I want to drive my man crazy with dirty text

Political Compass Memes

2017.01.22 00:23 donotblockthebox Political Compass Memes

Political Compass Memes
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2017.10.01 20:52 RelaNarkin Where wishes are dismantled.

Do you ever wish for things without thinking through them first? Do you ever struggle with finding the downsides of your hopes and dreams? Well, whatever the case may be TheMonkeysPaw is at your service!
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2018.12.18 23:57 DivanteScrollsReddit Spider-Man Into The Spider-Memes

Welcome to spiderversedailymemes! Here you can post anything Spider-Man related. Discuss or make memes about the films, shows, comics, etc. What are you waiting for, Chinese New Year? Go, go, go!
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2024.05.19 13:50 ThrowRa199307 I'm struggling

I can't anymore, I just wanna crawl to a hole and die
It's been 3 months. I thought I was healing. I hit the gym, went back to swimming, made new friends through RPG and playing Magic tcg.
And yet , she's still on my mind. Why has she added that Portuguese guy on Facebook? Why is she going to an event in December she never went with me when we were together?
I keep having dark thoughts about her. Like I wish she just died and I won't have to think about her anymore.
Any attempt I make with girls ends up a failure while my female friend manages to line up hookups like chickens to the slaughterhouse.
I have to be in contact with my ex for the house isn't sold yet, but living at my parents drives me crazy. Except I'm in a shit situation with a job I want to quit, hell, I even got condemned by the Law for what I've done.
A mutual friend told me she hadn't mentioned a guy in the picture in their conversations. And I can't get myself any dates, the only girl I went on two dates with told me she wasn't ready for a relationship and I haven't been a date since March. I feel so ugly and undesired. Every girl I see, I try not to think about them sexually but I'm starving for affection and attention
I drink alcohol everyday, except when I play cards because I wanna stay focused.
I keep having dreams about her, I just... Can't...
I'm 30 years old and I'm a child once more. I can't bear this life, the lies she fed me.
I can't wish her happiness, I only wish her the worst to happen. I just can't be normal
submitted by ThrowRa199307 to ExNoContact [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 13:49 Useful-Dog-2780 The making of Cain

That was the first time I felt it in me. It suddenly made sense to my mind, and my soul was not torn over it. There was no apprehension in my heart.
My stepfather was not a nice person. Ever since my mom left I have been stuck taking care of him and my little brother. I absolutely loved my little brother, but I did not love my stepdad.
He wasn't a monster all the time, a lot of days while I was scrubbing floors and toilets, doing beds and laundry, washing dishes and cooking food, all was well for him.
But sometimes I felt like he needed his fix. And his fix was not alcohol, or cigarettes, or any other regular addictions. His nasty habit was anger. He needed to humiliate and scream and trash perfectly good food, rip the sheets off freshly made beds, throw neatly folded laundry on the floor. Because they weren't good enough, because a lot of the times everything I did needed to not be good enough. Most of the times I cry, and I feel the pressure in my chest and the knots in my stomach and I just... fix it, alone, that's how I've always done it, that's how it felt like it needed to be done.
And I would dry my tears and sooth my heart and act like it never even happened, it never affected me, and everything will be well again, for a while.
But today I felt differently for the first time; I've always been obsessed with killers, I've always stayed up late watching true crime videos or reading books and biographies of horrible murders, horrid crimes. And my obsession was not nefarious, it was not because I had a monster inside of me that I was feeding with these stories, I did not have troubled thoughts of blood and dismemberment and torture. Rather, it fascinated me because I didn't understand it, I didn't know what could make a man kill, derive pleasure from it, or be desperate enough to feel like the only path for them is murder.
Until I did. And worst of all, it didn't scare me, it didn't make me repulsed with myself, there was no reasonable voice telling me this is crazy talk, these were not intrusive thoughts.
After his latest episode, the only words in my mind, in my ears, echoing through my body were "I'm either going to kill him or kill myself".
And standing here in the dark kitchen, the smell of the food I cooked today still lingering from the garbage can, his venomous words still lingering in my mind, the large knife clutched in my fist, I have to remember all the times I have wanted to kill myself and didn't. Poison, drown and maim myself. And I didn't. I've resisted those urges so many times before that chasing them away from my brain is just my nasty habit now. The urge to kill is new, however, fresh in my mind, pulling at my skin and limbs, and I don't think he's left me with enough of my sanity to resist this too.
submitted by Useful-Dog-2780 to shortscarystories [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 13:48 Fantastic_One_3729 How does this man sleep with lots of women?

So I work with this man who is 22 and he claims to have slept with 12 women but I honestly dont understand how. Hes about 5ft 6, chubby, has a fucked up leg, has bad teeth but yet every weekend he is always talking about girls giving him blowjobs or him seeing women.
Meanwhile im 25 years of age, 6ft, athletic, very into my appearance but yet I've only ever been with one woman which is my GF although my GF has also only ever been with one man which is me (we both lost our virginities together).
I suppose im more introverted than him and I dont really go out much while he goes out nearly every night but still, these women must sleep with him just cause of the attention he gives them or money (because his father is rich apparently). Although it just shows you how trashy and easy a lot of women are, I even showed my GF a picture of him and even she cant understand how he manages to pull women lol.
By the way im not jealous in fact im the one winning out here really because my GF was a virgin when we met, has a lovely figure, a natural beauty, doesnt use social media or hardly uses her phone, a talanted cook/bake, says that she wants lots of kids and has a high sex drive. I also eat her out on a regular and have made her squirt. It felt so special us losing it together (we both waited 9 months)
So im not jealous of any man although I just dont understand how this man can pull women lol. I thought lots of women are not into sleeping around and were picky like they wouldnt sleep with a short man
submitted by Fantastic_One_3729 to Advice [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 13:46 Fantastic_One_3729 How does this man sleep with lots of women

So I work with this man who is 22 and he claims to have slept with 12 women but I honestly dont understand how. Hes about 5ft 6, chubby, has a fucked up leg, has bad teeth but yet every weekend he is always talking about girls giving him blowjobs or him seeing women.
Meanwhile im 25 years of age, 6ft, athletic, very into my appearance but yet I've only ever been with one woman which is my GF although my GF has also only ever been with one man which is me (we both lost our virginities together).
I suppose im more introverted than him and I dont really go out much while he goes out nearly every night but still, these women must sleep with him just cause of the attention he gives them or money (because his father is rich apparently). Although it just shows you how trashy and easy a lot of women are, I even showed my GF a picture of him and even she cant understand how he manages to pull women lol.
By the way im not jealous in fact im the one winning out here really because my GF was a virgin when we met, has a lovely figure, a natural beauty, doesnt use social media or hardly uses her phone, a talanted cook/bake, says that she wants lots of kids and has a high sex drive. I also eat her out on a regular and have made her squirt. It felt so special us losing it together (we both waited 9 months) and right now we are starting to explore sexually with each other like with kinks or BDSM
So im not jealous of any man although I just dont understand how this man can pull women lol
submitted by Fantastic_One_3729 to confessions [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 13:42 WatermanAus 19/05/24 Being a big kid again

One thing my therapist said really stuck out to me - the best form of therapy for me is to play like a little kid again. Someone on the CPTSD sub told me the same thing, that they found healing by just going wild with playtime.
So far I've added regular play time at a local park after dark, bought a plush cat, remote control car, pencils and crayons, started playing UNO and Monopoly card games with my family. I kinda feel like I'm being a big kid every time I get into my car because its the type I always loved as a kid - big, loud and fast.
I took this Friday off from work and decided to make a kids day of it just for me. Roller skating is something I loved to do as a kid, so I found the closest skating rink and made the drive down. I felt a bit nervous going in - hmm, should a man in his 40's really be doing this? Screw it, I thought, and I walked up to the counter. I paid for use of the rink and skate hire. The woman at the counter was really nice about it and instructed me it's a lot like riding a bike, you never forget. Since most people are at school or work during the day, I had the rink to myself. She asked what type of music I wanted and I said 90's music - I thought it appropriate since most of my adolescence and teen years were during the 90s.
At first it felt awkward as I awkwardly crept around the rink holding onto the sides. After awhile I gained confidence and the skill to glide, circling at pace and feeling the cool air against my skin while the music and action took me back in time. It felt liberating to see and feel what I felt back then through the prism of an older and wiser head.
After that, I was a little exhausted. I'm used to exercise but not of that type. My body hurt in ways it doesn't usually! My day was just getting started though, and I decided part 2 of my day out involved bowling. Being a big kid, I felt confident I could knock a few pins over! My first effort went straight into the gutter, then the next 4 all shared the same fate. Hmm, how do I do this again? I laughed it off, even just enjoying the freedom to fail. After 5 gutter balls in a row, I finally scored - 3 pins went down! I eventually scored 68 for the first game and 111 for my second.
Pizza time for lunch. I stopped off for takeaway and bought a cheese crust pizza, took it home and nearly finished it all.
Once home, I asked my adult daughter if she wanted to watch a movie with me. She can be a big kid at times too! We bought chips, drinks, popcorn, donuts, and muffins then ventured into the cinema to watch IFS, a movie about childhood imaginary friends. It was a great movie with a good message.
What a great way to spend my Friday. I had so much fun.
submitted by WatermanAus to TheBigGirlDiary [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 13:41 Shaiasaur I really need some reassurance about wet/kibble, diet change, etc

Hello! First and foremast, I sent an email to my veterinarian last night to get her advice too but I’m just curious about others opinion. I know I stepped into a dangerous realm regarding asking strangers on the internet. 😂
Whoever doesn’t have anxiety is so lucky. I absolutely hate how much it makes me overthink even with reassurance. 😩 my brain won’t shut up!
I just want the best for my kitties. My soul cat passed April 2023 from CHF after receiving a steroid shot and now I’m spiraling on what’s best for my babies; especially diet. I hate how easily persuaded I get because I feel as if I’ve been brainwashed by thinking that if they get a fraction of kibble their life expectancy is going to go downhill drastically and I need to do everything in my power to ensure they get a wet food diet. It doesn’t help because so many people who promote all wet/raw diets have a bone to pick with vets because vets still push kibble despite the patients proclaiming they have the knowledge that states cats shouldn’t eat a sliver of dry food. I think even Jackson Galaxy promotes no kibble too. I was never this way until Peach passed away. Maybe it’s a blessing in disguise?
From what I read, Kibble doesn’t have as much moisture content as wet food, and kibble is loaded on carbs when cats are carnivores and don’t require much of them out in the wild. I suppose they get most of their moisture from their kill. The loaded carbs can lead to high blood sugar too and perhaps Urinary issues, etc. (please correct me if I’m wrong, I don’t have the degree, I’m just a gullible girl who thinks the science behind it is right 😆 ) Just the thought of them eating meat cereal for the rest of their days just makes me feel sick to my stomach for them.
I’m trying to get my x5 cats out of kibble and only wet food. During this process two of my babies are being the most finicky. I know they’re not getting all of their calories due to this and I’m petrified they’ll get sick, like hepatic lipidosis sick. My vet mentioned it usually happens when they don’t eat anything at all for a certain amount of time and happens mostly to larger cats (one of them is 12 pounds and is 1 year old so I’m worried for her), but what if they don’t eat all of their recommended calorie intake, can it still happen? Even if I put kibble by their wet food or just a bowl of dry by them they sometimes still want nothing to do with both and maybe eat a few tiny bites then walk away.
Is it truly all that bad to give them kibble? There’s someone on TikTok (I know, don’t trust strangers on the internet, but their information just makes sense to me) who advocates for feline nutrition with works cited information and try’s to promote a healthier lifestyle for cats… but I just can’t afford all of the wet food and making sure their calories are good. (Here is the cited information if you’re curious) https://docs.google.com/document/d/18we2uu061yXPZzXTgom0uU_ZN8WOlqKE2AgOHi1kexM/mobilebasic
It would cost me over $350 a month to ensure all 5 cats got the right food.
So, the questions begs… *If you were in my shoes, how would you calm yourself down with these endless thoughts of wanting to do the best for your cat and thinking kibble is a death sentence? Would you still do the feeding schedule, x4 a day like me? My vet also mentioned sprinkling kibble on top of the food but what other ratios do you recommend to do half kibble half wet food x4 a day? Free feeding isn’t the best, especially if I have to watch their calorie intake like my 12 pound girl who needs to lose weight. If there’s any other advice or words of reassurance I’m all ears. *
If it paints you a picture in your head to see just how crazy this is making me, I compiled my own list to help me determine food ratios and calories intake to see what will work without breaking my bank and so far everything still is super pricy no matter how much I try to play with it. I’m driving myself mad and sick lol. 😂
submitted by Shaiasaur to catfood [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 13:39 ThrowRA_hqpoy How to handle living in partners (35M) home town that I (30F)dislike and far away from mine?

Me and my partner have been together for a little over a year now. We met in his home town where he has lived a majority of his life and where I had been living for 7 years before meeting him (for studies and work). He has all of his family here and we both have jobs nearby. During the time we have been together we have been staying here, and it’s been convenient for both of us because it’s close to our jobs. We have been talking a lot about where we would like to live in the future and he always said he never wants to move to my home town because he doesn’t like it there (although he’s only been there one time).
I am struggling a lot with being away from family and friends, it’s really hard for me to meet new friends and all my close friends still live in my home town. When I am there I always meet my people regularly meanwhile when I am home I barely meet anyone else other than him because I don’t know anyone else other than him. It makes me feel very lonely and disconnected and honestly depressed and not like me at all.
We have argued about this so many times and I don’t really know how to handle this. He says it’s unfair of me to ask him to move since we met in his home town and it’s not like he was pushing me to move here. He makes it fully clear that he doesn’t want to move. I don’t think I can live with the thought of never getting to live in my home town again. Last time I was there it really struck me how that place is my safe haven and got me so sad and it felt like I was losing some part of me. At the same time I don’t want to take something away from him and I do really love him and want to spend the rest of my life with him. Just not where we live today. When I think about it I understand that we are incompatible because of it but I don’t want to break up.
Has anyone been in a similar situation and how did you handle this? Or any advice at all. I don’t want to lose him but it’s constantly nagging in my head everyday and it has a negative impact on my life. I am worried and the thought of being away consumes me everyday.
TL;DR: my partner and I have been together for over a year. He is the love of my life. We live in his home town but I miss mine and family and friends. It drives me crazy being far apart and he doesn’t ever want to move there.
submitted by ThrowRA_hqpoy to relationships [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 13:34 ThrowRa199307 Still fuming

I can't anymore, I just wanna crawl to a hole and die
It's been 3 months. I thought I was healing. I hit the gym, went back to swimming, made new friends through RPG and playing Magic tcg.
And yet , she's still on my mind. Why has she added that Portuguese guy on Facebook? Why is she going to an event in December she never went with me when we were together?
I keep having dark thoughts about her. Like I wish she just died and I won't have to think about her anymore.
Any attempt I make with girls ends up a failure while my female friend manages to line up hookups like chickens to the slaughterhouse.
I have to be in contact with my ex for the house isn't sold yet, but living at my parents drives me crazy. Except I'm in a shit situation with a job I want to quit, hell, I even got condemned by the Law for what I've done.
She doesn't post much on social media and a mutual friend told she hadn't mentioned a new guy in the picture. I'm still too obsessed with her, how come other people who broke up with their partner manage to find new people to hook up with ? I feel so ugly and uninteresting now ..
I'm 30 years old and I'm a child once more living at my parents. I can't bear this life, the lies she fed me.
I can't wish her happiness, I only wish her the worst to happen. I just can't be normal
submitted by ThrowRa199307 to BreakUps [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 13:30 osdanova Need help understanding SF products

I've been working with Salesforce for multiple years yet I still don't understand how their products work. Let me share what my understanding is first:
And so my questions are as follows:
  1. How do I know which features are shared and what features are product-specific? Eg: I know the core/platform has some Einstein features like the search but I do not know to what extent. I also know that Cases are Service specific, but I feel like there should be a list somewhere where it says what everything gives access to and I just can't find it.
  2. Are these the products available to start with? So if I only wanted Health I would buy Platform and then Health licenses on top of that?
  3. If I was a company willing to purchase a Salesforce product (Eg: Sales), how would the process look like? From first contact to having an org with licenses. No need for specific data or pricing, just the overall process. Would I ask for a certain amount of licenses for product X for the edition Y? How would I request more features (Eg: Service)? Would I just ask for licenses for that org?
  4. How do licenses work? In my Trailhead org I have "Salesforce", "Salesforce Platform", "PartneCustomer Community". Where do all of these come from? Does each product have a bunch of default licenses? How do I know based on these what products my org has purchased?
  5. Is Health Cloud just a pre-made package that I could just make myself if I wanted? (Eg: As opposed to Service Cloud features)
I've been looking for information for so long and it's been such a pain trying to understand SF's structure, it's all so convoluted and information is spread and lacks detail, it drives me crazy. Please if you can answer any of the questions or correct my assumptions please do so (Either by explaining yourself or linking to external sources). Thank you.
submitted by osdanova to salesforce [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 13:30 LanesGrandma I think he can BE the door.

