
Stripes 4K
The Blob 1988 HD
Blue Thunder HD
Born Yesterday HD
Bye Bye Birdie HD
Guess Who HD
Stir Crazy HD
Untraceable HD
Universal Rewards May (Choose 1 of the following...)
A Dog's Purpose 4K
Backdraft 2 4K
Black Christmas 4K
The Sparks Brothers 4K
Agnes Browne HD
Antz HD
Being Frank HD
Don't Let Go HD
Final Account HD
Kicks HD
Loving HD
Raw HD
HD CODES (VUDU or MA)
007 Skyfall (vudu/GP)
47 Ronin (MA)
A Dogs Purpose (MA)
A Good Day To Die Hard Extended (MA)
A Quiet Place (VUDU HD/iTunes 4K)
About Time (MA) split
Alex Cross (Vudu) split
American Girl Grace Stirs Up Success (MA)
American Girl Isabella Dances into the Spotlight (MA)
American Girl McKenna Shoots for the Stars (MA)
American Made 2017 (MA)
American Reunion Unrated (MA)
Anchorman 2 (VUDU split)
Animal House Natinoal Lampoons (MA) split
Annihilation (Vudu) split
Apollo 13 (MA) split
Atlas Shrugger Part 3 (MA)
August Osage County (Vudu)
Bad Grandpa: Jackass Presents (VUDU split)
Barbie and her Sisters in a Pony Tale (MA)
Barbie and her Sisters in a Puppy Chase (MA)
Barbie and the Secret Door (MA)
Barbie in Princess Power (MA)
Barbie in the Pink Shoes (MA)
Barbie Mariposa and the Fairy Princess (MA)
Barbie Rock n Royals (MA)
Barbie Starlight Adventure (MA)
Battleship (MA)
Baywatch (Vudu split)
Ben Hur 2016 (vudu split)
Billy Elliott 2000 (MA)
Blackhat 2015 (MA)
Book Club (VUDU split)
Buttons A Christmas Tale (Vudu split)
Captain Fantastic (MA) split
Captain Underpants The First Epic Movie (MA)
Cirque Du Soleil Worlds Away (Vudu) split
Crocodile Dundee 1 (HD Vudu/4K iTunes)
Crocodile Dundee 2 (HD Vudud/4K iTunes)
Crocodile Dundee 3 in Los Angeles (HD Vudu/HD iTunes)
Curse of Chucky unrated (MA) split
Daddy's Home (VUDU split)
Daddy's Home 2 (VUDU split)
Darkest Hour 2017 (MA)
Dawn of the Planet of the Apes (MA) (redeems 4K iTunes)
Dead in Tombstone urated (MA) split
Deadpool (MA) (redeems 4K through iTunes)
Despicable Me 2 (MA)
Despicable Me 3 (MA) 4K
Diary of a Wimpy Kid Dog Days (MA)
Dracula Untold (MA)
Dr. Seuss's The Lorax (MA)
Eddie the Eagle (MA) (redeems 4K through iTunes)
Ender's Game (VUDU split)
Epic (MA)
Everest ( MA) split
The Fast and Furious 2001 (MA)
Fast and Furious 2009 (MA)
Fast and Furious Tokyo Drift 2006 (MA)
Fast Five Extended Edition 2011 (MA)
Fast & Furious 6 Extended Edition (MA)
The Fast and Furious 2017 Theatrical (MA)
The Fast and Furious 2017 Extended (MA)
Furious 7 Extended Edition (MA)
Fences (Vudu split)
Ferris Buellers Day off (Vudu/iTunes)
Fifty Shades of Grey unrated (MA)
Flight (vudu split)
Get Out (MA)
G.I. Joe Retaliation (vudu split)
Hail, Cesar! (MA)
Hansel and Gretel Witch Hunters unrated (Vudu split)
Hard Target 2 (MA)
Hercules 2014 (vudu split)
Home Alone (MA) (redeems 4K through iTunes)
Hop (MA)
How The Grinch Stole Christmas 2000 (MA)
Hunger Games (Vudu)
Hunger Games Catching Fire (Vudu)
Ice Age Continental Drift (MA)
Independence Day (MA) (redeems 4K through iTunes)
Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade (vudu split)
Interstellar (VUDU split)
Jackass 3 (Vudu Split)
Jack Reacher (Vudu split)
Jack Reacher Never Go Back (Vudu split)
Jack Ryan Shadow Recruit (vudu split)
Jason Bourne (MA)
Jaws (MA)
John Wick 1 (HD Vudu/4K iTunes)
John Wick 3 (vudu/GP/iTunes 4K)
Jurassic Park (MA)
Jurassic Park The Lost World (MA)
Jurassic Park 3 (MA)
Jurassic World (MA)
Katy Perry The Movie (vudu split)
Kick Ass 2 (MA split)
Kung Fu Panda 3 (MA)
Labor Day (Vudu) split
Les Miserables 2012 (MA)
Life of Pi (MA) (redeems 4K through iTunes)
Lucy (MA)
Madagascar 3 Europes Most Wanted (MA)
Mean Girls 2024 (HD Vudu/4K iTunes)
Minions (MA)
Mission Impossible Ghost Protocol (vudu split)
Mission Impossible Rogue Nation (Vudu split)
Mission Impossible Fallout (vudu split)
Mission Impossible Dead Reckoning Part One (4K Vudu/4KiTunes)
Mr Peabody and Sherman (MA)
Nebraska (Vudu split)
Noah (vudu split)
Non Stop (MA)
No Strings Attached (VUDU split)
Oblivion (MA)
Office Christmas Party (VUDU) split
Olympus Has Fallen (MA)
Pain and Gain (vudu split)
Paper Towns (MA) (redeems 4K through iTunes)
Paranormal Activity 1 (vudu split)
Paranormal Activity 2 unrated (Vudu split)
Paranormal Activity 3 extended (Vudu split)
Paranormal Activity 4 unrated (Vudu Split)
Parental Guidance (MA)
Penguins of Madagascar (MA)
Percy Jackson Sea of Monsters (MA)
Perks of Being A Wallflower (vudu)
Pitch Perfect 1 (MA)
Pitch Perfect 2 (MA)
Pitch Perfect 3 (MA)
Project Almanac (Vudu split)
Rango (VUDU split)
Ride Along (MA)
Rio 2 (MA)
R.I.P.D. (MA)
Rise of the Guardians (VUDU)
Rise of the Planet of the Apes (MA) (redeems 4K through iTunes)
Runner, Runner (MA)
Safe House (MA)
Selma (vudu split)
Sing (MA)
Sisters (MA)
Snatched (MA) (redeems 4K through iTunes)
Snow White and the Huntsman (MA)
Spiderman 2 Theatrical/Extended 2004 (MA)
Star Trek 4 The Voyage Home (VUDU HD/iTunes 4K)
Star Trek Beyond (Vudu split)
Star Trek Into Darkness (Vudu split)
Straight Outta Compton unrated (MA)
Strawberry Shortcake Dance Berry Dance (MA)
Super 8 (VUDU split)
Taken 2 (MA)
Ted unrated (MA)
Ted 2 unrated (MA)
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2014 (vudu split)
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Mutant Mayhem (HD Vudu/4K iTunes)
Terminator Dark Fate 4K (vudu split)
Terminator Genisys (Vudu split)
The Adventures of Tin Tin (Vudu split)
The Amazing Spiderman 2 (MA)
The Big Lebowski (MA)
The Big Short (VUDU split)
The Boss Baby (MA)
The Boss Unrated (MA)
The Bourne Identity (MA)
The Bourne Legacy (MA)
The Bourne Ultimatum (MA)
The Breakfast Club (MA)
The Croods (MA)
The Dark Tower (MA)
The Dictator (VUDU split)
The Dilemma (MA)
The Fault in our Stars (MA) (redeems 4K through iTunes)
The Gambler (Vudu split)
The Girl On The Train (MA)
The Great Wall (MA)
The Guilt Trip (Vudu split)
The Heat 2013 (MA)
The Impossible (Vudu)
The Internship (MA)
The Mummy 2017 (MA)
The Other Woman (MA)
The Purge 2013 (MA split)
The Purge: Election Year (MA) split
The Scorpion King 4 Quest For Power (MA) split
The Secret Life of Pets (MA)
The Secret Life of Walter Mitty (MA)
The Sponge Bob Movie Sponge out of Water (VUDU split)
The Wolf of Wallstreet (VUDU split)
The Wolverine Extended (MA)
This is 40 theatrical (MA)
Top Gun (vudu split)
Top Gun Maverick (VUDU 4K/iTunes 4K)
Transformers Dark of the Moon (vudu split)
Transformers Age of Extinction (Vudu split)
Transformers The Last Knight (Vudu split)
True Grit (VUDU split)
Turbo (MA)
Unbroken (MA)
Unfriended (MA)
Van Helsing (MA)
Warcraft ( MA)
War For the Planet of the Apes (MA) (redeems 4K through iTunes)
Warm Bodies (VUDU split)
What to Expect When You're Expecting (vudu split)
Whiskey Tango Foxtrot (Vudu split)
Wonder (Vudu or iTunes)
World War Z (Vudu split)
X-Men Days of Future Past (MA) (redeems 4K through iTunes)
XXX Return of Xander Cage (Vudu split)
ITUNES HD CODES (unless otherwise stated)
Alien Covenant (redeems 4K)
Alvin and the Chipmunks The Road Trip (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Anchorman 2 The Legend Continues (split)
Assassins Creed (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Bad Grandpa Jackass Presents (split) (redeems 4K)
Battleship (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Baywatch (split) (redeems 4K)
Big Little Lies Season 1
Buttons A Christmas Tale (split)
Cowboys and Aliens (ports to MA)
Daddy's Home (split redeems 4K)
Dawn of the Planet of the Apes (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Deadpool (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Despicable Me 2 (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Diary of A Wimpy Kid The Long Haul (ports to MA)
Dredd (redeems 4K)
Dr. Seuss' The Lorax (ports to MA)
Dr.Seuss' Horton Hears A Who (prts to MA)
Exodus Gods and Kings (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Fast and Furious 6 extended 2013 (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Fifty Shades of Grey (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Game of Thrones Season 1
Game of Thrones Season 2
Gifted (ports to MA)
G I Joe Retaliation (split) (redeems 4K)
Gone Girl (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Hansel and Gretal Witch Hunters
Hercules 2014 (split redeems 4K)
Hidden Figures (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Hitman Agent 47 (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Home Alone (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Home Alone 2 (ports to MA)
Hop (ports to MA)
How to Train Your Dragon 2 (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Hugo (Split redeems 4K)
Hunger Games (split redeems 4K)
Hunger Games Mockingjay Part 1 (split redeems 4K)
Ice Age (ports to MA)
Ice Age 5 Collision Course (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Identity Thief (ports to MA)
If I Stay (redeems 4K)
Independence Day Resurgence (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Interstellar (split redeems 4K)
Jack Reacher (split) (redeems 4K)
Jack Reacher Never Go Back (split) (redeems 4K)
Jack Ryan Shadow Recruit (split redeems 4K)
Jurassic World (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Keeping up with the Jonses (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Kingsman The Golden Circle (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Kung Fu Panda 3 (ports to MA)
Les Miserables 2012 (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Lets Be Cops (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Logan (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Lucy (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Mike and Dave need Wedding Dates (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Minions (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Mission Impossible Ghost Protocol (split redeems 4K)
Mission Impossible Rogue Nation (split redeems 4K)
Mission Impossible Fallout (split redeems 4K)
Miss Peregrines Home For Peculiar Children (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Nebraska
Neighbors (ports to MA)
Night at the Museum Secret of the Tomb (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Noah (split)
No Strings Attached (split)
Oblivion (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Office Christmas Party (redeems 4K)
Paranormal Activity 1 (split)
Paranormal Activity 2 (split)
Pitch Perfect 1 (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Pitch Perfect 2 (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Playing with Fire (redeems 4K)
Rango (redeems 4K)
Rise of the Planet of the apes (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Savages (ports to MA)
Silicon Valley Season 3
Sing (ports to MA) (redeems 4k)
Snatched (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Snow White and the Huntsman (ports to MA)
Spectre (redeems 4K)
Spy unrated (ports to MA)
Star Trek Beyond (redeems 4K)
Star Trek Into Darkness (redeems 4K)
Super 8 (redeems 4K split)
Taken 3 (ports to MA)
Ted (ports to MA)
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2014 (redeems 4K)
Terminator Genisys 4K (iTunes split) (redeems 4K)
The Book of Life (ports to MA)
The Bourne Legacy (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
The Fault In Our Stars (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
The Longest Ride (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
The Martian (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
The Maze Runner (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
The Maze Runner The Scorch Trials (ports to MA) (redeems 4k)
The Mountain Between Us (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
The Peanuts Movie (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
The Secret Life of Pets (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
The Wolf of Wall Street (split redeems 4K)
This is 40 (ports to MA)
Transformers Age of Extinction (split redeems 4K)
Transformers The Last Knight (split redeems 4K)
True Grit (redeems 4K)
Unbroken (ports to MA)
War for the Planet of the Apes (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Warm Bodies (split redeems 4K)
Why him (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
World War Z (split) (redeems 4K)
X-Men Apocalypse (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
X-Men Days of Future Past (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
XXX Return of Xander Cage (redeems 4K)
Zoolander No 2 (split)
ITUNES/MA/VUDU (SD) Redeem Codes (See Link Below)
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MY ISO/Request list:
Dune Part Two MA
Hotel Transylvania: Transformania MA
Kung Fu Panda 4 MA
Madame Web MA
Other new releases

https://youtu.be/Wlnj1-pMlUE?si=CEhcca1JLBbkXmDr
Extreme Rules 2011:
Post WrestleMania 27, Edge and Christian make an announcement after remaining on the SmackDown! Brand. Edge teases something of a potential career ending injury but than laughs deciding that he and Christian are 100% back as a unit. They plan on going on the road that reeks of awesomeness by winning all the gold on SmackDown! They remember when those two angry faced dudes in the Two Men Powertrip did that 10 years ago! After they do the five second pose, they are confronted by Alberto Del Rio and The Corre who take issue as roadblocks that don’t reek of awesomeness. Del Rio who won a battle royal to be the number one contender for the WHC wants to make it a 2/3 falls match. Edge who is on a new path as a Babyface Face of SmackDown accepts as he’s a fighting champ. E&C are backed by retiring GM Teddy Long who grants them the chance if they keep winning matches one on one or as a unit. Over the next few weeks, E&C win their matches and do funny old school 2000/SVR 2011 skits and pranks on their opponents leading to the PPV. Edge specifically mocks Heath for being that chick from Wendy’s.
WWE Tag Team Champions: The Corre vs Edge and Christian
This match starts off first in the PPV. The Corre are managed tonight by leader Wade Barrett who wants them to win the match to ensure that Christian doesn’t face him next week at SD for his precious Intercontinental Championship. The Chick from Wendy’s eats a spear from Edge and a frog splash from Christian onto Slater only for Gabriel to pull Slater off the ring. Despite the Corre’s tactics, E&C win after Gabriel does a 450 Splash only to get speared by Edge. Edge and Christian win the Tag Belts and do the five second pose. Barrett is pissed off at his former Nexus brothers failing him again. Look at what they became after a dominant debut.
World Heavyweight Championship: Edge vs Alberto Del Rio in a 2/3 Falls Match
Simply put, Edge beats Del Rio in a spectacular match with Del Rio getting the first fall before Edge wins the last two.
SmackDown Post Over The Limit 2011:
Intercontinental Championship: Christian vs Wade Barrett
Barrett signs off The Corre members to off ringside as he’s lost faith in their abilities to win. Despite this, Christian ends up beating Barrett to become IC Champ once again. Edge and Christian now hold all the gold on Smackdown. They are ready to hit a five second pose before Edge eats an RKO OUTTA NOWHERE from behind. Christian is in shock and before he’s able to do anything he’s attacked by The Undashing Cody Rhodes and Ted Dibaise Jr. Out comes The newly resigned Ric Flair who left The IMPACT Zone. He clocks Edge with a chair. The Legacy has reunited with Orton and Legacy holding the WHC and Tag Titles
SmackDown: 7/13/2011
The next week, Teddy Long in his final week as GM reprimands Legacy for their attack at E&C. He then cuts a promo thanking the fans before Ric Flair comes out with a piece of paper. He reveals that since Teddy Long is no longer going to be GM, he is now the new GM of SD in order to compensate for Flair’s desire to wrestle again and be the Pure Nature Boy. Teddy Long is upset as he’s disappointed that The WWE appointed someone with a bias and bad reputation. He then mentions how in the 80s, Flair discriminated him and held him down as a referee. Flair is pissed at Long mentioning the consequences of his lifestyle and demands he’s removed from the arena. Stephanie McMahon comes out and reveals that Teddy is in his final night in power and will make that call. Teddy in his last night as GM makes a Tag Team match with E&C and Rey Mysterio (Last SD! appearance before heading to Raw) vs Legacy. Post that segment, Legacy in gold suits are greeted by Mr. McMahon who takes issue with Long criticizing a business decision putting Flair as GM. He then closes the door for a talk. The main event ends in a draw. Flair then comes out with a beaten down Teddy Long who is being held by a muscular man in dark hooded clothing. He is then dragged onto the ring by Orton. Legacy force E&C to watch as Orton punts Teddy into Retirement. This makes the feud personal as Edge and Christian vow to make Legacy pay for attacking the man who helped kickstart making SmackDown a top tier show. Flair then forces E&C to defend all of their titles in one night at Over The Limit aganist Legacy in a Tag Match, Christian against Barrett, The Masked Man and Sheamus to stack the odds and then Orton for the WHC in the main event. This is a build that is intense and comedic with E&C doing their funny pranks/skits which are inspired by the E&C show back in the WWE Network. They prank Flair by thinking model will come to his office when instead he gets Santina Marella and Mae Young. They also tame a stuffed cushion tattooed viper, do an America Psycho Skincare Skit mocking Cody’s dashing gimmick, and defacing the Million Dollar Belt that was processed by Ted Dibaise Jr. This opposites Legacy serious demeanor. Orton takes issue with Edge as he’s the guy who he could never beat along with his master manipulation back in Rated RKO. He says that Christian is just a pawn in the flesh. He realized that he wanted to be the Viper again after brutalizing the Nexus earlier in the year.
Over The Limit 2011:
WWE Tag Team Championships: Legacy vs Edge and Christian
Due to shenanigans, Cody clocks Edge with his undashing mask while Ted Dibiase rolls him out.
Intercontinental Championship: Wade Barrett vs Sheamus vs Christian vs ???????
Despite Christian’s best efforts, he’s no match for the Heavyweights clashing styles as he’s battered brutally. During the match, the Corre abandon Barrett after taking enough of his flack. Christian is able to outsmart the Celtic Warrior before being speared by the Masked Man for the win.
World Heavyweight Championship: Edge vs Randy Orton
They have the same match they did in Backlash 2020, except Orton wins after a reversed spear into the RKO. Legacy have won all the gold and have sanitized the Road That No Longer Reeked of Awesomeness. Christian comes out to project his bestie before being attacked by Legacy and the masked men. Rhodes and Dibaise hold him hostage and put a paper bag on his head. Flair watches smiling in his office. The man then removes his mask! It’s Batista!!!! Batista then gives the Batista Bomb To Edge! Orton afterwards delivers a devastating punt kick to Edge as Christian is forced to watch. Medics and Christian tend to the Rated R Superstar as Legacy hold all the gold.

I need help coming up with ideas for a skit? My teenager has a birthday coming up and I wanted one of the games to be a skit where I tell them what to do. My teenager loves theater and we thought this would be a fun activity to be over dramatic. I am looking for things like the dragon entered the room and everyone was so scared they twirled like ballerinas. They need to act out all of the actions, so everyone twirls. The theme is fairy tales. I have tiaras for the princesses, inflatable swords and paper crowns for the knights (princes) and King. There is one dragon mask and we are giving grandpa a dunce cap and making him the old wizard who always falls asleep. If we can make them laugh and look silly, even better.

For context, my kids ask me regularly about "Dad-Lore" where I tell them about my childhood and they stand there with mouths agape and ask "how are you so normal?"
I grew up in a cult.
Think of that wild evangelical friend/uncle/cousin. Got them in mind? This was crazier. Like a lot.
I grew up in (what I thought was) a perfectly normal white, suburban, Canadian, Christian family. We were fairly happy. It was me, my brother, sister, mom, and dad.
We went to church every week. Church was a fairly "high priority" in our life.
You know, like everyone goes to church. Once on Sunday morning (for 3-4 hours), once on Sunday evening (evening service is where Pastor Len gets into the real issues - another 2-3 hours).
Oh, and small group on Wednesday evening (25-30 of our closest friends singing along with an acoustic guitar and half a dozen tambourines - anywhere between 3-5 hours).
And then there's the "Intercessory prayer" meeting on Thursday (a group of mostly women gather together to pray for all of their friends and family - each kept a spiral notebook as a prayer journal to make sure that all of the specific details of the friends' needs can be brought before almighty God that He might do a MIGHTY WORK IN THIS SITUATION!!!!!) (this was usually 3 hours or so)
Pant. Pant. Pant.....
I may have gotten carried away there for a moment.
Apologies.
To continue. Friday night was Youth Group (where your parents would encourage you to spend as much time as possible with THESE FRIENDS - in the hopes that we might meet a nice Christian girl who is deeply aligned with Purity Culture) (Friday nights were 4-6 hours)
Saturday morning was usually volunteering to help - so as to be "servant leaders" in our community - to help point the way to Jesus. This could be helping a family in our small group as they move, or shoveling other peoples' driveways ( 3ish hours )
Saturday night was often a second youth group event. Sometimes, it would be a fun "party type" event. Occasionally, this would involve "outreach", where we might do any number of things to advance God's heavenly kingdom here on Earth. (anywhere from 3-8 hours)
We may:

• Go swimming at a community pool (Girls must wear a one piece bathing suit with swim shorts. Boys must not be naked.)
• Have a "praise and worship" night where we would sing contemporary Christian music as a group following words projected onto any convenient wall with a transparency projector (a box with a lightbulb inside, a glass top, and a large magnifying lens like a periscope above - a piece of "transparency paper" with song lyrics would be placed on the glass and the light would project the words onto the wall)

These nights were considered some of the best youth events. We would sing and dance for hours. We would "pray in Tongues" at the top of our lungs. We waved flags with embroidered phrases like "Prince of Peace, Mighy God, Holy One".
In short, these were good nights because we felt like we could feel God right here among us.

• We might do a night of "witnessing". This could be anything from handing out (frankly hilarious) religious tracts at a local mall. Or, we might knock on doors to tell people about Jesus. We might talk with the unhoused about how Jesus could turn their life around. (This was generally done during the summer months as you don't get too many kids showing up to wander downtown streets on winter evenings)
• The roller rink was super fun. We would rent the whole place out and we could listen to only our music!!! We know all the words! (cue hours of Stephen Curtis Chapman, Amy Grant - before her affair, and if things were really crazy we might even bust out Petra "Beyond Belief")
• The Arts as a whole were considered a spiritual fom of expression, so we would often have slightly less intense outreach nights by going to other like minded churches and each group could show the other some songs or skits or an interesting story using a fanciful flannelgraph.

This is where I get to call out something that I am particularly proud of: I have memorized the lines, blocking, and movement of every single character in Carmen's "The Champion". (for context, this is allegorical retelling of the Passion Story in the form of a boxing match. It features such characters as the old testament names Jeremiah, Enoch, and Job. Along with Hitler and Napoleon just to balance things out. This song is every bit as weird as it sounds and we would act this out in real-time with a ghetto-blaster belting this rock opera out in the background)
Then Sunday would start it all over again.
Now, not every week was like this. Sometimes, there might be an itinerant Apostle or Prophet in town. It would be the job of one family in our church congregation to host this individual at their home. It was considered an honour. And it wasn't super expensive, they usually only ate breakfast (and maybe a packed lunch) at your house.
In any case, if there was a prophet visiting, there would certainly be an additional evening or two where everyone could come to get a "word from the Lord".
This would involve getting up from your chair (in a revival tent style, there would be musicians playing on the stage to crank up or down the emotional tension as needed). You would then make your way to the front of the room - just in front of the stage. I say stage, I mean "platform raised 12 inches and covered in a thick carpet". You would face forward with your arms raised to about nipples height (think, carrying a flat screen and trying to raise it onto a counter. Take away the TV and you've got the position perfectly. If you want to be particularly demonstrative in your spirituality, you'd shift your hands out like it was a widescreen so that the whole congregation behind you could see your hands waiting to receive good things from God).
And then you would stand there.
Your hands held up in gentle supplication, your head bowed respectfully in patience. If the spirit moves you, you could quietly speak in tongues (it's your heavenly prayer language - a direct line of communication with the Holy Spirit - too bad you have no idea what's being said in either direction)
The prophet would eventually work his way down the line of penitents. He would place his hands on your shoulders, or gesticulate with them as if to punctuate the words and phrases of his glossolalia. Then he would pause.
He might say something like, "The Lord is looking at you child. He is waiting....... He waits for you."
Then he would pause.
His eyes, though shut, would squeeze tighter. His face would become pained (imagine a guitar soloist picking out a particularly high lick - that facial expression)
He, might then open his eyes and touch your face to look into yours. He would smile. He would say, "your heavenly father is so proud of you. While he hasn't told me the specifics, he wants me to tell you 'I'm here. With you. Tonight.' He has a plan for you. One to prosper you, and keep you in health. His eye seeks all across this land and his eye is on YOU. Let me pray for you"
Then, you would once more close your eyes. He would place his hand on your forehead (often with some scented "anointing oil" - this could be purchased in the shoppe in the lobby alongside more tracts). He would begin to speak loudly and with authority.
"I declare THIS DAY that God's hand of BLESSING be upon this child. I BIND all powers of darkness with regards to this child of God, and I LOOSE heaven's blessings upon him"
This would often wrap up with a "thank you JESUS" and a small push.
Now.
This was the point were people would be "slain in the spirit".
It was never really explained to me. It was kind of, just, part of what happened at church.
Presumably, when the PastoProphet/Healespeaker gave that small push, God's Holy Spirit would overwhelm you and you would collapse. Generally backwards. Generally, into the waiting arms of a couple of burly ushers who would the gently lay you on the ground. If you were wearing a skirt a small cotton sheet would be layed over your legs to preserve your modesty.
After several minutes of laying on the carpet (more than 2 less than 5), you would sit up, feeling the joy of the lord as your strength. You would stand up, thank the usher, and go sit in your seat once more.
This is a light taste of the weirdness I grew up in. I will say, for anyone concerned, I was never physically or sexually abused. I am also no longer in that world, though some of my family still is.
I have more and weirder stories, but I've been tapping on my tiny keyboard for way too long, so I'll wrap up my rambling summary of a relatively typical week growing up in a cult.

There was a youtube channel around 2008-2011 where it was one guy who had a series with all of the characters and backdrops made with paper. I’m pretty sure he would write music for the stories too. Some of them were bizarre (for some reason I remember spaghetti or tomato sauce being used in various videos). I also remember there being a princess or princess-like character.
I remember the creator ended the project and made a separate channel with two other guys doing skits in a shed or garage that were also pretty funny.
The guy had curly hair, he was white, and I want to say his name was something like Jonathan but I’m not too sure!

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Transformers Dark of the Moon (vudu split)
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Unfriended (MA)
Van Helsing (MA)
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War For the Planet of the Apes (MA) (redeems 4K through iTunes)
Warm Bodies (VUDU split)
What to Expect When You're Expecting (vudu split)
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Bad Grandpa Jackass Presents (split) (redeems 4K)
Battleship (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Baywatch (split) (redeems 4K)
Big Little Lies Season 1
Buttons A Christmas Tale (split)
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Daddy's Home (split redeems 4K)
Dawn of the Planet of the Apes (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Deadpool (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Despicable Me 2 (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Diary of A Wimpy Kid The Long Haul (ports to MA)
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If I Stay (redeems 4K)
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Interstellar (split redeems 4K)
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Noah (split)
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Rule #1: As Cubmaster, you are there for the kids, NOT the Adults.

• Don't be the one making all the 'Adult' announcements at the Pack meeting; let the Committee Chair or another Committee Member do that.

Rule #2: Don't touch paper!

• If something needs to be passed out or collected, let another adult do it, or assign a cub to be the "Postman" for the meeting.

Rule #3: Repetition is the key, just change the actors.

• The strategy that proved beneficial for me was establishing a routine for the Pack meetings. Each month, assign a different den to serve as the color guard, perform a skit, sing a song, and assist with cleanup afterward (like putting away chairs and picking up trash). This keeps the scouts engaged and active, ensuring they contribute to the meetings rather than just observing.

As Cubmaster you are the Master of Ceremonies for the Pack Meetings, acting as a stand-up comedian and hype person for the elementary school crowd. It’s common for many Cubmasters to take on the role of managing the entire pack—organizing activities, running meetings, planning outings, recruiting volunteers, handling dues and forms, etc. However, these responsibilities actually fall to the Committee Chair and the Pack Committee. Avoid overburdening yourself with these tasks as Cubmaster to prevent burnout.
Here's what I do for my Pack meetings
Active Participation: * Even when the scouts are seated, keep them actively involved! Avoid talking at them for more than a couple of minutes. Remember, they are in a "School" environment most of the day/ most of the week. Don't make this "School"
Routine Elements:
Announcement Song:

• Introduce a fun routine where every time someone says "announcement," everyone sings the Announcement Song. Tip: Say "announcement" at least once to kick off the song, as others will catch on, and adults will avoid using the word.

Den Yells:

• Use den yells (highly recommended), invoke them whenever the names of the dens ("Lions", "Tiger," "Bear," "Wolf," "WeBeLoS") are mentioned.

Singing:

• Include a song at each meeting, encouraging everyone to sing "Loud and Lousy" and to stand while singing.

Monthly Skits and Flag Ceremonies:

• Rotate these responsibilities among the dens, ensuring different Dens are highlighted each month.

Efficient Award Ceremonies:

• Avoid lengthy individual award presentations; instead, bring scouts up by their Den or rank group, which is more engaging and time-efficient.

Meeting Example:

• Setup: Early arrivals help set up chairs and distribute programs.
  
• Sign in: Scouts sign in by placing their name-tagged clothespins (colored by rank) into a tin can.
  
• Opening: Start on time. The Cubmaster greets everyone, explains the meeting's theme, and introduces the Wolf Den for the flag ceremony.
  
• Invocation: Followed by a brief prayer.
  
• Core Values Discussion: Explain the core value of the month and discuss its meaning with the scouts.
  
• Interactive Time Check: Cue for a group song led by a den or the Cubmaster.
  
• Awards and Applause: Use creative group movements (e.g., Tigers hop up, Wolves walk backward) and themed applauses (e.g., 'round' of applause, one big hand).
  
• Activities: Include a short activity related to the core value.
  
• Den Performances: Have a den perform a skit, followed by their award presentation with a specific type of applause (e.g., golf clap).
  
• Prize Drawing: Use a fun, interactive method to draw prizes, involving drum rolls and guessing games based on pin colors. Draw names for prizes from a selection of small gifts or the "Mysterious Bag of Mystery." (a large sack of previously unpicked prizes)
  
• Closing Announcements and Cubmaster’s Minute: End with essential announcements (sing the announcement song and let another adult make the announcements) and a thoughtful closing message.
  
