I work for a tech company, and I am EXTREMELY privileged to have this work-from-home position considering I dont have my degree yet. My boss was extremely happy for me and wanted to promote me to a higher level, and obviously I was very excited. I was disabled for quite a bit, I have an auto immune disease that causes very painful joint damage and I spent 5 years in extreme pain and only recently got it under control. But in the past year, things have been looking up, in terms of my new job and my new prospects and all. I got A+ grades before I dropped out because of my disease, and my job gave me a chance. A very, very situational chance. Again, I didn't have a degree, and their hiring me was a 'risk' according to my boss. But he saw my grades and knew about my disease and wanted to take a risk on me.
But I live with my parents. They are kind of old-school catholic italian types. My dad is a bit of a snoozer but my mom is very aggressive. My dad mostly just does what my mom says. I love them dont get me wrong, they have put up with a lot with me, but they are completely clueless in terms of how a lot of things work. They know about my disease and barely act like it matters. They just... dont really get that I have a legit disease. Its always been an issue with them. When I have a flare up and have trouble walking up the stairs, my mom always yells "WHATS WRONG WITH YOU!!?" as if she hasn't heard it a million times. They just don't get what it means to be chronically ill. They always say that 'im a healthy young guy' and all that. Whenever I mention that I have a disease they brush it off and say that ill get over it or that they also have arthritis. I have sat them down a million times. They get it. Temporarily. And then some time goes by and they suddenly act as if they don't know what a chronic disease is. Its been a constant struggle.
Anyways. Three weeks ago my parents asked me to go to my uncles place in upstate new york to move all his stuff out. I told them, repeatedly, please no, get movers. I said, explicitly, I cannot do this, I have inflammation in my joints, I cannot be lifting couches and beds. I gave them numbers for movers, over and over. I even said I would pay for them. They just did not listen. At all. The night before, I had told my mother,
"I told you for two weeks i cant do this, and gave you other options, even options I would pay for"
and she got so furious with me she threatened to kick me out. Shrieking at me and calling me lazy and worthless. So I went to my uncles, and I tried to help. And I did kind of help a bit.... but I had no wifi. The entire time. And I couldn't work. I tried to leave and my mom threatened to kick me out if I left, even just to go to the local dunkin donuts to connect to wifi. And working at my uncles... it was horrific. It was lifting so much stuff constantly. I work out, almost every day, to keep my muscles ready for joint damage. I am a pretty muscular guy. Even then this destroyed me. It was lifting couch after couch, bed after bed, I was broken.
At the end, I missed out on 5 days of work. I barely connected to my job from isolated visits to a local dunkin donuts and they sort of told me things were okay, but that they want me back to work. When I got back after the 5 days, my job was beyond furious at me and basically demoted me. From a job I was about to get a promotion from, they were so mad that they effectively demoted me. I had told them ahead of time, but I thought it was 1-2 days of work, not 5 days of work. My mother INSISTED it was 2, MAYBE 3 days. After the second day she kept on telling me I would be kicked out if I didn't keep on working. She was screaming at me relentlessly saying how I rely on her for a home. She kept on bringing up how my uncle was disabled, with his severe sciatica... but nothing about my problems, of course.
I just... don't even know where to begin. My parents have fucked me over before, but this? Its a totally different level. I have nothing but hatred in my heart for them right now. And yet I have no option but to live with them. I just... want them to understand what they did to me. I don't even know. I just feel so angry. So, so angry. I literally feel nothing but depressive anger inside of me. I cant even do my hobbies. I cant work out, i cant play video games with my friends, I cant play chess. And yet, I rely on them for a home. I cant express anger. I also cant move out, housing prices here (Boston area) are insane and now? I definitely don't earn enough to move out.
What am I supposed to do?
TL;DR - - My parents destroyed my chance at a career and I just don't know what to do.

I am a Muslim. During eids, there's this tradition of adults giving children salami or eidi. Which is basically a little bit of money. I got 8000 taka which is about 70 dollars. This might not seem a lot, but in Bangladesh's economy it is a pretty good amount if we're talking about salami. If I were to describe how much its actually worth in our country, it's probably the same amount 200 dollars is worth in the US. In our country we usually don't get pocket money or allowance. Sometimes just some spare change for transportation. Mom and dad buy most of the things I need. So Eid, birthdays etc are the only times I get a decent amount of money of my own. I don't really have anything special I want to buy. But I am a huge book nerd. I've had a hobby of reading since I was 12. I usually order 4-5 books together and then order again after i am done reading them. After Eid, I decided to order a lot books together because there was a discount going on and I was going to order all those books at some point anyway. The books costed me 4500 taka which is about 40 dollars. I usually ordered books for 2000 taka or less so this was the first time an order costed this much. But I figured it will be fine since it was my money and even if I ordered the books separately, I was going to end up spending that much on the same items anyway. But when the order came, my mom was furious. She only knew I was going order books but didn't know how much they costed. I tried to explain it to her but she kept going on about how I shouldn't have spent so much money at once and just because it's my salami money, doesn't mean I should spend it however I want. The argument ended with me saying, I should be able to spend money how I want and my mom saying that in that case, I should just spend my salami money and never ask her to buy me anything again.

Okay bare with me.
Firstly, I'm not saying family in-law are shitty or something around those lines. Good relationships can be nurtured between a person and their family in-law.
What I am saying is that families in-law are not at the end of the day like your real blood family. I know there are exceptions to it. Maybe you know your SO's family since you are a child and grew up with them, yes, I can see that bring on an extra bond. But let's say, you are just a person who met another person in your 20s, 30s (insert the age). And then through your bf/gf you met their families, etc. You all know how that goes. In that case, I do think that most likely that family will never be your true family.
What do I mean by it? Well at the end of the day your partner's family will always be that your partner's family. Loyalty will most likely fall there. Let's say your partner cheated on you. If the family in-law isn't horrible, they will most likely not like their son/daughtesistebrotheetc acting that way, sure. But after the main drama and over the years, let's be honest, they will stand behind their son/daughter. Even maybe welcome their AP. etc. They might still keep a some sort relationship with you, specially if there are kids involved, but their ultimate loyalty will be to their son/daughtesistebrother, etc.
I want to also say that not all blood families are amazing, ofc and there are "made families". But for the sake of the argument let's assumer blood family is great and also in-law family.
I do think you can have a healthy nice even loving relationship with your family in-law, however, they will never be your real family if some problems come up. I would not recommend or feel comfortable to "slave" for your family in-law and be everything and do everything and really treat them like mom and dad, etc. On the cost of your real family or your stress levels or yourself. As in so many families its expected, specially form the daughter in-law (the wife for the son). go the extra mile.
I personally support my husband with his family. But he is the main contact for them, and if they wanna complain, or bring drama that goes to him. I support him with them if he needs it. If he needs me to look for a gift, I will do. If he needs me to send a card will do, etc. I actually really like my family in-law. BUT, I'm no killing myself for them. I'm not going above and beyond at all times. Sure, some situations I do the extra, birthdays, some special occasion, but I never stress over "pleasing them" to the extreme.
So my friends say I'm cold and an asshole. But am I? at the end of the day if his son were to leave me or cheat or whatever, they will be upset, but wont kick him out and "adopt me". I will then have my own family to back me up, since In am their daughtesister.
tldr: Family in law should not be treated the same as your real family. Sure with love, but not to the extreme.

