Free money talk pass

Hey looking for friends to play games or maybe watch stuff with. I have a lot of free time so I'm usually available unless I'm like passed out.
stuff about me
I play the saxohpone, clarinet and ewi mediocrely.
Have a degree in something I know nothing about.
Games that I play
League, last epoch, tft, palworld, enshrouded, 7 days to die, terraria, mc, grounded, lethal company, fire emblem, pokemon, stardew, osrs, planet crafter, no rest for the wicked and maplestory
I only use discord so dm me yours cause reddit sucks.
Also please be like 20+

I'm sorry if this comes out scrambled as the feelings I have in this situation are so complex and my words are so much better spoken then written. Me and my boyfriend have been together since we were both 16 so about 2 and a half years. I myself am pretty mature for my age, but he's about average. He is great and his intention is so good, the problem just comes to his execution.
A lot of my issues come from the fact that I simply don't feel loved. I will tell him exactly what I want him to do, and I will feel like he's just brushing it off or he will do it for a week and then come up with excuses for why he can't. A big example of this is at the beginning of our relationship, for about 7 months he never bought me flowers despite me asking and then finally when I felt so drained after asking so much and always bringing it up, and I was considering leaving, he bought me some. I promised myself I wouldn't make a fool out of myself like that again and ask for attention, but it's honestly been downhill from there. After the flower incident, I could see that he was trying to 'love' me more the way I want to be loved- I told him my love languages were acts of service, quality time, and gift giving, but his progress was just really slow. Like when I asked him to do more, I thought he would do more right away, not a little more only a little bit of the time.
After the flower incident, there were much more. Literally for the following 6 months after that I felt like I was just constantly nagging telling him that he wasn't doing enough, not because I wanted to make him feel bad, but because that's how I felt. Countless times I've felt like I was settling, but he keeps promising that he'll try and get better. My biggest foe is the fact that I feel like his mom. I feel like I'm teaching him to love me- which I know is normal but with every piece of information I give him I feel like he never gets it. I give him ideas on what he can do for me, and it's like he doesn't spend any time even thinking about it. He's one of the types of people that doesn't think in their free time- his mind is just empty most of the time, and at this point I don't know if I can deal with it because he really just does not think things through all the way. I know it's a lack of maturity and it makes sense considering our ages, but am I expecting too much out of him? I know other guys our age who are willing to do more and put in more effort and thought into their relationships, so why is this such a big thing for him?
Another big thing is that to soothe my mind he lies a lot. Not about anything scandalous, but he'll lie about things like his grades being good when he knows that I want him to be focusing on school. Then a couple weeks later, when I've felt disconnected enough from that lie, he'll bring it up in a joking manner and try to make me laugh about it, knowing that it's been long enough so I'll be like 'whatever'.
The latest big thing I've been nagging about is him planning dates for me. He barely works so he doesn't have any money and complains about it, but I told him it's ok he can show his love through other ways, like planning dates, but even that is going wrong. I told him everything he was supposed to do basically step-by-step and he still doesn't get it. He won't let me know the times he wants to pick me up or anything, and just half asses ( I feel like it's half assed ) the plans and deals with most of it by the time we're already there. It's so tiring especially since I have to teach him all of it, I just feel like his mother.
I feel like it's gone on for too long and don't want to stay if the truth is that he will never really try for me. The issue is he's such a good person with such a good heart, it just feels like he doesn't use his brain when it comes to me. I really don't want to break up with him, but I don't know what else I can do to make him understand what I want. I try to communicate all the time, and have told him all of this several times, but it feels like he doesn't get it/if he does he doesn't execute it and it's just so draining. What do I do?

