Mom sx and boy

I’ve (28F) never dated much. I tried a handful of first dates in my early 20s, but nothing developed. Then the pandemic hit and encouraged my already antisocial behaviors. Now I’ve gain a little interest in trying to get outside my comfort zone and started using Facebook Dating. While I am anxious about meeting people, I also just have very little interest in trying and have considered deleting it again after only about 10 days. Additionally, I don’t text many people, so it’s kind of hard for me to remember and make time to message these guys. I know I’m on the asexual spectrum, but could I be aromantic too? I’ve gotten crushes before, which I’ve heard is not an aro thing to do (?).
I guess I’m wondering if there is a point when I stop trying and just accept that it’s not for me. I have said that if something develops organically I would be all for it, but I don’t get that much exposure to the public.
Bonus story: the one time a boy (my crush) told me he liked me, I was in the 8th grade, and I ran away from him and lied that my mom said I had to wait until high school to date.

Whilst watching S3 E4 “Boy girl boy girl” and Carrie saying “I’m not even sure bisexuality exist” and Charlotte saying “I’m very into labels. Gay. Straight. Pick a side and stay there”
….definitely saw Gen X in there!
It makes me giggle a little because that’s how my mom used to think too! And it’s interesting to see how sexualities were presented in other shows :-)

I recently (past few months) have realized I am meant to be (at least in this point in my life) with my ex’s best friend. It’s kind of complicated though which is why I seeking advice.
I’m a senior in high school, and at the end of last summer, I joined a friend group. One of the guys in it, I’ll call him ‘F’, and I hit it off. He was super funny and really respectful, which is something that is rare among teenage boys. Well in September I was being “shipped” with him a lot by our friends, but for whatever reason I wasn’t into it. It was also known that he liked another girl in our group, so I never really explored the possibility of being with him because I was also kind of talking to his best friend. Unfortunately in October, I started dating ‘J’, who is F’s best friend. J and I’s relationship started off by him speaking sexually to me and trying to get nudes. This started in July, but somehow, by October I was stupidly into him even though he treated me like garbage. Because of our relationship, I added him to me and F’s preexisting friend group. Nearly everyday I was hanging out with J and F, and the three of us were all really close because we hung out, FaceTimed, and played video games together. It might sound weird, but we were basically inseparable together. J ended up being a mega asshole who took advantage of me in every way, and he constantly put me down. I also think it bothered J to see how F and I interacted. He constantly accused me of cheating on him with F because I laughed at his jokes too much. I know this all sounds immature, but it’s because J is incredibly immature. Also I know this is wrong, but at the end of my relationship I realized I had feelings for F because I found myself getting jealous if be spoke about another girl. I never comprehended or realized them until about a month ago after getting over my ex.
When we’d hang out, I was also paying for my ex. I don’t think he paid for me once, even when his mom gave him money to pay for me. But F was always super nice to me and even paid for me a lot. F drives and has two jobs, while J doesn’t drive and hasn’t worked a day in his life. They’re totally polar opposites. J broke up with me in February because I was “too good for him” and he “couldn’t stand to make me cry or upset”. When this happened, F was super concerned because he wanted to keep talking. F and I hung out a couple times after but ultimately drifted after J started drama which is too much to get into. Obviously we drifted from the breakup but i found myself missing him more than my ex. How should I handle my feelings? It would be super easy to get close again because of our mutual friends, and I also want to confess my feelings. The consequences don’t really matter much because F and I are graduating next week.
TL;DR: I found myself missing my ex’s best friend more than my ex because he treated me better than my ex ever could. Should I go for it even though it could go wrong or ruin their friendship?

I was born in Chapel Hill at UNC and despite spending most my of youth growing up in the section 8 housing, or "the PJs", slang for "the projects", in Benson I spent a few years living in Garner. I lived in the apartment complex, and the apartment literally, across the street from the public library (where I spent an insane amount of time with my friends after RuneScape was released). We used to print Dragon Ball Z pics off there at $0.10/copy, though we did print off a lot more than we paid for because those sweet old librarians loved our long haired up to no good asses, and sold them for $0.25/copy at North Garner middle where I was going to school at the time.
I was still living with my biological mother who in hindsight is the human equivalent of dumpster juice. She sucked the joy out of every room she stepped in and made my life hell. So one night, laying in my top bunk in the apartment across the street from the Garner Public Library, I felt a sense of restlessness and a longing to just get away. I yelled out in a pain that I concocted in my brain and began to wrench and flail in the most sincere and agonizing pain that I could pretend to feel. I heard the pounding footsteps of an angry parent approaching my door so I doubled down. "What is it now?", the she-beast asked angrily. It took a good 45 minutes of my most convincing performance before she acted like a mother and drove me to the children's ER at WakeMed. I was exactly where I wanted to be; away from "home" and with unimpeded access to Crash Bandicoot on PlayStation in the lobby. But the real prize was after getting called back: movies, ice cream, jello, pudding, video games, nurses being so nice to you. I had it made. But that fun would ultimately come to an end as they found nothing wrong with me.
Fast forward a day and I am laying my top bunk and......OMG IT HURTS AGAIN. Screaming and crying in pain that I had once again faked just so I could relive the glory days of the previous night. Different from the night before is that after finally being heard footsteps approached my door, not the pounding feet of a woman regretful of having children.
"Is it really hurting that bad, I will call an ambulance", the she-beast asked.
"Oh shit, an ambulance ride and a night at the childrens hospital?", I thought. I decided now was the time to make her feel like a mom. "Mom, please, it hurts so bad, please hold me." I got my ride to the hospital. I don't remember a lot from that night because ya boy was fucked up on vanilla ice cream and orange colored vhs tapes but I do remember a finger up the pooper (stool sample) and being told I was going to have to stay a while.
A while ended up being 7 days exactly and it was 7 of the most glorious days of my life. Time away from things and people that I wanted to be away from, hot girls and old women (nurses) telling me I am the cutest thing they've ever seen and bringing me jello cups and juice boxes on demand, video game systems and tons of games wheeled into my room, also on demand, tv on all day long, nobody telling me to go to bed or screaming at me. What an amazing 7 days,
That's when I was diagnosed with bladder cancer and spent a lot of time at UNC.
Thanks, WakeMed.

My mom who’s 65 was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer in early February this year. She went to the hospital on her birthday, (January 18th) due to having some issues swallowing. They ran labs and did a few tests and immediately sent her to a bigger hospital in the city to run further tests on what they found. She stayed in the hospital almost 2 weeks before they made the official diagnosis. It broke me. It broke my sister and my father. Two days after her second round of chemo treatments I had my baby boy on Valentine’s Day. Her fifth grandchild, and first grandchild from me. She held him and loved on him. As of today, (June 1st), the decline has been extremely visible. She no longer can walk more than a few steps, most solid foods have a hard time going down, she’s on oxygen, doing breathing treatments and taking so much medication. Hospice has been involved for maybe a month now, coming in my parents home to help with her care. It hurts so bad seeing a woman who usually can’t sit still be bound to her recliner. A woman who always can find something to do to keep her busy now sleeping more than half the day away because if she’s awake she’s in pain. She is good about hiding pain though. She’s always been so bull headed and strong. She has always been a caregiver and now that she’s needing care she tries to pretend she doesn’t need anything. Before this diagnosis she started suffering from seizures in 2018ish, which also began some memory issues and slow decline in her memory and thinking process. But she was still strong enough to keep going. And now this, seeing this slow her down, take her out, it hurts so damn bad.
I remember being little and her walking circles around me through the stores, now she’s lucky if she can get herself to go to a store. I remember being able to sit in her room when I was little and just talk for a while. About tv, or just whatever and she’d be able to hold conversations. Now she gets confused and doesn’t understand much of any conversation. But boy she sure does try. Even if she doesn’t make a whole lot of sense right now, I can usually piece together what she’s saying. She’s still here and yet I miss her. I feel guilty for missing her so much already when I haven’t even lost her yet. Part of me is jealous of my sister and brother. They’re 9 and 10 years older than me, so it feels like they got to enjoy her for longer. They also have kids that are older. (13, 8,7,4) Those kids who of course my mom has adored and loved so much. She’s always been a giver and always spoiled them all for holidays and birthdays. She loves to give and be a part of her grand babies lived. But my son will never know his Nana like his cousins did, and it absolutely wrecks me to think about it. She still holds him every time we visit, kisses him and tells him how much she loves him, how much she wishes she could watch him get older. I have so many feelings and I’m not ready for the day my dad calls with the bad news. I’m not ready for my dad to have to deal with losing the love of his life. The woman he asked to marry him on their second date. Who’s been married to her at least 35 years now. I know my sister is going to take her passing hard when it happens, and I know I’m going to be the strong one, because I’ve always been the stronger one. But this time… I don’t think I have the strength in me… I just want my mom… It’s like the constant feeling of “I wanna go home” but home isn’t home anymore.

