Can anyone help me out with some money for gas and groceries to last me until I get my next paycheck? I’ve been really struggling since my grandma just passed away and used most of my money for funeral expenses. I don’t get paid until next week. Anything helps, thank you! PayPal Username-@lilkoopa7

im starting to realize that there's something wrong with me. I've always thought that i was normal and whatever and everyone just hates me for no reason but know im starting to feel it. I've noticed that i'm honestly super materialistic and selfish and i dont really care about people who arent relevant to me. It's to the point my brain never even bothered to remember their faces or name or anything unless again theyre relevant. Another big thing i noticed is that I dont love anyone? I'm not talking only romantically, but also like in a familial sense. My parents? Meh. They could leave me for a long vacation and not call and i wouldn't care, my only concern would be who would feed me. My grandma? Sure, I like her she's the best. But do I love her..? I don't know. As a child, I went to several funerals of family members I knew and i remember myself thinking "so what? it's so hot in here theres no point why cant we just stay home theyre dead anyways" and mind u I was 9. I KNOW there's something super wrong with me but i can't put my finger on the specifcs. Do i want to think this way? No. But i can't help it. I've also never cared for helping out people or whatever and just donate to cancer researches cuz thats whats morally expect of me and everyone else. I never cared to cry during sad speeches and school cuz "what the fuck that gotta do with me?" i'm honestly starting to hate myself. Or is that why i'm forcing myself to think? Am I typing this because Im actually upset with myself or is it because i feel like i'm going against the norm and need to fix myself for my own good? I don't know. i've thought about maybe seeking professional help but idk, my parents are the traditional asian type and anything mental health is considered "crazy" and i've never told them either. I know they notice these things about me, they bring it subtly sometimes but label it was "extreme selfishness". How do i tell the people who brought me up that i don't and never have loved them? I don't want another annoying session of them screaming at me and crying cuz it honestly makes me so irritated and my lack of a reaction would only drag it longer. Is faking the only path I could go? Should i just pretend everything?

So when I was 5 my parents got me a toy piano and I started playing Christmas songs by ear (with no previous experience). My parents then promptly suggested I take piano lessons & I took them for 10+ years. My question is, is this trait hereditary? My grandparents would always tell me the story of my great grandma who had the same exact trait, and would describe it in her poems and writings (she loved to write poetry and my grandparents kept a lot of her writing). She was an accompanist for silent films in the early 1900s and would play music that matched the “mood” of the film, but struggled to read music. I feel the same—my parents always told me to be a “good” pianist I needed to master technique, and it’s definitely true, but I just got really anxious as a child about having perfect technique and started to hate doing piano at all. Has anyone experienced this and have any tips or suggestions?

Hi! 👋
I need help and I also wanted to share a story or two, if that’s ok. So this is LOOONG. Please forgive any mistakes or wrong words
I’ve put the questions up top so feel free to ignore the rest. I just wanted to tell people about her.
Thank you so much in advance!
TL;DR
Part one: My beloved 98-yo Catholic grandmother in Sweden is dying, no other family member is Catholic. We don’t know what we need to do now before and after her passing.
Part two: Gran’s story and the Cardinal who Didn’t Forget.
——-
Part one
My Grandma is 98 and nearing the very end. She is a devout Catholic who converted in her 60s. No one else in the family is Catholic and there are very few Catholics in Sweden overall.
Her faith is incredibly important to her and I want to make sure she leaves the world properly from a religious standpoint.
Only I don’t know anything about it and I don’t know who to ask.
I would be so grateful for any guidance.
Questions:
1. Are there things we need to do for her from a religious perspective when the end comes? Last rituals?
Any special handling of the body?
Should we call a priest but who?

2. Swedish funerals usually don’t take place in three or four weeks after death. Is that okay?

3. Her service will be held in a Protestant church with a Protestant priest and buried in the family plot that’s there.
She has okayed this. She originally wanted to Catholic service in this particular church but it’s not allowed.
Are there any things (prayers, rituals etc) we can include to honor her faith?

4. Do I need to notify her local church? She is a member of the Secular Carmelites as well.

5a. Obituaries work a little differently in Sweden but I figured I’d ask. It’s common to include a little picture or symbol in them, everything from roses to sports team logos (yes, truly! 😂)
Most of the Catholic obituaries I see simply have a cross and . Is that the proper way to do it?

5b. Most obituaries include a quote.
Would this be appropriate?
”I am going towards you whom I have always sought, loved and always desired.”

