The Flying Dutchman was shattered into pieces. Various bits of wood and large chunks of the ship were scattered across the sea. Jormungandr breathed heavily, poisonous blood pouring out of countless wounds in his body and turning the sea purple.
Odin had a wide smile on his face, not bothering to hide his joy at Jormungandr's impending death. The rest of the gods were grimacing.
"Looks like Jormungandr wasn't strong after all," one said.
"He's just some overgrown snake," another stated.
"Odin just sent him in here to die. He's a damn coward that's willing to let us gods lose if it can save his son's life," a third mocked.
On what was left of the ship's crow's nest, the Captain stood. He laughed as he hoisted a canon over his shoulder. There wasn't a single wound on his body. Humanity and the other archetypes cheered the Captain on.
"You can do it!"
"You've got him on the ropes! Take him out, now!"
"Finish this, Captain!"
"I've got you now, beast!" the Captain declared. "Greatest of all sea monsters! Your death will be my greatest achievement!"
"You still call me a sea monster?" Jormungandr glared.
"Hey! You should be proud of yourself! Nothing but the sea could have made something as glorious as you!"
The Captain motioned around himself.
"Look at the glistening waves, the shining water, the vastness. Isn't the sea beautiful? Have you ever taken a moment to enjoy it?" he asked.
Jormungandr looked around. The Captain was right. Jormungandr had been so consumed by rage and hatred that he had never tried to enjoy the ocean.
A sense of peace came over Jormungandr. He saw the waves, the water, and how vast the ocean was. It made him feel small. Jormungandr liked that feeling. The sea made him feel nostalgic, reminding him of when he was a normal-sized sea serpent. These waters made him forget about his hated current form.
"After this, I will stay on the surface more often," Jormungandr decided.
"There is no after this, I'm afraid," the Captain aimed his canon. "This is the end for you."
The canon ignited with a loud explosion. Flushed with new energy, Jormungandr smacked the cannonball aside with his tail. It slammed into the mast under the Captain, destroying it.
There was a crash as the Captain fell and collided with the bits of the ship below. He stood up, blood from minor scratches on his face, and grinned. The Captain grabbed the mast of the ship like a pike.
"Alright, Jomungandr, I'm coming for you!" the Captain shouted.
"I'd be willing to surrender, but it's...death or glory, you called it?" Jormungandr asked.
"Yes! To win glory in victory or die at sea! That is the only path I can take!"
The Captain jumped into the water and swam at Jormungandr, fighting back against the poisonous blood in the water. Normally, the sea serpent would have dodged the attack. However, it was filled with pain from its countless wounds. Jormungandr was not fast enough, and the Captain's weapon pierced deep into the monster.
Its blood poured out like a waterfall, crashing onto the Captain. His veins bulged, his body cringed inward, and his mouth opened to let out a scream of agony. Instead, poison flowed into his mouth and down his throat.
He thought he could close up the wound with the mast to keep blood from coming out. The Captain thought that he'd die smiling if he died in this battle.
Instead, his body faded into a green mist as he died in agony.
"Unfortunate. Truly unfortunate," Herman Melville wiped away his tears.
"So long, Captain," Robert Louis Stevenson clasped his hands in prayer.
"Heh," Blackbeard gave a sad smile. "He died like a true pirate."
"Yes. Charging headfirst into glory or death," Ching Shieh agreed. "Though, dying of old age is better in my opinion."
For a moment, silence overtook the arena. Heimdall flew to the water's surface to confirm the Captain's death. Then, he spoke into his horn.
"The winner of Round 2 of Ragnarok is the gods!"
Jormungandr vs. The Captain.
Victor: Jomungandr.
Match Length: 18 minutes and 38 seconds.
Deciding Move: Captain's Charge.
Humans 1 - 1 Gods.
Who do you think is fighting next?

Over the course of my 4 year marriage to my partner, I have arrived at the position that I was abused, manipulated, and functionally enslaved to a mentally ill partner.
In simplest form, the progression is apparently observable. She was diagnosed with cancer in October of 2019 while we were engaged. Due to the diagnosis, we moved up our actual marriage date (our wedding was still set for mid-April) to December 1, 2019. Her surgery was December 13, 2019. In my compassion for her, I agreed to move our wedding date up to offset her anxiety around who would be responsible for her if things went south with her surgical treatment.
Our first month of marriage was straightforward; she was on pain meds recovering from surgery, so the main engagement that occurred was me walking her up and down the hospital hallway as she recovered and trying to meet her base physical needs of hygiene, food, and presence. We stayed in the hospital for 2-3 weeks (with recurring hospital visits for complications).
Quickly after we figured out our marital living situation in her small 3-bed apartment with 2 roommates, our relationship devolved. Specifically, she was irritable because of the pain she was in, causing her to lash out at me with regular frequency for small things. If I didn’t put clothes away in the right place, didn’t anticipate her needs (without her communicating them), or ate the wrong food in front of her she would shout at me and decry me for my thoughtlessness.
These small, critical engagements were wounding and created a distance between us – and there was no upside. She was never kind, never paid mind to needs I might have, and started down a path of cultivating a root of bitterness in her soul. She quickly revealed herself to be venomous, hateful, and vindictive when she felt like she was wronged — and any observation of concern about our marriage resulted me in being accused of being mean or insensitive, even if I spent hours or days calculating the best way to share my concern (and I have a master’s degree in communication where I focused in studying disagreement — I know how to carefully package concerns).
During this time, I worked hard to provide for us, foreseeing a significant time period where I would have to be primary financial provider and caregiver. I increased my income each year we were married by around 25%, finishing our marriage at >$80,000 in yearly income, compared to starting our marriage at a modest $42,000 salary (including dramatically improving our healthcare). Frankly, I increased my income to provide for us in spite of the lack of support at home.
But to be clear: I don’t think it would have been particularly difficult to provide financially if I had an ounce of support at home.
However, the relentless criticism and expectation of mind-reading continued through the years. I rationalized this abuse for the first year of our marriage because of all the excuses to be cruel, she had a good one – she had cancer. I hung onto a hope that it would stop. Contrary to my hope, as the years went on – and our expenses climbed – and I continued to work myself to the bone – she continued to relentlessly critique and even started being more emotionally demanding, expecting me to take responsibility for her inability to cope with her emotions – I was drowning. She was asking too much of me. There was no deliverance from her abuse.
I was exhausted. In the peak of the abuse I endured at her hand, I was working multiple jobs, sleeping 10+ hours a night and napping frequently during the day around meetings and work, then coping with alcohol to numb myself to the abusive dynamic and fall asleep with no support from her. The only time I could approach her sexually was when I was intoxicated, with inhibitions lowered. The only time I could have a conversation with her was with a counselor in the room. Without something to mitigate opportunity for her to be cruel to me, either a mediator or self-medication, I was scared.
I lived at home in a constant state of alert and cognitive fatigue. No matter how I tried to make sense of my home life, I couldn’t. When she looked at or touched me, I would recoil in fear, anticipating some sort of incisive critique or demand expressed. Then she would criticize me for not responding warmly to her, exacerbating the cycle.
I couldn’t meet her needs – I was utterly exhausted. When I would tell her of the exhaustion I experienced in marital counseling, her responses were typically something along the lines of not believing me, denying what I was saying was true, or calling my exhaustion an ‘excuse’. I could interact happily with my friends… why not her?
I did not deny her demands were legitimate; rather, I expressed my inability to meet them because of how fatigued I was. I said ‘I can’t’ so many times. I realize her demands were small; affection, saying ‘i love you’, complimenting her. But it’s disorienting to be consistently berated and belittled by a person and then asked to compliment them and tell them you love them.
The push and pull of abuse is exhausting to a person who is not mentally because it does not make sense.
Further, in counseling I realized that I have forgotten that I have needs. I have lost the tools to even evaluate what my needs might be because, implicitly and explicitly in my marriage, I was told my needs don’t matter.
My marriage made no sense; I was obviously drowning, exhausted with the demands our life imposed on me. I was doing everything I could to get straight. I was in individual therapy, marital counseling, pastoral counseling, trying different antidepressants (4 in total – all with no effect), changing eating habits, trying to reduce my drinking, getting medical tests to see if I had health issues causing my fatigue, and being vulnerable in my friendships in an attempt to invite others in to process and move forward and figure out my marriage. I desperately shared everything I could about my marriage, hoping someone else would crack the code where I couldn’t.
None of my efforts worked. I could not get out of the exhausted state I was in. It’s worth noting here that within weeks of separating I almost completely cut out alcohol, got into a regular sleep schedule, was waking up at 6-7am every day and reading multiple hours (which I couldn’t do in marriage due to cognitive fatigue/distraction), and experienced a resurgence of energy. I have felt the duress I was under lift and lift and lift and the weeks and months have went on.
In retrospect, I was experiencing cognitive fatigue because I was taking the demands my wife was placing on me seriously, but no matter what I did I could not make sense of them. How could she not see that I was doing everything I could to make ends meet – the ends which she was imposing on me? I did not have additional energy left. She would ask me ‘Do you love me?’ and I didn’t know how to respond. How is my work not at least some symbol of love? My dream was to be a poor professor, which she knew – instead I was grinding myself to the bone, working in digital marketing with multiple freelance projects, picking up a bartending gig and a teaching gig on top of full-time employment.
The last straw was when she accused me of abuse. I took that accusation seriously, and weighed it against my experience. ‘Am I an abuser?’ I asked myself. I sorted through my behavior and how I treated her. I came to the conclusion that I may be a poor husband in serious ways; but I am not an abuser. And the abuse question opened the door to the question… ‘I may not be an abuser… but is there abuse in our marriage?’ And the answer quickly became ‘Yes.’
When we were married, I understood that she wasn’t going to work much for a while. However, she worked the bare minimum she could for 4 years, earning at most in a single year $18,000. As the years went on and my income climbed, our debt continued to climb as well. She was still contributing the same, yet spending frivolously on useless knick knacks for our home and a cat. As I packed up our home to sell, the majority of items were dozens of boxes of useless junk she’d accumulated.
She lived a life of mania around finances. We would go to marital counseling and she would regularly express, ‘I would rather be poor and happy than rich and sad’. We were poor and sad. Sure, my income was the highest it’d ever been – but we were still drowning, with debts climbing. At the end of our marriage, we’d accumulated about $20,000 in consumer debt between credit cards and personal loans.
It was traumatizing (and abusive) to go to counseling and be told by my partner she would ‘rather be poor and happy and than rich and sad’ when the factual scenario we were living was neither. She actively denied reality – both my lived experience and the reality of our finances – at my expense. It was killing me, trying to make sense of what we were going through but being unable to make sense of what I was being told and what I was experiencing.
Throughout this time, it is worth adding that she also leveraged my spiritual leadership to ‘set me straight’. I was in a conservative Evangelical space, believing that men are the ultimate provider in a family unit and primarily responsible for the status of the marriage. Because I was not doing what she wanted me to (lavishing her with affection), I was muscled into multiple groups and meetings where pastoral care intervened to restore our marriage. In the moment, I submitted to my pastoral care because of my trust for them and my faith in God. Now, I believe this dynamic was abusive; my pastoral care did not care in any sense for my soul; they only cared about fixing my marriage. No questions around ‘why’ my marriage was so bad were asked; only what was going on and how it could be fixed. I relish the thought of my pastoral care being held accountable for the abuse they exercised upon me during this time on judgment day, albeit through a shaken faith in a God that would enable this dynamic.
With my spiritual community, I shared that I felt like she was my tormentor; that she it felt as if I were on the ground due to exhaustion, and she was standing on my throat, telling me to ‘get up’ and ‘tell me you love me’; that our metaphorical life was a boat, sinking, and I was desperately bailing out water. All the while, she stood at the other end of the boat, desperately bailing water in and looking at me like I was a maniac.
And yet, because there was no adultery, there was no category for divorce. We had sworn an oath before God and were required to fix this.
As I reflect upon my marriage (and the ongoing divorce proceedings), a few things are clear.
She is an abuser. I don’t think she intends to be, but impact matters. She is mentally ill and unable to reckon with basic reality.
She is a manipulator. She manipulated my spiritual community against me. I was viewed as someone to be corrected while begging for help from my trusted friends and pastoral care, whom I now regret being vulnerable with due to their abuse and denial of my reality because I didn’t fit neatly into their thin theological categories.
She is an enslaver. In divorce proceedings, she is doing everything she can to get every dollar from me, leveraging student loans I did not co-sign, my continually increasing income due to my hard work, and denying every claim of dissipated assets she can.
It is truly a mind-breaking experience to see your compassion leveraged against you for money. I had to sit under an attorney proclaiming to a judge that, since I consented to move up our marriage date before her cancer surgery, ‘I knew what I was getting into’. That she is entitled to large sums of money (that do not exist; we never had more than $3000 in our bank account during marriage) due to that decision.
Even apart from the abuse, I did not know what I was getting into. Including the abuse, I am full of remorse for having invited such an evil, hateful person into my life.
This experience has been the most challenging to my faith. As I endured abuse from her, I trusted God in a few ways. That the compassion I showed would maybe be rewarded – or, at least not punished. That my spiritual community wanted what was best for me. That God was not a punitive, hateful God (like my partner). I do not believe this trust was well placed, but am open to shortcomings in my views here.
I struggle to consent to a God that allowed my experience to occur. I’m open and processing in some kind of faith, but I really don’t know what it looks like to find a place to put this pain and betrayal that I’m experiencing.
I am a survivor of abuse, and the abuse I endured was mind-shattering. I sacrificed everything to support a partner diagnosed with serious bodily illness, which drove her to hate me and deny my lived experience because she could not reconcile it with the hatefulness she cultivated over our marriage, choosing bitterness over any positivity for four years, poisoning my well-being in the process.
What I envisioned to be the most compassionate moment of my life — marrying a person with cancer and promising to support and love them — has become nothing but a symbol of pain and remorse. I envisioned a life where my partner and I would fight against the terror of cancer; instead she hopped to the other side, choosing her ongoing health issues as the ally and myself as the enemy.
It took me 4 years to realize it. And as she drags me through court to leverage every dollar out of me I can, my only regret is that I didn’t leave my abuser to her own devices sooner; self-pity, hatefulness, and a sheer disregard toward taking responsibility for anything.
I am grateful but drowning. As we are negotiating settlement, the end is near, and my abuser will soon be unable to execute any influence in my life.