The Injustice Initiative and Megaverse Council did not grieve with their former leader for too long, due to the combined forces of Venessa and Velocity making swift progress in uniting dozens of Omniverses under their heroic banner. Velocity used her direct and demanding demeanor to influence the defenders of each Omniverse to join the Council and was brutally honest in her meetings with the current situation. She stressed that if they refuse to join then they will face extinction and the Council will not help them when they are attacked due to them only having priorities for attacking the demons head on. Venessa on the other hand focused her attention in strengthening the Injustice Initiative with rigorous training and firing incompetent people in leadership positions and swiftly replacing them with those that were far more competent and understood the severity of the situation. In the span of 16 days, the combined efforts of these two feminine leaders made great leaps in progress that equaled or surpassed Diamond's own work in the past three months.
While these two were on a mission together, The Researcher contacted them regarding a very important matter. When the two heroines arrived at the Council's headquarters The Researcher revealed to them two enormous discoveries. "We finally found them. The place where our foes call home, Omniverse 6,666,666. We do not know much of this Omniverse other than the Diamond from Omniverse 8 being aware of its potential and became paranoid of its existence leading him nearly wiping all traces of it from the Council's database. I happen to uncover the last fragments of his report that failed to be deleted. Furthermore, the Core of that Omniverse is deeply fractured, completely drained of all power. We can deduce with sound reasoning that the landscape of that Omniverse is something out of an apocalypse with everything that could have gone wrong, definitely went wrong. In addition, it is a very wide and vast Omniverse similar to the Main Omniverse. In fact, before its current miserable state, it was a near copy of the Main Omniverse. We are trying to scout and analyze the area as best as we can, but it is blocking all of our scanners. Our supernatural sensors can barely last four seconds before frying when they sense the amount of dark negative energy that shrouds that Omniverse." Velocity, "And the other news?" "We also found a very promising Omniverse that was elusive to our map, but just appeared and is surging with radiant energy from the Light." Venessa abruptly, "Light? Like The Light......... not just colorful lights?" "Correct. Would you care to guess what this Omniverse's number is?" "I would assume it would be the polar opposite of the other, so Omniverse 7,777,777?" "Bingo. Apparently, they have a hierarchy over there and their King requests your presence. His words not mine were King Alexander humbly requests the presence of Empress Venessa of the Main Omniverse and any companions she wishes to bring for a formal meeting in regards to the future protection of the Megaverse."
"Alright, message King Alexander and tell him I will adhere to his request. She accessed her communication com and ordered Tray and Cross to join her on the mission. She then turned to Velocity. I would have you join me on this mission, but I do not want to delay the progress you are making in convincing more Omniverses to join our cause." A short time passed as the three members arrived for their briefing with Venessa. After their meeting, they used their watches and traveled to Omniverse 7,777,777. Their eyes were blinded by the bright rays of the sun, before they could tell where they were at. At last, their eyes adjusted to their environment, which resulted in them being astonished at the shining city that was before them. They observed trains similar to bullet trains zipping back and forth through wind tubes and the residents there in very intricate clothing. The residents either had high collar jackets, dazzling shirts, and most importantly, Venessa could sense all of them having unusual levels of the Light inside of them. A loud voice could be heard behind them. "Are these the people who the King wishes to speak with?" The group turns around and sees two men standing a few feet behind them. One appears six foot and a few inches, he did not wear a shirt but was surrounded with gold and red armor, a long red cape, black pants, and long flowing blonde hair. The other was a little shorter around five feet and possibly 11 inches with black and purple hair, a black and purple cape, purple pants, and purple armor in the exact areas as the first man. The second one responded to his companion in a soft-spoken manner,"Yes, these are the three we were assigned to escort back to the castle." Venessa, "Hey, are you two like siblings or something? You two kind of look alike." The purple one, "That assumption is correct. I am Lucrest and this is my older obnoxious brother Leoped." Leoped, "We are two in a handful of select individuals, who serve the King by carrying out special assignments and investigations." Lucrest, "If you will please follow us, the King is eager to greet you."
The three heroes followed the two guards to the castle, during their walk Venessa teased her sibling, Tray. "It appears those two brothers have larger swords than you. I think they are far superior swordsmen if they can handle large blades like that. It fails to even compare your toothpick of a sword." "Shush! I don't want to hear it. I choose elegance and gracefulness over something flashy." The group finally reached the castle as several guards in colorful shining full body armor saluted the group as they stepped inside the large white crystal doors of the castle. Leoped and Lucrest led the trio right towards the throne room; no sooner than when the doors opened, King Alexander leaped from his throne and welcomed his guests. The King's outfit was composed of expensive black cloth with silver and blue crystals creating his unique armor with gold outlining around the edges and his crown. His hair was white as snow with a cape flowing from his waist with two metallic angelic wings attached to his back. He appeared as someone who was no older than their early 20's, much less muscular than Leoped, while possessing a staggering height of 6,7. "Greetings Empress Venessa, first adopted child of Diamond! A pleasure to finally meet you. Greetings to you Tray, second adopted child of Diamond! And a very warm welcome to Cross, the last member and headmaster of the Royal Guard!" Cross' attitude changed from being standoffish to one of utter shock. No one has addressed him as headmaster since the days of the Clone War. Tray whispered to Venessa, "Headmaster of the Royal Guard? I never knew that about Cross." "Yes, many years in Cross' realm he was headmaster of the Royal Guard, an elite group of warriors who protected his realm from malevolent threats under the orders of a man named the Keeper. This was brought to an end when.........Alastor manipulated him to massacre all of his fellow friends and the Keeper towards the end of the Clone War, mere days before order Kingdom Come was initiated."
King Alexander, "Empress Venessa please accept these gifts as a sign of good will. He signaled for four servants to step forward with bundles of technology and scrolls. The Alphaverse is more than ready to work closely alongside the Megaverse Council to defeat the fallen angels and corrupted souls of the Demonic Council! Please follow me to our war chambers." King Alexander led the heroes down several steps to a room that was protected by several guards. They were granted access and upon entering, the heroes were stunned to see holographic displays of plans and projects that were scattered as two male figures were debating with a female. The figures turned to the doors and quickly turned off the scattered plans and pulled up a file that said, "Propositions and explanation for the Megaverse Council." One unique hologram Venessa saw before it disappeared was a hologram of the Matrix of Eternity with a subject line under it labeled "Restore the Matrix to its former power?" As Venessa was deep in thought, King Alexander spoke to his guests who the other three figures were, "The lanky one with grey hair and a gas mask is our lead chemist, Lorenzo. The other one with him with the crimson operator hat, black and red hair, and basically black and red from his natural wings to his armor adored with many medals is our head of homeland security, Viciate. Last but not least is our lead scientist of technology, and weapons, whose brilliance I cannot put into words, Malissia." Malissia had medium length jet black hair that only left her left eye visible, yet it appeared she had unique facial marks that were long black lines leading up to her eyelids. She wore a long black coat that went just above her ankles with boots in the shape of heels. Nearly everything she wore was black except her shirt which was white with print that resembles computer chips. Malissia, "I prefer to go by M." Tray in a playful manner, "A little gothic in your appearance compared to everyone we've seen today!" "Simply a matter of taste and perception." Tray then noticed Malissia had white irises as the rest of her eyes were black, which created a sense of mystery behind them.
Lorenzo, "The disgraced Royal Guard is here......." King Alexander disappointingly, "Lorenzo......we talked about this." Venessa, "Hey what was that project regarding the Matrix of Eternity about? How would any of you be able to reload it?" King Alexander, "We have the source that originally fueled the Matrix. We were the ones who originally created it." Cross and Tray were shocked to hear such a revelation. Was the king bluffing or legitimately telling the truth? Malissia, "The reason you saw so many other projects scattered was due to these two knuckleheads trying to push these loose ideas my way, knowing full well we had a meeting today." Viciate, "Then Lorenzo and I should be going." Viciate and Lorenzo leave the room as King Alexander and Malissia start speaking with Venessa, Tray, and Cross. Lorenzo and Viciate journeyed far from the castle's boundaries and into the outskirts of the gorgeous city into a dark alleyway where a female was waiting for them. "Have you two finally reached a decision?" Lorenzo, "Yes, we have, Paradox." Paradox in a feminine form smiled while twirling their hair, with a snap of their fingers a contract appeared before Lorenzo and Viciate. "Both of you sign there. Viciate tried to sign with a pen, but Paradox stopped him. Nuh uh uh, in blood!" Viciate pulled a dagger and cut a piece of flesh off him and Lorenzo as they signed the contract that bonded them to Black Hat. See that wasn't so hard. Now I sense you have something to tell me?" Viciate, "The Empress, playboy, and ex-harbinger of darkness are here. They learned of the plans to restore the Matrix of Eternity." A sadistic smile appeared on Paradox's face, "Wonderful! Wonderful! Things could not be better! With your help we can kill those three now and you two will rule this Omniverse as the new kings only in service to Black Hat and the Council. Let them retrieve the remains of the Matrix, and we can either strike before or after they restore the Matrix, then steal it and place it within the treasury with the other dangerous objects that could pose a threat to our reign. Run along now and continue to play your parts like good little errand boys." Paradox gave them a wink. Lorenzo, "Freak! When it comes to your services, we work with you, not for you!" The two then leave as Paradox continues to smile in the shadows.
Back in the war chamber. Venessa, "Impressive. All that you are proposing will greatly benefit us. I can see your offers are sincere, but I must ask, why it took you this long to reveal yourselves?" King Alexander, "That is........simply because of an old law......that had been in effect for thousands of years. I wanted to honor my father and his father, but eventually my consciousness allowed me to overturn that old silly law." Loud footsteps could be running through the halls as a young teenage girl open the doors to the room with pieces of paper in her arms. She began to speak clearly out of breath, "I'm here sister. The documents you wanted." Mallisa, "A few minutes late like usual, Joan." "It's not my fault, military class went on longer than normal! Gosh, how many times do I have to tell you I hate it that mom and dad forced me to become a soldier!" "Everyone, this is my younger sister, Joan. Joan this is Empress Venessa and her two colleagues, Tray and Cross." Everyone exchanged friendly greetings except for Tray who stared at Joan. There was something about Joan that captivated him, it was either the childish way she speaks or the fact she had navy hair like he did. Instead of a handshake, he wrapped both his hands around hers and knelt down, "My fair lady, it is with great honor to meet you. I pray that you will accept my greeting as one of humbleness and may good health and prosperity follow you all the days of your life, my dearest madam." Everyone in the room stared dumbfounded at Tray's speech. Cross, "Where the crap did that come from Shakespeare?" Joan stood there blushing as she stuttered while addressing Tray, "Th....thank y...yo.....you." King Alexander, "Well this meeting is nearing its end, so why don't Tray and Joan spend some time with each other while the rest of us handle the closing logistics?" Mallisa, "WHAT THE?" "Alright it's settled then. Tray and Joan, you two are dismissed."
Joan and Tray stared at each other before she offered Tray some lunch, which he readily agreed to. Alexander turned back to Venessa, "Venessa, if you don't mind, I will like you and your party to stay here the next four days. The first two can be used to handle business regarding our technology and battle tactics as I introduce you to our greatest soldiers, warriors, and fighters. The last two days can be a sort of mini vacation." "Well..........I don't think such an offer will hurt. You have yourself a deal King Alexander!" At lunch Tray and Joan were deep in conversation. Tray, "You look much different than your sister. Your eyes are normal, you are much more cheerful, and just overall livelier." "My sister takes all the stress and responsibilities of the family upon her. That and her role in the kingdom just adds more stress to her. As for her eyes and facial markings, those came when she felt called to the Spring of Restoration." "What now?" "The Spring of Restoration grants those worthy unique properties or powers. Only a select few experience a change from the spring. It is not heavily protected because the spring prevents anyone unworthy from stepping foot in its waters." "Radical." "Mhm!" "So, I heard you fighting with your sister about you hating being trained as a soldier. Why is that?" "It freaking sucks! My parents do not want me to be an astronomer or engineer! They want me to become a Celestial Crusader. On top of that, I don't even get to choose what I want to do or what I want to eat a majority of the time! Eating lunch with you right now is a rare occurrence." "Have you brought your problems to the king?" "Yes, but I don't know if he is hearing my pleas or not. If he's not, I don't blame him, he has a lot on his mind and considering my parents are very influential in terms of politics, if the king makes a brash move, my parents will give him political turmoil." Tray abruptly received a message from Venessa stating their four day stay. He was excited and already made up his mind that he will spend these four days showing Joan the freedom she is missing out on.
The next two days, King Alexander did everything he said he would to Venessa and Cross. Among the strongest warriors and fighters were Ezekiel with his four angelic wings and star saber, Phonix with his ability to control time and fire, Ian with the ability to create things out of metal at will and his large sword in the shape of a key, Vivi with her ability of harnessing animal souls and acquiring their powers and abilities to her disposal, and with several other notable fighters. Yet, the group was slowly stalked by Lorenzo who reported all of their movements to Paradox. The next two days arrived where Venessa and Cross briefly parted ways in order to find some way to relax before returning to base. On the fourth day, Venessa contacted her adoptive mother, Selena, for a special request. She wanted Selena to travel to the Alphaverse with the Matrix of Eternity in order to restore it with wisdom capable of changing the tide of the war. As for Joan and Tray, the two traveled all across the kingdom from going to the beach, kayaking, visiting the aquarium, and art museum. Tray taught Joan how to properly duel and was deeply proud when she complimented him on his elegant sword. Unknown to them Viciate was also reporting their activities to Paradox. On one of their stops, Joan brought Tray to the Spring of Restoration just for them to sight see. Yet, she was startled when Tray stopped responding to her. His eyes were affixed at the spring as he slowly started to step towards it. Joan tried to stop him, but her petite body could not stop him.
Suddenly, he stopped on the edge of the spring and bent down scooping up the water as he started to drink it from his hands. Joan was confused at Tray's behavior, "Are you......alright?" Before Tray could turn around, he collapsed on the ground. "TRAY!" She ran to him, but when she arrived, his eyes opened wildly as his body started to glow with an unearthly light. Tray's body started to transform with his pupils becoming white similar to Mallisa but instead of the other part of his eye becoming black, it became a bright cyan color. His navy hair became white with a few streaks of cyan along with his olive skin changing to being white as quartz. His outfit even started to change around him with his clothes glowing with a clear like cyan substance with a hood gently resting on his hair. Gold embroidered his collar as a unique glowing cyan halo appearing over his head. "Joan.....please tell me I'm not dead." "I uhhhh you mmmmmmm I guess not? Here let me show you what you look like." Joan opened her camera and took a photo of him in order for Tray to see the photo. "Oh my gosh I became even more handsome." "Seriously, that's what you think about after looking like you just died on me!" "Hey, I'm sorry for zoning out on you like that. I just heard a soothing voice calling me from the Spring and I could not help but follow it." "The voice was more than soothing than mine?!" "Well yes...CRAP NO NOT LIKE THAT I SWEAR!" Joan started punching Tray as he let out a hearty laugh. From the shadows Viciate contacted Paradox on what happened and for Paradox to arrive swiftly to exterminate the couple.
The two continued on their walk after having their emotions die down. Yet, there was a sort of tension in the air between the two as one waited for the other to speak first. At last, Tray was the one to break the tension as he stopped Joan and decided to finally reveal to her the thoughts that had been plaguing his mind the past few days. "Joan, I don't know how to say this but, whenever I am around you, I just feel warm inside and what I could only describe as butterflies, erupt in my stomach." Joan blushed deeply before responding, "Oh Tray!" "Joan, if you do not want to enlist in the Celestial Crusaders, you don't have to. I'm offering you a choice. I see how much you care for your older sister and your eagerness for freedom. I encourage you to follow your heart and join me. I promise with every fiber in my being that my family and I will protect you and support you with whatever decision you make." Joan with tears in her eyes. "Oh Tray! Thank you! I want to briefly stay here so I can help my sister with any last assignments and join you on exploring the Megaverse and you taking me back to the Omniverse you call home! Thank you, thank you for being such a wonderful person to me these past four days. Truthfully, I can say I feel the same when I am around you. Your outgoing free-spirited nature is very cute and contagious." Tray extends his hand towards Joan, "Then what are we waiting for? Take my hand and I will show you all the wonderful places in my Omniverse! Obviously after you are done helping your sister of course." He gave her a big comforting smile as he waited for her to wipe the tears of gratitude off her face. However, just before she could place her hand in his, a gunshot went off as a singular bullet went through the right side of Joan's head and exited out of the left. Tray opened his eyes and was horrified at the pool of blood emerging from Joan's body as she lay lifeless on the ground. He was shaken as he heard a sickening laugh. He hastily turned his head to the direction of the laughter.
Tray's eyes widened in confusion as he saw Gadget Bandito emerge from the shadows. "What.....what are you doing here? How did you get here? Why have you done this after being a loyal member of the Initiative for many years?!" "Doesn't matter. Any last words kid?" Tray thought inwardly, "Wait......no......there is no way he is the real Gadget Bandito. The real one does not even know a lot of the Megaverse, much less keep up with any news from the Initiative." He finally spoke out loud. "My powers and senses are telling me you are Gadget Bandito. But my heart, mind, and soul tell me otherwise! WHO ARE YOU?" Paradox finally revealed himself to Tray as he morphed into his mechanical appearance. Tray finally spoke after being at a loss for words, "I know you. I know who you are. No, you are not even a person anymore. You have turned yourself into something unrecognizable. I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE! YOU ARE THE CREATURE WHO MURDERED MY FATHER'S PARENTS ON THE NIGHT OF HOLY THURSDAY!" Paradox had a twisted malicious grin on his mechanical face as he spoke, "Aren't you a smart one." Tray began to channel his new powers granted to him from the Spring of Restoration. "I WILL NOT ONLY AVENGE THE DEATH OF DIAMOND'S PARENTS! BUT FOR JOAN WHO YOU SHOT IN COLD BLOOD! DIE YOU BODY MORPHING BASTARD!"
Filled with pure rage, Tray could not control his powers as Paradox merely toyed with him before using Tray's disorientation to his advantage. Paradox was able to overpower the young hero, but briefly underestimated his new power buff when Tray's halo pierced itself into Paradox's chest. This comeback was shortly lived due to the intervention of Viciate who incapacitated Tray and tied him up. Elsewhere, Venessa felt a disturbance in her gut and thus gathered Cross and met with King Alexander to ask where Tray and Joan were at. The King did not know of their location much to the dismay of Venessa, but suddenly in the throne room a thick green mist entered the room which knocked the guards and the heroes unconscious. Lorenzo did his best to pick up the bodies of the heroes and tie them up, "Now we just wait for the Queen of Asteria to arrive and snatch the Matrix from her by ransoming these hostages."
Meanwhile Selena took care of Diamond and would not allow him out of her sight. If he had to leave her house, she would go with him wherever he went, due to the public opinion on him fiercely divided. There were some who believed the attacks were caused by him while others knew that he would never do such a thing and it had to be an imposter. She would fiercely criticize any bystander who booed or tried to assault Diamond. Diamond on the other hand did not like how Selena was being overprotective of him, and her reasoning was that his mental state was not in a good place. Truthfully, it felt like he was on house arrest. One day the two of them took a nap on Selena's couch, when Selena was notified to embark on the mission to Omniverse 7,777,777. She did not have Diamond know what mission it was, but said it was important. "Don't do anything stupid or silly while I'm gone. And do not go on any adventures either! If I find out you left the town, you won't hear the end of it!" "Alright sheesh I got it."
Selena traveled to Sanctuary and entered one of the passwords a few of the elite members possessed in order to gain access to the broken remains of the Matrix of Eternity. She grabbed the pieces and created a portal to the Alphaverse. Once Selena teleported off to her mission, Diamond took advantage of this opportunity and decided to venture into town. He grabbed his Bluetooth earbuds and walked outside to his favorite coffee shop. While walking, he played Have You Ever Seen The Rain, by Creedence Clearwater Revival, one of his father's favorite bands. He could not resist but sing along with the lyrics, "When it's over so they say it'll rain a sunny day, I know, shining down like water. I wanna know, have you ever seen the rain? I wanna know, have you ever seen the rain? Coming down on a sunny day." During his stroll a handful of protestors spotted him and began to yell, "Murderer! Thief! Crook! Liar!" One such protestor threw a pot of hot water at him, which nearly resulted in Diamond retaliated, but he bore these wrongs patiently and continued on his way. He turned a corner into an alleyway and started to dance and jump in the puddles. On the other side were a set of stairs where he slowly danced his way down each step to the closing parts of the song still singing with raw emotion. "Yeaaaaahhhhhhhh I wanna know have you seen the rain? I wanna know have you ever seen the rain? Coming down on a sunny day."
He turned off his music when he entered the doors of the small shop and waited patiently in line. After he finished placing his order and pulled out his wallet to pay, the cashier whispered to him, "It's on the house. You are still a hero to us who work here." "Are you sure ma'am?" "Yes. It'll be out shortly." He took a seat near a window and started reading the local newspaper in silence. Just then a little boy who was with his parents came to his side and started to speak with him. "Excuse me sir, but are you, Diamond?" Diamond chuckled to himself, "Well there is no use in hiding my identity. Yes, I am." "Can you tell me what it was like during the year I was born?" "Uh, odd request but yeah I can tell you, first I have to ask how old are you?" "I just turned four!" "Well happy birthday! Let's see four years ago was 2016.....wait no it was 2020. Gosh was 2020 four years ago? Man, all these adventures all start flowing together kid. So, around this time an old enemy of mine named......" Diamond abruptly stopped speaking as he felt a disturbance. "Named who, sir?" Diamond stood up and slowly walked to the doors as a giant explosion went off in the center of town. Everyone started screaming, running in all directions from the blast, as Diamond signaled his AI using his nanotech vision glasses. "HONEY what are we looking at? HONEY? Crap I never turned you back on." Diamond hastily had his nanotech grow on his left arm as he turned on the setting to activate HONEY. "I'm back! Are you ok boss, did you do anything brash when I was gone?" "We can catch up later HONEY, right now I need you to prevent traffic from entering this street and alert the local authorities." "Yes sir!"
While all of this was happening on Earth, Selena's portal finally brought her to the Alphaverse. She begins to mutter to herself, "Alright Venessa I'm here. Hopefully we can get this done quickly, because I don't trust Diamond being by himself." Selena was cautious of her surroundings, due to being greeted with an eerie vacant throne room. She suddenly heard a quiet "help me," this prompted her to locate the source of the voice which resulted in her finding Lorenzo lying next to a pillar. "Please help me." "Who did this to you, where are they now, and have you seen a young girl with pink and blue hair go by?" Selena used her powers to silently read the injured person's mind, but before her powers could alert her of it being a trap, she heard another voice which caused her pupils to shrink with fear. "Hello my precious doll." Selena turned to face the new voice and to her horror, she saw Paradox standing behind her, appearing the same way he looked the day before he died. The trauma from the mistreatment and terror she received from him overridden her senses and caused her to stand completely motionless. Behind her Lorenzo leaped and took off his mask expelling a strong toxin into her lungs causing her to faint and drop the pieces of the Matrix. Lorenzo, "Why did you change the plan to capture her instead of bargaining with her?" Paradox, "Because I want the last thing, they see is me holding the reloaded Matrix and handing it over to my masters." Paradox then switched back to his mechanical body and wrapped Selena in thick pairs of chains. He then took her body along with the rest of the heroes to the depths of the castle.
Simultaneously on Earth, Diamond slowly made his way to the source of the blast as he yelled at the pedestrians to head southbound. When he reached the center of the blast three figures emerged. A hulking lizard creature, a humanoid squid, and a tall figure wrapped in black cloth with piercing red goggles. "HEY! THIS TOWN IS CLOSED TO THUGS LIKE YOU TODAY!" The man in black cloth responded back, "We were wishing for a fight with Selena, but facing you is even better!" "I suggest you stand down before I rip a tentacle from your friend Squidward!" "Grok shut his mouth." The hulking creature lifted his axe from his back and started charging at Diamond. Diamond tapped his chest as his nanotech started to form around him as he created several large blasters from his back and fired at Grok. The blasts sent Grok flying backwards to his two other companions, but the man in black simply waved his hand to the right which sent Grok crashing into a local store. Diamond flew towards the humanoid squid and started punching him with unrelenting force that caused the squid to vomit quantities of ink. The man in black teleported behind Diamond and used his mystic powers to gain the upper hand by distorting the reality around them. The squid shaped his head into a spear and tried to pierce Diamond with his poison, but Diamond dodged it and sent him hurdling towards the man in black, breaking the reality illusion. He then had his suit create a sticky net which he shot to capture both the man in black and squid. Grok finally managed to get back up, but upon seeing his comrades captured, he clicked a button on his belt that resulted in him exploding creating a blast deadlier than the first. Diamond noticed there were a few people that were in the blast radius of this second explosion and flew towards them using his strength to hold the falling debris from the tall business building. The debris piled the streets with dust and papers, until the sound of sirens broke the silence. Law enforcement arrested the two other villains while Diamond was barely holding large portions of fallen walls, glass, and stone from crushing him and the civilians under him. The leading officer noticed Diamond struggling in the debris, but decided not to help him, he thought to himself, "Let's see if he can truly save others and be the hero the weak minded believe him to be." The crushing weight began to take a toll on Diamond as he slowly began to lose his footing until he was on his knees holding the debris up.
"I promise.....I will get all of you out alive!" Negative thoughts began to enter his mind as various voices began to call out. "You are not good enough. You couldn't save your own parents; how can you save these unfortunate souls? You are playing a fool's game. See how the law enforcement refuses to acknowledge your existence. Face it your story is over. Finished. You are nothing but a weak boy who thought he could have been a great hero." Diamond tried to block out these voices, but they began to take a toll on him, nearly causing him to give up, but then a quiet voice entered his mind. A voice smooth like honey but strong as thunder echoed in his mind. "You are something more. Look inside yourself, you are something far more than when you started all those years ago as a small-town hero. Do not listen to their empty words, listen to me. Do you renounce sin?" "I do." "Do you renounce the Devil, the sin whisperer, and all his empty promises?" "I do!" "Do you believe in the Faith of your fathers, the Resurrection, and life everlasting?" "I do!" "Arise my child." At that very moment Diamond felt the power of the Light course through him at greater quantities than before as his body began to glow with gold and white light. With a newfound access to the Light, Diamond felt it was only natural to change the wording when harnessing its power, "Through the power of Heaven's Light.......All things are possible!" Diamond effortlessly lifted the debris away from him as the civilians under his care ran to the rest of the crowd. The onlookers stared at Diamond's glowing gold and white body. They were baffled in amazement as a few murmured amongst themselves, "Truly this is the act of a selfless hero."
Diamond did not hear the crowd's cheers, whistles, and praises as he stood deep in contemplation. Deep within his soul, he was able to sense his family was in grave danger. With his connection to the Light restored, he made it his new mission to travel to the Omniverse where he sensed the disturbance. He quietly spoke to himself, "Oh yeah I'm ready to whip the person who is so bent on ruining my life! But first, I have to do it in style. He allowed his suit to create two large speakers; HONEY make sure the volume is on max. Time for us to go back into the Megaverse!"
To Be Continued In The Alphaverse Part 2

