Hi! I’m an American going to Scotland on BA in about a month and a half, and I’m very stressed about getting my liquids through Heathrow during my connection and making it to my gate in my hour and a half layover time. I will be flying into and then out of terminal 5 and my layover is an hour and a half. I have heard that you have to go through security again even with a connecting flight and that even though they are updating scanners, the liquid rule still stands in terminals that haven’t been updated. I do have a TSA compliant 1qt clear bag for liquids that I’ve test packed but all the pictures I’ve seen of that little bag they use are making me think what I am using might be too big if I end up having to pull all my crap out and put in in their baggie. Everywhere I look it says an hour and a half is enough time for a connection, but this till be my first time out of the country without my mom (my boyfriends first time out of the county at all) and I’m nervous about what to expect with customs and security. Any advice or suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Also, I’m only taking carry on and personal item so I will not be checking anything (assuming nothing gets gate checked or whatever). Thanks!

Platinum End Theory: Who Is God And Those Mysterious Beings In The Finale Explained
Original link- https://reddit.com/platinumend/comments/sdw2rc/deleted_by_use
Repost cause the original was deleted. I'm not OP. OP is https://www.reddit.com/usemuphenz
Thanks https://www.reddit.com/usecompletelylostcase for the Pastebin link. https://pastebin.com/A8K4bJiD
DISCLAIMER: This theory will go over the entire story of Platinum End, so obvious spoilers ahead. Just a heads up, this theory is posted at the time that only a few episodes of the anime have been released. Depending on how much the anime stays like the manga, details may end up changing. Therefore, the entire theory will be based solely on the manga. I will also leave snippets of the manga with the highlighted text to support my claim. Please be sure to read those as it will help this theory make sense. This theory is completely my own original thoughts. If anyone shares this, please be sure to credit me, Muphenz. Thanks!Hello, my fellow Platinum End fans! If you’re like me, the ending completely caught me off guard and left my head-scratching. Do not worry! I’ve overanalyzed everything and made a theory to possibly explain who god and those beings at the end of the story are, so you don’t have to. Those beings at the end of the manga, chapter 58, are drum roll…humans of the future who have achieved many scientific advancements who existed well before the story of Platinum End takes place and are simulating their own world with fake humans, fake angels, and a fake god. Why are the real humans running this simulation? Simply put, they’re suicidal and no amount of therapy is going to help with that. Why are they wanting to die? In the future, it is predicted by Gaku Yoneda that within 500 years, humans will achieve immortality. Once they achieve immortality, they will eventually master time and space and will be able to do things like teleport, time travel, see the future, etc. And once humans achieve immortality and are able to know all of the future, they will discover that the future cannot be changed according to Dr. Yoneda. Just like Dr. Yoneda’s prediction, the real humans are wanting to die which is why it’s stated by one of the real humans how annoying it is that there is no death. Whatever the process was that made the real humans immortal, it seems that it cannot be reversed to restore one’s mortality. Although it’s not stated how humans will achieve immortality and allow them to control time and space, this will somehow cause humanity’s apocalypse as well, destroying the original Earth. What makes these creatures more human-like than god-like is that they admit they were born on another planet, most likely the original Earth. They are also aware that they too were created by something that is above them. How do we know Dr. Yoneda’s predictions are right? It was stated by Shuji Nakaumi that his past predictions came true. One thing to understand about science is that it’s extremely good at accurately predicting things. Example 1: With Issac Newton’s law of motion, scientists can predict the position of an object at any specific time, past, present, or future. Example 2: In the 1840s, Fitzner astronomer Urbain Le Verrier was analyzing the orbit pathway of Mercury and found that it is changing very slowly over time. With technology limited at that time, it was hard to provide proof. In 1915, the famous German physicist, Albert Einstein was able to calculate the influence of the curved space in Mercury’s orbit. That is 75 years later that science proved its prediction was right. Although science cannot tell future events like a psychic will attempt to, I believe this is what the author was using to help advance the plot for the ending. The real humans already know the future and they’re aware that no matter what they try, death is not a part of that. If they cannot do it, someone else can. That is when these simulations come in. The real humans will create simulated humans. In one of the simulations, the story of Platinum End takes place. This would not be on a computer. This process would involve terraforming an entire planet to support carbon-based life. The planet that the simulated humans live on will be similar to the original Earth as well as the history and advancement of science will be similar to the real humans. As the simulated human’s society progresses, like in Platinum End, they would eventually learn how to become immortal and learn how to control space-time which would lead to them wanting to die just like the real humans. But unlike the real humans, the simulated ones may actually achieve a way to kill themselves once they obtain immortality that the real humans could use. But as we already know stated by the real humans, this specific simulation was a failure. Nothing was created that was capable of killing them. Thus, the real humans will move on to a new simulation. Pay very special attention to this picture. Notice right after all of the humans disappear when the fake god kills himself, the buildings are slowly crumbling away since no one is here to maintain them. According to World Building, it would take an average of 250 years for a building to start to break apart since materials like wood and plastic would be destroyed by the environment if not maintained. Metal would be expanding and no longer able to keep the building's structure in place. This would cause things like windows to fall off and shatter. So after a few hundred years, the real humans return to the planet after the simulated humans disappeared due to the fake god’s suicide. It’s possible that during this time they’re running other simulations on other planets and returned when this simulation was completed. Since the real humans have achieved master over space-time, teleporting to anywhere in the universe would not be out of the question. Since they cannot die, the amount of time it would take for the real humans to travel anywhere in the universe is irrelevant as well. Even though Gaku Yoneda’s predictions about the simulated humanity’s end were wrong, he was technically right. It did come true for the real humans. If Shuji Nakaumi, as the fake god, did not kill himself and wipe out all of the fake humans, they would of most likely learned how to cheat death and to control space-time in the future. Gaku was wrong about the fake god being a product of human belief in order to live. He even admits that the composition of the fake god was wrong. If the fake god required human belief to live, then Shuji would not have erased the memories of those who were not god candidates as it would have affected the fake god's existence if fewer people believed in him. There is one thing that begs the question. Why is a fake god needed to run these simulations? Why do the simulated humans have souls? Why not just create the simulated humans and leave them to figure out how to create an immortal killing machine without the process of a false god? This is because God and souls are actually real and are necessary for life to exist. To clarify, the “God” that Shuji Nakaumi was transmuted into is not the true God that I’m referring to. I’m referring to the first cause of everything, a self-aware creator, a deistic God who existed before time and space who created the universe and does not intervene in its creation. This means no miracles, prophecy, answering prayers, divine revelation, etc. Everything in the universe is governed by physics and these laws cannot be broken. The real humans who are running the simulations are aware that they are a creation made from a creator. However, since a deistic God does not interfere in the universe, the real humans cannot know of him, at least while they are still alive. Considering the real humans can control space-time, I can say for certain at one point, at least one person went to the very beginning of time and saw something that would be evidence of an intelligent designer creating the universe. When the real humans are conversing with each other at the finale, one human suggests identifying what created them and the second one replies that seeking their creator will be a waste of time. If a deistic God won’t intervene in its creation, the real humans would be wasting time by attempting to contact him. Even though they can control space-time, if the creator exists outside of reality, they would not be able to reach this entity. Focusing on figuring out who created them means that time is wasted if they're not figuring out how to die which is why it would take them further away from death. Just as the simulated humans have souls, the real humans also have souls. At some point, the real humans discovered the soul. They are aware that this is needed for life to be sentient. The discovery of the soul could have played a key part in the real humans achieving immortality. The fake god is engineered by the real humans to create souls so that life can be sentient, mimic the universe's deistic God by allowing the simulation to run with no interference, and act as a mod to keep an eye on life with the red and white arrows. The celestial realm was created so the fake god would not be a part of the simulated world. Even though time moves differently in the celestial realm, it is the closest thing that the real humans can engineer to simulate a deist God that is separated from its creation. This fake god does not have the powers of a supreme being. The fake god does not know everything, is not everywhere at once, and does not display any sort of omnipotent ability. There is a lot of things that the fake god admits to not knowing, such as who created him, why are souls preserved, and how long does the merging process take. Although we do see the fake god have the ability to observe humanity, I would say that this is the equivalent of having admin privileges to watch humanity live-streamed on YouTube. The fake god is aware that he is created by someone. The fake god noticed that there are things that had already been created that he was not a part of just by observing everything in the universe. Although he seems to not understand what created him. He even acknowledges the idea that humanity could have created him. All the simulated souls come from the fake god. This is done through a process of emanation, which means to flow from. In the Abrahamic religions, specifically Gnosticism, Jewish Mysticism, and certain sectors of Protestantism, instead of your typical creator being separate from its creation, everything is a spontaneous outflow from God. As pieces of God emanate from him, it becomes less divine, but these pieces will eventually become an individual soul that forms into human spirits, angels, demons, as well as other things that come into reality such as heaven, hell, and the world of the living. Eventually, everything that came from God, will return back to the creator. (If you’re still confused on what emanation is, I would do more research before continuing to read as this will play a key role in understanding who the fake god is.) Emanation is how the fake god created the simulated human and their soul, the fake angels, and the celestial realm. The fake god took a piece of himself and used it to create life. Since everything emanates from the fake god is connected to him, as he is dying, most of the angels are dying too. Due to this connection, when the fake god killed himself, everything that was tied to the fake god disappeared. But because the creation of the fake god is not connected to the physical world, the planet and everything that is not life remained on it. When the simulated human beings die, the soul goes to the celestial realm. This is the returning aspect of emanation. The souls that came from the fake god are returning back to him. You always see all angels, regardless of rank, having the task of carrying the souls to the celestial realm. It seems that the main purpose of the angels is to help with the return part of the emanation process. The more that the emanence is divided, the less divine it becomes. This is why the fake humans are considered sub-celestial in the hierarchy. It appears that there is a certain order to the flow of emanation. The newest creations emanate from the fake god. Kids will be the first in the line for the emanate process and their parents will be behind them. This is why when the fake god committed suicide, the kids were the first ones to disappear, then the adults. All things that emanate from the fake god are returning to the original source in reverse order when the fake god takes his own life. When the fake god merges with a human, this appears to go against the set pattern of the emanation process by breaking the order in which the emanence flows. This is why when Shuji merged with the fake god, it felt like there was something foreign in the fake god's body similar to how an infected person's body acts when the immune system detects foreign bacteria or a virus. The only way to get around it is by the fake god merging with a simulated human and having the fake god take over the new body when the fusion is completedIt is stated by the fake god that it is nothing more than humanity's assumption that God cannot die. This may be true for the deistic God, but not for a fake god. It is already known that the real humans achieved immortality. Although the fake god could have been engineered to be immortal, that would just create another being who would eventually want to die. The fake god was designed to live a long life, compared to humans, that could be extended through the process of merging with one of its emanated counterparts until the simulation was completed. This has been done throughout time in the form of the god choosing process. The fake god confirmed to Shuji that his purpose was to create life. Professor Yoneda confirmed that the fake god was created by human imagination and that its purpose was to end life.On the surface, this may seem like a contradiction. But both of them are right. The fake god’s purpose was to create the simulated humans. God is metaphorically a creation of human imagination. It was not by the simulated human’s imagination as stated by Yoneda, but it was designed and engineered by the minds of the real humans. Since the purpose of the simulation is for the fake humans to achieve immortality and figure out how to reverse it, you can say that the fake god is a part of that process of killing humanity. Right as all of the humans are disappearing, Dr. Yoneda realizes that the composition that makes up the creature is based on a science that the simulated humans have not discovered yet. The composition of the fake god is Aether. In medieval times, a common study among scholars is alchemy, which can be best described as the forerunner for modern-day chemistry mixed with the pseudoscience of metaphysics. According to Charles Gillispie, a historian at Princeton University, in his book, The Edge of Objectivity, An Essay in the History of Scientific Ideas, Aether is the fifth element, along with earth, wind, fire, and water, that are the basic building blocks of the universe. During medieval times, Aether is the substance that is believed to connect the physical world to the spiritual one. It was even a common belief that the Abrahamic God was surrounded by Aether and that all of the angels, demons, and souls that dwelled in the afterlife breathed it in as humans breathed in the air. According to Jakob Bernoulli, a mathematician from the 1600s, believed that Aether is what allowed souls to interact with their human bodies. All of these characteristics of Aether match the composition of the fake god. Aether is what allows life to become sentient, connecting all of the simulated humans back to the fake god from the physical world to the celestial realm. It seems at some point, the real humans discover this element. This discovery most likely led to the discovery of the soul. Using this element, the real humans used Aether to construct the fake god needed for the simulations. Everything that is a part of the simulation, the fake god, angels, the soul, the arrows, is made up of this element. The red arrow is what allows the god candidates to make other humans fall in love with them so much that the person who is under the influence of the arrow will do literally anything the person who is in control wants, even die for them. The white arrow has the ability to kill any life while all inanimate objects are unaffected. These were limits placed on the arrows by the fake god. According to Ogaro, the fake god can use the full power of the arrows at will. The red arrow is more than just making someone fall in love. The arrow does this by taking away their free will. The god candidates were limited to using the arrow on 14 people at once for a period of up to 33 days. With the fake god able to use the full power of the red arrow, he can enslave any or all simulated humans with a snap of his finger for as long as he desired. The red arrow also played a role in creating the first simulated life as well. The fake god stated that if life was left alone, it would multiply. The desire of falling in love and wanting to procreate was implanted by the red arrow when life was created. The white arrow is the opposite of the red arrow. This arrow can kill life instantly. The limit that was placed on this arrow is that only one white arrow can be shot at a time. Just like the red arrow, this arrow has a maximum range of 31.6 meters. When cycling the white arrow, there is a cool down period of 0.3 seconds. If these limiters are removed, the fake god can kill all humans with the white arrows with virtually no limit on distance, any number of arrows can be used simultaneously, and there would be no mandatory cool down period.The creation of the simulated humans involves two key ingredients. The first is the soul which comes from the fake god. The second is a physical body for the soul to be attached to. The real humans asked if it was worth planting another seed and another god as those are two separate things.The making of another god is obviously the fake god. But what is the seed? The seed is what makes the physical embodiment of all plants and animals that all emanence is attached to. I.E., souls attached to bodies. According to the fake god, before he created life on the fake Earth, there was some sort of micro-organism.This seed would be that micro-organism, specifically carbon-based bacteria that is capable of evolution. Around 3 billion years ago, the first life on Earth was bacteria. There are two types of bacteria, a classification of anaerobic bacteria that ate other organic compounds and simple sugars to survive. The other kind is autotrophs bacteria which is capable of self-feeding. Anaerobic bacteria would evolve into modern-day animals. Autotroph bacteria would evolve into modern-day plants that still have the ability to self-feed through a process of photosynthesis. It is possible to send bacteria through space. According to a 2020 study published in the Journal of Frontiers in Microbiology, bacteria were able to survive in space for three years. If the real humans were able to transport the seed through space in less than 3 years, it could easily survive. Considering they achieved immortality, it is within reason to think this would be a piece of cake for them. At some point, part of the anaerobic bacteria would come in contact with the fake god, who was on the fake Earth at that time to make life, recognized the fake god as food, and attempted to feed off of him to survive. The bacteria that fed off the fake god would eventually evolve into Nasse. The bacteria that did not feed off of the fake god would evolve into more complex forms of life on the fake Earth. Since Nasse was accidentally created from this event, it most likely means that she is the first angel that the fake god created. This means that she could serve as inspiration for the fake god to create angels for the celestial realm. The angels don't seem to share any ability to reproduce with each other. There is never any mention of any family heritage. It means that all of the angels were created around the same time. Since Nasse is the only angel that came from the seed/bacteria, her biological makeup differs from all the other angels. While the majority of her is angel, part of the genetic makeup is similar to carbon-based life. Although I would not say Nasse is an angel-human hybrid, she could be considered a type of Nephilim. Due to this biological difference, Nasse is the only angel that can interfere in both the physical world and the celestial realm. Much research has shown that facial expressions are innate among all animals, not just humans. The same animals that display facial expressions when expressing emotions, lying, determination, etc. use similar muscles in the face as humans do. For example, a Psychologist, Paul Ekman, studied facial expression from hours of film and ventured on to multiple isolated tribes who have very little contact with modern society. He showed them pictures of facial expressions and asked them to interpret them. These people were able to match facial expressions and their meaning with high accuracy. This is one of the many studies that show facial expressions are genetic. Even though Nasse is single-minded, she is able to understand facial expressions due to her biological relationship with the simulated life on the fake Earth. But hey, this is just a theory."