I started work at ShawbRyt a week ago and am already Team Lead for Night Collections, the first female Team Lead for this district. Name’s Charley. Wish I could say what we collect for but I don’t care so I never asked. All I know is, my team only accepts cash. No debit, no credit, no cheques, no body parts, just paper cash issued by our government. And we get a lot of it, every day, brought in by muscular people who I think got it from other people. That’s all I know. But that amount of cash means someone from the team has to make a bank deposit at the end of every shift.
Today (well, tonight really, since it’s night shift) the district manager told me to take Kedgewick with me when I go to the bank. That way I wouldn’t be the only one on the Team that knows how to make the deposit and so that I’m not going alone. That isn’t him being sexist. The previous Team Lead was a guy and he disappeared while doing a night deposit so I guess it’s good for business. Even if it isn’t good for business, I don’t care. Not my business.
Kedge is new, he’s only been with us two days. He’s a jeans, T-shirt and blazer kinda guy. Brand name athletic shoes; today’s were red. No tie. Blond hair, slightly messy, no beard or mustache or earring. Always somewhat nervous and a lot annoying but I get paid to do what I’m told, not to ask questions.
At the appointed time, which I’m not going to say for security reasons, I tapped Kedge on the shoulder of his irritatingly clean white T-shirt. The kid jumped like I’d shoved a gun in his face.
“Deposit time,” I whispered.
He looked at me like I was kidnapping him.
I pointed to the gray blazer on the back of his chair. “We gotta go.”
He kept staring at me while he put on his jacket.
Once outside, I pointed to the bank, two blocks away. “Ever made a night deposit?”
He kept staring. I realized he might think I was propositioning him.
I held the deposit slip in front of his face to make sure he saw it. “See this? There’s 1,000 fives, 400 tens, 500 twenties, 120 fifties and 50 hundreds in the pouch. Thirty grand. Just like the total. Sign here.” I handed him a pen, hoping he knew how to use it and turned so he could use my back as a table. I kept a tight grip on the deposit pouch until he was done, then opened the pouch so he could put the slip inside.
He hesitated before releasing the paper. “We don’t keep a copy?”
“Got one in the office.” I grabbed the paper, jammed it into the pouch then sealed it shut. “We gotta go.”
He mostly kept up with me on the way to the bank. I slowed down as we approached and handed the pouch to him. “The night deposit box is inside those doors on the left. The door opens when you put this card,” I gave him my deposit card, “into the slot on the left of the door, see it? Then pull the deposit box handle, throw this in, slam it shut and come out. Any questions?”
He shook his head, looking about as confused as when I told him to put on his jacket. But he did head towards the door so I stood on the corner, wondering how long it would take for the guy already in the bank to finish and get out of Kedge’s way. The guy in the bank was hard to miss. He was wearing white jeans and a white jacket with a white cowboy hat. I started humming a Bee Gees' tune.
I stopped humming when movement a couple of yards up the street caught my attention. A man dressed in black walked out from behind a streetlight pole. I say behind, but it was more like he was the streetlight pole, because once he started walking, there was no more light, no more pole. I know it was dark but how was the pole there one second and gone the next?
That’s a good example of why I’m better off sticking to following orders, not asking questions. In the time it took me to wonder about the pole, the man walked up to the guy coming out of the bank and shot him twice through the head and twice thru the chest.
I couldn’t breathe or move. I watched in horror as the man grabbed the dead body by the shoulders. At the first touch, the man in black's wardrobe changed to white jeans and jacket. He even had a white cowboy hat. All without removing the dead guy's clothes. He threw the original man in white into the back parking lot's dumpster without so much as a grunt.
Kedge’s very loud running commentary snapped me back into action. "Did you see that? He killed that guy! Did you see that? He threw that guy away! Did you see that? He is that guy now!"
The man in black, now the man in white, might lack fashion sense but he had street smarts. He whipped around and stared at Kedge who then screamed, "He's looking at me! What should I do? Charley!"
At least I think that’s what Kedge was yelling. As soon as I saw the murderer pointing his gun at us, I ran towards the building across the street. Before Kedge finished yelling, I jumped over the fence to that building's parking lot. Once there, I looked back and saw Kedge following me, aiming a gun right at me. A bullet flew past me, grazing my arm. It hurt like the last time I got shot, and I dropped the damn deposit pouch.
I took a sharp right and zigzagged my way up the street behind buildings to the nearest main road. At some point, Kedge stopped following me which made things worse. The more I ran, the more my fear ramped up. It didn’t feel right, seeing a man commit murder, then Kedge trying to kill me and then they both disappear? Not right at all.
It was so wrong, I stopped running at the intersection of Gardiner Drive and Hornpot Lane. The light facing me was red and, well, my lungs, arm and legs were aching. My arm wasn't bleeding but it felt like it was on fire. I took a second to look at it and noticed something moving in the forsythia bush down the street, close enough to see under the street lights along Gardiner.
It was Kedge. He had the gun. He shot at me as he tripped and fell out of the bush.
My legs started pumping and everything around me became a blur. I was in the elevator in my apartment building before I noticed anything else and by then I was gasping for breath.
Kedge missed me, I'm not sure how. Every creak the elevator made sounded like a gunshot to me, all the way to the third floor. My hands shook so bad it took several tries to get the key in the door lock and I kept checking over my shoulders the whole time. I almost turned on the lights when I got inside but realized that wasn’t normal for most people at this time of night. I felt my way to the balcony door and made sure it was locked with curtains drawn.
My sofa is now behind the door to the apartment hallway. Not wanting to smell up the bedsheets and too sore to change them, I tossed a blanket on the sofa before lying down on it. Maybe everyone else would take a shower then listen to a podcast or two before sleep. But this is the middle of the night for people working “normal” hours. Building management said I get thrown out the next time I piss off my neighbors by showering this time of night, so I won’t.
Just as my heart beat was slowing, things took a bad turn. Which is why I'm sending this, in case — look, things could get worse.
Someone's knocking on my door. In the middle of the night. In an apartment building where I'll be up for eviction if there's one more complaint from a neighbor.
I've looked out the peephole. I can describe the person perfectly. His blond hair is slightly messy. He's wearing a blood-stained white T-shirt, jeans and a gray blazer. No tie, beard, mustache or earring. Red athletic shoes, one with the shoelace undone.
He's smiling. He's holding a gun.
I called Emergency Services and they said they'll be here soon. No, they could not define soon. I need to stay put and wait for them.
But the guy at my door won't stop smiling or knocking. And I'm afraid he's going to get in and I'll never get out again.
submitted by LanesGrandma to Odd_directions [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 13:28 DifficultSquash3459 My fiancé 26M ghosted me 25F and moved out without a goodbye. What do I do?

My fiancé had a habit of lying to me since day one and I discovered another lie on Thursday, three days ago. It caused an argument and so much frustration, depression, anger, and disappointment in me. He promised again and again that he was done lying and I would believe him, only to be stabbed again in the back when another lie came out a week or a few weeks later. He kept trying to say it was my fault that he would lie to me and that I was overreacting. No apology involved. He also told his mother about the argument even though we discussed in the past that it was not right to do because he only would tell a small portion of the story and of course, he makes himself look like the victim and I'm the one in the bad light. Plus she almost caused us to break up back when we were just dating because of him running to her after fights and she would give him terrible advice to leave me because of the one-sided stories she would hear. Last year when that happened, he would pretend to be all loving and happy with me but then run to his mom if we had the slightest of arguments. For example, if we set some boundaries for ourselves and he wasn't consistent with them, I would confront him. He would tell his mother a terrible version of it and she spun up that I was abusive. So they would talk behind my back like this over lies while he smiled in my face. That's when I knew he could put on such facades and lie so easily. I should have left then, I saw the signs, but I was a fool. There was a part of me that suspected this would happen one day, not the ghosting because never in my dreams would I have imagined him being this evil, but I had a feeling this might not work out. I mean I was always questioning my reality and him especially when he would lie and tell me I was imagining things while swearing on his life, my life, our future unborn children, his parent's life, and on Jesus that was telling the truth. Only later find out he was actually lying and I wasn't imagining it. I mean I gave him my trust again and again, which was so hard for me to do in the first place, and he just kept shattering it even knowing how much it hurt me. So I told him I needed some space for the evening and I said I don't know if I can keep doing this (which he took and ran with even though I said it in the heat of the moment when I was hurt, we have both said things like that before in arguments and didn't mean it) and I asked him to get a hotel just for the night, which he did. The next day, I go into work and I receive one single text telling me I made one small thing into a huge deal. He would try to gaslight me at times and he was HUGE at twisting the role and playing the victim. I responded with the reasons why it was not okay for him to keep lying to me because it hurts me so much and why it wasn't just "one small thing," because behind that lie, so many other issues were there too. I didn't get a response. He usually would text me all day everyday and would be so loving and attentive so it was odd. So I went home that day expecting him to be there to talk about it. I arrive home and his truck isn't there. I walk inside and all of his stuff is moved out and gone. He put a photo of the two of us face down on the table and smashed our Bonsai that we called the Bonsai of Love because it was supposed to resemble our relationship. I called and called and texted and texted yet no response. I was begging him to come home to talk. I apologized for getting upset the night prior and that I just want him back home with me. I just couldn't understand how he could do this. It was all delivering too so I wasn't blocked. It wasn't until 10pm when he blocked me after I texted asking why hasn't he blocked me if he's really done? That was me trying to find hope in the situation that maybe he would return and that's why he didn't block me. Well after that, I was blocked. His mother also removed me from the family group chat. It made me wonder if he was just sitting back and laughing at my pleads for a response and possibly even sharing my distraught and sad messages to others. I suspect his mother played a huge role again because again, she almost caused a break up last year because of getting involved and turning him against me with the knowledge he shared, just enough knowledge to make me the villain. It has been two days and I have been ghosted by my fiancé. He also did this the day of my best friend's wedding rehearsal (I'm her maid of honor) and her wedding was yesterday (which he ghosted them for as well). Imagine how hard it is giving a speech for your best friend and her lovely fiancé, now her husband, when you were just horribly ghosted from your own a day prior and are now single. His empty chair was taunting me the whole time too, it was so hard especially with the love songs but I had to pretend to be happy for them. He was such a coward that he never even gave me an explanation or an apology or a goodbye. He ghosted his ex in the past when leaving her yet he at least gave her a phone call. Our relationship was much, much more serious and significant than that was too (theirs seemed more like a high-school type relationship) yet I still received nothing. We lived together, were engaged, spent every second together when we weren't at work, we had so many vacations planned (a weekend away to Lake George next week and an Alaskan cruise next month), on each other's insurance plans & phone bills & renters insurance & even pet insurance, we had a retirement plan set up, we were so close, things were so good because we meshed so well together. Yes, we argued here and there but every couple does, especially those that spend so much time together but his lies were what caused the most distress especially because the negative impact carried on for so long. I have my own issues as does he but he always said we would work through them together and that I never have to worry about him leaving. I would always put him and his needs before me. I would wake up a lot earlier than I have to in order to make him breakfast and lunch for his work day before I started getting ready for work myself and I would just throw something together sloppy, real quick for me. I was so good to him. Again, I do have my flaws and we argued at times but most of the time things were so wonderful. And what really blows my mind is that just days prior to this, he was telling me he wanted our wedding to be in October, we were both planning to move to Colorado and have been getting interviewed for jobs, how excited he was, he would tell me daily again and again that he loved me so much unconditionally, was fully committed to me for the rest of my life, and that he would never leave me. Then he did this. After so much time together, after I brought him into my home, my life... he couldn't even give me the respect or decency to communicate to me. I thought God brought this man into my life, the one I thought I was waiting for. Now I can't help but feel angry at God. He would call me his best friend, soulmate, his entire future. He promised away his life to me like I did mine. I guess it never meant anything to him. How could you treat someone you claim to care for and love like this? It is hard because I know he loved me, I do think if he didn't have his mother in his ear, he wouldn't have done this. But either way, he did do it. He is awful and she is just as bad. I hope karma comes their way. He knows I have abandonment issues and trauma yet he did this without any remorse, it seems. I'll never know.
What kind of monster... I just can't wrap my head around it. No closure. My friends and family are just as shocked and tell me it will hurt for now because it really is mourning a loss but it is a blessing in disguise. That I wouldn't have been happy in a marriage full of lies and distrust. All I know is that I am hurting really bad still. I am hoping I feel better soon. I have never experienced this kind of treatment or hurt before.
tl;dr My fiancé moved out without my knowledge when I was away at work for the day and he has since ghosted and blocked me without any communication. This was two days ago. What do I do? I miss him and our relationship. But I don't think he's coming back. How do I cope?
submitted by DifficultSquash3459 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 13:26 Orange_Menace1 Randyll Tarly - Blackfyre Supporter (my first theory)

Randyll Tarly - Blackfyre Supporter (my first theory)
Note: I started writing this and it got away from me. Rather than fill in the unfinished points, I've just left them there for everyone to consider

Preface

Randyll Tarly on a first read through is a jerk. He tortures Sam, insults Brienne, implements draconian justice and downplays the golden company threat. Prima-Facie, he is a violent commander with little political cunning.
Except for his results. By the end of ADWD
· He receives accolades for every battle fought (I hold fire on the term won)
· He holds the queen in his custody.
· He has a voice at council
· He secured his chosen heir in defiance of westrosi customs
If we assume these things didn’t happen by chance, we can re-examine some of his older achievements, actions, and then try to sort out his motives.

Randyll Tarly as a Commander

Roberts Rebellion

Battle of Ashford

Context: The battle of Ashford was Roberts one defeat in his rebellion. Tarly’s van sailed forward and defeated Roberts host, but the battle was inconclusive. Robert retreated to the stony sept, recovered, regrouped, and when his allies arrived and consolidated forces, used this new army to win the war.

Relevant Sections – directly on point paragraphs:

A Storm of Swords - Tyrion III

Tyrion had to bite his tongue at that. Robb Stark had won more battles in a year than the Lord of Highgarden had in twenty. ~Tyrell's reputation rested on one indecisive victory over Robert Baratheon at Ashford, in a battle largely won by Lord Tarly's van before the main host had even arrived.~

A Storm of Swords - Davos V

"Edric, you ought not boast," Maester Pylos said. "King Robert suffered defeats like any other man. Lord Tyrell bested him at Ashford, and he lost many a tourney tilt as well."