It may sound odd I watched Sister Claire Crockett’s final vows and heard it and just knew instantly it should be in Gran’s obituary.
I haven’t been able to trace the source though.
THANK YOU! If you made it this far! —————————
Gran and the Cardinal
Now it’s story time!
Gran converted in her 60s “after a lifetime of searching” and was an eager theological correspondent.
She is a passionate fan of St John of the Cross and mysticism in general and is a member of the Secular Carmelites.
My Gran is Dutch, spent her first decade in Indonesia before coming back to Holland just in time for the German occupation.
She grew up Protestant but the war planted a seed in her mind and she set out to discover the spiritual world and learning as much as possible about every religion she could find, Taoism, Shinto, Hindu gurus, the works.
—
I asked her once what made her choose Catholicism in the end. She said that she had seen a small bookstore that interested her and unbeknownst was in a small, nondescript church.
Gran said she went in through the door and felt a “flash” or a rush or something she couldn’t quite describe and just knew. She spoke to a priest that very same day.
—-
Gran never quite lost hope that one of her children or grandchildren would convert (I was her best candidate but that has not happened. 😅)
—-
My grandmother had to stop going to Church maybe 10–15 years ago since hearing is so bad and it still grieves her.
She misses the community of the church, theological discourse, the connections she has made over the years. She felt lonely.
—
I don’t know how much the “regular Catholic” knows about different cardinals but we actually got a Swedish one, Anders Arborelius, a few years ago.
Gran knows him through the Carmelites and she has corresponded quite extensively with ”Bishop Anders”.
On one bleak day when Gran felt so along in the world, I tried to think of ways to cheer her up.
I did some googling and found an email address to the Cardinal himself and also to his secretary.
—
I wrote a long email asking of “Bishop Anders” would be willing to send her a card to remind her the church hasn’t forgotten her.
I didn’t expect an answer but later that same night, his secretary responded and it turned out she used to know my gran quite well.
The Cardinal was in Rome, she said, but he would probably look at the email when he got back.
That night (say 2AM), I got a response from the Cardinal about how well he remembers my Gran, and how much he likes and appreciates her.
A few day later, a lovely little letter with encouraging words and a blessing arrived in the mail.
One funny thing though! He had absolutely dreadful handwriting, so bad we actually send around a picture of it to family members asking them if they could decode it. 😂😂😂

My grandpa just died, and his service is this week. He was very religious and had conservative beliefs. By the time I came out to my family, his dementia was bad enough that it was difficult to hold a conversation with him. Therefore, my partner never met him.
I plan to fly back for the service, and my partner wanted to come as well to support me. My mom has asked me if my partner could skip the service to avoid any drama since it is happening at a conservative church and since it might upset my grandma, who would be meeting my partner for the first time.
My immediate family did not respond well to me coming out, so while this request upsets me, it is not a complete surprise. While we’ve made strides over the last three years, making sure my partner feels welcome and included in my family has been a constant battle and a point of tension between us.
I never want to do anything that would make my partner feel excluded or further distance them from feeling like family. But I can see that this is a less than ideal situation for them to meet my grandma and my mom was super apologetic to even be asking. Overall, I’m mostly just upset that I constantly have to advocate for my relationship and fight for the respect and the validation that straight couples in my family never have to work for.
How do I decide whether this is a fair request from my mom, or if this would be me siding with my family over my relationship? I’m having a difficult time navigating the pressure I’m feeling over this while also grieving the loss of my grandpa.
TLDR: should I tell my family that my partner will be coming to the funeral, or ask my partner if they can stay home?

Backstory I come from a 2 parent household with one older brother, and we had to travel for my grandmas funeral.
Everything was going well flew in the same day of the funeral so everything had a set schedule. My other grandma found out we were in town so my mom decided to have us all visit for 5 minutes despite having a set schedule. When we left my father mentioned how rude it was that we only stayed 5 minutes despite this already being established in the first place.
My older brother who loves drama decided to join in saying how rude she was to her mother despite doing nothing wrong. My mother than makes my father turn the car around to make us go back to visit her since my father and my brother were making her feel awful. She asks them if they want to go in and my father declines and so does my brother because he said that “he can’t go in because she has dark energy” despite him not being religious or spiritual in any sense. I decide to go in to make my mother feel better and they decide too as well since I decided to. We visit her for a little longer, and my brother than decides to talk about how my mothers “torturing him.” Happily she doesn’t speak good English and is hard of hearing so she doesn’t hear him.
We then go back in the car and my brother continues to instigate and it gets to a point where my dad gets irritated. He than asks my father to “hit him so he can end himself.” He’s not actually suicidal he just does this for attention. On the same trip he drops the bomb that he’s going to be moving back in, and I just don’t want my mother going through his bullshit, so am I the asshole for not standing up for her?

