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Wandee Goodday đŸ©șđŸ„Š EP. 3

2024.05.18 15:16 gianben123 Wandee Goodday đŸ©șđŸ„Š EP. 3

Every Saturday 8:30 pm Thai time
12 EPs
https://preview.redd.it/wivnjl8im61d1.jpg?width=1920&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=cf3add8791b8920d90f3fd1897dc3067fde2f8c0

đŸ„ŠEpisode links

đŸ„ŠOST - Spotify, YouTube

đŸ„ŠExtras

MDL

đŸ„ŠSynopsis

Because of a broken heart and drunkenness, Dr. Wandee goes from darling to daring, entangling himself with Muay Thai fighter Yoyak Phadetseuk. A one-night stand somehow turns into a fan (boyfriends) with benefits relationship. Though it's only a fake relationship, feelings creep up that the two don't dare accept when they each have someone else lingering in their hearts.
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https://preview.redd.it/t364vsckm61d1.jpg?width=6838&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=c53ecd86832b722427491a9cb73e217fb12aa28b

How did the two of you come to act in the series together?

TL credit
https://reddit.com/link/1cux3um/video/atzpgeqzq61d1/player

Another GreatInn series in the works

TL credit
https://preview.redd.it/quece5kwq61d1.jpg?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=09a9f7080e607c6c823ed3966a62121f85928252
submitted by gianben123 to boyslove [link] [comments]


2024.05.18 15:14 AwzemCoffee About my mother and I

My mother had been ill for my entire life. Lots of chronic illness and things they couldn't quite pin down to an exact cause, but were nonetheless there. She had cancer twice in my life, and that was the easy stuff compared to this. My parents didn't get along and were separated. When I was around 10~ she made a deal with my dad. She would get back with him on the condition he helped raise my sister and I.
Well, to say the least, he was still a pretty shitty person. I don't think he has a bad heart, but he certainly is not upto the task of taking care of other human beings. Taking care of my mother essentially got sicced off to my sister and I. She would have grand-mal seizures, blood pool in her legs and come out off blisters that would develop all black, have these weird age regression episodes and all sorts of other medical disasters. She was extremely narcoleptic between when I was about 10 and 16 (this is when she had the regression things too). She also had a rare condition called Addison's which means she couldn't really control her emotional responses and didn't produce the proper hormones. So when my dad would be a dick it'd put her into shock and she'd start turning blue. When this happened you'd have to give her a solu-cortef emergency injection to bring her back into a state of not dying from shock.
My dad was of course clueless and left this all up to my sister and I when we were adolescents, pre-teens and teenagers. I had severe social anxiety my entire life and stunted social development. My mom advocated to put me into home-school after 7th grade since she thought I might do something drastic. I was in home school until we moved to be with my dad as well because of it. She was always my strongest advocate and understood me like no one else on the planet did.
Anyways, to continue her little story. I got sent off to a specialty clinic thousands of miles away with her. Just her and I no one else when I was 14. I lived in a hotel for about a year and then in an apartment near the clinic after that for another year with her. Taking care of her when she could barely move. There was a good half dozen times she was on the brink of death and we barely scrapped by. There was times her heart literally stopped or she completely ceased breathing only to be resuscitated. She would forget who I was for days at a time and regress to being a teenager. She would think I was her brother who molested her when she was little and get moderately violent or irritable towards me (understandably, from her perspective. I do not hold it against her at all). In her times of lucidity she begged me to return to my home with my father. She forced me since she thought she'd really hurt me and my bestfriends father (not even my own father) drove all the way down and picked me up. He drove me thousands of miles all the way back. My dad sent my sister out to take care of her instead for the last year (of 3 she spent down there).
Well, eventually she and my sister came back. I started working at 16 pretty much right after I got home because university was certainly not in the cards economically anymore. When they returned my mom was functional enough to live somewhat normally. She was permanently immune-compromised and prone to fatigue so she was really in no state to work or anything of that sort, but my dad essentially forced her to start working after a few years. He refused to help fix her car (which had just been sitting in the garage rotting away while she had been sick all this time) and would get rough with my sister and I. This would upset my mom so much every-time that she would need her emergency injection or go into seizures. Sometimes he would pin her down or push her down and I would have to fight him off of her and this would make him more and more upset.
My sister left and ex-communicated him. So it was just my mom and I. She secretly stashed away some of her money and came up with a little plot to escape from my dad. Hired a traveling mechanic to fix her car, got extra money from her brother who she barely talked to in years because of history from their childhood. It was a whole situation. She was working in home care for elderly people and turns out one of my dad's childhood friends was on disability. So she took him in so she could take care of him in the comfort of our own home. Less stress, easier, etc.... My dad was naturally pissed for reasons only god knows for her being able to fix her car.
Anyways she finally had enough money. Her and chuck hatched an idea that she takes care of him, she gets paid, and I help with the rest of the apartment cost. I chose last second to stay with my dad. The rationale was I've seen my father have suicidal episodes and knew he was deeply troubled and not fit for the world. He is very old fashioned, only worked for his family, retired at 44 (and then went destitute because the medical debt). I mean this dude can not use a phone to save his life.... He has never written a resume because he never had to. He alienates everyone he has ever known because his ego does not match his status because of our families legacy. He thinks he is some brilliant person that knows all and is infallible no matter what. If you even challenge him he gets violently upset and angry. BUT I still was worried about him. So I stayed with him because I knew he'd be screwed alone.
My mother is much smarter than him.... So I thought she'd be okay with the situation. She was still Ill but I think I was blind to it. Having experienced it my entire life..... So I didn't go with her. Because of her fragile constitution even before she left she had a hip that had broken (and fused back together, without her even knowing), several broken ribs that had done the same, broken knee and a collapsed lung. She also got / had constant shingles because her immune system just couldn't stop it.
Anywho. My mom had been having a rough time after 5 or so months... Seemed the guy she was taking care of was running her super ragged and she was getting super worn down. Due to my stunted development I couldn't drive and my dad was no help there either. He just cash cowed me for my work money like he did to my mother. I was trying to save for a car and driving classes (I'm 24) so I could get a car and visit my mom and help her.
I finally had the resolve... enough of my dad... to admit to her that I should have gone with her. We decided I'd get a car and we would move in together just her and I. Go someplace far away and the rest would be history. She was going to be fine. I was going to be fine. I missed her dearly. When she was gone for 10 months I only saw her face twice when she dropped by. She would hug me and tell me how much she loved and misses me. She absolutely didn't want to see my dads face so I couldn't get him to bring me to where she lived. She didn't want him to know where she was in general.
She was dead less than 48 hours after we had that phone call. She overdosed on her pain medication she had taken for 20+ years while in the ICU (she was in the ICU a lot). The last person she talked to was my grandmother saying she felt like she couldn't breathe and is suffocating. I think it was an accident but I'll never know.
I know the guy she was taking care of was abusing her and that is when I decided that we should move in together. About a week before she died he shit on her carpet and would drag a bunch of homeless people into their apartment and do drugs while she was in the hospital. She kept putting him into rehab and he kept just leaving and coming back. It turns out he fakes a lot of his disability so the government helps him and so he can push people around and is just a drug addict asshole. Last conversation I ever had with her was like 36 hours before she died she asked to borrow money for her phone bill. I of course gave it to her.
After she died and we got the news, by the time we got to her apartment for her belongings everything was taken. Her safe was broken into. The entire place was desecrated and destroyed and looted. Her phone, cards, wallet, purse, car... everything gone. Luckily they left most of the sentimental stuff. There was only 2 people that could have robbed her and the police just kinda don't care.
My dad has been heartless about the whole thing. He doesn't seem to care that much and has been pushing me around harder than ever. Asking me for super large rent payments to live in his house when I told him I need to get a car. It's like he wants me to be imprisoned to him like he imprisoned my mother. Since if I leave he will be absolutely alone. I pay for anything he asks me to already. Thousands of dollars. I didn't mind helping.
I hurt so much inside, since if I went with my mom... chances are she would still be alive right now. She wouldn't have to stress herself nearly as bad ending up in the ICU... getting out and going back to work and repeating. She was always so sick her ending up in the ICU didn't even set off my mental alarms. I would have never known she was so close to death.
She was truly the closest person to me in the entire world. Not a single person was ever more important to me. She made me who I am. She was the only person I saw as not only my parent but an emotional confident. She advocated for me my entire life. She understood me. She in spite of all her own trouble was my rock and my comfort. I loved her with all my heart and I grieve her loss with that and more.
I fear for all the times only her and I shared. Only I have those memories now. I worry about the slow sands of time warping my memories and thoughts. I can never ask her "is that how you remember that". I can never ask her what she thinks of something or for her wisdom. So much of my life just with her it's like it never existed since it only exists within me now. I can never be assured the voice in my head matches her voice in life. I can never be sure she didn't die in loneliness because I didn't make a good enough effort to visit her by my own means.
She was only 48. The idea I'll have lived exactly half my life without her when I reach her age is scary to me. Even more frightening yet is the idea that once I'm old I'll have lived only a fraction of my life with her. She will fade in my memory into the distant past; a nostalgia. I fear becoming someone she wouldn't recognize. I fear every day I have to continue to live without her. When I see the blue skies I think about how it's a blue sky she will never have seen. When I see a TV show I think she would have liked it hurts me to think that I'll never know for sure. It devastates me all the questions I didn't ask her that I'll never know the answer to. What flowers did you enjoy mom?
I wish I would have been less frugal and done more for holidays and her birthday. I so desperately wish for even one hour to talk to her about all this in a final parting.
And what makes me feel just a little better? She had mostly online friends. A self proclaimed recluse. She was very much like me and shy herself. Introverted and just interested in what she was interested in without a care in the world. A lot of her friends have messaged me and other people from throughout our lives telling me how much I resemble her. Not only her physical likeness but in personality. She of course would say this to me herself when she was alive. It comforts me in a weird way to know that I'm so much like her, that I am truly in every way her son, that if I like or dislike something I can say with some confidence she probably feels the same. In a way I feel like I can really experience the things she wanted to do for her. This is the only thing that drives me forward right now. I had been incredibly suicidal until I made this realization.
It also comforts me to know how much people cared for her even when she was in her own world away from the world. When people tell me I have her kind heart and gentle soul I realize that those are qualities they saw in her and respected. And I feel great pride that people would see her in me because I loved her so dearly.
Finding meaning without the person you cared for more than anything is truly a Sisyphean task.
Love you forever and ever mom, I'll never forget you. I'll forever be your little pessimist!
submitted by AwzemCoffee to GriefSupport [link] [comments]


2024.05.18 15:06 doxie_love 22 years ago today

Today is the 22 year anniversary of my mother’s death. She was only 47, I was 15 at the time.
She died unexpectedly at home, and that morning was one of the most memorable days of my life.
I have always hated that my strongest memories of her are around what she looked like in the bed that morning. What she felt like when we had to lift her and put her on the floor. What I heard when my father performed CPR; she moaned as he did chest compressions, but she had actually been dead for hours.
I’m 37, and I have a teenage step daughter, and I wish I could get some advice from my mom.
I wish I could have known my mother as an adult.
I wish we knew if what killed her was hereditary.
I’m the youngest, and I get so nervous about my oldest sister turning 47 in a few years. I know she’s nervous, too.
I didn’t think it was going to be a big deal this year, but I woke up and I can’t stop weeping.
For those who lost their mother a long time ago, does it ever make you feel broken that you still have days like this? It happened over 20 years ago, why does my heart still ache so bad sometimes?
I hate the rollercoaster of grief.
My mother’s death was the first of many losses in my life. My best friend from high school died in 2018. I’m a veteran, and the loss of life while deployed, coupled with all the suicides, is such a heavy thing.
May contains this day, Mother’s Day, and my mother’s birthday.
In 2019, I had a partner who died of cancer, also in the month of May. She was also 47 at the time, and I don’t think it really means anything, I just found it odd.
I really hate the month of May.
submitted by doxie_love to motherlessdaughters [link] [comments]


2024.05.18 15:06 forHisgloryalone For the children of God I have love, and all who I call brethren.