A Storm of Swords - Samwell V

"Your father is an able soldier," King Stannis said. "He defeated my brother once, at Ashford. Mace Tyrell has been pleased to claim the honors for that victory, but Lord Randyll had decided matters before Tyrell ever found the battlefield. He slew Lord Cafferen with that great Valyrian sword of his and sent his head to Aerys." The king rubbed his jaw with a finger. "You are not the sort of son I would expect such a man to have."

A Dance with Dragons - The Griffin Reborn

~He had lost it all at Stoney Sept, in his arrogance.~
~Robert Baratheon had been hiding somewhere in the town, wounded and alone. Jon Connington had known that, and he had also known that Robert's head upon a spear would have put an end to the rebellion, then and there~. He was young and full of pride. How not? King Aerys had named him Hand and given him an army, and he meant to prove himself worthy of that trust, of Rhaegar's love. He would slay the rebel lord himself and carve a place out for himself in all the histories of the Seven Kingdoms.

Other information gleaned from context

· Tarly did not inflict substantial casualties
· Robert won the battle of the trident within a year – Ashford is 282AC and the trident is 283
· Robert fled to and was sheltered in the stony sept, where Jon Connington failed to flush him out. The battle of the bells occurred in 283AC, as did the battle of the trident shortly after

Analysis

Randyll leads the van some distance ahead of the main force, gets into a battle with the rebels, and inflicts minor to moderate casualties before they escape. Tyrell takes the credit.
From a military point of view, if the battle had not been decided before the main force arrived, the war would have likely ended. A much larger force (with assumedly many more horsemen) would have won the battle both more conclusively, and been able to pursue. By all rights, the strategy enforced by Mace Tyrell should have won the war (this theme will come in later in this theory), but for the fact only a fraction of his army engaged far ahead of the main host.
As an aside and jumping ahead a little – Tarly avoids doing this after the blackwater, closing off escape routes and slaughtering everyone. This hints at the fact that Ashford was a tactical mistake.
The first three viewpoints we receive on the battle are of note.
· Tyrion points out the battle was indecisive, and ~decided before the main host arrived~. He focuses on the victory in ‘battle’ as opposed to war.
· Stannis points out how able Randyll is by defeating his brother once at Ashford. Although unable to ascribe any special military strategy to Randyll, he calls him ‘able’ and decided matters before Tyrell arrived. He also flags that Mace Tyrell claimed the honours for the victory and he thinks this undeserved. It’s interesting as it’s Maces host at Ashford, a host that by all rights should have crushed Roberts army in a single battle – given the van alone defeated him. He also ascribes the only kill of note as lord Cafferen
· Maester Pylos points out that Robert lost battles at Ashford and flags it was Tyrell who bested him.
The battle by all appearances, was a farce. Ashford could have ended the war. Arguably, even with the van alone deciding the fight, it very nearly did. Instead, the battle is determined indecisive, there is no ‘impressive kill and capture list’ indicating the host was not captured or killed (as opposed to routed), and Mace has this massive potentially war-ending host not doing much because Robert is in retreat before it arrives.
Furthermore despite all this, Tarly very nearly won the day at Ashford. Robert suffered a serious – but nonfatal wound that seemingly took months (and at least weeks) to recover. The fact that a seriously wounded Robert was able to escape despite distinctive armour and weaponry raises questions of its own.
Finally, when Robert was wounded and hidden in the aftermath whilst he recovered, narratively it allowed JonCon to lay siege to the stony sept. As a parallel, one of the themes I will later touch on is how Tarly changes after this battle, and we know JonCon swears to kill more and become Tywin 2.0. as a direct result of the events at the sept. We see a similar change in Tarly.
It’s also of note that Tarly and Tyrell at this point were on the Targaryen side. This crops up later when we look into other motivations and goals.
Aftermath
So we know that Robert suffers wounds and is somewhat detached from his host (be it they left him in the stoney sept or he scattered off from the main host). We know this as he ends up wounded in the Stoney Sept. After this, the battle of the bells and all the great victories that ended the war occur.
Notably, Tarly has no major military achievements after this battle. Since Mace Tyrell was invested in the siege of Storms end, it can be presumed Tarly was positioned with the main force. The next time we see him is in the battle of 5 kings –

Discussion with Renly – The Siege of Stannis

  • Renly outright ignores Tarly when he says they'll be charging into the sun. In renlys conversation with stannis he points out how overwhelmingly strong his force is and how it will be heavy horse charging into boiled leather. He's not wrong, if the armies clash, stannis will be crushed and waiting is potentially disastrous, as stannis may not engage or slow the whole process down.

Battle of the Blackwater

A Clash of Kings - Sansa VII

They came up the roseroad and along the riverbank, through all the fields Stannis had burned, the ashes puffing up around their boots and turning all their armor grey, but oh! the banners must have been bright, the golden rose and golden lion and all the others, the Marbrand tree and the Rowan~, Tarly's huntsman~ and Redwyne's grapes and Lady Oakheart's leaf. All the westermen, all the power of Highgarden and Casterly Rock! ~Lord Tywin himself had their right wing~ on the north side of the river, with Randyll Tarly commanding the center and ~Mace Tyrell the left,~ but the vanguard won the fight. They plunged through Stannis like a lance through a pumpkin, every man of them howling like some demon in steel. And do you know who led the vanguard? Do you? Do you? Do you?"

A Storm of Swords - Catelyn II

"I told you to hold Riverrun," said Robb. "What part of that command did you fail to comprehend?"
"When you stopped Lord Tywin on the Red Fork," said the Blackfish, "you delayed him just long enough for riders out of Bitterbridge to reach him with word of what was happening to the east. ~Lord Tywin turned his host at once, joined up with Matthis Rowan and Randyll Tarly~ near the headwaters of the Blackwater, and made a forced march to Tumbler's Falls, ~where he found Mace Tyrell and two of his sons waiting with a huge host and a fleet of barges~. They floated down the river, disembarked half a day's ride from the city, and took Stannis in the rear."

We know tywin likes to put his strength on his flanks and in the reserve

Interestingly, Mace is there too, and it’s a tyrell van this time, not tarly
Lord Tywin himself had their right wing on the north side of the river, with Randyll Tarly commanding the center and Mace Tyrell the left, but the vanguard won the fight. They plunged through Stannis like a lance through a pumpkin, every man of them howling like some demon in steel.
ACOK 62: SANSA VII

Analysis

First the parallels. Mace Tyrell is paralleled to Tywin on the two flanks. It is a tyrell in the van who decides the day. Randyll commands the center.
Logistically, the battle is won by Mace Tyrell (whom I love as a character) with a fleet of barges and a huge host already in position (allowing the army to cross quickly enough to intercept the battle of the blackwater). Also the messenger that draws in Tywin’s host comes from Bitterbridge – Tyrell Lands. Given the van wins the battle, there’s a fair argument that Mace could have won the battle alone, albeit with all the support he wins a crushing victory instead.
So Randyll is relegated to an important, but ultimately ancillary position. Whether the battle is won by Tywin or Mace (and by all logistical accounts, it’s Mace), is another question, but the ‘finest soldier in the seven kingdoms’ is once again, somewhat ineffectual. He still commands the center in such a battle, but he displays no logistical or battle prowess in this fight either, just being a renowned commander in the right place at the right time.

Battle of Duskendale

· Lord Randyll defeats a northern army. The army is mostly foot and misplaced
· This time, few excape – XXXX cuts off the retreat.
· Some theories say he was tipped off by Roose Bolton.
· This time he gets the commander
· Figth occurs in FIELDS AND FARMS. Bad terrain for a retreat. Glover TRAPPED against blackwater bay
· Note that Glover had to be captured lest bolton treachery be revealed. Cannot be allowed to send raven.
· Strong implication of a trap and tipoff

A Storm of Swords - Catelyn IV

When they brought him word of the battle at Duskendale, where Lord Randyll Tarly had shattered Robett Glover and Ser Helman Tallhart, he might have been expected to rage.

A Storm of Swords - Tyrion VIII

But who would be mad enough to contest Joffrey's rule now, after what had befallen Stannis Baratheon and Robb Stark? There was still fighting in the riverlands, but everywhere the coils were tightening. Ser Gregor Clegane had crossed the Trident and seized the ruby ford, then captured Harrenhal almost effortlessly. Seagard had yielded to Black Walder Frey, ~Lord Randyll Tarly held Maidenpool, Duskendale, and the kingsroad.~

A Storm of Swords - Tyrion III

"No," their father said. "With the war. Varys."
The eunuch smiled a silken smile. "I have such delicious tidings for you all, my lords. Yesterday at dawn our ~brave Lord Randyll caught Robett Glover outside Duskendale and trapped him against the sea. Losses were heavy on both sides, but in the end our loyal men prevailed. Ser Helman Tallhart is reported dead, with a thousand others. Robett Glover leads the survivors back toward Harrenhal in bloody disarray, little dreaming he will find valiant Ser Gregor and his stalwarts athwart his path."~

A Storm of Swords - Tyrion I

"Until Lord Redwyne brings his fleet up, we lack the ships to assail Dragonstone. It makes no matter. Stannis Baratheon's sun set on the Blackwater. ~As for Stark, the boy is still in the west, but a large force of northmen under Helman Tallhart and Robett Glover are descending toward Duskendale. I've sent Lord Tarly to meet them, while Ser Gregor drives up the kingsroad to cut off their retreat.~ Tallhart and Glover will be caught between them, with a third of Stark's strength."

A Storm of Swords - Catelyn IV

When they brought him word of the battle at Duskendale, where ~Lord Randyll Tarly had shattered Robett Glover and Ser Helman Tallhart,~ he might have been expected to rage. Instead he'd stared in dumb disbelief and said, "Duskendale, on the narrow sea? Why would they go to Duskendale?" He'd shook his head, bewildered. "A third of my foot, lost for Duskendale?"
"The ironmen have my castle and now the Lannisters hold my brother," Galbart Glover said, in a voice thick with despair. Robett Glover had survived the battle, but had been captured near the kingsroad not long after.

A Feast for Crows - Brienne II

Lord Randyll Tarly had commanded Joffrey's army, made up of westermen and stormlanders and knights from the Reach. Those men of his who had died here had been carried back inside the walls, to rest in heroes' tombs beneath the septs of Duskendale. The northern dead, far more numerous, were buried in a common grave beside the sea. Above the cairn that marked their resting place, the victors had raised a rough-hewn wooden marker. HERE LIE THE WOLVES was all it said. Brienne stopped beside it and said a silent prayer for them, and for Catelyn Stark and her son Robb and all the men who'd died with them as well.



Analysis

Firstly we start with the obvious comparison. Tarly lets Robert escape when Mace otherwise very nearly won the war. Given another chance, Randyll pins his enemy against the sea and plans to not let a man escape. Having somewhat surrounded the opponent on known land, with reinforcements (Clegane) behind him, he still manages to suffer heavy casualties, and the target (XXXX) escapes.
What a colossal mistake. The only good news is he intercepted enough of the force that it seems no ravens got sent off showing exactly what happened, as if one message got back, the whole red wedding could have been undone.
Now prior posts have analyzed duskendale about allowing paths of retreat, and number of losses, but I think there are three key takeaways
1) The stark contrast between this and his tactics at Ashford
2) The fact that he failed to capture the host and Gregor Clegane had to clean up the mess
3) The fact he suffered heavy losses when by all rights he had every advantage (and still failed to capture the army)
Interestingly, the message that gets to Robb is that Tarly shattered glover. The actual message from Varys is only 1000 were killed, with Tallhart. Now its difficult to say how many foot there were, but it’s not unreasonable to assume that 1000 is less than to around half the force. Clegane captures Glover in the aftermath (thankfully), and Robb gets the report that Tarly shattered the force, when in actuality a good chunk of it was Clegane.
As a sidenote- this is indicative that Clegane actually isn’t a bad commander, and in turn this makes the fact that Edmure Tully threw him back more impressive.
We also don’t hear of any captives other than the ones taken by Clegane. It appears Tarly is putting men to the sword (SEE EARLIER).
Now before we get into conspiracy theories, we see Glover in ADWD conspiring with Madderly to help the starks and Stannis, so it seems this was not some cunning scheme where he secretly got himself captured.
Interestingly, the graves Brienne sees seem to indicate a crushing victory for Tarly, like the one described by Robb. This however is at odds with the report of Varys, and the fact Clegane had to mop up the leftover army. Now there are a few possibilities for this. Varys could be wrong/lying, heavy losses is being thrown around as a relative term (but that seems suspect), or the total of Tarly dead and Clegane’s role is being hidden. The last seems the most likely, Robb hears of a crushing defeat led by Tarly not Clegane (which we know is at least partially false), the dead he kills don’t add up, and there’s no mention of Clegane whom definitely did some of the work.
Also even assuming the whole situation is true and Tarly killed men at a 2/1 ratio, this assumes there are 500 heroes tombs under the septs at Duskendale. Simply put, there may not be that many. The whole aftermath stinks of a coverup. Tarly is getting Cleganes credit (and interestingly, it’s around now that Tywin decides not to give Clegane to oberyn).
Finally we get to the tinfoily bit. Helman garrisoned with Walder Frey to make sure he kept peace. Of the two lords, Helman is arguably more problematic, he knows more of Frey habits (when Tywin is scheming a betrayal) and his nephew is a possible hornwood claimant (cough Roose cough). If there was a conspiracy to kill one and ransom the other – I can see a world where Talhart is the one to be killed. In all reality though, this is a bit too ambitious, and in reality one just died and one escaped – without some super scheme that Tarly was involved in.
So in summary – once again Tarly fails his mission. At best, he bloodies an out of position army whilst taking heavy casualties, with his reinforcements on the way, and half the army breaks free (admittedly into Clegane). This is not a great display of prowess. We also know its possible to capture these men as hostages, as Clegane successfully does so – and Tarly fails to once again. Now it’s not catastrophic as the Northerners are bleeding men and trading troops tit for tat is beneficial, but the battle itself (the thing Randyll is in charge of) is highly unimpressive. The strategic victory goes to Tywin, whom in truth entrusts it as much to Gregor Clegane as to Tarly. As it so happens, Clegane delivers and Tarly doesn’t.


A summary as a commander

Talk about failing upwards
· Charging ahead, he is able to turn a crushing win into an indecisive one which ultimately leads to Roberts Rebellion succeeding
· He gives counsel to Renly about the sun when renly knows that the sheer strength of his cavalry makes the issue moot. Renly all but ignores him.
· He doesn’t appear to do much during the battle of the blackwater
· He manages to mess up essentially an ambush at Duskendale despite reinforcements being on the way
· As a result of the 4 above points, he is given, lands, titles, honors and a position on the small council.
Upon actually reviewing his achievements and each individual battle, I’ve 180’d on Tarly. George RR Martin does a great job building him up, and having everyone describe him as a great commander, but actually unpacking his battles, he looks pretty underwhelming. The most important battle he won was Ashford, but that was a strategic catastrophe which otherwise could have potentially let Mace Tyrell win the war. Afterwards he’s carefully managed, with Renly outright dismissing him, Mace keeping the key positions of command in other people’s hands and Tywin going so far as to dispatch a trusted force behind him in the event he fails again – WHICH HE DOES.


