How much is it to rent a camaro

I wanted to post this here -- to get feedback on what I'm proposing to do. Maybe it's crazy, but owing this much money is really stressing me out. I'm thinking of doing something drastic- like going to a shelter.
I thought I would be able to find work in this city that I landed in after working is seasonal job out west last Fall.
I'm not ashamed to say - it's Chicago.
I can't tell you how many jobs I've applied to for the past 5 months. I paid for my first few months out of my savings for my seasonal job.
There is no help for back rent if you are not evicted, trust me I've tried everything- I'm pretty Am I crazy?
My ideas are: 1. Applying for another seasonal job (escape hatch) 2. Go to a shelter 3. Go back to Philly ( I know my way around)
Big 😔 sigh...

I remember since ever I was so young I always wanted them to get separated, I hated how my mom would get physically, verbally and emotionally abused by my dad, on the outside, everyone thinks he is a really good guy, I’m almost 23 now and I have suffered my whole life because of him, I’m happy that mom has finally decided to leave,sadly,, in my country getting a divorce is not easy, she wanted to rent a place and us moving out together but I was worried he’s sue my mom for running away with children, men has more control over things here than women, for a man it’s so easy to divorce a woman, but the otherwise is not, for women it is extremely hard and needs to have reason and proof of why she wants to get a divorce.
She finally found a good lawyer and is going to the court tomorrow, and tonight we’re signing a contract for staying at the new place we found. I have two younger brothers, things are very tough, after seeing my mom getting abused so much and my dad breaking everything in the house it feels like I am a dead body, I don’t feel anything, I just move and keep going and helping my mom as much as I can.
She does not want anything, all she wants is to be free from this and live peacefully.
I am very out of energy, I don’t like my life at all,, if you can, please comment and say some positive words to make me keep going in life, I’m seriously shattered. I’ve only explained my situation im short but there is so much more to that. I really want support, want to hear that the future is brighter, I am very scared, would we still keep staying the same forever? This house feels like a torture place, I really can’t wait to move out..