Ami know some won't care but last time I was on here I was asking advice for a girl who would hug my arm, and stare at me all the time after only seeing me 4 times in the span of 2 weeks, now the 3rd week is over time to ask for more help, this has gotten weirder and I'll talk about the recent events in order, Tuesday night I was playing Fortnite with my friends till one of them sent me their discord so I asked them questions and he said that she's been wanting to give it to me so the next day I did but before I get onto the text in Wednesday gaming club she came and hugged my arm again and stared while hugging my arm and walked with me till my friend ruined the moment and threw my plush at me and it hit both of us, she cried and hugged her best friend, after school I friended her on discord and she wasn't talking much till eventually she let me know that there were some friendship problems with her other best friend going on so I helped her till I passed out due to not eating at all and the entire time she kept saying sorry cause she didn't respond to my last message in an hour and I woke up 3 hours after her messages so I was asleep for 4 hours, next day in gaming club they decide to play smash bros and again hugging my arm and staring but this time the room was getting too loud and she gets scared so she unzips my jacket and hides inside, I move her out not knowing what was going on and she calmed herself but never explained till it got louder and hid but this time wrapped herself up in my jacket and hugged my side, later I learned of her mental illness over text so I told her If she needs comfort to tug my arm and I'll help, she also had a performance with choir after school so I went and when it was time to go we one armed hug idk what it's called and left, Friday we didnt talk, in school nor online cause she fell asleep at 3PM and woke up today at 12PM and at 3 I offered a numbers game, nothing bad and she said she wasn't in a good mood so I reminded her that I'm there if she needed me, any advice from the teens (or adults) of reddit?

If you could do one thing today, stop by the end overdose tent, do the short 2 minute training and grab a free narcan for your pack. You could be the reason for saving someone’s life.
Kind of shook last night seeing someone passed out / possible OD by the urinals near bionic jungle on Day 1. Some good samaritans around tried to help and also shouted / asked if anyone had Narcan on them.
Luckily, I always carry a narcan on me for every festival or music event. I carry it around for emergencies and always hope that I never have to use it or administer it on someone.
While the strangers were administering narcan, I ran to the closest info booth and informed an Insomniac team member. Ground control came with me and called for extra back up. They got the guy sitting upright and I saw some small movement from him.
Stay safe rave fam 🫶🏽

feeling like i cant risk the chance of possibly getting free cookies everyday but all the members have to wear triangle masks 24/7 so idk man tough choices...

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I'm finishing up my first year. I didn't try to be the friendly doormat type of teacher--it just sort of happened. And I really try to look at my students in the best possible light, I try to be stoic about things, and I tried really, really hard to make my classes almost impossible to fail (alas). I greet every student with good morning and good afternoon. I say the same things every day every five minutes. I nag and remind and wax poetic about how one must crawl before they walk and walk before they run. I remind people to keep their feet on the floor. I talk to students about their gambling (phone) addictions, using the DSM-5 criteria. I blocked Google on GoGuardian. I talk about how the human brain is a quintillion times faster than punching out-of-context questions into Google or ChatGPT or whatever. I ask people to put their phones away and somehow they text their friends the pencil and paper assignments anyway and I get duplicate answers from the quietly failing friends who have my classes at different times throughout the day. I get Snapchat AI a lot on anything that involves chromebooks, or anything that uses logical cognitive processes. I ran out of copy machine money. I made four versions of the upcoming final exam and printed them at the public library (I ran out of copy machine money).
So--what's worth fighting for? Cell phones? In-class discussion? Drafts and revision? Cold calling? Reading aloud?
For cellphones: My department is mostly brand new, with a couple of burnt out veterans. One idea everyone is floating is collecting cell phones at the beginning of every class. I'm not sure about it, but right now reified as a sliced-bread solution.
For in-class discussion: One idea that might actually be worth it for me is to make porpsicle storcks (tongue depressors) and enforce participation. I figured, because I was new, that people simply enjoyed silence (and darkness) in the classroom. I've discovered, though, that I had to do a zillion little things every day because I excised discussion from my slate of options.
Because High School is not college, I'm okay with making participation part of the grade next year. I little birdie told me that only work ought to be graded, but there's no other place on Earth where people can finish their work and then just sit there for 40 minutes waiting for a bell to ring. Colleges don't do it. Workplaces don't do it. So I figure the environment dictates the activity, and participation needs to be graded, otherwise people are going to pretend that using their phone under their desk with their heads on the desk makes them invisible.