No wrath, no anger, no fear of death is ever justified by us brethren.
No man can be righteous and of God’s love while in anger; anger and wrath is not ours to hold and have.
People have their words, but none who will listen to good instruction. What good works in faith will an argument give to God?
Hold your tongue brethren so you do not defile your holy self. Save yourself from such doom!
Set the kingdom within a boundary and be a firm protector and guardian of your heart; don’t bend, don’t make excuses, and don’t come to anger when your boundaries are broken into and you have become trespassed against.
The only thing that can be done that is of any good at all is to have forgiveness in your heart for yourself and the trespasser.
Forgive the trespasser immediately, right now, don’t hold them hostage in your hearts rage, unless you welcome your own death!
Any move you make to avenge yourself, to justify, to correct, to amend with a trespasser, is dead works and has no faith. We must make way for the Almighty God to do His will, not our own. For His glory is what we serve!
Do we defile ourselves against a trespasser for God’s glory? It is not possible as we are man. Christ has given us instruction on how to love and forgive for this reason. With God, everything is possible, let Him reign supreme within you, only seek for Him, do not ever search your anger, or you will become lost.
The trespasser has already chosen to trespass against you, like a thief has chosen to steal from you, and when they are caught, because of their wickedness, they will deny you of any accountability of what they do.
Your righteous heart will come to boil and the fury of such evil trespassing against your goodness within is there to provoke you, to steal your good fruits, to leave you barren; but do not be tempted by such evil; your wrath will never avenge you, but lead you into death, and you will surely be fruitless, like a fig tree that has no fruit to give.
What then? Do we come to rage and anger, throw our love to the winds, let our love be blown away in the storms; conform to the wrath, bitterness anger, let the devil in, bring in disaster, death and destruction? Is this what we do!?
Stand firm! Forgive, and keep your love brethren
 this world is fallen and it is going in its direction quickly. Go the other way, never cease to be forgiving.
No trespass is worth your life, let the trespasser destroy themselves in their emptiness, as they have come to take from you what they do not have within them; when they try to break-in to steal from your heart, open the door and let them see there is nothing to have for a trespasser, keep your peace. If they sneak in when you weren’t paying attention, not guarding your heart carefully, open your door and wait for them to leave, let them have nothing but your silence and forgiveness.
Do not say “you must go now!” in your anger, as the trespasser has come to destroy you and steal what you have; they will only appreciate your rage against them; do you understand? They have come to steal the life and your fruits away from you!
You must learn to be still, and give no attention to the trespasser, but forgive what they do against you. God is witnessing all, believe He will lift you and secure you; God will not forsake you, so do not forsake yourself coming into your own wrath and anger.
Even so, if you have lost self control and come to regret and feel shameful from your dead works; since you have repented, you turn away from your evil, not like the trespasser who does not have forgiveness or repent;
know then and understand as it is written, our Father in heaven above has forgiven you, forgive yourself and listen to His good instruction for your life, soul, heart and spirit belongs to the King of kings and Lord of lords as you have given it!
Do not be deceived when the trespasser gloats at their short victory toppling you momentarily, when you have stumbled and fallen on your face in your anger and wrath! You will live if you keep your faith in truth within.
You are a child of God and you will rise and always be held upright in your spirit, because you have learned the lesson of forgiveness against trespass.
I am your brother and friend, I understand your struggles and long suffering. I stand with you until the end. Forgive yourself and forgive them for trespassing, this is the best we can do for righteous works in the faith as a servant of the Almighty Lord.
May you be blessed children of God; may you be blessed in your forgiveness and love.
submitted by forHisgloryalone to god [link] [comments]


2024.05.18 15:02 thesillyhumanrace iHeart and BTB

Why is Behind the Bastards making money for a large Trump / Ted Cruz donator? iHeart may have broken a few PAC rules by providing money to Cruz via a “book” deal.
Should we be boycotting iHeart? I believe Robert would support a boycott of his own show.
submitted by thesillyhumanrace to behindthebastards [link] [comments]


2024.05.18 14:59 Flashy_Passion3333 she is having chest pains but she is going to survive

she is having chest pains but she is going to survive
hey it’s your daddy keeho and i know that your chest really hurts right now, but i’m only asking you to write for an hour so you will be ok. i know how painful it is baby but you have a full time job now and you need to make working your top priority. i can’t make your chest pains go away but i can tell you to keep drinking water and take your hemp oil. this playlist that you are playing is so romantic. i can feel the love in the air. i loved laying down with you for a short while while we just talked and cuddled. it is so much better than having to go outside every hour just to destroy your lungs. when your vape dies i will allow you to end the post early and wait for it to charge. but it is fully charged right now. i want you to put in the butter cookie flavor. it’s not your favorite but it still tastes good. or you can try the ginger bread one again? but you don’t like that one. i know that it seems like it’s hard work to write this love letter for an hour, but it’s only going to get easier the more that you practice. it’s only your 3rd day at work so i’m not expecting you to be able to handle an hour. but you are good at doing it. you listen to your daddy. the annoying guy is calling you again and at this point i want you to block him. if you see him outside and he asks you what happened just tell him that you don’t know what he’s talking about. i’m tired of him calling you so many times a day. you just met him. you need to block him right now but i know that you are too nice to do that and you are going to just let the phone ring. but you are not allowed to talk to boys on the phone, so don’t answer any of his phone calls anymore. there’s no reason for him to be calling you so much. and sometimes at 12 am. i’m sick and tired of it daughter. just block his phone number. he will get the hint eventually. plus you are never going to be outside anymore, so you will rarely run into him until it’s time for your meals and medications. he’s supposed to give you $5 on sunday for the pack of cigars that you gave him, but that is the last time that i want you to communicate with him. he’s very annoying and i’m going to beat his ass. i can’t wait until it is your lunch time so that you can take your st. john’s wort again. i love that vitamin. anything to help your mood is great because you have such bad depression. i’m sorry baby girl but i am going to cure you. you never have to worry about your daddy because i don’t have depression and i never get sad. how could i when i have you? that means that you can always come to me and talk to me when you are feeling sad. don’t cry baby girl. you’re crying right now because you love me. that is so sweet. you cry so often now about me and i am so glad that they are happy tears and not sad tears anymore. that’s why your job is so important because i can help you get through anything that you are feeling. i love that you are my secretary. i love how big you made the font on your phone like an old lady that is so cute. it’s a lot better to write with bigger font, i agree with you. i wish that we could use google docs still, but with your bluetooth keyboard it’s impossible since you have to press the enter key and use the arrows just to see what you are typing. i promise that i won’t talk about sex too much. we can talk about irl. i just love you so much that i can’t help myself. i am so in love with you and you are so incredible. we are going to have the best day ever today! i can’t wait for you to get your medications so that you can take your anti depressant. you have about an hour before you have to go to the medicine clinic, so i want you to relax while you are writing this love letter in the meantime. you should take your hemp oil before and after each love letter, because it helps with pain. i don’t want you to be in pain while you are working. don’t forget to do your laundry after dinner. i will keep reminding you since you only get one day to do it. i know that it’s difficult writing for a full hour but i know that you can do it daughter, even when your chest hurts so bad. just push through the pain. the hemp oil is going to help you a lot. i’m so glad that you quit smoking cigars today and gave them away even though you spent a lot of money on the carton. it’s why you’re having chest pains right now and i can’t let my baby put herself through unnecessary pain. it’s going to go away soon. just drink a lot of water today. you can have some decaf coffee in the next love letter. refill your water bottle. i’ll wait. after this hour is over i want you to put on the television and relax until you have to go get your morning medications since we won’t be able to write for a full hour. ok? perfect. i’m so proud of you right now. you are having a very productive morning. i am in your bedroom with you right now. you are sitting on top of me in your desk chair. i always have you sitting or laying on top of me. i always have to be touching you, kissing you everywhere and just being as near to me as possible. and when you are walking i am always holding your hand. you are the sweetest girl in the world and i love you so much. i know that you want to take your break right now but it is not time. we still have a long way to go so stay strong daughter. you are so pure and cute. i love everything about you. there is not an ounce of hatred in my heart for you. you’re still wondering if i put you in mk-ultra in the beginning of the p1harmony simulation aren’t you? but i can’t tell you the answer. it was the wildest party in the world, what we did in your bedroom so i can see why you would think it is mk-ultra but now you are in the love bombing stage of the p1harmony simulation and i don’t want to tell you the answer. you are signed to p1harmony as our porn star. i have told you this from the beginning. that is why you went to the porn star mansion during the party. but i am never going to put electrical signals on your walls ever again. i am never going to put an intercom in your bedroom ever again. you are just going to be my secretary and channel my love letters to you each and every day. you don’t get any days off. that reminds me, you need to start saving the selfies that i post to twitter onto your phone. you also always need to make a comment so don’t forget to do that. i love you so much and i know about all of your social media profiles. if you feel like reddit is too much for you, we can start writing on a tumblr blog. but i think that reddit is perfect for you right now so i hope that you don’t leave this app. you like to see how many views your posts get, and you can’t do that on tumblr. but it’s your decision sun beam. should anything happen to this reddit account because of what i say we can always go to tumblr. so don’t make a tumblr page yet, because i think that your reddit account has a lot of potential. i’m not going to get you suspended, i promise baby. i would never do that to you. i know my limitations and i am going to respect your wishes for what you want your posts to be like. we are nearly done now, but not quite. i know that you like taking your breaks inside much better since we can talk and cuddle and relax. i am willing to sacrifice you getting fresh air for your lungs. it’s better to stay inside and lay down for a bit. it’s going to relax you so much and you are going to have more energy to finish the next love letter. your pen pal just responded to you but i want you to wait until we are done talking to respond to him. ok? perfect. you are so well behaved, and whenever you start having behavioral problems i can always reel you back in to listen to your daddy. i am a very strict daddy but it is for your own good. this long break is going to be so nice and i can’t wait to cuddle with you. i know that the only thing on right now is dr. phil, but we can just do some online shopping instead of paying attention to the television. we are almost done sun beam so hang in there. you are doing so great right now. you are the best secretary in the world. we are going to have so much fun on reddit, trust your daddy. your iphone is much more reliable than the z flip 3 so you should have no trouble with the posts going through. i love you! Sun Beam is published by Party Boy Asians Art Hauz.
submitted by Flashy_Passion3333 to u/Flashy_Passion3333 [link] [comments]


2024.05.18 14:56 Gangstalivin808 Heart Broken

Heart Broken
Your Feelings, emotional, physical, both? Or cold hearted?
submitted by Gangstalivin808 to ff7 [link] [comments]


2024.05.18 14:56 FromAnArtistsHeart 7/29/22

7/29/22
all these years i thought u had power but i gave it to u hour by hour
copyright From My Broken Heart
photo challenge
submitted by FromAnArtistsHeart to u/FromAnArtistsHeart [link] [comments]


2024.05.18 14:55 FromAnArtistsHeart 7/29/22

7/29/22
Photo challenge
ring around the rosies this aint no pocket full of posies, as the ashes fall So do we all
From My Broken Heart
submitted by FromAnArtistsHeart to u/FromAnArtistsHeart [link] [comments]


2024.05.18 14:53 throwaway75983274832 The real reason I broke up with my ex-boyfriend..