I sit alone in my room on the seventh floor, writing what will surely be my last will and testament. The heroin which allowed me to forget and to sleep for the last couple of years has lost its power to keep the screaming terrors away. The drug destroyed my body and mind, gradually eating away at them like a corrosive acid. Now I have become a slave to it. And yet, without it, I do not sleep for weeks, but instead continuously see the scenes from that terrible night running through my head on repeat as worsening waves of madness crash on the shores of my consciousness.
In the caverns under the town of Frost Hollow, I found the meaning of true madness. Ever since I escaped that den of horrors, it is difficult to tell what is real and what is only the feverish delirium of an unhinged mind.
Even now, they wait behind the door to this cheap, bare rented room. They drag their claws over the wood. I hear them hissing in that strange, ancient tongue, the one I first heard in the tombs of rock that had been undisturbed for countless millennia.
***
I had first heard rumors of an unexplored cavern from my friend, an experienced caver named Sonia who had explored caverns all over the world. I had been looking for some excitement in my life, some break from the constant monotony and boredom of simply working and sleeping. I had gone caving quite a few times over the year leading up to the trip, but I was not nearly as experienced and had never explored a supposedly virgin passageway of cavern before.
“How do you know no one’s gone down there?” I asked, curious. We sat across from each other at a local diner, getting some early breakfast before our planned descent. The sunrise was still another half-hour away, the sky flat and dark. We would be joined by Sonia’s husband, Phil, who would meet us there shortly after sunrise. I repressed an urge to yawn, chugging half of the steaming hot coffee in one long swallow. Sonia leaned close to me, her nearly colorless blue eyes reminding me of chunks of ice floating down a muddy stream.
“Phil’s friend just found it randomly,” she whispered before glancing around conspiratorially, as if she feared someone would care enough to eavesdrop on a conversation about a cave. “Well, it’s in the middle of a farm, and Phil’s friend, Jack Graysole, owns the entire property and surrounding woods. Jack says he noticed the cows kept going over to a certain spot in the field when it got really hot during the summertime. They would all gather around this little indentation in the grass. After seeing it a few times, Jack got curious and went to investigate what the cows were doing.
“He found a small hole in the ground, almost entirely covered by weeds and grass. He said he felt a cool breeze constantly blowing out of the hole, a breeze that smelled like burning matches and charred metal. After bringing out some shovels and digging down a couple feet, Jack realized that the hole wasn’t a hole at all, but the beginning of a steep passageway leading deep into the bowels of the earth.”
***
The owner of the land decided to unofficially call the newly-discovered cavern Graysole Caverns. Out of respect for him, this is also the name we all used. This is the story of how I found myself in the bowels of a strange subterranean tunnel, a tunnel where creatures beyond my comprehension slunk and hunted, skittering monstrosities who would be more at home in a nightmare.
After grabbing a couple coffees to take with us, Sonia drove over to Graysole Farms. Cows stood out in the grassy fields, huddled in tight circles as they repetitively chewed. The thin silhouette of Jack Graysole waited for us next to the herd. He had a face like a raisin, I thought to myself. I watched his thin, shaking body standing in the middle of an overgrown grassy field. Jack stared down blankly at something only he could see. Sonia and I started unloading some equipment from the car while we waited for Phil.
Once we had the backpacks loaded with some simple supplies, such as water, food, headlamps, rope, a couple extra batteries, some buck knives, and radios, we headed over to accompany Jack. We weren’t taking much, as we didn’t really expect to be down there for more than six or seven hours at the most.
Jack Graysole’s withered old face was as slack and expressionless as that of a corpse. He stared down at the ground as if he were in a trance, waving back and forth slowly on his feet like a plant in a light breeze.
“Jack?” Sonia called out as we approached. I could hear the man’s teeth chattering as we got nearer.
“Hey, what are you doing over here this early? You interested in accompanying us down there?” Sonia joked. But Jack might as well have been totally deaf for all the reaction he gave. Sonia glanced over at me with an anxious expression. I wondered if the old man was having a stroke.
I quickly walked over to where he stood, staring down at a black circular hole about three feet across directly in front of his feet. The entrance to Graysole Caverns stared up at us like a sightless pupil. As I drew within a few feet of Jack and looked straight into his blank eyes, I noticed something alarming.
His pupils were quickly dilating and constricting before my eyes. They would shrink to tiny pinpoints, then, a couple seconds later, rapidly expand until they became dark and serious. I could see his thready, rapid heartbeat pulsating in a vein on the side of his temple. Alarmed, I reached forward and put my hand on his shoulder.
Instantly, he came to life, like a man waking up from a nightmare. Shrieking, he looked at me with fully dilated pupils, reminding me of a panicked deer surrounded by wolves. His quavering old man’s voice shook with ineffable existential horror and mortal fear.
He took a step back away from us, seeming to realize where he was and what he was doing. He looked around, confused, then straight at me and Sonia. His eyes focused with anger and fear, as if we were demons here to drag him down to Hell. His eyes flicked back and forth between us constantly. Jack raised a trembling hand and pointed it straight at my heart.
“It’s you,” he said, his voice dropping to a harsh whisper. His teeth chattered despite the warm spring air. His skin looked deathly pale. “You’re the one who will bring an end to humanity, who will release the ruler of nightmares upon us.” He continued to point accusingly for a long moment at me, his face turning chalk-white. Then his eyes rolled up in his head. Slowly, he stumbled and fell backwards onto the soft grass of the field.
“Jack!” Sonia cried, running over to the old man. Jack’s breaths had started to come in slow, drawn-out gurgles, like a man with a slit throat trying to breathe. Frothy blood bubbled from his lips as they turned blue. Staring up at the endless expanse of cloudless sky, he exhaled one last shuddering breath and died.
***
Phil showed up only a couple minutes later. He found me and Sonia in a state of utter panic, both of us bent double over the still body of Jack. Sonia was on the phone with 911, and I was trying to give Jack chest compressions. The way his fingernails and lips shone with that cyanotic blue cast made me feel sick and weak. I knew it was futile, that I was simply playing with a corpse at this point, but I didn’t know what else to do. I felt if I didn’t do something, I might explode.
I heard the faint wailing of sirens approaching as Sonia’s panicked voice continued babbling to the 911 operator. Phil stood by her side, his tall, dark features searching and lost.
“Oh God, I think he’s dead!” Sonia cried over and over to the operator, as if she thought the operator could do anything about it. I didn’t hear what the operator said in response. As the ambulance pulled in, I gave up on chest compressions. I stood up and took a step back, looking sadly down on the kindly old man’s dead body.
The paramedics ran over. Phil, Sonia and I stood back while they worked on the corpse, trying to shock the heart back into life. But Jack’s open eyes stayed glazed as they stared sightlessly up into eternity.
***
The paramedics left. A couple police officers stayed behind to ask us a few routine questions. Eventually, after an hour or so, they left, too.
“What a fucked-up day,” Phil said, shaking his head grimly. “Do you guys still want to do this? Maybe it’s an omen from God telling us to go home.” Sonia and I exchanged a glance, then we both nodded at the same time.
“Definitely,” she said. “It’s sad what happened to Jack, but realistically, we don’t know what’s going to happen to this property now that he’s passed away. It might get sold or taken by the bank for all we know. This could be our one and only chance to explore this cave.”
“I don’t believe in omens. I’m still down,” I said, feeling slightly sick from the experience. I still remembered how Jack’s body had cracked under the weight of my chest compressions, how his ribs had snapped like bones shattering in greedy hands. “We’ll do it in memory of Jack. I plan to put this up on YouTube.” I pulled my GoPro out of my bag, turning it on. Phil groaned at that.
“Do we have any idea how far down this cave goes?” Phil asked. I felt a sense of relief now that the topic had changed from the death of the old man.
“I sent a little camera down on a rope, but it only went about a hundred feet,” Sonia responded. “It’s pretty steep at first, then it levels out. I couldn’t really see much after it leveled out, but it looks like it should be easy to climb down. There’s plenty of handholds, lots of jutting rocks.”
Phil put on his headlamp and small pack. As he crawled down into the hole, his tanned face looked up at us and gave us one last devilish grin. Once he had gone down a few dozen feet, Sonia started descending. She looked excited and happy. I noticed how she couldn’t stop smiling as she disappeared from view.
I watched their lights grow smaller and dimmer in the circular tunnel. I marveled at how perfectly circular the entrance was. It almost didn’t even look natural.
Taking a deep breath in, I followed my friends down into the dark.
***
“This isn’t too bad,” I said as I climbed down. The jutting rocks gave plenty of handholds and footholds for us. It wasn’t so tight that it felt like a coffin, either.
“It only gets easier from here!” Sonia called up.
“How do you know?” I asked. “You said you’ve never been here before.” She laughed.
“I know. Probably just wishful thinking,” she said. Far below us, Jack’s voice drifted up, faint and weak. He had already reached the bottom.
“The tunnel really opens up down here, guys,” he called. “It’s somewhat… bizarre, though.”
“What do you mean by that?” Sonia asked. I looked down, seeing Sonia and I would reach the bottom in seconds. “Forget it, I’ll let it be a surprise.” I heard her drop down. Slowly and carefully, I lowered myself down the last few feet. There was a short fall onto a smooth granite floor. I looked up, seeing what Phil and Sonia were so mesmerized by.
“Oh, wow,” I said, speechless. I blinked rapidly, wondering if the image would clear like a mirage. The tunnel was cut into a perfectly triangular shape, each side about seven feet long. The ceiling met in a point above our heads.
All along the smooth walls of gray rock, I saw thousands of black orbs peeking out. They looked similar to obsidian, but they were perfectly smooth and circular, each about the size of an orange. They were formed into interlocking diagonal patterns and followed the tunnel straight down as far as the eye could see.
“What is this place?” Sonia asked, taking a tentative step forward. I looked up, seeing the distant pinpoint of sunlight far above our heads. Our voices continued to echo off down the massive tunnels, disappearing in eerie waves into the thick curtain of shadows.
“Are you recording all this?” Phil asked me. I laughed, giddy.
“Of course! This is internet gold right here,” I said. “No one’s going to believe that this isn’t man-made, however. I can’t even believe it. Do you think Jack was playing a joke on us or something?”
“Jack had the sense of humor of a wet paper towel,” Phil whispered, shaking his head. “No, he wouldn’t do something like this.”
“Well, let’s go check it out,” Sonia said, taking a step forward. Her headlamp bobbed up and down rapidly, throwing dancing shadows through the triangular tunnel. It continued straight ahead, without the slightest deviation or curve, disappearing off into a dark point in the distance.
***
We walked as fast as we could, excited to see where, if anywhere, the strange tunnel led. Phil, always the conspiracy theorist, babbled excitedly.
“This has to be aliens, man,” he said, running his fingers through his dark hair. “I bet that scientists will find out this shit is millions of years old when we get back up and tell everyone. Maybe aliens came to earth in ancient times and made a bunch of stuff underground.” Gradually, as we walked, I noticed the tunnel opening up. The pointed triangular ceiling rose up higher above our heads and the walls moved outwards, as we were walking up a triangular funnel. At first, it was so subtle that I didn’t believe it when Sonia pointed it out.
“No, look,” she said, raising her hand above her head. “When we first started down this weird tunnel, my fingers were only maybe a foot away from the top. Now it’s a couple feet.” I was about to respond when our headlamps illuminated something standing in the middle of the tunnel.
“What the fuck is that?” I whispered, stopping cold in my tracks. Phil and Sonia looked up at the abomination at the same time. Its back was to us. It stood nearly as tall as the tunnel, which was now about twenty feet high.
The bottom half looked black and spidery with dozens of long, jointed legs. A bloody, white spine rose out of the mass of legs. Inhumanly long, skeletal arms stretched out in front of it. Its face was pointed away from us, but the back of its head resembled an enormous pointed skull with deep fissures like the cracks of an earthquake running through the bone. The abomination stayed as still as a statue, and for a long moment, I wondered if we were looking at some macabre work of art.
Then, suddenly, one of its insectile legs twitched. A moment later, the other legs started jerking and twisting. There was a sound like bones shattering as it rose up to its full height, turning around to face us.
Its face was like something from a nightmare, melting and reforming constantly like dripping candle wax. I would see a black eye appear on its forehead, then a grinning mouth on its chin, then the features would get sucked back into the folds of melting flesh. After a few moments, two enormous eyes appeared on its face, dark and cold like craters on the surface of the Moon. The mouths and noses disappeared back into the dripping skin, and only the two lidless eyes remained, emanating a cold, reptilian consciousness beyond the ability of my mind to comprehend. I felt terror radiating from its body like freezing waves.
“Free me,” it cried in a gurgling voice that seethed with insanity. It had a shrieking, metallic ringing behind every word that gave it an alien quality. “Free me, and I will give you the waters of eternal life. Within me, I contain the seeds of immortality. Within the nightmares, we live forever, always together, never alone.”
“Who are you?” I asked, terrified. The black reptilian skin of the enormous beast glistened as it knelt down, its massive face drawing near to mine. A sideways mouth burst out of the liquified flesh, showing hundreds of fangs growing like tumors from its white, bloodless gums. The fangs varied in size from only a couple inches to long, sword-like projections that stabbed into the creature’s flesh, causing white blood glittering with rainbows to fall like raindrops all around me.
“I have many names,” it hissed, its thousand voices rising and falling in crashing waves of sound. “I was present at the beginning, when this planet was no more than dead cliffs and endless freezing oceans. Those holy ones who search for us, the ancient ones, call me Niralahoth.”
“How do we free you?” Phil asked, looking terrified. He held Sonia’s hand tightly.
“By letting me into your mind and body,” Niralahoth cried, shaking the cavern. “I was thrown down here, cursed and forgotten. I cannot leave this place of shadows within this body. But in the body of another, my consciousness can be free, and the seeds of new life can spread beyond this prison.”
“There’s no way anyone’s going to do that,” I said, my eyes widening as Niralahoth’s reptilian skull turned towards me in fury. “I mean, you’re asking one of us to give up our individuality, our lives, right?”
“I am asking you to become one with me and gain power undreamt of by mortals,” it cried. “I have within me the fountain of life, the waters that send death away screaming.” I glanced anxiously at Phil and Sonia, wondering if we would have to run.
“The answer is no,” I said. “I’m sorry.”
“Yeah, we can’t do that,” Phil said, backing me up. “But, anyways, I think our trip has ended. It’s time to turn around…”
“You will never return,” Niralahoth cried, skittering away from us. “If you will not accept salvation, then you must accept death.” Within seconds, it slunk away from us, backpedaling on its many skittering legs into the shadows.
***
All around us, a rumbling started.
There was a pounding that crashed through the rock tunnel, as if an insane blacksmith were hammering on a massive anvil. The ringing of crashing rock started off slowly, with a few stones smashing down around us with heavy blasts of sound. Within seconds, the cacophony sped up, rising into a constant stream of destruction. The black orbs were spinning in place all up and down the tunnel, their glossy obsidian surfaces flashing with sparks of blue light.
“It’s collapsing!” Phil cried, running back in the direction we came, holding Sonia’s hand as she tried to keep up with him. I could only stare for a long moment, not sure what to do. It seemed that the direction Phil was heading stood closer to total collapse.
“Wait!” I cried, but my voice was drowned out in the destruction all around us. I felt a rock smash into my shoulder, sending me down to my feet. I heard Phil give a scream of pain, then another stone came down and smashed into my forehead. I remember seeing everything spinning around me as the world went black.
***
I awoke to find my headlamp still shining straight up in the dusty tunnel. Large chunks of the tunnel had slid out of place and crashed to the stone floor. The granite chunks that had fallen looked unnaturally smooth, most of them in the shapes of cylinders or cubes and varying in size from that of an egg to that of a small car.
My head throbbed. It felt as if a tight belt of fire were wrapped around my temples. Groaning, I put my fingers up to my forehead. They came away slick with blood.
Slowly, I started pushing myself up on my feet. I was relieved that nothing seemed broken. I had a deep gash running from the center of my scalp down to my left temple and some shallower cuts on my shoulders and back, but I knew none of that was life-threatening.
“Sonia?” I whispered, my voice coming out weak and strained. I reached into my pack and found a bottle of water. I chugged it quickly in one long swallow.
“Phil?” I cried again, this time stronger. I heard a soft weeping nearby. Staggering, I followed the sound.
Sonia was bloody and covered in cuts and scrapes, sitting next to Phil’s prone form. I saw Phil’s right arm pinned under a massive slab of granite. His arm disappeared from the elbow down in a spreading puddle of thick, dark blood.
“Oh God, Max, I think he’s hurt really bad,” she wept. Phil’s eyes rolled wildly in his head, his face pale and bloodless. I looked down the way we had come, seeing the entire tunnel blocked by large slabs of stone, many with strange, black orbs peeking out like the lenses of cameras.
***
I don’t know how much time passed. My phone died after a day, and then we were counting the endless darkness in breaths and tears.
Phil swam in and out of consciousness as his arm putrefied and blackened around the crush site. After a couple days, Sonia and I agreed that something had to be done. We told Phil we would need to amputate his arm. He was half-delirious, but he came back long enough to understand us and nod weakly.
We made a fire with Phil’s pack, trying to find fuel to throw in it to get it roaring. As it grew, I saw one of the black orbs near the flames abruptly ignite, as if it had been covered in gasoline. Blue, almost colorless flames rose from its surface. We started throwing the small black orbs on the fire until it rose high in the air. I sanitized the buck knife with the flames and pulled a rope tourniquet tight around Phil’s arm. He was conscious but seemingly insane, talking to himself more than anyone else.
“How are we going to get the car started without a key?” he gurgled to someone only he could see. “We need to look around. It has to be here somewhere.”
“Phil, can you hear me, bud? We need to fix your arm. We need to get you out of this mess. OK?” I said as comfortingly as I could. Phil’s eyes rolled wildly, but they didn’t meet my own. I sighed and looked over at Sonia.
“Let’s do it,” I said, giving a grim nod.
I pulled the buck knife out, slicing quickly down through the flesh next to the tourniquet. His veins throbbed like fat worms as the blackened, necrotic skin split easily under the blade, releasing a rancid-smelling gas that hissed out of the wound.
I couldn’t believe how hard it was to slice all the way through the arm. It felt like I was stuck in that hellish task forever. Phil’s eyes rolled in his head as his skin turned the color of clotted milk.
“God, Jesus, make it stop,” Phil whispered over and over, exhaling ragged, pain-filled breaths. The blood spurted from the blackened, dying tissue all over the dust-covered cavern floor, covering my hands in its warm, slick embrace.
After what was probably only three or four minutes, but felt like hours, I had sliced all the way down to the bone. The infected tissue of his arm spurted great gouts of orange pus mixed with rivulets of blood. The hard part was over.
Standing up, I took my steel-toe sneaker and stomped down on his arm as hard as I could. Phil cried out in a powerful voice, as if all the agony and suffering in the world was contained in that one shriek. The bone snapped under my weight with a sound like a tree branch cracking. A moment later, Phil rolled away from the rock that had pinned me in place for so long. Something alien and spongy was shoved into my face, a mass of destroyed red tissue pulsating in time with a runaway heartbeat. At first, shell-shocked and revolted, my mind couldn’t comprehend that I was looking at the stump of Phil’s mutilated arm. I hardened my heart and forced the giddiness and madness to the back of my mind. The time had come to cauterize the wound.
“Sonia, give it to me,” I said with a tremor in my voice. I reached out a hand towards her, a hand stained with Phil’s blood. It looked as if I were wearing a wet, crimson glove. Sonia only stared blankly at me for a long moment, however. A surge of anger ran up my chest.
“Sonia, toughen the fuck up! He’s going to die if you just sit there!” I swore at her, hearing my deep, angry voice bounce around the caverns. Sonia pulled back, as if she were struck. Inwardly, I cursed having a woman as my only able-bodied companion in this situation. She was a competent enough caver, but what would happen if violence and blood came over us? What would happen if, or more realistically when, we needed to fight?
Grimly, Sonia leaned forward and yanked the burning black orb out of the roaring fire, handing it to me on the end of a buck knife that had just barely pierced its hard, strange exterior. The handle of the knife felt coarse and splintery under my filthy skin. I put it to the spongy stump of Phil’s arm. The stump twitched violently. Phil tried to pull away as black smoke rose from the burning flesh.
There was a smell like bacon sizzling. The searing meat of Phil’s arm blackened and crisped under the heat of the orb, which had become no more than a cylinder of glowing blue embers by this point. I felt simultaneously sick and giddy. I didn’t know if I wanted to laugh or vomit. I felt like I was on the verge of some kind of madness, that the stress and insanity of the experience had started to shatter my mind.
His eyes rolled back in his head and he appeared to go into a seizure for a few seconds. With a long exhalation of breath, he finally, mercifully, lost consciousness. It’s hard to admit it, even this close to the end, but a small, sick piece of me was jealous of Phil. Most likely, he would be dead soon, maybe within hours, while Sonia and I would slowly starve and dehydrate like animals over a period of weeks. I looked at her lithe body and soft skin, seeing the feminine curves of her hips and chest. She was a beautiful woman. I knew Phil to be a lucky man. At least, before this trip, he was.
I watched her body, wondering if I had what it took to eat her or Phil if I had to. Did I have an iron heart that would allow me to slice into my friends and consume their raw, cold flesh? Perhaps, by that point, it would be hunger and madness driving me forward, and I wouldn’t even hesitate. I shuddered at the very thought.
***
I fell asleep that night, having strange dreams of massive gods with melting faces sitting in judgment in a circle around me. We had very little food or water left. No one knew we were down here. Rescue was not coming.
When I awoke, I found myself alone. Phil had died from his injuries while I slept, the black streaks of septic shock spreading up his arm towards his heart. His eyes stared sightlessly up at the rock ceiling.
“Sonia?” I called out, my heart racing as I sat up. “Where are you?” My headlamp was growing dim. I looked in my pack, realizing I was on the last of my batteries. I saw a silhouette walking out of the darkness, the thin, pale form of Sonia. She was trembling badly.
“I saw them,” she said. “Niralahoth and its priests. The priests aren’t human. They look reptilian with sideways mouths and too many eyes.” She shuddered.
“Why would you do that?” I asked. Her eyes grew distant.
“You know we’re not getting out of here alive,” she said. “Not on our own. I wanted to see what it offered. It says that if we take a piece of its nightmare into us, we will gain the power to leave this place, that it simply wants to see the surface and spread its nightmares there.” I shook my head.
“Insanity,” I muttered. “We’d be better off dead.” Sonia nodded.
“My thoughts exactly,” she responded grimly. I didn’t realize what she meant until the next day, when I woke up and found her hanging next to Phil’s body, her tongue swollen and blue as it poked out of her cyanotic lips. And then I was truly alone.
***
Soon after Sonia committed suicide, the last of the batteries for the headlamp died. I had run out of food and had only a small sip of water left. I don’t know how much time passed in the darkness, starving and raving, following the tunnel by running my hands over the walls. I heard many things skittering in the darkness, and a few times, I heard the demonic voice of Niralahoth as it split and distorted.
“You are on death’s door,” it hissed. “Will you not drink from the fountain of life?” I couldn’t tell where the voice came from in the maddening blackness. It seemed to come from everywhere and nowhere. I had lost nearly all of my sanity in that pit of shadows by this point. I tried laughing constantly to keep my spirits up, and when that failed, I simply cried.
“I’ll do it,” I wailed. “I’ll do it. Just let me see the sky again. Get me out of here, Niralahoth.” Everything went deathly silent all around me, then a laugh rang out like the grinding of glass.
In front of me, I saw a tornado of fire descending from the ceiling, surrounding the massive, spidery form of Niralahoth. It rose its skeletal arms upwards, as if it were Zeus calling down lightning. In the sudden brightness, I saw the fiery form of snakes slithering and centipedes skittering forwards in that tornado, each massive creature sculpted from flames in the spinning cyclone of energy. Niralahoth reached into the tornado of fire with its sharp points of fingers and plucked something small from it. The fire instantly dissipated. In its hand, I saw a tiny, swirling orb that looked like it contained a firestorm within it.
“The nightmare seed,” Niralahoth gurgled as it skittered forward towards me. I could only stare, open-mouthed and starving. I hadn’t slept for days, it felt like, and everything seemed slow and unreal.
In a blur, its skeletal arm shot out and forced the orb into my mouth. Despite the fire raging within it, it felt freezing cold. As it touched my tongue, it gave off a sensation like frostbite all throughout my mouth. I screamed and tried spitting it out, but it seemed to have a mind of its own. It started liquifying, dripping down my throat.
I felt something cancerous and sick spreading throughout my body, radiating out from my heart and stomach to every inch of it. I tried to scream, but it caught behind my teeth. I fell to my knees, clawing at my face as that insane, alien laugh continued resounding all down the tunnel. I fell unconscious and woke up under a beautiful sky in the fields of Graysole Farms.
***
Soon after, I realized that my life would never be the same. Everywhere I went, I could hear the wailing voice of Niralahoth. Behind the trees, I always saw skittering shadows, creatures with long, spidery legs that stalked me every day and night. I slept with every light in the house turned on, yet when I woke up, they would all be shut off, and I would find myself in darkness, next to something in the bed with far too many legs and a face that dripped like burning wax.
I sold everything I owned and tried to move far away, to give as much distance between myself and those cursed caverns as I could, but the nightmares followed me like a shadow. I realize what a fool I was in those ephemeral moments of madness. Sonia was much wiser than myself; I should have killed myself or died rather than allowing that thing inside of me.
Even now, I can feel it creeping through my heart, spreading through my blood. I feel it trying to crawl its way out of my throat, the thin, black legs peeking out at the back of my esophagus.
I only hope that, when I finally jump and feel my bones shatter against the concrete far below, I will kill whatever is inside of me. For I fear the consequences for the world if it were to escape.

