So, I'm seeing some mixed reactions to the last season, and honestly I'm feeling them myself as well, so I decided to sit down and sort of breakdown and analyse some of what happened over the course of Oxventure, what seemed to go well and what didn't, and maybe try to get into some litcrit of the whole thing.
Warning: I'm not always nice in this write up, though I have done my best to be fair and honest throughout in what I think the potential pitfalls were and how I hope they might be better addressed in future campaigns.
I've played D&D myself for a few years, listened to other Actual Play series (notably NADDPOD and some D20 at one end of the competency-of-players scale, and Dragon Friends and Dungeons and Drongos at the other), and write... a lot. Including over 250k of fanfic specifically for Oxventure, which started off as an excuse for smut but ended up being a lot of worldbuilding.

System & Setting

Johnny has made no secret that they're not a huge fan of D&D, indicating that they feel it overshadows other systems, and given that the Spicy Rat Caper was meant to be a one-off but fans loved it perhaps they felt a little trapped in the system. This did lead to some funny moments (Faire Trial and Max commenting that they sometimes felt "like a big dice rolling around a tray" sticks with me) but sometimes felt a bit mean-spirited ("Crawl Me Maybe" and the heavy 'lol dungeon crawling is so ridiculous' comes to mind).
It was also clear that at times, none of the group seemed to know the game and the rules super well. From Mike not knowing his movement speed ("30 what? Miles an hour?") to Merilwen not using her animal forms or changing out her spells until level 8, to the underpowering of most of the classes, it became more of an issue as time when on in some ways.
It's easy enough to understand why, live on stage and starry-eyed at Harry McEntire as Aubrey, Johnny missed that in the combat Aubrey cast two levelled spells in the same round (against the rules) as well as using two sorcery spell modifiers in the same round (also against the rules, and they mentioned this on the podcast). Sorcerer was also a new class to everyone, and dealing with a new class is always going to be difficult, especially dropping them in at a higher level rather than starting from level 1 and building up.
However, bluntly, most of the guild weren't using their class/subclass abilities to the fullest. Rules lawyer Andy did the best, so he gets a pass here, and Ellen got sharper with Merilwen over time to stuff like knowing her spell components, tracking her spell slots, and preparing her spells. However, the concept of Egbert as "a paladin who doesn't do paladin things" (quote from the post-Deadlands discussion) was ultimately really limiting not just for Egbert (Mike commented in one podcast episode that he felt he'd trapped himself in only using Egbert's abilities in ways that were funny) but for the entire concept of paladins - Max might as well have been a fighter in the fight in Gnome Alone that they took part in, and we never saw Shattershield fight at all. There were references to combat offscreen in Out of Order, but... that was it. (Additionally, while paladins can be poisoned, as poison and disease are different in 5e rules, paladins can pump out a LOT of healing, and a citadel full of them should have a lot of magical reserves to draw on as a result.)
And Egbert isn't the only one who was limited. One of the biggest features of Great Old One warlocks (which Prudence is, with Cthulhu), is that from level one they have telepathy within 30ft ("Awakened Mind"). Prudence went the entire campaign without using this. Although Johnny allowed the Message cantrip to be treated like this, allowing people to reply to it when RAW it is one-way only, this meant that Dob also essentially gained Prudence's power because he also had Message. Merilwen was limited in her animal forms and the spells that she knew up until level 8, and it was noticeable how everyone was shocked at her power once she had full RAW druid range. Corazón, on the other hand, not only had Andy keeping on top of all of his class and subclass features, but got two subclasses, leaving him about on par or slightly overpowered for the level he should have been looking overpowered because the others didn't use their abilities so well. Meanwhile, Dob was given access to full bardic abilities, but only used bardic inspiration in some of their level 1 adventures and then not much again until the final season.
The counterpart to this under-utilisation of class potential was the amount of 'rule of cool' or 'rule of funny' which sometimes worked well (Merilwen befriending the owlbear in Quiet Riot, or the reflavouring of Thunder Wave to do lightning damage instead based on their initial misunderstanding) and sometimes ended up breaking the game (the "everyone can cast Moonbeam" joke that escalated to the scrolls of Moonbeam that made the finale kind of laughable). Sometimes this seemed to be the time and audience pressure of live shows (allowing Prudence to use the hammer to wheel her way through the skeletons in Stop Hammer Time), but other times it was just letting them do things that went outside the rules (Egbert body-slamming six(?) Otherberts at once in Bad Altitude, or Dob casting all his spells at once in Corpse and Robbers) seemingly preferring the immediate humour or "yes and" over the potential internal logic or end implications.
The contrast between this permissiveness, sometimes to the point of breaking logical immersion, honestly seemed sharper to me when it was laid against Andy's GMing in Deadlands. Whether it was reminding people that there were snipers on the rooftops in Dead Man's Worth or refusing to yes-and a chandelier in More Wonders Than, he made it more difficult for the players and in doing so made them work harder within their skillsets and the setting, making the victories feel harder-won as a result. I'm aware that some people didn't like Andy's GMing specifically because he was less permissive, but I believe that his intention - and the outcome - was a stronger narrative that made the characters feel active and not just lucky. (Liliana lampshaded this in Frenemy at the Gates when she asked whether things often just fell into their laps, like with knowing Binbag, and it almost felt like a spiteful comment so it surprised me to hear it from Johnny.)
What I hope: It has been indicated that Johnny has created the new setting for the next game, so hopefully they have put things more to their liking at the beginning and will not end up seeming to dunk on the premise of their own series. I'm also hoping for everyone to either use more standardised rules, or at least establish in-game standards at the beginning so that all of the characters, and players, feel like they're on a level playing field from the off. Johnny seemed to much more enjoy the systems of Blades in the Dark and Deadlands (which were designed to be less superhero-level) and even the lower levels of Oxventure (especially Tier 1) where the characters were just people who were skilled but not particularly out of the range of normality; I'd be interested to see whether they lean more in that direction and keep the characters lower-powered as a result.

Characters & Character Arcs

Again, it's worth noting that the characters were initially conceived as being for a one-off game, so the initial concepts did not necessarily need planned arcs. However, the rockiness of some of the arcs overall may have contributed to issues with the series, especially as it stretched out over so many years. I'll go through the PCs alphabetically, then Liliana, then mention any other NPCs. There are two elements here - in-character goals, and character arc goals, which both play into things.
Corazón - in my opinion, Corazón had one of the stronger character arcs, which may reflect Andy's interest in writing (and now being published!), going from the coward pirate-wannabe who abandoned his crew to the curse, to the person who threw himself in front of a spell meant for Merilwen. This was highlighted in his reply to Them in Prism Break, even before the Power Word Kill spell. In fact, the Power Word Kill brought a level of pathos to the fact that he had told Them that he was not even done growing as a person. Andy commented on the podcast at some point that he had expected at the beginning to be one of the more morally shady characters (as a pirate), but found himself playing a line of being immoral regarding money but caring deeply about physical hurt or harm to people. Corazón also had two layers of in-character goals - to break the curse (limited) and to become a betterichereal pirate (more open-ended) and find his own identity which allowed him to carry character development over the years even when the curse was ignored for extended periods. Goals: clear and stepped, with the curse as a plot-hook; arc: good and perfectly timed for the finale.
What I hope for: More of the same, really.
Dob - Dob came in early with a clearly defined goal (to find his sister) - but this was done in Brawl of the Wild and Dob has been sort of... undefined ever since. It absolutely makes sense that he would have floundered for a while, but Dob has gone several years without settling on new goal, and Luke also didn't seem to settle on a character arc (the romance subplot in Orbpocalypse Saga through Bride or Die seemed to be almost a character arc, but never got full payoff?) which left Dob feeling... well, at times it almost seemed like Luke wanted to get rid of him to play someone else instead. This was unfortunately also highlighted in conversation with Them, as the response that Dob gave was about him being a "mote of chaos". I obviously couldn't speak for others, but I found this underwhelming and unconvincing as an answer, as it didn't give me any sense of why a powerful celestial being would consider this an argument - if Dob had developed the argument to be that chaos is generative and creative in a way that pure order cannot be, and/or that the free will and agency of sapience demand that they be allowed to act and to try even if they make mistakes or fail, I think there might have been something there, but he didn't really seem to. Goals: had one which formed a good plot-hook, then went without; arc: unclear.
What I hope for: Luke to determine more of a character arc, or series of shorter arcs, perhaps drawing from his Blades in the Dark DMing experience, and to either pick a more open-ended goal or to move along a series of goals over time.
Egbert - Egbert came in with the vaguer goal of "atonement", which gave him more wiggle room, but unfortunately didn't seem to actively pursue it a lot of the time. In Legacy of Dragons it was revealed that he was searching for atonement for the deaths of two Dragon D'Or members - but by this time, so many people around the Oxventurers had died, including innocent bystanders, that the deaths of two other paladins felt like nothing. (Mike commented, again on the podcast, that he agreed with the commenters at the time who agreed that they knew it was his backstory from the beginning because only two paladins had died. The two figure paled next to the collateral damage that the party later caused.) Mike also commented on the podcast that during lockdown, he had made a conscious change with Egbert in to try to avoid combat as much as possible, and to avoid fatal attacks if in combat, but it wasn't clear how long that lasted. It may have been trying to avoid being the annoying/preachy paladin that stopped him from trying to influence the rest of the party or to save lives around them, but unfortunately it meant that it was difficult to see a real sense of wanting to atone in Egbert's arc. Letting innocents die around him isn't exactly less culpable than killing them himself. (Notable incidents included Mule Be Sorry, Wrangle in the Tangle, Hag Reflex, and Squid Pro Quo.) In terms of character arcs, there was definitely an element of going from seeking approval from Dragon D'Or to seeking that of his friends, but that was just a switching of approval-seeking rather than a significant change. Goals: had one, but didn't seem to actively pursue it; arc: moved from pursuing the morals of Dragon D'Or to pursuing the morals of the Oxventurers.
What I hope for: Mike to come back with a character who seeks to pursue their own goals more directly (see Barnaby and Silas, who both felt much stronger in this sense).
Merilwen - Merilwen was supposed to be about balance and protecting nature, but didn't always heavily engage with this point of view, even when the actions of the other Oxventurers should have absolutely led to discussions or disagreements between them. Many people commented on Andy being dickish about shooting seabirds in Legacy of Dragons, but there are other incidents, including the Wrangle in the Tangle (again), Eldritch or Die Trying (where it would have been interesting to see Merilwen's preference for nature clash with the need for the crystal) and the Extinction season which seemed to veer between being set up to be about Merilwen, then swapping to Dob-centric, then cleaning up Corazon's curse. In terms of character arc, I think there might be an element that can be teased out about her not fitting in with elf society and fitting in better with the faster-paced, more chaotic world of shorter-lived peoples, but this feels like speculation on my part more than something intended. Naturally, a character of around 100 is not going to feel as suited to a coming-of-age story as younger ones, but characters of all ages should be able to have character arcs. (Even if they might be slower in longer-lived people like elves - an example I can go to here is Galadriel, from Tolkien, who in her youth was proud and refused a pardon that would have allowed her to return to Valinor, but at the end of LOTR is humble enough to accept and go there. It took millennia for her, but it was a character arc all the same!) In Merilwen's conversation with Them, her uncertainty seemed to talk to this - a lack of clarity about where her characterisation was supposed to have gone over the last few years. I think there was a real opportunity here to explore Merilwen's relationship with morality and the difference between neutrality and passiveness, which unfortunately was missed. Goals: was supposed to be about nature but didn't push for it; arc: [speculation] seeking a non-elven community that she matched better with.
What I hope for: Ellen to have a character with more defined goals or arc, or gaps still to be filled in, rather than a static momentary sketch of personality/character that doesn't feel designed to be changed over time. Again, Lilith with her secrets/looking into the paranormal, and Edie with her goal to help people in a world in which monsters aren't going away, felt stronger as characters with goals and arcs, and I'd be happy to see more of that.
Prudence - Ambitious from the off, Prudence never actually struggled for goals - power, knowledge, magic, influence. The open-endedness of these goals once again served Prudence pretty well for carrying her through individual adventures/games and over the course of the whole canon, even if she didn't come in with clearly-defined (plot hook) goals like Corazón's curse. For the first few years, it felt that her character arc wasn't hugely significant, although there was certainly an element of found family over selfishness that played into it, but Jane also discussed (again, in the podcast) how the werebear element was really quite exciting for her as it allowed her to begin to explore the clash between werebear Lawful Good status and Prudence's usual Chaotic Evil desires. Eldritch or Die Trying explored this in a somewhat exaggerated way, with Cthulhu offering power in exchange for the destruction of the others (I suspect in Prudence's question about specifying people, she was trying to figure out whether she could kill just Liliana) which was a somewhat blatant nod to the character arc but did underline it. (Unlike the others, this also established Prudence's character arc before Them.) Goals: open-ended in a way that leaves them technically incomplete even now but which were stably useful throughout canon; arc: de-isolation and alignment shifting (in a way that should have been ripe for playing off against Liliana's) which played out well.
What I hope for: A character with perhaps some more specific or plot-hook goals as well as broader life goals. Prudence's character arc played out more subtly than Corazón's and sometimes perhaps got lost behind the louder personalities of some of the others, but I do think was well done. A less obvious way to explore or demonstrate it would have been nice.
Liliana - So. Here we go. Liliana was essentially a DMPC for the last season, but was a recurring character before that, with a stated goal of subjecting part or all of G'eth and broader goals (indicated or stated in Prism Break and the finale season generally) of academic/scholarly improvement, arcane knowledge, and the notion of making people appreciate what they have by threatening to take it from them. As a villain, she was threatening, and the layering of goals once again worked here, even with the abrupt movement to 'save G'eth' in the last season because, well, you can't rule what no longer exists. However, I am honestly confused as to what her character arc was supposed to be - whether her stated change of heart in front of Them was real, or whether that was a lie that Them somehow did not call out or challenge. Considering in Frenemy at the Gates, Liliana says that Prudence is the most like her, there was a potential here to play against Prudence's character arc of coming to trust others, even appreciate others, and facing the consequences of suffering making her realise her own flawed logic. I really do not know whether her betrayal of the guild was planned from the beginning (in which case, her talking to Them feels like it was overplayed, and Them should have challenged her on it) or whether Johnny added it because the fight against the giant was over more quickly than anticipated (compare to Dine Hard where the chef was the one person they did not stat up because they didn't expect the guild to fight him). Goals: logical, stepped, and worked for a villain; arc: ????? was there an arc? Was it fake? Was it desperation? Why did she, on 1 hitpoint, try to Power Word Kill Prudence instead of Teleporting away?
What I hope for: I don't know, with this one, really. Liliana's weird arc feels more related to the odd pacing of the last season than an underlying characterisation issue, for me, so I think it's more related to pacing/wanting Oxventure campaign 1 to close out.

