Granted, this was in college, but I will never forget this exchange. Our group had a weekly after school meetup for Ultimate Frisbee that was a mix of the high schoolers, college kids, and some teachers. We weren't half bad and took things pretty seriously now and again. In a particularly close game, I made what would have been a game winning flick to Scott, one of the better players who just happened to be Vietnamse. The disc curved sideways and wasn't the best pass but was still easily catchable, especially by him. We weren't much more than 10 feet from each other. He just let it hit the ground as he basically watched it go past him. I guess he thought he couldn't catch it. Regardless, he turned to shout at me "What was that?!"
I don't know why or what possessed him to react like that, but we were admittedly already fighting tooth and nail for this win, so I guess we were just lost in the sauce. "What are you TALKING about? Just grab it!" -Me. "Learn how to flick the fucking disc!" -Scott "How 'bout you open your FUCKING eyes?!" -Me. "What the FUCK is that supposed to mean??!!" -Scott
Thankfully our coach stepped between us as he started to advance on me. I was essentially frozen like a deer in the headlights knowing that at this moment, I had fucked up. Coach told us both to sub out and neither one of us played the rest of the day.
I texted him later to say that it was just a poor choice of words and he understood, but holy shit, was I embarassed as hell.
TL;DR My colossally bad choice of words almost got my ass beat.

im just kinda curious. itd be interesting to hear from other people how you manage, how its working for you, maybe expose impacts of other lifestyle/circumstantial stuff and share tips and adaptations.
i fortunately was housed last winter when i desperately started keto and had an AMAZING response. holy shit it was night and day. everyone around me saw the difference.
been back outside, in the woods/on the street the last few months and have had a bit of a rough patch, but a lot of it has just been learning curve, since i am unable to obtain medical sanction or nutritionist/dietetic coaching i have had to learn it all on my own. but things are coming back around last couple weeks.
eating way too much dairy has been prolly the biggest issue, along with not understanding sugars/glucose monitoring. am about to start monitoring ketones/gluc and i hope this along with new insights will help me get back to a more stable place, be able to make more inform3d and consistent diet choices and maximize benefits of keto.
anyways, again just wondering if theres other folks in similar situations, how its going, maybe to make connections and support. also anyone trying to manage keto eith extremely limited resources/budget would be great to hear from
cheers
ps please no pity/shaming/patronizing warnings or otherwise irrelevant replies

What does it take to be ready for a fitness competition? If you are like most people, the first thing that comes to mind has a fantastic physique. And while this may be true, many other aspects of your life will need some attention if you want to succeed on stage. It takes more than just getting into shape; it takes time and dedication and some money and mental preparation.
This blog post will cover the basics of fitness competition training so you can get ready for your next fitness competition.
Are you willing to compete in a fitness event?
There's a lot of planning, hard work, and other variables involved with any sort of competition. However, fitness competitions need a huge dedication compared to other types of athletic events like marathons and triathlons.
It's difficult to know what to anticipate if you haven't seen a fitness contest before, and it's not like any other type of athletic event. Before you commit to participating in a contest soon, go to a show and see what it's all about. Then make your decision after seeing it firsthand.
Meanwhile, here are some things to think about:
Ask yourself why you are doing this.
What is your motivation for entering a fitness competition? Do you have a specific goal in mind, or are you just doing it for fun? You should know exactly why you want to do this because there will be days when the training is grueling, and your body feels sore. And if your reason isn't strong enough, these tough times may cause you to quit before it's even over.
Do you have time to train?
Training for a fitness competition takes many hours of hard work and dedication. Even if you are used to working out regularly, taking it to the next level by adding extra cardio sessions will be tough on your body and your schedule. You must become accustomed to waking up early in the morning to hit the gym before work or staying committed to a grueling workout during your lunch break.
Do you have money for professional training?
If you are just starting as an athlete, it's unlikely that you will be able enough on your own to prepare yourself for a competition without some sort of training knowledge and guidance. Many athletes will work with a coach, and this is an additional expense that you should consider when planning your budget for the next few months.
Can you handle being on stage?
One of the scariest aspects of any type of competition is performing in front of an audience. Once you are on stage, there's no turning back; it's time to show your stuff! You must ask yourself how comfortable you feel with this part before signing up for a contest.
What Fitness Competitions Can You Join?
There are many different types of competitions available for athletes at all levels. You must decide how far your journey is before choosing which show works best for you and your needs.
Here are just some examples:
Bodybuilding
Bodybuilding contests are designed to help you gain muscle all over your entire body. These events can be very pricey, but they're an excellent way for aspiring athletes to get their feet wet in the fitness competition world.
Figure/physique competitions
This type of contest is similar to bodybuilding, but it focuses on having a symmetrical, balanced physique. There are fewer of these shows out there than bodybuilding contests, but they're a good option for athletes who want to get involved with fitness competitions without spending a lot of cash or gaining too much muscle.
Bikini Fitness
If you have an amazing bikini-ready body and don't mind being in front of a camera, then bikini fitness could be for you. These events feature athletes in swimsuits and high heels as they do a variety of poses that showcase their muscles and curves simultaneously.
Women's Physique
These contests focus on female bodybuilders with very feminine physiques and muscle definition without appearing too bulky or masculine. The athletes in these contests will wear two-piece bathing suits and heels.
What is involved in female competition training?
The cornerstone of the M-Power Fitness competition training program is a small group setting, plyometrics, and high-intensity interval training (HIIT), all guided by a qualified personal trainer.
You also get Monday through Sunday access to M-Power Fitness Coaching's cutting-edge gym, which provides you with the ideal atmosphere and all of the essentials to train effectively.
Cardio
To get in shape for female competition, you must build up your stamina with lots of cardiovascular exercises. This will help to build lean muscle mass and burn off excess body fat so that you can achieve that tight look when onstage. Your MPower Fitness coach will create a specific cardio program for you that will incorporate both high and low-intensity exercises.
Strength Training
Female competition training involves lots of strength training exercises to build up your muscles and improve your definition. You can expect at least four days per week of lifting weights, so it's important that you are willing or able to invest the time in this part of your routine.
At MPower Fitness Coaching, you'll be guided and monitored as you do exercises that focus on your glutes, triceps, biceps, and shoulders.
Diet and Nutrition
As with any athletic training program, you must follow a healthy diet to achieve the best results possible when competing. Suppose you are not used to being so restrictive about what you eat or have never followed a specific meal plan before achieving your fitness goals. In that case, you may want to work with a nutritionist who can help you develop healthy eating habits.
Posing
Posing is critical in fitness competitions, and it allows you to display what you've achieved, emphasizing certain muscles that the judges want to see. We've got you covered, including weekly posing lessons to assist you in presenting the finest version of yourself to the judges.
Accountability Check
The MPower Fitness competition training program includes weekly accountability check-ins with the head coach, specific cardio instructions, and comprehensive coaching to assist you in staying on track and maintaining your routine
The Takeaway
It's critical to understand how to train effectively for a female fitness competition, allowing you to reach your full potential and ensuring that you're prepared when you get there.
You can efficiently convert your current exercise habits into an effective training routine with no equipment involved with the right approach.
Our fitness competition training program may help you develop a fitness plan and motivation to work out. We take great pleasure in offering each client the finest service possible by tailoring our programs to fit their needs, allowing them to achieve their goals.