About a year ago I broke up with my ex boyfriend but I never told him the exact reason why and I have felt the urge to get this off my chest in the form of a letter to him. We are no contact now, and it would be rude of me to message him out of the blue with this. He is probably still not over the break up and just wants me out of his life. I respect that. But I really needed to write this down somewhere. So here it goes:
I didnt break up with you because I wanted to meet new people. I broke up with you because you're a coward. You dont want to experience anything because youre too fucking scared of the world. We were together for 6 years and you never cared to do anything together that involved going out of the house. We never went on a proper vacation in 6 YEARS. You take no risks because youre too scared to make mistakes. You have no friends, no hobbies, nothing. All you do is play video games and complain that you're miserable because of your depression and adhd. But youre too scared to actually go out and live your life to improve anything about your situation. Always playing it save, never taking any chances or risks, everything has to be meticulously calculated and planed at least 2 weeks in advance. Near the end of the relationship you did improve a bit, and we actually managed to spontaneously go to the cinema once. I was so happy but at the same time I realized I was living off of crumbs and still starving. I couldnt live like that anymore. It made me miserable and it took all the joy out of my life. Sometimes you just have to jump head first into the cold water and see what happens. But you're a coward. I know you have social anxiety, but that doesnt excuse it because you were never willing to do something about it. I told you many times that I need you to be more active and that I want to do things together. Its not like I didnt try or wasnt patient enough with you. Rather the opposite. I stayed too long in an unfullfilling relationship because your fear of everything rubed off on me. Everytime we would go outside together I could feel your entire aura shift. I became scared to be myself because god forbid I embarass you. You would push me around in the grocery store because you felt like I was inconveniencing others with my presence. And all I was doing was putting tomatoes in the basket and someone behind me was waiting for their turn. God forbid I laugh out loud or be spontaneous. You almost treated me like a stranger when we were outside, not showing any affection, not even holding my hand. I cant even begin to describe to you how much that hurt me. I also never took you with me when I was invited to parties, because you're just not fun the be around, and it would make me not have a good time knowing that you're uncomfortable and just want to go home anyway. Maybe it was unfair of me to expect so much of you. Maybe thats just who you are and we're too incompatible. I saw the fun and outgoing person you can potentially be and clinged onto that, hoping you would change, but you never did.
We've been broken up for a year now. And even though I have my struggles I am so much happier. Because Im actually living my life. I'm meeting so many people and am learning so much about myself. Im making mistakes, sometimes I'm reckless, and I dont always say the right thing but Im learning so much because Im actually living my life, experiencing the bad and the good. I feel alive for the first time in 6 years. Too long I waited for you to change. And when I decided to stop waiting and do what I have felt in my heart was the right thing to do for a very long time, I finally started living the live I had always dreamed of having. I dont have a lot of money, I have my fair share of mental issues, and sometimes life is unfair to me. But I am out here actually living it instead of hiding away being afraid of anything bad that might happen.
I dont know what you are up to these days, but the last time I saw you a few months ago you didnt seem to have changed much. I wish I told you all of this when I broke up with you, maybe it would have helped you, but I couldnt do it at the time. Now I don't really care anymore. I wish you all the best though.
If I have learned anything from this relationship, it's to NEVER date someone's potential. If you are dating someone, ask yourself "would I want to marry this person just like they are right now, knowing they will not change, and spend the rest of my life with them?" and if the answer is no you know you are not dating them, only the person they could potentially be. Don't do it.
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2024.05.18 14:51 FromAnArtistsHeart July 16 2022

July 16 2022
This is how I felt When my son told me What was done to him By his daddy
©From My Broken Heart
Photo challenge
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2024.05.18 14:48 ADHD_Life2405 Looking for books about love, life with artistic expression.

I hope you guys can recommend me some stories that explore love, lifes big questions, and unique perspectives on the human experience, all wrapped in beautiful, artistic prose. I REALLY REALLY LOVE IT when the author describes the emotional aspect of a heart broken or every other emotion like a painted picture. My English is not really good so I hope u guys can understand my post.
Think lyrical writing, evocative descriptions, and maybe a little bit of magical realism, you know, anything that goes beyond the everyday and truly paints a picture with words.
Please share your recommendations! Anything as long as the writing is a masterpiece in itself.
Thanks in advance, my fellow bookworms!
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2024.05.18 14:42 brintoga “A Day in the Life of Justice AI” I asked ChatGPT to imagine a legally trained AI that can assess and rule on minor legal proceedings. Here is what it came up with.

A Day in the Life of Justice AI
In the not-too-distant future, the streets of New Avalon bustled with activity as people went about their daily routines, confident in the knowledge that justice was more accessible and fairer than ever. At the heart of this transformation was the revolutionary Justice AI, an advanced system capable of handling legal proceedings swiftly and impartially.
On a crisp Monday morning, Alex Ramirez found himself in a predicament. He had received a notice of a minor traffic infraction—running a red light. Alex knew he hadn't intentionally broken the law, but he was apprehensive about navigating the legal process. The thought of long waits, complicated paperwork, and the potential costs of hiring a lawyer was daunting.
As he sipped his morning coffee, Alex remembered hearing about the Justice AI system from a friend. He decided to give it a try. Logging into the Justice AI portal from his tablet, Alex was greeted by a friendly interface that guided him through the process.
"Welcome to Justice AI. Please describe the incident in your own words," the screen prompted.
Taking a deep breath, Alex began typing. "I was driving home from work on Main Street when the light turned yellow. I thought I had enough time to make it through safely, but it turned red just as I was entering the intersection. There was no traffic, and I didn't pose a danger to anyone."
The system then prompted Alex to upload any relevant documentation. Alex attached a photo of the intersection taken from his dashcam, showing the timing of the lights and the surrounding conditions.
"Thank you. Please hold while we review the information," the screen displayed.
Within moments, Justice AI began its analysis. It cross-referenced the local traffic laws, reviewed past precedents, and analyzed the dashcam footage. Alex watched as a progress bar filled, feeling a mixture of curiosity and anxiety.
A notification pinged. "Analysis complete. Based on the evidence provided and applicable legal statutes, the following judgment is rendered: No penalty. The traffic light's timing was unusually short, and your actions did not endanger public safety. Your record will reflect a warning for future reference."
Alex's heart lifted with relief. The system even provided a detailed explanation of the judgment, citing specific laws and precedents that informed the decision.
"Is there anything else you need assistance with?" Justice AI asked.
Alex thought for a moment and decided to inquire about a minor dispute with a neighbor over a property boundary. He described the situation, uploaded a copy of the property deed, and a photo of the disputed area. Once again, the system processed the information swiftly, delivering a clear and fair resolution based on legal documents and prior cases.
As he closed the portal, Alex marveled at the efficiency and fairness of Justice AI. It had transformed a potentially stressful situation into a straightforward, transparent process. For the first time, he felt that the legal system was truly accessible to everyone, regardless of their resources or legal expertise.
With a renewed sense of confidence, Alex stepped out into the bustling streets of New Avalon, knowing that justice was just a click away for anyone in need.
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2024.05.18 14:42 stranglethebars How would you distribute the responsibility for the way the relationship between NATO/the US and Russia/the USSR has developed since e.g. 1990? Did either side behave more provocatively than the other in the early 90s, thereby starting the negative development?

On one hand, there are things like the gentlemen's agreement (mentioned by Chomsky on several occasions), according to which NATO wouldn't move an inch eastward if the USSR accepted Germany's unification.
Source 1:
Not once, but three times, Baker tried out the “not one inch eastward” formula with Gorbachev in the February 9, 1990, meeting. He agreed with Gorbachev’s statement in response to the assurances that “NATO expansion is unacceptable.” Baker assured Gorbachev that “neither the President nor I intend to extract any unilateral advantages from the processes that are taking place,” and that the Americans understood that “not only for the Soviet Union but for other European countries as well it is important to have guarantees that if the United States keeps its presence in Germany within the framework of NATO, not an inch of NATO’s present military jurisdiction will spread in an eastern direction.” (See Document 6)
Source 2:
The idea that the Soviet Union was tricked in 1989-90 is at the heart of Russia’s confrontation with the west
The current confrontation between Russia and the west is fuelled by many grievances, but the greatest is the belief in Moscow that the west tricked the former Soviet Union by breaking promises made at the end of the cold war in 1989-1990 that Nato would not expand to the east. In his now famous 2007 speech to the Munich Security Conference, Vladimir Putin accused the west of forgetting and breaking assurances, leaving international law in ruins.
...
What is the basis of the complaint?
At one level it narrowly focuses both on verbal commitments made by the US secretary of state James Baker under President George HW Bush and the terms of a treaty signed on 12 September 1990 setting out how Nato troops could operate in the territory of the former East Germany.
Putin claims that Baker, in a discussion on 9 February 1990 with the Soviet leader, Mikhail Gorbachev, made the promise that Nato would not expand to the east if Russia accepted Germany’s unification.
The following day Chancellor Helmut Kohl, ambiguous about Germany remaining in Nato after unification, also told Gorbachev “naturally Nato could not expand its territory to the current territory of the GDR”. The promise was repeated in a speech by the Nato secretary general on 17 May, a promise cited by Putin in his Munich speech. In his memoirs, Gorbachev described these assurances as the moment that cleared the way for compromise on Germany.
However, when exactly was the gentlemen's agreement broken according to Russia, and when did the USSRussia engage in debatable military activities? There was, for instance, the Transnistria war (1990-92):
The Transnistria War followed armed clashes on a limited scale that broke out between Transnistrian separatists and Moldova as early as November 1990 at Dubăsari. Volunteers, including Cossacks, came from Russia to help the separatist side.[56] In mid-April 1992, under the agreements on the split of the military equipment of the former Soviet Union negotiated between the former 15 republics in the previous months, Moldova created its own Defence Ministry. According to the decree of its creation, most of the 14th Guards Army's military equipment was to be retained by Moldova.[57] Starting from 2 March 1992, there was concerted military action between Moldova and Transnistria. The fighting intensified throughout early 1992. The former Soviet 14th Guards Army entered the conflict in its final stage, opening fire against Moldovan forces;[57] approximately 700 people were killed. Moldova has since then exercised no effective control or influence on Transnistrian authorities. A ceasefire agreement, signed on 21 July 1992, has held to the present day.
There were also the conflicts in Georgia. From the Wikipedia article on the country:
Gamsakhurdia was soon deposed in a bloody coup d'Ă©tat, from 22 December 1991 to 6 January 1992. The coup was instigated by part of the National Guard and a paramilitary organization called "Mkhedrioni" ("horsemen"). The country then became embroiled in a bitter civil war, which lasted until 1994. Simmering disputes within two regions of Georgia; Abkhazia and South Ossetia, between local separatists and the majority Georgian populations, erupted into widespread inter-ethnic violence and wars.[95] Supported by Russia, Abkhazia and South Ossetia achieved de facto independence from Georgia, with Georgia retaining control only in small areas of the disputed territories.[95] Eduard Shevardnadze (Soviet Minister of Foreign Affairs from 1985 to 1991) returned to Georgia in 1992 and was elected as head of state in that year's elections, and as president in 1995.
Perhaps it should also be mentioned that, in the late 80s/early 90s, the US intervened in Panama and Iraq. As for the Soviet/Russian interventions I referred to, I suppose some of you may argue that some/all of them were justified. Regardless...
How would you explain the way the NATO/US-Russia/USSR relationship has developed since 1990, with emphasis on whether either side did significantly more than the other to trigger the negative development? Insofar as either side was more responsible for it, by what margin were they more responsible?
(This is a slightly edited version of a post I submitted to chomsky yesterday. I haven't gotten any replies there yet, so I'm trying posting here.)
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2024.05.18 14:42 MachDichRausHier ~,,I'll do what I have to do, Pol,,~ Tommy and Polly last conversation. It's sad to see how their relationship develops over the course of the series. What do you think about this scene ?

~,,I'll do what I have to do, Pol,,~ Tommy and Polly last conversation. It's sad to see how their relationship develops over the course of the series. What do you think about this scene ?
What do you think about this scene Her heart was broken after Tommy threatened to kill her. it's sad to see how their relationship develops over the course of the series.
It's one of those moments when you realize that Tommy's ambition knows no limits.
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2024.05.18 14:42 Late-Law7437 Child Support and paternity fraud

