https://youtu.be/rR1H1Dc3Suw?t=11611
I have timestamped the video for the moment Chris comes in. For context, streamer Clueminati has covered other true crime cases but this one happens to be in her own town. She has met Seth at a few searches a couple months back, and has spoken to the Proudfoot's over the phone several times. She is considered to have a bias toward the "Proudfeet" and against Seth. She doesn't believe the Proudfeet have been given a fair shake by independent and mainstream media.
My own summary (my perception could be different from yours):

• Chris says people are going to have their opinions; it's ok. It's been an eventful night with Chris and Katie listening to the Smiley Story's World Podcast of the same night.
• "There are people out there who have done some pretty heinous things, threats; and we have handed them over to law enforcement....No one's gonna wanna be alone, and that's not fair."
• 13-18 different search dogs have been in the house
• The 5-mile radius from the house has been thoroughly checked. Going outside would be a good start.
• Asked about how Seth met Katie (allegations of grooming/statutory R): "My daughter would not have that sort of situation with a man, ever. Period... [The speculation and digging] has absolutely nothing to do with Sebastian missing."
• all theories and speculation are hogwash. Both sides have worked with LE to get answers and debunk theories.
• On online drama and the phonecall btw Chris and PI Chloe being leaked: "Ok, that audio file that got leaked...is that doing any justice to anybody? No... all it did was start more speculation..." Chris would like to speak w/ Seth privately w/o all the YouTubes and etc. Get back to basics.
• Katie is hurting, but hanging in there. They have been offered therapist services and they're going to take it up. Chris would recommend the same to Seth. "I got love for Seth too."
• Feels WebSleuths panel episode was a set-up. Wants to have these sort of discussions offline.
• It bothered him to see comments in Smiley's chat during Seth's appearance last night - people were discouraged to continue helping. "Please keep Sebastian's name out there."
• Doubtful he and Katie will be at the vigil today. "I don't think it has 100% true meaning of what it's supposed to be." Worried some may have bad intentions. Doesn't want just one vigil; wants to find a way to bring all the churches and schools and communities together, across cities.
• "Katie went on OnPatrol by HERSELF, no help... I thought she did amazing! And people still attacked her. I don't know what more she can do."
• On the Sling Blade prank call from a few weeks back: "I am kinda a joker, I have to let y'all know... It's one of my ways of relieving tension...it's not like I'm making fun of Sebastian...he and I joke around together... No, I don't make fun of Sebastian."

Ok, I'll continue in comments. This is long and I want to get the link out there.

in january i (f18) got into a relationship with my now ex (m17) and the first month was really good untill we started having sex a week before valentines day and right after valentines day happened he just completely switched up also throughout our entire three month relationship id ask questions about him and his ex because they just broke up right before we started dating (i had just gotten out of a relationship as well) but he promised me he was over her because they were off and on all the time and he was tired of that and i believed him she also lived in a whole different state because he just moved here so i really trusted him and i would also ask questions about her because once literally displayed in his closet i noticed letters that his ex had given him and i found pictures of them that he hid poorly and id notice stuff of hers around his room like gifts and whatever every-time id ask about it he would get so mad and so defensive and be like “well you and your ex this and that” and then two months into the relationship he just out of the blue one day said “if i ever get in a bad place mentally ill need to take a break from the relationship” obviously i was confused so we bickered about it and i tried ignoring it but after valentines day and leading up to that conversation he had been acting different and it only got way worse almost exactly a month later a week after prom he texts me “im in a bad place mentally” and “sometimes i feel like im not ready for a relationship” and he refused to admit that was him breaking up with me so the next day i had to do it and say the words for him literally a few days later he starts following his ex on social media and she never followed him back so he stopped following her for a second but now its been a month since we’ve broken up and now they’re following each other on both of their little secret accounts and he blocked me on everything and i know i shouldn’t be paying attention but it’s difficult to not stalk because his ex lives in a different state so thats my only source which i know isnt really reliable but im just so hurt because he told me be was completely over his ex when we started dating and i really “loved” him (whatever love means for an 18 year old) i gave a lot of me to him he was my first real experience with stuff and he also told me i was the one to take his virginity (even though he had a whole box full of condoms prepared??? like on our third date he was like “i have condoms in my room” (i should have known)) but him and and his ex we’re together for like three years sooo and he also said so many other things that i know now were lies and now i just know i was the rebound untill either of them were available again and i just feel so used because after valentines day we were having sex at least once a day every single day and before we got intimate i told him i wanted to wait a little but he kept pressuring me so i finally gave in and i got really attached like i’ve never had a connection like that with someone else before he saw me when i was most vulnerable and now i just feel so used and dirty i should have known what his true intentions were especially because the second we started having sex he changed and our relationship just went to shit but it hurts even more because what we did meant a lot to me but i know it meant nothing to him especially since i don’t think i was his first time even though he was mine i just dont know what im supposed to do i know i have to move on and whatever i know ill meet more people and whatever and im so young and dumb and this is all a learning experience but im so hurt how do i live with this feeling for now it hurts so much i feel so used he meant so much to me and i was just a body until his ex came back to him.

I've got dyslexia, dysgraphia, and dyscalculia.
Dyslexia - I'm tired of people saying "same" when I have spelling issues. Like, respectfully, no it's not the same. We all make spelling mistakes and that's normal. It's not normal I functionally need autocorrect to spell at an acceptable level. I understand they're trying to be kind though, so I admittedly should work on just letting this one go.
Dysgraphia - First off almost nobody knows what this is (impacts handwriting and or written expression). This one hits me the hardest.... I can sign my name alright thanks to lots of practice. But when I tell people I shouldn't be the person specified to take notes, I'm not being lazy. My notes actually suck. My handwriting looks terrible. I have trouble staying in the lines, I swap back and forth between cursive and print, the spacing between my letters is inconsistent, my "5" and "S" are actually identical. What really gets to me when is when people do see my handwriting/notes and they feel the need to, often without the intent of being mean, call it out like "wow. You can read that?". Or sometimes I'll tell people I have dysgraphia and my handwritten is horrendous. Then they'll insist I write something out to "prove it". So I can either say no and seem lame, agree and write my normal way and have people laugh at my bad handwriting, or I can work extra hard and make a sentence legible be told how my handwriting is fine and have them question if I really have a disorder.
Dyscalculia - again not a lot of people know this one (math related issues). But once they hear about it, they almost always insist I don't actually have it. For example, someone saw me add 3 dollars to a tip and said "you added that correctly". Like, okay? I can add and subtract from 1-25 pretty easily. But when it gets a bit more complex I need a calculator. Or they insist I can't have dyscalculia because I'm a grad student. I try to explain I can understand what to do and grad courses totally let me use calculators. I can use my notes to run statistics. Literally nobody runs ANOVA's in their head. I will admit I am lucky I only have a mild degree of dyscalculia that primarily impacts my "pure math" ability. I can do word problems or figure out my own research data; but when something is totally abstract and devoid of a context (like ACT and GRE math) I take a really big blow... But people still insist it's not real.
Basically I'm a bit annoyed with people who think learning disorders are the same thing as misspelling a few words, that I'm lying because I'm a grad student, or get enjoyment out of making fun of my poor writing.