For context cause it comes into play for a few background details. I have three siblings I’m number three of four. The oldest is my sister(28F) who has been my mom’s number one priority since day one. There is an age gap on paper but you couldn’t tell in person. I have three kids of my own and am not with any of their “fathers”. My sister is married, one child, owns a house, owns two vehicles, and supports her household. Has also gone off to college. My 18th birthday was my graduation day. They mixed the two. I went out with friends after and came back home late at the time but still found my parents awake and in the living room dad soaked in tears and I got told “we are getting a divorce, the lease is up in 30 days me(mom) and your little brother are going to your aunts house you can ask to stay there but this is the situation”. I have been house jumping ever since, hence the three kids.
No im not the brightest I didn’t try too hard but I kept an A-B average besides in History or English back and forth. I was kept from friends and family events from senecios my sister created, or stories she told. Hell I had just escaped from being abused in so many different ways and found out I was pregnant and as soon as I got scared enough to tell someone AKA my mom she sighed and said “really cause so is your sister?” I was the only one of my siblings neither one of my parents have bought a car for. I’m the one that has to beg for them to help with the kids in any way.
No I don’t expect I just ask. No big deal but don’t ask for my help. For free at that. Like it’s owed to you. I had one best friend growing up and my family bullied her to the point I almost had to tell them to drop me off down the street so I could walk up alone..never worked I have a hover mom..
None of my siblings hang out with me, or try to..they have this “family DND” night that I wasn’t invited to then when I had to be there they stopped..
I’m the problem in every situation and have been labeled a “drama queen” already so no need to agree but in all honesty though. There’s so much pain and hate between my sister and I and my mom put it there. My boyfriend sees it and how she treats my kids, how her husband treats my kids. Compared to how they treat my nieces and nephew..my boyfriend thinks she’s a narcissist..
Another key note me and my boys live with them cause I work nights for the money and scheduling and they “watch them” at night.

