I will start with some background of my relationship. Me and my ex used to be classmates when we were kids. We drifted apart as he switched schools but we reconnected during high school and hit it off. I fell in love first and a couple years later we were in an exclusive relationship. 5 years went by and everything was going great. I had a great relationship with his mom and his sister...actually count everyone in his family. We had our ups and downs which in hindsight involved many incidents of emotional cheating but I didn't know better back then. The year I took admission in Masters, he got admitted in undergrad (there was a gap between our academic years because he took some gap after high school). After he started college which btw was in a different city, he got close with one of his classmates. Let's call her A. So A and my ex started hanging out all the time and even when they were not together they used to talk on call. Even when I called him at midnight, his number came busy and he told me they have some college stuff they need to discuss. This often resulted in a heated discussion between him and me where I got mad at him for not giving me enough time and him saying that I need to give him space and that he has a college life now. It was weird and unfair coz I too was in college and had been for almost last 4 years during which I never ignored him or our relationship. A few months passed by and our fights kept getting worse. There came a point where I was afraid that he was going to cheat on me and I told him that if he ever feels like this he should just drop a text that our relationship is over before acting on it. He called me crazy for even thinking something like this. A month later, he messaged me that he made a huge mistake and that he doesn't deserve me. I knew he had cheated. I asked him what happened and he said that he kissed A. It was a life shattering moment for me. He kept apologising and told me that he wanted to break up with me before he kissed her and that he had planned to end our relationship after the kiss but once it had happened he realized he made a mistake. I still loved him and wanted to forgive him. I also felt bad for A coz he technically misled her by promising a breakup with me. Although she knew what she was getting into so I was mad at her for being stupid and not a girl's girl. I wanted to work on our relationship but he told me that he needs some time to figure things out. We spent next 3 months on talking terms where I still loved him but I felt lonely as he was "taking his space to figure things out". There were days when I craved affection and got nothing. Meanwhile I reconnected with an old friend of mine who himself was recovering from a breakup and was very supportive. I used to have severe anxiety attacks during those 3 months and my friend really helped me through. 3 months later I met my ex as he was in the town. We both used to scroll through each other's phone so when we met I started doing that again while he ordered the food. I opened A's chat and after scrolling for a couple seconds, I came across a message that my ex had sent her where he admitted that "he wanted that moment to last forever". He ofc was talking about their kiss. I was shocked. I confronted him and he got mad at me at that I shouldn't have gone through his phone. I didn't want to create a scene so we had lunch and I left. That was my last straw. Reading that message in person finally made me fall out of love with him. We stayed in contact for next one week but he probably noticed the change in my temperament. He started saying "I love you" again which I asked him not to. He then got mad that I have changed and it's because of that old friend that I have been talking to. I told him that it doesn't matter and that I just don't have feelings for him anymore. He kept blaming my friend and texted him on Instagram that he shouldn't have come between us. I told my ex that I had finally processed his cheating and I don't wanna be with him. He said that if that was the case I should have left 3 months ago and not led him on. I do regret not leaving when he told me he cheated but in my defense it was a lot to take in and we ended up breaking up anyway so I don't think I did anything wrong. I don't think I owed him any explanation at this point as he was getting very aggressive. I blocked him from everywhere. Next day his mom and his sister called me. I didn't pick up the calls but replied to his sister. She asked me if it was true that I had left her brother for someone else. I told her I left him coz he had cheated. She didn't believe me in the beginning but once I told her that he admitted it himself she said I should have left 3 months ago and I was selfish to stay around while needing time to process things. I just told her what's done is done and I can't do anything about it. She said she understand. My ex kept trying to reach me through his friend's phone numbers and begged me to talk to him. I kept blocking every number and didn't respond to any of the messages or calls. Later I found out he had told everyone that I had left him for my friend. AITA for blocking him without giving him any closure?

I'm sure most of Chicago/Booth/Kellogg have heard of this company by now, but they also started recruiting consultants/MBA for their other branches (T25) so I made a post.
TLDR: If you're toxic, there's more worthy places to climb. If you aren't toxic, you will either be disgusted or turn toxic. This place will tank your resume/career progression if you stay for more than 2-3 years.
Quick Intro: McMaster-Carr is the Amazon of Industrial Supplies. They ship to the US Miltary, manufacturers, engineers, technicians, etc... Their customers are the engineers but the bills are paid by the Finance Dept hence as long as McM do a consistent good job delivering to the engineers, they can charge exorbitant amount (e.g $30 screw and $50 shipping; real example.) Their margins on most items are between 50% to 250% and revenue is $5B+. This is how they can pay entry managements with 0yoe $170k (bonus included, deferred saving excluded; see more below) and middle managers (3-10YOE) up to $300k.
Path/Exit: You will get a random rotation every 6-18 months. The rotation can be literally anything from Warehouse Operations Management Role to HR to Finance/Fraud. Management Trainee (0-18m depending on your background/initial performance). Supervisor (no pay raise as MT are expected to become Sup eventually; can be skipped if you have pre-MBA exp and did well in your initial performance.) ManageSeniorM (3-5yoe/5-8yoe; most people languished here until they decided to go all in or all out with McMaster.) After this come Regional ManageDirectoVP. You can leave at M/SM and might still be able to transition to a new careeindustry afterward. Otherwise, it's a tough sale. Even before the mid-2023 general market downturn, I knew Regional/Directors who took 1+ year just to switch to another manufacturing/industrial/supplychain job. Not even an industry switch.
Their Targets: In the past, 95%+ of management came from straight out of Ivy/Top Liberal Arts undergrad. This breeds an incredibly toxic environment since many of them are not mature/don't have leadership experience (the cream of the crop don't consider McMaster) and it's a case of the blinds leading the blinds. McM had a purge of toxic leaders back in mid-2010s but this problem returned. Since then, they have tried to recruit a few more consultants rather than depending solely on fresh grads. This recruiting effort has and continued to go miserably. Despite mass reach-out effort every single year, they only got some ex-B4 (1 Parthenon but the rest is regular B4), but they couldn't get anyone from T2 or MBB.
Nature of the work: (Micro)managing individual contributors and troubleshooting outdated issues (that are only found in 40yo+ warehouses) if you get a warehouse rotation. McM tries to sell you on these, but from my post-McM interviews as well as McM managers' outcomes, these skills are worthless. For once, the ICs get paid quite well so they work very hard. Management, in an attempt to justify their outrageous salary, tries to micromanage all the time even when outclassed by 20+ years of knowledge. IC vs Management issue will be further discussed in the Cons section. Another issue is that managing blue-collar is no way the same as managing white-collar so most hiring managers don't really care for this exp. The company doesn't really do marketing, M&A, or new market (it took them 30+ years to just now opening a new branch in Texas because McM's tech couldn't handle having 6 warehouses instead of 5.) I'm not kidding. They passed on growth opportunity for 30+ years because they didn't want to change... Also because the company doesn't do marketing, they are not good at customer behavior analytics, resulting in their website redesign that took 2+ years to get scraped ater 1 week due to customer complaints.)
Pro:
• Their pay. McM has a 2.9 Glassdoor rating despite having a 4.6 rating in Compensation and Benefits. Pay include:

 •Base (0yoe: ~115k; ~$10k for each add year; ~$160k for Manager) •Profit Sharing (average 50%+ of base; lowest was ~33% in 2008 & 45% in 2020; 2022 was ~50%+ and 2023 was ~60%) •Deferred Saving (25% of Base&PS. Vest schedule 0%/20%/40%/60%/80%/100% over 6 years.) 

• Their Education tuition policy: After the first 3 months, You can take any part-time program (e.g PT-MBA, PT-MS, PT-MA) or Certificate completely free, doesn’t have to be work-related, and no string attached. You can literally leave after they paid for your tuition and can still finish your course.
Cons: Glassdoor Reviews:
• There’s another purge/headcount reduction going on right now. A tidbit is that management above your level can see the performance review of everyone below them. This contributes to how much drama, backstabbing, and rumors float internally. Recently, an ex-Trainee even wrote a long post calling out his spineless manager and backstabbing coworkers in a GroupMe with 100+ members of management. The manager left soon after. The ex-Trainee even told McMaster to blacklist his undergrad for recruiting. Absolute legend.
• The operations and tech stack are very constrained and not replicable. The company uses 80s IBM Tech for CRM/ERP so unless you’re working on a Website-related project (which you can sometimes use Python/SQL), you will be writing outdated queries to pull data. McM also doesn’t use Powerpoint so you will have to learn Adobe Indesign. The company’s warehouses themselves have a ton of makeshifts and outdated stuff. If you get a warehouse assignment, you will be putting out fires arose from issues not addressed by the original warehouse design. If you think you will be value-add to a company like Amazon after your McMaster’s experience, you are wrong. Amazon warehouses are built in the early/mid 2010s and have about 30 years of new automation/technology integrated to them. McM is still tinkering with their first automated warehouse. Experience putting out fixed/nonexistent issues is worthless.
• This company hire fake review writers. You will notice the positive reviews are all generic and one line whereas the negative reviews (from both Managements and ICs) are all super long and super informative. You will also notice that there’s no longer a “Most Helpful” sort on Glassdoor. This is because all the negative reviews get liked so much. Now it’s just “Most Popular” which is just fake reviews with 0 like/dislike.
• Relationships between Management and Individual Contributors are more fraught than ever. The situation has always been incredibly tense because ICs were viewed with incredible disdain by Management (most of whom are rich Ivy/Top School graduates) but has only gotten worse with automation and market uncertainty.
• Management’s official policy is to never promote Individual Contributors. A fresh grad (0YOE) can instantly become a supervisor but somehow an IC needed 8+ years of consistent excellent performance to be considered. Management can become Manager in as little as 2yoe out of Undergrad, whereas IC -> Manager is so rare I can count the Chicago Branch on two hands. And no, it’s not because ICs are not qualified/hardworking. Just imagine how hard it is to work at Amazon-pace for EIGHT YEARS just to be equal to a college brown-nose.
• Management’s unofficial policy is to avoid eye contact or saying hello to ICs unless the ICs initiated it. ICs were afraid to take more than one food/souvenir item during an open house event even though we had so much leftover. A manager even complained that other managers were making fun of ICs for work-place injuries (think Amazon warehouse-like injuries such as overexertion, nerve damage, wrist/knees/back issues.) Absolutely devoid of humanity.
• The company had been automating part of the Atlanta and Chicago warehouses. Managements assigned to be tour guides of these automated warehouses were told to lie say that no IC headcount reduction will occur. Obviously, there were a rise in suspicious performance evaluation after these were built. Also, I was one of the tour guides and were asked by multiple ICs where the observation cameras will be in the ceiling. The fact that multiple raised this seemingly-joking-yet-alarming question tells you just how much Management has trained ICs to become paranoid over time. If you’re a new-hire consultant at McM and feels related to this meme, just know you will be holding the mop to clean up and not the lightsaber.

Some context:

• I (36M) (throwaway account)
• Wife (45F)
• Daughter (3.7 yo)
• Married since 2017, we were together since 2008 (the year we first met)
• I did the big/huge/monster mistake to continue this relationship despite this obvious problem that you're going to read about. I think I did that because I was deeply physically attracted to her, she was the first love of my life (girlfriend then wife) and because I always believed I could bring back the person she was in 2008, where she was so present, so in touch with me, always available to talk and have deep discussions (but that was just the honeymoon phase of a first love and I didn't know this because it was my first experience)
• I think that with the baby's arrival all the things that didn't work before the arrival, only exploded because of the amount of stress we went through
• I'm not searching for advice or anything, I just want to share my pain with you

--- The letter ---
Dear Wife,
It is with great sadness that I write this letter, but also with great joy for having finally understood what is wrong between us and what the definitive solution is.
Every single day of my life, from July 2009 to today, I have spent time trying to establish a dialogue with you and get your attention without success.
You are always there in body but never in mind.
When I'm able to talk to you, you are present for only a few moments, briefly respond, and then retreat into your beloved thoughts to converse with yourself instead of with me, or to do something else (important or not).
I have tried hundreds of times to express to you how all this makes me feel, how much it hurts me, how I long with all my heart to be in contact with you like we were in 2008, but there was no way to make you understand.
Thus, for all these years of our life, the following scheme has gone on:

1. I try to establish contact with you multiple times during the day.
2. You don't pay attention / you respond with monosyllables / you are not involved in the conversation / you respond rudely.
3. I feel rejected because you don't want to talk to me; I understand that I can't talk to you, I'm not important to you, and by necessity, I shut down because there is no communication and sharing (what you call a long face). You notice the long face and do everything to get me out of it because you hate it, but not what you should do (i.e., insist on asking what’s wrong to establish the contact that was not established before, and then be available to talk the next times). Lately, your solution has been to attack me verbally or physically to force a change in me (e.g., "Enough with these damn long faces! Smile, damn it! Don't sit there like a fool"). This is devastating for me because not only can I not talk to the person I love, but I am also insulted when I expose the problem.
4. When you want to spend quality time, as you call it, on weekends when you are calmer and more relaxed, you are fine, but I am devastated and no longer want to spend quality time with you because I don’t feel well and am upset with you.

If by chance I manage to start a conversation, after a few interactions, you are already back in your head thinking about your things.
This has existed since that July of 2009, as I was telling you, look here: (some email screenshots from 2011) Further examples below (other screenshots)
These are some of the emails I’ve recovered.
It’s useless to say:

• Now there's the baby.
• Before it was work.
• Before it was something else.
• Before it was another thing.