I (F24) live in Wisconsin. In April 2021 I attended a hair appointment at a local salon to receive two services to treat myself for my 21st birthday. One service was to dye my hair and the other was hand tied hair extensions. The morning after, I noticed my scalp, facial parameter, and ears were swelling, sore, blistered and excreting liquids. I immediately messaged my stylist and they did not answer until late at night after I had already visited the emergency room because the swelling was progressively getting worse. In the emergency room I was told I had had an allergic reaction to what was used in my hair and that the swelling would continue to progress. My entire face swole over the span of 2-3 days and my eyes were swollen shut at a certain point. My scalp, face, and ears continued to blister, excrete fluid, and crust. I was not able to attend work, school, complete assignments, and other personal responsibilities (ex. picking up my sister from school). I lost sleep and felt immense fear that the swelling would spread to my throat. This was something I was told in could happen in the emergency room.
After discussing this situation with the salon owner and stylist that did my hair, we came to an agreement through direct messages. The owner offered a parcial refund of $500. The total cost was $1400. I accepted as I needed the money to pay the medical bills. It has been 3 years and I have not received this payment. I had limited correspondence from the salon owner whom I made the agreement with and I was blocked on my social media accounts. After making a more public Facebook post that received some local attention, the owner has reached out again regarding this matter.
In addition to in person communication, messages, a salon review, and calls, I sent a letter asking for their direct insurance information. This was suggested by another lawyer I contacted regarding this incident. I did not receive a response. Also, during our in person discussion the owner stated that seeking legal action would not be good, that he “knew law” and that his father was a lawyer. This was intimidating.
After three years, I feel I deserve more than what was originally agreed on. This has been a constant stressor on my life. It has left me humiliated, distraught, and unable to ever step foot into a salon again. I don’t know what to do.
Thank you to anyone that takes their time to read and advise!

Hi, I'm purchasing a local pizzeria, partially with seller financing (40%) and partially with an SBA loan (60%). The SBA loan also includes an amount equal to the seller financing, intended to cover operaing costs for startup.
And, because I anticipate many readers asking the obvious question: Yes, I will be working with a business lawyer ASAP, before we create the purchase agreement. Right now I'm working on the letter of intent because that is one of the requirements for the SBA review process, and I hope to submit it tomorrow morning.
I have an SBA template for letters of intent, and it covers alot of my needs, but I'm uncertain of how to include language to define the offered seller financing.
The SBA LOI section on the "seller note" seems like the obvious solution, but I would love some advice on how to adjust the wording to match my needs. The base text is:
"(c) Seller Note. Seller agrees to carry a promissory note in the amount of $ ____________. Accrual of interest would be permitted on the Seller Carry Note, but no payment of principal nor interest would be permitted for the first twenty-four (24) months after loan closing. The balance at that time could then be amortized up to seven (7) years or more and/or paid off by the Buyer. Repayment of Seller Carry Note is subject to permission, in writing, from the SBA lender and SBA."
I intend to adjust the timeframe dictating repayment, because the goal is to repay a chunk using the SBA loan, and then amortizing the rest for repayment within 2 years.
But, is that blank intended to be filled in with the entire sale price amount, or should it reflect only the 40% they have offered to finance?
Or does the seller financing need a completely different section to the document, or just a further definition of how the promisory note is intended to be repaid.
The Seller is also willing to finance the entire aquisition, but we both prefer not to go that route.
Any advice on how to modify this document to meet my needs is appreciated!

What a buzz when an ultra conservative R.C. football kicker tells women what they should be and do . The focus on the commencement address given is slightly amazing. What he said is exactly what the Christian church has been telling women for centuries. This is not to be confused with what Jesus exemplified with his ministry. The LCMS has benefitted from the work of women throughout it's history. Poorly paid nurses, teachers, social worksers, and women of other professions have not only staffed their institurions but also in fact kept pastoral families affloat . Due to the meager salaries of male pators and teachers, wives workerd and supported the family. In discussing with a friend the difficulties of the continuation of certain ultra consevative Jewish communities where the women support the family, and men spend much of their time studying theology, I realized this is not too differnt from the LCMS pastor's and teacher's situation. (The limited teacher salaries for female teachers in day schools was justified in that it would be supplmented by her husbands salary. Similar it was to the reasoning as to why women could not vote in the parish meetings; husbands and fathers voted for them.) The LCMS is not going to last long with current leadership bemoaning the feminsit movement and not adjusting to the 21st Century or the history of women in both Testaments. Kate Luther made it possible for Martin to survive as he neither had the capacity to manage an estate and the money needed or to take care of his activities of daily living. The LCMS needs new leadership and it needs to have equal representation of women in its decision making.

I'm currently getting my BSN, and of course they are already pushing us to get our masters early on. At my school I can submatriculate (start some of my masters courses early on) and for the long term I'm not sure if I want to be a PICU or NICU nurse. Does it make sense to get my Pediatric Acute Care NP degree with a concentration in critical care and work in a PICU, then a couple years later return to get my Neonatal NP degree if I want to work in a NICU setting instead?

Hi, I'm purchasing a local pizzeria, partially with seller financing (40%) and partially with an SBA loan (60%). The SBA loan also includes an amount equal to the seller financing, intended to cover operaing costs for startup.
And, because I anticipate many readers asking the obvious question: Yes, I will be working with a business lawyer ASAP, before we create the purchase agreement. Right now I'm working on the letter of intent because that is one of the requirements for the SBA review process, and I hope to submit it tomorrow morning.
I have an SBA template for letters of intent, and it covers alot of my needs, but I'm uncertain of how to include language to define the offered seller financing.
The SBA LOI section on the "seller note" seems like the obvious solution, but I would love some advice on how to adjust the wording to match my needs. The base text is:
"(c) Seller Note. Seller agrees to carry a promissory note in the amount of $ ____________. Accrual of interest would be permitted on the Seller Carry Note, but no payment of principal nor interest would be permitted for the first twenty-four (24) months after loan closing. The balance at that time could then be amortized up to seven (7) years or more and/or paid off by the Buyer. Repayment of Seller Carry Note is subject to permission, in writing, from the SBA lender and SBA."
I intend to adjust the timeframe dictating repayment, because the goal is to repay a chunk using the SBA loan, and then amortizing the rest for repayment within 2 years.
My questions are: is that blank intended to be filled in with the entire sale price amount, or should it reflect only the 40% they have offered to finance? (Note: The Seller is also willing to finance the entire aquisition, but we both prefer not to go that route.)
Or does the seller financing need a completely different section to the document, or just a further definition of how the promisory note is intended to be repaid?
How should I modify this document to best fit my needs?
ps: I am cross-posting this on other subreddits that are more focused on legal questions.
Text modified to clarify my questions to make this post more in line with the intended format of this subreddit

Hi. I have not written anything in a while so if this is choppy, bear with me.
I’m nonbinary (AFAB) and use any pronouns. Your age or gender or country doesn’t matter to me. I love speaking to people very different than me.
I have suffered from a lot of anxiety and avoidant behaviors most of my life, which led to me being a shut-in internet addict for years pre-COVID. In my adult life now, I find it very difficult to connect with others. But I love people, I love observing their little quirks. I love getting to know their stories, I often wonder about their inner dialogue and dreams and all the experiences they’ve had that led them to the same place and time as me.
But anyway, I’m very much a late bloomer and I’ve only been integrating back into society for about 3 years now. I’ve made lots of progress, and friends of some sort. But I feel very lonely. I mistook this for a different loneliness and threw myself into romantic relationships. I’ve realized that, the entire time I just needed friends. I just craved connection. To be seen. To see. Real connections, that are intentional.
Everyone in my social circle seems to be fixated on Twitter and the idea of “mutuals”, preoccupied with dating apps and the latest situationship. I adapted to this, but I find myself always feeling empty, and lately that doesn’t feel like enough to me.
I crave something different. I crave something sweeter, something intentional, something wholesome. I want to feel like apart of it all. I know the life I could live, I know the capacity for connection I could have, I know it’s out there.
I use to read my grandmas letters and postcards often, and I’ve always wanted to do the same. I find it so sweet that two humans in different places take the time and effort to tell each other about their lives and what they’ve seen, and send little photos. It’s beautiful.
With that being said, I’ll tell you a bit about me so maybe we can have common interests to build off of.

