Goodnight text to your girlfriend
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2014.11.20 00:25 JonasBrosSuck AnimalTextGifs = Cute Animals + Text + Gif
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2024.05.19 12:27 Anitaruihi19 My friend (21F) keeps on getting back with his bf (22M) despite him being a racist, cheating and backstabbing person. Idk if love can cure this thing but, what should I tell her?
Some backstory before you bomb me with let it be that's not your business, cuz I'm really worried about her and she is such a nice person.
I'm not a very friendly person. I'm cold and have a very tough time making friends. Our school organized a trip to Paris before graduation and I thought I was going to be alone, like always, and didn't mind since one gets used to it.
I was shocked when one of my classmates ( let's call her Lee to make this easier) offer me to share room with her and one of her best friends ( let's call her Nancy, she is the main character of this story).
They have always been kind to me since I arrived to school lash year. Lee even invited me to her Quinceañera and even today I can't understand why they were all so welcoming and nice to me.
We weren't the closest of friend so I was really surprised. I later discovered that Lee turned down and offer from one of her friends to be with Nancy and with me. That's another story, so I won't go into detail about that.
When you share room with someone, even if it's for a week, you get to know them a lot.
I knew she had a bf because we where all in the same class last year. What I didn't know is that they broke up.
She told us the whole story when eating at McDonald's with another friend ( let's call him Dan). He's relevant to the story since he's friends with the friends of Nancy's ex. Nancy told us they broke up in good terms. After the break up some of his ex's friends ( let's call the ex Cole since keeping up with the ex bla bla bla Is getting tedious) told Nancy about his multiple affairs. They were at least 3 in the 8 months of the relationship. One at the FIRST WEEK. Another one when he went to visit his relatives in Rumania, and another one I don't remember when.
We talked a lot that night. A few days later Dan told us some nasty things Cole said at Nancy's back. For example, quote, You changed me for that fucking nasty *beaner*.
It's important to say Dan isn't friends with Cole, so he might have said that to hurt Nancy through Dan, idk.
My sister is also friends with a friend of Cole. I listen to the audios he sent her and we can sum them up by saying that "Nancy was a slut, trying to get someone between her legs". He also told my sister that Nancy ended the relationship because, quote again "she wanted to be with other men while Cole was away, since she didn't felt loved enough". He also told my sister that he was texting a lot of guys with very friendly messages, while Cole worked his ass of to give her the best, spending many money on her, like if she was an investment or something.
Let's say that, at the very end of the relationship, a guy started texting Nancy and there was mutual interest. Though she always turned down his offers and invitations for the relationship's sake.
It's also worth mentioning that after the break up, Cole was dating again after literally a week, showing off her girlfriend specially to Nancy.
Nancy hasn't been in any dates since. She kept on talking with this guy though, but it wasjust texting, nothing more.
Now, fast forward to today, they're posting stories together holding hands and kissing ( Cole and Nancy). I haven't asked Nancy or Lee about it ñ, but it seems very, very sus to me.
I'll ask my twin, Queen of the gossip, if this is real or just bait.
I haven't talked with Nancy a lot since the trip, more than the usual hi wassup. I'm really looking forward to keep my friendship with them since they're really good people.
I really want to help her since I found what he said and what he did to her almost unforgivable for a boyfriend.
Idk of someone here has been to something similar to help me to help her. Thanks of you read through the whole post and look forward to your comments.
submitted by Anitaruihi19 to helpme [link] [comments]
I'm not a very friendly person. I'm cold and have a very tough time making friends. Our school organized a trip to Paris before graduation and I thought I was going to be alone, like always, and didn't mind since one gets used to it.
I was shocked when one of my classmates ( let's call her Lee to make this easier) offer me to share room with her and one of her best friends ( let's call her Nancy, she is the main character of this story).
They have always been kind to me since I arrived to school lash year. Lee even invited me to her Quinceañera and even today I can't understand why they were all so welcoming and nice to me.
We weren't the closest of friend so I was really surprised. I later discovered that Lee turned down and offer from one of her friends to be with Nancy and with me. That's another story, so I won't go into detail about that.
When you share room with someone, even if it's for a week, you get to know them a lot.
I knew she had a bf because we where all in the same class last year. What I didn't know is that they broke up.
She told us the whole story when eating at McDonald's with another friend ( let's call him Dan). He's relevant to the story since he's friends with the friends of Nancy's ex. Nancy told us they broke up in good terms. After the break up some of his ex's friends ( let's call the ex Cole since keeping up with the ex bla bla bla Is getting tedious) told Nancy about his multiple affairs. They were at least 3 in the 8 months of the relationship. One at the FIRST WEEK. Another one when he went to visit his relatives in Rumania, and another one I don't remember when.
We talked a lot that night. A few days later Dan told us some nasty things Cole said at Nancy's back. For example, quote, You changed me for that fucking nasty *beaner*.
It's important to say Dan isn't friends with Cole, so he might have said that to hurt Nancy through Dan, idk.
My sister is also friends with a friend of Cole. I listen to the audios he sent her and we can sum them up by saying that "Nancy was a slut, trying to get someone between her legs". He also told my sister that Nancy ended the relationship because, quote again "she wanted to be with other men while Cole was away, since she didn't felt loved enough". He also told my sister that he was texting a lot of guys with very friendly messages, while Cole worked his ass of to give her the best, spending many money on her, like if she was an investment or something.
Let's say that, at the very end of the relationship, a guy started texting Nancy and there was mutual interest. Though she always turned down his offers and invitations for the relationship's sake.
It's also worth mentioning that after the break up, Cole was dating again after literally a week, showing off her girlfriend specially to Nancy.
Nancy hasn't been in any dates since. She kept on talking with this guy though, but it wasjust texting, nothing more.
Now, fast forward to today, they're posting stories together holding hands and kissing ( Cole and Nancy). I haven't asked Nancy or Lee about it ñ, but it seems very, very sus to me.
I'll ask my twin, Queen of the gossip, if this is real or just bait.
I haven't talked with Nancy a lot since the trip, more than the usual hi wassup. I'm really looking forward to keep my friendship with them since they're really good people.
I really want to help her since I found what he said and what he did to her almost unforgivable for a boyfriend.
Idk of someone here has been to something similar to help me to help her. Thanks of you read through the whole post and look forward to your comments.
2024.05.19 12:22 Anitaruihi19 My friend (17F) went back with his racist, backstabbing and cheating ex (18M) and we don't know what to tell her. What should we do?
Some backstory before you bomb me with let it be that's not your business, cuz I'm really worried about her and she is such a nice person.
I'm not a very friendly person. I'm cold and have a very tough time making friends. Our school organized a trip to Paris before graduation and I thought I was going to be alone, like always, and didn't mind since one gets used to it.
I was shocked when one of my classmates ( let's call her Lee to make this easier) offer me to share room with her and one of her best friends ( let's call her Nancy, she is the main character of this story).
They have always been kind to me since I arrived to school lash year. Lee even invited me to her Quinceañera and even today I can't understand why they were all so welcoming and nice to me.
We weren't the closest of friend so I was really surprised. I later discovered that Lee turned down and offer from one of her friends to be with Nancy and with me. That's another story, so I won't go into detail about that.
When you share room with someone, even if it's for a week, you get to know them a lot.
I knew she had a bf because we where all in the same class last year. What I didn't know is that they broke up.
She told us the whole story when eating at McDonald's with another friend ( let's call him Dan). He's relevant to the story since he's friends with the friends of Nancy's ex. Nancy told us they broke up in good terms. After the break up some of his ex's friends ( let's call the ex Cole since keeping up with the ex bla bla bla Is getting tedious) told Nancy about his multiple affairs. They were at least 3 in the 8 months of the relationship. One at the FIRST WEEK. Another one when he went to visit his relatives in Rumania, and another one I don't remember when.
We talked a lot that night. A few days later Dan told us some nasty things Cole said at Nancy's back. For example, quote, You changed me for that fucking nasty *beaner*.
It's important to say Dan isn't friends with Cole, so he might have said that to hurt Nancy through Dan, idk.
My sister is also friends with a friend of Cole. I listen to the audios he sent her and we can sum them up by saying that "Nancy was a slut, trying to get someone between her legs". He also told my sister that Nancy ended the relationship because, quote again "she wanted to be with other men while Cole was away, since she didn't felt loved enough". He also told my sister that he was texting a lot of guys with very friendly messages, while Cole worked his ass of to give her the best, spending many money on her, like if she was an investment or something.
Let's say that, at the very end of the relationship, a guy started texting Nancy and there was mutual interest. Though she always turned down his offers and invitations for the relationship's sake.
It's also worth mentioning that after the break up, Cole was dating again after literally a week, showing off her girlfriend specially to Nancy.
Nancy hasn't been in any dates since. She kept on talking with this guy though, but it wasjust texting, nothing more.
Now, fast forward to today, they're posting stories together holding hands and kissing ( Cole and Nancy). I haven't asked Nancy or Lee about it ñ, but it seems very, very sus to me.
I'll ask my twin, Queen of the gossip, if this is real or just bait.
I haven't talked with Nancy a lot since the trip, more than the usual hi wassup. I'm really looking forward to keep my friendship with them since they're really good people.
I really want to help her since I found what he said and what he did to her almost unforgivable for a boyfriend.
Idk of someone here has been to something similar to help me to help her. Thanks of you read through the whole post and look forward to your comments.
submitted by Anitaruihi19 to teenrelationships [link] [comments]
I'm not a very friendly person. I'm cold and have a very tough time making friends. Our school organized a trip to Paris before graduation and I thought I was going to be alone, like always, and didn't mind since one gets used to it.
I was shocked when one of my classmates ( let's call her Lee to make this easier) offer me to share room with her and one of her best friends ( let's call her Nancy, she is the main character of this story).
They have always been kind to me since I arrived to school lash year. Lee even invited me to her Quinceañera and even today I can't understand why they were all so welcoming and nice to me.
We weren't the closest of friend so I was really surprised. I later discovered that Lee turned down and offer from one of her friends to be with Nancy and with me. That's another story, so I won't go into detail about that.
When you share room with someone, even if it's for a week, you get to know them a lot.
I knew she had a bf because we where all in the same class last year. What I didn't know is that they broke up.
She told us the whole story when eating at McDonald's with another friend ( let's call him Dan). He's relevant to the story since he's friends with the friends of Nancy's ex. Nancy told us they broke up in good terms. After the break up some of his ex's friends ( let's call the ex Cole since keeping up with the ex bla bla bla Is getting tedious) told Nancy about his multiple affairs. They were at least 3 in the 8 months of the relationship. One at the FIRST WEEK. Another one when he went to visit his relatives in Rumania, and another one I don't remember when.
We talked a lot that night. A few days later Dan told us some nasty things Cole said at Nancy's back. For example, quote, You changed me for that fucking nasty *beaner*.
It's important to say Dan isn't friends with Cole, so he might have said that to hurt Nancy through Dan, idk.
My sister is also friends with a friend of Cole. I listen to the audios he sent her and we can sum them up by saying that "Nancy was a slut, trying to get someone between her legs". He also told my sister that Nancy ended the relationship because, quote again "she wanted to be with other men while Cole was away, since she didn't felt loved enough". He also told my sister that he was texting a lot of guys with very friendly messages, while Cole worked his ass of to give her the best, spending many money on her, like if she was an investment or something.
Let's say that, at the very end of the relationship, a guy started texting Nancy and there was mutual interest. Though she always turned down his offers and invitations for the relationship's sake.
It's also worth mentioning that after the break up, Cole was dating again after literally a week, showing off her girlfriend specially to Nancy.
Nancy hasn't been in any dates since. She kept on talking with this guy though, but it wasjust texting, nothing more.
Now, fast forward to today, they're posting stories together holding hands and kissing ( Cole and Nancy). I haven't asked Nancy or Lee about it ñ, but it seems very, very sus to me.
I'll ask my twin, Queen of the gossip, if this is real or just bait.
I haven't talked with Nancy a lot since the trip, more than the usual hi wassup. I'm really looking forward to keep my friendship with them since they're really good people.
I really want to help her since I found what he said and what he did to her almost unforgivable for a boyfriend.
Idk of someone here has been to something similar to help me to help her. Thanks of you read through the whole post and look forward to your comments.
2024.05.19 11:32 MinuteEconomy Women would be more insecure than men if they had to deal with female orbiters.
Men usually have to deal with other guys hitting on their girlfriends/wives and if they’re insecure about it they’re told to suck it up get over it because she chose you over them which most of the time is useless and not helpful. It is even expected as a man to deal with such men on almost a daily basis so we learn to deal with it and get over it. This advice mostly comes from women and sometimes guys themselves. But I can guarantee you that if the roles were reversed women would be just as insecure and jealous as men or even more.
Most guys don’t have random women hitting on them or following them on Instagram, texting them on WhatsApp or even talking to them so it’s a foreign concept to most women since they don’t have to deal with female orbiters and can’t relate to it. And there’s an easy way to prove it, women on Reddit and in real life get angry when their boyfriends just follow attractive women on Instagram, guys aren’t even talking to them just looking and that is enough to make women insecure. Now imagine if those women who he’s following initiated a conversation with him and started complimenting him, liking his pictures, and even sending him her number, or they are hitting on him right in front of you. Women would go crazy with insecurity and jealousy.
Just as an experiment, put your phones together on a table and look at WhatsApp, Instagram, Facebook or even Tinder, open the messages and compare who’s getting more attention and conversations from the opposite gender, who’s liking who’s pictures more. You’ll notice that women’s social media is more busier than men’s. Now I ask you ladies, how would you feel if your boyfriend/husband was getting all that attention from other women?
submitted by MinuteEconomy to Kenya [link] [comments]
Most guys don’t have random women hitting on them or following them on Instagram, texting them on WhatsApp or even talking to them so it’s a foreign concept to most women since they don’t have to deal with female orbiters and can’t relate to it. And there’s an easy way to prove it, women on Reddit and in real life get angry when their boyfriends just follow attractive women on Instagram, guys aren’t even talking to them just looking and that is enough to make women insecure. Now imagine if those women who he’s following initiated a conversation with him and started complimenting him, liking his pictures, and even sending him her number, or they are hitting on him right in front of you. Women would go crazy with insecurity and jealousy.
Just as an experiment, put your phones together on a table and look at WhatsApp, Instagram, Facebook or even Tinder, open the messages and compare who’s getting more attention and conversations from the opposite gender, who’s liking who’s pictures more. You’ll notice that women’s social media is more busier than men’s. Now I ask you ladies, how would you feel if your boyfriend/husband was getting all that attention from other women?
2024.05.19 06:56 AlternatePerception_ I blocked my SP but want her back
So my ex girlfriend broke up with me. And I ended up blocking her and saying I don’t want to talk anymore. Because while I was manifesting us getting back together, she would text me afterwards and say I want to make things up and get back together and things progressed. But then she changed her mind afterwards. And it was just so frustrating and emotionally exhausting for me. I only blocked her for a day, but then unblocked her even though I know she’s not gonna reach out. But I know that me reaching out to her after that would be confusing for her, and she won’t respond. I figured after a month or two I might reach out again, but I just don’t want to find out she has me blocked or get ghosted. Is it possible for me to still manifest a relationship with her? I believe it’s possible because I did manifest our relationship and even saw movement with manifesting us getting back together. But it just didn’t go as planned since I didn’t react in the nicest way. Please share any advice or if any of you have been through something similar and still got your sp back. I would love to gain some outside perspective on this
submitted by AlternatePerception_ to manifestingSP [link] [comments]
2024.05.19 06:49 Think_Category713 Bye Bye Club Vistara - HUGE (Trump-style) devaluation of CV Status
Ok so here's the rant after a LOT of research.
Having been a loyal Vistara customer for years, the email from CV feels like a break-up text from your girlfriend who is about to get married to someone else - "main hamesha tumhari dost rahoongi" :D :D
So here's a lowdown of what's going to change. Club Vistara had already revised the tier renewal criteria in March 24 (disappointment but ok given explosion in travel), but that is nowhere near what Air India's Flying Returns asks for, or gives you back in return.
Here's for Gold Tier:
Other privileges are pretty much same - Air India gives you 20kg extra baggage allowance in the Gold Tier but if you're expected to fly 5 times a month on business trips (an era of Zoom and Teams meetings), what use is it unless you are smuggling gold.
And if you're flying enough to be in the Platinum tier (90 flights), suggest you ask your company to get a private jet, if not, they should be making you fly Indigo or Spice because of the dent you're making in their bottomline.
The sad part is that there is no full service competition or loyalty programme for Vistara or Air India to bother about (read Jet), and in a country where the food standards authority would rather change the criteria for carcinogenicity rather than enforce food quality, all you can do is grin and bear it.
Long story short, for CV members, enjoy the last few months of this courtship - travel as much as you can and enjoy the privileges!
submitted by Think_Category713 to indianawardtravel [link] [comments]
Having been a loyal Vistara customer for years, the email from CV feels like a break-up text from your girlfriend who is about to get married to someone else - "main hamesha tumhari dost rahoongi" :D :D
So here's a lowdown of what's going to change. Club Vistara had already revised the tier renewal criteria in March 24 (disappointment but ok given explosion in travel), but that is nowhere near what Air India's Flying Returns asks for, or gives you back in return.
Here's for Gold Tier:
| Club Vistara | Flying Returns | |
|---|---|---|
| Tier Points Required | 15,000 (no min flights) | 30,000 (OR 60 <- that's right 60 flights with at least 8 on AI) |
| Upgrade Vouchers | 3 | 2 (33% downside) |
| Upgrade Vouchers on Tier upgrade | 2 | NIL |
| Tier Points for Rs. 100 spend | 10 | 6 (40% downside - biggest downgrade for CV Gold!) |
| Reward/CV Points for Rs. 100 spend | 10 | 9 (10% downside) |
And if you're flying enough to be in the Platinum tier (90 flights), suggest you ask your company to get a private jet, if not, they should be making you fly Indigo or Spice because of the dent you're making in their bottomline.
The sad part is that there is no full service competition or loyalty programme for Vistara or Air India to bother about (read Jet), and in a country where the food standards authority would rather change the criteria for carcinogenicity rather than enforce food quality, all you can do is grin and bear it.
Long story short, for CV members, enjoy the last few months of this courtship - travel as much as you can and enjoy the privileges!
2024.05.19 06:25 yatoumbrella_12 I'm confused whether to move forward with my relationship due to cultural issues and my BF's financial situations
For context, me (23) and my bf(30) who are co-workers have been together for a year and a half. I'm Indian and he's Arab. We love each other very much and though our styles of expression are different we respect each other and try to communicate. We have been each other's safe spaces from the moment we became friends until now.
However, the major challenge I'm facing is that his family does not know anything about me and he still has to hide our relationship with them. They are aware he has a girlfriend but does not know anything else as they will not be happy about him marrying outside his religion and country. On the other hand my parents have already met him and he even texts my mom to wish us on special occasions/holidays.
I'm trying to be understanding of these actions of his. I get that where he is from, dating is a taboo subject. And both of us being from different religions, nationalities and our age gap does not make things easier. When we agreed to start dating we acknowledged our differences and told each other we will take things day by day. But now that we've been together for a year and a half I'm starting to want more. More of his time, more acceptance and less hiding, and promise of a future together. I'm not someone who is very keen on marriage or having kids so all I just want is assurance that we'd both fight together for our future.
A few weeks ago I had asked him if his family found about us and told him to break up what would he do and he said he doesn't know. I was extremely hurt by this answer and tried to initiate a break up by asking if he wants to stop what we have and he said he definitely does not want to. And in an attempt to stop me from feeling as terrible as I did he said he will handle it when the time comes. His words offered a very short lived comfort and I'm back to square one of thinking he will not do anything for us, especially since he has made it clear on multiple occasions that his family comes first no matter what.
To make things even worse he's currently solely financially supporting his family of 9-10 members who all live with him. This has made it difficult for us to hangout out a lot often as we once did (mind you when we started dating this was not the case). And since he's living in a crowded house I have to be careful when I call him as he might have family near him who might find out about us. The fact that we're coworkers doesn't make it easier as it's not like we can be affectionate in the office.
Due to these circumstances I now feel wedged in between wanting more of him but feeling like I am an inconvenience to his life. He assures i am not and asks me to stop overthinking thinggs but that is difficult for me. I understand that these life circumstances are harder on him than me and he is definitely suffering. But it is also my first relationship. I've reached a point where I find myself crying every other week worried about our future because I can't and don't want to let go of him. It's not easy to find people who you connect with and can be your safe space. Even if I do find the courage to break up I don't even want to think about the bout of depression and loneliness that would await.
Please advise me on my situation as I feel completely lost and stuck with these issues in my relationship
TL;DR: as my bf and I from different cultures and nationalities are almost approaching the 2 year mark I want more from him such as not hiding me from his family and his time. But due to cultural differences and his financial situation he's unable to do the same for me. Please advise
submitted by yatoumbrella_12 to relationships [link] [comments]
However, the major challenge I'm facing is that his family does not know anything about me and he still has to hide our relationship with them. They are aware he has a girlfriend but does not know anything else as they will not be happy about him marrying outside his religion and country. On the other hand my parents have already met him and he even texts my mom to wish us on special occasions/holidays.
I'm trying to be understanding of these actions of his. I get that where he is from, dating is a taboo subject. And both of us being from different religions, nationalities and our age gap does not make things easier. When we agreed to start dating we acknowledged our differences and told each other we will take things day by day. But now that we've been together for a year and a half I'm starting to want more. More of his time, more acceptance and less hiding, and promise of a future together. I'm not someone who is very keen on marriage or having kids so all I just want is assurance that we'd both fight together for our future.
A few weeks ago I had asked him if his family found about us and told him to break up what would he do and he said he doesn't know. I was extremely hurt by this answer and tried to initiate a break up by asking if he wants to stop what we have and he said he definitely does not want to. And in an attempt to stop me from feeling as terrible as I did he said he will handle it when the time comes. His words offered a very short lived comfort and I'm back to square one of thinking he will not do anything for us, especially since he has made it clear on multiple occasions that his family comes first no matter what.
To make things even worse he's currently solely financially supporting his family of 9-10 members who all live with him. This has made it difficult for us to hangout out a lot often as we once did (mind you when we started dating this was not the case). And since he's living in a crowded house I have to be careful when I call him as he might have family near him who might find out about us. The fact that we're coworkers doesn't make it easier as it's not like we can be affectionate in the office.