I had the most realistic, vivid, totally x-rated dream about my boss a couple nights ago. It was out of nowhere, I've never thought of him in that way *at all* until this dream, and now I cannot see him the same as before the dream, so it's incredibly embarrassing and awkward to deal with him. Even though nothing actually happened, it's making me almost have kind of a crush on him?
I've been working there for a couple years, I do some of the admin work so I interact with him pretty often throughout the day, and he's sweet in a dorky old man way, he's funny, but he's at least 20 years older than me. He's the kind of person you can't even picture in a sexual manner, it somehow seems wrong to think of him like that, and he doesn't do or say anything that would make that come to mind, like he never flirts or does anything suggestive, at least at work. He's more like everybody's dad or grandpa around us. And now I can't look at him without thinking of what he was like in that dream. I can't look him in the eye because of it, he makes my heart pound, my face is burning whenever he talks to me, I can't stop it, and I know it's noticeable. I almost want to quit. How do I get over this?

Hi me 20(m) and my ex gf 20(f) broke up with me the week after Valentine’s Day. We still stayed in contact without each other and a or two later she told me she wanted to get back together. But that didn’t happen for a multitude of reasons one me being tired of her posting and tagging a guy I told her I wasn’t too fond of but her excuse was that they had a brother sister relationship and are just friends and will always be. Another reason I forgot she was filming for her college’s basketball team so she wasn’t on her phone for most of the day so I texted her “r u dead?” Because she didn’t snap me back from last night and she wasn’t active of either IG or tiktok. I didn’t even mean anything by asking it, I meant it in a joking manner because her manager said the same thing to her a few days prior. But she got super mad at me and said that’s that behavior that’s pushing her away. Which was extremely heartbreaking to hear bc it wasn’t meant to be taken like that.
So after that “incident” she got upset bc I was reposting stuff on tiktok about narcissist people/behaviors. And she took great offense to that and told me to stop trying to convince her that she’s a narcissist but… I’m not the first person to call her one. Her BEST FRIEND did a pros and cons of dating her and one of her cons was that she was a narcissist. Orrrrrr when her SISTER made a video about her (ex gf) redflags and one of them was that she was a narcissist. Orrrrr the fact she has “ narcissistic, but nonchalant” in her bio of one of her private tiktoks. Orrrrr her old college roommate making a story posting saying “were narcissistic asf”. Personally I’ve never had a person let alone multiple people call me a narcissist especially but people that know me the best and longest but ig I’m the bad guy for saying it…
And while I was on one of the private tiktoks I would a post of a photo dump posting two days before we hung out for the first time and it had multiple pictures of her and her ex that she broke up with in October (we hung out for the first time on Jan. 3rd. So I bring it up to her and basically she proceeds to lie and manipulate me into thinking I’m weird to even bringing this topic up. Mind you the only reason I did was being it was bothering me too much not knowing the truth behind the photos and I just wanted some form of reassurance so I could gts but instead the situation got flipped back on me because she was upset I brought it up and that I didn’t blindly trust what she was saying. Her exact words were “ you should just give me the benefit of the doubt sometimes”. But turns she “cheated” on the ex that was in the photo dump. And I say “cheated” for multiple reasons. One being after her and the previous ex broke up in October she told him she wanted to get back together with him now she denies that conversation ever happened but her ex told me otherwise and at this point, I believe him more than her. But he told me she asked him to come stay with her in her apartment (just them two) because she didn’t wanted to be alone. Or when he told me they hung out frequently after they both were home from college. Or when he told me they spent Christmas together or when he told me the last time they hung out before I came into the picture was two days before me and her hung for the first time. So he kinda sounds like he’s telling the truth here.
But the real kicker is that she texted me explaining the whole situation and she said she KNEW he still liked her like that but when I slid into her dm’s around Dec. 13th she didn’t mention anything about an ex. So we hung out the 3rd of January I went they we went out to eating then shopped a bit and went back to her place. After I left she told me her ex pulled up on her and cussed her about and she was telling me about how crazy he was because she said she made it clear to him they were just friends now. But what I know now from her whole explanation she gave me she straight up lied to him about what she was doing that day. She told him she was going to with friends not that she was with another guy or anything. And her excuse was “I didn’t feel comfy telling him what I was doing”…crazy ik
But that brings me to my point. We dating for almost a year and when he broke up and I unadded her not even two months later she’s soft launching some new guy. But one of her private tiktoks and instagrams I’m still posted on it multiple times. And only the private tiktok she likes my reposts even though we haven’t talked since March 20th.
I also don’t want to sound conceited in anyway, but the new guy kinda looks like me slightly.
So if anyone actually read all of this, can you please help me get over this? Or think about all of this in a more healthy way.

I (m24) have feelings for someone who’s married (f26). How do I know if I’m getting played?
Regardless of how shitty her husband is, or how she’s applying for new houses and “just wants to leave in peace” (her words), even though nothing has happened, I know I’m the bad guy. That’s not the question. In all honesty, I really just need to vent and don’t know where else to go.
A few weeks ago I was talking to someone I’ve known, worked with and liked for a while about life. Quickly came up (and I’ve known for a while) that she wants to leave her husband, and for god knows what reason I saw an opportunity. We started talking more for a few days, she added me on more social media and we spent an afternoon together, just driving around, going to the mall and enjoying the day. Honestly normal friend stuff. Didn’t really think much of it on her end, but on mine I was still crushed to see a ring on her finger and a picture of the husband in her car. As time goes on though conversations have been a bit flirtier, a lot more frequent (at this point pretty much all day), and just a lot more like a relationship. She’s mentioned that she’s told her husband she wants to separate but it’s hard to find a place where we live right now.
We’ve hung out more since then too. Went on a bit of a nature trip and then to another town with her and her friend. When I realized that maybe feelings were mutual was when her friend was making a few comments. Asking which of the two of us were older, a comment about how I held the door for her, idk. Just some things that made me think maybe she’s talked to her friend about me in a way that’s more than friends.
The other night I stopped to see her as she was leaving work and we were talking more. The ring was gone, picture of her husband was nowhere to be seen. As I was leaving she gave me a hug that was again, a lot longer than a normal friendly hug. I stuck around and talked for a bit longer and something was said about not kissing her because we’re on camera in the parking lot. Boom. I know for absolute certainty the feelings are there too.
Today was a strange day. She said her husband went through her phone today so she deleted me on a few socials (added me back immediately after). I asked why he went through her phone, especially if they’re separating. “He always does.” It honestly checks out. I’ve never met the dude but from other people and not just her, he’s manipulative and controlling. She stopped by to see me today and we were talking for a bit, she wanted to do something and not go home because she doesn’t ever want to be there. We talked for about 10-15 minutes just figuring out something we could do because it was late and most places were closed. Abruptly she said that she needed to go home. Her husband texted her and asked where she was and she said “home.” But around the same time the husband’s sister texted her a picture of her car where we were. I tried to go for a kiss this time and she said she couldn’t because she’s “not single yet.” At that point it all kind of hit me at once. She is still there, living with her husband. I don’t really know for sure what kind of relationship they have, I can only assume it’s pretty negative. But in the couple of weeks we’ve spent talking she still goes home every night, presumably sleeping in the same bed as him. I’m not hidden to friends but for sure hidden from him, he’s confronted her about me even before there was really even anything happening. But it crushed me because I realized for sure that I have feelings. Am I getting played? Will she ever leave him? Obviously the second question is rhetorical but if anyone has advice I’m all ears. At this point I’m just scared that I’m going to be hurt in the end

Please correct me if I have the wrong info
Urinators seem to love bringing up her "wuv for animals"; She even claimed it was the reason she went "vegan" years ago and had adopted multiple pets. But the facts seem to tell a different story. Aside from wearing fur and leather, her... handling of pets makes me a bit suspicious. I think her insistence on carrying around a poorly potty trained dog is so inconsiderate with people around her. She says Toulouse is a service dog and blah, blah, but COME ON. If she's going to take him out she has to be considerate with his needs too, and that includes making sure he has a proper space for soiling.
You know what? She seems to have much more pets than the ones she can realistically tend for. When she adopted the pig it was so cringey, it obviously was part of her vapid crush on Pete. I doubt she really likes them all as much as she claims; it seems she takes pictures for social media and then leaves them at her mom's house 🙄 Pets are living beings, need attention and time for bonding. You can't just throw money at service employees and pretend that is love. I think it plays to her self-centeredness, a topic we often discuss in this sub. She only cares about her whims, who the fuck remembers that pigs make strong bonds? She can live and go wherever she wants,feed Ethan omakase in Japan and ride him in New York or whatever; also she has of course lots of work related activities that make quite likely she lefts most of her pets behind. Her calling the paps to show off how sad she was for Mac by walking out Myron was beyond revolting.
tl;dr : The lack of empathy, attunement and deep connection this woman shows for people may also reflect on her interactions with animals. She only cares about them playing into her facade.