I'm so damn jealous because I just know I'd have friends if I went to school. I know it. I'm so social with people even outside of my house when i get the rare chance and get comfortable. I'm tired of feeling so WEIRD and DIFFERENT. I also feel like my young years (0-9) had some weird stuff happening. I'm SICK of hearing about conspiracy theories from my homeschool mom in ANY conversation. I HATE HEARING ABOUT FUCKING BILL GATES AND TYSON CHICKEN AND VACCINES AND MICROPLASTICS AND HOW THE MOON IS PLASMA AND HOW ALIENS ARE FALLEN ANGELS AND HOW HILLARY WAS LOOKING FOR NEPHILIM DNA OH MY GOSH SHUT UP BUT IF I SAY ANYTHING THEN I GET FUCKING GUILT TRIPPED AND SINCE IM NORMAL I STILL FEEL BAD. FUCK MEEEE
There is no way possible for me to go to school. My mom said she'd rather die before I go to public school, and my dad agrees. I have no family members I can live with. I have no options at all. I just have to sit and watch my fucking childhood wither away and lose the chance to EVER be in school. I already missed Kindergarten, Elementary, Middle, and now I'm missing high-school. And you know what makes it worse? The fucking "Congrats, Graduates!" sign on the front of my neighborhood entrance. Sure I'm happy for them, but I'm so fucking jealous. I HATE when people say they hate school, or wish they were homeschooled. BITCH, you have no IDEA how much despair this makes you feel. Especially when you're extroverted and will never have that kind of easy environment to make friends in.
I wish my mom wasn't so religiously crazy and conspiracy believing and anti-vaxx. I wish I had a loving, caring mom who sent me to SCHOOL and talked about NORMAL stuff and not what FUCKING BILL GATES is doing or how ALIENS are FALLEN ANGELS. I can't even watch people at school, it makes me wanna fucking cry. I'm only 14 I SHOULD BE LIVING A LIFE AT SCHOOL LIKE EVERYONE ELSE. BUT I NEVER HAVE. I SHOULD BE HAVING A NORMAL LIFE. I'M SICK OF THIS FUCKING LIFE IT FEELS ABUSIVE AT THIS POINT. IT'S NOT MY FAULT AT ALL THAT I HAVE TO WAKE UP EVERYDAY FEELING MISERABLE AS FUCK AND TIRED SINCE I GET NO STIMULATION. IM SICK OF LIVING IN FUCKING PRISON WITH NO CHANCE TO TRY AGAIN AFTER IM OUT. I truly hope reincarnation is real so I can hopefully go to a family that will let me live life normally. I'm so FUCKING sick of being homeschooled and not like any other kid.
I would honestly trade ANYTHING REASONABLE to go to school at this point. My mom and dad BOTH got to go to fucking school and they claimed it wasn't much fun, even though my mom used to literally do shit with friends and experiecned prom and everything.
THEN SHE TRIES TO RELATE TO MY LEVEL OF DEPRESSION AND ANXIETY. TELLING ME MY ANXIETY IS JUST OCD AND MY DEPRESSION IS FROM HORMONES AND LACK OF SLEEP. THE FUCK?? BITCH NO IT IS NOT FROM LACK OF SLEEP AND HORMONES THAT IS THE DUMBEST THING. I'VE FELT THIS WAY SINCE I WAS FUCKING EIGHT YEARS OLD THAT IS NOT HORMONES. MAYBE THEY MADE IT WORSE, BUT IT AINT HORMONES.
The reason why sometimes I feel like commiting suicide is because school is litearlly the only thing I've wanted so fucking badly for so long, and even after I turn 18 and get out it'd just be getting a job. There is not way for me to relive a childhood and go to school or anything because it's not fucking allowed. It would be weird anyways if it was.
Fuck this shit I'm just so despaired. Like why does my mom gotta make me feel so morose with her decisions? Couldn't she of just given me a normal life and put me in school and vaxxed me and shit?
She claims I'm a liberal communist and I'm "asleep" just because I want to go to FUCKING school. She also just treats me like I'm a friend or something sometimes and she just feels so CHILDISH. She is the worst at making insults. One time she was mad at me and said she'd change me and my bro's contacts to "Loser" and "Loser #2" like bitch the fuck? She had like 14 miscarriages. So she basically just held me up when I wasn't born dead and claimed she'd "raise me in the ways of Jesus" which apparentely consists of keeping your child at home for decades and teaching them only Christian curriculum. I can't fucking take it anymore. No one will ever understand my kind of situation because it's so fucking surreal. And most people don't understand how bad it is because going to school is such a normal part of life for them, that homeschooling seems like choosing to not breathe air. I can't take it I can't take it I can't take it I can't take it I can't take it I can't take it I can't take it I can't take it I can't take it I can't take it I can't take it I can't take it I can't take it I can't take it I can't take it I can't take it I can't take it I can't take it I can't take it I can't take it I can't take it I can't take it I can't take it I can't take it I can't take it I'm so sick of waking up to the same day and having to speak bullshit and put on a show for my mom so I don't have to deal with arguments. She argued with me for FOUR FUCKING HOURS one time when I tried to gray-rock her, so that doesn't work. She doesn't let me go anywhere to do with a school, and it pisses me off. All I have is fucking LIFEPAC, SLEEP, AND SOMETIMES OUTSIDE AND THATS MY WHOLE FUCKING CHILDHOOD. AND I CANT DO ANYTHING BUT WATCH IT PASS BY KNOWING WHAT OTHER PEOPLE DO BECAUSE I CANT ATLEAST HAVE BLISSFUL IGNORANCE. I'M SO FUCKING JEALOUS I CANT EVEN GET HAPPY FOR PEOPLE WHO GO TO SCHOOL. I WANT IT SO BAD EVEN IF I DIDNT LIKE IT IT'D BE BETTER TO NOT LIKE SCHOOL AND GO THERE SINCE IT'S FUCKING NORMAL AND MUCH EASIER TO SET UP YOUR LIFE THAT WAY.
