Www brazzers onlein ru
My husband got a vasectomy and didn’t tell me
2024.06.02 06:02 Choice_Evidence1983 My husband got a vasectomy and didn’t tell me
I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/Capable_Goal_6116
Originally posted to TrueOffMyChest
My husband got a vasectomy and didn’t tell me
Trigger Warnings: accusations of infidelity, emotional abuse and manipulation, betrayal
Original Post: May 18, 2024
Throwaway bc my husband knows my main. I don’t know what to do. My (31F) husband (32M) - fake name Chris, and I have been married for four years, together for six. When we first got together we had several long talks about how we both wanted a big family. I wanted to be very upfront that child free is not an option, and I said I wanted to have at least four kids. I’m an only child and know how lonely it is, I also said I wanted to have them about a yeayear and a half apart so they could grow up close.
He always wholeheartedly agreed to this and often made jokes like “whether we have 4 or 6, have as many as we want, it’s your call since you pretty much have to do all the work” and on our wedding day before we left the reception for our honeymoon he whispered “can we get outta here and get started on baby #1?” I loved how excited he seemed. To be clear I didn’t go off my BC until about two months after we were married and I got pregnant soon after with our first daughter Joy.
Joy was a happy pregnancy, long birth, but she was a beautiful, healthy baby. She went through colic which was trying, but other than that she was a happy first addition according to me. I noticed Chris became distant during my first pregnancy, but when I asked him about it he just said he had a lot in his mind being a new father. He said he was still excited, but something changed. For reference, we both work full time, I make about 20K more a year than him, and the five bedroom house that we live in was a gift from my mom who was very excited to be a grandma to many. My job is fully remote, but still offers maternity leave, and I have a nest egg savings for emergencies, and feel it’s important to mention this because I know finances can be a major stress factor when it comes to having kids, but not for me and Chris.
Then Joy came out perfectly, Chris had three months of paternity leave and was home with us for majority of that time. My mom visited a lot, and paid to have cleaners come. There were still a lot of long nights and it was tough for me to breastfeed, but overall nothing unexpected. Chris still seemed distant, but always helped with Joy. We have an agreed open phone policy, so I did check his phone quite often but didn’t find any sign of cheating. He goes through my phone whenever he wants too. I asked if he found me unattractive while pregnant and he assured me no, he loves me and he’s excited for our family.
Fast forward a year after, we’re sleeping through the night and I am back to work, saw my doctor and was cleared to try for bundle of joy #2, and Chris seemed very enthusiastic at this point. He even downloaded an app to track my fertility cycle so we could make the most of my ovulation times.
We had a lot of fun and he was always very passionate, but six months of trying with no pregnancy I started to worry. I’d voice my concerns and Chris would brush them off, so I tried to be patient, but then almost two years passed and Joy is growing up by herself.
I broke down to my mother crying and she agreed to come with me to the doctor to get checked out. I was very emotional and scared, but the doctor assured me everything is fine and that I should be able to conceive without any issues.
I went to Chris with this knowledge and he was very upset I went to a fertility specialist. I explained I thought something might have gone wrong during my last pregnancy, concerned that I was maybe blocked or infertile somehow. He said why not wait and “just let nature take its course” and I said “our little girl is almost three, and growing up by herself.” I reminded him of our plans and he just nodded and said all we can do is try. I asked if he would see a fertility specialist and he got angry, saying there’s nothing wrong with him and we don’t have the money for fertility treatments anyway. This confused me since we do have money, we have my savings and are doing pretty well.
When he went to sleep I decided to go through his phone again and went back through his calendar and call logs. I noticed about eight months after Joy was born there was a blocked day indicating he’d taken off from work, but it was in the middle of the week and I don’t remember any sort of special occasions behind why he’d take this random day off. I went through the call logs and found an office number about a week before and when I googled the number a local business where you could get a vasectomy appeared! I couldn’t believe what I was looking at. I instantly felt cold all over then started to panic.
I woke him up and confronted him. He just stared at me while I went off and admitted babies were harder than he thought and he felt like my first pregnancy took forever.
I couldn’t believe it. I packed my things, Joy and her things and drove to my mom’s house. She is in distress with my sudden appearance and my inability to stop crying. I finally told her yesterday morning what happened and she’s just beside herself. I don’t know what to do, but every time I think about how during sex Chris would talk to me about giving me a baby and he’d had the vasectomy the entire time. I feel so disgusted and stupid. I can’t believe my little girl is going to grow up alone. Chris has been blowing up my phone, but I just keep letting it ring and haven’t read any of his texts.
Edit: to those saying I “coerced” my “poor husband” into agreeing to a big family, nope. I was always open and honest about my dreams, told him it’s okay if he wanted different things, and he not only repetitively agreed and accepted, he also helped me plan, nest, put together the nursery and enthusiastically participated in conversations regarding having multiple children around friends and family, and always said we’d have at least 4. That was our number. Him getting a vasectomy behind my back was a complete shock.
Also, we’ve both always agreed to the open phone policy. I never “betrayed his trust” by going through his phone since I always had his consent to do so and he has mine. We even have the same phone pass code. I never wanted to be in a relationship where we kept secrets from each other. I know other couples feel different, but this is another thing he always 100% claimed he agreed with me on.
I vaguely remember one week where he actually turned me down for sex claiming he had a “head cold” and he didn’t join me in the shower like usual during that time, but I didn’t think anything about it. And no, men never need a wife’s signature to get vasectomy.
Comments
FantasticAnus: There's nothing wrong with child number one changing his mind, but he should have been open and honest about that and said that he wouldn't be having any more children, and then it would have been up to you as to whether you could live with that, or move on from him.
What he did, however, was duplicitous and manipulative. I don't think I could stay with a man who was so willing to keep such an enormous lie from me, one which impacts me, my daughter and my future enormously.
MyUsernameIsMehh: He has every right to not want more kids, you have every right to want more.
What he did not have the right to do was fool you for years. Men who have had vasectomies but hide it and "try for a baby" are beyond disgusting. Their wives think something is wrong with them, they go to specialists and sometimes spend a LOT of money on fertility treatments.
He's a spineless little shit (pardon my words, but it's true) who pushed you to have breakdowns over this.
He had every right to get a vasectomy, he didn't need your permission, but he had NO RIGHT to hide it and pretend you two were trying for another child.
Update: May 24, 2024
Some of you made some comments about my mom gifting my husband and I a house, paying for occasional cleaning services implying that Chris feels somehow emasculated by this, also implying I am “too financially dependent on my mom.” I make very good money, I have a sizable savings and don’t need any help, my mom was excited to buy this house for us as a wedding present. My dad passed away when I was young, he was wealthy and left my mom everything, so she shares his love since I’m her only kid. I make more money than Chris and always have. Yes his name is on the house, so yeah I’m gonna get screwed over in the divorce.
Some of you complained I “broke his trust” by going through his phone. He goes through my phone too. We have the same passcode. Some comments called this agreement between us unhinged, which to me is bizarre. Chris, I thought, was my soulmate, my husband and best friend. We don’t have secrets. I thought. Isn’t that the whole point of marriage? To finally have one person in the whole world you can tell everything to? To always be on the same team? Obviously I was wrong, and as many of you pointed out, that kind of love, trust and openness doesn’t really exist, and none of that matters now.
Chris and Joy seemed fine to me, but in hindsight there’s always been a hesitation on his part. I always thought it was just typical since the short while my dad was alive in my life I don’t really remember him being affectionate or warm. He was nice and played with me sometimes, but I don’t remember being held by him very much. I asked Chris many times if everything was okay when I noticed he was distant. He always said things were great, and give an excuse; just tired, work is draining, no big deal.
We’re in the US, and here a man can go get a vasectomy at any time. I don’t know what Chris told his doctor. For all I know he took his wedding ring off and gave a sob story, or probably just walked in and asked for the procedure. It doesn’t matter.
I’m really thankful for my mother. She’s heartbroken for me, and like many of you, she already knows my marriage is over. There’s been a lot of long nights of me crying that she’s endured.
I’m numb when I’m not crying, and keep getting this creepy feeling that nothing matters. We’re getting a divorce. I finally called Chris and he sobbed he was sorry, said he might be able to get it reversed. I’ve read a lot about vasectomies since my last post, and sometimes it can’t be reversed. It’s always a risk.
Again, it doesn’t matter. It’s not actually about the vasectomy. It’s that the person who I thought was the one person in the world that I could trust, that I was on the same page as, literally writing the book together, made this decision without me and kept it from me and the lied for years. I really thought what we had was true love. Now I’m pretty certain that doesn’t even exist.
Chris has not offered any explanation. He cried, begged my forgiveness and said again that he could get it reversed. Even if he can, the rest is irreversible. He never once answered my question. It’s really painful to talk to him, so after three times of asking and him each time dodging answering, and begging forgiveness, I finally just said to please leave the house and told him he’d hear from my lawyer.
He texted that he’s packed and left, and I haven’t heard from him since. He never once asked about Joy.
My lawyer says I might wind up paying alimony, but I might be able to get the house since it was a gift from my mother and Chris has never made any financial contribution. He also says Chris committed a kind of infidelity since he went behind my back to have this life altering procedure and admitted it, so that might help me.
To everyone telling me it’s gonna be okay, and I can still have more children…all of that seems impossible right now. My heart is broken. I’ve never experienced such sadness and the only relief is when I’m playing with my daughter. Her happiness is infectious. She is blissfully unaware, having the time of her life at grandma’s, but unlike her father she actually asks where’s da da?
I called work and took a medical leave of absence. I found a therapist.
My mom has offered to stay with me for a while, as well as hire a nanny.
Comments
BrightAd306: I agree with you. It’s not the vasectomy. It’s lying about it and defrauding you. Wanting your money, but not being a true partner.
Listen to your lawyer. Do what he says, and you’ll come out the other side. Even if you pay alimony, it won’t be forever
DangerNoodleDandy: I agree. The vasectomy and the fact that he hid it are a symptom of a greater issue.
submitted by Choice_Evidence1983 to BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]
Originally posted to TrueOffMyChest
My husband got a vasectomy and didn’t tell me
Trigger Warnings: accusations of infidelity, emotional abuse and manipulation, betrayal
Throwaway bc my husband knows my main. I don’t know what to do. My (31F) husband (32M) - fake name Chris, and I have been married for four years, together for six. When we first got together we had several long talks about how we both wanted a big family. I wanted to be very upfront that child free is not an option, and I said I wanted to have at least four kids. I’m an only child and know how lonely it is, I also said I wanted to have them about a yeayear and a half apart so they could grow up close.
He always wholeheartedly agreed to this and often made jokes like “whether we have 4 or 6, have as many as we want, it’s your call since you pretty much have to do all the work” and on our wedding day before we left the reception for our honeymoon he whispered “can we get outta here and get started on baby #1?” I loved how excited he seemed. To be clear I didn’t go off my BC until about two months after we were married and I got pregnant soon after with our first daughter Joy.
Joy was a happy pregnancy, long birth, but she was a beautiful, healthy baby. She went through colic which was trying, but other than that she was a happy first addition according to me. I noticed Chris became distant during my first pregnancy, but when I asked him about it he just said he had a lot in his mind being a new father. He said he was still excited, but something changed. For reference, we both work full time, I make about 20K more a year than him, and the five bedroom house that we live in was a gift from my mom who was very excited to be a grandma to many. My job is fully remote, but still offers maternity leave, and I have a nest egg savings for emergencies, and feel it’s important to mention this because I know finances can be a major stress factor when it comes to having kids, but not for me and Chris.
Then Joy came out perfectly, Chris had three months of paternity leave and was home with us for majority of that time. My mom visited a lot, and paid to have cleaners come. There were still a lot of long nights and it was tough for me to breastfeed, but overall nothing unexpected. Chris still seemed distant, but always helped with Joy. We have an agreed open phone policy, so I did check his phone quite often but didn’t find any sign of cheating. He goes through my phone whenever he wants too. I asked if he found me unattractive while pregnant and he assured me no, he loves me and he’s excited for our family.
Fast forward a year after, we’re sleeping through the night and I am back to work, saw my doctor and was cleared to try for bundle of joy #2, and Chris seemed very enthusiastic at this point. He even downloaded an app to track my fertility cycle so we could make the most of my ovulation times.
We had a lot of fun and he was always very passionate, but six months of trying with no pregnancy I started to worry. I’d voice my concerns and Chris would brush them off, so I tried to be patient, but then almost two years passed and Joy is growing up by herself.
I broke down to my mother crying and she agreed to come with me to the doctor to get checked out. I was very emotional and scared, but the doctor assured me everything is fine and that I should be able to conceive without any issues.
I went to Chris with this knowledge and he was very upset I went to a fertility specialist. I explained I thought something might have gone wrong during my last pregnancy, concerned that I was maybe blocked or infertile somehow. He said why not wait and “just let nature take its course” and I said “our little girl is almost three, and growing up by herself.” I reminded him of our plans and he just nodded and said all we can do is try. I asked if he would see a fertility specialist and he got angry, saying there’s nothing wrong with him and we don’t have the money for fertility treatments anyway. This confused me since we do have money, we have my savings and are doing pretty well.
When he went to sleep I decided to go through his phone again and went back through his calendar and call logs. I noticed about eight months after Joy was born there was a blocked day indicating he’d taken off from work, but it was in the middle of the week and I don’t remember any sort of special occasions behind why he’d take this random day off. I went through the call logs and found an office number about a week before and when I googled the number a local business where you could get a vasectomy appeared! I couldn’t believe what I was looking at. I instantly felt cold all over then started to panic.
I woke him up and confronted him. He just stared at me while I went off and admitted babies were harder than he thought and he felt like my first pregnancy took forever.
I couldn’t believe it. I packed my things, Joy and her things and drove to my mom’s house. She is in distress with my sudden appearance and my inability to stop crying. I finally told her yesterday morning what happened and she’s just beside herself. I don’t know what to do, but every time I think about how during sex Chris would talk to me about giving me a baby and he’d had the vasectomy the entire time. I feel so disgusted and stupid. I can’t believe my little girl is going to grow up alone. Chris has been blowing up my phone, but I just keep letting it ring and haven’t read any of his texts.
Edit: to those saying I “coerced” my “poor husband” into agreeing to a big family, nope. I was always open and honest about my dreams, told him it’s okay if he wanted different things, and he not only repetitively agreed and accepted, he also helped me plan, nest, put together the nursery and enthusiastically participated in conversations regarding having multiple children around friends and family, and always said we’d have at least 4. That was our number. Him getting a vasectomy behind my back was a complete shock.
Also, we’ve both always agreed to the open phone policy. I never “betrayed his trust” by going through his phone since I always had his consent to do so and he has mine. We even have the same phone pass code. I never wanted to be in a relationship where we kept secrets from each other. I know other couples feel different, but this is another thing he always 100% claimed he agreed with me on.
I vaguely remember one week where he actually turned me down for sex claiming he had a “head cold” and he didn’t join me in the shower like usual during that time, but I didn’t think anything about it. And no, men never need a wife’s signature to get vasectomy.
Comments
FantasticAnus: There's nothing wrong with child number one changing his mind, but he should have been open and honest about that and said that he wouldn't be having any more children, and then it would have been up to you as to whether you could live with that, or move on from him.
What he did, however, was duplicitous and manipulative. I don't think I could stay with a man who was so willing to keep such an enormous lie from me, one which impacts me, my daughter and my future enormously.
MyUsernameIsMehh: He has every right to not want more kids, you have every right to want more.
What he did not have the right to do was fool you for years. Men who have had vasectomies but hide it and "try for a baby" are beyond disgusting. Their wives think something is wrong with them, they go to specialists and sometimes spend a LOT of money on fertility treatments.
He's a spineless little shit (pardon my words, but it's true) who pushed you to have breakdowns over this.
He had every right to get a vasectomy, he didn't need your permission, but he had NO RIGHT to hide it and pretend you two were trying for another child.
Update: May 24, 2024
Some of you made some comments about my mom gifting my husband and I a house, paying for occasional cleaning services implying that Chris feels somehow emasculated by this, also implying I am “too financially dependent on my mom.” I make very good money, I have a sizable savings and don’t need any help, my mom was excited to buy this house for us as a wedding present. My dad passed away when I was young, he was wealthy and left my mom everything, so she shares his love since I’m her only kid. I make more money than Chris and always have. Yes his name is on the house, so yeah I’m gonna get screwed over in the divorce.
Some of you complained I “broke his trust” by going through his phone. He goes through my phone too. We have the same passcode. Some comments called this agreement between us unhinged, which to me is bizarre. Chris, I thought, was my soulmate, my husband and best friend. We don’t have secrets. I thought. Isn’t that the whole point of marriage? To finally have one person in the whole world you can tell everything to? To always be on the same team? Obviously I was wrong, and as many of you pointed out, that kind of love, trust and openness doesn’t really exist, and none of that matters now.
Chris and Joy seemed fine to me, but in hindsight there’s always been a hesitation on his part. I always thought it was just typical since the short while my dad was alive in my life I don’t really remember him being affectionate or warm. He was nice and played with me sometimes, but I don’t remember being held by him very much. I asked Chris many times if everything was okay when I noticed he was distant. He always said things were great, and give an excuse; just tired, work is draining, no big deal.
We’re in the US, and here a man can go get a vasectomy at any time. I don’t know what Chris told his doctor. For all I know he took his wedding ring off and gave a sob story, or probably just walked in and asked for the procedure. It doesn’t matter.
I’m really thankful for my mother. She’s heartbroken for me, and like many of you, she already knows my marriage is over. There’s been a lot of long nights of me crying that she’s endured.
I’m numb when I’m not crying, and keep getting this creepy feeling that nothing matters. We’re getting a divorce. I finally called Chris and he sobbed he was sorry, said he might be able to get it reversed. I’ve read a lot about vasectomies since my last post, and sometimes it can’t be reversed. It’s always a risk.
Again, it doesn’t matter. It’s not actually about the vasectomy. It’s that the person who I thought was the one person in the world that I could trust, that I was on the same page as, literally writing the book together, made this decision without me and kept it from me and the lied for years. I really thought what we had was true love. Now I’m pretty certain that doesn’t even exist.
Chris has not offered any explanation. He cried, begged my forgiveness and said again that he could get it reversed. Even if he can, the rest is irreversible. He never once answered my question. It’s really painful to talk to him, so after three times of asking and him each time dodging answering, and begging forgiveness, I finally just said to please leave the house and told him he’d hear from my lawyer.
He texted that he’s packed and left, and I haven’t heard from him since. He never once asked about Joy.
My lawyer says I might wind up paying alimony, but I might be able to get the house since it was a gift from my mother and Chris has never made any financial contribution. He also says Chris committed a kind of infidelity since he went behind my back to have this life altering procedure and admitted it, so that might help me.
To everyone telling me it’s gonna be okay, and I can still have more children…all of that seems impossible right now. My heart is broken. I’ve never experienced such sadness and the only relief is when I’m playing with my daughter. Her happiness is infectious. She is blissfully unaware, having the time of her life at grandma’s, but unlike her father she actually asks where’s da da?
I called work and took a medical leave of absence. I found a therapist.
My mom has offered to stay with me for a while, as well as hire a nanny.
Comments
BrightAd306: I agree with you. It’s not the vasectomy. It’s lying about it and defrauding you. Wanting your money, but not being a true partner.
Listen to your lawyer. Do what he says, and you’ll come out the other side. Even if you pay alimony, it won’t be forever
DangerNoodleDandy: I agree. The vasectomy and the fact that he hid it are a symptom of a greater issue.
DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7
THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP
2024.06.02 06:02 Direct-Caterpillar77 My ex-wife [36 F] still keeps trying to get back together with me [36 M] and our daughters [16 F] want that to happen too
I am not The OOP, OOP is u/hopefulaga1n
My ex-wife [36 F] still keeps trying to get back together with me [36 M] and our daughters [16 F] want that to happen too
Thanks to u/mjolnirstrike for suggesting this BoRU and u/Minute_Point_949 & u/stevvandy for finding the links
TRIGGER WARNING: infidelity, manipulation
Original Post May 7, 2016
Doesn't really sound like a big problem, right? Yeah, well, while I wish I could just plain tell her to piss off and never bother me again, there is the matter of us having two daughters and sharing custody, so I can't excise her from my life on a permanent basis.
Not without removing our daughters too.
We married fairly early in our lives, back when we were 20 and we had been dating for three years before that. Our daughters were born in the very first year of the marriage, and there were some complications which meant my ex-wife would have difficulty conceiving again. Didn't matter to me at the time, because I was just glad she made it healthy and fine through the whole ordeal and that we already had two beautiful baby girls to love and raise up.
The marriage lasted for 9 years. Ended when I divorced her for cheating. I have absolutely no tolerance for it and I don't believe in forcing myself to suffer needlessly for shit that wasn't my fault to begin with. While this might sound incredulous to some folks, any love I had for my ex-wife was pretty much killed when I found out about her cheating and the details behind it. So yeah, this isn't a thread about me moving on from her. I've done that 7 years ago. Hell, I don't even hate her, I just don't give a damn about what goes on in her life unless it concerns our daughters.
The problem is that it's only me that moved on from the whole thing. The ex-wife, her family, and even our daughters, have kept trying to get us back together even though I have made it plain for everyone that I have no interest of ever doing that. Me not dating at first for a few years after the divorce might have been giving them false hope, but I sure as fuck wasn't going to jump into another relationship so soon after. Not with our daughters to look after.
They were my number one priority, besides my own issues which stemmed from the ex's cheating. Those issues, by the by, got resolved with the help of friends, family and some counseling. So yeah, that's over and done with.
I have no issue in communicating with our girls. None whatsoever. Anything else? They can understand it just fine. There's never been any fighting, no yelling, no nonsensical teenage rebellion (thus far), no tantrums thrown and so on. Pretty great, right? Except this whole thing. They know about her cheating on me, and it was their mother in fact who told them about it, some three years ago or so. I imagine she's been feeding them some kind of bullshit since then and I've asked her countless times to stop with it, that it wasn't helping anyone, that it only prevented them from moving on.