Player Etiquette

...okay, this one is going to be a little bit harsh, perhaps. But the main campaign, more than either Blades in the Dark or Deadlands, really suffered from certain players having a bout of Main Character Syndrome.
I say specifically players here, because it was entirely in-character for certain characters (largely Corazón) to think of themselves as the main character and behave as such. However, even if the characters think that, is generally considered good etiquette for the players to treat each other as equals, let each other take turns in the spotlight, and have their Moments.
Good examples would be the group letting Merilwen be the main character in Peak Performance, Prudence explore her sundered relationship with Cthulhu during the Orbpocalypse Saga, or Dob showing off his acting bard chops in Dine Harder.
However, at various times, various people have overstepped. Sometimes in live shows where the audience response and excitement probably played a role (Rolling in the Deep) it's more understandable, but it also happened elsewhere. Mike got some flack for picking up the eyepatch at the end of Cursed Case Scenario and 'ruining' Corazón's moment, but even Johnny called Andy out for muscling in on Dob's subplot in Court in the Act, and Life Finds a Dob was almost uncomfortable at times. There was also something of a trend of Dob deliberately acting against the party for unclear reasons (possibly meant to be humour?) - either running away from them in Life Finds a Dob, refusing to 'share' Corazon's body in Portal Combat, or his contrary behaviour in Hunter Pressure in not wanting to fight the hunters/murderers they were facing.
I'm not sure whether this trend of contrariness fed into the unclear character arc that I mentioned above, or the other way around, or whether the two just fed into each other.
The most extreme example of this was, undoubtedly, Dob jumping in on the shoot-off between Liliana and Prudence right at the end of Portal Combat. Liliana approached Prudence in Frenemy at the Gates because they were the most alike. Prudence was the one with the first kill of the whole campaign, using Eldritch Blast, against the party's wishes and Corazón's protests specifically - how appropriate would it have been for her to get the last kill of the campaign, with Eldritch Blast, in defense of herself and her party and as retribution for Corazón? But instead, Luke inserted Dob into the standoff and Johnny played into it, even to the absurd extent of letting the skeletons use Time Stop (a 9th Level spell) just to explain why Dob's whole conversation with them could take place faster than Prudence could fire off an eldritch blast. Corazón's self-sacrifice and Merilwen's reveal of her Reincarnation spell was therefore also partially overshadowed by Dob sacrificing his magic for one more hitpoint of damage on Liliana rather than letting Prudence have her moment.
What I hope for: some of the lessons learned from other campaigns to lead the players to be better at taking turns, both in terms of people not trying to be the Main Character at inappropriate moments, players stepping up and into the leading role when it is appropriate for them to do so, and Johnny more actively monitoring the balance between the players and shutting down some of the more egregious behaviour

Morality

This... isn't actually going to be complaining about characters behaving immorally or even being evil. Prudence is honestly a great example of how to play an evil character in a way that doesn't break a party, while Corazón works as being immoral about money but moral about hurting people (at least most of the time). I've also thoroughly enjoyed some other games in which the characters have been far from moral (NADDPOD's Trinyvale series is a good example of this - the characters are scam artists, grifters and egotists, and the DM commented that "character growth doesn't have to be positive!"; they complain the entire time while saving the world).
But it's consistency that is more of a sticking point, as well as the player treatment of the moral positions of the party. It's hard to know how to treat the morals of the party when they vary from letting a town burn for being slightly annoying (Mule Be Sorry) to most of the team being ready to forgive a hag who used to eat human(oid) children (Hag Reflex). This isn't just the players either - Stop Hammer Time used the murder of children as a joke, and marked a change in tone for the treatment of NPCs and civilians as not mattering compared to the preferences or comfort of the main characters. The skeletons killing the children wasn't even some sort of monkey's paw scenario about asking for there to be no more orphans in the town, either - it was just nasty shock value, in many ways. And playing this sort of thing for humour makes it quite hard to handle some of the rest of the series as a result.
There also felt like a dissonance, at times, between the objective morality of the characters and how the players seemed to want them to be treated. Prudence never claimed to be anything other than evil, from shooting someone with eldritch blast during the Spicy Rat Caper to enjoying Hammerdahl's necromancy in Extinction - Jane even indicated that she wanted to explore shifting Prudence's alignment post-Fast and the Furriest, which can be seen as Prudence is much less interested in random acts of destruction and seems quite happy to get her kicks scaring or torturing people (Silent Knight) or watching the gruesome spectacle at the end of Knight Shift. So Jane's plans matched Prudence's behaviour - a softening of her deliberately evil acts, but still happy to let others be evil.
For the others, though, it didn't always match. Merilwen's "True Neutral" label often felt more like passively letting her party members be evil, rather than actively seeking balance, Egbert was supposed to be on the search for atonement but regularly allowed or took part in atrocities, and Dob seemed more inclined to act on what the audience or Luke thought was funny (or even deliberately seeking to be contrary) rather than following a consistent attitude to morality. His vaguely annoyed "Skeletons!" and hands on hips in return to "It's orphans, boss" was clearly played for laughs, and in Mule Be Sorry he turns on the town easily, which then makes it feel strange when in Hag Reflex he objects to letting the hag live. Dob's infatuation with Liliana and Katie Pearlhead, both of whom have killed or caused the deaths of great numbers of people, also makes it harder to take his claims to morality at all seriously. The potential moral issues of Merilwen killing the Otherberts to prevent them from taking a message to Liliana (Bad Altitude) is turned into accusing her of "war crimes", but it is absurd in the face of how many other innocent bystanders the guild had killed or caused to die in other stories (from as early as Quiet Riot, in which the paladins were annoying but killing them was honestly overboard, to as late as Squid Pro Quo where Dob seemed to forget that five people had died and then brushed off the deaths).
NPCs also got hit by this at times, from the town mayor in Mule Be Sorry (again) who put his townsfolk on spike growth just to cross it, to the chef in Dine Harder who was abruptly made a cannibal to get a fight going, to the decay of morally Good characters like Captain Shattershield turning away from the Upside Down Mistmire when in his first appearance he had been willing to fight Death itself for being on Mistmire's grounds. It's hard to take seriously moral questions about keeping the Dragon Under Mistmire in its shelter, and the accidentally-caused deaths of two paladins, when the guild has been responsible for much worse.
What I hope for: an approach to morality that does not prioritise momentary humour over consistency; evil behaviour to be acknowledged as evil and owned rather than treated as protagonist-centric; a moral balance which makes it possible to really explore moral issues and concerns rather than extreme behaviour which then makes it impossible to treat conflict seriously. Legacy of Dragons, as a standalone arc seeking Egbert's redemption, exploring the protection vs freedom of the gold dragon, and considering how to improve vs break systems, had some really great potential - but because of extreme 'rule of funny' behaviour in the past, it was impossible to really feel that it had the moral gravitas and weight that it deserved. When the skeletons go from murdering a dozen innocent children (Stop Hammer Time) to giving Merilwen a bad haircut (Mean Gulls) and this is almost treated as somehow consistent in evilness, it makes it harder to respect the characters or the expectation of moral standards.
The Good: The humour, the quick-wittedness, the variety of stories. Roleplaying moments such as Egbert and Shattershield in Legacy of Dragons, Corazón putting his old self behind him at the Curse Hole, or Merilwen saying "I'll make you" to Vex.
The Bad: Unclear character arcs, inconsistent moralities, underpowered classes but at the same time game-breakingly permissive DMing, and some Main Character Syndrome moments.
The Hope: Learning from teething issues and setting up a game system that the DM doesn't resent so much, to better enable people to balance and play off each other in a less jarring and more consistent way.

I'll start by saying I'm thankful to have found this forum, which I stumbled across while Googling the symptoms I was experiencing. Reading the stories that were mirrors of my own lead me to identify and eliminate the problem, as well as the peace of mind from knowing my situation was far from unique. I'm writing this out to hopefully leave for someone else to stumble across that's in the same position, or for those on the fence about quitting, or people needing the motivation to remain off nicotine.
40 year old male, and have had a fairly extensive history with nicotine. Started when partying in my 20's and would bum a drag from a cigarette, to bumming whole cigarettes, to eventually buying my own packs. I never picked up a regular smoking habit, as I refrained from doing it at the house or in front of certain people. But if I was drinking and/or around others who smoked I could really tear through them. Could still easily go days or a week without one. They smelled terrible, have the negative stigma these days, and not terribly convenient. I then explored other things like vapes, dip, snus, and eventually pouches.
I didn't initially like the pouches, as they didn't give the "hit" of taking a drag of the cigarette. I used them as a way to stop the "nasty" habit of smoking and replace them with the "clean and healthier" nicotine pouches. They VERY quickly took over though. Where I wouldn't smoke in certain situations, I could easily pop a pouch in. Eventually and in very short order, I went from an occasional social smoker, to having a 6mg nicotine pouch in pretty much every waking hour of the day. From the drive to work with my morning coffee, until it was time to brush my teeth and go to bed I had at least one in. Eating meals was seen almost as an inconvenience, and I'd sometimes finish as quickly as possible so I could put another pouch in. Wasn't out of ordinary to have the majority of a can finished in a day's time.
Early on, I started noticing I was clenching my jaws a lot, and would get some tension headaches. Seems like I started noticing the veins in my temples bulging quite often. My quality of sleep went to hell. If I could manage to stay asleep through the night, I'd still not wake up feeling refreshed. I have a physically demanding job and lifestyle, and noticed certain activities that were never a problem were becoming more difficult. I'd be winded and sweating, heart pounding from things that wouldn't have phased me prior. Foolishly I wrote these off as just getting older. I also started to get tightness in my chest, and it became seemingly difficult to take deep breaths. This one creeps up on you, and you don't really notice and even become used to it after it becomes ever-present.
Heart palpitations, and occasional racing heart for no reason began next. And the anxiety, which I had never ever experienced before. I had to look up on the internet what I was feeling because it was so unfamiliar when experienced out of context from situations where anxiety is normal. Literally the same feeling as I had waiting to jump out of the plane the first time I went skydiving, but happening at random for seemingly no reason. The frequency, and the intensity of these episodes began increasing to the point I began to worry. Eventually leading to a full panic attack where I thought I was having a heart attack and was going to die. If you've never experienced such a thing, it's one of the most horrible things you can suffer through, and you'll never forget it. You feel completely helpless, confused, scared out of your mind, and just want to crawl out of your own body to get it to stop.
Despite these symptoms, I refused to acknowledge the possibility that the insane amounts of nicotine i was administering to my body 24/7 had any relation to what was happening physically and psychologically. I got to the point I could feel one of the episodes coming on, and out of instinct (or learned behavior) would spit the pouch out, drink a lot of water, and would get eased out of it before it totally took me over. Then of course as soon as I felt better I'd throw another pouch in.
Until one day last week, I felt the anxiety coming on, but nothing I did could shake it. I was light-headed, nauseous, clammy skinned, cold sweating, heart racing. And it wouldn't stop. I had to have a co-worker drive me home because I didn't trust my driving. Checked my BP and it was 148/94, heart rate 98 with detected irregular beat AFTER I had calmed down some and was feeling better. Symptoms continued on into the next day, where I eventually found this forum while doing searches. That was last week, and I've been 11 days with no nicotine.
First few days were brutal, and I thought I needed to visit the ER a couple times. Anxiety was high, couple panic attacks scattered in where I again thought I was having a medical emergency. Slight nausea and low appetite at first, pretty much had to force myself to eat, and when I did it made me slightly sick. The "brain fog" talked about on here is very real. It's like being completely disassociated with your mind and body. Tasks you do feel like you're on autopilot. You don't trust your cognitive abilities. Monitored my blood pressure regularly during this time, and it would be all over the place. Didn't take much to get it and my heart rate way up, which of course makes you feel bad and increases the anxiety. Could only fall asleep with the help of sleep aids, (Unisom). Muscle aches and fatigue, chest pains and tightness from the constant anxiety. Simple things during this time have been able to trigger an anxiety attack. Riding in a vehicle with someone else, frustrated with a project, and even getting a haircut. Just the fear of being "locked in" to the barber chair and not being able to get up and walk off an anxiety attack if I needed to, was enough to actually trigger one. Blood sugar was also all over the place and I was snacking like crazy.
I feel like I'm on an upward trajectory now, though. My appetite has returned. The anxiety is still present, but nowhere near the levels of last week. I'm also starting to be able to better control it. I feel like a weight has been taken off my chest and I can finally breathe fully. The palpitations/irregular heartbeats were very present the first week, but have tapered to almost non-existent now. Still monitoring my BP and HR, and while I'll still get some spikes, are more consistently low and getting better every day. My physical stamina is returning. I was weedeating a steep bank at the house that I've been slogging through for a while, and noticed that I wasn't even breaking a sweat or breathing heavy, weedeater felt light as a feather. Seriously felt like I was superhuman compared to just weeks before.
Sorry for the wall of text, just wanting to get my story out to hopefully help others the way the stories on here helped me. If you're thinking about quitting, do it. Especially if you're starting to notice some of the symptoms like I had from heavy use. It's not a "safe alternative" when you have your body constantly subjected to a poisonous stimulant 24/7. Read this story, and search others in this community with the terms "heart", "panic attacks" or "anxiety".
Looking forward to hopefully continued improvement the longer I'm off these things. Reading others accounts, it may be a longer and much tougher road than I anticipated, but the memory of those severe symptoms is much stronger than any cravings for a nicotine buzz.