The lack of communication from you towards me is invariant to the things that have happened in our lives.
Look the other day:

• I gave you 1 hour to rest asking you if we could talk.
• I start talking and you get up to take your medicine (because in your head it’s always "oh, he's talking, so meanwhile I can take care of something else"), and after I start talking about this problem, you start telling me "With all the damn problems we have, you have time to talk about this nonsense?" and then told me "Don't you know that people can do other things while you're talking and still be present, hear you and have a conversation with you?"

I have studied it all for a long time, meditating on everything, and I simply believe that, besides no longer being interested in me, you have a mind that works as follows:

• You are perpetually distracted, absorbed in your head and your thoughts, you have a much deeper level of introversion than mine from which you can't easily emerge, you create situations, conversations, battles, etc.
• You think in terms of projects and things to do: in 2011 (I remembered) you were working respectively on 3 different projects (a crazy amount). Obviously, I was getting the leftover attention from this combo. Now there’s the baby, and I am just a satellite orbiting around the two of you, only useful to procure food and necessary things.
• You get very stuck on things and don't want to let go of your fixations. It's likely that you have the hyperfocus of people with ADHD, read more about it here in detail. Regarding the last point, I'll copy and paste the most relevant parts: Hyperfocus in an adult with ADHD allows one to concentrate attention on a single task, often achieving extremely high productivity at the expense of everything around, such as a family member talking or a pot on the stove.

How you mismanaged things with me in the past:

• Manipulation: "Oh, come on, you're the one who's fixated, of course we talk, what are we doing now, excuse me?"
• Insult: "These damn things again? Do you want the truth, Husband? You're a pain in the ass."
• Ultimatum: "If you want, you change, I won't change" "I'm going to the lawyer"
• When cornered: sex and that's it

The only times you are mentally present are when we argue, then you are definitely there.
The only moment I feel connected to you is during sex, but that's 20 minutes every how many days? Does that seem normal to you? When we're older and without sex, won't we even look at each other anymore?
With the baby's arrival, all this has come out like a frog from a boiling pot. Our Daughter sees it, senses it, perceives these dynamics, and it hurts her.
I'm sorry but I have reached my limit.
You are the only person I can't talk to, but with whom I desperately want to talk, share ideas, opinions, thoughts, etc., even 24 hours for 30 consecutive days (like we did in 2008).
You are the only one who brings out the long faces; my best friends, my grandmother, other friends, and former colleagues bring out smiles, jokes, the best of me.
This is our main problem.
If you had managed to maintain communication with me over time as in 2008, you would have a very close person, who would treat you like a queen, who would do everything to keep you happy, but you continuously reject and despise me.
Besides all this, in recent years, there have also been:

• Heavy insults
• Constant threats
• Spits in the face
• Kicks and slaps

You have no respect for me anymore, zero.
The affection has totally disappeared; I'm writing now after more than 8 days without receiving a kiss, a cuddle, a caress from you (yes I count them).
Wife, in a loving couple, this has no place, it’s not normal, it’s not a demonstration of love. It’s totally out of the question. There has never been a time when you said: Wow Husband, you're right, I sincerely apologize, now for the next 2 hours I will put down the phone, this, that, and talk to you. NO.
You don't even think of that.
I am telling you that for me, we have reached the end. You don't listen to me and don't talk to me.
You don't care about the problem; everything is okay for you, and I have to solve it on my own.
I have been fighting for years; in recent months, I have written over and over again, but nothing.
As Biden in February 2022 left no room for compromise with Putin regarding the Ukraine issue, forcing him to proceed, I do the same.
I want divorce and I do not want to live with you anymore.

Hey docs and other practicioners,
I'm 27 yo M from continental Western-Europe. In DSM/ICD categorical terms, I suffer from GAD, MDD (multiple episodes, too many to count, started around 19, 1 suicide attempt, active and passive suicidal ideation typical during episodes), ADHD, nicotine dependecy (+possibly ASD/social anxiety/sleep apnea/convergence insufficiency but they're all things we've yet to explore).
Psycho-socially speaking I've had a very difficult childhood to say the least (though I do not feel traumatized by it, it'd be a suprise if it didn't impact my nervous system's development), dysfunctional family, in the closet as an atheist and gay man from an Arab/Muslim family, poverty, live alone on social security, never had a job, been trying to get a higher education degree since forever etc. All a complicated mess.
Mental health issues have wrecked my life and destroyed all of my dreams and ambitions, even though on paper I have the intellectual abilities to achieve them.
I thought initially that how I felt was normal, just some "shit life syndrome", so for years I've tried on my own with no success. It was only when I talked to all these people with similar backgrounds, who didn't have the same devastating mental experience as me, that I realized there was something fundamentally different about my experience of my shit life. These folks had very difficult lives and were doing ok and managed to actively work in spite of all determinisms to make it better one day, without losing hope and persevering. Some of them are already succeeding, other are still working and not giving up. Other are ok with where they are and not that pressed about their issues.
Anyway, saw a bunch of psychiatrists over the years who all ended up with the same basic diagnoses (ADHD, GAD, MDD), tried a bunch of meds with little success. Sticking with the current one because we have a good therapeutic relationship,we started everything from scratch after almost a year with no meds.
Anyway, I'm on 50mg Vyvanse, 20mg escitalopram, current psych encouraged me recently to start psychotherapy which I did, the psychologist seems good too.
It's been months now. Mentally I'm nowhere near my worst, though far far away from well, functionally there doesn't seem to be much improvement. Plus after 4 weeks on 20mg escitalopram where it felt like I was getting better, the last 3 days that uncomfortable depression/anxiety feeling is starting to creep back in out of nowhere. I'm hoping it's an anomaly.
I'm not suicidal rn but I don't know if I'll be able to spend a lifetime like this. My life is passing me by. I just want to live, move on and instead I'm this dysfunctional mess. Even if I were to stabilize, how long before tolerance/poop-out kicks in, and then back on the medication trial-and-error carousel, back on the "try this psychotherapy modality" carousel.
I don't miss a single appointment with the psychiatrist (and since recently psychologist), never miss taking meds, stopped (chain-)smoking tobacco, stopped my precious coffee. I know vaping isn't healthy but working on it. Trying to fix my sleep schedule (I have heavy "bedtime resistance") etc. I don't know what else I'm supposed to do.
My only hope is future psychiatry/psychology managing to give me at least a couple of years of mental peace. If not, I'm thinking of discussing euthanasia with my doctor cause I can't spend a lifetime like this. I'd rather stop suffering now.
TLDR: little solid mental and functional advancements made for now in my mental health journey, afraid I'll spend my life trying, current options seem limited and unsustainable, thinking of opening the discussion on euthanasia if I won't ever manage to live a productive life I can be at least a little proud of.

So I have more evidence of the duration of contact. She's 7 months married. 6.5 months pregnant.
It started out sexual from his first words. Calling her sexy. Asking to video chat. She didn't, but deflected in a passive way. I know they transitioned to Snapchat after he asked to video chat and stopped using Instagram. ~3.5 yr gap from then to when they added each other on this latest instance of his Snapchat.
Proof I nailed it on at least two counts in our previous talk when I told her that "I don't remember" isn't the defense she thinks it is. It's just harmful stonewalling and lying and I'm going to operate under the assumption: of the possible answers, it's the worst one. Don't remember how long it has been going on for? I take that to mean it's been the whole time. It happened before our relationship and never stopped. She acknowledged that he had asked for sexual pictures. I asked when he started that. "I don't remember." Well that just means that's the status quo. You don't have an event to point to because it didn't stand out. That's just the nature of your conversation. It's always been him pushing boundaries and asking for it.
So when I ask what video she sent and she says "I don't remember?" When I ask what else she has sent and she says "nothing else inappropriate?" Well I don't have proof but I know what my gut feeling is. Let's not get into the "inappropriate" nature of the admitted venting to your ex who about our relationship problems...
Time for another confrontation with newfound evidence to poke holes. Let's see if it's enough to trigger her to come clean now on the rest.
She tries to minimize it. Reiterates that nothing else inappropriate was sent. I tell her that the whole thing is inappropriate and should have been shut down when it started in the way that it did. I asked what was exchanged on Snapchat. She said he asked for more but that she told him I'm married and don't want to do that. I pointed out that he was calling her sexy and asking to video chat and there's no hint of that sentiment in the months it took to move to Snapchat. All I see is (AP):"you're looking sexy" (WW) "thanks. you're looking good too!" and "Im 8 mo pregnant, tired, and don't want to be on camera." Nothing even vaguely expressing its inappropriate or that you want it to stop because you're married. Just quick on the draw when he asks to see that sexy belly or that cute face. Asking to video chat, a shared Snapchat username, and right on over to the platform designed for sexting. Either it's as you say, that you didn't care about him at all and just went along in the most passive way imaginable or you were an enthusiastic participant. I think it's the latter.
She deflects and brings up me texting my ex at one point with a picture of our new baby. Also mentioned a girl I have on Snapchat. Turns out she must have snooped in my phone? Well she never mentioned it to me despite "it shaking her."
Another example of a huge personality flaw of hers. No communication. She just bottled it up and used it as justification for eroding our marriage. If she had mentioned it at the time, it could have been addressed and put to rest. One benefit to living a clean life. I told her that my recollection of the nature of the conversation I had with her was that it was short, congratulating her on getting married and sharing that we had our daughter. That I haven't spoken to her since. As for the other one brought up that's a Snapchat friend, she is a childhood friend that was a few years younger and not an ex. Our parents worked together and our families hung out a lot. That she's in a happy long term committed relationship on the other side of the country and that I havent seen her since we were like 15 and 12. That we had previously talked in college and before our relationship about each others' relationships. Mainly to vent about ones that had ended or complain about the lack of options. At one point she was in one where he wasn't very committed and I told her she deserves better. I hadn't said anything during a relationship besides being happy and wishing her the same. This all being prior to our relationship. Since then it's pretty much just random pictures you send out to everyone like stuff our family is doing or of her and her SO/dog, but not engaging directly. So yeah, nice try at deflection, but these are wildly different actions.
All this gives me the idea to go see if she's got her old phone around somewhere with old messages from before we dated. I had seen the stuff mentioned in the previous post, but had drawn a line back then to not look at anything from before we dated. I feel it's relevant now for texts with AP at least, to be an example of how they interact.
Found it, and checked when she was away. Read their conversation history. Everything out of his mouth is sexual. Pushing for photos. Sending nudes. He was married at the time. She wasn't super cooperative at first, bringing up the wife, but still ended up sending nudes in response to his. About a year and a half before we got together, while she was between boyfriends, he asked to meet her at a hotel when she came back home for the holidays and she agreed. Later said she couldn't because she just started dating someone and wasn't the type of person to do stuff with two guys. Partial credit I guess? Still not a great look into the character of my wife to be comfortable as AP.
Anyway. Stashed away the evidence. I did do some internet sleuthing and found the address, phone numbers, Facebook, etc of him and his wife. More on that later.
In our conversations about him and their history together, she did mention that before we met, she was in a relationship where the guy was suspicious/jealous and was physically threatening (punched a wall next to her) and sexually assaulted her. That she had told the ex and he confronted the guy and made him back off. So there's a new aspect of trauma she hadn't shared fully. She had shared early on that she had a relationship with someone she was scared of who got jealous and started stalking her but hadn't shared the rest. She won't tell me his name which is probably good for my own continuing "not in jail" legal status, but fuck.... I can appreciate what he did for her and still think he's scum. I can understand the sense of owing him for that and wanting that as an option for protection, which lead to putting up with it despite not wanting to follow through (as she claims). That doesn't excuse continuing into marriage though. It's also fertile ground for an emotional affair if he's the confidant she talks to when things are rough. There's also the "well I've seen it already so it's not a big deal if you send more pictures" aspect that makes it easy to slip into that dynamic.
More to follow. I did however have a session with an IC thru talkspace which went well. She brought up BPD which after looking, I can't say hits on all counts but there's definitely a lot of overlap with the Petulant subtype.

I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost a year after ending a horrible loveless marriage about 2 years ago. When my boyfriend (55) and I (40) met, sparks flew and we hit it off immediately. I had already given up on the idea of having children after being stuck in an unfulfilling marriage so it was a surprise when my boyfriend and I learned we were pregnant with my first baby (he has 2 teenage children). During the duration of our relationship (much of it being pregnant), he has given me various nicknames including some that I find hurtful and rude. He’s trying to be funny and gives other people nicknames but I just wish it was something more endearing from him, especially being pregnant and carrying his child. Things between us have gotten more strained at we approached our baby’s due date, yesterday, and I can’t help but start to internalize his various nicknames. In the duration of our relationship, he’s called me “not too choosy floozy”, “mostly white woman” (I’m multiracial), “5/8 fiancée”, “incubator”, and most recently “almost MILF.” Not only does he call me these names but he’ll change how I am identified in his cell phone so these various names have come up at different times on his cell phone. I have told him that its offensive and hurtful, especially “not too choosy floozy” since I had recently been separated before meeting him. Right now, I feel like I’m losing autonomy in my pregnancy having had the due date come and go yesterday and I truly just feel like an incubator. There was some concern 4 days ago about decreased fetal movement and we called L&D triage who advised us to do fetal movement counts. The baby started moving more normally and has been pretty active since then but he was still upset and concerned about the decreased fetal movements, despite me telling him and trying to reassure him that I was feeling the baby actively move normally in the last few days. I also tried to get him to feel the movements but he was too impatient and didn’t feel what I was feeling. We had an argument last night and ended up going to get checked out at L&D triage to appease him and all the fetal heart monitoring and activity was normal. They checked my cervix which had no signs of dilation or effacement yet. I’m just not in early labor yet, which is what I also have been telling him, but I feel like things are progressing as expected with some BH contractions and low pelvic cramping but not consistent with any patterns. On the way home he basically told me he’s only worried about the baby and not what I’m feeling. So not only do I not feel heard and unsupported, I truly feel like I am just an incubator at this point. I feel like I’m stuck and not seen for who I am as a complete person and it feels so degrading, especially trying everything I can to be a good mom to our unborn baby. When it comes time, I don’t know that I even want him in the delivery room.