But the ex-wife didn't stop, she apparently just got subtler about it.
In all the years since we divorced, she hasn't dated or slept with anyone else. While I suppose she thinks that admirable, I don't.
To be honest, I find it kind of insulting. When we were married, she fucked someone else, but now she's just fine going without sex for seven years?
Whatever. Not that it matters.
While I could ignore the occasional mentions of their mother, of how well she looks, of them showing me photos they took with her, obviously all dolled up for my sake, it's gotten worse lately. Why? Because I have a girlfriend. Clemence is not the first since the divorce, but she is the most serious relationship I had since my marriage ended. She also happens to be eight years my junior. Before getting together as a couple, we knew each other for four years through a shared hobby. So basically it was a gradual transition from being friends to being involved with each other. I can honestly say I love this woman. It was a surprise to me when I realized that, because while I didn't really want to admit it to myself, I was afraid for a time that what my ex-wife did to me damaged me on some fundamental level and rendered me incapable of ever truly loving someone else, like I once did her.
Initially, my daughters had very little to say about our relationship, much like they didn't comment anything on the previous two I had post-divorce.
But then they started coming home (ahead of the schedule we set up in advance) and they'd find me and Clemence together (nothing compromising, not sex or anything of the sort). Then came the grumbling. Then came the "Why is she here?" question. Then came "It's not fair to mom what you're doing," as if I was actually doing this solely to spite or hurt their mother. So I sat them down and talked. And I talked and I talked, but they're just not getting it.
They simply won't give up on this preposterous fantasy of theirs where I get back with their mother.
Clemence, thank God, has been understanding and isn't upset by their behavior. She's basically saying to give them time, but I kind of doubt that will work. It hasn't so far, so I have no idea why more time would change anything.
Anyway, since I'm really all out of ideas, I figured I might as well ask you folks here if any one of you might have an idea how to handle this.
Is there even a way, an approach of any sort, that could work on my daughters realizing I will not, under any circumstances, get back with their mother?
Edit: more information.
tl;dr Wife cheated, became ex-wife. Our daughters keep trying to talk me into getting back together and aren't listening to a word I say about it never happening. They started acting grouchy and resentful recently once they realized that my relationship with another woman has turned very serious. Do I play the waiting game and hope they mature past this kind of behavior or is there something I've overlooked, something I could do to make them understand that even without this person in my life, I will never get back with their mother?
RELEVANT COMMENTS
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It's been a while since I was first here and I was reminded recently that I owed an update to the kind and good people here who helped me with our troubles.
A lot of things has happened. Among those things, my daughters actually stumbled across my post. I had no idea they even browsed Reddit, let alone this place. When I came home one day from work I found them crying. They pretty much jumped me, hugged me, wouldn't let me go and begged me to forgive them. Sadly, they had read one of my replies and found out the dreadful extent of my ex-wife's affair and how much it had devastated me.
It took us a while, but we got through it, as a family. There was nothing for me to forgive, they're still young and they love their mother, who took that love and used it to manipulate them. That's on her, not them. There was some much needed counseling, but after several months, the woman who was helping us heal and move on has said that nothing more needed to be done, and they should only check in with her once in a while, rather than continue their weekly sessions.
We're closer than we were before, but their relationship with their mother has suffered for it. Which I think is completely understandable, but I still cautioned them about lingering too much on what she did, since I had gotten over what she did all those years ago. That was something also resolved in counseling (both their own and our shared ones), so it's all behind us now.
I had a brief confrontation with my ex-wife about it and made it clear that she was to not talk about this getting back together nonsense any more with our daughters. I can't tell if it really got through to her, but my daughters have not been pestered about me since then. Or they simply ignore their mother and don't bring it up at home. Either way, so long as my daughters are doing fine, I could care less about what my ex-wife is doing.
Since the situation had improved, things had also become much better between my daughters and my girlfriend, so much that they actually started talking with her (rather than just exchange terse greetings and goodbyes), even occasionally asking for tips on something (girly stuff, of course), and I can't tell you how much it warmed my heart to see it happening for the first time.
I'll admit that also helped me push my thoughts in the direction of proposing to my girlfriend, who had been incredibly supporting and understanding through all of this. We had known each other for a long time now, spent so much time as a couple, and after all this mess, I didn't really think there was anything more I could to to express my love for her. However, I was beaten to the punch.
Two months ago, Clemence, together with my daughters, surprised me one day and proposed to me. I have to say that I felt very odd, but also very happy. Not just the proposal, but that my daughters had actually worked with my girlfriend on surprising me that day with dinner and a night out. To put it simply, I was blown away. It was a small and private ceremony, with only our closest friends and family attending. Currently, we're also expecting, and my daughters are looking forward to having a baby brother or sister to spoil.
tl;dr: My daughters had found my previous post and saw in one of the replies how deeply I was hurt by their mother's cheating. Asked for forgiveness, there was no need for it. We worked through our issues together, both at home and in some counseling, and we healed from it and got much better. Even their relationship with my girlfriend had improved, so much that one day they helped her arrange a nice night for us, where she proposed to me. We're married and currently expecting, with my daughters eagerly looking forward to having a younger sibling to spoil rotten.
THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP
DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7
submitted by Direct-Caterpillar77 to BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]
My ex-wife [36 F] still keeps trying to get back together with me [36 M] and our daughters [16 F] want that to happen too
Thanks to u/mjolnirstrike for suggesting this BoRU and u/Minute_Point_949 & u/stevvandy for finding the links
TRIGGER WARNING: infidelity, manipulation
Original Post May 7, 2016
Doesn't really sound like a big problem, right? Yeah, well, while I wish I could just plain tell her to piss off and never bother me again, there is the matter of us having two daughters and sharing custody, so I can't excise her from my life on a permanent basis.
Not without removing our daughters too.
We married fairly early in our lives, back when we were 20 and we had been dating for three years before that. Our daughters were born in the very first year of the marriage, and there were some complications which meant my ex-wife would have difficulty conceiving again. Didn't matter to me at the time, because I was just glad she made it healthy and fine through the whole ordeal and that we already had two beautiful baby girls to love and raise up.
The marriage lasted for 9 years. Ended when I divorced her for cheating. I have absolutely no tolerance for it and I don't believe in forcing myself to suffer needlessly for shit that wasn't my fault to begin with. While this might sound incredulous to some folks, any love I had for my ex-wife was pretty much killed when I found out about her cheating and the details behind it. So yeah, this isn't a thread about me moving on from her. I've done that 7 years ago. Hell, I don't even hate her, I just don't give a damn about what goes on in her life unless it concerns our daughters.
The problem is that it's only me that moved on from the whole thing. The ex-wife, her family, and even our daughters, have kept trying to get us back together even though I have made it plain for everyone that I have no interest of ever doing that. Me not dating at first for a few years after the divorce might have been giving them false hope, but I sure as fuck wasn't going to jump into another relationship so soon after. Not with our daughters to look after.
They were my number one priority, besides my own issues which stemmed from the ex's cheating. Those issues, by the by, got resolved with the help of friends, family and some counseling. So yeah, that's over and done with.
I have no issue in communicating with our girls. None whatsoever. Anything else? They can understand it just fine. There's never been any fighting, no yelling, no nonsensical teenage rebellion (thus far), no tantrums thrown and so on. Pretty great, right? Except this whole thing. They know about her cheating on me, and it was their mother in fact who told them about it, some three years ago or so. I imagine she's been feeding them some kind of bullshit since then and I've asked her countless times to stop with it, that it wasn't helping anyone, that it only prevented them from moving on.
But the ex-wife didn't stop, she apparently just got subtler about it.
In all the years since we divorced, she hasn't dated or slept with anyone else. While I suppose she thinks that admirable, I don't.
To be honest, I find it kind of insulting. When we were married, she fucked someone else, but now she's just fine going without sex for seven years?
Whatever. Not that it matters.
While I could ignore the occasional mentions of their mother, of how well she looks, of them showing me photos they took with her, obviously all dolled up for my sake, it's gotten worse lately. Why? Because I have a girlfriend. Clemence is not the first since the divorce, but she is the most serious relationship I had since my marriage ended. She also happens to be eight years my junior. Before getting together as a couple, we knew each other for four years through a shared hobby. So basically it was a gradual transition from being friends to being involved with each other. I can honestly say I love this woman. It was a surprise to me when I realized that, because while I didn't really want to admit it to myself, I was afraid for a time that what my ex-wife did to me damaged me on some fundamental level and rendered me incapable of ever truly loving someone else, like I once did her.
Initially, my daughters had very little to say about our relationship, much like they didn't comment anything on the previous two I had post-divorce.
But then they started coming home (ahead of the schedule we set up in advance) and they'd find me and Clemence together (nothing compromising, not sex or anything of the sort). Then came the grumbling. Then came the "Why is she here?" question. Then came "It's not fair to mom what you're doing," as if I was actually doing this solely to spite or hurt their mother. So I sat them down and talked. And I talked and I talked, but they're just not getting it.
They simply won't give up on this preposterous fantasy of theirs where I get back with their mother.
Clemence, thank God, has been understanding and isn't upset by their behavior. She's basically saying to give them time, but I kind of doubt that will work. It hasn't so far, so I have no idea why more time would change anything.
Anyway, since I'm really all out of ideas, I figured I might as well ask you folks here if any one of you might have an idea how to handle this.
Is there even a way, an approach of any sort, that could work on my daughters realizing I will not, under any circumstances, get back with their mother?
Edit: more information.
tl;dr Wife cheated, became ex-wife. Our daughters keep trying to talk me into getting back together and aren't listening to a word I say about it never happening. They started acting grouchy and resentful recently once they realized that my relationship with another woman has turned very serious. Do I play the waiting game and hope they mature past this kind of behavior or is there something I've overlooked, something I could do to make them understand that even without this person in my life, I will never get back with their mother?
RELEVANT COMMENTS
[deleted]
You need a chat with your daughters.OOP
You say that whilst your mother and you are good friends, and have worked together to give your daughters a stable upbringing, there is no way in hell you are getting back together. You should say that if their mother thinks or says anything to the contrary, it's not going to happen. You say you like Clemence and if things go the way you want them to, your future will be with her, not with their mother
~Already did that, dozens of times.
It just doesn't seem to be reaching them at all.
At one point, that was about a year back, they asked me why I don't want to get back together with their mother. When I brought up her cheating, and I admit that at the time I wasn't sure if I should have done that but I honestly couldn't think of anything else, it turned out their mother had already told them about it several years back! They keep using the same approach every time of how she's faithful to me now. When I pointed out to them that she can't be faithful to me given that we're not together to begin with, they just ignore that.
I have talked with my ex-wife about this on numerous occasions, possibly a hundred times by now, about not bringing our adult lives and messing up our daughters'. In one ear and out the other, as they say. At one point, I admit, I even contemplated going to court for sole custody, but I was advised it would not work out well for me, so I dropped that approach.
[deleted]
Do your daughters know the reason why you divorced? Do they know your ex cheated on you? I don't ever favor telling young kids that, but your daughters are nearly adults. It seems they are laboring under some delusion about why the divorce happened (likely fed to them by their mother without your rebuttal). Perhaps setting the record straight on that regard might help. You don't have to be disrespectful about her; you can be factual and still get the point across.OOP
Update Apr 1, 2017Yes and yes. I actually tried telling them about it a year ago, only to find out that their mother told them several years back, when they were just a few months shy of turning 13. They know their mother cheated on me.
Now, here's the thing that I think is messing with their minds: they never saw their mother as anything but loving towards me or them. Or at least they don't remember it if they did see her acting coldly and distant with me.
During her affair, and yes it was an affair, not just a one-time thing (not that I wouldn't have divorced her either way), she was very much the opposite of loving in bedroom. They never really saw that, nor should they have. My approaches for intimacy were often rebuffed and I felt more and more dejected until one day I realized, with the help of a very close and very good friend, that there was nothing wrong with me and therefore something had to be wrong with her, which is what led me to discovering the affair, because I started looking for reasons why our love life had suddenly dropped so much in quality and quantity.
And it wasn't just sex. There were the small things missing from our daily lives too. I know it sounds silly, but we always kissed at the front door, in plain sight, before either of us went to work. That's something, that only now in retrospect became plain to see, that was missing.
Bottom line is, their mother denied me even the most basic of affections while giving it to someone else outside of our marriage.
To me, that's unforgivable.
They don't understand that, they couldn't, not even if I told them (which I rather wouldn't), and how hurtful it can be when you realize that your spouse didn't really give a damn about you all that much.
So all this? All the regret and remorse and pining for us to get back together? To me, it's worthless. What's the point? Where was all this supposed love and guilt and remorse when it should have mattered?
It's been a while since I was first here and I was reminded recently that I owed an update to the kind and good people here who helped me with our troubles.
A lot of things has happened. Among those things, my daughters actually stumbled across my post. I had no idea they even browsed Reddit, let alone this place. When I came home one day from work I found them crying. They pretty much jumped me, hugged me, wouldn't let me go and begged me to forgive them. Sadly, they had read one of my replies and found out the dreadful extent of my ex-wife's affair and how much it had devastated me.
It took us a while, but we got through it, as a family. There was nothing for me to forgive, they're still young and they love their mother, who took that love and used it to manipulate them. That's on her, not them. There was some much needed counseling, but after several months, the woman who was helping us heal and move on has said that nothing more needed to be done, and they should only check in with her once in a while, rather than continue their weekly sessions.
We're closer than we were before, but their relationship with their mother has suffered for it. Which I think is completely understandable, but I still cautioned them about lingering too much on what she did, since I had gotten over what she did all those years ago. That was something also resolved in counseling (both their own and our shared ones), so it's all behind us now.
I had a brief confrontation with my ex-wife about it and made it clear that she was to not talk about this getting back together nonsense any more with our daughters. I can't tell if it really got through to her, but my daughters have not been pestered about me since then. Or they simply ignore their mother and don't bring it up at home. Either way, so long as my daughters are doing fine, I could care less about what my ex-wife is doing.
Since the situation had improved, things had also become much better between my daughters and my girlfriend, so much that they actually started talking with her (rather than just exchange terse greetings and goodbyes), even occasionally asking for tips on something (girly stuff, of course), and I can't tell you how much it warmed my heart to see it happening for the first time.
I'll admit that also helped me push my thoughts in the direction of proposing to my girlfriend, who had been incredibly supporting and understanding through all of this. We had known each other for a long time now, spent so much time as a couple, and after all this mess, I didn't really think there was anything more I could to to express my love for her. However, I was beaten to the punch.
Two months ago, Clemence, together with my daughters, surprised me one day and proposed to me. I have to say that I felt very odd, but also very happy. Not just the proposal, but that my daughters had actually worked with my girlfriend on surprising me that day with dinner and a night out. To put it simply, I was blown away. It was a small and private ceremony, with only our closest friends and family attending. Currently, we're also expecting, and my daughters are looking forward to having a baby brother or sister to spoil.
tl;dr: My daughters had found my previous post and saw in one of the replies how deeply I was hurt by their mother's cheating. Asked for forgiveness, there was no need for it. We worked through our issues together, both at home and in some counseling, and we healed from it and got much better. Even their relationship with my girlfriend had improved, so much that one day they helped her arrange a nice night for us, where she proposed to me. We're married and currently expecting, with my daughters eagerly looking forward to having a younger sibling to spoil rotten.
THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP
DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7
2024.06.02 06:01 Direct-Caterpillar77 I have 2 weeks to get away from my husband (New Update)
I am not The OOP, OOP is u/Complex-Wing7114
I have 2 weeks to get away from my husband
Originally posted to offmychest
Thanks to u/soayherder for suggesting this BoRU
Previous BoRU
TRIGGER WARNING: controlling behavior, threats, abusive behavior, stalking, assault, physical violence, gaslighting
Original Post Apr 27, 2024
Throwaway account as my husband and In-laws are follow my main. I, 29 F, have been married to my husband, 30 m, who I'll call Alex. Alex and I met in college during our freshman year. We started off as just friends, and got married seven months ago. I've gotten along with his family, but we aren't super close but we're friendly enough. The problem is that Alex has begun to make me incredibly uncomfortable.
Firstly, he's begun to ask me who I'm meeting with, where, what we plan on doing, how long every single time I leave the house without him. At first, I just thought he was being protective and a good partner just in case something happened, but then he started checking my phone after the visits, vetting and researching each of my friends as well.
He also has been pursuing me to link my bank account to his, as he's "in charge" of the finances when he was perfectly fine with keeping them separate before. We fight about it almost every day.
Finally, yesterday when he was preparing to go on a work trip for two weeks in California, he demanded I wear a tracker so he could keep and eye on me while he's gone. I can't do this anymore, I feel like I'm suffocating and his family who I've spoken to about his worrying behavior just said he's being careful and protective as a good husband should. I need to gather my things together and find a way to be gone before he gets home without tipping him off.
He's always threatened that if he ever found me cheating on him he'd turn in divorce papers the same day. He keeps a filled out copy in his desk. I'm going to submit those the day I leave. But there's so much to do, bergen finding a new place to live, seeing if my job has any transfers available, packing and moving in two weeks. His return flight May 11th, so I need to move quickly. I'm posting here because I don't have any close family, and I can't risk dragging my friends into this as we share the same friends.I just needed a place to vent, and ask if anyone has any advice on the easiest and safest way to do this?
Edit: oh my god you guys are amazing! I never even thought to not use his divorce papers. I'll check for cameras before I start any packing or prepping. I may also shred his divorce papers just in case and look into getting a lawyer for myself. I'm in a no fault divorce state, that much I so remember which will help. I'll update again when I know more. The tracker he wants me to use is a small clip to put on the belt or waistband. I'll wear it unless I'm going or doing something related to me leaving. No pets yet thankfully.
Update Apr 28, 2024
So I've gotten a lot of support and helpful advice along with questions I thought I should clarify before I proceed with the update. Some asked why I'd be 'hiding' things from Alex regarding going out and who I'm meeting with. I don't, and I have nothing to hide. However when he begins to then double check everything I tell him with the other people there right down to each person I talked to and what I said. Did I send any text msgs, did I order food, how much did I eat, that's when it started to feel like I was slowly being pushed into a corner. It didn't start that bad, but gradually grew worse overtime.
All of the Reddit subs my in-law's families are part of are related gardening and diy so I highly doubt they'll see this, if so by the time they do, I'll hopefully be gone. I talked to my job and explained things to my manager. And they promised to look into openings in other states to see if they could get me into one. They'll have an update on that in three days. I trust that my bank account us secured, considering he's tried to get into it before and failed. I found one camera in the kitchen, another in the living room and one in our bedroom. As such, I've left them in place for now and done all other planning, either in the bathroom pretending I'm taking a bath.
I'm honestly staying away from the domestic violence services as my sister-in-law is unfortunately higher up in those considering she volunteers there and I have a feeling if I did show up there, they would know in a heartbeat. I can't look for apartments until I get the update from my work, but either or i'm still gonna be leaving the state. The day before I do I will be changing my number carrier and wiping my laptop and all of his electronics before I do.
I've met with 2 lawyers so far and had them look over the paperwork. My husband had prepared and both said that it did it have some clauses in it. That could have caused me some trouble down the line. What alarmed all of us close the fact that several of those clauses dealt with future children, and not as a hypothetical. Like several hair suggested I have a feeling he fully intended on getting me pregnant to keep me trapped and tied to him.
There are 3 other locations. My job could send me to and I have. As a precaution Begun looking into all 3 cities and housing in the areas. Just in case one of those, this is the one they send me to. Even if they don't have an opening that they can push me into then I will just have to quit, move and figure things out on my own. I have enough money to live and survive for a few months until I can pick up another job.
Unfortunately all of our friends are mutuals and would likely be unaware of the consequences of saying or sharing anything I do or say with my husband. I don't have any surviving close family and obviously my in laws are not a good resource to rely on. I am on my own unfortunately, other than the wonderful bonds, i've begun to make here. I will update again if I get more information or something else happens. Otherwise all update when my work gets back to me. I do plan on leaving before he returns, though. Just to make sure that i'm not anywhere near here at that time.
Update 2 Apr 30, 2024
Good news! My work has an opening I qualify for that will not only shift me across the country, but also comes with a salary increase as well. I've started telling my in laws and friends that I'm planning a surprise outing for when my husband gets back for just the two of us. This way, people don't give me odd looks if they see me out and about. I've even gone as far as asking MIL to show me his favorite recipes.
Meanwhile, I've found a moving company that while small is willing to work in a storm. The reason is in five days, we're supposed to get hit with a large storm front. I plan to shut off the breaker and say we lost power if he asks just as several people here suggested and even send him a short clip of the storm.
I will have all of my stuff moved that afternoon, and I will be flying out once the weather has cleared enough to do so. I have a lawyer who will push my divorce through, and I've filled out the necessary paperwork so that I don't have to be here for it. I'm not suing for assets or alimony and I've shredded his divorce papers as well. I've set up a cheap payphone plan through cricket until this is all said and done at which point I will find a new carrier, number and phone. This one is being wiped and left behind.
My laptop is provided by my work, and the IT department inspected it thoroughly and it was clean thankfully. No other electronic aside from my laptop and new phone will be coming with me. If alex needs to talk to me, he can do it through my lawyer. Not sure if anything else will happen, my fingers are crossed that he doesn't think anythings amiss until after I leave - and I'm not turning the breaker back on when I do. He can when he gets home. My work is covering the plane ticket, so that at least is one expense I don't have to finagle in.
Update 3 May 7, 2024
Update 3: I have 2 weeks to get away from my husband.
