my partner, who i love, has been working on changing. they are going to therapy, using therapy tools and making huge effort. they always admit their mistakes and apologise soon after they do something like yell o overreact. they grew up without a role model for love, and their family relationships are tumultuous- which I have seen. The family is a lot. They are also from a culture known for yelling being he normal.
Anyways, I am close with my family. My mom came to visit us after three years of marriage (international couple) and finally met my partner in person. The first few days were fine but the last day was awful. All the stuff my partner had worked on in therapy over the past few months went out the window completely. They insulted me in a catty way and told me they wanted a divorce twice in the same day, both in front of my mom. Both times they apologised after but it was INSANE that they did this in front of my mom, whose opinion means so much to me. She now told my family and doesn't feel like I am in a emotionally safe relationship. I moved to a different country to be with my partner so for them to threaten divorce is to uproot and change my whole life in a way that is so intense. International relationships are hard and we have had a difficult time as it is.
My mom and I cried on the last day, not how I wanted her to feel at the end of her trip. She supports and loves my other siblings relationships, but said mine felt like a toxic cycle of fighting and making up. I don't know what to do. My partner cried and apologised, asking for me back and said they would do more therapy and that they didn't mean it. They used to say that and I told them threatening the relationship is abusive when i have nobody in this country and that's a big reason they went to therapy in the first place. The fighting was over trivial sh*t like sharing housework and just little stuff I don't fight people over. Insulting me too. My mom knows i'm very non particulachill and knows I wouldn't ever get worked up about these things. She felt my partner talked down to me and was not pulling their weight in the relationship, which is true and I almost broke up with them before they started making those impactful changes.
Now my mom saw the way they treated me a few months ago before they started to change, and I was so upset in her visit those behaviours came out. When they said they wanted a divorce in front of my mom I almost packed my bags and left. I stayed in the end because they were telling me they are going to do more therapy or anything I need to try to change. They love me and I love them, my mom agrees to seeing their love for me and that it is a dysfunction in how they show it.
I told them I am taking time to decide if I should stay or go. I am married and in love with this person, so nuanced answers would be appreciated. They are a good person, but with bad learned tendencies from their family (which I have witnessed) and are actively trying to change.
On the flip, can I be with someone who would talk down on me and threaten our relationship in front of my family? It seems humiliating in an unforgivable way, or that's how it felt in the moment. I love them very much, but I feel at a crossroads.
Can people change patterns they work hard to change, and do not want in your opinion. And if they can, how long would I need to be patient to wait for those changes. They've been in therapy for a few months and had really made so many changes I asked for until my mom came... which is really really upsetting. We are in our early 20's and I just need advice from other married people. They have manipulative and controlling tendencies- and so does the family. I always call it out, they always apologise.
I know people say "if your partner wants to they will" and they are doing everything I asked, but how they acted especially in front of meeting my mom was nuts. They are in the process of changing. I am in the process of deciding to stay or go.
Mind you, it is a huge life decision as I applied for PR in their home country and paid a lot of money and we are married. My whole life would change drastically if I left, and they are my best friend, partner, and companion. They treat me right 80% of the time, but the other 20% is unacceptable. And they know that. I always tell them.
Drunk rant.

20F and just moved away. while living with my Father he was constant borrowing money from me or just straight up stealing my money w/o asking. Ive been working since I was 16 and don't recall a single paycheck where he hasn't borrowed most of it. He has put our shared account in the negative SO many times. He always claims it's because he has no money or cant afford a bill. This became frustrating overtime because I was never able to save up for anything. i tried hiding cash, opening up new bank accounts & yet somehow always the money was found out about because he would track when i got paid, how much i would be paid & question where the money went. IF i lied i would be scolded for "irresponsible spending" it got the point where I was watching him make financially irresponsible decisions and him falling back onto me and making it my problem. I paid for all of my own bills and stuff too.
My mom passed when I was 17 & I inherited money. I wanted to use this money to move when I graduated high school. My parents were separated when my mom passed & they were never together, my dad lived in another state and i moved with him when i was 15 because he threatened to take my mom to court because he felt he was a better fit parent. Prior to that, I rarely even ever heard from him. I saw him maybe twice a year.
My dad disagreed with Idea of me using the money to move back home. I would've only needed 5% of it to actually move. His idea was for me to buy his car from him and pay off half the mortgage to our house. He claimed he would build a new house the next summer & I would have a master bedroom. Since we were living in a run down old farmhouse, it needed to be severely remodel or just knocked down. It had holes and cracks in the walls. Hed tell me things like I'll never be able to live on my own & convince me that my family back home doesn't care that much about me. I felt hurt & confused. i ended up just agreeing to the idea thinking well at least I'll have a car a house. also ended up being convinced into buying him a new riding lawn mower & a trailer that attaches onto a truck. There was still more money I don't know where it went.
Non of what he said he was going to do happened, my car needed a new engine and I even paid him the money to get it fixed and it took him two years to get it done. I watched him make more financially irresponsible decisions. this man genuinely believes i OWE him money. Because he had to pay child support for me when I was younger or because he had to care for me when I didnt have a job when i was A MINOR. He acts like he was there for my entire life, when i KNOW he wasnt. He makes six figures & has a wife that also makes almost that, yet they cant afford to live and somehow had to fall back on me. Now im moved out at 20 and have non of my inheritance yet somehow i can afford to live. I grieve all the money I could've had. (If you're wondering how I moved, a friend helped me and Im currently paying them back.)
Would I be wrong to cut him off completely now that I moved away? He has already called three times about money, and I've told him no and hes gotten pissy with me and even got upset at the job I have and told me I need to make more money.

48f 5'7" 120 pounds
T1D
Meds: buspirone, zoloft, adderall, dexilant, insulin, rosuvastatin
Been having ruq pain, constipation, and diarrhea. Serious cramping at times. Biggest complaint it's that pain in the right side, i have been constantly adjusting my posture and sleep position so my back is now always hurting too. Happening since March
Fecal Elastase was <50
Gall bladder removed last year
Today was my endoscopy
Before the procedure? The doctor was like : oh your a1c is too high, that's probably causing all your symptoms"
My last A1C was 6.6 and it has been between 6.3 and 6.8 for the last 15 years, which is when i was diagnosed
After the procedure they said i had a hiatal hernia and fluid in my stomach, likely pointing to gastroparesis
They will likely schedule a gastric emptying if insurance will cover it but that will likely take several months
They took some samples to biopsy
I was told to eat small low fiber meals and see you in September for a follow up
My sister has had a hernia strangulation and almost lost part of her bowel so i am a little concerned they seem to be doing nothing about this. Is this something they're going to be watching? Do hernias get bigger? Constipation and hernia is no good right? I get backed up pretty easily, always have, and low fiber seems like that'll make that worse?
(Older colonoscopy showed a sharp right turn in a part of my lower colon, and yes that is where it often hurts when things aren't moving bc it doesn't get around the corner as well i guess)
He also didn't like that i was on Dexilant and wants to move me to otc famotidine after a month, which doesn't touch the GERD at all. Says Dexilant has too many side effects
I have tried famotidine, omeprazole, pantaprozale
Dexilant is the only one that works. Believe me, this shit is expensive, if otc pepcid worked Id be ALL over it
I understand being hesitant for hernia surgery, surgery is a big deal and if it can be managed medically, great
But i would like to know what, if anything, is going to happen going forward. Do i get an egd every year or something to watch it? Does this explain the upper right quadrant pain? I asked about the enzymes from the Fecal test and he just said"take them if you want"??
And if anyone could clarify what problems Dexilant could cause that'd be very helpful too Thank you.

my partner, who i love, has been working on changing. they are going to therapy, using therapy tools and making huge effort. they always admit their mistakes and apologise soon after they do something like yell o overreact. they grew up without a role model for love, and their family relationships are tumultuous- which I have seen. The family is a lot. They are also from a culture known for yelling being he normal.
Anyways, I am close with my family. My mom came to visit us after three years of marriage (international couple) and finally met my partner in person. The first few days were fine but the last day was awful. All the stuff my partner had worked on in therapy over the past few months went out the window completely. They insulted me in a catty way and told me they wanted a divorce twice in the same day, both in front of my mom. Both times they apologised after but it was INSANE that they did this in front of my mom, whose opinion means so much to me. She now told my family and doesn't feel like I am in a emotionally safe relationship. I moved to a different country to be with my partner so for them to threaten divorce is to uproot and change my whole life in a way that is so intense. International relationships are hard and we have had a difficult time as it is.
My mom and I cried on the last day, not how I wanted her to feel at the end of her trip. She supports and loves my other siblings relationships, but said mine felt like a toxic cycle of fighting and making up. I don't know what to do. My partner cried and apologised, asking for me back and said they would do more therapy and that they didn't mean it. They used to say that and I told them threatening the relationship is abusive when i have nobody in this country and that's a big reason they went to therapy in the first place. The fighting was over trivial sh*t like sharing housework and just little stuff I don't fight people over. Insulting me too. My mom knows i'm very non particulachill and knows I wouldn't ever get worked up about these things. She felt my partner talked down to me and was not pulling their weight in the relationship, which is true and I almost broke up with them before they started making those impactful changes.
Now my mom saw the way they treated me a few months ago before they started to change, and I was so upset in her visit those behaviours came out. When they said they wanted a divorce in front of my mom I almost packed my bags and left. I stayed in the end because they were telling me they are going to do more therapy or anything I need to try to change. They love me and I love them, my mom agrees to seeing their love for me and that it is a dysfunction in how they show it.
I told them I am taking time to decide if I should stay or go. I am married and in love with this person, so nuanced answers would be appreciated. They are a good person, but with bad learned tendencies from their family (which I have witnessed) and are actively trying to change.
On the flip, can I be with someone who would talk down on me and threaten our relationship in front of my family? It seems humiliating in an unforgivable way, or that's how it felt in the moment. I love them very much, but I feel at a crossroads.
Can people change patterns they work hard to change, and do not want in your opinion. And if they can, how long would I need to be patient to wait for those changes. They've been in therapy for a few months and had really made so many changes I asked for until my mom came... which is really really upsetting. We are in our early 20's and I just need advice from other married people. They have manipulative and controlling tendencies- and so does the family. I always call it out, they always apologise.
I know people say "if your partner wants to they will" and they are doing everything I asked, but how they acted especially in front of meeting my mom was nuts. They are in the process of changing. I am in the process of deciding to stay or go.
Mind you, it is a huge life decision as I applied for PR in their home country and paid a lot of money and we are married. My whole life would change drastically if I left, and they are my best friend, partner, and companion. They treat me right 80% of the time, but the other 20% is unacceptable. And they know that. I always tell them.
Drunk rant.