What do I have to do for these people to fix my damn fridge in my apartment? It continues to not produce enough cold, the air circulation gets frozen over and they just press a button and tell us that it will fix the problem. It doesn't. Even when its not frozen over which its only happened recently, it still doesn't keep our stuff cold. Im just tempted to get a little mini fridge and be done with it. We wont be here for much longer because we pay over a thousand dollars in rent when they dont treat renters with respect. Im tired of having to throw my milk out before the week is out because my fridge can't keep it at temperature. This has happened ever since we moved in. Maintenance is really a joke where I live, they never come around when they say they will, and when they do they just glance over the issue and don't fully get it done. Can't tell you how many times I've emailed and called the office for this issue.

Hi everyone, I was wondering if anyone had advice or guidance for my situation.
My problem:
In high school and the beginning of college I was really into journalism and did summer internships at local newspapers in California and New York. I have a portfolio but most of it is from 2017-2021.
However, my interest in sophomore year of college really shifted from journalism to academia (you can see from my username, haha). I received a ton of grants for research in the Literature department, got a lot of fellowships, was accepted to various prestigious academic conferences, etc.
At the same time, I was still interested in journalism/documentary/TV news or working fully in comedy or scripted TV, so I did some work as a stand-up comedian and production assistant in college -- but not enough I feel.
I graduated in 2023 into the big Hollywood strike, so I took a fellowship in Europe to teach English.
This past year I worked in comedy production part-time, stand-up, and teaching full-time.
Now I am 24 and almost a year out of college. I realize that I am much more interested in a job in TV writing, journalism, or entertainment or production. My problem is I feel like my resume is simply inadequate for those jobs and I am almost a year out of college.
So I don't know what to do. If I want to get my Master's Degree or PhD in English/Literature I have a fantastic resume and feel confident in applying to any graduate program. The problem is that I want to work in TV writing, journalism, documentary, or reality TV -- more so than academia.
Pros/ things I am doing now pro-actively:
I'm 24 which is young, I know, but I also feel like I spent the last 4-5 years pursuing the wrong opportunities. My resume doesn't match up with the industries I want to work in, which are very competitive and lean toward people who racked up a ton of connections and internships in college.
Right now I am trying to think of people I could contact, and am also submitting some spec/freelance pieces to some magazines and news outlets so I can improve my portfolio. When I get back to the U.S there's also two mini-documentaries I plan to make so I have something to submit to TV news companies, documentary or reality production companies, etc. I also plan to take a highly-ranked class in screen-writing in LA and do more stand-up once I go back home (to Los Angeles) to make more connections.
I can also live at home in Los Angeles which is a huge help so I don't have to worry so much about rent and utilities. I am willing to work weird hours or not so great pay in the beginning in order to gain experience, etc.
I have a following of about 35,000 on Tik Tok from my comedy and personal life videos, but so far I do not know how to leverage that for a job in production or comedy or something related.
Cons/concerns:
I have 4-6 contacts in the field -- either people I worked under as a Production Assistant in college or met in passing who said they know people in the industry and could put me in touch with people. However, as I am reaching out to them, most are saying they cannot help at the moment.
I just feel really hopeless and like most of these companies or places -- whether it's a small production studio or a big company like CNN or HBO or Netflix -- do not hire from Indeed or LinkedIn, but from word of mouth. I have no connections or nepotism whatsoever from family or friends. I can contact people through my alumni network but it would not be anyone that I know personally. What would you do in my position?