Back story... My parents only dated a short time (like 3 months) when i was concieved back in the 70's. Growing up I was told I was my step dad's child until I was 11 years old when him and my mom divorced and was told that I couldn't live with my dad because I wasn't legally his child, which broke my heart. I love my dad (step dad) and always will, he treated me like his own from day one that he knew me and never let it slip I wasn't until my mom pressed the issue of me staying with her when they divorced.
I was finally told who my biological father really was and his mom actually worked with my mother. I got to know my grandparents and 1 aunt, but not my biological father because "he wasn't ready". My other aunt refused to believe I was his even though I look Damn near exactly like a clone of my grandmother (bio father and my aunts mother). Even to the point she ripped up my school picture she was given in front of me one time when i was 13. Well when I turned 17 dna paternity test was done and he (biological father) was 99.9998% my father! At this point I met him (because my grandpa basically made him because I was already grandpa favorite) and had gotten to know him somewhat but no other family members at all. A couple years later he told me to my face "I wish you were never born" and his mother (grandma) lost it on him. So I went NC for a few years until I found out that my grandfather whom adored me (biological fathers dad), got sick and I moved there to help my grandmother who I got really close with even though her son is a douche canoe in sneakers and a bad impersonation haircut short of a wannabe starsky from starsky and hutch. A couple months go by and my grandpa passed away. While at the funeral I went to sit with my family and someone that I had seen before (which I find out later was a cousin) comes up to me and says "you shouldn't be sitting up here, it's for family only, not hospice care nurses." And I told them "I'm "grandpa's" grandchild so I am family" to which the cousin says "I would know if you were my cousin since he only had 3 children and only 2 grandsons and i don't have a sister". I said that I was his uncle's child and he argued with me until my grandmother came to my defense telling my cousin that I was in fact his uncle's child. My cousin runs over to my biological sperm donor of a fucking legend and tells him what had happened in front of a hell of a lot more of the family extremely loudly and outs him about my existence to the whole universe. To which Sperm donor of a fucking legend comes over to me after the funeral and tells me that I just ruined his reputation and his father's funeral. I told him to pretend that I don't exist in his world and I'll do the same in reverse, I didn't ask to be born nor did I ask him to impregnate random women that he only knew briefly then keep the child a secret and make his own parents keep it a secret for 26 years! Am I the asshole?

I've been chatting with an NCO for the last few months after I matched with him while he was stateside for his grandma's funeral. He's currently deployed in Europe and isn't very consistent with his communication. He has some issues with alcohol and I'm starting to think he avoids talking to me when he's drunk. He seems genuine and honest otherwise, but I'm not sure if I should continue to communicate with him. Help?

