My boyfriend of almost 2 years dumped me fairly out of the blue. We’re king distance and whilst im a planner, he’s a very live in the moment person and very avoidant generally with bad feelings. I’d been asking him for months to plan out summer with me as I usually leave the U.K. for a few months at a time to go and spend time with him. This time we were tying to make a month or less of plans work and and he couldn’t just atleast propose an idea. Our birthdays are two weeks apart so I had planned a special concert and then it turned out his family had planned a trip almost directly between his birthday and mine (we’ve agreed to spend our birthday together for a year). Instead of tackling the issue head on and trying to make it work, or me coming on the trip he totally shut down. Eventually 2 nights ago when I was speaking to him about it he asked me to go and stay with a friend in the same state and he would try and come see me for a few days. I said no way am I waiting weeks for him to eventually come around and he snapped and said he’s been struggling too much and it’s over. At first I was in shock and just crying then it turned to me begging him to give me a chance. I begged him for an hour to which he said were just not right and he’s sorry over and over again.
I called him yesterday when things settles and he didn’t answer but said he would call when things slowed down in the day. I waited until 5am and he never did. He then messaged to say he’s not avoiding me and just wants time to talk properly . To that I said we should just connect in a few weeks as we need space and I need to process. I also said if he’s hurting anywhere near the way that I am that I’m sending him healing love . He’s a big advocate for space especially when he’s stressed and I’m just thinking what this message will do ….. I’d hopefully like him to miss me and perhaps reconsider what he’s done . He has all my clothes at his house so we will eventually have to discuss him sending it back to me

I don't know if this kind of posts is allowed here, but since you guys were always so nice to me, I wanted to celebrate my birthday with you (virtually)...
Btw, I'm 25 yo now, and guess what, I don't feel any difference in my body. 1 year does nothing to me. 1 decade actually improved me (trust me, I look way better now than when I was 15)... Ok, that sounded a bit narcissistic, but you know, that's not my intention...
My sister told me I look 10 years younger than my current age. I don't want to show off, but I just started to think I might have some blessed genetics...
I had read horror stories about some guys who suffered twink death at a younger age than me (they were femboys and stopped being one after suffering twink death), and it really saddened me to see that...
My body is not perfect and flawless, by no means, but I can always improve. Today, I'm not only going to celebrate my birthday, but I also want to remind you guys, that every single one of you is unique and special.
You might be going through a rough time, you might not like the way you look, but you can always improve. Everything has a solution, no matter how hard it is...
How did I turn a birthday post into a reflexive one? I have no idea, but I just wanted to leave a positive message to all my dear femboys who are going through a hard time. Don't give up, it's never too late to improve, everything is gonna be alright, I believe in you...
I know how it feels to be there, because I used to be fat. But thanks to my diet and workout routine, I improved over the years, and now I can say, I have a twink body...
Sorry if I sounded too cringe, but I just wanted to make my birthday post here as something special, not just a generic one talking about myself, but one caring about others.
To be honest, I was doubting about sharing this post, I had to change a lot of things, add other things, and... It doesn't matter, full send this time! No backing off! Thanks for taking your time reading this. Anyway, goodbye... :3

I went to college at this one school and I was kinda friends with this one girl. We weren’t the closest friends, but we’d talk here and there every semester. We added each other on social media. I asked her out very early on one time and she declined, but I never asked her again or tried to flirt. She’s since become the director of one of the departments at this college.
I’ve applied to a lot of jobs at this school and a job in her department is one of them. I’m wondering if this is bad, because I noticed that she’s removed me from some of her social media and she didn’t return my email I sent her. Maybe she’s busy or something, but I’m guessing it could be bad to try and work in her department if she doesn’t want me around.
As far as I can tell, we didn’t have some kind of big argument or I didn’t send her some offensive message. Maybe she just didn’t like some of the things I posted on my social media. I did make a post one time that seemed to make some people upset. I just said that God meant for men to be the head of the house and love their wife like Christ loved the church. I noticed a lot of women from my college did unfriend me after that, but I find that kinda weird cause we all went to a Christian college and that was taught. I don’t know.

I went to college at this one school and I was kinda friends with this one girl. We weren’t the closest friends, but we’d talk here and there every semester. We added each other on social media. I asked her out very early on one time and she declined, but I never asked her again or tried to flirt. She’s since become the director of one of the departments at this college.
I’ve applied to a lot of jobs at this school and a job in her department is one of them. I’m wondering if this is bad, because I noticed that she’s removed me from some of her social media and she didn’t return my email I sent her. Maybe she’s busy or something, but I’m guessing it could be bad to try and work in her department if she doesn’t want me around.
As far as I can tell, we didn’t have some kind of big argument or I didn’t send her some offensive message. Maybe she just didn’t like some of the things I posted on my social media. I did make a post one time that seemed to make some people upset. I just said that God meant for men to be the head of the house and love their wife like Christ loved the church. I noticed a lot of women from my college did unfriend me after that, but I find that kinda weird cause we all went to a Christian college and that was taught. I don’t know.

I went to college at this one school and I was kinda friends with this one girl. We weren’t the closest friends, but we’d talk here and there every semester. We added each other on social media. I asked her out very early on one time and she declined, but I never asked her again or tried to flirt. She’s since become the director of one of the departments at this college.
I’ve applied to a lot of jobs at this school and a job in her department is one of them. I’m wondering if this is bad, because I noticed that she’s removed me from some of her social media and she didn’t return my email I sent her. Maybe she’s busy or something, but I’m guessing it could be bad to try and work in her department if she doesn’t want me around.
As far as I can tell, we didn’t have some kind of big argument or I didn’t send her some offensive message. Maybe she just didn’t like some of the things I posted on my social media. I did make a post one time that seemed to make some people upset. I just said that God meant for men to be the head of the house and love their wife like Christ loved the church. I noticed a lot of women from my college did unfriend me after that, but I find that kinda weird cause we all went to a Christian college and that was taught. I don’t know.

To get this out of the way, I generally don't care about authorial Intent. Apparently TCs creators are progressives critical of religion, but in my opinion that does not matter. What matters is what the setting presents to us. Either way, I attempt to look at the setting from a meta point of view further down this post.
Now, there are some corners of the internet, including this sub as my post title is referencing, that claim that TC is actually more critical of religion than it isn't, that the church is actually to be viewed as the bad guys of the setting, not doing the right thing, etc.
But in my opinion that does not come forward from any reading of the lore.
Let's get to the allegorical reading of the setting later and start by just taking it at face value. The christian forces are obviously the better option of the two major players in the setting. They're shielding the rest of civilization from the literal legions of hell, whose culture has accepted cannibalism, baby-killing, ritualistic suicide and murder to venerate their dark masters.
In contrast, the church is fighting with a (majority volunteer, if the lore is to be believed) force to stop those crazies from turning earth into a literal hellpit of suffering. I've seen people claim that especially the meta-christ lore hints at those super dark undertones that make holding off the end of the world not largely good, but I was unable to find anything pointing to that. The Meta-Christs seem to be truly divine beings (The seventh actively choosing to ressurect worthy trench pilgrims) that could presumably not be kept/used against their (or God's) will if they didn't want to be.
It even seems like in universe, of the two religious factions, the chruch and the sultunate, the church is at the very least more correct in their doctrine, if the sultunate is not outright wrong. The sultunate only has two instances of divine doing, the appearance of the great wall, and their assasins' magic. The wall appearead a millenia ago and that could very well be embelished history. We also know magic is real and provided by the devils to the heretic legions, which means the asssasins' (who are seen as heretics even within the sultunate) may not necessarily rely on divine power.
In contrast, the trench pilgrims and soldiers of New Antoich experience divine miracles (The resurrections of trench pilgrims, the increased feriocity of the Stigmatic Nuns and the uncanny aim of the blind sniper priests among others) as a matter of course, directly proving the intervention of some outside force. Unless of course the church is providing even lowly foot soldiers not necessarily loyal to the insitution but to god with resurrection technology, but I think it is to be read as actual divine intervention.
Now onto the more meta narrative, I fail to see how an allegory can be constructed to make the church the wrong side in this conflict.
I've seen people argue that the lore of the Meta-Christs hints at a critique of the church, with no further explanation. The best faith interpretation I have is that the implied practices done to the Meta-Christ are monstrous, but as I lined out above, in setting these practices seem to be justified. Even if this is supposed to be critical of the church, what would this say about the creators' view upon those opposed to the church, considering that they are depicted as baby-killing cannibals.
The Heretic Legions of course claim that they are fighting to be released from God's tyrannical rule, but if that is supposed to be a critique of real life religious institutions, it falls flat on its face considering that the church analog is fighting to prevent cannibalism, senseless suicide and baby murder.
I've also seen people argue that the point of the setting is that real life religious people see everyone opposed to them as demons, or otherwise lesser. I however, similar to the previous point, see how that could be effective critique, considering the church analog in-universe seems to be objectively fighting to keep the world from becoming worse.
The last option for an allegory may be that the church in TC does not map onto religious insitutions in real life, although I would be stumped who it would then be critical of, considering that the TC church is the best option among the factions we have gotten to know. The heretical legions do promote blind allegiance to the lords of hell, but also ineffectual lashing out and wanton indulgence of urges, so they're a poor fit. If I had to derive some meaning from The Black Grail lore, it would be that people among us crumple under stress, and that some of us hide deeply disgusting parts of their personality hidden from the wider world (see plague knights). Again, it seems to not map well onto a critique of religion. The final candidate would be the sultanate, but the factions does not stand in opposition to the TC church, so if the TC church is not the stand in for religion then neither should the sultunate be.
In conclusion, I don't see how the creators of TC intended to be critical of religion with this setting beyond a "extremism is distasteful and extreme situations may force people to take extreme measures" message. But I also don't think it matters much. Personally, I think the creators just wanted to make a banger setting with christian aesthetics, and they accomplished that, maybe inadvertently making the christians the good guys. Just enjoy it without this constant need to own the chuds or the libs.

Today is my birthday and I am streaming my favorite game! It’s been ten long years since I’ve played Last of Us. Revisiting my favorite areas and moments. Watching the TV series brought back so many great memories. I am beyond excited to do a full play through with everyone. All I want this year is a click and a chat message. Swing by and help me make this stream my biggest yet! Streaming 10am PST
https://twitch.tv/takaursinae

i want to die before my 13th birthday so im doing it tonight. I know some people might say you still have a lot of time left and you will be an adult and be better but i dont care i still want to die. I dont even go to school i dont have freinds and my dad doesnt like me he just shouts at me and hits me and my mum doesnt even care she just beleives everything he says but sometimes my dad is nice and buys me sweets but he shouts at me if i eat more than he wants me to and he pushes me when i dont do as he says and it hurts my arm. I dont understand what im doing wrong i want him to like me and i messaged childline and they say the same thing everytime and they are annoying me now. Im depressed all the time and tired i just dont want be here. Im not changing my mind im going to do it so dont tell me not to. I just want to say goodbye and hopefuly you can get better i love all of you.

