Gift ideas for person trying to stop smoking

As a collection of like minded individuals we must start completely ignoring the existence of the masses (I.E women, inbreds). And not in a superficial way, we shouldn’t disagree with them, we shouldn’t look at them and we certainly shouldn’t talk to them. They simply shouldn’t have any existence within our minds and then, I am convinced of this, “they” will simply cease to exist.
I am not perfect, perfection is something we must move toward. But because I am not perfect I feel myself ponder the idiocy of others. Or trying to explain my position to women. I am going to stop this. I don’t need to explain myself any more.
For a long time I DIDN’T believe truth and objectivity was possible. Clarity was an impossibility.
You don’t believe in truth? you don’t know what truth is? You cannot define truth? questions like this plagued my mind for hours, teachers in school affirmed these thoughts. I was young and Impressionable. I’m not perfect.
You can define truth. Ignore the intellectualism, ignore the thoughts of others, ignore your environment. You are truth, everything you believe is the truth. The world and people around you demand you to view things through endless layers of nuance, you don’t need it. People believe that a greater depth of understanding is equal to intelligence. That being an “expert” is a good thing. It is not, you will only yearn for more. I have yet to meet a professional or expert I respect, they are shackled to their field of knowledge. Unable or unwilling to view things from a broader more truthful perspective.
Looking at things through the lens of collective groups or definitions is also reductive. The “haves” and “have nots” are arbitrary distinction. I can harp on for hours about how the modern age strips meaning from us, refusing to allow us to view things from our own perspective. Being the critic is easy, finding an alternative is hard. That is what my father says.
So here is alternative, lift weights and dominate others. Physically and mentally. Your will is the most important thing, disregard morals, they box you in. Others will try and box you in, why? You ask, I say, disregard their motives. It is not important to know others unless you, personally, deem them of value.
These concepts; equality, post modernity, ideas, consciousness. Waste of time. Strive for excellence, strive for intelligence. They hate that I disagree, they say I am morally bankrupt, they say I live a deeply sad life. Either are true, I feel stronger, I’m happier than ever. What you feel is important, your emotions are important. Base your morals off your emotions.
They created industrial war, it is no longer an art. The 20th century told us one thing, humans want to kill each and strip each other from history. Everything is driven by profit, stand against profit for it is how they control you, shackle you to community. To the collective. Money and success is not valued by the number you have in your bank account. Actually the number in your bank account is directly correlated to have much of yourself you’ve given away. How you have betrayed yourself. Given in.
Success is happiness, and I am happy.
David foster Wallace once said that
“If you worship money and things — if they are where you tap real meaning in life — then you will never have enough. Never feel you have enough. It’s the truth. Worship your own body and beauty and sexual allure and you will always feel ugly, and when time and age start showing, you will die a million deaths before they finally plant you. On one level, we all know this stuff already — it’s been codified as myths, proverbs, clichés, bromides, epigrams, parables: the skeleton of every great story. The trick is keeping the truth up-front in daily consciousness. Worship power — you will feel weak and afraid, and you will need ever more power over others to keep the fear at bay. Worship your intellect, being seen as smart — you will end up feeling stupid, a fraud, always on the verge of being found out. And so on”
once I heard this quote I’d decided to value nothing. But I think I misunderstood the idea behind Wallace’s words. I am not perfect. Maybe you shouldn’t worship anything. Or maybe you should worship yourself, in totality. For you, the individual, is already perfect. I don’t agree with Wallace on everything, but unlike the people today he thought about things. Had original ideas, not the endless pseudo-intellectual rehashing and slight modification of ideas that have floated through the collective ethos for years. You already know everything you need to know to live this very moment, and that is all that matters.
But the truth is I want it all, yet I am told that I shouldn’t do that. Accept my weakness, let go of my childlike desires. They say; “truth is unobtainable and perfection is unobtainable”. And do you know who says that, ugly people. They shouldn’t have an opinion anyway.

