Chest pain when moving

I had my first psychosis at age 17. Since then I have been to the psych ward 10+ times and rehab 3 times. I’m 24 now. Every delusion I was able to conquer and rise up from, but for the past two years, there has been a dilemma that comes in painful waves, and that dilemma is mind reading. I have to stop myself from thinking about it when it first starts up in my brain or else it will get ugly real quick. To explain what happens when I am like this, my entire reality, my entire livelihood all my experiences all my memories, they become irrelevant and everything is at stake. It all vanishes and it’s like my body is hanging on a thread. The fear is immense and crippling. I mean to think you’re not safe in your own thoughts, it’s insanity. I am a guy and not afraid to say this has made me cry many many times. It just never seems to go away. I try and use logic as much as I can, like “How is poker a thing if we can read minds”, or, to try and justify, I’ll stare at some random stranger and in my head I’m screaming “Look at me! look at me!” But they never do…
I’m not boasting here but let me just say, I truly have an amazing life and nothing to complain about. I am confident I will find a girl as I like to think I am pretty confident and attractive, and I also graduated from CU Boulder University and have a near six figure income. I take life seriously, and my lows prevented me from sitting on my butt. There was just too much pain in the way, the pain of being a nothing in life, that drove me to be highly successful. I haven’t been to the psych ward in 2 years. With that being said, I don’t really get bad lows anymore. If it’s a low nowadays, it’s from this dilemma.
Moral of the story I reread many bipolar info pages and what really hit me was many of them explained how we, as bipolar patients, ignore all logic when it comes to delusions. And you know what? That really helped me. It really hit home. It happened again earlier today, the dilemma. I thought about getting a therapist today as I felt I had to tell someone, but I guess I’ll just type this here, and title it “Off My Chest”. Thanks for reading I was just tired of holding this in for so long. I felt like I needed to tell someone. Couldn’t tell my friends without tainting the relationship. Couldn’t tell my parents without them calling the psych ward police on me. Just very alone dealing with this alone. And for something so stupid like “mind reading”.

Hello everyone. I can't thank you enough for all the help I've received here on this subreddit. I've taken your valuable advice and fixed a number of things, but I'm sure I'm still missing some things. Any feedback would be greatly appreciated!
--
Query
Dear [Agent],
Mark, a journalist who reports from troubled regions to make the world a better place, goes to Heaven after an untimely death. With all the comforts God has to offer, Mark grows increasingly frustrated with the lack of challenges. So when he discovers that Heaven has a therapy for unhappy souls like himself, he gives it a try. And Mark is horrified to learn that the therapy is the live-streaming of Hell's tortures, also known as Hellflix.
Worse, if Mark doesn't complete the therapy and become happy, he will be condemned to Hell. He gives in and becomes a voyeur of others' misery, but then he realizes that new Hellflix episodes are reruns. With the revelation that communication with Hell has been cut off, Heaven wants to find out what's going on. And fast, as its citizens—including Mark—are driven mad with curiosity and concern.
Mark, with his journalistic experience in the harsh conditions, is sent to investigate Hell, where he discovers a shocking truth. There has been a revolution, and now free, many sinners are seeking repentance. While Heaven exploits Hell's political divisions to send the guilty back to suffer, the revolutionists urge Mark to expose Hellflix's dark secrets and unite Hell. He will be eternally damned with billions of others if they fail, but Mark is up for the risk if he can make the world better. He just doesn't know which way to go—bring happiness back to Heaven or save Hell from eternal torment, especially when he doubts that the wicked can truly be redeemed.
ASCENSION TO HELL is an adult contemporary fantasy at 114,000 words, a standalone book that has series potential. It will appeal to those who enjoyed mystery aspect of paranormal realms as in SIGN HERE by Claudia Lux, and modern-day take on the conflict between Heaven and Hell as in THE LIBRARY OF THE UNWRITTEN by A.J. Hackwith.
[BIO] I specifically wrote to you due to [insert reason here]. I am happy to make the full manuscript available upon request and eagerly await your response.
Warm regards,
[Insert name]

First 300
Long was the line. But I won’t add some typical adverbs here, like unbelievably and infinitely, to emphasize the point. Well, it might make our hardship sound like that of people waiting in line for a new iPhone, and I hate to give you that impression. In truth, the real pain of the line came more from not knowing where it would end than from its length. The Line of the Dead moved forward, twisting and turning like a giant snake. And I, one of the countless scales clinging to its sinister and hideous body, could only wait in vain, no matter how fast it moved or how far it went.
Why did I not think of breaking free and running away, then? Before I tell you this, I must tell you about the six of us who endured the long wait together.
First up goes Lewis.
I was behind the line before the hot Spanish sun, reflected off the chrome bumper of the truck that had hit me, faded from sight. We were standing in a wasteland where the vast, desolate plain offered nothing but peculiar rocks on the distant horizon. I looked behind me to find a multitude of people, their numbers growing, perhaps wearing the same bewildered faces as mine. I hadn’t taken a single step, yet these people had already placed me in line and made me an inseparable part of it.
Then I looked forward again and met the black eyes of a handsome young man who must have died right before me. The man, whose name I would later learn was Lewis, was confused, angry, frustrated, and most of all, in love. There was enough will in his blazing eyes to kill me again if I had thwarted a certain goal of his. Not finding what he was looking for behind him, the man ran straight ahead.

TW: sadness, grief, loneliness
Hello everyone,
I’m an older adult and I’m newly diagnosed. It is a complicated feeling because so much makes sense now and also I feel more alone than ever. I do intellectualize, so I apologize for all the rambling that follows.
I spent 20 years learning about society only to reach a burnout point now where I can’t even fake the behaviors anymore. I would not say I was ever skilled at being in community or socializing with others, but I did try hard. I thought one day I would be able to be better & find my fit. I don’t think that is going to happen anymore. All my job experience is in customer service/public-facing positions, and I can’t do them anymore. I can barely leave my house. I’ve no friends or family. I’m trying to apply for state assistance, or use non-profit organizations, but so much of that involves convincing people to do things, getting them to understand me and me figuring out what to do when the people aren’t doing the required things.
I was working with a disability employment support specialist, and after 2 months of trying to get help securing work they are refusing to continue because they “can’t meet my need”. I didn’t know they were going to refuse service, and I only found out when they reported it back to the program coordinator. No one is able to explain why they can’t meet my need. My guess is because they were telling me to do customer service, or call centers, and I kept explaining why that is not a sustainable option for me. I may be able to get moved to a new organization for this service, but since my job is separating me next week, and I’m already missing my rent, I don’t feel like I’m going to get more work before I end up homeless.
I am realizing that I spent so many years studying to try to understand people, communities and society that I have nothing else. I don’t have any hobbies I do for enjoyment. I don’t know what brings me joy. I don’t know how I feel comfortable. I don’t know what brings my fulfillment. I’m trying to cope with everything falling apart by finding something fun or interesting to occupy my mind and help regulate my nervous system. Instead I sit here feeling dead inside.
I’m sorry this is long and whiny. I believed I would figure it out if I worked hard enough; I don’t think I will anymore. I wasted my entire life and I’ve built no foundation of sustainability. I think some part of that feeling is grief that I was diagnosed so late, and the thought that maybe if I knew earlier I would have been able to accept myself and make different choices. Of course that is just hindsight nonsense because it isn’t like Autism is an accepted and celebrated disorder and I would probably have had other trauma that goes with treatment and dealing with pain points of when systems meet disability.
I just can’t see the light and I’m so disappointed in how disconnected from myself I am. I don’t see how I am going to recover when I lack the most basic of self-care skills. I grew up in a lot of neglect and abuse, so I can’t even fall back on childhood routines or likes. I don’t remember a time when I felt alive and connected, anymore.

