How do you make flip flops with bows
whitepeoplegifs
2012.11.06 00:46 ClintonHarvey whitepeoplegifs
Bring your strongest sunscreen, it's about to get bright.
2012.10.30 03:46 FarSizzle Make New Friends Here
This subreddit is for those who are looking to make some new friends on Reddit.
2018.09.12 02:33 MasterOfTrolls4 Chonkers
http://redd.it/1476ioa
2024.05.21 15:23 HairyBalds My current rating on the game and ideas for improvement.
8/10.
Very good step in the right direction but definitely room for improvement. If I was king of Blizzard here is what I would change:
DIFFICULTY:
ITEMS:
submitted by HairyBalds to diablo4 [link] [comments]
Very good step in the right direction but definitely room for improvement. If I was king of Blizzard here is what I would change:
DIFFICULTY:
- Lower exp gain by ~10-15%. Leveling feels just a bit too fast for my taste.
- Slightly increase overall monster damage & health in World Tiers 2-4. Game feels a bit too easy In all non-pit activities. World Tier 1 should be the "easy" mode for that audience, not the whole game levels 1-100.
- Greatly increase World Boss damage and health in World Tiers 2-4. They get melted in ~5 seconds, very anti-climactic.
- Make the Capstone dungeons a little more challanging to complete. I easily cleared them while being ~15 levels underleveled, without focusing too much on my geaaspects.
- Make Profane Mindcages a permanent thing, and have them apply to ALL overworld activities. 3 different potions available to craft: 1) increase enemy levels by 10. 2) increase enemy levels by 25. 3) increase enemy levels by 50.
- More random mini bosses from previous Diablo games spawning in dungeons, like the Butcher. I'd like to see Blood Raven yell "join my army of the dead", summon some zombies and destroy me with an her bow & arrow.
- Add scattered prisms into the Legion loot chests. Nobody does legions anymore, but maybe this would make legions worthwhile when you're low on prisms.
ITEMS:
- Improve the aspects on less used Uniques. The update was great, but lots of uniques are very bad compared to legendary now due to lack of tempering. Frostburn for example: "Lucky hit: up to 25% chance to freeze enemies" can be improved to "Lucky hit: up to 25% chance to freeze enemies. Deal 10% (x) more damage to frozen enemies." ...small changes to make these items somewhat usable.
- Set items (don't increase damage by 1000% like D3), but id like to chase sets that are usable but not super OP. I'd like cool auras/transmogs for completing the set. Tal Rasha/IK set Aura's were so cool in D2. Transforming into a vampire when you completed the Trang-Ouls set in D2 was so freaking cool as well. I'd like to see more stuff like that.
- Id like to see a new rare legendary item type called "Jeweler's helm" or "Jeweler's axe" etc.... they would have no aspects or affixs (except innate affixs) but they would drop with 2-6 sockets on them. This would lead to...
- RUNEWORDS! I'd like to be able to find ultra rare runes and put them into ideal "Jeweler's" bases with the right innate affixs and slot numbers and make cool Runewords. That is all :)
2024.05.21 15:22 Ok_Ad5948 Dannielle’s favorite pattern reemerging 🤣 New wife almost official? Throw wrench! 🔧
We’ve been going back through old seasons, watching only the merryfields (bc what’s the point of watching anyone else, they’re all off the show now🤣) anyway, noticed a pretty hilarious pattern. In season 4 after Garrick & Roberta are very much official (already “trying for babies”🥴) & had been approved for the k1 visa & everything, but it seemed like Bert was dragging her feet, probably cause she has a brain, but she said it was cause her mom needed her at the time.
Anyway! Ick blurts out that DANNIELLE had decided during this time to continue looking for a third, that’s when she finds Leah & Leah flies out and we see how unhappy that makes Roberta. Dannielle makes the comment that Roberta’s very jealous but she’ll have to deal with it if she wants this life! As we know, Garrick kissing Leah & them continuing to search before Bert could even get acclimated ends up causing a big blowup fight & in the end was probably the straw that broke the camels back.
Fast forward to present time with Nathalia, things are pretty official & before she can even make it to the US, Dannielle magically meets a new “friend” who’s now a potential sister wife, Miriam. Dannielle says Nathalia is very unhappy about this & wants nothing to do with her until it gets serious which is basically the stance Roberta took. Idk if it would’ve been so glaringly similar to me if I hadn’t just watched that episode yesterday but literally Dannielle’s verbiage is the exact same. “We can’t just put our life on hold, we have to keep looking!” As we can see from the sneak peak of next weeks episode, this’ll most likely be the catalyst in ending their relationship.
At this point I’m waiting for a wink & a bow from Dannielle cause she’s orchestrating everything & she knows exactly what she’s doing 🤣 you guys should go back to season 4 & find the episode with Leah, it’s so identical it’s almost comical!
submitted by Ok_Ad5948 to seekingsisterwifetlc [link] [comments]
Anyway! Ick blurts out that DANNIELLE had decided during this time to continue looking for a third, that’s when she finds Leah & Leah flies out and we see how unhappy that makes Roberta. Dannielle makes the comment that Roberta’s very jealous but she’ll have to deal with it if she wants this life! As we know, Garrick kissing Leah & them continuing to search before Bert could even get acclimated ends up causing a big blowup fight & in the end was probably the straw that broke the camels back.
Fast forward to present time with Nathalia, things are pretty official & before she can even make it to the US, Dannielle magically meets a new “friend” who’s now a potential sister wife, Miriam. Dannielle says Nathalia is very unhappy about this & wants nothing to do with her until it gets serious which is basically the stance Roberta took. Idk if it would’ve been so glaringly similar to me if I hadn’t just watched that episode yesterday but literally Dannielle’s verbiage is the exact same. “We can’t just put our life on hold, we have to keep looking!” As we can see from the sneak peak of next weeks episode, this’ll most likely be the catalyst in ending their relationship.
At this point I’m waiting for a wink & a bow from Dannielle cause she’s orchestrating everything & she knows exactly what she’s doing 🤣 you guys should go back to season 4 & find the episode with Leah, it’s so identical it’s almost comical!
2024.05.21 15:06 dissociativedays How to be okay going no-contact when the guilt is eating me alive?