It's been a busy week, but I've gotten so much done. Firstly, I am now out of the house and am currently in a hotel while I look for an apartment. It's a big city, bustling with people no matter where you look. We had a pretty bad storm system hit back home, that actually lasted two days. High winds, thunder, lightning and even hail everywhere. I didn't take much from the house, my documents, clothes and important sentimental items. I left all of the furniture and electronics behind. I cleaned the house top to bottom and took pictures on my phone so he couldn't claim I damaged anything when I left.
My lawyer has already started divorce proceedings, and my husband will be served on the 8th. His plane is due to land early morning, and the sheriff will be there at the house waiting for him. He is very much about public appearances and reputation. My lawyer will be calling him as well to inform him that I am more than willing to air out everything to the public about his actions if it means securing my freedom from him. I will go to court as long as I must to get this pushed through.
I haven't told our friends or his in-laws yet, I will do that while he is on the flight to prevent him from getting wind of it before he's handed the divorce papers. I will be calling around and explaining why we're getting divorced, to try and prevent him from twisting this into somehow being my fault. I don't want him trying to claim I had an affair or something so I want to get the truth out before he can twist this.
I'm... doing okay. I'm tired, but yet I feel almost jittery and off-kilter. I keep looking over my shoulder and monitoring what I say even when I don't really need to anymore. Hopefully that will fade soon. My work is covering the cost of the hotel, and I'm working on getting my other things in order. I also need to find a new GP as I want to get a full test just to make sure everything is okay. I don't know when my next update will be, probably when the divorce papers are filed or if we have to go to court to push them through. I will try to keep my head up, but it feels like I'm in a whirlwind or something with so many things to do and think about. I kinda thought it would be easier once I got out of the house but while the fear is smaller, somehow the number of tasks only seems to have grown.
Update 4 May 14, 2024
Sorry I haven't updated for a while, things got hectic and a bit chaotic honestly. Firstly, I'm working on getting an apartment still and have applications in at three different places and will hopefully hear back from them soon. I'm still going into work here at the new location, so I don't have to worry about burning through my emergency savings completely. I've gotten a lot of emails from Alex, his family and our old friend group asking question after question. I have only sent one return email to Alex, explaining that I don't believe we are truly compatible, and it is best we separate now. That his treatment of me when I'd done nothing to deserve as such was just as much of a deal breaker as cheating was for him.
I ended the email with the statement that I would not be contacting him further and anything else he needed to pass on to me or vice versa would be done through my lawyer. For his family and friends, I just typed up one email outlining everything that had happened and why I left. I told them I wished them no ill will, but that such treatment of his wife and partner was not acceptable. That should Alex get remarried in the future, I wished they would help support both partners and not just Alex.
Alex, from what my lawyer told me, was livid when he was served. The sheriff actually ended up booking him for assault on an officer and menacing due to the threats he was shouting. His father bailed him out in a few hours, but with the testimony of the sheriff, my lawyer believes I have a very good chance at getting a restraining order. Alex, upon returning to the house, apparently lost his temper again, breaking the dining table into pieces as well as the tv, and putting several holes in the walls. At least that's what one of the emails from one of our friends reported as Alex called him to help him clean up the mess.
My lawyer already has pictures of the house I took, with timestamps as evidence nothing had been damaged by me. My friend reported that Alex tried to claim I'd been the one to trash the house but the holes in the wall were at head height - Alex is 6'3", and I'm 5'4" so he knew that was false. Either way, taking the pictures definitely will help me so again thank you everyone here for the advice because I never would have thought of that on my own. My work won't share details of where I am, as I do work with some higher end clientele who value security and that information won't be gossiped about and no, I'm not some stripper or escort. I deal with contracts, notary and business management. As such, even if Alex tried to use my work to find me, he wouldn't succeed.
It’s been a little bit, and I thought I’d answer some questions before giving my update. It may be a while after this until things change.
Firstly, No I didn’t bring my car. The public transport here is good enough to use without needing one. I have secured an apartment, and the building has good security. You need a key card to enter, and there is a security guard at a desk right by the entrance to the building. As part of my contract, I gave them a photo of Alex and his family so that even in the off chance they do find me, they won’t be let in.
The responses I got from the emails varied. His family said I was overreacting, and that I owe Alex an apology for the problems this has caused him. The pending criminal charges puts him at risk of losing his job if he’s convicted. Alex sent a long email, apologizing and pleading for me to come home. He said he was worried for me, that he is willing to go to therapy if it will appease me. He wants us to remain together, and he didn’t think leaving was an appropriate response to his genuine concern and worry for my health and safety. The friends gave somewhat lacking replies, saying that they didn’t think Alex was ever going to hurt me and that I shouldn’t be letting my imagination run away wild. As much as I want to say I was surprised by the lack of support, I’m honestly not.
He intends to fight the divorce. I am letting my lawyer handle it, and I am also pursuing a protective order as well. Once I got approved for my apartment, I also froze my credit. I’ve changed my phone carrier and number, as well as making sure none of my documents list Alex as next of kin or POA.
Some have asked why I was so paranoid about Alex and his possible future actions. The answer for that actually is somewhat simple – my grandmother. I loved that woman to bits. As a teen, she explained why my grandfather was never around. He was extremely abusive and manipulative, and her generation didn’t allow divorce really. She wouldn’t have been able to buy a house or get a good enough job to support her and my mother on her own. As such, she endured it, shielded my mom as she could until my grandfather died. When I felt like I may have been overreacting, I remembered how she’d said she’d always wished she’d been able to see grandfather for what he was early on when she may have been able to annul the marriage.
I don’t know when I’ll update again, maybe when the divorce goes through or if something big happens but until then, I’m just trying to keep my head above the water.
THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP
DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7
submitted by Direct-Caterpillar77 to BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]
I have 2 weeks to get away from my husband
Originally posted to offmychest
Thanks to u/soayherder for suggesting this BoRU
Previous BoRU
TRIGGER WARNING: controlling behavior, threats, abusive behavior, stalking, assault, physical violence, gaslighting
Original Post Apr 27, 2024
Throwaway account as my husband and In-laws are follow my main. I, 29 F, have been married to my husband, 30 m, who I'll call Alex. Alex and I met in college during our freshman year. We started off as just friends, and got married seven months ago. I've gotten along with his family, but we aren't super close but we're friendly enough. The problem is that Alex has begun to make me incredibly uncomfortable.
Firstly, he's begun to ask me who I'm meeting with, where, what we plan on doing, how long every single time I leave the house without him. At first, I just thought he was being protective and a good partner just in case something happened, but then he started checking my phone after the visits, vetting and researching each of my friends as well.
He also has been pursuing me to link my bank account to his, as he's "in charge" of the finances when he was perfectly fine with keeping them separate before. We fight about it almost every day.
Finally, yesterday when he was preparing to go on a work trip for two weeks in California, he demanded I wear a tracker so he could keep and eye on me while he's gone. I can't do this anymore, I feel like I'm suffocating and his family who I've spoken to about his worrying behavior just said he's being careful and protective as a good husband should. I need to gather my things together and find a way to be gone before he gets home without tipping him off.
He's always threatened that if he ever found me cheating on him he'd turn in divorce papers the same day. He keeps a filled out copy in his desk. I'm going to submit those the day I leave. But there's so much to do, bergen finding a new place to live, seeing if my job has any transfers available, packing and moving in two weeks. His return flight May 11th, so I need to move quickly. I'm posting here because I don't have any close family, and I can't risk dragging my friends into this as we share the same friends.I just needed a place to vent, and ask if anyone has any advice on the easiest and safest way to do this?
Edit: oh my god you guys are amazing! I never even thought to not use his divorce papers. I'll check for cameras before I start any packing or prepping. I may also shred his divorce papers just in case and look into getting a lawyer for myself. I'm in a no fault divorce state, that much I so remember which will help. I'll update again when I know more. The tracker he wants me to use is a small clip to put on the belt or waistband. I'll wear it unless I'm going or doing something related to me leaving. No pets yet thankfully.
Update Apr 28, 2024
So I've gotten a lot of support and helpful advice along with questions I thought I should clarify before I proceed with the update. Some asked why I'd be 'hiding' things from Alex regarding going out and who I'm meeting with. I don't, and I have nothing to hide. However when he begins to then double check everything I tell him with the other people there right down to each person I talked to and what I said. Did I send any text msgs, did I order food, how much did I eat, that's when it started to feel like I was slowly being pushed into a corner. It didn't start that bad, but gradually grew worse overtime.
All of the Reddit subs my in-law's families are part of are related gardening and diy so I highly doubt they'll see this, if so by the time they do, I'll hopefully be gone. I talked to my job and explained things to my manager. And they promised to look into openings in other states to see if they could get me into one. They'll have an update on that in three days. I trust that my bank account us secured, considering he's tried to get into it before and failed. I found one camera in the kitchen, another in the living room and one in our bedroom. As such, I've left them in place for now and done all other planning, either in the bathroom pretending I'm taking a bath.
I'm honestly staying away from the domestic violence services as my sister-in-law is unfortunately higher up in those considering she volunteers there and I have a feeling if I did show up there, they would know in a heartbeat. I can't look for apartments until I get the update from my work, but either or i'm still gonna be leaving the state. The day before I do I will be changing my number carrier and wiping my laptop and all of his electronics before I do.
I've met with 2 lawyers so far and had them look over the paperwork. My husband had prepared and both said that it did it have some clauses in it. That could have caused me some trouble down the line. What alarmed all of us close the fact that several of those clauses dealt with future children, and not as a hypothetical. Like several hair suggested I have a feeling he fully intended on getting me pregnant to keep me trapped and tied to him.
There are 3 other locations. My job could send me to and I have. As a precaution Begun looking into all 3 cities and housing in the areas. Just in case one of those, this is the one they send me to. Even if they don't have an opening that they can push me into then I will just have to quit, move and figure things out on my own. I have enough money to live and survive for a few months until I can pick up another job.
Unfortunately all of our friends are mutuals and would likely be unaware of the consequences of saying or sharing anything I do or say with my husband. I don't have any surviving close family and obviously my in laws are not a good resource to rely on. I am on my own unfortunately, other than the wonderful bonds, i've begun to make here. I will update again if I get more information or something else happens. Otherwise all update when my work gets back to me. I do plan on leaving before he returns, though. Just to make sure that i'm not anywhere near here at that time.
Update 2 Apr 30, 2024
Good news! My work has an opening I qualify for that will not only shift me across the country, but also comes with a salary increase as well. I've started telling my in laws and friends that I'm planning a surprise outing for when my husband gets back for just the two of us. This way, people don't give me odd looks if they see me out and about. I've even gone as far as asking MIL to show me his favorite recipes.
Meanwhile, I've found a moving company that while small is willing to work in a storm. The reason is in five days, we're supposed to get hit with a large storm front. I plan to shut off the breaker and say we lost power if he asks just as several people here suggested and even send him a short clip of the storm.
I will have all of my stuff moved that afternoon, and I will be flying out once the weather has cleared enough to do so. I have a lawyer who will push my divorce through, and I've filled out the necessary paperwork so that I don't have to be here for it. I'm not suing for assets or alimony and I've shredded his divorce papers as well. I've set up a cheap payphone plan through cricket until this is all said and done at which point I will find a new carrier, number and phone. This one is being wiped and left behind.
My laptop is provided by my work, and the IT department inspected it thoroughly and it was clean thankfully. No other electronic aside from my laptop and new phone will be coming with me. If alex needs to talk to me, he can do it through my lawyer. Not sure if anything else will happen, my fingers are crossed that he doesn't think anythings amiss until after I leave - and I'm not turning the breaker back on when I do. He can when he gets home. My work is covering the plane ticket, so that at least is one expense I don't have to finagle in.
Update 3 May 7, 2024
Update 3: I have 2 weeks to get away from my husband.
It's been a busy week, but I've gotten so much done. Firstly, I am now out of the house and am currently in a hotel while I look for an apartment. It's a big city, bustling with people no matter where you look. We had a pretty bad storm system hit back home, that actually lasted two days. High winds, thunder, lightning and even hail everywhere. I didn't take much from the house, my documents, clothes and important sentimental items. I left all of the furniture and electronics behind. I cleaned the house top to bottom and took pictures on my phone so he couldn't claim I damaged anything when I left.
My lawyer has already started divorce proceedings, and my husband will be served on the 8th. His plane is due to land early morning, and the sheriff will be there at the house waiting for him. He is very much about public appearances and reputation. My lawyer will be calling him as well to inform him that I am more than willing to air out everything to the public about his actions if it means securing my freedom from him. I will go to court as long as I must to get this pushed through.
I haven't told our friends or his in-laws yet, I will do that while he is on the flight to prevent him from getting wind of it before he's handed the divorce papers. I will be calling around and explaining why we're getting divorced, to try and prevent him from twisting this into somehow being my fault. I don't want him trying to claim I had an affair or something so I want to get the truth out before he can twist this.
I'm... doing okay. I'm tired, but yet I feel almost jittery and off-kilter. I keep looking over my shoulder and monitoring what I say even when I don't really need to anymore. Hopefully that will fade soon. My work is covering the cost of the hotel, and I'm working on getting my other things in order. I also need to find a new GP as I want to get a full test just to make sure everything is okay. I don't know when my next update will be, probably when the divorce papers are filed or if we have to go to court to push them through. I will try to keep my head up, but it feels like I'm in a whirlwind or something with so many things to do and think about. I kinda thought it would be easier once I got out of the house but while the fear is smaller, somehow the number of tasks only seems to have grown.
Update 4 May 14, 2024
Sorry I haven't updated for a while, things got hectic and a bit chaotic honestly. Firstly, I'm working on getting an apartment still and have applications in at three different places and will hopefully hear back from them soon. I'm still going into work here at the new location, so I don't have to worry about burning through my emergency savings completely. I've gotten a lot of emails from Alex, his family and our old friend group asking question after question. I have only sent one return email to Alex, explaining that I don't believe we are truly compatible, and it is best we separate now. That his treatment of me when I'd done nothing to deserve as such was just as much of a deal breaker as cheating was for him.
I ended the email with the statement that I would not be contacting him further and anything else he needed to pass on to me or vice versa would be done through my lawyer. For his family and friends, I just typed up one email outlining everything that had happened and why I left. I told them I wished them no ill will, but that such treatment of his wife and partner was not acceptable. That should Alex get remarried in the future, I wished they would help support both partners and not just Alex.
Alex, from what my lawyer told me, was livid when he was served. The sheriff actually ended up booking him for assault on an officer and menacing due to the threats he was shouting. His father bailed him out in a few hours, but with the testimony of the sheriff, my lawyer believes I have a very good chance at getting a restraining order. Alex, upon returning to the house, apparently lost his temper again, breaking the dining table into pieces as well as the tv, and putting several holes in the walls. At least that's what one of the emails from one of our friends reported as Alex called him to help him clean up the mess.
My lawyer already has pictures of the house I took, with timestamps as evidence nothing had been damaged by me. My friend reported that Alex tried to claim I'd been the one to trash the house but the holes in the wall were at head height - Alex is 6'3", and I'm 5'4" so he knew that was false. Either way, taking the pictures definitely will help me so again thank you everyone here for the advice because I never would have thought of that on my own. My work won't share details of where I am, as I do work with some higher end clientele who value security and that information won't be gossiped about and no, I'm not some stripper or escort. I deal with contracts, notary and business management. As such, even if Alex tried to use my work to find me, he wouldn't succeed.
NEW UPDATE
It’s been a little bit, and I thought I’d answer some questions before giving my update. It may be a while after this until things change.
Firstly, No I didn’t bring my car. The public transport here is good enough to use without needing one. I have secured an apartment, and the building has good security. You need a key card to enter, and there is a security guard at a desk right by the entrance to the building. As part of my contract, I gave them a photo of Alex and his family so that even in the off chance they do find me, they won’t be let in.
The responses I got from the emails varied. His family said I was overreacting, and that I owe Alex an apology for the problems this has caused him. The pending criminal charges puts him at risk of losing his job if he’s convicted. Alex sent a long email, apologizing and pleading for me to come home. He said he was worried for me, that he is willing to go to therapy if it will appease me. He wants us to remain together, and he didn’t think leaving was an appropriate response to his genuine concern and worry for my health and safety. The friends gave somewhat lacking replies, saying that they didn’t think Alex was ever going to hurt me and that I shouldn’t be letting my imagination run away wild. As much as I want to say I was surprised by the lack of support, I’m honestly not.
He intends to fight the divorce. I am letting my lawyer handle it, and I am also pursuing a protective order as well. Once I got approved for my apartment, I also froze my credit. I’ve changed my phone carrier and number, as well as making sure none of my documents list Alex as next of kin or POA.
Some have asked why I was so paranoid about Alex and his possible future actions. The answer for that actually is somewhat simple – my grandmother. I loved that woman to bits. As a teen, she explained why my grandfather was never around. He was extremely abusive and manipulative, and her generation didn’t allow divorce really. She wouldn’t have been able to buy a house or get a good enough job to support her and my mother on her own. As such, she endured it, shielded my mom as she could until my grandfather died. When I felt like I may have been overreacting, I remembered how she’d said she’d always wished she’d been able to see grandfather for what he was early on when she may have been able to annul the marriage.
I don’t know when I’ll update again, maybe when the divorce goes through or if something big happens but until then, I’m just trying to keep my head above the water.
THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP
DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7
2024.06.02 06:01 Choice_Evidence1983 AIO: I feel like a Dad a the daycare I work at is hitting on me (20f)
I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/EffectiveRepair8231
Originally posted to AmIOverreacting
AIO: I feel like a Dad a the daycare I work at is hitting on me (20f)
Trigger Warning: sexual assault, stalking, sexual harassment, mentions of CSA
Original Post: May 20, 2024
Hi! I work at a daycare, and I’ve noticed that one of the children's parents always makes inappropriate comments to me. At first, I thought he was just one of those people who always compliment others or that he just wanted to have a friendly relationship with his kids' educators, but now I think it’s more than that.
During my first weeks there, I was always assigned to his younger daughter’s group (the babies), so I would see him often. At first, it was brief friendly talk, but it really escalated when I started working with the older kids (4-year-olds). His other daughter, let’s call her Emmy, and I clicked right away when we found out we’re birthday twins. She always wants me to play with her and asks for hugs literally every two minutes. Whenever her dad comes to pick up his kids, she always makes sure to give me a big hug and tells her dad that we’re best friends.
Last month, Emmy’s dad and I ran into each other at the grocery store and started small talk. We were mostly talking about Emmy, and he just kept saying how much she loves me and that she wants me to come over to their house. I said something like, “Oh, she’s so cute. I love spending time with her too,” and tried to end the conversation, but he just kept talking. I noticed him looking at my chest a couple of times, which was one of the reasons I wanted to leave. He then offered me a ride, and although I initially declined, he kept pushing it, so I accepted. I didn’t let him see my house; I told him to drop me off downtown.
Since then, I keep running into him, but to the point where I don’t think it’s a coincidence. He doesn’t live in the same neighborhood as me (I live near downtown). In fact, when he dropped me off the first time, he kept going on and on about how he could never live somewhere as far away as I do. So why do I keep seeing him? In our conversations, he always makes sure to compliment my physical appearance or mention my age and how “young and smart” I am. It obviously makes me uncomfortable, but for the sake of his daughters, especially Emmy, I don’t really say anything. I have tried to set some boundaries, but it’s really uncomfortable. I jokingly said once, “Well, if I were your age, I don’t think I’d date someone as young as me,” and he was like, “Well, good thing I would,” and he laughed.
I casually mentioned this in a conversation with one of my colleagues, and she said something like, “Oh, he’s a flirt; that’s what he does.” She kept talking about how handsome he is (he is handsome but also a married dad of two). I asked if there’s anything we, as educators, could do if, hypothetically, a parent is being too friendly/flirty with us, and she basically said no.
Anyway, it’s gotten hot outside, so I’ve started wearing sundresses, shorts, and crop tops, and he always compliments my outfits when he sees me and says he likes seeing my bellybutton piercing out (EW). Also, Emmy has told me that her dad said I’ll be their nanny for the weekends when the daycare is closed. I don’t know if he actually said that because she’s 4, but I don’t even want to ask because I don’t want to give him ideas if he didn’t actually say it.
He has tried multiple times to give me his phone number to “call him if there’s anything,” and I always gently reminded him that we can communicate through the daycare app. He always says that he would rather call me directly than through the app. He was being super pushy, and I felt a little trapped, so I gave him my phone number. He texts me all the time, asking what I’m doing, etc. I have FaceTimed his daughters a couple of times, but it just feels wrong. I briefly talked about this to a friend, and she said that she would’ve told his wife. I don’t even think I have the guts to do that. Ever since my friend told me that, I started casually bringing up his wife in conversations. He would always change the subject or say she’s not here.
Anyway, all this is to ask: what should I do? Am I imagining things? I feel trapped. I can’t lose my job; I’m scared that it’ll take me forever to find another one. Also, all the kids love me, and I love them. I’ve really gotten attached to them. I love Emmy too, and I mostly feel bad for her. What would you do in this situation? I’ve asked, and you can’t ban a family from attending a daycare, so that option is out of the window. Also, we can’t be on our phones 24/7, so it’s extremely hard to get “evidence.” Anything helps. Thank you!
I don’t know i’m I’m posting this on the right subs, if not sorry about that
Edit: I’ve never seen his wife, he’s the one who does everything. Emmy has mentioned her a few times (saying things like “Mommy got me this shirt” or something) but I don’t even know what she looks like. He doesn’t talk about her unless I bring her up.
Edit 2: About the crop tops, we are allowed to wear them at work with long pants. Same thing with shorts, we can wear them with a non-cropped shirt. 90% of his comments about my piercing were outside of work, when I would run into him. Also, I blocked him. I don’t know if he noticed, but he’s blocked.
Edit 3: A lot of people are asking me why/what I am scared of. I don’t have an exact answer. I’ve had a lot of traumatizing experiences with men so I don’t feel comfortable around any man in general. I don’t have any guy friends. It’s like I think of all the things they could do to me if they wanted to, then I get scared/uncomfortable. I know I have a fawn trauma response and I am working on it, I really am. Also, I have work on Friday (or Wednesday maybe) and I will talk to my supervisors and update.