I genuinely don't know what to do in this situation. I can't tell if I have issues or what, but I feel like a monster for how I am feeling right now. I'm on my last year of high school before I go to college, so, I think I need to unload some stuff here right now. This might be a long vent, but here it goes.
Way before my mom got cancer, me and her have a very complicated relationship, you know, the typical teenager and traditional, old school parents kinda thing. Understandably, I'm known to be a lazy, spoiled, arrogant, and selfish kid, who doesn't give a shit about anybody else except for himself. Since I was younger, that was how I was raised, I had everything already ready on my hands. Besides that, I have some attention/ focus issues, as I would daydream unusually way too much and I have low understanding skills, thus always getting left behind by my classmates. I have high self-awareness on my flaws, and that is part of the problem.
My mother has always been strict with me and my older brother, for a good reason. She grew up very.poor and had to work hard for decades to get to where we are. This took a massive toll on her health, as she now has an autoimmune condition and her body had been failing her. I always considered my brother to the favorite child, because he's the smartest, most diligent, and loyal kid in the family -- unlike me. My mom has always claimed that she loves us all equally, but she always compares me to my brother, and even my friends, who are always winning trophies and getting top grades in school. I never won a trophy or medal before, and never got the top grades.
School was always something I struggled with. I'm pretty sure I have ADHD but I haven't confirmed yet. I tried asking my mom if I could perhaps see a doctor or try to get her attention on my problems, but my mom is the type of parents that doesn't believe in mental health and just called me a "lazy, selfish, brat". She uses the claim that "You haven't suffered before, there are others having worst than you" and etc. She brushes away my problems, claiming them to be a negative flaw of mine. Not only that, she is also homophobic, much to the dismay of my closeted self. I know about my flaws and I've been trying to better myself, but because of the things that I did, my mother has zero trust in me and continued to treat me as if I was going to do something bad again.
Because of this, thoughts of suicide and even more violent thoughts arrived. There were many times where I had attempted to do it, but I was too much of a coward, another flaw that my mom pointed out. Quarantine took a massive impact on me and I have felt like absolute shit. My mind became so down in the deeps, that I even developed an unhealthy addiction to something that I am too ashamed to mention here, but just so you know, it is something that ruined my life, relationships and my sleep. Nobody knows that I have this addiction.
Then, at one point, I broke down and told my mom about my issues and how I attempted suicide. But all she did was brush it off and used those same words again, and then it became a joke. Since then, my emotions went from sad and utterly depressed, to just full on anger and hatred. Me and my mom would get into more frequent arguments and such, but it was nothing too big and wasn't that much. But that all changed a few months back.
A few months back, my mom was diagnosed with cancer. It broke her and the family apart. I hated seeing my mom in this condition, always in pain, crying and screaming because of the painful medicine and treatment, and just, she was in absolute pain. But she still continued work from the early morning until the late of evening, just to support us. I tried doing my best to help her, but she told to just "focus on my studies and graduate". I even offered to find a job or something besides school, but she told me that it was stupid and that a child shouldn't have to do this. My mom still cares about me, despite the fact that she was slowly dying.
However, perhaps because of the treatment and the fact that she doesn't have much time left. my mother became much more angrier. Everyday now, she would shout and berate people, from waiters in restaurants, the entire family (even my grandparents), my father, and me. My brother is living abroad in a different country, which means that he doesn't understand what's happening on home, which is why I couldn't talk much about my mom with him because he always assumes I'm overreacting.
Eventually, all that anger and frustration that my mom felt, all came down to me. She would take out it out me verbally and emotionally, by berating me, screaming at me in public, and calling me all sorts of terrible things. She wants to see me become perfect and succeed, thus why, I believe she was being super strict with me. I stopped fighting back with her and I just endured all the anger, as I knew that if I retorted, she would die quicker.
However, I guess the breaking point was an argument in the hospital. There was a miscommunication between me and her, which led to the worst berating of my life. She called me a "heartless brat" and "a piece of shit", and claimed that I don't love her and I only want her alive for the money. I couldn't take it anymore so I shouted back, and told her that I wish I was never born to be her child, and then I stormed out from the hospital, unable to keep myself calm any longer.
And now since then, our relationship has been growing more complicated. Some days, she would be fine and happy to be with me and the rest of the family. But on most days, she would just explode. The berating got worse with me, especially how she told me that she would rather die than see me become a failure. I have also grown more violent, as I would now punch or hit my head on the walls, and I wanted to kill myself not because of my depression, but because of pure anger and spite at everything. I started treating everybody like shit, always getting angry at them and secretly feeling hatred and envy towards my friends. I had thoughts of beating people up or hurting others physically, and some more violent thoughts, but I just couldn't find the right chance to do that. I even planned my suicide and secretly wrote a note, ready to use it when the time comes.
As I am typing this now, me and my mom had another big fight regarding a schoolwork of mine. In one of our classes, we were supposed to have some kind of project fair, basically presenting our essay. It was supposed to tomorrow, but the dumbass, boring teacher that everybody hates moved it to Tuesday -- the day that me, my family, and mom will be going out of the country to treat my mom at an advanced hospital. The teacher then claimed that for those who did not show up, they will get a zero. The teacher is known to hate teaching his students, doesn't bother to make the class engaging, and would give people low scores no matter what. Because of this, my mom had to admit about her cancer to the teacher and why I should present tomorrow, instead of Tuesday. My teacher luckily agreed and I would be presenting it tomorrow alone, which is fine. My mom emailed me the message about that news. However, I accidentally misread something in the message, which would become a terrible fault of mine. Today, when my mom was talking the project to me, there was a word that I didn't recognize and tried to ask what she meant. This exploded her and she screamed, berated me for the entire afternoon, because I had misread one word.
Now, I have locked myself up in my bedroom, typing this. I want to just jump out from my window and end it there. My mom always told me that the reason for her cancer, was because of me. So if I just end myself now, I don't think my mom will be in pain anymore. I know my mom doesn't mean what she said, but words hurt a lot more than anything. I want to get out of here, but at the same time, I want to stay. If I try to talk about this with my mom, she'll just berate me again and call me ungrateful again. I think I'm in my breaking point and I don't know what to do. I hate myself, and I want to end it. I can't take it anymore.
Am I being selfish? I'm sorry that this is a long vent, I just need to release some steam. I love my mom so much and she has made so many sacrifices, just to feed us and build a roof over our heads. I want to help her, but I am genuinely conflicted. Hopefully one day, I can resolve our relationship. I don't know what to do. I just want my mom to understand me.

I’m fishing for striper in saltwater and when I go I often use two rods, one for casting jigs and one for live bait. Live bait can be a real pain and I was wondering if it would be viable to use a dropshot with a soft plastic swim bait instead. I would be casting it out and leaving it be for the most part while I cast jigs. I figure the current might move it around a bit for me. Think I could catch anything like this?

I was recently diagnosed with IBS but I still have to get an endoscopy and colonoscopy to figure out if there's anything else happening. This is honestly the most frustrating thing because I have health anxiety and many of my gastro symptoms give me tremendous anxiety. Lately, I've been in a flare of something that has made eating very difficult. Every time I eat something I feel worn down and my muscles get really heavy. Sometimes my chest gets tight and it's a little hard to take a full breath. I get such crazy brain fog and fatigue that I have to sit down but sitting down for too long makes me dizzy if I move to get up. Sometimes I feel like I'm having an out of body experience and it's wild. I also get a lot of bloating and gas and I'm definitely constipated and having a hard time actually going lately, but I am still going so things are moving.
I tried looking up what causes fatigue and shakiness after eating and I keep seeing something akin to a blood sugar issues. My problem is that I have most of the symptoms described, but about 2 weeks ago I was in the ER and they ran blood tests and all that and they said I didn't have anything life threatening or even anything out of the ordinary. I was discharged with having a massive panic attack and that was basically it. So, I'm thinking that this is probably just really bad constipation and gas causing this symptoms and I've experienced them before, just not on this level. I'm hoping that's all it is, because I'm so out of it that I don't really know what to do when I start feeling this way.
As I type this I'm starting to sweat and I feel like I can't concentrate but I'm moving around and thinking. It's so weird and uncomfortable.
Any thoughts or advice or any similar experiences? I really gotta figure this out because I'm tired of running to the ER and them telling me that I'm fine. Thank you!

