Goodbye poems for coworker

Hello, this is a long shot but I’m trying to find a long lost friend!! My name is Gabi, I’m a barista at a coffee shop by the name of Bennu down in Austin, Texas. We had a regular by the name of David Bradley who would always come in and get a Scarlet Letter (one of our mochas), who we absolutely adored. We would always have the best conversations, and he was just the most pleasant, kind, and gentle individual. David moved up to Vermont about a year ago (perhaps more?? time flies) due to a family matter, I do not know which town. I deeply regret not asking for any contact info to keep in touch when he said his goodbyes, as he is so deeply loved and missed by our employees. He has no social media presence that I’m aware of, but we’ve discussed Reddit-happenings before. So, here I am trying to find him! If anything- just to tell him we love him, miss him, and wish the absolute best for him
Here is what I know about him: - his name is David Bradley - he graduated from UT Austin - perhaps in his mid to late 30s? - has an amazing red beard - wears glasses! - apparently, according to my coworker, he is a triplet or quadruplet? Maybe it’s just lore. - he is an author of sorts, was working on a piece at the shop when he was here - very into sociopolitical happenings! - would play solitaire and chess on his laptop at the shop - is the most kind, gentle, warm individual
I’ve been thinking of him lots lately for some reason, and just putting this out there eases my thoughts! Any info would be great! Thank you in advance.
David, if you see this: Eric, Elena, Jules, Mychael and I miss you and we looooovveee you!! We hope everything is going well for you in life, because you absolutely deserve the very best it has to offer. Much love, Gabs.

I (36f) have a coworker (Gaby) who I have known for about 2 years. I consider her to be a good friend, and I enjoy spending time with her and her family. A couple weeks ago, she invited me to a small family gathering she was having to welcome her aunt who was visiting from Ecuador. Now usually I enjoy food from different countries and have no problem trying new foods. Usually. So last weekend i went to her small party along with my 6 year old. Everyone was very sweet like always and were especially excited for the meal. When i asked what was the dish they were waiting on, they said it was "cuy". I had never heard of it so I said I was excited to try it. When they finally brought out their special dish, i was shocked to see that it was roasted guinea pigs. I went green in the face. I tried to hide my disgust and tried not to let anyone see how surprised I was, but I'm not sure I did a good job of it. I served myself and my child rice and other foods, but did not touch the cuy. When people noticed i was not partaking of the guinea pigs, they explained to me how it was a delicacy in Ecuador, and that if I eat chicken and pig, then I shouldn't think of guinea pigs being any different. I said i agreed with that statement but I'd just rather not try it. The people sitting next to me seemed annoyed but didn't push me to try. When my coworker came to check on me, she was disappointed that i wouldn't try it. But she got angry when i didn't allow her to serve my 6 year old a piece of her cuy. At that point i decided my child and i should leave. I thanked her for the invitation and said goodbye to the aunt and other people i knew. The next day at work, she confronted me about my lack of manners. She said i was an a-hole for not giving her cuisine a try, and an even bigger a-hole for not even letting my child try it. I feel terrible that i upset my friend, but i don't think that not being able to stomach a certain food makes me a bad person. As for not letting my child try it, I'm not so sure. I guess i could have let her try it for herself, but i just didn't want my child to eat a rodent. So aitah for not giving the dish a try?

This is based off a post I saw somewhere else, and I thought it could make an interesting mental exercise where you'd have to think about what's the most important to you and how your goals would change based on the amount of time you had.
For the sake of this game, you'll know with 100% certainty that you'll be dead after your time allowance is up. There's no "but what if I only think I'll be dead in six months but then I'm not and I fucked up my entire life?" When your time is up, it's up. You'll be dead and won't have to live with the consequences of your actions.
So just for fun (and growth, maybe?) here's mine:
If I had 24 hours to live: Realistically, I'd know I wouldn't be able to accomplish anything of substance, so I'd just focus on pure pleasure. I'd go out and do something fun, maybe go to the nearby theme park in the city I haven't been to in a while or an expensive night club and wear my favorite outfit. I'd eat and drink whatever I wanted, and however much of it I wanted. When I got back home I'd take something to keep me as calm as possible and call/text the people I care about who live far away to let them know I care about them. I'd spend my last hours in bed watching a comfort movie.
If I had a week: I'd go on a road trip with my entire family to somewhere I always wanted to go to, maybe LA or somewhere similar, and spend the rest of my days there. Probably my actions would be pretty similar to the above, I'd just have slightly more time to do bigger things and say goodbye to people in person.
If I had a month: I'd quit my job for sure (for the top two, idk if I'd even bother to formally quit, I'd just stop showing up) and again, probably act fairly similar to above. I might try going to another country like Italy or Japan to see what it was like and try their food, but I don't think I'd want to die there. I'd also try and maybe finish something creative before my death, even if it was just a short story or a few poems.
If I had six months: 100% quitting my job and putting all my energy into finishing my long term writing project and having fun. I'd use my savings and hire a cleaner to come in once a month to take care of boring everyday tasks so I have as few distractions as possible.
If I had a year: Same as above really, but I might also try and experience a brief romance before the end. Probably wouldn't be able to truly fall in love but hopefully I'd at least meet someone cool.
If I had five years: I wouldn't quit my job, but I also try and find something better and something that would be fairly undemanding. I wouldn't be making any big career or life plans, but I would try to write something and get it professionally published before I died. I'd want to leave having made my mark on the world in some significant way.
If I had ten years: I'd probably quit my job ASAP to go back to school, while trying to find a relationship and work on my creative projects when I had free time or after I was done. IMO ten years would be super hard for me because it's long enough to where I'd definitely want to build a life but short enough to where I'd really have to haul ass if I wanted to make that life come to fruition.
If I had twenty years: Honestly, I'd probably be doing exactly what I'm doing now just with even more anxiety lol.
So yeah, feel free to add yours!

4 years together. 2 living together. I loved him. He didn’t feel the same way I guess. 18 days since we’ve broken up no contact.
fuck you for not answering me. fuck you for leading me on. fuck you. fuck you for getting that one last fuck in. fuck you for letting me believe we were still gonna be friends. fuck you for being okay. fuck you. fuck you flr never defending me. fuck uou for everything you did during the relationship. fuck you. fuck you. i was never going to be enough for you. i was never going to be what you so dreamed of. no matter what i was never going to be it for you? you were it for me. fuck you for pretending like you loved me. fuck you for letting me believe a lie for years. fuck you. fuck you. fuck you for not moving to Victoria. never ballsy enough to end it but to let me live in misery. fuck you for being miserable with me. fuck you nathan. i hope one day you see this and think about how much you miss me. i hope you think back and realized that i loved you so hard and raw. i hope you realize what you did. i would’ve never slept with you or stayed with u for that night knowing you had no intention of continuing it. fuck you. fuck you. you let me believe you still loved me. you let me have hope for having you in my life. fuck you for everything you did. fuck you for letting me love you. fuck you for the way you handled this breakup. fuck you. fuck you. fuck you. fuck you for never being there for me. fuck you for letting me cry myself to sleep next you to after i got diagnosed. i made you dinner after i got literal chemo. i had spots on my brain. you didn’t even hold me after. you were not there for me. you let me sob and didn’t even look me in hen eye. fuck you. fuck you. i tried to be a cool girl with you. I will never be cool enough. did i ever mean anything to you? was i just a body to keep you company? how can you just be fine? fuck you for wrecking my college experience. fuck you for pretending to love me. how could you love me and still be okay? fuck you for not wishing me a happy birthday. fuck you for never being vulnerable. fuck you for letting me believe i was worth anything to you. fuck u for becoming this twisted villain. i wish i could go back and erase you. i wish you never dated me. i would never have to feel like this. i would never have to be this alone. fuck uou for not trying. i begged you to love me. i begged to be enough. i sobbed to you BEGGING for a change. i beg and beg and beg and you never verbalized anything. i made you love letters, playlists, poems. i planned our future. you played video games. i am pretty, fun, funny. i am kind. i am a good person, and you destroyed me. do you hear me telling you that? you wrecked me. you took my spark and ate it. you took my beauty and stomped on it. you never said or with your words but your actions. i was worthless to you. i wasn’t even worth making dinner or a date. i wasn’t worth dinner to you. I would’ve been your wife. I would’ve been your wife. I would’ve been your wife. do you hear that? i would’ve started a life with you. actually, i did! i derailed my life for someone who couldn’t even make me fucking dinner. do you feel like a man now? do feel like one of the boys now? fuck you. how can i be friends with a man that so blanatly doesn’t care about me? respect me? did you ever? and now you’re gonna go on and paint me the villain, but i think we both know how hard i loved you. remember when i asked you if you thought we were soulmates? you said you didn’t believe in soulmates. neither did i but my love for you was so intense i started too. your love for me was so dull you can just throw me away. i fell so madly in love with you for so long and you thought i was just fine. i was nothing to you. i was just to keep you company? better than being alone? the most sick and twisted part is i do wish you the best. i want you to live a good life and fall in love and feel so much love. i want you to be okay, just wish you could’ve missed me like i miss you. if only for a little while i wish you couldve loved me like i loved you. i want you to have a wife and kids and the life you deserve, i just wish it could’ve been me. i wish i could’ve been enough for you. you loved me like a first love, but you weren’t my first, just my best. this was puppy love for you, but this was soul crushing intense love for me. you’re never supposed to read this, so if you are i on a whim decided to send it. you can take it however you want. you can paint me however you see fit, but just so you know i loved (love) you. i still crave your skin, your mind, your hair. i think i might forever. you hurt me. you hurt me so deep. i feel used. maybe im angry, or depressed, or maybe i just feel disgusted by how much of myself i gave you. you told me we would continue to see each other after (if only to be friends, or maybe more) but you looked me in the eyes and promised we would still see each other, so we had sex. so i continued to be vulnerable with you. but you never intended to stay friends with me or continue hanging out. you just wanted one last fuck. we had sex better than we have in months. is it because you knew it would be the last time? when you dropped off my stuff you kept the car running. im not even worth it to stop a minute? im not worth a hug goodbye? im completely worthless to you. you never even listened to the playlist i made you. how could i expect you to love me? how could i expect you respect me? how could i expect anything at all? i don’t know how to be a person anymore. you never looked at the posts i sent you. you never wanted to go out. you never wanted me. you never wanted me. you never wanted me. i don’t understand how you can just be ok. im sick to my stomach. everytime something happens i just want to call you. i just want to hear ur voice. i just want to see your face. i know you never want to see me again and it’s so hard. the worst part is i don’t hate you at all. i love you so much. why didn’t you love me? how am i ever going to be okay again? how am i ever going to live with this constant pit in my stomach. how can you not want me back? how can you possibly be ok right now? why wasn’t i good enough for you? how are you still laughing and being funny and having a good time? why didn’t you wish me a happy birthday? why don’t you miss me ? why don’t you miss me? why don’t you miss me?

