Jaw pain one side swollen lymph

M27 Height: 5"8 Weight:194lbs
Medications: clopidgrel and candesatan
I work as a Hospital porter and often walk a lot, up to 11 miles per shift. I woke on Thursday and got out of bed and noticed I couldn't bare weight on the right side of my right foot, doing so would cause a sharp squeezing pain. I limped to work and got through by walking on my heel.
If I make slight moments in my or move my foot I get a sharp Intense pain which doesn't subside until I put it back down or stop moving.
Now I've noticed all my toes are swollen on my right foot visually the foot looks fine no bruising or swelling elsewhere. I am getting tingling in my toes and pins and needles in the area of pain.

Trigger warning: medical stuff & the death process. I do not give permission for this to be on any other platform.
I met him on fb dating. We chatted for a while and then for 2 or 3 weeks did 2-4 hour phone calls every night. We met 2 days after Christmas, and were taken with each other. He swept me in his arms and crooned “can’t help falling in love” by Elvis in my ear while we danced. I was head over heels and remained that way for the 2.5 years we were together. He went to detox, it worked, and he stayed clean for 27 months. Hadn’t been sober that long since he was an early teen.
My boyfriend and I were “on a break” while I was in the psych ward, then a step down to find me temporary housing. I spent 2 months in the hospital. While I was in there he would call and tell me he was going to come rescue me, take me to the beach, how he needed me to get him through detox again, told me he loved me dozens of times. Then silence for a month, followed by texts during the hour “phone time” at the step down where we were allowed on our phones. He texted me Saturday night, told me he loved me, there was another girl, he’d always be there for me. I found out it was the last text he sent.
That night, the Saturday before I got out, he fell and they found hard drugs in his system (he was only a pot head & sober, but started drinking and whatever again the week I went in). He had gone back to hanging out with an old unsavory crowd.
I was upset on Sunday when I saw the texts and sent some angry responses. I got out Wednesday, didn’t hear from him and thought he was ghosting me. Found out after contacting his enmeshed mom on Thursday night that he had been on life support with irreversible brain damage among other things. They kept him on life support due to his checking the donor box on the drivers license form.
The family respected his and my relationship a lot and let me come visit the next day, then the next, then they let me be there for when life support was pulled Sunday. They couldn’t handle being in the room with him.
I saw the nurses come, open his eyelids, and watch his eyes not respond. He only jerked when there was pain applied but didn’t respond to anything else. They had him on versed and morphine and fentanyl and another one prior to removal of life support. I reattached his air tubes when they would fall out, wiped the saliva that he was soaked in, and wiped sweat off his face. Sat next to him in bed and held him, talked to him, all of it.
I was in the OR when they pulled life support and expected him to pass, to stop breathing on his own. He kept breathing and I laid down in the bed with my head on his chest next to him and told him I loved him over and over, sobbing over this gorgeous man for almost the whole 90 minutes. He kept breathing.
They took him out of the OR after 90 minutes as he no longer qualified for donor status. I couldn’t leave him though. He kept going through the night and the next. I spent a lot of time in the bed next to him, sucking secretions from his lungs with a tool they gave me and asking for pain medicine at the right intervals (they stopped the flow of pain meds and were only giving him pain meds as needed). He would exhibit pain symptoms, his jaw would clench so hard his teeth were jammed out of place and his tongue would get stuck between his teeth. Massaging his jaw would get it to calm a bit. His eyelids would open but his eyes were rolled back in his head. His chest and heart were visibly working so hard in his 160 lb 6 foot frame.
His older brother was in a major fight with him, and that first night he went though my BF’s phone and found other women he was talking to over the last 2 months. He used my bf’s phone to text-yell at me about staying with my bf, telling me he had found all this evidence that the bf was “cheating” on me, telling other women he loved them. Then got mad I wasn’t leaving his side. It hurt. I knew that he was dating, so not cheating, but to love so quickly? I was out of the bed for a few hours, angry, sad.. and that’s when he had the most tooth movement and pain. I felt immediately bad and wouldn’t leave him the rest of the time. Everyone called me the girlfriend and I was still the girlfriend. I was the one there who could help him. Drunk bf did some shitty things. Doesn’t mean I didn’t love every inch of that man and his amazing brain.
We stayed in the ICU for a day and then we were moved to a different floor. Every nurse, assistant, even the doctor that came to see him got shown pictures of the man he was, all dressed up as his favourite superhero for Halloween (he was the Spider-Man of his neighborhood for years).
The second room we were in Monday night was a holding floor, awaiting people going home or going to hospice. Getting the ICU clear. They were kind to us, until the night nurses came around. He was prescribed morphine as needed every 15 minutes but he clearly couldn’t ask for it. I pressed that call button as much as they would let me. He would squeeze my hand when he was in pain, I don’t know if that was an automatic response or not but that’s how I knew he was in pain. Still I laid by him in the hospital bed, trying to keep him calm.
After 51 hours, with only 2 15 -30 minute naps he allowed me to take, I desperately needed to get back to my house 2 hours away and get my medications. I’m a week out of the psych ward at this point and shaky as fuck. His parents both came to visit separately, and for a max of 10 minutes. They couldn’t handle what was going on.
The people in charge found room at the hospice and moved him there Tuesday afternoon. I made sure he was comfortable, kissed his head and hands and told him I loved him. I played a few of his favourite songs to let him sleep to and left to go back and get my meds.
Wednesday I slept in my own bed, took my meds and felt too woozy to go back and thought I’d take a day to make sure I could do more to help through the next week.
He passed Wednesday afternoon while his dad was sitting by him.
The last few weeks have been a numb blur. What was supposed to be me working to get a job and move from the temporary living space turned into trying to heal from everything. Cleaning the porn off his laptop & phone (both were given to his niece) His parents elected to get him cremated. I made them a Shutterfly book (while intensely applying for work so I don’t lose my temporary living space) with memories of him and it will be delivered this Friday, his birthday, along with the urn they ordered.
The 2 alcoholic sons both lived with their parents and my bf’s room is full of trinkets and books and things that he would do instead of working, instead of drinking.
Yesterday I held the box of his ashes in his room and played can’t help falling in love and other songs and swayed with him, crying. I showed his dad different treasures in his room and stories behind them. Some of his favourite books, and why. Showed him his son’s favourite boots and told him the story of how we found them and how they would change the whole way he walked. I discreetly took his sex toys out of his room so his family wouldn’t have to deal with them.
I hope a small part of him was comforted not being alone, being helped in the hospital. Knowing I’d take care of stuff.
My bf may not have considered me his boo anymore. He’s always going to be mine. I wasn’t ever able to erase the feeling that I wasn’t who he would have preferred by his side, but the girl he was with was an ex who had done some despicable things to the family. She was invited to see him for a short time before life support was pulled to say goodbye but wasn’t allowed any other time. All of this sent her from drinking a bottle of vodka a day to more, she couldn’t and still can’t keep it together. She’s even told me he told her how much I love him and how much he still loved me. She sent me selfies with presents he made for me that she was given. With duck face. That bitch.
All I kept and keep repeating in my head was all the times he said I love you to me the last few weeks of his life. The plans he made for us to go to the movies and cuddle. The plans to go on vacation.
I’m having trouble forgiving him, while still being in head over heels in love with him. I know I took on a lot of responsibility for keeping him sober that weren’t mine to feel.
Today I am drinking for the first time in a while. I wasn’t necessarily sober, just didn’t drink around him. I took Lunesta because I didn’t sleep last night.
Our relationship was so cocooned that I’ve lost a lot of my friends in the last while. I don’t know where to go, who to talk to about all this. He was my best friend, my cheerleader, my wailing wall.
That’s what’s going on. I’m lost without him. One of the last things he told me was how he admired me for my strength. I think I’m sapped.

1. Items a) Radios - I want to add handheld radios of different kind so we can talk within a mile, depends on type of radio. Like bofang have half a mile, anprc-152 have 1 to 2 miles inside jungle. b) Cammenga Compass or Garmin Fortrex for navigation. c) Option to remove Compass tape on the top. Immersion killer. d) Add android kit on the chest on the platcarrier, to check mission, map like "Ready or Not". d) Add Cr123 battery for active hearing headsets & for upcoming NVGs & flashlights. e) A pice of color cloth for faction identification, only one fixed cloud for a fraction. Like used in Ukraine. f) Ammo Box for inventory system back at base. d) Armory or ready room at base.
   
2. Animation - a) Low & High ready. b) Animation gor mag reloading & time added to do it. Not like just click of a button. c) animation of weapon sector switch. d) Animation for bandaging leg. e) Tapping on shoulder for tactical stuff. f) adding animation for attaching with the chopper seating bench with carabiner. g) animation to visual check the rifle on both sides.
   
3. AI a) One shot in head kill with any ammo if no helmet. If helmet than 9mm & shotgun shells have no impact. b) AI take cover. c) If hit it on leg,AI needs to fell down on the ground, no standing like Superman. d) After hit, thier accuracy will go down fast because of the pain.
   
4. Ballestic a) Level 3 Metal plates -No bullet penetration by 9mm, 45cal, 5.56 - except M855A1 and heavier rounds. b) Level 3 ceramic plates - 5.56 bullets start penetration after 4 to 5 rounds. c) Head shot kill by any ammo. d) Can shoot through normal glass. Right now even through simple window glass hard to shoot AI.
   
5. Travel. a) Add fastrope for choppers. b) Add offroad bikes for transport.
   
6. Medical a) Add morphine auto injector for pain b) Add epi pen for heart rate. c) Chest Seal for lung punctured or injury. d) Quick Clot.
   