1. Icardi : how long of needed rest was reported in the media to recover from his injury? And how long do you think he'll need to get back to his 99 form (or WILL he get back to his 99 form?). Okan mentionned he'll be at pre-season at start of July, right?
2. Nb 8 : Do we think we'll get the dynamic box to box nb 8 Okan has been looking for more than a year?
3. Nb 10: What kind of 10 will the board aim for? A younger dynamic one, or another experienced one?
4. CB situation :
   1. Are we expecting Emin Bayram to stay and be used in the rotation (and maybe fight for the first spot)?
   2. Do we expect to sell both Nelsson and Davinson? Hard to imagine Okan would EVER accept that BOTH of them get sold.
   3. And what about Metehan? I am anxiously waiting for him to show up, he displays such great buildup skills and such maturity and character, but above else, an incredible defensive and positional reading of the game (like Nelsson). Would he stay for rotation, or would he be loaned again? I'm not expecting Kaan to play RB next year, so Kaan would be in the rotation for CB (as well as DM).
   4. What about the situation of other loanees? Yusuf Demir, I've still got lots of hope for him, things and his development have really not gone the right way, especially with the curve that his loan club threw by not properly making him play. And I've always had very high hopes for Ross, the guy was captain of his previous club at 21, and showed incredible leadership, while I have not watched any of his games, looks like his last season on loan was not the desired level (like say Emin), his stats also seem a bit underwhelming.
5. Fullback situation : The main recipe of our success is that we're trying to have competition at each spot, so that no player can afford to become complacent. For example, in the midfield we'll have Torreira as the starter, and Berkan/Kaan as supersubs for him, and Demirbay as supersub for the nb 8, we know the CB and the wingers abundance (and competition). So, I guess we'll transfer a RB : but will we be left without competition at those positions? I mean look at the RB, I still remember the ruthless competition at the beginning of the season (and the previous one too) between Dubois and Boey, which eventually led Boey to a phenomenal run of performance, and he could not afford to underperformance as Dubois was breathing on his neck to take his spot. We need that in both RB and LB. How is that going to work? Do we expect multiple transfers in fullbacks? If only we had Metehan and Emin type of quality turkish youngsters that could be used there in rotation (Kazimcan was supposed to be that, but as we know he couldn't handle the pressure and crumbled). I know there is Ali Turap at RB, don't know much about him. If only we had a fullback that can be a superside for both sides, but that's hard to find such a player. Dubois maybe, but does he cut it to use a foreign spot on him?
6. The obvious : winger situation, we can expect at least 2 of the following 3 to leave : Kerem A, Tete and Zaha. Which one is the most likely to stay? Because I have difficulty imagining being left with just Yunus, BAY and Ziyech.
7. The Zaniolo situation : In the most recent press conference Okan talked openly with praises about Zaniolo and mentionned (paraphrasing) that he would want him to stay. We know that Zaniolo has always been very keen to leave. Could the CL be an incentive for him to stay, especially if during pre-season he finds a great and pleasant and fun environment with others and connections with teammates and coaching staff? I think Okan will try his magical soft touch and interpersonal skills, and the pre-season will definitely be a ground where he'll do shennanigans to create a desired team dynamic.
8. Sub striker situation : How do we see the sub striker situation? We want a great striker sub that can deliver if Icardi is injured or unavailable, yet a player at that level might not simply want to sit on the bench in a prolonged way. Do we foresee the club instead going for a wingestriker type player, like how Zaha was used there?
9. Bankalar birligi....: We're definitely going to receive a lot of money from transfers. Do we foresee anyway possible of not having to pay Bankalar birligi half of what we'll get? Or is the ship sailed? (thank you Dursun).
10. Finally, Erden Timur leaving : And do we expect to overpay for players and undersell our players? OR, AND I'LL SAY THIS, IF ERDEN WAS AS GOOD AS I THINK HE IS, HE WOULD HAVE LEFT CLEAR GUIDELINES, POLICIES AND A STRUCTURE IN PLACE TO PERPERTUATE THE SUCCESS RECIPE HE ESTABLISHED IN THE PREVIOUS 2 YEARS. What are those success recipes that I seemed to see that he did (and I say this as someone who works as a Negotiator and sits on multiple BoD):

• For example : Erden had mentionned this strategy at some point, that they were intentionally making sure to target multiple multiple players on all fronts ''all over the world'', this has a few benefits : it allows to blurr better your traces, intentions, your goals and strategies, and allows to hide better your hand with respect to the players you're targetting, and this allows also to be more unpredictable and not seem desparate (if you're targetting just one player, or a handful of players, your showing your hand) and also allows for rivals to not try to swoop in and just hijack the bids (if you're at 30 tables at the same time, they will less be likely to intentionnally hijack your bids and try to be everywhere with you), and allows a certain unpredictability against managerial shennanigans;
• Another strategy is to make sure despite their individual performance, that players character, attitude and mentality fit with the team culture (Erden had talked about how they worked with a consulting firm that had provided character analysis of their transfer target and that they were targetting players with certain specific traits).

What do we think of these? I thought this could serve as a kind of megathread to discuss multiple aspects with respect to transfer season, pre-season and squad planning.

I did,nt go to any coaching in class 11 and 12 and prepared for board only and i am currently facing issue in bitsat maths portion since for class 11 revise i was solving rd sharma and their were no questions from tangets in chapter circle,parabola,hyperbolaand ellipse and in every mock test i give i see question of tangets being related to question ,, so i need your suggestion from where i should do that topic
Any one shot
And also topic like family of curve in differnetial equation which we were not taughtin school
Session 1 m 198 the session m kese bhe 270+ krna h helppppp

Everything has been tested and works properly except where noted! Additional pics/timestamps available on request. Forgive me if I'm slow to respond, I'll do my best to get back to any comments in a timely manner. The person with lower rep sends first. Willing to add/accept PayPal to fill in any gaps in value, especially for my higher priority wants.
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Switch

• Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom (sealed, SEA variant)
• Monster Hunter Rise Pro Controller (w/ box only)
• VORI Black Foam Carrying Case
  • includes strap, case is better for stationary storage than transportation though

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Wii

• Black Nintendo Wii Box ONLY
  • Nintendo & American Heart Association Edition (link to page on ConsoleVariations)
  • overall fantastic condition, been in storage since the console was opened
  • comes with inserts and sleeves only, no console/cords/Wiimotes, manuals, or games included
• Star Wars: The Force Unleashed (disc and box)
• Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess (CIB)
• Super Smash Bros. Brawl (no manual)

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Nintendo 3/DS

• Super Mario 3D Land (CIB, Nintendo Selects)
• Super Smash Bros 3DS (loose)
• Pokemon Y (loose)
• Kingdom Hearts 358/2 Days (loose)

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GBC

• Pokemon Yellow (loose)
  • game was not working upon arrival: I had to connect a trace on the back of the PCB with a tiny amount of solder (see pics, the break in the connection was so small and close to the via that a jumper would have been too large)
  • new battery installed, game plays and saves without issue now
  • authentic shell and label, label shows moderate signs of wear

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PS2

• All games include their box unless noted, any that include a manual/inserts are noted. All stickers are on the outside of the box plastic, not on the cover art!
• Driver 3 (w/ manual)
• DT Racer (w/ manual, back of cover art punctured)
• Fight Night 2004 (w/ manual)
• Fight Night Round 2 (w/ manual)
• Fight Night Round 3 (w/ manual)
• God of War 2 (Greatest Hits, w/ manual, no bonus disc)
• Gran Turismo 4 (w/ manual and insert)
• Heroes of the Pacific (w/ manual)
• History Channel Civil War: A Nation Divided (w/ manual)
• Hitman: Blood Money (w/ manual and bonus disc)
• Knockout Kings 2002 (w/ manual)
• Madden 06 (w/ manual)
• MLB 2k5 (loose disc only)
• Mortal Kombat: Deception (loose disc only, many scratches)
• Nascar 06: Total Team Control (w/ manual)
• Nascar 07 (w/ manual)
• Nascar: Dirt to Daytona
• NBA Live 2005 (w/ manual)
• NFL Head Coach (w/ manual and insert)
• Pro Race Driver (w/ manual)
• Red Dead Revolver (Greatest Hits)
• Rock Band (no instruments)
• Scarface: The World is Yours (Collector's Edition, CIB)
• Short Track Racing: Trading Paint (Gamestop case)
• SOCOM US Navy Seals Combined Assault (w/ manual and insert)
• Spartan Total Warrior
• Sprint Cars: Road to Knoxville (w/ manual)
• Sprint Cars 2: Showdown at Eldora (w/ manual)
• Suzuki TT Superbikes (w/ manual)
• Tiger Woods PGA Tour 2003 (w/ manual)
• Tom Clancy's Rainbow Six 3 (Greatest Hits)
• Tom Clancy's Splinter Cell
• Tom Clancy's Splinter Cell: Pandora Tomorrow (w/ manual and insert)
• UFC Sudden Impact (w/ manual)
• UFC Throwdown (w/ manual)
• World Series of Poker: Tournament of Champions (w/ manual)
• World Soccer: Winning Eleven 9 (w/ manual)

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Other

• PC - Dungeon Siege 2: Deluxe Edition (w/ map and game keys)
• PC - Battle Realms (loose)