My world keeps getting smaller. Everything I love is slowly being taken away. I used to read until the sun came up, now reading hurts. I used to draw all day, now I can barely manage half an hour. I used to play World of Warcraft well into the night, now it hurts my head in less than an hour.
I'm always dizzy, always, and the pain has gotten worse. I'm housebound and slowly working my way to becoming bedbound as I find I have to lay down more and more. I spend all day with my legs elevated because otherwise I get nauseous and even more dizzy, but even then I struggle to function.
I'm not afraid of death, but I am afraid of suffering, and I'm already losing the things that entertain me and bring me some ounce of fulfilment, to be replaced with darkness and silence because everything else hurts.

Hello! I've recently gotten a good bit of dental work done. About a month ago I got a filling on my bottom right molars with no issues, and then about two weeks ago I got a filling on the upper right (may 6).
So for the past week to week and a half, I've started to have pain. After a few days of this I called my dentist and they said they could get me in May 22nd. So I've been dealing with the pain until then.
The pain is happening in my upper tooth after I eat, and sometimes the lower tooth hurts as well but it's not as bad or as consistent. I would describe the pain as a dull ache. It's usually okay in the morning, then I eat lunch and it's a little sore, then I eat dinner and it aches until I take painkillers. As time goes on, the pain is getting slightly worse, and now painkillers aren't always effective at easing the pain.
It's not a pain that is stabbing, throbbing, worse at night/waking me up, etc. but it is getting more persistent the past couple of days.
At first I was pretty confident that I needed a bit adjustment, especially since the bottom tooth hadn't hurt at all until I got the top filling and the dentist didn't say that the top filling was deep (she's been good at communicating this kind of thing so far). But now as it's getting continuously worse, I'm getting so anxious that I'm going to need a root canal - or even two, since both teeth are hurting.
I know it's impossible to know until I go in for my appointment, but I would like to know what I'm likely dealing with because it's been worrying me a lot. Is this a typical issue if I need a bite adjustment? Or does the level of pain sound like it's leaning towards root canal?

I had FESS 20 days ago mostly to clean out and open my maxillary sinus passages up to resolve a 3 year infection. It took me three upper root canals and years of severe upper molar pain before I figured out it was a sinus issue.
I am now 20 days post-op and I am still having a deep cough. The cough is worse at night and sometimes it is a little productive but generally it is just dry. I have also been short of breath which is concerning me the most but I try not to panic as unnecessary trips to the ER always lead to regret. I am wondering if the constant cough has stressed my lungs causing me to feel short of breath.
Has anyone been thru FESS and had a cough with some shortness of breath at the 3 week post-surgery mark?
All of the info from my surgeon makes it sound like I would be feeling pretty good a few days after surgery but I suspect if they told the truth no one would have the surgery done.

