here i am at 9:33pm, journaling to occupy myself, knowing that you’re 27 now. last year’s halloween party pops in my mind, the mental instagram reel of us posing together in our costumes. i deleted the picture yet I still remember it, clear as day. my eyes were slightly crossed from alcohol and you were smiling, hard. you told me that i looked fine, just slightly drunk, but i always wondered if you just liked how you looked in it with your broad shoulders in your roommate’s ironic costume idea.
I remember all these things. do you? do you remember the night i attempted to tell you of my mistake, and you kissed me in the dark. the nights we laughed and talked, woke up together, planned our sundays together. it’s as if it was yesterday we were running to Aldi’s to help you with your grocery shopping. When we would make breakfast and binge Kitchen nightmares and Breaking Bad, rushing to get our work done so we could sneak a couple beers in before the night ended to fall asleep in each others arms. do you remember? or do i mean nothing to you now? a stranger, a crazy ex, a story you’ll tell to your next SO someday who’ll scoff and call me a bitch the same way I did with your ex. the night when I sang a childhood song and everyone joined in despite our driver’s anime music playlist. so so many stupid “instagram reels”.
how difficult the days have become pursuing my career when you’re all i can fucking think about. I’m sorry, I’m a girl; it sickens me to have possibly been a source of... entertainment. But I know it’s not like that. I know you care. how pathetic i am at how much time i allowed myself to waste because of how the world seemed to stop and everything felt okay when i looked into your big, beautiful eyes. eyes that looked so innocent and beautiful to me then. the puppy like expression when you’d lay in my lap as i played with your hair, the pleasure of watching the weight of the world leave your shoulders when i massaged them because knowing i could make your day just 0.01% made my world shine just a little bit brighter.
the nights we spent talking Winter Break, the drunk calls you’d unknowingly make because you claimed you missed me. I loved you so stupidly much. the laughing, giggling, the favors you’d do for me. the spot in your bathroom that you somehow let me occupy for whatever reason. the time i got my period and nearly flushed in tears from sharing a traumatic experience, being fascinated by your love for our culture in a way id never seen, your love for houses, cars, real estate. the times you’d show me your emails and let me proofread them with my Nazi grammar. all of it. i fucking miss all of it. every moment. every day. every second. it’s you i can’t get out of my fucking mind. it’s your stupid laugh, that grin, that smile that drove me nuts, i wish i could burn the memories like pieces of paper in the fireplaces. small pieces of paper like the ones i’d use to write you love letters and reminders and hide them under your pillow; god I’m so sorry I smothered you. Know that I am so, so, sorry for everything. the idiotic allergies you’d get for no reason like a nerd, calling me a nerd, the nerdy acne you’d get right around your nose, that fucking one adorable dimple that’d creep out when you’re about to laugh or you’re making a stupid joke. my mind is a fucking hellfire of these stupid memories that i can’t extract. i want my heart to stop breaking every time i see someone at my job doing their fucking rotations. i want my soul back. i want my life back. i want my fucking emotions back. i used to be so happy and bubbly, your friends bullying me for being so naive and i never would’ve imagined you’d be the one to pop my bubble and make me feel so scarred. watching the beautiful moments turn into a living hell and just feeling like a skeleton of the girl i used to be because of the amount of pain you inflicted on me.
I love you.

this is going to be long. i don’t think i can capture the whole situation without some backstory. i’m doing my best to keep it brief.
let me start off by saying that my mom was a teen mom and i (23) am the oldest of her children. my biological father is not in the picture and he hasn’t been since i was very young. my mom always encouraged me to be comfortable in having no contact with him despite the fact that he was my father. if he treated me poorly, i shouldn’t have to put up with him. my mom married again, i got a younger sister out of that, and she divorced that man and is now with a man that is the father of none of her children. he has three kids of his own that he has always blatantly valued more than us. he always considered us ‘bad’ kids. especially my brother as he was the only boy in the house. this is no secret. its something we’ve brought to my mom’s attention ever since they met. something she even used to acknowledge. they’ve been together several years, probably since i was around 8 years old.
i’m from the south and they’re very classic conservative. as a kid i had a real problem with their homophobia before i even realized that i was queer. we used to get into horrible screaming matches over the things they said because at the time, they didn’t know they were saying these things about me. i think that’s the reason so much of the nasty things they said stuck with me for so many years.
fast forward to 2019. i moved with my boyfriend (who i feel it’s important to the story to mention is trans, but had not yet begun the process of transitioning when we first met so he was not out to my mother) she saw us as lesbians. i think this upset her because before i met my current boyfriend, i had been with a cis man.
in 2020, i lived with my boyfriend as well as his parents. they are much more open minded than my family. when covid came around my mom was quick to deny it. and that was not surprising to me in the slightest, it didn’t even really phase me. i didn’t act any different toward her, i just remember feeling lucky not to live there at the time because i was considered high risk. i also lived in an area of mainly people over 60. i do not want this to turn into a covid debate, but i feel that it’s crucial to what happened.
in november of 2020, i felt comfortable enough to visit her. we talked on the phone about it for months leading up to the visit and she made it very clear that she and the rest of my family that lived in her house had no problem wearing a mask for the few months leading up to my visit. this was really important to me as my step dad is a cop. he interacts very closely with people every day.
so when we visited, my mom had planned for all of us (myself, my boyfriend, my mom, my step dad, my younger sister, her friend, my older step sister, her husband, her toddler, and her newborn) to cram into a van together and go look at drive through christmas lights. we wouldn’t all fit legally in the same car and the lights were kind of a drive away, so my boyfriend had driven my mom’s car and my mom had driven the van. we stopped at a gas station close to our destination in order to pile into the van.
that’s when my step father and step sister went into the gas station without wearing masks. i felt lied to and disrespected by my mom so i admit that i was upset and probably wasn’t using the kindest tone, but this is not something i would ever cut contact over. i didn’t even want to argue about it.
i expressed that i was no longer comfortable cramming into a car with all of them after i’d discovered they had not been taking my concerns seriously. my boyfriend and i were going to drive my mother’s car back home and the rest of the group would continue on to see the lights. my mom was pissed off, but it wasn’t like her normal pissed off. i assumed it was because this was the first conflict we’d had since i moved out. still, i was sure she’d get over it.
the real problem started when my younger sister also expressed that she didn’t want to go. but her reason was vastly different from mine. she didn’t know that she would be forced to sit next to my older step sister’s husband (we’ll call him brad).
brad is not a nice person. he has a history of having sexually explicit conversations with minors. my entire family is aware of this, and he was still allowed to live in my mom’s house for almost a year. my younger sister once woke up from a nap on the couch to him standing over her. when he realized she was awake he just walked away without saying anything. he was eventually kicked out of my mom’s house because he masturbated in her dining room while my younger sister was in the kitchen. my older step sister caught him on camera doing this. they are still married now.
my younger sister expressed that she didn’t feel comfortable sitting so close to brad in the car. it caused a massive fight in the parking lot of this gas station. it ended with my step father trying to physically drag her out of the car. he was not successful, but my mom was so pissed off by this point that she decided to cancel the plans entirely and drive her car home with all of us in it. she drove like a maniac the entire hour home.
when we got back to her house, i immediately ran to gather my belongings. i intended to take my sister to our grandma’s house. i believed that what my step father had done to her was not acceptable. as i stomped into the room i was staying in i yelled to my mom that she was acting like a crazy fucking bitch. seems inconsequential but trust me it’s important.
i was in the bedroom gathering up my things when i heard my little sister saying “get off of me! get away!” i panicked and ran into the living room. i assumed she had been yelling at my step father so i was surprised when he caught me at the door and shoved me against the wall. their living room has a half wall, so i couldn’t see my sister. i panicked and struggled against my step father. i broke away from him once but he pushed me back again. he held me there until my boyfriend came out and physically put himself between us.
when i got away from him, i ran to my sister. her neck was red like someone had been grabbing it. i asked her what HE did to her. i still assumed it had been my step father. my sister just looked at me like she didn’t know what to say.
my mom was still standing there, just staring at us. i grabbed her shoulders and yelled that she was going to have to wake up and realize what was happening if she wanted to ever have a real relationship with any of us. she said “take your hands off of me.” and i did. i took my sister’s bag and grabbed her hand and walked toward the front door. my mom blocked us. she said she would call the police on me for kidnapping if i took my sister. my sister stood there and begged me not to leave her. how could i?
my mom had my sister’s phone and refused to give it back to her. we ended up just leaving it. i took my sister and we went to stay the night with my grandma. in the car, my sister told me it had been my mom who she was yelling at. my mom choked her into the couch because my sister had insisted that she was leaving.
the next day my sister’s biological father (who she lived with at the time) picked her up from our grandma’s and i went back home early with my boyfriend.
despite the fact that she let us stay with her, my grandma was not on our side. she was of the opinion that we should’ve just done as we were told and none of this would’ve happened.
my sister’s dad took her back to my mom’s house and made her apologize. she got her stuff back after that.
now four years have passed since then. my mom and i slowly started to communicate again but it has only been at a surface level ever since. i knew we couldn’t talk about such an intense topic without being in person. and it would feel wrong to bring it up on a visit. i moved back to my hometown last summer with the hope that i could really work out the issues between myself and my mom. my younger sister moved in with me when i moved back as she had graduated the same year.
we hadn’t really talked about what happened. i felt so bad for her having to continue to live in the environment that i didn’t want to ever bring it up. but now that we live on our own, it came up naturally. we both realized that we needed to talk to our mom about our problems in order to ever have a real connection.
so we did. we invited her over and did our best to talk things over. i knew my mom was not the best at taking criticism but i genuinely didn’t expect what played out.
i tried to bring up the things they said to me as a kid. things that made me feel wrong in my identity and made me feel like it would be easier for everyone if i just disappeared. she denies ever saying anything negative about gay people ever. she says that she has never ever said anything worse about gay people than that she doesn’t agree with them. that was definitely not all. just before i moved out i expressed to my step dad that he’d traumatized me with all of his anti-gay rhetoric. constantly calling me a faggot. dumb shit like that. his response was “obviously not enough.”
then i brought up how badly she hurt me that day. how i felt she’d chosen her husband over her children again. i couldn’t understand why she would think that choking my sister was okay. or her husband pinning me against the wall was okay. and then she told me it was because i was ‘charging into the room’ to beat her up.
i have never in all my years ever laid a finger on my mother. i adapted to that household by being agreeable and doing what i was told. the only time i ever stepped out of line was when it came to human rights. i was young and naive and i thought that if i could just say the right words i could make them understand. so those were the battles i chose in my childhood. i NEVER once threatened or even thought of hurting my mom.
she claims that when i heard my sister calling for help, i charged into the living room screaming at my mom. she claims THAT is when i called her a crazy fucking bitch.
i was quick to reassure her that i never ever wanted to hurt her. that it wasn’t even a thought in my head. that i hadn’t even known that SHE was the one doing anything to my sister. that i hadn’t even made it two feet into the living room before my step dad threw me back.
she doesn’t believe me.
she just says that it’s not about what she believes, it’s about what she witnessed. that she witnessed me planning to hurt her.
i know that i am not that kind of person. and i am not comfortable being around someone who would accuse me of such violence.
i explained my side of the story again and again and her only response was “no, no, no.”
my sister expressed that she felt it was wrong mom had choked her. my mom said that it was my sister’s fault because she wouldn’t “stop running her mouth” and refused to “sit her monkey ass down”
she ran out of the house shortly after this. we didn’t get to finish talking about much. i went into the bathroom to finish my panic attack alone and she called me. she said on the phone that if we were to talk, i would have to stop accusing her of things. to me, it seemed that she was accusing me of trying to hurt her. even in the face of being told it simply wasn’t true. i couldn’t articulate that point very well in the moment, though.
on this phone call she also said “you’re not going to tell me i have problems. you think YOU don’t have problems?” and i told her that i know i have problems that im just able to acknowledge that without lashing out. i told her that i hope one day she sees what i mean but i just can’t keep putting myself through this. i told her i loved her and then i hung up.
my mom also texted me that night in 2020 when everything happened. she said she felt wronged because i had called her such a horrible name. and i apologized then and there for calling her a crazy fucking bitch. her response was that she didn’t feel she had anything to apologize for herself. she has never said anything about feeling threatened by me until we confronted her a few days ago.
how can i deal with this when my entire family (aside from my younger sister) has normalized abuse? how can i move on without feeling like everything i did was wrong? im very firm in my story, i even have journal entries from the day it happened. therapy sessions. texts to my boyfriend’s dad from 30 minutes after everything happened. my story has never once changed and has never once hinged on what i THOUGHT might happen.
not only am i firm in my story but i am firm in my opinion that their actions are unjustified. especially toward my little sister. i just can’t shake the doubt. i don’t know if it’s the small part of me that still holds onto everything they instilled in me or what. i was just hoping for some advice i suppose. thank you for reading all of this.

