Wealth without risk community

Morgue file.
Fucking finally!
You have no idea how many times I was tempted to just use my spear of distorsion to banish everyone. But until I beat Pan, I still ran the risk of being sent to the Abyss and having to deal with an entire army there, so nope.
It was really funny only using my starting spear for almost the entire game. I had picked up an eudemon from Mennas, but I only used it in Zot; Everything else was just stabbing and using wands.
I was REALLY scared of Zot, for obvious reasons. When I encountered OOFs on Zot2, I realized my wands of quicksilver could deal up to 3d33 dmg, so it kinda reassured me a little. Entering the lungs didn't start well at all; everyone at the entrance ganged up on me, but once inside it was a little better. My worst nightmare was getting hit by malevolence inside Zot5, but thankfully that never happened.
I wonder how many people managed to win with Dith without using any spells. Because holy shit can it get tedious at some points. Next time I try this run, I will go for 15 runes and a Zig, and then I'll be finally done with this game. For real this time.

Well, guys, I’m in a bit of a pickle. Please don’t judge me..I realize some of this was poor judgement on my behalf. But here I am. Please note that I am consulting with a couple lawyers next week. Ugh.
Background:
I am a sport coach professional of 15 years. I have been working independently with a handful of private clients since 2018.
A little over a year ago, I was introduced to an investor who purchased property near me, seeking the guidance of someone such as myself to help develop the property out for a business in my related sport field. I did not seek this investor out, they sought me.
I told the owner I had no interest in running the business, but I would happily act as a consultant to get the best use out of the facility as well as get them connected with other professionals who may be interested in leasing the property upon completion.
We had discussed briefly what compensation would look like, with plans to get things down on paper the following week when the investors were in town. (You might be able to see where this is going).
Well, fast forward — the investoowner of the property decided they did not want to proceed with the professionals I had connected them with, and instead wanted to see what they could do to get me and my business partner in to operate the business. Keep in mind that the investors/owners know NOTHING about my industry.
At this point we are about 4 months into this whole dynamic or whatever it is. At the time, despite how dumb it may sound, I sincerely did not mind going out of my way to help a few hours a week with the guidance of developing this property. No one in the area can help them the way I can. This type of a facility is overwhelmingly needed in this area for our sport, and there are few other professionals, if any, in the area that can help guide the development of their vision for the facility. For the benefit of the community, the time I was putting in did NOT bother me. I wasn’t worried about getting paid, and trusted we would come to an agreement (as had been promised).
Well, upon being re-approached by the owner to please reconsider operating out of the facility, they sweetened the pot by offering an ownership share for the time I am putting in. We met for dinner, they had printed out a sheet outlining the infrastructure of the ownership between me, my business partner, and them. Although nothing was signed, I have a printed copy of what was handed to me. Again, you can probably see where this is going. The ownership offer for my time made it worth it to me to move forward and start this whole thing from scratch. At the time, I had no reason to believe they would go back on their word.
After the meeting, I began putting more of my time into the facility (10-15 hrs per week). By this time, I was working with my business partner to develop business plans, working with their lawyers for documents, and all the normal stuff of building a small business from scratch. I have a years worth of texts and drafts I made for everything regarding the business. We had weekly meetings with the project manager. I began interviews for the team, hired the manager, etc etc. Each week went by, with more conversations about our agreement, promises that lawyers were drafting the agreements, yet each week we wouldn’t see paperwork prepared for us. As I’m sure you can anticipate, the original offer has been redacted and changed last minute. I know, I am really dumb for letting this get this far. Please don’t beat me up more than I am beating up myself.
What they are now offering are three different options
— a small salary + a much smaller profit share percentage
— a bigger salary
— a small salary + a lump sum payment for my time over the last year
A lump sum payment for my time and walking away was briefly mentioned, and my gut is telling me to accept that offer. But I am worried that they may make it very difficult to receive payment for my time, because we never had anything in writing for my consultation except for what was discussed very recently with our project manager and written down (Again, no signing, but I do have a photo of what was written down for my consultation fee). We are a month out from opening, and I am feeling pressured by them to make a decision despite asking for the last 4-5 months to review the final agreement. “The meeting” where the original offer was redacted, involved a lot of degrading statements and manipulation tactics — I believe they are trying to scare me into quickly complying with shady business practices.
I opted for the lump sum payment for my time and smaller salary (verbally). Now, I am waiting for the documents to be sent over to me so I can review the specifications of the NDA and the non-compete with a lawyer.
Although everything the owner has done (the details of the meeting in which the original offer was redacted was terrible — the owner showed their true colors and although I feel dumb, I am generally a good judge of character, and was sincerely blown away) goes against my values as a person, the facility we have built would be incredible for my clients to experience. The follow up meeting with our project manager, where we discussed the details of the new offer and got the stipulations written down on paper to transfer to the legal documents, was one that they were trying really hard to keep me on board, “making up” for the previous meeting. The reality is, once we are operating, I wont be seeing much of the owner at all. Regardless, at this point, if it were for myself and myself only, I wouldn’t move forward. But because of my clients, I want them to be able to train out of a facility like this. We have NOTHING like this in the area. However, although the money isn’t worth it to me, with the encouragement of my spouse, I do believe I need to see something in my pocket.
I believe I have the upper hand because I bring the clients to the facility and the knowledge. The owners couldn’t do this without me and my business partner, period.
Here’s what I’m worried about (aside from the obvious if not already stated) —
The NDA and the non-compete are going to be ridiculous. To be honest, I don’t know what “Trade secrets” would be covered in the NDA aside from their financials…there are no trade secrets in my industry that I can think of. I do think they will try to cover something I discovered and discussed with the owner — lets just say, someone on the property who shouldn’t be on the property due to legal reasons. But this is public knowledge if searched (which is how I discovered we needed to talk about this person and get him off the property, or the success of the business is at stake). But I don’t know if that’s legally possible. However, I do know that I saved “them” by bringing this to their attention because if discovered, quite literally their operation would have been completely shut down and ostracized by the governing body of my sport (For good reason). I think they are going to try really hard to make it difficult for me to leave with the non compete.
Is there a way for me to negotiate protecting myself and the clients I am bringing to the business with the non-compete? Is it reasonable to negotiate that the non-compete cannot apply to the clients I am bringing with me? Or that, if I am fired, or the conditions of my employment change, the non-compete is null and void? How does the recent new ruling on non-competes affect this?
Do I have enough hard evidence to ask for my consultation fee for the last year and just end with that? Or am I completely screwed out of that?
Do you have any advice for me at all?
Like I said, I am meeting with lawyers next week who specialize in my industry and employment, but I just wanted to pick the brains of lawyers here about my situation. Their business practices are clearly shady, and I need to get my head out of my ass and need help with what I should be on the lookout for.