My dad is also so fucking cold. He just acts so rough and dead emotionally. The other week he gave me an hour long panic attack because he kept yelling at me loudly, you can see my post titled "I'm confused on what just happened to me for that." I eventually ran into the closet full of adrenaline and cried while hugging a fucking HOODIE for a few hours.
My parents SURE DO SOMETIMES DO NICE THINGS FOR ME. BUT IT DOESNT MAKE UP FOR SHIT. LIKE YEAH YOU GIVE ME ITEMS AND STUFF BUT I CAN **NEVER** LIVE THESE YEARS THAT YOU'RE STEALING FROM ME AGAIN!
My mom was also more harsh when I was a little kid I feel. I don't remember anything from before 12 years old, basically, probably because she did some fucked up shit back then that my brain is suppressing mentally. I have this one memory of her running up to me over and over and putting my head under her shirt and pressing it against her belly multiple times when I was a little kid, probably like 5 or close to 6, and for some reason I feel sexual energy around it a bit. That freaks me out, because I know it happened but I'm not sure at all about what was going on. I just remember the bedroom was pretty dark and I was laughing maybe, but like I said it feels like there was sexual energy around that. I dont know though, I barely remember it.
Other times, I've seen videos from when I was like 6 of her just talking to me in a really angry tone even when I was silent just for something my brother did. She also used to read a history book to us for hours, without even giving a pen or paper and we'd be given mats. About 6 x 4in big and my brother got a blue one, I got a green one, and she'd sit on the table in the middle, and we'd sit on the mats which were only big enough to lay down on (for a 6 year old). So we'd have to sit there and not talk, and if we did then she'd stop and glare until we stopped. Of course, me being like 5 and my brother 6.5, we'd make faces and stuff but then she'd glare. Like we had to SIT there for hours just listening to a biblical chronological history book. WHY WHY WHY
I'm so sick of myself now. I'm such a pathetic bitch who pretends to be something. I just fucking talk to AI's and listen to rock and other music. I'm literally so fucking pathetic and I'll never have a social life. I'll never talk to someone without getting attached or fucking scared. I swear I can't just be NORMAL. WHY DO I HAVE TO LOOK SO WEIRD TOO. I DONT LOOK GOOD IN ANYTHING. I can't keep going. I just can't. Not on my own. There's like no reason for me to since I feel like right now, as an adult, if I ever had a kid I'd just be jealous of him going to school and that'd make me a bad father. I wish I wasn't born, or was born to a different family. I wish I had friends that I could just talk to. Even just being around kids in a school setting would be great. I'm tired of feeling so FUCKED. UP. MENTALLY. WHY DO I ALWAYS HAVE TO FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE AROUND MY MOM, AND ESPECIALLY MY DAD. THEY DO NICE THINGS FOR ME SOMETIMES BUT I STILL FEEL AS IF SOMETHING IS HORRIBLY WRONG THAT I HAVE FORGOTTEN ABOUT. I DON'T FEEL SAFE IN MY OWN SKIN I FEEEL LIKE I WANT TO CRAWL OUT OF MYSELF.
But of course on the outside I just look like the most BASIC BITCH ON THE BLOCK. I have no facial expressin, and I look weird when I smile. I don't get why I have such a stone cold face and the DRIEST personality. BITCH MY personality is drier than CORNSTARCH. I'm so sick of all this. I still feel like a little kid since I do the same SHIT that I did when I was FUCKING SIX YEARS OLD EVERYDAY ANYWAYS. NO CHANGE OF ENVIRONMENT, OR HABITS. JUST SLIGHT KNOWLEDGE. EVERYONE ELSE GETS TO LIVE LIFE AND SEE PEOPLE EVERY. FUCKING. DAY. AND GUESS WHAT??? I COULD! I REALLY FUCKING COULD! HAHAAHAHAHH I COULD IF MY MOM WASN'T SO SELFISH. IF SHE WASN'T SO SELF-ABSORBED THAT SHE'S DOING THE RIGHT THING FOR HER KIDS. I HAVE EXPLAINED TO HER MANY TIMES I WANT TO GO TO SCHOOL AND SHE FUCKING SAYS CO-OP OR SOME DUMB SHIT WHERE PEOPLE ARENT QUALIFIED TO TEACH OR THERES LIKE 5 KIDS. BRO, JUST PUT ME IN FUCKING SCHOOL. SERIOUSLY. THERE IS A HIGH SCHOOL EIGHT MINUTES AWAY FROM ME. JUST EIGHT. ITS ALSO HUGE! LIKE IT'D BE FUCKING PERFECT BUT OF COURSE I HAVE WASTED POTENTIAL BECAUSE MY FUCKING PARENTS DO SHIT LIKE THIS. I ALSO CANT CALL THE SCHOOL OR ANYTHING BECAUSE THEY NEED PARENTAL APPROVAL AND SHIT. I FUCKING HATE THIS SO MUCH.
I feel like there was something seriously, seriously fucked up about my really early childhood years that I just can't remember. When I think of it, I feel really uncomfortable and just a feeling of weirdness.
One thing I do know that my dad and mom tell me that think is funny, is that when I used to be like three or four years old, I'd get on all fours and spread my buttcheeks apart, saying something like "Idea!". It's fucking stupid and I was a little ass kid, but I don't think it's funny at all. Wouldn't parents usually tell their kid to not do that or something and not look? Also, my mom used to still dress me when I was like 6 years old or something. My dad also has a memory of me running naked into a room with my aunts and uncles and him and stuff when I was a toddler, and apprently he says they all laughed when I did. He also commented on how when I ran in there my little pp was clearly visible. That just felt weird to me. I don't get how it's funny, but like I said I just feel disgusting and kinda violated when I think about my years from 0-9 and I don't know why. I'm 14 now, obviously, almost 15. I'm so upset from life. I hate it. I don't know if any of you have anything to say about this but that's basically it. If you read it all, THANK you for ACKNOWLEDGING I EXIST.