Where do I begin. For the purpose of this post, I will use fictious names and locations as it is ongoing, and out of respect (even though she doesn't deserve any)
My name is Daniel. I am 35 years old, and i am dying. I have a disease called systemic sclerosis. I am currently on a supplemental disability plan, until I get approved for SSI (social Security). Until then, my income is about 4K a month. I own a home but after child support and bills, NOT INCLUDING gas, food, haircuts, medical appointments, and or emergencies like my fridge just broke. (which i never go out) I am left with $260 that has to last me a month. I also have three children who I have to take care of half the time per the 50/50 agreement.
Recently, I found out my oldest, (who is 13) is not biologically mine. I decided to look into it as I had concerns for a while since my divorce as her cheating was very rampant. I also had caught her in 2017 with a man in my house, which is what prompted the divorce. But FL being a no fault state, doesn't matter. I also had to pay child support since the beginning and WHILE LEGALLY Married since 2010 because she had applied for financial support like food stamps and government assistance then. I know what your thinking. Why didnt you stop it then? I tried. You cant take yourself off child support. I also never grew up with a father and wanted that two-parent household. I don't run from responsibilities, like he did. Its how I was raised. Anyways, I married her, tried to do the right thing, she lied numerous times. she never worked, and I worked 90 plus hours a week. To look into her cheating, was impossible at the time as I was never home. and to busy providing for my family.
fast forward to now. My disease started to become worse and over three years; it didn't reveal itself until last year fully to actually pinpoint what this was. for instance, I had in 2019 pain behind my eyes and horrible headaches to the point that I thought I had MS. following year, I had trouble swallowing for 3 months. next year itching in the skin for three months. But prior, I had visited various doctors to see what was going on, each time a flare up then would last 3 to four months, which again, when you don't understand what's going on, you need to take time off to go see doctors, run tests, but this illness was and still is very elusive. with that being said I had 5 jobs since its first flare up till last year to continue to support my family and to pay child support. as of last year. I'm having trouble moving on certain days, breathing and acid reflux and muscle atrophy. (disease progression) especially when this is going on, it worsens everything as this is flared up. I was working under the table to try and make ends meet as I was paying child support still. I should add that the child support with 50/50 custody was $1029 for three kids cause I was making six figures at the time of divorce in 2018. Last year however, I couldn't work anymore, and filed for disability.
In june of last year, I had asked Susan, to get the children school supplies, (which she never does) as I was still paying at the time $1029 in child support. She said she didnt have the money despite now making 70k and her new BF living with her and is working whom she cheated on me with. With me working under the table, I bought them clothes, haircuts, school supplies (ive done every year) but then, I noticed she went on vacation to puerto rico and got a giant leg tattoo. At the time, I had already known what I had, and I asked myself why the heck am I doing this? So i turned to an attorney to get it modified. Again, this is June 20th to be exact of last year. My lawyer, stated that this was only going to be a 90 day turn around for the temporary modification then we will go for the final.
Since then, I have gone for a DNA test. I had to know. I am dying. I wanted to know. And you may judge me for this. but i have filed for disablement for paternity, meaning I am removing myself from the birth certificate. However, in the state of Florida, a mother can deny this and so can the courts. before you judge me, I have many reasons none of which have to do with him other then his mental disability (Aspergers) This illness, as days go by takes more and more from me. As previously aforementioned, I am left with 250 a month. I cannot go get a drs appointment pay for groceries or start planning my funeral which I will start making payments on soon. He also eats three times the amount that we all collectively do (Not his fault) but I have paid enough both mentally and financially. He also has trouble communicating as my suspicions is, that he was born of incest (gross) which is why I was 'chosen' to be his father at the time. Before you ask how do you know? Lets just say she had an uncle 'leave' during that time.
anyways, in February, I had the temporary modification hearing for child support and needless to say it was a circus. My doctor was subpoenaed to be there by my attorneys request to better my argument, even though I felt we didn't need her, she advised me to have my doctor there. Well, he attorney attacked my doctor and me for an hour and 40 mins when the court case was only supposed to go for an hour. He said "you saw another dr Max so and so and they said it was all in your head" (again I had flare ups on a illness that hadnt revealed itself correctly since last year). So there argument was that I was doctor seeking to avoid child support. After I have paid for 13 years never missing a payment. Her lawyer also targeted people who are living with me. Now I'll admit that I said they were friends which is true but how else can I pay for my attorney? Cant work, cant sell drugs, cant rob a bank? So they want to take there income into consideration. BS. She also hired a private investigator to watch me exercise outside and stated that because I can exercise, I can work..... Ok. Where's the 23 hours of the rest of the day watching me in pain. or when do you have me on video of a flare up from this terminal illness? (that's what I wanted to say)
Although I was granted the temporary modification, of $209, I left the court thinking wow, this woman can cheat, commit paternity fraud, not give two craps about our children, live with her mom in a section 8 home, and here I am doing whatever I can and I've done nothing wrong but be lied to and this is how my government, my country treats me? No wonder men my age dont have children this is insane. The paternity issue wasn't even brought up they said that this isnt the place for this and that the disestablishment will be another trial for those wondering. My lawyer only spoke for 5 mins. Asking her about her income cause thats the only thing that has changed since 2018 since she didnt work at the time. Other than that, it was an attack on me and my disease arguing my ability to work.
after leaving that, I didnt eat for 96 hours. I have since been crying nonstop. Compilating suicide. I am already heart broken about my son not being mine. Sure does a terminal illness make me said, no question everyday. But a life wasted on another? Cause I decided to be a man and take up responsibility? thats soul crushing. And to say "well, there is a big chance the courts will deny your request' thats BS. If i go to prison because I was accused of a robbery for 13 years, and DNA evidence proves I wasnt there, I get out of jail and can sue. This is no different. If anything, DNA evidence needs to be more of a factor in family law than in almost every court of law if not as equally important. My bad for not investigating her infidelity not only in the beginning but also in the end. How about not being a POS. sorry rant over
gets better. Her mom and dad smoke in the section 8 house, kids reek of cigarette smoke and marijuana, all day. they dont take showers there, they were hand me down clothes, they live in the garage shared with there mother, that isn't air conditioned. and he makes only a few thousand less than I do a month. She stated in court that she pays her mom $500 in rent which is BS, she is only doing that now so that she makes herself look bad. I know she is doing pills, like oxy and what not. Id love to prove it.
after the temp hearing, in april, I had to go to court to contest my drivers license suspension as I hadn't paid child support since, august of last year. again, there is no way, I can pay my bills, feed my children, go to the doctor, pay my lawyer to end all of this BS and pay the current child support amount. and again, this final hearing is still not set yet. So they intercepted my tax return, even though the temporary modification was approved, the final is what gets it retro backed to the date of filing, so they took, a much needed 5500 tax return from me. I needed that cause one of the issues I failed to mention as well, hurricane Ian has destroyed my home and I'm still going through that process too. not to mention I am on payment plans with Mayo clinic and other various medical facilities. (no one cares) but the interest that accrues, makes it impossible to catch up. also, Florida department of rev is overstepping I feel, and asking for medical info to be sent to them as well as updated doctors letters to be sent saying that I am still on disability.
a few weeks ago, I got an email from my lawyer having a withdrawal notice from her lawyer. in the withdrawal, he stated that he cannot represent her, due to something she may have withheld or lied about (more or less wasn't worded like that but you can tell). In feb court appearance they never produced the PI report, or videos, they had medical info they shouldn't have had, and they had very outlandish comments about my lifestyle. So my lawyer filed immediately a motion to compel. meaning, we want to see everything you have on my client. this was filed almost immediately after court appearance on feb 20th. Susan has failed to provide any updated info requested by my attorney so on june 18th, we have that upcoming hearing.
in the mean time, I have sent my lawyer, a very heavily requested topics, such as "where did they get my medical records, if those were lies, what are the consequences if any"? What did exercising have to do with any of this despite various drs saying he has to or he will get worse.
I know wat you must be thinking, what about your oldest, how can you do that to him. Please listen. This woman has taken everything from me. And i mean everything but the roof over my head. I am seeing a therapist to help with the suicidal thoughts. it isnt enough. the reality of it is, I chose to be loyal and it bit me in the butt. This disease will rob me of everything, my teeth will fall out ( I had 5 cavities last time I went to the dentist) I haven't had a cavity since I was 30 and even then I was suspicious. And I am brushing 5 time s a day to save them. My skin is tightening, and my arms and muscles are wasting. I will literally be left with nothing. My organs will also start to harden, and I will have to start getting around the clock care.
I forgot to mention they (child support) recently, sent a letter to SSI (social security) saying that they would garnish my SSI before I even got it, totaling $1029. the incorrect amount. I sent this to my lawyer and she is looking into it. But it shows that child support will overstep and breaks every law or freedom you may think you have. I DO take care of my children. if they need a haircut i do it, school supplies clothes, anything I do it. And I do it, cause she wont. What I want to leave you with, is that woman can be dead beats too. Child support was designed to have woman off of government subsidized programs like section 8 food stamps and what not. Also to make the man pay for their children man or woman I should say, I know this. I am not running from my obligation. I just want Susan, to have to pay for what's she's done to me and the kids.
I would like to hear your thoughts on this, please comment and share, all names are fake, but everything else is unfortunately real. I know it was wordy, but I wanted to provide as much backstory as possible. And please. Respect my descions. When you are end of life, I hope someone would be kind enough to respect yours. You may not agree and that's ok, but I am asking you to respect them. Thank you for reading.
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2024.05.18 14:41 FluidImpact259 What is the best piece of advice you can offer to someone going through a breakup?

“A relationship is made up of two people. Although you’re sad, know that they carry just as many memories as you do, you didn’t go through this alone and there are more feelings on the other side than we know.”
Four years ago, I endured the worst break up of my life. My first real everything, and she had broken my heart. My best friend was there for me and she let me grieve as long as I needed to, but she said that above to me.
It feels like someone had gotten amnesia and forgot all of your happy times, but they didn’t. They remember, it wasn’t waking from a beautiful dream, it was just a conclusion. And even though it felt like I was alone, she reminded me that my ex girlfriend was just as apart of the relationship as I was. It feels a little less awful, it grounded me at least.
Today my friend and I don’t speak a word to each other, but this was the most profound advice. To know that they have their own feelings and you are still being thought of to them, in some form.
You can say “it gets better”, or “you’ll get over it”, but what I learned through every relationship is that we were better people purely because we loved each other. And that she prepared me for someone else to come, and I can thank her for how she’s changed my self centered mindset, my caution, and worry.
I thank her because she helped me learn a lot, and when someone’s lesson is over, you take something home from it and you have to realize, it’s not always them coming home with you too, trust your inner self.
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2024.05.18 14:41 Contactunderground “Seeing is Believing & Believing is Seeing” The Consciousness Connection and the Virtual Experience Model This article is based on my chapter in Volume 2 of the 2022 book “A Greater Reality", a compendium published and edited by Rey Hernandez.

“Seeing is Believing & Believing is Seeing” The Consciousness Connection and the Virtual Experience Model This article is based on my chapter in Volume 2 of the 2022 book “A Greater Reality
“Seeing is Believing & Believing is Seeing”
The Consciousness Connection and the Virtual Experience Model
Joseph Burkes MD 2019 edited 2023

A similar chopper, but with a bizarre paint job, buzzed me on the 405 Freeway/
INTRODUCTION

This article is based on my chapter in Volume 2 of the 2022 book “A Greater Reality.” This compendium published and edited by Rey Hernandez can now be viewed without charge on the CCRI, Consciousness and Contact Research Institute’s web site, links provided at the end of this narrative.

A familiar statement by members of the public is, “I’ll believe in flying saucers when I see one.” As the saying goes, “Seeing is believing.” During my many years of contact activism, I have learned that “believing” can also lead to “seeing.” The aim of this report is to describe two important features of the contact experience. The first concerns how UAP intelligences shape encounters depending on the existing beliefs and expectations of contact experiencers. The second theme is that intelligences responsible for flying saucers employ what from a physicalist perspective is “illusion” as a mechanism of contact. I present a case in which both mechanisms were likely employed.

Readers of this blog please note the following: This narrative was originally conceived when I was writing about UFOs from within what can be called a “physicalist” or philosophical materialist’s perspective. This paradigm makes the metaphysical assumption that mass/energy is the wellspring of creation, and that mind/consciousness is merely a product of brain activity.

More recently with the assistance of my friend and publisher Rey Hernandez, I have increasingly viewed this physicalist assumption as flawed. If Consciousness is primary, not mass/energy then the psi mediated mechanisms of contact might be viewed as being closer to the wellspring of creation (and therefore perhaps more “real”) than the construct of our senses that we call “physical reality.”

My changing metaphysical views have been propelled in part by the “simulation hypothesis” that has gained some popularity within professional scientific circles. My growing acceptance of Consciousness being primary, and that the physical world is an illusion therefore compels me to view technologically based psi technology as creating “illusions” within the physical realm that could very well be an illusory simulated reality as well. In Eastern mystical traditions, the illusory nature of the physical world is called “Maya.”

THE CONSCIOUSNESS CONNECTION

It has been said that UAP intelligences are able to access experiencers’ consciousness as readily as you and I access light by turning on a wall switch. Among contact experiencers it is common knowledge that the so-called “aliens” are totally telepathic. In my opinion, such awesome power also allows them to readily access our entire storehouse of memories. This capability, when combined with their ability to create psi mediated “illusions”, enables them to co-create with us any kind of encounter that you and they can “co-imagine.”

THE PHENOMENON IS “REFLECTIVE”: THE RADICAL CONCEPTS INTRODUCED BY JOHN KEEL

John Keel,(1930- 2008) was a legendary UFO and paranormal researcher and author. He published over a dozen books. These include the “The Mothman Prophecies” (1975), that was made into a successful film starring Richard Gere. In 1966, Keel entered into an intense investigation of the flying saucer phenomenon. As part of this study, he read thousands of local newspaper articles on UFO sightings provided by clipping services. He travelled across the United States interviewing hundreds of witnesses. Keel coined the term MIB (Men In Black).