Due to these circumstances I now feel wedged in between wanting more of him but feeling like I am an inconvenience to his life. He assures i am not and asks me to stop overthinking thinggs but that is difficult for me. I understand that these life circumstances are harder on him than me and he is definitely suffering. But it is also my first relationship. I've reached a point where I find myself crying every other week worried about our future because I can't and don't want to let go of him. It's not easy to find people who you connect with and can be your safe space. Even if I do find the courage to break up I don't even want to think about the bout of depression and loneliness that would await.
Please advise me on my situation as I feel completely lost and stuck with these issues in my relationship
TL;DR: as my bf and I from different cultures and nationalities are almost approaching the 2 year mark I want more from him such as not hiding me from his family and his time. But due to cultural differences and his financial situation he's unable to do the same for me. Please advise
2024.05.19 06:23 epicredditdude1 Insane Theory: Everyone that night was blackout drunk
This isn't necessarily a theory I believe, I just find myself thinking about this case often, and the perplexing body of facts surrounding whatever happened that night. Given we will never know the true story - we can only base our speculations around things that have been documented in one way or another, I have a theory on why this case is so confusing: Everyone involved was blackout drunk.
Let's try to imagine this from all perspectives:
-Let's say you're Brian Albert
You're at the waterfall bar. Everyone seems to be having a good time. You're hanging out with your extended family, who are all close. It's your son's 23rd birthday and he's hanging out with his friends, several of which are family as well. Basically life is good. Then you don't remember much. Jen McCabe wakes you up the next morning telling you John is dead on your lawn. You have no idea why. You see that you apparently called Brian Higgens that night at 2:30am, AND he called you back and you picked up. You don't remember this happening. Holy shit, what the fuck happened?
-Let's say you're Jen McCabe
You're at the waterfall bar. Everyone seems to be having a good time. You're hanging out with your extended family and your neighbor and his girlfriend. Everyone is having a good time. Then you don't remember much. You wake up to a call from John's Niece, who says Karen is freaking out about John. Karen grabs the phone and is completely frantic. She keeps screaming and saying John didn't come home and they got in a fight and they had to find John. Since you blacked out, you check your phone's history to try to piece together the night. You realize you made a bunch of calls and texts, and searched how long it would take for someone to die in the cold. That's weird. You decide to delete all this information because you have no idea what happened, and perhaps just from a psychological standpoint you find it a bit concerning.
-Let's say your Karen Read
You're at the waterfall bar. Everyone seems to be having a good time. You're hanging out with your boyfriend and his friend group. Then you don't remember much. You wake up at around 4am and John isn't home. You send him some texts and calls and he doesn't respond. You vaguely remember getting into an argument with John. What if something bad happened to him? Panic starts swelling inside and you realize you need to get in touch with someone from that night. Your niece has Jen McCabe's number, so you ask your niece to call her. When Jen picks up you quickly grab the phone and say you need to find John. You're panicking. As you leave John's house in a panic, you accidentally crack your tail light. When you get to Jen's house you notice the broken tail light and start freaking out. Now it really looks like you hit John. At this point you're in a state of complete panic. You insist the group head to the Albert home, where you find John's body. You have no idea what happened, but you're worried you hit him with your car because you saw that your tail light was broken. You're devastated.
I know this sounds like a silly idea, but I think it explains why the testimony is all over the place, and why it feels like we don't really know what could have happened. I can only type so much so feel free to post your own juxtapositions of witness testimony with this theory in mind to see if we can piece it together.
submitted by epicredditdude1 to KarenReadTrial [link] [comments]
Let's try to imagine this from all perspectives:
-Let's say you're Brian Albert
You're at the waterfall bar. Everyone seems to be having a good time. You're hanging out with your extended family, who are all close. It's your son's 23rd birthday and he's hanging out with his friends, several of which are family as well. Basically life is good. Then you don't remember much. Jen McCabe wakes you up the next morning telling you John is dead on your lawn. You have no idea why. You see that you apparently called Brian Higgens that night at 2:30am, AND he called you back and you picked up. You don't remember this happening. Holy shit, what the fuck happened?
-Let's say you're Jen McCabe
You're at the waterfall bar. Everyone seems to be having a good time. You're hanging out with your extended family and your neighbor and his girlfriend. Everyone is having a good time. Then you don't remember much. You wake up to a call from John's Niece, who says Karen is freaking out about John. Karen grabs the phone and is completely frantic. She keeps screaming and saying John didn't come home and they got in a fight and they had to find John. Since you blacked out, you check your phone's history to try to piece together the night. You realize you made a bunch of calls and texts, and searched how long it would take for someone to die in the cold. That's weird. You decide to delete all this information because you have no idea what happened, and perhaps just from a psychological standpoint you find it a bit concerning.
-Let's say your Karen Read
You're at the waterfall bar. Everyone seems to be having a good time. You're hanging out with your boyfriend and his friend group. Then you don't remember much. You wake up at around 4am and John isn't home. You send him some texts and calls and he doesn't respond. You vaguely remember getting into an argument with John. What if something bad happened to him? Panic starts swelling inside and you realize you need to get in touch with someone from that night. Your niece has Jen McCabe's number, so you ask your niece to call her. When Jen picks up you quickly grab the phone and say you need to find John. You're panicking. As you leave John's house in a panic, you accidentally crack your tail light. When you get to Jen's house you notice the broken tail light and start freaking out. Now it really looks like you hit John. At this point you're in a state of complete panic. You insist the group head to the Albert home, where you find John's body. You have no idea what happened, but you're worried you hit him with your car because you saw that your tail light was broken. You're devastated.
I know this sounds like a silly idea, but I think it explains why the testimony is all over the place, and why it feels like we don't really know what could have happened. I can only type so much so feel free to post your own juxtapositions of witness testimony with this theory in mind to see if we can piece it together.
2024.05.19 06:10 Ok-Specific7061 My mom(60F) lost control and it ended up physical with me (30F). What do I do moving forward?
I have a pretty good relationship with my mom. We butt heads sometimes but she’s usually pretty reasonable. I’m living with my parents right now because I have a chronic illness and I’m working on getting on my feet and then moving out. I have a mental illness. I’m super healthy and have a bunch of healthy habits. I’m not a toxic person like the stereotype, I just struggle and I make sure to help my parents out as much as I can while I’m here. Just two months ago I was hallucinating so I’m on new medication. It’s working really well and I’m doing good. I go to my bipolar support group, I have a therapist and psychiatrist, I take medication. I’m on my shit bc I have to be. I never take my issues out on my parents.
(I know there will be people who blame me or judge me for having a mental disability so if you are going to do that, please don’t)
My mom has been sober for 30 years. Before that she was a mess, she’s told me intense stories. She’s very much involved with AA. She’s pretty high up there, she does speaker meanings in front of hundreds of people, all her friends are sober, her brother is sober, and she still goes to meetings regularly. Honestly, I am so grateful and proud of her sobriety. I know AA has helped her. I am super proud of her. She helps people. I just think she might need actual therapy instead of just AA work.
The thing is, she thinks everyone is an alcoholic. She can be very harsh sometimes. Ever since I started drinking alcohol as an adult, she has judged me. I definitely don’t have a drinking or drug problem. I drink maybe 2-3 times a month, a couple of glasses of beer or wine that’s it. I don’t even drink liquor. I’m happy with just a couple beers. I haven’t been blacked out since I was a teenager and I can’t remember the last time I had a hangover.
The thing is (which isn’t my main issue there’s more to this story) she literally judges me so hard if I ever drink or she hears about me drinking. We can be at dinner with the family, I’ll order a glass of cab to go with my pasta, and she will give me dirty looks and make comments. I’ve been dealing with this for 10 years. The one time I was hungover a long time ago I was vomiting, and she gave me so much grief and was like “wow you drank so much you are sick” and won’t leave me alone. At family functions I’ll have a beer with my cousins and she just vibes me so hard. She treats me like I have a serious drinking problem when I clearly don’t. For 10 years she gets shitty with me if she sees me even have one beer.
Well two days ago I had a great beach day. The beach was empty, my dog and I walked for miles, we ran into an old friend. It was such a good day. I deal with depression a lot so I treasure my good days. I was so sad that my day got ruined because of her.
On the way home I got a tall coors light bc it sounded nice after my beach day. I came home, super happy, talking to my parents, making jokes. I made some food, cleaned up the kitchen, did dishes and went to go to my room. we were walking to our rooms at the same time. As I began to say goodnight to my mom, she turned around, stared at the beer and me and gave me a nasty look. The thing about my mom she often lies, if she says something fucked up and I point it out she will lie . She does these lies and it’s so obvious.
After she gave me that nasty look, I calmly said “I’m 30 years old, I’m allowed to have a beer, don’t judge me”. Then she lied and said I was looking at your glasses. Gaslighting me. I told her, no you weren’t. You gave me a look because I have a beer. She denied it and I said “liar”. She lost her shit. She started saying you’re calling me a liar!!!! And started yelling at me. I stood my ground and said you were lying and I don’t appreciate being treated like that, you gave me a look about my beer. Shehe even admitted it and said that yes I saw you had a tall beer (she said tall as if that means something) and she continued to lie and said I was looking at your glasses too. I retreated to my room bc I didn’t want to have a full blown argument. She followed me.
The thing about my mom, when she is super upset she comes super close to me aggressively, like what people do when they are about to fight.
She came into my room and was yelling at me, saying over and over you called me a liar. She got in my face aggressively. I told her many times to get out of my face. It’s like she was trying to get me to fight her. She kept getting closer and closer until I was up against the wall. I was being rational and saying it’s not okay to treat me like this and she kept mocking me. Over and over, while inches from my face when she had me cornered. She wouldn’t listen and move.
We have a power imbalance in our relationship bc while I recover and get stable, they help me with gas sometimes or things like ordering contacts, or I’ll use it to pick up things for her or stuff like paying when I took her cat to the vet. I pet sit and pay for my bills. She gave me a credit card to keep with me just in case. I barely ever use it, usually just for gas id she says it’s okay. I’ve expressed my gratitude many times that they are helping me, while also sharing how embarassed and ashamed I am to lean on my parents and live at home for now. This hasn’t been how it was forever, I lived alone for 9 years in Northern CA. I just needed time to get more stable and save money, and have a place to live while I go to my appointments.
So she was hysterical freaking out, mocking me and getting aggressive. She all of a sudden yelled give me thee credit card now!! I barely ever use it, I don’t give a fuck about the card, she brought it up to throw the money thing in my face even though she knows how humbling it is for me to rely on them.
I said I’m not giving it to you until you get out of my face. She then grabbed my phone and said fine will your not getting your phone tonight. I said I don’t care about the card and you don’t get to treat me like this. She then ran to her office to cancel the card online. I followed her to get my phone back and got my wallet. She was hysterical yelling at me at her computer, and mocking every single thing I said. She twisted my words around. She also then said “Wow what’s going on with you tonight?” Alluding that I was being mentally ill or unstable, which she knew I wasn’t she just threw the good ol “wow have you taken your meds” to do a low blow about my mental illness. That in itself is so hurtful bc they know how much I’ve struggled with this. I told her I’m not giving you the card until you give me my phone. She got up and cornered me again. She got so close to me aggressively and I just kept telling her to back up. She got me against a wall again. Then she hit me multiple times, and I softly but firmly put my knee up and pushed to get her off me. I threw the card at her desk. I was saying that the card has nothing to do with this, you just brought that up to make me feel bad, you are so toxic, I did nothing wrong. She continued mocking me. I left and went into the bathroom and she finally left. I cried a lot in the shower.
I just treated her to a great Mother’s Day. We had a great time. It made me so sad and so hurtful she treated me like this. It keeps replaying in my head and I can’t believe she got so physical with me and hit me. The mocking, gaslighting, lies. Alluding that I was having an episode… that one hurt a lot. She didn’t say it genuinely she said it as an insult. All over a coors light. Her behavior was so toxic. I am hurt. I can’t believe she hit me.
I want to forgive her but I can’t bring myself to. I really don’t want to talk to her at all. She apologized over text but never in person. I’ve been avoiding her. Tonight, I was in the living room and she turned off the lights , I said don’t turn off the lights I’m in here. She coldly said “I don’t care”.
I need to wait to move out til my meds are stabilized and I saved the money. I’m a good roommate, I help them a lot. I miss living alone.
How do I move on from this? Where do I go from here? What should I say to her?
submitted by Ok-Specific7061 to Advice [link] [comments]
(I know there will be people who blame me or judge me for having a mental disability so if you are going to do that, please don’t)
My mom has been sober for 30 years. Before that she was a mess, she’s told me intense stories. She’s very much involved with AA. She’s pretty high up there, she does speaker meanings in front of hundreds of people, all her friends are sober, her brother is sober, and she still goes to meetings regularly. Honestly, I am so grateful and proud of her sobriety. I know AA has helped her. I am super proud of her. She helps people. I just think she might need actual therapy instead of just AA work.
The thing is, she thinks everyone is an alcoholic. She can be very harsh sometimes. Ever since I started drinking alcohol as an adult, she has judged me. I definitely don’t have a drinking or drug problem. I drink maybe 2-3 times a month, a couple of glasses of beer or wine that’s it. I don’t even drink liquor. I’m happy with just a couple beers. I haven’t been blacked out since I was a teenager and I can’t remember the last time I had a hangover.
The thing is (which isn’t my main issue there’s more to this story) she literally judges me so hard if I ever drink or she hears about me drinking. We can be at dinner with the family, I’ll order a glass of cab to go with my pasta, and she will give me dirty looks and make comments. I’ve been dealing with this for 10 years. The one time I was hungover a long time ago I was vomiting, and she gave me so much grief and was like “wow you drank so much you are sick” and won’t leave me alone. At family functions I’ll have a beer with my cousins and she just vibes me so hard. She treats me like I have a serious drinking problem when I clearly don’t. For 10 years she gets shitty with me if she sees me even have one beer.
Well two days ago I had a great beach day. The beach was empty, my dog and I walked for miles, we ran into an old friend. It was such a good day. I deal with depression a lot so I treasure my good days. I was so sad that my day got ruined because of her.
On the way home I got a tall coors light bc it sounded nice after my beach day. I came home, super happy, talking to my parents, making jokes. I made some food, cleaned up the kitchen, did dishes and went to go to my room. we were walking to our rooms at the same time. As I began to say goodnight to my mom, she turned around, stared at the beer and me and gave me a nasty look. The thing about my mom she often lies, if she says something fucked up and I point it out she will lie . She does these lies and it’s so obvious.
After she gave me that nasty look, I calmly said “I’m 30 years old, I’m allowed to have a beer, don’t judge me”. Then she lied and said I was looking at your glasses. Gaslighting me. I told her, no you weren’t. You gave me a look because I have a beer. She denied it and I said “liar”. She lost her shit. She started saying you’re calling me a liar!!!! And started yelling at me. I stood my ground and said you were lying and I don’t appreciate being treated like that, you gave me a look about my beer. Shehe even admitted it and said that yes I saw you had a tall beer (she said tall as if that means something) and she continued to lie and said I was looking at your glasses too. I retreated to my room bc I didn’t want to have a full blown argument. She followed me.
The thing about my mom, when she is super upset she comes super close to me aggressively, like what people do when they are about to fight.
She came into my room and was yelling at me, saying over and over you called me a liar. She got in my face aggressively. I told her many times to get out of my face. It’s like she was trying to get me to fight her. She kept getting closer and closer until I was up against the wall. I was being rational and saying it’s not okay to treat me like this and she kept mocking me. Over and over, while inches from my face when she had me cornered. She wouldn’t listen and move.
We have a power imbalance in our relationship bc while I recover and get stable, they help me with gas sometimes or things like ordering contacts, or I’ll use it to pick up things for her or stuff like paying when I took her cat to the vet. I pet sit and pay for my bills. She gave me a credit card to keep with me just in case. I barely ever use it, usually just for gas id she says it’s okay. I’ve expressed my gratitude many times that they are helping me, while also sharing how embarassed and ashamed I am to lean on my parents and live at home for now. This hasn’t been how it was forever, I lived alone for 9 years in Northern CA. I just needed time to get more stable and save money, and have a place to live while I go to my appointments.
So she was hysterical freaking out, mocking me and getting aggressive. She all of a sudden yelled give me thee credit card now!! I barely ever use it, I don’t give a fuck about the card, she brought it up to throw the money thing in my face even though she knows how humbling it is for me to rely on them.
I said I’m not giving it to you until you get out of my face. She then grabbed my phone and said fine will your not getting your phone tonight. I said I don’t care about the card and you don’t get to treat me like this. She then ran to her office to cancel the card online. I followed her to get my phone back and got my wallet. She was hysterical yelling at me at her computer, and mocking every single thing I said. She twisted my words around. She also then said “Wow what’s going on with you tonight?” Alluding that I was being mentally ill or unstable, which she knew I wasn’t she just threw the good ol “wow have you taken your meds” to do a low blow about my mental illness. That in itself is so hurtful bc they know how much I’ve struggled with this. I told her I’m not giving you the card until you give me my phone. She got up and cornered me again. She got so close to me aggressively and I just kept telling her to back up. She got me against a wall again. Then she hit me multiple times, and I softly but firmly put my knee up and pushed to get her off me. I threw the card at her desk. I was saying that the card has nothing to do with this, you just brought that up to make me feel bad, you are so toxic, I did nothing wrong. She continued mocking me. I left and went into the bathroom and she finally left. I cried a lot in the shower.
I just treated her to a great Mother’s Day. We had a great time. It made me so sad and so hurtful she treated me like this. It keeps replaying in my head and I can’t believe she got so physical with me and hit me. The mocking, gaslighting, lies. Alluding that I was having an episode… that one hurt a lot. She didn’t say it genuinely she said it as an insult. All over a coors light. Her behavior was so toxic. I am hurt. I can’t believe she hit me.
I want to forgive her but I can’t bring myself to. I really don’t want to talk to her at all. She apologized over text but never in person. I’ve been avoiding her. Tonight, I was in the living room and she turned off the lights , I said don’t turn off the lights I’m in here. She coldly said “I don’t care”.
I need to wait to move out til my meds are stabilized and I saved the money. I’m a good roommate, I help them a lot. I miss living alone.
How do I move on from this? Where do I go from here? What should I say to her?
2024.05.19 06:01 LucyAriaRose AITA for telling my Ex-Wife's Fiancee the truth about our divorce?
I am NOT the Original Poster. That is u/SparkMandrill90. He posted in AITAH
Mood Spoiler: Good ending.
Original Post: May 9, 2024
My (33M) ex-wife (30F) and I got divorced 3 years ago. In college, we worked at the same restaurant, that's where we met. We were together for 7 years, and married for a little over 3 and half. We divorced because she cheated twice.
2 years into our marriage I discover she is having an affair with a former classmate. I collect enough evidence and confront her. She confesses everything. The affair was about 2 months long. This was a really terrible time, and was really hard to work through with her. You can call me an idiot, but I am a forgiving person. I do believe in 2nd chances and that people can change. We agreed to reconcile. We did the work. We had marriage counseling. We read some of the books, she went no contact with classmate right away, open phone policy, we told our parents. She was doing the right things and our relationship was recovering.
1 year into our reconciliation, her Aunt dies. I am very busy with work and cannot attend the services as they are on Thursday and Friday, back in her hometown 5 hours away. Her parents and brother no longer live there, so she stayed with a good friend from HS. I had met this friend a few times and was comfortable with that.
On Saturday morning my wife text me that the car was loaded, and she was about to start making the drive home. About an hour after that I got a Facebook message from the friend. Who stated she wouldn't be able to live with herself if she just let this go, but informed me that my wife had gone out Friday night with some old friends from HS. The friend thought nothing of this until she discovered my wife had left her phone behind, and that she didnt come back until the following morning. I had gotten a text that Friday night from my wife that she was going to bed early since the past few days had been emotionally draining.
I confronted my wife soon as she got home. She was really hesitant to tell me anything so I lied to her and told her if we were going to work through this, I needed to know everything like the last time. That got her to confess that she had gone out, and had gone home with an old friend from high school. She said they didn't have sex but did do "stuff" that I won't go into detail about here. It didn't matter, once I got enough of the truth I left for my parents house. That week, my Dad called my landlord and paid all the termination fees and got me out of the lease. We went and got my stuff while she was at work. My parents set me up with a friend of theirs that was a divorce attorney and he cut me a deal. Took about 7 months for divorce to go final.
That was 3 years ago. I have an awesome girlfriend, and am doing well. This past weekend I got a Facebook message from a guy who is now engaged to my ex-wife. He introduced himself and said he was probably just being crazy, but he wanted to know why we had gotten divorced. He said he had broached the subject a few times, and she always "gets weird." She had told him we had divorced because we grew apart, but mostly she just deflects or is really really vague.
I told him the truth, and offered evidence if he would like. He declined, and thanked me for my time and story.
A day later I get a phone call from a local, but unknown number. I answer and it's my ex-wife. She is really upset and asking me why I am trying to ruin her future. I get her to calm down and talk. She says her fiancee has asked for some space and is staying with his parents this week. That he is saying he needs to reevaluate their relationship. She wants to know why I told him all about their past and why I'm still punishing her. She tells me she's not that person anymore, and has done all this work, and been in therapy. That she deserves another chance and I'm being petty and hateful. There were a few generic insults thrown. I got a little pissed and told her if she really changed for the better she would have been upfront with him about heour past and owned up to cheating in her prior marriage, and then gone about showing her fiancee that she was ready to be a worthy partner to him unlike she was with me. Instead she tried to lie and hide the truth, and now it's blowing up in her face again. She said a few choice words and hung up.
I haven't heard anything since. I told my girlfriend and she reassured how I handled it. But I find myself feeling guilty. I still believe in 2nd chances and that people can change. While I would have felt wrong lying to the guy, I wonder if I should have handled the whole thing differently or just not responded. If she is truly different and this is just a blip, I don't want to be the thing that prevents her from finding happiness, but also believe I'm not what's hurting her engagement. AITA?
