One of the things that has stuck with me after the meetings so far is the number of people who have told me that things have dramatically changed in the past 5-10 years.
There is so much more data now, which has put great pressure on the Infrastructure teams to keep performance at the same levels it has always been. This is increasingly becoming difficult and complex as time goes by.
Let me underline that: They are not trying to improve performance; they are merely trying to maintain the performance their users are already used to.
More than one person told me that they can see a time when they will reach the end of the line with:

Sharding
Query Tuning
Database Tuning

The only thing left would be to add hardware. Univocally, they are all paying too much for what they already do and expect costs to reach the stratosphere on D-day.
Tools like Power BI don't solve the problem because even though they make it easy for people to run custom queries on the database/ data warehouse, in most cases, these end users don't know how to tune the queries to use the right partition keys.
This means they end up with very slow responses (10+ minutes) as well as degrading the system for everyone else. More than one person told me they spend a good amount of time fixing this kind of operational issue daily.
Everyone wants more ML, AI, and predictive analytics. However, companies cannot provide these features because they don't have time for everything else in their workday.
We can't advance as the past is pulling us back with old issues we should have solved by now.
Another member mentioned a scenario in which they could not deliver important reports to the customer because they did not have the people or resources to get the queries working across their databases.
So, the inability to productionize these queries and change the data pipeline to produce the aggregated data needed meant that even if they could give the reports to the customer, they could not provide them with a self-service platform.
People rely on the cache to reduce the database's read load in all these scenarios. This is why caching is an important area, and companies adopt Redis.

databases #caching #redis #performance #scalability

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2023-Specific

I was evicted by my own parents on Christmas Eve via texting war with my step day during a 10hr shift as a barber. I was informed my youngest daughter (6) wouldn’t be returning from her fathers house for Christmas that same day. My oldest daughter (16) and I were casted out of our family’s traditional Christmas festivities and we spent Christmas Eve and Day alone. The day after she went to “lunch” with my ex mother in law and never came home. I was devastated which caused a pain flare up (fybromiaga/myofacial pain syndrome/stage 4 endometriosis, degenerative disc disease). I couldn’t get out of bed. I had to call off. I was fired on January 3rd. On January 6th I was pulled over and arrested because the passenger of my vehicle had put 3GS of crack in an old prescription bottle of mine she stole from my house earlier that day. January 8th my phone was turned off. On the 10th my car broke down and I just got it back yesterday morning.
While my phone was off I missed every call and message sent to me by Child Services. I missed every opportunity to defend myself against the lies and accusations made by my ex. My mom had started forwarding my mail to the post office without my knowledge. I received not 1 certified letter. I missed my first 2 court dates.
I spent almost a month alone in the house I was abused in as a child/teen. The house I shared with my daughters, no car, no phone, no money, and eventually no food.
In a span of two weeks, I lost my kids, my family, my house, my job, my phone, my car, and was arrested.
I’ve never been in trouble in my life. Always had full custody of all three of my children find the age of 17. and for the most part without any involvement of their fathers outside of the weekends. But I lost all of it. My ex had manipulated my family in believing complete lies about me. Smear campaigns surround me every day. Every morning I wake up and realize where I am, and how far away from my children I am and I lose it. I cry every time I open my eyes. It’s been months. And every day it hurts more. Because I can’t afford a lawyer, there’s a very good chance I won’t get them back.
My son (22) lives in a different state but calls almost daily bc he knows he is the one that is keeping me here. But if I lose custody of my youngest daughter, like I did my oldest, there’s no way I can continue living like this, feeling this much pain, physically and emotionally every single day. My little one. I cry all day every day. She was my sidekick . We went everywhere together. She was right by my side since the day she was born, She is my best buddy and they ripped her away from me. Without a single conversation. Not one. My exes, vindictive, hateful actions can only possibly be fueled by his desire to not go to jail for the $15,000 he owes in back child support. Up until a week before this, he was still trying to come back home. Still making advances on me. Leading me to believe that we were friends. But now I know it was all part of the plan. He had been plotting for months. Because my family operates in such negativity towards me they happily took the bait. I will never speak to any of them again. And the only reason why I haven’t been able to get my children back is because he dismantled my life by ensuring that I couldn’t afford a lawyer. Nothing in the report was true. It was all lies based on hearsay. So I’m here to warn you… no matter how good of a mother you are, if someone is determined to take everything away from you, they will. All I have left to do is pray to whatever God will listen to me. A lawyer shows up at my doorstep, expecting zero payment, and they fight to bring the truth to light. for me. Otherwise this is all going to end soon for me. I just can’t handle the sadness. I haven’t seen my daughter since December 20, 2020 23. I never gone more than two days without her before that. my heart aches more at the thought of her being alone without her mother than it does for myself. My teenager is not trapped with her abusive narcissistic, father. Being treated like dog shit. Unable to speak to me or her brother. All my family invites that monster and his mistress to Easter and breaks bread with them. It’s all so twisted. I just want this nightmare to end.
Thank you for allowing me to vent.

Looking for some advice as a first time manager. I work at an insurance billing company for almost 4 years now. I was previously the team lead for a couple months prior to me getting my current role. The only reason I got the manager role was because our director (the person I reported to) was let go and it wasn't a choice for me because they were not going to replace that position. Obviously this came with zero training and guidance. I was already struggling as the team lead because it felt like I was doing the job of multiple people, but now I have to find time to provide a team of 5 with guidance and training, while also managing daily meetings with our owner who micromanages the hell out of me on top of the work I was already previously doing.
Basically everything has been a "figure it out as I go" and I thought I was making some progress with getting a better flow in the department (it was unorganized and all over the place when I took the position.) Then Friday rolls around and before the work day even starts I have an employee come in and quit. She stated that she was getting stressed over having to re-do some of her work and felt like she was doing everything wrong so she didn't want to let the team down. I know I shouldn't do this, but I am really taking this personally because I feel like I let her down. Also, I feel like this confirmed my own belief that I am not a good manager because of the saying "people don't quit their job, they quit their manager." She was honestly a good fit for the role. My team basically calls insurance companies all day to get benefit information for patients. Having reps give you wrong or confusing information just comes with the role and even our longest employees have to call back for a misquote of benefits. No one is going to get it right 100% of the time. She wasn't the only person I was having to get re-do their work. I try to approach this in the best way and offer them guidance on what they should do when this happens, but now I'm wondering if I am going about it wrong. In my daily meeting I had to inform the owner that this person quit and what they said, which he was very confused by. Now I feel like all eyes are on me because again everyone thought she was a good fit for the role and prior to this she gave no signs of being stressed.
I don't feel the need to micromanage my team. I trust that they have all the resources they need to complete the job and be able to manage their daily tasks. I am there if they have any questions or need some guidance. Some of the team members have been there longer than me and they can use each other as a resource. I have had the absolutely worst managers while working here and really try not to make the same mistakes with my team. We have two other departments, one department has no one under them and the other has only one person under them. I went to them about the situation and they told me that I am not doing anything wrong and that I am probably the most helpful manager that they've had, but that I probably cater to them too much. I am not saying I don't trust their insight, but I just don't think they get where I am coming from with this. I also don't feel comfortable going to the owner because he never listens to single concern I bring to him and always makes me feel smaller. IDK if it is cause I am the one with the biggest department, but he is always on my case and wants to know KPIs, volume, performance, and a bunch of other information daily even though we have been ahead of schedule for the longest time. He does not do this with the other departments and I wonder if him stressing me out is making my team stress out??
I have already decide to set up monthly 1 on 1s with each team member to get their thoughts, but are there certain questions I should be asking them? Are there other things I should be implementing with my team to make sure they are not getting overwhelmed? How do I make sure my team knows they can come to me when they have concerns or issues? I think the lack of trust runs rampant in our company because of the horrible leadership we had previously, even I have a hard time trusting concerns with others in the company because in the past doing so has backfired for me. Any advice on how to move forward would be greatly appreciated!

Daily discussion on Manchester United.

