Feeling of constant belching and fullness in upper stomach

I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m lost on where to get help and handle food physically and the only answers I’m getting are pointing to a digestive issue.
I’ve been in full recovery from an old ed, I eat freely and have been for a long while. I thought it was just my body getting used to the food. I’m weight restored and “well” but an issue that’s ironically stunting my recovery process is how food is making me feel. I eat most the time and I feel so full, not in a satiety way but in a way that feels like my whole body is bloating so badly that I have to walk constantly to soothe the ache.
I regurgitate bits of food constantly after eating, I’m either horribly consitpated or releasing diarrhea, I get bloated after eating home cooked small portions and eat relatively normal. (rice veggie protein bowls, egg wraps, sourdough, oatmeal bowls, some pastry’s)
I sometimes crash with fatigue after eating, which I again have to fight against by walking after I eat.
I’m going to a doctor Thursday. it’s gotten so bad I just have to eat breakfast slowly, go on a long walk, go home and eat slowly something else, then another long walk, then eat a last meal before it’s the evening so I have the rest of the day to digest my whole caloric maintenance.
which.. it works, I’ve tried so hard to eat these meals throughout the day normally but when I do I feel even more bloated, constipated and or tired. I’m eating enough and it’s the only time my body feels slightly normal. I don’t feel the need to restrict like I used to. but this issue with digestion is making recovery harder as I need to walk constantly to have the food break down or else my stomach cramps or bloats.

I took the plunge and pre-ordered the Ace, and I’ve been putting it through its paces for the last couple of days. I’m pretty deep in the Sonos ecosystem, and I’m a big headphone collector, so I’m tossing in my thoughts here for those thinking about taking the plunge on these $450 cans.
TL:DR - the Aces come in at a high price point in the market at $450. At that price, these may be a tough sell for many. The overall sound is very good - but not definitively better than the category leaders in the market, many of which cost substantially less. Early/Gen1 bugs will leave some thinking that the product is half baked or leaves them out entirely, especially Android users. All that said, this is still a Sonos product, so there are enough things done well about the Ace that it could be a decent proposition - especially if you catch a sale and/or after upcoming software updates. Hard to hate, hard to love.
Now to give some context and get into the deeper review. As mentioned, I am pretty deep in the Sonos ecosystem because I’ve steadily added to my setups over the years. I started with a 5.1 system, Playbar + Sub + two Play 1s about 10 years ago (now in my kid’s playroom) and now I have Sonos in my whole home - another Arc-based 5.1 setup (media room), a Playbase 5.1 setup (living room), a Beam (bedroom), Move (outdoor patio) and a Roam (travel).
I am also a headphone collector and have 22 pairs, ranging from “consumer” stuff like the Ace, AirPods Pro/Max - and all the way up to high-end reference gear from the likes of Audeze, Sennheiser, Meze, Focal, etc. I listen to many types of music, from hip-hop to classical, and I also do quite a bit of gaming. I have a young kiddo so have the need to use headphones for TV viewing pretty often.
Starting with the overall design, comfort, control and included accessories - Sonos does a mostly solid job. The design isn’t overly striking in any way, but it is a well-refined “standard headphone” type of design with clean lines. The Aces are light while still feeling solidly built, have a smooth but appropriately firm sliding hinge for headband fit, have easily removable pads, and while they don’t completely collapse, they get compact enough to fit in the included zip-up hard shell carrying case.
The respectable carrying case isn’t the only included accessory. A USB-C cable is included for both charging and USB-C audio (no included wall charger), and a USB-C to 3.5mm cable is included as well for plugging into analog sources. The inclusion of these cables and capabilities gives the Aces a lot of general versatility and are good things at this price point.
The design lends itself to an overall very comfortable headphone. The band has a very soft cushion and connects to the cups in a way that distributes the weight very well. The cushions of the cups are a well-padded and very comfortable faux leather situation with a firm but not too imposing pressure on the head. These are easy to wear for hours without discomfort for me. I will note that while everything is fine for me, the cups are not particularly large, and the pads are angled, so people with large ears may find their ears touching the cups a bit.
The controls are also well designed. Sonos chose to avoid any type of touch controls with the Aces and has just three buttons - one for power and Bluetooth pairing, one for ANC/transparency/on-device voice assistant, and one for volume and track/audio source/phone call control. It reads more complicated than it is for the controls to become second nature. It is a very good overall control scheme. It’s not quite as good as the Digital Crown design of the AirPods Max, but I’d give it a strong second to that.
When it comes to hardware design and general ease of use, Sonos has always done well across its product range, and that continues here. Grade: A
Sound is one of the most subjective/difficult things to review, and I’m going to try and be as neutral as possible and use some good points of comparison. Overall, the Aces perform fairly well for the product category, and while they bring their own approach to the table, it is very much debatable whether what they bring in terms of sound is worth the fairly high $450 entry point versus $450 for the AirPods Max, $299 for the Sennheiser Momentum 4, $328 for the Sony WH-1000XM5 or $379 for the Bose Quiet Comfort Ultra - all very mature and respectable market leaders with similar product features in this category. There are wireless headphones out there that are priced higher like the Focal Bathys ($799) or the Bowers and Wilkins Px8 ($529), though one could argue that those are catering to the luxury and/or audiophile market (all Amazon US prices as of this writing), where the sound expectations have a higher hurdle to overcome.
Let’s first talk about tonal balance. The general tuning of the Aces is very similar to all of the other products I mentioned above, which is a version of a “V-Shaped” tune; bass is boosted, and treble is boosted, creating what has become commonly known as a “fun” type of tuning that I call warm and sparkly. While all of the products I mentioned do this in some way, each does it slightly differently, resulting in a slightly different overall sound presentation, the Aces are no exception. Let’s dive in.
The bass on the Aces is very noticeably boosted throughout the entire band, and the biggest boost is in the sub-bass region. This means the Aces bring slam, boom and rumble to the listen. It could be argued that these get into bass head territory, and I believe those that like bass would be happy with the Aces in that department. While the bass is certainly very prominent, it is not overly loose and still maintains a decent level of control. It is a thick but fairly clean bass. It hits thicker than the AirPods Max but less so than the Momentums and XM5s. If you like to feel those big explosions and soundtrack moments in your TV viewing and gaming, the Aces will fit the bill, as the depth the bass can reach is impressive. The downside to the bass tuning is that since the entire bass band is boosted, if you are listening to a track that has a lot of action in the bass region, it can be overwhelming and lack detail. It can also lead to some bleed into the lower midrange on certain tracks.
It is the midrange on the Aces that surprised me the most, though when I think about how Sonos likely dedicated as much thought to how these sound for TV as to how they sound for music, it makes sense. In a usual “V-shaped” tuning, it is the midrange that is the least present or gets a bit left out of the mix. This often results in vocals and many common core instruments and pieces of the mix somewhat veiled, and is the reason many audiophiles don’t like the V-shaped tuning. The Aces mostly avoid this. The midrange balance is pretty on-target with the exception of a bit of a dip in the upper mids. This means that you get a very full-bodied core sound when listening to the Aces, and that’s a very good thing. Male vocals are very often put on full display because of the added warmth of the bass boost. Female vocals can sometimes take a bit of a back seat, along with instruments like guitar, as a result of the dip in the upper mids, but to notice either of these, you’d really have to be a focused listener (more on why later). The story of the midrange is that it’s better executed than many in the category. This translates well to TV/gaming as well, as dialogue is typically easy to make out, even when there’s lots of other action going on.
The treble on the Ace, as mentioned, is definitely boosted, but in a targeted way that overall, works. I mentioned that the upper midrange where female vocals and some higher instruments live is a bit de-emphasized. Well, the treble is boosted in the “sparkle” region, where sounds like symbols reside - as well as the “s” and “t” sounds in vocals. This boost makes details shine a bit more, and it also hides the under-emphasis of the upper midrange a bit because it still pulls forward the sparkle of all vocals. This upper midrange and treble boost combination is also seen in some well-regarded higher end headphones from the likes of Sennheiser and Meze Audio, just to name a few, so kudos to Sonos for pretty solid execution on the treble. The downside to boosting this region is that some people’s ears are sensitive to this frequency range, and can find sounds like snare drums, loud symbols and the like in this region to be grating to listen to for long periods of time. I don’t find the boost to be extreme, but it is there, so those that are treble-sensitive, just something to note.
This is a good point to make note that this has all been related to the default tonal balance of the Aces right out of the box. Connecting to the Sonos app does allow you to adjust the frequency response - though it is a very basic EQ just like other Sonos products - a simple treble/bass slider. Most of the options at this price point offer greater level of control with a at least a 3-5 band EQ, but it’s better than nothing.
Last in the sound department is a bit about the staging and technical performance. Again, the Aces do what they do fairly well for the category, but whether what they do is definitively better than their peers is debatable. The sound that comes from the Aces is crisp and clear, and one of the most immediately noticeable aspects of the presentation is the good horizontal spread of the pieces of the mix - everything is placed very well with pretty good separation. The sound stage isn’t overly wide by any means, and we aren’t talking about a 3D/holographic sound stage (unless you’re using Dolby Atmos, which I’ll come back to), but the sound does indeed go ear-to-ear horizontally. Even so, the focus of the Aces is always front and center. The stage is very center-focused and intimate, with the edges of the left and right channel wrapping around to the ears. It is a pretty in your face presentation that works well. The center position also has a small but distinct depth and separation from the mix, which is impressive for a wireless headphone (I had to wonder if the fact that the inside of the pads of the Aces are angled contributes to this). The fact that the stage is so center-focused also keeps the vocals and heart of the mix emphasized, and this pairs well with its midrange tuning. This presentation also is another testament to being well-designed for both music and TV listening.
I am not always a fan of Dolby Atmos for headphones, as what the technology can do is often overhyped, but the Aces do handle Atmos mixed sources (or multichannel sources when using TV Swap) very well. It essentially makes the sound stage a bit bigger, along with more precise positioning of the pieces of the mix. I find it best for video content and hit or miss for music.
The overall sound package that the Aces deliver is solid, well-executed, V-shaped listen. The sound is warm, crisp, clean, dynamic/lively and is presented very well, in a way that will work for many genres of music, TV and gaming. The aces definitely deserve to be in the conversation among the market leaders, but each of these market leaders also have strong overall presentations that are arguably just as good, if not better - and allow for a bit more control with more EQ personalization options. The Ace’s premium price relative to this competition has to be taken into consideration as a point of comparison in evaluating overall sound. Grade: B+ / A-
I realize that when evaluating a pair of wireless headphones nowadays, the technology feature set is a big factor as well, and that’s where things get even more interesting for the Aces. This is because depending on your particular Sonos setup, mobile device setup, and general home listening setup, the technological features of the Aces are various levels of either lacking or unfinished.
Let’s start with the good. Regardless of the device you’re using to connect, you get to experience the active noise cancellation and transparency modes of the Aces, and both are very good. The noice cancelling mode isn’t quite as good as Bose, and the transparency mode isn’t quite as good as Apple, but both are respectable compared to anything else, a good showing. You can also enable head tracking in the Sonos app when connected to any device audio via Bluetooth, which for Android users may be an added convenience, depending on your device (for Apple users, this is a feature built in option at the system level between any iOS device and AirPods). You also get a fairly good mix of codec support, including some lossless options if your device supports it.
Now, the not so good. When Sonos announced the Aces, the company very accurately talked about how headphones were one of the most requested products of the community, and everyone in this sub can probably attest to that. But what has been released, at this point in time especially, IMO misses the mark by not doing the we want the headphones to do most - connect seamlessly to our larger Sonos systems, and on top of this, it highlights the challenge of forced obsolescence when dealing with home theater speakers and advanced technology in the same package.
The best way to illustrate this is to state plainly that the Aces are first and foremost Bluetooth headphones. They connect to your Sonos system indirectly via the app on your Bluetooth device, not directly to the system itself via WiFi (mostly). This means a few things. If you’re envisioning using the Sonos app as a hub main hub for navigating your music library across sources and handing it off between your Sonos speakers and headphones, that’s not in the cards with the Ace (ha). As a matter of fact, you can only use the Sonos app to play and pause media playing on the Ace, not select and navigate.
If your goal is using the Aces to listen to your TV, it can be done via a feature called TV Swap, but the situation isn’t exactly pretty for a lot of people. You can press a button on the Aces or within the Sonos app to trigger a direct WiFi connection between a TV-connected Sonos speaker, but at launch and of this writing, it only works on the top-of-the-line Sonos Arc soundbar. This support is coming via software update to the Beam and Ray at an unannounced date. This means that for folks like me that have been building a Sonos ecosystem for years, arguably the most loyal and valuable customers of Sonos (and the ones requesting this product for years), the usefulness of the Aces may be substantially reduced. Out of the four rooms that have Sonos sound bars in my home, again, all purchased within the last ten years or less, only two will ever work with the Aces. My Playbase and Playbar are forever excluded, and if you’re using something like the Sonos Amp to connect a turntable or other device to your Sonos system, you’re also out of luck. If you are an Android user, the picture is even uglier, as the TV Swap feature doesn’t work AT ALL, meaning that until an update arrives, also at an as yet unannounced date, the Aces are essentially a regular pair of Bluetooth headphones for Android users.
For me, this is the most disappointing thing about the Aces. Unless you are a fairly recent inductee to the Sonos ecosystem, the Aces probably are really more general Bluetooth headphones that can connect to a Sonos speakeTV than Sonos headphones that also connect to Bluetooth devices. This is in a world where there are certainly other options for connecting headphones to your TV’s audio. Many smart TV’s and set top boxes now offer a direct Bluetooth connection, and if you have an Apple TV, using AirPods via AirPlay is a much more seamless experience. All of these things, combined with the recent revamp of the Sonos app that took away features and left many unhappy in the name of updating the app for future products (including the Ace), should make you think twice about if the Aces are the best way to get TV audio via headphones for you and your setup - and about the longevity of your particular Sonos setup in general. I realize there are technical challenges that make better Sonos system integration a challenge, and that for some, the issue about older products isn’t an issue at all, but it is worth bringing to light for those making a long-term purchase decision.
The second most disappointing thing about the launch of the Aces is the continued trend of companies releasing products at full price that are essentially unfinished. I already discussed that for Android users at launch, there is no TV Swap at all, so these are effectively just regular Bluetooth headphones with no Sonos system integration at all. I also touched on the fact that TV swap support for the Beam and Ray is missing for all platforms. There is also a very cool-sounding form of TruePlay that Sonos is calling TrueTune. This will calibrate the room, so that when using TV Swap to listen to audio, you’ll get an even more “immersive” listening experience that takes Spatial Audio and head tracking to the next level by trying to actually mirror the acoustics of the room as if you had no headphones on at all. I can’t report on that because, you guessed it…the feature is coming at a yet unannounced date. On top of this, there are bugs out of the gate. Sometimes my Aces don’t show up in the Sonos app, and TV Swap sometimes doesn’t trigger or glitches out.
All of this makes judging the technological features of the Aces difficult. On the side of being Bluetooth headphones - the ANC, connection possibilities/versatility, multi-device connection, head tracking/spatial audio support, and battery life, the Aces are a strong showing. On the Sonos side, your experience will be highly dependent on your current Sonos setup, source setup, how you like to navigate your music library, your level of patience to receive updates, and your trust/level of care for when/if Sonos will release an update that breaks something between your Aces and your existing setup or releases a new speaker that doesn’t work with the Aces. These are all considerations that again make the $450 asking price seem steep when there are other options in the market with equal or greater capabilities for a substantially lesser price. Grade: C-
Overall, I view the Aces as a solid pair of Bluetooth headphones, and as Bluetooth headphones for day-to-day needs, they are worth considering, though arguably not the best value in terms of overall sound quality and features. The AirPods Max, Sennheiser Momentum 4 Wireless, Sony WH-1000XM5 and Bose Quiet Comfort Ultra all bring comparatively good sound and feature sets at the same or a substantially lower price. Whether that premium is worth it because of the Sonos interplay, well, your mileage may vary, depending on your setup. They have the potential to be pretty great for some, while at the same time being annoying for some - hard to hate, hard to love. I hope this review was helpful for those taking a look at these or building a Sonos ecosystem in general. Happy listening!