Relevant Comments:
Commenter: The fiancé called you and asked you what happened, you are under no obligation to lie to him for her sake, as a matter of fact, anything that you told him besides the truth would be suspect as you have no idea what she told him. Don’t feel bad, she is only feeling the consequences of her actions. NTA. Kiss your wife, tell her you love her, and live a good life together
Update Post: May 12, 2024 (3 days later)
I really didn't expect to give an update because I assumed I'd never hear anything from my ex wife or her fiancee again. First Post
Last night I received a very very long text from my ex-wife. I'll summarize it below, because it was long and did have personal details.
She started off by apologizing for the way she talked to me the other day and said I didn't deserve to be insulted like that. She then went onto explain herself, and her situation.
She started by acknowledging that this whole situation wasn't my concern or business, and apologized for me being drawn into it, and said she was embarrassed that their issues were being "aired out." She said it was her fault this happened. Since she began dating her fiancee she has hidden the details of our marriage out of shame and guilt. For the most part it was never brought up until he proposed a couple months ago. That's when he first really asked and seemed to want to know. She said she wasn't ready to deal with that and kept trying to rug sweep it, but he persisted. This is when she started therapy (so apparently she's only had a few therapy sessions and all are recent). She never thought he would reach out to me.
She then stated that none of this was my fault, and apologized for blaming me. She said she should have faced this a long time ago, gotten therapy for ruining our marriage, and come to terms with her own feelings of guilt.
Then she apologized for her affairs, and way I was treated during our marriage.
The last part was just her stating that she was not expecting a response back, wishing me the best, and saying that hopefully her and her fiancee will never "bother me" again.
This morning when I got up and read this, I sent back a brief message:
"I appreciate the apologies and am glad you are working on yourself. I have moved on from what happened, and hope you can move on from this. The only bit of advice I have is I think this text needs to go to your fiancee."
She responded back just by saying "Thank you" and that he's received far more and far longer texts.
I doubt there'll ever be another update. I actually hope there isn't. I don't believe in closure, but I will say it was refreshing, to hear her apologize without an asterisk. That's what I always got before, the "I'm so sorry, I just drank too much and..." "I'm so sorry, I was just really depressed and stressed and...". Doesn't mean a whole lot really, maybe just unexpected for me, but it was nice to hear an apology that has no excuse trailing behind it. I'm going to enjoy the rest of my day now and leave all this behind me.
Wanted to address a small sets of commenters from the first post though. I had several people hung up on that my Dad paid my termination fees and got me out of my lease. He did that of his own accord, to take a lot of the stress of the separation off me. I included that to show how I had a support system that was behind me, and willing to help in any way no questions asked. It really helped me through the healing process, and I got back on my feet pretty quickly after. I'm sorry if you don't have anyone there for you when you're at your lowest, but it doesn't make you better or manlier or whatever you were going for when you made those comments. Having to face any and every challenge on your own, is really just kind of a sad existence in my opinion. I hope that changes for you and you'll find someone to be in your corner someday.
Relevant Comments:
Commenter: She seems to be taking some accountability for her actions which is a surprise if she is sincere. They almost never take any responsibility for anything.
Go on and have a wonderful life.
submitted by LucyAriaRose to BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]
Mood Spoiler: Good ending.
Original Post: May 9, 2024
My (33M) ex-wife (30F) and I got divorced 3 years ago. In college, we worked at the same restaurant, that's where we met. We were together for 7 years, and married for a little over 3 and half. We divorced because she cheated twice.
2 years into our marriage I discover she is having an affair with a former classmate. I collect enough evidence and confront her. She confesses everything. The affair was about 2 months long. This was a really terrible time, and was really hard to work through with her. You can call me an idiot, but I am a forgiving person. I do believe in 2nd chances and that people can change. We agreed to reconcile. We did the work. We had marriage counseling. We read some of the books, she went no contact with classmate right away, open phone policy, we told our parents. She was doing the right things and our relationship was recovering.
1 year into our reconciliation, her Aunt dies. I am very busy with work and cannot attend the services as they are on Thursday and Friday, back in her hometown 5 hours away. Her parents and brother no longer live there, so she stayed with a good friend from HS. I had met this friend a few times and was comfortable with that.
On Saturday morning my wife text me that the car was loaded, and she was about to start making the drive home. About an hour after that I got a Facebook message from the friend. Who stated she wouldn't be able to live with herself if she just let this go, but informed me that my wife had gone out Friday night with some old friends from HS. The friend thought nothing of this until she discovered my wife had left her phone behind, and that she didnt come back until the following morning. I had gotten a text that Friday night from my wife that she was going to bed early since the past few days had been emotionally draining.
I confronted my wife soon as she got home. She was really hesitant to tell me anything so I lied to her and told her if we were going to work through this, I needed to know everything like the last time. That got her to confess that she had gone out, and had gone home with an old friend from high school. She said they didn't have sex but did do "stuff" that I won't go into detail about here. It didn't matter, once I got enough of the truth I left for my parents house. That week, my Dad called my landlord and paid all the termination fees and got me out of the lease. We went and got my stuff while she was at work. My parents set me up with a friend of theirs that was a divorce attorney and he cut me a deal. Took about 7 months for divorce to go final.
That was 3 years ago. I have an awesome girlfriend, and am doing well. This past weekend I got a Facebook message from a guy who is now engaged to my ex-wife. He introduced himself and said he was probably just being crazy, but he wanted to know why we had gotten divorced. He said he had broached the subject a few times, and she always "gets weird." She had told him we had divorced because we grew apart, but mostly she just deflects or is really really vague.
I told him the truth, and offered evidence if he would like. He declined, and thanked me for my time and story.
A day later I get a phone call from a local, but unknown number. I answer and it's my ex-wife. She is really upset and asking me why I am trying to ruin her future. I get her to calm down and talk. She says her fiancee has asked for some space and is staying with his parents this week. That he is saying he needs to reevaluate their relationship. She wants to know why I told him all about their past and why I'm still punishing her. She tells me she's not that person anymore, and has done all this work, and been in therapy. That she deserves another chance and I'm being petty and hateful. There were a few generic insults thrown. I got a little pissed and told her if she really changed for the better she would have been upfront with him about heour past and owned up to cheating in her prior marriage, and then gone about showing her fiancee that she was ready to be a worthy partner to him unlike she was with me. Instead she tried to lie and hide the truth, and now it's blowing up in her face again. She said a few choice words and hung up.
I haven't heard anything since. I told my girlfriend and she reassured how I handled it. But I find myself feeling guilty. I still believe in 2nd chances and that people can change. While I would have felt wrong lying to the guy, I wonder if I should have handled the whole thing differently or just not responded. If she is truly different and this is just a blip, I don't want to be the thing that prevents her from finding happiness, but also believe I'm not what's hurting her engagement. AITA?
Relevant Comments:
Commenter: The fiancé called you and asked you what happened, you are under no obligation to lie to him for her sake, as a matter of fact, anything that you told him besides the truth would be suspect as you have no idea what she told him. Don’t feel bad, she is only feeling the consequences of her actions. NTA. Kiss your wife, tell her you love her, and live a good life together
OOP: Yeah, I don't know what she's told him exactly. He made it sound like she will do anything NOT to talk about it. He did say the most he's ever gotten out of her when bringing it up was "We grew apart". Which is a lie in itself.Commenter: NTAH, imagine if you had lied to the guy and said you had just grown apart. Would you want thar on your conscience? I’d have told him rather than been part of a lie that will lead to someone else getting hurt. She hasn’t changed at all.
OOP: No, you're right, I would not have lied to him. I think I was largely wondering if I should have just told him "it wasn't my place and he needs to get it from his fiancee", but after the amount of feedback, I'm feeling really good with my decision.Commenter: NTA. I’m like you. I would feel guilty because at a glance it seems like being honest about your experience caused your ex to potentially lose her relationship. However you are holding yourself accountable for someone else’s actions. Your ex cheated. Your ex withheld information from her current partner. Your ex is still avoiding accountability. You are not responsible for her actions. Anything that happens in her relationship is her problem, not yours.
OOP: Thank you for this, I got to remind myself of that. I hate causing others pain, so I'm glad to hear from someone who can relateThere is no consensus bot on AITAH, but a majority of votes are NTA
Update Post: May 12, 2024 (3 days later)
I really didn't expect to give an update because I assumed I'd never hear anything from my ex wife or her fiancee again. First Post
Last night I received a very very long text from my ex-wife. I'll summarize it below, because it was long and did have personal details.
She started off by apologizing for the way she talked to me the other day and said I didn't deserve to be insulted like that. She then went onto explain herself, and her situation.
She started by acknowledging that this whole situation wasn't my concern or business, and apologized for me being drawn into it, and said she was embarrassed that their issues were being "aired out." She said it was her fault this happened. Since she began dating her fiancee she has hidden the details of our marriage out of shame and guilt. For the most part it was never brought up until he proposed a couple months ago. That's when he first really asked and seemed to want to know. She said she wasn't ready to deal with that and kept trying to rug sweep it, but he persisted. This is when she started therapy (so apparently she's only had a few therapy sessions and all are recent). She never thought he would reach out to me.
She then stated that none of this was my fault, and apologized for blaming me. She said she should have faced this a long time ago, gotten therapy for ruining our marriage, and come to terms with her own feelings of guilt.
Then she apologized for her affairs, and way I was treated during our marriage.
The last part was just her stating that she was not expecting a response back, wishing me the best, and saying that hopefully her and her fiancee will never "bother me" again.
This morning when I got up and read this, I sent back a brief message:
"I appreciate the apologies and am glad you are working on yourself. I have moved on from what happened, and hope you can move on from this. The only bit of advice I have is I think this text needs to go to your fiancee."
She responded back just by saying "Thank you" and that he's received far more and far longer texts.
I doubt there'll ever be another update. I actually hope there isn't. I don't believe in closure, but I will say it was refreshing, to hear her apologize without an asterisk. That's what I always got before, the "I'm so sorry, I just drank too much and..." "I'm so sorry, I was just really depressed and stressed and...". Doesn't mean a whole lot really, maybe just unexpected for me, but it was nice to hear an apology that has no excuse trailing behind it. I'm going to enjoy the rest of my day now and leave all this behind me.
Wanted to address a small sets of commenters from the first post though. I had several people hung up on that my Dad paid my termination fees and got me out of my lease. He did that of his own accord, to take a lot of the stress of the separation off me. I included that to show how I had a support system that was behind me, and willing to help in any way no questions asked. It really helped me through the healing process, and I got back on my feet pretty quickly after. I'm sorry if you don't have anyone there for you when you're at your lowest, but it doesn't make you better or manlier or whatever you were going for when you made those comments. Having to face any and every challenge on your own, is really just kind of a sad existence in my opinion. I hope that changes for you and you'll find someone to be in your corner someday.
Relevant Comments:
Commenter: She seems to be taking some accountability for her actions which is a surprise if she is sincere. They almost never take any responsibility for anything.
Go on and have a wonderful life.
OOP: Yep that's what I'm going to do.Commenter: I honestly don't see why people were jumping on you for having someone in your corner to help you out, seems like a weird thing to get hung up on.
I don't have much thought on the texts she sent me, I mean this whole thing is really nothing more than a weird few days in my otherwise routine life. But I will admit, it was nice to hear her take some accountability without making an excuse right after. That had never happened before.
OOP: That's how I felt too, but there were a handful of people who were trying to imply that I was some sort of crybaby man child because my Dad took care of that for me.Commenter: What accountability exactly do you think that she is taking here? She’s basically just playing defense to try to save her current relationship. It’s easy to be honest when there’s no other choice.
OOP: Her motivations are her own.
But to address your questions on accountability. When she first got caught having an affair, and we decided to work it out. She did everything "right." She came to every counseling appointment and fully participated, she read the books we got, she gave me every password, and so on. She would apologize profusely, but every time she would also give an excuse along with it. "I am so sorry I did this to us, I don't know what I was thinking, I was just so caught up in the validation" or the attention, or I was just so depressed and he was just there, and so on. She would put her self down, beg for forgiveness, and each time there was always just a little "asterisk" added on. A little reason/excuse/deflection as to why she did it. An outside factor that pushed her into it to some degree
When she did the second time, there wasn't much discussion because I ended things and left as soon as I got enough confession out of her. But when she was bombarding me with texts, emails, snaps, you name it trying to explain and beg, and ask for one more chance and all that, she apologized a 1000 times, all 1000 times had its little "asterisk.". I was just so drunk I wasn't thinking, I really thought he just wanted to keep hanging out, we didn't have sex (whether this was true or not I really don't care) and so on.
I'm going to assume you've never dealt with a betrayal like this, and I hope you never do, but when you are a person like me, who has been betrayed, even years later, to finally get an apology that has no excuses, no asterisks attached to it, it is incredibly refreshing. I truly thought it would never happen, thought she would never be capable.
Now, it doesn't mean much, our lives haven't crossed paths in 2.5 years, and may never again. I'm not going to be reaching out and I assume neither is she, but for that to actually happen, I'll take the win today.
2024.05.19 05:56 Ok-Specific7061 My mom(60F) lost control and it ended up physical with me (30F). What do I do moving forward?
I have a pretty good relationship with my mom. We butt heads sometimes but she’s usually pretty reasonable. I’m living with my parents right now because I have a chronic illness and I’m working on getting on my feet and then moving out. I have a mental illness. I’m super healthy and have a bunch of healthy habits. I’m not a toxic person like the stereotype, I just struggle and I make sure to help my parents out as much as I can while I’m here. Just two months ago I was hallucinating so I’m on new medication. It’s working really well and I’m doing good.
(I know there will be people who blame me or judge me for having a mental disability so if you are going to do that, please don’t)
My mom has been sober for 30 years. Before that she was a mess, she’s told me intense stories. She’s very much involved with AA. She’s pretty high up there, she does speaker meanings in front of hundreds of people, all her friends are sober, her brother is sober, and she still goes to meetings regularly. Honestly, I am so grateful and proud of her sobriety. I know AA has helped her. I am super proud of her. She helps people. I just think she might need actual therapy instead of just AA work.
The thing is, she thinks everyone is an alcoholic. She can be very harsh sometimes. Ever since I started drinking alcohol as an adult, she has judged me. I definitely don’t have a drinking or drug problem. I drink maybe 2-3 times a month, a couple of glasses of beer or wine that’s it. I don’t even drink liquor. I’m happy with just a couple beers. I haven’t been blacked out since I was a teenager and I can’t remember the last time I had a hangover.
The thing is (which isn’t my main issue there’s more to this story) she literally judges me so hard if I ever drink or she hears about me drinking. We can be at dinner with the family, I’ll order a glass of cab to go with my pasta, and she will give me dirty looks and make comments. I’ve been dealing with this for 10 years. The one time I was hungover a long time ago I was vomiting, and she gave me so much grief and was like “wow you drank so much you are sick” and won’t leave me alone. At family functions I’ll have a beer with my cousins and she just vibes me so hard. She treats me like I have a serious drinking problem when I clearly don’t. For 10 years she gets shitty with me if she sees me even have one beer.
Well two days ago I had a great beach day. The beach was empty, my dog and I walked for miles, we ran into an old friend. It was such a good day. I deal with depression a lot so I treasure my good days. I was so sad that my day got ruined because of her.
On the way home I got a tall coors light bc it sounded nice after my beach day. I came home, super happy, talking to my parents, making jokes. I made some food, cleaned up the kitchen, did dishes and went to go to my room. we were walking to our rooms at the same time. As I began to say goodnight to my mom, she turned around, stared at the beer and me and gave me a nasty look. The thing about my mom she often lies, if she says something fucked up and I point it out she will lie . She does these lies and it’s so obvious.
After she gave me that nasty look, I calmly said “I’m 30 years old, I’m allowed to have a beer, don’t judge me”. Then she lied and said I was looking at your glasses. Gaslighting me. I told her, no you weren’t. You gave me a look because I have a beer. She denied it and I said “liar”. She lost her shit. She started saying you’re calling me a liar!!!! And started yelling at me. I stood my ground and said you were lying and I don’t appreciate being treated like that, you gave me a look about my beer. Shehe even admitted it and said that yes I saw you had a tall beer (she said tall as if that means something) and she continued to lie and said I was looking at your glasses too. I retreated to my room bc I didn’t want to have a full blown argument. She followed me.
The thing about my mom, when she is super upset she comes super close to me aggressively, like what people do when they are about to fight.
She came into my room and was yelling at me, saying over and over you called me a liar. She got in my face aggressively. I told her many times to get out of my face. It’s like she was trying to get me to fight her. She kept getting closer and closer until I was up against the wall. I was being rational and saying it’s not okay to treat me like this and she kept mocking me. Over and over, while inches from my face when she had me cornered. She wouldn’t listen and move.
We have a power imbalance in our relationship bc while I recover and get stable, they help me with gas sometimes or things like ordering contacts, or I’ll use it to pick up things for her or stuff like paying when I took her cat to the vet. I pet sit and pay for my bills. She gave me a credit card to keep with me just in case. I barely ever use it, usually just for gas id she says it’s okay. I’ve expressed my gratitude many times that they are helping me, while also sharing how embarassed and ashamed I am to lean on my parents and live at home for now. This hasn’t been how it was forever, I lived alone for 9 years in Northern CA. I just needed time to get more stable and save money, and have a place to live while I go to my appointments.
So she was hysterical freaking out, mocking me and getting aggressive. She all of a sudden yelled give me thee credit card now!! I barely ever use it, I don’t give a fuck about the card, she brought it up to throw the money thing in my face even though she knows how humbling it is for me to rely on them.
I said I’m not giving it to you until you get out of my face. She then grabbed my phone and said fine will your not getting your phone tonight. I said I don’t care about the card and you don’t get to treat me like this. She then ran to her office to cancel the card online. I followed her to get my phone back and got my wallet. She was hysterical yelling at me at her computer, and mocking every single thing I said. She twisted my words around. She also then said “Wow what’s going on with you tonight?” Alluding that I was being mentally ill or unstable, which she knew I wasn’t she just threw the good ol “wow have you taken your meds” to do a low blow about my mental illness. That in itself is so hurtful bc they know how much I’ve struggled with this. I told her I’m not giving you the card until you give me my phone. She got up and cornered me again. She got so close to me aggressively and I just kept telling her to back up. She got me against a wall again. Then she hit me multiple times, and I softly but firmly put my knee up and pushed to get her off me. I threw the card at her desk. I was saying that the card has nothing to do with this, you just brought that up to make me feel bad, you are so toxic, I did nothing wrong. She continued mocking me. I left and went into the bathroom and she finally left. I cried a lot in the shower.
I just treated her to a great Mother’s Day. We had a great time. It made me so sad and so hurtful she treated me like this. It keeps replaying in my head and I can’t believe she got so physical with me and hit me. The mocking, gaslighting, lies. Alluding that I was having an episode… that one hurt a lot. She didn’t say it genuinely she said it as an insult. All over a coors light. Her behavior was so toxic. I am hurt. I can’t believe she hit me.
I want to forgive her but I can’t bring myself to. I really don’t want to talk to her at all. She apologized over text but never in person. I’ve been avoiding her. Tonight, I was in the living room and she turned off the lights , I said don’t turn off the lights I’m in here. She coldly said “I don’t care”.
I need to wait to move out til my meds are stabilized and I saved the money. I’m a good roommate, I help them a lot. I miss living alone.
How do I move on from this? Where do I go from here? What should I say to her?
submitted by Ok-Specific7061 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]
(I know there will be people who blame me or judge me for having a mental disability so if you are going to do that, please don’t)
My mom has been sober for 30 years. Before that she was a mess, she’s told me intense stories. She’s very much involved with AA. She’s pretty high up there, she does speaker meanings in front of hundreds of people, all her friends are sober, her brother is sober, and she still goes to meetings regularly. Honestly, I am so grateful and proud of her sobriety. I know AA has helped her. I am super proud of her. She helps people. I just think she might need actual therapy instead of just AA work.
The thing is, she thinks everyone is an alcoholic. She can be very harsh sometimes. Ever since I started drinking alcohol as an adult, she has judged me. I definitely don’t have a drinking or drug problem. I drink maybe 2-3 times a month, a couple of glasses of beer or wine that’s it. I don’t even drink liquor. I’m happy with just a couple beers. I haven’t been blacked out since I was a teenager and I can’t remember the last time I had a hangover.
The thing is (which isn’t my main issue there’s more to this story) she literally judges me so hard if I ever drink or she hears about me drinking. We can be at dinner with the family, I’ll order a glass of cab to go with my pasta, and she will give me dirty looks and make comments. I’ve been dealing with this for 10 years. The one time I was hungover a long time ago I was vomiting, and she gave me so much grief and was like “wow you drank so much you are sick” and won’t leave me alone. At family functions I’ll have a beer with my cousins and she just vibes me so hard. She treats me like I have a serious drinking problem when I clearly don’t. For 10 years she gets shitty with me if she sees me even have one beer.
Well two days ago I had a great beach day. The beach was empty, my dog and I walked for miles, we ran into an old friend. It was such a good day. I deal with depression a lot so I treasure my good days. I was so sad that my day got ruined because of her.
On the way home I got a tall coors light bc it sounded nice after my beach day. I came home, super happy, talking to my parents, making jokes. I made some food, cleaned up the kitchen, did dishes and went to go to my room. we were walking to our rooms at the same time. As I began to say goodnight to my mom, she turned around, stared at the beer and me and gave me a nasty look. The thing about my mom she often lies, if she says something fucked up and I point it out she will lie . She does these lies and it’s so obvious.
After she gave me that nasty look, I calmly said “I’m 30 years old, I’m allowed to have a beer, don’t judge me”. Then she lied and said I was looking at your glasses. Gaslighting me. I told her, no you weren’t. You gave me a look because I have a beer. She denied it and I said “liar”. She lost her shit. She started saying you’re calling me a liar!!!! And started yelling at me. I stood my ground and said you were lying and I don’t appreciate being treated like that, you gave me a look about my beer. Shehe even admitted it and said that yes I saw you had a tall beer (she said tall as if that means something) and she continued to lie and said I was looking at your glasses too. I retreated to my room bc I didn’t want to have a full blown argument. She followed me.
The thing about my mom, when she is super upset she comes super close to me aggressively, like what people do when they are about to fight.
She came into my room and was yelling at me, saying over and over you called me a liar. She got in my face aggressively. I told her many times to get out of my face. It’s like she was trying to get me to fight her. She kept getting closer and closer until I was up against the wall. I was being rational and saying it’s not okay to treat me like this and she kept mocking me. Over and over, while inches from my face when she had me cornered. She wouldn’t listen and move.