• I’m a self taught musician. I never performed beyond for friends and family, it’s more of a therapeutic thing for me. I have been asked to play for my best friend’s wedding though, which is very scary. I’ve played guitar for over a decade, I love trying to pick up other instruments too.
• I enjoy music a lot. I use to collect records, and would one day like to get back into it. Some of my favorite artists currently are Adrianne Lenker, Faye Webster, Indigo De Souza, Boygenius, Julia Jacklin. I love finding new music, and making playlists. I’d love to eventually burn CDs and make physical playlists for people I’m close to.
• I don’t watch a whole lot of film, but some of my favorites are After Hours, A portrait of a Lady on Fire, and I really enjoyed Love Lies Bleeding. I’m currently watching the series Normal People.
• I don’t read and haven’t in a long time, however I want to change this. I have a list of books I’d like to read.
• I work nightshift, a very repetitive and menial postal job.
• I love nature but stay inside way too often because my avoidance with being perceived by others and living in a city. When I lived in a rural town, I loved being outside. I’d really like to push myself to go to parks, hiking, lakes.
• I enjoy learning about “practical” and handy things. I use to go to welding school and enjoyed it very much. I did a construction pre-apprenticeship too. There’s a lot that I don’t know but it’s an interest of mine. I love learning about the trades and how we sustain our shelters. I love architecture and landscaping and spaces that feel beautiful to be in. I also have a special interest in learning about the construction of cob houses, and would LOVE to do a workshop one day.
• I love learning overall, about anything. But I’d really like to learn how to garden and cook. I also bake from time to time, but haven’t in a while due to housing insecurity.

Anyway, I can’t think of much else and I feel this is already a bit lengthy for an introductory post. If you feel the same, and like we may have some common interests, please reach out. Thank you :)

You can find me at me Links below!
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Welcome to the "Skotia What in the World" podcast, where the beats of hip-hop blend with the pulse of real-world events and a dash of comedy! Each episode dives into the vibrant culture of Baltimore's hip-hop scene, showcasing not just music but the stories and personalities that make it resonate. We bring you the freshest tracks, the most compelling artists, and laugh-out-loud moments, all wrapped up in the raw, unfiltered style of reality rap. Tune in to stay updated, entertained, and connected with the heartbeat of the streets. Whether you're a hip-hop head or just looking for a mix of music, mirth, and meaningful conversation, this is your spot. Join us on Skotia What in the World, where real life meets real beats!

