Birthday present for my 28-year-old daughter

The other day my partner and I were hanging out, as they are wont to do, and later in the evening I had to be at an art opening of a good friend of mine. We were both tired after a long day but I felt it my duty as a friend to go (I didn't not want to go, but it would have been a 3 hour drive to and from) and I wanted to support them. I am an artist as well, and openings are often overwhelming and kind of a drag, a sentiment my partner and I are both share, but this was one I felt I needed to go to, and I made mention of that a multiple days prior to my partner. I knew her agreement to go was reluctant, given her tepid response, so I told her "you're not obligated to go so don't feel like you should". She remained steadfast in her decision. Come the day, and I told her again, you really don't have to come but she got ready and was willing to tag along, basically to commiserate, but then she got a text from another friend of hers, a guy whom I've only met once, and I like well enough from what little I know, and hes her only friend out where she lives, Inviting her to a child's birthday party, and while I'm getting to my car I hear her audibly moan, and I ask her whats up, to which she tells me that this friend asked if she wanted to come to this party. For context, this party was like one of those cool adults with kids party, they had a DJ and all in an odd setting, in reality the makings of a could be fun, could be annoying situation. She had mentioned he texted her about this party earlier in the day and thought it would've been cool to go. Seeing how obviously she wanted to go to that party, I told her again, "You really don't have to go to this opening, if you want to go to this party you can.". She told me she wanted to come for support, considering how annoying openings can be, but really wanted to go to this party, and said she would rather go with me, but with an obvious tone of ambivalence. It was glaringly clear she wanted to go to that party, and while I would've enjoyed her company, I felt I'd rather her have fun that subject her to a potentially draining social affair, so I told her I wouldn't be mad if she went to the party. The sort of classic partner conundrum it felt like. I was convicted in my feeling of her doing her thing and I would just go and come back without her, and so that decision was made. She was to go to the party, and I would go to the opening. She asked me if I was fine with that decision and I told her yes, but I felt a little dismayed, and I knew my voice and face betrayed me from presenting otherwise. We parted ways and on the drive I gradually felt more and more bothered by her choosing to go to the children's party. I started over thinking a bunch of things, which felt more like anxious conclusions than logical reasoning, but I continued to get more and more upset that she chose that odd event than going to this opening with me. we haven't seen each other much lately due to the nature of her job, so I figured if I were in her position I would've gone to the opening regardless, but that's just me. either way, as I kept driving, I decided I would curb my social anxiety and just make it a good time no matter what, and yet I continued to get more and more upset by her decision. I think it stems from some deeper feeling about her relationship with this friend and choosing that over an event we both tend to loathe, and I did implore her to stay and have a better chance at a more entertaining evening. But I know in my heart of hearts I wished she would've come along with me, but I'm upset for not being more honest about it. Ultimately I ended up having a really lovely time with friends at the opening and at the after party but I wished my partner had come, and now I feel like a dick head being upset at her decision. I guess I just would like to get the temperature of how irrational I am probably being.

AITA for being upset that my friend didn’t get me a bday present
We got in a fight for a year , I didn’t wish her happy birthday during that year . It started with her not putting any effort into talking to me and I was always texting her first and once i stopped putting in effort to see if she would initiate conversations it took her a month to even realize that we stopped talking . Normally , I would always stay up late to wish her happy birthday and I would get her something.
We recently became friends again and I forgave her for the past . Later I found out that she kind of switched up the story of why we’re not friends anymore and shit talked me to all her friends and to this day her friends still shit talk me and she’ll watch them do it but she won’t defend me. I still got her something for her birthday and stayed up until 12 am to wish her .
Today was my bday and she sent me this message about how she’s happy that we’re friends again but she didn’t offer to get me anything back or even ask me what I wanted. She didn’t even have to get me anything just something small or even just a card would’ve been nice . But no nothing . I don’t want to have to feel like I’m watering a dead plant all over again .

I (f) just turned 17 today and my entire family is mad at me for spending the day with my bf 17(m). For some context I’ve never had a good birthday. I would always get in trouble the week of and before because my mom is irritable and I would never earn a good birthday. Celebrations would always happen without me or what I would get would be a card or a cake with foreign languages on it with mean comments. For my 15 she got a cake and in blue icing in Spanish she wrote do better and then put me on punishment for confronting her. She kicked me out a year ago to be with her boyfriend and my 9(m) brother her “perfect family” that don’t include me so I’m living with my grandma 65 and aunt 39. They don’t like my mom’s take to my birthday and how I have to earn it and how my brother always has what he wants but I can’t even be present. I’m sorry to sound like a brat but 17 years of resentment adds up. My grandmother and aunt have been preaching about how this birthday will be MY day but the allure of birthdays aren’t even there anymore for me. I got a bf almost 9 months ago and he’s been saying the entire time how for my birthday he’s going to go all out he asked them every month is he can take me out my birthday and they always say yes. I have always had restrictions put on me and they just got worse when me and him got together. I have to turn my phone in every night she checks if I’m otp with him so I can’t be and I haven’t seen him outside of school since his birthday five months ago. I ask and I get random excuses every time when they tell me no. My mom was the one who suggested that I spend my birthday with my bf and when my aunt and grandma were like yes ofc you can they were even saying that can be your birthday gift. I hadn’t asked much for my birthday everything I wanted had been turned down and so what I asked for I made sure I could get when I get told no. All I wanted to do was roller skate and get a cheap hello kitty Stanley dupe off Etsy since they said I could pick a place to go. When today rolled around and they dropped me off at his house since they also haven’t allowed me to learn to drive or get a permit I had fun at his house. He taught me madden even though it made him mad we made cookies and he took me to get chipotle. He got me a bunch of hello kitty gifts and got me a personal strawberry shortcake which is my favorite. I didn’t ask for what he did all I wanted was to play video games and get a cuddle in before I can’t see him for I don’t even know how long. I got home and everyone was mad at me my brother if visiting for the week and even he put his iPad down long enough to mean mug me . My grandmother explained to me that everyone was mad because I chose to spend my birthday with my bf. My brother honestly didn’t even know it was my birthday he asked if it was true. I asked her what she meant and she said how I had chosen my bf over spending time with them. How they had an elaborate day planned out and I didn’t want to. I tried telling her that wasn’t it I would’ve been fine with seeing him tomorrow or even a few hours but they gave me the whole day so I took it and then she said well we feel like you chose someone else over your family when you were supposed to choose us you owe this day. I was asking why they didn’t say no or give me an option or we could’ve compromise d and she said no I was supposed to choose them and be with them but now they know where my loyalties lie. When I went to my room my brother came in and asked why I didn’t choose them and I told him I’ll talk to him later so I wouldn’t get mad towards him. I’m still confused and very mad and hurt by all this but I took an opportunity when it was handed to me so am I the a hole?

I (47M) have a complicated relationship with my stepmother (68F). She has been significant in my life since I was 10, and while I appreciate the role she played in my early years, our relationship has become increasingly strained. She nurtures grievances and brings them up repeatedly; believes her memory is infallible, but her stories change over time, generally to my detriment. My father (73M) enables her and won’t stand up for me.
Trigger:
Mother's Day this year was challenging. I had flown into NZ from Melbourne early Sunday morning to join my partner (43F) and her family to celebrate her grandmother’s 90th birthday. The day was hectic and stressful. By the time I woke up, my partner and her daughter (11) had finished their Mother’s Day activities. We were rushing to pack the car with my belongings and leave. My partner’s daughter had extended meltdowns during the 7-hour drive home. With everything going on, I forgot about Mother's day and did not call my stepmother (or my mother).
The Argument:
A few days later, I called my Dad to prepare for our regular video call with my Dad, stepmother, and sister. He mentioned that my stepmother was out and told me to call back later. I suggested I just video chat with him and my sister at that time, but he hesitated, eventually firming his mind and telling me to call later when my stepmother was home because she wanted to check something with me.
I called them a few hours later while I was driving. During the call, when I asked about how my stepmother was, she launched a passive-aggressive attack, saying, “How do you think I feel?” It took me a few moments to work out that she assumed I had been around Mother’s Day celebrations in New Zealand and ignored her in Australia. My stepmother then brought up a supposedly forgotten birthday from over ten years ago, recounting details that I have no knowledge of.
In a moment of frustration, I challenged her Christian beliefs by pointing out that she wasn’t being very forgiving. Seriously, I had tried to apologise, but it felt like I had to relive all of her hurt in this process. I’m not particularly proud of this, but I was furious and lashed out during this attack.

After the call, I responded to my Dad’s text: Ok to phone now. I don't think it was ok to phone, Dad. I know it's not your fault that I forgot Mother's Day, but that was an ambush.
No. Not ambush. You need to be able to discuss the impact of your action/inaction on those who love you. You hurt her!
I spoke to you this afternoon, and you gave me no indication of this. That was an ambush, and I found it very hurtful also. Maybe you didn't mean it, but that's how it feels.

TLDR
My stepmother was hurt by me not calling on Mother’s Day. I feel she used the situation to attack me without any empathy. Her rehashing of past grievances makes it hard to move forward. In a moment of frustration, I pointed out her lack of forgiveness isn’t Christian. AITA?

During covid, we were all locked down, as I'm sure we all remember. My spouse turned to social medias for entertainment when we were stuck at home and couldn't work. That's perfectly fine tbh. After a while I just remember she started using TikTok so so so heavily that it was almost constant.
I let it slide for a long time because we were limited in what we could do anyways. Fast forward to the beginning of 2022. I finally confronted my wife about using TikTok and social media literally every free second she had. I told her that it felt like we weren't getting any interaction and I wasn't getting what I needed from her. I even discovered that the frame of the TikTok app was BURNED into the screen of her phone (the frame like where the home button, add video button and all that is at the bottom of the screen). That screen burn was a sign and she took it seriously at first. She even deleted TikTok and never used it again because she saw how bad it was. She continued to use Facebook and Instagram though. That didn't really bother me though. She has said countless times that she needs social media to decompress after a long day and to just scroll mindlessly.
In 2023 we noticed screen times were inhibiting bonding with one another. I'm guilty too, but it was more reddit and phone games for me. So to compromise, we bought stuff to do together that wasn't screens. We bought lego sets, diamond paintings, coloring books, and other basic craft stuff. I even bought her a Kindle as a birthday present to read instead of scroll on her phone. For about a year it was great. We spent a lot of quality time together face to face.
We are caught up to now. I noticed that every single second she's not actively engaged in something she's using Instagram reels as a new type of TikTok. She's doing the same thing she was doing during covid, only I think she's doing it more now. I hate it because our work schedules sometimes conflict and we only get to see each other a few hours a day sometimes. It sucks when she just sits on the phone during those time. Especially when she's been able to be off for hours and hours before I get home and she scrolls then too.
I'm at a loss and it's pretty crushing. I'm not sure what to do because she's going to tell me again, it's what she does to decompress.