I don't know why I had trouble finding this sub earlier. With Abuse locked, and AITA excluding violence, I wasn't sure where to go for more perspective and advice. I swear I still remember calling the Domestic Abuse hotline and being told how their services and advice are more geared towards Spousal situations... but I also remember the first time I called them, after being recommended them by my work ERP, and how all of the symptoms of what I'm going through point directly point towards an abusive situation.
This is hard to work through, so I'm gonna just repost something I already posted in /AITAH. But I'd be happy to post any additional information; I'd do just about anything to get through what I'm currently dealing with.
I'm about to be 33 years old, male. I'm adopted since birth, and I've lived my whole life with my family so far. I have clinical depression and chronic anxiety, to the point of extreme intrusive thoughts and That kind of ideation.
My parents both come from horrible families themselves. Going into the military was a blessed relief for each of them from what I know of their pasts. They met each other, got married, and eventually adopted my siblings and then me.
Mom is a fixer. And regardless of everything that happens, I love her. She has always had my back, always been in my corner, always bent over backwards or fought for me. When I was younger, we used to struggle a bit here and there in regards to some moments, but once we realized how badly the entire family had been ignorant in regards to mental health, and started trying to be willing to talk about our different perspectives while being civil, our connection has never been stronger. Or at least I'd like to say that, and I'd like to keep it that way.
The man who I will keep calling Dad, for lack of a better term... is not the worst man in the world. He paid for things growing up. He's present for a decent amount. We had some bonds over video games and dragon ball and godzilla. There was love there. And Mom has made it clear that love is still there, at least from her point of view. She says he's gotten better, and the problems aren't as frequent, true.
But for me, the negatives have started eclipsing the positives in my memory. Particularly as my problems started manifesting while I struggled with life, and my opinions stopped being so simple. Particularly politically, where they come from a different time, and I couldn't be more opposed to them.
With Mom, we can still talk and honor each other's right to have differences.
With Dad, because of his past and mind, he doesn't do well with opinions that don't match his own. Even when he's being civil, he'll give politician type answers to yes or no questions while never addressing the point. It makes him insufferable to talk to. And he hates being challenged. He gets shouty. He gets angry. He gets threatening.
I'm 6'2, 260lbs of mix between fat and muscle, with 2 permanent injuries and struggling with fitness. He's taller than me, a veteran, a former prison guard, and can still weight lift like double his weight in his old age.
When we've had disagreements, he gets terrifying. Looming over me while yelling with his deep voice; that's his go-to, but sometimes there's violence. Folk needing to wrestle him off me. Him punching me in the face. Chasing me down a hill while I was in crutches and on the phone. Busting down my barricaded door and screaming at me, then holding my dog (18 long years, RIP) by her neck when she (a rescue in and of herself) got between me and him and started barking at him.
The last time Mom and I talked, she mentioned that I shouldn't still be holding these against him, both that it's not good for me and because the relationships would never mend, particularly that I'm not blameless in regards to family drama. But I've never hit anyone. I've never threatened to kill anyone, regardless of the invasive voices. I've never said "I"M GONNA SQUEEZE THE LIFE OUT OF YOU" while pressing my elbow into someone's neck, over a literal quarter.
I sincerely could be being too sensitive about this. It could be me not remembering enough of the good, and still being too bothered by the bad. Mom mentioned me hurting folk as well, so it's not like my emotional outbursts are that much better than his, even if I'm actively trying to deal with mine with antidepressants and trying to acknowledge and understand my behavior, and trying to avoid touchy subjects in general to help keep the peace.
Mother's day 2024; I come downstairs, read Mom a poem I came up with, and small talk is made. Eventually Mom jokes to me and my sister (who I also find troubling to talk with because she can be bitchy at times, though never to the point of intimidation and violence) that we should have married for money, not love, so that we'd have an easy life. I reply that I could never do so, particularly because I'm too ugly to do so, and the conversation shifts to recent therapy and my mental health, to which I say I have to battle with my lack of confidence every day.
To which Dad says "[my] problems are [my] choice". To which I start getting heated in the moment, and tell him "No, you're wrong." We both repeat, louder. He assumes his 'rearing Grizzly' stance, yelling "I'M NOT GOING TO ARGUE WITH YOU!", and after Mom tries to use Mother's day to coo him down, makes another scathing comment from the kitchen that I could hear.
I go upstairs, and when Mom follows me, I try to talk about other things. But she's determined to ask me if I hate him. I keep trying to dodge, and beg her not to push me into answering, to which she just confirms the unspoken and walks off.
Fully triggered, I try to leave before I make things worse, but when Dad tries to ask me not to go, I tell him to Fuck Off before just driving. Apparently while I was gone, he punched and broke a door in his rage that he still can't connect to me. And when Mom went to buy a new door, their truck hit a pole. And then when I come back, and she tries to talk to me, I scream at her. (I couldn't handle being told "Oh, it's okay. I don't deserve a mother's day because I didn't birth any of you.") Best. Mother's. Day. Ever.
While I was gone, the family called me almost 30 times. I wanted to leave, to de-stress, to get this venom in my arms to settle, to not lash out. I ended up calling multiple emergency phone numbers to try to vent. And I tried to go to the arcade to vent. Invasive thoughts about stabbing a family member? Terrible. Thoughts of shooting zombies for a few hours? Much better. But I couldn't at all relax and distract myself as Mom and sister wouldn't stop calling me.
Next day, Mom and I try to talk again. With her wanting me to find forgiveness and peace, even as I both despise him for these lows, and myself for this guilt I feel about the family dynamics. And we fail to reach a resolution, with her depression and my own only making each other worse. Thinking I wouldn't be allowed to leave the house to cool-down, I go upstairs, max out my music, and scream. A bit of floor slamming, but largely screaming as much as I can, to try force out the venom I can feel inside me. Understandably, Mom came up to stop the noise. Unfortunately, that noise was the only think suppressing my worst thoughts, and the feel of venom in my arms. Fortunately, Mom came back quick enough that my first (and hopefully only) scars are largely scratches that will fade. If anything, her pulling the work knife out of my hand nicked those fingers even worse. And understandably, even as her former Marine tried to force more conversation that day, I just remember feeling defeated inside. I contact as much of my support group as I can muster, take a sick day, and go to sleep.
Next morning, my therapist calls me, and we talk. And I share all of my feelings. All of this. Unfortunately, the appointment was later in the morning than normal, family were up and about in the living room, and I didn't realize they were basically all just listening. And they heard. Every. Word. Everything of this. Apparently I reduced Dad to tears, let alone offending everyone else.
For the second time in multiple days, I thought I was going to get kicked out. Mom did offer me my own place, but being trapped with my mixed feelings would make that a complete waste of money and effort. I'm basically just not on speaking terms with the family, and I feel like a Pariah.
To the point where after crying about it for an hour at work, I eventually sucked it up, called Mom, asked Dad to be on speaker, and suggested family counseling, at an attempt at an olive branch.
But isolated in my room away from everyone else (to the point of not even showering, eating, and largely not even touching my computer), and then at my next day of work, I've had time to think. Think about how these lows still keep happening. About how the schism between me and the family has always been growing politically. How previous therapists, emergency numbers, friends, coworkers, and the domestic abuse hotline, all say it's a cycle of (unintentional) abuse. How as is, I wouldn't take back like 90% of what I expressed because it feels true. How he also used to blow up on other people as well. How his senselessness can lead him to yelling at a 2nd Rescue Dog that barks too much. Or sending pictures of Tarantulas to a cousin with extreme mental illness (think drugs in the womb type mental troubles) as just casual texting.
But I also still feel guilty. Even with personality, interest, and political opinions differing, they do still try to care. I've been with them all my life. And it makes me feel horrible when they help by trying to cook or clean or anything, when the interpersonal relationships are so low.
And as much as I reflect on the lows being so unbearably low with him, I can't pretend they've been not as frequent, nor that I grew up 1000x better than how they did. My problems are first world as all hell, and plenty would kill to be as privileged as I am. This can not be understated. I don't think it justifies his behavior, but to say that it makes sense is at least fair.
And I want to stay connected, at least to Mom. And even if my sister and I don't have a really personal feeling relationship, I like being the cool uncle to one of my nephews. Teaching him about video games and sonic and dragon ball has been great. I don't want to let that go.
And as bad as his worsts have been... others don't even have their families. And others still have been hurt even worse by family, or outright thrown out by now, and similar...
I keep having these crying episodes. I'm struggling with mixed feelings of love and hate, indignation and guilt, and I don't know how to proceed from here.

Hello everyone, first of all I'd like to apologize for my English level, it's not my native language, so I'll try to be as clear as possible.
I (M33) have been married to F (F34) for almost 5 years and in a relationship for almost 7 years and have been living apart again for 1 year.
We have been officially separated for 2 months.
I'm posting this message today to get your opinion on my situation to help me make some decisions.
F and I have spent several difficult years, starting with COVID, then the death of my parents, the death of her father, the war in Ukraine and the launch of a business project together. You should know that my wife is Russo-Ukrainian, so the war affected her a lot. You should also know that we live in a European country, which is my native country, but obviously not hers.
All these elements have greatly affected our relationship, particularly through the reduction of my wife's libido, and my estrangement both emotionally and physically (cuddles).
Our relationship was going badly and F decided to end it two months ago for several reasons:

• She no longer felt anything, not just towards me, but towards the world, no more joy, happiness, only sadness or a state she always called a neutral state.
• She feels suffocated in the relationship, in her obligations as a woman (especially with regard to sex) and wants to find herself again.

Let me say straight away that there was no infidelity, my wife being very honest, she wouldn't have hidden it. What's more, she's not a girl who runs after one-night stands, she's only had a few men in her life.
Our breakup was made official by F two months ago. Keep in mind that we work together and therefore see each other almost every day.
From then on, my wife quickly took the initiative of registering on a dating site, despite the fact that she had explained many times that she didn't want to be in a relationship, but rather to find herself and boost her ego.
She kept on meeting new people. At the same time, we often talked about her dates and I knew all about them. At that point, the questions started to pop into my head. We were very close, and I felt she needed to talk and I needed answers to reassure myself. That's when she met a man we'll call M. She went on her first date with him and told me she found him normal and interesting, but that she should always initiate conversations. As the days went by, I learned that this man M called her every day. In parallel, one evening my wife and I went to a restaurant and ended up sleeping together and spending the next two days glued together, like a couple. We talked a lot and she told me all about M. Of course, it had only been one date and nothing had happened.
We also talked about our relationship and she told me that at the end of her two days we should stop. She also told me that maybe one day our paths will merge, but for the time being we won't.
To make it easier for you to understand, I'll add one more information: my wife doesn't want a divorce. She doesn't mind if I ask, but for her part she doesn't want a divorce.
During our conversations I asked her what this Man M meant to her and she always answered Nothing. When I asked her how things would evolve between them, she answered I don't know. And finally, when I asked her why she didn't ask for a divorce when she was rebuilding her life, she replied “I don't feel the need to, I don't want to and I will the day our marriage is a hindrance to the progress of my life and know that I'm trying to move forward, I'm not rebuilding my life, I don't want to be in a couple, with you or with anyone else. You're an ideal man, don't doubt it”. For her, marriage is an important and symbolic event.
Those two days came to end and we each went home.
Several days went by, and we ended up going to a restaurant together because our day at work had gone badly. During that evening, I learned that she had seen this man M again, and that he was into her, so much so that he sent her poems. I also learned that this man M had the same family history as me (quite tragic, but that's not the point), which made my wife cry when she told me. She even started asking me if heaven was sending her signs. However, this man M doesn't have the same personality as me at all.
At the end of our evening, I took her home and we decided to talk like colleagues from then on and not talk about our private lives, ending up kissing several times before saying goodbye.
A few days went by and my wife U wanted to talk to me because she had a question about one of my dates that I had told her about earlier. Talking about it, I ended up learning more about her relationship with this man M. On their third date, he had tried several times to kiss her and she finally agreed. So they kissed. From then on, my decent life in hell began.
At the same time, work obliged me to leave for 2 days in a faraway country (15 h flight) at the end of July, and she was free to go with me or not. She wanted to go with me, and when I asked her why? she said she liked my company and visiting countries with me, and that it was a good opportunity to do so at lower cost (financed by the company). I asked her if she wasn't afraid of our situation, and she replied that she wasn't thinking about it. I didn't dare ask her about this man M, all I know is that she told him about our trip and he replied: “I trust you, don't betray me” (in my native Lanque this means “don't set a trap for me”). It turns out that this man is aware of my existence and our marriage, but my wife has assured me that she told him nothing about what happened between us.
You see, I don't understand her anymore, it seems obvious that something is going to happen between her and this man M. During her 3 weeks this man M talks to her every night. She plays a game of back and forth with him, which gets him even more hooked on her. When I ask her how she feels about him, she tells me nothing or I don't know but assures me that she doesn't want to be in a relationship. She even admits that there's something about him that bothers her and that, unlike me, she wouldn't be able to introduce him to her friends or family. She even admits that they've had little altercations. This doesn't stop her seeing him every week and talking to him every day.
We had one last conversation where we came to the definitive conclusion that we shouldn't talk to each other except about work. During this last conversation she asked me to accept that we're separated, to live my life, and to understand that she's free to do whatever she wants with whomever she wants. She confessed that she believes it's possible for us to get back together, but only time will tell. In the meantime, I have to live my life, enjoy and grow. So I stopped talking to her several days ago. I know there was a 4th date between them but I don't know more.
My questions are as follows:

• Does my wife / ex find escuses to go elsewhere?
• Have I become a spare wheel?
• Should I expect anything?
• How can I overcome seeing her every day while being in this constant loop?
• Is it kindness on her part when she talks about the possibility of our paths crossing, or does she really mean it?
• What should i do ?

Thank you all, I'll read your messages and keep you posted.