~First~
Cats, Cops and C4
The Erumenta woman tries to fight even as he forces her into the cell, her natural fire flaring hot enough for his clothing to smoulder and him to mentally congratulate himself for his Undaunted Brand. It’s literally saved his fingers multiple times today.
Marlintine Spire is like many of the spires of Centris still reeling from the massive scan. Sure it had been legal, and both Living Goddesses upon the world had told everyone to calm down in their own way. But just because something is legal and endorsed by powerful figures does not make it a popular move.
“You burn any of your fellow prisoners while you’re in there and you’re getting a suppression collar.” He tells the obstinate criminal as he shoves her into the holding cell and slams the bars shut. The forcefields supplementing the metal bars flickers into place and the blast of flame she aimed at his face splashes against it without further effect. “Cute, keep it up and we won’t need a court hearing to upgrade you to a real prison.”
“He’s being serious. Stripper boy is playing at being a serious police officer.” Another criminal mocks and is subsequently ignored as Chenk leaves the area. He has other things to do.
“Ma’am.” He greets Chief Bowman as he slips by to head back out.
“Hold it human. I know your kind are endurance monsters, but you need to sit the hell down. You’ve been dragging in cult soldiers for six and a half hours straight. Your legal overtime ended a half hour ago.”
“Then keep a cell open for me as I keep bringing in more people. This needs to be quelled.” Chenk says and as he turns to keep going she grabs his belt and pulls him back.
“You need to rest.”
“The Spire is in the middle of a borderline insurrection. I can rest when it’s...” He begins to say before a sudden movement to his right makes his head snap around. Just before Vera the Takra-Takra crashes into him.
“Thanks for stalling him out Chief! Come on you goofy human!” Vera announces as she drags him down the hallway and into Linda’s Office. She tosses him onto the couch and then pounces onto him and pins him.
“Really?” Chenk asks.
“Yes really. You need to calm down. And I found a way to force it.” Linda states.
“But the Spire is...”
“You are one officer. Supersoldier on loan to the station or not, you’re still only one officer. The structural integrity of this spire only depends upon you when there’s a bomb threat and even then, only when it’s a chemical bomb.” Linda tells him. “Or do we have to restrict you to only being called out during a bomb threat?”
“No.” He says. “But people are still getting hurt and...”
“And they're the ones hurting themselves. Just please calm down. I know you’re skilled, but your sense of justice is just going to hurt you at this rate. Don’t want to leave a bad example for Amy now do you?” Linda teases him and Chenk groans in frustration.
“... I really should have thought things through before growing attached to that girl.”
“Oh probably, but it was adorable to see. The world crashing down on a poor little girl in over her head and then Officer Hero, Supersoldier from the blackest void of the galaxy flies in to save her.” Vera teases.
“Still, him being a supersoildier is a bit of a problem right now. Big man needs a mission, or he’s going to go nuts!” Linda notes. “Luckily! I called one of your friends on the ship. Soldier, you’re in position to requre a talking to from The Observer. However, the call is on hold, but you need to be here when it goes off.”
“That’s a dirty trick.” Chenk notes even as an Undaunted communicator is tossed at him and he catches it. It’s activated, it’s in a waiting queue and there’s no way he can go into the field now if he’s waiting for an official answer. “Very dirty.”
“Good thinking!” Vera compliments as she cuddles closer to her pinned target. Her hair spikes out in sudden shock as The Communicator then goes off to signify the call has gone through. “I jinxed it!”
“Specialist Chenk Barnabas sir!” Chenk answers the call instantly as he sits up and Vera scurries off him.
“Really? I put him on that waiting list to get him to calm down and stop working.”
“Specialist Barnabas, I’m one of numerous individuals filtering the sheer number of incoming calls to The Inevitable. You’re in the proper queue now, please state what you have been doing as a member of The Undaunted so that Observer Wu can better decide who to speak with.”
“I’m on loan to one of Marlintine Spire’s major police stations. Due to the overpopulation of Centris this means I have been acting as elite law enforcement over a population that exceeds that of many of earth’s countries.”
“I see, anything in particular that you’re doing?”
“I’m a chemical expert and accredited detective at this rate. I am the go to specialist for law enforcement when it comes to chemical explosives for a full ten percent of Centris Police Departments.”
“Any particularly interesting cases you’ve been assigned to?”
“Yes, one that is still being debated in court by none other than The Trytite Lady. It involves cloning, murder, mercenaries, numerous criminal gangs and a great deal of more nonsense such as massive prison breaks, fighting robots and Axiom effects so dangerous that even speaking about them in anything more than the most broad and general of terms on an open frequency is a punishable offence.”
“So you have seen a fair amount of what has occurred in the galaxy.”
“I’ve seen enough that I’m going to be very hard to surprise or overwhelm any longer.” Chenk says.
“Very good. I’ll just note this down. The Galaxy is absolutely insane, I’ve been fielding calls from people with like nine heads all speaking in concert and god damn lobster people and more...”
“That’s reality for you.” Chenk replies. “Always more absurd than it should be.”
“Indeed, stand by. I’m putting you into the next proper queue. It shouldn’t be more than a minute or two long.” The Assistant states and then the call shifts to simply display that he’s fourth in the queue now.
“Hunh. Faster and somehow slower than expected at the same time.” Chenk says even as Vera leans against him.
“Even when you take a break you’re still working.”
“You didn’t complain about me being an endurance monster when I planted this in you.” He says gently patting her growing stomach and she pushes him a bit in protest.
“Problem with getting the super-babies of doom is the wait for the baby.” Vera complains and he chuckles before the communicator activates again. He puts it in broadcast mode as Linda leaves her desk to sit next to him for support.
“Observer Wu I take it?” Chenk asks the Asian man who nods.
“And you are Officer and Operative Barnabas. The little summary in front of your call has my attention. Tell me, how are laws generally handled in the Centris space.”
“Centris is a massively overpopulated planet consisting of Spires and Plates. The Spires are the massive multi tiered towers that have two hundred levels each and each level holds enough people to populate any major city on Earth with ease. The lower the level on the spire the less funding, infrastructure and support it has with the bottom ten generally considered a universal slum or no man’s land. Law enforcement in those areas is nigh on impossible and the air itself has been described as thick and fetid. No natural light reaches those areas either.”
“And higher up?”
“Increasing amounts of wealth and support. To such a degree that the plates, which form an artificial ring around Centris are of such high quality that their most squalid and desperate places are at roughly the same standard of living as the middle fifty floors of a well off Spire. As you can imagine, policing all this is an outright herculean effort and every station, no matter how well funded, armed or endorsed is simply inadequate for the task.”
“What sort of crimes have you witnessed?”
“I’ve stopped terrorist conspiracies, torn down drug labs, found myself between assassins and their targets, I’ve stood in the middle of gang wars commanding people to stand down, I have tackled muggers, murderers and maniacs alike into walls and cuffed them. Not even twenty minutes ago I dragged a criminal who could light fires with her will alone into a cell, my jacket is still singed from it.”
“So the world is rife with criminality.”
“No more than any other place, there’s just so many people crammed in here that it’s constant, and that’s without the recent provocation that every single criminal organization received more or less simultaneously. Generally for every single idiot that needs a police officer to remind them why good behaviour is a good idea, there’s an entire bus full of people that didn’t even consider breaking the law.” Chenk explains.
“But when they truly commit crimes they don’t stop do they?”
“No, more resources, technology and Axiom means that if someone wants to break the rules they can break the very concept of rules. The last major case I was in before this flashfire of criminality was kicked off involved the sanctity of body and mind being shattered for the sake of mere greed by a figure so underworld infamous that for a chance to get either evidence on the person in question or ingratiate themselves to them we had an all out war break out in the station. One that if not for a quick trick, we would have lost.”
“And the trick was?”
“Switching out the prize for a disguised tracking beacon.” Chenk says and Observer Wu nods appreciatively. “I can’t credit on that though, it was The Private Stream that did that.”
“I haven’t had that fully explained to me. What is THE Private Stream?”
“I’m not the best person to explain it, but a quick summary is that it’s a shared persona for low profile work. Operative Jameson is the founder and original Private Stream, a persona that lets him go around while heavily armed and armoured while arousing no suspicion.”
Vera snorts in amusement. “Arousing... lot of girls find the aw shucks innocent routine to be arousing.”
Chenk slowly urns to her. “What?”
“You know what.”
“Maybe I don’t!”
“Maybe you do.”
“Could we focus please?” Observer Wu asks. “Now, as an Officer, are there any laws that you would find concerning about humans?”
“Yes, they’re usually location dependant thankfully. So the issue can be avoided. Furthermore there’s a lot of leeway given in laws where the traits of a species would make following the law difficult if not impossible. For example a human can generally get away carrying substances that are considered highly toxic or dangerous due to the fact that our diets contain what many people in the galaxy are nothing more than hard core poisons.”
“Hmm... Could you be more specific?”
“Well, this one won’t apply to you due to an amendment that Admiral Cistern was able to get allies to help him push through, but one of the most popular religions the galaxy over is the Gravid Faith, it has numerous denominations and variants and several of them create what’s called Arrangement Systems where men are required by law to have a hundred wives.”
“And the amendment is?”
“That if you are gainfully employed by governmental or military forces that you are exempt from the law so long as you remained employed in such a manner. You Observer Wu are the eyes of hundreds of Earth Nations meaning a government employee.” Chenk explains and he nods.
“I see. Any other exemptions?”
“Generally the Galaxy looks down on kinetic weaponry, so when it was pushed that humans wear weapons and cultural garb it was allowed through without issue. So humans are legally allowed to carry weapons like knives and pistols at almost all time without question. It’s... rather stupid in my opinion, but well it would be even more foolish for me to complain about something I’m outright benefiting from.”
“Hmm... any other laws?”
“They very much vary by location. Which are further influenced by the species of the residents, local culture, religion, political association, economic status. The name of the game is jurisdiction issues here on Centris. The local police departments all help one another, but always at the invite of the local officers who can actually confirm if what’s taking place is a crime or not in the local area.”
“Can you give an example of this working against things?”
“Alright, the easiest example is with drugs. There is no agreed on way to combat the spread of illegal narcotics. Some make the growing of the plants that produce what you want illegal. Others make the refinement of it’s fruit illegal and some make the selling of the drug illegal. So you can produce it all on the third Spire and sell it on the first two legally. You can grow the plant on the second and third spire legally, refine it on the first and third legally and that way you have a massive multi-jurisdiction drug running operation without technically breaking any law.”
“Hmm... that is a great deal to consider. I presume other such crimes can operate the same way?”
“Unfortunately yes. But that’s the problem with laws, you need to set where the boundaries are, but not make people prisoners in their own homes. There’s always a loophole.”
“Tragically yes.” Observer Wu remarks. “Now, I do need to speak to the others, but I have a few moments more. Who and what are you sitting near. The vaguely catlike woman on your right and the... generally human looking woman on your left are?”
“Linda is to my left. Partner and wife, the first actual police officer of us three. Vera is to my right. Wandering Warrior and wife. Linda is a Tret woman, they’re best considered to be humans if we evolved with Axiom helping us, a sister species to our own people. Vera is a Takra-Takra, she and her kind can shapeshift into the ferocious Warform and use it in battle. They pride their skill as Warriors and seek out stronger mates to empower the next generation.” Chenk explains before tiltiing the view down a little to show the pregnant stomach on Vera. “A work in progress.”
“I see. Congratulations. Although compared to many other Undaunted you seem a little behind.”
“I wasn’t aware it was a race.”
“Which is exactly how you lose the race!” Vera says in an amused tone.
“Indeed. Every conversation leads me to believe that I need to take an entire university degree in order to understand things. Thankfully your own is rather straight forward.”
“Really? Who are you speaking with next?”
“I haven't decided yet, but I need to speak with everyone in some way.” Observer Wu states.
“Good luck sir, I think you’ll need it.” Chenk says.
“Excuse me, is there a way to get a human to calm down and take a break? Ever since Centris was Scanned and hidden societies were exposed all over Chenk has refused to stop working. Is there any way to just get him to take a break?” Linda asks.
“It generally varies from person to person. But I would suggest guilting him. Emotional blackmail is a powerful tool.” Observer Wu says with a slight smirk.
“Traitor!” Chenk declares and there’s a chuckle from The Observer.
“Indeed. I’m afraid this call needs to finish now. Best of luck.” Observer Wu says before the call ends.
“So... we need to guilt you then? Okay!” Vera exclaims before her eyes start to water. “Don’t you wanna be there for the baby? Doesn’t she deserve a daddy?”
“Oh my god woman!”
~First~ Last

