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Just another fun little story idea I had. I am still working on Humans are the violent ones but I like to bounce around and experiment with ideas to see what I really like. I also suck at writing more casual stories, as they give me severe writer's block as I try to map out how to make a scene feel genuine in my head, but I promise I'll update that soon. If you like this story and want to see more, then like and comment. I'll gladly continue this series as well.
Start of Personal Log
Humans don't like being told what to do. They don't like being commanded, put in their place, or snubbed. It was an inexorable, inalienable trait of humans, at least any noteable humans, to go against any authority that they believed was against their interests.
Humanity would not fit amongst the stars. Few ever did. It was a trait of most successful species to be willful, ambitious, and to desire more. But once they reached the stars the new (and simultaneously very old) pecking order either quashed any spirit such species had or simply eradicated them. Countless tomb worlds and diaspora served as painful reminders of what became of the nails that chose to stick out. The hammer of order would always strike. There could be no compromise, the very soul of the authority that held the Jurisdiction together relied on a show of unmatched power, or at least the illusion of item.
In reality, the Jurisdiction was an old, fat, and lazy beast. It filled its belly on the corpses of empires far and wide, and sated its bloodlust on the shattered dreams of hopeful cubs. It had every right to, for none could challenge it: there were no new frontiers to explore, nor were there any other enemies to conquer. The Milky Way, as humans had so strangely dubbed our cradle galaxy, as well as Andromeda, had long since been warred over and settled for millennia before humanity had arrived, bright-eyed and with familiar yet otherwise foolish dreams of cooperation and prosperity. The Jurisdiction did not cooperate, nor did it ensure prosperity. Oh, it claimed it did, but in reality it simply took. The rest was just the peace that came with not being the direct target of the biggest fish in the pond. The humans didn't like that, but they had no choice.
Slavery was a common tribute. The Jurisdiction had no use for other resources: it simply took. No, it wanted those who could facilitate that unequal exchange, those raised in a world where the only morality was the one set by your lord. The Jurisdiction was held together by expectations, obligations, and dury more than any kind of shared dream, so when you were ordered to take you did so without question. Humanity was new: they had no niche or value that set them apart, but they had a penchant for killing and taking, so the Jurisdiction gave them a taste of how the galaxy worked. They killed and they took. The humans didn't like that, but what choice did they have?
Humans were strange. They learned, but not in the way most species learned. Most species learned to adapt in a passive way, to adhere to the world around them. They flowed like water, moving past and around obstacles and confirming to the boxes they were assigned too. Humans didn't confirm, nor did they adapt: they made their circumstances fit their desires. They would not move around obstacles, but rather smash through them, and they refused to stay in one box for too long. The Jurisdiction merely saw them as a particularly loud nuisance, but those who faced their wrath knew better.
It is said that when a beast seeks to make an example, it shall humble its rival by killing it's cubs. Children were one of those universal constants that brought entire communities together: the Sok’klar saw their hatchlings as gifts, shaped by the fruitful currents of the universe in perfect harmony. The Yarrack saw each and every newborn whelp as an uncut gemstone, ready to be shaped into something magical. Humanity oftentimes referred to their offspring as angels, or spirits of unbridled good sent by the gods themselves. Children were seen by most of the galaxy as gifts.
The Jurisdiction saw them as a lever to inflict suffering. It had become quite effective at enacting psychological punishments on those that stood up and spoke out. You dare to disobey? You believe you can speak out? Your gifts shall be taken from you, and you shall be without joy.
Humans didn't like this, but the Jurisdiction would have their pound of flesh, and humankind would kneel. And they did. But humans were patient creatures: most species who retained that trait of willful spit also lacked patience.
I had long since become desensitized to the Jurisdiction’s actions: it was simply how the universe worked now, as if it were a constant akin to gravity. Cruelty was the unspoken rule of this seemingly unending age, where our lives never appeared to move forward or backwards, only lay dormant. The Jurisdiction had been the unyielding authority that ruled the galaxy for thousands of years, venerable yet feared all the same.
And for the longest time I was just another cog in its wheel. My name is Kalnuracht Sedjuur-Noumar VII, and was the scion of the noble house Sedjuur-Noumar. I was born into what most would describe as veiled apathy, living a life that could be attributed to the privileged class of feared scribes that enacted the will of those above. I was an administrator and nothing more. And now I am doomed to be far less than that in the eyes of my former constituents within the endless administration. I am the only scion, as is tradition, and without an heir I am the last of my house, our name to be scrubbed from the records, worthless, meaningless, and forgotten.
I am merely Kalnuracht, nothing else and nothing more. I have seen from their eyes, the eyes of the downtrodden, and it makes my crimes of association with the Jurisdiction feel all the more damning on my worthless soul. I am worthless to the world, and this is my story.
End Personal Log #1
Start of Neural Lace Narrative Log #1
They came from the black like carrion birds in the night, encircling our convoy as if it were a dying animal ready to be picked clean without remorse. There was no warning, no list of demands sent out as civilized peoples did, nor was there either any requirement for unconditional surrender nor chance to parlay, as was done so under letter of marque: this was an unmistakable call for violence and nothing else. They sought to reduce us to slag and scavenge the rest.
So, as one would expect, the entire bridge of the ship was nearing a panicked state. This was not the actions of those practicing civility, but rather the common behaviors of despoiling barbarians, the kind that tore their way through the dark reaches of the galaxy as if they owned it.
“Wayfinder, what do your probes see?” Shouted the ship’s sovereign. He was an older Kar’Rowmach, an amphibious cephalopod species with a venerable history within the Jurisdiction going back thousands of years. Normally one such as him would be above me if it weren't for the fact that I was under the authority of the Jurisdiction’s seal of office. He didn't like me very much, but most of his kind shared the same sentiment.
“All dark, honorable Sovereign: the sensor arrays are wailing but the feedback we're reviewing is beyond incomprehensible,” the wayfinder replied with a certain restrained temper in his voice. The Sok'klar wayfinder swayed gently, his tentacled limbs grasping different metallo-liquid braille output arrays, the liquid gallium flexing and reshaping unnaturally to allow him to to take in multiple different sources of sensory output at once, with the primary navigation computer plugged into the cybernetics surrounding his opaque, gelatinous head and plugging directly into his tube-shaped brain.
The Sovereign cursed in Loskat and pointed to his bridge crew while I simply sat in the back, near the Sovereign’s symbolic throne. “Prepare countermeasures and spool up the warp drive, we cannot allow the amanuensis to be taken! He carries sensitive information that only he can translate and transcribe!”
As the bridge crew nodded and began fiddling with their own systems, I preened my feathered hide anxiously. I wasn't a fighter: us nobles of the cloth were the educated minority above all else, not those who waged war or partook in hard labor. Special cybernetics in my brain allowed me to translate triple-encoded messages that usually took a ducal signet codekey or above to parse, but even without that I was a skilled mathematician and logician. I had terabytes worth of knowledge stored within the hardware installed in my head, all well protected of course, but if I were to die it would still be a waste. I could only imagine the damage any malcontenders could do with it if they were able to get their filthy hands on me.
Suddenly, the ship rocked, and the gallium overhead display began to form crescendos like I'd never seen before. “Sovereign, decks A-3 through C-12 are venting atmosphere and our coolant systems have been obliterated,” the Wayfinder spoke in an almost serene voice, as if he was completely unconcerned by current events. I knew they were simply incapable of tonal displays, but it was unnerving nonetheless. “Once we jump, we will not be able to risk another until the vacuum of the void can reduce temperatures to acceptable levels within the plasma capacitors.”
“Damn them,” the armored nautiloid hissed, his barbed feelers coiling in frustration, “May the currents take them. What are our options? what can we see? This fleet cannot fall to the void today, not with such vital cargo.” My hackles rose lightly at the Kar’Rowmach referred to me as some object rather than an esteemed amanuensis of the Jurisdiction, but I bit my forked tongue. Now was not the time to squabble with the sovereign over who was what and what titles I deserved, not while he was so desperately attempting to keep what semblance of order within his fleet that he had left.
I could not blame the crew for being panicked either: wars were practically mythologized now, having been long since rendered obsolete with the rise of the Jurisdiction, and that felt like an eternity ago. Now, either being levied into or joining a ducal naval force was simply another career, more akin to serving as an officer of the law rather than a fully fledged soldier. Minimal training was required, most of it being the technicals of one's duty rather than any kind of combat conditioning, so expecting a fleet to actually be prepared for a combat scenario in a universe where peace was the norm was laughable.
“We are practically blind, Sovereign,” stated the Sok'klar Wayfinder, “our probes are offline, and shipboard graviton displacement sensory arrays have been rendered unreliable at best.”
“What about the particle emission array? Has there been a spike in radioactivity where we were hit?”
The Wayfinder seemed to think for a second, his gelatinous form flexing and morphing a bit before answering. “Affirmative, a jump from negligible to forty billion becquerels along decks A through E-5 on our starboard side.”
“Torpedoes…” the Sovereign hissed, stroking his barbed feelers, “Human Torpedoes. Only those primitives would rely on crude nuclear warheads.” He then turned to his militant leaders on the ship. “Noddos, Rel’ads: organize your phalanxes and prepare to repel boarders. We are bound to be assailed by those rancorous primates, and I want their skulls piled at my feet if they dare set foot on our ship.”
“Your wish is our command, Sovereign,” the two militant commanders spoke as one. Noddos, a large bipedal with multiple sets of curved spines running down his back, a pair of graceful horns sprouting from his head, and multiple rows of sharp teeth in his snout, bowed first, followed by Rel’ads, a marsupial with long saberteeth and thick fur. They both must have been fierce warriors in their own right to each lead a phalanx. They wore thick, semi-powered armor and held dueling polearms alongside their usual plasma casters, and seemed completely unfazed by the situation we were in. As they stomped out of the brightly lit bridge, I let out a quiet squawk of discontentment. “Sovereign, why haven't we jumped again? We are wasting precious time.”
“I am working on it, you spineless beaurocrat!” He warbled back, his feelers tensing in anger, “besides, it's not as if you're the one who will be spilling blood today, amanuensis, so flatten your wretched beak or I shall weld it shut with a plasma torch.
I was about to reply with something indignant, but the ship rocked again, this time causing the lights to flicker and the air to become… thick. The skin under my feathers began to blister, and I became lightheaded and confused. “Seal the damnable vents, initiate radiation scrubbers, and activate secondary life support!” Shouted the Sovereign, “Their nuclear weapons are rendering the ship inhospitable!”
I coughed up magenta blood accidentally, and I could feel more seeping from under my eyes. Some of the crew was in a similar position, but others were more resistant to radiation than I. The Sok'klar seemed completely at ease as he ran his tentacles across his morphic braille arrays before calmly announcing the ship’s status. “I've regained some control over our probes: ten, twelve, and seventeen are active and fully functional, the rest are either still malfunctioning or permanently inoperable. A rapid rise in localized radiation is also interfering with the detection of graviton displacement; we can't sense photon redirection, thus readings will remain inconclusive.
“Wayfinder, damn you, get me some kind of out here! We're easy prey until we can respond in kind!”
“Negative, something has gone awry with our processing hub, I am attempting to troubleshoot-”
And with that, the Wayfinder’s bulbous head exploded in a cascade of opaque lavender blood, covering the front half of the deck crew like a morbid art piece. Some of the crew screamed and shouted in terror before removing their cranial adaptors and choosing to interact with their displays manually. Others died just as quickly, unable to unplug in time as their brain stems fried or their blood boiled. It was a horrible way to go, having your insides neutralized by your own cybernetics, so I was glad I wasn't connected to the system.
“Cybernetic warfare! All systems are to be considered compromised, switch to manual settings or you'll be killed!”
The lights in the bridge flickered again, and the displays went haywire. The bridge crew, which obviously weren't acquainted with working without being hard-linked into the mainframe, moved at a much slower pace.
“Launch missile pods A through F and set to self-target after five hundred kilometers, then rely on their ballistic coordinates to begin firing broadsides! If we can't see the humans due to their meddling, we'll just have to feel them.” Shouted the Sovereign, “and got me a detailed report on the ship’s diagnostics readings. I need to know if this flagship is still capable of escaping or if we'll have to scuttle it and retreat on another.”
“Acknowledged, Sovereign, launching now,” affirmed another deck officer as he swiped across his own gallium output array. I could hear the dull thunk, thunk, thunk of missiles pushing out of their pods before racing off to their intended targets, then the mechanical whirring as the pods rotated to be reloaded by slaves in the lower decks. I was regaining my bearings as the many horrible sensations of being overwhelmed by radiation poisoning were beginning to subside, but I still felt as if I had been microwaved. The air was stale, the crew was horribly sick as well, and even the sovereign himself seemed to be on his last leg. I was beginning to believe that I might die here.
“Sovereign, a message from the lower decks,” shouted a communications officer, his chitin scraping against itself as he turned quickly, “they're requesting reinforcements, something about being overrun.”
“Impossible,” the Sovereign hissed out in a vain attempt to exude confidence, “We must outnumber the humans, they always go for bigger targets out of arrogance.”
“I've received reports that it's not just humans: the primates seem to make up only a third or so of the assailing force, along with some Phaeldaer and Vrex.”
The commander slammed his clawed hands down on his own output array in a fit of rage, obviously overwhelmed by the circumstances, “Then this wasn't just a typical assault, but something more sinister!” The nautiloid warbled, blood seeping from his shell as the full effects of the radiation took hold, “Get Rel’ads on the line, have him divert all spare lances to the lower decks or else we'll lose the only offensive capabilities we can use.”
“Rel'ads has gone dark, Sovereign, his vitals are critical.”
“Then either get me Rel'ads tail-leader or get me Noddos!” He screamed in rage, “don't give me this nonsense! If we don't pick it up we're all going to die, is that what you want?”
“No, Sovereign, I'm simply overwhelmed-”
“We're all overwhelmed! By the tides, I'm dying of radiation poisoning you nincompoop! Get me something I can work with!”
The officer didn't even acknowledge the Sovereign after that, simply turning back to his display. Eventually, the Sovereign was able to get Noddos on the line.
“Sovereign, two thirds of my phalanxes have been decimated by combat with the primitives and the radiation, the rest are in shambles. We must retreat and fortify elsewhere!”
“Then the ship is compromised! Rel'ads is unresponsive and the lower decks are swarming with intruders. We must evacuate the amanuensis to another ship.”
Just as the Sovereign spoke, I heard several gentle thumps rattle against the bridge’s door, and it made me uneasy. Some of the bridge crew seemed to feel the same, as they looked incredibly nervous and some even drew their sidearms. Just as the sovereign turned to give further orders, the door blew inward with a deafening explosion, followed by shouting and gunfire. Several of the bridge officers were dispatched quickly, brain matter and blood splattering against the delicate electronics. Others were shot in the legs, the torso, or in any other exotic yet non-vital body parts. The humans poured in, brandishing primitive ballistic firearms and jury-rigged energy weapons while wearing scavenged, legion-grade powered armor.
The Sovereign was the next to go, but he wasn't afforded an honorable death. He was shot along the arm with a particularly potent plasma caster, burning off his clawed hand and cauterizing the wound, the acrid smell of roasting chitin filling the already hot and cramped bridge. He fell back against his output array, the gallium reaching new highs and lows as more diagnostics and casualty reports were delivered, and he clutched his stump angrily. “I'll burn every last one of you in the foundries! I'll tie you to stakes, cover you in wax and set you alight! Your screams will be broadcasted all over the galaxy!”
One human warrior stomped up and slammed the butt of his rifle into the sovereign’s face, shattering his facial plates and causing blue blood to splatter across his section of the bridge. “Shut the fuck up, you mutant lobster,” the human said before dragging him by both antennae towards the center of the bridge and receiving a stained breeching axe from one of his comrades. “Emmanuel, start recording. We need proof.”
The other human nodded and pressed a button on his armor before lifting up his gun again. The rest of the humans fanned out, holding everyone else at gunpoint. I tried to get up and sneak out, but a human grabbed me by my neck and nearly wrung it out as he forced me to my knees and pointed a sidearm to my skull. “Get down, you piece of shit, before I blow your brains out too.”
“Damnable primate,” I hissed, but he bashed me in my skull with the base of his sidearm’s grip and sent me sprawling, making my already pounding headache worse. Another human shouted at him in a language I didn't recognize, but he sounded furious. The first brought me back up to my knees again, and I complies with a hiss and a groan, blood still leaking from my eyes and mouth and my world was spinning.
The Sovereign struggled, but he was weak from the radiation poisoning and he couldn't exactly resist on account of his lost arm. The human with the breaching ax kicked the Sovereign down and forced him to kneel before lifting up the breeching ax and splitting his chitinous head down the middle with one powerful swing, sending more blood and brains across the floor. “Execution confirmed, take his antennae just in case and we've got ourselves a bounty. Now all we need is that ugly cat’s teeth and the fat hedgehog-thing’s grimy spines and we'll be in business. Although, they do have skulls… we might as well just take their heads.”
The real horror of the situation dawned on me at that moment: they were going to kill us all, or maybe worse. They mentioned a bounty for the commanders, and multiple of the higher ranking ship officers were already dead, their brains splattered against the walls or their bodies torn apart by gunfire. I wasn't dead yet, but that didn't mean much since I wasn't an immediate threat.
“Alright, round them up and bring all the grunts to the hanger bay, then kill the rest,” the leader of the humans said in such a lackadaisical manner that his complete disregard for life almost made me sick… almost. I had seen worse from the Jurisdiction before, but usually that was from me delivering some kind of ordered judgment on a world that had sinned against order. I might have simply been the messenger, but I had seen many of the outcomes. “And make sure to collect whatever proof of bounties you can, we'll need to deliver them to the office to get cashed out. Don't let this be a repeat of last time where Juarez fucking forgot to take a few heads and it ended up cutting our profits in half, the fucking retard.”
Some of the humans chuckled at that as they dragged more of the senior officers away, out of the room and into the hall,where I heard gunshots. The rest of the bridge crew froze in place, different fear instincts kicking in. The remaining Sok'klar corralled together into what seemed to be a singular, semi-congealed mass as if to try and trick the humans into believing that they were much bigger and much more threatening than they actually were. The one Thei’chi on the bridge, an ensign who had clearly thought this would be a simple mission, bore her curved fangs at the humans and growled as they approached, her hackles completely vertical and her eyes dilated. They quickly muzzled and bound her before beating her over the head with a gun stock, sending her sprawling onto the ground. Many others simply cooperated, eyes wide and yet simultaneously empty, as if they couldn't quite process that the ship had been taken and the commanding officers were being executed as the rest were escorted to the hangar.
“Get the damn messenger down to the hanger as well, we need whatever data's in his ugly lizard head, then we can decide on what to do with him.”
I spat at him in spite, as if to try and seem brave, but it was clearly an empty gesture. “You won't get anything, primate! You couldn't possibly crack the encryption!”
The human holding me seemed to wind up for another swing, but the commanding officer simply held up his hand to stop my tormentor before strolling over to me. He knelt down and removed his helmet, revealing a beige-colored face covered in scars, wiry black hair cut down to the scalp, and multiple tattoos. “You're really fucking mouthy for a hostage,” he said before punching me across my beak faster than I could register. I heard a sharp crack as his fist connected, and my head spun again as the metallic taste of blood pooled into my mouth. “I'd advise you to shut up, but I'm sure you won't listen: you aristocratic types are so full of yourselves. Maybe I should have you flogged in the public square until your vocal chords give out once we rip those cybernetics from your head, huh? How's that sound?”
“It won't matter… it won't change anything… the Jurisdiction will hunt you down.”
“Maybe, but I doubt it will happen for some time: they really suck at doing anything that requires effort, even when they're mad enough. They just keep sending their rabid lapdogs to try and smoke us out, and they always end up full of holes,” the human officer said with a smirk, his yellowish-white teeth and green eyes sending shivers down my spine as he drew his knife. “They're just horrible at their job, you know? You've all gotten so lazy and incompetent after being able to just take what you want without resistance, and now that you've met people who are angry and crazy enough to fight back you act as if we're committing some grave injustice,” he placed the knife against my throat, the flat just underneath my now bent beak, “No, we just took a few pages out of your book, ‘cept we've got standards. No kids, for one…” he seemed to look off into the distance as his sneer deepened, “but it's more than that, we don't attack the defenseless in general and we still win against you all in fair fights.”
I went to say something else snarky, but he quickly grabbed my thin tongue with his fingers and yanked it out, blood from my mouth pulling to the floor as he held the blade of his knife against it. “No no, none of that. Say one more thing and I'll cut that rancid little tongue of yours out of your mouth and feed it to you,” he hissed at me, pressing the blade down just hard enough to draw blood. “Do you know what it's like to see a planet turn into a tomb?" he asked me, gritting his teeth, “Do you know what it's like to see everything you've ever known crumble to ash and glass, all the life and the green stripped away leaving nothing but bones? I do. I've seen it happen to countless worlds, and my grandfather always told me stories of how you bastards did it to Earth. He still prays in its direction five times a day, to Mecca, but he knows the Kaaba is gone now, or maybe it's still there, buried in the bones of those who sought refuge there.”
I didn't care for the human’s nonsensical beliefs, but I did care to correct him. “I've seen it before, and I'll see it again. And so will you, it's inevitable. The Jurisdiction will always have its judgment fulfilled, there is no alternative.”
“One day, I hope we can rectify that,” he said, then he sheathed his knife and slammed my head against the metal floor with enough force to nearly knock me out. As I lost consciousness, I could hear him speak. “Take him to the Chop Doc, and make sure the cybernetics don't get damaged: they're supposedly more valuable than any bounty on this ship.”
Warning: Severe radiation poisoning detected. Flush system immediately.
Warning: Neural Lace removal detected, chance of neurological damage high. Proceeded with caution.