We have a power imbalance in our relationship bc while I recover and get stable, they help me with gas sometimes or things like ordering contacts, or I’ll use it to pick up things for her or stuff like paying when I took her cat to the vet. I pet sit and pay for my bills. She gave me a credit card to keep with me just in case. I barely ever use it, usually just for gas id she says it’s okay. I’ve expressed my gratitude many times that they are helping me, while also sharing how embarassed and ashamed I am to lean on my parents and live at home for now. This hasn’t been how it was forever, I lived alone for 9 years in Northern CA. I just needed time to get more stable and save money, and have a place to live while I go to my appointments.
So she was hysterical freaking out, mocking me and getting aggressive. She all of a sudden yelled give me thee credit card now!! I barely ever use it, I don’t give a fuck about the card, she brought it up to throw the money thing in my face even though she knows how humbling it is for me to rely on them.
I said I’m not giving it to you until you get out of my face. She then grabbed my phone and said fine will your not getting your phone tonight. I said I don’t care about the card and you don’t get to treat me like this. She then ran to her office to cancel the card online. I followed her to get my phone back and got my wallet. She was hysterical yelling at me at her computer, and mocking every single thing I said. She twisted my words around. She also then said “Wow what’s going on with you tonight?” Alluding that I was being mentally ill or unstable, which she knew I wasn’t she just threw the good ol “wow have you taken your meds” to do a low blow about my mental illness. That in itself is so hurtful bc they know how much I’ve struggled with this. I told her I’m not giving you the card until you give me my phone. She got up and cornered me again. She got so close to me aggressively and I just kept telling her to back up. She got me against a wall again. Then she hit me multiple times, and I softly but firmly put my knee up and pushed to get her off me. I threw the card at her desk. I was saying that the card has nothing to do with this, you just brought that up to make me feel bad, you are so toxic, I did nothing wrong. She continued mocking me. I left and went into the bathroom and she finally left. I cried a lot in the shower.
I just treated her to a great Mother’s Day. We had a great time. It made me so sad and so hurtful she treated me like this. It keeps replaying in my head and I can’t believe she got so physical with me and hit me. The mocking, gaslighting, lies. Alluding that I was having an episode… that one hurt a lot. She didn’t say it genuinely she said it as an insult. All over a coors light. Her behavior was so toxic. I am hurt. I can’t believe she hit me.
I want to forgive her but I can’t bring myself to. I really don’t want to talk to her at all. She apologized over text but never in person. I’ve been avoiding her. Tonight, I was in the living room and she turned off the lights , I said don’t turn off the lights I’m in here. She coldly said “I don’t care”.
I need to wait to move out til my meds are stabilized and I saved the money. I’m a good roommate, I help them a lot. I miss living alone.
How do I move on from this? Where do I go from here? What should I say to her?
2024.05.19 05:07 ThrowRAMassive_Deer I (38/M) felt uneasy about (33/F) words and actions, what should I do?
My girlfriend and I of 1 year had been fighting and while she was mad at me I thought she did something that she knows I disapprove of. Drinking and driving. She left the house came back and I was on the couch and heard a bottle of wine being poured. After she left I checked the bottle and it was halfway gone. Then went to the parking garage to see if her car was still there and it was gone. Then I tracked her location on the GPS and she was at the dog park. I wanted to make sure she got home safe so I watched the dot and it was exactly as if she was driving, even stopping at intersections. It was about 8 blocks from the house. Then was the GPS showed she got back home about 2 mins shes back in the apartment. She was screaming at me for about an hour I just let her vent and she had wine all over her lips. I didnt say anything about the drinknig and driving. The next day we were back at the dog park and she said "Yesterday I walked to the dog park" I said oh you walked? Then she replied "Yea it wasn't that bad". Thats when I got quite and she could tell. I told her that I had went downstairs yesterday and her car was gone. Thats when she started to tell me that she only drove half way and walked the rest of the way. Then I told her that I saw the dot on the gps and it looked exactly like you were driving. Then she told me that on the way out of the dog park the dog got loose and was running down the street thats why it might have looked like it was moving so fast. Then she basically stuck to her story and said to give her the benefit of the doubt. She couldnt give me a clear answer on why half the bottle of wine was gone but she said she only had 1 drink before going to the park. The only thing she said she was sorry for was not being more clear about what she meant by "walked" to the park. I said I needed some time to process it and we had been talking 2x a day during the workweek just checking in. On Tuesday she told me she ran into this guy randomly in her apt complex that she has told me she finds attractive. They always seem to "bump into each other" when things between us get rocky but I dont think anything has ever happened. I didnt really think anything of it when she told me I trusted her faithfulness and dindnt really question things at all. That weekend she came over and I was on my computer and she was asking about all the people who have texted me. So then I said let me look at your texts. She said okay and I went to the deleted text messages and loe and behold she had been texting this guy too and then deleted it. She said that iphone randomly deletes her text messages. The messages weren't too bad, however on Thursday she had a text at 8pm telling him that shes coming over now. She said they just talked for a bit and then she left. But its just to many suspicious things happening and I feel like there is some lying and deception going on. She seems to have a reason for justifying all her actions and doesn't think anything she is doing is wrong, its making me feel like I'm the crazy one and I'm not sure what to do.
submitted by ThrowRAMassive_Deer to relationship_advice [link] [comments]
2024.05.19 04:37 No_Help3916 F19, M20 - what do these texts mean?
I really liked this guy who just broke up with his long term girlfriend and asked me out(we have been close for 2 years but there are periods when we don't talk for months) but i didn't wanna be some rebound and later while we are having a casual conversation he sent me these texts - he knows I really like him, I have said it explicitly
(Sidenote, he is studying in the UK while I am in India, he is rich tall and good-looking and in our dynamic i have always been the one who liked him more, and right now he is the one who wants us to be something, so these texts are much of a surprise)
Please ask any other questions necessary to analyse these texts
These are the texts he sent me:
I genuinely think that you deserve an amazing guy who wants the exact things you want, who’d love you, the way you want him too and trust me I’m no where near rn. Your care for me has made me think that what i am rn is not what I want either but I’ll heal on my pace. I do think that you’ll end up being hurt in the process of me getting better i think both us want do this with something more right, like you don’t want it this way and I’ve realised I don’t want it this way either. I also really want to love the person doing all these things for me and I think only way for me to do that is by healing myself first I think me taking time to do my part myself is necessary and then maybe I do heal but this way we won’t get hurt and possibly could actually Get what we want in future It’s just take care till I become what I wanna be and a better version of myself Till then take care have fun enjoy and I hope you get what you deserve cause you genuinely do
submitted by No_Help3916 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]
(Sidenote, he is studying in the UK while I am in India, he is rich tall and good-looking and in our dynamic i have always been the one who liked him more, and right now he is the one who wants us to be something, so these texts are much of a surprise)
Please ask any other questions necessary to analyse these texts
These are the texts he sent me:
I genuinely think that you deserve an amazing guy who wants the exact things you want, who’d love you, the way you want him too and trust me I’m no where near rn. Your care for me has made me think that what i am rn is not what I want either but I’ll heal on my pace. I do think that you’ll end up being hurt in the process of me getting better i think both us want do this with something more right, like you don’t want it this way and I’ve realised I don’t want it this way either. I also really want to love the person doing all these things for me and I think only way for me to do that is by healing myself first I think me taking time to do my part myself is necessary and then maybe I do heal but this way we won’t get hurt and possibly could actually Get what we want in future It’s just take care till I become what I wanna be and a better version of myself Till then take care have fun enjoy and I hope you get what you deserve cause you genuinely do
2024.05.19 04:12 pizzapillowfort FMH Master Doc
The moment a lot of you have been waiting for is here!
A couple of notes before you read (or after because I would just jump into the list right away too)
Mentioned on Tiktok and on the pod once
Myspace Boyfriend
Mentioned on Tiktok
Third Boyfriend
Met on eCrush.com in 2002 and this was mentioned on the Cracked Up podcast, The Dave Glaser Podcast and Tiktok
The Kiwi
Met on a 2 week Model UN type youth trip in high school when Ali was 15, never a boyfriend but she had a huge crush on him, he tried to kiss Ali and she literally ran away, didn’t talk the rest of the trip but exchanged numbers and screen names (Ali’s was FineGal13 or BeachJewel760), she made him a mixtape cd called “Ali’s really cool mix for The Kiwi” but never sent it and she still has it. In 2021, he DM’d her when she posted photos of her and her mom in France and invites her to visit him in London, she says she can’t but says they should catch up if he comes to NYC
Fourth Boyfriend
Met on OkCupid when you had to use it on the computer, this was mentioned on Tiktok
The Homecoming Date or Light Switch
First boyfriend? (she goes back and forth calling him her first bf or a situationship), a family friend, a month younger than Ali, dated in high school but went to different high schools, football player, made him ask her to her Homecoming dance over email (her words), Ali hid in the bathroom the whole Homecoming dance, 3-4 revisits of this situations as adults, saw him on Bumble a few years ago and texted him that he had a typo in his bio, “he very much wanted to be with me” and now he’s married with a kid. His mom is still “obsessed” with Ali and she listens to FMH
Random college guy
Freshman year of college, Ali doesn’t have a nickname for him/doesn’t remember his real name, met this guy through a friend, was texting him to invite him over to hot tub but her phone autocorrected to “how about some hot rubbing tonight?” but Ali didn’t noticed/didn’t correct it and he never replied, Ali had a house party and got really drunk and was all over him, he left the party early, she messaged him on MySpace 3-4 times asking why he left
The Resident
Matched on Match.com, first guy she dated in NYC after college, older than Ali, a doctor, lasted 3 months ”maybe”, he didn’t like Ali’s friends, got a card from him on her birthday and it said “Love, The Resident” and it took Ali back a little, Ali drinks black coffee because of him, he coordinated having her mom visit NYC for her birthday then he broke up with her a week later
The Ghost
Met at a bar when she was 25, turns out they matched on OkCupid and they already had a date scheduled next week, they dated for 6-8 weeks, had sleepovers, “The worst ghosting experience I’ve ever had”, he borrowed The Great Gatsby from Ali’s roommate, planned to make dinner together after a beach trip in August with her friends and never showed up, Ali is blowing up his phone and gets no reply, two weeks later she finally texts “are you alive? check yes or no” and he responds “Yes”, Ali then ask if he could return the book and gets no reply again, 5 months go by and she receives the book in the mail with the note: “Here’s the book back. Sorry. P.S. sorry about last summer. I was in a bad place. You’re a great person and your salmon is amazing”, since then she has ran into him twice on the streets and matched with him on Bumble
The Coach/Mr. Adorable
First serious boyfriend at 26/27 in 2013, matched on Match.com or met through work depending if you’re listening to the pod or reading her OG blog, clean-cut look, played volleyball, Ali invited him to a friend’s birthday party and they made out in the streets at 4am, on their second date he asked Ali if she was seeing any one and when Ali said no he ask her to be his girlfriend 3 days after their first date, dated for almost 1.5 years or almost 2 years depending on if you’re listening to the pod or the Patreon, first time saying “I love you” to a guy, “lovely guy“, never would posted Ali on his instagram until Ali said something, he “lived” with her for two weeks while he was in between apartments, tried blind folding/hair pulling during sex and she didn’t like it, by the end of their relationship Ali didn’t like sex and thought she wasn’t a very sexual person, after they broke up Ali drunk texted him at 2am and he picked her up and she spent the night and she took her things in the morning in a rolly suitcase, from her blog in 2015: “I just want to be careful I don’t end up with another Mr. Adorable situation, where I find myself dating my platonic best friend”, had drinks with him in 2016 from the blog: “Not in a romantic way (at least on my end)”, Ali still talks to him sometimes through casual instagram DMs, he’s currently (as of 2021) dating someone for 4+ years and Ali thinks they’re going to get engaged
Trouble
OG 2015 FMH blog, never mentioned on the pod, “I was immediately enamored with him”, met at a Beer Olympic party but he worked with one of Ali’s best friends (Ali was still dating The Coach at the time), lived in BK, tattoos and stubble, Ali’s best friend said he was a “fuck boy”, “he very much made me see that it was the right thing for me and The Coach to not be together”, from her blog in 2015: “he has this look in his eye like he’s constantly laughing at me – in a super sexy way”, he texted her saying he didn’t see anything romantically with her and she sent a gif of someone shrugging
Personal side note: Ali has mentioned she has cheated on someone but never disclosed who she cheated on or with. I feel like she cheated on Mr.A/The Coach with Trouble because of the timeline. Just a guess.
Waffles
Matched on Bumble, OG 2015 FMH blog, he asked Ali fuck/marry/kill breakfast foods, dated 2 months around summer time, on Fourth of July while watching fireworks he said how they had a great day and Ali replied with something along the lines with “yeah, it would be better if I could call you my boyfriend”, he said he wanted a relationship but just not with Ali and shortly afterwards they stopped seeing each other
The Buffalo
Lived in Buffalo NY, 6’5, Scorpio, met in 2015 at Adults National volleyball (Ali’s team won that year) where he was heckling her while she was playing, asks Ali’s mom for her number and Ali’s mom said “I guess you’re tall enough” and told him to ask her himself, he flew her out and she met his parents, dated over summer, exclusive but never boyfriend/girlfriend (but called him her LD boyfriend on TikTok), texted and talked on the phone a lot, Ali’s best friend’s favorite ex “they had really good banter”, in October he invited her to his cousins wedding and she invited him to her friends wedding, after Ali bought her ticket to his cousins wedding (with the promise he would buy her ticket to her friend’s wedding) he ghosted and stonewalled her, she “poured her heart out to him on voicemail” and he never replied, she asked him to pay her back for her ticket and he got mad that she “made this about money”, 2 years later he told Ali that he freaked out because he really liked her and saw a future with her but knew she would never move to Buffalo and it would “never work”, Ali said at the time she would have considered moving for him, Ali used to have him blocked on Facebook and told all her friends not to update her on info about him (unless she asked). He’s now married and goes to Disney with his wife (which Ali kind of scoffs at?), Ali said on TikTok that she dodged a bullet
Baby Bic
Met him at Adults National years ago, had a flirtationship with him in 2016 when he was 19 years old, ran into him at the Adults Nationals 2021, last texts she got from him were about getting his fake ID taken away at the bar and him visiting her in NYC but Ali didn’t want to buy him beer and drink at her apartment
The Chef
Matched on Tinder around 2016, he loved karaoke, “total shit”, asked Ali to be his girlfriend and to meet his mom after a month, off and on dating, broke up the first time because he was talking to his ex, lied and flew to Mexico to see his ex while dating Ali, that ex sent Ali a Snapchat of them in bed together on that Mexico trip, Ali broke up with him via text and called him a shitty boyfriend, he’s the reason Ali deleted her Snapchat because of drunk Snaps he would send post break up, FB messaged Ali 6 years later (while Roark was visiting/staying with Ali) and said sorry for being a shit head. Ali’s best friends hated him
The Dentist
Met on Halloween in the wild, Canadian, dated NYE 2016- May 2017 “nice guy, not my guy”, one of Ali’s best friend’s favorite ex “he adored you, “he was too sweet for me” and “he had no edge to him”, he painted Ali’s cat for her 30th birthday but she was annoyed it was just Rory and not both cats, The Chef texted Ali while on a date/sleeping at his house
ASV - Aspiring Sober Vegan
Met through a friend (her best guy friend’s college roommate) the day before she had to fly out to her dad’s memorial, a doctor, into meditation, remembered him “being cuter” when they went on a first date, felt “the spark”, had “omg this is awesome sex”, Ali described this relationship as a “slow burn” and “the most attracted she ever been to a partner” even thought she didn’t think he was that cute in the beginning, dated 2-3 months before he tried to ghost Ali but they talked and broke up, four months later they start casually dating/FWB because he’s moving but this turns into a ‘middle distance relationship’ and he moves to Philly, had a lot of communication issues but didn't have a lot of fights, wants to live in Ohio and give a % of his income to charity, Ali was close to saying ‘I love you’ but didn’t, he uninvited her to meet his extended family and they got in a fight, broke up with her a couple weeks before their 6 month anniversary at the park while on a picnic and told her that she’s still his favorite person, Ali used to think he was “the one that got away” and would frequently have dreams about him. From what Ali knows, he's sober but not vegan
The Scientist
2017 or 2018ish, from San Diego, went on one date, Ali ended up ghosting him due to the decline in her dad’s health, saw him on Hinge while she was in San Diego for 3 months in 2020, texted him and apologized for ghosting him, ended up going on 2-3 more dates, took a selfie in front of his house and sent it to him but acted like she didn’t know that was his house and made a TikTok about it, things ended up not working but she doesn’t make it clear on who ended it. She can now see she shouldn’t have been going on dates during this time when her dad was sick.
Good on Paper Divorced Dude
Met a couple of years ago (she told this story on TikTok in 2020) on Bumble
The Groomsman
Met at her friend Ashley’s wedding in Chicago Oct 2019, had a “two night stand” with him, texted/talked/FT’d for 3-4 months, divorced, never dated seriously/FWB, saw each other a couple time when he came to NYC, Ali stopped talking with him due to FMH and her trying to find a serious relationship, he starts dating someone, follows FMH on insta, slid into her DM in 2022 and then sent her soup while she was sick, turns out he’s single again, 2 months later Ali is heading to Chicago and texts him “Hello! Reminder that my arrival to your neck of the woods is imminent” and turns out he is now seeing someone and Ali doesn’t see him while in Chicago (at least she doesn’t mention it)
Unnicknamed person
He was her plus one at her best friend from college’s NYE wedding 2019/2020, met and hung out with Ali’s mom, posted photos of them together on her personal Insta story, “fully dating but weren’t official hehe” doesn’t have a nickname/never gave him a nickname? This could be The Latvian/the person she texted her friend in DC about saying “I think I’m on a date with my husband”
He was browsing Bumble while Ali was in the bathroom during their first date, he was banned from Bumble and was using his grandma phone number. Ali turned down a second date
The Duke
Early FMH, went for long periods of time in between texts, 7-8 Zoom dates while Ali was in San Diego and he was in NY, Ali said you could see three of his ex’s on his instagram page (without scrolling), they finally went on one date and it was “meh” but they did kiss on their date
The Oyster
Matched on Bumble (he had one photo and no bio) two weeks before Valentines Day, Gemini, a lawyer, part of the 13 First Dates in 30 Days series (he was #13), dated Feb 2020-Aug 2020, love bomber, felt “the spark” and became official after 3 dates, best first date ever??? at the time, said “I love you” to Ali after two weeks, “For most of my relationship with The Oyster, he didn’t live in the city he had moved to Connecticut without telling me”, would fight all the time, opposite political views, Ali felt like a “fucking summer camp director” because she planned all their dates and he would get upset if Ali didn't have a plan, sought out a therapist (Megan) because of her relationship struggles because of him, went to Mass/church, he wanted a traditional marriage/life/wife/kids (at one point had Ali thinking she wanted that), didn’t want to live in NYC, didn’t support BLM, Cindy hated him
The Pilot
Went on 3 dates, texted a lot, didn’t hear back from him in four days and when she said she was looking to date someone who showed more consistency, he replied saying he met someone the day after their last date who seems to have more free time than Ali and he wants to pursue that but would like to be friends, Ali said on TikTok that this other women “bent her schedule to his schedule” and she was unwilling to do that. Mostly talked about him on TikTok
The Analyst
Matched on Bumble two years ago and went on one date, re matched in 2021 and he stood Ali up, she send him a text “getting stood up” script and he never replied. Only mentioned him on TikTok (?)
First date on the pod? I couldn't find anything else about him
The Scuba Diver
The Music Man
One date, “he didn’t do anything wrong, he’s just not for me”, amped up small talk, complimented Ali a lot which made her feel awkward cause she wasn’t feeling it, he texted her and asked for a second date and Ali sent the no ghosting script
The Bet
Uses the phrase “ok bet”, 28 years old shoe designer, only went on one dinner date to a spot he picked, turns out its cash only and he didn’t bring cash, was not into him , not looking for the same thing
The Dinosaur
Nickname was previously The Hawaiian, first date at Dinosaur BBQ, stood in a parking spot to save for Ali, he asked for a kiss after their date and Ali declined saying maybe next time
The Rose
He sent her a rose on hinge, first date was an hour long walk in the park while drinking beer
The Comic
Matched on Hinge, older than Ali (Ali’s friends express how happy they were to hear that), had brunch on their first date (was the first part of a double header but the second guy canceled), listed as “moderate” politically on Hinge, good and easy convo, went back and forth twice over text and then never heard back from him, “technically not ghosting...”