I'm going to my first live concert in a few days. I've only ever been to school choiband concerts, which are definitely very different from what I'm going to now. I've seen pictures of the venue and it seems pretty crowded, doesn't look like there's any seating, so it'll just be standing room. lights look fairly bright and colorful, and the band is pretty popular so I'm guessing that there will be a lot of people who will be very excited, so it'll probably be pretty loud. I'm a 15 year old female, so I'm also realistically worried about possible creeps. I will be with at least two of my friends as well as two parent chaperones, so I do have people to go to if I get overwhelmed or if something happens. I'm planning on bringing my ear defenders and at least one sensory/comfort item, but I'm unsure how much I can bring, I need to check the venue's bag policies as well as take into consideration where to locate things in my bag in case of potential pickpockets. I'd like to know if anyone has any suggestions on other things I can do to prepare (I have a 3 hour car ride to the venue with some of my friends beforehand that I can use for some sensory pre-calming), and just any other general tips on how to make the concert experience fun and manageable as an autistic person.

20 M I was sexually abused by my grandpa at the age of five he would let me touch is penis and then on sucking on it I hate myself that I enjoyed it so much only because my grandpa enjoyed it the last time we did this my grandpa told me we had to stop at first I was mad because I enjoyed making him feel happy but now I realized he was stopping from it going any more further potentially hurting me even more I recently told someone about for the first time in my life and I started crying and sobbing I apologize profusely for crying and they told me that it's ok you don't need to apologize I felt so disgusted and ashamed with myself telling someone I enjoyed touching my grandpas penis now typing this I have those same feelings of disgusted and being ashamed I feel so dirty I feel like a monster I just want comfort I feel so alone right now
I am also struggling with my sexuality I tell everyone I'm straight but deep down I'm gay or bi and it hurts me lying to people because I'm so insecure I just wanna love myself growing up I was always put on a high pedestal i was pictured as the kid who was going to be successful I’m scared if I come out I’m going to disappoint everyone also I was bullied because they thought I was gay and every time some asked I would deny it i know coming out would make me feel weak knowing that the bullies were right and they have won

I’m 19 and a half now and idk why but ever since high school since 2019 I’ve been so scared to talk to people. I didn’t go to my NHS induction, my high school graduation, yearbook signing etc. due to my fear of people, mostly girls. I’m only extroverted with my family and my one friend I’ve had since middle school, and we only hang out during the summer because he lives across the country now for college. I go to class or work otherwise I’m at home, and I just sit in my room scrolling through social media or watch YouTube like a zombie. I go to a commuter school so there’s not much going on on campus and we don’t talk in class. I don’t go anywhere and when the conversation comes up of what my hobbies are, I look like a fool.
One thing I do love about myself but also kinda hate is my imagination. Sometimes I picture myself getting ice cream or pizza or something with a girl, or her playing on my ps5 and me just looking at her because of how beautiful she is, or me just nuzzling myself in the curls of her hair while she’s humming reading a book or something. My imagination is my drug, because it puts me in a state of such contentment with myself. And the feeling is great, and it’s so real that I just smile like an idiot in my room with my eyes closed while I’m imagining this and then I slowly realize it’s not real, and I’m just a boring person who’s never gonna experience it irl. And then I look at my phone and it’s 3am on a Sunday and I think about how I need to get to work at 7 or get to class at 8.
I’m Muslim so it’s not like I’m allowed to date anyway. I’m at that age where a lot of family and relatives are like hey when are you get married and I’m just thinking to myself how the fuck am I gonna have that. I’m terrified of weddings, especially being Pakistani where they’re huge as hell and like 6 days long. This is probably because at my cousins wedding in 2021 my dad forced me to dance like in front of 60 people when I never danced in my life. Plus who would want to marry a person who’s in college and has nothing else going on in life. I was really sad that I was not doing good in school because I felt like there was no point. I feel like I don’t belong anywhere and that I’m truly a misfit since that’s all I’ve been. The only motivation I have is to make my parents proud because they tried pretty hard to raise me to be a good hardworking person. But as someone with pretty much no friends and this mundane life I feel like there’s no point. If I went to bed and didn’t wake up in the morning other than my parents not a single person would care, or notice. I just want true friends and a partner man.

Throwaway account for what will be obvious reasons, and apologies, but this is longer than intended.
I (38F) have recently decided to dip my toes back in to the flaming cesspool that is dating in this modern age. I joined an app, matched with a few guys, talked with a few less, and had a dinner date last night with F (40M) who I felt like I was vibing with via text.
F and I had agreed to meet last night at a nice but not stupidly-expensive steakhouse in a popular upscale district downtown. I had originally planned on driving my Jeep, but it has been at the shop for maintenance and they still hadn't finished by COB Friday. I live too far out of town for Uber to be reliable, so I decided to have fun and drive my new car that was just delivered this week. I got to the restaurant 45 minutes early, valet-parked (I would have done this with the Jeep too, parking in this district is a complete nightmare), and walked down the block to a stationary/book binding boutique I love to pick up a few things. When I walked back to the restaurant to meet F I was a little surprised to see my car was still parked out front of the restaurant in one of the reserved spots instead of being moved back to the designated lot. I asked and found out that the valet company policy was for any car over a certain value threshold be left in the reserved spots out front both to keep an eye on them, and so that the company wouldn't have the liability of a valet potentially damaging them driving. That made perfect sense to me, so I didn't ask them to move it to the back.
F met me at the host stand and after about five minutes got seated at our table. Hilariously to me, we got seated next to the window looking directly out at my car.
Dinner started off... ok? F started off pretty affable, but started making little comments early on about my dress, and what I ordered and how I wanted my steak cooked - he tried to insist to our server that I really wanted medium when I had ordered my steak cooked blue. I joked to the server that when I said I wanted my steak blue (for those who don't know, "blue" is extra-rare), that that might actually be too well-done for me, better just bring it out raw. The server laughed, but F was quiet.
Conversation after that was pretty one-sided. He did ask me "what do you do for a job" (my standard answer is working at an animal sanctuary. It's not technically a lie...), which he scoffed at and made a comment about how I "must not make any money doing that" and "are you sure you can cover your bill here?". I laughed it off, but definitely found it rude.
Once I asked him about his job he completely took over the conversation. He went on ad nauseam about his job in finance at a major corporation, but once he started in about what a great investment crypto is I knew for sure he wasn't getting a second date. Honestly, it felt like I was talking to someone completely different than who I had been texting, and I was not a fan.
I had ordered desert to go, when for some reason, probably trying to impress me? F pointed out the window at what just so happened to be MY car, saying that he was doing so well in crypto he had just picked it up at the dealership, and was getting another next week just because he could.
Now some important backstory: in my very early 20s I won a significant lottery jackpot. Initially I absolutely went stupid and was spending money like an asshole, but after a few months one of my uncle's (a self-made multi-millionaire) sat me down, made me run the numbers with him, and showed me how if I kept doing what I was doing I would be broke before I was 40. He helped me get a good financial planner, and to make long-term plans. As a result over time I've still been able to have and do pretty much whatever I want as long as I don't decide to do something stupid like have a jet for every week of the year, and my money has actually grown. I've helped my close friend's and family out (and only gotten burned once), invest in local small businesses, and donate to charities that mean something to me.
I now live on a large farm outside of our major Midwestern city. And while I do travel all around the world, I spend the majority of my time training and showing horses, as well as providing homes for horses that have been rescued from the slaughter pipeline and can't be repurposed back to work, or retired show horses that need a soft spot to land (and various other animals, like pigs, alpacas, and an absolute hoard of chickens. Someone offered me a giraffe once, and I had to politely decline). And yes, I do actually do a lot of the hands-on work myself, although I have other people who clean the stalls and help with the general caretaking of the retired crowd, which is why it's not really lying when I say I 'work at an animal sanctuary'.
Now don't get me wrong, I absolutely love the finer things in life like the latest tech and designer clothes, bags, and shoes, but as I've matured I tend to not go for the flashy "logo" option. Except for one thing...
I love fast cars. My daily-driver is a Jeep that I've had for 10 years, and I have a big truck for farm stuff (I didn't drive it to dinner because it is huge and will not fit in any of the garages downtown), but I also have a small collection of late-model Lamborghinis, starting with the Murcielago I bought during my "asshole spending" phase. I also have a Gallardo, an Aventador, a Huracan, and this week I finally had my Revuelto delivered after ordering it more than a year ago. The Revuelto is what I decided to drive to my date, because I just couldn't resist the excuse to drive the new toy.
Now, back to F trying to claim my car as his. On my best day I am a sarcastic bitch, and this opportunity was too much for me to pass up. I started playing along, asking him "omg, isnt that a Lambor-jeenie Hurricane?", which he confirmed it was, and "would he take me for a ride in it after dinner?" He said maybe on our second date he would.
Basically for the next 10 minutes until we settled our checks he bullshitted his way through my questions about the "Hurricane", and how he could help me invest in crypto so I could have nice things too, and "get some nicer clothes from somewhere better than Target, because my girlfriend should only wear designer". For the record, I love Target and have a lot of clothes from there, but I was wearing a dress from The Row to dinner and my bag and shoes were designer as well, just without obvious logos for him to pick up on.
We walked out of the restaurant together and he made a show of telling me and anyone who would listen (there was a small crowd looking at my car and taking pictures with it, which is fine with me as long as they dont lean/sit on it) that he had an errand to run and would be picking his car up from the valet later, but he would wait with me until my car got brought up. I agreed, walked away to the valet stand to pay my ticket, tip, and collect my keys. Then I walked over to my car, and watched his jaw hit the pavement as I opened the door. I said "by the way F, it's a Revuelto, definitely not a "hurricane", and not even a Huracan, but I have one of those too". Some of the people who had been looking at my car were laughing at F as I got in and drove off.
I had 17 texts when I got home from F, berating me for embarrassing him in front of people because I didn't tell him it was my car from the beginning. He also called me a fat bitch after I pointed out he never should have tried to say it was his in the first place and declined his invite to a second date...
Tl;dr I went on a date with a crypto-bro who didn't know I drove a Lamborghini, and he tried to pretend my car was his to impress me.
So AITA for letting him pretend my car was his, and then publicly showing him it wasn't?

asking here bc this sub was suggested, idk I don't think he's actually abusive- I argue back alot too, but I just need someone's input on what to make of this behaviour
my (24f) bf (29m) pays for everything, how much mistreatment is the normal amount to tolerate?
for background My (24f) long distance boyfriend (29m) of 4 years has paid for every flight and outing we've been on. he is not well off, he just manages his moneh and spends it on alcohol and visiting me.
I'm a full time student and don't work, we were both aware of the financial situation going in, and I do buy him gifts and financially contribute when I can, it's just to a lesser degree.
we argue excessively often. we are very obviously both sick of it. and yet he keep doing the same things that cause fights (drunk and dropping shitty comments, flirting/ sexting other women, threatening to tell on me to my family/ send pictures of me, spending literally no time with me). the plan was to get married this december- but the man doesn't ever want to do anything with me. once I finally begged enough, he started agreeing to silently streaming on discord.
it would make sense if this was because he wants to end the relationship- but when I move to do that, there is lots of protest, and the reminder that we are getting married in December. there is no apology or explination, but today during the subsequent argument briefly mentioned in my previous post, I mention that I am getting nothing out of this relationship aside the dessimation of my mental health. to which his response was that I lose nothing with the relationship ending but he put alot of money into it.
I mention that I stayed involved far longer than I should have on account of sunk cost fallacy and it'd be dumb for us both to stick around if we're both doing that. he then says no that's not it .
none of his behaviour makes sense to me, when I ask him to explain things I am told to stop starting fights or he just ignores me. so someone else please explain to me- why would someone who does not have a fetish for spending, waste a significant portion of his income on a woman he is just going to mistreat?
I don't understand at all. like the only explination I can come up with for him keeping this up is he must be at lest getting some kind of ego trip out of my constant attention and how easy it is to upset me and know I won't leave but he genuinely looks and sounds so decent and innocent sober I actually can't comprehend that he is actually just devoid of any empathy.
we're at the point where it is just toxic; I can't cope with the way he treats me when he's drunk anymore. I actually only just realized how fucked up it is that he was here in december, I learnt about the year long emotional affair he was having with another woman (for which he expects me to congratulate him for blocking her after I asked), tried to Kms, and ended uo comong back home from the hospital with him.
and since, I have repeatedly asked him to stop fighting with me over nothing - because fights are alwyas him.drunk and then resolving to talk to another woman after deciding I am too mean, having another year long emotionl affair because of how often we fight because of me being upset about the lady time he did the same thing. and me actually having ruined my skin and eyesight with how much I've cried and rotted these past few months.
I don't understand why he wants to stay together when this is what it's like. i even questioned if it's just so he has somewhere to stay when he visits for a little holiday and he insists that's not it either, since he wouldn't really bother travelling here if it weren't to visit me.
so what is he actually doing here?

