For some context - I (30f) am chronically ill and have to live at home because of how sick I am and how I’m unable to consistently work. Through this time, a lot of my friends have “forgotten” about me and only message when they need something from myself or my Dad. Living with my Dad, it’s easy to ask him if he wants to do something like go to a flea market or go to the grocery store. We typically get along really well, but I often get annoyed with how I get treated compared to my brother and cousins. My mom passed away a long time before and I still have trauma I’m processing from her death and how she treated me and my (basically adopted) sister vs my sibling/“adopted” male siblings/cousins that were boys.
This past Wednesday, I asked him if he had plans for Sunday and when he said no, I asked if he wanted to go the antique market. He said yes, but I still asked a couple of more times through out the week to make sure.
I even asked yesterday if he still wanted to go, asking if there was anywhere else he wanted to go. He said no and we went about our days.
Last night, he comes in and mentions something my brother mentioned to him and I know it’s something he’d rather go to, so I said he should go to that instead. I tell him it’s no biggie, to go and enjoy himself. I was hurt, but the antique market happens every month. Then, he hits me with the “I’d rather go to this other antique market instead anyways.”
I just shut down, because he knew how I always felt about asking people to do stuff with me, because they always complained they’d “rather do x anyways…”
This all comes after a big disagreement last summer, when I asked if we could eat somewhere that had outside eating for my birthday. This is how we’ve always celebrated birthdays since we’ve become adults. No gifts, just go to dinner where the birthday person wants to eat. I didn’t even care where we ate, I just wanted to sit outside. Of course, none of my family wanted to do this, so we didn’t. The previous month we went to a buffet (I often can’t eat or can’t eat much, but bit the bullet on the $20 buffet price and never complained that the food there would make me sick and tried to eat like everything was normal) for my brother’s birthday, a bar for my aunt (I’m a recovering alcoholic and never complained about going), and I had assisted in helping throw my niece and nephew their birthday parties.
I woke up late this morning and have no plans of going anywhere, just staying home in my shell. Dad is just hanging around, clearly trying to push me to go to the market, but I told him to go to the other event instead and to let me be.
AIO?

Sorry if this isn't allowed here.
I have struggled to find decent employment, which is disappointing because my bar is so low.
But ... when you leave the confines of your home to do anything, whether that is eating out, or going to the doctor (or even calling the doctor tbh), or going to the grocery store, or going to a DIY store, or even going to school admin to fix some issue ... do you all notice that there just aren't enough people working? Lines are long, shelves not restocked, doctor visits are MONTHS out. I was at Target a few months ago and they closed the customer service desk because they had no one to run it. They closed the self checkout at my local Walmarts but didn't replace them with cashiers. It's not just retail, it's everything. Every industry seems short staffed.
As a customer, I think companies should hire a LOT more people. It's definitely affecting whether I shop there. I even changed doctors over this months long waiting nonsense.
As a job seeker, I would gladly work those jobs to get by or, to use the doc as an example, if you pay me a decent wage I'd stay there for a while.
I'm frustrated as a job seeker, but feel it is downright unacceptable as a customer.

The sun is up and that means I best be moving. I've been slacking these last few days, partially due to the sudden surge of both eustress and distress hitting me at full volume, but there's also been a lot of smoking clouding my mind in recent days. We're celebrating, though not too outwardly. Just cruising in as the tides take us.
It sounds good, yea? Well, I've been doing more than my fair share of what we in the industry like to call “freaking the fuck out.” Right outta the gate I gotta offer Byoomth, who is the world's most refined beacon of light, an apology for being such an explosive fussy butt. I just have not handled some things well, like having to go into a leasing office with no prior knowledge of what I was supposed to do. I did it well, but then I fell to pieces when I returned outside.
Some of the mishaps were me blowing myself out of the water in pure fight or flight response. Emotions are particularly powerful inside this vessel we call me. Admittedly, I'm light years from where I once was, where I would be like this everyday for the tiniest of things. But, I still have these weak moments where the energy bursts within me, and all is distorted, conforming to a way that is both foreign and terrifying to me. I quake, and I crumble, and then I rebuild, as I have countless times before.
This is what's natural to me. As such, I've grown adept at being this way. For the longest time, I threw myself at labor, like track practice or picking up trash, in order to give myself something grounding, as in it would dispel the emotional energy and return me closer to baseline, that let me perform at what I perceived was optimal. I now realize that I was always wasting tons of energy, but I did feel like I was doing something meaningful when I had no abilities to channel that energy.
That was written above, in the mountains. I'm eating fig bars at the base now. I've got a mission ahead of me; calling a stranger, nonetheless! Positively mind-numbing! I just…I'm going to die! Fucking caput because my brain will fart three-quarters of the way through the conversation. That's how it goes. But I manage, somehow, every time. I dunno how I do it. I just magick my ass into gear and perform. So, I suppose that the only thing I gotta learn is how to trust myself. Lemme go do that then…

In 2 weeks, we're leaving for a 10 hour drive (broken up into 2 days) to go to Acadia for a week. We'll be doing the same thing coming back. Last year's road trip involved a lot of junk food, pretzels and Pop tarts. And while he eats more junk food that I do, we both felt kinda crappy and sluggish on vacation and that really sucks.
So we want to avoid that this year and also the stopping at fast food for lunch while driving. We have a 16 qt igloo playmate cooler that fits in the backseat pretty well that we were going to bring to at least keep cold water in the car while at Acadia, but I was debating on packing a few snacks in it as well. We will have a mini fridge in every place we're staying.
I know nuts are the common choice, but they aren't a favorite of mine (unless we're talking peanut m&Ms) and he doesn't like them at all. And I know I'm going to be getting picky here, but having granola bars to snack on for almost 7 years, I'm kinda over them.
My only other thought was to bring bread, PB, and jelly, but that's more lunch than snack. And I don't really snack when I'm at home, but put me in a car for a few hours, and I want snacks. We will be bringing a big case of water as I suspect that might've been part of the issue last year as well

The new app was released the same day as the Sonos Q1 2024 quarterly earnings call. That was not by coincidence. I've included a couple quotes below from the transcript which make give insight into why the app changed so much.
Q1 2024 Earnings Call Transcript: https://s22.q4cdn.com/672173472/files/doc_financials/2024/q2/FINAL-SONO-2Q24-Earnings-Transcript-docx.pdf

There are four things I want to highlight that stem directly from the investments we’re making, and how we’re laser-focused on attracting new customers and getting existing customers to add more products. The first is the all new Sonos app. This is our most extensive app redesign and re-architecture yet. Our original app was designed and architected over a decade ago, when Sonos and our customers’ needs were very different. We started from the ground up so we can build an app that would deliver our customers a great experience every day, allow us to more easily add new products and categories to it, and move faster with new innovations and features going forward. Our new app brings services, content and system controls to one customizable home screen, creating an unprecedented streaming experience. Best of all, our redesigned app is easier, faster and better. It once again raises the bar for the home music listening experience, and sets up our ability to expand into new categories and experiences. Our app is a proofpoint of what we have always said: we are the story of software eating audio. Our software truly differentiates our products from everything else on the market, and is key to unlocking the opportunity ahead of us.
Patrick Spence, CEO - Sonos You bet, Erik. I'd say for our categories, last three months have been more of the same. And I do wonder if it's our categories have been challenged for a while and maybe I think we had characterized last year kind of being in a pretty weak categories overall. And so, we're not seeing anything that makes us believe it's getting any weaker or any stronger as we go through it. And I think the – so we continue to really focus on what we can control. And I think it's a huge testament to the team, really, the state of our brand and our product portfolio that we've been able to execute across the first half successfully. And so, obviously, we take learnings from that, understanding from that. I think the other thing is we've done a lot of work to make sure we understand the new category we're going into. It's a large one. So, that gives us confidence. We believe we bring a unique perspective as well. As you might imagine, we've got lots of conversations with channel partners and we also know it's a growing category. So from our perspective, it's a little different than the other categories we're in right now because it is growing year-over-year. And so, all those things combined, plus our ability to execute across the first half, is really what gives us the confidence to keep our guidance for fiscal 2024 intact.

This is a bit of a long one so buckle up. TLDR at the bottom.
My partner and I have been together for 7 years, have lived together for 3 years, and are engaged. In short, we absolutely adore each other, and we are not looking to break up over this. This whole post was written together. However, pretty much the only source of friction between us is household chores, and we feel like we’re going a bit mad. For a bit of background, I am diagnosed autistic with a PDA profile (relevant, I promise), and work as a PhD student, although I am currently taking compassionate leave. My partner works in IT. My mum has recently passed, leaving us to take in my disabled brother. I absolutely adored my mum, but she was a hoarder, around a level 3-4 on the hoarding scale and so I grew up in what were basically unsanitary conditions (cleaning out the house after she passed was not a fun task). In contrast, his mum is very hygienic, cleaning the house daily and deep cleaning regularly, and works part time, giving her time and energy to look after the house. She has her own tendencies towards clutter though, often bringing things home from charity shops, although usually for other people.
Our current situation: We have tried many different methods for divvying up household chores, but each one has failed for one reason or another.
His Perspective: “I feel like I do more than 50% of the current share of work, which I feel is unfair. I am willing to put myself through more stress in a day, which enables me to get more done. That’s my benchmark for what people are capable of when at home, and so that’s my standard for her. This currently translates to me doing the washing up and putting away dry dishes, straightening things out and preparing myself for the next day, having a shower, picking out clothes, making lunch etc. I also make mental notes of things that need doing that I can’t currently do, and ask her to do them the next day. If they don’t get done then I will do them at the weekend. I also keep track of things to do with her brother, e.g. what he needs to do to look after himself, what he needs to learn before it’s safe for him to live independently, and so on. I also make sure she looks after herself, as her mental health is not always the best, so I prompt her to take showers by asking when she last had one.” (My note: I absolutely do not go around being smelly outside the house, but I will admit that if I don’t leave the house for several days in a row then I will sometimes forget to shower.)
My perspective: I don’t feel like he does more than 55% of the work at most. Currently I do all the administrative overhead and managing bills for the house, all the cooking, shopping for food, making shopping lists for the week, and doing the meal plan for the week, although I do ask for input from both him and my brother so that I’m making food we all like to eat. In return he has sole charge of the washing up, because I absolutely hate it. The mix of too-hot water, soap, food grease, and food bits in the water makes my skin crawl. This does work well for us, but he sees this as 50-50 because he doesn’t like washing up either, just not as much as I do. However, I feel like this is more work in my favour, as cooking takes longer, as does shopping and planning. Tom also feels like I should pick up more chores during the day, such as laundry and generally keeping the house tidy. He doesn’t think that the time he has after work can be used efficiently to do chores (apart from washing up) every day, as laundry is better done in the morning so the clothes can dry outside, whereas I am currently on compassionate leave and therefore have the time during the day. He also has diagnosed depression and his mental health issues, so we both sometimes struggle to give our 100%. However I feel expecting me to do more during the day is unfair when we contribute to the household finances equally. He often reminds me to do things by messaging me in the morning when he’s at work, such as putting the laundry on, giving the bathroom or kitchen a clean, taking the bins out, etc. because he knows I won't otherwise be busy. I am also completely in charge of all the administration with my brother. I talk to social services, doctors, manage his money, I am helping him get a job and we are getting him ready to move into his own supported living. I love my brother but there is a lot of work that goes into looking after him.
Here is where the PDA comes in. I hate people telling me what to do. I can just about manage it with things like my PhD supervisor, and work bosses, but from people who I see as equal, e.g. my partner, it instantly puts me on the defensive and gets my back up. As soon as someone tells me to do something, all motivation to do that thing, even if I want to do it, or was going to do it, just disappears. To be clear, this is not something I particularly like about myself, and I do try really hard not to do it, but it’s a slow work in progress. My partner's prompting and reminding me to do things makes me feel like he doesn’t see me as capable, so I tend to dig my feet in. But then, whatever he wanted me to do doesn’t get done, and so from his POV he is justified in reminding me, because otherwise I wouldn’t do it. (I maintain that this isn’t true and he just needs to leave me to do my own thing, and I will get round to it in time. However, I will admit that I am inconsistent. I've lost a lot of people over the last 7 years, had a lot of uni stress, been diagnosed with autism, and also have depression on top of it all. I am currently in therapy and this is helping, but I can still be inconsistent with chores).
What we have tried: We sit down and talk about this pretty much every 6 months when we’ve hit a breaking point. When I say it is the only source of conflict in our relationship, it genuinely is aside from normal relationship spats. We’ve tried using a rota, so that one of us does a chore one week, and the other does the same chore next week. This failed because I would not always do the things on my rota (mostly the washing up), and so Tom would feel that I’m not doing my fair share, and he would stop putting effort in, leading to a vicious cycle. It was also difficult to track whose turn it was to do what. We’ve tried using an app called Sweepy, that monitors chores, how long it has been since a chore was done, offers reminders and visual stimulus on completion (bars going from red to green). This failed because we struggled to remember to use the app and it wasn't effective for him and the way he functions, the app was more for my benefit but it requires both people using it to be effective. He did give it a go, but felt like he was using it more than me and therefore stopped using it himself. We’ve tried what we call “picking things up as we see them”, this failed because he has low object permanence, and doesn't clock things that need doing when he's not in "tidy up mode" so I would get frustrated. We also notice different things and prioritise different things, leading to each feeling like we were doing more than the other, because they were doing more of the things they noticed. We’ve tried writing tasks/reminders on a blackboard. I liked this one when it worked because it took the demand out of a task, but for him it turned into part of the furniture and he would forget to use it or look at it.
Currently: He leaves me to do things during the week at my own pace, but he still gives regular reminders, and then if it's not done, he will A. Remind me B. Do it at the weekend C. Get annoyed (last resort) We also divvy up tasks differently, trying to focus on me taking on more mental load as I have more capacity for this during the week, e.g. meal planning, cooking, shopping lists, finances, etc. and him doing the washing up. My brother being here has actually helped as he takes on some of the chores as he learns to do them, e.g. hoovering, cleaning cat trays, his own laundry, etc. This is currently working the best, although there are still rubbing points. Mostly because I still don't like him telling me what to do, feel like he doesn't contribute as much during the week, and he feels like I don't contribute as much overall, and this won't necessarily work when I go back off compassionate leave, when we have kids, or when my brother moves out.
TLDR; We need to find a way to divvy up household responsibilities in a way that feels fair to both, doesn't rely on him telling me what to do (or helps me to deal with this), and is sustainable for life changes along the way. There have been aspects of each thing that we’ve tried that has worked, but none of them have been perfect for us, and we don’t know how to combine them in a way that does work for us.