Previous Part
Morning eventually came, banishing the eyes that seemed to peer at me through the night. It was strange how suddenly the feeling left me, making me think that someone really was watching me. The whole thing was really doing wonders for my paranoia. Despite the rough morning and sleepless night, I still found myself waiting outside Bianca’s house bright and early that morning. The air was cool but not chilly, one of those perfect days that’s cold enough you’ll never start sweating unless you really try, but warm enough that a T-shirt will get you through without too much trouble.
I only had to knock once before Bianca threw open the door.
“Where you just waiting there for me?”
I asked, cracking a smile and raising an eyebrow.
“You’ll never know” she added playfully, “Are we ready to go then?”
Bianca had made some preparations for the trip, she didn’t have a backpack ready to go but she definitely made an effort to dress the part… sort of. She was wearing an old grey combat jacket that I imagine she pulled out of Stein’s closet. The jacket was way to big for her but she made it work. Her combat boots matched the jacket, looking old and well worn. What didn’t match was the bright red yoga pants she was wearing, but I wasn’t about to complain. Besides, I had packed each of us a spare set of clothes just in case.
“Oh! So I had an idea, its a long walk, not crazy but I’d rather not just walk the whole way if we can help it. Frank and Stein used to have some bicycles when we first came here so I asked them about it and well.”
Bianca chirped, as she led me around the back of the house and pulled a tarp off two abysmal looking bicycles. The bikes were both red at one point but that was a long time ago. Now they were covered in a layer of rust and I could barely make out the branding that may have once read, “Shwinn”.
“Um… Bianca I think I might get tetanus if I sit on that thing.”
“Oh come on! Aren’t you tired of walking everywhere? Lets just give the bikes a shot, if they crumble to dust we can leave them.”
“And get me a tetanus shot.”
I added quickly
“Fine, and get you a tetanus shot.”
Bianca shot back, she feigned annoyance but she couldn’t hide the smile that crossed her face.
Laughing to ourselves, we got on the bikes and took off North, out of town and onto a dirt path leading to the woods. Bianca didn’t say much on the way out but I could tell she was having a good time. This may have been her first time out of the house for something other than supervising Frank and Stein. She tried to hide it by riding fast and staying out in front of me, but I could still catch her eyes literally glowing with happiness every now and then. I thought back to what Frank had said about her eyes glowing when she experiences strong emotion. I hoped that was the case and she wasn’t just trying really hard to influence me, which he had also said would make her eyes glow.
As we neared the end of the path, the forest’s edge came into view. we let the bikes roll to a stop then got off and let them fall over onto the dirt. I half expected them to explode into a puff of rusty brown dust the second they touched the ground but to my surprise, neither bike did. I could’ve swore I heard Bianca sniffle almost like she’d been crying. I opened my mouth to say something and then thought better of it, if she wanted to tell me what was going on she would. Well, that or she’d just manipulate me away from the question. Wait, was she doing that now? It’s hard to tell, maybe that’s how everyone around her feels. The more I thought about it the more I realized how difficult it must be for her just to have friends or form relationships with people at all. If she told them the truth they’d never know if what they were feeling around her at any given moment was real. All they’d have to go on would be her word, could they really trust that, could I? If she kept her secret she’d know that at any moment she could just change how they felt about her, manipulate them into anything she wanted. Could she resist that kind of power over them and still look someone in the eyes and say she was their friend. Not to mention how hard it would be to keep that secret over years of knowing someone.
“So Keith, were exactly are we headed? You do have some Idea where this mine you’re looking for is right?”
Bianca asked skeptically, snapping me out of my thoughts.
“Well about that…. I just know its out here in the forest somewhere. That’s pretty much all I have to go on from Frank, Stein, and that massive bartender in town.”
I told her sheepishly.
“Well that explains why you over-packed so much then. Seriously? How long do you think we we’re going to be out here, you’re packed like some kind of survivalist.”
She mocked, picking through the pack I’d made for her. After she finished rooting through the pack I made for her like some kind of giant squirrel and, chastised me yet again for not doing more research on the mine, we set off.
The forest felt imposing as we walked into the woods through a manicured patch of trees. Someone had gone to great lengths to braid a few trees over this little path before the forest turned back into its natural wild state. It gave off the feeling that civilization ended with this path and something else entirely began. As we got off the path our light faded quickly, chocked out by the limbs of massive pine trees. All this cover meant there was very little foliage on the ground which was covered in a blanket of needles. The though occurred to me that we were looking for a mine in a valley. That’s weird because what exactly would be in a valley that warranted the creation of a mine? Usually you’ll find them in mountains so what exactly was one doing out here.
“Bianca I just had a thought, Why would they build a mine out here? I mean what’s the point, is there even anything valuable out here to mine?”
“Yeah, come to think of it your right. What other reason would there be to have a mine out here?”
“Unless they were just mining from a cave but that still doesn’t answer the question of what they were…”
Bianca cut me off
“What was that first thing you said?”
“Um… mining from a cave?”
A lightbulb went off over her head as she exclaimed,
“That’s it! There’s caves under the town, I’ve heard Frank talk about them before! Maybe they didn’t have a real mine so they were just mining something out of the caves.”
“Not to burst your bubble Bianca, but that still doesn’t get us any closer to these caves or mines or whatever it is.”
I responded cautiously, trying not to sound to critical of her revelation.
“Well not exactly, Frank said they were in the East of the forest somewhere so all we have to do is head East till we run into them.”
Bianca said, full of confidence. Then something occurred to me, we had no real way of getting back to the bikes other than retracing our steps. Now that was easy enough now, if we went deeper into the woods we would get lost pretty quickly.
“One more thing Bianca, Maybe we should come up with a way to find our way out? I really don’t want to end up lost out here.”
I asked nervously, fidgeting with my hands.
“Way ahead of you on that one, I left my phone back by the bikes. Here give me yours and I’ll put my number in so you can track it and find our way back.”
She said, taking my phone, putting her number into it, and turning it to me to show she’d tracked her own phones location with it, giving us a path back to the bikes.
As we turned East and headed even deeper into the forest the terrain started to change. Instead of the pine needle coating we started to see rocks and the ground was more rugged. Here and there we’d even pass a boulder or two. I decided to break the silence of our search.
“So are you ever going to tell me how you met Frank and Stein?”
Bianca sighed before responding.
“I suppose you deserve to know if your sticking around. You probably guessed I wasn’t always living with them. Lets just say before that I was with someone who I though meant the world to me but I never meant the same to him. It was all a game to him and eventually I noticed that. Then, a little while afterwards I realized I wasn’t exactly powerless anymore and I did some things that I’m not exactly proud of to survive on my own.”
I could tell talking about this hurt her but I needed more.
“That’s not exactly telling me a whole lot Bianca.”
I pressed, maybe a little to hard.
“I found out I had powers and I used them ok! I got myself out of a situation where I was pulled so many way I didn’t know which direction was up! The second I found out I could do the same thing to people myself, I did! You’re the first person to actually seem to give a shit that wasn’t some crazy doctor that tolerates my existence or someone I just manipulated into caring! Maybe I even did that with you! I JUST DON’T KNOW ANYMORE!”
Bianca screamed at me, getting in my face with tears beginning to run down her own. Her eyes were glowing electric blue again and I knew I’d crossed a line.
“Hey I’m sorry I didn’t mean to hurt you. I… I didn’t know.”
“No.. you didn’t but I guess you should”
Bianca sniffled out, trying desperately to pull herself back together and keep up the act the everything was ok. Bianca went silent for a while as we kept walking along, crying to herself before she finally took a deep breath and said,
“You know, this is the first time someone’s asked me to come along and do something outside the house in years. I spend so much time cooped up in there just helping with experiments and looking after Rocco. It’s actually nice to get out and talk for once.”
Her voice still a lifts hoarse from screaming at me before.
“Look if you want to talk about it we’ve got nothing but time out here. I’d like to know a bit more about you anyways.”
I said taking her hand and trying to sound comforting.
“Yeah maybe I should get some of it off my chest. Here it goes I guess.”
Bianca said, taking a deep breath and tightening her grip on my hand. Her eyes still glowed faintly as she told me her story as we ventured deeper into the forest.
I’ll give you the shorter version of it here, mostly cause I’m not sure how she’d feel about me spoiling all her secrets.. She ran away from her family and her college education for a guy, his name was Brooke. Brooke was from money and had a job lined up by his family at a law firm so Bianca thought she was set for life with him. Bianca was madly in love with him at the time but as days grew into months and years, Brooke became a monster. He cheated on her and told her she wasn’t enough, that her shortcomings drove him to do it over and over again and somehow it was all her fault every time. He became abusive not long after the cheating started, flying into fits of hysteric apology afterwards only further convincing Bianca she was somehow at fault. After three years of this she eventually got up the courage to leave and never looked back. On the road she discovered her powers of manipulation, letting her play with people’s emotions and she only got better at it with time. Unfortunately her abilities got her into a very specific form of getting money out of people, prostitution. One day she tried to solicit Stein and he saw straight through her. Stein took her with him to the hotel he and Frank were staying at and they took her in on the spot. The trio traveled together ever since, Bianca becoming a kind of daughter to them.
I was in shock once she finished her story, it sounded like she’d really been through the ringer.“I don’t know what to say, that’s awful, all of it.”
“It was, I lived it. But I made it through, doesn’t matter how at the end of the day. I’ve got Frank and Stein and that’s enough, they let me into their home and I recovered in my own way, I’m still here so I’ll take what I can get right?”