Please add anything you feel is big in the comments that I may miss, but here's what I'm thinking and looking forwards to...

• Kitty is back, don't know why, but it gets the people going. I believe he sees something in the markets, and that is what led to our early May intonthis week price/volume spikes.
  
• T+2 for buys and calls executed recently.
  
• I speculated about T+35 cycles leading to our little spike starting early May, that also lined up with the crypto collateral haircut.
  
• If you buy into T+35 playing any part, the next cycle would open up around June 7th, not to include any obligations or FTDs from this last week.
  
• Next GME earnings report is due early June.
  
• Annual shareholder meeting June 13th.
  
• Our dear -einfach account got abruptly suspended after a recent post - not sure if it's in this sub but it's over in Hot at the other.
  

F-u's post in Hot... https://www.reddit.com/Superstonk/s/r7gEYmqlDR
Link in that post goes to -einfach's last post before being suspended... https://www.reddit.com/Superstonk/s/JMbLqrMZ1l

Please add anything you feel is big in the comments that I may miss, but here's what I'm thinking and looking forwards to...

• Kitty is back, don't know why, but it gets the people going. I believe he sees something in the markets, and that is what led to our early May intonthis week price/volume spikes.
  
• T+2 for buys and calls executed recently.
  
• I speculated about T+35 cycles leading to our little spike starting early May, that also lined up with the crypto collateral haircut.
  
• If you buy into T+35 playing any part, the next cycle would open up around June 7th, not to include any obligations or FTDs from this last week.
  
• Next GME earnings report is due early June.
  
• Annual shareholder meeting June 13th.
  
• Our dear -einfach account got abruptly suspended after a recent post - it's in Hot, but check these if you didn't read.
  

F-u's post in Hot... https://www.reddit.com/Superstonk/s/r7gEYmqlDR
Link in that post goes to -einfach's last post before being suspended... https://www.reddit.com/Superstonk/s/JMbLqrMZ1l

I use to work with a team of 10-12 other girls and we all pretty much got along with each other.
You had this one girl, let’s just call her “Susan”. Well Susan was one of those girls that wore “orange” fondation, bleached her hair blonde - white, wore low riding jeans so you could see her string riding up her back…
Susan and I worked “well” together, despite the fact that I didn’t like her too much bcuz I always try to remain professional at work no matter who I’m working with on my shift, but it’s hard to do this when Susan likes to make fun of you..
I was the chubbiest girl out of us all but it had never bothered me before and as mentioned, we all pretty much got along with each other.
it was the early 2000s, I had purchased my FIRST low riding jeans: pure white. But as I am artistically talented I jazzed up those jeans with song lyrics, ripped knees, added some spikes and other bling… I did a pretty good job for a DIY project and so they became my favourite pair of pants. I wore them ALL the time.
One day, I was wearing my fav jeans, it was a shift rotation so we had like 6 or 7 people all hanging around about to log on/log off) when Susan out of nowhere just decided to blurt out to me in front of of the girls “you know, it’s so funny how we all mostly have the same haircut” (she was the only one who bleached her hair and had hers cut in a short Bob, while the rest of us had long hair coloured between brown to black) “and yet, the best way to tell each other apart from the back is you’ve got the biggest ass here” and she tried to laugh and make it seem like it was nothing, but nobody else laughed and just kinda fell awkwardly quiet.
All her rude comments to me, always side eyeing me and making fun of me… I couldn’t hold back so I replied “yeah? That’s cool. At least when I insult someone I can look at them straight in the eyes”.
She never bothered me again 😎👉👉

In the dev streams leading up to S5, GSG said that anyone who purchased seasonal cosmetics (i.e. ones that were originally part of a performance pass or cosmetic tree) from the space rig store would get some sort of compensation upon unlocking said item in the performance pass or cosmetic tree while working on an old season.
Let’s say I bought the “Shock Spike” haircut from Season 1 for Gunner and Scout but not for Driller or Engie. What will happen when I “unlock” that haircut in the S1 performance pass? Will I get compensated for my purchases and unlock it for Driller and Engie? Will I only unlock it for the ones I hadn’t bought it for and get nothing for the ones I did? Will the game crash because it can’t resolve Russell’s Paradox?

Just warning y'all, this is gonna be really long... I'm trying to give as much context as I can for better understanding. And another warning, I mention some things about weight and feeling insecure about it. Not anything too bad, but just so you know. Anyways. I'm AFAB, and I've used the label genderfluid since 2019, but now as I'm getting older and allowing myself to explore my gender identity without feeling ashamed, I don't know if I'm really genderfluid, or transgender, or what. I just would like to know what label this sounds like to y'all? And I KNOW I don't Have to use a label, I just want to know or get some other peoples thoughts on it, because I'm really confused and don't know what is really going on with me. So basically, I've been identifying as a woman for a long time, since it's my assigned gender at birth. But in 2019, I really just learned about LGBTQ and all of the labels and meanings, and I found that Genderfluid fit me best. That some days I felt like a boy, some days I felt like a girl, some days I felt like neither, or both, whatever. But I think I kinda forgot about it, and I just identified as a woman again. And then in 2020, I thought I might be trans, as I wanted to be everything male. I wanted to dress that way, look that way, have a different name and haircut and pronouns and all of that. And I was ALOT happier that way, and I felt more comfortable, but also not at the same time because of my chest. I've wanted a binder for a VERY long time, and I didn't have one till just THIS year, and so whenever I dressed how I wanted to in 2020, I just looked like a guy with a big bust and it repulsed me, so I really just tried to be male online with my friends mostly? Since I didn't look like one in real life, I felt like I was embarrassing myself, y'know? :( And in 2021, I just went by agender, because I didn't feel like being anything. But also that year, I was really depressed, so I think maybe I just didn't wanna have to stress about my gender too. Anyways, in 2023 I went into a relationship with somebody, and I was identifying as a woman at that point, so I kinda subconsciously hyperfeminized myself so I could be their "perfect" girlfriend, even though they didn't want me to do that. I kinda tried way too hard that year 💀 We broke up in November that year, and after that, I've been exploring my gender again. I realized there wasn't really a need to be so feminine, and I started to like Harry Potter for the first time! My favorite character was Ron Weasley, and I started to really like his character, and the actor himself. I really admired the way he dressed when he was younger, and at that point, I decided that I should start dressing the way I REALLY want to. So I got the money for new clothes, AND A BINDER! And I finally got to dress the way I've wanted for so long, and I was so happy. It was the happiest and best I've ever felt and looked in so long. I felt just like a boy. But, I also felt dysphoric for the first time in a while, because I had my long dark brown hair still. I didn't feel like I really looked like a boy enough because of it. And I debated cutting my hair, but I thought I was just really liking that Rupert Grint guy too much, and I only was acting that way because of him. Sometimes I really like a character or celebrity and I kind of accidentally subconsciously take on some things that they do, and the way they dress. But I eventually completely stopped liking Harry Potter, and I still wanted that haircut, so I did it. And I really tried to give myself a gender neutral/androgynous haircut, so if I felt like a girl again, I wouldn't regret the haircut. I had that haircut, and I dressed the way I wanted to, and I felt incredible. It's the most confident I've ever felt in my life, but then my hair started to grow out, and I looked more girly again, and I couldn't take it. So I had another haircut, this time inspired by Chino Moreno, the lead singer of my favorite band ever, Deftones. I got hairgel, and now I go out with my spiked hair, baggy jeans with boxers showing, baggy band shirt, my sneakers, and a ton of bracelets and cuffs. This is JUST how I have ALWAYS wanted to dress. I feel like a boy, and I'm so happy. But now I'm really getting to the point now, that's all of the context I had to say first. I've recently caught myself thinking "I can't wait to get top surgery one day." Which, I am DEFINITELY doing. But then I started thinking... what's next after that? Am I just gonna be me with a flat male looking chest, or am I gonna want to go more into it? (As in taking testosterone.) because I also catch myself dreaming about the day I'm old enough to take it. But does that mean I'm trans then? Because, I do like the idea of looking like a woman... But I also don't at all at the same time. I only like the idea od looking like a girl, I guess. Like a young girl. (Because I grew up as a little young girl who wore dresses and bows and did sweet things, I just feel most comfortable being a girl that way, related to my childhood. I don't like the idea of being a girl grown up getting a job, a relationship, a LIFE, ETC.) It's really confusing. And, my mom got nervous when I brought up top surgery though (and she 100% supports me though) because she was worried I would regret it when I do feel like a woman again. And I think that even if I do feel like a woman again one day, I can just be a woman with a flat chest ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯. But also, for the first time maybe ever in my life, I've started to get insecure over my weight. I think that when I was identifying/presenting myself as a woman, I just accepted that I was a bit big, because I was curvy and women are curvy sometimes and that was it. I've always been a little insecure over it, but I've also always been very scared to lose weight, because I'm scared that it'll go out of control and I'd get an eating disorder or something. Which is probably just a really weird thought, but I worry about alot of weird things. Anyways, I think the reason it's really bothering me now is because I want to look like a man. Not a big curvy woman with boobs and hips and love handles and a butt, I want to be a fully flat man. I'm flat in the chest at least with my binder, but I feel disgusted whenever I have to see my hips or behind though. Not necessarily because they're big, but because I'm supposed to be a man. It makes me feel so dysphoric. I just don't understand what is going on with me. Am I just a heavily confused genderfluid person? Am I really just a girl?? Am I transgender, and I only liked being a girl when I was younger, but not as an adult??? Is that even a thing????? I just need advice, or opinions, or somebody to help out and tell me what labels this could be, or what is wrong with me, or something. Please. Thanks in advance, and I'm sorry for the very very long post.
TL;DR. I don't know if I am a transgender male, or just a really confused genderfluid person.

Just warning y'all, this is gonna be really long... I'm trying to give as much context as I can for better understanding. And another warning, I mention some things about weight and feeling insecure about it. Not anything too bad, but just so you know. Anyways. I'm AFAB, and I've used the label genderfluid since 2019, but now as I'm getting older and allowing myself to explore my gender identity without feeling ashamed, I don't know if I'm really genderfluid, or transgender, or what. I just would like to know what label this sounds like to y'all? And I KNOW I don't Have to use a label, I just want to know or get some other peoples thoughts on it, because I'm really confused and don't know what is really going on with me. So basically, I've been identifying as a woman for a long time, since it's my assigned gender at birth. But in 2019, I really just learned about LGBTQ and all of the labels and meanings, and I found that Genderfluid fit me best. That some days I felt like a boy, some days I felt like a girl, some days I felt like neither, or both, whatever. But I think I kinda forgot about it, and I just identified as a woman again. And then in 2020, I thought I might be trans, as I wanted to be everything male. I wanted to dress that way, look that way, have a different name and haircut and pronouns and all of that. And I was ALOT happier that way, and I felt more comfortable, but also not at the same time because of my chest. I've wanted a binder for a VERY long time, and I didn't have one till just THIS year, and so whenever I dressed how I wanted to in 2020, I just looked like a guy with a big bust and it repulsed me, so I really just tried to be male online with my friends mostly? Since I didn't look like one in real life, I felt like I was embarrassing myself, y'know? :( And in 2021, I just went by agender, because I didn't feel like being anything. But also that year, I was really depressed, so I think maybe I just didn't wanna have to stress about my gender too. Anyways, in 2023 I went into a relationship with somebody, and I was identifying as a woman at that point, so I kinda subconsciously hyperfeminized myself so I could be their "perfect" girlfriend, even though they didn't want me to do that. I kinda tried way too hard that year 💀 We broke up in November that year, and after that, I've been exploring my gender again. I realized there wasn't really a need to be so feminine, and I started to like Harry Potter for the first time! My favorite character was Ron Weasley, and I started to really like his character, and the actor himself. I really admired the way he dressed when he was younger, and at that point, I decided that I should start dressing the way I REALLY want to. So I got the money for new clothes, AND A BINDER! And I finally got to dress the way I've wanted for so long, and I was so happy. It was the happiest and best I've ever felt and looked in so long. I felt just like a boy. But, I also felt dysphoric for the first time in a while, because I had my long dark brown hair still. I didn't feel like I really looked like a boy enough because of it. And I debated cutting my hair, but I thought I was just really liking that Rupert Grint guy too much, and I only was acting that way because of him. Sometimes I really like a character or celebrity and I kind of accidentally subconsciously take on some things that they do, and the way they dress. But I eventually completely stopped liking Harry Potter, and I still wanted that haircut, so I did it. And I really tried to give myself a gender neutral/androgynous haircut, so if I felt like a girl again, I wouldn't regret the haircut. I had that haircut, and I dressed the way I wanted to, and I felt incredible. It's the most confident I've ever felt in my life, but then my hair started to grow out, and I looked more girly again, and I couldn't take it. So I had another haircut, this time inspired by Chino Moreno, the lead singer of my favorite band ever, Deftones. I got hairgel, and now I go out with my spiked hair, baggy jeans with boxers showing, baggy band shirt, my sneakers, and a ton of bracelets and cuffs. This is JUST how I have ALWAYS wanted to dress. I feel like a boy, and I'm so happy. But now I'm really getting to the point now, that's all of the context I had to say first. I've recently caught myself thinking "I can't wait to get top surgery one day." Which, I am DEFINITELY doing. But then I started thinking... what's next after that? Am I just gonna be me with a flat male looking chest, or am I gonna want to go more into it? (As in taking testosterone.) because I also catch myself dreaming about the day I'm old enough to take it. But does that mean I'm trans then? Because, I do like the idea of looking like a woman... But I also don't at all at the same time. I only like the idea od looking like a girl, I guess. Like a young girl. (Because I grew up as a little young girl who wore dresses and bows and did sweet things, I just feel most comfortable being a girl that way, related to my childhood. I don't like the idea of being a girl grown up getting a job, a relationship, a LIFE, ETC.) It's really confusing. And, my mom got nervous when I brought up top surgery though (and she 100% supports me though) because she was worried I would regret it when I do feel like a woman again. And I think that even if I do feel like a woman again one day, I can just be a woman with a flat chest ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯. But also, for the first time maybe ever in my life, I've started to get insecure over my weight. I think that when I was identifying/presenting myself as a woman, I just accepted that I was a bit big, because I was curvy and women are curvy sometimes and that was it. I've always been a little insecure over it, but I've also always been very scared to lose weight, because I'm scared that it'll go out of control and I'd get an eating disorder or something. Which is probably just a really weird thought, but I worry about alot of weird things. Anyways, I think the reason it's really bothering me now is because I want to look like a man. Not a big curvy woman with boobs and hips and love handles and a butt, I want to be a fully flat man. I'm flat in the chest at least with my binder, but I feel disgusted whenever I have to see my hips or behind though. Not necessarily because they're big, but because I'm supposed to be a man. It makes me feel so dysphoric. I just don't understand what is going on with me. Am I just a heavily confused genderfluid person? Am I really just a girl?? Am I transgender, and I only liked being a girl when I was younger, but not as an adult??? Is that even a thing????? I just need advice, or opinions, or somebody to help out and tell me what labels this could be, or what is wrong with me, or something. Please. Thanks in advance, and I'm sorry for the very very long post.
TL;DR. I don't know if I am a transgender male, or just a really confused genderfluid person.