I was considering going no-contact with my family minus a brother I’m close to 3 years ago and was almost out until my father died in a freak accident and I got roped back in. My sister has spent the last 30 years making my life a living hell and my parents never stuck up for me or protected me from her. My mother, now alone, is terrified of her. We had a shitty childhood and all have different survival tactics, but after going to therapy for four years now, I’ve gotten away from those and surround myself with happy, healthy, amazing, supportive people. In regard to family, I keep my distance when I can (living 3.5 hours away helps), but often am the one everyone turns to when shit goes sideways to fix everything, calm people down, figure out what to do next. I’m tired of it, especially now realizing no one does the same for me.
I recently got married and had a 40 person head count, with 38 yeses. After a bunch of random crap, 13 of my 20 invitees flaked 3 days to 2 hours before the party, all of which were very, very close family members including a brother and two of my BILs. Had I known this, with ample timing, I would have invited more friends who WOULD have shown, but due to family taking up so much of the headcount, I couldn’t extend invites to them all. I vented to my mother who said at least I have my sister coming, who I said was only invited since the others were and she has never been nice to me or my husband - which my mother agreed with and said was a self-centered survival thing. I said she should learn a little kindness which would get her far. She despises my husband, who is genuinely as nice as can be, even to a fault. Doesn’t have a bad bone in his body, god bless him. But he supports me and loves me and we do well off each other and thrive, which she doesn’t like. Other siblings have commented on the fact she treats him so poorly when he is nothing but so kind to her.
Come party, 2 hours in and she’s nowhere to be seen. We’re waiting around to cut cakes since her household consisted of 5 people and we didn’t want to have people randomly walk in on it and ruin the photographs, miss the momentous moment, etc. My brother gets in touch with her and relays the message that I’m a monster, I’m childish and horrible and never welcome her to anything and I’m irrelevant and no one likes me which is why everyone bailed on me and I should be embarrassed. The only person I said those things to was my mother (who couldn’t come to party due to health reasons). I spent a majority of my wedding party crying on a fire escape because I was so upset by her words, so upset that everyone bailed, and so upset I didn’t follow my gut inviting other friends who would have come over obligatory family invites. I blocked my sister and her friend who joined in on her meanness. She has taken to emailing and texting me under spoof emails and phone numbers. Calling me irrelevant, embarrassing, disgusting, ugly, childish, greedy, no one showed up because they don’t like me, never been liked, etc.
My mother has spoken to her, but hasn’t reached out to me since the party when I said I was hurt at what she shared in confidence and need to think about what I want from this family anymore. My mother swears she went through her phone and saw the messages, but other parts of her (mothers) story don’t align. My mother historically has victim mindset over everything and could do no wrong. I try to do nothing but support my mother but she can never ever see how she’s in the wrong - ever. For example, she put her electric bill under my name and SS and defaulted on it for years. When I called her out on it after the company started reaching out to me, she said it’s always been like this, I didn’t say anything years ago so what’s the difference now, she’s doing no wrong and if I want her to go without electric and ruin the family then by all means go ahead and shut it off if I want.
I’m hurt, I’m upset. My husband has been amazing, but he doesn’t have any family that we could lean on ever. I’m torn between going fully no contact between my siblings who enable my sister, my mother who is emotionally abusive and enables her and doesn’t protect the rest of us, and calling it a day. Or going no contact with siblings, low contact with my mother, and never returning until they get their shit together and go to therapy. I just don’t know what is best anymore since I know my mom will never stand up to her. Family is all I’ve ever really had outside a close knit group of 3 friends, so it’s hard to go from everything to nothing in the blink of an eye.
Ever since my dad died and my sister took over, I have felt like I don’t have a spot in the family anymore. My sisters best friend of 15 years has always wanted to be apart of our big family since she had a dysfunctional one herself, and joins us on family vacations, Christmas, every waking moment. She is just as bad as my sister, and my sister is her only friend so she bows down to her. Since dad died, it’s like my sister and her friend don’t want me in the family and want to give the bff my daughter spot and to ostracize me. All of this is making me spiral and spiral and spiral. I haven’t been this bad mentally in a really, REALLY long time and it’s triggering me a lot.
I feel like as a woman, I’m held to a different caliber than the others. My brothers could do whatever they damn well please, and they do, and everyone turns a blind eye. With my sister being the oldest, she gets the same treatment. I am overwhelmed with what this family puts me through. My husband doesn’t have any family anymore for us to lean on, spend holidays with, etc. How do you move on? How do you find peace? How do you be okay with the fact nothing will ever change in this dynamic so it’s all or nothing?
FWIW - have an amazing therapist, amazing support group. Am ok, just sad and upset.
submitted by dissociativedays to raisedbynarcissists [link] [comments]
I recently got married and had a 40 person head count, with 38 yeses. After a bunch of random crap, 13 of my 20 invitees flaked 3 days to 2 hours before the party, all of which were very, very close family members including a brother and two of my BILs. Had I known this, with ample timing, I would have invited more friends who WOULD have shown, but due to family taking up so much of the headcount, I couldn’t extend invites to them all. I vented to my mother who said at least I have my sister coming, who I said was only invited since the others were and she has never been nice to me or my husband - which my mother agreed with and said was a self-centered survival thing. I said she should learn a little kindness which would get her far. She despises my husband, who is genuinely as nice as can be, even to a fault. Doesn’t have a bad bone in his body, god bless him. But he supports me and loves me and we do well off each other and thrive, which she doesn’t like. Other siblings have commented on the fact she treats him so poorly when he is nothing but so kind to her.
Come party, 2 hours in and she’s nowhere to be seen. We’re waiting around to cut cakes since her household consisted of 5 people and we didn’t want to have people randomly walk in on it and ruin the photographs, miss the momentous moment, etc. My brother gets in touch with her and relays the message that I’m a monster, I’m childish and horrible and never welcome her to anything and I’m irrelevant and no one likes me which is why everyone bailed on me and I should be embarrassed. The only person I said those things to was my mother (who couldn’t come to party due to health reasons). I spent a majority of my wedding party crying on a fire escape because I was so upset by her words, so upset that everyone bailed, and so upset I didn’t follow my gut inviting other friends who would have come over obligatory family invites. I blocked my sister and her friend who joined in on her meanness. She has taken to emailing and texting me under spoof emails and phone numbers. Calling me irrelevant, embarrassing, disgusting, ugly, childish, greedy, no one showed up because they don’t like me, never been liked, etc.