During the height of my high regard for the Marvel Cinematic Universe (MCU), among the movies of which I had been a major fan were the Captain America releases. At least two of them. The third film in this mini franchise - 2016's "CAPTAIN AMERICA: CIVIL WAR" proved to be a major disappointment for me. However, when I heard that Disney and Marvel Films had plans to air a miniseries about the characters Sam Wilson aka the Falcon and James "Bucky" Barnes aka the Winter Soldier, I must admit that I felt a renewed interest in the franchise again.
When I said a renewal of the MCU franchise, I meant it. Aside from a few movies like "ANT-MAN", "BLACK PANTHER", "CAPTAIN MARVEL" and "ETERNALS"; the MCU had become a major disappointment for me ever since the release of 2015's "THE AVENGERS: AGE OF ULTRON". One might ask . . . what about the MCU television productions that aired on the Disney Plus streaming channel? Aside from one production that I somewhat liked and one that I loved, most of them have been disappointing to me. Unfortunately, I have to include this follow-up to the Captain America movies, "THE FALCON AND THE WINTER SOLDIER".
Set six months after 2019's "THE AVENGERS: ENDGAME", "THE FALCON AND THE WINTER SOLDIER" followed former war veteran/Avenger Sam Wilson, who has resumed working the for the U.S. government, while using his role as the Falcon. When the government recruits Sam to track down and deal with a group of enhanced anarchists known as "the Flag Smashers", former World War II veteran/HYDRA tool/Avenger James "Bucky" Buchannan aka the Winter Soldier decides to join Sam in his mission, due to his lingering guilt as a former HYDRA assassin and their shared experiences as Steve Rogers' close friends and battling Thanos and his army.
Since "THE FALCON AND THE WINTER SOLDIER" had aired on the DisneyPlus channel in six episodes, I had seriously considered ranking the episodes. But like Season three of the Marvel Netflix series, "DAREDEVIL", the more I watched "THE FALCON AND THE WINTER SOLIDER", the more it disappointed me. Aside from complaints about its pacing, the limited series had received a great deal of praise from critics and fans alike. Because of this, I believe it was one of the most overrated productions in the MCU history. People had seemed so focused on little moments and scenes that very few had noticed how the series' narrative seemed to be all over the map. For example:
~\Sam Wilson~* - This limited series is supposed to be a follow up to the events of "ENDGAME" in which Sam had received the Captain America shield from an aging Steve Rogers, a sign for him to take up the latter's costumed role. Was this an attempt by Marvel Films/Disney to make Sam a more relevant character? If so, why? Why did a MCU character have to replace Steve as the new Captain America to be more relevant? Why not allow Sam to continue as the Falcon, only push his role to the forefront as one of the franchise's new leading characters? Some might accuse me of not wanting a black man as Captain America, a topic that was brought up in the series. Frankly, I never wanted another character - regardless of race, gender or ethnicity - to become the new Captain America. That includes Bucky Barnes. Allow Steve Rogers to fade into the background and let Sam (as the Falcon) shine as one of the franchise's new leads. However, the die has been cast. One can only sit back and see if moviegoers are willing to accept Sam as the new Captain America.
Perhaps the MCU had to make Sam the new Captain America in order to make him more relevant. Why would I say that? The showrunner for "THE FALCON AND THE WINTER SOLDIER", Malcolm Spellman, came dangerously close to shoving Sam into the role of the second lead or worst, a role he has been since his debut in 2014's "CAPTAIN AMERICA: THE WINTER SOLDIER" - a supporting character. During the series' first three or four episodes, someone other than Sam (either Bucky Barnes or Helmut Zemo - two white men) made decisions that allowed the plot to move forward, not Sam. He was simply regulated to being an observer or reactor. The series even managed to undermine Sam's decision not to support the Sokovia Accords in "CIVIL WAR". In thee 2016, Sam became the first Avenger to speak out against the Accords and declare his intentions not to sign it. Yet, according to Bucky in this series, Sam had merely followed Steve's example in rejecting the Accords. And Spellman did nothing to allow Sam to correct this misconception.
~\James "Bucky" Barnes~* - One of the few aspects of "CAPTAIN AMERICA: CIVIL WAR" I found enjoyable proved to be the interactions between Sam Wilson and Bucky Buchannan. Despite their lingering jealousy and competition over the role as "Steve Rogers' best friend", the pair's interactions proved to be very entertaining, thanks to the screen chemistry between Anthony Mackie and Sebastian Stan. Unfortunately, Mackie and Stan could not save "CIVIL WAR" for me. Nor could they save "THE FALCON AND THE WINTER SOLDIER", due to its problematic writing. A good deal of that writing surrounded Bucky's character. I have so many questions about his role in this series. For example:
-Why would any official of the Joint Counter Terrorist Center allow Bucky to visit and question Helmut Zemo, the man responsible for the U.N. conference bombing in Vienna, in "CIVIL WAR"? That made very little sense to me. Surely the JCTC authorities remembered how Zemo managed to brainwash Bucky into making his own prison break in "CIVIL WAR"? Also, Bucky was on parole for his activities as a brainwashed HYDRA assassin. Yet, the JCTC had allowed him to visit Zemo? Surely, the showrunner could have allowed Sam, who was serving the U.S. government again, to be the one to visit and question Zemo?
-How on earth did Bucky managed to evade being arrested and charged for helping Zemo escape from the JCTC? The U.S. and other governments should have been suspicious of Bucky after learning about his visit to Zemo.
-Bucky came off as an arrogant school jock, who thought he was entitled to get his way - especially in his interactions with Sam. I found it hilarious that many fans had criticized John Walker aka Captain America aka U.S. Agent for such toxic behavior. Yet, they had turned a blind eye to Bucky's own behavior. And so did the series - up until the last two episodes. Why did the showrunner allow Bucky to get away with this behavior toward Sam for so long without any complaints from the latter?
-I did not care how Bucky had bullied his way into Sam's mission without the latter's consent. What I found even more annoying was the U.S. government's decision to allow Bucky to join Sam's mission after that ludicrous "therapy session" they were forced to attend together.
~\Racism -~* A good number of MCU fans had complained about the inclusion of racism in "THE FALCON AND THE WINTER SOLDIER". I had no problems with this direction, considering the story was about Sam, an African-American man, becoming the new Captain America. However, I had a good deal of problems with how the production explored the topic of racism.
The story of Isaiah Bradley, Marvel's second Captain America, had originated in the comics. In the MCU, he was a Korea War veteran whom the United States Army used as one of several unwilling African-American test subjects for their version of the Super Soldier serum. I realize that both Marvel Comics and the MCU had attempted to use Bradley's experience as a metaphor for the Tuskegee Syphilis Study. The problem is that I cannot see the U.S. government and the Army - both racist organizations in the early 1950s - be willing to risk the possibility of creating a non-white super soldier. Despite the recent desegregation of the Armed Forces in the late 1940s. And both the government and the Army had been more than willing to use white soldiers in other experiments.
After saving a group of black American super soldiers from a prison camp, Bradly was imprisoned by the U.S. government for thirty years. I saw nothing wrong with this twist in the character's narrative, until I remembered two things - Bradley had been able to free his fellow soldiers without anyone's help; and nearly sixty years later, Steve Rogers managed to break into the Raft and free those Avengers who had refused to sign the Sokovia Accord. Why was Bradley unable to free himself from prison? This is the man who had defeated the Winter Soldier by breaking the latter's metal arm. And he was not powerful enough to make a prison break, let alone evade capture?
I had assumed Sam's difficulty in becoming the new Captain America would stem from the government's reluctance to recruit a black man for the position. That would explain their decision to recruit the blond-haired John Walker instead. But the series never really made it clear whether political racism had played a role in Walker's recruitment. The series also had James "Rhodey" Rhodes had paid Sam a visit, emphasizing the importance of the new Captain America being black. As it turned out, Sam's own insecurities about becoming Captain America had more to do with him not initially assuming the role. There was also that interesting scene outside Bradley's Baltimore home where the police arrested Sam during verbal argument with Bucky. Although the cops backed away when they recognized Sam as an Avenger, they ended up arresting the parolee Bucky for missing his required therapy appointment. This scene was supposed to be a case of racial profiling. But . . . we might as well be honest. In the real world, the police would not have backed down from hassling Sam. What I found more disturbing was the production's handling of Bucky's arrest. Once the police discovers that Sam was an Avenger; they turned to arrest Bucky for failing to show up for his missing his therapy session. Not only did the police arrest Bucky with a more gentle behavior, they did so, accompanied by Henry Jackman's mournful score, something that did not accompany the moment of Sam being arrested. Were the audiences expected to notice the hypocrisy and racism in the police's handling of the two men? Expected to feel sympathy for Bucky? Or both?
The last episode featured a scene of two black kids playing with toy Captain America shields. Someone had commented that the shields (especially in the hands of non-white children) represented hope to the future of race relations in the United States. Why? How? This country had a biracial president for EIGHT YEARS. Yet, U.S. racial policies have remained problematic even to this day. I can say the same for other countries. The so-called symbolism of this scene only reminded me of how human beings put so much faith in imagery and symbolism. And this strikes me as a FALSE FAITH. Why was taking up the mantle of a costumed hero that had been previously occupied by a white man, the only way for Sam Wilson to become relevant within the MCU franchise? What was wrong with him being "the Falcon"? Sam becoming the next Captain America was not going to save the U.S. in regard to race relations - not in real life and not in the fictional world of the MCU. Looking back on the series, the series' only scenario that seemed to expose racism in a realistic manner, proved to be Sam's failure to acquire a bank loan for his family's fishing boat in Louisiana.
~\Sharon Carter~* - I am certain many MCU fans are aware of this. One of Marvel Comics' most iconic couples happened to be Steve Rogers aka Captain America and Sharon Carter aka Agent 13. She also happened to be the great-niece of Peggy Carter, Steve's love interest during World War II. Portrayed by Emily VanCamp, Sharon was first introduced as a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent in "CAPTAIN AMERICA: THE WINTER SOLDIER" as a potential love interest for Steve. Despite Sharon's appearance in the following Captain America movie, "CIVIL WAR", their romance never really developed. Many blamed the lack of chemistry between VanCamp and Chris Evans. I never had a problem with their screen chemistry. I had a problem with the lack of relationship development between Sharon and Steve. And I blame Kevin Feige's decision to transform the third Captain America film into a third (and badly written) pseudo Avengers movie. The change in the film's narrative, along with Sharon's failure to appear in "THE AVENGERS: INFINITY WAR" and "ENDGAME", left no opportunity for Sharon and Steve to become the romantic pair they had been in the comics. Instead, Sharon became a fugitive from the U.S. government after helping Steve and Sam hunt down Bucky, moved to Madripoor, a city-state with no U.S. extradition and became an embittered criminal known as "the Power Broker".
After "CIVIL WAR", nearly five years had passed before Sharon appeared in another MCU production - namely this series. And what happened? The franchise, with Spellman, ended up completely destroying her character by transforming her into the villain known as Power Broker, the criminal leader of an Indonesian city-state called Madripoor. After helping Steve and Sam acquire their suits and equipment in order to go after Bucky in "CIVIL WAR", Sharon lost her job with the C.I.A. and became a fugitive. She eventually moved to Madripoor, a city-state with no U.S. extradition, to evade capture, survived Thanos' Snap and became an embittered criminal nicknamed "the Power Broker" in order to survive the new world.
What really pissed me off about Sharon's arc between "CIVIL WAR" and "THE FALCON AND THE WINTER SOLDIER" is that her development into a major villain all happened OFF SCREEN. Off screen. Apparently, screenwriters for "INFINITY WAR" had written a draft that included Sharon in the movie. But according to Christopher Markus, he and Stephen McFeeley could not imagine scenes featuring Steve and Sharon trying to make it work in an apartment, because the 2018 movie did not have time to focus on their personal life. Why did Marvel simply fail to allow Sharon to be part of Steve's vigilante team - like Sam and Natasha Romanoff? I mean . . . good fucking grief! And why did Malcolm Spellman believe the only way Sharon could be interesting was to become a villain in "THE FALCON AND THE WINTER SOLDIER"? This was his idea of improving Sharon's character?
~\Helmut Zemo aka Baron Zemo~* - Why did Malcolm Spellman, Kevin Feige and the MCU thought it necessary to bring back Helmut Zemo, the Sokovian-born villain from "CIVIL WAR"? What role did he play in "THE FALCON AND THE WINTER SOLDIER"? I realize that Bucky, of all people, visited the incarcerated Zemo to acquire information on who had created the super-soldier serum that empowered the Flag Smashers. But why did he believe Zemo could provide the answer? Because he thought HYDRA was involved? Bucky or Sam could have searched for information from sources other than Zemo, who had been incarcerated for . . . what? Eight years? Eight years. Zemo managed to become something of a crowd-pleaser, thanks to Daniel Brühl's performance. Otherwise, I found his presence in this series unnecessary.
~\The Big Bad~* - Why on earth did it take this series so long to finally reveal the main villain's identity? At first, the series hinted the Flag Smashers, led by Karli Morgenthau. However, the series tossed other potential candidates for the Big Bad before viewers - John Walker, Helmut Zemo and yes, Sharon Carter. But in the end, Morgenthau and her group proved to be the main villains.
The Flag Smashers were a group of empowered people who believed the world was a better place between Thanos' Snap and the Blip (resurrection of those who had died during the Snap), when Humans around the world managed to unite and form a borderless society, one in which people helped others without any thought to nationalism and bias. Thanks to the Avengers, the world resumed its conflicts between nationalities and other groups. In other words, the borders returned.
Frankly, I have nothing against this ideal. Only Ms. Morgenthau and her followers resorted to violence and terrorism to achieve their goals. Does this sound familiar? It should. The Flag Smashers proved to be another example of characters with a progressive goal, resorting to extremism and becoming villains. This seemed to be a growing trend within the franchise, which I believe began with Erik "Killmonger" Stevens aka Prince N'Jadaka in 2018's "BLACK PANTHER". Since then, the MCU has not looked back at its growing roster of progressive villains. Perhaps I should not have been surprised. The franchise's ambiguous portrayal of an unconstitutional document like the Sokovia Accords, should have been the wake-up call. It seemed as if Kevin Feige, Marvel Films and Disney Studios had finally exposed themselves for the faux progressives they pretend to be. Frankly, this form of villainy has become tiresome to me.
After writing this article, I had considered ranking the six episodes featured in "THE FALCON AND THE WINTER SOLDIER" anyway. But I decided against it. My dislike of the series made it impossible for me to even bother. Being a fan of the first two Captain America movies, I had truly hoped this series would redeem the franchise. Unfortunately, it proved to be just as disappointing as "CAPTAIN AMERICA: CIVIL WAR". Pity. Perhaps the fourth film, "CAPTAIN AMERICA: BRAVE NEW WORLD" will do the trick. I hope so.