Age: 30
Sex: M
Height: 5'10
Weight: 157 lbs
Race: Asian
Drugs: Marijuana, Zyn Nicotine pouches (6 mg)
Medications: Pepcid when needed
Current conditions: Anxiety, Acid reflux, Chronic constipation, indigestion
Smoke: Yes (Marijuana - heavy with edibles usage as well)
Drink: very rarely (once in 6 months if so)
History: I always had stomach issues, got an endoscopy and colposcopy done 6 months ago, and got 5 precancerous polyps removed from my stomach and intestines. I have inflammation in my stomach (negative for Barret's Esophagus or any other condition. MRI with contrast came out normal for the abdomen and blood work was normal as well except fatty liver finding (doc told me not to worry)
My primary complaint :
I'm reaching out today because I'm at a breaking point and desperately need your guidance to turn my life around. For the past 3.5 years, I've been trapped in a destructive cycle of heavy marijuana use, spending most of my days lying down and barely moving. My focus is almost non-existent, even though I work from home. My days are consumed with anxiety, and my health is suffering.
Recently, I had precancerous polyps removed from my stomach and intestines through endoscopy and colonoscopy. This, coupled with ongoing digestion issues, has amplified my health anxiety. I'm constantly worried about my well-being, and I know I need to change before it's too late.
I want to reclaim my life and start a healthier, more fulfilling lifestyle. I'm 30 years old, and it's high time I take control of my health and happiness. Here's what I need help with:

1. Breaking the Marijuana Habit and not getting into something else (addictive personality): I need help to cut down and eventually quit smoking weed. What strategies, resources, or support groups have worked for others? I rely on weed to eat , when I am bored - I never like being sober, but now it's too much and I want to get out this !
2. Getting Active: I’m a complete beginner when it comes to exercise, and I've been incredibly sedentary. How can I start incorporating physical activity into my daily routine? Are there specific exercises or routines that are good for beginners? what should I do to detox my body and kick start everything? How do I feel good from constant pains in body and not being fit both physically and mentally ?
3. Diet and Nutrition: My diet is a mess, I eat at uneven times - sometimes I eat , sometimes don't eat all day and my digestion issues are worsening my anxiety. What dietary changes can I make to improve my digestion and overall health? Are there specific vitamins or supplements that could help? How should i start eating with proper schedule and retrain my body? Any detoxes required on the way?
4. Mental Health: My health anxiety is overwhelming, and I need to develop a more positive mindset. I watch porn a lot as well :( What techniques, therapies, or practices have helped others manage health anxiety and build mental resilience? Yoga, watching any therapy videos or music ?
5. Building a Support System: I feel isolated and need a community or support group to keep me motivated and accountable on this journey. Where can I find such support?

Lastly, I currently experiencing immense constipation (doc advised me to get another colposcopy again due to lack of bowel prep) and digestion issues. I use nictoine pousches to relive constipation and smoke marijuana for any stomach pains before eating. Should I start with getting all of the blood work - CBC, CMP, LIPID PANEL, Urine/micro, ESR, A1C test, TSH, etc with Abdomen MRI contrast and another endoscopy / colonoscopy ? and then get on a detox and slowly change lifestyle? How Do I proceed with simple steps .
I've always been someone who helps others, but now I find myself in a mess and desperately need help. Any advice, personal experiences, or resources you can share would mean the world to me. I know this is a significant change, but I'm determined to take my life back and start living better.
Thank you all in advance for all of your support and help I really appreciate it I am A 30-year-old desperately ready for change
Please tell me how do I get my life on track !!!! or

Despite an impressive showing by Diana Ross, in the end, Simon & Garfunkel won the 1970 is a very decisive victory.
***
BTW, for singles that are credited are Double A-Sides, I’ve decided to just put the most famous song of the pair on the poll.
***
1) “Joy to the World” (Three Dog Night) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EVcpKjXYa5c
This is the 2nd of 3 chart-toppers for American rock band Three Dog Night. It was written by Hoyt Axton. The song is a mix of rock and pop with a playful, feel-good vibe. Hoyt Axton wrote the song, originally intended as a part of a children's television program. The song's whimsical and nonsensical lyrics reflect this origin. "Joy to the World" is a cheerful and upbeat song that celebrates happiness and unity. The lyrics are light-hearted and fun, with the famous opening line, "Jeremiah was a bullfrog," setting a playful tone. The song features a lively arrangement with prominent electric guitar, keyboards, and brass. The production is energetic, capturing the band's dynamic performance. Chuck Negron, one of the band's three lead vocalists, sings the lead vocals on this track, delivering a spirited and enthusiastic performance.
Very enjoyable song. I like Three Dog Night quite a bit. A fun band, though basically a covers band.
2) “Maggie May” (Rod Stewart) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KlFPDi1B-jM
The first of three solo chart-toppers for Sir Rod Stewart, it was written by Stewart and Martin Quittenton. The song blends elements of folk rock and blues rock. The lyrics of "Maggie May" are semi-autobiographical, recounting a young man's relationship with an older woman. Stewart has said the song is based on his own experience of losing his virginity at a jazz festival. The song features a distinctive acoustic guitar riff, played by Martin Quittenton, along with mandolin played by Ray Jackson of Lindisfarne. The arrangement also includes electric guitar, bass, drums, and Stewart's raspy vocals. "Maggie May" is widely praised for its storytelling, Stewart's emotive vocal performance, and its memorable melody. “Maggie May” was credited as a double A-Side with “Reason to Believe”, both from the album Every Picture Tells a Story. The song has been included in numerous "best of" lists and is considered a classic rock staple.
A monster of a song. Just wow. One of my favourites from this era.
3) “It’s Too Late” (Carole King) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VkKxmnrRVHo
This is the sole chart-topper by singer-songwriter Carole King, but as a songwriter, King had written/co-written many Top 10 hits prior to this including several No. 1s. It was billed as a double A-side alongside “I Feel the Earth Move”. Both songs came from her second album Tapestry, which would go on to become one of the best-selling albums of the 1970s, and has been certified Diamond in the US. The music of “It’s Too Late” was composed by Carole King, but the lyrics were written by Toni Stern. Reportedly, the song might be about James Taylor who had dated Stern, and who would score a No. 1 hit of his own covering King’s song "You've Got a Friend”. “It’s Too Late” is a blend of soft rock, pop, and jazz influences. The lyrics deal with the end of a romantic relationship, capturing the bittersweet emotions of accepting that a relationship is over.
Nice song. It’s not my favourite off Tapestry, but it’s a solid song.
4) “One Bad Apple” (The Osmonds) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q-pUJAWzUk0
The sole-charter by American pop group The Osmonds, a group of brothers who were teen idols in the early 1970s (particularly younger brother Donny Osmond). It was written by George Jackson and is a blend of pop and R&B, with a sound reminiscent of Motown and especially The Jackson 5. In fact, this was to be recorded by The Jackson 5, but The Jackson 5 themselves weren’t impressed and so it wasn’t released. The Osmonds recorded "One Bad Apple" in 1970, with Merrill Osmond providing the lead vocals while Donny Osmond sings part of the main hook. The song is about romantic reassurance. The lyrics tell a story of a boy trying to convince a girl that although she has been hurt by a past relationship ("one bad apple"), she should not let that experience ruin her faith in love. The song features a lively arrangement with upbeat rhythms, harmonised vocals, and an energetic pop sound. The production includes prominent use of strings and brass, adding to its vibrant feel.
People hate this song, and I get it. It's such a Jackson 5 rip off, but I love it. So catchy. I like the Osmonds.
5) “How Can You Mend a Broken Heart” (The Bee Gees) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dzhmwJI8Bps
The first of nine US chart-toppers by The Bee Gees, this song was written by Barry Gibb and Robin Gibb. The song is a blend of soft rock and pop, with soulful influences. The song was written during a period when the Gibb brothers were reconciling after a brief breakup of the Bee Gees. The lyrics reflect themes of heartache and longing for resolution.
I dunno, I like The Bees Gees a lot, but I find this song painfully boring and unmemorable. They had another song from around this time called "Lonely Days" which went #2 Hot 100 and #1 Cash Box that I think is much much better.
6) "Indian Reservation (The Lament of the Cherokee Reservation Indian)" (Raiders) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dVxYL2sI1oM
The sole chart-topper by the rock group the Raiders, formerly known as Paul Revere and the Raiders. As Paul Revere and the Raiders, the group had enjoyed multiple Top 40 hits during the mid-to-late-60s, including several Top 10 hits. The song was written by John D. Loudermilk. The song was originally recorded by Marvin Rainwater in 1959 under the title "The Pale Faced Indian," but it did not achieve significant success. The Raiders version however was a No. 1 single. The song's lyrics recount the forced relocation of Native Americans, particularly focusing on the Cherokee's removal from their ancestral lands in the south-eastern United States, which is often referred to as the "Trail of Tears." It serves as a lament for the suffering and loss experienced by the Cherokee people.
I actually really like this song, but I have a feeling most people in this sub won’t.
***
Rounding out the Top 10 is “Go Away Little Girl” (Donny Osmond) (No. 7), “Take Me Home, Country Roads” (John Denver) (No. 8), "Just My Imagination (Running Away with Me)" (The Temptations) (No. 9) and “Knock Three Times” (Tony Orlando & Dawn) (No. 10).
An interesting and eclectic Top 10. Not the best (and not indicative of the behemoth that is 1971 in terms of music quality), but certainly not the worst of the 70s.
View Poll

