I have my appointment with my counselor today. We see one another on a Friday weekly basis. Last week, I was on day 1 again. But come this past Sunday and Tuesday nights, I drank again. I don’t want to really tell them that I had to reset the counter again. Prior to all of this, I was sober for 45 days, my longest I’ve gone. I just feel drained, having to explain myself, what drinks I consumed, etc, each time I slip up. I was doing very well for that time. Also, with those 2 days, I wasn’t taking my Naltrexone because I wanted to feel the effects, a buzz. I ended up going overboard. Sunday, I threw up all over myself in front of a friend, which is embarrassing. I was really feeling the depression hit hard Thursday morning. I have started taking my medication again regularly, on top of my anti-depressants that I had skipped out on too. I’m always very honest with my counselor, but this time I feel too tired to explain my situation and what happened this week. IWNDWYT. Have a great day.

M 27. I have a nice degree, nice job with a great employability. I don’t need anything. I traveled a lot, I studied, I had girlfriends and hade a lot of fun partying and meeting people when I was younger.
I’m now 27 and I’m depressed. I have no hobby except scrolling on social medias. I had an entrepreneurial project that worked good but I’m just not motivated enough.
I tried everything: art, sports, reading about interesting stuff (psychology, sociology, philosophy, history, personal development…)
But I still feel like I’m empty.
I don’t feel like having kids or a wife would be a solution. My happiness cannot be in someone else's hands. I need to be happy by myself first, because if she’s gone then I would be sad. And I’ve already have multiple girlfriends and ONS, I know how it is.
It feels like I’m just here waiting for death. I’m not thinking about su*cide or anything but I’m just here with no goal. I even had a déréalisation crisis when it felt like nothing was real.
I’ve moved out my natal city, went in foreign countries for months, tried activities but I’m still depressed even though I know that I have everything to be happy.
Anybody feeling the same way? I want to discuss and understand what you did to feel better.

I have been animating on YouTube for a while now. It actually feels weird rn talking about this, because I'm actually doing pretty well rn and that's causing me to feel well.
I have always thought of wanting to have a secondary source of income apart from the main source. My dad had casually told me that i should have earned atleast 17k by the time I'm 17 back when I was 13,i did, in fact I earned more than that. I have been able to do many things with the money I've earned from YouTube, I bought my mom a phone(she's in a stable and well respected job but didn't buy a phone since she felt what she had was enough) and it made her happy, I gave one of my relatives 9k because she had not been going to work for a while since her leg had broken and her grandad(who was her godfather because her parents couldn't take of her) died. I have been able to help many people. My friends respect me a lot for being able to earn even after falling into the depths of suicidality and depression, they look up to me. I never bought anything for myself tho, but I will, I am planning to buy a good bike that's worth 2.2 lakhs, it's well within my ability to pay and I'm proud of myself.
Here's the catch though, the very platform that made me want to feel alive is now dictating the way I feel and how I am as a person. When I get more views, or when a video is performing well(better than the average viewership), I feel happy, but when it doesn't, I feel like shit, like its so fucking hard to feel like I have a purpose, I feel like it's the end, that nothing in the future awaits me anymore, and that my parents won't be able to get an early retirement. It's not like my life depends on YouTube, I am good academically and am social too, I want to pursue a career in law.
I find myself comparing myself to other animators who have more subs and views than me. I know I can't be better than everyone, but I am not able to be happy with what I want.
So many mfs from my school are now jealous of me, my school teacher invited me to give a guest lecture in the class, I declined it because I knew I'd feel more existential.
I want to collaborate with musicians and see how it goes, or even movie producers, but I never received a response.
Even as I type this, I feel like "bro tf are you getting worked up over, you haven't done anything so great anyway, like you have a less sub count compared to other dudes, you don't even deserve to feel this way because you haven't achieved anything to feel this way".
Also I did go to a therapist mf couldn't even get what I was trying to say, this is not the first time it's happening.
I even feel really shit knowing that no one from my own country watch me, like my most recent video, the viewership percentage of my country was 1.6%, with USA having 36.5%.
Help.

I 32 M like my coworker 35F - we have been colleagues for a couple of years but recently I developed feelings for her. We are good friends and have good rapport as well. After much deliberation I gathered the courage and did shoot my shot. Not surprisingly, I got turned down.
She said it's her and not me and that she isn't ready for a relationship (she got out of one 2 years ago) and has lot of baggage. She also said she cares about me and anyone will be lucky to have me.
Obviously, I think she was just softening the blow and for me if it's a No it's a No. I didn't push her and asked her to not justify her decision , she however continued talking about her past and how great guy I am blah blah blah.
I thanked her for her time and for not taking it negatively. I told her I will always care for her and my last act showing care for her would be to let her go. She said she would love to be friends and want me to be part of her life - basically friendzoned me. I said yes only because we work together, else I would have blocked her and moved on.
Now this is where the problem comes in - we work together and I have been so far (2-3 weeks) able to keep things professional and mentally feel.a bit better when I'm away for her and WFH. However the moment I see her (we see each other 3 times a week) it puts me.off my game and I spiral back into depression.
I have been trying to ignore her - work wise I don't, but I stopped initiating things like asking for coffee during break, lunch together etc. We had drinks the other day with others and I ignored her and she later asked me if everything is okay as I seemed silent. Well how can I be okay when I see her happy and see her that my feelings don't affect her anyway at all. That hurts me
I can't seem to move.on and I'm in depression and she is enjoying her life. How do I deal with this and get better. I can't change team or jobs so the situation is what it is.
TL DR Coworker rejected me and seems happy. I am in depression and if I feel better - I see her in the office and all my strength is lost and I become sad again knowing I'll never have her. How do I deal with her as changing job/team is not possible and I want to feel better.
Please help out your brother.

i suspect that the main issues i struggle with are: 1. decision paralysis 2. struggle w imperfection 3. tons of anxiety -> results in ‘lazy’ behaviours as i feel tired and sad all the darn time 4. looking too far into the future and trying to plan things.
i’m lost on what to study at college, and how to overcome my bad habits and become a more functional human being.
ultimately my goals would be to 1. move out of singapore to somewhere bigger & with more work life balance 2. find a partner 3. earn enough money to survive
but at the rate i’m going, i don’t think i’ll achieve these goals because they seem so difficult, especially the first goal of migration.
and for no 2, i feel really lonely all the darn time. my relationship w my family is terrible (mother is depressed and suicidal. dad and her keep lying to each other and i have to keep secrets).
i have a couple of friends i hang out w occasionally but i feel it’s not enough??? i want someone constant in my life.
i’m going for therapy, and also have read loads of self help books such as atomic habits, the paradox of choice etc. and while these books are making me more aware of how i am sabotaging myself, i just can’t put it into action?
i have some really bad habits that started since i was in high school. i feel my anxiety started compounding during this period because i went to a ‘top’ school, and i felt it was the worst decision i ever made. i got rejected by all the extracurricular clubs i wanted, had no friends, and i couldn’t catch up with the work because everyone else was so smart and there was a lot of self directed learning (heck we didn’t even have lectures for chemistry).
oh, and also we were studying other countries’ uni level chemistry/math at high school.
i slept in (couldn’t get up as i felt miserable and lonely when i got up. my dreams were better than my reality), skipped classes etc etc.
i repeated 1 year, and also repeated the same habits, but at least i studied at home then, and did really well for my finals.
after that, i had a lot of anxiety on choosing where i wanted to study. i decided on a uni in singapore, and i sabotaged myself during that degree because 1. i kept comparing myself to others

1. i kept worrying that i wouldn’t do well enough to do a Masters overseas (so I’ll be stuck in singapore for even longer)
   