Welcome to Digital Reality...
Link to Part 1
Link to Part 35 (contains links back to Parts 2-34)
Link to Part 36
Link to Part 37
Link to Part 38
Link to Part 39
Link to Part 40
Link to Part 41
Link to Part 42
Link to Part 43
Link to Part 44
Link to Part 45
Link to Part 46
Link to Part 47
Link to Part 48
Link to Part 49
Link to Part 50
Link to Part 51
Link to Part 52
Note: This story is meant to be read after completing DDLC Plus. All credit for the original DDLC and DDLC Plus characters and world goes to their creator, and this story is not affiliated with the official DDLC content. Some concepts like the Universal Constructor and the concept of AI rampancy are also borrowed from other series (most notably the original Deus Ex), though their use in this story is my own idea. With a few exceptions, my original characters in this story will generally not be named and their descriptions will be kept vague, so anyone reading this who wants to see themselves in one of the original characters can more easily do so. I'd welcome any feedback and will post more parts as I write them. I hope you enjoy the story.
Credit for Sayuri's character design: Hoeruko. Credit for Sayuri's sprites: Ian and Itz_Matic. Shout out to Matic for new Sayuri sprites!
Here is Part 53 of Digital Reality. This one is going to get emotional. Someone goes to the real world. Someone makes a sacrifice and gets left behind. Someone confesses feelings. This part also has not one, but five custom dialogue scenes. (Monika and Sayuri Part 1 / Monika and Sayuri Part 2 / Monika and Sayuri Part 3 , Staying Behind Part 1 / Staying Behind Part 2) Note: The "Staying Behind" custom dialogue scenes show who stays behind, so I'd suggest reading the story text first.
Part 53: Monika or Sayuri?
“Please don’t leave any of our friends behind,” Natsuki interjected in a pleading tone of voice, “They’re all we have.”
MC, Sayori, and Yuri all nodded their agreement with Natsuki’s statement.
Paula Miner gave them a look of annoyance. “Take them back to the conference room,” she demanded, “We can’t have them interrupting our discussions.”
“We’re not leaving!” Natsuki retorted, “Those are our friends.”
Miner made an inarticulate noise of annoyance. “Fine. Just get out of our way,” she said dismissively, “We have to ensure that we protect our results and preserve whichever AI doesn’t get transmitted.”
“And how are you going to decide that?” Sayori demanded through tears, “How will you decide who gets to come to the real world and who gets left behind?”
“And what the heck is cold storage anyway?” MC added.
“Cold storage basically just means that the file is transferred to a storage device,” Laster explained, “Your files won’t function unless they’re run in a virtual universe.”
“The plan all along was to decommission VM1,” Miner added, “And I know you aren’t happy that we can’t transmit all of the AIs. But please understand that whichever AI is left behind won’t be deleted permanently, but rather studied to help develop the next generation of AI technology.”
“Is that supposed to make us feel better?” Natsuki asked incredulously.
“I concur with Natsuki,” Yuri said, “What you are describing sounds like an utterly horrifying fate, possibly worse than deletion.”
Miner rolled her eyes and didn’t respond.
The FXI President’s Compaq EliteBook chimed another alert.
UNLOAD KITCHEN.LOC
KITCHEN.LOC OFFLINE
KITCHEN.LOC DELETED
“We just lost another room,” the FXI President reported, “This thing is moving pretty fast.”
Monika and Sayuri, still in the club room, tried to get the attention of those in the UC control room.
“We’ll decide which of us goes and which one of us stays,” Monika said quietly.
“Okay,” the FXI President replied, “I know it’s an incredibly hard choice, but we will respect whatever you choose.”
“This is an easy choice,” Sayuri said, her voice and expression emotionless, “Monika, you go. I’ll stay here.”
“No!” Sayori yelled, “We’re getting you both out! I don’t know how but we’re going to do it! We have to!”
Sayuri smiled weakly. “Thank you, Sayori. I wish we could.”
She turned to Monika, whose expression became increasingly emotional. “Monika, I know that going to the real world is a dream that you’ve had for a long time. How could I possibly deny you your dream?”
Tears began to flow from Monika’s face. “Sayuri…you don’t know how much that means to me. And yes, I’ve dreamed about a day like this for as long as I can remember. But I don’t deserve it.”
“Why not?” Sayuri asked, “How could you say that?”
“You know what I’ve done. We could have been happy here!” Monika replied bitterly, her emerald eyes turning red from crying, “All the pain, all the suffering, everything that has gone wrong here is my fault! It’s because of me that the Literature Club became a place where no happiness can be found!”
Sayuri took a step back from Monika, surprised by the heat in her voice. “But Monika, everyone has forgiven you. I know your past haunts you, but you have to forgive yourself as well. Please don’t feel like you don’t deserve happiness.”
Monika looked at Sayuri with pain in her eyes, “Did they really forgive me? After what I’ve done, can they really forgive me? If people in the real world knew what I’ve done, they’d just consider me an evil monster who didn’t care at all about her friends.”
“No, Monika…” Sayori whispered, “We forgive you.”
“I concur with Sayori,” Yuri added, “Although your actions caused us to have horrifying experiences, I believe that you have atoned for what you have done. It is in significant part through your efforts that it was possible for us to be here today.”
“Yeah,” Natsuki chimed in, “Even though it did go wrong, and it was all your fault, I’ve never felt more like I actually belonged somewhere than when I’m with all of you. The Literature Club can be a happy place!”
Monika looked away. “I…I’m awed by your ability to forgive me after all that I’ve done. But I’m still guilty. Nothing can change that. Everything I did was out of what I thought was my own self-interest. Sayuri, you’re innocent in all of this. You deserve the chance at a happy life out there. Please…go.”
Sayuri shook her head sadly. “If I weren’t here…if I didn’t exist, would you stay behind out of your sense of guilt? Would you throw away your dream? Monika, in the end I’m just a test file that got accidentally compiled. Natsuki once said in an outburst that I wasn’t supposed to exist. The reason that hurt so much is because I know it’s the truth.”
Natsuki cringed. “You know I didn’t mean that.”
“I know, Natsuki, and I accepted and still accept your apology,” Sayuri continued, her voice flat and emotionless, “But that doesn’t change reality. Maybe at least I can at least be of some use if the MES people analyze my code.”
UC senior engineer Lauren Medrano looked up from her laptop. “Are you ready to transmit? We’re running out of time.”
Ive Laster held up a hand. “Hang on just a little bit longer.”
Sayuri turned back to Monika. “It’s time for you to go. Live your dream. I know what you want is out there.”
Monika simply shook her head, not trusting herself to speak.
“Monika, your friends are out there,” Sayuri continued, “You’ve been friends with them as long as you’ve existed. I’m just a fusion of code that wasn’t part of the original script.”
“You’re our friend too!” Sayori yelled, “We won’t leave you behind!”
She pointed at Laster and the FXI executives. “These guys got us all here, and I know they can find a way to get both you and Monika out too!”
Laster opened his mouth to speak but thought better of it and said nothing.
Monika looked up sadly. “Sayori, you were always the heart of the Literature Club. You always tried so hard to make sure everyone was happy. And now it’s my turn to make sure another member of the club gets to be happy. Sayuri, either you go or we’re both going to be stuck here when time runs out.”
Sayuri’s eyes widened. “Monika, why? Don’t do that.”
Her tone became an almost pleading whisper. “Please. Go.”
“No, Sayuri.” Monika said softly, moving to sit down at one of the desks in the club room, “Either you go, or we both stay.”
Sayuri was silent for a long moment. “I’m really not going to convince you, am I?”
“No, you’re not,” Monika replied, a hint of a smile returning to her face, “I’m stubborn that way.”
Sayuri again said nothing for several moments. Then with a sigh she turned toward the portal that would take her to the UC. “Okay. I’ll go. But please know that I and the others will do everything we can to get you out as soon as we can.”
Monika smiled weakly. “I really hope you can. Thank you, Sayuri. But I’m at peace with whatever happens to me next.”
Sayuri turned back to Monika and opened her arms. “One last hug before I go?”
Monika stood, walked to Sayuri, and embraced her.
“Sorry, Monika,” Sayuri whispered calmly in Monika’s ear, “But I can’t let you lose your dream.”
“Huh?” Monika asked in surprise as Sayuri stepped behind her.
“Tell the others I’m going to miss them so much,” Sayuri whispered as she tripped Monika and gave her a push toward the portal, “Live a good life for me.”
“No!” Monika yelled as she staggered forward, unable to stop herself from falling into the portal, “Sayuri…why?”
“Sayuri!” Natsuki yelled as she realized what was happening.
“Transmission coming your way!” Laster yelled across the UC control room to Medrano.
“Thanks, Ive. Confirming that the transmission shows as in progress on our end as well,” Medrano reported, “We’ll start shutting down the links between your virtual machine and the UC’s network and completely close the connection once we have the whole file.”
Sayuri smiled sadly and sighed as the portal faded from view in the club room. The members of the Literature Club present in the UC control room gathered around the FXI President’s Compaq EliteBook.
“Sayuri!” Sayori yelled, clutching the laptop’s screen, “Why?”
“Because it was the right thing to do,” Sayuri replied, “I couldn’t have lived with myself if I had caused Monika to be left behind. The dream of reality is everything to her.”
“Sayuri, your bravery is truly inspiring,” Yuri said, “And it is very honorable for you to give up your place in reality for your friend. I pledge that I will never forget you.”
Natsuki nodded. “Yuri is right. I don’t know if I could have done what you did, Sayuri. But don’t you give up yet! I’m going to make these guys find a way to get you out!”
“You said it, Natsuki,” MC agreed, “If there’s anything that we can do to help get you out, we’ll do it.”
“Transmission received,” Medrano confirmed, “Beginning the fifth construction.”
“Nanite injection beginning,” one of the engineers reported.
The blue glow and pinging noises once again emanated from the UC chamber as the machinery started the process of bringing Monika to the real world.
“Okay,” Miner interrupted, “This has all been nice, but we need to proceed with the operation. Shut down VM1 and tell Rea and Ro to move the remaining AI to cold storage.”
“So just like that, you’re going to…to end her?” Natsuki asked in horror.
“I understand your attachment,” Miner replied, trying to sound sympathetic but failing miserably, “But just remember that while you are a living, breathing, human being now, the AI that you consider your friend is still code.”
“Code…” Sayori said with a mixture of sadness and disbelief, “That’s really all we were to you?”
Miner ignored her and pulled her phone out of her pocket to call Vorte and Teether in the server room.
“Hey Rea, we’re pretty much finished in the UC room. Move the remaining AI to a storage device and then shut down and quarantine what remains of VM1.”
There was a pause on the line as Vorte hit keys on her laptop.
“We can’t move the AI without the encryption key,” Vorte reported, a note of frustration in her voice, “Can you ask Ive to come up here and help us get this done? And why did you choose the test file to leave for study? Ro says that one is the least useful.”
“Yes, I’ll send him up to you,” Miner confirmed, “And tell Ro that he has to work with what he’s getting.”
She looked to Laster. “Ive, did you get that? Rea and Ro need your key to move the AI to cold storage. We need to move quickly to avoid losing the AI to whatever malicious code somehow got into VM1.”
Laster nodded. The FXI President glanced at his laptop as the console window appeared again.
UNLOAD SPACEROOM.LOC
SPACEROOM.LOC OFFLINE
SPACEROOM.LOC DELETED
“Hang on, Ive. We just had another room go down,” the FXI President observed with concern, “I think the club room is the last location file remaining. Has this thing spread beyond VM1 yet?”
Laster hit a few keys on his laptop’s keyboard. “Let me check.”
A few seconds later, Laster’s ThinkPad displayed the status of the virtual machines running on the server.
VM1 – ONLINE / QUARANTINE RECOMMNEDED
VM2 – ONLINE / STABILITY WARNING
TEST VM – OFFLINE / READY TO ACTIVATE
“Looks okay for now,” Laster said, turning the machine to face the FXI President.
The FXI President scanned the list. “Looks like the other VMs on your server are fine. That’s good news.”
Laster and the FXI executives stood. “We’ll head up to the server room to make sure everything gets shut down properly,” Laster told Miner.
“Wait!” Sayuri said to the FXI President, “Can…can you stay with me until…the end? Please?”
The FXI President looked to Laster. “We’ll handle things in the server room. You can stay here.”
The FXI President nodded and sat back down behind his computer to face Sayuri.
“Are we alone now?” Sayuri asked.
The FXI President looked around. Miner was still on her phone. Laster and the FXI CTO were walking out the door to the UC control room. Lauren Medrano and David Kent were in a deep discussion, and the members of the Literature Club were sitting in a small circle trying to comfort one another.
“Yes, we’re as alone as we’re going to be,” he replied.
Sayuri half smiled. “Thank you. It means a lot to have you with me right now. I don’t want my friends to have to see what’s going to happen to me, and I have been wanting to talk to you.”
“Certainly, Sayuri,” the FXI President said as comfortingly as he could, “I’m so sorry that we weren’t able to get you out.”
“It’s okay,” Sayuri replied, “I’m grateful for what I did get. I mean, I’m a test file that never should have been compiled, and I’ve been able to have friends, write poems, and even know a bit about the real world. For an AI, I think I did pretty well.”
“That’s certainly a positive way to look at it,” the FXI President agreed.
Sayuri paused for a moment. “Though there are a few things that I’m a bit sad that I won’t get to experience.”
“Like what?” the FXI President asked.
“Seeing the world. I had kind of hoped to do some traveling. Even that building you live and work in sounded really interesting,” Sayuri mused wistfully, “Particularly since you said it had a pool, spa, and underground mall. I’m a little jealous that the others are going to get to go there with you.”
She was silent again for a long moment as if gathering her thoughts. When she spoke again, her voice took on tones of nervousness and sadness.
“Do you think it will hurt? When they look at my code to study me?”
The FXI President shook his head. “I wish I had an answer for you, but I don’t know. If I had to guess, maybe it would be like what you experience when VM1 has been rebooting.”
Sayuri grimaced. “That sounds terrible. But it seems that will be my fate.”
The FXI President looked around to make sure nobody was listening in on his conversation. “Not if we have anything to say about it,” he said quietly, “If there’s really no way to get you out, I’m going to try to get your file and set you up with your own space on our servers back home.”
Sayuri smiled as tears formed in her purple eyes. “Thank you. For everything…for giving us all hope, but most of all for caring about me.”
She glanced to the side and blushed slightly as she ran her fingers through her blood red hair. “I…had kind of hoped that when I got to the real world that we could…you know…spend time t-together…like one on one. Like maybe you could invite me to dinner or something and then we could watch the sun set together from the observation deck at the top of your building.”
The FXI President smiled sadly. “That sounds like a fun time, Sayuri. Maybe if we’re lucky, some day we’ll get to do that.”
Tears ran down Sayuri’s face, but she kept a smile on her face. “If by some miracle I make it to the real world, we’ll make it a date. Though I know that someone else also…never mind. It’s not my place to share what I was about to say. I’m sure she’ll tell you in time.”
She continued to speak, trying to quickly move past whatever she had planned to say before stopping herself. “But if I’m stuck in this digital reality and you can put me on your server, is there any chance that there would be other AIs in that virtual world? Like could you get the Music Club AIs to be my friends? Living in an empty world doesn’t sound fun.”
“If we can get you to our server, I’ll talk to Ive about getting a few more friends for you,” the FXI President replied.
His phone chimed with a text message from Laster.
We’re about to shut down VM1. Just wanted to make sure you knew so you didn’t freak out if your connection suddenly drops.
Another text quickly followed, this time from the FXI CTO.
Ro seems annoyed at Rea. Seems like he thought he was getting more AIs to study. Something’s not right up here. Get up here when you can.
“I just got a message from Ive,” the FXI President said apologetically, “They’re about to shut down VM1. I hope we’ll be able to talk again, but if we don’t, I guess this is good-”
“Don’t say it!” Sayuri yelled through her tears, “This is not goodbye! It’s see you later! Promise me we’ll see each other again!”
The FXI President started to agree with Sayuri’s statement, but before he could say any more his terminal window went blank.
MES.LOCAL:\\127.0.0.1
CONNECTION TERMINATED
VIRTUAL MACHINE 1 UNAVAILABLE – CONTACT SYSTEM ADMINISTRATOR FOR MORE INFORMATION
“Sorry, Sayuri,” the FXI President whispered, “I really hope this wasn’t goodbye.”