May 19, 2024
Today, I had a significant conversation with my wife about our contrasting preferences for daily routines. As someone with ADHD, I rely heavily on a structured and disciplined schedule to build habits and maintain a balance between my professional duties, personal health, and family time. My wife, on the other hand, embraces a more whimsical and spontaneous approach to her day as a stay-at-home mom. This fundamental difference in our lifestyles often leads to challenges that disrupt my ability to function effectively and achieve my goals.
I expressed my concern about our lack of physical activity and its long-term implications. Without incorporating regular exercise into our lives, we risk serious health issues like sarcopenia. The data clearly shows that physical and mental health decline without consistent exercise. I emphasized the importance of doing it together, as when I try to work out alone, it often leads to conflict at home. My attempts to run every night were met with struggles, resulting in fights and stress that ultimately made me stop.
I tried to explain that my need for a rigid routine is not about being inflexible for the sake of it, but rather a necessity to form and maintain healthy habits. Any deviation from this structure throws me off completely, making it impossible to stick to a workout regimen or any other habit. My wife suggested I simply go work out while she handles bedtime, but past experiences have shown this approach doesn't work. Without a predictable schedule, things quickly fall apart, leading to chaos and tension.
We discussed the possibility of finding a way to establish a consistent routine that accommodates both our needs. Perhaps going to the gym as a family or hiring a nanny could be potential solutions. However, my wife admitted her dislike for a rigid schedule, which she finds stifling. This difference is taking a toll on me; without a structured routine, I feel paralyzed and unable to control or plan anything in my life. This affects my productivity, my relationship with our kids, and my overall well-being.
I stressed that my ADHD and demanding career necessitate a structured approach to daily life. Flexibility leads to disorder, making it impossible for me to evaluate progress or develop good habits. I want to be involved in bedtime routines, as it's a valuable time to connect with our children. However, when bedtime is dictated by how my wife feels in the moment, it creates unpredictability and disrupts my ability to engage meaningfully with our kids or fit in my workouts.
If we don't adhere to a consistent schedule, everyone loses. I miss out on time with the children, my wife ends up handling bedtime on her own, which she dislikes, and this breeds resentment and guilt. It seems like a fundamental difference we can't easily reconcile. My need for external structure clashes with her preference for spontaneity, and this affects our ability to find a workable compromise.
I also recognize that my wife's upbringing, influenced by her sedentary mother, shapes her current lifestyle. This may be a deeper issue that goes beyond our immediate ability to resolve. Nonetheless, I remain hopeful that we can find a middle ground that allows both of us to thrive and support each other in building healthier habits and a more harmonious family life.