this is going to be long. i don’t think i can capture the whole situation without some backstory. i’m doing my best to keep it brief.
let me start off by saying that my mom was a teen mom and i (23) am the oldest of her children. my biological father is not in the picture and he hasn’t been since i was very young. my mom always encouraged me to be comfortable in having no contact with him despite the fact that he was my father. if he treated me poorly, i shouldn’t have to put up with him. my mom married again, i got a younger sister out of that, and she divorced that man and is now with a man that is the father of none of her children. he has three kids of his own that he has always blatantly valued more than us. he always considered us ‘bad’ kids. especially my brother as he was the only boy in the house. this is no secret. its something we’ve brought to my mom’s attention ever since they met. something she even used to acknowledge. they’ve been together several years, probably since i was around 8 years old.
i’m from the south and they’re very classic conservative. as a kid i had a real problem with their homophobia before i even realized that i was queer. we used to get into horrible screaming matches over the things they said because at the time, they didn’t know they were saying these things about me. i think that’s the reason so much of the nasty things they said stuck with me for so many years.
fast forward to 2019. i moved with my boyfriend (who i feel it’s important to the story to mention is trans, but had not yet begun the process of transitioning when we first met so he was not out to my mother) she saw us as lesbians. i think this upset her because before i met my current boyfriend, i had been with a cis man.
in 2020, i lived with my boyfriend as well as his parents. they are much more open minded than my family. when covid came around my mom was quick to deny it. and that was not surprising to me in the slightest, it didn’t even really phase me. i didn’t act any different toward her, i just remember feeling lucky not to live there at the time because i was considered high risk. i also lived in an area of mainly people over 60. i do not want this to turn into a covid debate, but i feel that it’s crucial to what happened.
in november of 2020, i felt comfortable enough to visit her. we talked on the phone about it for months leading up to the visit and she made it very clear that she and the rest of my family that lived in her house had no problem wearing a mask for the few months leading up to my visit. this was really important to me as my step dad is a cop. he interacts very closely with people every day.
so when we visited, my mom had planned for all of us (myself, my boyfriend, my mom, my step dad, my younger sister, her friend, my older step sister, her husband, her toddler, and her newborn) to cram into a van together and go look at drive through christmas lights. we wouldn’t all fit legally in the same car and the lights were kind of a drive away, so my boyfriend had driven my mom’s car and my mom had driven the van. we stopped at a gas station close to our destination in order to pile into the van.
that’s when my step father and step sister went into the gas station without wearing masks. i felt lied to and disrespected by my mom so i admit that i was upset and probably wasn’t using the kindest tone, but this is not something i would ever cut contact over. i didn’t even want to argue about it.
i expressed that i was no longer comfortable cramming into a car with all of them after i’d discovered they had not been taking my concerns seriously. my boyfriend and i were going to drive my mother’s car back home and the rest of the group would continue on to see the lights. my mom was pissed off, but it wasn’t like her normal pissed off. i assumed it was because this was the first conflict we’d had since i moved out. still, i was sure she’d get over it.
the real problem started when my younger sister also expressed that she didn’t want to go. but her reason was vastly different from mine. she didn’t know that she would be forced to sit next to my older step sister’s husband (we’ll call him brad).
brad is not a nice person. he has a history of having sexually explicit conversations with minors. my entire family is aware of this, and he was still allowed to live in my mom’s house for almost a year. my younger sister once woke up from a nap on the couch to him standing over her. when he realized she was awake he just walked away without saying anything. he was eventually kicked out of my mom’s house because he masturbated in her dining room while my younger sister was in the kitchen. my older step sister caught him on camera doing this. they are still married now.
my younger sister expressed that she didn’t feel comfortable sitting so close to brad in the car. it caused a massive fight in the parking lot of this gas station. it ended with my step father trying to physically drag her out of the car. he was not successful, but my mom was so pissed off by this point that she decided to cancel the plans entirely and drive her car home with all of us in it. she drove like a maniac the entire hour home.
when we got back to her house, i immediately ran to gather my belongings. i intended to take my sister to our grandma’s house. i believed that what my step father had done to her was not acceptable. as i stomped into the room i was staying in i yelled to my mom that she was acting like a crazy fucking bitch. seems inconsequential but trust me it’s important.
i was in the bedroom gathering up my things when i heard my little sister saying “get off of me! get away!” i panicked and ran into the living room. i assumed she had been yelling at my step father so i was surprised when he caught me at the door and shoved me against the wall. their living room has a half wall, so i couldn’t see my sister. i panicked and struggled against my step father. i broke away from him once but he pushed me back again. he held me there until my boyfriend came out and physically put himself between us.
when i got away from him, i ran to my sister. her neck was red like someone had been grabbing it. i asked her what HE did to her. i still assumed it had been my step father. my sister just looked at me like she didn’t know what to say.
my mom was still standing there, just staring at us. i grabbed her shoulders and yelled that she was going to have to wake up and realize what was happening if she wanted to ever have a real relationship with any of us. she said “take your hands off of me.” and i did. i took my sister’s bag and grabbed her hand and walked toward the front door. my mom blocked us. she said she would call the police on me for kidnapping if i took my sister. my sister stood there and begged me not to leave her. how could i?
my mom had my sister’s phone and refused to give it back to her. we ended up just leaving it. i took my sister and we went to stay the night with my grandma. in the car, my sister told me it had been my mom who she was yelling at. my mom choked her into the couch because my sister had insisted that she was leaving.
the next day my sister’s biological father (who she lived with at the time) picked her up from our grandma’s and i went back home early with my boyfriend.
despite the fact that she let us stay with her, my grandma was not on our side. she was of the opinion that we should’ve just done as we were told and none of this would’ve happened.
my sister’s dad took her back to my mom’s house and made her apologize. she got her stuff back after that.
now four years have passed since then. my mom and i slowly started to communicate again but it has only been at a surface level ever since. i knew we couldn’t talk about such an intense topic without being in person. and it would feel wrong to bring it up on a visit. i moved back to my hometown last summer with the hope that i could really work out the issues between myself and my mom. my younger sister moved in with me when i moved back as she had graduated the same year.
we hadn’t really talked about what happened. i felt so bad for her having to continue to live in the environment that i didn’t want to ever bring it up. but now that we live on our own, it came up naturally. we both realized that we needed to talk to our mom about our problems in order to ever have a real connection.
so we did. we invited her over and did our best to talk things over. i knew my mom was not the best at taking criticism but i genuinely didn’t expect what played out.
i tried to bring up the things they said to me as a kid. things that made me feel wrong in my identity and made me feel like it would be easier for everyone if i just disappeared. she denies ever saying anything negative about gay people ever. she says that she has never ever said anything worse about gay people than that she doesn’t agree with them. that was definitely not all. just before i moved out i expressed to my step dad that he’d traumatized me with all of his anti-gay rhetoric. constantly calling me a faggot. dumb shit like that. his response was “obviously not enough.”
then i brought up how badly she hurt me that day. how i felt she’d chosen her husband over her children again. i couldn’t understand why she would think that choking my sister was okay. or her husband pinning me against the wall was okay. and then she told me it was because i was ‘charging into the room’ to beat her up.
i have never in all my years ever laid a finger on my mother. i adapted to that household by being agreeable and doing what i was told. the only time i ever stepped out of line was when it came to human rights. i was young and naive and i thought that if i could just say the right words i could make them understand. so those were the battles i chose in my childhood. i NEVER once threatened or even thought of hurting my mom.
she claims that when i heard my sister calling for help, i charged into the living room screaming at my mom. she claims THAT is when i called her a crazy fucking bitch.
i was quick to reassure her that i never ever wanted to hurt her. that it wasn’t even a thought in my head. that i hadn’t even known that SHE was the one doing anything to my sister. that i hadn’t even made it two feet into the living room before my step dad threw me back.
she doesn’t believe me.
she just says that it’s not about what she believes, it’s about what she witnessed. that she witnessed me planning to hurt her.
i know that i am not that kind of person. and i am not comfortable being around someone who would accuse me of such violence.
i explained my side of the story again and again and her only response was “no, no, no.”
my sister expressed that she felt it was wrong mom had choked her. my mom said that it was my sister’s fault because she wouldn’t “stop running her mouth” and refused to “sit her monkey ass down”
she ran out of the house shortly after this. we didn’t get to finish talking about much. i went into the bathroom to finish my panic attack alone and she called me. she said on the phone that if we were to talk, i would have to stop accusing her of things. to me, it seemed that she was accusing me of trying to hurt her. even in the face of being told it simply wasn’t true. i couldn’t articulate that point very well in the moment, though.
on this phone call she also said “you’re not going to tell me i have problems. you think YOU don’t have problems?” and i told her that i know i have problems that im just able to acknowledge that without lashing out. i told her that i hope one day she sees what i mean but i just can’t keep putting myself through this. i told her i loved her and then i hung up.
my mom also texted me that night in 2020 when everything happened. she said she felt wronged because i had called her such a horrible name. and i apologized then and there for calling her a crazy fucking bitch. her response was that she didn’t feel she had anything to apologize for herself. she has never said anything about feeling threatened by me until we confronted her a few days ago.
how can i deal with this when my entire family (aside from my younger sister) has normalized abuse? how can i move on without feeling like everything i did was wrong? im very firm in my story, i even have journal entries from the day it happened. therapy sessions. texts to my boyfriend’s dad from 30 minutes after everything happened. my story has never once changed and has never once hinged on what i THOUGHT might happen.
not only am i firm in my story but i am firm in my opinion that their actions are unjustified. especially toward my little sister. i just can’t shake the doubt. i don’t know if it’s the small part of me that still holds onto everything they instilled in me or what. i was just hoping for some advice i suppose. thank you for reading all of this.

My husband and I have been married for almost 4 years and we have a 3 year old son. I'm very extroverted and have a lot of friends while my husband is very introverted and only has 3 friends who all happen to be female. Over the past year and a half, he got very close to one of them but I never put the kibosh on it because he has so few friends. Just at the beginning of May he had a couple nights where he did not come home because he was at her house. On the second night that he did not come home, I waited up for him and confronted him when he came in the front door. I gave him the ultimatum to either stop talking to her or to leave. At first he decided to stop talking to her and to work on our relationship. However, after a few days, he decided it wasn't worth it after we had done a silly marriage workbook and I just ended up asking him about accountability. I wanted to know what kept him from doing this again or what kept him from abandoning me when something more so severe in my life may be going on like ill physical or mental health. He has also done other things like spend $500 on a stripper on my last birthday when he was on a work trip out of town, and then after I had my son he racked up more than $800 in bills on only fans. He thought about it for a moment and told me that he was only going to hurt me again and again, and that there was no reason to try. I ended up convincing him to stay and that it would be worth trying for to keep stuff together for our family.
However, a couple days later I caught him messaging her again. I confronted him and he told me that while he loved me, he wasn't romantically in love with me. That I wasn't meeting his needs and I didn't understand him like she did. At this point we were still having sex at least twice a week. I helped him get his green card. I helped him get his license back. I bought him a new car every time he wrecked one. And I just helped him get into college. It was also smoking anywhere from 100 to $300 worth of weed every week, and I was just taking it on the chin and figuring out our finances around it. At this point, I just asked him to leave. He cried and moaned while I made him pack a bag, and was upset that I was asking him to leave which would prevent him from being there for our son. However, I told him if he remained I wouldn't be able to be there for our son, and that's what mattered the most to me.
He ended up leaving and staying with his stepdad. According to his mother and his sister, he's been taking money from his dad because he said I was still receiving his paychecks (which I am not) and that he has been into his dad's medical cabinet to try to take painkillers and his dad's diabetic needles. The girl that he is hooking up with has mental health issues and with drug usage. He also has prior issues with drug usage. He's also been switched psych medications four times in the past year.
At one point he offered to reconcile and just get to come home by stopping seeing her. But I told him that there was way more that we would need to work on before he could come home. He ended up going back to her and then trying to come back to me. And then just yo-yoing between the two of us for several weeks before he eventually decided to just pick her. He's now trying to blame the end of our marriage on me for being a "mean bitch who is no fun" and that I'm not accountable for my actions in ending this. However, I had overlooked so much of his previous bad behavior to remain in a relationship with him so my son would have a father. I tried to get him to help me understand what I had done wrong, and he told me that I was impossible to communicate with which is why he never communicated his needs to me.
He has also told me that he doesn't want any more kids, and that he doesn't believe in God. He told me that co-parenting our son will be fine, even though I've told him how much my parents divorce at a similar age deeply ended up wounding me as a child. He thinks just because he's going to be around some. It's better than his father who wasn't around at all. However, I told him sometimes it's more painful to have your dad two cities away living a life with a new family than it is to have an immovable image completely gone from your life.
He talks about co-parenting our son, but he is only seeing him a handful of times in the month that he's been gone. Most of those occasions have been at my suggestion and I have also been present. He's also stood us up once because he told me he had gone to the woods to contemplate suicide instead of meeting up with us. He doesn't call our son every night even though a FaceTime call with him would probably only last like 2 to 5 minutes. He's only sent me $320 to deal with expenses in the month that he has been gone along with getting our son a haircut. At each of these meetings he starts off by being horrible to me and rude. By the end, he's softened and does whatever he can to spend as much time with me and my son before he leaves. Even after my son goes to bed he wants to hang out and smoke a joint together. However, this last time he came to drop our son off, he got really sore at me because one of our mutual friends had sent him pictures of a conversation I had with them. In the conversation, I had Said that my husband and this girl are in a codependent cabal, and the only thing that they have in common are poor morals and bad teeth. He was upset by that but all of it was true. Now he refuses to see me or communicate with me. He told me that he wants to be friends but I can't say mean stuff like that. However, he says a bunch of mean things to me all the time about me being a horrible wife and how perfect this new woman is. Both of us want to be friends for the benefit of our son, but I just don't think I have it in me. He always says things to me to make me feel low, and he acts like I should just be over it even though it hasn't even been a month yet.
My life has completely changed and I feel so much grief over the life I thought I had, the partner I thought I had, and the future that I thought I had. It feels like a devil has crawled into his skin and is walking around pretending to be him. I feel so much resentment being left to pick up the pieces of our life and to hold everything together for our son. He gets to go run away and fuck someone new, while I have to be strong and stoic. I don't understand how I can be friends with someone who's hurt me so much and has cared so little. He's going to miss out on so much of our son's life and he doesn't even care. He's just convinced himself that life with me would be miserable. Even though we had so many good times together, and I had always tried my hardest to make him happy and to make sure our family's needs were met. He didn't even want to go to therapy and he didn't even want to try to start things over by dating me again. I'm just so disappointed.
I don't know where to go from here. I am definitely talking to a divorce lawyer. I worry about whether or not he's using drugs, and whether or not he'd be safe around our son. I definitely don't want this woman around our son and he doesn't see the big deal with it. Should I just cut him out of my life? Should I cut him out of my son's life? Should I try to be friends with him? It's all so hard because it's just all so shocking and I still love him. Part of me wants to reconcile but also part of me is starting to realize how easy my life is without him around. He's also also kept trying to make reconciliation not an option. What should I do?