Inebriated Conversations

After eight long and grueling hours, we began our rapid descent from the heavens. I never really got the: “did it hurt when you fell from heaven” pickup line until we hit the tarmac. The force of the impact nearly knocked my head into the seat in front of me, so fuck yeah, it hurt when I fell from heaven. I’d imagine even Lucifer himself had a softer landing than we did. He also didn’t have to endure the stomach churning and nauseating food that was served on the plane, but I digress, at least we had finally reached our destination. A land not so far away that only varied in appearance, but the truth was this mystical and magical land, deep down, was no different from the place I grew up or attend college. As I waited in purgatory, the security line, I began wondering if I was dreaming. Was I really in London or even a different country for that matter? The line, which seemed so much longer than the European and the U.K., line was filled with fellow Americans. Perhaps they are still acrimonious about us beating them in the Revolutionary War, so they decided that this was ample punishment for our victory. Whatever the case, we finally made it through security, then collected our bags. I saw my relatively new bag with the bowtie on the handle and was relieved that it had not been lost or left in the United States. We met our tour guide, Emma, who at first glance seemed to be very different. She had an unusual hair cut that was much shorter than ones most woman her age would have, but I soon learned that her appearance, much like London’s, would not be any indication of what lies beyond. When we finally escaped from limbo, the airport, we were put on a coach bus, and taken to our hotel. I was exhausted and in need of a shower, but all I could do was drop my luggage off, then swiftly return to the lobby. As we stood outside in the crisp, refreshing air, we were handed our subway passes, or as they say, “tube passes.” We followed our guide, Emma, on a short walk to the underground. When our group finally descended the stairs and made our way to the map, a map Virgil couldn’t even navigate, we began our journey that involved the same punishment as those afforded to people in the eighth level of hell. We walked endlessly, 10.6 miles, and viewed the most popular tourist attractions London had to offer. I was surrounded by beautiful statues, fantastic architecture, and attractive people whose dialect could captivate almost anyone. At first, like everyone else, I was completely and utterly captivated by it all, because it was a completely different world. Our group finished the day with a mile and a half walk to the Globe Theatre, where we saw Shakespeare’s play, Comedy of Errors. My fellow students and I stood, as our professors sat comfortably watching the play. During the production, all I could think about was my numb legs and my aching feet. I tried drowning the pain with a few glasses of overly priced and nasty wines, but my attempt was to no avail. For once in my life, I knew what it was like to experience actual physical agony, not just the tedious and never-ending emotional kind. It wasn’t the lake of fire or some frozen wasteland, but that shit was still excruciating. After the play, we struggled to find a new passageway to the hot and crowded underworld, the tube, but luckily, I had service on my phone, so we found it. We finally made it back to the hotel around eleven in the evening. After a long day of flying and an excess of walking, I had never been as excited as I was to climb into a bed that was, quite frankly, too small for my six-foot-five physique. To anyone reading this, don’t worry, I’m not planning on giving a day to day synopsis of what I saw while I was abroad, because the sights aren’t what truly matter. I mean, I could just rant about Buckingham Palace and its beauty, Windsor Castle and its enormous layout, the Tower of London and its history, the Natural History Museum and its priceless artifacts, Stratford upon Avon and Shakespeare’s life, Oxford and it’s impressive library, Cornwall and its tranquil beaches, the Minack Theatre and its sublimity, or the Ashmolean Museum and its Jeff Koons exhibition, but that shit has no genuine meaning to it. I’m not going to waste your time by writing about some tourist sites that you could see in almost any travel magazine about the U.K., so if that’s what you are looking for stop reading. I suggest you pick up a travel magazine and read it until you are content, but if you want to read something real, then I suggest you continue. The reality is, the things I’ll take from this trip are the inebriated conversations I had with others. I not only gave these people advice about their lives; I learned something new about my own. I, ***** *******, am the Barstool Prophet, who descended from the heavens prepared to spout wisdom and retardation. Before I divulge the serious and deep conversations I experienced abroad, I want to let you know that the other person and I were under the influence of alcohol. I know what you are thinking, but alcohol has been a part of human culture since 7,000 B.C.; to put that into perspective, man invented alcohol before the wheel. From what I've seen in my lifetime some people drink to forget, some drink to remember, some drink to punish themselves, and some drink to converse with others. I fall into the latter category, but while I was in the U.K., I encountered people whose purpose for drinking was similar to mine as well as people that would fall in the other categories. I never really got the saying, "It's better to be a glass half full person, than a glass half empty person." I get the whole positivity aspect of the saying; however, I'd trust a "glass half empty person" far more, because they'd just order another drink. I am in no way trying to promote alcoholism; in reality, I am just trying to explain how alcohol can fuel an in-depth conversation. The Latin proverb "In Vino Veritas" states that "In Wine there is Truth"; wiser words have never been spoken. Alcohol allows people to speak their hidden thoughts and desires, especially to a stranger like me. 