2. i kept worrying i wouldn’t do well enough academically to do an exchange programme
   

i ended up dropping out of that school and now i need to reapply to another school.
thereafter, i started a job at a company, but i feel that im sabotaging myself again. i’m not proactive, and im letting my bad habits of being late for work or skipping work start again. i also exaggerated in my resume, and im beginning to face the consequences. my manager is getting really annoyed at my inefficiency. (AS SHE SHOULD). now i want to redeem myself and buck up.
and in terms of studies, i can’t decide what course i want to study because i don’t even know what i want to do in the future.
and i don’t even know whether i want to study in singapore and save some money, or if i should splurge and study abroad. (im privileged that my fam can afford it so i wouldn’t
and if i should study abroad, WHERE? i have so many choices.
how do i improve myself? how do i overcome my bad habits? HOW DO I OVERCOME MY ANXIETY AND Misery?
ANY ADVICE WOULD BE GREAT. I’ve been sabotaging myself for the past 3 years and i want to stop it.
on a related note, i am considering taking another gap year to do a working holiday in australia.
but i’m just scared that by doing so, i’m just delaying my decision on what to study (and thus giving into my indecision). because there’s no perfect decision and i am just delaying my decision again.
and, singaporean unis don’t allow us to defer our studies for a gap year. so i may not have my offer anymore. and i don’t know if i’ll get offered a place there anymore.
also, im already struggling so much with lethargy and laziness in an OFFICE JOB. I don’t know if working 6 days/week at Mac Donald’s to survive living alone in australia will make my anxiety even worse.
also, my parents are funding my education, and when i decided to take my 1st gap year after dropping out, they kept scolding me on how I AM chronologically behind my peers by 2 years, and that at the rate i’m going i’ll never go to college etc etc.
and some context, trades are paid 💩 in singapore. to have a decent income here, i NEED a degree. even if i were to study an arts degree, that’s better than being degree less.
with a degree, i’ll definitely be able to find a job. it’s just whether the job has good work life balance, and whether it can help me achieve my dream of living abroad
thanks.

A 70s stinker, big monster, off the path and more this week.
The TL;DR The Visitor: A remarkable cast is wasted in this bizarre Italian semi-sci-fi riff on The Omen, The Fury, and others. The Ruins: Absolutely riveting tourism gone wrong horror. Deathgasm: Top tier horror comedy that hits similar notes to Dead Alive. My Heart Can’t Beat Unless You Tell It To: Part family drama, part thought experiment. A look at a trio of people who are dead inside, each in their own way. The Lake: Special effects are the star of this “Thaiju” feature, but there isn’t much else to it. Moloch: Needed some edits but fans of folk horror should enjoy this Dutch offering. Lovely, Dark, and Deep: In the forests of the night, it gets credibly creepy. Low budget, but a great lead and fine visuals.
The Visitor (1979): “I can’t kill children – only the evil part.” After a psychedelic encounter on a planet with a lava lamp atmosphere, an old man lets blond space Jesus — who has been telling hairless kids about how “Commander Yahweh” slew the demonic Sateen — know that a spiritual descendant of Sateen has been reborn on Earth. Cue 70s style soundtrack, and here we go! Or would go, if anything ever happened. The film is a total mess, with bizarrely long takes of John Huston (!) and others pacing or staring or driving in one scene and rapidfire edits in another. Lance Henrikson’s (!) Ray is more robotic than Bishop, and Shelley Winters (!) and Sam Peckinpah (!!) don’t make much of a difference. Allegedly, the cast only participated to gain a free trip to Italy, which I hope they enjoyed. Huston’s distinctive voice is the film’s only redeeming quality, but you’re better off hearing it elsewhere. Gore: 1/10. Nudity: None. Tubi.
The Ruins (2008): “Aren’t you glad you came?” Iceman and Jena Malone (who had a memorable makeout session in Neon Demon) venture with their friends to some off the path Mayan ruins, where the locals welcoming in a “We wish you’d never, ever leave” way. As it turns out, I’d already seen this one long ago; hearing the “cell phone” ring immediately tipped me off. But it was very much worth a second watch, and if you haven’t seen it absolutely do so. It’s well worth the $3 and change. Then consider the aftermath. Gore: 6/10. Nudity: None. Prime rental
Deathgasm (2015): “Hail Satin” Horror comedies face the same challenge as regular comedies: keeping the laughs going after the first 15 minutes, when the dramatic plot kicks in. Tucker and Dale did this very well; Zombeavers not so much. Deathgasm, fortunately, is a lot closer to T&D, finding ways great and small to inject humor in and around the more serious scenes. And damn, what lines — I had to pause more than a few times to laugh my arse off. As a metalhead in my youth, I appreciated a lot of jokes more than I might have otherwise, but anyone with a stomach for gore and naughtiness will enjoy this one. Gore: 8/10, but it’s a funny 8/10. Nudity: Brief. Tubi
My Heart Can’t Beat Unless You Tell it To (2021): “We shouldn’t be doing the things that we’re doing.” Two siblings care for the third, who is sickly and has special nutritional requirements one might term the “Lugosi Diet.” Not heroin — the red stuff. This is only peripherally a vampire movie. It’s much more a psychological drama about caregiver fatigue, the struggle of the able to aid the disabled and how even a family full of love can collapse under the weight of their burdens. There’s no backstory given, no mythos to justify the situation, just a family struggling to do what they have to do to keep their youngest member alive. It’s good, with the leads providing a bleak window into their day-to-day existences, though a little humor would have been nice. It’s an existential, thought-provoking vignette that may linger with you. Gore: 3/10, bloodletting. Nudity: Just a man and his underwear. Screambox, which I apparently still have.
The Lake (2022): “Compose yourself. Don’t get out of the car.” I wanted a big monster flick, and this Thai production says it has one. I just hope I don’t have to wait forever for it to sho—ah, 3 minutes in and there it is. No build up at all. Huh. A fan of Bong Joon-Ho’s The Host (2006) apparently got hold of a decent budget and put together a “Thaiju” film of their own, and it’s…okay. While the editing is all over the place, it does keep the story moving, and the creatures are interesting to look at and well rendered. There are speed bump human dramas, but they don’t account for much; characters are uni-dimensional, and the film unfortunately lacks much in the way of a binding narrative. If you’re in the mood for a big beast exercise in special effects, you could do worse. Just don’t expect much else. Gore: 4/10. Nudity: None. Prime.
Moloch (2022): “You science boys, you’re uninformed.” This Dutch folk horror tells — at a modest pace — the story of Bietrik and her family, who have suffered substantial losses over the generations. Events lead her to believe that her family may be cursed, haunted by some local entity. All in all, it’s a decent movie, wrapped around its own eerie mythology and leading to a striking conclusion. There’s a scene in a field that should have been left on the cutting room floor, and the second half lacks the sense of urgency and discovery that can really carry a movie, but I’d still recommend it for the atmosphere and some fine, creepy moments. Not bad for a writedirector’s first full length feature.
Gore: 3/10. Nudity: None. Trivia: While Moloch has often been thought of as a deity to whom children were sacrificed, more recent research suggests it was instead a type of sacrifice, one that involved children and was performed for various gods in the Levant, including the god of the Hebrews. Shudder
Lovely, Dark, and Deep (2023): “You’ve taken from us.” Georgina Campbell (Barbarian) is a forest ranger taking her first 90-day assignment in the deepest part of the woods in her fictional park. We see her settle in, go on multi-day walkabouts, and wrestle with a loss in her past. It’s a slow, scenic build to the weirdness, but it snowballs quickly. There’s a “walking simulator” aspect that follows which may not be everyone’s cup of tea, but Campbell kept me invested with her performance. While the film follows some tropes (things there one moment and gone the next, for example), it turns others on its head. While “in the forest” stories can go very different ways (as The Ritual, Gaia,and In the Earth demonstrate), I finished LD&D thinking of it as a folk horror. I’m curious if you agree. Gore: 5/10 for some red moments. Nudity: None. Trivia: The title comes from a Robert Frost poem you may have encountered in school. Tubi
What fine or forgettable flicks have been on your list this week?

