The reason why I asked this question is because I like to learn why other people think the way they do to deepen the understanding of my own out look on life. I like seeing things from different angles so I can work out why things the way they are with my head especially. What I have noticed recently is there so many people who are just bitter, angry, sad and depressed on this platform. When I see this I want to understand why they are the way they. There are couple things I wanna make clear so people won't thinks they answering someone who got everything handed to them with no struggle in life. I'm not gonna say much but I live in one income household with my dad and I as I can't get an Id cause of stupid sheet luckily we got roof over our head. My dad can't work as he has server mental problems even more luckily we live in Ireland so they give good support for people like my dad so we are getting through while we wait for my id process. I know that was irrelevant but the main point is for some reason my out look in life is positive I always know that I could be so much worse off eg be in a war zone, a famine or even in a abusive house hold. So the main point of the question is why do so many people feel negative about life? If my grammar is bad I'm half asleep watching ufc.

I’ve been struggling horribly with death anxiety; the thought of living, loving, and making memories with all these people just to lose them one day, that if there is no god, you’re alone and unaware after death. Anyways, this fear has manifested itself into the fear of the planet one day being destroyed, and our entire world with it. And it’s sad because I swear we are so worried about the most pointless shit. Like everyone knows the sun is going to go nova one day right? Like when the sun becomes a red giant we’re literally going to get sucked in and burned to ash. Everything our race has worked so hard to accomplish and everything we’ve built and achieved will be wiped away, like it never existed. The human race alone is only predicted to be around for another 7.8 million years. We’ve literally lived through half of the human races history already and we’re so focused on petty, trivial problems instead of making it count while we can; while we’re here. Or try to invest in ways to ensure the survival of our race while we can. We’d have to make insanely complex scientific breakthroughs to even remotely get an idea of how possibly to save ourselves. The amount of time and money we’d need for that is, pardon the pun, astronomical. If we’re already halfway through, do we even have enough time before we’re gone? Will we be the destruction of ourselves before we even get the chance? Is it even possible to begin with? Eventually we’ll have answers to the first two.. but unless we stop focusing on stuff that doesn’t matter, I don’t think we’ll ever get the answer to my last question. If we keep going on the way we have as a race, the only evolution we’ll be going through, is growing taller, living longer, and smaller brains. We’ll be more agreeable, more friendly, and more bland. All the violence and drama is only stunting our race and our evolution. We’re showing the universe we’re too complex for our own good and to survive we need to be dumbed down. I wish I could say I had more faith in us, considering how far we’ve already come, but without unity, team work, genuine care and dedication for our fellow man and our planet, we’re doomed.

TW - mention of drug use, SH and alcohol
hello this is my first post ever on reddit. i feel this is the best down to earth non judgemental place to discuss my feelings. my partner m/24 and i f/25 have been together a little over a year and a half. he’s my absolute world, but the past few months have been rocky, and im questioning if its a rough patch or if we’re just over. we don’t live together, and we mostly only see each other on weekends as his mother doesn’t allow guests staying over on week days. he works monday - friday, and my home is hostile, so i go to his. i don’t get to see him every weekend, probably 2/4 weekends a month due to myself doing shift work. we are the exact definition of chalk and cheese. he is the perfect example of avoidant attachment, stoner boyfriend and i am the bpd girlfriend who loves alcohol and drugs. we have always done our upmost to have the understanding of each other. we’ve always been perfect and fit together like literal puzzle pieces and our friends have always referred to us as their ideal relationship. the past couple of months, things have been different. he’s been more distant, i’ve taken a dip in my mental health and he’s cold and uninterested, which previously hasn’t been an issue. he is interested in me when it is sex, but not much else. i sh rather bad when in a very low point a couple of weeks ago, went to him for support, purely as i was terrified at the amount i was bleeding, and got met with anger, and shouted of why the f would i do that and i should’ve just come to bed, everyone is depressed and i did it to manipulate him. he has always drilled into me that no one is allowed to shout at me, not even him. after he finished shouting, i mentioned this and he says yes but you’ve pissed me off. when he looks at me i feel like he just looks disgusted. i have bought up above issues multiple times and communicated the best i can. i am met with ‘i don’t know what you want me to say’, and then i also got ‘nothings changed but you’re clearly suffering so leave if you need to’. he’s made it clear many times he’d be fine if we split. but i know i wouldn’t. this was my first relationship that wasn’t horrifically toxic and i think im clinging onto it despite it turning sour. i am terrified i am the problem. i know the answer to this already. i am just scared, feeling very lost and alone. i live with my parents and as i previously mentioned, home is hostile. horrifically toxic. i have never ever had a place that has felt like home before him. i have had relationships before him and he is the first person who has made me feel safe enough where just being with him felt like home. and now it doesn’t. what the fuck do i do.

I had difficulty seeing in a few games. Vader, alvo, even walkabout mini golf... And I figured out the problem.
When I first got my metaQuest I went through all the settings and I noticed one for contrast... And since I have the contrast on my PC monitor and TV maxed out, there was no reason to think I shouldn't do the same with the metaquest. Actually I only turned it to about 30%.
I noticed this made the blacks nice and dark but I could still see everything fine on the home screen.
But it makes many games unplayable. You have to keep the contrast setting under accessibility at 0%.
Just wanted to make this post in case anyone else had this problem and was searching for an answer like I was.

The title basically explains it.
I’m running Lost Mines of Phandelver with a lot of my own homebrew to flesh things out. We are currently in a very dry section of the book, so I’ve wanted to do some extra things. One of them is have a doppelgänger roleplay/combat session
I have already started putting ideas in the players head that their party members are off (the ones that aren’t at the session, like I have some of them like shown to be awake during a long rest, or like be rummaging through stuff, as I’ve been playing with a rule that any pc’s that have no player that session are still there but semi ignored/not relevant)
One idea I had was to have this one kid in town they have already met, lead them out into the forest (oops he’s a doppelgänger too) and then have this sort of mini game happen when they rest, where the party doubles, with a doppelgänger there for each PC. Each player would then get a question each “round” to ask another set of PC’s, and the player playing the questioned PC would send me their answer, and I would roleplay that answer, and a fake doppelgänger answer. It would then be the parties job to find out which is a doppelgänger, after a few questions.
The problem is, that seems really slow and a slog, with players thinking of answers and questions, and then typing them out. Plus I don’t wanna roleplay their characters that’s a big no no. Maybe I do one doppelgänger? but I don’t wanna show favoritism or smth.
Another idea was just one of the NPC’s close to them was actually replaced by a doppelgänger but idk how to do that well.
My group is also pretty new, and therefore not amazing (but trying somewhat) at roleplay, so I want to try to get them to get into their characters a little more instead of just themselves.
Any help?