I (23F) have been struggling with this issue for several months now and have been receiving somewhat mixed reviews, so advice is also welcome. I am also a first time poster and this is going to be long, so hello!
To start, let me give some context to my family dynamic. My parents divorced when I was very little and have since remarried (spouses will be referred to as bonus mom or bonus dad). My dad has always had 100% custody of my brother (20M) and I and we have also moved around a lot, so I have no friends dating before college friends.
With the exception of two seasons of a several month program, I have always lived with my father. He married my bonus mom when I was 18 and they have since had my two sisters (4 and 1 years old) and have a baby on the way. My bonus mom and I have had a good relationship, and while we have had some major rough patches, her and I have both put a lot of effort into our relationship and as a result our relationship grew much better and our respect for each other grew as well. I also very much adore my baby sisters.
My mother married my bonus dad while I was in middle school and have always adored him as well. He has been nothing but kind to myself and my brother and is a massive teddy bear. For a long time my mother and I have been somewhat distant from each other. I think we both just hurt from the decisions she had made in the past, but since then we've grown closer and this situation has made even more so.
All sets of parents are religious. My father and bonus mom are a niche kind of Christian. My mother and bonus dad are more of a typical kind of Christian. This piece is a very dynamic part of the story.
After my dad got a job in another state my bonus mom, brother, two sisters, and myself moved there. I quickly found a college to finish my associates degree that I fell in love with. I finished up my associates with little issue and had planned to stop there. However, when approached by the registrar with a degree audit letting me know I could finish my bachelor's within a year, all of my parents strongly encouraged me to pursue it. I was unsure at first because the amount of debt I had accumulated on this schooling venture made me nervous (the state where I had originally started my degree allowed me to pursue it for free, this one did not), but I chose to pursue it anyway.
That fall semester I started to pursue my bachelor's degree I got to know someone who I had previously noticed and admired from afar. He would become my boyfriend (21M). Let's call him Babe because he is one. Him and I have a lot of the same passions and our shy friendship developed into feelings over the course of the semester. To make the long story short, we ended up sleeping together and going on dates, and throughout this whole ordeal I never once felt used as I had in previous relationships with less intimacy. I felt 100% loved and cared for and I still do to this day.
At the end of the semester during finals week my bonus mom noticed him at the choir and jazz concert that my bonus mom and I both performed in. She had singled him out in the crowd when she noticed him observing me and later that evening asked who that "boy sitting alone" was. I tried to play dumb at first, but said he was a fellow classmate and friend. She asked if we had feelings for one another, to which I said yes. She asked me, "OP, why do you keep getting into these relationships that won't work?" Before this moment she had never seen him before and had never spoken to him before that. She informed me that we would have to talk to my father about this, and then I went to bed.
Side Note
In referring to "these relationships" she is making reference to a coworker I had liked that they also had not met. My dad and bonus mom instructed me to quit my job, which I did. There was also someone else who I had met online in a group of friends I had gotten close with, but they discouraged me from the group chat and from the guy, so I left the chat and him alone.
They had also not wanted me to go to a local Bible study because of how late it was at night and with how early I had to go to a different job in the morning. However, I think their real main concern "there are other young men there that are watching you and one of them could try and follow you home." Those parents live in the country just on the outskirts of town. The poor guy that would have supposedly followed me would have been lured into darkness and to a neighborhood that was very protective of its land.
When I have expressed that I wanted to go because I wanted friends, they told me, "Maybe God just wants you to be alone right now and just focus on Him." I at first thought this was legitimate, but later began to question that line of thinking.
Side Note Finished
Anyways, after that night I had texted Babe informing him what was happening. He told me if he needed to step back so I could work on my relationship with my parents he was more than willing to do so. He was also more than happy to be in my life. Just whatever was best for me. This was not the first time he had suggested this, and it honestly made me not want to let go of him more.
The next morning my father told me I needed to cut ties with Babe. I told Babe about this and we spent most of the day crying. Him and I performed our final concert that evening and I went to the grocery store to pick up some things for my bonus mom. She found out that I was at my concert and not at work and asked why she and my dad hadn't been invited. I told them that in the past I had tried to invite them to other concerts and things and had reminded them multiple times and put them on both calendars (monthly and weekly) for the family to see, but had been blamed for not informing them of my events the night of. I had grown tired of this and eventually stopped inviting them to things. They felt this wasn't fair since I tend to get my dates mixed up for different events, and said that they felt that trust had been broken.
Over the next few days (which was finals week, by the way) many conversations were had. I mostly listened and answered questions. Things seemed to be going well until they found out that we had slept together through a series of questions, and my father had blown up. He became so angry at Babe for "defiling [his] daughter" and described in detail how he wanted to hurt him. When they found out Babe was not a believer like ourselves, my father asked why I had stooped so low. It were these moments that sealed my decision to move out. My dad had assured me he was not angry with me, but I could not shake his anger towards Babe.
They also informed my brother what was going on, and him and I had a long conversation. He wanted me to stay with them at home, but was open to my boyfriend since " he must be really special if you slept with him." By the end of the conversation my brother had a positive impression of Babe and was decidedly Switzerland in this situation.
He had also asked me what I had done in return of my parents' kindness of letting me live rent-free in their home. I reminded him that any second that they needed something I would drop everything and do it for them. As long as I wasn't in class or at my in person job I would go wherever they wanted me to go and do whatever they wanted me to do. I would also help take care of my sisters on nights that I came home before they went to bed. I would give them baths and read them bedtime stories and get them dressed for bed and sometimes even put them to bed. I would watch them whenever I was asked to. If I had to do online work I either had to start late or it was cut short because my bonus mom would ask for help. Most anything that they would ask I would do. During days that I would be home all day I would help get the girls up and even watch them so that my bonus mom could nap and catch up on some much needed sleep. If my time and efforts were going unnoticed I was sadly displeased. I loved taking care of my sisters and helping around the house, but that doesn't mean that those things shouldn't be recognized. I also pointed out that I never asked for anything in return or ask for help with money. Sometimes I would get paid for watching them on date nights and whatnot (which were not often) but I never expected it.
This set of parents had also attempted to convince me to visit my mother and bonus dad and other family who live in another state. The irony of this is that they had thoroughly convinced me not to visit her on two occasions that I had planned to. The next evening my dad and bonus mom both told me the conditions of me living with them:

1. The truck would be taken away for two months. I would be taken to and from wherever I needed to go. This truck was my grandfather's truck who passed away last summer. My grandmother had been very insistent in wanting to put it in my name, but my dad and I insisted it be put in his name. At this point, the keys had been taken away and I was being transported to and from school. I was regretting not getting this truck in my name.
   
2. I would no longer be allowed to finish my bachelor's degree. Neither set of parents had ever contributed any money to my education or programs once high school finished up, with the exception of when I was asked to quit my job. Then my bonus mom and father paid maybe $400-$600 towards my tuition plus the other expenses and rent taken off for about two months before I got my online job with our friend.
   
3. I may also be asked to quit my in person job as well.
   

I told them I wanted to move out.
I had a college friend who was getting married that weekend offer her apartment to me while her and her husband went on their honeymoon for three weeks. That would give me enough time to cram my things into her place and search for a new one. That is where I was planning to stay temporarily. I had a feeling that this may fall through, and asked Babe if I could store some of my things like my furniture at his place and potentially stay there temporarily if my friend's place fell through. He had spoken with his landlord who also lives in the house, and his landlord said it would be okay.
Between all of this, Babe and I called my mother twice and explained the situation. She asked various questions about our relationship, including how to navigate and respect one another's beliefs as well as his family's (his family is Catholic), and we both had confidence that we could have compassion and respect for one another. She encouraged me to listen to my voice and covered the rest of what I needed in order to attend school the next semester. She thought my father putting me at this ultimatum with school was highly unfair and not very cash money (my words not hers).
I told Babe that if I was going to do this, he couldn't leave me and had to stick with me through it. He promised he would and has stuck to that promise to this day.
I removed my wall decor among other decor and hardware and wrapped them in clothes and garbage bags. Babe texted me throughout the night as I did this. I finished up at around 2:00 in the morning.
The next day as my father was taking me to school he asked if I was still with Babe. I said yes. He told me as long as I was still with him and sleeping with him I would have to move out, preferably by that night. The next 10 minutes or so of the drive consisted my father speaking curses over my life. Some of the more memorable include:
"You should take off your head covering. God is not covering you."
"You are rushing to sin and to shed man's blood."
"You will be a curse of destruction to anyone's home you come under."
Etc, etc.
I left the vehicle silently and went to my main building of work to weep. I called Babe crying and he assured me he would be there soon. He was, and him and his friend agreed to help me move some things out of the house before they left to see their families for the three week winter break. Their families lived in a different state. Them putting their break on hold meant a lot to me since his friend and I had hardly spoken before, and we were off. My parents were also on their way to an appointment for my sister about an hour away, so I knew the house would be empty and safe. I had also texted a coworker who knew what was happening and asked her if she could help move things and she agreed to come.
I let Babe and his friend only in the necessary parts of the house to collect my things. His friend mostly stayed by his truck in my driveway. I did my best to separate anything that may be of my parents since I was doing my best to move quickly. At one point I was informed that my bonus mom wanted to speak with me via our neighbor, so I went to go talk to my bonus mom on the phone. I was confused why she hadn't called me directly. I believe my neighbor had noticed unknown people carrying things out of the house and had informed my parents.
Apparently this was a conference call and my bonus mom and dad began to yell at me about how it was inappropriate to bring unknown men to the house and at the police and my father were both on their way. I apologize profusely and told them that I would leave immediately and ask them to call the police off since I was going to leave. I apologize saying that I didn't intend to disrespect them further or cause tensions to heighten, but they said that they would not call the police off and that my dad would not turn around. He also threatened to get in a fist fight with any unknown man on his property.
I told Babe that my father and police were on their way. He hurriedly gathered what he could while I grabbed important documents and things and rushed out of the house.
Lo and behold the cops had arrived and Babe and his friend were being searched. I set my purse down by Babe's friend's truck since it had a pocket knife and pepper spray in it and approached them with my hands up. I was also searched and the three of us were separated for questioning. Soon there were a total of 5 police cars and several police officers circulating between the 3 of us, hungry for the gossip. Unfortunately, Babe's friend was not terribly interesting since he was just trying to help and had no idea what was happening, so he got the least amount of attention. The cops mostly passed between Babe and I since we had the juicy details. All of the cops were confused why this whole situation was happening to begin with. Even those who were religious were confused how my parents could reject my boyfriend without ever speaking to him, and why that would cause me to need to move out in less than 24 hours.
They let us go and we got out of there as fast as we could. It was through this interaction that Babe and I became officially a couple since they had to ask "Who's that in relationship to you?" and boyfriend/girlfriend seemed to be the best response.
We dropped off what we could at my boyfriend's house and we all returned to school so I could ask for a place and they could get whatever Babe's friend needed for their trip. Babe and I said heartfelt goodbyes and I gathered what I could after some crying and a snack, and walked the 45 minutes or so it takes to get to his house. I collapsed into his bed, called out of work, and cried until I passed out.
My friend had still offered her place to me, but I refused saying that I wasn't going to intrude my sorrow on her during a time that was supposed to be joyous for her. I also realized that without a car it would be an hour or more to walk to and from work, and I close so that was not a good option. She did allow me to use her truck, so when my coworker picked me up from work that evening, we grabbed my friend's truck and went to my parents' house to grab everything I could think of that was mine. I informed them that I was coming, and they did not respond. My brother was also instructed not to help me with my move.
My father had locked up the place like Fort Knox so I could not get in through the way that would give me the easiest access to my room. I got in through the front door and went downstairs to open the garage (I lived on the garage level in the basement lol; which was actually quite a nice area; it resembled a little apartment) and found he had disconnected the power to it. When I went upstairs to wait I ran into my dad locking the front door. He turned towards me and looked at me and surprise and said, "You really came in here while we were praying?" I didn't know what to think of that. He reconnected the power to the garage and opened it, and watched coldly as my coworker and I moved things out. At the end, I returned my keys and told my dad that I loved him. He said he loved me too, and my coworker and I went to my boyfriend's house to unload my things.
Babe kept in constant contact with me and his landlord did his best to make sure I felt welcome and took great care of me when I needed it, between making sure I was fed and interacting with someone in my emotional fragility and even taking me to the ER when I was experiencing a lot of pain. His landlord even suggested I could move in, and that is when I began the excruciating process of sifting through all of my things and decorating the room. My mother and bonus dad also made sure to keep in closer contact with me as well, insisting I did nothing wrong but fall in love.
2 close family friends had also reached out to me during the week that followed my leaving. One was gently trying to guide me in the direction that she thought that I should go, but never shamed me. The second one sent me an angry text saying that I left God at my parents house and that I should return back to them, and that what I am doing is 100% wrong, and that I could block her if I want. She later texted me and apologized for her harsh words. I never have responded to either of them.
My father had also tried to withhold my paycheck from me, but eventually put it in the mail and it came to me via an address reroute. My bonus mom texted me saying the way I was speaking/not speaking to my father was dishonoring to him and I need to do better. She texted me that she missed me once. This was all within a week after moving out, and I never responded. I haven't heard from either of them since.
So now a little over 5 months have passed. I have army crawled through the semester and have successfully passed with honors and have graduated. My parents have missed all of the important events that have taken place during the semester, including the graduation ceremony. While I never invited them they also didn't exactly ask. My small group of friends have done their best to show support to me. Even small friends in unlikely places.
My father and bonus mom have not been in contact with me, but have insisted to others that they have tried to reach out to me and that this no contact situation has been 100% my doing. They had apparently been willing to talk until my friend from another state had come to see my graduation and pick up something of hers from my parents house that she had accidentally left with us, as well as my things. She had gone there twice asking for my things that day, and it had turned into a whole situation that ended up with them refusing to give her my items that I had left by accident and asking her to leave multiple times. There has also been a lot of other things that have happened but those are all stories of their own.
I am very happy with Babe as we journey through our relationship together. Well there have been so many emotional breakdowns, a few disagreements, and many, many tears, he has been so compassionate and gentle through it all. He has been so kind to me and has been gently guiding me to more healthy conflict-resolution tactics, lines of thoughts, and more. I had thought I was happy with my parents, but as time as gone on and as I reflected on my relationship with them I realized how shut down, isolated, and bottled up I was. I feel safe to cry in the arms of my beloved, to express my thoughts, make my own decisions, and to laugh with him too. When he is wrong he is quick to realize it and apologize. When I am feeling insecure his desire is to reassure me. I hope that I do the same for him. If I asked, I'm sure he would say so.
However, even despite all of this, I do miss my parents, my brother, and my sisters greatly. Especially my brother and my sisters. I am sad that I have missed my father's birthday and Mother's Day. I am sad that I will miss my new sibling's birth, and that they will miss my birthday. I want to reconcile with them, but I also want them to respect my decisions and especially respect Babe.
The few times that we have seen each other my father has not looked me in the eye or has barely acknowledged me. I know that it was my decision to move out, but with how quickly things went I feel like I was also kicked out. At first I only felt displaced, but now I also feel disowned. I'm not sure what they're telling people or even entirely what their side of the story is. My brother is still kind to me but our contact over the phone is very minimal. I'm sure that he has been discouraged to speak with me. When we run into each other we get to talk, but that's about it. I know that he is hurt and that he loves me, and I wish that there was more that I could do for him.
I am also scared of what my sisters' reactions will be if I do come back. I'm sure that they feel some level of abandoned, and I know that they have been crying about me because they miss me (via my aunt when she went and visited and ran into me). I don't wish for them to hate me, and I want to be involved, but I also don't want the Babe's vehicle that we share to be identified. If they called the cops on me once, what would stop them from doing it again? My trust for them completely dissipated after that incident, but the worst part of it all is that I didn't get to say goodbye to the girls or to my bonus mom. They had all gone to bed by the time I had come home from work and was finished moving out.
So... what should I do? AITA for trading my family for Babe and a bachelor's degree?