Politicks, Loyalties and Conspiracies

There’s a lot to get through so I’m not going to source everything here. Rather, I’ll list dot points, and we will be collecting everything under theories. In time it may be worth sourcing this all, but for now, I want to get something out – so it’ll be shortform
· Historically house is blackfyre
· Renly Sworn NOT STANNIS
· Joined at bitterbridge to Renly
· Shadowbaby and killing others
· VIEWS ON MAESTERS
· Killing Stannis supporters at bitterbridge
· Saving Brienne
· Helping Brienne / Bewilderment
· Views on Women and Strongmen
· Sam, Maesters, the Marches and Strength
· Maidenpool Rulership
· Renown amonst common men
· Downplaying the Golden Company
· Bravosi Debts
· Taking the QUEEN ahead of Mace Tyrell

Theoreis Stemming off Data

The Blackfyre Theory

Let’s assume that Randyll supported the Blackfyres because his house traditionally were Blackfyre Loyalists. This is a little thin on evidence, but quite a few of his actions also support this, lending some credence to the theory
1) He swore to Renly not Stannis.
a. Stannis was 17 or 18 when he held storms end. He is approximately 13 years older than Renly, making Renly 5 at the time. This means that during Roberts Rebellion, for all relevant purposes, Renly was a non-participant, whilst Stannis actively fought against the dragons. If Randyll is a dragon supporter, his repulsion at joining Stannis is apparent.
b. In fact, he goes as far as to kill stannis supporters at bitterbridge to consolidate the reach forces. This is interesting as it contrasts stannis whom takes pains to not kill the karstarks to a man once he realizes their treason.
2) He downplays the golden company
a. At the end of AFWC, Randyll is downplaying the golden company as much as he can. If we assume he is pro-dragon, this gives time for the blackfyre cause to swell, as he delays Kevan Lannister to the best of his ability
3) He hates the Maesters
a. Between the Grand Maester Conspiracy [LINK], lady Dustin’s general hatred of Maesters and Marwyn’s comments about Maesters and Dragons, it seems credible that dragon supporters may have cause to mistrust Maesters. Indeed, we get hints of this from Doran, and a general mistrust of Maesters by some of the lesser lords.
i. "I would need a bucket, with this pain. Thank you, but no. I want my wits about me. I'll have no more need of you tonight."
b. This explains also why he is so determined Sam will not become a Maester and why he drives him to the nights watch. If he is a loyalist, he’s never going to let a member of his family into an enemy order. If Sam is given any sort of free reign in a role other than lord, he’s going to end up a Maester (indeed even at the nights watch he ends up there, despite his protests and fears of his fathers wroth).
4) Do we actually see any trouble in the marches. I don’t think we do and it’s only STANNIS who fears dorne through the marches, not Tarly or Tyrell. In fact, this area is left undefended when they march on the blackwater.
a. I have a sub-theory that despite complaining a lot, we don’t see any real antagonism between Dorne and the reach throughout the series, just some loud complaining that makes us think of antagonism. Oberyn hints at this to Tyrion.
5) Killing Florents
a. Florents have ties to Stannis
b. Florents are Tyrell rivals
c. Florents instantly defect to stannis. Note they were set aside by dragons over highgarden
d. Their protests were denied by King Aegon I, perhaps because the Florents had fought House Targaryen when the Tyrells did not.
e. https://www.reddit.com/asoiaf/comments/3tr6gx/spoilers_all_house_of_the_week_house_florent/
i. Theories florents Green
6) This is of course also consistent with him racing Ahead of Mace Tyrell’s army and having the Tyrell queen taken into his personal custody. Unfortunately, this bodes badly for our lovely doe-eyed Margery. Oh well.
7) ~If it were up to me, I would send them all to the Night's Watch, and Connington with them. The Wall is where such scum belong."~ He’s setting it up so the only legitimate claimant of JonCon’s lands is in fact, JonCon. Obviously a new lord can be appointed, but this suggested move adds legitimacy to the blackfyre cause, removing the heir apparent and putting JonCon back in his ancestral lands without a real challenger.

1) The ‘show of strength / toxic masculinity theory’
a. This theory has to do with Tarly appearing competent millirarily rather than being competent. He doles harsh justice and havy discipline, which in some ways hides his lackluster results as a commander. I should note this is the weakest of the three theories, but it sort of feeds into the other two.
b. This would be indicative of his hatred for Sam. The moment the ‘veil’ of masculinity and strength is lifted, his actual achievements are lackluster
c. After ashford he appears much more brutal than before. We have no indication he was brutal pre Ashford, and post ashford he’s executing enemies, cornering and murdering northmen to a man (as best he can at least) and doling out harsher justice than his peers
d. Every character who speaks of Tarly speaks of his millirary accolades. I think his ‘larger than life’ persona has played at least a part in this, and Tarly looks the part as the veteran commander.
e. I ought to note this theory doesn’t stop Tarly from playing the game of thrones, it just suggests he isn’t an exceptional tactical commander. Logistically, he has always been with the winning side as a vassal, he’s been able to spin every battle to gain honors and accolades, and he has a knack for being in the right place at the right time (declaring for renly early, being in the van at ashford etc.)
f. All that aside, this theory also doesn’t stop Tarly from being a jerk. Given how he acts to Sam and both towards and around Brienne, we are naturally inclined to mislike him as a harsh leader.
2) Not as dumb as he looks theory
a. He’s taken the queen into his personal Custody. We literally heard from Renly back in book 1 – he who holds the XXXX holds the crown. With all the chaos in the recent books, it’s easy to miss, but this is a huge move in the game of thrones. The Tyrells do not have the queen. Tarly does.
b. As far as I can tell, he’s never been at real risk in a battle since Ashford. He had backup and numbers at duskendale, a massive host at the blackwater, The Siege of Storms End was just a great big preservation of army by Mace whilst Roberts rebellion raged, and the Siege on Stannis was totally lopsided but for magic shadow-baby.
c. Dorne does not seem to have acted against him once nor demanded concessions. [CHECK]. For a lord in the Dornish Marches which have been tumultuous for years, this is somewhat of a big deal. He also seems to be unafraid of moving his forced forward – we have no indication he left levies to protect himself from Dorne, hinting that he wasn’t afraid of Dorne misbehaving (even if only to harry border towns, a bit like Bolton grabbing up the hornwood lands).
d. He sucks up to the bravosi Banker when all the debts are being called in. We have this picture of this strong, just, military man, but the banker scene shows he’s not just a sword arm, and he knows when to suck up. This is important as it shows he is at least considering the wider world and the future outside of the battles, as opposed to a certain dwarf whom never actually meets the bankers.
e. He has turned a bunch of mediocre achievements into being renowned as the greatest soldier in the realm. By all rights, Stannis and Robb are much better commanders (with the caveat that Robb was only good tactically). If we want to get nasty, Mace Tyrell has only won crushing victories – with the exception of ashford (messed up by Tarly) and storms end (where he lost no troops in a rebellion that depleted most of the realm).
i. The most competent appearing thing he said was to not charge into the sun, which was largely irrelevant when plated heavy cavalry is charging into boiled leather. As Renly said to Stannis, his force wouldn’t survive first impact, so this whole sun business is a bit silly.
ii. Arguably the most competent thing was executing all the soldiers considering going over to Stannis, but I’m not sure if this is truly competent or just brutality – Stannis did not do the same with the Karstarks in a similar position.
f. He’s bypassed succession laws. By getting rid of Sam he has set himself up with his chosen heir. Look at the thorny knot Tywin tied himself with Tyrion, whom still arguably is the rightful heir to Castelry Rock (which he made full use of with the Second Suns). We know Maesters can be kicked out of the order (see our favourite necromancer), and can be used to play with succession (Aemon is a good example, albeit he said no) and I don’t really see Sam as a priest.
i. There’s actually a good question as to whether he would have killed Sam. The gods hate kinslayers, and the threat sufficed. If we assume tarly isn’t an idiot, he would have realized the threat likely sufficient.
g. Given how he sets himself up at Maidenpool, its hinted that the Maidenpool land is part of his reward for the blackwater. We never hear of exactly ‘what’ Tarly’s reward is, except in the aftermath he’s patrolling Duskendale (still seemingly with house Rykker),, Maidenpool and the kings road, and seems to be setting himself up in Maidenpool for the long haul. In AFFC, Tarly’s heir is married off to Eleanor Mooton (the seeming heiress to maidenpool) and Tommen pardons Moonton. Maidenpool is a major port in the world of Ice and Fire, which would make it a fine reward[[1]](#_ftn1).
1.

Other key takeaways

BRIENNE THING

A Feast for Crows - Brienne III

Randyll Tarly solved the mystery the day he sent two of his men-at-arms to summon her to his pavilion. His young son Dickon had overheard four knights laughing as they saddled up their horses, and had told his lord father what they said.

… "The gods made men to fight, and women to bear children," said Randyll Tarly. "A woman's war is in the birthing bed."
Someone was coming down the cellar steps. Brienne pushed her wine aside as a ragged, scrawny, sharp-faced man with dirty brown hair stepped into the Goose. He gave the Tyroshi sailors a quick look and Brienne a longer one, then went up to the plank. "Wine," he said, "and none o' your horse piss in it, thank'e."

JUSTICE THING


Battle of the Blackwater – a step Sideways



In short
Randyll Tarly is a shrewd Blackfyre loyalist who now has custody of the queen, a position on the small council and whom is not considered a political threat. He’s not half the commander he’s made out to be, probably has anti-maester sentiment and is possibly friendly with Doran Martell. And he has an army.
This has been quite a ride and I’m sure I got many details wrong so let’s end on a high note. Given all this, I expect Randyll to sacrifice Margery and prove ser pounce’s lineage to the age of conquest. Tommen will blindly stamp a document marrying himself to the cat, the white walkers will be appeased (their problem is only humans), and everyone lives happily ever after except for Danerys who dies.
Maidenpool
https://preview.redd.it/4gfx1jxsbd1d1.png?width=217&format=png&auto=webp&s=a6c648fe2853a80f249aeae5546a21b38b4123e9

submitted by Orange_Menace1 to asoiaf [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 13:24 freakout18 Someone tried to take away puppies and I resisted. AITAH?

So, something crazy happened today that left me pretty shaken. There's a stray dog who gave birth to five puppies right outside my house. Unfortunately, only two of them survived, but now they're thriving( their names are Stepz and Chris Brown). My brother and I absolutely adore these little guys. We live at the end of a quiet street, so there's no danger of cars, and we take care of them—feeding them, giving them water, milk, and sometimes non-veg treats, and also their medication. They're happy and secure here.
Today, I was inside when I heard the puppies crying. I rushed out and saw a man with a huge stick poking around the bushes where they usually sleep. He was with a woman and two kids, also poking with smaller sticks. I ran over and asked what he was doing. He said he was trying to catch a puppy because his kids wanted a new one after their old puppy was hit by a car.
I told him he couldn't take them because I've been taking care of them and they’re practically mine. He got really angry and started subtly threatening me, saying he knew my neighbor, who is involved in local politics (a subtle threat). I told him I knew my neighbor too and that it didn't matter—the puppies weren’t going anywhere.
He got even more furious, tried calling my neighbor, and then banged on my neighbor's door (who didn’t answer). When he came back to me, he started calling me names and threatening me more. He asked why I didn’t keep the puppies inside if I cared so much, but I already have a dog and my parents won’t let me keep them inside permanently. I do let them inside for a few hours a day and also when it's raining or really hot outside. Plus, their mother would be upset if I took them inside away from her.
I eventually convinced him to leave by suggesting there were other puppies in the neighborhood. But before he left, he again threatened me and told me that he would tell my neighbor that I said bad things about him (which I didn't) and then he will "take care of me."
Now, I’m back inside, wondering if I made the right call. Maybe I should have let them take one of the puppies. On one hand, the pup might have a good life. But on the other hand:
I'm really conflicted now, especially since I might have to deal with my mean and aggressive neighbor because of this.
What do you guys think? AITAH?
(If someone want to see them then DM me I will send you their pics.)
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2024.05.19 13:24 DifficultSquash3459 My fiancé [26,M] ghosted me [25,F] and moved out without a goodbye

My fiancé had a habit of lying to me since day one and I discovered another lie on Thursday, three days ago. It caused an argument and so much frustration, depression, anger, and disappointment in me. He promised again and again that he was done lying and I would believe him, only to be stabbed again in the back when another lie came out a week or a few weeks later. He kept trying to say it was my fault that he would lie to me and that I was overreacting. No apology involved. He also told his mother about the argument even though we discussed in the past that it was not right to do because he only would tell a small portion of the story and of course, he makes himself look like the victim and I'm the one in the bad light. Plus she almost caused us to break up back when we were just dating because of him running to her after fights and she would give him terrible advice to leave me because of the one-sided stories she would hear. Last year when that happened, he would pretend to be all loving and happy with me but then run to his mom if we had the slightest of arguments. For example, if we set some boundaries for ourselves and he wasn't consistent with them, I would confront him. He would tell his mother a terrible version of it and she spun up that I was abusive. So they would talk behind my back like this over lies while he smiled in my face. That's when I knew he could put on such facades and lie so easily. I should have left then, I saw the signs, but I was a fool. There was a part of me that suspected this would happen one day, not the ghosting because never in my dreams would I have imagined him being this evil, but I had a feeling this might not work out. I mean I was always questioning my reality and him especially when he would lie and tell me I was imagining things while swearing on his life, my life, our future unborn children, his parent's life, and on Jesus that was telling the truth. Only later find out he was actually lying and I wasn't imagining it. I mean I gave him my trust again and again, which was so hard for me to do in the first place, and he just kept shattering it even knowing how much it hurt me. So I told him I needed some space for the evening and I said I don't know if I can keep doing this (I know I shouldn't have said it but we have both said similar things in the past during arguments and never meant it) and I asked him to get a hotel just for the night, which he did. The next day, I go into work and I receive one single text telling me I made one small thing into a huge deal. He would try to gaslight me at times and he was HUGE at twisting the role and playing the victim. I responded with the reasons why it was not okay for him to keep lying to me because it hurts me so much and why it wasn't just "one small thing," because behind that lie, so many other issues were there too. I didn't get a response. He usually would text me all day everyday and would be so loving and attentive so it was odd. So I went home that day expecting him to be there to talk about it. I arrive home and his truck isn't there. I walk inside and all of his stuff is moved out and gone. He put a photo of the two of us face down on the table and smashed our Bonsai that we called the Bonsai of Love because it was supposed to resemble our relationship. called and called and texted and texted yet no response. I was begging him to come home to talk. I apologized for getting upset the night prior and that I just want him back home with me. I just couldn't understand how he could do this. It was all delivering too so I wasn't blocked. It wasn't until 10pm when he blocked me after I texted asking why hasn't he blocked me if he's really done? That was me trying to find hope in the situation that maybe he would return and that's why he didn't block me. Well after that, I was blocked. His mother also removed me from the family group chat. It made me wonder if he was just sitting back and laughing at my pleads for a response and possibly even sharing my distraught and sad messages to others. I suspect his mother played a huge role again because again, she almost caused a break up last year because of getting involved and turning him against me with the knowledge he shared, just enough knowledge to make me the villain. It has been two days and I have been ghosted by my fiancé. He also did this the day of my best friend's wedding rehearsal (I'm her maid of honor) and her wedding was yesterday (which he ghosted them for as well). Imagine how hard it is giving a speech for your best friend and her lovely fiancé, now her husband, when you were just horribly ghosted from your own a day prior and are now single. His empty chair was taunting me the whole time too, it was so hard especially with the love songs but I had to pretend to be happy for them. He was such a coward that he never even gave me an explanation or an apology or a goodbye. He ghosted his ex in the past when leaving her yet he at least gave her a phone call. Our relationship was much, much more serious and significant than that was too (theirs seemed more like a high-school type relationship) yet I still received nothing. We lived together, were engaged, spent every second together when we weren't at work, we had so many vacations planned (a weekend away to Lake George next week and an Alaskan cruise next month), on each other's insurance plans & phone bills & renters insurance & even pet insurance, we had a retirement plan set up, we were so close, things were so good because we meshed so well together. Yes, we argued here and there but every couple does, especially those that spend so much time together but his lies were what caused the most distress especially because the negative impact carried on for so long. I have my own issues as does he but he always said we would work through them together and that I never have to worry about him leaving. I would always put him and his needs before me. I would wake up a lot earlier than I have to in order to make him breakfast and lunch for his work day before I started getting ready for work myself and I would just throw something together sloppy, real quick for me. I was so good to him. Again, I do have my flaws and we argued at times but most of the time things were so wonderful. And what really blows my mind is that just days prior to this, he was telling me he wanted our wedding to be in October, we were both planning to move to Colorado and have been getting interviewed for jobs, how excited he was, he would tell me daily again and again that he loved me so much unconditionally, was fully committed to me for the rest of my life, and that he would never leave me. Then he did this. After so much time together, after I brought him into my home, my life... he couldn't even give me the respect or decency to communicate to me. I thought God brought this man into my life, the one I thought I was waiting for. Now I can't help but feel angry at God. He would call me his best friend, soulmate, his entire future. He promised away his life to me like I did mine. I guess it never meant anything to him. How could you treat someone you claim to care for and love like this? It is hard because I know he loved me, I do think if he didn't have his mother in his ear, he wouldn't have done this. But either way, he did do it. He is awful and she is just as bad. I hope karma comes their way. He knows I have abandonment issues and trauma yet he did this without any remorse, it seems. I'll never know.
What kind of monster... I just can't wrap my head around it. No closure. My friends and family are just as shocked and tell me it will hurt for now because it really is mourning a loss but it is a blessing in disguise. That I wouldn't have been happy in a marriage full of lies and distrust. All I know is that I am hurting really bad still. I am hoping I feel better soon. I have never experienced this kind of treatment or hurt before.
tl;dr My fiancé moved out without my knowledge when I was away at work for the day and he has since ghosted and blocked me without any communication. This was two days ago. What do I do? I miss him and our relationship. But I don't think he's coming back. How do I cope?
submitted by DifficultSquash3459 to u/DifficultSquash3459 [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 13:22 releasepollen Is he lazy or am I expecting too much?

