Spell to make him think of me constantly

Gf(26) of 4 years broke up with me (24) a month ago . There were obviously more factors in play to her deciding things...but a repeated issue between us was that I was not being decisive enough and kind of too "go with the flow". But this time around, we had just started long distance and it had been about 3 months. I was applying for jobs, doing a lot to get to her. She started working and was back home with family. I had been in a place I didn't like so much and expressed how constantly what was going on for me. The max we gave was a year (I planned on 6 months actually). Suddenly after a conversation about a major for studying grad school (just a free education option I was thinking about) since we just finished college...she got upset saying that she can't trust me and I should know about the career outcomes and stop asking for her opinion on what fits me best between some options. Anyways...after, I asked her if she needed time or something (she was acting cold) so she wanted to think for a week abput "her mind". Then bam she said I want out.
Anyways all that was rambling. My real question is, aftee growing and developing and not even struggling with decisions for what was next...she just said you don't really have plans and you are living life for "fun". I then shared a plan (realizing now that she was feeling pressure and urgency that wasn't there before), but she said "you only make this stuff after I say let's break up". Which I still STRONGLY disagree with, it just seemed she was okay with me spending time to make the wisest choice for our future. But turns out this "indecisiveness" came back around and made her turn away again. Then she just went on to say I want a guy more decisive than you and etc. I realize my faults of initiating good conversation and asking good questionz, but even then it just seems she was expecting all this without asking, just gauging to see if I was "there or not". I feel it is unfair for her to say when she just got comfortable and then threw me out because I am still finding my path. And she just started working a job that she was not really planning to do either. I know this is just a rant, and I know the reasons don't matter that much for her wants to leave, but I just want to know if this was my bad or not? I thought things were going well and especially knowing thst weakness of mine, this was a time where I was doing my best! I feel there was just something new that came upon her.

I feel like everyone else in this sub is up to date, but I just started watching this show like yesterday lol.
But I need to speak to someone about Silas. He pisses me off so much it’s not even funny. Apparently his wife (Jasmine? I get all of the girls confused, but that’s another matter) plays some kind of trad wife role when it’s just the two of them, but she’s acting like a modern woman for the most part on this trip. So many weird little things have happened, where if I was her friend, I would be side eyeing them the whole time. The part that finally made have to make a post was him having a temper tantrum about… getting dressed himself? He just made a big deal about her ironing clothes “unnecessarily” according to him the episode before and she accidentally burned his pants, but now he’s upset that she didn’t read his mind and steam his clothes without him asking or offer to help him get dressed. Like you’re a grown man, why do you need help? It was also weird he was going in on her burning the cheese but running around without his wedding ring.
Also he talks about how he likes routines and mansplaining things because he’s in the military 🙄. Mans joined the military as a RESERVIST like a year ago, you’re not even in the military fr, why is it your whole personality. The way he acts you’d think he was 10 years in serving full time and had been living the military life from middle school JROTC.

So, I posted this theory a while back but it seems that most people didn’t read through it due to it being too long. So here I am back again with my best to briefly summarize the theory with the major points of evidence from the comics that I have found. It’s still going to be a lot but, hopefully, this will help get the broad idea across. Then if you have any specific points you can hopefully find them answered in the sections beneath it.
For context, you only need to read the Basic Premise section to get the basic gist of the theory, all the remaining sections are where I outline the evidence to support it.
~Basic Premise~

Nightcrawler is the Winding Way is basically the idea that X-Men’s Nightcrawler got his soul ripped in half when he was a child by his adopted mother – Margali Szardos – who used the magical half of Kurt’s soul to form the source of her power, the Winding Way.
Nightcrawler would have inherited this magical power from Azazel, who he is still technically biologically related to, as well as potentially the combination of genes from Mystique, Destiny, and Baron Wagner.
Amanda Sefton – after seeing Margali use Illyana’s Soul-Sword to obtain power in the Winding Way, took over Limbo to study it before fusing it with Kurt’s soul in the hopes of being able to use the Soul-Sword to undo her mother’s work and restore Kurt to being whole again.
Ultimately, Destiny gave the baby Kurt to Margali knowing full well she would do this to him to hide his true power from Enigma (the Nathaniel Essex that became a Dominion), who she had Kurt concieved in order to defeat.
Additionally, she told Margali of a prophecy about a Soul-Sword falling into Margali’s hands knowing that Margali would attempt to steal Belasco’s Soul-Sword, that Belasco would turn his attention to Nightcrawler to steal that magical power for herself which would result in Illyana being kidnapped by Belasco after he gave up trying to steal the power from Kurt and thus create said Soul-Sword as well as – eventually – the Hope-sword.