First / Previous
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Suzanne thought it was absolutely brilliant of me to put books on a flash drive for Sun. She explained that Sun wasn’t as sophant (her word, not mine) as she might seem, more of a repository of information, but she was fairly intelligent. It was how she was able to connect Andrew being in pain to the fact that I was friends with Andrew, and that I would want to know that he was in trouble. Apparently some of Sun’s species had given some ‘wisdom’ to others in the past and it had made its way into mythology.
The key fact was that she was not smart enough to protect herself and her kind from the clever, organized poachers. With that information in mind, it was fascinating for me to think of how Sun took in and organized what she learned. It was almost as if she was a walking, talking library.
On the topic of tours, my first one went wonderfully, and I’m almost hoping Suzanne lets me do more of them. I know not all the tourists are going to be as awesome as these people were, but Suzanne gave me a lot of slack when it comes to dealing with them. She actually said that being a smartass is not grounds for dismissal, and that if I’m sarcastic or facetious to guests who are being ‘daft’ and they complain, she really doesn’t care. Is this the perfect job for me or what?
There were four guests in this party, two adults who were sisters and two children of one of the women, brothers aged thirteen and seventeen. The tour was a birthday gift for the older of the boys from his aunt, since apparently he was passionate about animal protection and conservation.
When they arrived at the front gate, I was sitting at Andrew’s desk, going over the booklet of information one last time. When the visitors pressed the button that sounded the alert buzzer, I tucked away in a drawer and let them in. I did have a cheat sheet with information about the animals on my phone just in case, a brief notation of each of them and which enclosure they were in, but I really didn’t need to use it.
Exiting through the front door, I saw them walk up the path toward me. “Hi, I’m Ripley,” I said, holding out a hand toward the woman closest to me.
She shook it firmly. “I’m Denise. This is my sister Carla and my nephews, Wesley and Jason,” she said, motioning to each of them in turn.
“I heard it’s your birthday,” I said to Wesley, giving him a smile. “You’re interested in animal conversation?”
“Back where we live, yeah,” he said, nodding. “The animals that you’ve got here are incredible. I can’t wait to see them.”
“Well, I can’t wait to show them to you,” I said. “Right this way.”
I led them on the path around the building, toward enclosure one. Despite the horrific memories of the animal killing Stanley’s friends, I knew it was just an animal, and I had to push past my feelings on what had happened. Keeping a small smile on my face, I motioned to the enclosure. “Fiercely territorial and amazing hunters, despite their large size, they’re arboreal and known to dart from tree to tree with barely a sound. This is one of only about two thousand left in existence.”
“Two thousand, three hundred and fifty six at last count,” spoke Wesley, his eyes on the trees.
I blinked, surprised and impressed. “Well that was fantastic. Do you plan on stealing my job when you graduate?”
Wesley looked at me with a grin. “Nah, everyone knows Suzanne only offers humans this gig. And I want to help animals like this one get off the endangered species list. The zoos are great for awareness and fundraising, but then the money has to go somewhere. I want to be doing the real work.”
“That’s really great,” I told him. “I wish you all the best in that career path.” At that, we saw the animal climb down from the tree, wandering a few yards from the tree line. This was because 90% of the time, when humans were at their enclosure and making noise, whether it was speaking to each other or calling out to the animal, it was someone bringing them prey to eat. Or, in my case, enrichment toys to play with.
“Whoa,” Wesley whispered.
“How close can we get?” spoke up Jason.
“The warding starts at the fence,” I told him with a small gesture. “So, just there.”
Both boys wandered closer and I glanced at their parents. It seemed that Suzanne’s zoo had a serious reputation for high quality invisible walls, because they didn’t look worried in the slightest about the boys being hurt or killed.
“They prefer dense forest as their home and have been known to make their nests in trees up to twenty meter in the air,” I continued. “And when hunting, they’ve been seen dropping eight meters straight down. They have incredibly dense yet flexible musculature, which allows them to tackle their prey without injuring themselves.”
There was more information about the animal that I continued to rattle off, though Wesley chimed in at certain points with the info I was about to convey. That was highly entertaining and very cool. When I’d been in school, I’d never met anyone who had my level of passion about endangered animals. I wondered if things were better where these folks came from, but realized that considering there were so few of these animals left, I guessed not.
The animal paced a little bit, seemingly waiting to see if we were the kind of humans that came bearing food, before deciding we weren’t and climbing back up into the trees as easily as I would climb some stairs.
As we moved onto enclosure two, Jason spoke up. “Are there any animals here we can touch or feed or something?”
I sighed inwardly before slowing to a stop. “Well, can you show me your hands?” Jason looked bemused, holding out his hands. “I mean…they both look like they’re in great shape. You can stand to lose one.”
The two women chuckled and Wesley smirked as Jason shoved his hands into his pockets. “Very funny.”
Grinning, I started walking again. “The animals here are all carnivores and all predators. You get to see them, but that’s it.”
“Alright.”
When we reached enclosure two, I started on my next spiel. “We’ve got three reanimated dead in this enclosure,” I spoke. They were just coming out from the trees as we arrived, presumably having heard our approach. “Marissa, Connor, and Bradley. They were donated by families who knew where they would be exhibited. Their next of kin, whoever they are, can’t stand the idea of putting them down. But we need to make sure they don’t have access to corpses, because one of them plus one corpse equals two of them.”
“They eat flesh though, don’t they?” Wesley asked.
I nodded. “Oh, yeah, but it’s from bodies that have already been dismembered. There’s no chance of them being affected by the transformation because it’s all parts.”
“Oh, got it.”
The creatures with blueish-white skin had superhuman strength, which is why they qualified for the security of Suzanne’s zoo. They also were likely the source of any Earth tales of people being brought back to life as zombies, specifically draugr, according to my research. They smelled like rotting flesh, so even as I kept talking about them and giving a background to the people they used to be, we were quick to move on once Wesley had gotten a good, long look at them.
“Enclosure four’s animal is a vampiric spirit. He’s a small, hairy humanoid creature with pointed ears. He wears a hat, and if he somehow loses it, he freaks out,” I said.
“They eat horses,” Wesley noted. “Also anything that gives them the chance to sit on it, usually catching them by surprise while they’re sleeping.”
The creature came out from the brush, giving us a suspicious look. He wasn’t in his humanoid form though; for some reason, he’d chosen to shapeshift to a dog.
I nodded. “Yep, indeed. Once the prey is dead, then he’ll eat it, and he has a voracious appetite. We have two wolves and two bears in the forest, which is one of the reasons I’ve got some self-defense items,” I said, patting my belt where my pepper spray (rated for bear) and my taser. “But the wards keep them out of this area of the zoo, so it’s really not much of a worry. It’s also a known shapeshifter, preferring the form of a dog, as you can see, as well as a cat, a snake, or even white butterflies, though the last one is rare.”
“The white butterflies are supposed to be a sign of good luck,” Wesley said, glancing to me. “Too bad we got the dog.”
“Yeah, otherwise you might be able to talk your mom into getting scratch-offs on your way home, huh?”
Wesley smirked at me.
The next enclosure was Spike, and he was waiting for us, dripping wet from having just emerged from the lake. I gave the introductory information about him, which included his propensity for eating animal eyes, nails, and teeth. “Recently, I’ve given him some enrichment activities, and I learned he likes artichokes, pecans, and hazelnuts,” I said, taking a bag out from my cargo shorts. “Wesley, do you want to toss this bag into the enclosure?”
The boy’s eyes widened and he nodded excitedly. He took a look into the paper bag before wrapping down the top to make sure nothing would fly out. Then he chucked it underhand past the fence. It landed a few yards from Spike, who waddled over to it quickly and tearing the bag open, spilling out the prizes inside. As the animal ate the pecans and hazelnuts, Wesley asked, “How’d you figure out he likes those?”
“It’s not all about taste,” I told him. “It’s mainly the difficulty of getting them out of the shells. He’s used to having to work for the parts of his prey he likes the most, so this mimics that activity, and he enjoys the process. I tried a bunch of different foods to find a few he liked.”
“Cool,” Wesley murmured, staring at him.
We watched Spike eat until he’d finished and then he went back into the woods, leaving us to move onto enclosure five. Japanese camellia were plentiful here, a type of pink flower, and that was because they grew anywhere near one of his species made their den. “This girl spends most of her time in the lake also,” I said, as the creature made its way toward the fence separating us from it. “But as you can see, she’s just as curious as the rest about what we’re doing here and whether we have food for her. She eats fish mostly, but she also regularly gets live prey.”
This creature was a spider-like monster, having six legs with long claws on each, and the head of an ox with two sharp horns. She was capable of shapeshifting to look like a human, but I guessed that she wasn’t fond of it, since I hadn’t yet seen her in that form.
“She prefers the easy way of catching prey, so to speak, by hiding in the lake and pouncing when something comes for a drink of water,” I explained. “Apparently humans are some of her favorite prey. She has an advantage of being able to spit poison, which often hits her prey in the eyes. But it’s usually used in defense rather than offense, since it secretes a limited amount.”
“What kind of animal would even go after something like this?” Jason asked, staring at her.
“Never discount one of its own species when you’re thinking about what might attack an animal,” I replied. “There are places that are breeding all of the animals here, but competition for mates is common. That means an advantage in a fight, like poison or venom, can make or break who the winner is.”
“Ah, gotcha.”
“It can’t spit past the warding, right?” Carla suddenly asked.
“Oh, no,” I assured her. “We’re fine. The wards wouldn’t let anything cross over.” She nodded, appeased.
The animal in enclosure six was the ginormous seal-hippo, Fiona, and she was looking at us as if she was imagining sprinkling us with herbs and spices and stuffing us in an oven. “This girl is one animal I’m going to work on enrichment activities for next,” I told them. “She prefers to feed on crayfish, though she’s happy to eat any humans that wander into her territory. She’ll even make a sound like a baby crying to reel us in. I’ve heard it a bunch of times.”
“Can you get her to make the sound?” Jason asked, perking up.
I grinned. “Not on command, sorry.”
“What enrichment are you thinking of trying?” Wesley asked.
“Possibly food placed in puzzle feeders,” I told him, “since she has claws that are pretty dexterous. Maybe a piñata made out of newspaper with flour inside, or a scarecrow that mimics a human.”
“Awesome,” he muttered.
After a little more educational tidbits, we moved onto Yui’s enclosure. “What is that?” Wesley asked, smiling.
“I got Yui the closest thing I could to a ping-pong ball,” I replied. “She quite likes it.”
“That’s so funny,” he said as she came out of the trees in her spider form. “I mean, the idea of her being a bloodthirsty hunter who seduces men to their deaths and eats them alive, but then on the other hand, she likes playing with something like this.”
“It is a little funny,” I agreed. “But when it comes down to it, all the animals here enjoy activities besides hunting.”
“She can shapeshift to look human, right?” asked Jason, trying to be casual about knowing something factual like his nerdy brother.
I nodded. “She looks like a woman from a region of Earth called Japan. And she’ll use strategies like holding out a hand to shake to get you closer. She tried that on me when I first got here but, as you can see,” I said, holding up my hands and waving them, “I didn’t fall for it.”
The boys both laughed as they got closer to the fence, watching her slowly pace near the trees.
Next was Sun, but she didn’t make an appearance as I spoke about her species. “Well…unfortunately we can’t guarantee that every animal comes out to say hi,” I sighed. “But…oh wait, here she is.”
The green lion with several horns and many eyes along her flank came out from the forest. “Hello,” she spoke.
“Hi, Sun,” I replied. “We have visitors.”
“What’s that?” Wesley asked suddenly, pointing at the small plastic bag that was still where I’d left it.
“Oh! That is Sun’s enrichment,” I said with a smile. “I put dozens of books on a flash drive and found that she can read them just like she’d read a shelf of books.”
Wesley’s eyes widened. “Wow. I don’t think I’ve read about anyone trying that before. That’s really cool.”
“The books are new and interesting,” Sun spoke, drawing our attention. “I’m grateful for them.”
I nodded to her. “You’re quite welcome.”
The next animal, unfortunately, wasn’t there, and we waited around for ten minutes as we discussed him. He was large and reptile-like with red eyes, with its hind legs and tail making him look vaguely like a kangaroo. Then, enclosure ten was a terrifyingly disturbing creature, the not-a-centaur with no skin, that I’d only seen a few times while walking my route. It gave a good demonstration of its ferocity, showing its sharp teeth and snapping at us a few times.
“I’m thinking of trying salt licks and other horse enrichment like a big bouncy ball,” I told Wesley, whose eyebrows went up at that. “Maybe give him more things to forage like scattered grains or a box filled with pinecones and seeds. Foraging is a huge part of a horse’s life in the wild, and humans have to do a lot of activities like that to keep pet horses busy. Of course, he also loves the little salt-water lake that was built for him.”
We spent some time looking at the animal before moving past our last stop, the empty enclosure of the animal was stolen. Carla glanced at me with a sad smile, knowing what had happened, it seemed. I gave her a nod as we continued on our way, walking into the office. “So, I hope everyone enjoyed themselves!” I said with a smile.
“That was the coolest birthday present I’ve ever gotten,” Wesley said, looking to Denise. “Thanks so much, seriously.”
“It was my pleasure,” she said with a nod. “I’d never been here before, and knew I’d find it fascinating. Thank you for the educational aspect,” Denise said, glancing at me. “I learned quite a lot.”
“Happy to hear it,” I said, returning the nod.
As I escorted the guests out of the zoo and locked the door behind them, I reflected on how much I’d changed. The first time I’d seen Yui’s tarantula form, I’d nearly passed out from fear. Now here I was, walking tourists around like it was no big deal. Humans really can adapt to anything, it seems.
That afternoon, Suzanne had texted me that she was coming by after my shift, and I met her in Andrew’s office, shutting the door to the security room behind me. “How’s Andrew?” I asked first thing.
“He’s doing well,” she said with a wide smile. “Back on non-hospital food. He’s allowed to order food on his phone, and to hear it from him, that’s the best news he’d received in a long time.”
I chuckled. “I guess some clichés are true for a reason.”
“Indeed.” She took a breath. “All right. Ripley…I would like to discuss something with you.”
My face went slack at the serious tone in her voice. “I’m not… Am I being fired?”
“What? No!” she exclaimed. Then she chuckled softly. “No, it’s nothing like that. Just, here, let’s have a seat.” Suzanne walked over to the couch and sat at one end, and I took the other. “There’s something I need to tell you. Something I’ve kept from you, that I wanted to keep from you until you found your sea legs here.”
“Well…I have,” I said with a nod. “So, what is it?”
Suzanne took a breath. “I knew your mother.”
The words hung in the air for a moment before making their way to my ears. It was a perfectly logical sentence, and yet it didn’t make any sense. “What?” I finally managed.
“When you graduated college, I decided to move the zoo from Italy to within driving distance of your home,” she said softly. “Near enough to your town that you’d see the advert. We ignored any other applicants and I hoped you’d apply. Actually, I expected you’d apply. Not just for the money, but considering the field you wanted to go into. As soon as I’d found out your major, I knew.”
“Wait, wait, wait,” I said, holding up a hand. I pinched the bridge of my nose. “How do you know Patricia?”
“She owned the zoo before I did,” Susan explained. “Fourteen years ago…she was working to track an injured animal that we could bring into the zoo and she was killed by poachers.”
My heart calcified in my chest and a lump lodged in my throat. As my breaths became shaky, I stared at her in shock. “She…she’s really dead?”
“You suspected?” she asked softly.
“It…” I swallowed hard. “We had her declared legally dead after…I don’t know, seven years I think. My dad wanted to go after her for child support, but the police said…they said they couldn’t find…” Tears came to my eyes and I blinked them back before I met Suzanne’s gaze. “She owned the zoo?”
Suzanne nodded. “It was her baby, you’d say. When Patricia passed, I inherited it, which we’d discussed beforehand, a legal just-in-case that I never expected her to need. I’m under the impression that you were told she went to Africa for her photography career, but she was in fact going to remote areas back in my home world almost every time.”
“But I-I saw the photos,” I said, my eyes narrowing. “You’re telling me she put on a show of getting pictures that someone else took for us to see every time she visited? Did my dad even know?”
“I suppose that’s an accurate way to put it, putting on a show. And no, your father was never told. It’s not the way of things to tell humans unless it’s necessary. I won’t bore you with the details, but us and humans, we’re distant relatives, so we can still have children. But it wasn’t planned. Your mother fell in love with your father despite herself; she hadn’t meant to find love. Then she became pregnant with you and…well, the rest is history.”
“I think she had a different definition of love than the one I have,” I said tightly. “You’d think she’d have put her survival as more of a priority. Put being with the man she ‘loved’ as a priority. Her kids needed her. I needed her. She signed up when she became a mom. She could’ve screwed up all the time but she couldn’t even manage that one job: be there. When I was in the hospital, I kept thinking, ‘Where is she?’ and now you’re telling me that she put these animals above being there for her kids, and this whole time she’s been dead.”
“The hospital?” she asked, furrowing her brows.
“Never mind,” I said tersely, averting my gaze.
Suzanne hesitated before she nodded slowly. “I’m sorry for your loss, and not just for her death, Ripley,” she told me. “Patricia was…well, a ‘free spirit’ would be putting it gently. She always assumed the world would be there for her whenever she needed it.”
Staring at her for a long moment, I shook my head. “Why? Why come here and hire me?”
“I thought that would be obvious,” she said, smiling. “Your mother was so passionate about this place and once I found out your college major, I figured you would be as well.”
“Did you know that I hate her?” At that, Suzanne’s expression froze on the edge of shock. “She…she left us,” I whispered. “Didn’t tell us who she was or what she really did for a living and gave us no closure. And even when she was here, it was just visiting. Her real home was her work. She could give me all the presents she wanted, but even when she was here, half the time she was still on her computer doing work. It’s not like that stereotype of never making it to my tennis practice or something; it’s that it always felt like she was only partially here, even when I was sitting next to her. I don’t even know if I appreciate her turning me into a wildlife fanatic because it…it…makes me feel like I’m close to her in a way that’s just infuriating. She loved the animals more than she loved us.”
“Oh, Ripley-”
“Don’t,” I said, shoving myself to my feet. “Don’t try to convince me otherwise.”
“I wasn’t going to,” she said quietly. I pursed my lips. “I was going to say that I’m sorry that was the case. Your mother was…flawed, just like any other person. She had two loves in this world: her family and her work. And often, her work overcame her, her zeal for environmentalism getting in the way of being a good mum. She left your father trying to fill the role of two parents, holding your family together. You and your brother and your father, you all deserved better than that.”
My lower lip quivered but I bit down on it hard. It would’ve been a lot easier for me if she’d been speaking from a place of clueless reassurance about all this. But everything she said was making sense and that meant I didn’t have someone in front of me to be angry with.
“Why didn’t you tell me when Andrew hired me?” I sighed, sitting back down on the couch.
“Well, like I said, I wanted you to find your sea legs,” she said with a small smile. “I didn’t want the truth affecting whether or not you wanted to work here, whether you wanted to stay here after finding out about what the animals are. It would’ve complicated things, the emotions you’ll have to work through now that you know the truth. Whether or not you decide to give another tour, you also know what they’re like. That’s the benchmark I wanted you to reach before you found out about who you are.”
I narrowed my eyes. “Who I-” My face went slack. “Wait.”
Suzanne nodded slowly. “You’re only half human. Your brother too.”
The room seemed to tilt on an axis for a moment. “That means I’m also half…what?”
“We call ourselves Eldritch, these days,” she replied.
My eyes bugged out. “What?” I exclaimed. “So you’re all, like, gods or something?”
Suzanne burst out laughing. “Oh no, goodness, no,” she chuckled. “It’s just a word. We live in a very different world from this one, and a few generations ago we discovered the word and it made its way into our lexicon. But it does mean you can see all the animals. Indeed you did, on the tour you gave.”
“Wait, no, I had the glasses that…” I stopped. “Did those glasses do anything?”
She gave a sly smile and shook her head. “Not a thing. You made incredibly quick progress, and then when it came time for the tour, all you needed was to expect to see the animals, and you did.”
Genetics. That’s what Andrew had said during our interview, that part of how many animals you could see was determined by genetics. I guess having a mother who was originally from the other dimension gave me all the genes I needed to see everything here. “Could I…visit your world?” I asked tentatively. “You said that my mom took photos of the animals there. Could I…” My voice trailed off, not even sure if or how I wanted to finish that sentence.
“Those who are half human, especially those who are raised on Earth, don’t come visit,” she said gently. “I could show you some photos of other animals, and I could loan you as many books as you’d like, but it’s simply not a place where you’d be safe.”
“Oh,” I said, leaning into the couch cushion as I pictured the animals in the zoo. “Yeah, actually that…makes sense.” I paused. “So, what now?”
“It’s up to you,” she said. “I wanted to wait until I was sure you were comfortable with your position here, and then put the ball in your court. And so it is. What do you want to do now?”
What did I want to do? It wasn’t that difficult a question, just a deep, serious one.
I wanted to thrive, as the animals did. This is my enrichment now, working at an incredible, wonderful, terrifying zoo. The experience so far hasn’t been perfect, and I know there are risks, but life isn’t about staying safe. It’s about learning new things and making a difference in the world. And, if you’re lucky, having a job that’s something really special.
​
THE END
​
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During covid, we were all locked down, as I'm sure we all remember. My spouse turned to social medias for entertainment when we were stuck at home and couldn't work. That's perfectly fine tbh. After a while I just remember she started using TikTok so so so heavily that it was almost constant.
I let it slide for a long time because we were limited in what we could do anyways. Fast forward to the beginning of 2022. I finally confronted my wife about using TikTok and social media literally every free second she had. I told her that it felt like we weren't getting any interaction and I wasn't getting what I needed from her. I even discovered that the frame of the TikTok app was BURNED into the screen of her phone (the frame like where the home button, add video button and all that is at the bottom of the screen). That screen burn was a sign and she took it seriously at first. She even deleted TikTok and never used it again because she saw how bad it was. She continued to use Facebook and Instagram though. That didn't really bother me though. She has said countless times that she needs social media to decompress after a long day and to just scroll mindlessly.
In 2023 we noticed screen times were inhibiting bonding with one another. I'm guilty too, but it was more reddit and phone games for me. So to compromise, we bought stuff to do together that wasn't screens. We bought lego sets, diamond paintings, coloring books, and other basic craft stuff. I even bought her a Kindle as a birthday present to read instead of scroll on her phone. For about a year it was great. We spent a lot of quality time together face to face.
We are caught up to now. I noticed that every single second she's not actively engaged in something she's using Instagram reels as a new type of TikTok. She's doing the same thing she was doing during covid, only I think she's doing it more now. I hate it because our work schedules sometimes conflict and we only get to see each other a few hours a day sometimes. It sucks when she just sits on the phone during those time. Especially when she's been able to be off for hours and hours before I get home and she scrolls then too.
I'm at a loss and it's pretty crushing. I'm not sure what to do because she's going to tell me again, it's what she does to decompress.