I'm so damn jealous because I just know I'd have friends if I went to school. I know it. I'm so social with people even outside of my house when i get the rare chance and get comfortable. I'm tired of feeling so WEIRD and DIFFERENT. I also feel like my young years (0-9) had some weird stuff happening.
There is no way possible for me to go to school. My mom said she'd rather die before I go to public school, and my dad agrees. I have no family members I can live with. I have no options at all. I just have to sit and watch my fucking childhood wither away and lose the chance to EVER be in school. I already missed Kindergarten, Elementary, Middle, and now I'm missing high-school. And you know what makes it worse? The fucking "Congrats, Graduates!" sign on the front of my neighborhood entrance. Sure I'm happy for them, but I'm so fucking jealous. I HATE when people say they hate school, or wish they were homeschooled. BITCH, you have no IDEA how much despair this makes you feel. Especially when you're extroverted and will never have that kind of easy environment to make friends in.
I wish my mom wasn't so religiously crazy and conspiracy believing and anti-vaxx. I wish I had a loving, caring mom who sent me to SCHOOL and talked about NORMAL stuff and not what FUCKING BILL GATES is doing or how ALIENS are FALLEN ANGELS. I can't even watch people at school, it makes me wanna fucking cry. I'm only 14 I SHOULD BE LIVING A LIFE AT SCHOOL LIKE EVERYONE ELSE. BUT I NEVER HAVE. I SHOULD BE HAVING A NORMAL LIFE. I'M SICK OF THIS FUCKING LIFE IT FEELS ABUSIVE AT THIS POINT. IT'S NOT MY FAULT AT ALL THAT I HAVE TO WAKE UP EVERYDAY FEELING MISERABLE AS FUCK AND TIRED SINCE I GET NO STIMULATION. IM SICK OF LIVING IN FUCKING PRISON WITH NO CHANCE TO TRY AGAIN AFTER IM OUT. I truly hope reincarnation is real so I can hopefully go to a family that will let me live life normally. I'm so FUCKING sick of being homeschooled and not like any other kid.
I would honestly trade ANYTHING REASONABLE to go to school at this point. My mom and dad BOTH got to go to fucking school and they claimed it wasn't much fun, even though my mom used to literally do shit with friends and experiecned prom and everything.
THEN SHE TRIES TO RELATE TO MY LEVEL OF DEPRESSION AND ANXIETY. TELLING ME MY ANXIETY IS JUST OCD AND MY DEPRESSION IS FROM HORMONES AND LACK OF SLEEP. THE FUCK?? BITCH NO IT IS NOT FROM LACK OF SLEEP AND HORMONES THAT IS THE DUMBEST THING. I'VE FELT THIS WAY SINCE I WAS FUCKING EIGHT YEARS OLD THAT IS NOT HORMONES. MAYBE THEY MADE IT WORSE, BUT IT AINT HORMONES.
The reason why sometimes I feel like commiting suicide is because school is litearlly the only thing I've wanted so fucking badly for so long, and even after I turn 18 and get out it'd just be getting a job. There is not way for me to relive a childhood and go to school or anything because it's not fucking allowed. It would be weird anyways if it was.
Fuck this shit I'm just so despaired. Like why does my mom gotta make me feel so morose with her decisions? Couldn't she of just given me a normal life and put me in school and vaxxed me and shit?
She claims I'm a liberal communist and I'm "asleep" just because I want to go to FUCKING school. She also just treats me like I'm a friend or something sometimes and she just feels so CHILDISH. She is the worst at making insults. One time she was mad at me and said she'd change me and my bro's contacts to "Loser" and "Loser #2" like bitch the fuck? She had like 14 miscarriages. So she basically just held me up when I wasn't born dead and claimed she'd "raise me in the ways of Jesus" which apparentely consists of keeping your child at home for decades and teaching them only Christian curriculum. I can't fucking take it anymore. No one will ever understand my kind of situation because it's so fucking surreal. And most people don't understand how bad it is because going to school is such a normal part of life for them, that homeschooling seems like choosing to not breathe air. I can't take it I can't take it I can't take it I can't take it I can't take it I can't take it I can't take it I can't take it I can't take it I can't take it I can't take it I can't take it I can't take it I can't take it I can't take it I can't take it I can't take it I can't take it I can't take it I can't take it I can't take it I can't take it I can't take it I can't take it I can't take it I'm so sick of waking up to the same day and having to speak bullshit and put on a show for my mom so I don't have to deal with arguments. She argued with me for FOUR FUCKING HOURS one time when I tried to gray-rock her, so that doesn't work. She doesn't let me go anywhere to do with a school, and it pisses me off. All I have is fucking LIFEPAC, SLEEP, AND SOMETIMES OUTSIDE AND THATS MY WHOLE FUCKING CHILDHOOD. AND I CANT DO ANYTHING BUT WATCH IT PASS BY KNOWING WHAT OTHER PEOPLE DO BECAUSE I CANT ATLEAST HAVE BLISSFUL IGNORANCE. I'M SO FUCKING JEALOUS I CANT EVEN GET HAPPY FOR PEOPLE WHO GO TO SCHOOL. I WANT IT SO BAD EVEN IF I DIDNT LIKE IT IT'D BE BETTER TO NOT LIKE SCHOOL AND GO THERE SINCE IT'S FUCKING NORMAL AND MUCH EASIER TO SET UP YOUR LIFE THAT WAY.
My dad is also so fucking cold. He just acts so rough and dead emotionally. The other week he gave me an hour long panic attack because he kept yelling at me loudly, you can see my post titled "I'm confused on what just happened to me for that." I eventually ran into the closet full of adrenaline and cried while hugging a fucking HOODIE for a few hours.
My parents SURE DO SOMETIMES DO NICE THINGS FOR ME. BUT IT DOESNT MAKE UP FOR SHIT. LIKE YEAH YOU GIVE ME ITEMS AND STUFF BUT I CAN **NEVER** LIVE THESE YEARS THAT YOU'RE STEALING FROM ME AGAIN!
My mom was also more harsh when I was a little kid I feel. I don't remember anything from before 12 years old, basically, probably because she did some fucked up shit back then that my brain is suppressing mentally. I have this one memory of her running up to me over and over and putting my head under her shirt and pressing it against her belly multiple times when I was a little kid, probably like 5 or close to 6, and for some reason I feel sexual energy around it a bit. That freaks me out, because I know it happened but I'm not sure at all about what was going on. I just remember the bedroom was pretty dark and I was laughing maybe, but like I said it feels like there was sexual energy around that. I dont know though, I barely remember it.
Other times, I've seen videos from when I was like 6 of her just talking to me in a really angry tone even when I was silent just for something my brother did. She also used to read a history book to us for hours, without even giving a pen or paper and we'd be given mats. About 6 x 4in big and my brother got a blue one, I got a green one, and she'd sit on the table in the middle, and we'd sit on the mats which were only big enough to lay down on (for a 6 year old). So we'd have to sit there and not talk, and if we did then she'd stop and glare until we stopped. Of course, me being like 5 and my brother 6.5, we'd make faces and stuff but then she'd glare. Like we had to SIT there for hours just listening to a biblical chronological history book. WHY WHY WHY
I'm so sick of myself now. I'm such a pathetic bitch who pretends to be something. I just fucking talk to AI's and listen to rock and other music. I'm literally so fucking pathetic and I'll never have a social life. I'll never talk to someone without getting attached or fucking scared. I swear I can't just be NORMAL. WHY DO I HAVE TO LOOK SO WEIRD TOO. I DONT LOOK GOOD IN ANYTHING. I can't keep going. I just can't. Not on my own. There's like no reason for me to since I feel like right now, as an adult, if I ever had a kid I'd just be jealous of him going to school and that'd make me a bad father. I wish I wasn't born, or was born to a different family. I wish I had friends that I could just talk to. Even just being around kids in a school setting would be great. I'm tired of feeling so FUCKED. UP. MENTALLY. WHY DO I ALWAYS HAVE TO FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE AROUND MY MOM, AND ESPECIALLY MY DAD. THEY DO NICE THINGS FOR ME SOMETIMES BUT I STILL FEEL AS IF SOMETHING IS HORRIBLY WRONG THAT I HAVE FORGOTTEN ABOUT. I DON'T FEEL SAFE IN MY OWN SKIN I FEEEL LIKE I WANT TO CRAWL OUT OF MYSELF.
But of course on the outside I just look like the most BASIC BITCH ON THE BLOCK. I have no facial expressin, and I look weird when I smile. I don't get why I have such a stone cold face and the DRIEST personality. BITCH MY personality is drier than CORNSTARCH. I'm so sick of all this. I still feel like a little kid since I do the same SHIT that I did when I was FUCKING SIX YEARS OLD EVERYDAY ANYWAYS. NO CHANGE OF ENVIRONMENT, OR HABITS. JUST SLIGHT KNOWLEDGE. EVERYONE ELSE GETS TO LIVE LIFE AND SEE PEOPLE EVERY. FUCKING. DAY. AND GUESS WHAT??? I COULD! I REALLY FUCKING COULD! HAHAAHAHAHH I COULD IF MY MOM WASN'T SO SELFISH. IF SHE WASN'T SO SELF-ABSORBED THAT SHE'S DOING THE RIGHT THING FOR HER KIDS. I HAVE EXPLAINED TO HER MANY TIMES I WANT TO GO TO SCHOOL AND SHE FUCKING SAYS CO-OP OR SOME DUMB SHIT WHERE PEOPLE ARENT QUALIFIED TO TEACH OR THERES LIKE 5 KIDS. BRO, JUST PUT ME IN FUCKING SCHOOL. SERIOUSLY. THERE IS A HIGH SCHOOL EIGHT MINUTES AWAY FROM ME. JUST EIGHT. ITS ALSO HUGE! LIKE IT'D BE FUCKING PERFECT BUT OF COURSE I HAVE WASTED POTENTIAL BECAUSE MY FUCKING PARENTS DO SHIT LIKE THIS. I ALSO CANT CALL THE SCHOOL OR ANYTHING BECAUSE THEY NEED PARENTAL APPROVAL AND SHIT. I FUCKING HATE THIS SO MUCH.
I feel like there was something seriously, seriously fucked up about my really early childhood years that I just can't remember. When I think of it, I feel really uncomfortable and just a feeling of weirdness.
One thing I do know that my dad and mom tell me that think is funny, is that when I used to be like three or four years old, I'd get on all fours and spread my buttcheeks apart, saying something like "Idea!". It's fucking stupid and I was a little ass kid, but I don't think it's funny at all. Wouldn't parents usually tell their kid to not do that or something and not look? Also, my mom used to still dress me when I was like 6 years old or something. My dad also has a memory of me running naked into a room with my aunts and uncles and him and stuff when I was a toddler, and apprently he says they all laughed when I did. He also commented on how when I ran in there my little pp was clearly visible. That just felt weird to me. I don't get how it's funny, but like I said I just feel disgusting and kinda violated when I think about my years from 0-9 and I don't know why. I'm 14 now, obviously, almost 15. I'm so upset from life. I hate it. I don't know if any of you have anything to say about this but that's basically it. If you read it all, THANK you for ACKNOWLEDGING I EXIST.