I've had problems with my SI joint, hip flexors and glute activation on one side since high school due to a sports injury. I knew that being pregnant would challenge all of this, and it's mostly been okay! I'm 33 weeks now however, and my work tends to get more physical this time of year so I've been quite sore.
I've been going to a physiotherapist for a few years who has helped me a ton with some of my issues. However... now that I'm pregnant he is hesitant and kind of implicitly refusing to do work on my SI joint. He's done stuff a bit around my hip but I reallllyyyy need some help with my SI and pain is now radiating down my leg which never used to happen. He's chalking some things up to pregnancy which I understand, and I know that some of this might be temporary, but I really need relief now!!
He says he doesn't want to do SI stuff for any potential risk to the pregnancy... has anyone come across this? Is this based on anything, or have you been able to get work done on your lower back throughout pregnancy without issue? Is there anything I can tell him to try to get him to help me with this?

For context, I am a fairly active person (167cm 65kg) - I go to the gym to lift weights 5x a week and occasionally play basketball. However, I only do 10 minutes of fast walk in the treadmill at full incline for my cardio. Is that enough? I also walk to and from the gym (20 mins total) every time I go.
As for my diet the past year, I’ve honestly stopped watching what I eat (I eat anything and everything) and stopped eating oatmeal everyday (which I used to do).
My doctor gave me 10 months to lower my cholesterol values and if it doesn’t, I will be prescribed maintenance meds, which I do not want since I am still young and that implies long term effects to the liver etc. I’m nervous because I believe my father’s side has a history of high cholesterol and high blood pressure so this might be due to genetics. But I still want to try to lower my levels without meds.
For the past month, I’ve started eating oatmeal mixed with chia seeds and banana everyday again. Started eating more chicken, veggies, tofu, fruits. Much less fried food and junk food, pork and beef, sweets. My snacks are just mostly roasted peanuts (unsalted)
Any tips? Are my results really bad for my age, and considering that this most probably might be genetics? How can I improve these numbers?
Thanks in advance

By Nick Whitaker and J. Zachary Mazlish, this is the best piece on this question so far. Excerpt, noting I will not double indent:
“Rather than regulation, our explanation for the absence of widespread prediction markets is a straightforward demand-side story: there is little natural demand for prediction market contracts, as we observe in practice. We think that you can classify people who trade on markets into three groups, each is largely uninterested in prediction markets.

• Savers: who enter markets to build wealth. Prediction markets are not a natural savings device. They don’t attract money from pensions, 401(k)s, bank deposits, or brokerage accounts.
• Gamblers: who enter markets for thrills. Prediction markets are not a natural gambling device, due to various factors including their long time horizons and often esoteric topics. They rarely attract sports bettors, day traders, or WallStreetBets users.
• Sharps: who enter markets to profit from superior analysis. Without savers or gamblers, sharps who might enter the market to profit off superior analysis are not interested in participating. They also largely don’t need prediction markets to hedge their other positions.”

[TC again] The core argument is explained further at the link. For instance:
“There is one important reason that prediction markets are not used by savers, and probably never will be. Prediction markets, unlike most asset markets, are zero-sum – in fact they are negative-sum, once you factor in platform fees. And if your money is in a prediction market, it can’t be invested in equities, or be earning interest in the bank, either. Every winner of a prediction market necessitates an equal and opposite loser. Securities investors with diversified portfolios can expect positive returns in the long term, because they are giving up their money for others to use to create output and wealth, in exchange for a share of what they create. That’s why responsible people have their pensions in stocks and bonds, rather than a diversified portfolio of sportsbooks. Positive-sum savings vehicles are far, far superior to zero-sum ones, for the simple reason that they will grow your savings in the long run.”
From the latest and very excellent issue of Works in Progress.
The post Why prediction markets are not popular appeared first on Marginal REVOLUTION.

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Let's face it, we've all tried to shoot AI from 100s of meters away. It's always been 'cheatcode' as humans Vs AO to shoot them out of aggro range in other games.
But now that the Devs have made it so AI shoot back at us (albeit with iron sights AK spraying us from super far), everyone complains about broken AI and it being unfair or unrealistic.
And rightfully so. It isn't realistic. But we can't just allow the AI to not aggro on us. And just asking them to "be smarter" like "repositon" or "hide/take cover" just kicks the van down the road and doesn't actually solve anything..cuz all we'll do is find a new angle, snipe another..watch them squirm and hide..rinse repeat. All that without ever risking anything, which isn't fun or engaging gameplay.

• So I put it to you, Grayzone players/snipelong-range engagers/scope enjoyers...how would you balance AI long range engagements so that they felt fair and not cheesy?

I'll start. If you miss your shot, target 1 will go find target X who is their resident sniper (every sight, especially military installations, should have multiple of these),who tries to counter snipe you and at the same time rallies 3-4 of his buddies to hunt you down in the location they heard the shot ring out by flanking you and fanning out slowly clearing the wider area. If it's an isolated dude. He runs for cover if not dead on first shot and warns his friends to be on high alert.
After which, crouched and lying down AI are automatically scouting hill ranges and have extended sightlines...if they spot you they fire 1-2 warning shots. If you don't take the hint they start hitting you in your lower body/legs cuz these aren't dedicated snipers like target X, these are iron sight, banana wearing jungle hooligans..so they know nothing about bullet drop and zeroing etc.. Eventually they get more accurate the more shots they hit...but by that time you should have multiple actual snipers trying to snipe you down, a squad closing the distance towards you by flanking and not just b lining it to your LKP. Fan out and clear tactics.
It's actually incredibly hard to program right and make it feel like a real engagement.
Let's hear it. What are your ideas?

I have browsed this subreddit and the guide and kind of have an idea of the process. I guess this post is to enquire about other people's experiences in a similar situation to me regarding timelines, inland vs outland applications, etc.
So, I (US Citizen) am married to a Canadian (she's dual, Canadian/US now, after emigrating here a few years ago.) We have a child together (2yo). As a family, we live together in the U.S.
The plan originally had been to start and raise our family here in the U.S. But now that we have our daughter, the call to move to BC where my wife is from is very strong.
The issue we are debating is applying for my PR from within or outside Canada.
Applying from outside: We submit our application and I can continue to work and earn a paycheck while application is being processed (could take 1-2 years?). The issue is, I work in law enforcement- the job is taking a toll on my mental health, where we currently live has my wife pretty unhappy, and the job is not conducive to a family with regards to scheduling. I miss my kid, man. But, the pay is good, and by continuing to work while the application is being processed, we have insurance, health coverage, etc, and we can set ourselves up for success and hit the ground running in Canada (BC ain't cheap!). ...just dunno how I'll do another 12-18 months of this job.
Applying from inside: Again, a long time to process application, but get to live in Canada and spend time with my daughter as a stay-at-home Dad while PR is being processed. But, I wont be making money (Wife will tho), and with regards to Healthcare- I don't think I would be eligible, at least for a few months? I'm healthy, but there is always that 'What if' factor. Also, if we go this route, we have to get to Canada first, which means quitting my job, trying to cross the border with all our stuff, and possibly getting denied entry due to intent to emigrate without PR status? I'd be jobless at that point...
Some other 'background' info: - Wife's job is remote at a US based company, with processes to allow for international work, including in Canada. This includes processes for taxes, benefits, etc.

• Our daughter is US Citizen currently, however, my wife has started her application for her Canadian citizenship (through her, as a naturalized citizen). This can take 4-5 months, but will most likely be processed before my PR gets processed - so no need to add our daughter as a dependent on my PR application?
  
• My wife has family in B.C., so we will have an already established community there and short term housing (lower mainland and Van Island)
  
• I have an Masters in Education (8+ years as a teacher, but no teaching 'license'. I taught ESL and at university level.) Also, as noted above I have experience as a first responder, both in EMS and Police. Im only listing these credentials because I've heard that certain work experience and qualifications can expedite the PR application process?
  
• Once on the ground, I intend to go back to teaching or maybe join one of the trades.
  

So, Reddit, if you were in our shoes - what would you do? What route would you take? Are there any other factors/ considerations that I haven't thought of?

