Picture of hymen

Cyst like bump right below hymen skin 25f
Context: I have an obgyn appointment for my colposcopy next week after I had my Pap smear come back abnormal (it’s been like this the last two years) so I will be showing her this when I get there but I just wanted to see if anyone has any insights
Thankfully I’ve never had any symptoms like warts/bumps etc from HPV. So having this is freaking me out. I’ve never had anything down there like this before. I woke up Sunday morning with an uncomfortable feeling down there, and I definitely think it’s because of the location of it being right on the skin there. I think it was a little bigger in the morning than it was now, but again I’m not too sure what it is. It’s not on the side walls so that ruled out a side gland cyst for me. But obviously I don’t know and this morning was the first time I actually looked down to see what it was (to avoid the overthinking I guess). I also have not been sexually active in the last 6 months and my last std panel came out clear other than my Pap smear being abnormal
Thank you for your insight in advance! picture of cyst on other feed

I’ve been wanting to do more research about the vulva since I really know nothing about it (i literally thought the inner labia WAS the clit 🤦‍♀️)They only taught us about the inner reproductive system in school and even then it was not very good.
I did some research and i now know the basic anatomy, but my inner labia doesn’t look like the diagrams I see online.
My clitoral hold is quite long so I have to pull it all open to actually see. I think I found the clit, since it’s right underneath the hood and is quite sensitive, but the rest I can’t seem to pinpoint. In all the diagrams, it looks like the uretha is underneath the clit, but I can’t see any opening at all. And i can’t find the vaginal opening either. Is it because of my hymen? I do see something right in the center. It’s like a nub that kind of sticks out (maybe 1 cm long), and it looks like it should be where the vaginal opening should be. I did see a tiny hole near it, but it was not in the center and very small. Maybe a hymen tear. I don’t know. 😭😭😭
I’m 17 so i dont think i should share any pictures. I could try to draw what I see when I get the time.
I know I shouldn’t care this much, but if I’m going to be an adult that will eventually have sex, I want to know where everything is so I can properly take care of myself.

HI everyone,
I posted the other night in regards to a hymenectomy I was to be getting today (https://www.reddit.com/Healthyhooha/comments/1c0ynrh/hymenectomypap_smea)
Well...I went to the hospital today to have my procedure. Got prepared, got jabbed to high hell with an IV, got put under anesthesia, woke up in recovery, and my gyn came to tell me that... she only did a Pap smear because there was no hymen to ..ectomy ( I am trying to make light of this by making jokes but I am having a really hard time coming to terms with this) .
I am 26 and for years, I have struggled with penetration of tampons, my own finger, penises of the trash men who mocked me and belittled me for my virginity and "not being able to take it". I always thought it was mental, til I finally started seeing a Gyn at 25 (better late than never) who looked and confirmed that it does look like I have a small opening, and stated that she can do a hymenectomy with a Pap smear under anesthesia to check things out .
I honestly thought that there would be something for her to do , and I'm devastated to discover that the problem most likely is mental... that it is most likely vaginismus. She told me that while I was under, she was able to insert a speculum to do the cervical exam with no problem. She even showed me pictures of my vagina during surgery and sure enough, there was a speculum, inserted as well as two fingers of hers showing her doing a manual exam. I honestly thought that maybe she was lying to me and just stretched my hymen herself instead of doing the hymenectomy but I woke up with NO pain in my vaginal area from the cervical exam, no pain from stretching, just bleeding. I trust my gyn. She's the sweetest, most gentle, affirming woman and has done nothing but make me comfortable and be honest with me . I sought her out because a former PCP of mine (also sweet, gentle, affirming, queer friendly and downright phenomenal) recommended her to me and I knew I'd need someone gentle to handle me with care.
I spent most of the day in bed with my partner, partially because I'm exhausted from being up at 4 am and being put under anesthesia , but also because I'm devastated and don't know how to process this. Years of thinking something was wrong with me and this issue meant that I was broken, only to find out that it could be physical and NOT my fault, only to have the rug ripped out from under me to find out that... it actually is my fault and has been.
I got vaginal dilators for my hymenectomy recovery a few weeks ago, and she ended up prescribing me a muscle relaxer today, probably to take before my post-op exam. I'm just.. looking for some support right now I guess . I'm shattered and I really don't know how to process this right now... has the ever happened to someone?

I have this new client, Betsy (not her real name). She's seen me twice now. The first time she talked throughout the entire massage and told me so much stuff about her personal history and her family. It was unbelievable how much she talked and how much she shared. I tried to give her my best work, as I always do, but the elaborate stories I was obliged to pay attention to were a bit distracting. I checked in with her a couple times to make sure she was enjoying the massage and she assured me she was. Afterwards, she paid, she tipped, and she made another appointment.
When she came back for her second appointment I hoped she would be able to settle down and relax and enjoy the massage. This time it was even worse. She was talking so loudly I was having trouble relaxing (lol, I am trying to impart relaxing vibes to her, but her excessive chatter is making me feel a little on edge). She was telling me about all of the times a medical professional had been inappropriate with her throughout her life (she's 80). She gave many examples. I understand maybe she is just having memories and is processing stuff, maybe she is also lonely and needs someone to talk to. I tried my best to be a good listener and respond in a supportive manner while still giving her a great massage. Whew, honestly it's a bit draining. I'd rather not hear about some of this stuff. I'm leaving out the details for you guys! I definitely feel that she was over sharing. But she is 80, should I cut her some slack? The stuff she was telling me is borderline inappropriate (stuff about her hymen!!)....or am I being uptight?
Near the end of the massage, she told me she has "earth bound spirits". This is what others would refer to as "entities" or "spirit attachments". And the next thing she told me is how she doesnt want to get rid of them and why. Also told two different stories of two that she had gotten rid of and why. And a few more stories about them after that. She even indicated that a massage therapist like myself needs to protect myself from such entities, and from any unwanted energies that could be picked up from clients. I'm sure this would freak a lot of people out right? 😂
Sooo.....How do you guys handle clients that talk too much and over share?? I feel like if I told her the massage might be better if she didn't talk so much, that she would be offended. It's pretty clear that she really wants to talk the entire time. Some of you may feel like it is ok for the client to share whatever they want about their life. Do you guys feel this way? I felt that she was "over sharing", and I would prefer not to hear about some the things she was telling me. I realize it could be worse, in terms of the crazy inappropriate things that people could theoretically share. To what extent should we hold space for them to verbally discharge their stuff?? We aren't talk therapists.
A few more things I feel like you guys should know: She was taking off her clothes before I left the room. This is not a big deal to me usually, a few people here and there will do this, especially old ladies. I only mention it because of the other potential red flags. It kind of seemed like maybe she wanted me to see her naked (?) After her multiple stories about inappropriate medical professionals, she mentioned always referring to her massages as "massage therapy," or "manual therapy" throughout her life so that people wouldnt think she was going to those places where people "go to get orgasms". 🤷🏻‍♀️
Prior to the massage, she brought an interesting family artifact/heirloom she had just gotten back from a family member and said she wanted to show me, because she thought I would appreciate it. (Keep in mind I have only met her once before!) Then she asked if she could take my picture with the item! I thought it was extremely strange and I asked her why and she said so she would remember she had showed me the item. Since she is an old lady I obliged, but now, reflecting on all of this, I regret it.
I'm most interested in feedback from mature massage therapists who have been in practice a long time, or anyone mature and thoughtful who has dealt with difficult clients like this before. How did you handle it? What do you guys think of all this?? Am I overreacting or would you feel uncomfortable too?
She is coming back next week! I'm just wondering what will happen next! I'm anticipating at some point she is going to start asking me way too many questions about myself. What's the best way to shut that down without offending the client??

I swear to god, ever since dating my current boyfriend, I have continually ripped the bottom part of the vaginal (opening) area. (The area closer to the asshole, I hope I'm making sense). I've never had this problem with previous partners, even though I've had "bigger" partners, though I am prone to inner tearing anyway bc of vaginal atrophy.
We obstained from sex for about two weeks, and i noticed it started to heal, and the skin began closing/merging again. Maybe it's the hymen, but I dunno, is the hymen breaking early on or when you lose your virginity a myth? Should I still have it, and that's what I'm tearing?
I know its not normal, and I know it's probably not good for me, but does anyone have a similar experience or advice on how to either heal it, or if I should just... leave it be?
I'll post a picture of the area for context in case it isn't clear but any advice is appreciated

i’m 15 (almost 16) and i have a septate hymen. i’ve known about it for about 2-3 years. i have looked at pictures online and looked with a mirror at my own vagina and they look the exact same. i have a band of tissue splitting my vagina hole into 2.
my mum doesn’t know and i’m terrified to tell her. i am able to put tampons in but when i take them out i have to pull the bit of skin to the side. i want to be able to have sex when i am ready and i cannot do that with this septate. i don’t know how to tell my mum i don’t know what to say and i have very bad anxiety so i don’t even know HOW i would say it. does anyone have experience with this? please let me know. none of my friends are like this and i wouldn’t talk to them about it as i feel like i would be judged and they also can’t relate.
please help!

I have noticed a small cone-shaped growth under my urethra which partially obstructs my vaginal canal. It doesnt feel or look different than the tissue surrounding it and I can move the tip of it from side to side. It isnt attached to the lower part of my vaginal canal so I dont know that its just a weirdly shaped hymen. I am 21 and I have never had sex, this is the first time Ive actually seen my vulva so for all I know this might have been always there but I cant say for sure. I dont want to go to an obgyn for it and Im also apprehensive of posting pictures but Im scared that it might be cancerous or otherwise dangerous. Any idea from my description what this might be?

TW: SA, CNC
Its not every time but most of the time. Most to All sex dreams I have, I'm being raped.
doesnt matter much to the story, go down Which I dont mind since I have a kink for it. I've always had it. I remember when I was younger, acting like I was being forced to kiss my dolls.
The smell in the dreams only came recently in the past few years. I dont remember having SA dreams in my younger years, so I can't really speak on that.
I don't have any memories of being raped (If I was) but I was blackmailed when I was younger into sending pictures of myself and I remember that as my first SA.
continue here
I don't think I was raped, but I keep feeling like there has to be something. Why do I keep having a weird smell when I have SA dreams?? Someone mentioned it may be every time I have that smell, it causes the dreams, not the other way around. But i literally never smell this ever outside of dreaming.
I wonder if there's a repressed memory, and i only have record of the smell. I want to try to find the cologne, but that sounds like an impossible mission. But maybe if I could find one similiar to it, I could have family members smell it and see if it smells familiar.
I remember hearing my cousin say she remembered being SAed when she was younger but couldn't remember who. I think she will be the first person I talk to about it..
Edit: Also, my hymen is still intact (im pretty sure) so I doubt it was penetration, so maybe just something else? But my dreams, it happens during penetration. Im not sure if every time, but definitely everytime.
Or maybe I just farted.