For drafts and revision: Early in the year I asked students to write a paragraph and I remember clearly a student saying "I ain't writing a goddamn fucking paragraph." And they didn't. So I made my classroom anti-reading and pro-stupid-videos-all-the-time. And students complained about watching 5-10 minute chunks of not-so-High-Quality-Instructional-Materials. I walked the class through EdPuzzles and asked open-ended questions, and I got the selected responses and blanks. I handed papers back and got blanks again. My content area is one where writing across the curriculum is more than a stupid idea--it could actually work in a school where people write goddamn fucking paragraphs.
For cold calling: I was informed that students of low SES/academic achievement would experience pants-shittingly-bad anxiety if I asked them a question. So I would ask the whole group a question and count to 270 slowly in my head. Then I would move on to the next thing. So next year, I'm going to have a lot of people with shit all up in their pants.
For reading aloud: I was informed that the majority of the students at the High School are aliterate and illiterate, and that asking them to read aloud is like duct taping their hands and feet together and throwing them in a kidnap van. So I read everything. But I think my informants were wrong about a lot of things.
Also: My school doesn't have a phone policy. It's up to me to put on an iron coat and run my own gauntlets. I think they want to wait 5-10 years for national momentum to build. Maybe it won't. Maybe it will.
So, all that to say: Which battles do you fight? Do you win? If not, is it worth it for you to be Sisyphus, and where in the 180 or so days does it pay off for you.
Thanks for noticing me.

Her post: https://www.reddit.com/relationship_advice/s/ooTwyFNwWk She only showed me this a few days ago, but for the past couple of weeks my now ex gf has been curating the truth to extract as much validation as she can from this situation, and has prevented me from commenting or sharing my side.
She admits that I actually said - that I bought a house with us in mind. I did say that. When i first met her, I was moving away to LA. I had already lived in a home that was paid off for 12 years, but when i met her; i decided that maybe it's best and continue to build a life here, and should things work out, we could figure out a future together.
I had been looking at the market and one day, an amazing house came on the block, for 300k less than it was a months ago. I pounced and went to see it. That night i told her i saw a place, i even sent her the photos and said, i'm going to place an offer, which i did.
She seemed to love the place and see how much of an upgrade it would be from my current place - this is a 2M house, with 4 bathrooms, 3 bedrooms, 2 living rooms and most importantly, a garage as my cars kept getting stolen since i didn't have one at my current place.
There was never mention of us moving in together right away, at the time we were together for 6 months, wayyyy too soon. We weren't even saying "i love you yet" - and i did say that once actually, and she just didn't return it anyways.
That being said, since we spend 95%% of our time sleeping at my place when we see each other once a week, figure this would be good for us, and when it is time, we could move in together there and go from there.
She loved the place, from what she said, this was supposed to be a positive.
Now let's rewind though.
3 months into the relationship, she asked to borrow 4000$. I was not comfortable with it, but as usual, she made herself seem so much in need, that I couldn't say no and just break up with her there, but now I realize i should have. She guilted me sayinf that couples have to work together and be there for each other and all that jazz.
The fact is, within those first 3 months, i had brought her to LA while i had to be there on business and the total cost of the week that she was there was around 3K. Then, over xmas, we went to another city, another 2-3K, as well as a punta cana vacation for 7K. So after all that is when she decided to ask me, and you don't need to be a genius to realize thst she chose me because clearly, she pinned me as having the money to.
Had this been my wife or long term gf, this wouldn't of been an issue, but 3 months in - this was a big flag and i talked to her about it. As usual, and as a pattern throughout this relationship, she would get extremely angry, lose her cool and make me feel bad for "questioning her character".
So, fast forward to me actually moving into this house over a 3 week period. She helped none whatsoever, never offered and my own family, friends, and people who were working at the house asked me about it apl the time. Oh she has school, oh she texts me though and so on. Completely MIA until of course friday or saturday night where she wanted to go for dinners or go to shows - that we did, of course.
One day, once her exams had tailed down and she told me she was waking up early to write a photo, i saw that she posted a sunshine kissed selfie saying: yoga! Meal prep! Coffee! Sunshine!
And i wrote her privately: " you know, i feel you could have at least offered to help in some way today". Again, she loses it, tells me : " you know you don't have to tell me something just because it bothers you" and then eventually she says, and i will never forget this ever : " don't you think you're expecting a little much of me for 7/8 months of dating"?