Bianca stated with a cold loom of determination on her face. It was painfully obvious to me that despite the masquerade of being fine she was barley holding it together underneath. Like just talking about it with me was driving a finger into old wounds.
“At least you’ll never have to go through something like that again. With your abilities you never have to get pushed around like that.”
I said with completely no tact whatsoever. Bianca stopped suddenly as I said this and whirled around to face me. The fire I’d seen in her eyes earlier reigniting in seconds.
“Do you really think that’s all this is?! I’m no better than him, even you don’t know what you really think when you look at me! Admit ti!”
Bianca growled at me, hysterical once again.
“No, Bianca I…”
“Look I know your trying to help but just leave it, ok? I’m done talking about this”
She cut me off, pulling herself back together and signaling very clearly we were done with that particular conversation.
“Besides look over there, That hole in the rock see it? That might be what we’re looking for.”
Bianca said, gesturing to the stone wall that now jutted out of the ground beside us.
The rock wall she pointed out was chipped near the middle in a way that couldn’t have been natural. Straight lines don’t really exist in nature and this hole was cut squarely into this rock wall. As we got closer I could see that it wasn’t just an entrance either. The hole opened into the rock wall but then suddenly dropped, like whoever carved it had hit a point where the ground just fell out from under them. From where Bianca and I were looking into the hole we couldn’t quite see the bottom.
“Well we found what we were looking for, is this bringing back any memories from those dreams you had?”
Bianca asked, sounding a little short tempered still as I searched through my bag.
“What are you looking for in there?”
“Rope, I’ve got to see what’s in there and I’m hoping I brought enough to climb down there.”
I replied hurriedly, still tearing apart my bag to get to the rope I had packed underneath everything else.
“Rope? you’re not seriously going to climb down that pit are you? I can barely see down there.”
Bianca complained, sounding exasperated.
“Here, this should help you see down there.”
I said, tossing her one of the two head mounted flashlights I brought along.
“ME? I never said we were going down there!”
Bianca panicked momentarily.
“Look, you can stay up here and wait for me if you really don’t want to go down there. But I would appreciate having you to watch my back.”
I added trying to soften her up. Bianca opened her mouth like she was going to say something but stopped, instead dropping her own pack to the ground and searching through it.
“Look if I’m going down there I’m going to need something better than yoga pants on and…. You actually packed a change of clothes in here. Geez you really did think of everything.”
As Bianca took the jeans I packed and went off to find somewhere to change I finally found the rope. It was about 50 feet of strong climbing rope that I kept for an occasion just like this. Now that’s not to say I was a professional climber by any means but a 20 or 30 foot rappel I should be able to do. I was hoping that the descent wasn’t much further than that. I anchored the rope to a tree a little ways away from the hole in the rock face and tossed the rope down the hole. It hit the bottom with a satisfying thud just as Bianca got back from changing. The jeans I had packed were a little big on her but she’d manage. She looked like a mess in her ancient combat boot and jacket, all of which were too big for her. I tried to open my mouth to tell her she looked nice, I swear I really did but what came out was hyena-like laughter at her appearance.
“I…. Oh god I’m…. It’s just”
I struggled to get out, laughing all the while.
“Well I’m glad you like it at least, ok seriously come on, stop laughing.”
Bianca scolded as she began giggling herself. Soon enough we were both laughing, Bianca’s earlier storminess cleared up by the absurdity of the situation.
Here we were, a succubus and a guy with a strange mark out in the woods getting ready to rappel into a hole in the ground that apparently didn’t exist. All this was almost starting to feel… I’m not really sure how to put it, not normal but not so strange. Honestly I finally felt like I’d found some kind of purpose again out here. As weird as it all was I was starting to enjoy… this, this whole odd situation I’d found myself in. Bianca and I finally got ahold of the laughter and stood back up from our place on the ground.
“Do I really look that bad?”
She asked
“I’ve never heard you complain about your looks before. But no, with those jeans on you look like maybe, just maybe you prepared a little bit for coming out here.”
I teased, getting a little wry grin out of her.
“Come on, lets get going. Hopefully we can be in and out of there pretty quickly.”
I said, handing Bianca her pack and shouldering my own.
Rappelling in wasn’t actually all that hard, really dangerous without safety equipment sure, but neither of us had any trouble descending the maybe 20 foot drop. At the bottom I saw something that shocked me, this place wasn’t abandoned. I saw lighting set up, not on but very clearly set up recently. Bits of old mining equipment were scattered around the… cave? Mine? Im not really sure what to call it anymore. What concerned me more than anything was the light I saw at the far end of the cave (I’m settling on calling it a cave). The light came from a massive bonfire and I could just make out the shadows of several people sitting around it. I have no idea how we didn’t see the smoke on our way in. It wasn’t filling the cave but it also wasn’t coming out from anywhere I saw on the way here.
“Bianca get down!”
I whisper shouted at her, turning off my headlamp and falling flat to the ground myself. Bianca dropped to the ground as she heard me with unexpected grace. I didn’t know if those figures by the fire had seen us but I certainly wasn’t taking chances.
“Ok, I’m going to creep up and see if I can hear them talking or something. Can you just stay here and watch my back? I don’t want you getting any closer than you have to.”
I instructed Bianca who answered with a quick nod and reached into the inner pocket of her jacket. She withdrew a jeweled golden dagger from it.
“I sorry, what’s this now?”
I asked, confused and thrown off guard by the weapon. It was a really beautiful blade, the hilt was silver with several purple gems inlaid in it. The blade was golden save for the razor sharp edge which was some kind of strange blue material that was roughly the same color Blanca’s eyes glowed.
“I had a life before this you know.”
Bianca responded.
“Yeah we talked about it but you didn’t really tell me much about this part apparently. Doesn’t matter I guess just surprised you have Jeff Bezos’s butter knife in your jacket pocket.”
I whispered, pointing at the dagger in her hand.
“Well we can talk more about how I ended up with this later, not really the time now. Just be careful ok.”
I got up as she said this, realizing she was right. Now really wasn’t the time to be asking about strange daggers, I had more pressing issues.
I crouched down and started creeping towards the figures by the bonfire, careful to avoid the rusty machinery bits scattered across the ground. As I got closer I saw a passage I had missed in the dark. I dared to turn my headlamp on for just a second, trying to block out most of the light with my hand. What I saw through the dim light and shadows of my finger left me awestruck. Inside the passage a coliseum had been constructed, with seats carved into the stone. The structure itself was made up of the rusted metal pieces that littered the room, collected and smelted together to form the walls of the structure. What frightened me the most was the symbol clearly and meticulously drawn on the dirt floor, the same symbol that adorned my back, the symbol of the thunderbird. Moving on, more shaken than ever I crept closer still to the roaring bonfire. I could just about make out the words the figures were saying. When I got close enough to make out the word “tests” the fire suddenly went out with a gust of wind.The room temperature must have dropped 10 degrees immediately and I could swear I heard the sounds of heavy rain above us. But the sudden lack of light isn’t what rooted me in place, cowering on the cave floor. What did that was the two illuminated grey eyes that pierced through the darkness like lightning in a storm, eyes I would never forget, the eyes of the woman from Imalone.
This time I clearly heard the voices of the figures from around the bonfire as they all dropped to their knees.
“Shaoni! We weren’t expecting you till later, Stormcaller.”
The figures all said some variation of in unison. Their tone sounding almost as though they were begging for forgiveness. In a voice that hissed like rain on pavement the woman apparently named Shaoni spoke.
“I’ve come to oversee the start of the trials, is everything prepared?”
In one bone chilling moment her eyes locked on mine and she said the one thing I’d hoped she wouldn’t.
“You didn’t tell me we had guests.”
The moment the words left her lips I turned back to where Bianca was waiting, her now glowing eyes cutting through the darkness of the cave. Giving up any form of subtly, I bolted for the rope behind Bianca. I just wanted to be out of this cave, whatever I might learn from searching around was far outweighed by the fact that Shaoni was here. I’d seen the kind of destruction she’d left in her wake in Imalone and I had no desire to see it happen again here. I banged my ankle on several of the little bits of rusty metal on the floor as I ran, sending sparks of pain up my leg. I didn’t hear anything behind me at all which was almost more unnerving than the footsteps I expected to hear. I closed in on Bianca and saw she hadn’t moved at all, her eyes fixed on something behind me. I dared to take a quick glance back over my shoulder and saw Shaoni taking her first step away from the extinguished bonfire. Lightning crackled around her like one of those novelty plasma globes. In the flashes of light I could see her face. There was no smile or frown, no emotion at all. She simply stared straight ahead towards me and took slow calm steps, inching ever closer.
“Bianca we’ve got to go… NOW!”
I shouted, snapping her to attention. She nodded and turned on her heels, back toward the rope we’d thrown in earlier. Only, when we got to the rope and gave it a tug, it came falling back toward us.
“There’s no way. I…I anchored it to that tree, it should’ve held!”
I cried in disbelief. Bianca and I starred up at the now stormy sky through the hole we would’ve escaped from. Two men walked into view on either side of the hole, glowering down at us. I notice a marking on one of the men’s hands in a flash of lightning from the storm. I could only assume if I was able to make it out I would’ve seen a marking just like the one on my back. Just as soon as the men had appeared a shape flew in from the left with a low growl, taking both men along with it.
“Ok, new plan! There’s something else up there and I really don’t want to get involved with… whatever that was either. I didn’t see any footprints near the entrance so I’m assuming those guys we saw by the bonfire got in another way. We’re just going to have to find where that was and get out that way.”
I instructed Bianca, gesturing to the men in toe with Shaoni and trying not to sound as afraid as I was.