So. My cousin's husband, named Tommy no less, once drove me somewhere. Just me and him. And that guy jammed polka. Nothing but polka. And he was into it like I'm into Bad Religion. If you're inna car with me you may find that even though I know most of the lyrics, it does not mean I can sing. Also, you'll probably guess I play guitar. Or have some sort of palsy in advanced stages, nerve damage and am close tooa stoke. Because my both my hands are moving in different ways and my right arm is kind of doing that Billie Joe Armstrong from Green Day thing. Not quite as pronounced. He's got his elbow up to jaw level most of the time. And I'm sending Morse Code on the accelerator pedal. That's how much this AARP member who clearly didn't share my views on anything was into polka. By the time we got from my mom's cousin's house in Schertz (that would make her still my cousin er something, right? But, since I'm from Texas totally acceptable to have sex with, right?) to my parents' property on what would become the Cibolo city limit, that guy was naming off each track, and fast forwarding the cassette to the best parts of each one before getting to the next one. It wasn't a commercial release, either. It wassa blank mixtape of nothing but hardcore polka. The hardest of the hardcore polka. And every song title ended with the word polka. Every single one. Beer Barrel Polka. Drunken Fistfight Polka. Cigarettes In Wastebin Polka. Accordions Are Heavy Polka. More Beer Polka. And my favorite cover - Too Drunk To Fuck Polka. It wasn't the only time I ever saw that guy, but it was the only time we ever spoke. In fact, I'm not sure I actually ever said anything. As soon as we got in his vehicle he did the exact same thing I did first in mine - immediately after fastening seat belt reaching to the center of the dash and turning up the volume, then choosing what the soundtrack that fit the scene was. Then shift into reverse. Upon forward motion in street, forget you are driving. My chaffuer's custom mix that day was at least one solid hour of My Polka Is Harder Core Than Yours. The average beat per minute was almost exactly the same as the average Bad Religion song, maybe 150-170 BPM. I didn't even think about it. I removed a guitar pick from the assortment I carried in the full bill size leather chain wallet my grandmother got me atta flea market for my 13th birthday and started hitting the chain links at my thigh pocket much like one would the bar button onna Guitar Hero controller. Polka Man had his own movements - a sort of two handed pulling upward motion that was synced much like the upstroke inna reggae riff. Felt atta time off of the downbeat. Which is not what anyone actually playing the recorded instruments was doing, but issa sort of psychsomatic effect offa genre-specific high pitch in the standard polka, um, groove? Issthata groove? I'm not sure what that's referred to as, but it probably has a hard consonant sound in German. The motion I was making did not fit the recorded instruments either. I was beating the shit out of an imaginary electric guitar using nothing but downstrokes atta tiring, cramping pace. Both of us were locked into the implied uh, polyrhythms (?) that would have worked had we been innon that recording session. That was the only time I ever saw that guy with a look on his face that didn't express he thought everything in the world was shit. Come to think offit, I'm pretty sure he didn't say anything except the names in English of each track, all of which were sung in German.
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I have a friend who specializes in listening to what I think of as the lowest common denominator of any and every genre. I try to do the opposite - find the real defining champions of each specialized type. Not this guy. I am not being insulting when I describe his idiosyncratic audio quest either. More like describing his preference for the absolute most stripped down to the essence with the utmost minimum of tools to do the job. He was the first person to inform me that there was so much other music to listen to besides what was played on the radio, especially my parents' radios. I was eight or nine and I always carried a Walkman©®™ or equivalent, even to school, which wasn't allowed. I was in all the nerdiest classes, and the principals were always in the hallways somewhere else. From first to ninth grade, when I stopped attending the public schools, I have one lunch detention in fifth grade for holding up three fingers to a fellow classmate and telling her to read between the lines. My homeroom teacher caught that. Little kids are like that when they like each other and don't have the clearance of puberty to express it properly. I hit puberty way earlier than allot of my entire grade. Shaving by twelve and outgrown my dad's clothes by the next year. I was joking around in the hallway and speaking tooa girl I liked named Deanna Dolford, who would unfortunately move away to Myrtle Beach, South Carolina, where I had just been for four years. She was the cutest and smartest and coolest girl in my classes, most of whom I already felt isolated from. Getting caught wearing headphones meant confiscation and whatever else the cranky adult who obviously liked spanking children with a cricket bat drilled with holes for less wind resistance could think of. Which deterred me absolutely not at all. Even by fifth grade I was already wearing as much black clothing assi could, having no real control over my wardrobe, and generally refusing to cut my hair for as long as possible. Except for three or four girls that had also begun encroaching on adulthood, there was none of my classmates usually that I wanted to be in the same building with, much less talk to. Headphones werra must, and I amused myself by wearing them as much as possible openly without getting spotted by the Fun Police. The bus drivers never gave a shit, and my bus was always the first to get to school and the last to leave, more thanan hour each time, because I lived in unincorporated land outside the city limits. It was on bus 29 in the morning that officially my path in life was bestowed. My buddy Adrean, two or three years older than me, brought two cassettes that changed my life. The Dead Kennedys' Give Me Convenience Or Give Me Death album and GWAR, the album with Slaughterama onnit. That song in particular and Dear Abby on the other one I distinctly recall as being the songs that were the first I heard on each. I am currently forty-four years old and there issa round Dead Kennedys logo sticker on the top of my external sound card/recording interface. Not only was the content of the lyrics completely different from anything I'd ever heard anyone ever say inna song, but every aspect of the audio accompanying was utterly alien. Both of these albums were recorded atta time when recording anything at all, even tooa blank cassette tape, was expensive. To say that these bands are an acquired taste is so much offan understatement. I still tell myself that DK just couldn't afford to make their albums sound good. Because certainly that wasn't what they really wanted it to sound like, right? Who the fuck would plug the whole band into a cassette boombox aux input and adjust the three band EQ so that the treble knob was all the way up and the bass and mids were all the way down? No one would ever do that on purpose. That would make your band sound....oh. Right. Punk rock. The band members of GWAR wore gigantic foam latex full body costumes and had names like Balzac- The Jaws of Death, Slymenstra Hymen, and Oderus Urungus. I would later on that week watch an hour long VHS tape of theirs where the music was presented assa full length movie of sorts with something offa plot and story connecting the songs, which centered on the singer Oderus hunting down his ambulatory severed penis, itself named The Cuttlefish Of Cthulhu. Slaughterama wassa gameshow where a question answered incorrectly resulted in the murder of the contestant. My favorite part was when " another skinhead straight from Hitler's ass " gets his head blown off with a shotgun. Dear Abby is about a " decent, hardworking county coroner " who " can't afford to feed his family " due to Ronald Reagan's trickle-down economy, so he writes the popular newspaper advice columnist and divulges that he's been supplimenting his family's protein intake with human flesh " mixed with Tuna Helper - and ta da! " Abby tells him that as long as the meals are blessed by his priest that " everything will be just fine. " Bon Jovi and C&C Music Factory never said anything remotely like that. Jello Biafra's vocal delivery is still bizarre. No one else chooses to do that in front offa microphone. Its the equivalent of sticking your thumbs in your ears and wiggling your fingers on the side of your head while blowing a raspberry. A mockery of singing itself.
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I am currently staying atta compartment technically in walking distance from this guy. He wears Cattle Decapitation shirts to his job at Brake Check telling the rest of the workers what to do and getting commission off their greasy labors. A full one-third of the appliances in his house were complimentary gifts from Snap-On (ever hadda Snap-On smoothie?) and his locking, GPS tracked, named after a girl like a Cabbage Patch Kid toolchest (Brylee, and no, its nottan option to choose or change that) contains drawer after drawer of lifetime warrantied things that get the job done without having to improvise.
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Last time I was riding in his car we were jamming the first two Rancid albums. (Yes. I am aware that no one jams music anymore. And no. I'm not bringing it back. We're just so much more uncool than you that you'll never reach this level of uncoolness even if you take classes. The narrator nyah nyahs in Jello Biafra's voice.) In case you aren't familiar, the main singer of the band Rancid, Tim " Lint " Armstrong, sings like Ozzy Osbourne speaks. To this day. Rancid is still making albums as far as I know, and he's been in at least half a dozen other bands as well - always as a singer as well as playing an instrument. You cannot mistake him for someone else. No one. Has ever. Sounded like this guy. And decided. From a teenage age. To continuously make vocal recordings. And then sell them. With videos. Lots of them. One of the most fucking prolific recording artists in fucking history. He's been on as many albums as Lance Hendrickson has been in movies. And if you have watched ten or more films in your lifetime, you have seen Lance Hendrickson. If I point him out, you'll slap your forehead and be like, " No, shit! " And then I'll tell you this - that BadMotherFucker was illiterate until his forties. He issin at least a supporting role in two films currently in theaters. In the beginning, there was Lance and Keith Richards. They rode dinosaurs. Not to anywhere. There was before there was places. Seriously. Last time I checked he had been in over 70 films. That was a while ago. You have seen at least one of these films. Its impossible you haven't unless you don't have eyes. And until his mid-forties he couldn't read. Think about that. He's an actor. He gets paid to pretend he's someone else. Really hard. Not only that, but he also doesn't get to choose what he says as someone else. Directors are really specific on that in the contracts. That is unfuckingbelievable. Not only did he have to memorize someone else's words - allot of them - but he had to memorize someone else reading someone else's words out loud. And then make it all his own so we believe him. You try doing it that way for one thirty second cereal commercial. You'll wind up being the one eating all that bright white Elmer's glue in the bowl spoonful after spoonful, take after take.
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Tim is of the same philosophical school. He's gonna be the singer inna band. Not one day. Right now. I shit you not. At one point in time its absolutely possible he got on stage with completely different bands, maybe even in different time zones, four out of seven days a week. All summer long. Not to say he was only a member of four bands, just there's only so fast planes can fly. It takes a whole week to get to gigs in Los Angeles, Boston, Rio de Janeiro, Rome, and Madrid. Almost made it five this week. Shit. 12" rainbow colored liberty spike mohawks are labor intensive. You ever try to hunt down egg whites and variety packs of Kool-Aid inna country where you don't speak the language? We're not Journey. There's no crystal etched bowl of only grape Skittles in our dressing room. No one at the customs counter at any airport ever sees us and just waves us through, man. We have to do all of our drugs before we get on the plane, man. TSA is not into solid metal, hand-filed to jagged sharks teeth studs on medieval leather jackets onna summer tour in Australia either, man. We have our Doc Martens off, in our hands, IDs and Passports clipped to the chains running between our nostrils and central ear canals.
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These are not examples of people who don't give a fuck.
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These are examples of people who give more fucks than you've ever had.
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You cannot show up late and cut out at lunchtime if you want something that is important. Something that matters. Something that has your picture on the open folder icon.
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Are you alive? Are you sure?
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If I asked someone else, would they shrug, yawn, or keep walking?
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Do you want anything?
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How long did it take you to answer that?
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By the way. Don't ever call Lance Hendrickson a pretender. Even if you're not in the same time zone. He will find you. Quickly. And he will. Fuck. You. Up. And his pet dinosaur, who also hassan Academy Award statue dated before you were born, will shit out your UV plastic coated teeth on the neatly manicured sod by the sparkling Elmer's glue white sidewalk on Main St.

“She eyes me like a Pisces when I am weak. I've been locked inside your heart-shaped box for weeks. I've been drawn into your magnet tar pit trap. I wish I could eat your cancer when you turn black.”
“Hey! Wait! I got a new complaint. Forever in debt to your priceless advice. Hey! Wait! I got a new complaint. Forever in debt to your priceless advice. Hey! Wait! I got a new complaint. Forever in debt to your priceless advice. Your advice.”
“Meat-eating orchids forgive no one just yet. Cut myself on angel hair and baby's breath. Broken hymen of 'Your Highness', I'm left black. Throw down your umbilical noose so I can climb right back.”
“Hey! Wait! I got a new complaint. Forever in debt to your priceless advice. Hey! Wait! I got a new complaint. Forever in debt to your priceless advice. Hey! Wait! I got a new complaint. Forever in debt to your priceless advice. Your advice.”
I spent the morning looking after my dad. Also spent some time cleaning my room. I feel as if I do a better job on turning it into a mess after each time I clean it.
Also started writing a list about locations to check out when I’m at Japan. Also made sure to add some restaurant and bars that I’ve seen on tik tok. I’m going to eat a shit ton. I’ve already had a brief idea on places I’d like to check out. I’d also like to take a lot of pictures. And spend a lot of money. And make some regrettable decisions.
I was like a dog waiting for their owner to come home when it came to my THC being delivered. It was meant to be delivered tomorrow, but some-fucking-how, it’s arriving a day earlier than expected. That was a great surprise.
Once I opened it, I filled up the cart, and I started getting high once again. Also got this funny ass sticker of a Smurf smoking a joint.
It was a boring day.
Looking Back on 9/18/22: God damn, why the hell did I order two boxes of pizza for myself. Jesus. Lmao, I got a vivid memory of throwing that pizza away. I remember how I started regretting throwing it away not even a second afterward.
I’m happy I kept journaling. It allows me to see the state of mind I was in. Also allows me to see how I’ve grown (or fallen) We’re all constantly changing, it’s a blessing and a curse. But that’s how life is.
Song Of The Day: Nirvana - Heart Shaped Box
Genre: Grunge
It’s a damn shame that Kurt is no longer with us. He knew music.

I’m 22F and have had trouble putting in tampons, finger, anything into my vagina. I have a lot of pain and usually i feel skin or something not letting my finger or anything else through( i can usually just fit the tip of my finger before it starts to hurt) Usually when i’m on my period i can see the opening to my vagina but it’s about the size of a eraser on a #2 pencil. I’ve done some research and my vaginal opening usually looks like the annular hymen/ or maybe septate hymen pictures on google. I’m just curious if anyone else has gone through this and what did you do to fix it? I’ve also met a really nice guy and im afraid to tell him i can’t have sex because of this. I haven’t visited an OBGYN before because im afraid of them trying to put anything through and it hurting a lot. It’s really caused me a lot of issues in my sex life and mental health just thinking i’m not able to do normal things. If anyone has any advice, i’ll take it🙏

For the last 4 years this girl who messaged me randomly on an instagram I haven't posted on since I was a kid has been the dopest pen pal, writer partner, app ever.
It's always been a dramatic relationship in a great way: some crazy on the same page shit, tons of learning through each other, help and insight etc. Less than a year ago it turned romantic on top of the fact she's crazy pretty and fit.
While knowing her I've had relationships and sex not deprived (but jacking off is a fine substitute guys, don't get discouraged, stick to life goals). This summer some awful atrocities happened against me and I decided to get a visa, fly out and visit her for the first time.
We had been calling all the time but never faced timed once. I'd seen a few short videos of her and lots of pictures but oh my god she's 10 times prettier in person holv shit. Went on our first date and kissed her at the end of the night. We've been laying together and kissing all over the place. Nothing naked-like, but not worried about that. Would even take her anal virginity before her vaginal virginity, just worried/have no idea what would happen to her after Ileave for so long.
Is it better to not break her hymen and everything else? Would it leave her feeling more empty than she would otherwise?
I need some help deciding what's best for her. I think she kinda wants it since she's I'd say an internet baby, just curious enough. But she'll love whatever and whatever I think is best. So much trust between us
Thanks :)