I feel bad for Hating my nephew. My nephew is 13. My family has had custody of him since January of this year. My nephew in all fairness hasn’t ever really had it easy. His father left when he was 3. His mother never remarried but became very close to an old friend, who proceeded to raise my nephew as his own. From the ages of 4 to 11 before he passed away. Granted my nephew however is not an easy child. His issues started when he was about 8 years old. Setting fires, stealing things, stealing from his school, pathologically lying, and getting violent. He used to beat his mother black and blue, and yes despite being small and young, my sister is a skinny twig, so he really packed those punches and cause she would bruise very easily. He’d call her a shit mom, tell her to fuck off, the cops had to called countless times before he was even 10. To the point the cops just stopped responding even telling my nephew “ he was a very troubled kid, and the cops wouldn’t even react if his mother flipped the switch and beat him”. Countless hours of medication and counseling seemed to only stop the fires, not the lying or stealing. He would threaten his stepdad by telling him he was not his father. Because he couldn’t attack my brother in law as he was a 6’5 250 man, he’d hurt him by destroying his dead fathers memorabilia ( his father was a pretty small town famous tattoo artist and show performer). So that was all my brother in law had left of him, and my nephew would destroy it. I’ve had to run over and help my sister and him rein my nephew back in. One night we asked him to please put the stack of clean ceramic plates away, he Argued and thought it’d be best to just raise them up and slam them down on the kitchen floor. I was not wearing shoes and got cut a bunch from the shards flying. As time went on and the more difficult my nephew got, my brother in law and sister started to drink. Not much and not all day or everyday. Talking to my brother in law privately he’d cry and be so stressed he was losing weight. He became more and more withdrawn. Finally he got incredibly sick and was given a couple months to live. The stress combined with the alcohol caused his organs to fail. I feel I share my head with 5 other people, my psychiatrist thinks it’s part of my schizophrenia. So while I consciously don’t blame my nephew for my bother in laws death, the other people in my head certainly do. My sister shutdown while still trying to deal with my nephew. She called me one morning begging me to come over while crying. I walk in to her asking my nephew to please get dressed for school, she’s tired of getting truancy letters (he’d run away before school would start, he was 10 at this point), only for him to scream at her “shut the fck up you stupid btch). He knew I didn’t play like that so as soon as he saw me albeit sobbing he put his clothes on and I walked him to the campus and watched him go in ( sometimes he’d head to school but never actually go in). When he was 12 so last year my sister really hit a new low, got a new man, who In turn gave my nephew a gaming computer, consoles and vr headsets. He’s now acting like a 26 year old computer addict.
I think my sister let it happen because she had been dealing with my nephew by herself for years, and at this point I think she didn’t care what he did as long as he wasn’t screaming, swearing, breaking things or hurting her. Like I said we’ve had him for awhile, him living with us has been hard. Food constantly goes missing, he constantly lies, or takes peoples things and won’t admit it. Some days my mother is understanding and forgiving some days she doesn’t seem to notice anything. She is 74 and doesn’t notice a lot. I’ve noticed my nephew is also a great gaslighter and manipulator. So he can convince her that he accidentally took her brand new towels and threw them away by accident, or that he doesn’t know how a broken bowl wound up underneath his bed. And most times my mom just accepts his answers while not understanding why I’m getting on him so hard. I had a breaking point a few weeks ago, I know it may seem small compared to what others think. But we had just a conversation with him about not eating peoples ice creams (that’s the biggest thing he does is takes sweets) we tell him just ask and we’ll be more than happy to share with you. I had a frozen yogurt I was saving for after my physical therapy appointment. Came home. It was gone. I asked him and he screamed and cried he didn’t take it. I found the remnants later and sent him a video to only then did he confess that he had taken it. Lately my other sister who lives with me and along with her kid can’t take it anymore. Even though it’s easy for her to block my nephew out as she has her own kid, she can’t stand the yelling when he’s on the computer or coming home and everyone’s fight with him. She is moving out this summer, and I’m planning on moving out next January. I have attachment disorder. I love hard and easily but once you screw that up it doesn’t come back to me easily.
Before my brother died I hadn’t spoken to him in 10 years after what he said to me during a depressive episode when I was 10. I didn’t like him and I wanted nothing to do with him as he himself was an alcoholic with anger issues. Point being I’m seeing my nephew the same way I see my brother. I admit I don’t like him. I admit I try to tel myself repeatedly he’s been through sh*t and he needs help but a part of me is like “ you’ve been his half parent since he was 3 and you’ve been trying to reel in his behavior since he was 8. He’s now 13. So yes it’s getting harder and harder to have sympathy for his situations. I don’t really acknowledge him anymore other than when I am giving his cat back (his cat is a kitten and can’t be left alone while he’s in school so I take care of him during the day). I noticed I don’t respond anymore when he says “ I love you”.
I am bipolar and schizophrenic. When I start to lose my shit my moms all confused as to why and I point out to her my conditions and tell her it’s been a long time coming. For a bipolar person to always keep their anger under control 24/7 for 5 months is very hard and yes sometimes my brain just spills out. Don’t worry I’m still mentally there so I understand it’s best not to have a meltdown in front of children which is why I always retreat to my room and don’t come out for the day. I’m torn because I am the family caretaker. I take care of the dogs, cats, 7 chickens, the gardening, the cleaning and the cooking and cleaning up the kitchen. As I said my mother is 74. She’s had nothing but screwed up children all her life since she was in her 30s. 5 kids and all of us ended with some mental illness or another. I know she’s tired, and I know she’s breaking down (I’m sorry I’m starting to cry). I’m scared to move out cause I’m afraid the difficulty of raising my nephew is gonna stress her out so bad she too might die sooner rather than later. She was already very physically sick last month. She’s mentally stressed out and always exhausted. My sister lost custody of my nephew as I said.
I truly believe part of the reason she refuses to fight for custody of my nephew is because she doesn’t want him and his behaviors backs. From vandalizing the school property to stealing from people, she is over it, my other sister is over it, I’m over it but trying to be strong for my mom. And my mom I think is just numb from him. We’re great at still doing what an auntie and grandmother should do. Play with him, listen to his rants, try to calm him down when he’s mad. Gently point out his mistakes, take him out to a movie or food, or the arcade. But it’s all a facade internally. I won’t even mention how a 13 year old treats female classmates or his perverted views on them. We’ve have to tried to get him admitted, we’ve tried medication, we’ve tried counseling but this child knows he can just run away and refuse. The cops have given up on doing anything with him. So for the time being, everyone has to hide they’re stuff in personal fridges in our bedrooms. Good we don’t want taken or missing. I have cameras in my room, the garage has a motion sensor light, we all have to hide out debit cards and wallets as he’s been known to steal those as well countless times. It sucks. I know deep down subconsciously I love him like a little brother. Consciously my schizophrenia does not like him. I have the type where I hear, smell or have multiple voices in my head. Like I said it’s like having 5 other people living in my head. Luckily my schizophrenia is controlled heavily by therapy, medication and as I know the difference between right and wrong, and can comprehend one’s emotional well-being so I never lash out at anyone but it doesn’t stop the voices from speaking they’re truths. Sucks watching him walk in and the voices immediately saying sht like “ yea he’s gonna end like all the screwed up men in this family” Guys he’s only 13, he’s been through stuff “Shut up OP even you’re sick of his sht, you can’t even say I love you too back when he says it”
I know I just freeze up cause emotionally I’m conflicted, I’m trying to give him the benefit of the doubt and have hope. But in that moment i don’t how to respond when he says that.
“B*tch you’re on your own, all of us have no hope”
I’m at a loss of what to do. I want my own space for my mental wellbeing. Yes having the second floor and balcony to myself is nice but I feel I need my own own space. But I’m terrified of leaving my mother alone with the animals, house and mostly my nephew. I am however forcing her to go to Barcelona for a month, so I’m hoping that’ll at least give her brain time to relax. I’ve talked to my counselor and therapist, they are kind of at a loss of what to do as well. Except increasing my dosages especially on my anxiety meds. I don’t mind it but it makes me very stoned out and that makes me fall behind in house tasks, cause I’m just tired all the time. I’m scared, I’m tired of crying, I’m tired of being angry, I’m just tired. Between the house, yard, animals, my nephew, and my mothers well-being, I’m very tired. I’m sorry for the long rant, I’ve been sitting on this for a while and I feel I can’t tell anyone. Just need it out.