I'm in my mid 30s and have been married for more than five years. There's absolutely nothing wrong with my relationship other than me and my desire to have more without ever acting on it. As the years ticked by, my sexual needs and desires grew and grew. I did what most do and turned to porn and Dirty Reddit chats to supplement what I wasn't getting in the bedroom.
As the law of diminishing returns held true, I decided to escalate. I made a dating profile in a city across the country where I frequent for work. I used real pictures, honest details and a fake first name. I'm a good looking, fit and successful guy but was still surprised at how much attention I got on the app. When I got married these apps were just taking off so the whole experience was exciting.
After a few days I met lots of interesting people but made two deeper connections with two women in particular, both very intelligent in high status jobs. The conversations and connections were so deep and fun I felt like a teenager again. We chatted frequently over two weeks to the point that my excuses for not asking them out were wearing thin (travel, busy, moving, etc).
After some thought I decided to make up a story to my wife and book a flight to the city. I booked a hotel for the week and followed through on the dates I set to take each of them for a nice high end dinner. The entire process was incredibly anxiety provoking but I was able to compartmentalise by telling myself that I'm just meeting some friends in a different city.
My backstory is me with minor details changed. This makes things natural. I scrubbed my socials and cleared my footprint so that just enough information can be found if you stumble across me. Before I gave my number, I told each of them my real name with a reasonable reason as to why I used a fake one - each accepted my explanation.
When I met the first one, I literally almost fainted from anxiety. After a few minutes I got it together and became myself. To say I had fun is an understatement, it was exciting, awkward, nervous and everything in-between. I had so much fun. We had so much fun.
She invited me to her place and we hung out. We did the typical slow burn and ended up making out. Then moving further and further. At one point she told me I was shaking as I laughed it off. But in reality I was so nervous. We reached her bedroom and for some reason I wasn't able to get it up. She was great and supportive but it was clear my nerves got the best of me. We fell asleep and I woke up a few hours later ready to go. We ended up having absolutely mind melting sex.
Over the week we had several more dates and hooked up having absolutely 10/10 sex each time that somehow got better after each encounter. The dates and the sex were amazing. It restored whatever was lost inside me and made me feel like a man again. This still feels amazing as I slowly became demasculated for no particular reason in my relationship and developed an odd cuck fetish which actively turns me off now.
To avoid suspicion, I ended it slowly and honestly. It was hard. It was a real breakup even though almost everything was fake. Even if I wanted, there were too many lies for anything to ever work which I'm sure I did subconsciously by design.
I am now back home with my wife as if nothing ever happened, refreshed. I'm calm and normal with subtle flashes of wonderful times I had away in my alternate reality. There was so much risk and excitement with what I did, but the most fascinating part of it all was how easy it was to manipulate my way to get what I wanted. My lies and half truths flowed off my tongue. My backstory held up under intense pressure when red flags appeared. It was simple to connect with such an intelligent someone under such false pretences.
I realize I am a horrible person but my brain has somehow compartmentalized the entire experience as if it never happened which is making it difficult to manage and reflect.

I'm back from 2019 and I think El Primo hasn't catched up to the meta. He's too slow to run away or get close healthily, enviromental usage isn't worth much when your opponent can penetrate walls or jump over them, his dps is quite mediocre considering that he HAS to get close to be a good brawler, because his only long ranged attack is his super. And it's slow.
Since Primo needs to get close to fight, why not give him more speed instead of health points? It'll basically be a Tf2 Scout concept: High Risk, High Reward. If you manage to get close without dying, you get kills. If you can't, you die. Am I tripping or not?

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I was put on probation for 3 years and I’m 6 months away from finishing. My husband got a job offer in a diff state that he wants to take asap. I am about to pay off my restitution and once that’s paid off I will have 0 violations. My offense was non violent, non drug or alcohol influenced and it was a state offense. I also never had to do any community service or classes.
I told her about wanting to move and she told me once my restitution is paid off she will start the early term investigation.
Does anyone know how long this process in maricopa county takes?
I should also note that I am under a felony probation but I don’t ever meet with my PO, and I never take drug tests. She’s basically not on my case at all, and I’m under “minimum risk” if it comes down to her recommendation she will be 100% on board.

Notmine, but some very creative people have come up with a campaign to get the word out and let the people know that SOMETHING needs to be changed/worked out BEFORE deciding that closing Library branches is the correct option.
Here is the info from the Facebook post (link at the end): The title is "The 'Seeing Red' Campaign."
Libraries are an indispensable resource to our community. They provide a safe place for our children to grow and learn. They offer services found nowhere else in our county. They are cool in the summer, warm in the winter, and welcoming to anyone. Our hardworking librarians have always done their best to give back to the community, but now we must come together in their defense.
On Friday, May 17th, the St. Charles County community was blindsided by a proposal to close three library branches – Deer Run, Kisker Road, and McClay. These closures may occur as soon as June 30th.
This proposal has us all Seeing Red. Due to community backlash, the final vote was postponed for 30 days, but we are still at risk of branches being closed. If this vote goes through, we will lose some of our most important community spaces, as well as the programs and services they offer. Library employees in these branches will lose their jobs and the livelihoods of those who worked to uplift our community will be put at risk.
It is time to come out and support your local libraries.
The primary goal of this campaign is to increase traffic to Deer Run, Kisker, and McClay over the next 30 days. We encourage all members of our community to check out books, attend programs, get to know staff, and take in what we are at risk of losing.
We also want to spread the word of what’s happening. If able, please take some time to inform others around you by reaching out to your friends, family, and acquaintances in the area, or by joining in peaceful protests outside of branches and spreading information to other branch visitors.
During this period of 30 days, as a symbol of our united frustration, outrage, and discontent with the library board’s actions, we request that you show up to any and all of our libraries while Wearing Red, but especially those most at risk. By standing together, we can show the board exactly how we feel about their choices.
Show up to our at-risk branches, wear red, write to the board, and make your voice heard. Together, we can make a difference. All of us must step up as members of our community and do our part to show support for our libraries. Show up nice and early to board meetings. Grab a comment card (they no longer allow patrons to pre-print them) and jump in line to speak your mind.
For those who wish to write directly to the library board to voice your concern, emails may be addressed to board@stchlibrary.org STCH Library Board Email: board@stchlibrary.org Steve Ehlmann email: sehlmann@services.state.mo.us Dan Borgmeyer email: dan.borgmeyer@stcharlescitymo.gov
If you know of businesses or organizations that are willing to promote red, we would love to involve the entire community in this. For example a cookie shop might sell Red Velvet Cookies at a discounted price to people who mention #SeeingRed.
https://www.facebook.com/share/p/JTdfwtQRqvjqaZrq/?mibextid=oFDknk