Hey! Ik a lot of the incoming first year engineering students have accepted their offers recently (congrats!) and I thought this may be of use for you guys and some of these can go for any first year student honestly. I learned so so much during my first year and would love to share if it even benefits one person!
- every percent helps! A lot of your mark will be based off the midterm and final, but most classes have room to gain marks in quizzes and homework. Although each one may be worth small (for ex. in pcs each hw is work 0.5%), don't get in the habit of slacking off and overlooking those. Those percents add up and can help you pass your course esp if you do poorly on major assessments. it can be very easy to skip or forget them in the midst of midterm season, but you future self will thank you when your calculating your grade at the end of the semester. Plus its a great way to stay sharp and caught up!
- join clubs. everyone says this but its for a reason!!!! It is an excellent way to meet upper years and learn from them, as well as gain skills and opportunities that set you apart from peers. You can also add it to your LinkedIn and climb up the exec ladder if you stick to the same clubs over the years. This is the best thing I could've done my first year. Although it can be challenging managing them along your classes, even joining one or two positions can help make yourself well rounded. Some examples are MUES positions, FYEO fyc, IEEE, WiE, BMES, MECU, ECEstorms, CECU and literally SM more.
- design teams. on the topic of clubs, design teams esp are something I wish I joined but hope to in my second year. Design teams are amazing because they allow you to contribute to physical projects and use the concepts you are taught in your classes! They're also great because you can add these projects to your resume and linkendin.
- find good friends/study group. It can be overwhelming and scary in the beginning to make friends, and it does take time to build those relationships. However I highly recommend you put yourself out there and out your comfort zone even if it is just talking to someone while waiting outside of a lecture. I cannot stress enough how beneficial a supportive friend/group can be for your entire degree! You guys can hang out between classes, lock in and study together, they can be there to help you/teach the things you don't understand, hold you accountable when you slack off, hype you up and push you to seek new oppurtunites, and make sm memories. don't be scared about meeting new people, it is a lot easier than you think esp bc everyone is on the same boat in first year and looking for friends! Joining clubs as I mentioned is a great way, as well as talking to the people in your tutorials/labs and inviting them to get a bite or drink with you!
- hold your self accountable. You know yourself best and you know when you are slacking off, when you are doing something you shouldn't be, when you can be doing better than you are, etc. University is not like hs where you have a teacher or figure to hold you accountable, you need to do that for yourself. Eng is not easy, you need to know when it's time to study or put in effort because spoiler alert, you need both to succeed. you cannot expect to pass or have good grades if you are only going to lectures and not reviewing, doing your hw, or studying. and holding yourself accountable throughout the sem can make studying for finals and midterms easier for you.
- be careful using chatgpt, bc you will become dependent on it. Ai is definitely a helpful tool than can be used to answer specific questions and spark new ideas, however use it cautiously. Pushing and using your brain is so good for you, however access to gpt and ai can make it seem like an easy fix. It is, but all I am saying is don't use it for everything, don't use it when you have the answers in your notes or textbook, don't use it if you have time to work it out/think on it. you do not want to become one of those brain rot individuals that cannot think and speak for themself thats all.
- save your money. I wish I'd hear this before but it is incredibly easy to blow off money in your first year esp at tmu. There are food and shopping places in every corner, so if you have the money/savings it's easy to get in the habit of buying food or a sweet treat every day. Many of us aren't working during school either. Just remember that each course you take cost money, if you need to take it again or online it cost money, your homework textbooks and lab equipment often costs money, and if you are on osap you will need money to pay it back! just be careful 🥲
- chang policy. I had to learn this one the hard way too. If you would like to take a course virtually through chang the refund policy is NOT the same as in person courses. If you change your mind about the course and want a full policy, you need to drop the course 5 BUSINESS DAYS before it begins if you want a full refund. I dropped a course 4 business days before and had to pay 50% for a course I did not take.
- time management because the workload is intense. engineering is not easy but time management can make your degree manageable and not feel impossible. it may be hard to find the routine and flow that works for you, but if I can give any advice while you do it is to make use of the time you have when you have it. Use resources like a planner, google cal, to-do lists, reminders etc to stay on top and make time for everything. being able to manage your time can save you a lot of panic and stress in midterm and final season. although the workload can get overwhelming, break your tasks down and take it day by day, but make sure you get done what you need too.
- start group projects early, especially CEN100. you will encounter many group projects during your first year, and most of the important ones happen near the end of the semester. I highly suggest you urge you and your group to get started or at least plan/break down tasks early, ideally from the get go when it is assigned. trying to coordinate with group members who are all busy with the end of the semester can be difficult and makes room for conflict to arise. not to mention starting early gives you time to seek help and critique from your TA. if you need to be that person, hold the group accountable and make sure you guys do not leave it for last min.
- don't compare yourself. everyone comes from different educational and social backgrounds. for some it may come as a shock to be surrounded by people who are as smart as you if not probably smarter. it is so easy to compare yourself and your success to others and it can easily become discouraging. just know that although you will meet people doing great while you may be near flunking, everyone is still struggling and finding it difficult. they may have different learning styles from you that makes it easier for them to learn new material, or they may have come from a school/background where they have already learned it. that doesn't mean you can't get to that level tho, for some it just takes some extra effort and that is okay.
- connect with your TA's and profs and build a relationship with them. You won't always come across a friendly or dedicated instructor, but if you feel you you have give them the chance to get to know and remember you, go to office hours and your tutorials even if they are optional. chances are they may be willing to give you advice or insight on what is on the midterm/final, or they could be the reason your mark has been boosted enough for you to pass. this is not always the case, but it often is.
- it will be a learning curve and takes time to adjust. as much as people can advise and warn you, you won't know what you are getting yourself into until you are actually in it. university for most people is a whole different ball park, let alone an engineering degree. you likely may not find your circle, your flow and your space right away and that is okay, it is part of the process that sets you up to be the best engineer you can be one day. some may be able to adjust quicker than others but just be patient with yourself, if you need to break up for your year into the spring/summer sem so be it. they say the first year of eng is the hardest bc it is such a large jump from high school, but remember it isn't impossible, so many people have done it and so can you. be kind with yourself, and use the many many resources that are available for your success.
- stay caught up in your classes to avoid burnout during midterm and exam season. one of my biggest regrets is missing so much class after midterms and having to cram for finals. Up until my midterms for both semesters I was caught up and following along in everything which made studying less time consuming bc I was already familiar with most the material, it was just filling in the gaps and practicing. Finals nearly took me out bc of the amount of cramming I had to do before I could even get to studying. not to mention seeing the material multiple times will make it stick better by logic. falling behind is common, but don't let it get too far because it truly is very hard to come back from. try to study as you go through the semester, and review/practice the lessons regularly. do not let the material leave your brain as soon as you learn it.
- it is okay to fail. many of us come from being high achievers in high school and getting above average grades. but you will come to learn that grades in the 45-60 range is normal. it is not the end of the world if you fail a course, especially in your first year. you are not dumb, you are not a failure, you are not letting anyone down. failing a course or two is normal and fairly common at least once during this degree. as a first year there is a lot of leeway and room for success, so you can just take it the next sem or the spring.
- make time for your family. this mostly goes for the commuters, but it can be difficult to make time for them especially when the semester ramps up. you may find yourself locked up in your room or coming home late from a library study sesh. but for many people they are your support system and even taking an hour away from your work to spend time with them and be a breath of fresh air and much needed to feel connected to them.
- go to student events! there are genuinely SO MANY that run throughout the year especially for us. I highly recommend to you to as many conferences as you can, GVIC, the WiE if you are female, the one from FYEO and more from MUES. these are great to make industry connections, learn things you don't learn in class, you can make friends, network, and grow yourself professionally. there are other more fun and chill student events that run too that can be great to destress during the sem and wind down with your friends.
- learn to make use of your time if your commute. Many of us who take the go have quite long commutes that can make it feel like a chunk of our day is gone. Something to help with that is just learning to manage the travel time and get something done. This can be being productive and study, taking a power nap, winding down/screen time before locking in at home, have lunch/dinner, making phone calls, etc. Plan your day out and what you are going to do during that commute time, it can truly help structure your day sm better.
- split your chegg. if you really need to buy it (its great for CHY homework and PCS) find some reliable and not snitchy friends and split it so its cheaper. although again, be careful using such tool incase you become dependent on it. it is a tool not solution, use it to learn how to do questions you don't have examples on, but still make sure you do most the hw for practice etc.
- don't get in the habit of skipping class. everyone says this yet we all do it. but I feel like I still need to include this since I have tasted my own medicine from skipping so much. its fine to skip here and there but don'ttttt make it a habit bc it is near impossible to break. its starts with one class, and then you skip the next one bc you didn't catch up and you're gonna be lost either way, and then it snowballs from there. its okay if you aren't caught up from previous missed lectures. just go, even if you just sit there and pay attention without taking notes. you will eventually catch up if you go, but letting it become a habit is just cutting yourself short and holding you back from sm academic success.
- don't overlook the easy classes. they WILL be your mark booster but you still need to put in the effort. for me they were CEN100, CHY102, my liberals, and CPS188. If you care about your gpa make sure you put effort into these classes bc they are very easy to do well in and will boost your gpa.
- its okay to feel imposter syndrome. I went through this a lot and felt like eng was not for me at many times because I would get in the habit of comparing myself. I don't think I felt like I belonged or felt like I was where I was supposed to be until the winter sem. as I mentioned it can take time to find your space but you will eventually. try to remember why you went into eng in the first place, and if it was just money joining clubs/going to eng events can help you find passion or belonging in it again. at the end of the day just trust your gut. if you truly truly feel like you can't see yourself working as an engineer maybe you could reconsider. but if you can but you are just struggling, I promise the imposter syndrome is normal but it will go away.
- NO all nighters. this is coming from someone who has pulled one too many this year and regrets it every single time. I feel like we all know this by now but just prioritize your sleep guys, this again comes down to time management but get enough sleep helps you SO MUCH to learn and digest all the material. you may be able to stay awake physically but you brain needs the rest. and ESPECIALLY DONT PULL ALL NIGHTERS BEFORE EXAMS. So many times this sem have I experience the worst brain fog of my life from doing this, you start to forget the most basic of things and concepts you may have perfected. it can be so easy to overlook our sleep but it truly is so important. don't sacrifice it, if you need to take the L bc you didn't study enough just take it, bc honestly studying more ahead would've saved you if you feel like you need to miss your sleep to cram.
- don't buy a single textbook. the only time you should is PCS and CHY bc it comes with the homework which you need to buy. other than that don't you can find it all online for free either on Anna's archive, the eng gcs or upper years.
- be prepared for midterms. tbh nothing could've prepared me, it is intense. esp if you are taking the full course load. the learning does not stop when midterms roll around, you will still have fast paced lectures, still have hw, still have regular quizzes and projects on top of studying for midterms. It can honestly feel suffocating in the midst of it and extremely overwhelming, but again this is where time management comes to play, use planning resources, and set yourself up for success from the very beginning of the sem. the biggest mistake people make is skipping lectures during midterms, because let me tell you, you will not make the time to catch up during midterm season, and even when it is over you are likely quite far behind or near finals. try your self to ensure you keep going to your classes during it. ALSO, make sure you study well for your midterms, for many people they do better on the midterm than the final so allocating those grades from the midterm is a great idea.
- check your emails! there are so many opportunities and resources that get sent to your inbox. this includes free tutoring, study halls, event details, on campus paid opportunities, club hirings etc.
- take care of yourself. like sm other things it can be so easy to overlook your basic needs and let yourself go. whether that be skipping meals or eating fast food alllllll the time, not sleeping, not showering and doing laundry, not giving yourself free time, etc, you need to look after yourself because no one else will. and the only way you can do well is ensuring you yourself are well. feed yourself healthy and balanced meals, get enough sleep, PLEASE SHOWER AND USE DEODORANT (the stereotype is in fact true), and take yourself outside on walks and with your loved ones. don't lose yourself along the way, it is all about balance.
- do not drop linear algebra in the fall. just listen to me on this one. even if you absolutely BOMB the midterm, don't get scared by it and decide to drop it. this happens essentially every year, and they usually, every year, make the final much easier and straight forward than the midterm is so it IS possible to pass. at the end of the day all you need is a 50 and it is very doable if you have the quiz/hw grades secured (free marks for most people) and study well for the final. try to get profs like majed and wang bc if you are near passing they may boost you enough too. and even if you did fail, so be it that is fine, you can take it in the winter but atleast you gave it youre all and said you tried but chances are you will pass. I say this bc the winter sections for linear algebra ive heard are much harder than the fall, although I think they curve at the end, it is a lottttt more theoretical and confusing so I recommend you push yourself for the fall and see where that takes you.
Anddddd I think that's all! I know that was a lot and maybe overwhelming but I hope it was insightful. if you have any questions or worries feel free to comment or pm.