I'm sure most of Chicago/Booth/Kellogg have heard of this company by now, but they recently started recruiting consultants/MBA for their other branches (T25) so I make the post.
Quick Intro: McMaster-Carr is the Amazon of Industrial Supplies. They ship to the US Miltary, manufacturers, engineers, technicians, etc... Their customers are the engineers but the bills are paid by the Finance Dept hence as long as McM do a consistent good job delivering to the engineers, they can charge exorbitant amount (e.g $30 screw and $50 shipping; real example.)This is how they can pay entry managements with 0yoe $170k (bonus included, deferred saving excluded) and middle managers (3-10YOE) up to $300k.
Path/Exit: You will get a random rotation every 6-18 months. The rotation can be literally anything from Warehouse Operations Management Role to HR to Finance/Fraud. Management Trainee (0-18m depending on your background/initial performance). Supervisor (no pay raise as MT are expected to become Sup eventually; can be skipped if you have pre-MBA exp and did well in your initial performance.) ManageSeniorM (3-5yoe/5-8yoe; most people languished here until they decided to go all in or all out with McMaster.) After this come Regional ManageDirectoVP. You can leave at M/SM and might still be able to transition to a new careeindustry afterward. Otherwise, it's a tough sale. Even before the mid-2023 general market downturn, I knew Regional/Directors who took 1+ year just to switch to another industrial/industrial job. Not even an industry switch.
Their Targets: In the past, 95%+ of management came from straight out of Ivy/Top Liberal Arts undergrad. This breeds an incredibly toxic environment since many of them are not mature/don't have leadership experience (the cream of the crop don't consider McMaster) and it's a case of the blinds leading the blinds. McM had a purge of toxic leaders back in mid-2010s but this problem returned. Since then, they have tried to recruit a few more consultants rather than depending solely on fresh grads. This recruiting effort has and continued to go miserably. Despite mass reach-out effort every single year, they only got some ex-B4 (1 Parthenon but the rest is regular B4), but they couldn't get anyone from T2 or MBB.
Nature of the work: (Micro)managing individual contributors and troubleshooting outdated issues (that are only found in 40yo+ warehouses) if you get a warehouse rotation. McM tries to sell you on these, but from my post-McM job interviews as well as McM managers' outcomes, these skills are worthless. For once, the ICs get paid quite well so they work very hard. Management, in an attempt to justify their outrageous salary, tries to micromanage all the time even when outclassed by 20+ years of knowledge. IC vs Management issue will be further discussed in the Cons section. Another issue is that managing blue-collar is no way the same as managing white-collar so most hiring managers don't really care for this exp. The company doesn't really do marketing, M&A, or new market (it took them 30+ years to just now opening a new branch in Texas because McM's tech couldn't handle having 6 warehouses instead of 5.) I'm not kidding. They passed on growth opportunity for 30+ years because they didn't want to change... Also because the company doesn't do marketing, they are not good at customer behavior analytics, resulting in their website redesign that took 2+ years to get scraped ater 1 week due to customer complaints.)
Pro:
• Their pay. McM has a 2.9 Glassdoor rating despite having a 4.6 rating in Compensation and Benefits. Pay include:

 •Base (0yoe: ~115k; ~$10k for each add year; ~$160k for Manager) •Profit Sharing (average 50%+ of base; lowest was ~33% in 2008 & 45% in 2020; 2022 was ~50%+ and 2023 was ~60%) •Deferred Saving (25% of Base&PS. Vest schedule 0%/20%/40%/60%/80%/100% over 6 years.) 

• Their Education tuition policy: After the first 3 months, You can take any part-time program (e.g PT-MBA, PT-MS, PT-MA) or Certificate completely free, doesn’t have to be work-related, and no string attached. You can literally leave after they paid for your tuition and can still finish your course.
Cons: Glassdoor Reviews:
• There’s another purge/headcount reduction going on right now. A tidbit is that management above your level can see the performance review of everyone below them. This contributes to how much drama, backstabbing, and rumors float internally. Recently, an ex-Trainee even wrote a long post calling out his spineless manager and backstabbing coworkers in a GroupMe with 100+ members of management. The manager left soon after. The ex-MT even told McMaster to blacklist his undergrad for recruiting. Absolute legend.
• The operations and tech stack are very constrained and not replicable. The company uses 80s IBM Tech for CRM/ERP so unless you’re working on a Website-related project (which you can sometimes use Python/SQL), you will be writing outdated queries to pull data. McM also doesn’t use Powerpoint so you will have to learn Adobe Indesign. The company’s warehouses themselves have a ton of makeshifts and outdated stuff. If you get a warehouse assignment, you will be putting out fires arose from issues not addressed by the original warehouse design. If you think you will be value-add to a company like Amazon after your McMaster’s experience, you are wrong. Amazon warehouses are built in the early/mid 2010s and have about 30 years of new automation/technology integrated to them. McM is still tinkering with their first automated warehouse. Experience putting out fixed/nonexistent issues is worthless.
• This company hire fake review writers. You will notice the positive reviews are all generic and one line whereas the negative reviews (from both Managements and ICs) are all super long and super informative. You will also notice that there’s no longer a “Most Helpful” sort on Glassdoor. This is because all the negative reviews get liked so much. Now it’s just “Most Popular” which is just fake reviews with 0 like/dislike.
• Relationships between Management and Individual Contributors are more fraught than ever. The situation has always been incredibly tense because ICs were viewed with incredible disdain by Management (most of whom are rich Ivy/Top School graduates) but has only gotten worse with automation and market uncertainty.
• Management’s official policy is to never promote Individual Contributors. A fresh grad (0YOE) can instantly become a supervisor but somehow an IC needed 8+ years of consistent excellent performance to be considered. Management can become Manager in as little as 2yoe out of Undergrad, whereas IC -> Manager is so rare I can count the Chicago Branch on two hands. And no, it’s not because ICs are not qualified/hardworking. Just imagine how hard it is to work at Amazon-pace for EIGHT YEARS just to be equal to a college brown-nose.
• Management’s unofficial policy is to avoid eye contact or saying hello to ICs unless the ICs initiated it. ICs were afraid to take more than one food/souvenir item during an open house event even though we had so much leftover. A manager even complained that other managers were making fun of ICs for work-place injuries (think Amazon warehouse-like injuries such as overexertion, nerve damage, wrist/knees/back issues.) Absolutely devoid of humanity.
• The company had been automating part of the Atlanta and Chicago warehouses. Managements assigned to be tour guides of these automated warehouses were told to lie say that no IC headcount reduction will occur. Obviously, there were a rise in suspicious performance evaluation after these were built. Also, I was one of the tour guides and were asked by multiple ICs where the observation cameras will be in the ceiling. The fact that multiple raised this seemingly-joking-yet-alarming question tells you just how much Management has trained ICs to become paranoid over time. If you’re a new-hire consultant and feels related to this meme, just know you will be holding the mop to clean up and not the lightsaber.

I don’t know where to start with this. There is so much and I’m pretty sure this is above reddits paygrade. I just don’t know where to turn too. I (38f) have been with my fiancé’ (38m) for almost 4 years now. I love him but I think I want out of the relationship. I can’t imagine being with someone else but I also cant imagine doing this for my entire life. There is so much to go over but I’m pretty sure at the end of this I am a huge double triple huge asshole for how I feel. I won’t make excuses. All I’ll say is that this has been happening long before we got to here. There is a lot of context but the first thing I guess I should address is that we both have chronic health issues. His is much more life threatening if not maintained but for the most part is healthy. He rarely gets sick but when he does it’s pretty bad. He has a rare form of anemia that is only treatable by lifelong steroid use or bone marrow transplant. I always keep up with his health and his hemoglobin levels are good but I don’t schedule his apps or attend all visits. He does all that. About a year and a half ago transplant talk was put on the table and he was vehemently against it. But after about a year he realized there wasn’t a choice his meds aren’t working anymore. I’ve always asked if hes in pain or struggling he makes it very clear he is fine and that he would tell me if he wasn’t. I am super aware of when things look off, or if he looks really pale. I always ask questions and when I do go to the doctors apps I pay attention.
I have an autoimmune disorder. It varies from being annoying as fucking hell to down right painful and I can’t walk. He has been less than sympathetic to just down right making fun of me. He’s told me I need to live in a bubble to you’re always sick, to what doesn’t hurt on you. Not much dude. Not much. To be clear I don’t whine, I don’t miss work unless is unavoidable, I went to work with Flu A, B and covid before I almost out right couldn’t set up. I’ve had full blown asthma attack on the bed and in-between breathes asked for him to get the nebulizer because I didn’t have a rescue inhaler anymore. My daughters cat laid on me because I was so sick and doing the treatment and while most cats love me, I’m not this cats favorite but even he was like mom needs me. He looked annoyed and thought I was being dramatic. It wasn’t until the doctor told me I was super mega sick that he relented. Im on immunosuppressants and I have two small school age kids who are walking petri dishes, I catch a lot. Its not for a lack of trying no too. One of the biggest I have a bad tendency to get yeast infections, its chronic and not entirely unavoidable. Sex is a huge factor in this and it’s a snow ball effect, it starts with a yeast infection that blooms in to a full on UTI then my lichen Sclerosis flares, and lots and lots of sex exacerbates these issues. He likes to bring up the first year we were together that we had a lot of sex but we didn’t live together and had to many days apart. I spent 100s of dollars on yeast meds and suppositories. I still ended up in urgent care for a UTI that caused a fever so high they were convinced I was septic. I wasn’t but I felt super awful. When we moved in together the sex things seem to bother him more. He had issues with all the things wrong and I tried to explain and give him things to read but it seemed to fall on deaf ears. We fought about it constantly. We had full blown arguments over sweatpants and sexy clothing. To when he actually told me unless I wore sexy panties sex didn’t matter to him. He apologizes after but I know that he meant what he said. I’ve never lied to him about any thing, I’m not an overly sexual person and not usually open about being attracted to someone but I have tried to meet him halfway. I knew my illness was causing a lot of problems so I tried so hard to be better. I had gained a lot of weight from steroid use so I went and got help to loose the weight, Ive lost like almost 80lbs. Ive gotten down to only one suppressant medication. But the skin issues still linger. I was told there wasn’t much I could do about it. I’ve gone to the doctor multiple times just for this issue. I’ve tried supplements and boric acid suppositories. Its helped but not enough to really notice. We just had to make changes to the way we have sex, we are still having it 2-3 times a week but we have to have days in-between and we have to minimize sperm contacting my skin. I was also diagnosed with seminal plasma hypersensitivity which is common with my skin disorders and it is an allergic reaction. But I have to put a huge wall up for spontaneous sex which is a huge bummer and he is 100% reliant on me being the one that’s spontaneous. Which he doesn’t think is fair. I understand all that but I’ve explained if sex hurt him or caused the issues I’ve had you’d understand why I have to do it this way. There have been times where I’ve had issues and had to abstain for sex or a week but It’s never been much longer than that and he’s constantly asking if its better or if we can do it. He rushes care and a lot of times I’m reinfected or I just never went away cause its never had time to heal. The only time he doesn’t press as bad is when I’m on my period and even then he makes comments about putting a towel down. He talks about sex constantly, asks for blow jobs when I can’t and insists on trying to lick me when I’m not in the mood. When someone has a yeast infection they aren’t thinking about anything going anywhere near this vag, they are uncomfortable and wished they could rip it off and throw it away. I have counted how many times hes brought up having sex in an hour and the most he’s done it is 23 times the least is 8. He can’t have a conversation with me without bringing it up. I could be talking about something completely different and he’ll go we doing it today? Completely off topic. ITs so much worse now that hes going to have to have transplant and has to go at the very least 30days with out sex. The first questions he asked whenever this was happening had nothing to do with will I live it’s been when can I have sex? He’s willing to risk my health and his health for it. I just can’t anymore. His main concern this entire time is don’t find someone else and don’t fuck anyone else. Not I love you and all of our kids, its’ been just about this and that he’s going to be ugly after the transplant. To which I could give a fuck about. I want to be clear I love him, I love having sex with him but this is just really hard to deal with. I’ve tried talking to him Ive tried expressing that this isn’t normal. He gets super defensive that why are you in a relationship for if you aren’t going to touch them and the entitlement to just grab at me has more than once sent me on edge. I’ve tried to explain it just devolves into fight where he just shuts down and says I just won’t fucking touch you period. Then spins it as I’m the one making a big deal. Its just sex.
These aren’t the only issues, we both have children from previous relationships my kids are much younger and hes jealous of the attention they get, hes so worried about me and him he doesn’t even pay attention to his own kids who are now teenagers. During this whole transplant talk hes made comments that he can’t wait to be alone and have a break from work and no kids around. His kids have heard him. All 4 are taking this super hard, he doesn’t care, he just says my kids are clingy and can’t do anything on their own. My kids are 7 and 5. I can go into more details but this would be so effing long if I did. And to be clear about this he has had these behaviors probably for the past 2 years way before we had the transplant conversations.
I know that I’m supposed to be one of his carers after the transplant. His mom will be primary as I am the main caregiver of my bio children and he will be located about 3 hours away. We were gone to testing this week and things were pretty fun we played and best friend game and for once no topics of sex came up. And it was like I got a glimpse of the person I fell in love with. But the next day it was right back to talking about sex every time he looked at me. When were seeing doctors, I had to excuse myself at one point because I realized if the roles were reversed he wouldn’t do this for me. If I lost any part of my beauty or ability to have sex this would be over. IT was so sobering and I was devastated. I tried talking to him when we got home and it caused a fight that we are still currently in. He says I’m not interested in sex every and he doesn’t try anymore cause Im never in the mood. Ive explained that constantly talking about it ruins it. Ive showed him time and time again if you just stop you get more from me. He doesn’t care. I don’t want to be his carer anymore. And I know that makes me a horrible person. Please excuse typos I am on voice text.