So I(23f) am not from the US and I met this Capricorn man(25m) on tinder I guess in 2021. In 2021 we rarely talked. In 2022, I decided to go to the US for working holiday,and I chose the state which he lives in. Then after that we texted a lot, we talked a lot, he pushed me to practice English. He also asked me if I wanted to get a tattoo with him when I went to the US, and also we did have a mutual song playlist on Spotify. When I went to the US in 2023, we did meet. But I think things went wrong like it’s a lo no story. I am a Taiwanese, there are 4 Taiwanese in our dormitory including me. And there’s one woman who’s two years older than me. At first, she asked us what’s our purpose coming to the US for working holiday, and we said to experience different cultures! Guess what her answer was to get a US boyfriend. And since the guy I met wanted to visit me, finally I said yes, but also since he said restaurant might closed when he arrived here cause he lives three hours away from me. Hence I asked him if he wanted to come to our dormitory and I could cooked for him. Because he’s coming to our dormitory, the other three people had right to know there’s a man coming. Then I told them, and the sister who’s older than me kept asking me the guy’s information like what he looks like what’s his job. And after she watched his pic, she was like no way he’s handsome he’s scam. Then guess what, that day he arrived early. Originally I wanted my friend accompanied me to have dinner with me and the guy. At the end, that woman said she’s coming with me lol And yea anyways she liked him immediately which made me feel uncomfortable and not happy that night. And the guy told me “ I don’t want to upset you but she connected with me on instagram “ Since this happened we became kind of awkward And since he said he wanted to know both of us. And I was like ok then I gave up you can get to know her only. After that I just posted a story which is I talked to another guy on Snapchat. After he saw it he just added a song “ wonder if she loves me by JVKE” and I was really confused. Also, after I came back to Taiwan I did send him a package of snacks from Taiwan and I wrote a letter to him told him that I’m really happy to meet him cause he’s the best and I am sorry I didn’t talk much when I’m with him actually I wanted but my English is not as good as that woman, and I wanted him to come to Taiwan we can have more time to see each other and get along. He’s happy with that and he also said sorry things didn’t work out that he can’t see me more and he’ll save money so he can come to Taiwan. And just couple weeks ago, I randomly asked him “ do you like Joanne (the woman)more?” And he said “ what” then I just said “ just ignored it my friend used my phone lol” Then he read my text without respond. My final point is just couple days ago he added couple songs into our playlist and the meaning of the songs saying like “ I’m falling like the rain”,”I know that we can’t be friends”,”you are everything I need”,what if we fell in love? What if we are us? Would you love me?”
I am just feel confused why he doesn’t just text me directly? I don’t really know what’s on his mind and I have never been in a relationship I really don’t have clue
Can someone who’s Capricorn ♑️ can give me advices? And he’s added these songs lol