“Ok, I’m with you but lets get moving, I don’t want to any closer to her than I have to be.”
Bianca answered, putting her hand on my shoulder. I suddenly felt a wave of calm rush over me and for the second time I was grateful for Bianca’s ability to simply turn off my fear response.
Shaoni now stood about 50 feet from us with four men following behind her. In the light she gave off I could see the men were all dressed like normal people. I kind of figured they would be more of those canvas wrapped weirdos from Imalone but no. There stood four men in jeans and flannels standing there. Shaoni looked like she could’ve stepped right out of a painting of Pocahontas. She wore an animal hide dress with frills along the bottom and arms. Her head was adorned with a leather band containing several hawk feathers. In short she looked like she’d stepped out of a different time. But I had no time to look over the finer details of her clothing as Bianca and I rushed towards her. Once we got within striking distance I pulled Bianca to the left, towards the passage I had seen earlier. Shaoni never made a move towards us, she just simply looked at me, the ghost of a smile briefly crossing her lips. One of the men with her grabbed at Bianca though, pulling her out of my grasp momentarily. That was a mistake because she was on him immediately with the ornate dagger I’d seen before. As the man grabbed her Bianca lashed out with the dagger, sticking him in the gut with the blade. He screamed in anguish and let go of her but Bianca wasn’t done yet. She followed up by stabbing the man in the back of the neck as he bent over, grabbing at the hole in his abdomen. The other three men were so taken aback by the sudden ferocity she displayed that they didn’t come any closer. As time stood still for a second the men all looked toward Shaoni, awaiting instructions but hesitant to get any closer to Bianca. Using the brief moment of disbelief Bianca had caused, we ran down the side passage towards the coliseum.
“What was that?”
I asked, still shocked by how suddenly Bianca had acted.
“He tried to grab me, I don’t like when they try to grab me”
Bianca responded, distant and… scared? I got the sense she was still in shock at what she had done too. But I couldn’t worry about that right now, we still had to get out of here. Luckily the men didn’t seem to be following us. Wether Shaoni called them off or they stopped to care for their friend I didn’t know, and frankly I didn’t care.
Rushing through the rusty coliseum was haunting. I expected something to jump out of every shadow in the imposing structure. As we slowed to a jog in the middle of the coliseum, right where that eagle symbol was, we stopped to look around. We had come into this arena through an open arch but the only other exit I could see was a similar but barred archway. The coliseum was huge for something constructed in a cave, probably 400 feet across. I had no idea how this thing could’ve been made without anybody finding out.
“Bianca are you seeing anyway out of here? Bianca!”
I asked, then shouted as I turned to see her standing still as a statue in the middle of the Eagle symbol. She was staring at the dagger she had stabbed that man with. Blood still stained the blade and dripped from it intermittently.
“Bianca are you alright?”
I questioned as I walked over to her. She still had this look in her eyes, like she was miles away.
“Bianca? Come on talk to me. Look, you did what you had to do back there, sure it wasn’t exactly pretty but it had to be done.”
I tried to comfort her with my words but the truth is, my heart just wasn’t in it. I was a little scared of what I saw from her in those few moments. She just lashed out and attacked him, not that he didn’t deserve it but going back for more was too much. But what would’ve happened if she didn’t act? It’s not something I could really dwell on now and I’m not sure it really mattered. I just wasn’t feeling all that great about the fact we may have killed someone.
“I don’t like it when they grab me.”
Bianca finally repeated, still appearing catatonic. I leaned down to her level, putting my face right in-front of her’s and putting her head in between my hands.
“Bianca I know enough to know that whole situation may have dug up some memories for you but nows really not the time. We have to keep moving, we have to find a way out of here, and I can’t do that without you right now.”
Bianca tensed up as I spoke to her, but I could feel her relax as I finished. A single tear fell from her eye as she gave me a nod and followed behind me as I walked toward the barred off archway.
Before I made it to the archway there was a massive crash as something tore the rusty bars from their mountings and fell into the room.
“Tuck?!”
I exclaimed, recognizing his colossal figure on the floor immediately. His shirt and pants were torn to shreds though, Like he’d flexed too hard and burst out of his clothes. Bianca and I rushed over to check on him but apparently he was fine. Before we even started walking towards him he was already back up on his feet and lumbering towards us.
“Tuck what are you doing here? Actually never mind, are you ok?”
I asked, concern in my voice.
“It’s going to take more than this to stop me son. I figured you might go looking for that old mine I mentioned the other night so I came to find you. I feel real bad about ya run’in off the way ya did and I got to thinking. Maybe I could make it up to ya if I told ya about the mine. So I came out here and found some shady look’in fellas poking around and figured maybe ya needed help, looks like I was right.”
Tuck explained, dusting himself off and brushing away some of the tattered remains of his shirt. I didn’t buy his story for a second but I wasn’t going to argue with this bear of a man.
“So how did you get in anyway?”
“Used the old entrance from back when this place was still run’in, come on I’ll lead ya out.”
Tuck answered, already turning and walking back the way he came.
The walk out was long and none of us talked much so I just looked around. The further we walked down this little tunnel the more I noticed crushed equipment. The walls looked like they were made up of bits and pieces of crumbled rock that may have once been the ceiling of a much bigger tunnel here.
“There was a collapse, just like the report said only, whatever caused it wasn’t any fault of ours. It was that damn thunderbird waking up.”
Tuck piped up, answering one question and making me ask another.
“Wait you knew about her?!”
“All the miners did, some decided to follow her after she woke up and brought the walls down on us. Others wanted revenge for the brothers we lost, I’m one of the former. You see son, the reason I stayed around this town so long was because of that bird. I want a chance to return the favor.”
“But what about Robert? If you hate the thunderbird so much why’d you let him in? You had to see that tattoo on his hand.”
“I know he thinks that damned bird will “save” him or something but I don’t blame him. Everyone deals with things in their own way and it’s not my place to judge folk for it.”
Tuck lectured, as we made our way further down the passage. His words made sense to me but I didn’t understand how he could be so understanding. From what I understood the thunderbird had a part to play in the original mine’s collapse and the death of the workers there. Only for some of the survivors to revere this creature. If I were in Tuck’s shoes I don’t think I could forgive and forget.
Finally we saw light at the end of the tunnel. We emerged into the whispers of what I’m sure was a monster of a storm. But that’s not what drew my attention, what did were the boulders scattered around the hole we just came out of. It looked like they had been moved, and recently. The suspicious red stain just barley peaking out from the bottom of one of them only served to convince me further. Tuck’s story didn’t quite make sense and this entrance seemed like it should’ve been blocked up until very recently. I wasn’t about to question the guy who saved us though, so I let the issue rest.
Bianca’s idea of tracking her phone to find our way to the bikes worked like a charm. We followed the directions my phone spit at us and eventually found our way back to the bikes. Tuck’s old Ford Bronco sat behind our bikes leaving me to question if he followed us on our way here.
“Well do you kids want a ride back to town?”
Tuck asked, his voice bellowing across the forest. Seriously it was like the guy swallowed a loudspeaker at some point and just spoke through it now.
“No we’ll find our own way back.”
“Alrighty then, stay safe son.”
Tuck called back to me as he got into his truck and drove off. Bianca and I stood up our bikes and got ready to head back to town.
“Hey Keith?”
“Yeah what is it Bianca?”
“Next time you offer to bring me along somewhere can you warn me about the damn thunderbird that seems to just show up around you.”
I laughed at this, it was nice to see Bianca joking around again. After what happened in the caves she seemed like someone else, none of her usual cheeriness was there. Not that I knew if that was what she wanted me to see from her or how she actually presented herself but still. I trusted her enough at this point to assume she wasn’t using her abilities to mess with my head.
When we got back to Bianca’s house the sun was just beginning to set, washing the town in shades of purple, orange, and red. We walked the bikes around to their place behind the house and I walked Bianca back to the front door.
“Thanks for today Keith,I don’t… get out very much anymore and it was… nice… to do something other than sit around the house for once. You know, despite everything that happened it was actually fun.”
I was taken aback by her words at first. If it was me I’d immediately want nothing to do with this person who just put me in danger.
“You had fun? The thunderbird showed up again and we may have killed a guy and you had fun?”
I asked, raising and eyebrow suspiciously.
“Can we not talk about that right now? Anyways I don’t exactly have a high bar for what is and isn’t fun at this point. I’ll see you later Keith.”
Bianca said, cracking a smile and walking into her house.
I was about halfway back to my own house when I realized she never gave me my backpack back. Well, looks like I’d be seeing her again then because I need that stuff back. I wasn’t sure what to think about what I’d seen today. If the thunderbird was in those mines years ago why did she end up in Wisconsin? There was also a very real possibility some people in this town worshipped her so I’d have to keep an eye out for that. The really interesting thing to me was the Shaoni never seemed to want to hurt me in the cave today. She was terrifying as all hell sure, but I didn’t get the sense that she wanted to cause me any sort of harm. If she wanted to do that my gut told me she would’ve done it quickly and efficiently.
Thunder suddenly cracked outside, interrupting my train of thought. As I stood up to see what time it was a knock came from the front door. I froze, who exactly could it be? I doubt Bianca would come over, I don’t think she even knows where I live but maybe she came by to drop off the backpack she absconded with? The knock came again, more forcefully this time.
“I’m coming, I’m coming!”
I shouted, as I jogged to the door. My heart dropped as soon as I opened it, On the other side of the door stood Shaoni. She was dressed normally for once, wearing a long flowing white nightgown. Shaoni stepped into my house as she cooed in her usual misty voice.
“Good evening. Keith was it? We have much to discuss.”