I saw this in the Avenged Sevenfold reddit and thought this was a neat idea to try for Periphery! Below are three rules that I followed

• each song must have the same track number that the album it appeared on. For instance, Dracul Gras is song #8 on PV, so it cannot be considered for tracks 1, 2, 3, 5, 6, 7, etc. on this album. It can only be used in consideration for track #8.
• can use songs from any of their full studio albums or EPs (excluding the Live in London album)
• since #10-#14 only have anywhere from 1-4 selections, you may choose wildcards (it can be any song, as long as it's not a previous selection)

TLDR: build your ultimate Periphery album based off what # the song is from the respective album it was chosen from, except tracks 10-14
Song #1s: Insomnia, New Groove, Muramasa, Overture, A Black Minute, Reprise, The Price is Wrong, Reptile, Wildfire, Scarlet [Acoustic]
Song #2s: The Walk, Frak the Gods, Have a Blast, The Summer Jam, MK Ultra, The Bad Thing, Motormouth, Blood Eagle, Atropos, It's Only Smiles [Acoustic]
Song #3s: Letter Experiment, Jetpacks Was Yes 2.0, Facepalm Mute, Feed the Ground, Heavy Heart, Priestess, Marigold, CHVRCH BVRNER, Wax Wings
Song #4s: Jetpacks Was Yes!, Icarus Lives! [Icarus EP], Ji, Zero, The Event, Graveless, The Way the News Goes..., Garden in the Bones, Everything Is Fine!
Song #5s: Light, Icarus Lives! [Bulbous Remix], Scarlet, The Parade of Ashes, The Scourge, Hell Below, Remain Indoors, It's Only Smiles, Silhouette
Song #6s: All New Materials, Icarus Lives! [Zedd Remix], Luck as a Constant, Extraneous, Alpha, Omega, Habitual Line-Stepper, Follow Your Ghost, Dying Star
Song #7s: Buttersnips, Icarus Lives! [PeteyG Remix], Ragnarok, Pale Aura, 22 Faces, Stranger Things, Flatline, Crush, Zagreus
Song #8s: Icarus Lives!, Captain On, The Gods Must Be Crazy!, Rainbow Gravity, Absolomb, Sentient Glow, Dracul Gras
Song #9s: Totla Mad, Eureka!, Make Total Destroy, Four Lights, Catch Fire, Satellites, Thanks Nobuo
Song #10s: Ow My Feelings, Erised, Psychosphere, Prayer Position OR wildcard from any of the previous not selected songs
Song #11s: Zyglrox, Epoch, Lune OR wildcard from any of the previous not selected songs
Song #12s: Racecar, Froggin' Bullfish OR wildcard from any of the previous not selected songs
Song #13s: Masamune, Mile Zero OR wildcard from any of the previous not selected songs
Song #14s: Masamune OR wildcard from any of the previous not selected songs
My ultimate album:

1. Wildfire
2. The Bad Thing
3. Marigold
4. Garden in the Bones
5. Remain Indoors
6. Follow Your Ghost
7. 22 Faces
8. Dracul Gras
9. Catch Fire
10. Prayer Position
11. Lune
12. Froggin Bullfish
13. Mile Zero
14. Alpha

I just a post saying that this game is tiring and I agree. I do agree that playing a game for a long time and getting sick of it is a valid point. That's what happens to me with with Sims, but I also left because Gamelodt gave off the impression that they weren't money hungry and big on microtransaction. You know how EA is but that was until they went back on their word on Dreamlight Valley being free to play while still advertising it that way 6mo before said release. Then they said characters won't be behind a paywall and yet Wall-E, Ursula and Belle exist. And I can tell Adam will be behind one too.
Then not to mention the glitches and bugs. So many bugs in this game that are not being fixed with urgency. We bought the exapnsions just for it to not live up the hype. Barely any updates and I'm assuming the last update will be this summer? Unless we get a years worth but even then that's not worth 30 bucks, cause there's 6 or 5 more ports behind the castle. I'm gonna pay $150 dollars every 6-12mos for 3-6 free updates??? Big biomes with barely any decorations unique to these islands and not enough game buildings that don’t come from the premium shop? That doesn't seem worth it to me unless they will continue to pop out updates like they have done for the main Valley.
I really think after Tiana drops they need to stop making new content. They need to 1. Fix all the bug, glitches and constant crashing and freezing. 2. We need to have our levels updated. I think it goes to 40, we need to make it go to 80. The tabs should be better organized. We need a multilayer tab. A 3. Multi-player needs a very big update. I'm not paying for it after my subscription is over because it's a waste of my money. Not much to do especially being a PS player and no cross-play. 4. They need to add some character to the game, some more touch up as well as adding search bars like people have asked. Ad characters should get new animations animations dialouge. Especially the older one.

1. We need to be able to really customize our valley. I think we should be able to reskin every building we get. Premium or no premium and it SHOULDN'T be in the premium shop either. It should should money and moonstone free. I like visiting my friends valley but we all have the same Scrooge store and Remy restaurant, and bakery, ect. Not too crazy but like being able to change change brick color, and the windows, and the color of those top things. Just color swatches basically. The ability to add walls inside a room. For either a bathroom or just a division. And they need to fix the alignment in the game as well as letting paths touch. That's a must. I hate the gap. And it's been two years. That little they update they did was cool, yes, but they need to go ahead and update the Scrooge store with a whole new catalog of clothes and furniture. Because them adding furniture and and clothes to the premium shop just about piss me off. And not to mention the furniture frequently has a red dot to stuff you have definitely already bought and just remove L couches, cabinets and chandeliers from the displays and just have them in the tab to avoid this issue because they thinknits funny but it's actually annoying. They just invented more space to see the same things. And I'm not sure how the sandbox works. I know it can't be like the sims but I like to have one flexibility on our homes. Open floor plans, windows actually having lighting no matter where they're placed and just the ability to not have everything so boxy and straightforward. It's really giving Sims Freeplay and I don't like that.
   
2. We need LIFE. I love being the Queen, Ruler, Empress- whatever of Dreamlight Valley but I need a life. I'm not sayingbthey need to go full blown siks with jobs, care and toddlers, but something. I want to have the ability to have the Forgotten either be more human like; like they look like me but they have visuable features. Like their skin is either black or purple or vitiligo with black and purple, they either be your twin, or you can dress them up. I want to be able to assign them a room in my own and you actually see them in it. Sleeping, by the fire, something. Walking around the house, things like that. With a voice too or not but speech bubbles or be able to change the tune of their voice. I want to be able to have needs like in the sims. We have to eat, sleep, we can't actually sit to the tables and not so far back. Interact with objects like the toaster to cook, watch clips/trailers of movies or series as TV and that be a need of fun or entertainment. Using the bathroom is option but I would like to use my garden tub and glass shower and my Moana sink lop. Interact with merlijs items or the Tangled spindles and art easel. Pick up a book. Certain interaction with certain characters, like you're able to read to stitch(7 second animation or whatever), cast spells with Merlin, things like that. I'd like to be able to have relationships too, like our own NPCS, with either a room in our house or their own. Like siblings or spouses, pets - not companions, marriage or things like that. I thought we were getting cars or be able to drive the carriage, Oswald car or bus but even being about to ride the bikes/motorcycles would be cool. And just deeper lorr and gameplay like combat or just being able to hold a weapon and fight a villain or something. Basically being able to do disney/fantasy things in a Disney game.
   

Not all this needs to happen but something lol. I feel like what the game mostly is about now is giving us a buggy game and premium shop. And yes, the game is amazing, but every update we have said there's problems so they don't think about buying every system and having testers play game a week before releasing??? I feel like that makes sense because soon there's going to much bugs to fix like the Sims 4. It's just new content, premium shop, dreamsnaps and boring star paths. Too many motifs and why the hell did we have an AMUSEMENT Park starpath but Slinky was in the shop and NOT the star path????
Like I love the game. Almost 1k hours on this thing, but after the main story, a few character levels for their missions, a few crafting here and leveled up attractions it gets boring. I do think after I have decorated every biome, leveled up every character, and gotten gotten 100k mist and Dreamlight I won't play the game as much if nothing is gonna change.
And don't get me wrong, I'm aware it's most the company not the game people but it's still frustrating. The star paths haven't seemed worth my time. Dreamsnaps being repeated gets tiring. Nothing new, it's a lot. It's just idk. I play other games like RPGs and stuff and you know they can take 70+ hours to complete, if you're a pro that is because I can replay those over and over and over because they have that much to do.

Hi, so my cat had been getting constant infections for almost two years, mostly in his ears, nose, nail beds, and tummy. We had switched foods and he seemed to be doing much better, until eventually the infections came back, with hot rashy crusty skin. Used a topical on and off and seemed to help but it got so bad my vet put him on prednisone and once he weened off, the skin issues roared right back again. Before he got on the steroid he apparently was dropping lots of weight. Well the vet decided he should go back on prednisone... I figured the same amount but I failed to read the directions on the new bottle correctly: give half a pill per day and instead, I was giving the full 5mg per day. Might cat had seemingly been doing well although he'd been sick the past almost two years. I woke up last night and he was on the floor on his side barely breathing. Around him here and there there was diahrrea. Idk if me giving him the full pill once a day instead the half caused this, but I'm feeling so awful. He was 13 years old and had only been on steroids a tad over a month.

Hi, so my cat had been getting constant infections for almost two years, mostly in his ears, nose, nail beds, and tummy. We had switched foods and he seemed to be doing much better, until eventually the infections came back, with hot rashy crusty skin. Used a topical on and off and seemed to help but it got so bad my vet put him on prednisone and once he weened off, the skin issues roared right back again. Before he got on the steroid he apparently was dropping lots of weight. Well the vet decided he should go back on prednisone... I figured the same amount but I failed to read the directions on the new bottle correctly: give half a pill per day and instead, I was giving the full 5mg per day. Might cat had seemingly been doing well although he'd been sick the past almost two years. I woke up last night and he was on the floor on his side barely breathing. Around him here and there there was diahrrea. Idk if me giving him the full pill once a day instead the half caused this, but I'm feeling so awful. He was 13 years old and had only been on steroids a tad over a month.