My mother has spoken to her, but hasn’t reached out to me since the party when I said I was hurt at what she shared in confidence and need to think about what I want from this family anymore. My mother swears she went through her phone and saw the messages, but other parts of her (mothers) story don’t align. My mother historically has victim mindset over everything and could do no wrong. I try to do nothing but support my mother but she can never ever see how she’s in the wrong - ever. For example, she put her electric bill under my name and SS and defaulted on it for years. When I called her out on it after the company started reaching out to me, she said it’s always been like this, I didn’t say anything years ago so what’s the difference now, she’s doing no wrong and if I want her to go without electric and ruin the family then by all means go ahead and shut it off if I want.
I’m hurt, I’m upset. My husband has been amazing, but he doesn’t have any family that we could lean on ever. I’m torn between going fully no contact between my siblings who enable my sister, my mother who is emotionally abusive and enables her and doesn’t protect the rest of us, and calling it a day. Or going no contact with siblings, low contact with my mother, and never returning until they get their shit together and go to therapy. I just don’t know what is best anymore since I know my mom will never stand up to her. Family is all I’ve ever really had outside a close knit group of 3 friends, so it’s hard to go from everything to nothing in the blink of an eye.
Ever since my dad died and my sister took over, I have felt like I don’t have a spot in the family anymore. My sisters best friend of 15 years has always wanted to be apart of our big family since she had a dysfunctional one herself, and joins us on family vacations, Christmas, every waking moment. She is just as bad as my sister, and my sister is her only friend so she bows down to her. Since dad died, it’s like my sister and her friend don’t want me in the family and want to give the bff my daughter spot and to ostracize me. All of this is making me spiral and spiral and spiral. I haven’t been this bad mentally in a really, REALLY long time and it’s triggering me a lot.
I feel like as a woman, I’m held to a different caliber than the others. My brothers could do whatever they damn well please, and they do, and everyone turns a blind eye. With my sister being the oldest, she gets the same treatment. I am overwhelmed with what this family puts me through. My husband doesn’t have any family anymore for us to lean on, spend holidays with, etc. How do you move on? How do you find peace? How do you be okay with the fact nothing will ever change in this dynamic so it’s all or nothing?
FWIW - have an amazing therapist, amazing support group. Am ok, just sad and upset.
2024.05.21 15:01 Lunax101 Is she narcissistic or just a bad mom?
Hi all,
This is actually my first post on here. A little about myself I’m the eldest daughter (23yrs) in a brown household (love that for myself). I swear if I could be born again I’d love to be the youngest of the family (even thought I guess if someone’s narcissistic it doesn’t truly matter whether you’re the eldest or youngest)
Anyway, I’m currently in a country and I’m moving to the states and my mum and lil brother are staying there with my dad atm. My sister (18yrs) is busy with the most important exams of her high school(she’s in her last year) and me and my brother(he’s 22) just finished our university exams so we’re free! It’s just us 3 in this country rn and our flight back is in 30 days and we both need to sell all the extra stuff in the house that didn’t come with our rented house. We also need to pack all our clothes etc and clean this house.
So far I’m the only one who’s been working on selling stuff on Facebook marketplace and cleaning out cabinets in the kitchen and the garage etc. my brother spends the entire day on his computer playing games or watching anime. I don’t hate my brother but sometimes I get really close to it. If I was his mom I swear he would’ve long been disowned. He’s the most unclean person alive (he never cleans his own bathroom, he leaves his dishes in his room for me to come collect and clean, never picks up his own dirty clothes I have to do his laundry, I even had to clean his shoes after he went out yesterday simply because i couldn’t stand how dirty they were) I like to stay clean and keep the house clean too. The only reason he even leaves his room is to eat (Ofcourse I’m the one cooking)
The issue is my parents have both simply given up on him at this point which he uses to his advantage even more. He’s living his best life, goes out with his friends and doesn’t lift a finger in the house.
Despite all this my mum still calls me and gets mad at me for doing things too slowly and not putting everything up on Facebook marketplace quickly enough?! I’ve already sold two items on there but it takes a while to make sure the person coming to our house isn’t a creep. Yet, every time she calls all she talks about is how I’m not taking things seriously, how I’m so lazy, how I’ll pay for the flight tickets if I don’t sell everything beforehand. We needed to renew a card for travelling and there’s a long wait time on it (3 months) which I still applied for despite the wait but yesterday I found out that I could request it earlier if it’s an emergency with the flight details. However rather than being happy or thanking me for finding this out my mum simply gave out since I should’ve found this earlier and it’s my fault if we don’t get an appointment quickly enough.
My friends are all travelling and doing their own things in life and since this week is the last week they’re free they asked me to hang out but I can’t even tell my mom that “hey can I pls hang out with them one last time” because I just know she’ll flip. I’m so stressed about this whole situation and I literally feel so numb and sad all the time. I’m not a social person either but I wanna go out just to change my environment. I know so many people have it worse but ah I wish i could catch a break.
Even when I finally get to the states I know my parents are expecting me to work as soon as I get there. I just want a week off. Just to live my own life in peace and not stress about anything. What would you do if u were in my position?
submitted by Lunax101 to raisedbynarcissists [link] [comments]
This is actually my first post on here. A little about myself I’m the eldest daughter (23yrs) in a brown household (love that for myself). I swear if I could be born again I’d love to be the youngest of the family (even thought I guess if someone’s narcissistic it doesn’t truly matter whether you’re the eldest or youngest)
Anyway, I’m currently in a country and I’m moving to the states and my mum and lil brother are staying there with my dad atm. My sister (18yrs) is busy with the most important exams of her high school(she’s in her last year) and me and my brother(he’s 22) just finished our university exams so we’re free! It’s just us 3 in this country rn and our flight back is in 30 days and we both need to sell all the extra stuff in the house that didn’t come with our rented house. We also need to pack all our clothes etc and clean this house.