My ex and I had a very messy 1 year relationship. He was incredibly narcissistic and toxic, he made me distance myself from my family and was very selfish. He also cheated on me many times with his ex. He was also a relationship hopper who did not love himself and did not know how to be alone. I tried to help him many times and took him to therapy but he just did not want help.
Despite all of this, he helped me understand my depression and he made good music that really helped me heal.
The last time he cheated on me was with someone much younger who he met on tinder. I left and never looked back. I blocked him on everything and despite doing this before, we could never keep no contact. But this time I was determined to do so. It was incredibly hard because I cared so deeply for this person and it hurt knowing he was with someone else. They moved in together after 2 weeks and this is when I cut ties.
It took me a good 8 months to forget he existed.
3 years later.. out of the blue, I get an email from him asking if we could speak. I didn’t really want to as I know how manipulative he can be and my friends all told me no, but something in my heart was telling me this was different.
I was SHOCKED he reached out because he has an ego the size of Texas and so I never expected him to contact me.
Something seemed so off.. He called me crying (something he never did) and he apologized for everything he put me through and tells me that I was the only person who truly accepted him for who he was and his deepest regret was treating me the way he did blah blah I didn’t take too much of it to heart as I know how manipulative he can be.
Regardless, I told him I forgave him a long time ago as I truly don’t hold space in my heart for hate or resentment and that I just hope he is now being a better person to others.
We planned to meet face to face a couple of days later.
The day came and he never showed, I texted him but he never replied. I got a call that same day from him at stupid o’clock but I was so mad that he stood me up, so I didn’t answer. I couldn’t believe I was made a fool once again and I fell for his antics.
Well, little did I know that he passed away that night. His pain and regret for the things he did was too much for him to face.
As I spent the next couple of years grieving him, I learned that I actually loved and cared for him more than I thought I did and so did he. At his funeral, I had the chance to speak to his mother who always supported us and who also tried to help him to change. She told me that they did have to go through all of his things with the police, including his phone and computers. I was shocked to hear about how many songs, poems and messages expressing his love and regret. I never thought he actually cared about me at all.
This taught me that you should never underestimate the hole your absence will leave in someone’s life. However, you must give them space to miss you. Sadly, men only learn value via losing.
On the other side, protect your peace, guard your heart and forgive yourself. Apologize to them if you need to, cry if you need to and let it go.
His family kindly allowed his demos to be uploaded onto Spotify for me and his friends to listen to.
If you’re ever wondering if he misses you, of course he does but people miss people dead or alive, it’s nothing new.
Whoever you meet, always try to leave them better than how you found them - and I don’t mean baby them or try and change them - what I mean is, SHOW them, using your actions, how people SHOULD be. No matter how bad of a person they are, always be kind, always be patient, always forgive (but you don’t need to forget) - you may ask why, as some people really don’t deserve it, but please understand that you might be the closest thing to love someone will ever experience.
I hope this made sense ❤️

[NSFW for TW: Suicide]
Mom is a narcissist. Overly critical, conveniently forgetful of her faults, you know. Never physically abusive, but would yell at us in front of guests, then tell us she's not yelling. My brother has been NC with my mom for close to a decade, and I've had periods of NC/VLC when she's been insulting during difficult events I've gone through. Dad didn't realize the extent of how she treated us when we were kids, he started realizing it over the last few years, and had worked really hard to maintain some sort of relationship with us (now adult) kids... and then he killed himself this past January. It's been a shit time.
Since the funeral, both my brother and I have been to their house to help her sort through things a few times, and my brother was warming back up to her. Then he went over there by himself one night to help with some tech stuff, and she ended up trying to physically bar him from the home, and hit and BIT him. So that ended any attempt at reconciliation. Neither of us siblings have spoken to her since.
I am close with my brother, and have tried to be as supportive as possible with him being NC. I grey rock the crap out of Mom, and haven't given her updates on my brother. I even saved his name differently in my phone, as did my dad. Grandma was the weak link there though, and the first time my mom used his number was to inform him of Dad's death.
Mom thinks she is empathetic, but has a history of saying wildly incorrect things during periods of grief. Even the day my dad died, when I was at her house and everything had calmed down a bit, she insulted my choice of clothing. You know, the clothes I threw on to go support my mom at the house where my dad just killed himself.
Idk. I only have one parent left, she's dealing with stuff with the estate and everything, and historically as the eldest child I've been the one to help with that kind of thing. But she BIT my BROTHER. She kinda sucks on a lot of levels. I don't know what to do about any of this.
To further complicate things, my dad's relatives don't talk to her either (yes, there's a theme lol), and my living relatives that I do know are on my mom's side. I don't want to lose that connection, especially to my elderly grandma. She also has one of her very close friends no longer speaking to her for a few years, I'm not sure what happened there.
Ok, typing it out, I guess my mom sucks. But she's still my mom. For a while I was willing to put up with her because at some point the estate will need to be passed on to us kids, but wow she sucks and I'm not sure that's worth putting up with even for million dollar properties.
Grandma keeps calling and seeing if she can convince me to talk to my mom, because they both know I don't wanna disappoint my grandma. I have set every boundary I can, but of course I let Grandma cross them because she's old and I love her, and she's never going to think her daughter is a bad mom.
So what do I do?