   1. Time added a) For reloading mags from ammo

I told myself I will stop talking about this, but I am so miserable. I started therapy, but it doesn't help yet. He kept texting me, sometimes nice, sometimes mean, sometimes telling me I will end up with a fat truck driver. After a few good days without contact, he texted me a very painful message, that made me cry for hours. He said my life is boring, that I never travel anywhere because I got no money, that all women want to date someone in his profession and of course I chickened out because his career made my life even sadder and empty. I ignored. Then, after 10 minutes or so, wrote me that he has a layover for one night in the city and he can fck my brains out and that will make up for everything.
I didn't answer, but I spent my night crying because I do feel my life is more boring than his and just sad in general because I have so many emotional and a bit of financial issues. And finally yesterday he texted me a very long message in which he said he apologise for everything he said and done. He said we don't have to meet, or talk, or anything, just he wants me to know he is sorry.
Of course I will not forgive him but I think I have some feelings for him, otherwise he would have been blocked. I do feel lesser than him due to his social status (although a friend told me a lot of his great status is in my head, that if I wanted to learn how to fly a plane, with hard work and determination, I would). It just that I am a total mess
My original post:
I am 26 and work in a airport coffee shop. I started sleeping with a guy who is an airline pilot. He is 32. I also found the job so cool since I was a kid. He is good looking too, so many reasons to give it a try, although I am not into hook up culture. We did it once, then it happened again after like 3 weeks later. At that point he asked me for my number, so we could be in touch. I was happy. It's been already 4 months that we see each other when he can. Usually when he is off it is for a few days.
I am sure I am not a side chick, because last time we met, he also put a photo of us on social media.
I was not sure I want a relationship, so I was fine with the fact we see each other very rare. I recently broke up and I enjoy not being with someone in a serious way. He made me feel good. He is funny and intelligent too. Lately though he has been different. At first he made me feel bad for working in an airport coffee shop, like it's a not a good enough job. Then, he also raised his voice at me for waking him up by accident. I went to bathroom and the door woke him up.
And 2 days ago he slapped me. Very bad. I fell to the floor. We had a fight about the way he treats me and how he looks down on me for not having a better job, not being ambitious enough. I am not the kind of person to tolerate such things and I called him an arrogant a$$hole. He hit me, walked out of my apartment and after 3 hours he texted me to apologise. He said he was tired, he had a very long flight, stressed. I told him I cannot forgive him and I will stop seeing him. He said fine, that he understands this but he wants to talk to me tomorrow, after I am done with my shift.
NO, I did not go with him, we didn't meet at all since that slap (that was just the post)

Asking from Hong Kong. I am currently 17 turning 18 in a month. I am ~173cm tall and weigh around 65kg. I've been constantly dealing with a swollen lymph node on the left side of my neck. It is movable and feels tender, just a little bit smaller than a grape. It has been there for around 8~10 years and it has never caused me any trouble (no symptoms whatsoever) nor has it grown in size, until sometimes now I feel a pulsating pain around that area (even though it's not too painful just about a 2/10 pain). My mother has also been diagnosed with stage 3 breast cancer recently and that even made me more anxious over my concerns, knowing that we are mentally, physically, and financially struggling. I am not sure whether I should get a check on it or not. Thanks in advance!

Borrowed Time not to be Paid Back.
It is sometime in the heat of Texas of 1998 and I find myself being asked by my mom if I own any guns or specifically a shotgun. She also asked if I knew how to make home made pipe bombs. Of course, I said No.
Why was I being asked this- well here is what lead up to that moment in my confused hormone infused age of 16. Not fitting in with the crowd and not getting the attention by the opposite gender… dampened by daily outlook on what was my short stint of the HS Years. One could say I was the Charlie Brown cartoon that had all the dirt around him... I was grungy to say the least. I played the part well which in turn became who I was… which I regretted many years ago into y adulthood. (Bill Collectors just called me at 1240pm cst) I so hoped for that somehow… some way… a girl which I had a huge crush would notice me but this led to more self-induced let downs. How could I let such a woman, let alone a crowd that wouldn’t accept me get away with it… I manifested the hate, the embarrassment of wanting to fit in, the depression from the ingredients of a cliché family…to become vengeance. Yes, I wanted to kill myself many of times but my hormones and desire to have sex … kind of saved me. Sadly, I wish it was another topic that saved me but for now... ill leave it at that…sex. So, prior to this… I was seeing a psychiatrist and school psychologist ( did attend a special HS for students with Anger issues/depression or just plain psycho ) which had me take an array of medicines and such. All these pills did not help because the help I sought was the acceptance of the crowd I wish to belong apart of. So here I am… I had a teacher try to reach out to me on an emotional level to try and help me up so to say but all I could so is… think how I could Kil every student who was apart of the crowd, kill every teacher I found to be close to the crowd, and even teachers who I viewed as disowning of their own race (stupid and immature- this I know, but I was young and full of testosterone). Id write down plans on how to squeeze everyone running out of the same exits, so I could aim for the middle. Id come up with plans to blow and set fire to the sides exits as to force all to exit the building in one area... I had so many ideas and blueprints that it became my obsession. Long Story short- I want to fit in… I don’t fit in. I need help but I forced myself to believe my own medicine. On a Wed, I stated to a teacher, Fuck Off, you all will dead by Friday and I’m going to shoot all of you all & blow this school to hell. I probably didn’t say it like that but yeah… close enough. I got escorted out by the School Cop and sent home. School calls my mom and then I asked The Questions. I did tell my psychiatrist at the time but when I recall him writing more down on his notepad... I back tracked and said it was all a dream I had been having caused by the meds.
Its 2024- Columbine is the past which still shows its face yearly and all I can think... it all started with two teenagers who probably just wanted to fit in and have sex.
I am now 43 , on the verge of loosing my House, On the verge on getting Fired from my Career, Divorced for 5 years, wanting to kill myself but can’t being I will not be the cause of my mom’s heart attack which she would have- Another Story, and literally living on 50 dollars every two weeks.
Swing Set-
43yo and how the hell did I get here. Was it sleeping in the hallways of hotels and motels as my dad had affairs and didn’t want me to know ( id travel with my dad for his job in hopes of getting some bonding and love, I was around 7yo ) … was it my stuttering in elementary, was it when I punched a kid with a pacemaker in the 1st grade which had me paddled by a principle in heels ? was it my disgraceful pushing of my first GF to have 2 abortions when I was 17? Was it that I used zip lock bags for condoms when I thought you had to be 18 to buy them? OR was it that I left a loving church when I was 17, listed my anxiety panic attacks more than the love of my mother, dove headfirst into the pool of music sex drugs lust and life only to find out the pool I jumped into had no water and just became more ingredient of what my life would become…. FUCKED UP. The only thing that kept the shakes of Life at bay, was my only sweet candy 1mg Ativan! Surprised I didn’t abuse it!!! This I can assure you… I took it once or twice a day ( bad times that happen ) and now I just got off of it. SUCKS. I was on it since the aged of 20 to now… 43. I am trying to live in the moment and I tell myself… smile.. enjoy the moment….for tomorrow you may be dead or coming face to face with God. All that matters is the love for my mom and doing what I can to feel “okay” with God. I cant take a credit score, house, car, or paycheck to hell, heaven, or whatever is on the other side but I am positive its hell or heaven. Man I miss being a good Christian when I was a child. Yeah it was easier… no responsibilities…just being a kid ( still in a bad childhood ) finding comfort in a church and feeling loved. The problem also for me is this… when I am told not to do something.. I tke great joy in do those things. Don’t press the red button…. Well im going to press it and jackoff… and do it with a smile. Now… nothing is taboo anymore.. Nothing!!!! People are free to be what they want… So if you cant fit in… become what you want… which is damning. Many things need to be left taboo to let others such as myself take joy in doing things when told not to. Sensitive people ruining the days and nights… claiming to want freedom but all they do is make restrictions by their own desire and lack of others needs. YOU cannot savor the taste of freedom without some laws/restrictions. Even our own bodies have restrictions, without guidance, you have chaos and death. Where is the true pleasure in that. And will society admit, us as humans, we stereotype from the get-go, its our only way to perceive what’s out there and sometimes new. Safe or Dangerous, Good or bad. Its for the other side to help transform the initial stereotype or the leave it as is. We damn ourselves or we can pave the way for ourselves to better us. BTW… Porn was better when it was rainbow colored leaving us to view it sideways which enhanced our imagination. I am not talking about the alphabet group rainbow but… porn … when you had to view it on 99 and it was blurry as hell! Nothing is taboo! Depression Anxiety comes from our bodies which is always trying to adapt and push the envelope but becomes a chaos of a mess when parenting is has done all but the things it was supposed to do… to make a healthy child become an adult.
Am I an Adult- I pay my needed bills on time, but I am boke and losing my house/calife.
I feed myself but I am fat and over eat to kill the dark pains of life.
I go to work but wear a costume of having it together.
I am tough but inside I am weaker than an egg with a broken shell.
I love but love as child does… full heartedly and naïve.
I am now looking for hourly jobs in other states… telling myself... if shit hits the fan… I can just run away… live in a hooker motel and just breathe. Truth is…. I am only alive so if my mom is alive…. Unless God touches me one more time. I go to church here and there but I when I cry… I yawn and feel guilty. I do not want to go to church only when I need help… and how will I find a Christian woman that can deal with my fetishes unless gods touches me…let alone deal with a financial mess of a fat man that I am. I am a child stuck in an old man’s body. I am a so disillusioned that I use “ I “ way too much and offend others that are sensitive daily. Its not that I am sarcastic but come on.. we all hurt. BTW… I so Dislike the IRS! Welp… here I am.. writing on borrowed time not to be paid back… I did once had a rattle snake wrap around my led in a California orange orchid… didn’t bite me… and I was pissing too when the snake wrapped around my ankle. I also did have sex with a woman in which after, I jumped out her apartment window, ran across some field, jumped on a train and took off. I do like the song.. never marry a railroad man by shocking blue. Ill end with this… God if your reading this. HELP ME PLEASE! If not… let me see my daughters in heaven before you send me down to hell… and also let me hug my mom on last time.. even if she does not recognize me… I know shell be going upstairs… not certain about me right now though. Im just a lost child pretending to be a normal adult. I was not meant to be flooded with so many choices in life.. I would have been good with yes or no, left or right, a or b, and only seeing the primary colors… not the many shades of life!
We're the artist of our own lives, no one else! Every waking moment is a new clean blank canvas. If today is dark dull painful and full of history, well the next waking canvas morning, use brighter colors! We, you ... decide what colors to use and what to paint. We choose to be happy cause it is a choice but a tough one. Life is too short to live man's time. Live by your own paints, your own clock, and your beat!
https://preview.redd.it/ilnukfbjel5d1.jpg?width=4000&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=74961df2fe2ed3360a0f8a370302276c3c76e032

