Percentage of miscarriage on clomid

"Recently, a Slate article came out about the parents who are seeking IVF—not because of fertility struggles or even genetic diseases, but strictly for the purpose of having a daughter instead of a son. Selfishly, as an IVF mom, I don’t love articles like these. The vast majority of people who choose IVF do it for infertility reasons, and a much smaller percentage to it to avoid serious familial diseases. The people doing IVF solely for gender selection (let alone absurd things like height or eye color- nearly impossible to do anyway) are few and far between, so rare in fact that articles like these almost seem like hate-bait, describing a rare phenomenon as if it’s a growing trend because almost everyone reading about it will disapprove. This is especially prescient with extreme right-wing disapproval of IVF. We’re dealing with that already, and now you’re gonna try to get everyone else on their side because you’ve painted IVF parents as vain, self-absorbed, baby-designers. Okay.
What is a common trend, however, is gender disappointment—a strong feeling of sadness or anxiety that happens when parents discover the sex of their child isn’t what they hoped. Technically it should be “Sex Disappointment,” not to be confused with how I’d describe losing my virginity.
Gender disappointment isn’t new. For most of human history, parents have wanted sons instead of daughters. During the one-child policy era in China, baby girls were aborted, killed after birth, abandoned, or adopted out. Other cultures around the world still practice infanticide, mostly targeted at baby girls. If we resurrected everyone who has ever lived, and told them that people in modern-day America often feel gender disappointment, they would naturally assume people were disappointed about having girls. But that’s not the case.
Modern-day gender disappointment is primarily an online phenomenon (mom groups, Reddit, etc.) because people don’t want to be judged. It’s not acceptable to want anything other than a “healthy baby.” In fact, when I was pregnant and I jokingly mentioned that I hoped our first born would have my husband’s beautiful eyes, a relative chided “all you should care about is that the baby is healthy.” Even a minor, innocuous preference for one gender is met with judgment—every mom must insist they don’t care. So naturally, online mom spaces are where moms go to voice their fears and sadness around gender disappointment. And 99% of the time, they’re disappointed to be having a boy.
The disappointment when popping a balloon filled with blue confetti or simply opening a Sneak Peak test at 8 weeks and discovering XY chromosomes can be boiled down to multiple things. Let’s start with the most simple and harmless reason. I think almost every parent has a slight preference toward having a child of the same sex as themselves, not because they find their own sex superior, but rather because one of the fun things about being a parent is getting to introduce your child to all your favorite things from childhood (and if you’re a feminine woman, there’s a lot of fun in dressing up your daughter—dressing up your son can be fun too, but the options for boy clothes aren’t as cute.) In 2024, we have to pay lip service to the idea that “of course my son might like dolls and my daughter might like monster trucks,” but I do think boys are generally, on average, more likely to gravitate toward some things and the same goes with girls. Even in my super-progressive circle, where everyone says they raise their kids gender-neutral, I’ve noticed that all the girls in my son’s class love the movie Frozen, even if they also like dinosuars, and almost all the boys in his class love superheroes, even if they also play with baby dolls.
When we found out we were having a boy, my husband was excited to introduce him to basketball, and when I found out I was having a girl, I got excited to gift her my old dollhouse which I designed with my mother over years of attending dollhouse trade shows and shopping at antique dollhouse stores. That doesn’t mean we’d love our children any less if they weren’t gender conforming, or that we wouldn’t adjust our plans if we turned out to have a son who loved dolls and a girl who loved basketball, just that it’s fairly reasonable to assume your average girl is going to get some enjoyment from a dollhouse, and your average boy will get some enjoyment from sports. They may not, and that’s okay too! But it’s reasonable to fantasize about it, as long as you aren’t strongly tied to that fantasy.
But maybe it’s deeper than a sadness about Carter’s only offering camo-pattern cargo shorts after age two, or about never getting to use Felicity the American Girl Doll’s pet lamb Posey again. I can’t help but notice that all the positive traits that used to be associated with boys are now considered gender neutral (strong, capable, intelligent, ambitious), while most of the positive traits that used to be associated with girls are still associated with girls (nurturing, empathetic, detail-oriented, polite). Meanwhile, boys have been assigned plenty of negative traits: they will embody “toxic masculinity.” They will be difficult. They won’t be kind. They’ll grow up to be obnoxious frat bros. They’ll be violent. Many of the women who express these concerns, paradoxically, are progressives who claim to believe that there are no innate differences between men and women. Perhaps they’re concerned that the negative traits associated with boys will emerge because of “society,” but to be honest, I’m not really buying it. I think they do believe in some differences, and there’s cognitive dissonance when belief in those differences collides with paying lip service to the idea that men and women are interchangeable and the insistence that all gender preferences are morally repugnant.