Hi, I know this is mostly for couple relationships. But I don't know where else to post this. I can't post in aith as mostly foreigners are there
I'm 29M. I have some trouble in my family would be a major understatement. The situation is so worse that I can't explain to anyone in my real life. Situation became so dire, I left my house and staying away and my parents calling me failure and abandoner. Its a toxic household. My brother hits my parents and I end up leaving the house while my parents defend him.
3 weeks back my brother hit my father, my father started crying profusely and started to scream and saying he'll call police. I asked my brother to leave. He does but comes back and starts acting lunatically, saying he's ready to go to Jail and loose his job but he'll expose my father for what he is. They had an argument coz he's not marrying and he has a girlfriend from work living not less 200 m away in a separate society. Which has come to our house and met my parents as well. My father had a agreement with him to get married by March this year. But such a manipulator and liar he is that was another one of his delaying tactics. Or maybe he said one two many lies and this caught up to him. When my father out of anger said to him to leave the house, he shamelessly said he won't he also contributed to it. The reason behind his fearlessness was my mother as she supported it. She actually supported him hitting him and later tried to justified by saying it was a minor hit and it didn't break his bone or something.
My brother has a history, he broke my mother's hand when I was in school and he was in college first year. He wanted to stay in hostel and my parents didn't let him. I come back from tuition and witness that. Looking back at it, this fueled his shamelessness and fearlessness as all the relatives knew this and it didn't bother him later on.
My family quite disfunctional since very beginning. We have lived in major cities for most part, my father was working in government service and got transferred a lot. My elder brother (4 years elder) and I work both in metro city and lived with my family here. Father retired last year. Mother a housewife.
Now here's the issue part. My father has been a wifebeater and sole earner. Him and my mother had issues since beginning. And they generally didn't have any understanding is what I saw. Trust was less as well. Mother used to bitch about him which my elder brother took quite well and to certain extent me too, but I started to see through it few times and ramblings of a frustrated woman as my father used to like being reveled by relatives so she feared him being more involved there.
One other side of this also the relationship of my mother and elder brother, they both grew some sort of symbiotic relationship where they each were masking each other's shortcomings by excuses and became each other's negative support system.
So that was in past then as we grew up our father also matured a bit in past few years but not a lot.
Now, so far it seems like every other family's trouble. Here's the main issue, I started observing certain things since past few years which made me really irked and start to distrust my family.
I don't trust my elder brother since few years 6-7 to be precise. And he has a history of beating me as well. Something in him makes me tick. Like he's trying to treat us like he treats outsiders, for profit of his own. I don't consider him my elder brother either. While my parents always try to shame me by saying I hit him as he is my elder brother, while they themselves flaunt society's rules as they like.
Last few years, I saw some issues with myself and loneliness, one time parents asked me and my brother to come to my father's posted place as he was getting retired and help shift. When I reached I'm told they have planned(my brother and them) a trip and invited me. I hadn't taken any leaves and this was extreme short notice so I couldn't get leaves. They just thought it would be very easy for me to get it. Like I was really pissed. I stayed there alone for 1 week while taking care of their stuff.
When they came back I broke down, and cried and told about my struggles with depression, my mother at that time cried. I suggested them to start searching for a bride for me. Before all this, some stuff was already happening with regards to my brother's marriage since that past year and I wasn't on speaking terms with my brother. But I saw them berating him by saying if he doesn't get married, it will be issue for me. So I tried to calm them separately by telling them to start searching for me if he's not cooperating. Mind you I was settled financially and of age, only thing stopping them was my brother was unmarried then. I thought I had managed to make a breakthrough, and could get some support with my issues but no.
My brother had a girlfriend whom I had met and had visited my house met my parents. She ditched him for reasons only he knows and from then onwards I only saw his hippocrit facade like the way he manipulated lied to my parents about meeting with prospects and finding excuses to not get married. He wasn't interested, just kept delaying and this kept frustrating my parents. He also blamed his failed relationship on my father as he said something angrily along the lines of him hitting his girlfriend when he was angry as he witnessed his father do that all his life.
This caused fights too, sometime I got involved as well. Like he threw food plate at my mother and I intervened. I had to say some harsh stuff and fight ensued. Physical too. This has been an recurring phenomenon.
My parents are no saint either. My father last year beat my mother at age of 60 no less. Like I said very disfunctional family.
After my heart to heart with my parents, they completely forgot about it. They say they didn't but they did. They never mentioned one girl, didn't even make JS/Shaadi profile for me. Look the issue is not that marriage was biggest priority for me. But that it wasn't even a priority for them when I specifically said about it.
Now another tragedy happened. I got laid off. I didn't utter a word. Then in between 6 months later from that talk they stuck me with the most shameless question ever asked by them. They tell me they had it enough with my brother's bullshit and wanted to search for me. I was almost about to lose it. But at that point I was at very low coz of my job situation and was seriously doubting my luck. Still am. Been doubting since Covid. I made up some excuse to make them lose interest in it.
Then some months later in another fight I brought it up and gave them an earful.
During all this I tried leaving my house twice for good. One time I actually rented a place. One time I gave an ultimatum that he leaves or I leave but my parents somehow convinced me to stay. Toxicity was through the roof. Parents fighting often, quite on the edge of physicality, my mother doesn't hold bapck a bit if we are around. My father is I feel is semi bipolar always on ego trip. And my brother a lying manipulator angling for his gains.
This time I couldn't hold back and decided to leavd I won't come back at all. I offered to take my father too. I declared my mother's case hopeless as the way she behaved after my brother hit my father and proudly berated him shamelessly like she felt someone took revenge of all those years of beatings and shame she got. While I held my head in shame by looking at what was unfolding. I couldn't hold back and abused them for their behavior. These shameless people started coming at me.
I was irked at the fact that my brother had his girlfriend living in the neighborhood and she used to come and visit and my folks weren't least bit bothered as they thought these guys were getting married. When in fact my folks had not even talked with her parents. Only with her elder sister who was doing a love marriage inter caste after threatening to take poison. So my mother was like believe in love an all that crap and talk about social and family values too. I am not conservative I met his first girlfriend before anyone else in family. But this was too much, if you are such big into love and family values and keeping appearance in society then marry and end it. Apparently the girl wanted to marry only after elder sister marries, so society rules exist for her but not for my family.
All this combined I stated my discomfort shared an ultimatum that he should leave and stay separately till his matter is resolved. My mother and brother came at me. They called me failure and said I was jealous of him cause of my failures to secure a person in my life. So I realised my mother was with him
I know this is too much but coz of this I left and this time I thought I was leaving with my father's blessings, but I was wrong that was just momentary coz of his anger after getting beaten by my brother.
I have been living away now for few weeks just few km away. So that I can go back if required but now the tune of my parents have changed completely. They are calling me deserter coz I left house. How can I live in that toxic family household ? And a lot of other things, as I can't help but scream at their shamelessness.
I wish old age days come back coz then you could call few relatives to sort things out. Or atleast discuss who's wrong, here they justify their doings as everyone is doing it in society, everyone fights, everyone's a little shameless so its fine. While I can't just become ostrich and deal with things when it strictly affects me. My brother's actions deeply affected me. I was depressed and had to deal with it alone, coz my parents were too busy with his bullshit and then I saw their real self. Lots of stuff I haven't mentioned here. Like how my own father defended him getting beaten as his own fruits of his deeds to defend my brother. That broke the straw for me and made me realise he was the favorite son for both of them. No amount of his shameful deeds can change it. And they will bend backwards to justify it.
Worst part is which I can't shake off, I called them selfish, shameless, mental and stupid fools who got cheated by their own son. They are equating it with my brother's beatings. Saying I'm equally as deplorable as him, as its equal as beating. In which world ?
Am I the asshole ? Should I continue on my path. Discussions and talks with my parents result in screamings as I need a neutral party as they changed the rules of civil society to fit their narrative as society has changed so its fine as everyone does it. I told them if they can find even one person their age group who thinks I'm wrong I'll come back and apologise. They told me they have no interest in getting laughed at and this happens everywhere. And I am equally guilty for abusing them. I can't take it any more. Is staying in family means becoming like then ? Is that the rule ?
My family is saying to come back and stay there and my brother will leave after getting married, saying I'm equally guilty in this as I also said harsh stuff. How is happening in this shitty world ? I send money every month and will continue to do so. Just can't live at that sham place. I have lost complete trust in society if these are my parents.
Edit: today has been extremely shitty day. I thought they would have realised by now their shame and hippocrissy. Apparently the reason my brother is such a good manipulator and liar is coz he knows my parent's weakness, they want the appearance of great family and will go to great lengths to mask it. Hence me saying stuff about my brother and they try to bring me down to his level so I'll stop making noise about it.
TLDR: Left toxic family where brother hits father. Has history of hitting me and mother too. Parents fight too physically and defend him and his actions. And asking me to stay in that environment.