Hi all, After reading a lot of post here recently, I kinda wanted to tell my story to give others perspective about treatment options. Obviously, this is MY story and everyone here is different. My experience will not be the same as yours, and I am not a doctor telling you to try these options. But I have had a lot done, and I think it might be helpful if people understand what they can try.
I appreciate everyone who reads even one section of this saga. I am happy to answer any questions that people might have. Again, this was my journey and these things might not be the best options for you. But I want to highlight that pain, itself, is not the disease. It is a symptom. Find doctors who will help you find the cause of it. Sometimes it's difficult to pinpoint the source of pain, but there are options to try different things.
Part 1: How it Started
In 2007 I was 17 years old. During the summer, I got a job working as a bus boy at a reception hall. One night, I was sweeping the floor, nothing different than normal, but I suddenly had intense shooting pain down my hip and leg just from the way I bent down to sweep. That was all it took to set me off on what would be a long life of pain.
I remember the sciatica being really bad during this period. My parents and I were taking care trips to look at colleges and sitting in a car was torture. At some point they told me to see a chiropractor so I started doing that on a pretty regular basis. I went to college in 2012 and continued to have pain. There was always constant pain but I would always have times when it was much worse and it was painful to even walk normally. I recall having my parents visit and I was limping all day because I couldn't extend my left leg out fully.
I continued to see a chiropractor in the area for maybe two or three of the years I was away at school. Chiropractor never really helped though. During one of the summer breaks, I went to a chiropractor who had this decompression machine that would literally strap you down and pull you apart in an attempt to relieve pressure. It never helped. I am pretty sure by this time I already had an MRI done that probably showed some level of lumbar herniation so I guess that is why I wanted to try that type of treatment.
Chiropractics is not a legitimate science. I hadn't realized this until later in college (I was a biomed major). Their theories on spinal health do not align with known medical science. Some chiropractor align more with real medical science, but a lot of them only believe what the area of chiropractics says. I strongly recommend NEVER seeing a chiropractor, especially if you have back pain. It could be dangerous.
Part 2: The First Surgery and More Treatments
So when I graduated from college in 2012, I sought out an orthopedic surgeon. We did more MRIs. I can't recall if we tried anything more conservative first, but I did end up having surgery with him in 2013. We did a microdiscectomy and hemilaminectomy on both L3-4 and L4-5. Recovery from this was about what you would expect. Lots of bed rest for maybe 6 weeks or so, but I recovered well and went to PT for a couple of months. I think the surgery was successful in treating a lot of the serious sciatica I was having. But I was still having some level of back pain months and months after. I was then seeing the pain management doctor at the same office as the surgeon, and we tried a LOT of different additional things. Facet joint injections specifically, trigger point injections, medications. Nothing ever helped. I still have this pain in my low back and it was difficult to bend over without bracing myself, and there were times when I would get sciatic pain but not nearly as bad as it was before the surgery.
At one point I went to a rheumatologist because the pain doctor did some blood work and found I was positive for a gene that is related to ankylosing spondylitis. I was never actually diagnosed with this, but we tried to medications (I think maybe methotrexate but I could be wrong). The rheumatologist ended up putting me on humira, which looking back was a odd decision without actually officially diagnosing me with anything. Humira is a monthly injection, and I think after two months, my pain actually got a lot worse, and I stopped taking it and never went back to him.
For the most part after this, I was just taking Tramadol an naproxen to deal with my pain. I was going to the gym and doing what I could, but often the gym would exacerbate my symptoms. It was just difficult to do anything without feeling weak and obviously, it definitely contributed to some depression.
Part 3: New Pain Doctors and Spinal Cord Stimulator
In 2016, I got a new job that brought me into NYC and I now had access to great insurance and a wide array of great doctors. I found a new pain management doctor and tried a lot of things with him. He put me on Nucynta at some point, which is a narcotic, though I would only take it when I had break through pain. Pretty quickly, only a couple months after in 2017, we decided to try a spinal cord stimulator since I had already tried all these other things with other doctors.
I had to see a neurologist who would be doing the actual implanting of the device. I also had to see a phsychiatrist to get I guess "mental" clearance that I was in sound mind to be making this decision about a medical device implant. Not sure if that was just for the insurance or something the doctors also require. Before doing a full implant, they actually do a test run. I guess I had gone under general anesthesia for this, but they implant the wires (explained more below) and the wires come out of my skin to an external device and all of that is taped down to my low back. They do this so that they can make sure you actually get relief from the device before all the time, energy, and money is spent doing the full implant. I had it for a couple weeks, and decided to move forward. They had to remove the wires from me and scheduled me for just a regular office visit, and I was thinking well how the heck are they removing these wires from me. Well, it was very easy. They literally just pulled the wires right out of my back. Didn't feel anything. It was wild.
I have a Nevro brand stimulator impanted inside me shortly after. Surgery and recovery were as you would expect. I don't thinm recovery was as long as my back surgery was. There is a little 1x1 inch square box that sits above my right glute, around where my waistband would sit. There are two sets of wires that run over my spine to the left side (so I can actually feel the wires right under my skin at this part) and then they go between my vertebral space and then all the way up my spinal canal to my thoracic area. At the end of the wires (aka "leads") there are several evenly spaced electrodes and these are the functional part of the device. From what I understand, they send small electrically pulses very rapidly against my spinal cord and the idea is that these electric signals will over power pain signals coming from below, effectively making my brain blind to sciatic pain. It came with a remote to change the settings and a charger that uses a wireless pad that you hold over the box to charge. I had to charge it ever two or three days. The technician from the company does the initial set up (they device doesn't operate until you are recovered from the procedure and see the technician at your next office visit, I believe). The technician will turn the device on wirelessly and play with the settings and ask you to tell them when you feel something as the increase the magnitude of the stimulation. When you feel it, it does feel like a little electric buzzing in your back. But you aren't supposed to feel it at all, so they the turn it down just below where you felt the sensation. The remote has a couple different programs that I could change through that the technician programs, I guess changes in the frequency of the pulsing or things like that. I could also increase and decrease the magnitude within a set range, but for the most part I never messed with any of the settings. Nevro has a care team that I can contact at any time with questions or concerns and they will follow up with me occasionally to see how I am doing.
Part 4: Life After the Stimulator
I always had the stimulator on, and always said that it did help alleviate the residual sciatic symptoms I had, but I still had this low back pain that wouldn't go away. I continued to see the pain management doctor and we tried so other things. More trigger point injections, medications, etc. He had me on what is called "Low dose naltrexone" which is essentially a very low dose of an existing drug, used off label for chronic pain. It had to be specially made at a compounding pharmacy because the dose you need isn't commercially available. I tried that for a couple months and can't say it helped. In fact, I think it made me very nauseous a lot of the time. I remember I had to stop drinking coffee at one point because the taste of it would make me feel queezy, and one or two times I ran to the bathroom because I felt like I was going to throw up. I decided to stop taking it.
After that, I mostly just lived with my stimulator and dealt with any pain I had (hadn't seen the doctor since 2020). I was going to the gym someone regularly at this point, but like before it would often increase my pain symptoms so I would need to take extended breaks from exercise.
Part 5: Recurrent Herniation
At the beginning of November 2023, I started to feel something new. I was starting to slowly get sciatic symptoms again and was having flashbacks of my symptoms when I was in college. I was starting to get sciatica in both legs, and my right foot would sometimes start going numb if I stood for too long. It was getting more and more severe. Within a few weeks, I had to stop commuting into work because the pain was getting so bad. I contacted my pain management doctor who I hadn't seen in years. Their office was telling me how since I hadn't been there in so long I had to be treated as a new patient and the first opening for a new patient was like 2 or 3 weeks out. I was pretty angry at them about this. I mean, this doctor did the implant of the medical device that I have...should that not exempt me from this rule? Its not like this was an appointment for an unrelated issue. Anyway, the first available appointment was with a different doctor, but I was desperate so I saw him. He was not helpful. I was basically begging for pain meds and he was like welllll the other doctor should really prescribe you something because he knows your case better. It was such a a waste of time.
About a week or two later I did in fact see my original doctor, and he had the Nevro technician come because he thought it could potentially be an issue with the device. The technician found that there was "impedence" on one of the leads, a couple of the electrodes weren't working as they should. So she did some adjustments to compensate for that. I have it a week or so, but that did not fix the problem at all. I stopped charging the stimulator altogether because it wasn't doing anything for me. I had to start using a cane to get around because if I was standing, I needed something to lean on so I didn't have to keep my back straight. It was getting very difficult.
The doctor had me get a regular CT done, because I cannot get an MRI due to the stimulator (the stimulator itself is actually MRI safe and I think most of them are not, but because of the issue with the electrodes, my Nevro care team told me I could not get an MRI). So I and the CT and I could see it myself. It was absolutely clear that there was a herniation at L4-L5. Clear as day. So I had a video call with the doctors assistance soon after and to my dismay, they suggested treatment was to get an epidural to reduce the pain. Here I am, knowing full well that my symptoms and the results of the MRI are definitely worthy of surgery, and they want to give me just an epidural. I asked her about surgery and she said something about not opting for surgery until exhausting other options. I said okay. After the call, I immediately reached out to my friend who worked at the Hospital for Special Surgery in NYC. She actually works with the director of Spinal Surgery. Immediately, I was in contact with him and his entire team and they moved quickly to get things moving. I regret not having reached out sooner.
Part 6: Prep for Second Surgery
So the first thing to do was get better imagining. Since the MRI was out of the question, I had to do something called a CT Myelogram. Oh boy this was not a fun diagnostic procedure.
You need to be accompanied to the appointment because they will be giving you some very light sedative. You are hooked up to an IV, and they bring you into a room with a special x-ray table that rotates so you can be either laying flat or raised up so you are nearly standing, and the X-rays can be taken from many different angles. The doctor there take a couple of initial scans to find the location where they go in. I am queezy just talking about it right now. What they need to do is inject contrast dye right into my spinal canal. An epidural goes AROUND your spinal canal, but for this they need to pierce the dura and go in.
So they do local anesthesia and then take quite a large needle and go in. It is painful because it is going so deep. But God, you can feel the piecing of the dura layer when the needle goes through. I immediately feel my body hating it. Then they inject the dye, and you can feel that sort of cold sensation spreading across your back. And then he takes the needle out. I start to get VERY hot and am about to pass out, so they put some ice on the bacm of my neck and give me a minute to come back down. They also gave me some IV zofran to help with nausea and some IV sedative for the pain Thankfully it passed. But that wasnt even the difficult part.
Next, they have to make sure the dye gets into all the crevices. So the doctor rotates the table to different angles and has you try and bend in specific ways. It was incredibly painful to do. When he had me in an almost standing position, and the pressure of the dye was increasing my leg pain beyond anything I had experienced so far. It was really difficult. But once they are satisfied with the X-ray that shows the dye has spread well, they send you to the CT scan. Once I was laying down again the pain subsided and I was feeling better. They did the CT scan and then rolled me back to the recovery room, and by the time I was back in there I was feels 100% back to normal and had no issues getting up and walking. So that was that.
The image results were very telling (gunna try and include them here or in a comment if I can). The point of this type of imaging is that the contract dye with spread anywhere that the CSF can go. You should be able to clearly see the space all around the spinal cord, and if there are spots where you don't see the dye, you will be able to see what is causing some problems. It was plain to see how severe this herniation was. It was compressing my spinal cord and pushing it all the way to the back of the spinal column.
So the doctor said we have two options. A microdiscectomy or a fusion. We decided to do a MD though I would be okay with a fusion. Well guess what, two days before the surgery the doctor changed his mind and said that after reviewing the imaging again the best course of action would be to do a fusion. I was very excited for that.
Part 7: The Fusion
So at the end of Feb 2024 I had my fusion done. It was your standard surgery, nothing too crazy. Recovery was tough though. Basically with a fusion, they take out the herniation and most of the disc and they put this rubbery block in there that contains bone graft. That is what is going to grow to fuse the two vertebrae, but that process can take a year to fully fuse the bones. So they put in four screws, two in each vertebrae, and join them together with rods. This holds the bones together completely so that they do not move independently. They are essentially fused at this point, but only with the rods.
For recovery, the first couple days were difficult, mostly trying to stand up from laying down because I had like no low back strength. The pain was also pretty constant so I was taking a lot of muscle relaxers and narcotics to help me stay asleep as much as possible.
The surgery area was quiet large. There were two large bandages and two small bandages and the entire area was covered in a large adhesive patch to keep everything clean and dry (it was also very orange from the iodine). So I could shower without worrying about it. Within two weeks I was moving around a lot better. I might have stopped using my cane at this point, though anything that required me to reach forward, like washing my hands at the sink, was difficult because it would require back strength. By 2 weeks, the bandage had because really really frustrating. The huge adhesive patch was causing my skin to become itchy and irritated, and I could see they I was starting to develop some red bumps like pimples underneath. Thankfully 2 weeks was the point I could remove it (after my first follow up call with the doctors team). So I took it off which was not easy. The whole area was soooo sticky, I tried to remove a lot of the stickiness with either rubbing alcohol, soap, or Vaseline. I was able to get a lot of it off but some stickiness still lasted for several days. There will tiny bandages over the incision sites that covered the stitches and those would eventually all fall off themselves. I had two larger scars at the top where they did most of the work of cutting out the disc and putting in the graft, and then two tiny scars lower down where I assume they put in the screws for the lower vertabrae. My back does not look pretty.
I started PT at four weeks was doing better but still had a weak back and was very cautious with my movements. Did PT for 12 weeks and made a lot of improvement. I was back to how I was. The fusion 100% fix the issues that this new herniation had caused, and it was such a relief to finally have a procedure that was totally effective. However, the back pain that I had already had for many many years was and is still there and I am still not certain what is causing it.
Part 8: Now
I am about 20 weeks out of surgery and am still doing great. I still do not use my stimulator and don't plan to, but having to get it removed would be a really huge pain. I have started to actually go to a gym again and life weights to stay active. I am mostly convinced that this low back pain I still have is really muscle related, caused by the years of instability, and that I can address it by strengthly my core muscles and following my PT exercises. I think a lot of these muscles issues, like trigger points, can mimic sciatic symptoms. Knowing what REAL sciatic symptoms feel like again, this pain doesn't feel like I have a herniation pushing on my nerves. So I am going forward with that in mind and trying to deal with this pain muscularly.
As for the fusion, I don't notice any new limitations in my movement. I avoid rubbing the area because I could feel the rods if I rub it hard enough. But I feel normal. I had a follow up with the doctor with another X-ray and everything looks great. I am hoping that this can be a turning point for me to really live as close to a pain free life as possible.

I'm post-chemo and in remission except for my bi-monthly Rituxan infusions.
My stomach always feels bloated and distended and I pass a lot of gas some days. I have to eat small meals because I can't hold as much as I used to. When I bend over, my stomach feels really full. I have'nt gained any wieght so I'm guessing this is chemo belly?.