~Part 1 – Margali Szardos is the Worst Adoptive Mother of All Time~
Margali Szardos is a powerful witch in Marvel comics who has shown being particularly hungry for magical power – doing everything from manipulating her daughter, Amanda Sefton, into getting her Illyana’s Soul-Sword so that she could use it in a killing spree to obtain magical power from her victims (Excalibur #85), to attempting to steal the power of a demon living under London nearly destroying it in the process (Excalibur #100), to forcibly mind-swapping with her daughter to save herself leaving Amanda to be tortured by Belasco (revealed X-Men: Unlimited #19), opening a magical rift to the World Beyond to obtain its power which forced her daughter to sacrifice herself to close it (4^th Nightcrawler series #1-4), to finally selling Nightcrawler out to ORCHIS to obtain the Hope-sword that was lodged in Kurt’s chest (Legion of X #7-10).
All of these villainous actions raise an important question – why did Margali adopt Nightcrawler? After all, it’s not like Margali went around adopting children – only Nightcrawler. In fact, outside of Kurt, the only other child that Margali has ever displayed an interest in obtaining was a young Scarlet Witch (Mystic Arcanum: Scarlet Witch) which is concerning given just how magically powerful Scarlet Witch is.
This all points to the idea that Margali only took Kurt in because she got something out of it – very likely magical power. This wouldn’t be nearly so concerning if Margali Szardos wasn’t also the Sorceress Supreme of one of the most mysterious and unexplained magical systems in all of Marvel.
~Part 2 – The Winding Way is WIERD~
So, I’m just going to come out and say it - the Winding Way makes no sense in the current understanding of magic in Marvel Comics. Even characters like Dr. Strange – one of Marvel’s masters of magic – has basically no idea how the Winding Way actually operates. There is a data page in Legion of X #9 that outlines the basics of what the Winding Way is and how it operates.
According to the data page, the Winding Way is an exocentric magic system – that is to say a form of magic that is powered by an external source to the user – which its various wielders experience cycles of power and powerlessness. As far as characters like Strange are aware, it remains unclear if there is a physical “Way” or if that is simply metaphor.
The strange thing about the Winding Way is that there is no other magical system in Marvel where this cycle of users having powers and being powerless is even a thing. Whenever an exocentrically powered sorcerer loses their powers, it is always a form of punishment. This is true with Dr. Strange when he lost 99% of his powers back during the War of the Seven Spheres story. This is true with Juggernaut who loses his powers whenever he and Cyttorak – the entity that powers the crimson gem that Juggernaut uses for his powers. It’s even true for someone like Thor and his hammer. No where else in Marvel is there a system of magic where cycles of power is a thing.
All of this raises the question of whether the fluctuating cycles of power the Winding Way are actually a natural part of the Winding Way or whether they due to something else – like, say the power source of the Winding Way trying to continuously punish the various practitioners but being unable to due to their attention being split up.
Ultimately, the only truth that we can glean about the Winding Way is that nobody but the practitioners of the Winding Way ultimately know how it works and even then, characters like Margali and Amanda have proven time and again that their word cannot be trusted.
~Part 3 – the Szardos Family, Cthon, & Wundagore Mountain~
Interestingly, a different Sorcerer Supreme Sgt. Sebastian Szardos – the Sorcerer Supreme of World War II – has his own insights about the Winding Way, though they are rather vague. Firstly, in the 8^th series of Avengers #50, Sebastian claims that the Winding Way has ties with Mt. Wundagore – which was famously the tomb of Cthon before Scarlet Witch absorbed him. This seems to suggest that the Winding Way originates either via Cthon or his creation – the Darkhold.
What is more interesting is that the Winding Way doesn’t seem to be practiced during the time of the Second World War as Sgt. Szardos states that only his great grandmother on his mothers side even knew about the Winding Way – Sebastian himself clearly wasn’t a practicing member. This is peculiar as Margali Szardos demonstrates an unusual amount of familiarity with the position of Sorcerer Supreme in Uncanny X-Men Annual #4 when she stole the Eye of Agamotto off of Dr. Strange with a mere gesture. Given that Sebastian and Margali share the last name and Sebastian was a known former Sorcerer Supreme while Margali – as far as I can tell – has never been, this would seem to suggest that there is some sort of familial connection between Margali and Sebastian. This in turn seems to suggest that the Winding Way experienced some sort of revival with Margali.
My theory is that the Winding Way started out as a sort of ritual that originated with the Darkhold and was initially practiced by the Szardos family over the centuries to siphon power off of Cthon to keep him in check and imprisoned - hence why there are other Szardos clan members such as Theodosia as shown in that run of Avengers. This would mean that if my theory of Nightcrawler being the Winding Way is true, then it would mean that he is only the current source of the Winding Way.
~Part 4 – Nightcrawler is still related to Azazel (and Azazel is a demon)~
Now a major aspect in this is that Nightcrawler is where exactly would Nightcrawler’s magical powers come from? After all, he’s the son of Mystique and Destiny – two mutants with no sort of magical capabilities, right? Well, that’s… complicated.
Firstly, it’s important to note that the X-Men Origins: Blue retcon is… frankly, not very well thought out. There are a bunch of things that it just gets plain wrong and contradict a bunch of previously established X-Men lore – everything from the fact that Destiny would have been too old to give birth to Nightcrawler, to Rogue’s age being way too young (she was adopted by D&M when she was 13 not 5), to the fact that Mystique canonically cannot mimic mutant x-genes - meaning Nightcrawler shouldn’t have teleportation with this retcon, and much, much more. On top of all that, the fact that the only evidence supporting the idea that it ever even happened is from Mystique and Destiny – two of Marvel’s most notorious liars – and you got yourself an extremely messy and rather dubious retcon.
Putting all that aside, going based on what the retcon has established there are a few ways in which Kurt might have inherited some sort of magical power.
Primarily, Kurt is still technically related to Azazel – yes, Mystique “mimicked” Azazel’s DNA in Kurt’s conception but given that in genetics it is the sequence of DNA that matters and not the source of that sequence, Mystique’s “Mimicked” DNA is still ostensibly Azazel’s DNA. Azazel is an established master of dark magic – specifically soul magic – and used to rule over a legit Hell Dimension during the time of Kurt’s birth – making him a legit hell lord similar to Mephisto or Dormammu. Given that Hell Lords are also considered the Sorcerer Supremes (as in the strongest) of their respective dimension, this would suggest that Azazel once held some major power, regardless of if he’s a demon or not. And as it has been established, magic is inheritable as shown with Clea (the daughter of Umar), Daimon Hellstrom (son of Marduk Kurios), and at least half the cast of Strange Academy, it would stand to reason that Nightcrawler could also inherit magical power from him.
Now, I know what you are saying – “But, Azazel isn’t a demon! Chuck Austen said so!” And while, yes, Chuck Austen has clearly gone on record to say that Azazel is only a demonic looking mutant instead of an actual demon, it’s been kind of invalidated by the thing that every other writer for Azazel – including the likes of Chris Claremont – have referred to Azazel as a demon at least once either on-panel or in interviews. And frankly, there’s nothing in the lore that says that Azazel cannot be both a demon and a mutant – after all, Magik is both a demon and a mutant at the same time. And let’s be real here, Chuck Austen doesn’t deserve nice things when it comes to the X-Men.
However, Azazel is not the only DNA that Mystique apparently mimicked – Baron Christian Wagner was also added onto that list for some reason. This is odd as why would Destiny and Mystique feel the need to include Baron Wagner at all in the genetic makeup of Nightcrawler unless there was something special about the Baron. However, the only uniquely genetic thing we learn about him is that he’s seemingly infertile – which may suggest that there is some sort of genetic anomaly going on with him, such as maybe a repressed X-gene.
~Part 5 – Amanda Sefton/Jimaine Szardos history in Marvel Comics~
Another aspect of this theory is that – if it is true – it suddenly explains a lot of what Kurt’s ex, Amanda Sefton has been doing in comics since she was first introduced in 1976. You see, Amanda Sefton followed Kurt back from Germany and began dating him under a different name – which Kurt was not aware of. She only reveals the truth after the events of Uncanny X-Men Annual #4. This unfortunately supports Kurt’s accusation in Uncanny X-Men #206 that Amanda used a spell to make Kurt fall in love with her to begin with – an accusation which Amanda has never confirmed nor denied.
Amanda’s peculiar behavior continued into Excalibur where she was manipulated by Margali into obtaining Illyana’s Soul-Sword from Kitty Pryde – who had previously given the Soul-Sword to Dr. Doom and then Darkoth, with it returning to her both times. Upon obtaining the Soul-Sword, Margali then used it to go on a killing spree against the other members of the Winding Way to obtain their power for herself. Following this, Margali’s failed attempt to steal the power of a demon beneath London, and Kurt and Margali rescuing Amanda from Belasco after Margali body-swapped with her daughter to save her own skin – Amanda ended up taking over Limbo, supposedly in the name of protecting earth.
However, then we have the smoking gun of Amanda’s meddling – during the 3^rd Nightcrawler solo series, it is revealed that Amanda fused the Soul-Sword with Nightcrawler without telling him. Her reason for doing so? “To protect the Soul-Sword from falling into the wrong hands.” This lie is so glaringly bad that not even Nightcrawler buys it and he calls Amanda out for not being honest with him.
~Part 6 – Amanda’s Bad Lie and What it Means~
And frankly why would anyone believe Amanda’s claim? Amanda is a sorceress – which means that she is infinitely more qualified than Nightcrawler to keep the Soul-Sword safe than he is. Even if she couldn’t do so, why didn’t she take the Soul-Sword to someone like Dr. Strange?
On top of that, Amanda took the Soul-Sword away from Kitty Pryde claiming that Kitty wasn’t qualified to keep the Soul-Sword safe due to her not being a trained sorceress. Well, guess who’s also not trained in sorcery and thus – by Amanda’s own logic - would not be able to keep the Soul-Sword safe? Nightcrawler.
Except, Kitty technically was able to keep the Soul-Sword out of the wrong hands – back during Excalibur #37 she phased the Soul-Sword into a rock which even Rachel Summers channeling the power of the Phoenix Force was not able to remove it from – it wasn’t removed until Doom came knocking and got Kitty to willingly remove it for him. So why couldn’t Amanda do something similar? Why fuse it with Kurt and endanger him?
And to top it all off, Amanda still needed the Soul-Sword. She was ruling over Limbo – a dangerous hell dimension full of power-hungry demons. Her magical powers are of the Winding Way – meaning that they wax and wane. So quite literally, Amanda needs the Soul-Sword – a weapon which every demon in Limbo fears – to keep herself in power; something which was proven in New X-Men #37 when Belasco walked back into Limbo and ousted her.
~Part 7 – Amanda took over Limbo to learn about the Soul-Sword~
So, what was Amanda really up to? Well, to understand Amanda’s actions in the 3^rd Nightcrawler series, we first need to go back to Amanda’s actions in previous series. What’s interesting is that Amanda’s interest in the Soul-Sword was first manifest through Margali – who reveals in Excalibur: Minus One that there is a prophecy that the Soul-Sword would pass first into Margali’s hands and then into Amanda’s hands but would result in both of their dooms.
However, Amanda doesn’t really demonstrate any sort of interest in the Soul-Sword until after Margali used it to obtain power in the Winding Way during Excalibur. While she didn’t get the opportunity to act after the events of Margali’s failed London project due to her mother mind-swapping with her, Amanda’s actions in taking over Limbo after X-Men: Unlimited #19 was more likely due to Amanda wanting to obtain and learn more about the Soul-Sword than about her trying to protect earth.
You see, as Limbo was in no position to even threaten earth until Belasco had obtained the Soul-Sword following Margali ending up there – meaning that if Amanda had simply obtained the Soul-Sword and left Limbo, Limbo would not have been able to endanger Earth. Instead, Amanda stayed. Why? Because if there was anywhere in the universe where you wanted to learn about a Soul-Sword and how it works, Limbo is the dimension to do so.
~Part 8 – Nightcrawler and Magik are… Soulmates?~
So, why did Amanda fuse the Soul-Sword with Nightcrawler? Well, ultimately because a major function of the Soul-Sword is that it can be used as a countercharm which can undo other spells – potentially meaning that Amanda could use it to undo the Winding Way and restore the two halves of Kurt’s soul back together again.
However, another aspect of the Soul-Sword is that it is dangerous to magical creatures and Kurt’s magical soul would already be weakened after years of being separated. Amanda must have figured that if she bonded the non-magical half of Kurt’s soul to the Soul-Sword would allow for her to bypass the more dangerous aspects of the Soul-Sword and allow her to restore Kurt.
And as a result of Amanda’s meddling, when a demonically possessed Pixie ripped the Soul-Sword out of Nightcrawler during X-Infernus, it left behind a void in Kurt’s Soul as established in Legion of X #10, which allowed for the Hopesword to later form. This also seemingly gave Illyana’s Soul-Sword a new ability to damage Techno-Organic beings which it did not possess before. This also means that Nightcrawler and Magik are… soul-mates(?) for the lack of a better term, as they are both bound together through the Soul-Sword after Amanda undid Illyana’s bond with Kitty, though this fact has never been established or confirmed in the comics.
~Part 9 – Destiny caused Magik to be kidnapped by Belasco~
Now, I noted in an earlier section that Margali’s fascination with the Soul-Sword was as a result of a prophecy – one that has at least partially come true. The prophecy as laid out during a flashback in Exalibur: Minus One was that the Soul-Sword would pass from into Margali’s hands and then Amanda’s but would result in both of their dooms. Illyana’s Soul-Sword was indeed obtained by Margali back in Excalibur #85 before she lost it to Belasco after falling to Limbo and the Soul-Sword was obtained again by Amanda after taking Limbo over in X-Men: Unlimited #19.
Now, this whole situation is peculiar as Margali herself is not a precog – outside of this one time, we never even hear her do anything similar ever again. However, we know that Destiny is a precog and we also know that she was the one who gave Kurt to Margali, as per the X-Men Origins: Blue retcon, meaning that this prophecy more than likely originates with Destiny. And really, this shouldn’t be a surprise – Mystique hinted at having some sort of a connection with Margali as far back as UXM #142 when she first met Nightcrawler, it was just never clarified what that connection was.
However, this prophecy would have been given to Margali before the Soul-Sword was ever made and before Illyana was even born, which means that either Destiny could predict Illyana being kidnapped by Belasco and creating the Soul-Sword as a result… or she caused Belasco to kidnap Illyana and create the Soul-Sword as a result.
Now, you may question how that’s even possible? After all, how could Destiny cause someone like Belasco to do something when the two haven’t even canonically met?
Well, for this, I would like to point out the unexplained animosity going on between Margali Szardos and Belasco. This is a rivalry that has been mentioned quite a few times – such as back in Excalibur: Minus One, X-Men: Unlimited #19, and the 3^rd Nightcrawler series. For some unexplained reason, Margali Szardos and Belasco have a lot of enmity for one another.
So, what’s the cause of this rivalry? Well, during the Dark Web event, Mary Jane Watson and Black Cat were captured by Belasco and sent to retrieve his Soul-Sword – which, as it is explained in the story is something that Belasco could not potentially use up until the events of Dark Web.
So here’s an idea – what if Destiny didn’t specify which Soul-Sword would end up in Margali’s hands, causing Margali to immediately assume that she was talking about Belasco’s (as that would have been the only one in existence at that point) and try to steal it from him.
This then drew Belasco’s attention and caused him to realize that Nightcrawler was somehow the source of Margali’s powers. This would be why Belasco even had his eyes on the X-Men to begin with and why there was a soulless Nightcrawler back in the original Magik series – Kurt was Belasco’s original target. However, the soulless Nightcrawler and Belasco’s obvious shift in attention to Illyana clearly points to the idea that whatever experiments Belasco tried to use to obtain that magical power from Kurt, it only ended in disaster – causing him to turn to Illyana as a replacement.
~Part 10 – the Big Picture… stopping Enigma~
So, if Destiny was ultimately the cause behind all of this – from orchestrating Kurt’s birth, to handing him off to Margali, to telling Margali the prophecy about the Soul-Sword, what is it all ultimately for?
Well, what it is almost certainly not for is the given answer of defeating Azazel. Simply put, Azazel has never been so major of a threat that creating a super special prophecy child was needed. Heck, he was killed in Dark X-Men by the demonic version of Nightcrawler, so how difficult would it have been for Mystique and Destiny to do it? No, Azazel’s defeat was a bonus that Irene used to justify Kurt’s birth to Raven, not the focus.
Ultimately, there’s only one answer as to who Kurt was conceived to stop – Enigma. The original Nathaniel Essex who transcended space and time and who Irene knew to be an existential threat to all Mutantkind.
This answer even explains some of Irene’s other past actions, such as why she was involved with the Black Womb project – yes, she was keeping an eye on Sinister, but she was also learning as much about the mutant x-gene in preparation for Kurt’s birth.
It also explains why she handed Kurt over to Margali at all – the Winding Way is described in the datapages of Legion of X as being something akin to a No-Place – something that Enigma and other Dominions famously have trouble seeing into. Thus, by hiding Kurt’s magical half in the No-place until the time was right and creating the means by which to release him from that prison, Destiny ensures Enigma’s defeat.
Or does she? Because as far as the current X-Men comics have been going, there is nowhere near the development needed to have my theory take place. At this point, only the Hopesword is established which begs the question of whether the Winding Way is meant to be the thing to stop Enigma or if the Hopesword is. As of this point in X-Men Forever (2024) #4, the Hopesword is what was needed to stop Enigma… for some reason. So far, all that the sword has accomplished is being handed off from Kurt to Exodus to Hope… who was then killed by the Phoenix and sent the Hopesword back to Kurt. We’ll have to wait and see if anything else comes of it.
Personally though, I kind of like the idea that everything Destiny did in orchestrating the creation of the Hopesword and/or the Winding Way was kind of a pointless thing in the end. It’s kind of poignant for Destiny’s character – being the same woman who thought that killing Senator Kelly would prevent the Days of Future’s Past Timeline when she was in fact going to cause that very timeline to happen – to have all her manipulations and schemes to create this weapon against the existential threat that Enigma presented… only to have that threat be dealt with in some other way, leaving Irene to deal with the consequences of her own actions and question whether it was worth putting Kurt through all of that. Maybe that’s just me though.
Conclusion
So yeah, that’s most of the evidence supporting this theory. There are a few other things – such as Margali potentially being the reason why Kurt was killed during Second Coming and potentially causing his mental break down during the Extraordinary X-Men story, but those are more auxiliary to these major points.
But yeah, let me know what you guys think down below. Do you think this theory is onto something or is it way off base?