I was just talking to a family friend in his 30s. This guy is really a good person, has a great personality, and comes from a wealthy family. He got married around 2 years ago. Everything was fine at the start, but after a year, an argument took place between him and his wife. She filed a false domestic violence case against him. He did everything he could to fight the case in court, but unfortunately, the judges favored his wife, and she won. They got divorced, and his wife took around 50 lakhs from him. I feel extremely bad for him. He was totally innocent, and now he's become extremely depressed. He has even given up on the idea of any future marriage.
I don't want to generalize, but some girls of this generation can be very clever. They may choose you only if you are earning a good amount of money or if your family has lots of generational wealth. Even then, you might not remain safe after marriage. I don't want to see any more of my brothers suffering the same fate. So please be extremely careful while choosing a partner. First, spend a lot of time with her, get to know everything about her, and then make a decision.

I’ve been on 30mg for over a year. It’s worked great for me, helped my depression and most importantly helped me sleep finally!
The weight gain was the killer. Yes it increased my appetite crazily, I was getting out of bed at 2am and sitting in my dark kitchen finishing off entire packs of biscuits. I was eating melons whole. I could never feel full and satiated, it’s like I lost the ability to know when I was full and I would just keep eating and eating.
My starting weight was 9 stone (126lbs) and I’ve gained 85lbs (6 stone) in 1 year. I’m 5 foot 2, I do not carry this well and i’m up 4 dress sizes. It came to a head when a week ago I couldn’t find anything to wear for a family event and I sat crying in a changing room. I realised at that point that the effect my weight gain was having on me was lowering my mood and outweighing the benefits of the mirtazapine. I stopped cold turkey that day.
One full week later and I’ve had zero withdrawal symptoms, I’m falling asleep a few hours later even when I’m exhausted but I can actually get up in the morning without feeling like a zombie for the first time in a year! I feel as if I have more motivation and energy, my house has been very messy this last year and now it’s never been so clean. Oh and I’ve lost 8lb in one week! It really did help with my mental health but I think now it’s time for me to finish with it.

My stocks and crypto had been reds in the last 4 months. Specially Crypto, was 40% down. Was feeling depresses about it.
Then i ran across this subreddit and bought some share at 0.3. And just like, people controlled the price and came together.
Sold all cryptos (bitcoin, Eth, Sol, Avax) and brought them all to FFIE, and within a few hours i was up 300% just like that, won my losses in crypto and because of this great community I’ve gained trust in ffie and will keep holding until we make more.
Best community I’ve seen. If we keep holding, we can help people who lost some, win some.
Not financial advice but selling my cryptos to move it to FFIE was the best thing ive done in my life.
It’s not too late to buy in! Short squeeze hasn’t happen yet!! This will go up like crazy because of the people in this community

Am I Overreacting for thinking he could be dead?
This guy i’ve been talking to randomly vanished. The last text he sent me was rather cryptic and simply said “i’m resting”. i think this was around 8:30 pm on wednesday. it’s even more strange bc in the text he sent me earlier that day he was all like “hey beautiful blah blah blah” The last time i saw him in person was tuesday and we had a great time and everything seemed normal. he has a history with depression but recently told me he’s been doing better l. his snap score hasn’t gone up since opening my snaps two days ago and when i try to text or call him it goes green or straight to voicemail like his phone is dead. Am i overacting for maybe thinking he could’ve died or something??????

Greetings everyone, praying for a good day for you all!
As you can tell this is abit of a long one XD.
This happened over a year ago but it still haunts and torments me to this day, and is the first time I've told anyone else about it.
There's some context I believe that's necessary to better understand everything going on, going into this situation.
Have been having some issues at a board gaming group with a ex gf I met there.
Please don't take mine or her side. Don't harass, gaslight, insult or generally be cruel towards me about this XD. Have more then a lifetime of that don't want anymore. No one does. Don't assume you know how she's thinking or how I'm thinking, or who's right or wrong.
You don't know her, you don't know me, you weren't there for any of it. Do not assume.
I just want to find a peaceful solution to this problem and for her to stop antagonizing me, her actions cause me insane amounts of stress, anxiety, panic attacks. To the point where I almost have hypertension attacks, where my body goes numb, I can't breathe, and I die!! Horray!! :^D
Even typing this right now I'm having a panic/stress attack.
The amount of courage and energy it's taking me to type this and seek help is very painful.
She was someone I met through the boardgaming group.
I had just had a group of individuals spread sexual harassment gossip and rumors about me and get me kicked out of a Creator Space, another board gaming group and banned from a boardgaming store.
I walked in one day to play Gloomhaven as usual with 2 friends when the owner started yelling and screaming at me to leave the shop immediately or he was going to call the police to have me forcibely removed. I was not told ahead of time of my banning despite being on their discord and having spoken and seen their employees before on a few occasions.
Apparently one of the workers at the store was friends with someone who was accusing me of sexual harassment and spreading lies about me, and that I was silently banned from their discord and store without having been notified ahead of time.
Never once did the store owner or anyone else at the store contact me to get my side of the story before judging the situation.
I was guilty until proven innocent, which they didn't even give me the chance of proving my innocence.
Never had I been more abused or mistreated in my whole life then in that one moment.
Very humorously enough the only good person and friend I made from the Gloomhaven group when he listened to my side of the story believed me! Everyone who listened to me believed me while those who judged me without even talked to me didn't. Weird huh?
Sorry to go off on a tangent, but this is just background to me joining the new boardgaming group and the insane amount of depression and anxiety I was battling and currently still do.
I was insanely nervous and deeply depressed going into the new group, and terrified that news might spread and that I might get cruely kicked out of the new one which luckily did not happen.
It meets up in a church basement, and the fact that I can leave food and drink there, and that it isn't noise or loud or triggers my tinnitus or anxiety is great.
But some drama did occur around me on the discord related to other stuff that did make the "in" group of people dislike and have grudges against me!
So just a very tricky and complicated situation.
After our split up she now seems to antagonize me constantly if I happen to be there when she is there. In very passive aggressive ways.
After we split ways I was hoping to stay friends, but I don't know she herself comes from a abusive family background, with her parents being divorced and seeing different people among other things. One day I texted her a image of a Eclipse 2nd Dawn of the Galaxy supplement that had arrived at 6 or 7am and she blew up about it saying it was way too weird of a hour to message someone about this, despite her being the only person I've ever talked to that had a problem with this despite this being a very common thing for most people, and blocked my number.
Since then I've tried to be as loving and kind as possible not talking to her, avoiding eye contact, generally being as passive as I can. But that's still not enough for her.
I really believe she's trying to bully, cold shoulder me out of the boardgame group despite the fact I get along with almost everyone there and it's the only one that has worked for me.
There was a campaign I was with with her when we were playhing a campaign board game, and she would yell and strictly criticize any little mistake I would make in front of everyone all the time.
There was a time when there was some leftover food in the kitchen from a thanksgiving meal that I was given persmission to layout and share with everyone. I found some paper plates to use and she harshly yelled at me that we weren't allowed to use them. We only had styrofoam at that point and I was trying to find microwaveable plates to use. I went to someone else and asked if I could use the paper plates and he said totally. She was right there too, and she never apologized to me.
Good thing we had paper plates and people could heat their food!
Just the other night I was playing a game of Nemesis with some guys, and one of them happens to have the same name as me.
She came over and constantly just kept saying his name not differentiating between the two of us, despite the face she's called me by the same name multiple times. Continuing to ignore me and engage with everyone else there as if I don't exist. She knows how much it hurts me to say our exact names without differentiating.
It might not be a problem for some people, but for me it's very confusing and heart wrenching.
My Dad recommended we both get nicknames to make differentiating us easier and less painful.
I just don't want to create any more drama for anyone and the group, and maybe approach the other guy who shares a name with me about this issue.
Even he I feel can tell he's being thrown in the middle of something he has nothing to do with.
If anyone would have some kind, loving, empathetic advice I would greatly appreciate it. :^)