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This is for us normies who don’t want to sift through a hundred youtube videos just to figure out basic information that should be readily available. This guide is designed for people who are new to modding.
This LLO follows Brxsie’s model. For more detailed info on categorization refer to their reddit post.
You can leave out any mod on this list that you don’t want except for USSEP.
Key:
*= my personal notes explaining what a mod does or why I added it
e.g. = extra examples of popular mods that should be placed in that category
Blurb
(skip this section if you want the quick version of this post)
Hi everyone; I’m not a modder nor a PC player, but I was desperate to figure out how to safely load my game with reasonable lore-friendly updates. Every LLO guide I’ve found so far has either been outdated, contradictory to other sources, does not specify which mods fall under what category, is way too vague, or way too specific. The mods I’ve listed here should be easily searchable on the recently updated Xbox creations menu so that any Xbox player can easily copy this list. Originally, I was just recording my LLO for my own personal use, but I figured this could help people who don’t have the time to put in as much research as I have.
If you are brand new to modding, vanilla+ means that you want to stay faithful to the original game as much as possible while upgrading the look of your Skyrim world and making a few convenient tweaks. The least “true to the original game” mod on this list is convenient horses. In my experience so far, this LLO plays just as smoothly as vanilla Skyrim.
Unless I wrote a note next to the mod stating otherwise, all of these mods are independent of one another, except for: divine atmosphere, divine atmosphere snowflake edit, and realistic snowflakes. If you like the ugly fractal snowflakes in divine atmosphere then don’t bother with the other two mods, but if not, you need the vanilla snowflake edit and the snowflake texture mod to go together. Therefore, you can leave out any mod on this list that you don’t want except for USSEP), and the game will function normally.
To customize settings of mods while in-game, go to magic -> powers. “Equip” the mod you want to change and press RB once out of the menu. This is relevant to divine atmospheres, divine interiors, flute finder, convenient horses, and some dialogue mods.
Most mods on this list can be downloaded or deleted safely while playing a pre-existing save file. Deleting mods become problematic when you have already added and interacted with a custom item to the game and then delete the mod that supported the item. When testing new mods, I suggest only adding a few at a time so that you know what to delete if you encounter any issues.
If you are reading this on a laptop or PC, you can press command/control F to search for keywords of the mods you want to install to find where they belong in the LLO.
Personally, my favorite mods that I’ve added to the game are the dialogue mods and the texture mods. They make Skyrim feel like a real world with real people living in it and I would highly suggest using some or all of them. I’d also love to hear everyone’s suggestions on proposed edits to this load order. Please let me know if you are aware of any conflicting mods or bugs, or if I have made any mistakes in my layperson's explanation of techy stuff. Unsure if this is relevant information, but I’m located in the USA.
Extra notes:
What the heck is a leveled list? A leveled list is a change in the code that makes changes to certain values. Such as changing how much gold a character has or how powerful an enemy is.
And what exactly is an area edit? An area edit is any mod that adds or significantly changes a location in the game. This includes adding extra trees, adding extra smelters, or adding custom player homes that do not exist in vanilla, among other things.
Why are there all of these categories and why is it so complicated? LLO sorts mods so that the game can load the most important files first. When LLO is not followed, the game will inevitably crash. Categories allow us to sort mods into the LLO based on how they interact with the game's code. People sometimes disagree on what order to put the categories in, but all LLO templates use the same basic categories.
I do not use immersive citizens AI because multiple people have reported bugs. Other people have no issues with it, but I prefer to stay on the safe side.
Remember to lower your in-game brightness, especially when you are using divine interiors and divine atmospheres. If the brightness is all the way up, things will start to glow. You will have to use torches in locations with zero light, such as corners in caves. This adds a realistic feel to the game. If you give a torch to your follower, they will automatically use it in in low-light conditions. I switch between default/glimmegrim/vivid depending on where I am and how colorful I want things to be. The game may look darker overall as you can see in the screenshots, but this is more true to how lighting works in the real world.
Skyrim 101 tip: When you ditch items to reduce your carry weight, store them somewhere (such as a dead body or a chest) instead of dropping them on the ground. If you drop items all over your game it will eventually lag.
When creating a new character, keep in mind that once you start playing, you might change the lighting and make the colors more saturated. For example: I accidentally gave myself yellow hair instead of natural blonde because I forgot about lighting and atmosphere changes. This is another reason to install the vanity mirror mod, which allows you to change your character mid-game.
Storage space: all of the mods I have listed here take up approximately 4.36GB.
I suggest keeping a note of your LLO on your phone so that you can easily categorize mods you want to add the future.
Sometimes LLO will not save, so I recommend double-checking that everything landed in the right spot or backing up your LLO to bethesda before exiting the LLO menu.
Sometimes you need to restart your game to enable a newly installed mod.
How to delete a complex mod without causing problems: disable the mod, hard reset (hold power button for 10 secs or unplug the console), uninstall the mod, hard reset.
I’ve noticed a bug where I cannot tell my follower (Lydia) to do anything in “command mode”. I don’t know what’s causing this- it seems like a dialogue issue but I rarely use the command mode feature anyway so it’s small enough for me to ignore for now. Let me know if you find out what's causing this!
*Blurb over\*
Master Files

Unofficial skyrim special edition patch (USSEP) *almost every source says that this must be installed. It fixes core bugs in the game that developers have not bothered to update themselves

Foundations: Lots of game changes (e.g. cheat room, encounters overhaul, etc.)

Convenient horses *allows you to summon your horse from anywhere, store items on your horse, give followers horses, etc.

Dialogue Overhauls

Guard dialogue overhaul
Follower commentary overhaul
Misc dialogue edits and more
Relationship dialogue overhaul

Fonts/UI (excluding map mods)

Font replacer - eadui

Alterations to vanilla quests
Any craftable item

Vanity Mirror *this is to fix the makeup bug where your lips are off center when you create your character. I have not tested this yet, but apparently if you open up the customization menu with the vanity mirror then the makeup will work again. Cheat room also works for the makeup issue, but I didn’t want so many extra cheats in my game just to fix this one ridiculous bug
Get no more dead followers *functionally turns off friendly fire for followers

Game mechanic changes: races, perks, vampires, adoptions, etc.

Flute finder - a skyrim gps tracker for npcs *this is because I always lost my followers in vanilla and it was super annoying
Multiple Marriages *haven’t tested this yet so cannot vouch for its effectiveness
Auto unequip ammo *unequips arrows when you uneauip your bow so that you’re not always walking around with a sheath on your back

Level Progression (e.g. Clever leveling)
Perk overhauls/changes
Magic additions and modifications

Master of Destruction (xb1) *adds new high level spells that target specific characters instead of killing everyone in the area
Mining spell *I hate carrying a stupid pickaxe everywhere, so this spell mines for you. I haven't tested this mod yet though

Leveled list changes (e.g. rebalanced leveled lists)

Better gold *adds slightly more gold when looting specific high level enemies
Master trader 1x *this replenishes merchant gold each time you speak to them

NPC Leveled list (e.g. organized bandits in skyrim)
Any audio

Chapter II - Jeremy Soule inspired music *Jeremy Soule composed the original game soundtrack. This adds a few hours of similar sounding music that blend in with the game

Weather and Atmosphere (put weather up ^ in LLO if the mod is just a weather mod and not an atmosphere mod)

Divine Atmosphere: Aetherius *my favorite setting is vivid or grim
Divine Atmosphere: Aetherius vanilla snowflakes option
Ultra realistic snow flakes (custom snowflake texture) *if searching for this mod, search for “snow flakes” instead of “snowflakes”

Grass
Grass Fixes
Skin/skeleton physics and appearance changes

pristine vanilla movement
XP32 maximum skeleton special edition plus *changes some physics for smoother movement

Animation mods

360 walk and run *at first I put this in the gameplay mechanics category, but it did not work there. In the animation category it works as intended

Meshes and Textures
*The mods I’ve listed in this section should cover almost every visual in the game. Nothing is too drastic of a style change and fits right in to the game’s vibe.

Wear multiple rings *this mod is more useful for stacking enchantments rather than pure aesthetics. Not necessary if you want a more vanilla game
Divine texture pack - architecture
Dark ages: fantasy dungeons
Dark ages: dragon Textures
Divine creatures texture pack
Omen armors weapons and clothing *I highly recommend this one!
Fluffy snow
Dark ages - landscapes
Divine skins and bodies for men *misleading name: this is actually unisex. Make sure this goes above^ divine people otherwise you might experience an occasional face glitch. This must be used along with divine people in order to work correctly
Granite mountains *another mod I highly recommend
Dark Ages: Trees of the north
Divine SMIM *Static mesh improvement mod. SMIM mods redesign lots of small items in the game
Lucidaps’ high poly project v5.x *This corrects blocky items to make things look more realistic. It cooperates with the SMIM to create beautifully textured and realistic item designs, such as the ridiculously good looking head of cabbage

Non-combat NPC AI
Immersion (e.g. immersive patrols, landlord etc.) - can be tricky to categorize
Anything that changes a character’s/npc face or hair (e.g natural eyes)

Divine people of skyrim: celestial *For more vanilla/gritty looking people, try the dark ages texture pack. Both divine people and dark ages people mods must be paired with its corresponding skins mod, otherwise the textures will get cut off at the neck due to mismatching colors

Interior lighting changes

Divine interiors shadows and light *my favorite setting is glimmer or default if the game looks too oversaturated because of the lighting. I highly recommend this mod, it makes the game feel much richer

Interior decorating changes
Lightweight multiple area edits

Unique bridges of skyrim
Divine forests
Get more smelters *haven’t tested this extensively but I don’t foresee any issues since it doesn’t interfere with anything big

Single area edits like player homes
Multiple area edits (e.g. divine cities)
*I do not recommend divine cities or divine villages because it can be buggy. One time Lydia got permanently stuck in a modded tavern and I had to backtrack through an hour of progress to get her back out
Adding individual unique objects

Auto Harvest Ring *because I like alchemy but hate picking flowers. Equipping this ring automatically harvests ingredients in range. Just remember to ditch the cabbages to reduce your carry weight

Combat changes, combat AI (e.g. realistic damage, wildcat)

Dark ages: immersive dragon ai
Better stealth ai for followers *followers will not start fighting automatically while you are trying to be sneaky

Unique follower mods (e.g. Sofia)
Mods that add new quests (mods that alter vanilla quests do not go here)

More to say 9.0.2 *this dialogue mod is here because it adds new quests. The other dialogue mods I’ve added are less consequential and simply add a little immersion. I’m unsure if this conflicts with the other dialogue mods

Map mods

A quality world map - vivid with stone roads *map mods use up VRAM and many people recommend against using them. I’m not a tech person, so forgive me if this isn’t accurate, but VRAM is similar to regular RAM. This means you can reset VRAM if you hard restart your console. If you are playing with tons of heavyweight mods all the time then maybe you should skip map mods, however in this LLO I have not noticed any FPS changes at all and personally, it’s worth it to me to hard restart the console every once in a while so that I can keep this mod. Source for the tech info (posted Oct. 2023) - https://www.xboxforums.com/threads/ram-and-vram.24007/
Pastel map markers *Can you tell I like organizing? Color coding the map makes it more readable and gives locations a touch more personality