Cross posting;
Hi! I escaped human trafficking over 5 years ago, and am ready to start thinking about covering up my branding tattoo. I have used chat gpt to help generate an idea. And I could cry at how perfect the result is.
The branding is HUGE black letters on my lower back-mid lower back.
I would like any opinions on or ideas from others as well. So here goes it..
I also need someone to draw it, and tattoo it. I need it to be amazing.
After getting ideas I put together a rising Phoenix, the universe, and forest and mountains. Some of my favorite things, as well as so meaningful to my situation.
Here is chat gpts generation:
Covering a branding on your entire lower back with a cohesive and meaningful tattoo is a wonderful idea. Here’s a refined design concept for a "Phoenix Ascending from the Cosmic Forest" that will effectively cover your lower back:
Design Concept: "Phoenix Ascending from the Cosmic Forest" Central Element: Phoenix
Position: Center the phoenix on your lower back, with its body starting near your spine and wings extending outward towards your sides. The tail feathers can flow downwards towards the lower part of your back, integrating into the other elements. Design Details: The phoenix should be depicted in mid-flight, rising from the base of your back upwards. Use vibrant colors like reds, oranges, and yellows for the phoenix, transitioning to cooler tones like blues and purples as it ascends. Surrounding Elements:
Mountains
Base: Position the mountains at the bottom part of your back, forming the foundation from which the phoenix is rising. The peaks of the mountains can blend into the lower feathers of the phoenix. Design Details: Use a mix of sharp and soft lines to create a sense of grandeur and strength. Add shadows and highlights to give depth and realism. Forest
Foreground: Place the forest above the mountains, around the lower part of the phoenix’s body. Tall trees can rise on either side of the phoenix, their branches possibly intertwining with the phoenix’s wings or tail feathers. Design Details: Include details like leaves, rays of sunlight, and small animals to bring the forest to life. Use earthy tones like greens, browns, and greys to contrast with the phoenix’s vibrant colors. Universe / Star / Galaxy
Background: The cosmic elements can fill the upper part of your lower back, blending into the background behind the phoenix and forest. Swirling galaxies, nebulae, and star clusters can create a dynamic, ethereal backdrop. Design Details: Use deep blues, purples, and blacks with bright whites and other vivid colors for stars and galaxies. The phoenix’s upper feathers can appear to dissolve into stardust, seamlessly blending with the cosmic background. Additional Elements: Add constellations that hold personal significance or shooting stars to symbolize hope and new beginnings. Color Scheme
Phoenix: Warm tones (reds, oranges, yellows) transitioning to cool tones (blues, purples) to depict the transformation from fire to cosmic energy. Mountains and Forest: Earthy tones (greens, browns, greys) to ground the design and contrast with the vibrant phoenix and cosmic elements. Universe: Deep blues, purples, and blacks with specks of white and bright colors to represent stars and galaxies. Placement and Flow
Lower Back: The design should flow naturally across the lower back, covering the branding completely. The phoenix should be the central focus, with its body starting near the spine and wings extending outward. Integration: Ensure the elements (mountains, forest, and cosmic background) blend seamlessly with each other, creating a cohesive and unified piece. Working with a Tattoo Artist Consultation: Discuss your vision with a professional tattoo artist who specializes in cover-ups and detailed work. Bring reference images and explain the symbolism and significance of each element. Customization: A skilled artist can customize the design to fit your body’s contours and ensure the cover-up is effective. They can also suggest additional details or modifications to enhance the overall piece. This design concept not only covers your branding but transforms it into a powerful symbol of your journey and resilience. The combination of the phoenix, mountains, forest, and cosmic elements creates a rich, layered narrative that reflects overcoming adversity and rising anew.

Where do I begin. For the purpose of this post, I will use fictious names and locations as it is ongoing, and out of respect (even though she doesn't deserve any)
My name is Daniel. I am 35 years old, and i am dying. I have a disease called systemic sclerosis. I am currently on a supplemental disability plan, until I get approved for SSI (social Security). Until then, my income is about 4K a month. I own a home but after child support and bills, NOT INCLUDING gas, food, haircuts, medical appointments, and or emergencies like my fridge just broke. (which i never go out) I am left with $260 that has to last me a month. I also have three children who I have to take care of half the time per the 50/50 agreement.
Recently, I found out my oldest, (who is 13) is not biologically mine. I decided to look into it as I had concerns for a while since my divorce as her cheating was very rampant. I also had caught her in 2017 with a man in my house, which is what prompted the divorce. But FL being a no fault state, doesn't matter. I also had to pay child support since the beginning and WHILE LEGALLY Married since 2010 because she had applied for financial support like food stamps and government assistance then. I know what your thinking. Why didnt you stop it then? I tried. You cant take yourself off child support. I also never grew up with a father and wanted that two-parent household. I don't run from responsibilities, like he did. Its how I was raised. Anyways, I married her, tried to do the right thing, she lied numerous times. she never worked, and I worked 90 plus hours a week. To look into her cheating, was impossible at the time as I was never home. and to busy providing for my family.
fast forward to now. My disease started to become worse and over three years; it didn't reveal itself until last year fully to actually pinpoint what this was. for instance, I had in 2019 pain behind my eyes and horrible headaches to the point that I thought I had MS. following year, I had trouble swallowing for 3 months. next year itching in the skin for three months. But prior, I had visited various doctors to see what was going on, each time a flare up then would last 3 to four months, which again, when you don't understand what's going on, you need to take time off to go see doctors, run tests, but this illness was and still is very elusive. with that being said I had 5 jobs since its first flare up till last year to continue to support my family and to pay child support. as of last year. I'm having trouble moving on certain days, breathing and acid reflux and muscle atrophy. (disease progression) especially when this is going on, it worsens everything as this is flared up. I was working under the table to try and make ends meet as I was paying child support still. I should add that the child support with 50/50 custody was $1029 for three kids cause I was making six figures at the time of divorce in 2018. Last year however, I couldn't work anymore, and filed for disability.
In june of last year, I had asked Susan, to get the children school supplies, (which she never does) as I was still paying at the time $1029 in child support. She said she didnt have the money despite now making 70k and her new BF living with her and is working whom she cheated on me with. With me working under the table, I bought them clothes, haircuts, school supplies (ive done every year) but then, I noticed she went on vacation to puerto rico and got a giant leg tattoo. At the time, I had already known what I had, and I asked myself why the heck am I doing this? So i turned to an attorney to get it modified. Again, this is June 20th to be exact of last year. My lawyer, stated that this was only going to be a 90 day turn around for the temporary modification then we will go for the final.
Since then, I have gone for a DNA test. I had to know. I am dying. I wanted to know. And you may judge me for this. but i have filed for disablement for paternity, meaning I am removing myself from the birth certificate. However, in the state of Florida, a mother can deny this and so can the courts. before you judge me, I have many reasons none of which have to do with him other then his mental disability (Aspergers) This illness, as days go by takes more and more from me. As previously aforementioned, I am left with 250 a month. I cannot go get a drs appointment pay for groceries or start planning my funeral which I will start making payments on soon. He also eats three times the amount that we all collectively do (Not his fault) but I have paid enough both mentally and financially. He also has trouble communicating as my suspicions is, that he was born of incest (gross) which is why I was 'chosen' to be his father at the time. Before you ask how do you know? Lets just say she had an uncle 'leave' during that time.
anyways, in February, I had the temporary modification hearing for child support and needless to say it was a circus. My doctor was subpoenaed to be there by my attorneys request to better my argument, even though I felt we didn't need her, she advised me to have my doctor there. Well, he attorney attacked my doctor and me for an hour and 40 mins when the court case was only supposed to go for an hour. He said "you saw another dr Max so and so and they said it was all in your head" (again I had flare ups on a illness that hadnt revealed itself correctly since last year). So there argument was that I was doctor seeking to avoid child support. After I have paid for 13 years never missing a payment. Her lawyer also targeted people who are living with me. Now I'll admit that I said they were friends which is true but how else can I pay for my attorney? Cant work, cant sell drugs, cant rob a bank? So they want to take there income into consideration. BS. She also hired a private investigator to watch me exercise outside and stated that because I can exercise, I can work..... Ok. Where's the 23 hours of the rest of the day watching me in pain. or when do you have me on video of a flare up from this terminal illness? (that's what I wanted to say)
Although I was granted the temporary modification, of $209, I left the court thinking wow, this woman can cheat, commit paternity fraud, not give two craps about our children, live with her mom in a section 8 home, and here I am doing whatever I can and I've done nothing wrong but be lied to and this is how my government, my country treats me? No wonder men my age dont have children this is insane. The paternity issue wasn't even brought up they said that this isnt the place for this and that the disestablishment will be another trial for those wondering. My lawyer only spoke for 5 mins. Asking her about her income cause thats the only thing that has changed since 2018 since she didnt work at the time. Other than that, it was an attack on me and my disease arguing my ability to work.
after leaving that, I didnt eat for 96 hours. I have since been crying nonstop. Compilating suicide. I am already heart broken about my son not being mine. Sure does a terminal illness make me said, no question everyday. But a life wasted on another? Cause I decided to be a man and take up responsibility? thats soul crushing. And to say "well, there is a big chance the courts will deny your request' thats BS. If i go to prison because I was accused of a robbery for 13 years, and DNA evidence proves I wasnt there, I get out of jail and can sue. This is no different. If anything, DNA evidence needs to be more of a factor in family law than in almost every court of law if not as equally important. My bad for not investigating her infidelity not only in the beginning but also in the end. How about not being a POS. sorry rant over
gets better. Her mom and dad smoke in the section 8 house, kids reek of cigarette smoke and marijuana, all day. they dont take showers there, they were hand me down clothes, they live in the garage shared with there mother, that isn't air conditioned. and he makes only a few thousand less than I do a month. She stated in court that she pays her mom $500 in rent which is BS, she is only doing that now so that she makes herself look bad. I know she is doing pills, like oxy and what not. Id love to prove it.
after the temp hearing, in april, I had to go to court to contest my drivers license suspension as I hadn't paid child support since, august of last year. again, there is no way, I can pay my bills, feed my children, go to the doctor, pay my lawyer to end all of this BS and pay the current child support amount. and again, this final hearing is still not set yet. So they intercepted my tax return, even though the temporary modification was approved, the final is what gets it retro backed to the date of filing, so they took, a much needed 5500 tax return from me. I needed that cause one of the issues I failed to mention as well, hurricane Ian has destroyed my home and I'm still going through that process too. not to mention I am on payment plans with Mayo clinic and other various medical facilities. (no one cares) but the interest that accrues, makes it impossible to catch up. also, Florida department of rev is overstepping I feel, and asking for medical info to be sent to them as well as updated doctors letters to be sent saying that I am still on disability.
a few weeks ago, I got an email from my lawyer having a withdrawal notice from her lawyer. in the withdrawal, he stated that he cannot represent her, due to something she may have withheld or lied about (more or less wasn't worded like that but you can tell). In feb court appearance they never produced the PI report, or videos, they had medical info they shouldn't have had, and they had very outlandish comments about my lifestyle. So my lawyer filed immediately a motion to compel. meaning, we want to see everything you have on my client. this was filed almost immediately after court appearance on feb 20th. Susan has failed to provide any updated info requested by my attorney so on june 18th, we have that upcoming hearing.
in the mean time, I have sent my lawyer, a very heavily requested topics, such as "where did they get my medical records, if those were lies, what are the consequences if any"? What did exercising have to do with any of this despite various drs saying he has to or he will get worse.
I know wat you must be thinking, what about your oldest, how can you do that to him. Please listen. This woman has taken everything from me. And i mean everything but the roof over my head. I am seeing a therapist to help with the suicidal thoughts. it isnt enough. the reality of it is, I chose to be loyal and it bit me in the butt. This disease will rob me of everything, my teeth will fall out ( I had 5 cavities last time I went to the dentist) I haven't had a cavity since I was 30 and even then I was suspicious. And I am brushing 5 time s a day to save them. My skin is tightening, and my arms and muscles are wasting. I will literally be left with nothing. My organs will also start to harden, and I will have to start getting around the clock care.
I forgot to mention they (child support) recently, sent a letter to SSI (social security) saying that they would garnish my SSI before I even got it, totaling $1029. the incorrect amount. I sent this to my lawyer and she is looking into it. But it shows that child support will overstep and breaks every law or freedom you may think you have. I DO take care of my children. if they need a haircut i do it, school supplies clothes, anything I do it. And I do it, cause she wont. What I want to leave you with, is that woman can be dead beats too. Child support was designed to have woman off of government subsidized programs like section 8 food stamps and what not. Also to make the man pay for their children man or woman I should say, I know this. I am not running from my obligation. I just want Susan, to have to pay for what's she's done to me and the kids.
I would like to hear your thoughts on this, please comment and share, all names are fake, but everything else is unfortunately real. I know it was wordy, but I wanted to provide as much backstory as possible. And please. Respect my descions. When you are end of life, I hope someone would be kind enough to respect yours. You may not agree and that's ok, but I am asking you to respect them. Thank you for reading.