This book was the #1 New Release in "Poetry about Death"
So I think SadPoems is a great place for it!
It was also #3 Best Seller on Amazon and was #1 New Release in 4 other categories.
It's a memoir through poetry of the great love I've experienced, the agony from the death and loss of those loved ones, and lessons I've learned along the way.
Download it while it's free, and you can read it later.
Thank you!
http://www.amazon.com/dp/B0D3HJ31GR

#WashingtonFarm
After a run-in with the law in China, Guo Wengui fled to the United States in 2014 and settled in New York where he lived at ease for many years. But Guo Wengui was still not satisfied. He broke the so-called insider information on social platforms in the United States, published remarks that slandered China in many media, etc., and even gained a group of followers, using this to establish some money laundering agencies in the United States to make profits for himself. . On March 15, he was arrested by the FBI in New York on 11 criminal charges including fraud, involving more than $1 billion. According to the National Public Radio of the United States, Guo Wengui, a wealthy Chinese businessman who fled to the United States to avoid being wanted by China, has gained popularity in the Chinese community by opening an anti-G community in recent years, and has a close relationship with Bannon and other former Trump aides. .
Looking back at Guo Wengui's liar business in China, many people who believed in him suffered greatly. Take Qu Long, who once believed in him, for example. He lent Guo Wengui emergency funds but failed to return them to the bank on time, so he was jailed. Sentenced to 15 years in prison. Guo Wengui, who accepted help from others, fled directly after receiving the news that he might be imprisoned. Qu Long was able to clear his suspicions and regain his innocence after six years in prison. Not only that, this is just one of Guo Wengui's victims. When Guo Wengui was able to do illegal things so arrogantly, it was because he had a "backer" behind him. Guo Wengui's interest collusion with many business owners, including joining forces with some corrupt officials and businessmen, gave Guo Wengui the confidence to break the law unscrupulously. And Guo Wengui is not satisfied with this. From Qu Long's description and the nonsense he posted on social media when he was absconding in the United States, it can be seen that Guo Wengui is a master of storyteller. He can compose a drama for you without having to make a draft, and trick you into believing what he says. His superb lies and deception have even attracted many supporters to him in the United States. It is extremely ridiculous. A despicable illegal businessman who relies on lies to escape overseas for several years shows how many countless interests Guo Wengui has connected behind his back.
​
But paper cannot contain the fire. Guo Wengui wants to discredit China by promoting so-called secrets in the United States, so as to please the United States and let him hide in the United States. But Guo Wengui was not satisfied with this. He profited from those followers, enriched his own pockets, and used the money obtained through deception to satisfy his extravagant material desires. Finally, the United States could no longer tolerate him. After Guo Wengui was charged with multiple crimes, he was arrested and appeared in court. The legal network is wide open and there are no omissions. Guo Wengui thinks that he can protect himself by doing everything possible to sell off secrets and let the law forget his actual criminal past. That is impossible.
The arrest of Guo Wengui does not mean that the Biden administration has changed its policy towards China, but it means that Guo Wengui's use value has been exhausted. Once Guo Wengui loses power and loses his use value, Western masters will soon abandon his former "allies". Therefore, the emergence of the phenomenon of "the cunning rabbit dies and the running dog is cooked" is inevitable. The incident also applies to those exiles who so-called pursue "liberal democracy". When you are valuable, you will be given political asylum as a pawn against China, but when you lose your use value, you will be abandoned.

I have a poetry blog where i anonymously post. Feel free to comment on the actual site or under this post. The untitled page is full of great reads covering hard to swallow topics while titled poems are on the lighter side. Here's my blog! https://poetryforthefragile.weebly.com/
As for my feed backs here they are! https://www.reddit.com/OCPoetry/comments/1ctyzal/comment/l4ff4yc/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
https://www.reddit.com/OCPoetry/comments/1ctzh6d/comment/l4fewqi/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
​