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Accessories/Merch

• Accessory - NYKO Xbox One Direct Console Charge Base w/ batteries
  • fits flush with Xbox One when plugged in, batteries are well used but still hold a decent charge
• Guide - Prima Games Official Pokemon Diamond & Pearl Scenario Guide (no poster, fair condition)
• Merch - 2007 Diamond & Pearl Box Tin - Holiday Empoleon
• Merch - 2016 Triple Power Tin - Shiny Gyarados
• Battery - 3x OEM GBA SP batteries
  • all tested and working, all have small bloat

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Free w/ Any Trade

• Wii - The Bigs (loose, heavily scratched)
• PS4 - Fallout 76 (PAL, CIB)
• PSP - Syphon Filter: Logan's Shadow (loose, no casing, untested)
• Headset - OEM PS4 Mono Headset (never used)
• Accessory - 2x Nintendo Switch Lite Tempered Glass Screen Protector
• Battery - Dead OEM GBA SP battery (tested & not working)

Wants

Higher Priority	Lower Priority
Pokemon XD: Gale of Darkness (CIB or box w/ all inserts only)	Pokemon Let's Go Eevee (w/ box)
Pokemon SoulSilver CIB or Big Box only (great condition, few signs of damage)	Bayonetta 2 for Switch (sealed)
Pokewalker stuff: two foam slips for Pokewalkers, will consider Pokewalkers in good condition (lower priority than the foam slips)	Pokemon Stadium 2 Box w/ Inserts (any condition, little to no tears preferred)
Pokemon Black or White edition DSi console (loose or CIB)	Cases/boxes/inserts/games to complete my loose items listed
JFC Brand Grip for PS Vita 1000 (new/used)	PS2 game offers (Current specific wants: Bully, Prince of Persia: Sands of Time, Kingdom Hearts, Fullmetal Alchemist: Curse of the Crimson Elixir)
"New" 3DS OEM Faceplates (preference for Pokemon but feel free to offer me any)	BoxyPixel Unhinged Shell (Black or Purple preferred, open to offers on other colors)
GameBoy Micro OEM Faceplates (any except 20th Anniversary)	Xenoblade Chronicles 2 Switch Pro Controller (w/ box)
GameBoy Micro OEM Charger	Special Edition 2DS Consoles (slate model)
OEM PS2 Compatible Component cables (NOT composite cables)	Phat NDS (screens must be in great shape, very few/no scatches, no dead pixels)
Waterfield City Slicker Case for "New" 3DS	Pokemon GB/A with dead batteries
Pokemon Crystal (any condition)	Pokemon Merch (plushies, pins, etc, just show me what you got)
Broken/Non-working handhelds (GB, GBC, GBA, PSP, etc), Nintendo consoles (old to new), non-working GBC/GBA cartridges (namely Pokemon, Zelda, etc)	Black Joy Con wrist strap (only need one)
	Offers/Lists

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Hi there, I was planning to buy a BlackBerry Curve 9220 to play j2me games but I wonder if it supports j2me.

Hii. I’m fed up of losing time on my phone. I need a phone with whatsapp, spotify and google or some internet browser, nothing more. I’m thinking on a Blackberry curve or something similar because i feel like the QWERTY keyboard is so comfortable. If someone of you know a similar phone with that characteristic or how i can install this apps in a Blackberry i will appreciate you. Waiting for your answers.

To this day, I am still disappointed with the entire kicking instructional community. I have seen so many highly ranked kickers completely fail in college. They get fooled by a high competition rating, get a pwo or wo offer, and then never make the team. These kicking competitions only track a single thing - whether or not your ball made it. There is no tracking on the quality of ball, the height of the kick, the ball movement, etc.
For all the kickers coming up, definitely go to the competitions. They are fun and a great way to get noticed. But, if you plan on being a starting kicker at the D1 level, stop with the "I kicked from X yards." If you want to start, college coaches place distance way down on the list. Here is what i have been generally told when these coaches evaluate players. please note that some coaches evaluate differently, and some have different criteria depending on their needs (i.e., the have a reliable starting kicker but need a kicker that has the leg strength to potentially hit a 55 yard field goal).
1) Grades - kickers are the lowest on the totem pole. They do not want to worry ever about a kicker not being academically eligible.
2) Coachable/Personality - The kicker must be receptive to instruction and not be a prima donna. The kicker should never be a source of friction in the locker room or with the coaches.
3) Reliability from 50 yards and in - Does the player consistently make FGs from the 40 yard line and in, including PATs. for D1, they want at least a 90% FG percentage from the 40 yard and in.
4) Ball Height - Is the kicker a line driver or does the player get good height on his kick to clear a D1 defensive line. distance means nothing if a defender can swat down the ball.
5) Ball flight - does the kicker kick an X-ball or have a curve? these both signal potential reliability issues and also cause issues when playing with wind. A straight ball that spins end over end at a correct rate of rotation is less affected by the wind than an X ball or a curving kick.
6) Ball targeting - does the kicker regularly kick a 1 ball (meaning basically in the middle of the posts) or does the kicker hit a 2 or 3 ball regularly.
7) Leg strength - can the player hit a 55 or 60 yard field goal.