I’m 8 days post op and everything has been fine but now I’m feeling pain on my lower right side greeted by a headache and pain near my ear. So far, there’s no swelling and the area looks fine. It did smell still garlicky from my dinner yesterday so I saltwater irrigated and rinsed which caused a slight relief. I’m so scared of infection so I’m going to call my dentist anyway but it’s Saturday so they won’t get back to me until Monday I’m a little scared. What else can I do?

I’m truly at breaking point. In march I got mono after a really awful event in my personal life and had the worst sore throat of my entire life. It lasted two months. Two months of me being in absolute agony, put on three different antibiotics and ignored by doctors who just said I had a bad cold until finally I tested positive for EBV antibodies. Not long after my throat started to improve and I was finally feeling better, except from exhaustion at the end of each day, but I was just thankful I was no longer in pain. I didn’t do any crazy exercise but I did finally resume my normal life of walking places throughout the day and occasionally having a couple of drinks with friends. That lasted about a week and a half before Thursday when I started to feel that familiar throat pain come back. I hoped it was just temporary but it’s getting worse and worse and today im in complete agony again. im so despondent and worried that I will now have another two months of this. life just feels so bleak right now, I'd really appreciate any advice or encouragement anyone might have

I (24M) have disc displacement without reduction caused directly by braces. I had braces to "fix" a moderate deep bite because some shitty dentist recommended it to me with his scare tactics, telling me that deep bites cause excessive wear on teeth as I age so I should get it fixed. Being a naive 20 year old thinking that I was doing a good thing for my dental "health", I listened to the money hungry dentist and got braces. Long story short, the orthodontist ruined my bite, opened the bite so much that NONE of my teeth touched for MONTHS. That's when my TMD symptoms started. Painful clicking and popping, jaw pain etc. One week after they removed the braces, I woke up with my jaw locked closed. Got MRI and CBCT of the TMJs and I was told that I have bilateral anterior disc displacement without reduction. (discs are PERMANENTLY displaced and they will NEVER recapture).
I'm absolutely sure that EVERYONE in this sub had ortho treatment. I've spoken to some people with my condition (disc displacement without reduction) and ALL of them had a history of orthodontic treatment. One of them had premolar extractions. I did not have any extractions, it was just class 2 elastics to open the deep bite. Ruined my whole life and my future. My life will never be the same. Getting braces was the biggest mistake of my life. I never had any TMD before unnecessary cosmetic orthodontic work that I never needed in the first place.
This post is a warning for those who are considering orthodontics to "fix" their bites or just for cosmetics. Keep in mind that orthodontics is ONLY cosmetic and there is no medical benefit for anyone. Your natural bite is the healthiest bite that you can have. I never had any issues with my natural bite. Take a look at this https://www.reddit.com/Dentistry/comments/10nrek2/occlusion_is_overhyped_and_not_important/
Here, there are multiple orthodontist who admit that orthodontics is ONLY cosmetic and there is NO medical benefit for ANYONE. Therefore, people who consider getting braces/Invisalign should be aware of the fact that they are risking TMD for purely cosmetic benefit. Like I said, there is literally zero reason to "fix" malocclusions. Your natural bite is the result of your jaw to skull relationship. Altering this natural balance can and WILL cause TMD. You have a cross bite? Cool, leave it the fuck alone if it isn't causing you issues with function. You have a deep bite? Great. leave it alone if it's not causing you issues. My deep bite NEVER caused my any issues. All my problems started after getting braces to "fix" my naturally deep bite. Orthodontics is unnecessary for most people and purely cosmetic.
You should also know that occlusion (how your upper teeth fit with your lower teeth when you bite down) DOES affect your TMJs. They work together. Your jaw to skull relationship is literally determined by how your teeth fit together. The position of your condyle (and your mandible) is determined by your occlusion. ANYTHING that changes your occlusion (ortho, restorative etc.) WILL affect your jaw joints. Don't trust any dentist or "specialist" who tell you that occlusion has nothing to do with TMD. Occlusion is EVERYTHING when it comes to TMJ Disorders. To be honest, I'm sick of seeing orofacial pain specialists in this sub telling people that occlusion has nothing to do with TMDs. Do they even know the anatomy of the TMJs? Like I said, your jaw to skull relationship is determined by the TEETH, not the TMJs themselves. The position of your condyles is also determined by the TEETH. In other words, occlusion is everything.

the night before my chem paper 1, i was stressing profusely over the exams seeing that my predicted grade was a 9a which isn't good enough for me so i endeavoured to rest my head in order to tranquilise the chaos inside my mind and find some solace. however, overnight, all of my chemistry knowledge had perished; i dreamt it was squandered by a malevolent leprechaun with a macabre, sinister pattern of speech consisting of a strict ABABAB rhyme scheme and trochaic tetrameter signifying his desire for power and avarice for the acquisition of knowledge. my gargantuan intellect slipped through my fingers; I had been Light Yagami before (metaphor; i was not literally the antihero protagonist), with the chemistry knowledge of Walter White and a reputation that truly preceded me as when i walked to school that morning i realised i would be receiving a U despite my overwhelming intellect. destitute, despaired, despondent. if only that machiavellian villian hadn't seized my smarts. i held a vast sea of repressed rage inside of me, and once i opened my paper to a 6 marker on equilibria, i arose from my creaky chair and disenthralled a mighty bellow, tearing my shirt apart with my bare fists like the hulk, and releasing my agonising mental anguish through the form of sound waves in which shook the mortal ground, quaking under my feet in submissive obedience. this caused most of the students in the silent hall to turn to look at me in disbelief, so in a fit of anger i lost my temper and absolutely dashed my desk at the nearest student. (he suffered minor fractures to his skull and a couple bruises but nothing major. not that i could say the same for the desk; alas, it had shattered into fragments.) the students in the hall gasped in shock at the sight of their classmate consummating the role of the catalyst for a catastrophic carnage to emenate (note my alliteration of the fricative "c" amplifying the harshness of the situation). another ear-piercing screech ensued, resounding from the molten iron core of my chest, as I threw myself to the ground in defeat.
now then, any moral person witnessing this incident would clearly relate to my pain and suffering, and would at the very least leave me to grieve the remnants of a drained IQ of 341, but an invigilator chose to approach me and had the AUDACITY to REMOVE me from the hall. i was promptly disqualified and issued several consequences for disrupting the exam. this is clear evidence that examiners do not care for mental health, a stark contrast to the claims held by thousands of them worldwide. it is time to take action. it is time to make a change. it is time to fire every invigilator in the country and beyond; students' feelings shouldn't be invalidated and we have the right to express them in any form necessary, especially during the stressful exam period. i listen to the drone of students chattering as they leave the exam and i think to myself about my perpetual experiences with being dismissed and punished for natural behaviour. i can no longer pursue my lifelong aspiration of becoming a high-school chemistry teacher in Alberquerque, New Mexico because this examiner was unable to CONTROL THEMSELF IN THE EXAM HALL. they didn't even think about how much escorting me out would disturb the hardworking students completing their questions. for this reason you must make a stand against invigilators; join me in my venture to cease this barbaric treatment of well-behaved, well-prepared students such as myself.

Does anyone have any advice for getting in my own way mentally while working out?
I’m 22, female and do strength training and have been for about a year and a half. My goals are hypertrophy and also just general well being.
I’ve always struggled with gym anxiety before the gym.
But now when I go, I find myself dealing with feelings of anxiety/depression during and after my workout.
Getting frustrated because I’m not pushing myself hard enough when I know I physically could do more. But mentally I just end up giving up instead of trying harder (for example only hitting 6 reps instead of 8 on the last set, but knowing i could’ve done more if I pushed myself to) Just going through the motions and avoiding pain as much as possible.
This causes me to feel shitty and depressed mid workout. Then on top of that I feel extremely frustrated at myself doing exercises because I don’t know if i’m doing them right and I just feel like i’m not really making any progress and it just makes me spiral every time. I’m constantly comparing myself to others and i’m pissed that I’m not bringing the intensity to the workouts like I see others doing but I just have a mental block that makes me think I can’t do it.
Then after the gym all these emotions come to ahead and I’m either holding back tears with a lump in my throat or straight up crying in my car the whole way home and it takes me a while to come down from these feelings.
Does anyone have any advice? I’m just so tired of this because exercise seems to be everyone’s outlet but it’s just making me feel worse about myself.

I went through every stage of mono and recovered in a month. This is the steps I took to do so, and hopefully they can help you too. I am not a doctor and there is a lot of stuff that could be wrong here, and/or not do anything at all. If you are dealing with issues please go get medical assistance.

1. Sore Throat

For throat pain I visited my doctor and was prescribed prednisone and unfortunately I was dealing with an infection so I had to take anti-biotics. If you are diagnosed with mono and your doctor is assuming it is strep or another type of infection communicate with them the uncertainties you have in order to be tested for strep (taking anti-biotics with mono burdens you with a high chance of a rash).
Besides prednisone. I used a humidifier in my room in order for my throat to not dry out in the back. Even if it hurt horribly I attempted to drink at least 4 glasses of water every 4 hours so I wouldn't be dehydrated.
I suggest not taking Ibuprofen during use of Prednisone as it can cause intestinal issues. Use Tylenol.
I stuck to smoothies and chicken noodle soup for food during this time. Salty broth foods help soothe the throat quite a lot and help you get some nutrients.
It was hard to sleep because of my throat pain, I ended purchasing a sitting pillow for my bed. It took a lot of the stress off my lymph nodes during rest.
Finally I made sure to brush my teeth twice a day and use Orajel hydrogen peroxide mouthwash. Oral hygiene is incredibly important during any issues with tonsils in order to keep an infection from happening and washing off pus from throat scars during mono.

2. Sleep

For me sleep was quite difficult and I unfortunately didn't have many ways to deal with it for the first couple of days.
I tried to not take naps throughout the day and rather hold in my sleep for the nights, as your body does better healing when it's in REM. Which is more difficult to have happen if you take brief short naps.
By around my third day I learned that having a humidifier in my room made it so much easier to breathe and feel a bit better.
I took one extra strength Tylenol right before bed, and 10 mg of melatonin. Keep in mind that melatonin only is going to help put you to sleep and you will need to change your diet to be heavier in magnesium in order to have a better time staying asleep. If I woke up due to the pain at the middle of the night i'd take another tylenol and wait it out until I was able to sleep again. Continue to drink water throughout the entire time.

3. Spleen Pains

I dealt with really bad spleen pain for a couple of days and my only solve for it was laying on my back and using a heatpad on the area where my pain was. I tried not to move around very much. If your pain becomes increasingly worse go in to get screened for a risk of rupture.

4. Mental Health

Out of all the things I dealt with, this was one of the worst. I felt defeated for most of my days. I tried to feel better by looking at other peoples experiences and seeing how others have it worse. It also can help to call loved ones and friends and talk with them. I also watched shows and movie continuously in order to distract myself. Eating good helped me a lot, once I started making protein smoothies my mood changed for the better. Also try to stay out of the dark for to long, if you can go into a more open room with sunlight and lay during the day it will make you happier. Try to retain your sleep for just the night, this way you feel like you still are holding to a schedule. It also helps with REM which is incredibly important for mental health and can't be done with naps. Finally, self-care was a breakthrough for me. I tried to shower daily, and clean up my face before bed. It made me feel happier and nicer.