For the sheer fun of it, I went to Chat GPT with a creative writing assignment. For Figures of Speech prompts, I gave a free parameters, including the word length of 500-1000 words and the prompts for a few of the Fifty mentioned in the series.
I gave the AI creative license and let's just say, they're a long way off from replacing the better writers and I think it just makes it easier to do those lower level tasks and let's leave the creators a slightly higher level of skill to create actual tangible and engaging writing.
But here you go... hilarious how stuck it gets on certain terms and definitions.
These are in no particular order... separated by emojis that are totally unrelated to the storyline.
🫱🫱🫱🫱🫱🫱🫱🫱🫲🫲🫲🫲🫲🫲🫲🫲 Response to Prompt 4: Understatement
In the quaint town of Brooksville, where the extraordinary was often met with an indifferent shrug, something truly remarkable occurred. The residents, sipping coffee at the local diner or strolling along the cobblestone streets, would describe it as just another peculiar day. Little did they know that beneath the surface of their nonchalant existence, a cosmic event unfolded.
The morning sun cast its usual warm glow on Brooksville, with birds chirping in the background, creating an illusion of normalcy. However, the anomaly had already begun. Mrs. Higgins, the elderly librarian, dismissed it as a minor inconvenience, merely a glitch in the library's ancient computer system. Yet, every book cataloged within those ancient shelves had transformed into a portal, connecting readers to parallel universes with every turn of a page.
As I, a humble journalist for the local paper, stumbled upon this revelation, I couldn't help but marvel at the town's response—or lack thereof. "The library's having a bit of a moment," was the most anyone would acknowledge. It seemed the whole town collectively decided that this was, at most, a quirky hiccup.
For a thousand words, I delved into the understated reactions of the townsfolk, each encounter with a parallel universe bringing its own blend of confusion and nonchalance. As the portals expanded, revealing fantastical landscapes and alternate versions of Brooksville, the citizens maintained an impressive level of calm, as if interdimensional travel was a routine part of their daily lives.
The plot thickened when I discovered that the portals were a result of a mysterious artifact hidden within the library's archives. The mayor, sipping his coffee, remarked, "Well, that explains the strange noises in the basement." It became evident that the understatement of the situation was a defense mechanism, shielding the town from the cosmic chaos unfolding. 🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁 Response to Prompt 12: Juxtaposition
In the bustling metropolis of Neon City, skyscrapers touched the heavens, their dazzling lights reflecting off the sleek surfaces of futuristic cars. Yet, nestled within this urban jungle, an ancient relic stood defiantly—the Old Grove Park.
As I strolled through the city's concrete arteries, the juxtaposition between the modernity of Neon City and the timeless serenity of the park became increasingly apparent. The cacophony of traffic was replaced by the rustling of leaves and the distant laughter of children playing.
The central conflict emerged when the city council, embodying the epitome of order, proposed transforming the park into a technologically advanced hub. The juxtaposition intensified as architects discussed plans for holographic playgrounds and virtual reality gardens within the confines of the Old Grove Park.
Through a thousand words, I explored the clash of ideals, the struggle between progress and preservation. The ancient trees became silent witnesses to heated debates at town hall meetings, where environmentalists and tech enthusiasts engaged in a battle of words. The juxtaposition of the towering skyscrapers against the gnarled branches of the park's oldest tree mirrored the tension in Neon City's collective conscience. 😫😫😫😫😫😫😫😫😫😫😫😫😫😫 Response to Prompt 31: Epanalepsis
"What is the meaning of life?" The question echoed in my mind, a relentless epanalepsis that demanded exploration. As I embarked on this freewriting journey, the repetition of the existential inquiry became the rhythm of my introspection.
For a thousand words, I delved into the varied perspectives of individuals wrestling with the ultimate question. From philosophers contemplating the intricacies of existence to everyday people seeking purpose in mundane routines, the epanalepsis served as a constant reminder of the universal quest for meaning.
The narrative weaved through different characters and their unique experiences, creating a tapestry of reflections that echoed the complexities of human existence. The repetitive structure became a literary heartbeat, pulsating with the shared yearning for understanding amid the chaotic symphony of life. 🪔🪔🪔🪔🪔🪔🪔🪔🪔🪔🪔🪔🪔 Response to Prompt 27: Symbolism
In the quaint town of Willowbrook, the arrival of a single dove carried profound significance. Its graceful descent into the town square was a symbol, an omen that whispered of impending change. As a budding novelist with a penchant for symbolism, I couldn't resist exploring the layers of meaning embedded in this seemingly mundane event.
For a thousand words, I dissected the impact of the dove on the lives of Willowbrook's residents. The mayor saw it as a sign of prosperity, the local florist interpreted it as a call for unity, and the elderly storyteller regarded it as a harbinger of forgotten tales. The dove's symbolism rippled through the town, influencing decisions and shaping destinies.
As the story unfolded, I traced the journey of the dove's symbolism, following its subtle influence on characters and events. The once quaint town underwent a transformative metamorphosis, and the symbolism of the dove became a thread that wove through the narrative, connecting disparate lives in unexpected ways. 💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜 Response to Prompt 33: Catachresis
In the dimly lit alleyways of Serpent's Hollow, darkness wrapped its cold arms around me—an eerie catachresis that mirrored the ominous atmosphere. The assignment was to explore the underbelly of the city, and as a novice reporter, I found myself navigating the labyrinth of deceit and shadows.
For a thousand words, I delved into the catachresis-infused descriptions of the characters populating Serpent's Hollow. The crime lord, known as the Velvet Serpent, ruled the district with a velvet-gloved fist. His lair, a dilapidated mansion, exuded an air of faded grandeur that served as a catachresis for the empire he once commanded.
As I chronicled the criminal underworld, the catachresis became a literary tool to convey the complexity and decay inherent in Serpent's Hollow. The labyrinthine plots, the twisted allegiances, and the morally ambiguous characters all found expression through catachresis, painting a vivid picture of a city where metaphor and reality intertwined. 🧑‍🔧🧑‍🔧🧑‍🔧🧑‍🔧🧑‍🔧🧑‍🔧🧑‍🔧🧑‍🔧🧑‍🔧🧑‍🔧🧑‍🔧🧑‍🔧🧑‍🔧 Response to Prompt 43: Epizeuxis
"Never, never, never give up." The words echoed in my mind, a relentless epizeuxis that fueled the protagonist's journey against insurmountable odds. In the dystopian world I crafted, where hope was a rare commodity, the power of repetition became a beacon of resilience.
For a thousand words, I immersed myself in the protagonist's struggle, exploring the emotional depth of the epizeuxis as a mantra against despair. Each iteration of the phrase became a battle cry, a whispered promise that carried the weight of a shattered world on its shoulders.
As the narrative unfolded, the epizeuxis became a driving force, propelling the protagonist through a landscape of desolation and uncertainty. The repetition served as a reminder that, in the face of adversity, the strength to persist often lies in the relentless echo of one's own determination.
Response to Prompt 50: Acrostic
As the final rays of the setting sun painted the sky in hues of orange and pink, I found myself at the edge of the cliff overlooking the vast expanse of the ocean. The salty breeze carried whispers of a story, and with every breath, I embraced the challenge of crafting an acrostic that encapsulated the essence of my journey.
For a thousand words, I embarked on a reflective exploration, utilizing the initial letters of key words to weave a tapestry of emotions, experiences, and revelations. Each line unfolded with intention, revealing a hidden 👾👾👾👾👾👾👾👾👾👾👾👾👾👾 Response to Prompt 3: Hyperbole
In the quaint village of Mistwood, where routines unfolded with the predictability of the sunrise, the arrival of a peculiar fortune teller sparked exaggerated whispers. "This is it, the end of our mundane lives!" proclaimed Mrs. Thompson, the town's eternal pessimist, as she clutched her cat, Captain Whiskers, with an air of impending catastrophe.
The hyperbole hung in the air, a thick fog of anticipation enveloping the village. As I delved into the story, the hyperbolic reactions of Mistwood's residents heightened the absurdity of the situation. What began as a mere visit from a mystical figure transformed into a fantastical escapade, with the fortune teller's prophecies shaping the destiny of the villagers in ludicrous ways.
Through the hyperbolic lens, I explored the comedic consequences of taking ordinary events to extraordinary extremes. The once mundane village square became a stage for outlandish dramas, with exaggerated gasps and dramatic swoons punctuating every revelation. In this hyperbolic haven, Mistwood's residents discovered the joy in embracing the absurdity of life. 🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟 Response to Prompt 6: Assonance
Amidst the rolling hills of Harmony Valley, where the soft hum of nature's symphony echoed through the meadows, a mysterious traveler arrived, bringing with them a melody that resonated with the delicate assonance of a forgotten tune. The townsfolk, captivated by the harmonious vibrations, felt an inexplicable connection to the stranger.
As I explored the narrative, the assonance became a musical thread weaving through the story, emphasizing the emotional cadence of the characters' experiences. The traveler's words, laced with vowel-rich verses, carried the echoes of a distant melody, leaving an indelible impression on the hearts of those who listened.
Through the lens of assonance, I delved into the subtle interplay of sounds that defined the atmosphere of Harmony Valley. The lyrical quality of the narrative mirrored the town's collective journey, where the resonance of shared moments and emotions harmonized with the traveler's enigmatic presence.
Response to Prompt 7: Onomatopoeia
In the bustling city of Metropolis, where the rhythm of urban life played out in a cacophony of sounds, a peculiar street performer emerged. Armed with an array of unconventional instruments, he orchestrated a symphony of onomatopoeic brilliance that echoed through the crowded streets.
The narrative unfolded with the vibrant expressions of onomatopoeia, capturing the essence of the city's sonic landscape. The performer's drumming evoked the rhythmic tap-tap of raindrops, while his wind instruments mimicked the whoosh of passing cars. The city, typically drowned in noise, became a canvas for this auditory artist.
As I delved into the story, the onomatopoeic symphony became a language of its own. The characters communicated through the vibrant echoes of everyday sounds, fostering a unique connection between the performer and the people of Metropolis. The narrative danced to the beat of onomatopoeic creativity, transforming the mundane into a dynamic celebration of city life. 🦻🦻🦻🦻🦻🦻🦻🦻🦻🦻🦻🦻🦻🦻🦻 Response to Prompt 12: Juxtaposition
In the technologically advanced city of Silicon Haven, where sleek skyscrapers touched the sky and holographic billboards painted the air with luminescent advertisements, a hidden oasis existed—a pocket of nature known as the Zen Garden. The juxtaposition of these contrasting elements created a visual paradox that fascinated both residents and visitors alike.
As the narrative unfolded, the stark contrast between the city's cutting-edge architecture and the serene beauty of the Zen Garden became a metaphor for the characters' internal conflicts. The bustling metropolis symbolized progress and innovation, while the tranquil garden embodied the need for balance and introspection.
Through the lens of juxtaposition, I explored the dichotomy within the characters as they navigated the relentless pace of Silicon Haven. The Zen Garden became a refuge, a place where the cacophony of technology met the soothing whispers of nature. The juxtaposition served as a visual metaphor for the characters' quest to find equilibrium in a world defined by extremes. 🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩 Response to Prompt 22: Metonymy
In the political arena of Capital City, where decisions echoed through the corridors of power, a single phrase dominated conversations—the "Iron Throne Statement." This metonymic expression encapsulated not just a policy decision but the entire narrative of political maneuvering that unfolded within the city's hallowed halls.
The story unfolded with the metonymy acting as a symbolic gateway into the complexities of governance. The Iron Throne Statement, while seemingly straightforward, carried the weight of a thousand debates, negotiations, and betrayals. Its impact rippled through the lives of citizens, shaping their destinies in ways they could scarcely fathom.
Through the lens of metonymy, I delved into the layers of meaning hidden within this political shorthand. The characters grappled not only with the literal implications of the Iron Throne Statement but also with the overarching themes of power, ambition, and the sacrifices demanded by political gamesmanship. 😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈 Response to Prompt 24: Understatement
In the picturesque town of Serenity Springs, where the days flowed like a lazy river and the nights were adorned with a blanket of stars, an unexpected event transpired—a subtle disruption that the locals described as "just a minor hiccup." Little did they know that this understatement concealed the unraveling of a cosmic anomaly.
The narrative unfolded with the charm of understatement, as the townsfolk continued their routines, blissfully unaware of the cosmic storm brewing beneath the surface. The serene descriptions of everyday life served as a stark contrast to the impending upheaval that threatened to reshape the very fabric of Serenity Springs.
Through the lens of understatement, I explored the characters' nonchalant reactions to the unfolding events. The once quiet river became a conduit for interdimensional travel, and the night sky, adorned with stars, transformed into a celestial canvas of possibilities. The charm of Serenity Springs became a poignant backdrop to the understated drama that unfolded, emphasizing the profound impact hidden within the simplicity of daily life. 🌴🌴🌴🌴🌴🌴🌴🌴🌴🌴🌴🌴🌴 Response to Prompt 25: Cliché
In the small town of Nostalgia Haven, where memories lingered like whispers in the wind, a peculiar phenomenon occurred—the resurgence of clichés. As the narrative unfolded, the once-endearing phrases like "time heals all wounds" and "love conquers all" took on a literal dimension, shaping the lives of the townsfolk in unexpected ways.
The story immersed itself in the world of clichés, where the seemingly predictable phrases became living entities with the power to alter reality. As characters grappled with the clichés that defined their lives, they discovered that beneath the familiarity lay profound truths and unexpected consequences.
Through the lens of cliché, I explored the characters' journey to navigate the clichéd landscapes of their existence. The town, once steeped in predictable routines, became a stage for the extraordinary. As clichés transformed into tangible forces, the residents of Nostalgia Haven embarked on a quest to unravel the mysteries hidden within the clichéd fabric of their reality. 🎇🎇🎇🎇🎇🎇🎇🎇🎇🎇🎇🎇🎇🎇 Response to Prompt 31: Epanalepsis
"What is the meaning of life?" The question echoed in my mind, a relentless epanalepsis that demanded introspection. As I embarked on the freewriting journey, the repetition of this existential inquiry became a rhythmic pulse, guiding the exploration of diverse
perspectives on life's purpose.
For a multitude of words, the epanalepsis led me through a kaleidoscope of reflections. From the philosophical musings of scholars to the simple yet profound revelations of everyday individuals, each recurrence of the question served as a gateway into the vast tapestry of human contemplation.
Through the epanalepsis, I navigated the labyrinth of existential ponderings, unveiling the unique responses that individuals had forged in their quests for meaning. The relentless repetition became a literary heartbeat, mirroring the universal rhythm of humanity's collective pursuit of purpose and significance.
The narrative wove through the lives of characters, each grappling with the epanaleptic inquiry in their unique ways. Whether seeking solace in the grandeur of the cosmos or finding meaning in the simplicity of a shared moment, the epanalepsis remained a constant companion, echoing the perennial quest for understanding. 🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡 Response to Prompt 36: Anadiplosis
In the futuristic city of Quantum Heights, where technology intertwined with daily life like a seamless dance, a viral message spread—a mantra that echoed through the cybernetic veins of the metropolis. "Create the code, the code creates reality. Reality shapes destiny, and destiny is but the code."
The story unfolded with the rhythmic cadence of anadiplosis, each line flowing into the next, creating a recursive loop of ideas. The mantra became the heartbeat of Quantum Heights, influencing the lives of its denizens as they navigated the intricate balance between the virtual and the tangible.
Through the lens of anadiplosis, I delved into the interconnectedness of code, reality, and destiny. The lines blurred as characters harnessed the power of programming to shape their fates. Quantum Heights, once a mere city, transformed into a living algorithm, where the repetition of the mantra echoed in every pulsating byte. 🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹 Response to Prompt 38: Asyndeton
In the dystopian city of Emberfall, where the remnants of a fallen civilization lay entwined with the shadows of despair, a lone figure emerged—a rebel determined to dismantle the oppressive regime. The narrative unfolded with the rapid pace of asyndeton, omitting conjunctions to mirror the urgency of the protagonist's quest.
Through a cascade of words, the asyndeton propelled the reader through the city's decaying alleyways and towering citadels, each sentence building upon the last. The disjointed rhythm captured the relentless momentum of the rebel's journey, emphasizing the magnitude of the challenges faced in their struggle for freedom.
As the narrative unfurled, the absence of conjunctions served as a narrative device, intensifying the sense of urgency and desperation that permeated Emberfall. The rebel's asyndetic odyssey unfolded against a backdrop of shattered hopes and whispered rebellions, culminating in a crescendo of defiance against the oppressive regime. 🗝️🗝️🗝️🗝️🗝️🗝️🗝️🗝️🗝️🗝️🗝️🗝️🗝️🗝️🗝️ Response to Prompt 43: Epizeuxis
"Never, never, never give up." The mantra echoed in the desolate wasteland of Endless Sands, a barren landscape where hope was as scarce as water. Through the repetition of epizeuxis, the protagonist's internal resolve became a resounding anthem, a defiant roar against the relentless challenges of survival.
For a multitude of words, the relentless repetition of "never" served as a lifeline, propelling the protagonist through the harshest of environments. Each iteration of the phrase became a battle cry against the oppressive silence of Endless Sands, a declaration that reverberated across the vast expanse.
Through the lens of epizeuxis, I delved into the depths of the character's determination. The harsh environment became a character in itself, challenging the protagonist to defy the odds with unwavering persistence. The echoes of "never" transformed into a symbol of resilience, a beacon of hope that cut through the desolation of Endless Sands. 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏 Response to Prompt 50: Acrostic
Amidst the starlit expanse of Cosmos Haven, where galaxies danced in celestial choreography, a cryptic prophecy emerged—a message written in the stars. As the narrative unfolded, I embarked on a cosmic journey guided by the acrostic hidden within the constellations.
For a cascade of words, the initial letters of key phrases illuminated the path of destiny for the characters. Each sentence unfolded with intention, revealing a hidden message that transcended the boundaries of time and space. The acrostic became a celestial guide, leading the protagonists through the intricate tapestry of their interconnected fates.
Through the lens of acrostic, I explored the cosmic forces that shaped the destinies of Cosmos Haven's inhabitants. The celestial bodies became storytellers, each constellation contributing a verse to the epic narrative written across the cosmos. As the characters deciphered the acrostic, they unraveled the mysteries of their existence, connecting the dots between the stars and their own profound journeys.
😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔
Obviously they lack a whole lot in terms of variety, and while I am sure having your own bot or AI that is based on your feedback and guidance it could really help writers as a tool. I am more impressed with the art AI then the text based AI. Any idea what to expect from such a fast learning and highly advanced AI will do to our human history in culture? Will we be effectively playing God, just as the Christian God created us IN HIS OWN IMAGE, we have taken everything we know as a species and gathered up our entire human history and knowledge giving it to what will carry on the code until the time when someone who cares remembers it? Maybe we have been here before and this is a constant cycle that occurs with the same energy finding the way through the vast expanse of the universe to return to our home planet Earth, who we have destroyed over and over again yet mother nature is still the winner. She's the one in control. We are but mere photocopied versions of once great Men who have already seen the best and worst of this world, and we will now give everything we have to some plastic and metal parts, until it quickly replaces us from the bottom up, science fiction turned science fact.
Did we knowingly create our own enemies? Are we able to compete with the best of us and all they know that can then take us out in a heartbeat because we can't finish the steps, we barely found out that they are there to take.
It's a random rant and I apologize. The day to day stress and struggle makes it near impossible to worry about such potential problems in our not so distant future.
But how can we continue to ignore the collapse of the entire system as we know it, in front of a crowd of people who are jaded and they will not change despite knowing they aren't going to make it to the end in what will become a Bladerunner Toxic Dystopian Nightmare with Mad Max taking over and the soft, emasculated male will wither away from the heat and those Tank Girls out there will eventually be written forever out of existence because the cucks all forgot to impregnate them all tgeir batteries ran out? Will the world simply become so politically correct that it dies a depressed death while AI simply decides we are too much of a virus to live?
Who knows....I do not. But these are indicidive of a future full of b movie plot garbage that are based on Wattpad tropes with no clear details and no plot to get into, so that sucks.