Well today was the day, that the 3 year relationship with my child’s father ended. We have NOT had a healthy relationship but it has only gotten worse and worse. When my daughter was 3 months old, we made the decision to physically seperate, but stay together, so we could go to therapy and make sure our child wasn’t around arguing - fast forward my daughter is 15 months and my baby and I have been living at my moms AND him and I NEVER made it to therapy. . Grateful I have enough support to be with her here and have been able to not have to work and have time to figure things out. Regardless, he used to be 100% loyal to me. I found out last summer he rode in a car with a girl alone, (in LA when he went with his family, which he blindsided me on even going there to begin with), so we were fighting when he went, and sure enough he rode alone in a car with his sisters friend who tried to fuck him multiple times in the past… not only that in LA he gave a girl his number. He lied to me about it for 8-9 months and I forgave him. He told me last week his balls have been itchy, and that he was going to get an STD test and to “tell him before he gets the results” God is my witness - I never cheated - I have lied to him quite a bit in the course of our relationship but mostly about past stuff, (but not even HALf as much as he has lied to me!) he told me if I lied again, he would ghost me, today I woke up with the flu bug my daughter had and asked him to come and help. He said he would, then ghosted me and answered shit face drunk and come to find out his sister was having her bday party. My daughter wasn’t even invited there as she has been to everyone else’s birthday, and his mom told me he was too drunk to help with his child. He answers the phone, tells me he knows what I did?????, and said Jamie (another one of his sisters friends he has slept with before we got together) was the only one who could watch our daughter. He hung up on me. His mom condoned his behavior, and wouldn’t even let me drop my daughter off so I could throw up and be sick without worrying about her)… and sure enough, I go to his sisters friend from LA instagram, and sure enough she’s in town, and at the party. I have no idea what I did but if the test came back positive god knows it’s from HIM! Then that’s it. I blocked him and now will be looking for lawyers. Where do I even go from here… ???