The title basically explains it.
I’m running Lost Mines of Phandelver with a lot of my own homebrew to flesh things out. We are currently in a very dry section of the book, so I’ve wanted to do some extra things. One of them is have a doppelgänger roleplay/combat session
I have already started putting ideas in the players head that their party members are off (the ones that aren’t at the session, like I have some of them like shown to be awake during a long rest, or like be rummaging through stuff, as I’ve been playing with a rule that any pc’s that have no player that session are still there but semi ignored/not relevant)
One idea I had was to have this one kid in town they have already met, lead them out into the forest (oops he’s a doppelgänger too) and then have this sort of mini game happen when they rest, where the party doubles, with a doppelgänger there for each PC. Each player would then get a question each “round” to ask another set of PC’s, and the player playing the questioned PC would send me their answer, and I would roleplay that answer, and a fake doppelgänger answer. It would then be the parties job to find out which is a doppelgänger, after a few questions.
The problem is, that seems really slow and a slog, with players thinking of answers and questions, and then typing them out. Plus I don’t wanna roleplay their characters that’s a big no no. Maybe I do one doppelgänger? but I don’t wanna show favoritism or smth.
Another idea was just one of the NPC’s close to them was actually replaced by a doppelgänger but idk how to do that well.
My group is also pretty new, and therefore not amazing (but trying somewhat) at roleplay, so I want to try to get them to get into their characters a little more instead of just themselves.
Any help?

Teenie is an anomaly. She never grew bigger than 6 lbs. Her gingivitis was so bad it made her sick until we took all her teeth. Every summer she gets some kind of skin infection even tho she's inside only. We live in Florida. I adopted her at 2 yrs old and she is now 10. I've done every blood test, biopsies when her skin got so bad, cytologies, urinalysis, etc. She's lived bc of depo and convenia. We never got an answer. I'm okay with that. My problem is the litter box. She stopped using it when she went blind. Understandable. But it's been years and I'm so tired of the painters plastic on the floor with pee pads in the cat room. Lucky she knows where to go, bc if it was all over the house it'd be a different conversation. I just wanted to ask if anyone had any idea on a better, cleaner way to deal. We never thought teenie would make it this far, and are so glad she has. She really is so happy and living a normal great life. But I'm tired of her peeing on my floors. The plastic only does so much. Also wondering if any vets have any ideas on a diagnosis? She has been tested for hiv/felv multiple times. Plus the huge toxo panels and whatnot. I love her so much, I just wanted a second opinion

I had two cats 10M and 3F. They were cuddle buddies and loved each other. About 2 months about the male started losing weight and declining. He went through many tests and bloodwork and meds but ended up getting diagnosed with cancer on Tuesday and was put to sleep to end his suffering as he wasn’t himself. The entire time, my girl cat who is my entire heart and soul seemed so sad. She didn’t play with him anymore (it feels like she knew he didn’t feel good and didn’t want to bother him) and would cry at night for someone to play with as she would run around.
I’m feeling a lot of guilt and regret I didn’t spoil him in his last months. What if he had future symptoms and I didn’t register them as abnormal? I feel like I was in strong denial we would find something out and he would be fixed and healthy again. We would cuddle every night but I feel like I should’ve done more and spent more time focusing all my attention on him. He was such a sweet loving boy. I can barely eat and I’ve been throwing up I feel so sick for how it ended. When we brought him to the vet on Tuesday I feel like I got hit by a truck when the vet felt his abdomen and immediately said it’s not good and he thinks it’s rapidly spreading intestinal cancer. X-rays confirmed this. He was put to sleep with me and fiance in the room while he weakly laid there.
We stayed in the room for the process by his head petting and kissing him while he got injected with the anesthetic. I didn’t want him to look at what was going on and he kept his eyes on us the entire time. After the first injection, he started purring so loud. He hadn’t purred like this in weeks. I feel so guilty he was purring to comfort himself because he was scared or in pain but was too weak to vocalize or move.
We chose to do cremation. I’m scared they weren’t kind and gentle with his body. I’m personally so against cremation as it feels so cruel to do to a body even if they’ve passed. I’m scared he was just thrown into an incinerator and didn’t get the respect he deserves. My coworkers asked me if it was a solitary or mixed cremation. I didn’t even think about this. I don’t mind getting mixed ashes - it could be multiple animals whose owners chose not to keep their ashes and that’s so sad to me. But what if I get the ashes back and it’s barely his? How do I even know if it’s him? I want to ask the vet clinic but I’m so scared of the answer and how I’ll linger on it forever.
Then… I got two new outdoor kittens that were about to get trapped in storms happening and adopted them this week. I got one Monday and my male cat cuddled him and me the entire time before his appointment. After we euthanized him… we went back and got the other babies brother the same night so he wouldn’t be alone and scared and in the storms. It wasn’t to replace him - that was not our intention whatsoever. We just knew we could help this baby and it would be more comforting to the first kitten to have his brother.
They’re so sweet. But I feel so guilty my cat somehow feels replaced. But they could never be a replacement for him, they just needed help and we had the resources to do so. I feel like it looks really shitty of me to adopt so quickly and that it looks just forgetting my cat for some new babies. I know I shouldn’t care what people think and I would never judge someone else for helping out a cat after a loss.
My girl cat seems happy. She loves cuddling them when they’re calm during the day and plays with them at night which is her regular crazy hours. She sets her boundaries gently with them when they get a little wild and she’s not ready to play. But I feel so guilty and evil. They get lots of love but to be honest I can’t help but look at them and think that should’ve never happened with my male cat and he should be here. I applied to volunteer at my local shelter that needs help to help with their cats - they have a lot of senior and special needs cats I want to work with as they deserve love.
I’m really just rambling but I feel like I can’t talk to anyone about it without looking crazy. I’m in one on one therapy but it’s not until Tuesday and I feel weird going in and just dumping all my problems about cats. It feels so insignificant compared to issues people go through in life and we’ve been focusing on my OCD obsessions and rituals.
Am I a bad cat owner? Did I make too many wrong quick decisions?