my partner, who i love, has been working on changing. they are going to therapy, using therapy tools and making huge effort. they always admit their mistakes and apologise soon after they do something like yell o overreact. they grew up without a role model for love, and their family relationships are tumultuous- which I have seen. The family is a lot. They are also from a culture known for yelling being he normal.
Anyways, I am close with my family. My mom came to visit us after three years of marriage (international couple) and finally met my partner in person. The first few days were fine but the last day was awful. All the stuff my partner had worked on in therapy over the past few months went out the window completely. They insulted me in a catty way and told me they wanted a divorce twice in the same day, both in front of my mom. Both times they apologised after but it was INSANE that they did this in front of my mom, whose opinion means so much to me. She now told my family and doesn't feel like I am in a emotionally safe relationship. I moved to a different country to be with my partner so for them to threaten divorce is to uproot and change my whole life in a way that is so intense. International relationships are hard and we have had a difficult time as it is.
My mom and I cried on the last day, not how I wanted her to feel at the end of her trip. She supports and loves my other siblings relationships, but said mine felt like a toxic cycle of fighting and making up. I don't know what to do. My partner cried and apologised, asking for me back and said they would do more therapy and that they didn't mean it. They used to say that and I told them threatening the relationship is abusive when i have nobody in this country and that's a big reason they went to therapy in the first place. The fighting was over trivial sh*t like sharing housework and just little stuff I don't fight people over. Insulting me too. My mom knows i'm very non particulachill and knows I wouldn't ever get worked up about these things. She felt my partner talked down to me and was not pulling their weight in the relationship, which is true and I almost broke up with them before they started making those impactful changes.
Now my mom saw the way they treated me a few months ago before they started to change, and I was so upset in her visit those behaviours came out. When they said they wanted a divorce in front of my mom I almost packed my bags and left. I stayed in the end because they were telling me they are going to do more therapy or anything I need to try to change. They love me and I love them, my mom agrees to seeing their love for me and that it is a dysfunction in how they show it.
I told them I am taking time to decide if I should stay or go. I am married and in love with this person, so nuanced answers would be appreciated. They are a good person, but with bad learned tendencies from their family (which I have witnessed) and are actively trying to change.
On the flip, can I be with someone who would talk down on me and threaten our relationship in front of my family? It seems humiliating in an unforgivable way, or that's how it felt in the moment. I love them very much, but I feel at a crossroads.
Can people change patterns they work hard to change, and do not want in your opinion. And if they can, how long would I need to be patient to wait for those changes. They've been in therapy for a few months and had really made so many changes I asked for until my mom came... which is really really upsetting. We are in our early 20's and I just need advice from other married people. They have manipulative and controlling tendencies- and so does the family. I always call it out, they always apologise.
I know people say "if your partner wants to they will" and they are doing everything I asked, but how they acted especially in front of meeting my mom was nuts. They are in the process of changing. I am in the process of deciding to stay or go.
Mind you, it is a huge life decision as I applied for PR in their home country and paid a lot of money and we are married. My whole life would change drastically if I left, and they are my best friend, partner, and companion. They treat me right 80% of the time, but the other 20% is unacceptable. And they know that. I always tell them.
Drunk rant.