So far I’m the only one who’s been working on selling stuff on Facebook marketplace and cleaning out cabinets in the kitchen and the garage etc. my brother spends the entire day on his computer playing games or watching anime. I don’t hate my brother but sometimes I get really close to it. If I was his mom I swear he would’ve long been disowned. He’s the most unclean person alive (he never cleans his own bathroom, he leaves his dishes in his room for me to come collect and clean, never picks up his own dirty clothes I have to do his laundry, I even had to clean his shoes after he went out yesterday simply because i couldn’t stand how dirty they were) I like to stay clean and keep the house clean too. The only reason he even leaves his room is to eat (Ofcourse I’m the one cooking)
The issue is my parents have both simply given up on him at this point which he uses to his advantage even more. He’s living his best life, goes out with his friends and doesn’t lift a finger in the house.
Despite all this my mum still calls me and gets mad at me for doing things too slowly and not putting everything up on Facebook marketplace quickly enough?! I’ve already sold two items on there but it takes a while to make sure the person coming to our house isn’t a creep. Yet, every time she calls all she talks about is how I’m not taking things seriously, how I’m so lazy, how I’ll pay for the flight tickets if I don’t sell everything beforehand. We needed to renew a card for travelling and there’s a long wait time on it (3 months) which I still applied for despite the wait but yesterday I found out that I could request it earlier if it’s an emergency with the flight details. However rather than being happy or thanking me for finding this out my mum simply gave out since I should’ve found this earlier and it’s my fault if we don’t get an appointment quickly enough.
My friends are all travelling and doing their own things in life and since this week is the last week they’re free they asked me to hang out but I can’t even tell my mom that “hey can I pls hang out with them one last time” because I just know she’ll flip. I’m so stressed about this whole situation and I literally feel so numb and sad all the time. I’m not a social person either but I wanna go out just to change my environment. I know so many people have it worse but ah I wish i could catch a break.
Even when I finally get to the states I know my parents are expecting me to work as soon as I get there. I just want a week off. Just to live my own life in peace and not stress about anything. What would you do if u were in my position?
2024.05.21 14:55 Sea-Training2635 I’m tired of learning about Jews/Holocaust
I’m very sorry for anyone that I am about to offend but I am just so tired. Every year we learn about the Holocaust and something that has to with the Jewish community. I’m so tired of it. Jesus, I even had to write a 9 page essay about how the Holocaust was so bad and how everyone should feel bad for the Jewish community. Yes, I do feel very sorry about the Holocaust but every race or group of people have endured trauma in history. I always ask my teachers why we need to learn about this so much and they always say something along the lines of “We learn this to make sure it doesn’t happen again.” Yeah okay. If it were really for that reason then we would be learning about the other genocides and inhumanities in the world that are on going even to this day. I’m so fucking tired. Yes I get that the Holocaust was horrible and no one should have ever had to experience it but come on? This is a bit of a drag. I’ve spent most of my semester learning about it and “how much the Jewish have been through”. At this point it’s becoming annoying and I’m starting to not give a damn. Okay.. you are “God’s chosen people” good for you. That shouldn’t mean that everyone should bow bellow your feet because all groups deserves respect. One is not better than the other.
Anyways that all I have to say for now. And yes this is a throwaway because I am not going to deal with all the harassment and cries from the Zionist.
submitted by Sea-Training2635 to offmychest [link] [comments]
Anyways that all I have to say for now. And yes this is a throwaway because I am not going to deal with all the harassment and cries from the Zionist.
2024.05.21 13:57 maximusaemilius A cozy day with a tall chitin-armored alien girlfriend.
She got up in the dark, with only the dim ambience of soft blue lighting to accompany her. She stretched all four arms, her two legs, and rolled her neck. It struck her as mildly interesting in that moment, how something so small could connect them to humans, The thought was fleeting as she took another step forward to kneel down on the floor. There, in a little alcove in the wall, she had set a volcanic rock from Anin, dried moss, and other paraphernalia from her home world. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath resting her hands together.
Praise and respect to the spirits of Anin. Praise the fathers and mothers of war gone to their rest below the moss and the earth. Praise their spirits that watch from the sky and peer through the ether down upon us.
She continued the slow mantra in the style of Prayer learned from Naktan and pulled her concentration to her core, ignoring anything and everything around her. A deep state of meditation overtook her. She would never have done this if she thought there were any chance that she was in danger, but below she knew Earth glowed like a sphere before their orbiting ship. There was no worry of invasion.
She thought she heard something at one point, but chose to ignore it as she continued her mantra.
Eventually, and after an unknown amount of minutes, she stood and turned slowly to find-
She stopped, and crossed her arms over her chest.
"What are you doing?”
Adam burrowed his way further down into her blankets, nuzzling his head up against her pillow,
"So warm, and comfy!"
She tried not to smile,
"You dumbass."
He pulled the blankets tighter around himself,
"You know, I did come here to talk to you, but now I actually am really comfortable, so come back in two hours."
"I- This is MY home!"
He closed his eyes and pretended to snore loudly.
She rolled her eyes as she watched him theatrically pretend to sleep. She looked around mildly for a moment, before picking up another pillow and glancing at the door. She casually walked over, dropped the pillow on his head and then held it down as if she intended to smother him.
”Die human scum!”
That got him up and moving.
Before long the two of them were grappling for the upper hand, him trying to put her in a choke hold, and her using her lower arms to pinch him.
He yelped,
"Ouch! Pinching is illegal!”
"Sissy."
He clamped his legs around her lower arms, pinning them in place.
She struggled for a minute and then went limp.
She could feel his smug smile,
"I win, I beat the saint of Anin. Everyone bow at my feet."
"You say that, but if this were a real fight, since you’re a human male, you're the one with a self-destruct button."
"Self-destruct button...?"
"Meaning if this were a real fight, I would have punched you in the balls."
"Yaoooutch… Oh god… Please don't."
Finally, he let her go, leaving the two of them to lay on her bed, sheets scattered on the floor around them, and her pillows in disarray. Adam put his hands behind his head and sighed.
She glanced over at him,
"I don't suppose you came to just hang out. Here on Admiral-ly business?"