I just passed 3 months last Thursday. I was reflecting about them and thought I’d post here.
Basically, this story starts in 2017 when I (at the time 315 lb 49 F) had a health challenge and changed to a low carb unprocessed (also no sugar no grains ) way of eating. I went from 315 lbs at five foot one to about 203 and then maintained that loss for about three years before the effects of plateau and regain started. Over the next 6 years I regained about thirty pounds which is a miracle considering any other time I’d lost weight, I regained it all and more in months not years.
I educated myself and realized that since only about 2% of people can maintain a weight loss of 10% of their body weight for a year because of the body defence of the higher weight. Hormones make people think they are hungry and need to eat more so they don’t starve to death even though they aren’t starving. These concepts are ones that appear in peer reviewed literature from several sources so I’m not making it up.
While I was a unicorn because I was able to maintain for several years, I believe because with the low carb unprocessed diet, I wasn’t also having high/low blood sugar - this is my theory based on a discussion with a dietician that told me a theory about some people and how they don’t have to be actually hypoglycaemic to have the effects of it ( ie. eating compulsively to bring up sugars). Still, the odds were greatly against me maintaining this loss. When I started experience difficulties in reversing little weight gains, I asked for a referral to a bariatric clinic so I could try things other than lifestyle changes.
Bariatric assessment process wasn’t good for me but in the end it was established that I’m not a good candidate for drugs, there was no point to optifast since I’d already made drastic lifestyle changes, and that my options were probably regain and surgery.
Since I had not screwed up my lifestyle changes, but was battling my body trying to get me to eat more, surgery became the obvious answer.
I was warned that I might not lose much more weight than the amount I’d regained since that amount represents almost thirty percent loss from my former top weight.
Now I’m 56 and post menopause. I was ok with this as long as I was able to maintain my loss more easily. I did not relish the idea of aging as a three hundred plus pound short woman ( getting shorter). I don’t need to be skinny either. I honestly don’t care at this point about my body size since even with my regain my mobility wasn’t hampered and my chronic health issues stayed resolved. Honestly , I haven’t even really noticed my weight loss in any meaningful way because I was already living better. I believe the meaning of health at any size means this. My body size only matters to the extent that I think it does and that includes that I don’t have to be a size zero to be healthier.
I had RNY surgery three months ago. Weight loss has been relatively slow but I’m happy to say that despite some small hitches like throwing up in the early days and low hemoglobin post surgically which has since resolved.
I was completely grossed out by protein supplements so the two weeks following surgery were tough. My surgeon encouraged me to eat according to textures ( which isn’t what the handbook says).
I had no pain after the day of surgery, or since . Things are going pretty well. I’d hoped to have more of a hormonal change to regulate appetite but despite feeling overfilled constantly, I’m losing weight, hitting protein goals with real food and the learning curve is getting less steep. My pre-surgery weight was 232 and this morning I was 194 so obviously it’s working for weight loss. I’m not under any illusion that this has been a perfect solution, but I’m happy to have my stress level lowered daily since my desire to eat is much curved and even if I want to eat, the threat of puking keeps me in line.
Weird things since:
As an Orthodox Jew who keeps kosher I’m having weird cravings for nonkosher foods which includes seafood ( which I’m allergic to!).
I hadn’t eaten sugar or artificially sweetened foods in almost 12 years and now I’m craving keto type sweets which I know affect my cravings. I’m not saying I’m indulging regularly but it’s odd to have the cravings.
Chicken strongly disagrees with me while red meats and lamb don’t.
I was mostly carnivorous prior but I often choose non-meat protein food items more now. I don’t really like beans but the other day I told my husband if he made a chickpea curry I’d eat it. BIZARRE. I am 100% getting all my protein in but beans are higher in carbs which worries me because my original health crisis seven years ago was diabetes related and I’ve been sub-clinical for 6 years. For me, I don’t actually believe in the concept of moderation so it’s disconcerting to say the least.
What’s really interesting is my general disinterest in food and eating. I know I have to eat and I know I have to prioritize protein. I have cravings regularly but ultimately I mostly eat to fill the hunger and don’t much care what as long as it fits the ‘get your protein in first’ model. In the end, since I don’t eat grains or other sweet things, this ultimately ends up looking like a diet of primarily animal protein, with vegetables and a bit of fruit thrown in. I’ve eaten a couple of keto protein bars but it’s not regularly.
For context, I used to be a serious foodie and a food professional and when I went low carb I cared much less. As long as my food was delicious and low carb and I wasn’t hungry, I didn’t care. Since surgery, some of the things i really enjoyed low carb have become sort of icky to me so I’m constantly revisiting what I like and don’t like. It’s a process 🤷🏻‍♀️.
Anyway, I have lots of homework to do ( one of the changes that happened seven years ago when my chronic health issues resolved, was my doctor suggested I go to nursing school) so I’m going to sign off but I wanted to share that though this is an imperfect process, it is one which I’m not sorry to have gone through. I sort of regret not doing it 20 years ago but on the other hand I guess I would not have been mentally ready had I done it much sooner than my health crisis, subsequent sustained weight loss and then learning how obesity actually works. On the other hand, I’m glad I was confident in my new lifestyle before I did it because i understood on a gut level what that meant.
If you read this far, thanks. Feel free to AMA.
Starting Weight 2017 was 315 Surgery weight was 232 ( Feb 2024) CW 194 GW- don’t really have one. I guess it was 203 since I was told I might not lose more than I regained.

Please help. I love to go to live classical music concerts, and I am an attentive listener. I find when people talk / whisper, open and eat trail-mix snacks around me to be distracting and it ruins my enjoyment of a performance. I understand if you are at another type of venue, for example: a rock concert, a bar, or your living room, etc… but not a classical music venue. Seeking recommendations as to best location where more ‘serious’ listeners sit. Many thanks. 🙏