I kind of liked that Peter just works at The Dot in season 10, almost as an extra that you recognize, although they could have done a better job of showing him and Sav are still friends (or maybe they just grew apart for awhile because Sav was still in hs).
I wish they did that with other former main characters to show that they still exist outside of Degrassi after they leave, without making it a big plot point or anything.
We know for sure that Spinner and Emma are townies after they are married, it would be neat to see a scene happening with the season 10-12 cast that they never met and they are in the background shopping or walking by.
Someone has car trouble and they take it to a mechanic and it’s Jay just doing his job like they are any other customer.
Someone gets a haircut and it’s at the salon Spike works at, not knowing she is married to Snake or that Emma is her daughter.
Show Derek selling drugs on a street corner.
Kind of a meta way of showing that you think you’re the main character in hs but you’re just another person in the real world.

CW Domestic Abuse, graphic violence
Laurens' stomach seemed to flip and jolt with every bump of the road heading to the motel outside of town just past the main supermarket. Tears ran down her face. The car seemed to fishtail a little as she pulled in. There were several problems with her marriage. Namely that he had a tendency to hit her and accuse her of cheating on him, the most current problem was that he was cheating on her in a motel where everyone they knew could see. Lauren wasn’t thinking clearly as she banged on the door, she knew right away which one it would be, she could hear his voice coming out from it.
“OPEN UP!” She screamed as she pounded on the door. Lauren could feel the general sensation of her hand resisting the door. It would more than likely hurt at some point when she came off the adrenaline.
Then, the door did open. Daniel Anderson took up most of the frame and he was angry. Lauren could hear the other girl screaming inside but couldn’t seem to make out what she was saying. Her heart stopped as she looked into Daniels face. He was Angry. The kind of angry that meant he was going to hurt her, whether anyone could see it or not. Lauren backed up from the door to avoid being pulled in the room but Daniel followed her out.
“What are you doing here?” Daniel asked, his voice was even and low.
“I got 3 calls about you being here with some whore.” Lauren retorted. She had started edging towards her car at this point, seemingly just now realizing she had made a mistake in coming here. Her heart seemed to stop altogether as he reached for her.
Lauren ducked but he caught her by her hair, winding the strands in between his fingers and yanking her face so that her ear was next to her mouth.
“What did you call her?” He whispered through clenched teeth. Lauren remained mute at this point. She felt her heart speed up and she tried to figure out how to get out of this. He’d never hit her in public. If she could remind him where they were… “I asked you a question Bitch.
If Lauren had thought about answering at that point, she wasn’t given much of a chance. He swung her head up and then forward, the momentum knocking her to the ground. Then he kicked her, pain blossomed through her midsection stunning her and she had trouble catching her breath. His hands came back down and he began throwing her face into the bumper of his bright red truck. After a minute he threw her face in a different direction and she could taste gravel.
“Apologize.” Daniel said in a warning voice. Lauren tried to stand but he mimicked grabbing at her and she shrunk back. “Apologize to her for calling her a whore.”
Lauren said nothing, somewhat in shock and mostly in pain. She could taste blood and felt it running down her face. This time he did grab her by the arm and yanked her up in one movement.
“I Said. Apologize. “ his words were clear.
Lauren did. Stuttering out an I’m sorry in the other woman’s direction.
“You best be home when I get back.” With that Daniel turned around and went back in the room.
Lauren assessed her options but she couldn’t seem to think. She reached into her car and pulled out her purse and started walking. She couldn’t see out of one eye hardly at all and her head hurt in the back. Lauren knew that he had pulled out a significant amount of hair. She thought she recalled some sharp pain as her face was pulled back from the bumper but she couldn’t remember what had happened in any sort of order.
It was at least 2 miles to her friend’s house. Lauren knocked on the door and when Natalie opened the door Lauren pushed her way in. Natalie hissed as she looked at Lauren.
“What the fuck happened?” Natalie gingerly touched her eye, or at least Laurent thought it was the area heer eye should be in. She hadn’t realized how numb she’d been getting here until she wasn’t numb anymore and the throbbing started up. Todd, Natalie’s husband came from the bedrooms and audibly gasped as well. Lauren headed for the hair salon in the back as Natalie whispered to Todd.
Natalie found Lauren in the salon, lights on and sitting in the chair.
“I’ve got enough here for a haircut but I’ll have to get back to you on the last minute/middle of the night fee. I need it all chopped off if you would. I know he ripped a bit in the back so it’s uneven anyway. Honestly it’s irresponsible to keep my hair this long anyway,do people still do that Kate plus Eight hair? The may I speak to your manager hair?” Lauren had trouble forming the words but she kept going hoping that Natalie understood her. She purposefully faced away from the mirror.
“I can cut your hair for sure. Wouldn’t you rather go to a hospital?” Natalie asked carefully playing with Lauren’s hair. Lauren shookher head quickly and immediately regretted it. Todd came in the room with an ice pack and a washcloth. Natalie filled up a bowl of water and started carefully patting away dried blood and finding the actual cuts. There was water and ibuprofen with a few tylenol mixed in, Lauren had trouble with it.
Natalie cut her hair silently. Working around one spot and then going back to it before announcing that it was as good as it was going to get there until the massive cut healed.
“You want to stay here tonight babe?” Natalie asked as she once more took to wiping her face from the still open cuts.
“No I couldn't do that to you, he told me to go home and when he finds that I’m not there… I left my car at the motel. '' Lauren knew on some level she had and knew there had been a reason, but now that the adrenaline was amping down and quickly she had no idea what she was going to do now.
“The motel?”
“Yeah, he met that girl..that one… Beth, that’s her name. They were up there and I had 3 people call me to tell me his truck was there. I just lost it and drove up there. I didn’t expect this to happen. I figured he’d be caught and apologetic.”
“That fucking bitch, I know her. She has no shame. Anyone gives her a little attention and she thinks they’re married. Tells everyone about it. She smells to high heaven too.” Natalie said incensed.
“Well I got up there and confronted him and he did this until I apologi-apolo-. “ Lauren felt sick suddenly and didn’t bother to finish. It hurt more to talk anyway.
“Why don’t you kick him out? It’s your house, the bills are in your name, you survived years without him before so it’s not like you need to worry about money. Serve him with eviction papers and go hide out somewhere until the month is up. Then bar him from the house.”
“I can’t afford a vacation and last time I tried to kick him out, it didn’t go well.I’ve got nothing in savings or otherwise. I can’t stay with anyone because he’ll come find me and hurt someone else in the process. My kids are already going to be pissed about this and if I disappear it's them he’ll hassle.I can’t afford the medical bills if I go in for this and I can’t afford the next beating if I don’t go home and get there before he does. Plus he knows exactly where I work.”
“You aren’t going to have a job if you're dead and he’s going to kill you.. At this point we’re just waiting for when. I can help you. I can loan you money, Fuck, I’ll just give you the god damn money. “
“We both know you don’t have any more than I do. “ Lauren said leaning back
“Well, you aren’t going home tonight, call your kids and warn them that he’ll be calling and to get a police car out there or something. I’ll call Lottie and explain that you are taking a few days off, and you most certainly are taking a few days off ma’am. You can’t go in looking like that, Lottie’ll kick you back out as soon as you show up. I know where you can go for now.”
Lauren went out back, wincing as she lit up a cigarette and took a few good drags before calling her oldest daughter and explaining that Daniel was going to be angry and to be on the lookout and if she could please call her siblings because she just did not have the energy tonight. Lauren promised to go to the hospital, figuring she’d end up going at some point and assured her daughter that she would be fine. After hanging up Todd got her attention at the edge of the yard and gestured toward the car. Lauren got up and limped over to it to climb in and wondering why the actual fuck she had worn flip flops tonight for this. .
It was a long drive out of town and into the mountains. Lauren apologized profusely every time she looked at the car clock. Todd waved his hand dismissively and handed her a fresh ice pack.
“We’re going to see my cousin, he lives up in the woods doing work for the park. He’s pretty far out there and doesn’t come into town much so Daniel won’t know about him. I’d turn your phone off as a precaution though. GPS trackers and whatnot.”
Lauren had already turned her phone off and felt herself dozing off. Unsure of how long she had slept she was awoken by the car stopping. Todd told her to wait where she was while he talked to his cousin. Lauren wondered what she was going to do if this guy didn’t let her stay here tonight. A few minutes later Todd was back and helping her hobble inside. The other man looked like he’d been woken up. He looked Lauren up and down and then waved Todd away. Todd slumped his shoulders and walked back to the car.
“I’m Eric, you’ll get my room. I’ve got some shirts on the bed to sleep in. The dog might insist on laying with you don’t mind dogs too much. I’ll be right out here on the couch if you need anything, bathroom is over here. I can get you a water and some more ibuprofen.” Eric seemed nice. Lauren worried that Daniel would find her out here with another man and finish what he started at the motel. The motel that seemed to be eons ago. Lauren felt her knees start to buckle and she swayed. Eric grabbed her and helped to the bed. Lauren rolled over and managed to get under the blankets before passing out.
Lauren came to hazily and found that the man here was in the room, he seemed taller as in a lot taller.
“I just want to touch you.” Eric slurred out. He swayed awkwardly and seemed to float to the bed, his hands grabbed at her. Lauren was frozen and then noticed to her horror that her husband was right behind him. Daniel came around to the other side of the bed smiling as if he’d known all along that she would be here. Lauren pulled her legs back and tried to scoot back into the headboard as the men got on the bed and started pulling her legs apart and shoving their palms into her collarbone to push her back. Lauren cried out screaming at them to stop as they started biting at her hips and inner thighs. Then they were laughing as they bit into her and pulled her skin off. Eric moved his mouth to her face and bit into her forehead and that set off fireworks of pain through her head.
Lauren awoke gasping and throwing her hands up defensively. Grey light filtered into the room through the blinds and Lauren was soaked in sweat. Her head most definitely did hurt. Badly. The memory of the men all over her made her sick and she jumped out of the bed and scrambled to the hallway towards where she thought the bathroom would be. She tried to grab at her hair to hold it out of the way only to come up short. It was cut. By the time she had finished throwing up and was leaning over the toilet trying to regain her breath, Eric had appeared wiping sleep out of his eyes. Lauren was slightly relieved to see him at his normal size although she shrunk from his touch when he reached out to steady her. He put his hands up to show that he was backing off.
“Hungry? I can make you something to eat to take some painkillers with so you don’t get so sick again. I’m going to run you into town when you think you’re ready. We can go to the ER if you’d like or maybe the prompt care? But you will have to go in. Looks like you broke your face.” Eric spoke slowly to her, keeping his hands where she could see them. Lauren just nodded at him dumbly. Which sent a new wave of agony through her body and she started to crumble. Eric reached carefully and steadied her with as little physical contact as possible. He led her to the couch and got her sat down, bringing her toast and ibuprofen with water.
Lauren tried to relax into the pain until the ibuprofen kicked in. She tried to disappear into herself, she counted by 13s. Finally after what seemed like forever, the painkillers kicked in taking a very large edge off of her pain. She let out a very audible moan as the pain abated ever so slightly. Her shoulders dropped.
“If we’re going into town and avoiding your husband maybe you should wear some different clothes? I’ve got some guy clothes that will fit you ok.” Eric said, handing her folded jeans and a shirt. Lauren just took them and went into the room to change. Mens jeans seemed to change her entire body shape and she did feel a little safer. Lauren had no idea what she was going to do when it came down to it. She was serious last night about not knowing how to leave him. It wasn’t that she didn’t want to, she had tried once before to end things, he called his son over to help him carry his stuff out and then when his son arrived he had held Lauren still while Daniel beat the shit out of her stomach and explained that he wasn’t leaving. Lauren needed her job, the house was paid off, she had gotten it in the divorce and had worked hard to pay it up over the years, but there were other bills and taxes and at some point Lauren wanted to retire long enough to enjoy it.
The car ride to town was nerve wracking. Lauren had used Eric’s phone to call ahead to the doctors office and let them know she would be there and that she would like to be brought back as soon as possible. Lauren waited until they were back in town to turn her phone back on. It powered up and looked fine until the phone started registering the texts and voicemails that had been coming in since last night. Once upon a time Daniel had reacted very negatively to her not responding to his message fast enough so Lauren had eventually set his ringer as an alarm so she knew right away to pick her phone up. Eric’s car sounded like a national disaster was going on. Lauren thought about throwing it out the window as her panic started to grow. Eric grabbed it from her and shoved it under his leg muffling the sound slightly.
“Sorry.” Lauren mumbled. Eric shrugged and didn’t look at her, instead keeping his eyes on the road. “I need to stop at the courthouse first to fill out paperwork for an order of protection and get it filed. Then the doctor's office. That way if he figures out where I am they’re already ready for me. “
Lauren checked her phone for any messages not from Daniel and responded to any that needed it and then she turned it back off as they pulled up to the courthouse. Eric handed her his ball cap to hide her face and they casually walked in together. The security guard stopped her and she lifted her hat and faced him head on. He winced and gave her the floor she needed.
“I still haven’t looked, how bad is it?” Lauren asked as they waited for the elevator.
“It’s pretty bad. But it’s your face and it’s probably mostly swelling. “ Eric said without looking at her.
Lauren knew the clerk and judging by the look on her face she ought to hurry to the doctor’s office.
The doctor’s office was it’s own sort of hell. First, the receptionist didn’t want to send her straight back before the nurse came out. Second, Lauren had been in town long enough that she was paranoid every time someone walked in, which she felt she wouldn’t be if they had sent her back like they had discussed. By the time Odette the nurse came out Lauren was wired and Eric had to calm her down just to get her to walk back to the room.
The doctor came in and looked at her and sighed.
“He really got you this time.” Dr. Livingston said, checking the chart.
“I need pictures to add to the rest, I’ve started the proceedings for an OOP and I’d like to bring in all the pictures.”
“I’m glad to hear that. I’ll have Etta come in with the camera and give you copies to take with you so if they’re lost somehow you can get more from us. Then I’ll do an exam. Does he know where you are?”