It feels like my boyfriend (27m) neglects important things and it triggers my (23f) childhood trauma, but I don’t know if it’s just my trauma or if he’s actually lazy. We’ve been together 8 years.
We live together and have a hobby farm where I take care of all of the pets. We used to split this responsibility but lately I’ve taken over his part because he was putting stuff off for too long. I realized the animals were drinking dirty water, their pens were dirty, and they sometimes were going up to a day and a half without food because he was “tired” and kept putting stuff off. But imo he would’ve had the energy and time if his screen time wasn’t so high.
He also went all out for Christmas and put up an insane amount of lights just to not take them down. I took what I could down in March and he said he would get the other half, which he did get some earlier this month, but it is now mid May and we still have some up. I feel like it makes us look lazy and trashy to the people driving by and to our neighbors. I would get them myself but I’m scared of heights and don’t want to get on the roof.
He also does not have a vehicle or his license and has been telling me for 3 years that he would get that taken care of but hasn’t made any effort. He also lied to me in the beginning of the relationship and told me he had his license and used to have a car but I found out that was a lie due to him being embarrassed of not having those things. He is able to get to work through walking/biking/public transport and also will have groceries delivered when I don’t feel like driving, so that has never been a problem for us, but it does stress me out that my car takes all of the wear and tear for everything else. And we do a lot of long distance travel.
Lastly, the other big thing that bothers me, when we left apartment living to live on our farm, he said he would take care of all of the yard work and was even excited to. He did great for the first 2 years of us here but now severely neglects it. He will let the grass get super tall and let the weeds grow so now our yard is literally a jungle half the time. His excuse is usually that we ran out of gas for the mower and he refuses to walk 10 minutes to the gas station to refill it because it’s embarrassing for him to walk with a gas can down a busy road. So then I’m forced to drive to refill it.
I work 40hrs a week, take care of all of the animals, and take care of all of the house cleaning. My boyfriend cooks our dinners, takes care of the yard work (sometimes), and works a lot of voluntary overtime, usually around 50+ hours a week. We split rent but he pays for utilities, all of our travel expenses (occasionally gas but mostly our food), and all of our groceries. I take care of the car payment, maintenance, and insurance since the car is mine and I got the car before we were together. All other expenses we have are pretty much divided.
I come from a family of severe neglect, basically like the show hoarders. My parents never took care of anything, so anything in my life that resembles that triggers me horribly. I’ve become the opposite of my family and have extreme ocd about everything being tidy and orderly. I don’t know if I’m being hard on my partner because of this or if I’m being rational.
TLDR; I grew up neglected as a child and don’t know if my expectations for my partner to pitch in with responsibilities are high or if this is a me problem.
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2024.05.19 13:21 Federal_Machine692 I work as a security guard in a secret government facility, and this is what happened (Part 1)

Buster growled softly, baring his teeth at me as he stood in defiance. His stance rigid and unyielding, his tail stiff, and ears pinned back - he watched my every move with alert eyes.
My 3-year-old German shepherd had intuitively figured out the prospect of an upcoming bath when he saw me reach for the towel, and decided to give me a hard time over it.
“I know buddy. I am not happy about it either. But I will make it quick. I promise,” I tried to reason, holding up both hands to reassure him.
‘But it’s not even been a week…’ I could almost imagine him saying those exact words to me when he growled back in protest.
“You’re right...But listen, man. You’re dirty. I can feel your presence from here,” I said, standing ten feet away and pretending to cover my nostrils with my finger.
Buster, of course, didn’t care and continued to defy without hesitation.
I put my hands on my hip and sighed. My glance immediately shifted to a hose attached to a tap outside my quarters.
“Tell you what. I’ll make it worth your while. You don’t mind the jet spray, right? In fact, you even tolerate it sometimes,” I said, pointing to the hose located only a few feet away.
“How about a little cooperation now, and I’ll make you your favorite meal a little later?” I asked him, while reaching out to pick a can of chicken liver from the kitchen.
As I dangled the can in my hand, I could see it slowly chipping away at his resolve, his mind grappling with the pros and cons of my new proposal.
A moment later, Buster barked at me twice and slowly made his way out of the house. He sat by the garden tap, ready to receive his bath.
I took a handful of lotion and began to rub it against his torso to remove all the muck and grime that was sticking to his body. We had been quite busy lately, guarding the base and conducting multiple patrols along the perimeter every day. The rain a few hours ago certainly didn't help matters, with Buster leaping over puddles of water and actively rolling in the mud to escape the desert heat. I had to use a brush to remove the layers of dirt that had caked all over his body.
It’s been a strange week, to say the least. The days were busy but peaceful, while the nights brought scattered, random sounds. Their origins were a mystery, as they appeared not to originate from the base. But I wasn’t too worried about it, not yet anyway.
There is an air base located a couple of hours away from the facility, and it wasn’t unusual for them to conduct sorties at odd hours in the night. I assumed they were probably testing out some new technology.
My colleague Joe thought the same thing as well. But we couldn’t take any chances, and we both had a job to do. So we conducted regular patrols around the base just as a precautionary measure.
But deep down, I felt something nagging at me, like I was being watched by someone or something. I couldn’t exactly put it into words.
For a second, I wondered if Buster too felt the same way when I saw him suddenly lift his head up, listening intently with his ears up in attention.
I quickly turned back to check if there was anybody standing behind me, but I found no one. When I turned around to face him again, I saw him looking up at the night sky, his gaze focused and unwavering.
“What’s it buddy? You see something?” I asked him as I cleared away the foam from his face. Moments went by slowly. And then, just like that, as if nothing had happened, he put his head down and began pawing my leg, urging me to finish his bath. I sighed again and turned on the hose, to wash off all the soap.
He finally looked presentable and I have to admit, his coat glistened beautifully under the moonlight.
Before I could reach for his towel, Buster swiftly moved in to close the gap between us and looked me in the eye dead serious. He then shook his body vigorously, much like a wet dog trying to rid itself of wetness, and trotted off without bothering to look back.
I laughed out loud as I sat there, drenched in water. I knew I should have seen that coming. However, my smile quickly faded, as it also reminded me of Jessica, my ailing wife.
Before another thought could take shape in my mind, I heard a familiar voice blare across the radio.
“Mike, I need you down here. Get to the post quick.”
It was my colleague Joe and I replied back in the affirmative. I quickly grabbed my gear and signaled Buster to follow after me.
When I reached the post, I saw Joe standing there armed with his rifle. As a seasoned war veteran with two tours under his belt, Joe was a dangerous man and not to be trifled with. But he was also compassionate and wise beyond his years.
“What’s up Joe?” I inquired, as I approached him near the entrance of the base.
“I am not sure yet. I thought I heard something at a distance. It could well be nothing.” he replied, after a brief pause.
‘Well, we’ve had a lot of that going around all week’, I thought to myself.
He then turned around to look at me. “I want you to run a perimeter sweep first. Then go on patrol again. Take Buster with you” he said, before heading back to his post.
I started the jeep and drove out towards the perimeter. The engine hummed softly as I navigated the rough terrain, with Buster sitting alertly beside me. After finding nothing suspicious during my initial sweep, I decided to broaden my search radius.
A mile into the drive, Buster suddenly started barking, prompting me to stop the jeep immediately. He leaped onto the ground and dashed towards a boulder located a short distance away. I picked up my rifle and cautiously followed after him.
When I reached the spot, I keyed the mic attached to my shirt and said, "Boss, you need to come see this."
I knew he wasn’t going to be happy about leaving the guard post unmanned, but I thought he would prefer to come and inspect this himself.
Joe arrived ten minutes later, parking his vehicle next to mine. He walked towards the boulder overlooking a small pond, and switched on his torch to get a better look at the skeletal remains of an animal dumped nearby. Three other animal remains lay next to it, all appearing to be in a similar condition.
“These look like coyotes, probably stopping by to drink water from the pond before they were killed,” he observed, his voice expressing concern. “Did you find them like this?”
“Yes”, I replied. “And they weren’t here when I drove through the same place this morning. I thought it was quite odd to be honest, to find four of them out here all at once in the middle of the desert, that too at this hour.”
Joe simply nodded in agreement.
“What sort of creature do you think did this Joe?”
“I mean it must have a ravenous appetite to chew every sinew of flesh from the bone, and lick it this clean.” I said, leaning in take another look.
“Do you think it could be the Chupacabra or something similar?” I continued, knowing fully well my question was a bit far-fetched, but I had to still get it off my chest.
Joe finally stood up, switched off his torch, and looked around the vast open desert in quiet contemplation.
“This is in fact the fifth sighting in less than a week, Mike, and all have occurred in close proximity to secure government installations. The one before this was even stranger, and happened near a military base, where an old buddy of mine continues to serve.”
“He told me in that instance, the remains belonged to a dog. There were no signs of flesh or connecting tissue from the nasal region to the abdominal section, while the region spanning from the abdominal cavity to the tail bone was left fully intact. The whole thing was carried out with surgical precision, and drew morbid praise from even the medic back at the base.”
"But how is that even possible? What are you suggesting, Joe?" I asked, surprised by the tone of my own voice and my inability to hide my disappointment upon hearing about it for the first time.
“This is not a hunt for prey, Mike. This is a hunt for attention. Somebody is trying to make a point. And I’d say they are accomplishing their objective.” Joe said.
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2024.05.19 13:19 SoSolidKerry Journey so far of herniated disc (including what's worked for me)

Hello, one and all. Been lurking for a while. Thought I'd share my experience thus far. I'm a 45-year-old female who herniated L4/L5 in early January. I'm, therefore, four months, two weeks post-injury.
It's a mild-ish protrusion pressing on nerves and causing sciatica. I have never had back pain. I'm a Brit. I plan to get over this conservatively and do not intend to have any injections or surgery. Note that I have some trouble lifting my left foot and walking as normal on that side, but everything is functional. I am able to lift my toes and heels, and I have full sensation everywhere.
From my scan, disc height is compromised only a tiny bit (I have juicy discs). I have a very wide and spacious nerve canal. No other issues aside from a transitional disc below (born with more bone than disc at L5/S1, very common, and I'm luckily in the "won't cause pain" camp) and a slight bulging disc above, which isn't pressing on anything. The transitional disc is likely to have led to this injury. But moving house finally pushed me over the edge, lifting things the wrong way.

The first month

The first month was obviously painful. Terrible sleep; sciatica was awful (burning in my left calf and left foot with some right foot tingling), and I was very stiff and leaning forward most mornings. Doing McKenzie cobras in those early days helped massively. And amazingly, I kept up with walking and averaged 15,000 steps daily. It wasn't painful. But I was taking Ibuprofen and paracetamol. I believe a lot of my sciatica has been caused by inflammation.
Back then, I was seeing a physio and doing some basic pelvic tilts, bridges, calf stretches, cat/camels, and – like I mentioned – cobra poses. Otherwise, I would mostly lie on the floor, on my front, resting. Or walking outdoors. It would take me three hours just to pluck up the courage to shower. And I could only stand under the hot water for less than a minute before lying on the floor again. Sitting was impossible. I couldn't use the car. I couldn't sleep on my left side. I would crawl down the stairs each morning after barely any sleep and go straight to the drugs. I couldn't make breakfast or do anything. But as each day wore on, I'd become less stiff and more upright and be able to walk for miles.

In search of a silver bullet

I tried everything in February and March. Acupuncture, physio, McKenzie stuff... They put me on Amitriptyline initially, but I hated it. And so they gave me Gabapentin. This helped with sleep and dialled down the pain significantly (I was on 300mg three times a day). I vaguely remember a crazy day when I walked into my local town, sat, and had cake and tea with an old friend. Still to this day, I can't figure out how! Boy, those drugs worked!
By the end of March, I discovered Egoscue and began posture therapy. I did it religiously for six weeks and even began working with a therapist. But it wasn't helping. And I didn't see any improvements. I also decided to come off the Gabapentin during this time (I would later go back on it, as I was in a lot of pain), as I felt totally off my face and hated it.
Around February, I also discovered Dr Stuart McGill. And read his excellent book, Back Mechanic. I learnt about spine hygiene and loads of other helpful stuff. Gradually, little by little, turning in bed got easier (brace that core) and getting up out of bed and off the toilet became pain-free, too. But I just wasn't seeing massive improvement.

Finding the right approach

That's when I decided to see a Master Clinician under McGill. Wow. It was the best money I had ever spent, and I'd spent more on acupuncture!
He went through my scan, was the only one to tell me about the transitional disc, and asked what I'd been doing thus far. He recommended that I give the posture therapy and the walking a break, just for a few weeks, to see if we could calm the inflammation down. And so I did. I rested. I mostly lay on the floor on my front or back and only moved around the house. No outdoor walking. No McKenzie cobra poses (which I've since discovered do more harm than good long-term and adopt a gentler version McGill recommends and says is just as effective). That was back in early April. And following his advice alone? I saw immediate improvements. In fact, the very next day, I was pain-free for seven hours. I couldn't believe it – just by resting.
I only rested for three weeks, and then I decided to try walking outdoors again. My gosh. The difference after the break! I could barely do ten minutes around the block without pain. It was too much. (I could never walk first thing before either – only later on in the day. But it would usually be fine.) But my back specialist wanted me to try walking three times a day, starting small. So, I persisted. He told me to stop if walking made things worse, though. Thankfully, it's been three weeks since I began walking outdoors again, and I'm making great progress. I can now get up from bed and walk immediately (I had to give it an hour before I ventured out of the house). And I can walk for half an hour, too. Three times a day. I find that a morning walk is crucial. I am stiff and a little sore at first, but it eases. And sets me up for the day. I also enjoy two or three hours of no pain when returning home.