Hi gainers,
I have just finished running Super Squats by Randall J. Strossen and wanted to share my results. There are plenty of discussions of this program out there already, but I figured sharing my experience with the program can't hurt and can hopefully be interesting, or maybe even useful to someone. This was my first time running a "proper" program (i.e. one designed by a prefessional) and it has been by far the most productive training block I have done so far. Since I am a beginner, I'm not calling this a review (I don't have the training experience to offer any kind of expert opinion). This post is meant rather to show my results as a beginner on the program and to share some of my thoughts about it.
[Before, 82kgs, 10 April 2024](https://imgur.com/a/super-squats-before-82kg-10-04-2024-PvPBvIl). NSFW. Pics taken the day after the first workout.
[After, 86kgs, 18 May 2024](https://imgur.com/a/loPa07y). NSFW. Pics taken the day after the last workout.
Background:
M30, 6'2", no athletic background. Typical denizen of this sub in that I could always eat loads and not put on weight blah blah blah. Worked out in my teens with weights in my room but never maintained a consistent schedule long enough to see significant results. Fast forward to 2 years ago when I started doing bodyweight workouts at home and making an effort to gain weight. Had some success and then started going to the gym at the start of this year. Did a 4 day/week UppeLower split with some success. My weight had fluctuated between a very skinny 67kgs to around 73kgs throughout my twenties. Prior to running Super Squats I had already bulked from 74kgs at the start of December to 82kgs at the start of April (I started taking creatine in January which definitely contributed to this weight gain).
The Program:
Super Squats is a book, which is short (less than 100 pages) and contains everything you need to run the program. Although the book was written in 1989, the routine it outlines is based on old-school squatting programs utilized by strongmen from the 1920s onwards. A chapter is devoted to this history of squats, the "master exercise". There are a couple of anachronisms (my favourite is referring to the hamstrings as "thigh biceps") but overall it is well-written and presented.
The program itself is a six week full-body routine, with the choice to run it 2 or 3 days per week. I won't spell out the whole program here (just buy the book), but the core of the routine is, of course, a single set of twenty heavy squats, with the trainee taking at least three deep breaths between each rep. The squats are supersetted with a set of light pullovers or Rader chest pulls to stretch the rib cage. The starting weight for the squats is a weight you can do for 10 reps (and yes, you really do twenty reps with that weight) and the program stipulates that you must add at least 5lbs/2.5kgs every single workout. The program is fairly light on volume (especially if you run it 2 days per week like I did) but what it lacks in volume, it more than makes up in intensity.
There is no way around it: heavy, high-rep squats are deeply, profoundly, brutally unpleasant. There is no stipulation for rep cadence or how long the set should take, you can take as long as you like, but completing 20 reps with good form will require having the bar on your back for at least 3-4 minutes. From week 2 onwards, the single set of squats always took me more than 5 minutes (and it always felt much longer).
Performing warm-up sets slowly and deliberately was crucially important. Before I even got to the warm-up sets I performed a few reps of touchdown-squats on a box, and a few more of goblet squats with a light kettlebell, opening my hips against a resistance band to prime my glutes and quads.
Super Squats is the embodiment of "mind over matter". The book has a whole section on mindset and positive visualization to help trainees to manage the seemingly impossible task of squatting a 10-rep weight for 20 reps. It sounds stupid, but by the second half of the program, I had gotten into a ritual of giving the bar a firm slap, as a jockey would slap his racehorse, before I started the set, cementing my effort to view the bar not as an enemy to overcome but as a friend helping me to achieve my goals.
Reps 11 and 12 were usually the hardest. By the time I got to ten reps my legs were already trembling. My whole body was drenched in sweat, the weight of the bar impossibly heavy resting on my traps, crushing my whole body into the ground. Time had slowed to a crawl, and the thought that I was only half way would be enough to sap my resolve if I let it. Once I got to rep 13, comfortably more than halfway, I no longer had to think about breathing. I was sucking in great lungfuls of air automatically and heaving them out so hard I sprayed the mirror in front of me with droplets of spit (yes, of course I wiped it down afterwards). Once I got to rep 17 I knew I had the set in the bag. No matter how tortuous those last three reps, no matter how long they took, no matter how many heaving breaths I had to take, I could do 3 more reps.
During week 2 I had what I think is the closest I've ever had to an out-of-body experience. It was as if I was watching someone else perform the agonizing reps while I talked myself through the rest of the set: "Breathe, good, deeper, you've got this, next rep, nice. Keep going".
Breathing is the key. The book talks at length about the importance of deep breathing throughout the set. Pretty quickly, I found that deep breathing was the only way to keep from passing out or collapsing mid set, though as I said, deep breathing becomes automatic about halfway through the set (there's simply no other way to stay upright with the weight on your back). A very helpful tip from the book is to suck in an extra gulp of air on top of your already full lungs for each of the last reps.
If all this sounds a bit exaggerated, try the program and see for yourself. But I'm not trying to put anyone off with this description, quite the opposite! The great thing about Super Squats is that the difficulty of the squats is directly proportional to the feeling of giddy elation upon completing the set. I always felt great after the set, and rode the feeling of accomplishment for the rest of the day. The program really pushes you beyond the boundaries of what you think you can do.
My Progress:
I started the squats at quite a low weight of just 40kg. The book recommends erring on the side of starting too light, and then adding more weight if needed, so that is what I did. Remember, the program stipulates a minimum increase of 5lbs/2.5kgs per workout, but there's nothing saying you can't add more. Once I realized the weight was too light (I managed 21 reps for the first workout) I simply increased the weight by 10kgs on the second workout and continued with the 2.5kg increases from there.
Before starting Super Squats I had had a two week break from training due to illness, so I started with too-low weights (I exceeded the target rep range on all exercises). So I increased the weight by 5-10kgs depending on the exercise for the second workout. The program has varying set numbers and rep ranges for different exercises. As a general rule, I increased the weight once I could hit the target rep range for the first two sets of each exercise, but I did not stick to this rule every workout.
The only thing I stuck to was the minimum increase of 2.5kgs for the squats every workout. I managed this consistently until the final week, when I failed on the eccentric of the tenth rep with a weight of 77.5kgs (a 5kg increase on the previous workout). My legs just gave way and I could not get back up. I did two more sets to make sure that I at least performed more total reps than the previous workout. Then, in the last workout, I amazed myself by succesfully performing all 20 reps with the same weight. Definitely the hardest set I have ever done, and I was completely finished afterwards, but the highlight of the program for sure.
Other ups and downs: I lost reps on Bench and Bent-over Rows on both workouts of week five, but got them back in week six and set new PRs on both. A good reminder that progress is rarely linear. My left knee started hurting in the last week, but thankfully the pain hasn't persisted. I guess my form might have broken down a bit too much in one of the last workouts.
Diet:
The book's diet advice is very simple: lots of calories and protein, with the majority coming from healthy whole food sources. Nothing surprising there. The book has two recommendations in addition to meals for achieving these goals: milk and shakes. The book doesn't use the GOMAD acronym, but that's basically what it boils down to: a recommended minimum of 2 quarts (about 2 litres) per day in addition to meals and snacks, with a recommendation to increase to up to a gallon (nearly 4 litres) per day if you can.
I was somewhat surprised to see that the book recommends home-made mass gainer shakes for trainees who struggle to eat enough solid food (the book refers to them as "blender bombs" which I think sounds much cooler).
I am not vegetarian, but I don't eat meat very often. I live with my fiancee, who doesn't like meat, and since we eat dinner, the main meal of the day, together, we eat a lot of plant-based meat substitutes. I did, however, eat meat more often than usual during the program. My typical diet looks something like this:
Breakfast: Usually muesli, with seeds, fruit (apple or banana), yoghurt, and a scoop of unflavoured whey protein.
Lunch: Usually eggs, fried or scrambled in butter, served with wilted spinach on wholemeal toast or with pasta and pesto. If not eggs then leftovers from last night's dinner. My local supermarkets do a rangle of reasonably healthy frozen meals and during the program I ate these a couple of times per week, always going for chicken dishes with plenty of vegetables.
Dinner: Something based around the aforementioned meat substitutes. Favourites include spaghetti bolognese (with plenty of cheese of course), chili with black beans, sour cream and guacomole served with rice, and burgers with fries for a "junk"/"dirty" option.
I don't count calories but I do roughly track protein, aiming for 2g per kg bodyweight and topping up with whey protein as needed.
During Super Squats, I upped my creatine dosage from 3.5g/day to 5g/day, added extra snacks to the above diet (nuts, dark chocolate etc.) and also milk and shakes as the book suggests. For the first three weeks I had a daily shake consisting of whey protein, milk, cocoa powder, banana, peanut butter and oats. The shakes helped with weight gain, but they proved unsustainable, as they led to some, er, digestive issues. Ok, they gave me explosive diarrhoea. See [this review of Super Squats](https://empire-barbell.com/2021/07/23/super-squats-review-of-the-legendary-20-rep-squat-program/) in which the author recounts ingesting a shake according to the book's recipe before starting a work shift and shitting himself during the shift, lol.
I hadn't really drank milk for several years prior to the program (I tend to prefer oat milk with my muesli) but I did increase my milk consumption slowly over the six weeks. For most of the duration I drank a couple of glasses per day, totalling only about 500ml -1 litre. Only in the last week did I make a serious effort to drink at least 2 litres per day. Turns out it's really easy to drink a lot of milk, and a very cost-efficient way to get lots of extra calories and protein. Who knew haha.
Rest and Recovery:
I've been having trouble sleeping lately, which was the reason I opted to do the program 2 days per week from the beginning (the book recommends starting with 3 days and dropping down to 2 if you find you can't recover sufficiently between workouts). I was a very deep sleeper as a child but those days are long gone and these days the slightest noise seems to be enough to wake me. My fiancee gets up early for work during the week (her alarm goes off at 4:45am), ivariably waking me before it does her, and we have a cat, who tends, as cats do, to go crazy in the small hours (her new favourite thing is scratching frantically on the closet doors). I've tired everything I can think of short of getting rid of the cat, which I'm not willing to do for the sake of gains. Hopefully she will mellow as she gets older. If nothing else, I guess it's good practice for when we become parents lol. Suffice to say it's rare that I get an uninterrupted 8 hours of sleep.
I tried to do everything within my power to get as good sleep as I could (making an effort to get to bed earlier, playing with the cat to tire her out, etc.). I still made good gains despite overall poor sleep, but there were definitely some days when I could have gotten to bed earlier.
What I liked about the program:
Super Squats is a simple, easy-to follow program which is practically guranteed to lead to growth. The non-negotiable nature of progression from workout to workout gives a strong incentive to eat enough and get enough rest. I seriously can't see how someone could follow this program, increasing the weight as prescribed, and not grow.
Another thing I liked was making significant progress over a short timeframe while only training 2 days per week, leaving more time for life outside the gym.
By far the biggest benefit of the program, hower, is the lessons it imparts and the mental toughness it inculcates. Lessons you can only learn by standing under the crushing weight of the bar for 20 reps. Put simply, you are capable of more than you think you are, and this program teaches you that in a way that words never could. I feel that I now inderstand intensity as a training variable far more deeply than I did before the program. After running Super Squats I understand why it is so often recommended to beginners.
What I didn't like about the program:
The individual workouts took far too long. This was by far the biggest thing I disliked about the program. The book claims that the Basic Routine should take less than an hour to complete, but I found that I rarely completed a workout in less than 90 minutes, and several times it took me a full 2 hours. Granted, this was partly due to training in a busy McGym, where waiting for equipment is often a factor, and I feel like I spend half my life searching for locking collars, but even so, the long workouts were grinding. Another big factor is just how exhausted you are after that set of squats. I often felt like I was moving in slo-mo, with the stiff-legged deadlifts (themselves no easy exercise) and calf and ab work still to get through.
The other main negative factor was how daunting the squats are. I rarely looked forward to workouts, and often actively dreaded them. I really had to psyche myself up to go to the gym on this program, despite knowing that I would feel great after my workout. That next set of squats was always looming ahead menacingly.
What I would do differently:
The biggest thing I would change is doing the milk properly from the beginning. By "doing the milk" I mean drinking at least the recommended 2 quarts per day. I would also probably leave the shakes out, and make an effort to eat cleaner. I kind of gave myself free reign to cut corners and do what it takes to gain on the program (spooning peanut butter from the jar and ice cream from the tub, eating "junk" meals like burgers and fries or frozen pizzas a couple of times a week, etc.).
I would have chosen a different abs exercise. I did hollow-body crunches, but since these can't be loaded (as far as I know) I had to resort to adding extra reps and then an extra set to add progressive overload. It would have been smarter and more time-efficient to simply choose a weighted abs exercise and increase the load each workout.
I could have been more diligent about consistenly increasing weight/reps on all exercises other than the squats. I feel my progress on the other lifts could have been better.
The book does not mention cardio, and in fact states that trainees should move as little as possible outside of training to allow for maximum recovery. I will definitely add some light cardio in the form of walking the next time I run the program (thanks to u/MythicalStrength for pointing out that since the program is based on old-school principles, it is likely assumed that pretty much everyone would have been doing a fair bit of walking before lifestyles became so sedentary in developed countries). Over the weekend between weeks five and six my mother came to visit, and in the course of showing her around my city I did a lot of walking that weekend (15k steps each day). I think this may have contributed to the failure on the first workout of week 6 by eating into my recovery. Ideally, I would just do, say, a 30-40 minute walk on off days throughout the program.
Most of all, I would trust the process. Of course this is easy to say with hindsight, but there was a point in weeks 3-4 where I got quite demotivated, felt like I coudn't notice the program working (of course not - visual changes take longer than a couple of weeks!) and felt quite tired out from all the eating, so I ended up eating a bit less for about a week in the middle of the program, which quite possibly contributed to the strength losses in week 5. Again, progress isn't linear, but if you stick to the program over six weeks it will pay off.
Conclusion/Next Steps:
Running Super Squats over the last six weeks has been without a doubt the most physically and mentally challenging thing I have ever done, but the payoff has been well worth it. 4kgs gained in 6 weeks and invaluable lessons learned. I'm going to have to go clothes shopping and replace most of my wardrobe. Shirts and T-shirts that were loose are now tight, and my old slim-fit T-shirts now look comically small. Even my straight-leg jeans are now tight fitting (my fiancee said the other day, "Those jeans are a bit tight on you now, huh? But your bum looks great!").
Being on the taller side, I still have quite a lot of frame to fill out, and I still have a lot to learn about training. I will definitely be running Super Squats again in future. I am especially interested in running the Abbreviated Program, consisting of only the squats, pullovers/Rader chest pulls, bench, and bent-over rows. This would solve the problem of workouts being too long, but I imagine it would be extremely challenging, since you should increase the weight on all exercises each workout, not just the squats. With bench and bent-over rows offering less overall muscle fibre recruitment than squats, and 2.5kgs being the smallest weight increase logistically possible (in my gym, anyway), I imagine that this would be challenging in the extreme.
The book suggests running a strength-building training block after the 20-rep squat program, consisting of more sets with lower rep ranges. It even suggests alternating between six weeks on the 20-rep squat program and six on the strength-building program, extending Super Squats well past the initial six weeks. While this approach is intriguing, I want to try something different, and I would rather have more training days in the week in return for shorter individual workouts.
I've ordered a copy of 5/3/1 and will probably run 531 for Beginners, and then see which template I run after that. I have my eye on the BBB Beefcake 3 Month Challenge, but I'll see when I get there. For now, I'm going to dial back on the eating, to around maintenance levels, for at least a couple of weeks (I need a break from stuffing myself all day).
In the meantime, I can't recommend Super Squats enough! You will surprise yourself on this program.
Well, that turned into a huge wall of text. Thanks very much for taking the time to read if you got this far!

Hello. My husband and I are traveling to Milan in July for 5 days. My husband is doing some work at a research conference for the first two days, so I will be mostly solo for those days. The final 3 we will be together.
We are flying into MXP and have a 6am flight out on LIN to return to the States via a connection in AMS.
Aware that it is a warm time of year, looking to spend mornings and evenings outdoors and mid day indoors (or even napping 😂).
Staying at the top of the Naviglio canals. His conference is a few minutes from Duomo. Are the trains reliable? Google maps tells me there are plenty, but want to know real life experiences.
Is there a recommended way to explore Milan in a quads? (Like explore the northeast quad one day, southeast quad the next, etc) .
I'mget anxious about food as in eating too much and then regretting it later. Are portions smaller in Milan?
Are there any amazing museums or sites are that more "hidden gems"?
We are LGBT as well; any recommendations for bars or lounges to wind down the nights?
Finally, we are returning home via Linate for a 620am flight on a Sunday. It seems train options are limited if we want to arrive by 420am. Is Uber reliable or is there a more local ride-share app?
Thank you all!