My (ex)fiancé and I had been together for almost 6.5 years, engaged for almost 2.5. Over the last several months, my (ex)fiancé has sat me down to talk about our relationship about once a month. Before these conversations, he would shut down and barely speak to me for several days even when I would ask what was wrong. Then he would finally tell me he was ready to have a conversation and would express his frustrations with the relationship. By the time of our conversations, I would already be on the defensive from his recent behavior. I also generally do not receive feedback well. When he would try to tell me that he was unhappy in our relationship because I didn't compliment him enough, flirt with him enough, or tell him I loved him enough, I would shut down. I was not able to hear what he was really trying to tell me. Instead, I put up a wall and told him to love me for who I am. I basically asked him "If I'm happy in our relationship despite my frustrations, why can't you be?" I now realize that is not an appropriate or healthy response when your partner is trying to communicate with you.
I did try to hear him. I gifted him some lingerie for the first time and let him take a boudoir photo shoot of me wearing it. I started sending a few more cute messages. I tried to make more time to cuddle with him when he would ask. I tried to give him more hugs. I tried to thank him more for picking up around the house. I wrote him a cute letter and surprised him with a few gifts for Easter. However, about a month ago, we had another one of those conversations. Except this time the first things he brought up were 'wondering what else is out there' and talking about how other girls are always complimenting him. Again came the walls and extra defensiveness. I ended up writing him a letter talking about how I didn't know if I could ever be what he wanted me to be and that maybe he should think about calling things off. This was obviously a defense mechanism to try to beat him to the punch line and talk about a self-fulfilling prophecy. Three weeks later he would sit me down and tell me he wanted to know what else was out there again and that he didn't know if he could go through with marrying me. My efforts did not feel like enough for him and I understand why. I was having a hard time connecting my emotions with my actions which made my actions seem reactionary and not genuine or provoked by love.
I have been through a lot more trauma in my life than I realized. My dad was in the Navy while I was growing up. We had to move every three years. A very pivotal point in my life was when we moved when I was in the 6th grade. I lived right next door to my best friend. I was finding my love for math and theater. I also played soccer and was a Girl Scout. When we moved, I became very depressed, though I didn't understand that's what it was at the time. I stopped all of my extracurricular activities. I stopped getting too close to people because I knew I would have to move or they would have to move eventually. I mostly stayed in my room and kept to myself, even from my family. I also have struggled with anxiety for as long as I can remember. Then, in my senior year of high school, I got my first-ever boyfriend. We were in a relationship for over 4 years. In that relationship, I would always be the one to try to talk about our problems. I would be the one who would always want longer hugs and more cuddles. But it was not a healthy relationship. We broke up and got back together many times. I found several illicit texts to other girls on multiple occasions and he would always gaslight me by saying his younger brother stole his phone or I misinterpreted the messages. I think this caused me not to want to show my emotions because it wasn't reciprocated and resulted in heartache. Then, three years ago my younger brother died in a tragic car accident at the age of 17.
When I realized I could lose the love of my life, I realized that he was right about me not being affectionate enough. I had built up walls to protect myself. I thought I had made progress on my anxiety and depression, but I realized I was wrong. I also realized that I have issues with communication, trust, and vulnerability. I was a great partner in other ways and I did express my love in other ways. I moved across the country, coast to coast, with him to a state where I didn't know anyone so that he could attend his dream school. I take care of the household. I get the majority of the groceries. I do all of the cooking. I do all of the maintenance cleaning. I take care of our 2 cats and 1 dog. I say all of those in the present tense because we currently still live together but are sleeping in separate rooms. I also financially supported him by lending him money and letting him pay less of the rent because I made more money. I accept all of him including that he has terrible time management skills, he can have a hard time controlling his emotions at times, and he is disorganized and messy. I also accepted that I would have to wait for marriage and children because of his school and accepted that he did not have a lot of free time between school, work, and his hobbies. I supported his love for his hobbies by accepting his purchasing of expensive equipment even when he owed me money, traveling to watch several events that were important to him, and traveling to see him win an award from his job. I would write heartfelt cards for every holiday. I also bought him dozens of children's books about love that I wanted us to read to our children one day.
When I realized I could lose him, I felt something change inside me. It was like I could feel a hole being blown in the wall I had built up. I felt all my love for him overwhelm me. I couldn't hug him, kiss him, or tell him I love him enough. I tried to talk to him to apologize for my behavior and how badly I'd hurt him. I tried to explain how I felt like a different person and how I really wanted to work hard on improving myself as a partner to make our relationship work. I tried to prove my words with actions. I wrote a list of things I needed to work on including communication and being more affectionate. I also wrote out a list of ways to work on those things and actually started doing the things on the list. Some of the items I had already begun to do like hug and kiss him more and tell him I love him more. I also tried to ask more questions about his interests/hobbies/day. I was more vulnerable and talked with him about my feelings more. I even initiated intimacy, something I had really only done once in a blue moon when I was intoxicated.
Despite all of my efforts, over the next two weeks, he continued to say he did not know if he could be with me and wanted to know what else was out there. He was very wavering and said multiple times "I don't know what the right decision is." He said he could not trust that my changes would last and that it was probably too late. I begged him to try couples therapy, but he refused and said "Therapy takes too long" and basically said it wasn't worth the time. He finally broke up with me after 2 weeks of going back and forth and I was devastated. He later talked to a mutual friend of ours and changed his mind about therapy. I was so happy to hear that he had changed his mind. However, now I feel like I can't even trust him anymore. He's turning into a person I don't recognize and I don't know what he's capable of anymore. I don't know if the man I love still exists. When he told me he was now agreeable to try therapy he said "We're still broken up, but I won't talk to any other girls." and then promptly said "And it will give me more time to find a place to live if things don't work out." He deleted several Instagram posts that had photos of me after he agreed to try therapy which makes me think he's not actually that open to healing our relationship. He complained to me about how he might have to take out student loans after I told him he needed to pay me for half of the rent while we're broken up and not decreased rate he had been paying me. He also "checked on me" on the night of the 3rd year anniversary of my brother's death when he heard me crying. Then he just sat on the end of the bed scrolling his phone while I cried as if he was checking on me because he felt like he had to and not because he wanted to. When I asked him if he had some sort of deadline in mind for the therapy, because he had previously mentioned that it takes too long, he said July or August and I have a suspicion that is because a girl he likes is leaving for summer break but will be back at the end of August for the next semester.
I just feel like the way he has been acting is not how you act towards someone you were in a relationship with for almost 6.5 years. Especially after saying you still love them and have no negative feelings towards them. That means even though you don't think you are a good relationship match, you should still want to treat them with respect. You should care that they are hurting during this time. You should want to comfort them in their grief of a separate event. You should mean it if you say you want to try therapy.
TL; DR : Do you think therapy will help?

