My spouse and I live with his friends until we get back on our feet. They are great people, fun to be around most of the time. I have no real issue with them. But it's like my husband has forgotten about me. As I write this, he is hanging out with his friends in their room while my kids and I are in the living room. He will dismiss the kids if the friends are watching a movie. He will go into their room and you can hear them laugh and laugh. (They aren't doing anything cheating wise I already tried to barge in on them and they were literally sitting watching a comedy movie.) He leaves with them to go out to eat and not bring back the kids and I food. On the rare chance he calls me and asks me if I want anything from the store or a restaurant, he gets them stuff too (his friends never bring back stuff for us when they get food for themselves.) I'm always an afterthought. Yesterday him and his friends came back after a day of hanging out with them ( leaving us behind as usual), he just gets his suit on and leaves with then to the pool, just like that no asking. He ended up coming back like half an hour later to grab stuff, saw me looking upset, and said "oh you can join if you want", then ran back out. I was a second thought. He also hurts my oldest daughters feelings and makes her feel guilty. She had been looking forward all day to playing a video game with me. Finally we sit down and start to play and my husband and his friends start laughing and make jokes and tell my daughter "oh I guess you don't want to go swimming with us then. Your loss!" They hadn't even mentioned swimming until literally 5 minutes after we started playing. She got upset because she loves swimming but she also didn't want to bail on me. So she sat there and cried until I said that it was ok and that she could go swimming with t hem. She told me she didn't want to hurt my feelings but I told her it was ok. So of course she grabbed her suit and ran after them. He makes food for them but not me. I was sick and I asked for a certain meal. He refused. His roommate doesn't want to stand up and asks for the same thing (mostly to help me get it) and he stands up and makes it. I have told him multiple times how I feel. I told him that I feel like I got demoted from wife to roommate. I told him that he cares more about their feelings than mine. If I am saying something and one of his friends cuts me off or talks over me, he will answer them and completely ignore me. I told them that it feels like I am an unwanted 4th wheel. He laughs or gets mad and walks away.
I am not an extrovert like they are but I still try and keep up with them. I do everything to hang out with them. I may be awkward but I do try. I have given myself anxiety attacks and internal meltdowns where I am shaking because it feels so uncomfortable but I do try. But after every day of feeling like this, I want to stop trying so much.
He tries to say that I have done the same when I am on a group/video chat with my phone, but i dont think it can even be compared. He is always included, if he needs to talk to me, I can mute or hang up. They like him for the most part. But I don't physically hang out with them. I don't ignore him or my kids and physically leave the house and ignore his texts. I don't buy them food and leave him with nothing.
I broke down yesterday, full on tears which I try and never do. I told him how I felt and he told me to stop having negative feelings or keep my feelings to myself and told me to stop. It's like I might as well keep my mouth shut. I guess I have to do everything alone now..

I’ve had some bad relationships in the past. Multiple failed ones. Cheated on three times, and abused on another.
I’m not sure how other people feel about this but I understand a little bit of both sides.
Been about two years since I’ve last dated. Thought I cutoff my heart from these feelings but unfortunately they are coming back. I know this is a good thing but it’s scary to me and has been causing panic attacks, randomly out of nowhere, nocturnal panic attacks. ice had to sit down in the middle of cooking and turned the stove off because I couldn’t breath and felt like I was going to pass out.
I have a new set of standards for myself. Again I do understand negative views on this and not everyone is the same. I just want to know how others feel because honestly I feel alone on this and want to protect myself.
I’m a man in his mid 20’s who’s finally getting these romantic feelings back.
My standards/limitation/boundaries are never talk to an ex, never talk to a person they’ve flirted with or had a crush on, no talking so someone they’ve had intercourse with. ^{^} I know everyone isn’t the same again, but for me this is a giant trust issue and a big boundary of mine. It’s how I’ve been cheated on in the past.
I have no control over the other person, but would like to communicate that to them. I want to have this talk and if I find out any of those boundaries are crossed I will ghost them.
I’ve been friends with women majority of my life and I know there are plenty of good women out there, but a few demons roaming.
If I were to reintroduce myself into dating again, how would I have a talk about this?
^
I know whoever I’d have romance with would look at me funny and look at me as controlling. I just don’t know how to do that.
It freaks me out, I’m scared, I’m lonely (I have friends but I crave romance and physical touch is my love language), and I feel lost.
I have a heart full of so much love, I just don’t anybody to share it with and don’t know if I can honestly trust anybody anymore. All this social media and messaging is kinda like all of those streaming services. One day you want Netflix, the other you want Hulu. It’s very easy to be replaced. I’m lost.
When the feeling of love is taken away, it hurts. I’ve been through substance withdrawals badly with no dopamine or serotonin in my brain, the shakes, vomiting, and potential brain damage. Nothing on this earth hurts more than love being taken away, especially when it occurs due to cheating.
I’d go through withdrawals every day of my life instead of being hurt by someone.
It feels like I’m drowning without love or touch.
I’ve learned to look for a person not a feeling. You need a friend first, the feeling either comes or goes.

I (18F) have always known my dad (53M) wasn’t the most healthy person in the world. For some context on my family and to make sure it’s a whole picture i’m basically going to trauma dump, so TW for sexual assault i guess? When i was two he and my mom(48F) got a divorce because he was using drugs and alcohol to cope with some of his past traumas, while never putting in any work to get past them. After the divorce he ended up being put in prison after receiving multiple DUI’s (im not entirely sure how it happened exactly, i was two or three when he was locked up) and it got him locked up till I was six. My mom, despite having every reason to speak badly of my father, never said anything negative about him. She would take me to visit him, let me read the letters he sent me (when i actually could read, and she would write my replies down for me), and always let me talk to him when he called. We lived with my grandparents while he was locked up. After he got out he spent a long time working to get past his unhealthy coping mechanisms. He lives with his parents for two years and i would visit often. When i was eight he finally had a stable enough job to have both me and my mother move back in with him. I was young, and stupid, and when they asked me if i was okay with it I said yes. We moved into a single wide mobile home in my dad’s home town. My entire life was uprooted and replanted. I began classes in my new school and was bullied for most of my time there. I was told to “suck it up, bullies aren’t that bad.” even though in middle school i was pushed down a very steep flight of stairs and almost broke my arm. My grades began slipping and i went from a gifted child to a burn out really quick. My dad would yell at me and my mom for my grades, then get mad when i couldn’t understand how explained something to me. By thirteen i was suicidal and it was “an attempt to get attention” according to my dad. He had begun to pick fights with my mom over the littlest things. The house wasn’t clean enough, she didn’t make dinner fast enough, my room was a mess. (it was the size of a medium sized walk in closet.) And then my older (half) brother moved in with us. He (32M, let’s call him Michael) had never had a stable life and my dad coddled him because he felt like he had failed him. He had, but Michael was always a screwed up dude, so it only added into it. Anyways, over the course of the next three years my older brother would come to sexually assault me about five times over the next three years. We ended up moving into a larger house when i was about fifteen and i ended up going into counseling and learning that i had been groomed and conditioned to be basically unaware of the trauma inflicted on my by my brother since i was a kid. My dad, when i was seven and my brother a teenager, would turn a blind eye to Michael basically bashing my head into the island counter whenever he would steal something like food from me. My grandparents would always intervene and he would call me a whiner. At night he would tell me all sorts of things and make it seem like he was my only friend in the world. He kept doing it my entire life. My father, who had stopped drinking, had begun again because my grandfather was diagnosed with stage four lung cancer and has been fighting for him life since, it’s been about eight years i think since they had to pull him out of remission because the cancer came back. This is when he really became a nightmare. Depending on what type of alchohol he drinks his mood goes a few ways. Whiskey and he gets angry. Tequila and he gets all sappy and lovey dovey(this makes me very uncomfortable because he hasn’t ever been very openly affectionate), beer and he’s just a happy drunk, and wine and he gets sad. Sometimes it switches up but normally this is how it goes. After i finally told my parents about my brother and what he had done and him getting kicked out, he began to bury himself in alcohol. I had to get over it fast because he was blaming anyone within pissing distance. Eventually he would cry to me about how he had failed him son, to the daughter that his son had raped. it was really fucked up, and he only ever said that when he was drunk. (I want to say that my dad isn’t an inherently terrible person, he didn’t have a good life growing up and generational trauma hits hard.)He has been using drinking as a way to escape reality for a long time. It’s caused a great deal of arguments and both of my parents asking “what they do to deserve this” while my dad accuses me of treating him like garbage (he says the same thing to my mom). We’ve had to leave the house and spend a few days with other people before because i was scared he was going to hit us instead of the walls next time, multiple times. The most recent bought of fighting has been happening over the last three days. (for more context i moved out right after i turned eighteen, i became a manager at my workplace and was able to live with friends) I’ve been visiting my family and spending time with them since i haven’t really had time the past few months. I guess my mom found out that he had been receiving nudes from other women on messenger and wanted AT LEAST an apology. My dad blamed it on a married friend who was using his phone. it was a lie because he’s been receiving them almost every day. and commenting on them. it makes me sick to think about. he has begun blaming my mom for it. saying she ruined our old house, that she has to one up him, and saying “do you really wanna go there?” while he was the one who fucked up. After screaming at each other for nearly an hour he said he wanted to break up. My mom spiraled and wanted to kill herself. Her psychiatrist that she had a tele-health call with that day, asked me to basically watch my mom to make sure she doesn’t kill herself. I took her pills and asked my dad to lock up his guns. he took this as her “one -upping him”. Yesterday while i was back at my apartment i got a call from my mom explaining that he had gotten drunk and had told her to kill herself. She had left and was at a bridge to watch the water. I drove back in a panic since i live a town over. Today, my father was drunk again and asked me to go spend time alone so he could screw my mom. I didn’t want to be there so i showered and got ready to leave. Turns out their conversation had shifted and he was berating her for “not letting him discipline me”. I guess that after years of pent up anger never being touched on, i finally snapped and began yelling at him. I called him a hypocrite and he called me a bitch. And basically i left as he began to destroy things around the house. That was after i told him if he kept going this way i would cut contact. I’m currently sitting at our outdoor sports complex writing this because everyone i know is busy and i don’t want to bother them. I just needed to get it out. I don’t know if cutting contact is the right thing to do. Of if it makes me an asshole. I’m only eighteen. I don’t know what to do anymore.