TW for sexual, physical, medical, emotional, and religious abuse, childhood sa, suicidal ideation, and self harm
This past week has been incredibly difficult due to that holiday so I decided it would be good for me to write a letter to my nmom to keep for myself during my healing process to get everything out and it's been very cathartic. Part of my healing journey has been sharing my (extremely personal) experience with others who understand, hence why I'm sharing this here, and maybe it'll give someone some strength knowing that I made it out after all of this. I hope everyone was kind to themselves this week and was able to treat this holiday as a holiday for themselves for surviving their nmoms!
Dear mom, Happy belated Mother’s Day. My Mother’s Day was spent being upset and anxious so I decided to write this letter. This letter is so incredibly difficult to write and even more difficult to read back to myself. Moving away from university and back home during COVID was genuinely one of the most difficult things I have done in my life simply because of all of the repressed memories that flooded back into my brain every single day I was in that house. I used to resent the pandemic for forcing me to live in an environment that made me want to harm myself every single day and die every other day, but I am now thankful for the clarity that it brought me as I don’t think I’d have the foresight that I have now.
There is a lot that I want to say. I am angry, bitter, resentful, and traumatized from things that you have done to me as a child and also as an adult. I thought for a very long time that thing were normal but thank God I now know just how truly fucked up so many of my childhood experiences were. Not a single day goes by where I don’t think about the emotional, physical, and sexual abuse that I went through. I am haunted every single day by things that you did (and some things that you didn’t do) and hope that one day I will be able to heal from what I experienced.
I grew up being close to my cousin Chloe (a year younger than me) who was obviously very bitchy, mean, and abusive. This fact isn’t something you weren’t aware of as I know a fully grown adult would be able to see how she treated and talked to me when around you and come to the obvious conclusion that I should not have been allowed to be around her. She bullied me, called me names, physically assaulted me by pushing me, pulling my hair, and sitting on me with my hands held behind my back until I couldn’t breathe, forced me to bathe in scolding hot bath water that would burn my skin, making me undress and make fun of parts of my body, and forced me to watch things that she knew would scare me. This is the same time that I started having insomnia and struggled in school due to anxiety. It’s also the same time I remember my sound sensitivity starting. Do you remember my childhood friend’s mom Amelia and how protective she was over my friend, Diana? Diana met Chloe at my 9th birthday party and Diana went over to her house for a playdate and Chloe did something to her. She physically reached over and groped Diana on the privates. I knew Amelia IMMEDIATELY prevented her daughter from ever being around Chloe again. I also knew that it's possible she mentioned this to my aunt, but I'm not positive. I know that Amelia is the type of mom to prevent Diana from reading Harry Potter because she thought it was a bad influence on her due to being “demonic”, so I wouldn’t be surprised if she made you aware of what Chloe did to Diana as she knew that I spent a lot of time around her. I doubt that what Chloe did to Diana was ever kept a secret from you. Chloe also forced me to do sexual things I didn’t want to do from roughly the ages of 8-11. One time, we were in her kitchen and she pulled out a knife and said that she was going to stab me. By then, I knew she just wanted to scare me so when I had no reaction, she put the knife away. I was terrified of what would happen if I said no to her so I went along with whatever she wanted. She would go into the bathroom and tell me to follow, would lock the door, and make me take off my clothes and let her do things to me and forced me to do the same things to her. I used to think that you had NO IDEA about this until I remember you saying the words- “you were an amazing kid and never had any problems until you got a little older. I always wondered if something happened.” Who the fuck says that to their kid???? Yeah, something DID happen and it wouldn’t have happened if you protected me!!!! You fucking idiot!!!! I remember being in our new house and taking a shower with you when I was about 8 (which was VERY inappropriate and should NEVER have happened at all) and saying something that clearly made you uncomfortable. It CLEARLY indicated something was going on. I remember the exact face you made and know that any normal, healthy adult would have done something about it and made sure nothing was happening. They would have made sure I was SAFE, and talked to me about safety, but nothing was said or done. You have failed me many times, but this one is the most painful. Not only will you need to live with the fact that you knew about my abuse and did nothing, but I will have to live with the fact that my mom knew "something happened” and didn’t care about me enough to protect me. I look at my beautiful niece Hallie, and imagine not protecting her like that and want to vomit. I cannot fathom how a mother would have the thought “I wonder if something happened to my daughter to case a massive behavioral change” and NOT DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT! You didn’t talk to me, never asked me if Chloe was doing anything, or anything at all. If I even had a minor suspicion that something was happening to Hallie, I would IMMEDIATELY do something about it because THAT IS MY JOB as an adult in her life. You failed me and deserve to know that this traumatized me and gave me PTSD. I am NOT autistic, no matter how much you WANT me to be so you can go around and gain sympathy for “having an autistic daughter” rather than owning up to the fact that you caused what “went wrong” with me.
Not only did you not help prevent me from being molested by my cousin, you also added to my sexual trauma by forcing me to use the giant egg monistat insert to treat a yeast infection when I was 11. I was ELEVEN and you had a bright idea to force a HUGE foreign object into my prepubescent body even though you were fully aware I could have easily gotten a prescription for a pill to swallow from a doctor. I was scared. I had so much pain and itching and needed a mother to hug me, tell me it’s going to be okay, or at the very least, EXPLAIN what I had and how we were going to fix it. You didn’t do any of that. You told me to lay down and proceeded to try and administer medication that is NOT meant for children 12 and under due to the physical damage it could cause. I was clearly in pain and scared, but you kept trying anyways. At any point, you could have stopped and taken me to the fucking doctor, but nope. You then got frustrated that “you couldn’t get it in” and told your 11 year old daughter to shove it inside herself. Then you left the room. I hadn’t even had a period yet, let alone know where my vagina was but you sure felt the need to yet again abandon your parental responsibilities and place them onto your kid! Miraculously, I put it in and wobbled out to lay on the couch because I was in physical pain from BOTH the infection and YOU, but because a child’s body isn’t able to properly fully insert the medication used (which once again I’ll remind you is meant for girls 13 and up), it came out and got on the couch because you didn’t give me a pad. And rather than prioritize your own daughter’s health, safety, wellbeing, and comfort, you were more upset about the stain on the couch and yelled at me. I will never forget in all of the years that I am alive how ashamed and disgusted I felt standing behind you watching you furiously scrub at the stain that I caused (actually, that YOU caused since this never should have happened in the first place!) and feeling a huge flood of guilt every time I saw that couch stain. One of the best days of my life was when we got a new couch and I never had to see that stain again.
All of this caused me to develop anxiety, depression, suicidal thoughts and ideation, self harming behaviors, having out of body experiences where I dissociate, and panic attacks amongst other things. YOU caused ALL of this and you fought tooth and nail to convince me that it was MY fault for being broken. “There’s something going on with you,” and you made it your mission to never take any responsibility for any of the trauma that you caused. Not only did you ignore all signs of abuse and sexually assault me yourself, you bullied and helped a family friend Sharon bully me when I was “being mean” to (her daughter) Faith. I was treated like I was a mentally ill monster who couldn’t be trusted and always got in trouble whenever Faith shed a single tear because I was “mean to her”. Faith cried at LEAST 15x a day, and I was blamed every time she decided to say I was the reason. You allowed a monster (Sharon) to ABUSE me and had the incredibly wise idea to start passing along what shit talking you two would say about me TO ME, a 13 year old girl. I was THIRTEEN. I was A CHILD. And yet, you came crying and complaining to me about how tired you were of hearing Sharon say I was being mean to her daughter when you could have TOLD THE OTHER ADULT IN THE SITUATION TO STOP. It never was my responsibility as a child to try and make another adult stop abusing me by “behaving better.” There was nothing wrong with how I was behaving. You never once tried to help me, you always blamed anybody and everybody else for your failures. I would come and ask you for help when I was struggling and if you didn’t care, you would pawn it off to somebody else- “go talk to your older sister” “talk to your therapist about that” “I don’t know what to say except to tell you to pray about it” and when I came back saying praying didn’t magically fix my depression, you told me to pray harder. I guess you really thought it was a skill issue rather than a diagnosable health condition! No wonder I wanted to die! Hahaha! I’ll never forget the look of disgust on your face when I was sobbing hysterically and struggling to get out the words when I told you just how badly I was affected by Sharon and said how you played a role in helping her harm and abuse me. “WELL. I’m SORRY if you think I didn’t protect you enough. I know what that feels like because my parent’s took my sister’s side a few weeks ago when we were having an argument” (as FULLY GROWN 50+ YEAR OLDS arguing and bitching LIKE CHILDREN!) No, mom, it’s not the same. I was a child and not only did you not stop an abuser from harming me, you joined in. You allowed her access to me and you passed along what horrible things she said was wrong with me. “SHARON said she thinks YOU’RE BIPOLAR. Do you think you are?” “Sharon told me that you’re having AN EPISODE and are being mean to Faith! Show me your phone!” Erm? I’m thirteen? What do you expect me to do? “Well, I just don’t understand why you keep bringing this up when it happened so long ago. I just hope you can forgive her and move on.” You’re fucking disgusting. Should I go into detail about how many times I asked you to not interact with Sharon more than you needed to and you proceeded to try and force her into my life more? You KNEW how uncomfortable I was with you attending Faith’s wedding and yet, you cared more about how you looked and not only attended, but hosted both her wedding and wedding shower. I have always wondered why you never cared how I feel until I realized that you prioritize yourself and how you look to other people above anything and everyone. There is a clear pattern of behavior- - When I was 17 and you were berating me at your work for wanting to visit my friend up in Boston to see a concert together because “you just didn’t understand why I’d want to do that” and I started crying. You rolled your eyes and said “you better leave now if you don’t want my next client to see you crying because her appointment is in a few minutes.” You cared more about having your random client seeing me cry and potentially thinking you’re a bad mom than comforting me. - When I was 13 and we were saying our nightly prayer the night that I had my “therapy appointment” (aka, you and my “therapist” chastising me for writing in my diary that I was having suicidal thoughts), when you were praying you said “Dear God, please help (my name)… and… pLEASE HELP ME!!!!” Clearly, YOU were affected more than I was even though I was the one wanting to die because of you. Wow. Your life is so hard! - Telling everyone around you that I “have problems” and am “really struggling” so you can gain an ounce of sympathy. The way that your friends come up and talk to me is baffling. - Laughing about me with my friends in high school when I was out of the room- “hahaha my daughter is sooooo weird hahaha” - When I was 18 and you called my “therapist” (who did NOT get my consent before doing this and violated her ethical guidelines) after I moved out and stopped talking to you, you got her to help you write a list of “rules” to force me to stay in contact with you. They consisted of requiring me to “talk to you, dad, or my sister at least 1x/day” so you “knew that I was safe” aka, you wanted to control me even though I was an adult and not living in your house. I was perfectly safe, and yet you made me sound like I was doing drug deals in the morning, prostituting myself after lunch, and had plans to commit felonies later that night. I went to school, ate, and went back to my apartment. You had no right manipulating me into talking to you by using my therapist, dad, and sister against me. Pathetic. - Telling me to go do my runs on a strange man’s property instead of the road because it’s “safer.” Dad said that this man who I’VE NEVER MET told him that “there are bad people out there who will kidnap her and do horrible things to her, SO INSTEAD she should run on MY property!” Not sketchy or rapey at all, right? And completely dismissing me when I said that made me uncomfortable by saying “my dad knows him”? Lady, do you know any rape statistics? Clearly not, because you’d then know that only 7% of assaults are strangers while 93% are family members or acquaintances. NINETY THREE PERCENT. The amount of times that I’ve mentioned someone made me uncomfortable or had a massive affect on me as a child and you’ve replied with “Oh, well did they touch you?” People don’t have to touch me to traumatize me. You’re pathetic for thinking that.
I’m not mad at Chloe. I don’t feel any anger or ill will towards her at all. She was a child just like I was a child. She was failed more than I was failed. No child acts that way and assaults other children without learning that from somewhere. I blame her parents for what happened to her. I blame YOU for what happened to me. I vividly remember things that my aunt would say the same time this was happening about little girls and their bodies and I want to smash my head against the wall. Children are to be protected above anything and everything else, by you didn’t. Do I hate Faith and think that she’s a bad person because of what happened when we were 13? No. I fully blame you and Sharon. The amount of adults that have failed me in my life keep me up at night. I think about how different my life would be had dad been more involved and seen what was going on and taken me away from you. I am angry with him for that. I dream one day I will be able to sit down with him and tell him everything I have written about and he will hug me, support me, cry with me, and apologize for not being there more to protect me. But who knows, he might defend his child abusing, mentally ill wife and say I’m making up everything. Who knows.
Do you want to know what my sister said when I told her all of this? She apologized to me for not being 15 years older than I am so she could have raised me instead. I want you to sit here and think about how fucked up that is. My own sister wishes she could have taken me away from you so you couldn’t have abused me. I imagine the pressure she must have felt having to grow up while also raising her mother and sister and I sob for her. I’ve sobbed for me for the mental anguish and torture I experienced at your hands. I’ve even sobbed for you because I can’t imagine being even a fraction of how fucked up you are to resort to abusing and neglecting your child- a child you begged to have. A child you had trouble having and prayed for. Embarrassing.
I’m never going to have a relationship with you again. If God is willing, I will never have to interact with you ever again. Saying that phrase “if God is willing” is ironic because you forcing me to pray my problems away rather than helping me led me to not believe in him. How can I believe in something that also neglected me? I’d sit in my dark bedroom night after night praying and sobbing for him to help me. I didn’t know what was happening to me, but I felt broken and alone. I now know that I was a child praying for God to take away my PTSD, and that is not possible. My heart breaks for that child.
You’re a pathetic excuse for a mother and human being. I’m truly shocked that I survived you and your abuse. I’m surprised that I didn’t ever try to kill myself to try and get away from you because you’re a vulture that prays on innocent people. The only important people in your life are people you think will give you something or will make you look good. That’s why you refused to ever cut ties with Sharon, you knew she was sexually abused as a child and you couldn’t POSSIBLY NOT be her friend because you need her to be your “friend,” or rather, your token sexually abused as a child friend. I genuinely hope that you get better and become a normal healthy person but I won’t ever be around to see it. I hope you feel even a fraction of the pain and abandonment that I have felt my entire life. Happy Mother’s Day, but today isn’t Mother’s Day for me, it’s Daughter’s Day. Moving far away from you one month ago has truly saved my life. Instead of trying to survive, I am enjoying my life. I would have died in that house. I get to finally celebrate being away from you and celebrate myself for staying strong and fighting when I could have easily given up. You once told me “you feel like I HATE you!” to guilt me into fawning over you and telling you how much I loved you, but now you get the opposite. I DO hate you and hate how you have permanently changed me and I wish to never see you again. Instead of praying for the “God forsaken, atheist, lost, evil, liar, miserable, spiteful, hateful, disgusting, mentally ill, “autistic” daughter, pray for yourself. Pray for God’s forgiveness for emotionally, medically, physically, sexually, and religiously abusing and neglecting me. You deserve to remain in your "clueless" state of "having NO IDEA what you did wrong to make her stop talking to me!" for the rest of your life.Happy Daughter’s Day.