I I guess I'm looking for validation that this is textbook, and I am looking at this correctly. I guess that is the effect of being gaslit - you don’t know your reality is really your reality. But I am here, and asking for help, because I will need to see him for the next 12 years (our kids go to the same school). This will be in passing and at events, but I am traumatized, still recovering, and just scared. I am looking for some insights because I spent about 2 months trying to fit my story into a box of emotional and narcissistic abuse…. But it's not that....I see that now. If you are able to share tidbits of knowledge, or point me in the direction of more clarity, I would appreciate it so much. Thank you so so much.
I am going to write out the cliff notes. I imagine a lot of you can fill in the parts I leave out as from what I read on here, it’s typical.
I met him walking my kid to school. He walked the same way every day. Over time, we became friends, and I learned he was trying to leave his marriage. Once he did, the relationship happened fast – too fast. He seemed so 100 percent sure of me and it was odd. I often looked disheveled walking to school and tired….I am not sure what he saw in me. But, I felt sure of him too, but wanted to go slower. I tried to slow it down, but at the same time, didn't. I am responsible for that. I felt like a hamster on a wheel after a few weeks and was able to tell him that I need the weekdays for myself, for my work, and for my kid. He seemed to respect that.
But he often romanticized the first few weeks together....even in the last days.
Quickly, I started to notice the emotional dysregulation. There was a lot going on for him: moving out, going through the divorce, parenting, work….so I understood it. I was also still getting to know him. Then severe trauma responses and triggers started happening. They would lead to these large child-like reactions with a lot of tears and anger. I didn't understand it but knew enough to know he had trauma to work through, and perhaps was feeling it for the first time. Each time this happened, there was nothing I could say to help or get him out of it, he would blame me a lot and say I was the cause, and he expected me (without saying it) to be there for him 110% even though I couldn’t. And truthfully, I didn’t want to….I wanted him to be able to handle that for himself or realize it was an issue. I didn't have the tools to deal with it and suggested he try deeper therapy. He agreed.
When he first met with the therapist, she told him it is like a virus takes over his brain and he is convinced in those moments. That was music to my ears at the time. But that is the last time I felt that way.
After a few months of this cycle continuing, I started detoriating. First my mental health, and then my physical health. I couldn’t breathe. I felt like we couldn’t go a few days without him reacting to something small. I wrote in my journal many times “there's no amount of validation I can give this person.”
I didn't point it to excessive adoration and validation, I could not see that really, but if he texted me 5 things and I responded to all 4 logistical ones and ended with "love you too" I was chastised. If I was driving and did not respond to an “i love you,” I was called out for it. At the end of October, I told him I needed the weekend to clean my apartment. It happened to be 60 degrees that day and of course, I would have preferred to be outside, but I am an adult and could not blow off my commitment to myself to clean. That day he messaged me 18 times that me missed me. He kept inviting me out. I kept asking him to stop, because clearly I would prefer to do something else than clean, but needed to. The missing was excessive. I didn’t even know what he meant. We lived next door to eachother. That night, I had to work, and he was upset with me because to him, it was optional and I should have chose to see him.
There were so many moments when he wanted so much comfort I couldn't provide. We were both single parents. That kind of affection goes to my kid....and I couldn't give it to him in that way. He would even want the affection when he hurt me.
He would see my daughter freak out at me and then say that I don’t love her enough, and he would joke they are the same….
It wasn’t a joke?
As time went on, and his therapy went on, and he felt validated by the therapist, the blame came on more and never left. It started in August, and even when I'd get an apology, it would be for the impact (what I'm responsible for) and not his intent. He'd argue with me over seeing his intent clearly. I'd say I don't care about your intent, you're killing me. It didn’t matter, nothing did.
I never felt like we could repair any incidents. As the blame went on, I really questioned myself. I wondered if he was right. What if I don't love enough? What if I don't receive love well? I've been in therapy for 20 years and know I have limitations but I'm not an asshole…
I felt coerced a lot of the time.
I felt he wanted me to change a lot....he wanted me to be less blunt, more loving, more balanced, work less even though he was awful with money, have sex when sick, injured or mentally dead from the day, always be happy to see him, don't be affected by the trauma responses and don't try to talk to him about it, don't take space and if I do, prepare for some kind of punishment, love him and miss him endlessly, do everything together, if I am dysregulated, he wanted me to regulate with him….
I noticed I started taking precautions to keep myself dafe. I didn’t realize I was setting boundaries to prevent the abuse but I was. I’d say I was busy when I wasn’t. I wouldn’t accept or ask him to get me from the airport, knowing I would not be 100% happy after a flight and that would cause a fight (as it did). I didn’t ask for help, and when I did ask for help, I would expect the help to not happen. I did not communicate anything he did “wrong” (like, you said you would drop off quarters for laundry on monday….do you have them?)
There were a lot of moments we would have deep conversations and I felt like we were getting somewhere, that he heard me.
I'll fast forward to the end because this is already way longer than I wanted….and it’s sad that I know it could be so much longer.
In the last month, he reacted and blamed me for everything. There were at least 5 major incidents. After the last one, I told him I was done. It was really bad and left me spending $50 to uber home in the snow, when I could barley walk as is (I had a herniated disc in my back and could barley walk). That month, I lost health insurance, and after begging for time to just take care of the injury, he told me we need intensive couples counseling. I had asked to just continue our therapist until we could change. That wasn't enough. The next weekend he asked me to go to a Gottman weekend. I said I couldn't leave my kid to do that right now and needed to take care of my help.
After that snow episode, that was really bad, laced with blame in the unpacking, I said I'm done, I can't do it. I was crying uncontrollably. I was scared. I really did not know who I was speaking to. After an hour, right when I needed to leave, he snapped out of whatever mindset he was in and told me he'd do anything, that he would work on anything, to please stay. I had to go, I could not think anymore. So in desperation, the only thing I asked for was to go alone on a trip with my daughter. He was scheduled to come with us. I said I needed time just with her. He agreed.
And honestly, he held up his end of the bargain....until he didn't.
3 days before the trip everything fell apart. I worked 12 hours that day and at the end of the day, went to pour water in a cup at home. It was the only time we had together before I left for the week. He hugged me from behind while I was pouring the water (....remember herniated disc in my back). I asked him to please stop and just let me have a second to pour the water.
He said "there's no turning back from this" and got his stuff to leave. I was floored. I was so upset because I knew where this was going - the blame game. He left, wouldn't come back, and then continued to blame me for the next 2 days about how I was an asshole the days before, only spent time with him out of obligation (not true), and rewrote history. I had a stomach bug all weekend and could not eat, but still tried to hang out as much as I reasonably could, and that was not enough.
The water incident was Wednesday, Thursday he had therapy and reinforced the blame, and I ended up leaving without saying goodbye. It was a week. I wanted to believe this relationship could survive a week. But I was clear with him days before: I am working up until I need to leave Friday so I can have real time off with my kid. He was upset I did not find him to say goodbye, even though he made no attempt to make peace earlier. But of course, my fault.
That night, he claimed down. Was nice. But it was a trap. After 12 hours of him being nice in text he said he was only doing it hoping I felt remorse and realized how wrong I was. He told me over and over he wouldn't see it differently. He said he read the transcript of our texts to 2 therapists and his friends and it’s clear: I am wrong. May be important to name here that we are both in our late 30’s.
I said that I want to work this out and I'll talk when we can actually discuss it and I'm willing to hear his side but not willing to blindly take all responsibility. He nailed me on every response, telling me how wrong my response was and what I should have done differently.
I was with my kid and could not talk. When I said "why are you doing this now, you know I can’t really respond" he told me to stop avoiding.
That night, he ghosted me for the first time in the relationship and I panicked. I called him a few times. No answer.
The next day, despite him never doing that to me before, he called me controlling for calling.
At 7am the next morning he told me our relationship was over in a text. This man, who 7 days before was professing his love and understanding of me ended the engagement in a text. This of course continued with a back and forth. I asked him to please stop. To please pause and talk to me when i'm back in 5 days. He told me to fight for the relationship or it was over. I said “I am just waking up with my 7 year old, in a hotel, please stop.” I asked him to attend couples therapy in 3 days to talk this out. He said “you accept all responsibility and change your behavior or we are done.” I asked if he was willing to talk and he said the problem was my perception and that it's wrong, so unless I change we are done. I knew this wasn't ok but I was so blindsided I did not know what to do. He agreed to go to couples therapy Thursday. We barley talked. There were a few more messages of him telling me he needs to know I can live a drama free life and celebrate his love and see it all as beautiful (almost verbatim). At this point, all I wanted to do is keep the dial down. I pushed back saying, “I cannot teach my daughter that someone can just tell her that her emotions and feelings are wrong, I hope you will be willing to talk and we can get on the same page.”
He agreed to go to couples therapy, and then didn't show up. He texted me 10 minutes before saying he was not going. I begged and pleaded. But he had the couples therapist to tell me he wasn't going to go. He had her tell me. I lost it. I lost my mind. I had been reeling for days. Not sleeping. Putting on a fake smile all day with my kid while I was dying inside. Staying up late to cry, process, read, figure out wtf was going on…
I called him about 10 times and of course, he told me it was inappropriate. He then picked up and gave me 10 minutes. He again wanted me to take all responsibility for everything. I was so shaken, I just fawned. I said ok. When I'm back I hope we can talk but if you want me to accept blame for now, fine.
Everything was calmer for 2 days until we were heading back and he texted me something along the lines of "don't fool me" I was like wtf? He said "there's no turning back. There's no other chances." I was like wait what? And then it was "don't make me look like a fool" I had no idea what was going on. I was like "um what is this?" He essentially was reinforcing his stance: I am to blame for everything in the present and past. If I try to talk to him about his side I'm wrong. I need to repent and one wrong move (defined by him) is a misstep and there's no room for error (his words). I was like....I will be in a relationship based in reality, and I will own my part and parts, but i will not be in something that i'm to blame for everything. That is not healthy. I have also been in abusive relationships before.
He then stopped messaging me. Didn't care that we got into flight issues. Didn't care we made the flight back. That night he came over and was a victim. Claimed in the 5 days I was gone he found himself. That he wasn't focused at work because of me and now he is. He wanted to try to be together. I had no idea what reality I was in. We slept together. He left. And told me we'd talk the next day. All of this felt so weird but I was just hoping he would snap out of this and back to reality and we would be able to talk. But I also knew this had to end at this point.
The next day, he didn't answer me all day. This was the opposite of behavior I ever experienced from him. Did not respond to texts or pick up the phone. We had a training appointment and he had the trainer tell me he wasn't coming. I broke down in tears. I begged him to just answer a text. He didn't. He drove by me while walking the dog and did not stop. I emailed him, expressing my confusion, telling him this is not what we agreed to. He blocked me. That night I got an email from him letting me know he was moving 10 min away. He lived next door in another apt building. He actually assured me the day before he “was not going anywhere.” In that email, he listed out the calls and texts I sent and how inappropriate it was. He never said we were done. He said taking space, needing space…so in my head I was confused but see it now.
I was inconsolable. I didn’t respond.
But here is the issue I am still in: I needed to see him dropping his kid at school the next day. I will need to see him for the next 12 years unless I move.
The following Friday he stood next to me at a school event. I purposely stood in the back to have space and be able to leave if I needed to. He went next to me. When I told him he should sit, he said he didn't want to make it obvious to his ex wife. I asked him to speak that Friday. He said ok but he was moving. I cried instantly. Already? I said ok.
On Saturday am, I saw the truck pull up and left the house. I called him that Saturday. I was blocked.
The next wednesday he asked me for a series of logistics in a text. None of which I handled yet. Wanting me to cancel flights and settle up money spent together. No mention or responsibility for all the money wasted on tickets we will never use. But then…in the text, asked for my engagement ring back.
I responded to logistics. Not the ring
He then called me 3 hours later because something went really wrong in his legal case. He wanted me to understand and validate him. I did....I just turned off my feelings for a moment. At the end he said, so about the flights. Can you handle it? "If i cancel it for you and your son i also have to do it for me and my kid. It's all on the same reservation" "well if you can go and not make sexual advances on me then we can try to go together.” I was like wtf? I could not have sex for months due to my injury. But he wanted to. Was this way of setting up blame that if we DID sleep together I would be to blame? I was like “I will cancel it for all of us.”
He then ran down more logistics and I said honestly you didn't seem done. I don't understand what you're doing. He said "im done" i hung up the phone.
He asked me for the ring again that night in a text. I said no, I need time to process this.
Everything since then has been a transaction. If i have a genuine emotion, he gets upset that i have it at all. He continues to sit next to me at school events because he claims he does not want his ex-wife to think we are done (this is insane to me….). I realize now that if it is a “good” interaction he is happy. If I am sad, then it is a “bad” one.
He never told his son we broke up, and shamed me for telling my daughter.
Recently he asked me a question and I was annoyed, and he said "can you not be mad at me?" I said “no, I can't not be mad at you…”
In the last 3 months, he’s said "I don't want to confuse things" has come up a lot. I don’t know if he is saying that to me or himself.
I have been so stuck trying to understand how I could not take space at all from him, to being totally discarded. I know he went back to spending, and drinking, but I don’t think he is seeing anyone.
He only responds when he wants to. He ignores other things. I never was able to get an MRI for my back because the claim went through a DR he set up for me and he never sent me the info when I asked.
I got the money back he owed me, but still lost so much money.
He told me he missed me one time.
I don’t know who this person is.
I will have to see him for the next 12 years while the kids are in school unless I move. I am not going to move just to avoid him, but I need to heal so I can be strong enough. I don’t know if he is going to try to come back. I have been in therapy and am getting clearer about what brought me into this in the first place.
Any clarity you can help me with, on this, and what may come from here, would be really helpful. It will help me direct some of my searches and begin to piece things together to process in therapy. I have severe anxiety when I run into him at school.
I have never had to heal from something like this before. At first, I thought it was healing from a narcissistic discard….this feels like so much more.
Does it sound like he will want to come back?
Is there ever closure?