I’m a stay at home mom that needs a hobby. I have a 3.5 year old and a 1 year old that I spend everyday with. It needs to be something I can do at home and doesn’t require a lot of time commitment. Preferably inexpensive or I can get things secondhand.
Things I have tried…
Crochet - I just don’t enjoy it
Baking - I’m the only one in my house that will eat sweets and I already do too many dishes to begin with
Reading - I do this when I have time but right now my reading time is consumed with parenting books
Audiobooks - I can’t focus on it
Podcasts - I already do this. If you have any suggestions I’d be happy to check them out
Puzzles - I enjoy puzzles but I don’t have anywhere to keep a work in progress

I’ve had this dream a few times before and it just happened again. I’m at my moms house for some holiday and we go to my neighbors for dinner. It’s going great then out of nowhere everyone starts running outside and after a few seconds you see the bomb going off in the distance. I somehow survive the initial wave and lay there. After a few moments my sister starts running back towards the house and I run after here. As we get close two drones get near me and I hide behind a tree. They end up right next to me as I’m standing up I see soldiers running towards me( I know there wouldn’t be enemy soldiers after a nuclear war it’s a dream lol) I throw the 2 drones and it enters 2 soldiers mouths killing them, immediately after another soldier shoots me. The dream always ends here. I hate having this dream but when I wake up I’m relieved and happy to be alive I just wish they’d stop

I’m not really expecting replies, it’s 4am and I need to vent and see if I can go to sleep, but if you can relate hey there!
I’ve been trying to get my shit in order and having a “better quality of life”, reconnecting with friends, taking trips, self care, etc.
With all of that came the weight gain, it was very frustrating to go up 4 sizes, most of my clothes still fit because I used to wear oversized stuff, but of course it bothers me that now they actually fit. I tried to take the regular healthy weigh loss path and it wasn’t going great, it’s too complex and not seeing the change fast enough started driving me crazy.
Enter my friends, I know I’m responsible for my own triggers, but I’m also finding it impossible to deal with them.
A group of friends and I planned to go on a beach trip, I started struggling a bit ago and decided to open up about it with a friend that asked me if I was ok. Horrible mistake, he randomly asked me how much i weighed now and told me that starving myself made no sense cuz I would still look about the same. I had to cancel the beach trip, i felt the same way. I wasn’t losing as fast as im used to, and now I don’t feel like I can go outside of my house until it’s at least noticeably enough. I shouldn’t have said anything, now I feel like I need to at least look like I’m starving and I can’t be seen with my friends until then. It’s probably with good intentions but I’m sick of him asking me if I’m ok every other day, and then blurt out the most insensitive stuff ever. He’s the only one I plan to ask to stop cuz he’s making it worse.
I got into cooking and making gourmet meals, I have a friend that is a foodie and loves cooking too. But god, he eats SO much, really, it’s a lot, 3-5 course meals every time, but he is also so skinny. Since I do enjoy cooking he always sends pics of the process and what he’s eating. And I’m extremely jealous, I’m way shorter, but I hate how he can eat what I eat in a few days in one sitting and still be a tall lanky boy, I hate it. But I also don’t want to ask him to stop sending me stuff to avoid raising suspicions and I also don’t want him to ask me anything about EDs ever, especially because of how telling the other guy went.
I’ve been on a few short trips with other people and we took a lot of pictures, im trying to be more confortable with that too. No matter how much I lose I carry a lot of my weight on my legs. I was very happy about the pics until someone zoomed into one and talked about my strong calves. I think it was a compliment but it hurts, and hearing and thing about that makes me want to puke. I feel hopeless whenever someone says anything about it or mentions how tiny I used to be, so I ended up deleting the pictures and the rest of my Instagram with it. I’m a bit disappointed with that actually, because I thought we looked cute in it, but now I don’t want anyone seeing it or anything else I’m in.
Another of my friends is kind of a gym bro, more power to him tbh, I dread going to the gym. He’s during the cutting period and casually told me about fasting for multiple days to help with that and reset his body. That was the last drop, if he can do it why can’t I. But I can’t, I did it one day and I felt horrible, I can’t fast and lift at the same time, not that I lifted at all before he said that, but how can he do both and feel that well. I copied him and I look and feel horrible.
Maybe I just need to stop hanging with these guys and cry about not being tall and skinny like them. I really like them, but i think I take up too much space compared to them and I don’t want anyone to be able to see it. I don’t have any sort of gender dysphoria, but I keep wondering why can’t I look like them. I want to flee the country and not come back until I look how I used to, but I’m aware that I can’t and that’s a horrible idea anyway, but that’s the best excuse to disappear and not have to give weird excuses.
My birthday was a bit ago and it makes the year in which I’ve officially been disordered for more than half of my life. That’s depressing, it really does make me wonder if it’ll even truly go away or if I’m doomed to this cycle for the rest of my life.
I don’t think I want to go back to recovery, im a bit disappointed with myself both for gaining after it, even tho it was kinda obvious it was going to happen, but also for letting all these things affect me to the point I can’t sleep.