To start off this all started after my mom and dad got married they have a bad relationship with my dad’s parents with personal matters I won’t share so for context they never treated my dad right and my dad has two sisters I don’t know their ages. But my dad was abused and tormented in their house and at 13 they kicked me dad out so my dad went and lived with relatives till he met my mom (F 38) and my dad (M 41) went no contact with his parents and siblings now to describe them. My dad’s older sister is a few years older than him but I don’t know about his other sister she must be younger than him so my dad’s older sister has problem with having children for quite a few years but she is bitch so bitchy so bitchy I can’t describe it. And my dad’s other sister well she is a bit crazy she was normal but she kinda lost half her mind but she stays a bit normal most of the time. Now my parents are highly and I mean very religious being from an Indian household and when my mom was pregnant with me my dad’s father let’s call him pp. So pp told my mom that she would get a miscarriage become infertile and become childless as well as some swear words so my parents think now her daughter can’t have children and god is watching them. They also told my mom when she was pregnant with my little brother that she would loose her mind and they also tried well something I can’t really say here but you get it something serious when my mom was prego with me my brother I think or it was me but the maid who worked at our house saved her on time. So you get it it’s pretty bad well for personal matters again. My dad had to sadly get in contact. Well my dad never got the love he needed and those motherfucking bastards manipulated him and my dad took my little brother there but me and my mom hate them so we didn’t really react much but my brother has changed after going there always talking about them he has become so extra annoying to be near. He shows me the middle finger called me bad names and you know hit me and stuff. Well my mom always stopped him but I didn’t lay hands on him because then I would get scolded so much. And other then all that once my mom didn’t come with us and my brother said he wanted to go so my father took us there and forced me to go too there well my mom is obese not saying it in a bad way but my mom and dad have a bunch of health problems and stress and after my mom gave birth to me and my brother she became like that so the audacity of those motherfucking bastards and good for nothing retarted shits always messed with me and my mom when my dad wasn’t there so they went as far as to comment about my mom’s mother who is dead and I loved my grandmother and I don’t even count them as related to me anymore and I always say I only have one pair of grandparents (my mom’s parents) they commented on my body my mothers and my grandma as well as my aunt (masi) as we call our mom’s sister in India. I won’t say what they said because it is beyond vile and I actually cried and I’m in my teenage years so I’m already very very insecure so I starved myself for 3 days and only ate one meal for a week then I told my mom and my parents had a big fight and my grandma always took care of my dad like her own son but when I told my dad what happened he told me to shut up and suck it up and that they were just telling me what to do to be “healthy” that’s when my mom lost it when I told her what my dad said (my parents are in an arranged marriage and my dad loves my mom but she doesn’t really my dad has also cheated on her.) And after that today my brother went to their house and he wanted to go pee but they didn’t allow him and he peed his pants and there are some clothes of my brother there but my dad’s younger sister told him to shut up and that go home and change well my dad took him home and my mom really got pissed off after my brother told her but then my brother came to my room and demanded in a very annoying tone I play with him now or else and I was studying so I said no and then he ran and jumped on me. He pulled my hair and hit me and my mom saw but I pushed my brother off angrily and yelled at him so then my mom yelled at me and told me I need to be good with him and that if I don’t act nice with him he will go closer to those bitches and you’ll lose the title as his sister so I yelled back and argued with her then she compared me to my dad’s older sister so I cried then she told me I’m useless and left my room so I haven’t talked to her for a couple of hours. AITA?
(Also I will reveal some other stuff later and update and share more in a bit.)

Episode 13 - Good-bye, Fiolina
^{Episode aired March 28th, 1976}
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Although I don't believe it necessitates stating, please conduct yourself appropriately and be courteous to your fellow participants.
Note to all Rewatchers
Rewatchers, please be mindful of your fellow first-timers and tag your spoilers appropriately using the anime spoiler tag if your comment holds even the slightest of indicators as to future spoilers. Feel free to discuss future plot points behind the safe veil of a spoiler tag, or coyly and discreetly ‘Laugh in Rewatcher’ at our first-timers' temporary ignorance, but please ensure our first-timers are no more privy or suspicious than they were the moment they opened the day’s thread.
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Staff Highlight
Masaro Kuroda (Sometimes referred to as Yoshio Kuroda) - Storyboard artist

An anime director and storyboard artist best known for his work on early Toei Animation shows and several World Masterpiece Theatre shows. Sometime after graduating from Waseda University's First Faculty of Literature, Kuroda came to work at Toei Animation, where he mainly worked on their television output and came to meet many of his future colleagues and collaborators. Following the Toei Union strikes, Kuroda left the company and came to work at Nippon Animation, where he came to become a particularly favored member of staff during the production of A Dog of Flanders. Some notable credits of his include Wolf Boy Ken, Pygmalio, Gegege no Kitarō (1968), Kumo no Gakkō, Heidi, Girl of The Alps, Tiger Mask, Monarch: The Big Bear of Tallac, Peter Pan & Wendy, Perrine’s Story, Moero! Top Striker, Sinbad the Sailor, Swiss Family Robinson, Bannertail: The Story of Gray Squirrel, and Fables of the Green Forest.

Daily Trivia

Miyazaki modeled the central ‘boy meets girl’ relationship of Future Boy Conan after Marco and Fiolina’s personalities and interactions, which in turn carried into his future works.

Screenshot of the day

• Sunset

Question of the Day:
1) Marco ends up staying after being unable to procure passage on the immigration ship. What do you think is next for Marco in his attempt to reach Argentina?
Goodbye! Goodbye, Fiolna!

~Player always get better or cooler reward for helping other~
Player race - fiver options for customization
Ghoul
No radiation damage + slow regeneration + npc more mefiant and discrimination
Glowing ghoul =
No radiation damage + slow regeneration + npc shoot on sight need to convinced them you’re sane
Super mutant =
No radiation damage + Npc are scared and treat you like an idiot and discriminate
Synthétique =
The compount will hunt you down eventually
Human = no malus or bonus

Character background :
Ghoul / glowing ghoul : Old ghoul ; new ghoul ; vault
Human : Vault ; settler ; brotherhood ; institute
Super mutant: amnesiac
Synthétique : Railroad ; Mister handy (Miss nanny) Old, new, vault.
START
New arrivant decided to etablished themselves in an old farm close to the local town and become farmer.
First objectif :
- rebuilt home by scavenging in delapited town

• scavenging town to find seed (First seed of the player)
  
• Scavenging town to find gardening tool
  

Mechanics

Upgrade house by collecting enough scavenging material (metal, stone, tape, glue, etc…) and paid the town entrepreneur to do so.
Possibility to upgrade town by the same way : drinkable water ; defense ; radio tower ; museum ; school ; etc…
Defend home from wild attack (animal, raiders, super mutant, ect…) with gun and eventually autonomous turrets (later game) and engage mercenary to defed (late game). The more the player amass money, the more frequent the attack will be.
Scavenger will gossip about big event and some minor event that occurred in the settlement that you participated in.
Settlement gestion :

• Happiness (Festival ? ; npc request ; …)
  
• Sanitaire (Water access)
  
• Defense (Millitia ; autonomous turrets ; dogs)
  

Thirst gestion.
Can recolt skin, meat (and bones?) of wild animal.
Can recolt material, used to very used weapond, (rarely) health item, (meat and corpse body parts?) on intelligent humanoïds ennemy
Carrying can either be by weight of the item or by the number of item player can carry.

Farming

Season : Spring (middle season) ; Summer (high season) ; Automn (middle season) ; Winter (low season)
Tool: Hoe ; Scynthe ; Watering can ; Pickaxe hamme
Base crop value vs transform product :
Spring : -- ++
Summer : --- +++
Automn : ++ --
Winter : +++ ---

Can sell crop and other to nearest settlement (help with settlement relationship at first) or to traveling marchant.
The river close to your home have fish in it. It take two day for fish to repopulate. If seasonal fish have all be take out, it will take two years
Can raise different mutated animal. Sell them to the town for meat (or kill them and sell them yourself ?) or keep them alive for animal product. (Animal have life span?)
Transform product : Wine ; beer ; jelly ; dried spice,meat, fish ; cheese ; mayo ; butter
Farm building :

• Coop and barn
  
• Forge to fix used weapon
  

- Wind mill

• Food storage (?)
  
• Money storage (no bank, credit card or debit card. Need to carry in your inventary the money life in fallout)
  

Crop seed that can be found in the town :

• Potato
  
• Melon
  
• Wheat
  
• Corn
  
• Carrot
  
• Gourd
  

Seed you can buy for traveling marchants :

• Spice seed (basilic ; persil; etc..)
  
• Fruit seed
  
• Legume seed
  

( - Flower and house plant seed ? (Aloes??))

Fight

No power armor for the player :(
Can buy stimpack and radaway from settlement healer or from scavenger in the town (for a more expensive price). When reach high enough relationship with healer, he will give you the recipe for both. The only way to regain life and get rid of radiation (sleep and food don’t heal). (Sickness (malus) if health too low for too long?)
Gain radiation by drinking
The main fight zone of the game is the town. In the edge : house, a small commerce (tiny to small dungeon) ; Closer to the center: Office, appartement (small to medium dungeon) ; Center : Commercial center, sky scrapper, (subway?) (normal to big dungeon.
Some raiders and some synth will drop their weapons and beg for their life if the health is low enough. Spare enough of them and you will receive letter from either : the minuteman ; the brotherhood or the railroad to thank you for sending more recruit their way. Two or three will regularly visit town.

Relationship

Can get a dog as a perm. Companion (can choose race?) (Can breed you dog and gitf puppy to the settlement?)
Npc relationship possible bonus :
- Discount (from marchant)
- Recipe
- Special cut scene
- (Sometime) help on the farm

• (Sometime) help to defend the farm

Some npc love receving gift other will be inconfortable with it. But after (wedding?) no adverse reaction to receive gift.

• 2 gift a week
  
• 1 gift a month (After the first gift wil react more and more incomfortable, will start to lower relationship)
  

MAX : 2 gift a week
Might meet some settler in the edge of the town, scavenging like you.
Cause of relationship decay :

• Unlike gift
  
• (for some) offer to many gift
  
• 1 month with no interraction
  
• Answer choice
  
• Attacking townie (unkillable)
  
• Question choice
  

There’s a vault “near” the settlement. Gain their trust by doing quest (# depend on race of the player). Once they trust you and when you become mayor, they will become full allied and allow circulation between their vault and the settlement.
Romanceable npc
- # Ghoul

• Robot (Synth and miste handy (miss nanny)

• Super mutant

• Settler

- 1 Traveling npc
Special romance
- Mysterious stranger (need 10 Luck and insert condition)
Will randomly pop out of your house and pop back in. Will tell you about a lone wanderer, courrier or vault survivor he helped. Will come to your help in combat with baby in hand (if kid in the game)

• intelligent deathclaw (insert conditions)

Rival ? Date ?
If there’s kid in the game
Player will be able to have two kids. (Hatchling deathclaw will count as one if in a relationship with Deathclaw).
If player or spouse can’t have a kid (Super mutant ; ghoul ; Synth); player will get a quest about a raider camp in town. Discover all prisoner are dead except one human baby hidden by the body of his dead mother.
Quest reward : Congradulation you are a parent :D
If player can have kid; if spouse is a women, player will have to catter to their wife food craving (nothing with rare item) or face a penality in the relationship. If player is a women ; Malus in health, energy, slower deplacement and carrying capacity decrease the more and more the pregnancy advance. New choice of answer : pissed as fuck and hormonal. Spouse will insist to become a companion until end of pregnancy
Kid will go to school (town upgrade) for three day, help on the farm for three other and have a free day.