I'm in my rewatch of season 2 before discovering season 3 and I needed to vent my feelings about the Sharma family.
The three Sharma women have their responsabilities in S2 mess and their own flaws. But they also have some excuses for their actions.
Kat SHARMA:
She had to take care of her mother and sister at a young age, putting her own dreams aside. She also developed a feeling of inferiority and a fear of not being part of this family now her father was no longer there and she was left with her stepmother and half-sister, both from nobility while Kat is a commoner.
So she gave up marriage, her dreams and focused on raising her sister to allow her to have the luxury life and marriage she deserved. However, by doing this, she projected all her regrets and expectations onto her younger sister, turning/raising Edwina into the perfect debutante: always in control and perfection who never shows her true personality (and who didn't have one really), only seeking to please others and find the perfect rich husband.
Thus, Edwina has become self-centered while remaining naive, inexperienced and with the pressure of finding a good husband (being sheltered by her mother and her sister who project their own expectations and regrets onto her).
Kat shaped her sister this way, which is a disservice. Then, behind her back, she has reciprocal feelings and desire for Edwina suitor and never protects her sister from this. On the contrary, she even pushes Anthony to maintain his engagement under the pretext Edwina would have developed feelings for him. Her guilt, feeling of inferiority and of owing something to her sister push her to condemn Edwina to a miserable life. If her suitor proposes to her only to escape his attraction to her sister and continues to desire Kat behind her back, what future does Edwina have with Anthony if not a life of sorrow?
The same goes for the grandparents' money. Even though Kat had to take charge of her family, she had no right to hide from her mother and sister that the grandparents who disowned the mother would give their money under certain conditions. Mary had the right to know and decide whether she wanted to reconnect with her parents. Edwina had the right to know and decide whether she wanted to inherit from her grandparents on the terms they set. Hiding something so important from them was a mistake. Kat projected her own fears onto her family without even trying to find out what they wanted. She has an inferiority complex due to her status as a commoner and didn't want her mother and sister to be dragged down but it was not up to her to make the decision.
Mary SHARMA: She made the choice to run away with a widowed servant who already had a child rather than marry a man of her rank. She chose to become Kat's stepmother and live a more difficult life. However, when her husband died, she collapsed (which is understandable but not if the child who was not hers had to become responsible for her). She let her eldest daughter become responsible for their family at a young age, having to manage their financial life and her younger sister's education. Mary has completely renounced her parental authority to leave Kat the caretaker of the family. Kat yearned for love, for a family and overnight, she decided to raise her sister so that the latter had this life and no longer her.
As a mother, Mary should have seen her eldest was sacrificing her happiness and dreams for her younger sister. Kat was afraid of not deserving this family, of not really being part of it, of being responsible (now that her father is no longer there) for the precariousness that these two noble women suffered. And Mary, as a mother, should have realized what Kat was thinking, reassured her and helped her instead of having an attitude that, in many ways, was that of a stepmother and not a mother.
Mary knows Kat wants to return to India as soon as Edwina is married to become a governess. What mother would accept being separated from her child in another continent who would live a solitary life even if the child says she wants her freedom? And when we know Kat has simply resigned herself to this existence because she doesn't think she has a place in her noble step/half-family and not because she truly desires this life, it's revolting that Mary doesn't realize Kat's desperation.
Mary failed as a mother to Kat, she failed as a mother to Edwina, and she failed as a widow because her husband would never have tolerated seeing what his two daughters were driven to become.
Edwina Sharma:
She is young, very young and has no life experience. Her mother and sister never prepared her for the hardness of life, the cruelty of this world, the lies of men and, quite simply, the responsibilities of a life as a wife. She lives in the bubble her family created for her: transformed into an accomplished young girl who adapts to her audience, always saying the right thing, smiling and obedient. She learned not to make waves, to always try to please, not to enter into conflict, not to make a stand for those she love (like at dinner when she greets her grandparents with a big smile without worrying about the suffering her mother had because of them). In many ways, she is oblivious to the suffering of others and their problems because she was raised to be the center of attention, being the youngest and her family only hope to secure wealth.
She was raised to be the perfect wife and so she dreams of being one and only thinks about finding the ideal husband according to the image she has created for herself. When she meets Anthony, he is handsome, the most popular of the suitors and he pursues her with great ardor which, in her limited, inexperienced child's mind, means that he values ​​her a lot. He has a great title, great wealth, is handsome and wants her as his wife. It doesn't take much for Edwina who, at that moment, is not looking for love (contrary to what Kat, projecting her own aspirations, tells her).
She has learned so much that marriage is the ultimate goal that she doesn't even take the time to realize the situation she's getting herself into: she sees Anthony as he tries to make himself appear to her and not as he really is. Even when there were signs: the duplicity of Anthony who sent a friend to distract Kat, the unbridled passion of the Bridgerton siblings while playing (which isolated Edwina who didn't understand that nobles let go of maners like this, she who always learned to stay in line).
She is particularly cruel in her words towards Kat at the last part of the season and she never should have say that. But she is a teenager whose world has just fallen apart, betrayed by the person she trusted the most and the man she was going to entrust her life to. Her sister was more than a sister, she was her teacher, mentor, friend and guardian.
Kat raised her, put into her head everything Edwina thinks about marriage and life. She's the one who put this burden on her shoulders and turned her into this diamond but betrayed her like this because Kat was never honest. If the latter had told her family her fears, her aspirations, their financial problem etc... Edwina could have acted differently. But Kat never gave her the chance. She pushed her down this path then betrayed her by acting against everything Kat said: she said she wants freedom and not to get married but she developed feelings for her sister's fiancé, she said Anthony wasn't an acceptable suitor and tried to dissuade Edwina from marrying him but in fact Kat had developed feelings for him and find him acceptable. In Edwina's eyes, Kat is a hypocrite who put pressure on the child she was because she couldn't have that for herself but ended up compromising everything anyway because deep down, Kat hadn't given up on having what she wanted Edwina to have. And, in many ways, she is right. Kat failed as a big sister and made many mistakes even if the main fault lies with the parent: Mary.
Conclusion:
For me, of the three, Edwina is the least to blame. She is a child, unlike the other two, who developed flaws because of the way her mother and sister raised her. Many brothers or sisters say horrible things in a moment of anger. Even though it's horrible and she shouldn't have, one of the main causes of their problems is precisely that Kat sees herself as her half-sister and has decided to distance herself from her family, causing all those problems. Edwina is betrayed, humiliated, heartbroken, her reputation may be shattered, her future ruined. I think in this situation, even though it's horrible, it can be excused that she calls Kat her half-sister, pinpointing the root cause of the situation they find themselves in.
Kat is to blame for the choices she made, her indecision, the mistakes she continued to make, and her weaknesses. She raised her sister to marry a rich man while trying to belatedly remind her to marry for love (because that's what she would want for herself). Her indecision in the way she raised and married her sister, her lack of courage and her choices caused all this mess. However, she suffers from the trauma of her father's death, from having the feeling of having to owe it to her mother and her sister to meet their needs because they are noble, unlike her. And, in many ways, if she came to have such a complex it's because her mother did not give her enough trust and a place in her own family. So I understand her doubts and fears, I understand, admire and respect the sacrifices she made. But I also don't excuse her attitude towards her sister and some choices she made. Her indecision between wanting to secure wealth and seeing her sister marry for love as Kat wanted for herself, between wanting her sister's happiness but wishing her own happiness over hers had terrible consequences and could have ruined her sister's life.
Mary is the main culprit in all of this. Her lack of discernment, her weakness at the death of her husband, her longing for the luxury of her birthright, all this was noticed by her eldest who had to provide for the needs of Mary and Edwina, renounce her own life, keep quiet her feelings and thoughts, and spend 10 years preparing a secure life for them of which she would not be a part of.
This blended family suffered from a cruel lack of communication, a lack of listening and attention and a lack of trust. Each of these women locked themselves in their own bubble, in their own suffering, their own problems and expectations and they all missed out on what the others were going through.
My regret is that the season decided to drag out this drama for so long without giving the audience and characters enough time to resolve this mess in a more appropriate and interesting way, allowing for real character development and a real lesson to learn from this situation.
P.S : Of course, since my post is about the Sharma family, I am not discussing Anthony who has a huge share of responsibility in the story and who should also have had more time to redeem himself and deserve his happy ending