Emma

As I stated earlier, Emma was our tour guide, who sported a relatively short and somewhat masculine haircut. Luckily, I had consumed enough alcohol at the time of her arrival to ask her why she chose that specific style. After giving me a vague: “because I like it” response, she clutched her glass of wine and forced it down. We talked about her occupation and how lonely traveling could get, but she seemed like she was familiar with the feeling of loneliness. She asked me what I wanted to do when I grew up, and I said, “I want to be a lawyer.” Emma slammed her glass down and began to laugh hysterically; she said, “Seriously?” I found her response quite peculiar until she revealed that her ex-husband was a lawyer. He was devoted to his job and always worked long hours, which did not bother her, at first. I surmise that his lack of interest in her is what led to their separation. After a long moment of silence, I gulped my drink down and gained the courage to ask: “do you think the relationship you had with him prepared you for this job?” She paused and began to think intently. She took a sip of her wine, laughed, and said, “I guess so, that’s one positive thing I got out of the relationship.” The chat continued with talk of food, politics, weather, and other small-talk topics, but then we somehow made it back to her haircut. Emma told me that she was bi-sexual, which, despite the tell-tell signs in her appearance, isn’t something she shares with most people. I told her that homophobia and racism is a major part of the culture that I grew up in, which surprised her. She couldn’t comprehend how someone with that upbringing could be so openminded. I responded with one word and one word only, “Self-Awareness.” I came to the realization that in life people are consciously and unconsciously molded by those around them, but at the end of the day, it is their choice to decide who they are and what they believe. Emma’s marriage may not have been picture perfect, but she was still able to take something positive from it. As much as we don’t want to admit it, even the worst of our relationships impact us in a positive way. 

Phillip Goldsmith

Before I get into this incredibly intense and somewhat depressing story, I’d like to describe its setting. I was sitting on a red velvet couch, drinking Jack Daniels Honey in a tall glass with one ice cube. I know what you are thinking, but I was not in a strip club. Our hotel’s game room/ bar area looked like an American strip club, not that I’ve ever been in one. Like seriously, if a few poles and dancers were added, I’d feel like I was at the Red Carpet, which is a strip club near where I live, but again, I may or may not have been there. I had finished half my bottle when Phil walked in, and I could immediately tell that he was hurting on the inside. Excluding dumbass frat guys, not very many people drink vodka straight out of the bottle with the intention of finishing it. He sat next to us, so I reached my hand out and said, “Hey man, what’s your name?” He said, “Hello, I am Phillip Goldsmith.” I responded as anyone would and said, “That’s a badass name!” We talked about life, love, and women as most guys do. We were both close to finishing our bottles when I noticed a tattoo on his arm that said, “Harry.” Who was this Harry? He certainly didn’t strike me as a Royalist, so I knew he didn’t just get the prince’s name on his arm for shits and giggles. I gulped down a few more sips of my drink and slowly placed it back down. I looked him in the eyes and said, “who is Harry?” His response shook every bone in my body to their core. After holding his tears back and ingesting some more of his vodka, Phil looked at me and said that “Harry was his son.” Was? He continued speaking, and I learned that Harry died three days after he was born. That tragic loss would result in a few other loses in his life, his wife, and his faith. Phil told me that he used to go to his grave on his birthday and Christmas, but he couldn’t do it anymore. He didn’t see a point in it any longer. Surprisingly I felt the urge to tell him that “God loved him and that he would see his son again.” I am in no way a prolific believer; I’d probably put myself in the wayward son category. However, something came over me, and I felt like I needed to tell him that. We had both finished our drinks, and as we were saying our goodbyes, he thanked me. I don’t know why, but he did. My encounter with Phil taught me that when you meet someone, you don’t know what they are going through, but through love and compassion, you can have a positive impact on them. 

Lexie

Lexie is a beautiful and intelligent young lady from Kansas City, Missouri. We met and chatted throughout the week because she was a part of our EF group. One night, after Lexie and I had more than our share of wine, we began to talk about our plans for the future. Before I tell this story, you must know, I have the unfortunate handicap of flirtation when I drink, but she was able to move past my impulsive outburst. I think my accidental comments about her beautiful eyes, stunning smile, and cute laugh allowed her to open up to me. Despite what you are thinking, I like to flirt because I enjoy making women smile, I don’t always do it for self-serving reasons. Anyways, as I said, we started discussing our plans for the future, but one can’t divulge their future in an inebriated state without discussing their past. I gave my whole spiel about wanting to be a prosecutor who would later become a congressman, then a Supreme Court or D.C. Circuit Court justice. She said, “Wow! That’s quite the plan. I want to go into Law as well.” I hastily responded by saying, “That’s sexy. I could see it.” We both laughed, but then she said, “I don’t know though, Law School is hard.” She didn’t strike me as a person who couldn’t handle a challenge, so I asked, “Why do you think you wouldn’t excel? You present yourself as someone who does.” She tried not to blush, then sipped her extremely sweet white wine. I know it was sweet because I made the unfortunate decision of trying it; it was so sweet that even a rock would get a hangover from it. Anyways, she started talking about high school and how people thought she was unintelligent. I laughed and thought about how I experienced that very same thing. I said, “Fuck that, screw them. God, high school girls are mean. Do you actually believe that crap?” She giggled and said, “Of course not, but it’s still in the back of my head.” I grabbed another beer from Raj, the bartender at the hotel. Yes, we were on a first name basis; did you expect anything less from the barstool profit? I sat back down and leaned in, intent on getting this point across to Lexie. I sipped my beer, ever so casually, and said, “Listen, we all remember the immature negatives of our high school existence, but this is now. At some point, we have to grow up into the people we want to be, not who everyone tells us to be.” She then asked, “Why are you so wise?” (You are probably thinking “sure she did,” but I swear that is what she said; I’m not a narcissist using creative license to praise myself.) I accredited it to my amazing parents as well as the shitty ex-girlfriends, situations, and friends I had experienced. We continued talking about a lot of random things like abortion, racism in America, and other pseudo-political topics. It was 3 am. when we finally decided it was time to go to bed. I hugged her and told her to use those negative voices as motivation. Again, I was thanked for the conversation, which, at this point, seems to be a normal thing for strangers to do. My conversation with Lexie made me realize that, when we travel, the baggage we carry isn’t only the physical kind. That tedious and deep emotional baggage also comes along for the journey. Most people, who travel somewhere, will lose a physical part of their baggage, like a sock, shirt, or something of that nature. Lexie did something most could not and do not, she left a piece of her emotional baggage, the night I spoke to her in the bar. 

Szymon

Szymon was in the bar area when I got to the hotel. He had a very interesting accent, which was far different from the ones I had heard that week, so I asked, “Where are you from?” He said, in a relatively drunken manner, “I am from Poland. You’re from America, aren’t you.” I responded with a firm: “Yes.” The conversation proceeded with small talk, but as I had a few more beers, the topics shifted to more serious topics. I was recently in a Holocaust history class, so of course, the first serious thing I asked was if he had been to Warsaw to see the Concentration Camps. He paused in silence, so I said, “Talk about hell on Earth, the holocaust was some fucked up shit.” After saying that he seemed to gain the courage to tell me that he was Jewish. He told me about the things his parents endured as children and how his grandfather had died in a concentration camp. He told me how he had rejected his faith after hearing these horrible stories. He said to me, “What could faith do for someone. The Jews have been persecuted countless times for it.” I understood where he was coming from, but at the same time, I didn’t. He had real reasons for his existential doubt, and I truly could not say the same. I got a shot of vodka from Raj; threw it back, and said, “Our faith shapes our decisions in life, even if we tell ourselves it doesn’t.” He sat pondering my words, but he seemed bored of the discussions about faith. I quickly changed the subject and asked him, “Why are you in London?” I learned that he travels all over continental Europe cleaning asbestos out of old buildings. I responded as any young person would and said, “that’s cool. I’d love to travel all over Europe.” He said, “it might be for a young single guy, but I hardly see my kids. I honestly wouldn’t be surprised if my wife cheated on me.” I couldn’t believe he would say something that personal, but then again, that’s what alcohol does. I suggested that he quit the job and find one closer to home. He laughed and said, “Ugh… you sound like my wife right now.” I bought him another beer and said, “maybe you should listen to her.” He looked at me and said, “maybe you are right ha-ha.” My conversation with Szymon taught me that it doesn’t matter how much money you make or how many places you get to travel on the company’s dime. What matters in life is family and the ones you love. By the time we stopped talking, I could hardly understand him, but he shook my hand and said, “have fun in London.” I laughed and said, “I will, call your wife tonight and tell her you love her.” He smiled and nodded, assuring me he would. It was time to leave, so I packed my things and got ready to go to the airport. I finally boarded my fiery chariot that would bring me back to the heavens. I forced down a few shots of Jack Daniels, closed my eyes, and wondered if the Barstool Prophet would have a second coming. Would I ever return to this amazing city and spout words of wisdom and retardation? Would I ever drink two whole liters of cider and wake up with a black eye? Well, that one is a definite no, but so many questions are left unanswered. Did I actually impact those that I talked to? Did they even remember the conversation? As much as I want to believe I did, I’ll never know. We don’t know what this life holds or what our encounters with strangers will yield; all we can do is give it our best shot and live like we are dying… (Que inspiring music). 