Finally seeing progress

Since early April, the improvements have been gradual but almost daily. They're so small sometimes that you hardly notice them! It's only when you look back that you realise how far you've come!
In the six weeks since I worked with my back specialist, I have seen the constant burning sciatica in my foot and calf mostly disappear. Initially, I had a lot of fuzzing. That has now subsided, and since then, it's gone from fuzzing to cold water feelings and tingling... with occasional burning again (mostly only in the top of my calf), but that goes quickly. Now and again, I'll get a random ten minutes of a burning foot again, but it soon disappears.
A few weeks ago, I started getting new sharp and painful jolts in my left hip. That's apparently blood returning to the nerves. For the last week, I have barely had any foot or calf issues—I mostly have sharp pulling nerve pain on my left kneecap and similar symptoms in my hip. Only in the last month have I occasionally started to get a bruised feeling in my lumbar spine.
The morning stiffness and leaning forward? Gone. I am bolt-upright every morning and feel pretty good, posture-wise. Funny enough, since I quit doing the posture therapy. Go figure!
My glutes are very tight and constantly holding themselves. I'm trying to teach them to relax, but it's tough, as I know they're protecting themselves. I've been using heat to relax them—just a microwaved wheat sack some mornings.
Under a week ago, I came off Gabapentin. And I also quit Ibuprofen about five weeks ago. The only meds I take now are paracetamol – just one dose in the middle of the night to calm my (good) right hip that gets sore from only sleeping on that side.

How far I've come

Here I am, four months and two weeks post-injury. I still can't sit on a soft surface (I use a special sciatica cushion on a dining chair), I can't sit in a vehicle for the same reason, I can't sleep on my left side, and I still have some mild foot drop but am walking better.
On a positive note, the pain symptoms are changing daily, which is apparently a good sign. I am starting to feel some back pain for the first time, too. Centralisation is perhaps occurring. Instead of lying on the floor for several hours before breakfast, I now find better relief in standing and moving around. I can also sit for short spurts on my dining chair first thing in the morning, whereas before, I'd only be able to do that from midday.
I'm sleeping better. Six or seven hours a night. It's a tad broken, but I feel rested. And when I get up in the morning? Whereas before, my left leg and foot would go crazy with fuzzing and burning, now? Nothing. A mild tingling some mornings, but otherwise, fine.
I spend more of my days moving around, standing, walking, and occasionally sitting than "resetting" on the floor. And when I do feel sciatica getting worse, a brief rest on the floor makes the pain go away. It's never 100 per cent pain-free, you understand. It's mildly uncomfortable and feels like it could get worse at any moment, but I'm good.
And I'm finding that if I overdo it, any flare-up I might have is brief and easily overcome. Whereas before, it might've been five days to recover, now it's an hour resting on the floor.
If I stand at my standing desk for too long, my lumbar ache begins. It's not painful. It just feels weird—bruised, almost unstable, like I can feel it stacked. I lie down, reset, and then I'm good to go.

What has really helped

I now know what to do to avoid triggering pain. I can tie my shoes with my foot on a bench and lunge in. I have a shoe horn – a game-changer! I also use a strapped-on ice pack when I need to calm my nerves. Less so these days. And heat on my ass when the glutes feel too tight. I only take paracetamol in the middle of the night to help me sleep. Oh, and I find going to bed with an ice pack on sometimes really helps!
The meds definitely helped in those painful early days; but I need feedback. Once I felt I could, I stopped taking everything.
During this time, I also hired a cleaner (fortnightly) and a gardener. I've not stopped working (I have no choice; I am a freelancer). And I have no kids. So I don't have to commute anywhere. I stay at home and rest, and the only time I leave the house is to walk. I also invested in a new mattress, a game changer (John Ryan Artisan Luxury, if anyone wants to know). I am very lucky in all of these respects, I know.
The walking really helps – but it was only when I stopped, rested, and allowed by body to heal that I noticed a difference in my symptoms.

What's next?

I'm nowhere near ready to begin strength training. And I've avoided all physio and stretching of late. I am just doing what my back specialist recommends. Some mild cat/camels to get the blood flowing, walking, resting. I take magnesium, turmeric, vitamins D and B12, omega-3. I try to avoid sugar and alcohol (I don't always succeed on that one). I'm not ready for longer walks yet. And there's no way I could take a bath, sit up in bed, or sit on the sofa.
But I am healing. This has been quite the journey, but I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I'm excited for the next phase of recovery: rehab! And boy, will I be taking it seriously—for the rest of my life! It's down to us, after all. No one can do it for us.
There are some big life events coming up that I know I'm not ready for. When they get closer, if I'm still not better, I will call my GP and ask for advice. Ibuprofen might be brought out again. Perhaps even something stronger. But if I'm one of the lucky ones, I should be seeing further progress in the coming weeks and months.
I rate my ability to function normally when I can sleep on my left side again, drive my car and when I can sit on the sofa, too! I won't mind if there is some residual pain and weakness. As long as I can function without having the crux of a floor and yoga mat nearby.
I am more than happy to answer any questions. I hope this has helped someone. It's certainly helped me to get it all on screen. And I wanted to thank this community for all I've learned this year. I hope you're not in too much pain.
submitted by SoSolidKerry to Sciatica [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 13:18 pillowcase-of-eels [Music] Emilie Autumn's Asylum, pt. 6 – High-concept musician responds to online criticism by waging successful attrition war against her own fanbase

🪞
Welcome back to the Asylum write-up, where we explore the decade-long slow-motion car crash that is the Emilie Autumn fandom.
Sorry this installment took so long to upload! Just a heads-up, I may take some time to deliver the last one too – these posts take forever to format on Reddit's finicky-ass editor, and my dumb real life is currently keeping me from precious Internet time. Thank you for your patience! You have my word that everyone who pre-ordered the final installment will receive a PERSONAL, HANDWRITTEN letter autographed and illustrated by me, a list of the snacks I consumed while composing this write-up, some exclusive behind-the-scenes secrets, and a pony.
Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4.1Part 4.2 Part 5
Places, everyone This is a test Throw your stones Do your damage Your worst, and your best (...) And if I had a dollar For every time I repented the sin And commit the same crime I'd be sitting on top of the world today (“God Help Me”, 2006🎵)
Quick recap of where we left off. First, there were five to ten halcyon years of pleasant and meaningful interactions between EA and her blossoming fanbase, prominently by way of her official forum. Then, circa 2009-2010, EA's online presence shifted towards sudden anger outbursts, ban-hammering, and an increasingly top-down communication style.
This created a sort of primordial rift within the fanbase, between those who supported EA's right to speak her mind and regulate her own fan spaces however she pleased – and those who thought that her reactions were rude and inappropriate (at best), and that even fan spaces should allow for reasonable, non-abusive criticism of the artist.
Between a poorly-handled book release (see Part 3), the controversial (Part 2) or dubiously true (Part 4) contents of said book, and serious shade from various former collaborators (Part 5), more and more fans had pressing thoughts about EA's work ethic and choices. EA attempted damage control through drastic forum rules that made it virtually impossible to voice any “serious” critical opinion. It didn't work, of course: instead of squashing the mutiny, she created a schism.
Critical fans and active haters started congregating on unofficial platforms.

“WITH MUFFINS LIKE THIS, WHO NEEDS ENEMIES?”: TROLL LIKE A GIRL

So here we were, the early 2010s. The official forum (which had about 700 members in 2006, if you recall) was now thousands-strong, reaching just over 12,000 registered users in 2012 – not all of them active, but still. In terms of sheer numbers and content creation, the party was POPPIN'... but increasingly in parts of the Asylum that escaped EA's jurisdiction, such as Tumblr, where they could speak their mind freely.
You play the victim very well You've built your self-indulgent hell You wanted someone to understand you Well, be careful what you wish for, because I do (“I Know Where You Sleep”, 2006🎵)
In one wing of Asylum Tumblr, a smattering of call-out blogs emerged, which laid out EA's various lies, faux pas, shitty takes, and general deep-seated terribleness in detailed timelines and screenshots (or, short of that, long-winded bullet points). While many such blogs framed it as “serious” whistleblowing and did their best to remain as fact-based and neutral as they could, there was some genuine disgust, animosity and creepiness towards EA on that side of Tumblr; for some ex-fans, “exposing the truth” was mostly justify obsessive hatred, prying and verbal abuse. Some, for instance, felt the bizarre need to side with EA's mother in their estrangement. (One user, with the URL “emilyautumnfischkopf”, argued in a serious and down-to-earth tone - but with zero sources - that EA's upbringing had been nothing but peaceful and supportive until she ungratefully kicked her loving family to the curb for no reason at all. They were later revealed 🔍 to have an alternate handle as “eaisalyingcunt”.)
Either way, through these blogs, a number of potential drama bombs that had mostly flown under the radar were dredged up from over the years – some of which were hard to ignore, even for supportive fans. Where to begin?
There was that nonsense in-joke song, captured twice on camera during the 2009 tour (to very little outrage, at the time), crassly called “Manatee Retard”📺. Or EA's scathing response, in print, to a wheelchair user who found it insensitive that she used a bedazzled wheelchair as a prop to do sexy acrobatics on stage. (“Your offence taken at my hard-won self-acceptance proves that I indeed have something to fight against”, she wrote). Spoken word tracks where she made trivializing knock-knock jokes about serious mental illnesses she didn't have, like schizophrenia and OCD. Multiple instances of calling Britney Spears a “bimbo” and a “Hollywood fucked-up”, resentfully claiming that she only shaved her head because she was “hopped up on drugs” and certainly not because she was “bipolar”, a word the press liked to wield as an insult anyway. (“That's almost like calling someone a retard!” Yeah, heaven forbid.) The meanest, most distasteful paragraphs in the book. Basically everything problematic EA had ever said or written.📝 In retrospect, it had been a long time coming, but it was a lot to take in – and certainly more off-putting, even to less emotionally invested fans, than silly lies about her age and last name.
In another wing of Asylum Tumblr, some fans had had it up to here and just wanted to have fun. 🎵 If Plague Rats had learned one valuable lesson from EA, it was how to crack a joke in the face of absurd tragedy – and the general state of the EA fandom certainly warranted a few.
In 2012, Fight Like a Girl was released. After six long years, three of which had been peaceful, the Opheliac era was officially over. The new album and ensuing tour confirmed that the Asylum had entered a process of glamorous Broadway-style militarization. 🎵📺
The mood board was “Roman general meets Vegas showgirl meets Victorian street urchin”.🪞 The color palette was, to naysayers, “musty pink and rotten, stale piss yellow”. 🐀 The keyword was “REVENGE” (through the power of... self-expression! sorority! brutal assault with rusty medical implements!). The chorus of the title song had an intriguing run-on line about getting “revenge on the world, or at least 49% of the people in it” 🎵 – which seemed like an awful lot, and was widely interpreted (to cheers, boos, or uncomfortable sighs) as a misandrist jab at literally all men on Earth.
The show was essentially a demo version of the musical, in that the setlist vaguely reflected the order of events in the story – but prior reading was essential in order to get what the hell was going on on stage. This one Broadway reviewer had not perused the literature before seeing the show 🔍, and hated: the set, the choreography, the skits, the plot, the lyrics, the music, the concept. (Seriously, you should read the review. It's not even my show and I feel like quitting show business.)
Pre-show VIP encounters, now violin-free, were lorded over by EA's new manager🐀, whose official title was “Asylum Headmistress”. (Interesting choice – she sounds fun!) The swag bags were less substantial than before, and the “greet” part of the meet-and-greet was rarely more than a quick hug and photo op.
On Twitter, EA continued to embrace her “I am very badass” fronting attitude...
Often wonder if cyberbullies r aware they’re fucking w/ a girl who’s BFs w/ maker of the SAW films & is marrying a knife-throwing scorpion. (🐀📝)
...and her taste for needlessly inflammatory statements. About an aisle sign in a supermarket:
If this does not infuriate you, then you're a fucking potato.
(Again with the confounding crypto-ableism, EA! 🔍) She also went through a phase of raging against Lady Gaga 📝, who had stolen her idea of using a wheelchair on stage as an able-bodied woman. 🔍 That failed to convince anyone that she wasn't the histrionic diva that haters made her out to be.
Spurred on by EA's rallying cries and “us vs them” mentality, loyalists turned the white-knighting up to 11. On Twitter, some Plague Rats got into cat fights with Lady Gaga's Little Monsters (what a time to be alive). Others tried to balance out the Tumblr negativity with initiatives like “Spreading a Plague of Love” – a “positive-only” confession blog, whose extreme fangirling, comically drastic rules and hyper-defensive tone📝 did not debunk the increasingly popular notion that “true Plague Rats” were a bunch of authoritarian and hopelessly brainwashed fanatics.
EA truthers and other anti-fans started lashing out at anyone who dared express any positive opinion of EA, solidifying claims that the backlash against EA was just a conspiracy of bitter, hysterical bullies.
All this to say: every passing day brought new reasons for fans to get mad at EA and each other, and everyone in the Asylum was in need of a laugh. It's not easy having a good time.🦠
Leading up to Fight Like a Girl and in the years that followed, user-submission-based meme blogs took off, most notably “Spreading a Plague of Lulz / Troll Like a Girl”. A lot of the early submissions were absurdist humor and toothless, cheezburger-Impact memes (a style that was, oddly, already dated at the time). Those often originated in good fun, and from loyal fans, on the official forum. But there was also true snark, satirizing EA's questionable ethics, outrageous claims, and easily spoofed artistic gimmicks. A new slang of Asylumspeak emerged: Glittertits (slight NSFW), GAGA!!, EA Gusta and all its memeface variants, Get outta mah house!, Are You Suffering?, Fight Like A Goat, [Random celebrity] copied EA (a subgenre in its own right), ...
Most of the “trolling” was directed at unrepentant bootlickers and, to a lesser extent, red-in-the-face haters and creeps. Meme blogs would post joke comments under “serious” or gushing submissions on Wayward Victorian Confessions, and taunt loyalist accounts by tagging them in their posts. When a few people complained on WVC that almost all of the Bloody Crumpets to date had been thin white able-bodied women, and a few fans responded by sharing their dream-casts for a more diverse line-up, the blog was flooded for days with confessions that “X should be a Crumpet” (candidates included RuPaul, Mitt Romney, Nicki Minaj, EA's therapist, and the WVC admins). Farcical shenanigans like that.
Ah, but some people will always cross the line, won't they. EA threads popped up on merciless, bully-friendly snark platforms like Lolcow, Pretty Ugly Little Liar, and Encyclopedia Dramatica. Snarkers with a mean streak and obsessive haters mingled in some of the more aggressive, 4-chan-spirited retaliation against EA – which would be called “brigading” in modern parlance. This included flooding EA's Goodreads page with one-star reviews (see part 4), repeatedly editing her Wikipedia page to include her legal name and birth year, and ensuring that Googling said name would bring up current pictures of her.
All of this compounded agitation fragmented the once-united fandom beyond recognition.🦠 Through substantial disagreements among fans, personal bickerings, layers upon layers of inscrutable in-jokes, and cross-platform telephone games, the Asylum morphed into a booby-trapped Escher room.
Satire blogs were taken in earnest. Earnest fan blogs scanned as satire. Memes would get called out as abuse. Appreciation without attached criticism would get mocked as bootlicking. Obvious jokes made by EA would be taken at face value. One divisive confession could trigger days and days of debate, to the point that WVC eventually banned confessions in response to other confessions. New waves of infighting created a confusing web of rival sub-factions🐀, each accusing the others of being toxic, cliquish, and delusional.
The shared fantasy was broken, the collective vision had crumbled, no onez was speaking the same language anymore. Fans would jump down the throat of other fans who held almost identical views about EA, except for that one thing she said or did that one time. Everyone had differing thoughts on what should or shouldn't acceptable to discuss, question, excuse, make fun of.
War is hell.