Hey everyone, I’m a 22 year old guy. Over the past 2 months I’ve had so many symptoms come up and I feel like I’m getting no answers. I’m tired, so emotionally exhausted. My mother had surgery to have her sigmoid removed last week and with everything going on I’m just losing hope. I need to be there for her, but I’m stuck dealing with some shit that no one else can even see. Luckily we are staying with my grandparents at the moment. My grandma is such a big help. I don’t know how I’d be at home.
I’ve started having severe anxiety so I’ve started some medication for that and a beta blocker for my physical symptoms. With all the side effects of medication, me laying in bed all day and all these symptoms, I can’t tell what’s going on :/ i need to know what’s wrong with me and I’m so scared they will never find out.
I’m scared I will go through all this testing for them to tell me it’s just anxiety or something. I’ve lived in my body for 22 years. I KNOW SOMETHING IS WRONG. Luckily I have a good doctor and a nurse that are very nice and helpful. They make the process easier but it’s still the hardest thing I’ve ever dealt with. My whole life is on pause while everyone I know is just going on with life with school and work. It’s so frustrating because I’ve always been highly motivated and organized. Now I’m barely eating and showering.
I never thought I’d be bedridden, not working and stopping school at 22 :/ I don’t mean any disrespect by this post, truly truly. I know I don’t have a diagnosis so I don’t want to come off as some asshole on the internet. Im just so tired. Went from MMA, running races, school, work to bedridden from anxiety and these mystery symptoms. I’ve never cried so much in my life as I have the last month

I 16(m) am in a relationship with my boyfriend 16(ftm) and we have been in a relationship for neigh on 6months but recently our first genuine argument arose. We've had arguments before but never about genuine issues and never had it ot coming back up over the week. Baisically it all started when I became really worried and if I'm honest slightly ashamed of the sheer amount of cigarettes and energy drinks he was consuming. Like i didnt mind him having the occasional cig and energy drink (in fact i was addicted to energydrinks and have only withdrew from smoking recently). I had been trying to tell him to cut down but he kept getting progressively worse (were talking 8 energy drinks a day and a pack of cigs some of which he picked up off of the floor). It was starting to get on my nerves and I started to feel like I was a manipulative and controlling person for trying to make him change (also i did brung up that i missed his old outfits with the intention of maybe getting him to start wearing them again or to tell me why he stopped) So yes I am conteolling but at the time i didnt realise that and I was in a horrible place mentally. Anyhow it kept escalating and eventually i brought it up to him that its sad to watch him leave our date early because he was nauseous from smoking and if he stayed outside he would smoke more and he told me hell throw them away. Ik he wouldnt, so the next morning when i went to school and saw him smoking i was overcome with rage, that he lied to me, that he wouldnt even try to get better so on and so forth. I didnt want to confront him yet so i baisically just said hello and made an excuse to leave. He knew smth was up but when he asked me i just told him i needed some time. I talked to some of our mutual friends (ones closer to me than to him to avoid any pain) and asked them what j should do they told me to either guve him an ultimatum or break up. So i told him that I cant watch him do this to himself anymore because it hurts too much and although i didnt state it directly it was implied that i would go on a break or smth if things didnt get better. He talked about how its nkt fair that he didnt get to indulge and others did, prolly shouldve been a massive red flag that I'm being manipulative and controlling but at the time it seemed like he was in denial. I replied explaining how he doesnt know were to draw the line so although most of our friends drink energy drinks none of them drink more than 4 on the regular and so. Anyway he told me he wants to get better and hes sorry i comfortably him and told him itll be ok and I'm gonna be there for him throughout it. ALSO I told him I talked to our friends abt it after it blew over and explained exactly what i said. A few dates later he got mad at me for ditching him when he was having a really bad day (i didnt know he was having a really bad day but still shitty of me) and for being a "hypocrite" for telling him it hurts too much to see h do this to himself when he doesnt tell me the same and instead comforts me and lets me indulge. I appologised and told him I'm sorry for being controlling (i had told him i have controlling tendencies in the begging of our relationship and he was ok with it and for the most part i kept it underwraps).
Since then hes gotten mad at me after i relapsed not because i relapsed but because i was a hypocrite. I dont blame him for getting mad abt yesterday, I had relapsed into 4things in 4 hours because I wanted help really badly but he was going theough a tough time and I couldnt get myself to ask him for help. And I was worried he was hung up iver his manipulative ex because he said "I want him to kick me again" and I had always felt inferior to him. I'm not gonna defend me effectively relapsing for attention but what took me off guard is that he got mad at me for, 1. Talking to our friends about our problems when he didnt mention it to anyone when we did have problems. Btw he did tell me that he didnt because he didnt want to but it was ok that i had 2. That I was a hypocrite for stopping him from being an addict but being so myself and that he was more mad at the fact that I would judge him when he does stuff but do the same myself. And this is a relatively fait point but I had known abt this and apologised, I had called him a junkie once and immediately apologised and explained that I was just worried and that I didnt mean it like that. He insisted it was ok st the time.
So yes I'm judgemental, controlling and manipulative to some degree but AITA for the points he brought up?
For the record I am in therapy and am trying to better myself and hes understanding of this and so is he, I would just like to get an outside perspective of rhis because I have 0 experience with healthy relationships and was raised in an emotionally abusive home.