Last weekend, I went on a trip for my sister's birthday where we (me, my boyfriend, my sister's boyfriend, and another couple) spent 2 days doing what she wanted and I also gave her a bunch of gifts. My mom did not go on that trip so she wanted to do something for my sister's birthday this weekend. Btw maybe worth noting that for my birthday all we did was go to a restaurant and I didn't complain about not having more. But seeing that she got a lot more care put into hers kind of hurt my feelings I think.
Today I thought we all agreed on meeting for dinner at 6pm, but when my boyfriend and I got there they were already done eating and about to leave. This actually already had me pretty upset, I think because of the abrupt change in plans and feeling not cared about. My boyfriend and I quickly ate dinner then they wanted to go to my mom's house for my sister to open presents. I asked my sister's boyfriend if it would just be presents or if there were games too. He said just presents, so I said we would skip it and see them tomorrow for our dnd session. He said "yikes okay". I was confused because to me it was no big deal for me to miss it since my sister already opened her presents from me. My boyfriend and I also wanted to stop by a memorial event for someone in town who was killed recently which we ended up doing instead.
Then my mom texted me....a picture of my sister with an engagement ring and a dog bandana that said "my humans are getting married"??? Apparently they got engaged last weekend at the end of our trip and didn't want to tell anyone until tonight as a surprise. I was really upset when I saw this and started crying. I was hurt that my sister and her fiancé decided to not give us any hint to make sure I would be there for this huge moment in their lives. This is something that ideally only will happen once and I missed it. Why couldn't they have told us how important it was to be there?
It made me feel not valued like they didn't care that I wasn't there, they just told the others who showed up instead — my mom, grandpa and their friend. I know it's selfish to feel that way and I wanna just be happy for them but my first reaction was definitely super offended. I can't imagine planning to announce my engagement with my sister there and just going on without her. My mom told me after that they actually had wanted us to be there but I guess never said anything to us about it and continued with the plan anyway. To me, obviously there's a big difference between me missing her open a few gifts vs her literally getting engaged.

I'm sure lots of us feel this way, but I'm having such a hard time accepting my body as it is now. I had always been thinnish and took great care of my skin. Seeing the stretch marks on my lower belly is so upsetting... I've moisturized everyday and it's done nothing. I'm super pale so they are very obvious. I want to be a mom so bad, I thought it was worth the price of my beauty. Now I'm not so sure. It's too late to go back now though, and I still have 10ish weeks to go. I'm only going to get more big and more gross and it just makes me cry. My husband has been super supportive about everything, but I almost feel like he's lying to me to make me feel better.
I don't even want to be in pictures at family events, I HATE how I look. And I know I will never be as beautiful as I was before the baby.
It's also super frustrating that my sister in law has had 2 babies and has 0 stretch marks and has a 6 pack. She doesn't even look like she's had kids. I can't stop comparing myself to her. It's so unhealthy I know. But I can't help but be jealous rn.
I want to hide and run away from it all but I can't. I pray this gets better when the baby is here because I just can't stand feeling like this.
On top of all this, getting gestational diabetes has destroyed me emotionally. I can't even eat what I want anymore. God damn it I wish I could have some weed or the dr could give me something for anxiety. I feel like pregnancy is just 10 months of suffering at this point.

This post will repeat weekly through the month of December. Please repost or cross post as a way to promote this subreddit. Or ignore this one and check out our others! I apologize if it's cramping your style, but when I work hard on certain posts I want to be sure they are useful! I also am working on making these shorter so they don't get lost in the madness....
Scroll down for the Character Questions and create a thoughtful and empathetic profile of your main characters for your projects!
As always please use these as sparks to create and feel free to post your responses and ideas in comments or separate post! This is YOUR subreddit so go ahead and post away!
Prompt: Imagine a dystopian world where an oppressive government has successfully erased all forms of personal identity and history. In this society, individuals are assigned generic roles and are forbidden from expressing their unique thoughts, emotions, or experiences. Write a short story or reflective essay exploring the life of a character who discovers a hidden underground community that encourages self-expression and reignites the importance of personal narratives.
In your response, consider the following:

1. Character and World Building:
   • Describe the protagonist's background, their assigned role, and their initial perception of the oppressive world they inhabit.
   • Develop the hidden underground community, including its purpose, structure, and the means through which it safeguards personal stories.
   • Create a contrast between the protagonist's initial world and the underground community, highlighting the impact of personal narratives on shaping identity and resisting oppression.
2. Plot Analysis:
   • Outline the protagonist's journey of discovery, including their initial skepticism, the influential encounters they have within the underground community, and the personal sacrifices they make to preserve their identity.
   • Explore the challenges and conflicts faced by the protagonist, both externally (e.g., encounters with government authorities) and internally (e.g., the struggle to confront their identity).
3. Deep Introspection:
   • Prompt the protagonist to reflect deeply on the uncomfortable subjects that the government's erasure of personal narratives seeks to suppress. These could include topics such as individuality, memory, trauma, and the power of storytelling as a tool for empathy and resistance.
   • Encourage the protagonist to evolve their thoughts and perceptions throughout the narrative, considering the consequences of silence and the potential for personal growth through self-expression and sharing.
4. Requirements for Responses:
   • Conduct research to explore real-world examples of societies that suppress personal narratives or attempt to erase collective memory.
5. Prompt: In a post-apocalyptic world, a devastating pandemic has wiped out most of humanity. The survivors are forced to live in isolated communities, each with its own set of strict rules and customs. Write a short story or reflective essay exploring the life of a character who questions the existing order and embarks on a journey to unite these fragmented communities. Consider the role of unity, diversity, and collaboration in rebuilding a shattered world.
6. Prompt: Set in a future where advanced AI technology has permeated every aspect of society, write a story or reflective essay following a protagonist who begins to question the boundaries between human and machine. Delve into the ethical implications of human-AI relationships, the erosion of human emotions, and the potential consequences of blurring the line between artificial and genuine experiences.
7. Prompt: Imagine a world where climate change and environmental degradation have irreversibly altered the planet. Write a story or reflective essay from the perspective of a character who is part of a group striving to restore balance and heal the damaged Earth. Explore the connections between personal responsibility, collective action, and the intersections of social and environmental justice.
8. Prompt: Transport yourself to a society where strict social hierarchies are based on a person's genetic makeup. Write a short story or reflective essay following a character who challenges this system and advocates for equality and inclusivity. Examine the role of genetic determinism, discrimination, and the power of individual agency in reshaping social structures.
9. Prompt: Imagine a world where art and creativity are considered illegal, seen as tools of subversion and chaos. Write a story or reflective essay from the perspective of an artist who risks everything to defy this oppressive regime and reclaim the power of artistic expression. Analyze the significance of art as a form of resistance, its ability to inspire change, and its impact on personal and societal transformation.

Remember to consider the following for each of the prompts to insure a well rounded and thought out premise that will engage the audience and allow room for growth in the plot.
Prompt 1 - Post-Apocalyptic Community Building:

• Consider the unique customs, rules, and societal structures of each isolated community.
• Explore the protagonist's motivation for questioning the existing order and their vision for uniting the communities.
• Analyze the challenges and conflicts faced in the journey of uniting fragmented communities and the potential benefits and drawbacks of unity.

Prompt 2 - Ethical Implications of AI Technology:

• Reflect on the protagonist's personal experiences and interactions with AI, including the blurring of boundaries between human and machine.
• Explore the ethical dilemmas and consequences of advancing AI technology.
• Analyze the impact of human emotions, genuine experiences, and the potential loss or transformation of human qualities in a society heavily influenced by AI.

Prompt 3 - Environmental Restoration and Social Justice:

• Consider the protagonist's role in the restoration of the damaged Earth and their motivations for taking action.
• Explore the intersections of social justice and the environment, including the disproportionate impacts of climate change on marginalized communities.
• Analyze the challenges of collective action, personal responsibility, and the potential for transformative change in healing the planet and addressing social inequalities.

Prompt 4 - Genetic Hierarchy and Social Change:

• Reflect on the protagonist's experience within the rigid social hierarchy based on genetics.
• Analyze the implications of genetic determinism and discrimination in shaping social structures.
• Explore the role of individual agency, activism, and the potential strategies for challenging and reshaping the genetic-based hierarchy.

Prompt 5 - Artistic Expression as Resistance:

• Consider the protagonist's personal experiences as an artist within an oppressive regime.
• Reflect on the significance of artistic expression as a form of resistance and its power to inspire change and challenge societal norms.
• Analyze the risks, sacrifices, and potential outcomes associated with defying an oppressive regime through art.

1. Chick Lit: Write a chick lit novel or short story following a relatable protagonist navigating the challenges of love, career, and self-discovery. Explore themes of friendship, personal growth, and finding balance in a fast-paced, modern world.
2. Young Readers' Adventure: Imagine a group of young friends who stumble upon a hidden portal to another realm. Write an adventure novel or short story as they embark on a quest to save a magical world from darkness. Delve into themes of friendship, bravery, and the power of imagination.
3. Historical Fiction: Set in a time of significant historical events, write a novel or short story highlighting a lesser-known figure or group of people. Research the historical context meticulously and emphasize the character's resilience, struggles, and contributions during that tumultuous period.
4. Fantasy: Create a fantastical world filled with mythical creatures, magic, and ancient prophecies. Write a novel or short story following a young protagonist who discovers their extraordinary abilities and must navigate a treacherous journey to fulfill their destiny. Explore themes of self-discovery, heroism, and the blurred lines between good and evil.
5. Mystery/Thriller: Write a gripping mystery or thriller novel following a seasoned detective or amateur sleuth investigating a perplexing crime. Develop complex characters, suspenseful plot twists, and an intricate web of clues and red herrings that keep readers guessing until the very end.
6. Science Fiction: Set in a future where technological advancements have transformed society, write a novel or short story exploring the ethical and societal implications of groundbreaking inventions. Examine themes such as artificial intelligence, genetic engineering, or virtual reality and their impact on humanity's future.
7. Romance: Craft a heartwarming romance novel or short story centered around two individuals from different backgrounds or opposing sides. Explore themes of love, forgiveness, and the triumph of the human spirit in the face of adversity.
8. Coming-of-Age: Write a coming-of-age novel or short story following a young protagonist's journey of self-discovery, identity formation, and navigating the complexities of adolescence. Explore themes of friendship, personal growth, and the challenges of transitioning into adulthood.
9. Psychological Thriller: Create a psychological thriller novel or short story that delves into the intricacies of the human mind. Focus on a protagonist who becomes entangled in a web of deception, manipulation, and paranoia. Explore themes of trust, perception, and the blurred lines between reality and illusion.
10. Family Drama: Write a novel or short story exploring the dynamics and complexities within a multi-generational family. Include themes of love, secrets, and conflicts that arise as family members navigate their relationships, face past traumas, and strive for reconciliation.