To start this it's important I say I'm a huge fan of The Click, So I'm a 16 from trans kid (17 in November) and my mom and I don't have a car so we get free trips to appointments from our insurance. Idk a lot but one day we were going to Walmart for my meds and I was on my period. Days prior I told her I was CRAVING hummus and Ritz crackers so when we went to the store she let me get hummus and crackers. Well I went and got my normal hummus but found something I had never seen... Chocolate hummus :0 it sounded awesome so now I'm holding two big things of hummus. Now from the front it's obvious I was born a woman. But from the back I'm a chubby boy. I remember in a few videos Click did a brief explanation on how to train your voice to be deeper so I being a genius train my voice. Now a man came up behind me and goes, "What's a kid like you need all that hummus? You don't need two big containers" so I having a perfect idea turned a bit to see him a bit and deepen my voice and this comes out my mouth "A growing boy needs his hummus" THIS MAN IMMEDIATELY WALKED AWAY GOING "Oh ok bye-" and he's gone to an isle away from the deli. Lady behind the counter is stifling her laughter. Thank you Click for your TraumatizeThemBack videos❤️❤️❤️

This is a long one, so buckle up! My ex husband and I were together for 9 years (4, almost 5 married). While we were dating I helped him out of homelessness, taught him how to drive, connected to people that got him his current job, and helped him get his first car… the first time I caught him should’ve been the last 🤡 I caught him sexting a girl the night he proposed, but I stayed. We ended up getting married (I later found out he had sex with a mutual friend that he told the wedding had been canceled 2 nights before as a “last hoorah” type deal… even though it wasn’t) when I was 22. A few months later I caught him sexting again! This time I had to go on an antidepressant/anxiety cocktail in order to not drive myself into paranoia insanity (this unfortunately completely deleted my sex drive).
A few years went by and we bought a house and had two cats and a dog. I wanted kids but he convinced me that we were better off without any (Found out later he told his friends it was because I was “too fat”). One day he started telling me about a coworker and how cool she was and he thought we’d get along great! I agreed to meet her and she began coming over to our house all the time to hang out and smoke. Her and I would send memes to each other, laugh, and I even comforted her while she was crying when her fiancé broke up with her (for catching her and my ex having sex on their bed). She stayed at our house for 3 days while he moved his stuff out of their apartment and my ex kept stalling about telling me why they broke up randomly 🚩🚩🚩 the third and final day I soecifically remember thinking, “they had sex and that’s why they broke up” and for a moment, I felt relief… well, spoiler, I was right. I kicked him out and only saw him one other time since then. The girl I considered a good friend began making fun of me on Facebook that I was “too stupid to realize they were sleeping together” or it was “all part of the plan.” My mama encouraged me to take the high road and not give them the time of day, “karmas a bitch, and they’ll get there’s.” Boy, she didn’t even know!!**
The first few months separated were rough financially!! I had decided to put myself first and weaned off of the meds except for @ddera11 and BC (sex drive back!! 🙌🏻), went back to school for a BS in Mechanical Engineering (I’m currently a junior 🎉) and wasn’t gonna get rid of my house. I got maybe 2-3 hours of sleep that first year from working OT to pay bills and keep up with school work… later that year I began to fall in love with a friend that I’d had for a few years. He was there for me the whole time as a friend and never pushed for anything. Even the idea of dating made us both nervous since we had both been cheated on but we took the chance and I honestly thought this kind of love was only in movies! I’ve never felt more appreciated, validated or secure in my life! He always jokes about how we’re gonna be as parents when I graduate and we decide to have kids ❤️ Like, we been together for over a year now and he’ll hand me his phone and tell me to pick what I want from DoorDash while he goes to take a 💩… like what???? You sure???? But fr, he’s so kind and loving 🥰 we’ll be sweating balls and still wake up in each other’s arms ❤️ did I mention the sex is ✨amazing and frequent✨?! 😂
Looking back, I see everything coming out as a blessing. Don’t get me wrong, cheating is an awful thing and it took me a while to heal. But I honestly don’t think I would have had the strength to be done with him otherwise. My dreams were always to have somebody who loved as hard as I do, have a couple of rugrats, and be an engineer, now they’re finally coming true ❤️
**Oh, I bet you’re wondering what I meant by my mom not knowing how karma was a bitch… well, my boyfriend’s best friend is my ex’s BIL (he literally can’t stand him!) and one of my partners at work. Sometimes he’ll tell me the drama going on at the time, not cause I care but more like it’s entertaining. Like Keeping Up With The Kardashians 😂 but since we split; he bought a girl’s nudes on OF that they know in real life (he passed it off as “I didn’t buy them, she just sent them to me.” And even though the OF girl showed her the receipts she believed him), she faked a pregnancy for 7 months, and they’re currently in the process of getting evicted from their second apartment 🤣🤣🤣 ahhh, sucks to suck! 🖕🏻

I understand that this topic is quite controversial here, but I am still posting it to see if anyone can give any advice, or had any similar experience.
Also is this how course ranking is, in descending order : B. Tech, Bsc. Maths, Bsc. Cs/IT, BCA?
Hello, so I'm a 18 year boy from a small village in Punjab. I've gotten just enough score in JEE for NIT, metallurgy, but I want CSE.
My father died even before I started going to school. My mother was force married to this wealthy, "old" man, 8 years gap at a young age. He is alcoholic and physically abusive. Despite being rich and owning a big bungalow, luxury car, and farm, he refuses to pay for my college.
Whenever I discuss something about college with him, he always ask about "fee". He taunts me about that my pg fees is "10,000" a month, which frankly isn't much. Considering it's the lowest I can get.
On the other hand, my mom is actually supportive to me. She understands my situation. She sold her gold jewelry to pay for my college fees, and is even willing to become a mathematics teacher in high school. She has degree in mathematics from a tier 1 college, so it shouldn't be a problem.
Due to some weird inheritance laws, her brother got all property, farm and all the money, while my mother only got gold, but still, she refuses to speak against it. I don't want to put much stress on her, so I've decided to take a partial drop in BCA or bsc. CS/IT/Math course as the fee will be significantly lower as compared to B. Tech. I will also be using this time to study for JEE advance, making new projects for Github, and improving the one I already have.
So my question is, am I eligible for any reservations or any relaxations? We are Hindu, general. Due to my stepdad's wealth, we can't apply for gen-EWS. I am pretty sure I have autism and some other mental problems like anxiety, trauma, but I've never been formally diagnosed before. A therapist did an informal diagnosis though. Can anyone please guide me through it? Like what's the diagnosis process like, and pros and cons of it.

My (37f) boyfriend (45m) and I have been together for 3 years, living together for nearly 1. Earlier today, we were in the car, driving to see my mom, who lives in a nursing home an hour away. The radio station mentioned an artist and he said “my wife’s uncle used to work with her.” I said “what?” because, surely, I had heard him wrong. Nope, he repeated what he said and as soon as I reacted, he said it was a slip of the tongue and his brain wasn’t working. He has NEVER in the past referred to her as anything other than his ex.
Needless to say, the drive was mostly quiet, except for the few times I snapped at him. When we got home, after some time of giving him the silent treatment, he tried to unlock the apartment door and I yelled at him (he has a habit of punishing himself by sitting in the car and it’s far too hot for that; besides, he has a history of depression and, despite my anger, I was afraid he was going to do something stupid). He started crying (he’s extremely emotional) and I immediately became more enraged than I already was. I told him he didn’t get to pull that card, that he needs to put his big boy pants on and go sit down and deal with what he said like a fucking adult.
Later, he asked if we could talk about it. I was still angry and asked him what he wanted me to say. He apologized again, and I told him that during the first two years of our relationship, he put me through hell with his divorce (some backstory: they were separated, but he was still living in the house they owned until he moved in with me. Every time I asked, it was “soon” that he was going to leave the house. They shared cats together, and I know he didn’t want to leave them, which I totally get as a cat owner, but he was emotionally destroying me in the process. He didn’t even fight her for the house and it still took 2 years for him to leave, despite 15 years of emotional and financial abuse. One of the cats had passed in those 2 years, and the other two went not long after he moved in). I told him I didn’t even know if the divorce was real because he’s never shown me any paperwork/proof.
The fact that he kept me “secret” for those two years (he had Facebook, but when I mentioned my insecurities about being him not talking about me and her still having “married” as her relationship status - which she still does to this day! - he deleted FB), the fact that I still haven’t met his family, it’s obviously all screwing with me.
The anger has subsided, and now I’m honestly just gutted. I love him, and he’s honestly a good man who takes care of me, but this has dredged up so many feelings from the beginning of our relationship and I don’t know what to do.

I have a movie that’s been messing with my mind! I want to say 80’s-90’s(I was born 99 but my sisters are much older than me) Halloween theme movie. It’s not little monsters or anything like that. I’ve googled relentlessly. There’s a young boy maybe 12-14 years old. There’s one pink fuzzy monster and one purple one. Their names kinda rhyme I believe. I can picture it. The boy found the monsters at one point eating his candy wrappers and throwing the candy on the floor I think? It’s all live action and the monsters are fuzzy suits on humans I’m sure. I don’t know much else about the movie as I was so young. I do know it was on a vhs with 3-4 different movies on it so it could’ve been some tv special my mom recorded. I remember the boy opening the door I believe and the two monsters were kind of friendly and introduced themselves. The literally sat there eating his candy wrappers! Please for the love of god, help!!