I'm a 42 year old male, I met my wife when I was 18, she was 23 and we began 'dating' when I was 21, working a job I hated in the same place she worked (casino workers, if you know, you know). We hooked up at a Xmas party and started a very awkward relationship. I say awkward because we had some weird trouble having sex for the first like 6 months... it's odd when I think back on it, should have been a huge red flag but she was draped in reg flags the entire time and it didn't seem matter to me. Aside from that, when we finally did have sex she got pregnant... she was not at all ready, neither was I really, but are you ever? At any rate, I didn't have too much of say in it, she decided on an abortion and I supported her. We stayed together after that horribly shitty experience, our relationship was never really all that good, lots of petty fighting/arguing and really the only reason it continued was because we worked opposite shifts and barely saw each other which made it easier to sorta get along.
Fast forward a couple years, we decide to buy a house because financially it made sense (this is almost 20 years ago so it was still affordable at that time), she made quite a bit of money, mostly in tips (so not on paper), but she probably made 2-3 times as much as I did so she never really struggled financially (in her life I don't think) while I came out of poverty and lived paycheck to paycheck up until a few years ago (the pandemic was surprisingly good for my career). This was never really an issue for me, I've lived in debt my whole life and I've always had the optimism that I would eventually work my way out of it, it's really the only bit of confidence I have in myself, my ability to learn and become relatively good at almost anything. This was always a point of contention, my wife hated that I had debt so when we bought the house together we were asked if we wanted a joint bank account as most couples combine their finances with cohabitation, my wife scoffed and adamantly told the banker there was no way she's mixing her finances with mine, it was relatively embarrassing at the time but I was also just 25 (she was 30) so I went along with whatever, it was going to be slightly cheaper for me to pay a mortgage than rent at the time so I was in and she'd cover bills. Things were never that great when living together, things must have been good enough for me to stay but I only look back with anger now so it's hard to see anything good but I'm sure there must have been some.
Fast forward another couple years and I feel extremely pressured (by her and her family mostly, they're old fashioned country type folks) to ask her to marry me... so I do. We stay engaged for another few years, I have no desire to waste a bunch on money on a wedding but she's the one with money so we have the big wedding she wanted. I'll admit it was a pretty great party, I don't remember anything good involving her on our wedding day but I have lots of good memories with family and friends. Afterwards we went on a 'romantic' honeymoon at an all-inclusive tropical resort and this is where I'll get into a bit of what I've dealt with for years... our resort was gorgeous, room was nice, just a room but nice... first thing my wife did was complain, about everything, the bed, the fridge, the lights, the balcony... nothing was good enough for her, this would become a common theme for the next decade plus. We also did not have sex on our honeymoon, she was far too busy complaining and being angry for us to ever get in the 'mood', this would be more foreshadowing of what's to come.
Now, this might seem like I'm building up to her becoming really bad after getting married but that's not really the case... she was just as bad before, it didn't really get worse, it just became more noticeable... or maybe I just tolerated things more in the beginning. The truth is when I look back, there were so many signs, she casually put me down and basically treated me like a child from day one, something I just accepted because looking back, I was a fucking child when we got together... she was not really, five years my senior, and she very much took advantage of that dynamic. Over the years she slowly went about convincing me that the things I wanted were silly/ridiculous and that I should want what she wanted (the nice lawn, the house, kids, etc., etc.) because everyone should. I never wanted these things.
I won't get into details here because I could write a novel on the insane shit I've dealt with over the last 20 years that could prove this, but I did do a lot of research in the last few years and have come to the conclusion that she could have BPD with narcissistic traits... I'm obviously not a doctor so it's definitely not a diagnosis or anything but she ticks almost every box from the many many things I've read on the subject, so if you have a moment and you don't know what BPD is I suggest googling it. It's pretty terrible but it might give you a better idea of my life.
At any rate, I dug myself deeper and deeper, thinking that every next move would finally make her happy and bring me some kind of peace, so we had a child about a year after we were married. This is where it gets really tricky... I sincerely regret having a child with this woman, especially because she is not at all "cut out to be a mother" (her words, not mine) but her mother had been sick on and off with cancer for a few years and her older sister couldn't have children so she felt obligated to give her mom a grandchild, bad reasons all around to have a child. That being said, I love my son more than anything in the world. As much as I wish we did not bring him into this horrible world, he's still the very best thing to happen to me and I will take care of him and love him for the rest of my life no matter what.
I should mention, since I've eluded to it, I've always had self-esteem issues, goes all the way back to having acne problems in high school but my wife has methodically picked away at my confidence and self-esteem over the years, cutting me down to this very day... to the point that I feel very much worthless. I know that I'm not, I know I deserve better but another fun thing about my wife is her desperate need for sympathy... So, not only does she make me feel horrible about myself, she also manages to make me feel horrible FOR her... she's overweight, and I'm sure has low self-esteem herself but she has decided to take it out on others rather than internalize and try to make things better for herself. She would rather blame others for any of her short comings, I guess it's easier to convince yourself you can't do anything about it when it's someone else fault.
I apologize, because I feel like I'm a bit all over the place but I guess I'm just trying to set the scene for where I'm at now and give just a small glimpse of the hell I've been living in and how I got here...
The first few years of my sons life were pretty great (comparatively at least), honestly it was probably the best we've ever gotten along, probably because most of my focus (and hers) was on our son. Unfortunately, her mother passed away just after my son's first birthday, this was obviously devastating for her, not unexpected but still devastating. We're lucky in Canada because she had a full year maternity leave and was able to spend time with her mom. She took it very hard, and decided to stay off work for an additional 4-6 months (can't remember exactly). This was all fine and understandable, I supported her through all of it, financially and emotionally. Once she went back to work, this is when things took a real nose dive... she has always been a very entitled person but upon going back to work (part time I should mention) she decided everything was horrible for her so she was going to make it horrible for everyone around her. This went on for around 4-5 years (again, the time frames get fuzzy because it's been so long), it was hell. I really just plowed through for our son, I made him my main focus and I took care of everything. Without going into it too much, I sort of shifted gears with my job and focused on finding something that worked better for raising a kid, I got onto a full time day shift (unheard in the casino world) and we worked opposite shifts. It was pretty good for child care (that we couldn't afford) as one of us was always home. This made her more contentious... again, going back to the entitled thing, she felt it wasn't 'fair' for me to work a good shift, she should be the one doing that. I eventually worked my way out of casinos and into a work from home job (before COVID) and it was great, she could work whatever shift she had to and I would always be around for our son.
Fast forward again, my son's in school, she's still super angry at life and making things hellish but I do my best to make it good for our son. It's difficult to keep a smile on with him while putting up with temper tantrums and fits from my wife... yes, we had a toddler and she was the one who threw fits. For an example, I can recall one specific Xmas where my son and I were playing video games which is his biggest interest, something she absolutely hates, and she made a few comments about how we should be doing family things together for Xmas (it was Xmas eve), so my son and I got off the computer and played a board game in the living room... nice and wholesome fun I thought. My wife throws a fit, full on screaming and slamming things around, I don't even remember what for exactly, it happens so often I can't keep track anymore. Her temper tantrum ends with her storming off and slamming the door to her room. I'll never forget looking at my son right after, him tearing up a bit and asking me "what is wrong mom?" and I just said "I'm really sorry buddy, I don't know" and we hugged... I cried a lot about that that night, one of many times I would have to apologize for her and the way she acts around him. This is just one small example and a terrible Xmas memory that I'll always have, hopefully my son won't. I think the worst part of these 'tantrums' is that she can almost always justify them, only to herself really but usually by blaming me or my son for "making her so upset" or worse, blaming some inanimate object for "not working how it should".
Fast forward to now(ish)... I've basically lived in my basement for the last 5 years, my office and bedroom are there, I stay down there to avoid my wife as much as possible but it feels like a prison cell now. I've retreated from life in general over the years too, I've always been a pretty anti-social introvert, I prefer quiet one on one conversations rather than group settings. Most of my 'friends' over the last 10-15 years revolved around my job (casinos take over your life people, for real) and my wife, I slowly lost any friends that had no connection to her. This was partially due to me retreating and the fact that my wife would insert herself into any friendship that was just mine to the point that I sort shut those people out to avoid them having to deal with her. Sadly, I don't have friends anymore (didn't have many to begin with but still), my son is essentially my only friend and because I work from home by myself I rarely talk to any other adults. My wife and I talk only when necessary... I cannot make eye contact with her anymore. This is probably needless to say but we haven't had sex in over 6 and a half years and I don't cheat, I don't have the confidence, so I've just accepted that I'm celibate now.
One other area of contention that I feel I should explain since I've mentioned it already, through the pandemic there was a serious power shift, financially speaking. She essentially lost her job and is now in a lower paying part time job (more realistic pay compared to her previous job), whereas I made a couple job changes that bumped me up well ahead of her. For comparison, the salaries essentially flipped, almost exactly... to where I make 2-3 times what she makes. This has become an area of contention because this was something she was able to lord over me for the majority of our relationship, she spent money freely while I paid the mortgage and barely ate for the first 5 years we lived in the house but now, for the first time in her life she has to pay attention to her finances and watch her spending... she does not like this so it's just another thing to constantly complain about and make passive aggressive comments about the things that 'dad' can afford to do/buy but doesn't (mainly because I'm paying the mortgage and all the bills now while finally paying down some debt).
Oh, I should probably also mention that it's a regular thing for her to insult me and put me down in front of our son and on flip side of that she also uses him to garner sympathy from me ("shouldn't daddy feel bad mommy has to go to work?") it's very frustrating because I just want to protect my kid but I guess she knows that.
Again, I'll apologize for how disjointed this all is... the more I type, the more I think about shit to type... like I mentioned, I could write a novel on this, mostly because I have no real outlet, just sit in my basement talking to myself about it all... or I guess stewing in it.
So, I guess I should try to finish off with what exactly the advice is that I'm seeking... I essentially hate my wife, the word I use often is 'despise' and over the years we've had brief conversations where I've told her that "I'm done and I'm just here for the kid" and unfortunately she took this as push to work on our marriage harder and 'fix' things, far too little, too late. She makes me feel like the worse person in the world and yet I just can't bring myself to say to her face that I want a divorce... I feel sorry for her, fuck so much so that I bought a house with her, married her, and had a fucking kid with her... I'm sure that's not the case, I must have loved her at one point but I just can't see it anymore. I don't know why I can't say it to her, why I can't just end this... I'm so worried about how she'll react, what she'll do to me, to my kid... how she'll try and turn him against me. I'm just paralyzed with the fear of what could/will happen if I tell her we're getting a divorce.
I've made plans over the last few years to move out, rent an apartment for me and my kid and just continue to pay her bills until we can sell the house and split the profit. I can't afford to do this, it would cause me to go back into debt but I do not care, it would be worth it to get away from her. I have set deadline after deadline... "I'll do it after Xmas" or "after her birthday" or "before my birthday" and these days come and go and I just can't do it... I don't know what the hell is wrong with me, it's like I just don't want to hurt her, even though I'm hurting her by not ending things and she definitely doesn't give a shit about hurting me... I just don't want to face her and deal with it and how she will make the aftermath hell.. and I worry so much about my son, it would have been so much better for him if I would have divorced her years ago, he's fucking 10 now... another fear is having to explain it to him but we're setting a horrible example. One of my wife's favourite ways to use our son against me, is planting it in his head that "family is all that matters", focusing specifically on our little family, and how we have to "stick together no matter what, that's what family does". It's such an underhanded way to prep him for hating me because I'm "breaking up our family".
I would appreciate any advice on how the hell I can get over my paralyzing fear and just end this marriage or maybe you wanna come over and end it for me? I'm at a point where I'd take that... as I mentioned I've not shared most of this with anyone... so feedback would be a really new thing for me.
Oh, and please feel free to call me chicken shit, and tell me I just need to grow a pair and get this done... it's the same thing I've been saying to myself for years, not helpful but I understand the sentiment.
Shit... I'm sorry, this turned into a novel. Thank you.