Q. What do you call a woman with red hair who also pegs?
A. Ginger Rail.
Q. What’s another word for cereal?
A. Synonym Toast Crunch.
A man goes to the psychiatrist and tells him he’s having trouble making friends.
So he asks him “Do you have any advice or are you a spineless Nu Male like all the rest?”
I got fired from my job at the keyboard factory.
They said I wasn’t putting in enough shifts.
Q. Why did The Grim Reaper see an optometrist?
A. Because he was having trouble with his death perception.
I asked my cat to make a sandwich for me.
So he looked at me and said “Me-how?”
Q. What does chocolate and police officers have in common?
A. They’ll both kill your dog.
I lost my ex due to a heart attack but I blame it on my new job.
Had I not been a boxing referee I wouldn’t have counted to 10 first.
A group of dictators walk into a bar.
And proceed to order everybody around.
Q. What’s a Redneck’s favorite type of fruit?
A. Pump-Kin.
Q. What style of Martials Arts do monkeys practice?
A. Flung Poo.
There was once an old professor who began every class with a vulgar joke.
So all the female students agreed to do a walkout if he did another one.
However one of his male students tipped him off ahead of time so when class started he announced
“Have you heard about the shortage of prostitutes in Newfoundland?”
And with that all the female students immediately stood up and began heading out of the room.
So he says “Wait a minute, the boat doesn’t leave until tomorrow.”
I bought my blind friend a cheese grater.
He told me it was the most violent book he’s ever read.
Q. Who polices cornfields?
A. The Crops.
Q. What do you call 2 best buddies who really like Math?
A. Alge-bros.
A man walks into a library and sees the most beautiful woman standing behind the counter.
So he walks over and asks “Will you go on a date with me?”
So she replies “No, I’m fully booked.”
A man asks his friend if he’ll have sex with another man for $100.
“No way man,” he replies, “I ain’t gay.”
“Would you do it for $1,000?”
“Hmm, that’s a lot of money, but it still isn’t worth my dignity.”
“What about $10,000?”
“Okay, you got me, I’d do it for that much.”
“See,” the man replies “There isn’t no such thing as no gays but not enough money.”
I just found out someone stole my credit card information and bought for all kinds of Milf porn.
I’m afraid I’m a victim of Identity Freud.
A Freudian Slip is when you say one thing…
But you mean your mother.
Money doesn’t buy love.
But you can rent it for an hour or so.
Q. What did the magician do when he was on the run?
A. He turned himself into the police.
I never found out what happened to my friend who couldn’t pay his mortgage.
I’ve always wondered, ya know, foreclosure.
Q. What do you when you cross a duck with a squirrel?
A. A nut quacker.
Q. If 2 vegans give eachother the silent treatment do they have any beef between them?
A. No, it’s beyond meat.
Opinions are like assholes.
Everyone has one and they all stink.
Q. What year were kangaroos discovered?
A. Leap Year.
In Ancient Rome Poisons I, II and III were highly lethal.
But Poison IV just made you very itchy.
I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home.
However she wasn’t very happy when I walked off with her cardboard box.
Q. Why can’t you use a computer in the jungle?
A. Because there are too many bugs.
Q. Why did the farmer get arrested?
A. He let his ass out in public.
I miss my old Biology teacher Mrs. Turtle.
She had an unusual name but she tortoise well.
Today I found out The Invisible Man has been masturbating about me.
It just came out of nowhere.
Sometimes people mock me about having amnesia.
But I just forget about it and move on.
Q. What do you call an angry carrot?
A. A steamed vegetable.
I lost an argument with my Irish Setter.
He just made such a good point.
Q. Why did the Hipster burn his tongue on his coffee?
A. Because he drank it before it was cool.
I was laying down on top of a bus stop booth when the cops arrested me.
They didn’t want me to get any ideas above my station.
I went to pickup my bags at the airport but everybody had better luggage than me.
It was a worst case scenario.
Reddit is killing third party software. Read more about it below.
More.
A man walks into a bar and orders a Cuba Libre.
So the bartender hands him an apple and says
“Take this, it’s a magic apple. It can turn into anything you want.”
So he takes a bite and says “Wow, it really worked.”
Then the next comes in and orders a Screwdriver.
So once again the bartender hands him the magic apple and tells him the same thing and once again it works.
So then someone else says “I wish you could turn it into some pussy.”
So the bartender hands him the magic apple and the guy says “Hey, this tastes like shit.”
So the bartender says “Turn it around.”
My friend Tony told me not to say his name backwards.
So I replied “Why not?!”
Q. What do lawyers wear to court?
A. Lawsuits.
A man got a call from his health insurance company.
“Sir, I’m calling to tell you that your claim has been rejected.”
“But why?” he asked.
“I’ll be blunt. We do not reimburse people for sleeping with prostitutes.”
“But it was ordered by my doctor, I swear!”
“Sir, I have worked here for many years and I have never heard of a primary care physician prescribing sex with a hooker.”
“But he did. He told me that I needed whore-moan-therapy.”
I went on a date with a woman who sexually identifies as a trash can.
I just can’t remember if need to take her out on Tuesday or Wednesday.
I was going to tell you a time travelling joke.
But you didn’t like it.
I was sitting in a bar one day when a beautiful Blonde came over to compliment me on my watch.
I said it’s a special watch that tells me facts about the people I’m speaking to.
She kept asking me for a fact about herself until finally I said she wasn’t wearing any underwear.
She told me she was wearing French knickers so I replied it must be running fast.
Today I finally kissed a girl.
I just wish that didn’t qualify as a joke.
Q. What do you use if you don’t have a condom?
A. A fake name.
I stumbled into a liquor store and found a can that said “Best Drunk Before 2023”
So I congratulated myself on this prestigious award.
Q. Which is the best offense in The NFL?
A. Domestic Violence.
Never trust female leaders.
They’ve very misleading.
Today I met a British spy but I don’t think he was very smart.
I asked him who he worked for and he said “Am I Six?” but he was atleast 40.
I threw my wife a surprise bukakke party.
You should have seen her face.
Girls are like Playdoh.
Colorful and nontoxic.
Q. What’s the atheist’s version of a “God Complex”?
A. Reddit Admin.
Q. What did the toast say to the cinnamon and sugar?
A. You would look good on me after I get out of bed.
Watch out for Communist propaganda.
They’re a major Red flag.
Q. What did Steven say after the other kids made fun of him at Astronomy club?
A. No more Mr. Night Sky.
Did you hear they arrested The Devil?
They got him for possession.
I saw a video online called BBC destroys teen.
But I think The British Broadcasting Company should have better standards for themselves.
I purchased some BBC videos on Amazon Prime.
The Battle Bots Channel is small but they can really pack a pack.
I recently joined a nudist colony
The first few days were the hardest.
One colon can completely change the meaning of a sentence.
For example “Jane ate her friend’s sandwich” and “Jane ate her friend’s colon.”
If you purchase a social media site for $45 billion and after a series of bad managerial decisions it’s only worth $11 billion what do you call it?
X-crement.
A perfectionist walked into a bar.
Apparently it wasn’t set high enough.
Q. What’s the maximum depth for pools?
A. Deep-ends.
Q. What’s worse than finding a worm in your apple?
A. Half a worm.
For awhile I didn’t have enough money to pay my electric bill.
Those were very dark times.
Sometimes I become sad because I don’t have friends.
But then I remember I downloaded all 10 seasons on Bittorrent.
Q. Why did the prisoner keep interrupting the judge?
A. Because he couldn’t finish his sentence.
My furry friend told me her fetish is to be vored by squirrels.
So I replied “You must be nuts.”
Q. What do you call a chicken who’s staring at some lettuce?
A. Chicken sees-a-salad.
Q. How many tap dancers does it take to fix a lightbulb?
A. A 5 and a 6 and a 5, 6, 7, 8.
During a job interview my soon to be new boss told me she only had 3 openings.
So I said “I know.”
Can we please ban jokes about hymens?
They’re simply too tear-able.
Did you hear about the rooster who draws obscene pictures?
The cock will doodle you.
I found $20.00 sitting on the ground by a liquor store and I asked myself “What would Jesus do?”
So I turned it into wine.
The bar has gotten so low
That now I’m limbo dancing with the devil.
I walked into a library the other day.
It was like reading an analogue version of Reddit but without all the mods.
I played a celebrity version of Clue one time.
Turns out the killer was “Reese with her spoon.”
Q. How do you drown a hipster?
A. Throw him into mainstream.
Did you hear about the blacksmith who’s down on his luck?
He’s been out of swords lately.
If women are so good at multitasking
Then they should be able to make love and have a headache simultaneously.
My autobiography was a major flop.
The story of my life.
My girlfriend surprised me by wearing nothing but a purple negligee and holding a silk rope.
She said “Tie me up and do whatever you please.”
So after getting her fastened in there I immediately untied her.
When Chuck Norris plays Battleship
He sinks The Titanic on his first move.
There once was a man with a 15 inch penis. He sometimes had trouble walking around and the women used to avoid him since it hurt too much to put it in.
One day he met a magical fairy and he asked for her help.
So she said “There is a mysterious frog who lives on that mountaintop. Each time you walk up and ask her out on a date and she says ‘No’ your manhood will shrink by 1 inch.”
So he walks up, asks her out and she says “No” and it shrinks by inch.
Then he walks up there the next day and she says “No” again and it shrinks by another inch.
He keeps going until he it gets down to 9 inches and she says “No-no, no-no, no-no-no-no-no!”
My doctor told me I was “Too Sweet.”
Her exact words were “Severely Diabetic” but I knew what she meant.
I wanted to see if my niece had learned her colors yet so I kept pointing at things and asking her what color it was.
So then she looks at me and says “I think this something you should figure out yourself.”
You must be a toaster.
Because if I took a bath with you I’d end up in Heaven.
My wife arranges all her plates by the year she purchased them.
It’s an extremely rare dish-order.
A man with delusions of grandeur picks up a hitchhiker.
After getting in the car he thanks him for picking him up then asks “How do you know I’m not a serial killer?”
So the man replies “What are the odds of 2 of them being in the same car?”
Q. What’s an Indian’s favorite kind of book?
A. Naan-fiction.
Q. Why did the Buddhist join a monastery?
A. Because he couldn’t vacuum without attachments.
A rowdy guest was kicked out of a Science Fiction convention.
He was contributing to excessive entropy on the environment.
Me: I think we should stop seeing eachother
Her: Stop saying that everytime we turn the lights off.
It only takes 4 words to get a guy to reach rock bottom.
“Is it in yet?”
I’m not homophobic.
Fear is gay.
Q. What’s the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms?
A. One’s a Goodyear and the other’s a really good year.
Q. Why do fat girls like to make pornos?
A. Because their clothing size is triple-X.
Q. What did the man put parmesan on his spaghetti?
A. For the grater good.
Did you hear they’re making an all potato remake of “The Princess Bride”?
“My name is Idaho Montoya. You peeled my father: prepare to die.”
Q. What do you call a fat Nazi?
A. A wide supremacist.
Q. What do you call the cockpit of an all female crew of pilots?
A. The box office.
Jesus said “Come forth and receive eternal life.”
So I got a fifth of vodka.
Q. What the difference between Northern fairy tales and Southern fairy tales?
A. Northern fairy tales begin with “Once upon a time” but Southern fairy tales begin “Y’all ain’t gonna believe this shit.”
I told my wife that we need to pay double the price of our house for our 30 year mortgage.
So she replied “Interesting.”
After a long week at the office I asked my coworker how he was doing.
He said “Great, I feel like a hundred bucks”
So I replied “That’s swell, I feel like eighty eight bucks.”
I told my Mom one of my friends called her a Milf.
So she immediately replied “Which friend?”
Q. Which job produces the biggest assholes?
A. Interracial gangbang pornos.
A ghost walked into a bar.
So the bartender replied “We don’t sever spirits here.”
A man told his girlfriend to give him a blowjob.
She said “Can you be more romantic?”
So he replied “Give me a blowjob in the rain.”
I bought my girlfriend a weighted blanket.
But we had to breakup because she couldn’t take the pressure.
Great minds think alike.
But idiots seldom differ.
Q. What do you call a prostitute with a runny nose?
A. Overflowing.
I would like to make a joke about jets.
But it would probably go over all your heads.
I’m making a movie about a guy who drops way too many F-bombs each time he gets high.
It’s called “Effenheimer.”
Q. Did you hear about the guy who used to give dynamite to toddlers?
A. He was a Baby Boomer.
Q. Why was the asshole such a bad comedian?
A. Because all his material was corny.
A man was killed while on his honeymoon.
Authorities said he hadn’t suffered much since he’d only been married for several days.
It didn’t bother me when my girlfriend dumped me for having a small manhood.
I wasn’t very much into her anyways.
I couldn’t get a refund at the BDSM convention.
They told me their hands were tied.
My psychiatrist told me I can only get high if I eat marijuana gummies with my Mom.
Apparently I have an edible complex.
I failed my photography exam.
I simply couldn’t focus.
I tried to convince my girlfriend to use my DIY penis copier dildo.
Eventually we broke it off.
I tried to think of a joke about restraining orders.
But I was afraid this is as close as I’m allowed to get.
Q. Who’s the worst historical figure to give you a colonoscopy?
A. Jack The Ripper.
Joe Momma’s so dumb.
It takes her 2 hours to watch “60 Minutes.”
Last year I had a great joke about inflation.
But it’s hardly worth it now.
I have nothing against Capital Punishment in theory.
The problem is with the execution.
A woman was fed up with her husband coming home late every night so she writes a note which reads “I’ve had enough and I’m leaving you. Don’t bother coming after me” then hid under the bed.
So the husband comes home, puts his things away and sees the note. He becomes ecstatic and scribbles something else on the note. After that he dials a number on his phone and says “My wife left me. It’s about bloody time. Put on that nice French nightie and I’ll be over to see you.”
So then the wife gets out from under the bed and picks up the note. It reads “I can see your feet under the bed. We’re out of toilet paper. I’ll be back in 15.”
Q. How do you know if a mechanic has a girlfriend?
A. His hands are clean.
After Chuck Norris sleeps with a hooker she pays him.
I got a taco kit but the salsa didn’t have any heat to it.
I was mildly disappointed.
I tried using “Dick” for my password.
But it was rejected for not being long enough.
I think someone is using my wife.
I asked how her day was and she said “They fucked me at work again.”
Someone told me discussions on Identity Politics are fruitless and unproductive.
So I replied “But just look at all the distrust and frustration they produce.”
I got up this morning and fell and hit my head on a drumset.
Now I have percussion.
I’m the brightest star in the night sky.
I’m Sirius.
Q. Why do crocodiles throw temper tantrums at the dinner table?
A. The food made them snap.
Q. What weapon is Hellen Keller immune to?
A. Flashbangs.
An economist, a psychologist and a businessman walk into a bar.
The economist notes how declining employment is causes alcohol sales to rise.
The psychologist notes how deteriorating mental health is driving alcoholism.
The businessman notes he’d like to open a distillery.