Hi all! So i’m currently 11 days post op and being the anxious person I am, I was thinking that i’m sure there’s many other who were thinking the same things as I and wanted to offer a post as to what to expect and do’s and don’ts that I learned through my experience.
Leading up to the procedure for me it didn’t really set in until I was sat in the chair 😂. If you are an anxious person and are able to choose to do IV Sedation I would go that route. It was honestly amazing they did the IV super quick and start with an anxiety reliever and then boom I was OUT literally within seconds. Felt nothing and woke up. Now don’t let this next part scare you but I was very nauseous when I woke up and threw up about 3-4 times (keep in mind this was the first time i went under and it’s totally normal to throw up after first time going under anesthesia!). They will prescribe you strong antibiotics and some sort of strong medication for the pain, TAKE YOUR MEDICATIONS ON TIME!! I cannot stress this enough take your meds on time it’s the best way to keep the pain at bay and allow the antibiotics to work how they should.
Days 0-5 (0=surgery day) is when I experienced the most pain, discomfort, and swelling. I was lucky enough to not have that much swelling or bruising, however if you get it don’t worry it’s very normal! My surgeon office told me To leave the extraction areas alone till day 7, I was able to brush my front/middle teeth but was told to stay away from the back teeth near the sites. (Every office is different and will give you different post op instructions so just follow those!)
Day 6-11 is when I personally started to feel better. I switched from the pain meds they prescribed me to advil liquid gels because I personally didn’t want keep depending on the harder meds. I was able to talk more and actually open my mouth a little more. If you experience jaw soreness and stiffness I would recommend to do jaw exercises Starting day 6 or 7, opening your mouth as wide as possible and hold for ten second, then close your mouth for ten seconds, then move your jaw to the left for ten seconds then repeat to the right side. You should only really do this a couple times throughout the day, it will feel weird and uncomfortable but the best way to get mouth feeling back to normal is to work through that discomfort, but don’t push yourself to hard, you know your limits. On day 7 I was cleared to return to normal diet habits with staying away from crunchier foods and candy. As well as to start using the syringe. If your office doesn’t provide a syringe buy on off amazon they are super cheap and it’s really good to clean out the holes, you just fill a cup with warm water and salt, mix that till the salt dissolves then pull back your cheek and stick the tip of the cured needle end at the top of the surgical hole and slowly flush the bottom holes out. I was told to only do the bottom sockets because food doesn’t really get stuck in your upper hole because gravity with pull it down but I flush each socket 2-3 times in the morning, after each meal, and at night before bed, I will lightly swish some of the water to reach my top sockets just so they are also getting some cleanliness.
Now for food, not being able to eat the food I wanted was probably worse than the pain itself lol. I’ve ate mashed potatoes, applesauce, pudding, soup that were not chunky, blended oatmeal, ice cream and lots of protein shakes and water. I stopped eating those foods around day 7/8 and started to incorporate things like pasta, oatmeal, mashed bananas, and eggs. It’s now day 11 and I’m going to try eating with my back teeth. My office told me that going back to eating solid food is going to be up to you and your comfort level and your teeth pain level. I saw a lot of people recommending to slowly transitioning into softer food, instead of just going full fledge and on your normal diet, which is what I’m doing as well. I also see lots of people who are already back to the normal diet eating things but pizza and burgers and sandwiches and I really just think it’s my anxiety making me think of the worst possible outcome but again you know your body and do whatever feels right to you.
I really hope this helps anyone who is nervous or just doesn’t know what to expect. This was my personal experience, everyone heals differently and reacts to pain differently, but just take this time to rest watch your favorite shows, read your favorite book, and just do nothing. If you have any questions i’d be more than happy to do my best and answer!!

Hi all
My throat hurt when I swallow on one side? Very painful and also had headaches all day yesterday.
I m by myself with a toodler and a 10 weeks old baby.
All medical centres/gp are closed due to the public holiday. Any tips how I can seek medical advise without dragging the kids to ER
Hopefully it’s not contagious and will no transmit it to the kids 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️
Thank you all

My husband is now having trouble getting tests ordered and scheduled for possible lymphoma. He has many symptoms that are severely limiting his ability to work or do anything else - multiple swollen nodes, severe fatigue, night sweats, left abdominal pain, loss of appetite, pain in armpits/across chest/along the side of his neck/back of lower skull. It’s been six months and the symptoms have only increased in intensity. Do you find that having a support person in the room helps convey a more urgent need for follow-ups and testing? Have any of you opted to private pay for scans due to wait times?

I was checking some stuff I never saw in WoD, and one of them, that really surprised me, was Demon the Fallen. If playing Hunter is alike playing the winchesters of Supernatural, playing Fallen is like playing Castiel ou Crowley. So Im sharing what I understood and what I liked.
The lore
There was a God, he created angels, to help him create and maintain reality, each angel was part of a house (a group) and each one had a purpose like: - Enforce God`s laws - Built and Shape land so things could live on earth - Create and shape life and animals - Inpire Humans - Control Fate - Renew the old and useless, decomposing stuff to its basic ingredients and returning it to earth so new stuff could be made.
and more. At the beggining humans were immortal, everything was beautiful and working. God is very much like The God Emperor Of Manking of 40k, since he has absolute power, but makes some very questionable decisions. Some of them, like removing immortality of humans as punishment, that caused things like angels of renew becoming angels of death and hating their jobs, caused a rebellion lidered by lucifer (treat him like cayne from VtM, ignore what the book says, dont make him a living character on your campaign, make him a mystery).
So God punished them, by doing something, or better nothing (the house that was the most proud and enforced gods laws were punished with nothing, he just changed the house name to Devils and ignored them, what was ironic as fuck since the most proud house wasnt even worth a punishmentl) and sent them to the Abyss, its like hell, there is no humans, there is constant suffering and I think its also like a sensory depravation chamber.
But shit happens, and some can get out, but they need a host to exist on earth. If they take a human, their sould meld to various degrees, to a person simply gaining powers and having nightmares of hell, to them having the fallen voice on his head, to it basically being the fallen with human memories.
The human soul is necessary to contain the madness of being so much time in hell, otherwise their sorrow pain and rage would bring them to madness, trying to inflict so much pain as they felt or something like that. The human memories helps them to see how reality is beautful and to anchor them to something that isnt CONSTANT SUFFERING.
Demons that go into objects are called earthbound and go crazy, trying to destroy the world and control the angels by trying to find their true name. But thats not the only treat, God isnt here anymore, or at least doesnt want to be found, neither is lucifer (lucifer was never in hell, for being the leader, he was sent to somewhere far worse, some say los angeles).
And there are fallen trying to take the place of god, some trying to find lucifer, some trying to destroy the world, since without someone to take care of it, its fated to demise, some want forgiveness from God at any means, and some just want to know WHAT DA FUK IS GOING ON.
You can do whatever you want, even embracing your human life and at least trying to live as a human. You will at the very least always be trying to fight back the torment, the memories of hell that drive you to do bad stuff, and may cause your powers to get corrupted, causing damage instead of healing or destroying and corrupting things around.
So I said you get powers, what powers are those ? besides the common ones, humanity (universal translation, getting truth out of everyone near, change their perception of you) and fundament (manipulation of the laws of physics, like manipulate gravity, innertia (throw things fast or stop bullets in mid air)) they have their own group of powers (lore) based on their houses, for example the slayers (death angels) have lores to cause death and decay (Lore of Death), summon control and unkill people (lore of spirits), go to the spirit world become intangible (Lore of Realms).
Some that I like personally is the lore of portals, that allows the fun mechanic of going through a doowindow and exiting something unconnected, like entenring from the front door of a house, and exiting in the bathroom, enter a police car and ending on the back of your friends car, entering any door in a corner and ending in vegas.
But what do you need to use them ? Is it free ? Eeeeh, no. It requires Faith, a part of divine sparkle, that comes from the human soul. You dont have it nor can generate it in your own, you used to receive infinite amounts of it from God, but now you need to receive it from humans.
You may get from them when you convince them you are supernatural (its hard then you think, just showing off powers may cause violent reactions on observers), rituals forming a cult, or getting thralls (people that pray to you and give you constant faith every morning, - for example, you start small, like being a miracle healer, that every time it meets a certain burnt victim, you use the Lore of Flesh to undo a little of the scars, it progresses more and more, until you reach the point where the person is ready for a contract, you say the last and biggest step will need a price, it will forever bind them together, by body and mind, you will never be able to meet in person again (you can do it to protect her if you want) and you can ask something like praying to you every morning while drinking a glass of water, if she ever fails the contract is broken and she becomes like she was in the beggining). You can do it in a wholesome way, or be a demon and help a model who wants to keep her looks and require her to make sacrifices to you.
You dont just use faith to activate your lores, but use it for stuff like NOT GETTING OLDER, the aging process is halted while you have at least one point of faith. The ammount of good or bad stuff adds ticks to a Torment counter, that will add or remove Permanent Torment from your character. Having higher torment, makes so the chance of your powers being corrupted is higher, and sometimes you will want to use the tormented version of skills on purpose (you can just do it, but it will add 1 temporary torment to your character), in case you need it. Like you are on a battle, and is an angel of healing, and you just need to convert healing into damaging otherwise you cant really damage stuff.
Fallen can communicate between themselves and between their tralls from anywhere in the same plane, if they know their names and can speak out loud. Actually everything needs speaking, if you cant you cannot use your lores.
True names are kinda of a big part of this as well, that is the name that everything has, and encompasses everything that thing is. By knowing somethings true name you can basically control it at will, making it a slave or even transforming it into another thing. There may be indirect investigatory battles, where two sides try to investigate one another, trying to get hints of personality to try to discover who the fallen is and their true name, before the other does.
In summary, I think its a very fun book, a very fun rpg, it has its own flavor and challenges and I would love for more people to know it. Im kinda anxious on V5, if we ever get a demon book I would love to have at least of some of this flavor back. I feel its like playing a mage, but with more purpose, where you need to interact more with the world to gain something from it, by either helping people and having a cult, or doing devilish faustian deals with people to get their faith.
*Dont know where to put it, but there is also apocaliptic form, you for a short time burns through faith like crazy and become a reflex of your divine form, its almost immune to anything, is either angelic or devilish looking depending of your torment, and will make people around go crazy in awe or terror depending of it.