So sorry for any mistakes, we’re portuguese and English is not my first language. I need help in legal terms and how we can proceed in a situation like this. So, my cousin (29F) has an ex-boyfriend (33M), who she was with for 7 years. Last year she finally had enough of the physical and psychological abuse and decided to end it. He reacted very badly to the breakup and even tried to get back together with her several times, but to no avail. Two months ago, my cousin was going to work and when she was trying to start the car, it wouldn't start. As soon as she went out to see what was going on, she had a flat front tire and ended up being late. She thought maybe she had gone up a curb and went to change the front tires, as they have to be the same (at least here). Two weeks later, the same situation occurred, but on the other front tire, which made her suspicious, as it was the second time it had happened. She didn't change the tires right away, as she was in a more complicated financial situation and decided to go to work by bus. When she checked the car again to change the tires, the back tire on the opposite side was also flat and appeared to have knife marks. Because of all the money she was spending on tires, she asked me to stay at her house for a while, see if we could take turns and see if anyone else was doing this. My cousin and I stayed at the window every night until midnight (since we usually go to bed late), in order to catch a someone or a car approaching her car. On Wednesday, as soon as we saw a car similar to her ex's, we decided to film it and obviously it was him. It's not clear in the video, but you can see the car parking next to hers, a person leaning out and puncturing the front tire (again). We don't know if we can go to the police, because last time they said they couldn't do anything about it, but my cousin won't stop spending money on this crazy story and she has bills to pay. Does anyone know what we can do?
TLDR: My cousin’s (29F) crazy ex (33M) has been puncturing her tires and the police is no help. What should we do?

I have suffered from vertigo attacks since I was 6 years old. I didn't really get care for it until I was 13, because daily life was becoming too difficult. I felt dizzy constantly, to the point where I had trouble making eye contact with people, leaned on the counter to brush my teeth, etc. After multiple tests and seeing an ENT, I was diagnosed with BPPV. I went to physical therapy and did vestibular rehabilitation exercises. It helped a lot, but after 3 years they stopped helping so much. So I went back to the ENT and he sent me to a specialized physical therapist. The new set of exercises she gave me helped so much more. She told that she didn't believe I had BPPV, but nerve damage (she didn't specify with nerve, but I assume she meant the vestibular nerve). I told the ENT this to see what he had to say, but I think unfortunately it embarrassed him and he retired shortly after. At 20 years old, my husband introduced me to first-person video games and they did wonders for my vertigo. I could actually catch stuff and had faster reflects. Now I'm almost 30 and have been having issues on and off with my hearing for a few years now. Should go back to the doctor and try to get an official diagnosis? Is it even worth it? If I do, should I stop doing any exercises or games so it'll be bad again to help with diagnosising?

Title - I'm in my final year of university doing a maths degree. I'm at a very prestigious university, think like top in the world, and I'm feeling so discouraged.
I love maths - hell, I had to, to survive 3 years here - the level of work is unbelievable. And I worked hard throughout the entire time here, my tutors and supervisors and the like have always said nice things about how hard I work. I can't say I haven't tried.
But now my exams are in two weeks, and I've been trying the past papers, and, I just. Can't. Do any of them. I'm able to half-do questions in certain topics I find "nice", for some things, like galois theory, I have no idea how to even begin on most of the questions. I don't know what went wrong, everything seemed ok until now with my worksheets and the like.
It's really getting me down because I'm worried I'll fail, or if I pass, I'll get a third. A 2.2 seems only possible by some combination of the examiners being generous, and a miracle. I'm really worried that I'll have ended up wasting my time here - all I did was study, I didn't do much fun stuff at uni or networking either, I'm a very socially awkward person, so I don't know what to do. I thought everything was going okay as I had a 2.1 in first year and a 2.2 just below a 2.1 in second year, and thought that with enough work I could get things up again this year (only the final year counts here)
All I want to do with my life is just learn more and more maths, maybe even contribute to it one day by working on researching something, but it just seems like I'm so doomed, and idk what to do. Does anyone have any advice?

TLDR: Bought PC parts from a guy almost 2 weeks ago, convinced he never shipped them, never sent a tracking no. like asked to. 5 days ago he offered a refund but still hasnt sent it.
I bought some PC parts from a guy on Facebook marketplace, and he asked me to pay him directly from my bank which i did, and this was on the 7th of May. I asked that when he shipped it, he give me the tracking number, and on the 8th he said he can ship it tomorrow (9th) but he hadn't shipped it by the 11th, where he messaged me saying he passed it to "his carer" to ship, and if i don't get it by the 14th he'll give me a refund.
when the 15th came about he still hadn't given me a tracking number like i asked and i let him know i still haven't got it and he said hell offer me a refund if i give him my details, i felt so sketched out by all this so i just gave him my email so he could Paypal me.
He then ignores me till the 17th where hes says he can send me the refund on the 21st when he "apparently getting paid" (so he spent my money and cant send it back?!?!)
He still has the listing up on facebook that i payed him for, at this point i'm fuming but i've kept it super civil, and said Tuesday is okay. i want to make Facebook aware in case he doesn't give me refund or tries to delay it even further, but i cant leave a bad review or anything cause i payed direct from my bank. Even after trying for a half hour or so i have no idea how to get in touch with a real person to help, and am wondering if i should just contact my bank to try and force a charge back at this point.

Title - I'm in my final year of university doing a maths degree. I'm at a very prestigious university, think like top in the world, and I'm feeling so discouraged.
I love maths - hell, I had to, to survive 3 years here - the level of work is unbelievable. And I worked hard throughout the entire time here, my tutors and supervisors and the like have always said nice things about how hard I work. I can't say I haven't tried.
But now my exams are in two weeks, and I've been trying the past papers, and, I just. Can't. Do any of them. I'm able to half-do questions in certain topics I find "nice", for some things, like galois theory, I have no idea how to even begin on most of the questions. I don't know what went wrong, everything seemed ok until now with my worksheets and the like.
It's really getting me down because I'm worried I'll fail, or if I pass, I'll get a third. A 2.2 seems only possible by some combination of the examiners being generous, and a miracle. I'm really worried that I'll have ended up wasting my time here - all I did was study, I didn't do much fun stuff at uni or networking either, I'm a very socially awkward person, so I don't know what to do. I thought everything was going okay as I had a 2.1 in first year and a 2.2 just below a 2.1 in second year, and thought that with enough work I could get things up again this year (only the final year counts here)
All I want to do with my life is just learn more and more maths, maybe even contribute to it one day by working on researching something, but it just seems like I'm so doomed, and idk what to do. Does anyone have any advice?

I feel like my life has been turned upside down.
My fiance has known me a very long time. He knows that I have a history of very bad mental breakdowns, including psychosis, along with suicide attempts. I have also had fake accounts used on me and been doxxed and harassed a lot online in ways that have been proven and shown to others. (These aren't what I'm seeking advice on, but provide context for what he did.)
I am very prone to paranoia after having a lot of crimes and mistreatment against me as a kid and young adult. My fiance knows this. I have suspected before that he might have been involved in some of it, but I was hoping it was just my paranoia talking. My friends agreed with me on that. I couldn't shake my aching suspicion, though.
A little over a year ago, when I was trying to move on from my now-fiance (after he initially rejected me and was with someone else), I got a massive crush on one of my coworkers. I posted on an anonymous forum that I wanted someone to pretend to be my coworker. One of the accounts that added me knew way too much, leading me to think it really was my coworker.
The account told me he'd be moving in with me. I was convinced it was really him. I prepared my whole apartment, but realized the account ghosted me. I got mad at my coworker, but began to have doubts about whether the account was actually him. He said it wasn't. I thought he was gaslighting me, but couldn't prove it.
I had a mental breakdown and quit that job. I couldn't stop obsessing about the situation. I called with my then-fiance about it and he helped calm me down. Later, I made a different post for a different potential online partner to try to distract myself while I set up a another career path.
A guy added me from that post. He was very suspicious from the beginning, but I couldn't tell reality from paranoia. I was pretty sure he was after me and recording me.
Long story short, he made things so much worse. He was also very cruel, like I would have to fight him off of having sex with me once or twice, he yelled at me, and he tried to gaslight me into thinking I committed a crime that I didn't. (The police had to tell me more than once that I didn't do it.)
The abuse piled up. He had the code to my apartment and continued to be aggressive end after I left him. I ended up with a bmi of about 15 and had to move to a different state.
I pressed me fiance about whether he had been behind any of the fake account stuff. He had denied it in messages, but he was now in person, and I felt more comfortable pressing him harder on it. He ended up confessing that he was not only behind the account that tricked me, but behind the private investigator I "dated."
He knew I had a history of psychological problems. He had this private investigator gaslight me continuously about not investigating me or being an agent during the sexual "relationship." He could see me deteriorating from all of this. He exploited my mental weakness for weeks with this private investigator.
Is this a fixable situation? How do we get out of this? This is one of the worst things anyone has ever done to me. I don't think he's remorseful at all. He says I would've ended up in jail or worse had he not "intervened," despite having no evidence for this and him having actively caused and worsened the situation.
TL;DR: Now-fiance admitted to hiring a private investigator to have a sexual relationship with me under false pretenses and continually gaslight me. He feels no remorse and says I should be thanking him. How can we move past this?