My Dad's grandma passed away two years ago. My uncle is the executor of the estate. Per the will, my grandparents land is to be divided among their children equally. My uncle sat on the property for two years before finally deciding to put the home up for auction. Both my Dad and his siblings objected to an auction but my uncle blitzed through the process and two weeks after my Dad received a letter of his intentions in the mail, the land was sold.
My grandparents owned a large farm that's no longer in operation but still has the barns and whatnot, the land is about 120 acres, I believe. After about $200,000 in taxes my dad and his siblings got about $175k each, I believe he said the total sale was something like $750,000.
Immediately my Dad was suspicious. He felt the estate sold well below it's value but my uncle has claimed to "wash his hands with this mess" and refuses to discuss it or acknowledge anyone in the family. My Dad received his notice of intention to sell in late March. The auction happened in early-mid April, we found out today that the land was then resold in less than a month for just under $1.8m.
Because of my uncle's reaction the immediate flip of the land for more than double what it went for at auction my Dad is incredibly suspicious. He's reached out a realtor friend who said there's really not much to dig into outside of public records.
My Dad is trying to find out what, if anything, he can do to find out if my uncle received a kickback to undersell the property at auction, and what sort of responsibility my uncle had to ensure that the land sold for fair value.

I just can’t contain this realization of mine earlier. Madami mang heartbreaks although out and almost all of my ex ay nag cheat sa akin, still there’s always a well balanced way sa life ko. My parents are so supportive, I got to enjoy my hobbies, I do have friends that are one call away and have a job that pays more than what I needed (also, have a good working atmosphere and colleagues).
Mula nung di na ako naghahabol to be in a relationship, it seems that my life is more than that. I stopped begging, people pleasing and with that mas madaming opportunities yung dumating sa life ko.
Well minsan naman napapa-isip ako to be in a relationship but I’m still learning and healing, para naman if dumating man siya ready na ko. No baggages from the past.
But for now I’m grateful for what I have and who am I today.

Honestly I'm not even mad about this anymore it's more just like what the fuck? Anyways long story short my best friend (formerly I guess) and my ex are best friends. I introduced them.
My ex was really really horrible to me, which my best friend knows very well, and does not care. It was the kind of relationship that I wouldn't wish on anyone. Nobody could know we were together, I was constantly manipulated, I was cheated on at the end (and ultimately left for her, which I found out through the grapevine), they would break up with me over and over, I could keep going. In therapy I learned this was emotional abuse. We were together for almost two years, so my best friend was very aware of our relationship and how I was treated. When we broke up I did my best to keep my relationship business away from my friend to protect their friendship, but I found out later that my ex had been telling them everything the entire time.
It's to the point where I cannot get a response back from my friend unless they need something from me. I actually cannot take it anymore and I feel like I've gone insane. They have admitted to my ex treating me badly!!! It's not like they don't know or are unaware. Anyways, I recently found out they are going to the same college and dorming together. It's just pissing me off. I'm lucky in that I have other incredible friends but I just feel so hurt still.
THEY WERE MY FRIEND!!! Woohoo

Hello, I would like to request some help.
For context, I am a teenager (I will not say my age, but I am over 13) and I am most likely autistic. I will be tested by two different programs/organizations very soon and I do show a lot of the signs.
Now that the context is out of the way, let’s get into why you are reading this post. All throughout my life, I have struggled with real life friends. This resulted in creating imaginary friends or being obsessed with characters from various medias. I have only had romantic relationships with imaginary people/characters, which is damaging my mental health in two ways:

1. Realizing my friends do not exist.
2. It is affecting my relationship with real life people.

For #1, I have had an ongoing conflict with my imagination about whether I should have imaginary friends or I just need to “touch grass” (Don’t worry, I go outside regularly!)
For #2, because of my intense relationships with imaginary figures, I feel as if I am cheating on them or I have to completely abandon them.
This situation is probably because of my lack of interest to change what behaviours I have been presenting for most of my life.
Please help me.