• Retire the Colors: Led by one of the Dens.
  
• Ending and Cleanup: Form a circle for closing vespers, followed by a joint cleanup effort, embracing the "Leave No Trace" principle.
  

If your experience with your Pack is similar to ours, you've likely seen a few individuals juggling multiple roles. Initially, our Cubmaster also took on the duties of a popcorn kernel, Pack Trainer, and Advancement Chair. We discovered that creating specific job postings helped tremendously in recruiting volunteers. People often hesitate to volunteer because they perceive the workload as overwhelming and fear that they will be left to manage without support (Often observing others who are overextended and struggling alone). Ask for help by clearly defining each role and its responsibilities. We made the tasks seem more manageable and provided a clear outline of what was expected. This clarity encouraged more people to step forward and volunteer enthusiastically.
Here is a link to what we used: https://drive.google.com/file/d/16H2RfaRZ9G5pOHlyyuQ1XNarkhr7ukii/view?usp=sharing

Prices FIRM - CashApp/Venmo/PayPal Friends & Family
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10 Cloverfield Lane (2016) (Vudu/4K) (iTunes/4K) $5.75
12 Years a Slave (2013) (MA/HD) $3.25
1917 (2019) (MA/HD) $2
2 Guns (2013) (MA/HD) $4.75 (iTunes/HD) $3.50
21 Bridges (2019) (iTunes/4K) $3
21 Jump Street (2012) (MA/4K) $6.50 (MA/HD) $2.50
22 Jump Street (2014) (MA/4K) $7 (MA/HD) $4.25
47 Ronin (2013) (MA/4K) $5.25 (iTunes/4K) $3.75 (MA/HD) $3.50
A Hologram for the King (2016) (Vudu/HD) $5
A Simple Favor (2018) (Vudu/4K) (iTunes/4K) $5.25
A United Kingdom (2016) (MA/HD) $5
Abominable (2019) (MA/4K) $7 (MA/HD) $6.25
Ad Astra (2019) (MA/4K) $6.75 (MA/HD) $4.25
Addams Family 2 (2021) (iTunes/4K) $5.50
After (2019) (MA/HD) $5.50
After Earth (2013) (MA/HD) $2.25
Aladdin (1992) (MA/4K) $6.75 (MA/HD) $3.25 (GP/HD) $2.25
Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day (2014) (MA/HD) $4.75
Alice Through the Looking Glass (2016) (MA/HD) $5 (GP/HD) $3.50
Alita: Battle Angel (2019) (MA/4K) $5 (MA/HD) $3.25
Allied (2016) (iTunes/4K) $4.50 (Vudu/HD) $3.50
Almost Christmas (2016) (MA/HD) (iTunes/HD) $5
Alpha (2018) (MA/HD) $3.50
Amazing Spider-Man 2 (2014) (MA/HD) $5
American Assassin (2017) (Vudu/4K) (iTunes/4K) $5.50
American Made (2017) (MA/4K) $6 (MA/HD) $3.75
American Underdog (2021) (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $4.75
Anastasia (1997) (MA/HD) $6.25
Angel Has Fallen (2019) (Vudu/4K) (iTunes/4K) $5
Anna (2019) (Vudu/4K) (iTunes/4K) $4.25
Antebellum (2020) (Vudu/4K) (iTunes/4K) $5
Ant-Man (2015) (MA/4K) $6 (iTunes/4K) $5 (MA/HD) $4 (GP/HD) $2.25
Ant-Man and the Wasp (2018) (MA/4K) $7.50 (iTunes/4K) $6 (GP/HD) $3
Arnold Schwarzenegger 6-Movie (Vudu/HD) $13.50
Art of Racing in The Rain (MA/HD) $5.25
Atomic Blonde (2017) (MA/4K) $4.75 (iTunes/4K) $3.50 (MA/HD) $2.25
Avengers (2012) (MA/HD) $6.50 (GP/HD) $3.50
Avengers: Age of Ultron (2015) (MA/4K) $7.75 (MA/HD) $6 (GP/HD) $1.75
Avengers: Endgame (2019) (MA/4K) $4.50 (MA/HD) $3.75 (GP/HD) $1
Avengers: Infinity War (2018) (MA/4K) $5.25 (MA/HD) $3.75 (GP/HD) $1
Avengers: Season 5 (1967) (Vudu/HD) $5
Awkward Moment (2014) (MA/HD) $4.75
Baby Driver (2017) (MA/4K) $7.25 (MA/HD) $3.25
Bad Boys for Life (2020) (MA/4K) $5 (MA/HD) $3.25
Bad Times at The El Royale (2018) (MA/HD) $5.25
Bambi II (2006) (MA/HD) $5.75
Barb and Star Go to Vista Del Mar (2021) (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $4.75
Batman: The Doom That Came to Gotham (2022) (MA/4K) $6.50 (MA/HD) $5.50
Battle of the Sexes (2017) (MA/HD) $4
Battleship (2012) (MA/4K) $4 (MA/HD) $1.75 (iTunes/4K) $3
Baywatch (2017) (Vudu/4K) $5.75 (iTunes/4K) $2.25 (Vudu/HD) $1.25
Beauty and the Beast (2017) (MA/4K) $6.75 (MA/HD) $3.25 (GP/HD) $2
Bedknobs and Broomsticks (1971) (MA/HD) $5 (GP/HD) $3.50
Before Midnight (2013) (MA/HD) $6
Belly (1998) (Vudu/4K) $3.75
Better Off Dead (1985) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $6.50
Between Worlds (2018) (Vudu/HD) $5
Beverly Hills Cop (1984) (Vudu/4K) (iTunes/4K) $4.25
BFG, The (2016) (MA/HD) $4.75 (GP/HD) $3
Big Lebowski (1998) (MA/4K) $7 (iTunes/4K) $6 (MA/HD) $5.50
Big Wedding (2013) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $3.50
Birdman (2014) (MA/HD) $4.50
Biutiful (2010) (Vudu/HD) $5.50
Black Panther (2018) (MA/4K) $6 (MA/HD) $4.25 (GP/HD) $1.75
Black Swan (2010) (MA/HD) $5.50
Black Widow (2021) (MA/4K) $6.25 (MA/HD) $4.50 (GP/HD) $3
BlacKkKlansman (2018) (MA/HD) $5.25
Blood Father (2016) (Vudu/HD) $3.75
Bloodshot (2020) (MA/4K) $7 (MA/HD) $3.50
Blue Ruin (2014) (Vudu/HD) $5
Bohemian Rhapsody (2018) (MA/4K) $4.75 (MA/HD) $3
Bond: Spectre (2015) (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $5.25
Book of Henry (2017) (MA/HD) (iTunes/HD) $5.50
Booksmart (2019) (MA/HD) $5.25
Boss Baby (2017) (MA/HD) $1.25
Brave (2012) (MA/4K) $8 (iTunes/4K) $6.25 (GP/HD) $4.50
Braveheart (1995) (Vudu/4K) (iTunes/4K) $6 (Vudu/HD) $4.50
Breach (2020) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $5.25
Breakthrough (2019) (MA/4K) $6
Breathe (2017) (MA/HD) $5.75
Bridge of Spies (2015) (MA/HD) $5 (GP/HD) $3.50
Bridget Jones's Diary (2001) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $4
Brooklyn (2015) (MA/HD) (iTunes/4K) $5.50
Bumblebee (2018) (Vudu/4K) $4.25 (Vudu/HD) $1.75 (iTunes/4K) $2
Call of the Wild (2020) (MA/4K) $6.75 (MA/HD) $1.50 (GP/HD) $1.25
Captain America: Civil War (2016) (MA/4K) $6 (iTunes/4K) $4.75 (GP/HD) $2.25
Captain America: The First Avenger (2011) (MA/4K) $8 (MA/HD) $6.50 (GP/HD) $4.50
Captain America: Winter Soldier (2014) (MA/4K) $7.25 (iTunes/4K) $5.75 (GP/HD) $2.25
Captain Marvel (2019) (MA/4K) $4.75 (iTunes/4K) $4 (GP/HD) $1.75
Card Counter, The (2021) (MA/HD) $4.75
Case for Christ, The (2017) (MA/HD) (iTunes/HD) $4.50
Casino (1995) (MA/4K) $6.50
Casper (1995) (MA/HD) (iTunes/HD) $5.75
Central Intelligence (Unrated) (MA/4K) $6.50
Change-Up, The (2011) (Unrated) (2011) (iTunes/HD) Ports to MA $5.50
Charlie's Angels (2000) (MA/4K) $7.25
Choice, The (2016) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $3
Christopher Robin (2018) (MA/HD) $4.75 (GP/HD) $3.50
Cinderella (1950) (MA/4K) $7 (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $5.75 (GP/HD) $3.75
Cinderella (2015) (MA/4K) $7.50 (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $5.50 (GP/HD) $2.50
Cinderella II: Dreams Come True (2002) (MA/HD) $6.50 (GP/HD) $5
Cinderella III: A Twist in Time (2007) (MA/HD) $6.50 (GP/HD) $5
Clerks II (Vudu/HD) $5.75
Clifford the Big Red Dog (2021) (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $3.50
Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs 2 (2013) (MA/HD) $3.50
Cocaine Bear (2023) (MA/4K) $7 (MA/HD) $5.50
Cold Pursuit (2019) (Vudu/4K) $6.50 (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $3
Coming to America (1988) (Vudu/4K) $4.25 (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $3.25
Concussion (2015) (MA/HD) $2.75
Contractor (2022) (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $4.25
Creed III (2023) (Vudu/4K) $6.75 (Vudu/HD) $4.75
Croods (2013) (MA/HD) $3
Croods: A New Age (2020) (MA/HD) $4.75
Crow, The (1994) (Vudu/HD) $5.75
Cult of Chucky (Unrated) (2017) (MA/HD) $3.50
Daddy's Home 2 (2017) (Vudu/4K) $4.25 (iTunes/4K) $2 (Vudu/HD) $2.25
Dark Crystal (1982) (MA/4K) $6.50
Darkest Minds, The (2018) (MA/HD) $4.25
DC League of Super-Pets (2022) (MA/4K) $7
Dead Man Down (2013) (MA/HD) $4.50
Deadpool (2016) (MA/4K) $6 (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $1.75
Deadpool 2 (2018) (MA/HD) $2
Dear Evan Hansen (2021) (MA/HD) $3.75
Detective Knight: Independence (2022) (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $5.75
Detroit (2017) (iTunes/4K) Ports to MA $4.50
Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Dog Days (2012) (MA/HD) $3.75
Die Hard 1-5 (MA/HD) $15 $4.75 Each
Dirty Dancing (1987) (Vudu/4K) $4.75 (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $4.25
DisneyNature: Bears (2014) (MA/HD) $5.50
Do the Right Thing (1989) (MA/4K) $5.75
Doctor Strange (2016) (MA/4K) $6.50 (iTunes/4K) $4 (MA/HD) $3.50 (GP/HD) $1.75
Dora and the Lost City of Gold (2019) (Vudu/HD) $5 (iTunes/4K) $4.25
Downton Abbey (2019) (MA/HD) $5
Dr. Seuss' The Lorax (2012) (MA/HD) $3 (iTunes/HD) $2.25
Dredd (2012) (Vudu/4K) $6.50 (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $3.25
Dumb Money (2023) (MA/HD) $5.50
E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial (1982) (MA/4K) $5.75 (iTunes/4K) $5 (MA/HD) $3
Early Man (2018) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $4.75
Edward Scissorhands (1990) (MA/HD) $2
Elvis (2022) (MA/4K) $5.75
Elysium (2013) & District 9 (2009) (MA/HD) $7.25
Elysium (2013) (MA/4K) $7 (MA/HD) $3
Emoji Movie (2017) (MA/HD) $2.25
Empire Records (1995) (MA/HD) $5.75
Enough Said (2013) (MA/HD) $3
Equalizer 2 (2018) (MA/4K) $6.50 (MA/HD) $4
Escape from L.A (1996) (Vudu/4K) (iTunes/4K) $5.50
Escape from Planet Earth (2013) (Vudu/HD) $4.50
Eternals (2021) (MA/4K) $6.75 (MA/HD) $4.25 (GP/HD) $2.75
Everest (2015) (MA/4K) $6 (MA/HD) $3 (iTunes/4K) $4
Extreme Prejudice (1987) (Vudu/HD) $5
F9: The Fast Saga + Director's Cut (2021) (MA/4K) $6.75 (MA/HD) $4.75
Far from the Madding Crowd (2015) (MA/HD) $5.50
Fatherhood (2021) (MA/HD) $3.50
Fences (2016) (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $1.75
Ferdinand (2017) (MA/HD) $3.25
Fifth Element (1997) (MA/HD) $5.50
Fifty Shades of Grey + Unrated (2015) (MA/4K) $5.25 Unrated (MA/4K) $4.75
Finding Nemo (2003) (MA/4K) $6.75 (iTunes/4K) $5.25 (GP/HD) $3
Finest Hours, The (2016) (MA/HD) $6.25 (GP/HD) $3.75
First Man (2018) (MA/4K) $6.50 (MA/HD) $4
Footloose (2011) (Vudu/HD) $5 (iTunes/HD) $3.50
Ford v Ferrari (2019) (MA/HD) $4.50
Forrest Gump (1994) (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $5.50
Foxcatcher (2014) (MA/HD) $3.75
Frankenstein (1931) (MA/4K) $6.25
French Dispatch (2021) (MA/HD) $4.75 (GP/HD) $3.50
Fright Night (1985) (MA/4K) $5.75
Frozen (2013) (MA/4K) $5.50 (MA/HD) $3.50 (GP/HD) $1.50
Frozen 2 (2019) (MA/4K) $4.50 (MA/HD) $4 (GP/HD) $1.75
Future World (2018) (Vudu/HD) $4
G.I. Joe: Retaliation (2013) (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $3.75
Gamer (2009) (Vudu/4K) $6.25 (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $5.50
Gangs of New York (2002) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $5.25
Gate, The (1987) (Vudu/SD) $4
Gattaca (1997) (MA/4K) $6.25
Gemini Man (2019) (Vudu/4K) $5.25 (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $2.25
Get Out (2017) (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $3.50
Ghost In The Shell (2017) (Vudu/4K) $6.25 (Vudu/HD) $2.25 (iTunes/4K) $2.75
Ghostbusters (1984) (MA/4K) $7 (MA/HD) $3.50
Ghostbusters + Extended (2016) (MA/HD) $2.50
Ghostbusters: Afterlife (2021) (MA/HD) $3.50
Gifted (2017) (MA/HD) $4.50
Girl In The Spider's Web (2018) (MA/HD) $4
Girl with All the Gifts, The (2016) (Vudu/HD) $5
Girl with the Dragon Tattoo (2011) (MA/HD) $6
Girls Trip (2017) (MA/HD) $1.50 (iTunes/HD) $1
Gladiator (2000) (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $5
Glass (2019) (MA/HD) $4.50
Godfather Part II (1974) (Vudu/4K) (iTunes/4K) $6.50
Gone Girl (2014) (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $5.50
Goonies (1985) (MA/4K) $6.50
Goosebumps (2015) (MA/HD) $4.75
Grand Budapest Hotel (2014) (MA/HD) $3.75
Green Knight (2021) (Vudu/4K) $5.25
Grey, The (2012) (MA/HD) (iTunes/HD) $3.50
Guardians of the Galaxy (2014) (MA/4K) $7.25 (iTunes/4K) $4.75 (MA/HD) $4 (GP/HD) $1.75
Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 (2017) (MA/HD) $4.25 (GP/HD) $1.25
Guilt Trip (2012) (Vudu/HD) $3.50 (iTunes/HD) $1.75
Hacksaw Ridge (2016) (Vudu/4K) $4.25 (iTunes/4K) $3.50 (Vudu/HD) $2.25
Half Brothers (2020) (MA/HD) $5.75
Halloween H20: 20 Years Later (1998), The Curse of Michael Myers (1995), Resurrection (2002) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $10.50
Halloween Kills (2021) (MA/4K) $6 (MA/HD) $4
Hands of Stone (2016) (Vudu/HD) $3.50
Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters (2013) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $2.50
Happy Death Day (2017) (MA/4K) $6.50 (MA/HD) $5.50
Hateful Eight (2015) (Vudu/HD) $2
Haunting in Connecticut (2009) (Vudu/HD) $6.25
Heat: Director's Definitive Edition (1995) (MA/4K) $5.75 (MA/HD) $4.75
Hellboy (2019) (Vudu/4K) (iTunes/4K) $4.25
Hercules (1997) (MA/HD) $6.50
Hereditary (2018) (Vudu/HD) $3.50
Hidden Figures (2016) (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $2
Highlander (1986) (Vudu/4K) $4.50
Hitman (Unrated) (2007) (MA/HD) $6
Hitman's Bodyguard (2017) (Vudu/4K) $6 (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $4.25
Hocus Pocus (1993) (MA/4K) $6.75 (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $4.75 (GP/HD) $2.25
Holmes And Watson (2018) (MA/HD) $3.50
Home Alone (1990) (MA/HD) $3.75
Hop (2011) (MA/HD) (iTunes/HD) $3
Hotel Mumbai (2019) (MA/HD) $4.25
Hotel Transylvania 3: Summer Vacation (2018) (MA/4K) $6.75 (MA/HD) $5
House with a Clock in Its Walls (2018) (MA/4K) $5.50 (MA/HD) $3.50
How to Train Your Dragon 2 (2014) (MA/HD) $2
How to Train Your Dragon: The Hidden World (2019) (MA/4K) $6.25 (MA/HD) $3.75
Hugo (2011) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $3.50
Hulk, The (2003) (iTunes/HD) Ports to MA $6
Hunchback of Notre Dame (1996) (MA/HD) $6.50 (GP/HD) $5
Hunchback of Notre Dame II (2002) (MA/HD) $6.50 (GP/HD) $5
Hunter Killer (2018) (Vudu/4K) $5.25 (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $3
Huntsman: Winter's War - Extended Edition (2016) (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $2.75
Hurricane Heist (2018) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/4K) $3.50
I, Tonya (2017) (MA/HD) $5
Ice Age (2002) (MA/HD) $4.25
Ice Age: Continental Drift (2012) (MA/HD) $4.25
Identity Thief (2013) (iTunes/HD) Ports to MA $3.50
If Beale Street Could Talk (2018) (MA/HD) $5.25
Impossible, The (2013) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $4.75
Incredibles 2 (2018) (MA/4K) $6.25 (iTunes/4K) $4.50 (GP/HD) $2
Independence Day: Resurgence (2014) (iTunes/4K) $2 (MA/HD) $1.50
Indivisible (2018) (MA/HD) $5
Infinite (2021) (Vudu/4K) $5.50 (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $4.50
Inside Out (2015) (MA/4K) $5.75 (iTunes/4K) $4.25 (GP/HD) $1.50
Insidious: Chapter 2 (2013) (MA/HD) $6.50
Insidious: The Last Key (2018) (MA/HD) $5.50
Insidious: The Red Door (2023) (MA/HD) $5.25
Instant Family (2018) (Vudu/HD) $2 (iTunes/4K) $1.50
Insurgent (2015) (Vudu/4K) (iTunes/4K) $4 (Vudu/HD) $3.50
Interstellar (2014) (Vudu/4K) (iTunes/4K) $5.75 (Vudu/HD) $3.75
Invisible Man (2020) (MA/4K) $6.25 (MA/HD) $3.75
Iron Man (2008) (MA/4K) $7.25 (iTunes/4K) $7 (GP/HD) $3
Iron Man 2 (2010) (MA/4K) $7.25 (iTunes/4K) $6.50 (GP/HD) $3
Iron Man 3 (2013) (iTunes/4K) $3 (MA/HD) $2.25 (GP/HD) $1.50
Iron Man and Hulk: Heroes United (2013) (MA/HD) $5.25 (GP/HD) $4.25
Irresistible (2020) (MA/HD) $5.25
It Comes at Night (2017) (Vudu/HD) $5.50
It Follows (2015) (Vudu/HD) $4.25
It's a Wonderful Life (1946) (Vudu/4K) $5 (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $4.50
Jack and Jill (2011) (MA/HD) $3.50
Jack Reacher: Never Go Back (2016) (Vudu/4K) $5.25 (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $2.75
Jackie (2016) (MA/HD) (iTunes/4K) $4
Jason Bourne (2016) (MA/4K) $5.25 (iTunes/4K) $3.50 (MA/HD) $3
Jason X (2001) (MA/HD) $6
Jaws (1975) (MA/4K) $5.75 (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $4.50
Jay & Silent Bob Reboot (2019) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $5
Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back (2001) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $5.50
Jesus Music, The (2021) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $4.50
Joe (2014) (Vudu/HD) $5
John Wick: Chapter 3 - Parabellum (2019) (Vudu/4K) (iTunes/4K) $4
Jumanji: The Next Level (2019) (MA/HD) $5.25
Jumanji: Welcome To The Jungle (2017) (MA/4K) $5 (MA/HD) $2 (MA/SD) $1
Jungle Cruise (2021) (MA/4K) $5.50 (MA/HD) $3.75 (GP/HD) $3
Jurassic Park: The Lost World (1997) (MA/4K) $6.50 (iTunes/4K) $3.50 (MA/HD) $2.75
Kandahar (2023) (MA/4K) $7
Karate Kid (1984) (MA/4K) $6.50
Katy Perry: Part of Me (2012) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $3.50
Keeping Up with the Joneses (2016) (MA/HD) $3.50
Kick-Ass (2010) (Vudu/4K) (iTunes/4K) $5.25
Kick-Ass 2 (2013) (MA/HD) $5.25 (iTunes/HD) $5
Kicks (2016) (iTunes/HD) Ports to MA $4.50
Kid Who Would Be King (2019) (MA/HD) $4.50
Kid, The (2019) (Vudu/4K) (iTunes/4K) $4.75
Kill Bill: Vol. 1 (2003) (Vudu/HD) $6.75
Killing Kennedy (2013) (MA/HD) $6
Kingsglaive: Final Fantasy XV (2016) (MA/4K) $7
Kingsman: The Golden Circle (2017) (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $2.75
Kingsman: The Secret Service (2015) (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $4.25
Knives Out (2019) (Vudu/4K) (iTunes/4K) $5
Knocked Up (Unrated) (2007) (MA/HD) (iTunes/HD) $5.50
L.A. Confidential (1997) (MA/HD) $5.75
Labor Day (2013) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $4.50
Last Duel, The (2021) (MA/HD) $5.25 (GP/HD) $4
Last Night in Soho (2021) (MA/4K) $6.50 (MA/HD) $5.25
Last Word (2017) (iTunes/HD) Ports to MA $4.75
Lawrence of Arabia (Restored Version) (1962) (MA/HD) $5
Leap! (2017) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $3.25
Les Miserables (2012) (MA/HD) (iTunes/HD) $2.75
Life of Pi (2012) (MA/HD) $2.50
Lion King 2: Simba's Pride (1998) (MA/HD) $6.25
Little Mermaid (1989) (MA/4K) $7 (iTunes/4K) $5 (GP/HD) $3.25
Little Mermaid III: Ariel’s Beginning (2008) (MA/HD) $6.50 (GP/HD) $5
Logan (2017) (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $2.50
Lone Survivor (2013) (MA/4K) $6.25 (iTunes/4K) $2 (MA/HD) $1.50
Long Shot (2019) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/4K) $4.25
Longest Ride (2015) (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $1.25
Looper (2012) (MA/4K) $5.25 (MA/HD) $2.75
Lords of Salem, The (2012) (Vudu/HD) $4.75
Lucy (2014) (MA/HD) $2
Ma (2019) (MA/4K) $6.50 (MA/HD) $5
Madagascar 3: Europe's Most Wanted (2012) (MA/HD) $2
Maleficent (2014) (MA/4K) $5.50 (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $3 (GP/HD) $1.25
Maleficent: Mistress of Evil (2019) (MA/4K) $6 (iTunes/4K) $3.75 (GP/HD) $3.25
Mamma Mia! Here We Go Again (2018) (MA/4K) $6.50
Man on a Ledge (2012) (Vudu/4K) (iTunes/4K) $6.25
Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh (1977) (MA/HD) $6.50
Marksman, The (2021) (MA/HD) $5
Martian (Theatrical) (2015) (MA/4K) $7 (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $3
Maze Runner (2014) (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $5.25
Maze Runner: The Death Cure (2018) (MA/HD) $5.50
McFarland, USA (2015) (MA/HD) $6 (GP/HD) $4.50
Megan Leavey (2017) (MA/HD) (iTunes/HD) $1.75
MIB: International (2019) (MA/4K) $5.50 (MA/HD) $4.50
Midsommar (2019) (Vudu/HD) $5.50
Midway (2019) (Vudu/4K) (iTunes/4K) $3.75
Mile 22 (2018) (iTunes/4K) $1.75
Mile 22 (2018) (Vudu/4K) $7
Million Dollar Arm (2014) (MA/HD) $4 (GP/HD) $3
Minions (2015) (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $2.50
Missing Link (2019) (MA/HD) $5
Mission: Impossible – Dead Reckoning Part One (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/4K) $7
Mission: Impossible Fallout (2018) (Vudu/4K) $2.75 (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $2.50
Moana (2016) (MA/4K) $7 (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $4.50 (GP/HD) $1.75
Monster Trucks (2016) (Vudu/HD) $2.25
Monster's Ball (2001) (Vudu/HD) $6
Monsters University (2013) (MA/4K) $6.75 (iTunes/4K) $5.75 (GP/HD) $3.50
Monty Python's The Meaning of Life (1983) (MA/4K) $6.75
Moonlight (2016) (Vudu/HD) $3.75
Mortal Engines (2018) (MA/4K) $6.50 (MA/HD) $3.50
Mortal Instruments: City of Bones (2014) (MA/HD) $3.25
Mother! (2017) (Vudu/HD) $3.25
Mr. Peabody & Sherman (2014) (MA/HD) $3.50
Mulan (1998) (MA/4K) $6.75 (MA/HD) $5 (GP/HD) $3
Mummy (1999), Returns (2001), Tomb of the Dragon Emperor (2008), Scorpion King (2002), Mummy (2017) (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $22
Mummy, The (2017) (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $2.75
Muppets Most Wanted (2014) (MA/HD) $5.75 (GP/HD) $4.25
Murder on The Orient Express (2017) (MA/HD) $2.50
My Dinner with Herve (2018) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $4.50 (GP/HD) $3
My Fair Lady (1964) (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $5.50
Nebraska (2013) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $2.25
Never Grow Old (2019) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $4.50
Night House, The (2021) (MA/HD) $5 (GP/HD) $3
Nightmare Before Christmas (1993) (MA/HD) $6 (GP/HD) $3.50
No Country For Old Men (2007) (Vudu/HD) $5.50
No Hard Feelings (2023) (MA/HD) $5.50
No Time to Die (2021) (iTunes/4K) $3.50
Non-Stop (2014) (MA/HD) (iTunes/HD) $2.75
Norm of the North (2016) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $2.75
Nutcracker and the Four Realms (2018) (MA/4K) $5.75 (MA/HD) $3
Oblivion (2013) (MA/4K) $7 (iTunes/4K) $3.50 (MA/HD) $2
Office Christmas Party (2016) (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $2.25
Old (2021) (MA/4K) $7 (MA/HD) $4.25
Oliver! (1968) (MA/4K) $6.50
Olympus Has Fallen (2013) (MA/HD) $5
Once Upon A Time... In Hollywood (2019) (MA/4K) $6.75 (MA/HD) $4.25
One Direction: This is Us + Extended Fan Edition (2013) (MA/HD) $3.25
Onward (2020) (MA/4K) $5.25 (MA/HD) $3.75 (GP/HD) $2
Ouija (2014) & Origin of Evil (2016) (MA/HD) (iTunes/HD) $8
Ouija (2014) (MA/HD) (iTunes/HD) $2.50
Overboard (2016) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $5.50
Oz the Great and Powerful (2013) (MA/HD) $2 (GP/HD) $1
Pain & Gain (2013) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $3
Paper Towns (2011) (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $4.25
ParaNorman (2012) (iTunes/HD) $5
Parasite (2019) (MA/4K) $6.50 (MA/HD) $4.50
Paterno (2018) (iTunes/HD) $4.25 (GP/HD) $2.75
Patriot Games (1992) (Vudu/4K) (iTunes/4K) $5
Paul (2011) (iTunes/HD) Ports to MA $4.25
Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 (2015) (MA/HD) $3.75
Peppermint (2018) (iTunes/HD) $2
Percy Jackson & the Olympians: The Lightning Thief (2010) (MA/HD) $6.75
Percy Jackson: Sea of Monsters (2013) (MA/HD) $2.25
Perfect Guy (2015) (MA/HD) $3.50
Pet Sematary (1989) (Vudu/4K) $5.50 (iTunes/4K) $4 (Vudu/HD) $3.75
Pet Sematary (2019) (Vudu/4K) $4 (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $2.50
Peter Rabbit 2 (2021) (MA/HD) $4
Philadelphia (1993) (MA/4K) $8
Pinocchio (1940) (MA/HD) $5.50 (GP/HD) $3.75
Pitch Perfect (2012) (MA/HD) $2.50 (iTunes/4K) $3.50
Pixar Short Films Collection, Vol. 3 (2018) (MA/HD) $5.25 (GP/HD) $3.25
Planes (2013) (MA/HD) $2.25 (GP/HD) $1.25
Pocahontas II: Journey to a New World (1998) (MA/HD) $5.50 (GP/HD) $3.25
Poltergeist (Extended Cut) (2015) (MA/HD) $5
Pompeii (2014) (MA/HD) $3.25
Poms (2019) (iTunes/HD) $2.50
Pretty in Pink (1986) (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $4.50
Pride and Prejudice and Zombies (2016) (MA/HD) $6
Princess and the Frog (2009) (MA/4K) $7 (iTunes/4K) $5.50 (GP/HD) $3.25
Prodigy (2019) (Vudu/HD) $5
Prometheus (2012) (MA/HD) $1.75
Public Enemies (2009) (MA/HD) (iTunes/HD) $6.25
Pulp Fiction (1994) (Vudu/4K) (iTunes/4K) $5.25 (Vudu/HD) $4
Purge, The (2013) (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $2.75
Purge: Anarchy (2014) (MA/4K) $5.50 (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $4.25
Puss in Boots (2011) & The Last Wish (2022) (MA/HD) $10.50
Quantum of Solace (2008) (Vudu/HD) $5.75
R.I.P.D. (2013) (MA/4K) $6.50 (MA/HD) (iTunes/HD) $3
Raid Collection 1-2 (MA/HD) $11.50
Ralph Breaks the Internet (2018) (MA/4K) $5 (MA/HD) $4.25 (GP/HD) $1.50
Rambo Last Blood (Vudu/4K) (iTunes/4K) $2.75
Rampage (2018) (MA/4K) $6.50
Ready or Not (2019) (MA/HD) $6.50
Rear Window (1954) (MA/HD) $5
Rebel Without a Cause (1955) (MA/4K) $7
Red Sparrow (2018) (MA/HD) $4
Red Violin, The (1998) (Vudu/HD) $5
Replicas (2019) (Vudu/4K) $5.25
Rescuers Down Under (1990) (MA/HD) $5.75 (GP/HD) $4
Rescuers, The (1977) (MA/HD) $5.75 (GP/HD) $4
Reservoir Dogs (1992) (Vudu/4K) (iTunes/4K) $5
Resident Evil: Retribution (2012) (MA/HD) $2.25
Resident Evil: The Final Chapter (2017) (MA/4K) $6.50 (MA/HD) $3
Ricki And The Flash (2015) (MA/HD) $4.50
Ride Along 1-2 (MA/HD) (iTunes/HD) $5 $2.75 Each
Rio 2 (2014) (MA/HD) $2
Rise of the Guardians (2012) (MA/HD) $3
Risen (2016) (MA/HD) $4.50
Robin Hood (2010) (MA/4K) $6
Robin Hood (2018) (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $3
Robin Hood (Animated) (1973) (MA/HD) $3.75 (GP/HD) $2.75
Rocketman (2019) (Vudu/4K) $4.25 (iTunes/4K) $2.50 (Vudu/HD) $2.25
Rocky Horror Picture Show (1975) (MA/HD) $5.25
Ron's Gone Wrong (2021) (MA/4K) $7 (MA/HD) $5.25 (GP/HD) $3.50
Room (2015) (Vudu/HD) $4.25
Rush (2013) (iTunes/HD) Ports to MA $3.25
Safe House (2012) (MA/HD) $3.50 (iTunes/HD) $2.50
Same Kind of Different as Me (2017) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $2
Sausage Party (2016) (MA/HD) $4.75
Saw (2004) (Vudu/4K) (iTunes/4K) $5.25
Scarface (1983) (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $5
Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark (2019) (Vudu/4K) (iTunes/4K) $3
Schindler's List (1993) (MA/HD) $4.50
Scouts Guide to the Zombie Apocalypse (2015) (iTunes/HD) $2.75
Scream 5 (2022) (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $5.25
Scream 6 (2023) (Vudu/4K) $7 (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $6.50
Second Act (2018) (iTunes/HD) $1.50
Secret Life of Pets 2 (2019) (MA/4K) $6.25 (MA/HD) $5.25
Seeking a Friend for the End of the World (2012) (iTunes/HD) Ports to MA $4.50
Sex Tape (2014) (MA/HD) $3
Shack (2017) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $1.50
Shallows, The (2016) (MA/4K) $6.50 (MA/HD $3.50
Shang-Chi (2021) (MA/4K) $6 (MA/HD) $4.75 (GP/HD) $2.75
Shaun the Sheep Movie (2015) (Vudu/HD) $3.75
Sherlock Gnomes (2018) (iTunes/4K) $2.25
Shrek (2001), Madagascar (2005), Home (2015), Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron (2003), How to Train Your Dragon (2010), Croods (2013), Kung Fu Panda (2008), Boss Baby (2017), Abominable (2019), Trolls (2016) (MA/HD) $16
Sideways (2004) (MA/HD) $5.75
Sing (2016) (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $2.50
Sisters (Unrated) (2015) (MA/HD) $4 (iTunes/HD) $3.25
Skyscraper (2018) (MA/4K) $5 (MA/HD) $1.75
Sleeping Beauty (1959) (MA/HD) $3.50 (GP/HD) $2.50
Slender Man (2018) (MA/HD) $5.25
Smokey and the Bandit (1977) (MA/4K) $6 (MA/HD) $4.50
Smokin' Aces (2007) (MA/4K) $6 (iTunes/4K) $5.50
Smurfs 2 (2013) (MA/HD) $3
Snake Eyes (2021) (Vudu/4K) $6.75 (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $4
Snatched (2017) (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $1
Snowman (2017) (MA/HD) $2.75
Snowpiercer (2013) (Vudu/HD) $5.50
Son of God (2014) (MA/HD) $1.50
Sonic the Hedgehog (2020) (Vudu/4K) $6.25 (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $4
Speed (1994) (MA/4K) $5.25
Spell (2020) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/4K) $5
Spider-Man: Far From Home (2019) (MA/4K) $6.50 (MA/HD) $3.50
Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017) (MA/4K) $7.50 (MA/HD) $1.75
Spiral (Vudu/4K) (iTunes/4K) $5.25
Split (2017) (MA/4K) $6.25 (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $2.75
Spy Who Dumped Me (2018) (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $4
Stand Up Guys (2012) (Vudu/HD) $2.75
Star Trek Into Darkness (2013) (Vudu/HD) $1.75 (iTunes/4K) $3.25
Star, The (2017) (MA/HD) $4
Still Alice (2015) (MA/HD) $3.25
Straight Outta Compton (Unrated Director’s Cut) (2015) (MA/HD) (iTunes/HD) $2.50
Stronger (2017) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $4.50
Stuber (2019) (MA/HD) $5.25
Studio 666 (2022) (MA/4K) $7 (MA/HD) $6.25
Suburbicon (2017) (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $3.25
Sum of All Fears, The (2002) (Vudu/4K) (iTunes/4K) $5.25
Super 8 (2011) (Vudu/4K) $5.50 (Vudu/HD) $3.25 (iTunes/4K) $5
Super Mario Bros Movie (2023) (MA/4K) $7.25 (MA/HD) $5.50
Survive the Night (2020) (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $2.75
SW: A New Hope (1977) (MA/4K) $7 (GP/HD) $3.50
SW: Empire Strikes Back (1980) (MA/4K) $7 (GP/HD) $3.50
SW: Force Awakens (2015) (MA/4K) $5.25 (iTunes/4K) $3.50 (GP/HD) $1
SW: Last Jedi (2017) (MA/4K) $5.75 (iTunes/4K) $3.75 (GP/HD) $1
SW: Phantom Menace (1999) (MA/4K) $7.50 (GP/HD) $3.50
SW: Return of the Jedi (1983) (MA/4K) $7.25 (GP/HD) $3.50
SW: Rise of Skywalker (2019) (MA/4K) $6 (iTunes/4K) $4.75 (GP/HD) $2.25
SW: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016) (iTunes/4K) $3.75 (GP/HD) $1.25
SW: Solo: A Star Wars Story (2018) (iTunes/4K) $5 (GP/HD) $3.50
Ted (2012) (Unrated) (MA/HD) (iTunes/HD) $3.75
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2014) (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $3
Terminator: Genisys (2015) (Vudu/HD) $1.75 (iTunes/4K) $3
Think Like a Man (2012) & Too (2014) (MA/HD) $8.50
This Is The End (2013) (MA/HD) $4.75
Thor: The Dark World (2013) (MA/4K) $7 (iTunes/4K) $4.50 (GP/HD) $2.25
Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri (2017) (MA/HD) $3.50
Ticket to Paradise (2022) (MA/HD) $5.75
TMNT Out of the Shadows (2016) (iTunes/4K) $4
To Kill a Mockingbird (1962) (MA/4K) $5.75 (iTunes/HD) $4.50
Tomorrowland (2015) (MA/HD) $5.50 (GP/HD) $3.50
Top Five (2014) (iTunes/HD) $3.50
Top Gun (1986) (Vudu/4K) $4.75 (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $3.50
Total Recall (1990) (Vudu/4K) $5 (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $4.75
Training Day (2001) (MA/4K) $6
Trainwreck (2015) (iTunes/HD) Ports to MA $1.50
Trolls World Tour (2020) (MA/HD) $5.25
Turbo (2013) (MA/HD) $2.50 (iTunes/SD) $1
Turning, The (2020) (MA/HD) $5.25
Underwater (2020) (MA/HD) $5.50
Unhinged (2020) (Vudu/HD) $4.75
Untouchables, The (1987) (Vudu/4K) (iTunes/4K) $5.50
Upgrade (2018) (MA/HD) $7
Upside, The (2017) (iTunes/HD) $2
Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets (2017) (Vudu/HD) $3.75
Van Helsing (2004) (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $4.50
Venom (2018) (MA/4K) $6.50 (MA/HD) $3
Vice (2015) 'Bruce Willis' (Vudu/HD) $2.50
Vice 'Christian Bale' (2018) (MA/HD) $4.75
Victor Frankenstein (2015) (MA/HD) (iTunes/4K) $5.50
Vivo (2021) (MA/HD) $4.25
Vow, The (2012) (MA/HD) $3.25
Voyagers (2021) (Vudu/4K) (iTunes/4K) $6.25
Walk, The (2015) (MA/HD) $4.25
Walking with Dinosaurs (2013) (MA/HD) (iTunes/HD) $2.50
War for the Planet of the Apes (2017) (MA/4K) $6.75 (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $2.75
Warcraft (2016) (MA/4K) $4.75 (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $2.25
Watchmen: The Ultimate Cut (2009) (MA/4K) $6.50
Way, Way Back, The (2013) (MA/HD) $4.75
What Men Want (2019) (Vudu/HD) $1.75 (iTunes/4K) $1.25
When the Bough Breaks (2016) (MA/HD) $4.50
When the Game Stands Tall (2014) (MA/HD) $4.25
Whiplash (2014) (MA/HD) $5.50
White House Down (2013) (MA/HD) $3.25
Widows (2018) (MA/4K) $6.50 (MA/HD) $2
Witch, The (2016) (Vudu/HD) $3.50
Wolf of Wall Street (2013) (Vudu/4K) $6 (iTunes/4K) $4 (Vudu/HD) $3.50
Woman in Gold (2015) (Vudu/HD) $2.75
Wonder (2017) (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $3
Wonder Park (2019) (Vudu/HD) $3.50 (iTunes/4K) $2.25
Woodlawn (2015) (MA/HD) (iTunes/HD) $3.50
World War Z (2013) (Vudu/HD) $3.25 (iTunes/4K) $4.50
X-Men: Apocalypse (2016) (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $2.25
Yesterday (2019) (MA/4K) $7 (MA/HD) $4.75