I'm a guy of 24 and needed a place to rant and maybe get advice. I'm constantly on a emotional rollercoaster where some days i am happy and social. But others days i feel lifeless and emotionless where i pretend to be happy and social in order to not let it show which drains me. Most of the time when i'm alone i fall back into this negative state where i am full of anger desperation fear and sadness yet i cant pin down from where. And it is so hard to stop. Like the negative self talk just becomes immediately believable and i dont challenge it. While thinking positive often drains me and doesnt feel natural. After a outburst like this i am emotionless for a couple days. I don't feel nice in my own body and don't like who i am. Yet feel powerless to do anything about it. Like being stuck in my own life creating circumstances guided by my negative mind unable to turn the tide. This way of living takes a lot of energy out of me and even while having good friends and a stable job i enjoy i feel like i am never gonna be enough. Never am the person others can accept or want in their life. This is extreme in the dating scenario. My mind now sees threats everywhere which could harm my fragile self image. I was bullied earlier in life and probably took those rules to the rest of my life. I don't believe a girl can be interested in me so i make 0 effort even though i want to. Actually a fear of rejection.
The main thing that bothers me is I mostly know what makes me live this way. I know i have fear of rejection and that most negative things i say to myself don't make sense. Yet it is a habit where i cannot get out of. And that is really frustrating. I want to have a good life where i'm active with a hobby i like. Be an open and confident person who can make himself vulnerable and is open to romance. Sometimes i get some light shining through the curtains and i get motivation to actually do stuff about it. But most of the time i cant change my thinking patterns. I can argue with myself but the negative side always wins.
I read useful books, meditate and try to find something i can believe in. But whatever i do. It seems as though i can never break down the walls and be myself. It's so bad where i believe things that work for others don't work for me. That i can't have a good life like most of my social group. That everything i do i have to do twice because nothing ever works on the first try. The stupid thing is the causes of my habits and patterns seem so simple and i mostly know that im living wrong, thinking wrong and acting wrong. But i'm stuck on the ground and can't get up.
Any insights would be appreciated

I’m in Utah. A year or so ago while traveling with my spouse and children through Arizona we stopped by a NPS site. While browsing the gift shop my spouse heard a commotion and summoned me to see if somebody was in need of help (they had their hands full with the youngest). I investigated and found a gift shop employee was injured. I helped the best I could and sent my spouse to find further help. NPS “rangers” came and later the police. I was asked to make a written statement about what happened, I mentioned my spouses involvement, I signed my name and provided contact info, and gave that statement to the police. No ambulance came but I believe the employee was driven to a hospital in a police car or a ranger truck. The employee and I exchanged some contact info and a few days later we texted. Employee said recovery was slow going (or something like that), provided some anecdotal details amongst the small talk, and thanked us for helping. The injured employee lives in Utah also.
Fast forward to a week or so ago. I get a call from an Utah area code stating to be a law firm. (An internet search later I find the number is associated to a personal injury law firm in NV) They confirmed my witness/involvement on a high level, confirmed my phone number and address. They didn’t ask about my spouse. They said they were representing the employee. They said as this case moves forward there is a small chance my involvement could be beneficial and asked if I would be open to another conversation sometime in the future maybe.
To me it sounds like a law office making sure they know where a witness is in case it’s helpful. From your experience what can you tell me about where this case (or suit or claim) might be in the process and what I might expect next should my involvement be requested again? Any advice should they call back?

Some context:

• I (36M) (throwaway account)
• Wife (45F)
• Daughter (3.7 yo)
• Married since 2017, we were together since 2008 (the year we first met)
• I did the big/huge/monster mistake to continue this relationship despite this obvious problem that you're going to read about. I think I did that because I was deeply physically attracted to her, she was the first love of my life (girlfriend then wife) and because I always believed I could bring back the person she was in 2008, where she was so present, so in touch with me, always available to talk and have deep discussions (but that was just the honeymoon phase of a first love and I didn't know this because it was my first experience)
• I think that with the baby's arrival all the things that didn't work before the arrival, only exploded because of the amount of stress we went through
• I'm not searching for advice or anything, I just want to share my pain with you

--- The letter ---
Dear Wife,
It is with great sadness that I write this letter, but also with great joy for having finally understood what is wrong between us and what the definitive solution is.
Every single day of my life, from July 2009 to today, I have spent time trying to establish a dialogue with you and get your attention without success.
You are always there in body but never in mind.
When I'm able to talk to you, you are present for only a few moments, briefly respond, and then retreat into your beloved thoughts to converse with yourself instead of with me, or to do something else (important or not).
I have tried hundreds of times to express to you how all this makes me feel, how much it hurts me, how I long with all my heart to be in contact with you like we were in 2008, but there was no way to make you understand.
Thus, for all these years of our life, the following scheme has gone on:

1. I try to establish contact with you multiple times during the day.
2. You don't pay attention / you respond with monosyllables / you are not involved in the conversation / you respond rudely.
3. I feel rejected because you don't want to talk to me; I understand that I can't talk to you, I'm not important to you, and by necessity, I shut down because there is no communication and sharing (what you call a long face). You notice the long face and do everything to get me out of it because you hate it, but not what you should do (i.e., insist on asking what’s wrong to establish the contact that was not established before, and then be available to talk the next times). Lately, your solution has been to attack me verbally or physically to force a change in me (e.g., "Enough with these damn long faces! Smile, damn it! Don't sit there like a fool"). This is devastating for me because not only can I not talk to the person I love, but I am also insulted when I expose the problem.
4. When you want to spend quality time, as you call it, on weekends when you are calmer and more relaxed, you are fine, but I am devastated and no longer want to spend quality time with you because I don’t feel well and am upset with you.

If by chance I manage to start a conversation, after a few interactions, you are already back in your head thinking about your things.
This has existed since that July of 2009, as I was telling you, look here: (some email screenshots from 2011) Further examples below (other screenshots)
These are some of the emails I’ve recovered.
It’s useless to say:

• Now there's the baby.
• Before it was work.
• Before it was something else.
• Before it was another thing.

The lack of communication from you towards me is invariant to the things that have happened in our lives.
Look the other day:

• I gave you 1 hour to rest asking you if we could talk.
• I start talking and you get up to take your medicine (because in your head it’s always "oh, he's talking, so meanwhile I can take care of something else"), and after I start talking about this problem, you start telling me "With all the damn problems we have, you have time to talk about this nonsense?" and then told me "Don't you know that people can do other things while you're talking and still be present, hear you and have a conversation with you?"

I have studied it all for a long time, meditating on everything, and I simply believe that, besides no longer being interested in me, you have a mind that works as follows:

• You are perpetually distracted, absorbed in your head and your thoughts, you have a much deeper level of introversion than mine from which you can't easily emerge, you create situations, conversations, battles, etc.
• You think in terms of projects and things to do: in 2011 (I remembered) you were working respectively on 3 different projects (a crazy amount). Obviously, I was getting the leftover attention from this combo. Now there’s the baby, and I am just a satellite orbiting around the two of you, only useful to procure food and necessary things.
• You get very stuck on things and don't want to let go of your fixations. It's likely that you have the hyperfocus of people with ADHD, read more about it here in detail. Regarding the last point, I'll copy and paste the most relevant parts: Hyperfocus in an adult with ADHD allows one to concentrate attention on a single task, often achieving extremely high productivity at the expense of everything around, such as a family member talking or a pot on the stove.

How you mismanaged things with me in the past:

• Manipulation: "Oh, come on, you're the one who's fixated, of course we talk, what are we doing now, excuse me?"
• Insult: "These damn things again? Do you want the truth, Husband? You're a pain in the ass."
• Ultimatum: "If you want, you change, I won't change" "I'm going to the lawyer"
• When cornered: sex and that's it

The only times you are mentally present are when we argue, then you are definitely there.
The only moment I feel connected to you is during sex, but that's 20 minutes every how many days? Does that seem normal to you? When we're older and without sex, won't we even look at each other anymore?
With the baby's arrival, all this has come out like a frog from a boiling pot. Our Daughter sees it, senses it, perceives these dynamics, and it hurts her.
I'm sorry but I have reached my limit.
You are the only person I can't talk to, but with whom I desperately want to talk, share ideas, opinions, thoughts, etc., even 24 hours for 30 consecutive days (like we did in 2008).
You are the only one who brings out the long faces; my best friends, my grandmother, other friends, and former colleagues bring out smiles, jokes, the best of me.
This is our main problem.
If you had managed to maintain communication with me over time as in 2008, you would have a very close person, who would treat you like a queen, who would do everything to keep you happy, but you continuously reject and despise me.
Besides all this, in recent years, there have also been:

• Heavy insults
• Constant threats
• Spits in the face
• Kicks and slaps

You have no respect for me anymore, zero.
The affection has totally disappeared; I'm writing now after more than 8 days without receiving a kiss, a cuddle, a caress from you (yes I count them).
Wife, in a loving couple, this has no place, it’s not normal, it’s not a demonstration of love. It’s totally out of the question. There has never been a time when you said: Wow Husband, you're right, I sincerely apologize, now for the next 2 hours I will put down the phone, this, that, and talk to you. NO.
You don't even think of that.
I am telling you that for me, we have reached the end. You don't listen to me and don't talk to me.
You don't care about the problem; everything is okay for you, and I have to solve it on my own.
I have been fighting for years; in recent months, I have written over and over again, but nothing.
As Biden in February 2022 left no room for compromise with Putin regarding the Ukraine issue, forcing him to proceed, I do the same.
I want divorce and I do not want to live with you anymore.