“I’m not sure,Eric here has been driving me around and playing my bodyguard. I’d like to move as quickly as possible. I want to be out of town when he catches wind of the OOP.”
“I’ll have them let me know if he shows up.’
The pictures were as intrusive as ever. Etta smiled sympathetically as she helped Lauren tilt her head in different directions to catch every angle. After the pictures Dr. Livingston did a thorough exam and had an XRay done. Prescribed decent painkillers and did a few stitches on her forehead and somewhere in the back that Lauren hadn’t realized was cut up.
Daniel did show up so Eric and Lauren took off out the back and left, the office kept him busy and promised to give her a call as soon as he left. Eric dropped her off a block from her house to grab her things. Her truck was in the driveway. Lauren walked past it and into the house. Though she hadn’t checked the messages she had assumed that the house would be trashed from one of his fits but it wasn’t. She grabbed a few loose outfits and makeup. Glasses and medicine and a charger for a phone she was afraid to turn on. The office called to let her know he had left 2 minutes before. Her chest began to beat erratically. She couldn’t breathe.
“Notsafenotsafenotsafe.” She said to herself repeatedly to get her moving. She remembered to grab socks and real shoes, she even took extra time to get them on. The plan was to meet Eric 2 streets from the backyard in hopes of avoiding Daniel or someone that knew them and might tell Daniel who she had left with. Lauren locked the back door as she slipped out and was stopped by the next door woman who was entirely too nosey and judgemental. Grace had decided she didn’t like Lauren 20 some odd years ago when Grace had moved in. Daniel on the other hand, well she seemed to adore him. Daniel came over and mowed her yard for free and fixed her broken what the fuck ever was broken that day. Lauren knew for a fact that Grace fed Daniel information whether it was true or just some idea that Grace had gotten through her head.
“Well, what happened? Where are you headed then?” Grace asked quickly, trying to engage Lauren.
“Just a tumble and off to check something for The Jakobi's across the yard. See you later Grace.” Lauren kept walking trying to smile pleasantly.
“Oh wait, I need you to ask Danny to do something for me!” Grace hollered after Lauren, Lauren responded by running faster. Daniel’s truck roared around the corner so Lauren decided to take a different route that would involve going through the woods and meeting Eric somewhere else.
Adrenaline poured through Lauren and she put her all into it until she came out a mile up by the gas station. Lauren went inside and borrowed the landline there to call Eric to meet her at the trail head a little further on. She also bought an energy drink and chugged it before leaving. The rush made her eyes feel like they were going to pop out of her head and she laughed before running back into the woods. She imagined she must look like a mess with the backpack on and her short hair sticking everywhere with her eyes wild from the excess caffeine being chugged so quickly. Lauren kept herself going by imagining that she could hear his truck following her, that she could smell his cologne in the air behind her. Before she could stop herself she was hearing her footsteps and feeling the sensation of her head being pulled back and back into the bumper.
BAM bam BAM bam BAM bam BAM bam BAM bam BAM bam. By the time she had exploded off the trail and into the poorly kept parking lot she had completely forgotten what she was doing.
Lauren dropped her hands on her knees and panted heavily. It was Todd who threw his hands around her waist and held her steady. Lauren surprised herself by screaming and slapping at him before Todd could get her to come out of her stupor. Sobbing, she fell into his chest and bawled. She started crying about the day and then it was the day before and then the year and then her entire marriage and then it was the time her youngest daughter came home from her dad’s early and accused her of always being drunk and looking at her disgustedly. Then it was the divorce and the time she let their older daughter wear lipstick and her ex husband had smacked her in front of them and announced that Lauren was not in fact, the deciding parent on the rules in the house.
It was a very long time before Lauren was done crying. Her face hurt dully in the area that had been so intimate with the bumper, snot covered her cheeks and mouth from the futile wiping it with her sleeves. Her good eye was now also swollen and she could barely see through it now. She fell to her knees and then collapsed the rest of the way to the ground so that getting up was difficult because of how stiff she was now from the odd position. Lauren hobbled with Todd holding her upright to his truck. He went ahead and lifted her up into the seat and helped her buckle. Lauren was too tired to swat his hand away and do it herself. She just relaxed her body back in the seat and let herself try to doze.
They hit the dirt road leading to Eric’s house which woke her up again. She could see more out of her good eye and finally flipped the visor down and braced herself for the reflection she had been avoiding.
Half of her face was a mix of purple and blue, someone had said something about her cheekbone on the right being fractured a little, hey right eyebrow was not only swollen but split in the corner and a small stitch held it. Her right eye was a mix of colors and swollen shut, bruises ran down her jawline and she could see why Dr. Livingston had recommended admitting her to the hospital, Lauren herself might’ve considered it if she hadn't been terrified it would’ve made it easier for Daniel to find her and kill her. Lauren fingered her hair that was cut close to her head and tried to smooth some of the longer strands that had indeed started to poke out at different directions. The left side of her face red and blotchy from crying and it occurred to Lauren that she looked like a very fat bloated version of herself and for some reason it struck her as hysterical and she began to laugh until her stomach hurt and she was doubled over howling with laughter. Todd glanced at her and then the road, flipping back and forth between the road and Lauren. Lauren who had gone from a deep sadness to a manic laughter within a short period of time.
By the time they pulled up to Eric’s, Lauren was still laughing but had calmed a little. Todd patted her thigh and told her to stay put. To go warn Eric she presumed. When he came back he carried her from the car to the bed and Eric stood waiting with pills and water and more toast. Lauren did some concentrated breathing until she could swallow them without choking. The pills seemed to kick in immediately. Her face numbed much more than the ibuprofen had managed earlier. As her mind started to fade in and out Eric told her he had purchased her a new phone and had put her old numbers into her new phone in town and tossed the old phone.
A week later Lauren returned from town at the hearing where Daniel was served with a permanent Order Of Protection good for a year. While her face was still pretty fucked up, she was able to see out of both eyes now. The judge had seen her face and granted the order. Daniel had been arrested and would be held for awhile but she had stayed with Eric for a few more days so he could keep an eye on her mental state. Lauren was having trouble returning to her home, she had been placed on a sort of leave at work, Lauren was unsure if they could legally do that after a domestic assault but she wasn’t in the mindset to argue so she just gave up.
“You think you’re safe to go home tomorrow? “ Eric asked Lauren as they set up a fire outside.
“I think so. I don’t know if I really want to stay there anymore.” Lauren admitted. She stacked some more wood off to the side so they wouldn’t have to get back up as often.
“I have a friend who owns some cabins in the woods, he rents them out. There’s 12 or so I think, anyway he recently lost his caretaker and has been looking for someone who can stay up there year round and clean the cabins and handle the rentals. It pays well, obviously you have your own cabin to live in.” Eric passed her a joint that Lauren accepted.
“I’ll think about it.” Lauren said before breathing in and relaxing back into her camping chair and drifting away.
Lauren finished setting the table with her son, Greyson. Her daughters Cora and Audrey, were supposed to be here soon. Liam, Greyson’s 5 month old wailed from the living room and Lauren waved at Greyson to let her go tend to him. Lauren picked up the wailing baby and put her nose on top of his head, remembering the newborn smell. Her youngest was Audrey and she was 23. Liam settled as soon as he was picked up. Lauren thought of how much she was going to miss her grandkids. She lifted him up so she could blow on his baby tummy and he squealed with delight.
“I think the girls are pulling in now.” Greyson said coming in with a bottle. Liam caught sight of Daddy and his bottle and flailed toward them. Lauren handed her grandson to her own son and kissed his forehead.
“I am so proud of you. I don’t think I know any single dads who have their kids full time.” Lauren brushed Greysons hair from his forehead and smiled.
The girls came in, Audrey carrying Cora’s 3 year old son and then Cora behind her dragging an 8 year old girl whose eyes were locked on a tablet screen.
“Diana Renee, turn it off for a few minutes and walk. Jesus. You’re going to trip, say hi to grandma.” Cora said in a surly tone looking exhausted. Her face looked rounder and Lauren had a feeling Cora was pregnant again. She had the look and Lauren felt a pang that she wasn’t going to be around this time, and that she had already missed quite a bit of time. It hadn’t taken any of the kids long to catch onto Daniel being controlling and possessive and even though Lauren had argued for her kids being over every Sunday the children on their own had slowly found excuses to quit coming around the house.Not that Audrey had needed much push. For whatever reason Audrey and Lauren had never seen eye to eye. Lauren blamed her father but it was more than that too, a drive to be independent. Diana and Clayton hugged Lauren fiercely and she sat on the floor with them crawling on her while they told her anything interesting they could think of. The bruises on Lauren’s face had faded quite a bit but the kids kept looking at them without saying anything, biting their lips. Lauren assumed Cora had instructed them not to ask. Lauren had purposely waited to bring her kids over to make her announcement until her face looked better and wouldn’t scare anyone. After a while the kids ran out into the backyard to play.
“So is he really gone?” Audrey asked as the sliding door closed. Lauren sighed pretending not to notice the tone in her voice.
“Yes. He was arrested. The pictures I had taken at the doctor’s office helped. I know you guys weren’t impressed he was here as long as he was but I was working on it. “ That of course was a lie. She had snuck off to the doctors after he had beaten her and had it documented so that they would have a suspect if he killed her but the kids didn’t need to know that. At least this way they seemed to retain a little respect for their flakey mom who brought the evil villain into their lives.
“I’m just glad you’re safe mom. We were worried. Especially after you called me that night.” Cora said rocking Liam who was starting to doze off after his bottle.
“That’s why I called you guys over actually. After that happened I did some thinking. It’s just me in this big house and after everything that happened I decided to sell the house and move. I took a job the next state over up in the mountains. I’m a caretaker for cabins that get rented out to hunters and families, I’ll be living there.” Lauren smiled and started passing a brochure for the company and the area to each of her children.
“What the fuck mom? You can’t move, or at the very least you can’t sell the house. We grew up here.” Audrey said loudly, tears forming already. Lauren remembered the time her friends had all gone out for a girls weekend and Greyson had spiked a fever and Lauren had to stay home to take care of him, how suffocating it had felt to be their mother and have no life of her own. But the kids were in their twenties now, not little. They didn’t need her the same way.
“Eventually Daniel will be released and I would like to be gone when he is. I would like to live somewhere that I can make new, happier memories. You guys don’t need me as much and I’m only an hour away. I can still take grand kids when you need me and I’m not so far that I can’t come over for lunch. Plus I can offer you guys a pretty good discount in the off season. Imagine Christmas in the mountains and everyone has their own cabin to stay in instead of arguing over a bedroom.” Lauren said, hoping no one would note that it had been a very long time since anyone had spent the night here and they’d never really fought over space.
“I think it’s a good idea mom. We’ll miss the house but you’re right.” Cora said glaring at her sister. “You deserve to move forward.”
“I can help you move up there. Are you taking your furniture or is the furniture provided already? Is it safe up there? Who will come check on you? I don’t want something to happen to you and you’re stranded out there for days with no help. “ Greyson asked, looking concerned.
“I’m not sure, we can set up a system so you know I’m ok.” Lauren said pleased with her son’s concern. “As far as furniture, you guys can pick anything you want, I’m selling the rest. I’ll keep some of the dishes and my baking stuff. Plus the photograph albums, I’ll get rid of everything else.”
“Does Dad know?” Autumn asked accusingly.
“I haven’t told him, it’s really not any of his business. Nothing in this house belongs to him and his name hasn’t been on the house in at least 15 years.”
“This is our house too.” Audrey argued
“No it really isn’t anymore. You haven’t lived here in at least 5 years.”
“Audrey, chill, it’s not that big of a deal.” Cora warned. Lauren began to feel she was missing something.
“Well, you could rent it out to someone instead of getting rid of it. You could always use the extra income.” Audrey argued, looking around at everyone.
“I’d make a lot more money selling the house than I would renting it out. If there were a repair to be made I don’t want to be responsible. I’m too old to deal with all of that.” Lauren waved her hand around the house gesturing at the idea of all the work there would need to be done. “Besides someone has already made an offer, I’m fairly certain I’m going to accept it.”
“You can’t do that!”
“Yes, she can. Knock it off. She doesn’t want to live here all alone.” Greyson retorted.
The 3 of them argued together at each other and Lauren sank back into her recliner helplessly. A thought occurred to her.
“Audrey are you angry you’re losing a piece of your childhood or a piece of your inheritance?” Lauren asked icily. Audrey’s face turned red and Cora looked at the window desperate not to make eye contact. Greyson grabbed Liam and started fussing over him.”Ah. I see, and you all 3 have discussed it.”
“No, not exactly like that. Dad had a scare 2 years ago and he was faced with being put in a home for awhile. We didn’t know how he was going to pay for it, we talked about selling his house and that was sort of how it came up, renting instead of selling I mean.” Greyson muttered.
“Not to keep it until he died so the money or the house went to us, but to protect him. We naturally discussed you as well and different scenarios. Then when we started to really worry Daniel was going to kill you, we were worried about him taking possession of the house and everything in it.” Cora explained a little more. “Obviously all THREE of us want you to do what makes you feel the happiest and safest.”
Audrey stared at the wall.
“I have a lot of happy memories here of all 3 of you. I brought you all home from the hospital through that door. I nursed you all back to health when you were sick and sang you lullabies in this room. I listened to you talk about your days in the kitchen, and when your dad moved out we all sat in my room with the big TV and watched movies all day because he wasn’t here to tell us it was wrong. I potty trained you all in the bathrooms here. I taught you to walk and speak here.” Lauren wiped at her eyes remembering them running through. “But over there in that corner was where your dad smacked me because I told Cora she could wear lipstick. And I was standing on the stairs when he came out of the bedroom with his suitcase in hand, telling me he was leaving. It was in the kitchen where I got the call that my mother died. That was the door frame Daniel's son leaned against as he held me up while Daniel pummeled my midsection until I decided that I didn’t want him to move out after all. I just want to start over. I’m allowed to do that. I gave my entire life to raise you guys and no one worked harder than me to keep us afloat. My time is now and I’m taking it. “