I (f28) told my girlfriend (f 25) the other day that it feels as if I had to come out twice to my family. I came out and told them that I was PIMO and did not want to continue to go to meetings. Then I had to also tell them that I was also dating a woman. The barrage of information that came at me for weeks about homosexuality and if i thought what i was doing was wrong was hard. I was told I had to go to the elders and was even given a deadline. The elders in my hall were very nice when I had to meet with them. No surprise the decision for me to be disfellowshipped was made and I was announced at the hall.
Even now my grandma will randomly call my crying because of her thinking she won’t see me in the paradise. She has Alzheimer’s so she will briefly forget. But always tells me to go move with her to get away from the city and town I grew up in, basically the Denver area.
All my family is currently down for a funeral and it’s so interesting how much they want to know about my life but not too much. I can interact with them while they are staying at my house but not when they want to go explore the city.
It’s frustrating, and I get annoyed at the arrangement. I want to go spend time with my gf instead of just staying home in case they need me or so they aren’t thinking I’m out sinning all the time. I can’t wait for the day that I stop fully living in fear of what my family thinks. I’m making baby steps tho.
Update: so it’s fine for them to spend time with me while they are at my house. We just spent 2 hours going through our old photos. But they did just all leave to go get food and I have to stay behind.

Edit: Y'all, thanks for your input! I'm glad I posted, because I was so frustrated and sleep deprived and focused on what he did, that I completely ignored the essence of what I did to him while he was also frustrated and sleep deprived. We had another talk, this time calmer, I apologized, he apologized, and we're good now
Tldr: husband punched me, he was half sleeping and in a terrible mental state due to drama on his side of a family, and I don't know how do we repair things or even should we?
Let's call my husband Ben.
Yesterday Ben's uncle Robert died. Their side of a family is full of crap and drama. Everyone hate each other.
Uncle's wife Jessica hates her mother in law (Ben's grandma Lauren), she don't wanna let her to the funeral, won't tell her where her son is gonna be buried, only wants inheritance. Grandma Lauren is not an angel too, but she's kind to Ben, and he's the only person who has a relationship with her. So it was him who had to tell her that her son died and that Jessica won't let anyone to the funeral. And grandma Lauren is 85 and has cancer.
Robert and Jessica have a 14 yo son Sammy, who she only had, to sign herself in a family's property. She raised him in absolute dependency of her, won't let him hang out with us (Ben made several attempts), won't let him play outside, deprived him of a healthy childhood, and Ben's heart aches for Sammy, and there's nothing anyone can do. Now he lost his father and his life is ruined. Uncle Robert was a shitty man, but still...
So, Ben came home from grandma's and asked me to let him have a good sleep tonight. We have 2 sons, 3 years old and 7 months old, sleeping in our bedroom, their beds are at our bed's sides. Well, that was the night when they took turns in screaming. Oldest had a bad dream, I calmed him down. Then the baby had God knows what and wouldn't even latch on a boob, just high pitch scream.
And just when he showed first signs of calming down, Ben had enough of being waken up and started yelling something like "I asked one thing, please give me some sleep", etc. I understand, I do. But the baby doesn't. And I asked him to be quiet, that I almost got this, and yelling will only reset the baby's screaming, it will make things worse. Ben won't listen, and I was kinda desperate, so I pressed my hand over his mouth. It pissed him, he shaked my arm with one hand, and instantly punched it with his other hand, with a fist. And then immediately fell asleep.
I'm shaken with this. I would never imagine he could do anything like this. He apologized, but he says he doesn't remember punching me, he remembers wanting to say something that he thought was important, and that I shut him up, and that he got my hand off of him and that's it. He wasn't fully awake I guess. And I understand his feelings, but it doesn't erase mine.
my world turned upside down, I'm terrified of how easy he did it, how he didn't hesitate. So, he had it in him? I was 1000% certain that he could never hit me. Now I don't feel save. This was so unpredictable. I lost a giant part of my trust. I cried all morning. And he asks me for support after all this family crap with Sammy and grandma. And I just cry and can't shake it off.
From all I've read, abuse starts with the first punch and grows gradually, and it's always always recommended to leave the moment it happens. But given the situation? And that we have 2 little kids? And that Ben was nothing but wonderful to us so far? Is this a start or a one time thing? I'm so lost, I can't distance myself from it

I don’t know if this is the appropriate place to post this put in begging for help. My Nan passed earlier this week. Her funeral was live streamed on Facebook by our church for our family that could not make it. The live stream was supposed to be up for 30 days but is now gone. I so desperately wanted this video saved permanently and thought I had time to do so. Her service was filled with many of her favourite songs, poem and bible verses. I would appreciate if anyone knows any way to recover a delete facebook live to please let me know what to do.