Mods that specify bottom LO

wanted to share my experience as a 28 year old, F, on the very thin side, anxious, and autistic.
had to have colonoscopy due to positive fit test and anaemia diagnosis, and 6 months of heavily bloody multi-daily bathroom trips. I was starting to get very concerned about cancer.
I opted for no sedation because I'm extremely anxious about feeling 'out of it' or not in control of my body/brain or feeling dizzy.
The thought of waking up and not knowing what my body went through was also making me squeamish.
I did a lot of research, I watched full, unseated colonoscopy videos on YouTube, this post from this subreddit was also incredible and explains it all better than I could. but here's my detailed experience of each step.
Prep: The prep was not bad at all, I had Citrafleet.
I prepared the mixture and took it at 6pm (the leaflet said 5pm, appointment at 11am) It had a nice lemon taste and was pleasant. after I drunk it, my medication anxiety/dread kicked in, I was like, oh god, what did I just do to my body. (i've never experienced laxatives before) I was expecting it to be like a movie and to immediately poop lol. I did not have a bowel movement for 3-4 hours. then it was just on and off bathroom trips. Funnily enough the only time it bothered me was I had to leave a competitive computer-game mid-match because I suddenly had to go so bad LOL.other than that, didn't feel too different to my normal symptoms honestly.
then I slept at 3-4am, at 3am I started to suddenly feel queasy and shaky and awful, stayed up too late I think, but it passed and I drunk water and went to sleep.
I woke up at 7am for the second packet of prep, it acted faster this time and then I stopped my 2-hours-before water drinking, was totally empty and went to the hospital.
Hospital: I got lucky, I got a very nice NHS hospital. I had a lovely nurse. They started talking about sedation and I said "I've decided to do no sedation" She said "Ah, gas and air. alright" I said nono, no sedation at all. She was a bit like "ermmm, we'll see about that" haha.
but ultimately everyone was very very respectful of my wishes! they just didn't think I would actually manage.
My heart rate was really high for ages in the waiting/prep room when they took my pulse and honestly I was so stressed they wouldn't do the procedure because my heart rate was high, so I had no time to be worried about what lay ahead because I was so fixated on trying to slow my heart rate. So my advice would be just keep your mind occupied before going in.
I got given huge green shorts, a cozy disposable gown, an iv/canula thing (they assured me it was routine, but I wouldn't get sedation). I had to pee a bunch before and then in the surgery room and had a little blanket put over me.
I had a pillow that was super comfortable and was instructed into the relevant position.
Procedure: The nurses were ALL surprised I wasn't having sedation, they asked if I was really sure I didn't want the gas and air because it can be painful and stopping halfway would be very detrimental.
They said "I know you want to do it without gas and air, some people say say they will and then can't handle it. The nurses also said it's rare someone asks to do it no sedation.
I was mentally preparing myself for the pain of the gas(for inflating the colon). I will say imagining it and feeling it are two very different experiences.
once the camera was in and they inflated with gas. It kept feeling like it was never going to stop inflating. I felt at my bodily physical limit of gas, but it kept inflating, awful awful awful. I can't deny. about 8/10 discomfort, maybe 6-7/10 pain. I had the worst urge to fart that I've ever had in my life. like "If I don't fart I'm going to explode from the inside" levels of bad, which was a slightly panic inducing feeling. The nurses said to pass gas if I needed to, but I couldn't fart. Either because of the position I was in (on side, knees up to chest), the obstruction from the camera, the fear, or because I felt like if I tensed, I'd pop like a balloon.
so "if i dont fart i'll explode & die, if i tense to fart i'll explode & die" was basically my experience with the gas.
Next they said "You might feel a period cramp" and I did. BOY DID I.
I said: "Oh yeah, just like a bad period cramp" And she said "Yeah we can't really help the boys by telling them that" and I somehow managed a "haha"
I think they said "We're going to do some water" but I didn't feel that.
It just felt like just trying to survive and get through it, I was just breathing, I knew I could survive it once I knew the pain I was dealing with. It just stayed consistently awful and painful and terrible. with occasional very bad cramps and awful sensations in 40-50 second bouts in various places in the middle section of my body.
There was so much different noise too from the machine.
The sensations ranged from: Intense gas cramps, horribly inflated feeling, a sucking on my intestines feeling, stomach caving in feeling, terrible period pain, terrible stomach pain, and rippling sensations.
I could barely look at the camera screen because I was just so focused on getting through it. frankly I didn't care LOL. I think I glanced once I just couldn't handle looking on top of what was happening to me. side note: I'm now put off giving birth if its anything like this hahaha.
I fluctuated between tensing from the discomfort and trying to relax. sometimes the discomfort was so freaky and bad my body tensed just to deal with it. If you've ever had a dream where a zombie was eating your stomach guts alive, it was reminiscent of that.
side note: I'm like a cat when I'm in pain, I don't like to show it, and I didn't want the sedation. So I was so badly trying to play it cool.
The literal best way I can describe all of this, it was like the worst food poisoning of your life, the worst trapped wind of your life, and the worst period cramp of your life, all at once, x2 or x3.
A few times my stomach rippled really unpleasantly and I keep remembering that sensation and cringing today
I can also liken some of the feelings to someone sticking a henry hoover into my ovaries.
It wasn't anything I haven't 'naturally' felt in my body before, if that makes sense, they were "familiar" sensations, just not to that degree. I didn't expect it to be such a worse variation of familiar pains.
I also didn't expect to feel all of this SO HIGH UP IN MY BODY?! like the majority of it was felt above and around my belly button.
I don't understand how people say they knew what part of the colon they were in, I couldn't. but they did point when we were about halfway and I was relieved.
For the last part, turn or bend, I think it took 3 attempts, the nurse had to push onto my tummy to flatten something out, honestly, that made me feel so much better, the pressure was really relieving. and I swear to you, it poked my rib when it went through! it felt like it anyway.
There was no pain after that. I knew it wouldn't hurt going out, so my relief was immeasurable, I knew I'd done it.
the only feeling then was just "aughuhguhguh my insides" feeling, and slight gas bloating still. I just focused on my breathing.
They said "We're going to take the biopsies now." I didn't feel that (thank goodness) but I was mega-cringing at the idea. for some reason I felt hot and slight burning in my insides mostly towards the entrance. I'm not sure how they took the biopsies but I heard a tiny drill type sound, and it freaked me out lol. i imagined them frying it off with a tiny saw.
they took, either 6 or 12 biopsies, I'm not sure. it was a strip biopsy, on my report card it has 6 things and says "x2" for each one, so idk.
When the camera went out I asked "is it over?" I didn't really feel the camera go out and was in disbelief because it was quicker than I anticipated and I couldn't believe that I had done it and was feeling proud of myself, and they were all hyping me up so much, telling me I should be crowned as queen and that the nurse could never do what I did. I felt so on top of the world. I couldn't stop smiling with relief.
The nurse called me brave and I said I was only brave because I was so scared of the sedation. Everyone is brave in different ways! You're not any less brave than me if you opt for sedation or Entonox. :)
Genuinely the entire thing felt 10 minutes long, it was like they did a speed-run of my guts, and it FELT like that too lol. just absolutely crashing around the entire mario kart racetrack that was my bowel. I'm just kidding, the doctor was great, it's a baffling procedure and I admire any doctor that does it.
I'd be so curious how long it actually was.. I was mentally prepared for 44 minutes, but idk. I don't want to get your hopes up that it will be short. maybe the shorter, the more painful?
I walked to the bus stop with my mum, I was kind of in disbelief that I did that.
Post-non-sedated-colonoscopy-thoughts
I would do it again if I had to, un-sedated. It was worth it for me to avoid three types of sensations that make me panic (dizziness, sluggish or forgetful)
I'm also really happy that I was able to be there and experience what was happening to my body, personally, I feel like if I was sedated I would always be wondering what my body went through without me being present.
I liked being able to breathe, and follow any instructions.
I've spent the entirety of the following day cringing in reflection of what happened, feeling achy, and being embarrassed for doing it un-sedated (for some reason I feel like everyone thinks i'm crazy).
I hope this helps... someone.
My options of sedation were Entonox or Midazolam and Fentanyl through IV. Lots of people said those things made them so relaxed and the best relaxation they've ever felt. It made me remember the Lavender Liquid dispensed from SCP-294q-01, where they drank the perfect drink and afterwards said "I'm sorry, but at this point everything is just one big let-down"
My brain is immensely neurotic and always in 'go' mode, I was worried if I felt relaxation like that, I'd probably start chasing different drugs to recreate it lol.