I am looking to get a Kanji tattoo, but I’m not sure what kind of artist to go to for that. I’ve been looking for artists who specifically speak Japanese or Chinese in my country, but haven’t had any luck.
Should I go to an artist who does Japanese style Irezumi tattoos (or other Asian styles)? Even if I don’t see any examples of them doing any sort of letters?
Or should I go to an artist that focuses on Lettering?
Or should I go to an artist that focuses on Calligraphy?
Other ideas?

I am not The OOP, OOP posted from 2 accounts: u/ThrowRA_Elisax & u/WanderingInMyDreams
I (25F) have face blindness, my BF (24M) likes to test me. How do I make it clear this is not okay?
Previous BoRU
Originally posted to relationship_advice & AITAH
Editor's Note: Prosopagnosia, also known as face blindness, is a neurological disorder that makes it difficult to recognize faces and facial expressions
TRIGGER WARNING: emotional abuse, manipulation, sexual assault
Original Post Apr 4, 2024
Hi y’all, sorry for posting this. If it’s not okay, I can delete it.
I’ve been with my bf for almost a year now. I love him dearly, and he loves me too (I’m guessing) but there’s one thing that’s causing a lot of issues for us.
I suffer from prosopagnosia/face blindness, which means it’s really hard for me to recognise people’s faces. I usually go by other characteristics to put a name to a person, like hairstyle/facial hair, marks, skin colours, accessories, etc. But it’s still really tough.
It’s caused me severe anxiety & other mental health struggles.
I’m lucky to have wonderful people around me though, who are aware & try to help. They’ll introduce themselves when we start talking, wear something they know I’ve linked to them, or whatever.
Usually my bf does this too, but sometimes he likes to ‘test’ me & it’s incredibly stressful. He shaved of his beard once, a few times he wore a completely different style of clothing, or changed his hairstyle, all without warning me. In those moments he won’t tell me who he is, or say someone else’s name, just to see if I’ll figure out it’s him. He’ll make jokes saying he’ll try to switch with one of his friends & see if I’ll stay ‘loyal’.
I usually do realise it’s him, but it causes me a lot of anxiety.
We’ve had big fights on this. He says he’s allowed to change his look (‘i’m not a cartoon character’), I ask him to warn me.
Don’t get me wrong. He cares about me, but I don’t think he get’s how stressful it is. How do I make it clear? (We have A LOT of great times together, there’s just this bump.)
Update: It’s hard to imagine I made this post 19 hours ago & now I’m in the middle of breaking up with him. I’m very tired so I’m going to keep this short.
I went to talk to him, showed him this & told him he can’t do it anymore. The conversation was.. a lot. First he was angry I made this post, then he was angry I was taking it all so serious. Lot’s of apologies & so on.
He again said he was just trying to make a tough situation more light, I said it’s too much. He said I can’t take a joke & I need to let him be him. That he always tells me when he’s been joking and if he was really keen on hurting me he’d just do things & not tell me, so him telling proves he cares. (That one got me v uncomfortable.)
At one point he said he just wanted to test if it was real, because I could just be using it as an excuse to do anything. I left after that cause we were just going in circles. There was a lot of me making an issue of ‘one small thing’.
I’m exhausted. He’s still blowing up my phone with love & apologies, but you guys made me realise a lot. Thanks, really. I’m trying to stay rational about it but it’s hard, because I do care about him a lot.
I’m gonna get a few hours of sleep. Thank you again.
RELEVANT COMMENTS
CheapDepth2155

He is messing with your safety does he not realise that?

OOP

I don’t think he realises how confusing it all is. There’s been a moment he did the opposite, acting all weirded out when I thanked him for a nice date, saying it wasn’t him and though I knew it was, I still started to doubt myself. He did say it was a joke soon after but it caused such a panic. He hasn’t done it again but it took me a long time to feel comfortable again.

shitmykidsays

Making someone feel unsafe is not a joke. Gaslighting someone you care about is not a joke.

~
blueavole

Holy smikes that’s terrifying.
Not to recognize a familiar face with a major change like that. - that is like nightmare fuel.
That your bf does it to you, multiple times on purpose is scary.
I don’t know if there is a way you can explain it to him if he doesn’t get it. It seems he enjoy your panic. Which is not a good thing in a partner.
If this was my partner I would get a tattoo or something. And I don’t have any.

OOP

My dad actually got a tattoo on his arm for me, which is a great comfort.
I hadn’t realised how messed up everything is, until reading all these replies.

~
LegitimateDebate5014

Your boyfriend is basically abusing you in emotional situations. He thinks it’s hilarious you struggle and get severe anxiety which isn’t normal, nor does it mean he cares about you. This is a huge red flag

OOP

Abuse is a really big word, but I do agree it’s not okay. I’m seeing him soon, we’ll see how it goes.

Update Apr 8, 2024
Hi y’all. Hope it’s okay I post a little update. Things went bat-shit crazy.
A lot has happened in the last days.
I’m really grateful to you all, honestly. I wasn’t aware about the real meaning of his ‘pranks’ and what it said about him & our relationship.
I went to talk to him the same evening I made that post, with the intention of making clear he can’t pull all that anymore.
The conversation ESCALATED.
We talked for hours into the night & every day since. There’s been a lot of messages.
He got angry about the redditpost I made (I showed him), angry at you guys, angry that I couldn’t take a joke & listened to strangers.
Said things like he in the beginning didn’t believe I actually suffered from it, and would use it as an excuse to cheat on him. That now he does believe, but - due to bad break-ups in the past - he has a hard time trusting I won’t use it as an excuse regardless.
Said he was joking about it because he wanted to make a tough situation lighter & that’s just his sense of humour. That if I loved him, I’d accept that.
When I made it clear I was done, it got even worse. He began apologising a lot. Said he didn’t realise it was such a big thing for me (again, didn’t make any sense with all said before.)
In the same breath he said that he at least told me. (To the people who thought he actually had planned to trick me by using one of his friends, I think y’all may be very right.)
To be honest I was done. I do care about him a lot (can’t just shut that off), but it’s never going to work.
There’s been many many messages/calls/etc.
He dropped some vague hints that sometimes he pulled ‘pranks’ I wasn’t aware of. I don’t know if that is true, or he’s just in a bad place right now.
He also came to my place to apologise again. But I suspect he didn’t expect I’d immediately recognise him, as he didn’t apologise till I said his name.
He’s not evil, but just very messed up rn.
I blocked him everywhere, told him not to show up anymore & that a friend would give him his stuff.
I’m going to delete this account soon but, I wanted to thank you guys for helping me realise it. I genuinely don’t think I would have. I’m heartbroken, but a bit relieved as well. Thanks for all the support & kindness.
RELEVANT COMMENTS
trippyhippy

I'm glad you broke up! Someone who loves you shouldn't ever do that to you.
Just curious about your condition. Do you also have issues with recognizing voices as well as faces? I can only imagine how hard it must be to deal with.

OOP

Actually voices are one of the traits I go by to recognise someone! Voices, posture, tattoos, hairstyle, and so on.
Thank you loads.

NEW UPDATES

AITAH for not giving my ex the closure he’s asking for because he messed with my face blindness? Apr 21, 2024
This is probably a bit stupid but that boy has got me questioning my own mind. Either way, sorry if this is a bother.
I broke up with my bf a few weeks ago. I had realised - in part thanks to Reddit - that some of his behaviour was absolutely not okay & when I tried to talk to him, the conversation escalated to me breaking up with him.
I have a pretty severe case of face blindness/prosopagnosia. It means I can’t recognise/remember people’s faces & go by other characteristics to try & put a name to someone. (Voice, (hair)style, posture, etc.) People around me know & introduce themselves when we meet & other things to make it easier. (I have a lot of anxiety because of it.)
He used to try & test me, which gave me a lot of stress. Changed up his look without warning to see if I knew it was him, and a lot more. He called it pranks. (He is a jokester.)
So, we broke up. It’s been a lot. He’d been calling/messaging non-stop with both apologies & non-apologies, ‘till I blocked him.
In moments of a lot of emotion I said things like I never wanted to see him again, and he’d reply that he was hurt, that I wouldn’t even know if it was him & I was lucky he wouldn’t do it.
Made me feel icky.
He’s contacted me again yesterday - through a new account - saying he just wants one more face-to-face conversation, if only to give him his stuff that is still at my place & get some closure so we can both move on.
I said my plan was to get a mutual friend to bring it over to him. He was hurt.
He did seem a lot more calm than before & told me we were together for a year, he just wanted one conversation after I suddenly broke things off. That he had some time to process now, etc & that he doesn’t understand how he suddenly - after a year of loving each other - became so evil I couldn’t have one chat with him.
But I don’t feel good about it. My gut’s telling me this will not be a good conversation, my worst fears are telling me he might play a trick to prove some point.
WIBTA if I don’t reply anymore/just say no?
Edit: I didn’t expect all these replies. I hope it’s okay I respond like this. Thank you all, really. I think I knew already but somehow started to doubt myself. (The past weeks have been a lot.) I really appreciate & needed these words.
I’m ready for all of this to be over & done with.
Also just a little thank you in general. Reddit’s been a wonderful community & it’s helped me a lot.
Update: AITAH for not giving my ex the closure he’s asking for because he messed with my face blindness? May 11, 2024
EDITORS NOTE: Changed initials to names for easier reading
Here’s my previous post, for who’s interested. (And before.
Hi!
It’s been a wee bit, and since I’m still getting messages about this, I thought I’d just give one big update for this.
So more than a month ago I broke up with my BF because he kept pulling ‘pranks’ involving my face blindness. (I can’t recognise faces & am dependent on other aspects to recognise someone, and even then it’s still confusing.)
After that he’d been bugging me that he wanted to meet up, so we could get some closure. My gut was telling me not to, but I felt guilty.
With you guys’ advice (& my own gut feeling) in mind, I decided not to go. I asked a friend, Roger, to go bring him his stuff & kept him blocked - including blocking the new accounts he’d made.
Roger came back with a letter from him, to me. The letter in itself was v apologetic. He even said he was grateful for our time together & took full responsibility. It ended with him saying he’d respect it if I chose not to reply or message. Honestly, a lot of very respectful words.
I still decided not to get in touch. (Still trying to get over the break-up myself.) But I did appreciate it, till I found out he wasn’t letting go like he said.
Roger & some other mutual friends let me know he was asking them about me A LOT, if I had read the letter, if I was seeing someone else (already?!), and so on.
Couple of days ago he showed up at my place. He was clearly not sober & v upset. He just seemed so broken, so I - stupidly - let him in.
For a while he was just being miserably nice, while I got him water & stuff. But the more sober, the more angry he got.
At that point I messaged basically everyone I knew to come. I didn’t think he’d hurt me, but I didn’t feel comfortable being alone with him regardless.
Among the many accusations of me not even having the decency to reply, that I clearly never cared about him & that I was a horrendous person, he told me ‘I cheated on him & didn’t even know it’ so how could I blame him for not trusting me?
I’m not gonna lie, I was trying to stay calm but failed. (And I know I should have not lost my cool.) I screamed at him, asked him what he was talking about.
Apparently on a night out with him & others, he asked his friend Mike (who knows of my face blindness & has similar characteristics as my ex, part from a v different voice & smell) to ‘swap’ out with him, and kissed me. And I didn’t know.
I don’t know if he’s lying or not. But knowing I was drinking & in a crowded, loud room, I know it’s a possibility. Especially since Mike tried to kiss me another time, though then I immediately realised it was him & lost my shit at him. (When I told my then bf, he was more angry than I had ever seen him, so idk if that time was a ‘plan’ as well or not. Either way Mike is a disgusting human.)
I know it’s ‘just’ a kiss, but it did make me feel sick to my stomach just thinking about how they might have played me.
I told him to get out, he didn’t. Luckily it didn’t take long for some people to arrive & get him out. I’m endlessly grateful for the people I have around me.
I’m staying at my parents’ place now, took a break from work & am looking into therapy. My mom & dad (who got a tattoo years ago just so I would never doubt it’s him) are treating me like a princess & reminding me of the kindness people deserve.
Haven’t looked into a restraining order, but might if it continues.
Thanks to you all for helping me see what’s right in this situation. Reddit has been a wonderful community I am very grateful for. I probably won’t update anymore, as this is over & done with. But I’m glad I got to pour my heart out to y’all.
THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP
DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7