Note: For my before & after pictures related to this post, just go to my profile and you will see my original post on /obgyn that allows hooha 🍑 pics.
Summary at the bottom ⬇️
I’ve hated sex for at least 10 years of my life. I always throught I had vulvodynia because during and after intercourse, my vulva would be burning so much, like my skin was raw and irritated (even when using lube, although no lube was just absolutely horrifically painful, so the more lube, the less irritated it got, but always got pain and irritation).
I am so mad that no doctor has ever told me that I had hymenal remnants or vestibular papillomatosis [VP] (although I was later officially diagnosed by the doc after bringing it up to them). It was through Reddit that I understood to have these conditions. I felt like it was always kind of brushed it off, and one of my gynecologists told me that I should just try using dilators. The problem wasn’t vaginismus or insertion, it was this burning/irritation problem that was caused from friction. Even tight clothes or bike riding would really make it flare up.
Well, after doing a bunch of research on this vestibular papillomatosis, I finally discovered cryotherapy and told my gyno (again, I’m mad that it had to come from me and not from her). She referred me to someone who especializes in that and I got it done TODAY! I felt so so so so hopeful and empowered for having made that decision MYSELF!
However, about the procedure… I’m astounded that this procedure does not offer any anesthesia or numbing cream. I have felt pain in my life, but this was on a different level. If I could rate the pain from 1-10, that was probably a 10-11… She used 4 different nitrogen bulbs with a dispensing pen-looking thing and pretty much froze my entire inner labia from the inside part near the opening where you see in the picture. The whole thing took about 20 mins of agonizing pain…. And as she finished she told me to get dressed as they were all done and I’m like: I need to sit here and fucking calm down as I believe my adrenaline is through the roof right now and I don’t want to pass out. After a few mins I got dressed, paid $350 for that procedure, and left. After the adrenaline worn off, I felt a big crash and took a nap without my underwear on so it could breathe as it was still hurting.
Now here I am, hopeful that this will improve my life in general, and also my sex life. I have a follow up appointment in three weeks, and will post pictures after I start seeing more results.
Now in regards to my hymenal remnants… I wanted to know if anyone has anything similar? Is sex painful as this extra skin “flaps” in and out when you’re having intercourse? I spoke to the gyno who specializes in cryotherapy today about it and she said that mine is definitely one of the thickest she’s seen but I should see if treating the vestibular papillomatosis with cryotherapy helps with irritation before thinking of addressing the hymenal tags with more invasive procedures.
Guys, I’m so so so hopeful that my life & sex life will improve after this procedure 🙏 I am posting and will update with progress & pics because I want more people with pussies to take fucking control of their bodies and not settle for the dismissal of our pain when we talk to professionals.
Note: first picture is immediately after the procedure, and the second picture is from the day before. I genuinely do not see any changes in my vulva from yesterday to today, but I’m hoping that I will see some changes in the next weeks.
TLDR: my vulvar pain has always been brushed off by doctors, until I found out about vestibular papillomatosis (VP) and hymenal remnants on the Internet and through Reddit. Told my gynecologist about it, she confirmed I had both, and referred me to a gyno who is a cryotherapy specialist. Got the procedure to address VP done today for $350, but I experienced the worst pain that I’ve ever felt in my life for 20 agonizing minutes as she poured liquid nitrogen on my inner labia. Although it hurt, I am very very very very hopeful that his procedure will improve my life and also sex life as I always suffered from pain after intercourse or riding bikes, or wearing tight clothes.

**Because I was recently called out by a particular poster who's quote was:

Tamponica has a major chip on his/her shoulder about BDI. I honestly don’t know why they stick around except to troll. Every “one off” incident BDI has to suspect Burke is easily dismissed but the only thing they have for JDI is some sweater fibers, which could have any number of explanations.

and

Between the people in that family, the cumulative number of odd or suspicious details fall primarily on Patsy or Burke. Hardly anyone has much to say about John

Addressing the sweater fibers:
From the autopsy:
"During the vaginal examination, small dark colored fibers were found on JonBenet’s external labia. A faint area of purple discoloration was noted on the right labia major. Vascular congestion was found along the inner membrane of the vaginal vault, and red water fluid, appearing to be blood, was present. The hymeneal opening had a mild abrasion, and the hymen appeared to have been torn. Dr. Meyer noted that the trauma to JonBenet’s vaginal area was consistent with digital, rather than penile penetration. He was not able to determine if there had been previous trauma to the vaginal area. Dr. Meyer stated that it appeared that JonBenet’s pubic area may have been cleaned, or at least wiped by someone using a towel or piece of clothing. Small dark blue fibers, consistent with a cotton towel, were recovered from the vaginal area."
From police interviews:
MR. LEVIN: Mr. Ramsey, it is our belief based on forensic evidence that there are hairs that are associated, that the source is the collared black shirt that you sent us that are found in your daughter's underpants, and I wondered if you --
JOHN RAMSEY: Bullshit. I don't believe that. I don't buy it. If you are trying to disgrace my relationship with my daughter --
MR. LEVIN: Mr. Ramsey, I am not trying to disgrace --
J. RAMSEY: Well, I don't believe it. I think you are. That's disgusting.
MR. LEVIN (questioning Patsy): I understand your position. In addition to those questions, there are some others that I would like you to think about whether or not we can have Mrs. Ramsey perhaps in the future answer. I understand you are advising her not to today, and those are there are black fibers that, according to our testing that was conducted, that match one of the two shirts that was provided to us by the Ramseys, black shirt. Those are located in the underpants of JonBenet Ramsey, were found in her crotch area, and I believe those are two other areas that we have intended to ask Mrs. Ramsey about if she could help us in explaining their presence in those locations. (Patsy refuses to answer the question.)
The sweater had never been laundered and the underpants were a size 12 and had presumably been taken from straight out of the package.
Addressing that supposedly no one has anything to say about John who I agree seems to have fallen under the radar. People seem very, very hesitant to point the finger at him.
A. How he carried her was part of it.
Q. And describe that.
A. Her head above his head, so he didn't see her head, her face.
Q. Can you demonstrate how he was holding her?
A. (indicating)
Q. So you kind of have your hands together out in front of you, and he kind of had her in a bear hug, is that it, for a lack of any better description? If you were going to go up and hug somebody, that's the way he had his arms around her?
A. No.
Q. How would you describe - I'm trying to describe for the record.
A. Arms - he had his arms around her upper legs. He carried her kind of up and away from his body.
Q. Just so I can get a proper positioning of her body vis-a-vis his, would her navel have been around his face area the way he was carrying her?
A. I'm more focused on her head.
Q. How far above his head was her head?
A. Above.
Q. How far above?
A. Above.
Q. Were her shoulders above his head?
A. I don't remember.
Q. And so I understood from your report he was carrying her in a fashion where she was facing him.
A. Correct.
Q. And to you, that was most unusual?
A. Yes.
Q. And tell me why.
A.It was unusual that she was - it was clear she was dead. It was unusual that, for me, for a father to carry his child that way.
Snipped from Arndt's police report:
"John Ramsey sat down next to JonBenet, placed an arm around her body, and made sounds as though he was crying. I did not notice any tears.", 1997 (She goes on to note that John stopped hugging his daughter after 5 to 10 seconds.)
ARNDT: “John actually killed his daughter, but Patsy was involved in presenting the murder as something other than a murder.”
[...]
Linda Arndt: The politics involved people in supervisory positions able to see black and white and not able to see anything that wasn't tangible. And if a person's opinion on the investigative team was in the minority, that opinion was dismissed.
T.H. Does that include your opinions?
L.A. It included mine, all of the Department of Social Services, including some other people.
[...]
T.H. And what opinions are you referring to that were material to the investigation?
L.A. Incest. Naming the Ramseys as suspects.
T.H. This is incest between John Ramsey and JonBenet?
L.A. Yes (Linda Arndt was an experienced sex crimes investigator.)
Quote from an Access Graphics Manager:
Jane - [...] because of my background in being a survivor of childhood sexual abuse I recognized there was some dysfunctional behavior going on that was familiar and disturbing. It started out that I worked for him and was disturbed be the family. I remember going into his office and he was one of the persons that was very hard to read. I remember leaving his office I would feel physically ill.
Mame: I remember you telling me that the other day and asked if he ever hit on you and you said absolutely not.
Jane - It was just a feeling about the energy of that person and I talked to other women about him and some who had backgrounds of abuse got the same reaction.
Mame - Did you say to yourself "this guys abusing his kids" or was it more just a sense of bad vibes
Jane - I wouldn't have known it at that time, but my instincts told me there was something not right there. and at the time JonBenet was two or three years old.
Mame - and you had limited exposure to her
Jane - yes limited exposure to her and to John but I can say I always felt uncomfortable and there is something it's just ....about him that gave me the creeps.
LINDA WILCOX: One thing I thought was really odd, when I first worked there. Their oldest daughter, Beth, had died before I started working there. I've had a lot of death in my family, lots of family members have died, most of them prematurely. So, in the back of my photo albums, I tend to have like a collage of whoever it was, like my father, for example. Well, he had this frame with the different holes for the different sized pictures, like a collage frame. He had this collage frame with pictures of Beth in them. From when she was a little kid, when she was a cheerleader, like that, which in and of itself is not odd at all especially with someone who has died. Except that he kept it in his bathroom. It wasn't even hung up at first. It stayed between, (some talking here that I can't understand - except she says, no let me go on, this is significant). He had one of those big sunken tubs and a separate shower and it sat between the tub and the wall. And then when the house flooded, which I'll tell you about later, it was right before the tour, like a week before the tour, the house flooded over Thanksgiving break which was a problem with a window and a faucet - it ran the whole time and flooded the house. Fortunately, it skipped that picture. But, at that time, it went on the wall, a few feet up and over behind the door but it stayed in his bathroom. It just, that always struck me as being kind of weird. Who keeps a picture of their dead kid in the bathroom?
Van Derbur consulted by police By Jim Kirksey Denver Post Staff Writer
Feb. 27 - Marilyn Van Derbur Atler, beauty queen, a victim of and a nationally recognized expert on incest, has offered her insights to the Boulder police in the investigation of the sexual abuse and slaying of JonBenet Ramsey.
Van Derbur Atler said Wednesday that she met with Boulder police twice, once three weeks ago and again last week.
"They asked the same questions you would ask, about my personal experience, since our families (the Van Derburs and the Ramseys) are similar." She didn't ask police anything specific about the Ramseys and they didn't volunteer anything, she said.
"I'm a resource," said Miss America 1958. "I'm in touch with more survivors than anyone else in the United States. I've spoken in 161 cities. I have people tell me stories they've never told anyone. We are learning a lot (about incest)."
Police spokesman Kelvin McNeill said Van Derbur Atler was able to help police in areas of the investigation. "She was asked to provide us with insight on the case because she was a noted expert on several areas of interest to us," McNeil said.
In research on survivors, Van Derbur Atler said she found that 68 percent of victims were violated by fathers or stepfathers. The former beauty queen told in 1991 of incest with her father, socialite Francis Van Derbur. The average age of the victim for the first incident is 6.
People have a stereotyped image about incest; that it's only a problem in socially unacceptable families, poor families or chaotic families, she said. But, sometimes, those who appear to be the nicest people commit incest, and there is some resistance to accepting that.
"We fight against seeing the dark side," Van Derbur Atler said. "My father was just so charming. This happens in the nicest homes." When people who talk to her about the Ramseys say, "It couldn't have happened in this family, in a family so beautiful," she is disheartened about the impact of her work in the last decade.
From Steve Thomas book:
What interested me as an investigator were the totally opposite reactions that John Ramsey showed to the deaths of his eldest and youngest daughters. When Beth died, in an accident , he was inconsolable, and relatives spoke of how he could be heard late at night almost howling in grief. Years later her presence was still large in his life. Pictures of her filled a desk drawer, her name was on his plane. But when JonBenét was murdered, we saw little open grief.
Lawrence Schiller's book:
He'd written a poem to her (Beth) called "Daddy's Little Girl" that he kept on his dresser where he put his watch and loose change every night. Right where he could see it every day. Twice a day, really.
I remember some of the poem. It was a "Your First Steps" kind of thing. He wrote, "And the best thing of the day is to look after daddy's little girl . . ." and "You are growing older with woman looks that are now clear."
Editing OP to add another detail:
Patsy: I recall it [John's flashlight] was in like one of those junk drawers there in the bar area.
Police: Okay. And I wanted to flip back to photo 380, right there.
Patsy: Right, yeah, one of those drawers.
Police: One of the drawers that's depicted in 380?
Patsy: Yeah.
Police: Do you remember which drawer?
Police: Well, I, I most recently remember it being, you know, right in this drawer.
Police: The drawer that is open?
Patsy: That's open there, yeah.
Police: And that's the wet bar that's by the spiral staircase, right?
Patsy: Right.
Police: Okay. Okay. And now looking at photo 380, you don't see a flashlight in there, right?
Patsy: Correct.
DR PHIL: I think your dad had said he used the flashlight that night to put you to bed, and then you snuck downstairs to play?
BURKE: Yeah, I had some toy that I wanted to put together. I remember being downstairs after everyone was kinda in bed, and wanting to get this thing out.