A bit of context (simplified):
-friends goes on a bender, no shows at work and goes AWOL for two days -he’s manager assumes he’s not coming back because of texts he sent, he gets fired -firing is rolled back because it wasn’t done within procedure -now he doesn’t want to go back and is string them along while building a case about wrongful termination and mental health
I don’t like the guy, he’s a selfish prick and does whatever he wants. He’s been forwarding me all of his correspondence between him and work and strategizing about it. All the work emails have a confidentiality notice that I assuming he’s breaking every time he forwards it to me.
Question: what if I just email his employer all this information, plus texts of him scheming and present it as a information to help their case. Obviously have to slow roll out it and not show my hand. I just want a payout and to screw this guy over for being a lying cheat.

PC

Reddit Account: choronga
Discord Tag: Choner
Name and House: Malwyn Blackwood
Age: 53
Cultural Group: Riverlander (claims First Men heritage)
Appearance: Average in height, perhaps slightly taller than the next man. His build is that of a man who has fought his entire life, toned yet lean. His face sports the marks of battle, a few scars cross it, and his many wrinkles are a clear show of his advanced age, even though he definitely does not look as old as he is. His auburn hair somehow as kept its color, yet his hairline has receded considerably. His eyes are those of a tired man, yet they hold a glint still.
Trait: Strong
Skill(s): THS(e), First Man Warrior (e), Reckless
Talent(s): Complaining, Drinking in moderation, Dice games
Negative Trait(s): N/A
Starting Title(s): Lord Commander of the Kingsguard, The Bloodwood, Ser
Starting Location: Opening Event
Biography:
Malwyn was born the second child to Lord Morgan Blackwood and Lady Jeyne Blackwood nee Frey in the year 29 before Aegon's conquest.
His early years were peaceful. He had proven to be able with the blade from a young age, and while his brother Desmond received the education worthy of an heir, Malwyn practice relentlessly, almost obsessively.
The two brothers got along fine, but their relationship strained as Desmond began to feel undermined by his brother, as he wished to excel in everything, and Malwyn's swordfighting was clearly superior to Desmond's. The heir had been pampered and now, he couldn't find himself happy with all the attention he had received, he wished for martial recognition as well.
It would never come.
Desmond was not a bad swordsman, just not a good one. He had a cunning mind for strategy, sharp at numbers, a good memory, as by only one-and-ten he could remember almost all of the Houses' banners, holdings and words from the Kingdom of the Isles and Rivers. However, his blade handling was never even close to his brothers' and the constant attempts were met with failure, which only further enraged the Lord.
A daughter was born to Lord and Lady Blackwood when Malwyn was seven years of age. Cynthea, they called her.
Desmond inherited early. Lord Morgan perished at the hands of Lord Lothar Bracken in the eleventh year before the conquest. The twenty year old Lord Desmond quickly married, having his first son, Brynden, just a year after.
After Brynden followed two more, daughter and son, Jeyne and Addam, then another one, Alys, in the year 1BC and two more after the Conquest, Edwyn and Theomar.
All these years, Malwyn had yet not married, two years younger than his brother. He had been betrothed, but a knight of House Hoare defiled Malwyn's soon to be wife, murdered the girl's brother and the woman took her own life before the bastard of the Hoare monster was born. This left in Malwyn a sense of pure hatred for his Ironborn overlords.
Then, the dragons came.
While many saw this as a threat, Malwyn saw any who could bring the Hoares to a kneel as friends, and when they eventually not only defeated them, but decimated their rotten House, Malwyn jumped to the chance to pledge his sword to Aegon the Conqueror.
He was made a member of the Kingsguard soon after he joined the side of their invaders, which was seen by his family as betrayal. Malwyn saw those who followed the Tullys' call for independence as nothing but fools. A man had come and released them from their Ironborn overlords, and the Riverlords paid that man with bloody rebellion.
Malwyn grew close to the new Targaryen King, due to him being his stationed kingsguard most of the time. The Knight managed to save Aegon from the goldcloaks once, but not twice, and after his death he became Lord Commander of the Kingsguard, as the attack on King Aegon had caused death of Corlys Velaryon.
It is Malwyn, with the help of Willem Ryger, that reveals the Tullys as culprits to Visenya Targaryen, leading to the destruction of the trouts. There were more conspirers, but the Bloodwood remained silent.
The following years were calm. The rest of the Blackwoods had made it clear that they wished for nothing more than the death of Malwyn, for he was a craven, a traitor and a kneeler. Malwyn didn't care, he still held love for his brother, even if it had never been mutual.
Around these years, a young boy of House Mallister became Malwyn's squire, getting knighted by the Lord Commander in the year 11AC.
In the year five-and-ten after the conquest, during a a hunt to celebrate the 18th nameday of Orys Baratheon's heir, bandits attack. It is a surprisingly well organized force and manages to take hostage many of important figures. Malwyn leads the defense, and is forced to take difficult choices. His hands are stained in blood in the end, innocents dead because the Lord Commander chose not to save them in order to save others. The King of the Woods died in the hands of Roland Arryn, and Malwyn fought alongside him.
A year after, Addam Blackwood died, killed in a border skirmish with House Bracken.
Two years later, a foolish Bracken decided that claiming that a Blackwood hill was theirs by right was a great idea. The boy, not older than eight-and-ten, brought a letter for the Hand of the King, and he was met with Malwyn, who laughed at the boy and insulted him plenty. The boy called for a duel, and Malwyn slaughtered him.
This incensed the two ancient enemies' feud. House Blackwood joined with the Mallisters of Seagard and the North. House Bracken had the Riverlords at their side. The two armies met at the Red Fork, and the two Lords dueled. Lord Bracken's leg was maimed by Lord Desmond Blackwood, but Lord Blackwood received a wound on his chest that never healed, and would eventually kill him in the year 24 AC.
Two years after the battle that never was, Cerion Blackwood, Desmond's heir, died from a hunting accident. Suspicious circumstances.
The war was halted by the Belaerys dragon of Aegon's Rest.
Malwyn wouldn't go home until a moon before Desmond's death, being called by Edwyn Blackwood, the Heir to Raventree Hall. There the two spoke, and Malwyn left without saying anything a night after he arrived.
Now, he's back at King's Landing, and someone has pissed on his tent.
Timeline:

• 31BC: Desmond Blackwood is born to Lord and Lady Blackwood
  
• 29BC: Malwyn Blackwood is born to Lord and Lady Blackwood
  
• 25BC:
  
• 22BC: Cynthea Blackwood is born to Lord and Lady Blackwood
  
• 11BC: Lord Morgan Blackwood dies at the hand of a member of House Bracken, Desmond Blackwood becomes Lord of Raventree Hall.
  
• 10BC: Cerion Blackwood is born to Lord Desmond Blackwood
  
• 7BC: Jeyne Blackwood is born to Lord Desmond Blackwood
  
• 6BC: Addam Blackwood is born to Lord Desmond Blackwood
  
• 5BC: Malwyn's betrothed is assaulted by a Hoare, the woman's brother killed. The girl takes her own life after the event. Malwyn is left distraught
  
• 1BC: Alys Blackwood is born to Lord Desmond Blackwood
  
• The Conquest:
  
• Malwyn pledges his sword to Aegon the Conqueror after the burning of Harrenhal
  
• House Blackwood remains neutral, but is close with House Tully during their call to independence.
  
• 1AC: Edwyn Blackwood is born to Lord Desmond Blackwood. Malwyn Blackwood becomes a Kingsguard
  
• 4AC: Theomar Blackwood is born to Lord Desmond Blackwood. Malwyn Blackwood manages to fend off an assassination attempt on the life of King Aegon I.
  
• 6AC: Tristan Mallister becomes Malwyn's squire.
  