* I split all splitable codes; so, please ONLY redeem what we agree upon. Thanks in advance!
DISNEY HD SPLIT CODES (port to MA)
Aladdin 1992 Animated (GP)
Aladdin Live Action 4K (MA) or HD (GP)
Ant-man (GP) or (MA)
Atlantis The Lost Empire (MA)
Atlantis Milos Return (MA)
Avengers Age of Ultron (GP)
Avengers Infinity War 4K (MA) or HD (GP)
Big Hero Six (iTunes) (redeems 4K)
Black Panther: Wakanda Forever (GP)
Brother Bear 1 (MA)
Brother Bear 2 (MA)
Captain America The Winter Soldier (GP)
Cars 3 (GP)
Cinderella 2015 (iTunes) (redeems 4K) or HD (GP)
Finding Dory (iTunes) (redeems 4K)
Frozen (GP) or (MA) (redeems 4K through iTunes)
Frozen Sing a Long Edition (GP) or (MA)
Guardians of the Galaxy Vol 1 (GP)
Guardians of the Galaxy Vol 2 (MA) 4K
Inside Out (iTunes) (redeems 4K)
Into The Woods (GP) or (MA)
Iron Man 3 (iTunes) (redeems 4K) or HD (GP)
Jungle Book 1967 (GP)
Lightyear (GP)
The Lion King Animated (MA) 4K
Maleficent (iTunes) (redeems 4K) or HD (GP)
Mary Poppins 1964 (GP) or (MA)
Mary Poppins Returns (iTunes) (redeems 4K)
Oz The Great and Powerful (GP) or (MA)
Planes (GP) or (MA)
Planes Fire and Rescue (MA) or (GP)
Saving Mr Banks (GP)
Spies in Disguise (GP)
Star Wars The Force Awakens (GP) or (MA) (iTunes redeems 4K)
Star Wars The Last Jedi (MA) 4K
Strange World (GP)
Super Buddies (GP)
The Good Dinosaur (iTunes) (redeems 4K)
The Lone Ranger (GP) or (MA)
The Nightmare Before Christmas (GP)
The Pirate Fairy (GP) or (MA)
Thor (GP)
Thor Love and Thunder HD (GP) or (MA 4K)
Thor The Dark World (GP)
Tinkerbell and the Legend of the Neverbeast (GP)
Toy Story of Terror (GP)
Zootopia (iTunes) (redeems 4K)
SONY BUFF PASS x1 (Choose 1 of the following options...)
My Girl 4K
Hancock 4K
Stripes 4K
The Blob 1988 HD
Blue Thunder HD
Born Yesterday HD
Bye Bye Birdie HD
Guess Who HD
Stir Crazy HD
Untraceable HD
HD CODES (VUDU or MA)
007 Skyfall (vudu/GP)
47 Ronin (MA)
A Dogs Purpose (MA)
A Good Day To Die Hard Extended (MA)
A Quiet Place (VUDU HD/iTunes 4K)
About Time (MA) split
Alex Cross (Vudu) split
American Girl Grace Stirs Up Success (MA)
American Girl Isabella Dances into the Spotlight (MA)
American Girl McKenna Shoots for the Stars (MA)
American Made 2017 (MA)
American Reunion Unrated (MA)
Anchorman 2 (VUDU split)
Animal House Natinoal Lampoons (MA) split
Annihilation (Vudu) split
Apollo 13 (MA) split
Atlas Shrugger Part 3 (MA)
August Osage County (Vudu)
Bad Grandpa: Jackass Presents (VUDU split)
Barbie and her Sisters in a Pony Tale (MA)
Barbie and her Sisters in a Puppy Chase (MA)
Barbie and the Secret Door (MA)
Barbie in Princess Power (MA)
Barbie in the Pink Shoes (MA)
Barbie Mariposa and the Fairy Princess (MA)
Barbie Rock n Royals (MA)
Barbie Starlight Adventure (MA)
Battleship (MA)
Baywatch (Vudu split)
Ben Hur 2016 (vudu split)
Billy Elliott 2000 (MA)
Blackhat 2015 (MA)
Book Club (VUDU split)
Buttons A Christmas Tale (Vudu split)
Captain Fantastic (MA) split
Captain Underpants The First Epic Movie (MA)
Cirque Du Soleil Worlds Away (Vudu) split
Crocodile Dundee 1 (HD Vudu/4K iTunes)
Crocodile Dundee 2 (HD Vudud/4K iTunes)
Crocodile Dundee 3 in Los Angeles (HD Vudu/HD iTunes)
Curse of Chucky unrated (MA) split
Daddy's Home (VUDU split)
Daddy's Home 2 (VUDU split)
Darkest Hour 2017 (MA)
Dawn of the Planet of the Apes (MA) (redeems 4K iTunes)
Dead in Tombstone urated (MA) split
Deadpool (MA) (redeems 4K through iTunes)
Despicable Me 2 (MA)
Despicable Me 3 (MA) 4K
Diary of a Wimpy Kid Dog Days (MA)
Dracula Untold (MA)
Dr. Seuss's The Lorax (MA)
Eddie the Eagle (MA) (redeems 4K through iTunes)
Ender's Game (VUDU split)
Epic (MA)
Everest ( MA) split
The Fast and Furious 2001 (MA)
Fast and Furious 2009 (MA)
Fast and Furious Tokyo Drift 2006 (MA)
Fast Five Extended Edition 2011 (MA)
Fast & Furious 6 Extended Edition (MA)
The Fast and Furious 2017 Theatrical (MA)
The Fast and Furious 2017 Extended (MA)
Furious 7 Extended Edition (MA)
Fences (Vudu split)
Ferris Buellers Day off (Vudu/iTunes)
Fifty Shades of Grey unrated (MA)
Flight (vudu split)
Get Out (MA)
G.I. Joe Retaliation (vudu split)
Hail, Cesar! (MA)
Hansel and Gretel Witch Hunters unrated (Vudu split)
Hard Target 2 (MA)
Hercules 2014 (vudu split)
Home Alone (MA) (redeems 4K through iTunes)
Hop (MA)
How The Grinch Stole Christmas 2000 (MA)
Hunger Games (Vudu)
Hunger Games Catching Fire (Vudu)
Ice Age Continental Drift (MA)
Independence Day (MA) (redeems 4K through iTunes)
Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade (vudu split)
Interstellar (VUDU split)
Jackass 3 (Vudu Split)
Jack Reacher (Vudu split)
Jack Reacher Never Go Back (Vudu split)
Jack Ryan Shadow Recruit (vudu split)
Jason Bourne (MA)
Jaws (MA)
John Wick 1 (HD Vudu/4K iTunes)
John Wick 3 (vudu/GP/iTunes 4K)
Jurassic Park (MA)
Jurassic Park The Lost World (MA)
Jurassic Park 3 (MA)
Jurassic World (MA)
Katy Perry The Movie (vudu split)
Kick Ass 2 (MA split)
Kung Fu Panda 3 (MA)
Labor Day (Vudu) split
Les Miserables 2012 (MA)
Life of Pi (MA) (redeems 4K through iTunes)
Lucy (MA)
Madagascar 3 Europes Most Wanted (MA)
Minions (MA)
Mission Impossible Ghost Protocol (vudu split)
Mission Impossible Rogue Nation (Vudu split)
Mission Impossible Fallout (vudu split)
Mission Impossible Dead Reckoning Part One (4K Vudu/4KiTunes)
Mr Peabody and Sherman (MA)
Nebraska (Vudu split)
Noah (vudu split)
Non Stop (MA)
No Strings Attached (VUDU split)
Oblivion (MA)
Office Christmas Party (VUDU) split
Olympus Has Fallen (MA)
Pain and Gain (vudu split)
Paper Towns (MA) (redeems 4K through iTunes)
Paranormal Activity 1 (vudu split)
Paranormal Activity 2 unrated (Vudu split)
Paranormal Activity 3 extended (Vudu split)
Paranormal Activity 4 unrated (Vudu Split)
Parental Guidance (MA)
Penguins of Madagascar (MA)
Percy Jackson Sea of Monsters (MA)
Perks of Being A Wallflower (vudu)
Pitch Perfect 1 (MA)
Pitch Perfect 2 (MA)
Pitch Perfect 3 (MA)
Project Almanac (Vudu split)
Rango (VUDU split)
Ride Along (MA)
Rio 2 (MA)
R.I.P.D. (MA)
Rise of the Guardians (VUDU)
Rise of the Planet of the Apes (MA) (redeems 4K through iTunes)
Runner, Runner (MA)
Safe House (MA)
Selma (vudu split)
Sing (MA)
Sisters (MA)
Snatched (MA) (redeems 4K through iTunes)
Snow White and the Huntsman (MA)
Spiderman 2 Theatrical/Extended 2004 (MA)
Star Trek 4 The Voyage Home (VUDU HD/iTunes 4K)
Star Trek Beyond (Vudu split)
Star Trek Into Darkness (Vudu split)
Straight Outta Compton unrated (MA)
Strawberry Shortcake Dance Berry Dance (MA)
Super 8 (VUDU split)
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Other new releases