I held through Quad Witching Day. All of them.
I held when GME was put on the SSR…again
I held while I watched Uncle Bruce on YouTube
I held while I learned about tendies, diamond hands, and your wife’s boyfriend
I held through Redditors donating to The Dian Fossey Gorilla Fund
I held when we learned that Kenny doesn’t share mayo
I held through ‘flash crashes’ and ‘short ladder attacks’
I held when DFV quadrupled down at $155
I held through Daisy Ridley pointing at me every day saying “You’re not selling.”
I held when they told me "iTs All oVEr bUY SilVEr"
I held through the Shareholder vote
I held through the Lego invasion
I held when Gamestop tweeted “Oops, MOASS, my bad”
I held through the invention of Knights of the New
I held through WHALE TEETH FOR MOASS
I held through the addition to the Russell 1000
I held through the Rick_of_Spades, uh…fulfillment
I held and bought the dip before the rip…over and over again
I held when Gamestop changed it’s logo to monochrome
I held while we tracked Kenny’s jets
I held through the Q1 earnings release
I held through the dip after the Q1 earnings release
I held through July 14th, Bastille Day
I held when the mods did a live broadcast from the shareholder meeting
I held through RUNIC GLORY
I held when Melissa Lee said “Naked shorts, yeah” on national television
I held through the creation of Satori
I held through Today’s the Day guy, and Elliot Waves Guy
I held through the “buildings with lights on” phase
I held through people losing bets and eating Ghost Peppers
I held through the #CitadelCokeBreak drone video
I held through Low Volume Guy and Sideways Trading Guy
I held through CONE POO SHARE
I held through the Q2 earnings release
I held through the dip after the Q2 earnings release
I held through #kengriffinlied
I held through the initial DRS rush
I held through GMErica
I held through the Wu Tang album reveal
I held through T+35 and T+12 and all the T+
I held through the Fidelity push
I held through #MGGA
I held while Reverse Repo guy and Gherkinit gave us daily updates
I held through the first RobbingHood lawsuit…so far
I held through the SEC “report”
I held through Raven5150 asking GME to moon already, so he could sleep in for once
I held through Kenny’s “bad comedy joke.”
I held through the Dorito of Doom
I held through the rumors of a Loopring partnership
I held through the Fidelity exodus when they “accidentally” reported 11 million extra shares available to short
I held through the Toys for Tots blitz of 2021
I held through Kenny announcing that he was a gamer
I held through the second DRS rush
I held through the Evergrande collapse…again
I held through the JASON FUCKING WATERFALL filing
I held through Computershared showing 1 million shares DRS’d…so far
I held through the next day, when the earnings report disclosed 5.2 MILLION shares DRS’d
I held and bought the dip the next day
I held through the shuttering of Anchorage and Tybourne
I held when Jon Stewart showed the world how broken the stock market is
I held when therealpulte took Superstonk by storm
I held on April 16th, 2022, through the flurry of cat posts
I held when our chairman called short sellers ‘dumb stormtroopers’
I held when Ryan bought 100k new shares
I held when GME called for a vote to increase shares for a stock dividend
I held when we placed a TON of pixels on r slash Place
I held when Ryan took the fight to BCG
I held when Pulte did his Superstonk AMA
I held when Ryan Cohen briefly became Warren Icahn
I held when Pulte bought GME, then bought more
I held (and cheered) when $HOOD hit an all time low (again)
I held when the FBI arrested Bill Hwang
I held when Ryan Cohen tweeted about General Tso’s chicken
I held when GameStop released their browser extension wallet
I held when the S&P 500 hit a new low
I held when Ryan got his 8th booster and grew 2” taller
I held when inflation hit 8.3%
I held when everyone decided they liked the Spice Girls
I held when 100% Utilization hit 69 days and counting (nice!)
I held when Gabe Plotkin decided he was going to wind down Melvin Capital
I held when GameStopNFT tweeted their first tweet
I held when the daily RRP hit 2 TRILLION DOLLARS
I held when GameStop released their Cypto wallet
I held when RC tweeted about Uranus
I held as Diamonthände patiently announced the opening of the German market…again
I held when the CTB Rate went through the roof
I held when Superstonk released the KenGriffinLiesBot
I held when Dave Lauer sent his anti-PFOF petition to the SEC
I held when ElTristesito ate the mayo. All of it
I held when BluPrince headed off to the big green candle in the sky
I held when Maxine Waters released the congressional report.
I held when we hit 100% utilization for 100 days in a row
I held when they announced a 4 to 1 stock dividend
I held when that guy locked his grandma in a cage
I held when RC tweeted “Whoops” and dropped the NFT Marketplace (at 4:20pm)
I held when the Marketplace launched with a Ready Player 1 level Easter Egg Hunt
I held when that marketplace did 3 million dollars worth of business in two days
I held when Blockbuster started tweeting…and Ryan Cohen answered
I held when GME did a stock split distributed via dividend
I held when all hell broke loose after that
I held when the German SEC (BaFin) told brokers to assure delivery of a dividend
I held when multiple brokers affirmed that the DTC told them to treat it as a standard split
I held when GameStop released a statement reiterating that it was indeed a dividend
I held when everyone was randomly awarded with Sneks…again
I held on the day of the Golden Cross…again
I held when the towel stock went through the roof
I held some more when Ryan Cohen got out of the Bath
I held when VictoriousVTT got on Cramer’s show and said “Shorts never closed. Boom!” LIVE
I held when they released NFTs of Game Informer Magazine
I held when Robbie from IMX made the cover of Forbes
I held when Eat The Rich was released on Netflix I held when Koopapeter made his tattoo bet…and won
I held when Ben Bernanke won the Nobel Prize
I held when this totally nuts thing happened that proved us all right. Trust me, bro.
I held when Jon Stewart interviewed Gary Gensler for the second time
I held when RC tweeted a pic of him with Carl Icahn
I held when Gold_flake made a bet about a banana…and lost
I held when Fidelity posted their Meme Stock Guy Halloween costume…and I took that personally
I held when Ortex reported 115 MILLION shares shorted
I held when FTX shattered into a million little pieces
I held when our chairman broke 2 years of silence with a GMEDD interview
I held when the Gamestop Wallet was released for iOS
I held when the hedgies DRS’d 14 million shares…and pulled them out in Q3
I held when we STILL DRS’d an additional 500k shares on TOP OF THAT
I held when Reddit threatened to shutdown Superstonk for ‘brigading’
I held when SBF was arrested in the Bahamas
I held when Gamestop released it’s first PowerUp Rewards NFT
I held when [REDACTED]
I held when 2022 became 2023
I held when when Ryan asked us to draw him like one of our French girls
I held when Ryan bought AliBaba…or didn’t.
I held when Buck the Bunny took over the NFT Marketplace
I held when DFV’s brother became a minor celebrity
I held when everyone got excited about turtlenecks
I held when SVB blew up
I also held when Credit Suisse dropped 20% in a day
I held when 2022 Q4 announced positive earnings for the first time in 2 years
I held the next day when the GME jumped 35%
I held when Milan opened it’s first flagship GME store
I held when the Canadians bought all the GameStop blankets
I held when First Republic Bank failed…and was bought out by JP Morgan
I held when GS teamed up with Telos and announced GameStop Playr
I held when Matt Furlong was terminated as CEO
I held when Brian Sozzi wrote an open letter that trashed GameStop and Ryan Cohen
I held when Ryan Cohen responded by buying $10 million worth of GME shares
I held when Elixir announced a partnership with GS to help create GameStop Playr
I held when RC challenged Warren Buffett to a thumb war
I held when the SEC released a bulletin that basically said “BOOK IS KING”
I held when Dismal-Jellyfish predicted MOASS on October 24th, 2023
I held when the film “Dumb Money” was released
I held when the SEC announced they were investigating RC for his towel sales
I held when Ryan Cohen was named CEO of GameStop
I held when his email to employees was leaked two days later
I held when GME boosted 40%...on no news
I held when he re-tweeted a Mike Tyson tweet about pigeons
I held when RC became Chief Investment Officer of GameStop
I held when RCIO tweeted in Japanese
I held when the NFT marketplace was shut down
I held when AI predicted that GME would end 2024 at $34.73
I held when Ryan Cohen started looking for cloud engineers
I held when RCEO tweeted about P.E.N.I.S.
I held as I upvoted more purple circles
I held through countless articles to FORGET ABOUT GAMESTOP
I held when Roaring Kitty reappeared and tweeted for the first time in 3 years
I held when he tweeted again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again
I held when the volume skyrocketed.
I held when the stock was halted. Over and over and over.
I held when the price shot up to 80 (320 pre-split)
I held when the price worked it’s way back down.
And here we are today.
I’ve DRS’d and held on five different subs, for thirty six months, on the roller coaster ride of my life.
I held through all that.
AND I’M NOT LEAVING