Relevant Comments
Commenter: “That wouldn’t be appropriate” seems like a good response to 90% of his requests. I would get used to being comfortable saying that to pushy male customers.
Update #1: May 23, 2024
Hello everyone,
I want to thank everyone who gave me advice. I tried to read every comment. Before I give you an update, I need to clarify a few things:
Update: I was only scheduled on Friday this week but ended up working today too. I texted my manager saying that I have something very important to tell her about a parent and that I'm afraid my safety could be compromised. She asked me to come to her office before work to talk about it.
I was very scared because reading the comments made me realize that I could lose my job because I gave him my number. But I still told her everything (looking back, I missed a few things, but I told her the most important things). I told her about how, in the beginning (when I was assigned to his 2-year-old daughter's group), he was very friendly and nice to me, but it escalated when I started caring for Emmy. I told her about the grocery incident, the gas station incident, and seeing him near my neighborhood.
She kind of "defended" him by saying that I live near downtown, so it’s not a miracle to run into someone there. I then brought up the fact that, yes, I understand that, but he’s told me that he enjoys staying in his neighborhood and that I live so far away, and he doesn’t understand how I'm able to work at a job so far away, so it was weird to see him so much. I think it made her understand more. I told her about the comments about my appearance. I asked her if it was possible to get assigned to another group, and she said yes.
I told her about me giving him my number after feeling pressured, and she said that I shouldn’t have done that, that it’s very dangerous to give out personal information like that. She also said that, especially with my job, all communication must be through the app. She said that she was a little more upset at the dad because he’s been attending that daycare for almost four years, and he knows that parents are not allowed to do that.
I then told her about how he makes Emmy play with her friends when it’s time to go just to talk to me longer. She said that since I won’t be assigned to Emmy’s group, I won’t even have to talk to him at all. She said that she’ll take care of it and let the other girls know to keep an eye on him.
I told her about the Facetimes and how he told Emmy that I was mean for not answering one time and how he made her cry. She only said that that was out of line. I asked if it was possible to “ban” him from attending, and she said maybe. She doesn’t have any solid proof (I showed her some text messages, but she said that he was being friendly in the messages and that there was nothing sexual). She said that most of this was basically hearsay, and she doesn’t have concrete proof of him being an actual predator.
As for Emmy, we played together on the playground as usual. I think the hardest part for me is to slowly distance myself from her. I did, however, encourage her to play with her friends, but she would always come back every five minutes to ask to play with me. When her dad arrived, he greeted me and asked me about Emmy’s day and her keychain. I said that I did not take care of her today and pointed to the girl that did. I then got up to get Emmy to tell her to leave. He tried to stop me, but I just kept walking. I didn’t really give him time to talk to me. When I got Emmy, I gave her a hug, then stayed on the other side of the playground, and they left. I know it’s not much, but at least I avoided an interaction with him today.
I think that’s it. I tried to answer everything.
Edit: He’s never driven me home, I would always ask to drop me off downtown. Typo sorry!
Comments
Commenter: If he texts you, tell him that you got a memo from work that says all interaction with parents must go through the app with no exceptions for legal and safety reasons and that you can't risk your job. Then block him.
Or just block him.
Update #2: May 24, 2024
Hi, I saw some comments asking for an update, so I wanted to share what happened because I am too ashamed to tell someone in real life. I had work from yesterday 8 AM to 5 PM, then went straight to the gym to work out with a friend. I got there around 6 PM and worked out until about 8:30 PM. I was walking home (I live about 10 minutes away from my gym) when I heard someone behind me. Looking back, I know I shouldn’t have walked home, but I didn’t think about it in the moment. I had music in my ears, so I didn’t know if someone was talking to me or on the phone, so I just kept walking. I felt the person getting closer and immediately thought, “Oh my God, what if it’s him?” I started walking a little faster.
After about 2 minutes, the person tapped me on the shoulder. When I turned around, it was him. My heart dropped. I immediately froze. I had practiced what to say if I ever got into this situation, but of course I had to forget everything. He acted like we ran into each other and said, “Hey, it’s nice seeing you.” I said, “Hi, nice seeing you, but I have to go.” He complimented my hair (I recently dyed it) and said it looked good on me. I said a quick thank you and tried to leave. He then grabbed my wrist and said, “I don’t like when you act like that.” I just froze up; I couldn’t move. He asked why I don’t take care of Emmy anymore. He said that she constantly asks about me at home and that I make her cry. I stuttered and said I didn’t know, that I’m not the one who decides. I said I have to go now, sorry. He then asked if I blocked him. I said I really can’t talk right now.
He then blurted out that he saw me working out. He was doing all of this while grabbing my wrist, mind you. I didn’t know what to say, so I repeated that I had to go. He started looking at me up and down in a disgusting way. He was staring at my boobs while smiling. He then started caressing my arms. One arm stopped at my waist, and the other one kept caressing my arm. He would sometimes move it to my chest and touch me there. I don’t know why I didn’t just punch him in the face. I just could. not. move. Before you ask, I wasn’t wearing anything revealing. I had on a hoodie and sweatpants. I even removed my belly piercing because I don’t like this type of attention.
I eventually quietly said, “Can you please stop?” He looked at me, smiled, and then left. I’ve been getting sexually assaulted by men since the age of 7. I promised myself after getting sexually assaulted at 18 by a friend that I would never let it happen again. Now this. I don’t know why this keeps happening. Most of the time, I feel like my body isn’t even mine, just for someone else to use whenever they feel like it, no matter if I want it or not. Maybe it was my fault because I shouldn’t have walked home knowing I had a “stalker”. Maybe it’s my fault because I didn’t tell him to leave me alone earlier. Maybe it’s my fault because I am 20 years old and I can’t fucking say no. I know he didn’t full-on grab my tits and squeeze them, but I feel so so violated. I am too ashamed to reveal this to anyone. I told my boss I was sick to avoid going to work for a couple of days.
I went to the police station, but they said there wasn’t anything they could do legally because he didn’t commit actual crimes and that I didn’t really have any proof. I just feel like they didn’t take me seriously. They gave me tips to be more careful like don’t walk late at night, change your number, don’t have the same routine, etc., but that’s it. They won’t give me a restraining order. I’ll be honest, I didn’t understand half of the terminology they were using. But from what I understood, we’re both adults so the texting and Facetimes aren’t incriminating enough. I guess I’ll just stay home. I feel so dirty. I thought I had everything under control because I found a way to avoid him at work, but I guess I was wrong. I genuinely thought that I found a way to make everything stop.
The worst part is I saw some comments saying that this whole situation could escalate if he finds out that I’m avoiding him and I didn’t believe them. Again, I was wrong. I don’t know if I’m looking for advice or sympathy, but I don’t have anyone in my life who could help. Maybe some friends, but I am just so ashamed and embarrassed to say that a man was “groping” me and I basically let it happen because I was scared. It’s just humiliating. As for my family, knowing my mom, she would most likely slut-shame me and say it’s my fault. But yeah, here’s the update I guess. I don’t know if I’ll update after this, mainly because I don’t know what else to do.
Edit: (copying and pasting this from one of my replies because I can see how it looks): i posted about him 4 days ago but i started having doubts about him stalking be like a month ago i think. i talked to my manager wednesday and i got assigned to another group. i didn’t interact with him wednesday and yesterday. HE is the one saying that his daughter is crying about not seeing me. i know it’s not true, he keeps saying stuff like this. saying things about his daughter to make me feel bad because he knows we’re close. when this incident happened, i went straight to the police station near my home to tell them what happened (bc it’s opened day and night). i asked if with what i have i can have a restraining order and they said no. i know im updating quick but i genuinely don’t have anyone i can talk to about this
Edit 2: Okay I think I’ll just quit my job stay with a friend for now. I’ll send an email explaining my situation with my boss and try to find a stay at home job. Thank you all
submitted by Choice_Evidence1983 to BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]
Originally posted to AmIOverreacting
AIO: I feel like a Dad a the daycare I work at is hitting on me (20f)
Trigger Warning: sexual assault, stalking, sexual harassment, mentions of CSA
Hi! I work at a daycare, and I’ve noticed that one of the children's parents always makes inappropriate comments to me. At first, I thought he was just one of those people who always compliment others or that he just wanted to have a friendly relationship with his kids' educators, but now I think it’s more than that.
During my first weeks there, I was always assigned to his younger daughter’s group (the babies), so I would see him often. At first, it was brief friendly talk, but it really escalated when I started working with the older kids (4-year-olds). His other daughter, let’s call her Emmy, and I clicked right away when we found out we’re birthday twins. She always wants me to play with her and asks for hugs literally every two minutes. Whenever her dad comes to pick up his kids, she always makes sure to give me a big hug and tells her dad that we’re best friends.
Last month, Emmy’s dad and I ran into each other at the grocery store and started small talk. We were mostly talking about Emmy, and he just kept saying how much she loves me and that she wants me to come over to their house. I said something like, “Oh, she’s so cute. I love spending time with her too,” and tried to end the conversation, but he just kept talking. I noticed him looking at my chest a couple of times, which was one of the reasons I wanted to leave. He then offered me a ride, and although I initially declined, he kept pushing it, so I accepted. I didn’t let him see my house; I told him to drop me off downtown.
Since then, I keep running into him, but to the point where I don’t think it’s a coincidence. He doesn’t live in the same neighborhood as me (I live near downtown). In fact, when he dropped me off the first time, he kept going on and on about how he could never live somewhere as far away as I do. So why do I keep seeing him? In our conversations, he always makes sure to compliment my physical appearance or mention my age and how “young and smart” I am. It obviously makes me uncomfortable, but for the sake of his daughters, especially Emmy, I don’t really say anything. I have tried to set some boundaries, but it’s really uncomfortable. I jokingly said once, “Well, if I were your age, I don’t think I’d date someone as young as me,” and he was like, “Well, good thing I would,” and he laughed.
I casually mentioned this in a conversation with one of my colleagues, and she said something like, “Oh, he’s a flirt; that’s what he does.” She kept talking about how handsome he is (he is handsome but also a married dad of two). I asked if there’s anything we, as educators, could do if, hypothetically, a parent is being too friendly/flirty with us, and she basically said no.
Anyway, it’s gotten hot outside, so I’ve started wearing sundresses, shorts, and crop tops, and he always compliments my outfits when he sees me and says he likes seeing my bellybutton piercing out (EW). Also, Emmy has told me that her dad said I’ll be their nanny for the weekends when the daycare is closed. I don’t know if he actually said that because she’s 4, but I don’t even want to ask because I don’t want to give him ideas if he didn’t actually say it.
He has tried multiple times to give me his phone number to “call him if there’s anything,” and I always gently reminded him that we can communicate through the daycare app. He always says that he would rather call me directly than through the app. He was being super pushy, and I felt a little trapped, so I gave him my phone number. He texts me all the time, asking what I’m doing, etc. I have FaceTimed his daughters a couple of times, but it just feels wrong. I briefly talked about this to a friend, and she said that she would’ve told his wife. I don’t even think I have the guts to do that. Ever since my friend told me that, I started casually bringing up his wife in conversations. He would always change the subject or say she’s not here.
Anyway, all this is to ask: what should I do? Am I imagining things? I feel trapped. I can’t lose my job; I’m scared that it’ll take me forever to find another one. Also, all the kids love me, and I love them. I’ve really gotten attached to them. I love Emmy too, and I mostly feel bad for her. What would you do in this situation? I’ve asked, and you can’t ban a family from attending a daycare, so that option is out of the window. Also, we can’t be on our phones 24/7, so it’s extremely hard to get “evidence.” Anything helps. Thank you!
I don’t know i’m I’m posting this on the right subs, if not sorry about that
Edit: I’ve never seen his wife, he’s the one who does everything. Emmy has mentioned her a few times (saying things like “Mommy got me this shirt” or something) but I don’t even know what she looks like. He doesn’t talk about her unless I bring her up.
Edit 2: About the crop tops, we are allowed to wear them at work with long pants. Same thing with shorts, we can wear them with a non-cropped shirt. 90% of his comments about my piercing were outside of work, when I would run into him. Also, I blocked him. I don’t know if he noticed, but he’s blocked.
Edit 3: A lot of people are asking me why/what I am scared of. I don’t have an exact answer. I’ve had a lot of traumatizing experiences with men so I don’t feel comfortable around any man in general. I don’t have any guy friends. It’s like I think of all the things they could do to me if they wanted to, then I get scared/uncomfortable. I know I have a fawn trauma response and I am working on it, I really am. Also, I have work on Friday (or Wednesday maybe) and I will talk to my supervisors and update.
Relevant Comments
Commenter: “That wouldn’t be appropriate” seems like a good response to 90% of his requests. I would get used to being comfortable saying that to pushy male customers.
OOP: i say that sometimes and he’s like “oh well you’re best friends with emmy so we’re basically family” and i get scared so i just laugh it off or i try to end the conversationsOOP responds to multiple redditors on not accepting any more things from the father and speak with her supervisor about her concerns
OOP: i do say those things and he says that we’re like family because i’m “friends” with his daughter. i don’t always answer and he’ll sometimes bring it up when he drops off/picks up his kids and i say things oh i was busy or i didn’t see it. i keep telling myself that this time ill be direct and just say no but i just get so scared. it’s not like im full on flirting with him, i do reject him but not as firmly as i should i guess. whenever he brings up dating i say things like im not looking for a bf. and for the facetime thing, one time he was being really insistent and i said no and the text time i saw them at work, emmy asked me why i didn’t pick up the call and he said in front of her that i was being mean that day and that i didn’t wanna talk to her. she ended up crying. i tried telling my supervisor and she said that she never noticed any weird behaviour from him and he’s a very friendly man. she asked me if i had any proof which i didn’t. idk what else to do~
i tried to talk to one of my supervisors about it but rn they’re always busy (they’re the new owners of the daycare so they’re trying to figure everything out) so it’s never a good time. i am alone with my group. i see him in the morning when he’s dropping off emmy and in the afternoon outside when he’s picking his kids up. our conversation in the morning are more brief bc all the parents are coming at the same time so there’s not much time. in the afternoon, he always tells emmy to keep playing with her friends just to buy more time and when i tell him i have to go back to watching everyone he says that there are plenty of other educators who are watching them and not to worry about it. i try to say things like hey i really have to go back to work/now’s not a right time but it’s like there’s nothing i can say to get through to him. im the one in charge of emmy i have to be the one to talk to him about emmy’s day etc
Update #1: May 23, 2024
Hello everyone,
I want to thank everyone who gave me advice. I tried to read every comment. Before I give you an update, I need to clarify a few things:
- I don’t work at a school; it's a private, family-owned (i think) daycare. I have three managers—two women and one man. They became the new owners in January. I primarily interact with one of the female managers. I've tried to discuss this situation with her, but it’s never the right time. For example, I’d knock on her office door and say I needed to talk about Emmy’s dad. She’d say she’s busy and ask me to come back later. When I did, she’d apologize and ask to talk the next day. She also suggested texting, but I didn't feel comfortable telling her everything through text.
- Some suggested having another teacher watch my group when he arrives, but that’s not possible. In the afternoon, after nap time, we take the kids outside until their parents pick them up. All educators need to stay outside to supervise. When parents arrive, I discuss their child's day and hand over their keychain. It’s difficult because he always approaches me when I’m distracted, so I can’t warn a coworker.
- Rides: The first time I saw him outside of work was at the grocery store. He recognized me, we chatted briefly, and he offered me a ride. I declined, but he insisted, saying it was ungentlemanly to let me carry groceries alone. He paid for my groceries and drove me home, despite my discomfort. I sat in the backseat, but still. I shouldn’t have said yes. I was just so weirded out by the entire situation. The second time was at a gas station. After hanging out with a friend in his neighborhood, I stopped there for a drink. He saw me and again offered a ride. He was pushy, so I reluctantly agreed. That was the last time I accepted a ride from him.
- Clothing: Most of his comments about my piercing happened outside of work. I don’t wear revealing clothes to work; I mostly wear sweats. Occasionally, I wear a long sleeve crop top with sweatpants, which my managers don’t mind. We’re allowed to wear mom shorts. But again, I most of the time I wear sweats.
- Facetime: I’ve Facetimed his daughters three times, and each call lasted less than five minutes. I realize now that this was inappropriate, but yes it happened.
- Texting: I don’t always respond to his texts. If he texts ten times, I might reply three times. The thing is, he often asks in person why I don’t respond, telling me he had something important to say. He’d sometimes say that in front of Emmy, then say, “You see that Emmy, she’s not nice to Daddy. She doesn’t want to talk to me.”
- I live in Canada. Some suggested carrying pepper spray for protection, but it’s illegal here, so that’s not an option.
- I don’t know his exact age, but I’d guess late 30s to mid-40s. I’ve never seen his wife; some suggested they might be separated. Maybe. Emmy has mentioned her mom before, but she seems closer to her dad.
- The dating comment: I had ZERO idea my comment could be seen as flirting. I thought I was indirectly turning him down. When the topic of dating came up, I said I didn’t want a relationship. He joked that we’d get along great, and I responded by saying “Don’t you think you’re a little too old for me?” And he said, jokingly, “Oh, man. Dont say that. You’re very mature.” That’s when I said that I wouldn’t date someone my age if I were his age.
I was very scared because reading the comments made me realize that I could lose my job because I gave him my number. But I still told her everything (looking back, I missed a few things, but I told her the most important things). I told her about how, in the beginning (when I was assigned to his 2-year-old daughter's group), he was very friendly and nice to me, but it escalated when I started caring for Emmy. I told her about the grocery incident, the gas station incident, and seeing him near my neighborhood.
She kind of "defended" him by saying that I live near downtown, so it’s not a miracle to run into someone there. I then brought up the fact that, yes, I understand that, but he’s told me that he enjoys staying in his neighborhood and that I live so far away, and he doesn’t understand how I'm able to work at a job so far away, so it was weird to see him so much. I think it made her understand more. I told her about the comments about my appearance. I asked her if it was possible to get assigned to another group, and she said yes.
I told her about me giving him my number after feeling pressured, and she said that I shouldn’t have done that, that it’s very dangerous to give out personal information like that. She also said that, especially with my job, all communication must be through the app. She said that she was a little more upset at the dad because he’s been attending that daycare for almost four years, and he knows that parents are not allowed to do that.
I then told her about how he makes Emmy play with her friends when it’s time to go just to talk to me longer. She said that since I won’t be assigned to Emmy’s group, I won’t even have to talk to him at all. She said that she’ll take care of it and let the other girls know to keep an eye on him.
I told her about the Facetimes and how he told Emmy that I was mean for not answering one time and how he made her cry. She only said that that was out of line. I asked if it was possible to “ban” him from attending, and she said maybe. She doesn’t have any solid proof (I showed her some text messages, but she said that he was being friendly in the messages and that there was nothing sexual). She said that most of this was basically hearsay, and she doesn’t have concrete proof of him being an actual predator.
As for Emmy, we played together on the playground as usual. I think the hardest part for me is to slowly distance myself from her. I did, however, encourage her to play with her friends, but she would always come back every five minutes to ask to play with me. When her dad arrived, he greeted me and asked me about Emmy’s day and her keychain. I said that I did not take care of her today and pointed to the girl that did. I then got up to get Emmy to tell her to leave. He tried to stop me, but I just kept walking. I didn’t really give him time to talk to me. When I got Emmy, I gave her a hug, then stayed on the other side of the playground, and they left. I know it’s not much, but at least I avoided an interaction with him today.
I think that’s it. I tried to answer everything.
Edit: He’s never driven me home, I would always ask to drop me off downtown. Typo sorry!
Comments
Commenter: If he texts you, tell him that you got a memo from work that says all interaction with parents must go through the app with no exceptions for legal and safety reasons and that you can't risk your job. Then block him.
Or just block him.
Update #2: May 24, 2024
Hi, I saw some comments asking for an update, so I wanted to share what happened because I am too ashamed to tell someone in real life. I had work from yesterday 8 AM to 5 PM, then went straight to the gym to work out with a friend. I got there around 6 PM and worked out until about 8:30 PM. I was walking home (I live about 10 minutes away from my gym) when I heard someone behind me. Looking back, I know I shouldn’t have walked home, but I didn’t think about it in the moment. I had music in my ears, so I didn’t know if someone was talking to me or on the phone, so I just kept walking. I felt the person getting closer and immediately thought, “Oh my God, what if it’s him?” I started walking a little faster.
After about 2 minutes, the person tapped me on the shoulder. When I turned around, it was him. My heart dropped. I immediately froze. I had practiced what to say if I ever got into this situation, but of course I had to forget everything. He acted like we ran into each other and said, “Hey, it’s nice seeing you.” I said, “Hi, nice seeing you, but I have to go.” He complimented my hair (I recently dyed it) and said it looked good on me. I said a quick thank you and tried to leave. He then grabbed my wrist and said, “I don’t like when you act like that.” I just froze up; I couldn’t move. He asked why I don’t take care of Emmy anymore. He said that she constantly asks about me at home and that I make her cry. I stuttered and said I didn’t know, that I’m not the one who decides. I said I have to go now, sorry. He then asked if I blocked him. I said I really can’t talk right now.
He then blurted out that he saw me working out. He was doing all of this while grabbing my wrist, mind you. I didn’t know what to say, so I repeated that I had to go. He started looking at me up and down in a disgusting way. He was staring at my boobs while smiling. He then started caressing my arms. One arm stopped at my waist, and the other one kept caressing my arm. He would sometimes move it to my chest and touch me there. I don’t know why I didn’t just punch him in the face. I just could. not. move. Before you ask, I wasn’t wearing anything revealing. I had on a hoodie and sweatpants. I even removed my belly piercing because I don’t like this type of attention.