Hi everyone, I was wondering if anyone had advice or guidance for my situation.
My problem:
In high school and the beginning of college I was really into journalism and did summer internships at local newspapers in California and New York. I have a portfolio but most of it is from 2017-2021.
However, my interest in sophomore year of college really shifted from journalism to academia. I received a ton of grants for research in the Literature department, got a lot of fellowships, was accepted to various prestigious academic conferences, etc.
At the same time, I was still interested in journalism/documentary/TV news or working fully in comedy or scripted TV, so I did some work as a stand-up comedian and production assistant in college -- but not enough I feel.
I graduated in 2023 into the big Hollywood strike, so I took a fellowship in Europe to teach English.
This past year I worked in comedy production part-time, stand-up, and teaching full-time.
Now I am 24 and almost a year out of college. I realize that I am much more interested in a job in TV writing, journalism, or entertainment or production. My problem is I feel like my resume is simply inadequate for those jobs and I am almost a year out of college.
So I don't know what to do. If I want to get my Master's Degree or PhD in English/Literature I have a fantastic resume and feel confident in applying to any graduate program. The problem is that I want to work in TV writing, journalism, documentary, or reality TV -- more so than academia.
Pros/ things I am doing now pro-actively:
I'm 24 which is young, I know, but I also feel like I spent the last 4-5 years pursuing the wrong opportunities. My resume doesn't match up with the industries I want to work in, which are very competitive and lean toward people who racked up a ton of connections and internships in college.
Right now I am trying to think of people I could contact, and am also submitting some spec/freelance pieces to some magazines and news outlets so I can improve my portfolio. When I get back to the U.S there's also two mini-documentaries I plan to make so I have something to submit to TV news companies, documentary or reality production companies, etc. I also plan to take a highly-ranked class in screen-writing in LA and do more stand-up once I go back home (to Los Angeles) to make more connections.
I can also live at home in Los Angeles which is a huge help so I don't have to worry so much about rent and utilities. I am willing to work weird hours or not so great pay in the beginning in order to gain experience, etc.
I have a following of about 35,000 on Tik Tok from my comedy and personal life videos, but so far I do not know how to leverage that for a job in production or comedy or something related.
Cons/concerns:
I have 4-6 contacts in the field -- either people I worked under as a Production Assistant in college or met in passing who said they know people in the industry and could put me in touch with people. However, as I am reaching out to them, most are saying they cannot help at the moment.
I just feel really hopeless and like most of these companies or places -- whether it's a small production studio or a big company like CNN or HBO or Netflix -- do not hire from Indeed or LinkedIn, but from word of mouth. I have no connections or nepotism whatsoever from family or friends. I can contact people through my alumni network but it would not be anyone that I know personally. What would you do in my position?

I am looking to get a bike for tours (up to day trips) in the area (Algarve, Portugal), mainly on smaller paved roads and good dirt roads. It is about exercise and enjoying the countryside. If it rains I stay home, mudguards do not apply.
I have been reading and it seems a gravel bike is what I am looking for - 35 or 38mm tyres are probably enough, and I want straight handlebars as my hands don't agree with the straight ones.
I also think I should go for a geometry/riding position more toward touring bike than road bike. Any clues how I evaluate that for a shortlist?
I have rented a Scott Speedster 40 EQ in XL(58), according to their site (they suggest a size depending on your measures) I should have had a XXL. A larger frame will tend to put the handlebars further up and forwards relative to the saddle, right? It doen't feel much off, but I think I would like the handlebars a few cm higher.
More generally, I will be looking for something up to about €1000, most likely carbon fork and subcompact groupset. I know Trek and (of course) Triban is available around here, probably more if I look. Is mail order worth considering?
About me: 57yo male, Danish so I have cycled for transport since forever; not much the last two decades though. Never been good at riding standing, so I need the low gears for the hills. At around 20 I had a half serious road bike and a summer job that made me do 45km/day. Have always been fixing my bikes myself.

Hi y'all, this is a new account because I was getting triggered by reddit and I needed to delete my old account. I used to be pretty active here. :)
I'm 37 and was diagnosed early 2023. I spent 4 months inpatient last year after receiving the diagnosis. I'm currently doing EMDR twice a month, using my coping skills, and focusing on getting better so I can return to work (I haven't worked in 18 months).
For background: my mother has NPD :( and my father is emotionally immature. My psych suspects he was undiagnosed BPD when I was growing up based on my description of his behavior. I have 2 siblings who have a ton of issues, but no one else in my family of origin has ever sought treatment, therapy, or any help for the abuse. I haven't spoken to any of them in ~15 months and don't plan to reestablish contact until after my mother dies.
My question: My mother has a half-sister (my aunt) whose about 15 years older than her. Unfortunately, my grandmother triangulated my mother and her half-sister until she died in 2007. I only realized this last year while in treatment. (My aunt's father died in WWII and then her husband died in a freak workplace accident in the late '70s. A lot of my mother's triangulation was about how my aunt is a deadbeat, but she hasn't had an easy life!) She has 3 children who are a decade older than me and my siblings, but all 6 of us grew up pretty close. My cousins were like my older siblings and I have lots of good memories of them. However, they can be volatile and they gossip a lot. There is a ton of triangulation on my mother's side and I don't totally trust them because of my mother's behavior. It's like we're on two different teams because there's so much mistrust between these families, but we all grew up together! :(
My aunt is now in her mid-80s and I feel like it may be time to reach out to her before she passes. I didn't have any truly "safe" adults growing up, but my aunt and my grandfather (he passed already) were the closest ones to safety. (I had a family friend who I considered safe, but she died a few years ago from cancer. I wish I could go back in time and tell her how much I appreciated the little safety she gave me as a child!)
That brings me to my question: I'm considering reaching out to my safest cousin and asking her to put me in touch with my aunt. I'm very confused, though, about if this is a good idea. When my grandfather died in 2015, my mother and my aunt had a big fight at his funeral about money, inheritance, who gets his house, etc. Of course, my mother triangulated me and my siblings, and said this fight was all my aunts' fault because she's a deadbeat, etc. I have no idea if anything my mother said is true... I really don't trust my mother. She lies a lot. I do trust my intuition, which tells me that my aunt wasn't totally to blame, but is somewhat to blame for this argument. No one from my family of origin has spoken to my aunt or cousins since then, although I think my older sibling is connected with them on social media. I don't have social media.
Sorry, this is so long... in 2021, my parents and I went to a funeral of a distant cousin who passed from COVID. At the wake, one of my cousins (who is my aunt's age) was asking me about my grandfather's house, which was the source of the argument at his funeral. I said something casual about how my mother rents it out and it's in good shape. I thought it was just a casual conversation, but according to my mother and my older sister, this cousin was most likely fishing for information for my aunt... I have no idea who or what to believe. This comment about him fishing for information really upset me. :( I'm the second youngest of like 50 cousins and I don't really trust these people!
I want to talk to my aunt before she dies, but I'm scared that it will somehow get back to my mother and/or my siblings, and they will do something... I don't even know what they would do! They've only showed up to my house once since I cut contact, so I think this is one of my child parts being scared/hyper-vigilant.
I have EMDR on Friday and plan to use some of the time to discuss it with my therapist, but I was hoping someone else from this community would have experience with a similar situation... I just need advice from my peers and the handful of friends I have with CPTSD are youngehaven't been through as many family deaths as I have .... I went to a funeral every year growing up. I don't want to look back and regret not seeing my aunt before she passes. I don't totally trust her, but I do miss her and love her!
I HATE THIS DIAGNOSIS... I WISH MY FAMILY WAS "NORMAL"! ;-)
Thank you to anyone who read this far. Have a great day and stay safe! <3

I initially thought sliema will be fine, but I am not sure if the beaches nearby are ideal. We are aiming for a beach vacation, but we also dont want for the place we’re at to be quiet at night with not much bars and restaurants nearby. We also are not renting a car.
For example some beaches like Paradise Bay and overall sandy ones with turquoise waters caught our eye and it doesnt look like its easy to get to those from Sliema, or is it?
And is there anyone who has been for 4-5 says and has any idea how much we’d spend per person there per day on food and drinks, restaurants, bars.
Thank you

I 29F live with my mom, older brother by 6 yrs and 95yr old grandma. I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety from about 20yrs old and have probably been living with it since I was a child but didn't know what it was. Since I was a child I have had a lot of responsibility placed on me as the "gifted kid" that would "save and protect" the family and hold it together. Now, I wasn't aware I was being put into that role until I got to live and work abroad and had some time to reflect and also talk to peers to realise that most people don't live their childhood, teens and twenties supporting their family of adults - especially not as the youngest member of the household.
That job abroad felt like it was the first time doing something for myself and by myself but quickly became supporting the family financially and at every beck and call from abroad. My mom would vent to me about whatever is daunting on her emotionally, stressing her financially etc and being so used to it - I always made it become my problem to fix it. This lead to a problem where, I have no savings, no property that isn't tied to/shared with someone else, and I am constantly mentally drained and emotionally exhausted till I just don't have the mental capacity to work on my own goals and aspirations. Further stressing me out is I actually have a lot of big goals and aspirations and expectations I set to myself. Being so far behind, esp when it seems like its mostly not my fault (apart from my enabling it etc) doesn't do wonders for my mental health.
The usual pattern in my life is as soon as the slightest good thing happens, or even just a shift in my mental health (say motivation comes from somewhere and I really start to put plans into action) - something much worse happens that forces me back into my abyss. Except, it gets deeper and deeper every time. I'll spare you several examples.
So upon my realisation that I was probably "parentified", that my mom is far too reliant on me as a second breadwinner and that I am functionally her husband - I wrote her a letter saying I was pulling the plug on all that, that they all needed to learn how to live without relying on me because I don't even want kids and don't see why I am supporting adults when I don't even live there at the moment. I was going to express that they are fundamentally holding me back and that it has to and would stop.
Unfortunately, before I could finish that letter, mom calls to say she was diagnosed with cancer. Now this too would be somehow my issue to fix cause my brother though working always made less than me and he was extremely unwilling to take care of mom. Even to just take her to doctors appointments he couldn't be bothered to do, preferring to just work instead. While I was abroad I had to ask my friends and mom had to ask her friends for that kind of support and I eventually hired a caregiver that I sent money back home (in addition to my usual financial aid). Eventually it would come to pass that mom would need chemo and the possibility she may not survive. I was afraid to come home lest all the burden of this naturally high stress situation fell on me - but at the same time what if she doesn't make it and I never saw her again?
I couldn't afford a roundtrip airfare and the arrangement with my job was if I terminated at the end of my contract without renewing I could go home at my employer's expense. I decided to quit and come home after a less than hopeful conversation with my mom's oncologist. This meant financially we'd be reliant on mom's regular burdened by debt income, her insurance and my brother's income (this never happened btw) to get by since I am now jobless.
What I feared happening happened exactly AND more! Not only did the caregiver I hired eventually walk off the job which made me mom's primary caregiver, her nurse, her chauffer, personal assistant and courier. I also became the housekeeper, the shot caller, the household manager, the cook, the plumber... you get the idea. On top of that, my brother would be a regular thorn in the side because he would throw tantrums when I needed the car to do things for mom (mom and I own the car but mom started to let him drive it while I was away since he recently got his license). He was highly uncooperative with handling his own personal responsibilities (eg taking care of his cats), as well as anything where I would need extra help with mom. My grandma also would complicate things ( she has always been a narcistic bitch and no one in the family likes her but mom insists she has to stay cause mom is a pushover - you see who I get it from yes. Grandma would actively compete with my mom for pity points, faking sickness, deliberately making herself sick, exerting herself unnecessarily to then feign weakness and guilt trip me - all because she wanted the same attention that I gave the cancer patient.
Mom too, would put me under emotional duress cause in all this she also wanted me to do everything and be happy about it even if I had to pretend. She would start to make demands, oddly specific meal requests of someone who does not cook at all, demand having access to me at all times of day, and if I were to take free time out of the house by myself, she would insist I need to do something for the house or for her while I was out esp if I was going to use her car (the car we both own, that when we bought she told me it was mine and the car that is officially willed to me - yes that one). We also had several arguments where I learned she always thought that cause I was the "smart one" she expected that I could be fully left to my devices and I'd turn out fine and she could rely on me to take care of my deadbeat, driven-less, lazy, lonely, woman-blaming incel and approaching sexually deviant brother after she eventually passes. Cause she is confident that he may never learn to fully adult. And she is likely right by her own fault was she coddles him and shields him from every form of consequence of his action or inaction and is very hesitant about any kind of tough love for him but when it comes to me - even with the slightest of things/benefits she will quickly withhold because "I am inherently more privileged" than he is.
In all of this, my friends when I reach out for support never want to show up. They don't want to deal with any of my problems. No one wants to let me stay even for a week to get a break from my household. Most of them anyway I can't even trust cause they see me as their scapegoat for female touch and affection and since I am no longer willing to pity their loneliness they have gone extremely cold and some try to skirt around touching me inappropriately when they're around me.
Now, I also live in a poor country where pay is always shit. I still only have a bachelors in something that pays extra shit at entry level esp in my country. Peers in my country have very different interests than me usually which is how I am still with the same circle of misfits I have from high school as friends. There's not really anything to do at home that interests me - career wise or entertainment wise. Which is why getting out was such a high priority. But as you can see that's always been and continues to be put on the back burner.
Now that mom is doing much better, its back to looking at exiting cause I will not ever feel better if I stay in this house or even in that country. And my family can thank themselves for finally pushing me to the point where I really don't care what happens to them once I am confidently gone.
So I have shit family, shit friends, no job, my family is actively trying to strip me of any kind of power or leverage with what I do own, changing the conversation as necessary if it means I stay trapped. All because I unfortunately expressed that I want out and that I am not of the opinion that family is everything or blood is thicker than water. Once I get a job, it probably won't pay well enough to rent and apparently the car I part own isn't really mine while I live in my mom's house (which is also legally, partially mine) by her logic. Public transit is very expensive, so if I rent without a car that's even more money I'd have to make. I'd also have to accept the risks that come with public transit in a murder-loving country esp a murder-against-women-loving country vs just brute forcing the mental trauma of staying at that pitiful excuse of a home.
This was a lot longer than planned and if you read all of that, thank you. Sincerely. If you have any tips on how to cope in a high stress, high pressure environment besides hobbies, meditation and exercise - enlighten me. If you skipped to the end, I am not doing a TLDR. I will just wish you blessings and I hope that your life is on a better trend than mine ever was.