Olá! It's me! I'm Rickle Pick! Hello everyone!
So, I’ve been listening to some stories about Neckbeards and Kevins, as well as some Legbeards and Kevinas (Is that the correct term??). Well, most of the times I listen to those stories, I am reminded of some people I used to deal with in school. Specifically, this time, the tale of a guy, who I’ll name Roger Bacon for reasons soon to be explained. Sorry for any grammar errors, eu falo português! I also don't really know the posting rules here, so I'll just post it and see how it goes lol
This prologue is more of a compilation of stories that I think is needed before we get to the main shenanigans and awkward situations this guy put himself AND me into. If this generates any interest, I will post more specific tales of this weirdo! Long time lurker, first time poster, english is definitely not my first language and the whole shebang. I also never wrote a text this large, so go easy on me!
THE LIST:
Well, I guess it’s usual to make a list of people that appear in those stories, so I’ll make one just for you!
Me: Your basic musician-type nerdy theater kid white guy! Tall, thin with medium-light brown hair. At the time, I usually wore a leather jacket and sometimes a hat (not a fedora, a Chaplin hat. Also, where I live, hats are an acceptable attire choice lol). I kinda looked like the Once-ler from Lorax. At this time, I had just failed my second year of high school because of… honestly just lack of effort, mixed with undiagnosed ADHD and a bit of lacking in the ol’ confidence and self-respect department. At the time, I also was physically incapable of saying no and had a crippling fear of disappointing people.
Roger Bacon: 168 centimeters (or 5,5ft for the uncivilized) of pure muscle! Or at least he thought it was that way. In reality, he did have some muscles but was kinda chubby and flaccid. Not FAT fat, but athletic fat (???). He was mixed, light skinned, had shaved short curly hair, no beard (except for the inside beard) and his face was a special kind of oval, besides having a, "chiseled jaw". He always smelled like he had just gotten out of a day-long brawl with a french cologne wearing burrito. He wasn't an usual neckbeard, but he was a huge attention whore. Thought too much of himself, as we say here in Brazil: “Promised too much, delivered nothing at all.” His moto was: “Dude, I think she’s into me!”
For now, these are the characters, as the focus is to introduce you all to Roger Bacon as a person.
With the list over, let us get to the story.
FEBUARY 2018:
The year of 2018 started pretty badly for me. I had just been held back from 10th grade, had no friends and didn’t really know anyone. As most people know, high school in Brazil is quite different from America, as we start school in febuary and we share the same class with the same people all day, excluding language classes and extra-curriculum activities. This meant that, for the foreseeable future, I was alone. On the first day of school, I shyly sat on the last desk on the far right corner of the room, as I scanned my classroom to see what I was dealing with. A few groups of people sitting together, talking and greeting their friends, some loners reading or playing on their phones. The artsy girl drawing a beauriful woman on the white board. Some guy drawing a penis right beside her. Perfect balance. A normal classroom.
Another difference between our school systems is that we don’t really have clicks based on like Jocks or Nerds or Pretty Girls, it’s mostly people who connected in childhood or matched personalities, instead of connecting through roles and interests within the school. Not saying either one is better, just different. And yeah, the bullying situation is just as bad. I was bullied for my whole middle school and through first year of high school, and made a very specific group of low profile friends. So when I failed sophomore year I thought to myself “Screw it, if I’m going to be held back, that’s at least a second chance for me to grow an acceptable social life.”
All this elucidates how intimidating it could be for someone to join a new classroom full of mostly new faces. If you were unable to make a friend, you’d pretty much be on your own for the whole year unless an already formed group “adopted” you. So my mindset was to at least try and meet new people.
Well, have you ever said “I’m gonna do this thing I’ve never done before!” And got the worst possible circunstance you could get at the very first attempt? Welp, that’s just what happened. My strategy was to start small, and go talk to only one person at first, and then try to interact with a few of the groups as that was a bit intimidating (fun fact: we call “clicks “panelinhas”, spelled “pah-neh-lin-ias”, wich means “little pans”, because, you know, they’re closed groups, like a closed… pan. Idk, anyway), so I went up to this guy in front of me, and that guy was Roger Bacon.
He was almost lying on his chair, on a cool guy pose while messing around on his phone. He was also wearing a black sports tank top with a grey opened sweatshirt and the standard uniform wine-red shorts that were mandatory in our school, which made him look like a short and jelly version of Rocky balboa mixed with Kick Buttowski.
In real life, my name and his started with sequential letters, and because of this, we would sit near each other for the whole year, so I guessed he’d be the best person to interact with. I also KINDA knew him because we had basketball training after class in like 2015 and I went to the same church as him, in which I befriended his brother, Kevin, slightly, but didn’t have much contact with him because he had already graduated (I have some stories about basketball and church so tell me if yall wanna read them lol). I approached and gestured for him to take of his headphones (They were extremely loud, so I could recognize he was listening to the song In The End by Linkin Park).
Me: Hey! Aren’t you Roger? You’re Kevin’s brother, right?
RB, trying to sound stoic: “Oh, hey Rick. Yeah, it’s me… fortunately for you.”
Me: “What do you mean?”
RB explained: “Well, I’m the cool brother! Kevin was lame, and also had no friends.”
Me: “Isn’t he in a band with [insert band members]? They seem to be his friends…
RB: “They might look nice, but they’re all assholes. Don’t let them fool you! I’m the nice brother, Kevin is a dipshit.
To elucidate you: that band he said was made of assholes was the Worship band of the church we went to. It was also the worship band that I occasionally played the piano with.
I said, jokingly: “Guess I’m an asshole then! Because, ya know, I play with them more often than not”
RB: “No man, it’s just them. They’re just so infuriating! They never let me participate!”
Me: “Wow, that’s weird… I mean, I didn’t know you were a musician too! What instrument do you play?”
RB: “I play the drums, piano, guitar, bass and I also sing. But Kevin keeps me out because he wants to be the 'star brother'!”
I could tell he got a little heated, and went silent for a little while. I decided not to mention the band or his brother in his presence, 'cause ya know, that was pretty awkward lol.
I remember thinking to myself “This guy’s kinda weird”, because his brother was one of the nicest people I had ever known, and he also didn’t have the say on who played on the band, the worship leader did. I thought about confronting Roger with this, but I didn’t want to abandon my quest of finding a friend. And also, he seemed chill at first, if not a little insecure.
I was a little uncomfortable with this line of conversation, so I opted to change the subject. We talked a bit more about me having been held back, and he went on about how he was really good at math and chemistry, and how he could help me with my school stuff.
I was glad to have someone to help me, and even more, someone who apparently liked the stuff I liked. I remembered what he was listening to, so I commented on it and asked which song was his favorite, and we talked about Linkin Park for a bit. He said “In The End” was his favorite song, and then I mentioned I was a huge Linkin Park fan. He told me he was a big fan as well, but as we talked about it, it became a bit fishy. He never specifically said anything and just kinda repeated what I said. It became clear after a while that “In The End” was, in fact, virtually the only song he knew from that band.
That was the first time I noticed something strange, but only in hindsight, as at the time I just thought he really wanted to make a human connection. I remember thinking he was just excited to know someone who was open to talking to him, so I didn’t think anything of it.
Also, not everyone memorizes this stuff, and maybe he did only remember one song, for whatever reason, so I let that pass. I only felt necessary to include this information because it was, at least in some way, the first lie that Roger told me, a little sample, if you will, of what’s to come.
After we talked for a while, mostly catching up on our lives, the bell rung and our first actual class had begun, and I had the first-hand experience of this guy’s sense of humor. The teacher walked into the classroom and introduced himself as the new Geography teacher, and started a power point presentation about some of the subjects we’d be covering that year, saying “Please pay attention to this class, as you’ll need to know how our schedule will work”. Roger looked back and said “Huh, I guess this class is useless for you then, being held back and all, hahah”, which made everyone look at me and just kinda stare like I should say something, and he kept repeating the joke to anyone that showed any reaction besides just staring, adding “Amirite? Huh? Amirite?”.
I was kinda salty about this, but my people pleasing peapod brain couldn’t handle letting it show, so I just laughed and said nothing. I guessed it was a poorly thought out joke at first, but then Roger proceeded to make the same comment on every single one of the opening classes we had for both of the introductory days. There were 12 of them. He did it every time. Every. Single. Time. Sometimes he repeated it even louder, as if he didn’t think people heard it, because no-one was laughing.
“Ok”, I said to myself, “He didn’t mean to make fun of me, he’s just a little overexcited and probably is trying to make a connection and help me get acquainted to our classmates.”
Either way, I was very uncomfortable and annoyed.
Thankfully, this came to a halt when he was practically thrown out of the Literature class for interrupting the teacher mid-sentence while she talked about how important the first month of class would be for our comprehension of the whole subject. He made the joke four times. FOUR TIMES. I was beginning to think that I made a mistake, but well, the mistake was already made, at least I can try and understand him a bit, before judging.
The rest of the week went by and he didn’t get any better, but I got kinda used to it. In fact, I actually enjoyed having conversations with him at recess, when we could talk a bit more freely. And, as all things in life tend to do, it got weirder. Weirder in the sense that as we spoke more and more, I noticed a bit of a concerning pattern: every time I shared an experience I had, he’d share a cooler and more awesome almost equal experience back.
Some light examples:
I told him I went hiking for 2-3 kilometers on a trail by the beach. Then he smirked and said he went hiking for “at least 7 kilometers on a deserted beach that only his father’s company’s employees had access to and he saw a Gorilla. There are no gorillas in Brazil. Maybe in zoos, I guess, but definitely no gorillas.
I told him I was kinda sad because I had just ended a “thing” with a girl from my old grade. He “proudly” said he’s been dumped by his ex, Laura, after they dated for 11 months and made out aaaallll the time after school, and he even saw her “lady parts” once!”.
And then he went on to describe that shit for like 3 straight classes, adding more and more to the story every chance he had to speak, providing me with my daily dose of cringe in tiny bits of uncomfortable information at a time! Like a sporadic cringe snack! Sninge! Crack? Probably Crack.
ANYWAYS
There was also the time I told him the story of how I became best friends with a guy because we got into a fight in P.E.. We were arguing about some nonsense and he wanted to fight, so after he socked me on my stomach, I cheaply kicked him in the face so hard I almost sprained my ankle and then we started laughing (because I guess sometimes that’s all it takes). Phillip is my best friend for almost 10 years now.
Roger puffed up his soap dish chest went on for at least 2 classes worth of time about how he “beat up his last bully and broke both of his arms, and almost went to prison, but his dad is a lawyer and bailed him out”. Dude was 16, and I don’t think he’d need to be bailed out, but okay… He was, in fact, very badass.
Those are all approximations of actual stories he told me, because my ADHD memory is shit, but you get the gist of it.
My days were filled with endless stories filled with absolute bullshit, like a Gary Stu from a dying rpg campaign. (I have a story about a DnD game he participated in, but that’s for another time!)
Roger, not content with lying to me about anecdotal facts about his past that could be true but were almost certainly mostly bullshit (if not entirely), had a tendency to just negate reality when presented with facts in certain situations.
And example of this situation is the time we were doing a group assignment and a girl at least 3 meters in front of him dropped her pencil and he just kinda threw himself on the ground, picked it up and said “Here you go, Lana!”. She said “Thanks Roger!”, barely turning around and carried on with the assignment. Roger, then, turned to me with a sleek shit feasting smirk on his face and said:
RB: “Dude, do you think she’s into me??”
I contained a ridiculing laughter just in time to realize he was dead serious.
I said “I don’t know man… Doesn’t seem like it to me, but sure I guess.”
RB then straight up asked ME to go talk to her and get HIM her number. When I asked why shouldn’t he do it, he said it was “the wingman’s job to get the number of the girl” so that he wouldn’t “look weak for asking”
I said I’d do it, cause I genuinely wanted to see if he was right about her liking him (I hadn’t really understood the dynamics of the classroom, so I actually had no idea if he was actually right, just a gut feeling that yeah, he probably wasn’t).
I went up to her and asked for her number, explaining it was Roger who was interested in her and, as I pulled out my raging 2014’s Sony XPeria, I was swiftly interrupted by her delicately saying “Sorry! I have a boyfriend.” (She said the boyfriend part out loud, and stared at Roger)
I said “Oh, ok, sorry to bother ya!” and, as I was starting to walk back, I noticed that she turned back and glared at Roger. Later that day her boyfriend texted him, telling him that “He’s got to stop asking her out, and next time, if he wants to get rejected, he should come do it himself” He called him a moron. And then they both blocked him.
Well, that was embarrassing.
Despite having been turned down (for the 6th time now, I’d come to find out), Roger still maintained that she was “totally into him”, and it wasn’t just Lana. Any time he had even the smallest interaction with any girl, he’d say that they’re “probably into him”, or that “they made out at a party, but she was drunk and probably won’t remember”, or that they “sent him nudes last year but he’s already deleted them because he’s a good person, with morals”.
This went on for a while and, after about a month, Roger begun to dial down the crazy stories about how he’s a “badass and he gets all the girls but he’s single because he’s too good for them”. Until I started seeing a girl from another church I started going to. I met Janice () at the churches youth group, and we talked the whole time afterwards about lots of stuff. This name’s given because of her insanely similar laughter and demeanor of Janice from Friends. We clicked well and I was very interested in her, but my ADHD ass forgot to get her number, and remembered it only when she had already left.
When I told Roger, he laughed and said “I had just cockblocked myself” and that I’d “probably missed my only chance of banging a girl ever”. I was bummed, but clarified I didn’t really want to have sex before marriage or at least before making an emotional connection (I had just then begun to go to church, so I didn’t really get the rules, so it was more of a personal choice I always had in mind when thinking about dating. Also I met her at church so wtf).
He said “that was dumb” and, “even though he was a virgin, he’d dance the Devil’s Tango with the first chick he had the chance to”
“What about Laura?”, I asked. His face went from a confident smirk to an almost sad expression, and he blankly replied: “She didn’t want to, but I tried anyway at times. I even got a blowie once!” I let it go because I was very tired, as Mondays are hell on earth.
A few classes later, I went up to him and reminded him of our conversation and asked:
I said “Ooookay, but what about all those girls you told me were all over you? Didn’t they want to have some bum bum times with you??”
He was taken by surprise by this, and was visibly trying so hard to think of an answer for at least 15 seconds. He mumbled “Well…”, and like just left. Like he got up in the middle of the class, and walked away. Well that was weird!
He got back and I didn’t pry, thinking he had some kind of trauma, and I tried to change the subject.
I say “tried” because instead we were suddenly interrupted by a girl asking me if I was Rick. I didn’t know her or how she had materialized beside our desks, but later I found out that that girl’s name was Mary. She had blue eyes and was smiling mischievously, and I answered “Yup, that’s me”. She then giggled and said that “Anna wanted to make out with me after class”. Me and Roger were both very much taken aback by this, and I immediately thought to myself that this could only be some type of dare or prank (which it probably was), and was about to try and respond with the first witty joke that popped up in my monkey brain when, without missing a beat, Roger said “Rick’s already seeing someone!”. Mary was visibly surprised and said “Oh, you have a girlfriend??” with a look of disbelief on her face. Ouch. I explained that I wouldn’t say I do, I just liked a girl from church and we’re going to see a movie with some friends on Saturday, and that either way it was a pass on the making out sesh! Mary said “Oh, okay!” and started to walk back to her desk. I was about to make a joke and say that Anna could probably do better than me, when Roger interjected:
RB: “I’d like a making out sesh if she’s interested!”
Mary looked back with a visible “Lol, ew no” expression and just said: “I’m sure you would, Roger!”, turned away and sat down, laughing with her friends when she got to her desk.
Roger turned to me and said:
RB: “Dude, do you think she’s into me?”
This cycle repeated once in a while, so I’m not gonna tell you all of the situations that I felt like shaking him and trying to wake him up like Woody does to Buzz Lightyear in Toy Story. Exhausting, right?
Another thing Roger tended to brag about was that he did Martial Arts. Specifically, Kung Fu (Wushu). I would come to find out that, in the year before, he made a big scene to tell everyone in class that he’d just started Kung-Fu classes and, when no-one payed attention, he started a habit of punching the wall beside his desk, audibly making “hmpft” noises. When anyone asked why, he’d say he was training, and that his Sensei (Not shifu, he actually said sensei) had asked him to do that to strengthen his fists so he could harness all the strength he had, so one day he could put a hole through a wall with his fists.
He would also punch the school’s fireproof doors because, if you didn’t know, they dent pretty easily, and he would show me and tell me to bask at his strength and ability. That until I said I’d give it a try. He told me not to, because “I wasn’t trained” and “it could really hurt my hand”. I punched the door. It made a dent.
Roger said it was beginners luck and that he’s just a good teacher. I told him I really didn’t even make an effort to pay attention, the metal was just bendy and soft. Roger never talked about it again, and started only punching walls. For that, he would feel superior because, yeah I ain’t doing that. There were consequences for his wall punching habits, but I’ll address that some other time.
The last thing I’ll say about him for now is how clueless Roger was, how much he thought of himself and how he treated everyone else like they should (and would) respecting for what he told them, and not for what he showed them.
(I plan on doing another part eventually, with the story of how his disconnection with reality, lies, schemes and generally narcissist behavior eventually exploded back into his face.)
As a last bit of exposition of our circumstances, there’s an important part of our school life that fueled Roger’s social life’s demise.
Pranking was a big part of my class’ culture. There were also some people in my classroom who were bullied. The thing is: the bullies actually made fun of literally everyone else, which made it very hard to figure out if you were considered a target or just a colleague. They’d mess with people’s stuff, tie backpacks to the windows and hide pencil cases, but they would also do it to their own group.
Essentially, the only way to differentiate those who they considered normal schoolmates from those who were bullied was the frequency of the pranks and their demeanor in general towards those people. They would apologize for the pranks, ask to make up for it, buy you lunch, make jokes, try to laugh with you. I swear some of those guys were politicians in the making. Luckily, was very good friends with one of the guys in that group, I’ll call him Turkey, who was also held back a few years before me, and he liked my sister, so I was mostly safe.
Roger, on the other hand, THOUGHT he was one of the pranksters. Every time someone pranked him or anyone else, he would laugh knowingly, like he was in on the joke the whole time, and try to make jokes, only to further humiliate himself. And they would capitalize on that as hard as they could.
You see, Roger liked to portray himself as the “Mysterious-Badass-Quiet-Protagonist-Take-No-Shit-From-Anyone-Mr.-Steal-Yo-Girl” guy. This combo of personality substitutes was the recipe for the downfall of his popularity, and the start of the longest lasting pranks I’ve ever seen in my life, which will come if yall want another post. That prank is also the reason I named him Roger Bacon.
Because he was so into Math and Science (and into himself too lol) he also always wanted to look like the smartest guy in the room. The problem is that, as our first semester went by, it became clear that he wasn’t as good as he hyped himself up to be. Shocker, right? This was proven to be true when we were doing a chemistry group test, and I was paired with him and Anna, and we needed to calculate some entropies or whatever. He made a point of telling us to do all of the “easy ones”, and he would take on the more complicated questions.
The thing is, he was trying really hard to look like a genius, to maybe impress Anna, so every time he made a calculation, he would roll his eyes up and kinda vibrate a little. I guess he wanted to look like a genius mathematics robot, but instead he looked like he was trying to imitate an autistic person having a small stroke. I didn’t mind the Good Doctor amateur impersonation, because at least it looked like he knew what he was doing. Unfortunately, it really just looked like he knew what he was doing.
Each easy question of the test was worth 1 point, and there were 4 of them, and there were 3 hard questions worth 2 points each. We got a 4/10 on that test, and lo and behold, the only questions we got right were the ones me and Anna worked on. We were a bit pissed, not gonna lie.
Until the last time we spoke, Roger still blames Anna for his complete failure at this test for, in his words, distracting him because she was obviously into him.
But that’s just Roger, I guess!
I've got A LOT of stories about Roger and other neckbeards I've encountered, and I can't wait to tell them!
Until then, thanks for reading, and have a good one yall!