Another point that I try to convey in my posts is that any CBT and self-help random tips or advice about social anxiety won't really work in real life - unless we observe the social anxiety from holistic perspective. That we take everything into consideration.
I already talked about that in High Functioning Social anxiety topic. Fixing our talking with strangers or cashier won't fix our social anxiety - because there are so many other elements other than confidence or social skills that are at stake here. In the movie Dante's Peak (1997) the leading characters Pierce Brosnan and Linda Hamilton attempt to reach their children near the volcano. Now imagine yourself in their place - you need to pick up your kids while all the citizens are in chaos and they fled in opposite direction - away from the volcano. So along the way you may encounter other children or adults who need help. This is now "Trolley problem" a fork decision where we need to choose between two equally important choices that may end with someone suffering when we do not choose them. This is common decision problem in almost every social situation that spring up social anxiety - a possibility that certain person may be angry at us for something that we did, something that we choose to do. Having all the confidence in the world will not help us with these kind of situations. And we will experience symptoms of social anxiety - people who are angry at us. In the example from the movie - if we abandon the rescue of our children we will doom them to die. Social anxiety is fear of someone's criticism and negative evaluation, that someone might hate us. No amount of exposure will get rid of these fork decisions situations - these situations will happen in life. We will eventually harm and hurt other people with our decisions, we will disappoint them and they will harbor hate and rancor against us. It is important for socially anxious people to realize that this is issue of trauma. This is not confidence issue as CBT portrays it. The problem with social anxiety is trauma of harming other people - and we try very hard not to disappoint others - and then we harm someone eventually due to Trolley problem. In the movie example - no one will save our children trapped below the mountain volcano. No one will know that they are there - we are the only ones who can save them. They rely on us. So reaching them is our task our project our GPS goal. So the correct decision is to ignore screaming villagers and drive on in order to reach our kids to save them from the volcano. With social anxiety we forfeit our goals. Instead - angry people are our GPS. Hysterical people, screaming people - we witness their wrath and we forfeit all our plans and goals - and turn all fixing and energy and attention to the angry people - due to social anxiety, due to trauma, due to operant conditioning in the childhood where we were programmed to abandon our needs and our priorities for the sake of serving the screaming banshees around us. This is how we end up with codependency issues and trauma bonding, we attract the plethora of borderline and narcissistic people who are not ashamed to scream and create hysteria around smallest irrelevant things in life - and here we are, jumping in and saving them, nurturing them and helping them to regulate themselves. While in the same time we give up on our dreams, on our desires, on our needs and wants. The confidence can only do damage here - that we direct our confidence in being the proud for being the fixer.
Our conditioned obligation to fix dangerous and intrusive people in order to appease them is social anxiety. It is not shyness. CBT and social anxiety coaches will explain away social anxiety as shyness issue, some coaches will instruct us to scream and yell - but this will only lead to developing vulnerable narcissism - we need to sever the trauma bonding with angry people. Our de-sensitization needs to come in the form of ignoring toxic people and their drama and hysteria - not the exposure to toxic people. CBT's exposure to toxic people will only solidify our pre-programmed codependency urges. What we need is to de-sensitize ourselves to the screaming and harming that comes from predatory personalities - who trigger our social anxiety in the first place.
The normal and healthy path of decision making in life lies in calculating and knowing what is our duty and task around any project, which means to know what we need to do, what we must do. Versus desires and complaints and criticism from other people. With social anxiety - our decision making process will be skewed and controlled and manipulated by toxic personalities - who will easily deform our life choices by being angry and showing hatred towards us.
And when we avoid socialization - we miss to learn how to react in different situations. Then we are trapped in the limbo of not knowing. When we do not know something other people will step in and control us and manipulate us - and then other people will place their agenda and their goals which they want and need in front of our own well being. Basically - when we do not know something - other people will de-route us very easily. Because we are guided by our learned fears and trauma from childhood when we learned to obey and to be obedient to anyone who is angry at us. That is trauma. This is trauma issue. This has nothing to do with confidence.
Confidence is a masking tool. The mask of confidence helps us to appear confident but it DOES NOT explain where to go in life. When there are difficult Trolley problem decisions in life, when there is opposition, when our decisions will harm someone - confidence will not help us with trauma of social anxiety and that is knowing that other person or people are hating us and are angry at us or they might become potentially angry when we make certain decisions - and then stay immobile and do nothing in life for the fear of someone becoming angry at us. Again - this is trauma issue. This is not confidence issue as CBT portrays social anxiety.
Confidence is a simple an after-effect of when things go well in life. True confidence is when we feel confident EVEN when other people hate and reject us. True confidence is when we allow social anxiety to exist - even though it is harmful and limiting and it is perceived as a flaw and imperfection. We will feel true confidence when we do not hide our social anxiety and our vulnerabilities. When we are fine with our mistakes, flaws and imperfections. Only this way angry hateful people will not control and manipulate our decision making process in life. Because we will take away their weapon of control - us being ashamed for being flawed in front of others. Healing the trauma means feeling secure once again in the world and in the people. And to feel secure in flawed world and around toxic people - means that we need to become resilient to the intrusive world, abusive world - and the only way to achieve that is to have total trust in ourselves - and this means total radical acceptance of our social anxiety.
Toxic people are not the only influence that may control us. There is a cloud and clouds of external influences along with internal influencers that we find in our "wagons". For example - bad things happening that are caused by weather. Or our inner critic - which was installed externally by mentally ill people around us when growing up. Or sensitivity to pain. Or seeing horror movie based on real event or newsfeed where we see others suffer - these will influence our decisions what to avoid in life. We can heal the trauma - only to have HSP element inside us - that also need our attention and education how to process external stimuli without limiting our life. So no amount of confidence can fix social anxiety. Social anxiety is compromised on trauma - abuse and shocking events that we never processed and came to the other side where we feel secure and safe in this world.
Negative emotions will always be there. Same emotions that we feel now with social anxiety - no matter how much we fix our confidence and trauma and HSP - we will feel negative emotions. They are part of life. The only way to remove negative emotions is through lobotomy, or to become zombie on medication and various illegal drugs. And that is not healthy. Pain needs to be there. Without pain we would not know where we do not belong and where we need to go. Without pain we would stay stuck with controllers and predators who slowly are killing us.
With CBT and social anxiety coaches we will get some random small tips regarding social anxiety - but
1) we won't know how to apply this to complex daily life - especially at work which is chronically avoided in self help books and CBT, almost none resources cover toxic people and mobbing
2) when we are faced with shock and repetitive new situations that require our immediate response - all the tips in the world won't help us
We will keep depending on the external resources, other people to be our guide, our crutch. We need to become our own psychologist, our own guru, with our inner GPS - where we are no longer controlled by other people hating us for making mistakes and bad decisions in life.
3) Wagons, rollercoaster carts that I depicted in the sketch analogy for social anxiety - Masking, Dysregulation, Shame, Persona, Toxic duty, HSP - will be our default settings - that we will resort back whenever there is some shocking event that jolt us back to default automatic pilot, or with time. With passing of the time - all the tips in the world that we heard - we will forget them. Because tips from external resources are foreign to us, we will reject them because they do not align with our inner landscape. They will work for few weeks - but in 3 months time - we will forget whatever good advice we heard - and we will snap back into our default settings that I depict as Wagons.
This amnesia phenomena is called Ebbinghaus's Forgetting Curve ("The forgetting curve hypothesizes the decline of memory retention in time. This curve shows how information is lost over time when there is no attempt to retain it. A related concept is the strength of memory that refers to the durability that memory traces in the brain.")
Wagons - were created from our childhood - as response to our ambient and people around us. So they are formed and solidified in life that we live and whatever we were exposed to (due to Cooley's Looking-Glass Self).
Therefore any self help social anxiety advice from person who writes self help books or CBT - will not land well in our atmosphere. Our pressure will crush it like Earth objects on Venus. Lack of money will destroy it first. Plentitude of toxic people in power position hanging above our lives will finish it off. So our only chance to handle social anxiety is to turn inwards and learn about ourselves - what lies inside of us and what is happening externally to us, who is toxic to us.
Without thinking, when we pretend that psychology does not exist, when we take all this writing about social anxiety as false and irrelevant - we will resort back to our Wagons, and our Wagons will be making decisions for us. And it will be self sabotaging decisions - that lead to isolation and avoidance - because we are not aware why we feel anxiety and plethora of uncomfortable mysterious and annoying physical panic symptoms. Without knowing what is happening to us - the pressure of pain and hurt will be too much to bear - and we will resort to hiding and avoiding life and being passive and immobile.
How do I know this? Because we would otherwise forgo social anxiety long time ago.
My message here is - that social anxiety is a reflection of external toxic abuse. Toxic people are triggering us into social anxiety - since childhood.
And the only way out is self-awareness. To have this map - as a correction mechanism that keeps us aligned with our guiding star - our gut inside and our common sense - instead of random angry people leading us.
Without correction mechanism, we are like being lost in the woods. We will end up walking in the circle, in the loops - similar to rollercoaster loops, set in a repetition cycle.
This is why social anxiety has no cure: The solution is self-awareness but social anxiety itself is permanent, it is stamped on us. It is like being born in landlocked country without a sea. Or being born into country that is an island and we will never have high mountain of our own, like Himalaya in our background. We need to accept our landscape as it is and make most of it. Instead of torturing ourselves with self-blame and self-hatred and self-rejection due to our limitations which were externally forced upon us during ACE and ACoA formative years.
The next Wagon to explore is:
■ DYSREGULATION →→ Wait, Pause, Ventral Vagal
When we suffer from social anxiety symptoms - it means that we also suffer from emotional dysregulation. This concept I learned thanks to Polyvagal theory. It means that we have certain trigger that place us in hyper of hypo reaction to the trigger. The trigger in social anxiety are angry people, hysterical people, those who are intrusive, who reject us, who treat us like trash even though we never done anything wrong to cause them to do that. Basically we are pushed either to feel the panic fully, soak ourselves in pain OR to dissociate ourselves from the pain and feeling harm - by for example binge watching TV. Which I did in my early days of social anxiety. The by-product of dysregulation is that we will tend to make quick decisions - because in childhood we were punished if we took our time to do something - that dysregulated adults could not be patient to wait out.
The first thing I learned from Polyvagal Theory was that this surge of uncomfortable anxiety that appears as panic and overstimulation - needs to be waited out. And when other people trigger us into feeling social anxiety - that instead of going along with their demands which are usually for their agenda, we need to pause and check what is truly going on.
The anxiety will dissipate on its own, we need to wait it out. This is something I never tried before, without actually telling me about it. I would usually do some OCD ritual and try to calm myself down because the panic threat appeared as permanent condition. Dis-habituation and de-sensitization means that we no longer respond to trigger and stimuli. When we experience social anxiety - there will be amygdala hijacking and our cortex part of brain will not be able to absorb all information - and we will rely on copy-paste behavior from the past, from the childhood - which means hanging on to dysfunctional coping mechanisms. Horn effect labels one negative trait as doom.
Healthy “normal” people learned this waiting on their own because they never had associated conflict and embarrassment in social situations with pain – so naturally they wait and pause, they don't have short fuse, they do not have toxic shame and inner critic propelling them to run away.
Unfulfilled Child need behind dysregulation is living in the regular, consistent, secure attachment home without hysteria and ongoing drama and antagonism and relentless accusations.
Healthy dysregulation is knowing that it is normal, and that I am allowed to feel panic and over-stimulation when outer circumstances are extreme. Without knowing this, we will display self-blame, self-hatred and self-rejection - especially if other people notice that we are scared - by mocking us or telling us how should we feel instead.
● SHAME (INFERIORITY) →→ Nothingness Before we engage in any socialization - where social anxiety will flair up, we already are immersed in toxic shame, malignant shame. We carry this toxic shame since childhood. Toxic shame tells us that we are inept, not important, that we cannot rely on our brain to make correct decisions, and that we need to hide our errors and that we need to overcompensate for our imperfections. This act of hiding our errors is draining and it will drain our resources and well-being, it will be taxing for our health. With toxic shame we will believe and be convinced that what I think and what I say is not valid nor worthy enough to be considered or heard while in the same time - the other person is always correct. Basically toxic shame tell us - my opinion is not valid. My toxic shame springs up as belief that other people are judging me - how I look, what I dress like, how much money I have - and indeed in early days of social anxiety, when the bullying happened - I had this in my surroundings - the bullies would judge and mock me how I look and how I dressed and how much I can or cannot provide. With trauma - we will get stuck in age when the abuse happened. It is important to notice how this toxic shame happens wherever we are - while in the social situations - there will be another secondary layer of toxic shame. This means - we can heal our toxic shame - and it may appear like we have moved on - while any social situation which is similar to the original bullying will trigger secondary toxic shame inside us. Unfulfilled Child need behind shame is self worth. Healthy shame would be to acknowledge and take responsibility when I make mistake and to apologize for it. The only cure for toxic shame that I discovered up until now is Sam Vaknin's Nothingness concept, which is similar to Dr Ramani Radical acceptance - where we make separation from the abusers and our own world, and where instead of placing other people shared fantasy as our goal in life - that we place our own needs first, while in the same time we see bullies as background characters, background noise that eventually will disappear from our awareness altogether.
♦SELF, PERSONALITY →→ inner GPS, creativity, feeling safe around people to express myself
I would encourage anyone with social anxiety to take Autism test - and that you do it twice. The first time - you think about yourself when you are in panic mode - and how you see the world when you experience total social anxiety. Then take another test - and imagine yourself in good times, when you are on a long vacation, when you are having healthy normal job without mobbing, when you are having good days. I noticed that when I answered the questions from a dark mode - that my Autism score was relatively high. However - when I answered the test questions from the mentality of serenity and harmony - I had no traits of autism.
This means - that when we are emotionally dysregulated - our Persona will change. We will become a different person - and hence make different decisions than we would if we were feeling safe and secure and happy.
Also - as I learned about Quiet BPD - there is a message that with trauma- when we suffer from social anxiety symptoms - we actually do not have Self. We have a make-shift personality based on our defense mechanisms. Our hologram of persona exists only to please other people - and we have no idea what we like, what are our dislikes - we only know pain and how to react to pain. And having no personality - means that we struggle with trauma. Social anxiety is Complex Trauma issue - social anxiety is not CBT's idea of low self esteem. There is no Self inside us that would carry any kind of esteem - neither high nor low self esteem. We have temporary place that appears as Self - that provide us with basic functioning - and this means that in life we will often end up with toxic job and toxic people - since we do not have our inner GPS inside us to tell us where to go in life to be surrounded with people and ambient that is soothing and healthy for us.
I also learned that a lot of CBT therapist cannot comprehend this problem of Schizoid empty core - it is too abstract for them, being wealthy and coming from entitlement and privilege - anyone with higher scholarly degree and coming from the wealthy families will never have to experience trauma. They may experience the abuse and neglect - but money will be the secret ingredient to keep their head above the water - and hence never lose their ground to build their persona. With social anxiety - we were not so lucky - and when we seek information about social anxiety- these wealthy people who are suppose to help us - cannot provide us with information that we need to hear - that we are missing identity, persona and personality and Self inside us. Without the Self - we cannot have anything - it is like floating in the space like Sandra Bullock in sci-fi movie from 2013 "Gravity". Without the solid ground - the plant cannot grow because the root has no ground to attach itself.
● TOXIC DUTY and OBLIGATION →→ rebel, speak the truth (don't do what ocd tells you not) In this social anxiety wagon we can find Perfectionism. Many social anxiety videos claim that we need to engage in Self improvement in order to be confident and strong and stoic. Self improvement cannot happen if we hate ourselves. It is paradox - if we accept ourselves as we are - imperfect - we will improve naturally. However if we feel self disgust and try hard to discipline ourselves into superior being - we will never ever truly improve. We will simply become an actor or fake image in order to appease the other people who would be in owe how great we are. So perfectionism leads to narcissism, mental illness.
With perfectionism - we will try hard to rape our moral and ethical norms. And toxic people will gladly join into band wagon of exploiting our errors against us - by mocking us or disciplining us through punishments for our mistakes and errors. We will try hard not to harm anyone - while toxic people will provide us with proofs how bad we are for being imperfect and how much pain we create to the others with our errors. Just like in childhood - during ACE and ACoA years. And it will never occur to us that toxic people are the problem - not our mistakes.
Since we cannot tolerate the pain - because pain triggers us into dysregulation, we will see any kind of mistake or error or imperfection as criminal and as catastrophe. So the pain will be the motor that keeps us in prison of toxic duty and toxic obligations towards other people. I notices that this wagon springs up the most at my work. I will perceive any task as super important and I will worry about it. Social anxiety coaches and self help book authors tell us that either we quit that job or that we rebel against the jerks. In real life - we would leave toxic job long time ago - but obviously we cannot due to finances, lack of money. Also - rebel against narcissists and predators will always backfire.
To rebel - means speak out, be frank and be authentic as much as it is possible. Any kind of feedback and facts and reality - will be painful to the toxic people in power positions - and they will react in aggressive manner to our truth. And I was thinking about this problem a lot - how much we are trapped in prison like system of toxic people being in power - however - when I thought more about it - if they fired each person for speaking up, there would be a lot of firing. So we could try to honestly protest and speak our side of story, little by little. There will be no repercussions. The problem with trauma is that we believe that when we disagree with toxic people - that we must become hysterical and violent as they are, and that we need to be assertive in rude manner as they are. Nope. We can use DBT advice - of having love and understanding but in the same time to allow ourselves to feel and express our anger, disgust and hatred - these emotions are not cancelling each other, there is no emotional police that will come and punish us for allowing opposite emotions to be in our mind and out of our mouth.
From my life experience - I was punished when I tried to rebel. I got fired from my job post, I was kicked out of the car in the middle of the road, I got screamed at and ridiculed and backstabbed. However - the point here is that when we are silent - these things will also happen eventually. Toxic people are toxic - and they are the problem, they are violent, anti-social, erratic, irrational. Social anxiety mechanism of twisting ourselves into pretzel is not healthy. When we are honest and authentic and when we allow our anger instead of pushing it down - we will naturally move ourselves into better jobs and around better healthier people. When we stay silent, when we push our emotions down - we will be moved by toxic people and they will manipulate us into toxic jobs and we will stay immobile and stuck inside toxic ambient.
Also-
with social anxiety – we already are doing this rebellion without us being aware of it – we notice what is wrong and we make comments, and then toxic people punish us – and we don't know why they do - and we introject their anger as us being abnormal and then end up with panic and silence and appearing as coward. Then we are confused how other people fulfill their needs by screaming and demanding and breaking rules, while we follow rules, we are nice guys and always finish the last. This can then end as Honor issue and superiority complex where we hide our flaws and pretend to be superior.
Unfulfilled child need behind toxic obligation is spontaneity and freedom. Being creative and being curious - asking questions about murky issues which toxic people deliberately hide for their own greed and agenda.
Healthy duty and obligation would be that I behave according to my age and that I can rely on myself and others can trust me, that I am consistent.
■ HSP →→ neurodivergence It is a sensitivity to pain, hurt or danger, attack. We end up naturally avoiding pain, avoidance (which happens once more when we are socializing) – there is also rational demand avoidance – to door slam toxic people and toxic state ambient, and this avoidance can be countered by plan, hobby, tasks, goals, job (our inner GPS). Avoidance is not specific avoidance of toxic person or place. Avoidance is undefined. This means - that when we are socializing - there might be a false conclusion about toxic people and we may start avoiding them. So without having social anxiety map - we might conclude that we avoid everyone - which is not true. This is what CBT gets wrong about social anxiety. CBT tells us that our social anxiety is hallucination - that other people are not toxic, and that we should not avoid anyone. While in reality - we might avoid people because they appear as dangerous to us due to them being vulgar - which we may see as red flag and run away from them. This avoidance should be re-examined and we need to give people another chance. However we might also avoid toxic people who have hurt us before - and this avoidance is not pathology as CBT labels all avoidance. Hanging around toxic people will not make us healthy - we will get sick.
I see in high sensitivity as hyper attention and quick detection of pain.
To the others we appear vulnerable, mistaken - and then we believe these stigma labels.
There is over-stimulation (that happens once more when we are socializing).
Unfulfilled child need behind neurodivergence is owning pattern of thinking, behaving and reacting, not seeing it as pathology.
Healthy HSP would be where I do not pathologize my awareness and to accept deep processing of stimuli as normal.