Perhaps, most terrifying even to women who don’t believe in the other gendered stereotypes: boys apparently won’t visit you when they’re older, provided they are heterosexual. They will become absorbed by their wives’ families, and pay more attention to their mother-in-laws than to you. “Boy moms” across social media post short videos joking about their fears of becoming “the paternal grandmother” or “the mother of the groom.”
My mother-in-law has two sons and I asked her if she ever wished she had a daughter. She emphatically said no, and I believed her, mostly because she’s not a big girly-girl herself, and she never felt overly sentimental about her kids being dependent on her. She happily worked when they were younger and valued her career, and notably, looked forward to her kids getting older and becoming more independent instead of looking misty-eyed at their old baby clothes. My guess is, women like this are not the ones expressing gender disappointment.
I didn’t think I was capable of gender disappointment. I did IVF and I knew before I even got pregnant that my first child was a boy. I happily decorated a boy nursery, bought boy clothes (I did have to get creative to avoid the onslaught of construction vehicles and dingy gray, but I managed!) and happily referred to myself as “Team Blue” on my mom group polls. But crucially, I planned on having more than one child. I knew we had a chance for a girl next. I knew I would love my kids the same, but on some level I think I’d have been disappointed if I knew having a daughter was completely off the table in the future.
Unfortunately, I got a mini-taste of that reality when I got pregnant again. My embryo was a girl, and I miscarried. It was early, but because I knew the sex, and had a name and nursery plan picked out, I reacted more strongly than one would expect for such an early loss.
While I never felt gender disappointment with my son, I did feel some during my miscarriage. Losing my pregnancy—even as early as it was—felt like losing the idea of a daughter. I had built up eighteen years of mother-daughter bonding in my head, and for the first time since our infertility diagnosis, I felt deep dread that I might never get to experience that. Yes, I would experience bonding with my son and perhaps another son, but unless one of them expressed extremely feminine interests, what if I never had many hobbies in common with them? What if my future was spent at soccer tournaments, wrestling matches, and Little League games, while my old dollhouse my mother and I designed together collected dust until it got auctioned off in my mom’s estate sale someday? I would still be happy—certainly much happier than if I never had children—but would I always carry a tiny nugget of sadness that I never got to do “girl things” with my kids?
Of course, I didn’t want to express that feeling because every time I did, people would insist that my kids might turn out to be trans or nonbinary (true! and I would accept them and love them!) or for all I knew, my son would grow up to love Barbies. It felt unhelpful. Of course, if my son loved Barbies, I would get him Barbies, but it seemed like an odd thing to place my hopes on. I did not want to find myself subconsciously pushing my son or sons into girl-coded activities with the hope of relinquishing some fragment of a mother-daughter dream I once had. That, to me, felt more toxic than the assumption that all boys like trucks and dinosaurs.
Another reason I didn’t want to express this feeling to anyone other than my closest family members was the inevitable guilt tripping—what about women who can’t have children? Why should I be so selfish as to care about gender when some women can’t conceive at all? This felt especially hurtful because I was one of those women! Well, technically we did IVF for male factor infertility, but we struggled nonetheless. This guilt-trip didn’t make me feel better about the prospect of never having a daughter, but it did make me feel worse about myself as a parent and a person overall. Many infertility moms (myself included) struggle with feeling like we don’t deserve our kids, and that we certainly don’t deserve to ever complain or experience anything other than gratitude. So anyway: not helpful!
I did wind up having a daughter next, and unsurprisingly, gender had no bearing on my bonding with my kids. I truly love them equally, and would continue to feel that way regardless of how much they adhered to gender roles. And I promise I’m not just saying that!