I was shocked. For some reason, pressuring your bf for a 4000$ loan 3 months in, but offering help in any way over a 3 week period is too much.
I called it off, decided i don't need her and this relationship wouldn't work with this set of values we don't share.
A couple of days later, after trying whatever she could to flip this whole fight on me, constantly chaging the goal post as a pattern i had identified and made her aware of repeatedly over those 7/8 months, she eventually showed up unannounced, apologizing profusely, and apparently seeming to genuinely recognize that it wasn't right, and she could have offered.
I took some of the responsibility once she did, and said that maybe, i could have been more direct as to when and how.
We resolved, we started to laugh again, this was a fight that we would "learn from" we both said.
Well, last week we disagreed for another simple issue, and she blew up as she does, yelling, calling my life chaotic, calling me eveything she can think of, and then says she resents me for wanting her to help with the house when she had exams!
Basically she took back the apology fully and stormed out of the house, i did not chase her. I did not text her, and i did not want to negotiate at all anymore.
The next morning she said she acted like that because i told her she was fucked. Tbh, i don't remember saying that, but i probably did as she was having a massive blow up.
I apologized for saying that she is fucked because afterall, whatever i do is in my control and tried my very best to get her to see that blowing up like that, is her behavior to be accountable for.
That's when she shared the original thread... again - no words, shocked that for a couple of weeks in the background she had been farming all these comments about me, sharing our personal stuff and curating it in a way to make herself look like, you guessed it, a "victim" whose boyfriend "bought her a house"?
We met off hinge. She asked to borrow 3K from me 3 months in, and I told her since then that it just didn't look good at all, and I'd hate to have something like that i couldn't even share with my friends / family.
The facts are that she only shared as the relationship went on:

• she is over 40k in debt
• Got fired from her nursing job because the educator had it in for her
• Missed out on receiving funding from the school because of their online portal
• Wasn't able to apply to graduate because the school didn't let her know properly
• Hates her parents even though they gabe her a car, paid for her exams and other failed attempts at schooling in the past
• Told me that her last relationship was "toxic" and she didn't see a future with him but stayed with him for 3 years and when they broke up, he threatened to jump off their building, same building she currently lives in - where 1 bedroom costs more than my previous mortage did for the 12 years that i paid it.

Overall, yes i had reason to play it slow with her. I didn't want her moving in on a technicality, or making me responsible for all her bills or getting trapped if things didn't work out.
I didn't buy her a house, i bought my house, in cash, paid in full and she was well aware that.
I bought a house because I had settling down in my current city in mind after meeting and had hoped it would work out.
But here she is complaining about if she would have an office in it, for...nursing?
A shoe room? I have 25 pairs of shoes in a closet. The spare bedroom would be for a baby's room, possibily if my future half is comfortable with that. Discussions would be had but i realized that discussions would never be had with her.
She has rage in her mind, a wild sense of entitlement and at present time is currently getting evicted from her apartment, and has no full time job but all the time in the world to make reddit posts for validation.
This problem is solved, she is not going to move in, and i am accountable for my house and hope she becomes accountable for "her house".
I welcome any comments / questions but i know I was dealing with a highly problematic person who will never truly realize her ways.

Skip to bottom for TL;DR

So I started Escitalopram in January. I was on it for 3 months but I experienced a completely debilitating fatigue.
Prior to taking it I was working out every day, self-employed and working, meditated twice a day, journaled etc. I still had VERY low energy levels and motivation, but I at least forced myself to do that much.
Within a few weeks of starting to take it my energy and motivation levels became so low that I stopped doing all of that. I stopped working and lost a bunch of money as a result. Stopped working out. Stopped meditating. Stopped journaling. Stopped doing anything remotely productive. My space became cluttered, I lost my muscle and strength, and 15lbs due to barely eating. I just mostly sat in bed all day.
My sex drive died completely and I lost the ability to orgasm.
I also became really miserable and my depression got worse, to the point I started thinking about suicide. All this with very little in the way of positive effects from the medication.
So I made the decision to stop. My psychiatrist gave me a 3 week taper plan, which I followed, and since the 12 days ago, I'm completely off the med.
My question is: How long did it take those of you who were on it for close to 3 months to feel fully normal again after you stopped?