I am not the OOP. The OOP is u/TASoDHype posting in AITAH
Concluded as per OOP
1 update - Medium
Original - 16th May 2024
Update - 17th May 2024
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AITAH for leaving my fiancée after I learned there were strippers at her bachelorette party?
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What the title reads basically. I(29M) and my ex-fiancée(29F) were together for 5 years. We should have been married now in the normal conditions but I broke up with her and cancelled the wedding 2 days before it because they invited male strippers to bachelorette party. I am personally not a fan of these parties but reluctantly agreed after both groom & bride side confirmed we would keep it simple. I told my ex-fiancée I am not comfortable with strippers or other kind of crazy things. She agreed. I also told my friends if they were to do a stupid thing without me knowing, we would have problems.
We stayed at my friends' summer house and chilled there by the pool, did some wow raids and played board games. My ex-fiancée and her friends went to a restaurant then rented an airbnb. There was no problem during the night and next day I asked how things went. She and her close friends said it was really chill and good. We returned to the city centre after that.
I encountered another bridesmaid that day when I was shopping for a bracelet for my ex-fiancée for her upcoming birthday. I asked that girl how's everything as we were in the same department at the college but rarely talk now. She is closer with my fiancée than me. She said it's going good and last night was crazy with all the strippers. After saying that she looked uncomfortable. I asked her about the details but she was not willing to tell much. I think she realized she should not have talked about it. I laughed, said goodbye and left.
I confronted my fiancée and she seemed surprised about it. She was denying it first, then told me nothing crazy happened and one of the bridesmaids invited strippers. I reminded her that it was a strict boundary for me. I asked about the details but she said there was nothing much with strippers just solo dances and that's it. I told her I need some time to think.
Almost all of the bridesmaids messaged me ensuring nothing happened when I was on my way back home(definitely not coordinated). Things happened after that but in the end I decided to break up and cancel the wedding. I lost some money since it was only 2 days before the wedding. Things are not cool right now. My head is messed up, I get criticism from everyone and no idea about what to do. My sister told me to see a therapist to process my thoughts and feelings. That is what I'll do next. Some mutuals suggested me that I should reconsider things and stop being so whiny about such a small thing. I do not think it's such a small thing especially when they all tried to hide it from me.
AITAH here?
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Comments
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tasty-horse-paste
This is strangely similar to something that happened recently on 90 day fiancé.
Edit: A lot of people saying disagreements about strippers etc. is common, which sure, but it was the detail about playing MMO games by the pool at the bachelor party that got my attention. But I'm not saying OP's story is fake; it just reminded me of the 90 day thing.
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former_farmer
Because this happens a lot. Some people think that cheating in the bachelorette party is correct. It's so dumb.
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boredathome1962
NTA. "It was crazy with all the strippers" is hugely different from "it was really chill and good". This isn't just lying, this is a total reversal of the truth. Even her "it was just solo dances" is not the same as "crazy". So they are lying, all of them, except the first one.

OOP: Everyone is telling different things. One person says it was crazy, my ex says it was just solo dance, another person says it was different. I do not know whom to believe to be honest and that's one of the reasons I lost trust here. Apparently, the stripper was naked and that even alone is a dealbreaker for me. There is no way for me to know what happened that night and why she did not even bother with calling me or telling me about it.

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**Judgement - NTA*\*
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Update - 1 days later
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TL;DR: Bitter truth was revealed bit by bit. Ex-fiancée had sexual interaction with a stripper. It's therapy time.
I read most of the comments in the original post and thank you for the advice. My problem was that not her being blindsided by her friends but lying. Every bridesmaid told different things and none of them gave details about what happened. I believe you can understand it just shatters the trust and makes you think there is something going on.
I thought there was something wrong with me after reading the comments. There were a lot of YTAs and I thought I should apologize. One of the bridesmaid reached out to me last evening. I suspect she saw the post somewhere and recognized it. I knew my fiancée was having problems with her friends since last week but I did not know the extent.
Apparently, my ex-fiancée and her close friends blamed the girl that I encountered at mall about everything. This divided the group and led into a verbal fight. I will skip the personal details here but in the end she told me my ex-fiancée and other bridesmaids got sexual with the strippers. My fiancée was the only one who had boyfriend/fiancée/spouse(at least monogamously) there to my knowledge. Also, I was told by her that my ex-fiancée was not blindsided with stripper invites. She was happy to see the strippers and was relieved she had an excuse. I do not have proof for all of these but I got a short video of girls making out with strippers. One of the girls is my ex-fiancée and that's enough.
She has been trying to reach out to me since we broke up. I confronted her again. At first, she denied it again then it became we just touched, then okay we kissed too, okay I gave him a handjob, finally I was coerced into doing these by others as I pressed on. I just blocked her after the last part. I did not see any need to learn further. I was hurt already but learning that I got cheated on hurt more. I am not sure if it's the full truth even now. I will never know but all I can say is it hurts. I will go to a therapist to not carry my luggage to my next relationship. I lost 15K from the wedding related things and need to focus on filling the hole for a while.
Some misogynists made weird comments about women and I'll just ignore them. Some of the people told me I am an insecure, unfunny nerd for playing WoW on my bachelor party. Isn't the whole point of bachelor parties having "one last fun". It was raiding non-stop with the boys for me, not having one last sexual interaction with a stranger or having a stranger's butt on my face or penis. I will not miss on out these during marriage anyways(omitting the stranger part).
That's it. It's therapy time tomorrow and thank you for the help.
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Comments
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scotswaehey
I will never understand why people like your Ex Fiancée throw it all away for one night
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BigBlackBlasphemer
Not just that, the whole group had banded together in solidarity to lie.
If it wasn't for one person, they would've gotten away with it, while gaslighting OP the whole time
I hope all those votes calling OP, an AH rightly feel like DA's.
15k and a cancelled wedding is still LOADS better than divorce after the fact. You're doing the absolute right thing.
Also, I AM petty enough to blast her publicly with receipts if she wants to play the victim and make me look like the bad guy.
And the first person I'll send the video of her cheating to is her Dad. See how she likes those apples
PSA: Don't be the simp guy who didn't want to send his "wife" to jail after everyone caught her trying to poison him with bleach in the coffee machine.
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SuccessfulSeaweed385
I had a lan party at my bachelor party and it was awesome. Fuck the haters and screw your ex. NTA.
FarquaadStoleMyWig
My brothers bachelor party was pizza, flip cup, and halo reach on system linked Xbox’s. Fucken best night ever
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I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP.
Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments

These past 2 years have been brutal, it's been L after L with no break.
I feel like a mouse in a maze that every time it approaches the exit is dragged back to the start by a hand from the sky.
It doesn't matter how much I try, the outcome is always the worst possible one.
I've gone from agnostic to full on believer because I don't think someone can be this unlucky without some almighty being involved in it.
I now fully believe God exists and either:

1. He is actively punishing me
2. He has left me stranded

   
Will keep it short since I know you hoes like reading this kind of shit:
 
Around 2 years ago I was leasing a horse, and giving it my all, I was earning an entry-level salary in a comfy remote work living with my parents. Keeping the horse was costing me pretty much my full salary. I didn't go out and did anything except lifting, running, riding and working.
For almost a year I was the happiest I had ever been, I literally jumped out of bed excited to live the day, I would work 8-4, lift in my home gym and go visit my horse, either riding, or just being with him, during the time I had him I didn't go a single day without seeing him.
Of course living like this means that I don't have the most social life or friends circle, but I didn't care since every hour of my life was busy.
My plan for the year was training and competing and then in September changing jobs and buying the horse, but in July the horse was injured, I didn't get the best veterinary advice and didn't know what to do, I was being drained for a horse I couldn't even ride or enjoy, after all those months of hard work and discipline, for some reason the owner got mad, and petty sold him behind my back.
During this time, my highschool best friend started regaining contact and started meeting with me and his gf, they gave me a lot of support during those weeks, against all odds, I nailed an interview for a high-paying job that would've allowed me to buy the horse and maintain it comfortably.
I was still too hurt from what had happened, so I just chilled for a few months, saving money, and hanging out with my friend and his gf, and lifting and running, I was at my physical peak, I was lifting heavier than ever, running faster and longer, I was optimistic for the future, I just needed time to heal and I had the means to do so, social life, earning money and physical activity.
 
Fast forward to December and I receive a cryptic message from my friend's GF saying that she wasn't going to be here for my birthday (we met the previous day) because my dumbass friend just broke up with her.
That basically destroyed my little social life since they were living in the city, and my friend disappeared to be with his new GF.
I tried to comfort her and be there for her (wasn't attracted and even if I were it wouldn't be right to take advantage of the situation).
The months of just working and lifting allowed me to save enough to start looking to buy my own horse, I was still hurting from the whole situation, and being alone, but still I was just lifting heavy, running, walking my dog, keeping myself busy.
In February after trying and vetting some horses, I found one that seemed promising. I bought a very expensive veterinary exam, and he passed it, allegedly, I buy the horse.
 
Long story short, barely 3 weeks into ownership, I started noticing pain and weird stuff that shouldn't be happening since I started with very soft work, a few weeks of going through 3 different vets, and basically the horse had a life-long injury that the first vet didn't catch in the exam, and basically it was done for, I was devastated, I tried some solutions but they we're not effective, it was over.
During those months, my friend's ex-gf started coming to visit me, we slept together (no sex), we talked every day, I gave her presents, one would say what I did was love bombing her, but to me It was just being there giving support, for her it turned into a situationship.
I still had the horse, I couldn't selling him while he was untrained, and I still had a bit of faith in the vet's advice, and then, suddenly, my knee started hurting, I was lucky that in my new job I had private insurance, so I could immediately go to the orthopedist and do an MRI without the long ass waits of the public health care (up to a year for the MRI), and lo and behold, torn meniscus, it rapidly went from "pain while running" to "some days I can't even fucking walk", I had to stop riding, paying my trainer to ride my horse since I needed to sell him, I had to stop running, I had to stop doing any leg gym exercises.
I didn't want to do the surgery since what I read online was very contradictory.
 
Because shit can always get worse, one day I was alone with my parents (we also live with my brother and grandma), and I notice the vibes being off, I ask “what the fuck is your problem?” and they confess that my father doesn’t like my mom anymore, well, not to get into too much detail but since then I’ve had to endure watching my mom cry, they get into arguments all the time, just awful, thing is I was already so drained from my personal bullshit that after the initial shock, It didn’t pain me too much, they just keep living together, although I hear them arguing from time to time.
During those months my ex-friend’s ex-gf kept catching feelings for me, and my autistic ass couldn't really read the situation so I made it worse. Finally she asked me if I was going serious with her or if she could go on about her life. I said that I didn't see her as my partner, and since then she got a boyfriend and our friendship went to shit.
 
I finally sold the horse, my life got extremely bored.
I decided to do the surgery since I couldn't do any of the things I enjoyed, running, riding, whatever, but I had a trip in January with her so I had to postpone it until then, for those months all I could do was going for walks like an old man, and hit the gym (all chest no legs), I was going kinda hard tho, since I knew that during the months of recovery I would lose a lot of muscle and I wanted to go in my best form, during those months I acquired my best physique ever, for the first time, after years of being constant, I liked how my body looked.
The trip was a mistake, she nagged me every minute of it, I could tell she had only gone because it was already paid for, I had postponed the surgery 2 months just to have a horrible weekend.
 
I did the surgery and the first bad news came, they couldn't fix the broken part of the meniscus, so they took it out, this was the worst possible outcome since it would mean a shorter recovery, but the probabilities of arthritis in the future were higher, off to a good start.
2 weeks later I start going to rehab, during those weeks nobody came to visit me, well, my friend did, only to talk shit on his new coworker (during those months he would only message me to talk shit about coworkers or work), nobody else, not the situationship, not my trainer, nobody.
Speaking about the situationship, after the trip, she stopped messaging me, and even replying at all. I thought, well, there it goes, I’ve lost “not being an unopened chat” privilege.
Some boring months of rehab, working the job that I started to dread, and doing the boring ass knee exercises at home, and then, suddenly a glimmer of hope.
 