SCORCHED EARTH SHENANIGANS: HONEY, I SHRUNK THE ASYLUM

Would you tear my castle down Stone by stone And let the wind run through my windows Till there was nothing left But a battered rose? (“Castle Down”, 2003🎵)
Haters vs sycophants is not really the kind of conflict where one side can come out on top (if you're participating, you've already lost). But in the long tug-of-war between “grassroots” and “EA-sponsored” fan spaces, the ultimate winner is obvious – in that the former is gasping in agony, a shriveled husk of its former glory, while the latter... is non-existent. This is due in no small part to EA's tendency, like the Czars of old, to settle conflicts by setting Moscow on fire.🔍)
That's not entirely fair: unlike EA, the czar only did it that once.
By early 2013, as EA was gearing up for her third Fight Like a Girl tour at the end of the year, the official forum was... not as lively as it once had been. Not just because of the stifling rules and disgruntlement towards EA, or because EA herself hadn't really posted anything on there in years; the Internet was also changing, and forums in general were fast becoming passé.
This made it difficult for EA to create a safe space where she could talk to fans, and fans could talk to and about her, in a way she deemed suitable (ie, a space she could gate-keep and regulate enough to keep it completely free from negative criticism). Social media was a minefield; she still posted regularly, but didn't interact very much. So EA and the Headmistress came up with a way to filter out the unbelievers: an official fan club📝, aptly called the “Asylum Army”, with a $100 entry price.
Joining the AA came with a dog tag, a sew-on patch, and a lifetime membership certificate signed by EA and – for some reason – the Headmistress. (Unlike EA's best friend and sound engineer back in the forum's heyday, I don't think fans ever really embraced the FLAG-era manager as part of the Asylum in-group. She came across more as a coordinator / businessperson / adult chaperone, at best.🐀) So, slightly better goodies than you'd get by joining the other AA 🔍 ... but not by much. The main appeal was that members would have access to exclusive content, special merch, giveaways, early bird tickets for future shows, and regular video chats with EA.
The concept itself drew a fair amount of criticism, as you can imagine. Between the name🐀, the price, and the inherent gatekeeping of a pay-to-join fanclub, many balked at the monetizing of a concept that had once (like, three years back) been significantly more DIY, grassroots, and inclusive. 📝🐀
Then again, many also longed for a positive, drama-free space where fans could just be fans. And while the creation of the AA was generally recognized as a quick cashgrab, a lot of people were surprisingly cool with it. EA was trying to finance her dream musical, after all – although a number of fans wished she had gone about raising funds in a less sketchy way.
So around 400 fans shelled out (which, according to the Headmistress📝, “basically cover[ed] the cost of running the fanclub itself – keeping the database up, website, etc.”). Enough for a close-knit, but sizable community. But already, there was a conflict of interest: a high fanclub entry fee essentially demands that you pledge loyalty to the artist over loyalty to your fellow fans, who wish to join but can't afford to. Sharing, caring, and ensuring no one felt left out were some of the more positive values cultivated in the fandom... but leaking exclusive content would surely piss off other paying members🐀, and make EA feel betrayed all over again. (And she had barely just started to mellow out on social media!)
...But then again, this is the internet. After the first month of secret AA drops (lyric sheets, some photoshoot outtakes – nothing too juicy, really), there were, yes, some leaks. EA was predictably miffed, and retaliated by... ghosting the fanclub for weeks at a time in its first few months of existence (great look!). She eventually found the “solution” to her problem, by providing something you couldn't right-click-save (and which had been part of the promised perks to begin with): live interaction.
Over webcam, she was her usual in-person bubbly, charming, funny self. Everyone seemingly had a good time during the fanclub video chat, and this gave people faith and hope.
There were a few more events, giveaways, etc. As promised, ahead of the fall 2013 tour (the last one to date, it would turn out), AA members got priority access to show tickets and VIP bundles. The latter were much pricier than before, and only included soundcheck, a photo-op, and three goodies: a tin of loose-leaf tea, a signed printer-paper setlist, and a small flag that said “F.L.A.G.”.🔍 Some stuff continued to leak – but, as some of the outlaws pointed out (scroll down to the Disqus comments), they were mostly relaying information that was relevant to the entire fanbase, such as updates about ongoing projects (the dragged-out recording of the audiobook, for one).
In early 2014, lifetime memberships were closed, and replaced with monthly, quarterly and yearly subscription tiers. Bizarrely, you ended up paying $3 more per month if you bought a $99 yearly subscription📝 – but it did include the patch, dog tag, and piece of paper!
Sometimes I kind of want to be part of the cool kids and register to the Asylum Army. Then I remember how it came about, what you could get for the same price a couple years ago, how the whole thing was and is handled, and that I won’t support any of this bullshit. (And then I roll around naked in all the money I’m saving.) (🐀)
Still, a number of fans rejoiced at the affordable monthly option, and joined – if not for the exclusive content and merch (which were... okay, but not much to write home about), then for the friendly, drama-free exchanges with an artist they actually did love, in spite of all the frustration.
For the still-too-poor or still-undecided, there was always the forum! It wasn't as active as it used to be, but a few die-hards still managed to keep the lights on... until, inevitably, Someone Did Something and Ruined Everything. (Once again: EA's wrath is spectacular, but rarely completely unprovoked.) The incident features one notable figure in the Asylum community. Let's call him the Collector.
OK, so maybe you remember the meme I linked to in Part 4, with Christian Grey and the ginormous EA hoard. Well, that's the Collector's collection. The “Violin” promo that I called the "Holy Grail of the fandom" in the same paragraph? Also his. The handwritten lyrics that went for $940? Guess who won that auction. Over the years, the Collector had probably spent five figures on EA merch and shows, and although that fact was a little unsettling, he was a very active, easy-going, and generally well-liked fixture of the fandom.
One day in 2012, shortly after the Headmistress had replaced EA's old Chicago BFF as main forum admin, the Collector's account got banned or restricted over something dumb. When the ban wasn't lifted as quickly as he hoped, he took it... the way one takes things when one is unhealthily invested: he started spamming Headmistress and the mod team with increasingly rambling and abusive emails (lost to time, probably for the best). When that didn't work quickly enough, he tried a different route.
One of the many auctions that the Collector had won, some years prior, was EA's old iPod Touch📝 – which contained all of her favorite tunes and, buried somewhere in the data cache... a phone number. Which the Collector tried calling. And wouldn't you know it: EA picked up. She congratulated him on his sleuthing skills, listened patiently as he made his case, apologized for any distress caused by the unfair account restriction, and then they got married.
Kidding! She freaked the fuck out, hung up, and banned him for life from the forum and all EA shows and events.
After his ban, the Collector allegedly still tried to attend at least one VIP pre-show (one source in the comments says he was allowed to buy some merch, refunded for his ticket, and escorted out). He joined the Reform forum to bitch about EA and try to rally people to his cause, possibly made revenge posts about her on darker snark forums, and continued to hound the Asylum mod team. So in June 2014, EA came up with a radical and unexpected fix to the Collector problem.
The official Asylum Fan Forum has been shut down permanently. I have personally paid thousands of dollars each year to keep the forum safe and secure for you ... Unfortunately, the forum has not been kept safe and secure for me, a truth which disappoints me greatly, instead becoming a place where people who have physically threatened myself and my staff prey upon forum members, pressuring them to contact me and my staff on their behalf. If the gullible wish to humor my stalkers (who live in their parent’s basement at age 30 something) and thus put me in danger, they may do it on their own dime. They may also fuck off, because stupidity can kill, and I won’t be your victim. To those who enjoyed the forum, you know who to thank for its closure. (“On the closing of the Asylum Forum”)
Voilà! This is how a decade-long archive of shared history ends: not with a bang, but with a dirty delete and a sod-off communiqué.
The obliteration of the forum took everyone by surprise...
I was actually on the forum when it was taken down. I was navigating between posts and when I went to click on a different board, an error message came up. I honestly cried a little, I'm not ashamed to say. (WVC admin on Reddit, 2024)
...and I do mean everyone:
Chicago BFF / ex-admin, the next morning: Whoa, EA forum shut down? Ex-mod: It turns out that if someone spends enough years actively “waging war” to destroy what they can’t have, eventually they’ll be successful. * eye roll * Not even mods got prior warning. Just all the sudden, poof, gone. BFF: Really? She did not let the moderators know?! This is sounding worse and worse. Uggh. I’m so sorry. Such a loss. (...) Ok, threats are serious, but why not just put it in archive mode so no one can post? (...) Sad. I shall light a candle in the forum's honor. (Facebook posts; scroll down for screenshots)
It was a gut punch, especially for people who had poured countless hours into the community, or could have used some prior warning to save years of their own writing from the role-playing threads. One last chance to take a look around the place that had meant so much to so many.
From the wording of the announcement of closing the forum and a number of other things, it sometimes seems like EA doesn't like her fans much. :/ (🐀)
Three months after the forum was nuked, Battered Rose (a venerable EA fansite, which had been around since the Enchant era and had one of the most complete EA galleries online) announced that it was shutting down too.📝 The admin, who had also been a long-time forum mod, cited a lack of “time, energy, passion, or money” to keep the website going... and being upset at the sudden disappearance of the forum. It was, truly, the end of an era for the Asylum.
...Well, no point in living in the past. For those who could afford it, and still wanted to talk to/about EA after that (not everyone did 🐀), there was always the Asylum Army fanclub!
Over the summer of 2014, EA held regular live chats and Q&A's, and... many attendees really enjoyed them, and thought the AA was well worth the money after all. She also quietly parted ways with the much poo-pooed Headmistress around that time.
Just spent over 4 hours giggling, drinking tea and playing guessing games in chat with EA and other Asylum Army members ... No griping, no downers, just lots of fun. I think I like the way the ‘new fandom’ is going and now I’m really glad I finally decided to join the Army. (September 4, 2014🐀; Battered Rose had closed the day before)
The forum was lost forever, but perhaps that was a chance for a fresh start. Could this fanclub thing really be the Asylum Renaissance that fans had been longing for?
...I have come today to a very difficult but necessary decision, and that is to discontinue the Emilie Autumn Official Fanclub. The site itself, and the community chatroom, will remain open to you indefinitely, but I will no longer be making updates to the site. (Newsletter, September 8, 2014📝)
...Never mind, then.
Turns out the fanclub had been the Headmistress' idea all along. EA had been reluctant from the start, and although she really enjoyed the live chats with a safe community of people “who are there for the right reasons”, she couldn't overcome her fundamental discomfort with the concept. Lifetime and regular members would receive a bunch of digital downloads and a -35% coupon on the Asylum Emporium for their troubles. EA said she would definitely pop back once in a while for live chats, for free, just for fun, but to my knowledge, she never did.
And so the most devoted fans were left standing in the rain...
She is happy, she made it. She is fulfilling her dreams, found love and happiness after all the pain. I understand that she now doesn’t need “us” anymore ... That doesn’t change the fact she broke my heart with taking the Asylum Army and the forum from me. Yet, I am happy for her. (🐀)
...while naysayers pointed and laughed, Nelson-style.🦠
I don’t feel sorry at all for the people that paid for the Asylum Army fan club. Most of them knew that EA is an atrocious business woman and has broken many promises before. In fact, I laugh at them. They seriously thought that EA would actually stay consistent with this? (🐀)

EVERYTHING MUST GO: THE ASYLUM WHOLESALE

EA fans were left without an “official” home for about three years. This gave them plenty of time to be annoyed at EA for: not releasing the audiobook on time, not materializing any new project for a while... and the new sin of peddling random, ridiculously marked-up AliBaba jewelry as “merch” on her official store. Think faux-antique cameo pendants and $30 Big Ben rings (...because the Asylum story is set in London, get it?).
The whole accessories section looks like a tacky overpriced English souvenir shop. (🐀)
The fanbase lost a lost of steam in those in-between years, because there wasn't much to stick around for. As evidenced by the positive reception of the AA live chats, even in the midst of unresolved drama, out-loud interactions in a friendly environment have always been EA's saving grace. Considering the amount of online hate, there are shockingly few accounts of bad IRL encounters with EA: most people say that in live conversation, she comes across as a fun, warm, and genuinely sweet person. Some report that their negative opinion shifted after meeting her.
But there were no chats or live shows anymore. There was only social media, where she ignored questions and vague-posted about overdue projects – and the newsletter📝, which was all saccharine love-bombing to promote bland dropshipped trinkets. For fans who remembered the handcrafted merch (and two-way communication) of the early years, it was a bitter pill to swallow.

CONTINUED IN COMMENTS


submitted by pillowcase-of-eels to HobbyDrama [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 13:07 LostTivoli Housemates Hate Me

I have a problem with my housemates and I just can’t wrap my head around it. I’m in my final year of uni, live with 4 other girls, two of which I was friends with beforehand. It’s the final stretch of uni and I’ve never been so stressed. I’m not going out clubbing with them, I’m not doing anything but studying or spending time with my bf. But they seem to take it the wrong way. Maybe it’s because I’m the only child and I love my alone time. I also asked the girl directly next door to me (professional yapper) to stop talking on the phone between the hours of 12 and the early morning. She gave me a sour face and ignored me. The girl who lives above me gets up at 6am and the ceiling is very thin so you can imagine I can’t get much sleep at all. So I ask her again, and again and again and eventually she ignores my texts so I start knocking on the wall gently a couple times. She stops sometimes. But it’s annoying that I have to do this most nights. And it’s a rule that I thought we would both keep in mind but she wasn’t having it. So I stay with my bf for two weeks where the sleep is much much better. I come back home. My kitchen stuff is strewn about the place and a few other annoying tidbits. So I send a polite message to the house chat asking people to leave my stuff alone. Oh no. They don’t like that. The professional yapper next door decides to talk about me in the kitchen with my other friend, saying that they don’t care so why should I and that I was harsh and rude for not talking to her directly 🙃 Idk how I was meant to know it was them, hence the general message. So, message complaints aren’t on the table. Few days later, professional yapper sends a complaint about a cardboard loo roll left in the bathroom. It was me. She knows it was me because she spoke to the only other girl who uses that toilet and they confirmed it wasn’t her. So, an indirect message to me calling me messy and I should act like an adult. A whole paragraph over a singular, cardboard, loo roll. So she’s allowed to complain in the group chat, talk shit about me in the kitchen, absolutely blank me in when I say hello or good morning. But when I do it, ahhhhh. This girl is out to get me in my own home and all I wanted was to live peacefully doing my studies. It’s not like I’m dirty either. I’m one of two people that clean this place. I was also crammed into the crappy room under the stairs like Harry Potter. But I’ll take the hit for the girlies! And then I get treated like a bitch. Genuinely so tired, all I want to do is move out.
submitted by LostTivoli to roommateproblems [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 13:07 Celestial-Nexus Do I(28m) break NC with my partner(27f)? Really need some insight.

So I am recently coming off of a 10+ year relationship. We had a talk about 2 weeks ago. For the past 2 years the relationship has been causing mental distress on both ends. She is always telling me how unhappy I make her because of my failure to be a good communicator and that I never plan anything for her and shes hurt from the past because she pretty much felt like anytime we went on trips or did things together that I didn't want to be there. She always is consistently bringing up the past no matter what I do.
Now I will say when we would communicate I would get defensive sometimes. Now I would try to plan small things like going to the movies or dinner dates but 9/10 whenever I planned something she usually would be against it and we ended up doing something else. Now I guess the reason for some of my lack of effort in certain aspects was my result of never feeling like I had me time. I'd always put myself last, my job I had at basically the whole relationship before I left was miserable at times, making me stay late, understaffed, always feeling super overworked, as a management employee I went above and beyond at work which I will never do again for another company with poor management above me. I would then come home and spend time with her and try to make up me time at night which would result in me being drained and super tired. I was pretty poor with balance in my life.
Now I have mentally checked out of the relationship probably a couple of months ago and she has to. During our talk I didn't really know what to say because it has been the same talk we always have except she ended up saying she wanted to breakup even though I feel like she didn't want to, now I did try to stay but didn't push the issue because of how miserable I have been. I was putting more effort in but felt like it was useless because she would say to me that she feels like I'm just checking off boxes. Imagine your actually genuinely excited to see someone and they walk around with a stormy cloud on there head after work and say "I feel like you only do these things to check off a box". I can't describe the feeling I get when I'm with her other then it's like she just isn't happy with me and miserable. It's like I can just feel it in the air and over time it's been beating me up mentally.
I also feel like I shouldn't have to sit there and explain what type of man I am and what I have done for her like it's a job interview. I know my worth and all I want is peace. All I hear when we talk is me, me, me, me, me. But I want to talk about how I feel, she brings up the past, and trys to validate the way she feels and her actions and I'm supposed to just take it.
Imagine living with someone who is always just unhappy with you and miserable which in turn makes you miserable as well. She ended up texting me that she loves me and misses me and asked why I didnt fight for the relationship and accepted it. She says shes done chasing me and said I need to man up and try to fix the relationship and she wants to feel like a prize. Now I texted her "go be someone's prize then" and blocked her, before hand she mentioned meeting up as texts can me misconstrued but it's going to be the same thing. I love her deeply but it's hard to fight for someone who makes you feel like they won't have your back. It's also like I'm trying to somewhat do her a favor by letting go which also has been ripping me to pieces. I was thinking of unblocking her and reaching out but now it's kind of awkward as I sent that message and don't know how to go about it. It's been 5 days since I blocked her. I feel bad because I know she's probably hurting and very upset. It's almost like I feel pushed out the door but drawn in, like she has 1 foot in 1 foot out type of thing. Just feels very confusing and the situation is hard. The time away with NC has allowed to somewhat get my thoughts and feelings more organized. Idk what to do.
submitted by Celestial-Nexus to relationship_advice [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 13:06 justanothersiya AITA?