That sounds terrible but hear me out. This is going to be long so thank you in advance if you read all of this. In 2018 i began dating with a girl, lets just call her O. We were very young at that time ofc. Our relationship lasted 5,5 years. We've been through our ups and a truck of downs. In the first year i started to have very subconscious feelings indicating that i may not love her at all. These feelings spiked when we were arguing on daily basis... She could argue just about everyday over the smallest things we wouldn't remember the next day. Everything was always just about her feelings etc. This at about 2,5 year mark of that relationship led to a daily chain of arguments in which she was telling me that she was breaking up with me. One time i took it seriously and told her that I'm okay with that. We weren't together for maybe three months during which we had contact, which led to her begging me to go back to her starting from the next day. I've never felt better than during that period of time. This begging of her led me to going back to her just to have some peace. That whole situation changed my whole mindset. Some time after that i started to feel so much hate and irritation towards her person that during these thoughts i could feel chills going down my spine. Meeting her was a chore and i very rarely felt good around her. She was a tragic mental and energy vampire (idk if this is the right term, English isn't my native language) The arguing never stopped which made me have worse feelings about her and that fueled the arguments. I couldn't talk to her about that because i'm entirely sure she would just make it all my fault and not have a single self-criticizing thoughts. All of that led me to text my old girl friend 21F, lets call her S. I talked to her about the fact that i want to break up with O because i was just completely exhausted at this point. She was fully objective and didn't a single time tell me anything that made me think more about breaking up. I'm grateful she was just a listener. After some time i broke up. I've seen all the pain i caused her and how much grief she felt because of the amount of actual pure unconditional love she had towards me, but i pushed through. My life immediately felt better. I started hanging out with S and just in general enjoy life. Then came my now girl friend 19F. Let's call her H. She is my childhood friend living 2 minutes from me and was friends with O during the breakup but O completely trashed her because of me breaking up with her, (very long story). I started hanging out with S and H and life never felt better. I felt cleansed and free. O was a massive pessimist which i started to acknowledge after the breakup when i finally felt good about myself and my life. I texted O about two months after a breakup because i just wanted to check on her and how she felt. She was just angry, which wasn't a surprise, and cut the texting and i went on with my life. I guess i just wanted to talk and see if she had just a little of self-criticism about the whole situation. Everything was amazing until about four months after the breakup i heard that she found someone. I heard that in the morning and went to school. Before classes i had a weird gut feeling which led me to go back home. I texted her again to ask her if we could talk. She replied "I don't want to. I live a different life right now. I'm happy with someone else. Let's end it" and i responded, stupidly, "Thank you for your honesty, I miss you, have a peaceful life". I then had my first ever panic attack, i vomited and was shaking like a sine wave. I didn't and still don't know why i felt that way. From that day onwards there wasn't a single day in which i didn't think about her. For about a week i was nauseous and my heart rate was constantly through the roof. I set up my tinder and went on a single date which just made me realize that it wasn't for me. I decided to focus on myself fully and i started going out with my now amazing group of friends, started a hobby of producing music, changed haircut etc. I met a girl at the gym which is now my girlfriend ,lets call her A, for about a month. I feel that I'm starting to love her and no one ever was as amazing towards me as she is. I now overall feel amazing about my life. But there's a problem I'm facing. I think about O everyday. Not romantically at all but i often have a physical feeling of nostalgia. I stalk her and her new guy's socials every now and then like it's some sort of dopamine injection. I'd never in a million years go back to her, but i feel somewhere deep down that I'd like to have a conversation with her. Not sure what for. Maybe I'm hoping to see any change of her behavior? Maybe it hurts my narcissist side that she didn't chase me this time? Maybe i wanted to be with her when i broke up but i just needed a lot of space from her? Maybe I'll never know actually. My friends helped me realize just how terrible of a person she was to me and towards just about everyone, which helped me feel better A LOT. I don't know why i feel so much of a nostalgia that it becomes a physical feeling. I am scared that one day that feeling might in some kind of way damage my relationship with A. She's an amazing person and i could never wish for more. How do i even get on with these feelings? --------------------------------------------[For those who might curious about O (i am, and it's worrying) : She had a rough childhood which lead her to have huge mental problems which caused her to be a tragic narcissist when it comes to feelings. Everybody's telling me she was gaslighting me at all times and overall i now know it was an abusive relationship.
There was one situation which H told me about. My dad is friends with H's dad. They were talking when H's dad asked mine why is he so upset and he told him "i just can't keep seeing how my son is feeling because of how O is treating him." That struck me and i think this info was a turning point in my mental life because never in my life i saw my dad show any kind of these emotions.
I heard the way she met her new guy was just after about 2 months after the breakup. She asked her brother to find her a guy, first guy he mentioned (and that he had a "nice car"), she went on a date with and the rest is ofc history. It might have just struck me because of the fact of how much she honestly loved me and how fast she just forgot about me.
She has an abusive alcoholic father which i had a physical fight with in actual self defense one time, and a 12yo sister which lives with them who saw it all. We had arguments about the fact that we need to spend more time at their place so that the little girl is safer. I heard that from the time she met that guy she is almost never home which just made me feel tragically sad because that girl was like a little sister to me...
One friend told me that he talked with O's brother and he told him that from her point of view, whole breakup was only because of my "child-like immaturity", which lead me more into thinking she is just inalterable.]-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

That sounds terrible but hear me out. This is going to be long so thank you in advance if you read all of this. In 2018 i began dating with a girl, lets just call her O. We were very young at that time ofc. Our relationship lasted 5,5 years. We've been through our ups and a truck of downs. In the first year i started to have very subconscious feelings indicating that i may not love her at all. These feelings spiked when we were arguing on daily basis... She could argue just about everyday over the smallest things we wouldn't remember the next day. Everything was always just about her feelings etc.
This at about 2,5 year mark of that relationship led to a daily chain of arguments in which she was telling me that she was breaking up with me. One time i took it seriously and told her that I'm okay with that. We weren't together for maybe three months during which we had contact, which led to her begging me to go back to her starting from the next day. I've never felt better than during that period of time. This begging of her led me to going back to her just to have some peace. That whole situation changed my whole mindset. Some time after that i started to feel so much hate and irritation towards her person that during these thoughts i could feel chills going down my spine. Meeting her was a chore and i very rarely felt good around her. She was a tragic mental and energy vampire (idk if this is the right term, English isn't my native language) The arguing never stopped which made me have worse feelings about her and that fueled the arguments. I couldn't talk to her about that because i'm entirely sure she would just make it all my fault and not have a single self-criticizing thoughts.
All of that led me to text my old girl friend 21F, lets call her S. I talked to her about the fact that i want to break up with O because i was just completely exhausted at this point. She was fully objective and didn't a single time tell me anything that made me think more about breaking up. I'm grateful she was just a listener. After some time i broke up. I've seen all the pain i caused her and how much grief she felt because of the amount of actual pure unconditional love she had towards me, but i pushed through.
My life immediately felt better. I started hanging out with S and just in general enjoy life. Then came my now girl friend 19F. Let's call her H. She is my childhood friend living 2 minutes from me and was friends with O during the breakup but O completely trashed her because of me breaking up with her, (very long story). I started hanging out with S and H and life never felt better. I felt cleansed and free. O was a massive pessimist which i started to acknowledge after the breakup when i finally felt good about myself and my life.
I texted O about two months after a breakup because i just wanted to check on her and how she felt. She was just angry, which wasn't a surprise, and cut the texting and i went on with my life. I guess i just wanted to talk and see if she had just a little of self-criticism about the whole situation.
Everything was amazing until about four months after the breakup i heard that she found someone. I heard that in the morning and went to school. Before classes i had a weird gut feeling which led me to go back home. I texted her again to ask her if we could talk. She replied "I don't want to. I live a different life right now. I'm happy with someone else. Let's end it" and i responded, stupidly, "Thank you for your honesty, I miss you, have a peaceful life". I then had my first ever panic attack, i vomited and was shaking like a sine wave. I didn't and still don't know why i felt that way.
From that day onwards there wasn't a single day in which i didn't think about her. For about a week i was nauseous and my heart rate was constantly through the roof. I set up my tinder and went on a single date which just made me realize that it wasn't for me. I decided to focus on myself fully and i started going out with my now amazing group of friends, started a hobby of producing music, changed haircut etc. I met a girl at the gym which is now my girlfriend ,lets call her A, for about a month. I feel that I'm starting to love her and no one ever was as amazing towards me as she is. I now overall feel amazing about my life.
But there's a problem I'm facing. I think about O everyday. Not romantically at all but i often have a physical feeling of nostalgia. I stalk her and her new guy's socials every now and then like it's some sort of dopamine injection. I'd never in a million years go back to her, but i feel somewhere deep down that I'd like to have a conversation with her. Not sure what for. Maybe I'm hoping to see any change of her behavior? Maybe it hurts my narcissist side that she didn't chase me this time? Maybe i wanted to be with her when i broke up but i just needed a lot of space from her? Maybe I'll never know actually.
My friends helped me realize just how terrible of a person she was to me and towards just about everyone, which helped me feel better A LOT. I don't know why i feel so much of a nostalgia that it becomes a physical feeling. I am scared that one day that feeling might in some kind of way damage my relationship with A. She's an amazing person and i could never wish for more. How do i even get on with these feelings?
--------------------------------------------[For those who might curious about O (i am, and it's worrying) : She had a rough childhood which lead her to have huge mental problems which caused her to be a tragic narcissist when it comes to feelings. Everybody's telling me she was gaslighting me at all times and overall i now know it was an abusive relationship.
There was one situation which H told me about. My dad is friends with H's dad. They were talking when H's dad asked mine why is he so upset and he told him "i just can't keep seeing how my son is feeling because of how O is treating him." That struck me and i think this info was a turning point in my mental life because never in my life i saw my dad show any kind of these emotions.
I heard the way she met her new guy was just after about 2 months after the breakup. She asked her brother to find her a guy, first guy he mentioned (and that he had a "nice car"), she went on a date with and the rest is ofc history. It might have just struck me because of the fact of how much she honestly loved me and how fast she just forgot about me.
She has an abusive alcoholic father which i had a physical fight with in actual self defense one time, and a 12yo sister which lives with them who saw it all. We had arguments about the fact that we need to spend more time at their place so that the little girl is safer. I heard that from the time she met that guy she is almost never home which just made me feel tragically sad because that girl was like a little sister to me...
One friend told me that he talked with O's brother and he told him that from her point of view, whole breakup was only because of my "child-like immaturity", which lead me more into thinking she is just inalterable.]-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The collateral haircut was supposed to go into effect April 30th but that date came and went without a whisper. Today, T+2, we suddenly see a spike in the middle of the day with continued volume and upward pressure through the rest of the day. Ending up +17.19%, its safe to assume something happened so I'm going to speculate on the crypto haircut being the reason.