I eventually quietly said, “Can you please stop?” He looked at me, smiled, and then left. I’ve been getting sexually assaulted by men since the age of 7. I promised myself after getting sexually assaulted at 18 by a friend that I would never let it happen again. Now this. I don’t know why this keeps happening. Most of the time, I feel like my body isn’t even mine, just for someone else to use whenever they feel like it, no matter if I want it or not. Maybe it was my fault because I shouldn’t have walked home knowing I had a “stalker”. Maybe it’s my fault because I didn’t tell him to leave me alone earlier. Maybe it’s my fault because I am 20 years old and I can’t fucking say no. I know he didn’t full-on grab my tits and squeeze them, but I feel so so violated. I am too ashamed to reveal this to anyone. I told my boss I was sick to avoid going to work for a couple of days.
I went to the police station, but they said there wasn’t anything they could do legally because he didn’t commit actual crimes and that I didn’t really have any proof. I just feel like they didn’t take me seriously. They gave me tips to be more careful like don’t walk late at night, change your number, don’t have the same routine, etc., but that’s it. They won’t give me a restraining order. I’ll be honest, I didn’t understand half of the terminology they were using. But from what I understood, we’re both adults so the texting and Facetimes aren’t incriminating enough. I guess I’ll just stay home. I feel so dirty. I thought I had everything under control because I found a way to avoid him at work, but I guess I was wrong. I genuinely thought that I found a way to make everything stop.
The worst part is I saw some comments saying that this whole situation could escalate if he finds out that I’m avoiding him and I didn’t believe them. Again, I was wrong. I don’t know if I’m looking for advice or sympathy, but I don’t have anyone in my life who could help. Maybe some friends, but I am just so ashamed and embarrassed to say that a man was “groping” me and I basically let it happen because I was scared. It’s just humiliating. As for my family, knowing my mom, she would most likely slut-shame me and say it’s my fault. But yeah, here’s the update I guess. I don’t know if I’ll update after this, mainly because I don’t know what else to do.
Edit: (copying and pasting this from one of my replies because I can see how it looks): i posted about him 4 days ago but i started having doubts about him stalking be like a month ago i think. i talked to my manager wednesday and i got assigned to another group. i didn’t interact with him wednesday and yesterday. HE is the one saying that his daughter is crying about not seeing me. i know it’s not true, he keeps saying stuff like this. saying things about his daughter to make me feel bad because he knows we’re close. when this incident happened, i went straight to the police station near my home to tell them what happened (bc it’s opened day and night). i asked if with what i have i can have a restraining order and they said no. i know im updating quick but i genuinely don’t have anyone i can talk to about this
Edit 2: Okay I think I’ll just quit my job stay with a friend for now. I’ll send an email explaining my situation with my boss and try to find a stay at home job. Thank you all
DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7
THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP
2024.06.02 06:00 Choice_Evidence1983 WIBTA if I refuse to have intimacy with my husband?
I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/cherry_muffin_no7
Originally posted to AITA_WIBTA_PUBLIC
WIBTA if I refuse to have intimacy with my husband?
Thanks to u/queenlegolas and u/Direct-Caterpillar77 for suggesting this BoRU
Editor’s Note: added paragraph breaks for readability
Trigger Warnings: infidelity, car accident, body injuries, mentions of death of loved one, manipulation
Original Post: May 25, 2024
I won't sugarcoat any words here or make the situation in my favour. I need a very non biased opinion.
Around Mid August of 2019, Me (28F) and My husband (35M) tied a knot between us. He have two kids from his previous marriage. He and his ex wife are co-parenting their kids. I really love the kids.
One of the major factors why I got married with him was kids. I have reasons for that. My father died when I was 15. My mom wasn't so highly educated, so with that less education qualification, she couldn't provide for me and my other 3 younger brothers all alone. So I started to do part time jobs. I babysat, cleaned people's yard, took out pet's for walk, did assignments of my classmates etc. I earned really little amount of money with that but it helped my family slightest. When I was 17, I took a food delivery job.
One night, around 10-11 I was dropping food at the other side of city. A drunk driver hit my cycle and I went into a terrible accident. The driver needed to pay a large fine for that since my condition was very critical. I had alot internal bleeding and damage. So because of that accident, my doctor confirmed that in future the chances of me getting pregnant is very less, it will be a miracle for me to have my own kid. I was at the lowest part of my life because of that accident. I couldn't go out or do my work on my own. My family took care of me. It took me around 8 months to get well.
At first I didn't mind having a childless life but when I started to notice my friends are having family, I realised the beauty of motherhood. So I started dating guys with kids. My husband was my second bf. We tied knot after we dated for 10 months. When I got married his son was 11 and his daughter was 7. I got along with them well. It took them few months before they started to call me mama by their own. I left my job to be the stay at home mom for them, honestly I really adore them. I have a good relationship with their bio mom too.
After COVID, we went to Belgium for our 2nd anniversary on 2021. The trip was all good and I remember feeling so loved. The day before we were supposed to come back in our home, he proposed the idea of opening our marriage. If I say I was hurt it'll be a understatement. I couldn't look in his eyes without feeling hollow and sorrow. I said no multiple times after coming back from the trip but he kept persisting.
After couple of weeks I gave up and agreed. He set the terms. I don't remember most of it but few of his terms was never share this information with others, we can't date our exes or friends, no emotional attachment with our partners and always use protection.
In his words, he still loves me. He only opened the marriage because he wanted to gain experience and use it on our marriage. I remember going to sleep all crying and hurt. I gave up on my job to take care of him and the kids yet he yearned for another woman. We became distant. He noticed that and tried to initiate intimacy with me but I don't feel anything at all. I just lay there until he is done. I also distanced myself from him.
The idea of him having intimacy with other woman while being in a marriage with me disgusted me. I couldn't look at him at the same way I used to. We always have our location on so I could see where he is going. Those used to hurt me alot untill I became completely numb at this point. Now I don't see him as my husband but someone I tied knots with to be a mother.
Last year, I told him I wanna start work again. He got defensive kinda? He tried to use alot reasons to show why can't I work. When he saw all of his tricks going downhill he pulled the kids in the mess. He knew I have soft spots for his kids. I didn't back down that time. He gave me cold shoulder and went on trip with one of his gf. I applied to be a teacher at my brother's high school. He is the youngest of my all siblings and a sophomore. I am teaching chemistry in his school. My husband was mad at me for having a job for few months but he gave up. I started to give myself alot times.
Since the kids have extra curriculum activities they always don't stay at home. I have a friend circle from high school. I hung out with them every two weeks. I met a guy in my workplace. He is 29 and have three kids with his late wife. One day I ranted about my whole situation. He showed interest in me after that. He is a nice guy. I went on few dates with him. Nothing physical happened between us. I think I am relying on him for mental support since he is very supportive of me. I haven't felt something like that for a long time in my life.
Now few days ago, I went to salon and cut my hair short into shoulder length. My husband complimented me multiple times that day. The kids went to their grandparent's house for summer vacation. During night, he tried to initiate intimacy. Well I straight up said no for the first time. I think he got taken aback? He had mix of few expressions that I can't put a finger on. He started to use the husband card on me and I put my foot down to say no.
We had a huge argument and he left. I saw his location, he went to one of his girlfriend's place. He didn't contacted me for 2 days now. Now I am stuck between two thoughts. Even if I don't feel anything towards him he is still my husband. I can't share this with anyone so I need advice on this.
Relevant Comments
RndmIntrntStranger: INFO: Is having children really worth a husband who demanded an open marriage and did not want you to have financial independence?
Update: May 26, 2024 (next day)
Last night I made a post about my current situation of my marriage and asked for a non-biased view. There almost 300 people who responded and gave me advice. I couldn't respond all of that since I was overwhelmed with alot emotions. There is few things I want to clarify.
Firstly, I met my husband after my graduation when I was looking for a job. I made things official with him after I had the job. We dated for 10 months before getting married.
Secondly, His ex wife and he were childhood sweetheart who married each other when they were in college. After the birth of their second child, they realised they don't have the same bond so they got divorced and have 50/50 custody.
Thirdly, few people in my previous post asked me to make things official with my coworker. I would do that when I am ready. Currently my mental health isn't in the best position. I am working on it. Plus I can't have intimacy with anyone whom I barely know. We've been coworkers about almost a year but still I am not ready to make things all good.
Lastly, those who are saying I am using sex as a punishment, it's quite opposite. He barely comes home. He is always out with the kids or his girlfriends. I would love to add he doesn't have one but three girlfriend and yes all of them are aware of my existence.
Now to the update.
Last night I made a post about the current situation of my marriage with my husband. Asking if i would be the AH if I refuse to have intimacy. He haven't came back in last three days or contacted me. The kids talks with me daily. I had few conversation with their bio mom too (they are over her parent's place).
Honestly I thought he will get over it or won't bother me for a long time, but I was wrong as hell. During lunch, my mom came over to visit me. she asked if everything was okay between me and my husband. I didn't lie this time and straight up said no. We had a long conversation about my marriage and I was relieved after that. It felt so good after sharing everything with her. I am not ashamed to admit I cried like a kid in her arms while explaining everything. She stayed with me entire day. She called one of my younger brother (26) and told him everything. If I say he was mad it'll be an understatement. He asked why the hell I suffered that much and scolded me for couple of minutes. With the help of my mom and brother I packed my stuffs. I didn't leave with any of the stuffs he got me.
Most likely we will get a divorce soon. I texted a short message in his number, thanking him for being my husband and I won't be continuing the marriage anymore along with some personal stuffs between us. With the help of my friend and family currently I am finding a lawyer. I don't know how long it'll take me to finally get out of the marriage. I left the house around evening and sent the sms around 7. After that I muted his number.
I also told his ex wife about this and needless to say she was as much shocked as everyone. Because he wasn't like that. She assured me that even after divorce she will let me see the kids. I am really grateful for that part. Divorcing him will be easy since we always had separate accounts. I have little savings.
Before I get on my own feet properly I will be staying with my mom in our old house. I turned off my location before leaving his house but it won't be long untill he figures out where am I. He is currently messaging me but I am not strong enough to open them and read them so I haven't responded or read his sms
Relevant Comments
chimera4n: Well done! If he gets upset, just remind him that he was the one who ruined the marriage by cheating.
I say cheating, because an open marriage only works if both partners are willing, a one sided open marriage is just cheating.
Bitter-Picture5394: Good for you. You deserve a life where you are respected and your feelings validated. You will find true happiness as long as you keep advocating for yourself.
submitted by Choice_Evidence1983 to BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]
Originally posted to AITA_WIBTA_PUBLIC
WIBTA if I refuse to have intimacy with my husband?
Thanks to u/queenlegolas and u/Direct-Caterpillar77 for suggesting this BoRU
Editor’s Note: added paragraph breaks for readability
Trigger Warnings: infidelity, car accident, body injuries, mentions of death of loved one, manipulation
I won't sugarcoat any words here or make the situation in my favour. I need a very non biased opinion.
Around Mid August of 2019, Me (28F) and My husband (35M) tied a knot between us. He have two kids from his previous marriage. He and his ex wife are co-parenting their kids. I really love the kids.
One of the major factors why I got married with him was kids. I have reasons for that. My father died when I was 15. My mom wasn't so highly educated, so with that less education qualification, she couldn't provide for me and my other 3 younger brothers all alone. So I started to do part time jobs. I babysat, cleaned people's yard, took out pet's for walk, did assignments of my classmates etc. I earned really little amount of money with that but it helped my family slightest. When I was 17, I took a food delivery job.
One night, around 10-11 I was dropping food at the other side of city. A drunk driver hit my cycle and I went into a terrible accident. The driver needed to pay a large fine for that since my condition was very critical. I had alot internal bleeding and damage. So because of that accident, my doctor confirmed that in future the chances of me getting pregnant is very less, it will be a miracle for me to have my own kid. I was at the lowest part of my life because of that accident. I couldn't go out or do my work on my own. My family took care of me. It took me around 8 months to get well.
At first I didn't mind having a childless life but when I started to notice my friends are having family, I realised the beauty of motherhood. So I started dating guys with kids. My husband was my second bf. We tied knot after we dated for 10 months. When I got married his son was 11 and his daughter was 7. I got along with them well. It took them few months before they started to call me mama by their own. I left my job to be the stay at home mom for them, honestly I really adore them. I have a good relationship with their bio mom too.
After COVID, we went to Belgium for our 2nd anniversary on 2021. The trip was all good and I remember feeling so loved. The day before we were supposed to come back in our home, he proposed the idea of opening our marriage. If I say I was hurt it'll be a understatement. I couldn't look in his eyes without feeling hollow and sorrow. I said no multiple times after coming back from the trip but he kept persisting.
After couple of weeks I gave up and agreed. He set the terms. I don't remember most of it but few of his terms was never share this information with others, we can't date our exes or friends, no emotional attachment with our partners and always use protection.
In his words, he still loves me. He only opened the marriage because he wanted to gain experience and use it on our marriage. I remember going to sleep all crying and hurt. I gave up on my job to take care of him and the kids yet he yearned for another woman. We became distant. He noticed that and tried to initiate intimacy with me but I don't feel anything at all. I just lay there until he is done. I also distanced myself from him.
The idea of him having intimacy with other woman while being in a marriage with me disgusted me. I couldn't look at him at the same way I used to. We always have our location on so I could see where he is going. Those used to hurt me alot untill I became completely numb at this point. Now I don't see him as my husband but someone I tied knots with to be a mother.
Last year, I told him I wanna start work again. He got defensive kinda? He tried to use alot reasons to show why can't I work. When he saw all of his tricks going downhill he pulled the kids in the mess. He knew I have soft spots for his kids. I didn't back down that time. He gave me cold shoulder and went on trip with one of his gf. I applied to be a teacher at my brother's high school. He is the youngest of my all siblings and a sophomore. I am teaching chemistry in his school. My husband was mad at me for having a job for few months but he gave up. I started to give myself alot times.
Since the kids have extra curriculum activities they always don't stay at home. I have a friend circle from high school. I hung out with them every two weeks. I met a guy in my workplace. He is 29 and have three kids with his late wife. One day I ranted about my whole situation. He showed interest in me after that. He is a nice guy. I went on few dates with him. Nothing physical happened between us. I think I am relying on him for mental support since he is very supportive of me. I haven't felt something like that for a long time in my life.
Now few days ago, I went to salon and cut my hair short into shoulder length. My husband complimented me multiple times that day. The kids went to their grandparent's house for summer vacation. During night, he tried to initiate intimacy. Well I straight up said no for the first time. I think he got taken aback? He had mix of few expressions that I can't put a finger on. He started to use the husband card on me and I put my foot down to say no.
We had a huge argument and he left. I saw his location, he went to one of his girlfriend's place. He didn't contacted me for 2 days now. Now I am stuck between two thoughts. Even if I don't feel anything towards him he is still my husband. I can't share this with anyone so I need advice on this.
Relevant Comments
RndmIntrntStranger: INFO: Is having children really worth a husband who demanded an open marriage and did not want you to have financial independence?
OOP: He wasn't like that from the early days. After COVID I noticed some changes but didn't pay any attention on that. That time all I wanted was to have a child to raise like my own. Before him I dated another guy with a kid, he was nice but he had alot issues. Plus I resigned from my previous workplace with my own thoughts. I really wanted to devote myself in the kid's life. It was a mistake but now I have a job which pays me double amount than before. I still love the kids, they are all I could ask in a kid.Significant-Dot-2260: Girl, the marriage was over when he proposed an open marriage. Just divorce, love yourself more. A man who truly loves his life doesn't go outside the marriage for anything. Your husband just wants a stable life at home and someone to watch his kids when they're there, and all his fun with another woman. He's selfish, get some therapy, divorce, and live your life, and once you heal yourself, you'll be blessed with a man who truly loves only you. Don't waste anymore time and tears on that man
Update: May 26, 2024 (next day)
Last night I made a post about my current situation of my marriage and asked for a non-biased view. There almost 300 people who responded and gave me advice. I couldn't respond all of that since I was overwhelmed with alot emotions. There is few things I want to clarify.
Firstly, I met my husband after my graduation when I was looking for a job. I made things official with him after I had the job. We dated for 10 months before getting married.
Secondly, His ex wife and he were childhood sweetheart who married each other when they were in college. After the birth of their second child, they realised they don't have the same bond so they got divorced and have 50/50 custody.
Thirdly, few people in my previous post asked me to make things official with my coworker. I would do that when I am ready. Currently my mental health isn't in the best position. I am working on it. Plus I can't have intimacy with anyone whom I barely know. We've been coworkers about almost a year but still I am not ready to make things all good.
Lastly, those who are saying I am using sex as a punishment, it's quite opposite. He barely comes home. He is always out with the kids or his girlfriends. I would love to add he doesn't have one but three girlfriend and yes all of them are aware of my existence.
Now to the update.
Last night I made a post about the current situation of my marriage with my husband. Asking if i would be the AH if I refuse to have intimacy. He haven't came back in last three days or contacted me. The kids talks with me daily. I had few conversation with their bio mom too (they are over her parent's place).
Honestly I thought he will get over it or won't bother me for a long time, but I was wrong as hell. During lunch, my mom came over to visit me. she asked if everything was okay between me and my husband. I didn't lie this time and straight up said no. We had a long conversation about my marriage and I was relieved after that. It felt so good after sharing everything with her. I am not ashamed to admit I cried like a kid in her arms while explaining everything. She stayed with me entire day. She called one of my younger brother (26) and told him everything. If I say he was mad it'll be an understatement. He asked why the hell I suffered that much and scolded me for couple of minutes. With the help of my mom and brother I packed my stuffs. I didn't leave with any of the stuffs he got me.
Most likely we will get a divorce soon. I texted a short message in his number, thanking him for being my husband and I won't be continuing the marriage anymore along with some personal stuffs between us. With the help of my friend and family currently I am finding a lawyer. I don't know how long it'll take me to finally get out of the marriage. I left the house around evening and sent the sms around 7. After that I muted his number.
I also told his ex wife about this and needless to say she was as much shocked as everyone. Because he wasn't like that. She assured me that even after divorce she will let me see the kids. I am really grateful for that part. Divorcing him will be easy since we always had separate accounts. I have little savings.
Before I get on my own feet properly I will be staying with my mom in our old house. I turned off my location before leaving his house but it won't be long untill he figures out where am I. He is currently messaging me but I am not strong enough to open them and read them so I haven't responded or read his sms
Relevant Comments
chimera4n: Well done! If he gets upset, just remind him that he was the one who ruined the marriage by cheating.
I say cheating, because an open marriage only works if both partners are willing, a one sided open marriage is just cheating.
Bitter-Picture5394: Good for you. You deserve a life where you are respected and your feelings validated. You will find true happiness as long as you keep advocating for yourself.
DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7
THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP
2024.06.02 03:00 avis03 $0.99 on Amazon US through 7/2: {Losers Pt. 1 by Harley Laroux}
submitted by avis03 to ReverseHarem [link] [comments]2024.06.02 02:38 avis03 $0.99 on Amazon US through 7/2: {Her Soul to Take by Harley Laroux} and {Losers Pt. 1 by Harley Laroux}
submitted by avis03 to RomanceBooks [link] [comments]2024.06.02 02:21 V4POR97 Very Mysterious Song - "Love Me Now"
The song: https://youtu.be/gaWU5Sajdqg
Back in June 2011, a Tunnel.ru user called EDWARD created a post where he uploaded several snippets and was asking about the names of these songs. Some of them have been found, but the majority of them are still unknown. Almost all of these samples have high quality, except one. The so called Love Me Now snippet. This one, unlike the other samples, has poor quality and it seems like it has been recorded from a radio station. Despite this, most of the lyrics are intelligible, and the song is actually catchy, so this song definitely caught our attention. This was the first time he posted about this song.
This is where the story takes a strange turn. EDWARD had a conversation with another user called OM68. They were discussing the songs under this post, including Love Me Now. Very strangely, EDWARD thanked him for finding this song? Apparently, EDWARD named the title of the song as "Candyman", and said he thought this song was called Love Me Now.
There are multiple problems with this comment. First, this site is in Russian, so the translation is not clear. Second, if he claimed he indeed found this song, why didn't he post it? Or is the original comment made by OM68 deleted? Or did they discuss it in private messages? This raises the mystery of this Lostwave case...
OM68 also claimed if that the lyrics would be posted somewhere, he would have found the song earlier. (According to the not 100% correct translation.) EDWARD also said that he heard this in a better quality, and now he can hear "Call Me Now". But if he have heard the higher quality song, why didn't he post it or at least name the song?
https://www.watzatsong.com/en/name-that-tune/786801.html
Later, a channel for this song has been made on Lostwave Discord server on April 2nd 2024, and the search is still going on ever since.
https://youtu.be/gaWU5Sajdqg
HYDRA_OX was able to identify the cowbell instrument from the beginning. It's from a Roland TR-808. Which was made back in 1980-1983, so it didn't help guess the timeline of the song sadly (as the song doesn't sound like it's from the 80's.)
There was another rumour about this song being an Udo Kier track, just like in a solved case before. (https://youtu.be/XuwdvK-TS58) But this male vocalist/rapper doesn't like Udo Kier at all, so this theory has been debunked quickly.
HYDRA_OX also discovered a site called rao.ru which is a database for licensed songs in Russia. We've tried to search for this song there, with no results again sadly.
After the discovery of the third post, we were glad because Edward himself said that this song is called "Candyman". So we've started to look for this song again with high hopes. Unfortunately...we still couldn't find anything. Tried to search it on Discogs, YouTube, rao.ru, Rate Your Music and other sites...with no matches at all.