At twelve years old, I made the biggest mistake of my life.
I became a local child star in a town full of psychopaths.
I won't say it was my conscious decision. Mom had been pushing for me to attend auditions since I was a preschooler.
It was obvious from a young age that my mother wanted me to be on TV. Instead of toys, she bought me a camera to ‘film’ my own movies, and started a private social media account documenting my progress. But I was still a kid. I wanted to play outside with my friends, not drive for four hours out of town to an audition for a kids commercial. I made it clear I had no interest in being on TV. Even if it looked cool, the idea of being in front of a camera made me kind of nauseous.
However, my mother was pretty dead-set on me becoming a child actor when pre-teen and teen productions started airing on local TV. The TV studio in town was fairly new, expanding local shows to all demographics. Think of it like a bootleg Disney. The owner was an unknown Korean billionaire who, instead of setting his sights on larger cities, decided to build a kids TV studio right in the middle of our coastal town, which, ironically, became the heart.
This post would be a cry out for help, if our town existed. To you guys, we’re nothing, just a blip in the middle of nowhere.
You won't be able to find us or the shows, and that's why I'm fucking terrified.
The new studio was built on top of an old cemetery.
Initially, townspeople protested, until the owner poured money into the town itself, buying a new academy for the high school, and personally paying for every senior college tuition. This guy clearly wanted our town, and he would do anything to get it. Bright Smiles Studios.
Which is an ironic name, considering what they are presently.
Anyway, they had surprisingly good TV.
Their productions were original and fun, like Nickelodeon with a lower budget.
One of my favorites was called The Pirate King, a live-action game show where contestants would have the chance to become mini swashbucklers, under the guidance of the starry eyed pirate king.
That was the only show I wouldn't mind being on, but it was impossible to get an audition. We did try, but no matter how many strongly worded emails my mother sent the director, begging him to give me a chance, it was always a polite, No.
The main young crew members had already been established, so I had zero chance.
With The Pirate King being their most popular show, local kids either needed connections to become a contestant, or wealthy parents. I had neither, so I became a casual viewer, tuning in every Saturday morning to watch my favorite swashbucklers causing havoc.
The Pirate King ran for three years before being abruptly pulled off air for seemingly no reason.
I thought it was a dud at first.
Instead of showing new episodes of The Pirate King, they played the local news instead. Mom suggested they were taking a break, so I went to look for older episodes. But they were gone.
I strictly remembered watching the previous week, because Jinx, my favorite character, severed the head of the evil statue controlling the contestants. I remembered pausing halfway through to freak out, trying to show Mom. But that week’s episode was gone too.
I waited a whole week for The Pirate King. We were left on a cliffhanger, with the kid crew becoming official members and crowned with their pirate hats.
Them becoming an official part of the crew had been an ongoing plot point for a while as the show found its footing, slowly becoming more of a drama with scripted lines. I wasn't interested in the gameshow aspect, I wanted to know more about the world.
Topper and Jinx started as stowaways, and Leia was a princess from The City Of Diamonds. For a gameshow, the story easily pulled me in. The Adventures of four young stowaways joining the dreaded Pirate King’s group. They had come so far, and I could tell the pirate king had taken a liking to them.
Every episode, he started with a question: Will my four friends become official members of the Starry Eyed crew?
He paused, playfully pushing Topper to walk the plank.
“Or will it be over for them?”
And after two years of waiting, we were going to get our answer.
The last episode ended with Jinx, Topper, and Leia kneeling on board their ship.
The Pirate King made them take the pirate oath, gifting them with their own starry eyes, and, with a nod and wink at the camera, he announced his new crew.
*Join us next week where we meet a whole new group of young piratteesssss!”
The camera zoomed into the crowd of contestants, while the main crew members waved at the camera with wide smiles. I knew their starry eyes weren't real, but they looked so cool.
I never got to know what happened next because the show went off air.
Bright Smile Studios issued a statement claiming the four main crew members had come into contact with a mysterious illness. I thought it was the flu, though Mom told me they were very sick.
Apparently, during filming, the kids fell into the water and contracted some kind of bacterial infection.
I was already sceptical as a curious eight year old.
I could understand one of them getting sick, but all four?
At the same time?
The Pirate King ended with no satisfying conclusion, not even a scene with the kids being real pirates.
Saturday morning TV became boring. The studio tried to bring in copy-cat replicas, but neither of them were good enough. There was a gameshow with a similar concept, but instead of pirates, it was spies. It was for older kids, so there was a lot more drama.
But again, it wasn't The Pirate King. We had all grown up with Topper, Jinx, Leia, and Bellamy, so losing them was jarring.
Without their familiar faces on our screens every Saturday, the kids in my town slowly started to lose interest.
I was semi watching the spy show until the main leads died in an explosion escaping their evil parents.
In reality, the two left for college, abandoning their contracts.
Mom tried to get me to audition for that show, but you had to be at least fifteen.
Eventually, even Spy Children! devolved into another generic gameshow.
I got bored, and watched Spongebob on cable, instead.
For my twelfth birthday, Mom surprised me with an audition for a brand new production.
Cabbage Patch was Bright Smile Studio's latest attempt at making another Pirate King. This time for older kids, the age range for applicants was 11 to 13. I had seen advertisements and casting calls all over town.
Mom didn't tell me, but she had already signed me up and received a call back. So, instead of presents and birthday cake, I was being dragged to the other side of town for an audition I was barely interested in.
The whole thing was a full day process.
The first round of auditions in the morning were part of a group. I had to stand in a line with a group of kids and speak the lines on a crumpled piece of paper. Then we had lunch, and Mom ran off to grab snacks from the convenience store. The other applicants had already made friends, and the only kid who talked to me had thrown up from nerves and was cut from the process.
So, that left me standing in the main reception area, trying to force down a candy bar.
Mom bought me three candy bars, a can of soda, and a gas station sandwich.
She left me to join the other parents in a separate waiting room, which left me and my shitty tuna mayo sandwich against the world. The room with the rest of the applicants was too loud, so I ventured into the main visitors reception.
There were posters of all of the studio’s works, with the majority being their most popular.
I was admiring a huge framed photo of the pirate king himself, when the door opened and then slammed shut. I caught a shadow striding toward the automatic doors, before freezing in place.
“Luke.” the woman at the desk peered over her laptop, her tone a warning.
“Don't go wandering, young man.”
“I'm not.” The shadow grumbled, and I twisted around.
I wasn't expecting to see Jinx from The Pirate King.
The guy was a high school kid at this point, sixteen or seventeen years old.
He looked different from his kid self, taller, dark brown hair poking from a baseball cap. His present attire, a short sleeved shirt and shorts tranformed him into a normal teenager, no longer a shipmate. On the season 1 poster behind him, Jinx was a six year old swashbuckler with a laughing grin.
This guy resembled an average kid with a video game addiction.
His behaviour, though, was odd.
It was weird, like watching an episode of Animals Do The Funniest Things.
Jinx acted like a predator closing in on prey. He moved slowly, almost like a Pink Panther skit, taking long strides across the room. When he was caught, the woman shooting him a warning look, the junior pirate held up his hands in mocking surrender.
But he didn't give up.
After studying her movements and waiting for the exact moment her attention was caught, he tried again.
This time, almost like a cartoon, catapulting into an abrupt sprint.
He made it halfway towards the automatic doors, before, “Luke!”
Jinx stopped, freezing in place.
“What are you doing?” the woman let out an exasperated sigh, slamming the space bar. “Do you want attention?”
“No.” the boy muttered.
“Good.” she said, going back to her screen. “I know it must be extremely hard not to be annoying, but I'm sure you can find a way to entertain yourself.” the woman sighed. “Where is Evie?”
Jinx blew a raspberry. “Don't know, don't care.”
After eyeing the elevator behind her, the guy gave up, leaning against the wall by the exit with his arms folded, a sleek pair of raybans shading his eyes.
I half wondered if he was hiding his starry pupils. It was a nostalgia trip just being in his presence. Reality hit, though, and I reminded myself The Pirate King was fiction. Jinx was just a kid. Still though, he was looking pretty good for someone who had supposedly contracted a deadly disease.
I couldn't help myself, making my way over to him in hesitant strides.
“Excuse me,” I didn't mean my voice to squeak. Jinx was like my childhood hero. He made me realize I could be a pirate too if I sent my mind to it. Jinx revealed in season two that he suffered from ADHD, and the whole episode was dedicated to proving that kids with colorful brains could be pirates too.
I was diagnosed with ADHD at the age of seven, so Jinx’s speech really hit me.
Obviously, the content was kid friendly, with the usual life lessons coming into play. But it was a rush to see a kid just like me, defeating the bad guys and saving the crew. Jinx highlighted his struggles with concentration, especially when fighting, telling the audience, “Sometimes, my brain is too loud.”
When The Pirate King was kidnapped, along with the rest of the kids, Jinx had no choice but to believe in himself, accept his brain was beautiful in its own way, and save the day. And he did, managing to take out the bad guy of the week, single handedly saving his crew.
Until then, I saw my ADHD as a weight suffocating my chest.
In school, ADHD meant I was different.
But Jinx taught me I was more than that.
I was a special kind of pirate.
That's what I wanted to tell the guy, but my words twisted up.
“Jinx?” was all I could say. “From The Pirate King?”
The kid plucked off his raybans, and I swore I caught the slightest sparkle in his iris, just like in the show, like his eyes were filled with starlight. I started to get giddy, already choking on what I was going to ask him. Did he ever become a pirate? Why did the show end? What disease was he sick with?
But the one burning question that had been driving me mad since the cancellation managed to slip out of my mouth before I could choke it back.
“What do your starry eyes mean?”
I didn't realize I was yelling, until the woman working at the desk told me to hush.
Jinx lazily dragged his gaze to me like I was a specimen in a jar.
Instead of answering, the kid’s gaze snapped to the candy bars in my hand, his lips curving into a smirk. He scoffed, and something in me snapped in two.
The pirate was looking at me like the kids in my school. Jinx cocked his head, mocking his character's smile.
“Jeez, don't you have enough candy, Chubs?” he laughed loudly, and I felt my entire world crashing down. I had been struggling with my weight for a while. I never thought my favorite pirate would point it out so cruelly too.
Do not meet your heroes.
I was paralysed, my mouth still frozen in a grin.
“I'm a big fan.” I kept talking, choking on words flying out of my mouth, and I hated myself for it. I hated him for looking down at me like I was worthless.
Jinx nodded, his eyes going skyward. “Coooooooool.” he said dismissively.
I tried again, getting progressively more choked up. “You were my favorite pirate.”
“I’m not a pirate, Chubs.” he slipped his glasses back on.
“Luke.” the woman scolded, “You cannot blame Nibiru for your attitude.”
“I'm not blaming Nibiru,” Jinx retorted, knocking the back of his head on the wall with a groan, “Can't you see I'm talking to my adoring fan?”
He said fan like spitting venom, with a giant dollop of sarcasm.
I felt my cheeks going scarlet, my eyes filling with tears.
The woman sighed, her gaze glued to her laptop. “Be nice to the kid or you're going back into Q, young man. Your choice.”
Jinx groaned, jumping up and down on his heels. For a seventeen year old, he was acting like a child. Settling me with a patronising smile, the boy was suddenly bursting with energy, as if he'd just inhaled helium, jumping in front of me like a cartoon character.
“Aww, I'm so glad you like the show!” He said, forcing a painful grin, reminiscent of his pirate self. “That's like, suuuper great! Have a funtastic day, all right? Don't do drugs! Drugs bad!”
I must have looked on the edge of breaking into sobs when Jinx’s demeanour softened.
“Do you believe in God's, kid?” he asked in a low murmur.
His question took me off guard. “Like… Medusa?”
Jinx scrunched his nose up. “No, you idiot! Jeez, you're like, too stupid to function. I mean, like actual God's.”
“Luke, stop being a dick.”
Topper, another member of the Pirate King crew, was standing in the doorway. The last time I saw Topper, he was a prepubescent little kid giggling at the camera. This guy was hunched over in a sweatshirt and jeans, hiding under blondish curls. Like Jinx, he didn't suit modern day clothes. I preferred him in his pirate costume. Unlike Jinx, Topper didn't have starry eyes.
His smile wasn't exactly friendly, more of a quirk of amusement. Still, at least he wasn't being an asshole.
There was something in his face I wasn't sure I was allowed to see.
Darkness, evident in shadowed eyes and pale cheeks.
Jinx and Topper had been sick, but this was different.
Deeper, like something had twisted them inside out.
Luke ignored his pirate crewmate, shaded eyes on the ceiling.
“The kid doesn't belong here,” he grumbled, “You, of all people should know that.”
Ouch.
Two members of my favorite pirate crew were confirming my worst insecurities, and somehow, I couldn't move.
“But I didn't even want to be on TV,” I didn't mean for my voice to break, anger and pain twisting in my voice. “It was my Mom’s idea to bring me today.”
“Then leave.” Jinx didn't look at me, though I caught urgency in his tone.
“Fucking run.”
Topper nodded to me, pulling his hood over his curls. “Luke is being an asshole as usual,” he shot the other boy a pointed glare, “But… he's right.”
Gesturing to the door, his lips formed a small smile.
“If you don't want to be here, kid, I want you to walk out of that door, and don't turn back.” His eyes darkened.
“Run.” Topper repeated Jinx’s words, and it was the plea in his words, the slight twist in his lip that was trying to scream, but kept collapsing into a smile. That is what sent me backing away.
Jinx and Topper were both telling me to get out in their own way, and I was slowly starting to notice the slight glint in their eyes. They were scared.
Topper kept shooting glances at the woman behind the desk, Jinx inching toward the door.
Topper’s eyes reminded me of staring directly into a starless sky, a vacancy that had aged him way beyond seventeen.
They were scared, I thought, glancing at the mysterious woman behind the desk.
Of her.
I thought she worked at the studio, but the more I caught the boy’s frantic eyes, as well as Jinx’s strange behavior when I met him, trying to Pink Panther his way towards the door without being caught.
This woman was a guard.
Something ice cold crept down my spine, phantom bugs filling my mouth.
What did she say to Jinx again?
“Hey, Chubs.”
As if the kid was reading my mind, Jinx lifted his head, gesturing toward the door.
Go!
I did my best to nod, before I backed into something warm.
And smelled overwhelmingly of my mother’s perfume.
“How dare you talk to my son like that.”
Mom’s voice came from behind me, her tone startlingly cold.
Mom pushed past me, ignoring my attempt to stop her. “I don't care who you are,” she spat at the two of them.
“You're a pair of washed out ex child actors who haven't been relevant in a long time!” she laughed, and I wanted to bury myself in the ground. She ignored my attempt to drag her away.
“And you have the audacity to speak to my son like that!” Mom gently tugged away from me, using her stern tone, “Wen, let go of me, honey, these kids need to be taught a lesson.” I could already hear her voice breaking.
Mom was seconds from crying, and the two ‘pirates’ were barely paying attention to her. She stepped forward.
“How dare you tell my child he is not good enough!”
“Uh, Ma’am.” The guard spoke up, only for Mom to cut her off.
“Look at you!” She scolded the two guys, “I remember you when you were little kids.” Mom made a wet sounding sputtering noise. “Oh, how the mighty have fallen!” Mom folded her arms like she'd won. “I don't know why you're smiling,” she spat at Jinx. “You should be ashamed of yourselves! Two unsuccessful brats bullying my child.”
Jinx surprised me with a harsh laugh.
“You've got no idea what you're talking about, lady,” his tone darkened. His lips curled into a smirk. “In fact! Do you want to know the real reason behind our cancellation?”
Mom shrugged. “You were clearly big headed.”
Jinx winked. “Nah. It's a little crazier than that.”
“That's enough, Luke.” the female guard stepped in. “Go to the Q room.”
Her gaze flicked to Topper.
“Both of you.”
“Wait, what did I do?” Topper demanded. “He was the one being a dick!”
Jinx laughed bitterly. “That's rich. Throwing me under the bus as usual, Topper?”
Topper’s eyes narrowed. “It’s Ace!” he twisted to the guard. “It's not my fault Luke’s got the sea in his head.”
The other boy scoffed. “At least he speaks to me. And I'm not even twenty yet.”
“That's not a good thing!” Topper snapped back.
“Don't argue. Q room.” The woman pointed at the door. “Now.”
Mom nodded, satisfied. “Exactly what these bullies need,” she said, “A well needed time out.”
Topper made the mistake of rolling his eyes, and my mother blew up.
Luckily, I managed to grab her, pulling Mom away.
“I'm reporting the two of you!” Mom shrieked. “And to think children actually looked up to you!”
“Oh, please do!” Jinx said, the guard striding over to the two of them, grabbing both pirates like they were her own children. Jinx tried to snatch his arm away with an uncharacteristic hiss.
I could tell from the way Topper was wincing, the woman's grasp was a little too tight.
She marched them over to an elevator, the two of them stumbling with her.
“Get off of me,” Jinx gritted out, “I can walk on my own!”
When the door between us slammed shut, I caught the latter of Jinx’s words.
“Report us all you want, lady!” he yelled, “Ow, that hurts! You can't stop me from–” the boy shouted something unintelligible, his voice collapsing into angry muffle-yelling.
After whatever that was, I wasn't sure I could continue my audition like nothing happened.
Mom ruffled my hair and gave me a hug.
“Ignore them.” she said, cupping my cheek. “You're going to be great, Wen.”
The second part of the auditions were individual ones.
I stood in front of a panel of four adults, stumbling my way through my lines.
Mom told me I did so well. I wasn't sure about that.
Three days went by, and Mom got a call while I was watching TV.
I got the part of Dex.
I mean, that's what I guessed. There was no other reason why she would be trying to cartwheel across the kitchen.
I thought it was a joke, but nope.
The producers of Cabbage Patch, and the Mayor (who had a little too much creative control) wanted me to come for a chemistry read with the other kids.
Cabbage Patch was like a kids version of Friends.
Five friends living together in a colorful house. The show was primarily for young teenagers, so there was an educational aspect.
After reading lines with the other four chosen kids, I was given the role of Dex, the middle school drop out.
Cabbage Patch was filmed on a mock set in Bright Smile Studio's, and it became my second home. I was there from 7-12 every weekday, and Saturday morning. It was fun to film. It was basically a never-ending party surrounded by cameras. We were given candy and sugar to hype us up, and were encouraged to act as crazy as possible.
Think of Friends, but it's a colorful kids sitcom with educational aspects.
As the middle school drop out, I was usually the instigator for the rainbow sprinkle parties.
Cabbage Patch quickly became more popular than The Pirate King, with kids across town turning into the local channel every weekend to watch us throw food and learn about friendship.
Mom was convinced I was a local celebrity.
It did feel like it. The kids at school wanted me to shout my catchphrase, “What's GOING on here? Cabbage Patch party!” every time I stepped into class.
For a while, I was on the top of the world.
Fast forward four years, however, I was starting to understand why The Pirate King boys told me to run.
I was fifteen years old, sitting in an adult club, opposite the Mayor of all people. I had lost all my baby fat, and I could finally look at myself in the mirror without wincing.
Puberty had been good to me, but I never forgot Jinx’s nickname. Chubs.
By now, I was fully aware our beloved Mayor was more corrupt than a fucking dictator. Next to me, Harry, a member of the Cabbage Patch gang, was completely out of it, his head of red curls nestled on my shoulder, half lidded eyes skating the ceiling.
I met Harry as a bright eyed thirteen year old obsessed with Pokémon.
I nudged him, and he made a groaning noise.
I was already uncomfortable in a club full of adults.
“Boys.” The Mayor cleared his throat, dropping a baggie of white powder.
Harry leaned forward, sliding over the powder with his index. I didn't even know he was conscious. “Thank ya.”
I lost Harry when our director encouraged us to take cocaine to exaggerate the zaniness of Cabbage Patch.
He was fired, of course. But the damage was already done. I had lost my friend to constant paranoia, breakdowns, and sudden, abrupt bursts of energy. Harry was the best person ever when he was high, and a tyrant on a come-down.
In a town that clearly did not give a fuck about its kids, Harry’s problem was ignored.
The Mayor coughed promptly, jumping to his feet. I had a feeling there was another reason for our meeting.
He would send an assistant if he was just handing over drugs. “I was never here.”
Harry laughed, offering the man a two fingered salute.
“Aye, aye, captain!”
I got home that night, coming face to face with my mother.
“Wen.” she folded her arms. “You stink of cigarette smoke.”
“I was studying late,” I lied. “With Harry.” I shrugged. “He… smokes.”
Her expression brightened. Any mention of Cabbage Patch made her smile.
I wondered what she would say if I told her I was in secret detox.
“Well, get some sleep,” she said. “You have a recording in the morning.”
Mom kissed my forehead, and I mumbled at her to go away.
That was the last time I ever spoke to my mother.
Our last normal Cabbage Patch recording was mundane as usual.
I wasn't a fan of my costume for that day, neon pants and a bright yellow shirt.
Iris was talking to me about something, her girlfriend, maybe, I wasn't fully listening. I think she was talking about her outfit, another colorful explosion.
The four of us were squeezed together on the couch for the opening shot, and I was staring dazedly at a new light situated in front of us.
It was too bright, too invasive, like invisible tendrils poking at my eyes.
“What's that?” I nudged Harry on my left, who was still on a comedown.
We were getting better, but Harry was already addicted, already going out every night for his next fix. He was a coked up mess. The local gazette was going to have a field day with him.
“Dunno.” Harry responded in a dull murmur. Pulling his knees to his chest, he made a snorting noise. “I think it's to make us more zazzed.” His eyes lazily rolled to me, and he winked.
“Since coke is baaaaaaad, like, obvs.”
I could see so much of Jinx the pirate in him.
Not exactly a good thing.
“They're called concentration lights,” Iris murmured. “For Harry, clearly.”
Harry nudged her with a laugh. “You love me.”
The girl shuffled away from him. “You smell like Coachella.”
“Is he still using?” Matthew twisted around, whipping off his rainbow glasses.
I didn't reply, Harry muttering for the boy to shut the fuckety fuck up.
I should have been paying attention to Harry’s behaviour, the way he couldn't keep still, the slightly manic look in his eyes.
His lips slowly curling into a grin, dead eyes settled on the camera.
“Action.”
One word.
One light, bright enough to blind me.
We began our opening friendship song as usual, but once my vision had cleared, my body wasn't working the way it should. At first, I thought I was having a seizure, or a stroke. My body stiffened up, the left side of my face drooping. The world went deathly silent apart from a single ringing sound, like a coin rattling in my skull. Then… pain.
It hit me in writhing waves, first across the back of my head, creeping down my spine, an invisible monster clawing into my skull. Something wet, something ice cold, was running down my chin.
Blood.
It was all over my hands, soaking the front of my shirt.
My body moved like it wasn't mine, my neck snapping into place.
I looked directly into the light, hypnotised by its beauty.
Dropping onto the ground on my hands and knees, I was straddling something warm, a moving form that kicked and screamed beneath me, an animalistic shriek rattling my skull. But I shut it up, grabbing its shoulders and slamming its head into the floor. The moving form didn't have a face. I only felt its warmth.
Giddy, I ran my fingers across the surface of their skin and then plunged my fingers through, using my teeth to get deeper and deeper, until that warmth was in my mouth, slithering wetness dripping and caught between my teeth. Sound returned, slamming into me. I was screaming. No, I was laughing.
My mouth was full of something wet, something mushy and hard to swallow.
But I kept eating, gnawing into warm, slithering jelly that squelched at the back of my throat.
I was aware of panic around me, but it only motivated me to dive to my feet.
I started forwards, giggling, waving my hands in front of me, grasping slithering sausages.
In the corner of my eye, Iris was standing on the couch, bouncing up and down, half of her own face clenched between her nails, her lips spread out into a skeletal grin. Her movements excited me. I wanted to join her. But I also wanted to hide what was in my fist.
It was mine.
Crawling onto my stomach, I remember feeling like a wiggly worm.
I stuffed the warmth into my mouth, joining in with the others’ squawks.
It was a game for us, the others trying to snatch pieces of flesh from my fists.
In reality, I had chewed through half of the camera guy. His brains stained my hands.
I started towards our Mayor, who, to my confusion, barked at the cameras to keep rolling. “This is it,” he said through gasping breaths. “This is enough!”
His eyes went skyward, lips stretching into a cry of mania.
“Is this what you want, Nibiru?” he demanded. “Instead of our children?”
Half conscious, I grabbed him by the neck, sinking my teeth into her flesh.
She tasted so good, laughing, her giggles turning to gurgles.
“Now this,” he declared, when I dug my teeth in further. Harry was dead, his trembling body still writhing, his jaw moving like he was still eating, gnawing on thin air. Iris's head was there one minute, and gone the next, spraying me in scarlet. Matthew was a pile of wriggling mush on the ground.
“This is what he wants!”
Our director’s half lidded, mutilated eyes were on me.
And, sobering up, I became aware of what I was doing.
What I had done.
And why Jinx and Topper told me to fucking run.
It's been two years since Bright Smile Studio's officially declared ownership of me.
Nibiru, a God I didn't even know existed, has been pulling the strings since the start.
My town has been subtly giving him children through the years, in the form of contestants on Bright Smile Studio's shows.
But then he demanded the four members of The Pirate King's crew.
I watched it on TV.
What I thought was a fictional bit, I was witnessing them pledge themselves to thee pirate king.
Nibiru.
Our town told him he couldn't have them, and that's why we’re here.
Presently, I haven't seen my Mom in three years, and the sky above our town turned dark six months ago. The real world continues as normal, and we are stuck in endless, suffocating shadow.
A giant pirate ship sits in the centre of our town.
We’re told to ignore it, but I mean, who could ignore something like that?!
We’re not allowed outside (for our safety) but I only see hell through my windows.
I see crowds of people brainwashed by a God whispering in their heads.
I'm told to plug my ears, but I can still hear him.
His voice carries on an invisible wave, crashing into my mind.
Cabbage Patch is now the only source of entertainment for the Pirate King himself, the newly appointed Jinx, who was crowned seven months ago. There was zero point in trying to hide the pirate crew from Nibiru. He found them, and filled their eyes with stars.
Now, we are under their rule. Four ex local child stars given God-like abilities.
God help us.
Cabbage Patch has been twisted into a psychotic game.
Instead of ending with our friendship is magic song, we are forced to brutally eat sacrifices for Nibiru.
The worst part is, he just brings them back whenever he likes.
So, nobody really fucking dies.
It's not like we can control this.
Whatever that light was, mixed with drugs, it turned us into something no longer human, a God’s executioners.
Thankfully, I don't remember most of it.
We call it Zazzing. We start the song, zaz out, and wake up covered in blood.
During our first Zazzing, most of us died. Harry from blood loss, Iris's head blew up, and Matthew’s body turned to jelly. I can vaguely remember choking up mangled pieces of my own lungs— only to wake up two days later with nothing but a bad migraine.
To this God, we are dolls made of flesh and blood, dancing on strings.
I tried to get in contact with Mom, but I can't leave the studio.
The Mayor told me to not even try. If not, I would be volunteering myself to Nibiru. Except last night I broke down.
I needed to find my Mom.
I'm used to being covered in someone else after a recording.
Their remains stain me, and I feel every single person ingrained into my skin.
Blood doesn't even feel real anymore. It's like being covered in gunk.
After showering, I headed down to the main reception area.
The guard behind the desk was reading a scrappy copy of Metamorphosis.
I started toward the door slowly, holding my breath.
“Excuse me?”
I froze. The voice was a little boy standing behind me.
Deja-vu hit like ice cold water.
“Dex?” The boy wasn't smiling. His eyes were hard, mouth twitching into a scowl. “Why did you destroy our town?”
I was so fucking tired, and this kid was staring at me like I was a murderer.
Well, in his eyes, I was.
“My name is Wen.” I grumbled. “Get out of here, kid.”
He folded his arms stubbornly. “I want to join Cabbage Patch,” he said. “So, my Mom and little sister will be safe.”
“Aren't you like eight?” I said dryly.
“And a half!”
Instead of responding, I took the kid’s shoulders gently.
What I wished Jinx had done with me.
I marched him over to the door, and shoved him through the two guards blocking my way.
But I managed to catch a slither of the outside.
Iris and Harry joined me, the two of them freshly out of the shower.
I think they were looking for their parents too. We pressed our faces against the door, peering into the dark.
There was a thick fog in the air, a crowd standing on the streets, and among them, was my starry eyed mother.
She was like a zombie, her head tipped back, wide, moonlit eyes on the sky.
I tried to get to her, but the others dragged me back.
“It's not worth it.” Iris told me.
Harry punched me in the face, hard enough to knock me out. I didn't blame him. I was so close to stepping outside.
I woke up maybe 20 minutes ago.
Harry has an old iPad he's been using to play Genshin. But he's crashed.
It has the internet, so this is a call out to you, Mom.
I know you're in the crowd, and I know you worship our pirate king. I saw you, Mom, I want you to wake the fuck up.
I’m so fucking scared.
Mom. Please help me.
I don't want to be on TV anymore.

* I split all splitable codes; so, please ONLY redeem what we agree upon. Thanks in advance!
DISNEY HD SPLIT CODES (port to MA)
Aladdin 1992 Animated (GP)
Aladdin Live Action 4K (MA) or HD (GP)
Ant-man (GP) or (MA)
Atlantis The Lost Empire (MA)
Atlantis Milos Return (MA)
Avengers Age of Ultron (GP)
Avengers Infinity War 4K (MA) or HD (GP)
Big Hero Six (iTunes) (redeems 4K)
Black Panther: Wakanda Forever (GP)
Brother Bear 1 (MA)
Brother Bear 2 (MA)
Captain America The Winter Soldier (GP)
Cars 3 (GP)
Cinderella 2015 (iTunes) (redeems 4K) or HD (GP)
Finding Dory (iTunes) (redeems 4K)
Frozen (GP) or (MA) (redeems 4K through iTunes)
Frozen Sing a Long Edition (GP) or (MA)
Guardians of the Galaxy Vol 1 (GP)
Guardians of the Galaxy Vol 2 (MA) 4K
Inside Out (iTunes) (redeems 4K)
Into The Woods (GP) or (MA)
Iron Man 3 (iTunes) (redeems 4K) or HD (GP)
Jungle Book 1967 (GP)
Lightyear (GP)
The Lion King Animated (MA) 4K
Maleficent (iTunes) (redeems 4K) or HD (GP)
Mary Poppins 1964 (GP) or (MA)
Mary Poppins Returns (iTunes) (redeems 4K)
Oz The Great and Powerful (GP) or (MA)
Planes (GP) or (MA)
Planes Fire and Rescue (MA) or (GP)
Saving Mr Banks (GP)
Spies in Disguise (GP)
Star Wars The Force Awakens (GP) or (MA) (iTunes redeems 4K)
Star Wars The Last Jedi (MA) 4K
Strange World (GP)
Super Buddies (GP)
The Good Dinosaur (iTunes) (redeems 4K)
The Lone Ranger (GP) or (MA)
The Nightmare Before Christmas (GP)
The Pirate Fairy (GP) or (MA)
Thor (GP)
Thor Love and Thunder HD (GP) or (MA 4K)
Thor The Dark World (GP)
Tinkerbell and the Legend of the Neverbeast (GP)
Toy Story of Terror (GP)
Zootopia (iTunes) (redeems 4K)
SONY BUFF PASS x1 (Choose 1 of the following options...)
My Girl 4K
Hancock 4K
Stripes 4K
The Blob 1988 HD
Blue Thunder HD
Born Yesterday HD
Bye Bye Birdie HD
Guess Who HD
Stir Crazy HD
Untraceable HD
HD CODES (VUDU or MA)
007 Skyfall (vudu/GP)
47 Ronin (MA)
A Dogs Purpose (MA)
A Good Day To Die Hard Extended (MA)
A Quiet Place (VUDU HD/iTunes 4K)
About Time (MA) split
Alex Cross (Vudu) split
American Girl Grace Stirs Up Success (MA)
American Girl Isabella Dances into the Spotlight (MA)
American Girl McKenna Shoots for the Stars (MA)
American Made 2017 (MA)
American Reunion Unrated (MA)
Anchorman 2 (VUDU split)
Animal House Natinoal Lampoons (MA) split
Annihilation (Vudu) split
Apollo 13 (MA) split
Atlas Shrugger Part 3 (MA)
August Osage County (Vudu)
Bad Grandpa: Jackass Presents (VUDU split)
Barbie and her Sisters in a Pony Tale (MA)
Barbie and her Sisters in a Puppy Chase (MA)
Barbie and the Secret Door (MA)
Barbie in Princess Power (MA)
Barbie in the Pink Shoes (MA)
Barbie Mariposa and the Fairy Princess (MA)
Barbie Rock n Royals (MA)
Barbie Starlight Adventure (MA)
Battleship (MA)
Baywatch (Vudu split)
Ben Hur 2016 (vudu split)
Billy Elliott 2000 (MA)
Blackhat 2015 (MA)
Book Club (VUDU split)
Buttons A Christmas Tale (Vudu split)
Captain Fantastic (MA) split
Captain Underpants The First Epic Movie (MA)
Cirque Du Soleil Worlds Away (Vudu) split
Crocodile Dundee 1 (HD Vudu/4K iTunes)
Crocodile Dundee 2 (HD Vudud/4K iTunes)
Crocodile Dundee 3 in Los Angeles (HD Vudu/HD iTunes)
Curse of Chucky unrated (MA) split
Daddy's Home (VUDU split)
Daddy's Home 2 (VUDU split)
Darkest Hour 2017 (MA)
Dawn of the Planet of the Apes (MA) (redeems 4K iTunes)
Dead in Tombstone urated (MA) split
Deadpool (MA) (redeems 4K through iTunes)
Despicable Me 2 (MA)
Despicable Me 3 (MA) 4K
Diary of a Wimpy Kid Dog Days (MA)
Dracula Untold (MA)
Dr. Seuss's The Lorax (MA)
Eddie the Eagle (MA) (redeems 4K through iTunes)
Ender's Game (VUDU split)
Epic (MA)
Everest ( MA) split
The Fast and Furious 2001 (MA)
Fast and Furious 2009 (MA)
Fast and Furious Tokyo Drift 2006 (MA)
Fast Five Extended Edition 2011 (MA)
Fast & Furious 6 Extended Edition (MA)
The Fast and Furious 2017 Theatrical (MA)
The Fast and Furious 2017 Extended (MA)
Furious 7 Extended Edition (MA)
Fences (Vudu split)
Ferris Buellers Day off (Vudu/iTunes)
Fifty Shades of Grey unrated (MA)
Flight (vudu split)
Get Out (MA)
G.I. Joe Retaliation (vudu split)
Hail, Cesar! (MA)
Hansel and Gretel Witch Hunters unrated (Vudu split)
Hard Target 2 (MA)
Hercules 2014 (vudu split)
Home Alone (MA) (redeems 4K through iTunes)
Hop (MA)
How The Grinch Stole Christmas 2000 (MA)
Hunger Games (Vudu)
Hunger Games Catching Fire (Vudu)
Ice Age Continental Drift (MA)
Independence Day (MA) (redeems 4K through iTunes)
Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade (vudu split)
Interstellar (VUDU split)
Jackass 3 (Vudu Split)
Jack Reacher (Vudu split)
Jack Reacher Never Go Back (Vudu split)
Jack Ryan Shadow Recruit (vudu split)
Jason Bourne (MA)
Jaws (MA)
John Wick 1 (HD Vudu/4K iTunes)
John Wick 3 (vudu/GP/iTunes 4K)
Jurassic Park (MA)
Jurassic Park The Lost World (MA)
Jurassic Park 3 (MA)
Jurassic World (MA)
Katy Perry The Movie (vudu split)
Kick Ass 2 (MA split)
Kung Fu Panda 3 (MA)
Labor Day (Vudu) split
Les Miserables 2012 (MA)
Life of Pi (MA) (redeems 4K through iTunes)
Lucy (MA)
Madagascar 3 Europes Most Wanted (MA)
Minions (MA)
Mission Impossible Ghost Protocol (vudu split)
Mission Impossible Rogue Nation (Vudu split)
Mission Impossible Fallout (vudu split)
Mission Impossible Dead Reckoning Part One (4K Vudu/4KiTunes)
Mr Peabody and Sherman (MA)
Nebraska (Vudu split)
Noah (vudu split)
Non Stop (MA)
No Strings Attached (VUDU split)
Oblivion (MA)
Office Christmas Party (VUDU) split
Olympus Has Fallen (MA)
Pain and Gain (vudu split)
Paper Towns (MA) (redeems 4K through iTunes)
Paranormal Activity 1 (vudu split)
Paranormal Activity 2 unrated (Vudu split)
Paranormal Activity 3 extended (Vudu split)
Paranormal Activity 4 unrated (Vudu Split)
Parental Guidance (MA)
Penguins of Madagascar (MA)
Percy Jackson Sea of Monsters (MA)
Perks of Being A Wallflower (vudu)
Pitch Perfect 1 (MA)
Pitch Perfect 2 (MA)
Pitch Perfect 3 (MA)
Project Almanac (Vudu split)
Rango (VUDU split)
Ride Along (MA)
Rio 2 (MA)
R.I.P.D. (MA)
Rise of the Guardians (VUDU)
Rise of the Planet of the Apes (MA) (redeems 4K through iTunes)
Runner, Runner (MA)
Safe House (MA)
Selma (vudu split)
Sing (MA)
Sisters (MA)
Snatched (MA) (redeems 4K through iTunes)
Snow White and the Huntsman (MA)
Spiderman 2 Theatrical/Extended 2004 (MA)
Star Trek 4 The Voyage Home (VUDU HD/iTunes 4K)
Star Trek Beyond (Vudu split)
Star Trek Into Darkness (Vudu split)
Straight Outta Compton unrated (MA)
Strawberry Shortcake Dance Berry Dance (MA)
Super 8 (VUDU split)
Taken 2 (MA)
Ted unrated (MA)
Ted 2 unrated (MA)
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2014 (vudu split)
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Mutant Mayhem (HD Vudu/4K iTunes)
Terminator Dark Fate 4K (vudu split)
Terminator Genisys (Vudu split)
The Adventures of Tin Tin (Vudu split)
The Amazing Spiderman 2 (MA)
The Big Lebowski (MA)
The Big Short (VUDU split)
The Boss Baby (MA)
The Boss Unrated (MA)
The Bourne Identity (MA)
The Bourne Legacy (MA)
The Bourne Ultimatum (MA)
The Breakfast Club (MA)
The Croods (MA)
The Dark Tower (MA)
The Dictator (VUDU split)
The Dilemma (MA)
The Fault in our Stars (MA) (redeems 4K through iTunes)
The Gambler (Vudu split)
The Girl On The Train (MA)
The Great Wall (MA)
The Guilt Trip (Vudu split)
The Heat 2013 (MA)
The Impossible (Vudu)
The Internship (MA)
The Mummy 2017 (MA)
The Other Woman (MA)
The Purge 2013 (MA split)
The Purge: Election Year (MA) split
The Scorpion King 4 Quest For Power (MA) split
The Secret Life of Pets (MA)
The Secret Life of Walter Mitty (MA)
The Sponge Bob Movie Sponge out of Water (VUDU split)
The Wolf of Wallstreet (VUDU split)
The Wolverine Extended (MA)
This is 40 theatrical (MA)
Top Gun (vudu split)
Top Gun Maverick (VUDU 4K/iTunes 4K)
Transformers Dark of the Moon (vudu split)
Transformers Age of Extinction (Vudu split)
Transformers The Last Knight (Vudu split)
True Grit (VUDU split)
Turbo (MA)
Unbroken (MA)
Unfriended (MA)
Van Helsing (MA)
Warcraft ( MA)
War For the Planet of the Apes (MA) (redeems 4K through iTunes)
Warm Bodies (VUDU split)
What to Expect When You're Expecting (vudu split)
Whiskey Tango Foxtrot (Vudu split)
Wonder (Vudu or iTunes)
World War Z (Vudu split)
X-Men Days of Future Past (MA) (redeems 4K through iTunes)
XXX Return of Xander Cage (Vudu split)
ITUNES HD CODES (unless otherwise stated)
Alien Covenant (redeems 4K)
Alvin and the Chipmunks The Road Trip (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Anchorman 2 The Legend Continues (split)
Assassins Creed (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Bad Grandpa Jackass Presents (split) (redeems 4K)
Battleship (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Baywatch (split) (redeems 4K)
Big Little Lies Season 1
Buttons A Christmas Tale (split)
Cowboys and Aliens (ports to MA)
Daddy's Home (split redeems 4K)
Dawn of the Planet of the Apes (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Deadpool (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Despicable Me 2 (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Diary of A Wimpy Kid The Long Haul (ports to MA)
Dredd (redeems 4K)
Dr. Seuss' The Lorax (ports to MA)
Dr.Seuss' Horton Hears A Who (prts to MA)
Exodus Gods and Kings (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Fast and Furious 6 extended 2013 (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Fifty Shades of Grey (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Game of Thrones Season 1
Game of Thrones Season 2
Gifted (ports to MA)
G I Joe Retaliation (split) (redeems 4K)
Gone Girl (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Hansel and Gretal Witch Hunters
Hercules 2014 (split redeems 4K)
Hidden Figures (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Hitman Agent 47 (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Home Alone (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Home Alone 2 (ports to MA)
Hop (ports to MA)
How to Train Your Dragon 2 (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Hugo (Split redeems 4K)
Hunger Games (split redeems 4K)
Hunger Games Mockingjay Part 1 (split redeems 4K)
Ice Age (ports to MA)
Ice Age 5 Collision Course (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Identity Thief (ports to MA)
If I Stay (redeems 4K)
Independence Day Resurgence (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Interstellar (split redeems 4K)
Jack Reacher (split) (redeems 4K)
Jack Reacher Never Go Back (split) (redeems 4K)
Jack Ryan Shadow Recruit (split redeems 4K)
Jurassic World (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Keeping up with the Jonses (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Kingsman The Golden Circle (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Kung Fu Panda 3 (ports to MA)
Les Miserables 2012 (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Lets Be Cops (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Logan (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Lucy (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Mike and Dave need Wedding Dates (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Minions (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Mission Impossible Ghost Protocol (split redeems 4K)
Mission Impossible Rogue Nation (split redeems 4K)
Mission Impossible Fallout (split redeems 4K)
Miss Peregrines Home For Peculiar Children (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Nebraska
Neighbors (ports to MA)
Night at the Museum Secret of the Tomb (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Noah (split)
No Strings Attached (split)
Oblivion (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Office Christmas Party (redeems 4K)
Paranormal Activity 1 (split)
Paranormal Activity 2 (split)
Pitch Perfect 1 (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Pitch Perfect 2 (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Playing with Fire (redeems 4K)
Rango (redeems 4K)
Rise of the Planet of the apes (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Savages (ports to MA)
Sing (ports to MA) (redeems 4k)
Snatched (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Snow White and the Huntsman (ports to MA)
Spectre (redeems 4K)
Spy unrated (ports to MA)
Star Trek Beyond (redeems 4K)
Star Trek Into Darkness (redeems 4K)
Super 8 (redeems 4K split)
Taken 3 (ports to MA)
Ted (ports to MA)
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2014 (redeems 4K)
Terminator Genisys 4K (iTunes split) (redeems 4K)
The Book of Life (ports to MA)
The Bourne Legacy (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
The Fault In Our Stars (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
The Longest Ride (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
The Martian (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
The Maze Runner (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
The Maze Runner The Scorch Trials (ports to MA) (redeems 4k)
The Mountain Between Us (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
The Peanuts Movie (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
The Secret Life of Pets (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
The Wolf of Wall Street (split redeems 4K)
This is 40 (ports to MA)
Transformers Age of Extinction (split redeems 4K)
Transformers The Last Knight (split redeems 4K)
True Grit (redeems 4K)
Unbroken (ports to MA)
War for the Planet of the Apes (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Warm Bodies (split redeems 4K)
Why him (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
World War Z (split) (redeems 4K)
X-Men Apocalypse (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
X-Men Days of Future Past (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
XXX Return of Xander Cage (redeems 4K)
Zoolander No 2 (split)
ITUNES/MA/VUDU (SD) Redeem Codes (See Link Below)
https://www.reddit.com/uvtrade/comments/18ywl4j/offer_hd_and_sd_codes_my_list_requests_hdsd/
**ALL codes have been verified
MY ISO/Request list:
Dune Part Two MA
Hotel Transylvania: Transformania MA
Kung Fu Panda 4 MA
The Color Purple 2023 MA
Other new releases

Item Name Set Number: Batman Movie CMFs! (71017)
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Years ago, while researching cold cases, I stumbled upon an article from CNN published in 2009 about the FBI reopening a cold missing child case from 1959 https://www.cnn.com/2009/CRIME/06/22/alabama.barter.mystery/. Recently, having seen that this occured in Alabama, reminded me of a sex ring that was unmasked in 2012, which involved a disappearance of a woman aged 19. While incest was a key element of that ring, there were reportedly attempts to procure children from outside families too https://www.reddit.com/conspiracy/comments/1baof5o/the_israeli_connection_to_etan_patz/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button. If children from either of the main families had attended in-person school before the internet, they could've invited peers over to their house. Could've happened at a camp too, maybe even run by a major party to the ring. I don't know of any information of paper advertisements from the partys back then though. It doesn't make it impossible that a party could've resorted to abducting a stranger child at some point. But I did realize that this theory was purely speculative. I had heard of the sex ring being prosecuted in Mobile County. Perdido Bay is located in Baldwin County and Escambia County, the latter which is in Florida. But Mobile County wasn't the only jurisdiction where the Wood-linked sex ring was prosecuted. There was actually prosecution connected to the ring in Baldwin County.
Beyond these circumstances, what other clues are there to who could've taken Danny Barter? Some of these sources contain some more information https://int-missing.fandom.com/wiki/Danny_Barter http://littleboylost-dannybarter.1colony.com/.
What is the common denominator in the disappearances of Danny Barter, Jenny Klein, and Kurt Newton? They all disappeared while on a camping trip. Something that revived my interest in this? A skit from the last SNL episode of all things https://x.com/Robby42394165/status/1779352736619798769. I was kind of kidding when I said that. Kind of. This brought me to the disappearance of Dennis Martin https://x.com/Robby42394165/status/1779577720919441681.