I start being treated by a “new” physio, but turns out she had been on sick leave for the same reason as me, she tore her meniscus, during those first 3-4 sessions we talked and talked for the whole hour, she was just perfect, around my age, funny, cute, was active, played sports, had a nice body, she lives like 5 minutes walk from my house.
I immediately fell in love like I had never before in my life, and that’s when it came to me, this was it, every bad thing that happened to me has come to this, to meeting this girl, everything made sense, If I had my surgery earlier I would not have met her because she would be on sick leave. My broken meniscus, my lame horse, every bad thing that had happened to me had led me to her.
So I take my autistic ass, and since I felt like we had something cool going on I ask “Hey, I think you’re very interesting and cute and would like to know you better, can I have your number so we can meet and go for a drink some day?” and she actually did give it to me, I asked for her number instead of her IG because I didn’t want to play any game, I thought she wouldn’t give me her number unless she was interested in me, I was ecstatic.
I start texting her and after refusing to meet a few times (with actually convincing excuses) I ask her “Hey if you don't want its fine I won't bother you anymore, just tell me” and she basically told me that she didn’t want to break the physio-patient barrier, I didn’t understand anything but I didn’t want to make it weirder since she is still treating me so I just accepted it.
 
The thing is, I know where she lives, I have to walk past her apartment whenever I go for a walk, drive to town, I get reminded constantly, moving on is very hard, I really thought she was for me, I thought she was finally the reward for all my suffering, but turns out she's just part of the punishment, I legit had a religious revelation, every single bad thing that had happened, God made it so I went and met her, my knee injury, having to sell the horse, losing my friends, no way it was a coincidence.
 
Now that I know that she is not for me, not even as a friend, I have nothing, the knee recovery is not going well, I was supposed to be a-ok in 6 weeks, It’s been 3 months and I still can’t even go for a walk without swelling and pain, I can’t workout because the knee exercises take a long ass time and I feel like they’re not doing shit, I don’t have friends to meet and take my mind off it, every few weeks I have to see my mum weeping around the house because my father is a piece of shit.
 
And to top it all, I just started having similar pain in the good knee, so there is a possibility that even If I hadn’t done shit, it may be injured too, this shit just doesn’t end, it just fucking never ends.
     
TLDR: Everything that has ever given me pleasure or made me happy has been taken away from me. I went from getting out of bed full of hope and enthusiasm to sleeping through my alarms because the only thing I can do is sit in front of a screen. I’ve been having the worst day of my life every day for the past 2 years, after everything I’ve worked hard for and all the sacrifices I’ve made.

Frank could have slept in the trailer, but he preferred being in the van under current circumstances. He could scare off anyone who got a bright idea to try and steal the vehicle, for one thing. And if something happened in the motel room, if Jenna and Mike needed help, he was closer.
Not that any of that seemed likely; this place seemed dead as hell.
The motel was a not-too-busted-down place. The town it sat at the edge of was a wide-spot-in-the-road type. An out-of-the-way hamlet, some might call it. To Frank's parents, the town would have seemed ideal. Small enough to seem homey and friendly — and Christian, of course — but large enough to have the basic amenities: a pool of suckers for Mama's MLM sales and other schemes, people looking for someone like Papa who could at least seem to fix anything for cheap, and an attitude that led people to mind their own business, even with new folks and strangers, leaving no one too inclined to call in Youth Services or the equivalent at every sign of a bruise or a scrape or bleeding backs or broken limbs.
They'd done a lot of midnight runners out of places where people showed some level of neighborly concern. Left a lot of things behind in rented houses and apartments.
The best time had been when Frank was between the ages of five and seven. They lived with Grampa and Gramma Schnedeker then, and all the kids who were old enough got to go to proper school for a while, like school-school. Grampa Schnedeker needed a lot of looking after, and Gramma wanted the kids out of the house at least a few hours a day so as not to disturb him too much.
Since they got to go to school, Frank and his siblings right on either side actually learned to properly read and do the beginnings of math and such. Mama said all they needed to read was the Bible, and Papa said math was only important as far as helping him measure and cut lumber and pipe for projects, but still, the kids learned. And when Grampa Schnedeker died and the family moved on, the kids who had got school for a while tried to keep up and to teach things to the little ones.
That got stopped pretty quick, and Mama took over the "lessons," which really just meant she handed the kids their little workbooks every morning after breakfast and left them to work — QUIETLY as she always demanded — while she went and schmoozed sales or whatever. All the boys stopped having any "lessons" after 10 years old. That was when they would start going to work with Papa.
All the boys besides Frank, anyway. But that was before anyone besides Frank even knew that Frank was a boy.
And boy, had that been Hell on Earth when he finally outright told them he was a boy. Mama went to scream-praying like she tended to, and Papa tried to beat Frank to death, and then he did other things that really almost did kill Frank, but luckily Susie called 911.
It was Hell after, too. All that time in the hospital, and the stuff was on the news, and then Frank was sent to foster parents practically across the country. Those first ones were okay, except they also didn't believe Frank was a boy. They just tried to send him to a conversion therapist, who somehow luckily realized that there was no converting Frank and tipped off the social workers. Frank got new foster parents who accepted him, helped him get a name change, and even let him stay with them after he aged out of the foster system, until he could get his GED and see about college.
And then there was college, with his new name and his new clothes and finally being himself, and then the year of college, he met Jenna, and everything since then had been almost golden.
He could not sleep, crunched up in the driver's seat of the van with his head full of memories, so instead he just let it all play, the good and the bad, until it was almost sunrise and he needed to piss like a racehorse.
Then he got out of the van and went to knock at the door of the motel room. After he peed, he would ask Jenna if she minded taking the first shift driving today.
Gotta be up early and get everything together. Danna hated cooking, so Derick made breakfast, got the kids settled, and carried a plate back to his wife, still ensconced in the big bed in the back of the RV.
God had said that the wife should be the one to tend to the home and children, had he not? And yet, if the wife was unable to do some part of that, surely the man, in his free moments, should try and help. Thus, Derick would cook and would see that the children had breakfast, since Danna had such trouble sleeping, and then had trouble waking in the morning, especially when she was pregnant.
And if Danna's mother had never taught her to cook, well, that was the sin of Peggy Lynn Sooks, not her daughter. God would punish Peggy for her failures as a wife and mother.
Other than the sleeping trouble and the aversion to some of the arts of housewifery, Danna was excellent. She was really smart, figuring out how to put together all the social media stuff. And she was always ready to go whenever God told Derick they needed to pick up and move on. She greeted each trip, long or short, with joy, and she treated her other wifely obligations with equal joy.
Perhaps too much joy, sometimes. Danna, for example, took great joy in the act of procreation. That was good, of course, for they were to be fruitful and multiply and spread their family over the Earth to carry the Truth of God's message.
But the act of procreation, sacred and holy as it might be, was never something Derick greatly enjoyed. He did not, as he knew some husbands did, press his wife to fulfill her duties every night. In fact, their marriage had not been conssumated for nearly two months after the wedding, simply because Derick was disinclined. It took Danna reminding him that God's holy word also said a husband should satisfy his wife, and then they finally joined fully in their union.
Still, they did not do it often, unless Danna pressed Derick. As the years went on, she did so more and more, and so he let her have her desire. It was his duty as a husband.
Today, they would stay here. God had said they would be here about a week. Danna seemed happy with that, and the children seemed pleased as well.
They always seemed happiest when the family stopped wandering a while.
Derick had tried to explain to the children why they moved around so much, and why they must keep doing so. He thought perhaps the oldest two boys were beginning to understand. The little ones were still far from such wisdom, but there was time yet.
There was time.
3 Table of Contents

These past 2 years have been brutal, it's been L after L with no break.
I feel like a mouse in a maze that every time it approaches the exit is dragged back to the start by a hand from the sky.
It doesn't matter how much I try, the outcome is always the worst possible one.
I've gone from agnostic to full on believer because I don't think someone can be this unlucky without some almighty being involved in it.
I now fully believe God exists and either:

1. He is actively punishing me
2. He has left me stranded

   
Will keep it short since I know you hoes like reading this kind of shit:
 
Around 2 years ago I was leasing a horse, and giving it my all, I was earning an entry-level salary in a comfy remote work living with my parents. Keeping the horse was costing me pretty much my full salary. I didn't go out and did anything except lifting, running, riding and working.
For almost a year I was the happiest I had ever been, I literally jumped out of bed excited to live the day, I would work 8-4, lift in my home gym and go visit my horse, either riding, or just being with him, during the time I had him I didn't go a single day without seeing him.
Of course living like this means that I don't have the most social life or friends circle, but I didn't care since every hour of my life was busy.
My plan for the year was training and competing and then in September changing jobs and buying the horse, but in July the horse was injured, I didn't get the best veterinary advice and didn't know what to do, I was being drained for a horse I couldn't even ride or enjoy, after all those months of hard work and discipline, for some reason the owner got mad, and petty sold him behind my back.
During this time, my highschool best friend started regaining contact and started meeting with me and his gf, they gave me a lot of support during those weeks, against all odds, I nailed an interview for a high-paying job that would've allowed me to buy the horse and maintain it comfortably.
I was still too hurt from what had happened, so I just chilled for a few months, saving money, and hanging out with my friend and his gf, and lifting and running, I was at my physical peak, I was lifting heavier than ever, running faster and longer, I was optimistic for the future, I just needed time to heal and I had the means to do so, social life, earning money and physical activity.
 
Fast forward to December and I receive a cryptic message from my friend's GF saying that she wasn't going to be here for my birthday (we met the previous day) because my dumbass friend just broke up with her.
That basically destroyed my little social life since they were living in the city, and my friend disappeared to be with his new GF.
I tried to comfort her and be there for her (wasn't attracted and even if I were it wouldn't be right to take advantage of the situation).
The months of just working and lifting allowed me to save enough to start looking to buy my own horse, I was still hurting from the whole situation, and being alone, but still I was just lifting heavy, running, walking my dog, keeping myself busy.
In February after trying and vetting some horses, I found one that seemed promising. I bought a very expensive veterinary exam, and he passed it, allegedly, I buy the horse.
 
Long story short, barely 3 weeks into ownership, I started noticing pain and weird stuff that shouldn't be happening since I started with very soft work, a few weeks of going through 3 different vets, and basically the horse had a life-long injury that the first vet didn't catch in the exam, and basically it was done for, I was devastated, I tried some solutions but they we're not effective, it was over.
During those months, my friend's ex-gf started coming to visit me, we slept together (no sex), we talked every day, I gave her presents, one would say what I did was love bombing her, but to me It was just being there giving support, for her it turned into a situationship.
I still had the horse, I couldn't selling him while he was untrained, and I still had a bit of faith in the vet's advice, and then, suddenly, my knee started hurting, I was lucky that in my new job I had private insurance, so I could immediately go to the orthopedist and do an MRI without the long ass waits of the public health care (up to a year for the MRI), and lo and behold, torn meniscus, it rapidly went from "pain while running" to "some days I can't even fucking walk", I had to stop riding, paying my trainer to ride my horse since I needed to sell him, I had to stop running, I had to stop doing any leg gym exercises.
I didn't want to do the surgery since what I read online was very contradictory.
 
Because shit can always get worse, one day I was alone with my parents (we also live with my brother and grandma), and I notice the vibes being off, I ask “what the fuck is your problem?” and they confess that my father doesn’t like my mom anymore, well, not to get into too much detail but since then I’ve had to endure watching my mom cry, they get into arguments all the time, just awful, thing is I was already so drained from my personal bullshit that after the initial shock, It didn’t pain me too much, they just keep living together, although I hear them arguing from time to time.
During those months my ex-friend’s ex-gf kept catching feelings for me, and my autistic ass couldn't really read the situation so I made it worse. Finally she asked me if I was going serious with her or if she could go on about her life. I said that I didn't see her as my partner, and since then she got a boyfriend and our friendship went to shit.
 