Meanwhile, Weatherapp silently left the Discord server and hasn't shown any activity since the beginning of April this year. So an another mystery occured in this case.
submitted by V4POR97 to Lostwave [link] [comments]
Introduction
Hi, recently me and a few other members discovered a mysterious song with a low quality on a Russians forum called Tunnel.ru. We've started to investigate, but found almost no leads (the leads were not very significant). We're still looking for this song, but I think we're gonna need bigger help for this.Story
First Post
On this Tunnel.ru site, there is a section where you can discuss music and ask about names of unidentified songs. (I guess it's sort of a Russian version of WatZatSong?)Back in June 2011, a Tunnel.ru user called EDWARD created a post where he uploaded several snippets and was asking about the names of these songs. Some of them have been found, but the majority of them are still unknown. Almost all of these samples have high quality, except one. The so called Love Me Now snippet. This one, unlike the other samples, has poor quality and it seems like it has been recorded from a radio station. Despite this, most of the lyrics are intelligible, and the song is actually catchy, so this song definitely caught our attention. This was the first time he posted about this song.
Second Post
One year later, on August 20th 2012, EDWARD asked about this song again, along with a few other unknown tracks. Some of these tracks have been identified, but Love Me Now still remained unsolved. Also, this was the post a WatZatSong user called Weatherapp discovered, and until now, the sample's original date was believed to be August 20th 2012. Until me and HYDRA_OX (another major person involved in the search) discovered that earlier post made in June 3rd 2011.Third Post
In September 9th 2013, EDWARD asked about this song once more. He also posted other unidentified tracks, again. Some of them have been named again, but they still didn't have any luck with Love Me Now. Or did they?This is where the story takes a strange turn. EDWARD had a conversation with another user called OM68. They were discussing the songs under this post, including Love Me Now. Very strangely, EDWARD thanked him for finding this song? Apparently, EDWARD named the title of the song as "Candyman", and said he thought this song was called Love Me Now.
There are multiple problems with this comment. First, this site is in Russian, so the translation is not clear. Second, if he claimed he indeed found this song, why didn't he post it? Or is the original comment made by OM68 deleted? Or did they discuss it in private messages? This raises the mystery of this Lostwave case...
OM68 also claimed if that the lyrics would be posted somewhere, he would have found the song earlier. (According to the not 100% correct translation.) EDWARD also said that he heard this in a better quality, and now he can hear "Call Me Now". But if he have heard the higher quality song, why didn't he post it or at least name the song?
Edward's Disappearance
After this third post, he didn't made any posts mentioning Love Me Now. He was a very active user on this site, but he hasn't visited the site since August 2023. This is a problem, because according to the translated post, he might have found the song.Weatherapp's WTZ Post
Weatherapp re-discovered this sample in 25th October 2023, and posted it to WatZatSong.https://www.watzatsong.com/en/name-that-tune/786801.html
Anon0122's YouTube upload
Anon0122 discovered the sample on WatZatSong and decided to post it to YouTube on March 14th 2024. This upload caught the attention of several people, including HYDRA_OX, Psycho and me.Later, a channel for this song has been made on Lostwave Discord server on April 2nd 2024, and the search is still going on ever since.
https://youtu.be/gaWU5Sajdqg
The Search
We've tried the usual ways of finding the song first. Searching for it via Discogs, searching for it on YouTube with the "before:2012" keyword, with the possible titles such as "Love Me Now", "Call Me Now", "You Took My Heart", "Begging For Your Love", "Have To Say Goodbye". However, there were simply no matches with this mysterious sample.HYDRA_OX was able to identify the cowbell instrument from the beginning. It's from a Roland TR-808. Which was made back in 1980-1983, so it didn't help guess the timeline of the song sadly (as the song doesn't sound like it's from the 80's.)
There was another rumour about this song being an Udo Kier track, just like in a solved case before. (https://youtu.be/XuwdvK-TS58) But this male vocalist/rapper doesn't like Udo Kier at all, so this theory has been debunked quickly.
HYDRA_OX also discovered a site called rao.ru which is a database for licensed songs in Russia. We've tried to search for this song there, with no results again sadly.
After the discovery of the third post, we were glad because Edward himself said that this song is called "Candyman". So we've started to look for this song again with high hopes. Unfortunately...we still couldn't find anything. Tried to search it on Discogs, YouTube, rao.ru, Rate Your Music and other sites...with no matches at all.
Meanwhile, Weatherapp silently left the Discord server and hasn't shown any activity since the beginning of April this year. So an another mystery occured in this case.
Conclusion
Since we have difficulties with finding this song, we are calling for your help to find this very mysterious track posted back on June 2011, with no leads at all.2024.06.02 01:45 ExaminationSalt926 I dont have monthly missions but im premium
 | Why i dont have monthly mission and im premium ? submitted by ExaminationSalt926 to FACEITcom [link] [comments] faceit id : splash143 https://www.faceit.com/ru/players/splash143 https://preview.redd.it/wzzl8hwir14d1.png?width=1918&format=png&auto=webp&s=3fe3ca953d2fc53d461198c2603e6568d9fcf942 |
2024.06.02 01:34 CS2_PostMatchThreads 9z vs G2 / IEM Dallas 2024 - Semi-Final / Post-Match Discussion
9z 🌎 0-2 🇪🇺 G2
Inferno: 11-13 Dust2: 8-13Map picks:
| 9z | MAP | G2 |
|---|---|---|
| Ancient | X | |
| X | Vertigo | |
| Inferno | ✔ | |
| ✔ | Dust2 | |
| Anubis | X | |
| X | Mirage | |
| Nuke |
Full Match Stats:
| Team | K-D | ADR | KAST | Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 🌎 9z | ||||
| 🇨🇱 HUASOPEEK | 35-29 | 78.2 | 68.9% | 1.18 |
| 🇺🇾 dgt | 32-30 | 84.3 | 73.3% | 1.13 |
| 🇪🇸 MartinezSa | 28-30 | 73.4 | 68.9% | 1.00 |
| 🇦🇷 buda | 24-32 | 59.0 | 66.7% | 0.91 |
| 🇺🇾 max | 15-30 | 37.3 | 66.7% | 0.64 |
| 🇪🇺 G2 | ||||
| 🇧🇦 NiKo | 40-25 | 85.0 | 75.6% | 1.39 |
| 🇷🇺 m0NESY | 34-26 | 79.8 | 75.6% | 1.23 |
| 🇧🇦 huNter- | 29-25 | 77.2 | 77.8% | 1.16 |
| 🇷🇸 nexa | 26-27 | 61.3 | 66.7% | 0.96 |
| 🇺🇸 Stewie2K | 22-31 | 67.2 | 71.1% | 0.88 |
Individual Map Stats:
Map 1: Inferno
| Team | CT | T | Total |
|---|---|---|---|
| 🌎 9z | 6 | 5 | 11 |
| T | CT | ||
| 🇪🇺 G2 | 6 | 7 | 13 |
| Team | K-D | ADR | KAST | Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 🌎 9z | ||||
| 🇨🇱 HUASOPEEK | 22-16 | 84.8 | 70.8% | 1.31 |
| 🇦🇷 buda | 17-15 | 74.8 | 83.3% | 1.25 |
| 🇺🇾 dgt | 15-15 | 70.6 | 70.8% | 1.04 |
| 🇪🇸 MartinezSa | 14-15 | 73.8 | 70.8% | 0.98 |
| 🇺🇾 max | 8-14 | 46.5 | 79.2% | 0.80 |
| 🇪🇺 G2 | ||||
| 🇧🇦 NiKo | 25-15 | 97.5 | 70.8% | 1.53 |
| 🇷🇺 m0NESY | 17-14 | 71.3 | 75.0% | 1.13 |
| 🇧🇦 huNter- | 10-16 | 62.8 | 70.8% | 0.89 |
| 🇺🇸 Stewie2K | 11-17 | 68.1 | 66.7% | 0.83 |
| 🇷🇸 nexa | 12-14 | 57.8 | 62.5% | 0.82 |
Inferno detailed stats and VOD
Map 2: Dust2
| Team | CT | T | Total |
|---|---|---|---|
| 🌎 9z | 6 | 2 | 8 |
| T | CT | ||
| 🇪🇺 G2 | 6 | 7 | 13 |
| Team | K-D | ADR | KAST | Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 🌎 9z | ||||
| 🇺🇾 dgt | 17-15 | 100.0 | 76.2% | 1.23 |
| 🇪🇸 MartinezSa | 14-15 | 72.9 | 66.7% | 1.06 |
| 🇨🇱 HUASOPEEK | 13-13 | 70.7 | 66.7% | 1.04 |
| 🇦🇷 buda | 7-17 | 40.9 | 47.6% | 0.57 |
| 🇺🇾 max | 7-16 | 26.8 | 52.4% | 0.48 |
| 🇪🇺 G2 | ||||
| 🇧🇦 huNter- | 19-9 | 93.6 | 85.7% | 1.48 |
| 🇷🇺 m0NESY | 17-12 | 89.5 | 76.2% | 1.35 |
| 🇧🇦 NiKo | 15-10 | 70.7 | 81.0% | 1.26 |
| 🇷🇸 nexa | 14-13 | 65.3 | 71.4% | 1.12 |
| 🇺🇸 Stewie2K | 11-14 | 66.3 | 76.2% | 0.95 |
Dust2 detailed stats and VOD
Highlights
M1R6 NiKo's 1vs3 clutch attempt is just one AK burst through smoke away from being successful
M1R12 NiKo has his vision obstructed, yet kills everything on Mid through smoke at all ranges
M1R13 m0NESY - 4 devastating USP-S HS kills on the bombsite B defense
M1R19 nexa gets rightfully annoyed by the inefficiency of the "How to become a Phoenix bird" instructions he found on the Internet
M1R22 NiKo stops 9z's bombsite B offensive dead in its tracks with 4 quick AK kills
M1R24 NiKo and nexa shut down the bombsite A offensive to secure the map victory for G2
M2R5 m0NESY - 3 kills on the bombsite A defense
M2R8 HUASOPEEK - 1vs2 clutch to stop the bomb defuse in the final fractions of a second
M2R11 huNter- - 4 AK kills on the advanced Mid defense
M2R16 MartinezSa connects an outlandish no scope Scout HS on huNter-
M2R18 HUASOPEEK's 1vs3 clutch attempt is denied by m0NESY's flank in the final duel
This thread was created by the Post-Match Team. If you want to share any feedback or have any concerns, please message u/CS2_PostMatchThreads.
2024.06.02 01:00 czechtheboxes Looking for a Post? Ask Here! - June 2024 Edition
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submitted by czechtheboxes to BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]
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2024.06.02 00:42 Boostaroo [SELLING] 🦘 Boostaroo 🦘 🌎 NA - EU - OCE 🌎 Solo - Duo ❤️ Loyalty Program ❤️ EST. 2017
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submitted by Boostaroo to Lolboosting [link] [comments]
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2024.06.02 00:21 Top_Lime1820 South African Democracy Must Prevail Again
In this post, I want to outline what the next week or two could entail - positive and negative - for South Africa. I also want to give a bit of context on some of what will happen and how it should be interpreted.
South Africa is a young, vibrant, healthy democracy.
Our institutions were designed brilliantly (by copying prior work, thanks for that guys), that if you observe it carefully, you can see the democracy working itself out logically:
Lastly, despite what all the naysayers have been saying for 30 years, and with the notable exception of the failure to arrest Omar al-Bashir on ICC charges, the South Africa state as a whole has never just blatantly ignored procedures and laws. Slow-walking, yes. Loopholes - like hell yes. But we disinvited Putin to South Africa because we couldn't find a way out of it. We've arrested a former President and the Speaker had to resign to face corruption charges. We're not Zimbabwe, despite what people think.
Instead, what is actually happening is we have been paying the price for our democracy.
I have spent the last year exploring the last 30 years of our democratic history. And one thing I have consistently found is that many of South Africa's problems could've been avoided if key actors abrogated to themselves rights and powers beyond what the Constitution provides:
We are compared unfavourably against countries which, very often, did not actually develop in a liberal democratic way. They took the authoritarian shortcut / benevolent dictator and liberals just like the fact that it worked out 3 or 4 times in countries like Singapore and South Korea.
This might be a bit whiny/self-pitying, but I have started to feel as if we are being judged for actually trying to write the exam and failing sometimes whilst being compared to people who never really even registered to write it. Or, in the case of Western democracies, who also failed miserably in the past but whose failures are forgotten or ignored. And in the case of the United States, I must admit it is extremely discouraging to see the double standard from liberal voices that emerges from almost perfectly parallel situations. Trump is a "test" of "the American idea" which "though bent, proved itself to be secure" and "something we can recover from" because "democracy is an experiment" and "the price of freedom is eternal vigilance" but "we shall overcome". But South Africa is a basket case any time something goes wrong. People remember the horrific unrest of the 2021 unrest but leave out the part where we arrested a former head of state which is what a precipitated it.
Lastly, it is somewhat discouraging when people are unable to notice what doesn't happen. Nobody notices that the money printers aren't starting up and the opposition isn't in jail and most ethnic groups haven't formed ethnic parties and Putin didn't come in the end and we're still in the ICC and ICJ system and white South Africans still have not been ethnically cleansed even though the internet seems to think it happened 10 years ago and on and on... There's a list of doomer takes that began the minute Mandela was released and most of them haven't come true - but nobody seems to even keep track that people have been wrong for 30 years. After 30 years of being wrong, maybe they'll be right this time. Sure. But you don't get to be smug and say "I knew it" when you were wrong for 30 years.
While many of my fellow South Africans practise the bizarre South African exceptionalism of believing only we struggle with corruption, incompetence and bigotry, I have lately come to understand that this is what democracy looks like. At least at first. Just wait until we start to get the returns on the messiness that comes with freedom, diversity and a commitment to a modest humanistic project.
So, all this is to say something very simply. If shit doesn't hit the fan and a new President is elected democratically, please notice that we actually did it. Please don't shift the goalposts yet again.
But if things do go south, then you need to back us. I have been frightened of the prospect that there is a challenge to the democratic transfer of power, and the democratic world steps back just because they don't like the incumbents because of this or that disagreement. But the ANC, for all its failures, remains a party which in its original incarnation was not only 'Western', but, in particular, it is a direct descendent of the great democratic tradition of the African American population.
American Heritage
This history has been lost to common memory, but it is waiting for you in the history books. African Americans from Booker T. Washington to Martin Luther King Jr. were a real and influential force within the genesis of the early ANC. It's not that the ANC founders simply read their works. No. The "Man Who Founded the ANC" graduated from Columbia and befriended Alaine Locke, the gay father of the Harlem Renaissance. His co-founders were all enthralled by the gigantic influence of Booker T. Washington, and attempted to replicate his Tuskegee Institute in KZN. The man who first reformed the ANC from a period of stagnation studied at Tuskegee and Northwestern, and, not only that, but married an American woman named Madie Hall. And Luthuli and King were mutual admirers. Mandela inspired Obama into politics, Mandela gave him his blessing when he became a senator, and just a few short years later Obama eulogized Mandela in the way that only Obama could.
The corruption of the ANC is the corruption of one of the proudest and most beautiful heritages not just of Black liberals, but of anybody who believes in liberal democracy. It should not be dismissed. It should hurt deeply. But that heritage can outlive the ANC in the South African Constitution. This same Constitution has finally come under direct and explicit assault.
Global Heritage
This is your heritage. South Africa is like a garden of so many of the great ideas of global liberal democracy. It was the fertile soil in which the seed of Gandhi's Satyagraha first germinated. Through the liberal Helen Suzman and the radical Bram Fischer, it is the inheritor of the proud Jewish tradition of advocating for human rights. Scottish, German and American missionaries educated the broader black intellectual class beyond the ANC. English-speaking settlers, for all their sins, introduced abolition and one of the world's first explicitly non-racial Constitution here in the 1850s. It was a flawed Afrikaner hero and genius who founded the League of Nations, and launched the project of building an international system to regulate global affairs. And all these united together under the leadership of Mandela and Tutu, infused deeply with native African philosophical ideas of Ubuntu, to bring to end a terrible conflict with minimal bloodshed, and through truth and reconciliation.
I've slipped into full on South African exceptionalism now. But I don't care because either I'll be proven right in two weeks or I'll be proven wrong, and I want to enjoy these ideals while I still can. Because in the world that would come after, I'll have much bigger things to worry about.
I don't mean to alarm anybody, but even if the next two weeks go by without a hitch, that will only be a testament to an enormous amount of behind the scenes work to prevent catastrophe. Democracy is not free. None of us can be so foolish as to miss the moment that South Africa is in. Transitions like this are never unchallenged, not with all that's at stake for those who lose once the full might of the Constitutional order finally kicks in.
The idea that "Nothing ever happens" has been thoroughly defeated at the ballot box. It's over. There's no going back. The results of the election mean that there is no political coalition for 'managed decline' any more. It's up or out.
I want to end this with a link to one of the most beautiful speeches ever delivered by a South African orator. If you only have a few minutes, then you can watched the abridged version set to patriotic music. But consider the historical moment that we're in. Maybe it's worth it taking 45 minutes to play the full version of the speech in the background. The speech is I Am An African by Thabo Mbeki, delivered at the signing of the Constitution in 1996.
submitted by Top_Lime1820 to neoliberal [link] [comments]
Next Steps
How exactly will the new President be elected?- The Independent Electoral Commission is set to release the official results tomorrow
- This kicks off a Constitutionally mandated timer - the Chief Justice must announce when the first sitting of Parliament must happen; but no later than two weeks after tomorrow
- At the first sitting of Parliament, all MPs can nominate someone from amongst their peers to be President (really should be called a Prime Minister)
- They vote on a secret ballot, whoever gets the fewest votes drops out and they vote again until someone gets a majority of votes in the National Assembly (50% + 1)
- The Chief Justice presides over this process and then announces the results
- Possibly, but there will probably be some trouble
- The ANC is making the right noises about democracy and respect for the IEC - which is positive
- Many smaller opposition parties, especially in the Western Cape, are accusing the IEC of vote rigging in favour of the DA/ANC
- EFF have not said anything to my knowledge
- There are genuine issues with how the election was conducted. Even the DA is taking the IEC to court. But our local analyst here says that it was more of a screw up, and certainly not rigging or anything like that
- MK - which is the party which won the most from this process - have announced that they want a total re-do of the elections and have said that the IEC must not release results by tomorrow or 'there could be trouble'
South Africa is a young, vibrant, healthy democracy.
Our institutions were designed brilliantly (by copying prior work, thanks for that guys), that if you observe it carefully, you can see the democracy working itself out logically:
- The IEC don't really have a choice when to announce the results - they've committed to June 2nd publicly.
- Because we have a free media and the results were declared live with statistical projections, we can know that the results actually were highly unlikely to be tampered with.
- Once that happens, a different institution takes over - the Chief Justice. There's an uncertainty element - they have up to two weeks but they could announce the Presidential election for Thursday. At the latest, it'll happen on June 16th, Youth Day - the anniversary of the day that Hector Pieterson was killed in Soweto for standing up to Apartheid.
- Because power is spread out geographically, there is not a single point of attack to shut down proceedings. The IEC's operational center is in Johannesburg North. The Chief Justice is in Johannesburg South. Parliament, where the Election will take place is in Cape Town. And the seat of the executive government is in Pretoria.
- The work is broken down into specific roles and distributed to different actors. Independent courts can and will punish anybody who drops the potato. A former President has been arrested before. The precedent is set. Nobody is safe, especially now that nobody has a majority.
Lastly, despite what all the naysayers have been saying for 30 years, and with the notable exception of the failure to arrest Omar al-Bashir on ICC charges, the South Africa state as a whole has never just blatantly ignored procedures and laws. Slow-walking, yes. Loopholes - like hell yes. But we disinvited Putin to South Africa because we couldn't find a way out of it. We've arrested a former President and the Speaker had to resign to face corruption charges. We're not Zimbabwe, despite what people think.
Instead, what is actually happening is we have been paying the price for our democracy.
I have spent the last year exploring the last 30 years of our democratic history. And one thing I have consistently found is that many of South Africa's problems could've been avoided if key actors abrogated to themselves rights and powers beyond what the Constitution provides:
- Mandela did not seek a second term because he "dared not linger". He more or less withdrew from politics to prevent "Big Man" syndrome from taking root.
- President Mbeki fired Jacob Zuma when he was merely alleged to have committed corruption - putting Zuma's back against the wall.
- Judge Nicholson threw out Zuma's initial charges because he sincerely believed there was interference, rather than 'look the other way' because Zuma was 'obviously' guilty (innocent until proven guilty)
- The head of the Scorpions (anti-corruption unit started by Mbeki) refused to allow President Mbeki to delay the arrest of the allegedly corrupt head of the police because he sincerely felt it would be a betrayal of his duty whilst Mbeki had a credible cause for concern of a war within the law enforcement community - it was a genuine debate, not some banana republic hatch job
- Once Zuma was democratically elected President of the ANC, and the ANC democratically called back Mbeki, he resigned, rather than declare an emergency and do the whole 3rd term benevolent dictator thing
- People like the DA leadership and Thuli Madonsela (the Public Protector Zuma himself appointed) spent a decade fighting to get Zuma to face the music on corruption - and in the end the Ramaphosa faction pushed him out
- When Zuma defied the State Capture investigations, he was arrested even for something as 'mere' as contempt of court - and the police station carried out their duties as they would for anyone else. It cost us lives.
- Zuma did manage to dodge time, but he only did it through abuse of genuine provisions in the system for medical parole and through a loophole that the ANC found to prevent further violence
- Zuma has avoided his original corruption charges for years through multiple appeals - an abuse but a legitimate exercise of his democratic rights; the man has not been proven guilty in a court of law and we have to get him the right way
- Zuma was allowed to start his party in line with his democratic rights, when in other countries Ramaphosa would've just thrown him in jail - but the IEC stood up to Zuma and fought all the way to the Constitutional Court to prevent him from sitting as an MP (which would've allowed him to potentially be nominated for the Presidency) because of his criminal record - the arrest worked out even if he only did a month or two.