For 16 years my mil an oldest sil have been awful, after dealing with it for so long I developed ptsd from their treatment. I been NC since April and it is absolutely wonderful, I juss wanna talk about some of the things they've done.
After the birth of my first daughter mil an fil were telling bf to not sign the birth certificate, and the nurses were giving me such a hard time for him to sign the paperwork. So when he came to the hospital after work I told him they wanted him to sign the papers he was refusing to go get them from the desk an I just had a c section, so I got mad and walked down there and got the stuff from them an took it back to him he did sign but mil an fil were not happy... it has always been difficult with husband until recently believing me about how awful his mother is to me he didn't wanna deal with any of it an basically wanted me to take their torture which the end result was my mental health, makes me really upset cuz I could of been smarter and just left an maybe today I would be able to go into a large crowd of people without feeling scared an panicking. I can barely go into stores now. But anyway....
Bf was giving me money to help buy baby stuff it was 100 every week, he was also giving mil 400 a week. Mil an sil cornered me and threw a fit about he was giving me to much money. Which i find funny bc he was literally giving her a lot of money, I was also on government assistance for like 3 months an she said bf was entitled to half of that money.
Mil put her electric in bfs name (he still lived there) she let the bill go up to over 2000 dollars and didn't pay it off till he gave her problems cuz they were sayin his wages were gonna be attached, we had juss gotten our first apartment when they threatened to attach his wages. She lied to him about paying it she did some but not all and he still gets letters about that bill.
During the first couple weeks at our new apartment mil would bring a plate of food for just bf an would give me dirty looks while he was eating it 🤣
Now it gets interesting...
Fast forward to our second child mil stated to both of us the baby wasn't his but was my brother's 🙄 that was the first time she did anything Infront of him an he threw a fit after that its all been backhanded she'd do shit when he wasn't in the room.
I had gotten a tattoo on the side of my neck just a lil star and she said only trashy people do that, but it was ok sil got 2 on both sides of her neck.
Mil sil and sils friend came to our wedding in pajamas it was at the courthouse but everyone was dressed up
Mil took both bottom tiers of my wedding cake my friend made for me and my mom had to fight her for the top of it. She had also stole my first babyshower cake I didn't even get a piece
Sometimes on the weekends we would drink beers an have people over, sometimes sil would come over and few times she'd bring her friend and their mutual friend would come now I knew right away they did this on purpose and it was absolutely intentional they had this girl flirt with husband I over heard this girl say something about how her crotch would get so wet and I went off it caused a big fight and when I told that girl we were married she acted shocked an left immediately never saw her again.
Mil brought me pants of this really really big lady we all knew and said these should fit u
This one is the beginning of the end my father passed away and a month after was my youngest bday husband was outside cookin on the grill and mil and fil came in an mil starting making jokes about funerals even fil told her thats fked up. My mom went home later in tears. A few months later after that we learned fil had the same cancer my dad passed of.
Youngest sil overdosed 2 years ago and is bedridden now and mil takes care of her and her 3 kids 2 months before that happened we were all sitting at my kitchen table and mil told everyone idc what kind of drugs you do just don't get caught with them... I thought wow this is insane shit.
In February of this year I had gotten a fb message from someone idk and they were sayin all these things that would definitely make me break up with husband, in the messages they had given their self away sayin only things mil would of known. There was a huge argument and mil ended up writing husband f you and your family. Then all of a sudden sils friend gets a job at husband's shop an works with him... husband an I sat down and were talkin about how that whole thing was a big plan to get us to break up and sils friend to weasel her way into husband's life.
There has been so much more but those r the things that stay vividly in my mind. After the whole fb thing I was done an the last time mil popped up at our home an i had a panic attack she was told to not come here anymore of course she knows nothing and has done nothing wrong 🙄 an is currently telling people she doesn't know what's going on... she has to tell people that so she doesn't look like the bad guy cuz she has talked so much trash about me to everyone that they would know. She even sent her nephew to tell husband to call his mom 🙄 he never did... he texted her happy mother's day and she said to tell me the same from her I'm at the point I don't want to hear from her, don't wanna hear her name, I wanna forget what she looks like.
I forgot to mention they were all on m3th an that just amplified their stupidness which is probably why they thought that fb idea was the plan to finally get husband an I apart 😆 oldest sil is really bad on that stuff now an her life is Fallin apart everyone says she is goin down the same path as youngest sil but all they do is watch and talk about it.
If you made it thus far thanks for reading ❤️

I am planning to get my second tattoo. It's a meaningful quote for me. Be you for you. For my personal preference, I want to make it 2 lines. But it seems a little wierd as the whole meaning seems to be separated when I make it 2 lines. If I make it 2 lines, should I capitalize the first letter?
Any of your advice or suggestions would be so much appreciated. Thanks in advance and hope you have a great week ahead! :)
Be you For you
be you for you
Be you, for you

I am looking for a lady between 25 and 35 years old, for a committed monogamous childfree relationship. My goal is to become a true team, supporting each other, caring for each other, nurturing each other and helping each other grow and realise our goals and dreams as much as possible. I'm hoping to find someone that values a relationship as much as I do and takes it seriously. It's not the only thing my life revolves around, but it's also not just something 'nice to have' for me.
I am 186cm tall, slim/fit built, dark brown hair, brown eyes. Both my arms are tattooed (full sleeve), as are my calves and the areas above my ankles. Regarding pictures see below. I am a runner, training multiple times a week. I'm also vegan. My love languages are physical touch and words of affirmation. While I am mostly securely attached, withdrawing from me triggers anxiety and I have made a horrible experience with an avoidant partner in the past, so that is something I fear I cannot deal with again.
I am also an atheist.
I am a very warm, soft and sensitive person, I think I am humorous, I am self reflecting a lot and I can also be really passionate and romantic. Those are traits that also are really important to me in a woman.
I can be quite social, I am a good talker, but also love to listen to really get to know someone on a deeper level. I can enjoy an evening out with friends just as much as the silence of sitting at the shores of the river and watching the sunset in solitude (although I've been craving to watch it together with a partner for a really long time now). I can be out in a pub, at a rave, a metal show or at a football game and have the time of my life, but I cannot do these things every day; I need recharge time (on the sofa, in the woods for a run, a lazy Sunday staying in bed etc.). This should give you an idea; basically, I am a homebody that thoroughly enjoys going out in moderation.
I won't say too much about hobbies; suffice it to say I am into the dark, the obscure, the macabre, the occult, the mysterious, the erotic. It won't surprise you that I had a gothic phase in my youth, bonus points if you did too!
What I'm looking for
Although similar hobbies and interests are a plus, emotional and intimate compatibility are more important to me. I am a very sensitive and emotional person (I do cry easily and by this point I don't think I'll ever be able to change that, sorry), so if you're too, we will definitely understand each other. I need someone who I can open up to (which I do rather quickly, anyway), be myself, bare my soul to and I need these things from you, too. I've had my share of emotionally unavailable women who were afraid of intimacy so I know I can't deal with that again because of the way how those things affect me. I am always emotionally invested with the woman I pursue and in those cases that was to my detriment. But my ability to feel so deep is also something I wouldn't want to change because as of yet, although it's getting harder, I haven't given up on finding someone.
With those emotional needs come two requirements that I found to be vital over the years: First, being able to be silly and cutesy together and to accept each other's inner child and care for it. I am not talking about having to deal with another person's immaturity or inability to perform basic adult skills, rather with the way sadness, hurt, anxiety and being overwhelmed manifests for me (and maybe for you, too?). I need someone who is able to comfort me, to hold me, to allow me to be weak and needy for a while until I've calmed down, and I'm more than ready to offer the same. Your inner child can come out for a while, no problem (: Also in a positive way: Thankfully, today everyone seems to be understanding of the cuteness overload cats (or any animal baby, really) can cause; I need that with a partner. I also still have plushies as comfort animals and ideally, you do too.
Apparently in every relationship, one person is the stronger one. In the past, I have been with women who obviously were stronger than me, but that doesn't mean they always had to be strong, far from it. I certainly need to be able to feel protected, but it's not like I'm a particularly needy partner, like everyone, I have my ups and downs, but I can pull my weight and have been told by past partners that I am very caring and that they felt safe and understood with me, and providing that for my partner is really important for me as well.
Second, intimate compatibility. I am rather insatiable and love to experiment when it comes to the bedroom, so you should, too, in order that we can explore and enjoy together. I found out how fulfilling living out those fantasies can be after years of never being able to try and in a relationship, this kind of fulfillment for both partners is a must for me. I found the term 'filthy best friends and partners' to be a perfect description.
I'm looking for a balance between healthy independence and being emotionally present. A relationship where we 'get' each other; we're both each other's number one and treat each other like royalty. Where a disagreement leads to more intimacy between us as we understand better, not to resentment. Where we're comfortable baring our souls to each other, becoming a safe haven and secure base for each other. I don't like the modern notion that you 'should never feel too safe in a relationship' because that sounds like running from the mafia (and believe me, I love mafia movies); you should always put in effort, yes, but safety is one of the things I always want to experience and provide in a relationship. We shouldn't fear that a disagreement leads straight to breakup. I know ‘self-sufficiency’ is trending right now, but I feel like as partners, we’re partly responsible for each other and not our own but also each other’s happiness. Being dependant and dependable at the same time is important; making each other’s wellbeing a priority. If you’re not able to healthily depend on someone and their support while you’re having a hard time, look elsewhere. If I have to be afraid you’ll run at the first major problem that surfaces, even if it’s a ‘you’-problem, it’s not going to work. I think that all things can and need to be talked about. If you think ignoring someone for days is a form of communication, please look elsewhere.
I am looking for someone real. We all have our problems, I don't want or need a 'perfect' person. You don't have everything figured out or 'all your shit' together. Be imperfect. Admit when you feel sad and angry, lonely, hopeless or even helpless – it's all relatable. Don't hide it. Be quirky, be dorky, be witchy, opinionated, be yourself. Don't pretend.
I'm looking for someone to share romance with. Not great gestures, but small, meaningful ones. Poems for each other, expressing our feelings; cards with heartfelt messages that we put our perfume/cologne on, and a symbol that means something to us only, the print of your lips with lipstick, the way I sign and seal my letters for you.
Just as important to me is agreeing on living a healthy life, staying in shape both for ourselves and for each other, regularly working out and eating healthy. I am drug and disease-free and expect the same of you. I do drink as I love a good beer or glass of wine, rum or whiskey, but I've never really been drinking much and especially during the past year have further reduced it. One vice I have is that I enjoy a couple of cigars a year, but I can definitely accommodate you in this regard.
Another important point is aligned life goals: I value safety more than adventure. I want to build a home together with my partner, a safespace for the both of us, where we always feel loved and protected, a place that we create together, make it cozy together so we just love to get back home there wherever we might have been, a home we decorate together for Halloween (my favourite holiday) or Christmas or Springtime, as we live in tune with the seasons, enjoying nature on a walk or the rain outside, reading in our cozy home. I value stability and harmony.
Appearance-wise, I am into ladies on the smaller side), so I'm looking for someone petite/slim/skinny/healthy-fit. Likewise, I am not really muscular and don't have visible abs; like I said, I'm a runner, so if you're more into the gym-type, I'm not a good fit.
I’d prefer to move from text to voice calls, videochat and then meeting up, all of that rather sooner than later. Not that there’s a need to rush anything, but I’d rather see earlier if we’re compatible or not; as someone who catches feelings fast I need to protect myself.
Caveats

• I don't like travelling as it stresses me out; I don't mind being somewhere else for a week or two, but the organisation part of it drains my energy very quickly and dealing with stuff that doesn't work out is overwhelming to me. Smaller trips are ok, but I'm not the right person to travel the world with.
• I am not the most awake person in the morning (i.e. I identify as nightowl)
• I don't want children and had a vasectomy
• I need space for my own projects/time to recharge after social interaction.
• While I feel like I am in tune with my inner child and working on/with it through therapy, I realise this is something that could be a turn-off for people.
• I have been diagnosed with depressive episodes in the past and am taking anti-depressants right now. I realise that I am a work in progress, maybe more so than in times past, but I manage and the fact that I'm putting myself out here is based on me being ready to get to know someone new.
• I want to create a home together here, as I'm firmly rooted where I was born; I realise this is a lot to ask, but I have seen many people here being open to moving, so I want to at least try reaching out to them.