I am grateful to the Greatly Merciful and Greatly Compassionate Guan Yin Bodhisattva for offering me this precious opportunity to share my experience of practising Buddhism with you.
I am 62 years old. Today, I can eat, sleep and walk like a normal person. However, did you know that I once was a paralyzed woman who could not even get up from bed, had difficulty turning over, and could not take care of myself? Through practising Buddhism and reciting Buddhist scriptures, I have completely freed myself from the misery of hell. I want to tell you with hard facts that practising Buddhism and reciting the scriptures has not only given me a second life, but has also benefited me immensely. I want to share with you how I transformed myself from paralysis to health within four years without undergoing any surgery! May my presentation plant the seeds of bodhi in your hearts, so that more people will have faith in Guan Yin Bodhisattva who has boundless supernatural power, and recite Buddhist scriptures as soon as possible to be free from suffering and gain happiness!
1. When I was young, I opened two bars so I created bad karma, and karmic retribution is right on my heels!
I am the eldest daughter of my family and the eldest daughter-in-law of my in-laws family. Both my mother and mother-in-law are Buddhist practitioners and urged me to practise Buddhism as well. However, because of my youthful ambition and good fortune, at the age of about 36, I ran two bars and enjoyed the pleasure of earning money, not bothering to practise Buddhism at all. By then, I was young and foolish, in the bars I gained filthy money by means of woman’s charms, which invariably created a lot of bad karma. How many people lost their morals and conscience for my sake of monetary gain? How many families have been broken up behind the scenes? How many people have done many things against ethics and morality under the paralysis of alcohol? I hereby express my deepest repentance to Guan Yin Bodhisattva! Karmic retribution is inescapable. I planted the evil cause so I reap the evil effect. The bad karma I created within two years of running the bars has brought me a tragic retribution 13 years later! (So, dear fellow practitioners, please take this as a warning!)
In 2010, I was 49, my predestined 369 calamity arrived. One day in July, my karma exploded. I suddenly collapsed at home kitchen while stirring frying vegetables. In an instant, I felt that the sky was falling, and I had nowhere to turn for help. An otherwise healthy me entered a life of hell on earth from then on. Every day, I ate, drank, pooped and peed in bed, had difficulty turning over, couldn't wash my hands and face, had trouble swallowing, so it was worse than death. I was paralyzed in bed from then on. The doctor said I had a herniated disc in my lower back. All the bones in my back were misaligned. Both knee bones were necrotic and so swollen. I have visited all the local city and provincial hospitals, big and small, to seek medical care. I almost spent all the several hundreds of thousands of RMB I had gained from my bar business. However, the condition got worse and worse.
2. Since encountering the excellent Guan Yin Citta Dharma Door, I have been practicing Buddhism hard to overcome any obstacles on the way and finally achieved a new life.
Perhaps it was the blessing from my family members who had been making offerings to the Buddha and practising Buddhism for years. Thanks to the mercy of Guan Yin Bodhisattva, I finally encountered the Guan Yin Citta Dharma Door in 2012 when I was in the most desperate situation in my life. The person next door to my bar heard that I was sick and came to see me. She brought me Buddhist scripture, recitation device, Buddhism in Plain Terms, counters and many other Dharma gems. She told me the Guan Yin Citta Dharma Door was very efficacious, and asked me to try it. Although I could not move on bed, I listened all Master Lu's recordings like a thirst. I was pleasantly surprised to hear cases of patients who had been cured of cancer and serious illnesses by practising Buddhism and reciting the scriptures. The recordings of Master Lu's programs were like a bright beacon in the darkness, bringing me hope for life and giving me great encouragement. I felt I was awakened by a powerful energy, stirring up my strong desire to live. I told myself: I must survive; I must save myself! I started to practice Buddhism and recite scriptures as if I had grabbed a lifeline.
I am illiterate, so I had to lie in bed every day and learn to recite word by word with the recitation device. Due to the heavy karma, there was no virtuous and the high-minded practitioner around to teach me how to burn the Little Houses in a rational and lawful way. I foolishly took an ashtray instead of a plate to burn the Little Houses, which resulted in the ashtray blowing up. In order to eliminate karma quickly, I was foolishly reciting the Heart Sutra and Amitabha Pure Land Rebirth Mantra after ten o'clock at night, which resulted in the light bulbs breaking several times (Here, I sincerely remind my fellow practitioners: Master Lu enlightened us not to recite the Heart Sutra and Amitabha Pure Land Rebirth Mantra after ten o'clock at night. Please make sure to read the Introduction to Guan Yin Citta Dharma Door carefully in order to avoid practising Buddhism irrationally). Therefore, we must follow the instructions of Master Lu, and never do what the Master does not allow us to do. The whole process of reciting Buddhist scriptures to eliminate karma is very bumpy. It is really easy to create karma, but very hard to eliminate it! However, I firmly believed that the Bodhisattva is infinitely powerful. As long as I diligently practised Buddhism, my fate would definitely get changed. Hence, I relied on the blissful cases in Master Lu's recordings as my spiritual support. I kept persevering, not afraid of any difficulties, and recklessly recited Buddhist scriptures.
Since I ate, drank and pooped in bed, my aura was very bad. As I could not get up by myself, so I had to lie in bed to recite the sacred Buddhist scriptures. I felt guilty and torn, wondering if this was the appropriate way to recite the sacred Buddhist scriptures. Will it affect the effect of the recitation? Gratitude to Guan Yin Bodhisattva for Her compassion, and I dreamed of Master Lu that night. Master Lu who was dressed in a black suit smiled at me and kindly comforted me: “don't worry.” After I woke up, I was very grateful for Master Lu's compassion. Master Lu knew about my special situation, so this is a sympathy and a condolence to me. After I recited Buddhist scriptures 4 to 5 months late, my neck and head were able to turn significantly. Such a Dharma blissful change thrilled me. All the trials and perseverance I had gone through in the past had not been in vain. Guan Yin Bodhisattva has boundless supernatural power, which had given me a glimmer of hope for recovery! (Here, I sincerely remind my fellow practitioners: In the absence of illness, recitation of Buddhist scriptures must be respectful. A point of respect harvests a point of benefit.)
3. The unique characteristics of attending the Dharma conference and formally acknowledging Jun Hong Lu as my master allow my physical health to improve with Dharma joy
In February 2017, I befriended a fellow practitioner. She invited me to attend the Macau Dharma Convention together. I thought to myself: “can I take the bus by myself?” “Can I attend the conference?” With a strong faith from my inner heart, I attended the conference via keeping reciting the Great Compassion Mantra on the trip. Unbelievably, I arrived at the conference as I wished with the blessing and protection of Guan Yin Bodhisattva, although my bulky legs could only barely support my body in the seat. I was in tears when I listened Master Lu's wise words and saw the holy icon of Guan Yin Bodhisattva. On the night of the conference, I dreamed of Guan Yin Bodhisattva! Gratitude to Greatly Merciful and Greatly Compassionate Guan Yin Bodhisattva for saving me from suffering and giving me a new life. At the end of the Macau Dharma Convention, I instantly made two vows: to be a vegetarian for 15 days per month and liberate 10,000 fish.
Before I attended the Macau Dharma Convention, I had to take a break whenever I walked two steps, and my body was not able to move much. After returning, my legs started to become strong enough to support my body and I could walk on flat ground. Despite they were not very flexible, they were no longer the same as when I was paralyzed like a limp in bed. My whole body is getting better and better in essence, vital energy, and spirit. I was very surprised! Master Lu has enlightened that there are many Buddhas and Bodhisattvas coming to bless attendees at each Dharma conference!
In August 2017, before the Dharma Convention in Malaysia, my fellow practitioners urged me to formally acknowledge Jun Hong Lu as my master. Since I am an illiterate, compassionate fellow practitioners helped me to fill out the application form of seeking discipleship. My fellow practitioners told me that there were so many people wanted to formally acknowledge Jun Hong Lu as their master that I might not be able to reach my wish this time. Then, I had to wait for the opportunity next Dharma Convention. I told myself that whether I could reach my wish or not this time, I would actively participate in Master Lu’s Dharma Convention. Considering my age, it is a blessing for me to attend one more Dharma Convention. To my surprise, one week later, my application for seeking discipleship was approved. Gratitude to Greatly Merciful and Greatly Compassionate Guan Yin Bodhisattva!
On the day of seeking discipleship, I was very excited. During the process of seeking discipleship, I heard a voice in stereo that was very loud. When I opened my eyes, I was surprised to see Tathagata Buddha, and many other Bodhisattvas coming down from heaven. At that moment, I saw that the upper half of Master Lu's Dharmakaya appeared transparent with a huge lotus flower. I was suddenly moved to tears. I was oblivious to the fact that Master Lu had come to my side until the time of issuing the discipleship certificate. Master Lu was very compassionate and empowered me with blessing. Master Lu enlightened, "Because five people opened their eyes during the worship ceremony, they have no lotuses planted in the pure land. But it's okay, when the ceremony is over, you can go to the front and kowtow to ask the Bodhisattva (to plant a lotus)." I then rushed to the front to worship. Before I finished worshiping Bodhisattva, a young fellow practitioner came over. He asked, "How do you feel? Did you see anything?" I said, "I saw Tathagata Buddha." He asked, "How are you sure that was Tathagata Buddha?" I said, "Both my mother and mother-in-law are Buddhist disciples, and Tathagata Buddha has curly hair."
I was grateful for the compassionate blessing from Guan Yin Bodhisattva and Master Lu. When I returned home after seeking discipleship, I made two vows: to be a vegetarian for the rest of my life and never kill (animals). The power of a vow outweighs the force of karma. After I made the vows, Master Lu’s Dharmakaya came to help me heal my legs in my dreams. Once, I saw Master Lu’s Dharmakaya passing by my room while I was half-squinted. Master Lu asked me, "Which foot is uncomfortable? Where is aching?" Instantly I woke up and then I found that my feet didn't feel as heavy as they used to be and I walked more lightly. I excitedly shared the news with my old father, "Master Lu has come to bless me again!" I am grateful to Master Lu for his compassionate care for every sentient being. Every time I dreamed of Master Lu, he would always compassionately endow me with abundance of blessing, and I was always surprised by the improvement in my health.
In a short time, I could not only separate my feet and take turns to walk up and down the stairs independently. Moreover, I could bend back and forth freely with my arms crossed. The bones in my back, which were all misaligned and uneven, were now completely normal again. Previously, I couldn't raise my hands to wash my face, brush my teeth or comb my hair because the bones in my back would pull the nerves and cause severe pain when I raised my hands. In those days, whenever I sneezed or defecated, I felt like to cheat death on pain. In those hellish day I went through unimaginable pain and suffering. Now, however, I can take care of myself completely and move around freely. Sometimes I get a little tired after walking for too long, but I can recover after 10 minutes of rest in bed. Although it is still slightly bumpy while I was walking, if you don't look closely, you can't see it. My family was overwhelmed to see the dramatic change from being paralyzed and bedridden to walking independently since I practised Buddhism. My old father, who was taking care of me at the bedside, complimented me straight away: you have completely changed, becoming healthier and healthier now! I was so excited that I had tears in my eyes. Without the rescue of Greatly Compassionate Guan Yin Bodhisattva and Master Lu, I really wouldn't have the blissful transformation I have today!
In 2019, at the Dharma conferences of Indonesia and Singapore, I pleaded with my fellow practitioners to be merciful to give me the opportunity to volunteer. According to the rules of the Dharma conference, I was already overage. However, I was adamant that I must do volunteer work. Guan Yin Bodhisattva has given me a second life, so I have to serve all sentient beings physically. I am grateful for Greatly Compassionate Guan Yin Bodhisattva who helped me out. When I came back from the conferences, I found that I could bend and squat easily and freely, and I had no problem even sitting on the floor. I am grateful to Guan Yin Bodhisattva for compassionately helping me to eliminate my karma at every conference, so that I can obtain incredible blessings and improvement occur every time.
4. The incredible blessing of setting up the Buddhist altar accelerated my health recovery and created a medical miracle.
From the time I set up the Buddhist altar in 2017, I insisted on offering Bodhisattvas incenses morning and evening every day. At first, the body was still straight and could not bend and bow. For two years, in front of the Buddhist altar, I prayed for Bodhisattvas to bless me so that I could recover my health a little better so I can use my own experience as an example to convince sentient beings to gain faith on Dharma and practise Dharma. Gradually, I was able to stand to offer incense to Bodhisattvas, to bend and bow, and finally to kneel in front of the Buddhist altar to recite the scriptures. I was full of Dharma joy! Initially, my back still hurt from kneeling. With the karmic obstacles being removed, my back didn't hurt anymore. Sometimes when I went out with fellow practitioners to set up the Buddhist altar, particularly on the Buddha's Birthday, I could kneel to recite the Eighty-eight Buddhas Great Repentance for an hour and a half. My fellow practitioners couldn't keep it up, so I was the only one who kept it up until the end. I am so grateful to Guan Yin Bodhisattva for Her compassionate blessing!
At one time, the doctor at the provincial hospital told me that I had to have surgery to put two steel plates into the bone, but I refused. Because I firmly believe that with the of blessings of Guan Yin Bodhisattva and Master Lu, I am afraid of nothing. Buddha is an extraordinary doctor. The only way to recover completely is to repent sincerely and practise Buddhism. I can now move as freely as a normal person. This medical miracle achieved was completely relied on practising Buddhism, reciting scriptures, being a vegetarian, helping new practitioners to set up Buddhist altars, volunteering at Dharma conferences, and actively propagating the Dharma. To improve my family economic financial, I went out to work on construction sites as a helper, do cleaning and housekeeping!
Those patients who were once slightly paralyzed did not recover as quickly and well as I did, even with surgery.
Dear readers, when you see such a dramatic change in me, what are you hesitating for? Hurry up and pick up the Buddhist scriptures to recite! I am the living example, the ironclad evidence. Guan Yin Bodhisattva does exist, and She is Greatly Merciful and Greatly Compassionate, answers any prayers.
Thinking of the bad karma I created in the two bars when I was young, I feel grievously sinful. I have earned ill-gotten wealth, but the karma was produced, and karmic retribution is inescapable. If one hasn't been retributed, the time hasn't come yet. After I got old, all the retribution came to me. Not only did I use up all my money, but I also had to suffer from physical illness and paralysis. I advise everyone to remember Master Lu's enlightenment: Do not do anything that is evil; Do not fail to do good no matter how petty the deed; Do not engage in evil no matter how trivial the deed. Dear readers, please consider it carefully before earning any money, and don’t commit such deep sins as I did for the sake of monetary gain, or else the consequences will follow you!
Without the merciful salvation and blessings of Guan Yin Bodhisattva and Master Lu, I would not have been reborn today! I made a few great wows: honour the teacher and respect his teachings, live an ascetic life for lifetime, be a vegetarian lifetime, not kill, not eat eggs, not smoke, not drink; transcend the cycle of rebirth for good and attain enlightenment in one lifetime. In this life, I will follow Guan Yin Bodhisattva to cultivate my mind and change my behaviour and never quit. I will follow my benefactor, the Compassionate father, Master Lu, to propagate Guan Yin Citta Dharma Door and never stop! Although I am over 60 years, I will continue using my own experience as an example to convince sentient beings to gain faith on Dharma and practise Buddhism. Together with my fellow practitioners, I will get up early and go home late to help set up Buddha altars for new practitioners. No matter how far and how difficult the trip is, I will always be strict with myself. I will go wherever I am needed. Even if I am eating, as soon as I receive a mission for propagating Dharma, I will put down my chopsticks and set off without delay.
Guan Yin Citta Dharma Door is peerlessly efficacious, and Guan Yin Bodhisattva is Greatly Merciful and Greatly Compassionate, saves beings from suffering, has supernatural power, and answer all prayers. As long as we have a devout heart and we persist in reciting Buddhist scriptures and practicing Buddhism, no difficulty can defeat us! My physical changes are the most powerful evidence! May my true presentation give some inspiration to those people who are still suffering from illnesses, so that they can acquire faith to practising Buddhism, and pick up the Buddhist scriptures to recite. May more sentient beings having affinity with Buddha break free from delusion and attain enlightenment, balance egoism and altruism, and free from suffering and gain happiness.
My deepest gratitude to the Greatly Merciful and Greatly Compassionate Guan Yin Bodhisattva!
My deepest gratitude to all Buddhas and Bodhisattvas from ten directions and three periods of time!
My deepest gratitude to the Dharma protectors!
My deepest gratitude to the selfless and altruistic Master Jun Hong Lu!
If there is anything that is not rational or in line with the truth in the presentation, I’d like to seek forgiveness from the Greatly Merciful and Greatly Compassionate Guan Yin Bodhisattva, all Buddhas and Bodhisattvas, Dharma protectors, and Master Jun Hong Lu.
I’d also like to seek forgiveness from my fellow Buddhist practitioners.
I, not my fellow practitioners, will be responsible for my own karma!
Shared by: Dharma Practitioner Ganen, Gratitude and Namaste!
Translated by: Frank
Statement by Translator