He groaned, pulling one of her pillows over his face,
"Please smother me for real this time."
She leaned up on one of her elbows,
"Why?"
"I don't wanna be an adult anymore!"
She tilted her head to the side, watching in amusement as he attempted to throw a childlike tantrum, but only really had the energy to kick his feet once,
"It's boring and lame and they won’t let me wear heelies to important meetings... also children don't have to pay taxes."
She laughed, pulling the pillow from his face,
"Adam you are many things, but 'adult' is not one of them."
He grinned slightly,
"True enough."
He sighed again and rested his head back against the pillows,
"I just want to get back to what we are supposed to be doing, exploring the universe and making cool alien friends."
He threw up his hands in frustration,
"But suddenly I find myself embroiled in stupid annoying politics that I don't understand, being used by people who are, let’s face it, WAY smarter than me, constantly finding myself getting manipulated."
She huffed,
"They aren't smarter than you Adam, they're just manipulative, and you aren't."
He sighed,
"Fair enough."
Then he looked at her, bright green eyes reflecting the soft ambient blue light,
"I just, I miss this, I miss us, I miss hanging out and doing stupid shit, and all of the things I could do when I wasn't so important and this operation was smaller."
She smiled rather sadly reaching one hand over for his, lacing the four of her fingers through the five of his,
"Well someone has to do the hard things, who better than you?”
He glanced over at her, raising an eyebrow,
"Or you, miss saint?”
She rolled her eyes again,
"Can't seem to get you off of that. I'm still the same person I used to be."
"But with power."
She elbowed him gently and he grinned,
"But really, I am proud and impressed and... Let's be honest super super smug that 'I' know you personally."
"I know, I am pretty terrific."
The two of them laughed for a minute before settling down again. He glanced over to her little shrine on the wall,
"What were you doing just then?"
She looked up at the ceiling, following the lines of metal and rivets with her eyes,
"Praying to the spirits of Anin."
Embarrassed, he shifted,
"I didn't know you were... Well I didn't think you were all that religious?"
She shrugged,
"Don't feel bad, it's sort of a new thing. Back before all this, it was sort of just stories to me. Like I believed it because that was what everyone believed, but I didn't really accept it, or feel it the way I do now. After everything with my mother, it was hard to feel connected to something I felt I wasn't a part of... But then after visiting my mother, after becoming a saint for a religion I never really followed... Well, it started to make more sense. It feels real now in a way that it never did."
She turned to look at him, finding him watching her, the UV blue stripes in his skin glowing blue.
"I believe in the spirits of Anin more than I ever have."
He smiled at her and squeezed her hand,
"I'm glad to hear it."
They lapsed into silence for a long moment, staring up at the ceiling before, inevitably he broke it,
"So this makes you like, space Moses right?”
She frowned and turned to look at him,
"What is a “Moses”?"
He grinned,
"A guy from one of the Earth Religions. You know, guy follows god's directions to lead his people away from slavery, climbs a mountain, receives the word of god, comes down to give it to the people, that sort of thing."
Sunny tilted her head slightly to the side,
"Are you religious?"
He paused, frowning,
"I... well I... don't really know. My family has been some flavor of Christian for a long time."
"Christian?"
"Uh yeah, the general idea is that there is one all-powerful deity who created everything. He has rules and laws that you are supposed to follow, the general tenants of this specific religion mostly boil down to: love everyone and don't be a dick, which humans are notoriously bad at. You sin you go to hell, a very bad place after you die, and if you are a good person you go to heaven. Problem is everyone is a sinner and breaks the rules, so really no one was going to get into heaven."
"That sounds bleak..."
"Well, that's where the other stuff comes in. Basically, this all-powerful deity sent down his son in human form to live a perfect life, so when he was martyred he took on the sins of all of humanity and paid for them in the greatest act of mercy to open the gate for the rest of us into heaven."
Sunny shifted as he tilted to the side to lay in the crook of her arms,
"Of course that is just one religion among tons on earth, we aren't really as cohesive in our beliefs as Drev are... As for me... I'm not really sure."
She tilted her head to the side, cheek resting against his hair,
"After seeing space, I become more and more convinced of some... Thing that created everything, but beyond that it's sort of a tossup."
She ran one hand through his hair, coarse but still soft somehow.
"You know my name comes from that religion?”
She turned her head to look at him,
"Oh, really?”
"Adam was the first man."
"What do you mean!?”
Adam shrugged,
"He was supposedly the first man that god created, from the dust of the earth... I think?"
She gave him a sidelong glance,
"Look, and you get to be the first idiot in space."
He snorted and poked her in the ribs.
"There were PLENTY of idiots in space before me, believe you me."
"Mmm I don't know, you are pretty dumb."
He laughed, grabbing a pillow and hitting her with it. She rolled over so she was lying on top of him and then went limp.
He struggled,
"Get your big ass off me."
"Oh no, I have been attacked by a sudden acute case of the “my spine doesn't work anymore”-disease."
"If you don't move, you'll suddenly find yourself with a case of “fist in your face”-disease."
She laughed and rolled off him, making sure the hard parts of her carapace were sticking down for maximum discomfort.
He grunted.
They returned to lying down next to each other in the half darkness. Sunny reached over and turned on some quiet music in the background as the two of them sat and talked, and laughed.
"I can't wait to get back to deep space."
He closed his eyes and hummed softly at the thought,
"Just the crew and the darkness and nothing ahead of us but an endless frontier."
Surprisingly, she found the thought to be more than a little comforting, and closed her eyes thinking about the vast reaches of blackness and the endless spinning galaxies.
"And while we are out, we can drop Conn into a pulsar."
He snorted,
“Why? Well first of for scientific reasons! If a marshmallow causes a nuclear blast, I wonder what dropping Conn would do… but at least he’d be dead.”
"That billowy bastard would survive and you know it."
She huffed,
"Still though, if I have to hear one more smug lecture how he has a child with you, I'm gonna wring his scrawny neck."
He grinned teeth flashing blue in the light,
"Is someone... Jealous?"