My energy levels have improved somewhat but are still pretty abysmal, my sex drive returned a little but is still a fraction of what it used to be. I regained the ability to orgasm (thank fuck). I had my first brain zap the other day, but thankfully the weird dizzy/floaty feelings I was getting have passed and I haven't had another brain zap since either. I'm having some moments of really bad anxiety/panic though and generally just feeling rough and under the weather.
The main thing is I still feel a bit numb, like my enjoyment of everything is still substantially muted like it was on Lexapro. I'm wondering how long it'll take me to feel better.

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Hey all! So I wanted to give a part two since I'm not high now lol, and also I wanted to clear up some things and add in some other details I left out that I just remembered. If you haven't seen the first part of this post then I suggest going to that, otherwise you'll be very confused. Also, I forgot to add this in my first post but DON'T READ if triggered by certain topics like r*ape, SA, murder, abuse, etc. Another thing is, this post is going to be a lot darker and aside from talking about what happened, I'm also looking for advice on my mental state and how to cope. So please read with caution because I'm going to be talking about what happened with B, but also about my past before him and how what happened is affecting my past trauma.
So, I'm not going to retell the whole story but I am going to be bringing up a lot of parts from it and things I didn't realize until after the incident happened. And some of the things I didn't think of until my friend brought it up. So in my first post, I was talking about how B (26M) was REALLY into Jeffrey Dahmer. Well, in the show we watched with Evan Peters, I noticed a lot of things Jeffrey did as well as already knowing a lot about him before watching it. I noticed that B was doing a lot of things similar to him. Now, I forgot to add in this part last time, but B was really 'straight phobic.' Now I'm a bi transman but I don't hate cis / straight people. In fact, a lot of my friends are cis and in straight relationships. For some reason though, he did, to a weird extent. And even though he was being respectful in the beginning, I'm starting to get a feeling he wasn't actually gay or cared about trans people. Because it seems as though ALL of his former partners were transmen. Which isn't that weird I guess, and he did tell me he tried dating a cis man before but it didn't work. After I met him in person he was telling me that he really liked his trans partners to still have sex vaginally and he liked tits. So, I was kind of confused at that. I think what was really going on was that he isn't gay but wanted to be so he could be like Jeffrey Dahmer. I know it's a bit of a stretch, but you'll see why later. So another thing is, Jeffrey would always ask his potential victims to go back to his place for drinks and to take photos, particularly sexual ones. Jeffrey would then lace the drinks and go on to do weird things to his victims while taking their pictures. And while I was trapped at his place, B kept pushing alcohol on me, A LOT. So much so, that when I kept refusing he started getting angry. However, once I pretended to take a sip it was like his whole attitude changed. He also kept joking it was laced, like EVERYTIME he offered me some. Even though I didn't actually drink any, like I said in the first post, I still got a few drops on my lips and in my mouth. After that I started to get a headache and was a bit dizzy. Also, he had told me before that he liked to take pictures of his partners in sexual poses while they held his guns. Aside from the guns, that's EXACTLY WHAT JEFFREY WOULD DO. For some reason, I didn't piece any of this together until afterwards. I guess I was too shaken up to think clearly. I said this before as well, but when I first entered his house, it was pitch black and he had black out curtains on EVERY WINDOW in his house. His bedroom, living room, kitchen, I mean his whole house made it seem like it was night outside. Another thing that is eerily similar to Jeffrey, is that B told me before I met him in person he always liked dating someone younger. I, at the time, was nineteen and he was twenty five, about to turn twenty six. I honestly don't know what was wrong with me so have not seen the BIG RED FLAGS in the beginning, but he played it off so well I didn't even notice them until after everything happened. And it isn't like me to go for older guys, I usually try to go for someone two years older or younger than me, as I don't like have a huge age gap between me and my partner. Anyway though, Jeffrey always went for younger guys, as well as sometimes KIDS. So, that's another thing similar between them, as well as the fact that B told me he was into little brother play. Where he makes his partners act like a younger brother during sex, etc. He also told me he liked for his partners to SUCK ON BINKIES. BRUHHHH, no thanks bro, I'm good. See, if it was just one of these things that he liked / was into, then I guess it would be normal. Just a guy into a weird ass kink, but all these things combined just did not sit right with me as well as how he was