Im researching it right now. Was driving on the highway, my teeth started vibrating so i pulled over and called my mom, she didn't answer, and then my whole body started to vibrate, and before i knew it my hands were pinned to my chest and i was on the phone with 911. Thank god for Siri, there was no chance i could've dialed. My hands looked exactly as this person https://imgur.com/a/ayF83 posted a picture of, and circulation was totally cut off there. I couldn't move shit . barley could move my mouth. im still so discombobulated typing this its been a few hours. I'm kind of confused. read some other people's testimony and they all said they could not breathe, but i was totally fine on breathing. very convineietyly my chest wasn't feeling tight, my nostrils were wide open, and my breathing was very good. that honestly was probably the difference of me not having to get in the ambulance. i as able to clearly speak to the 911 operator. told them the mile marker i was at, what my car looked like, but i did at one point believe i was going to pass out. I wanted to pass out, and just wake up in a bed feeling better, but after closing my eyes for a minute or so i felt alert enough to communicate again. by the time state troopers got there i could move my legs so i used my foot to unlock the door. talked to them for a bit and i slowly but surley started to get my extremeties back. i talked to the paramedics and all them nah i dont do narcotics nah idont be on nictine nah i didnt smoke weed today (even though i told tem im coming from my frinds house sounded so sus) if i wasn't a clean looking 18 year old they would've thogut i was a tweaker. within like half an hour my mom had picked me up bc i called her and my dad. ultimatley i was okay. it's just strange. I don't have a history with anxiety, but the things that lead up to it are thiings that have happened often before. I'm about 99% that too much caffeine intake caused this. all my life since i started using caffeine (im not a daily user) ive been very careful about it. like no more than 180mg in a day thats the MAXIMUM. but today i went to starbucks in the morning with my girlfriend, i got a 16oz mocha frappe whcih i searched it up it has like 110 mg caff and then later in the day since i was driving so much and was getting tired i had a celcius (200mg caffeine) but had not been eating nearly enough. just one full meal. So yeah, sorry if this is the wrong sub for this since i don't have too much of a history with anxiety besides jittering when i need to focus, but i figure people like me in the future would be glad to find this post if they're searching on google like i was. i am a little nervous about getting in a car again. I've cancelled anything for the next few days that involves driving over like 20 mins. thanks for reading and any advice/tips/shared experiences would be appreciated!!!! PS - I forgot to mention what was going on before my tetth atrted vibrating and stuff.. i was having random moments of panic because i kept feelign randomly spacey. like i would take a breath and just forget to breathe out for too long and then exhale and just feel freaked out. that just kep happening until it all unfolded.

I (m24) have feelings for someone who’s married (f26). How do I know if I’m getting played?
Regardless of how shitty her husband is, or how she’s applying for new houses and “just wants to leave in peace” (her words), even though nothing has happened, I know I’m the bad guy. That’s not the question. In all honesty, I really just need to vent and don’t know where else to go.
A few weeks ago I was talking to someone I’ve known, worked with and liked for a while about life. Quickly came up (and I’ve known for a while) that she wants to leave her husband, and for god knows what reason I saw an opportunity. We started talking more for a few days, she added me on more social media and we spent an afternoon together, just driving around, going to the mall and enjoying the day. Honestly normal friend stuff. Didn’t really think much of it on her end, but on mine I was still crushed to see a ring on her finger and a picture of the husband in her car. As time goes on though conversations have been a bit flirtier, a lot more frequent (at this point pretty much all day), and just a lot more like a relationship. She’s mentioned that she’s told her husband she wants to separate but it’s hard to find a place where we live right now.
We’ve hung out more since then too. Went on a bit of a nature trip and then to another town with her and her friend. When I realized that maybe feelings were mutual was when her friend was making a few comments. Asking which of the two of us were older, a comment about how I held the door for her, idk. Just some things that made me think maybe she’s talked to her friend about me in a way that’s more than friends.
The other night I stopped to see her as she was leaving work and we were talking more. The ring was gone, picture of her husband was nowhere to be seen. As I was leaving she gave me a hug that was again, a lot longer than a normal friendly hug. I stuck around and talked for a bit longer and something was said about not kissing her because we’re on camera in the parking lot. Boom. I know for absolute certainty the feelings are there too.
Today was a strange day. She said her husband went through her phone today so she deleted me on a few socials (added me back immediately after). I asked why he went through her phone, especially if they’re separating. “He always does.” It honestly checks out. I’ve never met the dude but from other people and not just her, he’s manipulative and controlling. She stopped by to see me today and we were talking for a bit, she wanted to do something and not go home because she doesn’t ever want to be there. We talked for about 10-15 minutes just figuring out something we could do because it was late and most places were closed. Abruptly she said that she needed to go home. Her husband texted her and asked where she was and she said “home.” But around the same time the husband’s sister texted her a picture of her car where we were. I tried to go for a kiss this time and she said she couldn’t because she’s “not single yet.” At that point it all kind of hit me at once. She is still there, living with her husband. I don’t really know for sure what kind of relationship they have, I can only assume it’s pretty negative. But in the couple of weeks we’ve spent talking she still goes home every night, presumably sleeping in the same bed as him. I’m not hidden to friends but for sure hidden from him, he’s confronted her about me even before there was really even anything happening. But it crushed me because I realized for sure that I have feelings. Am I getting played? Will she ever leave him? Obviously the second question is rhetorical but if anyone has advice I’m all ears. At this point I’m just scared that I’m going to be hurt in the end

This kid absolutely crushed my parked car. Like it sent it flying up into the front yard of my house. I wish I could post the pictures.
Thankfully it didn't smash through my bedroom wall. I woke up to this crash. I'm having trouble sleeping in my room. I feel anxious when I'm at home. My doctor has diagnosed it as a post traumatic reaction and wrote some trazadone for sleep and hydroxyzine for the increase in anxiety.
Can I get emotional damages out of my auto claim even though I wasn't in the car? I don't feel safe at home and I've had to book extra counseling sessions.
I wasn't going to go after them for this but his bitch mom has been posting in our neighborhood about how I tried to kill her son by illegally parking. No. I was legally parked on the curb he's just needs to slow down when he drives. She then started threatening me after I laugh reacted to one of her posts. So I filed and was granted an order of protection.

Throwaway account for what will be obvious reasons, and apologies, but this is longer than intended.
I (38F) have recently decided to dip my toes back in to the flaming cesspool that is dating in this modern age. I joined an app, matched with a few guys, talked with a few less, and had a dinner date last night with F (40M) who I felt like I was vibing with via text.
F and I had agreed to meet last night at a nice but not stupidly-expensive steakhouse in a popular upscale district downtown. I had originally planned on driving my Jeep, but it has been at the shop for maintenance and they still hadn't finished by COB Friday. I live too far out of town for Uber to be reliable, so I decided to have fun and drive my new car that was just delivered this week. I got to the restaurant 45 minutes early, valet-parked (I would have done this with the Jeep too, parking in this district is a complete nightmare), and walked down the block to a stationary/book binding boutique I love to pick up a few things. When I walked back to the restaurant to meet F I was a little surprised to see my car was still parked out front of the restaurant in one of the reserved spots instead of being moved back to the designated lot. I asked and found out that the valet company policy was for any car over a certain value threshold be left in the reserved spots out front both to keep an eye on them, and so that the company wouldn't have the liability of a valet potentially damaging them driving. That made perfect sense to me, so I didn't ask them to move it to the back.
F met me at the host stand and after about five minutes got seated at our table. Hilariously to me, we got seated next to the window looking directly out at my car.
Dinner started off... ok? F started off pretty affable, but started making little comments early on about my dress, and what I ordered and how I wanted my steak cooked - he tried to insist to our server that I really wanted medium when I had ordered my steak cooked blue. I joked to the server that when I said I wanted my steak blue (for those who don't know, "blue" is extra-rare), that that might actually be too well-done for me, better just bring it out raw. The server laughed, but F was quiet.
Conversation after that was pretty one-sided. He did ask me "what do you do for a job" (my standard answer is working at an animal sanctuary. It's not technically a lie...), which he scoffed at and made a comment about how I "must not make any money doing that" and "are you sure you can cover your bill here?". I laughed it off, but definitely found it rude.
Once I asked him about his job he completely took over the conversation. He went on ad nauseam about his job in finance at a major corporation, but once he started in about what a great investment crypto is I knew for sure he wasn't getting a second date. Honestly, it felt like I was talking to someone completely different than who I had been texting, and I was not a fan.
I had ordered desert to go, when for some reason, probably trying to impress me? F pointed out the window at what just so happened to be MY car, saying that he was doing so well in crypto he had just picked it up at the dealership, and was getting another next week just because he could.
Now some important backstory: in my very early 20s I won a significant lottery jackpot. Initially I absolutely went stupid and was spending money like an asshole, but after a few months one of my uncle's (a self-made multi-millionaire) sat me down, made me run the numbers with him, and showed me how if I kept doing what I was doing I would be broke before I was 40. He helped me get a good financial planner, and to make long-term plans. As a result over time I've still been able to have and do pretty much whatever I want as long as I don't decide to do something stupid like have a jet for every week of the year, and my money has actually grown. I've helped my close friend's and family out (and only gotten burned once), invest in local small businesses, and donate to charities that mean something to me.
I now live on a large farm outside of our major Midwestern city. And while I do travel all around the world, I spend the majority of my time training and showing horses, as well as providing homes for horses that have been rescued from the slaughter pipeline and can't be repurposed back to work, or retired show horses that need a soft spot to land (and various other animals, like pigs, alpacas, and an absolute hoard of chickens. Someone offered me a giraffe once, and I had to politely decline). And yes, I do actually do a lot of the hands-on work myself, although I have other people who clean the stalls and help with the general caretaking of the retired crowd, which is why it's not really lying when I say I 'work at an animal sanctuary'.
Now don't get me wrong, I absolutely love the finer things in life like the latest tech and designer clothes, bags, and shoes, but as I've matured I tend to not go for the flashy "logo" option. Except for one thing...
I love fast cars. My daily-driver is a Jeep that I've had for 10 years, and I have a big truck for farm stuff (I didn't drive it to dinner because it is huge and will not fit in any of the garages downtown), but I also have a small collection of late-model Lamborghinis, starting with the Murcielago I bought during my "asshole spending" phase. I also have a Gallardo, an Aventador, a Huracan, and this week I finally had my Revuelto delivered after ordering it more than a year ago. The Revuelto is what I decided to drive to my date, because I just couldn't resist the excuse to drive the new toy.
Now, back to F trying to claim my car as his. On my best day I am a sarcastic bitch, and this opportunity was too much for me to pass up. I started playing along, asking him "omg, isnt that a Lambor-jeenie Hurricane?", which he confirmed it was, and "would he take me for a ride in it after dinner?" He said maybe on our second date he would.
Basically for the next 10 minutes until we settled our checks he bullshitted his way through my questions about the "Hurricane", and how he could help me invest in crypto so I could have nice things too, and "get some nicer clothes from somewhere better than Target, because my girlfriend should only wear designer". For the record, I love Target and have a lot of clothes from there, but I was wearing a dress from The Row to dinner and my bag and shoes were designer as well, just without obvious logos for him to pick up on.
We walked out of the restaurant together and he made a show of telling me and anyone who would listen (there was a small crowd looking at my car and taking pictures with it, which is fine with me as long as they dont lean/sit on it) that he had an errand to run and would be picking his car up from the valet later, but he would wait with me until my car got brought up. I agreed, walked away to the valet stand to pay my ticket, tip, and collect my keys. Then I walked over to my car, and watched his jaw hit the pavement as I opened the door. I said "by the way F, it's a Revuelto, definitely not a "hurricane", and not even a Huracan, but I have one of those too". Some of the people who had been looking at my car were laughing at F as I got in and drove off.
I had 17 texts when I got home from F, berating me for embarrassing him in front of people because I didn't tell him it was my car from the beginning. He also called me a fat bitch after I pointed out he never should have tried to say it was his in the first place and declined his invite to a second date...
Tl;dr I went on a date with a crypto-bro who didn't know I drove a Lamborghini, and he tried to pretend my car was his to impress me.
So AITA for letting him pretend my car was his, and then publicly showing him it wasn't?