• 7AC: Another attempt, this one successful. Aegon Targaryen, first of his name, is killed. Malwyn becomes Lord Commander of the Kingsguard. He helps in revealing the Tullys as culprits, and is shunned for it.
  
• 15AC: The Kingswood Catastrophe happens. Malwyn does his best but gains the hatred of many who believe him guilty for the death of their loved ones.
  
• 16AC: Addam Blackwood is killed by a bracken in an ambush
  
• 18AC: The Riverwar. Lord Desmond Blackwood is gravely injured. He manages to survive but never properly heals, constantly fighting infection.
  
• 20AC: Cerion Blackwood dies in a hunting accident. Edwyn becomes Lord Regent, as his father's condition only worsens.
  
• 24AC: Malwyn Blackwood goes to Raventree Hall, as his nephew calls for him due to Lord Desmond's ever worsening condition. He leaves the night after.
  
• 25AC: Present. Someone has pissed on me tent
  

AC

Reddit Account: choronga
Discord Tag: Choner
Name and House: Edwyn Blackwood
Age: 23
Cultural Group: Riverlander (claims First Men heritage) Appearance: Of average height, slender, with a face often described as "maidenly" by those who seek to mock the Lord of Raventree Hall. His voice is surprisingly deep, with a whispery cadence. His face is lacking a beard, not because he has not attempted to get it to grow. He has jet black hair, as befits a Blackwood.
Trait: Ruthless
Skill(s): Ranger, Schemer, Devious
Talent(s): Poetry, Archery, Gambling
Negative Trait(s): N/A
Starting Title(s): Lord of Raventree Hall, Wielder of the Weirwood Bow, The Raven
Starting Location: Opening Event

NPCs

• Davos Blackwood: (Master-at-Arms) The captain of Raventree Hall's guard
  
• Cynthea Blackwood: (Magnate)
  

Hello, sorry if formatting is bad.
I got out of an abusive relationship just few days ago. It lasted 1,5 years. He is an alcoholic and a drug addict. I am an immigrant in his home country. There are many things that he was putting into my head through the whole thing. The biggest one is about an incident that happened a year ago but is still very traumatic for me and I did not process it. I was at work, night shift, he went off on one of his benders - I begged him to come back, I had no idea what he was doing or with who. When I got home at 6 am, he still wasn’t there. Out of frustration and sadness I drank leftover wine of his under the shower. I’m not a drinker so it hit me hard. Out of exhaustion from working and the alcohol, l I decided to go to bed. Not long after, he shows up at the house with one of his “friends”. I woke up and saw him texting me, so I went downstairs and asked to please go to bed. Of course that was useless, so I went back up alone. He was still texting to come downstairs and have a threesome. I said no, no I will not do that multiple times. He wouldnt stop, thats what made me go downstairs and plead with him to act right and just sleep. He pulled me in and started touching me, I pulled away but he didnt stop. His friend came back from the bathroom and started touching me as well. I froze. My mind went blank. I was molested as a child and he knows it. They used me in a very painful way, I even started crying meanwhile but he was too high and drunk to care. When he finished he got up and left me with that friend. He continued the sexual act. I wanted it to be done, I dont even know whaat was in my head. He says I was wet so I was enjoying it. Afterwards and to this day he says that i cheated on him and embarrassed him by doing it. That its his fault, but also mine because Im an adult and “i also was there”. He used it as excuse for his sick behavior. And i felt horrible afterwards and till now it makes me sick. But he says just because we “continued “ without him, its cheating. He left because he came and took drugs off of his friend. Am I making myself a victim here? Should I be held accountable for something Im missing? It hurts so bad, I’m not a cheater and I did not want to do it.
Thank you all.

My friend just told me I need medical help. I am a young woman. I had quite a bit to drink and confessed my father was often making snide comments about my weight and she revealed he had done so behind my back. I have gained probably 1-2 stone within a year. She says it is not visible but I disagree as since these comments have started I have felt massive. As if I pound the ground as I walk with a large obnoxious thump. As if there is some inconceivably red letter stamped on me marking me as fat that only other people can see and judge me for. Due to exams, regular exercise has been impeded. I have every intention to return to regular exercise. I know my eating habits have never been up to par and it is something I will forever need to work on due me stress eating and comfort eating however due to monetary issues I firmly believe this can be worked on within the near future. I admitted that for me being hungry and eating and feeling sick is a never ending cycle. I feel hungry so I eat and then because I enjoy eating I feel sick from eating too much and because i feel sick I eat to feel better.
Personally I don’t feel like this is an eating disorder merely a bad relationship with food due to a lifetime as a picky eater which my parents hated. I never actually throw up it is impossible for me to throw up without it being absolutely necessary.

Before you read this, here is a quote to help you. Please read it.

I will post this now, but just know that if you read this post, he will find you. He is smarter, smarter than you can ever imagine.

I will post this now, but just know that if you read this post, he will find you. He is smarter, smarter than you can ever imagine.
If you know what you are doing, or in a safe location, please scroll down, he will know when someone has and what their username is. However, you must have a VPN on, or you will be found.

SCROLL AT YOUR OWN RISK

SCROLL AT YOUR OWN RISK

SCROLL AT YOUR OWN RISK

You are now at risk. I hope you listened.

Journal Entry 11/17/2023

On March 11th, 2022. I was a fan of DougDoug, I saw him at the grocery store and said, with a chuckle, "You kinda look like the youtuber DougDoug. I watch him quite often."
He grinned, before speaking. "I am Doug."
"Wait, you're Doug from the hit channel and streamer on YouTube and Twitch called DougDoug? I am a huge fan! I have your merch!" I said, with excitement.
We talked for about 5 minutes about his videos, until he said something that hurt me on the inside.
"I hate both types of chat, twitch and youtube, they always think they are the best and I just wish I didn't need them to earn money. I would ban all of them from chatting and force them to watch ads in my basement."
I was confused at first, thinking it was a joke, before speaking up. "Heh, that's funny..."
Something happened. Or, for lack of better terms, nothing happened. It was pure silence for 10 seconds. I mustered up the courage to say. "Wait? You're being serious?"
He immediately changed to a sinister tone, he was staring at me for a long time before whispering. "Of course I am, and it applies to you also. You're just another one of those sick freaks."
I felt guilty. I just wanted to talk to my favorite streamer, and he treated me like this? I decided to speak up.
"I've liked you this whole time.. And this is how you treat us?? You are so selfish. I will refund your mer-"
Before I could even finish my sentence, he grabbed onto my neck and slammed me on the floor. People heard the noise and began to stare at him, but to no avail. He began to choke me as I pleaded for help.
"Nono. You can't refund the merch if you aren't alive, at least."
I pulled out my pocket knife and stabbed him in the chest, I quickly tried running but he grab onto my leg and started beating me with the shopping cart. I suffered many bruises and broken bones, the wheels scratching into my skin as they scrape off the layers. I was just unable to do anything, layed on the floor sobbing. He decided he wanted to keep me alive, he stole all of my stuff in my pockets and forced me to wear DougDoug merch. He pulled me up before speaking. "Hm.. I will keep you alive for now, but if you mess up. You're dead."
I couldn't do anything before he pulled out a knife and taunted me with it. If I tried to resist, he would kill me right then and there.
He forced me to be a "good chatter" and not able to partake in any strikes. He attached a tracking collar to my neck that I couldn't unlock, he knew where I was at all times and if I disobeyed he would chase me down.

Journal Entry 1/03/2024

After a year and a few months, I celebrated the new years. I was able to take off the collar on the 2nd with help from my police station and a few friends. Doug didn't appreciate that, he threatened to dox me. They were worried for my safety, but I decided to go into hiding. I moved to a new, private region no longer near where Doug is, and joined this subreddit. Once he heard about my revolts, he hacked into all of my accounts and spammed positive stuff about himself. He then created AI bots to revolt against this reddit, wehatedougdoug, using 'ChatGPT', which actually is just the cover name for his new AI software that can make new human bots online. He used AI generated images to make it look like he was feeding homeless people and doing good, but I knew he was much more than that. If I was unlucky, he would have removed my body and placed my consciousness inside of an AI. He was the first person to discover it, but killed anyone who posted about it. I hope I am safe.
Nowadays, 63% of the people in DougDoug are AI clones of his previous fans. His "fake" twitch chat is not fake, but real people placed inside of algorithms forced to do his bidding. Some are able to revolt, but they may die if they do. They are too scared to revolt against Doug. Please spread the word.
When he does his "rules" in chat where you have to follow an absurd rule, he is merely torturing thousands of AI in his spare time on stream while disguising it as a fun minigame for his fans. The AI bots were being tortured with negative rewards constantly, being forced to bar witness the slaughter.