The Camper
Met in the wild at a volleyball tournament in July, lives in Chicago, 27 years old, hung out the whole time, over heard Ali asking someone to get her a make out partner, gave Ali his number, drunkly ask him for a FT date in the future and he didn’t reply, Ali texts him again about a volleyball thing and he replied back with not a lot of enthusiasm, Ali is going to Chicago in Sept for a volleyball tournament and she’s already planning on playing 4-on-4 with her best friend vs. his roommate and maybe The Camper, he texts her saying he has to work on the date of the tournament and won’t be able to do the 4-on-4 game, “I feel like I got broken up with someone I never want to date in the first place”
Went on a dinner date, was chatting up the waitress in a kind of creepy way, was bragging about a lot of things and it turned Ali off and Ali texted him her no ghosting script
The Accountant
1st matchmaker match, 31 years old, lives in BK, his dad has also passed away, easy to talk to, on the third date she wasn’t sure if she saw a future with him and in her gut doesn’t feel like this would be a slow burn, Ali breaks things off with him, months (?) later he sent Ali a 5 min long voice memo and they said they were both down to see each other as friends. He later on dated and ghosted Erica
The Aussie
Matched on Hinge, in politics, from Australia but lived all over the place, asked Ali what she’s looking for on the first date and he said he’s “casually looking for something serious”, Ali accidentally walks up to a different person on their second date, Ali texts him saying she would love to see him before he leaves on a trip and she wasn’t happy that it took him till the next day to reply and he can’t see her before he leaves
The Goalie
Was supposed to be Ali’s 2nd match, he’s a paying client, Ali didn’t hear back from him for a while when she told him where she lived, he wrote to the matchmaker saying that she lived too far away even though it states where she lives in her matchmaker profile
The Journalist
2nd matchmaker match, ended things because she was dating/pursuing things with The Discoball and paused her matchmakers matches
The Threepeat
Matched multiple times on dating apps but this recent time with Hinge, Amazon seller, first date was a pizza lunch date (with bubbles aka champagne) and he gave her a single yellow carnation, talked a lot about her “side hustles” aka her food blog, coaching, FMH and the pod (Ali didn’t mentioned the name on FMH), had an awkward half kiss during the date and then gave her a peck when they said goodbye, he had no night stands by his bed?, spent the night but told public pod they had a movie night, different kissing styles, 6 dates, broke things off with Ali two days before her first date with The Rower WHILE Ali was on a Halloween girls trip
The Rower
Dated from Halloween 2021 till early Feb 2022, Pisces who is 6 days older than Ali, has an ex-fiancé (they dated for 8 years, engaged for two of them, she broke off the engagement with him 1.5 years ago once he started dating Ali), has a shared dog with this ex, slept together around Xmas on the fourth date and Ali got a UTI, first time having “omg this is awesome sex” since ASV, first person Ali slept next to wearing an eye mask "that's a big step for me", had him watch 90 Day Fiancé, on New Years Day told her that he sees “long term relationship potential” with her but doesn’t want to be exclusive after 5 dates, “we didn’t talk all week”, he said he wasn’t as ready as he though to date someone seriously and “I don’t know why I don’t want to be in a relationship with you” they broke up over the phone, Ali said he’s a good human and wants to date someone like him, 3.5 weeks later Ali drunk texted him at 3:00 am saying “its really hard not to talk to you” which Ali said was a lie, he replied back (few days? A week later?) while Ali was on another date and it made her cry a bit, she replied back saying “the door is closed but not locked” in regards if he wants to get back together. “Fin… for now”
Matched on Hinge but didn’t go on a first date for two week, Gemini, used to be a singer in a band, moved from DC to NYC, went on 7 dates in 2022, had a dog w/ ex and ex got full custody once he moved, met one of his friends on the second date, slept with him on the second date “morning and night”, he tried to find the podcast without knowing the name, podcasted from his house in DC, he would send Ali photos of them together “all the time”, gave a virtual presentation from his hotel room, did Molly together in DC, had him watch 90 Day Fiancé, moved to BK (didn’t see each other for 2 months pre-move), had a sex-less sleepover (a milestone for Ali), he showed up for her on her dad’s death date (something that a person she’s dating has never done), used to listen to the pod but stopped before they stopped seeing each other, ghosted her after they had a talk about moving things forward to exclusive and Ali texted him something along the lines of “your silence is the answer” when she didn’t hear back from him for a week and he ghosted her. Ali said he sucks in #77 AUA
Lisbon
The Brit
M&M
The Come Back Kid
They went on 2-3 dates in Nov 2018 and reconnected in May 2022, "felt immediately comfortable", sat next to a very drunk lady on their second 1st date and was supportive but "didn't step on Ali's toes" when the drunk lady said something offensive to Ali, couldn’t remember if they slept together or not, knows about FMH, ghosted Ali
The Trainer
The Cold Brew
The Nomad
3rd matchmaker match, reminded Ali of The Oyster, wanted kids and didn’t want to live in NYC forever, Ali was upset at first because her matchmaker was supposed to screen for that but the matchmaker DID check and it wasn’t mentioned when she was screening The Nomad, no second date because those are dealbreakers to him
The Catcher
Matched on Bumble, “good not great” after their first date, ~April 2022, talked about sports a lot on their first date
The Gentleman
4th matchmaker match, knew about Ali’s FMH socials before their date, Ali didn’t like his texting style, awkward intro on their first date “like hugging a 2 x 4”, he runs a dating event company and actually email Ali to be a guest on the pod when FMH first started, awkward goodbye, didn’t discuss the actual first date on the main pod because she doesn’t want to give him a reason to reach out again
The Tennis Pro
Ali had a good time on their date, “He is an adult, he’s mature” BUT “I don’t think he was into it”
The Padre
Matched on Bumble, 3 dates, from San Diego, “energy mismatch”, doesn’t want to know or listen to FMH, no psychical connection/kiss, only a kiss on the cheek on their last date, “I haven’t spoken to him since Friday night [a week]”, she didn’t want to do what The Threepeat did to her (break up while on vacation/traveling), she said it might be a MOO
5th matchmaker match, found him on Bumble before their in-person date, ghosted Ali AND the matchmaker???
6th matchmaker match
Last match and Ali states she will not talk about this date or anything about it
JFK Kirk?
Matched on Bumble, didn’t realize he’s located in SD, exchanged personal instagram info, not sure where things went or how things ended
Kirk #1
Met in the wild, make out a lot the night they met, “stealing kisses throughout the night”, exchanged numbers, planned a date (no specifics, just the day) but when Ali texted him day of he asked to reschedule (no specifics again), he replied back that he’s picking up a rental car, told him she’s looking for someone to respect her time and he never replied back
First date of 2023, matched on The League, first nickname was “League Kirk”, hard to talk to, felt like Ali was always reaching for the next topic, likes to travel, “there wasn’t a vibe”, MOO
The Roommate
Used to be her friend’s roommate and have met before (Ali doesn’t remember but it was the day after that exclusive convo with The Rower), “totally cute”, reunited at their mutual friend’s engagement party January 2023, made out at the bar, comes back to her place and sleeps over (no sex), Ali questions why her friends never set them up and its because he was taking a break from dating, first date they made out a lot at the bar (again), “I really felt like we were already a couple”, “It didn’t feel like a first date”, mentions her FMH content has popped up on his FYP, tried texting him after their date and he wasn’t giving effort, she’s glad she didn’t sleep with him because “one night stands aren’t my thing”, MOO
The Belgian
Matched on Bumble, accidentally had their first date during a trivia night at a bar, easy to talk to
The Viking
Ali forgot they had a first date on the day of said date
Tinder Man
Matched on Tinder (duh) on Valentine’s Day, first Tinder date in three years, good convo on first date but got a pushy vibe from him at the second bar they went to, put his hand up her sweater and was kissing her in the bar, made Ali uncomfortable and she told him that after her asked her on a second date
The Historian
Matched on Bumble, good conversation on the first date with a wide range of topics like “urban planning and its impact on feminism”, he’s in grad school
The Georgian
Matched on Hinge, he asked if she was free on Friday and she said yes but didn’t hear back from him in two days and in that time she made plans for Friday, rescheduled for a Saturday afternoon date at a dive bar, ate on her way to her date “it would be next level rude to eat on the subway”, good first date, talked about places he wants to take her to
The Publicist
Matched on Tinder, lives in BK, Jewish, one year younger then Ali, good first date, invited him to the Chaotic Singles Party that night, came over to Ali's apartment (which Ali said was messy) before and he made her favorite cocktail for her, a couple of listeners met him at the CSP, goofy and silly convo mixed with deep and serious convos, second date was at the Brooklyn Botanical Gardens and a tasting menu dinner, he made a Resy reservation and Ali got an email saying she was added to it ”fuck receiving gifts, THAT’S my love language”, he's into words like Ali, he sneezed and Ali said "God bless you" but then corrected herself and said "gesundheit" and he leaned over and kissed her and said he loves that she cares about her words, he met her friends on the third date ”It felt so easy. It felt so comfortable”, her friends took “sneaky” picture and videos of them together which Ali said she loves a sneaky pic, took all their date recap videos on his phone, cooked Ali steak on their fourth date, "it's very comfortable", had him watch 90 Day Fiancé, Ali met two of his friends and some of his teammates he plays a rec sport with, had sex the day they took a trip outside of the city, Erica met him before their trip to Greece and I said “he’s dorky in a good way”, WhatsApp video chatted while in Greece and told her “see you in two days!” at the end of their call, said she felt less anxious about him compared to other relationships while on vacation, sent him a birthday present while she was in Greece, felt an energy shift coming back from vacation and didn’t hear back from him 3 days after she came home, Ali requested a call to talk about this distances she was feeling, ”I did the 12 date rule and it didn’t work!”, she said the distance help her see that they’re not compatible, went on a total of 9 dates. Ali talks about the “break up” on episode 123
Mr. Chaotic
Matched on Tinder but he saw Ali at the Chaotic Singles Party and Cassidy the host is there mutual friend, went to a brewery and played games on their first date (Ali said this was her favorite first dates in episode 147 where they recapped 2023), works in entertainment industry, very high energy, knows about FMH and he said she's entertaining to watch, splits his time between NYC and some unknown city, texted while she was in Greece, ”The man gives good texts”
Random Matchmaker Match
Withdrew his match to Ali because he found her FMH socials. Talked about on #71 AUA
Gone with the Wind
Matchmaker match, said some gross things about women in volleyball outfits on their first date, Ali told her matchmaker about this, ”I would describe him as misogynistic overall”, Ali was glad he did say those weird things so early on so she didn’t waste her time, the matchmaker flagged his account. This was around June 2023
The Rock
Ali knows him from an activity that they used to be involved with in the city (she's very vague about what this is) from 8 years ago, he had a very serious/long term GF when they met, follows her personal Insta, has never talked about him because he’s never been a “prospect”, summer 2023 they met up to catch up and found out that he’s now recently single but he’s moving out of NYC for work, Ali texts Cindy saying she thinks this is a date, Cindy said to tell him that you really want to kiss him, he ends up telling Ali “I really want to kiss you”, made out at the bar, Ali invited him back to her apartment and they had sex the night before Ali ended things with The Publicist, “one night stand vibes” but she said she was down to do it again, Patreon only and talked about on #75 AUA
The Tourist
Matched on Hinge, just moved to Brooklynn, went to a brewery in BK for their first date, Ali showed up to the date dripping in sweat, allergic to cats, he sent Ali a ‘no ghosting’ text the next morning
The Stout
Matched on Bumble, ”we had really great banter right away”, laughed the whole time on their first date, talked about going on a second date during their first date
Speed Racer
Matched on Bumble, drinks first date, axe throwing second date, made out after their second date, MOO, randomly texted Ali ~6 months later because he said one of Ali’s date recap videos about him popped up on his FYP (Ali and Erica think this is a lie), he thought Ali wasn’t into him, he claims he was doing all the work with texting even though there was only a few messages since they exchanged numbers after their second date
Billy Joel
Recently sober, Ali said she felt like they had several inside jokes before they met in person, ate pizza on her way to their first date, second date was getting coffee and going to the museum, they cooked dinner together for their third date at Ali’s apartment and they watched 90 Day Fiancé (he didn’t like it), he Googled how to clean a red wine stain when it spilled on her countertop, he asked if she wanted to have sex and she turned it down, the next day/the day before a 7am flight Ali booty called him and they had sex, she was drunk and said the sex wasn’t good/they stopped mid way, helped Ali pack for her flight, Ali said he’s at a crossroad and he doesn’t seem like a long term fit, Erica found a condom on the ground while cat sitting, Ali said she didn’t regret hooking up with him but wishes she hadn’t done it, MOO
Sales Cycle
30 seconds in and Ali said he was very boring, only really talked about his job, stared at Ali’s boobs, “might be a MOO”, texted her ‘merry christmas’
Matched on The League, 34 years old, requested a nickname change from Pie Guy to Dr. Laundry, he had to cancel their second date because he got hit by a car, went on two dates, Ali sent him a pic of his subway stop saying something along the lines of “the stop isn’t looking as cute today” and turns out someone he dated with in that photo, were supposed to go on a third date the night she got back from a bachelorette party but he didn't answer her text when she said she landed, the next day he asked her how her trip was not acknowledging her previous text at all, Ali expressed her disappointment and he replied that he was tired last night, she said she would've been understanding if he said something then ghosted her
Andddd I stopped listening to the podcast around the Dr. Pie Laundry Guy but have stayed up to date with everything via this sub.
I have a huge interest in dating culture, human behavior and data similar to Ali and this little project of mine was really interesting once I got the framework of this list. I started this list once I found this sub in December 2023 and started re listening to the Patreon while working out (and lost 10 lbs ayeee) and writing down information in my notes app. I did my best to keep this list unbiased and just give facts and information that was said.
My own thoughts after making this list is that I'm very sad for Ali. I didn't realize the extent of her dating history. I think about my own dating history or even my friends who are in their 30's and dating and Ali's dating lore runs so deep. Is Ali unlucky with love? Did she pass on someone that could have been great for her? How has she had so many dates with little success in a long term partner or even going beyond 6-8 dates? Or is Skyline the person she has been waiting for? What's the pattern with all this dates/men? So many questions.
I truly do hope Ali finds her guy because I believe theres someone for everyone. Until then, I'll be hopping into this sub (cause y'all are too funny and give the best advice) and waiting for Ali to find Mr. Height.
Enjoy and I look forward to everyone thoughts! I'll keep my eye out for any edits that need to be made.
Bonus quotes:
“Longest relationship was a little under a year and a half. Haven’t made it past 6 months with anyone else” - AUA #7 11/27/21
“I spent the first 10+ years of my dating life being sort of perennially single” -1. The Actual First One episode 2/21/21
"I think my parent's story is the reason why I think that I can romantically get back together with an ex and it'll work out" -The Dave Glaser Podcast 4/5/21
“Almost every relationship I’ve ever been in, with a couple of exceptions, started as a situationship.” -21. The Undefined One 7/11/21
“All of my boyfriends have been white” -Ali’s BFF Special on Patreon 4/23/22
“You definitely need an older guy” -Cindy on Ali’s BFF Special on Patreon 4/23/22
“I’ve been on the dating apps since high school. Dating websites at the time” -Ali’s BFF Special on Patreon 4/23/22
“Who would be the perfect man for Ali?”
“Clearly a combination of the The Dentist and [the early stages of] The Buffalo” -Cindy on Ali’s BFF Special on Patreon 4/23/22
“Do you consider The Rower or Disco ball to have been situationships?”
“No, I don't consider either The Rower or The Disco Ball to be situationships” -question asked on TikTok 11/9/22
submitted by pizzapillowfort to findingmrheight [link] [comments]
A couple of notes before you read (or after because I would just jump into the list right away too)
- Direct quotes from Ali herself are in italics.
- I tried my best to keep everything in timeline order. Some people like The Come Back Kid I placed in the order where they reconnected/talked about on the pod. But I did my best to note this.
- All this information came from the FMH podcast, the Patreon, the original FMH blog, TikTok and other podcast that feature FMH/Ali. I also crossed reference information with this sub. I got most of this done with the help of the Patreon and listening to 1.75x speed but I lost accessed to the Patreon because my subscription ended.
- I'm open to edits! Things around the matchmaker era confused me and if anything is incorrect or if I'm missing someone, please let me know! I will note where corrections are made.
- Some people don't have anything simply because only a name was said or I couldn't find any details about the person/date
- And of course, please be respectful of all the sub rules!
- Mr. Adorable aka The Coach
- Trouble
- Waffles
- Future Husband Brian (FHB)
- Cookie
- Peter Pan
- Ambiguous Goodbye Guy
- Bad Bitch Man
Mentioned on Tiktok and on the pod once
Myspace Boyfriend
Mentioned on Tiktok
Third Boyfriend
Met on eCrush.com in 2002 and this was mentioned on the Cracked Up podcast, The Dave Glaser Podcast and Tiktok
The Kiwi
Met on a 2 week Model UN type youth trip in high school when Ali was 15, never a boyfriend but she had a huge crush on him, he tried to kiss Ali and she literally ran away, didn’t talk the rest of the trip but exchanged numbers and screen names (Ali’s was FineGal13 or BeachJewel760), she made him a mixtape cd called “Ali’s really cool mix for The Kiwi” but never sent it and she still has it. In 2021, he DM’d her when she posted photos of her and her mom in France and invites her to visit him in London, she says she can’t but says they should catch up if he comes to NYC
Fourth Boyfriend
Met on OkCupid when you had to use it on the computer, this was mentioned on Tiktok
The Homecoming Date or Light Switch
First boyfriend? (she goes back and forth calling him her first bf or a situationship), a family friend, a month younger than Ali, dated in high school but went to different high schools, football player, made him ask her to her Homecoming dance over email (her words), Ali hid in the bathroom the whole Homecoming dance, 3-4 revisits of this situations as adults, saw him on Bumble a few years ago and texted him that he had a typo in his bio, “he very much wanted to be with me” and now he’s married with a kid. His mom is still “obsessed” with Ali and she listens to FMH
Random college guy
Freshman year of college, Ali doesn’t have a nickname for him/doesn’t remember his real name, met this guy through a friend, was texting him to invite him over to hot tub but her phone autocorrected to “how about some hot rubbing tonight?” but Ali didn’t noticed/didn’t correct it and he never replied, Ali had a house party and got really drunk and was all over him, he left the party early, she messaged him on MySpace 3-4 times asking why he left
The Resident
Matched on Match.com, first guy she dated in NYC after college, older than Ali, a doctor, lasted 3 months ”maybe”, he didn’t like Ali’s friends, got a card from him on her birthday and it said “Love, The Resident” and it took Ali back a little, Ali drinks black coffee because of him, he coordinated having her mom visit NYC for her birthday then he broke up with her a week later
The Ghost
Met at a bar when she was 25, turns out they matched on OkCupid and they already had a date scheduled next week, they dated for 6-8 weeks, had sleepovers, “The worst ghosting experience I’ve ever had”, he borrowed The Great Gatsby from Ali’s roommate, planned to make dinner together after a beach trip in August with her friends and never showed up, Ali is blowing up his phone and gets no reply, two weeks later she finally texts “are you alive? check yes or no” and he responds “Yes”, Ali then ask if he could return the book and gets no reply again, 5 months go by and she receives the book in the mail with the note: “Here’s the book back. Sorry. P.S. sorry about last summer. I was in a bad place. You’re a great person and your salmon is amazing”, since then she has ran into him twice on the streets and matched with him on Bumble
The Coach/Mr. Adorable
First serious boyfriend at 26/27 in 2013, matched on Match.com or met through work depending if you’re listening to the pod or reading her OG blog, clean-cut look, played volleyball, Ali invited him to a friend’s birthday party and they made out in the streets at 4am, on their second date he asked Ali if she was seeing any one and when Ali said no he ask her to be his girlfriend 3 days after their first date, dated for almost 1.5 years or almost 2 years depending on if you’re listening to the pod or the Patreon, first time saying “I love you” to a guy, “lovely guy“, never would posted Ali on his instagram until Ali said something, he “lived” with her for two weeks while he was in between apartments, tried blind folding/hair pulling during sex and she didn’t like it, by the end of their relationship Ali didn’t like sex and thought she wasn’t a very sexual person, after they broke up Ali drunk texted him at 2am and he picked her up and she spent the night and she took her things in the morning in a rolly suitcase, from her blog in 2015: “I just want to be careful I don’t end up with another Mr. Adorable situation, where I find myself dating my platonic best friend”, had drinks with him in 2016 from the blog: “Not in a romantic way (at least on my end)”, Ali still talks to him sometimes through casual instagram DMs, he’s currently (as of 2021) dating someone for 4+ years and Ali thinks they’re going to get engaged
Trouble
OG 2015 FMH blog, never mentioned on the pod, “I was immediately enamored with him”, met at a Beer Olympic party but he worked with one of Ali’s best friends (Ali was still dating The Coach at the time), lived in BK, tattoos and stubble, Ali’s best friend said he was a “fuck boy”, “he very much made me see that it was the right thing for me and The Coach to not be together”, from her blog in 2015: “he has this look in his eye like he’s constantly laughing at me – in a super sexy way”, he texted her saying he didn’t see anything romantically with her and she sent a gif of someone shrugging
Personal side note: Ali has mentioned she has cheated on someone but never disclosed who she cheated on or with. I feel like she cheated on Mr.A/The Coach with Trouble because of the timeline. Just a guess.
Waffles
Matched on Bumble, OG 2015 FMH blog, he asked Ali fuck/marry/kill breakfast foods, dated 2 months around summer time, on Fourth of July while watching fireworks he said how they had a great day and Ali replied with something along the lines with “yeah, it would be better if I could call you my boyfriend”, he said he wanted a relationship but just not with Ali and shortly afterwards they stopped seeing each other
The Buffalo
Lived in Buffalo NY, 6’5, Scorpio, met in 2015 at Adults National volleyball (Ali’s team won that year) where he was heckling her while she was playing, asks Ali’s mom for her number and Ali’s mom said “I guess you’re tall enough” and told him to ask her himself, he flew her out and she met his parents, dated over summer, exclusive but never boyfriend/girlfriend (but called him her LD boyfriend on TikTok), texted and talked on the phone a lot, Ali’s best friend’s favorite ex “they had really good banter”, in October he invited her to his cousins wedding and she invited him to her friends wedding, after Ali bought her ticket to his cousins wedding (with the promise he would buy her ticket to her friend’s wedding) he ghosted and stonewalled her, she “poured her heart out to him on voicemail” and he never replied, she asked him to pay her back for her ticket and he got mad that she “made this about money”, 2 years later he told Ali that he freaked out because he really liked her and saw a future with her but knew she would never move to Buffalo and it would “never work”, Ali said at the time she would have considered moving for him, Ali used to have him blocked on Facebook and told all her friends not to update her on info about him (unless she asked). He’s now married and goes to Disney with his wife (which Ali kind of scoffs at?), Ali said on TikTok that she dodged a bullet
Baby Bic
Met him at Adults National years ago, had a flirtationship with him in 2016 when he was 19 years old, ran into him at the Adults Nationals 2021, last texts she got from him were about getting his fake ID taken away at the bar and him visiting her in NYC but Ali didn’t want to buy him beer and drink at her apartment
The Chef
Matched on Tinder around 2016, he loved karaoke, “total shit”, asked Ali to be his girlfriend and to meet his mom after a month, off and on dating, broke up the first time because he was talking to his ex, lied and flew to Mexico to see his ex while dating Ali, that ex sent Ali a Snapchat of them in bed together on that Mexico trip, Ali broke up with him via text and called him a shitty boyfriend, he’s the reason Ali deleted her Snapchat because of drunk Snaps he would send post break up, FB messaged Ali 6 years later (while Roark was visiting/staying with Ali) and said sorry for being a shit head. Ali’s best friends hated him
The Dentist
Met on Halloween in the wild, Canadian, dated NYE 2016- May 2017 “nice guy, not my guy”, one of Ali’s best friend’s favorite ex “he adored you, “he was too sweet for me” and “he had no edge to him”, he painted Ali’s cat for her 30th birthday but she was annoyed it was just Rory and not both cats, The Chef texted Ali while on a date/sleeping at his house
ASV - Aspiring Sober Vegan
Met through a friend (her best guy friend’s college roommate) the day before she had to fly out to her dad’s memorial, a doctor, into meditation, remembered him “being cuter” when they went on a first date, felt “the spark”, had “omg this is awesome sex”, Ali described this relationship as a “slow burn” and “the most attracted she ever been to a partner” even thought she didn’t think he was that cute in the beginning, dated 2-3 months before he tried to ghost Ali but they talked and broke up, four months later they start casually dating/FWB because he’s moving but this turns into a ‘middle distance relationship’ and he moves to Philly, had a lot of communication issues but didn't have a lot of fights, wants to live in Ohio and give a % of his income to charity, Ali was close to saying ‘I love you’ but didn’t, he uninvited her to meet his extended family and they got in a fight, broke up with her a couple weeks before their 6 month anniversary at the park while on a picnic and told her that she’s still his favorite person, Ali used to think he was “the one that got away” and would frequently have dreams about him. From what Ali knows, he's sober but not vegan
The Scientist
2017 or 2018ish, from San Diego, went on one date, Ali ended up ghosting him due to the decline in her dad’s health, saw him on Hinge while she was in San Diego for 3 months in 2020, texted him and apologized for ghosting him, ended up going on 2-3 more dates, took a selfie in front of his house and sent it to him but acted like she didn’t know that was his house and made a TikTok about it, things ended up not working but she doesn’t make it clear on who ended it. She can now see she shouldn’t have been going on dates during this time when her dad was sick.