I was never one to engage in sex for fun. When I was single I would only date virgins. Not the virgins who are virgins because of insecurity but the women who are virgins because they view their body as sacred temples and value romance and want their first time to be with the man they'll spend forever with.
It was very hard the first couple years with my wife. But I didn't give in and waited for our honey moon. I still remember the look on her face when I broke her Hymen in an ice igloo hotel with the northern lights shining above us. A memory her and I will forever cherish.
For context my wife totally understands me and my love of the female body. We often check out women together admiring their beautiful bodies. I often get turned on and my wife takes care of me right away but I still want more.
From the first date with my wife I told her I'm not monogamous and that I see multiple wives in my future. Which she is totally ok with. However I've never really acted out on that because my wife is everything I need in a woman so the only point in having other wives is for a variety of women to have sex with.
My wife has suggested some of her friends as candidates since she has known them her whole life and I get along with them very well. But it feels selfish for me to take them as wives when it's not for love like it is for my wife. It's as if it would be a wrong towards them for causing them to miss out on potentially having the love my wife and I have with someone else. Especially with them being virgins makes it worse. But then again I feel like since they want me I might as well go through with it. I guess it's just me having a certain view on how things should be in this world and wanting people to follow that view but now that I'm realizing many people are too stupid to even consider advice I don't see any hope in society ever being at the cultural level I see as ideal. So therefore rather than preventing myself from doing certain things to avoid people doing things that I wouldn't see as ideal. I'm thinking I should just accept people will do whatever they want so since these girls already are here wanting me despite knowing I can't love them like I love my wife then I might as well just accept it as a blessing.
We already go in groups often together and they are good company. They're already considered family. I guess really with them being additional id just have a higher level of care for them and more authority over them. But even then I don't feel I really want them because unlike my wife they are all replaceable to me.
Ughhhh iDK what to do because there's just something so satisfying about sex with a variety of women. Each of them happily and willingly submitting to me. Them willingly giving all of themselves to me for my own pleasure. It just feels so good being chosen by women who are willing to do anything to make you happy. And that turns me on crazy more than even the looks of a woman. That feminine giving and submitting willingly and happily energy. Knowing they trust me and feel safe with me. IDK how to put it in words but that shit ignites some kind of fire in me and turns me on like crazy. Ughhhh I could already picture my foot on their heads as I pound them doggy and their hair wrapped around my wrist as I... Probably too much for reddit but you get the idea.
I feel like I'm just going to give in and accept these women instead of holding back because I don't want to potentially let themselves miss out of real love with someone. Else.