So. Long story short for context. Ex and I split 2+ years ago by her doing. We have a 7 year old son. Recently moved back in together with MY parents who built a triplex for ALL of us so we don't have to split time with our son. It's also close enough to the school to walk. We really needed her rent money too, ngl. She also works for my aunt and uncle as a manager(I'm stuck with her). I had already dated a girl for almost a year in 2023 and never introduced my son to the girl or her daughter that was the same age BECAUSE my ex and I agreed to NOT introduce our son to people we are dating for a minimum of 6 months to a year. Also had to be sure it was going to last AND it's just wrong to use your kid as a dating tool. So what does she do? 3 weeks into dating some guy this month, takes my son on a date with her to meet the guys kid. Does she tell me this? "We are going to a park". I thought nothing of it. Not until my mother confronted her about it and was told to come tell me as hiding it will make it worse. Obviously I was upset when she did tell me. She didn't remember making any agreement with me(how convenient). Regardless isnt it just common sense to not use your child as a dating tool for their mental well being? She also never apologized and brushed it off like nothing happened... am I the asshole for being upset about this? Is it too much to ask for updates on location when she takes my son out "to the park" because I can't trust her anymore?

he’ll spend the other half of the day at his clinical aba center which we love and he’s making a lot of progress in! i’ll likely have to be the transportation but they are at least asking to see if it’s possible to commute him to the center. we will slowly cut off half days to work towards a full school day week as he progresses.
he’ll have to have an aid, i got no pushback from the school system surprisingly but a little bit of push back from the particular school. they said they usually don’t have one on ones in their setting but the system said that now they will for my son. i still have to wait on the final approval. he needs the aid primarily for access to content, self care, and to have sensory breaks as needed. he’ll need to be watched at recess & lunch due to his sensory distraction, he doesn’t mean to put himself in danger but without someone watching he may elope.
the school and school system had other plans but i truly feel in my heart that the only way he’s going to learn to function in group settings is by exposing him.
they are working on a special education hybrid model for kids with similar testing results as my son, low social scores but promising or above average academics, however, when they explained it they didn’t know how they were going to include the students yet, it’s a recently proposed program and i am worried he wouldn’t have all the academic access he’s capable of.
my initial reasoning for this is because of logistics. in my county they fit the special ed programs in regional locations and they are usually the areas with less crowded schools. the issue i have is that i specifically rent to have access to a school we love and trust and i’d like both my sons at the same school, it’s across the street! if i’m ever needed i can be there in less than 5 minutes.
i am so happy they are willing to try my plan as he’s been in the most restrictive pre k. we are all a bit nervous but i think the 1/2 day compromise makes it seem much for doable for the district. i am willing to sign a maturity waiver to redo kindergarten if he doesn’t work towards a full week and misses too much or doesn’t seem ready to transition to first by the end of the year.
he is good with other kids but more interested in playing his way. he has a lot of empathy too which i hope will help him act appropriately but there’s no way to know exactly how it’ll go with 25 other kindergartners and expectations to participate on demand. they do roam with him in his early learners pre-k and he does well most days but there’s been rough transition days too.
anyone have any experience with this kind of inclusion in a general setting with an aid?
his school is top rated in our county and i do trust them i just don’t want him to be pushed out due to challenges and hoping we can make it work with support.

I’ve known him for almost 2 years now due to us living together. (I live in my mums house and he rents out the spare room) my mum only comes back twice a month to visit.
At first I thought it was too good to be true, the way he was treating me was amazing. So slow and respectful with things, paying for dates, bringing me gifts, telling me he loves me, and booking a holiday for my birthday.
I had a really bad gut feeling though that he wasn’t over his ex/ it was all too good to be true maybe he was cheating on for me for e.g (not sure why, maybe because he was still following his ex and her mum on Instagram).
Since then my mum says she has noticed a change in his behaviour, that he is not as considerate as he was e.g leaving bits like a ladder and mattress in the hallway and not opening windows and wiping surfaces dry like she asks. She also said that she doesn’t like the way he talks to me.
He makes jokes about my fake hair, about me not working hard in the day and makes jokes about what I do in the day. Also that I wouldn’t understand how expensive things are - like an MOT since I don’t have a car. He says his brother thinks he shouldn’t have to pay rent here anymore and then shortly after kept on saying how he needed help financially. He also makes mean comments about my dog saying his tail is stupid etc. He doesn’t like it when I go to resturants or places with my dad that we were meant to go to together either and makes me feel guilty for it. He says he loves me constantly and I am forced to say it back all the time otherwise he gets upset. He was jealous about my co worker, and doesn’t seem happy for me if I am going to a nice spa day with my mum or have treated myself to a new pair of sunglasses. “And you need another pair of sunglasses?”. He also told me he wouldn’t like it if I made more money than him and that he doesn’t like that I have gifts from my ex
The things that bug me the most at the minute is when he tells me to smile and constantly makes comments on my mood “you seem sad/grumpy.” “Can I see some happiness.” It makes me question if I am sad and grumpy, even when I didn’t think I was. He also doesn’t want s** as much as I do and makes me wait for it which is fine but it makes me feel unattractive to him. When he gets back from work now it also seems like he just wants to spend some time alone laying in bed.
I also worry if he just wants to use me to get on the property ladder since he makes comments about how my mum and dad will definitely help me out with a deposit and that he wants to beat his brother. Yet his parents cannot.
But besides all of this, he is a loving boyfriend I do believe, he texts me all day whilst at work, does compliment me, takes me on dates and trips and I still get the occasional gift, we laugh and he mainly cooks. He is also still paying the rent, drives us, pays for our groceries and dates. He says we need to save next year though for a house meaning less holidays and dinners next year
I have told him I am unable to help as much as I’d like due to currently going through redundancy. I do pay for some of the trips we have planned, do all the house work, gift him and sometimes pay for cafe dates.
Please tell me if I am overreacting? Your thoughts? Maybe it’s all a little intense right now due to us immediately living together and myself being made redundant, my grandad passing and having glandular fever. But this is my first proper relationship and I’m unsure if it’s right.