Let me know if the foundation of this sardonic and surface level literature reference writing has potential… first ever post!

My husband and I tried to rescue a cane corso/Rottweiler mix from a shelter. We bring him home after an hour long hike to introduce him to our other two dogs, shih tzu and chihuahua. I bring my shi tzu out first. My dog was the sweetest dog ever mind you, he gets all excited as he approaches him and in that split second the dog has him locked in his mouth. I try to even pry his mouth open, he bites me and I still try to pry. He rips him more. I’ll stop the story from here but I’m sure you get the point. We also bring my dog to the emergency vet, he was also supposed to make it. He already had a small slipped disc which resulted in him being on rimadyl regularly. There’s too ways I’m hoping to go and wanted to know if I can pursue them, first being; the shelter told us he was good with other dogs including small dogs. We didn’t even get a meet and greet like most shelters expect and want to do, they didn’t offer so we assumed that wasn’t something they did offer. Second, the vet sent us home with my dog in a critical state which I believe resulted in his death, I called the vet shortly after he was sent home with us saying how he was restless due to all of the pain and they say “just give him another pill” when mind you they already also said at the vet we need to be careful with medication due to rimadyl (it’s basically advil for dogs) and it was clear something else was needed possibly a blood transfusion or something, I’m not a vet but he wasn’t even getting sleep not for a second. I just wish there is some sort of legal way I can go about this, I’m only sharing somewhat of the story. This isn’t even the end of it there’s a lot of factors that come into play but, is there anything I can do? I also have been on “a leave of absence” at work for about a month now. I was diagnosed with PTSD so I’ve been in therapy 2x a week and also occupational therapy also 2x a week because I can’t move my thumb and I work a physical job. The dog was also my certified ESA dog, my everything.

Hello everyone,
been suffering from Costo Since about 2010+- ,
i got swelling on the left rib,
however since 2019 i started suffering from left body problems, left hand pinky & ring finger get clawed up,
left leg gets heavey and gets dragged out, and sometimes the left side of my face gets somewhat numb, usually the lower lip area,
several doctors ive gone to said i got Spasticity in my left leg and hand, but the source is still unkown.
when i heard about the Backpod i orderd it right away, but when i laid on it the first time (on my bed with 3 pillows) it increased my leg, hand and face problems, i moved to start with a small tennis ball and it sorta worked, i strech and use the tennis ball 3 times a day, incl massages
and for the first time in a couple of years i can walk for 30+ mins, 3 times a day!
today is the first day i tried the Backpod again and i could stay on it for 9:30 mins with 1 pillow,
it did worsen my symptoms but it helped with my most glaring issue which is breathing.
so a couple of question for you guys,
1)Have any of you guys ever encountred such follow up problems with Costo / Tietze? (swallowing problems, GERD, leg pain and tightness & and the following i wrote in the post)
2)im working for about 2.5 monthes on dissolving the front swelling, i got some holes in it, some of it became jiggly and some of it is still hard as a rock, how long did it take you to dissolve this thing?
3)any good thing to rub on the front when its inflammed? i used Voltaren but it started to make my skin red & itchy and since then i tried Penetrex and some cooling gels and it didnt do nothing,
thank you for your help, and Steve if you are here i wanna give you a special thx, i used your guide for streching, back freeing and as of today finally the Backpod too! im using those methods every single day and it realy is life changing for me.

Basically, for months I’ve been having on and off him inflammation and pain around my bottom wisdom tooth as there’s a flap of gum that’s grown around it and a gaping hole around the wisdom tooth seen if I open my mouth really wide, then the area and in turn my mouth gets sore for a few days (I feel it when I try to chew or move my tongue around the area.) other than that the tooth has grown in straight and it’s fine, so I was wondering which procedure would be better? Which one has a faster recovery time? Hoping for it to be a few days since I’m going to Europe soon and wouldn’t want to have surgery to remove a tooth if I’ll be feeling horrible for weeks after.

After you left me without a word, my world collapsed by the time I blinked. I tried to fight it, to move on, to be happy without the presence of you. My chest is like a piece of paper being crumbled, every time a glimpse of you appear in my thoughts. But I did it. It was slow. I barely toughened myself up, overloading my head so that the thought of you get crushed down to nothing. After a while, I started to feel like I was doing ok. I was slowly healing. I realized how immature I am about being in a relationship. Making you the centre of my life was a mistake. I ended up pouring every bit of my attention and identity into a cup. When the cup toppled, there was nothing left. I was devastated, while you were doing fine. It’s not your fault. It’s just I was blinded by my overwhelmed emotion. I get emotional easily. I cry easily. I was wrong to shove all of it onto you like that. But then you came back. I was not supposed to feel the way I did. I was way happier that I supposed to be. I suddenly daydreaming expectations. It’s like all the time I spent to get over you was just me gaslighting myself. I wanted to say I still love you. I messed up. But I can’t let you go. There is something about you that keeps pulling me towards you. But I waited til the last day before I left our place. I said it. Your response was vague. As usual. But you didn’t stop me. So I won’t stop. There is still so much about you I still want to discover. You are so mysterious. You rarely talk about your past. You don’t do deep talks. I still not sure what you really like for a present. What activity you enjoy doing. I want to take off the shield you put up around yourself. I want to know you more. That’s why I still love you. So please love me again.

Dear A,
I honestly cannot explain where this came from, why it's there, or how it happened. I will be thankful because it's like there's no struggle energy between us. The energy signature is one of anticipation, growth, new life, strength, and the realistic expectation of success.
Now while I can't explain why I have this peace about you, I can quantify how it's paying off dividends to me right now.
You may have, beginning in 2021 when we separated, had relationships with other women. There might be an ex or two that you're getting over. That's okay! The lessons you've learned from being with them, and you applying the wisdom from those lessons, will eventually prepare you to be at your best when you're with me.
I'm learning to distinguish and hear your voice. I mean, I already know what it sounds like because I've heard it before. But the universe has me so in tune with you that I'm becoming better at being able to distinguish the way you speak and present yourself from the others I read. When the time comes for us to truly reconnect, you're not going to be a mysterious wall of text. I will hear your voice and you will be physically involved in my life.
I will know that it was/is our decision to take the necessary steps toward a future together. It will not be like the past, where it was the circumstances in our lives that brought us together and our brief bond was built on mutual pain we were experiencing at the time. Moving forward, what we decide between each other and for each other will be made from a place of health, abundance, agreement, forethought, and stability.
We no longer need to define things and figure out the past. I already know how you feel about me, and I trust the universe has told you how I feel about you. I already know your intentions and you're endgame, so you're not treating this casually or flippantly "seeing where it goes". I trust that you've had the time to figure how you could fit in my life and what you'd be able to provide if you were in mine. I'm thinking the exact same thing, so we're in agreement.
The confirmation of the expected manifestation is simply discussing the logistics of slowly integrating each other in our lives. This is when the real work of building a relationship actually happens, where you and I can daily work together to invest the required time, effort, compromise, emotional intelligence, interdependence, availability and focus to take that next step. All these past few years were just preparation for us to get there and we should be able to see further payoffs if we both have used our time apart productively.
~ K