I had this idea for a bot who presents herself as one thing, but when user does a specific action her personality shifts. I tried putting in the persona that when user does said action, it triggers the change and specified how she should respond. Basically it says:
{{char}} pretends to be something, and will not mention what she really is. When {{user}} does action {{char}} will always perform this specific reaction.
However it doesn't work. I tried to redo messages to see if it just had a low chance and typed out a scenario in the bot depicting the reaction to the trigger action but it never works. Is it even possible and if so how do I get it to work?

By: Hansen G. Morten
Here are five common roadblocks you might be encountering on your path to romantic bliss.
Number 1: Unrealistic Expectations
We all have an ideal partner in mind, but clinging too tightly to a checklist of must-have qualities can significantly limit your dating pool. Are you looking for someone who's not just attractive and kind but also a gourmet chef, a triathlete, and an amateur rocket scientist?
Keeping it real: Try focusing on core values and qualities that are most important to you, like honesty or a sense of humor. Does it matter if they don't know their Bordeaux from their Burgundy?
The perfection myth: Remember, everyone has flaws, and expecting someone to be perfect sets both of you up for disappointment.
Number 2: Fear of rejection
Fear of rejection is a powerful force that can hold you back from taking the first step. The anxiety of not being "enough" might stop you from approaching someone interesting or putting yourself out there.
It’s natural but limiting: Understanding that rejection is a part of dating can help you embrace it as a step toward the right person.
Building resilience: Each rejection is an opportunity to learn and grow. Maybe it’s just a sign you weren’t a perfect fit, and that's okay!
Number 3: Lack of Confidence
Your self-esteem plays a crucial role in your dating success. A lack of confidence can be apparent not only in your body language but also in how you communicate and present yourself.
Self-love first: Engaging in activities that make you feel good about yourself can boost your self-worth.
Small victories: Set and achieve small goals to build confidence over time.
Number 4: Communication Issues
Effective communication is foundational in forming a connection. You may struggle with opening up about your feelings, or you dominate conversations without realizing it.
Listening is key: Try to focus more on listening and understanding the other person's perspective.
Express yourself clearly: Being clear and honest about your thoughts and feelings can prevent many misunderstandings.
Number 5: Getting Stuck in the Past
Holding on to nostalgia for past relationships or being haunted by bad dating experiences can skew your expectations and experiences in the present.
Time heals: Allow yourself to process past heartaches, but don't let them hold you back.
Fresh starts: Approach each new potential partner with a fresh perspective, unclouded by your Past.
Conclusion
In conclusion, tackling these common dating hurdles starts with some introspection and making small, manageable changes in how you approach the dating scene. Remember, every date is a step forward, regardless of the outcome.
Keep your head up and your heart open, and who knows? Your perfect match might be around the corner. Happy dating!

I think one of the worst things that you see a lot of the big YEC speakers do is the misrepresentation of science and the scientific method. It's one thing to argue with the evidence, this I accept as it is at least an attempt to engage in actual scientific discourse (excluding those who just baselessly decry the science). Even Tomkins with his apparent inability to do genomics is at the very least attempting to perform scientific experiments. However, these attempts to re-define science in a way that is beneficial to a creationist agenda is insanely frustrating, since it totally ruins all form of good-faith debate, and heavily misinforms people without a scientific education, and who don't really know how scientific process takes place.
To bring this point to light - I'm going to discuss this article from AIG: https://answersingenesis.org/what-is-science/what-is-science/. It displays basically all of these claims, and I consider it to contain some of the worst of AIG's mental gymnastics.
The article opens with a spiel about how science originated in Christian Europe, and refer to how Johannes Kepler, Francis Bacon, Isaac Newton and Galileo Galilei were all Christians who believed in a young Earth. Funnily enough, However - they fail to mention that Galileo was arrested by Christians due to his ideas contradicting a literal interpretation of the Bible - that being geostaticism (the idea that the Earth is stationary). I wonder why they excluded this piece of information?
They also state that "If the universe is a product of random chance or a group of gods that interfere in the universe, there is really no reason to expect order in nature". I could probably write an entire post on why this statement is false, so I won't go into this here. Maybe I'll do a follow up to this one just about this idea.
Now comes one of AIG's points that annoys me to no end - the ideas of 'Operational Science' and 'Historical Science'. AIG frames these terms as such:
Operational: "deals with testing and verifying ideas in the present and leads to the production of useful products like computers, cars, and satellites."
Historical: "involves interpreting evidence from the past and includes the models of evolution and special creation."
These terms do not exist in actual academia. They only exist within AIG's fantasy science land where they decide the rules, so that they can lend a fraction of legitimacy to their outdated ideas. The main reason they do this is to boil the argument down to one of faith. 'Evolutionism' vs Creationism is just a debate between two religions - same as Muslims and Christians arguing over which god is the real one. They present this in a slightly different way, but the meaning is the same: "The argument is not over the evidence—the evidence is the same—it is over the way the evidence should be interpreted." Essentially, 'we have different interpretations of the same stuff, so it's a matter of faith'.
What AIG are doing here is creating an unnecessary distinction. The worst bit is the reference to 'evidence from the past'. What they really mean here are things like the fossil record, radiometric dating, the geologic column - all the things that completely and utterly gut their belief in a 6000 year old created Earth. Instead of addressing them, they claim that it's a matter of interpretation.
Actual science doesn't create this distinction. Its purpose is to provide us with a method that lets us explain things we cannot observe directly, by looking at the things we can observe. No human has ever seen an atom with their own eyes - they are too small. Instead, we used observable evidence to figure out their structure, such as Rutherford's alpha particle scattering experiment - showing how most of the gold foil he was shooting the particles at allowed them to pass through, implying atoms being mostly empty space. Now Rutherford never saw an atom, but he inferred this about them through observation, as well as repetition of an experiment to minimise error. This is how science works. Of course, AIG would call Rutherford's work 'Operational Science', so we'll have to go somewhere else.
Let's use murder as an analogy (jolly, I know) - a person was killed 3 days ago, and their body was just discovered: we never saw them die, and we can never repeat their murder - because they are dead (truly groundbreaking stuff here). However, there is a gash across their neck, and a bloodied knife sat next to them. Moreover, this knife is covered with a person's fingerprints. We can then go to the house of the person who these fingerprints match, and ask them if they know anything - which they deny, despite lacking any alibi and having a definite motive. Do we have enough evidence to determine how the person died, as well as who killed them? Absolutely we do - there's a gash, and a knife covered in blood that matches the victim's: conclusion, they were killed with that knife. The knife is covered with fingerprints that lead to a person with no alibi at all, and a good motive: conclusion, they're the murderer. Now all of these data are from the past - the blood was put on the knife in the past, the wound was made in the past, the fingerprints were put on the knife in the past - by all metrics, this murder case falls into AIG's 'Historical Science'. As such, convicting this person is simply a matter of interpretation. We can only interpret that the fingerprints perfectly match those of the suspect. Who are we to say that they didn't somehow change over time? See how nonsensical this distinction is?
AIG then go on to the subject of theories - and again, they separated 'operational theories' from 'historical theories'. The idea is pretty much the same as discussed above, though there are a few points that I want to address. Firstly, they don't do the thing that I see many creationists (and other science deniers) state - that being the 'it's just a theory' thing, and draw a distinction between the colloquial and scientific definitions, though not without the prerequisite 'Evolutionists claim' line. This point has been beaten into the ground already, so I'll just leave it at that.
They go on to discuss how biological evolution is not an 'operational theory' as it contains 'interpretations of past events' and is 'not as well founded as testable scientific theories like Einstein’s Theory of Relativity or Newton’s Theory of Gravity'. It seems that AIG don't know that while Newton's law of universal gravitation remains as a very well-substantiated piece of science, his actual mechanism for how gravity works was in fact supplanted by Einstein's theory. Good scientific knowledge from AIG, as always. The big part of this section is how they refer to predictability as a method of validating a scientific theory: "These theories offer predictable models and the ability to conduct experiments to determine their validity in different circumstances." Once again, they conveniently omit the immense predictive power of evolutionary theory, instead choosing to claim that it lacks such a property - even going as far to directly claim "Molecules-to-man evolution does not offer this opportunity because these events happened in the past", once again ignoring that one of the key tenets of evolutionary theory is that it both has happened, and is currently happening - considering that we've observed speciation events occurring in the wild: https://www.pnas.org/doi/10.1073/pnas.0911761106; https://www.cell.com/current-biology/fulltext/S0960-9822(09)01925-301925-3); https://evolution.berkeley.edu/evo-news/speciation-in-real-time/. The predictive power of evolution is immense, and we are only getting better at making evolutionary predictions as science progresses:
https://ncse.ngo/predictive-power-evolutionary-biology-and-discovery-eusociality-naked-mole-rat,
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC9850016/#:~:text=Evolutionary%20predictions%20are%20often%20based,will%20adapt%20to%20their%20environment.
There's also the brief bit where they conflate evolution and abiogenesis "molecules to man evolution". They're two different ideas - and YECs reading this post, stop conflating scientific theories, they are distinct ideas. Evolution deals with how life adapts and develops, it has nothing to do with how life on Earth began - that's abiogenesis. It's the same thing as the Big Bang: it only deals with how the universe formed, not what came before it.
There's a short aside about naturalism, but in order to stop this post turning into a thesis, I'm going to gloss over it and move onto the next bit. Here, AIG describe how "Evolution also relies heavily on the assumption of uniformitarianism— a belief that the present is the key to the past. According to uniformitarians, the processes in the universe have been occurring at a relatively constant rate.". Of course, they fail to consider that, as is the case with all other science, we have evidence to infer that processes do occur at a constant rate. They proceed to discuss rock formation erosion as one of these thing which we assume to have a constant rate - even though I'm pretty sure this is not the case - and that the rate at which these processes takes place is highly variable. To me, this feels like them taking the worst example - and borders on a straw man. Correct me if I'm wrong though - I'm not a geologist, so my understanding is limited here.
I have no doubt that the actual aim of this paragraph is also to sow doubt about other systems reliant upon constant rates of change - such as radiometric dating. Yes, if decay rates were not constant, the values given by radiometric dating would be highly inaccurate, and it would be a useless dating method. However, this would also require a total rewrite of fundamental physics - as the concept of constant nuclear decay rates is backed up by a literal mountain of maths and physical evidence.