Married 2 years, dated 7 years - my husband (50M) quit his job last year to go to college to work with me in my accounting business. He has started having study sessions with a classmate (20F).
I didn’t think too much of it until I realized that they are texting nearly everyday. Then he offered to host her 21st birthday party at our home. He wants o have the outdoor bbq area we have been working on for over 2 years done for it. Our youngest daughter (his stepdaughter) graduates next weekend and will be having her grad party here - but no effort has been made to work on completing it for her.
Now I am having stinky vibes about him and this friendship. He tells me I am overreacting and jealous.
Tl:dr. Am I overreacting about my husband’s (50M) study buddy who is (20F)

Him (28M) & me (24F) have NOT had a healthy relationship but it has only gotten worse and worse. When my daughter was 3 months old, we made the decision to physically seperate, but stay together, so we could go to therapy and make sure our child wasn’t around arguing - fast forward my daughter is 15 months and my baby and I have been living at my moms AND him and I NEVER made it to therapy. . Grateful I have enough support to be with her here and have been able to not have to work and have time to figure things out. Regardless, he used to be 100% loyal to me. I found out last summer he rode in a car with a girl alone, (in LA when he went with his family, which he blindsided me on even going there to begin with), so we were fighting when he went, and sure enough he rode alone in a car with his sisters friend who tried to fuck him multiple times in the past… not only that in LA he gave a girl his number. He lied to me about it for 8-9 months and I forgave him. He told me last week his balls have been itchy, and that he was going to get an STD test and to “tell him before he gets the results” God is my witness - I never cheated - I have lied to him quite a bit in the course of our relationship but mostly about past stuff, (but not even HALf as much as he has lied to me!) he told me if I lied again, he would ghost me, today I woke up with the flu bug my daughter had and asked him to come and help. He said he would, then ghosted me and answered shit face drunk and come to find out his sister was having her bday party. My daughter wasn’t even invited there as she has been to everyone else’s birthday, and his mom told me he was too drunk to help with his child. He answers the phone, tells me he knows what I did?????, and said Jamie (another one of his sisters friends he has slept with before we got together) was the only one who could watch our daughter. He hung up on me. His mom condoned his behavior, and wouldn’t even let me drop my daughter off so I could throw up and be sick without worrying about her)… and sure enough, I go to his sisters friend from LA instagram, and sure enough she’s in town, and at the party. I have no idea what I did but if the test came back positive god knows it’s from HIM! I am left confused and hurt.
TLDR: I got ghosted randomly by my child’s father.

This is a long one. I (f37) am thinking about not going to my great nieces first birthday.
My niece (19) and I have always been quite close. I have always been there for her growing up and was heavily involved since the day she was born. I actually watched her be born. I always held my nieces and nephews as babies, changed their nappies, bathed them, looked after them, took them places, bought them things etc. Now my niece has had a baby and it’s the total opposite of how things were when my niece was a baby. She never wants people to hold baby, do things for baby,look after her or do ANY of the things I did when she was little. Every time I tried to hold her or be involved in any way it was as if I was a stranger trying to hold her baby. I always felt like I was a nobody and my niece didn’t want me to acknowledge her daughter at all. I began to feel guilty for even looking at her. It all came to a head when I asked what kind of baby seat she used as I wanted to get one just incase me or my parents ever needed to have or pick up my great niece for any reason. I got shut down and was told that there was no point as she would never be in anyone else’s car so there was no need to buy a baby seat. I was over trying at that point. I had put so much energy and effort into trying to be the best great aunt I could be just as I had been the best aunt I could be for my niece but I was getting rejected left right and centre. I made a generic post on Facebook saying that I was giving up trying which she obviously knew was about this situation. She wouldn’t answer any of my texts or phone calls. I should mention that I suffer from depression and mental illness and was on the verge of a breakdown. I was at a very low point and decided I needed to get away. I spontaneously bought a ticket to Germany for the next day for four weeks. (My sister lives in Germany) I then get a text from my niece saying the following.
Hey (name removed) Look i’m not mad at you i’m just disappointed that something as simple as telling you not to buy a car seat for baby as it’s not necessary caused you to posted things on facebook and etc. It’s disappointing you haven’t respected husband and I’s boundaries, privacy and personal choice for us and our family. On my multiple occasions you haven’t taken no for an answer and I feel like i’m walking on egg shells quite frankly trying not to upset you. I feel as though I can’t say “no don’t buy a car seat” or no to a cuddle with baby without offending you. It’s really draining constantly feeling like husband and my decisions for our baby are not being respected or understood by you at family gatherings, which doesn’t bring joy and happiness into my life and my family. I understand you might mean well but at the end of the day it’s not your decision on anything to do with baby it’s up to husband and I and unfortunately if you can’t respect that then we aren’t going to want to see you, and want to catch up with you and ect. We are a private family and like to have our space we also do not have time for drama and etc in our lives. I’m sorry if this upsets you but husband and I only want the best for our baby and that includes the people around her. And it is so negative and upsetting to see that one of our family members have posted about us on her facebook and is not the type of energy we want in are daughters life. We are currently in the middle of moving house so I don’t have time for long conversations like this, and that’s why I haven’t answered you yet but when we have settled down in our new house and everything we can catch up and talk in person. Hope you understand where we are coming from and think and process what I have said Thank you. love you 🫶🫶
It was like a gut punch. I totally broke down after that. The time away was good but it was super awkward when I returned home. I didn’t want to engage at all. Over time things slowly improved and I felt like things were getting better. Then one day a weeks back we were having a family bbq and she had put baby on the ground while holding her hands. I put my arms out to pick her up and my niece held babies hands tighter and said something along the lines of why do you always have to pick her up when I put her down. I was taken aback and left the room for a while. I kept my distance the rest of the day and haven’t reached out since. I should also add that my sister and niece are very similar in the sense that if I don’t reach out to them (eg call or text) I NEVER hear from them. I am so drained and tired of trying and have become distant. I don’t want to socialise with them or talk. My great nieces first birthday is next week and I don’t want to go. I don’t t have the energy to pretend everything is ok. I don’t see the point in me being there. So would I be the asshole if I didn’t attend.