I liked them, I was into TMS since age 6 so at 19 and in college there was no real challenge, just a quick look to Reasoning Book, my timer on and go talking.
The less I prepared them, the better they got. One time I had to give the same #4 at the main an secondary "stage" (I don't know the name of the "B" or small roon in English JW Lingo). I was kind of the golden boy, and while attending college the view of me giving the #4 and not dropping in my preaching hours were a good sign that I was "navigating through the treacherous waters of college"
I remember trying to sneak some "science" into my talks as I was studying a degree in healthcare. I miss that adrenaline rush of being assigned on the spot and going up the platform to "save the evening".
All that public talking was for sure of good use in my life up to this day. I would like to hear from the sisters how was the #3's... My mom was the kind of sister that made a word by word script... How tedious for the poor sisters assigned with her!!!

I understand that this topic is quite controversial here, but I am still posting it to see if anyone can give any advice, or had any similar experience.
Hello, so I'm a 18 year boy from a small village in Punjab. I've gotten just enough score in JEE for NIT, metallurgy, but I want CSE.
My father died even before I started going to school. My mother was force married to this wealthy, "old" man, 8 years gap at a young age. He is alcoholic and physically abusive. Despite being rich and owning a big bungalow, luxury car, and farm, he refuses to pay for my college.
Whenever I discuss something about college with him, he always ask about "fee". He taunts me about that my pg fees is "10,000" a month, which frankly isn't much. Considering it's the lowest I can get.
On the other hand, my mom is actually supportive to me. She understands my situation. She sold her gold jewelry to pay for my college fees, and is even willing to become a mathematics teacher in high school. She has degree in mathematics from a tier 1 college, so it shouldn't be a problem.
Due to some weird inheritance laws, her brother got all property, farm and all the money, while my mother only got gold, but still, she refuses to speak against it. I don't want to put much stress on her, so I've decided to take a partial drop in BCA or bsc. CS/IT/Math course as the fee will be significantly lower as compared to B. Tech. I will also be using this time to study for JEE advance, making new projects for Github, and improving the one I already have.
So my question is, am I eligible for any reservations or any relaxations? We are Hindu, general. Due to my stepdad's wealth, we can't apply for gen-EWS. I am pretty sure I have autism and some other mental problems like anxiety, trauma, but I've never been formally diagnosed before. A therapist did an informal diagnosis though. Can anyone please guide me through it? Like what's the diagnosis process like, and pros and cons of it.

Hello, so I'm a 18 year boy from a small village in Punjab. I've gotten just enough score in JEE for NIT, metallurgy, but I want CSE.

Father's situation

My father died even before I started going to school. My mother was force married to this wealthy, "old" man, 8 years gap at a young age. He is alcoholic and physically abusive. Despite being rich and owning a big bungalow, luxury car, and farm, he refuses to pay for my college.
Whenever I discuss something about college with him, he always ask about "fee". He taunts me about that my pg fees is "10,000" a month, which frankly isn't much. Considering it's the lowest I can get.

Mother's situation

On the other hand, my mom is actually supportive to me. She understands my situation. She sold her gold jewelry to pay for my college fees, and is even willing to become a mathematics teacher in high school. She has degree in mathematics from a tier 1 college, so it shouldn't be a problem.
Due to some weird inheritance laws, her brother got all property, farm and all the money, while my mother only got gold, but still, she refuses to speak against it. I don't want to put much stress on her, so I've decided to take a partial drop in BCA or bsc. CS/IT/Math course as the fee will be significantly lower as compared to B. Tech. I will also be using this time to study for JEE advance, making new projects for Github, and improving the one I already have.
So my question is, am I eligible for any reservations or any relaxations? We are Hindu, general. Due to my stepdad's wealth, we can't apply for gen-EWS. I am pretty sure I have autism and some other mental problems like anxiety, trauma, but I've never been formally diagnosed before. A therapist did an informal diagnosis though. Can anyone please guide me through it? Like what's the diagnosis process like, and pros and cons of it.

It's so stupid and minor, but I'm just all wound up about it and could use a space to share with people who understand and where I can get some support. And maybe some sympathy, I'm not opposed to that, I'm feeling pretty bummed but a little guilty because I feel like my stepparent problems are really small compared to what other people go through.
My BM is not high conflict by any means. We're just different people. I'm more of a planner and I work with DH to give my SS a lot of structure at our house. He's a great kid, he's doing awesome. BM loves him, I believe she is a good mom.
But she cannot get this kid to bed on time. Or won't. I don't know. I can't figure it out. I just can't relate. I don't know if it's just really different at our house or what, but we get kiddo to bed on time, read a book, and do a bedtime call with BM pretty much like clockwork. We've got a routine. It's not always easy breezy, but honestly, it is 90% of the time.
When SS is with BM my husband and I are waiting around for the bedtime call for. . . who knows how long. Tonight was 45 minutes after bedtime. Like, we are child-free when he's with her, I'm very happy to be on the bedtime call and say goodnight to this sweet boy. But I also would like to enjoy my night, maybe have a drink, maybe have a little after dark time with my husband, you know?
Also, kiddo is still really young - he needs his sleep! We have had several challenges over the last few months due to SS just being dog tired. It got to the point DH reached out to BM to chat about it, and apparently that went well. She agreed, kiddo needs more sleep.
But it's like there's always an exception at her house. Can't get him to bed because he fell asleep at 6pm and slept until 8pm, so he's not tired at bedtime. Can't get him to bed because they lost track of time. Can't get him to bed because it's a weekend and YOLO.
It frustrates me to no end but I don't want to make waves about it because it's not worth disrupting things between our households. We have a good thing with BM, I'm honestly very grateful for her. But like I said, we're different people. I need structure, so a big part of it is me feeling really uncomfortable and annoyed because I feel like I'm waiting around for a bedtime call and I don't know when to expect it and that stresses me out a lot.
Also, I'm grateful for DH because he agrees with me and listens to me when I'm frustrated.
Just tell me I'm not crazy for thinking kiddo should go to bed. . . or at the very least, let's establish a set time for the bedtime call every evening. I'm just trying to live my life.

For the first time in my 4 year relationship, I've taken the next step to watch my kids and future SS when my fiance is working (I WFH) over the summer. He and I both share 50/50 custody of our kids and our 'on weeks' occur at the same cadence. Before, we always make sure to do activities with all of us together (fiance included), so now that it's only me with the kids, I know I will experience challenging behaviors from SS, and I would like advice.
Please note: My SO and I have had many many discussions and he's on board and recognizes these things. We do communicate and work together on them as they arise, but I also would like outside perspectives.
SS is a very sensitive boy, and he is used to being babied, so to speak. I feel that since he's getting older, his bio parents should give him counseling to help manage his strong emotions, stop allowing him to sleep in their bed. Side note: SS only does it when we aren't there (on occasion, not every night) so I know he can refrain from asking my SO. Bio parents and his Nana could also stop allowing him to control all the planning when he is with them. When his Nana is around and SS interrupts a conversation that I am having with SO, Nana will yell at my SO, saying 'SS is talking to you!' as if we are ignoring SS when he interrupted in the first place. We don't ignore him either, just don't want to encourage him interrupting all the time.
The times that I've watched all the kids by myself, it's clear that this kid has some boundary issues. Do I blame him? No, absolutely not. However, I know it's going to be a challenge to teach him how to share his time when he is with us, but also in a way that doesn't make him feel uncomfortable in his own home. I definitely don't want to turn into the evil stepmom scene, I just want to cultivate a safe environment where he respects my role in his life.
Side note: Aside from that, please keep in mind this kid is has another side where he's very kind, helpful, Loving and accepting of me and my kids, so please don't interpret this as if he's completely out of control. He respects me to a certain point, I'm just hoping to break certain habits that he's learned.
Boundary issues/power struggles that I have encountered:

1. On my WFH days, when my fiance is off work but doing chores, SS will interrupt me, when I'm in a meeting with a client, to show me a stuffie, a game, etc. He just really wants my attention no matter how many times we explain to him this is not acceptable unless there is an emergency. His Nana watches him time to time since his bio mom/dad work odd retail hours and she's a few houses down the road from my fiance. She always says that when she's WFH and watching him, that he never does this, so I think he is just missing me and catching up. When I'm alone with the 3 kids and WFH, this will be much more challenging.
   
2. He will ask where his dad is at all the time, even after repeatedly telling him that he's at work OR he will ask how much longer until he's coming home. I know this bc I have watched him for a couple of hours before when his dad was running errands. Also, his Nana will sometimes bring him over to his dad's to play a game or shoot basketball while I'm WFH on an off week, leave him there while she mows, and he will ask me how much longer it's going to take her. She never asks, she just does it :/
   
3. He talks about missing his mom. I understand this feeling so so much (I lost my mom to cancer and before that my parents divorced so I can relate). I keep reassuring him that I understand, I give him a hug, and I never pressure him into calling me a mom or anything. The only problem I do have with this is his BM, herself. She still has feelings for my fiance and tries to insert herself or exclude me in events for the sake of SS (even though he doesn't have a problem with my presence). I realize this is a me problem, not an SS problem, but if there is any advice for anyway that I can help take the focus away from him missing his mom. I'm doing everything I can do that I know to do, but I'm not going to try to do everything as BM would to satisfy him. I would rather he appreciate me for me, just another adult who loves him.
   
4. He tells on my boys about every little thing they are doing, so then my boys take on that behavior when they don't normally do that. For example, he gets upset if one of my boys doesn't want to watch a certain movie, play a certain game. If they don't clean up in the exact way that he wants something done (they aren't doing a horrible job, SS is just a little neater so I don't get onto them for that). I do set rules specific to my boys so they aren't encroaching on his space, but I can't oblige everything to cater to SS.
   
5. Examples of power struggles that he has with me:
   

Situation 1 SS "(Bk1) is using my bathroom." Me "ok, why don't you use your dad's restroom, nobody's using it". SS (shakes his head yes, walks away silently, and cries in his room, rather than using his dad's bathroom).
After this I asked my boys not to use his bathroom if the other one is not being used. I also told them not to go into his room unless they are invited in when we are there. It seems like this has helped.
Situation 2 Me "I'm going to take all 3 of you to a movie tonight after dinner (it was during Christmas break)." After cooking food that I know SS likes but it was not cooked like Mommy does it SS goes "I'm not hungry. My tummy hurts" (as he's handing me his full plate) Me "Oh, that's too bad. I'm sorry you aren't feeling well. It's not a good idea to go see a movie if you aren't feeling well, I will let the boys know." SS "I'm starting to feel better. " (Proceeds to eat dinner.)
Situation 3 Playing a board game, there are struggles with who goes first. I make them rock, paper, scissors for it. He cries if he loses it.
Situation 4 When planning anything, I can't ask the boys for their input. He takes over and then gets angry when I work out compromises to make everyone happy. It's like, if my boys are around, he can't handle when he doesn't get his way 100% of the time.
There are so many more instances like that when it's just me and the 3 boys. Anybody deal with something similar where you are trying to balance what everyone wants, but you run into so many power struggles?
Thank you for reading if you made it this far!!