I finally sold the horse, my life got extremely bored.
I decided to do the surgery since I couldn't do any of the things I enjoyed, running, riding, whatever, but I had a trip in January with her so I had to postpone it until then, for those months all I could do was going for walks like an old man, and hit the gym (all chest no legs), I was going kinda hard tho, since I knew that during the months of recovery I would lose a lot of muscle and I wanted to go in my best form, during those months I acquired my best physique ever, for the first time, after years of being constant, I liked how my body looked.
The trip was a mistake, she nagged me every minute of it, I could tell she had only gone because it was already paid for, I had postponed the surgery 2 months just to have a horrible weekend.
 
I did the surgery and the first bad news came, they couldn't fix the broken part of the meniscus, so they took it out, this was the worst possible outcome since it would mean a shorter recovery, but the probabilities of arthritis in the future were higher, off to a good start.
2 weeks later I start going to rehab, during those weeks nobody came to visit me, well, my friend did, only to talk shit on his new coworker (during those months he would only message me to talk shit about coworkers or work), nobody else, not the situationship, not my trainer, nobody.
Speaking about the situationship, after the trip, she stopped messaging me, and even replying at all. I thought, well, there it goes, I’ve lost “not being an unopened chat” privilege.
Some boring months of rehab, working the job that I started to dread, and doing the boring ass knee exercises at home, and then, suddenly a glimmer of hope.
 
I start being treated by a “new” physio, but turns out she had been on sick leave for the same reason as me, she tore her meniscus, during those first 3-4 sessions we talked and talked for the whole hour, she was just perfect, around my age, funny, cute, was active, played sports, had a nice body, she lives like 5 minutes walk from my house.
I immediately fell in love like I had never before in my life, and that’s when it came to me, this was it, every bad thing that happened to me has come to this, to meeting this girl, everything made sense, If I had my surgery earlier I would not have met her because she would be on sick leave. My broken meniscus, my lame horse, every bad thing that had happened to me had led me to her.
So I take my autistic ass, and since I felt like we had something cool going on I ask “Hey, I think you’re very interesting and cute and would like to know you better, can I have your number so we can meet and go for a drink some day?” and she actually did give it to me, I asked for her number instead of her IG because I didn’t want to play any game, I thought she wouldn’t give me her number unless she was interested in me, I was ecstatic.
I start texting her and after refusing to meet a few times (with actually convincing excuses) I ask her “Hey if you don't want its fine I won't bother you anymore, just tell me” and she basically told me that she didn’t want to break the physio-patient barrier, I didn’t understand anything but I didn’t want to make it weirder since she is still treating me so I just accepted it.
 
The thing is, I know where she lives, I have to walk past her apartment whenever I go for a walk, drive to town, I get reminded constantly, moving on is very hard, I really thought she was for me, I thought she was finally the reward for all my suffering, but turns out she's just part of the punishment, I legit had a religious revelation, every single bad thing that had happened, God made it so I went and met her, my knee injury, having to sell the horse, losing my friends, no way it was a coincidence.
 
Now that I know that she is not for me, not even as a friend, I have nothing, the knee recovery is not going well, I was supposed to be a-ok in 6 weeks, It’s been 3 months and I still can’t even go for a walk without swelling and pain, I can’t workout because the knee exercises take a long ass time and I feel like they’re not doing shit, I don’t have friends to meet and take my mind off it, every few weeks I have to see my mum weeping around the house because my father is a piece of shit.
 
And to top it all, I just started having similar pain in the good knee, so there is a possibility that even If I hadn’t done shit, it may be injured too, this shit just doesn’t end, it just fucking never ends.
     
TLDR: Everything that has ever given me pleasure or made me happy has been taken away from me. I went from getting out of bed full of hope and enthusiasm to sleeping through my alarms because the only thing I can do is sit in front of a screen. I’ve been having the worst day of my life every day for the past 2 years, after everything I’ve worked hard for and all the sacrifices I’ve made.

My friend and I have always had an on again and off again friendship. We have known each other for over 15 years and have been “off again” because of either significant others not liking our friendship, or distance. This most recent “on again” has been going on for about a year or so, and we haven’t gone more than a day or two without talking to each other. I even went to visit him for our birthdays (they’re very close together). We have gotten very close in this time, and have even talked about the possibility of a future together. Since he is currently working in another country for work, we said we would visit that “future us” bridge and decide if we would cross it when he moved back home, and have remained really good friends in the meantime.
In the past, when we hadn’t heard from each other for a day, we both have reached out and acknowledged the odd behavior. His words in the most recent instance is “I recognize our relationship and also recognize when we aren’t showing up for our normal interactions and this…. Isn’t normal. So what’s going on?” So it’s not like it’s a one sided thing…
This is where the behavior I am questioning and finding very confusing comes into play. As I said, he lives out of the country for work, and he has recently taken a month long leave from work to see family. He’s just over halfway through his leave, and has about a week and a half, maybe 2 weeks left. As I said, in this last year we haven’t gone more than a day or two without talking to each other. Since he’s been on his vacation to see his family, he has ghosted me… kinda?
About a week before he left, he told me “you have been my priority for the past few months, but while I’m at home, I need to make my kids and family the priority… I’m telling you this because we won’t be able to talk as much.” I said “I hope it won’t be a month without talking because that might be difficult, but I understand. And by the way, I hope I never come as a priority above your kids...” He said “no, it won’t be a month, just not as much”. We video chatted the day before he left for almost 2 hours, he told me that he missed me. He was messaging me while he was on the plane and again in the airport, but the second he got picked up from the airport, it’s been radio silence from him. I haven’t gotten a text message or a phone call from him since. I knew I wasn’t going to be seeing him this trip home, since I just saw him, so it’s not like he ditched me or didnt show up for plans… The strange part, I suppose, is while I haven’t gotten any calls or texts, I’ve gotten some reactions to my messages, and he’s sent me some Facebook videos and TikTok’s. The first week, the only thing I got was a reaction to the message I sent him while he was leaving the airport. This past week, every day or two, he’s sent me a few Facebook videos or some TikTok’s. That, in and of itself, is not strange since he would do that prior to his trip, but the fact that he isn’t talking at all, but is still sending random videos… is. That’s why I don’t know if I can even call this ghosting. I don’t know if this friendship is just over and I’m just looking too far into this or holding onto something that just isn’t there anymore, or if he just needs his space for now and sending videos is his way of saying like… I’m still here. I don’t really know what to think… I have an anxious bean brain and I overthink, so I am looking for some outside perspective. Any thoughts or advice redditers?

I (33F) and my friend V (33NB) met when we were 9 and have been friends ever since. After university we moved between the city and home as our plans dictated. 8 years ago I moved back to live with my parents while getting my career as a writer going
After I moved away, things changed. I took 7hr coach trips to visit V a few times a year for birthdays, Christmas etc. V never cleaned when I was visiting they also never came to visit me. Even when I had the house to myself
I got my first book published and wrote acknowledgements to V for being so supportive. I was on a visit when the book was delivered and they opened the package and didn't look inside the book just put it aside. I told myself I was ridiculous for caring about this
I noticed that V didn't like my 'publication day' posts, or send me even a message on those days. I had offered them free books but V had said they wanted to 'support me' by buying them. But they admitted that they have not been - not even 99p ebooks
V recently left bf and moved in with a gf. They are getting 'not-married' and V wanted me to do a speech. I didn't know their new gf and V and I were barely communicating. I felt like I didn't know my best friend well enough to do this for them. So we talked about it and agreed to have weekly video calls to reconnect
I felt like the calls were more about getting me to the not-wedding than fixing our friendship. Last call I was ignored for 30mins, while they chatted. After this I decided not to go to the not-wedding and confronted V again
V told me they had 'changed what they were willing to offer as a friend'. I pointed out that they hadn't told me that. I asked if my parents died would they come and see me. They said that 'life might get in the way'. The fact that I didn't know they felt that way and might have needed them badly when I found out what they were 'willing to offer' cut me deeply. They said they wanted to be there for the fun stuff and to celebrate tho.
This was the month of my bday and I told them they didn't have to worry about a present or anything atm. They ignored that in their reply. In the end I sent a message 1wk before my bday, basically saying I couldn’t do this anymore and that they had been imo a bad friend recently so it would be best if we parted ways.
They never responded the messages show as unread on FB. 5 days later, on my bday, I messaged to say that I was sorry I hadn't been able to phrase that more gently, and that they were obviously not going to talk to me, so, thank you for 20yrs and goodbye
I don't understand why they decided not to even say goodbye, and yet didn't unfriend me anywhere just left me to do it/remove them. I feel like they just don't give a crap about me and couldn't even give closure
AITBF for how I handled this?

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Running the Race of Faith: Embracing the Journey with Hebrews 12:1-2

Are you ready for an uplifting deep-dive into one of the most energizing passages in the Bible? Let’s uncover the treasures hidden within Hebrews 12:1-2, and understand how these verses can act as your spiritual compass navigating the ups and downs of life’s journey. Grab your running shoes, and let’s embark on this race of faith together!

Discovering the Essence of Hebrews 12:1-2

The book of Hebrews stands as a magnificent literary bridge between the Old and New Testaments, and Hebrews 12:1-2 shines brightly as a cornerstone of encouragement and inspiration. This passage urges us to visualize our spiritual journey as a race marked out for us, encouraging us to run with perseverance, shedding any weights or sins that hold us back, all while keeping our eyes fixed on Jesus, the pioneer, and perfecter of faith.

Unpacking the Power of Perseverance and Faith

Understanding Hebrews 12:1-2 in our daily lives requires us to break down its components and discover how each element can nourish our spiritual journey:

• Surrounded by a Cloud of Witnesses: Imagine being cheered on by the heroes of faith from the Bible. This verse reminds us that we’re part of an epic story, one that is filled with individuals who have triumphantly walked the path of faith before us.
• Shedding Weights and Sins: Just as a runner wouldn’t wear heavy boots in a race, we’re encouraged to let go of anything that hinders our spiritual growth, be it habits, doubts, or sins that entangle us.
• Running with Perseverance: The Christian life isn’t a sprint; it’s a marathon. This verse compels us to keep moving forward, undeterred by obstacles, guided by unwavering faith in God’s promises.
• Fixing Our Eyes on Jesus: He is our ultimate role model. By focusing on Jesus and his sacrifice for us, we find the strength and inspiration needed to face any challenge with grace and courage.

Incorporating Hebrews 12:1-2 Into Your Daily Life

How can we apply the powerful message of Hebrews 12:1-2 in our everyday lives? It starts with intentionality:

1. Begin each day by reflecting on the ‘cloud of witnesses,’ drawing inspiration from their faith and resilience.
2. Identify and address anything that may be hindering your spiritual growth.
3. Embrace life’s challenges with a determined heart, knowing that you are running a race designed for you by God.
4. Keep your focus on Jesus, allowing His example to guide your thoughts, decisions, and actions.