acting. Now, I said in my other post that basically the ENTIRE TIME I was with him, he had a weird ass expression on his face that made me uncomfortable. I wish I could explain better, but it was like constipated / confused look, like Edward from Twilight when he does those weird facial expressions. His brows were always furrowed and he looked like he was uncomfortable / anxious the whole time. He was being super sketchy. His body language was just really off-putting and made me feel weird. And the thing he kept ranting about the most was how Jeffrey Dahmer was misunderstood and just needed someone to be there for him, and then maybe he wouldn't have killed people. The thing that scared me the most was how he said he felt the same way, that he wished he could just have someone not leave him and how he had trust issues after his former partners. Especially the one I mentioned in the last post, about how his ex partner before me snuck out in the middle of the night and got his family to come get him. His family lived across the country, so it had to have been pretty bad for his ex to call his parents and tell them to come get him. Because they drove across multiple different states to come pick him up in the middle of the night so he could sneak away. I have a major feeling that B left out a lot of their fight and why his ex actually left. Not to mention while I was with him, he watched every move I made and wouldn't let me get on my phone without him seeing what I was doing / texting to people. I have a feeling if he thought I was trying to leave him he would've done something bad. Just like Jeffrey. Jeffrey wouldn't always hurt his victims (Not at first anyway) it was always when they said they had to leave that he would get angry and force them to stay. So, idk man, I could've been killed or worse. Also, I know I said I could've been killed or worse, and some of you are probably thinking what's worse than being killed? Well, to me, a lot of things he could've done would have been worse. Especially if he was trying to be like Dahmer, then I could've gotten acid injected into my brain or been r*aped. Which is exactly what I think he was trying to do, with how much alcohol he was trying to push on me. He also kept 'petting' me and touching my thighs while he told me all the ways he'd kill me 'if he was a serial killer.' I genuinely think that something bad would've happened if I didn't have one HELL of an excuse to leave. Because honestly, my mom couldn't have given a better excuse for me to go that also sounded real and not like a lie. Because, like I said before, I had told him before I met him that my mother had health issues and was always in and out of the hospital, so it was perfect that she used that as an excuse. He got really cold and wasn't speaking to me when he heard my phone call and that I had to leave, but I think if I would've tried to leave without that excuse or by giving him an obvious lie, then I might not be here. I'm also super grateful to my best friends who let me come to their place and stay late instead of going home. Me and my best friend, basically my sister, have talked about this a lot since it happened and every time we do, we try to rationalize why someone would act like that, other than being an actual serial killer / r*pist. But we can never think of a reason besides the fact that he simply is what he seems like. A really unhinged person who could've hurt me badly. Also, this was my FIRST TRUE experience in online dating and I honestly think I'm never going to try that again. I've run into so many creeps trying to date online, AND in real life. Most people who aren't trans probably don't realize or know this, but there are a lot of men that want to do really weird and fucked up things to trans people because I guess they think we are some mutant or something, or 'the best of both worlds.' I've run into them a lot, and when I met B, I thought that was over. I thought I had met an actual good person who was educated on trans topics and was respectful of my boundaries and my body. Nope. Now I'm starting to think dating, at least where I live now, is almost impossible and I think I'm going to be alone for awhile. :') Not to mention, I'm now traumatized after what happened with B, and I already had trouble trusting men, and just people in general. Before meeting him I have already been SAed before, multiple times. I guess I'm simply asking for advice on how to move on from something like this. I was trying, and doing kind of ok, moving on from things that had happened before I met B, but now after what happened with him I feel like I'm back sliding and it's making me relive all my past traumas. I basically trust no one, when it comes to sexual things, besides my two best friends I've known since childhood. I tend to over sexualize everything, even things that aren't sexual at all, and get scared around ANYONE, even family members, who I know deep down don't see me like that. I was also abused as a kid and wasn't able to get out of it until I was eighteen, and I've only just turned twenty now, so it wasn't even until two years ago I was still being abused. I feel I've fallen into the dark again and my panic attacks have gotten worse again. I feel depressed and I didn't realize until recently