Sunny laughed, almost tipping him off the bed and onto the floor with her mirth,
"Yes Adam, I am totally jealous, really I am, ‘kay?. I mean who wouldn't want to have a child with YOU, big dumb, dork. Really the perfect place to put my superior genes."
"Superior genes, says someone who can't reach the top shelf."
She kicked him, foot clanging off his prosthetic,
"I am a foot taller than you."
He placed his hand next to his ear,
"What was that, I can't hear you over how short you are."
Sunny shook her head,
"At least I have binocular vision and both my knees."
"So we are gonna ignore that that binocular vision is due to a prosthetic now after the whole “your mom” incident? And also, veeery important: weird neck nostrils, don't forget about those!"
"Oh yes, so I can’t house them on my face like you and your bigass nose."
"Low blow, low blow."
"There are... Lower things... I could make fun of."
He snorted,
"Can't make fun of it if you've never seen it. You on the other hand, walking around in the nude..."
"You're welcome. Who wouldn't love…"
She gestured to herself,
"This."
"Mmm yeah... chitin, very sexy."
"I am a gift to the universe, and should be appreciated by everyone."
He brushed a hand through his hair,
"Well I find that real gifts are gift wrapped, so jot that down."
"Oh yeah, like a prank gift when you put something lame in a box for something cool."
He frowned at her,
"You wound me. My feelings are so very very hurt. I might even cry."
"I drink human tears."
"That… that's really gross.'
She laughed and then they lapsed into silence. She could hear him breathing quietly next to her in the darkness, his chest rising and falling under the ambient blue light. She looked across the room to where her saint armor was hanging in its climate-controlled case illuminated to a pearly sheen.
"Adam?"
"Yeah?”
"You know I'm just kidding about calling you dumb right?"
"Yeah I know."
"I'm proud of what you've been doing."
Adam turned to look at her rather incredulous,
"Me, of what? I haven't been doing shit."
"So, we are just going to ignore you overthrowing a maniacal politician while simultaneously piloting a 2,000 year old spacecraft?"
"That was more Conn and Eris than it was me."
"It was your idea."
"Let’s not forget Admiral Kelly."
Sunny pulled him closer,
"I am sorry, I will not be accepting anything other than you acknowledging that you did a good job."
"Screw you!”
"You'd like that wouldn't you?”
He sighed,
"You've been talking to Ramirez WAY too much."
She was only slightly smug as she rested her head back against the pillow,
"I really should get up and train..."
"We should yeah..."
Neither of them moved.
"Alternatively, we could just... Lay here... All day and do... nothing."
She looked up at the ceiling for a long moment and pretended to be in deep contemplation before…
"Well it's official, you have convinced me. You and your silver tongue."
"I am a master negotiator."
He shifted position putting one arm behind his head,
"Think about it, by this time tomorrow we will be back to space exploring and doing what we should have been doing all along. I can't wait."
"That makes two of us."
Previous First [Next](link)
Want to find a specific one, see the whole list or check fanart?
Here is the link to the master-post.
Intro post by me
OC-whole collection
Patreon of the author
submitted by maximusaemilius to humansarespaceorcs [link] [comments]
Praise and respect to the spirits of Anin. Praise the fathers and mothers of war gone to their rest below the moss and the earth. Praise their spirits that watch from the sky and peer through the ether down upon us.
She continued the slow mantra in the style of Prayer learned from Naktan and pulled her concentration to her core, ignoring anything and everything around her. A deep state of meditation overtook her. She would never have done this if she thought there were any chance that she was in danger, but below she knew Earth glowed like a sphere before their orbiting ship. There was no worry of invasion.
She thought she heard something at one point, but chose to ignore it as she continued her mantra.
Eventually, and after an unknown amount of minutes, she stood and turned slowly to find-
She stopped, and crossed her arms over her chest.
"What are you doing?”
Adam burrowed his way further down into her blankets, nuzzling his head up against her pillow,
"So warm, and comfy!"
She tried not to smile,
"You dumbass."
He pulled the blankets tighter around himself,
"You know, I did come here to talk to you, but now I actually am really comfortable, so come back in two hours."
"I- This is MY home!"
He closed his eyes and pretended to snore loudly.
She rolled her eyes as she watched him theatrically pretend to sleep. She looked around mildly for a moment, before picking up another pillow and glancing at the door. She casually walked over, dropped the pillow on his head and then held it down as if she intended to smother him.
”Die human scum!”
That got him up and moving.
Before long the two of them were grappling for the upper hand, him trying to put her in a choke hold, and her using her lower arms to pinch him.
He yelped,
"Ouch! Pinching is illegal!”
"Sissy."
He clamped his legs around her lower arms, pinning them in place.
She struggled for a minute and then went limp.
She could feel his smug smile,
"I win, I beat the saint of Anin. Everyone bow at my feet."
"You say that, but if this were a real fight, since you’re a human male, you're the one with a self-destruct button."
"Self-destruct button...?"
"Meaning if this were a real fight, I would have punched you in the balls."
"Yaoooutch… Oh god… Please don't."
Finally, he let her go, leaving the two of them to lay on her bed, sheets scattered on the floor around them, and her pillows in disarray. Adam put his hands behind his head and sighed.
She glanced over at him,
"I don't suppose you came to just hang out. Here on Admiral-ly business?"
He groaned, pulling one of her pillows over his face,
"Please smother me for real this time."
She leaned up on one of her elbows,
"Why?"
"I don't wanna be an adult anymore!"
She tilted her head to the side, watching in amusement as he attempted to throw a childlike tantrum, but only really had the energy to kick his feet once,
"It's boring and lame and they won’t let me wear heelies to important meetings... also children don't have to pay taxes."
She laughed, pulling the pillow from his face,
"Adam you are many things, but 'adult' is not one of them."
He grinned slightly,
"True enough."
He sighed again and rested his head back against the pillows,
"I just want to get back to what we are supposed to be doing, exploring the universe and making cool alien friends."
He threw up his hands in frustration,
"But suddenly I find myself embroiled in stupid annoying politics that I don't understand, being used by people who are, let’s face it, WAY smarter than me, constantly finding myself getting manipulated."
She huffed,
"They aren't smarter than you Adam, they're just manipulative, and you aren't."
He sighed,
"Fair enough."