Hi all,
I’ve searched this sub (and all subs, to the ends of the earth!) regarding left sided chest pain with clear testing.
I know many of us have this pain AND tachycardia and palpitations, which of course tends to make one feel it must be an issue with the heart. But now we all know that this crap is mainly neurological, even the heart rhythm and rate issues.
Anyway, the chest pain. Who still has it years later? Anything helping?
Has anyone had the theory of it being nerve pain proven? I hate that you can’t see nerve issues in the chest (my neuro said it’s nearly possible to diagnose there) and costochondritis is invisible too. Many of us don’t have traditional Costo symptoms though (doesn’t hurt when you touch the area or when holding weight for the most part).
Mine began after the booster and was crushing for around 7 months, then slowly seemed to become more bone level or just under the skin. I was dx with pericarditis but it was never seen on imaging. Colchicine made me feel 1000x worse so only took it two weeks.
The one thing to help has been massage, particularly pinch rolling from a physical therapist. The backpod and doorway stretches seem to help to some degree. For the most part though, the pain is entirely random and can’t be replicated. Every once in a while I’ll move in a certain way that will activate the pain, which gives me hope that it’s not cardiac but chest wall or nerves. It’s still hard to truly believe.
My pain is just left of my sternum, nipple level, and also sometimes on my left side 3 inches or so under my armpit.
5 echocardiograms showed nothing 4 chest X-rays showed nothing EKGs unremarkable except in the beginning ning when I kept going into SVT, and benign PACs Chest MRI showed nothing Shoulder MRI showed trace fluid, suggesting shoulder bursitis (didn’t get MRIs until two years after the injury) Stress test showed nothing Dysautonomia testing showed mild and patchy SFN in my legs. Tilt table wasn’t as extreme as expected, though I do typically rise 20-30bmp when standing.

Hi. Lol. I was bent down today putting stickers on my kayak, stood up, walked to the other side. Noticed some lower back pain, and hobbled inside to lay down. Now I'm laying on the floor. Everytime I try to stand up, my back hurts. If I put weight on my legs, it sears through my pelvis and lower back. I've never experienced pain like this before and it's concerning considering I have to stand for 5 hours at work tomorrow when I can't even roll to one side let alone get off the floor. (28F) Can't think of another reddit thread where this could go, if you have suggestions, lmk.

Hello everyone,
So on Friday June 7 I went to go get my helix pierced but it was not pierced like straight, it was pierced kind of slanted so it’s like lower in the back and higher in the front so it doesn’t look completely parallel to the on I already have. I know that in these situations I can get it re pierced and it’s either free of charge or will be charged less however my issue is that my piercer already re pierced my surface tragus since he didn’t pierce deeply enough.
Backstory:
Roughly two months ago I got my surface tragus pierced on both sides and I loved it, however like two or three days later I noticed that one side was sticking out more than the other so that meant that it was not pierced deep enough. I consulted with a couple of piercers because he went on vacation for a couple of weeks and they all said I should take it out and wait for it to heal. When I went to my piercers piercing shop I asked the other piercer working there to take them out and she did. I also texted him about my issue and he said that he would do re pierce me in a couple of weeks so I can wait for them to heal free of charge.
Fast forward to Friday he re pierced them and they look great ! No sticking out of anything and I’m genuinely happy for this. However I also decided to get my helix pierced ( I already had one I just wanted to have a double helix ) and he marked it and everything and when I got home and started to clean it with the saline spray I noticed that the back was slanted further down than the front so it’s not parallel to my old helix. The front looks fine but the back is what is bothering me because I worry that when I try to put a hoop ( I know I have to wait like a year before changing it to a hoop ) that it will look wonky. I hope it may just be that it’s swollen and that’s why it’s slanted but I’m not sure. I might wait a couple of days to see what happens but in the case that it’s not because it’s swollen, should I ask him about it ? However I feel like because he already pierced me free of charge I might sound demanding ??? I’m not sure because on one hand I love getting my ear pierced and save up for that on the other hand $30 is like 2.5 hours of work for me which I would not mind if my job wasn’t so physically draining.
So basically how do I ask him again to fix the piercing without sounding rude or like if I am very demanding and that it needs to be perfect but also it is on my body and I would like things to look good since I do think about it a lot and it is bothering me.
Important information:
He’s been piercing for roughly 25 years. He’s had many apprentices that pierce to this day at professional piercing studios. He is switching from standard jewelry to only titanium which I think is great ! He always answers any questions I have about any of my piercings and genuinely loves what he does. I was pierced with standard jewelry since the change will not happen until like August or something like that.
Sorry for the long post ! Thank you !

I’ve really fucked up. Beyond measure.
For context on my marriage, we (25f and 34m) have been together for 7 years. Our relationship started off with infidelity from him, i’ve mostly gotten over it. We have two children, our youngest is 2. During my pregnancy, we had a physical fight where I was pushed down to the ground, he shattered my phone then held my face down in the broken glass, cutting the side of my face significantly. He then threw me out of the house and I had to stay in a woman’s shelter during covid, a week away from my due date. When I had my daughter, we decided that I should be a stay at home mom. Because of this, I have become completely financially dependent on him. I dont have access to our bank accounts, my phone, car and home is under his name. He also travels for work and is gone for 8-9 months out of the year, leaving me alone to raise our children. There have been multiple physical fights from then but that was the first one. It usually entails him not allowing me to leave the room I’m in, getting mad when I’m afraid and bodyslamming me, driving his knee into my body, pinning my body down with his entire weight with his knee in my chest then kicking me out of my home. We had a physical fight in July of last year and I decided I was done and needed to save myself and my children. In August, I met someone online. I hate myself for having an affair. I really was just so broken, insecure and scared that I went with it because it was nice to not feel those things. We decided to meet up and I was sexually assaulted. I know how this sounds but it was my fault. Over the phone/computer, I led him on that I was interested. However, when in physical proximity with this person, I realized that I had made a grave mistake. He came onto me pretty strong and i told him that I didnt want to have sex and changed my mind. I told him no multiple times as he tried to undress me. I told him that I was uncomfortable and that I didnt want to have sex. He told me that it was okay and we liked each other and this was what’s supposed to happen. I fought him all the way up to penetration, i asked him to stop again, said he was hurting me but he proceeded anyway. I stopped fighting because I was afraid that it would be a more brutal encounter if I continued to fight. I held on to the little bit of control that I felt like I had. After this interaction, I asked him to leave. He became really agitated and began to threaten to tell my husband about my affair . I had a significant breakdown and told my husband part of the truth because I was genuinely afraid of being homeless or hurt. After the assault, I clinged to my husband even harder. He’s abusive but felt safer because he’s familiar. Last week, I had enough of holding what happened and told my husband everything. His reaction was worse than I could’ve ever even imagined. I dont know that the things he’s said to me will ever not hurt deeply. Everything from he doesnt blame the guy, he blames me fully to I’m gross and forever tainted in his eyes. I tried to kill myself Sunday night and the police came. I decided to make a police report about the sexual assault when they came for a wellness check. However, this guy has finally left me alone and I decided to not press charges because of how fragile my mental health was. I wasnt taken because I told them that I was cutting myself to just feel relief but not suicidal. For a day or two after the initial shock, my husband seemed like he could forgive me. On day 3, it was the scariest fight we ever had. He choked me multiple times and told me that he really thought he was capable of killing me. Still very suicidal, he took me to my mom’s apartment (who wasnt home), called me to tell me it was over and he wanted a divorce then turned my phone off. Im convinced that he wanted me to kill myself and not be able to call for help.
He left for a 5 week work trip. I am not doing okay, I made a huge mistake that resulted in me getting hurt and hurting him. I hate myself in a real way, I want to be out of my body so badly. Im genuinely in so much pain. I need to know if there is hope for my marriage. I want to save it if we can both commit to change. At first I felt like this would be a catalyst for the abuse to end but am now afraid that it will get worse. Please someone help me.