- This year, Zuma destroyed the ANC at the ballot box. Not the way many of us wanted the fall of the ANC to happen, but it is the will of millions of Zuma's supporters who are citizens of South Africa. It must be respected even if it inconvenient to acknowledge. And it will be respected - just not any more than the democratic rights of anyone else.
This Is What Democracy Looks Like
I've come to feel that many people who call themselves liberals don't really understand this.We are compared unfavourably against countries which, very often, did not actually develop in a liberal democratic way. They took the authoritarian shortcut / benevolent dictator and liberals just like the fact that it worked out 3 or 4 times in countries like Singapore and South Korea.
This might be a bit whiny/self-pitying, but I have started to feel as if we are being judged for actually trying to write the exam and failing sometimes whilst being compared to people who never really even registered to write it. Or, in the case of Western democracies, who also failed miserably in the past but whose failures are forgotten or ignored. And in the case of the United States, I must admit it is extremely discouraging to see the double standard from liberal voices that emerges from almost perfectly parallel situations. Trump is a "test" of "the American idea" which "though bent, proved itself to be secure" and "something we can recover from" because "democracy is an experiment" and "the price of freedom is eternal vigilance" but "we shall overcome". But South Africa is a basket case any time something goes wrong. People remember the horrific unrest of the 2021 unrest but leave out the part where we arrested a former head of state which is what a precipitated it.
Lastly, it is somewhat discouraging when people are unable to notice what doesn't happen. Nobody notices that the money printers aren't starting up and the opposition isn't in jail and most ethnic groups haven't formed ethnic parties and Putin didn't come in the end and we're still in the ICC and ICJ system and white South Africans still have not been ethnically cleansed even though the internet seems to think it happened 10 years ago and on and on... There's a list of doomer takes that began the minute Mandela was released and most of them haven't come true - but nobody seems to even keep track that people have been wrong for 30 years. After 30 years of being wrong, maybe they'll be right this time. Sure. But you don't get to be smug and say "I knew it" when you were wrong for 30 years.
While many of my fellow South Africans practise the bizarre South African exceptionalism of believing only we struggle with corruption, incompetence and bigotry, I have lately come to understand that this is what democracy looks like. At least at first. Just wait until we start to get the returns on the messiness that comes with freedom, diversity and a commitment to a modest humanistic project.
Why South Africa Should Matter to You
As I outlined in my piece, The South Africa Fallacy, it is deeply misguided to watch South Africa try and fail to execute the principles you advocate for the whole world and somehow feel as if our failure doesn't implicate you or cast real aspersions on your ideas. We are a diverse, open, tolerant, deeply liberal society and our aspirations to that liberal democracy is the source of our problems. MK's political theory - above and beyond supporting Jacob Zuma - is precisely that our Constitutional Democracy doesn't work.So, all this is to say something very simply. If shit doesn't hit the fan and a new President is elected democratically, please notice that we actually did it. Please don't shift the goalposts yet again.
But if things do go south, then you need to back us. I have been frightened of the prospect that there is a challenge to the democratic transfer of power, and the democratic world steps back just because they don't like the incumbents because of this or that disagreement. But the ANC, for all its failures, remains a party which in its original incarnation was not only 'Western', but, in particular, it is a direct descendent of the great democratic tradition of the African American population.
American Heritage
This history has been lost to common memory, but it is waiting for you in the history books. African Americans from Booker T. Washington to Martin Luther King Jr. were a real and influential force within the genesis of the early ANC. It's not that the ANC founders simply read their works. No. The "Man Who Founded the ANC" graduated from Columbia and befriended Alaine Locke, the gay father of the Harlem Renaissance. His co-founders were all enthralled by the gigantic influence of Booker T. Washington, and attempted to replicate his Tuskegee Institute in KZN. The man who first reformed the ANC from a period of stagnation studied at Tuskegee and Northwestern, and, not only that, but married an American woman named Madie Hall. And Luthuli and King were mutual admirers. Mandela inspired Obama into politics, Mandela gave him his blessing when he became a senator, and just a few short years later Obama eulogized Mandela in the way that only Obama could.
The corruption of the ANC is the corruption of one of the proudest and most beautiful heritages not just of Black liberals, but of anybody who believes in liberal democracy. It should not be dismissed. It should hurt deeply. But that heritage can outlive the ANC in the South African Constitution. This same Constitution has finally come under direct and explicit assault.
Global Heritage
This is your heritage. South Africa is like a garden of so many of the great ideas of global liberal democracy. It was the fertile soil in which the seed of Gandhi's Satyagraha first germinated. Through the liberal Helen Suzman and the radical Bram Fischer, it is the inheritor of the proud Jewish tradition of advocating for human rights. Scottish, German and American missionaries educated the broader black intellectual class beyond the ANC. English-speaking settlers, for all their sins, introduced abolition and one of the world's first explicitly non-racial Constitution here in the 1850s. It was a flawed Afrikaner hero and genius who founded the League of Nations, and launched the project of building an international system to regulate global affairs. And all these united together under the leadership of Mandela and Tutu, infused deeply with native African philosophical ideas of Ubuntu, to bring to end a terrible conflict with minimal bloodshed, and through truth and reconciliation.
I've slipped into full on South African exceptionalism now. But I don't care because either I'll be proven right in two weeks or I'll be proven wrong, and I want to enjoy these ideals while I still can. Because in the world that would come after, I'll have much bigger things to worry about.
I don't mean to alarm anybody, but even if the next two weeks go by without a hitch, that will only be a testament to an enormous amount of behind the scenes work to prevent catastrophe. Democracy is not free. None of us can be so foolish as to miss the moment that South Africa is in. Transitions like this are never unchallenged, not with all that's at stake for those who lose once the full might of the Constitutional order finally kicks in.
The idea that "Nothing ever happens" has been thoroughly defeated at the ballot box. It's over. There's no going back. The results of the election mean that there is no political coalition for 'managed decline' any more. It's up or out.
I want to end this with a link to one of the most beautiful speeches ever delivered by a South African orator. If you only have a few minutes, then you can watched the abridged version set to patriotic music. But consider the historical moment that we're in. Maybe it's worth it taking 45 minutes to play the full version of the speech in the background. The speech is I Am An African by Thabo Mbeki, delivered at the signing of the Constitution in 1996.
2024.06.01 22:05 CS2_PostMatchThreads Spirit vs Vitality / IEM Dallas 2024 - Semi-Final / Post-Match Discussion
Spirit 🇷🇺 0-2 🇪🇺 Vitality
Dust2: 6-13 Mirage: 11-13Map picks:
| Spirit | MAP | Vitality |
|---|---|---|
| Ancient | X | |
| X | Inferno | |
| Dust2 | ✔ | |
| ✔ | Mirage | |
| Nuke | X | |
| X | Vertigo | |
| Anubis |
Full Match Stats:
| Team | K-D | ADR | KAST | Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 🇷🇺 Spirit | ||||
| 🇷🇺 sh1ro | 37-31 | 86.7 | 81.4% | 1.20 |
| 🇷🇺 magixx | 27-30 | 65.4 | 79.1% | 1.01 |
| 🇺🇦 zont1x | 26-28 | 69.7 | 76.7% | 0.97 |
| 🇷🇺 donk | 26-34 | 80.0 | 67.4% | 0.89 |
| 🇷🇺 chopper | 19-32 | 59.5 | 69.8% | 0.78 |
| 🇪🇺 Vitality | ||||
| 🇫🇷 ZywOo | 44-24 | 95.2 | 79.1% | 1.55 |
| 🇬🇧 mezii | 36-31 | 87.7 | 81.4% | 1.30 |
| 🇮🇱 Spinx | 35-27 | 84.2 | 79.1% | 1.24 |
| 🇮🇱 flameZ | 23-29 | 70.4 | 83.7% | 1.09 |
| 🇫🇷 apEX | 16-25 | 48.6 | 76.7% | 0.90 |
Individual Map Stats:
Map 1: Dust2
| Team | CT | T | Total |
|---|---|---|---|
| 🇷🇺 Spirit | 5 | 1 | 6 |
| T | CT | ||
| 🇪🇺 Vitality | 7 | 6 | 13 |
| Team | K-D | ADR | KAST | Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 🇷🇺 Spirit | ||||
| 🇷🇺 sh1ro | 13-11 | 70.1 | 78.9% | 1.05 |
| 🇷🇺 chopper | 10-13 | 76.2 | 84.2% | 1.03 |
| 🇷🇺 magixx | 15-14 | 67.5 | 89.5% | 1.02 |
| 🇷🇺 donk | 8-14 | 67.9 | 63.2% | 0.76 |
| 🇺🇦 zont1x | 6-12 | 59.6 | 63.2% | 0.68 |
| 🇪🇺 Vitality | ||||
| 🇫🇷 ZywOo | 22-10 | 101.2 | 78.9% | 1.71 |
| 🇮🇱 flameZ | 11-11 | 65.9 | 89.5% | 1.28 |
| 🇮🇱 Spinx | 12-10 | 77.2 | 73.7% | 1.14 |
| 🇫🇷 apEX | 10-9 | 65.2 | 68.4% | 1.04 |
| 🇬🇧 mezii | 9-13 | 61.0 | 84.2% | 0.99 |
Dust2 detailed stats and VOD
Map 2: Mirage
| Team | CT | T | Total |
|---|---|---|---|
| 🇷🇺 Spirit | 6 | 5 | 11 |
| T | CT | ||
| 🇪🇺 Vitality | 6 | 7 | 13 |
| Team | K-D | ADR | KAST | Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 🇷🇺 Spirit | ||||
| 🇷🇺 sh1ro | 24-20 | 99.8 | 83.3% | 1.33 |
| 🇺🇦 zont1x | 20-16 | 77.7 | 87.5% | 1.21 |
| 🇷🇺 donk | 18-20 | 89.6 | 70.8% | 1.01 |
| 🇷🇺 magixx | 12-16 | 63.8 | 70.8% | 1.00 |
| 🇷🇺 chopper | 9-19 | 46.2 | 58.3% | 0.61 |
| 🇪🇺 Vitality | ||||
| 🇬🇧 mezii | 27-18 | 108.8 | 79.2% | 1.57 |
| 🇫🇷 ZywOo | 22-14 | 90.5 | 79.2% | 1.46 |
| 🇮🇱 Spinx | 23-17 | 89.8 | 83.3% | 1.32 |
| 🇮🇱 flameZ | 12-18 | 74.0 | 79.2% | 0.96 |
| 🇫🇷 apEX | 6-16 | 35.5 | 83.3% | 0.80 |
Mirage detailed stats and VOD
Highlights
M1R13 ZywOo does it all on the bombsite B retake , however he is unable to overcome his final challenge, a dwindling bomb timer
M1R13 ZywOo does it all on the bombsite B retake , however he is unable to overcome his final challenge, a dwindling bomb timer
M1R15 donk fails to connect his TEC9 shots onto an unsuspecting Spinx and quickly tests the sturdiness of his setup with a well executed slap in the designated area
M2R3 mezii - stormy ACE
M2R19 Spinx's 1vs4 clutch attempt is denied by the final CT
This thread was created by the Post-Match Team. If you want to share any feedback or have any concerns, please message u/CS2_PostMatchThreads.
2024.06.01 21:21 ErdrickLoto A list of every Best of the Worst, re:View, and Len Kabasinski movie available free to watch on Tubi
Newly updated with recent arrivals including The Deadliest Prey, Hands of Steel, RepliGATOR, Near Dark, Skate or Die Scary or Die, Predator, and the Milwaukee Culkin-endorsed The Last Dragon.
A few notes, to clarify things that confused people on prior occasions: All movies from Best of the Worst and re:View are listed alongside the episode that they were covered in on RedLetterMedia's YouTube channel. If the movie is on Tubi, it's linked; if the movie is not on Tubi, it's not linked and the name is just there as a placeholder. Sometimes that link will take you to a page that says "Content unavailable," which means that Tubi's rights to the movie have lapsed; however, they cycle through those fairly often and they'll probably get those rights again in the future, so check back down the line.
Best of the Worst
submitted by ErdrickLoto to RedLetterMedia [link] [comments]
A few notes, to clarify things that confused people on prior occasions: All movies from Best of the Worst and re:View are listed alongside the episode that they were covered in on RedLetterMedia's YouTube channel. If the movie is on Tubi, it's linked; if the movie is not on Tubi, it's not linked and the name is just there as a placeholder. Sometimes that link will take you to a page that says "Content unavailable," which means that Tubi's rights to the movie have lapsed; however, they cycle through those fairly often and they'll probably get those rights again in the future, so check back down the line.
Best of the Worst
- Best of the Worst Episode 1: Russian Terminator, Ninja Vengeance, Never Too Young to Die
- Best of the Worst: The New Gladiators, Exterminator 2, and Aftermath: New Gladiators, Exterminator 2, Aftermath
- Best of the Worst Episode 3: The Killer Eye, They Bite, and Xtro: The Killer Eye, They Bite, Xtro
- Best of the Worst: Deadly Prey, Hard Ticket to Hawaii, and Miami Connection: Deadly Prey, Hard Ticket to Hawaii, Miami Connection
- Best of the Worst: The Vindicator, Cyber Tracker, Robot Jox, and R.O.T.O.R.: The Vindicator, Cyber Tracker, Robot Jox, R.O.T.O.R.
- Best of the Worst: Playing Dangerous, Shapeshifter, and Thunderpants: Playing Dangerous, Shapeshifter, Thunderpants
- Best of the Worst: V-World Matrix, The Amazing Bulk, and ????: V-World Matrix, The Amazing Bulk, Gymkata
- Best of the Worst: Bloody Birthday, Crazy Fat Ethel II, and Psycho From Texas: Bloody Birthday, Crazy Fat Ethel II, Psycho From Texas
- Best of the Worst: Night Beast, Trick or Treat, and Skull Forest: Night Beast, Trick or Treat, Skull Forest
- Best of the Worst Extras: Shark Movies: Hobgoblins 2, Sharknado (original not available, RiffTrax version), Sharktopus
- Best of the Worst: Playing Dangerous 2, The Exterminator, and The Deadliest Prey: Playing Dangerous 2, The Exterminator, The Deadliest Prey
- Best of the Worst: Elves, Santa Claus, and Christmas Vacation 2: Elves, Santa Claus, Christmas Vacation 2
- Best of the Worst: Robo-C.H.I.C., Alien Seed, and Yor: The Hunter from the Future: Robo-C.H.I.C., Alien Seed, Yor: The Hunter from the Future (original not available, RiffTrax version)
- Best of the Worst: Supergirl, Captain America (1990), and Roger Corman's Fantastic Four: Supergirl, Captain America, Fantastic Four
- Best of the Worst: Direct-to-Video Horror: The Ice Cream Man, Recoil, Dracula 3000
- Best of the Worst: Ninja Movies: Ninja III: The Domination, Ninja Warriors, For Hire
- Best of the Worst: Ghetto Blaster, Terror in Beverly Hills, and Killing American Style: Ghetto Blaster, Terror in Beverly Hills, Killing American Style
- Best of the Worst: High Voltage, Death Spa, and Space Mutiny: High Voltage, Death Spa, Space Mutiny
- Best of the Worst: Shakma, Python II, and Beaks: The Movie: Shakma, Python II, Beaks
- Best of the Worst: Theodore Rex, Carnosaur, Tammy and the T-Rex: Theodore Rex, Carnosaur, Tammy and the T-Rex
- Best of the Worst: The Item, The Crawlers, and Blood Lock: The Item, The Crawlers, Blood Lock
- Best of the Worst: The Star Wars Holiday Special: The Star Wars Holiday Special
- Best of the Worst: Alienator, Alien from the Deep, and Hands of Steel: Alienator, Alien from the Deep, Hands of Steel
- Best of the Worst: Blood Debts, The Tomb, and Undefeatable: Blood Debts, The Tomb, Undefeatable
- Best of the Worst: Lady Terminator, Lost in Dinosaur World, and Low Blow: Lady Terminator, Lost in Dinosaur World, Low Blow
- Best of the Worst: Future War, The Jar, and White Fire: Future War (original not available, MST3K version), The Jar, White Fire
- Best of the Worst: Kiss Meets the Phantom of the Park, Killer Workout, and Mystics in Bali: Kiss Meets the Phantom of the Park, Killer Workout, Mystics in Bali
- Best of the Worst: The Photon Effect, How I Saved the President, and Double Down: The Photon Effect, How I Saved the President, Double Down
- Best of the Worst: A Very Cannon Christmas: Death Wish 3, The Christmas Tree, Invasion U.S.A.