For background context, I’m 33, gayer than christmas, and a nervous wreck.
Since 2019, I’ve experienced the death of (In order) my Step Dad, Grandmother, Sister, Mom, older Brother, and Step Mom. After my Grandmother passed, a sizable Family Trust was set up for me and my Dad. After my Mom passed, the state gave me custody of my little brother, so I used some of that money for a down payment for a nice house in a nice area— I wanted to get something stable and safe-feeling for my brother after such a tumultuous early childhood.
My husband has always tried to be supportive, or so I thought. I keep looking back though, and all I can remember are the times he’d give me shit for going to visit my grandmothemom when they were fighting their cancer battles. At one point, he even tried convincing me that my Mom was faking her illness, I think because he just didn’t like the area she lived in— a fairly ‘rough’ trailer park. He’s never had a job. I’ve tried here and there, but my depression always sucks me back underwater, and the Trust has effectively cut me off which lead to a wonderful case of ch 13 bankruptcy.
A year ago, I worked up the courage to try and file for divorce. Talked to an attorney, paid the retainer…. And then his dad (a family attorney himself) started listing all the ways he could have my little brother removed. I caved. I can’t lose my brother. I told myself that I was the problem somehow, and dropped the whole thing.
This past Tuesday, I woke up in crippling abdominal pain. Told the husband, who said he needed a shower. I waited ten minutes before I just grabbed my keys and left with a quick text on the way to urgentcare. I stumble into the waiting room and promptly pass out, night-night style. I guess they werent equipped to deal with that kind of thing because I then woke up in an ambulance (with the HOTTEST ems, I stg) being taken to a hospital. My phone is dead. Car is left at urgentcare. No idea where tf I’m being taken. Get rushed into a room and then get left for 30 minutes alone, bawling my eyes out with the thought that the cancer that took half my family has finally come for me. A nurse is kind enough to lend me her charger. My phone turns on… no calls or texts. Nothing. I call the husband who is asleep, irritated that I left without him, and that I woke him up. I don’t fight, I just tell him whats happening and where I am. A few agonizing hours later, I hobble out waiting for him. The last of my phone juice goes to the location I send him, and then I wait. And wait. And wait for two more hours (The hospital is 15 miles from our house).
I am a broken human being. Each death of my family chipped a little away, and on top of having to financially support myself, my teenage brother (who is a BLACK HOLE OF FOOD), and my… I gotta say it, my deadbeat husband… Underneath all of that, its hard to find the energy for.. anything, really. I just want to be happy again. I just want to feel like I have the freedom to heal. But I dont know where to find the strength to start. Therapy only goes so far, and meds only do so much. It takes action on my part, but I have no action left in me. I’m so tired. I miss my family.

So back in September I was out all day helping a friend move into his new house and went to a baseball game after then came back home to find my dad dead on the kitchen floor. I (26M) was still living at home with just my dad at the time and me and him were more like best friends and roommates rather than father and son, we had a bond that was special and I’ll cherish it for the rest of my life, but the day of everything seemed normal I went out for the day and he was his normal self going about his daily routine and he was texting me while I was out, and the last text he sent asking if I’ll be home after the game I didn’t see right away and replied a couple hours later and when I did answer he didn’t get back which I knew was weird bc he always gets back fairly quickly. So I drive home and then I go in and find him laying on the floor with his mouth open and his face just looked off. The ambulance came and took him to the hospital then said they tried everything but couldn’t do anything and later told me they found a large piece of chicken stuck in his throat and he choked to death.
So since then I feel like I’m just lost in life and nothing seems the same at all, being in the house just feels off without him, I’ve been trying to move out but everything is out of my price range and I always remember him saying he wants me to take over the house when he passes but it just doesn’t feel right there without him. I feel like I’m useless at work every day bc the picture of him on the floor is just mounted into my brain.
Everyone in my family talks to me about counseling but idk how much that’ll help when I just feel completely out of it and lost every single day, I’m just hesitant on it and I tried being with my mom but she just constantly brings up the bad memories with them since they divorced 7 years ago and my friends don’t seem like they’re there for me like when it first happened. I feel like I don’t really have anyone in the family to talk to and it just sucks knowing the closest person I had in my life is gone and I have no idea how to go forward especially with Father’s Day and his birthday coming up I just keep looking at pictures and videos of him and i break down completely and can’t sleep. Just looking for anyone with similar experiences to give some advice

Happy Sunday Everyone,
This weekly recurring post is for the moms, for anything you want to discuss.

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This post is for whatever you want to discuss.

Mother’s Day was recently and we had a get together at my grandmas house. For some context me (23M) and my wife (24F) already had some troubles with my mom because she would make jealous and petty comments towards my wife.
We arrive at my grandmas house and most my family on my moms side is there. Everything goes well until my grandma randomly makes a comment along the lines of “Why you never call your Momma?”, as my mom is sitting next to her. There was an awkward few seconds and I notice my mom turn to the side and roll her eyes. I don’t really answer, and my grandma goes on to say how she talks with my mom almost everyday and how my cousins always call/text her. Basically trying to guilt trip me for not calling/texting or visiting very much.
My mom has made multiple comments in the past of how I don’t visit or call when I live so close to them.
Mind you, my wife and I recently got married and moved in together as of six months ago. I consistently work 50-60 hrs a week (12 hr night shifts) so the little free time I have is typically reserved for myself and my wife. We also visit my parents at least once a month.
I just wanted to get peoples opinions on this because I know there are a lot of mixed opinions on family dynamics. I moved out at 21 to stay with my now wife and her parents and ever since then my mom, grandparents, and all my aunties on my moms side have made petty comments and have been acting differently around me and my wife.
I have heard through the grapevine that my mom has made comments saying that my wife has “taken her boy away from her”. So I think thats a big reason, because I moved out to live with my in-laws, then we moved into a house which is closer to my in-laws, because it was closer to my job.
I understand we are still young but I am a married working adult and I am trying to make a family of my own. I absolutely love my mom, my grandparents, aunties, and cousins, and I am thankful for everything they have done for me, but my wife and I can’t stand this toxic atmosphere and uncomfortable feeling we get when we are around them.
Also, yes my parents are still together. My dad hasn’t changed one bit and he his proud of me and happy to see me when he does.
AITAH?