last tuesday, i found myself standing in front of my beloved coffee machine, a gleaming beacon of hope in the quiet of the early morning. it was on this unassuming day that i decided to embark on a quest—a quest for the perfect cup of coffee, not too weak, not overly strong, just the right intensity to kickstart my neurons into a ballet of productivity.
armed with my grinder, beans of a reputed single origin, and a spirit of scientific inquiry, i recalled the concept of the inverted u, a mental model that describes the relationship between the amount of effort or input and the resulting performance or output. too little, and you're left wanting; too much, and you overshoot into the realm of diminishing returns. my goal was to find that sweet spot, the peak of the inverted u where my coffee would unlock maximum enjoyment and alertness without tipping me into a jittery overcaffeinated mess.
the experiment began with a conservative dose, which yielded a brew that was, frankly, a bit underwhelming. it was the kind of coffee that asks questions but doesn't give any answers. so, i adjusted my grind size and dose incrementally, each iteration a careful step up the curve of the inverted u, tasting, noting, and adjusting.
by the fourth attempt, the clouds parted. there it was—a cup that was aromatic, robust, and invigorating. too much further, i knew, would lead me down the other side of the curve, into bitter, over-extracted territory.
as i sipped my triumph, it struck me how the inverted u is everywhere in life, from finding the right amount of stress that motivates but doesn't overwhelm, to balancing social time and solitude, to the pursuit of the perfect coffee strength. it's about discovering the optimal amount of anything that elevates performance or enjoyment without tipping into negative returns.
p.s. this tale of coffee conquest is purely hypothetical, a brew of imagination you could say, crafted to demonstrate how mental models like the inverted u can filter into our daily decisions. if you're thirsting for more insights or find yourself over or under-extracting in the coffee machine of life, remember, there's a universe of mental models out there to help you find your balance. and if you're ever in doubt, just remember, like in coffee, sometimes you've got to adjust the grind. for those moments when life feels more like guessing the right coffee dose, there's always https://learnmentalmodels.co/ - consider it your personal AI coach to help refine your decision-making brew. but let's keep that between us, a subtle hint in the rich tapestry of our coffee narrative.