Considerations for each prompt:

• Genre-specific elements: Ensure your story incorporates the defining characteristics and tropes of the chosen genre, such as the tone, pacing, and narrative conventions.
• Character development: Develop dynamic and relatable characters who undergo significant growth or transformation throughout the story.
• Plot structure: Create a compelling plot that introduces conflict, builds tension, and resolves in a satisfying manner, adhering to the common structure of the chosen genre.
• Themes and messages: Select themes that resonate with the genre and explore them through the characters' experiences and narrative development.
• Reader engagement: Craft a story that captivates the intended audience, keeping them invested in the characters and eager to uncover what happens next.

1. Historical Romance: Write a one-page historical romance set in a lavish ballroom during the Victorian era. Focus on the forbidden love between a spirited debutante and a mysterious gentleman from a different social class.
2. Science Fiction Comedy: Craft a one-page comedic story set in a futuristic space station. Follow the misadventures of a clumsy maintenance technician who unwittingly saves the day against all odds.
3. Paranormal Mystery: Pen a one-page mystery story set in a haunted mansion. Introduce a skeptical paranormal investigator who must solve the mystery of a ghostly apparition that has been terrorizing the inhabitants.
4. Literary Fiction: Write a one-page literary fiction piece centered around a character's contemplation of the fleeting nature of life and the importance of cherishing the present moment.
5. Action Adventure: Craft a one-page action-packed adventure story set in the jungles of an unexplored island. Follow a daring archaeologist's quest for a hidden treasure while battling against treacherous obstacles and rival adventurers.
6. Psychological Drama: Create a one-page psychological drama following the internal struggles of a troubled artist as they grapple with their inner demons and seek redemption.
7. Magical Realism: Write a one-page magical realism story set in a sleepy coastal town. Explore the extraordinary occurrences that happen when an enigmatic mermaid washes ashore and disrupts the mundane lives of the townsfolk.
8. Thriller: Craft a one-page thriller story involving a race against time. Follow a determined protagonist as they try to decipher cryptic clues and prevent a citywide disaster.
9. Fantasy Adventure: Pen a one-page fantasy adventure story set in a whimsical realm. Follow a young hero's quest to retrieve a stolen artifact and restore balance to the land, encountering fantastical creatures and overcoming obstacles along the way.
10. Historical Fiction Mystery: Write a one-page historical fiction mystery set during the Roaring Twenties. Follow a quick-witted detective as they unravel a web of deceit and intrigue surrounding a glamorous underground speakeasy in the heart of the city.

Considerations for each prompt:

• Engaging Beginning: Choose a compelling starting point that grabs the reader's attention and hooks them into the story from the very first sentence.
• Concise Plot: Craft a tightly woven plot that can be fully developed within one page, with an introduction, rising action, climax, and resolution.
• Strong Characterization: Develop distinct and memorable characters, even within the limited space, by providing key details that bring them to life and make them relatable to the reader.
• Descriptive Language: Use vivid and sensory language to paint a clear picture of the setting, engage the reader's imagination, and create an immersive reading experience.
• Resolution or Twist: Provide a satisfying resolution to the story or introduce an unexpected twist that leaves the reader intrigued and wanting more.

Protagonist Character Profile:

1. Name:
2. Age:
3. Gender:
4. Physical appearance:
5. Background:
6. Personality traits (list at least five):
7. Core values and beliefs:
8. Motivations and goals:
9. Biggest fear:
10. Internal conflicts:
11. External conflicts:
12. Strengths:
13. Weaknesses:
14. Childhood experiences and their impact:
15. Education and professional background:
16. Relationship status and dynamics:
17. Quirks or peculiar habits:
18. Psychological disorders, if any:
19. Familial relationships and dynamics:
20. Support system (friends, mentors, etc.):
21. Traumatic experiences and their effects:
22. Coping mechanisms:
23. Emotional vulnerabilities:
24. Resilience and determination:
25. Personal growth throughout the story:

Protagonist Character Questions:

1. What drives the protagonist to take action and pursue their goals?
2. How does the protagonist's childhood shape their behaviors and choices?
3. What values does the protagonist hold dear, and how do they influence their decision-making process?
4. What inner conflicts does the protagonist face, and how do they attempt to reconcile them?
5. How does the protagonist's education and professional background contribute to their strengths and weaknesses?
6. What traumatic experiences has the protagonist overcome, and how have these experiences shaped their worldview?
7. How does the protagonist cope with stress or adversity?
8. What relationships and dynamics are most significant to the protagonist, and how do these relationships evolve throughout the story?
9. In what ways does the protagonist exhibit resilience and determination in the face of challenges?
10. How does the protagonist approach personal growth and self-improvement?
11. What psychological disorders, if any, does the protagonist struggle with, and how do these disorders impact their thoughts and actions?
12. How does the protagonist's physical appearance contribute to their self-perception and interactions with others?
13. What unique quirks or habits does the protagonist possess that make them stand out?
14. What are the protagonist's primary desires and aspirations?
15. How does the protagonist's internalized fear drive or hinder their actions?
16. How does the protagonist navigate and resolve external conflicts?
17. What coping mechanisms does the protagonist rely on during times of stress or emotional turmoil?
18. How do familial relationships and dynamics influence the protagonist's actions and decisions?
19. What significant life choices or dilemmas does the protagonist face throughout the story, and how do they respond?
20. In what ways does the protagonist's support system impact their growth and resilience?
21. How does the protagonist's personal development and self-discovery contribute to the overall narrative arc?
22. How does the protagonist's background and experiences shape their perception of the world?
23. What are the protagonist's core beliefs and values, and how do these impact their interactions with others?
24. How does the protagonist handle setbacks or failures, and what lessons do they learn from these experiences?
25. What external influences or societal pressures affect the protagonist's decision-making process?

Antagonist Character Profile:

1. Name:
2. Age:
3. Gender:
4. Physical appearance:
5. Background:
6. Personality traits (list at least five):
7. Core values and beliefs:
8. Motivations and goals:
9. Biggest fear:
10. Internal conflicts:
11. External conflicts:
12. Strengths:
13. Weaknesses:
14. Childhood experiences and their impact $ Go on

1. Education and professional background: 16. Relationship status and dynamics: 17. Quirks or peculiar habits: 18. Psychological disorders, if any: 19. Familial relationships and dynamics: 20. Support system (friends, mentors, etc.): 21. Traumatic experiences and their effects: 22. Coping mechanisms: 23. Emotional vulnerabilities: 24. Strategies for achieving their goals: 25. Methods they employ to antagonize the protagonist:

Antagonist Character Questions:

1. What drives the antagonist to oppose the protagonist and act as an obstacle in their journey?
2. How does the antagonist's background and upbringing contribute to their negative behaviors and motivations?
3. What core values and beliefs does the antagonist hold that align with their antagonistic actions?
4. What personal goals or desires does the antagonist seek to fulfill?
5. What is the biggest fear or insecurity that drives the antagonist's actions?
6. How does the antagonist's internal conflicts manifest and impact their decisions?
7. What external conflicts arise as a result of the antagonist's actions, and how do they handle these conflicts?
8. In what ways does the antagonist exhibit strength and power, and how do these traits affect their interactions with others?
9. What are the antagonist's weaknesses or vulnerabilities that can be exploited by the protagonist?
10. How have childhood experiences shaped the antagonist's worldview and motivations?
11. How does the antagonist's education and professional background contribute to their methods and strategies?
12. What familial relationships or dynamics influence the antagonist's actions and choices?
13. What unique quirks or habits does the antagonist possess that make them distinct or memorable?
14. Are there any psychological disorders or conditions that contribute to the antagonist's behavior?
15. How does the antagonist cope with stress or emotional turmoil?
16. What strategies or tactics does the antagonist employ to achieve their goals and antagonize the protagonist?
17. How do the antagonist's actions impact their relationships and interactions with other characters in the story?

18.How does the antagonist perceive and justify their actions, even if they are considered morally or ethically wrong?

1. What external influences or societal pressures contribute to the antagonist's motivations or actions?
   
2. How does the antagonist's physical appearance contribute to their demeanor and portrayal in the story?
   
3. What significant life choices or dilemmas has the antagonist faced, and how have these shaped their character?
   
4. What is the antagonist's reaction to setbacks or failures, and how do they adapt their strategies?
   
5. How does the antagonist's support system or lack thereof impact their actions and decisions?
   
6. What past traumatic experiences or events have influenced the antagonist's worldview and behaviors?
   
7. How does the antagonist's emotional state or emotional vulnerabilities influence their actions and interactions with others?
   

This is a weekly thread for those who haven't been diagnosed, but still have questions about the diagnostic process. Please read the posting guidelines and rules! Everyone is welcome to contribute, and this is a safe space.
QUESTIONS ARE LIMITED TO 400 WORDS
____________________________________________
Please read this before posting as it may answer some of your questions:
If you use the search bar at the top of Reddit and make sure it’s set to lupus, it will search just the subreddit for your keywords. That way you can get the full breadth of questions and answers. This isn’t to say that you can’t ask questions in the general forum.

ANA tests

Positive ANA does not equal lupus! While more of a rule out screening (negative ANA = very unlikely to have SLE). Upwards of 15-20% of healthy individuals in the population at large will have a positive ANA. Only about 10-15% of people who have a positive ANA will later be diagnosed with SLE.

Tests used in diagnosing lupus

• anti-dsDNA - anti-Double Strand DNA is sometimes automatically tested for, but may need to be ordered separately. This test, when highly positive (2-3 times max cut off at least) is almost exclusively seen in SLE. However, only about 30% of SLE patients have this antibody. It's great if it's there to confirm diagnosis, it does not rule out diagnosis if it is absent.
• ENA Panel - Extractable Nuclear Antigen panel, usually automatically done if ANA comes back positive
• anti-Sm - Anti-Smith. Typically included in the ENA panel. This is another antibody, that when highly positive, almost always means SLE, but only about 25% of SLE patients have this antibody.
• RNP - Anti-Ribonucleoprotein. Typically included in the ENA panel
• anti-chromatin - Anti-chromatin is a relative newcomer in diagnostic testing for SLE and probably will NOT be ordered automatically. Its exact utility in diagnosis is still being determined.
• Apl panel - Antiphospholipid Antibody Panel, which consists of 3 tests:
  • LA - lupus anticoagulant
  • aCL - anti-cardiolipin antibodies
  • Anti-β2GP - anti-beta 2-glycoprotien antibodies
• CBC - Complete Blood Count, some abnormalities in WBC, RBC and PLT counts can be significant.
• CMP - Comprehensive Metabolic Panel, here the doctors are generally looking for kidney dysfunction (GFR, BUN/CR).
• ESR - Erythrocyte Sedimentation Rate, this is a nonspecific inflammation marker.
• CRP- C-Reactive Protein, another nonspecific inflammation marker.
• C3 - Compliment C3
• C4 - Compliment C4
• CH50 - Compliments, Total, these are part of the compliment system, which is a tertiary part of the immune system.

Also, if you suspect you have a rash, getting a biopsy of it done at a dermatologist’s office can be helpful as the pathologist can identify histological evidence of lupus.