My girlfriend and I were together for two years, part of it was long distance. We were previously good friends for 5 years, then she was the one that caught feelings and pursued me first. During our relationship she always told me things like “I’m the one”, we talked about how we would get married and grow old together, she made so many promises that she was 100% sure of me and that she’d never leave. She would say things like “we’ve known each other in every lifetime”. We got together even though I was leaving for a masters study, she said she thought she’d never do long distance again but for me it was worth it, bc she was 100% sure I’m the guy she wants. I left a week after we got together, and I was gone for about a year. During that time we visited once a month, it was always great. I eventually moved back and we spent another year together in person. I’m sorry if this post is too long.
She ended things about a month ago. During the breakup she gave me very vague answers so I couldn’t get the closure I needed. I decided to reach out a week after the breakup to ask why she did it, and what she said killed me inside.
She said that she knew we were compatible and I’m an amazing person but felt like she was settling for me, and she didn’t want to live her life like that when she thinks she can find something better. She said she believes in that soulmate connection with one person when you know deep inside you that this is “it”, and she didn’t feel like that with me, she didn’t think I was “it”. But we did say to each other during the relationship that this was “it”, she told me so many times that I’m the one, so I don’t know how a flip just switched in her brain. She also said she realized she didn’t love me in the way “real love” is, and maybe she just loved the idea of me. She said she always felt the need to be accepted and loved by people and I made her feel like that. She said when you truly love someone you’d sacrifice things for them, and she wouldn’t sacrifice things for me. She said she was forcing herself to be comfortable around me, and it wasn’t the type of comfort that it should be with “the one”.
How the fuck does it take you two years to realize you don’t love someone in the way “real love” is? Especially after all the emotional intimacy we shared. How could you be uncomfortable with me? I was her first kiss, her first hand hold, she said she was saving those things for the right person and she did them with me. Why would she feel like shes settling for me when she’s the one that pursued me first? She went all out to “get me” and be in a relationship with me. Am I really the type of guy that gets settled for? That hurts like hell. She said she was having all these thoughts during the last 4 months of the relationship. But literally a month ago, I felt that she’s been a bit cold, and I asked if everything was okay. She said “nothings wrong, I’ve been really stressed with school/work. But nothings wrong with us, maybe something’s just wrong with me with all the stress. But we’re good, that doesn’t mean I don’t love you or that I’d ever give up on us, I’d never do that. Don’t worry I still love you and I’ll always be here.” She said that word for word. So she was lying to me? Why would you lie instead of communicating openly? If she had told me she was having those thoughts it would’ve been easier for me, but she gave me that reassurance and then blindsided me a month later. I told her it’s normal to lose feelings in a relationship after a while, that eventually that initial spark or honeymoon phase ends, and that’s when the real relationship starts and you work on building a life together. Love eventually becomes a choice and not just a feeling. But she said she wouldn’t lose feelings with the right person. Now I’m the wrong person when she literally told me a million times that we were always meant for each other. I told her I think she’ll end up being disappointed when she realizes there is no “one” person that gives you that magical feeling for life, you eventually reach a point where you have to choose that person everyday. Relationships are hard and most of them end up losing that initial spark, but it’s an opportunity for a new kind of love to blossom, a love based off commitment and loyalty to each other. That’s the only way a relationship can last forever. And during our relationship we even acknowledged that fact together and we told each other that if the feelings fade we will always choose each other no matter what happens. It makes no sense to me. And if she actually lost feelings and fell out of love, that’s fine. But to say she never loved me in the way “real love” is, that makes no sense to me and it’s killing me inside. Have I just been blind and stupid the entire relationship? How does it take TWO YEARS to realize that? She said to me, “maybe you can choose someone and settle for them and learn to love them, but I believe there’s one person out there that is meant for me and when I find them I will know it deep inside me.” Yea, I believed that too. I believed it because I thought it was you. Just because I chose you doesn’t mean I’m settling for you or learning to love you. I thought you were meant for me. It’s so ridiculous I don’t understand, she used to be so sure that I was the one, she knew it deep inside her that I was. And now she’s saying that when she finds it, she’ll know. Well you knew it with me and now you don’t.
Part of me understands why she lost feelings, we didn’t really have a strong base. We were together for only a week before I left for a year. I feel like it wasn’t enough time for the physical attraction to build up and to get to know each other in person. By the time we visited each other, a lot of time had passed and the spark wasn’t the same as the beginning, it was kinda awkward at first. We got into a serious committed relationship talking about future marriage, before we ever hugged each other. She was scared to kiss me, maybe that’s why she said she was forcing herself to be comfortable. But eventually we kissed and it was great. During the visits it felt like everything was going great and that our relationship was getting stronger. I didn’t think that she was uncomfortable. I feel like if we had done all the intimate things in the beginning, we would have a base to build off of and the spark would be alive.
Also I keep blaming myself and wondering what I did wrong. I’m just certain that it’s my fault, that I made her lose attraction. Maybe I wasn’t manly enough or attractive enough. Maybe I was too boring or uninteresting or too “stable”. Being in love with someone basically means you have to be sexually attracted to them first, that’s what separates family love from romantic love. Maybe I didn’t do enough to keep her attracted to me, so she felt like she lost feelings. It was really hard with the distance. I tried, I really tried. I would always flirt and tease her, I tried not to let the relationship feel like it was a platonic friendship over time. I was always confident and “manly” with her, I stood my ground when she did things I didn’t like, I wasn’t needy. We sexted and video called all the time. I always planned amazing dates. I tried to keep the fun alive. I don’t know what else I could’ve done to keep her attracted. I truly feel like if we had been in person the whole time, it would’ve worked and she would’ve still been attracted to me. It’s just different when you’re there physically. But we both knew this, we acknowledged that it was gonna be hard and the feelings may fade, but we said we’d always choose each other no matter what. Maybe it was inevitable with the distance, but at the end she said it wasn’t because of the distance, she believes with the right person the distance wouldn’t matter. So I just wasn’t the right person for her, I was for a while, but I let her lose attraction for me. Your view on love and attraction may differ, but I learned that it’s the guy’s responsibility to keep a woman attracted, it’s about how he acts and behaves that keeps her attracted. So it’s my fault she lost attraction, it’s something I did. For example when I look back at the first visit, a mistake I made was asking to kiss her instead of just going for it. She said no, maybe because I came off as unconfident and that turned her off. I was so nervous during the first visit because there was so much expectation built up inside my head. Maybe that prevented me from being able to genuinely enjoy myself around her and attract her. Eventually though, we got comfortable with each other and we kissed and it was great. I felt the spark was there. I don’t think she met someone else, I asked her and she said no. Yea maybe she could’ve lied, but i know her and I don’t think she would do that. She said “you know me, I would never allow myself to do that while I’m in a relationship. The reasons are solely because I don’t feel in love with you anymore.”
We hit a little rut near the end because we were both very busy, but I didn’t think it was concerning because she always gave reassurance and made it seem like everything is fine. It feels like shit hearing that someone was settling for me. Why wasn’t I enough? I keep looking back and thinking what I could’ve done different to keep her attracted. I keep nitpicking at myself and feeling insecure about the way I am. She was so sure of me in the beginning so I must’ve done something along the way to make her lose feelings. She let me tear my walls down and trust her fully, then she left. It feels like I’m not worthy of love because she saw something in me and decided she didn’t want me. What hurts the most is that to me, she was “it”, to me she was the one. And she said that to me too and I believed her. I felt that she truly meant it when she said that. She would tell me she was always attracted to me and had feelings during our friendship but she “locked them in a box” because she was too afraid. She even told me that I was a walking green flag and that I was perfect and I did nothing wrong. It hurts to know she thinks that yet she still decided she didn’t want me. It kills to know that one day she’ll get married, he’ll get to hold her and kiss her and have a family, and it won’t be with me. I can’t stand the thought of her being intimate with someone else. And it’s the thought that, whoever she ends up with, will be better than me in a way. She will love him more than she loved me. He will make her feel what I couldn’t make her feel. And I’m blaming myself so much that I couldn’t make her feel like that anymore. I’m grieving the future that we both planned together. I feel so betrayed, I feel like shit. Most of all I just really miss her, we knew each other for 7 years and now we’re just strangers again.
I’ve been hurt before, I’ve had a few breakups, but this one hurts the most. I don’t know what it is about this girl that makes me feel like I’ll never find anyone better. I know that time heals everything but I feel like this has damaged me on a deep level, I feel like I can’t let my walls down again. I don’t want to love again and risk getting hurt. I can’t invest myself fully into someone if I’m always afraid they’re going to blindside me. I know a breakup shouldn’t define your self worth, but it’s just the idea that the person I loved doesn’t see herself spending her life with me anymore, that makes me feel really bad. It’s the thought that she saw something in me that made her decide she doesn’t love me. She analyzed our relationship and thought “I want someone better”. The thought that it’s my fault, that it’s something I did. I didn’t have enough “game”. I couldn’t keep her attraction high. I can’t stand the idea of her getting married one day and finding her “it”. Of course I want her to be happy but I’d be lying if I said that doesn’t kill me inside.
Nobody is perfect but she was close to it. She’s such a rare breed, she had everything I wanted in a woman and it’s so hard to come by. I wish I had a reason to hate her but she’s genuinely an amazing person. She did nothing bad to me, we barely fought and when we did it was very gentle. Our entire relationship was pretty much perfect up until the end. I’ve never been with someone that was this compatible with me. She’s the kindest human, she’s intelligent, she’s very mature, she’s beautiful inside and out, she’s very warm and gentle. And the fact that she’s such a sweet and genuine person makes it way harder. If she had cheated or something I think this would’ve been easier on me, because I’d see her as a bad person. But she’s not a bad person. It hurts way more knowing that she was feeling like she wanted to end things, but at the same time she was trying to convince herself to love me, because she didn’t want to hurt me. She didn’t want to break her promises, she was trying so hard not to, but in the end she couldn’t lie to herself anymore. Why do I have to feel like someone has to convince themselves to love me? Why does someone have to force themselves to believe I’m the one? Why can’t anyone ever just truly believe it with their entire soul, that they want to be with me. When I asked for reassurance and she told me she still loved me and would never give up, she was trying to convince herself because she didn’t want to hurt me. It was all lies. Every “I love you” in the last 4 months was a lie. I feel like such an idiot that I was sitting there for the past 4 months thinking that everything was going great. She was just faking her affection the whole time. Imagine hearing that someone was forcing themselves to love you. No one was forcing you! The exit door has always been open, no one forced her to stay, no one forced her to pursue me in the first place. I told her many times that I just want truth and transparency in our relationship, yet she hid all of those things. She said she hid them because she cared about me and didn’t want to hurt me, and she was trying to make it work. But if she truly cared for me, she would know that I deserve honesty, I deserve to know the truth even if it hurts. I don’t deserve to live in a lie. If she cared for me she would let me go find someone who truly loves me, instead of just pretending to love me. By lying, she was only caring about herself, to relieve herself of the guilt. The breakup would’ve been way smoother if she just told the truth from the start, but now I feel like an idiot who sat there for 4 months thinking that everything was going well, when in reality it wasn’t.
There’s so many things I loved about her. I loved the way she cries during every movie, she thinks she’s too sensitive but I think it’s beautiful to feel your emotions that deeply. I loved the way her face lights up when she smiles. I loved how she would call me just to tell me silly little things about her day. I loved her curiosity and wonder for the universe. I loved how she would run into my arms when she saw me. She just understood me, and I understood her. I can’t hate her, I wish I could, but I just love her with all my heart. I don’t think I’ll ever stop. Even when 20 years pass and I’m over this and we’re both married to other people, I will still love her and wish the best for her. I miss her so much, I miss talking to her. I know we can't be friends, but I really wish I could still have her in my life. But I shouldn't wish that I guess, because she decided she wants to live her life without me in it. I can’t believe she could decide to lose me forever when she always said she could never live without me.
The worst part is, I reacted to the break up very emotionally. I showed how hurt I was, I wrote a long paragraph, and I brought up all the promises she made. That was a mistake, it probably killed any ounce of attraction she had left. If there was any chance of her coming back or realizing it was a mistake, I destroyed that chance. I made it look like I can’t live without her. I didn’t beg for her back at all, but I kept pushing for answers and explanations. I asked her what I did wrong and stuff, and that made me look super desperate. I should’ve just accepted the break up immediately and cut off all communication. Maybe then she would’ve thought about it, she would wonder why I wasn’t upset and have second thoughts about her decision. It would make me look more attractive in her eyes. But no I ruined it forever. Now all I want to do is salvage some respect, to make her see me as a valuable person. Not as someone who can’t live without her. Deep down I really want her to have a change of heart, I want her to feel re-attracted somehow, after having some time and space away from the situation. But I ruined her image of me. Now I’m looking back and analyzing every little thing about our relationship and wondering what I should’ve done better. I realized I made a lot of mistakes, which at the time I didn’t think were mistakes, but now looking back it’s probably my fault she lost attraction. I didn’t do enough.
I told myself during the relationship that “everything is temporary, don’t get too attached, life can change at any moment”. I know those things because I’ve learned my lessons from the past, but this is still killing me. I know almost everyone has been heartbroken, I’m nothing special, every human has been through this before. I just need to hear that it wasn’t my fault or that I’ll find someone better eventually. I’m blaming myself a lot right now and I keep thinking that she wouldn’t have left if I had been attractive enough. I generally consider myself a confident person but this has set me back a lot, it’s ruining my self esteem. Maybe I have attachment issues that I need to work on. I know that time will heal this, but right now I can’t imagine myself finding someone that’s better. I feel like the idea of “the one” has been ruined for me. I want to believe it, but I don’t think I do anymore. Even if I find another person who I think is the one, there’s always the possibility that they will change their mind. There’s always a chance that all of their words and actions were just lies. A lot of people get into relationships because they love the idea of being in love, not because they are actually in love with the person.
Thank you for reading this far, I know it’s a long post. I needed somewhere to vent, I don’t have many people to talk to. When I cry, I cry alone. And during the act of crying I start to hate myself for being such a bitch. I know it’s perfectly okay to cry and feel your emotions but it’s hard to escape the conditioning that I’m used to. I have friends and family but, I can’t express my emotions the way I did in this post. People have their own lives and worries and they don’t want to deal with someone’s silly heartbreak I guess.
TL;DR - my gf and I broke up a month ago, she said she was settling for me and that I wasn’t the “one”, even though she made promises and assured me that she wouldn’t leave. I keep blaming myself and wondering what I did wrong.