Then he looked at her, bright green eyes reflecting the soft ambient blue light,
"I just, I miss this, I miss us, I miss hanging out and doing stupid shit, and all of the things I could do when I wasn't so important and this operation was smaller."
She smiled rather sadly reaching one hand over for his, lacing the four of her fingers through the five of his,
"Well someone has to do the hard things, who better than you?”
He glanced over at her, raising an eyebrow,
"Or you, miss saint?”
She rolled her eyes again,
"Can't seem to get you off of that. I'm still the same person I used to be."
"But with power."
She elbowed him gently and he grinned,
"But really, I am proud and impressed and... Let's be honest super super smug that 'I' know you personally."
"I know, I am pretty terrific."
The two of them laughed for a minute before settling down again. He glanced over to her little shrine on the wall,
"What were you doing just then?"
She looked up at the ceiling, following the lines of metal and rivets with her eyes,
"Praying to the spirits of Anin."
Embarrassed, he shifted,
"I didn't know you were... Well I didn't think you were all that religious?"
She shrugged,
"Don't feel bad, it's sort of a new thing. Back before all this, it was sort of just stories to me. Like I believed it because that was what everyone believed, but I didn't really accept it, or feel it the way I do now. After everything with my mother, it was hard to feel connected to something I felt I wasn't a part of... But then after visiting my mother, after becoming a saint for a religion I never really followed... Well, it started to make more sense. It feels real now in a way that it never did."
She turned to look at him, finding him watching her, the UV blue stripes in his skin glowing blue.
"I believe in the spirits of Anin more than I ever have."
He smiled at her and squeezed her hand,
"I'm glad to hear it."
They lapsed into silence for a long moment, staring up at the ceiling before, inevitably he broke it,
"So this makes you like, space Moses right?”
She frowned and turned to look at him,
"What is a “Moses”?"
He grinned,
"A guy from one of the Earth Religions. You know, guy follows god's directions to lead his people away from slavery, climbs a mountain, receives the word of god, comes down to give it to the people, that sort of thing."
Sunny tilted her head slightly to the side,
"Are you religious?"
He paused, frowning,
"I... well I... don't really know. My family has been some flavor of Christian for a long time."
"Christian?"
"Uh yeah, the general idea is that there is one all-powerful deity who created everything. He has rules and laws that you are supposed to follow, the general tenants of this specific religion mostly boil down to: love everyone and don't be a dick, which humans are notoriously bad at. You sin you go to hell, a very bad place after you die, and if you are a good person you go to heaven. Problem is everyone is a sinner and breaks the rules, so really no one was going to get into heaven."
"That sounds bleak..."
"Well, that's where the other stuff comes in. Basically, this all-powerful deity sent down his son in human form to live a perfect life, so when he was martyred he took on the sins of all of humanity and paid for them in the greatest act of mercy to open the gate for the rest of us into heaven."
Sunny shifted as he tilted to the side to lay in the crook of her arms,
"Of course that is just one religion among tons on earth, we aren't really as cohesive in our beliefs as Drev are... As for me... I'm not really sure."
She tilted her head to the side, cheek resting against his hair,
"After seeing space, I become more and more convinced of some... Thing that created everything, but beyond that it's sort of a tossup."
She ran one hand through his hair, coarse but still soft somehow.
"You know my name comes from that religion?”
She turned her head to look at him,
"Oh, really?”
"Adam was the first man."
"What do you mean!?”
Adam shrugged,
"He was supposedly the first man that god created, from the dust of the earth... I think?"
She gave him a sidelong glance,
"Look, and you get to be the first idiot in space."
He snorted and poked her in the ribs.
"There were PLENTY of idiots in space before me, believe you me."
"Mmm I don't know, you are pretty dumb."
He laughed, grabbing a pillow and hitting her with it. She rolled over so she was lying on top of him and then went limp.
He struggled,
"Get your big ass off me."
"Oh no, I have been attacked by a sudden acute case of the “my spine doesn't work anymore”-disease."
"If you don't move, you'll suddenly find yourself with a case of “fist in your face”-disease."
She laughed and rolled off him, making sure the hard parts of her carapace were sticking down for maximum discomfort.
He grunted.
They returned to lying down next to each other in the half darkness. Sunny reached over and turned on some quiet music in the background as the two of them sat and talked, and laughed.
"I can't wait to get back to deep space."
He closed his eyes and hummed softly at the thought,
"Just the crew and the darkness and nothing ahead of us but an endless frontier."
Surprisingly, she found the thought to be more than a little comforting, and closed her eyes thinking about the vast reaches of blackness and the endless spinning galaxies.
"And while we are out, we can drop Conn into a pulsar."
He snorted,
“Why? Well first of for scientific reasons! If a marshmallow causes a nuclear blast, I wonder what dropping Conn would do… but at least he’d be dead.”
"That billowy bastard would survive and you know it."
She huffed,
"Still though, if I have to hear one more smug lecture how he has a child with you, I'm gonna wring his scrawny neck."
He grinned teeth flashing blue in the light,
"Is someone... Jealous?"
Sunny laughed, almost tipping him off the bed and onto the floor with her mirth,
"Yes Adam, I am totally jealous, really I am, ‘kay?. I mean who wouldn't want to have a child with YOU, big dumb, dork. Really the perfect place to put my superior genes."
"Superior genes, says someone who can't reach the top shelf."
She kicked him, foot clanging off his prosthetic,
"I am a foot taller than you."
He placed his hand next to his ear,
"What was that, I can't hear you over how short you are."
Sunny shook her head,
"At least I have binocular vision and both my knees."
"So we are gonna ignore that that binocular vision is due to a prosthetic now after the whole “your mom” incident? And also, veeery important: weird neck nostrils, don't forget about those!"
"Oh yes, so I can’t house them on my face like you and your bigass nose."
"Low blow, low blow."
"There are... Lower things... I could make fun of."
He snorted,
"Can't make fun of it if you've never seen it. You on the other hand, walking around in the nude..."
"You're welcome. Who wouldn't love…"
She gestured to herself,
"This."
"Mmm yeah... chitin, very sexy."
"I am a gift to the universe, and should be appreciated by everyone."