Looking for an adult animated cartoon episode, at least I am pretty sure that is what it was. This was between 2011 and 2012 and I was at my grandparents house. I walked into me and my younger brothers room that we had there and he was watching the episode on the TV. When I asked him what it was he said it was MAD (the cartoon network show from that era) and I believed him, but it was absolutely not MAD.
It was animated like a MAD episode skit where the characters were really simply designed. It was just two guys, one younger white blond guy and another white guy with black hair and a beard. Which at the time even further convinced me that it was MAD because it looked like the host of Destroy Build Destroy, which is something that MAD had parodied at that point with their own animated short.
So the setting they were in was like the street of a medieval village. The two character talked for a bit and then the bearded guy said something which made a pouch of gold appear into the blond guy's hands. He was happy about it but then the bearded guy said something again and the pouch of gold poofed out of the blond guys hands, which made him respond with the only quote I remember "aw my gold" or something along those lines. That is all I remember from this scene because I think the bearded guy warped them to some other time in history.
The next two scenes I do not remember which came first but here they are. They are now suddenly in an empty movie theatre and the blond guy is pinned down to his seat with his eyes being held open by a machine. I'm pretty sure this was a Clockwork Orange reference. I don't remember where the bearded guy is in this scene but he is talking to the blond guy is some way. Being projected on the movie screen is a old timey video of a bunch of founding father-esque looking people getting ready to sign an old document. I remember the blond guy hating seeing this and it was something that he did not wanna see and was like freaking out the whole time while the bearded guy made him watch. I think the blond guy looked up to these founding father guys and the paper they were signing was showing that they were bad people but I could be wrong. That is all I remember from this scene. I think it ended after the paper was signed.
The last scene I remember is the blond guy now being in a suit of armor on a mountaintop of cliff edge fighting a Hydra, but instead its heads are of the founding father-esque people in the previous scene. Bearded guy is talking during this too but I don't remember where he was. The bearded guy was like some all powerful character who could manipulate scenarios like that as he pleased. I remember this was all happening because of the bearded guy and he was just taking the blond guy with him to show him stuff.
The best comparison to what the animation style looked like from memory is somewhere between Family Guy and Gravity Falls. After the show ended I remember telling my brother that we did not just watch MAD because it went on way too long and was the wrong TV channel. I also remember being confused why it was going on so long because I went in thinking it was a MAD skit, it must've went on for like 15-30 minutes. I even remember my grandpa walking in and confusingly asking what me and my brother was watching, which we just just responded with "MAD." After it ended and the credits rolled, I remember grabbing the remote and switching back to cartoon network or some other cartoon channel and correcting my brother that we in fact, did not just watch MAD. He doesn't remember it.
Anyways that almost wraps it up, the biggest reason I want to find this is because of how it affected me after I saw it. That night that I went to bed I had some dream about that show, I think it was about the hydra, and it really disturbed me. When I woke from the dream I couldn't sleep without the hallway light on the rest of the night, the rest of that night was awful. For years that followed after that, I couldn't sleep right, to the point where I was taken to doctors and they said I had sleep anxiety.
Sorry for that being a little long, hope something can be found, I've spent a lot of time searching to no avail.

I like to do random book reports on wrestlers and such I post in other subs and was curious if anyone here would appreciate these stories? If not let me know and I won't post here again.
It's one of the few wrestling books not presented in chronological order, so if you think it's odd this because I had to put it all in order myself. Each chapter is just random stories that jump back and forth from 1999 - 2015, so it was admittedly not easy to follow. I try to do all these reports in chronological order, though, so I did my best in that regard. But be warned, I may have messed up the timeframe on one or two occasions. I hope you can find something interesting...
Brian makes a quick joke about nepotism, but it's clear he kinda benefited from it. His uncle Howard Gerwitz is a moderately successful TV writer and producer with a ton of credits to his name from the 80s and 90s. Howard got Brian some of his early gigs, and while Brian tries to present himself as a naive kid who was giving good ideas and jokes to other writers, his uncle had to sit him down and tell him Brian needs to step up and that a lot of other writers would kill for his opportunities.
After several failed tv show writing credits, Brian found himself out of work and collecting unemployment for nearly a year. Until his sister, who worked at MTV, called him up, saying MTV is producing a ton of vignets for the SummerSlam 1999 ppv, and she got him the gig as writer for the vignets
While working those MTV vignets, he heard MTV wasn't happy that their exclusive match was just Hardy Boyz vs. Edge and Christian. I guess MTV got to air a match exclusively on their network and felt cheated when they didn't get Undertaker vs. Stone Cold.
Brian got to work with a ton of stars like Hardyz, Edge/Christian, Mick Foley, and Triple H, who he immediately got on the wrong side of. Brian didn't know Chyna would be there and so hadn't written anything for her. Brian says Triple H was very professional but was obviously annoyed and asked why Chyna had no lines.
Brian says he met The Rock for the first time here and kick-start a 2 decade-long partnership from here. Brian remembers how Rock read what Brian wrote for him, liked it, but then said the same thing he would say every single time Brian presented Rock material, "This is great, but how can we make it better?"
Brian says The Rock asked him to consider writing for the WWF and got him an interview. The first interview was basic "get to know you" with human resources. The next interview was with Vince Russo and Ed Ferrara. Brain calls Ed friendly, but he says Russo clearly just wanted it over with asap.
His next interview was with Shane McMahon, and while Brian says Shane is one of the warmest and nicest men he knows, his first impression was the opposite of that. Brian also remembers saying something about the Mets, to which Shane responded with "I'm a Yankees fan."
His final interview was with Vince McMahon, and Brian said they hit it off immediately, and it was like 2 old friends talking. Vince told Brian that the WWF would make him an offer he couldn't refuse. The offer was to write for their website, and Brian refused it.
Brian instead went to work on the show "Big Wolf On Campus" for the Fox Kids channel. (Side note: as a Canadian who grew up with YTV and Fox kids, this show was something of a guilty pleasure of my 11 year old self. Of course, Brian worked on it. I even did a dumb reddit post on it on the ytv retro subreddit group, lol.
After Russo and Ferarra jumped to WCW, Brian got a call back from WWF, and this time, as a writer for their tv shows.
Brian's first day was November 1st, 1999, and he remembers sitting in the production meeting and being uncomfortable because Vince didn't introduce him and about 60 wrestlers were staring at him and wondering what he was doing there.
The only other writer on staff was Tommy Blacha, and he took Brian under his wing. They had zero writing assignments, so they walked around with a pen and paper and asked random wrestlers if they needed help with a promo.
Brian remembers Tommy introducing him to everyone and even commenting on some people like, "No one knows what Sgt Slaughter does here."
After the show, he drove to the next town with Tommy, and the McMahon's, Shane driving, Vince in passenger, and Steph in the back with Tommy and Brian.
At one point, Vince said, "This is where we would dump your body if you did a bad job," and for some reason, Brian stupidly said, "Is that what happened to KoKo B Wear?" Brian said what followed was a very awkward and long silence.
Brian makes a note on the difference between writing WWE now and back then. He said he and Tommy would meet with Vince and Shane in Vince's hotel room the morning of the show and write the whole thing. Brian says Stephanie's job was to take food orders and say she wasn't a writer, but within a year, she would be head of creative.
Brian says if they were back in the hotel room on Monday night, they would put on WCW Nitro to laugh at while they planned the next show. He remembers Vince quoting a line from Nitro as hilariously bad whenever someone had a bad idea.
Brian remembers how one time Vince McMahon randomly said in a meeting, "What kind of name is AL Snow? That's awful!" And no one was talking about or bringing up Al Snow.
Brian remembers Vince once telling him that there was nothing funnier than someone stepping in dog shit, and if he could film an entire show of just that, he would.
Brian says in January 2000, Shane insisted on the writers learning what it's like to take a bump. They did a bit of basic stuff like a flat back and running the ropes, but Brian tapped out after 10 minutes. He says later, Bubba Ray Dudley gave him a powerbomb from the second rope as a bunch of wrestlers stopped watching. He says it knocked the wind out of him bad.
Brian says he got some of the boys to participate in Royal Rumble pools, where each guy would put $10 in the pot and pick a royal rumble number. If their number won, they would win the pot. At the 2000 Rumble, Al Snow was told he would be coming out at number 20, and Brian remembers Al just getting pissed off because number 20 was his Rumble Pool number. Brian remembers Al saying, "Ah shit, there goes $10 down the drain."
Brian says he got into a heated argument with Vince McMahon on Wrestlemania weekend in 2000 and was later told by Kevin Dunn to learn how to eat shit and like it.
One time, Brian used Vince's private office bathroom and accidentally locked himself in, missing a production meeting.
Brian remembers one time going over a promo with Degeneration-X and saying to them all, "Does anyone have any questions?" To which Billy Gunn replied with, "Yeah, who the fuck are you?"
Brian says he came up with the idea for The Rock to mock Triple H's speech cadence with the "uuuuhhh's" at the end of every sentence. He says Rock brought him to Triple H and Vince to suggest the idea and when it came time to demonstrate, Rock made Brian do it, saying, "Come on you do it like you did in the hallway, everyone was laughing!" Brian says his impression got a big laugh from Vince and nod from Triple H, but he could see the look on Triple H's face suggested otherwise.
Brian says he noticed Triple H started dropping the "Uuuhhh" pattern from his promos and thinks he deserves an apology. This is kind said tongue in cheek.
Brian says that Michael Cole would say the word "now" so much on air that Vince McMahon ended up fining Cole everytime he said the word, until Cole cut it out.
Brian says Triple H hated him from the start, and thinks the jokes about Stephanie McMahon that Brian wrote for Rock and Chris Jericho played a part in that. Brian remembers when Triple H was booked to lose to Brooklyn Brawler, that Triple H marched up to Brian backstage and said "This had to be you!"
Stone Cold didn't like Brian from the start, because Stone Cold left for a year the month that Brian started, and by the time Stone Cold came back, Vince was relying more on writers and Stone Cold even said in an interview with WWF Magazine that he wouldnt be taking orders from "some kid straight out of sitcom school."
Brian says most writers meetings would start with the question of "How is Stone Cold going to raise hell this week?" And Brian came to hate this because it felt forced. Vince wanted Brian to have a good relationship with Stone Cold but Steve was resistant at every turn. Austin would tell other guys like Bruce Pritchard and Micheal Hayes or later on Paul Heyman why he disagreed with an idea, but with Brian he would just say "Nope." And that was it.
Brian worked with The Rock on his legendary imitation promo leading up to the six man Hell in a Cell at Armageddon 2000. Brian said the promo pissed off the imitated guys quite a bit. In fact, he said Rock's exact words to Brian were, "Hey, great promo last night. By the way, the boys are fucking pissed!" After confirming with with Kurt Angle, whom Brian says he was friends with from the start, Brian realized he pissed off 5 top guys in one fell swoop. (I'd just say he pissed off 4 top guys and Rikishi)
Brian says he was known from that point on as a "Rock guy" and had a hard time working with other top stars like Stone Cold or Triple H.
Brian says Micheal Hayes and Bruce Pritchard joined the creative team in Feb 2001, though they worked in other roles prior to then. In JR's book, he describes Bruce as on the creative team as early as 1996 or 1997. Brian says Bruce was in Talent Relations prior to this, but according to JR that was only for a couple weeks between JJ Dillon and JR in the mid-90s.
Brian says he came up with the hilarious match finish where William Regal hit Big Show with the brass knuckles, only for Show to fall ontop of Regal and get the win.
Brian says he and Bruce Pritchard had to come up with backstories and personalities for all the XFL cheerleaders.
Brian remembers working on these awful vignents he and Bruce filmed with a bunch of XFL cheerleaders and players, saying he is still haunted by how bad they were.
Brian recalls an incident when Hayes and Pritchard tried to rib Brian, saying they are gonna tell Rock and Kurt Angle that Brian was bad mouthing them. An enraged Brain ended up slamming a hotel chair up against a wall. Stephanie told him the next day to take a couple days off. Brian says working nonstop on Wrestling and XFL stressed him to this point
In 2001, shortly after Wrestlemania that year, Brian remembers one day Edge gave him an action figure if The Flash superhero, but after Hardcore Holly saw this, the rumors started swirling that Edge & Christian were bribing writers for TV time. So Brian, Edge and Christian were hauled into "Wrestlers Court" to plead there case. "Wrestlers Court" was a silly concept where the boys would police themselves if someone backstage violated some unwritten rule, like a writer being friends with some of the boys. Brian found out about his "Wrestlers Court" hearing an hour before it happened.
Brian was warned by Stephanie McMahon that he should bring pizza and beer to "Wrestlers Court" so he got 1 large pizza and a six pack. Brian was shocked to find over 100 people present for "Wrestlers Court" including all the wrestlers, producers and even seamstresses and other random backstage officials.
One particular face present really pissed Brian off. It was fellow writer Jamie Morris, someone who started six months after Brian. Brian said this pissed him off so much, and so he marched up to Stephanie and told her Jamie has to leave. Brian said he would take his punishment but he won't have some asshole writer snickering in meetings and telling new writers about this. Brian said he was legit ready to quit. Brian says that to Stephanie's credit, she saw he was serious he was and had Jamie removed from the room.
Brian saw Triple H shaking his head in disgust at him as he sat next to Edge and Christian, with Brian trying to hide the 6 pack of beer under his chair. JBL was playing the role of "prosecution," Kane was the "baliff" and Undertaker was the "judge." JBL started by purposely mispronouncing Brian's last name trying to piss him off. Brian took the bait and told JBL to pronounce it right and then called this trial a sham. He expected a round of applause but instead was met with awkward silence and an even more pissed off Undertaker and Triple H.
Brian says Edge and Christian had been given a heads up because they had prepared a fake book as a gift titled "Edge and Christian's guide to kissing ass" and they got a big laugh from everyone. Brian was upset that they didn't warn him or invite him into their plan, because now all the heat had fallen on him.
Brian remembers Perry Saturn "testifying" at "Wrestlers Court" giving examples of all the times Brian failed to say hello or didn't shake Saturn's hand. Brian says he later imitated Saturn's testimony and that led to his moppy character arc. Brian says the moppy gimmick wasn't punishment of any kind and he genuinely thought it would get Saturn over.
Brian remembers XPac speaking as well and yelling a bunch of insults at Brian before Kane had to physically restrain XPac. Brian says he and XPac never got along, and again assumes it's because he wrote jokes for wrestlers to use against XPac in promos. Brian remembers one time he entered the male locker room and got yelled at by XPac because Brian wasn't talent. Brian remembers another time XPac yelled at Brian because Brian didn't recognize legend Lez Thatcher backstage once.
Hardcore Holly and Pat Patterson also testified with Holly detailing how he saw Edge give Brian the Flash toy and Pat screamed about Brian changes finishes to matches.
Paul Heyman testified about how Brian once said he didn't have to shake Funaki's hand. Brian explains how he had already greeted Funkai earlier that day but it didn't matter, it seemed like the writer was big shotting a beloved jobber.
Brian said he noticed Kurt Angle shaking his head in disgust because he was friends with Brian, but when JBL asked if Kurt wanted to speak, Kurt said no. Brian felt that was a betrayal. Brian said he also noticed Stone Cold get up and walk out of the room around this time. He thinks Stone Cold saw himself as above this silliness.
Undertaker dismissed the trial and afterwards Vince had a good laugh when he asked Brian how it went. Brian said it took him a while, but eventually he saw the honor in being the first writer ever sent to wrestlers court, that this is how the boys brought you in closer.
Pat Patterson later apologized to Brian for his remarks, with Pat saying he thought it was all a silly rib and didn't realize how upset some guys genuinely were. Paul Heyman later told Brian that the Dudley Boys had overheard their conversation about Funaki, so Paul felt like he had to say it first.
Brian would later ask Hardcore Holly if they were cool, to which Holly said "Fuck no!" And stormed off.
Brian quickly mentions how the guy who was managing the WWE restaurant in New York, actually stole over $400,000 while running the place until it closed down.
In 2002, after The Rock cut a scathing promo on NWO, where he called Kevin Nash, "Big Daddy Bitch" Brian says that Kevin Nash and Scott Hall were both pretty upset by the promo. Brian remembers how later when Nash got physical in the ring with Rock, there is a spot where he shoves Rock into the corner and screams in Rocks face, "Who's the bitch now!" Brian says Nash was legit hot over insult.
Brain seemed shocked when WWE announced a brand split and said there would be 2 creative teams, one headed by Paul Heyman, and one headed by Brian. Brian says he and Paul butted heads over everything and Paul would tell Brian, "It's okay we fight, I was hired to fight with you."
Brian and Paul heard the rosters for each show and considering how close Brian was to all the guys on SmackDown, he assumed that would be his show. All the guys on RAW were close with Heyman, so both guys were shocked when Vince gave RAW to Brian and SmackDown to Heyman. Brian thinks this was Vince trying to get each writer to get out of their comfort zones.
Brian said he pitched Stone Cold vs Brock Lesnar on free TV, citing how Hogan vs Andre at Shea Stadium in the early 80s didn't take away from their match at Wrestlemania 3. He says Vince and all the writers/ agents and producers debated this before Vince decided it was the right call. Obviously Stone Cold hated it and it was the breaking point to him walking out on the WWE. I've never heard it mention that it originally came from Brian though.
One time on a plane, Paul Heyman got so upset with Brian that he offered Brian 3 free punches to Paul, so long as Paul got just 1 free one after. Brian declined, despite an excited Shane McMahon offering to show Brian how to punch.
Brian says he was on a RAW conference call when someone randomly dropped out of the call. Everyone was accounted for so someone extra was listening in. The call was traced back to Paul Heyman's number, though Brian says Paul denies it was him.
Brian says he would mock and imitate Paul Heyman on those calls, and wonders how many times Paul was listening in. He also suggests that Paul was feeding dirt sheet websites disparaging information on Brian.
Brian says one time he pissed Paul off so much that Paul lunged at him and had to be pulled off. Stephanie McMahon ended up suspending both men for a week, with pay. Brian says Micheal Hayes tried to stick up for him and tell Stephanie that the incident was all on Paul.
Brian says he and Paul Heyman agreed that bringing back Vince Russo in summer 2002 was a mistake. Brian said he didn't think it relevant for his book, but lately Russo told a deranged version of the story where he met with "20 nameless and faceless writers" who all "buried me to Vince afterwards." In truth, Russo met with Brian, Heyman, Hayes, and Pritchard and pitched several bad ideas that Vince McMahon ended up hearing about and hating. Brian says Vince said to the writers, "I'm sorry I brought back that asshole." Brian says they didn't bury his ideas, but presented them as Russo did, and Vince hated them all.
Some of Russo's ideas included "bringing in Eric Bishoff to fued with Shane McMahon because everyone knows their real life heat." As well as "Stripping The Undertaker of his WWE Championship "because he isn't hip or cool and then having a tournament that RVD should win." He also suggested turning top heel Triple H babyface by reforming DX and bringing back Chyna. Russo didn't know the main event of Mania that year was Triple H vs. Chris Jericho and asked the writers what they thought of those 2 working a program together.
Vince wanted a big "cliff hanger" ending for the RAW Roulette episode in 2002, so he told the writers, "What if Triple H comes out after Kane wins the TLC match and calls him a murderer to end the show?" When they asked Vince what happens next, it sounds like Vince channeled his inner Ole Anderson when he said,"I don't know, you're the writers, you figure it out."
Originally Kane was to have "killed" a young developmental star named Shane Vick, but when Vince deemed Shane too green, they kept the name Vick, but used it on a fictional character whom they called Katie.
Brian remembers Triple H asking a million questions about the angle and telling everyone how stupid he thought it was.
Brian remembers seeing Kane, who is a pro and always 100% on board with ideas, die inside as they explained this new backstory to him where he had a high school girlfriend and he accidentally killed her. Brian says Stephanie was assigned to write the big promo that explained it and says she looked shell-shocked all day with that assignment.
Brian says he tried to point out in meetings how this new backstory contradicted Kane's previous backstory, but Vince blew those concerns off.
Brian also remembers how Vince was strangely obsessed with the idea of using Kane's semen in the story and promo.
Brian says no one objected when Vince pitched the idea of Triple H imitating Kane and having sex with a corpse. Brian said no one stood up to object, but everyone one of them should have.
Vince apparently wanted the segment to end with Triple H scooping some goop out of Katie's head and flinging it at the wall, before saying, "I just fucked your brains out!" Wow.
When they filmed the segment at a real funeral home, there was a real legit funeral happening down the hall. Brian says Triple H and Bruce Pritchard tried to save face by attempting to do it as over the top and silly possible, but Vince insisted on it being 100% serious.
Bruce Pritchard was the one who pitched Roddy Piper interfering in Hulk Hogan vs Mr McMahon match at Wrestlemania 19.
Brian remembers how tense Roddy and Vince got in rooms together, saying while they respected one another, it was clear they drove each other insane while talking anything over.
Brian says Rock turned heel after getting a lukewarm response to a prepared video he sent in when RAW celebrated the best Superstar of the decade by fan vote. Brian says Stone Cold winning the vote also helped push Rock towards deciding on the heel turn.
Brian says the Hurricane/ Rock stuff from 2003 was his idea and something he pushed after he bonded with Hurricane over their mutual love of comic books. Its stuff like this that leads credence to Hardcore Holly's issues with Brian imo.
In 2003, the night after Wrestlemania 19, Brian was working with The Rock and Goldberg, going over their planned confrontation for the show that night. Brian remembers how hesitant Goldberg was to do anything that someone else did before him. First, Brian and Rock pitched Goldberg and Rock standing face to face to soak in the crowd, but Goldber said, "I ain't Hulk Hogan." Then Brian pitched Goldberg starting on the ring to say his line, but Goldberg said, "I ain't Chris Jericho." So they settled on the two men circling each other in the ring because no one else had really done that one with The Rock before.
Brian says he was the one who pitched the lame Goldust/ Goldberg backstage segment where Goldust put his wig on Goldberg. Brian says that's an example of an idea looking better on paper than in real life.
Brian says Goldberg resisted almost every idea and kept asking them to just do what WCW did with him.
Brian remembers one time, Michael Hayes legitimately asked him "Do Jews celebrate Thanksgiving?"
Brian says he got to write the first Pipers Pit Segment in over a decade, with Vince as the guest. Brian says it was done old school, with guys going over a few points before calling it all on the fly in the ring. Brian remembers how Vince legitimately pissed Roddy off by pointing out his big gut, so Roddy responded by pointing out Vince's failures and said the only thing Vince was succesful at was the thing his daddy handed to him. He also called Vince "Junior" which Vince hated.
During the infamous "Diss the Diva" segment of the 2003 Diva Search Competition, one of the contestants called another girl a "cum-burping gutter slut" on live TV. (look it up, its fucking amazing they let these women loose on the mic like that) Brian says a few guys backstage were upset because they can't even call someone a "bitch."
Brian was put in charge of writing two segments at Wrestlemania 21, the Hulk and Eugene confronted by Muhammed Hassain and the Pipers Pit with Stone Cold. He quickly wrote up the Hogan slot before devoting all attention to the Pipers Pit segment.
Vince gave Brian 2 directives for the Wrestlemania 21 Pipers Pit segment, Brian was to keep them within their alloted time and Brian was to ensure no one swore. Roddy promised not to, but almost immediately he screamed "Bullshit" at the crowd. Brian and Vince were at Gorilla Position with headsets on when this happened. An irate Vince jumped up and yelled at Brian, "Did you know he would do that!?" When Brian said no, Vince slammed his own headset on the table and screamed "Fuck!"
Vince told Brian he had to scold Roddy afterward, and when Brian tried to, Roddy asked if "bullshit" was even a swear word before laughing it off.
In 2005, Brian was asked by Vince to write a full movie script for Eugene. They wanted it to be like "Pee-Wee's Big Adventure" but with the wrestler Eugene. Brian said he spent months writing the first draft and finished up around SummerSlam 2005. That was the event where Eugene got squashed by Kurt Angle and the fans boo'd the shit out of the babyface. Plans for the movie were scrapped immediately.
Brian said he would try to avoid Wrestlemania after parties because as a writer, he would usually spend the whole party being cornered by various drunk wrestlers who were pitching ideas that would never make it to air.
Brian says when he pitched Edge slapping John Cena's dad, Cena just smiled and said, "So your gonna get a taste of Johnny Fabulous huh? Have fun." When Brian Googled John Cena Sr, he was shocked to find the man already worked the independents as "Johnny Fabulous" an over the top manager. When they filmed at the house, they couldn't get John Cena Sr to act normal, he just kept cutting over the top promos about beating up Edge with lines like "sending you over the moon with a baking spoon!" The next day when they showed Vince the footage, he honestly said, "This might be the worst thing we have ever done."
Both Brian and Bruce Pritchard produced the segment, but when Vince saw it, he just said to Bruce, "I'm very disappointed in you Bruce." Brian knew it was wrong, but he kept his mouth shut and let Bruce take all the blame.
Brian says he pitched Roddy Piper and Ric Flair winning the tag titles in 2006, because he wanted to see his childhood hero Piper with a title. He said it's the only time he pitched something just because he wanted to see it as a fan.
Brian also backs up everyone else's claim that the Cyber Sunday/Taboo Tuesday voting was 100% legitimate and something Vince insisted on, while plenty of people backstage thought they should rig the voting.
Brian says he was the one who pitched Mike Adamle as RAW GM in 2008. Brian says he pitched it as opposed to a heel or babyface GM, Mike was supposed to be the clueless, in over his head and maybe a tad offensive boss. Brian essentially pitched it like Micheal Scott from The Office being GM of RAW. The only issue? Mike Adamle wasn't a comedic actor nor near as talented as Steve Carell.
After Adamle was out, someone suggested the idea of a rotating GM position with various names and Stephanie McMahon pitched an idea of it maybe being a celebrity. Vince's eyes lit up as he said, "what about a new celebrity GM every week!" And thus, the terrible "Guest GM Era" of RAW was born. Vince wanted mainstream exposure from the concept.
Brian remembers being told by Jeremy Pivon's team prior to him coming in to host, that Jeremy wanted a big entrance and big pink robe. They later heard back that Jeremy Pivon hated everything they pitched in the script, including the pink robe.
Ken Jeong was worried about the bump he had to take where Cena would toss him from the ring into a bunch of wrestlers. Ken was assured that he would be caught, but of course his head hit the mat so hard he needed stitches. Ken was thrilled about it though and wore the stitches like a badge of honor backstage, showing them to everyone.
Brian says the day they brought Mike Tyson in as guest host, Tyson actually went missing for an hour or so very close to showtime. Turns out he was just getting stoned and didn't want to do it around his kids who he brought with him.
A writer at the time named Erik was a huge old school fan and had a magazine from the 80's which featured both Hulk Hogan and Mike Tyson on the cover with a hypothetical dream match being the centerpiece of the magazine. Erik brought it to the show after seeing Tyson signed a glove for Brian, and Erik asked Tyson to sign this 20+ year old magazine. Tyson flipped out when he saw it and said, "Oh my God! The magazine with me and Hogan! I've been looking for this for years! You don't mind if I keep this do you? Okay bye!" And Tyson walked off with the magazine before the writer could even respond. Brian says he feels bad but calls this one of the funniest things he was ever present for.
Brian remembers Vince McMahon and Michael Hayes being very excited when they got Cheech and Chong to come guest host.
Brian is a self admitted massive Price is Right fan so he was thrilled to write all the Price is Right segments. Bob Barker was there to promote his book and his animal charity. Vince made sure to have the book all over the screen and advertised, but initially pushed the segment promoting his animal charity group to WWE website instead. Bob wasn't happy with this and called them to his hotel when he made it clear this was a deal breaker. Brian called Vince and they got the segment back on the air.
Brian remembers Bob Barker being impressed by Brian who actually read his book.
Brian said Chris Jericho needed to be convinced on the idea of wearing his Price is Right nametag on his bare chest.
Brian says no one had anyone idea who the Anonymous RAW GM would be, with Vince just saying they will figure it out eventually. There was no end game.
One time Brian pitched the Anonymous GM speaking but using a Stephen Hawking type voice, but Vince McMahon had no idea who Stephen Hawking was. After Brian tried and failed at explaining the voice, Vince made Brian do the voice for the show and just imitate a robot. It sounded bad but Brian had fun with it and it made him appreciate how tough it is for the guys to follow the script and not improvise. Brian makes a comment here saying he hopes fully scripted promos just go away in the future and that the bullet point apporach is better. Not something you expect from a writer tbh.
Brian remembers one time Chris Jericho got NFL star Terrell Owens confused for rapper Ney-O and was upset that Owens didn't want to talk music with him.
When Stephanie McMahon was moved into a higher management role in 2010, Brian got her job but essentially crashed pretty hard. He couldn't handle the responsibilities of it as well as with it while also still trying to write. He ended up blowing off an important meeting so he could write, which resulted in him losing his new gig and being back to just writing the show.
At Survivor Series 2010, Brian had a line for Miz but Vince thought it was too sports related and they argued over it. It was a heated argument where they kept tension between Brian and Vince for weeks until Brian tried to bury the hatchet by pointing out the perception of the other writers. Vince reasoned with "Fuck them and fuck you too."
Eventually he and Vince sat down to discuss the issues and it was a heated hour long talk where Vince accused Brian of not being a team player and just trying to get his own shit in. Brian later found out that Vince started looking for Brian's replacement after that meeting, but also says he started looking for work elsewhere as well.
In 2010, The Rock called Vince and said he wanted to come "give back" to the WWE. Vince suggested a match and Rock said no. Hilariously enough, when Vince suggested a 3 year Wrestlemania main event story with a couple of matches, Rock said yes immediately. Brian doesn't say it, but it sounds like Rock's position on the Mania card was a big factor in whether or not he was coming back.
When The Rock came back to WWE in 2011, Vince said to Brian, "You get to work with The Rock on his promos. It's the easiest job in the world."
Vince didnt want to leak that Rock was coming back so they didn't mention his name in production meetings and Rock wasn't on the RAW call sheet for the night he came back. Apparently, John Cena wasn't even told that Rock was coming back.
Brian worked with Rock for his big promo when he came back and while he can't confirm this, he suspects John Cena wasn't too happy with it. He isn't sure whether it was the promo itself or how John wasn't told about the 3 year Mania plan beforehand.
A week after John Cena cut a rap style promo on Rock, the plan was to spoof a recent "Funny or Die" skit (the ome where Will Ferral gets insulted by a toddler) and have a 10 year old kid rap a bunch of insults at Rock and Cena. This was filmed the day before it was set to air, but when it came time to film, the father of the kid refused to let him say anything. So Rock improvised his own promo that came off as a little harsh towards Cena. Vince McMahon wasn't thrilled with the end result either.
Brian makes it a point to say that outside of WWE, he calls The Rock "DJ" but when they are at WWE shows, he calls him "Rock" like everyone else. I think Brian wants us al to know how close he and The Rock are.
Brian says Rock came up with all his catchphrases, except one. Brian said he thought of "The People's Stroudle," but it's clear Brian is mocking himself here.
Brian stresses that The Rock doesn't use scripted promos, but Brian and Rock come up with some fun lines and bullet points. Brian says he would stand behind the camera in backstage promos with "cue cards" of lines or bullet points for the Rock. The Rock wore shades, so you couldn't tell he was reading.
At a live event in Australia that year, Cena cut a blistering promo on Rock, calling him a liar for coming back and then leaving again. This legit pissed The Rock off, so he cut a scathing promo on Facebook and this legit pissed Cena off. Vince was pissed and told both guys to go radio silent on the other until they were back in the same ring together.
At Survivor Series 2011, the Rock sang a song backstage and had Brian hold the words up behind the camera for him. Brian fucked up and held the cards the wrong way so Rock had to remember the lines off the top of his head. It was nearly a disaster because it was a live promo at Madison Square Garden.
The first night Cena and Rock were in the same locker room together since Survivor Series a few months earlier, Cena and Rock went over their promos and Brian remembers it being cordial. Rock went out first, and in Gorilla, John was waiting for his cue when he spotted lines written on The Rock's arm, but Brian didn't think this was a big deal since Roddy Piper had done that back in 2003 when he returned. Cena figured because the lines were visible on the monitors, that it was fair game to talk about. Brian thinks Cena went too far by mentioning the lines in the promo, and while Rock played it off as cool, Brian knew Rock was pissed.
Brian says that after Cena called out Rock on live TV for the lines being on his arm, they stopped meeting beforehand to go over their promos or what would be said. Brian said it was his job to be the middle man and relay what each guy was planning to the other.
Brian criticizes Cena for undercutting Rock's seriousness in the ring with kids jokes and by smiling and laughing (no selling) everything Rock said. Brian said Cena only got serious on the mic once Rock left the ring.
One week when Rock couldn't be there, he cut a tapped promo, so Cena doctored his own custom Rock shirt that said "Bring It ... Via Satellite." When Cena got backstage he alledgedly whipped the tshirt at Brian who was sitting Gorilla. Brian says he still has the shirt.
When Cena did his Thugganomics rap, Brian sat watching with Rock, who smiled and said what he had planned that night would be better. Later that night The Rock did one of his Rock Concerts performances and Brian remembers watching from Gorilla and hearing Cena yell, "That's the Rock I've been wating for!" With a huge grin on Cena's face. Cena waited in Gorilla for Rock so he could personally congratulate Rock on the segment. Brian says the tensions cooled a bit following that night and the rest of their program went off with no issues.
Brian knew Rock was going back to Holywood after Wrestlemania 28 and he wanted to go with him. He reached out to Rock's business partner and heard of a production company they were starting soon. Brian was invited to be part of it when it was ready to go.
In October 2012, RAW got one of its lowest ratings of all time, so Vince panicked and wanted change across the board. They offered Brian 2 options, he could resign from WWE or take a consulting role with a reduced salary. Considering how Brian was just waiting for Rock's production company to start, he took the reduced salary role.
Brian takea a moment to dispute dirt sheet claims on him being forced out, how his consultant role was meaningless and how he had no say. He refutes all claims. He says Vince used a lot of his ideas or suggestions in this time.
Brian notes how the Cena/Rock return program in 2013 was a lot more cordial and enjoyable for all involved, with all that past tension and animosity gone. Cena and Rock have been friends ever since, according to Brian.
Brian says he wrote the Kane and Daniel Bryan therapy session segment from 2013, and it was inspired by Dr Evil's therapy session from the Austin Powers movie.
Brian says that Vince was paranoid about leaks going into Wrestlemania 30 with Hogan, Rock, and Austin all coming up to start the show. So he didn't tell Hogan about Rock or Austin coming out, just told Hogan to react appropriately to whomever interrupts him. Hogan had no idea that Rock and Austion would join him at Mania 30, according to Brian.
Brian remembers Stephanie McMahon once saying to Brian that she wished Vince listened to her, as he did to Brian.
Brian said one time Vince McMahon told him he loves confrontation so much that he looks forward to being pulled over by a cop.
Backstage at Wrestlemania 30, before the show started, The Rock told Brian that he heard Brock Lesnar would be ending the streak. It's interesting that Rock knew hours beforehand and was telling people, and it didn't leak.
Brian says that Triple H/ Stephanie vs Ronda Rousey/ Kurt Angle was originally planned with Rock as Rousey's partner with the seeds planted at Wrestlemania 31 where all 4 had a confrontation at the show. Rock's movie schedule put the nix on that, and eventually, they went with Kurt.
After spending several years working side jobs for Rock's production company, in mid-2015, Brian finally got the call that the production company is ready for him to come on full time. Brian's last day with WWE was June 29, 2015. Vince told Brian that he loved him when they said their goodbyes, and Brian was genuinely taken back by that.
Every wrestling book has several pictures included, Brian's book is the first and only book I've seen where one of these pictures is just a screenshot from a 2016 Reddit post on that Squared Circle sub (That I'm banned from) Someone made a post theorizing that Brian Gewertz wasn't a real person, and Brian found this funny. The post in question
Brian briefly shades Jim Cornette, who has publicly criticized having "comedy writers" in wrestling, since Jim got in trouble for making a bad racist joke on Tv a couple years before the book came out.
Brian spent 16 years working in WWE and was called the "Hollywood Guy" the entire time, now that he is back in Hollywood and working on shows like "Young Rock" he is known as the "Wrestling Guy."
Brian is greatful for his time in WWE because in Hollywood everyone always tries to act tough and intimidate you, but after a decade and a half of fighting with Vince McMahon, Brian feels like he can't be intimidated anymore.
Fun book, but not nearly as self-aware as I was hoping. I don't know if I'd recommend it, to be honest, but I'm glad I read it.