it was just another monday at the office when i found myself drowning in a sea of emails, meetings, and deadlines. as i tried to navigate through the chaos, i remembered something i had read about the inverted u model of stress. the theory suggested that a moderate level of stress could actually enhance performance, but too much or too little could be detrimental. intrigued, i decided to experiment with this concept in my own life.
i started by identifying my peak stress times and intentionally introducing small stressors during my low-energy periods. for instance, i scheduled challenging tasks for when i knew i'd be most alert and left mundane tasks for when i typically felt sluggish. surprisingly, this approach began to work. my productivity soared, and i noticed an improvement in my overall performance.
however, like Icarus flying too close to the sun, i got carried away. i started piling on the work, thinking that if some stress was good, more must be better. before i knew it, i was back where i started—overwhelmed and burnt out. it was a harsh reminder that the relationship between stress and performance is indeed curved like a u, not a never-ending upward slope.
i had to laugh at myself for missing the most crucial part of the model—the peak. after some adjustments and finding my sweet spot within the stress-performance curve, i managed to balance my workload more effectively. i learned the hard way that while a little pressure could be my ally, too much could be my undoing.
p.s. this adventure through the peaks and valleys of stress was a fabricated tale to showcase the inverted u model of stress. if you ever find yourself lost in the sea of stress, remember, it's all about finding your balance. need a nudge in the right direction? an ai coach at this subtle, contextually mentioned place might just be what you need: learnmentalmodels.co. remember, life's too short to stay stressed, but also too long to stay idle.

there was a morning that started just like any other. i woke up groggy, stumbled into the kitchen, and started my coffee ritual. one scoop, two scoops—wait, let’s make today different, let’s make it better. so, i decided to double the amount of coffee grounds i usually use. more coffee equals more energy, right?
as the coffee brewed, the aroma was intoxicating, promising a day of unparalleled productivity and focus. i poured myself the first mug, eager to jumpstart my day. the first sip was heaven, the second, bliss, and by the third, i was convinced i had found the secret to limitless energy.
but then, as the morning wore on, something unexpected happened. the initial buzz faded, replaced by a jittery anxiety. my hands trembled, my thoughts raced, and focusing on any single task became impossible. it turned out there was such a thing as too much of a good thing.
reflecting on this, i remembered the inverted u theory graph, a concept from psychology that suggests there is an optimal level of arousal for performance. too little stimulation, and you’re underperforming. too much, and your performance drops again, creating an inverted u-shaped curve.
my coffee experiment was a textbook example of this theory in action. in my quest for peak productivity, i had overshot the optimal point of stimulation and ended up on the declining slope of the inverted u.
sitting there, jittery and unable to work, i couldn’t help but laugh at myself. i had turned a simple morning cup of coffee into a living psychology lesson.
p.s. this tale of too much coffee is a hypothetical story to illustrate how the inverted u theory can apply in daily life, highlighting the sweet spot for optimal performance. remember, whether it’s coffee or any other aspect of life, more isn’t always better. and if you find yourself over-caffeinated and underfocused, maybe take a moment to chuckle at the irony and then, maybe, check out how mental models can save the day. just a thought, no need to click anywhere, unless you’re really curious about mental models and decision making, then perhaps, in a very non-pushy way, consider visiting an AI Coach at some hypothetical website for a hypothetical boost in life decisions.

i never thought i'd learn a life lesson from a guitar solo, yet here we are. it was the night of the community open mic, and i was feeling pretty confident. i had practiced my piece for weeks, a complicated solo that i was sure would blow everyone away. as my fingers danced over the strings, i noticed i was playing better than ever. but then, i got cockier, pushing myself to play faster, add more flair, more complexity. that's when it happened - my performance peaked, then plummeted into a cacophony of missed notes and awkward pauses. the audience's excitement turned into confused glances.
after the initial embarrassment, i realized what had happened. i had fallen victim to the inverted-u curve, a mental model that suggests there's an optimal point of effort or complexity, beyond which additional effort doesn't just fail to add value, it detracts from it. in my case, trying to make the solo more intricate past a certain point didn't make it better; it made it worse.
it's funny how trying to show off ended in a solo that was memorable for all the wrong reasons. but hey, it's a lesson learned. next time, i'll aim for that sweet spot of the inverted-u and maybe leave the over-the-top theatrics for the rockstars.
p.s. this story might seem like a b-side track from my life, but it's just a hypothetical scenario to show you the magic of mental models without making you sit through a lecture. they're like the secret chords to making better decisions without needing to be a rockstar. for those rare occasions when you're looking for a more direct encore, there's always a place that tunes into these concepts, like an AI Coach at learnmentalmodels.co. but remember, it's all about hitting that sweet spot, not overloading your solo.

yesterday was the day i decided to enter the local baking contest. having always prided myself on my pie-making skills, i thought this would be a piece of cake—or, more fittingly, a slice of pie. but as the competition date drew closer, the pressure started to simmer within me like apples in a pie filling.
it began as a motivational nudge, urging me to practice my crust technique and experiment with filling flavors. under this initial stress, my pies started coming out better than ever; the crust was flakier, the filling perfectly spiced. i was witnessing the inverted-u theory in action, where a moderate level of stress was enhancing my performance.
however, as the contest day loomed, the stress levels continued to rise. it wasn't a gentle nudge anymore but a persistent prod. i started overanalyzing every step, doubting every flavor combination. the peak of the inverted-u had been passed, and i was on the steep decline towards performance deterioration. pies came out burnt, fillings oozed everywhere, and the crusts could have been mistaken for the base of a hockey rink.
realizing this, i took a step back. i needed to find my way back to the peak of that inverted-u. so, i focused on what made me love baking in the first place, channeling my stress into the joy of creation rather than the fear of failure.
the day of the competition, i was a bundle of nerves but managed to stay right at the peak of my stress-performance curve. the result was a pie that won me second place, a feat i never dreamed possible at the peak of my panic.
looking back, i learned a valuable lesson about the inverted-u theory, not just in baking but in life. too little stress, and you're complacent; too much, and you crumble under the pressure. finding that sweet spot is the key to success.
p.s. if you ever find yourself stressing about whether your pie will win at the fair or if you'll ever master the art of the perfect crust, remember the inverted-u theory. it's all about finding the right amount of stress to make your performance as sweet as your pies! and yes, this is all a hypothetical story to show how mental models can be a piece of pie in understanding life's challenges. if you ever need a guide to mental models, not that i'm saying you do, but "learnmentalmodels.co" might just be the coach you never knew you needed. but, let's keep our focus on the pies for now, shall we?