Good on Paper Divorced Dude
Met a couple of years ago (she told this story on TikTok in 2020) on Bumble
The Groomsman
Met at her friend Ashley’s wedding in Chicago Oct 2019, had a “two night stand” with him, texted/talked/FT’d for 3-4 months, divorced, never dated seriously/FWB, saw each other a couple time when he came to NYC, Ali stopped talking with him due to FMH and her trying to find a serious relationship, he starts dating someone, follows FMH on insta, slid into her DM in 2022 and then sent her soup while she was sick, turns out he’s single again, 2 months later Ali is heading to Chicago and texts him “Hello! Reminder that my arrival to your neck of the woods is imminent” and turns out he is now seeing someone and Ali doesn’t see him while in Chicago (at least she doesn’t mention it)
Unnicknamed person
He was her plus one at her best friend from college’s NYE wedding 2019/2020, met and hung out with Ali’s mom, posted photos of them together on her personal Insta story, “fully dating but weren’t official hehe” doesn’t have a nickname/never gave him a nickname? This could be The Latvian/the person she texted her friend in DC about saying “I think I’m on a date with my husband”
Starts FMH on January 2020 on Instagram/TikTok
The TravelerHe was browsing Bumble while Ali was in the bathroom during their first date, he was banned from Bumble and was using his grandma phone number. Ali turned down a second date
The Duke
Early FMH, went for long periods of time in between texts, 7-8 Zoom dates while Ali was in San Diego and he was in NY, Ali said you could see three of his ex’s on his instagram page (without scrolling), they finally went on one date and it was “meh” but they did kiss on their date
The Oyster
Matched on Bumble (he had one photo and no bio) two weeks before Valentines Day, Gemini, a lawyer, part of the 13 First Dates in 30 Days series (he was #13), dated Feb 2020-Aug 2020, love bomber, felt “the spark” and became official after 3 dates, best first date ever??? at the time, said “I love you” to Ali after two weeks, “For most of my relationship with The Oyster, he didn’t live in the city he had moved to Connecticut without telling me”, would fight all the time, opposite political views, Ali felt like a “fucking summer camp director” because she planned all their dates and he would get upset if Ali didn't have a plan, sought out a therapist (Megan) because of her relationship struggles because of him, went to Mass/church, he wanted a traditional marriage/life/wife/kids (at one point had Ali thinking she wanted that), didn’t want to live in NYC, didn’t support BLM, Cindy hated him
The Pilot
Went on 3 dates, texted a lot, didn’t hear back from him in four days and when she said she was looking to date someone who showed more consistency, he replied saying he met someone the day after their last date who seems to have more free time than Ali and he wants to pursue that but would like to be friends, Ali said on TikTok that this other women “bent her schedule to his schedule” and she was unwilling to do that. Mostly talked about him on TikTok
The Analyst
Matched on Bumble two years ago and went on one date, re matched in 2021 and he stood Ali up, she send him a text “getting stood up” script and he never replied. Only mentioned him on TikTok (?)
Ali and Roark start FMH: The Podcast February 2021
The BoomerangFirst date on the pod? I couldn't find anything else about him
The Scuba Diver
The Music Man
One date, “he didn’t do anything wrong, he’s just not for me”, amped up small talk, complimented Ali a lot which made her feel awkward cause she wasn’t feeling it, he texted her and asked for a second date and Ali sent the no ghosting script
The Bet
Uses the phrase “ok bet”, 28 years old shoe designer, only went on one dinner date to a spot he picked, turns out its cash only and he didn’t bring cash, was not into him , not looking for the same thing
The Dinosaur
Nickname was previously The Hawaiian, first date at Dinosaur BBQ, stood in a parking spot to save for Ali, he asked for a kiss after their date and Ali declined saying maybe next time
The Rose
He sent her a rose on hinge, first date was an hour long walk in the park while drinking beer
The Comic
Matched on Hinge, older than Ali (Ali’s friends express how happy they were to hear that), had brunch on their first date (was the first part of a double header but the second guy canceled), listed as “moderate” politically on Hinge, good and easy convo, went back and forth twice over text and then never heard back from him, “technically not ghosting...”
The Camper
Met in the wild at a volleyball tournament in July, lives in Chicago, 27 years old, hung out the whole time, over heard Ali asking someone to get her a make out partner, gave Ali his number, drunkly ask him for a FT date in the future and he didn’t reply, Ali texts him again about a volleyball thing and he replied back with not a lot of enthusiasm, Ali is going to Chicago in Sept for a volleyball tournament and she’s already planning on playing 4-on-4 with her best friend vs. his roommate and maybe The Camper, he texts her saying he has to work on the date of the tournament and won’t be able to do the 4-on-4 game, “I feel like I got broken up with someone I never want to date in the first place”
Ali’s Matchmaker contract starts in August 2021 - 6 matches
The SchmoozerWent on a dinner date, was chatting up the waitress in a kind of creepy way, was bragging about a lot of things and it turned Ali off and Ali texted him her no ghosting script
The Accountant
1st matchmaker match, 31 years old, lives in BK, his dad has also passed away, easy to talk to, on the third date she wasn’t sure if she saw a future with him and in her gut doesn’t feel like this would be a slow burn, Ali breaks things off with him, months (?) later he sent Ali a 5 min long voice memo and they said they were both down to see each other as friends. He later on dated and ghosted Erica
The Aussie
Matched on Hinge, in politics, from Australia but lived all over the place, asked Ali what she’s looking for on the first date and he said he’s “casually looking for something serious”, Ali accidentally walks up to a different person on their second date, Ali texts him saying she would love to see him before he leaves on a trip and she wasn’t happy that it took him till the next day to reply and he can’t see her before he leaves
The Goalie
Was supposed to be Ali’s 2nd match, he’s a paying client, Ali didn’t hear back from him for a while when she told him where she lived, he wrote to the matchmaker saying that she lived too far away even though it states where she lives in her matchmaker profile
The Journalist
2nd matchmaker match, ended things because she was dating/pursuing things with The Discoball and paused her matchmakers matches
The Threepeat
Matched multiple times on dating apps but this recent time with Hinge, Amazon seller, first date was a pizza lunch date (with bubbles aka champagne) and he gave her a single yellow carnation, talked a lot about her “side hustles” aka her food blog, coaching, FMH and the pod (Ali didn’t mentioned the name on FMH), had an awkward half kiss during the date and then gave her a peck when they said goodbye, he had no night stands by his bed?, spent the night but told public pod they had a movie night, different kissing styles, 6 dates, broke things off with Ali two days before her first date with The Rower WHILE Ali was on a Halloween girls trip
The Rower
Dated from Halloween 2021 till early Feb 2022, Pisces who is 6 days older than Ali, has an ex-fiancé (they dated for 8 years, engaged for two of them, she broke off the engagement with him 1.5 years ago once he started dating Ali), has a shared dog with this ex, slept together around Xmas on the fourth date and Ali got a UTI, first time having “omg this is awesome sex” since ASV, first person Ali slept next to wearing an eye mask "that's a big step for me", had him watch 90 Day Fiancé, on New Years Day told her that he sees “long term relationship potential” with her but doesn’t want to be exclusive after 5 dates, “we didn’t talk all week”, he said he wasn’t as ready as he though to date someone seriously and “I don’t know why I don’t want to be in a relationship with you” they broke up over the phone, Ali said he’s a good human and wants to date someone like him, 3.5 weeks later Ali drunk texted him at 3:00 am saying “its really hard not to talk to you” which Ali said was a lie, he replied back (few days? A week later?) while Ali was on another date and it made her cry a bit, she replied back saying “the door is closed but not locked” in regards if he wants to get back together. “Fin… for now”
2022
The DiscoballMatched on Hinge but didn’t go on a first date for two week, Gemini, used to be a singer in a band, moved from DC to NYC, went on 7 dates in 2022, had a dog w/ ex and ex got full custody once he moved, met one of his friends on the second date, slept with him on the second date “morning and night”, he tried to find the podcast without knowing the name, podcasted from his house in DC, he would send Ali photos of them together “all the time”, gave a virtual presentation from his hotel room, did Molly together in DC, had him watch 90 Day Fiancé, moved to BK (didn’t see each other for 2 months pre-move), had a sex-less sleepover (a milestone for Ali), he showed up for her on her dad’s death date (something that a person she’s dating has never done), used to listen to the pod but stopped before they stopped seeing each other, ghosted her after they had a talk about moving things forward to exclusive and Ali texted him something along the lines of “your silence is the answer” when she didn’t hear back from him for a week and he ghosted her. Ali said he sucks in #77 AUA
Lisbon
The Brit
M&M
The Come Back Kid
They went on 2-3 dates in Nov 2018 and reconnected in May 2022, "felt immediately comfortable", sat next to a very drunk lady on their second 1st date and was supportive but "didn't step on Ali's toes" when the drunk lady said something offensive to Ali, couldn’t remember if they slept together or not, knows about FMH, ghosted Ali
The Trainer
The Cold Brew
The Nomad
3rd matchmaker match, reminded Ali of The Oyster, wanted kids and didn’t want to live in NYC forever, Ali was upset at first because her matchmaker was supposed to screen for that but the matchmaker DID check and it wasn’t mentioned when she was screening The Nomad, no second date because those are dealbreakers to him
The Catcher
Matched on Bumble, “good not great” after their first date, ~April 2022, talked about sports a lot on their first date
The Gentleman
4th matchmaker match, knew about Ali’s FMH socials before their date, Ali didn’t like his texting style, awkward intro on their first date “like hugging a 2 x 4”, he runs a dating event company and actually email Ali to be a guest on the pod when FMH first started, awkward goodbye, didn’t discuss the actual first date on the main pod because she doesn’t want to give him a reason to reach out again
The Tennis Pro
Ali had a good time on their date, “He is an adult, he’s mature” BUT “I don’t think he was into it”
The Padre
Matched on Bumble, 3 dates, from San Diego, “energy mismatch”, doesn’t want to know or listen to FMH, no psychical connection/kiss, only a kiss on the cheek on their last date, “I haven’t spoken to him since Friday night [a week]”, she didn’t want to do what The Threepeat did to her (break up while on vacation/traveling), she said it might be a MOO
Roark leaves and Erica joins the pod Oct 31st 2022
Captain Kirk5th matchmaker match, found him on Bumble before their in-person date, ghosted Ali AND the matchmaker???
6th matchmaker match
Last match and Ali states she will not talk about this date or anything about it
JFK Kirk?
Matched on Bumble, didn’t realize he’s located in SD, exchanged personal instagram info, not sure where things went or how things ended
Kirk #1
Met in the wild, make out a lot the night they met, “stealing kisses throughout the night”, exchanged numbers, planned a date (no specifics, just the day) but when Ali texted him day of he asked to reschedule (no specifics again), he replied back that he’s picking up a rental car, told him she’s looking for someone to respect her time and he never replied back
2023
The FalconFirst date of 2023, matched on The League, first nickname was “League Kirk”, hard to talk to, felt like Ali was always reaching for the next topic, likes to travel, “there wasn’t a vibe”, MOO
The Roommate
Used to be her friend’s roommate and have met before (Ali doesn’t remember but it was the day after that exclusive convo with The Rower), “totally cute”, reunited at their mutual friend’s engagement party January 2023, made out at the bar, comes back to her place and sleeps over (no sex), Ali questions why her friends never set them up and its because he was taking a break from dating, first date they made out a lot at the bar (again), “I really felt like we were already a couple”, “It didn’t feel like a first date”, mentions her FMH content has popped up on his FYP, tried texting him after their date and he wasn’t giving effort, she’s glad she didn’t sleep with him because “one night stands aren’t my thing”, MOO
The Belgian
Matched on Bumble, accidentally had their first date during a trivia night at a bar, easy to talk to
The Viking
Ali forgot they had a first date on the day of said date
Tinder Man
Matched on Tinder (duh) on Valentine’s Day, first Tinder date in three years, good convo on first date but got a pushy vibe from him at the second bar they went to, put his hand up her sweater and was kissing her in the bar, made Ali uncomfortable and she told him that after her asked her on a second date
The Historian
Matched on Bumble, good conversation on the first date with a wide range of topics like “urban planning and its impact on feminism”, he’s in grad school
The Georgian
Matched on Hinge, he asked if she was free on Friday and she said yes but didn’t hear back from him in two days and in that time she made plans for Friday, rescheduled for a Saturday afternoon date at a dive bar, ate on her way to her date “it would be next level rude to eat on the subway”, good first date, talked about places he wants to take her to
The Publicist
Matched on Tinder, lives in BK, Jewish, one year younger then Ali, good first date, invited him to the Chaotic Singles Party that night, came over to Ali's apartment (which Ali said was messy) before and he made her favorite cocktail for her, a couple of listeners met him at the CSP, goofy and silly convo mixed with deep and serious convos, second date was at the Brooklyn Botanical Gardens and a tasting menu dinner, he made a Resy reservation and Ali got an email saying she was added to it ”fuck receiving gifts, THAT’S my love language”, he's into words like Ali, he sneezed and Ali said "God bless you" but then corrected herself and said "gesundheit" and he leaned over and kissed her and said he loves that she cares about her words, he met her friends on the third date ”It felt so easy. It felt so comfortable”, her friends took “sneaky” picture and videos of them together which Ali said she loves a sneaky pic, took all their date recap videos on his phone, cooked Ali steak on their fourth date, "it's very comfortable", had him watch 90 Day Fiancé, Ali met two of his friends and some of his teammates he plays a rec sport with, had sex the day they took a trip outside of the city, Erica met him before their trip to Greece and I said “he’s dorky in a good way”, WhatsApp video chatted while in Greece and told her “see you in two days!” at the end of their call, said she felt less anxious about him compared to other relationships while on vacation, sent him a birthday present while she was in Greece, felt an energy shift coming back from vacation and didn’t hear back from him 3 days after she came home, Ali requested a call to talk about this distances she was feeling, ”I did the 12 date rule and it didn’t work!”, she said the distance help her see that they’re not compatible, went on a total of 9 dates. Ali talks about the “break up” on episode 123
Mr. Chaotic
Matched on Tinder but he saw Ali at the Chaotic Singles Party and Cassidy the host is there mutual friend, went to a brewery and played games on their first date (Ali said this was her favorite first dates in episode 147 where they recapped 2023), works in entertainment industry, very high energy, knows about FMH and he said she's entertaining to watch, splits his time between NYC and some unknown city, texted while she was in Greece, ”The man gives good texts”
Random Matchmaker Match
Withdrew his match to Ali because he found her FMH socials. Talked about on #71 AUA
Gone with the Wind
Matchmaker match, said some gross things about women in volleyball outfits on their first date, Ali told her matchmaker about this, ”I would describe him as misogynistic overall”, Ali was glad he did say those weird things so early on so she didn’t waste her time, the matchmaker flagged his account. This was around June 2023
The Rock
Ali knows him from an activity that they used to be involved with in the city (she's very vague about what this is) from 8 years ago, he had a very serious/long term GF when they met, follows her personal Insta, has never talked about him because he’s never been a “prospect”, summer 2023 they met up to catch up and found out that he’s now recently single but he’s moving out of NYC for work, Ali texts Cindy saying she thinks this is a date, Cindy said to tell him that you really want to kiss him, he ends up telling Ali “I really want to kiss you”, made out at the bar, Ali invited him back to her apartment and they had sex the night before Ali ended things with The Publicist, “one night stand vibes” but she said she was down to do it again, Patreon only and talked about on #75 AUA
The Tourist
Matched on Hinge, just moved to Brooklynn, went to a brewery in BK for their first date, Ali showed up to the date dripping in sweat, allergic to cats, he sent Ali a ‘no ghosting’ text the next morning
The Stout
Matched on Bumble, ”we had really great banter right away”, laughed the whole time on their first date, talked about going on a second date during their first date
Speed Racer
Matched on Bumble, drinks first date, axe throwing second date, made out after their second date, MOO, randomly texted Ali ~6 months later because he said one of Ali’s date recap videos about him popped up on his FYP (Ali and Erica think this is a lie), he thought Ali wasn’t into him, he claims he was doing all the work with texting even though there was only a few messages since they exchanged numbers after their second date
Billy Joel
Recently sober, Ali said she felt like they had several inside jokes before they met in person, ate pizza on her way to their first date, second date was getting coffee and going to the museum, they cooked dinner together for their third date at Ali’s apartment and they watched 90 Day Fiancé (he didn’t like it), he Googled how to clean a red wine stain when it spilled on her countertop, he asked if she wanted to have sex and she turned it down, the next day/the day before a 7am flight Ali booty called him and they had sex, she was drunk and said the sex wasn’t good/they stopped mid way, helped Ali pack for her flight, Ali said he’s at a crossroad and he doesn’t seem like a long term fit, Erica found a condom on the ground while cat sitting, Ali said she didn’t regret hooking up with him but wishes she hadn’t done it, MOO
Sales Cycle
30 seconds in and Ali said he was very boring, only really talked about his job, stared at Ali’s boobs, “might be a MOO”, texted her ‘merry christmas’
2024
Pie Guy/Dr. LaundryMatched on The League, 34 years old, requested a nickname change from Pie Guy to Dr. Laundry, he had to cancel their second date because he got hit by a car, went on two dates, Ali sent him a pic of his subway stop saying something along the lines of “the stop isn’t looking as cute today” and turns out someone he dated with in that photo, were supposed to go on a third date the night she got back from a bachelorette party but he didn't answer her text when she said she landed, the next day he asked her how her trip was not acknowledging her previous text at all, Ali expressed her disappointment and he replied that he was tired last night, she said she would've been understanding if he said something then ghosted her
Andddd I stopped listening to the podcast around the Dr. Pie Laundry Guy but have stayed up to date with everything via this sub.
I have a huge interest in dating culture, human behavior and data similar to Ali and this little project of mine was really interesting once I got the framework of this list. I started this list once I found this sub in December 2023 and started re listening to the Patreon while working out (and lost 10 lbs ayeee) and writing down information in my notes app. I did my best to keep this list unbiased and just give facts and information that was said.
My own thoughts after making this list is that I'm very sad for Ali. I didn't realize the extent of her dating history. I think about my own dating history or even my friends who are in their 30's and dating and Ali's dating lore runs so deep. Is Ali unlucky with love? Did she pass on someone that could have been great for her? How has she had so many dates with little success in a long term partner or even going beyond 6-8 dates? Or is Skyline the person she has been waiting for? What's the pattern with all this dates/men? So many questions.
I truly do hope Ali finds her guy because I believe theres someone for everyone. Until then, I'll be hopping into this sub (cause y'all are too funny and give the best advice) and waiting for Ali to find Mr. Height.
Enjoy and I look forward to everyone thoughts! I'll keep my eye out for any edits that need to be made.
Bonus quotes:
“Longest relationship was a little under a year and a half. Haven’t made it past 6 months with anyone else” - AUA #7 11/27/21
“I spent the first 10+ years of my dating life being sort of perennially single” -1. The Actual First One episode 2/21/21
"I think my parent's story is the reason why I think that I can romantically get back together with an ex and it'll work out" -The Dave Glaser Podcast 4/5/21
“Almost every relationship I’ve ever been in, with a couple of exceptions, started as a situationship.” -21. The Undefined One 7/11/21
“All of my boyfriends have been white” -Ali’s BFF Special on Patreon 4/23/22
“You definitely need an older guy” -Cindy on Ali’s BFF Special on Patreon 4/23/22
“I’ve been on the dating apps since high school. Dating websites at the time” -Ali’s BFF Special on Patreon 4/23/22
“Who would be the perfect man for Ali?”
“Clearly a combination of the The Dentist and [the early stages of] The Buffalo” -Cindy on Ali’s BFF Special on Patreon 4/23/22
“Do you consider The Rower or Disco ball to have been situationships?”
“No, I don't consider either The Rower or The Disco Ball to be situationships” -question asked on TikTok 11/9/22
2024.05.19 03:41 cheytay Defining a Relationship with an INTJ (ultimatums?)
Hello INTJ I am once again back…
Mostly just a thought dump but also I am genuinely curious about your opinions about the line between a boundary and an ultimatum.
I (27 F ENTJ-A) am still in relationship limbo with someone (34 M INTJ-A). We have been seeing each other for almost 3 months. We live in different cities, though not super far away, but I would say that we would still count as medium distance. It takes about 1.5-2 hrs one way. That said, I did a little math and we have spent 45% of those three months meeting in person. The data is a bit skewed because we went on a trip to Japan about a month into seeing each other but in any case, we see each other a lot. A minimum of twice a week, with pretty equal effort of me going to his city or him coming to mine. Daily texting (not uncommon in his culture) typically each morning, throughout the work day. Phone calls 2-3 times a week. I have no doubts that we seeing each other exclusively because lmao there is literally no other time to be spent elsewhere.