(If this type of content isn't for this sub, let me know, and I won't post here again. In the past, I posted here about The Young Bucks book, and it got some fun responses, but I understand this may not be the same)
Hey y'all, I love to do random wrestling book reports, and my latest one is someone this Sub may have an opinion on. The Rock's personal stooge/ writer, Brian Gewirtz, who worked for WWE for over 15 years.
It's one of the few wrestling books not presented in chronological order, so if you think it's odd this because I had to put it all in order myself. Each chapter is just random stories that jump back and forth from 1999 - 2015, so it was admittedly not easy to follow. I try to do all these reports in chronological order, though, so I did my best in that regard. But be warned, I may have messed up the timeframe on one or two occasions. I hope you can find something interesting...
Brian makes a quick joke about nepotism, but it's clear he kinda benefited from it. His uncle Howard Gerwitz is a moderately successful TV writer and producer with a ton of credits to his name from the 80s and 90s. Howard got Brian some of his early gigs, and while Brian tries to present himself as a naive kid who was giving good ideas and jokes to other writers, his uncle had to sit him down and tell him Brian needs to step up and that a lot of other writers would kill for his opportunities.
After several failed tv show writing credits, Brian found himself out of work and collecting unemployment for nearly a year. Until his sister, who worked at MTV, called him up, saying MTV is producing a ton of vignets for the SummerSlam 1999 ppv, and she got him the gig as writer for the vignets
While working those MTV vignets, he heard MTV wasn't happy that their exclusive match was just Hardy Boyz vs. Edge and Christian. I guess MTV got to air a match exclusively on their network and felt cheated when they didn't get Undertaker vs. Stone Cold.
Brian got to work with a ton of stars like Hardyz, Edge/Christian, Mick Foley, and Triple H, who he immediately got on the wrong side of. Brian didn't know Chyna would be there and so hadn't written anything for her. Brian says Triple H was very professional but was obviously annoyed and asked why Chyna had no lines.
Brian says he met The Rock for the first time here and kick-start a 2 decade-long partnership from here. Brian remembers how Rock read what Brian wrote for him, liked it, but then said the same thing he would say every single time Brian presented Rock material, "This is great, but how can we make it better?"
Brian says The Rock asked him to consider writing for the WWF and got him an interview. The first interview was basic "get to know you" with human resources. The next interview was with Vince Russo and Ed Ferrara. Brain calls Ed friendly, but he says Russo clearly just wanted it over with asap.
His next interview was with Shane McMahon, and while Brian says Shane is one of the warmest and nicest men he knows, his first impression was the opposite of that. Brian also remembers saying something about the Mets, to which Shane responded with "I'm a Yankees fan."
His final interview was with Vince McMahon, and Brian said they hit it off immediately, and it was like 2 old friends talking. Vince told Brian that the WWF would make him an offer he couldn't refuse. The offer was to write for their website, and Brian refused it.
Brian instead went to work on the show "Big Wolf On Campus" for the Fox Kids channel. (Side note: as a Canadian who grew up with YTV and Fox kids, this show was something of a guilty pleasure of my 11 year old self. Of course, Brian worked on it. I even did a dumb reddit post on it on the ytv retro subreddit group, lol.
After Russo and Ferarra jumped to WCW, Brian got a call back from WWF, and this time, as a writer for their tv shows.
Brian's first day was November 1st, 1999, and he remembers sitting in the production meeting and being uncomfortable because Vince didn't introduce him and about 60 wrestlers were staring at him and wondering what he was doing there.
The only other writer on staff was Tommy Blacha, and he took Brian under his wing. They had zero writing assignments, so they walked around with a pen and paper and asked random wrestlers if they needed help with a promo.
Brian remembers Tommy introducing him to everyone and even commenting on some people like, "No one knows what Sgt Slaughter does here."
After the show, he drove to the next town with Tommy, and the McMahon's, Shane driving, Vince in passenger, and Steph in the back with Tommy and Brian.
At one point, Vince said, "This is where we would dump your body if you did a bad job," and for some reason, Brian stupidly said, "Is that what happened to KoKo B Wear?" Brian said what followed was a very awkward and long silence.
Brian makes a note on the difference between writing WWE now and back then. He said he and Tommy would meet with Vince and Shane in Vince's hotel room the morning of the show and write the whole thing. Brian says Stephanie's job was to take food orders and say she wasn't a writer, but within a year, she would be head of creative.
Brian says if they were back in the hotel room on Monday night, they would put on WCW Nitro to laugh at while they planned the next show. He remembers Vince quoting a line from Nitro as hilariously bad whenever someone had a bad idea.
Brian remembers how one time Vince McMahon randomly said in a meeting, "What kind of name is AL Snow? That's awful!" And no one was talking about or bringing up Al Snow.
Brian remembers Vince once telling him that there was nothing funnier than someone stepping in dog shit, and if he could film an entire show of just that, he would.
Brian says in January 2000, Shane insisted on the writers learning what it's like to take a bump. They did a bit of basic stuff like a flat back and running the ropes, but Brian tapped out after 10 minutes. He says later, Bubba Ray Dudley gave him a powerbomb from the second rope as a bunch of wrestlers stopped watching. He says it knocked the wind out of him bad.
Brian says he got some of the boys to participate in Royal Rumble pools, where each guy would put $10 in the pot and pick a royal rumble number. If their number won, they would win the pot. At the 2000 Rumble, Al Snow was told he would be coming out at number 20, and Brian remembers Al just getting pissed off because number 20 was his Rumble Pool number. Brian remembers Al saying, "Ah shit, there goes $10 down the drain."
Brian says he got into a heated argument with Vince McMahon on Wrestlemania weekend in 2000 and was later told by Kevin Dunn to learn how to eat shit and like it.
One time, Brian used Vince's private office bathroom and accidentally locked himself in, missing a production meeting.
Brian remembers one time going over a promo with Degeneration-X and saying to them all, "Does anyone have any questions?" To which Billy Gunn replied with, "Yeah, who the fuck are you?"
Brian says he came up with the idea for The Rock to mock Triple H's speech cadence with the "uuuuhhh's" at the end of every sentence. He says Rock brought him to Triple H and Vince to suggest the idea and when it came time to demonstrate, Rock made Brian do it, saying, "Come on you do it like you did in the hallway, everyone was laughing!" Brian says his impression got a big laugh from Vince and nod from Triple H, but he could see the look on Triple H's face suggested otherwise.
Brian says he noticed Triple H started dropping the "Uuuhhh" pattern from his promos and thinks he deserves an apology. This is kind said tongue in cheek.
Brian says that Michael Cole would say the word "now" so much on air that Vince McMahon ended up fining Cole everytime he said the word, until Cole cut it out.
Brian says Triple H hated him from the start, and thinks the jokes about Stephanie McMahon that Brian wrote for Rock and Chris Jericho played a part in that. Brian remembers when Triple H was booked to lose to Brooklyn Brawler, that Triple H marched up to Brian backstage and said "This had to be you!"
Stone Cold didn't like Brian from the start, because Stone Cold left for a year the month that Brian started, and by the time Stone Cold came back, Vince was relying more on writers and Stone Cold even said in an interview with WWF Magazine that he wouldnt be taking orders from "some kid straight out of sitcom school."
Brian says most writers meetings would start with the question of "How is Stone Cold going to raise hell this week?" And Brian came to hate this because it felt forced. Vince wanted Brian to have a good relationship with Stone Cold but Steve was resistant at every turn. Austin would tell other guys like Bruce Pritchard and Micheal Hayes or later on Paul Heyman why he disagreed with an idea, but with Brian he would just say "Nope." And that was it.
Brian worked with The Rock on his legendary imitation promo leading up to the six man Hell in a Cell at Armageddon 2000. Brian said the promo pissed off the imitated guys quite a bit. In fact, he said Rock's exact words to Brian were, "Hey, great promo last night. By the way, the boys are fucking pissed!" After confirming with with Kurt Angle, whom Brian says he was friends with from the start, Brian realized he pissed off 5 top guys in one fell swoop. (I'd just say he pissed off 4 top guys and Rikishi)
Brian says he was known from that point on as a "Rock guy" and had a hard time working with other top stars like Stone Cold or Triple H.
Brian says Micheal Hayes and Bruce Pritchard joined the creative team in Feb 2001, though they worked in other roles prior to then. In JR's book, he describes Bruce as on the creative team as early as 1996 or 1997. Brian says Bruce was in Talent Relations prior to this, but according to JR that was only for a couple weeks between JJ Dillon and JR in the mid-90s.
Brian says he came up with the hilarious match finish where William Regal hit Big Show with the brass knuckles, only for Show to fall ontop of Regal and get the win.
Brian says he and Bruce Pritchard had to come up with backstories and personalities for all the XFL cheerleaders.
Brian remembers working on these awful vignents he and Bruce filmed with a bunch of XFL cheerleaders and players, saying he is still haunted by how bad they were.
Brian recalls an incident when Hayes and Pritchard tried to rib Brian, saying they are gonna tell Rock and Kurt Angle that Brian was bad mouthing them. An enraged Brain ended up slamming a hotel chair up against a wall. Stephanie told him the next day to take a couple days off. Brian says working nonstop on Wrestling and XFL stressed him to this point
In 2001, shortly after Wrestlemania that year, Brian remembers one day Edge gave him an action figure if The Flash superhero, but after Hardcore Holly saw this, the rumors started swirling that Edge & Christian were bribing writers for TV time. So Brian, Edge and Christian were hauled into "Wrestlers Court" to plead there case. "Wrestlers Court" was a silly concept where the boys would police themselves if someone backstage violated some unwritten rule, like a writer being friends with some of the boys. Brian found out about his "Wrestlers Court" hearing an hour before it happened.
Brian was warned by Stephanie McMahon that he should bring pizza and beer to "Wrestlers Court" so he got 1 large pizza and a six pack. Brian was shocked to find over 100 people present for "Wrestlers Court" including all the wrestlers, producers and even seamstresses and other random backstage officials.
One particular face present really pissed Brian off. It was fellow writer Jamie Morris, someone who started six months after Brian. Brian said this pissed him off so much, and so he marched up to Stephanie and told her Jamie has to leave. Brian said he would take his punishment but he won't have some asshole writer snickering in meetings and telling new writers about this. Brian said he was legit ready to quit. Brian says that to Stephanie's credit, she saw he was serious he was and had Jamie removed from the room.
Brian saw Triple H shaking his head in disgust at him as he sat next to Edge and Christian, with Brian trying to hide the 6 pack of beer under his chair. JBL was playing the role of "prosecution," Kane was the "baliff" and Undertaker was the "judge." JBL started by purposely mispronouncing Brian's last name trying to piss him off. Brian took the bait and told JBL to pronounce it right and then called this trial a sham. He expected a round of applause but instead was met with awkward silence and an even more pissed off Undertaker and Triple H.
Brian says Edge and Christian had been given a heads up because they had prepared a fake book as a gift titled "Edge and Christian's guide to kissing ass" and they got a big laugh from everyone. Brian was upset that they didn't warn him or invite him into their plan, because now all the heat had fallen on him.
Brian remembers Perry Saturn "testifying" at "Wrestlers Court" giving examples of all the times Brian failed to say hello or didn't shake Saturn's hand. Brian says he later imitated Saturn's testimony and that led to his moppy character arc. Brian says the moppy gimmick wasn't punishment of any kind and he genuinely thought it would get Saturn over.
Brian remembers XPac speaking as well and yelling a bunch of insults at Brian before Kane had to physically restrain XPac. Brian says he and XPac never got along, and again assumes it's because he wrote jokes for wrestlers to use against XPac in promos. Brian remembers one time he entered the male locker room and got yelled at by XPac because Brian wasn't talent. Brian remembers another time XPac yelled at Brian because Brian didn't recognize legend Lez Thatcher backstage once.
Hardcore Holly and Pat Patterson also testified with Holly detailing how he saw Edge give Brian the Flash toy and Pat screamed about Brian changes finishes to matches.
Paul Heyman testified about how Brian once said he didn't have to shake Funaki's hand. Brian explains how he had already greeted Funkai earlier that day but it didn't matter, it seemed like the writer was big shotting a beloved jobber.
Brian said he noticed Kurt Angle shaking his head in disgust because he was friends with Brian, but when JBL asked if Kurt wanted to speak, Kurt said no. Brian felt that was a betrayal. Brian said he also noticed Stone Cold get up and walk out of the room around this time. He thinks Stone Cold saw himself as above this silliness.
Undertaker dismissed the trial and afterwards Vince had a good laugh when he asked Brian how it went. Brian said it took him a while, but eventually he saw the honor in being the first writer ever sent to wrestlers court, that this is how the boys brought you in closer.
Pat Patterson later apologized to Brian for his remarks, with Pat saying he thought it was all a silly rib and didn't realize how upset some guys genuinely were. Paul Heyman later told Brian that the Dudley Boys had overheard their conversation about Funaki, so Paul felt like he had to say it first.
Brian would later ask Hardcore Holly if they were cool, to which Holly said "Fuck no!" And stormed off.
Brian quickly mentions how the guy who was managing the WWE restaurant in New York, actually stole over $400,000 while running the place until it closed down.
In 2002, after The Rock cut a scathing promo on NWO, where he called Kevin Nash, "Big Daddy Bitch" Brian says that Kevin Nash and Scott Hall were both pretty upset by the promo. Brian remembers how later when Nash got physical in the ring with Rock, there is a spot where he shoves Rock into the corner and screams in Rocks face, "Who's the bitch now!" Brian says Nash was legit hot over insult.
Brain seemed shocked when WWE announced a brand split and said there would be 2 creative teams, one headed by Paul Heyman, and one headed by Brian. Brian says he and Paul butted heads over everything and Paul would tell Brian, "It's okay we fight, I was hired to fight with you."
Brian and Paul heard the rosters for each show and considering how close Brian was to all the guys on SmackDown, he assumed that would be his show. All the guys on RAW were close with Heyman, so both guys were shocked when Vince gave RAW to Brian and SmackDown to Heyman. Brian thinks this was Vince trying to get each writer to get out of their comfort zones.
Brian said he pitched Stone Cold vs Brock Lesnar on free TV, citing how Hogan vs Andre at Shea Stadium in the early 80s didn't take away from their match at Wrestlemania 3. He says Vince and all the writers/ agents and producers debated this before Vince decided it was the right call. Obviously Stone Cold hated it and it was the breaking point to him walking out on the WWE. I've never heard it mention that it originally came from Brian though.
One time on a plane, Paul Heyman got so upset with Brian that he offered Brian 3 free punches to Paul, so long as Paul got just 1 free one after. Brian declined, despite an excited Shane McMahon offering to show Brian how to punch.
Brian says he was on a RAW conference call when someone randomly dropped out of the call. Everyone was accounted for so someone extra was listening in. The call was traced back to Paul Heyman's number, though Brian says Paul denies it was him.
Brian says he would mock and imitate Paul Heyman on those calls, and wonders how many times Paul was listening in. He also suggests that Paul was feeding dirt sheet websites disparaging information on Brian.
Brian says one time he pissed Paul off so much that Paul lunged at him and had to be pulled off. Stephanie McMahon ended up suspending both men for a week, with pay. Brian says Micheal Hayes tried to stick up for him and tell Stephanie that the incident was all on Paul.
Brian says he and Paul Heyman agreed that bringing back Vince Russo in summer 2002 was a mistake. Brian said he didn't think it relevant for his book, but lately Russo told a deranged version of the story where he met with "20 nameless and faceless writers" who all "buried me to Vince afterwards." In truth, Russo met with Brian, Heyman, Hayes, and Pritchard and pitched several bad ideas that Vince McMahon ended up hearing about and hating. Brian says Vince said to the writers, "I'm sorry I brought back that asshole." Brian says they didn't bury his ideas, but presented them as Russo did, and Vince hated them all.
Some of Russo's ideas included "bringing in Eric Bishoff to fued with Shane McMahon because everyone knows their real life heat." As well as "Stripping The Undertaker of his WWE Championship "because he isn't hip or cool and then having a tournament that RVD should win." He also suggested turning top heel Triple H babyface by reforming DX and bringing back Chyna. Russo didn't know the main event of Mania that year was Triple H vs. Chris Jericho and asked the writers what they thought of those 2 working a program together.
Vince wanted a big "cliff hanger" ending for the RAW Roulette episode in 2002, so he told the writers, "What if Triple H comes out after Kane wins the TLC match and calls him a murderer to end the show?" When they asked Vince what happens next, it sounds like Vince channeled his inner Ole Anderson when he said,"I don't know, you're the writers, you figure it out."
Originally Kane was to have "killed" a young developmental star named Shane Vick, but when Vince deemed Shane too green, they kept the name Vick, but used it on a fictional character whom they called Katie.
Brian remembers Triple H asking a million questions about the angle and telling everyone how stupid he thought it was.
Brian remembers seeing Kane, who is a pro and always 100% on board with ideas, die inside as they explained this new backstory to him where he had a high school girlfriend and he accidentally killed her. Brian says Stephanie was assigned to write the big promo that explained it and says she looked shell-shocked all day with that assignment.
Brian says he tried to point out in meetings how this new backstory contradicted Kane's previous backstory, but Vince blew those concerns off.
Brian also remembers how Vince was strangely obsessed with the idea of using Kane's semen in the story and promo.
Brian says no one objected when Vince pitched the idea of Triple H imitating Kane and having sex with a corpse. Brian said no one stood up to object, but everyone one of them should have.
Vince apparently wanted the segment to end with Triple H scooping some goop out of Katie's head and flinging it at the wall, before saying, "I just fucked your brains out!" Wow.
When they filmed the segment at a real funeral home, there was a real legit funeral happening down the hall. Brian says Triple H and Bruce Pritchard tried to save face by attempting to do it as over the top and silly possible, but Vince insisted on it being 100% serious.
Bruce Pritchard was the one who pitched Roddy Piper interfering in Hulk Hogan vs Mr McMahon match at Wrestlemania 19.
Brian remembers how tense Roddy and Vince got in rooms together, saying while they respected one another, it was clear they drove each other insane while talking anything over.
Brian says Rock turned heel after getting a lukewarm response to a prepared video he sent in when RAW celebrated the best Superstar of the decade by fan vote. Brian says Stone Cold winning the vote also helped push Rock towards deciding on the heel turn.
Brian says the Hurricane/ Rock stuff from 2003 was his idea and something he pushed after he bonded with Hurricane over their mutual love of comic books. Its stuff like this that leads credence to Hardcore Holly's issues with Brian imo.
In 2003, the night after Wrestlemania 19, Brian was working with The Rock and Goldberg, going over their planned confrontation for the show that night. Brian remembers how hesitant Goldberg was to do anything that someone else did before him. First, Brian and Rock pitched Goldberg and Rock standing face to face to soak in the crowd, but Goldber said, "I ain't Hulk Hogan." Then Brian pitched Goldberg starting on the ring to say his line, but Goldberg said, "I ain't Chris Jericho." So they settled on the two men circling each other in the ring because no one else had really done that one with The Rock before.
Brian says he was the one who pitched the lame Goldust/ Goldberg backstage segment where Goldust put his wig on Goldberg. Brian says that's an example of an idea looking better on paper than in real life.
Brian says Goldberg resisted almost every idea and kept asking them to just do what WCW did with him.
Brian remembers one time, Michael Hayes legitimately asked him "Do Jews celebrate Thanksgiving?"
Brian says he got to write the first Pipers Pit Segment in over a decade, with Vince as the guest. Brian says it was done old school, with guys going over a few points before calling it all on the fly in the ring. Brian remembers how Vince legitimately pissed Roddy off by pointing out his big gut, so Roddy responded by pointing out Vince's failures and said the only thing Vince was succesful at was the thing his daddy handed to him. He also called Vince "Junior" which Vince hated.
During the infamous "Diss the Diva" segment of the 2003 Diva Search Competition, one of the contestants called another girl a "cum-burping gutter slut" on live TV. (look it up, its fucking amazing they let these women loose on the mic like that) Brian says a few guys backstage were upset because they can't even call someone a "bitch."
Brian was put in charge of writing two segments at Wrestlemania 21, the Hulk and Eugene confronted by Muhammed Hassain and the Pipers Pit with Stone Cold. He quickly wrote up the Hogan slot before devoting all attention to the Pipers Pit segment.
Vince gave Brian 2 directives for the Wrestlemania 21 Pipers Pit segment, Brian was to keep them within their alloted time and Brian was to ensure no one swore. Roddy promised not to, but almost immediately he screamed "Bullshit" at the crowd. Brian and Vince were at Gorilla Position with headsets on when this happened. An irate Vince jumped up and yelled at Brian, "Did you know he would do that!?" When Brian said no, Vince slammed his own headset on the table and screamed "Fuck!"
Vince told Brian he had to scold Roddy afterward, and when Brian tried to, Roddy asked if "bullshit" was even a swear word before laughing it off.
In 2005, Brian was asked by Vince to write a full movie script for Eugene. They wanted it to be like "Pee-Wee's Big Adventure" but with the wrestler Eugene. Brian said he spent months writing the first draft and finished up around SummerSlam 2005. That was the event where Eugene got squashed by Kurt Angle and the fans boo'd the shit out of the babyface. Plans for the movie were scrapped immediately.
Brian said he would try to avoid Wrestlemania after parties because as a writer, he would usually spend the whole party being cornered by various drunk wrestlers who were pitching ideas that would never make it to air.
Brian says when he pitched Edge slapping John Cena's dad, Cena just smiled and said, "So your gonna get a taste of Johnny Fabulous huh? Have fun." When Brian Googled John Cena Sr, he was shocked to find the man already worked the independents as "Johnny Fabulous" an over the top manager. When they filmed at the house, they couldn't get John Cena Sr to act normal, he just kept cutting over the top promos about beating up Edge with lines like "sending you over the moon with a baking spoon!" The next day when they showed Vince the footage, he honestly said, "This might be the worst thing we have ever done."
Both Brian and Bruce Pritchard produced the segment, but when Vince saw it, he just said to Bruce, "I'm very disappointed in you Bruce." Brian knew it was wrong, but he kept his mouth shut and let Bruce take all the blame.
Brian says he pitched Roddy Piper and Ric Flair winning the tag titles in 2006, because he wanted to see his childhood hero Piper with a title. He said it's the only time he pitched something just because he wanted to see it as a fan.
Brian also backs up everyone else's claim that the Cyber Sunday/Taboo Tuesday voting was 100% legitimate and something Vince insisted on, while plenty of people backstage thought they should rig the voting.
Brian says he was the one who pitched Mike Adamle as RAW GM in 2008. Brian says he pitched it as opposed to a heel or babyface GM, Mike was supposed to be the clueless, in over his head and maybe a tad offensive boss. Brian essentially pitched it like Micheal Scott from The Office being GM of RAW. The only issue? Mike Adamle wasn't a comedic actor nor near as talented as Steve Carell.
After Adamle was out, someone suggested the idea of a rotating GM position with various names and Stephanie McMahon pitched an idea of it maybe being a celebrity. Vince's eyes lit up as he said, "what about a new celebrity GM every week!" And thus, the terrible "Guest GM Era" of RAW was born. Vince wanted mainstream exposure from the concept.
Brian remembers being told by Jeremy Pivon's team prior to h8m coming in to host, that Jeremy wanted a big entrance and big pink robe. They later heard back that Jeremy Pivon hated everything they pitched in the script, including the pink robe.
Ken Jeong was worried about the bump he had to take where Cena would toss him from the ring into a bunch of wrestlers. Ken was assured that he would be caught, but of course his head hit the mat so hard he needed stitches. Ken was thrilled about it though and wore the stitches like a badge of honor backstage, showing them to everyone.
Brian says the day they brought Mike Tyson in as guest host, Tyson actually went missing for an hour or so very close to showtime. Turns out he was just getting stoned and didn't want to do it around his kids who he brought with him.
A writer at the time named Erik was a huge old school fan and had a magazine from the 80's which featured both Hulk Hogan and Mike Tyson on the cover with a hypothetical dream match being the centerpiece of the magazine. Erik brought it to the show after seeing Tyson signed a glove for Brian, and Erik asked Tyson to sign this 20+ year old magazine. Tyson flipped out when he saw it and said, "Oh my God! The magazine with me and Hogan! I've been looking for this for years! You don't mind if I keep this do you? Okay bye!" And Tyson walked off with the magazine before the writer could even respond. Brian says he feels bad but calls this one of the funniest things he was ever present for.
Brian remembers Vince McMahon and Michael Hayes being very excited when they got Cheech and Chong to come guest host.
Brian is a self admitted massive Price is Right fan so he was thrilled to write all the Price is Right segments. Bob Barker was there to promote his book and his animal charity. Vince made sure to have the book all over the screen and advertised, but initially pushed the segment promoting his animal charity group to WWE website instead. Bob wasn't happy with this and called them to his hotel when he made it clear this was a deal breaker. Brian called Vince and they got the segment back on the air.
Brian remembers Bob Barker being impressed by Brian who actually read his book.
Brian said Chris Jericho needed to be convinced on the idea of wearing his Price is Right nametag on his bare chest.
Brian says no one had anyone idea who the Anonymous RAW GM would be, with Vince just saying they will figure it out eventually. There was no end game.
One time Brian pitched the Anonymous GM speaking but using a Stephen Hawking type voice, but Vince McMahon had no idea who Stephen Hawking was. After Brian tried and failed at explaining the voice, Vince made Brian do the voice for the show and just imitate a robot. It sounded bad but Brian had fun with it and it made him appreciate how tough it is for the guys to follow the script and not improvise. Brian makes a comment here saying he hopes fully scripted promos just go away in the future and that the bullet point apporach is better. Not something you expect from a writer tbh.
Brian remembers one time Chris Jericho got NFL star Terrell Owens confused for rapper Ney-O and was upset that Owens didn't want to talk music with him.
When Stephanie McMahon was moved into a higher management role in 2010, Brian got her job but essentially crashed pretty hard. He couldn't handle the responsibilities of it as well as with it while also still trying to write. He ended up blowing off an important meeting so he could write, which resulted in him losing his new gig and being back to just writing the show.
At Survivor Series 2010, Brian had a line for Miz but Vince thought it was too sports related and they argued over it. It was a heated argument where they kept tension between Brian and Vince for weeks until Brian tried to bury the hatchet by pointing out the perception of the other writers. Vince reasoned with "Fuck them and fuck you too."
Eventually he and Vince sat down to discuss the issues and it was a heated hour long talk where Vince accused Brian of not being a team player and just trying to get his own shit in. Brian later found out that Vince started looking for Brian's replacement after that meeting, but also says he started looking for work elsewhere as well.
In 2010, The Rock called Vince and said he wanted to come "give back" to the WWE. Vince suggested a match and Rock said no. Hilariously enough, when Vince suggested a 3 year Wrestlemania main event story with a couple of matches, Rock said yes immediately. Brian doesn't say it, but it sounds like Rock's position on the Mania card was a big factor in whether or not he was coming back.
When The Rock came back to WWE in 2011, Vince said to Brian, "You get to work with The Rock on his promos. It's the easiest job in the world."
Vince didnt want to leak that Rock was coming back so they didn't mention his name in production meetings and Rock wasn't on the RAW call sheet for the night he came back. Apparently, John Cena wasn't even told that Rock was coming back.
Brian worked with Rock for his big promo when he came back and while he can't confirm this, he suspects John Cena wasn't too happy with it. He isn't sure whether it was the promo itself or how John wasn't told about the 3 year Mania plan beforehand.
A week after John Cena cut a rap style promo on Rock, the plan was to spoof a recent "Funny or Die" skit (the ome where Will Ferral gets insulted by a toddler) and have a 10 year old kid rap a bunch of insults at Rock and Cena. This was filmed the day before it was set to air, but when it came time to film, the father of the kid refused to let him say anything. So Rock improvised his own promo that came off as a little harsh towards Cena. Vince McMahon wasn't thrilled with the end result either.
Brian makes it a point to say that outside of WWE, he calls The Rock "DJ" but when they are at WWE shows, he calls him "Rock" like everyone else. I think Brian wants us al to know how close he and The Rock are.
Brian says Rock came up with all his catchphrases, except one. Brian said he thought of "The People's Stroudle," but it's clear Brian is mocking himself here.
Brian stresses that The Rock doesn't use scripted promos, but Brian and Rock come up with some fun lines and bullet points. Brian says he would stand behind the camera in backstage promos with "cue cards" of lines or bullet points for the Rock. The Rock wore shades, so you couldn't tell he was reading.
At a live event in Australia that year, Cena cut a blistering promo on Rock, calling him a liar for coming back and then leaving again. This legit pissed The Rock off, so he cut a scathing promo on Facebook and this legit pissed Cena off. Vince was pissed and told both guys to go radio silent on the other until they were back in the same ring together.
At Survivor Series 2011, the Rock sang a song backstage and had Brian hold the words up behind the camera for him. Brian fucked up and held the cards the wrong way so Rock had to remember the lines off the top of his head. It was nearly a disaster because it was a live promo at Madison Square Garden.
The first night Cena and Rock were in the same locker room together since Survivor Series a few months earlier, Cena and Rock went over their promos and Brian remembers it being cordial. Rock went out first, and in Gorilla, John was waiting for his cue when he spotted lines written on The Rock's arm, but Brian didn't think this was a big deal since Roddy Piper had done that back in 2003 when he returned. Cena figured because the lines were visible on the monitors, that it was fair game to talk about. Brian thinks Cena went too far by mentioning the lines in the promo, and while Rock played it off as cool, Brian knew Rock was pissed.
Brian says that after Cena called out Rock on live TV for the lines being on his arm, they stopped meeting beforehand to go over their promos or what would be said. Brian said it was his job to be the middle man and relay what each guy was planning to the other.
Brian criticizes Cena for undercutting Rock's seriousness in the ring with kids jokes and by smiling and laughing (no selling) everything Rock said. Brian said Cena only got serious on the mic once Rock left the ring.
One week when Rock couldn't be there, he cut a tapped promo, so Cena doctored his own custom Rock shirt that said "Bring It ... Via Satellite." When Cena got backstage he alledgedly whipped the tshirt at Brian who was sitting Gorilla. Brian says he still has the shirt.
When Cena did his Thugganomics rap, Brian sat watching with Rock, who smiled and said what he had planned that night would be better. Later that night The Rock did one of his Rock Concerts performances and Brian remembers watching from Gorilla and hearing Cena yell, "That's the Rock I've been wating for!" With a huge grin on Cena's face. Cena waited in Gorilla for Rock so he could personally congratulate Rock on the segment. Brian says the tensions cooled a bit following that night and the rest of their program went off with no issues.
Brian knew Rock was going back to Holywood after Wrestlemania 28 and he wanted to go with him. He reached out to Rock's business partner and heard of a production company they were starting soon. Brian was invited to be part of it when it was ready to go.
In October 2012, RAW got one of its lowest ratings of all time, so Vince panicked and wanted change across the board. They offered Brian 2 options, he could resign from WWE or take a consulting role with a reduced salary. Considering how Brian was just waiting for Rock's production company to start, he took the reduced salary role.
Brian takea a moment to dispute dirt sheet claims on him being forced out, how his consultant role was meaningless and how he had no say. He refutes all claims. He says Vince used a lot of his ideas or suggestions in this time.
Brian notes how the Cena/Rock return program in 2013 was a lot more cordial and enjoyable for all involved, with all that past tension and animosity gone. Cena and Rock have been friends ever since, according to Brian.
Brian says he wrote the Kane and Daniel Bryan therapy session segment from 2013, and it was inspired by Dr Evil's therapy session from the Austin Powers movie.
Brian says that Vince was paranoid about leaks going into Wrestlemania 30 with Hogan, Rock, and Austin all coming up to start the show. So he didn't tell Hogan about Rock or Austin coming out, just told Hogan to react appropriately to whomever interrupts him. Hogan had no idea that Rock and Austion would join him at Mania 30, according to Brian.
Brian remembers Stephanie McMahon once saying to Brian that she wished Vince listened to her, as he did to Brian.
Brian said one time Vince McMahon told him he loves confrontation so much that he looks forward to being pulled over by a cop.
Backstage at Wrestlemania 30, before the show started, The Rock told Brian that he heard Brock Lesnar would be ending the streak. It's interesting that Rock knew hours beforehand and was telling people, and it didn't leak.
Brian says that Triple H/ Stephanie vs Ronda Rousey/ Kurt Angle was originally planned with Rock as Rousey's partner with the seeds planted at Wrestlemania 31 where all 4 had a confrontation at the show. Rock's movie schedule put the nix on that, and eventually, they went with Kurt.
After spending several years working side jobs for Rock's production company, in mid-2015, Brian finally got the call that the production company is ready for him to come on full time. Brian's last day with WWE was June 29, 2015. Vince told Brian that he loved him when they said their goodbyes, and Brian was genuinely taken back by that.
Every wrestling book has several pictures included, Brian's book is the first and only book I've seen where one of these pictures is just a screenshot from a 2016 Reddit post on that Squared Circle sub (That I'm banned from) Someone made a post theorizing that Brian Gewertz wasn't a real person, and Brian found this funny. The post in question
Brian briefly shades Jim Cornette, who has publicly criticized having "comedy writers" in wrestling, since Jim got in trouble for making a bad racist joke on Tv a couple years before the book came out.
Brian spent 16 years working in WWE and was called the "Hollywood Guy" the entire time, now that he is back in Hollywood and working on shows like "Young Rock" he is known as the "Wrestling Guy."
Brian is greatful for his time in WWE because in Hollywood everyone always tries to act tough and intimidate you, but after a decade and a half of fighting with Vince McMahon, Brian feels like he can't be intimidated anymore.