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/Complex-Wing7114
I have 2 weeks to get away from my husband
Originally posted to offmychest
Thanks to u/soayherder for suggesting this BoRU
Previous BoRU
TRIGGER WARNING: controlling behavior, threats, abusive behavior, stalking, assault, physical violence, gaslighting
Original Post Apr 27, 2024
Throwaway account as my husband and In-laws are follow my main. I, 29 F, have been married to my husband, 30 m, who I'll call Alex. Alex and I met in college during our freshman year. We started off as just friends, and got married seven months ago. I've gotten along with his family, but we aren't super close but we're friendly enough. The problem is that Alex has begun to make me incredibly uncomfortable.
Firstly, he's begun to ask me who I'm meeting with, where, what we plan on doing, how long every single time I leave the house without him. At first, I just thought he was being protective and a good partner just in case something happened, but then he started checking my phone after the visits, vetting and researching each of my friends as well.
He also has been pursuing me to link my bank account to his, as he's "in charge" of the finances when he was perfectly fine with keeping them separate before. We fight about it almost every day.
Finally, yesterday when he was preparing to go on a work trip for two weeks in California, he demanded I wear a tracker so he could keep and eye on me while he's gone. I can't do this anymore, I feel like I'm suffocating and his family who I've spoken to about his worrying behavior just said he's being careful and protective as a good husband should. I need to gather my things together and find a way to be gone before he gets home without tipping him off.
He's always threatened that if he ever found me cheating on him he'd turn in divorce papers the same day. He keeps a filled out copy in his desk. I'm going to submit those the day I leave. But there's so much to do, bergen finding a new place to live, seeing if my job has any transfers available, packing and moving in two weeks. His return flight May 11th, so I need to move quickly. I'm posting here because I don't have any close family, and I can't risk dragging my friends into this as we share the same friends.I just needed a place to vent, and ask if anyone has any advice on the easiest and safest way to do this?
Edit: oh my god you guys are amazing! I never even thought to not use his divorce papers. I'll check for cameras before I start any packing or prepping. I may also shred his divorce papers just in case and look into getting a lawyer for myself. I'm in a no fault divorce state, that much I so remember which will help. I'll update again when I know more. The tracker he wants me to use is a small clip to put on the belt or waistband. I'll wear it unless I'm going or doing something related to me leaving. No pets yet thankfully.
Update Apr 28, 2024
So I've gotten a lot of support and helpful advice along with questions I thought I should clarify before I proceed with the update. Some asked why I'd be 'hiding' things from Alex regarding going out and who I'm meeting with. I don't, and I have nothing to hide. However when he begins to then double check everything I tell him with the other people there right down to each person I talked to and what I said. Did I send any text msgs, did I order food, how much did I eat, that's when it started to feel like I was slowly being pushed into a corner. It didn't start that bad, but gradually grew worse overtime.
All of the Reddit subs my in-law's families are part of are related gardening and diy so I highly doubt they'll see this, if so by the time they do, I'll hopefully be gone. I talked to my job and explained things to my manager. And they promised to look into openings in other states to see if they could get me into one. They'll have an update on that in three days. I trust that my bank account us secured, considering he's tried to get into it before and failed. I found one camera in the kitchen, another in the living room and one in our bedroom. As such, I've left them in place for now and done all other planning, either in the bathroom pretending I'm taking a bath.
I'm honestly staying away from the domestic violence services as my sister-in-law is unfortunately higher up in those considering she volunteers there and I have a feeling if I did show up there, they would know in a heartbeat. I can't look for apartments until I get the update from my work, but either or i'm still gonna be leaving the state. The day before I do I will be changing my number carrier and wiping my laptop and all of his electronics before I do.
I've met with 2 lawyers so far and had them look over the paperwork. My husband had prepared and both said that it did it have some clauses in it. That could have caused me some trouble down the line. What alarmed all of us close the fact that several of those clauses dealt with future children, and not as a hypothetical. Like several hair suggested I have a feeling he fully intended on getting me pregnant to keep me trapped and tied to him.
There are 3 other locations. My job could send me to and I have. As a precaution Begun looking into all 3 cities and housing in the areas. Just in case one of those, this is the one they send me to. Even if they don't have an opening that they can push me into then I will just have to quit, move and figure things out on my own. I have enough money to live and survive for a few months until I can pick up another job.
Unfortunately all of our friends are mutuals and would likely be unaware of the consequences of saying or sharing anything I do or say with my husband. I don't have any surviving close family and obviously my in laws are not a good resource to rely on. I am on my own unfortunately, other than the wonderful bonds, i've begun to make here. I will update again if I get more information or something else happens. Otherwise all update when my work gets back to me. I do plan on leaving before he returns, though. Just to make sure that i'm not anywhere near here at that time.
Update 2 Apr 30, 2024
Good news! My work has an opening I qualify for that will not only shift me across the country, but also comes with a salary increase as well. I've started telling my in laws and friends that I'm planning a surprise outing for when my husband gets back for just the two of us. This way, people don't give me odd looks if they see me out and about. I've even gone as far as asking MIL to show me his favorite recipes.
Meanwhile, I've found a moving company that while small is willing to work in a storm. The reason is in five days, we're supposed to get hit with a large storm front. I plan to shut off the breaker and say we lost power if he asks just as several people here suggested and even send him a short clip of the storm.
I will have all of my stuff moved that afternoon, and I will be flying out once the weather has cleared enough to do so. I have a lawyer who will push my divorce through, and I've filled out the necessary paperwork so that I don't have to be here for it. I'm not suing for assets or alimony and I've shredded his divorce papers as well. I've set up a cheap payphone plan through cricket until this is all said and done at which point I will find a new carrier, number and phone. This one is being wiped and left behind.
My laptop is provided by my work, and the IT department inspected it thoroughly and it was clean thankfully. No other electronic aside from my laptop and new phone will be coming with me. If alex needs to talk to me, he can do it through my lawyer. Not sure if anything else will happen, my fingers are crossed that he doesn't think anythings amiss until after I leave - and I'm not turning the breaker back on when I do. He can when he gets home. My work is covering the plane ticket, so that at least is one expense I don't have to finagle in.
Update 3 May 7, 2024
Update 3: I have 2 weeks to get away from my husband.
It's been a busy week, but I've gotten so much done. Firstly, I am now out of the house and am currently in a hotel while I look for an apartment. It's a big city, bustling with people no matter where you look. We had a pretty bad storm system hit back home, that actually lasted two days. High winds, thunder, lightning and even hail everywhere. I didn't take much from the house, my documents, clothes and important sentimental items. I left all of the furniture and electronics behind. I cleaned the house top to bottom and took pictures on my phone so he couldn't claim I damaged anything when I left.
My lawyer has already started divorce proceedings, and my husband will be served on the 8th. His plane is due to land early morning, and the sheriff will be there at the house waiting for him. He is very much about public appearances and reputation. My lawyer will be calling him as well to inform him that I am more than willing to air out everything to the public about his actions if it means securing my freedom from him. I will go to court as long as I must to get this pushed through.
I haven't told our friends or his in-laws yet, I will do that while he is on the flight to prevent him from getting wind of it before he's handed the divorce papers. I will be calling around and explaining why we're getting divorced, to try and prevent him from twisting this into somehow being my fault. I don't want him trying to claim I had an affair or something so I want to get the truth out before he can twist this.
I'm... doing okay. I'm tired, but yet I feel almost jittery and off-kilter. I keep looking over my shoulder and monitoring what I say even when I don't really need to anymore. Hopefully that will fade soon. My work is covering the cost of the hotel, and I'm working on getting my other things in order. I also need to find a new GP as I want to get a full test just to make sure everything is okay. I don't know when my next update will be, probably when the divorce papers are filed or if we have to go to court to push them through. I will try to keep my head up, but it feels like I'm in a whirlwind or something with so many things to do and think about. I kinda thought it would be easier once I got out of the house but while the fear is smaller, somehow the number of tasks only seems to have grown.
Update 4 May 14, 2024
Sorry I haven't updated for a while, things got hectic and a bit chaotic honestly. Firstly, I'm working on getting an apartment still and have applications in at three different places and will hopefully hear back from them soon. I'm still going into work here at the new location, so I don't have to worry about burning through my emergency savings completely. I've gotten a lot of emails from Alex, his family and our old friend group asking question after question. I have only sent one return email to Alex, explaining that I don't believe we are truly compatible, and it is best we separate now. That his treatment of me when I'd done nothing to deserve as such was just as much of a deal breaker as cheating was for him.
I ended the email with the statement that I would not be contacting him further and anything else he needed to pass on to me or vice versa would be done through my lawyer. For his family and friends, I just typed up one email outlining everything that had happened and why I left. I told them I wished them no ill will, but that such treatment of his wife and partner was not acceptable. That should Alex get remarried in the future, I wished they would help support both partners and not just Alex.
Alex, from what my lawyer told me, was livid when he was served. The sheriff actually ended up booking him for assault on an officer and menacing due to the threats he was shouting. His father bailed him out in a few hours, but with the testimony of the sheriff, my lawyer believes I have a very good chance at getting a restraining order. Alex, upon returning to the house, apparently lost his temper again, breaking the dining table into pieces as well as the tv, and putting several holes in the walls. At least that's what one of the emails from one of our friends reported as Alex called him to help him clean up the mess.
My lawyer already has pictures of the house I took, with timestamps as evidence nothing had been damaged by me. My friend reported that Alex tried to claim I'd been the one to trash the house but the holes in the wall were at head height - Alex is 6'3", and I'm 5'4" so he knew that was false. Either way, taking the pictures definitely will help me so again thank you everyone here for the advice because I never would have thought of that on my own. My work won't share details of where I am, as I do work with some higher end clientele who value security and that information won't be gossiped about and no, I'm not some stripper or escort. I deal with contracts, notary and business management. As such, even if Alex tried to use my work to find me, he wouldn't succeed.