Hi everyone, this is sort of long-winded but I hope it makes sense. I'm 5'6" and 155lbs, and I don't drink or smoke anything.
My (F23) health issues started in late December of 2022. I started struggling with fatigue and my skin began to itch, all over my body, with no rash. It feels like the type of itch I get from seasonal allergies. Additionally, I started experiencing neck pain in my thyroid area which ended up being thyroid cancer and I had my thyroid removed in March 2024. I thought that the under-skin itching was tied to my thyroid cancer since the itching and neck pain started at the same time, but I've completed the thyroidectomy and radioactive iodine therapy and have felt no change in the itching. What's also developed is that my skin flushes/gets red and blotchy very easily which it never used to do. Also, if anything is pressing against my skin, say if I cross my legs, then huge red blotches form wherever there was something pressed against them. This has never happened to me before the itching started either. I've tried antihistamines, gabapentin, Xolair injections, and been prescribed several rounds of prednisone, all of which haven't touched the itch. I've seen my primary care physician, a neurologist, rheumatologist, two allergists, a dermatologist, and an infectious disease doctor (I had mono in May 2022 and got the COVID booster shot in September of 2022 and we didn't know if that was correlated with it), and no one can figure out why I'm itching or make it stop.
Additionally, a lump in my right groin area appeared in the middle of last year, about 6 months after the itching started. I got an ultrasound done then and they didn't find anything, so I let it go. However, the lump hasn't gone away and has slowly gotten more prominent over time. I went to my primary care physician last week and she said it felt like a swollen lymph node and I had another ultrasound done, and I'm still waiting for the results.
Prior to getting mono, I was perfectly healthy. The itching is so unbearable that I can't wear 90% of my wardrobe and I have to take 4 different medications to be able to fall asleep at night. It has completely destroyed my quality of life and I don't know what to do.

I 28m just got back into the dating game after a few years. I was able to connect with a girl 30f on bumble who was also getting back into dating. We hit it off and shared a lot in common. We both had big anxiety problems, but another thing to connect on. We started seeing each other more and more and spending time together a lot. Being open and really felt like a real connection.
Red flags - this girl, was a little…damaged/ unstable. (high anxiety and depression. Anxious ticks, self confidence issues.) but I could relate to these things, and we shared a lot to help grow. We did ALOT of texting in the beginning. Extreme infatuation took hold on both sides.

1. She would always bring up ex boyfriend (but with her axieties and depression this just felt like growing past the pain. That’s even what the sharing was described as.)
   
2. She set the pace FAST. Talking about marriage, kids, taking trips together all within the first 3-4 dates. (I liked this since it was what I was looking for)
   
3. She initiated sex early on, and even said I love you when we had sex for the first time. when trying to make a move for a 3rd time, she said she wanted to take things slower. (This I understood and respected as we were getting a little too excited.)
   
4. I invited her to meet my family after a 5 dates or so, but with how the connection felt it felt right. I told her she didn’t have to if she wasn’t comfortable, but even something like this was a big anxious trip for her. She ended up meeting them, and went well.
   
5. We became exclusive boyfriend and girlfriend after a week or 2. Cute nicknames and such, which ended up slowing down.
   
6. Texing slowed down, but I always liked to send a good morning text, or goodnight message and check in on her. (Responses became shorter, and more..cold and I could tell something was changing, but refused to see it. )
   
7. Physical touch / kisses slowed down, and I would love these things. Cuddles holding hands. Grabbing a kiss.
   
8. We would hangout 3-4 days a week, and usually i initiated the hangout. I was very excited to see this girl, as everything up to the slow down made it feel this was. I kept the original feelings strong.
   
9. Had a conversation about where we were physically/sexually the weekend before the break up, and if we still felt good about the relationship. (I did this as a productive growing conversation. There was no mention of loss of interest or anything. But at this point I knew it definitely existed, just didn’t want to see it.)
   

She ended up breaking it off, due to her not being ready, and our anxieties not vibing. She said comparability wasn’t there. Said she wasn’t feeling it for a couple weeks, and this was when she was asking to plan trips and have me meet her family. It was chill break up, and as with the whole relationship went in with deep understanding. Said we could be friends still, but who doesn’t say that. She got caught up in the moment of it all
Idk. I just been beating myself up over a 2 month relationship, that felt AMAZING. Like the one amazing. I feel I may have came off too strong, asked to hangout too much, being too lovey, and open with things we talked about, like fears of a relationship and anxieties. There was never a conversation that stated we were doing anything besides sex too fast. but that’s how this bar was set. I didn’t pick up on the slow downs too well, or just wanted to not to see them I guess. I really liked this girl. Maybe I got caught up in the moment of it and didn’t provide enough space. I just keep mulling over in my brain all the things I did wrong and how if I played it differently, things would be different. Just almost that my personality is too much and I won’t be able to be loved. My roommates said I should have to change any of these above aspects about me, and the true person will love me for how I am.
I just wanted to vent and get advice. Hopefully my list of red flags will provide someone with some insight on things to watch out for and not get too attached. It’s not well put in the post but connection was real strong to start, and I was really feeling the feeling she was putting out. that’s why I just feel like I must have done something wrong down the line.
Sorry if this post is everywhere and doesn’t convey thing too well. Just want to hear from you all if you had similar experiences etc.

My husband has been very sick since November he has been coughing very forcefully, at one point he felt like he had a broken rib every time he coughed, he's losing weight he's had a very small appetite (he is also on adderall so hes not as concerned by this) he's extremely tired and he is constantly itchy all over his body. The itchiness started before the coughing, he's scratched himself raw from head to toe. He's been to his primary care doctor about 15 times they've given him a ton of antibiotics, inhalers, steroids etc.. his blood work showed he was also anemic. The primary care doctor said there's nothing more he can do for him and we've made an appointment for a pulminologist but it's not until July. Yesterday he woke up and his elbow was extremely swollen, like there's half a tennis ball under his skin and he cant straighten his arm without pain. I'm so worried I've offered to take him to the ER but he doesn't think it's that urgent. I'm afraid he has lymphoma. My questions are is this something I should drag him to the ER for or can we wait for the pulmenology appointment and is a pulmenologist even who we should be seeing at this point? If it's lymphoma will they be able to diagnose it? Am I just wrong about lymphoma could it be something else?

TL;DR: See it now. 10/10
Background
“Amusement Art is described as art that we use as a type of escapism, a distraction from our day-to-day lives. Magic Art, on the other hand, has the ability to transform our lives and the way we see the world around us.” R. O. Collingwood
I have loved The Outsiders by S.E. Hinton for more than two and a half decades. I’ve read the book more times than I can count. I’ve analyzed characters and writing decisions past the point of sanity sometimes. It’s not an exaggeration to say that this story inspired me to be a writer.
When I heard that The Outsiders was a musical, my first thoughts were, “What? No. Why?” This is coming from someone who loves musicals and The Outsiders, but the story is so serious that I feared adding singing and dancing would cheapen it.
I was wrong.
Cautiously, I listened to “Tulsa ‘67” and “Great Expectations” on YouTube. And then I listened again and again. I watched the creative team talk about their love for the story and Tulsa. They made me believe that they wanted to honor the story while adapting it for the stage. They absolutely succeeded.
Review:
On June 8, 2024, I went with my mom and one of my friends to see the musical. We sat in the first-row mezzanine with a great view of the stage. A lot happens on both sides of the stage, so I’d recommend sitting in the center if possible.
Acting:
Everyone was amazing, but for me, the three standouts were – Brody Grant as Ponyboy, Joshua Boone as Dallas, and Brent Comer as Darrel.
Grant plays the traumatized teenager trying to make his way in the world to perfection.
Boone’s Dallas has such depth. The hard shell he presents to the world is thin and underneath lays a young man who has been running from his pain for far too long. He loves in the only way he knows how, which is not always the healthiest or the way other can receive it.
Comer’s portrayal of Darrel demonstrates the older brother who feels like he’s alone in trying to keep his brothers on the straight and narrow. He loves his brothers so much, but working to support them is driving him crazy, and he snaps. When he and Ponyboy finally connected at the end, I was smiling through my tears.
Songs:
The majority were fantastic. My favorites (today) are – "Run, Brother, Run," "Throwing In the Towel," and "Hoods Turned Heros."
Staging:
Everything was incredible. A broken-down car is transformed into a bed and a couch at different points in the play. All the actors were talented dancers as well as singers. The directing for the rumble is out of this world. The combination of lights, gravel, and movement really brought hopeless war to life.
Minor Suggestions:
As you can tell if you read this far, I loved this musical. But they only thing I would change is I would maybe have removed the songs “Hopeless War” and “Trouble” and make them dialogue. Then add in a scene of Ponyboy, Sodapop, and Darrel reuniting directly after the fire.
Conclusion:
If you love musicals, watch this one. If you’re a fan of The Outsiders book or movie, watch this musical, but understand that it’s different. And that’s wonderful. 10/10