I'm on 300mg of lamotrigine, first of all is this a high dose? I am also prescribed 10mg extended release adderall but I don't take it every day, usually about twice a week when I really need to focus - I want to rely on as little as possible meds as I can.
I don't drink alcohol, I exercise every day, bicycle commute and play on two soccer teams. I use marijuana to relax after a long shift or on a day off when I'm playing my instruments at home. For someone who uses it fairly regularly I don't have much of a tolerance, even when I use it regularly I cannot take more than 5mg of an edible without being uncomfortable, 2.5mg does it for me. I'll roll a joint and take 3 days to finish the whole thing. Just describing for context.
I'm having swiss cheese brain. I decided to take a break from weed, curious to pay close attention and see the difference but I'm wondering if anyone else has this problem with lamotrigine. Today I couldn't recall what I did yesterday, to the point I had to ask my boyfriend how I got to his house - i couldn't remember if I drove or walked or if he picked me up. I started walking home in confusion from genuinely not being able to remember. I couldn't remember that less than 24 hours ago I took the train to the next town over to spend the afternoon with my parents, and he picked me up from the train station. until he told me, and then I instantly remembered everything. I feel really alarmed by this.
I don't want to switch meds because it helps me so much but this is hindering my daily life and becoming more and more frustrating. Sometimes my brain feels like it gets wiped clean in the middle of a conversation and it makes me seem like a terrible listener even when I'm trying my best.
My boyfriend gets frustrated because I write music and play and sing in multiple bands, and he comments that have no trouble memorizing and recalling the music and lyrics to dozens of songs and learning new ones all the time, but can't remember basic stuff that affects him, like plans, dates, things we've talked about already, things I've done (or have failed to do). He says it's selective and I'm not putting effort into remembering important things. Haaaaalp

Tldr: my boyfriend and I are still happy and in love but have fundamental differences that come between us. His mental health struggles come between us and I don’t know how to save our relationship when it feels over
I have been in a relationship with my (F20) boyfriend (M21) for 5 years. We’re high school sweethearts. So while a lot of our relationship was when we were young and emotionally immature at times we have been there for such a big huge part of our lives and growing up. He lived with me in my parents home for a year before we did some travelling (separate and alone for 6 months) and then we moved out together to a bigger city where we’ve been for a year
He is my absolute best friend. He is my team, my biggest supporter and I love him very truly. We have our routines, we know each other inside and out, and it’s so comfortable to be around him. He truly is the sweetest and most caring. But I’m worried our relationship is over and I don’t know how/if I can salvage it
He had a really tough childhood and never processed a lot of these really hard things and that comes between us in terms of communication and also ways he copes/sees the future. He can be pessimistic and often has comments about how terrible things in the world are and how there’s no point in working towards certain things. After so long of trying to help him/be his therapist when he refuses to see one I feel burnt out and triggered when he complains about these things because for once I just want him to feel like he has hopes and dreams for us. I find that I have a shorter temper and I have these triggers from same conversations over and over. I like to communicate things out and he likes alone time to think and it often comes between us. I feel so unfair getting frustrated with him and I also feel frustrated that I ask for change and for him to take care of himself and see a therapist and he won’t. We just end up in the same arguments and then “moving on” only to find ourselves back where we started. I don’t blame him at all because I understand how hard it is to struggle with mental health and I want to always support him but I also want him to put the effort in to become better.
I do not want to end this relationship and neither does he but can we save this? How?

[Note: Living in western NY state, since I'm sure that's relevant.]

The Situation

Married for over 20 years, abused by my wife (emotionally, financially, escalating to physically) over the majority of that time. She's also been cheating with numerous men over the past several years, but I'm not sure how far back that goes. Family friends, random truckers, you name it.
I have long-term chronic health problems, and after she tried to throw me down a flight of stairs after the last time I found out about her stealing from and cheating on me, I knew it was time to get out. I've been the Dad/Mom for our two kids for the entirety of my daughter's life, and most of my son's. She doesn't do anything to them except complete neglect, so they're safe by virtue of a single parent who is tanking the damage and making sure they get everything they need. It's the best I could do.
I come from a religious fundamentalist family, so there's little to no support for any kind of divorce or getting us out of the situation. The best I've gotten was that this is the result of not following God. No resources to be had there.
My health situation means the only work I can do is writing. Fortunately, I'm good at it. Unfortunately, I don't have a degree or means of getting one, so I'm stuck scratching for freelance work that wouldn't even come close to paying any bills, in a highly competitive market full of people who aren't ~40 and perpetually sick with two kids to care for.
The kids are old enough (youngest just turned 13) that it seems like custody won't be an issue. Both of them avoid her on the rare occasions she's around when they are, and both also want out of this situation. Both break my heart promising me when they get old enough they'll get big jobs and we'll all escape together, but I don't know if I have that long due to the aforementioned medical conditions.
I am currently very malnourished and severely underweight. My psychiatrist, therapist, and doctor are all saying I won't live much longer if I don't get out, but none of them are offering ways. I can't move us into a shelter; right now our neighborhood is safe, the school is good, and I've done enough volunteer work with abused kids (I was one, so I am compelled to give back when I can) to know how those places are.
So I need a plan, and I need one who a diagnosed severely bipolar woman with what have been described by my psychiatrist as "strong psychopathic traits" will agree to, since she's the only one who earns enough money to hold the family above water.

My Only Idea

My best idea: I offer to not file any charges against her, sue, or any of that, in exchange for her agreeing not to contest the divorce and pay whatever is the maximum allowable alimony. She avoid criminal and civil prosecution, she never has to deal with being a mom again, and I can have the closure of not needing to monitor what's going on with her or fear for my safety. Maybe we don't move out right away -- that would depend on a lot of other factors -- but it's my best idea.

The Problem

I just don't know how to navigate any of this, I have almost no money, and she makes just enough to keep us stable paycheck-to-paycheck, so there's no money in a settlement to get or use to pay for a lawyer. Is there a way I could draft a legally viable document like that?
Right now her primary motivation is to maintain appearances for her family, and keep everything the way it is. (She does whatever she wants, she thinks I don't know she's cheating and such because I play dumb for my own safety and keeping things stable while I try to figure this out) so I think she has motivation to sign the agreement.
We couldn't move out right away, so she'd basically have what she wanted, I'd have ensured security of some sort to figure out our next steps, and there would be some closure so when there was an opportunity to move out and move on, we could without the divorce further traumatizing the kids.
I don't know how all of this works. I don't know if this idea makes any sense. I don't know how to do it or who would help us. So here I am, hoping there's a lawyer with the time and kindness to point me in the right direction, since I can't find one.
Please help. I don't know how many years I have left, but I don't want to spend them afraid anymore.

Hi all, I just wanted insight into a friendship that is now ending. Not that we are no longer friends or anything, but I am moving to a new place, and I don’t really keep in touch with friends after our lives have separated.
In short, the friendship was always about her. We went out to eat today as a final celebration of me and my brother's graduation, and the entire time, we were talking about her experiences and her life. (I had been trying to go out to eat with a group of friends for the past two weeks, and spur of the moment she was like, let's go eat today.)
Me and my ISTP brother were trying to connect with her, and she spent no effort trying to connect with us. (If we tried to bring the conversation somewhere we wanted to, she would get on her phone, and only if I said something she connected with, she would come back enthusiastically and take the floor.)
It was like, in her mind, the only person whose ideas or experiences needed consideration was her own. It felt baffling to me with my high Fe, and it felt like I was talking to an energy vampire.
That also showed in the way she showed empathy. Now, I won’t lie, there wasn’t a time where she was empathetic outwardly when I was around, but I’m sure in her mind she likes to think she is. She gets excited for friends, (if it’s something she’s happy for, she’s not going to be happy for you if you pass a hard exam and she failed then, she’s going to sulk and not share any happiness. (I get this is Fi authenticity, but I feel like there is justification in doing both, saying congratulations and asking for support)).
In the times she was showing care for me or our other friends, her empathy was always coming from ‘would this impact me’, and not, ‘how would this help them’ (Fi vs Fe).
I really do value her friendship, I wouldn’t be here asking for advice about Fi-Si if I didn’t.
I definitely valued the way she saw things and her mindset. You INFP’s are cute and are one of the types that help friendships reach a deeper level. But they never tried to get into a deeper level with me. As soon as her needs were met, she was fine and moved on.
It actually was expounded on when we were dating for a little, (long story, but I was so energetically drained because I hadn’t been with someone with such high Fi that often before, that I could not be there anymore).
In all our interactions, I always leave feeling emotionally drained and not listened to. The only couple times I asked for her to be there for me, I had to come out and be selective with my words and no energy really went my way. I asked to be listened to, and I come out having to worry about her feelings.
Every time I tried to describe myself and my mindset, (to be honest, my biggest issue was trying to get her to see things from a Ni standpoint to help understand me), it was ignored, or if it was a problem I was dealing with, she wouldn’t listen to me through and make a conclusion early.
Like INFPs, INFJs want to be seen by others, but my best luck so far has been with people who aren’t emotionally connected as well (IXTP), or people with high Fe (XXFJs). With IXTPs, they listen to you through, and enjoy the logic of the problem, and XXFJ, we give out energy and warmth with Fe.
But you INFP’s, you inspire me to care about myself more. That energy cannot be only given out, and friendships require you to ask for things as well. But even then, it’s like I couldn’t ask her to do the reverse for me. I couldn’t ask her to be there for me if she wasn’t emotionally connected with it herself the way I was able to give myself energy in order to be vulnerable.
In short, near the end of the relationship, I learned to just smile and wave, and instead of asking why I wasn’t trying anymore in the conversation to be seen in our conversations today, she just kept the conversation on her and kept going. Instead of trying to be understood by this person using my previous means, I just tried to learn from her about Fi and Si, and not try to show her into my mind anymore.
I want to know, what am I doing wrong? Is this a type of relationship that will always fail? To me, INFPs need someone to take care of them 24/7, so they can focus on themselves and have someone else take care of their needs, or someone whose main needs is not to connected to emotional space, and being listened to.
My assumption is that this is an unhealthy use of Fi, but given that my ISFP mom is does the same thing first (this screw you, I got mine mentality). I can’t help but wonder if it’s just part of the territory, and I should just take that into account when meeting other high Fi people in the future.

You want to get signed by the big labels, rock it full-time, have the most expensive synths, earn top fees and be the centre of the party. But rarely does anyone talk about the insane amount of work to get there lol. Even if those are sort of sarcastic "goals", just making high quality professional music for the sake of goal achievements is super effing hard. Friends, family and peers ask: where is the music? when are you gonna become Kygo lol. But in all seriousness, never in my wildest dreams would I expect it to be this hard, take this long, and also see so many people fall off during the journey and never release anything. Music production quickly filters out the ones who just dress the part. And I think since no one is talking about how long it realistically takes to get very good a ton of "hobbyists" and bedroom producers are suffering and tearing their hair out, before eventually caving in and starting selling some tribal drum pack instead. Would you agree or disagree? Nearly every "overnight" success Dj I see is a guy that has started a completely new alias but has 10+ years on their belt once I start digging.