1. Story was translated from Chinese into English by meaning, not word by word. If there is anything that is not rational or in line with the true meaning of the Chinese version, I’d like to seek forgiveness from the Greatly Merciful and Greatly Compassionate Guan Yin Bodhisattva, all Buddhas and Bodhisattvas, Dharma protectors and Master Jun Hong Lu.
   
2. Author Ganen was interviewed by Frank during the translation for the detailed information.
   

Propagation
It would be greatly appreciated if you would forward this presentation to all sentient beings you know, sick or healthy. You will accumulate immeasurable merits and virtues. Saving a life is more meritorious than building a seven-floor pagoda!
Would you like to change your destiny?
We will show you how to do the Five Golden Buddhist Practices of Guan Yin Citta Dharma Door: (1) making vows, (2) reciting Buddhist scriptures (sutras and mantras), (3) performing life liberation, (4) reading Buddhism in Plain Terms, and (5) repenting. You will personally witness how you and your family can achieve physical and mental stability, relief from illness and grievances, wisdom growth, academic progress, career advancement, and family happiness through Dharma. It’s free of charge.
Contact
Buddhist practitioner: Lily
Email: [sunnypurplelily@gmail.com](mailto:sunnypurplelily@gmail.com)
WeChat: HanJing20210820
原文如下:
从瘫痪卧床到行走自如做家政，心灵法门创造了医学奇迹
感恩南无大慈大悲救苦救难广大灵感观世音菩萨摩诃萨！
感恩十方三世一切诸佛菩萨！
感恩龙天护法金刚菩萨！
感恩恩师慈父卢军宏台长！
感恩师兄们！
感恩大慈大悲观世音菩萨慈悲，让我能有这个宝贵的机会与大家分享我的学佛经历。我今年62岁，现在是一个能吃、能睡、能走路的正常人了。但是，你们可曾知道，曾经，我是一个连床都起不了、翻身都困难，生活完全无法自理的瘫痪老人！如今，通过学佛念经，我把自己从地狱的苦海里完全挣脱了出来。我要用铁一般的事实告诉大家：学佛念经不仅给了我第二次生命，更让我受益无穷。我要跟大家分享，在这患病的四年里，在没有经历任何手术的情况下，如何让自己从瘫痪到健康的蜕变！愿我今天的分享给有缘人种下菩提种子，让更多的人相信观世音菩萨法力无边，早日学佛念经，离苦得乐！
1. 年轻时开酒吧造恶业，得现世报！
我是家中的长女、婆家的长媳。母亲和婆婆都是学佛人，都劝我也学佛。但是，由于年轻时好胜心强，加之财运不错，36岁左右，我经营两家酒吧，享受挣钱的快乐，根本无心学佛。年轻愚痴的我经营酒吧时靠女色来赚取黑钱，赚的都是不正之财，无形中造了很多恶业。在这种灯红酒绿中生活，我为了金钱利益，让多少人丧失了自己的道德与良知？背后又造成多少个家庭的破裂？又有多少人在酒精的麻痹下做出多少违背伦理道德的事情？弟子在此向观世音菩萨深深忏悔！因果报应丝毫不爽，种恶因得恶果。开酒吧这两年中我所造下的恶业，在十几年后让我得到悲惨的现世报！所以，请大家引以为戒！
2010年我49岁，正逢“三六九”关劫。7月的一天，我的业障大爆发，在家炒菜时突然间倒下。瞬间，我感觉天塌下来，叫天天不应，叫地地不灵。一个原本健康的我从此进入人间地狱般的生活。每天，我吃喝拉撒都在床上，翻身都很困难，没法自己洗手洗脸，吞咽困难，简直生不如死。我从此瘫痪在床。医生说我是腰椎间盘突出。后背的所有骨头都错位。两个膝盖骨头坏死，肿得很大。当地市里、省里大大小小的医院我都看过了。我几乎把我做酒吧生意所赚到的几十万块钱都花光了。然而，病情越来越严重。
2. 得遇殊胜法门，坎坷学佛路中坚持不懈地修行换来重生
也许是家人一直供佛学佛的福德。承蒙观世音菩萨慈悲，在我人生绝境之时，我终于在2012年得遇心灵法门。以前我开店隔壁的人听说我病倒了，就来看我。她给我送来了经书、念佛机、《白话佛法》、计数器等很多法宝。她告诉我心灵法门很灵验，让我试试。我躺在床上虽然无法动弹，却如饥似渴地把师父的录音听了个遍。听到人们通过学佛念经把癌症、重症都治愈的案例，我惊喜万分。师父的节目录音就像黑暗中的一盏明灯，让我看到了生活的希望，给了我很大的鼓舞。在这个过程中我像被一股强大的能量加持唤醒，激起了求生的强烈欲望。我告诉自己：我一定要活过来；我一定要自己救自己！我像抓住了救命稻草似地开始拼命学佛念经。
我不识字，只能每天躺在床上跟着念佛机一字一句地学着念。由于业力牵引，身边没有遇到善知识教我如理如法地烧送小房子。愚痴的我曾拿个烟灰缸代替盘子烧送经文组合小房子，结果烟灰缸炸掉了。为了抓紧时间消业，我晚上十点后还在念《心经》和《往生咒》，结果家里的灯坏了好几次（趁此机会我诚心提醒师兄们：师父开示，晚上十点后不要念诵《心经》和《往生咒》，请师兄们一定要好好看《心灵法门入门手册》，避免操作不如理不如法）。所以，我们一定要听师父的话，师父不让做的就不做。念经消业的整个过程非常坎坷。真是造业容易，消业难啊！但是，我坚信菩萨法力无边，只要精进努力，一定会得到改变的。于是，我依靠师父录音中的法喜案例作为精神支撑。我一直坚持不懈，不怕万难，拼命念经。
由于吃喝拉撒都在床上，气场非常不好，自己又无法起身，只能躺在床上念经。我内心愧疚又纠结，不知道这样念经是否如理如法？会不会影响念经效果？感恩菩萨慈悲，当晚我就梦见师父了。师父身穿着黑西装，一边慈祥地笑着一边安慰我：不要担心。醒来后，我非常感恩师父的慈悲。师父知道我的特殊情况，这是对我的宽容和安慰啊。后来，大概念经差不多4～5个月后，我的脖子和头也能明显地转动了。这样法喜的变化，让我激动万分。我过去所经历的磨难与坚持都没有白费。观世音菩萨法力无边，让我看到了康复的一丝希望！（作者提醒：师兄们，在没有病痛的情况下，念经一定要体态恭敬，一分恭敬一分受益。）
3. 参加法会与拜师的殊胜，让我的身体不断法喜蜕变
2017年2月份，我结识了一位师兄。她邀请我一起去参加澳门法会。我心想：我能自己坐车吗？能去法会吗？凭着内心坚定的信念，路途中我一直念《大悲咒》。虽然我笨重的双腿只能勉强支撑着身体坐在座位上，但在观世音菩萨一路加持护佑下，我竟然能够如愿到了法会现场。现场听到师父开示、看到观世音菩萨的圣像，我泪如雨下。大法会当天晚上，我就梦到了观世音菩萨！感恩大慈大悲救苦救难观世音菩萨救我于苦海，给了我新的生命和生活。澳门法会结束，我当即发愿：一个月吃素15天，放生一万条鱼。参加澳门法会前，只要走两步路我就要歇一歇，而且我的身体没办法大幅度活动。
澳门法会回来后，我的双腿开始变得有力，可以支撑起身子在平地上走路了。虽然还不是很灵活，但是比起原来像软泥一样瘫痪在床的状态，已经不可同年而语了。我整个人精、气、神也越来越好。我非常惊喜！师父开示过，每场法会有很多佛菩萨来加持大家！
2017年8月，马来西亚法会前，师兄们让我拜师，但我不识字。慈悲的师兄们帮助我代笔填写拜师申请表。师兄们告诉我，这次拜师的人太多，有可能排不上队，得等到下一场法会才有机会。我告诉自己，无论这次能不能拜师，我都一定积极参加师父的法会。我这么大年纪了，能参加多一场法会都是我的福报啊。让我惊喜的是，一个星期后，我的拜师申请通过了。感恩观世音菩萨慈悲！
拜师当天，我激动万分。在拜师过程中，我听到一个非常立体、非常响亮的声音。我睁开眼睛时，我竟然看到了如来佛祖，还有好多菩萨都从天上下来了。这时，我看到师父上半身的法身呈现透明状，有一朵大大的莲花。我顿时感动得泪如雨下。直到颁发弟子证的时候，我浑然不觉师父已经走到我的身边。师父非常慈悲，给我灌顶加持。师父说:“因为拜师过程中有5个人睁开了眼睛，所以莲花没有种上去。不过没关系，等拜师仪式结束后，可以到前面去磕头求菩萨。”我就赶紧跑到前面去拜。我还没拜完，就过来了一个年轻师兄。他问我：“您感觉怎么样？有没有看到什么？” 我告诉他：“我看到如来佛祖了。” 他说：“您怎么确定那是如来佛祖呢？”我说：”我家母和家婆是学佛人，如来佛祖头发卷卷的。”
感恩观世音菩萨与师父的慈悲加持。拜师结束回家我就发愿: 终生吃全素，不杀生。真是愿力大于业力，发愿后，师父又来梦里帮我治疗双腿。有一次，我半眯着眼睛看到师父从我的房间经过。师父问我：“还有哪只脚不舒服？还有哪个地方疼痛的？” 瞬间我就醒了，醒来我发现我的双脚没有了原来的沉重感，走起路来更加轻盈了。我激动地跟老父亲分享：“师父又来加持我啦！”感恩师父慈悲关怀着每一位众生。每次梦见师父，师父都慈悲给予加持，我的身体总会有惊喜的好转。
没过多久，我不仅可以分开双脚，轮流迈开步伐独立上下楼梯。而且，我双手叉腰，可以前后自如地弯腰。后背的骨头原本因为全部错位并高低不平，如今完全恢复正常了。原本我没办法把手举起来洗脸、刷牙和梳头，因为手一抬，后背的骨头扯神经会导致剧烈的疼痛。每次打喷嚏或排泄的时候，都有种痛不欲生的感觉，就像死里逃生一样。这种地狱般的日子让我历经常人难以想象的苦痛折磨。然而现在，我的生活可以完全自理并且行动自如。有时候走太久会有一点点累，但是卧床休息十几分钟就可以恢复过来。虽然走路还有一点点高低现象，但如果不仔细看，是看不出来的。看到我学佛念经以来，从瘫痪卧床到独立行走的巨大变化，我的家人无比震惊。当年在床头边照顾我的老父亲直夸我：现在整个人完全变了，变得越来越健康了！我激动得泪眼婆娑。没有观世音菩萨与师父的大慈大悲救苦救难，真的不会有我今天的法喜蜕变！
2019年印尼法会和新加坡法会上，我恳请师兄们慈悲给我做义工的机会。按照法会规定，我已经超龄了。但是，我坚决一定要做义工。观世音菩萨给了我第二次生命，我就要身体力行地为众生服务。感恩观世音菩萨的慈悲，让我能如愿以偿。从法会做完义工回来，我发现我可以轻松自如地弯腰和下蹲，就连坐在地板上也没有问题了。感恩菩萨每次法会上都慈悲帮我消业，让我每次都能有不可思议的加持，变化。
4. 设佛台的不可思议加持，加速我身体恢复健康，创造医学奇迹
从2017年设佛台起，我每天坚持上早晚香。起初，身体还是直直的，不能弯腰鞠躬。两年里，我每天在佛台前上香求菩萨加持，让我身体能恢复得更好一些，能为众生表法。慢慢地，我从站着上香到弯腰鞠躬，到最后可以跪在佛台前念经。真是法喜充满啊！刚开始跪着后背还是很痛。随着业障的消除，我的后背也不疼痛了。有时候和师兄们出去设佛台，遇到佛诞日，我跪着念诵《礼佛大忏悔文》足足有一个半小时的时间。许多师兄都坚持不下来，唯独我坚持到结束。真是感恩菩萨慈悲加持！
曾经，省医院的医生告诉我，必须做手术把两块钢板放进骨头里，但我回绝了。因为我坚信有观世音菩萨和师父两座靠山，我什么都不怕。在因果面前，佛是大药王。唯有诚心忏悔，学佛修行才能彻底康复。我完全靠学佛念经吃素、设佛台、参加法会做义工，积极弘法度人，才创造了医学奇迹：现在和正常人一样行动自如。我甚至去工地做小工，搞卫生、做家政弥补家用！那些曾经轻微瘫痪的患者就算做手术，也没有我恢复得快，恢复到如此好的状态。
读者朋友们，你们看到我如此天翻地覆的变化，还犹豫什么呢？赶快捧起经书念经吧！我就是活生生的例子，铁一般的证据。观世音菩萨真实存在，并且大慈大悲有求必应啊！
现在回想起年轻时开酒吧所造下的恶业，真是罪孽深重。不正之财赚到了，可是，因果报应丝毫不爽，不是不报，时候未到。在我人到老年时，所有的报应一涌而来。不但钱财全部用尽，还要遭受肉体病痛的瘫痪之苦，因果不空啊！奉劝大家一定要谨记师父的教诲：诸恶莫作，众善奉行！不以善小而不为；不以恶小而为之！挣任何钱财之前都要三思，切记不可为了金钱利益而像我一样造下如此深重的罪孽，否则果报如影随形！
没有观世音菩萨和师父的慈悲救度与加持，就没有我今天的重生！弟子许愿尊师重道、一生清修、终生吃全素、不杀生、不吃鸡蛋、不抽烟、不喝酒；一世修成，永断轮回。今生跟着观世音菩萨修心修行，永不退转。跟着恩师慈父卢军宏台长弘扬心灵法门永不停息！我虽然60多岁了，但是我要身体力行地为大家表法，起早贪黑地和共修组师兄们一起去助缘设佛台。无论路程多么遥远，多么艰辛，我都严格要求自己。哪里需要我，我就走到哪里。哪怕我在吃饭，只要接到弘法任务，我一定当即放下筷子，一刻也不能耽误地出发。
心灵法门灵验无比，观世音菩萨大慈大悲，救苦救难，法力无边，有求必应。只要我们有一颗虔诚的心，只要我们坚持念经修行，没有什么困难可以打倒我们！我的身体变化就是最有力的证据！愿我的真实分享给那些还在受着病痛折磨的人们一些启发，让大家生起学佛念经的信念，捧起经书念经，愿更多的有缘众生能够早日破迷开悟，自利利他，离苦得乐！
我的分享结束了，分享中如有不如理不如法的地方，请观世音菩萨慈悲原谅！请十方三世一切诸佛菩萨和龙天护法菩萨慈悲原谅！请师父慈悲原谅！请师兄们批评指正！我自己的业障自己背，不让师兄们背！感恩合十！
分享人：感恩～全素
2022-02-28
请将本文慈悲转发给瘫痪病人及其家属
请转发这篇文章给瘫痪病人及其家属，您会积累无量功德。救人一命，胜造七级浮屠！！！
您想改变命运吗？
我们手把手传授您观世音菩萨的心灵法门五大法宝：“许愿”、“放生”、“念经”、“看《白话佛法》”、”大忏悔”。您将亲自见证如何通过佛法让自己及家人获得身心安定、病苦解除、冤结化解、智慧增长、学业进步、事业提升、家庭幸福。
欢迎联络我们
Lily佛友：sunnypurplelily@gmail.com
Lily微信：HanJing20210820
Disclaimer of Liability:
The contents of the presentation and answers, including text, images, and other information obtained from Dharma practitioners, are provided strictly for reference purposes. Due to the unique nature of individual karma, results similar to those experienced by the authors may not be replicated. The experiences and advice shared should not be construed as medical advice or a diagnosis.
In the event of an emergency, it is crucial to promptly contact your doctor or emergency services by dialing 911. Relying on any information found in the answers is done solely at your own risk. The translator and answerer bear no responsibility for the consequences. By using or misusing the contents, you accept liability for any personal injury, including death. It is imperative to exercise caution and seek professional medical guidance for health-related concerns.