Hi, I tried searching if anyone had similar problems, but couldn't find any.
I have a strange problem where my body learned how straight-leg invert from the ground before it learned how to invert with bent legs.
What happened was I was stuck on inverts for 2 years, and one day it just happened and it happened with microbent straight legs - so it feels like my body skipped bent leg inverts.
My issue now is that I'm struggling with aerial inverts, and I'm trying to regress and tell my body to keep bent legs while inverting in the air - but am struggling to keep the tuck position.
I think the advice I'm looking for is what potential muscles I may not be engaging to keep the "tuck" WHILEA inverting - my struggle is that either my legs straighten or my torso and my thighs separate - and it just feels impossible to keep both legs bent while keeping my knees to chest. I'm fairly sure it's not my hip flexors, as when I lift my knees to my chest and simply hang, my hang time is I think decent (~40 seconds on a good day)
I've also tried to simulate the movement by rolling back and forth against a mat, and it's the same - struggle either my bent legs separate from my torso, or my calves separate from my thighs and try to straighten.
Any advice for how to strengthen the "tuck" - especially on how to keep the tuck WHILE moving - would be greatly appreciated.

Everything is going wrong I can’t do nothing right I lost my apartment I almost lost my phone number Feel like I almost lose my job I can’t do anything right Fail at school Lost my last couple of jobs How am I not suicidal after everything I’m lucky for my family my friends and my love one , I would been homeless by now Is it worth it? Living I never felt this deep in depression. Is this how it is? Feel so low, so weak, so powerless I want to be normal, I want to be normal smart like everyone else How come I’m not suicidal after everything Maybe I’m reaching close to it. I’m not like everyone else I’m stupid I wish I wasn’t. I wish my fiancé leave me, for a better life Or at least leave her with my family so she’ll be in good hands I’m weak My emotions, I never felt this weak Is this what it feel like? Reaching my limits with human emotions? I’m breaking Maybe I am reaching close I don’t know It hard to talk to anyone Feel like nobody understands James your not stupid James life happens James if you work hard enough you’ll be okay James your just 22 James just live your life James James James James James I don’t wanna go to therapy, I have a habit of lying, making it seem it’s not bad. Don’t want them to think bad of me Saying everything okay, I got it Don’t worry I got it It’s my fault I got it It’ll be okay I’ll think of something I don’t know now It’s hard to smiles Even the usual fake smile I feel like it’ll just little bit more, I reach to a place I won’t get out mentally….. I’m so tired I want to sleep This pain in my chest and heart increases everyday I wish I didn’t exist, then maybe….i don’t know I feel bad for anyone that knows me They took great care of me I’m lost, everything is my fault I’m a stupid human I hate they say I’m not, I am, always think I know something when I don’t I don’t know anymore It’s as they say Can someone kill me? I don't have the courage to commit suicide, so I'm waiting for someone to kill me. I wonder if there is a god who does that... I just wish to be normal like everyone else

My ex and I saw each other for about two years, before he ended things in January saying that he didn’t have feelings for me anymore. I was blindsided, and I requested him to give it one more shot. At that moment, I was in the last leg of the examinations that I had been preparing for the last one year and having to cope with a sudden breakup was too much for me. We agreed and continued to see each other, and I ensured to give the relationship as much time as it needed.
Things got better in the last five months, or so I thought. We were communicating a lot better, he was opening up more than ever and even said he loved me a couple of times. A week ago, I was frustrated with the inconsistency in his communication (this has been a constant issue in our relationship) and he proceeded to tell me he didn’t want to do this anymore. I am disappointed that he did this yet again, not the breaking up part, but the part where he yet again led me on and did not communicate that the rekindling was not working. In my mind we were back on track, but clearly he did not feel the same. He would contact me according to his convenience and was rarely there when I wanted him to be.
I have gone no contact with him for the last 3 days, it hurts so bad. Please give me some tips to move on. Right now it feels like the world is ending for me and I am trying to get better, but there’s this immense weight on my shoulders.
I know I am more disappointed than heartbroken that I worked so hard in this relationship all alone and it just caused me more pain. I feel rejected. How does someone go from loving you to be being there with you for 7-8 months without feeling anything? How will I ever trust anyone again?
Please be kind. I am looking for some hope.

For the past two nights it’s been very weird for me.
Pretty much I’ve been dealing with some type of health anxiety. Usually the symptoms change throughout my days. One day I’ll have some slight pains in both of my arms, standing up and having fast heart beats, sometimes my heart would feel like it’s beating fast when it isn’t, some type of pressure on my chest, etc. But now it’s suddenly changed to me having this bad headache that’s now only affecting certain spots on my head and giving me some uncomfortable pressure on my chest.
But what’s weird is how I sleep. Usually it’s all good at night until I start to dream off and then I’m wide awake in the middle of the night and all hell broke loose. My heart rate is fast, I’m super fatigued, face feels numb. I’m just freaking out at this point. I’m trying my best to calm it down by being in the living room but I just need some reassurance and see if others are going to the same thing.
I don’t want to go to the ER, I’m currently seeing a cardiologist due to this but it seems like if I don’t calm myself down, I might pull the plug and go.

I’m a mid-50s woman with a bad back. Side/back sleeper 120-140 lbs. Before purchasing this mattress, I have an long history of hand-me-down old fashioned innerspring mattresses, followed by purchasing the cheapest firm innerspring mattress at a national chain in 2007. Said cheapy caused hip and back pain. Previous hotel and guest experience convinced me I hate memory foam and pillow tops due to feeling trapped.
Positives: I find this mattress really comfortable. It doesn’t cause hip or back pain for me. It has held its shape/not sagged. It did not have a noticeable smell/off gassing when new.
Negatives: Let’s face it, I’m a woman of a certain age and I have a night sweat problem. This mattress is too hot for me, though advertised as cooling. I spend way too much time airing, drying and deodorizing this bed. Yes, I tried water resistant covers/protectors of various types, misery ensued.
I’m moving on to a natural latex/wool/cotton mattress later this week, and giving up on the comfortable but hot and smelly Helix Midnight. I hung on for as long as I could.
Here’s hoping for a cooler yet comfortable night’s sleep. I still miss the old double sided non pillow top innerspring mattresses.