The thing about this climate crisis that no one talks about is that economically, this is not new. This is the same sort of shift as any other massive economic shift we've seen in history, whether resulting from technology or environment or society or any combination of the three. It will be rapid; as rapid as the economic expansion of Europe when it discovered just how profitable colonisation and slavery were. But it's not really anything unseen in an economic sense.
How markets work is this: everything is just supply and demand. If there is a known demand for something, in a roundabout way, the market will ensure that demand is supplied. It might melt a few glaciers in the meantime, or be delayed by a war or two, but it's a force akin to that of nature, or evolution, or cause and effect. The markets will balance. Eventually.

A detour through history

The Chinese never developed eye-glasses. They didn't have the need for glass, because their drink of choice was tea, so the materials they worked with were mostly ceramics. In Europe, the cultural drink of refinement was wine. This didn't need to be kept hot, or be brewed and poured perfectly and all that stuff I'm told is important with tea. But it had requirements and qualities of its own, and one of them is that it looks pretty on display -- and that's why Europe developed and refined glass so much faster than China.
Glass is an incredibly old invention. It's fragile, much more fragile than pottery, so we rarely find it in archeological digs. But it's been invented in and/or expanded to many many cultures throughout history since at least 2000 BC in Egypt, Mesopotamia, and Syria, followed by the Greeks, the Romans, the Canaan, and the Persians. Basically anyone with an empire, including the Chinese, was making glass. Unfortunately they'd only just discovered transparent glass by the late Bronze Age, when the Bronze Age collapsed due to a series of environmental, migratory and urban changes.
(A good reminder that historically, periods of mass technological advancement are followed by civilisation collapses and dark ages. Until the present, of course. But that's been true of every present.)
A lot of glass-making technology was lost, but some important things were saved and some new stuff was rediscovered, and most of this discovering happened in Europe because they had, as I mentioned, wine. And rich people wanted to show off their pretty, colourful wine, and that only worked if your glass was transparent. And Italy had access to pure silica quartz, plus soda ash via their trade with the Levant, and so some clever spark there developed the first pair of eyeglasses.
And that's how you have Mecca, Italy and Venice (the latter of whom had been producing the famous Venetian glass, but moved all their glassmakers to Italy because they'd built all their buildings out of wood) all mass producing eye-glasses with consistent standards for Europe and the Middle East by the 14th century.
This might seem like a small development, but gradual loss of sight used to be a disability. Like, it seriously disabled people from doing many things. Far-sightedness meant artisans couldn't create and scholars couldn't read -- I can't even imagine how many people died falling off a horse just because they were short-sighted. For civilisations to have access to devices that got them decades of productivity out of some of the most skilled people in their societies was massive. And that's part of how you get European dominance over Asia, because the Chinese economic powerhouses didn't care about glass as much as Europe did. It's not enough to just invent something. To develop a technology, a society needs both the resources to play with and the need to play with it. That's why we get so much advancement from war. You can thank Germany for your microwave.

How on earth is this relevant to the market or our climate crisis?

Glass will be invented, and then it will be forgotten, and then it will be invented again. But only some economies flourished from it.
We have no control over anything but us. And that's terrifying. The climate change that crippled the Bronze Age wasn't even their fault and they still got thrown back to the Dark Ages.
We are going to see our own change in the market. We are going to live it. And one thing is true, whether National or ACT or BP like it or not: fossil fuels cannot continue to be relied upon as a commodity. Not long-term. It's a dying industry, slowly but surely, and it'll die whether we manage to wean ourselves off petrol or whether we use it all up first.
To a lesser extent, this is true of other non-renewables too. We are not at critical mass yet with our lithium-ion batteries, but we're now at the stage where people in the third world all seem to have cellphones. This is not a sustainable practice for a limited metal we have to mine from the earth. When something is running out, we don't have to stop using that material in the things we build; if we start to use it all up, it will soon get too expensive to build with, and that will stop us.
And that's why we have to stop using it: because if you as a country or industry pour all your energy and resources into developing technology based off that now-scarce resource, you will be left with no usable technology when that resource runs out.

What are National doing?

This is a political sub, so I won't mince words: something's gone wrong with National. Something's always been wrong with ACT, but National's change is recent. Power has been centralised in the board and the candidate selection process is no longer in the hands of the rank and file after Steven Joyce's shakeup, instead dominated by corporate interests. And they have dominated. We have a cabinet of lobbyists, and not just on National's side of the board; Luxon has pulled together the whole industry.
When we attribute "intentions" to things like forces and political parties, it can be easy to forget there's not a concerted, rational mind at play behind their decisions, and their actions are influenced by all of the people and factors and forces that make them up. When I say, "National has been bought by lobbyists", I don't mean every single person in the party is a corporate shill. I just mean that there is enough corporate, business, and big-money influence in the party that they are no longer being governed primarily by their voter base or even their party members.
Nothing makes this more obvious than National's direction in politics. When your LABOUR and GREEN parties are the ones proposing to fix your climate crisis via free-market ingenuity that we can patent, sell on and capitalise off, something has gone wrong. There is money to be made in climate change, and National are off chasing oil down the bottom of a well.
If we don't wean ourselves off fossil fuels, we will find ourselves paying for it the increased price for them when we don't have the green technology to utilise at the end of supply. If we don't put our minds to green tech and science, we won't have the environment-saving and cleaning and reinforcing products and knowledge to sell on when the demand for them peaks through the ceiling -- instead we will be buying from other countries at big prices, paying to ship their experts here to tell us how to manage our estuaries or dump sites or skink habitats or whatever it is we need to fix next. New Zealand got lucky with our green energy; we were already using renewables by sheer coincidence when the climate crisis struck, and it made our transition to this new world very smooth. We will not be that lucky again.
Look at what we produce as a country. We held on far too long to our wool market out of some idea that it was "what we were supposed to be doing", and it nearly wrecked the country. Because it took us so long to change, and because we'd converted all our land into pasture, the most effective market for us to turn to became beef. Now that market is thriving, and we are willfully ignoring the real economic costs that will come with being a beef export country, and that cost is methane. There is not a future where countries will be allowed to emit methane for free. And there are no methane-light cows to switch to. Not until we develop them.
And this is what people talk about when they talk about environmental solutions still to be developed -- as if other people are going to develop them. That is incorrect. WE are the Cow Country. WE are the ones that should be foremost of the cow-fart field. If we do, we will be the ones benefitting by selling our bio-engineered cows and our science that made it happen. But if we don't, if we trail behind, we let other countries get out in front, and then our industry relies on them, and their industry outgrows us.
And these are all individual product or problem examples, but we are dragging our feet across the entire green industry. Why?