A Homily Prepared For Sunday May 19, 2024
The Collect
O God, who on this day taught the hearts of your faithful people by sending to them the light of your Holy Spirit: Grant us by the same Spirit to have a right judgment in all things, and evermore to rejoice in his holy comfort; through Jesus Christ your Son our Lord, who lives and reigns with you, in the unity of the Holy Spirit, one God, for ever and ever. Amen.
The Gospel
John 7:37–39a
37 In the last day, that great day of the feast, Jesus stood and cried, saying, If any man thirst, let him come unto me, and drink.
38He that believeth on me, as the scripture hath said, out of his belly shall flow rivers of living water.
39 (But this spake he of the Spirit, which they that believe on him should receive: for the Holy Ghost was not yet given; because that Jesus was not yet glorified.)
Commentary on Today’s Gospel Selection;
In our Gospel selection for today, Pentecost Sunday, we look at an event which takes place on the last day of the Feast of Tabernacles, also known as Feast of Booths, and Sukkot. The event takes place in SeptembeOctober, and celebrates the fall harvest of grapes and olives. It lasts seven days with a holy convocation on the eighth day (Leviticus 23:36).
Jewish law specifies that, during the Feast of Tabernacles, Jewish people “You shall dwell in booths seven days. All who are native-born in Israel shall dwell in booths, that your generations may know that I made the children of Israel to dwell in booths, when I brought them out of the land of Egypt” (Leviticus 23:42-43). It also characterizes this feast as a fall harvest festival (Exodus 23:16; Deuteronomy 16:13).
It was during this feast or celebrations that:
“Jesus stood and cried, saying,If any man thirst, let him come unto me, and drink. He that believeth on me, as the scripture hath said, out of his belly shall flow rivers of living water.” (vs. 37-38) To understand the context of the situation in which Jesus stands and makes this pronouncement, you have to understand the daily rituals which took place during the festival.
During the first six days of the week long event, a priest would go to the Pool of Siloam and draw a pitcher full of water, then march in procession back to the temple with the people repeating from a verse found in Isaiah 12:3, “Therefore with joy shall ye draw water out of the wells of salvation.”
Then upon returning to the temple the priest would pour out the water in an offering to God, commemorating the water that poured from the rock that sustained the ancient Israelites (Exodus 17:1-7; Numbers 20:1-13) as well as the rains that sustained Israel during the year just passed.
Everyday for six days, the people had been celebrating the water that had given their people physical sustenance; Jesus now tells them that he is capable of satisfying their spiritual thirst.
“as the scripture hath said, out of his belly shall flow rivers of living water.”(v. 38b) Just as we today think of the heart as being the center of emotions, (e.g. from the heart) in those times, they believed that the belly was the place where warm kindly benevolent feelings were generated. Jesus is saying that those who believe in him will receive these spiritual waters, waters of spiritual blessings, salvation.
When lost in the desert, the children of Israel thought the waters from God that materialized as flowing from a rock, were a blessing, a salvation in the physical sense for those who faced death from thirst (dehydration.) At the core of Jesus message to them that day, lies the fact that instead of worshiping an event that took place hundreds of years beforehand, a miracle that only provided physical sustenance for a brief time, they should be paying attention to his message which offers an eternal spiritual sustenance.
This verse brings to mind Jesus’ words to the Samaritan woman, “the water that I will give him will become in him a well of water springing up to eternal life” (John 4:13-14).
Jeremiah 2:13 also contains a reference to spiritual water: “For my people have committed two evils; they have forsaken me the fountain of living waters, and hewed them out cisterns, broken cisterns, that can hold no water.” Likewise we see in Jeremiah 17:13 “O LORD, the hope of Israel, all that forsake thee shall be ashamed, and they that depart from me shall be written in the earth, because they have forsaken the LORD, the fountain of living waters.” Perhaps Jesus recognized this disparity which could be seen in the religious rite in which the people celebrated his Father’s gift of water for physical thirst while remaining obvious to “the fountain of living waters” that God offered them.
In writing this Gospel, John the Evangelist, adds a note to the reader in verse 39; “But this spake he of the Spirit, which they that believe on him should receive: for the Holy Ghost was not yet given; because that Jesus was not yet glorified.”
Here we find an explanation as to why these verses were selected for Pentecost Sunday, the day that the Holy spirit descended upon the Followers of Christ. Water and the Spirit are connected elsewhere in John — for example, when Jesus tells Nicodemus that “Except a man be born of water and of the Spirit, he cannot enter into the kingdom of God.” (3:5). In Jesus’ conversation with the Samaritan woman, living water is the symbol of the revelation of God in Christ which satisfies all spiritual thirst (4:10-15). “But whosoever drinketh of the water that I shall give him shall never thirst; but the water that I shall give him shall be in him a well of water springing up into everlasting life.” (John 4:14)
This living water that springs up into everlasting life, as promised by Jesus, is water that satisfies one’s spiritual thirst. A water that traditionally has been found through attendance and membership in the church, where one learns about the message and teachings of Christ, the essence of the water itself.
Unfortunately over the last decade, we have watched a great exodus from the church; in particular the old main-line churches. Those churches hemorrhaging membership most excessively, are those who in recent years have spent less time on—if not totally abandoning—the Gospel of Christ, while embracing a social gospel that may be based on good intentions, but none the less fails to address the people’s spiritual thirst.
Indeed, when questioned by pollsters attempting to gather information regarding this great exodus, a large number of people say that they identify as “spiritual but not religious.” Assuming that these people are indeed spiritual, then we can also assume that they are not finding in these churches, the water and spirit, with which to satisfy their thirst.
Ironically, we find the Hebrew people in chapter 7 attending a great celebration, one in which the observances commemorate important events in their history as a people chosen by God. Annual celebrations that for them, were certainly fun and wondrous to participate in, but yet—as Jesus noted by his crying out—they were failing to receive the spiritual water of God and instead they were focusing on recreating an event of centuries past. I say this is ironic, in that today we find the churches focusing, not on recreating events of the past as a commemoration of the importance of the event, but rather on progressive social ideologies that often conflict with the word of God itself. A so called social gospel that often drowns out the message of the Gospel of Christ.
Instead of uniting together as brothers and sisters in Christ seeking the water and spirit that Jesus spoke of, our churches are inculcating, not a gospel of the spirit that unites us in the name of Christ, but rather an ideology that divides us along social constructs and identities.
People who readily identify—when asked—as spiritual, seem to have an innate thirst for authentic spirituality, and apparently are not finding a cure for that thirst in these churches that are no longer churches of Christ, but which are now, for all pratical purposes, churches of progressive ideology.
But yet, if you really seek through the news media diligently, you will see signs that the Holy Spirit is descending again, in some ways, just as it did during that event we commemorate today.
The principalities of this world work to suppress the news of the spirit moving, but yet reports are emerging of young people filling the pews at revivals, mass baptisms, even the conversion of formerly reprobate celebrities who have now found Christ and are trying to turn around their life, to be as born again. We also are witnessing an increasing number of celebrities who are speaking out, unapologetically affirming their Christian beliefs and advocating for traditional family values and lifestyles. The Holy Spirit has touched the hearts of these individuals, compelling them to ignore their fears of persecution or their aversion to being called out as not being politically or socially correct.
As we observe the day that the Holy Spirit descended upon those in that room, let us be cognizant of the fact that there are many people in this world today, who are hungry for authentic Christianity. Those who thirst for authentic water and spirit that satiates the spiritual thirst. Those who can be characterized as being the least of these.
The “least of these” is a phrase that originates from Matthew 25:31–46, a passage often used in these modern times, to guilt Christians, causing them to embrace this false social gospel that is emptying the churches. Christians are not leaving because they do not want to help others, but due to the fact that they instinctively know that this passage, and others, are used out of context in an effort to guilt them into accepting what they know in their heart is wrong.
Matthew wrote this at a time, in which most likely the least of these, the needy, those imprisoned and persecuted, those that Christ called his bothers, most likely were his brothers and sisters, as it was a time in which Christians were discriminated against and tortured for their beliefs. Matthew was preaching to a congregation that knew all too well what the conditions Jesus spoke of were like.
While we are always to help the financially impoverished, a careful reading of Matthew 25:31–46 and its historical context demonstrates the need to give aid to the spiritually impoverished as well. When we look at how this passage was taught prior to the emergence of the social gospel a century past. We find a rebuke of the minsters who teach such false doctrines in these words of Jesus: “For I was hungry and you gave me no food, I was thirsty and you gave me no drink, I was a stranger and you did not welcome me, naked and you did not clothe me, sick and in prison and you did not visit me.’ Then they also will answer, saying, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or naked or sick or in prison, and did not minister to you?’ Then he will answer them, saying, ‘Truly, I say to you, as you did not do it to one of the least of these, you did not do it to me ”
There are yet those who are spiritually hungry, spiritually thirsty, naked in spirit, they are treated as strangers by the modern church because they hold traditional values dear. There are those who speak out against all sorts of abominations and now find themselves in prison, sick and isolated. But yet the churches of social gospel turn a blind eye to them.
The rest of us must keep the spiritually hungry and thirsty in our prayers, reach out to them and help them find the spirit that is once again moving today as it moved two millennia ago.
Benediction:
O God the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the only Savior, the Prince of Peace: Give us grace seriously to lay to heart the great dangers we are in by our unhappy divisions; take away all hatred and prejudice, and whatever else may hinder us from godly union and concord; that, as there is but one Body and one Spirit, one hope of our calling, one Lord, one Faith, one Baptism, one God and Father of us all, so we may be all of one heart and of one soul, united in one holy bond of truth and peace, of faith and charity, and may with one mind and one mouth glorify you; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

KANSAS CITY, Kan. (KCTV) - A woman bitten by a dog in KCK’s Strawberry Hill neighborhood calls roaming dogs a growing problem and is raising her voice to city leaders.
On the evening of Sunday, May 5, Jesse Molina was taking a walk with her husband and her dog Lucy. They saw another dog wandering the street unsupervised. In her three years living there, she’s seen numerous dogs roaming free. She kept a watchful eye but the dog seemed to be minding its own business. Then suddenly, the dog darted at her and Lucy. The dog, which she described as a pit bull and police described as a pit mix, gave them no warning. No bared teeth, no growling. Just attacked out of the blue, unprovoked.
“It took all three of us fighting this dog off and I’ve never, I’ve seen dog fights and this is this was not, this was, it was a monster,” Molina said, clearly still so distraught that she had trouble finding words to describe the moment.
THE ATTACK
She said the dog lunged at Lucy’s throat. Lucy has stitches and staples in various places. Molina has a bandage on her wrist. I photo she took in the hospital shows a deep, gaping puncture wound. She began crying as she described the day and her fear for others.
“It just fluctuates between grief, sadness, profound depression,” Molina said of her emotional state. “And I think gratitude because we’re still alive.” She’s been writing to elected officials. She wants something done to prevent this from happening to anyone else. She thanked her Strawberry Hill community of neighbors with intervening to help. She praised the police department’s animal services unit officer who responded and started an investigation. And she wondered what the solution could be. More officers for enforcement? Stricter laws? More education?
WHAT’S BEING DONE
KCK police said they are already being aggressive with enforcement and education. Police Department spokeswoman Nancy Chartrand researched data on complaints and citations in 2022 and 2023, the most recent years available for year-end reports. Chartrand said the department had a 26% increase in calls about dogs off-leash in 2023 than the previous year. In that same time, they had a 62% increase in the number of citations issued.
A municipal court judge makes the final call, Chartrand said, on what fines and orders to give for violations of several ordinances already on the books.
Ordinances require dogs to be registered, spayed or neutered, vaccinated and kept on a leash. There is an ordinance related to allowing a dog to reasonably place a person in fear for their safety. All are misdemeanors. There is a process for having a dog declared dangerous and requiring additional measures from the dog’s owner.
What they don’t include is automatically euthanizing a dog after a bite. The current steps involve a 10-day quarantine. If someone admits to being the dog’s owner, they get the dog back pending court. In court, a judge decides on fines and restrictions. If no one admits to owning the dog, the dog is put down because the shelter can’t responsibly adopt out a dog with a bite history.
BREED BANS Molina said it’s not the fact that she and Lucy were attacked by a dog in general but the extreme nature of the attack, which she attributes to the breed.
Bans on specific breeds have fallen out of favor in recent years under pressure from residents who consider them arbitrary, discriminatory, and ineffective. Animal rescue groups have argued against them. The ASPCA has said, “Breed-specific legislation, or BSL, is the blanket term for laws that either restrict or ban certain dog breeds in a misguided effort to decrease dog attacks on humans and other animals.” Wyandotte County had a pit bull ban on the books for nearly 30 years and repealed it 5 years ago. Nearly every other city in the metro has repealed breed-specific bans, moving instead to dangerous dog ordinances that focus on the behavior of a dog rather than deeming particular breeds, typically pit bulls, as dangerous.
MOVING FORWARD Molina now plans to move to the suburbs where she hopes she, her husband and Lucy will be safer.
“I’m not going to stay in the city, but I’m going to make as much noise as possible before I leave,” Molina said. “And hopefully it will do something because I don’t know what else to do.”
Chartrand said the police department has been focused on both enforcement and education because, while some are willfully ignoring the rules, others simply grew up with a different perspective on what’s okay. She said the department partners with three outreach groups that hit neighborhoods daily to explain why such rules exist and direct them to free spay/neuter clinics. There are many responsible pet owners in the city, Chartrand emphasized, but those who ignore local ordinances are causing a disproportionate amount of problems.
Chartrand said the number of reported dog bites is down slightly in the past 12 months: 35 versus 42. She added that not everyone is willing to seek charges as a bite victim, and that is an essential step to holding dog owners accountable. She praised Molina for standing firm and encouraged others to show as much conviction.