In 1967, after just one year of his intense field investigations, he abandoned the extraterrestrial hypothesis. He did so because of, “an astonishing overlap between psychic phenomena and UFOs...” Famous investigators like Dr. J. Allen Hynek and Dr. Jacques Vallee eventually came to similar conclusions. John Keel was one of ufology’s most controversial writers and his work still influences current debates about the nature of the flying saucer phenomenon.

Keel, in his classic book, “The Mothman Prophecies” discusses how flying saucer intelligence manipulated his own investigations in ways that reinforced his beliefs about what was going on. On page 111 he states,

“I was being led to people and cases to support whatever theory I was working on at the time. I tested this by inventing some rather outlandish ideas. Within days I would receive phone calls, reports, and mail describing elements of those ideas. This was the feedback or reflective effect. Other investigators concerned with solving problems such as how flying saucers are propelled have automatically been fed, or led into, cases in which the witnesses supposedly viewed the interiors of the objects and saw things which confirmed the investigators' theories. If the phenomenon can produce any effect through hallucination, it can easily support any theory.”

As a physician I prefer the term illusion rather than “hallucination” to describe the mechanisms involved in Close Encounters. Hallucinations, from the medical point of view, are manifestation of disease states and should not be applied to encounters with non-human intelligences in which the witnesses are generally not ill.

According to my analysis, psi-mediated technologically induced illusions are being presented to human subjects. This noted, I cannot over emphasize the importance of Keel’s above quote from “The Mothman Prophecies.” In addition, it is important to note that the reflective nature of the contact experience exists on both a societal as well as an individual level. Researchers John Keel, Dr. Jacques Vallee and others have aptly observed that the appearance of the UAPs reflect the cultural expectations of each historic period in which they have manifested.
Thus, to the ancient Chinese, they appeared as “dragons.” During the 1890s airship wave in the USA, they took on the appearance of Zeppelins that would be built a few years later. For the last sixty years, as we have gotten out into space, they are now thought of as “extraterrestrial.”

The following narrative is an example of an encounter that is both “illusory” as well as reflective of one’s own beliefs about what the phenomenon is “supposed to be.”

Mystery Helicopters in the Sepulveda Pass

During the mid 1990s, I was a Working Group Coordinator in Los Angeles for the CE-5 Initiative. This involved staging what I now call Human Initiated Contact Events (HICE). My contact team regularly travelled to remote locations in the high desert. There we used consciousness techniques such as meditation and thought projection to stage limited interactions with UAPs. To our surprise UFOs appeared not only during our fieldwork but also during everyday types of activities. These multiple data points helped me understand the psychic mechanisms used to engineer Close Encounters.

During the five years that I was a contact team leader, my sightings occurred, not only during fieldwork, but also in my West Los Angeles neighborhood. Some of the sightings demonstrated a flat two-dimensional quality. This made me suspect that they were not physical objects at all. Instead they appeared to be visual displays that were being produced by some kind of holographic technology. As the result of these encounters, I developed a new model incorporating the role of illusion as a mechanism of contact. I call this theory, The Virtual Experience Model.

The Virtual Experience Hypothesis

Virtual Experiences of the First Kind (VE-1) are illusory visual displays of structured objects or “alien” beings that typically convince witnesses that they are physical “craft” or “extraterrestrials” beings respectively.

Other categories include the psychic creation of a kind of virtual reality that produces a full sensory illusion that is convincingly real to the human subject. I designate this type as a VE-2.

The final major category is Virtual Experience of the Third Kind (VE-3). In this setting, artificial memories are implanted into the consciousness of the contact experiencer. Although the witness recalls seeing a non-human being or remembers going on-board an ET craft, according to this scenario no such event has actually transpired. The false memory does the job of convincing the witness that was happened was “real”, i.e., a physical event.

A HIGH LEVEL CONTACTEE JOINS THE TEAM

One member of our HICE/CE5 Los Angeles group was a high level contactee from the former Soviet Union. I refer to him as “Misha Goldman”, a pseudonym. He worked as an EKG tech in the Kaiser Hospital where I was employed. He was what you might describe as a “human UFO magnet.” As soon as he joined the group our level of contact, as measured by the appearances of UAPs, increased dramatically. I deemed it highly likely that he had direct telepathic communications with what contactees might call “friends in high places.”

Living just a few miles from Hollywood, “the entertainment capital of the world,” I thought that perhaps Misha’s boost to our contact efforts was analogous to how Hollywood describes climbing the ladder of success. “It’s not what you know, but who you know” that facilitates getting the next job as an actor, director or producer.

MISHA’S PROBLEMATIC SIGHTING OF A FLYING SAUCER & MYSTERY HELICOPTERS IN THE SEPULVEDA PASS

One Tuesday morning during Easter Week in 1994, Misha called me at home to describe a sighting that he had the previous evening. While driving on the 101 Freeway in the San Fernando Valley he reportedly saw a typical disc shaped UAP flying overhead. It was about 1000 feet up and approximately thirty feet across. Misha was not the only member of the team that was having sightings while driving, but what made this sighting highly unusual was that this saucer according to Misha was being chased by several military helicopters.

Based on my growing suspicion that some UFO sightings are illusory in nature, I told Misha that there were features of his sighting that were problematic. It is important to point out that the San Fernando Valley had a population in 1994 of about one million people. In addition, there are no major US military facilities located nearby. I told him that his assessment that the military helicopters were chasing an “alien craft” didn’t make much sense. The flight characteristics of some UAPs include their ability to fly circles around top performance military aircraft. Slow moving helicopters in pursuit mode would never be able to keep up with a “real flying saucer.” So, then what was going on?

Reverse Engineered Craft was not a likely Explanation

I suggested to Misha another possibility. What if the flying disc were a top-secret prototype military device? Then, perhaps the helicopters were escorting it rather than chasing it. This notion was reminiscent of the famous Cash-Landrum Incident in which supposedly a reverse engineered radioactive craft accompanied by US military helicopters injured several witnesses on the ground. However, there was a problem with this possible explanation. The densely populated San Fernando Valley was the least likely place for the authorities to test such a craft. Just imagine the uproar with thousands of witnesses if the saucer had to stage an emergency landing in a community of a million people. Prized government/corporate assets were better kept secure, way out in the desert where they might be secretly developed, and test flown.

I told Misha that the entire sighting might have been a kind of “theater of the mind production.” (This conversation occurred years before I coined the term Virtual Experience describing the role of illusion as a mechanism of contact.) Instead, I told Misha that the disc he had seen over the 101 might be the product of some kind of advanced alien “mind control” technology.

“Helicopters” vs Bizarre Visual Displays

After making this sweeping speculative analysis of Misha’s encounter on the phone, and feeling quite proud of myself at that, I said good-bye to my contact team buddy. I set off to work, driving on the 405 Freeway. I didn’t want to be late for the noon doctors’ meeting. Back in 1994 my department was still offering fresh donuts at conference and I didn’t want to miss my share.

So, there I was, driving through a sea of cars, on what seemed like a normal Tuesday afternoon. Or was it? As I reached the middle portion of the Sepulveda Pass, I noticed something a bit strange. Above the eastern rim of the canyon, I saw two military helicopters. This in and of itself was strange. There are no major military bases located near the City of Los Angeles. What was even more bizarre was that both choppers were vintage aircraft. One was an old Sikorsky, the kind first used in the Korean War. I recognized its typical large rounded nose with the cockpit located high up above the main cabin. The other was a Huey, a Bell UH 205, the standard workhorse helicopter of the Vietnam War.

I was immediately struck by the wild colors on both craft. The Sikorsky, instead of the standard military dark green was a brilliant candy color green. It looked like something out of a circus. The Huey appeared a bit more respectable. It was painted a darker olive color, but the bright green circle surrounded the US star insignia on the side of the craft just didn’t look right. Both helicopters were slowly moving back and forth above the over the canyon. They appeared to be no more than 200 feet above the rim. This was several hundred feet below the minimum altitude required by government regulations when flying over densely populated areas.

A Coincidence or an Example of what John Keel Would call the “Reflective Factor.”

I thought to myself, “This is very strange.” I have a conversation with Misha about his sighting possibly being a simulated visual display and then I am witness to craft that were fit for a carnival. I had specifically mentioned to Misha the notion that helicopters might be used as props in his sighting. Now I was witness to not one, but two bizarre “identified flying objects.”

Was this just an amazing coincidence, or was I being given a rather theatrical visual display similar to Misha’s? The sequence of events in retrospect suggests that the “reflective” aspect of UFO intelligence as described by John Keel was in effect. I had formulated a “belief” that the craft and helicopters from the previous night were illusory in nature, and as if to confirm my “pet theory” bizarre helicopters were flying overhead. Things got even stranger however. I wondered if Misha’s sighting was a kind of a test as to whether I would choose to attempt to interact with UFO intelligence.

On the chance that the choppers were psi mediated visual displays and not “physically real” and were produced by a telepathic non-human intelligence that might be able to communicate with me, I decided to “send out” a mental message of welcome. This, after all, was part of the contact protocols that I was employing during fieldwork. As my vehicle approached the top of the Sepulveda Pass, I was doing about 55 miles per hour. I watched the helicopters located now above me and to the right. They were still moving back and forth perpendicular to the freeway.

Human Initiated Contact Event: Was a Consciousness Connection Evident?

Not actually expecting a response from the craft overhead, I sent out a mental message of welcome. My 1983 Toyota Camry reached the crest of the Sepulveda Pass. The San Fernando Valley stretched out before me. As always, I took pleasure in the spectacular panoramic view. I accelerated as I headed down the hill into the Valley. To my surprise, I noticed that the Huey had broken away from the Sikorsky. It was headed my way! Just another coincidence?

The Huey was now above my vehicle, and I noticed that it was descending rapidly. It kept pace with me, flying just a few dozen yards out front. I had a perfect view of its underbelly through my windshield. The chopper leveled out at less than 100 feet above the roadway. I could hear the chopper’s engines, but they seemed quite muffled. The roar should have been deafening, but it wasn’t. My heart pounding, I continued to silently chant welcoming thoughts.

For about one mile, we traveled together. As we passed the Sepulveda Basin Dam, the Huey moved off to the west. I looked towards the walls of the reservoir, (a favorite “shoot site” for film crews.) The large concrete plaza in front the dam was totally deserted. Apparently, the choppers were not part of a Hollywood action movie being filmed on the spillway of the reservoir.

After the medical conference, I worked an evening shift in the ER. I then called Misha and told him about the helicopters in the Sepulveda Pass. Was the appearance of the helicopters an example of the “reflective aspect” as described by John Keel? Did I really have a contact experience while driving through the Sepulveda Pass? I suppose skeptics would reject any positive interpretation of the events as nothing more than “UFO fan club wishful thinking.” Coincidence might explain all. I should point out however that prior to this experience, I had never been buzzed by a helicopter while driving, never before and never since for that matter. It all might have occurred by chance. But I don’t think so!

Addendum: A much expanded, footnoted version of this article appears in the anthology “A Greater Reality” edited by Reinerio Hernandez. This multivolume work is published by the newly formed The Consciousness and Contact Research Institute (CCRI) and supports the concept that consciousness rather than mass/energy is the wellspring of creation.
My chapter titled “Report from the Contact Underground: The Consciousness Connection and the Virtual Experience Model” can be accessed at:
https://agreaterreality.com/downloads/articles/Burkes%20-%20Report%20from%20the%20Contact%20Underground.pdf

Other chapters published by CCRI may be viewed at the organization’s web site at:
https://agreaterreality.com

Form additional articles on the Virtual Experience Model, the following links are provided:
This is an overview of the Virtual Experience Model (VEM) with a brief explanation of categories one, two and three.
https://contactunderground.wordpress.com/2022/01/03/the-virtual-experience-model-an-overview/

I further develop the VEM by discussing the traditional Tibetan belief in “tulpas.” These are thought to be more than holographic projects, but rather physical objects and beings.
https://contactunderground.wordpress.com/2022/05/20/the-interdimensional-vs-et-hypothesis-virtual-experiences-and-ufo-sightings-as-thought-forms/

American physician Andrija Puharich’s work with psychic Uri Geller gives a striking example of “virtual memory” a Virtual Experience of the Third Kind.
https://contactunderground.wordpress.com/2022/02/23/andrija-puharich-mds-work-with-uri-geller-supports-the-virtual-experience-model/

I describe field observations of anomalous shooting star visual displays that played an important role in the development of the VEM.
https://contactunderground.wordpress.com/2022/01/20/why-might-ufo-intelligence-hoax-shooting-star-displays-reflections-on-the-virtual-experience-model/

Virtual Experience of the Third Kind: “Virtual Memory” is a concept explored here considering advances in memory science.
https://contactunderground.wordpress.com/2022/02/22/virtual-memory-a-virtual-experience-of-the-third-kind-ve-3/
submitted by Contactunderground to HighStrangeness [link] [comments]


2024.05.18 14:37 Contactunderground “Seeing is Believing & Believing is Seeing” The Consciousness Connection and the Virtual Experience Model This article is based on my chapter in Volume 2 of the 2022 book “A Greater Reality", a compendium published and edited by Rey Hernandez.