5. The Rash

This rash was one of the worst parts of the whole thing besides my throat. It happened after I had taken my antibiotics for 5 days. It itched so badly. In order to deal with the itch I went to the ER and was prescribed hydroxyzine and another dose of prednisone. For the first day I used calamine lotion, I soon realized it was making me even more itchy as it caused my skin to dry up. I switched over to Eucerin anti-itch lotion and it helped so much. I applied when I woke up and before I went to bed. I applied ice packs to my skin, instead of itching and it works much better at stopping the itch. Also try to sleep with a fan pointed towards you. During the rash stage, it is the most important for you to drink as much fluids as possible.
I hope this can maybe help someone? Idk, i am very thankful for this subreddit as most of these posts helped me recover much faster. Thank you all.

I'm 16M and I don't understand what is going on with this random lump. It started around a week and a half ago when I noticed a soft lump between my groin and right thigh (closer to thigh area). I was really worried but then I forgot about it (it's still there but feels like the lump is inside my thigh area)
Tonight as I'm typing this I noticed another lump between my LEFT thigh and groin (closer to groin area now). The thing that makes me worried the most is that it's is really hard and I feel no pain and it can't move at all. Before I noticed it but it was very soft but now it feels like a miny ball.
I'm experiencing the same thing with my upper chest but this time it's painful. I told my mother about this and she said that she used to have it as well as my dad but I don't really have that much confidence in that. She said it might even be because of season change ( autumn right now, winter starting next month)
This makes me really worried because I am worried about my health and it's disturbing me while I study for exams which are starting next week.

48F, 4’11”, 130 pounds Non-smoker, occasionally drink beer (maybe 3 pints per week at the most?)
Hashimoto’s (1x daily: Armour thyroid 60mg & Unithroid 50mcg) Psoriatic Arthritis (2x daily: Otezla 30mg)* Hemochromatosis (iron panel levels currently normal, last checked 07May2024) Endometriosis (laparoscopy decades ago, currently asymptomatic) Exercise-induced asthma (albuterol inhaler as needed) Vitamin D (1x weekly: 50000IU)
*Medrol injection 09May2024 *Diclofenac, started 09May2024 (2x daily: 75mg)
I am currently in a PsA flare and have been for a few months. My doc first put me on a short course of prednisone. While that got rid of most of my pain, my left middle finger continued to be painful and swollen. A short time after the course of prednisone was finished, I was dealing with a lot of stressful events and my PsA flare got worse (fingers in both hands (especially left middle finger), toes in both feet, right knee, right hip, plantar fasciitis). My doc then prescribed a single Medrol injection (in my arm) and oral diclofenac. I guess I should mention that this is my first time ever taking diclofenac.
I got the Medrol shot on 09May2024 and started the diclofenac the same day. I have been taking the diclofenac without issue until last night. A few hours after dinner, my throat started to feel funny and then I got a sensation similar to my exercise-induced asthma. I did have farro for the first time in my life with dinner, so I assumed it could be that even though I’ve never had any reactions to wheat before. Well today, a few hours after taking my dose of medications (Otezla & diclofenac), I experienced the same sensation (I did not consume farro today).
I did some googling (not the best, I know) and learned that NSAIDs are contraindicated in people with asthma; however, I have never had an issue taking NSAIDs (Ibuprofen, Naproxen). As a little experiment, I decided to take two puffs of my inhaler and within 15 minutes, the sensation went away.
Could this indicate some sort of reaction to the diclofenac even though I’ve been taking it for a week without issue? Could it be something else? I’ve never experienced asthma outside of exercising. I’m a little hesitant to take it tonight for fear that any reaction could get worse. Should I just not take it tonight? Could I just take ibuprofen instead? I’m reaching out here now since I won’t be able to reach my doctor until Monday.

Hello everyone.
My fiancé has tested negative for Cdiff 2 weeks ago after being on antibiotics for 2 months. He has been dealing with pain in the upper left abdomen still and his stool sample showed inflammation. Is the pain normal? How long will this pain last?
Thank you for any advice. I pray you all are doing well 🩷

hi there, male 40 here, i have had a rough years with tooth problem, in last 16 years i had 5 root canals, one implant, and two wisdom tooth extracted and all in the upper jaw, now my lower jaw wisdom tooth on left side turned all of a sudden into a monster size, and was paining like helll, i went to dentist who gave me not one but 3 injections of local anethesia , and the moment he took his instruments into my mouth i felt instant pain i swear it wasnt pressure, it was a real pain, so i kept complaining so he was like lets do pulpotomy and you will surely have a relief, i didnt know what to say but sound better than extraction, but even that was so painful when he cut the tooth and cut the nerve it was the worst pain of my life i kept yelling, but he drifted it all of a sudden with a sharp speed and that was the pain still imprinted on my brain, anyways i got home and now i am in severe depression as why local anethesia didnt work? why i couldnt get it extracted , i am so anxious that i am looking for full general anethesia for extraction now, lately i had severe depression and anxiety issues, but this pain made me so scared that i felt in severe depression, been 4 days but i am still feeling dull ache and painful waves but the pain is down to 80% from before the pulpotomy , though the dentist told me that and shown me a huge bended needle which he inserted in my gum but i didnt feel it yet when he was working i kept getting severe pain, what do i have to do now please help anyone need advice? i heard some people die under general anesthesia but i am willing to take that risk now ! as this pain destroyed my life !

37 F, UK (England), height 172cm, weight IDK I don’t/won’t weigh myself due to eating disorder but I am within a low-end healthy BMI, non drinker, trivial smoker (~1 a week), no illicit drug use, Caucasian
Current health conditions : hidradenitis suppurativa (only recently diagnosed) Hurley scale 2 if that means much; low LVEF/T wave abnormality/heart rhythm issues; osteoarthritis of lower spine (severe); post-operative arthritis of left ankle following major fracture in 2022 (it’s now mostly scaffolding in that ankle rather than bone); major depressive disorder; restrictive eating disorder.
Additional : extreme vitamin D deficiency + ferritin deficiency
Previous : breast cancer +++ grade 3 (2019); heart ischemia due to severe anorexia nervosa (2020)
Meds : Butec 20mg patch; Amitriptyline; Alprazolam; Zolpidem; Lymecycline; Ramipril (currently stopped due to incident below); Promethazine; Oramorph; Celecoxib; Colecalciferol; ferrous sulphate; probably others I can’t remember at this point
TLDR : Sepsis, extremely low BP (why?) and heart stopped during the surgery to remove source of infection, no idea what they did in theatre to start it, they mentioned some kind of medication. Concerned about what impact this will have on me going forward.
At 37, not obese or overweight, very casual smoker (less than 1 a week), Caucasian etc - i.e not hitting any of the normal criteria or profile for people to get hidradenitis suppurativa (it literally started out of nowhere in Feb this year) I was suddenly diagnosed with it. It’s been hard. Back to back antibiotics and an I&D in late Feb for one abscess that was huge.
To get to the point, my right armpit had a large mass developing and causing a lot of pain. It felt like there were loads of smaller lumps within the large lump (like a beanbag!). To put it in context, last Saturday my armpit was painful and sore but I felt fine. I went to bed that night and noticed it had started turning red and clearly inflamed. I was also in hindsight starting to feel a bit under the weather. Decided to get it checked at urgent care the next morning as I’d always been advised to with this HS condition.
On Sunday morning I still felt mostly ok, a bit unwell maybe, nothing major, but the pain in my armpit was substantial. I went to urgent care. They triaged me and then sent me immediately to A&E because my obs were apparently concerning. Pulse was approx 140, blood pressure was “low”. And they confirmed the abscess was definitely infected. I’ve been through this before several times, once ending in an operation, mostly ending in another course of antibiotics, so I wasn’t exactly keen to go to A&E (not that anybody is, but I just thought it’d be another massive precautionary thing rather than anything else)
On arrival in A&E I already felt decidedly unwell. I was shaking and dizzy. I remember checking in at reception, sitting down, then immediately being called by a nurse to get triaged again. I vaguely remember wobbling to the room with him, getting obs checked again and him calling someone - “ok - in a wheelchair?” - then asked if I thought I could walk. By that point I was pretty much gone I think. I did walk (I’m stubborn). I remember him telling me my blood pressure was extremely low. I remember going to a chair to get my bloods done and then…nope. Totally collapsed. Absolutely nothing.
Next I knew I was in a private bay somewhere in bed with loads of wires and beeping, a cannula in my arm with a drip, and a few nurses there, who told me I was in ICU and they were trying to get my blood pressure up as it was critically low. I asked what they meant by that and they said the diastolic was in the 30s when I came in. My normal BP is roughly 110/80ish.
I remember being wheeled for a chest X-Ray; and I remember them doing a heart echo and the doctor showed me what my heart was doing - basically it looked as though it was trying to violently bounce out of my chest. It was honestly going mental. My blood pressure wasn’t going above 50 diastolic (can’t remember the top bit) but it kept dipping back down to 37ish and slowly climbing back up.
They told me I wasn’t responding to fluids treatment for it - I don’t know what they meant by that but they were really packing in as much saline as they could into me. Bolus and drip. Then they wired me up for some kind of test to see if the fluids were effective on my heart or not?
I kept going in and out of consciousness
They told me they were going to do emergency surgery to remove the infection asap so I signed everything for that
Only very vaguely remember anything about going to theatre other than the anaesthetist telling me he needed to put another cannula in my wrist and I completely freaked (I have a weird phobia of anything touching my wrist veins, even writing this is making me uncomfortable, I know it’s dumb).
Next thing I know, it’s Monday morning and I’ve woken up with a nurse next to me, who told me I’d been asleep all night (op was at about 9pm, I woke up at 6.40am), and that I was still in ICU/ITU, still on saline and antibiotics, feeling like I’d been hit by a bus.
A few hours later a doctor spoke to me and told me I’d gone into septic shock from the infection in my arm, and that during the surgery my heart had stopped and they had to administer some kind of drug to start it again. That’s when they said i would need to stop the Ramipril for a bit - they were still fighting low BP on the Monday but nowhere near as dramatic.
On Tuesday I was moved from ICU to a “normal” ward and was feeling much better. Blood pressure was stabilising although it did dip quite badly again on Tuesday overnight.
On Wednesday I was basically ok (as in, I didn’t have any emergency situations going on and I was stable). I asked if I could get discharged because I wasn’t able to get any sleep at all on the ward and I felt utterly exhausted, all I wanted to do was sleep and I couldn’t get any because of all the noise and obs checking and fluid bag changes and whatever.
Discharged Wednesday night.
Been in bed at home since then, I’ve got a horrible chesty cough now and I feel totally rotten. My arm hurts from the surgery and I keep getting chest pain. I think my BP’s ok as when I stand up I’m not symptomatic (dizzy).
This is a really really long post and I’m sorry for that but I guess I just want an explanation as to what happened to me?! They said it was sepsis and “my heart didn’t like it” likely because I already have cardiac issues. But it was SO intense. I’m really struggling to come to terms with it all and how I felt pretty much fine only hours before it all went crazy and I collapsed. A doctor did come and speak to me and I think basically told me I almost died, or could have died, and during surgery it was looking pretty dicey. I got given a leaflet about the “psychological impact of being in the ICU”. (I haven’t dared read it).
It blows my mind how I can go from ok to dying to ok again; all within a week. It’s hard to even get my head around the fact I nearly died because there’s huge irony in it (I have been suicidal for the last 3 ish years, on and off, largely due to how poor my health is and the chronic pain in my spine). I had been doing really well mentally for a little while, which was huge for me, as I have spent a lot of time in psych units due to my suicidal ideation and just being really mentally unwell. It all stems from the cancer diagnosis really but my arthritis is the pain source of problems now.
Also what the hell did they do to my heart in surgery?
Any insight welcomed, I really would love some answers and closure to what happened, I don’t want this to affect the really positive trajectory that my mental health had been on, but it’s been a real struggle this week to know what the hell I’m meant to do with what happened. I’m not a hypochondriac by any means - I downplay a lot - but the chest pain since I got discharged is scary. Should I be worried?
Thanks all for any information or anything you can offer.