I had two cats 10M and 3F. They were cuddle buddies and loved each other. About 2 months about the male started losing weight and declining. He went through many tests and bloodwork and meds but ended up getting diagnosed with cancer on Tuesday and was put to sleep to end his suffering as he wasn’t himself. The entire time, my girl cat who is my entire heart and soul seemed so sad. She didn’t play with him anymore (it feels like she knew he didn’t feel good and didn’t want to bother him) and would cry at night for someone to play with as she would run around.
I’m feeling a lot of guilt and regret I didn’t spoil him in his last months. I feel like I was in strong denial we would find something out and he would be fixed and healthy again. We would cuddle every night but I feel like I should’ve done more and spent more time focusing all my attention on him. He was such a sweet loving boy. I can barely eat and I’ve been throwing up I feel so sick for how it ended. When we brought him to the vet on Tuesday I feel like I got hit by a truck when the vet felt his abdomen and immediately said it’s not good and he thinks it’s rapidly spreading intestinal cancer. X-rays confirmed this. He was put to sleep with me and fiancee in the room while he weakly laid there.
We stayed in the room for the process by his head petting and kissing him while he got injected with the anesthetic. I didn’t want him to look at what was going on and he kept his eyes on us the entire time. After the first injection, he started purring so loud. He hadn’t purred like this in weeks. I feel so guilty he was purring to comfort himself because he was scared or in pain but was too weak to vocalize or move.
We chose to do cremation. I’m scared they weren’t kind and gentle with his body. I’m personally so against cremation as it feels so cruel to do to a body even if they’ve passed. I’m scared he was just thrown into an incinerator and didn’t get the respect he deserves. My coworkers asked me if it was a solitary or mixed cremation. I didn’t even think about this. I don’t mind getting mixed ashes - it could be multiple animals whose owners chose not to keep their ashes and that’s so sad to me. But what if I get the ashes back and it’s barely his? How do I even know if it’s him? I want to ask the vet clinic but I’m so scared of the answer and how I’ll linger on it forever.
Then… I got two new outdoor kittens that were about to get trapped in storms happening and adopted them this week. I got one Monday and my male cat cuddled him and me the entire time before his appointment. After we euthanized him… we went back and got the other babies brother the same night so he wouldn’t be alone and scared and in the storms. It wasn’t to replace him - that was not our intention whatsoever. We just knew we could help this baby and it would be more comforting to the first kitten to have his brother.
They’re so sweet. But I feel so guilty my cat somehow feels replaced. But they could never be a replacement for him, they just needed help and we had the resources to do so. I feel like it looks really shitty of me to adopt so quickly and that it looks just forgetting my cat for some new babies. I know I shouldn’t care what people think and I would never judge someone else for helping out a cat after a loss.
My girl cat seems happy. She loves cuddling them when they’re calm during the day and plays with them at night which is her regular crazy hours. She sets her boundaries gently with them when they get a little wild and she’s not ready to play. But I feel so guilty and evil. They get lots of love but to be honest I can’t help but look at them and think that should’ve never happened with my male cat and he should be here. I applied to volunteer at my local shelter that needs help to help with their cats - they have a lot of senior and special needs cats I want to work with as they deserve love.
I’m really just rambling but I feel like I can’t talk to anyone about it without looking crazy. I’m in one on one therapy but it’s not until Tuesday and I feel weird going in and just dumping all my problems about cats. It feels so insignificant compared to issues people go through in life and we’ve been focusing on my OCD obsessions and rituals.
Am I a bad pet owner? Did I make too many wrong quick decisions?

I’ve had several accounts with E*Trade (now Morgan Stanley) for about 25 years. All of a sudden, this year, they’ve restricted my accounts four different times (the most recent I found out about today) and never provided any explanation as to why. Each time, I’ve completed an extensive interview and answered questions about my finances and personal life that feel remarkably personal and inappropriate. Each time I complete the process they assure me I won’t have any more problems. Then my accounts end up restricted again within a month.
For some background: I worked a steady job from 2001 until 2020 when I became disabled. The process of qualifying for disability insurance payments was long and difficult, so I lived off savings for almost two years until my bank balance was almost zero. Then I sold my house (received a large check for the proceeds). Then finally I was approved for ssdi, received a large back-pay check, and ongoing monthly payments. Then my disability company tied to my job settled their claim with me as well. Another large one-time payment that came across in two parts.
I explained all of these things, and even gave contact information for all my lawyers and disability companies. I use my accounts for normal bill payments, and a high yield interest account for savings, which I don’t touch.
So what worries me is that I’ve somehow made some ‘naughty’ list that keeps me flagged, so any use of my accounts triggers the restriction again. (My most recent restriction came after I deposited a check from my dentist for insurance overpayment of a whopping $182). I get that the past four years haven’t looked normal, but I’ve explained every penny, with documentation. I don’t see why every single transaction in my account risks my account being frozen.
How can I determine this? Will changing banks wipe the slate clean? Are there banks that have a better record as far as mistakenly restricting accounts?
Thanks for any insight or advice.

Hello everybody. Just letting you all know that I come in peace and do not have any hostile intentions.
I was expelled, and am a person trying to return to the Church. If you are a member who is feeling stuck and seeking answers here, I would actually advise against that. I thought exploring this sub would give me answers, but it instead sent me into a spiral of hate. I used to be an active poster on this sub, and all I can say is that it did NOT make my life better. I felt like I was stuck in a dark tunnel, waiting for the light from the outside to guide me out, but it never did. I thought this was my way out was escaping the Church, but the grass is not always greener on the other side. I now see that being a member is where I should be, my faith and beliefs literally aligns with the Church's.
Now I know what you're thinking, "Get off this sub, you're brainwashed". But just read this first and respond however you want. Before you direct any hate toward the church, really ask yourself. Is it really the Church, or some other problem and blaming the Church is just easier? I swear I'm not trying to be insensitive, but these are questions I asked that helped me reach my choice. I realized that the Church was not my enemy, and that I had my own thoughts and feelings to sort out.
I know I might have triggered some readers on here, but I just wanted to post this here because leaving the Church is a big choice too. I know that there are people on this sub that are in a really dark place, and I know because I was too! My advice to anyone here is to ACTUALLY TALK TO A MINISTER.
Thank you for reading and have a nice day

Hello, I am joining the CLaSP department this Fall 24 as an MEng grad student, and I have an appointment on June 3rd to register for classes, but the problem is I have several issues which haven't been answered by the department. This is the first time I have across this kind of a course registration system so I would love for a senior or someone with knowledge about this to help out.
1) So the academic advisor, sent us an introduction mail in which she gave a basic outlines of the course structure, and in her mail suggested that the courses SPACE 478 (Space Environment) and as some of the very common first semester courses that is selected, but 478 shows on the website to not be available for the Fall Term 2024 and some more courses just like it are also shown as unavailable for the fall term and I was also told 581 has already gone into waitlisting , so when and how can I register for these courses? If so many of them are not offered now won't that thin out my options? (I screenshot below shows how some of them don't have the offering term)
https://preview.redd.it/es4hkvhd134d1.png?width=717&format=png&auto=webp&s=9562f2fc9979fe457122ec8453e68c5b4c35c80a
2) Is there a proper catalogue that separates and shows the available concentration electives and breadth electives which can be chosen?
3) As I've mentioned in Point 1, there seems to be a lot of mainstream courses so can we choose more electives and less core? Or is there a specific rule regarding the credits split for each semester?
4) There is an option to choose courses from the Aerospace department as well, so are these concentration elective courses or breadth? Apart from that, which of the ones offered by them can actually be chosen? Of course, courses with pre-requirements of other courses like AERO 512 etc. can't be chosen but is that the only criteria for selecting some of the AEROSP courses?
5) If a student plans to study for a total of 1.5 years, how does an average course selection look like? For example, does the student select a lesser number of courses to accommodate time for other things and projects or do they select more courses in total, which would mean that they would have finished more courses than a person that graduated in a year.