We have in these three months: Met some of each other’s friends, spent 4 days abroad, he had a surgery and recovered at my house (I removed his IV for heaven’s sake lol), spent both our birthdays together, and I met his sister.
When we were in Japan, he introduced me to his friends as his girlfriend assuming I wouldn’t understand the Japanese. When discussing it later, he back tracked. He has continued to skirt defining the relationship. My feelings about this have been mixed from neutral, to relieved, to a little annoyed. I don’t think I’m very quick to develop feelings but proximity, stability, and all that jazz will do that to a person. I have checked in every few weeks to get a read on his feelings and he says we’re “still getting to know each other” and often says “/if/ we were dating” which is one thing and if this was his constant narrative I wouldn’t mind as much.
The bigger issue is if he gets a drop of alcohol in him, he talks a lot about marriage. We’re both divorcés with similar stories—we both got married very young so it’s not surprising his mind defaults to marriage. Mine does too, but I keep that fairly under wraps. He’ll say things like, “When we have a son… When you move in… Oh when you meet my mom, you should bring…” things like this. I live abroad in his country and said something about worrying about my visa extension next year on one such phone calls and he replied immediately, “Why are you worried? Don’t you think we’ll be married by then?” Which would be cute and maybe endearing if he wasn’t so adamant that we are not dating when he is sober. It’s the back and forth that bothers me more. I don’t drink much, so maybe I could just be misunderstanding, but I certainly don’t say things opposite of what I mean when I drink so the whiplash in his stances is getting to be a bit much.
He also asked me to move to his city and speaks often about how great it will be once I do. I think, if we’re dating, that makes sense because I’m a freelancer and can work from anywhere, he is tethered to his job. I have a chance to extend my lease for 3 months or move at the end of June. But… we are not dating.
Aside from the fact this may hint at a bit of a drinking problem, one’s patience tends to grow thin. I know INTJs can be slower to act, and enjoy having the chance to weigh their options, and perhaps I have a bit of that ENTJ self inflated ego but I don’t love being deliberated on. I have been patient, warm, and accommodating and while I don’t think that automatically should be rewarded with a relationship, I also worry about developing deeper feelings for someone who doesn’t have the intention of committing. Of course, the last three months has also been a significant investment of time, and money, but opening up and falling for someone isn’t easy for either of the NTJs I don’t think. I would say that I’m in the beginning stages of in love with him and I worry about letting that deepen without commitment.
On top of that, I worry that being overly accommodating will backfire. A lot of dating advice for women is to not be /too/ easy to date. While that doesn’t come naturally to me, I think it’s time to assert a boundary. We’re currently at about 75 days since we met but truly an insane amount of hours spent together, which I think is fair enough time to decide whether this is a relationship or not.
We have a date planned this week after a job interview in his city and I think I plan to approach the conversation like this:
submitted by cheytay to intj [link] [comments]
Mostly just a thought dump but also I am genuinely curious about your opinions about the line between a boundary and an ultimatum.
I (27 F ENTJ-A) am still in relationship limbo with someone (34 M INTJ-A). We have been seeing each other for almost 3 months. We live in different cities, though not super far away, but I would say that we would still count as medium distance. It takes about 1.5-2 hrs one way. That said, I did a little math and we have spent 45% of those three months meeting in person. The data is a bit skewed because we went on a trip to Japan about a month into seeing each other but in any case, we see each other a lot. A minimum of twice a week, with pretty equal effort of me going to his city or him coming to mine. Daily texting (not uncommon in his culture) typically each morning, throughout the work day. Phone calls 2-3 times a week. I have no doubts that we seeing each other exclusively because lmao there is literally no other time to be spent elsewhere.
We have in these three months: Met some of each other’s friends, spent 4 days abroad, he had a surgery and recovered at my house (I removed his IV for heaven’s sake lol), spent both our birthdays together, and I met his sister.
When we were in Japan, he introduced me to his friends as his girlfriend assuming I wouldn’t understand the Japanese. When discussing it later, he back tracked. He has continued to skirt defining the relationship. My feelings about this have been mixed from neutral, to relieved, to a little annoyed. I don’t think I’m very quick to develop feelings but proximity, stability, and all that jazz will do that to a person. I have checked in every few weeks to get a read on his feelings and he says we’re “still getting to know each other” and often says “/if/ we were dating” which is one thing and if this was his constant narrative I wouldn’t mind as much.
The bigger issue is if he gets a drop of alcohol in him, he talks a lot about marriage. We’re both divorcés with similar stories—we both got married very young so it’s not surprising his mind defaults to marriage. Mine does too, but I keep that fairly under wraps. He’ll say things like, “When we have a son… When you move in… Oh when you meet my mom, you should bring…” things like this. I live abroad in his country and said something about worrying about my visa extension next year on one such phone calls and he replied immediately, “Why are you worried? Don’t you think we’ll be married by then?” Which would be cute and maybe endearing if he wasn’t so adamant that we are not dating when he is sober. It’s the back and forth that bothers me more. I don’t drink much, so maybe I could just be misunderstanding, but I certainly don’t say things opposite of what I mean when I drink so the whiplash in his stances is getting to be a bit much.
He also asked me to move to his city and speaks often about how great it will be once I do. I think, if we’re dating, that makes sense because I’m a freelancer and can work from anywhere, he is tethered to his job. I have a chance to extend my lease for 3 months or move at the end of June. But… we are not dating.
Aside from the fact this may hint at a bit of a drinking problem, one’s patience tends to grow thin. I know INTJs can be slower to act, and enjoy having the chance to weigh their options, and perhaps I have a bit of that ENTJ self inflated ego but I don’t love being deliberated on. I have been patient, warm, and accommodating and while I don’t think that automatically should be rewarded with a relationship, I also worry about developing deeper feelings for someone who doesn’t have the intention of committing. Of course, the last three months has also been a significant investment of time, and money, but opening up and falling for someone isn’t easy for either of the NTJs I don’t think. I would say that I’m in the beginning stages of in love with him and I worry about letting that deepen without commitment.
On top of that, I worry that being overly accommodating will backfire. A lot of dating advice for women is to not be /too/ easy to date. While that doesn’t come naturally to me, I think it’s time to assert a boundary. We’re currently at about 75 days since we met but truly an insane amount of hours spent together, which I think is fair enough time to decide whether this is a relationship or not.
We have a date planned this week after a job interview in his city and I think I plan to approach the conversation like this:
- “How do you define dating? Objectively.” Get a sense of what constitutes as a relationship and then compare and contrast with what we’re doing. Share my definition of dating. Try to keep the conversation open and exploratory.
- Tell him that I don’t feel confident about moving to his city given the uncertainty of our relationship at the moment. Even if this conversation results in a title, I will push the move to the Fall at the earliest.
- Set my timeline. If we’re not /officially/ dating by the 3 month mark, I have to take a step back. It’s not good for my self-esteem and I can’t give so much of my time without some security. I’m not sure I would stop seeing him all together but ~* girlfriend treatment *~ would have to be reduced for the sake of my own feelings. If possible, it would probably be healthiest to stop altogether.
2024.05.19 02:53 Waterfall-Throwaway Update! - AITAH for ruining my girlfriend's reputation/relationship with her family after she commented on my weight?
TW: reference to mild ED
We broke up!!
I decided to do it over text. I didn't think there was a real risk of her tricking or attacking me, but I've been trusting her too much for years, so I thought it was better to be cautious. Plus, I was kind of excited to do this and not have to attend to her anymore - which is probably a sign I should have done this way sooner.
This was confirmed when I told my work crew and they bought a six pack to celebrate.
I'm going to go to a few sessions of church counseling just to make sure it didn't kick anything up in regards to my eating disorder. (Which is not, I promise, erectile dysfunction.) But I actually felt much more happy with my looks and weight basically the moment I broke things off!
And while I don't plan to date for a short bit, to make sure I'm not in a weird defensive headspace when I start courting someone, people've flirted with me a few times since we broke up. So apparently I don't look hideous! 😎
I've dumped her stuff at her mother's, along with a thank you note for the reunion. Her mother is a lovely woman and I'm glad she has two other (great) daughters because her third is certainly unique. My girlfriend is still texting me and is apparently getting an earful from her mother before she'll let her take her stuff.
I'm still not entirely sure it was right to break up with her and screw with her like that, but I'm definitely sure it was right to break up. One of us definitely deserved better. (And I'm pretty sure it was me. 😅) A serious piece of advice - always check if you want to be in a relationship, or if you're sticking it out because you feel like a knight that's already pledged her fealty to a fool and is waiting for them to wise up or the contract to end. 'Duty' can be just as strong a motivator as 'love', and both are vital, but they aren't interchangeable.
For those who were concerned about my health; thank you, and luckily, due to the motivations behind it, I'm very unlikely to suffer from it again. (Unless someone I respect starts hassling me about my weight again, but I don't plan on letting that happen.) I was a little prone to fever for a while but it never got to the point of long-term damage to bone/organs.
Sort of a rambling and plain update, so here's a fun event: Marshall, our best breeding bull, got a tire stuck on his horns today. We spent half an hour riding him down and getting it off - and he promptly stuck it back on. The boy has interesting tastes in haberdashery.
Thanks so much to everyone who gave me advice or warned me to have, especially the ones speaking from personal experience or asking me if I would want my friends/family treated like this. MASSIVE shout-out to those who asked about what I would think of my friends, family, or God forbid kids being treated like this. Have a great night y'all!
submitted by Waterfall-Throwaway to AITAH [link] [comments]
We broke up!!
I decided to do it over text. I didn't think there was a real risk of her tricking or attacking me, but I've been trusting her too much for years, so I thought it was better to be cautious. Plus, I was kind of excited to do this and not have to attend to her anymore - which is probably a sign I should have done this way sooner.
This was confirmed when I told my work crew and they bought a six pack to celebrate.
I'm going to go to a few sessions of church counseling just to make sure it didn't kick anything up in regards to my eating disorder. (Which is not, I promise, erectile dysfunction.) But I actually felt much more happy with my looks and weight basically the moment I broke things off!
And while I don't plan to date for a short bit, to make sure I'm not in a weird defensive headspace when I start courting someone, people've flirted with me a few times since we broke up. So apparently I don't look hideous! 😎
I've dumped her stuff at her mother's, along with a thank you note for the reunion. Her mother is a lovely woman and I'm glad she has two other (great) daughters because her third is certainly unique. My girlfriend is still texting me and is apparently getting an earful from her mother before she'll let her take her stuff.
I'm still not entirely sure it was right to break up with her and screw with her like that, but I'm definitely sure it was right to break up. One of us definitely deserved better. (And I'm pretty sure it was me. 😅) A serious piece of advice - always check if you want to be in a relationship, or if you're sticking it out because you feel like a knight that's already pledged her fealty to a fool and is waiting for them to wise up or the contract to end. 'Duty' can be just as strong a motivator as 'love', and both are vital, but they aren't interchangeable.
For those who were concerned about my health; thank you, and luckily, due to the motivations behind it, I'm very unlikely to suffer from it again. (Unless someone I respect starts hassling me about my weight again, but I don't plan on letting that happen.) I was a little prone to fever for a while but it never got to the point of long-term damage to bone/organs.
Sort of a rambling and plain update, so here's a fun event: Marshall, our best breeding bull, got a tire stuck on his horns today. We spent half an hour riding him down and getting it off - and he promptly stuck it back on. The boy has interesting tastes in haberdashery.
Thanks so much to everyone who gave me advice or warned me to have, especially the ones speaking from personal experience or asking me if I would want my friends/family treated like this. MASSIVE shout-out to those who asked about what I would think of my friends, family, or God forbid kids being treated like this. Have a great night y'all!
2024.05.19 02:43 Sagee007 Am i f22 wrong for telling my gf (f21) that she needs to learn to love her body and accept she probably wont maintain her weight?
Backstory:My girlfriend and I have been together for a year and a half, going on two years. When we met, she was skinny, but I was super attracted to her. Well, after some time of dating, I realized she doesn’t like her body, and seeing how most—not all, but most—of my exes look added to that. Most of my exes are “thick.” I wouldn’t say extremely overweight, but they have big butts, hips, thighs, and are curvy in all the “good” spots and slim in all the “good” spots. The best way to describe my girlfriend's body is identical to a girl that runs track. She’s 5’3”, slim, toned, and petite. Me, on the other hand, I’m the opposite, and I don’t like it, but I’ve learned to accept it & love it. I’m 5’10” and in a bad season, I’m 170-180 pounds; in an average season, I’m 160-165 pounds; and in an ideal season, I’m 150-155 pounds. I’m a former athlete, so I lift weights, but I’m thick and curvy. Most of my fat goes to my hips and thighs. Luckily, I’m slimmer in other places like my stomach and lower back. I have an okay body.
The Problem: My girlfriend is obsessed with getting thick. She’s been trying since we met. She finally gained some weight and got a little thicker but recently lost it right back. This has been the case for her forever. She can never gain it or do but can’t maintain it, and there's nothing wrong health-wise. She texted me today saying she’s sloppy, ugly, hates her body, and is going to hate herself because of it. She does and says this a lot. I have spent the whole relationship reassuring her she looks good, has a bomb body, and that I love her body. I go the extra mile with sex, etc. every time.
She then sent me a video of her body. Literally, all the TikTok body transformation outcomes that go viral look like hers: she has a nice butt, toned strong legs, a strong core with slight abs, and some hips; everything else is skinny. So I recommended therapy to work on loving her body and not feeling the way she does about her body “because it’s best, as she may not ever reach her goal weight and maintain it all while being healthy mentally.” Well, all hell broke loose. She tells me I have the perfect body, that I’m a horrible girlfriend, and that I’m dumped because I downed her goals, discouraged her, and made her feel worse. She said it was my job to motivate her, not double down on her not reaching her goals. We then got into an argument because I got pissed. I asked her how the hell is me telling her to work on loving her body and consulting a professional about her extreme reactions to her body not motivating and downing her. She says I didn’t tell her what she needed to hear. I say I did, just not what she wanted to hear. I then reassured her I love her body and she’s beautiful. Nope. She then says if she says she hates something, me saying I love it is worse. She says everyone wants to be thick, and I have it made; I have the ideal body type. I lost it. I tell her most women want a bigger butt and hips, but no one really wants to be thicker (aka overweight) for real. And that skinny is the ideal American body type!
Hints to why people go get surgery and look weird after: they have skinny arms, skinny bird legs, a super flat stomach, and skinny everything, and then have a huge butt and hips bc people want to have what comes with ”thickeness” but still be skinny. Or why people are kicking out thousands a month to take Ozempic to be skinny. People want a butt and hips, not what comes with being thick, like the bullying, being called fat, having your legs rub together all day, having all your shorts roll up, etc.
She then went on to block me after saying this and told all our friends I downed her and her body goals. I’m being looked at as an asshole. Am I wrong, though? I’m tired of feeding into her toxic thinking when it comes to this. I’m also tired of being told I have it made all because she wants my body, when I’ve struggled with being overweight my whole life and only look good in people’s eyes when I’m 150-160. She eats whatever she wants while I’m restricting all my calories, yet I have it made? Lol, come on now.
submitted by Sagee007 to amiwrong [link] [comments]
The Problem: My girlfriend is obsessed with getting thick. She’s been trying since we met. She finally gained some weight and got a little thicker but recently lost it right back. This has been the case for her forever. She can never gain it or do but can’t maintain it, and there's nothing wrong health-wise. She texted me today saying she’s sloppy, ugly, hates her body, and is going to hate herself because of it. She does and says this a lot. I have spent the whole relationship reassuring her she looks good, has a bomb body, and that I love her body. I go the extra mile with sex, etc. every time.
She then sent me a video of her body. Literally, all the TikTok body transformation outcomes that go viral look like hers: she has a nice butt, toned strong legs, a strong core with slight abs, and some hips; everything else is skinny. So I recommended therapy to work on loving her body and not feeling the way she does about her body “because it’s best, as she may not ever reach her goal weight and maintain it all while being healthy mentally.” Well, all hell broke loose. She tells me I have the perfect body, that I’m a horrible girlfriend, and that I’m dumped because I downed her goals, discouraged her, and made her feel worse. She said it was my job to motivate her, not double down on her not reaching her goals. We then got into an argument because I got pissed. I asked her how the hell is me telling her to work on loving her body and consulting a professional about her extreme reactions to her body not motivating and downing her. She says I didn’t tell her what she needed to hear. I say I did, just not what she wanted to hear. I then reassured her I love her body and she’s beautiful. Nope. She then says if she says she hates something, me saying I love it is worse. She says everyone wants to be thick, and I have it made; I have the ideal body type. I lost it. I tell her most women want a bigger butt and hips, but no one really wants to be thicker (aka overweight) for real. And that skinny is the ideal American body type!
Hints to why people go get surgery and look weird after: they have skinny arms, skinny bird legs, a super flat stomach, and skinny everything, and then have a huge butt and hips bc people want to have what comes with ”thickeness” but still be skinny. Or why people are kicking out thousands a month to take Ozempic to be skinny. People want a butt and hips, not what comes with being thick, like the bullying, being called fat, having your legs rub together all day, having all your shorts roll up, etc.
She then went on to block me after saying this and told all our friends I downed her and her body goals. I’m being looked at as an asshole. Am I wrong, though? I’m tired of feeding into her toxic thinking when it comes to this. I’m also tired of being told I have it made all because she wants my body, when I’ve struggled with being overweight my whole life and only look good in people’s eyes when I’m 150-160. She eats whatever she wants while I’m restricting all my calories, yet I have it made? Lol, come on now.
2024.05.19 02:15 Agile-Psychology-453 I Told My Friends Ex That He Cheated
I (19F) am in college. Here is the necessary background information:
This past year I made friends with some people on the floor, one being Joey (18M). I also made friends with Christina (20F). School started mid August, and I had my first interaction with Joey around the 1st week of September. Me, Joey, and what are now 3 of our mutual friends (including his roommate), went into town and walked around. I would describe Joey as the defintion of a frat boy. Button up polo shirt, khaki shorts, and what people call the 'frat shag' (just a little longer). We however did not become genuine friends for months. In fact, there was one night me and my roommate held a party in our room, which was 2 weeks after we first met, and Joey mentioned having a girlfriend. I remember the girls at the party were confused because no one had seen a picture of her, nor had he ever talked about her up to this point. Me and my roommate brushed it off as some sort of weird joke, that was until the one football game where she came to visit for the weekend. I actually got to talk to her, Morgan (17F), that weekend, and she was very nice. But it was so clear to me that she was way more interested than he was. Morgan came up one more weekend that I'm aware of, but I did not see her, nor did Joey formally introduce her to any of us.
Flash forward to the beginning of November. Christina and Joey met at a tailgate, and started flirting. Our entire friend group were against this from the beginning because Joey still had a girlfriend. We went back to the dorms and continued to party, and I left to go out with a different group of friends. The following weekend, Christina and Joey continued to flirt with each other. One of our friends told Christina that joey had a girlfriend to which she said, "I don't care". But, nothing but flirting had happened.
I went home early for Thanksgiving, and the first night my intoxicated friend called me saying that Christina and Joey kissed, and there was nothing anyone could do to stop it. He went home for break, and continued to see the girlfriend, and a week after break she posted about their 3 years together which included a picture of them as kids with the caption, "I always had a crush on you."
I so badly wanted to tell her what he was doing, but ultimately, I spend almost all my time in proximity of Christina and Joey, and I never see Morgan. So, I didn't tell her.
Before winter break, joey told Christina he was going to break up with Morgan over winter break. And on New Years, Morgan posted a picture with Joey saying, "4th New Years together." I took a picture of this and sent it to Chrisitina. She was upset by it, but still didn't break things off with him. When we got back to school, the 2nd week back I went out with my friends, and Joey and his roommate were also going where we went. At this place, I saw joey flirting with a girl, and heard the girl ask him, "Do you have a girlfriend?" To which he responded, "No." Despite having 2. Safe to say, he didn't break up with Morgan over break.
In the middle of February, around Valentine's Day, Christina gave Joey an ultimatum: Break up with Morgan by Thursday or they were done. He broke up with her on Tuesday.
We all went on a spring break together, with a total of 7 of us, but it felt like there was only 5 of us. Christina and Joey spent the entire week pretty much isolating themselves from the group and having loud enough sex that it kept our 2 friends awake who were in the room above them.
Since Spring Break, I can’t say I saw much of them. They spent most of their time in his room, or at her apartment. But I myself did go out more and started seeing different friends more often. So, it makes sense we didn’t see much of each other.
For those wondering why Joey didn’t just break up with Morgan, I’ll tell you what he told me.
Morgan and joey’s families are family friends. Their parents have been friends since before they had children. Joey said that over Thanksgiving break he had broken up with Morgan, but his family forced him to get back with her. He also mentioned how he hoped Morgan would break up with him once he joined a frat, because she didn’t want him joining one. I had told him though he needs to make a choice, because it’s not fair, and that she had seemed more interested in him than he was in her.
Well, school had since ended for summer break. The other night I saw Morgan had posted a new guy on her story and I told my roommate about it, but she wanted to see. So I did the foolish thing of screenshotting the story, which resulted in Morgan texting me and I tried to lie saying I liked her bracelets, which she responded with, “You sure it isnt because your friend cheated on me and now I’m with someone else?” I responded with, “I’m sure. I’m actually really happy you found someone that will treat you right. I’m sorry for the part I played.” To which she said, “so he did cheat.” I then apolgized to her saying what Joey did was messed up, and she nor anyone else deserved to be treated that way.
And, sadly, it did not end there.
The next day she sent me a message asking what I meant when I said, “The part I played.” I explained that I knew what was going on, but made no effort to “improve the situation.” She asked if I knew what happened exactly, and I told her how I was mad that they had kissed before Thanksgiving and I was upset with them, so I don’t know the full story, which is the truth. But I also made her aware of the ultimatum Christina gave her right before they broke up. Morgan told me that he had borken up with her, but came back within 24 hours crying asking her to get back with him, and saying that some random girl had kissed him at a party, but he pushed her off, saying he had a girlfriend. Which was very different from the version I received from Joey when he said his family made him get back with her. I told her how he never mentioned that he had a girlfriend and had no photos of her in his room. To which Morgan said she was the one who printed out the photo of them and gave to him, that I never saw. I also told Morgan that Christina is a junior while we are freshman.