NEW UPDATE

Update on leaving May 26, 2024
It’s been a little bit, and I thought I’d answer some questions before giving my update. It may be a while after this until things change.
Firstly, No I didn’t bring my car. The public transport here is good enough to use without needing one. I have secured an apartment, and the building has good security. You need a key card to enter, and there is a security guard at a desk right by the entrance to the building. As part of my contract, I gave them a photo of Alex and his family so that even in the off chance they do find me, they won’t be let in.
The responses I got from the emails varied. His family said I was overreacting, and that I owe Alex an apology for the problems this has caused him. The pending criminal charges puts him at risk of losing his job if he’s convicted. Alex sent a long email, apologizing and pleading for me to come home. He said he was worried for me, that he is willing to go to therapy if it will appease me. He wants us to remain together, and he didn’t think leaving was an appropriate response to his genuine concern and worry for my health and safety. The friends gave somewhat lacking replies, saying that they didn’t think Alex was ever going to hurt me and that I shouldn’t be letting my imagination run away wild. As much as I want to say I was surprised by the lack of support, I’m honestly not.
He intends to fight the divorce. I am letting my lawyer handle it, and I am also pursuing a protective order as well. Once I got approved for my apartment, I also froze my credit. I’ve changed my phone carrier and number, as well as making sure none of my documents list Alex as next of kin or POA.
Some have asked why I was so paranoid about Alex and his possible future actions. The answer for that actually is somewhat simple – my grandmother. I loved that woman to bits. As a teen, she explained why my grandfather was never around. He was extremely abusive and manipulative, and her generation didn’t allow divorce really. She wouldn’t have been able to buy a house or get a good enough job to support her and my mother on her own. As such, she endured it, shielded my mom as she could until my grandfather died. When I felt like I may have been overreacting, I remembered how she’d said she’d always wished she’d been able to see grandfather for what he was early on when she may have been able to annul the marriage.
I don’t know when I’ll update again, maybe when the divorce goes through or if something big happens but until then, I’m just trying to keep my head above the water.
THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP
DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7

I 30F am reaching out for advice regarding a situation with a friend/co-worker 29M. Has anyone dealt with similar situations and how have you handled them?
(He is married and I'm in a happy long term relationship. I also never felt like he was romantically interested in me.)
I’ve been facing some medical challenges recently, which have been very difficult and stressful. On top of that, a friend that I met at work a few years ago has been crossing boundaries in ways that make me feel very uncomfortable. He has been stalking me online, even finding my main Reddit account, which apparently he watches nearly daily for posts or comments. (I thought I was pretty safe with my socials, but he has found accounts from when I was 13-14 as well). He has drove past my house, taking pictures of me without my knowledge, and writing down any information he can find about me. He has an album of pictures and a notepad file saved in his phone (including info on my friends/family, my blood type, the car I drive, license plate #, etc.) These things have been going on for a while and I’ve tried to end our friendship multiple times but with my medical stressors, I just feel like I can’t take it anymore. Recently, he even made a mistake at work, which he never does, and I suspect it was a way to ensure I would contact him about it since I audit.
If he finds out I hung out with another friend, he gets jealous and acts like he wants to be the only person I see. This behavior has made me feel claustrophobic and trapped. I also feel guilty no longer wanting to be friends with him because of how supportive he is. I tried talking to him about some of these things and he will either start doing them again or will unconvincingly say “I’ll try not to.” And no, I do not wish to ruin his life by talking to management or HR. I just want my life back.
TLDR: Dealing with a friend/co-worker who is stalking me online, driving past my house, taking secret pictures, and gathering personal info. This behavior, along with a possibly manipulative mistake at work, is causing me a lot of stress. I need advice on how to firmly but respectfully end the friendship and set boundaries for my safety and well-being.

long story short, my first ever boyfriend was long distance, i ran away to meet him at 17, multiple times in the relationship i would try to break up with him because he made me cut off my friends, but would stay friends with people that i was uncomfortable with, but he would convince me not to leave with, his mom left when he was 3 so i always felt incline to do "wifey duties". he didnt have a job, i would pay his phone bill, and drive him around everywhere cause he didnt have a car. we were together for 2-ish years, so he also took my virginity. He grew up poor so i felt bad and i was in love so i let him convince me to do all this stuff.
turns out he was cheating on me for almost 6 months with his cousin. i was so heartbroken and i feel like i lost my mind for a sec but wanted so bad to know that it wasnt me! so i let him excessively have sex with me. ended up pregnant. i was doing my best to get ready, got a new job at a daycare (for the free childcare), he FINALLY got a job but thats it. hes very pro-life and didnt want his kid to grow up in a broken home, but i was still waiting for him to change, to be more mature, and get ready for this next chapter, i got an abortion at exactly 11 weeks, the cut off for a medication abortion, till the very last second, i waited for him to change or try but nothing. He wanted to NOW start working on the relationship, but i was mourning my baby, he broke my trust and i could NOT picture a life with him anymore. i kicked him out, he moved in with his coworkers but we were occasionally seeing eachother while he was talking to other girls (plural). One of them was LONG DISTANCE and he started talking to her pretty seriously while he was still hanging out with me. i recently found out that hes back in contact with his cousin, he still doesnt have a car, and i find out that hes gonna move to her state.
SOUND FAMILIAR??
But anyways.... he still wants to stay in contact, just feels like hes repeating history with his new girlfriend (DISTRACTION like he called her). just hope shes not as dumb as me (and is on birth control)

I am currently taking paypal for games, you always go first and cover fees
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I am currently taking paypal for games, you always go first and cover fees
For game trades, you always go first and message me, usually it takes me about 1-2 days to get back to you at the latest
My Rep Page has not been updated in about 5 years, but I have a lot of trades finished
Bolded items are just the ones I would like to consider keeping so don't feel as though you need to offer more for the game
Wants
Oneshot
Subnautica
Stellaris (and dlc)
Fallout 4
Wishlist Items
Have
A Plague Tale: Innocence
ADOM (ANCIENT DOMAINS OF MYSTERY)
Bridge Constructor Portal
Chivalry 2 - Epic Edition
Deep Rock Galactic
Disco Elysium - The Final Cut
Doom Eternal
Elite Dangerous
Endless Space 2 - Digital Deluxe Edition
Ghostrunner
Honey I Joined a Cult
Lost Ruins
Mass Effect Legendary Edition (temporarily unavailable)
MONSTER TRAIN (FIRST CLASS - COLLECTORS EDITION)
OUTWARD + THE SOROBOREANS AND OUTWARD SOUNDTRACK
PATHFINDER: WRATH OF THE RIGHTEOUS
Rebel Inc: Escalation
REMNANT: FROM THE ASHES - COMPLETE EDITION
SCP:Secret Files
SHOTGUN KING: THE FINAL CHECKMATE
Songs of Conquest
Spyro™ Reignited Trilogy
Surviving Mars
THE OUTER WORLDS: SPACER'S CHOICE EDITION
Thronebreaker: The Witcher Tales
VALKYRIA CHRONICLES 4 COMPLETE EDITION
Yakuza 4 Remastered
20XX
7 Grand Steps

observer (x3)

A Good Snowman is Hard to Build
A Juggler's Tale
A Mortician's Tale
A New Beginning - Final Cut
Aaero
Aces and Adventures
AER Memories of Old (x2)
Age of Wonders III
Ageless
Agents of Mayhem
AI War: Fleet Command
Alien Spidy
Aliens:Fireteam Elite
Alina of the Arena
All You Can Eat
Aragami 2
Arcade Paradise
Army Men RTS
Ashes of the Singularity: Escalation (x2)
Assassin's Creed® Origins
Assault Android Cactus
Atom RPG Trudograd
Atomicrops
AUTONAUTS VS PIRATEBOTS
Backbone
Bad End Theater
Banner Saga Trilogy - Deluxe Pack
Banners of Ruin
Bastion (x2)
Batman Arkham Origins (x2)
Battle Chef Brigade
Beacon Pines
Beat Hazard Ultra
Bee Simulator
Before Your Eyes
BEHIND THE FRAME: THE FINEST SCENERY
Beholder
BENDY AND THE DARK REVIVAL
Beneath Oresa
Between the Stars
Beyond a Steel Sky
Binary Domain
Bioshock Remastered
BioShock: The Collection
Biped
Black Book
Blade Assault
Blasphemous
Blazing Beaks
Bleed 2
Bloodstained®︎: Ritual of the Night
Bone - Episode 1 & Episode 2
Boomerang Fu (x3)
Borderlands 3 Super Deluxe
Boreal Blade
Boyfriend Dungeon
Broken Age (x2)
Brothers: A Tale of Two Sons
Brutal Legend
BUILDER SIMULATOR
Burly Men At Sea (x2)
Bury Me, My Love
Celeste
Chasm
Chicken Police
Children of Silentown
CHUCHEL Cherry Edition (x2)
CivCity: Rome
Coffee Talk
COMMAND & CONQUER REMASTERED COLLECTION
Company of Heroes 2 + Company of Heroes 2 - Whale and Dolphin Conservation Charity Pattern Pack
Conan Chop Chop
CONTROL STANDARD EDITION (Steam or Epic Games)
COOK, SERVE, DELICIOUS! 3
Coromon
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YOU DON'T KNOW JACK MOVIES

I, 29, female, married my 32, male, husband 3 years ago.
I met my husband about 6 years ago while I was in my last year in university and he was in the workforce. I attended university in my home state. I lived on campus and had an on-campus job working as a barista. During my last year, I met a new co-worker named Alex, male, who I quickly became friends with. Alex was one year below me and lived 30 minutes away from my hometown. Most of my coworkers were pretty close so it was not unusual for us to spend in between class time together, or even spend the night at each others dorm rooms. Nothing sexual, just movies, junk food, and good vibes.
Prior to meeting my now husband, I was pretty deep into the online dating scene but was growing very tired of the charades. I frequently told Alex about my endeavors and he would often offer me good advice on the dating scene. Alex had recently broken up with his girlfriend of 4 years so we kind of understood each other in that way. Early on in our friendship, we both established that we were not interested in each other, and only liked each other as friends.
Alex and I told each other everything. We talked about of pasts, about our dreams, and everything in between. We spent countless shifts together and spent many hours binge-watching our favorite tv shows.
At the beginning of the spring semester, my 6- month long situationship broke it off with me, and I was devastated. I confided in Alex and cried all night long in his dorm room. For some reason, his attitude and tone were different that night. He was judging me for online dating and being sexually active outside of a relationship. He told me, "this is the reason that I don't have sex with a girl I'm not dating, because then they become attached." I was so devastated at the break up and even more with Alex's words. I did not have the courage to tell him that his words were hurting me.
Fast forward to a few weeks later, I met my now husband online. Things were great, and as my relationship with my husband grew, I slowly stepped away from my university friendships and with Alex. Alex never met my husband while we were in university as my husband lived about an hour away, but he heard all of the stories, and followed along on social media. Alex was very supportive the whole way through.
As the school year came to an end, I prepared myself for the usual end of school year rituals. Since Alex was not graduating with me and our other friends, I did not see him much. But since we lived only 30 minutes away from each other, I knew we would stay in touch. Right before graduation, Alex congratulated me on finishing my studies and finding a great man. This was the first time of the many times he would remind me of "the night you cried all night in my dorm room." I was shocked to say the least. Again, I did not have the courage to speak up about how his actions then, and now, were hurtful.
I graduated and began my first job soon after. Alex and I met for lunch a few times that year before he told me he would be moving to the other side of the country with his best friend after graduation. We said our good byes and he promised he would be back.
That year I moved in with my husband, and the next year we got engaged. Alex and I occasionally video called and messaged each other. When Alex finally came back into town, he made it a point to come see us in our new home and to celebrate us. At this point, it had been two years since Alex and I were baristas together in university. Naturally we drifted apart, but we were still friends. It was really nice to see him, but I no longer felt the same companionship I felt with him in university. Alex had mentioned that when my husband and I would get married, he would love to attend as my "brother." I found this title to be very odd as I do have three older brothers, all of whom I am very close to. But Alex explained that his relationship with his sisters was very strained, and he saw me as a sister. So I let it slide even though I was not so comfortable with calling him my brother.
Over the next two years, Alex and I really drifted apart. We rarely talked and when we did, it was usually just when he complimented my outfit or makeup on a picture I'd post. I did think it was a bit flirtatious, but I did not pay too much mind to it. After all we were friends, and I was his "sister."
Soon enough my husband and I picked a wedding date and announced our bridal party. One day, Alex calls me up and asks for the wedding details so he can fly in for our wedding. At this time, I really did not want to invite Alex to the wedding as I did not view Alex in the same way anymore. I could only invite such few friends as my husband and I both have large families and it felt like inviting him was cutting into our guest list. I invited some friends from university but none of our mutual barista friends. I could not gain the courage to tell him the truth, so I invited Alex to the wedding and the rehearsal dinner. I did state that he was not allowed a plus-one due to the aforementioned guest-list restraints; a decision I live to regret.
Since Alex still had relatives close by to my hometown (where the wedding was to be held), I knew him coming for the wedding would not be a big deal since his lodging and day-to-day schedule would most likely be with his family. Alex flew in 5 days before the wedding and insisted on spending atleast two nights at my house. That was the last thing I wanted to do during the week of my wedding. I convinced myself that Alex flew all the way across the country for my wedding, and the least I could do was spend some extra time with him. I was able to bring Alex down to one night as I had a very busy week scheduled with the rehearsal dinner on Friday night and the wedding on Saturday. Alex spent Wednesday night at my house where he, my husband, and I spent the night sharing two bottles of wine and playing board games. Alex was visibly more drunk than we were. Before the end of the night, Alex started falling over and tossing around some vintage collectibles I kept in my dining room as decor. I quickly brought him to our guest room, where I asked him to stay put for the rest of the evening. Alex left early the next morning without saying much. I was relieved to have him gone.
The rehearsal dinner came and went and Alex was a great guest. He did not have too much to drink and mingled with our families. I introduced him to everyone as, Alex, a friend from university. However, he would quickly interject with, "her brother." I think most of our families saw I was uncomfortable with the term, and only referred to him as Alex. Wedding day came and my husband and I were happily wed before our families and friends. Only our bridal party and closest relatives were invited to the photoshopt following the ceremony, but somehow Alex also came along. I did not pay too much mind, and figured, he did not want to arrive to the reception alone.
At the time I did not know, but my husband's best man, Bryan, brought a bottle of liquor to share amongst the groomsmen. In an effort to not have Alex be alone, Bryan asked him to join them.
By the time we got to the reception, everything went well. We all had a great time and Alex and I danced a song. He was very emotional during the dance and again, reminded me about the night I cried in his dorm room. He told me how happy he was that I can go from that night, to my wedding night. At this point I was very annoyed as I could tell he was visibly drunk. Again, I would later find out that Bryan and Alex would sneak off during the reception to do shots.
At the end of the night I was fed up with Alex and planned on heading back to the hotel where the rest of the bridal party was staying. I said my goodbyes to Alex and thanked him for flying out to my wedding. During our goodbye, my bridesmaid, Jess, surprised me with the news of a surprise after party at her and her sister, Kim's place just 10 minutes away. Alex immediately insisted on coming along as my "brother." I absolutely did not want Alex to come to the after-party but I could not get him to go home. I also could not give him to someone else to take care of as he really did not know anyone else. I told Alex he could only come if someone came to pick him up and take him to the party as he was too drunk to drive his car. Alex agreed and called a relative to pick him up.
My husband and I arrived at the after-party hosted by Jess. I was so happy that the party was low-key with only a few drinks, food, and a light crowd. After all, I spent the past day and a half hosting. We were all enjoying ourselves when Alex walks through the front door. Alex appears even more drunk and is slurring his words. I am immediately embarrassed and even more so that I could not put my foot down and tell him to go home. I welcome Alex in to the main room of the house and sit him on a chair and bring him some water. I am watching Alex from a distance making sure he's not getting into trouble. Jess approaches me a little while into the party stating that Alex is making Kim, her sister, uncomfortable. She told me that Alex asked Kim to dance, but she respectfully declined citing she has a boyfriend and he is in the other room. Alex did not accept that answer and insisted she dance with him. I angrily approach Alex and told him to leave Kim alone.
I bring Alex to a seat close to me so I can keep a closer eye on him. At this point, my feet are swollen from a whole day's activities and I had a hard time unlacing the straps on my heels. I asked Bryan to help me loosen my heel straps as my husband was in another room. Once Bryan unloosens my heel straps, Alex immediately crawls up to me and starts massaging my feet. I am horrified as is Bryan and everyone else in the room. I immediately pull my feet back and Bryan helps Alex up and puts him back in the chair. My husband comes back into the room and I tell him I want to go back to the hotel. I ask my husband to call a ride share for Alex, when Bryan tells me he saw Alex pull up in his own car. I am immediately angered at Alex's decision to drive his car while drunk, but also mad at myself for not standing up to him. I tell Alex I am leaving and he needs to leave his car at Jess' and pick it up in the morning. Alex insists he will be leaving soon and not to worry. Jess looked at me in my distress and told me not to worry, and that she would make sure he gets in a rideshare. As my husband grabbed my coat, Alex looked at me and said, "when the love of your life gets married to someone else." I was so incredibly angry with Alex. I was embarrassed, I was shocked, and I was so disappointed. I don't know if Alex meant what he said, or if he was just drunk, but I had enough of Alex. I left Alex at the part and went home with my husband.
The next day, I woke up around noon to a text message from Alex, thanking me for a great party, and wishing to extend gratitude to Jess and Kim for their hospitality. I immediately phoned Jess to recap the rest of the party. Jess informed me that Alex did not take a ride share the night before. He spent the night at Jess' as he passed out on the living room floor. Jess, to not further distress me, ended the night early, and cleaned up the house. In the morning, Jess and Kim woke up to find Alex had left the house very early in the morning, but not without leaving behind a surprise for them. Alex had vomited all over the bathroom; missed the toilet as he went #2; had 💩 smeared on the bathroom rug; and to top it off, Alex left his 💩 stained boxers on the bathroom floor.
My jaw hit the floor. I could not process the level of disgust that I felt for Alex. I apologized profusely to Jess and Kim and offered to come clean up immediately. They knew it was not fault, but I felt absolutely horrible for inviting this man into their home.
From that moment on, I decided to ghost Alex. No matter how much anger I felt towards him, I did not feel it was worth my time. I wanted nothing to do with him. I didn't block him initially, I just ignored his calls and texts. He eventually reached out to my husband, and that's when I blocked him and asked my husband to do the same. I still feel bad about ghosting Alex, because a part of me feels he does not remember what happened, and I should give him some closure. The other part of me realizes he's a drunk and ruined parts of my wedding and did horrible things at my bridesmaid's house. I want to reach out sometimes, but then I remember that Jess and Kim had to clean up his 💩 smears. Idk, AITA for ghosting my "brother" after my wedding?