Hi everyone,
As the title says I don't know what to do any I desperately need help. I live in japan and Japanese is not my native language. Japan also doesn't really have PCP or GP's. I have a lovely doctor who is trying his best to help me but he's got a "Well what do you want to check" attitude and doesn't seem to understand how severe my symptoms are.
I'm 31/F, American currently living in japan. No per-existing medical conditions that we know of. Family history of hypo/hyper thyroidism and thyroid cancer I'm 165cm/100kg
I've suffered from sleep problems basically my whole life as long as I can remember. When I was in college I was prescribed trazadone to help aid the sleep. It worked perfectly for a little bit and I felt fantastic. I took it for about seven years when it stopped working last year. I switched medications and am now taking Quetiapine for sleep but it doesn't work very well. I've seen like a dozen doctors this years trying to get answers but none of them have been any help.
My most severe symptoms are:
-Insomnia without sleep aid (without a prescription sleep aid I can't sleep at all) -With prescription sleep aids I wake up throughout the night -gastrointestinal problems (chronic constipation) -severe fatigue (and when i say severe I mean head aches as soon as I wake up, brain fog, lack of coordination, no emotional regulation. When it was really bad last year I was having auditory hallucinations) -Night terrors/nightmares -Shortness of breath (I can't climb stairs without getting winded)
Less severe things that may be related but what do I know?
-Restless leg -Loss of apatite (I haven't felt hungry in a long time) -Tinnitus
I desperately need help even knowing where to start looking. I saw a sleep specialist last year who just told me that I am a woman so I am going to be tired and asked me to please learn to live with my condition. I've had about 6 blood panels done this year but I don't know which numbers are relevant and whenever I show them to my doctor he doesn't seem to have any ideas either.
Anything would be helpful. Just a point in a direction of something to try. I'm out of ideas from researching myself. I dont know what to ask my doctor to check next.

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I am not The OOP, OOP is u/Complex-Wing7114
I have 2 weeks to get away from my husband
Originally posted to offmychest
Thanks to u/soayherder for suggesting this BoRU
Previous BoRU
TRIGGER WARNING: controlling behavior, threats, abusive behavior, stalking, assault, physical violence, gaslighting
Original Post Apr 27, 2024
Throwaway account as my husband and In-laws are follow my main. I, 29 F, have been married to my husband, 30 m, who I'll call Alex. Alex and I met in college during our freshman year. We started off as just friends, and got married seven months ago. I've gotten along with his family, but we aren't super close but we're friendly enough. The problem is that Alex has begun to make me incredibly uncomfortable.
Firstly, he's begun to ask me who I'm meeting with, where, what we plan on doing, how long every single time I leave the house without him. At first, I just thought he was being protective and a good partner just in case something happened, but then he started checking my phone after the visits, vetting and researching each of my friends as well.
He also has been pursuing me to link my bank account to his, as he's "in charge" of the finances when he was perfectly fine with keeping them separate before. We fight about it almost every day.
Finally, yesterday when he was preparing to go on a work trip for two weeks in California, he demanded I wear a tracker so he could keep and eye on me while he's gone. I can't do this anymore, I feel like I'm suffocating and his family who I've spoken to about his worrying behavior just said he's being careful and protective as a good husband should. I need to gather my things together and find a way to be gone before he gets home without tipping him off.
He's always threatened that if he ever found me cheating on him he'd turn in divorce papers the same day. He keeps a filled out copy in his desk. I'm going to submit those the day I leave. But there's so much to do, bergen finding a new place to live, seeing if my job has any transfers available, packing and moving in two weeks. His return flight May 11th, so I need to move quickly. I'm posting here because I don't have any close family, and I can't risk dragging my friends into this as we share the same friends.I just needed a place to vent, and ask if anyone has any advice on the easiest and safest way to do this?
Edit: oh my god you guys are amazing! I never even thought to not use his divorce papers. I'll check for cameras before I start any packing or prepping. I may also shred his divorce papers just in case and look into getting a lawyer for myself. I'm in a no fault divorce state, that much I so remember which will help. I'll update again when I know more. The tracker he wants me to use is a small clip to put on the belt or waistband. I'll wear it unless I'm going or doing something related to me leaving. No pets yet thankfully.
Update Apr 28, 2024
So I've gotten a lot of support and helpful advice along with questions I thought I should clarify before I proceed with the update. Some asked why I'd be 'hiding' things from Alex regarding going out and who I'm meeting with. I don't, and I have nothing to hide. However when he begins to then double check everything I tell him with the other people there right down to each person I talked to and what I said. Did I send any text msgs, did I order food, how much did I eat, that's when it started to feel like I was slowly being pushed into a corner. It didn't start that bad, but gradually grew worse overtime.
All of the Reddit subs my in-law's families are part of are related gardening and diy so I highly doubt they'll see this, if so by the time they do, I'll hopefully be gone. I talked to my job and explained things to my manager. And they promised to look into openings in other states to see if they could get me into one. They'll have an update on that in three days. I trust that my bank account us secured, considering he's tried to get into it before and failed. I found one camera in the kitchen, another in the living room and one in our bedroom. As such, I've left them in place for now and done all other planning, either in the bathroom pretending I'm taking a bath.
I'm honestly staying away from the domestic violence services as my sister-in-law is unfortunately higher up in those considering she volunteers there and I have a feeling if I did show up there, they would know in a heartbeat. I can't look for apartments until I get the update from my work, but either or i'm still gonna be leaving the state. The day before I do I will be changing my number carrier and wiping my laptop and all of his electronics before I do.
I've met with 2 lawyers so far and had them look over the paperwork. My husband had prepared and both said that it did it have some clauses in it. That could have caused me some trouble down the line. What alarmed all of us close the fact that several of those clauses dealt with future children, and not as a hypothetical. Like several hair suggested I have a feeling he fully intended on getting me pregnant to keep me trapped and tied to him.
There are 3 other locations. My job could send me to and I have. As a precaution Begun looking into all 3 cities and housing in the areas. Just in case one of those, this is the one they send me to. Even if they don't have an opening that they can push me into then I will just have to quit, move and figure things out on my own. I have enough money to live and survive for a few months until I can pick up another job.
Unfortunately all of our friends are mutuals and would likely be unaware of the consequences of saying or sharing anything I do or say with my husband. I don't have any surviving close family and obviously my in laws are not a good resource to rely on. I am on my own unfortunately, other than the wonderful bonds, i've begun to make here. I will update again if I get more information or something else happens. Otherwise all update when my work gets back to me. I do plan on leaving before he returns, though. Just to make sure that i'm not anywhere near here at that time.
Update 2 Apr 30, 2024
Good news! My work has an opening I qualify for that will not only shift me across the country, but also comes with a salary increase as well. I've started telling my in laws and friends that I'm planning a surprise outing for when my husband gets back for just the two of us. This way, people don't give me odd looks if they see me out and about. I've even gone as far as asking MIL to show me his favorite recipes.
Meanwhile, I've found a moving company that while small is willing to work in a storm. The reason is in five days, we're supposed to get hit with a large storm front. I plan to shut off the breaker and say we lost power if he asks just as several people here suggested and even send him a short clip of the storm.
I will have all of my stuff moved that afternoon, and I will be flying out once the weather has cleared enough to do so. I have a lawyer who will push my divorce through, and I've filled out the necessary paperwork so that I don't have to be here for it. I'm not suing for assets or alimony and I've shredded his divorce papers as well. I've set up a cheap payphone plan through cricket until this is all said and done at which point I will find a new carrier, number and phone. This one is being wiped and left behind.
My laptop is provided by my work, and the IT department inspected it thoroughly and it was clean thankfully. No other electronic aside from my laptop and new phone will be coming with me. If alex needs to talk to me, he can do it through my lawyer. Not sure if anything else will happen, my fingers are crossed that he doesn't think anythings amiss until after I leave - and I'm not turning the breaker back on when I do. He can when he gets home. My work is covering the plane ticket, so that at least is one expense I don't have to finagle in.
Update 3 May 7, 2024
Update 3: I have 2 weeks to get away from my husband.
It's been a busy week, but I've gotten so much done. Firstly, I am now out of the house and am currently in a hotel while I look for an apartment. It's a big city, bustling with people no matter where you look. We had a pretty bad storm system hit back home, that actually lasted two days. High winds, thunder, lightning and even hail everywhere. I didn't take much from the house, my documents, clothes and important sentimental items. I left all of the furniture and electronics behind. I cleaned the house top to bottom and took pictures on my phone so he couldn't claim I damaged anything when I left.
My lawyer has already started divorce proceedings, and my husband will be served on the 8th. His plane is due to land early morning, and the sheriff will be there at the house waiting for him. He is very much about public appearances and reputation. My lawyer will be calling him as well to inform him that I am more than willing to air out everything to the public about his actions if it means securing my freedom from him. I will go to court as long as I must to get this pushed through.
I haven't told our friends or his in-laws yet, I will do that while he is on the flight to prevent him from getting wind of it before he's handed the divorce papers. I will be calling around and explaining why we're getting divorced, to try and prevent him from twisting this into somehow being my fault. I don't want him trying to claim I had an affair or something so I want to get the truth out before he can twist this.
I'm... doing okay. I'm tired, but yet I feel almost jittery and off-kilter. I keep looking over my shoulder and monitoring what I say even when I don't really need to anymore. Hopefully that will fade soon. My work is covering the cost of the hotel, and I'm working on getting my other things in order. I also need to find a new GP as I want to get a full test just to make sure everything is okay. I don't know when my next update will be, probably when the divorce papers are filed or if we have to go to court to push them through. I will try to keep my head up, but it feels like I'm in a whirlwind or something with so many things to do and think about. I kinda thought it would be easier once I got out of the house but while the fear is smaller, somehow the number of tasks only seems to have grown.
Update 4 May 14, 2024
Sorry I haven't updated for a while, things got hectic and a bit chaotic honestly. Firstly, I'm working on getting an apartment still and have applications in at three different places and will hopefully hear back from them soon. I'm still going into work here at the new location, so I don't have to worry about burning through my emergency savings completely. I've gotten a lot of emails from Alex, his family and our old friend group asking question after question. I have only sent one return email to Alex, explaining that I don't believe we are truly compatible, and it is best we separate now. That his treatment of me when I'd done nothing to deserve as such was just as much of a deal breaker as cheating was for him.
I ended the email with the statement that I would not be contacting him further and anything else he needed to pass on to me or vice versa would be done through my lawyer. For his family and friends, I just typed up one email outlining everything that had happened and why I left. I told them I wished them no ill will, but that such treatment of his wife and partner was not acceptable. That should Alex get remarried in the future, I wished they would help support both partners and not just Alex.
Alex, from what my lawyer told me, was livid when he was served. The sheriff actually ended up booking him for assault on an officer and menacing due to the threats he was shouting. His father bailed him out in a few hours, but with the testimony of the sheriff, my lawyer believes I have a very good chance at getting a restraining order. Alex, upon returning to the house, apparently lost his temper again, breaking the dining table into pieces as well as the tv, and putting several holes in the walls. At least that's what one of the emails from one of our friends reported as Alex called him to help him clean up the mess.
My lawyer already has pictures of the house I took, with timestamps as evidence nothing had been damaged by me. My friend reported that Alex tried to claim I'd been the one to trash the house but the holes in the wall were at head height - Alex is 6'3", and I'm 5'4" so he knew that was false. Either way, taking the pictures definitely will help me so again thank you everyone here for the advice because I never would have thought of that on my own. My work won't share details of where I am, as I do work with some higher end clientele who value security and that information won't be gossiped about and no, I'm not some stripper or escort. I deal with contracts, notary and business management. As such, even if Alex tried to use my work to find me, he wouldn't succeed.