If you're interested, feel free to message me and include some pictures of yourself and I will reply with my own. Have a nice day (:

General
I am looking for a lady between 28 and 35 years old, for a committed monogamous childfree relationship. My goal is to become a true team, supporting each other, caring for each other, nurturing each other and helping each other grow and realise our goals and dreams as much as possible. I'm hoping to find someone that values a relationship as much as I do and takes it seriously. It's not the only thing my life revolves around, but it's also not just something 'nice to have' for me.
I tried to be as concise as possible while still providing what details I think are crucial to know; I realise this post turned out very long, but I prefer those because I can get as good an idea as possible with detailed descriptions, bar actually talking to the person, and find that very valuable, so if that also applies to you, that would be awesome.
Basics
I am 186cm tall, slim/fit built, dark brown hair, brown eyes. Both my arms are tattooed (full sleeve), as are my calves and the areas above my ankles. Regarding pictures see below. I am a runner (ranging from 5k to full marathon), training multiple times a week. I'm also vegan. My love languages are physical touch and words of affirmation. While I am mostly securely attached, withdrawing from me triggers anxiety and I have made a horrible experience with a fearful avoidant partner in the past, so that is something I fear I cannot deal with again.
I am also an atheist.
I am a very warm, soft and sensitive person, I think I am humorous, I am self reflecting a lot and I can also be really passionate and romantic. Those are traits that also are really important to me in a woman.
I can be quite social, I am a good talker, but also love to listen to really get to know someone on a deeper level. I can enjoy an evening out with friends just as much as the silence of sitting at the shores of the river and watching the sunset in solitude (although I've been craving to watch it together with a partner for a really long time now). I can be out in a pub, at a rave, a metal show or in the stadium watching football and have the time of my life, but I cannot do these things every day; I need recharge time (on the sofa, in the woods for a run, a lazy Sunday staying in bed etc.). This should give you an idea; basically, I am a homebody that thoroughly enjoys going out in moderation.
I won't say too much about hobbies; suffice it to say I am into the dark, the obscure, the macabre, the occult, the mysterious, the erotic. It won't surprise you that I had a gothic phase in my youth, bonus points if you did too!
What I am looking for
Although similar hobbies and interests are a plus (and there have to be at least a couple things we have in common), emotional and sexual compatibility are more important to me. I am a very sensitive and emotional person (I do cry easily and by this point I don't think I'll ever be able to change that, sorry), so if you're too, we will definitely understand each other. I need someone who I can open up to (which I do rather quickly, anyway), be myself, bare my soul to and I need these things from you, too. I've had my share of emotionally unavailable women who were afraid of intimacy so I know I can't deal with that again because of the way how those things affect me. I am always emotionally invested with the woman I pursue and in those cases that was to my detriment. But my ability to feel so deep is also something I wouldn't want to change because as of yet, although it's getting harder, I haven't given up on finding someone.
With those emotional needs come two requirements that I found to be vital over the years: First, being able to be silly and cutesy together and to accept each other's inner child and care for it. I am not talking about having to deal with another person's immaturity or inability to perform basic adult skills, rather with the way sadness, hurt, anxiety and being overwhelmed manifests for me (and maybe for you, too?). I need someone who is able to comfort me, to hold me, to allow me to be weak and needy for a while until I've calmed down, and I'm more than ready to offer the same. Your inner child can come out for a while, no problem (: Also in a positive way: Thankfully, today everyone seems to be understanding of the cuteness overload cats (or any animal baby, really) can cause; I need that with a partner. I also still have plushies as comfort animals (some of which in quite a litteral sense as they make for really amazing pillows) and ideally, you do too.
There is a saying that in every relationship, one person is the stronger one. In the past, I have been with women who obviously were stronger than me, but that doesn't mean they always had to be strong, far from it. I certainly, like I said, need to be able to feel protected, but it's not like I'm a particularly needy partner, like everyone, I have my ups and downs, but I can pull my weight and have been told by past partners that I am very caring and that they felt safe and understood with me, and providing that for my partner is really important for me as well – this just to put the picture I'm (somewhat haphazardly) trying to paint into perspective.
Second, sexual compatibility. I have a high libido and I have kinks, so you should, too, in order that we can explore and enjoy them together. I found out how fulfilling living out those fantasies can be after years of never being able to try and in a relationship, sexual fulfillment for both partners is a must for me. Someone on here has coined the term 'filthy best friends and partners' which I have no shame to be stealing because it's such an apt description.
I'm looking for a balance between healthy independence and being emotionally present. A relationship where we 'get' each other; we're both each other's number one and treat each other like royalty. Where a disagreement leads to more intimacy between us as we understand better, not to resentment. Where we're comfortable baring our souls to each other, becoming a safe haven and secure base for each other. I don't like the modern notion that you 'should never feel too safe in a relationship' because that sounds like running from the mafia (and believe me, I love mafia movies); you should always put in effort, yes, but safety is one of the things I always want to experience and provide in a relationship. We shouldn't fear that a disagreement leads straight to breakup. I know ‘self-sufficiency’ is trending right now, but I feel like as partners, we’re partly responsible for each other and not our own but also each other’s happiness. Being dependant and dependable at the same time is important; making each other’s wellbeing a priority. I love the relationship model outlined in Stan Tatkin’s ‘Wired for Love’ and you should, too. If you’re not able to healthily depend on someone and their support while you’re having a hard time, look elsewhere. I know codependency is the latest thing everyone’s afraid of, but experiencing someone you’ve grown very attached to just bailing because they’re counterdependent and can’t stand working on themselves while simultaneously letting you in is something I’d rather not go through again. If I have to be afraid you’ll run at the first major problem that surfaces, even if it’s a ‘you’-problem, it’s not going to work. I think that all things can and need to be talked about. If you think ignoring someone for days is a form of communication, please look elsewhere. If you think’s it’s okay to lovebomb someone and then leave after a couple of months with the minimum amount of information and no proper conversation because you’re not ready to own up to what’s happening to you emotionally, please look elsewhere.
I am looking for someone real. We all have our problems, I don't want or need a 'perfect' person. You don't have everything figured out or 'all your shit' together. Be imperfect. Admit when you feel sad and angry, lonely, hopeless or even helpless – it's all relatable. Don't hide it. Be quirky, be dorky, be witchy, be opinionated, be yourself. Don't pretend.
I'm looking for someone to share romance with. Not great gestures, but small, meaningful ones. Poems for each other, expressing our feelings; cards with heartfelt messages that we put our perfume/cologne on, and a symbol that means something to us only, the print of your lips with lipstick, the way I sign and seal my letters for you.
Just as important to me is agreeing on living a healthy life, staying in shape both for ourselves and for each other, regularly working out and eating healthy. I am drug and disease-free and expect the same of you. I do drink as I love a good beer or glass of wine, rum or whiskey, but I've never really been drinking much and especially during the past year have further reduced it. One vice I have is that I enjoy a couple of cigars a year, but I can definitely accommodate you in this regard.
Another important point is aligned life goals: many childfree people seem to be adventurous, but that is a trait I don't associate with myself at all. I value safety more than adventure. I want to build a home together with my partner, a safespace for the both of us, where we always feel loved and protected, a place that we create together, make it cozy together so we just love to get back home there wherever we might have been, a home we decorate together for Halloween (my favourite holiday) or Christmas or Springtime, as we live in tune with the seasons, seeing them change around us, enjoying nature on a walk or the rain outside, reading in our cozy home. I value stability and harmony.
Appearance-wise, I am into ladies on the smaller side (albeit not regarding height), so I'm looking for someone petite/slim/skinny/healthy-fit. Likewise, I am not really muscular and don't have visible abs; like I said, I'm a runner, so if you're more into the gym-type, I'm not a good fit.
The natural progression for me would be to move from text to voice calls, videochat and then meeting up, all of that rather sooner than later. Not that there’s a need to rush anything, but having my heart broken because I already developed feelings due to a longer timeframe and then everything unexpectedly turning to shit is not something I want to have to live through again. I’d rather see earlier if we’re compatible or not; as someone who catches feelings fast I need to protect myself, I unfortunately had to learn that
Caveats/Possible red flags

• I don't like travelling as it stresses me out; I don't mind being somewhere else for a week or two, but the organisation part of it drains my energy very quickly and dealing with stuff that doesn't work out is overwhelming to me. Smaller trips are ok, but I'm not the right person to travel the world with.
• I am not the most awake person in the morning (i.e. I identify as nightowl)
• I need space for my own projects/time to recharge after social interaction.
• While I feel like I am in tune with my inner child and working on/with it through therapy, I realise this is something that could be a turn-off for people.
• I have been diagnosed with depressive episodes in the past and am taking anti-depressants right now. I realise that I am a work in progress, maybe more so than in times past, but I manage and the fact that I'm putting myself out here is based on me being ready to get to know someone new.
• I want to create a home together here, as I'm firmly rooted where I was born; I realise this is a lot to ask, but I have seen many people here being open to moving, so I want to at least try reaching out to them.

If you're interested, feel free to message me and include some pictures of yourself and I will reply with my own. Have a nice day (:

Ive always been into drawing and i’ve been thinking about going into tattoo for a long time. I drew around 5 pieces, 2 full page portraits and then some lettering in tattoo style three years ago when I was 18/19. Life caught up with me and I stopped drawing for a while. Now I’m about to finish my college degree and thinking about my career. Everything I’ve learned about tattoo is appealing to me. I really want to pursue it seriously but I don’t know if my small portfolio is enough to start showing to tattoo shops. All I have are those five pieces, and another full page portrait I’m working on now. My style and talent haven’t changed much in those 3 years bc I haven’t been drawing. And my first 5 pieces were in pencil but I’m doing this new one in ballpoint pen. But those are the only portfolio pieces I have, everything else I have to show for myself is from when I was an art student in high school and those aren’t tattoo style pieces.