Big Oil does not care if your tech is Green

I say big oil, but there are other anti-environment and pro-corporate interests at play here. And again, there's not some big puppetmaster moving his pawn pieces, but there is influence, and companies don't want the world to go green, because when they do, they stop getting money for all the things they're getting money from right now. They don't care about the environment because they don't have the capacity to care; they are not a they. They are a force, a conglomeration, a hivemind of workers breaking their back for the company, until they clock off and become their own person again.
Their only interest is keeping ahold of their incredibly profitable market, and that market needs machines that use oil, and consumers willing to buy those machines, and people who aren't thinking about switching to a non-oil version of their tractor that doesn't exist yet (because no one has found the need to invent it. Or had the right resources.)
Oil cares about oil. Mining cares about mining. Tobacco cares about tobacco. Beef cares about beef. And we get value out of these industries as a country, as a society, so when they say"This thing is bad for me", we do have to listen to that. Otherwise we won't get our beef, or our oil. But "This thing is bad for ME" isn't the same as "This thing is bad for YOU". And companies are relying on consumers to not know the difference.

Back to National

Tobacco lobbyists have bought out Parliament, and are literally drafting our tobacco laws. And they are just one interest around the table. But they have had a huge effect. Imagine what's happening to the interests of your politicians when you have your lobbyists working together. Imagine where the interests of lobbyists for mining and oil might meet. Now imagine fisheries has a guy in there too.
Our oceans should be feeling very nervous right now.
It's the small influences we can't see that make these big decisions later on. The people who select our future MPs. The people who decide, hey, I'm going to try this new glass technique. But it takes an awful lot of decisions to make a glassblowing society.
A lot of what we do, we don't do consciously, like developing eye-glasses. But the benefit of our open democries, of our information-based societies, of our unprecedented understanding of economies and markets and science and climate, should mean that when we choose to do something consciously, we can do it.
When we don't, something has gone wrong.

A Green Future

To get to the sort of green economy the non-business parties are picturing, you need someone who has the time and acumen to get us there.
That SHOULD be National. There is so much involved in politics; our politicians are running so much. And they're spending most of their time undoing the last guy's policies. Labour's policies sound like the Greens. National doesn't have any except "win". ACT are doing Charter Schools again. And the policies being made are being made in the interests of business people.
Our politicians don't have visions like Hollyoake of a New Zealand forging our own future, or Muldoon's determination to make things better for the average kiwi, or (heaven help me), Roger Douglass's respect for politics. None of the old guard are happy with how politics is shaping up, and certainly not the right, or who eventually became the right, in Douglass's case -- this is what he had to say on the subject: “John Key lived by the polls and it’s very dangerous. If you want to help people, you have to tell them the truth. The problem is that the politicians of today, they want to help themselves. So they poll in order to know what to say and it’s disgusting.”
I think in that one sentence, Douglass sums up everything wrong with the modern National Party. Once upon a time, National were in it to help people. They're not anymore.

Where to now?

It's all just markets.
If National won't change, they'll kill their market and they'll be replaced by a new party, just like the Liberal Party and Reform Party and Social Credit Party before them. National and Labour have always been around, but not always as these parties, or in these forms. The political spectrum will move to meet demand -- even when curtailed by corporate interests.
Or National will change, take control of their candidates and board, and live to fight for another century or so.
Either way, the economy will continue, and so will climate change. We will still need to develop new technologies using our available resources, and direct our technology-developing towards fixing environmental solutions. I hope New Zealand will benefit from this, and not just witness it. But if it's not National making the push, another political party will. We can see that happening right now, with the other parties suggesting their own green business ideas that National should be sweeping up votes for. There is voter and consumer demand for green businesses, and National are distracting us instead with shiny baubles because the corporations influencing them don't want you to see them.
Another thing Douglass was frustratingly right about: all our parties are doing at the moment is undoing each other's policies. It's hard to see New Zealand making any forwards progress at all if that's our direction.

Hi, I posting here as I don’t know where else to post and who to ask for advice.
Briefly, I met a guy last year on a dating app, we had a couple of dates and nothing happened at all. After a few weeks, I kinda lost interest due to my personal life and circumstances and I told him and ask him if he would accept to be my friend. He got a bit mad and said that for him we had a mental relationship even though we met every now and then and nothing had happened and conversation were not sexualized at all nor was there any seduction or I would have put a stop to it… He stopped talking for a few weeks and then came back by himself saying he accepted but that he was not that close to friends and that we were going to talk occasionally which I agree with. Months passed and we kept talking by messages and on the phone and he started being or trying to be ambiguous so I had to restate that we were friends as we had agreed on. But at that moment he said that he wanted more and that if I didn’t want then we would be friends and not talk that much. I agreed with it since I never initiate contact almost and he is the one calling etc. He tried to put some dilemma on me like if you expect me to talk this much (we have a call once every few weeks and messages probably once every other day) otherwise I won’t do it etc. I told him his definition and modalities of what a friendship was fine to me and that we could follow his rule. Here is when he started saying that he didn’t need any more friend and that this wasn’t a friendship. I told him that I didn’t understand as talking to someone casually the way we do is very much of a friendship to me, how else could we call it ? Especially after having defined and agreed on it a few months back. I felt bad of having responded to his texts and calls as I do for other friends as I have the impression it mislead him even though I am particularly careful with my words and actions so as never to be ambiguous (I even mentioned many times our friendship etc). Although, I am by nature a friendly and caring person with my friends I don’t believe I could have given him wrong signals. Or is it already too much to talk and be nice to someone ? But isn’t it what friends do ? Also I am not dating right now but the day I will I usually have no problem talking about that with friends, how will he react ?
Something else that makes me question his personality is that he said that what we were doing was not being friends. I am surprised to say the least as I have the chance of having friends and this is usually what happens with them, I mean we talk and call and see each other just to enjoy time together. He asked me what these friendship bring to me and I said joy and happiness. And he said that he is busy and only has friends that bring him something and help him through his life goals. I said I respected his concept of friendship but I can’t help but wonder if this isn’t a bit particular way of thinking… Also I asked him if for him there was no value in time shared with loved ones just for the sake of it even with family, and he said no and that he would only for example spend time with his mom to pay her back for what she did for him. I was astonished but I didn’t comment further.
Am I wrong ? Did I misbehave ? What is happening ? Is it me or this is a strange way from him to try to “force” something with me ? How could he still want something with someone who told you “no” so many times ? Should I put some more space between us ?
Edit: for clarity, he ended up accepting to be friends but I am wondering if this could be healthy… I am a bit taken aback by this way of reacting and the concept of friendship he has especially considering he is in his 30s already. I don’t want to sound picky but I care about my friends and I am careful who I let into my life so I don’t know what to think.