There’s no real fix here, because this type of gender disappointment is largely tied in with the progressive ideals of gender equality, while holding onto some benevolent sexism. If boys are no longer important for the purpose of continuing the family lineage, serving as capable family farm workers, being the heirs to family businesses or being responsible for providing, then what’s special about them? While we extoll the virtues of girls on a regular basis, we’re afraid to do the same with boys, just in case we fall back on harmful antiquated stereotypes. And even as a card-carrying liberal, I think this creates a pretty toxic dynamic. You don’t have to be a Tucker Carlson viewer to admit something bad is happening with boys, who often don’t feel like there is anything just for them, while there are multiple things just for girls. A six-year-old boy isn’t going to “check his privilege” and acknowledge he benefits from a legacy of male privilege so it’s the girls’ turn.
That’s not to say that we are living in some kind of matriarchy, or that men are oppressed in some kind of systemic way. Just that, at least during childhood, we talk about what’s great about girls but are afraid to talk about what’s great about boys, while paradoxically, insisting there are no differences between girls and boys. And as the mom of a boy: boys are pretty great too!
I think most moms who never have daughters, even those who were initially upset about it, turn out fine. Most of the posts I see about gender disappointment are met with a multitude of comments saying “I felt the same way, and now I can’t imagine ever feeling that way again, because my son is awesome.” I believe them. A hypothetical baby isn’t the same as a real baby, and often the love for a real baby will vanquish any previous feelings of gender disappointment. I know many women who initially felt gender disappointment during a pregnancy but none who fail to bond with their sons. So all things considered, this is a temporary state. But it’s causing distress even if not permanent distress, and that’s bad for everyone."

"Recently, a Slate article came out about the parents who are seeking IVF—not because of fertility struggles or even genetic diseases, but strictly for the purpose of having a daughter instead of a son. Selfishly, as an IVF mom, I don’t love articles like these. The vast majority of people who choose IVF do it for infertility reasons, and a much smaller percentage to it to avoid serious familial diseases. The people doing IVF solely for gender selection (let alone absurd things like height or eye color- nearly impossible to do anyway) are few and far between, so rare in fact that articles like these almost seem like hate-bait, describing a rare phenomenon as if it’s a growing trend because almost everyone reading about it will disapprove. This is especially prescient with extreme right-wing disapproval of IVF. We’re dealing with that already, and now you’re gonna try to get everyone else on their side because you’ve painted IVF parents as vain, self-absorbed, baby-designers. Okay.
What is a common trend, however, is gender disappointment—a strong feeling of sadness or anxiety that happens when parents discover the sex of their child isn’t what they hoped. Technically it should be “Sex Disappointment,” not to be confused with how I’d describe losing my virginity.
Gender disappointment isn’t new. For most of human history, parents have wanted sons instead of daughters. During the one-child policy era in China, baby girls were aborted, killed after birth, abandoned, or adopted out. Other cultures around the world still practice infanticide, mostly targeted at baby girls. If we resurrected everyone who has ever lived, and told them that people in modern-day America often feel gender disappointment, they would naturally assume people were disappointed about having girls. But that’s not the case.
Modern-day gender disappointment is primarily an online phenomenon (mom groups, Reddit, etc.) because people don’t want to be judged. It’s not acceptable to want anything other than a “healthy baby.” In fact, when I was pregnant and I jokingly mentioned that I hoped our first born would have my husband’s beautiful eyes, a relative chided “all you should care about is that the baby is healthy.” Even a minor, innocuous preference for one gender is met with judgment—every mom must insist they don’t care. So naturally, online mom spaces are where moms go to voice their fears and sadness around gender disappointment. And 99% of the time, they’re disappointed to be having a boy.
The disappointment when popping a balloon filled with blue confetti or simply opening a Sneak Peak test at 8 weeks and discovering XY chromosomes can be boiled down to multiple things. Let’s start with the most simple and harmless reason. I think almost every parent has a slight preference toward having a child of the same sex as themselves, not because they find their own sex superior, but rather because one of the fun things about being a parent is getting to introduce your child to all your favorite things from childhood (and if you’re a feminine woman, there’s a lot of fun in dressing up your daughter—dressing up your son can be fun too, but the options for boy clothes aren’t as cute.) In 2024, we have to pay lip service to the idea that “of course my son might like dolls and my daughter might like monster trucks,” but I do think boys are generally, on average, more likely to gravitate toward some things and the same goes with girls. Even in my super-progressive circle, where everyone says they raise their kids gender-neutral, I’ve noticed that all the girls in my son’s class love the movie Frozen, even if they also like dinosuars, and almost all the boys in his class love superheroes, even if they also play with baby dolls.