TW FOR SH, ED, S*ICIDE. this is gonna be long i’m sorry. life’s been so rough lately. i’ve always struggled mentally, mainly depression or anxiety but have a whole shit load of other stuff going on as well. since i was young i’ve struggled with psychosis, mood swings, anger, anxiety and relationship problems. i’ve been in and out of hospital, drs appointments, many different mental health agencies or counsellors. i’m 20 now and when i turned 18 i discharged myself from camhs because i thought i was “better”. sometimes i think how stupid of me but then i remember how much they stalled my care. telling me they’d get me appointments with the psychiatrist and then forgetting about it. it took 5 attempts for them to even wanna hear what i had to say. i had a bad eating disorder when i was 16-18 and after the treatment team for that discharged me for trying to reschedule my appointment i took matters into my own hands and recovered on my own. but anyway, i haven’t had any support for my mental health for just over 2 years now. i went to uni at 18, lasted a month before i took a leave of absence for my mental health. i got a job at mcdonald’s just after i turned 18, am still there. it’s not a bad job. it’s highly stressful but it’s easy enough to pick up shifts, give them away and it’s very good money for what it is. i don’t even know where to start. i was groomed online when i was younger. it lasted years. it’s the one thing i’ve never been able to fully tell anyone about. anytime i even think about trying to remember all the details my mind blocks it out. i experienced my whole family fall out. physical fights between my parents where i had to try and drag them off each other. being kicked out with nothing but a bin bag full of my stuff and being left outside the nearest police station in the middle of the night. arguments with my parents daily because they’ll never love me for who i am. i’ve been out as a trans guy for about 8 years now, been on T since last year and still look in the mirror to see a girl staring back at me. i know my parents love me but they’ll never love the real me and it hurts me everyday. my grandparents both had dementia/alzheimers. my grandma had alzheimer’s for quite a few years and my grandad suffered a stroke during covid and got diagnosed with vascular dementia afterwards. my mum cared for them and this obviously strained our family life from all the stress. november last year my grandma died. my mum told me a couple days before that she wasn’t going to be around much longer and offered to take me to visit her one last time and i refused as i was “too busy” with work and uni. she died not long after. it was the first real death i’d experienced and i thought i coped well. we didn’t tell my grandad straight away as his dementia had progressed to the point where he wouldn’t remember she had died anyway and it would be unnecessary pain. the plan was to tell him in a few weeks, take him out the care home to my aunts house and tell him once, and if he ever asked where she was after that we would tell him she was sleeping. we never got the chance to tell him. before he even found out he died. 2 days after my grandma. i woke up for work at 4:30am. got dressed and went downstairs to leave. my mum told me the news and i cried. it was too late to call into work so i went in but lasted a couple of hours before i asked to leave. i took a few days off work, got an extension on my uni assignment and took some time to grieve. i didn’t fully accept it until the funeral. i played my violin at the funeral alongside my sisters and it was a beautiful ceremony. i haven’t been the same since they’ve been gone. we weren’t super close, but i saw them quite a bit growing up and they were my grandparents. i loved them a lot. part of me is glad they aren’t in pain anymore as dementia is an awful disease but i just remember the times i had with them before it all happened and it’s so crazy to think about them actually being well. i became depressed again and booked a drs appointment in january where i got prescribed sertraline. the day i started sertraline was the most amazing day of my life. 4 hours after i took it i felt happy. something i hadn’t truly felt in a long time. i was in shock it had worked so quick. the next 2 weeks were amazing. i was going out with friends every day and night, new ideas everyday. full of motivation and full of life. i truly enjoyed living. i’d never felt that way before. however it started becoming unstable, i was spending a lot of money, taking spontaneous trips far away, driving way too fast, drinking every day and doing drugs. planning expensive holidays to far away countries. getting myself into a lease for a flat, putting stuff somewhere and 2 seconds later having no clue where it was. then came the psychosis again, i remember the worst night of my life. driving my friend home at 2:30am after freaking out in the pub because i thought i could see everyone’s true intentions. i thought everyone was staring at me. i could hear everyone’s evil intentions and was convinced everyone wanted to hurt me and my friend. i was hearing voices and seeing shapes. everything was morphing into one another. the drive home was the scariest thing i’ve ever done. that was february. the whole of march was filled with dissociation. i don’t remember anything from that month other than the feeling i was watching myself from above. every waking moment i felt completely out of control and i had no clue what i was doing most of the time. i didn’t know who i was or what was happening around me. i stopped taking my sertraline around that time as i realized that even though i had felt good i had started to ruin my life. i stopped taking my T as i’ve had complications with my prescription and that just made me even worse mentally. i tried to start taking my sertraline a few times after i started feeling more stable. i never got that original feeling back. even though i know it wasn’t a healthy way to feel it just felt so good to be happy for a bit. the last few weeks i’ve spiralled into the worst depressive episode of my life. i’ve called in sick to work around 20 times since the start of this year. handed in most of my uni assignments late. barely seen my family or friends. i don’t enjoy anything anymore. i have another dr appointment coming up and i also signed myself up for therapy again but i just don’t know how i’m going to get through the next few weeks waiting for it. i’ve cried on all of my last shifts at work. tonight i had to go and sit on the bench outside and just cry for a bit. a young guy around my age saw me and asked if i was okay. i said yeah and he asked if i wanted a hug, and he came over and held me as i cried in his arms for a solid couple of minutes. after, he sat next to me and spoke for about ten minutes about life. he hugged me again and i went back into work and cried in the office for another ten minutes. i just can’t cope with anything at the moment. i need some time off work because i mentally cannot cope with being there at the moment but i need the money. i have my first instalment of rent coming up, my car insurance, my MOT, family holiday. all in all i’m needing around 12k to save up over the next year. but i just walk around with this pit in my chest every day. no enjoyment out of life, no happiness. i love my best friend and i love my family but i don’t feel like anything is enough to make me want to stay here anymore. i just feel so dumb. i thought i was getting better. it always comes back. this is my life. the constant cycle of feeling bad then feeling good. knowing that regardless of how good i feel i’m gonna crash again afterwards. i just don’t know what to do anymore i feel so done with life and i don’t want to do it but i don’t know what to do.