I sometimes read about things on reddit but never made an account. I don't know why but I thought maybe I would try to sign up and talk about some things. The thing is I don't know any of you, but I feel alone with my thoughts. I get lost in deep thought and just life. All the things in life. To give some background I believe in God, and I believe that Jesus Christ is my savior. I pray about these things but still I feel alone with my thoughts and feel like I can never talk to anyone else in fear of being judged and treated like some outcast. That is why I present myself as anonymous. I also want to say I know I am straight but am confused on why I do the things I do. Also, I would like this to be organized but I am not a good at making post look nice so sorry for the mess.
To begin things off I will be going into some really deep and personal things. Yes, I have an addiction to pornography. The past months I have made great strides to overcome it. I know it's a problem though when I can't go a week without it. The most I've been able to do is 4 days. I have been viewing it once or twice daily since at least I was around 13 years old. Once I had to access to it. I can't stress enough how tremendous of an addiction it is when I have really trained my body and mind to need it. To even say no to it is extremely hard and takes a lot of effort especially since how easy it is to view it. It's going to take some time to really overcome it. I wish I could just all the sudden not do it anymore and overnight change but it's not so simple.
I was introduced to pornography at a very young age I feel like. I was 6 years old when a neighborhood kid showed me what it was. Just like that it hooked me. Not so sudden but slowly it would wiggle its way in my life. I am going to say some things I truly hate that happened. I don't remember how it began but me and this neighborhood kid started to explore with each other. Even as kid I hated it. I felt great shame, but I did it because it produced good feelings and I wanted to keep feeling the pleasure. We did certain things, nothing like penetration but more of touching. I remember also we would tuck in our lips and pecked. It's hard for me to even type this out really. I think my mind has blocked a lot of things that happened between us in those moments.
I don't blame him for what we did. But I know this stuff that happened was his idea and I just went along with it because it did make me feel good things at that age and I wanted to keep replicating it. His dad was a drunk and his parents were divorced. His dad had porno movies on DVD. That is how the neighborhood kid got into it, I assume. We would reenact scenes from some of the porn videos we watched. Unfortunately, I acted like the female.
Being a straight male in my 20s I don't think anyone understands how severely this stuff has messed with my mind. Causing me confusion on if I could truly be gay or bisexual. I don't think I am because I don't practice gay things, nor do I watch gay porn. That being said, I slowly became more and more open to watching trans porn. At first, I was disgusted by it when I first learned of it. But when I got bored of, I guess normal porn I needed that "new high", something different and more in my mind, forbidden. Some of the acts I watched actually gave me enjoyment which really concerned me. I know what I am watching. Some things I still don't like. But I do get enjoyment when both the guy and the trans person have their parts touch and rub. I don't know why. I cannot watch the guy get pegged nor can I watch the guy suck the trans person off, those are huge turn offs for me.
The thing is me and that neighborhood kid did have our parts touch. I think that left some sort of impact in mind. That is the only explanation I have for how I can get enjoyment out of watching that certain act. Is it possible to be straight and somehow get enjoyment out of what is in my mind effectively a different version of gay porn? Because there are 2 dicks involved.
I love females very much. I love their bodies. I cannot describe it into words. I am very attracted to females. This alone for me confirms that I am not attracted to men. But then why am I getting enjoyment from trans porn? It is very confusing to me.
I hate that I have allowed myself to get addicted to porn. It has wired my brain in different ways. When I resist when my body wants to feel pleasure it's so powerful that I clench my hands into fist resisting the urge. It takes a lot of strength to say no. I don't know who can relate. Unfortunately, pornography has been a huge part of my life in secret. Basically no one knows how bad it is nor understand how much it has consumed me in a negative way. I feel alone. This fight seems unwinnable. I repent a lot. Sounding like a broken record. Like some drug addict going back to their old ways then asking for forgiveness again and again. It seems so pointless, but I still try to persevere. The past months I have had made great progress than I have ever in the how many of years of my life I've watched porn.
I hate that I did things with that neighborhood kid. I know we were kids but still I wish none of it happened. I don't hate him or blame him. We were kids, both victims of the evils of this world. To be exposed to these things at a young age. So messed up. I wish my heart and mind could be pure. I wish I had better self-control over my addiction.

Over the years, I’ve done a lot of different work in the games industry. I want to start this off by saying that I do NOT consider myself a marketing expert; maybe intermediate. I’m making this post to address the most common misconceptions my clients have had regarding marketing. Quite frankly, this is the biggest point of failure for indie games. Take it all with a grain of salt, share your own experiences, and please: correct me wherever you feel I may be wrong.
Marketing should start at the same time as development. You have a great idea for a game — awesome. Do you know who else is going to want to play it? Do you know how you can reach large numbers of those people? How can you make branding and messaging appealing to those people specifically? This should be day one stuff. It almost always isn’t.
Going viral on social media is an outdated concept. Social media wants you to pay for ads. That includes X, Reddit, and everything in between. Many will throttle you for unpaid self-promotion.
Don’t spend money on short-term engagements with content creators. Even if you catch them on a day when they are energized and having a blast playing, their first priority is their audience, not your sales numbers. A one-time payment will not change that.
Don’t hire unverified marketing help. Unfortunately, the indie games space is full of scams. Lots of people offering marketing help have no experience. Ask to see multiple case studies and successful campaigns.
We’ve gone over a lot of stuff that doesn’t work. Let’s cover a few things that do!
Know your ultimate goal. You should strive to create enough of a presence on multiple platforms to start getting noticed organically. Throwing a few hundred bucks at some ads isn’t going to do it. A somewhat successful post on Reddit isn’t going to do it. Align multiple marketing actions in such a way that they help amplify each other — make a new trailer, use it in your media outreach, promote it in various ways, use it to announce a demo and a contest — now we’re talking!
Optimize your Steam page. Make sure all of your art is high-quality, distinct, and gives a player an idea of what they can expect from your game (capsule art especially.) Figure out what the best tags for your game are. https://games-stats.com/steam/tags/ is a decent place to get some insights. Do this ASAP.
Create a community hub. I like to use Discord for this. All of your socials, Steam page, your game demo if you have one, and just as importantly, the game itself — everything should funnel players into one place. This will become an invaluable resource. The first committed members of your community will help provide insights into how to reach your demographic, help you find bugs and quality of life issues, and keep your team motivated. Don’t wait to do it — a year or more ahead of launch is ideal!
Reach out through content creator platforms. The ones I have personally had good results with are drope and lurkit. Your mileage may vary. If you’re lucky, you’ll find a few content creators that love your game and want to keep engaging with it.
Reach out to content creators for free promotion. This is really a numbers game — you might send out 100 emails and get 2 or 3 people who cover it. Focus on creators that absolutely love your genre, and love showcasing promising new content. Send them a free key along with a personalized message. The odds of success are honestly pretty low… Nevertheless, if a sizable YouTuber covers you and is genuinely intrigued by your game, this will be well worth your time.
Run contests, giveaways, or tournaments. Let’s face it — you have a lot of competition. If you want people to line up to try your game, a little extra incentive might help! Make sure that your prize(s) are hefty enough to overcome any barrier-to-entry. A caption contest would have a low barrier-to-entry, while a leaderboard competition would have a fairly high barrier-to-entry. Keep in mind that the likelihood of winning a prize is a barrier-to-entry factor as well. “Winner receives $100” < “10 random contestants receive $10.”
I hope someone finds this helpful. This is not a fully comprehensive guide, just an opportunity to compare notes. If you have questions about any of the things mentioned in this guide, feel free to DM me! If you have something to add or correct, please let me know in the comments.

Hoping this post of just sharing my experience doesn’t break any rules but let me know if it does and I can revise. None of this is intended to be medical advice. Obviously consult your healthcare professional. I'm also not advocating for lying on a health screener; I'm just telling you how it works.
I’m not going to opine on whether you need / don’t need / should take / shouldn’t take Paxlovid. There are plenty of posts on that already (just search Paxlovid on this sub). This post is assuming you’ve determined you do indeed want or need it. I’m just sharing my experience in case others are wondering how to do the same thing or what the process looks like.
This was extremely easy and only took about 10 minutes.
Here’s the link that should go straight to the Covid-19 treatment online visit page: https://clinic.amazon.com/dp/B0BL1Z6VXB?ref_=sf_ac_covid
If for some reason that doesn’t work, go to the main clinic page, click “Find a treatment,” and then click Covid-19. https://clinic.amazon.com/
Click “Get Started.”
I did “Message Only.” No phone or video call. Basically just a chat screen. Messages also go to your email and phone if you choose and you can exit out of the chat window and return later if you need to.
I had 2 choices of an “online clinic” - Curai and Wheel. Both were the same price. Curai quoted me a shorter wait time. This probably depends on your home state because it asks that first.
The health screening questionnaire is basically a maze that you have to navigate correctly to get to your desired destination (a Paxlovid prescription), and the correct path is pretty narrow. It’s looking for a high-risk individual with a positive test in the last 5 days who doesn’t have immediate risk of a cardiac event. That last part is important because on my first attempt I checked the box for “chest tightness” and it kicked me out and told me to go to the ER. Pretty sure a lot of the initial symptoms it asks about are serious ones where it will just tell you to go to the ER. You’ll probably answer something wrong. Don’t worry; you can just click the back button in your browser and stay inside the questionnaire. BMI was my high risk qualifier.
Cost for the “visit” was $34 billed to my credit card saved with Amazon.
A family medicine MD replied in about 10 min. asking for timeline of positive home test and symptom onset. 10 min. later he replied with a proposed treatment protocol of a Paxlovid prescription and asked if I agreed with the proposed treatment plan. I agreed and the prescription was immediately sent to my local CVS and I got it within hours.
Neither Amazon nor the pharmacy will deliver Paxlovid to your house. You have to go pick it up in person. Both Amazon and my pharmacy explicitly stated this on the screen.
Pharmacist told me the 5-day course (10 packs of 3 pills each) would have been $1,500 without insurance, $325 with my insurance, and I happened to Google “Paxlovid coupon” and stumbled upon the Paxcess program/coupon and that made it completely free. American healthcare; go figure. Coupon is here: https://www.paxlovid.com/enroll-in-co-pay-program
Also, obligatory reminder to thoroughly check all the interactions and contraindications before taking this drug. There's a pretty long list.
Keep your heads up.

You are given the opportunity to gear yourself up before being dropped into a field with the number of peasants you select. You must kill all of them and they are all trying to kill you. Failure results in death, success will transport you back to today.
Some rules:
-You are allowed to arm yourself before hand, with unlimited access to anything the military can procure today. You are not allowed anything that does not fit on your person (only clothes, belts, holsters, and whatever your holding in your hands). No vehicles allowed.
-All the peasants know where you are at all times and have the objective to kill you, they are only armed with whatever they could reasonably get ahold of in their day and age (pitchforks, swords, etc.)
-Any diseases you could be carrying would not affect them.
Obviously with modern weaponry anyone can take on quite a few, but if you pick a high enough number they can swarm and you don't have unlimited ammo. How many could you take?