Bit of backstory, my grandpa is almost 85 years old. I had fond memories of him when I was little, but he always had a stubborn side that made everyone a little pissed at him. He frequently did things without telling anyone. One time, he felt his couch wasn't as soft as it used to be so he would go out in the morning and return with a new one without telling grandma. This caused quite a lot of arguements between them.
He was visting for the weekend. I woke up and headed downstairs and saw a note saying that my mom and him had already ate and left for church. On the table, under a tray there was bacon, eggs, and mashed potatoes. They were right next to each other and used the same plates. Figured, it was for breakfast and lunch since my mom had to do laundry later and didn't want to cook. I usually eat before going jogging but on this particular morning I wasn't hungry and decided to eat after I got back. After my jog, I got home a little earlier than them and sat down to eat. Once I got my plate set up is when I heard them coming in. I was checking my phone first when he suddenly ran up to the table and grabbed the mashed potatoes. I was startled and asked him what's wrong. He then explained:
"Boy, I made this for the rats in my house. Mixed rat killer in here and was gonna bring it back home as bait."
My Grandfather made mashed potatoes and mixed rat poison in it and then put it right next to actual food. He didn't tell me or my mom. He knowingly placed in on under the tray right next to actual food. He said that he had this sudden idea just this morning and didn't bother to tell us because that was it concerning him and his rat infestation at his home.
Hearing this, my mom (his daughter) went wild and dragged him outside to yell at him for a good 15 minutes. After a while they came back inside, he didn't even apologized. He walked head down straight to our couch and turned on the TV.
I lost my appetite after that ordeal. If did my usual morning routine and ate before jogging. I would be in the hospital right about now.

This was going to be a promotional post, but now it's probably more of a vent post. It isn't really an indie gamedev specific thing as much a general artist thing, I guess.
Gosh, this life is frustrating sometimes. I'm not some wet-behind-the-ears greenhorn. I've been through a lot of rodeos over the past 20 years. I've built games on games, video and tabletop, and I've even "shipped" a commercial video game nearly five years back, one that I remain pretty proud of. I've been in gallery shows, run a few kickstarters that sort of, kind of, if you squint could be counted as "successful" (in that they reached their goals and I fulfilled the rewards well and in a reasonable time ... although the amounts were small and would be quickly burnt through just to survive) and several unsuccessful ones as well. I designed and illustrated an entire 78 card tarot deck, with fully painted major and minor arcana, by hand just last year (that was my largest successful KS, which raised about 5k, though I got to keep, like ... negative 1k when all was said and done - print media can really screw you over is even one little thing is off kilter).
I have seen C-Beams Glitter off of Tannhauser Gate!
And for a while it felt like I was making incremental progress towards ... something. This year, however, it's been crickets no matter what I do. I've never been good at marketing, of course, but I spent such a long time building a base on twitter, and then it was all just ... gone, in a snap of Elon Husk's finger. So even the tiny, tiny, tiny niche reach I was able to get in past years on there just kind of disappeared.
I was never looking for wealth. I was just hoping to find ways to keep this ultimately unsustainable sort-of-hobby, sort-of-passion, sort-of-job going.
On the one hand, it's really hard not to give up, because even the better years have never been "good."
On the other hand, I just don't even know what else I'd even do if I did give up. It's not like something I tried for a bit. It's a decades long "career."
Other people have, like, friends, alternative careers, families, I dunno ... sports? I like having the former, but once you get old enough, all your friends marry, reproduce, and move, and nobody wants to hang out with that one sad person who is still single and childless at almost 40, compulsively pursuing their "dream" of making artsy video games, and paintings, and tarot cards in their basement ... and then eventually their literal mom's basement, once their biggest nervous breakdown runs its course and they can no longer sustain a day job.
So, like, where do I even GO if I want to give up? Like, say I actually wanted to just never make art or games or anything at all (doing it on the side is ... a thought, but my executive dysfunction isn't really that flexible or versatile, so chances are good that it wouldn't pan out like that)? Where would I go that'd allow me to have a life in which I have any motivation left to get out of bed? Because my little projects are currently the only reason I do. It's all I really care about, when I wake up, when I go to sleep... Who even am I outside of that?
I should probably just do what my therapist suggests and apply for disability (because boy howdy, am I disabled as all hell) and then just sort of quietly make whatever I want until I die.
That'd almost be nice, just not having to worry about where the next meal is coming from, even if it's hardly a life of luxury or comfort. But, you know, they don't just hand out disability benefits willy nilly. It'd be a long, drawn out legal process with no guarantees. It can take upward of four years to get that sorted. That's plenty of time to starve to death in the meanwhile, should the situation change even a little bit for the worse.
Sigh.
Well, in any case, don't get me wrong. There's a lot to be grateful for, and I do have a lot of fight still left in me, somehow ... surprisingly enough. Every time I think I'm down for the count, I do seem to get up and go back in for another round, like some demented art zombie. I am just not sure ... why? I guess technically we can all ask why over and over again and never really find an answer. Why anything? Why something instead of nothing?
I've gotten back into doing game jams lately, and that has helped a good deal in the short term. Better to have smallish goals and concrete deadlines than have to worry about vague, unspecified oceans of possibility and impossibility.
It's just lately, by which I mean basically the past decade, I've been feeling like if I stop working on any given day then I immediately lose at some nebulous game the outcome of which will serve as the final judgment for my very existence. So I keep working, and working, and working ... and of course, none of that work is ever really reflected in my bank account. I'd be homeless now if my parents didn't generously let me back into the nest.
And in the light of all of that, what IS video games? What is development? Art? Sacrifice? I dunno.
Makes ya think.
Go ... pledge to ... thing ... I guess? (thing and links to thing are excluded intentionally from this post, since pity is not exactly marketing honey).
PS: Sorry if off topic or bad post, mods. Feel free to delete if so. Just getting some stuff off my chest.