Stats

Strenght : carrying capacity (?) ; combat ; energy ; health ; defense
Perception : detect ennemy ; scavenging ; npc interraction
Endurence : health ; energy ; resistance
Charisma : batter ; persuasion ; Npc weariness ; # limit of resident npc in settlement
Intelligence : crafting farm upgrade (fertilizer ; spinkler) ; used weapon fixing
Agility : sneak ; weapon ; defense
Luck : loot quality ; gambling (?) ; crit chance (max starting points : 5)

Skill

Tree skill style possibility : Path of exile ; Outer world
Farming: Tilling - Watering
Fight: Heavy weapons- Light weapons- Melee
Defence : Dodge - Block
Stealth: Sneak- Lockpick - Hack
Endurance : Poison resistance - Radiation resistance - Thirst resistance
Persuasion: Batter - Intimidation - Persuation (?)
Scavenging : Deconstruct - Descerning eyes
Thinkering : Crafting - Engineering - Medecine
(Upgrade skill to upgrade stat? Once you upgrade a skill enough, it allow you to upgrade the stat?)

Quest :
Attempt murder on the player by the mayor once town upgrade and settler relationship high enough. Scare that they would lose their place to you to engage mercenary or try to poison you to keep their place. Force the mercenary to tell you who paid them or find a note on one of them or talk to the mayor after the attack (will be surprise to see you alive). You can :
- Bring him to justice and let the settler decide of his fate. (Will be possible to talk to him in prison)
- Execute him (will have to prove to the settler that this was auto-defense. Lose some relationship with settler)

• Let him life (will leave town. Grateful to be alive but bitter to have lose his title)

Result : Become mayor next election!
Raides have created a camp close to the settlement. Remove them. Player will find two npc in cage. You can :

• Let them there

-Help them out
-Kill them inside the cage
Result :

• They die
  
• Will eventually die of thirsth
  
• Will come to the town and become settlers
  

You’ve find a mister handy (or miss nanny) in the town. Why not fix them?
Result : They will propose you to help you on the farm. Accept and they’ll start working the day after. Refuse and they’ll becom settler. (Possibility to make them synth when relationship high enough?)

Find a sorry scene : deadraiders; a dead deathclaw; a nest with two crushed egg a one intact egg. You can :

• Sell the egg
  
• Eat the egg
  

-Hatch the egg
Result :

• Money
  
• Bost in one stat? Level upgrade?
  
• Get a baby deathclaw. Will be able to switch with you dog as perm companion. (If romanced the deathclaw, you spouse will leave with the hachtling for a season. When back the hatchling statut will change from animal to children and gain dialogue)
  

The river close to your house is drying. Discover the reason. The river goes into a cavern and to a lake.
Result : new fish
There’s a thirsthy and hungry homeless man at the edge of the settlement. You can :
-Give him food and water for a week
-Let him there
-kill him
Result :
-They get back on their feet and eventually open an inn in town. Will sometime offer you free drink an talk to you about stranger he hepled by following your exemple.
-They will slowly die an talk with more and more difficulty. (Which led to kill him)
-Burry him and make a small tomb or let him root there. Will get eaten by wild animal.

Guiding an injured npc to the town
Result :??

The settlement don’t have enough food for the winter and ask for your help. You can :

• Refuse
  
• Accept
  

Result :

• -- relationship with settler and some settler will die
  
• ++ reward if accept
  

Help to defend the settlement (before settlement defense upgrande)
Result :??

The scientist of the vault ## think they can help you rediscover old world crop see.
Result : new seeds :D

End game quest :
The vault now trust you enough to tell you about the G.E.C.K.S. The received one that ended up defective and never received the second. They want you to go to the vault building in the center of the town and see if you can find any information about it. Vault tower will be the most difficult dungeon in the game. Beat it to find that the G.E.C.K.S was sent to a second vault that was either unfinished or an experimentation. Go the the vault ## to discover that the G.E.C.K.S had taken some damage from bad condition and bad storage. Get all the item to fix it and either fix it yourself (no money cost) or ask to a vault scientist to fix it (+++ money cost)
Result : The map surrounding your house, the vault and the town will become more and more green with beautiful tree (Process will take ### day or month or years)

I recently got diagnosed with bipolar and one of the questions I couldn't answer was "did you ever experience a psychotic episode?" I tried telling him the episodes below, but I was panicking and forgot most of them and very vaguely described them, and he told me that's not psychosis.
I went through two distinct phases separated by several years (2018 and I believe 2021, I can't remember). First one was gruesome. I didn't recognize myself in the mirror, hated the way I looked, didn't feel like I was myself, or anyone, just something disgusting. I became obsessed with blood, painted with blood, engaged in self harm, purposefully withdrew blood and wore it in a little bottle on my neck. I had intense intrusive thoughts about dying or being hurt, particularly when I would close my eyes, when I would have visions of various torture being inflicted on me, like someone smashing my hand with something heavy and breaking all the bones, or sticking a knife right through the middle of my hand, during which I would actually briefly feel the pain in what I can only describe as shocks that would last a second or two. The pain felt real for that second or two. I hated that I had a body and wanted to sink my nails in my face and scratch the skin off so I could ascend and be free. I refused to look in the mirror during that period.
Second one was after I entered a relationship. Out of nowhere, I started being obsessed with my boyfriend drinking coke. I started strongly believing that coke will make all his teeth fall out then he would die. I also became obsessed with saving money, because having money saved meant we won't die in an emergency and I was convinced an emergency could happen at any time. It quickly slipped into the most intense paranoia I've ever felt in my life. I became so obsessed with these things that I would spy on his laptop when I was supposed to be working (wfh) for hours on end, trying to find out if he was spending money on ordering food or taking taxis, or going places he wasn't supposed to go. I'd stay up at night for hours waiting for him to fall asleep so I could look through his phone. It was horrible, I know what I did was inexcusable, I'm perfectly aware, but I wasn't aware back then. It was an all consuming paranoia.
I don't know if these count as psychosis? Is there psychosis without hallucinations? Because I don't think I ever hallucinated, except one isolated instance when I saw myself and everything happening around me from above in 3rd person.

Do I stay or cut my losses?
TL/DR - BF still talks to Ex Gf - BF still smokes w$&d - I want a baby and family which he said he wants to but he’s done nothing on his behalf to try and workout why we aren’t pregnant, 2 years later - I’ve had the blood work and psmr done and got the all clear from my dr and gynaecologist - Lies, Fights and lack of validation
I 34F have been with my bf 35M)for 5 years. Things were great until 3 years ago when I made it very clear that I wanted atleast 1 child by 35. He agreed and we both made promises to get better financially (savings and get rid of debts), work on ourselves - fitness and mental health, slow down and eventually stop partying and going to raves (within the year), and overall take steps towards building a family. He smokes weed daily and this was the biggest promise he made- to stop smoking w$&d. 2 years ago I had my IUD removed so we could get the ball rolling for trying for a baby. I had my blood tests done and p-sMear to make sure everything was in order and I got the all clear. After a year of trying, nothing has happened. He hasn’t stopped w$&d, but he tells me weekly that he will- at this time, it was because he was struggling mentally, which I said I understood and he should seek counselling, which he said he would. I also suggested he get a sprm count so we can try and eliminate all possibilities of why we’re not pregnant yet. He says every other month that he will quit w$&d and get the sprmcount done and hasn’t.
We are now 2 years into trying and still nothing has happened- the w$&d continues and he still hasn’t seen a counsellor or had a sprm count done and every time I bring it up, he says he now needs the w$&d for his epilepsy ( which he was diagnosed with a year ago). I reminded him that he really shouldn’t be on any dr!?gs at all, as per his Drs and his neurological professor as he has mental illness issues as well.
This has caused a huge friction in our relationship and many, many arguments have been had, because I’m feeling so resentful and angry that, every other week he promises to stop the w$&d and get a sprm count done and see a counsellor and he hasn’t.
On top of this, I asked him 3 years ago to stop speaking to his ex because she keeps asking him about their past and “do you ever think of what it would be like if we were still together?” And I told him this was disrespectful to me and our relationship. I just found out 4 weeks ago that he still talks to her, even though he never initiates the conversation, he doesn’t ignore it either and responds every time. ( I needed to find his bosses number after he went to a rave, had dr@gs and ended up having 3 full body seizures which he’s never had before, and ended up in hospital, and I saw the messages of him chatting to her the night before.) He swears up and down that THAT was an eye opener and he’s truly sorry and he’s blocked and deleted her and he wants to focus on me and our future. ( he’s also said this multiple times over 3 years and I found out time and time again it was a lie.)
Also come to find out, he got a number from a girl at the petrol station and she’s been venting to him about her relationship and he about ours. ( another conversation that isn’t anything sexual or otherwise, but the thought of him venting about our relationship to a complete stranger who felt comfortable to give her number and he didn’t tell me at all until a week later made me really upset as it all coincided with him still talking to his ex).
He has no idea why I’m so upset about this; the w$&d, the sprm count, the lack of sex in general, random girls number, his ex and when I express how much he’s hurting me, he takes the “ well find better. You deserve better than me” route and just hides away from me in the house ( we live together ).
We can never have a discussion about anything at all without him turning it into how he’s the victim and feeling attacked, and all I’m bringing forward is how he’s hurting me, complete with examples and screenshots and why it’s not ok. He’s in turn told me the following; “You’ve got mental health problems because you’re not right in the head and you’re abusive and your behaviour is abusive” “ get meds because you clearly need it! You can’t keep blaming everything on me! You’re a problem too!”
I stopped partying 3 years ago. I started going to the gym again to get fit and healthy I’m watching what I eat and being more mindful of my surroundings so I’m in a good place mentally I feel so defeated, 3 years on, that I’m resentful, I’m mad, I’m hurt, I’m on antidepressants and I’m seeing a psychologist and he still hasn’t done anything he promised he would.
It’s gotten to the point where my family hates our relationship, my best friend thinks he’s a joke and is wasting my time and taking me for granted and none of my friends want to be around me because of how he treats me ( “he’s very aggressive the way he speaks to you. Always making out like you’re dragging him around or nagging him or always on his case … he doesn’t have to come if he doesn’t want to…. It’s hard to hang out with you and watch him treat you the way he does”.)
Worst of all, he interfered with my work ( disconnected the internet and berated me and my work colleague heard it all) and my work has now listed me as “in a domestic abse” situation and I’ve been interviewed by HR. At the same time he started a new job and while he’s bragging about how wonderful his job is, he’s completely ignorant to how he’s ruined mine and my reputation.
I guess the answers are all in front of me on what to do: Do I bother trying to believe that maybe one day his “magical promises” might come true or cut my losses while I still can.
I still love him, and I still want the family we both dreamed of! It feels like I’m the only one invested and I pushing someone to change when his actions proved he was never going to.
Am I overthinking this? Am I hoping on a dream that will never happen? Am I fooling myself? Do I need to change?

Do I stay or cut my losses?
TL/DR - BF still talks to Ex Gf - BF still smokes w$&d - I want a baby and family which he said he wants to but he’s done nothing on his behalf to try and workout why we aren’t pregnant, 2 years later - I’ve had the blood work and psmr done and got the all clear from my dr and gynaecologist - Lies, Fights and lack of validation
I 34F have been with my bf 35M)for 5 years. Things were great until 3 years ago when I made it very clear that I wanted atleast 1 child by 35. He agreed and we both made promises to get better financially (savings and get rid of debts), work on ourselves - fitness and mental health, slow down and eventually stop partying and going to raves (within the year), and overall take steps towards building a family. He smokes weed daily and this was the biggest promise he made- to stop smoking w$&d. 2 years ago I had my IUD removed so we could get the ball rolling for trying for a baby. I had my blood tests done and p-sMear to make sure everything was in order and I got the all clear. After a year of trying, nothing has happened. He hasn’t stopped w$&d, but he tells me weekly that he will- at this time, it was because he was struggling mentally, which I said I understood and he should seek counselling, which he said he would. I also suggested he get a sprm count so we can try and eliminate all possibilities of why we’re not pregnant yet. He says every other month that he will quit w$&d and get the sprmcount done and hasn’t.
We are now 2 years into trying and still nothing has happened- the w$&d continues and he still hasn’t seen a counsellor or had a sprm count done and every time I bring it up, he says he now needs the w$&d for his epilepsy ( which he was diagnosed with a year ago). I reminded him that he really shouldn’t be on any dr!?gs at all, as per his Drs and his neurological professor as he has mental illness issues as well.
This has caused a huge friction in our relationship and many, many arguments have been had, because I’m feeling so resentful and angry that, every other week he promises to stop the w$&d and get a sprm count done and see a counsellor and he hasn’t.
On top of this, I asked him 3 years ago to stop speaking to his ex because she keeps asking him about their past and “do you ever think of what it would be like if we were still together?” And I told him this was disrespectful to me and our relationship. I just found out 4 weeks ago that he still talks to her, even though he never initiates the conversation, he doesn’t ignore it either and responds every time. ( I needed to find his bosses number after he went to a rave, had dr@gs and ended up having 3 full body seizures which he’s never had before, and ended up in hospital, and I saw the messages of him chatting to her the night before.) He swears up and down that THAT was an eye opener and he’s truly sorry and he’s blocked and deleted her and he wants to focus on me and our future. ( he’s also said this multiple times over 3 years and I found out time and time again it was a lie.)
Also come to find out, he got a number from a girl at the petrol station and she’s been venting to him about her relationship and he about ours. ( another conversation that isn’t anything sexual or otherwise, but the thought of him venting about our relationship to a complete stranger who felt comfortable to give her number and he didn’t tell me at all until a week later made me really upset as it all coincided with him still talking to his ex).
He has no idea why I’m so upset about this; the w$&d, the sprm count, the lack of sex in general, random girls number, his ex and when I express how much he’s hurting me, he takes the “ well find better. You deserve better than me” route and just hides away from me in the house ( we live together ).
We can never have a discussion about anything at all without him turning it into how he’s the victim and feeling attacked, and all I’m bringing forward is how he’s hurting me, complete with examples and screenshots and why it’s not ok. He’s in turn told me the following; “You’ve got mental health problems because you’re not right in the head and you’re abusive and your behaviour is abusive” “ get meds because you clearly need it! You can’t keep blaming everything on me! You’re a problem too!”
I stopped partying 3 years ago. I started going to the gym again to get fit and healthy I’m watching what I eat and being more mindful of my surroundings so I’m in a good place mentally I feel so defeated, 3 years on, that I’m resentful, I’m mad, I’m hurt, I’m on antidepressants and I’m seeing a psychologist and he still hasn’t done anything he promised he would.
It’s gotten to the point where my family hates our relationship, my best friend thinks he’s a joke and is wasting my time and taking me for granted and none of my friends want to be around me because of how he treats me ( “he’s very aggressive the way he speaks to you. Always making out like you’re dragging him around or nagging him or always on his case … he doesn’t have to come if he doesn’t want to…. It’s hard to hang out with you and watch him treat you the way he does”.)
Worst of all, he interfered with my work ( disconnected the internet and berated me and my work colleague heard it all) and my work has now listed me as “in a domestic abse” situation and I’ve been interviewed by HR. At the same time he started a new job and while he’s bragging about how wonderful his job is, he’s completely ignorant to how he’s ruined mine and my reputation.
I guess the answers are all in front of me on what to do: Do I bother trying to believe that maybe one day his “magical promises” might come true or cut my losses while I still can.
I still love him, and I still want the family we both dreamed of! It feels like I’m the only one invested and I pushing someone to change when his actions proved he was never going to.
Am I overthinking this? Am I hoping on a dream that will never happen? Am I fooling myself? Do I need to change?