NEW UPDATE

Update on leaving May 26, 2024
It’s been a little bit, and I thought I’d answer some questions before giving my update. It may be a while after this until things change.
Firstly, No I didn’t bring my car. The public transport here is good enough to use without needing one. I have secured an apartment, and the building has good security. You need a key card to enter, and there is a security guard at a desk right by the entrance to the building. As part of my contract, I gave them a photo of Alex and his family so that even in the off chance they do find me, they won’t be let in.
The responses I got from the emails varied. His family said I was overreacting, and that I owe Alex an apology for the problems this has caused him. The pending criminal charges puts him at risk of losing his job if he’s convicted. Alex sent a long email, apologizing and pleading for me to come home. He said he was worried for me, that he is willing to go to therapy if it will appease me. He wants us to remain together, and he didn’t think leaving was an appropriate response to his genuine concern and worry for my health and safety. The friends gave somewhat lacking replies, saying that they didn’t think Alex was ever going to hurt me and that I shouldn’t be letting my imagination run away wild. As much as I want to say I was surprised by the lack of support, I’m honestly not.
He intends to fight the divorce. I am letting my lawyer handle it, and I am also pursuing a protective order as well. Once I got approved for my apartment, I also froze my credit. I’ve changed my phone carrier and number, as well as making sure none of my documents list Alex as next of kin or POA.
Some have asked why I was so paranoid about Alex and his possible future actions. The answer for that actually is somewhat simple – my grandmother. I loved that woman to bits. As a teen, she explained why my grandfather was never around. He was extremely abusive and manipulative, and her generation didn’t allow divorce really. She wouldn’t have been able to buy a house or get a good enough job to support her and my mother on her own. As such, she endured it, shielded my mom as she could until my grandfather died. When I felt like I may have been overreacting, I remembered how she’d said she’d always wished she’d been able to see grandfather for what he was early on when she may have been able to annul the marriage.
I don’t know when I’ll update again, maybe when the divorce goes through or if something big happens but until then, I’m just trying to keep my head above the water.
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I (19F) and my bf (20M) have been together for 3 months. He always plays this one game and at first it wasn't bad until I felt he started choosing the game over me.
When he plays, he's always on discord with his friends. We're long distance right now and so I don't expect him to call me all the time but when he does, I ask can we have quality time but instead he plays this game and talks to his friends. I'll be talking and mid sentence he interrupts me to talk about this game to his friends.
A week ago, I was trying to tell him how I felt about it and he wasn't listening at all because he was too focused on the game. When I told him he told me that he didn't see a problem and that I couldn't just let him be happy or that I won't accept that he's having fun without me and that all I do is complain when he is playing and I should just let him have this one thing. That really hurt my feelings because I give up a lot of him. I stopped talking to some of my friends for him (which is do regret so pls don't make me feel bad about that) and a lot of other things.
He was talking to his friends a few days ago when he called me and so I asked him to get off the game for a few and he did for about 10 minutes. During the call with him, I asked how did his friends feel about me and he said that he would just ask. I said that I didn't want them to know that I was on call with him and he said okay. For context, he has on his airpods and his gaming headphones so I can hear when they talk. But anyways, he asked and they said that I wasn't worth it and that I should just be a good girlfriend and let him enjoy the game and other things like that and the entire time they were laughing and he was laughing right along with them.
So yesterday, I was talking to him and we tried to come up with compromises and he still couldn't put his controller down long enough to listen to what I had to say. Today, we were talking and he wanted to show me something and suggested that I just get added to the discord with him and his friends and I said no just screen share and he said no i'll add you. So while he was screen sharing, he asked his leader could I join and he said no because I was just going to start problems like I always do and that i'm just gonna be mad because I set them up and didn't like their answers. I asked him what did his leader mean by that and he said that he told all his friends that I was on the phone with him when he asked. I felt kind of betrayed because I asked him not to say anything.
Also when we were talking about compromises for when he plays, I told him that we can just talk when he's not playing. He said he doesn't want to do that because he wants to talk to me while he plays. I told him that wasn't fair to me and when I asked him to come up with some compromises he just says that he wants to talk to me while he plays.
I don't know if I'm the asshole because I feel bad but I'm not sure. Please people of Reddit, help me.
Edit: The title is kind of false.. I don't want him to stop playing completely because I know he likes it but I just want to talk when we can because long distance is already hard enough.
Another Edit: Should I give him another chance? Should we try to talk it out or am I just being dumb and naive?