First / Previous
Jori stood at the edge of the alleyway, pressed up against the wall of The Wandering Fowl as she peered into the narrow street’s depths. Humming echoed from within; a soft, gentle tune that originated from the girl that stood on the snow covered path.
Her sister.
Aria’s attention was not focused towards the end of the street, but rather on the large furred beast in front of her. The auroc groaned gently as the girl moved her brush, patting the bovine as she was lost within the rhythm of her own tune. She reached up and scratched the beast behind its horn, provoking a satisfied bellow from the large animal as it nuzzled up against her. Aria’s giggle broke her melody, ringing out with the same innocent tone that a child’s laugh could only produce.
Just like any other girl.
Pain panged in Jori’s heart, a dull ache that still possessed enough bite to make her clutch at her chest. She looked towards the ground, eyes focusing on the sack that sat at her feet. Its cloth had been pushed to its limit, burgeoning from what had been stuffed within. Jori was content to lose herself for a moment, to forget about the growing hollowness in her stomach, but she was brought out of her trance with a tap on her arm.
“Jori?” Jon asked, her brother’s tone a mix of worry and apprehension.
“I… I’m…” she swallowed, “we could just leave it here. She doesn’t need us bothering her after all she’s been through.”
She started to move away from the alley, but her brother caught her shoulders.
“We’ve come this far Jori, and she leaves today,” he said, his tone heavy, “we can’t back away now.”
She frowned at him, “Brave words for the one making me go first.”
Jon scratched his head, “You’re the oldest, you gotta take charge in these things.”
Jori opened her mouth to respond, but froze as she saw the tremble in her brother’s fingers.
She sighed, “Ok, I’ll do it,” steeling herself, Jori slapped her cheeks, straightened her back, and spun around.
Only to jump at who she saw.
Though he was without armor or helmet, Helbram was easily recognizable in a small town like Redhaven. He was tall, taller than most in the village, but not so much that it would make him a giant, and there were farmers that possessed broader frames than him. However, none carried the same presence as the adventurer. There was an air to the man that threaded the line between gentle and imposing, as if he could switch between the two at the drop of a hat if needed.
As he loomed over the siblings, he trended towards the latter.
He may have been brought into the village in an unconscious state, but any sign of his incapacitation had vanished over the fortnight that it took for him and his party to recover, letting the full weight of his gaze settle over Jori as he looked the two over with unblinking eyes. His vision eventually settled on the bag next to Jori’s feet, and, after a moment of study, a smile broke from his emotionless guise.
He leaned against the wall and tilted his head towards the alley, “Go to her, we will give you some peace.”
Jori tilted her head, eventually realizing that the “we” Helbram mentioned included Leaf, who stood behind him closer to the tavern’s door. The half elven man looked at them with a frown, one that did not reach his eyes, and turned his gaze back to the street, saying nothing.
Jon prodded her in the back, which was enough to get her moving. She picked up the bag and walked past Helbram, marching into the alleyway with enough force behind her steps to echo through the narrowed path.
Echoes that made Aria turn towards her.
As the sisters’ eyes met, both froze. Jon stumbled into Jori’s back, but upon seeing Aria looking at them stopped in his tracks as well. Their sister’s eyebrows were raised in surprise, and the girl leaned against the auroc at her side for support. Her hands clutched at her brush, and the small shake to her fingers revealed the trepidation that the girl felt at the sight of her siblings. It was a sight that made Jori’s heart fall.
But she pressed on.
She walked closer, taking cautious steps towards her sister as she held the bag in front of her. Aria did not react to her approach, but Jori settled at stopping a stone’s throw away. She knelt down and opened the bag.
Revealing the bundles of clothing within.
“We didn’t know how much you needed…” Jori started, “and we didn’t know what your sizes were, so we gathered all we could.”
“We made sure there weren’t any holes in ‘em either,” Jon added in haste, “they may have been ours but they should last you a long while,” like Jori, his eyes were focused towards the ground and not the girl in front of them.
Their sister said nothing.
“We put some blankets in there too,” Jon said, “I know the cold doesn’t bother you but-”
Jori stomped on her brother’s foot. He winced, but upon realizing what he said kept his lips sealed. Cautiously, she looked up towards Aria, staring at the girl’s lips to avoid her eyes.
No reaction.
They stood in silence, the air between them growing more hollow by the moment. It was an emptiness that started to creep back into Jori’s heart, a sense of futility that told her to turn around and walk away. She clenched her hands into fists and pushed that instinct to the side, forcing herself to look her sister in the eye.
“I’m sorry,” she said, the words cracking as her vision blurred, “for abandoning you, for being scared of you. For being an awful, awful sister,” she blinked furiously to keep her tears from falling, “you deserved so much better, and I know there is nothing I can do to make up for what I have done.”
“What we have done,” Jon said, his voice a trembling mess, “I’m sorry too. Sorry for being such a poor brother, for thinking that what I had done was the only… the right thing to do,” he closed his eyes and took in a deep breath to steady himself, “It’s not our place to say this, but we hope wherever you go you find the happiness you deserve.”
Still, Aria did not respond.
Any bravery that the siblings held vanished at their sister’s silence. Jori’s gaze fell and, when nothing else was said, she spun around to leave, grabbing her brother’s arm.
“I can’t forgive you.”
Jori’s heart shattered to pieces.
The instinct to run swelled within her, to flee from the burden of guilt that crashed against her shoulders. The shake in her brother’s arm told her that Jon felt the same, but neither of them moved.
Whatever was to be said, they deserved.
“The words are there… but as I try to say them, I can only see you as you were before,” Aria said, “The ones who laughed and played outside my door as I could only look on. The ones who ignored me as they continued to be happy, to be loved. I can’t say it, not after all this time.”
Jori could hear the weeping in her sister’s voice, but neither her nor Jon could bring themselves to look back as their own tears streamed down their faces.
“But I can say thank you,” Aria’s footsteps drew closer, “for the clothes… and for trying to save me.”
It was the sibling’s time to be silent.
“We may never see each other again, but I hope the best for the both of you.”
An impulse washed over Jori then, an urge to turn around and embrace her sister, to cry into the girl’s shoulders and let her do the same, to be like siblings should have been.
But it was too late for that.
“We hope the best for you too,” Jori said, unable to face her sister. She went to say more, but the words caught at her throat.
Unable to take anymore, Jori ran, letting the desire to escape take over. She hurried past the Helbram and Leaf into the street, her steps carrying her far enough into Redhaven that they were out of sight. Jon was at her side, and when their sprint could carry them no further they collapsed to the ground, chests heaving as their sobs hindered their ability to catch their breath.
Tears flowed from their eyes, unending as they traced down their cheeks, splashing onto the street as they continued to cry. They ignored the stares of the townsfolk that walked by, too lost in the tide of emotions that carried them this far. When the tears finally slowed, Jori could still feel the sorrow within her chest, the pain that dug into her heart, unable to leave.
But it had faded.
Their sister’s words did not relieve Jori of the burden of guilt, but it had reduced it to a dull ache. One that she could live with.
Must live with.
Jori wiped the tears from her eyes and stood up. She held a hand out to Jon and, after her brother wiped his face, he took it with a firm grip as she helped him up. They met each other’s gaze and shared a nod. They had to continue on, to be the best that they could be, for their sake.
For their sister’s wishes.
___
Aria watched her siblings disappear from the alley’s exit. When they were gone, the grip on her brush relaxed and she let go of the breath that she was holding. She looked towards the bag in front of her and knelt down. Curiosity fueled her hands then, placing the brush down and pulling a piece of clothing from the parcel. It revealed itself to be a shirt as it unfolded, the size only a tad larger than what she needed. It was weaved from a white cloth, and in every way was unremarkable.
Yet the sight of it made her happy.
Her thoughts were interrupted by the sound of oncoming footsteps. Helbram and Leaf approached, and while the usual frown-faced man looked at her with some concern, his companion was more relaxed, yet somehow focused at the same time.
Helbram knelt down in front of her, “Are you alright?”
Aria nodded, “I don’t know if it was the right thing to say.”
He put his hand on her head, “Yours is a situation that is a bit more complicated than right or wrong,” he admitted, “and in such times it is better to instead ask this: did you do all that you needed to do?”
She looked down, thinking for a moment, but moved her gaze up to match his, “Yes, I did.”
Helbram smiled at her, “Then that, for now, is all that matters,” he ruffled her hair and stood up, taking the bag into his hand. He held it out for her to put the shirt back into it and held it out to Leaf, who took it as he walked over to Bessie.
“I’ll get her sorted out,” Leaf said, “now go do what you have to do.”
Helbram let out a breath and looked to Aria, “Are you ready?”
She nodded, one that he returned.
He turned towards the tavern’s side door, but waited for Aria to walk ahead of him before he followed. As they walked through The Wandering Fowl’s kitchen, she caught sight of both Elly and Jahora packing various foodstuffs. The taller woman bit into an apple absentmindedly as she peered into the tavern’s icebox. As she noticed them walk by, her ears perked up, and she met Helbram’s eyes with a knowing gaze. Jahora caught sight of them next, saying nothing but flashing Aria an encouraging smile as they walked through the door and into the tavern’s main hall.
She walked up the building’s stairs and down the hallway of rooms that composed its second floor. As her hand reached towards the door that lay at the end of the path, Helbram placed his hand on the doorknob in her stead.
“Are you certain of this?” he asked, his tone measured, but unable to hide the concern beneath.
The weight of the question gave rise to the doubt that sat beneath her determination. Given what had transpired… it would not be wrong of her to leave the door closed, to leave what lay beyond it behind her.
But her heart said otherwise.
Steeling herself, Aria straightened her back and took in a deep breath, “Yes.”
Helbram patted her shoulder, “Then do what you must.”
He opened the door and followed after her as she walked in, facing the two people at the opposite side of the room.
Cora and Erik.
The two Shade’s were still bound, their hands restricted behind their back with Sealing Cuffs while rope tied their legs together. In all practical ways they could do no harm, but that did not stop the flutter that Aria could feel stirring in her chest. Whilst Erik maintained a neutral expression upon noticing Aria, Cora’s own dejected guise shifted to surprise as her eyes fell upon her. Surprise that gave way to something else, though Aria could not tell what. The girl stepped further into the room, and while Helbram did not loom over her, he shifted his position so that she was never out of his reach.
Aria’s lips trembled as she searched for the words to speak, her breath shaking as they refused to form. She squeezed her hands in frustration, the fluttering in her chest now a rapid pounding as she could not form a sentence no matter how hard she tried. She’d ruminated over it far before this moment, yet the sight of the couple, their silence as they waited for her to speak, pushed all those thoughts from her mind. In its place she could only remember Erik and Cora as they were. That kindly man who fed her, who treated her as something more than a monster to be ignored, to be shunned. The bright woman who sat her in her lap and brushed her hair, giving her the warmth of a mother she never had.
She knew that is not who they were, that it was an act meant to make her like them, to feel indebted to them.
But it felt real, the happiness that it gave her was real, and it was that which stopped the words at her throat. She looked to the floor, unable to look at the two any longer, but took in a deep breath and closed her eyes.
“Thank you,” she said, “for taking care of me.”
It was a selfish thing to say, something that she could blurt out without damaging the fragile integrity of memories based on falsehood. She’d meant to confront them, but could only find the words to run away.
“Aria.”
She looked up, heart stopping as her eyes met with Cora’s. Gone was the woman’s previous madness, that twisted look in her eyes as she called her a name that was not hers. In its place was the same Cora that she always knew. The one who always wore a smile, who always looked at her with warmth. It was a falsehood, she knew that.
Yet it brought her comfort all the same.
“It is we who should say thank you,” she said, “for giving us a warmth that we’d not felt in so, so long. And it is we who should say sorry, for trying to take that warmth for ourselves.”
“Live your life, Aria.”
The girl’s gaze drifted to Erik, and she could see that man that she’d met in the alley, that man who made her feel like she belonged, and the memories of that moment brought tears to her eyes.
“Walk the path you want to walk, and let none steer you from it,” he said, “it is not our place to say such things, I know, but we should say it nonetheless.”
“May the Matron keep your path clear, your steps steady,” Cora said
Aria bit her lip, and she felt the impulse to walk up and embrace them, but she stopped herself. Even if they were sincere, she could not forget who they truly were, no matter how much her heart wished to. Still, the desire grew, and the tears started to flow down her face. She smiled at the couple and gave a firm nod, then turned and made for the door.
“You take care of her, you hear me?” Cora said to Helbram.
Aria felt his hand on her shoulder as she stopped at the door. He opened it and gently pushed her forward.
“Of that, you should have no doubt.”
___
Ren stood outside The Wandering Fowl, taking in the brisk Winter air as he stood in the street without a coat. The townsfolk looked at him as if he was mad, but that was no different than the look they’d given all of them upon their return. They did give him a wider berth today, but that was due to the wagon that had been moved to the street. A wheeless construct, the vehicle was held aloft by the crystal located in its undercarriage, one that radiated a green light as Aether coursed through it and the rest of the wagon. Various crates and bags were stuffed under its roof, and it was in the process of being loaded even further as Helbram’s party shoved various bags and foodstuffs into its bed. Had he not known that the magitek design meant that their auroc would feel little of the burden, he would have been inclined to feel pity for the beast.
Part of him still did as Elly stuffed a burgeoning sack of books into an already crowded space.
“Do you think you have enough?” he mused towards the group, “one would think you meant to start a village with all you’re taking.”
Helbram, who just walked out of the wagon’s bed, laughed. He walked up to the Cleric while dusting his hands.
“Winter will prove to be a harsh mistress this year,” he said, “and while I have every faith that our hunter is up to the task of keeping us provided, I’d rather not place such a burden upon him.”
“That, and we’d rather not taste bitter herbs for a spell,” Jahora said as she adjusted Aria’s coat, “a month away from such flavors is much too short.”
Leaf’s head poked from behind the wagon, “Oi, if the plants bite back then it's good for ya, don’t blame me for having the wisdom to recognize it.”
“Oh we have the wisdom,” Elly said as she joined Helbram at his side, “we just choose to embrace comfort in its stead.”
“Bunch of soft bellied louts, the lot of ya.”
Aria giggled as Leaf’s grumbles faded into the background. She took Jahora’s hand as the Mage guided her towards Ren. The smaller woman was all smiles when she looked at the girl, but as her eyes cut to the side wariness flashed through her features.
Leon sat on the stairs leading into the tavern. His hands were still bound, and rather than meeting anyone’s eyes he kept his eyes to the ground. Ren frowned as he looked at his companion, partially regretting his decision to push Leon to at least see the party off. He encouraged it anyways; the alternative just didn’t feel right.
He just hoped Leon felt the same.
As Leaf finished adjusting Bessie’s harness, he jogged up and joined with his companions, his caution towards Ren’s companion less concealed than the others as he glared in the Black Cloak’s direction.
“So where are you off to, after all this?” Helbram asked Ren.
“As we originally planned,” the Cleric said, “we make for Blade’s Rest, meeting up with a larger cohort before we travel back to headquarters,” he scratched his head, “Winter will prolong our travels a fair bit, but we’d best be moving as quick as possible now that we’ve fully recovered.”
“Of that, we are of similar minds,” Elly said.
“What of you? If you don’t mind me asking.”
“Whitebridge,” Helbram said, “it was where we were heading before all this, and we see no reason not to continue on.”
Ren rubbed his chin, “Whitebridge eh? That is quite the journey…” he looked to Aria. The girl was not cautious around him, he could sense that she was on edge. No doubt due to Leon’s presence. And given his companions actions… she had every right to be.
As he looked upon her, however, he thought towards Erik and Cora, about how they knew that she would be in such a remote village like Redhaven. As he did, he removed the symbol of Velendel from his neck and placed his hand over it. The matching eye on his forehead glowed with a golden light as he made an effort of will, casting a spell over the amulet that left it glowing for a moment before the light faded away. He walked over to Jahora and knelt down in front of the Mage, presenting the amulet to her. She looked at him in confusion, and did not reach for the necklace.
“I am not certain, but I believe someone may possess the means to find Aria from afar. That is the only way I can think of to explain why Erik and Cora decided to settle here of all places.”
“A Scryer, perhaps?” Elly inquired, “Though typically their reach is fairly limited.”
“For the average one, yes,” Ren admitted, “but were the Scryer a Shade… then it may very well be possible,” he looked back at Jahora, “concealment magics are not my speciality, but with enough of Velendel’s grace I do believe that wearing this will keep Aria from their watchful gaze, though the enchantment will need refreshing often. And I do recognize it is suspicious of me to provide this under such pretenses, but I ask that you trust me in this.”
Jahora looked into his eyes and, after a moment, took the amulet from him. She directed her attention to Aria, who had her eyes narrowed in clear effort to keep up with the conversation.
“Do you want to wear this?” she asked the girl, holding the necklace out to her.
Aria reached out and touched the amulet, brow furrowed as she ran her fingers along its various ridges, “It feels… warm.”
The girl nodded and let Jahora put it on her. When the Mage did, Aria looked at it again.
“It’s a bit ugly though,” she said before slipping it under her coat.
Ren snorted, “Of that, we are in agreement.”
“Are you certain of this?” Helbram asked, “I have little knowledge in the ways of divine magic, but a Cleric without their Symbol strikes me as something of a hindrance.”
“We’d hardly be that forminable if a bit of jewelry was our lifeline,” Ren said as he stood up, “Please, pay it no mind. Besides, this is the perfect opportunity to get a new one, perhaps one not so garish,” he winked at Aria, and she smiled at him.
“Well, thank you, again,” Helbram said as he held out his hand, “when we next meet, the round is on me.”
Ren smiled and took the man’s hand, “Multiple rounds, perhaps? I’ve a feeling my superiors will be placing me in a drinking mood soon enough.”
Helbram chuckled, “That can be arranged.”
As they let go of one another Ren clapped his hands, “I’ve delayed you long enough, you’d best be off before Spring sets in.”
The party smiled at him and made their way to the wagon.
All except Helbram.
The man marched towards Leon, who’s posture remained unchanging at his approach. Even if the Black Cloak didn’t look at him, Helbram held his hand out.
“Farewell Leon,” he said, “I hope if we cross swords again it will be as we did the first time, not the last.”
Leon didn’t look up.
Helbram sighed, but rather than drop his hand, he gave Leon a quick pat on the shoulder and went to join his party. Before long their wagon disappeared from Ren’s sight, and his companion still did not move.
The Cleric took a seat next to Leon, “It is going to be quite the burden if I have to transport three bound people,” he said.
The Black Cloak remained silent.
Frowning, Ren made to move back into the tavern, but stopped as Leon finally spoke.
“She seemed so… normal.”
“Aria? Yes, the seal is broken but she appears to be in control of herself,” Ren mused, “an interesting development for one as young as her, but it is not unheard of to gain control of one’s Shade.”
“It was out of control Ren, a power that I had not seen since… since…” he fell silent.
“And yet, there she was, hale and hearty as any child should be.”
“I know… I know,” there was a growing frustration in Leon’s voice, “And it has made me think. Had I called out enough, urged him enough… would he still be here today?”
Ren heart ached for his friend, “We can’t know that.”
“And yet, now we have an idea,” Leon said, “proof that such a thing is possible,” tears dropped from Leon’s face as he looked up, “I was so certain he was lost Ren, and the look he gave me told me he thought so as well, but there she was, in the same position, the same abyss of hopelessness, and she came back.”
There was nothing Ren could say to that.
“How many? How many have I killed thinking that they were too far gone? Thinking that I was putting an end… stopping tragedy before it could happen?” He buried his head in his hands, “I’m sorry Astraeus, I’m so sorry…”
Ren walked in front of his companion and pulled him up, “Look at me Leon.”
When he refused to do so, the Cleric forced his gaze up. The Black Cloak’s eyes were red, and the despair beneath them seemed bottomless.
“I understand your grief,” he said, “And I know that you need time to process all of it, but what you can’t let it do is drag you under. Doing so will not help anyone. It will not honor your brother’s memory.”
Leon closed his eyes.
“Let us make our way back to headquarters, and when we are in more stable conditions, we can work through all of this. We can’t afford to fall apart now, do you understand?”
His companion’s breaths slowed as he controlled himself. When his eyes finally opened, a measure of control had returned. Grief still sat behind them, but for now it did not overwhelm Leon, and that was all Ren could ask for at the moment.
“I understand,” the Black Cloak said.
“Good,” Ren unbound the man’s arms, “and when we get back, know that you will always have my aid. We’ll get through this, of that I have no doubt.”
Leon clasped his arm, “Thank you, truly.”
Ren returned the gesture, “What are friends for?”
___
Helbram yawned as he stretched, leaning back on the wagon’s driver seat.
“Don’t you start with that,” Leaf fussed, “We’ve been on the road for barely an hour.”
“I am afraid I must,” Helbram objected in an overly dramatic tone, “my injuries have left me weakened and unable to handle the wear and tear of the road.”
Leaf pressed his lips thin and rolled his eyes.
Elly snorted from within the wagon, “Perhaps you need a distraction? I could teach you how to use a needle so you may be of some use.”
Helbram looked back at her. The Weaver held the sleeve of a pair of pants in her hands, her hands moving with practiced precision as the needle in her fingers glided in and out of the cloth.
“Nonsense,” Helbram said, “I would only slow you down.”
“Perhaps,” she admitted, “but the company would be appreciated.”
She smiled as they both looked at Aria and Jahora. They both leaned against each other as they slept, a contentment on both their faces that was enough to banish any thoughts of waking them from their nap.
“Another time, perhaps,” Helbram said in a quieter tone.
“I’ll hold you to that.”
He flashed her a smile before turning back in his seat, noting Leaf’s now serious expression.
“Everything alright?”
His companion scratched his head, “Honestly I’m just feeling a bit out of my depth. I don’t know how to raise a child, nor one that happens to be a font of magic,” he sighed, “I’m just trying to process it all.”
Hebram rubbed his chin, “It is quite a lot to take in, I admit, but it is not as if you are doing this alone,” he snorted, “I know Jahora would raise quite the objection were you solely in charge of her care.”
Leaf laughed, “That she would… but still, it’s just… overwhelming.”
“It is, and the how of it all escapes me even now, but I know it is something that we must do.”
“Together,” Elly added.
Helbram nodded, “Together.”
Leaf shook his headband and chuckled, “Well now I just feel foolish. Onwards then?”
Helbram pointed down the road.
“Onwards.”

Hedge Knight Arc Four: The Cursed Child
End.
First / Previous
Author's Note: And there we have it, the end of another arc. Still not gonna get over how I said this was going to be a shorter one and it somehow matched the last arc in length. Overall I'm happy with how this one turned out. It's smaller stakes than the last arc, but I think it was a good exploration of the characters, especially Jahora, Leon, and Aria, and that's kind of the reason I try and keep things small scale like this. I'm finding myself enjoying the character dynamics more and more as I write this story, and I feel like its important to explore these interactions fully to really build investment not only with the party, but any events that may happen to them. To that end I toned back the action a bit, aside from the duel, so we can have a full explosive finish. One that admittedly mentally fried me as I tried to make sense of all that as happening, but I think I prefer that over having action for action's sake.
But, the story will continue! Lots of threads were thrown out here and I did try to wrap up some of the immediate ones, but there are also plenty that could possibly be explored down the line. The focus will remain on Helbram and his party of course, but I do like giving the sense that there is something else going on within the world beyond what the party is seeing.
Let me know what you thought of this arc! Did you prefer this over the last arc and is there anything that stands out in this arc that you either liked/disliked. I'm always trying to improve and your feedback goes a really long way to making sure this is the best content I can make for you.
Till next time everyone, have a good one!
If you wish to read ahead and gain access to the audiobook version of this story, consider supporting me on Patreon (https://patreon.com/criticalscribe). If you want to leave a donation, here is my Ko-fi (https://ko-fi.com/criticalscribe).