I (24f) went to a birthday party for my former coworker (25f)’s daughter (5f) and some of the other coworkers were there and it was nice to catch up. I was the only childfree adult there.
We were making small talk and I mentioned that I was getting a certificate to teach special education and had recently finished college.
They immediately made comments about how teaching is easier than parenting (I never made any comparison to parenting, just said that teaching was easier for me than doing calculus for a STEM degree) and made similar comments every time I said anything about teaching.
Btw they are not tradwives or SAHMs because they were working when they had their kids aside from maternity leave. I met them while working retail a few years ago. The hostess has a two income household. So it wasn’t disapproval of me having a career or anything like that.

First time poster here so go easy on me :) 33M. Gay. 5 years of talk therapy under my belt before the dam broke.
About 9-10 months ago while meditating I hit what felt like an intense energy. This was during an incredibly stressful period of time for me when a bunch of major life events came to a head. The sensation would make my body vibrate but I felt safe enough to allow it rise. Easiest way to describe it was like leaning into a big ball of strong, tense energy. After a few weeks of “inhabiting” it I started crying daily. Huuuuuuge cries. I’m talking devastation/ catharsis. It freaked me out the first few times but felt amazing afterwards. My more traditional anxiety symptoms also vanished and haven’t returned as of yet. The chest tightness, nervous sweating, ruminating all seemed to be swept away and replaced by this new all consuming grief/anger bodily sensation. The next phase was weird. I developed insane fatigue and something like agoraphobia and just didn’t want to travel. I was fine leaving the house and doing normal things like buying groceries, but I couldn’t go more than like 30mins from home because I had this idea I needed to be close to my bed because it was my safe place. I also didn’t want to commit to meeting up with people/ needed to know I could exit at any point. The crying continued but in a controlled way, I could also start to schedule it. The agoraphobia lifted after about 2 months and the fatigue started to come and go. I’m still slightly spooked by the agoraphobia and think I worry it will come back.
Cut to now. I can do things again, like meet friends or get on a plane. But I still feel super fragile. Sometimes the exhaustion rolls back in and I just need to nap. I still cry, not as much though. I also yawn like 100 times a day lol. I’m talking huge, mouth locks open as far as it can yawns. They feel great. Also smells. Literally every smell triggers a memory from childhood. I can get a whiff of something and I’m taken back to my school classroom, a birthday present, Christmas 1997, all sorts of places. None of them feel threatening, but they all feel kind of sad.
Where I’m at now is a sort of healing frustration. I’ve given the process all my time and energy and although I can resume most activities, I don’t really enjoy any of them. I feel like I have to force myself to make use of time I’m not crying or resting.
I also feel like I have way too much new information about myself and what I want from life, but I’m unable to go after it. It’s like a yearning to join the party I’ve just found out is being held…but an inability to muster the energy to dress up and show up for it. There’s also the grief of having missed so much of it.
My question, then, is what symptoms of processing and healing signalled you clicking into a new, more stable everyday routine? What were the signs before you started feeling excitement about doing things again, feeling less consumed by all your new insights? Where am I atm in relation to your own journeys?
Oh PS - a bonus question for anyone who experienced similar. The only activity I physically cannot do, after almost 9 months, is work at a computer comfortably. Soon as I look at the screen my whole body tenses up or I space out. I’ve been able to work part time but I have to kind of jump in and out of screen time. 20mins on the PC is the most I can manage without having my neck and shoulders start locking up. I also feel a huge rage in me I can’t seem to access. This literally only happens when I open a computer lol.
Big love to you all.