- Best of the Worst: Order of the Black Eagle, Wired to Kill, and Raiders of Atlantis: Order of the Black Eagle, Wired to Kill, Raiders of Atlantis
- Best of the Worst: Plinketto #1: Double Dragon, Deathstalker, Doctor Butcher M.D., Kazaam
- Best of the Worst: Pocket Ninjas, Cyclone, and Dangerous Men: Steel, Pocket Ninjas, Cyclone, Dangerous Men
- Best of the Worst: Plinketto #2: Mutant Species, The Skateboard Kid, Repo Jake
- Best of the Worst: Parole Violators, Future Force, and Geteven: Parole Violators, Future Force, Geteven
- Best of the Worst: Scary or Die, Chopping Mall, Exorcist II: The Heretic: Scary or Die, Chopping Mall, Exorcist II: The Heretic
- Best of the Worst: RepliGATOR, Johnson Family Christmas Dinner, and Alligator: RepliGATOR, Johnson Family Christmas Dinner, The Legend of Gator Face, Alligator
- Best of the Worst: Episode 48: Plinketto #3: The Survivor, Keaton's Cop, Space Raiders
- Best of the Worst: Carnosaur 2, The Skateboard Kid 2, and Future Zone: Carnosaur 2, The Skateboard Kid 2, Future Zone (original not available, RiffTrax version)
- Best of the Worst: Biohazard, Slaughter High, and Kill Point: Biohazard, Slaughter High, Kill Point
- Best of the Worst: Bigfoot vs D.B. Cooper, Black Cougar, and Raw Force: Bigfoot vs D.B. Cooper, Black Cougar, Raw Force
- Best of the Worst: Hollywood Cop: Hollywood Cop
- Best of the Worst: The Sweeper, Empire of the Dark, and Mad Foxes: The Sweeper, Empire of the Dark, Mad Foxes
- Best of the Worst: The Last Vampire on Earth: The Last Vampire on Earth
- Best of the Worst: Plinketto #4: Turbulence 3: Heavy Metal, Little Bigfoot, Feeders
- Best of the Worst: Vampire Assassin, Hack-O-Lantern, and Cathy's Curse: Vampire Assassin, Hack-O-Lantern, Cathy's Curse
- Best of the Worst: Suburban Sasquatch: Suburban Sasquatch
- Best of the Worst: Merry Kick-mas!: Karate Cop, The Christmas Light, Night of the Kickfighters
- Best of the Worst: Plinketto #5: Nail Gun Massacre, Deathstalker II, Princess Warrior
- Best of the Worst: The Black Spine Edition: Partners
- Best of the Worst: Hologram Man, Faust, and Blood Street: Hologram Man, Faust, Blood Street
- Best of the Worst: Plinketto #6: Rocktober Blood, The Pit, Mankillers
- Best of the Worst: Kill Squad, Ryan's Babe, and Demonwarp: Kill Squad, Ryan's Babe, Demonwarp
- Night of the Lepus, Zombie 3, and Silk: Night of the Lepus, Zombie 3, Silk, Pass Thru
- Best of the Worst: Lycan Colony: Lycan Colony
- Best of the Worst: Carnivore, HauntedWeen, and Black Roses: Carnivore, HauntedWeen, Black Roses
- Best of the Worst: Plinketto #7: Prototype X29A, Quigley, Home Alone: Taking Back the House
- Best of the Worst: Christmas or Cats: Two Front Teeth, The Uninvited, Christy - Santa's First Female Reindeer
- Best of the Worst: Cybernator, Panther Squad, and Project Metalbeast: Cybernator, Panther Squad, Project Metal Beast
- Best of the Worst: Spookies, Action USA, and Alien Private Eye: Spookies, Action USA, Alien Private Eye
- Best of the Worst: Twister's Revenge: Twister's Revenge
- Best of the Worst: Hawk Jones, Winterbeast, and ROAR: Hawk Jones, Winterbeast, ROAR
- Best of the Worst: Plinketto #8: Demon Cop, Ratatoing, Alien Force, Game of Survival
- Best of the Worst: Petey Wheatstraw: Petey Wheatstraw
- Best of the Worst: The Instructor, Through Doohan's Eye, and Twisted Pair: The Instructor, Through Dead Eyes, Twisted Pair
- Best of the Worst: Jack-O, Rock n' Roll Nightmare, and Shark Exorcist: Jack-O, Rock n' Roll Nightmare, Shark Exorcist
- Best of the Worst: A Very Scary Christmas: Santa Claws, Iced, Silent Night, Deadly Night: Part 2
- Best of the Worst: Wicked World: Wicked World
- Best of the Worst: Showdown, Robot in the Family, and Bloodz vs. Wolvez: Showdown, Robot in the Family, Bloodz vs. Wolvez
- Best of the Worst: Bad Movie Scavenger Hunt: Her Name is Cat, Computer Beach Party, Mission: Killfast
- Best of the Worst: Diamond Cobra vs. The White Fox: Diamond Cobra vs The White Fox
- Best of the Worst: Twin Dragon Encounter, American Rickshaw, and Infested: Twin Dragon Encounter, American Rickshaw, Infested
- Best of the Worst: Shock Em Dead, Hollow Gate, and The Satan Killer: Shock'Em Dead, Hollow Gate, The Satan Killer
- Best of the Worst: Ben and Arthur: Ben and Arthur
- Best of the Worst: Plinketto #9: The Ice Cream Man, Spacejacked, The Dungeonmaster, The Suckling
- Best of the Worst: Blood Shack aka The Chooper: Blood Shack
- Best of the Worst: LA Wars, Unmasking the Idol, and Robowoman: L.A. Wars, Unmasking the Idol, Ankle Biters, Robowoman
- Best of the Worst: Wheel of the Black Spine Plinketto: Fateful Findings
- Best of the Worst: APE, Easy Kill, and Honorable Men: APE, Easy Kill, Honorable Men
- Best of the Worst: Dragon Hunt, Tartarus, and Born into Mafia: Dragon Hunt, Tartarus, Born into Mafia
- Best of the Worst: Halloween Spooktacular 2021: Primal Rage, Dorm of the Dead, Don't Panic
- Best of the Worst Spotlight: New York Ninja: New York Ninja
- Best of the Worst: Christmas 2021: Feeders 2: Slay Bells, William Wegman's Fay's Twelve Days of Christmas, Santa with Muscles
- Best of the Worst: Blindfold Picks!: The Incredible Melting Man, Starship, Lady Avenger
- Best of the Worst: Plinketto #10: 100 Million BC, Stone Cold, Bog
- Best of the Worst: Clash in the College: Clash in the College
- Best of the Worst: Bad Movie Scavenger Hunt Too: Silk 2, American Cyborg: Steel Warrior, Ultra Warrior, Blood Freak
- Best of the Worst: Halloween 2022: Demons at the Door, Evil Toons, Night Killer
- Best of the Worst: Cyborg and Arcade (Albert Pyun Double Feature): Cyborg, Arcade
- Best of the Worst: A Very Cannon Christmas II: Avenging Force, The Barbarians, Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo
- Best of the Worst Spotlight: After Last Season: After Last Season
- Best of the Worst: New Releases!: Mega Lightning, Fight of Fury, Birdemic 3: Sea Eagle
- Best of the Worst: Hawk the Slayer, Slaughter Day, The Kid with the X-Ray Eyes: Hawk the Slayer, Slaughter Day, The Kid with the X-Ray Eyes
- Best of the Worst: Back in Action vs. Enemy Territory: Back in Action, Enemy Territory
- Best of the Worst: Halloween 2023: Tim Ritter's Killing Spree, Night of the Demon, Vampire Riderz
- Best of the Worst Spotlight: Wish Upon: Wish Upon
- Best of the Worst: Christmas Plinketto: Cancel Christmas, Silent Night, Deadly Night 5: The Toy Maker, Mee Christmas
- Best of the Worst: Glenn Danzig's Death Rider in the House of Vampires: Death Rider in the House of Vampires, Verotika
- Best of the Worst Spotlight - Cade: The Tortured Crossing: Cade: The Tortured Crossing
- Best of the Worst: Battle of the Genres: The Baby, Interceptor Force, Mr No Legs
- Tremors - re:View: Tremors
- Escape from New York - re:View: Escape from New York
- Independence Day (1996) - re:View: Independence Day
- Eraserhead - re:View: Eraserhead
- Ghostbusters (1984) - re:View: Ghostbusters
- Mad Max 2: The Road Warrior - re:View: Mad Max 2: The Road Warrior
- The Blair Witch Project - re:View: The Blair Witch Project
- Blade - re:View: Blade
- The Gate - re:View: The Gate
- Dawn of the Dead - re:View: Night of the Living Dead, Dawn of the Dead, Day of the Dead
- Land of the Dead and The Social Commentary of George Romero - re:View: Land of the Dead
- True Stories - re:View: True Stories
- Starship Troopers - re:View: Starship Troopers
- Demolition Man - re:View: Demolition Man
- The Mist - re:View: The Mist
- Twin Peaks: Fire Walk With Me - re:View: Twin Peaks: Fire Walk With Me
- Blade Runner - re:View: Blade Runner
- George A. Romero's Martin - re:View: Martin
- Blind Fury - re:View: Blind Fury
- Joe Versus the Volcano - re:View: Joe Versus the Volcano
- Re-Animator and From Beyond - re:View: Re-Animator, From Beyond
- Nothing But Trouble - re:View: Nothing But Trouble
- Ed Wood - re:View: Ed Wood
- Pink Flamingos - re:View: Pink Flamingos
- Freddy Got Fingered - re:View: Freddy Got Fingered
- The Guest - re:View: The Guest
- Critters - re:View: Critters
- John Carpenter's The Thing - re:View: The Thing
- Strange Brew - re:View: Strange Brew
- Predator - re:View: Predator
- The Psycho Franchise - re:View (part 1 of 2): Psycho, Psycho II
- The Psycho Franchise - reView (part 2 of 2): Psycho III, Psycho IV: The Beginning, Psycho
- Hackers - reView: Hackers
- Star Trek: The Motion Picture - re:View: Star Trek: The Motion Picture
- Return of the Living Dead - re:View: Return of the Living Dead
- Top Secret - re:View: Top Secret
- Suspiria (1977) - re:View: Suspiria
- Suspiria (re:Make) - re:View: Suspiria
- The Rocketeer - re:View: The Rocketeer
- The Warriors - re:View: The Warriors
- In the Mouth of Madness - re:View: In the Mouth of Madness
- Bone Tomahawk - re:View: Bone Tomahawk
- Gremlins 2: The New Batch - re:View: Gremlins 2: The New Batch
- The Exorcist - re:View: The Exorcist
- Exorcist III - re:View: Exorcist III
- The Last Dragon - re:View: The Last Dragon
- Tron and Tron: Legacy - re:View: Tron, Tron: Legacy
- Cabin Fever - re:View: Cabin Fever
- Freaked - re:View: Freaked
- Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory - re:View: Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory
- UHF - re:View: UHF
- Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure & Bogus Journey - re:View: Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure, Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey
- Friday the 13th Sequels - re:View: Friday the 13th - The Final Chapter, Jason Lives: Friday the 13th Part VI
- More Friday the 13th Sequel Talk - re:View: Friday the 13th Part III, Friday the 13th Part V: A New Beginning, Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan
- The Blob (1988) - re:View: The Blob
- Event Horizon - re:View: Event Horizon
- Spacehunter: Adventures in the Forbidden Zone - re:View: Spacehunter: Adventures in the Forbidden Zone
- Bram Stoker's Dracula - re:View: Bram Stoker's Dracula
- Ice Pirates - re:View: Ice Pirates
- Ranking Every John Carpenter Movie (part 1 of 3) - re:View: Body Bags, Dark Star, Escape from L.A., Ghosts of Mars, The Fog, Prince of Darkness, Village of the Damned, Halloween
- Ranking Every John Carpenter Movie (part 2 of 3) - re:View: Assault on Precinct 13, Vampires, The Ward, Memoirs of an Invisible Man
- Ranking Every John Carpenter Movie (part 3 of 3) - re:View: They Live, Starman, Christine, Big Trouble in Little China
- Enemy Mine - re:View: Enemy Mine
- Dune (1984) and Dune (2021) - re:View: Dune, Dune
- Blood Beat - re:View: Blood Beat
- Total Recall - re:View: Total Recall
- Near Dark - re:View: Near Dark
- Darkman - re:View: Darkman
- Who Framed Roger Rabbit - re:View: Who Framed Roger Rabbit
- Kids in the Hall: Brain Candy - re:View: Kids in the Hall: Brain Candy
- The Good, The Bad and the Ugly - re:View: The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly
- Creepshow - re:View: Creepshow
- Creepshow 2 - re:View: Tales from the Darkside, Creepshow 2, Creepshow III, Tales from the Darkside: The Movie
- The Nightmare on Elm Street Series - re:View (Part 1): A Nightmare on Elm Street, A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy's Revenge, A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors, A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master
- The Nightmare on Elm Street Series - re:View (Part 2): A Nightmare on Elm Street 5: The Dream Child, Freddy's Dead: The Final Nightmare, Wes Craven's New Nightmare
- Mars Attacks! - re:Visit: Mars Attacks!
- Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom - re:View: Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom
- Robocop 2 - re:View: Robocop 2
- Little Shop of Horrors - re:View: Little Shop of Horrors
- The Friday the 13th Series - re:View (Part 1): Friday the 13th, Friday the 13th Part 2
- Pee-Wee's Big Adventure - re:View: Pee-Wee's Big Adventure
- The Friday the 13th Series - re:View (Part 2): Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood, Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday, Jason X
- Raising Arizona - re:View: Raising Arizona
- Showgirls - re:View: Showgirls
- The Dark Backward - re:View: The Dark Backward
- Predator 2 - re:View: Predator 2
- Swamp Zombies!!!
- Curse of the Wolf
- Fist of the Vampire
- Warriors of the Apocalypse
- Wendigo: Bound by Blood
- Ninja: Prophecy of Death
- Skull Forest
- Blood Mercury
- Angel of Reckoning
- Hellcats Revenge
- Blood Prism
- Swamp Zombies 2
- Challenge of 5 Gauntlets
- Hellcats Revenge II: Deadman's Hand
- Pact of Vengeance
2024.06.01 21:12 BatsShadow My Keybase proof [reddit:batsshadow = keybase:batsshadow] (wa6cmBNi2UWxXxcr7Mfs-s_PChZrKS2BFo6Dk32Ydt8)
Keybase proof
I am:- batsshadow on reddit.
- batsshadow on keybase.
hKRib2R5hqhkZXRhY2hlZMOpaGFzaF90eXBlCqNrZXnEIwEgWaSR08wmODWw2hLbgQcToqpzSK2yCBL4PUGAC0EknXMKp3BheWxvYWTESpcCFcQgNC6wsQrbyaAZ0k/JGcJuHOv8c+lg3K8Nu9OV0xCS0FPEIEYB/DuDRMNWg/xFRES1CdfysdkcIfZElTUShiRWbE6iAgHCo3NpZ8RAoTlogeN1oSQdxziKz73nQxiUK++WzYDDKYQWmwcOe8zTnQxSxSxbkA1V1xtWYsMYxUhpxrHyT0vsnSJAqgeoC6hzaWdfdHlwZSCkaGFzaIKkdHlwZQildmFsdWXEILQFG5fSAnDnTBXQh/qBmIeKA6kiJz9pFdFUvRuVkAQpo3RhZ80CAqd2ZXJzaW9uAQ==
2024.06.01 21:01 AshishLeo Questions about tickets for AZ Grand Prix
Hello Everyone, I have booked 4-day pass tickets for the Baku Grand Prix from bakucitycircuit.com. I have received the order confirmation. Are the tickets offline/online, how do I get them and where can I check the ticket details and any tips for the first time visitor
submitted by AshishLeo to GrandPrixTravel [link] [comments]
2024.06.01 20:36 EssenseOfMagic Daily Releases (May 31, 2024)
| Game | Group | Stores | Review |
|---|---|---|---|
| Astor Blade of the Monolith | ElAmigos | Steam, GOG, Epic | 77.78% (14) |
| Chernobylite Complete Edition | RUNE | Steam | 83.12% (12.2k) |
| TRAIL OUT Last Pursuit | RUNE | - | |
| Night of the Dead | RUNE | Steam | 78.87% (10.4k) |
| Revhead Miduga Special Edition | SKIDROW | - | |
| Vendir Plague of Lies | TENOKE | Steam, GOG | 80.00% (20) |
| Tiny Terrys Turbo Trip | TENOKE | Steam | 99.21% (125) |
| SKALD Against the Black Priory | TENOKE | Steam, GOG | 94.97% (151) |
| Scholars Mate | TENOKE | Steam | 33.33% (4) |
| Project Kinesis | TENOKE | Steam, Epic | - |
| FLATHEAD | TENOKE | Steam | 100.00% (50) |
| Northgard Garm Clan of the Hounds | TENOKE | Steam | 66.00% (33) |
| Abiotic Factor Early Access | x.X.RIDDICK.X.x | - |
| Update | Group | Stores | Reviews |
|---|---|---|---|
| Granblue.Fantasy.Relink.Update.v1.3.1.incl.DLC-RUNE | RUNE | Steam | 89.51% (37.7k) |
| Ultimate.Admiral.Dreadnoughts.Update.v1.5.1.4-TENOKE | TENOKE | Steam | 70.74% (5.5k) |
| The.Exit.8.Update.v1.0.7-TENOKE | TENOKE | - | |
| Spirit.City.Lofi.Sessions.Update.v1.2.0-TENOKE | TENOKE | Steam | 97.18% (3.7k) |
| My.Dream.Setup.Update.v20240530-TENOKE | TENOKE | Steam | 89.93% (2.9k) |
| Lords.of.the.Fallen.Master.of.Fate.Update.v1.5.103-TENOKE | TENOKE | - | |
| Die.Sims.4.Digital.Deluxe.Edition.ReRelease.Update.120.MULTi2-x.X.RIDDICK.X.x | x.X.RIDDICK.X.x | - | |
| Crown.Wars.The.Black.Prince.Sacred.Edition.Update.2.MULTi11-x.X.RIDDICK.X.x | x.X.RIDDICK.X.x | - | |
| Lords.of.the.Fallen.2023.Deluxe.Edition.Update.43.MULTi12-x.X.RIDDICK.X.x | x.X.RIDDICK.X.x | - | |
| MotoGP.24.Day.One.Edition.Update.4.MULTi11-x.X.RIDDICK.X.x | x.X.RIDDICK.X.x | - | |
| Outpost.Infinity.Siege.Vanguard.Edition.Update.12.MULTi7-x.X.RIDDICK.X.x | x.X.RIDDICK.X.x | - | |
| Old.World.Complete.Edition.Update.35.MULTi8-x.X.RIDDICK.X.x | x.X.RIDDICK.X.x | - | |
| Morbid.The.Lords.of.Ire.Update.2.MULTi8-x.X.RIDDICK.X.x | x.X.RIDDICK.X.x | Steam, Epic | 71.54% (88) |
| Landwirtschafts.Simulator.22.Premium.Edition.Update.4.MULTi23-x.X.RIDDICK.X.x | x.X.RIDDICK.X.x | Epic | - |
| Arizona.Sunshine.2.VR.Deluxe.Edition.Update.6.MULTi8-x.X.RIDDICK.X.x | x.X.RIDDICK.X.x | - | |
| Alone.in.the.Dark.Deluxe.Edition.Update.3.MULTi2-x.X.RIDDICK.X.x | x.X.RIDDICK.X.x | - |
Q: When will [insert game name here] be cracked?
A: STOP! CrackWatch members are not psychic. Games get cracked by completely ANONYMOUS SCENE GROUPS who don't disclose their progress or plans to the general public so NO ONE knows WHEN and IF a certain game will be cracked.
Q: What are all these NFO thingies? Where do I download?
A: NFOs are text files included with game releases which contain information about the releases. CrackWatch only informs which games have been cracked. To download look for the releases on CS.RIN.RU's forum or torrent websites. Useful websites can be found in The Beginners Guide or PiratedGames's Mega Thread.
Q: WTF is Denuvo?
A: Denuvo is a Digital Rights Management (DRM) technology used to protect games from being cracked. Games that have Denuvo are harder to crack and usually take much longer. See Pinned Post for a list of Denuvo games.
Q: An update is out, but it includes the base game as well! Can I only download the update without redownloading the entire game?
A: Yes. CS.RIN.RU is your friend.
Q&A
Q: When will [insert game name here] be cracked?
A: STOP! CrackWatch members are not psychic. Games get cracked by completely ANONYMOUS SCENE GROUPS who don't disclose their progress or plans to the general public so NO ONE knows WHEN and IF a certain game will be cracked.
Q: What are all these NFO thingies? Where do I download?
A: NFOs are text files included with game releases which contain information about the releases. CrackWatch only informs which games have been cracked. To download look for the releases on CS.RIN.RU's forum or torrent websites. Useful websites can be found in The Beginners Guide or PiratedGames's Mega Thread.
Q: WTF is Denuvo?
A: Denuvo is a Digital Rights Management (DRM) technology used to protect games from being cracked. Games that have Denuvo are harder to crack and usually take much longer. See Pinned Post for a list of Denuvo games.
Q: An update is out, but it includes the base game as well! Can I only download the update without redownloading the entire game?
A: Yes. CS.RIN.RU is your friend.
2024.06.01 20:34 EssenseOfMagic Daily Releases (May 30, 2024)
| Game | Group | Stores | Review |
|---|---|---|---|
| Astor Blade of the Monolith | RUNE | Steam, GOG, Epic | 100.00% (9) |
| No Mans Sky Adrift | Razor1911 | - | |
| Capes | Razor1911 | Steam, GOG, Epic | 60.00% (54) |
| Old World Behind The Throne | Razor1911 | Steam, GOG | 100.00% (16) |
| RollScape | TENOKE | Steam | 88.89% (32) |
| Machorium Muscle Aquarium Simulator | TENOKE | Steam | 100.00% (5) |
| Infinite Mana | TENOKE | Steam | 83.33% (15) |
| Gaia Trek Adventure Mode | TENOKE | - | |
| Eternal Vigil Crystal Defender | TENOKE | Steam | 100.00% (1) |
| Umbraclaw | TENOKE | Steam | 83.33% (10) |
| Thriving City Song | TENOKE | Steam | 82.80% (2.2k) |
| Back Fire | TENOKE | Steam | 28.57% (2) |
| Capes | TENOKE | Steam, GOG, Epic | 60.00% (54) |
| Echoes | TENOKE | - |
| Update | Group | Stores | Reviews |
|---|---|---|---|
| Old_World_Behind_The_Throne_MacOS_DirFix-Razor1911 | Razor1911 | Steam, GOG | 100.00% (16) |
| Outpost.Infinity.Siege.Update.v20240529-TENOKE | TENOKE | Steam | 67.57% (10.6k) |
| Fabledom.Update.v1.04-TENOKE | TENOKE | Steam, Epic | 88.39% (4.0k) |
| Easy.Red.2.Update.v1.3.7f1-TENOKE | TENOKE | Steam | 90.39% (4.2k) |
| DAVE.THE.DIVER.Update.v1.0.2.1390-TENOKE | TENOKE | Steam | 97.38% (98.2k) |
| Afterimage.Trial.of.Soul.Update.v20240529-TENOKE | TENOKE | - | |
| Roast.of.Sashimi.DIRECTORS.CUT.Update.3.MULTi3-x.X.RIDDICK.X.x | x.X.RIDDICK.X.x | Steam | 89.56% (22.7k) |
Q&A
Q: When will [insert game name here] be cracked?
A: STOP! CrackWatch members are not psychic. Games get cracked by completely ANONYMOUS SCENE GROUPS who don't disclose their progress or plans to the general public so NO ONE knows WHEN and IF a certain game will be cracked.
Q: What are all these NFO thingies? Where do I download?
A: NFOs are text files included with game releases which contain information about the releases. CrackWatch only informs which games have been cracked. To download look for the releases on CS.RIN.RU's forum or torrent websites. Useful websites can be found in The Beginners Guide or PiratedGames's Mega Thread.
Q: WTF is Denuvo?
A: Denuvo is a Digital Rights Management (DRM) technology used to protect games from being cracked. Games that have Denuvo are harder to crack and usually take much longer. See Pinned Post for a list of Denuvo games.
Q: An update is out, but it includes the base game as well! Can I only download the update without redownloading the entire game?
A: Yes. CS.RIN.RU is your friend.
2024.06.01 20:28 TemoTull All Servers Aged Smurfs (Old Stock) Iron 4 - 0 LP Mythic Skins Hand-Leveled Everything League-Related
Iron 4 - 0 LP (Pick Server)
Fresh Accs on All Servers (Aged Safe 2022 Stock):
Search your Mythic/Prestige Skin and Server
submitted by TemoTull to LeagueMarket [link] [comments]
Fresh Accs on All Servers (Aged Safe 2022 Stock):
- NA - North America
- EUW / EUNE - Europe West / Nordic East
- OCE - Oceania
- LAN - Latam North
- LAS - Latam South
- RU - Russia
- TR - Turkey
- BR - Brazil
- JP - Japan
- TW - Taiwan
- PH - Philippines
- SG - Singapore
- TH - Thailand
Search your Mythic/Prestige Skin and Server
- Need any skin on any server? (even Mythic) - dm me here! or disc: temotull or TemoTull#1250
- 100% Positive feedback - see on ebay profile!
- Ebay Store - NA (American) - $ USD
- Ebay Store - EU (British) - £ GBP
- Ebay Store - EU (German) - € EUR
2024.06.01 19:53 Kenko2 Sieves update for Imagus (2024-06-01)
SIEVES + rules for SMH
Update of the rules for SMH (separate from sieves):
SimpleModifyHeader_2024.05.13_71.conf
With our rule-set, we recommend using Imagus Mod v.0.10.15 (ChromeFirefox). You can read about its advantages over the outdated Imagus (it has not been updated for 3 years) here. How to install Imagus Mod - see FAQ, p.19.
To update the sieves in Imagus Mod, it is enough to delete the old ones, click "Save" and then - the "Update Sieve" button. Once the new sieves have been successfully imported, you must click "Save" again to confirm the changes.
NB! In this topic, all questions not related to the update of our rule-set are strictly prohibited. Create a new topic in the community with your question or message.
submitted by Kenko2 to imagus [link] [comments]
Update of the rules for SMH (separate from sieves):
SimpleModifyHeader_2024.05.13_71.conf
With our rule-set, we recommend using Imagus Mod v.0.10.15 (ChromeFirefox). You can read about its advantages over the outdated Imagus (it has not been updated for 3 years) here. How to install Imagus Mod - see FAQ, p.19.
To update the sieves in Imagus Mod, it is enough to delete the old ones, click "Save" and then - the "Update Sieve" button. Once the new sieves have been successfully imported, you must click "Save" again to confirm the changes.
NB! In this topic, all questions not related to the update of our rule-set are strictly prohibited. Create a new topic in the community with your question or message.
2024.06.01 18:23 Adventurous_Depth857 My Keybase proof [reddit:Adventurous_Depth857 = keybase:sevmorris] (wfVktdYfZG5wW0uL10abuW-B9oIRjqCZv7iYS_Wxo3Y)
Keybase proof
I am:- Adventurous_Depth857 on reddit.
- sevmorris on keybase.
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