Diagnostic Process

ACR Diagnostic Criteria on lupus wiki
The rheumatologist/PCP will take a detailed history. I highly recommend writing down as many of your symptoms as possible, especially focusing on the symptoms you have that are in the American College of Rheumatology diagnostic criteria for lupus - see link above.
Include all your symptoms, but I would make those at the top of the list. Write down how long they’ve been going on, anything that makes them better or worse, and how much they impact your life. Do they prevent you from dressing yourself, eating/cooking, bathing yourself, doing hobbies, meeting your obligations?
ANA varies from person to person and doesn’t necessarily correlate with disease activity. Anti-dsDNA is more indicative of disease activity and can be elevated prior to and during a flare. Symptoms can also come and go, and over time you may develop additional symptoms. If you scroll through the last week of posts or so, there are a few posts that will have pretty detailed answers to your questions from multiple community members so you can get a better sense of just how full on fickle lupus can be.
Here are some good posts, one is other people experiences in general, the others are rashes (warning: some are particularly severe):
User community diagnosis experiences
This is a malar rash
Photosensitive Lupus Rash
SLE Malar rash
QUESTIONS ARE LIMITED TO 400 WORDS

• Shorter questions get more feedback
• Use ChatGPT to summarize your question if you don't know what to leave out

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/Complex-Wing7114
I have 2 weeks to get away from my husband
Originally posted to offmychest
Thanks to u/soayherder for suggesting this BoRU
Previous BoRU
TRIGGER WARNING: controlling behavior, threats, abusive behavior, stalking, assault, physical violence, gaslighting
Original Post Apr 27, 2024
Throwaway account as my husband and In-laws are follow my main. I, 29 F, have been married to my husband, 30 m, who I'll call Alex. Alex and I met in college during our freshman year. We started off as just friends, and got married seven months ago. I've gotten along with his family, but we aren't super close but we're friendly enough. The problem is that Alex has begun to make me incredibly uncomfortable.
Firstly, he's begun to ask me who I'm meeting with, where, what we plan on doing, how long every single time I leave the house without him. At first, I just thought he was being protective and a good partner just in case something happened, but then he started checking my phone after the visits, vetting and researching each of my friends as well.
He also has been pursuing me to link my bank account to his, as he's "in charge" of the finances when he was perfectly fine with keeping them separate before. We fight about it almost every day.
Finally, yesterday when he was preparing to go on a work trip for two weeks in California, he demanded I wear a tracker so he could keep and eye on me while he's gone. I can't do this anymore, I feel like I'm suffocating and his family who I've spoken to about his worrying behavior just said he's being careful and protective as a good husband should. I need to gather my things together and find a way to be gone before he gets home without tipping him off.
He's always threatened that if he ever found me cheating on him he'd turn in divorce papers the same day. He keeps a filled out copy in his desk. I'm going to submit those the day I leave. But there's so much to do, bergen finding a new place to live, seeing if my job has any transfers available, packing and moving in two weeks. His return flight May 11th, so I need to move quickly. I'm posting here because I don't have any close family, and I can't risk dragging my friends into this as we share the same friends.I just needed a place to vent, and ask if anyone has any advice on the easiest and safest way to do this?
Edit: oh my god you guys are amazing! I never even thought to not use his divorce papers. I'll check for cameras before I start any packing or prepping. I may also shred his divorce papers just in case and look into getting a lawyer for myself. I'm in a no fault divorce state, that much I so remember which will help. I'll update again when I know more. The tracker he wants me to use is a small clip to put on the belt or waistband. I'll wear it unless I'm going or doing something related to me leaving. No pets yet thankfully.
Update Apr 28, 2024
So I've gotten a lot of support and helpful advice along with questions I thought I should clarify before I proceed with the update. Some asked why I'd be 'hiding' things from Alex regarding going out and who I'm meeting with. I don't, and I have nothing to hide. However when he begins to then double check everything I tell him with the other people there right down to each person I talked to and what I said. Did I send any text msgs, did I order food, how much did I eat, that's when it started to feel like I was slowly being pushed into a corner. It didn't start that bad, but gradually grew worse overtime.
All of the Reddit subs my in-law's families are part of are related gardening and diy so I highly doubt they'll see this, if so by the time they do, I'll hopefully be gone. I talked to my job and explained things to my manager. And they promised to look into openings in other states to see if they could get me into one. They'll have an update on that in three days. I trust that my bank account us secured, considering he's tried to get into it before and failed. I found one camera in the kitchen, another in the living room and one in our bedroom. As such, I've left them in place for now and done all other planning, either in the bathroom pretending I'm taking a bath.
I'm honestly staying away from the domestic violence services as my sister-in-law is unfortunately higher up in those considering she volunteers there and I have a feeling if I did show up there, they would know in a heartbeat. I can't look for apartments until I get the update from my work, but either or i'm still gonna be leaving the state. The day before I do I will be changing my number carrier and wiping my laptop and all of his electronics before I do.
I've met with 2 lawyers so far and had them look over the paperwork. My husband had prepared and both said that it did it have some clauses in it. That could have caused me some trouble down the line. What alarmed all of us close the fact that several of those clauses dealt with future children, and not as a hypothetical. Like several hair suggested I have a feeling he fully intended on getting me pregnant to keep me trapped and tied to him.
There are 3 other locations. My job could send me to and I have. As a precaution Begun looking into all 3 cities and housing in the areas. Just in case one of those, this is the one they send me to. Even if they don't have an opening that they can push me into then I will just have to quit, move and figure things out on my own. I have enough money to live and survive for a few months until I can pick up another job.
Unfortunately all of our friends are mutuals and would likely be unaware of the consequences of saying or sharing anything I do or say with my husband. I don't have any surviving close family and obviously my in laws are not a good resource to rely on. I am on my own unfortunately, other than the wonderful bonds, i've begun to make here. I will update again if I get more information or something else happens. Otherwise all update when my work gets back to me. I do plan on leaving before he returns, though. Just to make sure that i'm not anywhere near here at that time.
Update 2 Apr 30, 2024
Good news! My work has an opening I qualify for that will not only shift me across the country, but also comes with a salary increase as well. I've started telling my in laws and friends that I'm planning a surprise outing for when my husband gets back for just the two of us. This way, people don't give me odd looks if they see me out and about. I've even gone as far as asking MIL to show me his favorite recipes.
Meanwhile, I've found a moving company that while small is willing to work in a storm. The reason is in five days, we're supposed to get hit with a large storm front. I plan to shut off the breaker and say we lost power if he asks just as several people here suggested and even send him a short clip of the storm.
I will have all of my stuff moved that afternoon, and I will be flying out once the weather has cleared enough to do so. I have a lawyer who will push my divorce through, and I've filled out the necessary paperwork so that I don't have to be here for it. I'm not suing for assets or alimony and I've shredded his divorce papers as well. I've set up a cheap payphone plan through cricket until this is all said and done at which point I will find a new carrier, number and phone. This one is being wiped and left behind.
My laptop is provided by my work, and the IT department inspected it thoroughly and it was clean thankfully. No other electronic aside from my laptop and new phone will be coming with me. If alex needs to talk to me, he can do it through my lawyer. Not sure if anything else will happen, my fingers are crossed that he doesn't think anythings amiss until after I leave - and I'm not turning the breaker back on when I do. He can when he gets home. My work is covering the plane ticket, so that at least is one expense I don't have to finagle in.
Update 3 May 7, 2024
Update 3: I have 2 weeks to get away from my husband.
It's been a busy week, but I've gotten so much done. Firstly, I am now out of the house and am currently in a hotel while I look for an apartment. It's a big city, bustling with people no matter where you look. We had a pretty bad storm system hit back home, that actually lasted two days. High winds, thunder, lightning and even hail everywhere. I didn't take much from the house, my documents, clothes and important sentimental items. I left all of the furniture and electronics behind. I cleaned the house top to bottom and took pictures on my phone so he couldn't claim I damaged anything when I left.
My lawyer has already started divorce proceedings, and my husband will be served on the 8th. His plane is due to land early morning, and the sheriff will be there at the house waiting for him. He is very much about public appearances and reputation. My lawyer will be calling him as well to inform him that I am more than willing to air out everything to the public about his actions if it means securing my freedom from him. I will go to court as long as I must to get this pushed through.
I haven't told our friends or his in-laws yet, I will do that while he is on the flight to prevent him from getting wind of it before he's handed the divorce papers. I will be calling around and explaining why we're getting divorced, to try and prevent him from twisting this into somehow being my fault. I don't want him trying to claim I had an affair or something so I want to get the truth out before he can twist this.
I'm... doing okay. I'm tired, but yet I feel almost jittery and off-kilter. I keep looking over my shoulder and monitoring what I say even when I don't really need to anymore. Hopefully that will fade soon. My work is covering the cost of the hotel, and I'm working on getting my other things in order. I also need to find a new GP as I want to get a full test just to make sure everything is okay. I don't know when my next update will be, probably when the divorce papers are filed or if we have to go to court to push them through. I will try to keep my head up, but it feels like I'm in a whirlwind or something with so many things to do and think about. I kinda thought it would be easier once I got out of the house but while the fear is smaller, somehow the number of tasks only seems to have grown.
Update 4 May 14, 2024
Sorry I haven't updated for a while, things got hectic and a bit chaotic honestly. Firstly, I'm working on getting an apartment still and have applications in at three different places and will hopefully hear back from them soon. I'm still going into work here at the new location, so I don't have to worry about burning through my emergency savings completely. I've gotten a lot of emails from Alex, his family and our old friend group asking question after question. I have only sent one return email to Alex, explaining that I don't believe we are truly compatible, and it is best we separate now. That his treatment of me when I'd done nothing to deserve as such was just as much of a deal breaker as cheating was for him.
I ended the email with the statement that I would not be contacting him further and anything else he needed to pass on to me or vice versa would be done through my lawyer. For his family and friends, I just typed up one email outlining everything that had happened and why I left. I told them I wished them no ill will, but that such treatment of his wife and partner was not acceptable. That should Alex get remarried in the future, I wished they would help support both partners and not just Alex.
Alex, from what my lawyer told me, was livid when he was served. The sheriff actually ended up booking him for assault on an officer and menacing due to the threats he was shouting. His father bailed him out in a few hours, but with the testimony of the sheriff, my lawyer believes I have a very good chance at getting a restraining order. Alex, upon returning to the house, apparently lost his temper again, breaking the dining table into pieces as well as the tv, and putting several holes in the walls. At least that's what one of the emails from one of our friends reported as Alex called him to help him clean up the mess.
My lawyer already has pictures of the house I took, with timestamps as evidence nothing had been damaged by me. My friend reported that Alex tried to claim I'd been the one to trash the house but the holes in the wall were at head height - Alex is 6'3", and I'm 5'4" so he knew that was false. Either way, taking the pictures definitely will help me so again thank you everyone here for the advice because I never would have thought of that on my own. My work won't share details of where I am, as I do work with some higher end clientele who value security and that information won't be gossiped about and no, I'm not some stripper or escort. I deal with contracts, notary and business management. As such, even if Alex tried to use my work to find me, he wouldn't succeed.

NEW UPDATE

Update on leaving May 26, 2024
It’s been a little bit, and I thought I’d answer some questions before giving my update. It may be a while after this until things change.
Firstly, No I didn’t bring my car. The public transport here is good enough to use without needing one. I have secured an apartment, and the building has good security. You need a key card to enter, and there is a security guard at a desk right by the entrance to the building. As part of my contract, I gave them a photo of Alex and his family so that even in the off chance they do find me, they won’t be let in.
The responses I got from the emails varied. His family said I was overreacting, and that I owe Alex an apology for the problems this has caused him. The pending criminal charges puts him at risk of losing his job if he’s convicted. Alex sent a long email, apologizing and pleading for me to come home. He said he was worried for me, that he is willing to go to therapy if it will appease me. He wants us to remain together, and he didn’t think leaving was an appropriate response to his genuine concern and worry for my health and safety. The friends gave somewhat lacking replies, saying that they didn’t think Alex was ever going to hurt me and that I shouldn’t be letting my imagination run away wild. As much as I want to say I was surprised by the lack of support, I’m honestly not.
He intends to fight the divorce. I am letting my lawyer handle it, and I am also pursuing a protective order as well. Once I got approved for my apartment, I also froze my credit. I’ve changed my phone carrier and number, as well as making sure none of my documents list Alex as next of kin or POA.
Some have asked why I was so paranoid about Alex and his possible future actions. The answer for that actually is somewhat simple – my grandmother. I loved that woman to bits. As a teen, she explained why my grandfather was never around. He was extremely abusive and manipulative, and her generation didn’t allow divorce really. She wouldn’t have been able to buy a house or get a good enough job to support her and my mother on her own. As such, she endured it, shielded my mom as she could until my grandfather died. When I felt like I may have been overreacting, I remembered how she’d said she’d always wished she’d been able to see grandfather for what he was early on when she may have been able to annul the marriage.
I don’t know when I’ll update again, maybe when the divorce goes through or if something big happens but until then, I’m just trying to keep my head above the water.
THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP
DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7

At the suggestion of many, I emailed the detective and provided the additional details about the neighbors, the people working in the fence, the moved camera, and the wiped outside of the window and anything else I could remember that might help. I also brought up my concerns about the kids being targeted because it is the main bathroom that we all share.
He followed up with me really quickly, thanked me for the info and said it’s really common to be overwhelmed at first and not provide many details. (Not sure if this was only said to make me feel better…) He also let me know that he was working on a search warrant for the SIM card to the camera. He said it could take a couple of days to get it, but I would be notified immediately if there are any pictures of me or the kids, of if there’s any other information he has to give me. He also gave me a few safety tips (similar to those that this subreddit has given) but said to avoid putting anything on the HOA page for now.
Incidentally, shortly after hearing back from the detective, my next door neighbor and the other (overly helpful) neighbor came through the side gate while the kids were splashing around in their blow up pool. I about jumped out of my skin when the gate latch opened. There was no heads up or anything before just coming in. Next door neighbor said “oh shit, sorry didn’t mean to scare you. We knocked on your door and then assumed you guys were back here.” They had an air compressor and a nail gun in tow and said “we just needed to fix a few loose boards from when we fixed the fence… should only take a few seconds.” There really were a couple of boards that weren’t fully attached, and since my next door neighbor had funded the entire shared fence repair, I let them fix it and they left. They were there for all of 5 minutes, tops, and didn’t do a single thing except for fix the fence boards, but still, the timing felt really weird… Could it have been legit? Possibly. Could it have been an excuse to just be in my backyard? Also possibly.
Before I get crucified for poor decisions - the gate now has a padlock.
I looked up the sex offender registry and didn’t find any nearby. My town has an ordinance that prohibits them from residing within a half mile radius of a school or park… (and we have a ton of parks) which essentially leaves a very small pocket several miles away that someone with that kind of record could live.
I did also look up arrest records for my neighbors which was mostly uneventful. One neighbor has a super minor arrest from like 15 years ago. But guess which neighbor has several arrests… to include a handful of DV charges. …If you guessed overly helpful neighbor guy, you’d be right. I didn’t see any convictions, but I’m newer to this state and also don’t know where to look to find them. But the county has arrest records readily available.
Thank you to everyone who talked some sense into me about not worrying about “being a bother” to the police and “not being nice.” My certified people-pleasing ways don’t fit a situation as serious as this.
I’m going to keep a pulse on the detective to make sure that they’re still actively working on the case, and be extra vigilant about our surroundings. My new cameras will be installed in the morning, and I’ve already added a few things to the house to help us feel more safe.
Unless something really crazy happens (which I’m seriously hoping it doesn’t), this will probably be my last update until we find out who did it.