I just passed 3 months last Thursday. I was reflecting about them and thought I’d post here.
Basically, this story starts in 2017 when I (at the time 315 lb 49 F) had a health challenge and changed to a low carb unprocessed (also no sugar no grains ) way of eating. I went from 315 lbs at five foot one to about 203 and then maintained that loss for about three years before the effects of plateau and regain started. Over the next 6 years I regained about thirty pounds which is a miracle considering any other time I’d lost weight, I regained it all and more in months not years.
I educated myself and realized that since only about 2% of people can maintain a weight loss of 10% of their body weight for a year because of the body defence of the higher weight. Hormones make people think they are hungry and need to eat more so they don’t starve to death even though they aren’t starving. These concepts are ones that appear in peer reviewed literature from several sources so I’m not making it up.
While I was a unicorn because I was able to maintain for several years, I believe because with the low carb unprocessed diet, I wasn’t also having high/low blood sugar - this is my theory based on a discussion with a dietician that told me a theory about some people and how they don’t have to be actually hypoglycaemic to have the effects of it ( ie. eating compulsively to bring up sugars). Still, the odds were greatly against me maintaining this loss. When I started experience difficulties in reversing little weight gains, I asked for a referral to a bariatric clinic so I could try things other than lifestyle changes.
Bariatric assessment process wasn’t good for me but in the end it was established that I’m not a good candidate for drugs, there was no point to optifast since I’d already made drastic lifestyle changes, and that my options were probably regain and surgery.
Since I had not screwed up my lifestyle changes, but was battling my body trying to get me to eat more, surgery became the obvious answer.
I was warned that I might not lose much more weight than the amount I’d regained since that amount represents almost thirty percent loss from my former top weight.
Now I’m 56 and post menopause. I was ok with this as long as I was able to maintain my loss more easily. I did not relish the idea of aging as a three hundred plus pound short woman ( getting shorter). I don’t need to be skinny either. I honestly don’t care at this point about my body size since even with my regain my mobility wasn’t hampered and my chronic health issues stayed resolved. Honestly , I haven’t even really noticed my weight loss in any meaningful way because I was already living better. I believe the meaning of health at any size means this. My body size only matters to the extent that I think it does and that includes that I don’t have to be a size zero to be healthier.
I had RNY surgery three months ago. Weight loss has been relatively slow but I’m happy to say that despite some small hitches like throwing up in the early days and low hemoglobin post surgically which has since resolved.
I was completely grossed out by protein supplements so the two weeks following surgery were tough. My surgeon encouraged me to eat according to textures ( which isn’t what the handbook says).
I had no pain after the day of surgery, or since . Things are going pretty well. I’d hoped to have more of a hormonal change to regulate appetite but despite feeling overfilled constantly, I’m losing weight, hitting protein goals with real food and the learning curve is getting less steep. My pre-surgery weight was 232 and this morning I was 194 so obviously it’s working for weight loss. I’m not under any illusion that this has been a perfect solution, but I’m happy to have my stress level lowered daily since my desire to eat is much curved and even if I want to eat, the threat of puking keeps me in line.
Weird things since:
As an Orthodox Jew who keeps kosher I’m having weird cravings for nonkosher foods which includes seafood ( which I’m allergic to!).
I hadn’t eaten sugar or artificially sweetened foods in almost 12 years and now I’m craving keto type sweets which I know affect my cravings. I’m not saying I’m indulging regularly but it’s odd to have the cravings.
Chicken strongly disagrees with me while red meats and lamb don’t.
I was mostly carnivorous prior but I often choose non-meat protein food items more now. I don’t really like beans but the other day I told my husband if he made a chickpea curry I’d eat it. BIZARRE. I am 100% getting all my protein in but beans are higher in carbs which worries me because my original health crisis seven years ago was diabetes related and I’ve been sub-clinical for 6 years. For me, I don’t actually believe in the concept of moderation so it’s disconcerting to say the least.
What’s really interesting is my general disinterest in food and eating. I know I have to eat and I know I have to prioritize protein. I have cravings regularly but ultimately I mostly eat to fill the hunger and don’t much care what as long as it fits the ‘get your protein in first’ model. In the end, since I don’t eat grains or other sweet things, this ultimately ends up looking like a diet of primarily animal protein, with vegetables and a bit of fruit thrown in. I’ve eaten a couple of keto protein bars but it’s not regularly.
For context, I used to be a serious foodie and a food professional and when I went low carb I cared much less. As long as my food was delicious and low carb and I wasn’t hungry, I didn’t care. Since surgery, some of the things i really enjoyed low carb have become sort of icky to me so I’m constantly revisiting what I like and don’t like. It’s a process 🤷🏻‍♀️.
Anyway, I have lots of homework to do ( one of the changes that happened seven years ago when my chronic health issues resolved, was my doctor suggested I go to nursing school) so I’m going to sign off but I wanted to share that though this is an imperfect process, it is one which I’m not sorry to have gone through. I sort of regret not doing it 20 years ago but on the other hand I guess I would not have been mentally ready had I done it much sooner than my health crisis, subsequent sustained weight loss and then learning how obesity actually works. On the other hand, I’m glad I was confident in my new lifestyle before I did it because i understood on a gut level what that meant.
If you read this far, thanks. Feel free to AMA.
Starting Weight 2017 was 315 Surgery weight was 232 ( Feb 2024) CW 194 GW- don’t really have one. I guess it was 203 since I was told I might not lose more than I regained.

I’m pursuing a B.S in Math. I do not have any academic research prospects, so I don’t plan on going to grad school. I plan on doing applied mathematics in industry, right now I’m most interested in mathematical modeling (nonlinear mixed effects modeling, etc).
I want to join an organization that gives workshops or applied math research opportunities for students. I managed to get a recommendation letter from one of my professors here at ASU, but because I don’t have much of an academic CV, all the programs I’ve tried applying for reject me. How am I supposed to get research experience if they all want research experience? I’m Persian as well, so I figured maybe there are organizations for Persians just as I have seen many for Hispanics, Indians, etc., but I haven’t had any luck finding any for Persians. Just my luck lol.
Does anyone have any suggestions?

I am entering college in my 40s and need to show proof of MMR and varicella immunity. I definitely was vaccinated as a baby/child for MMR, and I vividly remember having chicken pox as a child. There weren’t vaccines for that in the late 70s/early 80s but I got it the natural way. My mom is a retired nurse and definitely ensured I had them, plus it was required to enter school. I should show antibodies for all of them. I went in for a titer test at the campus med center and results came back that I DON’T have antibodies for any of them except for rubella. Is this normal? They’re supposed to last a lifetime.