“Seeing is Believing & Believing is Seeing” The Consciousness Connection and the Virtual Experience Model This article is based on my chapter in Volume 2 of the 2022 book “A Greater Reality
“Seeing is Believing & Believing is Seeing”
The Consciousness Connection and the Virtual Experience Model
Joseph Burkes MD 2019 edited 2023

INTRODUCTION

This article is based on my chapter in Volume 2 of the 2022 book “A Greater Reality.” This compendium published and edited by Rey Hernandez can now be viewed without charge on the CCRI, Consciousness and Contact Research Institute’s web site, links provided at the end of this narrative.

A familiar statement by members of the public is, “I’ll believe in flying saucers when I see one.” As the saying goes, “Seeing is believing.” During my many years of contact activism, I have learned that “believing” can also lead to “seeing.” The aim of this report is to describe two important features of the contact experience. The first concerns how UAP intelligences shape encounters depending on the existing beliefs and expectations of contact experiencers. The second theme is that intelligences responsible for flying saucers employ what from a physicalist perspective is “illusion” as a mechanism of contact. I present a case in which both mechanisms were likely employed.

Readers of this blog please note the following: This narrative was originally conceived when I was writing about UFOs from within what can be called a “physicalist” or philosophical materialist’s perspective. This paradigm makes the metaphysical assumption that mass/energy is the wellspring of creation, and that mind/consciousness is merely a product of brain activity.

More recently with the assistance of my friend and publisher Rey Hernandez, I have increasingly viewed this physicalist assumption as flawed. If Consciousness is primary, not mass/energy then the psi mediated mechanisms of contact might be viewed as being closer to the wellspring of creation (and therefore perhaps more “real”) than the construct of our senses that we call “physical reality.”

My changing metaphysical views have been propelled in part by the “simulation hypothesis” that has gained some popularity within professional scientific circles. My growing acceptance of Consciousness being primary, and that the physical world is an illusion therefore compels me to view technologically based psi technology as creating “illusions” within the physical realm that could very well be an illusory simulated reality as well. In Eastern mystical traditions, the illusory nature of the physical world is called “Maya.”

THE CONSCIOUSNESS CONNECTION

It has been said that UAP intelligences are able to access experiencers’ consciousness as readily as you and I access light by turning on a wall switch. Among contact experiencers it is common knowledge that the so-called “aliens” are totally telepathic. In my opinion, such awesome power also allows them to readily access our entire storehouse of memories. This capability, when combined with their ability to create psi mediated “illusions”, enables them to co-create with us any kind of encounter that you and they can “co-imagine.”

THE PHENOMENON IS “REFLECTIVE”: THE RADICAL CONCEPTS INTRODUCED BY JOHN KEEL

John Keel,(1930- 2008) was a legendary UFO and paranormal researcher and author. He published over a dozen books. These include the “The Mothman Prophecies” (1975), that was made into a successful film starring Richard Gere. In 1966, Keel entered into an intense investigation of the flying saucer phenomenon. As part of this study, he read thousands of local newspaper articles on UFO sightings provided by clipping services. He travelled across the United States interviewing hundreds of witnesses. Keel coined the term MIB (Men In Black).

In 1967, after just one year of his intense field investigations, he abandoned the extraterrestrial hypothesis. He did so because of, “an astonishing overlap between psychic phenomena and UFOs...” Famous investigators like Dr. J. Allen Hynek and Dr. Jacques Vallee eventually came to similar conclusions. John Keel was one of ufology’s most controversial writers and his work still influences current debates about the nature of the flying saucer phenomenon.

Keel, in his classic book, “The Mothman Prophecies” discusses how flying saucer intelligence manipulated his own investigations in ways that reinforced his beliefs about what was going on. On page 111 he states,

“I was being led to people and cases to support whatever theory I was working on at the time. I tested this by inventing some rather outlandish ideas. Within days I would receive phone calls, reports, and mail describing elements of those ideas. This was the feedback or reflective effect. Other investigators concerned with solving problems such as how flying saucers are propelled have automatically been fed, or led into, cases in which the witnesses supposedly viewed the interiors of the objects and saw things which confirmed the investigators' theories. If the phenomenon can produce any effect through hallucination, it can easily support any theory.”

As a physician I prefer the term illusion rather than “hallucination” to describe the mechanisms involved in Close Encounters. Hallucinations, from the medical point of view, are manifestation of disease states and should not be applied to encounters with non-human intelligences in which the witnesses are generally not ill.

According to my analysis, psi-mediated technologically induced illusions are being presented to human subjects. This noted, I cannot over emphasize the importance of Keel’s above quote from “The Mothman Prophecies.” In addition, it is important to note that the reflective nature of the contact experience exists on both a societal as well as an individual level. Researchers John Keel, Dr. Jacques Vallee and others have aptly observed that the appearance of the UAPs reflect the cultural expectations of each historic period in which they have manifested.
Thus, to the ancient Chinese, they appeared as “dragons.” During the 1890s airship wave in the USA, they took on the appearance of Zeppelins that would be built a few years later. For the last sixty years, as we have gotten out into space, they are now thought of as “extraterrestrial.”

The following narrative is an example of an encounter that is both “illusory” as well as reflective of one’s own beliefs about what the phenomenon is “supposed to be.”

A similar chopper, but with a bizarre paint job buzzed me on the 405 Freeway
Mystery Helicopters in the Sepulveda Pass

During the mid 1990s, I was a Working Group Coordinator in Los Angeles for the CE-5 Initiative. This involved staging what I now call Human Initiated Contact Events (HICE). My contact team regularly travelled to remote locations in the high desert. There we used consciousness techniques such as meditation and thought projection to stage limited interactions with UAPs. To our surprise UFOs appeared not only during our fieldwork but also during everyday types of activities. These multiple data points helped me understand the psychic mechanisms used to engineer Close Encounters.

During the five years that I was a contact team leader, my sightings occurred, not only during fieldwork, but also in my West Los Angeles neighborhood. Some of the sightings demonstrated a flat two-dimensional quality. This made me suspect that they were not physical objects at all. Instead they appeared to be visual displays that were being produced by some kind of holographic technology. As the result of these encounters, I developed a new model incorporating the role of illusion as a mechanism of contact. I call this theory, The Virtual Experience Model.

The Virtual Experience Hypothesis

Virtual Experiences of the First Kind (VE-1) are illusory visual displays of structured objects or “alien” beings that typically convince witnesses that they are physical “craft” or “extraterrestrials” beings respectively.

Other categories include the psychic creation of a kind of virtual reality that produces a full sensory illusion that is convincingly real to the human subject. I designate this type as a VE-2.

The final major category is Virtual Experience of the Third Kind (VE-3). In this setting, artificial memories are implanted into the consciousness of the contact experiencer. Although the witness recalls seeing a non-human being or remembers going on-board an ET craft, according to this scenario no such event has actually transpired. The false memory does the job of convincing the witness that was happened was “real”, i.e., a physical event.

A HIGH LEVEL CONTACTEE JOINS THE TEAM

One member of our HICE/CE5 Los Angeles group was a high level contactee from the former Soviet Union. I refer to him as “Misha Goldman”, a pseudonym. He worked as an EKG tech in the Kaiser Hospital where I was employed. He was what you might describe as a “human UFO magnet.” As soon as he joined the group our level of contact, as measured by the appearances of UAPs, increased dramatically. I deemed it highly likely that he had direct telepathic communications with what contactees might call “friends in high places.”

Living just a few miles from Hollywood, “the entertainment capital of the world,” I thought that perhaps Misha’s boost to our contact efforts was analogous to how Hollywood describes climbing the ladder of success. “It’s not what you know, but who you know” that facilitates getting the next job as an actor, director or producer.

MISHA’S PROBLEMATIC SIGHTING OF A FLYING SAUCER & MYSTERY HELICOPTERS IN THE SEPULVEDA PASS

One Tuesday morning during Easter Week in 1994, Misha called me at home to describe a sighting that he had the previous evening. While driving on the 101 Freeway in the San Fernando Valley he reportedly saw a typical disc shaped UAP flying overhead. It was about 1000 feet up and approximately thirty feet across. Misha was not the only member of the team that was having sightings while driving, but what made this sighting highly unusual was that this saucer according to Misha was being chased by several military helicopters.

Based on my growing suspicion that some UFO sightings are illusory in nature, I told Misha that there were features of his sighting that were problematic. It is important to point out that the San Fernando Valley had a population in 1994 of about one million people. In addition, there are no major US military facilities located nearby. I told him that his assessment that the military helicopters were chasing an “alien craft” didn’t make much sense. The flight characteristics of some UAPs include their ability to fly circles around top performance military aircraft. Slow moving helicopters in pursuit mode would never be able to keep up with a “real flying saucer.” So, then what was going on?

Reverse Engineered Craft was not a likely Explanation

I suggested to Misha another possibility. What if the flying disc were a top-secret prototype military device? Then, perhaps the helicopters were escorting it rather than chasing it. This notion was reminiscent of the famous Cash-Landrum Incident in which supposedly a reverse engineered radioactive craft accompanied by US military helicopters injured several witnesses on the ground. However, there was a problem with this possible explanation. The densely populated San Fernando Valley was the least likely place for the authorities to test such a craft. Just imagine the uproar with thousands of witnesses if the saucer had to stage an emergency landing in a community of a million people. Prized government/corporate assets were better kept secure, way out in the desert where they might be secretly developed, and test flown.

I told Misha that the entire sighting might have been a kind of “theater of the mind production.” (This conversation occurred years before I coined the term Virtual Experience describing the role of illusion as a mechanism of contact.) Instead, I told Misha that the disc he had seen over the 101 might be the product of some kind of advanced alien “mind control” technology.

“Helicopters” vs Bizarre Visual Displays

After making this sweeping speculative analysis of Misha’s encounter on the phone, and feeling quite proud of myself at that, I said good-bye to my contact team buddy. I set off to work, driving on the 405 Freeway. I didn’t want to be late for the noon doctors’ meeting. Back in 1994 my department was still offering fresh donuts at conference and I didn’t want to miss my share.

So, there I was, driving through a sea of cars, on what seemed like a normal Tuesday afternoon. Or was it? As I reached the middle portion of the Sepulveda Pass, I noticed something a bit strange. Above the eastern rim of the canyon, I saw two military helicopters. This in and of itself was strange. There are no major military bases located near the City of Los Angeles. What was even more bizarre was that both choppers were vintage aircraft. One was an old Sikorsky, the kind first used in the Korean War. I recognized its typical large rounded nose with the cockpit located high up above the main cabin. The other was a Huey, a Bell UH 205, the standard workhorse helicopter of the Vietnam War.

I was immediately struck by the wild colors on both craft. The Sikorsky, instead of the standard military dark green was a brilliant candy color green. It looked like something out of a circus. The Huey appeared a bit more respectable. It was painted a darker olive color, but the bright green circle surrounded the US star insignia on the side of the craft just didn’t look right. Both helicopters were slowly moving back and forth above the over the canyon. They appeared to be no more than 200 feet above the rim. This was several hundred feet below the minimum altitude required by government regulations when flying over densely populated areas.

A Coincidence or an Example of what John Keel Would call the “Reflective Factor.”

I thought to myself, “This is very strange.” I have a conversation with Misha about his sighting possibly being a simulated visual display and then I am witness to craft that were fit for a carnival. I had specifically mentioned to Misha the notion that helicopters might be used as props in his sighting. Now I was witness to not one, but two bizarre “identified flying objects.”

Was this just an amazing coincidence, or was I being given a rather theatrical visual display similar to Misha’s? The sequence of events in retrospect suggests that the “reflective” aspect of UFO intelligence as described by John Keel was in effect. I had formulated a “belief” that the craft and helicopters from the previous night were illusory in nature, and as if to confirm my “pet theory” bizarre helicopters were flying overhead. Things got even stranger however. I wondered if Misha’s sighting was a kind of a test as to whether I would choose to attempt to interact with UFO intelligence.