that I'm suicidal again. I didn't realize it until recently, because when I was younger and suicidal, I knew I was. I've tried unaliving myself before so I didn't think about it because I don't feel that way now. It's different this time. Instead of my thoughts directly wanting me to pull out a gun and, ya know, this time it's more subtle and more of a subconscious action. Like closing my eyes for a few seconds while driving. Or intrusive thoughts about ramming head first into the car in the other lane. Or going hiking and thinking of what it would feel like to step off the cliff. I'm honestly just tired. I feel like every person I meet has some kind of ulterior motive, whatever it is. I'm working at a really nice job but it seems like every time I save up money and am doing good for my future, I have to use it on something unexpected that pops into my life. I'm living with my grandparents for now because they said they weren't going to charge me rent, and I'm super grateful for that, but even still I can't keep money and I kind of just don't see my future anymore. Both my parents were drug addicts, my mother to pain pills then xans after that, my father was mainly an alcoholic but also did meth, pills, and other things. It doesn't help because when I was younger, around my early teen years (13-16) I started smoking cigs when I was 12, then I started smoking weed, which I still do, but then it got worse and I've tried xans, snorting pills I didn't even know what they were, drinking, and I've even done shrooms and LSD. I've also had some really bad trips on LSD that made my severe panic disorder worse and after that I now disassociate a lot too and have trouble knowing if I'm in reality while having a panic attack. And after what happened with B, his house and the smell (Cigs and booze) just reminded me what it was like living with my parents in that crack house looking trailer. It's like my brain won't let me let go of the past and move on. It's like I'm constantly stuck there still. And aside from dating, it's also super hard to meet people as friends where I live. I love my two best friends, one of which has been with me since we were basically fetuses and her parents and mine were friends, so her parents were also abusive drug addicts. It's nice to have someone so close and how we can relate to what we went through. We joke that we were traumatized by our parents, but also by each other's parents as well lol. Even though I'm grateful for them, you never know what's going to happen in the future and I don't want to be solely dependent on them and be able to make new friends, but I just can't. I feel so alone, and my friend I grew up with has been moved out a lot longer than me and has had time to heal, and I don't wanna keep dumping my mental problems on her because it's unfair to her. I feel like I'm just bringing her back to our past with me. When I moved out, I completely cut ties with my father, I don't even like calling him that, as he was the first person to SA me and he is, in general, and evil person. I try to think that evil people don't exist, but then I think of him and I realize they do. My mom though, is a good person when she isn't on anything. Recently though, I blocked her and haven't talked to her in over a month because she OD again on xans and amphetamines. I kind of realized recently that she is almost as bad as my father, even though I never wanted to admit that to myself. Because when I was younger, I admitted to her that he had SAed me and she kept pressuring me to tell her what happened, like, IN DETAIL. I told her no because I didn't want to relive it and think about it, even now I have a lot of repressed memories. And because I wouldn't tell her EXACTLY what happened, she doesn't believe. I think she does, deep down, but she doesn't want it to be real. And after her OD last month, she tried telling me she didn't and that it was just her BLOOD PRESSURE. LIKE OH MY GOD BITCH, WHY DO YOU LIE? She must think I'm stupid or something. Before I blocked her, I cussed her out over text and said something like "Who do you think was the first person at the hospital? Not grandma, not your husband, ME. I've always been there for you first. Who do you think told me you had OD? The doctors when I first got there!" And she still denies it, even though when me and my friend got the hospital she was lying there naked (they had to cut her clothes off to save her) with a breathing tube stuck down her throat. I've tried helping her my whole life but apparently she doesn't want help. So now I've gotten tired of her BS and I blocked her and now my grandma is pressuring me to talking to her, luckily though, my grandpa went through something similar as a kid and understands how it is so he isn't guilt tripping me into talking with her. I'm just tired of having to put into traumatic situations. My mental health just keeps getting worse. Somehow, trauma always finds me and nowadays, it seems my only friends are my demons. It used to not be like this, but now even when I'm with my two closest friends, I still feel lonely. Like they are reminding me that when I leave my friends, I'm alone again. Anyway, I know this probably isn't the right subreddit for this, but I kind of just started ranting, sorry for that.