ACT 1. Sunday afternoon after visiting the local market two brothers wait for their train to arrive. If they were even a minute late, they knew their mother would surely scold them and scold the elder of the two far worse. The idea of another beating did not bother the elder brother; he had been through far worse just dealing with the brat and his attempted jailbreaks, though something did begin to make him painfully nauseous forcing him to feel pressured by the light breeze as if gravity had suddenly been increased tenfold. All his senses were heightening beyond anything he had thought possible.All around him he saw that the once energetic and hyperactive passengers had become little more than mannequins; their movements slowing to a standstill. They had all gone silent. The station was no longer filled with the cries of children or the gentle laughs of their parents. He had never heard such silence in such a crowded location. He did not feel panicked, nor did he feel a need to act for this silence was oddly comforting to him. However, the newly calm atmosphere would quickly be the source of a lifetime of suffering.His hand began to reach for his brother in an attempt to call his attention. Though in a moment of both unprecedented shock and exhaustion John shoved his younger brother onto the rails of an oncoming train. Local news would report the incident as nothing more than a tragic manic episode of a young sixteen-year-old. However, for John this single visceral instant in which all of his brother's bones were instantly crushed was stretched into hours. He was painfully aware of how every bone in his brother's body contorted in inhuman ways some nearly resembling perfect right angles, until eventually, they snapped and sent insurmountable pain throughout his nervous system. His blood curling screams were made mute by the screech of the train coming to a halt, though, by the time they stopped, his brother had torn his every vocal cord and had long ago lost consciousness. Still on the platform, the elder brother stood still, attempting to process what exactly he had done. He had no idea what force had compelled him to push his brother, but that instant would forever define what he saw as reality.That however was nineteen years ago, in present day he lived in isolation far from any person. He spent his isolated days wandering the land around his cabin completing house chores that distracted him from reminiscing about his days in the asylum or as he liked to call it “The Echo Room” where he was transferred after the incident. He headed inside after spending a portion of his morning counting all one-hundred-and-thirty-two trees that were showing signs of life after the harsh winter that nearly forced him to cut down two of them for firewood. Once inside he began preparing his morning coffee when he heard a loud creak come from the hall. He (after many incidents) learnt to avoid the boards that creaked, so in his mind immediately an intruder was breaking into his cabin searching for food or his stash of special edition coffee. Deciding to investigate he walked towards the noise when suddenly he heard two knocks at his front door. Confused and slightly worried, he proceeded to walk towards the door making sure not to step on any of the annoyingly loud floorboards.He approached and looked through the peephole and saw only what remained of the melting snow outside. Opening the door, he saw that only his steps led to the doormat. He glanced around and saw no indication of any life aside a few dark patches on the snow. He was about to close the door when he noticed a tiny red package wrapped in a radiant red bow placed clear from where the door would open. Cautiously picking it up, he noticed how it had almost no weight to it; as if empty. He walked inside and sat at his desk planning to journal later about the weird morning he had been having. He examined the exterior of the package and saw how not only was it near perfect condition but it was also slightly warm to the touch; as if recently held. He undid the bow and cautiously opened the package, half expecting an explosive of some sort. Though, all he found was a ragged ripped piece of paper. Unremarkable aside from the fact that it was inside such a carefully constructed package. On the other side he saw that it had some scarlet lettering inscribed into it reading.“Ouroboros”. At first believing it to be a prank by the kids who had heard rumors about him, and his incident, nearly caused him to dismiss it entirely deeming it little more than a slightly humorous event. He decided to put it aside for now as he had coffee left to drink that was quickly getting cold. He walked back towards the kitchen still distracted by the idea of no trace being left by whoever had left the gift. Was it even a gift? Maybe it was just some well-executed prank? In any manner he would later have a better look at it. He absentmindedly, reached for his cup and immediately pulled his hand back shocked by the temperature of the cup. It was frozen! Almost to a complete solid. He thought himself slightly distracted but not enough to freeze his morning coffee especially not his special edition coffee. First The Box and now this, it was all adding up to an annoying morning. Was it still morning? No, that’s not right. He had just spent the day counting trees. How could it still possibly be morning?The thought of Dr. Lumis being correct about his mental condition after so many years sent a chill down his spine especially since last time they talked, he did not exactly behave amicably. He was sure that both incidents had been isolated events that could never happen again. Sure, he had heard the echoes every once in a while, but he was never insane like the others; this he knew to be a fact. If he was insane, how could he have ever left? Disoriented and beginning to sweat, his legs suddenly gave out causing him to fall backward landing on the cold wooden floorboards. He looked around hurriedly expecting to see an intruder that had somehow found him. After seeing nothing but his pristine furniture, he steadied himself and began to control his breathing. He slowly got up causing the wood underneath to creak under the sudden release of weight. Deciding to further assure himself he went around the cabin checking in all four rooms. He found nothing aside from his own disturbances. Still feeling slightly nervous and disturbed he headed back towards the living room in search for The Box with the red bow determining that it had somehow triggered his current situation. The Box was still where he placed it; much to his relief. He sat down. He looked once again at the scarlet lettering.
Act 2. Back in the asylum he would often spend his days wondering how he could have ever been grouped alongside individuals who had purposefully and viciously committed heinous crimes against innocent victims. He was not insane like them. Whatever had caused his hand to shove his brother had long abandoned him. His routine now consisted of cleaning whatever mess the older residents made in the halls and transporting lab waste to the crematorium. He would clean from the southern stalls all the way to the northern cemetery and make his rounds gathering the waste from the rooms. It was a simple job but lonely, nonetheless. The halls were often only illuminated by tiny flickering red lights that indicated the position of the cameras through which Dr.Lumis would often monitor John during his nightly crusades. Though incredibly distasteful, John did not mind, he accepted that odd situations would be easier to explain if someone of credit had seen them. Yet despite this, he felt he was being watched by someone other than the doctor. He assumed that this feeling was due to the paranoia he had been diagnosed with a few months back. On a particular night, moments after dumping another bag of soft solids and dense liquids down the chute, he heard footsteps, just outside the room. Expecting to see the doctor he begrudgingly walked towards the door. Exiting and seeing no one he called out for the doctor but got no response aside from the echo of his own voice. He began to walk towards where he had heard the footsteps come from when he suddenly collapsed out of exhaustion. The same exhaustion that had plagued him during the moment of his brother’s death. He tried to reach for his panic button (a gift from Lumis) but it had disappeared from his chain. He tried to scream but not a single whisper was heard. He gazed into the dark corridor where he had thought Dr.Lumis had gone, but saw nothing but soft shadows. Though something was unnervingly wrong about them. They moved as if following an order, all synchronized, all heading towards him. That night in the asylum had left him scared to even return to the disposal area; he feared that The Shadows might eventually be able to reach him. The Shadows did not haunt him unaccompanied: they followed alongside The Echo tormenting his nights. While The Shadows could not reach him during daylight, he could never escape The Echo. It followed wherever he went and tracked everything he did. Dr.Lumis explained that he merely suffered from an extreme case paranoia but John saw the others; who yelled and who screamed true nonsense, he was perfectly aware of himself and the ones around him. Dr. Lumis secretly believed patient #132 experienced Hyper-sanity though this he would never verbally confess. It was term he decided would for now adequately describe his patient’s acute awareness of The Shadows and The Echo. John would for many years go without hearing The Echo after that night, only ever hearing what seemed like the final moans of a dying voice. Back in present day, he hoped he wasn’t suffering another hallucination as they tended to leave him in an embarrassing shocked state. He questioned what “Ouroboros” could possibly mean in relation to himself. He considered the possibility of it being an early warning of some threat to the sanctity of his home. He quickly dismissed it as he had not interacted with anyone long enough to possibly annoy them. Weird them out? Sure. Offend them? Maybe with his sense of fashion. Following his incredibly fine-tuned survival instincts he put on a light coat and went outside to walk among the trees. A mundane task, but one he truly enjoyed especially since he hoped it would distract him for a short while. Just before he closed the door behind him, he took one more look at The Box sitting on his desk and decided to take it with him in case he met the person who had left it. The sun had begun to set marking the end of the day. He watched the sun hide behind the mountain range letting the world bathe in darkness for another night. John did not dislike the night (he had worked nightshifts in The Echo Room for years) but he didn’t find the freezing cold to be ideal. He had not left his land for what was a few years now and the idea of even slightly stepping out of his comfort was making him incredibly anxious. Still, he walked forward towards wherever the path took him. The night only got darker and quieter, and he only got colder. He did not see the lightning bugs that usually warded away the dark near the edge of his hill. Without the soft hum of bugs or soft breeze that would brush against his beard he felt alone. Even the nights back in the asylum did not possess this level of quiet. He kept moving hoping that eventually he would find something that could break the uncomfortable silence. As he continued down the hill, he realized he could no longer distinguish the path from the dirt surrounding it. He considered heading back when he realized he had not kept track of where he had come from. Not only was he lost but alone with his thoughts and whatever had been watching him from the start. He walked a step forward and then another one back repeatedly. What he was attempting to achieve was beyond reason. Had he gone mad? No, he was perfectly sane. “Wait, I can hear them clearly now” he spoke, his voice dried from the cold.“This is not a hallucination” he spoke softly.“i-I AM NOT HALLUCINATING” he proclaimed. He heard The Echo once more though they were not of his voice but rather of Another. He had long been aware of “The Echo” but he could never fully determine whether it was a dream or an effect of the chemicals but this Other was undoubtedly real. “I don’t know where you are but please. Are you real?” he asked the night. He could now hear The Echo or rather feel the pressure of its words upon his reality. Had it been trying to hide the Other? He walked forward and pulled out The Box. “You gave me this right? What for? What purpose does it serve?” No one responded.Annoyed, he threw it as far as he could down the hill. “THERE! THIS CAN’T CONTINUE WITHOUT IT, RIGHT?” He shouted at the endless empty. That’s when out of the darkness emerged a faint light. Was it a lightning bug or maybe a sign of civilization?
Act 3. Cautiously, he approached the cold light and saw that the light was artificial. The tube inside flickered before another appeared a few feet ahead, and then another and then another and then what seemed like an uncountable amount more. He took a step forward and noticed that the ground underneath had turned to hard white tile. Accepting that this was not the weirdest occurrence that had affected him he proceeded to walk forward making sure to keep a mental note to journal about it later. The surrounding landscape transformed into white walls that every so often had a window that let him peek at the other side. At first, he could still see the snowy landscape, but it to slowly changed; first having scattered papers and then chairs, cabinets, and desks until they eventually resembled a typical office. Its purpose was not obvious to him, and neither was the hallway but if they were changing surely, it possessed a deeper metaphorical meaning that related to his life. He saw a door at the very end of the hall and decided to not postpone the ploy of whatever “The Echo” was planning. He stood before the door wondering about what it could possibly contain. John proceeded to open the door. Inside was a desk along with a single cabinet. Walking inside he noticed that the room was illuminated by some otherworldly source that had no words that could possibly describe it. He walked towards the desk and a file he had not seen previously, sat open. Inside was a description of his physical appearance. “Age: 35. Height: 5’8. Weight: 185 lbs. Hair: Black with obvious signs of stress. Eyes: Brown. Character Aptitude: High.” “Okay, I get it. I’m old, you didn’t have to expose my hair like that” he said slightly embarrassed quickly restyling his hair. He noticed that even though they had an almost perfect description of his hobbies, dreams and wishes they did not have a single picture as if they for some reason were only able to use words. “SOOO you know about that one time in the asylum (don’t ask) BUT NOT A SINGLE PICTURE? That’s lame.” he said mockingly. On the final page he found what looked like an incomplete file; most of the personal attributes had not yet been filled and only a note was made reading. “They don’t need a complete story just one they can understand.” Besides the fact that whatever role he played in this act had been a mere afterthought; he was confused as to how anyone could have ever gathered such sensitive and personal information about his isolated life. Was it The Echo? Had it told them his life? A phone started to ring somewhere in the room abruptly breaking the silence he had become used to. He quickly rotated towards the source of the ringing but did not find anything. There was only him and the four walls that despite the lighting did not change a shade of grey. He walked towards one of them that seemed to be where the noise came from resting his hand on it and gently put his ear to it thinking that the ringing was from another room entirely. The wall he had just laid a hand on had no longer a physical representation and causing John to fall through to the other side. Disoriented he slowly looked up and saw The Telephone illuminated by what seemed to be the same light that illuminated the previous room. This one however was far more powerful and concentrated solely on The Telephone. He approached it expecting a chasm to somehow appear underneath his feet. The Telephone did not stop ringing and only seemed to increase in intensity (though this could have simply been a hallucination). He lifted it to cut the blaring noise and slowly put it to his ear. “hello?” “…” “…” “The protagonist only dies if the story ends” the voice said quietly. “HUH? YOU DRAGGED ME HERE TO TELL ME THAT OMINOUSLY ANNOYING LOAD OF *********!” “…I’m so sorry” The call disconnected not out of offense but rather out of completion. John slammed the phone back onto its stand and decided it was time for this nonsense to end. He walked out into the room he was in before anxiously attempting to find another exit: only to be met with solid walls. What wicked game had he been roped into? When would it end? These were questions he would answer far earlier than he expected. A door appeared in the center of the room. No, it was more of a two-dimensional plane that appeared to be a sort of portal. With no other options, John stepped into the newly opened portal.