Since I was a child I’ve been sensitive to loud noises,: loud music, vacuumig, fireworks, balloons popping, cars driving on a wet road next to me, ambulances, playful screams etc. I remember being amased at all the people walking around the social events with loud vibrating music without wanting to cover their ears. I’ve felt ashamed for covering my ears at these moments, no one else did. As I grew I got a little less sensitive and things such as balloons or vacuuming didn’t bother me too much, but the loud music still does, for example. As I’ve grown older and attended parties and concerts I’ve always had to wear earplugs, otherwise the loud music pierce my ears like a sharp knife continouosly while everyone else go about unbothered. I love these events now that I’m an adult and wear earplugs, I love the dancing and socializing aspect, is that how people feel normally, just unbothered by the loud loud noise? I still hide the fact that I wear earplugs.
None of my parents have this problem. I just now started thinking about the fact that no one else feel pain when attending loud places, or do some of them hide it like I do or just push through the pain in some unimaginable way? Is there anyone like me here?
Edit: I have slightly bigger ears that protrude, nothing remarkable as nobody would notice it without pointing it out. Perhaps it plays a part in these sound-sensitivity symptoms? Also, its not that the loud noise in itself cause anxiety, confusion or stress, just simply p a i n…

Hi everyone.
Some backstory: (28F)
I became vegan about six years ago due to having a chronic headache diagnosis along with severe neck pain. I used to be a power lifter. And when my symptoms started , my doctors kept saying to eliminate everything until I had nothing left but veganism.
Since about 2019, I’ve been completely vegan that is until the last month or so. I started eating eggs again and I’ve tried chicken. More details to come:
2020-2023: got severe Covid twice. Doctors kept saying and encouraging me to stop lifting and relax. My body went into “shock”(my term) and basically I became a lazy fuck , which exasperated my symptoms . Weight gain of 20 lbs and a huge gut now which I can’t get rid of. Prior had almost no stomach fat when working out in 2017-2019.
Current symptoms. ; SEVERE exhaustion, chronic headaches from when I wake up to sleep, can’t sleep much , always feeling like I’m slumped over, restless, tight muscles , dizziness, loss of strength (can’t even do a body weight squat) , weight gain, sinus pressure, god the list goes on ..,
Doctors; started seeing a new physical therapist who said my vegan diet was what could be making me extremely worse. All of my bloodwork test, MRIs, etc. come back fine. Doctors get just give me the I don’t know what’s going on with you ,
Ex vegan: I can’t have dairy due to intolerance. . I started introducing eggs and have a decent time eating those, but when it comes to chicken, I find myself gagging at the though started seeing a new physical therapist who said my vegan diet was what could be making me extremely worse. I started introducing eggs and have a decent time eating those, but when it comes to chicken, I find myself gagging at the taste of chicken.. I have no problems eating meat, but I think the taste puts me off now. I can eat chicken nuggets, but unfortunately, I can’t get myself to eat o I can eat chicken nuggets, but unfortunately, I can’t get myself to eat a chicken breast. I don’t like the smell of fish in my apartment all day for seafood options. I think I can tolerate beef if I make it into like taco meat or a burger or something.
My main question is has anyone have any feedback for me? Or experience with a similar background?

This may be a bit of a long post but even if only a single person reads it that would still be so helpful. I feel lost.
So here is my story. I had a very traumatic childhood and early adolescence where I was constantly going through hardship after hardship (I was a foster kid). I consider myself a pretty resilient person and everytime something bad happened I got myself through it more or less.... Until now. I think something snapped in me. It broke me both mentally and physically.
So this is what happened. Around half a year ago I found myself in a bad situation. The details don't really matter, but it involved me having to move out of my home real quick because I was unsafe. It was extremely stressful since I felt 1. Unsafe 2. I had to find a new apartment in an incredibly short time 3. The new apartment I found -and where I currently live- is in a shitty neighborhood which also makes me feel unsafe. The whole situation caused and is still causing me an enormous amount of stress.
Since my move I feel a constant sense of anxiety. I can give some examples. Whenever I hear sirens outside (I live in a big city) I assume they're coming for me. I constantly check what the neighbours are doing and I'm scared they will harm me. I have anxiety about how I can barely pay my rent. I have anxiety about my anxiety becoming so bad that I have to quit my studies and lose everything I have. I have anxiety about paying for food. I have anxiety about not having family that can support me.
I'm also in constant physical pain because of my anxiety. My body is incredibly tense, my shoulders hurt and everyday my head aches. I feel dizzy. Sound and light are too much. I have to walk around with NC headphones 24/7 otherwise I get a panic attack. I can't form a single straight thought. I constantly hear the sound of my heartbeat pounding in my ears.
I live in filth, I feel paralyzed, I can't get anything done. I can't do anything that I used to do, like reading my favorite books, cooking, playing my instruments. I can't do anything because the sensory input is too much. Every single day I spend sitting on a couch with my headphones on and a blanket over my head in fetus position crying. I can't work, I can't see my friends. There are a lot of closed envelopes in my mailbox, probably bills, but I can't look at it.
I asked for help but no one seems to hear me or understand the severity of my pain. My GP put me on a year long waiting list for psychological help. I don't know what to do.

Are wa tenshi no koe!

"Town and Wall — Touga — Haibane Renmei"

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Comment of the Day!!

Hirmuolio starts us off with some info on the doujinshi that birthed Haibane Renmei. Click the link to check out chapter one!

Haibane Renmei is technically an doujinshi adaptation. Not an anime original. Obvious from the fact that it did not win the /anime original contest.
Though only two chapters were published before the anime was made (plus a third one at the end of the anime). That is not even first two episodes worth of material!

Silcaria got us thinking of the dreaded Alien Nine OVA... Cursed...

I liked this episode. Pacing was appropriate, the atmosphere was good and it was charming in its own way. With that said, It's giving me Alien Nine vibes.

QotD

• How often do you stretch!? Remember, lack of fitness is how you become a creaky ojisan like Nemu!
• What lays outside of the walls... Wrong answers only~
• Any current thoughts on the treatment of Haibane at the moment? On why they're kept living separate from regular humans and not allowed anything "new?"
• How do you like Free Bird? The opening to the show? Whilst on it, is anyone else a massive fan of the ending despite it looking so Eva like?
• When was the last time you inherited some handmedown clothing? Stolen clothes count too, don't worry, we won't judge you for stealing cozy jerseys or coats from friends here~

Abyssbringer's "What is the thematic purpose of this scene corner!!"

Vatrix-32 starts us off with a tragic tale of ahegao pains...

The cowlicks represent man’s futile efforts to escape the cycle of suffering, that any temporary gains will quickly be undone. The divine mocking us for our attempts.

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If you strain your ears, you can probably hear it.