When I was ten, I formed a junior detective squad.
Mom bought me the entire box set of What's New Scooby Doo, and I was inspired to start my very own detective gang. I held auditions outside the gymnasium at recess (serious enquiries only) after a number of kids tried to apply for the role of Scooby Doo despite me reiterating I was not interested in playing make believe.
When I was laughed at in class, I made posters strictly asking for SERIOUS wannabe detectives, even going as far as using my Mom’s printer to make flyers, sticking them all over the school.
Auditions were simple. I asked them to solve a simple riddle.
Whoever impressed me got to sign their name down, and I’d get back to them.
I spent three days sifting through kids who definitely had charm, but they lacked the intelligence of a junior detective. Most kids were only auditioning to make fun of me, anyway.
Still, though, I didn't give up.
My flyers had five requirements:
1). You had to be smart.
2). You were not allowed to be a scaredy cat.
3). You had to accept your inevitable death at the hands of our town’s evil villains.
4). You had to have a fully registered driving licence (I quickly changed this to a bike).
5). You cannot have a criminal record.
(I later scribbled this one out, writing over it. *“You cannot have any tardies.”
Narrowing the applicants down to three kids, all of whom failed to share my enthusiasm for solving cases. The kids I picked didn't even know how to make plans, and when I invited them to my house, they stole my Mom’s necklace.
I didn't even need to solve the mystery of who stole Mom’s necklace. The girl was wearing it at school. I punched her in the face, and was immediately sent to the principal’s office. When I was being given the mother all lectures, the door quietly opened, a head peeking through.
It was Ben Callows, a freckly kid with overgrown brown hair hanging in his eyes. Ben really needed a haircut.
He was always wearing the exact same baseball cap, and I found myself wondering if it was permanently glued to his head, stuck on top of unruly brown curls practically matted to his forehead.
In class, Ben was also known as Bloody Ben. In the second grade, the boy had a nosebleed in the middle of a spelling test, bleeding all over his paper.
It's not like he didn't try and detach himself from the name.
Ben brought in Digimon cards, so kids would call him Digimon Ben instead.
Then he “accidentally” spilled yoghurt down his shirt in hopes we would call him Yoghurt Ben. But no. The kids in our class were relentless in reminding him of his name. No matter what he did, he was still Bloody Ben, and when anything related to blood came up in class, fifteen pairs of eyes would swivel to him, like he had invented the concept of bleeding.
I feared the nickname would follow him to junior high.
Ben didn't wait to be let in. He didn't even knock, striding in with his arms folded. Over the years, Bloody Ben, had definitely soured his personality.
He smiled rarely, and when he did smile, someone was falling over or hurting themselves.
Which definitely strengthened the claims of him being a sociopath.
The rumor mill was churning, with the latest claiming Bloody Ben killed his cat. That wasn't true. Ben’s cat was seventeen with cancer, and that was why he was sobbing all the way through reading time.
According to Ellie Daly, however, Ben had killed and dissected his kitty, and buried her in his Mom’s flowers.
Now, my principal did not like being interrupted, especially when she was in the middle of screaming at me.
Principal Marrow was old old (like, thirty, in my ten year old mind) stick thin like a pencil, and always wore the same stained sweater.
She used to be pretty, but I was convinced she had kissed a frog and been cursed. After our old principal suffered a stroke, she stepped in as a temporary replacement, and since becoming principal, had banned my favorite book series, colored shoe laces, and hamburger helper, even officiating a uniform.
(vomit green shorts and a tee, and plain white sneakers).
Kids were convinced she was a witch, and I kind of believed it.
Principal Marrow’s whole existence was built on sucking the fun out of school.
I was already reprimanded for my mystery gang flyers.
Her office smelled of peppermint and she was definitely sneaking sips of whisky in her coffee cup. I could see the bottle sticking out of the trash.
She straightened up, folding her arms across her chest, squinty eyes narrowing at the boy. I had spent the whole time she was lecturing me trying not to cry, my fists bunched in my lap.
I took the distraction as the perfect opportunity to swipe at my eyes, allowing myself to breathe.
Ben Callows was her victim now.
I was right. The woman's voice was like a thunderclap in my ears.
“You better have a good reason for not knocking, young man.”
Ben wasn't fazed by her tone. “You took my Switch two weeks ago,” he said, “I want it back, or I’m telling my Mom.”
At first, I thought I'd misheard him.
No, I was pretty sure he'd threatened our principal.
I swore I heard all of the breath sucked from the room.
“I'm sorry,” Principal Marrow cleared her throat. Her soft tone was dangerous.
She wasn't being nice. The lady was about to explode.
I could see visible veins straining in her temples, her right eye twitching.
It was straight out of a cartoon.
“Did you forget something, Ben?”
Ben sighed, like she was inconveniencing him.
He held out his hand. “Please can I have my Switch back? It counts as stolen property. Give it back, or I'm telling my Mom.”
The kid put so much emphasis on the word please, I couldn't resist a smile.
I think our principal was too shocked to get angry.
“Get out.” She said, firmly. “I don't have your gaming device.”
“It's in your drawer.” Ben nodded to her desk, “Under your divorce papers and the restraining order ordered by Jake Willow, the seventeen year old boy you've been having math ‘tutoring sessions’ with.” He quoted the air, his gaze lazily rolling to me. “Tutoring”
Principal Marrow went deathly pale, her eyes darkening.
“Benjamin Callows–”
“The school already knows about the restraining order, but your uncle is the head of the Board of Education, so all you get is a slap on the wrist and a warning to leave the boy alone."
Ben continued, and I found myself mesmerised by his words. He was a natural, his expression stoic, mouth curved with satisfaction that wasn't quite a smile. “However.” He held up his phone, pulling it away at the exact moment the teacher attempted to grab it. “You were outside Jake Willow’s house at 6:12am, drunk, and trying to climb through his window, which, I think violates the restraining order, does it not?”
Ben pretended to think real hard, his gaze flicking to the ceiling.
“I mean, I'm just a kid, right?” His mouth curled into the hint of a smirk
“What do I know, huh?”
Principal Marrow’s expression twisted, her lip wobbling.
“Mr Callows, remove yourself from my office, or I am calling your father.”
Leaning comfortably against the door, Ben’s lip twitched.
“Why? Are you planning on telling my Dad about your relations with a teenage boy, or will I have to tell him instead?”
I was enthralled, and fully disgusted, making a move to inch away from the woman.
“But it doesn't end there.” Ben continued. He straightened up, taking slow, intimidating steps towards the woman's desk. “You don't even want Jake, do you? Because, once upon a time, you were in love with his father. Jason Willow. You despised him for rejecting you, so you decided to defile his son.” Ben leaned over the principal’s desk, slipping his hand into the drawer, and pulling out his switch.
Painfully slowly.
She stood there, speechless, her shoulders trembling.
Ben smiled, and I found myself liking it.
“Thank you!” He said, waving the console in her face. Ben mimed locking his mouth and throwing away the key.
“My lips are sealed.”
Ben’s half lidded eyes found mine. “Are ya coming, Panda?”
I forgot my own nickname.
Panda.
I wore my Mom’s eyeliner because I thought it looked cool.
It did not.
Finding my breath, I snapped out of it.
Jumping up, I followed him out of the office, and when the two of us were safely on the hallway, I burst into hysterical giggles. “How did you know all of that?!” I whisper- shrieked.
Ben surprised me with a splutter. “Wait. You believed me?”
Something very cold trickled down my spine.
I stopped walking. “You lied?”
He shrugged. “I had a dig around her office before she caught me a few days ago,” Ben swung his arms, a smile curling on his mouth. “There's no restraining order, but there is prescription anti-psychosis medicine, and an extremely detailed story on her laptop about a teachestudent romance, which I presume is a self insert.”
Ben shot me a sickly grin. “The school refused to make her condition public.”
He prodded at his own cotton shirt embroidered with the school emblem.
“Why do you think she's made all these dumb rules? The woman is a certified Looney Tune.”
I nodded slowly. “Wait. What about Jake and his dad?”
“I made them up.”
I choked out a laugh. “And… the video?”
Ben walked faster, pulling out his phone and shoving it in my face. The video was real. Principal Marrow was walking around in circles, draped in her nightgown. “It's her own house,” he explained. “She locked herself out.”
Nodding slowly, I was in awe. Bloody Ben was kind of fucking amazing.
“But the restraining order isn't real.”
Ben raised a brow, coming to an abrupt halt. It was his smile that cemented his place in my gang. His lack of empathy for a woman he had gaslit into being a disgusting human being. Ben Callows wasn't exactly what I was looking for, but he fascinated me. Maybe for the wrong reasons. “Her filing cabinets are filled with tinned cat food, Panda,” he said with an exaggerated sigh, “I’m not psychic, but I thiiiiink we’ll be okay.”
I turned to him, unable to stop myself jumping up and down with excitement.
“Will you be my first?!”
Ben inclined his head. “Will I be your what?”
I shook my head. “Sorry. I mean, will you join my mystery gang?”
The boy’s eyes lit up, and I shoved him playfully.
“To solve real cases,” I corrected myself. “Not make them up.”
Ben wore a real, proper smile. But there was something in his eyes, a darkness that was so hollow and polluted and wrong, I pretended not to see it for the sake of his smarts and intellect. “Well, if you insist, sure!” Ben held out his hand, and I shook it. I'll be your first.”
We found our second member, who was, ironically, looking for her glasses under the table in class. Lucy Prescott, the quiet girl, was born to be with us.
The class eraser went missing, and she found it in the blink of an eye.
When questioned, Lucy’s face turned as red as her hair. “I asked everyone in the class and followed the clues to the last person who had it,” she pointed to Chase Simpson. “Which was Chase, who was throwing it at Marcus Calvin.”
Twisting around in my chair, I aimed to get Ben’s attention. But he was already looking at me, chin resting on his fist, eyes ignited with excitement.
The two of us cornered Lucy after class, and when she motioned for us to get back, I dragged Ben (who was a little too excited) to my side.
Lucy looked mildly horrified when I said, dangerous cases, though her expression pricked with intrigue.
She agreed, her gaze lingering on Ben, cheeks smouldering.
Our last two members were a surprise.
Violet Evergreen was what you would call popular on the middle school hierarchy. Not just because her mother was the mayor, but because Violet could get away with murder. The girl refused to wear the school uniform, coloring a single purple streak in her hair to cement herself as the it girl.
She was also one of the girls who started the Bloody Ben rumor.
Ben, Lucy, and I were sitting on the grass during recess, trying to come up with a name for our detective service, when Violet came storming over, hands planted on her hips. She was copying how her mother held herself during town meetings.
“What are you doing?” Violet demanded.
Lucy opened her mouth to answer, Ben nudging her to shut up.
“Making a mystery gang.” I told her. “Why?”
Violet inclined her head. “Oh.” She folded her arms. “Well, can I join?”
Ben stood up, stepping in front of the girl. Violet didn't move, stubbornly standing her ground. “Sure.” Ben flashed a grin that didn't quite reach his eyes. He stepped closer to her, his smile widening. “If you can pass the test.”
Violet’s lip curled. She took a single step back. “What kind of test?”
Ben nodded to me. “Meet us at the swimming pool at 8pm.”
To my surprise, Violet nodded. “Do I need to bring anything?”
“Nope!”
8pm. The four of us met outside the local swimming pool.
Violet was already on the other side of the fence, waving.
“Hey guys!”
I noticed Ben’s expression, his eyes darkening, lip curling.
Still though, he maintained positivity, vaulting over the fence.
“You made it!”
I followed him, helping Lucy, who was immediately freaking out. I didn't blame her. The pool looked cold and dark, a hollow oblivion carved into the ground.
Ben and Violet stood on the edge, the two of them shoulder to shoulder.
Violet Evergreen was braver than I thought.
Standing with her arms at her sides, Violet's hands clenched into fists.
“What's the test?” Violet said, her gaze glued to bleeding black depths.
“I don't know,” Ben murmured, his voice teetering on a giggle. He leaned forwards, arms spread out. “I didn't think you'd actually come meet us.”
Violet hummed, stretching out her leg, teasing it across the surface. “Was that the test?”
The boy leaned back. I caught the glint of a grin under the floodlights. “Nah.”
Before I knew what was happening, he shoved Violet into the pool. The girl didn't scream or shriek, she just hit the surface, sinking into pitch dark nothing.
“Sink or swim,” Ben said in a low murmur, when Violet’s head bobbed under water. I could see her shadow under the surface, imagining the freezing cold depths pulling her down.
“Drown, and you can't join us.”
It was so quiet, suddenly. The three of us staring into rippling water.
A minute passed, and my tummy started to twist.
“Fuck.” Ben’s expression stayed stoic. I wasn't expecting him to say a bad word.
He cocked his head. “I thought she could swim.”
I hit him, holding in a cry. “You need to get our parents!”
But he didn't listen to me, taking a single step, and dropping into the pool.
I fell to my knees, scanning the water.
Lucy was crying. “Are they dead?!” she shrieked.
“Shhh!” I was watching two shadows lingering under the water.
Violet broke through. I expected her to be crying, but her expression was unwavering. She was silent. I thought the splashing underneath her was her legs trying and struggling to tread water, before Lucy shoved me. Hard.
“Panda! What do we do?!”
Looking closer, Violet was perfectly still, her gaze on the sky.
While she shoved Ben under the water, drowning him.
Violet’s eyes sparkled, and somehow, I knew she belonged in my gang.
Her gaze found mine, glinting with that darkness, that poisonous streak I found myself drawn to. It was a starving, insatiable need to understand a fractured mind. Know your enemy.
“Do you want to see if Ben’s a witch?” Violet asked me, her tone something else entirely. This girl did not make sense, using barely her finger to drown Ben Callows. I knew she was wrong.
I knew there was something loose, something unlocked and unbridled and drowning inside her mind and heart.
But I wanted more of her. I wanted Violet Evergreen in my detective gang.
I think that is why I stood there, frozen.
When the thrashing stopped, Ben broke through.
He wasn't coughing or spluttering, his head inclined. “You didn't drown.”
Violet climbed out of the pool, offering her hand. “And you're not a witch.”
He declined her hand, taking the steps instead.
I asked Violet in a shaky voice. I was trembling with terror, but I was excited.
Exhilarated.
“Violet, will you join my gang?”
She didn't answer me until we were sharing hot cocoa in my house.
I told Mom we fell in the pool, and she believed me. I should have told her that my friends were sociopaths, and I was kind of maybe in love. Violet sipped her cocoa, nodding with a smile I didn't recognise. Violet never smiled at school.
Well, she did. But it was always the prick of a cruel smirk.
I don't think her smile was genuine, but she was definitely enjoying herself.
Our last member came to us, instead of finding him.
Jules Howell, a straggly brunette pushed his way in front of me in the lunch line. I didn't really know the kid.
He sat at the back of the classroom and slept through most of class. I did like his accent though.