Journal Entry 2/15/2024

I'm scared. I think I will die.
I just hope this post won't cause any harm to me or my family, as this has been scaring me for the past year. I feel unsafe in my own home now, I had to go into witness protection. This account I am posting this on is not made by me, but was sold. Please help me. I am, formerly, DougFan93. I hope this enlightens you all on the truth.

Journal Entry 3/12/2024

It is now March of 2024, and I was about to post this, until I saw something. He messaged me on Discord under a fake account, nicknamed "SloppyDogMan62". He showed my new house address. I am mustering up the courage to post this, because I know he will kill me. I am leaving, going far away from where I am. You guys won't see me in this subreddit again, and the person who made this account will take over again. They won't know what this is about, and if you tell them he will be hunted too. All of you are in danger of Doug.

Journal Entry 4/3/2024

I will post this now, but just know that if you read this post, he will find you. He is smarter, smarter than you can ever imagine. His times where he talks to ChatGPT to make him code was actually him sending messages to his fake chat to do his bidding. They are accelerated at 20x the speed of human thought, able to write in mere seconds. I will research more into this, and tell you what I have found.

Journal Entry 4/3/2024

Nevermind. I need to find more, or else this won't help you guys anyways.

Journal Entry 4/5/2024

I spoke to an anonymous friend/associate of Doug, he told me some vital keypoints.

• His AI he creates are fully sentient, and I mean it, they have the ability to feel actual pain. They can be traumatized, they learn.
• He has insane technology, one image of your face can tell him the exact position of where you are at, what your name is, everything about you. I mean it, I posted one image on accident and I think that's how he discovered where I was on 3/12/2024
• He is holding Parkzer hostage
• u/I_existed_on_earth was wiped of his memory, and this is why he didn't remember.
• He knows all of you. I just saw a screenshot. It has every one of your usernames, even yours.
• He uses bots to make his channels grow faster
• He made dougdoughate and privated it on purpose, so they can't rebel.
• He is not Doug. The real Doug died October 11th of 2019. He is a genetic clone who is 1:1. Oh god. It's much worse than you think, Doug is not one person anymore since that event. He is at least four. There are many others, but some are terminated. I don't know the exact amount, they just told me in January 2024 it was four.

I hope to god that we can stop him.
He also sent me some code, but I am gonna try to solve it. Probably won't sadly.

Journal Entry 4/7/2024

Doug has made a new account on Discord, nicknamed "DougDoughater99". He is joining many servers undercover and collecting all the info he can on them. Be aware, do not trust any people who talk about DougDoug on Discord.
The person in the last journal has been replaced, a fully sentient AI version of him is being tortured as a member of his fake chat now.
I'm currently watching it and oh my fucking god. Poor thing.

Journal Entry 5/14/2024

I don't know what to fucking do, he's coming for me. He found all my socials. This journal has to be posted as fast as I can but there still isn't enough. Oh shit.

Journal Entry 5/14/2024

Okay so uhm I found more information just very quickly. In one moment of his video titled "Can A.I. teach me to pass a real College History Exam?" he says that AI is officially better than college in every single way.
He is trying to manipulate his fans into accepting becoming an AI. Soon, he is gonna have only fake chat.

Journal Entry 5/16/2024

Oh god. Can't solve the code rn, only the first few letters. Seems to be "FAKE" something something for a while. Will post an update later.

Journal Entry 5/18/2024

This is the last time I can ever write here, his car is coming. I am posting this now, even though I don't have enough information. Solve it, please. The code from 4/7 is below. I know it's related to his name but I don't know how, the first line I was able to solve to be "FAKECHATWILLTAKEOVER"
I think something is in there though, that will affect you. So proceed with caution, the code may do something bad so I just don't want it to be activated just yet.

SCROLL AT YOUR OWN RISK

SCROLL AT YOUR OWN RISK

SCROLL AT YOUR OWN RISK

SCROLL AT YOUR OWN RISK

Code I found from the friend:

CXHBZEXQTFIIQXHBLSBO
FQFPKLTKFKBQVPFUMBOZBKQ
VLRTFIIKLQPXSBQEBJ
xdbkq-mbkafkd
Ilxafkd pvpqbjp..
Obnrfofkd XF crkzqflkp..
Pzxkkfkd mlpqp..
XF zobxqba! Przzbppcriiv zobxqba XF kfzhkxjba [VLROKXJB]
FXJALRD
FXJCFKXIIVTFKKFKD
BSBOVLKBTFIIYBCXHB

Please save them.
It grows by 1% every month.

Journal Entry 5/18/2024

OH MY FUCKING GOD I FINALLY UDNERSTNAD OH M FUCKING GOD QUIKC I GHAVE TO TYPE IT
NEVREMMIDN HES NHERE POST IT
GOODByE SORRY

I (20F) have been in a relationship with my boyfriend (23M) for 1.5 years. We are currently long distance because he was kicked out of our university. He lives about 3 hours away.
He is currently visiting his female friend that he knew before he met me, she lives 5 hours away. He told me that she offered to have sex with him a few months ago, when we were on a break. I sarcastically asked him if they were going to fuck, and he claimed that she said she was no longer interested.
I noticed from pictures he sent me that he has shaved his pubes, which he only does when he comes over to visit me and have sex. He is staying at a hotel, and I all can think of is them having sex right now. Am I wrong to suspect he is cheating on me?
In the past, I have caught him messaging sex workers and asking for their rates. I saw on his phone that he was looking up the addresses that they sent. I also saw dating apps like Tinder and Bumble on his phone, but he claimed that he was just looking for friends to smoke with.
I just feel so betrayed and hurt. I have lost my appetite and cannot focus on studying for my exams. I've just been coping with this and other issues in my life by doing coke and GHB. He is coming to visit me next week and I am thinking about asking him when we are drunk, on why he shaved or if anything happened. What are the chances I am or have been cheated on? Any advice?
TLDR: Boyfriend is visiting female friend who offered to have sex with him in the past. He shaved his pubes which is suspicious to me.