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Synopsis:
Juliette Contzen is a lazy, good-for-nothing princess. Overshadowed by her siblings, she's left with little to do but nap, read … and occasionally cut the falling raindrops with her sword. Spotted one day by an astonished adventurer, he insists on grading Juliette's swordsmanship, then promptly has a mental breakdown at the result.
Soon after, Juliette is given the news that her kingdom is on the brink of bankruptcy. At threat of being married off, the lazy princess vows to do whatever it takes to maintain her current lifestyle, and taking matters into her own hands, escapes in the middle of the night in order to restore her kingdom's finances.
Tags: Comedy, Adventure, Action, Fantasy, Copious Ohohohohos.
Chapter 241: Until Now
The doors to the Hartzwiese Adventurer’s Guild opened.
Before, the sound of raucous laughter could be heard flooding the street outside, filling the quiet of a spring night with all the debauchery the local drunkards had to offer.
Despite the halls of adventurers not being formal drinking establishments, those within were ready to compete in boisterousness with all the taverns, inns and pubs of the town combined. And also win. Handily.
And yet–
The moment the doors parted and I stepped within, a hush as quiet as any grave fell over its inhabitants.
A woman balancing with her derrière upon the head of another became still, the alcohol in her cup the only movement as it dribbled onto a stunned face below her.
A man slurping from the communal cauldron stared wordlessly, the stew pouring in, and then out of his mouth as the muscles of his throat forgot the means to swallow.
A bartender asleep upon a row of kegs quietly rose, the sudden din of silence waking him where the sound of debauchery and those drinking from the taps beside him had failed.
Here, there, and everywhere, eyes widened as the sudden silence was filled with the sounds of my footsteps as I strolled past, my loyal handmaiden and my brother’s attendant in my wake.
And also–
Mreow.
Mrewowow.
Meww.
Cats.
Tabby cats.
Calico cats.
Ragdoll cats.
Cats with twirly whiskers. Cats with puffy faces. Cats with slightly rounded ears.
Behind me, skipping around my legs while taking turns to sit upon my shoulders and very occasionally my head, were a legion of cats of various shapes, sizes and colours.
But no matter the springiness of their whiskers, the shine of their coat or the liveliness of their tails, one thing to bring them all together was the anarchy they caused.
This was no neat line of ducklings following after their mother.
This was a barbarian horde.
With no sense of organisation other than a shared drive to claim everything as their own, they immediately skipped amidst the stunned adventurers, scavenging for all the copious scraps while still turning their noses away from the alcohol forming sticky traps upon the floor.
Saying nothing, I allowed their demanding cries to fill up the hall as I swept forwards, pausing before a wall plastered from end to end with faded notices and requests long gone unanswered.
One by one, I systemically tore every request featuring a crudely drawn image of a cat, gathering into my arms a pile of parchment large enough to reach my chin.
Then, I made my way to the wooden desk.
A receptionist waited with a smile at the ready.
“Greetings! Welcome to the Hartzwiese branch of the Adventurer’s Guild. I see you’ve removed several notices from the–”
Poomph.
Silenced but unperturbed, this latest clone watched as I dropped the stack of requests onto her desk, before promptly topping off the stack with a copper ring.
“Do what must be done,” I said, my voice defiant. “I am ready.”
The receptionist answered me with a smile more permanent than the wall the notices were torn from.
A moment later–
“[Identify].”
A green hue appeared in her clasped palms as she assessed the ring.
“Juliette. B-rank. Your registered branch is Reitzlake.”
The sound of several cups clattered against the floor.
“Welcome again to Hartzwiese. I see from your commission history that you have an extraordinary amount of completions for recovering lost cats. May I assume the significant number of cats now roaming the branch hall relate to the notices removed from the wall?”
I pursed my quivering lips.
“Maybe.”
“Wonderful. And how many cats is it that you’ve rescued?”
“... Lots.”
“I see. Please give me a moment while I confirm the requirements of our commissions.”
The receptionist swiftly retrieved a stack of parchment from a drawer.
As she flicked through, her eyes simultaneously went to every cat roaming, napping and clawing in the hall. A skill not even monstrous overseers from the abyss with their dozens of eyestalks could match. But that’s only to be expected.
Wherever these receptionists were found, it was from a level deeper than any monster dared roam.
Eventually, she gave a nod.
“Thank you for waiting. There appears to be an excess of cats in relation to the number of commissions we have available. We’ll endeavour to ensure that every cat is rehomed at the earliest opportunity through our partner agencies and charities. But unfortunately, I can only provide official acknowledgement for cats rescued through a formal commission.”
I sucked in a deep breath, hoping that patience was one of the things I accidentally inhaled.
“Fine. And how many commissions does that end up being, then? … 10? 15?”
The receptionist flicked through her bundle of parchments once more.
“94.”
“... Excuse me?”
“I can confirm the successful completion of 94 simultaneous F-ranked commissions. Congratulations. This is a new record, breaking what appears to be one earlier set by yourself. A remarkable achievement befitting a B-rank member of the guild.”
The receptionist’s professional smile never wavered.
I thought that would be the worst of it.
But then–
She slowly brought her hands together … and started applauding.
It was the leak which broke the dam.
At once, she was joined by all who were present to witness this crowning moment of regret.
I turned around in time to see a riot in motion.
“W-Wooooooooooo!!!!”
“In … Incredible …”
“A new record … I … I heard it was broken in Trierport … to think I’d witness it broken again!”
“A B-rank adventurer … ?! Where … Where did she come from … ?!”
There was no polite, respectful applause here.
It was the wild cheering of a crowd at a tournament. The whooping cries of theatregoers calling for an encore. The acclaim of my father as he elbowed others to delight in the poetry I’d written when I was 6 and thus now regularly attempted to burn.
Everywhere I turned, I saw and heard the acclaim mixed with shouts of horror as mugs of alcohol were spilled on purpose and by accident. The layabouts stomped on the floor, doing their best to murder decorum under the strain of unbridled emotion.
Only a few falling teardrops formed any hint of more dignified revelry, the glimmer of admiration running down cheeks as sniffles were hidden amidst the raucous cheering.
And then I bore witness to the most morbid sight.
Like a tidal wave of soiled clothes and snotty faces, they suddenly came as one, hands reaching out for me with dripping mugs still in their grips. Horror struck at my soul. And unlike a farmer who’d scarpered into the night, I had nobody who could heal a wound caused by hooligans accepting me as their own.
“A-Amazing!! Take my drink! Take anyone’s drink!!”
“So many cats rescued … even my allergies can’t believe it!”
“My gods, it’s a legend! An adventurer among adventurers!”
This.
This right here.
This was the lowest point of my life … were I not an unparalleled genius.
“Oho … ohoho …”
At once, the wave halted.
Faces which were lit up in unabashed delight turned to looks of mild confusion against the tinkling music of my laughter.
They needed to cycle through the expressions until they reached horror and shame.
“Ohhohohohohohoho!!”
… For I was no drunkard seeking to join their ranks!
No … I was Juliette Contzen, 3rd Princess to the Kingdom of Tirea!
And that meant every action I took, every word I spoke, and every cat I saved was for a reason beyond the hopes and dreams these hoodlums had of wanton debauchery and rusting swords!
Indeed!
A lesser princess than I may slink away into the night, cowed by the utter shame, humiliation and disgrace of completing so many F-ranked requests that I somehow broke a record I’d only just set!
But I was made of greater things!
Of schemes and subterfuges so deep that it would take too long to explain! The plots I weaved were a silken web more intricate than any cogs which made up Coppelia as she doubled up, desperately trying to stop herself from succumbing to more pain from laughter!
And that meant with every cat request now denied to these louts … they would finally do some work!
“Ohoho … ohohohohoho!! Behold and be afraid! Witness before you the coming of a new dawn, here to lift you from your days of boundless reverie! Unfurl the shutters and gaze upon a radiance so pure it brands your dallying minds! The scorching sun has come to test the snail’s back, and all that your bleary eyes see is a great salt lake to devour you whole! Shrivel as you cling upon the sweat which drips upon your brow, for that is the proof you’re yet alive!”
A sudden silence met my proclamation of their coming ordeal.
And then–
“Wooooooooooooooooooooooo!”
“I don’t understand! But what a speech!”
“If she can do it, so can we!”
I raised a hand to my lips, barely covering my smile.
“Ohhhohohohohohohoho … !”
Here it was!
Operation: Gainful Employment!
An entirely new strategy, as bold as it was uncharted!
By removing what was surely the vast majority of missing cat quests available to the adventurers of this town, they would have no choice, utterly none whatsoever, but to engage in actual work! The type of work adventurers openly advertised themselves as doing!
Monster subjugation! Crime prevention! Fetching artifacts from hidden dungeons and then succumbing to their wounds at the entrance while the Royal Treasury pocketed the treasure!
Yes, this was clearly a highly experimental tactic.
But what was I, if not a bastion of creativity?
At the very least, I utterly refused to accept the status quo! An organisation dedicated exclusively to rescuing lost cats or elbowing into my kingdom’s sovereign affairs was no good to me!
Thus … I could not cower like some towngirl nauseous from the smell of their revelry.
Instead, I would squeeze the Adventurer’s Guild dry until the day I replaced them with an army of trained poodles. Until that joyous day, I could never tear my eyes away when they waited to be robbed.
To do so was more than a dereliction of duty …
Why, I’d be an accomplice to their drunken escapades!
My vow remained unchanged. For my goal, I would brave any indignity. The ring I was hoping the receptionist would forget to return was proof of that.
And thus–
I stood tall as a summer reed, proud in the knowledge that I had no need to feel even an inkling of embarrassment over completing 94 simultaneous F-ranked commissions! …
“Pfffffffffffffffffffffffffffffft.”
“S-Stop at once! You are not to laugh!”
“Pffffttt~”
“C-Coppelia!!”
Clearly not seeing the angel of self-sacrifice who I was, Coppelia held one hand tightly around her mouth. Even so, she failed to stop either the sound of her amusement or the tears falling from her eyes.
My only salvation was that it came at significant cost to her. Even now, she careened between laughter and painful regret.
I decided to offer both her and myself mercy.
Turning to the receptionist, I found a modest pouch already waiting upon the wooden desk. As well as a copper ring waiting beside it.
“Thank you for your service to the Adventurer’s Guild,” said the receptionist, her professional smile undaunted by the commotion. “Your total remuneration is 102 gold crowns, 7 silver crowns and 9 copper crowns. I’ve taken the liberty to compile all your separate payments together.”
I took the pouch and ignored the ring.
The receptionist pushed the ring forwards.
A long moment later, I collected it, uncertain what a receptionist would do if I tossed it into the communal cauldron, but knowing it would somehow still end up on my finger regardless.
With my head held high, I bravely ignored the chorus of voices unknowingly cheering for their own hardship as I swept past. Renewed tears and applause filled the hall. A few cats attempted to follow me. I stopped to shoo them away.
And then I was outside, the door closing behind me.
“... Goodness, that was quite the sight,” said Renise with a bemused smile. “It reminded me somewhat of the inns of Reitzlake’s docks. I wonder if all the halls of adventurers are like that, or merely those which you frequent?”
“Please don’t insinuate I’m responsible for the debauchery which occurs wherever the Adventurer’s Guild is concerned. That’s something I can claim no credit for.”
“You say that … but to me, it seems that you caused quite a stir. That really is a remarkable number of cats you rescued, after all. Even I can tell that 94 simultaneous F-ranked commissions–”
“Miss Renise.”
The maid’s smile wavered against whatever fatigued expression I was making.
A moment later, it fell away entirely as she switched to her role as my brother’s attendant and the leader of whatever scoundrels he’d charged her with herding.
“... Yes, I suppose there’s time for idle conversation later. There’s a guardhouse nearby. We should report on all that’s happened tonight.”
I gave a nod of agreement.
Hopefully, the baroness hadn’t woken from her stupor yet. But if she had, I was certain the single portrait of myself I’d returned to the wall of her gallery to smile down at her gagged and bound state would calm her nerves.
Renise hummed towards the direction of Hartzwiese’s centre, before returning her attention to me.
“If you wish to keep your identity incognito, I can see guards sent to where they’re needed using my own authority, and arrange for the appropriate seizure of the goods and crowns we’ve discovered.”
I beamed at once.
My, so prudent! It’s little wonder she was chosen by Roland!
“A judicious offer. And one I’ll accept gladly, providing the burden isn’t too severe.”
“This is merely an administrative task, and little burden compared to what both yourself and Miss Coppelia regularly perform. In any event, it is only efficient. I expect I’ll be spending a significant amount of time at the baroness’s farmstead. It is quite extensive. If possible, I would like to make use of it for Rose House. I imagine having such a facility close to the Granholtz border would have its uses.”
I nodded, already forgetting the barn’s existence.
“I encourage you to use your discretion as required. My brother has put his trust in you, and so I both expect and know that you shall not disappoint in furthering the kingdom’s prosperity.”
The young woman smiled. One filled with appreciation, but also lacking ambition.
Good.
An excellent combination as far as retainers were concerned.
“Thank you. Although I worry you place too much trust in my abilities. In truth, those like Baroness Arisa would have made for a greater asset to the kingdom. Her resourcefulness must be acknowledged.”
“It is not resourcefulness my kingdom requires. It is loyalty. And hers is a pit so empty it drains others.”
“That’s true. But at least we were able to acquire some useful things from her nonetheless.”
Renise pulled out a tiny vial from the belt around her thigh.
A golden liquid was stored within, glimmering with an unnatural light.
“These were in her chamber,” she said, her eyes lacking emotion as she surveyed the bright liquid. “When we met, she actually attempted to purchase my loyalty with this.”
“A suspect vial. How quaint. And what miracle did she promise?”
“One that would wake my parents from their curse of eternal slumber.”
“... And is it?”
“I don’t believe so, no. This is one of many identical vials I found in her chamber’s desk drawer. All prominently labelled with instructions to only drink as required to stave off the effects of bloating.”
Renise returned the vial to her belt with a slightly embarrassed smile.
“It’s still useful,” she admitted. “But just not for what I require.”
I gave a simple nod as my reply.
Nothing else needed to be said.
She hoped to see her parents wake from their prison of dormancy. An understandable wish. And one I wasn’t required to supplement with the comment that no pair named the Smuggler King and the Smuggler Queen were likely to receive as light a sentence as their daughter.
I could not speak on behalf of Roland. Although I imagined that as a kind man, he would prefer not to pass judgements which were total. But as the Crown Prince, he did not have the luxury of kindness.
It would take much to change their fate.
But perhaps that’s why Renise was here, still proving true, and not accepting stomach ailment potions from a baroness.
A moment of silence followed.
Renise gave a short sigh. And that was that.
She set her eyes on the task ahead–at least until whatever words she’d parted her mouth to say were interrupted by Coppelia’s humming instead.
“Sooooooooooooooo … you just want to wake up two people eternally sleeping, right?”
A small smile met her optimistic voice.
“If a cure were readily available, I’m certain I would have found it by now. I believe one might be possible, but it would take skill and ingredients beyond any apothecary I know of.”
“Well, sure, you could go that way. But what about going straight to the source instead?”
“The source?”
“Sure. They’re asleep, right? So just ask the one in charge of where they are now.”
“I’m … not quite sure I follow?”
Coppelia clapped her hands together and beamed.
“The Spring Court is the realm of dreams. Chances are, they must have shown their faces around a few times by now. If you ask the Spring Queen nicely, she might do you a favour.”
“The Spring Queen? … The fae?”
“Mmh~ luckily, we have someone with connections here!”
Renise was startled out of her reply.
It was nothing compared to me. The one being pointed at.
“Coppelia!” I said, truly aghast at the suggestion. “The fae are not to be taken lightly. Why, I still have nightmares about my conversation with the Winter Queen! I learned a side to royalty that day which I shall never forget … and I’m quite poorer for it!”
“You met … the Winter Queen?” asked Renise, her eyes suddenly wide.
“Unfortunately, yes, but I had zero intention of meeting her, and I’ve just as little intention of meeting any other fae as well. Including the Spring Queen.”
I waved away the coming query to declare what was just as important as my lack of enthusiasm.
“Besides, I’ve not the foggiest idea how I would even hope to use these supposed connections I have.”
“Oh, that’s the easy bit,” said Coppelia, her casual disregard for what counted as ‘easy’ more terrifying than any lout I’d met today. “The hard part is getting them to do what you want. But meeting them? The fae are creatures of stories. If the time is right, they’ll speak to you–one way or another.”
“Then they must book an appointment. One which I can formally reject.”
“I mean, I don’t think you have much choice. You didn’t last time, right?”
“The last time, I was sat beside the Winter Queen’s crown. I see no fae artifacts to hook me away. And that means utterly no scenario in which I could be abducted without my express–”
I suddenly stopped, clasping my hands around my mouth.
A moment later, I raised my arms in a martial art I’d just invented, turning repeatedly on the spot.
Renise blinked at me.
“Excuse me, but what are–”
“Shhshhshh!!”
I paused, gazing intently around at the quiet, dark streets of Hartzwiese, all the while ignoring Coppelia’s giggling at my near miss.
That … That was close!
“O-Oho … oho … I almost invited something terrible. Truly, it’s perhaps best not to needlessly voice things which Fae Queens and their deviant brand of magic could use …”
Coppelia nodded at me, as proud as she was clearly disappointed.
“You’re lucky. If the Spring Queen had a sense of humour, she’d have snagged you right there and then.”
“No. If the Spring Queen had a sense of humour, she’d wait until–”
Click.
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Not sure if anyone likes to listen to music while they’re playing this game but I like to from time to time. I’ll keep it off in military locations or towns/cities but if I’m hitch hiking across the valleys, I’ll put on some Alice In Chains or Pearl Jam and I’m not sure why but it feels like it was meant for this game. Nothing heavy tho, more of the melancholy songs if anything. Here’s what I put in my DayZ playlist so far:
Alice In Chains-Down In a Hole Alice In Chains-Nutshell Alice In Chains-Rooster Alice In Chains-No Excuses
Pearl Jam-Black Pearl Jam-Present tense Pearl Jam-Daughter
Nirvana-All apologies Nirvana-Lake of Fire Nirvana-Plateau
Temple of the dog-Hunger strike
Chris Cornell-Seasons