I'm post-chemo and in remission except for my bi-monthly Rituxan infusions.
My stomach always feels bloated and distended and I pass a lot of gas some days. I have to eat small meals because I can't hold as much as I used to. When I bend over, my stomach feels really full. I have'nt gained any wieght so I'm guessing this is chemo belly?.

I feel so bad even typing this out but i need to get it off my chest 😭
My friend is one of the few people im close to at college and she’s genuinely a really nice person but shes been going through it recently and i obviously want to be there for her but im not in a super great place either and her constant ranting is getting to me.
Im really happy she’s able to confide in me but i cant be there to reassure her whenever she has a small issue. Everyday she has a new problem and i have to hear her rant about it through text and call. She had a situationship/talking stage in December and shes still not over him. Now i have to hear about him every other day… and even during the situationship i would stay on call with her for 5-7 hours sometimes cause he hadnt texted back and she would be losing her mind.
My parents dont like her(they dont like any of my friends) and shes taken it too personal. Its not even that they dont like her, its just that most parents love her and mine dont. I have to hear her complain about it everyday and honestly ive tried telling her so many times that its not personal but she wouldn’t stop and put the blame on me… I cant magically make my parents like her and she barely even meets them. One of the reasons they dont love her is we’re on break and she calls me everyday.
Its either her complaining about work, talking about her ex situationship or talking about a man. She would go into full detail about a new friend she’s made thats a guy and i really dont want to know that much about him. This is going to sound rude but im happy she made a new friend cause shes stopped calling me everyday and calls him instead 😭
And omg whenever i go to her with my issues she turns it into a joke ( not all the time). Its like she takes offense to every single thing but when i have a problem its now funny.
Again i feel so bad that ive spoken this much about her 😭 cause shes actually a sweetheart. I think i just need my space from her

Traditionally I've been strictly a shorts and T-shirt/short-sleeve henley kind of guy for almost my entire wardrobe, barring some dress clothes. Recently though, I've been wanting to expand into new styles. However, I've been struggling on a number of fronts.
Firstly, I've struggled with the fit on a lot of what I've tried out so far. I'm 6'1" and about 245lb and while I'm down 100lbs from several years ago, I will never have a thin body type (even when I'm in shape I just have a thick frame). So, I find that I struggle a lot getting the right size across the chest and shoulders, without going up another size, which I often ends up looking like I'm swimming in it. The shirts will fit if I stand still, but if I try to move my arms up even a little, it starts feeling super tight across the chest, shoulders, and upper back, and the bottom of the shirt rises with my arms significantly (can't even reach out for a handshake without showing off the bottom of my stomach with some of them 😅). Meanwhile, I have some expensive dress shirts and cheap t-shirts/henleys where it's not a problem at all. So I don't know if it's something I need to be mindful of with the tailoring or what.
Second, I run wicked hot and my body is like a furnace; so any attempts to wear layers, or anything but super light materials leaves me a hot sweaty mess (hence the prior exclusive shorts and short-sleeve shirts haha).
Finally, I just find a lot of men's fashion styles seem really boring or repetitive. It just feels like there's not a lot of varied options out there and it all kinda breaks down into the same groupings: button-ups (plain or with plaid/striped patterns) or polos for tops, and chinos or jeans for bottoms. I feel like women can just have a lot more fun with designing their outfits with the huge variety they have.

Hello everyone, I’ve been researching what I could be going through and have stumbled upon MCAS. I’m sorry but this is going to be a long post. So, TLDR; developed some symptoms in late teens and sudden onslaught at 22. Symptoms include:
-itching with/without bumps and or causes
-intense reaction to skin being punctured and bug bites
-possible histamine intolerance
-bloating
-intolerant of foods I used to eat
-nausea
-lower stomach pain
-brain fog
-fatigue
I’ve recently been having constant bloating and nausea with frequent abdominal pain. I’ve been to the doctor and they don’t seem to really care (told me to drink water and eat more). Eating makes me sick and it’s a struggle for me to find something I can tolerate. I also have a whole slew of other symptoms, but I will get to that later..
I’m currently waiting on the results to a bunch of allergy blood tests. My doctor thinks I may have some food allergies which I didn’t really understand since I haven’t had any all my life (I’m 22yrs old). In recent years it does seem like I’ve developed a lactose intolerance and a red meat allergy, yet it hasn’t been consistent. I thought it was due to hormone fluctuations from potential endometriosis (my mom is diagnosed). As it seemed to be worse when I was close to my period but I could tolerate it fine otherwise.
My doctor did test my vitamin D level recently and it was super low (deficient). I chalked up all my symptoms to that but I’ve gotten my vitamin D levels up with no improvement. I have a history of overall fatigue and generally just feel sick/unwell. Back in 2019 I found out I was severely anemic and that made sense to me. However, it didn’t take long for me to get my iron levels back up yet I still felt about the same. I still attributed all my symptoms to anemia tho (thinking that whenever I felt unwell I just needed to eat iron-rich foods).
I was a straight A student all my life but have now dropped out of college because of how much I struggle with mental fog, fatigue, and insomnia. I would be fine up until I couldn’t retain any information and struggled to get out of bed and just exist.
There are times where everything is just a chore (like eating and showering). When I get up I get lightheaded, my ears start ringing, I can feel my heart pounding, and sometimes get blurry vision. I’ve been this way for a few years just trying to pretend like everything is okay and not to worry anyone, yet no one seems to take me seriously when I say I feel like I’m about to pass out (I’ve never fully fainted before but I feel like I’ve been extremely close to it).
As far as I can remember I’ve never had any allergic reactions, except for getting shots. I’ve always been really sensitive to needles (the vaccinated area becomes red, swollen, and hot accompanied with a fever). The doctors always said that was normal and nothing to worry about. It’s made me not like getting shots, but I’m not afraid of them. It’s irked me cause my mom acts like I’m just scared of needles when that is far from the truth.
I’ve also been sensitive to mosquito bites (swollen and hot to the touch even without scratching them). Everyone has also acted like this is normal and I didn’t think much of it either.
This last year I woke up with a sharp pain in my arm to discover what I believe was a spider bite. It developed into a large red bump that was hot to the touch and mimicked a black widow bite (severe muscle pain that spread through the limb, tingling, and fever). There was also another bite on my finger of the same arm with the same pain. I never saw the spider but did find fang marks. I don’t know whether it was really a black widow that bit me or an extreme reaction to a bug bite. It took weeks for the swelling to go down and for the pain to fully subside. As I had just recovered from that bite, I got bit by what I assumed was a mosquito on my fingertip on that same arm. That bite just got progressively worse and swelled to the point where I could hardly bend it anymore. It was red and swollen and I had no idea what the true cause was so my parents took me to the doctor. We ended up going to the hospital and they didn’t take me seriously (I don’t blame them it was just a swollen finger and I wasn’t in that much pain). I would’ve just gone to urgent care but they were closed on that day. So they just prescribed me two different antibiotics and sent me away. I wasn’t worried about any reactions to the meds because I had been on several different antibiotics in the past for various infections. Within 30 minutes of taking both antibiotics I broke out in hives (first time in my life). At first I thought I had a mosquito bite but then more and more popped up all over my body on exposed skin and underneath clothing. My dad took me to urgent care and they didn’t take me seriously. It’s a 30 minute drive away from where I live and the “hives” had started to go down by the time they saw me. The doctor I saw said it couldn’t have been the antibiotics because it wouldn’t have effected me that fast and that what I had wasn’t hives (but didn’t really explain what happened to me either). I told him about what happened to my finger and he suggested I may have a histamine intolerance.
That kind of made sense to me especially because he talked about skin writing which I vaguely remember doing as a kid. I can lightly scratch or prolong press on my skin and it will swell up temporarily.
As a result, I was prescribed cetirizine and have been taking it every day, sometimes twice. It did seem to help with my finger (it eventually went down) and also alleviate some bug bites I’ve had in the meantime. I was really hoping a histamine intolerance would solve more of the problems that I’ve been having but after trying a low histamine diet I still struggle with bloating, nausea, and abdominal pain.
I believed that was all due to hormone fluctuations with my menstrual cycle but it has become a daily problem now. It just keeps getting worse and I don’t know why. I’ve also had ovarian cysts and thought that might be the cause (especially for the abdominal discomfort), but my recent ultrasound came up clear.
Recently, I woke up in extreme agony from my lower stomach. I just knew something was wrong whether it was a ruptured cyst or my appendix or something. I could hardly walk and tears just streamed down my face from the pain. My parents rushed me out but by the time we got close to the hospital my pain was starting to get better so I went to urgent care instead. The doctor that saw me made me uncomfortable and just suggested my pain was due to me being a woman and suggested I see a gynecologist. He still ordered a urine sample (idk what test) and said that depending on the result he would schedule an ultrasound (pelvic or other). It took weeks but I finally got a call from the imaging place to schedule a transvaginal ultrasound (no word on the urine test just assuming it was clear). I’ve gotten the results back which is how I know that I do not currently have a cyst, yet I might have PCOS.
I’m also struggling with bicep tendinitis and a small (tear?) to my rotator cuff. I have no idea what caused that as I haven’t really exerted myself and have been trying to take it easy yet it hasn’t seemed to be healing. Idk if this could be related to MCAS but am bringing it up as part of my whole slew of unexplained medical problems. I was once really active and participated in all kinds of sports yet now I can hardly think about any form of exercise.
My symptoms seem to only be getting progressively worse and I still have no idea what the cause is. I’ve only just read about MCAS and it definitely sounds like a lot of what I have going on, but I want to hear from the people who actually have it and can describe/understand what I describe to see if I should pressure my doctofind a new doctor for treatment. Thanks for reading and for your time. I welcome any insight into what I could be dealing with.

Today: went to the bathroom mushy and almost diarrhea twice, I did eat cooked carrots last night had mircogreens with salmon for breakfast and less then a spoonful of yogurt, don’t know if that’s why I’m going like that today. As of right now really no stomach pain
Yesterday: Woke up belch burping like crazy but had no pain in stomach just gassy at times, could eat more today but notice for awhile now I get acid reflux and depending on the food could be worse and only time I feel some pain is when I feel above my belly button when I press in I get a weird dull pain then it fades away. Overall I’m belch burping a lot and having lots of acid reflux and burning in stomach on and off. I could burp for an hour straight even without eating anything. I know my period is due in a few but I’m concerned I could have h pylori or stomach cancer. I saw many young people have stomach cancer in their 20s
Other day: still belching not as gassy in the moment, above belly button still feels a bit weird but pain went away and toward the left side a bit feels like a balloon at times then I belch and feel better. Overall don’t feel as bad as last night under belly button it is sensitive to touch a bit. Have burning in stomach after eating
Yesterday: Was feeling better even had somewhat of a normal bowel movement, later on I pressed right above my belly button going a little bit to the left and I got a dull burning pain going up a bit and around belly button and now it hasn’t left and I can’t stop belch burping again. I have been taking Zantac and it has been helping me keeping that pain bloated gas feeling away but not so much today maybe it’s also because I took ibuprofen and also I do not have a fever but my period is due in 8 days. Basically it feels like someone punch me in the stomach now
Say before: stomach feels kinda better today, went to the bathroom felt like I had a wall on the side of my rectum with sharp pain went very small stool and sorry for the tmi but it smelled horrible, besides that my face has been feeling flushed took my temperature and it’s between 100- 99.7 I’ve been highly stressed and my vertigo has been really bad today. Stomach overall as I said feels a bit better but kinda also feels like someone has punched me in my stomach/lower abdomen
Few days ago: Light sharp pain around my belly button that goes down to my uterus (kinda) and light pain around the belly button especially when pushing down around my belly button it feels funny weird light sharp pain and lower stomach pain area. Pressing around the area feels sensitive hurts a bit near my hips down, gassy and feeling slightly better after burping also symptoms could act up more after eating or when feeling more anxious. Took Zantac last night helped me a bit
Female/24, Back in January I’m not sure if I had a stomach bug or after years my ibs came back but for like two months I couldn’t really eat and belch burp a lot, after sometime it all kinda went away but my bathroom habits i noticed kinda changed. Recently few weeks ago I came down with a cold and was taking a lot of honey which I think cause me to get a flare up again with ibs and I was also extremely nervous under a lot of stress due to personal reasons, was constipated then started to go more normal once I added more veggies into my diet but I started having to be careful what I ate as I would have to run to the bathroom or start burping like crazy then last Sunday I felt everything kind of calmed down til Monday morning where I woke up feeling fine went to go eat some left over zucchini and within an hour I started to burp like crazy and have really bad cramps and kept going to the bathroom floating stools with watery D. also got a hive. Since Monday I have not been the same I can’t eat can’t even have water just some gatorade everything makes me burp like crazy for hours gives me lots of gas and hurts my stomach. Basically the gas, burping nonstop, and diarrhea/floating stools are back. I did feel like a band wrapped around my tummy whenever I ate something other then rice and some soreness in the right upper side of my stomach there the other day but I also did do a workout that did and haven’t felt anything today, also had some light pain that would go into my back for a bit but that stop as well.. right side has always stick out been bigger then the other side of my upper stomach for years. I know that I’ve been having a lot of stevia in my stuff recently and I just ovulated yesterday lastly I deal with vertigo and back attacks that put my body in fear mode overall I do have a very nervous stomach and all the pains feel like gas pains
I’m in a toxic relationship and have family issues I’m always anxious and stressed

So, having created my Runesmith Archetype as well as a Khazalid Runework mechanic, I'm going to build four more archetypes, each representing an aspect of Duardin society. It is strongly encouraged that you check out my Runesmith archetype, because at least two of these archetypes start with runes.
First we have the Warden Prince - a frontline fighter who also has some room to dabble in leadership or diplomacy skills.
Then there's the Cogsmith - a character with high crafting who is primarily focused on ranged damage using black powder weaponry, but also gets bonuses when operating war machines or artillery.
After that is the Ranger - a versatile class that specializes in stealth and ranged combat, but also has the tools needed to be a decent frontline fighter in a pinch.
Lastly there is the Alms Matron. The Alms Matron is a name I pulled from a novel called Chronicles of the Wanderer. From what I gather they're basically the Priestesses of Valaya. The Alms Matron is primarily a support class who can use Miracles - I've taken a bunch of thematic miracles from Alarielle, Grimnir, and Grungni, and reflavoured them around Valaya. She also has access to a number of skills and talents that may serve the party outside of combat.
All-in-all I feel like I've laid the groundwork to have a relatively balanced well-rounded party consisting of nothing but Dispossessed.
WARDEN PRINCE
Warden Kings are the rulers of the Dispossessed Clans, and like most Kings, they require heirs. A Warden Prince is the son of a Warden King. From a young age they are trained to fight and to lead, with the expectation that their father shall not live forever. However only one of these children - the eldest son - can take their father's throne. Which then raises the question of what the remainder will do. Some serve the new King as generals and advisors, while others are married off to prominent figures within the clan, or to different clans entirely.
Others become Soulbound.
Many young Dispossessed Princes (and Princesses) who find themselves low in the line of succession leap at the chance to join a Binding. It is an opportunity to earn glory for themselves and their clan without forever remaining in the shadow of their older siblings, and it is also a respectable way to avoid being assigned an unwanted marriage. It also provides a chance to travel the Mortal Realms and potentially even explore the lost Karaks - many Soulbound Warden Princes dream of the day they can say they were the first to set foot in their clan's ancestral home in over five centuries.
A Warden Prince is a trained and well-equipped fighter, who due to the length of Duardin lifespans may already have decades of experience under their belt. Not only can they fight, but they can also lead - having been raised with the expectation that they will play a commanding role in either the court or the armies of their father or one of their brothers. It is possible that a Warden Prince may even have experience leading Throngs into battle. Beyond that, Warden Princes are also royalty, which may prove to be a boon when interacting with the aristocracy of other factions. Thus they are a welcome addition to any Binding of Order.
While travelling with the Binding, a Warden Prince may insist that they explore any lost Karaks they discover if it does not interfere with the Binding's other obligations. The Prince may wish to either scout them out for possible reclamation, or recover lost treasures. The Prince may appear enthusiastic about this at first, but once they finally walk the empty halls they may find themselves becoming depressed, melancholy, or even angry as they are struck by the full reality of their people's fall from glory.
Attributes

• Body: 4
• Mind: 2
• Soul: 2

Core Talent: Mountain Stance (Champions of Order - ignore the "Alarith Stoneguard" requirement.)
Talents (Choose 3)

• Ancestral Grudge (Champions of Order)
• Armour Expert (Champions of Order)
• Bulwark
• Crushing Blow
• Diplomat
• Duelist (Champions of Order)
• Intimidating Manner
• Lead The Way (Champions of Order)
• Opportunist
• Rending Blow
• Shield Mastery

Core Skill: Weapon Skill
Skills (7 XP)

• Athletics
• Awareness
• Determination
• Dexterity
• Fortitude
• Guile
• Intimidation
• Intuition
• Lore
• Might
• Reflexes
• Weapon Skill

Equipment

• Choose Between: Warhammer and Shield, Battleaxe and Shield, Greataxe, or Greathammer.
• Common Heavy Armour.
• One Weapon Rune or Shield Rune (see my Runesmithing Class for more information.)
• A map of one of the eight Mortal Realms, displaying all known Karaks within it (including yours) as well as the passages between them. The map is a copy of a more ancient work, dated during the height of the Khazalid Empire. It may have other landmarks on it as well (such as Realmgates) but it dates back to the Age of Myth and therefore may be unreliable. The map is neatly folded and stored in a well-crafted airtight case of wood and metal.
• 50 Drops of Aqua Ghyranis.