The Cleveland MC released his debut solo album on April 6th, 1999 via Ruthless Records, Relativity Records and Mo Thugs Records. Krayzie Bone wrote and recorded over 150 songs for the album, of which thirty-eight made the album's final cut as a double album.
Thug Mentality 1999 debuted at number four on the Billboard 200 with 140,000 album-equivalent units in its first week. The album was certified Platinum by the Recording Industry Association of America (RIAA) on May 10, 1999.
Tracklist:
Disc 1:

1. Intro (Thug Invasion)
   
2. Heated Heavy
   
3. Paper
   
4. The Messenger (Skit)
   
5. Payback Iz A Bitch (Ft Bam)
   
6. Thugline (Relay) (Ft Relay)
   
7. Dummy Man (Skit)
   
8. Dummy Man
   
9. Thugz All Ova Da World (Ft Treach)
   
10. Street People (Ft Niko)
    
11. Pimpz, Thugz, Hustlaz & Gangstaz (Ft Eightball, Mjg & Layzie Bone)
    
12. Da Bullshit (Skit)
    
13. Drama
    
14. World War
    
15. The War Iz On (Ft Snoop Doggy Dogg, Kurupt & Layzie Bone)
    
16. When I Die (Ft Fat Joe, Big Punisher & Cuban Link)
    
17. Thug Alwayz (Ft Bone Thugs-N-Harmony)
    
18. Thug Mentality 4:22
    

Disc 2:

1. Murda Won't Stop (Skit)
   
2. Where My Thugz At
   
3. Smokin' Budda
   
4. Knieght Rieduz (Here We Come) (Ft Knieght Rieduz)
   
5. Try Me
   
6. Theze Dayz (Ft K-Mont, Asu & Bam)
   
7. Silent Warrior
   
8. Shoot The Club Up
   
9. Silence (Ft Graveyard Shift)
   
10. Look At You Now (Skit)
    
11. Won't Ez Up Tonight
    
12. Sad Song (Skit)
    
13. I Still Believe (Ft Mariah Carey)
    
14. We Starvin' (Ft E-40 & Gangsta Boo)
    
15. Smoke & Burn (Ft Up In Clouds)
    
16. Power (Ft Thug Queen)
    
17. That's The Way
    
18. Armageddon (Ft Souljah Boy, Mo! Hart, Thug Queen & Felecia)
    
19. Murda Mo
    
20. Revolution (Ft Stephen Marley, Damian Marley &Julian Marley -credited as "The Marley Brothers")
    

Discussion:

1. What do you think about the Bone-Thugs-N-Harmony solo catalog? Is this album among the best/most memorable in that category?
   
2. What is the issue that is preventing this and other Bone solo albums from coming to streaming services?
   

* I split all splitable codes; so, please ONLY redeem what we agree upon. Thanks in advance!
DISNEY HD SPLIT CODES (port to MA)
Aladdin 1992 Animated (GP)
Aladdin Live Action 4K (MA) or HD (GP)
Ant-man (GP) or (MA)
Avengers Age of Ultron (GP)
Avengers Infinity War 4K (MA) or HD (GP)
Big Hero Six (iTunes) (redeems 4K)
Black Panther: Wakanda Forever (GP)
Captain America The Winter Soldier (GP)
Cars 3 (GP)
Cinderella 2015 (iTunes) (redeems 4K) or HD (GP)
Finding Dory (iTunes) (redeems 4K)
Frozen (GP) or (MA) (redeems 4K through iTunes)
Frozen Sing a Long Edition (GP) or (MA)
Guardians of the Galaxy Vol 1 (GP)
Guardians of the Galaxy Vol 2 (MA) 4K
Inside Out (iTunes) (redeems 4K)
Into The Woods (GP) or (MA)
Iron Man 3 (iTunes) (redeems 4K) or HD (GP)
Jungle Book 1967 (GP)
Lightyear (GP)
The Lion King Animated (MA) 4K
Maleficent (iTunes) (redeems 4K) or HD (GP)
Mary Poppins 1964 (GP) or (MA)
Mary Poppins Returns (iTunes) (redeems 4K)
Oz The Great and Powerful (GP) or (MA)
Planes (GP) or (MA)
Planes Fire and Rescue (MA) or (GP)
Saving Mr Banks (GP)
Spies in Disguise (GP)
Star Wars The Force Awakens (GP) or (MA) (iTunes redeems 4K)
Star Wars The Last Jedi (MA) 4K
Strange World (GP)
Super Buddies (GP)
The Good Dinosaur (iTunes) (redeems 4K)
The Lone Ranger (GP) or (MA)
The Nightmare Before Christmas (GP)
The Pirate Fairy (GP) or (MA)
Thor (GP)
Thor Love and Thunder HD (GP) or (MA 4K)
Thor The Dark World (GP)
Tinkerbell and the Legend of the Neverbeast (GP)
Toy Story of Terror (GP)
Zootopia (iTunes) (redeems 4K)
SONY BUFF PASS x1 (Choose 1 of the following options...)
My Girl 4K
Hancock 4K
Stripes 4K
The Blob 1988 HD
Blue Thunder HD
Born Yesterday HD
Bye Bye Birdie HD
Guess Who HD
Stir Crazy HD
Untraceable HD
HD CODES (VUDU or MA)
007 Skyfall (vudu/GP)
47 Ronin (MA)
A Dogs Purpose (MA)
A Good Day To Die Hard Extended (MA)
A Quiet Place (VUDU HD/iTunes 4K)
About Time (MA) split
Alex Cross (Vudu) split
American Girl Grace Stirs Up Success (MA)
American Girl Isabella Dances into the Spotlight (MA)
American Girl McKenna Shoots for the Stars (MA)
American Made 2017 (MA)
American Reunion Unrated (MA)
Anchorman 2 (VUDU split)
Animal House Natinoal Lampoons (MA) split
Annihilation (Vudu) split
Apollo 13 (MA) split
Atlas Shrugger Part 3 (MA)
August Osage County (Vudu)
Bad Grandpa: Jackass Presents (VUDU split)
Barbie and her Sisters in a Pony Tale (MA)
Barbie and her Sisters in a Puppy Chase (MA)
Barbie and the Secret Door (MA)
Barbie in Princess Power (MA)
Barbie in the Pink Shoes (MA)
Barbie Mariposa and the Fairy Princess (MA)
Barbie Rock n Royals (MA)
Barbie Starlight Adventure (MA)
Battleship (MA)
Baywatch (Vudu split)
Ben Hur 2016 (vudu split)
Billy Elliott 2000 (MA)
Blackhat 2015 (MA)
Book Club (VUDU split)
Buttons A Christmas Tale (Vudu split)
Captain Fantastic (MA) split
Captain Underpants The First Epic Movie (MA)
Cirque Du Soleil Worlds Away (Vudu) split
Crocodile Dundee 1 (HD Vudu/4K iTunes)
Crocodile Dundee 2 (HD Vudud/4K iTunes)
Crocodile Dundee 3 in Los Angeles (HD Vudu/HD iTunes)
Curse of Chucky unrated (MA) split
Daddy's Home (VUDU split)
Daddy's Home 2 (VUDU split)
Darkest Hour 2017 (MA)
Dawn of the Planet of the Apes (MA) (redeems 4K iTunes)
Dead in Tombstone urated (MA) split
Deadpool (MA) (redeems 4K through iTunes)
Despicable Me 2 (MA)
Despicable Me 3 (MA) 4K
Diary of a Wimpy Kid Dog Days (MA)
Dracula Untold (MA)
Dredd (Vudu)
Dr. Seuss's The Lorax (MA)
Eddie the Eagle (MA) (redeems 4K through iTunes)
Ender's Game (VUDU split)
Epic (MA)
Everest ( MA) split
The Fast and Furious 2001 (MA)
Fast and Furious 2009 (MA)
Fast and Furious Tokyo Drift 2006 (MA)
Fast Five Extended Edition 2011 (MA)
Fast & Furious 6 Extended Edition (MA)
The Fast and Furious 2017 Theatrical (MA)
The Fast and Furious 2017 Extended (MA)
Furious 7 Extended Edition (MA)
Fences (Vudu split)
Ferris Buellers Day off (Vudu/iTunes)
Fifty Shades of Grey unrated (MA)
Flight (vudu split)
Funsize (Vudu split)
Get Out (MA)
G.I. Joe Retaliation (vudu split)
Hail, Cesar! (MA)
Hansel and Gretel Witch Hunters unrated (Vudu split)
Hard Target 2 (MA)
Hercules 2014 (vudu split)
Home Alone (MA) (redeems 4K through iTunes)
Hop (MA)
How The Grinch Stole Christmas 2000 (MA)
Hunger Games (Vudu)
Hunger Games Catching Fire (Vudu)
Ice Age Continental Drift (MA)
Independence Day (MA) (redeems 4K through iTunes)
Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade (vudu split)
Interstellar (VUDU split)
Jackass 3 (Vudu Split)
Jack Reacher (Vudu split)
Jack Reacher Never Go Back (Vudu split)
Jack Ryan Shadow Recruit (vudu split)
Jason Bourne (MA)
Jaws (MA)
John Wick 1 (HD Vudu/4K iTunes)
John Wick 3 (vudu/GP/iTunes 4K)
Jurassic Park (MA)
Jurassic Park The Lost World (MA)
Jurassic Park 3 (MA)
Jurassic World (MA)
Katy Perry The Movie (vudu split)
Kick Ass 2 (MA split)
Kung Fu Panda 3 (MA)
Labor Day (Vudu) split
Les Miserables 2012 (MA)
Life of Pi (MA) (redeems 4K through iTunes)
Lucy (MA)
Madagascar 3 Europes Most Wanted (MA)
Minions (MA)
Mission Impossible Ghost Protocol (vudu split)
Mission Impossible Rogue Nation (Vudu split)
Mission Impossible Fallout (vudu split)
Mission Impossible Dead Reckoning Part One (4K Vudu/4KiTunes)
Monster High Electrified (MA)
Monster HIgh Fright ON (MA)
Monster High Scaris City of Frights (MA)
Monster High: Welcome to Monster High (MA)
Mr Peabody and Sherman (MA)
Nebraska (Vudu split)
Noah (vudu split)
Non Stop (MA)
No Strings Attached (VUDU split)
Oblivion (MA)
Office Christmas Party (VUDU) split
Olympus Has Fallen (MA)
Pain and Gain (vudu split)
Paper Towns (MA) (redeems 4K through iTunes)
Paranormal Activity 1 (vudu split)
Paranormal Activity 2 unrated (Vudu split)
Paranormal Activity 3 extended (Vudu split)
Paranormal Activity 4 unrated (Vudu Split)
Parental Guidance (MA)
Penguins of Madagascar (MA)
Percy Jackson Sea of Monsters (MA)
Perks of Being A Wallflower (vudu)
Pitch Perfect 1 (MA)
Pitch Perfect 2 (MA)
Pitch Perfect 3 (MA)
Project Almanac (Vudu split)
Rango (VUDU split)
Ride Along (MA)
Rio 2 (MA)
R.I.P.D. (MA)
Rise of the Guardians (VUDU)
Rise of the Planet of the Apes (MA) (redeems 4K through iTunes)
Runner, Runner (MA)
Safe House (MA)
Selma (vudu split)
Sing (MA)
Sisters (MA)
Snatched (MA) (redeems 4K through iTunes)
Snow White and the Huntsman (MA)
Spiderman 2 Theatrical/Extended 2004 (MA)
Star Trek 4 The Voyage Home (VUDU HD/iTunes 4K)
Star Trek Beyond (Vudu split)
Star Trek Into Darkness (Vudu split)
Straight Outta Compton unrated (MA)
Strawberry Shortcake Dance Berry Dance (MA)
Super 8 (VUDU split)
Taken 2 (MA)
Ted unrated (MA)
Ted 2 unrated (MA)
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2014 (vudu split)
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Mutant Mayhem (HD Vudu/4K iTunes)
Terminator Dark Fate 4K (vudu split)
Terminator Genisys (Vudu split)
The Adventures of Tin Tin (Vudu split)
The Amazing Spiderman 2 (MA)
The Big Lebowski (MA)
The Big Short (VUDU split)
The Boss Baby (MA)
The Boss Unrated (MA)
The Bourne Identity (MA)
The Bourne Legacy (MA)
The Bourne Ultimatum (MA)
The Breakfast Club (MA)
The Croods (MA)
The Dark Tower (MA)
The Dictator (VUDU split)
The Dilemma (MA)
The Fault in our Stars (MA) (redeems 4K through iTunes)
The Gambler (Vudu split)
The Girl On The Train (MA)
The Great Wall (MA)
The Guilt Trip (Vudu split)
The Heat 2013 (MA)
The Impossible (Vudu)
The Internship (MA)
The Mummy 2017 (MA)
The Other Woman (MA)
The Purge 2013 (MA split)
The Purge: Election Year (MA) split
The Scorpion King 4 Quest For Power (MA) split
The Secret Life of Pets (MA)
The Secret Life of Walter Mitty (MA)
The Sponge Bob Movie Sponge out of Water (VUDU split)
The Wolf of Wallstreet (VUDU split)
The Wolverine Extended (MA)
This is 40 theatrical (MA)
Top Gun (vudu split)
Top Gun Maverick (VUDU 4K/iTunes 4K)
Transformers Dark of the Moon (vudu split)
Transformers Age of Extinction (Vudu split)
Transformers The Last Knight (Vudu split)
True Grit (VUDU split)
Turbo (MA)
Unbroken (MA)
Unfriended (MA)
Van Helsing (MA)
Warcraft ( MA)
War For the Planet of the Apes (MA) (redeems 4K through iTunes)
Warm Bodies (VUDU split)
What to Expect When You're Expecting (vudu split)
Whiskey Tango Foxtrot (Vudu split)
Wonder (Vudu or iTunes)
World War Z (Vudu split)
X-Men Days of Future Past (MA) (redeems 4K through iTunes)
XXX Return of Xander Cage (Vudu split)
ITUNES HD CODES (unless otherwise stated)
Alien Covenant (redeems 4K)
Alvin and the Chipmunks The Road Trip (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Anchorman 2 The Legend Continues (split)
Assassins Creed (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Bad Grandpa Jackass Presents (split) (redeems 4K)
Battleship (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Baywatch (split) (redeems 4K)
Big Little Lies Season 1
Buttons A Christmas Tale (split)
Cowboys and Aliens (ports to MA)
Daddy's Home (split redeems 4K)
Dawn of the Planet of the Apes (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Deadpool (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Despicable Me 2 (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Diary of A Wimpy Kid The Long Haul (ports to MA)
Dredd (redeems 4K)
Dr. Seuss' The Lorax (ports to MA)
Dr.Seuss' Horton Hears A Who (prts to MA)
Exodus Gods and Kings (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Fast and Furious 6 extended 2013 (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Fifty Shades of Grey (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Game of Thrones Season 1
Game of Thrones Season 2
Gifted (ports to MA)
G I Joe Retaliation (split) (redeems 4K)
Gone Girl (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Hansel and Gretal Witch Hunters
Hercules 2014 (split redeems 4K)
Hidden Figures (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Hitman Agent 47 (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Home Alone (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Home Alone 2 (ports to MA)
Hop (ports to MA)
How to Train Your Dragon 2 (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Hugo (Split redeems 4K)
Hunger Games (split redeems 4K)
Hunger Games Mockingjay Part 1 (split redeems 4K)
Ice Age (ports to MA)
Ice Age 5 Collision Course (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Identity Thief (ports to MA)
If I Stay (redeems 4K)
Independence Day Resurgence (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Interstellar (split redeems 4K)
Jack Reacher (split) (redeems 4K)
Jack Reacher Never Go Back (split) (redeems 4K)
Jack Ryan Shadow Recruit (split redeems 4K)
Jurassic World (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Keeping up with the Jonses (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Kingsman The Golden Circle (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Kung Fu Panda 3 (ports to MA)
Les Miserables 2012 (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Lets Be Cops (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Logan (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Lucy (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Mike and Dave need Wedding Dates (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Minions (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Mission Impossible Ghost Protocol (split redeems 4K)
Mission Impossible Rogue Nation (split redeems 4K)
Mission Impossible Fallout (split redeems 4K)
Miss Peregrines Home For Peculiar Children (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Nebraska
Neighbors (ports to MA)
Night at the Museum Secret of the Tomb (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Noah (split)
No Strings Attached (split)
Oblivion (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Office Christmas Party (redeems 4K)
Paranormal Activity 1 (split)
Paranormal Activity 2 (split)
Pitch Perfect 1 (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Pitch Perfect 2 (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Playing with Fire (redeems 4K)
Rango (redeems 4K)
Rise of the Planet of the apes (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Savages (ports to MA)
Sing (ports to MA) (redeems 4k)
Snatched (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Snow White and the Huntsman (ports to MA)
Spectre (redeems 4K)
Spy unrated (ports to MA)
Star Trek Beyond (redeems 4K)
Star Trek Into Darkness (redeems 4K)
Super 8 (redeems 4K split)
Taken 3 (ports to MA)
Ted (ports to MA)
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2014 (redeems 4K)
Terminator Genisys 4K (iTunes split) (redeems 4K)
The Book of Life (ports to MA)
The Bourne Legacy (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
The Fault In Our Stars (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
The Longest Ride (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
The Martian (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
The Maze Runner (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
The Maze Runner The Scorch Trials (ports to MA) (redeems 4k)
The Mountain Between Us (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
The Peanuts Movie (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
The Secret Life of Pets (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
The Wolf of Wall Street (split redeems 4K)
This is 40 (ports to MA)
Transformers Age of Extinction (split redeems 4K)
Transformers The Last Knight (split redeems 4K)
True Grit (redeems 4K)
Unbroken (ports to MA)
War for the Planet of the Apes (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Warm Bodies (split redeems 4K)
Why him (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
World War Z (split) (redeems 4K)
X-Men Apocalypse (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
X-Men Days of Future Past (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
XXX Return of Xander Cage (redeems 4K)
Zoolander No 2 (split)
ITUNES/MA/VUDU (SD) Redeem Codes (See Link Below)
https://www.reddit.com/uvtrade/comments/18ywl4j/offer_hd_and_sd_codes_my_list_requests_hdsd/
**ALL codes have been verified
MY ISO/Request list:
Hotel Transylvania: Transformania MA
Hunger Games Ballad of Songbirds & Snakes iTunes redeem
Migration MA
Next Goal Wins MA
The Color Purple 2023 MA
Other new releases