Join the Race of Faith

Hebrews 12:1-2 is not just a passage; it’s a rallying call to each of us, inviting us to join the race of faith with enthusiasm and dedication. By shedding what holds us back and fixing our eyes on Jesus, we are empowered to run this race with perseverance, surrounded by a great ‘cloud of witnesses.’
Are you ready to take up the challenge? Let the words of Hebrews 12:1-2 be your guide as you navigate the intricacies of faith, inspiring you to run with endurance the race marked out for you. Let’s keep moving forward, always aiming for that finish line, with our eyes locked on the prize—Jesus, our Savior, and Champion.
Let’s embrace this journey together! Dive deep into the Word, let it shape your heart and actions. And remember, when the race feels long or the path seems daunting, look up to Jesus, draw on His strength, and keep pressing forward. The reward is worth every step.
If you want to want to research more Bible Answers on your own, please try our Bible Answers GPT. It’s easy to get lost in the interesting responses you’ll find… every search is like a new treasure hunt 🙂
Source =

Hello there,
Before we dive in, let's talk dealbreakers. These are non-negotiables for me, so if any apply to you, it's best to skip my post. (Please respect my preferences, and refrain from dismissing them as delusional.)
Dealbreakers: - You're not open to relocating in the future. (I've got roots - a home, farm, and a non-remote job. I cannot leave that.) - Hygiene isn't a priority for you. - You're not into anything 'esoteric/occult.' or you think this is bullshit - You're deeply devoted to Christianity, Islam, or Judaism. (I'm Pagan; our paths won't align.) - You thrive in big cities and can't imagine village life. - Exotic travels are your thing. - You're just here for casual dating, not something serious. - You deny the reality of mental illnesses. (I'm on my way to becoming a therapist.) - You're not a fan of girls with piercings and tattoos. - Basic live skills like cooking or cleaning aren't your forte. - You're without a job or driving license. - Future children aren't in your plans. - Monogamy isn't your style.
If you don't check any of those boxes, let's continue:
Bonus Points if: - You're into Slavic/Nordic folklore. - You reside in Europe. - You're curious and love to learn. - You're open to a Female-Led-Relationship (FLR). - Phone calls about your day, thoughts, and dreams are your jam. - Fantasy, games, and all things nerdy excite you.
About me:
I stand at 150cm, currently 75kg (and dropping), a curvy brunette. Though my background is in IT engineering, I've veered off that path. However, if you're in the field, I can still keep up with the tech talk! Glasses, piercings, tattoos - they're all part of me. I believe that love transcends appearances; I'm more interested in brains and skills than looks. In your first message Tell me something about yourself. What is your favourite flower? Feel free to slide into my DMs (untill i will find my Prince Charming)
I'm looking forward to getting to know you.

🪞
Welcome back to the Asylum write-up, where we explore the decade-long slow-motion car crash that is the Emilie Autumn fandom.
Sorry this installment took so long to upload! Just a heads-up, I may take some time to deliver the last one too – these posts take forever to format on Reddit's finicky-ass editor, and my dumb real life is currently keeping me from precious Internet time. Thank you for your patience! You have my word that everyone who pre-ordered the final installment will receive a PERSONAL, HANDWRITTEN letter autographed and illustrated by me, a list of the snacks I consumed while composing this write-up, some exclusive behind-the-scenes secrets, and a pony.
Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4.1 – Part 4.2 Part 5

Places, everyone This is a test Throw your stones Do your damage Your worst, and your best (...) And if I had a dollar For every time I repented the sin And commit the same crime I'd be sitting on top of the world today (“God Help Me”, 2006🎵)

Quick recap of where we left off. First, there were five to ten halcyon years of pleasant and meaningful interactions between EA and her blossoming fanbase, prominently by way of her official forum. Then, circa 2009-2010, EA's online presence shifted towards sudden anger outbursts, ban-hammering, and an increasingly top-down communication style.
This created a sort of primordial rift within the fanbase, between those who supported EA's right to speak her mind and regulate her own fan spaces however she pleased – and those who thought that her reactions were rude and inappropriate (at best), and that even fan spaces should allow for reasonable, non-abusive criticism of the artist.
Between a poorly-handled book release (see Part 3), the controversial (Part 2) or dubiously true (Part 4) contents of said book, and serious shade from various former collaborators (Part 5), more and more fans had pressing thoughts about EA's work ethic and choices. EA attempted damage control through drastic forum rules that made it virtually impossible to voice any “serious” critical opinion. It didn't work, of course: instead of squashing the mutiny, she created a schism.
Critical fans and active haters started congregating on unofficial platforms.

“WITH MUFFINS LIKE THIS, WHO NEEDS ENEMIES?”: TROLL LIKE A GIRL

So here we were, the early 2010s. The official forum (which had about 700 members in 2006, if you recall) was now thousands-strong, reaching just over 12,000 registered users in 2012 – not all of them active, but still. In terms of sheer numbers and content creation, the party was POPPIN'... but increasingly in parts of the Asylum that escaped EA's jurisdiction, such as Tumblr, where they could speak their mind freely.

You play the victim very well You've built your self-indulgent hell You wanted someone to understand you Well, be careful what you wish for, because I do (“I Know Where You Sleep”, 2006🎵)

In one wing of Asylum Tumblr, a smattering of call-out blogs emerged, which laid out EA's various lies, faux pas, shitty takes, and general deep-seated terribleness in detailed timelines and screenshots (or, short of that, long-winded bullet points). While many such blogs framed it as “serious” whistleblowing and did their best to remain as fact-based and neutral as they could, there was some genuine disgust, animosity and creepiness towards EA on that side of Tumblr; for some ex-fans, “exposing the truth” was mostly justify obsessive hatred, prying and verbal abuse. Some, for instance, felt the bizarre need to side with EA's mother in their estrangement. (One user, with the URL “emilyautumnfischkopf”, argued in a serious and down-to-earth tone - but with zero sources - that EA's upbringing had been nothing but peaceful and supportive until she ungratefully kicked her loving family to the curb for no reason at all. They were later revealed 🔍 to have an alternate handle as “eaisalyingcunt”.)
Either way, through these blogs, a number of potential drama bombs that had mostly flown under the radar were dredged up from over the years – some of which were hard to ignore, even for supportive fans. Where to begin?
There was that nonsense in-joke song, captured twice on camera during the 2009 tour (to very little outrage, at the time), crassly called “Manatee Retard”📺. Or EA's scathing response, in print, to a wheelchair user who found it insensitive that she used a bedazzled wheelchair as a prop to do sexy acrobatics on stage. (“Your offence taken at my hard-won self-acceptance proves that I indeed have something to fight against”, she wrote). Spoken word tracks where she made trivializing knock-knock jokes about serious mental illnesses she didn't have, like schizophrenia and OCD. Multiple instances of calling Britney Spears a “bimbo” and a “Hollywood fucked-up”, resentfully claiming that she only shaved her head because she was “hopped up on drugs” and certainly not because she was “bipolar”, a word the press liked to wield as an insult anyway. (“That's almost like calling someone a retard!” Yeah, heaven forbid.) The meanest, most distasteful paragraphs in the book. Basically everything problematic EA had ever said or written.📝 In retrospect, it had been a long time coming, but it was a lot to take in – and certainly more off-putting, even to less emotionally invested fans, than silly lies about her age and last name.
In another wing of Asylum Tumblr, some fans had had it up to here and just wanted to have fun. 🎵 If Plague Rats had learned one valuable lesson from EA, it was how to crack a joke in the face of absurd tragedy – and the general state of the EA fandom certainly warranted a few.
In 2012, Fight Like a Girl was released. After six long years, three of which had been peaceful, the Opheliac era was officially over. The new album and ensuing tour confirmed that the Asylum had entered a process of glamorous Broadway-style militarization. 🎵📺
The mood board was “Roman general meets Vegas showgirl meets Victorian street urchin”.🪞 The color palette was, to naysayers, “musty pink and rotten, stale piss yellow”. 🐀 The keyword was “REVENGE” (through the power of... self-expression! sorority! brutal assault with rusty medical implements!). The chorus of the title song had an intriguing run-on line about getting “revenge on the world, or at least 49% of the people in it” 🎵 – which seemed like an awful lot, and was widely interpreted (to cheers, boos, or uncomfortable sighs) as a misandrist jab at literally all men on Earth.
The show was essentially a demo version of the musical, in that the setlist vaguely reflected the order of events in the story – but prior reading was essential in order to get what the hell was going on on stage. This one Broadway reviewer had not perused the literature before seeing the show 🔍, and hated: the set, the choreography, the skits, the plot, the lyrics, the music, the concept. (Seriously, you should read the review. It's not even my show and I feel like quitting show business.)
Pre-show VIP encounters, now violin-free, were lorded over by EA's new manager🐀, whose official title was “Asylum Headmistress”. (Interesting choice – she sounds fun!) The swag bags were less substantial than before, and the “greet” part of the meet-and-greet was rarely more than a quick hug and photo op.
On Twitter, EA continued to embrace her “I am very badass” fronting attitude...

Often wonder if cyberbullies r aware they’re fucking w/ a girl who’s BFs w/ maker of the SAW films & is marrying a knife-throwing scorpion. (🐀📝)

...and her taste for needlessly inflammatory statements. About an aisle sign in a supermarket:

If this does not infuriate you, then you're a fucking potato.

(Again with the confounding crypto-ableism, EA! 🔍) She also went through a phase of raging against Lady Gaga 📝, who had stolen her idea of using a wheelchair on stage as an able-bodied woman. 🔍 That failed to convince anyone that she wasn't the histrionic diva that haters made her out to be.
Spurred on by EA's rallying cries and “us vs them” mentality, loyalists turned the white-knighting up to 11. On Twitter, some Plague Rats got into cat fights with Lady Gaga's Little Monsters (what a time to be alive). Others tried to balance out the Tumblr negativity with initiatives like “Spreading a Plague of Love” – a “positive-only” confession blog, whose extreme fangirling, comically drastic rules and hyper-defensive tone📝 did not debunk the increasingly popular notion that “true Plague Rats” were a bunch of authoritarian and hopelessly brainwashed fanatics.
EA truthers and other anti-fans started lashing out at anyone who dared express any positive opinion of EA, solidifying claims that the backlash against EA was just a conspiracy of bitter, hysterical bullies.
All this to say: every passing day brought new reasons for fans to get mad at EA and each other, and everyone in the Asylum was in need of a laugh. It's not easy having a good time.🦠
Leading up to Fight Like a Girl and in the years that followed, user-submission-based meme blogs took off, most notably “Spreading a Plague of Lulz / Troll Like a Girl”. A lot of the early submissions were absurdist humor and toothless, cheezburger-Impact memes (a style that was, oddly, already dated at the time). Those often originated in good fun, and from loyal fans, on the official forum. But there was also true snark, satirizing EA's questionable ethics, outrageous claims, and easily spoofed artistic gimmicks. A new slang of Asylumspeak emerged: Glittertits (slight NSFW), GAGA!!, EA Gusta and all its memeface variants, Get outta mah house!, Are You Suffering?, Fight Like A Goat, [Random celebrity] copied EA (a subgenre in its own right), ...
Most of the “trolling” was directed at unrepentant bootlickers and, to a lesser extent, red-in-the-face haters and creeps. Meme blogs would post joke comments under “serious” or gushing submissions on Wayward Victorian Confessions, and taunt loyalist accounts by tagging them in their posts. When a few people complained on WVC that almost all of the Bloody Crumpets to date had been thin white able-bodied women, and a few fans responded by sharing their dream-casts for a more diverse line-up, the blog was flooded for days with confessions that “X should be a Crumpet” (candidates included RuPaul, Mitt Romney, Nicki Minaj, EA's therapist, and the WVC admins). Farcical shenanigans like that.
Ah, but some people will always cross the line, won't they. EA threads popped up on merciless, bully-friendly snark platforms like Lolcow, Pretty Ugly Little Liar, and Encyclopedia Dramatica. Snarkers with a mean streak and obsessive haters mingled in some of the more aggressive, 4-chan-spirited retaliation against EA – which would be called “brigading” in modern parlance. This included flooding EA's Goodreads page with one-star reviews (see part 4), repeatedly editing her Wikipedia page to include her legal name and birth year, and ensuring that Googling said name would bring up current pictures of her.
All of this compounded agitation fragmented the once-united fandom beyond recognition.🦠 Through substantial disagreements among fans, personal bickerings, layers upon layers of inscrutable in-jokes, and cross-platform telephone games, the Asylum morphed into a booby-trapped Escher room.
Satire blogs were taken in earnest. Earnest fan blogs scanned as satire. Memes would get called out as abuse. Appreciation without attached criticism would get mocked as bootlicking. Obvious jokes made by EA would be taken at face value. One divisive confession could trigger days and days of debate, to the point that WVC eventually banned confessions in response to other confessions. New waves of infighting created a confusing web of rival sub-factions🐀, each accusing the others of being toxic, cliquish, and delusional.
The shared fantasy was broken, the collective vision had crumbled, no onez was speaking the same language anymore. Fans would jump down the throat of other fans who held almost identical views about EA, except for that one thing she said or did that one time. Everyone had differing thoughts on what should or shouldn't acceptable to discuss, question, excuse, make fun of.
War is hell.