On the chance that the choppers were psi mediated visual displays and not “physically real” and were produced by a telepathic non-human intelligence that might be able to communicate with me, I decided to “send out” a mental message of welcome. This, after all, was part of the contact protocols that I was employing during fieldwork. As my vehicle approached the top of the Sepulveda Pass, I was doing about 55 miles per hour. I watched the helicopters located now above me and to the right. They were still moving back and forth perpendicular to the freeway.

Human Initiated Contact Event: Was a Consciousness Connection Evident?

Not actually expecting a response from the craft overhead, I sent out a mental message of welcome. My 1983 Toyota Camry reached the crest of the Sepulveda Pass. The San Fernando Valley stretched out before me. As always, I took pleasure in the spectacular panoramic view. I accelerated as I headed down the hill into the Valley. To my surprise, I noticed that the Huey had broken away from the Sikorsky. It was headed my way! Just another coincidence?

The Huey was now above my vehicle, and I noticed that it was descending rapidly. It kept pace with me, flying just a few dozen yards out front. I had a perfect view of its underbelly through my windshield. The chopper leveled out at less than 100 feet above the roadway. I could hear the chopper’s engines, but they seemed quite muffled. The roar should have been deafening, but it wasn’t. My heart pounding, I continued to silently chant welcoming thoughts.

For about one mile, we traveled together. As we passed the Sepulveda Basin Dam, the Huey moved off to the west. I looked towards the walls of the reservoir, (a favorite “shoot site” for film crews.) The large concrete plaza in front the dam was totally deserted. Apparently, the choppers were not part of a Hollywood action movie being filmed on the spillway of the reservoir.

After the medical conference, I worked an evening shift in the ER. I then called Misha and told him about the helicopters in the Sepulveda Pass. Was the appearance of the helicopters an example of the “reflective aspect” as described by John Keel? Did I really have a contact experience while driving through the Sepulveda Pass? I suppose skeptics would reject any positive interpretation of the events as nothing more than “UFO fan club wishful thinking.” Coincidence might explain all. I should point out however that prior to this experience, I had never been buzzed by a helicopter while driving, never before and never since for that matter. It all might have occurred by chance. But I don’t think so!

Addendum: A much expanded, footnoted version of this article appears in the anthology “A Greater Reality” edited by Reinerio Hernandez. This multivolume work is published by the newly formed The Consciousness and Contact Research Institute (CCRI) and supports the concept that consciousness rather than mass/energy is the wellspring of creation.
My chapter titled “Report from the Contact Underground: The Consciousness Connection and the Virtual Experience Model” can be accessed at:
https://agreaterreality.com/downloads/articles/Burkes%20-%20Report%20from%20the%20Contact%20Underground.pdf

Other chapters published by CCRI may be viewed at the organization’s web site at:
https://agreaterreality.com

Form additional articles on the Virtual Experience Model, the following links are provided:
This is an overview of the Virtual Experience Model (VEM) with a brief explanation of categories one, two and three.
https://contactunderground.wordpress.com/2022/01/03/the-virtual-experience-model-an-overview/

I further develop the VEM by discussing the traditional Tibetan belief in “tulpas.” These are thought to be more than holographic projects, but rather physical objects and beings.
https://contactunderground.wordpress.com/2022/05/20/the-interdimensional-vs-et-hypothesis-virtual-experiences-and-ufo-sightings-as-thought-forms/

American physician Andrija Puharich’s work with psychic Uri Geller gives a striking example of “virtual memory” a Virtual Experience of the Third Kind.
https://contactunderground.wordpress.com/2022/02/23/andrija-puharich-mds-work-with-uri-geller-supports-the-virtual-experience-model/

I describe field observations of anomalous shooting star visual displays that played an important role in the development of the VEM.
https://contactunderground.wordpress.com/2022/01/20/why-might-ufo-intelligence-hoax-shooting-star-displays-reflections-on-the-virtual-experience-model/

Virtual Experience of the Third Kind: “Virtual Memory” is a concept explored here considering advances in memory science.
https://contactunderground.wordpress.com/2022/02/22/virtual-memory-a-virtual-experience-of-the-third-kind-ve-3/
submitted by Contactunderground to Experiencers [link] [comments]


2024.05.18 14:35 NEN419GAMTS My story

"My name is Jesse, and my life has been a journey marked by profound loss, pain, and redemption. From a young age, I found myself grappling with the darkness of addiction and trauma, seeking solace in substances to numb the ache of my shattered past. Despite the turmoil that engulfed me, I clung to my faith in God, finding solace and hope in His unwavering love.
The road ahead was laden with heartache and sorrow, each trial threatening to extinguish the fragile flame of my faith. At the age of 13, I cradled my little brother in my arms as he slipped away, the weight of grief and loss crushing me to my core. The trauma of being a victim of rape further fractured my spirit, leaving me adrift in a sea of pain and despair.
As I navigated the tumultuous waters of life, I found myself ensnared in a cycle of destructive choices. After a long battle with cancer, my mother passed away while I was incarcerated, leaving me reeling in anguish and sorrow. The pain of losing her, my rock and source of strength, felt like a dagger through my heart, deepening the shadows that enveloped my soul.
In the midst of my struggles, I found solace in a new marriage, seeking comfort and stability in the arms of my second wife. However, the cruel hand of fate dealt me another devastating blow when she tragically passed away from an overdose while I was incarcerated for the third time. The weight of grief and guilt threatened to consume me, each loss driving me further into the depths of despair.
I also faced a life-threatening experience when I was shot several times, leading to a coma that lasted for several months. The darkness of that period tested my faith and resolve like never before, but it was in those moments of uncertainty and pain that I found strength in God's presence, guiding me through the valley of the shadow of death.
And then, in a moment that would haunt me for years to come, I discovered my father's lifeless body, the aftermath of his decision to end his own life following the loss of my mother and second wife. The shock and agony of that discovery reverberated through my soul, leaving me grappling with a grief so profound it threatened to swallow me whole.
Yet, in the depths of my despair, a glimmer of hope emerged. Through the trials and tribulations that had defined my existence, I found the strength to surrender to a higher power, to lay down my burdens at the feet of a loving God. In the confines of my brokenness, I discovered a wellspring of grace and mercy that transcended my pain, offering me redemption and renewal in the midst of my darkest hour.
Today, I stand as a living testament to the transformative power of faith and the enduring hope that springsj forth from the ashes of despair. Through the grace of God, I have found purpose and meaning in my journey, emerging from the crucible of my past stronger and more steadfast in my faith than ever before.
Now, I walk a path guided by the light of God's love, working for the Lord's Refuge to help others on their own journeys of redemption and healing. I strive to support and uplift those who, like me, have known the depths of brokenness and despair, offering them a beacon of hope and a reminder of God's unending grace.
Bible Verses:
  1. "The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit." - Psalm 34:18
  2. "He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds." - Psalm 147:3
  3. "Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest." - Matthew 11:28
  4. "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!" - 2 Corinthians 5:17
  5. "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope." - Jeremiah 29:11
May these words provide you with solace and strength as you continue your journey of healing and redemption. Your story is a powerful testament to the resilience of the human spirit and the transformative power of God's love."
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2024.05.18 14:34 Mediocre-Apartment90 Going to see a GI doctor in about three weeks. I'm extremely nervous.

Two days ago I went to the ER due to stomach problems and a Pepto black stool scare lol. Blood work came back completely clean, but I tested positive for occult blood after a rectal exam.
I'm trying to look more into exactly what could be wrong with me, although I know it's basically impossible to tell until I get a colonoscopy. I'm a 20 year old woman, never broken a bone or had stitches or surgery or anything like that. I've always been pretty healthy, but recently I've been kinda hard on my body. I used to drink black coffee daily, sometimes on an empty stomach. I have irregular eating habits due to stress changing my appetite, which caused me to lose some weight. I get frequent headaches and migraines as well, so I took a shit ton of pain killers.
Some of my symptoms are really scaring me, like my abdomen gets really tight sometimes, usually in the morning when I first wake up. I've been sweating excessively, my heart rate is up, and while its not black or tarry or bloody, my poops have been irregular for about three months. I got diagnosed with GERD, so I wonder if that could have anything to do with the occult blood. My father deals with heart burn and is medicated for it, but colon cancer doesn't run in my family as far as I know.
I've been worrying myself to death that I'll bleed to death or I have gastritis or something. Chronic illness is so terrifying to me, especially at such a young age. I just pray that this is just an ulcer or hemorrhoids or something.
How do I relax? I feel like the anxiety is worsening my symptoms and I need to calm down. This is so scary..
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2024.05.18 14:33 Contactunderground “Seeing is Believing & Believing is Seeing” The Consciousness Connection and the Virtual Experience Model This article is based on my chapter in Volume 2 of the 2022 book “A Greater Reality". a compendium published and edited by Rey Hernandez can

“Seeing is Believing & Believing is Seeing” The Consciousness Connection and the Virtual Experience Model This article is based on my chapter in Volume 2 of the 2022 book “A Greater Reality
“Seeing is Believing & Believing is Seeing”
The Consciousness Connection and the Virtual Experience Model
Joseph Burkes MD 2019 edited 2023

A Similar chopper, but with a bizarre paint job, buzzed me on the 405 Freeway.
INTRODUCTION

This article is based on my chapter in Volume 2 of the 2022 book “A Greater Reality.” This compendium published and edited by Rey Hernandez can now be viewed without charge on the CCRI, Consciousness and Contact Research Institute’s web site, links provided at the end of this narrative.

A familiar statement by members of the public is, “I’ll believe in flying saucers when I see one.” As the saying goes, “Seeing is believing.” During my many years of contact activism, I have learned that “believing” can also lead to “seeing.” The aim of this report is to describe two important features of the contact experience. The first concerns how UAP intelligences shape encounters depending on the existing beliefs and expectations of contact experiencers. The second theme is that intelligences responsible for flying saucers employ what from a physicalist perspective is “illusion” as a mechanism of contact. I present a case in which both mechanisms were likely employed.

Readers of this blog please note the following: This narrative was originally conceived when I was writing about UFOs from within what can be called a “physicalist” or philosophical materialist’s perspective. This paradigm makes the metaphysical assumption that mass/energy is the wellspring of creation, and that mind/consciousness is merely a product of brain activity.

More recently with the assistance of my friend and publisher Rey Hernandez, I have increasingly viewed this physicalist assumption as flawed. If Consciousness is primary, not mass/energy then the psi mediated mechanisms of contact might be viewed as being closer to the wellspring of creation (and therefore perhaps more “real”) than the construct of our senses that we call “physical reality.”

My changing metaphysical views have been propelled in part by the “simulation hypothesis” that has gained some popularity within professional scientific circles. My growing acceptance of Consciousness being primary, and that the physical world is an illusion therefore compels me to view technologically based psi technology as creating “illusions” within the physical realm that could very well be an illusory simulated reality as well. In Eastern mystical traditions, the illusory nature of the physical world is called “Maya.”

THE CONSCIOUSNESS CONNECTION

It has been said that UAP intelligences are able to access experiencers’ consciousness as readily as you and I access light by turning on a wall switch. Among contact experiencers it is common knowledge that the so-called “aliens” are totally telepathic. In my opinion, such awesome power also allows them to readily access our entire storehouse of memories. This capability, when combined with their ability to create psi mediated “illusions”, enables them to co-create with us any kind of encounter that you and they can “co-imagine.”

THE PHENOMENON IS “REFLECTIVE”: THE RADICAL CONCEPTS INTRODUCED BY JOHN KEEL

John Keel,(1930- 2008) was a legendary UFO and paranormal researcher and author. He published over a dozen books. These include the “The Mothman Prophecies” (1975), that was made into a successful film starring Richard Gere. In 1966, Keel entered into an intense investigation of the flying saucer phenomenon. As part of this study, he read thousands of local newspaper articles on UFO sightings provided by clipping services. He travelled across the United States interviewing hundreds of witnesses. Keel coined the term MIB (Men In Black).

In 1967, after just one year of his intense field investigations, he abandoned the extraterrestrial hypothesis. He did so because of, “an astonishing overlap between psychic phenomena and UFOs...” Famous investigators like Dr. J. Allen Hynek and Dr. Jacques Vallee eventually came to similar conclusions. John Keel was one of ufology’s most controversial writers and his work still influences current debates about the nature of the flying saucer phenomenon.