COGSMITH
The Ironweld Arsenal - the great union of Duardin and Human Engineering. As Engineers of the Ironweld Arsenal, Cogsmiths are vital to the Cities of Sigmar war machine. Working closely with their human counterparts, they design, build, maintain, and repair the machinery, vehicles, artillery, and firearms wielded by Sigmar's mortal armies.
It is perhaps little surprise then that many Cogsmiths are happy to become Soulbound. An extended lifespan and ample opportunity to test out their new inventions aside, they are also well-accustomed to working alongside and learning from other Order factions. The Cogsmiths for their part bring a lot to the table - they are expert tinkerers, able to help repair and even improve the weapons of their Binding. They are well-versed in war machines and vehicles, able to get more out of them than most. A Cogsmith is also a formidable combatant in their own right, possessing experience with a wide array of firearms and war marchines.
Attributes

• Body: 2
• Mind: 4
• Soul: 1

Core Talent: Ironweld Engineer (see below)
Talents (Choose Three)

• Combat Ready
• Combat Repairs
• Crack Shot (Champions of Order)
• Creator (Champions of Order)
• Forbidden Knowledge
• Gunslinger
• Incidential Incendiaries (Steam and Steel)
• Point Blank Range
• Quick Reload
• Tinkerer (Steam and Steel)
• Savvy
• Scholar

Core Skill: Crafting
Skills (9XP)

• Arcana
• Awareness
• Ballistic Skill
• Crafting
• Determination
• Dexterity
• Guile
• Lore
• Reflexes

Equipment

• Choose between: Rifle, or Blunderbuss, or two Repeater Pistols.
• Choose between: Warhammer or Repeater Pistol.
• Common Medium Armour.
• Smith's Tools.
• Engineering Plans and Schematics.
• 50 Drops of Aqua Ghyranis

Ironweld Engineer
You are a member in good standing of the Ironweld Arsenal. Whenever you are operating a war machine, a vehicle, or a weapon mounted on a vehicle, and you are required to make a Ballistics Skill, you may choose to either gain double dice from your Training in Ballistics Skill or substitute your Crafting Skill instead - whichever one is more likely to yield a better result.
In addition to this, as an Endeavour and with 50D worth of crafting materials you can spend one week tinkering with a handheld non-Aetheric firearm to improve it. With three attempts, if you pass an Extended Crafting Test of DN 5:8, you may apply one of the following upgrades:

• Improved Sights: When using this firearm, the wielder's accuracy increases by one step.
• Longer Barrel: The firearm's range is extended by one zone.
• Double Barrel: The firearm now has a second barrel. When you make an attack with this weapon, you may either treat it as a dual-wielding attack and split your dice pool, or as a single attack that does 2 extra damage. Unfortunately, whatever weapon you apply this to also gains the Reload trait if it does not have it already.
• Armour-Piercing: The firearm gains the Penetrating Trait.
• Armour-Breaking: The firearm gains the Rend Trait.

Only two of these upgrades may be active on a weapon at a time. They are not permanent and can be changed.
DISPOSSESSED RANGER
When asked to describe the natural gifts of the Duardin, few would ever think to list stealth as one of them. But it is - if they put their mind to it. Rangers fulfill a vital niche in Duardin armies - that of scouts, skirmishers, infiltrators, and sharpshooters. In the days of the Khazalid Empire, it was the rangers who kept borders clear of Monsters, Greenskins, and Beastmen. It was the rangers who would not only warn settlements of incoming attack, but also harry and harass the foe by any means necessary while the Throngs were mustered. Even today long after the Khazalid Empire's fall, the Dispossessed Clans have find use for rangers. Indeed, it was the rangers who weathered the Fall the easiest, for they were accustomed to wandering without a home.
The life of a Ranger is that of a wanderer - spending weeks or even months traversing the wilds, and camping under the open stars. The only Duardin who would voluntarily seek out this life are either outcasts or free-spirits, independently-minded with a strong sense of wanderlust. It is a thankless job - their greatest deeds are committed far from any settlement or army, and therefore go unwitnessed. Most Duardin find their lifestyle and tactics disturbing, and thus, treat them with (usually unwaranted) suspicion.
It is little wonder then that a Ranger would be eager to become Soulbound. As a Soulbound, they are more likely to be working with people who have fewer qualms about their tactics, and may even appreciate their skillset. They can spend greater periods of time travelling, being deployed throughout the Mortal Realms in direct service to a higher power, with no obligation of a clan to return to. It is also possible that the Ranger may have a Criminal past they are attempting to escape from. Members of a Binding may also find a Ranger's company preferable to that of other Duardin, for Rangers tend to be less hidebound than most of their Dispossessed kin, while still retaining a strong sense of duty and integrity.
Attributes

• Body: 3
• Mind: 3
• Soul: 1

Core Talent: Hunter
Talents (Choose Four)

• Alley Cat
• Backstab
• Combat Ready
• Crack Shot (Champions of Order)
• Criminal
• Hit and Run
• Iron Stomach
• Loyal Companion
• Observant
• Orientation
• Patient Strike
• Point-Blank Range
• Quick Reload
• Sever
• Sleight of Hand
• Vanish

Core Skill: Ballistics Skill
Skills (9 XP)

• Athletics
• Awareness
• Ballistics Skill
• Beast Handling
• Dexterity
• Fortitude
• Intuition
• Nature
• Reflexes
• Stealth
• Survival
• Weapon Skill

Equipment

• Great Crossbow
• Choose between: Greataxe or two Handaxes.
• Common Light Armour
• Ranger Cloak (see below)
• Flask of Duardin Amberwhisky
• 132 Drops of Aqua Ghyranis

Ranger Cloak
This hooded cloak is dyed to blend in with the environment. Choose one of the Terrain types listed in the Hunter Talent (it does not need to be the same one you picked as part of the Talent.) While adventuring in this terrain, you can double the dice you receive from Training in Stealth. As a week-long Endeavour you can spend 50D to change the dye.
ALMS MATRON
Little is known about the Alms Matrons - also known as the Priestesses of Valaya, Duardin Ancestor Goddess of Hearth and Home. The birth rate of Duardin females was already low to begin with, and most Dispossessed Clans are fiercely protective of their women as a result. Even more confounding is the worship of the dead goddess Valaya. Despite all this, Priestesses of Valaya are an integral part of Dispossessed society - primarily serving as healers and mediators. They wield immense influence over the internal politics of their clans.
It is not impossible that, in less hidebound clans, Duardin of other genders may come to serve Valaya in the same capacity. But it would be regarded as unusual.
Valaya's fate remains a mystery. Some say she is dead, others say she is in hiding. Some say she died during the Great Betrayal, others say her death came long before that - possibly during the last days of the World-That-Was. Some say she will return, as the Fyreslayers believe Grimnir will, while others have given up any hope of this. In either case, it takes far more than the death of their God to make a Duardin abandon their faith.
Additional puzzlement comes in the fact that some Alms Matrons have been known to invoke Miracles of their goddess. Scholars can only speculate as to why this is - perhaps it is due to the power of their faith, or maybe Valaya does still exist in some form. Humans and Aelven scholars have also put forward the idea that perhaps Alarielle or Grungni are behind this.
It is exceedingly rare for an Alms Matron to become a Soulbound, primarily because it is difficult to convince a servant of Hearth and Home to leave both of those things behind. But it can happen, especially if there are other Duardin in the Binding or the Binding's goals align with the Clan's. Though not well-suited to direct combat, Alms Matrons can serve their Bindings in other useful ways - as healers, diplomats, scholars, and priests.
Attributes

• Body: 1
• Mind: 3
• Soul: 3

Core Talent: Blessed (Valaya - See Below)
Talents (Choose Four)

• Any Miracle of Valaya.
• A Warm Meal
• Acute Sense
• Diplomat
• Forbidden Knowledge
• Observant
• Scholar
• Silver Tongue
• Strong Soul
• Caregiver (Champions of Order)
• Compelling Music (Champions of Order)
• Stirring Voice (Champions of Order)
• Alchemist (Steam and Steel)

Core Skill: Devotion
Skills (9 XP)

• Arcana
• Awareness
• Determination
• Devotion
• Dexterity
• Entertain
• Guile
• Intuition
• Lore
• Medicine
• Reflexes
• Theology

Equipment

• Quarterstaff
• Pistol
• Common Light Armour
• Two Consumable Runes
• Holy Symbol of Valaya
• 175D to either keep or spend on whatever adventuring gear you wish.

MIRACLES OF VALAYA
(Note: These Miracles are ultimately just reflavoured Miracles of Grungni, Grimnir, and Alarielle from the Core Rulebook and Champions of Order.)
Hearth Queen's Balance
Target: 1
Range: Close
Duration: Instant
You can heal the wounds of another by taking on a portion of their suffering. A creature you touch can reduce the severity of one Wound. In exchange, you must take a Minor Wound or increase the severity of a Wound you already have.
Blessing of Valaya
Target: Zone
Range: Long
Duration: Permanent
You infuse the earth with the essence of life, causing plants in an area to grow and bloom. This can be used to bolster crops and revitalise a land tainted by Chaos. You can also choose to shape the growth into simple structures, such as growing winding roots and vines into a ladder or small bridge, or creating cover for you and your allies. In combat, these simple structures can form bridges between Zones, or can be used to give one Zone the Cover Trait
The plants and wildlife created by this Miracle are permanent but will decay naturally if left unattended in an inhospitable environment.
Wrath of the Hearthqueen
Cost: 1 Mettle
Target: Zone
Range: Medium
Duration: Sustained
You fill an area with uncomfortable searing heat, scalding and disorienting any who trespass there. Choose a Zone within Medium Range. That Zone gains the Difficult Terrain and Minor Hazard Traits. Additionally, creatures entering or starting their turn in the Zone must make a DN 6:1 Body (Might) Test or be Restrained until the start of their next turn. When you use this Miracle, you can choose to spend an additional Mettle to increase the Complexity of this Test by 1, to DN 6:2. On your turn, you can spend 1 Mettle as a Free Action to sustain this Miracle.
Heat of the Hearth
Target: Zone
Range: Self
Duration: Instant
A wave of heat washes over your zone, comforting your allies and scalding your foes. Make a 5:1 Soul (Devotion) test.

• You and your allies within your zone recover one toughness per success.
• Enemies within your zone suffer one damage per success.

You may spend a mettle to trigger both effets.
Find Strength in Her Absence
Target: 1
Range: Long
Duration: Sustained
Cost: 1 Mettle
Choose an allied target within long range. While the target has no allies in the same Zone, its Melee and Accuracy increase by two steps and it gains +2 Armour. If an ally enters the target’s Zone, this Miracle’s effect is suppressed until the ally leaves the Zone again. On your turn, you can spend 1 Mettle as a Free Action to sustain this Miracle.
Hearth Queen's Endurance
Target: Zone
Range: Self
Duration: Sustained
Make a DN 6:1 Soul (Devotion) Test. Whenever you or your allies within Short Range suffer Damage caused by fire or heat, reduce the Damage by 1 for each success. On your turn, you can spend 1 Mettle as a Free Action to sustain this Miracle.
Cauterise
Target: 1
Range: Close
Duration: Instant
Heat can be used as a tool of healing. Make a DN 4:1 Soul (Devotion) Test as you place a Holy Symbol of Valaya on a wounded ally. They recover Toughness equal to 1 plus the number of successes. When you use this Miracle, you can choose to spend a Mettle to add your Soul to the Toughness recovered.
Comforting Embers
Target: Allies within range
Range: Short
Duration: Sustained
Cost: 1 Mettle
You call forth a rain of glowing embers that fill your allies with warmth and encourage them to press on. When you use this Miracle, allies within range increase their Speed by one step and ignore Difficult Terrain until the beginning of your next turn, though they cannot Flee or Retreat until the Miracle ends. On your turn, you can spend 1 Mettle as a Free Action to sustain this Miracle.

So I (24M) am going through a difficult time emotionally in terms of trying to figure out my current situation. One thing I can’t get over is what went wrong with my parents who are somehow still together. They both CLEARLY don’t like each other very much and I’m pretty sure the reason why is that they spend way too much time in the house together and it’s been going on for so long. My dad “worked” from home for a long time as a photographer (basically most of the time that I’ve known him) and things got real tough on his business for a good minute. But he went out of his way to not suck it up and do certain work that would’ve helped pay the bills (refused to shoot weddings, other things that annoyed him). It honestly comes off to me now as a bit lazy, and low and behold do I learn that he was a big pot head for my entire life. I personally don’t have an issue with weed, but I used to find it strange why he never really had energy. He also used to vent to me about his marital frustrations and how depressed he was CONSTANTLY, which I think I’ve figured out is because he smoked too much damn weed. This also made things very hard to enjoy when I was growing up bc I think I kinda felt responsible for him. He was always in an existential crisis. I’m gonna stick with the occasional joint but I’m going to be a booze guy from here on out (responsibly I might add, I’m not an idiot). Through all that, I generally have pretty good memories with him as he could be lots of fun at times. In terms of fatherly advice though, he kinda sounds like he barely, if at all, knows what he’s talking about. A lot. BUT, he did show up to everything that me or my brother were involved with and was and still is our biggest fan. He may just kinda repeat back what I say a lot when I ask for advice, but at least he’s trying. I appreciate the effort.
Mom was different. She worked a nursing job on the weekends that she had to commute to. This pretty much destroyed her mental health in my opinion, as she’s incredibly isolated and used to exaggerate how bad, irresponsible, and not caring I was as a kid and teen (I was the kind of kid adults DREAM of. 4.0 student, full ride, helpful, interesting hobbies but can also have fun. Never a burden to anyone really, club joiner, plenty of friends. The whole 9 yards). I was pretty introverted but I think it’s because of how they set everything up to be SO isolated. Putting me in an isolating school that was pretty far from our neighborhood because mom resented it. Our house is literally in a ditch that was pretty separated from everyone (only 1 neighborhood friend). Social skills were honestly at a premium to develop, but I survived. She always seemed so irritated at me, would point out a lot of insecurities I had to her friends to laugh about with, and never really cared to participate in things with me. Never showed up to school events or functions that I was involved with, blamed it on a fear of crowds (which she conveniently doesn’t have when it’s something she wanted to do). She was just kinda mean and distant. Did I jaw back and embarrass her occasionally? Sure, but considering other kids were shooting up heroin in our family (a true fucking story that she had to stick her nose in), I think I can be forgiven. This isolation had an incredibly negative impact on her health. The house is a wreck, her heart sucks as she had a heart attack a couple years back. It’s bad. Real bad. All she does is sit on her damn phone and watch tiktok. Her brain (which, she actually was acutely intelligent) is pretty much fried. It also didn’t help to learn from my aunt that my mom has had affairs (I want to think multiple but I can only confirm one), and the one I can confirm is with a convicted pedophile that she continues to defend (and my dad idiotically goes along with her bullshit on it)… so yeah. What the fuck am I supposed to do with that information.
So how do I make sense of all this. I’m very bad at communicating what I need unless I’m drunk, but I still want them to do better. I work from home with great pay for a single man, so I’m sorta using that to “make up for lost time” on things I missed out on as a kid, but I still feel isolated and stressed bc of the situation. I know I have a deep mistrust and fear of women that I need to get over as well, but I don’t know how to do that. I’m going to see yet another therapist about this, but even that’s burning me out. What’s with this situation?