SCORCHED EARTH SHENANIGANS: HONEY, I SHRUNK THE ASYLUM

Would you tear my castle down Stone by stone And let the wind run through my windows Till there was nothing left But a battered rose? (“Castle Down”, 2003🎵)

Haters vs sycophants is not really the kind of conflict where one side can come out on top (if you're participating, you've already lost). But in the long tug-of-war between “grassroots” and “EA-sponsored” fan spaces, the ultimate winner is obvious – in that the former is gasping in agony, a shriveled husk of its former glory, while the latter... is non-existent. This is due in no small part to EA's tendency, like the Czars of old, to settle conflicts by setting Moscow on fire.🔍)
That's not entirely fair: unlike EA, the czar only did it that once.
By early 2013, as EA was gearing up for her third Fight Like a Girl tour at the end of the year, the official forum was... not as lively as it once had been. Not just because of the stifling rules and disgruntlement towards EA, or because EA herself hadn't really posted anything on there in years; the Internet was also changing, and forums in general were fast becoming passé.
This made it difficult for EA to create a safe space where she could talk to fans, and fans could talk to and about her, in a way she deemed suitable (ie, a space she could gate-keep and regulate enough to keep it completely free from negative criticism). Social media was a minefield; she still posted regularly, but didn't interact very much. So EA and the Headmistress came up with a way to filter out the unbelievers: an official fan club📝, aptly called the “Asylum Army”, with a $100 entry price.
Joining the AA came with a dog tag, a sew-on patch, and a lifetime membership certificate signed by EA and – for some reason – the Headmistress. (Unlike EA's best friend and sound engineer back in the forum's heyday, I don't think fans ever really embraced the FLAG-era manager as part of the Asylum in-group. She came across more as a coordinator / businessperson / adult chaperone, at best.🐀) So, slightly better goodies than you'd get by joining the other AA 🔍 ... but not by much. The main appeal was that members would have access to exclusive content, special merch, giveaways, early bird tickets for future shows, and regular video chats with EA.
The concept itself drew a fair amount of criticism, as you can imagine. Between the name🐀, the price, and the inherent gatekeeping of a pay-to-join fanclub, many balked at the monetizing of a concept that had once (like, three years back) been significantly more DIY, grassroots, and inclusive. 📝🐀
Then again, many also longed for a positive, drama-free space where fans could just be fans. And while the creation of the AA was generally recognized as a quick cashgrab, a lot of people were surprisingly cool with it. EA was trying to finance her dream musical, after all – although a number of fans wished she had gone about raising funds in a less sketchy way.
So around 400 fans shelled out (which, according to the Headmistress📝, “basically cover[ed] the cost of running the fanclub itself – keeping the database up, website, etc.”). Enough for a close-knit, but sizable community. But already, there was a conflict of interest: a high fanclub entry fee essentially demands that you pledge loyalty to the artist over loyalty to your fellow fans, who wish to join but can't afford to. Sharing, caring, and ensuring no one felt left out were some of the more positive values cultivated in the fandom... but leaking exclusive content would surely piss off other paying members🐀, and make EA feel betrayed all over again. (And she had barely just started to mellow out on social media!)
...But then again, this is the internet. After the first month of secret AA drops (lyric sheets, some photoshoot outtakes – nothing too juicy, really), there were, yes, some leaks. EA was predictably miffed, and retaliated by... ghosting the fanclub for weeks at a time in its first few months of existence (great look!). She eventually found the “solution” to her problem, by providing something you couldn't right-click-save (and which had been part of the promised perks to begin with): live interaction.
Over webcam, she was her usual in-person bubbly, charming, funny self. Everyone seemingly had a good time during the fanclub video chat, and this gave people faith and hope.
There were a few more events, giveaways, etc. As promised, ahead of the fall 2013 tour (the last one to date, it would turn out), AA members got priority access to show tickets and VIP bundles. The latter were much pricier than before, and only included soundcheck, a photo-op, and three goodies: a tin of loose-leaf tea, a signed printer-paper setlist, and a small flag that said “F.L.A.G.”.🔍 Some stuff continued to leak – but, as some of the outlaws pointed out (scroll down to the Disqus comments), they were mostly relaying information that was relevant to the entire fanbase, such as updates about ongoing projects (the dragged-out recording of the audiobook, for one).
In early 2014, lifetime memberships were closed, and replaced with monthly, quarterly and yearly subscription tiers. Bizarrely, you ended up paying $3 more per month if you bought a $99 yearly subscription📝 – but it did include the patch, dog tag, and piece of paper!

Sometimes I kind of want to be part of the cool kids and register to the Asylum Army. Then I remember how it came about, what you could get for the same price a couple years ago, how the whole thing was and is handled, and that I won’t support any of this bullshit. (And then I roll around naked in all the money I’m saving.) (🐀)

Still, a number of fans rejoiced at the affordable monthly option, and joined – if not for the exclusive content and merch (which were... okay, but not much to write home about), then for the friendly, drama-free exchanges with an artist they actually did love, in spite of all the frustration.
For the still-too-poor or still-undecided, there was always the forum! It wasn't as active as it used to be, but a few die-hards still managed to keep the lights on... until, inevitably, Someone Did Something and Ruined Everything. (Once again: EA's wrath is spectacular, but rarely completely unprovoked.) The incident features one notable figure in the Asylum community. Let's call him the Collector.
OK, so maybe you remember the meme I linked to in Part 4, with Christian Grey and the ginormous EA hoard. Well, that's the Collector's collection. The “Violin” promo that I called the "Holy Grail of the fandom" in the same paragraph? Also his. The handwritten lyrics that went for $940? Guess who won that auction. Over the years, the Collector had probably spent five figures on EA merch and shows, and although that fact was a little unsettling, he was a very active, easy-going, and generally well-liked fixture of the fandom.
One day in 2012, shortly after the Headmistress had replaced EA's old Chicago BFF as main forum admin, the Collector's account got banned or restricted over something dumb. When the ban wasn't lifted as quickly as he hoped, he took it... the way one takes things when one is unhealthily invested: he started spamming Headmistress and the mod team with increasingly rambling and abusive emails (lost to time, probably for the best). When that didn't work quickly enough, he tried a different route.
One of the many auctions that the Collector had won, some years prior, was EA's old iPod Touch📝 – which contained all of her favorite tunes and, buried somewhere in the data cache... a phone number. Which the Collector tried calling. And wouldn't you know it: EA picked up. She congratulated him on his sleuthing skills, listened patiently as he made his case, apologized for any distress caused by the unfair account restriction, and then they got married.
Kidding! She freaked the fuck out, hung up, and banned him for life from the forum and all EA shows and events.
After his ban, the Collector allegedly still tried to attend at least one VIP pre-show (one source in the comments says he was allowed to buy some merch, refunded for his ticket, and escorted out). He joined the Reform forum to bitch about EA and try to rally people to his cause, possibly made revenge posts about her on darker snark forums, and continued to hound the Asylum mod team. So in June 2014, EA came up with a radical and unexpected fix to the Collector problem.

The official Asylum Fan Forum has been shut down permanently. I have personally paid thousands of dollars each year to keep the forum safe and secure for you ... Unfortunately, the forum has not been kept safe and secure for me, a truth which disappoints me greatly, instead becoming a place where people who have physically threatened myself and my staff prey upon forum members, pressuring them to contact me and my staff on their behalf. If the gullible wish to humor my stalkers (who live in their parent’s basement at age 30 something) and thus put me in danger, they may do it on their own dime. They may also fuck off, because stupidity can kill, and I won’t be your victim. To those who enjoyed the forum, you know who to thank for its closure. (“On the closing of the Asylum Forum”)

Voilà! This is how a decade-long archive of shared history ends: not with a bang, but with a dirty delete and a sod-off communiqué.
The obliteration of the forum took everyone by surprise...

I was actually on the forum when it was taken down. I was navigating between posts and when I went to click on a different board, an error message came up. I honestly cried a little, I'm not ashamed to say. (WVC admin on Reddit, 2024)

...and I do mean everyone:

Chicago BFF / ex-admin, the next morning: Whoa, EA forum shut down? Ex-mod: It turns out that if someone spends enough years actively “waging war” to destroy what they can’t have, eventually they’ll be successful. * eye roll * Not even mods got prior warning. Just all the sudden, poof, gone. BFF: Really? She did not let the moderators know?! This is sounding worse and worse. Uggh. I’m so sorry. Such a loss. (...) Ok, threats are serious, but why not just put it in archive mode so no one can post? (...) Sad. I shall light a candle in the forum's honor. (Facebook posts; scroll down for screenshots)

It was a gut punch, especially for people who had poured countless hours into the community, or could have used some prior warning to save years of their own writing from the role-playing threads. One last chance to take a look around the place that had meant so much to so many.

From the wording of the announcement of closing the forum and a number of other things, it sometimes seems like EA doesn't like her fans much. :/ (🐀)

Three months after the forum was nuked, Battered Rose (a venerable EA fansite, which had been around since the Enchant era and had one of the most complete EA galleries online) announced that it was shutting down too.📝 The admin, who had also been a long-time forum mod, cited a lack of “time, energy, passion, or money” to keep the website going... and being upset at the sudden disappearance of the forum. It was, truly, the end of an era for the Asylum.
...Well, no point in living in the past. For those who could afford it, and still wanted to talk to/about EA after that (not everyone did 🐀), there was always the Asylum Army fanclub!
Over the summer of 2014, EA held regular live chats and Q&A's, and... many attendees really enjoyed them, and thought the AA was well worth the money after all. She also quietly parted ways with the much poo-pooed Headmistress around that time.

Just spent over 4 hours giggling, drinking tea and playing guessing games in chat with EA and other Asylum Army members ... No griping, no downers, just lots of fun. I think I like the way the ‘new fandom’ is going and now I’m really glad I finally decided to join the Army. (September 4, 2014🐀; Battered Rose had closed the day before)

The forum was lost forever, but perhaps that was a chance for a fresh start. Could this fanclub thing really be the Asylum Renaissance that fans had been longing for?

...I have come today to a very difficult but necessary decision, and that is to discontinue the Emilie Autumn Official Fanclub. The site itself, and the community chatroom, will remain open to you indefinitely, but I will no longer be making updates to the site. (Newsletter, September 8, 2014📝)

...Never mind, then.
Turns out the fanclub had been the Headmistress' idea all along. EA had been reluctant from the start, and although she really enjoyed the live chats with a safe community of people “who are there for the right reasons”, she couldn't overcome her fundamental discomfort with the concept. Lifetime and regular members would receive a bunch of digital downloads and a -35% coupon on the Asylum Emporium for their troubles. EA said she would definitely pop back once in a while for live chats, for free, just for fun, but to my knowledge, she never did.
And so the most devoted fans were left standing in the rain...