Also, to clear some things up, no I don't use drugs, not anymore. I've never really been an addict at all in my life, somehow. I just did drugs because I wanted to escape when I was younger, and thankfully I never got addicted to any of them. Not like you can get addicted to LSD or shrooms anyway. The only thing I've got addicted to was cigarettes, which rn, is the least of my concerns. And as for weed, I used to be a major stoner but it started making my panic attacks worse so I stopped for a few years, cold turkey, and only recently started smoking it again. So, I'm not worried about weed and if anything, it's been helping now. Especially since I don't smoke it nearly as much as I used to. So, for those worried about me being or getting on drugs, don't worry I'm fine. I have made a clear boundary for myself to never do anything besides smoking my cigs and weed. Cause I've seen how drugs affect my parents and others I've known and I've sworn to myself that I won't become them. It also sucks though because I see psychedelics as something that can help a lot of people with trauma, and the first shrooms trip I ever did changed my life for the better. Now though, after my bad LSD trip, I don't know if I can every do them again. Maybe one day, but not for the foreseeable furture. Again, sorry for going on a rant. I'll probably post this to another subreddit and see if anyone can help. I'm not looking for therapy as I don't have the money or health insurance. Just looking for someone who can relate that has been able to move past similar things and find happiness. If you've read this far, thank you. Like seriously, from the bottom of my heart. It means a lot to me that someone would read about another person's problems and life experience. I hope whoever is reading this is having a great day / night wherever you are, and are living your best life. And for those reading that are going through a similar situation right now and can't get out, I promise you aren't alone. I haven't really gotten better, so I can't say things get better, but I can say it DOES get easier. All I can say is, you aren't alone in it. There are others, like me, who know your pain. Keep living, it'll be worth it. Even though I'm not doing my best and my mental problems are still with me, that doesn't mean it's all been bad. I've made a lot of amazing memories after I moved out. Keep going.

Hi there, I'm M25, looking for some solutions here. I've taken on about 60,000 in federal debt from the covid times, in addition to currently owing about $15,000 in back taxes, plus an additional $7,500 or so once I finally get around to filing my taxes from the 2021 year.
The last couple of years I haven't worked much. I was self-employed, and never taught about taxes. In fact, my education about taxes, from my non-educated, high school drop out father, was basically, "taxes are theft," "earn your money in cash," and "the only thing you'd need to file taxes for is if you want a loan for a house, car, business, etc." I still agree with many of his sentiments today, and I know he's not the only one with these ideas. Frankly I find it hard and very frustrating to have to give my money to the government, considering I know they're just unlimited printing money and the limited amount of money I have right now isn't going to make even a small dent in the national debt.
The $60,000 from the federal government is currently accruing interest at a nominal rate of 5% per year. $3,000 per year in interest.
The reason I haven't worked much, is largely because of some mental health and physical health issues. Now, I find myself in a situation where I owe roughly $80,000 to the federal and provincial governments. In addition, I have now racked up an additional $30,000 in student loans [also, from the federal/provincial governments][no interest for now, thankfully, not overly concerned about it.]
There's $110,000 in total debt to the government. I have also, an additional $25,000 approximately in personal loans from friends/family.
I have high hopes for myself, always have. I'm fairly sure, I could win some pretty large contracts with enough grit, or expand an existing business with someone I know, at the end of this summer. Both options have a good potential of coming true in the long-term, I think. But in the meantime, I have considerable debt which I'm not sure what to do about, and, frankly, it's depressing.
If I filed for bankruptcy, I'd lose the option to keep getting student loans, and the federal grants that go along with it [free money]. It's not clear if this happens if I file the consumer proposal. I thought about just continuing to run up the student loans, and then declare bankruptcy later, but, frankly, the whole idea of the debt hanging over my head during that time is very anxiety provoking, even if it's not 'immediately due.' I just want it out of my hair.
I have concerns that this becomes public record, and if I entered into politics later in life, that this might come back to burn me, but I'm honestly starting to get to the point where I think it might be there best option. There's also an element of feeling like a moral failure, if I have to take either of these options.
In summation:
What would you do in the scenario, and why?
What kind of mindset shift should I adopt around taxation?