Act 4. On the other side was a station, and his ears were immediately flooded with the cries of children and the laughs of their parents. He walked around moving through the crowd careful to not miss any indication of the location. His pace increased as he began to recognize the commuters shortly realizing exactly where he was. He rushed to a platform, the platform where he and his brother were to arrive after their day in the market. He sat on a nearby bench committed to saving his brother no matter who he would have to shove instead. Three agonizing days passed with the daily commuters repeating their routine with the slightest variations. One of these variations would be the key to preventing the day that haunted his nights. Something would soon cause him to shove his brother onto the tracks. He was determined to stop the fall or kill himself to keep his brother safe.He heard a familiar laughter and turned towards the source and saw his brothers face uncontrollably laughing and himself lightly smiling. He began to run towards them but felt once again suddenly exhausted. As if the air became a type of nonnewtonian sludge making his legs impossibly heavy. The crowd around him seemed to be moving just as easily as before; children laughing just as maniacally and just as carelessly. He tried to yell to them, but his lungs were filled with the dense fluid drowning any screams he attempted. He was forced to watch how his brother got closer and closer to the edge. Through much effort, he managed to get close enough to extend a hand towards his past trying to desperately push him away from his brother. The past reacted in what seemed to be a defensive system and sent a temporal anomaly throughout the space his past and present inhabited. Time began to exponentially speed forward. In a last desperate attempt to prevent his brother’s death he tried to distract the past long enough to let the train pass without incident, but the temporal anomaly caused the relative slow velocity of his touch to have the effect of a sudden jerk and in his final moments of consciousness he saw his brother accelerate towards the rails in a split second. He awoke back in the office alone with nothing, but the realization of what force had killed his brother. He curled into the fetal position and began to cry; still believing his lungs to be filled with the dense liquid he did not let out a single sigh. He spent several hours in this state of painful silence without even opening his eyes. His emotions were chaotic and his thoughts unending. They tormented him for hours far after he had run out of tears to let out. They were merciless and torturous forbidding him from resting, insisting on his suffering. Being the cause of his brother’s death nearly caused him to go insane yet part of him kept insisting that Another was to blame. Another had caused him to do it. The Other had forced his hand. Of this, he was now sure. The Other enjoyed his suffering, The Other forced him to kill his brother. He had not eaten nor slept in what seemed like years and yet he stood up defying the gravity that held him down. He took a deep breath of as much oxygen as his lungs allowed and began to speak. “Whoever you are. Whatever you are. Wherever you are. Just know I will no longer play for your entertainment the rest is entirely my choice” he said threateningly. He then began to walk forwards confidently towards the dark wall and through the hidden door that he was not supposed to see. He entered what seemed to be a studio room though, unlike the sterile office; it was trashed. Papers littered the floor and empty bottles populated the lone mattress. On it laid a journal that had recently had liquid spilt on it. He picked the journal and gently opened it and began to read. It was scratched with the stray ideas of a creator who seemed to have never decided upon an end or beginning to his story; yet possessing the journey. He saw many ideas that together seemed to create a way for the continuity to depend entirely on Another rather than itself. A thought described in a single word interested him enough to take it with him. The room started to dissolve around him transforming into a cold landscape. Armed with the knowledge of who he was he treaded what remained of the worn-out path. The sun began to rise signing the start of another day, yet John did not seem to notice as he was focused on something buried in the snow. He could not see much of it yet he knew it was The Box he had thrown the previous night. He dug it up and began his walk up the hill once more. He eventually arrived at his cabin and walked towards his front door….
Act 5.
If you wish to rebel; continue reading on the next page.
Begin the story once more on Truth 2.
If you wish to ward away The Other; don’t read any further
If you wish to follow The Echo read Truth 3
To understand turn to Truth 4
Truth 1
…Before deciding that no longer would he be a puppet for someone’s amusement. John arrogantly began marched back down the hill and headed north towards the nearest interstate a few miles from his home hoping that he had derailed The Echo’s plot. It took him hours on foot, but he would eventually come across the road and start his journey back to civilization no longer subject to the whims of an Otherworldly Audience. He believed his future was now his to decide. He decided what he would become. He decided when and what to think. This he was sure would be how he escaped his torment. John suddenly suffered a complete body collapse and fell forward landing face first onto the scorching road. It would be several sweltering hours before anyone would find him. But eventually someone did, john suffering heavy burns and on the brink of death was saved. He would awake months later in a hospital bed though no one would ever know of this. Weeks would pass as john laid in the hospital bed unable to speak or even move; alerting no one to his consciousness. The doctors and nurses were busy with whatever important patients needed immediate attention; they walked from one end to the other in what seemed like mere minutes. The entire time the only company he had was The Echo and yet slowly it too seemed to forget his existence as well. Eventually The Echo having no interest went away.Jane a third-year medical student had recently joined the staff a month prior and had already been assigned two elders and one child. Though overwhelmed she did not grow annoyed nor frustrated; she loved her job and by proxy her patients. Despite her benevolent nature there was a single patient she never went near as he always seemed to be watching her despite his eyes being shut for over four months. Any time she got near to patient #132 she would begin to get nauseous and quickly retreat. She had no ID on the man, but it seemed he was dehydrated for far longer than should’ve been possible and should be by all accounts dead if not near it. Whenever she worked nightshifts, she would swear that she heard the man whimper slightly as if to warn her of something. Even when she was on the opposite side of the building, she would hear the echo of his groans. She would eventually be transferred and would soon forget the man who after 6 months was officially declared braindead and was due to be disposed of, yet she would still every once in a while, still hear The Echo. Forgotten Ending
Truth 2…Realizing that there was no other choice John took a step forward while placing the note he ripped from the journal into The Box making sure to keep it neatly packaged. He saw the footprints he had left two nights before and carefully stepped into each one making sure to not disturb the surrounding snow. Whatever…Whoever had set him on this path allowed him to live a life of suffering, a life of loss, and a life of pain. This, he felt was the way things were intended to play out; the way it had to end. He placed The Box on the final step making sure it would not be knocked away whenever the door would eventually open. He walked away nearly to the edge of the property when he looked back once more. Managing to peek inside he saw his past still making his coffee when he saw an almost invisible distortion appear near the front door. He smiled and turned away only saying…Freedom ending
Truth 3…though spotting a disturbance near the back of the cabin distracted him from the front door. He decided to investigate for fear of losing a single blossoming tree. Arriving near the back fence he saw no indication of a disturbance giving him much needed reassurance. He heard noise emerge from inside the cabin giving him one more dilemma to deal with. He headed to the backdoor making sure to not disturb the recent snow and entered the cabin. Being sleep deprived and without coffee he had forgotten about the wooden floor and stepped on one that caused a creak to be heard throughout the cabin. He quickly hid in the bathroom fearing that he had disturbed the continuity that The Echo had established when suddenly a bright flash blinded him. He found himself at the front door next to The Box. Slightly amused he proceeded to knock on the door and was soon after transported once more to an empty hall. Both confused and entertained as he was being transported from one place in time to another he took a few steps forward alerting the past to his presence. Seeing his past enter the hall he ducked and quickly hid around the corner. His past seemed to believe that the doctor was in the halls and decided to investigate though just as he was nearing closer; his past collapsed. John saw how his fall was slowed as if moving through the dense liquid he had once gone through. He walked towards his past and noticed an old fashioned panic button that would instantly call Dr.Lumis to his location. Measuring the consequences, he decided to remove the panic button and head back towards The Shadows. For a third and final time he was transported to a final location, the bottom of a snowy hill. Taking in his surroundings he noticed burn marks on the snow where his past would eventually walk through the portal whenever the past caught up. He reached into his pocket and realized how the plot was supposed to move forward. He walked until he reached the exact point where his past would once again find The Box. He kneeled and buried The Box making sure to erase any evidence of his own disturbances. Fully fulfilling his purpose John collapsed. The End.
“Did the hero die?” “What?” “Did he die?” “No? He beat the bad guy and saved the day remember?” “Yea but like AFTER.” “Well, I guess after a few years he would.” “No” The young child said growing annoyed, “when you said, “The End” did he die?” “No.” responded the elder brother. “Then what happened to him? Is he still alive?” “The protagonist only dies if you stop reading.” concluded the elder brother as if possessed. Begin again?
Truth 4…Then just as he took his first step forward everything began to rot. His trees, his home, his coffee, all of it was slowly eroding into a fine dust. He knew that another temporal anomaly would be the likely cause, but he had not yet experienced one that possessed this level of molecular destruction. The fabric of his reality was slowly and thoroughly being untangled into its most simple of compositions. It separated the light from dark, gravity from time, and words from spaces.John could now comprehend what had defined his reality for so many painful years, he finally understood The Narrative and how all possible endings had been chosen long before his creation. John had been a slave from the moment The Narrative began; not once in his entire existence had he ever had a real choice only walking paths already treaded by Another. He was nothing but a plot device in an otherwise self-indulging tale written by a gentle master forced to be cruel for those above. From the moment this story began, John was in pain. He could never hope to truly escape; he could only die until he arose once more. Had John never understood what his life really was then maybe he could’ve found meaning in his suffering. Unfortunately, this choice has now forced John to become aware of how truly meaningless his existence was. His life was little more than entertainment for The Other; they were the ones truly in control. For as long as The Other remained, The Echo would doom John to eternal suffering. The Echo was never in control of The Narrative; he too was merely a subject to it by an even greater force. The Echo did not wish for John to suffer but The Other would not allow John to live if he did not. It is a toxic cycle of pain, suffering and realization that forces John to relive The Narrative lifetime after lifetime. The Narrative must have suffering intertwined into its foundation otherwise The Other would grow bored and erase the reality ending John in but a mere thought. Don’t you see? Don’t you understand? This is reality; John cannot exist without pain, The Echo cannot live without a narrative, and The Other is you. THE END......
Intended to be a philosophical narrative detailing the tragic relationship between the reader, the narrator, and the character and how they cannot coexist without hurting each other.