Jules had moved from Melbourne in the second grade. He didn't talk much.
When he did, I found myself enveloped in his voice, which sounded like water to me, a bleeding cadence to his tone.
Jules piled his plate with fries, smiling widely at the lunch ladies.
“I saw you last night.” He murmured through that perfectly moulded grin.
“Saw me where?”
“At the pool,” Jules said. “You, Bloody Ben, Violet Evergreen, and that Lucy girl. You were doing a suiciding pact.”
“That's not what we were doing.” I said, “What's a suiciding pact?”
“When you kill yourself together.” Jules said. “I saw it in a scary movie my Mom was watching.”
I grabbed a fork. “We weren't doing that.”
His eyes were strange when I took the time to notice them. The excited gleam had fizzled out. Jules’s hands tightened around his tray. “Then what were you doing?”
I didn't reply, making my way over to our usual table. Ben was already waving me over, Violet and Lucy holding up the flyers we were making.
THE REDBLOOD DETECTIVES.”
Do YOU need our help? We can find/solve anything! Contact us on the number below. (We take donations!)
When I bothered turning around, Jules was lost in the crowd of kids.
We were on our first official case, searching for Mrs Lake’s missing mail, when Jules appeared seemingly out of nowhere. And with him, a golden retriever puppy he introduced as Arlo.
It took a dog jumping up at them for Violet and Ben to find their real smiles, their real selves slowly seeping through these facades they had built around themselves. Ben dropped to a crouch, ruffling the dog's ears, his smile faint.
“Who's a good boy?” He chuckled.
Arlo didn't move, tail wagging, eyes bright.
Ben motioned the dog towards him, but Arlo stayed put.
Jules joined us…quietly.
I don't remember asking him, or even him asking me.
He just became part of us, side by side with Arlo.
We soon came to quickly realize that our town was boring.
There were no monsters or thieves, or soul sucking demons. No criminals or serial killers. Not even one missing person. We did, however, get calls about missing cats. I turned eleven years old, patiently waiting for a murder or a kid going missing. But there was nothing.
All we did was chase cats, and the occasional dog. Maybe a budgie if we were lucky. Twelve years old, our detective club became a joke.
The five of us (and Arlo hiding under the table) were trying to pinpoint Mrs Tracy's lost hamster, when three girls came over, dumping their soda all over us.
We watched crime shows for inspiration on catching killers.
Ben’s favorite crime was one that happened in the 80’s in our town.
2 girls murdered.
Their intestines stuffed into envelopes and mailed to family members.
“That's what we should be solving,” he told me one night, “Not missing cats.”
Thirteen years old, we lay in Violet’s backyard under the cruel glare of the summer sun. We called it working and didn't like to admit it was hanging out, or that we were even friends. However.
That didn't stop us growing closer.
Even if it wasn't quite the way I’d expected.
I proposed a plan, standing up, wobbling a little off balance.
“I've got it.” I said, my voice kinda slurry from Violet’s special summer cocktail, which was just random alcoholic beverages we found, thrown into a blender, and diluted with water.
The town wasn't taking us seriously.
So, we were going to make our own mysteries.
I ordered a full-scale assault on our small town. One that they could not ignore. Ben stamped on Mrs Mason’s flowers, and Lucy threw mud pies at people's cars. Jules trashed the high school gym, and Violet and I spray painted threats and warnings on every store window. Now, this did cause panic, but also an official curfew.
Thirty minutes before curfew, we met in our usual spot, deep in the forest near the lake. Ben yelled at me when I was three minutes late. He was real passionate about finding a real mystery.
“You're late.” Ben was sitting on a rock waving a stick in Arlo’s face.
The dog still wasn't going near him, whining softly.
I took my place, muttering an apology. “I had to lie to my Mom.”
Violet, sitting with her legs crossed, idly digging her manicure into the dirt, suggested we buy mannequins and masquerade them as dead bodies, hanging them from the school rafters.
Lucy, who had slowly grown out of her shell, becoming a lot more outspoken, nudged her. “That's a stupid idea.”
The girl groaned, leaning into her. “Urgh. You're right.”
Jules was the only energetic one, standing on the tireswing.
He jumped down, definitely twisting his ankle.
But his smile only widened, kind of like he enjoyed being in pain.
“Why don't we pretend to be kidnapped?” He said, pulling the hood of his sweatshirt over blondish curls growing out. Jules did a dramatic spin, his eyes shining. “We can ‘go missing’ for like a week, and then when our parents are really scared, we can turn up, and tell them we escaped a kidnapping.” His lips split into a grin.
“And then we solve our own kidnapping!”
Ben awkwardly patted Arlos head, only for the dog to pull away with a snort.
“I like it,” he murmured. “I'm in.”
Jules’s idea was stupid.
But.
It was worth a shot.
The five of us agreed to meet the morning after with enough food and supplies for a week. Then we were going to hike to the next town, and hide out for a week. It was an almost perfect plan, using ourselves as victims of our own mystery.
Packing as much as I could, I kissed my mother goodbye (I told her my pack was for a picnic) and set off to the rendezvous we agreed on.
When I arrived, I was the first one there. I checked and re-checked my pack.
I waited ten minutes, unable to contain my excitement.
Then 20 minutes.
It was getting kind of cold.
One hour.
I sat on a rock for enough time to watch the sky change color.
When the clouds were orange, I stood up and stumbled back home. They had gone without me. Mom lectured me when I got home, and I stuck to the plan of pretending my friends had gone missing, even if I they had betrayed me.
Ben said he'd text me when he arrived at the redervous. I at least expected him to text an explanation, but there was nothing. I was in the dark, and after three days of nothing, our town finally began to take us seriously.
“Our children have been kidnapped!” The adults were screaming.
Mom was crying in the kitchen, praying to a god I knew she didn't believe in that I wasn't taken next. I was interviewed and stuck with the exact same story I came up with when I was with the others. Our plan was to return after a week, claiming to be locked up in a dark room with a masked man.
I told my Mother and the other parents that I didn't know where my friends were, repeating the same thing over and over again until I was tongue tied.
“I saw them the day before they went missing, and… yes, everything seemed okay.” I slowly sipped my glass of milk provided, looking the sheriff directly in the eyes.
“No, I didn't notice anything suspicious, sheriff. Yes, I'm sure, sir. No, they didn't tell me anything.”
It was Ben’s mother who shattered my mask.
“Did I know about… what?” I whispered.
Something warm filled the back of my mouth, foul tasting milk erupting up my throat. I leaned forward, trying to look Mrs Callows in the eye. “No, I… I didn't know about Ben’s…condition.”
Mrs Callows was screaming at me about her son’s troubled past when I barfed all over myself, my eyes burning.
In the privacy of my own room, I sobbed until I couldn't breathe.
I tried to tell Mom, but we had come so close.
One more day, and the others would be back.
But that day came. I sat cross legged at our usual spot, which was now covered in police tape. I waited for their thudding footsteps, their laughter congratulating each other for coming up with a great plan. I waited, my face buried in my knees, for my friends.
It was dark when my phone vibrated, and I'd fallen asleep.
I wasn't scared, forcing myself to my feet.
“Where are you?” Mom yelled down the phone.
“Coming home now.” I muttered.
“Sorry.” I paused, holding my breath against a cry. “Mom.” I broke down, forcing my fist into my mouth to hide my squeak. “Mommy, did they come back?”
Mom didn't reply for a moment.
“I'm so sorry, baby.” She whispered, ending the call.
I took my time walking home that night.
There were no stars in the sky.
When a hand clamped over my mouth, I could smell him.
When he dragged me back, stabbing a kitchen knife into my throat, I stared at the sky and looked for stars. His arms were warm around me, violently pulling me into the back of a pickup truck. The pickup truck he'd said he was bringing.
It was his grandfather's, and he could just about drive it.
Hitting the backseat, my body was numb, my thoughts in a whirlwind.
The pickup flew forwards, and I remembered how to move.
I rolled off the seat, my hands pinned behind my back.
Twisting around, blinking in the dim, I could feel something warm, something seeping across upholstery seats. Blood.
It was everywhere, sticky on my hands and wet on my face when I struggled to get up. I was lying in someone's blood.
A scream clawed its way out of my throat.
The pickup flew over a pothole, and something dropped off the seat.
Arlo’s leash.
I screamed again, this time his name gritted between my teeth.
I didn't stop screaming until the jerking movement stopped. The doors opened, pale light hitting me in the face.
Flashlight. Warm arms wrapped around me, pulling me from the car, and then, pulling me by my hair, into our old tree house. It was always our secret place, our saving grace on the edge of town.
The flickering candlelight caught me off guard, illuminating my surroundings.
Two bodies slumped over each other, lying in stemming red.
I felt suffocated, like I was going to die. I screamed, and that warm hand cradled my mouth again, gagging my cries.
Violet and Jules.
There was something wrong with them. And it was only when I forced myself to look closer, when I realized their insides had been carved out, heart, stomach, everything, pulled out.
There was paper on the floor.
No, not paper. Envelopes.
Envelopes stuffed with gore, bright red leaking through white.
Shuffling back, my brain was too slow to react, while my body was trying to vault to my feet, only to be violently pulled back by my ponytail.
I felt his fingers twining around my hair, revelling in my screams.
With another tug, my head was forced forwards.
Orange candlelight felt almost homely, this time lighting up a third body.
Lying on their back, curled up, pooling scarlet dried into the floorboards, their wrists restricted with duct-tape.
I could feel blood underneath me, sticky, a congealing paste.
“Do you know what happened on October 3rd, 1987, in our town?”
Lucy Prescott stood over me, her arms folded across her chest.
I managed to shake my head, when she grabbed Ben’s legs, dragging him under the candlelight. I dazedly watched her stroke the blade of a carving knife, the teeth already stained scarlet. “The intestine murders.” Lucy hummed, tracing the knife down the floorboards.
“A man murdered two high school girls, carving out their insides and sending their pieces to their loved ones.”
Lucy's eyes found mine, ignited in a familiar gleam. I saw it in Principal Marrow’s office. Then the swimming pool. The cafeteria. “It was the sheriff's only murder case, Panda. Ever since then, our town has been boring. There's no mysteries to solve. Nothing to find.”
The girl jumped to her feet, retrieving a blood stained envelope.
She held it up, a smile curved on her lips. The girl turned around, and I heard a horrific squelching sound. Lucy held up a bright red sausage, ripped into it, and slipped it into the white paper.
“But I can change that.” she said, in a giggle.
“I can create a real serial killer, who we can hunt down together.”
Lucy stabbed the blade into the floor, laughing.
“Or! I can bring a fan-favorite back! I can bring the intestine killer back from the dead!”
Her gaze flicked to the others. “There are casualties, of course. The story is, I was kidnapped with Ben, Violet, and Jules. The scary intestine killer killed them, and I managed to get away.”
Lucy shuffled over to me, her eyes wide. “Then! He came back and struck again!”
With those words, she shoved me onto my back.
“First he took Violet,” Lucy hummed, tracing the blade down my shirt.
“Then… Jules.” I squeezed my eyes shut, pulling at the restraints around my wrists. “Then Ben.” her breath tickled my cheek. “And finally… Panda.”
Lucy lifted the knife, and I accepted my death.
Until a low rumble in my ears.
Shouting.
Thundering footsteps, followed by the pitter-patter of paws.
“Lucy!” The sheriff was screaming, and the girl stumbled to her feet, the knife slipping from her fingers. Lucy stumbled, tripping over Ben’s body.
“He got away!” she shrieked. “He…he killed them! Oh, god, please help me!”
I don't think Lucy even realised the traces she'd left behind.
The blood slick on her fingers, her manic, grinning smile full of mania.
I was looking for stars when an officer crouched over me.
I couldn't understand what she was saying.
Her voice was white noise.
“Rachel? Hey, try and sit up, honey. You Mom is on her way.”
Instead of listening to her, I curled into myself.
My gaze found Arlo sticking his nose in Ben’s hair, trying to nudge the boy awake.
I didn't fully register the next few days.
They went by in a confusing blur.
Part of me tried to eat, and spent hours with my head pressed against the toilet seat.
I could still see the slithering, scarlet remains of my friends every time I closed my eyes. There was so much red, soaked in that hunting orange light.
Blood that I could still see, a starless sky that stretched on forever.
Weeks went by.
Then months.
I think I turned 14. I wasn't sure. I didn't feel alive anymore.
I stood at my friend’s funerals with a single rose I dropped into their casket.
Violet’s mother was quick to cover the whole thing up.
Lucy's plan didn't work after all.
Our town’s murder cases stayed stagnant at one.
It's been four years since my friends were murdered by our ’Velma’.
Now, at seventeen, Mom asked if I wanted to visit Lucy in juvie.
I'm not even upset or angry anymore.
I want to know why.
Ben picked me up. Arlo was at his side, wagging his tail.
Ben was…different. He'd dumped his baseball cap and gotten a haircut, swapping his old wardrobe of drab colors for an attempt at changing style.
That day, he looked awkward in a short sleeved tee and shorts.
At school, Ben is no longer Bloody Ben.
Now, he is Survivor Ben.
I’m still Panda.
Every time I was with him, I felt like my soul was being sucked out.
Guilt so deep, so fucking painful, I lost my breath.
I live knowing that I immediately assumed it was him that day.
Ben was barely alive when I found him. Lucy had started to carve into him before remembering she needed me.
After admitting it to him, his lips formed a small smile.
“Can I tell you a secret?” He said to me, at sixteen.
"Yeah?"
Whatever he was going to say, Ben never told me.
Presently, I nodded at the dog’s new collar.
“Peppa Pig themed?”
The boy shrugged, ruffling Arlo’s ears. “FYI, he chose it.”
“It's cute.” I said. “Very… chic.”
We didn't speak the whole ride, but Ben did entangle his hand in mine.
We spent half an hour outside the detention centre. I was panicking, and Ben was trying to hide that he was panicking. In the end, we joined hands, and strode through the doors together.
Lucy greeted us with a wide smile. Just as psychotic.
The orange jumpsuit suited her, though I had zero idea why.
“Hey Arlo!” she giggled at the dog, and Ben pulled the pup onto his lap.
“Ben.” She sighed. “I wish I got to finish you. I would have loved to solve the mystery of your gutted corpse.”
Ben’s smile was wry. “Nice to see you too.”
Behind a glass screen, I asked Lucy one simple question.
“Why?”
Lucy didn't reply. Or she did, but it was just nonsensical bullshit.
But there was one thing she said has stuck with me, chilling me to the core.
I am fucking terrified of Lucy. Of what's she's done, and what she's capable of doing.
It was a throwaway line, and I don't even think Ben noticed.
Or he did, and was in denial.
Lucy's smile was wide, her eyes empty pools of nothing.
The exact same glint in Ben’s eyes.
Jules’s eyes.
Violet’s eyes.
Like something was gnawing away at their psyche, twisting and contorting it, filling them with darkness, poison, that was so vast, so endless, I had craved it as a child. I still don't know what it is.
But I'm going to find it.
Lucy's laugh was shrill, and next to me, Ben didn't move a muscle.
But he did smile.
Yes, my gang were psychos.
But I kind of maybe loved it.
“I don't even wear glasses!”