She is happy, she made it. She is fulfilling her dreams, found love and happiness after all the pain. I understand that she now doesn’t need “us” anymore ... That doesn’t change the fact she broke my heart with taking the Asylum Army and the forum from me. Yet, I am happy for her. (🐀)

...while naysayers pointed and laughed, Nelson-style.🦠

I don’t feel sorry at all for the people that paid for the Asylum Army fan club. Most of them knew that EA is an atrocious business woman and has broken many promises before. In fact, I laugh at them. They seriously thought that EA would actually stay consistent with this? (🐀)

EVERYTHING MUST GO: THE ASYLUM WHOLESALE

EA fans were left without an “official” home for about three years. This gave them plenty of time to be annoyed at EA for: not releasing the audiobook on time, not materializing any new project for a while... and the new sin of peddling random, ridiculously marked-up AliBaba jewelry as “merch” on her official store. Think faux-antique cameo pendants and $30 Big Ben rings (...because the Asylum story is set in London, get it?).

The whole accessories section looks like a tacky overpriced English souvenir shop. (🐀)

The fanbase lost a lost of steam in those in-between years, because there wasn't much to stick around for. As evidenced by the positive reception of the AA live chats, even in the midst of unresolved drama, out-loud interactions in a friendly environment have always been EA's saving grace. Considering the amount of online hate, there are shockingly few accounts of bad IRL encounters with EA: most people say that in live conversation, she comes across as a fun, warm, and genuinely sweet person. Some report that their negative opinion shifted after meeting her.
But there were no chats or live shows anymore. There was only social media, where she ignored questions and vague-posted about overdue projects – and the newsletter📝, which was all saccharine love-bombing to promote bland dropshipped trinkets. For fans who remembered the handcrafted merch (and two-way communication) of the early years, it was a bitter pill to swallow.

CONTINUED IN COMMENTS

​

A few days ago we fought from 1:30a till about 8am. We have lengthy arguments like this all the time. We used to date, and it played a key role in the end of our relationship along with us having different values in general. I made it clear before we started dating I can't handle much fighting, particularly yelling, because of aspects of my childhood.
✨️ TLDR AHEAD
Two fights happened on my two birthdays- or before other important things like it's the night before a road trip or I'm ON the road trip. They happen when I want to go to bed or I'm about to run an errand. He monologs for literal hours at a time, and I can't speak up when he speaks incorrectly on my part because then I'm interrupting him and that causes more issues than me being misunderstood or remembered incorrectly.
In our relationship they were often caused by me not wanting him to pay my for my phone/phone bill before we'd been dating for even 3 months, though they were also caused by me being late to coming over and stuff like that as well. Sometimes I'd accidentally fall asleep after work instead of coming over, if I lay down after a shower, which I did a few times as I worked very early in the morning, and it made him feel like I didn't value his time.
I didn't talk to him for a few months after we broke up, even though he tried to contact me to apologize several times by texting/phonecalls/visiting several times at my apartment. Eventually someone knocked on my door and I opened it before I realized it was him. I didn't want to turn him away so we talked and he very sincerely apologized and talked about how he'd been going to therapy. I could recognize a great deal of change in him and we caught up on eachothers lives.
I moved to a different state like a week after we got in contact and i am struggling with this long distance friendship. He wants to talk all the time and I.. don't. I enjoy texting but sometimes I want to watch a show or play a game uninterrupted, but if I don't respond enough he feels ignored. He also likes to talk on the phone all the time and I really really don't enjoy talking on the phone at all, especially for hours at a time. We talked every night for a couple weeks in the beginning. But after a bad fight i reminded him I don't like being on the phone and said I wanted some space, which had been on my mind prior to the argument. The next week we talk on the phone for like 3 nights for a few hours, and maybe a few other little calls here and there, but he says it's not enough
But the thing is.. even when we talked for hours every night and texted pretty often it still wasn't enough. The only time it was enough was a short window when I checked my phone pretty obsessively to make sure I didn't miss a message from him and always stopped what I was doing to take his call
If my snap score goes up when we're not talking he asks me about it. I don't know why but I feel uncomfortable explaining to him the other people I talk to in the day. And often I'm not even talking to them when I'm not talking to him- they send me snaps when I'm not on my phone. I don't respond to anyone unless I make sure I respond to him first to avoid this exact issue. I feel anxious when my friends snap me because I know my score will go up and he's going to ask me about it
For the most part, our fights presently revolve around him feeling like I don't care enough about our friendship or he's feeling ignored by me. But I really really don't know what to do anymore. I was talking on the phone for hours at a time, I was texting all the time and keeping my responses as long as possible.. I was planning movie days, etc. It was never enough.
He's upset my responses are getting shorter. And to be honest they have. Often times I talk about my life, especially someone else in my life, it triggers a fight. Not always in the moment but it always comes back to bite me in the butt later. Particularly if I'm hanging out with my roommate, because in my friends eyes he and I get to hang out with all time. Which we kind of don't- my time is far more devoted to my friend than my roomate. But even if it wasn't- I like hanging out with my roomate because we can quietly sit in the same room together, and we don't have any conflict. He is a very kind presence and I'm grateful to have him as a friend.
It's hard talking about your life while also revealing the bare minimum about your life, and so I'm responding kind of shortly about my things and just try to focus on him.
The fight we had a few days ago was about us not talking enough. Sort of. The reasons our fights go on for hours is because I don't know how to respond to him when he brings up an issue. I sincerely try my best and I try it all. When he brings something up I explain to him I understand his concerns, both using his exact words and in my own words I explain why he's upset. If I agree with him I will apologize and tell him how I'm going to fix it and I fix it, after we fight for a few hours ofc, because he doesn't believe I can understand/apologize and fix something so early into a conversation.
Other times he keeps pushing me to explain myself, but if I explain my pov, things really really blow up because I don't always agree with him. And I think he confuses me not agreeing with him to not understanding. One of our fights came because he was upset when I got home with my roommate at 1am, when I had a 3 hour drive at 8am the next morning. Which blows my mind, because he fought with me literally all night before I drove across the state. I didn't tell him that though, I said I didn't mind getting home till 1 because I had fun when I was out and will still get plenty of sleep. But we still fought.
✨️TLDR
Anyway... the other day he brought up he feels like we don't talk enough. And I said I understand it's hard but this is the boundary I'm setting because I don't enjoy being on the phone, but we're talking 3/4 days a week for several hours. We fight and he says that even when we do talk I'm not talking enough right now. We fight and I reluctantly told him I just don't feel comfortable opening up right now. We fight and fight and it's turning me into a person I dont know or how to control.
In the beginning of our relationship I was quiet and just agreed to everything he said to avoid the argument. This didnt always work but it tends to. Now I get so overwhelmed and angry after several hours I mute my phone and scream into my pillow. This last call I started hitting myself, which I've never done before, and the next day my cheeks were bumpy and itchy, my forehead was swollen, my scalp hurt to touch, and I'm still getting over my two black eyes. He did NOT cause me to hit myself and he doesn't know. I feel silly for doing it. But I find myself at my breaking point and I don't know how to manage these fights anymore.
After hours and hours I break down and I just start agreeing to whatever he says I'm wrong about because I want it to end. I repeat the very thing I said eight hours ago- what I'm wrong about and how I'm going to fix it, but only now after crying on the phone all night long is sort of enough.
At the end of the call he asked if our friendship was over and I said I don't know. He asks this all the time and I basically beg him to be my friend but I don't want to anymore.
He sent me a long apology the morning after the fight and said he wouldn't do it anymore. I thanked him for not wanting those fights anymore. He sent me a pic of his dog and I said she was cute. That night I let our streak die. He messaged me this morning "you let our streak die" and I sat at my phone for ten minutes thinking of how to respond and eventually I just decided not to. He called me twice tonight at around 8pm and texted that he wanted us to talk for a bit, but i had made plans with another friend of mine a week ago to play animal crossing, so I did that and didn't respond to him. At 3am I saw he was typing on snapchat and I'm anxious because I've been receiving snaps and know my score went up, even though I have sent zero snaps to keep the number as low as I can
I know he wants to be friends still
But I sort of don't want to be friends anymore???? I really love the positive things in our relationship. In a lot of ways he was the best boyfriend and best friend I've ever had. But I can't do this anymore. I hate the person I am in these fights. I know he does not control my actions, it is not his fault I scream in my pillow or gave myself black eyes. But I have never in my life had any sort of romantic or friendly relationship like this. And I don't enjoy it. I really really love not fighting with my loved ones. And I really feel like no matter what I do to make him feel heard when he brings up an issue it's not enough. Every fight we have damages our friendship, which I've told him several times. I used to get over them easily but I am just so drained I always feel wary for the next blow up.
But I don't want him to feel like I'm abandoning our friendship? I don't know how to end a friendship? I've never had one end that wasn't a result of just growing apart. I don't know what to do. Sometimes I wish I never opened my door when he came over. I'm supposed to go to my home state shortly and I'm very anxious about being in the same state as him