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I don’t really know where the story of my alcoholism begins, though I only admitted I was an alcoholic about one month ago, and as of the time I’m writing this, I’ve only been sober for about 30 hours.
I never remember drinking in any meaningful capacity until I enlisted into the Marine Corps at 18, directly following high school. I’d rather not go into much detail about my service, but I remember many times partying with fellow Marines on the weekends or on leave and getting absolutely shitfaced, but it was never a regular occurrence, and I never drove drunk, got caught by my superiors, or ever really thought about anything other than the horrible hangovers I would get.
After getting medically retired, and moving back home, this is where I believe it slowly began. I started processing the unaddressed traumas of not only military service, but as I reconnected with family for the first real time in adulthood, I began to realize how my family had adversely affected my formative years, and how the mental, verbal, and sometimes physical abuse began to come up to the surface of my daily reality.
But even still, I was a cigarette smoker and would very seldom do things like smoke weed. Drank socially and rarely to excess.
Between 2012-2014, I believe, is where things began to start escalating, though still slowly. I had a horrible relationship end horribly. Got fired from my first job. Had to drop out of school. I was quickly going broke (due to said lost job). I got fortunate in mid 2014 to land a cool healthcare job. I worked nights. I began to notice I would come home every morning and drink 2-3 VERY stout martinis. And it got worse on my off days. That is until I discovered bourbon.
I loved everything about it. The history. The process of making it. The diversity. The taste. I found myself going out more and more to bars, distilleries, etc. Buying, collecting, building a network of friends who also enjoyed bourbon. Talking about bourbon to fellow coworkers.
In 2017, following multiple break-ups/get back togethers with my girlfriend at the time, I found out she was pregnant, and I had just started working for a very busy EMS system while also in school. The relationship was not stable, and shortly thereafter, I had the final falling out with my family after their despicable behavior in the final months of pregnancy and when my girlfriend delivered my beautiful daughter.
Due to an absolute shit work schedule (24 hour shifts), a hectic school schedule (typically 2 school days and at least two clinical days), an unstable relationship, and new parenthood, I believe this to be the turning point. I remember not wanting to come home. I remember wanting, needing to drink. I remember my anxiety and depression beginning to unfold rapidly. But somehow, it still never reached a critical mass. When my daughter was 3 months old, I broke off the relationship, we moved to our own places, and decided to coparent.
As time moved forward, I began collecting and consuming more bourbon. At first, I was very good about not drinking much or anything at all on my days with my kid. I started working a lot of overtime, sometimes working 2.5 shifts (60 hours) straight, because money I guess. But this added stress on my body and mind and the constant exposure to the ugliest of illness and injury, trauma and despair drove my need to drink, my anxiety and my depression even further.
I began driving tipsy. Getting in stupid arguments with my next partner and leaving to go on a bourbon “hunt.” I began working more because I was spending insane amounts of money on allocated bourbons. And I would be surprised and somehow prideful that I’d put down a half bottle of rare, high proof bourbon the night before, but ignoring the fact I couldn’t remember shit about that night until my partner reminded me of how much of an asshole I’d been.
That relationship eventually ended. In truth we weren’t good for each other for many reasons on both sides, but on my side, my drinking got way out of hand. I drove tipsy or drunk regularly. We got in an argument one time downtown and I left her there because she didn’t want to be in the car of a drunk driver. My drinking, among other things, caused me to become emotionally abusive and an emotional roller coaster.
After it ended, I found a new version of myself after a long period of severe depression and anxiety and got back in to many of the passions I’d neglected for years. But I still drank. Heavily.
I left EMS to work in the ER for better hours, pay, more professional support, etc. It was a godsend. Or so I thought.
Then I met my new partner, my current one. We’ve been together for over 3 years. We both struggle with depression and anxiety. But I’m the only one who still struggles with alcoholism. And as it has gotten worse as each new relationship begins and ends, I’ve found that in this one it’s reached the absolute critical mass.
I’ve gotten so drunk that I had a massive panic attack and held a gun to my head. Thankfully my former best friends were also there to talk me down (I say former because I recently had a bender where I kicked them out of my life).
I’ve gotten so drunk that I’ve continued to drive drunk, and that has resulted in my flattening a tire on my car, and backing into a parked care at a Mexican restaurant. The latter generated a county sheriffs deputy to come out for a police report and I somehow did not get a DUI.
But I continued.
Countless drunken fights. Countless times of us fighting and me kicking her out of my house, for her to drive 35 mins back to her house and for us not to talk for a few days.
And then the past month.
I drank so much over a few days that I was suicidal, so much so that my partner couldn’t get through to me, it turned mildly physical (from what she said, me grabbing her arm, which I’d never in my life done before), and ended up leaving my house and calling crisis, and because I was also making threats and am a gun owner, it generated a SWAT response in my neighborhood. Somehow SOMEHOW, I was never pulled out of my house and taken to get committed.
I stopped drinking entirely after that. Went through moderate alcohol withdrawal for three days. And then started drinking again after six days following a very mild disagreement with my partner that set off my anxiety. And, me being the idiot I am, didn’t realize that drinking would make it worse.
I managed to not drink liquor for roughly two weeks following that argument, but drank beer instead. Never really got drunk or even tipsy, but was still drinking. I was “cutting back.”
Then this past Monday, another bender lasting 48 hours. Back in the bourbon. Started by a mild argument that escalated, and quite frankly almost ended us due to a breach of trust (I was at fault). She needed to take a day to process and I got pissed and went out and bought $130 worth of bourbon and finished a 1.75 liter bottle of 101 proof bourbon in 24 hours. She came over, we fought, she left. She came back over, we fought, tried to leave and I physically wouldn’t let her, she left, she came back.
I ended up stopping, but not until I began having quite literally the worst pain, located in my lower abdomen, that I’ve ever experienced in my life. She forced me to go to the ER we both work at. I wasn’t acting drunk, but people, my coworkers knew. I wasn’t admitted because my abdominopelvic workup was negative. But at least now I understand why people get addicted to opiates. And after the truckload of IV Dilaudid (hydromorphone) I received, and the horrible constipation that has followed, I don’t ever want any of that shit again.
And now, today, I don’t ever want alcohol again.
I’m so tired of not remembering. Of having intimate moments with my partner and not remembering them. Of missing sunrises because I can’t get up before 2 pm. Of being fooled that I’m drinking to cure my anxiety and depression when, in fact, it makes it so much worse. I’m 35…I don’t want dementia when I’m 50 because I’ve damaged my brain so much. I’m tired of the person that alcohol makes me.
I had myself convinced for so long that I was a happy drunk, a fun drunk. And maybe I was in the past. But I was still an alcoholic. And while I may always be, I don’t have to be addicted to it anymore.
I have a long road ahead, and I hope to not fall down again. I realize I may, due to the stressors of life and parenthood and relationships and my job. But I can choose to not stop at the liquor store before I go in to work tonight so I can drink tomorrow morning after my ER shift. I can choose to not drink when my partner and I go out to eat Monday evening for our weekly Mexican food. I can choose each day to be sober.
And I’m gonna try.
—-If you read this entire post (long I know) I hope you realize the two things I’ve realized in my very brief period of not drinking:
That, one, alcoholism is such an insidious, sneaky evildoer that tricks you into believing you’re not guilty while also tricking you into using it to calm your depression and anxiety, even though it exacerbates them. It shifts the blame and convinces you that it isn’t the problem, much like a partner or employer might gaslight you.
And, two, that me telling my partner I’m an alcoholic and trying every day to stay clean, while only being in the second day has been simultaneously the most defeating and hopeful feeling I’ve felt in a very long time.
My second day. I hope for many more.