​
The Beginning: Minnesota, Appleton, Wisconsin, and London
I present my story in-depth to show the physical and emotional, and also academic strain this placed on me, but I also love discussing all of these issues and am interested in pursuing this academically to help others. I have now seen a total of 50+ doctors from different disciplines, 8 pelvic floor PTs, 5 orthopedic PTs, and 4 cognitive therapists.
For my whole life, I have been an athlete. I did ballet and pointe for 9 years, tennis, crossfit, and I loved to run long-distance. Never did I ever anticipate that I would experience chronic pain and disability that would prevent me from enjoying these activities.
My gynecological issues manifested first back when I was in my teens upon getting my first period. I had terrible dysmenorrhea (painful cramps) and also menorrhagia (heavy bleeding). I attempted to insert my first tampon in at the age of 13. It was painful so I shrugged it off as I failed my attempts to do so. Each year, I tried again and continued to fail. A few months later, I asked my PCP what could possibly be wrong, and she said "give it time."
When I was 16, I asked my family medicine doctor to assist me. I wanted to learn how to insert a tampon as I thought I was doing it incorrectly. My doctor had mentioned she had helped others before so I thought she would be instructive and compassionate. Instead, she spread me open forcefully, and I yelped as she shoved it in. The pain was tremendous. I was not expecting that.
At the age of 22, I was misdiagnosed with vaginismus even though I had some external pain at the opening and vestibule. I had to work hard to get past the comments made by providers that my anatomy was normal and there was nothing wrong. Even my first two gynecologists had marked on their notes I had external pain, but they did not tell me this could have been more consistent with vulvodynia/vestibulodynia symptoms. My doctors thought that my vaginismus was psychological, and didn’t want to push me too hard with dilating. The recommended course of treatment for me was to find a good pelvic floor therapist. I was abroad at that time so I didn't think it was necessary quite yet. However, my physical symptoms never went away.
In 2018, one of my gynecologists recommended a hymenectomy to help give me that extra push, so she referred me to a surgeon. The surgeon attempted to perform a regular pelvic exam with a speculum before my surgery, which was not successful. While she had warned me that I needed pelvic floor physical therapy, and that the vaginismus would not disappear on its own, it never occurred to them that I didn't only have vaginismus. She proceeded to use a q-tip and exclaimed, "I can't even get inside! You definitely have vaginismus." Looking back on this experience, she was not getting the full picture because the q-tip was touching the vestibule. However, I decided to pursue the surgery and they performed a pelvic exam while I was under anesthesia and she clipped a small part of the hymen. She got two fingers inside and reported that my anatomy was normal.
Maryland/ Washington D.C.
I went to my first pelvic floor therapist in early 2019. This business was supposed to be the best in the city. I could not get past the 1.5-inch mark with the dilator which I found later was just barely in the introitus which I thought at the time was a key sign of vaginismus. We did a mix of myofascial release, stretches (happy baby, piriformis stretches, child’s pose, etc..), and manual therapy. However, we still failed to identify that the pain was primarily external in the vestibule and labia minora. During this time, I went to cognitive therapy with several different people where we worked on breathing techniques and relaxation for solely vaginismus, but I still had 10/10 pain in my vulva despite working on progressive desensitization and relaxation. I made use of an abundance of meditations and breathing exercises and it hardly made a difference with the pain.
I continued pelvic floor PT with two separate people, but it still did not provide any results. Even my dysmenorrhea worsened. We did lots of alignments, stretches, manual therapy, and trigger point exercises to relax and release the pelvic floor. I had indicated I had pubic bone pain and they said it was very tight, but they didn't know how to solve that. Every time I came back to my sessions, the physical therapists were thrown off by how my body had come out of alignment. Their reasoning was that my body was taking time to adjust to the changes. When I did not make any progress after eight sessions, despite doing all of their recommendations, they told me we had to work internally in order for me to improve. They thought my pain was psychological. I finally told them that I thought I had pain externally which due to my low health literacy at this time was prolonged. They recommended I get a hormone test, but they did not explain why, so I neglected to get the test as it was so expensive.
I went to a pelvis clinic in New York to have 100 units of botulinum toxin injected vaginally to relax my pelvic floor muscles in March of 2020. I had heard they had great success rates, and they told me I was a perfect candidate for this procedure as my “symptoms sounded like vaginismus." The clinical study had great success, and I had previously spoken to several patients who had done this procedure. I told them I had vulvodynia as well which was not completely taken into consideration. I was very nervous about this procedure and was worried it would not work. However, I had been told that we needed to do more internal work at physical therapy so I felt this was a much-needed procedure. I thought I needed the extra push, but I couldn't have been far from wrong
During the procedure, the largest dilator of the Pure Romance set is inserted under anesthesia after the botox is injected. I believe my hips were pulled in the dorsal lithotomy position as the nurse practitioner said I "resisted" while I was sedated. I kept the fourth largest dilator in for 22 hours and came back for my next session of dilating. It was difficult and they basically had to force the dilator in. Immediately after the procedure, I had extreme urinary urgency, pain in my lower abdomen, back, groin, hips and had chills and a fever for several days. My vulvodynia and PN symptoms also increased after my procedure for at least 11 months.
I visited doctor after doctor and even ran to Urgent Care. I did many urinalyses (urine tests) as I was worried that I had an infection because I had a mild fever and pelvic pain. All of my tests came back negative. I ended up visiting a urologist who told me that I needed to do a pelvic exam in order to be fully evaluated. I told her I couldn’t do it and tried to come up with alternative ways for both of us to find a solution to make it work including not using the stirrups or having me insert the speculum (I got these ideas online). She dismissed every single idea and shamed me in the process. She said I wouldn’t be able to get away with not doing a pelvic exam as every doctor would have to perform one. Additionally, she prescribed me medications for bacterial vaginosis even though there was no indication that I had it. I took the medications anyways which had no effect.
I finally met a very compassionate sex medicine and urologist. I still work with her from time and time, and she is the standard for where medicine is headed. We had a long, comprehensive virtual visit, and she believed at the time I had hormonally-mediated vestibulodynia. I had been on birth control in my early teens for four years for heavy periods and had low estradiol and testosterone. I had wanted to think that I had the hormonal sub-type so we decided to approach that one first as it is more conservative. For the rest of that year, I spent quite a bit of time treating my hormonally-mediated vestibulodynia diagnosis for a few months while applying hormone creams, but nothing improved. A few months later around September 2020, I got two MRIs, a "sacrum MRI with visualized pelvis", and a lumbar spine MRI was normal and had no abnormalities. I had very bad lower back pain as I lay in the MRI machine for one hour. The sacrum MRI read that I had bone marrow edema with sclerosis and that it was consistent with sacroiliitis (SI joint inflammation).
While I wouldn’t have expected to improve in a month as these issues take time, I was getting progressively worse every time I went to pelvic floor PT. It only temporarily took away my pain for a few hours. I was still able to walk around and do light cardio, but nothing too strenuous. I had chronic abdomen pain, pubic bone pain, lower back pain, hip pain, groin pain, and upper abdomen pain. I told my PT that the pain was all over and she said that it was my brain remembering the pain.
I Moved to Houston: More Pelvis Interventions
Around October 2020, we moved to Houston as my fiance was promoted to senior scientist at age 33. I went to pelvic floor PT to attempt to treat the sacroiliitis and my pelvic pain with my fourth and fifth physical therapists. We did a mix of treatments consisting of manual therapy, relaxation, progressive desensitization, lengthening, warm and cold therapy. They handed me a packet full of SI joint treatments and pelvic pain stretches. It was standardized and not tailored to individual patients. However, during the treatments, I became aware that I had pretty severe groin pain, buttock pain, pubic bone pain, and hip pain/weakness/clicking constantly. I became worse and worse with each PT session, so I stopped attending. They said I should do less and less at home despite my frustration and complaints that I didn't feel this was right at my age. They said, "why would you walk 1/2 mile if it hurts? Why don't you try 1/4 of a mile." They were missing the point. By the time I stopped attending this practice, I could barely even walk half a mile. This just did not feel right for a 26 year old.
I visited with several sports medicine doctors whom my physical therapists referred me to. I started bringing my fiance into these appointments as I thought he could advocate on my behalf. He often catches things I missed and he as a scientist understands medical terminology. I also believe I get a better outcome with two against one. The doctors thought that my strength looked normal, including the strength in my hips. I was told I could possibly have complex regional pain syndrome, or that the pain was in my head after receiving the SI joint diagnosis as nothing was seemingly wrong with the joint. I had severe sensitivity in my shin to the point I could feel the water running down my shins in the shower. The recommended treatment for me at this time was to continue with pelvic floor physical therapy as they thought I had a pelvic injury and were not sure what to do. They said my hips were "normal."
Around Christmas in 2020
, I wanted to try THC for pain management. I was in a tremendous amount of pain daily and it HELPED for two days. However, on my third day of trying the THC, as we went to bed, my heart rate spiked to 170 suddenly. It would not go down and I felt like I couldn't breathe. My lips got dry suddenly and my head felt like it was going to explode. We ended up calling 911, the ambulance came and did an EKG in my bedroom, and then they took me to the hospital for sinus tachycardia (elevated heart rate over 150+), auditory and visual effects, and hallucinations. Due to Covid-19 rules, my fiance could not be with me. The staff treated me cruelly as if I were a drug addict though it was my first week of attempting cannabis for pain. It was unfortunate as they were not familiar with my any of my conditions, and they had no bedside manner compared to what I was used to. I asked them to check for hernias as I had pain in my groin and the doctor barely performed a physical evaluation believed I had no hernias.
The cannabis remained in the system for two weeks as it was clear I had accidentally overdosed. It took weeks for my heart rate to calm down as it kept spiking to over 140. I experienced nausea, vomiting, and other issues as the drug left my system. We ended up running to another emergency room where they deemed it as a "panic attack." When I talked to my psychologist about this experience, she said that panic attacks only occur for 30 minutes at a time so it was unlikely it was a panic attack as the body cannot maintain that state for long periods of time. My elevated heart rate remained for more than 12 hours at a time for several weeks until January 1st, 2021.
I went to another pelvic floor physical therapist at this time in Jan 2021 as instructed by my providers after the emergency room fiasco as my previous pain symptoms were decreasing (from doing nothing). The appointment was disappointing as the focus was more on the mental aspects. I was more anxious than normal, because I had just gotten out of the hospital from the emergency room. She gave me a lot of the same exercises I had previously and did a full physical evaluation again. She said that there was nothing seemingly wrong with me and that it was unlikely I had a strain. She told me my hips were fine. She also thought that my brain could have been remembering pain so I had to retrain my brain and nervous system/or that I had an overactive nervous system (true in a lot of cases). At this point, I could barely even do child's pose or easy stretches so I do not think their assessment of me was entirely accurate. If the overactive nervous system is used in place of a diagnosis, this can result in delayed diagnoses.
The Turning Point
I went to a new pelvic floor PT again towards the end of January. I requested an advocate and she ignored it. I was also given the self-correcting alignment (I had received three unique alignments with three different pelvic floor PTs over the last year) which did not help and actually worsened my conditions again. She continuously told me she was very good, yet I felt my hips pop out several times in their sockets or it felt like they were being ripped apart. Her assistant asked me to take off my pants despite the fact I had not given consent on their form. I was not able to do an internal exam and I knew it would be impossible so I declined. Later on, the PT made me take my pants off because she only knew one method of showing me how to do pelvic flicks, which were basically reverse Kegels. I was intimidated by her, yet I complied due to stress. During this same session, my leg lengths were found to be uneven (which is a major symptom of hip dysplasia) due to the fact that I “was out of alignment." I had mentioned several times that the SI joint issue was not the main problem due to my doctor’s saying so, but this PT didn’t know what to do and still followed the MRI report that said “sacroiliitis/ SI joint inflammation.”
After this specific visit, I had sharp pain, pins and needles all over my groin going down to my leg. I was simply crawling on the floor. I kept getting worse and worse. I went back one more time to give her another try as she said she was confident she could help me and make me better, but I got even worse. I asked her if this was symptomatic of a nerve issue and if she treated pudendal neuralgia and she ignored me and said it was on her website. My body spasmed so bad during the dry needling session as well and she tried massaging my calves which further excerbated my shins. As I now I have Ehlers-Danlos syndrome, massaging is a big NO for weak ankles and calves. I couldn’t move my leg at all or stretch it out to lay down, climbing stairs wasn’t possible, and my fiancee needed to wheel me around the house with our laptop chair for several weeks. The biggest thing I regret about this whole experience was that I did not walk out of the appointment. It took me six weeks to recover from this pelvic floor PT experience and she even called me at 8:00 PM on a Saturday without my consent.
I was devastated. I didn't understand how it could be psychological at this point as I was getting progressively worse. At 27, I was unable to walk more than one block outside. The main problem was that I was stuck in a vicious cycle. Many of my doctors lacked the skill set for talking about the muscles, and told me that I needed to go to PT, but couldn’t tell me what to do at PT. Then the pelvic floor physical therapists wouldn’t know what to do with my pain symptoms and try to fix everything without understanding.
A week later, I went to the referred physiatrist, that all my pelvic floor PTs wanted me to go to, at a pelvic clinic. She told me to get a hip MRI and an abdominal MRI. Having heard good things about this clinic, I decided it would be worth my time. This physiatrist was confounded by my issues and did not seem too confident at all. She also rolled her eyes at all of my previous treatments and did not know what clitoral adhesions were, or benzocaine lidocaine tetrocaine (BLT) cream was. She mentioned I could have labral tears, but she didn’t think it was the case. They also wanted to set me up with a pudendal nerve hydrodissection method without a real diagnosis, which I declined. I read the studies and realized it was extremely costly with no proven successful outcome. After getting the MRI, even those images (abdominal, left hip) came out as negative. When I left the appointment, I could barely walk still from my previous PT sessions and this person's rough maneuvers of FADDIR and Thomas test. The pain was sharp in the anterior of my hips.
This is where I decided to take action on my own as I could not believe nothing was wrong. I had been in shape for my whole life and none of this seemed normal. I reached out to several Facebook groups where I posted my x-rays and MRIs, and they said it looked like I had hip issues. I also performed the measurements myself and compared my images to other hip abnormalities. I decided on my own to get another opinion from a hip doctor. I am so glad I did.
Finally an answer! The Hips
In Feb of 2021, I expected to walk out of the hip doctor visit with no results. I went to one doctor and he forwarded me to his colleague. I also sought another opinion with another surgeon in Dallas, another skilled hip dysplasia specialist. All three were very compassionate and genuine, and it was a relief to have some straightforward answers. I was in so much pain that I was limping into the appointments.
After more image testing and another physical evaluation, they diagnosed me with bilateral hip dysplasia (shallow hip sockets with a lateral central edge angle of less than 25. Mine were 9 degrees and 14 degrees), cam impingement, chondral labral separation (almost labral tears) and SI joint degeneration not sacroiliitis, and to correlate clinically. All of this was discovered through many methods of physical evaluations (I'd never had before) and imaging; one pelvis MRI, 2 hip CTs scan, and X-rays. My hip doctor stated that "hip conditions need primarily 99% strengthening, 1% stretching" (glute exercises, abs). All three doctors agreed that I should have bilateral periacetabular osteotomy (PAO) and arthroscopy surgeries six months apart to reconstruct my hips and remove the discrepancies. I also was told to start hip physical therapy to prepare for the surgery, which I did.
Within two sessions of solely strengthening at orthopedic physical therapy in April of 2021, my vulvar symptoms had been reduced by 20%, I was up walking again and able to do the elliptical**, and a lot of my other pain symptoms decreased slightly.** This is a contradiction to the otherwise hypothesis that "it would take me years and years to have any pain relief," which I was told prior to going to orthopedic PT.
I had my first PAO with arthroscopy on June 10 with my hip surgeon and my second one, on December 2, 2021. Each surgery consisted of first, the arthroscopy, to remove the cam impingement and clean up the labrum, and then the PAO, which was an open surgery to reconstruct the pelvis (ilium, ischium, and pubic ramus). My hip surgeon gave me 23 more degrees of coverage with my acetabulums during each PAO. The surgeries were seven to eight hours apiece. The first surgery was very tough, but the moment I woke up, my left hip felt fixed despite having been cut into three pieces. I used the pain-controlled analgesia pump with hydromorphone and was very nauseated, but used scopolomine patches and zofran to combat it. Being forced to walk the next day after having surgery was the hardest. I could barely sit up during the process. The staff inserted a foley catheter during each surgery, which I kept inside two days post-surgery. My bladder appeared to be asleep after the removal of the catheter, and the nurses wanted to straight cath me so badly, which I fought against it. I told them I had vulvodynia and they did not seem to believe me. However, the internal medicine doctor gave me bethanechol and flow max to help jump start my bladder. It helped and the re-cathing was unnecessary. Just having the catheter removed was very painful each time even for a few seconds, which indicates I probably do have congenital neuroproliferative vestibulodynia.
I had to use a walker for six weeks straight almost post-surgery. It took almost 20 weeks for both sides to walk comfortably at the grocery store. The anti-gravity treadmill has been the most helpful in helping me gain mobility. Each recovery takes six months, but the second one was much easier as I was no longer dealing with one bad hip and one operated hip. I worked primarily with one PT who has been truly a joy in my recovery for both hips. She has a strong memory despite her high volume of patients and is great at adapting to my body as it flares a lot. Whenever I have pain, she adapts and switches to different exercises.
It became clear to me that I had gone to pelvic floor PT for three years (several of my doctor’s orders even without finding out the root cause of my problem) where I was only provided with stretches, lengthening exercises, laser therapy, heat, dry needling, massage, and manual therapy. The hip instability and weakness were causing the over activeness of my pelvis. Relaxing the pelvis was even more detrimental to my body as my pelvis was unable to relax due to the hip abnormalities as there are so many interconnecting muscles and nerves. The obturator internus muscle can play a huge role in hip and pelvis connection and bears a lot of strain when the hip is unstable and/or weak. I learned that the orthopedic issues need to be treated first before you can actually treat the pelvis, and sometimes the orthopedic issues don’t manifest until you’ve been treated by several people.
During all of the hip and pelvis issues, I also broke out in hives, which did not go away on their own. They spread all over my body randomly after the Houston freeze. I had to see several more doctors including dermatologists, rheumatologists, and allergists. I pursued Mast Cell Activation Syndrome and ankylosing spondylitis (sacroiliitis is a key marker of this autoimmune disease), but I was only diagnosed me with chronic idiopathic uticaria, which also has an association with acquired neuroproliferative vestibulodynia. The rheumatologist was confused as to why I had sacroiliac joint degeneration at age 27. In November 2021, my hip surgeon stated that the edema surrounding my SI joints was not present, which tells me that the unstable hips were causing the inflammation. In the last five months since my second PAO and arthroscopy, my lower back and buttock pain has disappeared. Additionally, my pelvis feels a lot more open.
Endometriosis
On May 2, five months after my second PAO and arthroscopy, I had a diagnostic laparoscopy and excision with an endometriosis specialist. He utilized the DaVinci robotic machine which is known to speed up recovery and for its precision with cuts. Prior to this, I had sought opinions for multiple endometriosis specialists who stated I have classical endometriosis symptoms. The surgery was 2.5 hours long and I woke up in a lot of pain. The staff scrambled to change my pain regimen. My bladder also fell asleep again and they had to re-cathe me despite having taken flowmax and bethenachol. Sadly, the staff lacked training in how to deal with a vestibulodynia patient and did not believe me as the etiology goes over their heads. They failed to insert the bladder catheter multiple times and I was screaming in the recovery area due to the pain. An anesthesiologist walked by and heard my screams, so he sedated me.
I stayed the night in the hospital. The gas pain was pretty significant, my abdomen was distended, and I was very nauseated. He told my fiance later that I had stage four endometriosis, primarily in the peritoneum, and it was likely that was the reason why I was in so much pain. I got my notes later which noted that I had endometriosis in a lot of places: Rectum, colon, abdomen, fallopian tubes, and covered my ovaries 60% and 30%. I had lots of adhesions, fibrosis, burn powder lesions, raised red blebs, early formation of chocolate cysts/endometriomas, partial obliteration of rectovaginal septum, and scarring. I also had a bilateral ureterolysis as my ureters were distorted from fibrosis of the retroperitoneal. Some lesions were deeply infiltrating my uterus. I had 16 biopsies, and all of them indicated inflammation. I also do not have interstitial cystitis as he performed a cystoscopy and zero Hunner's ulcers were present. I was so validated and shocked in the moment. I was expecting to walk out of the hospital with minimal endometriosis if anything or none at all. He told me that he removed all of the endometriosis, but I am worried about it recurring since I am still menstruating.
The first month of recovery was pretty miserable. The pain was not managed well and it was extremely high, much more than the PAO surgeries. I was on hydrocodone for a solid 27 days, and I ended up back on the walker for a few weeks. I could barely walk. I had sharp pain in my hips, especially the right one. Do not do an endometriosis surgery five months after PAO. While my hip surgeon had cleared me for this, I do not think my body was ready, and my hips being placed in the lithotomy position probably was also problematic. By week 9, I started to be able to move around much more, and then at 3 months I went to Montreal, and walked 5-6 miles per day.
At 3 weeks post-op, I was placed on norethindrone, a progestin only pill, which is supposed to suppress the endometriosis as much as possible. I asked for the continuous birth control, which is supposed to prohibit bleeding from occurring. I went off the norethindrone and then was placed on the Slynd. However, I went off that immediately as I had a lot of pain with that. None of the hormone therapies worked.
Now that I am eleven months out, I am not better. I am in a lot of pain 25/30 days of the month. My symptoms have not improved, they have been excerbated. I have tried cupping, some light myofascial release, lots of breathing and meditation at night. I have weird symptoms that I never experienced previously such as bladder pain, nerve sensations, bloating, pulling and tugging feelings (post-surgical adhesions and scar-tissue), and I can't seem to lay on my side or my stomach anymore. I went to on low-dose naltrexone recently, which did the bare minimum.
Hardware / Screw Removal
I had my hardware/ screws removed on August 11, 2022. I was able to void post-op and I was up walking after 1.5 weeks. The bilateral aspect was pretty tough. I returned to hip PT with some other physical therapists, and since the screws have been removed, my hips felt a lot better! It was truly a night and day different.
Ankles
I went to a foot and ankle specialist in April of 2022 recently as my shins and ankles have been still bothering me/preventing me from improving. I have bunions and had a previous accessory navicular surgery. He did not see anything in the x-rays and recommended tib/fib and ankle MRIs. Unfortunately, the MRIs got declined, which due to having endometriosis surgery I had to postpone the PT. Then my original PT left and my prescription got lost in the shuffle. We decided to combine hip and foot PT together, but then the front desk lost the prescription as they had a staff change. I started working with two different PTs and somehow they seemingly forgot about the foot and ankle issues, or didn't read it in my notes. I had been running on the altra G with no improvement for 10 months post first PAO and second PAO prior to all of this. I wanted to give it a try so I didn't say much about it at first, and pushed through the pain. I hoped that it would resolve, yet it did not. My hip surgeon was also convinced that it might just resolve on its own as I had structural issues with my hip instability.
On October 18, I started foot physical therapy with a different foot PT, and have already seen improvements after one session due to the addition of toe spacers and more strengthening based exercises. He truly excellent with feet. Prior to this, some of the others had me stretching out my calves. To be fair, I didn't know I had EDS at the time, but it shouldn't be on the patient to figure everything out on their own and one of them already suspected it.
Vestibulodynia
My endometriosis surgeon performed a vestibule biopsy which he arranged with my urologist to disconfirm/confirm congenital neuroproliferative vestibulodynia. Due to my inability to spread during exams, this was an usual ask. Three months later, I finally received word that I in fact have an overgrowth of mast cells - 8xs the normal amount, consistent with the neuroproliferative.
I met with my vulvar specialists to discuss findings and try to plan for a vestibulectomy. I am not happy about having to do this at all. I am conducting a review on the barriers that patients face when seeking treatment for vulvodynia and vestibulodynia, and I've read way too much about vestibulectomy. It appears that partials fail more as opposed to full vestibulectomies. I'm not 100% convinced that removing the 12'oclock region is safe either though.
In August, I made the effort to call around to find a pelvic floor PT as I was not improving with my endometriosis on my own. I refuse to go to someone without talking to them first after my previous experiences (one was borderline re portable as my consent was never given) as it would be a waste of both of our times to see that we would not be a good match. Many of the hospital systems do not let me talk to the PT beforehand and they placed me with someone who just recently graduated. I do not expect people to have all the answers, but I expect that they can work with me and help me find things that work for me through creative problem solving, providing many exercise modifications, and recognizing their own strengths and limitations at the same ime.
On my own, I asked around and I recently found a compassionate pelvic floor PT who did one rep at a time with me making sure the exercises felt good, which was a relief for once. We didn't do any stretching and we did things very slow and guided. While I did not make much progress in three sessions, my body did not collapse and I was not crawling around in worse pain. She also always had my consent and she did not deem things as mental**. I also liked that she strives to make her patients independent and give them the tools to succeed at home on their own. She also let me bring my fiance in twice to teach him some techniques. This is the type of care I should have received at the start of all of this.** However, this is where PFPT falls short. She continued to discuss the overactive nervous system, despite not having all of my diagnoses there.
Ehlers Danlos Syndrome
A few months later around August 2022, I completed a genetic test that revealed I had several variants for Brittle Cornea Syndrome, which is a subset of Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome. Having read the symptoms, I have bilateral hip dysplasia, bilateral bunions, arachnodactyl, astigmatism, myopia, and hypermobility. I saw an opthamalogist who confirmed I had high myopia and astigmatism. I had also hoped to investigate if I had blue sclera or keratcoconus. In October, I saw a shoulder specialist who confirmed I had bilateral shoulder instibility and posterior shoulder impingement. I've had pain in both shoulders from tennis and lifting. In my past, I've also experienced dental issues, epistaxis, and hand pain. It would make sense that I have some type of connective-tissue disorder.
Present (GI Doctor, Shoulders, Feet, ER, and More )
In January of 2022, I ended up in the ER again with severe rib pain, abdomen pain, back pain, shoulder pain, and hip pain. Everything felt like it was ripping apart. It happened after I did something in PT, and I needed to take hydrocodone every single day for a month. I believe it's in line with slipping rib syndrome, which I recently learned about. My shoulder doctor later told me I had been doing the wrong treatments in shoulder PT, which upset me because he had only assessed the anterior portion of the shoulder previously. Why not assess the shoulder? He also diagnosed me back in October with bilateral instability and posterior shoulder impingement.
I ended up seeing two spine doctors. They told me I was having a musculosketal issue and to return to PT.
I ended up back at my favorite hip doctor, who sent me for more diagnostics (neurogram, bone density scan). I went to my vulvar doctor who scheduled me for surgery, and I consulted a gastrointestinal doctor who is scheduling me for an endoscopy and colonscopy in March. I went back to my foot doctor, and we finally got the MRIS scheduled. He told me I had arthritis at the achilles heel too based on the images. The MRIs came out negative so far, so I know they will be referring me to neurology.
I consulted FOUR more endometriosis specialists and one more ISSWSH doctor, and we all agreed that I may have more endometriosis, even diaphragmatic endometriosis, adenomyosis, and maybe even pelvic congestion syndrome due to the venuous presence in the alcock's canal. The pain has progressively gotten worse and worse.
Colonoscopy and Upper Endoscopy
On March 23, 2023, I had a colonoscopy and upper endoscopy where one small polyp, one ulcer, and rectal hemorrhoids were discovered. The doctor was very thorough. He took a lot of pictures, and gave my husband the full run down of what happened. He said that I didn't have a hiatal hernia. The worst part was the bowel prep and the mouth guard they put me in my mouth prior to being put under. The staff were very kind.
I had my large surgery laparascopic excision for stage III endometriosis, total hysterectomy with salpingectomy, cystoscopy and appendectomy on June 14, 2023 where they found adenomyosis and even removed the appendix.
Takeaways
I have learned a lot from my experiences and I hope you can gain insight from my story as well. What you can takeaway is:

• You are your own advocate and only you know your body best. Don't stop asking questions.
• Do your research: Come into appointments prepared, bring an advocate, use social media, and do your reading, look at surgeon reviews online (take notice of themes, those that have too many positive reviews without any specification of outcome is a red flag). Good personality and bedside manner is only a nice to have.
• Plan ahead before surgery
• Ask for second, third, or even fourth opinions even for imaging tests. The doctors that rely on the report may have overlooked something.

TW: Death, ED, S**ual Abuse, Religion, Minor Swearing
Long Rant:
Like the title says, my (24NB) grandfather (68M) passed away suddenly on Sunday and we had the funeral today. During both the viewing (yesterday) and the funeral everyone was saying nice and meaningful things like "He was like a father to me!" And "He was a good man. He loved you." Everyone was talking about the funny stuff he did like tell stories and play pranks. There was a slideshow with a ton of pictures of him holding babies or wearing hunting geafishing. At the funeral the pastor kept referring to him as a good man who is definitely in Heaven and we should be glad he's not suffering anymore. (He was an extreme diabetic who lost half of one foot and one entire leg bc of it.) My oldest cousin is completely devastated that he's gone bc that was the closest thing he had to a dad since his was in prison for most of his life. He told me that he wants to be at least a third as good a man as my grandpa. He kept mentioning how heartbroken he was that my grandpa will never be able to meet his future kids or see him get married.
My main dilemma? This man made my childhood/life a living HELL. When I was a child my grandpa would sexualize me, my sister, and my female cousins and was racist/homophobic. He disliked my grandma and would scream at her for the tinest thing. It got worse the older they got when she couldn't fight back anymore. He hated marriage and would tell everyone that. He smacked my sister on the butt, told her multiple times about his sexual problems, made lewd comments like "Hey did you know that girls will ask doctors to pop their hymen so they can have sex sooner? Wink wink" and would try and show her videos on YouTube of sexy girls "dancing" that were between 16 and 18. Once he left his adult toys out in the open for one granddaughter to find (she was housekeeping for a bit.) She told my grandma but she wanted her to finish cleaning and ignore it but she said "no, thats too weird" and left. When she came back he told her that he didn't find my grandma sexually appealing. He also called me a whore once for wearing red lipstick at a Christmas/New Years party. I was like 15 or 16 and almost never wore makeup.
He's the main reason I developed an eating disorder. He told my mom when I was ~10 that she should force me to get weight loss surgery. Every time I would visit he would insult me and say things like "If you lose weight men will finally like you." "Jobs won't hire you if you're fat." Then he would turn around and offer you food and get angry if you said no. He would drag me away from playing with my cousins and would force me to exercise in his garage while he would tell me the same story about how his 600+ lb brother died young and that I was next. (Note:I've always been big but never that much and I don't eat much to begin with, just have a slow metabolism.) He would make fun of me when I ate at family events. One event I remember went like this: Thanksgiving points to a singular piece of pie on my plate "You know, those things have calories, right?" The only time I think he's ever said something nice to me was when I noticeably lost weight. He would compliment my aunt who got surgery and kept bringing it up when I visited.
He's the reason why nobody wanted to visit my grandma for the past 4-6+ years. He's the reason why their house was a mess bc he was so mean they couldn't keep a housekeeper when they both became housebound. (My grandma is a wheelchair user due to stroke damage and also has diabetes.) He was a hoarder and would scream if you threw stuff away or when stuff broke. I used to be so scared when I was alone with him because I hate yelling and was always afraid that he'd hurt me. As a teen I would cry when I went to bed at night after visiting almost every Sunday after church. I have entomophobia and during the summer he would purposefully find my worst trigger bug (beetles) and would put them in my hair or shove them in my face.
I don't know what to do. I don't know how to feel. Should I be sad? Devastated? Most people assume I must have seen him as a dad figure since my real one passed when I was a kid.
Again, I don't know. All I know is that I feel sorry for the people he left behind that cared about him. I cried bc they were. Others stood next to his casket and said their goodbyes. I just stood there and gave a quick glance before walking away. Strangers kept hugging me and saying their apologies and told me to call if I needed help bc he "meant so much to me." One of my aunts even mentioned that every grandkid is getting some of his ashes so we get to keep some of him with us.
My family doesn't know most of what he did besides the stuff that happened to my sister, which was swept under the rug as a quirk he had and excused "He didn't mean it like that." 😒
For my oldest cousin he was his fishing buddy/dad figure who told funny stories. For my mom's BFF he was a good replacement dad who gave her away at her wedding. For my paternal aunt, he was like a brother. (She lost most of her siblings in childhood.) For me? He was my tormentor, my bully. I was never good enough for him. For my sister? A predator.
I do have some good memories of him but it's like they're all tainted; like a black sludge that only I can see. They put him on a pedestal, but I can see the gargoyle they placed on top.
Not really sure if there's any advice to give in this situation but please be gentle. Thank you for reading all this and hearing me out.

This is the "soulmate " ritual many have asked me for. By my own definitions you have many soulmates including family and friends, but you only ever have one twinflame, the other half of your soul. This is to attract that one person to you, not friends or family.
This is a ritual to attract your twinflame. If you want you can call in guides or spirits you work with if you do that kind of thing but it isn't necessary to do the ritual. Each time you approach the soulmate ritual you should first take a ritual bath. A ritual bath should be done before any practice just as a banishing. You must be pure of BODY and SOUL! If you cant take a whole bath it's ok, at least go wash your entire body including the bottom of your feet with a hot rag and soap. Imagine the hot cloth washing away all things that are not you. Anger, resentment, loneliness, pain, sorrow...wash away the negative thoughts, emotions, and situations you have carried with you. Wash away all the fears and insecurities leaving only the flaming power of your own essence. Release these negative energies and imagine them dissipating in the water as you wash them away. Then pick a robe or garment you will wear only for rituals. Put your robe on and remember the energy you are representing right now. The god form you have become. Now go to your ritual space/altar or just a quiet place. (In the bath if you take a whole bath you can use salts, some dried flowers or herbs relating to the spirit you are calling in, or related to love since you are calling a twinflame.) Some deities that can help with love and relationships are: Aphrodite Eros Hera Venus Freyja Inanna Peitho Cupid Hathor Eos Frigg Kamadeva Antheros Rating Hymen Vesta Hedone Xochiquetzal Pothos Hermaphroditus Philotes Qetesh Ragaraja Voluptas
PICK YOUR DEITY AHEAD OF TIME. AFTER YOUR RITUAL BATH OR CLEANSING, DO YOUR BANISHING RITUAL!! (STAR RUBY, LESSER BANISHING RITUAL OF THE PENTAGRAM, WHATEVER YOU KNOW AND CAN PERFORM EFFECTIVELY!!) NEVER SKIP A BANISHING!
You can call in the spirit or deity you chose or do the ritual on your own. If you are using a diety or spirit then build an altar with a figure of the god if possible, but if not you can write their name to place at the center of the altar. Do your research to know what attributes the deity has. What offerings the deity likes, what items relate to that deity to place around your altar. You can find fresh or dried herbs and flowers related to the deity, incense to burn as an offering, wines, water, or juice to offer, fruits. You can use sigils and symbols related to the deity. Meditate in front of the altar at least 15 mins a day. Think about the essence of the energy of the deity. What unified principle does it represent and what pluralities does it use to express this essence? How are these different objects around you connected? What part of your essence holds this deity? What emotions, thoughts and actions exist within you that express this essence? How would this energy go about achieving the results you desire?(a twinflame) Bring those energies within yourself to the surface to express. Feel the energy encompass your entire being and fill you with its presence. Become the God form you have invoked. Express the traits of the deity as your own. Proclaiming you have banished the shells unto their habitations and have successfully called forth and invoked the God form. "I am....(deity name) in the flesh!" Truly feel and soak in the energy. Once you feel a steady connection you can begin to use tarot cards, runes, I ching and other divinatory tools to ask questions and receive answers if you dont have the psychic sight and connection to speak directly yet. Ask the deity what you need to doing to be able to have direct connection and pull a card, rune or whatever you're using to get your answer. Pay attention to what you are most drawn too...that will be your right answer. Study and meditate on the card or rune you picked. What is the answer and how will you turn that into a practical action(s) that achieves your goal? Once you feel you have a solid understanding and connection to the essence of the energy you have invoked, then begin to plan your astral twinflame. You create your future here. Everything happens in the astral before it becomes physical. Every item you see around you had to once be a thought, a hope, a feeling, before it became physical. So you too will create like a God from Aztiluth to Assiah. (The four worlds and trees of creation or emanation in Qabbalah.) While you are in your god form, from that place begin to think about your future twinflame. Do NOT start with physical traits, they are always devoured by Saturn as his children. Think of the essence and energy of your twinflame. Remember we are in the higher realms and the physical does not reside here, though is created here. Look deep inside yourself and be completely honest about who you are and what you need to be fulfilled. What are the traits that are non-negotiable for you? Is it a requirement that your mate is faithful and monogamous, or are you looking for an open relationship? Only you know what is right for you and your path. Are you ok with someone who already had children? Who has already been married? Do you want a mate who is independent and motivated, outgoing, always on the move and the center of the party? Or do you prefer a mate that is introverted and stays home to cuddle and watch anime? Whatever, however you feel, feel it fully and be honest. Lying to yourself will only make you attract the wrong person. Begin to feel the energy of this blueprint you are creating. Do you want someone who is super intellectual or someone into current pop culture and social media? What would this person feel like. Don't picture the physical yet. Just feel the essence of the person you are imagining. Draw that essence to you, let it fill you, begin to feel what being with this person would be like. How would your life change. Also think of your circumstances. What is possible where you are. Be reasonable yet honest and firm on your convictions! What pathways does a twinflame have to come to you? How will you draw this person to you? Feel their energy and ask where would this energy go, who would it be around, where am I likely to find it? Keep a notebook with your non negotiable traits in a mate. As you think of them, write them down in front of your altar. Each day as you meditate on the energy you can add more non negotiable traits and even begin to write a separate list for traits you would really like to have in a mate, but are willing to compromise on for the right person. Here is where knowing yourself and being very honest is so important. If you deceive yourself you will be deceived by the energy you create. Now you can begin to also add some physical traits you want. Gender may be a non negotiable for some, if so put it on the non negotiable traits list. Some people do have a type. If you know yourself and you know you have a type, then include in the must have list. Put as little as possible here while not compromising your own integrity. Don't force an image your ego created, but out of your list allow a hollow shell image to form in your mind's eye. It may be hollow, or fuzzy at first. It's ok. Meditate on that image and form that arises. See, feel and experience all the traits you put into this energy. Do not name it besides your twinflame. Know that what you are forming and calling forth IS the complement of your soul, the balance of your essence. Call your guides in to surround you and this energy in love and protection if you are working with any. Imagine the form of your twinflame even if it's just an outline. See each one of your chakras connecting together by energetic cords of love starting at the root chakra (Muladhara) and connecting them to your own with love one by one all the way up to the crown chakra (Sahasrara). Know that Sahasrara is connecting you and your soulmate to all life in all times and places everywhere including here and now. At the end of each meditation and ritual do your banishing ritual again. It's very important to do this before and after each working. As you keep meditating with this energy and form it will become more and more clear in your mind, meaning physically things are bringing to shift to bring this energy to you. So try to connect to your inner voice everyday, pay attention to your inspirations, out of the blue urges to go somewhere or speak to someone. Try to keep the energy of your twinflame with you in the physical realm as you go through your day. Being aware of energy around you seeing what matches that energy and what does not. Be honest. Be mindful. Be patient. If you never go anywhere to meet anyone new you will have to go outside your comfort zone and go. If there is no one near you you may find your twinflame online. Its possible and there is nothing wrong with it as long as you are mindful and not too eager. Beware of the test that traps many souls. When you are getting very close to meeting your soulmate in the physical your spirit WILL test your integrity. Usually someone comes along in the physical world that possesses almost all your standards, but still lacks one or two non negotiables from your astral vision. This is a test to see if you have learned your lessons with what does not serve you, or if you are firm in your integrity and desires. Be firm. Don't settle for less than you deserve and desire to be happy. Walk away from the trap and stay connected firmly to the energy you have created. Keep meditating with the God form and your twinflame's energy. Keep asking the deity and guides to lead you to the form you have created for yourself to love and live fulfilled. Or if you're not working with any then set this intention in your own mind that your own work and awareness will lead you to them. Eventually if you take this seriously and put forth the effort you will be guided to an amazing wonderful physical person that seems to walk into the frame of view of your life and just slip into that form you created and animate it, encompass and express it fully! Just be as firm and as soft on your image as you need to without compromising your own truth to yourself. This person will come into your life eventually. Your astral form and connection may even become very strong from chakra cord meditations to where you can actually see the full image of the person in your Visions before you meet them in in real life , you may know a name. You may even interact with their actual astral form eventually if you build a strong enough connection to it. And it may make them feel like you are familiar when you do meet in person and they won't know why! Just build your altar with what you have and what you can. They are tools for YOU to focus on the essence of the energy. If you don't have access to something, it's ok, just focus on the item as though it is there. Just use your mind to imagine all of it. Your focus is all that is really needed if you do it intently. Keep doing the banishing, the meditation of the deity at the altar, take on the God form, then meditate on your twinflame intently and banish after each ritual. Be patient. And be diligent in your magical work to back it up. Build your meditations to 30 minutes, an hour, do it for months, a year even...the time it takes will depend on where you are in your self work( how much trauma you need to undo), how much you use the ritual, how well you focus or perform the ritual, and how well you listen to your intuition once you start the process. It takes diligence, strong focus and intentions but literally ANYTHING is possible we can think of! You can create and attract exactly what you want and deserve with no unnecessary compromise. Wish you the best. May you find, connect to, and create a beautiful life with your twinflame! Best wishes to all!