Please pray for me.
I just had door dash deliver me a dozen donuts. And there’s some left over cake that I didn’t eat last night on the counter. Oh, and I’m going to stock up on candy bars and potato chips at the market. But I’m trying to lose weight, so please pray for me.
Oh, and while you’re at it, pray for my wife. She’s a recovering alcoholic and we keep booze everywhere. Beer and wine in the fridge, a fully stocked liquor cabinet. But hey, pray that she doesn’t go back to drinking.
There was a man who owned a house next to the river. And it rained heavily and he prayed that God would keep him safe. And the river rose up until the water was near his porch. And the fire department came by and offered him a ride to higher ground. But he declined and told them that God would save him. Later still, the water rose up even higher so that he had to go upstairs to his bedroom to stay dry. And along came a dude in a boat, and offered to take him to higher ground and safety. But he refused and told the boat guy that God would save him. And the water rose some more, and the guy retreated to his rooftop. A coast guard helicopter spotted him and dropped a basket to take him away. But he refused, knowing God would save him.
And he was swept away by the water.
And drowned.
And as he arrived in Heaven, he asked God “why didn’t you save me?”
And God replied “I sent the fire department, a boat and a helicopter.”
God isn’t gonna “take away” your urges. Prayer ain’t gonna solve this. Jesus told you what to do. Cut off. Cast away.
What’s keeping you from obedience?

Lonely as fuck 20 y/o male who has almost completely lost hope. I’ve never held a girls hand, and the only women I’ve ever been close to are my mom and sister. My hobbies are gaming and shit which are things girls don’t like, so the social events I do go to are just sausage fests. I’ve been teased and called gay a lot, making me seriously reconsider my sexuality multiple times, but I’m just not attracted to dudes at all so ik I’m straight.
I’m on self improvement, but as I gain muscle, the more I realize how this thing all seems like a pipe dream. I’m so fucking socially awkward, have 0 interests that women would find interesting, am a weak person, and have no direction in life. Yeah, I know I want to do Finance cause it makes a lot of money, but I’ve always hated work. I just watch the clock til class/work ends, and then go home and do my thing dreading the next coming day.
And even if somehow I do end up attracting a girl, who’s to say we mesh? Very unlikely she shares my hobbies and doesn’t find me annoying. Either she’ll leave or try to turn me into something I’m not and change me. I know I’m young and have time, but this just eats me up more and more as the years pass. I remember thinking as a young guy, “oh, I’ll have a gf by senior year no problem!” I never got a gf in hs and went to prom without a date 💀
And on top of that all, the girls I do see at the bar and parties only ever want a quick hook up. So fucking pointless. I’m not fucking some random chick and risking getting an STD.
In order to even have a shot I need to:

1. Get shredded
2. Be pretty rich or on the path to be
3. Go to some random ass events where there aren’t only ppl trying to hook up And 4. Overcome all of the demons inside my head. This will definitely be the hardest as ive struggled with suicidal thoughts and OCD, but maybe it isn’t impossible.

Love seems like a fairytale that will never come true

in my humble opinion i'm doing exceptionally well (i mean, at least in comparison to those around me) and would like to share with the public some of my simple yet effective ways of getting rid of unsatisfactory habits and implementing new ones.
1) sleep schedule - as you have probably heard before sleep is absolutely vital (i'm not even going to explain it). but the question is how does one not procrastinate and go to bed early? in the past, i found myself always thinking "just a few more minutes", which ended up being hours. was it worth it? maybe in the moment, i thought it was - hey, i could even watch a few more youtube videos or something - but the next day, i realized it was not. a bad night's sleep ruins the entirety of tomorrow. and in the long term, it's not worth it either (unless you want to be perpetually tired). it's never worth sacrificing the future for short-term pleasure. trust me, i witness this phenomenon every day when i see walking zombies at school. i'm concerned for them. anyhow, it's easy to say but hard to do, and requires discipline. complete your necessary tasks asap (work, assignments, meals, nightly ablutions), and devote an hour or two to your own pastimes. you will realize, there is sufficient time, it's just usually not used wisely.
2) working out - going to the gym is hard. i know. there's always the fear of the regulars and the judging gazes they give you as you lift lighter weights than they do. there's an easy solution to this - learn to not care. nobody's really looking. nobody really cares. they're all more concerned about themselves. although i may be lifting less than they are, at least i am there. being there is something in itself. at least i dragged myself to the gym and am attempting to improve upon my fitness. lifting even one kilogram surpasses lifting zero kilograms, which is if you don't show up. consistency. is. important. if you want to improve, you have to keep at it. set a goal for yourself, even if it's a low bar. the first few days are the hardest. get through the beginning, and the rest becomes a habit.
3) eating healthy - my life hack is 'out of sight, out of mind.' if there's no junk food around me, i won't even think about eating it. when it's there, i will feel the obligation to eat it before the expiration date. when it's not, I generally just completely forget about it. there's also this self-delusion method i used on myself, which is convincing yourself that you do not like a certain food. you absolutely despise it. it's similar to developing a habit - over time, you will forget your desire for it, and you will no longer crave it. (i mean, it worked for me and my crazy yearning for sweets, fried food, and the sort when i was a kid).
4) screen time - sometimes i look around and wonder when everyone suddenly became a phone addict. my friends won't even talk to me. i understand that screens are intriguing. they entertain us and can keep us occupied for hours on end. my friends, my classmates, everyone - are always doom scrolling. we can all be sitting at a table and completely, utterly, silent. because everyone is on their device. even when they're eating, which is ridiculous to me. don't get me wrong - i used to fall for this trap, too. how did i overcome it? easy. there's a screen time restriction option on ios for a reason. i placed regulations on myself to half an hour on addictive apps, which i later minimized to ten minutes. sure, it allows me the option to ignore it, and sometimes i do. but even so, at least i am actively aware of the time i am wasting by watching second-long videos that go on and on, and honestly have close to no relevance to my life. perform this single action, and cut your screen time from 15 hours a day (my friends) to less than an hour (me).
the key to motivation is self-discipline and perseverance. i know firsthand how easily motivation can be quelled, especially in this world where our confidence can so easily be crushed by people around us. when we see people living such glamorous lives on social media, we think "oh, i'll never achieve such a life." by doing so, our reasons for improvement diminish. keep in mind that people who thrive are the way they are because of their hard work and endurance. do not compare yourself to others, and do not concern yourself with the judgment of others. in reality, they do not care about you. everyone's only focusing on themselves, so you should too. love yourself. do yourself a favor and start small. one day, you will look back and see how far you've come.