Please be kind as this whole situation has me kinda anxious. I feel like there's no right answer on what to do.
Minor TW for mention of SA but its not significant to the whole post.
TLDR- My ex from almost 10 years ago has been secretly stalking my Instagram account for just under 2 years. The situation gives me the ick but I also don't care enough to take the time to block him. Especially as I feel his behavior doesn't deserve my attention or acknowledgement and could just lead to bigger problems i dont need. How ever, the girls girl in me feels bad for his wife because I know she would not be happy to find this out. I wouldn't be happy if my fiance did this. Am I the asshole for not making a bigger deal out of this. For not confronting/blocking him or telling his wife.
Here's more details. The long version with the back story.
My (28F now 17/18F at time of relationship) ex fiance (21/22M At time of relationship) has been stalking me on Instagram. Our relationship started when I was a junior in High School at a local Votech. He was my shop teachers son who was paying for and taking classes as an adult for another shop along side the high school students. A special opportunity that he was presented because of his parents employment at the school. That's how we met and started dating in like April of 2013.
He was extremely toxic in our relationship (I'm not saying I'm perfect). He would constantly try to make me jealous. First by saying a girl in the shop class he was taking was constantly flirting with him. Later by telling me while working at his job (gas station convince store) women gave him their number. Even one time trying to tell me some woman messaged him asking to sleep with him. I told him it sounded like an ad from a porn site and he got extremely offended and tried to convince me it wasn't an ad but that a real woman was trying to get him to come sleep with her. Basically the whole "other women want me. You should feel lucky I only want you" behavior BS. He also refused to let me have friends. He would start fights with me almost every time I was with a friend. I'm bisexual so he assumed I would cheat on him with my girl friends. None of my friends liked him because of this.
But I was naive and thought I was in love. He proposed to me on Valentines Day 2014. I turned 18 and graduated a few months later before going to college in August 2 hours away. Things got worse between him fighting with me all the time about him being paranoid I'd cheat on him. Then him taking 2 months before visiting me only to say he was coming up for the weekend then actually only come up to visit for 2.5 hours, fuck me, eat a donut, and then decide to leave and go home. Long story short we broke up at the end of October after some toxic shit.
I quickly moved on because of some homophobic shit he said to a friend of mine causing me to lose any love or respect I had for him. His SIL messaged me after we broke up to tell me how horrible I was for breaking his heart. He had told his family we broke up because I had "cheated on him with a female and decided I'm a lesbian." I promptly told her he lied and told her what really happened including screenshots. I thought that was the end of everything. Deleted everyones number and moved on. November came and went and in December I met a different guy we can call Matt and we started dating.
After 6 months of dating Matt, my exs SIL messaged me cussing me out, insulting and threatening me. Telling me he found someone much prettier and better than me (her cousin who we had actually met at her wedding to his brother). She claimed my ex said I had been texting him gloating about my new relationship and sending him photos of Matt and I. I explained I hadn't texted my ex since the day we broke up in October and lost his number with in the same week. It was not me trying to text him. But I was genuinely concerned and wanted to know who did since I didn't want or need unnecessary drama. I offered to help find out who was doing this (though my suspicion told me it was him using a text app on his iPod Touch to text himself and the photo that was sent was one of my public FB Profile pictures since as I said above he tried similar to make me jealous before when I was his GF so it would not shock me if he did it to the new girl too). Unsurprisingly when I asked for the number that texted him this stuff he conveniently deleted it and didn't know the number. But I was told if they texted again the SIL would tell me the number. They never texted again. That was in 2015. I hadn't thought about them since.
Until this past December 2023.
I was on Instagram looking through stories. Instagram showed me a "People you may know" story with a few accounts it thought I may want to follow. The first one showed my Exs account, his picture of him and his wife (the SILs Cousin). This weirded me out because we've been broken up for 9 years at this point. We don't have mutual friends or social circles. He shouldn't be in my "people you may know". But then I saw it specifically said "Follow BACK" indicating he was following me. Which is why it showed me his account. I was so confused because I would have noticed if my ex had shown up in my notifications.
I went to his profile and I actually did recognize the username. And was able to check when he had followed me. He followed me in August of 2022. But he didn't have a PFP or any post then. I didn't realize it was my ex because even though the username included his first name it had been so long that I didn't even think it was him. The only reason why I remembered the account even following me is because it includes his middle name (that I forgot was his middle name at this time) and that middle name is the same first name as the man who assaulted me in 2017. So I was afraid the account was my rapists Instagram but realized I was being paranoid and that he was still in jail at that time so it couldn't have been him. A lot of random accounts follow me on Instagram because my account is public.
Anyway, he followed me in August of 2022 and never had a PFP or any post until November of 2023 which is why I had no idea he was following me and why he showed up in December as someone I may know (because he was active on Instagram then and recently made his first post). I know he sees my post because he only follows 9 accounts, me, a few shops, and model accounts.
What had me the most weirded out by this is that in the 9 years we were broken up I never saw him or ran into him. But in the time between August 22 and November 23, he showed up at the mall at the same time as me. More than likely a coincidence. But it was still weird. I considered blocking him but both my fiance and best friend told me not to worry about it unless he does keep showing up places. Because otherwise I'm just giving him a response to his behavior and he isn't worth that.
Some may say not blocking him means I'm trying to rub my relationship and family (I have a toddler and another baby on the way and I'm getting married this year too) in his face. But I'm not forcing him to look. I'm not posting anything with him in mind. And it's not my responsibility to help him move on. If he wants to look through my photos, as long as it doesn't actually affect or hurt me, I honestly could care less.
So I let it go. And honestly forgot about it until this week. While driving to my OB appointment I got a notification that my Exs account liked one of my photos on Instagram. When I saw this later at my appointment I did take a screenshot and then clicked the notification to see what it was. This wasn't a recent photo. It was a photo from 2015. Instagram showed he had unliked it, indicating he didn't mean to and was probably hoping I wouldn't see that he did in the first place. But what was weird to me about this was that he had to scroll through over 1,000 photos on my Instagram to get to and accidentally like this one from 9 years ago. So like this wasn't a casual just keeping tabs on how my ex is doing these days. He was scrolling through over 1,000 photos I've posted.
I once again considered blocking him but my friend made a good point that he followed me undetected before for over a year. He could make a new account and follow me again undetected. At least right now I am able to document anything that happens incase things were to escalate. And that not warranting the behavior with acknowledgement or a response is best. As it's highly unlikely this will go beyond him looking at my Instagram. I didn't post i was going to the mall the two times he was also there. And I don't share my location on any other social media apps. So it truly was more than likely a weird coincidence. So I'm just documenting everything incase it does escalate OR incase he tries something again like mentioned above and I get threatening messages from his family.
This is the part that's eating me up. His wife knows who I am. As I said I met her when his brother and her cousin got married. We were both in her bridal party. She's had me blocked on Facebook since the situation were her cousin messaged me about someone texting him thinking it was me. She was also with him at the mall the second time he was coincidentally there and she definitely saw me which was in itself an embarrassing encounter (because I had just bought my fiance a father's day gift but they couldn't remove the security tag from it so as I exited the store the alarm sounds like I'm robbing the place armed and they were in the food court right by the entrance and all this attention was on me, I went back to the counter but they told me they couldnt remove the tag so I had to let the alarm go off as I leave and it will turn off after a moment). I heard her even say "isn't that [my name]?" Anyway, I know she probably would not be happy to know he's following me. I looked her up on Instagram, she doesn't post often but most recently posted on Valentines Day about their 5 year wedding anniversary. But I don't think she knows he has an Instagram. She only follows a few accounts, including her cousin mentioned above. But neither of them follow her husband, my ex. And he doesn't follow any of them either.
Idk, maybe it's just me. But I would be livid to find out my fiance/husband had an Instagram where he didn't follow me but did follow his ex. I honestly feel bad for her because I know it would hurt me. But I also don't know if she truly has no idea. I asked my friend if I should say something to her but my friend said I'd just be opening myself up to unnecessary drama and stirring a pot that doesn't need to be stirred. Unless things escalate. That it would be wrong to potentially cause issues in their relationships over what could be innocent curiosity.
Idk. Maybe I'm over thinking things as I am hormonal as I'm 7 months pregnant. But I feel bad not telling her. And I also don't want to block him because at least now I know and can be aware of what's happening. Since he doesn't know I know at this time. I guess it's important to mention I have diagnosed ptsd from multiple things including abusive partners and had an ex stalk me previously. So being able to document things makes me feel calm and more in control of the situation. As finding out he was following me unnoticed for over a year was extremely triggering and as I said before blocking him could result in him just making another fake account.