I'm 21 and have never had a boyfriend. Have never even held hands with a guy. It's so shocking when my college friends hear this and people are sort of condescending when I tell them. I have no male friends and my interactions with males is awkward. I think there is something actually wrong with me because when I find out a guy likes me I'm disgusted.. not with them.. but with myself. The idea of a man perceiving me as attractive makes him less attractive to me because I have such a low opinion of myself. I can't talk to guys at all btw, but steadfastly make friends w/ other women. Not being able to interact with the opposite sex is going to be a problem in the long-run since I want to become a physician in the future... and oh boy, it's just going to be harder to get in a relationship from here.
I can only make friendships with guys online... its so easy.. like in videogames where the stakes are low. IRL I'm just too self-conscious. Besides that, I think female friendships are just better and we have more to talk about.
I'd rather be alone forever than be in bad company. I want to find THE ONE. not just someone.. but my whole perception of romance is f'ed up. I also have unrealistic standards for a man... It's not like I want him to make 6 figures and be 6'5. no.. i just want him to be smart, ambitious and morally outstanding. Like, the idea of having a husband/bf watching porn.. an immediate ick to me and would ruin my perception of that person. Moreover, even though I'm feminine appearing my mindset is extraordinarily masculine. I desire to be the one protecting my husband. I'm pragmatic. What I want from a man more than anything is not even sexual attraction but respect. Im sorry for this rant lol, idk what I'm even getting at, but I can't tell any of this to my friends because they simply wouldn't understand. Maybe I just take myself too seriously.

Somehow I am only just now starting to "get into" Bruckner. I've never played any of his symphonies, and to the (very minimal) degree that I was exposed to him in music school, the only impression that remained with me was "loud brass playing arpeggios over and over."
But then I stumbled upon the adagio from the 7th symphony, and the spell was cast. I listened to the whole 7th symphony, and over a period of months, listened to it again and again. I was so transfixed by it that I didn't even feel the desire to start listening to any of his other symphonies. But, I eventually moved onto the 4th, the 9th, and, most recently, the 8th, which has cast a spell over me the way the 7th did. Both the 7th and the 8th, as I started to explore them, somehow lodged themselves into my brain, getting stuck in my head for days, making me want to listen to them over and over again.
But...why?! This is what's perplexing to me. I can't necessarily say that it's due to being emotionally "moved" in the way that I'm deeply moved by Strauss or Puccini. His music doesn't arouse in me feelings of sorrow, hope, longing, passion, love, etc., the way that other romantic composers pull at my heartstrings. His music doesn't "excite me" or make my heart feel tender. Whatever his music does to me, it almost seems to be beyond "feeling." But whatever it's doing to me, it's making my soul say "yes, more of this, please!" Earlier today, I was listening to the 7th again, and was just reveling in the ending of the 1st movement. I thought to myself "this kinda is just loud brass playing an arpeggio over and over again. But why is it so GOOD?!"
The question that keeps coming to me is: what exactly is this music expressing? Of course it's hard to ask such a general question about a large catalog of works, but, at least among the symphonies that I've explored so far, there does seem to be a very similar "vibe" to them. The first movement of the 7th, or 4th, ends, and I just have this feeling of "...WOW." And I feel profoundly elevated, and somehow changed.
Does this sound crazy? Maybe I'm still just getting accustomed to his language. But has anyone else experienced this? When you are moved by Bruckner (IF you are moved...I know he is polarizing), how exactly are you moved? What's this guy getting at?