I slept fine, I didn’t fall asleep so nicely. I don’t know why, I felt perfectly adequate all evening and then bam I cry myself to sleep. I don’t know how or why, and I didn’t even cry over anything in particular it was just any and everything. And I just kept crying and crying, like a baby. I had to switch pillows twice because I drenched it, but I got to sleep on my favourite pillow by the time I was almost asleep thankfully. I can be so picky with pillows, another thing mum tends to call me, even to this day - the princess and the pea. Or rather she likens me to her… I can’t entirely say I disagree tbh. I just like things a particular way, not all things, I can be relaxed about plenty, but there are some things I just to be just so. My pillows when I sleep for example, how the dishwasher top rack is stacked etc. Entirely inconsequential things really. But anyway. I didn’t fall asleep so nicely. I woke up feeling better, still a bit sad but nothing I couldn’t ignore.
It’s now 12:58pm and I’ve done next to nothing. I’ve been watching BT, I’m not writing the name of the show because I feel like that might be search heavy at the moment? So I’ve been watching that, I’m midway through the third episode now and there are four out so far. I’ve also painted some of my lil clay things with primer. And that’s about it. I really need to clean and tidy my room but the idea of it… ugh. I don’t want to :(
I’m loving BT so much. I like the stories and characters and stuff, but I mostly love the sets and costumes. They’re just so luxuriously opulent and uggghhhhhhh I want to just stare it all. Sometimes I wish they would clear out the cast and just give us a tour of the rooms and show all the details of the gowns. But like I learned in therapy, beauty is something I value highly, not in a vain way but in the way I utterly adore beautiful things whether it be a stunningly ornate wallpaper, a sparkly bead encrusted gown or even a leaf that is the perfect shade of green. I just love it all and it brings me so much joy, more than I realised now that I’m conscious of this value of mine. But the BT house itself, particularly the drawing room ommmmgggg. The blue? I think it’s called wedgewood blue from memory, with the creamy/white detailing. And all the light streaming through. It’s so dreamy. And it makes me love my blue and white bedroom more. And the gowns!!!!!!! I wish I could roll around in them, they’re so sparkly and detailed and beyond beautiful. Particularly the ones crusted in beading and with the luxurious silks and satins and velvets and taffetas and organza and all of it. And the colours! It’s all so dreamy. I don’t overly love the style of a lot of the gowns, that sort of empire line, mainly because it only looks good on women with fewer curves and a flatter chest, they can look gorrrrrrrgeous in them. But otherwise if you have any kind of cleavage it looks so weird and bleh. I love Penelope so much, she’s always been a favourite character and she honestly deserves the very best. And Colin definitely got a glow up prior to this season. His brown coat is so delicious. I’m beginning to wonder if I should read the series…? I do love a lil historical romance. Anyway I don’t even Penelope and Colin to end up together, I mean Lord Debling is so lovely and Colin is off sleeping with hookers… like? Then again I know I am wrong in how I think and feel about all of this. I know I have expectations ghat are unfair, I mean maybe not for everyone but if I’m nothing special and therefore not enough then can I criticise. This doesn’t make sense. Anyway. Actually nevermind I just watched the fourth episode and I am very much Team Colin. EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEH!!!!!!!! But now I have to wait for part two in mid June :(
I’m going to the office tomorrow. I don’t want to. But oh well. I’m going to make a concerted effort to get back in twice a week - I’ve been slack with it and it doesn’t help me become better. Leaving the house more is important, so this shall be one of the ways. I’m also going to get some new sneakers and a walking jacket so I can go for walks more regularly. I’d like to go several times a week, but I’ll work up to that. I love my walks, I love them a lot but I just get filled with every negative emotion when I go for them around my house, to the point I’ll start having tears running down my cheeks or shaky trembly hands - it’s pathetic. I think environment is everything, and purpose. When I walk pups at my parents I don’t feel these things, I’ll be a little anxy but nothing I can’t manage. But here? It’s so hard. It’s so stupid I know. But I love walking, I feel better when I do it regularly, so I shall keep forcing myself to do it until I feel okay about it. I know this is what I have to do, but the way it makes me feel inside… it never feels worth it. To be 20 minutes walk from home and feel on the verge of a panic attack is NOT a good feeling and it only makes my panic worsen. So baby steps. I’ve been considering on and off moving to a different area, I think I would feel more comfortable in other areas, I don’t know why I don’t here but I don’t. But moving elsewhere is no different to running from problems so I will sort it out here.
I broke his little bowl. I didn’t mean to :( I feel kind of upset about it, it’s been two weeks in the making with time to shape, dry, prime and I was doing a final layer of primer pre paint and my stupid finger went through the base. So I guess it would never have been a good present anyway because it broke so easily. But I bought a really pretty coloured paint because I thought he might like it and I just feel upset. I showed him it, idk why, I just messaged him a picture of it now and I already wish I hadn’t. I shouldn’t have even made anything for him in the first place, he’s made it abundantly clear he doesn’t care for homemade things - cards, presents, whatever. If he did like them he would comment on them, and he never does, so maybe it’s a good thing this broke. I just like sharing things with him, like when I draw and I like a tree I’ve drawn I want to show him, except I don’t because I’m utterly rubbish at drawing and it makes me look like a five year old. I at least appreciate his honesty, or transparency rather. It means I can understand what he does and doesn’t like. I just think his likes don’t mesh with my like of making homemade cards and presents. It’s not like I only give him that though. Anyway it doesn’t matter, plus it’s probably better for me to not share things like this given I don’t have any skill or natural talent with it. Just because you enjoy something doesn’t make you good at it.
I don’t feel so great this afternoon, mood wise.
I’ve done the absolute bare minimum with my room, and the bar was set very, very low today. I tidied the floor up a bit, I made my bed, did a lazy tidy of my vanity desk thing.. that’s about it. I’ll do more across the week.
I feel.. detached today. This afternoon, rather. I know I love my family, Andy, puppy… etc. I just can’t feel it. I know it’s all in there, but I feel detached and I can’t reach it. This isn’t unusual, I just always try to describe the feeling and always fail. I think knowing I care but not being able to feel myself care sums it up as well as I’ll ever be able to.
I found a little notebook of my early days of therapy, well with this current one, maybe not that early actually but idk. It was just me writing down who I am. The first is “I am a human” because I had to start with the basics. The last line is “I try my best to be friendly” - I think I will continue with this. No one really comments much on me so I will just write it as things feel write. From memory it was also a way to force myself to speak more kindly to myself, ie I am a woman vs I am a monster. And things like I’m generous, I love animals, I am quiet, I try to be patient, I love romance, I appreciate attention to detail, I like to care for others, I am a homebody, I love reading etc. And then scattered amongst it was some honesty, like I can be a control freak, I am quite particular about some things, I am indecisive, I am sensitive etc. And then next to I am a friend I have a question mark. But I want to continue writing these things, I think it’s helpful when I feel lost in myself to be able to read through a list of things I’ve written and be reminded. That sounds so silly to not know who you are sometimes, but sometimes I just feel so unbelievably lost and unmoored from everything, even myself. So I’ll write all the good things, and the bad. I’ll write things that I like, things that I don’t. I’ll write things I want in my life, things I feel like I should want but don’t, things I shouldn’t want but do etc etc etc. It’ll be a little tiny notebook of everything me. I wonder if sometimes it’s possible for me to get any lamer? Unlikely.
I’ve been thinking about stopping journaling here more and more. I get more out of posting it here, it feels like a release, like I’m letting all the thoughts go which is especially helpful with my negative ones, I don’t know.
It’s 5:23pm. I need to wash and blowdry my hair, as it’s still damp in the morning lately. I need to have something for dinner, I guess. I’ve been struggling with eating lately, I feel so ugly and it makes me not want to eat and then that sets off a bad string of things. I’ll have something little, vegemite toast maybe. I need to pack my bag for tomorrow. And that’s it.
I feel better after a shower and chat with Andy, I still feel not good but he perked me up on the outside. He makes me laugh so much :) It’s kind of weird to think I’ll be living long term in Australia, like I’ve always intended on living there - until my mental health and covid messed things up a little for me timeline wise. But to think I’ll maybe say Australian things…? That I’ll say thongs? And I definitely will because I cave quickly, like I was only in the UK two years and I said crisps and trainers and I still do to this day, which I’m actively trying to stop. I wonder what my accent would sound like after like ten years… I really doubt I’d ever lose my accent. It’s funny how I do probably sound a bit different when talking to him versus my mum. I just talk more softly with him, I naturally do anyway to the point I have people comment semi regularly on how soft spoken I am, but idk, I don’t even mean to speak to him a certain way, I just do? And then he hears me talking to mum and I probably sound like I’m wearing Jandals and stubbies while loading up the ute as I prepare for a tramp in the bush. Christ. I do love being from here though, in theory I would rather we live here than Australia, and never say never… but it makes more sense to be there. I don’t really have anyone here other than my parents whereas he has family and friends and his payments and all of it. I don’t really have any ties here. Anyway.
I get to spend time with him tonight :) Night night

Just recently sailed on Resilient Lady and thought it might be helpful to share a bit of my experience.
I eat dairy- and gluten-free - EoE diagnosis - but do not avoid cross-contamination.
Overall, both the experience on board and during excursions was quite accommodating.
Many of the restaurants offer gluten-free dishes - indicated by “(gf)” on the menus - that can be modified to also exclude dairy-containing ingredients. Many restaurants offer vegan options - indicated by “(vv)” on the menus - in addition to dishes that are both gluten- and dairy-free.
Each day I had a matcha latte with Oatly oat milk. Almond and soy were also available but I can’t speak to exactly which brands were in use.
The crew was very attentive to dietary restrictions and asked multiple times throughout the cruise if anyone in our party had any allergies, and they were very receptive if you happened to mention it first.
Another go-to drink that I got multiple times was the Fill Me Up smoothie from the Athletic Club bar which contained chocolate Vega hemp protein, peanut butter, almond milk, and maca, and to which other boosts could be added like reishi mushrooms, MCT oil, spirulina, and more. Made for a great post-workout snack.
Any excursions where food was involved asked if we had any allergies and for the most part there were pretty great accommodations made. Kudos to Manousakis Winery as there was a miscommunication but they threw together an awesome salad in lieu of cheese and bread at the last minute.
Happy to try to answer any other questions. Happy Sailing!

Not much to say here since I wanted to see what happened with the Weaver. Enjoy!
Ch. 21

• Oh how creepy is this…door shutting, handle gone, and the Weaver softly saying “who's in my house?”
  
• Holy shit why does she look like that?! Don't tease me with the young body but then have The Ring girl’s face attached to it. She's definitely a double bagger, absolutely terrifying.
  
• Omg Feyre, you go scorched earth and set fire to the entire cottage with a candle instead of using your flamethrower ability with your hands and torch the Weaver. SMH
  
• Escape through the chimney though, that's smart. This girl has some bright moments
  
• Wait, is the Weaver cooking faeries?! And is she weaving their entrails or flesh or something??? I mean, on the one hand that's just plain gross, but on the other, why don't you just weave you a new face???
  
• Isn't Feyre like super strong now? Why doesn't she just punch through the chimney?
  