Hi. I have experienced some unusual symptoms, I believe something is wrong with me, and I am trying to figure out how to overcome these symptoms. I am 21/f and have always been very emotional and shy. I can still remember being in kindergarten and feeling scared and lost in my thoughts about everything. I would often sit alone and speak very little.
I didn’t notice it then, but now I see other kids doing kids things without overthinking, and it makes me wonder if something has always been wrong with me. I was always in my head, imagining things, and I never approached other people. I was(and still am, unfortunately not in my advantage) an overly empathetic child, but I couldn't help but notice that other kids didn't seem to worry about how others perceived them as much as I did.
Every social occasion would stress me out so much that my stomach would hurt. By the time I reached 7th grade, my hands suddenly started shaking. My mom took me to the doctor, who said I was just too emotional. The symptoms have worsened as I’ve aged. Now, I always have this strange feeling in my stomach and chest, like heavy butterflies on steroids.
I recently noticed that I hold my breath when I'm near others. My hands still shake but stop when I’m alone. I feel so self-conscious that it’s driving me crazy. I sweat a lot, and depending on the situation, I get so stressed that I can’t even hear what others are saying, which makes things worse because I end up ashamed of not hearing/understanding what they say.
The worst part is that I experience the most severe brain fog and start to act awkward, unintelligent and I feel extremely weird, like my whole body is on fire, I lose control of it and I feel like I have a disability. My logical thinking vanishes like poof. It takes me a long time to get comfortable with new people, and it’s even harder when there’s more than one person. My symptoms are so intense that sometimes I can’t concentrate on literally anything, I can't write my name, I can't add numbers in my head, and my vision gets bad and blurry.
I have managed to hide this well, but I am ready to try and get rid of these symptoms, because I will soon be starting work and I dont want to leave a bad impression on my colleagues. I've had people laugh or give strange looks at my behaviouclumsiness before and it felt sooo bad. Is anyone experiencing the same things? Is this anxiety? Am I sick? Is there something wrong with me? Can I get rid of this? Can social interactions ever be fun and not scary? Can I trick myself into enjoying social interactions? I want to clarify that I also have some days(unfortunately, not many) when I have none of the symptoms but I don't do anything different and I feel soo good. Does anyone know why?

Tired. Tired of the fact that the older I get the worse I feel, and I mean day by day. I’m tired of anytime I feel bored I get suicidal. I’m tired of feeling suicidal when things don’t work out and feel as heavy as grief. I’m tired of looking like a person whose skin is dressed in sadness, self anger and insecurity in my own mind. I’m not insecure about my body no, I’m talking about my mind. The truama where anytime I get reminded of something hing even if it’s good I get such nostalgia to where I get sad, and so sad that I could cry, then I’m mad that I’m sad about something thing so minuscule. I am over it. I’m over wanting to die so bad and make it all stop to the point where I’m hitting my legs and shaking and about to throw up (sometimes do). I’m tired of only feeling normal when I’m drunk, high and listening to loud music. I’m tired of self harming and just taking vacations from it and thinking I made it. I’m over life. But I love my fiancé… you saw all my problems and see i have a fiancé? How does that make you feel about me? Show all the stigma, tell me I must be abusive, call me crazy and say I’m horrible to be with. But, realize the Dark and empty truth of internalized bpd, no body sees it, not even person closest to you. That is where it stands. No matter what it’s like your mouth is taped shut or even… sown shut. You can scream and scream and try and dig for an answer for the question… “what’s wrong?”, but yet again you break down, feel guilty and just say “it was just a trigger don’t worry my love” and let the demons lurk in your mind, snarling and cackling at the fact that, you in fact stayed quiet just, as they, told you to. But you listened to them and stayed quiet, just like when you were little and they shut you out, just like when you were told to shut up and just take it, just like all the other times in your rotten excuse of “childhood” when they neglected and sexually abused so hard that it caused you to just shut up and stay quiet. Like as if they made a personalized robot, from hell. But here we are, looking normal as can be on the outside, but hurting so bad that people just don’t see. “Oh I’m sorry, was I zoning out? I’m okay I’m sorry I must’ve just been thinking about something important, but I forgot. Let’s just watch that movie you wanted to watch!” And you sit there with the sadness bleeding onto your skin like you just got away with a murder but somehow no one noticed. And your left, just a diagnosis, just a person who no one will listen to because at the end of the day, everyone has problems! Right?

I replied to a post the other day and received some requests to share more about my story as to how I grew my annual earnings from 28k to 750k, and my net worth from a starting point of being in debt to what is now on track to be $10M+ when I retire early in a few years at 55. This happened slowly but steadily over the course of a 30 year career. I replied that my story was not very exciting, and that I’m not sure how replicable or relevant it is, but I am happy to share it here in hopes there is some value for someone.
TLDR version: Get in the door at a big company, climb the corporate ladder, don’t let lifestyle creep sabotage your path to FIRE, invest all you can along the way for the long term.
More detailed version for anyone interested:
I grew up lower middle class. Far from poverty, but we didn’t have a lot. As a kid, I wanted more and set very specific goals towards finding ways to make money and to one day retire early. I didn’t know any successful people, but figured it starts with going to college. No one else in my family had done that, but I went off to a state school and put myself through 4 years to get a Bachelors in Business Wanted to try something entrepreneurially after, but couldn’t afford to and needed to get a job to start paying back the loans.
I had read every career and business book I could get my hands on. The job search strategy I chose was to get hired in an entry level role at a branch of a Fortune 500 company and work my way up, or leave in a few years and apply what I had learned to my own business. I got a couple interviews but wasn’t getting hired because I lacked experience.
Sales seemed to be the best place to start from what I had read, and I ended up getting hired in a sales job at a small company earning $28k. Once I had a year of experience I again started applying to big companies. I don’t want to get into what company or specific field I’m in, but it’s not FAANG / tech, not healthcare, and not banking/finance. I really don’t think industry/field matters as much as size of company does. Big, publicly held corporations benchmark compensation levels and tend to structure pay similarly to be competitive.
Also, everyone says pick a field you are passionate about. That’s great advice, but I think the culture of the company matters most. I targeted large, growing industries and researched company culture. Speaking to people first hand instead of relying on online reviews, which often have negative bias. My 21 year old logic was to work backwards - big successful companies with a good culture will have the most opportunities for me to grow, advance and earn more over time.
I finally got in the door and landed a sales job at a small district of a Fortune 500, making 60k. I outperformed my peer group and built a name for myself internally and externally in the market over my first 2 years. By now I was making 80k and ready to move up, but there were not any openings expected anytime soon. Around this time, I got recruited by a different company as a manager and accepted. My comp jumped to 130k. More importantly, this company was performing better, had a better culture, and had more internal opportunities. I made it known I was here to grow and make contributions to the business, and wanted to advance. Management liked the enthusiasm and I delivered on results. I also constantly invested in my own professional development. I learned everything about our customers and competitors, and brought forward ideas and strategies to stay ahead of the game. A few more years of this, and I moved out of sales and into other departments to learn more about the business and grow my experience - Operations, Marketing, etc.
25 years and a series of promotions later I was promoted to be one of a handful of Vice Presidents running the company. There are obviously a lot of variables and this path isn’t for everyone, and it’s up to you what applies for you. For me, the themes that worked were: Out work and outperform others. Keep a positive attitude. Seek mentorship. Be a lifelong learner. Build relationships at all levels of the company - treat everyone the same regardless of position or title. Be quick to adapt to constantly changing environments. And most importantly, never comprise your integrity. It’s everything you have. Performance is only table stakes. You need a good attitude and people skills to go with it if you’re going to advance. High performance gets you exposure to upper management, and how you show up in those exposures becomes your image over time. Image carries the most weight for promotions based on studies. It’s up to you to manage yours.
Outside of work, my wife stayed home and we raised our family very comfortably on my growing salary. We lived well but didn’t spend any more when I made 750k than we did at 200k. We paid off all debt as soon as possible, including our house, allowing us to maximize the amount we were able to invest over a long time period.
I hope that aspects of this are helpful to some of you. Happy to answer any questions here but no private messages please. Too many scams. Best regards.