wanted to share my experience as a 28 year old, F, on the very thin side, anxious, and autistic.
had to have colonoscopy due to positive fit test and anaemia diagnosis, and 6 months of heavily bloody multi-daily bathroom trips. I was starting to get very concerned about cancer.
I opted for no sedation because I'm extremely anxious about feeling 'out of it' or not in control of my body/brain or feeling dizzy.
The thought of waking up and not knowing what my body went through was also making me squeamish.
I did a lot of research, I watched full, unseated colonoscopy videos on YouTube, this post from this subreddit was also incredible and explains it all better than I could. but here's my detailed experience of each step.
Prep: The prep was not bad at all, I had Citrafleet.
I prepared the mixture and took it at 6pm (the leaflet said 5pm, appointment at 11am) It had a nice lemon taste and was pleasant. after I drunk it, my medication anxiety/dread kicked in, I was like, oh god, what did I just do to my body. (i've never experienced laxatives before) I was expecting it to be like a movie and to immediately poop lol. I did not have a bowel movement for 3-4 hours. then it was just on and off bathroom trips. Funnily enough the only time it bothered me was I had to leave a competitive computer-game mid-match because I suddenly had to go so bad LOL.other than that, didn't feel too different to my normal symptoms honestly.
then I slept at 3-4am, at 3am I started to suddenly feel queasy and shaky and awful, stayed up too late I think, but it passed and I drunk water and went to sleep.
I woke up at 7am for the second packet of prep, it acted faster this time and then I stopped my 2-hours-before water drinking, was totally empty and went to the hospital.
Hospital: I got lucky, I got a very nice NHS hospital. I had a lovely nurse. They started talking about sedation and I said "I've decided to do no sedation" She said "Ah, gas and air. alright" I said nono, no sedation at all. She was a bit like "ermmm, we'll see about that" haha.
but ultimately everyone was very very respectful of my wishes! they just didn't think I would actually manage.
My heart rate was really high for ages in the waiting/prep room when they took my pulse and honestly I was so stressed they wouldn't do the procedure because my heart rate was high, so I had no time to be worried about what lay ahead because I was so fixated on trying to slow my heart rate. So my advice would be just keep your mind occupied before going in.
I got given huge green shorts, a cozy disposable gown, an iv/canula thing (they assured me it was routine, but I wouldn't get sedation). I had to pee a bunch before and then in the surgery room and had a little blanket put over me.
I had a pillow that was super comfortable and was instructed into the relevant position.
Procedure: The nurses were ALL surprised I wasn't having sedation, they asked if I was really sure I didn't want the gas and air because it can be painful and stopping halfway would be very detrimental.
They said "I know you want to do it without gas and air, some people say say they will and then can't handle it. The nurses also said it's rare someone asks to do it no sedation.
I was mentally preparing myself for the pain of the gas(for inflating the colon). I will say imagining it and feeling it are two very different experiences.
once the camera was in and they inflated with gas. It kept feeling like it was never going to stop inflating. I felt at my bodily physical limit of gas, but it kept inflating, awful awful awful. I can't deny. about 8/10 discomfort, maybe 6-7/10 pain. I had the worst urge to fart that I've ever had in my life. like "If I don't fart I'm going to explode from the inside" levels of bad, which was a slightly panic inducing feeling. The nurses said to pass gas if I needed to, but I couldn't fart. Either because of the position I was in (on side, knees up to chest), the obstruction from the camera, the fear, or because I felt like if I tensed, I'd pop like a balloon.
so "if i dont fart i'll explode & die, if i tense to fart i'll explode & die" was basically my experience with the gas.
Next they said "You might feel a period cramp" and I did. BOY DID I.
I said: "Oh yeah, just like a bad period cramp" And she said "Yeah we can't really help the boys by telling them that" and I somehow managed a "haha"
I think they said "We're going to do some water" but I didn't feel that.
It just felt like just trying to survive and get through it, I was just breathing, I knew I could survive it once I knew the pain I was dealing with. It just stayed consistently awful and painful and terrible. with occasional very bad cramps and awful sensations in 40-50 second bouts in various places in the middle section of my body.
There was so much different noise too from the machine.
The sensations ranged from: Intense gas cramps, horribly inflated feeling, a sucking on my intestines feeling, stomach caving in feeling, terrible period pain, terrible stomach pain, and rippling sensations.
I could barely look at the camera screen because I was just so focused on getting through it. frankly I didn't care LOL. I think I glanced once I just couldn't handle looking on top of what was happening to me. side note: I'm now put off giving birth if its anything like this hahaha.
I fluctuated between tensing from the discomfort and trying to relax. sometimes the discomfort was so freaky and bad my body tensed just to deal with it. If you've ever had a dream where a zombie was eating your stomach guts alive, it was reminiscent of that.
side note: I'm like a cat when I'm in pain, I don't like to show it, and I didn't want the sedation. So I was so badly trying to play it cool.
The literal best way I can describe all of this, it was like the worst food poisoning of your life, the worst trapped wind of your life, and the worst period cramp of your life, all at once, x2 or x3.
A few times my stomach rippled really unpleasantly and I keep remembering that sensation and cringing today
I can also liken some of the feelings to someone sticking a henry hoover into my ovaries.
It wasn't anything I haven't 'naturally' felt in my body before, if that makes sense, they were "familiar" sensations, just not to that degree. I didn't expect it to be such a worse variation of familiar pains.
I also didn't expect to feel all of this SO HIGH UP IN MY BODY?! like the majority of it was felt above and around my belly button.
I don't understand how people say they knew what part of the colon they were in, I couldn't. but they did point when we were about halfway and I was relieved.
For the last part, turn or bend, I think it took 3 attempts, the nurse had to push onto my tummy to flatten something out, honestly, that made me feel so much better, the pressure was really relieving. and I swear to you, it poked my rib when it went through! it felt like it anyway.
There was no pain after that. I knew it wouldn't hurt going out, so my relief was immeasurable, I knew I'd done it.
the only feeling then was just "aughuhguhguh my insides" feeling, and slight gas bloating still. I just focused on my breathing.
They said "We're going to take the biopsies now." I didn't feel that (thank goodness) but I was mega-cringing at the idea. for some reason I felt hot and slight burning in my insides mostly towards the entrance. I'm not sure how they took the biopsies but I heard a tiny drill type sound, and it freaked me out lol. i imagined them frying it off with a tiny saw.
they took, either 6 or 12 biopsies, I'm not sure. it was a strip biopsy, on my report card it has 6 things and says "x2" for each one, so idk.
When the camera went out I asked "is it over?" I didn't really feel the camera go out and was in disbelief because it was quicker than I anticipated and I couldn't believe that I had done it and was feeling proud of myself, and they were all hyping me up so much, telling me I should be crowned as queen and that the nurse could never do what I did. I felt so on top of the world. I couldn't stop smiling with relief.
The nurse called me brave and I said I was only brave because I was so scared of the sedation. Everyone is brave in different ways! You're not any less brave than me if you opt for sedation or Entonox. :)
Genuinely the entire thing felt 10 minutes long, it was like they did a speed-run of my guts, and it FELT like that too lol. just absolutely crashing around the entire mario kart racetrack that was my bowel. I'm just kidding, the doctor was great, it's a baffling procedure and I admire any doctor that does it.
I'd be so curious how long it actually was.. I was mentally prepared for 44 minutes, but idk. I don't want to get your hopes up that it will be short. maybe the shorter, the more painful?
I walked to the bus stop with my mum, I was kind of in disbelief that I did that.
Post-non-sedated-colonoscopy-thoughts
I would do it again if I had to, un-sedated. It was worth it for me to avoid three types of sensations that make me panic (dizziness, sluggish or forgetful)
I'm also really happy that I was able to be there and experience what was happening to my body, personally, I feel like if I was sedated I would always be wondering what my body went through without me being present.
I liked being able to breathe, and follow any instructions.
I've spent the entirety of the following day cringing in reflection of what happened, feeling achy, and being embarrassed for doing it un-sedated (for some reason I feel like everyone thinks i'm crazy).
I hope this helps... someone.
My options of sedation were Entonox or Midazolam and Fentanyl through IV. Lots of people said those things made them so relaxed and the best relaxation they've ever felt. It made me remember the Lavender Liquid dispensed from SCP-294q-01, where they drank the perfect drink and afterwards said "I'm sorry, but at this point everything is just one big let-down"
My brain is immensely neurotic and always in 'go' mode, I was worried if I felt relaxation like that, I'd probably start chasing different drugs to recreate it lol.