Act 1 Scene 1
Int. Edd's Apartment Room - Bedroom - Morning
Edd (In sleep bed) SNORE, SNORE, SNORE- (EDD’S face is sprayed with Cola) I SUREDDER! (Looks around room) Oh.
(Cut to) Edd Int. Edd's Apartment room - Closet - Morning (Edd Choses which Hoodie to wear) [Hoodies references to different Hoodie designs] (Picks his Modern Hoodie design)
(Cut to) Int. Edd's Apartment Room - Bathroom Edd (Grabs toothbrush) (Zooms in to show that's it’s Cola flavored) (Brushes teeth) (Grabs cup of Cola) (Gurgles it) (Spits it out) (Makes a big wide smile showing his horrible teeth)
(Cut to) Edd Int. Edd's Apartment Room - Kitchen - Morning (Edd takes bacon in a Oven) (Puts it on a plate) (Edd sits at his table) (Holds up fork and spoon and licks his lips before shoving the entire plate into his mouth) NOM, NOM, NOM MM! The plate is always the best part! Act 1 Scene 2
(Transition to) Int. Edd's Apartment Room - Living Room - Morning Edd (Sits on couch) Ah.. it is a good day to watch Return of the Insane Zombeh Pirates from Hell 4! SLAM (The door goes as MATT and TOM come in)
Matt (Overlapping Tom) BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH I FOUND THIS GUY AND HE SOLD ME CRACK SO I GAVE IT TO A TWO YEAR OLD THEN IT STARTED TO-
Tom (Overlapping Matt) BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH I PULLED AND PULLED BUT IT WOULDN'T COME OUT, SO I GOT A PLANT AND STARTED SAYING NEVER GONNA GIVE-
Edd SHUT UP! (Matt and Tom look at each other) What is it…
Matt He broke mirror #1028!
Tom Nuh Uh!
Edd (Sigh) Tom, did you break the mirror?
Tom No!
Matt Liar, Liar, Dance on Pliers!
Tom (re: notice) Uh, Edd I found this by your door. (Hands to Edd)
Edd (Grabs) Blah, Blah, Blah. Your landlord will require possession of your apartment in 16 days, if rent is not paid! Oh no, I can't afford to paid rent!
Tom Don't worry- well actually do worry bc we all got it.
Matt Can't we mooch off of that crackhead down the street again?
Tom I’ve run out of crack to give to him, and I don't got enough to buy any either.
Edd Can't we get a job?
Tom Don’t you remember what happened last time we got a job!
Edd Oh yeah, we got fired for “immaturity, and irresponsible” or whatever bogus they said.
Matt We’re perfectly mature! They have to have a screw loose!
Tom One time I agree with you Matt. Right Edd… Edd?
Edd (Face plants onto couch) It’s hopeless…
Tom Come on Edd, things could be better!
Edd Do you mean worse?
Tom No, I meant better.
Matt Yeah, you could be friends with a stupid, narcissist and an unsupportive, alcoholic.
Edd (Annoyed, or disappointed face) Well… I guess- TOM WHAT ARE YOU DOING!
Tom (Standing on a chair with a hanging rope hanging from the ceiling fan) Who’s going second bc I'm going first.
Edd Tom, we promised to commit suicide when we get kids!
Tom Oh yeah.
Edd Tom, do you remember that safe in our old house?
Tom Yeah, the one that we left behind when it got destroyed?
Edd Yeah, that one. I was thinking we could go back and break into it. There’s bound to be some cash left in there.
Matt But what if the cops catch us?
Tom Relax, Matt. We’ll make sure no one sees us.
Edd We’ll go at night and make sure to cover our tracks.
Edd But we have no mask- (Tom, Matt are suddenly in Goofy Villain outfit) Edd Where did you even get those
Matt Dumpster!
Edd There's no way I'm wearing one of those! Act 1 Scene 3
(Cuts To) Ext. Old House - Backyard
The three friends stand in the backyard, wearing their goofy villain outfits, as Edd adjusts his costume with annoyance.
Edd (Cont'D) "This is ridiculous. I can't believe you two made me wear this."
Matt (Excitedly) "You look great! We're like the Three Stooges of crime!"
Tom (Grinning) "Yeah, but instead of just being fools, we're gonna be rich fools!”
Edd Matt did you cover our tracks?
Matt Yeah, look. (Shows an path of purple path leading right up to their location)
Tom Matt you know when I said I hated you?
Matt Yeah?
Tom I DIDN'T LIE!
Matt Aw...
Edd "Alright, let's just get this over with. We break into the safe, grab the cash, and get out. Simple enough."
Tom (Cocky) "Piece of cake, guys. We're professional criminals now."
Matt (Excitedly) "We're going to be rich!"
(The friends approach the safe and begin trying to open it.)
Edd Uh, does anyone remember the code?
Tom Not me!
Edd Matt?
(Camera pans to Matt admiring a picture of himself)
Matt I thought I lost you forever baby (Matt says as kissing it)
Edd
Tom(drunk) My idea is to blow up an orphanage!
Edd How do you get drunk off of Smirnoff in 4 seconds!?
Tom(drunk) Idk ask the unicorn in the sky!
Edd (Sigh) I'm going home.
As Edd turns to leave, Tom comes to his senses.
Tom "Guys, hang on. What if we try a brute force attack? Like, really give it a good ol' college try?"
Edd (Sarcastically) “Oh yes, because that's so much better than blowing up an orphanage.”
Tom (Ignoring the comment) “Just hear me out. We all know that safes have a maximum number of combination attempts before they lock us out. So, what if we just brute force it?”Edd But what brute force would... (Edd's eyes spark up with an idea, and a devious smile form's on his face)
Tom So... what's the idea?
Edd (Raises his eyebrows)
Tom I don't speak eyebrows?
Matt (Raises eyebrows)
Tom What!?
Edd (Overlapping Matt) THROW TOM!
Matt (Overlapping Edd) THROW TOM!
Tom Did I ever tell yall I HATE ALL OF YOU!As Matt and Edd start shoving Tom towards the safe, he starts resisting and shouting obscenities at them.
Tom (Yelling) "What the hell is wrong with you guys?! I'm not a goddamn battering ram!"
Matt (Laughing) "Oh come on, it'll be fine! What's the worst that could happen?"
Edd (Shoving Tom) "Just go with it, Tom. You'll thank us later."
Tom (Reluctantly) "Fine, but if I break anything, I'm suing you two.”(Edd and Matt lift Tom over their head and chuck him head first into the safe making a extremely loud smash)
Edd See Tom, that wasn't so bad!
Tom I think broke one of my hair bones
Matt Is it open?
Edd Nope. It's dented tho!Edd Still dented.
Matt Again-
(The gang hear police sirens)
Matt OH NO I'M TOO PRETTY TO GO TO JAIL!
(The police pull up and get out of the cop car with gun)
Cop 1 PUT YOUR HANDS UP!
(The entire gang puts their hands up with a ton of Matt's pictures falling out of his clothes)
(The police officers look confused as they witness the sight in front of them.*)
Officer 1 (Perplexed) “What the hell happened here?”
Matt (Innocently) “We were just trying to break into a safe. No big deal.” Act 1 Scene 4 Int. Cop Car - Midnight
Tom (Drowsy) “Why do my eyelids feel like heavy rocks…?”
Matt (Looking confused) “Hey, does anyone else smell pickles?”
Edd (Snickering) I knew I shouldn't have put on pickle deodorant!
Cop 1 (Driving) “Quiet, back there!”
Edd (Mumbling) Sorry Angry Mcgee!
Matt (Whisper) Pss, Edd!
Edd What?
Matt Get this! (Quickly throws a picture to Edd with his mouth)
Edd What is- Holy S**t I thought I lost this forever!
Camera pans down to show Edd, Matt, and Tom when they first moved in, including a old friend named Tord)*As the camera pans down to the picture, we see a glimpse of a time long ago. Three friends – Edd, Matt, and Tom – are laughing and smiling, with a fourth boy, Tord, standing beside them. They're holding balloons and standing in front of a house they recently moved into. Act 1 Scene 5
(Transition to) Jail - Cell - Midnight
Edd TOM! I'M DYING HELP ME!
Edd is dramatically lying on his back, holding an empty Cola can, pretending to have a heart attack. Meanwhile, Tom is sitting on a bunk bed and rolls his eyes.
Tom (Sarcastically) “Oh, yes, because your Cola addiction is definitely the biggest concern here. Not us being thrown in jail overnight.”
Edd OH WOE IS ME!
Edd writhes around on the bed in despair, while Tom just sits there, clearly agitated by Edd's melodrama.
Tom "Edd, you've been going on about your cola running out for hours now. Can you give it a rest, please?"
Edd (Frantically) "You don't understand, Tom! My cola was my life! How am I supposed to survive here without it?"
Tom (Tired) "Perhaps you should try sleeping or something?”Matt Uh, guys why is there a dude in helicopter trying to shoot us with a bazooka?
Edd (Sarcastically) Well thats just great.
(The group is flung back as the cell window is blasted open)
The man with the bazooka comes through the smoke.
Paul Hello, uh sorry I don't know your names. The Red Leader only refers people as code names.
Tom The Red who?
Matt My name is the beautiful Matt-
Edd covers Matt's mouth
Edd Don't tell him your name idiot!
Paul My name is Paul.
Camera Pans to Matt
Matt Why are your eyebrows 20 feet tall?
Camera Pans back to Paul
Paul They aren't even that big are you blind!?
Camera Pans back to Matt
Matt suddenly wearing blind glasses
Matt Yes
Patryk Hi my name is Patryk-
Paul PATRYK YOUR FLYING THE HELICOPTER!
Patryk Oh.
We hear a Helicopter explosion from outside. Paul and Patryk look down from the exposed cell wall, showing the burning half-destroyed Helicopter.
Patryk Don't worry I'll fix those scratches!
Paul Whatever.
Edd So, are you here to save us?
Paul Nah, we're gonna capture you!
Edd Aw, Bugger
Paul pulls out a "Super cool taser gun" as the label on the taser gun says.
Tom Lame.
(Tom is shocked and knocked out by the taser gun)
(The group watches in shock as Tom goes down from the taser-gun.)
Matt (Panicking) "Oh no, Tom! Edd, do something!!"
Edd (In shock) "What can I do? There's two nut jobs with a taser gun and an assault rifle who are trying to capture us!"
Paul (Casually) "Don't worry, if you don't resist, you'll be safe. The Red Leader just wants you guys for a special project.”
Edd Whatever.
Edd blacks out
(Cut to) Helicopter - Backseat - Morning
Edd wakes up
Edd (Distraught) Ow my head hurts!
Tom (Confused) What happened?
Edd (Deep Voice) Hey Babe.
Tom (Angry) Wtf Edd!
Matt is making muffled sounds because of a mask on his face that says "Beware ugly fish monster behind mask." Edd takes the mask off of Matt.
Edd (Disturbed) EW, the mask was right!
Matt (Angry) Hey!
Paul So you finally woke up!
Matt Uh, yeah
Edd This reminds me of when I flew a Helicopter when I was in the Uk Army!
Paul (Confused) You were in the army!?
Matt We all were can't you tell just by looking at us!
Camera pans to show all of the three boys looking exaggeratedly more stupid than usual.
Paul No.
The three friends look at each other in annoyance, feeling belittled by Paul's remark. Tom speaks up.
Tom (Sarcastically) "Oh wow, thanks for the compliment. Nice to know we look like a bunch of army rejects."
Matt (Defensively) "Excuse me, we are actually highly trained and intelligent individuals... in our own special way.”
Tom (Sarcastically) At least two of us are!
Tom and Edd high-five. Matt not realizing that they are inferring that he's the stupid one, keeps a smile on his face
Edd (Amused) Wait didn't your Helicopter crash like a few hours ago?
Patryk (Proudly) This is my 857th Helicopter!
Edd's Amused face goes to worried.
Edd (Unsettled) “Oh boy, this is going to be one bumpy ride…”
Edd At least we're away from the HELI-COP-TER
Everyone looks at Edd because of the horrible pun.
Tom So, where are we going?
Paul To the "SUPER EVIL EDGY VILLAINOUS BASE!"
The camera zooms out of the Helicopter to show that the place is actually called "SUPER EVIL EDGY VILLAINOUS BASE!"
Edd Well that's just silly.