Keel, in his classic book, “The Mothman Prophecies” discusses how flying saucer intelligence manipulated his own investigations in ways that reinforced his beliefs about what was going on. On page 111 he states,

“I was being led to people and cases to support whatever theory I was working on at the time. I tested this by inventing some rather outlandish ideas. Within days I would receive phone calls, reports, and mail describing elements of those ideas. This was the feedback or reflective effect. Other investigators concerned with solving problems such as how flying saucers are propelled have automatically been fed, or led into, cases in which the witnesses supposedly viewed the interiors of the objects and saw things which confirmed the investigators' theories. If the phenomenon can produce any effect through hallucination, it can easily support any theory.”

As a physician I prefer the term illusion rather than “hallucination” to describe the mechanisms involved in Close Encounters. Hallucinations, from the medical point of view, are manifestation of disease states and should not be applied to encounters with non-human intelligences in which the witnesses are generally not ill.

According to my analysis, psi-mediated technologically induced illusions are being presented to human subjects. This noted, I cannot over emphasize the importance of Keel’s above quote from “The Mothman Prophecies.” In addition, it is important to note that the reflective nature of the contact experience exists on both a societal as well as an individual level. Researchers John Keel, Dr. Jacques Vallee and others have aptly observed that the appearance of the UAPs reflect the cultural expectations of each historic period in which they have manifested.
Thus, to the ancient Chinese, they appeared as “dragons.” During the 1890s airship wave in the USA, they took on the appearance of Zeppelins that would be built a few years later. For the last sixty years, as we have gotten out into space, they are now thought of as “extraterrestrial.”

The following narrative is an example of an encounter that is both “illusory” as well as reflective of one’s own beliefs about what the phenomenon is “supposed to be.”

Mystery Helicopters in the Sepulveda Pass

During the mid 1990s, I was a Working Group Coordinator in Los Angeles for the CE-5 Initiative. This involved staging what I now call Human Initiated Contact Events (HICE). My contact team regularly travelled to remote locations in the high desert. There we used consciousness techniques such as meditation and thought projection to stage limited interactions with UAPs. To our surprise UFOs appeared not only during our fieldwork but also during everyday types of activities. These multiple data points helped me understand the psychic mechanisms used to engineer Close Encounters.

During the five years that I was a contact team leader, my sightings occurred, not only during fieldwork, but also in my West Los Angeles neighborhood. Some of the sightings demonstrated a flat two-dimensional quality. This made me suspect that they were not physical objects at all. Instead they appeared to be visual displays that were being produced by some kind of holographic technology. As the result of these encounters, I developed a new model incorporating the role of illusion as a mechanism of contact. I call this theory, The Virtual Experience Model.

The Virtual Experience Hypothesis

Virtual Experiences of the First Kind (VE-1) are illusory visual displays of structured objects or “alien” beings that typically convince witnesses that they are physical “craft” or “extraterrestrials” beings respectively.

Other categories include the psychic creation of a kind of virtual reality that produces a full sensory illusion that is convincingly real to the human subject. I designate this type as a VE-2.

The final major category is Virtual Experience of the Third Kind (VE-3). In this setting, artificial memories are implanted into the consciousness of the contact experiencer. Although the witness recalls seeing a non-human being or remembers going on-board an ET craft, according to this scenario no such event has actually transpired. The false memory does the job of convincing the witness that was happened was “real”, i.e., a physical event.

A HIGH LEVEL CONTACTEE JOINS THE TEAM

One member of our HICE/CE5 Los Angeles group was a high level contactee from the former Soviet Union. I refer to him as “Misha Goldman”, a pseudonym. He worked as an EKG tech in the Kaiser Hospital where I was employed. He was what you might describe as a “human UFO magnet.” As soon as he joined the group our level of contact, as measured by the appearances of UAPs, increased dramatically. I deemed it highly likely that he had direct telepathic communications with what contactees might call “friends in high places.”

Living just a few miles from Hollywood, “the entertainment capital of the world,” I thought that perhaps Misha’s boost to our contact efforts was analogous to how Hollywood describes climbing the ladder of success. “It’s not what you know, but who you know” that facilitates getting the next job as an actor, director or producer.

MISHA’S PROBLEMATIC SIGHTING OF A FLYING SAUCER & MYSTERY HELICOPTERS IN THE SEPULVEDA PASS

One Tuesday morning during Easter Week in 1994, Misha called me at home to describe a sighting that he had the previous evening. While driving on the 101 Freeway in the San Fernando Valley he reportedly saw a typical disc shaped UAP flying overhead. It was about 1000 feet up and approximately thirty feet across. Misha was not the only member of the team that was having sightings while driving, but what made this sighting highly unusual was that this saucer according to Misha was being chased by several military helicopters.

Based on my growing suspicion that some UFO sightings are illusory in nature, I told Misha that there were features of his sighting that were problematic. It is important to point out that the San Fernando Valley had a population in 1994 of about one million people. In addition, there are no major US military facilities located nearby. I told him that his assessment that the military helicopters were chasing an “alien craft” didn’t make much sense. The flight characteristics of some UAPs include their ability to fly circles around top performance military aircraft. Slow moving helicopters in pursuit mode would never be able to keep up with a “real flying saucer.” So, then what was going on?

Reverse Engineered Craft was not a likely Explanation

I suggested to Misha another possibility. What if the flying disc were a top-secret prototype military device? Then, perhaps the helicopters were escorting it rather than chasing it. This notion was reminiscent of the famous Cash-Landrum Incident in which supposedly a reverse engineered radioactive craft accompanied by US military helicopters injured several witnesses on the ground. However, there was a problem with this possible explanation. The densely populated San Fernando Valley was the least likely place for the authorities to test such a craft. Just imagine the uproar with thousands of witnesses if the saucer had to stage an emergency landing in a community of a million people. Prized government/corporate assets were better kept secure, way out in the desert where they might be secretly developed, and test flown.

I told Misha that the entire sighting might have been a kind of “theater of the mind production.” (This conversation occurred years before I coined the term Virtual Experience describing the role of illusion as a mechanism of contact.) Instead, I told Misha that the disc he had seen over the 101 might be the product of some kind of advanced alien “mind control” technology.

“Helicopters” vs Bizarre Visual Displays

After making this sweeping speculative analysis of Misha’s encounter on the phone, and feeling quite proud of myself at that, I said good-bye to my contact team buddy. I set off to work, driving on the 405 Freeway. I didn’t want to be late for the noon doctors’ meeting. Back in 1994 my department was still offering fresh donuts at conference and I didn’t want to miss my share.

So, there I was, driving through a sea of cars, on what seemed like a normal Tuesday afternoon. Or was it? As I reached the middle portion of the Sepulveda Pass, I noticed something a bit strange. Above the eastern rim of the canyon, I saw two military helicopters. This in and of itself was strange. There are no major military bases located near the City of Los Angeles. What was even more bizarre was that both choppers were vintage aircraft. One was an old Sikorsky, the kind first used in the Korean War. I recognized its typical large rounded nose with the cockpit located high up above the main cabin. The other was a Huey, a Bell UH 205, the standard workhorse helicopter of the Vietnam War.

I was immediately struck by the wild colors on both craft. The Sikorsky, instead of the standard military dark green was a brilliant candy color green. It looked like something out of a circus. The Huey appeared a bit more respectable. It was painted a darker olive color, but the bright green circle surrounded the US star insignia on the side of the craft just didn’t look right. Both helicopters were slowly moving back and forth above the over the canyon. They appeared to be no more than 200 feet above the rim. This was several hundred feet below the minimum altitude required by government regulations when flying over densely populated areas.

A Coincidence or an Example of what John Keel Would call the “Reflective Factor.”

I thought to myself, “This is very strange.” I have a conversation with Misha about his sighting possibly being a simulated visual display and then I am witness to craft that were fit for a carnival. I had specifically mentioned to Misha the notion that helicopters might be used as props in his sighting. Now I was witness to not one, but two bizarre “identified flying objects.”

Was this just an amazing coincidence, or was I being given a rather theatrical visual display similar to Misha’s? The sequence of events in retrospect suggests that the “reflective” aspect of UFO intelligence as described by John Keel was in effect. I had formulated a “belief” that the craft and helicopters from the previous night were illusory in nature, and as if to confirm my “pet theory” bizarre helicopters were flying overhead. Things got even stranger however. I wondered if Misha’s sighting was a kind of a test as to whether I would choose to attempt to interact with UFO intelligence.

On the chance that the choppers were psi mediated visual displays and not “physically real” and were produced by a telepathic non-human intelligence that might be able to communicate with me, I decided to “send out” a mental message of welcome. This, after all, was part of the contact protocols that I was employing during fieldwork. As my vehicle approached the top of the Sepulveda Pass, I was doing about 55 miles per hour. I watched the helicopters located now above me and to the right. They were still moving back and forth perpendicular to the freeway.

Human Initiated Contact Event: Was a Consciousness Connection Evident?

Not actually expecting a response from the craft overhead, I sent out a mental message of welcome. My 1983 Toyota Camry reached the crest of the Sepulveda Pass. The San Fernando Valley stretched out before me. As always, I took pleasure in the spectacular panoramic view. I accelerated as I headed down the hill into the Valley. To my surprise, I noticed that the Huey had broken away from the Sikorsky. It was headed my way! Just another coincidence?

The Huey was now above my vehicle, and I noticed that it was descending rapidly. It kept pace with me, flying just a few dozen yards out front. I had a perfect view of its underbelly through my windshield. The chopper leveled out at less than 100 feet above the roadway. I could hear the chopper’s engines, but they seemed quite muffled. The roar should have been deafening, but it wasn’t. My heart pounding, I continued to silently chant welcoming thoughts.

For about one mile, we traveled together. As we passed the Sepulveda Basin Dam, the Huey moved off to the west. I looked towards the walls of the reservoir, (a favorite “shoot site” for film crews.) The large concrete plaza in front the dam was totally deserted. Apparently, the choppers were not part of a Hollywood action movie being filmed on the spillway of the reservoir.

After the medical conference, I worked an evening shift in the ER. I then called Misha and told him about the helicopters in the Sepulveda Pass. Was the appearance of the helicopters an example of the “reflective aspect” as described by John Keel? Did I really have a contact experience while driving through the Sepulveda Pass? I suppose skeptics would reject any positive interpretation of the events as nothing more than “UFO fan club wishful thinking.” Coincidence might explain all. I should point out however that prior to this experience, I had never been buzzed by a helicopter while driving, never before and never since for that matter. It all might have occurred by chance. But I don’t think so!

Addendum: A much expanded, footnoted version of this article appears in the anthology “A Greater Reality” edited by Reinerio Hernandez. This multivolume work is published by the newly formed The Consciousness and Contact Research Institute (CCRI) and supports the concept that consciousness rather than mass/energy is the wellspring of creation.
My chapter titled “Report from the Contact Underground: The Consciousness Connection and the Virtual Experience Model” can be accessed at:
https://agreaterreality.com/downloads/articles/Burkes%20-%20Report%20from%20the%20Contact%20Underground.pdf

Other chapters published by CCRI may be viewed at the organization’s web site at:
https://agreaterreality.com

Form additional articles on the Virtual Experience Model, the following links are provided:
This is an overview of the Virtual Experience Model (VEM) with a brief explanation of categories one, two and three.
https://contactunderground.wordpress.com/2022/01/03/the-virtual-experience-model-an-overview/

I further develop the VEM by discussing the traditional Tibetan belief in “tulpas.” These are thought to be more than holographic projects, but rather physical objects and beings.
https://contactunderground.wordpress.com/2022/05/20/the-interdimensional-vs-et-hypothesis-virtual-experiences-and-ufo-sightings-as-thought-forms/

American physician Andrija Puharich’s work with psychic Uri Geller gives a striking example of “virtual memory” a Virtual Experience of the Third Kind.
https://contactunderground.wordpress.com/2022/02/23/andrija-puharich-mds-work-with-uri-geller-supports-the-virtual-experience-model/

I describe field observations of anomalous shooting star visual displays that played an important role in the development of the VEM.
https://contactunderground.wordpress.com/2022/01/20/why-might-ufo-intelligence-hoax-shooting-star-displays-reflections-on-the-virtual-experience-model/

Virtual Experience of the Third Kind: “Virtual Memory” is a concept explored here considering advances in memory science.
https://contactunderground.wordpress.com/2022/02/22/virtual-memory-a-virtual-experience-of-the-third-kind-ve-3/
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