As the title says. I have no more tears to cry and looking for apartments to move out. I (33F) have been living with my boyfriend (47M) since March, almost 3 years together in total. He has had a lot of criticism towards me before moving in together, but now it's much worse - he's getting stricter with me by the day.
The last fight was today, on the grounds that I have been doing a ragu Bolognese all day since the morning (a good Bolognese takes 2-3 hours to make from scratch) but I accidentally gave myself too much pasta and he didn't get enough. It really was an accident, I did not eyeball the amount correctly. I offered to give him some of mine but he declined, saying that he won't eat mine (I like mine al dente while he likes his overcooked) and then offered to make some more for him, but he declined that too. He was visibly angry so I lost it and started crying saying that nothing I ever do is good enough for him.
Because it isn't. Our fights are always about the same, he loves to tell me to concentrate everytime I make a little mistake. A spatula slips and falls from my hand, he scolds me and tells me to concentrate. I bump the vacuum into a chair, he scolds me telling me to concentrate. Every day I get told that I need to concentrate and it's driving me crazy.
He hates 90% of my wardrobe. A dress is either too tight, (he says he hates "Kardashian style" dresses on me), or too short, or the wrong color (he hates me in white, pink or black), or the wrong pattern (he hates florals), he hates wide pants, he hates heels. He recently bought me a dress to his liking, but then I wasn't allowed to wear it to work the next day, because he decided it will only be for Sundays. A few weeks ago I tried putting on an outfit I love on a date night (a lace top with a knee-long tight leather skirt) despite his objections. He was upset with me for 2 hours after leaving the house.
Once I put on a beautiful pair of white leather boots, that 70's throwback style that is all the rage now. He told me I look like a slut. I never wore them again.
We split housework equally, and I do 100% of the cooking because I like it, and he isn't much of a cook. He likes to either say that I don't do anything around the house, which sometimes escalates my frustration to the point that I want to rip my hair out, because I KNOW that I just cleaned the whole house because he had migraine. He says my cooking doesn't count because I like doing it anyway. If he sees me cleaning, he will point out mistakes that I'm making. Using the wrong cloth, using the wrong product, stuff like that.
He likes to argue that my parents did a shitty job at raising me so I can't do anything right. He says that even an idiot would manage better than me. Last week I told him that I'm looking for shared housing to move out, and his response was that they will kick me out after 2 months. If I threaten to break up with me, he says that no other man will want me. He might be right because before him, I kept getting rejected and ghosted for 10 years.
Today morning he was telling me about his last night's night out with his buddies. One of his friends complained about having to go to his gf's friend's baby shower, which was on the same day. My boyfriend took his side complaining because the women were "losers", working "shitty jobs at ZARA" and one even "cleans hotel rooms". I got angry about this attitude saying that there's nothing wrong with those jobs. I said that his friend is a hypocrite for staying at hotels and then shitting on staff doing their best to make the stay pleasant for him. My boyfriend's response was about 30 mins of gaslighting me about being too sensitive and taking things too seriously and "not taking a joke" and then he was angry for 2 more hours.
I have lived alone all my life since I was 21, and I always managed quite alright, or so I thought. This takes me to why I'm posting this here - nothing helps, my crying, my screaming, my threats that I'll move out, breaking up with him, nothing. He insists that he's right in his criticism. When I ask him how are we going to proceed from here to make the relationship work, he insists that I need to change.
I get that you guys don't live with us so you have no idea, but I'm going crazy here. Am I too sensitive? Can't I really do anything right? Am I overreacting?

Here is a brief timeline of the breaup. Me (M23) and my ex(F23) had been dating for 3 years. She broke up with me in February, a few days before the Valentines( which was also supposed to be our 3rd anniversary, we had started dating a few month before that but we counted valentines as the anniversary)
The breakup was a bit surprising, because we had planned a trip to Germany for April and bought the tickets about 2 weeks prior to breakup, but no that I think about it it was not that surprising.
In any case a month before the breakup both of us had very rough schedule, hardly seeing each other and that pretty much effected pur communication. That was the main reason of breaking up.
Though it hurt a lot the breakup was civil, we did not talk much, she just told me she wanted to break up and that was pretty much it. Talked for a few minutes and I left, speechless in a way, not realizing what was going on.
A few days later I drunk texted her(i know, awful idea, but was not intentional). I was not sober, but not that drunk either, it was a day after the breakup and felt pretty emotional. There were a lot of thing that I wanted to say just coming in my head and I decided I'd just write those things and delete it, but accidentally sent it to her. We had a bit of a conversation over text and that was it for the day.
After a month of breakup she texted me and asked me to meet up and we did, we talked a bit and basically she told me that she though she left me on a "waiting state" and she wanted to spend some time alone to understand what she wanted. I was okay with that, and by that time I had decided to move on, though I still lived her. Anyways, we talked and talked and she asked me if it was okay to hug me, from that things built up, we spent hourse just walking, talking, and being physical and well, we spent the night together. The morning was full of tears and talks and that was it.
We had a few random encounters after that and every time I met her, even if it was for a second, I felt like I was falling for her iver and over again( and that felt wonderful every single time)
Fast forward to a week ago, I met her and asked her for the flaws/problems we had and I had just to make sure I took a look at those things. And we talked a bit of whys and all. The communication breakdown was a key factor(again).
Now here I am, feeling weird. I'm not sad, I'm not feeling lost. I'm just feeling weird. And I have this strange though running through my had for the last couple of days. I want to ask her out on a "second first date", not to get back to the relationship we had(it failed so no point in that), but to see if there are still things that made us fall for each other when we first started. Not sure if I will do that, but that rhough has been living in my head rent free. Even if I do, not sure what kind of response I will get, and to be honest, it does not matter if I get yes, no or just completely get ignored, I feel like any sort of response would make me happy.
So people of reddit, what do you think?

Hi I'm(20f) in a long-distance relationship (22m) and we knew each other for about a year. At the beginning of the relationship everything was great, we loved each other, but after 5 months we started having arguments which led to me losing feelings to him gradually. He always says he loves me and he want me to be with him , but sometimes I feel like we have a potential together, and others I can't image a future with him. I'm thinking about breaking up with him but yet I can't. I don't know why I want him but I don't want to continue to be in a relationship with him. I'm so confused. I count on you to help me .

I heard of a dating app for CF people on here but I dont know if there is a link or anything but conventional dating apps are just absolutely horrifying for CF people much less in my country where a guy like me single 38M & CF its next to impossible, I feel like i am the 0.00000000002% of the population. Trying dating apps its all women who have multiple kids from run away fathers and they are looking for a step parent. I am not disrespectful but that scenario is not for me and I feel its unfair to dump parental responsibility on someone who is CF much less on a dating app. Mind you my profile has child free in capital letters as the first two words in the bio and I lost count of how many times I went on dates with people who bait and switch up on me and revealing that they are actually single parents who the father of their kids are jerks and Aholes but their "kids are the cutest blessings and mean the world to them". I am not ever going to be a step father for anyone's "little angels" not in this life or the next. I want a loving lasting relationship with someone, me plus them not some third wheel in between. is it really soo much to ask.

Hello,
I need some advice bc I think I'm trapped in these situations and I can't escape. I work 8 hours per day.. I’m trying to go to the gym 3 times per week (most of the time I can achieve this) , I try to cook healthy meals for me and my partner.. and yeah to maintain a good relationship with him and with my friends and family(which I don't see very often due to lack of time). I’m going to the office only one day per week. My partner is helping me with things around the house.. I keep feeling I’m not having enough time. I’m trying to learn some new things and do some projects bc I want to change my job, I want to have more time to do my hobbies (reading, embroidery etc) but I simply feel I don’t have enough time for that. I find myself constantly scrolling on social media and I think this is one of the most important aspects that makes me feel very busy.. and I also feel tired most of the time.. for eg evrytime I compete a task I need a little break .. and I lay down in my bed and I scroll on social media. I don’t know if this is a mental tiredness (since my voice in my head is very active and always full of ideas and scenarios and thoughts ) or physical tiredness ( that may come from my medical conditions - hormonal imbalances and Hashimoto) .
I tried to make lists, wake up earlier in the morning, but I don't really manage to finish things. sometimes I manage for a few days but then I start over. also i tried to set a timer on my apps.. but i always spend more time on them than i should.
This year I managed to go to the gym.. I wanted to for a very long time and slowly I managed to make a habit out of it.
I also try to be kinder to myself .. and not to push myself too hard, because in the past I couldn't do anything because of perfectionism.
what do you think I could do to stop feeling like I don't have time? how could I get rid of wasted time on social media? Thank you in advance.

Below you will find a weekly reminder of our Rules and partial FAQ. It's definitely a long read, but it's worth your time, especially if you are new to the community, or dropping by as a result of a link you found elsewhere. We periodically revise our rules, this weekly notice will help keep you informed of any changes made.
NOTE: These rules are guidelines. Some moderation discretion is to be expected.

Community Rules

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Advise, don't criticize.

• Post with empathy, thoughtfulness, and constructive commentary rather than judgment. Don't be an asshole.
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• Bickering, nitpicking, and thread derailment will not be tolerated and will be subject to removal at moderator discretion.
• Do not repeatedly badger a poster demanding answers, or refuse to acknowledge an answer that's already been given.
• Do not use sensitive issues from past posts (either from this sub or other subs) to attack another user, as we are all discussing vulnerable topics.
• Crossposting anything from /stepparents to any other subreddit might result in a ban and may result in the original thread being locked. Brigading our sub will result in an immediate ban.

3. Report, Don’t Rant

No backseat modding.

• If you see someone breaking the rules, report the post or comment to the mods rather than engaging them in an argument. Failure to do so may be subject to comment removal at moderator discretion.
• No meta posts complaining about rude comments, DMs, or general sub issues.
• If you think someone is a troll or previously banned user, either use the report function or message the mods to direct their attention to the issue.

4. No Naming & Shaming

No userpings or links.

• Tagging/pinging users or other subreddits in an attempt to bully, harass, or complain will not be tolerated. Do not tag other subs, ever.
• If you want to complain about another subreddit being hostile to stepparents, do not name the subreddit. "Other parenting/advice/judgement subs" will suffice.

5. No Platitudes

Nobody knew what they were getting into.

• Comments like "You knew what you were getting into", "Love them, love their kids!", "They're a package deal!" and "You have to love them like your own!" will be removed.
• Comments suggesting that OP is not cut out for stepparenting will be removed at moderator discretion.
• Comments like "This is just a part of parenting, deal with it!" will be removed at moderator discretion.

6. No Trolling

We have zero tolerance for trolls.

• This is a support sub. Our subscribers do not have the time, nor inclination, to provide support to internet trolls. Posts that are suspected to be trolling attempts will be immediately removed, and the poster banned.
• Concern trolling, devil's advocating, gish-galloping, sealioning, and general asshattery are subject to immediate removal and banning without warning or notice.
• Any attempt to circumvent the ban by creating a new username will be reported to reddit admins and possibly result in account suspension.

7. No Personally Identifiable Information

Use discretion when posting.

• We highly recommend using a separate account for support subs to help prevent being doxxed. Do not post any information that may allow others to figure out your identity.
• Do not post photos of children, or any other photo that could be used to identify you or another user on the sub.
• Any image that contains a name or other identifying information should have the name or identifying information blurred out. This includes drawings, notes, and screenshots.
• Do not link to social media or any articles/blogs where you or another user on the sub is mentioned by name.

8. No More than 2 Posts per 24 hours

Use the daily threads.

• We are not a huge sub, but we are no longer a small sub. If you have multiple grievances to air, use the daily discussion threads instead of multiple posts.