I (F32) have always been a little bit of a tom boy growing up. I would keep my hair short, wear boys clothes and play football with all my cousins, who were all boys! Growing up my paternal nana would always criticize me about looking like a little boy and would constantly compare me to my older girl cousin. She would say I would look so much prettier if I dressed more like my girl cousin. She always made me feel like i was never pretty enough, and i still have these issues even thru adulthood. Me and my nana are not close and rarely speak to one another. When i do see her, i smile and i'm respectful (southern girl to a fault).
Currently, my hair is shorter than it has been in a long time. I had a certain haircut last year and I wanted a fresh start and had a Britney Spears moment and shaved my hair down to a half inch. It felt freeing and good, but i plan to grow it out again.
Flash forward to a month ago, and my maternal grandma passed away. She was our family rock and i was and still am a wreck. At her viewing, my nana and her bff showed up to show their respects. I hugged her and said hey, to be nice. As the night went on, my nerves were shot and felt very overwhelmed. My nana and her bff walked over to me to make small chat. So to set the scene, it was me, nana's bff, nana and my little sister, who also likes keeping her hair short. My nana's bff looks at both me and my sister and proceeds to say, "Goodness, I can't believe yall keep your hair so short, look like a couple of boys." To which my nana responds, "I know, they'd look so much prettier if they'd grow it out at least to their shoulders."
My sister wasn't really bothered because she has the confidence of a 4yo in a Batman shirt. (I wish I had her confidence). She laughed it off, and kinda wandered off to talk to other people. I on the other hand was already a basket case, and had enough. I intensely, but in a normal tone, looked at both of them and said, "Says the two ladies whose hair hasn't touched their shoulders in 30+ years!" My nana and her bff were just shocked and I walked away. I had just lost the one grandma who loved me unconditionally and here was the other one being her same critical self. I had to walk outside and catch my breath so I wouldn't completely lose my mind.
In hindsight, I feel like an AH for what i said, but i am so sick of my nana's criticism. We were at a freaking viewing and she felt the need to be critical!
I haven't seen or spoken to my nana since the funeral and she didn't "tattle" to my dad, so i don't know if i pissed her off or not. AITA?