When we found out we were having a boy, my husband was excited to introduce him to basketball, and when I found out I was having a girl, I got excited to gift her my old dollhouse which I designed with my mother over years of attending dollhouse trade shows and shopping at antique dollhouse stores. That doesn’t mean we’d love our children any less if they weren’t gender conforming, or that we wouldn’t adjust our plans if we turned out to have a son who loved dolls and a girl who loved basketball, just that it’s fairly reasonable to assume your average girl is going to get some enjoyment from a dollhouse, and your average boy will get some enjoyment from sports. They may not, and that’s okay too! But it’s reasonable to fantasize about it, as long as you aren’t strongly tied to that fantasy.
But maybe it’s deeper than a sadness about Carter’s only offering camo-pattern cargo shorts after age two, or about never getting to use Felicity the American Girl Doll’s pet lamb Posey again. I can’t help but notice that all the positive traits that used to be associated with boys are now considered gender neutral (strong, capable, intelligent, ambitious), while most of the positive traits that used to be associated with girls are still associated with girls (nurturing, empathetic, detail-oriented, polite). Meanwhile, boys have been assigned plenty of negative traits: they will embody “toxic masculinity.” They will be difficult. They won’t be kind. They’ll grow up to be obnoxious frat bros. They’ll be violent. Many of the women who express these concerns, paradoxically, are progressives who claim to believe that there are no innate differences between men and women. Perhaps they’re concerned that the negative traits associated with boys will emerge because of “society,” but to be honest, I’m not really buying it. I think they do believe in some differences, and there’s cognitive dissonance when belief in those differences collides with paying lip service to the idea that men and women are interchangeable and the insistence that all gender preferences are morally repugnant.
Perhaps, most terrifying even to women who don’t believe in the other gendered stereotypes: boys apparently won’t visit you when they’re older, provided they are heterosexual. They will become absorbed by their wives’ families, and pay more attention to their mother-in-laws than to you. “Boy moms” across social media post short videos joking about their fears of becoming “the paternal grandmother” or “the mother of the groom.”
My mother-in-law has two sons and I asked her if she ever wished she had a daughter. She emphatically said no, and I believed her, mostly because she’s not a big girly-girl herself, and she never felt overly sentimental about her kids being dependent on her. She happily worked when they were younger and valued her career, and notably, looked forward to her kids getting older and becoming more independent instead of looking misty-eyed at their old baby clothes. My guess is, women like this are not the ones expressing gender disappointment.
I didn’t think I was capable of gender disappointment. I did IVF and I knew before I even got pregnant that my first child was a boy. I happily decorated a boy nursery, bought boy clothes (I did have to get creative to avoid the onslaught of construction vehicles and dingy gray, but I managed!) and happily referred to myself as “Team Blue” on my mom group polls. But crucially, I planned on having more than one child. I knew we had a chance for a girl next. I knew I would love my kids the same, but on some level I think I’d have been disappointed if I knew having a daughter was completely off the table in the future.
Unfortunately, I got a mini-taste of that reality when I got pregnant again. My embryo was a girl, and I miscarried. It was early, but because I knew the sex, and had a name and nursery plan picked out, I reacted more strongly than one would expect for such an early loss.
While I never felt gender disappointment with my son, I did feel some during my miscarriage. Losing my pregnancy—even as early as it was—felt like losing the idea of a daughter. I had built up eighteen years of mother-daughter bonding in my head, and for the first time since our infertility diagnosis, I felt deep dread that I might never get to experience that. Yes, I would experience bonding with my son and perhaps another son, but unless one of them expressed extremely feminine interests, what if I never had many hobbies in common with them? What if my future was spent at soccer tournaments, wrestling matches, and Little League games, while my old dollhouse my mother and I designed together collected dust until it got auctioned off in my mom’s estate sale someday? I would still be happy—certainly much happier than if I never had children—but would I always carry a tiny nugget of sadness that I never got to do “girl things” with my kids?
Of course, I didn’t want to express that feeling because every time I did, people would insist that my kids might turn out to be trans or nonbinary (true! and I would accept them and love them!) or for all I knew, my son would grow up to love Barbies. It felt unhelpful. Of course, if my son loved Barbies, I would get him Barbies, but it seemed like an odd thing to place my hopes on. I did not want to find myself subconsciously pushing my son or sons into girl-coded activities with the hope of relinquishing some fragment of a mother-daughter dream I once had. That, to me, felt more toxic than the assumption that all boys like trucks and dinosaurs.