Hi!
I currently work as an engineer at one of the largest general contracting company in the Philippines (AAAA PCAB license). This is my first job tapos hindi pa bayad 'yung OT. Our project is a high-rise building and I am assigned to supervise a certain trade. Sobrang daming subcontractors ng project na 'to every floor iba-iba. So, I have to talk to a lot of people and supervise them. Actually, okay naman 'yung work and I want to stay pa sana, but my problem is the department that I belong to and other departments (especially 'yung head ng QA/QC Department) expect me to perform like an experienced staff. They want me to know all the things that are happening in my trade even the things that do not occur in my assigned area basta sa trade ko lang din siya nagfafall. Lagi nila akong tinitira sa briefing kahit na hindi naman talaga dapat kami naattend don kasi for QA/QC sya and operations kami. Na-attend na lang din ako kasi gusto kong matuto.
Palagi akong nasisigawan and may mga times na nagtatanong ako para matuto sa senior ko kaso hindi naman ako sinasagot. Lagi na lang sinasabe sa akin na maging curious ako para matutunan ko lahat and ask questions. Pero yun nga, iniignore lang naman ako and I need to repeat my self a couple of times so that I could the answer I needed to continue with the task. I am expecting sana a mentorship or at least a training for a month but wala akong nareceive na ganon. Instead, I need to ask to a lot of people kahit mga subcon pa para lang matuto ako. If hindi ako mag-ask, pababayaan lang nila ako and mapapagalitan na naman ako bakit hindi ko alam 'yung nangyayari. Additionally, hindi rin nila ako inaassignan ng tasks, so hindi ko talaga alam minsan ang gagawin.
I am thinking of resigning na and I started to send my resume to other companies. I don't think na kaya ko pa maghintay since I feel that I am stagnating due to the lack of guidance and training. Gusto ko lang malaman if valid ba yung reason ko? I want to learn kasi and become a top performer. I'm trying my best to be knowledgable but I need to know all the stuff by myself. Self-study na nga, na-iignore pa lagi kaya laging nadedelay yung trabaho.
I don't know if valid yung reason ko to leave the company and if magiging red flag ba ito sa mga future employers ko. As much as I would like to stay pero I think I am just wasting my time here. Gusto ko sana mamaximize 'yung early career koo lalo na't ganado pa akong matuto at ma-improve yung sarili ko. I NEED YOUR ADVISE! :(