This is a crossover fanfiction between original fiction titles: Nature of Predators by SpacePaladin15 and The Last Angel by Proximal Flame respectively. All credit and rights reserved goes to them for making such amazing science fiction settings that I wanted to put this together.
You can read The Last Angel here: Be warned, it's decently long, and at its third installment so far. I highly suggest reading it before reading this, or this story will not make sense.

Otherwise, enjoy the story! Thanks again to u/jesterra54 and u/skais01 for beta and checking of work!
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Memory transcription subject: Adjek, Venlil Space Corps Engineer
Date [standardized human time]: October 24, 2136
I had departed with a collection of other engineers who had assisted on the tethering of Nemesis several days ago back to her massive ship. There were twenty-five of us, although none I knew directly from my work.
As our cargo shuttle entered the direct monitoring range of the beast once more, I felt a bad feeling throughout my fur. I didn't know what, exactly, but it was like we had just stepped into the eyes of a predator lurking in the undergrowth, watching us intently. As if to capitalize on that unease, our pilot Mimek bleated something in a panic that made said fur stand straight.
"T-th-th-there's an Arxur vessel trailing us!"
I whirled onto the oncoming feed near the front of the shuttle. Behind us, was a Arxur Ambusher-class dropship that had taken a path directly behind us. It followed the exact same trajectory as our own, and showed no signs of diverting. I bleated out a panicked command of my own.
"K-kick it! W-we need to get distance from them!"
While I had no authority to tell the pilot what to do in this situation, he must've nevertheless agreed, and as such Mimek kicked the boosters into overdrive to escape their proximity. I kept an eye on the rear display, watching as in response, the Arxur craft opened up its own engines, as if to accept the chase, and closed in.
Mimek spoke again. "Why are they chasing us?! D-didn't the humans forbid them from attacking us in-system?!" I had a horrible thought as to why...
"They've fallen to their p-predator bloodlust! They won't be stopped so long as we're in vulnerable space! Close to Nemesis, fast!" I pointed at the guidance lights to the hangar on Nemesis' keel opening. While the Arxur could likely outrun us in an extended burn, we had the advantage in a sprint over a shorter distance. Nemesis was in that shorter distance range, and so we needed to reach it fast to be in its haven.
Mimek, already piloting at full afterburn, corrected the shop in a sharp turn from the plotted approach vector cleared with the Lunar Shipyards. As this occurred, a reminder from the very same monitors came through on comms.
"Venlil ship, this is LSC Tower 3, you have left the agreed final approach vector, adjust your course to match the planned path immediately, do not continue on your current heading."
The humans did not realize the threat we were currently in, and thus the pilot ignored the warning. The Arxur seemingly took our course change as a challenge, and followed suit.
"I repeat, readjust your course heading immediately or fighters will be scrambled. This is your only warning." Even were that the case, we were far too close for them to plot an intercept vector. The shipyard monitors would need at least [one minute] to reach us, and Nemesis was merely [20 seconds] at full-burn-then-brake approach. We would not let the ship closing in behind us catch us, disciplinary action be damned. The damned Arxur succumbed to their predator madness!
A lazy-curve speed burnoff pattern was adopted, and we rocketed at ever-decreasing, but still frightening pace towards Nemesis in an attempt to shake the Ambusher behind us. The hangar was merely moments away, don't fail us now!
The Arxur vessel broke off the chase near the massive docked ship, seemingly slowing for no apparent reason. Perhaps it realized it couldn't slow down as fast as we could, and as such had to? But, that came with another stomach-hurdling problem: us slowing down. If we didn't, we'd crash and turn into nothing but paste on the walls of the gargantuan ship's hangar.
Thankfully, Mimek pulled through, and we zoomed into the hangar space, hitting the emergency external inertial dampener breaking as we attempted landing. The ship skidded across the floor, as it skipped nearly a [fourty meters] to a stop, crashing through something on the way through, but we were moving at such a pace that I had no clue exactly what.
As the ship came to a complete stop, rocking back onto its belly with a final thump, there was the sound of heavy stomping outside, before something rammed into the back of the ship, nearly rocking it off-balance again. "What...what was that?!" We both exclaimed.
We stepped away from the back exit ramp of the vehicle, all twenty five of us, as it began to groan under immense stress. The door dented in, and a few of us instantly cried out in surprise and fear.
And then again. And again. Another rocking of the ship as a dent formed. Another.
And finally, with an unsettling sound of metal being torn through, a crack in the plating of the door turned into a gap that widened into a shaking hole, until the door literally flew off its hydraulic support. The strain spat out fluids and electrical sparking, and several bleated in fear of the sudden disassembly of the door between us and the hangar. Had the Arxur caught up to us? Were we doomed?
But as the burst of electrical smoke cleared, and the light was filtered through our adjusting eyes, what was on the other side shocked me.
A mechanical monstrosity, far bulkier and massive than the one that had confronted my group and I aboard Nemesis stood on the other side. It towered above us, with a intimidatingly large cannon built into one of its arms, aimed dead center into our room, looking more akin to a vehicle's gun than a handheld one. One could see behind it many more of a similar looking model closing in. It spoke in a wrathful tone...Her wrathful tone.
"What the hell are you doing CRASHING INTO ME? There better be a-"
But I felt a chill as it suddenly cut off, and the featureless head of the bipedal robot swiveled to look directly at me instead. Though I could see no clear indicator of eyes like the nightmarish drone I had talked with in the past, I could feel it gaze directly at me, ignoring the others. It suddenly spoke again, a single word conveying contempt dripping in it. The blood in my veins turned cold as the Twilight.
"YOU..."
+CONFED IO.5+
+READING MAIN SEQ.MEM+
+ADDENDUM: ADJUSTED DATE 24.10.2136+
Something's wrong, I can feel it.
The bearing of the approaching ships has left the supposed approach vector, and directly accelerated towards my open hangar bay. While the ships pose no threat to me directly, I am uncertain if they are capable of stopping quickly enough to not risk the human crew that had just landed. I considered my options...
+grab beam non-responsive, schedule systems evaluation immediately+
I had no capability to tractor the ships from their path, and they showed no sign of slowing. I could fire a particle beam in the path of both ships, but there was no ability to tune down the power enough to not destroy the ships, and it would not reduce their velocity. I plotted the relative course of the Venlil shuttle to be coming at this angle, which thankfully was towards the opposite side of the hangar as the Human delegation. That did not remove the possibility of shrapnel from a crash, however.
I interspersed my Praetorians in front of them, seeking to act as a shield in the case of any flying debris. I warned them in the same instant.
"Take cover behind these drones, there is a problem with the landing Venlil ship on route."
"W..What's going on, Red?" Hailey asked, confused. Never had I been this direct with her physically, actively interspersing my drones in front of her and the rest of the scientific delegation.
"They are likely to crash. Predicted acceleration curves of the shuttle do not meet the prerequisite delta-V to stop safely at this current distance and velocity. Duck and cover."
The shuttlecraft streaked into my hangar bay at speeds that would make a 21st century jet blush. It slowed anomalously upon entering, but did not slow at enough rate to prevent the crash. The Praetorians situated on that side of my hangar were incapable of moving fast enough to dodge out of the way, and I was forced to watch as the shuttle crashed through thirty-two of them in a 45-meter break distance, before slamming into a hangar wall. They were built to withstand incredible munition strength, but not twenty-some odd tons of shuttle at near mach speeds. The impact brutally cast them across the deck, smashing some, tearing apart others.
Debris flew from the front of the shuttle outward, but none reached near the humans. Those moronic aliens were about to answer painfully for their incompetence on my deck.
"Dear god!" One of the humans swore at the sound of the shuttle crashing. Another screamed and ducked down further behind my Praetorian. The drone curled down to better envelop her in protection. Hailey was speechless.
A squadron of Praetorians had been closing in from a safe distance throughout the entirety of the crash. They were a mere hundred meters away, only 4.9 seconds to reach the doors. I collided with the shuttlecraft's exit ramp, and slammed repeatedly into the back of it, aiming to create a gap by which to pry the thing off. Eventually, a gap was made, and the Praetorian body wrenched a manipulator into it.
Then, after tearing off the ramp door to the ship, and beginning to interrogate the idiotic fucks at gunpoint, I find no less that a familiar face has come with them. A familiar face I would have rather not seen again in the slightest.
+identity confirmation, Adjek, Venlil engineer+
"YOU...What, are you doing here, again?"
I stepped forward, into the cargo shuttle, the Praetorian I controlled looming over them, over him, by nearly one and a half meters. I made certain to emphasize that size difference. One does not just crash in me like this without a good reason, or I'd be testing how long a Venlil survives vacuum.
Adjek decided to speak up, fear laden in his voice. "I-I-I...W-we were being chased by an Arxur vessel on the course here! T-They ignored the human's truce and decided to p-pursue us directly!"
I faltered a bit at that. Chased? The Arxur supposedly promised that they wouldn't attack the Venlil in-system, but given how much the bad blood between the Arxur and herbivore races was hyped up, I couldn't toss out the possibility.
"Is he telling the truth?" I swung the Praetorian's fake head about the room, scanning over each Venlil in the audience. It wasn't necessary, I had a panoramic view just from the chest optics alone, but the psychological effect and bait of having a head was palpable. They all parroted something similar to what Adjek and the pilot said, so I had no clear contradiction to go off of yet.
But I wasn't done with intimidation, I warmed the cannon muzzle to be visible within the deep red visual spectrum, and aimed it at him.
"Tell me everything, now."
He began to describe his intent and clearance for coming here...but reality decided to be a pain at that exact moment, as the likely culprit entered the hangar. Thankfully, I wasn't hampered by multitasking. A section of me split attention equally to the Arxur ship landing in my bay.
This ship, supposedly the Ambusher-class Goring Claw going off the IFF, was an armed dropship of some sort capable of intro-extra-atmospheric operation, given the rotary variable mode engines. They had been given landing clearance, but not by me, no, instead by the shipyard.
I would need to ask the UN to bring down that blackout protocol soon. This is immensely inconvenient to not have access to monitoring and communication outside myself, except through Hailey. Nevertheless, I positioned my remaining Praetorians around the likely exit of the dropship, awaiting it to open and...greet...these likely troublemakers. I had one Praetorian stand directly front-and-center to the back end, and aim weapons, but not arm them at the dropship hangar doors.
With a hiss, and a burst of slightly depressurized gas, the door opened, and out marched a line of two pairs of two Arxur guards. Their gear looked highly ceremonial, given its lack of tactical or efficient features, and the choice of weapon being a spear of some sort with a sidearm still holstered. Behind them, walked an even more gaudy individual than the guards, an Arxur with a prominent scar across their face covered in flamboyant ceremonial uniform. I was almost certain this was Chief Hunter Isif, Lithke's commanding officer, given Hailey's description of the visitors earlier. Behind him marched a set of less extravagantly dressed figures, likely advisors of some sort. And, of course, Lithke.
I wouldn't just let them off the hook so easily though, despite their far better entrance.
"Chief Hunter Isif. Lithke. You had best have a good reason for making a Venlil ship crash into my hangar."
Memory transcription subject: Chief Hunter Isif, Arxur Dominion Sector Fleet
Date [standardized human time]: October 24, 2136
Those idiots seriously did not-
...No, calm yourself, a Chief Hunter must always look composed, even in the face of absurdity.
The pilot in control of this Ambusher had heard my order to follow the Venlil in, got target fixation, and decided to escalate it to a chase. I would have him lashed for the offense later, but for now, I needed to quickly rekindle what little good will the Arxur had in Red One's eyes.
Losing it now could mean turning up hungry forever.
"I apologize for my pilot's unprofessional actions. He will be punished severely later for the transgression of letting his instincts override both human and my orders. Is there anything I can do further to fix your appetite, Red One?"
The robot frontmost of our shuttle stepped forward, it's bulk and size intimidating even by Arxur standards. It towered tall enough to nearly be at my head height despite the fact I was standing on the dropship ramp. Red One's response was curt, and [quick to the kill]. "You can start by convincing the odd twenty-five or so Venlil engineers your pilot chased into crashing on my hangar deck that you aren't here to eat them all, or whatever sickening actions you Arxur do. When that's done, then you may converse with Hailey Whitmer."
At least it wasn't "you've done enough, stop". I'd seen plenty disappear after that particular response in the Dominion.
"Fine. Blades!" I shouted to the ceremony guard I was issued. "Two of you will hold the pilot at the ship for punishment. He is to not eat, nor rest, nor do anything until I return. The rest will assist Lithke in assuaging the prey that they are safe...for now. I must speak with Red One while you do."
They saluted, and went about their way.
Good, everyone bought it. In a sense, this was funnily enough just the distraction I needed. Perhaps I'll reduce the pilot's lashing count quietly for that.
Now...for the harder part. I had no idea if Red would sense my intentions, and so-
The combat drone spoke once again. "Lithke's sung your praises, Chief Hunter Isif. An icon of 'applied cruelty' in his words. I'm curious as to why that should be praised, out of all things in a leader."
We're still too close to the ship, even if none are around to hear it, audio logs might pick up any dissenting thoughts. I should bring this conversation elsewhere.
"I see Lithke wasn't convincing on his own, it seems. Here, walk with me, I still have yet to meet your Special Envoy Hailey personally." I began to walk towards the group of humans near the other end of the hangar.
"So, you have met her?" Red One instantly picked up on the message, noticing the phrasing. So, she's capable of understanding subtlety...
"Yes, but not directly. She gave a presentation at the UN's discussion on you, which I attended."
"And what, pray tell, did you learn about there?" Red One seemed to press me slightly on the session, clearly looking for something. I'd play along, get in their favor.
"Plenty. You're by far the most powerful ship in the galaxy, as far as I can tell. The Humans and Venlil alike are afraid of you, but the former less-so, seeing a more mixed reaction to your presence."
"And what do you think of me?" Red questioned.
I began with a political mealy-mouth phrase.
"The Dominion is not-"
But she interrupted my train of thought. "No. I didn't ask what the Arxur thought. I was asking what you thought, specifically."
What?!
I scanned quickly, my head paced from side to side as I looked for any potential monitoring agent or tools nearby that could potentially pick up on my dialogue.
"You're...an interesting shake-up to the galaxy. Possibly even a means to an end I've been looking into."
There was a curiosity laden in that tone. "Is that so? What, pray tell, would an Arxur fleet leader need with me?"
Again, I checked about, to make certain none were close. "I...am trying to solve a personal problem. Your emergence is convenient to it..."
"Ah...so I was correct..." Red One's drone stopped in front of me for a moment, before turning directly to address me. "...The constant checking about other Arxur assets, the send-off of your personal guard, the overcompensation on the facial details and micromovements, the ordering of Lithke to 'convince' me of Dominion ideals. How much of it is an act, Chief Hunter Isif?"
She already found me out!?
The mask dropped in a panic, knowing none were close enough to pick up on it. "Quiet! How did you pick up on that?" I hissed under my breath to them.
She neglected to answer that statement directly, instead asking another question. "That's not important. The better thing to ask, is what exactly do you want with me?"
Well, since the meat has been spoiled...
I decided to be blunt, and honest. "I need either a line to directly converse with you on a sensitive matter later, or a method to do it now. There is a deep sickness within the Arxur, and you are a possible lynchpin to excise it. But it is traitorous in nature to Betterment, and they have agents everywhere. I would need it to be done away from their ears."
"I am currently operating in blackout conditions. I cannot send or receive signals from the outside without going through a UN transponder, so the first option is out currently. You need a distraction then, while you're here." Red's drone turned back around and continued walking, not giving away anything to the outside of her sudden skinning of my fake personality. "That can be arranged. But not this instant, we are already too close to outside ears for an extended conversation."
"A codeword, then? Some indicator that I may step away and talk securely with you?"
"A codeword is a start, but I'm more concerned about your personal guard. Are they loyal to you enough to ignore such a conversation?"
"Absolutely not. Effectively none of the group that has come along with me is loyal enough to hear this."
Red One didn't speak immediately, but the pause was small. "A full separation might be possible. I have an idea during the tour. If I say the phrase, 'Feel free to peruse' to you specifically, it will mean I have sufficiently separated attention enough that you may speak to me securely. Do you understand?"
She already has a plan? Her speed on that matter is dizzying.
I would have to trust her method. "I understand."
"Good, mask up again, we are within the distance of maximum human audible range given this volume."
Her matter of figuring out my intentions and act that quickly was unnerving, but it made some sense for a sentient computer. She likely thought far faster than the average Arxur, or even Human. But I could consider that later, I needed to get back in character. While my physical demeanor hadn't wavered any, I needed to give off the mental face of a Chief Hunter once again to allay suspicions. Especially since my personal guard were likely to return soon.
Hailey Whitmer noticed us soon after, and disengaged herself from talking with the other Humans. She began her way over here, leaving them to huddle around their ship, still unloading a collection of scientific equipment and personal belongings. "Chief Hunter Isif! Welcome to the UECNS Nemesis. What happened exactly that caused the Venlil to crash in like that, however? I heard a concerning bit that they were chased?"
I lashed my tail in frustration at that. "Our pilot idiotically got fixated on the Venlil ship. He will be punished later. For now I apologize on their behalf. I will try and...convince the Venlil's not to fear soon, but I honestly don't expect them to listen. They are prey, after all, sniveling in fear at the slightest provocation."
Hailey looked annoyed at that statement, but I could at least take personal solace in knowing it was mere persona. She would simply have to deal with it. "That's rather rude to our allies, Isif."
I corrected her: "Your allies, Human. The prey do not interest me. No, what interests me and my cohort is this ship." I pointed a claw at the robotic soldier behind me.. "I have already met Red One herself, and as you are the UN's Envoy here, I must meet you as well. Lithke has spoken much about both of you."
Hailey's expression changed from veiled frustration to surprise at that. "He has? Hah! I did charm-...oh, excuse my manners. When your entourage arrives over here, we can begin a proper tour with the both of us at the helm. Red?"
A voice emanated from the walls. "Yes, Hailey?"
"Do you have a path listed for a proper tour throughout your facilities?"
She responded immediately. "Yes. The UEC military has conducted tours before of my hull to other officials. I can follow said pathing, ignoring areas currently exposed to vacuum or damaged heavily. It will cover roughly 45% of the ship, and with transportation aid, take roughly 4 and a half hours."
Hailey clapped her hands together. "Perfect! When the three groups are gathered properly here, we can begin."
Given I could see my guard returning, thankfully not laden with prey blood or wounds, that would be soon.
+CONFED IO.5+
+READING MAIN SEQ.MEM+
+ADDENDUM: ADJUSTED DATE 24.10.2136+
I have had tours done of my shipself before. When my form was still under construction, Commander Theodore William Billingsly had given a walk-around to Yasmine, in preparation to turn over the role of Captain to her. The visit had gone rather easily, and familiarized her with my layout quickly in a professional manner. I had given numerous miniature tours of my layout to new crew members, with assistance from more established crew. I figured tours were nothing too special to my sensibilities and experience.
But I had never quite had the experience of juggling a tour where each distinct species of the tour was at odds with the other two. Listening to them was taxing.
"What are you looking at, leaflicker?"
"H-Help! I-It wants to e-e-eat me!!!"
"Could y'all just get along for a single moment? We're coming up on the barracks, supposedly, and yet you're at each other's throats!"
"Of course we're at their throats, those are rather delicious to tear out."
"You predators would focus on our vulnerable spots, w-wouldn't you!"
"Fuck's sake, you can't behave, can y'all?"
"Jealous of our vicious nature?"
"No we're not! What you do to the other races in this galaxy is abhorrent!"
"Yeah, you Arxur monsters have nothing to be proud of! I've lost family to your kind!"
Very taxing.
The human team and Hailey were trying to somewhat wrangle the mood down, but the Arxur and Venlil despised one another, and it showed. There was no quieting-down of their feud for more than a few minutes, before it started up again for the smallest altercations. I was glad I had brought a host of Praetorians to keep them physically separate somewhat, as I'd hate to have seen any humans hurt in the way.
Instead, I tried to focus on just providing an air of authority, as Hailey led them throughout my assorted systems and layout, only providing input where she did not know about. There were at least some receptive comments of myself during the tour that didn't result in lambasting the other two parties.
"The internal layout of this ship is rather unique. It doesn't look like anything in the Federation proper." A Venlil engineer by the name of Joluk mentioned.
"Yeah, I know!" Said a human scientist by the name of George Oscoda. "It's very...Death Star meets Nostromo, made a bit wider, then painted gunmetal black with red detailing."
Joluk turned back to him. "I have no idea what those are, but I don't like the sound of a Death Star." Their tail went ramrod straight, hanging down at the comment. Perhaps a body language fear response?
I decided to clarify from a drone nearby. "The internal design pattern of the UEC favors a highly geometric, hexagonal or octagonal hall layout, for maximum support with little freestanding support. A three-to-two width to height ratio also helps alleviate claustrophobic concerns, and detriments mental health minimally for extended stays."
George spoke up again. "I guess that's fair, but nothing will change how depressingly dark and scarred-up some of these corridors and bulkheads are currently. I get that it's battle damage, but..."
Lithke piped in from the front. "Nemesis wears her scars proudly. She is a predator forged in war, none escape without scars." I couldn't find a reason to directly deny said statement. I did sometimes prefer the reminder of how many Compact Janissaries had died within myself. How I shivered in delight at knowing they met their ends aboard my hull.
I decided to just remain silent on that. Hailey also responded to that soon after. "Well, honor besides, a lot of that damage will have to be repaired eventually. No amount of self-righteousness excuses holes to vacuum in some spots." She was also right. There were various spots throughout me that were not even enterable, let alone habitable as I was. Numerous collapsed-in sections, holes in my hull all-throughout. There wasn't even a main engines section anymore, with the aft exposed to space after redlining to Earth to save them from the Federation fleet. No amount of scars would justify not repairing battle damage.
I was at least partially glad they could not read Compact Standard. The various little easter eggs of alien languages scattered on my walls were filled with warnings and resignations of regret for boarding me. I left them there, to add to the ambient horror of unwelcome borders, but currently it just felt...out of place. I did not want to scare the people on board.
Thankfully there were few along this path, and none noticed it as the language it was offhand, so I avoided those questions. As we walked to the entrance doors to the barracks, there was a hallway we would have to cross first. One I had kept tenderly over the centuries.
I decided to speak ahead of time on it. "We are coming up on a particular area of mine en route to the general barracks. It was not something made in my time with humanity, but more...a personal project. Reminders and trophies of what and who I fought for both myself, and any others who might unfortunately find themselves this far into my halls." Some of the Arxur looked intrigued by that statement.
Hailey looked a little nervous at the way I introduced it. "I-I wouldn't really call it something particularly-"
I kept going over her response. It wasn't particularly polite, but if I was to make a maximal psychological distraction for Isif to say his piece, it would need to be done...
As a drone already within put the finishing touches on the arrangement, and skittered away into the dark lofts above, the doors opened to my favorite rooms, and I introduced the hallway ahead.
"Welcome...to my Collection."
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Background: I have come from a background of severe childhood trauma/ abuse and have been through about 20 years of talk therapy. I have gotten to the point where my mind is actually clear and free and I feel good, but my body holds onto a lot of tension.
I have recently come off anxiety medication and am experiencing a higher level of physical anxiety now than before when I didn’t take the medication
1st session The first time I did TRE was only for about a 30 min session. Which I have since learned is a moderate length. I felt like I could take deeper breaths, and I was more relaxed afterwards.
2nd session The session was an hour long session where the amount of time I spent was directly correlated into how much relief I felt afterwards. I felt more centered, relaxed, and like I could take deeper breaths. I definitely had some tears, but no intense emotions.
3rd session This was a short 15 minute session. I thought I could feel some fatigue in my right leg so according to what I’ve read, it was wise to stop so I did.
4th session This was a 30 minute session. I had some tears but not a lot. I felt good immediately after but within 30 minutes I felt like this session made me take two steps back instead of one step forward. I felt more anxious and like I couldn’t take deep breaths. At this point, I still haven’t been able to engage my shoulders or head.
5th session This session was 45 minutes long. I was a little bit gun shy about engaging again, but I knew based on everything that I’ve read that it could definitely get better. I had some crying and a lot of large movement.
6th session The session was 30 minutes long and it was the first session that I felt more of my shoulders engage. My body started doing a lot of up-and-down movement, but it was upsetting my stomach since I had just drank some water. I felt a lot of physical relief afterwards and like I could breathe more deeply. No crying happened during the session, but I’ve really felt like my upper body wanted to engage and I felt like this was the first session that I completely wanted to and I felt like this was the first session that I completely wanted to let my body do what it wanted to do let go and to let my body do what it wanted to do.
In the future, I will not drink a lot of water before doing this because I could tell that my body wanted to do some movements that were uncomfortable for me last time. One strange thing is that I am a curious whether I will still have some drive to push forward in life as I let go of this physical anxiety. There was some loss of ambition when I cured some of my mental anxiety, and I hope that is not true for this physical anxiety as well.