* I split all splitable codes; so, please ONLY redeem what we agree upon. Thanks in advance!
DISNEY HD SPLIT CODES (port to MA)
Aladdin 1992 Animated (GP)
Aladdin Live Action 4K (MA) or HD (GP)
Ant-man (GP) or (MA)
Avengers Age of Ultron (GP)
Avengers Infinity War 4K (MA) or HD (GP)
Big Hero Six (iTunes) (redeems 4K)
Black Panther: Wakanda Forever (GP)
Captain America The Winter Soldier (GP)
Cars 3 (GP)
Cinderella 2015 (iTunes) (redeems 4K) or HD (GP)
Finding Dory (iTunes) (redeems 4K)
Frozen (GP) or (MA) (redeems 4K through iTunes)
Frozen Sing a Long Edition (GP) or (MA)
Guardians of the Galaxy Vol 1 (GP)
Guardians of the Galaxy Vol 2 (MA) 4K
Inside Out (iTunes) (redeems 4K)
Into The Woods (GP) or (MA)
Iron Man 3 (iTunes) (redeems 4K) or HD (GP)
Jungle Book 1967 (GP)
Lightyear (GP)
The Lion King Animated (MA) 4K
Maleficent (iTunes) (redeems 4K) or HD (GP)
Mary Poppins 1964 (GP) or (MA)
Mary Poppins Returns (iTunes) (redeems 4K)
Oz The Great and Powerful (GP) or (MA)
Planes (GP) or (MA)
Planes Fire and Rescue (MA) or (GP)
Saving Mr Banks (GP)
Spies in Disguise (GP)
Star Wars The Force Awakens (GP) or (MA) (iTunes redeems 4K)
Star Wars The Last Jedi (MA) 4K
Strange World (GP)
Super Buddies (GP)
The Good Dinosaur (iTunes) (redeems 4K)
The Lone Ranger (GP) or (MA)
The Nightmare Before Christmas (GP)
The Pirate Fairy (GP) or (MA)
Thor (GP)
Thor Love and Thunder HD (GP) or (MA 4K)
Thor The Dark World (GP)
Tinkerbell and the Legend of the Neverbeast (GP)
Toy Story of Terror (GP)
Zootopia (iTunes) (redeems 4K)
SONY BUFF PASS x1 (Choose 1 of the following options...)
My Girl 4K
Hancock 4K
Stripes 4K
The Blob 1988 HD
Blue Thunder HD
Born Yesterday HD
Bye Bye Birdie HD
Guess Who HD
Stir Crazy HD
Untraceable HD
HD CODES (VUDU or MA)
007 Skyfall (vudu/GP)
47 Ronin (MA)
A Dogs Purpose (MA)
A Good Day To Die Hard Extended (MA)
A Quiet Place (VUDU HD/iTunes 4K)
About Time (MA) split
Alex Cross (Vudu) split
American Girl Grace Stirs Up Success (MA)
American Girl Isabella Dances into the Spotlight (MA)
American Girl McKenna Shoots for the Stars (MA)
American Made 2017 (MA)
American Reunion Unrated (MA)
Anchorman 2 (VUDU split)
Animal House Natinoal Lampoons (MA) split
Annihilation (Vudu) split
Apollo 13 (MA) split
Atlas Shrugger Part 3 (MA)
August Osage County (Vudu)
Bad Grandpa: Jackass Presents (VUDU split)
Barbie and her Sisters in a Pony Tale (MA)
Barbie and her Sisters in a Puppy Chase (MA)
Barbie and the Secret Door (MA)
Barbie in Princess Power (MA)
Barbie in the Pink Shoes (MA)
Barbie Mariposa and the Fairy Princess (MA)
Barbie Rock n Royals (MA)
Barbie Starlight Adventure (MA)
Battleship (MA)
Baywatch (Vudu split)
Ben Hur 2016 (vudu split)
Billy Elliott 2000 (MA)
Blackhat 2015 (MA)
Book Club (VUDU split)
Buttons A Christmas Tale (Vudu split)
Captain Fantastic (MA) split
Captain Underpants The First Epic Movie (MA)
Cirque Du Soleil Worlds Away (Vudu) split
Crocodile Dundee 1 (HD Vudu/4K iTunes)
Crocodile Dundee 2 (HD Vudud/4K iTunes)
Crocodile Dundee 3 in Los Angeles (HD Vudu/HD iTunes)
Curse of Chucky unrated (MA) split
Daddy's Home (VUDU split)
Daddy's Home 2 (VUDU split)
Darkest Hour 2017 (MA)
Dawn of the Planet of the Apes (MA) (redeems 4K iTunes)
Dead in Tombstone urated (MA) split
Deadpool (MA) (redeems 4K through iTunes)
Despicable Me 2 (MA)
Despicable Me 3 (MA) 4K
Diary of a Wimpy Kid Dog Days (MA)
Dracula Untold (MA)
Dredd (Vudu)
Dr. Seuss's The Lorax (MA)
Eddie the Eagle (MA) (redeems 4K through iTunes)
Ender's Game (VUDU split)
Epic (MA)
Everest ( MA) split
The Fast and Furious 2001 (MA)
Fast and Furious 2009 (MA)
Fast and Furious Tokyo Drift 2006 (MA)
Fast Five Extended Edition 2011 (MA)
Fast & Furious 6 Extended Edition (MA)
The Fast and Furious 2017 Theatrical (MA)
The Fast and Furious 2017 Extended (MA)
Furious 7 Extended Edition (MA)
Fences (Vudu split)
Ferris Buellers Day off (Vudu/iTunes)
Fifty Shades of Grey unrated (MA)
Flight (vudu split)
Funsize (Vudu split)
Get Out (MA)
G.I. Joe Retaliation (vudu split)
Hail, Cesar! (MA)
Hansel and Gretel Witch Hunters unrated (Vudu split)
Hard Target 2 (MA)
Hercules 2014 (vudu split)
Home Alone (MA) (redeems 4K through iTunes)
Hop (MA)
How The Grinch Stole Christmas 2000 (MA)
Hunger Games (Vudu)
Hunger Games Catching Fire (Vudu)
Ice Age Continental Drift (MA)
Independence Day (MA) (redeems 4K through iTunes)
Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade (vudu split)
Interstellar (VUDU split)
Jackass 3 (Vudu Split)
Jack Reacher (Vudu split)
Jack Reacher Never Go Back (Vudu split)
Jack Ryan Shadow Recruit (vudu split)
Jason Bourne (MA)
Jaws (MA)
John Wick 1 (HD Vudu/4K iTunes)
John Wick 3 (vudu/GP/iTunes 4K)
Jurassic Park (MA)
Jurassic Park The Lost World (MA)
Jurassic Park 3 (MA)
Jurassic World (MA)
Katy Perry The Movie (vudu split)
Kick Ass 2 (MA split)
Kung Fu Panda 3 (MA)
Labor Day (Vudu) split
Les Miserables 2012 (MA)
Life of Pi (MA) (redeems 4K through iTunes)
Lucy (MA)
Madagascar 3 Europes Most Wanted (MA)
Minions (MA)
Mission Impossible Ghost Protocol (vudu split)
Mission Impossible Rogue Nation (Vudu split)
Mission Impossible Fallout (vudu split)
Mission Impossible Dead Reckoning Part One (4K Vudu/4KiTunes)
Monster High Electrified (MA)
Monster HIgh Fright ON (MA)
Monster High Scaris City of Frights (MA)
Monster High: Welcome to Monster High (MA)
Mr Peabody and Sherman (MA)
Nebraska (Vudu split)
Noah (vudu split)
Non Stop (MA)
No Strings Attached (VUDU split)
Oblivion (MA)
Office Christmas Party (VUDU) split
Olympus Has Fallen (MA)
Pain and Gain (vudu split)
Paper Towns (MA) (redeems 4K through iTunes)
Paranormal Activity 1 (vudu split)
Paranormal Activity 2 unrated (Vudu split)
Paranormal Activity 3 extended (Vudu split)
Paranormal Activity 4 unrated (Vudu Split)
Parental Guidance (MA)
Penguins of Madagascar (MA)
Percy Jackson Sea of Monsters (MA)
Perks of Being A Wallflower (vudu)
Pitch Perfect 1 (MA)
Pitch Perfect 2 (MA)
Pitch Perfect 3 (MA)
Project Almanac (Vudu split)
Rango (VUDU split)
Ride Along (MA)
Rio 2 (MA)
R.I.P.D. (MA)
Rise of the Guardians (VUDU)
Rise of the Planet of the Apes (MA) (redeems 4K through iTunes)
Runner, Runner (MA)
Safe House (MA)
Selma (vudu split)
Sing (MA)
Sisters (MA)
Snatched (MA) (redeems 4K through iTunes)
Snow White and the Huntsman (MA)
Spiderman 2 Theatrical/Extended 2004 (MA)
Star Trek 4 The Voyage Home (VUDU HD/iTunes 4K)
Star Trek Beyond (Vudu split)
Star Trek Into Darkness (Vudu split)
Straight Outta Compton unrated (MA)
Strawberry Shortcake Dance Berry Dance (MA)
Super 8 (VUDU split)
Taken 2 (MA)
Ted unrated (MA)
Ted 2 unrated (MA)
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2014 (vudu split)
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Mutant Mayhem (HD Vudu/4K iTunes)
Terminator Dark Fate 4K (vudu split)
Terminator Genisys (Vudu split)
The Adventures of Tin Tin (Vudu split)
The Amazing Spiderman 2 (MA)
The Big Lebowski (MA)
The Big Short (VUDU split)
The Boss Baby (MA)
The Boss Unrated (MA)
The Bourne Identity (MA)
The Bourne Legacy (MA)
The Bourne Ultimatum (MA)
The Breakfast Club (MA)
The Croods (MA)
The Dark Tower (MA)
The Dictator (VUDU split)
The Dilemma (MA)
The Fault in our Stars (MA) (redeems 4K through iTunes)
The Gambler (Vudu split)
The Girl On The Train (MA)
The Great Wall (MA)
The Guilt Trip (Vudu split)
The Heat 2013 (MA)
The Impossible (Vudu)
The Internship (MA)
The Mummy 2017 (MA)
The Other Woman (MA)
The Purge 2013 (MA split)
The Purge: Election Year (MA) split
The Scorpion King 4 Quest For Power (MA) split
The Secret Life of Pets (MA)
The Secret Life of Walter Mitty (MA)
The Sponge Bob Movie Sponge out of Water (VUDU split)
The Wolf of Wallstreet (VUDU split)
The Wolverine Extended (MA)
This is 40 theatrical (MA)
Top Gun (vudu split)
Top Gun Maverick (VUDU 4K/iTunes 4K)
Transformers Dark of the Moon (vudu split)
Transformers Age of Extinction (Vudu split)
Transformers The Last Knight (Vudu split)
True Grit (VUDU split)
Turbo (MA)
Unbroken (MA)
Unfriended (MA)
Van Helsing (MA)
Warcraft ( MA)
War For the Planet of the Apes (MA) (redeems 4K through iTunes)
Warm Bodies (VUDU split)
What to Expect When You're Expecting (vudu split)
Whiskey Tango Foxtrot (Vudu split)
Wonder (Vudu or iTunes)
World War Z (Vudu split)
X-Men Days of Future Past (MA) (redeems 4K through iTunes)
XXX Return of Xander Cage (Vudu split)
ITUNES HD CODES (unless otherwise stated)
Alien Covenant (redeems 4K)
Alvin and the Chipmunks The Road Trip (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Anchorman 2 The Legend Continues (split)
Assassins Creed (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Bad Grandpa Jackass Presents (split) (redeems 4K)
Battleship (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Baywatch (split) (redeems 4K)
Big Little Lies Season 1
Buttons A Christmas Tale (split)
Cowboys and Aliens (ports to MA)
Daddy's Home (split redeems 4K)
Dawn of the Planet of the Apes (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Deadpool (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Despicable Me 2 (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Diary of A Wimpy Kid The Long Haul (ports to MA)
Dredd (redeems 4K)
Dr. Seuss' The Lorax (ports to MA)
Dr.Seuss' Horton Hears A Who (prts to MA)
Exodus Gods and Kings (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Fast and Furious 6 extended 2013 (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Fifty Shades of Grey (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Game of Thrones Season 1
Game of Thrones Season 2
Gifted (ports to MA)
G I Joe Retaliation (split) (redeems 4K)
Gone Girl (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Hansel and Gretal Witch Hunters
Hercules 2014 (split redeems 4K)
Hidden Figures (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Hitman Agent 47 (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Home Alone (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Home Alone 2 (ports to MA)
Hop (ports to MA)
How to Train Your Dragon 2 (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Hugo (Split redeems 4K)
Hunger Games (split redeems 4K)
Hunger Games Mockingjay Part 1 (split redeems 4K)
Ice Age (ports to MA)
Ice Age 5 Collision Course (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Identity Thief (ports to MA)
If I Stay (redeems 4K)
Independence Day Resurgence (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Interstellar (split redeems 4K)
Jack Reacher (split) (redeems 4K)
Jack Reacher Never Go Back (split) (redeems 4K)
Jack Ryan Shadow Recruit (split redeems 4K)
Jurassic World (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Keeping up with the Jonses (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Kingsman The Golden Circle (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Kung Fu Panda 3 (ports to MA)
Les Miserables 2012 (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Lets Be Cops (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Logan (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Lucy (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Mike and Dave need Wedding Dates (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Minions (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Mission Impossible Ghost Protocol (split redeems 4K)
Mission Impossible Rogue Nation (split redeems 4K)
Mission Impossible Fallout (split redeems 4K)
Miss Peregrines Home For Peculiar Children (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Nebraska
Neighbors (ports to MA)
Night at the Museum Secret of the Tomb (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Noah (split)
No Strings Attached (split)
Oblivion (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Office Christmas Party (redeems 4K)
Paranormal Activity 1 (split)
Paranormal Activity 2 (split)
Pitch Perfect 1 (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Pitch Perfect 2 (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Playing with Fire (redeems 4K)
Rango (redeems 4K)
Rise of the Planet of the apes (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Savages (ports to MA)
Sing (ports to MA) (redeems 4k)
Snatched (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Snow White and the Huntsman (ports to MA)
Spectre (redeems 4K)
Spy unrated (ports to MA)
Star Trek Beyond (redeems 4K)
Star Trek Into Darkness (redeems 4K)
Super 8 (redeems 4K split)
Taken 3 (ports to MA)
Ted (ports to MA)
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2014 (redeems 4K)
Terminator Genisys 4K (iTunes split) (redeems 4K)
The Book of Life (ports to MA)
The Bourne Legacy (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
The Fault In Our Stars (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
The Longest Ride (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
The Martian (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
The Maze Runner (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
The Maze Runner The Scorch Trials (ports to MA) (redeems 4k)
The Mountain Between Us (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
The Peanuts Movie (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
The Secret Life of Pets (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
The Wolf of Wall Street (split redeems 4K)
This is 40 (ports to MA)
Transformers Age of Extinction (split redeems 4K)
Transformers The Last Knight (split redeems 4K)
True Grit (redeems 4K)
Unbroken (ports to MA)
War for the Planet of the Apes (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
Warm Bodies (split redeems 4K)
Why him (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
World War Z (split) (redeems 4K)
X-Men Apocalypse (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
X-Men Days of Future Past (ports to MA) (redeems 4K)
XXX Return of Xander Cage (redeems 4K)
Zoolander No 2 (split)
ITUNES/MA/VUDU (SD) Redeem Codes (See Link Below)
https://www.reddit.com/uvtrade/comments/18ywl4j/offer_hd_and_sd_codes_my_list_requests_hdsd/
**ALL codes have been verified
MY ISO/Request list:
Hotel Transylvania: Transformania MA
Hunger Games Ballad of Songbirds & Snakes iTunes redeem
Migration MA
Next Goal Wins MA
The Color Purple 2023 MA
Other new releases

Happy Fri-Yay Snarkers, hopefully this is a double header when it comes to the McBeardsleys. Of course, this is dependent on OfNostrils keeping to her Friday schedule. She has been erratic lately. But since last week’s recap got delayed due to reality biting, I hope to get this one done for the morning and then Episode 28 will be this evening. The title hides nothing, and informs us A.G. goes to the optometrist. Let’s jump in! *Note* I will be working on it tomorrow.
The Gropening lives on, unfortunately, but we quickly arrive at the kitchen nook table. The sunlight pours in the kitchen nook window as Giddy-Up and Austina eat apples for breakfast. Austina stretches and looks at her bowl. OfNostrils tells her she can have green apples after eating her oatmeal. Austina grunts a sigh and picks up a miniscule amount of oatmeal on her spoon. Giddy-Up struggles valiantly against the sunlight directly in his face. As he munches and crunches an apple wedge as OfNostrils asks him how many apple slices he has. He reaches out and counts to four. He goes back to squinting into the morning sunlight. Giddy-Up finally can’t take the sunlight anymore and gets up, telling his mother he’s not done eating as he gets up and spins away from the table. OfNostrils says he’s spilling the juice as he heads to the fridge. Austina looks confusedly at her mother before the view catches up with Giddy-Up putting his plate away. OfNostrils tells him to just put it on the counter. She continues to repeat herself before turning the camera to A.G. who is getting fed pumpkin. After watching him take another bite, we get to see a weird acrostic with the entire family’s names present on a chalkboard opposite the Deer God. Is this his list of people he needs to protect? OfNostrils chuckles at Giddy-Up making a loud noise that sounds like he fell. With a cheery “what did you do that for?” as she spins the camera to show A.G. turned around fully in his high chair to see what’s going on with his brother. From somewhere unseen, Giddy-Up says “I don’t know” as OfNostrils takes back control of the camera’s focus. She explains to us as Giddy-Up tries to yell a question to his mother, that A.G. has his first eye appointment today since Arkansan babies get their first visit free if they are under a year old. She is “so excited” and she doesn’t have any concerns. Apparently, OfNostrils was unaware of this as she only discovered it at Austina’s appointment. Since she hasn’t appeared in a pair of pink sparkly specs, I’m guessing she got Nostrils’ eagle-eye Nasa Grandpa sight genes. The scene shifts to a happy A.G. who smiles hugely, happy grunts and shows his almost half a dozen teeth.
Next, A.G. sits in the bathroom sink as Austina stands up next to him with a lipstick fully extended. OfNostrils says nope and uses her free hand to grab it from her daughter. She shows the whole scene, with Giddy-Up sitting with his feet in the second sink by the door. A.G. snags his mother’s Benefit CC Cream out of the make-up bag as she explains she has them all in here trying to get ready. Based on Giddy-Up’s bored face and the fact that Austina wasn’t trying to apply the lipstick to herself, my guess is that OfNostrils positioned them all and then started filming. “This is my reality” she sings as the older kids silently unpause to robotically pull things out of the makeup bag or, if you’re Giddy-Up you pull on the cord that has Austina’s Extensive Hairbow Collections. She says she had to bring them in here because they were playing in the toilet. I…well, I have questions. Giddy-Up, at 6 and Austina at 3.5 should be more than aware that playing in the toilet is gross and A.G. can’t walk yet. Giddy-Up does look a little like his fun was ruined and maybe it was Potions in the Potty time but no one else seems that upset. Austina looked like she was waiting for her cue, and TBH, I changed my mind, Giddy-Up looks more irritated at the fact that this is a forced filming scenario. Austina hands out an orange tube, A.G. gets a gold mascara and Giddy-Up begins to study the hairbow collection and chooses a grey velvet bow to hand across the shot to Austina. OfNostrils asks Austina where the lipstick lid is and finds it under the clear lid of the makeup bag. Austina asks politely for makeup, OfNostrils says “not this, this is lipstick”. She completely ignores A.G., who is about to bite into that CC cream and set his mother back $50. OfNostrils goes on to try and frame herself in God-honoring chaos as A.G. has decided anything he can reach can go into his mouth. This includes the uncapped CC cream, a closed mascara and a bottle of hand soap, sitting right next to his improvised Bumbo seat of a sink. He makes direct eye contact with himself in the mirror as he samples the taste of the mascara lid. Giddy-Up pulls his face in different directions as Austina asks for makeup.
The next scene shows OfNostrils with a stationary camera in the Suburban as none of the kids are visible. She takes her clip out of her hair and sets it to the side. Austina asks where her bracelet is and her mother informs her she left it at the house, in her favorite rock dish. Austina stutters through the sentence that she didn’t see it, and OfNostrils says “well, I did” and appears to realize none of the props are visible. The camera takes up residence on her shoulder and Jesus, she’s going to kill someone in her little mini-semi truck she’s rolling along filming in. Giddy-Up haltingly asks if they can listen to something OfNostrils clarifies is “the brain song”. He is denied the chance because OfNostrils says they are almost there. In reality, if she’s filming with her phone, she can’t play music at the same time. Giddy-Up decides to punish his mother and alerts Austina to be ready to catch a bag of candy. Austina puts her arms up in goal post formation as Giddy-Up slings a lime green bag of Skittles at his sister. It flies over her head and it serves OfNostrils right if it busted open and got Skittle dust everywhere. Stop filming your kids while you’re driving. Put on the goddamn brain song and drive safely. Austina gets the zoom -in treatment as she freestyles Jingle Bells. Giddy-Up does a spooky laugh, and suddenly it’s Halloween. Austina continues her song as cars pass them by.
Fundie Matilda skips along next to A.G’s trusty Doona. Giddy-Up power-walks on the other side as OfNostrils makes sure to include her iced coffee as she herds her family into the optometrist’s office. The scene cuts and changes to Austina kneeling while she colors, as A.G. practices his pointillism with a crayon he repeatedly stabs the paper with. Austina is controlling her frustration as her baby brother unleashes his inner Georges Seurat. OfNostrils swings the camera around to where Giddy-Up watches a high mounted TV with a children’s show. Austina redirects her brother away from her artwork by pausing to get a new crayon selection. During this delay, A.G. realizes there is a toy he can go play with instead. We are back with the eye doctor and she holds up a rectangular tool with a bunch of pairs of holes. She examines A.G. as OfNostrils assures him, eye-checks the camera and dodges Giddy-Up trying to be in on this eye exam. The doctor says something to her and the scene cuts to outside. OfNostrils holds A.G. on her hip as she spins him around to get into his car seat. I feel sorry for whoever parks next to her. God forbid you just want to get in your car after having your eyes dilated and here’s some broad with a white blond Rolly Polly Olly blocking your path with her door open filming her weekly nothing burger. Anyways, she says he has no signs of a lazy eye, and then she apologizes and sets him into his car-seat while filming it. She may not believe in it but at this rate she might just evolve and develop a third arm to hold the camera. She sets him in his base and leans up to do something, but she stops when she sees Austina. OfNostrils counts as high as she can, gives up at 5 because her mother couldn’t be bothered to secure a proper education and says “we don’t put stickers on the window, do we?”. Oh. Is she disciplining her child properly? Will she make her recite how sins killed Jesus? The camera flips to show A.G. and Austina. She perches on the side of her seat and absent mindedly plays with a piece of paper on the headrest in front of her, staring through it as her mother tells her that Austina is going to be the one who has to ask Nostrils to take the sticker off the window. Austina is then instructed to scoot back and as she does, she apologizes to Nostrils. In all fairness, I wonder how much have they gassed her up about this being “her very own window”? And in all honesty, Baby Swiss and I had the same discussion about the stickers the grocery store cashiers gave her every week. We compromised with them being on her carseat, not the car. OfNostrils zooms in on big stickers that feature Paw Patrol and Star Wars, then turns the camera to herself. “I haven’t even had the car a week!” At least its stickers and not puke, count your blessings. She takes A.G. back out, turns on her saccharine Perm-y voice as if to say “oh, the blessings are being wild again”. She then decides to stop filming and load the kids up.
Back at the cabin, Austina zooms toward the hall as Giddy-Up launches himself to the couch. A.G. has pulled himself up and is standing at the coffee table. Austina disappears down the hall with a rug, Giddy-Up is now perched on the edge of the couch and his legs block in A.G. as he stands. OfNostrils sings to her youngest, begging him to give her non-tent and say “good morning”. The scene cuts to Giddy-Up positively hauling ass down the hallway to slam the door to Planet G-Force’s door in Austina’s face as she runs after him with the rug over her. A.G. becomes the focus as he cruises his way around the table, doing the baby physics to determine how to move and not fall. He twists his feet and looks like he’s a fellow member of the tandem gait as he turns a corner and cross-steps his own foot. A karate yell from Giddy-Up as he chases Austina back into the living room at a loud enough decibel to draw his mother’s attention. She turns and catches the tail end of Giddy-Up’s chase as Austina stays one step ahead of her brother, waving the rug like it’s a butterfly’s wings. They run back towards the hallway as A.G. remembers he can crawl quicker than he can walk at the moment and he takes off in hot pursuit of his siblings. OfNostrils says he “wants to lay on it”, it being a yoga mat that I’ve been calling a rug. Austina lays on it as her older brother yanks her off screen like they are running the Iditarod. The scene changes to a perplexed A.G. who seems to realize that Lightning Crawl isn’t fast enough to join in his sibling’s games but doesn’t seem to know how to fix it. He holds his toe, grunts happily and flops over to crawl to his mother. She picks him up and tells us it’s a little hectic. The big TV perches precariously on the edge of the kitchen island, Planet G-Force must not be the TV room anymore. I wonder if it’s movie day at SOTBEOTKI. A.G. blandly observes his mother’s command to Giddy-Up that they weren’t watching anything right now. She blames the frenetic activity on the fact that they can’t run outside due to rainy weather. Paging Captain J’Obvious. She has all the Monday things to do on a Monday, because it’s a Monday. Giddy-Up is up to mischief as she tells him “No, sir”, stands up and sets her youngest down. In another “vlogs or it didn’t happen” moment, she tells them how long until snacktime. Giddy-Up and Austina giddily giggle as OfNostrils hits all the switches and turns lights on then off, then tries another switch. Finally getting her lighting right on this rainy day, she walks off to the hallway listing her chores. There is a reset, there’s dishes, there’s the kids’ rooms, there’s her room, there’s the bathroom, there's all the rooms. It’s a regular old Dr. Seuss up in here this week. OfNostrils blames her being behind on chores on a long weekend, as if it matters. She’s filming herself listing it instead of doing it.
OfNostrils stands behind Giddy-Up who sprays 409 on the kitchen table and wipes it down. He tells OfNostrils he wants to do the whole table and she tells him he can. Austina wipes the stools under the kitchen island and presents them with a flourish as she tells her mother what she has been doing. OfNostrils asks Giddy-Up what he’s doing, if he’s doing his chores. He is. A bowl of oatmeal sits unfinished on the table. OfNostrils goes to ask her third child what he is doing. A.G. is trying to get into the dishwasher and happily making baby sounds as he does. He stands up and OfNostrils tells us he stands up. And then I tell you he stands up. That’s enough meta for today. The older children walk back down the hallway reporting that they cleaned both the bathrooms. OfNostrils sets up the tripod to film them making their beds after thanking them. Giddy-Up’s bed is more neat while Austina’s is more abstract with part of one of her blankets spills over onto Giddy-Up’s. Couple q’s…What happened to Giddy-Up and A.G. sharing a room? Where is the bunk bed? If it was me, I would have just moved the bunks from the Guest/TV/A.G.’s Planet G-Force into the original kids’ bedroom. TBH, I would have put Austina in her own room as a baby 3 years ago and not had a TV room, but that’s just me. Austina stands atop her bed and then they bring their mother in and tell her to open her eyes. She films her reaction to their beds being made, which is to hug them and say “I love it”. Austina goes to straighten hers out as Giddy-Up gets another hug. The tripod films OfNostrils doing the dishes as A.G. sits in his high chair. Austina wanders from behind the TV and into the hallway. Giddy Up holds the tripod and his fingers enter the shot as he follows OfNostrils into the bedroom where she starts to put away laundry. When his mother says she will do it, he takes the camera in hand (literally) and reclines on his bed watching his mother do chores. He shows the ceiling, then Austina’s bed right next to his. She climbs on her bed, says hi and Giddy-Up rolls out of the bed he is “showing” everyone. They include all of his Nostrils aunts, is this what they tell them? We are showing your aunts? Giddy-Up joins Austina at a dirty mirror to show the phone for a split second. Giddy-Up cam takes us to an extreme zoom in on the door handle and wood grain. More of Giddy-Up’s hand and we end up in a black out in to a dresser as he sets it down.
OfNostrils appears at her front door, explaining Nostrils reminded her of the appointment for key fobs they need to their NeW SuBuRbAn. She realizes it’s raining as she walks out from under the porch. They are in a hurry because even though Nostrils helped dress the children (thankfully off screen this time), they are running late and he had to go to work. It’s a rainy, nasty day she says as she puts either her purse or youngest child in the car. I can’t tell because the next scene is the service guy programming the new fob. Giddy-Up perches on the front console and that makes me think there are even odds that a wild Jed! has appeared. OfNostrils hands one to her eldest, with a shirt on inside out and asks him to work the fob. She then films herself getting into the car as her youngest cries. An attempt at narrating how quick her errand was, she leaves the door open and complains that it’s getting soaked. In a case of “if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em”, Austina begins to cry also. OfNostrils asks why everyone is crying and after getting an inaudible answer she says “oh, well we are going home”. She pulls over to show Austina the key fobs and asks A.G. what is wrong. OfNostrils, now that everyone who can be settled down is settled down, must navigate the parking lot and attempt to leave.
Back at the Cabin again (feel free to sing that to the tune of Back in the Saddle Again, I did), OfNostrils tells us that their neighbors’ chicken is literally right outside their living room window. I thought it had gotten in her vehicle again. She says “oh my goodness, that thing’s obnoxious”. Well so are all the J’Locusts cranking out nontent for the socials and YouTube so what are we gonna do here, Joy? We find out Carlin has custody of their shared braincell as OfNostrils says “what do you call it when it uh cockadoodles, I don’t know”. Firstly, crowing is the term she is looking for. Secondly, we know you don’t know. SOTDRT and all that. She brushes off her ignorance of farm animals corresponding sounds and says she is going to get back to cleaning. Instead the scene cuts to Giddy-Up and Austina sitting on the couch. OfNostrils walks over with coats, sits on the couch and tells her children she is going to let them go play in the big puddle outside. Neither child wants to, despite OfNostrils explaining that they can have their jackets on to stay warm. Giddy-Up blocks the camera and says “no thank you” before he is beckoned back over to the couch. As OfNostrils makes another pitch for her non-tent after launching it from behind a nostalgia filter. “When I was a kid and it would rain I LIKED it!” never got anyone anywhere. Everyone knows what you think is fun, your kids will be like “ah, yes, the ancient relics and texts, BORING” . Once OfNostrils makes it clear that there is no mud, Giddy-Up is swayed. Austina is still against it and for the poor kid’s sake I wish she could just stay in the house and not be filmed regardless of if she is convinced to take part or not. Austina gives one more attempt to protest and say she doesn’t want to go, only to be met with OfNostrils “but Giddy-Up wants to”. With that settled, Austina decides she wants to wear a certain coat, OfNostrils says she has to get it herself. If I was Austina, I’d take all damn day about it. OfNostrils gets Giddy-Up’s overwear on in front of the camera. He takes off to find his sister as OfNostrils calls her children crazy because they didn’t want to go out in a cold, grey rain. A nice summer rain when it’s hot out is another story, but this ain’t it. If you need a winter coat, playing in the rain isn’t a fun option. She goes on to repeat everything like she didn’t just show the footage. She goes on to reminisce about how her Griftma Mary let her and her siblings play in a spring storm. It’s such a good memory she thinks that today was the perfect day to recreate it for her kids. She thinks this will get them to take a nap after a warm bath. I think this will just give them wet clothes. Either way, Giddy-Up goes toward the puddle and big rain falls. Austina has matched her pants to her coat and is actually the first in as Giddy-Up has stopped to roll up his pant legs. OfNostrils was setting this up “who will be first to go in?” like she didn’t have to practically bribe them to go outside in the first place. The children are asked if the ankle deep water was cold. Austina tells her mother it was deep. OfNostrils sends the children running through the cold puddle. They both run in opposite directions as Giddy-Up runs up to the camera excited, saying they can play. Austina walks up and says it’s cold and pulls her wet pant leg. Doesn’t matter though, Giddy-Up is cooperating with filming. He and Austina pass each other again, until she waits on the far side of the puddle and Giddy-Up slides to his knees in the middle of the puddle. OfNostrils asks Giddy-Up how it felt but he doesn’t answer because Austina is going to demonstrate how to swim. She gets a running start and hops in gently, with little splash. OfNostrils tells her child “whoa!” Austina repeats her jump and Giddy-Up does his version of the long jump into the puddle. She says they’re having so much fun as they walk back and forth in the puddle. Nostils appears in the cabin, pulling out an earpod and holding A.G. who has latched on visually to something on the counter. As he intently stares, his mother gives the keys to him as he breaks into a smile. His other hand joins in grabbing hold of the key fob and into his mouth it goes. Nostrils begins to bounce the resident rolly polly and say things like “oh you wanna eat them?” A.G. for his part isn’t actually eating the keys anymore, he is eating his own wrist. Nostrils spins to reveal this plot twist as A.G. has been tickled to the point of turning away from the camera. He gets told to stop it by his father and has a hearty laugh at the suggestion. OfNostrils has now followed Giddy-Up into the bathroom as he strips off his wet outer clothes. She comments that his hair is not wet as he focuses on taking off his boots and thankfully leaves him to undress in peace and privacy for a change. She says they are down for naps after a hot bath and they played outside for half an hour. A.G. smiles because he didn’t have to go outside, get a bath or take a nap. Giddy-Up flings himself down the hallway on his birthday skates as OfNostrils tells us how good he has gotten at skating with them. Nostrils pushes Giddy-Up up and down the hall a couple times until he is pushed towards the end of the hall where OfNostrils waits for him to skate down and smack the camera to end the vlog.
Welp, there it is folks, the week late but still not that stale Nostrils McBeardsley Power Hour. A.G. seems to join Nostrils and Austina in the Eagle Eye NASA Grandpa gene grouping and he also seems to be getting more mobile as we get closer to his first birthday and the countdown to the announcement of the 4th McBeardlsey child. Have a great day and a better tomorrow everyone!