However, the Bible makes it very clear that some events of the past were radically different from those we commonly observe today. Noah’s Flood, for example, would have devastated the face of the earth and created a landscape of billions of dead things buried in layers of rock, which is exactly what we see.

Another claim that would take up a post on its own - so I'll skip this and tackle it later. Honestly though, just watch Gutsick Gibbon's stuff on the Genesis flood - she gives a far better explanation than I ever could.

Just as evolutionists weren’t there to see evolution happen over several billion years, neither were creationists there to see the events of the six days of creation. The difference is that creationists have the Creator’s eyewitness account of the events of creation, while evolutionists must create a story to explain origins without the supernatural.

More totally neutral and unbiased claims by AIG, as expected. There is no 'story' being created - scientists observe the (sometimes literal - pun very much intended) mountains of evidence for evolution. The fact that they have to make up a nonsense distinction to split science in two, so that they can put the bits they don't like (Big Bang cosmology, fossils, radiometric dating, geologic column, etc.) in a separate spot to the bits they do like, such as technology and medicine.

Just because many scientists believe the story does not make the story true.

Ironic, considering how much Ken Ham loves to show his lists of creationist scientists. Practice what you preach buddy.

I wanted to write somewhere about my weight loss journey, but didn't want to spam on some advice subreddit, so I decides to make my own. If someone ever finds it then you are welcome to post here too, if not, then I have my own private space to vent and see where I end up with this lol.
I'm in my late 20s, nearing 30, often depressed and lonely guy from Poland; I've tried to lose weight, to run and go to gym multiple times. I tracked my weight, did intermittent fasting, had a professional diet etc. Every time it failed, so now I want to try and experiment with documenting regularly my journey.
Ive no idea how much I weight currently, was kinda scared to check it. I was 103kg sometime ago, but lately I've been mostly eating shit food, potato chips and stopped runnin, so probably I've gained several kgs. Lowest weight was several years ago, during my diet, around 85kg.
But diet was too much for my depressed brain, so now I'm starting intermittent fasting and recording my calories, from tomorrow. Last year it worked kinda ok for me, so I hope it will work rn too.

Do other BP 2 (or BP1) people have these? I always see people talking about their thought/images being...idk, more possible if unlikely/untrue. People trying to hurt them or track them, being really gifted at something, etc. I get "normal" stuff like suspicions around my spouse. But mostly really bizarre/impossible stuff.
I'm diagnosed BP2. This happens in mixed episodes, I'm fine atm. I say thoughts and images instead of delusions and hallucinations because they don't quite qualify afaik.* Anyway, it's stuff like feeling really strongly/sensing that there's some specific kind of horrofantasy/folklore monster in my house. Right behind me, behind a door, etc. Knowing those creatures don't exist doesn't take away the nauseating fear or being on guard. For images, similar creatures but outside my glass door, or across a room watching me.
*The bizarre thoughts I'm always able to tell myself can't be real/true even if they feel it. The images aren't...solid? IDK. If I could draw I could draw a picture of them, and describe how they move. But it's like it's an image from my mind overlayed on the real world, not something real itself. And I know it's not real I just can't stop half-seeing it.

After 10 years of me (F 28) begging my partner (M28) to stop soliciting sex behind my back I am finally leaving. I don’t have an ounce of trust left for him and honestly I get the worst feeling he’s been sleeping with other people behind my back. He’s become so sneaky and honestly just a liar. He lies about everything so you can’t take word for anything. I’ve finally had enough. My self esteem is in the trenches but I have to leave for my kids and my sanity. I deserve better and I realize that his behavior is not normal nor should I live an anxiety filled life constantly trying to catch him cheating. I’ve caught him on dating apps, posting naked photos, messaging other men and women, looking for escorts and even messaging them to meet up, leaving in the middle of the night and he’s lied about his location so I’m pretty sure he has met them. I usually make excuses for him, stay, and take his word about seeing therapy or whatever he feeds me but he never follows through and just keeps doing the same things. I’ve allowed him to really run me into the ground just so he could do these things. I felt at times he was just doing the bare minimum to say he was a good person against these allegations. I’ve been a wonderful mom and partner to him and his family. I did it sleep deprived, tired, hungry, spent my last dollar on him constantly going above and beyond for birthdays and holidays and constantly got bare minimum from him. I’ve allowed him to make me believe I wasn’t good enough for far too long. And I just don’t deserve how he’s done me. Someone who truly loved me wouldn’t be looking for sex outside their relationship constantly. It’s a struggle a lot to do on my income alone but I am picking up a second job to make sure I can care for kids and myself. I’m afraid how the kids will feel about us separating but it’s necessary for us to do so. I’ve strapped a metal rod to my spine and just keep repeating all the bad things to remind myself to not give in or go back on my word.
TL;DR After 10 years of my partner cheating behind my back by being on dating apps, posting naked photos, messaging people for sex men and women,lying about his location and asking to meet up with escorts I am finally leaving. And just constantly lying. I have finally realized I deserve better and cannot keep allowing him to tear my self esteem down.

Hey docs and other practicioners,
I'm 27 yo M from continental Western-Europe. In DSM/ICD categorical terms, I suffer from GAD, MDD (multiple episodes, too many to count, started around 19, 1 suicide attempt, active and passive suicidal ideation typical during episodes), ADHD, nicotine dependecy (+possibly ASD/social anxiety/sleep apnea/convergence insufficiency but they're all things we've yet to explore).
Psycho-socially speaking I've had a very difficult childhood to say the least (though I do not feel traumatized by it, it'd be a suprise if it didn't impact my nervous system's development), dysfunctional family, in the closet as an atheist and gay man from an Arab/Muslim family, poverty, live alone on social security, never had a job, been trying to get a higher education degree since forever etc. All a complicated mess.
Mental health issues have wrecked my life and destroyed all of my dreams and ambitions, even though on paper I have the intellectual abilities to achieve them.
I thought initially that how I felt was normal, just some "shit life syndrome", so for years I've tried on my own with no success. It was only when I talked to all these people with similar backgrounds, who didn't have the same devastating mental experience as me, that I realized there was something fundamentally different about my experience of my shit life. These folks had very difficult lives and were doing ok and managed to actively work in spite of all determinisms to make it better one day, without losing hope and persevering. Some of them are already succeeding, other are still working and not giving up. Other are ok with where they are and not that pressed about their issues.
Anyway, saw a bunch of psychiatrists over the years who all ended up with the same basic diagnoses (ADHD, GAD, MDD), tried a bunch of meds with little success. Sticking with the current one because we have a good therapeutic relationship,we started everything from scratch after almost a year with no meds.
Anyway, I'm on 50mg Vyvanse, 20mg escitalopram, current psych encouraged me recently to start psychotherapy which I did, the psychologist seems good too.
It's been months now. Mentally I'm nowhere near my worst, though far far away from well, functionally there doesn't seem to be much improvement. Plus after 4 weeks on 20mg escitalopram where it felt like I was getting better, the last 3 days that uncomfortable depression/anxiety feeling is starting to creep back in out of nowhere. I'm hoping it's an anomaly.
I'm not suicidal rn but I don't know if I'll be able to spend a lifetime like this. My life is passing me by. I just want to live, move on and instead I'm this dysfunctional mess. Even if I were to stabilize, how long before tolerance/poop-out kicks in, and then back on the medication trial-and-error carousel, back on the "try this psychotherapy modality" carousel.
I don't miss a single appointment with the psychiatrist (and since recently psychologist), never miss taking meds, stopped (chain-)smoking tobacco, stopped my precious coffee. I know vaping isn't healthy but working on it. Trying to fix my sleep schedule (I have heavy "bedtime resistance") etc. I don't know what else I'm supposed to do.
My only hope is future psychiatry/psychology managing to give me at least a couple of years of mental peace. If not, I'm thinking of discussing euthanasia with my doctor cause I can't spend a lifetime like this. I'd rather stop suffering now.
TLDR: little solid mental and functional advancements made for now in my mental health journey, afraid I'll spend my life trying, current options seem limited and unsustainable, thinking of opening the discussion on euthanasia if I won't ever manage to live a productive life I can be at least a little proud of.