AITA? Hey y'all. First time poster here. 😅 This is a REALLY LONG one...
TW: d34th (grief), DV
How do I (28F) not make ADHD my entire personality? 😫 I am unmedicated (unemployed and medication is not something I can afford rn), and find it extremely difficult not to let my neurodivergence permeate throughout my entire life and affect my relationships. I really try my best, but it's an uphill battle when it affects how I communicate, relate with others, and self-regulate the RSD. I also have an anxious attachment style due to childhood trauma and history of domestic abuse in a previous relationship, so there's that. 😔 One of the most challenging things about being a neurodivergent living in a predominantly neurotypical world is the lack of education on it and lack of empathy and compassion for people on the spectrum. Not trying to be a victim here, this is just my experience.
Some of the things I battle with:
So I've been talking to this guy (28M) via Facebook messenger and mostly Whatsapp for about 9 months now. We're long distance (living in different provinces - I'm in South Africa btw), and both have so much going on in our lives, that it's simply not practical to be official bc 1. I'm unemployed and have so much trauma and internal work to get through, while he is trying to build a successful business that is still quite a baby (less than 5 years old) and 2. We just want to be realistic about the chances of a LDR being successful. So right now, we're in a talking stage.
Now this guy has been all green flags since we started talking. Attentive, kind, funny without being mean, God-fearing (I respect all beliefs, even the lack thereof so this is not a jab at anyone who isn't. It's simply a green flag for ME as we are aligned in that way), family oriented, and honestly he is just always really nice and reassuring to me, even in moments where I have done something to upset him. That stood out to me bc he does not withold intimacy when we have conflict. He also has a genuine curiosity about how my ADHD affects me, and has always shown compassion to me about it. This is really important bc I've never experienced this with ANY man I have dealt with. I usually look for love in men who get irritated by this, I have been told that I use my ADHD as an excuse in some arguments with an ex, been shamed for the executive dysfunction and long-windedness, have had boundaries crossed regarding my physical sensitivity to certain touch bc I guess ADHD doesn't seem like a real thing to certain people?
Anyway, he's been going through a lot mentally and emotionally, his business has been taking a lot of knocks, funding and budget issues etc. He lives on a farm (hates city life lol) which he finds to be more peaceful to him, however, he's been in the city for about 3 months now due to work setbacks. It's affected his mental health quite negatively, and I often feel pained by this. I often feel helpless bc I can't solve his problems, and he just becomes aloof and buries his head in work. I can completely understand this, bc his business is his baby, and he's dedicated about 4 years into making it a success, forfeiting a social life completely, and that includes dating. He is extremely self-sufficient and unlike me, he is able to compartmentalize his life and readjust his priorities to make space for his career needs. He has no problem making difficult choices for long-term rewards. Now mix that with his own childhood trauma that has created abandonment issues with him. 🤦🏾‍♀️ He is of the sad opinion that everyone leaves, and it's always just a matter of time.
This is a problem, bc I also battle RSD, so when I feel his aloofness, it feels like he's so distant. This makes me feel unsafe in being vulnerable. I withdraw completely and start fighting feelings of being unwanted and neglected. It's a really difficult one bc I don't want to play in to his abandonment issues, and I also want to give him grace bc he hasn't really dealt with a woman romantically in YEARS. He has communicated this with me, so I try to keep it in mind, even tho I have to fight my own head sometimes. 😅🤦🏾‍♀️ But how do I get over these feelings? How do I communicate this with him when he has warned me over and over about what's happening in his life? It seems that his challenges are challenging both of us, and I'm honestly just scared of losing him.
Thought I was done? Lol, sorry, but no. My long-winded behind is only just about to get to the main point of this post. 🤣🤦🏾‍♀️
On the 13th May last year my 18 year old brother died in a car accident on his way back from a school event. It was an abrupt death, and was really hard on my family and me. Now, my little brother and I were extremely close, so his death is still something I grieve a lot, and I think I still bleed onto others when I am overwhelmed with emotion. A few days ago marked the 1 year anniversary of his death, and I was not in a good place at all. That night I called this guy, and he told me he was getting some work done that he needed to submit for something. In that moment and for the first time, I was really not trying to be this understanding woman for him. I needed a space to just be an emotional mess and have him listen to me. I needed comfort from him. I also just missed him; I missed him just being there for me. Maybe this was a bad idea, bc he has mentioned a little while ago that he has been failing empty and drained. 🤦🏾‍♀️
Anyway, I started bleeding onto him, was crying on the phone and talking about my brother (whom I've only really talked about with him). Now, he is the problem-solving type, so his first instinct was to advise me on how to deal with that day, I guess. Usually, I find this to be quite endearing. He always wants to show up for the people he cares about, and wants to be helpful. However, in that moment, I didn't need him to be that. I just needed him to be there for me, in a safe and comforting silence. I snapped at him, asking him not to be an advisor for once bc that's not what I needed. I could hear the pained surprise on the other end of the phone, paused, and then apologised for the way that I snapped. I continued with my rant and mid-talk, he just asked if we could talk the following day. I was taken aback by the way he wanted to conclude the conversation where I was emotionally charged and in a state of grief. It upset me so much, I dropped the call without a proper goodbye.
I spent the following day thinking about this, validating him and then validating myself over him.
He called me later that evening, wanting us to talk about what happened on the call. I was expecting him to apologise for wanting to end the call in a moment where I just needed him to be there for him. To my surprise he called to actually call me out for snapping at him and then dropping the call on him. This kick-started an argument (which is quite rare for us bc within the 9 months of us talking, this was our second argument) between us, where I guess we were both feeling unheard. At every attempt of mine to try and explain where my reaction was coming from, he would get frustrated and cut me off... he did it so often to where I was starting to wonder if he just called me to fight or there was something deeper going on with him.
Anyway, what REALLY got me in that argument was that at some point I called him out for not letting me finish my sentences. He kept intercepting while I was trying to make a point, which was crazy to me. At some point, I had to remind him that I have ADHD, so maybe I can be long-winded, but I need him to bear with me as I make my point. Well, I tried, but before I could even finish that sentence, he sighed in frustration, and exclaimed, "Jesus! This is not about your ADHD! Now we're back to your ADHD!"
I was shocked. Partly bc had he allowed me to finish that sentence, he might have gotten to hear the part where I was merely trying to remind him so that he can listen and understand me better. Not to deflect from his grievance with me. 🤦🏾‍♀️
Mostly tho, was bc I was NOT expecting that from HIM. It suddenly triggered me to my experiences in the past with people conveniently ignoring the fact that I live with ADHD, ignoring how very real my experience with it is, and how I quite literally cannot help the way my brain works. I feel like that was the most ableist thing I have ever heard coming from his mouth, and it really rocked me.
I can fully own that I was not right to snap at him, nor was I right to drop the call like that. I have apologised for this. It was the first thing I did. It's just so tricky bc my responses were triggered by his reaction to me in that moment. I was at an emotional low and maybe this is a bit entitled of me, but I was really hoping for a little more grace considering what I was so emotional about. 😔 AITA? Am I not doing enough work to manage my ADHD so that it is not causing conflict in my relationships and how I navigate them?
Please be kind. I've really fallen for this man, and want to make things right.
submitted by justanothersiya to AITAH [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 13:06 anxietybee- I have actually beat myself up at this point and I don't know how to end the friendship

A few days ago we fought from 1:30a till about 8am. We have lengthy arguments like this all the time. We used to date, and it played a key role in the end of our relationship along with us having different values in general. I made it clear before we started dating I can't handle much fighting, particularly yelling, because of aspects of my childhood.
✨️ TLDR AHEAD
Two fights happened on my two birthdays- or before other important things like it's the night before a road trip or I'm ON the road trip. They happen when I want to go to bed or I'm about to run an errand. He monologs for literal hours at a time, and I can't speak up when he speaks incorrectly on my part because then I'm interrupting him and that causes more issues than me being misunderstood or remembered incorrectly.
In our relationship they were often caused by me not wanting him to pay my for my phone/phone bill before we'd been dating for even 3 months, though they were also caused by me being late to coming over and stuff like that as well. Sometimes I'd accidentally fall asleep after work instead of coming over, if I lay down after a shower, which I did a few times as I worked very early in the morning, and it made him feel like I didn't value his time.
I didn't talk to him for a few months after we broke up, even though he tried to contact me to apologize several times by texting/phonecalls/visiting several times at my apartment. Eventually someone knocked on my door and I opened it before I realized it was him. I didn't want to turn him away so we talked and he very sincerely apologized and talked about how he'd been going to therapy. I could recognize a great deal of change in him and we caught up on eachothers lives.
I moved to a different state like a week after we got in contact and i am struggling with this long distance friendship. He wants to talk all the time and I.. don't. I enjoy texting but sometimes I want to watch a show or play a game uninterrupted, but if I don't respond enough he feels ignored. He also likes to talk on the phone all the time and I really really don't enjoy talking on the phone at all, especially for hours at a time. We talked every night for a couple weeks in the beginning. But after a bad fight i reminded him I don't like being on the phone and said I wanted some space, which had been on my mind prior to the argument. The next week we talk on the phone for like 3 nights for a few hours, and maybe a few other little calls here and there, but he says it's not enough
But the thing is.. even when we talked for hours every night and texted pretty often it still wasn't enough. The only time it was enough was a short window when I checked my phone pretty obsessively to make sure I didn't miss a message from him and always stopped what I was doing to take his call
If my snap score goes up when we're not talking he asks me about it. I don't know why but I feel uncomfortable explaining to him the other people I talk to in the day. And often I'm not even talking to them when I'm not talking to him- they send me snaps when I'm not on my phone. I don't respond to anyone unless I make sure I respond to him first to avoid this exact issue. I feel anxious when my friends snap me because I know my score will go up and he's going to ask me about it
For the most part, our fights presently revolve around him feeling like I don't care enough about our friendship or he's feeling ignored by me. But I really really don't know what to do anymore. I was talking on the phone for hours at a time, I was texting all the time and keeping my responses as long as possible.. I was planning movie days, etc. It was never enough.
He's upset my responses are getting shorter. And to be honest they have. Often times I talk about my life, especially someone else in my life, it triggers a fight. Not always in the moment but it always comes back to bite me in the butt later. Particularly if I'm hanging out with my roommate, because in my friends eyes he and I get to hang out with all time. Which we kind of don't- my time is far more devoted to my friend than my roomate. But even if it wasn't- I like hanging out with my roomate because we can quietly sit in the same room together, and we don't have any conflict. He is a very kind presence and I'm grateful to have him as a friend.
It's hard talking about your life while also revealing the bare minimum about your life, and so I'm responding kind of shortly about my things and just try to focus on him.
The fight we had a few days ago was about us not talking enough. Sort of. The reasons our fights go on for hours is because I don't know how to respond to him when he brings up an issue. I sincerely try my best and I try it all. When he brings something up I explain to him I understand his concerns, both using his exact words and in my own words I explain why he's upset. If I agree with him I will apologize and tell him how I'm going to fix it and I fix it, after we fight for a few hours ofc, because he doesn't believe I can understand/apologize and fix something so early into a conversation.
Other times he keeps pushing me to explain myself, but if I explain my pov, things really really blow up because I don't always agree with him. And I think he confuses me not agreeing with him to not understanding. One of our fights came because he was upset when I got home with my roommate at 1am, when I had a 3 hour drive at 8am the next morning. Which blows my mind, because he fought with me literally all night before I drove across the state. I didn't tell him that though, I said I didn't mind getting home till 1 because I had fun when I was out and will still get plenty of sleep. But we still fought.
✨️TLDR
Anyway... the other day he brought up he feels like we don't talk enough. And I said I understand it's hard but this is the boundary I'm setting because I don't enjoy being on the phone, but we're talking 3/4 days a week for several hours. We fight and he says that even when we do talk I'm not talking enough right now. We fight and I reluctantly told him I just don't feel comfortable opening up right now. We fight and fight and it's turning me into a person I dont know or how to control.
In the beginning of our relationship I was quiet and just agreed to everything he said to avoid the argument. This didnt always work but it tends to. Now I get so overwhelmed and angry after several hours I mute my phone and scream into my pillow. This last call I started hitting myself, which I've never done before, and the next day my cheeks were bumpy and itchy, my forehead was swollen, my scalp hurt to touch, and I'm still getting over my two black eyes. He did NOT cause me to hit myself and he doesn't know. I feel silly for doing it. But I find myself at my breaking point and I don't know how to manage these fights anymore.
After hours and hours I break down and I just start agreeing to whatever he says I'm wrong about because I want it to end. I repeat the very thing I said eight hours ago- what I'm wrong about and how I'm going to fix it, but only now after crying on the phone all night long is sort of enough.
At the end of the call he asked if our friendship was over and I said I don't know. He asks this all the time and I basically beg him to be my friend but I don't want to anymore.
He sent me a long apology the morning after the fight and said he wouldn't do it anymore. I thanked him for not wanting those fights anymore. He sent me a pic of his dog and I said she was cute. That night I let our streak die. He messaged me this morning "you let our streak die" and I sat at my phone for ten minutes thinking of how to respond and eventually I just decided not to. He called me twice tonight at around 8pm and texted that he wanted us to talk for a bit, but i had made plans with another friend of mine a week ago to play animal crossing, so I did that and didn't respond to him. At 3am I saw he was typing on snapchat and I'm anxious because I've been receiving snaps and know my score went up, even though I have sent zero snaps to keep the number as low as I can
I know he wants to be friends still
But I sort of don't want to be friends anymore???? I really love the positive things in our relationship. In a lot of ways he was the best boyfriend and best friend I've ever had. But I can't do this anymore. I hate the person I am in these fights. I know he does not control my actions, it is not his fault I scream in my pillow or gave myself black eyes. But I have never in my life had any sort of romantic or friendly relationship like this. And I don't enjoy it. I really really love not fighting with my loved ones. And I really feel like no matter what I do to make him feel heard when he brings up an issue it's not enough. Every fight we have damages our friendship, which I've told him several times. I used to get over them easily but I am just so drained I always feel wary for the next blow up.
But I don't want him to feel like I'm abandoning our friendship? I don't know how to end a friendship? I've never had one end that wasn't a result of just growing apart. I don't know what to do. Sometimes I wish I never opened my door when he came over. I'm supposed to go to my home state shortly and I'm very anxious about being in the same state as him
submitted by anxietybee- to Advice [link] [comments]


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