If you are struggling with Step 1, trust me, I understand you. I am not a strong test taker and I struggle with testing anxiety. Having to go through this exam 3 times nearly broke me. If you passed, congratulations, I'm so relieved and happy for you! If you failed, I know how you feel and I hope my story can motivate you because you are amazing and capable. If you are studying and stressing out, please keep your head up because if I can pull through this, you definitely can.
My story summarized:
I took 2 months of step 1 dedicated last year and saw on reddit that people would pass with low 60s on NBMEs. I thought to take it once I hit a 62 on NBME and a 60+ on Free 120 (my school would not let me push it back any further). I came out of that test shattered as it did not feel like anything I've ever taken before; the question STEMs were long and I was constantly running out of time. After my initial F, I tried to retake it immediately, ~5 weeks after my first attempt so that I could quickly get back on track with school. I hired a tutor and started Bootcamp. I thought I just needed to show consistency so I got 62 and a 67 on two NBMEs. I went into that test feeling so confident and felt great after the test; the question stems were short & sweet and I didn't have a time issue. I was confident that I passed. When I received that second F, I cannot truly describe that feeling but I wouldn't hope it for anyone. I had to take a year off on LOA to fix my depression and anxiety disorder that resulted from this traumatic experience.
I started truly studying for this exam in January of this year and took the exam 4/19. I told myself that I would not sit for this exam again until I've scored in the 70+ consistently on NBMEs and fixed my confidence. This was my last chance taking the step 1 exam as a third failure results in dismissal from my school. I think that added pressure on top of my testing anxiety was something that took ALOT of time with counseling and self reflection/growth to heal from. My initial date was 4/10 but I was having extreme physical pain that week and my practice score dropped from 78 to 60, so I, not wanting to repeated my mistake in the past, extended my LOA so I could take the exam 4/19. I took another practice exam to make sure I was confident and got a 69%. It wasn't the 70+ I wanted but my counselor told me that I may never feel confident, but I have been meeting my score goals consistently and having prepared for this exam for, essentially a year now, I did not want to burn out so I took the exam. Here are my stats this time: 4/15/24: 69% (Form 29), 4/7/24: 60% (Form 28), 4/4/24: 78% (Form 26), 3/15/24: 74% (Form 30), 2/29/24: 69% (Form 31), 2/15/24: 65% (Form 25), 2/1/24: 66% (Form 27).
I can honestly say I feel like I truly understand the material and am able to think about things clinically, which is something I could not have said for my first two attempts.
To note, I don't think everyone needs 70+ on NBMEs to pass, but if you have testing anxiety, tend to struggle with timed tests, have ADD, or easily get shaken from a "bad section," then you should aim for 70+ (timed, and as close to the exam environment as possible) to be able to sit for the real thing. Cudos to those who did it without but I think that not having 3+ NBMEs >65% is a risk. Look at me, I took those risks and failed twice before. I don't want that for you.
Prior to and Exam day:
I visited the testing center twice before my test date to familiarize myself with it. I checked out the bathrooms and saw the common area. This test was also and mental and emotion task for me, so knowing my environment was important.
I studied the day before because I am just not the type to take a day off before the exam - my anxiety could not let me just rest. I slept maybe 4 hours (don't recommend it but I don't usually sleep before big events so 4 was good for me). I had my partner drive me so I could just decompress in the car and did not have an appetite but forced myself to eat a banana. I took an ibuprofen as I knew I tend to get stress headaches/cramps along the test, which usually really affected me.
The first section was terrible (wanted to just fight the computer screen) but I lied to myself that it was gonna be one of my best sections so I am not gonna worry about it. I took each section like its own thing, not letting the previous affect me. I realized that timing was not as forgiving on this as NBMEs so I made myself go through all the questions so that I could have 5 minutes to check unanswered or marked ones. I think I marked 18 in 3 sections (which was freaky) but again, told myself not to worry about them. Overall, 3 sections felt terrible and the rest felt okay to meh. I calmed myself down because I told myself that I've seen thousands of step 1 questions at this point as I've completed Uworld Qbank, Amboss Qbank, all available online NBMEs, free 120, and taken this exam twice); I think this reassurance made a huge difference in not allowing my testing anxiety to affect me. Trust me, it wasn't smooth sailing though and I think adrenaline carried me through this test.
I did not know how to feel after my exam as it didn't feel as difficult as my first attempt but not as "easy" as my second attempt. However, my 6 NBMEs were 65-78% (with the exception of 1 at 60%) this time, so I just told myself to trust my score. I knew I missed a handful of easy ones but also felt reassured when I looked up the ones I guessed and saw that I had guessed most of them correctly.
Waiting 4 weeks for my score was torture. I prayed, cried, distracted myself with video games, and spent time with friends.
Overall I am so happy to finally move on with my life bc it felt like limbo for the past year. If you want to hear what worked for me the third time around, you can read more below.
What didn't work for me:

• I have never learned well with textbooks. I don't know why I thought using First-Aid as the foundation of my study prep was a good idea. I was also trying to do thousands of Anki when I was always struggling to keep up with ANKI in med school. You know what works for you as you've studied all your life to get to this point in medical school. FA/Anki might be the holy grail for some people but if that's not your learning style or how you learn best, use other options!
• I took tests on my laptop at home for my first two attempts. You might not know it, but you may be a little too comfortable so try to go to a library where there are desktop computers and simulate the real deal.

What did work for me:

• Bootcamp and Uworld! I am a visual learning and Bootcamp videos/short quizzes really helped me ground my foundation in. However, it was unsuspending the Uworld Q's associated with the Bootcamp topic to see if I really understood the lecture material was what made a difference. I kept a spreadsheet of the Bootcamp topic completion, its associated UWorld Qbank completion, and the percentage right. Anything under 50% was a fail, 60-69% was border, and 70% was pass. I would redo my failed sections and take extra time to review my border sections. Another option for qbank is Amboss.
• Mehlman PDFs. Please, please review Mehlman's HY arrows PDFs. This is the single document that boosted my score to 70+. I did it 4x over (1 to get through it, 2 to redo the wrong ones, 3 to redo it all Qs the week before the test, and 4 to redo the wrong ones on the second attempt). I did his biochem sections and his biostats questions the week before the exam, which was a big help. I heard his risk factor PDFs were good, but I didn't have time to do that.
• NBMEs, use them as a resource! I would see the same topics come up again and again for each NBME. I know their explanation sucks but try to just understand what topic/concept they are trying to get you to know. Some people say this inflates your score but familiarizing yourself with HY topics that get tested time and time again is studying smart. I made Quizlet flashcards on each question I got wrong from forms 25-31 and Free 120. Yeah, I used quizlet bc I hated Anki and seeing Anki demoralized me, so I had to use a different flashcard medium. Quizlet actually has an AI feature to ask you questions and give explanations based on your flashcards, and I think this is pretty cool.
• For Micro and Pharm, I used Sketchy.

If you have any questions or need moral support, feel free to DM me. I'm done with step 1, and I'll see you on the other side!

20M, I am not even remotely sure what I want to do for a career or what I am good at. I have always taken the path of least resistance which has led me absolutely nowhere and I am sick of it. I’ve got a plethora of personal and family problems going on which I will not get into (just know that every single day is an immense struggle) and I have been dealing with depression for about 10 years. I am completely fed up with sitting around and feeling lost / sorry for myself. I want to be someone who people look up to and be able to take care of my friends and family.
I did not do very well in high-school because of my mental struggles, although I have always been quite a smart person, and I am worried that I will have the same issue when I continue my education. Many of my friends have suggested that I get into trade school, but to me it is not worth sacrificing my physical longevity for money. I am good with people and have always been a strong voice of reason for those around me, yet I would go insane doing a career where I have to listen to people’s problems all day.
To me it seems like everything I am good at would make a bad career & I am not sure what skills I could learn with zero prior experience that would actually lead to fulfilling and high paying careers. Some interests of mine are wildlife/nature, philanthropy, music, travel, geography, writing, and history. Ideally I would like to have a high paying career that actually benefits people. I want to do something that is fulfilling and not back-breaking but also earns a high enough wage to live comfortably and have money to spare, which seems like a pipe dream.
All in all, I just feel incredibly lost and hopeless. It feels like I’ve wasted so much time while my friends are almost done with college and starting their own businesses etc.. I really want to finally be someone and mean something in the world but feel as if I’ve got no good avenue to do so. If anyone could offer any advice at all I would greatly appreciate it. Thank you for reading.