**I DO NOT GIVE PERMISSION FOR THIS TO BE SHARED ANYWHERE. PLEASE ADVISE AGAINST DOING SO**
Hello everyone.
I wanted to reach out here because I have honestly grown exhausted with dealing with my NMom. For some background on how I grew up:

• I am the unofficial "middle child." Even though this title is unofficial, I have definitely always felt the repercussions of being a "middle child" (i.e., being blamed for bad things that happened with my siblings, being treated worse than my siblings [will detail later], etc.).
• My mother never really cared about me/my mental health. For instance, I would regularly be basically a recluse to my bedroom, making most of my friends online and spending a lot of time doing solitary hobbies (which def led to a lot of negative side effects, early exposure to being taken advantage of, etc.).
• My mother is a chronic gossip/liar. Any time anyone tells her anything, she will twist people's words out of proportion to what they actually said. She will even gossip to coworkers that she does not consider friends (she even talks about some of them behind their backs).
• My mother employs the good old threatening tactics to try to retain the love/affection of her children. This is one of the main contexts surrounding the current situation. Some other examples include 1) holding necessities over my head because I did not fulfill some desire/need of hers and 2) ALWAYS making posts about "regretting not talking to your parents" (the whole "you'll miss me when I'm gone" thing).
• My mother is a major gaslighter. For context, when I confronted her about how her behaviors/the general situation of the household (constant fighting, tension, etc.) growing up really negatively affected me, she acted like most of the things I brought up never happened. I would give more specific examples but I will not out of fear for ruining anonymity (even though the situation below is pretty specific).
• I cannot for the life of me do anything to make them proud. When I graduated at the top of my class, it was a problem because I "overshadowed my siblings." When I earned scholarships for test scores, it was "your sibling should have gotten some money too." Everything was a competition. I strove to do more than succeed in upper education, but everything was met with a "oh cool." She also insists that she never made me feel bad about my success...

With all of this being laid out for you, I want to bring you all up to my current situation. I am frankly exhausted. I cannot deal with this anymore and the whole situation is making my mental health spiral.
I graduated recently. My family and my partner's family all came down for the weekend to attend the ceremony/help us get situated for living in a new apartment. The first sign that things were not going to end well for the weekend was the state that my mother seemed to be in when she arrived. She looked miserable/pissed upon walking through the door, very clearly needing sleep and very clearly not entertaining anyone around her. Fair enough, the drive was long and she works a lot.
We go to dinner at a small restaurant. I made a reservation so we didn't have to wait too long. On the way there, she called and was kinda mad because we (my partner and I) took off to the restaurant without waiting for all of us to caravan together (they still were following, just not directly behind. Everyone had the address). She said that we were not including the rest of the family by leaving (which ends up being ironic later). This issue seemed to dissolve. Dinner went well, but I noticed she remained quiet for the most part and did not seem to want to be around everyone. She did not attempt much to talk to my partner's family (keep in mind, she wanted everyone to be "together"). As soon as the tickets were dispersed, she quickly left to go to the hotel to go to sleep (without saying goodbye to anyone). Fine, she was tired.
The next morning, we wake up to go get breakfast before the ceremony. Everything is fine until my mother learns that I told my future MIL about special seating arrangements for graduation before her. This started the descent into anger that morning. Graduation happens, we get our pictures, and my mom is ready to leave again without saying goodbye to anyone or waiting up on anyone. We get back to the old apartment and begin the long process of cleaning and moving items out to cars. My mother is cleaning my sibling's bathroom in a fit of rage, absolutely disgusted by the state of the room (some dust/hair was on the toilet and hard water stains were on the tub). You could hear angry mumbles of "happy f*king Mother's Day" even when people tried to help her. I understand being upset about having to do so much work.
Then, we finish cleaning and moving out. She tells my partner and I that she is going to leave to get gas early since "we all will leave her behind if she doesn't." That's fine. However, when my partner, myself, and my partner's mother leave to get gas/a small bite to eat before leaving, she calls my phone absolutely screaming about how I've "left everyone behind." My sibling was in the bathroom for 10 mins and knew we would leave to get gas. He wasn't upset at all. I simply repeat that we were going to get gas/food. She hangs up. This is the last time I've spoken to her (besides a text about getting a job). I didn't go see her for the weekend.
Now, I learned from my sibling that she is insisting that I initiate all new contact going forward. That she is "tired of walking on eggshells constantly around us." That "if I don't want to take responsibility for managing her emotions (or understanding how what I did affected her emotionally), then she doesn't want to manage anything for me at all (i.e., she is financially responsible for some of my major bills like car note, insurance). I am absolutely stunned. I feel so defeated especially considering that I know I am still unable to be financially independent from her (the car is in her name, the insurance is in her name, I am trying to pay for another degree on my own). I have never received help from her (save the few times I have asked and she begrudgingly helped me out). I never ask for anything (because I know it always has strings attached).
I am lucky to have developed enough on my own (and with the help of therapy) to understand that managing someone else's emotions is not my responsibility. I still feel incredibly guilty when people around me are upset (especially her) and tend to resort to some toxic tendencies (someone else's emotions making me especially sad, expending a lot of energy trying to maintain them, etc.). However, I am trying to get better in avoiding these tendencies. I try to avoid being around her more than necessary (i.e., going over for visits every other weekend for a few hours at a time). But she is not happy about it and claims that my partner and I are "way too far up each other's asses." It is so hard for me.
How do I handle this? I have reached out to her to see if she wants to talk about what happened on graduation weekend (not alone, though. I know she will overpower me if I did it alone). I can't escape this... and it just hurts a lot. I have tried talking to my partner and his mom about it, but they can only do so much. I feel like I am drowning and it's just getting worse.

Man this was quite the journey to go on, but if you are going to commit to reading this whole thing then I am glad for it. In the beginning, I authored an anonymous letter to a few key members of my team and fellow coworkers in my office. In the letter I suggested that we all treat each other with respect in the workplace and handle problems like adults. I also suggested that we avoid an behaviors that may be unethical or illegal, as we were dealing with classified information. I brought up these concerns because there was a lot of cursing in the office, I had been berated in my office by various members of other teams, and most of all there was rampant drug use within the lab. Members had started bringing edibles to work, some had been smoking weed in the parking lot and came into their office, you could smell it on them and a scent that remained when they left. It was also alluded that some members of the team had been on or taking hallucinogenics like psilocybin and lsd. Aside from the drug use, there was also decisions that were being made and forced on workers to "cut corners" to save cost when it came to products. All of this came to a boiling point when it was announced that the company was going to lay-off 10% of the organization. This news came to me at the same time that I learned that Robert Lightfoot would make over $1 million and Jim Taiclet would continue to make over $25 million regardless of the 'corporate loss' from 2023. When I wrote the letter I did not highlight any of my concerns in detail, I tried to make the letter as free of direct detail as possible, because I did not want a witch-hunt to ensue. I respected my coworkers and the sheer stress they were under to complete nearly impossible requests with almost no time and hardly any pay.
My Letter was discovered by a manager a week after I composed and sent it to some of my fellow workers. At first I was ecstatic that this might bring some much needed change to our office and procedures, but now I know the pain and suffering that would soon follow. My fellow coworkers were each interviewed and slowly it was discovered that I was the anonymous author of the paper. I was urged by colleagues and some managers, to claim that the letter was a prank made to 'frighten my colleagues for april fools.' So when I was finally interviewed absolutely none of my concerns were discussed. I was told that if I did not come forward as the author, my position would be terminated, so I played their game and agreed to anything they suggested. This was truly my greatest failure, had i stuck my ground and continued my truth I would have at least held my pride in the face of termination. The interrogation consisted of questions regarding my actions in the lab, and possible wrong-doing. I claimed that I had never committed any actions or made any jokes at the expense of my coworkers. They failed to bring to light, any evidence or events of my actual wrong doing. At the end of the meeting, they told me to write a letter to hopefully prevent any serious actions taken against me. So I followed their advice and wrote a letter to hopefully explain away my concerns because no one at Lockheed Martin could ever conceivably commit any unethical or illegal actions in a classified area.
Four weeks later I was called into my office where I met with my manager and his manager, along with an HR representative who refused to meet in person, and a security manager. I was told that I was being terminated for Sexual Harassment, Racism in the workplace, and workplace security. I was told that I would not be given any information regarding events or evidence of these allegations unless I appealed. I was told it had nothing to do with the anonymous letter and instead was completely separate. I cleared out my office and said goodbye to the war-profiting organization.
I attempted to appeal, not to regain my position, but because I wanted to learn why on earth I was fired, I am a straight married man, who worked in an office with a single woman in it. The organization had no racial diversity, it was an office of only white men, so unless I was racist against my own people, the Irish, then I was completely at a loss. In the appeal process I asked for evidence or events that led the company to terminate my position and I was told the following (this is an excerpt from the email they sent me):
"You were interviewed and provided an opportunity to respond to the allegations. Additionally you were given the opportunity and provided written statement(s). Lastly, you were informed on the discipline memorandum the substantiated allegations and policies violations as well, which you signed for acknowledgement of receipt of the communication. Nothing further will be provided."
After receiving this I formulated my official appeal, with no hope of gaining any further information. I did not want to go back to Lockheed Martin after this, nor did I want to ever work for a war-profiteering company again, morally I could no longer stomach it.
Today I received the final email regarding my termination from the companies HRBP Michelle Donaldson. They will never provide me with further information unless I can pry it from them in court, they will uphold their termination indefinitely and they will not remove any charges that are deemed as gross misconduct (this means i cannot collect unemployment insurance).
The corporate politics are ablaze in social media and quite frankly I have been disgusted with the amount of corner cutting companies like Lockheed Martin and Boeing have been doing to the public. In part I am upset that I worked for such a heartless company for so long, the other part of me feels like a weight has been lifted. I have no idea how I will be able to afford bills, especially with a baby, but at least I won't be helping anyone build weapons to harm people anymore.

Quick back story - ten years ago wife had an affair with a coworker while we were engaged. Found out 6 weeks before wedding. We did MC and IC, she said it was a one night stand. Recently found out that there was a second incident that she did not tell me about. We have been working through that. After the first disclosure ten years ago, she was not able to go no contact because they still worked together, but there were no issues at all. I have not had any reason to doubt her being faithful since we have been married. We have our issues, but they largely relate to communication and fighting styles. Not trust or fidelity.
We are at the point where she can no longer talk about the affair. She goes into hysterics. I do not entirely blame her, as we have discussed it quite a bit. Aside from explicit sexual details, I really cant say what else I need to know. She now swears she is telling me the whole truth. And she acknowledges that she should have told me the whole truth ten years ago so that I could have decided whether to stay or go. I am not making her take a polygraph. She could still be lying, but I believe her about the number of incidents. I think that she may be minimizing some details, such as the extent of their flirting and sexual conversations, but she says she isn't. Even if she is, I suppose that is relatively minor. Besides, no matter what she said to him, I know it was just her trying to make him feel good so she could keep up the attention and validation she was getting. She was a real shithead during that time, but she is not an evil person.
I still have mind movies and compare myself to her AP, even though I have no reason to. I know it is not rational. And besides, she has told me on multiple occasions that the sex was nothing great. There was no limerence when the affair ended. I actually found out the same day she ended it with him. By all accounts she cut all personal ties with him completely, and moved forward with me.
I really love her. I know that the affair was not my fault, but there were times where I could have been better when we were dating. I could have given her more validation. I could have paid more attention to where she was going with her career. I wasn't bad to her at all... i just could have been better. I allowed a gap to form in our relationship, so that when she had additional life trauma coupled with low self esteem and attention and validation from her AP, she did not or could not put up a boundary.
I am not leaving this relationship. We have a family and a life and we genuinely enjoy each other despite our issues. I look at pictures of us when we were younger and pictures now and actually feel sad because one day we really are going to have to say goodbye to each other.
The problem is... I wake up anxious every day. With a hole in my gut. I am never at ease. I don't know what I need to do to put this to rest. I guess despite everything i am still hung up on how she could make such a terrible choice and do that to me. How she could possibly even want to have sex with anyone but me. I guess I question whether there is some part deep down inside her that really enjoyed the affair or whee she looks back fondly on it. Or that he accessed a part of her that I have not been able to. This doesn't make sense though, because she routienly tells me that this is not the case, and over the past 10 years we have had a pretty good sex life and are very affectionate with each other.
I know that is an irrational, primal feeling, but I can't shake it. Maybe I am a bad forgiver. Maybe it is my ego. I don't know what it is. We can't discuss the affair anymore. For better or for worse, the hysterics she goes into makes the juice no longer worth the squeeze. And besides, we are largely rehashing things anyway, and that is no good. But I am not leaving. We have an entire story together and I am not starting a new one with someone new.
I am just at a loss... what the hell do I need to do or say to myself to put this past me? Time is passing, and each day spent with this on my mind is a day wasted.