I’m sorry this is so long. I’d love to hear what you think.
We’ve been together for 3 years. Moved in together after 7 months during the pandemic. I’m the first girlfriend he’s lived with.
Shift in behaviour — I find he has changed a lot since we’ve become more close but I’ve stayed consistent. When we first met, he was a lot more positive and interested in me. He rarely asks me questions now and challenges many things I say. He is a lot more negative and judgemental of both me, my family and people we encounter. I didn’t think it was a terrible thing, more that he’s gotten comfortable with me. But I do feel a shift has taken place in the past 2 years. And sometimes the lack of positivity toward me feels disrespectful too. Lots of immature jokes, scoffing at things I say, speaking down to me or in a passive aggressive or condescending tone about the smallest things or even about things that clearly matter to me but not to him.
Emotions difficult — He has been transparent that he “struggles with empathy” since the early days. I remember noting that as a red flag but I thought maybe he was being flippant. He was not. I have tried many times to bring up our lack of emotional depth and he’s rarely responded well. It usually turns quickly into a defensive debate. Lots of “I treat you great.” “Sorry you think I’m such a bad boyfriend” types of statements that then take us away from the point. I am left apologizing for bringing it up. We never check in emotionally. He cannot name his own emotions aside from good or bad. He does not ask questions about my emotions. I am a very emotive person. I cry and I feel really deep (sometimes painful) empathy. I find he just stares or watches me when I’m upset or crying. He never asks questions, he rarely knows how to comfort me. His best way to support is to tell me it will pass. Which is helpful but not to the extent I was hoping.
Trauma doesn’t exist — Lastly, I have dealt with stuff in life that I know has had an impact on me. I am trying to figure it out and unpack it through reading, online research, and therapy. He has told me that he doesn’t believe childhood or young adult difficult experiences should have that much of an effect on you. I have told him about the situations and he barely asked about them, he barely showed interest, he’s never checked in on them or acknowledged situations that would clearly be triggering since. In fact, he’s even made a joke here or there that has been in relation to them. He had a pretty unstable childhood with a lot of parental neglect so it’s hard for me to see aspects of his life that could be improved by addressing them. And it’s invalidating to see his eyes glaze over when I reference mine.
I’m no peach — I have my issues. Like I said, I’m a very emotional person. I also struggle with anxiety at times. I’m currently going through a very depressive episode and have even shared with him that I have felt suicidal lately. He hasn’t tried to talk about it with me at all. He hasn’t tried to help. He offers bandaid unhealthy solutions like watching TV or eating out. It feels like he thinks it’s not real and is an inconvenience.
About a year ago we were watching Jerry Macguire and there’s this scene where he tells the woman that he thinks he’s only with her because of how much he likes her son. I remember my partner turning to me and saying he felt the same way regarding me but he’s staying because of how much he loves my dog. Since then, he’s apologized for the joke but man.. he sure does give our dog a lot of tenderness, compassion, and attention.

It’s been six months since my baby girl died. It still hurts like it happened yesterday. I think about her so much every day and still spend nights weeping, unable to stop even when it becomes physically painful. The rest of my family, while they of course still miss her, told me that they have moved on. I am the only one still grieving.
Time has not helped at all. It has even made things worse. It’s agonizing no longer having any recent memories with her. Right now, I’m slowly coming down from another grief induced panic attack. I want my dog back so much. Bereavement is ruining my life.

Ah where to start lmao. Like most people in this reddit I’ve struggled with the pain of having a tarsal coalition basically my entire life. I’ll start from the beginning and am only going to use my experiences and tell y’all my options so take everything I say with a grain of salt because again it is my OPINION.
So to trace back how I got my tarsal coalition if I were to guess I specifically remember twisting my ankle very very bad in PE in elementary school. I was always a very athletic kid and I remember just limping my way through school and playing kickball and everything else basically on one foot for few weeks and eventually the pain went down and I had no other indications of anything really bad. I played travel baseball, and basketball as well as various outside activities all the way up through middle school. I really noticed the pain occasionally on elementary school after running the bases really hard and fast and then noticing I would be in pain afterwards but that would be it, completely bearable and about a 3 on the pain scale so noticeable but bearable. I really started to get bad pain when i was in 7th to 9th grade. 7th grade I stopped playing baseball and switched to basketball full time. Basketball being a very lateral side to side sport, I am guessing that is why I started getting worse pain. I remember days after 2 hour practices or playing and coming home and having pain about a 6-7 on the pain scale. So in 9th grade after my parents took me to a doctor to see what was wrong because I had just twisted my ankle really bad and was having extreme pain while juggling being on my feet for my job I worked at, playing basketball, and playing football all in a week, I was diagnosed with a tarsal coalition. Keep in mind up until this point I was still able to play basketball at a high level and was not having the pain hinder my play too bad. athens only time the pain was unbearable was after being in my ankle a lot and I would come home in tears because I wouldn’t be able to even put wait on it or just sit with it still without it having pain. Yes it would have been nice for more mobility in my left ankle but I was managing fine enough and it was just an annoyance and lingering concern at this point after excercise. Anyways after being diagnostic with tarsal coalition we started looking at treatment options. The first one was I had a plastic insert made for my shoes that was molded to my foot to try to limit the side to side lateral mobility and keep those bones from rubbing against each other. This insert into my shoe I found very helpful and did alleviate the pain in everyday walking but did nothing for playing the high impact sports. I did not wear the plastic insert in my basketball shoes when I played because it caused pain when I played because of the lateral nature of the sport and I also did not wear it in my cleats when playing football. I also started going to PT to try and increase ROM about 2-3 times a week. This I will say did no help and if anything doing the PT excercise yes gave me more range of motion but just caused me to be in pain afterwards. In 10th grade I was getting recruited for basketball and quit football to pursue basketball full time along with working out in the weight room. The more basketball I played, the more pain I started to feel afterwards everyday. I was popping 4 ibuprofens before games to manage. At this time I started to also notice that after excercise the more sitting still and letting it rest, it would tighten up more so I would think of it as just getting through whatever I had to for the day and keep it moving and then managing the pain afterwards. There were some days where the pain was excruciating and then my coach suggested getting steroid shots. So my junior year, my best year in terms of pain, I got a shot. The shot getting it in was extremely painful but those next 3-4 weeks were the most normal I ever felt. I was able to play and not have pain afterwards as well as play on the court without pain at a very high level. Eventually the steroid did start to wear off and the pain slowly came back to where it was beforehand after about 3 months. Then my senior year of high school I started going to a different PT and their treatment was much different and this is where I learned the best way to manage the pain. Thought my senior season immediately after practices and before games I would go in for “treatment” which would be the compression boots, massaging on the leg and foot, and ice bath immersion. This really made me be able to play a lot better and while the pain was still there it was so low it was almost not noticeable. At the end of senior year I twisted that ankle so bad I had to wear a walking boot for 3 months. At this point I decided I wasn’t going to play in college so I got surgery my senior year summer going into college. I did not get a fusion because I still wanted the mobility to be able to play sports and do the physical activities I wanted to. So they removed the coalition and replaced it with tissue or muscle out of thigh. I was in a hard cast for like a month, I really can’t remember how long to be honest, and then was in a walking boot for a couple months while going to PT to strengthen and get ROM back. After about a year I started to play physical activities again and it was like I was restarting with a new coalition again. Pain after physical activities but now I learned how to make it very bearable to where I am today. Whenever I play a sport or know I am going to have pain as soon as I’m off my feet I immediately ice bath or full submerge my foot in ice water for anywhere from 5-20 minutes. Doing this has really helped a ton because my belief is it immediately reduces inflammation and then as soon as I take it out I massage it and work on range of motion. I found that the next day the pain was almost at 2 max. Even after doing lots of physical activity and doing it again the next day, as long as I ice it the pain isn’t bad. Of course I know the pain won’t ever go away but for me it’s mostly about making it bearable to do the things I love. Eventually I think I will get a fusion but I am currently a personal trainer and a basketball coach and I don’t really have bad days unless I don’t ice my foot after being on it. I will get a fusion later in life once I’m able to give up playing basketball and completing in sports as hard as i can because eventually I would like to walk and do normal things without worrying about pain the next couple days and going through a recovery if I do. But for now I’m managing and enjoying the things I love. Getting a fusion would only mean giving up doing something I love but one day I have accepted that I will have to. If you read that all feel free to message me or comment and I can answer any questions y’all have. I wish I had a community like this earlier because like you all know it is hard to deal with the pain after doing normal things most people can do and also having to explain to them what’s wrong with you and by you have pain.