Family vacation home advice
My parents (30M) have a vacation home on and island that they stay in as long as the ferries are running - usually March through December every year. In addition, they have 2 other homes on one shared property that were in my father's family for years. They now rent out one of those homes, and the other home is open to family members only (free for us to use at any time). So we are not going up there and SHARING a home with my parents, we have a place all to ourselves. I personally grew up going there for summer vacations, so I know a lot of the locals and regular seasonal people there. My family and I have a strong connection there.
My wife does not have any interest in the island. We have the option to go there for free whenever we want, but I know she hates spending that much time that close to my parents at a time. But the island is perfect for our kids (both under two) and will continue to be fun for the foreseeable future. There's beaches, golf carts, bike rides, fishing, nature trails, etc. Not to mention the lake!
There's two points to be made here: I love the island but I can tell if we go on a Friday morning, my wife is ready to go home by dinner Saturday. She is going along with it just to appease me. She will have no interest in ever doing a week long trip up there (like a week at a time), and has expressed 0 interest in ever inheriting these homes in the future. I feel like my joy of the island is being robbed by her having no interest in being there, and any future opportunity of having a vacation home there (which would absolutely double as a real estate investment) is dead.
How do I approach my feelings with my wife? Make her enjoy it more? Or do I just accept that a major part of my life that I grew up with is now just dead. Every other cousin/aunt and uncle, anyone who has married into the family has grown to love it up there so I am just unsure how to approach it with her.
TLDR: wife hates family vacation home, only sees downsides of it, and has no interest in inheriting it in the future. I love it and want our kids to experience it. What to do?

I enjoy taking environmental portraits and i have the Samyang 12mm (on an a6400), but its a bit too wide and i dont really get any bokeh unless I'm suuuper close to the subject. For a moment there i considered jumping to full frame purely for the option of having faster wide angle lenses but obviously this would be a huge investment and difficult to justify for my amateuvacation/friends & family photography. Plus i am very happy with the aps-c form factor.
I now had the Sigma 16mm 1.4 for a month for rent, just to try it out, and the pictures are very much the direction i want. However i found the autofocus to be disappointing and the lens is a bit large and heavy.
The next logical step then would be the Sony 15mm 1.4, but obviously its a bit more expensive so i would like to understand:
1) Is my negative experience with the auto focus on the sigma (it often missed faces and focussed on something in the background instead, and didnt feel very reactive overall) likely to be better on the sony? Or is this more to do with the a6400 and the lens won't really make a difference? (I haven't noticed it negatively before but i also recognize that this is subjective and that i don't really know how this stuff works)
2) The bokeh on the sigma is supposedly "nicer" (due to the 9 rounded aperture blades on the sigma instead of 7 non-rounded ones on the sony) but would it objectively also be "more" on the sigma? Specifically: if the subject in the frame has the same size (meaning one would have to be slightly closer on the sony due to the wider angle) would there be a noticable difference in the amount of bokeh?
Final note: my question is not "is it worth almost double the price" (i feel like i am saving a lot of money by not changing to full frame on a whim...) but rather "is it the better lens for what I'm after".
Any insights appreciated!

i love my mom for the simple fact that she raised me and she’s all i know. When i really think about it, it doesn’t get much deeper than that. i love her because it’s the default. if i could start over and trade her for someone else i would in an instant. i feel more motherly love from my female teachers. i’ve never felt so safe and heard the way i do with them. i feel like im being healed around them. they give me genuine advice while all my mom says is “what do you want me to do” “idk what to do” when im sad and i tell my teachers about it, i feel like they genuinely care about ME. my mom only feels bad because it makes her feel like a bad mom. she doesn’t want me to be sad because it’ll make her feel guilty. it’ll REMIND her that she has done and is doing a bad job. she always says “i should have just given y’all up for adoption so y’all could have a better life” and she’s right but i never say that. i would have never chosen her if i had a choice. it’s really sad because i love her. but she clearly doesn’t love me enough to change. we’re poor and she refuses to leave her comfy job as a caretaker where she can sit around on a couch all day getting 13 dollars an hour, when rent and car payment takes most of that check. any time i try to give her suggestions on how we can better our life, she just says “it’s not that easy” and that’s her problem. she doesn’t wanna do anything if it’s not easy. not even for me. i just wanna cry on my knees and beg her to change. she’d probably promise to and then forget about it a few days later once the guilt wears off.

Hello! I have been comparing the energy provider with the comparison tools these past days and I decided to go to Engie Easy Fixed with an additional boiler maintenance contract.
From the initial process until I signed the contract there is no mentioning whatsoever that the contract will be a 3 years contract. I thought it will be a 1 year contract the same as Total Energy Pixel products.
A few minutes later, I received an email saying I will be subscribing to Engie with 3 years contract. I am shocked.
The thing is, is not that I do not want a 3 year contract but more of I still do not know whether I will still be here next year.
I am 28 years old, male, from Singapore. This is my first time renting my own apartment, 60 sqm, PEB F, living alone. Before, I lived in a shared apartment where everything was taken care of.
My question is, can I still change the duration of the contract, how much fine do I need to pay if I terminate my contract after 1 year (2 years earlier), and where actually I can find the 1 year contract for Engie?
Thank you very much

TL:DR- I am afraid my partner of 8 years is somewhat either manipulating me, or gaslighting me, or purposely trying to make me feel small.
So, my partner and I have been together for 8 years. And I know what everyone is going to think, why did it take you so long to see these things. Idk..I was 18 when got together so. Young and naive I guess. And for context, I lost my mom back in 2023. My partner was there every step of the way, we slept in chairs in my mom's ICU room and barely ate for 4 days. She suffered through all of that with me. She was so supportive and loving and amazing, until she wasn't. The support and love pretty much halted 2 months after my mom passed. But lately..it's gotten a lot worse. She hasn't been working so she has been handling more stuff in the house than she usually did. She never ceases to remind me though of what she's doing. Up until now, she's always made more financially also. She has mentioned several times how "just because you make less doesn't mean she should have to handle more of the bills"...which she doesn't pay for any of my bills. I handle all of my stuff, my car insurance, phone bill, health insurance, gas money, I help with groceries weekly. In terms of house bills, I pay for our electric bill and she handles our internet and streaming services. And of course half and half on rent. But telling me that I should be able to handle more of the grocery bill isn't sitting right with me. I don't know if she's mad that when she goes grocery shopping, she gets more of the name brand stuff, while I usually get the cheaper sides of things. Not like, bad cheap stuff, but I am certainly not able to spend $100 each time I go to the store. She hasn't given me a compliment in literally I don't know how long. I even brought that up and she said "well cool now it's because I haven't given you enough compliments" as we were in the middle of a fight. She has some sort of snarky comment to me every time I buy myself clothes and I RARELY buy myself new stuff. But she is very hypocritical, as she buys new outfits for pretty much every social occasion. I also get told I'm not doing enough around the house, but I am the only one who takes the trash out, takes our dogs out, waters the plants, pays our rent (I have to get a money order at the first of the month and physically give it to our apt office). She never fails to tell me "well I made you dinner" pretty much anytime she cooks. She came home from a trip late last night, and the first thing she told me was "there was no food in the house"..which was not true. There's plenty of stuff in the freezer and sandwich stuff. She went to our second bathroom where I had hung up my clothes for today, and says "where am I supposed to put your shit if I want to take a bath" (my clothes were hanging up on the shower rod) I feel like I am always in the blame, or doing something wrong. She also has said multiple times in our fights "it's hard to be nice to you". Also, I've been told that she "hates me" when she got too heated in a fight. She's also threatened to leave me multiple times. Mind you, my mom died 10 months ago. Am I being like..I hate to use the word emotionally manipulated because I definitely don't want to offend anyone who has been through much worse, but what is this??
Also I want to add, **TW:MENTAL HEALTH:** that I had a massive panic attack last week, because grief has been a hell of a ride for me, and while I was freaking out, crying and sitting on the bathroom floor, she told me that she "hates me" and "that I always do this". And I'm not paraphrasing or adding more words than what was said, everything in quotes has come out of her mouth directed towards me.