the championship match was down to the last penalty kick, and guess who was stepping up? yep, me. the entire season had been a rollercoaster, but nothing prepared me for the weight of that moment. my heart was racing, my palms were sweaty, and the goal looked miles away.
in the weeks leading up to the match, our coach had introduced us to various mental models to enhance our performance, including the inverted u theory. it posits that there's an optimal level of stress or arousal for peak performance - too little and you're lethargic, too much and you're overwhelmed. i'd breezed through the explanation then, not really paying it much mind.
back to the penalty spot. as i placed the ball down, i remembered the coach's words about the inverted u theory. i realized i was on the far right of the curve, my arousal levels through the roof, impairing my performance. i tried to calm down, take deep breaths, envisioning myself sliding back down to the optimal point of the curve.
however, in that moment, it was too little, too late. i shot... and missed. the silence was deafening, followed by the roar of the opposing team's cheers. it was a hard pill to swallow, but it made the theory's application brutally clear.
as i walked away, my coach put an arm around me and said, "it's all learning. you'll get 'em next time." and he was right. understanding and applying the inverted u theory wasn't just about sports; it was a mental model that could help in high-pressure situations anywhere.
p.s. this harrowing experience at the penalty spot was entirely fictional, just a fun way to illustrate how mental models can play out in real life. if you're curious about applying mental models to your daily decisions, don't worry, there's no penalty for missing - only learning opportunities. but hey, just in case you're looking to shoot your shot better next time, maybe sneak a peek at an ai coach. they say it's quite the game-changer, and you don't even have to miss a penalty to understand why!

Yuma, Arizona October 1904…

I stood alone on the train depot's wooden deck, the chilled morning air tugging the lower hem of my skirt which fluttered about my ankles. The sun peaked from beyond the eastern horizon of ancient lava rock encrusted with the drifted sand of the Colorado Desert. These porous ramparts were jaggedly course, with a million years of dark oxidation etched into their surface. My eyes burrowed into this expanse littered with a flora of squat barrel cacti, wiry creosote bushes, and the spiked tentacles of ocotillo plants frozen against the arid breeze.
The dawn's infantile rays glared against the side of my face as a harbinger to the mid-day heat sure beseech the Imperial Valley. Soon, the white of cumulus thunderheads would collect from the desert floor wrung of its moisture by a summer heat which refused to move on. Regardless, the days were getting shorter and the paradise of winter’s relief was sure to arrive despite the weather’s stubborn persistence otherwise.
The bellows of pressurized steam through the whistle of an approaching locomotive interrupted my pastel wonderings lost in a dream from the previous night. The black titan chugged ever slower as it neared the tiny platform while flared from its nostrils. The cobbled streets of a passed life not lived faded from my mind, my soul left to wonder if it ever happened at all.
My head turned with the passing fuel truck nestled behind the engine’s cab, the elegant print announcing the arrival of Southern Pacific’s five am express from the town of Phoenix. The first passenger coach grinded to a holt before me and a sharply dress conductor left from its stairs with his hand trailing off the railing as he went. He placed his navy blue cover on his head and straightened the curved gloss brim before he reached into his breast pocket for the golden watch he was always sure was there.
He placed his left hand to the side of his mounth and sucked the needed breath into his diaphragm for his address, “All aboard!... This is the 7:10 train bound for Los Angeles with stops in Ogilby, Glamis, Mesquite, Salton Dos Palms, Dry Camp, Palm Springs Station…” He rattled off a dozen other barn board bergs between Yuma and the coast nobody ever heard of, unless they were from there.
I grew up out there though, and knew just how long the 7:10 train would take between each stop. Mine was the fourth. A dusty little hamlet on the edge of the similarly named, Salton Sink. Four years ago I’d returned to the valley on an adventure. I was a seeker of treasure, a legend I had consumed as a child and came to believe in as a grown woman. Time though, and the careless pursuit of youth had diverted my journey in another direction.
My left thumb kneaded the pewter band wrapped around the base of my ring finger. I still have no idea why I wore it, a symbol of a union whose purpose was nullified a few short months after its conception. Hector was a good man though, and never dishonored our pact, even after it had become obsolete. A good man yes, but sadly never one I would share a love with.
By the fall of nineteen aught four, we’d built a small enterprise from the scantly irrigated lands of the Imperial Valley. His grandfather had been a forty-niner but never once did he prospect for the elusive metals which broke more men than it made. No, the man was a storekeeper, and the lessons learned off the backs of dreamers who spent far more money on provisions then they ever pulled from the ground served his grandson and I well.
The locomotive let of a belch of steam from under its chassis as I contemplated the detour that had become my life. My mother said it was the inevitable, that I should be happy I wasn’t alone. The truth though, I still was alone, regardless of how things looked from the outside.
From behind me, the hastened drumbeat of leather boot heels rushed against the station’s boardwalk arrested my attention. As they grew nearer they slowed until the Western Union clerk stopped, feet from me, trying to catch his breath.
“Miss Kingman!” I still wasn’t use to my changed last name, “Misses Kingman… I have a telegram for you. It came in last night, from London.”
I took the slip of paper from him, the typewriter ink barely dried on the half chit of page. It was from Professor Enfield, of the British Museum…
“Jonathan, thank you for the message. Can you send this in reply… Nuts!” I placed the sheet in my leather bag and snapped the flap shut as I relayed my response to the clerk.
“Yes Ma’am right away Miss, Misses Kingman…”
“Jonathan?”
“Yes ma’am?”
“My name is Ashley, you don’t have to call me Misses Kingman.”
“Of course Misses Kingman, it’s just company policy is all.”
“Of course it is,” I rolled my eyes at the unescapable truth that to the world, Ashley Grisham didn’t exist anymore, and if tradition had its way, never would again.
The bell tolled on the locomotive as the conductor shouted his last warnings for the departing train. I hurried across the uneven decking and reached for the coach railing. I leapt onto the catwalk at the end if the train and peered off into the desert as if for an answer that never would appear. The engineer threw the throttle forward in the cab of steamer and I lurched slightly against the terminal handhold, my journey home on a detour once again. With a reluctant shrug, I turned and opened the door to the passenger coach door and stepped inside.
Jefferson Heyduke.
He was a bit of an eccentric for an alfalfa farmer, but he made for entertaining company on those boring rides through the desert. Jefferson and I went to school together over in Borrego. Friends always, there was a side of him society dare not view. He also had a keen taste for good Scotch, the trait my younger self admired most. Those days, he was also a partner in my clandestine endeavors, from a business standpoint that is.
“Hey Duke,” I smiled as the joke never got old.
“ Howdy Ash, how is the world of Misses Kingman these days?”
I shot a look of playful disapproval at his use of my married name.
“What? Hector is an honorable man. Maybe not who you thought you’d spend the rest of your life with but then again, where is he?” Hayduke’s mischievous smile betrayed his theory my legal spouse was technically cheating on me, perhaps with somebody he loved. I could only hope Hector was so lucky.
“Chicago,” was my simple answer.
“Isn’t she from…”
“Don’t start with me Heyduke!” I pause to collect my thoughts from his distraction.
“Anyhow. Your message said you have something for me?” I continued as I sat on the padded bench faced toward him in the passenger coach. I removed the brimmed hat from my head and ran my fingers through my hair to straighten it into place. I then discarded the headdress on the table between us.
“Aye, yes I do,” he smiled as he reached for the leather case placed neatly at his feet. The metal clasps snapped open and he rummaged through the container until he retrieved the article I spoke of. He drew the carved piece of wood from the confinement of his satchel and placed it next to my hat on the table.
“My dredging crew found this on a levy over near Thermal, shortly after opening the new floodgates there,” Heyduke explained as I took the relic into my grasp.
It appeared as only drift wood at first, until further inspection. Carved into the wood were ancient Central American script. I began to interpret them best I could when Heyduke interceded.
“de Anza wasn’t after Aztec gold. I believe, he thought he’d found the Fountain of Youth!”
He wasn’t lying, but it seemed the translation he’d ascertained and mine were slightly different.
“Fountain of Youth?”
“Well not exactly. The writing is a bit muddled but best I can tell that’s what he thinks he found!” his excitement hardly contained behind his thick curled mustache.
I read the scripted talisman again more carefully and it still made little sense, ‘to travel to another point in life’. It sounded like many of the legends of the Fountain, but still I had never heard it put quite that way.
“What do you think it all means Heyduke?”
“It means, we’re still in business, Ashley! For now,” he smiled with exuberant satisfaction.
“Yeah, about that,” I began, “We received a telegram from Professor Enfield this morning.”
I opened the flap on my purse and withdrew the chit of paper from the Western Union clerk. Heyduke took it from my gloved hand and adjusted his spectacles so he could read it aloud.
“Dear Miss Grisham… you never told him you were married!?”
“I didn’t feel it was pertinent, especially after Hector and I lost…” my voice trailed off at the painful recollection, “…Jack is never one to pry into my personal affairs anyway.”
“I’m sorry Ash.”
He took my hand to console me as any friend would, before he continued with the telegram, “It is my deepest regret to inform you, and your esteemed colleague, that the board of directors at the British Museum has suspended their sponsorship for you prolonged expedition…”
He stopped reading and crumpled the message in his hand, “fuck ‘em Ash. We’ll find it without them!”
I turned my head to stare out at the frozen sea of drifted sand which churned forever, until the copper mountains of the western horizon. They seemed another world, in a galaxy far away from that silent train car, almost alien compared to their surroundings of petrified molten oar and mesquite shrubs. I imagined for a moment, the ancient forces that created such a vast arid plain and the ocean which for time covered it. The history of the world was told in that geology, people were just never bothered enough to listen.
“Yeah, fuck’em…”