9. Follow Reddiquette

Remember the human.

• Adhere to the same standards of behavior online that you follow in real life.
• Read it in full here.
• Downvoting is reserved for comments that don’t contribute, and shouldn't be used to indicate disagreement.
• If you believe someone is in violation of the subreddit rules, please either use the report function or message the mods to direct their attention to the issue.
• Suspected brigading will be reported to reddit admins.

10. No Porn, Spam, Blogs, or Research Studies/Surveys Without Mod Approval

Just don't.

• This is a SFW subreddit. Posting pornography will result in immediate post removal and permanent ban.
• Advertising on the subreddit (outside of Reddit's own advertising) is not allowed.
• No personal blog posts are allowed without express moderator permission.
• No advertising without prior mod approval.
• No asking for money/posting fundraisers/etc.
• For links to parenting research studies or surveys, please message the mods for permission before posting.

11. Disputes in Modmail Only

Don't argue with the mods on the sub.

• Any issues specifically related to how a mod is moderating should be addressed to the full moderating team via mod mail. This ensures that all mods are aware of any concerns and prevents disintegration of the topic thread at hand.
• This means to do not message or send chat requests to individual mods. All discussion and complaints about mod actions need to be done in mod mail ONLY. Failure to follow this rule can result in an immediate permanent ban.
• Comments in threads asking about mod decisions are subject to removal without notice.

12. Moderator Actions

We aren't kidding.

• Users are expected to know the rules before posting. If you are warned or banned for violating the rules, ignorance is not an excuse.
• Moderators will remove posts and comments and/or lock threads in accordance with the rules above. Typically this happens when threads have gone off-topic in a way that is not productive for the OP, or comments overall have become contentious or disrespectful.
• If a poster continues to argue or to willfully violate these rules, temporary and permanent ban procedures will be followed. Any attempts to avoid or bypass temporary bans will result in a permanent ban. User bans will not be discussed in the sub. Questions posted about user bans are subject to removal and the poster subject to warning/ban procedures. The mod team will not discuss a specific user ban with anyone other than the user involved.
• New accounts are subject to manual approval until they are no longer deemed "new" by the mod team. This helps to weed out trolls and ban evaders.
• We rely on Automoderator to scan for specific words and phrases that are not welcome here and notify the mod team to review the comment or post. This includes slurs of any type and platitudes such as "Love them as your own!"
• The mod team uses a combination of blacklisting and banning when dealing with trolls.
• We employ the use of a bot that automatically bans anyone who comments in subs that have historically harassed our users. If you are picked up by the bot for telling trolls to get fucked, reach out via mod mail and we'll get you sorted out.
• The rules above as well as ban procedures are considered guidelines only; some deviation may be necessary on a case by case basis and/or at the mod team's discretion.

13. Ban Procedure

These actions are at moderator discretion.

• Pornography will result in an automatic permanent ban.
• Extremely egregious content will result in an immediate permanent ban.
• You may receive a 7 or 30 day temporary ban for first and second rule violations, depending upon severity.
• Continued rule violations will result in a permanent ban.
• Willful attempts to avoid or bypass temporary bans will result in a permanent ban.
• We recognize the reddit site-wide rules of using alt names to get around bans and will ban those as well as report them to reddit admins.

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FAQ - About the Rules

What does Kindness Matters mean?

• Shortest version? Don't be an asshole. People come here for support and advice, they do not come here to be yelled at or told they are the reason everything is going sideways. There are ways to point out that someone may want to do some reflection on their own actions and reactions without being an asshole about it.
• The purpose of this subreddit is to provide support and a sense of belonging for struggling stepparents. We aren't here to pass judgement, but rather to offer support, empathy, and constructive commentary. That does not include "hard truths" or "tough love." Stepparents get enough of that in every other subreddit, we're not passing it out here. Be respectful.
• Remember, most people aren't going to come to a sub like this when everything is going great and everyone is getting along. People are coming here when they are down, when they are feeling defeated and stretched to the limit. Kicking someone when they are down is shitty behavior and we don't tolerate it.

What about being kind to the kids?

• "Won't somebody think of the children?" Pearl clutching isn't needed here. If you read the Kindness Matters rule closely, you will see that there is a clause in there about name calling children. We don't allow it. We also don't allow people rolling in telling OP that they feel sorry for their stepkids because OP is feeling overwhelmed and overloaded.
• If anyone is advocating slapping, spanking, or any other form of violence, report the comment immediately. We do not advocate violence towards children of any sort. The mod team does not advocate any sort of physical punishment at any time.
• Venting about behaviors is not the same as insulting the kids. However, if you see a post or comment where kids are being name called or dragged to the point of no return, use the report button. We try to catch the posts and remove them before they hit the sub, but we cannot see every comment without your help. Use the report button to bring problematic comments to our attention. Don't engage in a war of words on our subreddit.

Why is this sub such an echo chamber?

• Not allowing contributors to pile on and tell OP that they are a terrible human being who should never be around children does not equate to being an echo chamber. Many contributors here will offer OP suggestions to help them work through their resentments and frustrations, and the most egregious situations are called out. We simply ask that it be called out with respect.
• If you feel that a post is simply too much for you to handle without following the rules, move on to another post.
• If you believe that a post itself is crossing the rules report it. If the mod team has approved the post, it is because the mod team believes that the OP needs help from the community or needs a moment to vent and move on from their vent. That does not give you license to pile on disrespectfully. Unless it is proven that OP is a bot, assume that OP is a human being with real thoughts and feelings and has posted from a place of vulnerability.

Why can't I tell OP that they are an asshole?

• Because this isn't a judgement sub. We aren't AITA, we don't want to be AITA.
• Comments with terms like YTA, NTA, ESH, NAH will be removed.
• Don't start your posts with INFO either. We generally recognize that as a fishing attempt for more information to pass judgement on OP, and again, we are not a judgment sub.

But OP asked if they were an asshole?!

• Their post somehow got past our automoderator. Just use the report button. We will address it with OP.
• If you've asked if you are an asshole, a-hole, a*hole, a**hole, whatever, don't be surprised if your post is removed without warning. This isn't a judgment sub. If you want judgment, you know where to go.

What is a gendered slur?

• While it seems that everyone understands what racist slurs are, people struggle understanding the concept of gendered slurs. Generally speaking, we are talking about derogatory nouns or verbs that are used to negatively describe people or situations based on gendered terms.
• We've gone back and forth on this a few times, and the truth is, we get it, it's your safe space and you want to be able to vent about BM/BD how you want to vent about them, without us telling you how to vent about them. Fair enough. Vent away. What we are going to stick to here how people are referring to other users and to stepchildren.
• Examples that are not allowed:
  • "My SD is such a little bitch."
  • "She dresses/acts like a slut."
  • "My SS acts like a pussy."
  • "My SS is such a beta male."
  • "You are all fucking whores."
  • "Any dude who is raising some sluts kids is a cuck!"
  • "Little Lord Fauntleroy over here thinking he runs the house!"
  • "You're just the bangnanny, get used to it."
• Don't call users here names, don't call stepchildren names.
• Masking the term with asterisks or other neat little tricks might get you around the bot, but if we see it, we're removing it and quite possibly giving you a time out. The intended word is still there and you deliberately tried to skate the rule.
• As there is not enough space to list every term that is offensive and does not belong, nor every situation in which term or phrase may be allowable in context, this rule is enforced based on moderator discretion.

Seriously? You are the language police now?

• We're here to talk about stepparenting. And we would like for that to happen in a respectful way. Attacking each other doesn't help. Belittling stepchildren draws in trolls who don't understand your frustration, all they see is an evil stepmonster talking shit on the internet about a poor, innocent baby. Yes, even if that "poor, innocent baby" just robbed you blind and set fire to the house on their way out the door. That's just how it goes.
• We are aware that this is a relatively new rule and a lot of older posts and comments contain a lot of problematic language, including some from mods themselves. We are growing and evolving, and rules change as the sub grows and evolves.

What does No Drama really mean?

• Pretty much what it says, do not bring drama from other subs into this sub. Do not engage in vote brigades. Do not try to incite other subscribers to riot in a different sub. Don't follow posters into this sub from other subs to continue to harass them. Do not badger someone or derail threads. Do not harass community members because you don't agree with them. There's enough drama in the daily lives of subscribers, more isn't needed.

What is thread derailment?

• When a comment chain has devolved to the point where all you are doing is arguing back and forth with someone about the same thing over and over again, you have derailed the thread. Also known as bickering. It's what children do. We assume if people are in a stepparent role they are adults. We expect you to act like it.
• If you aren't a stepparent, or in a stepparenting role, consider that perhaps this subreddit isn't for you. If you want to participate, do so with respect. Thread derailment, arguing, bickering, and nitpicking are not allowed.

But what if they didn't answer my question?

• No one has to answer your questions. This is a support sub, not an inquisition. Jumping on a bandwagon with "OP is evading the question" in a 20 comment long chain is the epitome of thread derailment. You'll find more information about trolling below and how this might be considered such.

Why am I being silenced? I'm just asking for a back and forth!

• Thread derailment, badgering, and nitpicking are considered harassment. Continued harassment of either community members or mods will get you banned.

Why can't I look at someone's post history and comment about it?

• No mod in the history of this sub has ever once said post histories are forbidden. What we do frown upon is using someone's post history to attack, belittle, or otherwise harass someone.
• Example Post: "My stepkid's mom really hates me. How can I make this better?"
  • Okay: "Based on the timeline and your post history, it looks like this may have started as an affair. Unfortunately there's going to be outstanding issues for a long time due to that. Try focusing on yourself and how you can move forward without worrying about how someone else feels about you."
  • Not Okay: "Holy shit! You were the OW! What the hell do you expect, homewrecker?!"
• Example Post: "I am completely overloaded and feeling very down about myself."
  • Okay: "In your post history you mentioned that your spouse wasn't really helping around the house. Has that changed at all?"
  • Not Okay: "LOL, you already got the answers you need in your post on relationships. You are stupid for sticking with your lazy spouse."

Why can't we crosspost stuff to other subs?

• We can't stop you from doing so. The problem isn't that something has been crossposted, it's when the community that it's been crossposted to feels the need to come over here and harass OP. When we see that happening, we lock the post and start passing out bans. If you did the crossposting, you'll be banned. If you participated in the brigading, you'll be banned.

What if it's my own post?

• Again, we can't stop you from doing so. We prefer that you don't technically crosspost, but rather just copy and paste your post. Why? Because inevitably the above will happen. Redditors from other subs will follow you back to /stepparents and start attacking users here. It just happens.

What is "brigading"?

• Reddit defines vote manipulation and brigading as follows:
• Using multiple accounts, voting services, or any other software to increase or decrease vote scores.
• Asking people to vote up or down certain posts, either on Reddit itself or through social networks, messaging, etc. for personal gain.
• Forming or joining a group that votes together, either on a specific post, a user's posts, posts from a domain, etc.
• We, along with pretty much every other subreddit that has ever had to deal with this nonsense, further define brigading as this: You saw a post on another sub that linked to our sub either via a link in a comment or a crosspost. It was basically saying something along the lines of "OMG, check out these assholes over on /stepparents! They literally hate all their stepkids!" And then you and your friends come over and start hammering on OP and telling OP how much they suck. Congrats, you have just participated in a brigade.

What is this whole Report, Don't Rant thing about?

• If you see a post or comment that breaks the rules, instead of engaging, report it. When you report it, it sends notification to the mod team. We will act on it where appropriate. Engaging with bad faith users may result in your comments being removed. If you repeatedly do so, you may end up being banned.

What if I see an obvious troll?

• Report it.

What if they are being really mean in comments?

• Report it.

What if they are harassing me in private messages?

• Step 1: Report them to admins. You can report harassment to reddit by using this link or send a DM to reddit admins. Include the link to the DM, admins can see your inbox and providing a direct link is helpful for them to weed out bad actors.
• Step 2: Block the person so they cannot directly contact you again.
• Step 3: Send us a mod mail and let the mod team know. Tell us who they are and what they said, send us a screenshot if you can - admins can see your DMs, mods can't. We'll take action where necessary by banning from the sub if they aren't already banned.

What do you mean by No Naming & Shaming?

• Just as we prefer to not be linked to or crossposted from, we do not allow linking to or calling out other subs by name. If you see something you want to share, say it's a hot post that has hit the front page and a stepparent is being absolutely flayed, just refer to it as "that hot post that hit the front page." If you want to complain about other places in general, "other parenting/advice/judgement subs" will suffice. Absolutely under no circumstances should you link to anywhere else.

I can't link to other subs?

• Do not directly link to another sub. (e.g.: "/insertsubnamehere is ridiculously hostile to stepparents!")
• Do not name other subs. (e.g.: "I won't link to it directly, but insertsubnamehere is ridiculously hostile to stepparents!")
• Do not abbreviate other subs. (e.g.: "I know that ISNH is ridiculously hostile to stepparents!")

I can't ping other users?

• Do not summon another user with a username ping/tag. (e.g.: "insertusernamehere was being an asshole.")
• If you are agreeing with someone, it is okay to link to them. (e.g.: "I agree with insertusernamehere, you need to take a couple of steps back and reflect on this.")

What does No Platitudes mean?

• Sanctimonious, overused clichés that grossly oversimplify the stepparenting experience are neither wanted nor allowed here. We have all heard it a thousand times before, we don't need to hear it again. It's not nearly as insightful and wise as some would like to think.