I 30F am reaching out for advice regarding a situation with a friend/co-worker 29M. Has anyone dealt with similar situations and how have you handled them?
(He is married and I'm in a happy long term relationship. I also never felt like he was romantically interested in me.)
I’ve been facing some medical challenges recently, which have been very difficult and stressful. On top of that, a friend that I met at work a few years ago has been crossing boundaries in ways that make me feel very uncomfortable. He has been stalking me online, even finding my main Reddit account, which apparently he watches nearly daily for posts or comments. (I thought I was pretty safe with my socials, but he has found accounts from when I was 13-14 as well). He has drove past my house, taking pictures of me without my knowledge, and writing down any information he can find about me. He has an album of pictures and a notepad file saved in his phone (including info on my friends/family, my blood type, the car I drive, license plate #, etc.) These things have been going on for a while and I’ve tried to end our friendship multiple times but with my medical stressors, I just feel like I can’t take it anymore. Recently, he even made a mistake at work, which he never does, and I suspect it was a way to ensure I would contact him about it since I audit.
If he finds out I hung out with another friend, he gets jealous and acts like he wants to be the only person I see. This behavior has made me feel claustrophobic and trapped. I also feel guilty no longer wanting to be friends with him because of how supportive he is. I tried talking to him about some of these things and he will either start doing them again or will unconvincingly say “I’ll try not to.” And no, I do not wish to ruin his life by talking to management or HR. I just want my life back.
TLDR: Dealing with a friend/co-worker who is stalking me online, driving past my house, taking secret pictures, and gathering personal info. This behavior, along with a possibly manipulative mistake at work, is causing me a lot of stress. I need advice on how to firmly but respectfully end the friendship and set boundaries for my safety and well-being.

Meet Nanay Fely Discaya, who has been selling books at this public market for three decades. She is one of the three booksellers on the second floor of the Naga City People's Mall. Nanay Fely told RA vs the World that some days she earns as little as P100, and other days nothing at all. Yet, there are times when customers travel from other provinces just to visit her store. When I showed her the pictures I took of her, she said, "Your phone makes it look like I have a big store." In reality, it's a small store. Unlike the other two booksellers who rent two stalls each, Nanay Fely rents just one stall for P500 a month.
📍 Naga City People's Mall, Naga City, Camarines Sur

Please be kind as this whole situation has me kinda anxious. I feel like there's no right answer on what to do.
Minor TW for mention of SA but its not significant to the whole post.
TLDR- My ex from almost 10 years ago has been secretly stalking my Instagram account for just under 2 years. The situation gives me the ick but I also don't care enough to take the time to block him. Especially as I feel his behavior doesn't deserve my attention or acknowledgement and could just lead to bigger problems i dont need. How ever, the girls girl in me feels bad for his wife because I know she would not be happy to find this out. I wouldn't be happy if my fiance did this. Am I the asshole for not making a bigger deal out of this. For not confronting/blocking him or telling his wife.
Here's more details. The long version with the back story.
My (28F now 17/18F at time of relationship) ex fiance (21/22M At time of relationship) has been stalking me on Instagram. Our relationship started when I was a junior in High School at a local Votech. He was my shop teachers son who was paying for and taking classes as an adult for another shop along side the high school students. A special opportunity that he was presented because of his parents employment at the school. That's how we met and started dating in like April of 2013.
He was extremely toxic in our relationship (I'm not saying I'm perfect). He would constantly try to make me jealous. First by saying a girl in the shop class he was taking was constantly flirting with him. Later by telling me while working at his job (gas station convince store) women gave him their number. Even one time trying to tell me some woman messaged him asking to sleep with him. I told him it sounded like an ad from a porn site and he got extremely offended and tried to convince me it wasn't an ad but that a real woman was trying to get him to come sleep with her. Basically the whole "other women want me. You should feel lucky I only want you" behavior BS. He also refused to let me have friends. He would start fights with me almost every time I was with a friend. I'm bisexual so he assumed I would cheat on him with my girl friends. None of my friends liked him because of this.
But I was naive and thought I was in love. He proposed to me on Valentines Day 2014. I turned 18 and graduated a few months later before going to college in August 2 hours away. Things got worse between him fighting with me all the time about him being paranoid I'd cheat on him. Then him taking 2 months before visiting me only to say he was coming up for the weekend then actually only come up to visit for 2.5 hours, fuck me, eat a donut, and then decide to leave and go home. Long story short we broke up at the end of October after some toxic shit.
I quickly moved on because of some homophobic shit he said to a friend of mine causing me to lose any love or respect I had for him. His SIL messaged me after we broke up to tell me how horrible I was for breaking his heart. He had told his family we broke up because I had "cheated on him with a female and decided I'm a lesbian." I promptly told her he lied and told her what really happened including screenshots. I thought that was the end of everything. Deleted everyones number and moved on. November came and went and in December I met a different guy we can call Matt and we started dating.
After 6 months of dating Matt, my exs SIL messaged me cussing me out, insulting and threatening me. Telling me he found someone much prettier and better than me (her cousin who we had actually met at her wedding to his brother). She claimed my ex said I had been texting him gloating about my new relationship and sending him photos of Matt and I. I explained I hadn't texted my ex since the day we broke up in October and lost his number with in the same week. It was not me trying to text him. But I was genuinely concerned and wanted to know who did since I didn't want or need unnecessary drama. I offered to help find out who was doing this (though my suspicion told me it was him using a text app on his iPod Touch to text himself and the photo that was sent was one of my public FB Profile pictures since as I said above he tried similar to make me jealous before when I was his GF so it would not shock me if he did it to the new girl too). Unsurprisingly when I asked for the number that texted him this stuff he conveniently deleted it and didn't know the number. But I was told if they texted again the SIL would tell me the number. They never texted again. That was in 2015. I hadn't thought about them since.
Until this past December 2023.
I was on Instagram looking through stories. Instagram showed me a "People you may know" story with a few accounts it thought I may want to follow. The first one showed my Exs account, his picture of him and his wife (the SILs Cousin). This weirded me out because we've been broken up for 9 years at this point. We don't have mutual friends or social circles. He shouldn't be in my "people you may know". But then I saw it specifically said "Follow BACK" indicating he was following me. Which is why it showed me his account. I was so confused because I would have noticed if my ex had shown up in my notifications.
I went to his profile and I actually did recognize the username. And was able to check when he had followed me. He followed me in August of 2022. But he didn't have a PFP or any post then. I didn't realize it was my ex because even though the username included his first name it had been so long that I didn't even think it was him. The only reason why I remembered the account even following me is because it includes his middle name (that I forgot was his middle name at this time) and that middle name is the same first name as the man who assaulted me in 2017. So I was afraid the account was my rapists Instagram but realized I was being paranoid and that he was still in jail at that time so it couldn't have been him. A lot of random accounts follow me on Instagram because my account is public.
Anyway, he followed me in August of 2022 and never had a PFP or any post until November of 2023 which is why I had no idea he was following me and why he showed up in December as someone I may know (because he was active on Instagram then and recently made his first post). I know he sees my post because he only follows 9 accounts, me, a few shops, and model accounts.
What had me the most weirded out by this is that in the 9 years we were broken up I never saw him or ran into him. But in the time between August 22 and November 23, he showed up at the mall at the same time as me. More than likely a coincidence. But it was still weird. I considered blocking him but both my fiance and best friend told me not to worry about it unless he does keep showing up places. Because otherwise I'm just giving him a response to his behavior and he isn't worth that.
Some may say not blocking him means I'm trying to rub my relationship and family (I have a toddler and another baby on the way and I'm getting married this year too) in his face. But I'm not forcing him to look. I'm not posting anything with him in mind. And it's not my responsibility to help him move on. If he wants to look through my photos, as long as it doesn't actually affect or hurt me, I honestly could care less.
So I let it go. And honestly forgot about it until this week. While driving to my OB appointment I got a notification that my Exs account liked one of my photos on Instagram. When I saw this later at my appointment I did take a screenshot and then clicked the notification to see what it was. This wasn't a recent photo. It was a photo from 2015. Instagram showed he had unliked it, indicating he didn't mean to and was probably hoping I wouldn't see that he did in the first place. But what was weird to me about this was that he had to scroll through over 1,000 photos on my Instagram to get to and accidentally like this one from 9 years ago. So like this wasn't a casual just keeping tabs on how my ex is doing these days. He was scrolling through over 1,000 photos I've posted.
I once again considered blocking him but my friend made a good point that he followed me undetected before for over a year. He could make a new account and follow me again undetected. At least right now I am able to document anything that happens incase things were to escalate. And that not warranting the behavior with acknowledgement or a response is best. As it's highly unlikely this will go beyond him looking at my Instagram. I didn't post i was going to the mall the two times he was also there. And I don't share my location on any other social media apps. So it truly was more than likely a weird coincidence. So I'm just documenting everything incase it does escalate OR incase he tries something again like mentioned above and I get threatening messages from his family.
This is the part that's eating me up. His wife knows who I am. As I said I met her when his brother and her cousin got married. We were both in her bridal party. She's had me blocked on Facebook since the situation were her cousin messaged me about someone texting him thinking it was me. She was also with him at the mall the second time he was coincidentally there and she definitely saw me which was in itself an embarrassing encounter (because I had just bought my fiance a father's day gift but they couldn't remove the security tag from it so as I exited the store the alarm sounds like I'm robbing the place armed and they were in the food court right by the entrance and all this attention was on me, I went back to the counter but they told me they couldnt remove the tag so I had to let the alarm go off as I leave and it will turn off after a moment). I heard her even say "isn't that [my name]?" Anyway, I know she probably would not be happy to know he's following me. I looked her up on Instagram, she doesn't post often but most recently posted on Valentines Day about their 5 year wedding anniversary. But I don't think she knows he has an Instagram. She only follows a few accounts, including her cousin mentioned above. But neither of them follow her husband, my ex. And he doesn't follow any of them either.
Idk, maybe it's just me. But I would be livid to find out my fiance/husband had an Instagram where he didn't follow me but did follow his ex. I honestly feel bad for her because I know it would hurt me. But I also don't know if she truly has no idea. I asked my friend if I should say something to her but my friend said I'd just be opening myself up to unnecessary drama and stirring a pot that doesn't need to be stirred. Unless things escalate. That it would be wrong to potentially cause issues in their relationships over what could be innocent curiosity.
Idk. Maybe I'm over thinking things as I am hormonal as I'm 7 months pregnant. But I feel bad not telling her. And I also don't want to block him because at least now I know and can be aware of what's happening. Since he doesn't know I know at this time. I guess it's important to mention I have diagnosed ptsd from multiple things including abusive partners and had an ex stalk me previously. So being able to document things makes me feel calm and more in control of the situation. As finding out he was following me unnoticed for over a year was extremely triggering and as I said before blocking him could result in him just making another fake account.

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