Thank you to u/mehakarin69 for the following additions:

• Killer Sans as a separate character
• Axetale Sans + Aliza (as well as their skins.)
• Last Genocide Sans as a separate character from Dusttale Sans
• Dust Sans' new base design
• The Fanon Sans taunt
• Dustbelief Papyrus as his own character
• Most of the new stages
• The Axetale Flowey skin
• The Othertale characters
• Underfell Chara
• Changes to the plot
• Lore clarifications

​
Characters

• Undertale:
  • Frisk
    • Base design: Whatever skin color looks closest to the game sprite. Closed eyes with really thick eyelashes. Short, brown, slightly messy hair. Black/Navy Blue shorts. Black socks. They have the manly bandana wrapped around their forehead, a bandage on their cheek, the tough glove, ballet shoes, and the heart locket. In addition to using the bandana in their attack animations as a mid-range attack, they also use the stick and throw their various consumable items.
    • Classic (Changes their model to an exact translation of their sprite to a 3d model. Expression is completely unchanging, with three rectangles representing eyes, nose, and mouth. Boots go all the way up the legs. No visible separation between pants and sweater.)
    • Lightner (Hypothetical Lightner Frisk design.)
    • Tenacity (Red scarf and blue jacket over their normal clothes. Gives Frisk a new intro and outro animation.)
    • Overtale (Goat Frisk.)
    • Overtale Nuvex version (Tanuki Frisk.)
    • Shifty (They have Mettaton’s haircut)
    • Prince (Underkeep boy version.)
    • Princess (Underkeep girl version.)
    • Zombie [Obtainable during Halloween event] (Green skin, tattered clothes, and eyeball hanging out of one socket.)
  • Chara
    • Base design: Chara’s design is a pretty faithful recreation, though they also have the locket around their neck.
    • Ghost (Transparent with a red filter and glow.)
    • Scary face (Completely black eyes and distorted smile that drips black fluid.)
    • Lightner (Hypothetical Lightner Chara design.)
    • Overtale (Goat Chara)
    • Underfell (Black overalls with a red heart on the front pouch.)
    • Prince (Underkeep boy version.)
    • Princess (Underkeep girl version.)
    • Vampire [Obtainable during Halloween event.] (Pale skin, fangs, black cape with red interior, dark green button-down suit, long black dress skirt.)
    • Dark Elf [Obtainable during Christmas event.] (Dark green cape and hood with yellow highlights, pointy ears, dark green light armor.)
  • Toriel
    • Teacher (Toriel in the teacher outfit she wears in the Pacifist ending and in Deltarune.)
    • Underswap (Crown and cape.)
    • Story Shift (Armor she wears in the Story Shift AU)
    • Overtale (Human Toriel)
    • Monarch (Underkeep dress)
  • Sans
    • No Jacket (Self-explanatory.)
    • White Slippers (Self-explanatory.)
    • Yellow Eye (His eye will turn yellow instead of blue in his attack animations.)
    • Overtale (Human Sans.)
    • Story Shift (King Attire from Story Shift AU)
    • Fancy Bones (Underkeep Sans outfit.)
    • Fanon (Sans wearing a white wig. Includes a special taunt where he pulls a blue glowstick out of his shorts.)
  • Papyrus
    • Cool Dude (Wearing his cool dude outfit.)
    • Scarf (Long, red scarf instead of a cape)
    • Jogboy suit (The clothes he wore in the Alphys date scene.)
    • Story Shift (Caretaker of the ruins outfit from Story Shift AU.)
    • Sir Papyrus (Underkeep Papyrus outfit.)
    • Santa Papyrus [Obtainable during Christmas event.] (Papyrus wears a Santa outfit and fake beard. His projectile attacks are now presents instead of bones, and he says “NYOHOHO!” instead of “NYEHEHE!”)
  • Undyne
    • Armor (Wearing her Royal Guard Armor)
    • Date Clothes (Dressed in the suit she wore during the Alphys Date Scene.)
    • Deltarune (Cop with no eyepatch.)
    • Overtale (Human Undyne)
    • Baroness (Underkeep dress.)
    • Android [Beat Story Shift Undyne in campaign] (Undyne’s Story Shift design.)
    • Creature from the Black Lagoon [Obtainable during Halloween event.] (Gillman face, fins on arms, large hands, webbed fingers, digitigrade feet, webbed toes.)
  • Alphys
    • Date dress (Dress she wears during the date.)
    • Teacher (Clothes she wears in Deltarune.)
    • Overtale (Human Alphys)
    • Lotus (Underkeep dress.)
    • Ghost Costume [Obtainable during Halloween event.] (Sheet over her with eye holes.)
  • Mettaton
    • News Anchor (Standard-looking news reporter clothes.)
    • Queen (Dressed similarly to Queen from Deltarune.)
    • One True Love (The dress he wears in his song “Oh! One True Love”)
    • Gothaton (Gothic clothing on Mettaton)
    • Overtale (Human Mettaton)
    • King Mettaton (Underkeep suit.)
    • Love Letter [Obtainable during Valentine's event.] (Red where black normally is, heart buckles on his shoes, heart-shaped halo, angel hair wings when in Neo mode, slightly pink hue to the grey parts, lighter pink on pink parts.)
  • Muffet
    • Buffet (Buffet is a blonde baker spider who appears in the fan comic “Cafe Frisk.”)
    • Underswap (Wearing her attire from Underswap.)
    • Royal Baker (Underkeep dress.)
  • Asgore
    • Mr.Dad Guy (Wearing Mr.Dad Guy sweater.)
    • Gardener (Wearing his clothes from the Pacifist route ending and Deltarune.)
    • Caretaker Asgore (Based on his outfit from Underswap)
    • Dr.Asgore (Based on his outfit from Story Shift)
    • Great Knight (Underkeep armor.)
  • Flowey
    • Starbucks Employee (Based on a Shenanigoons joke, which I felt should be there given how this idea came to be.)
    • Cyclops (Flowey in Horrortale.)
    • Boogie (Flowey in Story Shift.)
    • Wilted (Flowey in Underfell.)
    • Void (Gaster Flowey from Fatal Error.)
    • Robot (Flowey in Understeam.)
    • Infected (Flowey in Axetale.)
  • Asriel [Complete Story Mode]
    • Throwback (Normal clothes in God of Hyperdeath form.)
    • Boyband Asriel (Based off a piece of Concept Art of Asriel with boyband hair.)
    • Gardener (Clothes from his Mafiatale design.)
  • Genocide Frisk [Beat them in campaign]
    • Base design: Similar to normal Frisk, but with dust covering their hands, cheek, and sweater. They also have different accessories equipped. They use the real knife and empty gun in battle animations, and they wear the stained apron and the cowboy hat.
    • Classic (Same as Frisk’s Classic skin but with dust on their cheeks, hands, and sweater.)
    • fAnOn Vs CaNoN (Pink cheeks and open, red eyes.)
    • Happy Halloween [obtainable during Halloween event] (They now wear a Michael Myers costume.)
  • W.D. Gaster [Complete Story Mode on Nightmare mode.]
    • {REDACTED} (The Redacted sprite.)
    • Retsag Gnid Gniw (Upside down Gaster sprite fully realized.)
    • Everyman (The Everyman sprite from one of the Amalgamate battles.)
    • Memory Heads (Cluster of memory heads.)
  • Temmie Armor [Unlock every Frisk in the game]
    • Design: An Ironman-style suit of armor covered in Temmie's face and painted with the color scheme of Temmie’s sweater.
  • Burgerpants [$10,000,000.00 DLC (or 110% completion reward. One of the two.)]
    • Underworld (He looks the same except has a bruise on his arm which he got from bumping into a doorframe.)
    • TS!Underswap (Grillby’s branded delivery boy outfit.)
    • Burger-ley (Outfit swap with Berdly.)
  • Toby Fox [Get the Annoying Dog easter egg with every Undertale character including Burgerpants.] {WARNING: This character is insanely unfair to fight against. Use only if you do not value friendship or the structural integrity of your jaw and nose.}
• Deltarune
  • Kris [100% Completion reward]
    • Civilian (Non-Lightner form. Uses a giant pencil instead of a sword.)
    • Classic (Change skin color to match their sprite.)
    • The 13th [Avalable during Halloween event.] (Kris wearing a Jason Vorhees Costume.)
  • Susie [100% Completion reward]
    • Civilian (Non-Lightner form. Still has her axe.)
    • Punk (Black leather jacket with white undershirt and spiked wristbands.)
    • Evil Queen (Dressed like Bowsette.)
    • Containment Breach [Available during Halloween event.] (Torn-up clothes, green scales, sharp, bloody teeth, bone spikes jutting out of her back, and black hair going down to the tip of her tail.)
  • Ralsei [100% Completion reward]
    • Ralsei Dreemurr (Ralsei in Asriel’s clothes.)
  • Lancer [100% Completion reward]
    • Prince of Mischief (Bowser Jr. Scarf.)
  • Jevil [100% Completion reward]
    • Digital Circus (Swapped color palette with Pomni from The Amazing Digital Circus.)
  • Noelle [100% Completion reward]
    • Civilian (Non-Lightner form.)
    • Noelle the Red-Nosed Reindeer [Available during Christmas event.] (Gingerbread pattern dress and red, glowing nose.)
  • Berdly [100% completion reward]
    • Civilian (Non-Lightner form.)
    • Right out of High School (Outfit swap with Burgerpants.)
  • Queen [100% completion reward]
    • Metta-Queen (Outfit swap with Mettaton.)
  • Spamton [100% completion reward]
    • [BIGGEST] shot (Sparkling golden suit with dollar sign sunglasses and wads of cash jutting out of his pockets. Money particle effects appear whenever he moves, and one of his special moves is replaced with him dropping a palette of money on you.)
    • You Can (Not) [GET A REFUND] (Outfit based on Asuna’s plug suit from Evangelion.)
• Underswap
  • Sans [Beat him in campaign]
    • Rad Dude (Underswap version of the cool dude outfit.)
    • Christmas sweater [Obtainable during Christmas event.] (The sweater he wears in the Christmas Party comic.)
  • Papyrus [Beat him in campaign]
    • “THAT’S MY ATTACK!” (Change the orange parts of his design to blue.)
  • Chara [Beat them in campaign]
  • Frisk [Beat them in campaign]
    • Creepy (Frisk’s eyes and mouth are sewn shut.)
    • A true nightmare [Obtainable during Halloween event.] (Wearing a Freddy Kreuger costume.)
  • Napstabot [Win 10 battles as Mettaton]
    • T.S. Underswap (Napstabot in T.S. Underswap.)
• Underfell
  • Frisk [Beat them in campaign]
    • Flowerfell [Die to every Papyrus as Underfell Frisk] (Flowerfell Frisk’s design instead of Underfell Frisk’s. Similar moves, but their voice lines are different and their finisher cards are major scenes from Flowerfell.)
    • Collar (Red turtleneck and spiked collar around their neck with a gold chain hanging off of it.)
    • Blue and Pink (Sweater with pink, blue, and black stripes.)
  • Sans [Beat him in campaign]
    • Flowerfell [Die to every Papyrus as Underfell Frisk] (Flowerfell Sans’ design instead of Underfell Sans’. Same changes as Flowerfell Frisk.)
    • No Jacket (Self Explanatory.)
  • Papyrus [Beat him in campaign.]
    • Scarf (Wearing a scarf instead of a cape.)
    • Bad Dude (Underfell date attire.)
  • Toriel [Beat her in campaign.]
  • Underfell Asgore [Beat him in campaign.]
    • Casual (Underfell version of the pacifist ending clothes.)
  • Chara [Beat them in campaign.]
• Horrortale:
  • Aliza [Win the Betty boss fight on Insanity mode.]
    • Monster Disguise (Her disguise she wears in the comic.)
    • Horrortale Frisk? [Obtainable during Halloween event] (Aliza dressed as Frisk.)
    • Cannibal (Bloody teeth and bulging, bloodshot eyes.)
  • Sans [Beat him in campaign.]
    • Pink Jacket (Another tribute to Lythero.)
  • Papyrus [Beat him in campaign.]
  • Undyne [Beat her in campaign.]
    • Before the fall (Undyne from the intro of the Horrortale fangame, with a normal-looking eyepatch and crown, and splatters of blood across her face.)
  • Toriel [Beat her in campaign.]
• Glitchtale:
  • Chara [Beat him in campaign.]
    • Season 1 (The season 1 design.)
    • Total Hatred (Completely black with red eyes and mouth.)
    • Frisk [Beat him in campaign.] (Swap Chara for Frisk.)
  • Betty [Beat her in campaign.]
    • Amber [Beat campaign using only Betty] (Betty in her original form)
    • Hatred (Completely black with pink eyes and mouth.)
  • Sans [Beat him in campaign.]
    • Fear (Two pink eyes instead of two blue eyes.)
  • Jessica [50% completion reward.]
    • Original (Jessica’s first outfit design before the updated design.)
    • Hatred (Black eyes with blue pupils and black fluid leaking from eyes and mouth.)
    • Overtale (Skeleton Jessica.)
  • Gaster [Beat the first Error Sans boss fight.]
    • Void (Gaster’s form in the void.)
    • Original (Gaster’s season 1 design.)
• Story Shift
  • Chara [Beat them in campaign.]
    • Facing Demons (SS!Chara wearing SS!Asriel’s scarf.)
    • Reboot (Reboot Story Shift Chara design.)
    • FellShift (FellShift Chara design.)
    • Mask (Wearing a black mask with eyes and a mouth drawn on in red marker.)
    • Swap (SwapShift Frisk instead of Story Shift Chara)
    • Sweetheart [Obtainable during Valentine’s day event.] (Pink hoodie with cat ears and tail, and chocolate heart constantly in their mouth. No mouth animations.)
  • Asriel [Beat him in campaign.]
    • Classic (Wearing Undertale Asriel’s clothes.)
  • Mettacrit [Beat him in campaign.]
• Littletale
  • Littletale Frisk [Beat campaign on Unlooseable mode.]
    • Worker Elf [Obtainable during Christmas event] (Wearing a green elf costume.)
  • Littletale Sans [Beat campaign on Unlooseable mode.]
    • Elf on the Shelf [Obtainable during Christmas event] (Wearing a red elf costume.)
• Outertale
  • Frisk [Beat them in campaign.]
  • Papyrus [Beat him in campaign.]
  • Alphys [Beat her in campaign.]
  • Mettaton [Beat him in campaign.]
• Echotale
  • G!Sans [Beat twisted campaign.]
  • Echo!Frisk [Beat twisted campaign.]