I don’t even know what I want to write so this might be a bit jumbled as I am having a crisis right now. Ever since I turned 15 my mental state has changed drastically. Basically, It’s as if I don’t feel emotions as much as I should. Don’t get me wrong, there are things that make me happy, things that make me sad but all of it just seems so…insignificant???
I remember being at my grandma’s funeral(she died after this whole ordeal started so I know it’s not the cause). Everyone around me was devastated, my mom was crying, my brother was crushed even my dad was in tears, but me? Nothing. I just felt akward sitting there while people told me they were sorry for my loss when I, myself, wasn’t. I never even went trough one stage of those all famous “stages of grief”(I very much loved my grandmother so I should have been grieving too). On that note, when people say “I’m sorry for your loss”, do they actually mean it? Cuz I sure never have. I just do it because it’s the “polite thing to say” but I don’t actually feel sorry. That’s the main crux of the problem really, I just feel like I have zero empathy. I mean if my friend’s family member passes away, I know that “this is terrible and they must be crushed” but that’s just the logical conclusion. I’m starting to feel like some sort of serial killer, cuz that’s what they do, right? They don’t have empathy. They don’t care for the pain they inflict upon others, they don’t feel for them.
Well, it felt kinda good to write that all out but what I’m really looking for here is for someone to tell me that they feel something similar so I know I’m not going crazy. Or, if you could provide a name for what I’m experiencing, that would be even better. Mental health is kinda stigmatized where I live not to mention my parents once told my brother to rethink his relationship with his girlfriend because she had anxiety. I tried google but the closest thing I found was alexithymia which I don’t really understand(what does it mean by “difficulty identifying emotions”??)
TLDR: I feel as if I am in a constant state of emotional apathy. Anyone else feel the same?

I, 21M, am a well passing trans man. I'm tall, relatively muscular, short hair and just overall guy-looking. My Grandma passed away recently, and had Alzheimers for quite some time before she died. She often used to not recognise me or ask my mum where [my deadname] was when I was right there. She would sometimes say she'd love to see me again and it was overall painful for the whole family. Before I came out gran used to love picking out dresses for me, and afterwards she moved onto suits.
But when she started forgetting stuff she kept talking about what kind of dresses I like now, what she should get for me, etc. The funeral's next week and I mentioned that I would probably wear the last suit she got for me which was black and a vest just for extra blackness. My cousin looked at me like I'd just said the most ridiculous thing on the planet and she said, 'no, gran would have wanted to see you in a dress' and how I could disrespect her very wishes on such an occasion and what an asshole I am for putting my needs over hers when its her funeral.
I didn't quite know how to respond to that and luckily I was saved by her kids who started making a mess so she went after them. I frankly, think she's being fucking ridiculous. I couldn't pass as a girl if I tried anymore, much less fit into one of my old dresses. I think it would be utterly disrespectful if I showed up in a dress, it would look far too ridiculous/comical for a funeral.
I'm 99.99999999999999% sure I'm not the asshole. I'm genuinely just no longer the build to be in a dress, I'm a grown man, it would be a joke. But just in case I'm missing something, AITA? I don't want to disrespect gran at the funeral but I really think wearing a dress would be more disrespectful.

For the past couple of years I have felt like a complete stranger in my family. I used to be really close to my grandpa but the last time I chatted with him I could sense that closeness is gone. My mom chats with me sometimes but is usually always too busy with other things to even chat.. like it's gotten to the point where I can comfortably say I don't love my family anymore (birth family). None of us share any of the same interests. Like I'm a black sheep... I'll buy myself something and I get yelled at and rideculed for buying.. I'm 37 and I bought my first motorcycle brand new... My finances are good, I responsible , yes I live in a apartment and not even interested in buying a home. I pay $500 for it and it can't go up at all.. it's locked in as long as I'm there cause I'm also the property manager, I travel the world , like I'm in a new country every month and I get stupid messages like
"Oh must be nice being able to travel when the rest of your family struggles"
"Oh another trip. Wow I can't even go to Disneyland"
"Oh you bought a new motorcycle? But you can't lend me money?"
Like correct me if I'm wrong but that's all choices they make... There's nothing wrong with any of them. They just too lazy to put in the time to learn a skill that pays.. I learned software development on my own....
Feels like the family I came from is slowly not even in my mind anymore... The only family that matters is the one I built... I am am engaged with 3 kids..I love them a lot.. I'm american, my fiance is japanese.
My grandma died last night and my mom called to tell me... When she said it I thought I was going to break down and cry when I got off the phone.. but no... I stared blank out the window for a min then was hugged by my fiance from behind and I completely forgot about it till I saw a post 10 min ago on Facebook aboit a celebration of life and a future funeral..... But I looked at the dates. Looked at my fiance and said "hey let's go visit your parents I'm japan on these dates" I don't want and don't care to go.. like I've been an outcast so long... Iost love ...
Am I crazy? Is this normal?