TW for intimate partner violence/domestic violence
i don’t want to give too much away in here for obvious reasons, but i (F20s) and my boyfriend (M20s) live together. i have become financially dependent on him due to being stuck in a physical and mental rut. i finally feel like im becoming a person again and like i can pick myself up, but my brain is making it so damn hard.
my bf put his hands on me once and left marks on my arms, he has screamed at me multiple times, thrown things at me, destroyed our spare bedroom in a fit of rage, and more. this started around when i became physically ill, however the red flags were always there, and i feel like a dumbass for ignoring them. i’m trying so hard to break the cycle but i can’t escape angry men.
i decided recently that i will be leaving him when i can. i’m just frustrated bc it’s going to take at least a few months to get there, and i don’t want to live like this for another day. i love him, and he is so wonderful in so many ways, but there is not enough love that he could show me that would take away the pain.
it clicked when, after a year of feeling almost nothing sexually/romantically for anyone, i found myself starting to fall for my best friend (again; i had a crush on him previously). i’m frustrated because i really don’t need the emotions right now on top of everything else, but he has shown me over years that a man can be trusted… i also feel disgusted with myself for even having feelings for somebody else.
i just want to get fully back on my feet, get myself into my own space (or with a roommate lol), and let myself live again. i think he lost me mentally when he bruised me, and the tie was severed when he threw something at me with sharp tacks in it. i wish i left him sooner.
im just tired of feeling love for a man who has hurt me, while also falling for somebody wonderful. i just want to get my life together.

I have had an account since I was 16 with navy federal. I also owe them 13.5k, just myself no cosingers on an unsecured on a credit card.
I also have a savings and checking account with them. Apart from some subscriptions on the checking account totaling I believe 30$ the account sits pretty low, savings been 0 for years.
My Dad was the one who opened the account with me when I was a minor, he’s been on there since as a joint owner.
He can see my broke checking and savings and occasionally will message me when it goes low balance because he can see it on his app as well as receive notifications.
I know navy federal might freeze my account and display a notice on my account, I am wondering if he will see it as well because technically I think they’ll be looking at all my accounts, which also show on his bank app.
For clarification he can only see my checking and savings account, not the credit card because I opened that alone but I believe even people who only have checking and savings accounts receive that notice on the application and website once navy federal receives the notification that you filed.
I am trying to get him to sign the voluntary release of the account ownership, but I am meeting with my lawyer Friday to sign and don’t know if getting him to do that from across the country and submit it when he’s also busy and has bad service is realistic.
Has anyone dealt with this exact kinda weird situation before?
I called into navy federal to see all the options to remove him and it’s either this form being mailed or close the account and open a new checking/saving account and I don’t think I should make that decision without talking to my lawyer so I declined for now. Feels like that could look suspicious.
I know it sounds stupid but this is just embarrassing and I just want to keep him out of it if I can. He does all his banking for his buisness and stuff with them so I just don’t want him logging in multiple times a day and seeing that.

https://ncode.syosetu.com/n5534co/
https://www.novelupdates.com/series/re-tale-of-a-hero/
https://forums.animesuki.com/showthread.php?t=141085
I don't really post much but I just want to know if someone in this sub already read about this isekai which for me one of the decent ones out there unfortunately it's not much translated.
It's a WN and have more than 2k chapters of main story and 1k+ chapters of sidestory back in earth.
Genre:Isekai,Harem,Fantasy,Scifi,Tragedy?(Flash back),PoV,Mystery
Main plot A whole school is transported to another world with our mc in it. Surprisingly enough all amenities are still working including water, electricity and sewage. People don't just get powers yhough amd yhey need to learn things to survive. The twist is the MC actually already get isekaid in this world , he even brought the former demon lord with him and is disguising as a student(she's his lover and she's not the only one)and is thinking of going back after creating the magic to do so, he thought it's a little bit early but surprised that he is transported back 500 years in the future. He now plans on guiding the whole school to survive in the background while hiding his powers, that mind you he doesn't really mind if discovered but it's easier for him if they don't know much about it( chaos will ensue if they think he can bring them home just because his op)
Characters: You can check the characters here but I'll mainly talk about MC Kaito Amane, the MC, normaly is a chill dude and level headed his your typical normal black haired mc the only difference is his been describe to be handsome instead of the usual loser mc has a circle of friends but is not one of those every body in school knows him type of popular. That is until he stops restricting his magic then he becomes brash and a little bit arrogant but not the douche type arrogant, just the confident one , he also is a battle maniac even if he doesn't want to admit it, and surprisingly this is actually his real personality the reason for him being so calm and collected type or quite type in his suppressed state is because mana is directly link to the psyche and suppressing it also suppresses his emotions or atleast lessen it.
Socially the guy know how to make friends, he hates slavers to his core (because of past experience) and think owning a slave is one of the worst thing a human can do(depending on how the slave state though , he understood that slaves can only survive as slave sometimes). On the Harem aspect of the story the guy is a chad , no rape (there's just that one time when schatach rape him because she's stronger that time), he don't engage sexual activities with minor(his older than he looks but there's a reason why he still go to highschool) and he does his best to givr time to each other harem mems(going on date and hanging out not just sex) and most of his relationships are actually just natural. Aside from that his a solid homie and us actually wingmans some other guy friends too.
The Story Story is freaking long, and slow burn fights Don't happened much but interactions are gold, when there's fights though it's actually epic and the power system is mwah frech kiss( I won't spoil this because this is one of the best parts although the different power systems are laid slowly). It has different PoVs and The MC don't just steam roll the problems and it make sense, the characters are very distinct to each other and have their own personalities. This WN have other guys not just the MC and not just MC harem and not everyone falls inlove with the mc. Something funny is that one classmate has his own unwanted harem and Kaito gets a feeling of comraderie( Kaito is not supposed to have a harem at first but the other worlds sense of value and sense of duty leads him to having one). Andy favorite part of the story os unveiling Kaitos past because every new thing we learned about Kaito new questions pops up. The story is also linked to earth which is cool. The PoV changes is one thing I enjoyed to here the PoVs are not meant to show the mcs opness (only sometimes) but to build the world to others eyes or just to show their daily life. The tone can change from a drop of a dime at one time it's fun and all and yhe next time you know theres death. The world itself is intriguing and the history for the 500 years that has beem skip is one of the biggest mystery in the story.
I think that's the point I caan think for now. I love it and the author is releasing regularly theres even a yime that he releases 3 chaps a day. It's a solid story that every isekai lover will love( I think ?)so give it a try.