Trigger warning-- disordered eating
So I am a 28 year old female, about to turn 29. I have extreme body issues, including body dysmorphia, disordered eating habits (restriction, purging, over exercising, etc,) and at this point in my life, my weight and body image controls my life despite not being able to "really tell" how I actually look.
I am in therapy, and am currently seeking a therapist specializing in ED treatment.
Growing up, my mom was constantly on a diet and verbally putting herself down. Calling herself fat, talking about the "tire around her waist," excessive exercise and the like. My dad would encourage her by commenting on the food she ate, whether or not she was eating too much or too little. Nothing seemed to please him-- if she ate too little, well then "everyone's on a diet this week, because of your mom!" If she at "too much" it was "I thought you were trying to lose weight!" They would also heavily monitor my food intake growing up, to the point of locking certain foods away in the garage. My dad would catch me snacking and surprise me by saying "Grazing again?!" Whenever I was hungry, it was usually met with "have a glass of water."
When I was in sports, my dad praised me. When I was not, it was clear he was unhappy with me, and my body. Constant, CONSTANT comments about my body, my mom's body, and even my dad's body in the home. Even in the present, when I visit for dinner or there is ever any food around at our gatherings, it's always "mom's not eating /this/ right now," or "are you okay with eating carbs/sugaetc?"
Fast forward to now. My mother has recently lost 20 lbs in two months. I believe she had doctor's assistance with this. My dad has mentioned it to me twice now, and both times I am immediately filled with rage. I do not lash out or speak about this. I keep it inside like I always do.
I am mad that my mom, at 66, is STILL obsessed with her body and weight. I'm mad that my dad feels the need to actively share her weight loss with me. Most of all, I am mad that they did this to me. They made me into this person who is never satisfied with her body, who CANNOT EVEN TELL WHAT SHE LOOKS LIKE. It consumes me.
I know that I am an adult now, and it is my responsibility to fix the mistakes of my parents. I am also aware of the fact that bringing this issue up will most likely not fix anything, and may only make them feel bad. I do not want to upset them. But now, at nearly 30, I am mad-- just like some early 20s kid with issues. I feel juvenile but I also feel like I need to talk to them about this.
So... how would you recommend I go about bringing this up and having a responsible conversation about this topic. As I said, my goal is not to upset them. But I just need some boundaries in place.
Sorry for the long read; thank you in advance for any advice given.

This is part 4 of a list of feminine primarch names and my reasoning for these names.
Please see the below link for an explanation of this project, my methods, and my intent.
I will keep the first post updated with links to the later posts to make referencing them easier.
Link to first post: https://www.reddit.com/PrimarchGFs/comments/1ctd7ot/primarch_names_and_etymologies_part_1_iii/
VII: Regalia Dorn (Rogal Dorn):
This is one I’ve changed my mind on since discovering this subreddit and seeing many people settle on Regalia Dorn. I originally had Rigel Dorn on my list.
I think I deviated too far from the original feel of the name for the sake of preserving the same number of syllables and consonance. Rigel is the name of a star in the Orion constellation. It comes from the Arabic “Rijil Jauzah al Yusra,” meaning “the left foot of Orion.” Rigel therefore means “leg, foot.” I liked the connection with stability since Dorn knows the value of a good foundation. I think I also was trying to avoid having too many names that end in an “A.”
However, Rigel has a very weak connection to the sense conveyed by Rogal. “Rogal” appears to be a combination of “royal” and “regal,” which are doublets for “befitting a monarch.” In this respect, I think the name Regalia Dorn is superior because it too refers to royalty, meaning “royal privileges / powers,” especially in the sense of decorations and outfits indicating high office through their ostentation. Dorn’s gold armor and status as the Praetorian of Terra certainly fits this sense of the word “regalia.”
VIII: Kore Curze [Kor-Ee] (Konrad Curze):
Another literary reference, Konrad Curze is a reference to Joesph Conrad, the author of “Heart of Darkness.” The story is about the search for an ivory trader named Kurtz in the “Congo Free State,” an African colony of Belgium that existed from 1885 to 1908.
This discussion is about to get very serious (discussion of racism, slavery, and human mutilation), so please exercise discretion in reading further. However, I believe this historical context is necessary to understand “Heart of Darkness” and the themes that influenced the character of Konrad Curze.
Belgium’s King Leopold II privately owned the “Congo Free State” and unofficially owned the Congolese people as slaves. As an example of the sub-human manner in which the Congolese people were regarded by Leopold, approximately 300 Congolese people were brought to Belgium and put in a human zoo designed as a fenced-in parody of an African village. Seven Congolese died of illnesses while imprisoned there as the public was allowed to gawk at them.
Leopold’s demands for productivity from the colony resulted in the population being treated worse than animals for the sake of extracting resources such as rubber. Congolese people were shot to death for failing to meet rubber collection quotas. Their hands were then cut off by their executioners to prove the bullets weren’t being “wasted” or stockpiled for a mutiny. The hands of the Congolese became a perverse currency because companies in the colony could offset low rubber production by using the hands as a demonstration the company’s militia “resolved” the low production issues. The companies therefore incentivized their soldiers to harvest Congolese people’s hands by promising to shorten the duration of the soldiers' service abroad based on the number of hands collected. Eventually, soldiers realized they could save ammunition by cutting off the hands of people that were still alive.
In “Heart of Darkness,” Kurtz is an ivory trader that has gone mad from his participation in these atrocities against the Congolese people. Kurtz had wanted to “civilize” the Congolese, indulging in the racist idea that black people required the intervention of white Europeans to lift them out of “barbarism.” Over time, Kurtz grew accustomed to the inhuman treatment of the Congolese people and even started to like it. He managed to create a cult that worshipped him and wished to indulge openly in hurting people for sport, unlike the other colonizers that hid their inhumanity behind more polite motives like seeking profit. Ultimately, Kurtz adopts a nihilistic view of the world where no one has a right to judge his actions because the world allowed all this horror to happen on its own.
Curze is a derivation of Kurtz, combining the name with “curse.” “Cursed” pretty much describes both Konrad Curze and Kurtz. Konrad is, as mentioned above, a reference to the author of “Heart of Darkness,” Joseph Conrad. Conrad is derived from the German name Konrad, which comes from the Proto-West Germanic “koni,” meaning “bold, brave,” and “rad,” meaning “advice, counsel.”
The themes of engaging in atrocities out of spite for the world itself are present in both Curze and Kurtz. Needless to say, this is the grimdarkest of all the primarchs and one a noblebright setting will have to do a lot of heavy lifting the rehabilitate in a manner that is narratively satisfying. I wanted the new name to reflect this shift.
I could not find a feminine alternative for Konrad. Konstance was tempting (I’m fond of Konnie Curze), but I figured if I was going to deviate from the original name’s etymology I should try to tie it to the theme of darkness in a way but with a more positive connotation.
The word “koni” reminded me of the Greek “Kore,” an epithet for the Greek goddess Persephone. Kore means “The Maiden.” Persephone is the daughter of the harvest Goddess, Demeter. The god of the underworld, Hades, kidnapped Persephone and married her, though the relationship appears to be one of the more consensual ones in Greek myth beyond that detail. Demeter withdrew her power over the crops and brought on winter while Persephone was gone. However, Persephone had already eaten food in the Underworld, which bound her to that place eternally. The gods negotiated a compromise with Hades whereby Persephone would remain in the Underworld for part of each year, resulting in winter, and return to the surface for the other part of the year to appease Demeter and bring on the growing season.
Popular modern interpretations of Persephone tend to be of a pretty girl that causes nature to bloom spontaneously around her before mean old Hades captures her and brings on winter. However, the myths are quite clear that Persephone embraced her role as Queen of the Dead.
Persephone is referred to as “dread Persephone” in “The Odyssey,” indicating the sense of horror the character is meant to evoke through her status as Queen of the Underworld. The epithet Kore was a way for worshipers to refer to Persephone without uttering her terrible name. The practice is similar to the Arcadian worship of the goddess Despoina, which literally means “The Mistress.” Despoina was closely identified with Persephone and may be an older goddess the myth of Persephone arose from. The goddess’s real name was either unknown or a secret and worshipers only referred to her as "The Mistress" to avoid taking her name in vain. This is a convention familiar to Abrahamic faiths, which often use variants of “God,” “Lord,” or other euphemisms to refer to their singular god.
I like how both Kurtz and Persephone / Kore go into their own types of darkness and meet two different fates. Kurtz goes into a darkness created by humans and is consumed by it. Persephone is taken into the darkness that awaits us all in the end and accepts it. I felt this corresponded better with a noblebright take on Konrad and his struggle with the clarity of his own destiny.
Thought of the day:
Fear the shadows; despise the night. There are horrors that no man can face and survive.
Feel free to leave a comment on these submissions and this project generally. I look forward to sharing more with you next time~

My daughter was born during the peak of the pandemic so she wasn’t very well socialized during the early years. She’s managed to adjust fine to school and interacts/plays well with kids her age.
However, whenever we have family get togethers where my sister’s husband is there, or my husband’s sister’s spouse, she immediately goes from happy to terrified/timid. If either of them make eye contact with her, she starts to cry! We rarely see them except for major family gatherings like birthdays, Christmas, etc. and our daughter didn’t see either of them much until she was 1.5-2yo.
It’s gotten to a point where the BILs sometimes just don’t show up to avoid upsetting our daughter… when they do show up, my husband or I have to hold her while she burrows her head in our shoulder and closes her eyes. This has been going on for the last 2 years, since daughter was 2 years old.
Has anyone had a similar experience? If so, any advice would be much appreciated!