Ideological Foundation

• Individual Freedom & Natural Rights
  • Emphasis on individual liberties and natural rights.
  • Minimal government interference in personal lives and domestic issues
  • Domestically, the role of government ought to be to protect citizens' rights to life, liberty, and private property
• National Sovereignty & Populism
  • Strong focus on national security, national interests, and American exceptionalism; national sovereignty and self-sufficiency
• Fiscal Conservatism
  • Commitment to balanced budgets and reducing national debt
  • Low taxes and minimal government spending, fostering a free-market economy
  • Spending should be focused solely on essential functions that protect citizens' rights and national security/sovereignty, namely national defense, border security, law and justice system, infrastructure, and childhood education.
• Rugged Individualism and Loyalty
  • Embrace self-reliance, toughness, and personal responsibility
  • Loyalty to family and close allies, valuing trust and loyalty above all

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Policy Viewpoints

• Economic Policy
  • Free Market Principles: Promote a free-market economy with minimal regulation, reducing bureaucratic red tape to encourage entrepreneurship and innovation
  • Taxation: Implement low tax rates to spur economic growth and investment. Simplify the tax code to make it fairer and more efficient
  • Government Spending: Limit government spending, focusing on essential services. Reduce waste and ensure fiscal responsibility to lower the national debt
• Foreign Policy
  • Non-Interventionism: Avoid unnecessary foreign entanglements and military interventions. Focus on diplomacy and trade relations that benefit national interests.
  • Defense: Maintain a strong national defense to protect sovereignty but avoid being the world’s policeman. Prioritize defense spending efficiently.
  • Trade: prioritize domestic industries and local jobs, utilize protectionist policies when advantageous to protect them.
• Domestic Policy
  • Individual Liberties: Protect individual rights, including freedom of speech, religion, and privacy. Oppose government surveillance and overreach.
  • Justice System: Ensure a fair and swift justice system. Advocate for criminal justice reform to reduce over-incarceration and emphasize rehabilitation.
  • Property Rights: Strong protection of property rights, ensuring individuals can own and use their property without undue government interference.
• Immigration & Border Policy
  • Secured Borders: Implement strong border security measures to prevent illegal immigration and protect national sovereignty. Deport any and all illegal immigrants. Hold the countries these illegals are coming from accountable for the costs and burdens illegal immigration causes, if feasible.
  • Legal Immigration: Allow legal immigration but make it far more merit-based and prioritize the well-being of the nation and its current citizens. Immigrants must be able to be self-sufficient and support themselves, raise their families, and assimilate not so much to our culture but to our national values and principles.
• Healthcare
  • Market-Based Solutions: Encourage competition in the healthcare market to lower costs and improve quality. Oppose a single-payer system or excessive government control. Remove useless, harmful regulations.
  • Transparency: all providers must charge transparent, non-discriminatory, publicly available prices for all services. Also, consumer choice.
• Education
  • School Choice: Support school choice initiatives, including charter schools and voucher programs, to provide parents with options and improve educational outcomes.
  • Local Control: Advocate for local control of education, reducing federal government involvement and allowing communities to tailor education to their needs.
• Environmental Policy
  • Conservation: Promote conservation efforts that protect natural resources while allowing for responsible use and development. Balance environmental protection with economic growth.
  • Innovation: Encourage technological innovation to address environmental challenges, rather than heavy-handed regulation.
• Trade Policy
  • Fair Trade: Implement trade policies that ensure fair competition and protect American jobs. Use tariffs selectively to counteract unfair trade practices.
  • Economic Nationalism: Prioritize trade deals that benefit the American economy and workers, fostering self-sufficiency and reducing reliance on foreign production.