But even typing this, it doesn’t feel real. I still have hope tonight that he can change. I feel so stupid.
I am 38F and he is 39M.
I am devastated. I would do anything and everything to be married forever, but it’s no longer an option and hasn’t been since the fourth month of our marriage. I was 8 weeks pregnant with his child and he assaulted me with a metal cup in the car while he was driving on the freeway because I wouldn’t stop saying why he was upsetting me. The fight continued when we got home and he had called the police, lied to them and had me arrested. Eight weeks pregnant. With bruises up and down my body. I got arrested. I spent the night in jail and had to listen to my baby’s heartbeat for the first time from a county jail exam table.
Somehow, through that, we stayed married. Abuse makes you do wild things. It changes your brain. Abusers purposely make you confused. Through counseling, I am coming out of the confusion now, though.
I could go on and on about the abuse I have suffered. I am here today because typing this makes it real that I am leaving. And I am here today because I need support in understanding that he is not going to change.
This morning things escalated by 8am. This is typical weekend behavior. I discovered that he has been smoking cigarettes in one of the vehicles that is in my name and that I pay for, and that I have asked him not to smoke in repeatedly. I do not smoke. I think it’s gross. And it has ruined the interior of this vehicle that is expensive. Not only that, but our child has asthma. Most likely because he IS a smoker. Anyway, I grabbed something out of the vehicle for his 6yo and I came back in and simply said “please don’t smoke in the truck anymore. Please don’t tell me that you haven’t been either.” This sent him into a spiral. He called me names and said that I am controlling. He started following me around the house screaming behind my head. He is nearly a foot taller than me and this is physically intimidating to me. So much so that my hands start to shake, my heart races and my thoughts become blurry when he does this. I knew at this point it was best for me to get our child and leave. So I was doing that. But this morning he would not let me leave the bedroom and was blocking me from leaving with our child with his body in the doorway. I told him I was going to call non-emergency if he didn’t move. And he would not. So I was trying to figure out how to call but my hands were shaking so bad and my brain was so jumbled I gave up and called my sister on speaker. I asked her to call the police. As soon as he saw her name on my phone he moved and let me leave. He yelled at me and our child out the door and to the neighborhood “see - I’m so scary - I’m letting you leave”. I got our child in the backseat and drove down the street to park and get them dressed. They were only in a pull up. I saw the officer coming down the road and flagged him down. I told him what happened and he went and talked with him. I left with our child and went to my sisters. Eventually we came home and he has been upstairs ever since. This is also typical. He will have an outburst. And then go upstairs and not speak to me for a week. And then one morning he’ll just wake up and decide that it’s time to be normal again. And generally comes to me and says “have you calmed down”. Which, as you can imagine, perpetuates the situation further. And drags it on. He does not understand accountability.
We have been married 3.5 years, together for 5 total. We have one child together (2yo) and he has two other children (6yo and 14yo).
We moved in together after 9 months of dating. That is when the abuse started. The first time he was physically abusive, he broke through our bedroom door. Broke. The entire door - down. Somehow, I decided to continue.
From the start, I’ve known it was never going to last. He is unstable. He has a long and dark history of mental illness (both himself and his immediate maternal and paternal family). In addition to struggling with substance abuse his entire life. His childhood is tragic and full of heartache. It shaped the man he is today, and not for the better.
He is in the trades industry and has a GED. I am a director level professional and have a college degree. His father was in prison for the last half of his childhood and eventually took his life when he was released. My father is a retired architect, Vietnam vet. We grew up completely different. Both of our parents divorced. He then suffered verbal and emotional abuse from his step father. I suffered verbal, emotional, and physical abuse from my mother.
I believe my mother is a narcissist and undiagnosed. And I believe my husband has narcissistic tendencies and/or is one. But I am not a medical professional. I am going on what I’ve experienced with both of them.
When we first met, he was 34 and I was 33. He was unemployed and really not doing well. Drinking in access. A lot. Everyday. But I did not know. I was doing very well. I had spent my 20s creating a fulfilling and financially successful career. He spent his 20s job hopping and, quite honestly, messing around. But we had fun together. But having fun together is not real life.
Here is where the manipulation began. He was upfront about his upbringing and past. And was genuinely making steps towards a better life. He is a born again Christian. And as an educated person, I believe he has grabbed on to what is actually important in the Bible. However, he is unable to abide by what a husband biblically should be. He does not love, protect or provide for me or our child. We joined a church, I became involved and made friends, and we went there as a family for multiple years. Until one night he showed up drunk, and I never went back.
I am the breadwinner. I pay for ev. ry. thing. He keeps his entire paycheck and will not give me money to pay bills. He will also not physically pay the bills. I manage and pay all bills. But not because I don’t want him to. I have begged, cried, and tried a million different systems (both digital and analog) to make him involved. And he flat out refuses. He abused our shared checking by taking money out to “pay bills” from his personal checking account and then did not pay those bills and spent the money. So I would then have to pay multiple months and late fees to catch up. Many. Many. Times.
In addition to not contributing financially, he does not contribute to the household upkeep or yard maintenance. Literally nothing. If I want the yard kept, I do it, or I pay someone to do it. If something on a vehicle goes out, I make the appointment and consult with the technician. But again, not because I want to, but because he will not participate. Or if he does, it’s half assed and more work for me. He does not grocery shop or cook. He has never cooked one meal for me. I think he’s maybe gotten a bowl of ice cream for me a couple times? He does not clean. He has cleaned the bathroom in our home two times. We have lived here 4 years. We live in separate bedrooms because he won’t pickup after himself. His room is squalor. Clothes on every square inch. Fast food wrappers. No sheet on mattress. I have cleaned it for him many times in hopes that we could make a drastic change and start sleepin next to each other again. But he refuses. I know this sounds insane that I have stayed married. It sounds insane to me.
He verbally, emotionally, physically, spiritually, sexually and financially abuses me. Maybe not all at once, everyday. But one of them most likely daily now. Or a couple. It’s been a very long time since there has been a long stretch of stability or peace.
However, I am changing all of that this year. I have hired an attorney and am climbing through the paperwork right now.
On Christmas morning last year, before we hosted family that day, he threw a (heavy) laundry basket full of dirty clothes at me as I was going down the stairs because I asked him for help with something. And after the first one hit me, I sat down and covered my head so I wouldn’t fall, and he threw another one at me. I don’t know how I masked my raw emotions through the rest of the day with family over. I ate not one bite. I pushed my food around my plate and tried to make my face contort into normal emotions for the day.
But I stayed. Again.
Mother’s Day morning this year. Just one week ago - I spent it locked in my bedroom with our child paying the divorce attorney retainer fee on the laptop as he screamed at me what a piece of shit mother and wife I am. I honestly don’t even know what I did or remember why it escalated. Most likely because it was a holiday - and not about him.
I am exhausted. I have lost close to 30lbs since January. People are beginning to notice.
I wanted a family more than anything. I adore my child. I spend my days and nights dreaming up ways to enrich their life. I wanted family vacations and world travel. I wanted to host, big, extended family holiday gatherings. I wanted my little baby to know what it felt like to have a mom and dad at home together every night. But not at this cost. The very worst part of my parenting is staying married. I am a bad parent every day that I stay here.
I wish I could file the petition and fast forward a year. I know I’ll be okay. It’s ripping off the bandaid that hurts.

Context: Hi, I’ve had some quite violent experiences with men especially as a kid and young teen. I feel as though I’m developing a fear of men, to the point where I’m considering changing my career to a female dominated field.
The thing is, I know not all men are the same. but I’m terrified of anouther guy asking me out and reacting violently if I reject him. The culture where I’m from isn’t horrible with women by any means, but violence, cat calling, sexual assault is heavily dismissed. (Common results of rejecting) Is there a way I could reject men with this in mind? I need them to not get upset, particularly angry or violent. Note: To avoid men noticing me I don’t wear makeup, I were modest clothing (for my countries standards), I ignore their presence so they don’t think I’m flirting with them. I don’t wear perfume. I’m considering shaving my head but that’s on the far side of the table. But I’m still asked out maybe 3-4 times a month. This fear is affecting my ability to function normally. Also note my reasons for rejecting men: I’m in a 2 year relationship I’m gay I usually don’t tell men I’m gay because they will often make a sexual remark or think I’m lying. I also try and avoid mentioning I have a partner because I don’t want her to receive any backlash.
Thank you.