• Weaver is gaining, please feel free to use your mind bullets at any time now Feyre. Also, feel free to step in at any time Rhys and help out lol
  
• Oh wow, the Weaver made her house of out of the bodies of her victims, this is the stuff of nightmares
  
• “What the hell did you do?” LOL Rhys just chilling on a tree, winnow the fuck out plz and ty
  
• Dude Amren can just vanish vomit? I think my question about fae plumbing has now been answered!
  
• So the ring was just a memento from his mom? Makes sense
  
• Thank you Feyre for finally coming to your senses and wanting to learn how to fight and how to use your abilities. It only took almost dying again to realize it
  
• Oooh diving into Rhysand's pensive! Let's see what he shows Feyre
  
• Damn, Ianthe wants some High Lord D!
  
• Oh interesting, so Ianthe does have ulterior motives…this is like some bene gesserit scheming going on. At least Rhys knows not to stick his dick in crazy. Much respect, he's channeling that Lucien energy again!
  
• Very cool developments!
  

Ch. 22

• Oooh some Mor backstory, thank you mommy
  
• Damn so faeries are just as petty as humans when it comes to selling off their daughters…BRUTAL
  
• Good guy Cassian always coming to the rescue, this guy chads
  
• Oooh Feyre chose Azriel to carry her, Cassian and Rhysand are like wtf
  
• Oh nice they're in the mortal lands now.
  
• Quick side bar: what's Tammy been doing all this time? Is there any palace left? I'm assuming it's rubble from all of his tantrums of losing Feyre. Or maybe he's going through all the bureaucratic faerie red tape to demand an audience with the night court. I'm surprised Lucien hasn't tried to make contact, but I'm guessing he thinks this is for Feyre’s benefit.
  

Ch. 23

• Oh shit it's Elain and Nesta! This must feel surreal for Feyre
  
• Damn Nesta is cold-blooded. No sympathy for Feyre at all
  
• Why doesn't Feyre just explain that they'll glamour everyone and ward their house so no one knows that the faeries will be in their town?
  
• I'm wondering if Nesta is jealous at all with Feyre. I bet she's waiting for some high fae to sweep her off her feet the way she talks to Feyre about bouncing from court to court
  
• Nice! No time to waste, let's get the meeting started
  

Ch. 24

• Oh interesting Feyre's last name is Archeron? Hmmm….Cursebreaker sounds better
  
• Also, is this meeting turning into a triple date???
  
• Lol Azriel doesn't want to be here at all
  
• Dinner too??? They just need to pair off now
  
• I'm sure there's meaning behind where everyone sits at a feast, but I'm ignorant to all that decorum.
  
• Cassian sitting next to Elain though, the first move has been made!
  
• Interesting, so human food doesn't taste good at all to fae? How is it different?
  
• “I can eat, drink, fuck, and fight just as well as I did before. Better, even.” THE SHADE. Cassian choking on his water in response is hilarious
  
• Hahaha Cassian found his lover, he's sizing Nesta up and she's having none of it.
  
• Lol she's not even acknowledging him, this bro is in love.
  
• OH SHIT Elain mentioning Clare Beddor and both her murderers are in the house! And Rhys is just keeping his head down eating shit food lol. Peak awkwardness.
  
• Bro…Cassian is straight up imprinting on Nesta right now. He wants that mating bond BAD.
  
• Just two rooms? I bet Rhys and Feyre get the room with just one bed.
  
• LOL Rhys just side steps the awkwardness with his multi-dimensional closet, that's super handy
  
• “Nesta is a delight, by the way.” Bahaha I think deep down in his heart of hearts he knows Nesta has a hold on Cassian and he’ll be seeing a lot more of her
  
• Lol they're talking wages now? And they have banks??? Lines of credit? What's the APR on that Velaris Platinum card?
  
• Awww Rhys is butt hurt that he missed Feyre's birthday…I'm sure he'll make up for it somehow. Maybe his mother's ring???
  
• “My money's on Nesta…So’s mine.” LOL put me down for a dime on Nesta as well
  

Ch. 25

• FINALLY some element bending training.
  
• Feyre wants to train in private because Rhys is a distraction? Lol if that doesn't scream I'm into you I don't know what is
  
• “You could try rubbing it on certain body parts and I might come faster.” Hahahaha bro why don't Rhys and Lucien get along? These guys have the same snarkiness
  
• Oh cool, some inter-dimensional pen writing, NBD
  
• “I'm watching Cassian and Nesta get into it again over their tea.” lol can we get a chapter on this interaction? That sounds better than reading about Feyre staring at a candle for an hour and not asking for help
  
• “Life is better when you're around.” I mean, how long is this little Do-Si-Do between them gonna last? Just kith already
  
• OH SHIT it's the Attor!
  

These recent cliff hangers have been great so far! Let's hope Feyre taps into her abilities and freezes the Attor’s nuts off. Thanks for reading!

Hi, I'm new here, been lurking for about a month and haven't gone to any meetings but have found comfort in this group. Strangely it makes me feel better knowing my position is not unique and neither is my Q. Things have broken down and I find myself awake at 2 AM with no one real to talk with, so I thought getting feelings out on (digital) paper might be therapeutic.
My wife (F36) and I (M31) have been married for 4 years. Two beautiful little girls together who have me absolutely wrapped around their fingers. Both of us are pretty successful in our careers. Not rich by any means, but she's got 2 bachelors degrees and a masters, I've got a successful public service career so far. Everything looks great from the outside.
My wife, we'll call her L, has had a problem with alcohol for a while. At least a year and a half, which is such a short amount of time compared to some of y'all, which makes me feel even more absurd about my situation. The past 18 months, her daily routine has been to come home from work, pour a glass (lol more like 3) of wine, and drink wine constantly until she decided to sleep. Typically she'd fall asleep in a chair or on a couch, sometimes with a plate of food still on her lap. Keep in mind, she almost never eats during the day, so this is mostly all on an empty stomach. Also, she's prescribed Ambien Xanax, which is a whole other thing. I'd made comments here and there, telling her how nice it'd be for her not to drink for a night or two. I used to genuinely enjoy her as a person. Of course she never remembers these conversations because she's fucked up on Ambien and wine. Sex was almost non-existent because honestly it was hard for me to find her attractive when she could barely keep her eyes open and smelled like a dive bar floor. There are other issues she's caused with her drinking in the past, but those are neither here nor there. All of them form a pattern that is unhealthy at best and disastrous at worse.
About a month ago, things came to a head. She made a series of mistakes at work (did I mention she works in addiction medicine? lol) which resulted in her losing her job, threatening my career, and she is still potentially facing criminal charges. I won't go too much into detail about what happened. The day that happened, I told her she needs to leave and go stay at her parents' house. She did. Part of that was for me and my daughters to have space from her so I could make decisions, part of it was out of anger, and part of it was because I selfishly wanted to distance myself from her for work reasons. I kept the girls, my parents (my rock) helped me out for a bit while I was working, and I let the girls stay in her parents' house with them for a bit. I went over there and laid out simple expectations: no more alcohol, go to therapy, try to wean off of Ambien and Xanax. Those were my expectations, and she agreed to them. She then blamed me for her drinking: I'm too distant from her, I'm too mean to her, I'm too healthy, I put too much pressure on her, I'm too successful, I'm not attracted to her, etc. I heard all of those as excuses for her drinking (and called her on that).While she was gone I got rid of all the alcohol in the house. I don't drink for health reasons, so this wasn't an issue for me.
She comes home after a week of staying at her parents' house. A few days later, I find an almost empty bottle of vodka in the fridge. I absolutely hate vodka and have never known her to drink it, at least at home, so I brush it off and justify it by saying maybe someone brought it over a long time ago and I just forgot about it (lol). I toss it in the trash.
The next day, I find another 2 bottles in the freezer, one full and one half gone. When I find it, I'm literally in the process of leaving for work so I just dump them, toss them in the trash and bounce. I'll deal with that later. That same night, when I get home, she's already passed out on the couch. I look in the freezer and surprise! another half drunk bottle of vodka. The next morning, I tell her once again I want her to leave the house and I tell her why. Her response was "You told me you didn't want me to drink wine, so I got a bottle of vodka. It's refreshing and nice to drink outside." I just relented because I honestly couldn't believe what I was hearing. She once again promised "If that's what you want, I swear I won't drink anymore alcohol. That'll be easy for me."
Cut to the very next day, the night before our wedding anniversary. I've made it a habit to surreptitiously taste her "water" or "gatorade" when I have the chance. Mostly to confirm my own suspicions and whether my gut is correct or not (spoiler alert: it's right most of the time). I taste it, dump it, go to sleep (she's of course passed out on the couch). The next morning, the day of our anniversary (and Mother's day weekend) when I confronted her about it, she looks me dead in the eyes and lies to me about it. I call her on her bullshit and after about 5 minutes she relents and admits and apologizes. Once again she promises blah blah blah. I tell her very frankly: we have family plans this weekend. I will go with you to keep up appearances but I just want you to know, I am pretending.
Honestly the weekend goes pretty well, I don't have many complaints. But I go back to work and she's back at home jobless and with the girls, it picks right back up. I taste vodka in one of her drinks, confront her about it, she lies, etc. Last night she's passed out super early on the couch, so I taste the water bottle she's been guarding all night and it's LOADED with vodka and liquid IV. I search her car and find an empty bottle and search her bag and find an empty bottle. I leave the car bottle on her driver's seat. She wakes up as I'm going to bed and I tell her "I don't want to talk about it anymore." She says "talk about what?" and I say "You know what." Today we didn't speak to each other at all before I left for work. At about 9PM, her mom texted me at work and said basically "We went over to bring her food and she was a blubbering mess. We took her and the girls to our house to take care of them." Of course, I look in the trash can and there's another liquid IV/vodka. Also of course, her mother has no idea what happened today, nor do I. Was she overcome by shame? Did she pass out on the couch with the girls in the house? Did she get angry with them and hurt them? No way to know.
So, here I sit. I've been contemplating divorce for a while, but it feels unfair to only really give her a month to fix this problem. At the same time, she has taken exactly zero steps to fix the problem and has actually made it worse. The alcoholism is one problem, the lying is an entirely different problem I'm not willing to overlook. I know it's easy to say the lying is a result of the alcoholism, but the trust I once had in this relationship is absolutely shattered. It's gone. Which makes things easier for me because I can stop expecting anything different, but it also means I have decisions to make regarding my daughters' future with her.
I am at work from 1pm to 10pm every day and I'm absolutely terrified about what happens when I'm not here. As a matter of fact, now that I'm typing this, the solution seems simple. It's genuinely a safety issue for my daughters. I don't trust her with them. I don't trust her not to pass out when they're playing outside. I don't trust her not to let them accidentally drink her vodka Gatorade. I don't trust her not to get in a DUI crash with them in the car. The answer is so blindingly obvious. She's showing me who she really is and, to this point, has not made any steps to change it. Part of me is hoping she'll just stay at her parents' house until she finds a job and can afford an apartment. Part of me is hoping she'll text me tomorrow and says she's going inpatient. Part of me hopes I wake up tomorrow and this will all just be a funny dream. Part of me hopes I don't wake up tomorrow. I won't do it myself simply because I refuse to leave my daughters behind. This shit hurts, though, and therapy as well as peer counseling from work have been pretty helpful on that front.

Last night we were celebrating my boyfriend’s success at work with his school friends (4 other men). He got too drunk, which is fine. It doesn’t happen very often and as I said we were celebrating his success.
The problem is that he started to act super entitled to my body. When I went to the toilet, he started looking through my hidden photos folder on my phone (again fine, he has most of the pics anyway, it’s just that he was sat in a bar with his friends). I don’t think anyone else saw them.
I was being supportive, making him drink water and eat. And I wasn’t shutting down any of his sexual comments. He was drunk and I didn’t think they mattered.
The issue came when he grabbed my boob and made a honk noise. We were sat at a table with all his friends. I don’t know who saw. It just made me feel so uncomfortable I didn’t know what to do. I kind of retreated into myself a little and took him home soon after that.
On the walk home I told him how uncomfortable it made me feel and he was so apologetic. To the point where I was having to reassure him and tell him I forgive him over and over again. In a passing comment he said I should have waited to tell him because when he’s drunk he’s just going to obsess over it.
He’s asleep now and I don’t really know what to do. We’ll talk about it when he’s sober but I don’t really know what outcome I want. I guess I’m putting this out here to gauge context of how annoyed I should feel or get ideas for what others would do. We’re both Christians and although we’re quite liberal within the Christian community, I’m still a lot more prudish than many. So what do I do? What would you do?