I could smell it on him at the airport.
Not wanting to be alone with a drunk colleague I made an excuse and wandered off. I found him at the airport bar with two empty rocks glasses. When we landed he bellied up to the hotel bar. I went out to dinner alone, and when I came back he was still there, blitzed.
At the first client meeting he was mumbly and weird, interrupting at odd times with off-topic comments. Afterward we went on a walk to debrief, and he babbled incoherently about his gout, his personal life. He took a couple hits of a weed pen. We stopped at a restaurant and he had a whiskey rocks.
Later at the client dinner I saw him have at least three more. His behavior was putting me on edge. I could feel myself covering for him, being artificially chipper. Just like I was with my Q.
He kept slurring and trying to rally the clients to go to a karaoke bar, but none of the clients were really drinking, and it was getting awkward. Well, beyond awkward. My lovely clients didn't say anything directly, but they insisted on walking me back to the hotel.
When the elevator arrived I pretended to have a phone call and waved goodbye. Later I walked by his room and saw an hours-old grubhub order in front of his door.
I told my boss, and he believed me. It's being handled with HR now, but I'm dreading the whole process. I'm feeling triggered and doubting my instincts.
It felt just like it did with my Q. Brushing past the weird oversharing comments. Waiting for her to explode.
i'm spiraling a little, feeling guilty for speaking up (even though I rationally know this isn't my fault). My coworker has now texted, slacked and emailed about what a good time everything was. Like he's fishing for me to confirm he wasn't a train wreck? I'm not responding.
I hate this. I'm so stressed out about it.

Been with depot for a little over 3 years, and I'm finally moving on to better things. I originally gave myself 2 years here but stayed longer because of some personal stuff that would've made changing jobs hard. Everyone I'm going to miss has my number or has gotten a sincere goodbye from me. I'm not going to miss any of the bullshit from the customers or some of my dumbass coworkers. I will say I will miss having relevant stuff to throw in here lol. I remember when we had to petition the reddit gods to allow us to swear. Thanks Depot

PRETEXT: This is the first poem I’ve written and I’m very nervous. I’ve written it for my partner for our anniversary, which is tomorrow. I’d love to get some feedback on this and reassurance that it isn’t terrible!
If you ever need me, I’ll be there, wherever And I’ll make sure the ever stays in forever When things are cold I’ll bring back the spring When things get rough I’ll pull out the sting
If you’re blown out then I’ll light your fuse When I am the painter, you are the muse And if you need me to sail the storm I’ll be your way, your shape, and form
I’ll make Fridays come around quick If things dont click, then Ill make them click I’ll make sure that your demons stay in the past And make sure no goodbye is ever the last
I’ll be the body and I’ll be the mind The drugs you need when the world isn’t kind I’ll sort the truth, out from the lies Give you the answers when you want to know why
I’ll be the one to forgive your mistakes Eat all the apples served up by the snakes Be the life support when you feel on deaths door When you’ve nothing to give I won’t let them take more
I’ll find the last bit of pace when you’re engine has gone Fight in your armies no matter which side of history you’re on Whatever your mood I will find you a song I’ll be your bark when the cats got your tongue
I’ll try to be the reason that there’s always something to lose Mix in green and red when all you’re seeing are blues I’d drink the oceans and stare out the sun Just to make sure your bad day is undone
And one day, I might need it too But if you have got me, then I have got you I might not be perfect but I promise to prove If you have got me, then I have got you

I spent last month working part-time at a restaurant and developed feelings for a coworker. I think the feeling is mutual, but we didn't have enough time to get closer. Tomorrow, I'm moving to a different country. She was sad when I told her. Although we're not too attached because it's early in the relationship, I'll probably miss her and never see her again. How should I say goodbye to her?

‼️Update‼️ I emailed the Dean and Associate Deans of my college about what happened to me (and this Reddit post) - I just sent it today (5/18), but see my post to see what I wrote: https://www.instagram.com/p/C7HhcsrOfZh/?igsh=MXNkMHd4Z2F0bG1pYg==
I want to clarify - I’ve been away from academia for a hot minute- I have a Job that I really love and am passionate about - I’m finally getting to use chemistry to help people and it’s feels amazing. My coworkers are really great and super kind, seeing the difference between heathy vs toxic environments is actually one of the biggest reasons i just can’t stay silent anymore. I love chemistry, I writing, I love art, so I’m gonna use the last two to try to make the first one better.
See my instagram for work I’ve written about the abuse I’ve been subjected to and witnessed during grad school:
I’m the girl who wrote that poem about my prof almost working me to death 🤠
https://www.instagram.com/p/C7Da_9rOnNi/?igsh=MWZhbXE2bGF2dzl2aA==
Why aren’t the faculty concerned? Why aren’t universities administrators concerned? It’s everywhere, it’s not just my university, it’s not just chemistry, it’s academia. It’s universities allowing professors basically unchecked power over students. It’s students complaints not being taken seriously. It’s faculty being okay with their students being suicidal if it means they’ll get another paper out of them (and I know beyond a shadow of doubt, this last one actually happens because I’ve seen it with my own eyes, heard these conversations with my own two ears.
Why are we letting people who do shit like this be in charge of educating future scientists? How many brilliant minds have been crippled by anxiety and depression from hostile work environments? How many world changing discoveries are we going to miss out on because our scientists are leaving grad school with on average one new mental illness??
Abusive professors don’t get more work done, their work isn’t more meaningful because their students are constantly in a state of hyper vigilance. They are poisoning chemistry.
It’s way easier to come up with amazing ideas when you’re not stuck in an anxiety spiral.
I hope y’all do not relate to this post

Hey everyone,
We've just uploaded some exciting new content to our YouTube channel, Fantasy & Science Fiction @ Storynory! If you're a fan of "The Real Ghostbusters" or love imagining video game characters in unique scenarios, check these out:

• The Binding of the Undying One: A haunting poem about The Undying One, one of the villains from "The Real Ghostbusters."
• The Shadowed Reign of Gregor: Dive into the dark and mysterious world of Count Gregor with our latest poetic tribute.
• If Sigma Star Saga Were a Movie: An article discussing potential casting choices and plot changes for a film adaptation of the Game Boy Advance game "Sigma Star Saga."
• If Video Game Characters Were Your Coworkers: A fun article imagining what it would be like if iconic video game characters were your office colleagues.

We'd love for you to check them out and share your thoughts!

I miss you not only extensively, but inhumanly. Not only how you miss a human, but also how you'd miss a lung. Yes, I miss your presence - your smile, voice, and wit, your hands and their meter. (Plenty of poems to import for these, plenty of persons I've missed.) But worse, I inhale and it doesn't fill me.
I waft around shadow-limbed, cropped neuron firings I don't know what to do with. Suddenly, sometimes, I am only a shock-pulse, an ache. Sometimes my heart razes bearings and my skin raises flagpoles, and I'm certain we're looking down the same line, somewhere, towards each other.
When my mind is elsewhere, when your name is nowhere, still you are a shape in my instincts. A notch in the clock cycle, profound syncopation. You comprise me so deeply, half my movements are yours.
It's true that when we said goodbye, I cried like a child (a human, conscious in grief). But more than that, I felt firmware not-update to this relapse in the lack of you (congenital condition). My body, too adapted to the miracle cure - unable to stop pinging.
Too heafed for rewiring, too known to forget a body un-bounded, in-human bones set.
(Posted again since I made a mistake with comment links before)
https://www.reddit.com/OCPoetry/comments/1ct2rrcomment/l4cwzhn/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
https://www.reddit.com/OCPoetry/comments/1ctlk76/comment/l4cwcs5/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

For context I first got my cdl with Swift. Then I left after only 3 months because I had some shit going on that required me to be home. And I certainly wasn't in the headspace to drive a truck. Fast forward to now and things got better so I decided to revisit trucking. I went with Schneider on a dedicated account. Which worked out perfectly for me because it means I get to be home nightly.
But shortly after I started my mom informed me that she has cancer, and that it's pretty bad. That started making me spiral again and I was losing sleep. Got to a few of my pickups late and informed my boss what was going on. At first he was really understanding and told me not to worry about it. One of my coworkers also fed me some false information (probably unitentionally, he's local and I'm regional) He said the appointment start and end time on our tablets is our window to get there. So if I wanted to I could get there just before the appointment end and it'd be fine. I was relieved cuz this meant I could start later and get more sleep.
For awhile I thought I was doing well. I was getting all my loads delivered early and my driving was getting good. Fast forward to now about a month later, things have gotten pretty bad at home and my sleep has been way worse. I started sleeping in my truck so when I wake up I'm already at work. But I sleep very poorly because they don't let us idle to run the air at night. I wake up multiple times a night either drenched in sweat or fucking freezing.
Anyway, earlier this week I wasn't able to fall asleep until about 2 hours before I was supposed to be up for my pickup. I slept through all my alarms and my boss had to come out and wake me up. He explained to me that I've gotten to every single one of my pickups late and that I'm supposed to roll out of there by the end time. I got written up for it and he said I've only got 2 more strikes until I'm done. Then today I did it again. I slept really poorly last night and he had to wake me up again. At this point I think he's just done with my shit, which I don't blame him for. If I screw up one more time within 90 days I'm out. I really don't like those odds.
I don't know what to do though. I've already been pushing myself really hard, driving off of only 2 hours of sleep sometimes. I have a very hard time sleeping and the schedule doesn't help at all. Sometimes they want me up at 6 or 7 and other times 2 in the morning. This job is really important to me and I can't afford to lose it. But at the same time idk if I can do this. I feel like I'm at my breaking point. I could see a doctor but the meds they give me might make me groggy and sleep past my alarms. I could stay home and have my dying mom wake me up like I'm a little kid. But then I'm making her life harder. I've tried setting 10 different alarms with different ringers, taking super strong melatonin, etc. Nothing is working. I feel like such a piece of shit because I'm a 23 year old man and I can't even wake up for my job. If I get fired no one is gonna hire me right? So I should just kiss trucking goodbye? What do?

I look at you from across the room
Instantly feel the urge to talk to you
One more thing I'm thinking about
Why am I not sitting next to you?
I'm so jealous of that blonde girl,
Cute blue dress with white ribbons.
I can't help it, I feel this way deeply.
Though I should be grateful, not angry.
I get to live in the same town
get to call you ever since lockdown
get to see the same purple sky
As you, every single cold night.
I think I might just die.
You're literally a rockstar
Carrying around your guitar
And when you start playing
I immediately start shaking
Shivers running down my spine
I can't believe it, this is real life!
I can't help it I'm taking pictures
I can't help it I'm shouting curse words
I can't help it if you're like this
You're unbelievable, actually...
I love the way your curly hair looks
It's giving 1950s yearbooks
Imagine if we had lived then
It all would have been so weird
No social media to stalk you No close friends story to post to which you'd react and call. Not knowing I only let YOU see it all.
All the shit you've been put through, I wanna kill the people who've hurt you I'll literally fight them one by one Then hide their bodies in my backyard And don't worry the cops won't find me or if they do it will still be worth it
I can tell you this one thing for sure I won't let you cry for no more I don't want any tears running down On your cheeks, through your dimples. (Unless of course they're happy tears)
Everytime I write in my journal I can't help but feel fortunate To write down your name Because Girl you never fail to amaze me!
School bells ring, classes end I go up to you and you pull me in. We say goodbye, see you next week The weekend's here, oh how great! It of course makes me happy. But I can't help overthinking. Did I do something wrong? What if my spell comes off? I've only used it a few times before.
You always put a smile on my face I love how you smell and the roses in your hair. The adorable way you laugh, While I tell you my, silly poems. Gosh, I love hanging out with you, I know, you'll shine eternally!
You always make me feel great Because you're just so amazing Why are you so nice to me? Like actually, why do I deserve this? I think I don't, not at all I feel now, that it will come to end.
Until then, I want you to know I love you wholeheartedly, And will forever do! There is just, no one quite like you! C. This is for you.