Here are some of my thoughts on the situation.
I don’t believe John molested JB. In fact, I’m certain he didn’t. Let me explain why.
Firstly, pedophilia is generally an almost-lifelong condition. The prevailing hypothesis is that one becomes a pedophile by being ‘stuck’ at a certain developmental age; for example, as an eight-year-old, you are attracted to other eight-year-olds, but as you age, your attraction doesn’t mature with the rest of you; you remained attracted to eight-year-olds. Thus, pedophilia is generally present from adolescence onwards and is an almost-lifelong condition. Moreover, pedophilia is not generally ‘chosen’; it tends to be a disorder of sexual preference that is often inalterable (a paraphilia). All this is to say that pedophilia is almost never a disorder that emerges spontaneously in one’s thirties or forties. It is present from puberty onwards and is generally inalterable.
John Ramsey was married before Patsy, as I’m sure most of you know. He had three children from his previous marriage: John Andrew, Melinda, and Elizabeth Pasch (who sadly passed away in a car accident at 22 years old). He had a cordial relationship with his ex-wife, Lucinda Pasch/Ramsey. They remained married for twelve years before divorcing for reasons that were undisclosed to the public. They were apparently still on good terms and friendly with one another at the time of and after JB’s murder. According to Melinda: “I'm John Ramsey's daughter. I grew up with him, he raised me and I saw him raise JonBenet and I don't understand why they don't believe me --- That he is the most caring father in the world. He has never, ever, ever abused us in any way. I just wish I could say something to convince them."
Children who have been sexually abused don’t just show physical symptoms; in fact, many don’t. Most often, sexual abuse is discovered through their inappropriate behaviour. Sexual abuse almost always causes children to develop inappropriately sexualized behaviour. This is understandable, as children generally learn through repeating what they see or experience. Children who are being sexually abused will almost always act out in ways that are inappropriate; a female child might act ‘seductively’ towards an older male teacher, for example, or might attempt to sit on his lap or touch him inappropriately. Children act out what they experience. Sexually abused children can experience hygiene issues as well, and can experience bedwetting and fecal issues, but these by themselves are not indicative. They often use language that is age-inappropriate or use adult slang terms to refer to sexual organs. Sexually abused children can mimic sex acts with other children, and may reference them to their peers. They may also reference the abuse in oblique ways that an adult may not understand, but that often sticks out as being ‘weird’ (e.g. a child might get upset beyond a normal reaction while repeating ‘Johnny touched my cookie’, which of course sounds completely innocuous to a teacheadult, but ‘cookie’ is the term the child was taught for their genitals). They often are emotionally dysfunctional and act out in school. In short, sexual abuse is almost always associated with inappropriately sexualized behaviour.
There are no accounts of Melinda, Elizabeth, John Andrew, JonBenet, or Burke ever engaging in any of these behaviours except bedwetting. One could technically argue that the pageants were ‘inappropriately sexualized behaviour’, but in that case, the behaviour was context-specific and adult-approved; JB almost certainly was not choosing all of her own outfits, or independently choosing to perform in the pageants. (For the record, I don’t at all approve of child beauty pageants, but I still think the cultural context should be taken into consideration; in some places in the US, they are apparently widely approved of and viewed as being wholesome fun). There have never been any accounts by teachers or other adults in her life that JB’s behaviour was inappropriate in a sexual sense; not one person has come forward and presented any behavioural sign of sexual abuse other than scatolia and enuresis (the latter of which is common in young children). Scatolia is often a sign of emotional dysregulation or stress, but this again can be reasonably explained by the fact that Patsy had serious cancer when Burke and JB were younger. That can absolutely cause stress on a child.
None of John’s children, as far as the available evidence shows, have ever exhibited signs of being sexually abused other than bedwetting (which is not uncommon). The vast majority of sexually abused children act out with sexualized/inappropriate behaviour. All of John’s children have steadfastly maintained that he was absolutely never abusive towards them. For the forty- something years before JB’s murder and the thirty-something years after, there have never been any allegations of inappropriate behaviour. John’s ex-wife has never charged him with any sort of inappropriate behaviour whatsoever, and they were evidently still on good terms after the divorce. He has had three steady and seemingly healthy marriages that have lasted long-term, which would be extremely unusual for a pedophile. As far as I can tell, and as far as the evidence shows, no one in John’s entire life had ever seen anything that remotely suggests he might have been sexually interested in children. Keep in mind that this was all before the Internet, when satiating paraphilias usually required actual physical material like magazines or pictures or writings. But there’s nothing. No colleagues, no fellow navy men, no employees, no relatives, no spouses, no children have ever spoken out about him doing anything even remotely inappropriate or suspect in a sexual sense. No inappropriate material or media has ever been found. Nobody has ever reported any interaction that would even suggest that he could potentially have a sexual interest in children. There is nothing whatsoever except the hymenal injuries on JB and her bedwetting to suggest she was being sexually abused by John. It’s simply not enough. Either this guy has managed to absolutely flawlessly hide a paraphilia severe enough to lead him to kill his daughter for well over sixty years… or he never had that paraphilia in the first place.

I want to sob. I’m 19, I graduate with my BA in a year, I have a 3.72 GPA out of 4.0, I go to university, I have done so so much- and my parents have never been proud of me. I’m not fat, but my parents say I am and I’ve grown to hate myself from the age of 11. I was touched by my cousins from the age of 6-12, and even though I had to get polygraph reports to prove I was innocent (that came back true), I was shunned. My parents have made me hate the idea of sex bc I would “never be pretty enough to get it” and with being touched by my cousins, I could never see myself doing it. From the age 17-18 I had a boyfriend who r-worded me repeatedly (I was drugged or forcefully made to do it). But it was better than my home life. And I have this internship where I intern for the state with a new boyfriend who makes me feel pretty and we haven’t done anything, but my parents want me to get a hymen test. They have a bet with the family (aunts and uncles) that I’m not a virgin. They don’t know I was r-worded bc they don’t believe that it is possible. They believe that you put yourself in a position to be r-worded. And that r-word can only happen to men bc then that’s genuine force. They want me to get a hymen test, when I’m not a virgin - but not bc of my choice. I want to sob, but I’m at my internship and I don’t know what to do. I can’t stand the idea of having someone near any of my parts, not even my amazing boyfriend, out of fear. This is an off my chest bc I have no one to tell. It would be great if someone had a hymen/vCard examination pdf or something I could edit, but I know that’s near impossible. My parents have control over my savings account (made it when I was six and was forced to sign to have them have control until the age of 21), and that’s how I pay for my college (I tell them how much I need and they take it out for me). I live with my cousin so I can go to school and to my job, and if my parents find out, they will cut off my savings account. I’ve done everything write but I keep getting punished for it. I’m being serious- if someone has a hymen or vCard examination pdf I could edit, or a picture of one I could replicate it would save me. Sorry about this panicky vent, I just am scared. I will lose everything bc I was r-worded and my parents bet on my virginity.
Clarification & Edit: 1. From the US 2. Made bank acct when I was six, forced to sign another document at 18 that allows parental control over account until 21 3. I have a checking account and I have a job. I started working when I was 13 under the table and as a pianist. During that time, my parents convinced me to put it into my savings account bc I’d get it at 18 and wouldn’t spend my earnings. Everything in my savings account has been money I earned from chores from age six to jobs starting from 13-17. I opened a checking account on my birthday and started putting my new income in my checking. I pay for my phone & vehicle in my checking, my savings is solely for college and bigger expenses than what my checking can always afford, but bc of my parents having control over it, they get gruff with my savings and sometimes it’s hard to pay for college bc they won’t let me access it to make the payment. I only have about 3k to my checking right now (this internship wiped me out bc food and apartment expenses) so I really rely on my savings acct until I get back to either my current job or get this new one I’ve applied for.
Pray for me/hope for me: Attempting to obtain a job 10hrs away from home that pays very well and has housing that will allow me to go to school online or transfer without my parents knowing. That way, I don’t have to hope to get my savings account bc I will be able to afford to pay for college
UPDATE 1: A very kind redditor created a document for me to use when I go back home due to the powers of photoshop, determination, and kindness. My next update will either be on if I get the state job that has me move far away, and I’ve now learned will pay for my education OR an update on how they react. I cannot thank this redditor enough, the document looks amazing and they were so wonderful to work with. They should charge for their photoshop work, they did amazing. Thank you so much❤️
UPDATE 2: Hi everyone! Sorry for going AWOL. I appreciate everyone’s kindness on this thread, and all the advice in my dms. One friendly Redditor created a Hymen Test result certificate for me and I was able to give that to my parents. (I told them I got it on my last day at my internship). They believed it, which I’m thankful for. However, they were upset bc they wanted a doctor at home to do it, but I called places in front of them and they all said it was “unethical” to do that, so they dropped that topic. When it comes to my bank account, my bank changed ownership and is no longer Bank A but Bank B. I had gone up to my bank after my internship and asked about moving some money from my Savings account to see if the contract was legitimate and they looked at me and basically said “that was a stupid contract, we disregarded it” - so I have access to my savings account! As for me now, I didn’t get the state job unfortunately. But, I am now a Vet Tech on my way to become certified as a Vet Assistant in addition to my normal coursework and live with my boyfriend. But how did I get to do that? My bf has a truck, my parents went away for the weekend and I loaded up everything into the back of his truck that I wanted to take from my room (not furniture wise, but clothes whatnot and things that I needed) and left a note saying: “Hello, I hope you’re doing well and your trip was fun. I am having fun and doing well, too. I have moved out and have a place where I am safe and happy. Nothing of yours was taken, just my items and I left plenty of things that were mine but that I won’t need. Maybe in a few years we can make amends and you can look at me like your daughter, and I can look at you like parents. But I am tired of being viewed as a dog to be bet on, and a person to disregard. I don’t need anything from you, I’ve been paying my own bills since I was allowed to work- which you know. I love you and I will miss the good times that we did manage to have. But someday, maybe, we can all grow up and we can build the bond we struggled to maintain. Praying for you”. I distanced myself online out of worry and fear (though self made) that my parents or someone would find me and realize who I am, but also just to get into the habit of working, making money and actually getting into a normal “oh so this is what life is meant to be like” rhythm. Thank you again for all of the support and I will be answering any questions you may have.
Thank you Redditor who saved me. I will never be able to repay you for your document❤️.