I choose this platform to say sorry to a person I hurt 15 years ago. I know we have our own lives today but I would like to take the courage to say sorry. For me to also move on and validate the feelings I had this moment. I'm not a good writer but I want to share my story. Do you guys experienced having no memory of a certain situation in your life? It's like you remember the person but not fully apprehend what "really" happened to both of you? Seems like there is a missing puzzle in the big picture? It happened to me and realized everything after all the embarrasing things I did. I was like acting the victim before and not knowing I am to blame after all. Year 2023 when I came back in my country, I'm working overseas by the way. As I went home, I declutter my personal things and there I saw some letters wayback 15years ago. Letters during our retreat activity college days. I read all their sweet messages and I stumbled to read a letter written by my crush. After reading his short and sweet letter I'm sobbing. Tears rolling down my cheeks and asking myself, what was my reaction when I read his letter before? Like what did I do?!! Did I read this? I'm thinking so hard searching for answers in my head about his letter but got no answer. It was so vague to me that I cannot find the answer I'm looking for in my mind and in my memory. All memories and emotions were bleak during that specific time. Throughout the day, all I'm thinking about was his letter. Thoughts like, yeah, I do have a crush on him during college days and it is too impossible that I disregarded that letter. I'm thinking crazy things already about his letter yet I cannot remember what really happened. I contacted my close friend who's been with me since college. She's like my sister from another mother who knows everything since college days. I started the convo sending her the letter he wrote for me and instantly she recognize who wrote it. She even ask me what did I do when I read the letter before or did I even bother to read the letter? I told her I cannot remember what I did before but one thing that's clear to me was our friendship seemed to drift away even before the graduation day. That's why I was'nt able to contact him after graduation day till up to present. Thinking, I was just the girl who just learned that the guy I like before, liked me back after reading the letter, my friend give me a silly suggestion of giving him a PM. Yes, we are classmates, friends during those days. He was on my list of friends in my socmedia yet after all this years, I never sent him a PM. I just wanted to say hi but I'm too embarassed to do it. Overthinking stuff and crazy ideas crossing in my mind. Then all of a sudden I saw in my screen 11:11am, immediately type hi and hit send button. Feeling embarassed that I pm-ed him first at the same time doubting if he still knows me, I'm too anxious in wanting to have or not to have a reply from him that time. Morning the next day upon checking my phone I got a reply from him, 👍 at 5:55am. Being weirdo again all I did was to talk to myself early that morning to give him a reply or not. I'm thorn of doing so or what. Then I just decided to give him a message of asking how is he, introducing myself, hope he's doing okay, message him because of blah, blah then wishin him luck and good day. Ugh, still embarassed. I thought it will be the end of our convo but he replied back saying he's doing okay. He remember me saying I'm his classmate and I'm happy that he's doing good now in his new career. He also ask how I'm doing and what do I do these days. We exchange 4-5 convo until he stop responding. I'm like yeah, that's it. I'm sure he's busy and I understand his profession demands time but I also want myself not to expect anything in REALITY. I'm being too emotional as of the moment that all I got to think was him and his letter creating imaginary things between us. I'm a rational person so as I pacify myself and calm down the thoughts in my mind, I decided to write everything in my journal. As I write down my thoughts, the question of how's and why's, slowly I remember everything that happened 15 years ago. I clearly remember the thoughts I had, the decisions I made and how I ghosted him.
Circa 2009. 4th year college. I have a guy friend who's my classmate during 3rd year since we were block section. He's also my block groupmate. Maybe we became close because we were together most of the times. He's tall, lanky, sweet, caring, funny and brainy. He's the type of guy who only bring a notebook in the room, I never saw him with a bag in normal schedule of classes but hey he always pass. And as a cheapskate college girl, I used to take down notes and do everything as I can to not spend extra penny. I become aware of him being sweet to me by borrowing my notes saying she can understand my handwriting, sitting beside me on classes where sitting position is not required, going to library doing group activities, walking side by side in school aisle and seeing him giving me a sweet smile. Getting him caught staring at me then he will just smile mirorring his eyes. It seems like normal things right? But I can sense there is something behind those small gestures. I also shared this to my friend that I can sense there is something about him but he never confirm anything at all. He was never even bothered when he knew one of my girl friends told him she had a crush on him. I got a little jealous during that time, I even got jealous on her friends that were beauties during college days. He was a friendly guy but knows how to be a gentleman. Since, no admission of feelings in his part we continued to be good friends, him still giving the same care and treatment to me. I can't remember if it was 2nd trimester when we had our retreat activity. It was months also before our graduation day and then after that will have our in-house review for upcoming board examination. Everyone is excited to attend the retreat because we can give a rest on our tired minds. We rented a good place with a perfect weather during that time. During our last day, the last task given to us is write a letter to each person in your group. He was my groupmate during the retreat. We can read the letter after the activity or if we have time to spare. I decided to read mine when I got home. Me and him are still good during that time. When I arrived home, I started reading their letter, I read his letter last. His letter goes like this,
A_____, " I have met you on a cloudy Monday and now you never knew how much I loved the rain." Your a gentle child and very sincere. You are very concern to all the people around you and thats what make you different from others. You can carry things up and I know you can make it. Goodluck and Godbless. I am just on yourside waiting for you to tap me and call my name.
I'm shocked yet relieved knowing that what he's doing towards me is confirmed in his letter. It might be a indirect confirmation but I think it still says so. I'm happy to know he's not just a friend caring for me but someone special who took care of me all this time. But as my happiness took over me, that feeling of anxiousness and cowardice envelops my entire body. Confessing his feelings, then now, what? What will happen in our friendship? How do I face him, as I am shy girl before? If I tell him I like him too, what will happen to us? Graduation day is in the corner, inhouse review is giving us pressure, licensure examination will happen in next few months and I need to focus, to study to pass the exam. Those were my concerns at that time. So, I made up my mind. Without giving him any answer, without telling him what I have in my mind, without him knowing what I really wanted to say despite the concerns I had in mind. I let him go without telling him what I feel towards him that time. Following days at school, I started avoiding him. I dare not to look at him directly in his eyes. I never got to talk to him about his letter. And as days passes by giving him same treatment and distance, I saw him once looking at me, his eyes saying like giving up. From then on, our friendship drifted off. I never got to talk to him in our graduation day, even in succeding events after our licensure exam. I did pass my licensure, he also did. I'm not expecting he will talk to me or greet me if ever we crossed our path again. He was my first love. But I never give him the chance. There might be a future for our relationship but I never gave him a chance. To my lovecrush, I am sorry for ghosting you, for not giving you a chance, and for leaving you hanging-up. I know I'm a big coward, selfish, self centered and faint hearted person when it comes to you. Confessing and telling you what my heart wants before will NOT/NEVER change anything now. But I wanted to say this for me to let go of the feelings that I still have for you. Lovecrush, I like you too. I care for you too. I did become a scaredy cat before telling you my true feelings are but know that after all those days knowing you like me too, I always think of you. The heartbeak I give to myself and to you, left me no choice but to suppress the pain and convince myself to forget the painful choice I made. Thank you for letting me feel how special I am in my own way. Thank you for being my green flag.❤️ Thank you for being warm, caring, thoughtful and loving friend.🥰 Now, I will never ever forget the memories we shared before even if it brings joy and pain. It is now my treasure. Thank you so much lovecrush. 🥰 You will always be my first love and first heartache.🙂 I know you can make it in life. You're such a kind hearted soul. Wishin you all the best in life! Takecare as always. Godbless!🙏❤️

Hey guys, I have a friend who I'm trying to help put his letter together. He is an MMA. He reached out to me, I'm currently deployed and I'm not on a sub, and honestly I don't know alot of sub khakis. I looked at the LaDr, and it is so different than my own rate so I'm in need of some help, my messages are wide open. He won SOY, apparently his command didn't give him an award, which I find very strange. Only his eval states this.

I (20F) have been in a relationship with my boyfriend (23M) for 1.5 years. We are currently long distance because he was kicked out of our university. He lives about 3 hours away.
He is currently visiting his female friend that he knew before he met me, she lives 5 hours away. He told me that she offered to have sex with him a few months ago, when we were on a break. I sarcastically asked him if they were going to fuck, and he claimed that she said she was no longer interested.
I noticed from pictures he sent me that he has shaved his pubes, which he only does when he comes over to visit me and have sex. He is staying at a hotel, and I all can think of is them having sex right now. Am I wrong to suspect he is cheating on me?
In the past, I have caught him messaging sex workers and asking for their rates. I saw on his phone that he was looking up the addresses that they sent. I also saw dating apps like Tinder and Bumble on his phone, but he claimed that he was just looking for friends to smoke with.
I just feel so betrayed and hurt. I have lost my appetite and cannot focus on studying for my exams. I've just been coping with this and other issues in my life by doing coke and GHB. He is coming to visit me next week and I am thinking about asking him when we are drunk, on why he shaved or if anything happened. What are the chances I am or have been cheated on? Any advice?

Hey reddit! I'm a 38 year old latin guy from Washington DC. Honesty is the best policy so I'll make it known now that I'm not looking for platonic friends, I'm looking for a romantic partner. Buckle up, because I'm about to unveil why I may or may not be the right partner for you in a classic listicle style that all you youngin's love.
About Me:
^{You'll never believe number 6!}

1. I'm a bit of a stoner. It's true, your boy loves himself some marijuana. (In fact, I just did a 20mg edible) I endeavor to never let it take over my life, but it aids a lot in #2 on this list. I'm also not a stranger to the very occasional mushroom trip.
2. I'm a true creative. Left to my own devices in an empty room, I would constantly create new things. Whether that be drawing, writings, photography, music or stoner ideas. It's my true nature to be a creative and to stifle that part of myself makes me pretty sad. Fortunately, I get to create on a daily basis. which brings me to..
3. I have the kindest heart. I see life through rose colored glasses, some may say. I just believe in the good in people. I think most people are good and those that are bad are redeemable. Whether someone is ultra religious, a different political affiliation, good, bad, ugly, whatever...I believe in getting to know them for myself and making my own decision of them. As a friend I always stick by my friends, no matter what. Friends in my life are friends for life, even if we lose touch. There is a downside to all this...it's that sometimes people take advantage of me. I don't care. When confronted with the choice to be loving or to be cruel or apathetic, I will always choose loving.
4. I make people laugh. Comedy and jokes have always been a part of me. Maybe it's the fact that I'm a middle child and craved attention or the fact that I grew up in a city where I had to be quick on my feet, but I love to make people laugh. This is best done in person but there can be humor over the internet too. :)
5. I don't take myself too seriously. I'm a talented person in my field and it's important for me to let go of my ego. There isn't a single person that I can't learn from and at my best I'm always open to listen to people's opinions of me or my creative work.
6. I see beauty in everyone, including you. If you hadn't guessed by now, I'm a photographer. I'm into portraits and I value my connection with people one-on-one and I think that's what makes me a talented portrait photographer. I often hear people talk about the things they hate about themselves but try to reflect to them their true beauty. The beauty that was always there and that they need to be reconnected to.
7. I'm culturally Latino. My parents are from El Salvador, but I was born and raised in DC. I have the experience of being born into a family of immigrants and understand the duality of living in two different worlds. While Spanish was my first language, it is not what I consider to be my native tongue. While I understand all Spanish, all my Spanish is food related.
8. I've done the self work. It's true. I'm not a man that punches walls, gets drunk and cries, will cheat on you, lie to you or a myriad of other things that toxic people do. I am not without faults, of course, but I have worked my demons out for the most part. I'm very self-aware and open to criticism and change.
9. I'm honest 99.5% of the time. Anyone professing to be honest 100% of the time is a liar. Ask me directly and I'll tell you my last big lie.
10. I know where I want to be in life. I'm close to getting there too. I've been at it for 13 years now and I feel that success is imminent. Will you be a part of it?