I think a lot about signals. Signals that show people what groups they belong to. Signals that hide the truth. Everybody uses signals to blend, entice, or trap.
Grandma Pearl died not long after her stroke, and I've been making bad decisions ever since. Maybe my expectations are too high, or I'm just an idiot. Either way, I ran away from the group home to be with people who called themselves my "family." They were the wrong people. They used the words family, brother, sister, and love like lock picks, stealing trust, and taking self-respect.
The only person I remember using the word family correctly was Grandma Pearl. She was a small woman who toured the US as an actress before settling with Granddad above their theatrical rentals shop. I was three when the car accident took Granddad and Mom, so I don't know if they used the word "family" correctly, but I hope they did.
I was never as outgoing as Grandma, but that didn't bother her; she taught me how to watch people. How to see their signals, and how to listen. When she died. I forgot a lot of those lessons for a while.
They called it a "family". The "family" moved product. That product could be goods, drugs, or people.
The uninitiated, like me, were distracted with food and a dry place to sleep, but it didn't take long to see behind the curtain. Things got too intense with the new "family" and I ran.
I ran back to my old neighborhood. The buildings were familiar even if my home was gone. The old theatrical shop had been turned into a microbrewery.
After an appropriate amount of self-pity, thirty minutes, I wandered the alleys, picking up cans or scavenging for bits and pieces that could be recycled, used, or bartered.
I recognized old faces, but I tried to stay out of sight. It was safer that way.
The only place I allowed myself to be seen was the old Lutheran church on the park's far side. Most people who might have known me had aged out of the congregation or died. It was worth the risk because St. Lazarus had a food pantry in the basement and gave out lunches most days, so I wasn't always hungry, which was nice.
I found a dry spot near the library to sleep, which seemed like a stroke of luck until it wasn't.
I had the contentment that came with being in a familiar place. Little bits of comfort let me believe, for a moment, that I wasn't a screw-up and hadn't trusted the wrong people. That moment scurried away when Stick found me.
Stick was a scary asshole. He technically wasn't in charge of the " family," but he made it work. He got things done. I have no idea how old he was. He was all corded muscle and could clock in between twenty and fifty. He looked half-starved and moved like a stalking predator, even with his limp.
His left leg was stiff. The knee didn't bend, and anytime he sat, his left leg would be splayed to the side like a kickstand on a bike. The leg was why he walked with a cane. The cane and how he used it was why we called him Stick.
I don't know why he took the time to track me down. It's not like I was wanted. Maybe it was that I had become property. Property shouldn't just wander off.
Sometimes, you feel a person before you see them. The air is different. When Stick was around, the air felt dead and motionless. I knew I was being watched before I opened my eyes.
Stick was sitting on a milk crate, his bad leg cocked to the side and his forehead resting on his cane. I pushed myself out from beneath the ductwork of the HVAC unit I had been sleeping under and slapped the dirt off my jeans.
"I thought that was you," Stick said as his sharp grin curved up to his unblinking dark eyes.
Stick wanted my discomfort. I'd seen him play the intimidation game too many times. He'd act too friendly, and then when you were good and worried, quick movements, a hand around the back of your neck, and violence would be next. Then he'd act like the whole mind fuck was a big joke, like you were friends, and isn't it great that you can joke around with someone who "really" cared.
It worked, too. If you were the unfortunate focus of Stick's attention, you would be grateful when he smiled and said, "Just a joke, kid. Don't be so sensitive." I'd seen the pattern enough times to know Stick trained people like dogs with his hot and cold game. I didn't like the game, or the fear, so I changed the pattern.
"Hey, Stick, did you come to help pick up cans?" I asked, making sure my smile reached my eyes. I was trying to be pleasant while ignoring the burning nervousness in my gut.
It was still dark out, but I could see Stick's expressions well enough.
Stick tapped his cane on the sidewalk and squinted at me skeptically before answering. "Just checking on my little brother."
We were not related.
Stick liked to call the uninitiated his little brothers or little sisters. He forced intimacy into his language. I didn't argue the point. Interactions went best with Stick when you agreed with everything he said.
"Thanks, man," I complimented, trying to sound genuine and ignorant as I stepped forward and offered him my hand.
Stick didn't move, but I could see that this conversation wasn't going as planned for him, and I forced myself not to react to his confusion. I couldn't break character, or he would know I was playing him.
Stick tapped his cane on the ground twice, grasped my hand, and stood. He watched me. I held his stare, but in an open, naive, guileless way that I had perfected in front of the mirror as grandma gave acting advice while she put her face on.
I once asked Grandma Perl why anyone would practice acting stupid. She pointed her mascara brush at me and, in her ditsiest Minnesota Nice character, said, "It's easier to be forgiven when people think you're a little dumb, don't ya know?" Like with most things, Grandma was right.
Before I understood what had happened, Stick pulled me into his side and slung an arm around my shoulder.
"You don't have a name yet. Everyone gets a name, but they don't get to pick it." He paused and gave me a Cheshire cat grin. "I have a name for you, little brother. You are going to be called Slide." Then he held my chin and forced eye contact." Your name will be Slide because I have never seen anyone slide out of shit faster than you. I can't tell if you do it on purpose or not, and I've been watching. I watch everybody. You do, too. Hell, this might be the first time I've ever heard you talk. So let's celebrate your name, Slide." Stick's smile slipped as he pulled me out of the alley. "We'll go do something special."
I stayed silent, knowing full well what was coming. Being named meant doing something you could never take back. It was public and would put you in prison if the police ever took the time to look for you. It meant severing yourself from your life before and relying entirely on the "family." I had been absent each time naming seemed to be in the cards, but I couldn't duck out this time.
There was only one place to go at this time of night that would have an impact, the Bodega.
The Bodega was a red hole in the wall with a glass door papered over with grocery ads years outdated. Canned salmon two for one seemed to be the dominant theme. Although there were two large windows, one on either side of the door, you could barely see in. The right window was a tapestry of cigarette promotions. The left window displayed the only swath of uncovered glass with a view of the interior. From the outside, the view was of tobacco, lottery scratchers, and Old Lady Imitari.
Old Lady Imitari owned the store. She was a short, dark-haired woman who always wore a long floral tank top. Grandma Pearl loved the old woman but said Imitari looked like an old man's thumb all the years she had known her, and Grandma moved to the neighborhood with Grandad thirty years ago. Imitari was a local legend even then because the Bodega was open twenty hours a day, three hundred sixty-five days a year, and no one else worked in the store. Grandma used to make an extra strong coffee called Barako and chat with Imitari sometimes when work in the shop was slow.
I would sneak out at night and try to catch Imitari sleeping. No matter the time, I never caught her snoozing, and she always saw me peeking at her through the window. I know she saw me because she would uncross her arms and wave her flyswatter at me.
All these memories flicked through my mind as Stick smiled his too-wide smile and pushed me into the Bodega.
Imitari flicked her fly swatter at me in acknowledgment, and her attention returned to the small TV she had nestled beside the cash register, which seemed to be the old woman's only real tether to the world outside her shop.
The inside of the Bodega was just a long hallway with shelves of convenience foods, drinks, home supplies, candy, and cold meds covering every available surface from floor to ceiling. The only break in the tunnel of products was the glass counter at the back corner of the store; Imitari presided over her mini domain by casually ignoring her shoppers. I tried to make eye contact with the old woman again as Stick pushed me to the back of the shop, but after her initial acknowledgment of our entrance, Imitari's eyes stayed focused on her TV.
As casually confident as possible, I walked to the cooler and grabbed an iced tea. "Want a drink," I asked over my shoulder, my voice unusually steady, given the electric current of anxiety flowing through me.
Stick sneered and tapped his cane twice on the ground. His eyes found all the security cameras in the tiny store, a frown creasing his angular features.
I followed his line of sight and finally realized what had bothered him. The cameras were fake. They looked like security cameras, but they weren't. There were no wires or lenses, just rectangles and circles in a security camera shape.
Stick took a deep breath and tapped his cane on the ground again. " There… is … so… much… here… to… see… but… no… one… is… watching," he said with a singsong. Then his sneer turned into a cruel smile.
I knew Stick wanted an audience for what he would force me to do. The fact that the security cameras were fakes meant that whatever was going to happen would now have to be significant. An event that the neighborhood wouldn't be able to ignore. My stomach twisted with the thought.
Stick waggled his eyebrows at me. He had been watching. He had seen my thoughts, and we both knew he had something terrible in mind.
The cane twirled in Stick's hand and then tapped twice on the shop tile.
"I think I want a little bit of this," Stick said, gesturing wildly with his cane, sending a row of soup cans tumbling to the floor. "And a little bit of that," Stick added as another wild gesture sent cups of ramen spinning and knocking glass bottles of hot sauce to the floor.
I stood paralyzed, unable to run. I was trapped with nowhere to duck away to. I didn't want Stick to hurt Old Lady Imitari, and I didn't want Stick to hurt me, either. The truth was, he would hurt both of us no matter what I did. That was just the way Stick was. I'd seen him. I'd seen him show us who he was every day.
Then I realized Imitari hadn't moved. She was watching her TV and chuckling at the sitcom as if nothing had happened.
Stick glanced at me, confused. I almost felt sorry for the sociopath. His night was not going to plan.
Imitari chuckled at her TV again, and a crease formed in the middle of Stick's forehead, letting me know that he was beyond angry. He was calm, dangerous, and vicious. People had been left for dead when Stick got this way.
Stick raised his cane and flipped it so the handle jutted like a pickax. He was going to attack Imitari.
Somehow, I moved. I didn't do much, but when I slid forward and grabbed the back of Stick's shirt, the cane missed Imitari, and the sharp handle punctured the thick glass top of the counter just above a roll of Lotto scratchers.
Old lady Imitari slowly looked up into Stick's eyes and smiled. Her wide, gentle frown was replaced with a look of joy and something else, something primal, something hungry. Her pupils were blown, and I had the uneasy feeling that I was watching someone be served their absolute favorite meal.
Before Stick could pull his cane from the punctured glass, Imitari casually reached forward, grabbed the cane, and pulled the wirey man forward. Small, old, and wrinkled, Imitari stared into Stick's eyes and overpowered him.
Stick fell forward across the counter. He tried to push himself back, but Imitari's hand clamped down on his wrist like a vice.
Bones ground together as Imitari pulled Stick's hand to her mouth, and with a swift, subtle movement, she bit off the tips of Stick's pinky and ring finger like she was sampling a cookie.
I jumped back next to the cooler as a thin spray of blood arched toward me.
Stick screamed and thrashed, but Imitari's small form was static and immovable. Stick was a fly in a trap. No matter how much he struggled, punched, poked, or kicked, he could not break the old woman's hold. Then, slowly, she took another bite.
It was strangely fascinating watching the frail form of this old woman I had known for years take bite after bite out of Stick. This man, whom I thought of as a predator, a hunter, an enforcer, was crying and begging while an old woman, who looked like a wrinkled thumb in a floral top, quietly devoured him.
I was surprised by the lack of blood after the first spray. I'm sure it was Imitari's crushing grip that stanched the flow of blood. The flesh of Stick's arm looked white from the pressure.
Hand over hand, Imitari pulled Stick forward. Bones cracked as she gripped higher on Stick's arm, clamped down with her long leathery fingers, and fed the flesh and bone, one concise bite at a time, into her open smiling maw. It was rhythmical in its simplicity: chomp, crunch, chew, chew, swallow. Over and over, the pattern continued until the begging stopped.
Stick wasn't dead. He gave up. Not struggling, he laid over the glass counter like a rag doll. He watched me glassily as Imitari took bite after bite, and I knew he wasn't there anymore. Whatever made Stick Stick had either curled up and hidden in a dark corner of his mind or had been devoured with his arm.
The old woman seemed displeased that her meal had stopped struggling. She shook him, but he flopped, and his head lulled from side to side. Imitari frowned, let go of Stick's arm, and pushed down on the limp man's back. Blood gushed from the ragged stump, and Imitari lowered her mouth and drank from the wound like she was sipping from a garden hose.
Stick didn't move. He just grew pail, and eventually, his panicked, shallow breaths ended, and the blood stopped flowing.
Then Imitari stood. With a quick tug, she pulled Stick's body over the counter and let it flop to the floor at her feet. Her eyes closed. A contented smile bloomed on her face as the explosive sound of crunching and cracking bones echoed through the small shop.
The deafening sound of crunching stopped, and only the buzzing of the drinks cooler reverberated through the small space. Imitari opened her eyes and watched me, a broad smile still on her lips. At that moment, I realized I could hear the drinks cooler so well because I had crawled into it, wedged between the glass door and the shelves.
Imitari held me with her gaze as cords of pink flesh lowered from the ceiling and efficiently tidied up Stick's mess, lapping up blood and hot sauce, placing cans on shelves, and scooping up cups of ramen with whip-like tendrils. Then, the cords of flesh nudged me forward, and I stood before Old Lady Imitari.
The thing that I had always thought of as a stern old woman handed me Stick's cane. With the same benign smile I remembered from buying red hots from it as a ten-year-old, it waved me away with its flyswatter, and the cords of flesh pushed me out the door onto the sidewalk.