Hopefully this isn’t downvoted instantly, because I know people seem to get strangely very defensive about Beast’s characterization in this run. I think there is a lot of miscommunication whenever a Beast fan complains about how he was depicted here. Often times people will discount those complaints because they think Beast fans just don’t want him to go bad, when that doesn’t really seem to be the whole truth from what I’ve seen. Ultimately, the complaints I raise and I have seen others raise are more about thinking the writing of his spiral in X-Force 2019 was not done well rather than that said spiral shouldn’t have happened at all. With the Krakoa era coming to an end, and “From the Ashes” having the now-rebooted Beast who is pulled all the way from his time on The Defenders, I don’t see any of the flaws here being addressed beyond characters casually referring to how bad he became. So I wanted to take this time in the in-between, where our new Beast is apparently just chilling on Wonder Man’s couch while the rest of the X-Men fight against Orchis and Nimrod, to once and for all lay out the flaws of Beast’s villainous era, and establish not that it shouldn’t have happened, but that it could have been way better.
Problem 1: A Lack of Pathos:
Most X-Men fans who have been reading for awhile will agree that it’s honestly surprising more mutants haven’t gone down a dark path. Their history is one of striving for acceptance, putting their lives on the line for people who would rather see them dead, and being rewarded with not one but multiple genocides on their population. Some of the most interesting stories can actually come from a formally “upstanding” mutant finally deciding enough is enough. When Cyclops went down his “villainous” path, it made a lot of sense. We’d seen him becoming more disenfranchised with the dream for years. We’d seen his trust in Xavier erode time and time again, and so when he decided to stop asking for acceptance and start demanding it, it was hard to blame him. Even as we saw most of his friends turn against him, that didn’t stop people from declaring “Cyclops Was Right,” because his perspective could easily be understood, and he did achieve results. More recently in X-Men ‘97, we saw Rogue go down a dark path in the wake of Genosha being wiped out, including Magneto and Gambit. Again, this was understood, and it was an interesting direction for her character.
This sort of turn would also make a ton of sense for Hank McCoy. Did you know that back towards the start of the original Uncanny X-Men run, Hank was actually the first X-Men we ever saw to leave the team and say that Magneto was right, after he and Bobby were attacked by an angry mob because Hank used his powers to save a young child? Over the years, one of Hank’s most recurring struggles and arcs is self-loathing and eventual acceptance of his condition. Hank has always been at his darkest when he’s trapped in his spiral of self-loathing, but when he comes out the other side, he tends to be one of the most optimistic mutants when it comes to coexistence with humans. He was out making connections and fighting alongside non-mutants before anyone else. Joining the Avengers and Defenders, speaking on behalf of mutant rights before congress, dating human women who were able to accept his appearance, blue fur and all. Until they weren’t… looking at you, Trish Tilby.
So with all of this in mind, it would honestly be an extremely interesting arc to see Hank, this optimistic mutant who has spent his life building bridges and making connections with humanity, to be slowly beaten down and start to believe peace is not an option. As one of the original X-Men, he has been there through every tragedy that struck the mutant population. And as one of the smartest X-Men, he has usually been at the center of these crises. He has seen advancements in science meant to eradicate the mutants. He has fought against viruses that threaten to drive them extinct. He was there in the wreckage of Genosha. He has seen countless friends killed again and again. He has suffered his own mutation evolving and making him less and less human-looking. He saw the development of a mutant “cure” and was tempted to take it. He has seen it all.
And so that brings us to Krakoa. This is the moment where the mutants as a whole decided enough was enough. If they could not be accepted by humanity, they would pack up and form their own nation, and they would force humanity to accept that they exist by developing life-saving drugs that other nations would have to rely on. And what is one of the first things that happens after the establishment of Krakoa? Hank witnesses assassins infiltrate the island and assassinate Charles Xavier. This right here is honestly the perfect setup for Hank to go darker than he has before. Even after literally segregating the mutant population from humanity, like humanity seemed to want, they still decided to come and kill the man at the forefront of the movement. And Hank, recently placed in charge of mutant black-ops, would likely see that all options are on the table.
Unfortunately, Hank’s actual pathos surrounding the decisions he would go on to make is not explored by the book itself. The book has no interest in detailing Hank’s fall from grace as we saw with Cyclops before him. The book just wants us to accept that Hank has already fallen. And in fact, according to the writing, maybe he never had anywhere to fall from. Any time a character in X-Force tries to ask important questions to understand Hank’s thought process, they are cut off. Usually by Wolverine saying “He’s always been like this.” And then on one occasion, when Wolverine asked Hank why he was doing all this dark shit, Hank said, “Didn’t you read the script? I’ve always been like this.” There is no attempt to examine Hank as a character. We don’t need to know why Hank makes the decisions he does, because this book wants Hank to be a black and white villain and so that’s what he will be. Why? Because he’s always been like this.
Problem 2: Rapid Escalation:
One of the major defenses people have when it comes to Krakoan Hank is that he has apparently been on the road to his villainous self for over a decade. The X-Force run itself loved to have characters spout a list of Hank’s previous “crimes” without any context involved, as justification for why he was acting the way he did in the current run. The problem is, that context is very important. Because it shows the disparity in the Hank of previous stories who made mistakes with good intentions vs the Hank of X-Force who did heinous shit because he wanted to. This was less a plane making a slow descent and more a plane that was slowly descending, but then its engines shut off and it plummeted into a fiery explosion.
To make this case, we need to briefly analyze the previous perceived transgressions of Hank McCoy to show what they actually meant for his character and how they differ from the Bond villain X-Force would present us with. Let’s start with Threnody. Somehow, Threnody became a bit of a buzzword for the beginning of the end for Hank. When people talk about the history of Hank and Threnody, they will usually present it as one of Hank’s worst sins, saying something like “Hank callously handed Threnody over to Mr. Sinister so he could experiment on and abuse her!!!” It kind of makes for some whiplash when you actually read the Threnody story people are talking about. Here is a brief rundown of what actually happens:
Threnody is a young woman who cannot control her powers. It causes her no end of grief, and when we are introduced to her, she is homeless and constantly in danger of hurting herself or others. Beast, Rogue, and Iceman come across Threnody who has been found first by Mr. Sinister. Sinister actually has a vested interest in curing the Legacy Virus, and believes he can help Threnody master her powers, at which point she will prove vital in his efforts to study said Virus. Notably, Threnody wants to go with Sinister here. While Rogue disapproves, Hank does believe that Sinister is actually Threnody’s best option, openly stating Sinister can actually help her gain control and the X-Men cannot, because, as Hank directly says, Sinister is willing to damn parts of his soul in pursuit of scientific enlightenment, and the X-Men are not. A few issues later, when breaking into Sinister’s base, Hank encounters Threnody again. She’s happy. Sinister did indeed help her control her powers, and she has been able to use her abilities to help mutants the world over, while also undermining Sinister’s more evil operations from the inside. Hank expresses relief, saying he was kept up at night by his decision to let her go with Sinister, but Threnody actually thanks him for letting her. And that’s it. That’s Hank’s big “crime” here.
Hank’s other “sins” are also of varying levels of severity. There’s the time “Hank worked with his evil self to cure the Legacy Virus!” when the actual story in question is Hank asserting that he won’t stoop to the levels of Dark Beast and compromise his values in the name of science. There’s the time “Hank sided with the Inhumans against the X-Men!” when the actual story is Storm sending Hank to Attilan to find a way to end the conflict between mutants and inhumans before war broke out. Hank runs out of time to find a cure for the terrigen mist cloud, suggests mutants get off-world in the meantime rather than go to war with the inhumans, is thrown into a cell by the other X-Men for his “betrayal”, and then freed at the conclusion of the war by a repentant Storm when it comes to light that the whole conflict was manipulated by Emma Frost. There’s the time “Hank risked the timestream by bringing the original X-Men to the present day!” A decision that was made on his perceived deathbed with the hopes of bringing his old friend Cyclops back to his side. Hank wants to take the young mutants back right away, but they refuse. And instead of others enforcing that they need to return, we actually see Kitty Pride decide to lead them in the present in memory of Charles Xavier. Notably, Kitty would be one of the many mutants in future issues who would yell at Hank about this.
The point of this post isn’t to absolve Hank of all fault. He has made countless mistakes and bad decisions. Regardless of the culpability of others, the pulling of the O5 to the present was his decision. During Secret Empire, Hank would turn a blind eye to Hydra’s activity simply to keep the mutants under his care safe. During all of this, however, Hank’s character was not compromised. He expressed despair and regret over his worse choices, and struggled with thinking he was a good person any longer. Again, going back to his recurring struggle with self-loathing. He had pathos behind his decisions and how they affected him, and would often reunite with Wonder Man as an opportunity to recenter and declare he would “be better tomorrow than he was yesterday.”
You would think, if the aim of X-Force was to turn Hank into a full-on villain, it would take advantage of the long-form storytelling of comics to chronicle that escalation. Like I said, the assassination of Charles Xavier is a great starting point for Hank to start going darker than he ever has before. The problem is, we don’t get an escalation. Hank starts the run by doing some of the most heinous shit imaginable. Regardless of your thoughts on the severity of Hank’s previous mistakes, none of them compare to his opening volley in this run. Hank uses telefloronics to override and genocide an entire country, leaving various people either completely dead or braindead. We later find out that during this time he also established a space station where he ran unethical experiments on prisoners like Krakoa’s very own Dr. Mengele. He then accuses his old ally Colossus of conspiring with Russia against Krakoa, and calls forth the mutant population to witness as he parades a shamed Colossus through its streets. Then he kills Wolverine and resurrects him as a mindless animal who he uses as an attack dog against his perceived enemies. This isn’t an escalation, this is a different character. And the aforementioned lack of pathos means that we don’t get to see him struggle with these choices. We don’t see his thought process as he becomes darker and darker. Why would we? “He’s always been like this.”
Problem 3: No Personality:
One of the most fun aspects of turning a protagonist into an antagonist is seeing how their personality works with a more villainous mindset. When Cyclops became an “antagonist” to the X-Men, he was still Cyclops. He stuck to his convictions, he was a great leader and tactician, and he was able to turn many mutants to his side because of this. We’ve seen an evil Beast before. The creatively-named Dark Beast is from an alternate future where Beast went down a dark path lacking ethics. The fun of this character, besides comparing his ideologies with our Hank McCoy, is seeing how Hank’s penchant for jokes or quotes now become far more sinister and cutting.
There’s a strange narrative that the jokey Hank is reserved for the Avengers while the Hank with the X-Men is all business and science. This isn’t entirely true. Early on when he was a member of the Defenders, Hank talks about this sort of thing. He essentially says that he wears different hats. While working with the X-Men, he used big words essentially to gain respect from both his teammates and humanity. But with other teams, and in his then-new furry form, he dropped all of that. His speech became more naturalistic and he was much more of a goofball. The thing is, it’s the speech patterns that truly change depending on who Hank is hanging with, not his personality. Hank with the X-Men and Hank with the Avengers are both jovial characters who like to tell jokes and quote philosophy. You can see Hank being a bit of a clown among the X-Men in various runs. So it’s not like it’s a given that Hank is some entirely different dry doctor devoid of any sense of humor when among the X-Men.
But this is how Hank is portrayed in X-Force. Part of why this version of Hank is so hard to reconcile with the rest of his history for fans of the character is that he just doesn’t act like himself, even when he isn’t actively committing war crimes. In one early issue of the run, we get a glimpse at Beast’s journal where he accounts a meeting he had with Forge. Now, Beast has been known to be a very physical character. He is often known to sweep others into a hug, or even plant a big kiss on their face in the case of characters like Wonder Man or Iceman. Meanwhile this one page where we read his thoughts on Forge is clearly pretending this is not the case:

I paid Forge a visit in the Armory – and I must say that he can be, like Logan, rather impossible. There is a certain locker room bravado about him I find perplexing, like a language I only half understand. For instance, he refused to shake my hand but instead dragged me into what he called a “bro hug.” Then he challenged me to a “feat of strength,” asking if I would test out this sappy “muck bomb” he had developed that – or so I gather – glues one in place. He wondered if a “big boy” like me might be able to thrash free of the binding. I refused him and said I very much would prefer to get down to business. He then referred to me as a “bookish peckerwood @#$%” but did so with a friendly laugh and clapped me on the shoulder hard enough to make me stagger. I’m not sure how to process this, honestly. Is he being friendly or cruel? Is it possible to be both?

Needless to say, this doesn’t read like Beast. It reads like an android that has never before felt human emotion. I remember before reading this I was theorizing that Hank had been switched with Dark Beast once more to explain his sudden escalation, but after this I realized that couldn’t be the case. Because this sounds like neither Beast nor Dark Beast. Dark Beast understood how to properly write Hank as a villain. He doesn’t suddenly become your typical made scientist devoid of emotion, humor, or basic human understanding. He still makes jokes that are now cruel. He still quotes literature in a way that paints him as a god among men. Hank going bad can be a fun read, but this run was not.
Problem 4: No One Cares:
Another important angle to consider when writing a story of a good person breaking bad is how it affects those around them. Those who are close friends to the person and find themselves disturbed by their current actions. Again, I return to Cyclops. Regardless of where you stand on if he was right or not, he was very much positioned as an antagonist to the mutants at the Jean Grey School for Higher Learning. Yet we see various friends of Cyclops still caring for him and wanting to pull him back from what they perceive as the dark side. Like I previously said, Beast’s whole reason for messing with the timeline was because he felt he was going to die and wanted to try to appeal to his old friend and bring him back around before he passed on. When someone good goes bad, part of the emotional core is seeing former friends try to appeal to their better nature, and even eventually deciding they’ve gone too far to turn back.
Not so with Hank in X-Force. Like I said, this run posits that this is not any kind of heel turn for Hank. This is how he’s always been. “Hank this isn’t you!” “No, he’s always been like this.” “Hank, turn back before it’s too late!” “Turn back where? He’s always been like this.” None of Hank’s friends give a shit. Hank’s best friend amongst the X-Men is Bobby Drake, Iceman, and we never once see any kind of confrontation there. Cyclops and Angel similarly doesn’t care. Now you could argue this is because X-Force is a secretive organization. Bobby and Scott don’t even know what Hank is doing. There are two issues with this. First, things reach a point where they would know. Hank’s actions become public knowledge, and Wolverine goes off to hunt him down while the rest of the X-Men just kinda look the other way. And second, there is someone with a lot of history with Hank that was a part of X-Force and did see everything that was going on. Jean Grey.
But we never get to see Jean wonder what’s happened to her close friend. Jean who was always incredibly close to Hank. Jean who, it was confirmed during the All-New X-Men era, had mutual feelings for Hank and might have started dating him had things been different. But no, Jean, like every character in this run, accepts that Hank has always been like this. That’s the answer to everything. So instead of some kind of emotional confrontation where she tries to appeal to his better nature, we instead have Jean yell at Hank, use her powers to throw him against a wall, and quit X-Force. And then most recently, we see her tell Firestar without hesitation to throw Hank under the bus for any heat that comes her way from her undercover mission. Because everyone will believe Hank is responsible for all the bad shit. Who the hell cares about Hank? According to this run, no one.
Conclusion:
I hope you can see the larger issue here. When Beast fans complain about his Krakoan era, people assume they just don’t want to see their favorite do bad things. But it’s practically accepted at this point in comics that most heroes will have a villain arc. Hell, Iceman is the only one of the original five X-Men who hasn’t gone down a dark path at this point. The problem is that everything about the writing of Hank during this time was just not done well. There is no exploration of Hank’s descent into villainy, and any questioning down that line is immediately shut down by the assertion that this is just who he’s always been. There isn’t any slow escalation because his first move is genocide. Hank is not even written as himself during this era, but rather as a generic bond villain. And none of Hank’s former close friends even show any emotion about his turn to villainy. An evil Hank story could easily work. We saw it with Dark Beast. A story where the former optimistic member of the X-Men has been beaten down so many times that he takes on a “whatever it takes” mentality could be interesting and emotionally resonant as we both understand what drove him here yet hate the man he’s become. But that isn’t what we got. We got a run that wrote him as a complete stranger and then had all the characters tell the reader that they were wrong for ever thinking he was anyone else.