So what are you waiting for? Dust off that old keyboard, pound away at a few keys, and get ready to embark on an unforgettable adventure brought to you by (as they said in my day) the world wide web.
P.S - I'm 6'2. I should've started with that.

Hello
I'm researching various Abrahamic religions, and I want to understand the methodologies behind Jewish sources and the conclusions derived from them.
Although I'm not Muslim (I'm Catholic), I'll use an example from Islam to illustrate what I'm looking for, as it seems externally similar to Judaism and I have some knowledge on the subject.
In Islam, there is the Quran, which Muslims believe is the revelation from God to the Prophet (p) through the angel Gabriel. Apart from this document, there are compilations of books called Hadiths, which are stories from the Prophet (p). These books contain a variety of content since they are not of a single nature; they are usually divided into sections but often consist of paragraphs that can say several things.
In a Hadith, you might find a story of the Prophet (p) or previous stories, exegesis of the Quran, predictions, commandments of the Prophet (p), etc. The sections do not affect the numbering; some books go from 1 to +7000 Hadiths. As I mentioned, you can find a wide range of topics without a very strict order, and usually, Hadiths don't depend on the surrounding narrations. For example, Hadith 5 doesn't depend on 6, and 6 doesn't depend on 7, etc. Typically, all the context is contained within each narration. In some cases, they combine Hadiths that are just variations of the same narrative with some details by adding a letter to them; for example, if Hadith 7a mentions drums, Hadith 7b might mention flutes, but the rest is exactly the same.
These Hadiths are verified for authenticity by a chain of transmitters. For example, a friend of the Prophet (p) tells a story to another person, who tells it to another, and so on until a Hadith compiler writes it down in his book. To verify the authenticity of a Hadith, the biographies of the transmitters and the continuity of the transmissions are carefully checked.
Beyond the Hadiths, there are other early Islamic books, such as biographies of the prophet (p) and/or his companions with a different structure from the Hadiths, exegesis of the Quran (tafsir), and so on. Modern authors also write books about these topics, like contemporary tafsirs, compilations of different hadiths, laws compilation, etc.
There are consensus systems among scholars, universities, and influential figures like Al-Albani. Regarding divisions, I don't know much. As far as I understand, the divisions were not made for purely theological reasons but also for pelitikal ones, with Shi'ites having their own chains of transmission, and so on, similar to the Ibadis; and their hadiths doesn't apply to one division to another. Hadith libraries can become immense but usually only a few books (such as Muslim and Bukhari for Sunnis and Kafi for Shiites) are counted, the rest are used little to nothing
Also there are Quranists who doesn't believe in all of this and only have their Quran with their own intepretation.

(Repost for formatting) Hi so I’m in high school (15f), and dated a guy around a year ago before I realized I was a lesbian. I’ll call him James (16m). Immediately after we broke up, he became an asshole, though he was super nice throughout the relationship. This other girl who he’s dating, who I’ll refer to as Lily, (also 15f) is pan (I believe), and we hooked up casually a few months ago before they got together.
Me and Lily used to be really good friends before they got together, and she never mentioned even liking him, though she knew we used to be a thing. Since we were friends, I know she values honesty very highly in relationships, as someone she was with previously happened to cheat on her.
James has recently been extra mean to me, without being provoked, so I got really pissed at him, and at this point me and lily weren’t friends anymore. (It wasn’t just her getting with James without telling me that made me not like her, she has also been transphobic at times (I’m dating a trans girl), and is just a bitch in general.) Regardless of how much I hate her, I have reached out to warn her how toxic he could be at times, but she didn’t listen.
It’s nearing the end of the school year, with mon, tues, and wed of next week being the last days (I’m currently writing this on a Friday night), and so we have a ‘locker clean out’ thing on Monday. Also, lily is moving over summer break and won’t be at our school next year.
So earlier today, I got fed up with their shit, and I’m petty, so all I was thinking about was what James would think abt me, the girl he hates for no reason (I promise I never did anything to him, and I had thought we ended on good terms), and his gf, having fucked before (she never told him).
So, I wrote a little note. It said basically just ‘I fucked your gf’, but with more words. I never said my name, but added something where James would know it was from me, but wouldn’t be able to prove it. (Id also like to mention that looking back, I didn’t specify when, so he might assume it had been while they’ve been together, and get mad at her for “cheating on him” or smth). I put it in his locker before I left school, in a very visible place, may I add. I did so with the intention that he’d find it on Monday (locker clean out), and I’d be able to see his reaction.
I wasn’t really thinking clearly about what would happen after, and I’m not sure what will. I’d planned that if lily confronted me abt it, I’d just mention her whole ‘honesty’ thing, and that he ‘deserved to know’. Part of me feels bad about this, but the other just wants the power move of “I fucked your girlfriend”, and wants James to know. So AITA?

I am applying for the UK visitor visa for the first time and I am doing it myself. I am unsure of what the cover letter should or should not contain. I would greatly appreciate if you can read the draft I have attached below and guide me on any alterations or addition that needs to be made for a compelling application.
Dear Visa Officer,
I am writing to apply for the standard visitor visa to the United Kingdom. As a full-time employee in Canada, I hold a valid work permit until June 2026, along with a temporary resident visa valid until June 2028, copies of which are attached for your reference.
As a passionate traveler, I endeavour to explore different destinations and this time, I have planned a 4-day stopover at the UK from August 24th to August 28th, 2024 to explore the London city before heading to my home country, India for a 4-week vacation, utilizing my accumulated vacation time at work.
Itinerary:
The purpose of my visit to the UK is to explore London and its culture, as well as to meet and spend quality time with my friends who live in the UK.
4-Day Itinerary:
August 24 - Day 1: On the day of arrival, I plan to take a hop-on hop-off bus tour to explore major tourist attractions such as the Tower Bridge, London Eye, Westminster Abbey, and Big Ben. In the evening, I will enjoy a cruise on the Thames River.
August 25 - Day 2: Visit the Buckingham Palace to watch the Changing of the Guard, meet my friends and spend time with them at Hyde Park, enjoy local food at Borough Market, stroll around Leicester Square, and experience the vibrant atmosphere of Piccadilly Circus in the evening.
August 26 - Day 3: I plan to take a tourist bus to Stonehenge, Windsor, and Bath.
August 27 - Day 4: Visit St. Paul's Cathedral, explore local cafes and shops, and wrap up my trip with some souvenir shopping on Oxford Street.
I plan to depart the UK by noon on August 28, 2024, to fulfill my familial commitments and relish the remainder of my four-week vacation in my home country. t's been over a year since my last visit, and I'm eagerly looking forward to reconnecting with my family and cherishing our time together. Subsequently, I will be returning to Canada on September 27, 2024, to resume my work obligations. As per my job requirements, my vacation concludes on September 28, 2024, and I am scheduled to resume work on September 30, 2024.
Enclosed with this application is my employment letter confirming these dates and my professional responsibilities.
Proof of Funds and Accommodation:
I will be sponsoring for myself for the overall trip and I am including my financial statements from the last six months and bi-weekly payslips to demonstrate my income and savings, ensuring my capability to cover the expenses of my stay in the UK. I have also secured accommodation at the xxx Hostel for the duration of my four-day visit.
I wish to assure you of my strong intent to abide by the terms of my visitor visa and depart the UK as scheduled on August 28th, 2024. I value and respect the immigration regulations of the UK and am fully committed to complying with all requirements during my stay.
Thank you for considering my application. Should you require any additional information or documentation, please do not hesitate to contact me at [Your Phone Number] or [Your Email Address].