(and also how my teachers and friends saved my ass so many times🫶)
TL;DR at the end
NOTE: this is purely my own personal experience
to provide some bg info, in sec 1 i managed to barely sneak into an ip sec sch with one of the lowest cut off points - my psle score was literally 1 above the cop. by upper sec, i was failing all my subjects consistently (save for english) due to a slew of family problems and resultant mental health issues. i SHOULD have been retained in sec sch or forced to transfer to the o-level track bc i didn’t meet the promotion criteria to the affiliated jc, but my teachers chose to turn a blind eye and let me go on anyway. i was such a hopeless student (chronic absenteeism and outbursts) but in hindsight, i’m still grateful they made this concession for me because had i taken the o-levels, i probably wouldn’t have been able to go anywhere
in jc1 (2021), i never watched any lectures or did any tutorials. i was still just as hopeless as ever. anyone could tell i was still mentally unstable, still having family issues and that acads took a backseat in my mind. i didn’t have good relations with my teachers since i was such an unmotivated student. my support networks were non-existent (my closest friends were also struggling anyway). so it was not much surprise when by the end of the academic year, i had scored a measly 8.75rp (B in GP and U for everything else). still, instead of being directly retained, i was still given the chance to sit for some provisional advancement exams but ofc i failed da sht outta those anyway and actually got retained.
i think retaining made something click in my mind. despite all the past years of getting away with shit grades and not caring about school, i never truly suffered any “true” consequences since concessions were always made for me. but getting retained was now a tangible consequence i had to face. also, being placed into a new batch without the same faces from the past 5 years also helped me care less about people’s opinions and i could truly focus on myself. that said, i’m really grateful that it was in my jc that i retained. not sure how the support for retainees in other jcs are like, but i was put into a structured programme for retainees at the start of the year where we got to attend enrichment activities and head start lessons. also we were assigned to teachers that we could turn to for support :)
my family problems still persisted, sure, and school was still a scary place for me, but less than it had ever been. because i didn’t have pw or mt to worry about anymore, i also had a lot more free time in school. my friends who promoted shared lesson materials and answer keys with me, and also offered to teach me sometimes, which made getting through tutorials so much easier bc whenever i got stuck i knew i had help.
talking about external help, it really defined my retainee journey. i am immensely grateful to my friends and teachers who pushed me along. i was a pw slacker and i still got an A anyway bc my group mates carried… it’s something i still feel guilty about and i definitely didn’t deserve that A. i’m still friends with my pw mates till this day which im really grateful for. in my second jc1 year, because i actually started putting effort into my studies, it became much easier to build a rapport with my new teachers. moreover i think they had to keep an eye on me anyway since i was a retainee lol but i was able to form close relationships with them and they became an integral part of my support network as well :’)
in jc1 (2022) myes, i went into the exams with low expectations - maybe straight Ds and I would’ve been happy. i ended up scoring As for all my subjects except a B in one, which were completely unexpected since i only ever saw Us on my report slips. this kickstarted a “virtuous cycle” for me and i began to take pride in my academics. by the end of my second jc1 year, i had attained a perfect score in my second round of promotional examinations!! my friends and teachers were all really proud of me and i was really happy at that point in time :)
i also began to get more opportunities in school, like leadership positions and the chance to participate in competitions or lead events since i finally had my sht together. these all helped me with my portfolio building as well :’)
around a levels period, smth rly disruptive happened at home and i thought that perhaps the past 2 years of work would come crashing down. it was hard to study at home w everything that was going on. i left every paper unconfident. at that point, i was aiming for a pretty competitive uni course which was kind of unrealistic since i was a retainee, but i dared to dream big and since i had finally pulled myself together i thought that there was no harm in trying. however i thought my a levels score wouldn’t end up making the cut since i felt like my papers all went rly badly ;-;
for the 3 months between my last paper and a level results release, i avoided thinking about my score as much as possible. i kept all my notes and tutorials in case i ended up having to retake my a levels. on the day itself, i didn’t even show up to school to collect my results in person as i was so convinced that i had done badly and that i would end up crying in front of my classmates and teachers. in fact i even waited until the next day to open my results online. but lo and behold, i had attained a perfect score. i was so elated that i could actually apply for the course i wanted :’)
fast forward through the months, i submitted my applications and personal statements + portfolio and my teachers’ referee reports, received my interview invites, went for them, and then received my acceptances from the two local universities offering the degree i wanted. :’) everything truly worked out the best way they could have.
and that’s why, in retrospect, retaining was truly the best thing that could have happened to me. i don’t think it’d be far-fetched to say that it literally changed the trajectory of my life. i learned how to have a proper work ethic, took away a strong support network of friends and teachers, and honed important skills like leadership. i still cringe when i think about how much of a problem student i used to be, but it was only because i let things ever get that bad that now i know how important it is to stay on track.
i’m really grateful that as much as retaining is a taboo subject in jc, that i wasn’t discriminated against for having been a retainee. it might seem weird and like im making “retainee” my whole brand, but it was truly a turning point in my life and i wear it like a badge of honour almost.
i’m now excitedly waiting for uni to start in august. ٩( ᐛ )و
TL;DR: retaining helped me gain a proper work ethic and form a strong support network. my mental health also improved by leaps and bounds. i ended up scoring well at the a levels and was accepted into my desired uni course. so quite literally, retaining changed the trajectory of my life for the better🫶

I had a 3 Pro, just upgraded to a 4 Pro. I use Orca Slicer on Mac. However there seems to be a problem with the presets in the software because they seem to be all wrong.... I never had to worry about speed settings on my previous printer - it just worked.
The new printer is so fast it scares me. The quality of the parts now suck, and the vibration/jerk tells me 100% I need to slow it down as it is running 1000% speed.
What speeds should the Neptune 4 Pro be using to print high quality parts using PLA / PLA+ ? I have googled this and not found any answers that I truely like... I'm currently downloading a slicer on my PC just to see the N4Pro presets on there and copy them to my OrcaSlicer software as a custom preset...
Any advice on proper speed settings appreciated!

Hello, I'm sorry if this is obvious and if the answer just flew over my head but I just wanted to know, why is Titan and the other moon upset that the planets treat them like children? In Solarballs isn't it implied that the moons are lowkey the planets' children? Like how the Sun's children is the planets? Isn't the planets treating the moons like children...normal? In some way. Like, there's still some parents who sometimes treat their teenagegrown adult child like children a bit. And ngl, the only problem for me about Saturn and Jupiter is they have favoritism and they can't memorize all their Moons names.
Like in "What if the planets were ordered by size? Part 2" The Sun said "Aww, you all have grown up so much after this experience" and made them repeat "I must always stay in my orbit" like a parent after teaching their child a lesson.
Same goes to Mars, In "What if the moon went away? He said to The Moon (Luna) "Go over there where Phobos and Demos are orbiting" which is literally just a rewording of (in human terms) "Go over there where Phobos and Demos are PLAYING"
And in "The moons of Neptune" he said "Well, I am happy you're sticking together and making new friends!!" and on "The Moon Club Part 1" he says "Go have fun with your friends, and take care of the little ones while your at it" Which is so very cool, chill, fun, laidback dad of him.
So, why doesn't Phobos, Demos, The moons of Neptune, and The Planets get upset about it?
Those are the only examples I will give for now. I know I've stated the obvious but those exact examples got me wondering last night? What is Titan and the other moons so upset about? Okay, this is starting to sound like I'm trying to prove a point and like I'm saying they shouldn't get mad at the planets. But I'm not. I promise, I'm genuinely curious. I have nothing against the moons and the moon revolution didn't just fly over my head (it kinda did ngl, my brain was too deep fried when I watched that 2hr+ video.. but i promise i lowkey got their point!!) Anyways, sorry if it's super long and thank you very much for the ones who will answer!!!
Dang, this is so all over the place. My brain really is deep fried. 🕳️🚶‍♀️