Two weeks ago, I went on a social (meetup) hike and ended up hitting it off with this girl who was new to town. She was from another country, had just finished her master's degree in a different state, and moved here for work. We talked the whole time; she showed me pictures on her phone and asked about other hikes around the area. She didn’t have a car yet because she had just moved and ended up taking an Uber to the event. Towards the end, I offered to give her a lift home as it was somewhat on my way. When I dropped her off, I failed to get her number because it was an abrupt goodbye since it was a gated neighborhood and I couldn’t park. I had no way of messaging her on Meetup either due to privacy settings.
Later that week, I looked her up on a different social site based on her name and our conversations. I figured, why not take the chance? It's unlikely I would see her again. On that platform, I invited her to another two hikes over the long weekend. She gave me her number and agreed to both of them!
The first hike was a group hike (more like a stroll along the river) and went well. We talked a lot, but it ended abruptly as others wanted to wrap it up early. When we got back to my car, she looked a little disappointed and hesitant. I asked if she wanted to walk around a bit more and she did. We ended up walking and talking for another hour in the evening before heading back. She was easy to talk to, it's amazing when another person puts as much effort into keeping the conversation alive and getting to know you as you are, it makes things much less awakward.
The second hike was just the two of us. I changed plans and mentioned walking along a different part of the river because it was shaded and my initial suggestion may have been too strenuous. The initial hike I had suggested had a bit of rock climbing and was going to be too hot. It wasn’t great; there were way too many mosquitoes, so after a few minutes, I suggested we try out a different trail. We drove to a different trail that was about 15 minutes away and it ended up being a nice evening. Very picturesque at sunset. She mentioned really liking the area.
She’s very into the outdoors, loves exploring, and enjoys going to quiet places in nature. It’s rare that I meet someone I really resonate with on that level, especially a woman. A lot of people claim to love nature, but few actually do. She kept asking about future hikes and asked me if I’ve ever been stargazing (I had previously mentioned wanting to see the Milky Way and mentioned some remote areas that were good for hiking and had very dark skies). Because of my hearing issues, I have a hard time going to loud places which limits the social activities I'm albe to do, but finding someone who loves nature and seemed enthusiastic to go on mini adventures with me seemed too perfect.
Anyway, I thought it went well all things considered, but when I dropped her off that evening, I mentioned doing something the next weekend and she told me, “I’m not sure if I’m free, but I’ll let you know.” I texted the following Friday with an open invitiation and she was too busy.
I’m not sure where I went wrong. I know people will say, “She was never into you to begin with”. Maybe that’s true, but I feel more like there was initial interest and I fucked it up like I always do. It’s vanishingly rare I connect with someone like this. I know how to hold an engaging conversation, but I just don’t know how to flirt, initiate touch, or show more romantic interest. Maybe she just thought of me as a friend. Maybe she decided I’m too old for her. Or maybe my indecision on the last hike or being too eager turned her off? I don’t know.
Not really looking for advice here, just venting really.
Edit: I made a similar post about frustrations and getting my hopes up with a girl I was friends with a couple years ago and was attacked for it. That poster has blocked me, but if you don't know me and this post offends you feel free to block me too.