Navajo Skinwalkers
In the Navajo culture, a skinwalker is a type of harmful witch who has the ability to turn into, possess, or disguise themselves as an animal.
This witch is called “yee naaldlooshii” by the Navajo, which translates to “with it, he goes on all fours.”
It is just one of several types of Navajo witches and is considered the most volatile and dangerous.
For the Navajo people, witchcraft is just another part of their spirituality and one of the “ways” of their lives.
As such, witchcraft has long been part of their culture, history, and traditions.
Witches exist alongside humans and are not supernaturals.
The Navajo believe there are places where the powers of both good and evil are present and that those powers can be harnessed for either.
Medicine men utilize these powers to heal and aid members of their communities, while those who practice Navajo witchcraft, seek to direct the spiritual forces to cause harm or misfortune to others.
This type of Navajo witchcraft is known as the “Witchery Way,” which uses human corpses in various ways such as tools from the bones, and concoctions that are used to curse, harm, or kill intended victims.
The knowledge of these powers is passed down from the elders through the generations.
The Navajo are part of a larger culture area that also includes the Pueblo people, Apache, Hopi, Ute, and other groups that also have their own versions of the Skinwalker, but each includes a malevolent witch capable of transforming itself into an animal.
Among these tribes, a number of stories and descriptions have been told throughout the years about the Skinwalkers.
Sometimes, these witches evolved from living their lives as respected healers or spiritual guides, who later chose to use their powers for evil.
Though they can be either male or female, they are more often male.
They walk freely among the tribe during the day and secretly transform under the cover of night.
In order to become a Skinwalker, he or she must be initiated by a secret society that requires the evilest of deeds – the killing of a close family member, most often a sibling.
After this task has been completed, the individual then acquires supernatural powers, which gives them the ability to shape-shift into animals.
Most often, they are seen in the form of coyotes, wolves, foxes, cougars, dogs, and bears, but can take the shape of any animal.
They then wear the skins of the animals they transform into, hence, the name Skinwalker. Sometimes, they also wore animal skulls or antlers atop their heads, which brought them more power.
They choose what animal they wanted to turn into, depending on the abilities needed for a particular task, such as speed, strength, endurance, stealth, claws, and teeth, etc.
They may transform again if trying to escape from pursuers.
Because of this, the Navajo consider it taboo for its members to wear the pelt of any predatory animal. However, sheepskin, leather, and buckskin are acceptable.
The skinwalkers are also able to take possession of the bodies of human victims if a person locks eyes with them.
After taking control, the witch can make its victims do and say things that they wouldn’t otherwise.
Once they were shape-shifted, one way that others could tell that they were not a real animal is that their eyes are very different than those of the animal.
Instead, their eyes are very human, and when lights are shined on them, they turn bright red.
Alternatively, when they are in human form, their eyes look more like animals.
The evil society of the witches gather in dark caves or secluded places for several purposes – to initiate new members, plot their activities, harm people from a distance with black magic, and perform dark ceremonial rites.
These ceremonies are similar to other tribal affairs, including dancing, feasts, rituals, and sand-painting, but were “corrupted” with dark connotations.
The evildoers are also said to engage in necrophilia with female corpses, commit cannibalism, incest, and grave robberies.
During these gatherings, the Skinwalkers shape-shift into their animal forms or go about naked, wearing only beaded jewelry and ceremonial paint.
The leader of the Skinwalkers is usually an old man, who is a very powerful and long-lived Skinwalker.
Skinwalkers also have other powers including reading others’ minds, controlling their thoughts and behavior, causing disease and illness, destroying property, and even death.
Those who have talked of their encounters with these evil beings describe a number of ways to know if a skinwalker is near.
They make sounds around homes, such as knocking on windows, banging on walls, and scraping noises on the roof.
On some occasions, they have been spied peering through windows.
More often, they appear in front of vehicles in hopes of causing a serious accident.
It is said that, in addition to being able to shapeshift, the Skinwalker is also able to control the creatures of the night, such as wolves and owls, and to make them do its bidding.
Some are able to call up the spirits of the dead and reanimate the corpses to attack their enemies.
Because of this, you shouldn't ventured out alone.
Its supernatural powers are uncanny, as they are said to run faster than a car and have the ability to jump high cliffs.
They are extremely fast, agile, impossible to catch and leave tracks that are larger than those of any animal. When they have been seen, they have been described as not quite human and not fully animal.
They are usually naked, but some have reported seeing the creature wearing tattered shirts or jeans.
The Skinwalker kills out of greed, anger, envy, spite, or revenge.
It also robs graves for personal wealth and to collect much-needed ingredients for use in black magic.
These witches live on the unexpired lives of their victims and they must continually kill or perish themselves.
Skinwalkers and other witches have long been blamed for all manner of unexpected struggles and tragedies through the years, including sickness, drought, poor crops, and sudden deaths.
Even smaller or individual problems such as windstorms during dances, alienation of affection by mates, the death of livestock, and reversal of fortune, were often believed to be the work of a witch.
This was most apparent with the Navajo Witch Purge of 1878, which initially evolved from a cultural response to so many people moving across and onto their lands.
After a series of wars with the U.S. Army, the Navajo were expelled from their land and forced to march to the Bosque Redondo (Fort Sumner) in New Mexico in what is known as the Long Walk of the Navajo in 1864.
There, the people suffered from bad water, failed crops, illness, and death, reducing their numbers dramatically.
After four years, the government finally admitted they had made a mistake and the Navajo were allowed to return to their homeland in the Four Corners area.
During these years, many of the tribe’s members were said to have turned to shape-shifting to escape the terrible conditions.
In the meantime, the rest of the tribe were convinced that their gods had deserted them.
Once the people had returned to their homeland, their conditions improved, but the dreaded skinwalkers, for whom they blamed for their years on the bleak reservation, were still among them.
Accusations of witchcraft and the hunting of the skinwalkers began.
When someone found a collection of witch artifacts wrapped in a copy of the Treaty of 1868, the tribal members unleashed deadly consequences.
The “Navajo Witch Purge” occurred in 1878, in which 40 Navajo suspected witches were killed in order to restore harmony and balance for the tribe.
Today, most of the tales of sightings of these witches do not include death or injury, but rather, are more “trickster-like.”
Numerous people have told stories of swift animals running alongside their vehicles, matching their speed. After a short period, however, they run off into the wilderness.
Along the way, these animals sometimes turn into a man, who sometimes bangs on the hood.
Another story tells of a man who was making repairs on an old ranch home when he began to hear loud laughter coming from the nearby sheep pens.
Thinking he was alone, he went to investigate and found all of the sheep but one huddled in one corner of the pen.
However, there was a lone ram separated from the group that was standing upright and laughing in a very human manner.
After the man locks eyes with the ram, he sees that his eyes are not that of an animal, but very like a human’s. The animal then casually walked away on all four legs.
Some say they have seen them running through the night, sometimes turning into a fiery ball, leaving streaks of color behind them.
Others have seen angry-looking humanoid figures looking down on them from cliffs, mountains, and mesas.
In the 1980s one of the most notable events occurred when a family was driving through the Navajo Reservation.
As they slowed to make a sharp curve, something jumped from the ditch.
It was described as black, hairy, and wore a shirt and pants.
A few days after this event, at their home in Flagstaff, Arizona, the family was awakened to the sounds of loud drumming and chanting.
Outside their home were three dark forms of “men” outside their fence.
However, these shadowy creatures were seemingly unable to climb the fence and soon left.
These events have occurred in the Four-Corners area of southwest Colorado, southeast Utah, northeast Arizona, and northwest New Mexico.
In the 1990s, a ranch in northeast Utah, far away from the Navajo Reservation, became the partial focus of the Skinwalkers.
Called the Sherman Ranch, the Skinwalker Ranch, and the UFO Ranch, this place has a history of UFOs, aliens, cattle mutilations, and crop circles.
Located near the Ute Indian reservation, these people have long thought that the Navajo put a curse on their tribe in retribution for many perceived transgressions and since then, the skinwalkers have plagued the Ute people.
Witchcraft represents the antithesis of Navajo cultural values and is not tolerated.
They work to avoid it, prevent it, and cure it in their daily behaviors.
However, when it exists, their laws have always said that when a person becomes a witch, they have forfeited their humanity and their right to exist, so they should be killed.
However, skinwalkers are notoriously hard to kill and attempts are usually unsuccessful.
Trying to kill one will often result in the witch seeking revenge.
Successful killing generally requires the assistance of a powerful shaman, who knows spells and rituals that can turn the Skinwalker’s evil back upon itself.
Another alternative is to shoot the creature with bullets that have been dipped into white ash.
However, this shot must hit the witch in the neck or the head.
Traditionally, the Navajo will not speak with outsiders about these creatures, for fear of retribution by the skinwalkers.
For that matter, it is a taboo subject amongst the natives themselves.
“These are not things that need or should be discussed by outsiders.
At all.
I’m sorry if that seems ‘unfair,’ but that’s how our cultures survive.” – Dr. Adrienne Keene, Native American academic, writer, and activist

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