I also assured Morgan that she dodged a bullet, he’ll get his karma, and that she should never take him back because I don’t even trust him with Christina. Morgan thanked me for giving her the closure he never did, saying she wasn’t gonna break no contact with him and our conversation ended there.
Well, yesterday I received a text from Christina that said, “Hey, I’m gonna say this in the nicest way possible. I would really appreciate if you didn’t go to Joey’s ex about his and my business anymore. Because everything you tell her, she’s posting on social media. I didn’t tell you these things just so you could go and tell her everything I said. I came to you as a friend who needed advice and opinions thinking it would stay between you and I. Especially when she’s trying to make me look bad. I just think It’s not cool and pretty betraying as a friend. And I thought we were much closer than you and her were, but maybe I’m mistaken? I just think it’s really hurtful and embarrassing that you continue to tell my business to someone that doesn’t even know me. It’s nobody business but mine and Joey’s, and I clearly shouldn’t be asking for anyone’s opinions anymore.”
Now, I know I’m the asshole for betraying my friend, but I did not tell their secrets, truly. I didn’t give any details into their relationship, despite the fact that Joey had been cheating on Morgan with Christina since Thanksgiving, and that there was an ultimatum that led to the break up.
Joey texted me today asking what exactly I said to her, so I told him everything (minus the part where I said I didn’t trust him with Christina). To which he responded with, “I don’t think you understand how much you actually fucked both me and Christina.” As if it weren’t their own actions that brought them to this moment.
Whether or not they are my friends, they are cheaters. Joey cheated on his girlfriend of 3 years and lied to her about it, and then broke up with her via Snapchat. I know the part I played in this was 2-timing, but if they’re so ashamed of the consequences of their actions, maybe that should be a clue to them that their actions are shameful.
Am I in the wrong?
submitted by Agile-Psychology-453 to offmychest [link] [comments]
This past year I made friends with some people on the floor, one being Joey (18M). I also made friends with Christina (20F). School started mid August, and I had my first interaction with Joey around the 1st week of September. Me, Joey, and what are now 3 of our mutual friends (including his roommate), went into town and walked around. I would describe Joey as the defintion of a frat boy. Button up polo shirt, khaki shorts, and what people call the 'frat shag' (just a little longer). We however did not become genuine friends for months. In fact, there was one night me and my roommate held a party in our room, which was 2 weeks after we first met, and Joey mentioned having a girlfriend. I remember the girls at the party were confused because no one had seen a picture of her, nor had he ever talked about her up to this point. Me and my roommate brushed it off as some sort of weird joke, that was until the one football game where she came to visit for the weekend. I actually got to talk to her, Morgan (17F), that weekend, and she was very nice. But it was so clear to me that she was way more interested than he was. Morgan came up one more weekend that I'm aware of, but I did not see her, nor did Joey formally introduce her to any of us.
Flash forward to the beginning of November. Christina and Joey met at a tailgate, and started flirting. Our entire friend group were against this from the beginning because Joey still had a girlfriend. We went back to the dorms and continued to party, and I left to go out with a different group of friends. The following weekend, Christina and Joey continued to flirt with each other. One of our friends told Christina that joey had a girlfriend to which she said, "I don't care". But, nothing but flirting had happened.
I went home early for Thanksgiving, and the first night my intoxicated friend called me saying that Christina and Joey kissed, and there was nothing anyone could do to stop it. He went home for break, and continued to see the girlfriend, and a week after break she posted about their 3 years together which included a picture of them as kids with the caption, "I always had a crush on you."
I so badly wanted to tell her what he was doing, but ultimately, I spend almost all my time in proximity of Christina and Joey, and I never see Morgan. So, I didn't tell her.
Before winter break, joey told Christina he was going to break up with Morgan over winter break. And on New Years, Morgan posted a picture with Joey saying, "4th New Years together." I took a picture of this and sent it to Chrisitina. She was upset by it, but still didn't break things off with him. When we got back to school, the 2nd week back I went out with my friends, and Joey and his roommate were also going where we went. At this place, I saw joey flirting with a girl, and heard the girl ask him, "Do you have a girlfriend?" To which he responded, "No." Despite having 2. Safe to say, he didn't break up with Morgan over break.
In the middle of February, around Valentine's Day, Christina gave Joey an ultimatum: Break up with Morgan by Thursday or they were done. He broke up with her on Tuesday.
We all went on a spring break together, with a total of 7 of us, but it felt like there was only 5 of us. Christina and Joey spent the entire week pretty much isolating themselves from the group and having loud enough sex that it kept our 2 friends awake who were in the room above them.
Since Spring Break, I can’t say I saw much of them. They spent most of their time in his room, or at her apartment. But I myself did go out more and started seeing different friends more often. So, it makes sense we didn’t see much of each other.
For those wondering why Joey didn’t just break up with Morgan, I’ll tell you what he told me.
Morgan and joey’s families are family friends. Their parents have been friends since before they had children. Joey said that over Thanksgiving break he had broken up with Morgan, but his family forced him to get back with her. He also mentioned how he hoped Morgan would break up with him once he joined a frat, because she didn’t want him joining one. I had told him though he needs to make a choice, because it’s not fair, and that she had seemed more interested in him than he was in her.
Well, school had since ended for summer break. The other night I saw Morgan had posted a new guy on her story and I told my roommate about it, but she wanted to see. So I did the foolish thing of screenshotting the story, which resulted in Morgan texting me and I tried to lie saying I liked her bracelets, which she responded with, “You sure it isnt because your friend cheated on me and now I’m with someone else?” I responded with, “I’m sure. I’m actually really happy you found someone that will treat you right. I’m sorry for the part I played.” To which she said, “so he did cheat.” I then apolgized to her saying what Joey did was messed up, and she nor anyone else deserved to be treated that way.
And, sadly, it did not end there.
The next day she sent me a message asking what I meant when I said, “The part I played.” I explained that I knew what was going on, but made no effort to “improve the situation.” She asked if I knew what happened exactly, and I told her how I was mad that they had kissed before Thanksgiving and I was upset with them, so I don’t know the full story, which is the truth. But I also made her aware of the ultimatum Christina gave her right before they broke up. Morgan told me that he had borken up with her, but came back within 24 hours crying asking her to get back with him, and saying that some random girl had kissed him at a party, but he pushed her off, saying he had a girlfriend. Which was very different from the version I received from Joey when he said his family made him get back with her. I told her how he never mentioned that he had a girlfriend and had no photos of her in his room. To which Morgan said she was the one who printed out the photo of them and gave to him, that I never saw. I also told Morgan that Christina is a junior while we are freshman.
I also assured Morgan that she dodged a bullet, he’ll get his karma, and that she should never take him back because I don’t even trust him with Christina. Morgan thanked me for giving her the closure he never did, saying she wasn’t gonna break no contact with him and our conversation ended there.
Well, yesterday I received a text from Christina that said, “Hey, I’m gonna say this in the nicest way possible. I would really appreciate if you didn’t go to Joey’s ex about his and my business anymore. Because everything you tell her, she’s posting on social media. I didn’t tell you these things just so you could go and tell her everything I said. I came to you as a friend who needed advice and opinions thinking it would stay between you and I. Especially when she’s trying to make me look bad. I just think It’s not cool and pretty betraying as a friend. And I thought we were much closer than you and her were, but maybe I’m mistaken? I just think it’s really hurtful and embarrassing that you continue to tell my business to someone that doesn’t even know me. It’s nobody business but mine and Joey’s, and I clearly shouldn’t be asking for anyone’s opinions anymore.”
Now, I know I’m the asshole for betraying my friend, but I did not tell their secrets, truly. I didn’t give any details into their relationship, despite the fact that Joey had been cheating on Morgan with Christina since Thanksgiving, and that there was an ultimatum that led to the break up.
Joey texted me today asking what exactly I said to her, so I told him everything (minus the part where I said I didn’t trust him with Christina). To which he responded with, “I don’t think you understand how much you actually fucked both me and Christina.” As if it weren’t their own actions that brought them to this moment.
Whether or not they are my friends, they are cheaters. Joey cheated on his girlfriend of 3 years and lied to her about it, and then broke up with her via Snapchat. I know the part I played in this was 2-timing, but if they’re so ashamed of the consequences of their actions, maybe that should be a clue to them that their actions are shameful.
Am I in the wrong?
2024.05.19 01:52 throwawaydeathcup My bf got back together with me but I think he’s out of love
Compared to other tales in this community, this is just dumb. But I have no actual friends at this point (hahaha) just people I hang out with and no one besides my boyfriend to actually talk about stuff. I also refrain from talking about my relationship issues in general since the people around me frown upon my relationship greatly (he’s 42, I’m 20. I know it sounds creepy, but he’s really nice), so I always try to focus on the good side when I talk about him.
I fell in love with my boyfriend because he is an extremely loving, caring man. Very dedicated to spoiling me and making me feel good. He used to compliment me all the time about the smallest things nobody has ever noticed about me. Never took me for granted, always came up with ways to surprise me. It was very noticeable that he loved me and I also love him very much.
He is a musician who plays in bars. When we started dating, I’d stand and watch his band play the entire night and barely drink since I usually work in weekends. However, he told me nobody does that and I should start enjoying the bar like everyone else. So I started, slowly, having a beer or two and talking to more people.
That worked out nicely for a while, until he played in a specific day I didn’t have to work the next morning and I allowed myself to party a little harder.
I socialized , got way too drunk and fell asleep in a chair. No big fuck ups, in my opinion, considering some people do or say really shitty things when they get this drunk. But it was a big deal for him, for sure. Next morning he was super upset about the fact I barely watched the band, fell asleep mid set and was a pain in the ass to wake me up.
He was very, very, very upset. I also understand that he has had a relationship with an alcoholic in the past that really traumatized him, so me getting black out drunk wasn’t very cute and helpful.
We talked it through. I understood his side, sincerely apologized and promised it was a one time situation. We were broken up for 3 days, then we met up because I needed my charger back and the flame was still there. We had amazing sex and he asked me to be his girlfriend again, all I wanted.
However, since then he has been treating me very differently. First of all, he always reminds me of this incident. Every single time we go out he makes a bitter joke about it and it makes me feel like shit. He’s also been saying that his back has been hurting a lot so he rarely ever feels like sex. When we’re together, despite the issues above, he’s very nice but not as caring as he used to be. I always have to initiate cuddles, conversations or make the effort to see him. But the worst part of it all is that he’s barely texting me. He usually goes out at night around 9pm and I won’t hear anything from him until 5pm the next day. His texts are always very blunt and short. Like:
“How is your day so far?”
“Good”
“What are you doing tonight?”
“Going out”
This wouldn’t be terrible if he didn‘t get me used with paragraphs for a “good morning“ text.
This Monday I told him I would have quite a busy schedule, but we could see each other Saturday night. He agreed. Yesterday I texted him about one of his favorite bands (that I don’t even like) doing a free concert today and he left me on seen. I texted him in the morning, asking if we would go, because if yes I’d have to take a nice change of clothes to work to get there on time. Again, at 5pm, he texted me “I never heard about this concert, I have different plans”. I felt wrenched.
I think that this whole drunken incident hurt him more deeply than he’d like to admit. And to be completely honest, I understand I triggered him but it’s not like it was a recurrent or planned situation to make him suffer, so I dont think I deserve this kind of treatment. Maybe I should break up with him for good, because it feels like he doesn’t really want to be with me anymore but can’t say it. This hurts me a lot because I still love him a great deal, but I would rather be broken up than feeling like shit.
submitted by throwawaydeathcup to offmychest [link] [comments]
I fell in love with my boyfriend because he is an extremely loving, caring man. Very dedicated to spoiling me and making me feel good. He used to compliment me all the time about the smallest things nobody has ever noticed about me. Never took me for granted, always came up with ways to surprise me. It was very noticeable that he loved me and I also love him very much.
He is a musician who plays in bars. When we started dating, I’d stand and watch his band play the entire night and barely drink since I usually work in weekends. However, he told me nobody does that and I should start enjoying the bar like everyone else. So I started, slowly, having a beer or two and talking to more people.
That worked out nicely for a while, until he played in a specific day I didn’t have to work the next morning and I allowed myself to party a little harder.
I socialized , got way too drunk and fell asleep in a chair. No big fuck ups, in my opinion, considering some people do or say really shitty things when they get this drunk. But it was a big deal for him, for sure. Next morning he was super upset about the fact I barely watched the band, fell asleep mid set and was a pain in the ass to wake me up.
He was very, very, very upset. I also understand that he has had a relationship with an alcoholic in the past that really traumatized him, so me getting black out drunk wasn’t very cute and helpful.
We talked it through. I understood his side, sincerely apologized and promised it was a one time situation. We were broken up for 3 days, then we met up because I needed my charger back and the flame was still there. We had amazing sex and he asked me to be his girlfriend again, all I wanted.
However, since then he has been treating me very differently. First of all, he always reminds me of this incident. Every single time we go out he makes a bitter joke about it and it makes me feel like shit. He’s also been saying that his back has been hurting a lot so he rarely ever feels like sex. When we’re together, despite the issues above, he’s very nice but not as caring as he used to be. I always have to initiate cuddles, conversations or make the effort to see him. But the worst part of it all is that he’s barely texting me. He usually goes out at night around 9pm and I won’t hear anything from him until 5pm the next day. His texts are always very blunt and short. Like:
“How is your day so far?”
“Good”
“What are you doing tonight?”
“Going out”
This wouldn’t be terrible if he didn‘t get me used with paragraphs for a “good morning“ text.
This Monday I told him I would have quite a busy schedule, but we could see each other Saturday night. He agreed. Yesterday I texted him about one of his favorite bands (that I don’t even like) doing a free concert today and he left me on seen. I texted him in the morning, asking if we would go, because if yes I’d have to take a nice change of clothes to work to get there on time. Again, at 5pm, he texted me “I never heard about this concert, I have different plans”. I felt wrenched.
I think that this whole drunken incident hurt him more deeply than he’d like to admit. And to be completely honest, I understand I triggered him but it’s not like it was a recurrent or planned situation to make him suffer, so I dont think I deserve this kind of treatment. Maybe I should break up with him for good, because it feels like he doesn’t really want to be with me anymore but can’t say it. This hurts me a lot because I still love him a great deal, but I would rather be broken up than feeling like shit.
2024.05.19 01:40 whiteboischemin Should I leave my current GF?
If my current girlfriend continues to lie about things (5 months in) would you leave someone if they did this too you and why? I know there needs to be trust in a relationship but I feel as if she is destroying it very easily? Some of things she has lied about to me are, her ex (texting her at the start of the relationship) her body count (told me it was 9, admitted to me yesterday it was 13) and told me that she had never been made to orgasm during sex (found out tonight by her telling me herself that in fact she has) basically I know these things can be worked on and people can regain your trust but is it fair to say that with it still being early days is this a major red flag and I should get myself away from her? She does also suffer from Borderline personality disorder and the texts I found from her ex state that she is a compulsive liar and manipulative? I guess I’m starting to see that side of her. Appreciate any advice guys, thank you.
submitted by whiteboischemin to Advice [link] [comments]
2024.05.19 01:31 BennyIsValid AITA for telling my friend's girlfriend he flirts/talks with other girls?
So I (16M) have a friend (16M) who i’ve been friends with since seventh grade for reference we’re both about to be juniors in highschool. He’s had a girlfriend (16F) whos honestly such a sweet person and a good human he’s been dating since around December I think. Now this friend dosent exactly have much integrity and isn’t very down to earth but he’s still a good buddy of mine I just don’t let him influence me. Now even though he’s been dating this girl he still watches pXrn asks for girls snaps and flirts with other girls. Now i’ve known this since we hang out a lot usually with a few other buddy’s of mine and i’ve seen his behavior. one time in particular we were at the mall talking to this group of girls and he made a dig at me in front of them so I said “while this kid can’t talk he has a girlfriend” and he got really pissed at me and afterwards told me not to say that. I was honestly appalled and shocked he would say that (for reference this was only a few months after they had started dating so around February) now a few other things similar to this happened but I knew it wasn’t my place to tell his girlfriend and I figured he’d eventually stop but he didn’t. Now over the past few months me and his girlfriend have hung out in larger groups and have talked a bit and become pretty close friends but trust me when I say we’re strictly platonic I have another girl i’m talking to right now and am not Mr Steal Your Girl my parents raised me better than that. But last week I found out my friends been talking to a girl he met while camping once and I saw some of there saved in chats on snap and was really disappointed in him. I finally had enough of seeing him treat his girlfriend like this and talked to her last night about some of it. I’m not a total ass so I left out some things like how he still watches porn but told her some of the key events. Now too my surprise she already knew about some things but was really upset about others. She sent him a text last night asking if he ever got other girls snaps or flirted with other girls and we left it at that. This morning I woke up to a text from him asking if I was gonna be in school today because he needed to talk to me. I said probably not because i’ve been pretty sick the last few days so I said just tell me now and he was pissed. He was asking why the fXck would I tell his girlfriend about these things and honestly it was 6 in the morning I had just woken up and was pretty nervous since this dude is one of my best friends so I played dumb, I told him I didn’t really know what he was talking about and he seemed to sort of let it go but I can tell he’s still pissed in general. His girlfriend told me he denied everything but she knew he was lying and that I did the right thing by telling her and she’s pretty upset right now but i’m not even sure if I did the right thing and I really don’t wanna see me and my friend’s friendship end over this.
TLDR; I told my friends girlfriend he flirts/ talks with other girls and he is pissed at me
submitted by BennyIsValid to AITARelationship [link] [comments]
TLDR; I told my friends girlfriend he flirts/ talks with other girls and he is pissed at me
2024.05.19 00:33 SolidCompetitive2415 GF making me feel unheard, but I’m certain of her love. Am I being a fool or just over reacting?
I 21M don’t really know how to deal with this anymore. My girlfriend 20F whom I love very much, and who I’m sure loves me back just as much, have been together for quite some time. We have really good communication and try our best to understand each other. But there’s always been this one little thing in the our relationship that has been bothering me since the start. My girlfriend doesn’t really know how to listen to me. She would either be talking about herself 24/7, which mind you I love hearing about, but on some minor instances, when I go through something big, I would only get 2 or 3 texts of ‘it’ll be better’ and we will continue talking about her Macha and her favourite TV show. (We sometimes do long distance so we always update each other stuff) It’s incredibly hard for me to share something ing with her because I feel like she’s taking the bare minimum interest, and if I’m telling the story about oh how I crossed a bridge, she would listen to me half way and start talking about how hard it is to cross a bridge and proud she is of me crossing that bridge without even letting me finish what I was saying. This is just an example and I hope you get the concept. Initially, I would let this pass thinking that, we’re all learning, no one taught us proper communication and conversation skills but I have been becoming frustrated more frequently now. I have been very very open about this and I have probably discussed this 10 times, about how I feel unheard and not seen in this relationship. I feel like I’m not getting enough emotional support from her. It soemthing big happens to me, like a job offer etc, we would talk about it for 5 minutes of how she’s so proud and how hard it was to get the job and that’s that, she wouldn’t ask me where my job is, what it’s about, and we would start taking about her matcha yet again. I am really getting exhausted here now, I am not sure how to tackle this. The more I try to communicate this, the more I feel like I am telling her that ‘ what you talk about is less important ‘ than what I have I say. Which is defo not the case.
My question is, how did you deal with your partner in a similar situation, am I correct to assume that she needs to learn how to communicate better or am I being overly sensitive and asking too much of her?
Would appreciate any and all input. Cheers,
TL;DR Girlfriend is making me feel unheard, not sure how to tackle this.
submitted by SolidCompetitive2415 to OneY [link] [comments]
My question is, how did you deal with your partner in a similar situation, am I correct to assume that she needs to learn how to communicate better or am I being overly sensitive and asking too much of her?
Would appreciate any and all input. Cheers,
TL;DR Girlfriend is making me feel unheard, not sure how to tackle this.
2024.05.19 00:30 SolidCompetitive2415 Girlfriend (20f) makes me feel unheard, but I’m sure of her love for me. Am I being a fool? Or just overreacting
I 21M don’t really know how to deal with this anymore. My girlfriend 20F whom I love very much, and who I’m sure loves me back just as much, have been together for quite some time. We have really good communication and try our best to understand each other. But there’s always been this one little thing in the our relationship that has been bothering me since the start. My girlfriend doesn’t really know how to listen to me. She would either be talking about herself 24/7, which mind you I love hearing about, but on some minor instances, when I go through something big, I would only get 2 or 3 texts of ‘it’ll be better’ and we will continue talking about her Macha and her favourite TV show. (We sometimes do long distance so we always update each other stuff) It’s incredibly hard for me to share something ing with her because I feel like she’s taking the bare minimum interest, and if I’m telling the story about oh how I crossed a bridge, she would listen to me half way and start talking about how hard it is to cross a bridge and proud she is of me crossing that bridge without even letting me finish what I was saying. This is just an example and I hope you get the concept. Initially, I would let this pass thinking that, we’re all learning, no one taught us proper communication and conversation skills but I have been becoming frustrated more frequently now. I have been very very open about this and I have probably discussed this 10 times, about how I feel unheard and not seen in this relationship. I feel like I’m not getting enough emotional support from her. It soemthing big happens to me, like a job offer etc, we would talk about it for 5 minutes of how she’s so proud and how hard it was to get the job and that’s that, she wouldn’t ask me where my job is, what it’s about, and we would start taking about her matcha yet again. I am really getting exhausted here now, I am not sure how to tackle this. The more I try to communicate this, the more I feel like I am telling her that ‘ what you talk about is less important ‘ than what I have I say. Which is defo not the case.
My question is, how did you deal with your partner in a similar situation, am I correct to assume that she needs to learn how to communicate better or am I being overly sensitive and asking too much of her?
Would appreciate any and all input. Cheers,
TL;DR Girlfriend is making me feel unheard, not sure how to tackle this.
submitted by SolidCompetitive2415 to relationships [link] [comments]
My question is, how did you deal with your partner in a similar situation, am I correct to assume that she needs to learn how to communicate better or am I being overly sensitive and asking too much of her?
Would appreciate any and all input. Cheers,
TL;DR Girlfriend is making me feel unheard, not sure how to tackle this.