My hands are trembling to the point where I've had to restart this several times. I'm a guy who doesn't scare easily, but this encounter has me shaking like a hit dog. I'm still sitting in my work truck, trying to work up the courage to step outside again. Worse, I'm trying to figure out how I'm going to tell my boss what happened. I was already on thin ice with him, and this shit might cause me to break through to the freezing water below.
But fuck it, because this was weird.
I install cable for a living. I didn't have dreams of stringing cable when I was a little kid, but my previous life choices left me with few options. In high school, I fell in with the wrong crowd. It started with skipping school, sneaking alcohol at weekend parties, and some petty theft, but it didn't stay that way for long. Soon, I dropped out and dedicated my life to committing robberies to pay for my pill addiction. I wasn't living as much as I was running on a treadmill. I did whatever I could to stay on my feet but constantly felt myself slipping.
My bottom came when I was jumped by two guys who sold me pills. I had bought from them before and trusted them, but the feeling was not mutual. Someone had dimed a buddy of theirs out to the police, and he was looking at real jail time. They assumed it was me and beat me senseless.
I was greeted at the door with a punch to the jaw that sent me reeling. My brain, already addled and slowed by Oxi, was in the middle of putting together what was happening when the next punch caught me in the temple. I collapsed to the ground and covered my neck and face as best as I could. The next few minutes were a flurry of punches, kicks, and stomps. When it was all over, I had a broken jaw, a shattered wrist, several wounds that required fifty total stitches, and a concussion.
That's how I kicked my painkiller addiction.
I can joke now, but the next six months were the hardest in my life. The withdrawals I had were the worst thing I've ever experienced. Having them while I was recuperating from my injuries was a circle of hell I didn't think existed. I wanted to die most days and felt lost in the darkness. But sobriety was the beacon on the horizon. Even during my darkest moments, I could still see the fuzzy spark of white light off in the distance. It kept me going. Six months from my beat-down day, I came out the other side healthier but weaker.
I needed a job but had limited skills. Thankfully, I had a former pill buddy who managed to keep steady employment with the cable company. We always got along, and he called in a few favors and hooked me up. I got hired, but it was a struggle. Not the work, which was easy to learn, but dealing with the public without telling them to fuck off. Worse, was trying to avoid the flood of illegal substances that are around you at all times. Customers will offer you weed or pills for all the channels, or bored co-workers will have something to "make the day pass by." It's a lot to dodge, especially if you're in recovery. Whenever I felt the itch again, I'd feel the scar tissue from my wrist surgery, and the itch would pass.
The last week has been one of those "Shit, is it Friday yet?" weeks that seem to be growing in frequency these days. I don't want to bore you with the details, but needless to say, most nights, I needed to reach out to my sponsor and have them talk me off the ledge. We recently had a turnover at the executive level, and my new boss Rory was a tremendous cock. A rager at levels science hasn't ever seen before. Just the worst dude imaginable.
Part of Rory's new crusade was coming in and firing a bunch of guys. The company called it "checking for redundancies in the labor force," but we all knew what it was. He was picking off two classes of people: high earners and guys with spotty pasts. I was in the latter group and imagined it was just a matter of time before my number got pulled. I was on pins and needles all week. I made sure I was the greatest cable installer you'd ever meet. So far, I was getting high marks but the forced joviality was wearing thin.
It's safe to say my joy had left on a one-way ticket. I have no clue when—or if—she'd return.
Back to this shit. I had just finished up my last job of the day when my work phone started buzzing. I cursed and thought about not answering, but the threat of unemployment loomed too large for me to do that. I picked up and knew from the jump my day was far from over. Denise from dispatch asked if I could cover a job left hanging because of "scheduling conflicts" (see: the original installer had been let go). It was near where I was and was a simple install.
I gritted my teeth and agreed. I liked Denise and knew she was worried about the hammer falling on her, too. She thanked me profusely, and promised to bring me cookies tomorrow. Since she's a hellcat in the kitchen and getting close to a dispatcher never hurts, I said no worries. I hung up, balled up my jacket, and screamed into it. I felt better after that.
981 Maple Street was about five minutes away, but it felt like a world away. Maple Street was at the end of the neighborhood where large swaths of grass fields faded into a thicket of woods. The woods rose up into the foothills until they graduated to mountains. To borrow a phrase from Shel Silverstein, the house resided where the sidewalk ends.
The house, an off-white birdhouse ranch type, was a little run-down but no worse than any of the others that populated this neighborhood. This place had been hit hard by economic times, and property values had plummeted. It was slowly recovering. In five years, this would be a place most current residents wouldn’t be able to afford. The front yard had a large oak tree that looked amazing but had killed the grass under its canopy. The rest of the yard looked well cared for.
I knocked and heard a few voices talking on the other side of the door. It opened, and a man in his late 40s stood there with a steaming cup of coffee in one hand. He was tall and thin, save for a middle-aged paunch. His face was starting to crinkle at the edges, but he was southern California middle-aged, which meant he was holding up pretty well. He did look tired, though—the bags under his eyes were full-on steamer trunks.
"You with the cable company?" he asked, knowing I was.
I nodded. "You requested an install, right?"
"Yes, I did. Please, come in."
He opened the door wide, and I walked in. The house was pretty bare with a bachelor pad aesthetic. That didn't make much sense since I heard a female voice talking to him. I assumed it was his wife. I believe in a lot of wild shit, but to think that a wife would be fine with their house decorated like a 23-year-old bachelor lived there was a bridge too far.
"I'm Tom," the guy said, extending his hand. I shook it. "What did you need from my end?"
"Do you know if there was a previous hookup here?"
"Ugh, yeah. There is one in this room and another in the back bedroom."
"Okay. I should put the modem in a spot that'll hit the whole house. The signal can get wonky if it's in a room behind a wall or bricks or anything."
"This room is probably the best spot then," he said.
"Perfect. I have to get under the house, check the old connections, and replace some parts. Where's your hatch to get under the house?"
"Oh, it's around back. You can exit out this side door and walk through the backyard. It's on the eastern side. You might need a screwdriver to remove the grate. Do you need one?"
I pulled a screwdriver from my pocket and showed him. "I should be good. Thank you, though."
"I should've guessed you'd have one."
"I appreciate your concern. Is there anything in the backyard I should be worried about? Dogs? Kids? Wild dogs? Wild kids?"
It was standard banter, and it always got a chuckle out of people. Same thing happened here. "Nothing to worry about," he said. "You should be good."
"Alright. I'll get started so you can get online as soon as possible."
"Great! If you need anything, I'll be doing some work in the back bedroom."
I nodded and headed for the side door. The dining room door led to the pie wedge-shaped backyard, which was larger in the back than the front made it look. The grass was as cooked as its kin in the front, but islands of green weeds seemed to be thriving. In the corner of the lot, an old metal shed stood, rusted to the point where I assumed divine intervention kept it standing. It seemed to have been there since the house had been built – or maybe several decades before.
When I turned the corner of the house, I spotted a woman and child staring into the corner of the yard, their backs facing me. The Woman wore a faded blue dress that fit her well. Tom had, it seemed, out-kicked his coverage with her. I didn't want to startle them, so I offered a friendly "hello" to the pair. The kid started to turn, but the mother placed a hand on their shoulder and kept their heads facing away from me. I squinted along the treeline, trying to see what they were concentrating on, but I didn't see anything unusual.
Just wanting to be done with the job, I let them be and moved on. I turned another corner to the house's short side and spotted the grate leading to the crawlspace. The grate looked as old as the shed, and I wasn't sure I would even need the screwdriver to open it. Hell, I was sure the thing would disintegrate in my hands as soon as I touched it.
I crouched and was about to pull it off when I heard something rustling near me. I glanced back to where I had seen the mom and kid, but they were gone. I assumed I had heard them leaving. I pulled the grate off – I was right, no screwdriver necessary – and as I set it aside, something caught my attention out of the corner of my eye.
It was the kid. A boy around eight or so. But they weren't staring at me exactly. They were looking away from me, staring up at the roof line. I found it odd. Clearly, the kid wanted to talk to me but had turned their back on me. I coughed to let them know that I knew they were there, but they didn't respond.
"Hey man, what's up there?" I said.
"Nothing nice," he said, still keeping their gaze away from me.
"Oh," I said, "Not going to hurt me, is it?"
"Maybe," he said.
Not the answer I was expecting. "What is it?"
"They told me you'd know soon enough."
As he said that, I felt something crawling across my hand. I pulled my hand away from the house and shook it. I saw a spider land in a pile of leaves and scurry away. I let out a nervous laugh. I'm not scared of spiders or anything, but the shock of being told some unseen thing was watching me and didn't look pleased, coupled with the sensation of something on my skin, was enough to justify a quickened heartbeat.
I looked back at where the kid had been standing, but he was gone. I chalked it up to kids being little weirdos and went back to work. The faster I could get this installation done, the quicker I could go home and smoke a bowl. I let Kush be my guide. I put up my hood, turned on my small flashlight, and shimmied through the opening under the house.
I know guys who've worked for the company for years and still dread going into a crawl space. Granted, it's not my favorite thing to do, but I don't mind either. The bugs can be a nuisance but if you don't bother them, they tend to not bother you. Same with rats and mice. Raccoons, though? I crawl out and call animal control. Those little dudes are cute but nasty as all get out. My path today was nothing but cobwebs, so I was okay.
I flashed my light around and saw where the cable line went up into the living room floor. My job here was to ensure the coaxial line's integrity was still good. If it had been chewed on or anything, I'd replace it. Sometimes, I just replaced it anyway—saving myself a potential job later down the line.