(Note: Twisted campaign is an alternate version of the campaign mode with new battles and a second story that takes place alongside the main campaign. It’s also way harder. Sounds complicated, but there’s not a chance this game is ever getting made anyway, so it’s fine.)

• Underworld
  • Frisk [Beat twisted campaign.]
  • Sans [Beat him in twisted campaign.]
  • Alphys [Beat her in twisted campaign.]
  • Undyne [Beat her in twisted campaign.]
  • Muffet [Beat her in twisted campaign.]
  • Toriel [Beat her in twisted campaign.]
  • Asgore [Beat him in twisted campaign.]
• Katanatale
  • Frisk [Beat them in campaign.]
  • Sans [Beat him in campaign.]
  • Undyne [Beat her in campaign.]
    • Samurai (Dressed in samurai armor and a samurai mask.)
    • Frenzy (Dressed like Guts from Berserk.)
    • Armored Frenzy (Dressed in the Berserker armor.)
  • Gaster [Beat the twisted campaign tutorial.]
• Othertale
  • Undyne (Beat her in twisted campaign.)
  • Color Sans (Beat twisted campaign on hard.)
  • Natacarat Jester (Beat twisted campaign on insanity mode.)
• Outworlders
  • Error Sans [Beat campaign mode on Insanity difficulty.]
    • No Jacket (Self-explanatory)
    • Half-Error (halfway between Error and Geno.)
  • Geno Sans [Beat him in campaign mode.]
  • Fatal Error [Beat the true final boss (Insanity and up only).]
  • Dream Sans [Beat the Nightmare battle in campaign.]
    • Dream Papyrus (Based on a joke I sometimes make that Dream should have been a Papyrus. Replaces the model with a version of Papyrus that looks similar to Dream.)
    • The Mask (Wearing a Dream Minecraft costume.)
  • Nightmare Sans [Beat him in Dream’s campaign.]
    • Red (Dark red instead of dark green.)
  • Fresh [Beat campaign mode on Insanity difficulty]
  • Punk Frisk [Appears as the final boss of Fresh’s campaign. Beat them to unlock them.]
    • Base Design: African American with a ponytail that they dyed orange, wearing “YOLO” sunglasses like Fresh. They wear a sleeveless denim jacket, and underneath that jacket, they have a light pink shirt with an evil clown face emblazoned on it in black. They have a friendship bracelet on their left wrist, plaid tights, a denim short skirt covered in buttons, and long, black combat boots with yellow laces. They also have black lipstick, a nose piercing, earrings, and a gold canine. They go by He/She/They, so to any artists reading this who may be interested in drawing this edgy nightmare of a character, go with whatever gender you prefer.
  • Ink Sans [Beat campaign mode on Insanity difficulty.]
    • Star Sketcher (Based on one of Ink Sans’ alternate outfits)
    • Clean Brush (Based on one of Ink Sans’ alternate outfits)
  • Blueberror [Beat campaign mode on Destroy all Monsters difficulty.]
  • Core Frisk [Beat campaign mode on Destroy all Monsters difficulty.]
  • Paperjam [Beat twisted campaign on Destroy all Monsters difficulty.]
• Misc.
  • Disbelief Papyrus [Beat him in campaign.]
    • Pumpkin King [Obtainable during Halloween event.] (Disbelief Papyrus dresses as Jack Skellington.)
  • Dustbelief Papyrus [Beat him in twisted campaign.]
  • Dust Sans [Beat him in campaign.]
    • Base Design: Purple jacket with gray slippers.
    • Battle Damaged (Torn clothes and cracked skull)
    • Something old (Blue jacket and pink slippers)
    • Something new-ish (Blue jacket and gray slippers)
  • Killer Sans [Beat him in campaign.]
    • Zero Humans (Goku Black costume)
  • Last Genocide [Beat him in campaign.] (Finisher is Last Genocide phase 4.)
    • STAND PROUD (Dressed in Jotaro Kujo cosplay. Spirit Papyrus is dressed like Star Platinum.)
  • Last Breath Sans [Beat campaign on Insanity mode using only different versions of Sans.]
  • Reaper Sans [Enter the Konami code during the Error Sans fight and then beat the hardest battle in the game.]
  • X-Sans [Beat him in campaign.]
    • X-Chara (Swaps Sans for Chara and changes some attack animations.)
  • Sixbones [Beat them in twisted campaign.]
  • StorySwap Chara [Beat Sixbones on insanity mode.]
  • Seraphim [Beat him in Error Sans’ campaign on Destroy all Monsters difficulty.]
  • Axe Sans and Aliza [Beat them in twisted campaign.]
    • Beaten Down (Sans and Aliza’s outfits are damaged, and Aliza’s eye is covered with bandages.)
    • Axesanity (Sans is even more damaged than in the Beaten Down skin, and Aliza’s hood is popped and covered in dust. Aliza’s Red Butterfly attack is replaced with a Black Butterfly.)
    • Wedding Bells [Obtainable during valentine’s event.] (Sans in a suit and Aliza in priest garb. Aliza’s Red Butterfly attack is outlined with Axe Frisk’s spirit.)
  • Red [75% completion reward]
  • Papyrus.exe
  • Deigamer & Chara [Beat twisted campaign on Destroy all Monsters difficulty.]

Stages

• Undertale
  • Ruins
  • Snowdin
  • Waterfall
  • Hotland
  • The Core
  • Judgement hall
  • Throne Room
  • The Barrier
  • Mt. Ebott
• Undertale Yellow
  • Steamworks
  • Dunes
• Horrortale
  • Withered Ruins
  • Grillby’s
  • The Capital
  • Red Snowdin
• Misc
  • Schizophrenia (Dust Sans’ mind)
  • The Void
  • Omega timeline
  • Xtale

Feel free to suggest whatever characters or costumes you want to see added to this roster. My only rule for suggestions is I’m not allowing anything from Alphatale or Godverse.
Next time I post about this game concept, I will be going into detail on the controls and mechanics of the game.

After a disaster of a trip back in February complete with family drama, the flu, and a trip to Advent Celebration’s Pediatric Emergency Room via ambulance, booking a quick “redo” for my wife, my 16-month-old son, and I was an easy thing to do. We went during the second week of April, which ended up being perfect, for a quick three-day visit.
Really, with one exception our cast member interactions were incredibly positive. I’m not going to go into the negative one because it was such a fantastic trip. My wife had tokens made up that we gave out to some cast members who were particularly over the top friendly and accommodating and everyone was very appreciative of that.
Happy Limo – Our car service of choice when we go to Disney is Happy Limousine. They’re affordable, friendly, and they provide car seats so its one less thing that you must travel with. Since our son is a lap child, we were able to do this trip with 100% carry-on. No checked baggage!
Scooterbug – For a stroller we used Scooterbug. When we got to Pop Century we just went to Bell Services and there it was waiting for us. Once we were ready to leave we just dropped it off on our way to our ride to the airport. I think for the three days it cost us about $70.
Pop Century – Our resort of choice this time around was Pop Century. It was affordable and its right on the Skyliner route which is our favorite way to travel. My wife is an amateur pin trader and she put up a nice display on our door with pins to trade and posted it on a Pop Century group on Facebook. It got A LOT of traffic and we saw a lot of pins traded. I’m not sure if anyone here got a chance to take advantage of it in the short time the post was up on this sub but if you did I hope you got something you like!
This is our second time at Pop Century and in my opinion the Skyliner is an absolute game changer for this resort. There’s really no better way to get around the Disney Parks. The best thing that they could do, in my opinion, would be to extend it to the front entrance of EPCOT so you could get to the Monorail. That would make three of the four parks accessible by something other than bus from that side of the resorts.
Day 1: EPCOT! – After we got in at 11am we went and got settled at the resort and took the Skyliner over to Epcot. It was a beautiful day of about 70 degrees. We grazed on some festival food, got some character pictures in, and went on a couple of age-appropriate rides for our little guy. He was ready to call it a day by about 5pm so we called it, got some dinner back at Pop Century and spent an early evening in our room watching Bluey.
Day 2 (breakfast): Topolino’s Terrace – Again: the Skyliner gave us a quick ride over to The Riviera to a spot that my wife has wanted to do since it opened. The character meal here is awesome. You get a lot of face time with Mickey, Minnie, Donald, and Daisey. Also, their coffee was on point, a must for me in the mornings. The food was good, but unless you get the steak and eggs I think the price is a little steep but you’re paying for more than the food, obviously.
Day 2 (park): Magic Kingdom – When we were there in February my son spiked his 102 degree fever during the morning that we were at MK so we lost that day, lost a family photo shoot, and lost the chance for him to get his first haircut at the park so we wanted to recreate that. Again: the crowds were light. We were able to do Pirates twice, Haunted Mansion (he loved the stretching room), It’s a Small World, Peter Pan (Lightning Lane), Winnie the Pooh, and Monster’s Inc Laugh Floor (a family favorite). The main event though was scheduled for 1pm…
To try and fully make up for February’s busted trip we had my son’s first haircut scheduled for 1pm at the Harmony Barber Shop and let me just say, they blew our expectations out of the water. Doug, our barber, was so incredibly patient with our son who was calm and enjoying his bubbles but of course not able to hold still etc. He got an awesome haircut, a certificate for his first haircut, and an old school Mickey Mouse Club style hat.
After that we got some pictures with Mickey on Main St (again, Lightning Lane), and walked around a little more, took advantages of photographers, and did a few of the above listed rides before dinner. Side note: the family in front of us for Mickey pictures had an older son with autism, I know because he was wearing an autism awareness shirt. We were so impressed with how accommodating and patient that the cast members were with him. It was very heartwarming to watch and you could tell that the family and their son REALLY appreciated it.
Day 2 (dinner) Tony’s Town Square Restaurant – Back in 2018 we did Tony’s for dinner and were kind of overwhelmed. We’d seen a lot of positive reviews and additions to the place, so we decided to try it again and it was worth it. We got garlic bread (topped with cheese), and the foot long mozzarella sticks with one of the greatest cheese pulls that I’ve ever seen as appetizers. Beyond that it was pretty simple, basic Italian fare. It was nothing incredibly special, but it was a nice way to finish the day. We did an early 4:15 dinner, and my son promptly melted down and fell asleep, so that was our cue to call it a night.
Quick note on my son: he is a great napper as long as he’s home. When we have him out he doesn’t want to miss a thing. He was engrossed in the trip and an absolute trooper both days.
Day 3 (breakfast) Cape May Café – This is my favorite breakfast on property. Unfortunately, we were at the ER back in February when our family had it scheduled. We both had delicious food and my son devoured his breakfast.
From there it was back to the resort to gather up our stuff, drop our stroller off at Bell Services which, again, was painless, and then we were off to the airport.
Wrap-up – This was an intense trip for us but we kind of agreed that at his age we would have needed a Resort Day to do anything more than what we did. The week that we were there was the week after traditional Spring Breaks were done. In all of the trips to Disney that my wife and I have taken we have never seen the crowds so reasonable. Wait times were low, transportation usage was sparce, and the weather could not have been more perfect. I think the high temperature was somewhere around 78 and I think for the first time we didn’t see a drop of rain.
Welp, that’s our trip. If anyone has any questions feel free to fire away!

Hey all, I’ll be starting my masters soon (Business Analytics) and am considering University of Liverpool. I’ve read a lot of things about the place, both good and bad, especially on this subreddit. I was wondering if I could get an updated response from those of you currently studying/living there, especially regarding the following:

1. The University: honestly, how is it? I’ve heard great things from generic sources, especially with the university being part of the Russell group, but I’d like all and any unbiased information (anecdotal info would be appreciated) that one wouldn’t be able to find online. The faculty, the crowd, how strict they are with class attendance and deadlines, how long a school day is, the modules, vacation days, dissertation assistance, and the future job prospects, etc.
   
2. Safety: a no brainer, but how safe is the city for a woman? What are some non-negotiables to keep in mind as a first-timer? Again, I’m probably paranoid after having read about the spike in crimes (knives and guns) and the drug problems, but hey, you can never be too careful.
   
3. Utilities and Facilities: I’m considering renting an apartment, is it better than student housing? How much does rent cost in a safe area that’s close to the university? How do I commute there? What’s the water like? Do I need to install a filter? When do the stores close, and what stores are open 24/7? How are payments accepted at smaller stores/restaurants: card, cash, both?
   
4. Weather: I know it’s pretty much typical UK weather, but for one moving there from a tropical place, how do I pack? And do I need an umbrella on me at all times?
   
5. Average living expenses (for a woman): I’m not one to indulge in nightlife, or eat out often but I do like the occasional movie/concert/play, and I like to try food that isn’t available where I’m from. Plus, there are those days as a student where you just have to eat out. That, plus groceries, school related expenses, commute, haircuts every few months, feminine and personal care products, utilities, etc, how much are we looking at?
   
6. If you’re a Liverpool native who’s studied at a University away (and liked it), tell me why you would (or wouldn’t) recommend it over UoL. I’ve heard that cities like Manchester have great opportunities for IT so I have been contemplating that as well.
   
7. Anything I’ve missed out on, any advice, word of caution, suggestion or recommendation would be really appreciated.
   

I know I’ve been quite…wordy, therefore I thank and appreciate your patience and the time you take to answer my questions.