Yesterday, I had my graduation ceremony. After years of university with absolutely no help besides occasional rides to the bus stop and, very rarely, to campus, I finally graduated. Here's what my parents have done in the lead-up to graduation and the day after instead of supporting me.
My parents spent months leading up to the graduation freaking out about how I'll get a job, trying to control my hair and clothing (even implying I'm ugly when I choose my own hair and clothing), harassing me to hand out business cards to everyone I meet (especially if the situation would be an immense faux pas), grilling me on if my grades are good, lecturing me relentlessly about how I need to keep in contact with people in my class and it's soooo important and would I like to hear about how my dad got a job through nepotism for the eightieth time, asking me questions they already know the answers to (Yes, I'm still talking to my former classmates. Yes, I know that you worked in the Yukon when you were 18. Yes, I know about your friend who worked in a weather station. Yes, I know you had to move to find a job in the 1980s. Yes, I am aware that it is a possibility I might have to move too. Yes, I know that it's okay to invite people over to the house, you've only "informed" me about a hundred times. Yes, I know that school is important.) Every single thing that they "inform" me about is something I have very clearly expressed that I understand, and is just thinly veiled criticism. But my dad needs to lecture more than he needs oxygen.
Just constant nitpicking, criticism, and nothing I ever did was enough. I couldn't even focus on grades, because they would in their own words "put pressure on" me to do what they wanted. To handle their emotions for them. They're obsessed with the idea that I would have to move to a tiny town or work in a coal mine to find a job, because I'm more highly educated than my dad (who dropped out of university despite having all expenses paid by his father), and because my dad worked in the Yukon for two summers. He will never shut up about that, and he even goes so far as to hold us hostage with implicit threat of a massive tantrum to listen to him tell us the story again and again and again and to show us pictures of the place he worked on Google maps and point to everything he remembers. Sometimes he can go on for half an hour just repeating himself over and over.
Last summer, my parents even went and took action without my knowledge or approval to try and get a job set up for me cleaning up a mine contaminated with arsenic in the middle of nowhere, NWT. They tried to guilt and shame me into it ("What are your plans instead? Do you have another job lined up? Because you need to have a job. You can't sit around all day." This coming almost literally one week into summer vacation after my second-last year of university, when I could be using my energy to find interesting co-ops or explore hobbies or travel, instead dealing with their harassment and obsession with trying to literally trap me in a fucking arsenic mine.) They went on and on, lectured me over and over, implied that I would be embarrassing my grandfather if I didn't go, and so on. Eventually they said "You can go work or get a certification", and I picked the certification, but then they got grumpy anyways, and every week for the entire summer they would ask "Are you still working on the certification?". Of course, dipsh*t. I've told you fifty times how long the program lasts.
They don't care about what I'm learning in class, don't care about my hobbies or interests, only care about my friends as either a means to get backdoored into a job or a "nice French Canadian woman" to have babies with. They don't care if I'm struggling, and are completely unavailable to help in any regard. Any request for help would result in a guilt trip. Even if I actually couldn't eat dinner with the family for one day because I had a test, my father would get raw emotions and I'd have to walk on eggshells for a few days. The one time I mentioned I was having trouble studying, instead of shutting up and no longer ranting in the main floor where I could hear him or turning the TV off, he just dragged a table into the unfurnished boiler room (without asking me) and then told me that I would have to study there. I wasn't allowed to choose not to, because he'd already set it up. Ironically, my anger at him did let me study pretty well for the one day that I was forced there. He tried to keep me there long-term because he thought it was just such a great idea, but I managed to trick him into thinking I didn't need help studying anymore, so I got to study at a desk with a light on it and flooring that wasn't bare cement. Hooray for the most minor victory imaginable.
In the months leading up to graduation, did they care about how hard I was working at my capstone project and offer support? Absolutely not! Did they care about how well my sleep quality was, how many times the cat woke me up because they didn't play with her enough or give her enough attention? Nope! Did they care about how exhausting it was to deal with their constant lectures on the same topics, and to have to give them affirmations ("Yes, you're right, that's right, good job, nice, very tasty, good work, oh really?, neat, that's cool, how'd you make that?, mhm, I agree, you're being reasonable, they're being ridiculous, that's crazy") a hundred times a day? Not even in the slightest!
We spend more time talking about my dad's college friends than about anything I or my brother care about.
Then, leading up to graduation. all I've gotten are the most humiliating, infuriating, insulting messages and lectures from my parents. I get almost daily emails and texts saying "You need to get a job, it's important to look for a job" despite the fact I've told them I am looking probably fifty times. Too cowardly to say it to my face. I've been texted literal links to a Google search for "[degree name] jobs [city]" more than once. Both my parents treat me like I don't listen, when I do. They treat me like I'm lazy, when I've put myself through university with no help even after they lied to me about giving me financial aid and made me out to be a bully demanding more money when all I did was say "alright" and then pay for it myself. They must have sternly given me a talking to about how "I'm not going to pay for university, you know that, right? You need to pay. Don't expect us to pay. Because we paid for your first semesters, you know that, right? We've already paid for enough." thirty times, even after I'd made the final payment. They treat me like I'm stupid when I have expressed understanding before. They treat me like I'm a bully while I always bend over backwards for them, just because I don't play my role as "surrogate mommy but this time I get to tell her what to do" well enough.
It feels like they're almost raising me into a replacement or surrogate parent. Like my dad wants me to be his mom or dad, except this time he gets to be in charge. And my mom wants me to be her mom, except this time when she freaks out or has her deer in headlights look, she'll get someone to step up and take care of everything for her. I distinctly remember having to comfort her even for things she did to me, like tell me that a pair of comfortable shoes I picked out was good and she'd get them, and then immediately scream "take it out, take it out!" after it was scanned at the register. I could not have been older than twelve. And for my dad, he always rants and raves to me exactly like he does to his parents, except without including blame for them sending him to boarding school and instead having tons of old "life updates" like where he worked when he was 18 and what music he liked to listen to in high school, stuff like that. Then he expects me to praise him or be interested like his parents never were (he always tells me that his parents only cared about his car when they called).
So now I graduated. All they had to say in the days coming up to it was to grill me on the time I'd have to be at the venue and the time I was planning to leave the house to get there on time, with a distinct air of "you're too lazy to think of this in advance and too stupid to figure it out without a plan". Of course, I had to answer this question probably five times, because they don't care to ever listen to me. Before the ceremony I got text messages showing they were way more excited about themselves being here than anything relating to me, with multiple messages expressing how they arrived and it was exciting, then they asked me how the atmosphere was and their only reply was a one-word "nice" with no punctuation, because they don't care about me and only ask droll questions to segue into their next bit.
After grad, there was two generic sentences spoken with no emotion about how it was nice I graduated, and then they made a whole song and dance about the amazing gifts they got me. It was a degree frame I picked out myself that my dad presented as new and exciting (because he never pays attention to me, of course, when I told him I had picked one out and ordered it with my mother. Also she had another freakout about price and acted like I was holding her hostage by taking her unforced offer to buy me the second-cheapest degree frame on offer.). Then he presented the free gift small frame they got with it as though I should praise him for it, then a congratulation card that was alright I suppose if only because my brother drew a little creature in it that made me smile (my parents did not add anything special or meaningful to it). There was also a cap, which I genuinely enjoy and is nice, and a cheap ballpoint pen for some reason. He said there was more gifts at home, which okay, I don't care about gifts but I'd like him to at least be as excited for my graduation as he was for the picture frame. I didn't get any souvenirs from the bookstore because I knew if I got something he'd also gotten he'd freak out and accuse me of not listening to him or whatever, so I waited. When I got home my gift was Skittles. I don't know why I thought me might have gone to the bookstore and gotten me something special related to my actual interests. He doesn't care to know what those are anyways. I guess I hoped that at least this one day would be different.
Today, the day after graduation, all I've gotten from my parents is:
- Involved in a lecture and manufactured drama about my brother not using my car to drive to his job, even though my dad had the exact opposite position the entire rest of the year, because "what if you need to drive somewhere?", trying to manufacture a fight between my brother and me while also guilting and shaming me for not driving as a hobby like he does.
- A text message from my mother asking me if I'm awake because she wants more ammo to paint me as lazy. Nevermind that I barely slept the night before to make it to grad (of course neither of my parents would care enough about me to come with me as a family. I was literally the only person I saw who went on my own and without their family showing up early too, to support them. I walked past so many families in the parking lot knowing my mother couldn't be bothered to change out of her pajamas for me.) Nevermind I had a huge day that day, and that I was taking care of the cat's energy all that night too because attending my grad is apparently soooo draining my parents can't look after their own pet, and somehow it falls to me. All that matters is she woke up early and I didn't (after I handled all her inconveniences for her, funny how that works).
- Rapid knocks on my door because my dad is making bread as a hobby and apparently "needs" me there to help him with it, and then also "needed" me to stay and make cookies with him.
- A lecture about someone I never knew who apparently once threw something at another kid on my street when I was about 5, and about how he died and how his wife's hobby was really expensive or whatever and if I really don't remember him?
- I went to a showhome for fun and brought back the brochure. My dad jabbed his finger at the pictures on it to explain the house to me like I wasn't the one who literally brought the brochure back. Never asked if I cared or anything, just immediate launch into lecture and expecting me to stay and listen and praise him for being so smart or whatever.
- A lecture about D Day for some fucking reason. My dad is obsessed with history, and he doesn't have any friends to talk to (wonder why) so his lectures always fall on my ears.
- An email from my mother explaining in an extremely condescending way how important it is to have a cover letter when applying for jobs (just completely assuming I don't write them and also am too lazy or stupid to think about having them) including copy-pasted text from a sample cover letter that is no doubt one of the first results on google for "cover letter example"
- An angry email from my mother including a job she found on google
But, contrast that to my neighbors across the street. I was friends them in grade school, haven't seen them in like ten years, and just on my way past to the showhome we said hi and chatted in a genuinely nice conversation that wasn't a one-sided lecture like usual in my house. They could sense my emotions and didn't try to keep me there longer than I wanted to rant, they were genuinely interested in me and gave me space and interest to express myself, their mother even hugged me for graduating and it was the most genuine hug and congratulations I've ever received in person. Every other hug was my family members forcing me to hug them for their own sole benefit. I admit I cried a bit later on my walk thinking about it.
Compared to my parents, the parents of old friends care more about me, trust me more, believe in me more, have more hope for my future, are more interested in me, and understand me better. It's tremendously sad that all throughout my graduation ceremony I was worried about my parents becoming upset for some random reason and blowing up at me. I'm glad I at least focused and made myself feel some pride and joy in myself for graduating.
Even the random people I met who were also taking part in the open house were nicer and better conversationalists than my parents. A random elderly couple I have never seen in my life can have a better interaction with me than my own parents. The realtor was more chill and less perfectionistic than my parents by a mile. His million-dollar house sale was something he was less stressed and perfectionistic about and something he beat himself up over less than my parents are about my hairstyle when I'm going to class because "What if you meet someone in industry and they see you're not professional".
It's absurd.

I just finished reading the Heather Lewis novel “Notice” after Myke said it was what he was reading recently. Overall, I thought it was an interesting book with quite a few standout scenes, even if it drags plot-wise towards the middle.
Below are my full thoughts:
The introduction by Melissa Febos is a solid read before getting into the novel itself. The only flaw here is that she does give too much of a synopsis of what’s going to happen in the story, so if spoilers bother you I would recommend reading the intro after you’ve finished the novel.
What was most important in the introduction is the backstory about Lewis, which explains that the author tried to get “Notice” published as her second novel, and that it was repeatedly rejected by publishers when she was alive. Lewis wound up taking some of the same ideas and repackaging it for a different novel she called “The Second Suspect,” but that book wasn’t well-received by critics. Eventually, after many years of being sober, Lewis relapsed and had a mental breakdown. She committed suicide at age 40.
Based on what people know of her, Lewis lived a hard life filled with abuse and mistreatment from both men and women, including her parents, and a lot of her experiences were channeled into her fiction. I kept all that in the back of my mind while I was reading “Notice.”
On the very first page of the novel, the narrator writes about being a young prostitute. There are a lot of novels out there that feature sex work, but this one stood out to me because of the intentionally detached matter-of-fact writing style. Everything is stated clearly, which helps the narrator immediately establish herself as a credible witness to her own life. At times it comes off as journaling with flair. Below are passages early in the novel:

1: “I’d gotten my money already, outside the car. Not much left to do now but do him, so I put my hand in his lap. Got him the rest of the way there, then unzipped him. Touched him some before I put my head down. It was fine really, was no big deal. He took maybe four minutes, and when he came I swallowed because neither of us had planned any place else to put it. Besides he’d been decent so it seemed wrong to leave him a mess to clean up.”
2: “Always try and convince them you like it, or them, whichever seems more important.”
3: “When we did go up the stairs he stopped at the landing, began pointing out pictures of his children. One daughter in particular he said I reminded him of, and I thought, At least for now you’re doing to me what you want to be doing to her. At least she’s off at some school like the rest of them.”
4: “The wife touched my cheek, still awkward and shaky like she was trying to find the right way to go about it. When her fingers got to my neck I found myself borrowing her shivers. Found myself trembling all over and so already I knew this was not a good thing to pursue. That it would make me feel something, which naturally is about the last thing you want.”
5: “I sat there waiting because I knew he liked giving instructions. I hadn’t worn any underwear this time because, let’s just say, I learned fast. He’d reached over to me in the car, smiling when he’d discovered this. It was the sort of thing I thought might get me more cash. It might with someone like him who liked you paying attention.”

It’s not a very long book at all (240ish pages) and the chapters read fairly quickly. As I said above I do think the story drags a bit in the middle unfortunately and I can see some people not loving the ending, but taking it for what it is the book was an interesting change of pace for what I'd been reading lately.
S/O to Myke for mentioning this book because I’d never heard of this author. It’s a shame that Lewis isn’t alive to see “Notice” get republished, but I'm glad it’s out there now and I suspect it will find the right audience.

FAIR WARNING THIS WILL BE A WALL OF TEXT
Intro: In a series of reviews that will begin (or return) here; we are going to try and take a critical look at the Chuck series, especially the unfolding of the story as scene through the teleplay. In this case we are assuming multiple things about a potential watcher:

• The watcher is new to the series and does not know about future episodes, but there is an expectation any previous episodes have been watched.
• I will try not to point information out that becomes important for later episodes, though there may be times it's important because of how episodes are filmed and how episodes string together, I will however try and hide these behind a spoiler tag. I say this as a person who has watched Chuck dozens of times, so if I inadvertently spoiler, sorry.
• I will do my best to point out interesting references that are hidden within the Chuck universe, but not at the expense of extended expositions unless in-depth analysis is necessary as it relates to the scene.

What is this all for: This started as a project to improve my critical reviewing skills for a hobby of movie script writing and analysis. Chuck happens to have published 3 original scripts and all the text of every episode has been published to a searchable database. This affords an opportunity to break from my movie writing woes and infinite revisions to just have fun enjoying Chuck and trying to deepen my understanding of the intersection of script writing with filmography and visual editing. Having said this, it should be known I have no affiliation to the show, no additional insider knowledge, and I do not write scripts for a living. So, consequently, feel free to ignore everything I say :). I do hope, however, we can go on this journey together and appreciate the excellence that is a love story called Chuck.
So, don't freak out, and lets get started.
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Chuck 01x04 (Chuck vs the Wookiee): TEASER - We open with the gang playing "Know Ya!", which isn't actually a real board game, but based on the game Paddles. It's amazing that Morgan can't stand Ellie/Awesome being in love/winning, but marches triumphantly whenever he gets a question correct. I also like we see, in frame, Chuck watching Sarah pick off olives; he's beginning to notice things just like a real spy. The deep sadness and yet storied confliction on Chuck's face when he discovers Peaches 1 and Peaches 2 was great.
For those who don't know about dogs:

• A cocker spaniel is typically smaller; by ~5inches and up to 30lbs lighter than a springer spaniel.
• Springer spaniels also have shorter fur across their bodies, with feathered hair under their chests and legs.
• Only a cocker spaniel will be solid colored
• Springer spaniels have longer muzzles, while cockers have fluffier ears.