I crawled over to where the line came in from the pedestal and started my once-over. I not only looked for any damage but also ran the line through my hands to make sure my eyes didn't miss anything. I was under the dining room area when I heard that side door close.
I stopped. Tom said something, but it was muffled. I wanted to be nosy, so I waited a beat to hear if anyone spoke back to him. Someone did. It was soft and quiet – I assumed it was the Boy – and I didn't make out what they asked, but I did hear Tom's response. In a firm voice, he said, "No, not right now. Run along."
There were footsteps over me that faded into another section of the home. Tom said, "He always wants to jump the gun. How many times do I have to tell him?"
I suppressed a laugh at the last line. It's the official father's lament. I kept moving my hand down the line and didn't feel nicks along the cable. In fact, on closer inspection, the line looked almost new. I was planning to change it, but this looked like it had been installed last week.
I could hear someone walk into the living room as I reached the spot where the line went through the house. Another pair of footsteps followed the first, and I heard a breathy but detached woman's voice ask, "Can we show our faces now?"
"I just told the boy 'no.' What makes you any different?" Tom said, an edge to his voice.
A chill raced through my body. I knew those words, but this conversation made me feel like I spoke another language. Can we show our faces? Why would you not?
"Do you think he'll see us?"
"If I have my way," he said, not finishing that thought. "Leave me be. I must try to get some things done before he leaves, and you two keep bothering me."
What did Tom mean to get some things done before I left? What did he have in mind? While trying to process all this, I heard something shuffle in the darkness just beyond my flashlight beam. I moved it around, trying to see the telltale glowing eyes of varmints, but nothing flashed back at me.
I heard something shuffling again, this time down by my feet. I cocked my head as best as I could and shone the flashlight into that corner of the house but, again, there wasn't anything else down here but me and a thousand spiders. I sighed and finished my inspection of the wire.
As I turned to crawl back out from under the house, I heard somebody sneaking around on the floor above me. The wood groaned as the person moved slowly. I wasn't sure what they were doing, but they wanted to keep it a secret. A shadow fell over the pinprick of light from where the cable went into the house. Someone was standing over it.
"Can you hear them down there? Moving in the dark?" It was the Boy. “They like the dark.”
"What are you saying?"
"The little shadows," he said, "They live down there. Do you hear them?"
This kid was creepy as hell. "I, ugh, I can't hear you, dude," I said, inching my body away from the wire, "We can talk inside."
"They're going to get you, but that's okay," he said, "It only hurts for a little bit, and then you're fine."
Fuck. That. I had no desire to respond to that nightmare of a statement. I hastened my inch-worming, heading back towards the open hatch. As I did, I heard more movement in the darkness around me. I tried to ignore it, but it was a fool's gambit. It was impossible to ignore.
I was getting closer to the opening when I saw a pair of tiny legs walk in front of the hatch. It was the Boy. How did he get there so quickly and without me hearing him run on the floor? I didn't have time to run through the scientific method because the Boy leaned down and placed the metal grate back over the hatch.
"Hey! Hey!" I yelled. "I'm still under here!"
The Boy didn't stop. Instead, he placed a trashcan in front of the grate, enshrouding the entire crawlspace in darkness and trapping me inside.
"Hey! I need you to move that!" I screamed. No response. I raised my fist as high as possible and punched the floor above me to hopefully get Tom’s attention. That was a mistake, as I managed to punch straight into an old nail. I felt it puncture in between my knuckles. The pain was instant, and I let out a howl.
I shook my hand and swore a blue streak. I reached up with my other hand, felt the tip of the nail I had managed to punch, and found a flat spot next to it. I banged hard on the floor and yelled again for some help. Nobody responded. Not at first.
Then I heard someone chuckle under the house.
I couldn't locate where it had come from because it sounded like it was all around me. I swung my light around as best as I could but didn't see anything. No glowing eyes, nothing. I inched forward a bit, and someone laughed again – this time, it was to my right. I turned my light in that direction and saw a sudden flood of light fill the space under the house.
"What the hell?" I said, my desire to leave overtaken by a desire to know what was unfolding next to me.
A pair of kid legs dropped down from the hole in the floor. I realized then that the hole must be an interior crawlspace. The kid had blocked off the metal grate and opened this hatch for some reason. While he dropped his legs down, he didn't move any further.
"Hey, you have to open that metal grate," I yelled. "I don't want to be trapped down here."
"They told me they needed you," he said, followed by a slight chuckle.
"What the fuck are you talking about?" I said, not caring that I was talking to a child. "Open the goddamn grate!"
"The shadows are approaching," he said, pulling himself back into the house. He placed the lid back on the hole, and I was trapped in the dark again. I cursed to myself and started pounding on the floor again.
"Hey! Someone come help me!"
That's when I felt something run across my legs. I nearly jumped out of my skin. It didn't feel like the tiny claws of a passing rat. It was cold to the touch, but as it hit my skin, I felt a burn in my bones. It's hard to explain, but I felt both extremes simultaneously. Whatever it was skittered off into the darkness of the other side of the crawl space.
The kid started laughing again, which brought me back to reality. I army crawled as fast as I could to the grate. I balled up my fist and punched in the middle of the metal. The blow knocked the old nails out of the wall, and the grate broke up. I was about to push away the garbage can when it suddenly wheeled out of the way.
I saw Tom's legs standing there.
"You okay?" he asked, concern in his voice.
I got out from under the house so fast that I left a me-sized dirt cloud in my place. Once out, I shook my body loose as if I had things crawling all over me. Tom watched but didn't say anything at first. We finally locked eyes, and he could see the rage, fear, and confusion on my face. He wisely waited until I spoke first.
"What the hell is wrong with your kid? He blocked me under there and taunted me from the indoor crawlspace."
"What are you talking about?"
"He told me the shadow people or something were watching, and then he blocked me under the house!"
Tom's face twisted up into confusion. "I...I don't understand."
"I can't make it any simpler, Tom!" I screamed, letting unprofessionalism take root.
"I don't have a kid."
It hit me like an Ali right cross. My vision got dizzy, and I struggled to catch my breath. I stared at his face, looking for the sign of a lie or a joke, but he was as stone-faced as an Easter Island statue. After a beat, I found my sense again. "I heard you talking to him in the living room when I was under the house."
"One, I was on a phone call. Two, are you spying on me? What the hell, man?"
"I wasn't spying, and you weren't on the phone," I said. I also heard you talking to your wife. She asked you if she could show her face or something."
"I don't have a wife either."
I shook my head. "I fucking saw them in the backyard! They were staring at the fence!"
Tom paused and cocked his head to the side. When he spoke, it was softly, trying to calm me down. "Are you...did you have a few drinks before the appointment? Or a pill or something? No judging – I know pill heads. I won't report you or anything, but I understand if you need to come back tomorrow with a clearer head."
"I'm sober," I said, gritting my teeth. "But I know what I saw. What I heard."
"As the tree said to the lumberjack, I'm stumped," Tom said. "You look a little flush. You want a bottle of water or something? I can show you I'm here all alone."
My adrenaline had seeped out of my body, and I was starting to feel like myself again. I nodded at Tom, and he smiled. "I'll go grab you one. Do you want to come into the AC?"
"No, I'm okay. I need to double-check the connection to the pedestal."
"Sure. Be bright back," Tom said as he walked off.
But I had no intention of checking the connections. I was going to check on Tom. I didn't believe him at all. Something weird was going on, and I needed to know what. As soon as he turned the corner around the house, I broke out my flashlight and headed back to the crawlspace.
I dropped to the ground and shone my beam into the darkness. Something had crawled on me, and I wanted to see what it was. I moved my light into every section of the crawlspace but saw no eyes glowing back at me.
"If you're under there, call back."
There was nothing. I was starting to feel like a paranoid idiot. I called out once again just to be sure, but again, nothing called back. I shut off my light and sighed. I started pushing myself back to my feet when I heard a faint woman's voice call out, "Can we show our faces now?"
"Not yet," someone hissed from the trees above me. I snapped my head up, expecting to see someone hanging on a branch over my head, but I just saw green leaves.
"Can we show our faces now?" It was the Boy. It sounded like he was on the roof. I shielded my eyes and glanced at the roof but didn't see him.
"No. He's not ready yet," someone whispered in my ear. I snapped around, throwing a punch as I did, only to slam my fist into the fence. I felt one of my knuckles crack as it hit the wood, and the pain shot up my arm like lightning. Within seconds, my hand started to puff up, and blood dripped out the wounds.
The Boy chuckled again. It came from under the house. I looked down at the grate and saw his legs disappear into the darkness.
"Hey!" I called and dropped to the ground. I pulled out my flashlight and shone into the darkness again. I was confident I'd see him, but he wasn't there. Nobody was.
I sat up and felt goosebumps turn my arms into braille. I glanced over to the corner of the house and was surprised to see the disappearing hemline of the faded blue dress. I rushed over to the corner and didn't see the Woman. I saw Tom with a bottle of water.
"You okay?"
"Where did that woman go?" I asked, my voice panicking. "She was just here."
"Sir, do you need me to call your boss for you? You're starting to scare me."
"What's up with this house? Is it haunted?"
Tom started laughing. "I hope not. I just moved in. I'd hate to have roommates again, especially ones who leave ectoplasm all over the place."
As I stared at him, I saw the Woman and the Boy emerge from the other corner of the house. They looked up on the roof, their faces obscured by their hands and the sun. I pointed a finger at them and screamed, "They're right there!"
Tom spun around and looked, but there wasn't anything there. He turned back to me, not sure what to say. Instead, he handed me the bottle of water. "I gotta be honest. I didn't see anything. Drink the water...you might have heat stroke."
I threw the bottle on the ground. "I don't have fucking heat stroke. I have a man that's lying about these things." I got close to him. "What did you have planned for me? Why do they keep asking to show their faces?"
"I don't," he said, but I didn't stay to hear him finish his thought. I walked right past him and turned the corner of the house. As I did, I saw the blue hem disappear through the door that led to the kitchen. I followed right behind her.