I am not the OOP. The OOP is u/Hopeful_Picture586 posting in AmItheAsshole and her user account
Concluded as per OOP
2 updates - Long
Original - 1st June 2022
Update1 - 2nd June 2022
Update2 - 16th October 2022
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AITA for refusing to go to my daughter graduation ceremony
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I (40sF) have a daughter (18F) who I’ll call Belle. When she was younger, her father (broke up before she was born) was very involved in her life and she was admittedly a “dad’s girl” but this all changed when she turned 8 and he got married. He barely called and just abandoned her for his new family. This was obviously hard on her and she rebelled a lot. But she went to therapy and seemed good. Belle has not seen him since she was 12 and he speaks to her maybe 3 times a year maximum. When he calls, she believes he is now back in her life for good then he ghosts her for the remainder of the year. This being said ,Belle and I have a great relationship, we do everything together. She even refers to me as her best friend so I’d say we have a good relationship.
Recently was her graduation and I was excited. But then she came to me a week before and told me she is going to invite her dad and his son. And cos her dad doesn’t want to see me, I can’t come. Belle told me that was the only way he was gonna go. I angrily told her, I felt betrayed and wont forgive her for this. She just told me I have been there for many of her milestones and she wants her father to experience some too. Things got heated and we argued.
The night before her graduation, I pleaded with her but she ignored me when I spoke. And only said “I’m sorry but I’m not changing my mind. I left and cried until my sister offered to take me out during the graduation to take my mind of it and I agreed.
I woke up the next morning to my daughter bawling her eyes out. I looked at the time and realised the ceremony starts in 5 minutes. I asked Belle why she hasn’t left yet. Belle then tells me her father ditched her and isn’t answering anymore. I hug her and tell her to make the most of her graduation. She looked shocked and asks if I’m not going to the ceremony now her father isn’t anymore .
And how it’ll be embarrassing to be the only one there without parents. I told I’m sorry that I already had plans. She then screamed and called me a bad mom. I apologise once again and got ready to meet my sister. I chose not to go because I felt betrayed and wanted to teach her actions have consequences, even if it broke me that i didn’t go. Since Belle returned she hasn’t spoken a word to me. And she looks depressed and like she’s been crying for ages. I’m starting to regret not going.
My sister says I did the right thing, but one of the moms at my daughter school said she was depressed at graduation and now I feel bad that I ruined what was suppose to be a day to remember because I wanted to teach my daughter a lesson. So aita?
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Comments
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Mad_Cowboy_64
NTA. You gave her an important lesson about maintaining relationships with the people who are there for you and not blowing them off for the next new thing that comes along.
Agitated_Cheek4890
I fully agree. Daughter treated her horrendously. Daughter might now go NC but she would be an AH to do so given how she's treated her mother. ETA: thank you for the award
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Awkward-Wasabi-9262
And OP stop apologizing. You didn't do anything wrong. The more you apologize, the more your daughter believes that her was right in her actions. At best you can say "look, I understand you're hurt and I'm sorry you're upset but this is a consequence of your actions."
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Update - 1 day later
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I don’t think I’m a bad mom for this one thing. And I accept the judgements and read everything. To answer your question: Belle does go therapy. This isn’t the first time Belle has ditched me for her dad, she been doing it for 10 years. This is the first time I have said no to her after he father abandoned her. I have asked her therapist, if Belle is being manipulated. and she said no based on Belle and her father’s messages, and my daughter is just grasping onto a reality that isn’t there
Update: I went to my daughter and apologised for not going to her graduation. I also explained that it is not a nice feeling to be left out and I feel under appreciated. Also, that is fine to want her father there for her, but I should too. Belle told me that she’s sorry things ended this way and that she loves me(hugged me)and wants things to go back to normal. And that she acted like a bitch. I told her nevertheless I should have been there and if I could do this all over again, I would’ve gone. ( honestly I said this as I thought she now knew her dad can’t be trusted- and I felt for her).
Then I asked her if she regret uninviting me in the first place and unsurprisingly she said no. This hurt me but I figured it was because I didn’t go so it was understandable. But no, she continued saying that it was probably best I didn’t go because she would’ve been more miserable as she would have preferred her dad to be there anyway. Then I got pissed( I didn’t show it). I told her my feeling were hurt, especially since I’ve been there for her.
And she said that she’s always going to want her dad there for her big moments. I asked, even at the expense of me and knowing he most likely won’t show. And she replied “ I mean if I have to make sacrifices, I’m going to, to have my dad there. I repeated the question as she seemed to be swerving it but she just shrugged and went on her phone. I told her not to expect everyone to apologise and turn a blind eye when she doesn’t value them in the real world. And i also said, knowing how she feels, don’t expect another apology from me and this is the last time I’m doing this. She looked tear eyes but I left.
I don’t know how other parents do this. I know her father is going to keep abandoning her and honestly I’m at my limit. And If I didn’t know whether I was wrong or not before, I definitely know I was right in not going. I know I’m going to get a lot of backlash saying this but I’m bitter and angry. I understand wanting her dad there but I should be on the same level of importance as him. I’m still going to be there for her when he inevitable ditches her again but if this behaviour carries on to her next graduation or wedding day. I can’t say I’ll be that apologetic to her. I should’ve just listened to NTA.
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Comments
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Alibeee64
Can I ask why her dad didn’t want you at the ceremony? It sounds like you don’t have an issue with him, but he obviously has one with you. Perhaps your daughter needs to work to understand this, as he seems very vindictive. If she doesn’t learn to set boundaries with him, what is going to happen when he makes similar demands at other important life events like college graduation, or her wedding? Is she going to expect you to keep letting her run over you emotionally in order to accommodate her dad’s crazy demands, especially when he keeps letting her down. And is she going to spend her life chasing after men who emotionally distance themselves from her because her relationship with her father has taught her to do this?

OOP: Honestly we broke up on good terms. I haven’t spoken to him in years though. And when I have seen their messages, it’s always small talk and nothing about me. So I don’t where this came from.

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Update - 4 months later
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I’m sure no one asked for this update but here goes.
I’m going to refer to Belle's father as Frank.
For the past few months I’ve done a lot of reflection. Although, I can’t say I regret not going to B’s graduation ceremony, I do wish I handled the situation more like an adult. Growing up, I was taught never to ask questions I don’t want the answer to and that is exactly what I did with my daughter. I shouldn’t have asked if she regretted uninviting me because truthfully I didn’t want to hear the answer. And for that, i think I acted childish.
To clear up some misconception: I don’t speak to Belle’s father simply because he refuses to be cooperative. Also, when I said Belle referred to me as her “best friend”. This doesn’t mean I treat her like my equal. I do parent her, she did get grounded and got her phone taken away when she misbehaved at school etc( which is rarely). I think she calls me that because she feels comfortable to talk to me about everything.
Now to the update: There was an incident after, where Belle wanted her dad’s help her move into her college apartment before term started but he refused because he “had work”. She begged for weeks. The whole 3 hour ride to her college was her crying hysterically. My sister consoled her but if I’m being honest I was pissed. Pissed at my daughter as she refuses to go therapy anymore, but seriously pissed at my ex.
It took me ages after graduation but I finally got in contact with F’s aunt. I explained the situation and that I need to get into contact with him as he’s either ignoring or not getting my messages. He ended up sending me a very long letter. In a small nutshell, it said that my daughter has been stalking and threatening him and his family and he’s been trying to have a healthy relationship with her but she keeps being aggressive so he had to distance himself.
He acknowledges he hasn’t been the best father but he tried for the past few years and Belle is too aggressive so he had to put the safety of his family first. As for the graduation, he wrote that he definitely refused to go. And only said it was probably for the best as I probably wouldn’t feel too comfortable with him there. He said not to contact him again and that we’ve done enough damage.
He added photocopies of messages between him and Belle, where she “says” deeply troubling things, like physical threats. Personally, I thought everything he said was BS and misconstrued. I spoke to Belle and told her of her father’s accusations. She broke down in tears hysterically and admitted that she hasn’t been the nicest to Frank’s wife and child (understandably) but she never threatened and stalked them. I was trying to calm her down. I told her I believe her and suggested therapy. Then she turned on me, blaming me for the breakdown between her and her father relationship.
She swore at me and broke stuff. She told me to stop trying to villainize her father, when I’m the problem. She called me a burden and cancer and said I should’ve stayed out of her business. I was called a bad mother and told I should burn in hell. To be clear, she was never violent towards me. She packed her stuff and left, presumably back to college. Me or my family haven’t heard from her since. I called and called but only got one message from a random number telling me to leave her alone. I told her I’m always here when’s she’s ready to talk.
It’s been 2+ months since I spoke to her. I’ll never admit this to anyone but honestly I feel relieved. My self esteem plummeted and I felt dead for the longest time because of this situation. I’m going therapy and feel the tiniest bit better. I finally went on a date yesterday for the first time in a decade, without getting guilted. In hindsight, mine and B’s relationship were no where near perfect. I don’t know what more I could’ve done but I wished I did more. She’s my child and she was a victim of an overall shit situation.
Sorry for the long update.
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Comments
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maybemaybo
I'm guessing with the graduation he likely said something like "and your mom probably wouldn't be comfortable seeing me.." in an attempt to let her down politely.
And that probably led her to go "well if I uninvite my mum, problem solved!" refusing to actually see the truth, that he won't come because it doesn't fit in with their fantasy.
I would honestly reach out to F's family member and say "pass on that he should use these threats to try and get a restraining order" because now she's cut you off, who knows how much more desperate she is to get to him.
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I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP. Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments

Hello all, I have recently decided to actually get treatment for my bipolar disorder (again, after a long while of thinking I didn’t have it) and I have a med appointment scheduled for June 11th. I have had more appointments with this doctor in the past but due to my instability I either didn’t go or canceled so I’ve only met her once for an eval. At that appointment she was highly concerned about my symptoms but that was back in March. I got diagnosed when I was a teen but have been back and forth with meds and have avoided them mostly.
I have never held anything down job or school wise for more than a few rocky years. I have tried to go back to school several times and either flunked out or quit. Now that I’m in my mid 30s I am very self conscious about not having anything to show for.
I am serious about wanting to hold down a real job. My question is, has anyone here gotten on meds and started a careebecome financially stable or am I forever stuck?
I really want a degree. Neither of my parents got a degree and they never encouraged me or my sister to achieve much (I got kicked out of high school as well thanks to a manic episode) but my spouses family all have degrees and he himself has two bachelor’s, now pursuing his masters.
I have rarely felt financially stable or independent. I have always been so envious of “normal people” that go to work and make a living and stay at a job even if they hate it. My impulsivity and depression never lets me pursue something and stick with it. It took me so long to figure out that this may be because of my bipolar disorder and not due to just being a flake or as my MIL said with kind intentions “I just need to have more confidence”. Like man, I wish that’s all it was.
Sorry for rambling, thanks for reading and please tell your story about getting stable and earning a degree or getting your life together. I’m currently only taking anti depressants and have been feeling weird lately. I can’t wait to get back on a mood stabilizer. I also experience psychosis at times so any advice managing that aspect will also be greatly appreciated.

I’m considering going back go school for an accerated BSN because I’m really interested nursing, particularly working in the NICU or labor and delivery. I work in tech and make $120k/yr. Can you make more than that in nursing? I’m seeing a lot of posts saying there are no nursing jobs in the bay area. Before I invest money and time into an expensive degree, is this true? How long does it take to find a nursing job here with no experience, 6 months to a year like most jobs or longer? I can’t relocate, my husband and I already have a life and house established here.

It’s taken me some time to muster up the courage to post this. It is my sincere hope that my experience doesn’t come across as ego-driven, I’ve never believed or been told that I’m anything special but the dream included in my post may come across as such. I’ve only included it bc it ties into the other experiences, both dreaming and awake. I’d love for discussion about any other experiences with personal energy and what you’ve been shown you can do with it.
5.7 went stargazing in dark sky territory with a small group of people. At one point I felt compelled to look to a certain place in the sky. When I did, something flashed brightly at me twice- then disappeared. There was no star there before or after the flashes. I saw a few unexplainable things (at the time anyway, but I didn’t realize just how many satellites are up there now since I haven’t been true stargazing in like a decade) but that light that flashed at me gave me a kind of feeling, like it was meant for me to see, like it was saying hello. We had spent the evening pointing out everything cool we saw to each other, but when that happened I kept my mouth shut. I didn’t want to tell anyone and I’m still not sure why bc the people I was with are very open minded so I had no reason to feel like I couldn’t or shouldn’t say anything.
5.8 Short dream in which a loud, disembodied voice yelled SUNDAY at me, which woke me up. In the dream I was fitting two pieces of something back together and the voice came in right as I accomplished that task, so I thought it might be related to something clicking into place or coming together on Sunday.
5.12 (Sunday) Not really expecting anything to happen, but it’s been a curious last few days with the solar storms going on. I’m driving home from work and get this overwhelming feeling of anticipation or urgency, and that there’s something big near me, but I can’t see it. I keep myself alert and occasionally look up, but I don’t see anything. The last two times I was given this feeling and the compulsion to look up, I saw something, so I was expecting to see something again. But this time felt bigger, like huge. It’s hard to explain, but it was like an electricity in the air all around me. I stayed alert but never actually saw anything.
Once I’m on the interstate I’m suddenly hit with waves of what feels like buzzing or vibrations that move around my head and out the top, it feels like the top of my head is being forcefully pulled on. The feeling crescendos then stops, this lasts maybe 2-5 minutes. Nothing seen, nothing heard, only felt. I’ve had sensations like this before so I’m not overly concerned or questioning it, but I do note that it was stronger and lasted longer than usual. The rest of the day was uneventful.
5.14 mid-morning dream. I went to sleep last night with the thought on my mind that I would have a dream that would clear some things up for me. It wasn’t an intention, just a thought that pushed itself into my mind and stayed there. However, I barely slept bc I had taken a bad fall the previous day and messed myself up, the pain kept me up most of the night.
After taking my kids to school I decided to try and sleep again for an hour or so and go into work later in the day. That’s when I had the dream as follows:
We are in a room somewhere, it’s circular and big and has a high ceiling. There’s a small platform going along part of the wall with a metal pole barrier around it and curtains/screens lining the wall behind it. Beneath the platform there’s a giant golden ring with a golden disc inside it. It’s standing on its edge (kind of like in the movie stargate) and it needs to be opened, or activated, something like that. I’m standing in this room with my nonno (who died when I was young) he’s on the platform and positioned above the disc, there’s another man on the platform, then 3 other men and 2 women standing around the disc. My nonno and each person standing around the disc has to put their arm in a hole in the circle outlining the disc in order to get it to work. Next to each hole there is a different colored crystal inlaid into the disc itself. The man standing on the platform seems to be tasked with doing something with the screens. The groups asks him to operate as a stand-in since they don’t have enough people to operate the machine. He hesitantly agrees and they all put an arm in and try but it keeps failing and they’re starting to panic. There’s a sense of urgency about all of this.
Platform man says it’s not working bc of him, he’s not strong enough and they all know that, this isn’t his role. He points over to me and says that it has to be me, (I’ve just been standing there watching all of this happen) he tells them (in a tone like “obviously”) that I’m the most open, and I can most easily go into the mental space that’s needed to operate it.
I go and put my arm in and drop into a meditative state. It immediately starts working, I can feel energy in the top of my head, I can also see it as a green/yellow energy. The crystal next to the hole I’m using is purple. The others start cheering and talking excitedly to each other but it distracts me so I lose concentration. The power of the machine starts fluctuating in and out. The others then start to get mad and say “See we told you so! She doesn’t belong with us!” It doesn’t make me upset bc I understand that they don’t know me, don’t like me, don’t trust me. I’ve always stayed quiet and apart from everyone else. I lose even more focus and the machine almost shuts all the way down.
One man starts yelling back at them that they just don’t understand me and have never even tried. He tells them: “she only operates at 90% on this side, she doesn’t have the blessing of a full life like the rest of you, and it’s for the sole purpose of keeping one foot on the other side, for keeping that connection” and they need to remember that I was made this way for them so that they can stay connected, that they’ve always used my energy as a jump point, they just don’t want to admit it.
I don’t want to fail everyone so I get back into my zone and it starts working again. I realize that the entire machine is being powered with just myself and my nonno since everyone else was still arguing. I was number 6 in the wheel and my nonno (who remained quiet through this entire scenario) was number 7, at the top, above the other circles. I don’t remember what the result was since I woke up about right then.
The dream was obviously packed full of symbolism and made up of things I’ve seen in waking life, I’m not deluded enough to think that it actually happened. However, the thing that stood out most to me was the feeling of the energy in my head in the dream when I was powering the machine was exactly like the energy I felt while driving home this past Sunday.
Short note I made about a dream from a few months ago that ties into this one (I often have dreams where im one of three):
Again I’m shown that there are 3 of me. The one who made us has to keep me between here and there so it’s easier to get information through, so I’m not very solid.
Another recurring theme is the green/yellow energy. I’ve seen it during dreams/projections and during meditations. I’ve been told in a dream that the answer (answer to what- I don’t know) is where green and yellow meet. In one recent meditation there came a beautiful voice vocalizing a melody, and a golden yellow light went into the area around my sternum. It left and I came out of the meditation with more questions than answers lol. I was also once during a lucid dream given a Celtic shield knot type symbol that was green and yellow. I wasn’t told anything about it but it felt like I was being reassured that my children and I are protected.
If anyone has any insights or similar experiences or anything at all to add, I’d very much appreciate it!