(note: this is an extremely self-absorbed and long-winded post centered on comparing my upbringing to my husband's upbringing and it contains mentions of eating disorders and lots of whining. This is word vomit, is not of value, and I will probably delete this soon).
Sometimes it's the little things that make me realize how... slightly different my upbringing was... in comparison to people who grew up with healthy siblings. For me, it was nostalgic school pizza.
I ate school lunch every day. Packing? Lol, no. My husband? He told me tonight that he never, like as in never ever, ate school lunch. His mom packed for him every single day - he got special sandwiches and casseroles and even sushi once or twice. Therefore, he has no nostalgia for school pizza, whereas I do, and I am about to spend $50 on some brand of pizza that apparently tastes just like it.
My husband was raised differently than me. He was raised by upper middle class parents, including his mom being SAHM for his entire life, and he and his sibling were both healthy their entire lives. My parents both worked in law enforcement/social work adjacent jobs, both working nights sometimes, and they had city and nonprofit pay, aka we were probably lower middle class. I also had an extremely ill sibling for the duration of middle school and the first year of high school.
As a child, my husband was never left alone. He didn't stay home alone until he was 14. He never had to stay alone for days and weeks like I did. We lived in a rural area too, so I was far from town and couldn't go anywhere. While my sibling was hospitalized two hours away or at various appointments, they'd come home late at night most days. There were weeks in the summer where they were home maybe 6 hours a week and I was alone with neighbors and my aunt checking in every other day. Sometimes they sent me to day camp in the summer and I'd be the last one picked up. I always went to day camp because I suspect overnight camp cost too much - my sibling's illness was expensive. If I wasn't at day camp, I was alone all the time during summer and after school. This lasted four years.
Honestly, it wasn't that bad at the time. I felt like it was my house and I walked the dogs and stayed up late and ate frozen foods and went swimming in our above ground pool. I had two close friends in the neighborhood and I'd spend time with them when I could. I got a job when I was 15 and my friend's mom picked me up and drove me back and forth from work until I got my license. I was online A LOT and was in chat rooms and meeting randos on message boards as young as 12. I even got into web design and taught myself a few basic programming languages. Honestly, I was kind of raised by the Internet
I also ate school lunch every day. I know how to poke a milk bag perfectly. I am constantly nostalgic for the nuggets, pizza, and Bosco sticks of my middle and high school cafeterias. My parents would give me money at the beginning of the week and I'd map my school lunch plan out. Lunch was the highlight of my day for awhile. I ate a lot of Bosco sticks. My school also had a vending machine, so I drank lots of Dr. Pepper too. I honestly got pretty fat. Until I wasn't, because somehow (the Internet), I calculated the calories of everything at my school cafeteria, and then only nutrigrain bars and an apple were safe. I ate Bosco sticks at least weekly though - I craved them even when I was starving myself. I just didn't usually keep them down and I'll leave it at that.
School pizza though. School pizza isn't tainted like Bosco sticks. It was different pizza every week in high school so I never knew the calories. Thus I didn't eat it after first semester of high school. Even after I was "recovering" and my sibling got better, meaning suddenly I wasn't being raised by the Internet anymore, I avoided school pizza. The memories I have are from 2000 and pizza day at my elementary school stands as a consistently pleasant memory. I make pizzas now. Good pizzas. I love pizza. I've made it for my husband, parents, and sibling.
Never school pizza though.
I want to try $50 nostalgic pizza.
My husband says it's probably gross and not worth $50.
He never had to do meal planning when he was 12 and alone for weeks at a time though.

Got all four wisdom teeth + an extra tooth removed about 36 hours ago and am not doing well.
Physically, it’s not that bad. There’s enough swelling and discomfort that I’m constantly icing and barely talking/eating, but I haven’t taken the oxycodone yet.
Mentally, it’s been rough. Had a lot of medical anxiety before (worried about overall pain and possible allergic reactions), during (panicked while they put me on N20), and after (worried that numbness wasn’t wearing off because of nerve damage).
Now, the swelling and discomfort have really been getting to me mentally. Like I said, it’s not unbearable, but I’m so tired, and the discomfort only gets worse the longer I have it. I just finished my first full day of recovery after the surgery, and I just want to feel back to normal so bad. I want to work, want to feel energetic and well-rested enough to be productive around the house. But I know that this is literally just day two that I finished, and it’s only gonna get worse from here because recovery can take up to two weeks sometimes. And I’m terrified of getting dry socket.
And I want a fucking steak sandwich so bad. Just thinking about eating another bite of mashed potatoes or tomato soup makes me sick, but I’m not able to chew anything yet.
But yeah, I’m cranky and not doing well mentally :’) trying to just sleep it all away, but any words of reassurance or comfort would be so so very much appreciated 🥺

My Advice As a 2024 High school Graduate
My last day of Senior year is tomorrow and I have a few things I wanna say to those of you still in middle school/ high school.
Things I believe I did well - and things I believe you should do well too :)
• Push yourself out of your comfort zone - whether that be by taking a hard class or doing that activity you’re iffy about. You can always drop something if it’s too hard but it’s better to start and fail than never try. I took AP Chem my junior year and it kicked my ass, but in the end it was my favorite class in high school and I passed the exam :) Science rocks.
• This is SOOOOO cliche, but please, do something you actually like in high school. I participated in activities I actually cared deeply about and was able to talk about to other people as well as write about in college/ scholarship applications. I got into a top university and a bunch of scholarships. Just make it a priority to do things you like - no matter what it is - and be a leader in it.
• Be friendly to everyone, yes, even the people you despise. Honestly, you never know who will be able to help you down the line. The treasurer at my school is notoriously mean and I actually made the effort to get to know her and speak to her kindly. She then waived all of my school fees so I didn’t have to pay anything. And not just because they can do something for you but because being kind is just what’s right.
Things I wish I did/ did better - don’t be like me!
• Tell my best friend about my feelings for him. I’ve loved him for 4 years and have always been too shy/insecure to say anything about it. And now he’s going away for university, we’ll never be together like we were in high school again. Just bite the bullet and move on, not worth the tears lol. But oddly I don’t necessarily regret this decision. (Wish I would’ve had just ONE boyfriend at least lmao)
• I wish I was less insecure. People do not care about you like you think they do. This sounds harsh but there’s freedom in this truth. Wear what you want, don’t cover your smile when you laugh, take that picture (because when you graduate - or in 20 years - you’ll wish you had that stupid photo of you from Freshman year)
• Fixed this cursed sleep schedule and formed better habits. I have an abomination of a sleep Schedule. I get 4 hours on average and have no idea what it’s like to feel well rested. Since I’m always tired I don’t go to the gym and yeah - downward spiral. Health is the most valuable thing you can possess, treat yourself kindly.
Good luck everyone!

idk i’m really drunk rn. my fp is my ex boyfriend. we broke up 2 months ago bc he said he ‘couldnt be in a relationship rn’ due to his trauma (after 7 months together) but we carried on acting like a couple e.g i’d stay at his house multiple days a week, spend time with his family, sleep skin to skin etc but we went no contact nearly 5 days ago now. the catalyst was i found viagra in his drawer and he said he can’t go without sex forever and i just couldn’t handle being so intimate with him knowing he was planning to sleep with another woman. i’d lay next to him and think about someone else seeing his vulnerable side like i do and it made me feel sick all of the time.
i’m really struggling. i miss him so much. i think about him almost all day every single day. i decided to go no contact for my own mental health and he was very upset. he still has some of my stuff that i left at his house and he promised he’d bring it back but wouldn’t specify when which i feel like he’s just dangling it over me so he has an excuse to see me down the line. we had a very healthy and loving relationship, the healthiest and happiest relationship either of us have ever been in and i feel like that’s why i’m handling it so badly. i’m trying to fill my time with therapy, spending time with friends and family and doing healthy stuff like working out and going for walks and stuff but it’s just hitting me pretty hard tonight.
i just want to see him. i want a hug. i want to sleep next to him again. i miss him so much. i miss talking to him every day. i miss his family. i miss his dog. idk what to do with myself. i’m fighting for my life to make sure i don’t break no contact since i asked for it but i’m just struggling so much. he has a lot of mental health issues and i just want him to be okay. i’ve talked to friends and they’re saying it’s for the better and deep down i know it is too but i just feel like i’m drowning without him. codependency sucks. having an fp sucks

It was 6 months ago when I caught my girlfriend holding hands with her male best friend who openly had a crush on her and I asked her to lessen contact with him. Well clearly she didn't and the day I caught caught her, I also found out there were intimate texts between them. She even told her other friend that she couldn't talk to me because I sucked at communication, and she had to go to her male best friend for comfort instead. Her family also really doesn't like me and constantly invites that guy to come to her house and spend time with them and my girlfriend has never objected until I confronted her. I don't know for sure if she cheated on me sexually, but I wouldn't be surprised.
Well only after 6 months did she finally cut him off and got her family to stop inviting him over, but during those months she was very quiet about the whole situation and I've always had to ask her about it to know if she finally did it. I begged and pleaded but she didn't seem to care. Well six months of that shitshow later, I don't trust that she had really cut him off. I'm not sure if she's telling me the truth or if she's lying to me again. She also didn't put much effort into our relationship when she promised she would be more proactive in building this trust again.
I broke up with her when I found out back then, but we got back together and now I feel like an idiot for taking her back. I should have known that she wasn't going to make me feel more secure and I am once again dealing with the anxiety alone. She gaslights me for being mad about the cheating and we have arguments all the time about her infidelity. I also feel like an idiot for entering a relationship with her when her family clearly wants her to date her male "best friend". I gotta say I am never dating a girl with a male best friend again. I am so close to breaking up with her again, I just can't take this anymore.