Why don't you people understand it's a package deal?

• Any comment that suggests that OP should have known what they were getting involved with, or that they needed to understand that the kids were part of some package they needed to accept before signing up for marriage is subject to immediate removal.
• This is one of the most insensitive things you can say to a stepparent. Most stepparents were aware of the children, but they were probably not aware of all of the family dynamics.

Why can't you just love them like they are your own?

• Demanding that a stranger you do not know love children that are not biologically theirs as if they were theirs can be incredibly damaging to someone who is already in a vulnerable situation. Any comment that falls along these lines will be removed.

What do you mean by No Trolling? I was just...

• No means no. No trolling. No pretending to be a stepparent and then whipping out the Greatest Hits Bingo Card of The Worst Stepparent in the History of Stepparents. We see you. We've seen you a thousand times.

What does "concern trolling", "gish-galloping", and "sealioning" have to do with stepparenting? This isn't a debate sub, why are you using debate terms?

• That's absolutely right, this isn't a debate sub. And yet, here we are, day after day, having to defend ourselves against this sort of thing. So, enough. No more. Usage of any of these things will get you banned.

What is "Concern Trolling?"

• A concern troll is someone who disingenuously visits sites of an opposing ideology to disrupt conversation by offering unwanted advice on how to solve problems which do not really exist.
  • Example Post: OP expresses concern that she will feel, and possibly act, differently towards her stepchildren after her husband decides that no, he doesn't want anymore children after all.
  • Example Concern Troll pulled from actual mod mail after their comment was removed: "Possible child abuse claims need to be sorted out well before whatever empathy you believe the OP was looking for."

What is a "Devil's Advocate"?

• "I'm just playing devil's advocate here, but have you considered that maybe BM is just really tired and needs a break, too?" BM has dozens of different mom based subs alone on reddit she can complain on, this sub is for stepparents. The stepparent doesn't need to consider that maybe BM is just really tired and needs a break.

"Gish-galloping?" What does that even mean?

• The Gish Gallop is the fallacious debate tactic of drowning your opponent in a flood of individually-weak arguments in order to prevent rebuttal of the whole argument collection without great effort. The Gish Gallop is a conveyor belt-fed version of the on the spot fallacy, as it's unreasonable for anyone to have a well-composed answer immediately available to every argument present in the Gallop.

And "sealioning?" What's that?

• Sealioning involves jumping into a conversation with endless polite, reasonable questions and demands for answers, usually of entry-level topics far below the actual conversation (e.g. "please prove sexism exists"). This tactic differs little from harassment; instead of discussion, the point is to derail discussion, receive criticism (for their ignorance) so as to look like a victim, or to make someone feel overwhelmed and quit talking.

Who gets to define what is considered asshattery?

• The mod team, of course! If we feel that comments are out of line, are trolling, are leading up to a fight or "just asking questions", we are going to remove them and most likely ban the offender.

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FAQ - Sub Questions

Posting Guidelines for Stepparents

• Body text is required, we suggest you use line breaks between paragraphs as a wall of text is difficult to read. Posts that have only a title are likely to be removed. Instead of using names (even fictitious ones), try to use the sub acronyms. It helps our users to follow along if you use the acronyms and not names.
• Assign a post flair that accurately describes what your post is about and what you are seeking. If you are posting an update from a previous post, include a link to that post.
• Flairs are applied to posts to determine what a person is looking for. When submitting a new post, you should choose a flair that specifies if you are looking for advice, support, etc. The following link flair is available and is color coded with side bar links so that you can search by flair:
  • Advice - For when you are specifically asking for advice or help.
  • Announcement - Mod Use Only, for subreddit announcements.
  • Daily (Formerly TTP) - Mod Use Only, for our daily discussion threads.
  • Discussion - A little advice, a little "How does your family handle this?"
  • JustBMThings - Pretty sure this is self explanatory!
  • Legal - Asking for legal advice? Tag it with this!
  • Miscellany - Just a sort of off topic thing? Use this tag.
  • Resource - Sharing a good resource or asking for one? This is the tag you need!
  • Support - For those days when you want nothing but a good old fashioned cry and some community love.
  • Update - Updating us on something that you posted about previously? Use this one!
  • Vent - We all need to vent sometimes. Respect the tag as a vent. This isn't how OP talks all day every day.
  • Win! - Celebrate those wins with us with this tag!
  • Megathread - Mod Use Only, for large mega threads (typically around major calendar events.)

Posting Guidelines for Bioparents

• Stepparents is a support community for stepparents, by stepparents. As bioparents, you may want to have more insight into how the stepparent in your life feels or thinks. You may have questions on how to ease the transition for your partner. However, please keep in mind that this community was not created for you. It was created for your partner or your ex's partner. If you are seeking support on how to deal with a stepparent, there are other subs more suited for your situation and your post is subject to removal.
• There are some posts from bioparents we will accept:
  • Seeking advice on how to support your partner as they navigate stepparenting
  • Seeking resources to help you better support your partner
  • Seeking resources for your partner
• There are some posts from bioparents we will not accept:
  • Complaints about how the stepparent is too involved in your kids lives
  • Vents about how the stepparent is not involved enough in your kids lives
  • "Cautionary tales" advising stepparents to back off
  • Seeking advice on how to tell the stepparent to back off
  • The Do's and Dont's of Stepparenting
  • How your kid's stepmom is literally The Worst
• Comments from bioparents that are helpful and supportive are welcome and appreciated. Comments from bioparents that are not helpful or supportive are not welcome and subject to removal. There are several other subs that may meet the needs of bioparents better than we can. We recommend /coparenting, /parenting, /parents, /blendedfamilies, and /singleparents as starting points.

Guidelines for Stepkids

• At this time, we do not generally accept posts from stepkids. Comments from stepkids that are helpful and supportive are welcome and appreciated. Comments from stepkids that are not helpful or supportive are not welcome and subject to removal. If you are a stepkid seeking support, we highly recommend /stepkids. It is a very supportive community specifically for stepkids. We also recommend /blendedfamilies as another potential group for support.

What the heck are all these acronyms? I'm confused!

• Check out the Common Acronyms wiki page. We try to keep this updated as new terms are introduced to the sub.

Why aren't my posts or comments showing up?

• New posters and accounts go through a waiting period before their posts will show in the sub and the comments on posts automatically. During the new account approval period the mod team will check posts to be sure you aren't attempting to circumvent a ban with a shiny new account. Please be patient while the timer runs down on your "new" status and the mod team approves your posts and responses.

Why was my comment removed?

• Comments are removed when they do not follow the rules of the sub. These rules are published in several places for your reading pleasure.
• Comments are removed at moderator discretion. In some cases your comment may be removed while another remains up. If you find this to be the case, and you believe the comment to be violating the rules, instead of arguing with mods or demanding they remove the additional comments, just report it.

This comment/post is really offensive! Why is it still up?

• All moderators are volunteers and have busy real lives. Sometimes things get past us. The best thing you can do is report anything you find offensive or inflammatory. It's the quickest and most reliable way of alerting us to an issue.

I've received a hurtful/unwanted PM from someone about my recent post. What should I do?

• If you receive an unwanted/hurtful PM from a name you don't recognize, please report it to Reddit Admins using our handy pre-populated form. Be sure to include the permalink to the message. We've been dealing with a few unhappy folks who like to attack stepparents, and reporting it to the admins is the only way to make it stop.

What are the general moderator guidelines?

• Users are expected to know the rules before posting. If you are warned or banned for violating the rules, ignorance is not an excuse.
• Moderators will remove posts and comments and/or lock threads in accordance with the rules above. Typically this happens when threads have gone off-topic in a way that is not productive for the OP, or comments overall have become contentious or disrespectful.
• If a poster continues to argue or to willfully violate these rules, temporary and permanent ban procedures will be followed. Any attempts to avoid or bypass temporary bans will result in a permanent ban. User bans will not be discussed in the sub. Questions posted about user bans are subject to removal and the poster subject to warning/ban procedures. The mod team will not discuss a specific user ban with anyone other than the user involved.
• New accounts are subject to manual approval until they are no longer deemed "new" by the mod team. This helps to weed out trolls and ban evaders.
• We rely on Automoderator to scan for specific words and phrases that are not welcome here and notify the mod team to review the comment or post. This includes slurs of any type and platitudes such as "Love them as your own!"
• The mod team uses a combination of blacklisting and banning when dealing with trolls.
• We employ the use of a bot that automatically bans anyone who comments in subs that have historically harassed our users. If you are picked up by the bot for telling trolls to get fucked, reach out via mod mail and we'll get you sorted out.
• The rules above as well as ban procedures are considered guidelines only; some deviation may be necessary on a case by case basis and/or at the mod team's discretion.

I've been wrongly banned/Why can't I comment here?

• Due to an influx of harassment from users with specific user histories, we have employed a user history ban bot as described above. If you think this has affected you and wish to appeal, please message the mods.

Why was I banned without warning?

• There are numerous reasons that the mod team might opt to move perm banning without warning. Message the moderators if you have specific questions.

Prepare for a wall of text, this is a long one, also, english is not my mother´s tongue. Im posting this after a question in AskMen touched a sensitive fiber and I need some advice on how to proceed. I posted this on relationshipadvice too, but the female perspective you could offer me here might help me understand this from her point of view too.
She is a married friend of mine, but our friendship is quite peculiar.
We know eachother since our last year at university (eight years ago), we did a team asignament and got along well so we continued seeing eachother after the course ended. We clicked well and talked about everything including our romantic lifes, her almost sexless relationship and my shitty and sexless dating life. We developed trust, companionship and a curiosity for trying new things together. We have the same values, political leaning and dark sense of humour. It is a great friendship and we can confide eachother anything.
She was in an almost sexless relationship for years, she married that same guy and is still married to him (14 years together and counting). Her relationship with her now husband is great except for the sexual aspect. This was a recurring conflict in her relationship up to the point than her then BF told her than "if she wanted sex so much she could find someone else", it didnt bothered him that she had sex outside of the relationship. She almost told him to go fuck himself right there. Ironically, near the marriage date she found chats his fiance had with another woman, he was planing on cheating on her. They talked thing out, she forgave him and got married. I asked her WTF she was thinkig, but she said she loved him...
Over the years of closeness, trust and mutual support, we developed atraction we both adknowledged to eachother but we both knew nothing would happen because she was married. Just to give you an example, she once told me that if she wasnt married we would have been having sex from long ago (wierd to translate from spanish), and I told her that the only thing stopping me is that she respected her marriage. This kind pull and push went on every once in a while for years. We both knew nothing would happen but we liked having someone that made us feel sexually desired, as her relationship was as sexless as before the marriage, and my dating life sucked big time.
Arround year and a half ago, she gave her husband an ultimatum and he finally went to an endocrinologist and a therapist, and after some time their sexual life improved. This went fine for arround a year until her father in law passed away, and their sex life plummeted again.
In our last meetups she told me her husband screwed up again, she found he had a collection of pictures he took from a coworkers IG profile and pictures from other women, which he looked before having sex with her to arouse and prepare himself for the act. When she confronted him, he said he was going to try to improve, but a month passed and he was caught again looking at other womens pic. He said to her that his psychologist told him he wasnt hurting anyone by doing this, as it wasnt cheating.
He said he wanted to do a clean slate, try from the begining again and she also said she had something to confess. A year after the wedding, she took some singing lessons (she sings preety well) and there was a classmate that didnt gave a fuck she was married, she hadnt had sex in months, found someone who was agresive in his aproach, lusted for her and caved in. She told me about the guy when this happened, but she lied to me and said that "it took a lot of willpower and self restraint not to cheat".
Now, here is the problem:
I never expected her to dump her BF/husband for me because that is a recipe for failure and being replaced on the same way the previous guy was. And while I stated I was interested I never pushed too far because of her morals (christian practicing woman who believed in marriage and loyalty AFAIK then). I have to admit than I if she dumped him I would have taken my chance because she is everything I want in a woman (except for the cheating part), she actually raised the standard of what I would like in a long term partner.
But it really pissed me off than the moment she decides to take the risk to set her life on fire, she does it with a random guy, and that the excuse she gave me is that she valued our friendship and would have caused her a lot of pain if her husband found out and she couldnt see me again, she didnt sleep with me because she values me. What kind of twisted, emotionally manipulative way ot thinking is that???. I didnt confront her that exact moment and emotionally dissociated because at the time we were having a coffee previous to a theater function she gifted the ticket to me for my birthday (we give eachother nice gifts), it was not the time nor the place.
I honestly feel used for the validation her husband didnt gave her for years, and a part of me wants to tell her to fuck off and never talk to her again. Another part of me sees a great friend in her, and it would hurt me dearly not having her in my life. This confession changed the way I see her, there is no going back from that. I can accept being second to her husband, for good or bad, its the man she choosed to share her life with, but not to a random stranger (one who didnt gave a fuck about her values).
I have to be honest too, and in these eight years my dating life was a dissaster, I never dated much, I tried for a month or two, then dropped the towel for months on a never ending cycle with longer hiatus each time. Dating allmost always lead nowhere for me, I only had sex with two women in all that time, I would have loved a LTR but it never happened for me. So, having someone that found me atractive as a person and as a man made me feel a bit valued.
TLDR: I have feelings for a married friend, she said she is atracted to me too. It never lead anywhere because we both knew our place. She cheated on her husband with a random guy and told me she didnt cheat on him with me because she values me.