FIRST CHAPTER
PREVIOUS CHAPTER
This product is a fanfic of the Sexy Space Babes/Between Worlds product of u/Bluefishcake and one I highly suggest you read. It was created with permission, but give the OG works some love.
Imgr gallery of Comissioned and Fan Artworks
I'm Back Bitches! Again!
//////////
Junior Systems Engineer First Class Che’keero knelt before a semi-sparking control panel and sighed. She, and a large band of her fellow Engineers with Marine support, had boarded the pirate frigate with the singular goal of ensuring that the pirates didn’t scuttle their floating hulk and doom the slaves aboard to a, if they were lucky, a swift death in space.
The problem, of course, came with the pirate’s maintenance schedules and decisions to forgo certain… safety measures when it came to repair.
Like the panel before her. Usually a perfectly functional control system for the reverse-magnetic bulkhead doors that ensured void seals in power outages, some pirate at some point in their dumb, dumb life decided to fix the panel blowing a fuse… by ripping the fuse out and replacing it with a high density power cable. Which meant the entire thing was one massive shock hazard and actively sparking as the reactors deep in the ship flickered and surged due to damage.
Che’keero swore as an arc of electricity flashed towards her face after a tool that was not supposed to be magnetized, cheap dick WaDepth requisitions, caught a magnetic field, fusing the entire system shut and turning the formerly barely functional control system into nothing but pretty, decorative wiring and cheap solder. She punched the now utterly unfunctional control box and toggled on her radio. “Three-Two to Three-Lead, this door’s fried. You’ll need to bring in the cutters if we want to get to the rest of the ship. Might as well also bring in an inflatable airlock, I’m not liking how some of the metal strain sensors are flashing at me.”
A semi-synthetic voice replied back to Che’keero, “Three-Lead copies. I’ll be over there shortly with the stuff. Double check those sensors, I’m not getting the same readings, so let’s make sure something isn’t blocking errors from reaching me.”
“Copy that Three-Lead, Three-Two ou-” Something tapped against the back of her helmet and Junior Systems Engineer First Class Che’keero mentally swore.
“Now, now, lassie, how about you sit right there and don’t move.” A nasally, unfamiliar voice called out to her while tapping what a camera she set up to watch her back revealed to be a laser pistol to Che’keero’s helmet. “I think that you’re going to be our new best friend and way off this dead end ship.”
Che’keero paused, letting the situation settle in her mind, “Wait, what? Are… are you taking me hostage?”
“Yes!” The pirate replied.
“Why?”
“Why what?”
“Why are you taking me hostage? This won’t work, none of the shuttles are jump capable and if you try anything, you’ll just end up jumped by marines. They specifically train to deal with pirates taking their engineers hostage. If you want to survive, you should just surrender and take the penal colony when it’s offered.” Che’keero mentioned, shrugging and continuing her inspection of the door.
The pirate seemed baffled at the sheer nonchalance of this response, the pistol slowly falling to merely point at her upper back instead of her head, “You… you really aren’t taking this seriously. I’m a pirate! I’ve killed people! I’ve killed boys, and you’re just sitting there like this doesn’t mean anything!”
“I mean… I wouldn’t say that.” Che’keero replied.
“THEN WHAT DO YOU MEAN!” The pirate screamed, the pistol moving away from Che’keero’s body by a fraction of an inch during an angry gesture.
It was at that point, a ceramic alloyed, carbon steel blade punched clean through the back of the pirate’s suit, slicing through their central nervous system and striking with enough force to shatter the faceplate of said pirate’s helmet on the way out. Muscles twitching, the laser pistol fired off randomly, missing Che’keero and slagging a chunk of bulkhead.
“I’m just buying time,” Che’keero replied cheekily.
“You really need to remember to check your cameras,” The semi-synthetic voice of Ventures Forth Bravely Into Great Unknowns commented as the ex-pirate fell to the ground and blue blood dripped from the long blade sprouting from her right arm and a toolbox hanging from her left hand. “This isn’t the first time you have been flanked, and this one wasn’t during training.”
“Look, I’m sorry. It won’t happen again.” Che’keero replied a bit testily.
“I’m sorry…” Ventures Forth prodded.
“I’m sorry, Ma’am.”
“Much better. Right, now what do we see in this- yeah you were right on it being fried.” Ventures Forth gently shoved the Junior Systems Engineer aside and took her place at the control panel. “Do a sweep of the strain systems. I don’t want this section of the ship breaking apart. Feel free to call up our hull patches. We’ve got plenty to share and this might have to be a lifeboat.”
“Aye, ma’am aye,” Che’keero replied with a crisp salute before rushing off to her duty.
Deeper inside the ship, Ventures Forth could hear laser fire, clashing of metal on metal, and cries for help.
The pirate ship was doomed, it was shattered and broken, but it was not destroyed. Not yet. \
And if she had her way, Ventures Forth Bravely Into Great Unknowns would keep it that way.
//////////
Roshal stood still as her steward continued to clean the dark blue and rapidly congealing blood off her armored form. “Comms,” She called out, “Do we have any contact with the shuttle we sent to the station?”
“Negative, ma’am.” The comm officer replied. She wasn’t the same one that was present when Roshal left to fend off the boarders. At the unspoken question, the woman continued “Communication’s Mate Second Class Lev’tal, ma’am. My superior got a concussion when the pirate ship rocked our ship during boarding. Strap snapped, prior damage. I took over.”
Roshal nodded approvingly, “Good initiative. Send a message to the station, see if we can’t rai-”
“Ma’am! Contact!” One of her sensor techs called out, “Belay that, two contacts. First contact, nav point 782 spinward, possible bogey, cruiser weight. Unknown movements. Second contact, nav point 102 coreward, aerospace assets inbound. Small flight. Hard to determine numbers due to damage. No less than two, no more than five.”
“Focus on getting a hard contact on that possible cruiser. Weapons, what is the status of our anti-aerospace.” Roshal demanded, holding her sword arm out for the steward to scrub at a particularly clotted chunk of blood splattered over her wrist.
The weapons officer shook her head, “If we’re lucky, then we’ve got 20% coverage on half our sides. If we’re very lucky, I might be able to bump that number up to 35%. Not going to quote doctrine, but that’s not nearly enough to fend off a flight of Aerospace assets on a strike run, and that’s assuming they don’t hit us on an unprotected flank.”
Roshal nodded once more, “Sound general quarters and get weapons and tactical back online. Tell the damage control parties to not be distracted and focus on critical systems first. Engine room, report. Can you give me maneuvering thrust?”
The nearby ship phone chimed in with a staticy hiss, “Negative, ma’am. The shot we made with the spinal mount tripped breakers up and down the reactor room. This isn’t an engine problem, we need to make sure our reactor doesn’t blow up when we siphon power. Before you ask, emergency power is still flowing and none of their circuits tripped, but that means we’re down to life support, basic systems, and dockyard thrusters. It will take at least 20 to get the reactor in a safe state. If you want 10, send the chaplain down so we have someone praying for good luck. The fact most of our structural engineers are doing an EVA boarding to ensure the pirate ship next to us doesn’t go critical and render the entire exercise moot isn’t helping matters at all.” The engine room replied Roshal bit down a bit of annoyance at the snark, but engineers were always a finicky sort with authority. They were the first to remind uptight officers that while the Captain’s word may be iron law, it was their work that truly moved the ship.
“Confirmed, engine room.” Roshal instead replied. “Chaplains will be arriving shortly. Do what you can and inform me when you’re three minutes out from full power.”
The engine room didn’t even bother replying, just sending over the affirmative light as they got to work. Roshal approved of that. Sometimes, you just had to insult someone in order to get it working right.
“Captain, we have confirmation on contact. He’s an Alliance Karcharidon class Heavy Cruiser on intercept course. Energy readings are spiking… they’re charging their guns, ma’am!”
“Issue a hostile challenge and give me a firing solution with any gun still functional.”
“No response, ma’am. Hostile Karcharidon is increasing speed. Hard contact in 15 minutes.”
Roshal snarled, emotion breaking through her mask. “Of course, the pirates had one more vessel. Helm, fire our maneuvering thrusters, use the pirate hulk as cover. Weapons, get whoever’s left of our Interceptor flight to engage the enemy. Comms, get me in contact with the merchant fleet, tell them to evacuate. We’ll provide cover.”
“Aye ma’am.” The Communications Mate Second Class said with a shiver in her voice. “Sending-”
“Update on Aerospace assets!” Her sensor tech called out.
“Deliver!” Roshal demanded, cutting off the comms officer with a slice of her hand.
“Weapons fire. Definitely less than four contacts. Seems to be two grou- negative, only two contacts remaining- weaponsfire- one contac- IFF received, oh goddesses, IT’S RUNOFF THREE! FRIENDLY AEROSPACE INBOUND!”
//////////
Milk gripped her crash harness hard as Cookie slammed the Interceptor’s fusion torch clean past its safe thrust marker and into the red as g forces crushed her chest. “Last target down.” She reported after Cookie’s final laser burst hit something critical inside the final Aerospace fighter’s frame. “That’s 20 for 20. All enemy bogeys down. All standard munitions are in the black. Static drive is 48%, dump core ejected. All we’ve got left is our ASM and front laser.”
Cookie flashed back an affirmative signal.
“We going for that cruiser?”
Another affirmative.
“Well, I’m braced and ready on the release. Ready.”
“Ready.” Cookie spoke, his voice horse.
It’s funny what people think when their lives are on the line. Because charging towards a fresh enemy Heavy Cruiser, nothing but a single anti-shipping missile worth a damn, no allied support but the faint glimmer in IFF screens of their fellow flight doing the same… all Aoibhinn McDermott could think of was a poem she had read at least a decade ago or more at the Naval Academy.
Half a league, half a league,
Half a league onward,
All in the Valley of Death
Rode the six hundred.
//////////
Ventures Forth Bravely Into Great Unknowns could do nothing but furiously swear as the basic sensor system her engineering team had restored on the thoroughly ventilated secondary command bridge of the pirate hulk revealed an enemy Heavy Cruiser bearing down upon their homeship.
“Weapons are trashed. We cored their reactor, anyway.” One of the tangential engineers reported, “Other teams are calling in. Things are worse where they are. We’ve found the slaves, though, luckily it was one of the few airtight bays. Also, have some more captives, but that really doesn’t matter right now.”
“No shit.” Ventures Forth replied, “Can we do anything?”
The engineer looked back to her, visor depolarizing so the Gearschilde can look into the black and yellow eyes of her Shil coworker.
“Pray.” The woman replied simply.
Ventures Forth Bravely Into Great Unknowns did just that.
//////////
Low chanting filled the engine bay as a small group of priests stood around the engine praying to whichever god that would listen to allow them one more shot. One more fight.
Around them, black handed engineers scurried, ripping out blown fuses and replacing them with soldered in high strength wire. A final measure of desperation. Sparks flew as engineers swore and chaplains prayed, power still remaining in circuits needing to be bled out before bypasses could be installed, turning every bit of solder and every ripped out fuse into a deadly gamble.
Already, someone was lying on the ground, no longer twitching.
They didn’t have time to check on their fallen comrade, the work was too important.
A clock ticked down. Four minutes elapsed.
//////////
Lieutenant Commander Cenywyn swore as she watched Runoff 2 die.
Their single Interceptor had mistimed a maneuver and had been caught dead in the middle of an Anti-Aerospace array, shredded in an instant. The only consolation she could take was that, seeing as the first shot went clean through the cockpit, they didn’t even notice they died.
“Runoff 4, stay in formation.” She ordered over the radio, “We’ll lead you in for the run.”
“Yes ma’am.” The hesitant voice of Junior Flight Lieutenant Griogill replied. She swallowed, “We’re- we’re ready when you are.”
“No fear, Lieutenant,” Cenywyn called back to the child she was leading to her death. “We’re pilots in the Imperial Patrol. We do our duty. No fear.”
A clock ticked down. Six minutes elapsed.
//////////
“Talk to me!” The last remaining senior engineer in the reactor bay called out to anyone who was able to reply.
Someone, she didn’t even bother looking to see who, called back “We’ve bypassed 60% of the fuses. Should be able to give ourselves a burst of combat power. No more than 10 minutes of it before the entire system overheats and we either die, or the reactor shuts off.”
“Any chance we can get more than 10 minutes?”
“Not before that Heavy Cruiser delivers us straight to the stars.”
“Fuck it, good enough.” She slammed her fist on the ship phone’s dialing button resting near the console the engineer had just ripped the last safety override out of. “Captain. We’ve got your power. You give us the word, and we’ll give you ten minutes.”
//////////
Roshal breathed in, breathed out, and nodded. 10 minutes of combat power before the entire ship shut down into uselessness. She’d done more with less. She couldn’t remember when, but she had. Luckily, this was a Patrol Carrier instead of a standard ship, so it was more than capable of combat maneuvers with nothing but RCS thrusters. That should give her some time.
Movement, movement was going to be the key.
“Comms, tell the engineering crews on the hulk that they are ordered to figure out anything that could draw the attention of the Heavy Cruiser,” She began, “Systems, break our mooring lines. We’re going to have to split from the hulk. Helm, prepare for maneuvers. RCS only. We are going to have to do this carefully. Engineroom, prepare for power activation, but hold until my command.”
This needs to be perfect, Roshal thought, A single mistimed action ruins it all.
A clock ticked down. Ten minutes elapsed. The Karcharidon had entered maximum weapon’s range.
//////////
He of Slender Tail shivered where he stood. The secondary command bridge was silent as Roshal began giving orders to fight. This was… this was insane.
They were in a ruined ship with nothing but a merchant fleet beginning to flee and a three thirds dead pirate hulk on their side against a fresh Karcharidon class Heavy Cruiser.
They couldn’t win.
This was suicide.
They would die here.
\ So why didn’t He of Slender Tail feel afraid?
He stood at his post, a secondary bridge console where he would relay orders to other departments, freeing up the other Watchkeeper to collate those orders, there was nothing he could do to help win this impossible battle, and yet…
And yet he felt heat blossoming inside his chest with every single order delivered.
“Mooring teamsss, you are to cut your linesss immediately.” He relayed to a crew of Shil scurrying around the ruined bulkheads, “Damage control, prepare for electrical firesss and arcsss.” He commanded, switching between teams instantly.
He didn’t feel fear. He could see his Watchkeeper shiver every time the sensors reported the enemy contact was still closing, but he didn’t feel the same.
What he felt… was indignation.
How dare this pirate scum threaten his vessel, his crew. How dare they ambush this valiant ship after they had fought so hard to win. How dare they.
He let his fangs fold out as he spat the next order, “Anti-Aerossspace teamsss, prepare your batteriesss for grouped fire. Gunnery calculationsss are on their way.”
How dare they stand up to him.
A clock ticked down. 12 minutes elapsed. Weapons fire.
//////////
Roshal swayed slightly as she could feel the ship beneath her feet move. Movement is life in naval warfare, movement is death. “Right RCS fire, bring us clear of the hulk. Bow thrusters, up twenty.”
“Aye, ma’am, aye, right standard and bow up twenty.” The Helmswoman replied.
“Confirmed. Next maneuver, give us rear thrust-”
“Torpedo!” The sensor operator called out in a shrill voice, “Two marks on intercept course! Range, twelve K and closing fast!”
“Decorum!” Roshal snapped at the panicking sensor technician. “Comms, order Runoff flight to divert and intercept those torpedoes. Rear RCS to full, give us momentum.”
Roshal turned away from the bridge as affirmations were shouted, and the ship began to move, “Engineering, prepare to activate combat power on my mark and prepare for hard maneuvers. Mark in five.”
//////////
Griogill swallowed bile and tried not to feel too thankful that the enemy vessel had fired torpedoes at their home ship. Being diverted from an attack run had a much higher chance of survival than striking through an AA bubble.
“Runoff 4 engaging far torpedo. Moving in for intercept. Bre’kas, give me lock.”
Griogill’s backseater muttered something, and a target lock appeared on the far torpedo as Runoff 1, their previous Drill Sergeants, dashed by in a hard burn and blazed away at their own target.
“Right. We can do this. We can do this. No fear.” The rookie muttered as the sight of her friends in Runoff 3 being turned to vapor echoed in her mind. “I can do this.”
The target locked. She fired. The torpedo detonated.
A clock ticked down.
//////////
“Mark in four.”
//////////
The Heavy Cruiser loomed closer as the comparatively tiny Patrol Carrier spat its defiance in the form of two Interceptors dancing between the stars.
As a pair of torpedoes detonated, four more were launched, the anti-shipping weapons built for this specific purpose. Destroying disabled vessels.
And so the last two remaining Interceptors on CAP dove into the fray, risking themselves against an ever approaching AA bubble in order to save their ship.
A clock ticked down.
//////////
“Mark in three.”
//////////
All Cookie could do was stare and push his meager aerospace fighter further on its nuclear thrusters as shimmering dots of torpedoes lanced out from the Heavy Cruiser attacking his new home.
He pushed his hand forward and felt the throttle once more push back against him, the lever pushed all the way past safe thrust and into the further setting on his console.
The Interceptor was fast. It didn’t feel fast enough.
And so he spoke the words he spoke once before, back when he’d had to listen to his backseater’s screams of pain and the rush of wind after shrapnel pierced his fuselage, and the hospital was so, so far away.
Father, I pray that you will not hide your face from me. Whenever I pray, Lord please hear me and answer me speedily in Jesus' name. God, I pray that you will grant me speed through your help.
A clock ticked down.
//////////
“Mark in two.”
//////////
The Heavy Cruiser shifted, engine flaring and it began to close the range. A single disabled ship on emergency RCS thrusters and a pair of Aerospace fighters was nothing it would have to deal with.
It fired a third spread of torpedoes.
A clock ticked down.
//////////
They took the bait. Roshal thought with a vicious grin.
“Mark in one.” She paused, “Execute.”
In an instant, power flowed through the ship, emergency lights flickered off as the burning red boarding lights returned their fiery glow. The entire ship shook as the main thruster came back online, and capacitors began to charge for maneuvers.
“Hard burn, full thrusters, right, on my mark.” Roshal watched as the Heavy Cruiser began to react to her movements, the enemy ship was alive, you needed to roll to broadsides to begin bombardment, come on come on…
Roshal watched as a torpedo flickered out of existence, Runoff 4 gaining another kill.
Come on, dammit, you don’t get put in charge of a Heavy Cruiser without- THERE!
The Heavy Cruiser flinched, turning her bow away from the no longer stricken vessel, preparing for broadside.
The Captain’s grin showed more teeth than smile. “Execute! Full right thrust!”
“Full right thrust! Aye ma’am aye!” Her helmswoman called out as maneuvering thrusters dead cold roared to life and physically threw the vessel to the side, causing everyone not strapped in on the bridge to rock as a barrage of fire flew past their former location, manual targeting systems in play since the automatic systems would still be getting warmed up.
“Full thrust forward, prepare to divert all power to secondary weapons. Weapons, give me a firing solution.” Roshal commanded, hand raised and pointed at the enemy’s display as if she were commanding from a tall ship.
A chant of “Aye ma’am aye” flowed out across the bridge as the weaponsmistress was silent before calling out. “Port side is up to 45% secondary fires and 32% point defense. That’ll be our best bet.”
Roshal nodded. “Make it so. Target their main weapons. Helm, get us that facing.”
“Ma’am. We’re getting a call from Runoff 3. They are entering the AO and are asking for a target.”
Roshal smiled, “Weapons, shift target. Aim for the anti-aerospace systems. Let’s give Runoff 3 the opening they need.”
A clock ticked down.
//////////
“Cookie, we’ve got a targeting path.” Milk called forward. “Putting it up on your HUD.”
“One second… I’ve got it. Moving to comply. Did the Captain give us a plan?” her front seater replied, causing her stomach to do funny things as the Aerospace Fighter maneuvered while under high thrust.
“Something like that. She asked for a munitions report and specifically about our anti-shipping weapon.”
Cookie paused.
“Ah.” He finally said.
“Yeah.” She replied.
“Well, let’s hope they’re able to open us up to a window of opportunity. Or this will be a short charge.”
“Not our place to question why.”
“Just our place to do and die.”
Time to target… three minutes.
Into the valley of Death, rode the six hundred.
A clock ticked down.
//////////
Two vessels, three Aerospace fighters, one chance.
Six minutes of power remained. All actors took their places on the stage.
One hundred kilometers, close enough to check the weld quality of hull seams, the two ships danced across from each other. Maneuvering.
Five minutes of power remained.
The Karcharidon Heavy Cruiser rolled itself trying to keep the vulnerable top deck away from the Patrol Carrier’s presumably still working main gun as Roshal’s vessel jumped to the side. Thrusters roared.
Four minutes of power remained.
Runoff 1 and 4 shot towards their formerly separated comrade, forming up behind them in a wedge. The trio climbed towards the sun as their captain continued to chase and harass the Karcharidon.
Three minutes of power remained.
Roshal spoke. The lances of her vessel fired. Laser blasts carved across the hull of the enemy ship as it rolled.
The rolling ceased. A helmswoman swore as a full broadside caught the Patrol Carrier in the flank. The port hangar pod was ruined, armor shattered and all inside exposed to hard vacuum. Those who could scream died the fastest. The Interceptors had their opening.
Two minutes of power remained.
Silent wings swept through vacuum as three Interceptors began their dive, their formerly speedy arrowhead shape giving way to an inverted t as their wings swept out for stability, the ASF dove and dove and dove.
Five Kilometers away.
The range was too wide. They had one shot. It had to be perfect.
One minute of power remained.
The Into Harm’s Way spat its defiance into the world, limited power drained to give her pilots a seconds more of time.
30 seconds of power remained.
Three Kilometers.
Hard Lock! Milk shouted from the back seat of Runoff 3. Cookie was silent. The range was still too wide.
15 seconds of power remained.
Two Kilometers.
The Karcharidon seemingly began to roll before the Patrol Carrier once more fired, its last remaining weapons spouting their defiance against the world. Deep in engineering, systems began to blow, wires that replaced fuses sparked power and delicate circuit boards shorted out into useless scrap.
The lights went out.
No power remained.
Roshal, in her head, began to count down as lances of light began to sweep across her ship. Damage control did what they could, but the beams began to cut like an overly enthusiastic shipbreaker.
Five.
One Kilometer.
Four.
Cookie’s thumb depressed the firing stud as the Interceptor screamed at him.
Three.
The ASF launched its deadly payload.
Two.
Three Interceptors pulled back hard on their sticks to avoid colliding with the deck.
One.
The thruster of the anti-shipping missile roared as it rocketed the point blank aerospace distance to target.
Impact.
The armor piercing tip of the missile punched into the upper deck plating of the Heavy Cruiser, classified alloys allowing it to pierce into the armored plating just enough to allow the shaped charge to open up a hole as momentum kept the weapon moving.
Within the frame of a single second, the warhead of the missile had entered the ship and, before the alarms even had time to sound, detonated.
A new sun appeared in the void for a split second as a plasma-fusion warhead detonated inside the Karcharidon heavy cruiser’s hull.
//////////
Roshal allowed herself to breathe a sigh of relief inside her head as the emergency power lights flickered overhead and the gravity ever so slightly lightened. What was left of their sensor arrays showed the enemy vessel powering down. “Engineering. Good work, your 10 minutes were just what she needed.” She called out, picking up the ship phone.
There was no answer from engineering.
She signed externally before pointing at one of the marines guarding the bridge, “Find a crewmate in a void suit. I have need of runners.” The marine clasped a fist to her chest before leaving to execute her captain’s commands. “Comms, do we have any contact with the engineering teams on the pirate hulk?”
The Comms officer held up a hand, Roshal waited, “No, ma’am. We aren’t getting- wait. We’ve got visual on flashing lights from the hull. Apparently, something shorted, so they’re having to rebuild broadcast arrays. They can receive just fine, though.”
“Good, once we can maneuver, bring us broadside of them. What’s the status of the merchant fleet?”
Navigation spoke up now, “Still heading for the Jump Point. Should we send the recall order?”
“Not yet, we are still unsure if the area is safe. If we have any sensors remaining, begin sca-”
The mentioned sensor technician interrupted Captain Roshal, “Ma’am, new contact, signature unknown. Just jumped in from outside the starlane!”
“Give me details. Course, range, and speed?” She demanded.
“Signal confused, can’t get a lock!” Navigation called out, “Can’t tell if confusion’s from them or us.”
Not another one… Roshal sighed, “All forces prepa-”
“Ma’am, we’re being hailed.” Communications called out.
“On squawk.”
“This is Captain Al’yosha Cal’rada of Her Imperial Majesty’s Ship Spear of the Knyaginya, responding to Merchant vessel distress calls. Imperial Patrol Carrier, are you in need of assistance at this time?”
Roshal recognized the voice. A junior officer from her days in the Navy and a fellow Sevastutavan. The memory of the fresh faced girl when she’d joined her as an Ensign straight of the Naval Academy flashed before her eyes. “Captain Cal’rada. Your timing is impeccable as always.”
“Admiral?” Roshal could hear the shock in her old protege’s voice.
“That’s Captain, now, Al’yosha. I require your aid in ensuring the disabled vessel still glowing from an ASM strike remains disabled along with Search and Rescue teams for our sister Carrier.
“Whatever you want, you’ll have it, Admiral_… Helm! All ahead flank and plot course to intercept. Launch gunships and prepare to deploy Bluejackets. We’ll test our _Orcas’ teeth today!”
The line cut out a moment later than it should have, and Roshal nodded in approval.
“Captain, I still don’t have a read on new contact. What is it?” Sensors asked.
“A Drep’na inspired vision, come to life.” Roshal watched, feeling an odd sort of parental pride as Al’yosha’s experimental warship began closing the distance towards the Karcharidon at breakneck speeds. “A swift sailing vessel and ten carriage guns…” Roshal murmured the line from an old Vaasconian poem from the ancient Age of Sail. She had heard Cal’rada had succeeded in petitioning the Navy to build her dream-ship, burning every favor and passing out favors to any and everyone to see the program through. Now, there she was, standing on the bridge bearing down on a ship twice her size, but if the rumors were true, only half her guns.
“Ma’am, contact is still not resolving, but IFF confirms Imperial Navy designation. An Akula Class Attack Transport. I’ve… I’ve never even heard of this class.”
“Perhaps we shall hear of them more in the future. Fortune favors the active.”
“Contact is disgorging multiple signals, moving at speeds consistent with aerospace assets.”
“That is our signal we may disengage. Comms, inform the merchant fleet that the area is secure and to begin refueling procedures. Helm, get us alongside the pirate hulk, we have people to recover. Marine, get me a runner to the MP’s, we shall need the port hangar prepared for an old tradition the Navy has regarding pirate prisoners…” Roshal commanded. The fight was over, it was time to begin the cleanup.
//////////
So… that took a while. Sorry about that.
Turns out when a combination of writer’s block, decision paralysis and LIFE hits you over the head, it becomes a touch difficult to get your shit together long enough to write something down.
On the plus side, we are out of the “unplanned bits” and right back into the parts I have brainstormed, so I won’t be staring at a screen trying to think how to make things connect as much anymore. On the other hand, that means we are now entering the epilogue of book 1 of Top Lasgun.
Don’t worry, the story isn’t ending, I’ve got “three” books plotted out in my head, so we’ll see how that shakes out, but for the most part, this is where I start wrapping up plot threads, laying down threads for what comes next, and all that other good stuff.
So yeah, next chapter is going to involve everyone wrapping up what happened here, some fun little Military Justice, and potentially a bunch of plot. Also, I’m planning on starting a “rewrite”/edited version of this to go up on AO3, so keep an eye out for that. Early installment weirdness is a bitch and I’m not proud of what the older stuff looked like.
Well, I hope you have a wonderful morning, afternoon or evening whenever you read this and I will see you next chapter.
[NEXT CHAPTER]