I don’t do this for work but at my church I take care of the preschoolers/toddlers. There are about 7 of them ranging from 18months to 4 years. I love being with them during awake times. We sing, I keep them from hurting themselves or each other, etc. It really is a good time and I very rarely have to raise my voice and can get them to listen by getting on their level and being gentle but firm. They love that I am silly with them even though I’ll take away a toy they are fighting over or put them in a couple minute time out if the infraction was bad enough.
It’s the nap time. I’m really struggling with that. I’m the only one in the room with them and when half of them keep running around how can I sit next to one and rub their back when 3 others are all over the place?! I haven’t crossed a line but omg it makes me so overwhelmed and crazy. I have no idea what to do and the fact that they are that different in age and coming from different families makes it all the more confusing.
I have no experience with child care, just my almost 2 year old thats in the mix. I get more aggressive with him because I cant with the others and I feel so much guilt after. (he's fine, i just don't spank him at home, but I have there when he wont stop squawking so dang loudly) I really don't want to repeat my mom's behavior when I was growing up but it is just so overwhelming. (I’ve had lots of therapy because of my upbringing since I only learned one, very unhealthy, way to express anger along with other stuff. I get so scared when I feel myself wanting to behave the same way)
I may not be the most suited for this role but there aren't many others who are willing to be in kids room. I already plan on talking with the main woman. Maybe I can just be with the elementary school kids. They may be annoying (lol) but I don't really get overwhelmed. Being able to actually communicate with them is everything. I can communicate with kids but toddlers are another beast.
Even if I do end up with the older kids more I still would love any advice on dealing with that many in that age range all by myself. Other mom’s think I'm too gentle. I just don't think kids should be punished for age appropriate behavior. I try to be understanding and gentle with them and we have such a good rapport. When it isn’t nap time I have control of the room and let them just be kids while keeping order. They listen to me when I require it and I don’t have an issue keeping composed. I'm just at a loss during nap time.
If you read all of this and have any insight or tips I would be so grateful.

Just watched the episode where Donny gets continuously SA'd while high on drugs. I felt so unsettled and couldn't stop thinking back to the first time I ever got high (Marijuana) when I was 17. My boyfriend was 20 or 21 at the time and I took some edibles that he had given me and he took some too, but he said he wasn't really feeling it. It hit me really hard and I had a panic attack, and at first he really tried to take care of me, and nothing was working to make me feel better.
Eventually he told me he was horny, and was trying to get me to have sex with him, even after I vehemently told him no and that I wasn't feeling good. He suggested that I take a shower to help try and sober me up, and I said I couldn't stand up on my own, so he helped me shower. Afterwards, I went back to lay in his bed and eventually he ended up on top of me and was forcing me to touch him while he touched me. I remember being really out of it and just letting it happen, because after all, he was my boyfriend and we had sex all the time, but afterwards I think I said something like "you took advantage of me" and he stayed silent. I was with him for 3 more years after this, and never thought anything of it. He tried this again on another occasion and I remember completely blocking him out and telling him no, I am not in the mood and I will not be doing anything with him and he just gave me the cold shoulder and tried to make me feel guilty about denying him.
Watching this now really made me realize that what happened wasn't consenual and it's tearing me apart that I just never thought twice about it. He was always emotionally abusive and manipulative, and got physical with me on few occasions. I was stuck, and the fact that I just thought it was normal is so, so fucked up. I'm really looking back at my younger self and wanting to apologize to her for not realizing sooner. She didn't deserve any of that.
The police officer tells Donny "why didn't you report it sooner?" And it just hit so close to home. It's like a frog in a pot of water slowly coming to a boil; you don't realize how bad it is until it's too late.

I got my male baby a week ago when he was 3 weeks, now 4. The mom abandoned the litter. Since the first day he has had very watery diarrhea. I brought him to the vet today and she prescribed antibiotics. He had two doses so far and after feeding him just now his stool was less watery but when I was wiping there was a bit of red blood. He also didn’t poop it out I just noticed it was coming out and wiped it off but he did not use the litter box or anything. His rectum looks also more swollen and red than it was and he cried a lot more than usual, tried to bite and hissed a little when I cleaned him which makes me think it hurts. The vet said that although it did look red that it was from the diarrhea but now to me looks worse. Any thoughts on what could cause the bit of blood? The vet is closed tomorrow so want to ease my anxiousness until I can call on Monday. Thank you!

I don’t really know what to do anymore or how to handle being around my mom. I love my family so much but I can’t stand being around them, as they put me in a horrible mood. I (19f) often get annoyed, irritated, and horribly angry any time I spend time with my mom and I don’t understand why or how to control it. My mom as always been there for me and I know she loves me, but I feel that she hates me as a person and blames me, my siblings, and my father for everything wrong in her life. Most of the time she is normal and okay, but recently every time me and her talk we end up screaming at each other. She doesn’t listen to what anyone says and refuses to compromise or try to understand what I am talking about.
I am a more modern woman, a feminist and into current events such as what is going on politically and how people interact with each other. Any time I try to talk to her about something like that she tells me I am wrong and I don’t know what I’m talking about. She says that it’s stupid and I shouldn’t waste my time worrying or talking about things like that, and that I sound crazy and creepy. If she doesn’t understand, she won’t try to understand and tries to shut me down. She thinks she knows everything and does not let me speak or try to listen or understand me. Any time I talk, she tries to insert qualities or ideas she wants me to focus on, the traits she wished I had. This is why we always end up screaming. She thinks I am so negative and insufferable to be around and expressed that often, but I feel that about her. I am not typically a negative person, I am only like this at home. In the real world, I am quite pleasant and people love to be around me. My mom also suffers from a lot of autoimmune diseases which make her sick often, which definitely have a big role to play in her mood. This I understand but it is so frustrating when she takes it out on me and the rest of my family.
My mom also quite frequently gets mad at my father for no reason at all. My mom doesn’t leave the house a lot and is very unsocial, she doesn’t have any friends at all. My dad on the other hand, is very social and a well liked and respected guy. He is the president of our church parish and is a jack of all trades. He is often out helping others or is involved at the church. I am often there wherever he is, however my mom is not due to work or just not wanting to go. My mom will be in a bad mood and sometimes accuse my dad of cheating when he is at the church. My dad is extremely loyal to my mom and trust me when I say, if he was going to leave her or cheat on her, he would have done it years ago. She also, in her fits of rage says that she wants to divorce him, which she realistically would never do. This makes my dad extremely upset that she thinks like that and doesn’t know what to do. He knows that she is miserable but he can’t stop doing the things he loves to be miserable all the time with her.
This really drives everyone crazy and makes everyone depressed. Let me know if you want a pt 2 there’s more but I’ve written a lot already.

I don’t do this for work but at my church I take care of the preschoolers/toddlers. There are about 7 of them ranging from 18months to 4 years. I love being with them during awake times. We sing, I keep them from hurting themselves or each other, etc. It really is a good time and I very rarely have to raise my voice and can get them to listen by getting on their level and being gentle but firm. They love that I am silly with them even though I’ll take away a toy they are fighting over or put them in a couple minute time out if the infraction was bad enough.
It’s the nap time. I’m really struggling with that. I’m the only one in the room with them and when half of them keep running around how can I sit next to one and rub their back when 3 others are all over the place?! I haven’t crossed a line but omg it makes me so overwhelmed and crazy. I have no idea what to do and the fact that they are that different in age and coming from different families makes it all the more confusing.
I have no experience with child care, just my almost 2 year old thats in the mix. I get more aggressive with him because I cant with the others and I feel so much guilt after. (he's fine, i just don't spank him at home, but I have there when he wont stop squawking so dang loudly) I really don't want to repeat my mom's behavior when I was growing up but it is just so overwhelming. (I’ve had lots of therapy because of my upbringing since I only learned one, very unhealthy, way to express anger along with other stuff. I get so scared when I feel myself wanting to behave the same way)
I may not be the most suited for this role but there aren't many others who are willing to be in kids room. I already plan on talking with the main woman. Maybe I can just be with the elementary school kids. They may be annoying (lol) but I don't really get overwhelmed. Being able to actually communicate with them is everything. I can communicate with kids but toddlers are another beast.
Even if I do end up with the older kids more I still would love any advice on dealing with that many in that age range all by myself. Other mom’s think I'm too gentle. I just don't think kids should be punished for age appropriate behavior. I try to be understanding and gentle with them and we have such a good rapport. When it isn’t nap time I have control of the room and let them just be kids while keeping order. They listen to me when I require it and I don’t have an issue keeping composed. I'm just at a loss during nap time.
If you read all of this and have any insight or tips I would be so grateful.