Another reason I didn’t want to express this feeling to anyone other than my closest family members was the inevitable guilt tripping—what about women who can’t have children? Why should I be so selfish as to care about gender when some women can’t conceive at all? This felt especially hurtful because I was one of those women! Well, technically we did IVF for male factor infertility, but we struggled nonetheless. This guilt-trip didn’t make me feel better about the prospect of never having a daughter, but it did make me feel worse about myself as a parent and a person overall. Many infertility moms (myself included) struggle with feeling like we don’t deserve our kids, and that we certainly don’t deserve to ever complain or experience anything other than gratitude. So anyway: not helpful!
I did wind up having a daughter next, and unsurprisingly, gender had no bearing on my bonding with my kids. I truly love them equally, and would continue to feel that way regardless of how much they adhered to gender roles. And I promise I’m not just saying that!
There’s no real fix here, because this type of gender disappointment is largely tied in with the progressive ideals of gender equality, while holding onto some benevolent sexism. If boys are no longer important for the purpose of continuing the family lineage, serving as capable family farm workers, being the heirs to family businesses or being responsible for providing, then what’s special about them? While we extoll the virtues of girls on a regular basis, we’re afraid to do the same with boys, just in case we fall back on harmful antiquated stereotypes. And even as a card-carrying liberal, I think this creates a pretty toxic dynamic. You don’t have to be a Tucker Carlson viewer to admit something bad is happening with boys, who often don’t feel like there is anything just for them, while there are multiple things just for girls. A six-year-old boy isn’t going to “check his privilege” and acknowledge he benefits from a legacy of male privilege so it’s the girls’ turn.
That’s not to say that we are living in some kind of matriarchy, or that men are oppressed in some kind of systemic way. Just that, at least during childhood, we talk about what’s great about girls but are afraid to talk about what’s great about boys, while paradoxically, insisting there are no differences between girls and boys. And as the mom of a boy: boys are pretty great too!
I think most moms who never have daughters, even those who were initially upset about it, turn out fine. Most of the posts I see about gender disappointment are met with a multitude of comments saying “I felt the same way, and now I can’t imagine ever feeling that way again, because my son is awesome.” I believe them. A hypothetical baby isn’t the same as a real baby, and often the love for a real baby will vanquish any previous feelings of gender disappointment. I know many women who initially felt gender disappointment during a pregnancy but none who fail to bond with their sons. So all things considered, this is a temporary state. But it’s causing distress even if not permanent distress, and that’s bad for everyone."

Does anyone else have a history of Partial Molar Pregnancy with Triploidy and gone on to have another pregnancy with a high risk NIPT result?
I am currently age 35 and 11 weeks 3 days pregnant. I have no living children. I have been pregnant 6 times.
I have seen that the Natera NIPT test has sometimes given false positive/negatives due to fetal fraction percentages, but I’m not sure if my history of triploidy comes into play. Has anyone had a history of this, had a similar Natera NIPT result and gone on to have a healthy baby?
Natera NIPT results say high risk due to fetal dna fraction 2.2%. 1/17 for Triploidy, Trisomy 18 and Trisomy 13.
This is my full history: 1 2009: Age 20. Miscarriage 8wks
2 2019/2020: Age 30. Triploidy/Partial Molar - Girl 20wks. Natera NIPT was inconclusive and the baby formed perfectly. CVS then DNC. Because of GTD I had to wait 6 months to try again.
3 2020: Age 31. Miscarriage 5wks
4 2021: Age 32. Triploidy/Partial Molar - Girl 18wks. I did not do the NIPT this time because how could this happen again? I was wrong. CVS then DNC. Because of GTD I had to wait 6 months to try again.
5 2021: Age 33. Miscarriage. 6 weeks
6 2024 Current Pregnancy: Age 35. Currently 11 weeks 3 days.
*2022-2024 I tried IVF unsuccessfully. I did two egg retrievals to get 2 embryos that we froze and PGT-A tested and both were healthy. I transferred the Boy embryo and that failed. I transferred the Girl embryo and that also failed. Due to financial reasons I couldn’t keep doing IVF but did 4 rounds of IUI and they all failed.
My currently pregnancy was conceived naturally and I am due 11/12/24.
I have my NT scheduled for 5/2/24.