A few days ago we fought from 1:30a till about 8am. We have lengthy arguments like this all the time. We used to date, and it played a key role in the end of our relationship along with us having different values in general. I made it clear before we started dating I can't handle much fighting, particularly yelling, because of aspects of my childhood.
Two fights happened on my two birthdays- or before other important things like it's the night before a road trip or I'm ON the road trip. They happen when I want to go to bed or I'm about to run an errand. He monologs for literal hours at a time, and I can't speak up when he speaks incorrectly on my part because then I'm interrupting him and that causes more issues than me being misunderstood or remembered incorrectly.
In our relationship they were often caused by me not wanting him to pay my for my phone/phone bill before we'd been dating for even 3 months, though they were also caused by me being late to coming over and stuff like that as well. Sometimes I'd accidentally fall asleep after work instead of coming over, if I lay down after a shower, which I did a few times as I worked very early in the morning, and it made him feel like I didn't value his time.
I didn't talk to him for a few months after we broke up, even though he tried to contact me to apologize several times by texting/phonecalls/visiting several times at my apartment. Eventually someone knocked on my door and I opened it before I realized it was him. I didn't want to turn him away so we talked and he very sincerely apologized and talked about how he'd been going to therapy. I could recognize a great deal of change in him and we caught up on eachothers lives.
I moved to a different state like a week after we got in contact and i am struggling with this long distance friendship. He wants to talk all the time and I.. don't. I enjoy texting but sometimes I want to watch a show or play a game uninterrupted, but if I don't respond enough he feels ignored. He also likes to talk on the phone all the time and I really really don't enjoy talking on the phone at all, especially for hours at a time. We talked every night for a couple weeks in the beginning. But after a bad fight i reminded him I don't like being on the phone and said I wanted some space, which had been on my mind prior to the argument. The next week we talk on the phone for like 3 nights for a few hours, and maybe a few other little calls here and there, but he says it's not enough
But the thing is.. even when we talked for hours every night and texted pretty often it still wasn't enough. The only time it was enough was a short window when I checked my phone pretty obsessively to make sure I didn't miss a message from him and always stopped what I was doing to take his call
If my snap score goes up when we're not talking he asks me about it. I don't know why but I feel uncomfortable explaining to him the other people I talk to in the day. And often I'm not even talking to them when I'm not talking to him- they send me snaps when I'm not on my phone. I don't respond to anyone unless I make sure I respond to him first to avoid this exact issue. I feel anxious when my friends snap me because I know my score will go up and he's going to ask me about it
For the most part, our fights presently revolve around him feeling like I don't care enough about our friendship or he's feeling ignored by me. But I really really don't know what to do anymore. I was talking on the phone for hours at a time, I was texting all the time and keeping my responses as long as possible.. I was planning movie days, etc. It was never enough.
He's upset my responses are getting shorter. And to be honest they have. Often times I talk about my life, especially someone else in my life, it triggers a fight. Not always in the moment but it always comes back to bite me in the butt later. Particularly if I'm hanging out with my roommate, because in my friends eyes he and I get to hang out with all time. Which we kind of don't- my time is far more devoted to my friend than my roomate. But even if it wasn't- I like hanging out with my roomate because we can quietly sit in the same room together, and we don't have any conflict. He is a very kind presence and I'm grateful to have him as a friend.
It's hard talking about your life while also revealing the bare minimum about your life, and so I'm responding kind of shortly about my things and just try to focus on him.
The fight we had a few days ago was about us not talking enough. Sort of. The reasons our fights go on for hours is because I don't know how to respond to him when he brings up an issue. I sincerely try my best and I try it all. When he brings something up I explain to him I understand his concerns, both using his exact words and in my own words I explain why he's upset. If I agree with him I will apologize and tell him how I'm going to fix it and I fix it, after we fight for a few hours ofc, because he doesn't believe I can understand/apologize and fix something so early into a conversation.
Other times he keeps pushing me to explain myself, but if I explain my pov, things really really blow up because I don't always agree with him. And I think he confuses me not agreeing with him to not understanding. One of our fights came because he was upset when I got home with my roommate at 1am, when I had a 3 hour drive at 8am the next morning. Which blows my mind, because he fought with me literally all night before I drove across the state. I didn't tell him that though, I said I didn't mind getting home till 1 because I had fun when I was out and will still get plenty of sleep. But we still fought.
Anyway... the other day he brought up he feels like we don't talk enough. And I said I understand it's hard but this is the boundary I'm setting because I don't enjoy being on the phone. We fight and he says that even when we do talk I'm not talking enough right now. We fight and I reluctantly told him I just don't feel comfortable opening up right now. We fight and fight and it's turning me into a person I dont know or how to control.
In the beginning of our relationship I was quiet and just agreed to everything he said to avoid the argument. This didnt always work but it tends to. Now I get so overwhelmed and angry after several hours I mute my phone and scream into my pillow. This last call I started hitting myself, which I've never done before, and the next day my cheeks were bumpy and itchy, my forehead was swollen, my scalp hurt to touch, and I'm still getting over my two black eyes. He did NOT cause me to hit myself and he doesn't know. I feel silly for doing it. But I find myself at my breaking point and I don't know how to manage these fights anymore.
After hours and hours I break down and I just start agreeing to whatever he says I'm wrong about because I want it to end. I repeat the very thing I said eight hours ago- what I'm wrong about and how I'm going to fix it, but only now after crying on the phone all night long is it kind of enough.
He sent me a long apology the morning after the fight and said he wouldn't do it anymore. I thanked him for not wanting those fights anymore. He sent me a pic of his dog and I said she was cute. That night I let our streak die. He messaged me this morning "you let our streak die" and I sat at my phone for ten minutes thinking of how to respond and eventually I just decided not to. He called me twice tonight at around 8pm and texted that he wanted us to talk for a bit, but i had made plans with another friend of mine a week ago to play animal crossing, so I did that and didn't respond to him. At 3am I saw he was typing on snapchat and I'm anxious because I've been receiving snaps and know my score went up, even though I have sent zero snaps to keep the number as low as I can
I know he wants to be friends still
But I sort of don't want to be friends anymore???? I really love the positive things in our relationship. In a lot of ways he was the best boyfriend and best friend I've ever had. But I can't do this anymore. I hate the person I am in these fights. I know he does not control my actions, it is not his fault I scream in my pillow or gave myself black eyes. But I have never in my life had any sort of romantic or friendly relationship like this. And I don't enjoy it. I really really love not fighting with my loved ones. And I really feel like no matter what I do to make him feel heard when he brings up an issue it's not enough. Every fight we have damages our friendship, which I've told him several times. I used to get over them easily but I am just so drained I always feel wary for the next blow up.
But I don't want him to feel like I'm abandoning our friendship? I don't know how to end a friendship? I've never had one end that wasn't a result of just growing apart. I don't know what to do. Sometimes I wish I never opened my door when he came over. I'm supposed to go to my home state shortly and I'm very anxious about being in the same state as him

Messaged my ex on 6th & 8th May requesting time with our eldest (14 years) for 4 pending activites, first being a dinner on 10th May. Her initial reply (on 8th) was we would need to wait until a feedback meeting on 15th happened despite the outcome of this meeting not being likely to change the preference of our child to want to spend time with each of us. My initial reply on 14th made this clear (that the feedback wasn't going to change eldest's preferences) and repeated my requests but heard nothing.
Meeting happened and no changes from eldest's preferences about spending time with me. In the meantime, on 17th May, I requested another opportunity to spend time with eldest today (19th) which was agreed to. Still no reply to the earlier requests and with one of the activities being my birthday (on 22nd May) dinner, I messaged her asking her to not contimue to ignore my reasonable and timely requests and said her obstinance works against the best interest of our eldest.
Her next message tells me I've insulted her. Have I? AITA?

A few days ago we fought from 1:30a till about 8am. We have lengthy arguments like this all the time. We used to date, and it played a key role in the end of our relationship along with us having different values in general. I made it clear before we started dating I can't handle much fighting, particularly yelling, because of aspects of my childhood.
Two fights happened on my two birthdays- or before other important things like it's the night before a road trip or I'm ON the road trip. They happen when I want to go to bed or I'm about to run an errand. He monologs for literal hours at a time, and I can't speak up when he speaks incorrectly on my part because then I'm interrupting him and that causes more issues than me being misunderstood or remembered incorrectly.
In our relationship they were often caused by me not wanting him to pay my for my phone/phone bill before we'd been dating for even 3 months, though they were also caused by me being late to coming over and stuff like that as well. Sometimes I'd accidentally fall asleep after work instead of coming over, if I lay down after a shower, which I did a few times as I worked very early in the morning, and it made him feel like I didn't value his time.
I didn't talk to him for a few months after we broke up, even though he tried to contact me to apologize several times by texting/phonecalls/visiting several times at my apartment. Eventually someone knocked on my door and I opened it before I realized it was him. I didn't want to turn him away so we talked and he very sincerely apologized and talked about how he'd been going to therapy. I could recognize a great deal of change in him and we caught up on eachothers lives.
I moved to a different state like a week after we got in contact and i am struggling with this long distance friendship. He wants to talk all the time and I.. don't. I enjoy texting but sometimes I want to watch a show or play a game uninterrupted, but if I don't respond enough he feels ignored. He also likes to talk on the phone all the time and I really really don't enjoy talking on the phone at all, especially for hours at a time. We talked every night for a couple weeks in the beginning. But after a bad fight i reminded him I don't like being on the phone and said I wanted some space, which had been on my mind prior to the argument. The next week we talk on the phone for like 3 nights for a few hours, and maybe a few other little calls here and there, but he says it's not enough
But the thing is.. even when we talked for hours every night and texted pretty often it still wasn't enough. The only time it was enough was a short window when I checked my phone pretty obsessively to make sure I didn't miss a message from him and always stopped what I was doing to take his call
If my snap score goes up when we're not talking he asks me about it. I don't know why but I feel uncomfortable explaining to him the other people I talk to in the day. And often I'm not even talking to them when I'm not talking to him- they send me snaps when I'm not on my phone. I don't respond to anyone unless I make sure I respond to him first to avoid this exact issue. I feel anxious when my friends snap me because I know my score will go up and he's going to ask me about it
For the most part, our fights presently revolve around him feeling like I don't care enough about our friendship or he's feeling ignored by me. But I really really don't know what to do anymore. I was talking on the phone for hours at a time, I was texting all the time and keeping my responses as long as possible.. I was planning movie days, etc. It was never enough.
He's upset my responses are getting shorter. And to be honest they have. Often times I talk about my life, especially someone else in my life, it triggers a fight. Not always in the moment but it always comes back to bite me in the butt later. Particularly if I'm hanging out with my roommate, because in my friends eyes he and I get to hang out with all time. Which we kind of don't- my time is far more devoted to my friend than my roomate. But even if it wasn't- I like hanging out with my roomate because we can quietly sit in the same room together, and we don't have any conflict. He is a very kind presence and I'm grateful to have him as a friend.
It's hard talking about your life while also revealing the bare minimum about your life, and so I'm responding kind of shortly about my things and just try to focus on him.
The fight we had a few days ago was about us not talking enough. Sort of. The reasons our fights go on for hours is because I don't know how to respond to him when he brings up an issue. I sincerely try my best and I try it all. When he brings something up I explain to him I understand his concerns, both using his exact words and in my own words I explain why he's upset. If I agree with him I will apologize and tell him how I'm going to fix it and I fix it, after we fight for a few hours ofc, because he doesn't believe I can understand/apologize and fix something so early into a conversation.
Other times he keeps pushing me to explain myself, but if I explain my pov, things really really blow up because I don't always agree with him. And I think he confuses me not agreeing with him to not understanding. One of our fights came because he was upset when I got home with my roommate at 1am, when I had a 3 hour drive at 8am the next morning. Which blows my mind, because he fought with me literally all night before I drove across the state. I didn't tell him that though, I said I didn't mind getting home till 1 because I had fun when I was out and will still get plenty of sleep. But we still fought.
Anyway... the other day he brought up he feels like we don't talk enough. And I said I understand it's hard but this is the boundary I'm setting because I don't enjoy being on the phone. We fight and he says that even when we do talk I'm not talking enough right now. We fight and I reluctantly told him I just don't feel comfortable opening up right now. We fight and fight and it's turning me into a person I dont know or how to control.
In the beginning of our relationship I was quiet and just agreed to everything he said to avoid the argument. This didnt always work but it tends to. Now I get so overwhelmed and angry after several hours I mute my phone and scream into my pillow. This last call I started hitting myself, which I've never done before, and the next day my cheeks were bumpy and itchy, my forehead was swollen, my scalp hurt to touch, and I'm still getting over my two black eyes. He did NOT cause me to hit myself and he doesn't know. I feel silly for doing it. But I find myself at my breaking point and I don't know how to manage these fights anymore.
After hours and hours I break down and I just start agreeing to whatever he says I'm wrong about because I want it to end. I repeat the very thing I said eight hours ago- what I'm wrong about and how I'm going to fix it, but only now after crying on the phone all night long is it kind of enough.
He sent me a long apology the morning after the fight and said he wouldn't do it anymore. I thanked him for not wanting those fights anymore. He sent me a pic of his dog and I said she was cute. That night I let our streak die. He messaged me this morning "you let our streak die" and I sat at my phone for ten minutes thinking of how to respond and eventually I just decided not to. He called me twice tonight at around 8pm and texted that he wanted us to talk for a bit, but i had made plans with another friend of mine a week ago to play animal crossing, so I did that and didn't respond to him. At 3am I saw he was typing on snapchat and I'm anxious because I've been receiving snaps and know my score went up, even though I have sent zero snaps to keep the number as low as I can
I know he wants to be friends still
But I sort of don't want to be friends anymore???? I really love the positive things in our relationship. In a lot of ways he was the best boyfriend and best friend I've ever had. But I can't do this anymore. I hate the person I am in these fights. I know he does not control my actions, it is not his fault I scream in my pillow or gave myself black eyes. But I have never in my life had any sort of romantic or friendly relationship like this. And I don't enjoy it. I really really love not fighting with my loved ones. And I really feel like no matter what I do to make him feel heard when he brings up an issue it's not enough. Every fight we have damages our friendship, which I've told him several times. I used to get over them easily but I am just so drained I always feel wary for the next blow up.
But I don't want him to feel like I'm abandoning our friendship? I don't know how to end a friendship? I've never had one end that wasn't a result of just growing apart. I don't know what to do. Sometimes I wish I never opened my door when he came over. I'm supposed to go to my home state shortly and I'm very anxious about being in the same state as him