We'd love to get some info on what you think the best dog breed would be for us, as we're not entirely sure yet, any input is more than welcome. Also, sorry in advance for the amount of stuff i typed down, i saw that i was supposed to be specific, so i was, again, sorry. And thank you! **What breeds or types of dogs are you interested in and why?** * Honestly, I think we both love any kind of dog, but, i'll try to be more specific. I know that we both like retrievers, like the golden retriever and the labrador retriever, as they seem like the perfect blend of playful and friendly. We also really like spitz type dog breeds, like the shiba inu for example, this one is because, at least in my expirience, they seems like really intelligent, loyal and also kind of affectionate breeds once they get to know you better, plus, the shiba inu is pretty independent as well, which i think is a good thing since we both work full time jobs, allthough she leaves her workplace slightly earlier than me, about 30 minutes before i do. We also both have expirience with mutts, as we both grew up with family mutts when we were younger, and at least in our expirience, we both think that they tend to be very affectionate, and also incredibly hyper dogs. **What role is your dog expected to fill and how do you envision your dog fulfilling that role?** * I think the role i would like them to feel would just as a companion dog, you know, go on walks, run, play, bond, and all that jazz. That's pretty much it really, i'm sorry i can't be more specific but that's really all that we want lmao. **What experience do you have owning dogs? How about training dogs?** Have you been the primary caregiver of a dog before? If yes, what breed(s)? What is your experience with puppy or senior dog care? * As I've mentioned before, yes, I have had expirience taking care of dogs, as has my partner, i for one, have had 3 dogs during my life time, which can be sad depending on how you look at it, but the first dog lived all her happy doggo life, she was an amazing dog, but the second one, unfortunatly, had cancer, which again, unfortunatly was caught way too late, my family has a third dog now, which they still currently do. Allthough, as far as training goes, that's actually where I'm not as expirienced, since my first dog was from when i was but a child, and when i actually grew up to know that i was supposed to train her, she was already trained, i tried to train the second one, which seemed to be working, but again, things happen, and the one that my family currently has, I don't have much of a bond with, since I moved out 3 months after we got him. Anyway as far as being a primary caregiver, nope, I've never been the primary caregiver of a dog before, that's true for us both. In terms of what dog breeds we owned, the first one was a mutt, allthoug im pretty sure she was something of a chihuahua or something like that, since she was very small, but she was the sweetest little pupper so, yeah. The second one was a shiba inu, which i suspect might have had some golden retriever in him, but i'm really not sure, just a hunch, the third one is a husky. As for my partner, she's had a shiba inu as her first dog and a mutt as her second. **Do you have other pets or are you planning on having other pets?** If so, what breed/type, age, and sex are they? * Maybe a cat, we have talked about it, and we thought that it might be easier for them to get along if they were both introduced to each other at an early age, but that's not really something we're sure about right now, but for the sake of the argument, let's say that yeah, a cat. **Do you have children or are you planning on having children? Do you often have children as visitors, such as nieces, nephews, cousins, or friends' children?** * No we do not have children, but we plan to have children in the future, maybe in about 3 years, as we have always dreamed of starting a family. We also do get our fair bit of visitors, but also not thaaaat often, maybe a couple times a week or once a month, depends really. **Do you rent or will you be renting in the future? If so, what breed or weight restrictions are on your lease?** What type of building do you rent (condo, apartment, high-rise apartment, townhome, single-family home, etc)? * We are currently renting an apartment, i'd think we live in a fairly big apartment, not huge but, big i'd say. As far as i know the landlord doesn't really care what breed we have as long as it's not too loud as not to disturb the neighbours, which i get, honestly. **Who lives in your household and who will be responsible for taking care of the dog?** How do the other members of the household feel about having a new dog? * As of now, only me and my partner live in this household, and we're both gonna be responsible for it, and im pretty sure we're both giddy with excitement over getting a new pupper. As for as future kids, i mean, what kid doesn't like a friendly and playful doggo? **How often do you have visitors to your home?** * As i've mentioned, a fair bit, a couple times a week or sometimes once a month if evveryone's busy or something. **Do you have a preference for rescuing a dog vs. going through a knowledgeable and reputable breeder?** * I wouldn't mind a rescue honestly, but my partner isn't so sure about that one, so we both agreed we would want to go through the process of finding a good breeder. Maybe one day we'll rescue one though, but as far of right now, she'd rather have a dog from that's still a puppy, since she wants to have the expirience of seeing the pupper grow up, which i can understand, and am fine with. **Do you want a puppy, a young adult (1-3 years), an adult, or a senior? Why?** * As I've mentioned before, we'd want to get a puppy, as we want to see the puppy grow up, and have that expirience, since, like i said before, we were never the primary caregiver of the puppers we did have while growing up. **What size dog are you looking for?** [Here is a size chart for your convenience.](http://i.imgur.com/vnz3usJ.jpg) * After we saw the chart, we'd want a dog that would be taller or equal to a corgi, or at least that's what the dog looked like to us on the chart. **How much barking is too much barking?** * You know the kind of dog that once they hear something outside, they go into a frenzy and don't shut up for the next excruciating minutes, that would be too much barking, obviously, most dogs are going to bark, that's only natural for them, but i'd rather ot have a dog would not shut up no matter what for hours on end basically, for the convenience of our neighbours. **How much regular brushing are you willing to do?** * That's not really an issue for us really, for some reason we both like brushing the dogs, at least for me, it's just really calming and brings me to a meditative like state which is quite pleasant, so yeah. But i'd say that like once or twice a week, as we do like dog with smooth coats, don't know why, but maybe because of the kind of dogs we had while we grew up. **How much shedding do you think you can handle?** Some breeds of dogs shed more than others. Some breeds don't shed, but require trimming or other coat maintenance instead. * I'd say we can tolerate a moderate amount of shedding, it's only expected, and we're not allergic to dogs in any way. but i'd also like to not go crazy cleaning everything and all the time, cause that would get old really fast, so yeah, moderate to low shedding would be ideal. **Are you open to trimming your dog's hair, cleaning ears, clipping nails, or doing other grooming at home? If not, would you be willing to pay a professional to do it regularly?** * Yes to both questions. **How do you feel about slobber? What about farts?** * Slobber is fine mostly i guess, somewhat gross i guess, too many farts are a no-no for my partner as she and her family have this crazy sensitive nose, and she will gag if it's a frequent thing. **How eager-to-please or independent do you want your dog to be?** * Both are great personality traits to have, but maybe a mix of both i guess. Though i guess if i had to choose it would be eager to please but, again we both work, so maybe a mix of the two would be ideal. **What sorts of training do you want your adult dog to have?** * i guess like positive reinforcement, obedience training or whatever it's called, socializing, leash training when we're walking around the streets, behavioral training if necessary of course, ya know, the usual. **Is there any behavior you can’t accommodate?** * Well i guess this is a pretty straight forward answer, but yeah, aggression. I'm well aware no dog is inherintly aggressive and it depends on the way the owners train him and all, but I'd rather we have a dog that's just not as likely to be aggressive because, eventhough we have had dogs before, we were never really the ones that took care of them, so, i don't know i guess im kinda afraid that i'll mess the puppy up, or i'll do a mistake and bam now he's super aggressive. Maybe it's a irrational for me to think like that but yeah, it is what it is. **How important is being able to let your dog roam off-leash in an unfenced area?** * Fairly important, i'd say that's a quality for a dog to do so, since I did grow up in a village and, so far, all my dogs we're allowed to walk off leash for at least a good while, and they were fine, obviously we're now in a city and that's just not gonna fly but i'd like to let him roam a little when we're hiking or, idk in a dog park or something. **How long can you exercise your dog each day, on average? What kinds of exercise are you planning to give your dog regularly?** * Well me and my partner as basically always available after 4 PM, so, yeah, i'd say we'd be able to easily give him exercise for like 4 hours, as we're both pretty active people. **How long do you have to devote to mental stimulation each day?** * Good question, i'm not interely sure how much mental stimulation they would need but i'd guess around an hour or like two would be good, but anyway that's all a guess, i'd try my best to give the dog all the physical and mental stimulation it would need, as would my partner. **Where will the dog be kept when alone and where will the dog sleep?** * At our apartment, and he would be able to sleep in our room, not necessarily in our bed, but in our room i guess. **How often and for how long will the dog be left alone?** * 4 days a week for 8 hours straight, since my partner does have an 8-4 job, and i have a regular 9-5, but we do have a holiday one day of the week, so yeah, weekends are also available of course. **If needed, could you hire a dog walker, pay for doggy day care, or come home during lunch to take care of your dog?** * Not really no, we would be able to come home during lunch as that's what we do anyway, as for the dog walker and all that, maybe sometimes? Definatly not all the time though. **What is the general location in which you live?** You can decline to answer, but responses will likely assume you’re somewhere in the US without breed-specific legislation (BSL). * We live in Portugal. **What is the average temperature of a typical summer day where you live? A typical winter day?** Please indicate Celsius or Fahrenheit and the climate of places you may likely live in the future. * Depends, but in the summer it seems to be around 20°C (68°F) to 30°C(86°F), but i've seen it get even higher like 50ºC, that was one time really. In the winter the average temperature would be around 8°C (46°F) to 16°C(61°F), but again i've seen it be a little lower. **On a scale of 1 to 10, how prepared are you to care for a dog and prioritize its well-being over your career, entertainment, or other life choices for the next 12 or more years?** * I can't say were 100% prepared, as I'm pretty sure we'd be considered begginner dog owners, but i'd say we are at least 7 out of 10 prepared, as far as knowledge and willing to prioritaze or doggo. **Are you aware of the costs associated with dog ownership on an average annual basis? Have you budgeted for additional emergency veterinary care and/or pet insuranc3?** * Absolutely, that's rookie level critical thinking, of course we're well aware of the costs, and are more than prepared for them, as we've been saving up for a couple years, and we both have relatively good pay, so we won't run out of coal so to say, as in, we have our savings for the doggo if an emergency were to happen that we for some reason couldn't budget with our salaries each month, but we'd say we'd be able to budget the salaries for the doggo. 

Just for context, the past year and a half has been the most exhausting years of my life. Last March I got a promotion at work, my husband and I bought our first home (yay), and during the first week of us moving in my grandmother passed away unexpectedly. I went no contact with my grandfather three years ago. Her funeral was the first time I had to physically see and speak to him. During the whole ceremony he singled me out and it was horrifying. Things settled down a bit but he kept doing things to try get to me. Unfortunately, he passed in January this year from his alcoholism. We found out he had done nothing for my grandmothers estate since she passed and I’m now the administrator of both estates (neither left a will but my mom doesn’t want anything to do with it for her own personal reasons) and now i own the house I grew up in but since my mom and I moved out it had turned into a hoarders house so we’ve been slowly cleaning it out.
My husband and I are now in the process of fixing up the house and letting my BIL, his girlfriend, and their two kids move into it because they’re having a tough time and we could rent it to them under market value. But they aren’t being super helpful on planning and helping us fix up (even though that was the agreed upon condition of low rent). On top of all this my current job is becoming kind of unstable and there are whispers of layoffs so I’m looking for another job because I can see the writing on the wall for my position.
Sorry for the long context. TLDR; I’ve had a LOT going on.
Anyway, I’ve been working with my therapist for awhile and we’ve been working on me relaxing more since I’ve been in fight or flight for the past year and a half. And I feel like I’ve forgotten how to relax. Even when I do hobbies I like or read a book my mind is still going or right after the hobby is done I feel guilty that I wasted time.
This didn’t use to be a problem for me. I used to love relaxing and planning self care days but out of circumstance I just can’t get back into the swing of things. And my husband, who is naturally a type A person that is ALWAYS productive, doesn’t help. It’s not his fault but when I see him being productive I feel even guiltier even though he encourages me to relax.
Does anyone have any tips? Or books that helped? I’m desperate to try anything at this point. I feel like I’m running on less than fumes.
And if you read this LONG post. Thank you so much!

I know, right off the bat, an age gap of this large, relationship is unusual.
We have been together a year and gotten into a hand-full of fights, but it's generally been really wonderful. The fights namely, are at times where I don't feel appreciated. I feel that he is very cheap (He has a 9 figure net worth) and I translate that into meaning, he does not care about me/ prioritize me. I think it's a love language thing. He will get upset about the lights being on, or having the water running on too high of pressure and that just feels psychotic and controlling to me.
On the other hand, he lets me live at his beach house with him rent free. We cuddle every night and he does a lot of wonderful charity work. It is just difficult for me to be objective when I feel so deeply for him.
Anyway, Sunday we got into it. We also have a roommate who lives in the basement and I told him I was feeling competitive with his roommate and it wasn't conducive to intimacy. He told me that, if he had to choose, he would choose his roommate over me because the roommate makes less demands on him. The roommate also cooks for him and sometimes acts life a wife.
That was my ah-ha moment and I left and went to my house. I have a house, I am not financially dependent on him, but it's about 45 miles away from him. And 45 miles away from my job, he lives very close to where I work. So I have been commuting.
The biggest reason I left was because I was not feeling loved/respected and I keep reading and hearing that, with some distance, a man will realize your worth. In the year together, I have never really given him the chance to miss me. I had to leave to focus on myself and it's been painful and difficult and I miss him so much. On the other hand, I know, I can't maintain a long term relationship if I am not the priority. He didn't get me a birthday gift, but he did take me out of town. (To his friends condo, that he stayed in for free) and I just wonder. Valentines day, he took me and the roommate for $2.50 tacos.
This is my first relationship, but the roommate thing is weird and difficult to get past. How can I move forward after he told me that he would choose his roommate over me? Am I devaluing myself by wanting to stay with him?

**TL;DR;** : I am in a relationship with a man who is much older and much more successful than myself and despite his extreme wealth, he has a roomate who cooks for him and acts life a wife. He gets upset over things like the lights being on and he told me that he would choose his roomate over me. Is there a way to get past this or am I in denial and in a relationship where I am not loved or appreciated?