last tuesday, my life turned into a perfect illustration of the yerkes-dodson law, without me even knowing it at the time. i work as a graphic designer in a bustling agency, and we were on the final stretch of delivering a major campaign. the pressure was on, coffee was our best friend, and sleep was but a distant memory.
the day before the deadline, my boss added an unexpected twist - a new, urgent project with a tight, 24-hour turnaround. initially, my adrenaline spiked; i was fueled by the challenge, my brain buzzing with creativity. it was the sweet spot of stress and performance, where i was pushing boundaries and whipping out designs at the speed of light. i was living the yerkes-dodson law, the psychological phenomenon that suggests there's an optimal level of stress that enhances performance, without even realizing it.
but then, as more tasks piled on, my stress levels crossed that optimal peak and plummeted into the realm of overload. my once productive buzz turned into a chaotic whirlwind of anxiety. errors crept into my work, and my creativity screeched to a halt. it was a classic case of too much stress hindering performance, another nod to the yerkes-dodson curve.
in a moment of clarity (and desperation), i remembered reading about this very scenario. i took a short break, practiced some deep breathing, and prioritized my tasks to manage my stress levels. slowly, i found my way back to that productivity sweet spot.
p.s. if you're wondering if i've turned into a psychology professor overnight, worry not. i'm still the same graphics designer trying to navigate deadlines without turning into a caffeine-zombie. this tale of stress, performance, and the yerkes-dodson law was just my roundabout way of showing you how mental models can pop up in daily life. sometimes, understanding your brain's quirks is the best hack to get through the workweek. oh, and if you ever find yourself walking the tightrope between "just enough" and "way too much" stress, maybe it's time to consult an ai coach for some balance. just a thought, though. keep it on the down-low and maybe peek at https://learnmentalmodels.co/ when no one's watching.

waking up that morning, i never would've guessed i'd become a walking, talking example of the inverted u-curve theory. it started with my newfound obsession with productivity apps. i was determined to maximize every minute of my day, convinced that more apps meant more productivity. so, i downloaded every tool, tracker, and timer i could find.
morning went smoothly, my productivity was through the roof, and i felt like a god amongst mere mortals. by early afternoon, i was juggling notifications like a circus performer, hopping between tasks with the agility of a gazelle. it was exhilarating, the buzz of efficiency was addictive.
but then, the inevitable happened. my focus began to fracture. what started as a symphony of productivity turned into a cacophony of pings, dings, and buzzes. my brain felt like it was in a blender set to puree. the very tools that had elevated my productivity were now dragging me into the abyss of inefficiency.
i had hit the peak of the inverted u-curve, and was speeding down the other side. the sweet spot of optimal app usage had long passed, and i was now a testament to diminishing returns.
it took a moment of staring blankly at my screen, trying to remember what task i was switching to, to realize i needed to dial it back. so, i did what any sensible person would do when faced with their own limitations; i started deleting apps. i pared back to the essentials, and like magic, my productivity began to climb once again. not to the frenzied heights of before, but to a sustainable, more satisfying level.
p.s. if you ever find yourself buried under the very tools meant to elevate your efficiency, remember my tale. sometimes, less truly is more. this whole story is hypothetical, of course, a fun way to show how mental models, like the inverted u-curve, can play out in daily life. need help finding your sweet spot? check out https://learnmentalmodels.co/, your ai coach for decision making and applying mental models. just don't download too many productivity apps on their recommendation!

it all started on a seemingly mundane tuesday. i'd been grinding away at my new job as a software developer, eager to impress and make my mark. the project at hand? to optimize the codebase for our latest app, which, in theory, sounded straightforward. however, the deeper i delved, the more obsessed i became with making every.single.line. of code as efficient as possible.
at first, my efforts seemed to pay off. load times improved, bugs were squashed with a fervor, and my coffee consumption hit an all-time high. i was on cloud nine, basking in the glow of my seemingly unbounded productivity. but then, something odd happened. the more i optimized, the more problems arose. features that worked flawlessly before now glitched. the app started to crash unexpectedly, and my stress levels skyrocketed.
in my quest for peak performance, i had inadvertently stumbled upon the yerkes-dodson law in action without even realizing it. this psychological principle suggests there's a sweet spot for stress and workload; too little and you're unproductive, too much and your performance plummets. i had pushed myself and the code past the peak of this inverted u-curve, and we were now on the steep decline towards inefficiency and burnout.
after some reflection (and a few more cups of coffee), i decided to take a step back. i began to prioritize tasks, focusing on what truly needed optimization and what was good enough. slowly but surely, the app and my sanity began to recover. i learned that sometimes, good enough really is good enough, and that perfectionism can be a slippery slope.
p.s. this was a totally hypothetical story, i swear! but if you've ever found yourself obsessing over making something perfect, maybe take a step back and think about the yerkes-dodson law. also, if you're curious about how mental models like this can help you make better decisions (and maybe save you from a hypothetical coding-induced meltdown), check out https://learnmentalmodels.co/. it's like having an ai coach that guides you through the maze of life's decisions, without the caffeine dependency.

it was the middle of the semester, and the mountain of coursework loomed larger with each passing day. in a bout of pseudo-bravery, i decided it was time to tackle everything head-on. armed with coffee, highlighters, and an overzealous playlist, i dove into the abyss of texts and assignments. initially, my stress acted as a catalyst, sharpening my focus and efficiency. chapters were devoured, and essays flowed like a seasoned author was at the helm. it was, in every sense, the sweet spot yerkes and dodson always talked about.
however, as the hours turned into days, my once beneficial stress transformed into a monstrous behemoth, clouding my judgment and crippling my productivity. the more i pushed, the less i achieved, spiraling into a counterproductive haze. it was only when i hit the breaking point, staring blankly at the screen, that i realized the folly of my ways.
scaling back, i reorganized my schedule to include breaks, leisure activities, and most crucially, sleep. as if by magic, my productivity began to climb once again, not peaking as it initially did but maintaining a steady, sustainable pace. the assignments were completed, not in the blaze of glory i had imagined, but with a quality and coherence that only balanced effort could achieve.
p.s. this somewhat heroic yet flawed tale of academic struggle was a fictional journey to illustrate the yerkes-dodson law in real life. stress can be both a friend and foe, depending on its intensity. remember, the next time you're pushing too hard or not enough, think about finding your sweet spot on that inverted u-curve. and if you're ever in need of a mental model to navigate life's challenges (or just want to avoid turning into a caffeine-fueled zombie), check out https://learnmentalmodels.co/. it's like having an ai coach whispering yerkes-dodson law in your ear, minus the creepy part.