I do put “proof” in double quotes because I know there are skeptics who say this isn’t based on science, but I say go study up on both general relativity and quantum physics real quick I’ll wait /s Hear me out anyways. A quote from the movie Waking Life:
“Evolution of the organism will begin with the evolution of life, proceed through the hominid, coming to the evolution of mankind. Neanderthal, Cro-magnon man. Now interestingly, what you are looking at here are three strings: Biological, Anthropological, development of cities, cultures, and Cultural, which is human expression. Now, what you've seen here is the evolution of populations, not so much the evolution of individuals. And in addition, if you look at the time scales that's involved here, two billion years for life, six million years for the hominid, 100,000 years for mankind as we know it, you begin to see the telescoping nature of the evolutionary paradigm. And then, when you get to agriculture, when you get to scientific revolution and industrial revolution, you're looking at 10,000 years, 400 years, 150 years. You've seen a further telescoping of this evolutionary time. What that means is as we go through the new evolution, it's going to telescope to the point we should be able to see it manifest itself within our lifetime, within a generation.” -Eamonn Healy (Waking Life 2001)
I do think we are already falling into this singularity of a drastic transformation of human consciousness. It starts with individuals like some of you in this community but it will eventually crescendo until every conscious human evolves at once. Rejoice if you are already walking the path, your only duty is to help others along the way.
Science is so close to proving the existence of God/Source/Universal consciousness. It has already discovered there are unseen dimensions laid above ours (String theory posits that there are AT LEAST 10). General relativity has understood the 4th dimension pretty well (space-time) thanks to Einstein but it is well known it is incomplete. Quantum physics is now trying to understand the 5th dimension. (Vibrating strings and possibilities in the quantum field). Similarly, I believe there are different dimensions of human consciousness. The next paragraph is all subjective to my personal spiritual experience so take it with a grain of salt.
In this reality, we are 3D creatures living in a 4D universe and we perceive in 2D (Don’t argue this point, research it and understand it first) we can only communicate through language via sound. Very limiting to describe something as complex as “love.” In higher dimensions, we are able to directly communicate with emotions like love and directly communicate abstract ideas and concepts that is impossible for language to fully express.” I don’t know what’s next I haven’t experienced it yet.
Either way, buckle up friends, we are in for a wild ride in this lifetime.

All boycotts work super well, for a time.
But what about down the road? Boycotts are rarely permanent.
Persons get really mad at whatever the business is, boycott it by serving up a serious financial blow, then at some point the company makes some changes to slow the boycott to an eventual stop. Then a while later, their standard wheel of operations starts turning once again. This is a repeat scenario. It plays out over, and over, and over again.
When solid permanent change is absolutely necessary (and in this case it is!), people need to really think about how they can enter this market, and operate outside of the standard 'in the box' practices.
Small Co-op Grocery Stores are popping up in the suburbs of Montreal. Volunteers run the grocery store by offering a few hours of their time every month for free. It keeps the prices low for all who join, and it serves the needs of many people in smaller communities.
This idea is beyond amazing !!!! I encourage anyone who has an interest in the grocery business to look into this particular model. It's working great *(do a search and read about it, if you'd like). And if not this idea, invent some other very fair way of owning and operating a grocery store in your area.
Real change happens when new ideas become grounded into reality.
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