I walked into the house, which was as silent as a corpse. The Woman and Boy were nowhere to be seen. "Hello?" I called out. "I just saw you guys walk in here. Where are you?"
The door behind me opened up. Tom walked in, his face reddening with anger. "You can't just walk into my house."
"I saw them walk in. Where are they?"
"I keep telling you, it's just me and you here. Now, if you want to finish your work…."
I walked away from him and headed toward the bedroom where I had seen the Boy standing. I wanted to check that crawl space. The room was empty, not even a moving box in there, so finding the hatch that led under the house was easy. I went into the closet and pried the hatch open.
Tom entered the room behind me, more confused now than angry. "I don't want a line run through here."
"The Boy was standing in this spot. I saw his legs. I spoke to him. He told me the shadows needed me for something." I glared down into the darkness under the house. Despite Tom's feigned declarations that there wasn't another person in the house, I knew he wasn't being honest.
"Okay, I'm pretty sure you're back on pills and in the middle of a delusion," he said.
"How did you know I had a pill addiction?"
"The way you're acting, it wasn't a hard guess."
"I'm sober, but I did have a problem with pills. I never told you. I don't tell anyone."
Tom stood there, confused about how to answer. I stood up and stared him down. He looked away, but I didn't move my gaze. "Who are you? Who put you up to this? Was it Rory? He trying to get me fired?"
Tom's shoulders sagged. "You got me," he said. "Rory hired me to get you in trouble. I'm... I'm sorry. He offered me free cable for a year and assured me you were a bad guy and, well…. I'm weak."
"That's really fuc…," I stopped. "You're lying. Right now. You're lying. Why?"
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw something dash past the open crawlspace hatch. I turned to the hatch opening and then back to Tom.
"Are you trying to stop me from looking in there?"
He didn't respond.
"What's under there?"
"He is," he said. "The Boy. He hides under there all the time. He has...friends down there."
"The shadow people?"
Tom shrugged, "What he calls them. I call them a menace. Impossible to get my work done with them causing a racket."
"What work?"
"Things you'd never understand in a million years," he said, "Things beyond your brain's capacity to imagine. Things that will help usher in a new world. Your kind's time is coming to a close. My work represents the new order."
I stared at him. I wasn't sure if I should run away or punch his lights out. Instead, I just spat out, "Bro, what the fuck?"
"Can we show our faces now?" the Boy called out from under the house.
I looked down at the hatch and then back at Tom. He nodded toward the opening. "Do you want to see your future?"
"Fuck it," I said. I got down, grabbed the sides of the opening, and lowered my head under the house.
I kept my eyes closed for a second, assuming I'd either see something horrifying or something would hit me in the face. When nothing struck me, I opened my eyes. It was dark, and I couldn't make out anything.
"There's nothing under here," I said.
"Can we show our faces now?" said the Boy from somewhere under the house.
"Show him," Tom said.
I sat back up, grabbed my flashlight from my pocket, and flipped it on. I looked at Tom, "If you try anything, so help me, God."
Tom just smiled. I looked back down at the hatch and sighed. I was suddenly hit with a bolt of common sense. What was I doing? My internal alarms were going off and I was ignoring them. Curiosity had gotten me this far, but my fight instincts were starting to lose to my flight. No job was worth this.
"Man, fuck this," I said, reversing course and standing. I turned to confront Tom, but he was gone. I hadn't heard him leave, but there wasn't a trace of him there. "Tom? Where the hell are you?"
He didn't respond, and I decided that I had hit my "weird shit" quota for the day. I closed the closet door and headed back into the living room to grab my gear. I'd call dispatch and tell them someone else had to come out and finish the….
The wood floor cracked, splintered, and gave way when I put my weight on it. I fell through the floor and landed with a thud on the dirt in the crawl space. On the way down, I hit my ribs on a crossbeam and heard them crack and knock the wind out of me. As I lay on the dirt, writhing in pain, my lungs did their damnedest to find a breath. It couldn't, and my vision started to blur at the edges. For a fleeting few seconds, I envisioned my death on a dirty crawlspace floor. It wasn’t comforting.
I rolled onto my back and finally took in a massive gulp of life-saving air. The blurring vision subsided, and all that remained was the aching pain of a busted rib. My muscles around my rib cage spasmed and pulled tight against my lungs. After the initial big breath, I could only take shallow gulps because the pain was searing.
I lay there for a few seconds, collecting my thoughts, when I felt something skitter across my legs again. I kicked out of instinct but didn't hit anything. Instead, I heard the chuckling again. My flashlight had fallen out of my hand. I found it and turned it on.
This time, I did see something. Pairs of eyes—dozens of them—watched me from the darkness that surrounded me. These weren't possums or rats. I never hoped to find a raccoon under the house more than I did at that moment. I knew whatever these things were, they weren't natural and they wanted to harm me.
"Still want to know what they plan to do to you?" the Boy asked from behind me.
I turned around and shone the light where I heard the voice. The Boy was lying on his stomach, his face looking down at the ground. All I could see at the moment was the top of his head.
"Wha-what's going on?" I said, the light bouncing from my trembling hand.
"I can show you my face now," he said. He raised his head and….
The Boy didn't have a face.
He had the space for a face, but there were no features whatsoever—nothing but pale pink skin pulled tight across the front of his head. At that moment, the image of a wooden art figure came to me.
“What the ever-loving fuck?"
"Want to see something really scary?" the Boy said, his lack of a mouth not stopping him from speaking. He raised himself onto the tips of his fingers and toes and started skittering toward me, laughing as he did.
I clambered out of the crawlspace as fast as my battered body could carry me. I got out of the hole and onto my feet and let out an ear-splitting scream.
The Woman in the blue dress was standing next to the hole in the floor. Like the Boy, she didn't have a face either. But I could feel her eyes on me. Looking into my mind. Into my soul. She stepped toward me, and I bolted for the front door.
I whipped it open and was greeted by Tom standing there, blocking me. He grinned. "Leaving so soon?"
"What the hell is going on?" I asked, checking behind me to see if the Woman was still coming toward me. She was, and she was gaining quickly.
"Can we show our faces now?" he asked with a laugh.
I turned back to Tom and nearly had a heart attack. His face was gone. I could feel my heart beating in my ears. My legs were jelly, but I kept myself propped up. The human desire to survive can perform miracles.
Tom reached out and pointed at a spot on the far side of the living room wall. I turned and saw three skinned human faces hanging from old nails: a man, a woman, and a boy.
"You're turn to join us," Tom whispered. But the voice wasn't said out loud. It came from inside my own head. "We can always use another body around here."
My brain clicked into action and sent an all-points bulletin to my limbs. The message was simple and actionable – "Get the fuck going, you dope."
I felt my hand ball into a fist and spun. It landed where Tom's nose would've been. It should've knocked him back, causing him to stumble and giving me time to run. But that didn't happen. Instead, his face pulled apart, letting my fist slide right through. It closed on my arm, trapping me.
I yanked and yanked, but my arm would not dislodge from his face. I glanced back and saw the Woman nearly next to me. The Boy was climbing out of the hole, moving like a cockroach. I looked back at the wall and saw Tom's hanging face silently laughing.
Something about those silent laughs cut me to my core. They were laughing because Tom thought he had outsmarted me. He had beat me. That my face would soon be hanging on the wall next to theirs. I wasn't going to let that happen.
I saw a loose brick on the walkway, and a plan flashed in my mind. I yanked hard, sending Tom stuttering forward enough for me to wrap my finger around the brick. I brought it up and sent it towards his face. As expected, the face parted again, and the brick flew through easily.
But as soon as the face curtains pulled aside, I yanked my arm free. With my limb free, I took off in a mad sprint for my truck. I got inside and fumbled my keys as I tried to start the engine. Tom, the Woman, and the Boy stood together at the front door and watched as I got the van going and rocketed down the street.
I drove like a madman for ten minutes, trying to put as much space between me and the house as possible. I finally stopped at a gas station to collect my thoughts. I was jittery, and my mind was swimming, but I was also relieved. I had gotten out.
I collected myself and called Denise to tell her I couldn't finish the installation at 981 Maple Street. I was going to suggest we cancel the order and not send another installer there. That's when the conversation took a turn I wasn't expecting.
"Where have you been? You were supposed to be off an hour ago," Denise said when I called her.
"I was trying to finish the install at 981 Maple, the one you sent me to."
"I didn't send you anywhere," she said. "With how insane Rory is being about overtime hours, I'm trying to keep everyone below the threshold."
"What are you talking about? You called and asked me. You don't remember," I said, a bad feeling growing in the pit of my stomach.
She gave me a nervous chuckle, "I swear I didn't. Are you feeling okay? You gotta come back. People are waiting for the van."
"I can prove it. I have a record of you calling me on my phone," I said. I opened my call log, and my jaw dropped. There was no call from Denise. She was telling me the truth. But if she didn't call me, who did?
"Rory wants to talk to you when you get in. I wouldn't mess around, he seems pissed" she said before hanging up.
I haven't moved since. I wanted to write this down because I felt like it needed to be recorded. Something supremely fucked up is happening at 981 Maple Street. It nearly got me. It still might. To think, on any other typical day, a surprise conversation with my boss would be the scariest thing that could happen to me. Funny how seeing a faceless ghoul can prioritize your problems. If you're hired to do work there, turn it down. Trust me, it's not worth it.
"Can we show our faces now?" they asked. "Fuck no," should be the only response.

https://ibb.co/XZSnbRs
I'm a gay bottom that has had multiple sex partners recently but always with protection except for oral sex (with ejaculation) recently around a few weeks after my last meeting I've noticed these symptoms: fatigue, joint/ muscle pain no fever however. I was wondering if this is a swollen lymph node or not as this would be another symptom, it's only on one armpit and not the other and is painful to the touch I have recently shaved my armpit so it could be a pimple I really don't know.
If it is a swollen lymph node what STD's do these symptoms point to? My biggest worry is HIV but have read online that HIV has a low risk to be contracted through oral but I did give oral sex during a mouth herpes outbreak (on valaciclovir) so could that increase it to the point I should be worried?
I know I'm asking a lot but I'm very worried to the point of losing sleep please help!