Hello all. Has anyone else found to be repelled by social media after their sessions? I had 4 sessions coupled with Accelerated Reprocessing Therapy with my last one in October 2023. I've broken away and completely disinterested in many unhealthy behaviors and addictions to my benefit. I went in for a session looking to stop my overwhelming porn consumption and I'm very happy to report that it's been significantly decreased to almost zero.
Maybe it's a stretch to compare the two but in healing that compulsory habit, it's focused my attention on other addictive behaviors. With social media, I've documented my life online on almost every popular platform since the days of Xanga. Do any other millenials remember that one? 😂 After my sessions, the need to constantly put my face out on these platforms, to be 'seen', has waned. The desire to 'keep up' with certain individuals, some of who I haven't spoken to in decades, is lost and I have no interest in finding it again. I've felt so much peace in my life since healing these broken parts of myself that the constant barrage of rage bait, misinformation and doom scrolling leaves me feeling nauseous and full of anxiety. I've had to spend more money on my phone bill to get an unlimited data package just to feed the addiction of validation in likes, DM's, comments. Not to mention the complete time sucker these apps are. Every single week, my iphone would notify me that I spent something like 10 hours a day on my phone. Mostly on social media. Spending just 2 hours a day on your phone adds up to a month by the end of the year. Lord know how much precious time I've wasted. Being on social media is completely working against everything that I've gained with EMDR.
So this past friday, after 22 years, I've deleted every single profile on every single social media platform that I was a part of. No Tiktok, Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Snapchat. I'm done. I've also deleted Grindr. I received a notification from duckduckgo of thousands of data hacking attempts in just one afternoon. Obviously, I've kept Reddit. I like being a part of communities with niche interests like House music and cooking. Healthy activities that make me feel connected to self rather than disengaged and angry at others. I just recieved a notification that my phone usage is down by 46%. That feels so good! I truly thank this modality for helping me beat this monster that is social media addiction.
Thank you for reading and I wish you all luck on your journeys.

The Zercher squat has been described as one of the most difficult squat variations due to the intense demand put on the entire body throughout the movement.
Named after Ed Zercher, a strongman competitor from St. Louis during the 30’s-40’s, the Zercher squat requires full body engagement. With the bar resting on your forearms, the weight is in front of the body and requires a strong core to support the weight. There is no point of rest during this movement as your arms are working just as hard as your legs (if not harder).
Any time you load weight in front of the torso, whether it is a Zercher or goblet position, you are making the exercise require more support from the core and quads. This includes posterior chain exercises with Zercher or goblet positions as well, such as good mornings.
HERE’S WHY YOU SHOULD INCLUDE ZERCHER EXERCISES IN YOUR ROUTINE:
CORE ENGAGEMENT
QUAD DEVELOPMENT
LOWER BACK DEVELOPMENT
UPPER BACK DEVELOPMENT
ZERCHER EXERCISES ARE A GOOD CHOICE IF YOU:
HAVE TROUBLE GETTING INTO A BACK RACK OR FRONT RACK POSITION DUE TO LIMITED SHOULDEUPPER BACK MOBILITY
ARE LOOKING TO STRENGTHEN YOUR QUADS DURING SQUATS
WANT TO INCORPORATE FULL BODY RESISTANCE EXERCISES INTO YOUR TRAINING
HERE ARE FIVE ZERCHER EXERCISE VARIATIONS TO ADD TO YOUR ROUTINE.

1. PAUSED ZERCHER SQUATS

The main objective in the Zercher squat is to keep an upright torso with a strong support system from the arms. With your shoulders set back and down, keep the arms flexed at about 90 degrees with your elbows glued to your sides. You want to maintain strict tension in the arms throughout the entire movement. Set your hips back into the squat position and hold for two seconds at the bottom, with your core and arms tight. Drive back up to the standing position while pulling the bar into your body as to not let the weight drift forward and away from you.

1. ZERCHER BULGARIAN SPLIT SQUATS

Bulgarian split squats suck enough as they are, but when you add a Zercher variation to it, it completely lights your quads up. Front loaded weight in an elevated stance challenges your core, quads, and stabilizers. In a single leg stance like the split squat, you’re going to have to work harder to stabilize the barbell from moving during both eccentric and concentric phases.

1. ZERCHER BOX SQUATS WITH CHAINS

Another way to completely wreck your quads is adding chains to the mix. As the chains lengthen when you stand up from the squat, the resistance increases. This helps you develop better lockout strength during the squat. In a Zercher position with chains, the tension you feel in the quads is constant throughout the entire movement, especially as you sit down into the squat. For maximal results in the Zercher box squat, focus on slowing the eccentric phase and sitting back fully onto the bench for glute and hamstring activation.

1. ZERCHER GOOD MORNINGS

Even though the good morning is a posterior chain exercise, you can still add Zercher positions to strengthen the supportive anterior chain muscle groups. As you hinge forward, your upper back and core muscles engage to maintain spinal alignment. Naturally, the bar is going to drag you down and force your upper back to round forward if you are not keeping constant tension in the arms and core.

1. SINGLE LEG ZERCHER GOOD MORNINGS

Pretty much any time you take an exercise and make it a single leg variation, you are going to put more demand on the hamstrings. This is one of my favourite exercises as it challenges your entire body and provides functional benefit. Your hamstrings, lower back, glutes, core, arms, and upper back work together to stabilize the barbell and perform the movement. Stay heavy on the lead foot and keep your hips set high for hamstring activation and maximal results.

hey y’all.
i’m 21 m, don’t have family support, and live with a roommate and my cats. i work full time, and can’t afford to leave work for treatment.
at the same time, i have lost a lot of weight within the past few months and especially weeks. my safe foods are becoming increasingly restricted, which is a surprise to me because of how few there were in the first place. i’m struggling to eat even just one meal a day, occasionally able to supplement with the ensure clear.
the past few weeks has been solely me working and sleeping. i have no energy and am constantly nauseous, despite a zofran prescription.
my PCP is amazing, has had other ARFID patients, and recommended Equip: i’m set to start this week, but am not feeling very confident about it after reading reviews. he has local dietician recommendations lined up in case Equip doesn’t work out, but none of them seem super competent with treating ARFID.
i do have a therapist i connect well with, but she does not have the education to treat ARFID.
my labs and vitals are mediocre, but it makes me think, at what point do i admit defeat and need a higher level of care (inpatient or residential)? i have prior treatment trauma and medical trauma, and the thought of an NG tube terrifies me.
does anyone have any suggestions or ideas? i just feel very alone and am starting to lose hope.