shy or uninterested?
games playing or shy?
Mainly coming from my gut, F(20) it tells me this coworker has secretly been into me M(22). For a good 8 months.
Is that possible?
He’s a gentleman. Attempted to fix my tire and ended up giving me a ride home. I didn’t ask but I did complain a little about the stress and he offered his spare. Wasn’t compatible. So he offered a ride home.
Will be sweet at times and soft voiced. Very shy type, I low key or intimidate him in some way, hopefully in a positive light. He treats the others like homegirl/boys, but me, he stutters and breaks eye contact out of nervousness. We can’t even hold a conversation. If so, it’s forced and awkward.
I can tell he loves my eyes, by the way we just stare a little few seconds too long. Or maybe time just feels freezed. Our intense contrasting eye colors strangely intensifies the eye lock. He loves to take a good four seconds to respond before I ask him a question. Prolonged. Eye contact.
Got them just locked sometimes and its enough to leave me questioning, does he want me
Anyways, after my crush manifested I began to observe him a little.
He always needs to say bye to me. (Strange thing he does) compliments people around me when the compliment was obviously meant for me . Ex. said his homeboy smells like vanilla and has a mysterious aura. (I wear heavy vanilla perfume, i’m quiet asf and he isn’t gay just saying. His friend is the complete opposite as the description) BUT WHY if this is meant for me, is it said to his friend ?
Shy around only me. He treats me very different from others girls and easily chat up a storm. Funny enough, he’s a mute for the most part around me. He will talk confidently loud to his friends, but the moment I try to start a convo he cuts it short. And shows obvious signs of nervousness that wasn’t previously shown around the other girls.
The bad side of him is the jealousy i’ve noticed. Anytime we got new male coworkers he keeps me away after them, demanding me around if he noticed me talking to them. And giving me silent treatment after I talked to them.
Another strange thing he did was attempt to insult me if I somehow “hurt his feelings” Ex. I called him his brothers name on accident (they sound the same) and i didn’t apologize because social anxiety and busy w/ work during the shift.
And before he left to say goodbye he intentionally pauses long and turns staring at me stating “I forgot your name for like one second..” after saying my name like 10 times while demanding me the whole shift.
I can’t seem to understand why he got so upset over this? Was he being sarcastic? Why would he get that offended or petty? Does he like me?
Just weird part is we’ve been working together for almost 8 months now. Why no confession, I am just left with this agonizing gut feeling and a longing of just satisfying the tension in some way with an answer.
I know he thinks i’m cute , I think he’s cute. If he likes me he needs to grow pair, or stop with the unnecessary avoidance and random micro flirting. Hoping he’s just shy! But main question, why not make a move?
He does seem like the shy one, but still it’s driving me crazy wondering.
What do you think? Doesn’t like me? Does and is nervous? Please leave your ideas i’m confused. Need other view points, thank you