I find it very interesting how Sarah has "spidey sense" about potentially being watched. At no point previously did either Sarah nor Casey display this trait and I'm not totally sure how an open window was enough to do this; I wonder if Sarah's comfort being around Chuck's family is causing her to develop a "feeling of being watched" as she is comfortable with the Bartowski's? For those who missed it, Sarah talks about having a sister I think at the time this was just a throw-away line to protect her cover, but in season 5 Sarah does actually have a little sister if you count the little girl she rescues One last thing about Sarah here, when Bryce is being discussed, I really like how it was played where she acts quiet and shocked, but not saying anything. The facial expressions of Yvonne here are really special and you can tell Sarah lives a life of secrets. This is carried outside when Chuck asks Sarah about her relationship with Bryce. She is totally looking down and to the right, a classic indication of an emotional response searching for rationalization (ie. she is clearly lying)
As they end the game and exit to the courtyard, there teleplay of Chuck does something I've been wanting to see forever; they switch perspective to keep both characters in camera and follow them around from a 3rd perspective. We know this is supposed to indicate they are being watched, but I really enjoy getting to see them together reacting and talking instead of the constant close-ups and cuts. Normally Chuck will be shot with something between a medium close up (MCU) and Medium Shot (MS) to emphasize their characters and highlight their faces and expressions. This works really well because Chuck's cameras are typically either shoulder level or hip level based on the operators moving through their space. In many more modern TV shows, the technology of boom cranes and gyroscopic gimbals allows for content to be show from ground level to overhead giving directors the opportunity to tell their story through a variety of shifting profiles. If Chuck were shot today, we would see everything from full body shots all the way to extreme closeups without the need for continual jump-cuts and re-shoots because the technology is there. At least for this episode, it's nice to see the director explore more hip/knee level motion and more cowboy framed shots when having a distant observer perspective. https://www.studiobinder.com/blog/types-of-camera-shots-sizes-in-film/ does a fantastic breakdown of all the different shot type and camera perspectives for you want to read more!
As we transition into Sarah's hotel room, did anyone pick up on how NICE this is? She has double sinks, a king bed, a sitting mirror, free standing tub, and a great view. I doubt any agency in the "real world" would ever spring for something like this for multiple years for one of their agents, it's fancy! Enter Carina, tell me, who saw Sarah fight with a soap sock and think of iCarly and the famous "butter sock". Also during this fight, why is Sarah wearing a golden bikini? I know she is about to get into the shower, but what plausible reason is there for her to a) wear a bikini at all and b) it to be a bright golden yellow?? If you slow this fight scene way down, you will notice Yvonne's strikes actually come close to hitting Mimi as she has had a lot of training, whereas Mimi's strikes are miles from Yvonne and she just over-acts their impact. The most noticeable is the kick into her table, Sarah goes flying back, but we can tell from the angle, Carina missed her by a good 2 ft. This was just some sloppy editing and not getting the camera into position. I give it a pass because you have probably 3 camera operators wearing stabilized camera rigs trying to rotate around a room with 2 girls fighting and they just missed the angle by like 2 feet. I did really like at the end of the fight Carina had the option to go for the gun but instead went for the fish. If you didn't know they were not enemies before, this should have been a big clue! Carina calls Sarah's life in LA boring #1
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ACT I
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Carina aka: Maria Elena Argalberdi was born Jun 16, 1978 in Alberdi Argentina with a Buenos Aires passport. Maria Elena is actually the name of a famous song in Mexico and eventually had a movie. This Chuck learns on Flash #1 and is the precursor to meeting the general for the first time. I know I've mentioned this before, but to reiterate; the pictures in Casey's apartment are all wrong; he has photos of Chuck and Morgan that don't happen until season 5 (lost footage) he has a map of Echo Park and Malibu already on display, and he has tactical information for each member of the Buy More (which he has no reason for at this time). It is interesting they talk about an opium cartel in Afghanistan as Afghanistan is known for it's huge poppy fields for heroin drug money.
The NADAN-I-NOOR diamond:

• The Nadan-I-Noor diamond has never been known to be bought or sold and ha only changed owners as a result of theft, conquest, or endowment
• It's listed as having 57 facets + 16 facets on girdle = 73. A facet is comparable with the brilliance of a diamond and is really the flat surfaces of a gemstone arranged in a geometrical pattern. In this case it helps characterize the refraction of light through the diamond interior. The girdle i the outer edge of a diamond surface, having 16 faces is quite large, as the girdle is the largest section of a gem, but also the thinnest when viewed from the side. In this case, having 73 facets puts the Nadan-I-Noor in either the Princess-Cut Diamond or Radiant Cut Diamond category, which are also the most expensive as they have the most possible facets.
• having 4-fold, mirror-image symmetry refers to how the light reflects internally to the diamond and indicates there are no impurities within the crystalline structure.
• interestingly a purity rating is not given, i would expect something like a F or IF (flawless/internally flawless) for a diamond described like this, but one isn't provided.
• the angles of incidence just describe the best way for light to enterefract from the diamond, these numbers are fake, but the metric is real
• there is a lot of sanscript written around the diamond markings, I can't figure out what if anything it means it looks like repeated nonsense
• could be a nod to the Koh-i-noor or "mountain of light" diamond, although this one in Persian is the "fool of light".

We open back to see Carina and Sarah looking at classified files within the restaurant. THIS IS AGAINST THE LAW, you do not look at classified files out in the open and especially not where there are clearly other customers around. Venturing into the BuyMore, there is a monster truck rally on the TV's showing grave digger and reaper, two famous trucks from this time period. Morgan wants to spread his wings and be the fourth wheel to the perpetual 3 wheel party and Sarah, ever the schemer, literally glows when she thinks of the plan to have Carina go on a date with Morgan. I THINK this was just to help maintain their cover, but also maybe Sarah is just needling Carina? If you look in the back of the store when Chuck is talking to Sarah and Carina, there is a really cool Nerd Herd poster that says "Bringing peace to your computer emergency". "if a yawn could yawn" is Carina calling Sarah's job boring #2. One thing I really like with the double data is the way the camera jumps between the couples: boy/girl, boy/boy, girl/girl. I think they way they try and keep private conversations via screen time is a really nice, typical, teleplay trick that really works well here. In a "real" environment, everyone could hear everything, but by splitting the camera focus or playing with perspective, the viewer clearly knows "this is a conversation between girls the boys don't hear it". We see Chuck noticing Sarah picking off olives #2 while they watch a movie about penguins: who mate for life, present their love in the form of rocks, and are pack animals. In Chuck's bedroom as he talks to Morgan, Chuck has a box of King Edward Invincible underneath bongos; for those who don't know this is a famous box for mild tobacco cigars. So I wonder what Chuck is up to in his free time :P.
On the Nerd Herd call with Carina, she opens a bottle of wine with a butter knife. This is actually a pretty famous thing that is done all over the world with everything from a key to a saber. In fact they make a specially type of knife with an extra wide blade for this it Italy. I do want to ask the question; is Carina dressed in red lingerie (Chuck's favorite color she stole from Sarah) really necessary for this scene? I know that Carina is all about improvising and she often uses her sexuality to progress her cause (Casey), but I think we could have gotten away with just the top. I can certainly see the rationalization for going this far, but I think as an artistic choice it wasn't necessary. What IS necessary however is to talk about how Chuck's world implodes when Carina tells him about Sarah and Bryce. Also the perfect act transition ending right at Chuck's jaw dropping and the work boyfriend!
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ACT II
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I'll say it again, the back an forth with Chuck and Sarah should have been a medium close up, shoulder level straight on shot instead of the constant cuts. Seeing their reaction in real time would have been easier and it would have allowed the Weinerlicious to be maybe 15 ft smaller to not need so many cameramen rotating. "Unless talking to your boyfriend is a matter of national security, the ketchup bottles won't refill themselves". Why yes it IS a mater of national security for Sarah to talk to Chuck... also if any one of us stood up to our boss like Sarah did, I'm pretty sure we'd be fired on the spot!
Malibu is ~2hours for Echo Park with standard LA traffic. Seriously, how do girls in high heels walk down stairs; we see Carina and Sarah walking sideways so there is enough space on each step to fit their shoes. Girls, how do you do that and not fall especially with narrow staircases and 3-6inch heels! Inside the room with the stone there is a bust of Cesare, archenemies, da vinci, and biblical David. There is also some famous paintings the best of which is Vemieer's "young girl with a pearl earring" which is rather appropriate considering it's meaning. There is also a Van Gogh of man in a wheat field and a Monet in one shot too. If ANY of these paintings were real instead of reproductions, they would be worth millions, in fact the young girl with a pearl is estimated at 40million, which is 1.5x the sell value of the Nadan-I-Noor! If we take a look at the engineering drawing of Flash #2 on the pedestal, we would see this design creates a closed circuit around the tongs the diamond rests on; which might explain it's red hue. If a person were to touch the diamond, it would close the circuit on their body allowing the 4000volts to travel through their heart. A person can die with ~20volts, though it's usually more like 50 in most occurrences. 4000volts is enough to kill a herd of elephants and completely overkill for a person. Also the amount of power that would take is more than the city of Malibu... this is to say the trap is real, the numbers are complete nonsense; thinking lightning! Nice shot by Sarah with the plate (there are some great bloopers on this too where she misses badly)! A remote controlled jet ski... i'm not even going to calculate the nonsense for this; it's just total nonsense. Almost as much nonsense as Casey using his phone to track Carina's call. That would take minutes, even with today's technology to back trace like that and way more power than just pushing a button on a razer flip-phone from the 90's!
back at the house, Chuck i playing halo with the legendary skulls as his weapon; this is nice because in the BuyMore at the end of the episode there are dudes dressed as master chief! I really like the changing perspective here with Chuck and Morgan. Chuck's reactions remain in focus while Morgan tells a story behind him, then it switches as Chuck starts to move around until bringing both into focus for the final line "we still have each other and that's really sad". The side cut to Sarah picking locks to the hotel door is classic early 2000's TV and i'm all for it, even if it is super cheezy. BTW as someone who used to lock pick in college, that's .... not how that works, but good try. We get our Flash #3 on the diamond in Morgan's back nuclear explosions. I wonder if the refractive capability of a diamond this pure is enough to focus laser to induce fission or if the value of selling the diamond is enough to buy nuclear material on the black market? Either way, we end the act with... the man with the golden gun!
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ACT III
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Chuck uses Sarah's plate move against Carina, nice inter-episode call back; he's clearly watching/learning, but his aim is terrible. This was actually clever as Sarah has perfect aim for she is a professional, while Chuck is still definitely a civilian and has no aptitude for fighting. I really like both these types of simple call backs but also how seemingly throw-away lines/actions help tell the broad story of the show. Chuck talking to Carina also shows Chuck has this weird, innate aptitude to get people to re-evaluate themselves and grow internally. You can watch Carina "grow in real-time. When we get to the hotel and Carina opens her trunk first there are a few glocks, a couple rugers, and a 1911; then she switches to blades and we see some folders, some strait blades, an illegal gravity blade (still illegal today), and a kbar... nice selection! Carina, always the flirt, gives Chuck some very insightful works about the nature of being a spy, but also maybe some way to get through to Sarah.
Inside the hotel we see Carina and Sarah speaking; Carina is speaking Swedish, while Sarah replies in Polish. "Om jag slänger nycklarna till dig, kommer du tappa dem då?" which is Swedish for "If I throw you the keys, will you drop them?" Sarah answered in Polish: "Tylko jak rzucisz jak twoja mamusia", which means "Only if you throw it like your mommy". This is just great!
I want to talk about how fast Chuck managed to find an address for DC, print a label, open a box, put the label on, and get the diamond there all before the door gets broken. Somehow on screen time this is like 10seconds, but in real life this would have to be like 3minutes minimum? Either that door is remarkably strong or... TV magic??
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ACT IV
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Even with all the flirting, as we say goodbye to Carina >! for now !< she is still joking with Casey and every the professional. I like how they show when it's "game time" it's all about the job, but spys can be people too! Carina still calls Sarah's life boring #3 (the common trifecta of episode repeats).
Sarah's face when Chuck brings the pizza with no olives is the reason I think Yvonne makes the perfect Sarah. She exudes the hidden beauty needed and has the acting to so such emotion for Chuck being sweet. The whole scene with Chuck and Sarah asking questions, then Chuck backing off, then Sarah acting stoic like she WANTS to open up but doesn't know if she can really trust Chuck, is ready to move on from Bryce, and should for the nature of her job. This was probably the most well acted 20seconds of the entire episode. Finally, we hear Sarah's middle name is Lisa. Now we never officially know if Chuck hears this or not both due to camera focus and distance, it's never officially confirmed in the entire show. When the intersect is updated in season 4 we see Sarah's picture and it lists Lisa as a middle name, so we assume it's official, but it's never confirmed at any point. Finally, I really like how they end the episode with Sarah closing her eyes as the fade to black.
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Few notes: There are 5 official songs in this episode:

• "Yea Yeah" by Matt and Kim - when the gang is playing board games during group date night. This song is about not worrying about the things you cannot change. Little things that build up and bum you out that you need to just let go.
• "Wild Girl" Matt Pond PA - Chuck and Morgan discussing their relationship problems. This song is about overcoming past struggles and finding hope in the present and future. Describing a sense of resilience and optimism
• "weird science" by does it offend you - Chuck and Carina talk at Peyman' Malibu Compound. This is a remind to break free and embrace individuality and live on your own terms. Be unapologetically ourselves.
• Shy by Mathew Dear - the double date
• "Fall into place" the apartment - the team say's goodby to Carina. Deals with growing up, taking (or not taking) chances. finding oneself in the unpredictability of life. I have to say, we don't actually hear the lyrics to any of these songs during the episode just the melody, but I don't really appreciate the music choices here. I feel like there were better options at key points, so that's a miss from me.
  
• On the DVD for Season One the word Wookiee is spelled incorrectly, leaving off the last E.
  
• "It used to be titled "Chuck Versus the Speedo" because the main bad guy in this show is this dude who wears a Speedo all the time. Then when the casting guy realized he had a good amount -- and by good, I mean healthy, a healthy amount of body hair -- they thought, why not call it "Chuck vs. the Wookiee". So it's this guy who's got this diamond, and we're trying to heist the diamond and all hell breaks loose." ―Zachary Levi quoted by Access Hollywood discussing this episode's title
  

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I think this was a great episode and really showcased what they can do when additional cast members join the team and when they are not afraid to play with perspective. Mimi as Carina is a great addition to the ensemble and I wish we saw her more, but every time she drops in, it's always a wild episode and it's fantastic. Watching Chuck learn about Sarah and seeing Sarah start to open up is a good way forward and heck Casey had some of the best humor in the episode. Overall, it was fast paced, had some nice character development, as funny in the best way, and moved the main theme along, 8/10.