He brushed a hand through his hair,
"Well I find that real gifts are gift wrapped, so jot that down."
"Oh yeah, like a prank gift when you put something lame in a box for something cool."
He frowned at her,
"You wound me. My feelings are so very very hurt. I might even cry."
"I drink human tears."
"That… that's really gross.'
She laughed and then they lapsed into silence. She could hear him breathing quietly next to her in the darkness, his chest rising and falling under the ambient blue light. She looked across the room to where her saint armor was hanging in its climate-controlled case illuminated to a pearly sheen.
"Adam?"
"Yeah?”
"You know I'm just kidding about calling you dumb right?"
"Yeah I know."
"I'm proud of what you've been doing."
Adam turned to look at her rather incredulous,
"Me, of what? I haven't been doing shit."
"So, we are just going to ignore you overthrowing a maniacal politician while simultaneously piloting a 2,000 year old spacecraft?"
"That was more Conn and Eris than it was me."
"It was your idea."
"Let’s not forget Admiral Kelly."
Sunny pulled him closer,
"I am sorry, I will not be accepting anything other than you acknowledging that you did a good job."
"Screw you!”
"You'd like that wouldn't you?”
He sighed,
"You've been talking to Ramirez WAY too much."
She was only slightly smug as she rested her head back against the pillow,
"I really should get up and train..."
"We should yeah..."
Neither of them moved.
"Alternatively, we could just... Lay here... All day and do... nothing."
She looked up at the ceiling for a long moment and pretended to be in deep contemplation before…
"Well it's official, you have convinced me. You and your silver tongue."
"I am a master negotiator."
He shifted position putting one arm behind his head,
"Think about it, by this time tomorrow we will be back to space exploring and doing what we should have been doing all along. I can't wait."
"That makes two of us."
Want to find a specific one, see the whole list or check fanart?
Here is the link to the master-post.
Intro post by me
OC-whole collection
Patreon of the author
2024.05.21 13:56 dissociativedays I want to go no-contact with my family. How do I become okay with it?
I suspect my sister is narcissistic with enabling parents. I was considering going no-contact with my family minus a brother I’m close to 3 years ago and was almost out until my father died in a freak accident and I got roped back in. My sister has spent the last 30 years making my life a living hell and my parents never stuck up for me or protected me from her. My mother, now alone, is terrified of her. We had a shitty childhood and all have different survival tactics, but after going to therapy for four years now, I’ve gotten away from those and surround myself with happy, healthy, amazing, supportive people. In regard to family, I keep my distance when I can (living 3.5 hours away helps), but often am the one everyone turns to when shit goes sideways to fix everything, calm people down, figure out what to do next. I’m tired of it, especially now realizing no one does the same for me.
I recently got married and had a 40 person head count, with 38 yeses. After a bunch of random crap, 13 of my 20 invitees flaked 3 days to 2 hours before the party, all of which were very, very close family members including a brother and two of my BILs. Had I known this, with ample timing, I would have invited more friends who WOULD have shown, but due to family taking up so much of the headcount, I couldn’t extend invites to them all. I vented to my mother who said at least I have my sister coming, who I said was only invited since the others were and she has never been nice to me or my husband - which my mother agreed with and said was a self-centered survival thing. I said she should learn a little kindness which would get her far. She despises my husband, who is genuinely as nice as can be, even to a fault. Doesn’t have a bad bone in his body, god bless him. But he supports me and loves me and we do well off each other and thrive, which she doesn’t like. Other siblings have commented on the fact she treats him so poorly when he is nothing but so kind to her.
Come party, 2 hours in and she’s nowhere to be seen. We’re waiting around to cut cakes since her household consisted of 5 people and we didn’t want to have people randomly walk in on it and ruin the photographs, miss the momentous moment, etc. My brother gets in touch with her and relays the message that I’m a monster, I’m childish and horrible and never welcome her to anything and I’m irrelevant and no one likes me which is why everyone bailed on me and I should be embarrassed. The only person I said those things to was my mother (who couldn’t come to party due to health reasons). I spent a majority of my wedding party crying on a fire escape because I was so upset by her words, so upset that everyone bailed, and so upset I didn’t follow my gut inviting other friends who would have come over obligatory family invites. I blocked my sister and her friend who joined in on her meanness. She has taken to emailing and texting me under spoof emails and phone numbers. Calling me irrelevant, embarrassing, disgusting, ugly, childish, greedy, no one showed up because they don’t like me, never been liked, etc.
My mother has spoken to her, but hasn’t reached out to me since the party when I said I was hurt at what she shared in confidence and need to think about what I want from this family anymore. My mother swears she went through her phone and saw the messages, but other parts of her (mothers) story don’t align. My mother historically has victim mindset over everything and could do no wrong.
I’m hurt, I’m upset. My husband has been amazing, but he doesn’t have any family that we could lean on ever. I’m torn between going fully no contact between my siblings who enable my sister, my mother who is emotionally abusive and enables her and doesn’t protect the rest of us, and calling it a day. Or going no contact with siblings, low contact with my mother, and never returning until they get their shit together and go to therapy. I just don’t know what is best anymore since I know my mom will never stand up to her. Family is all I’ve ever really had outside a close knit group of 3 friends, so it’s hard to go from everything to nothing in the blink of an eye.
Ever since my dad died and my sister took over, I have felt like I don’t have a spot in the family anymore. My sisters best friend of 15 years has always wanted to be apart of our big family since she had a dysfunctional one herself, and joins us on family vacations, Christmas, every waking moment. She is just as bad as my sister, and my sister is her only friend so she bows down to her. Since dad died, it’s like my sister and her friend don’t want me in the family and want to give the bff my daughter spot and to ostracize me. All of this is making me spiral and spiral and spiral. I haven’t been this bad mentally in a really, REALLY long time and it’s triggering me a lot.
I feel like as a woman, I’m held to a different caliber than the others. My brothers could do whatever they damn well please, and they do, and everyone turns a blind eye. With my sister being the oldest, she gets the same treatment. I am overwhelmed with what this family puts me through. My husband doesn’t have any family anymore for us to lean on, spend holidays with, etc. How do you move on? How do you find peace? How do you be okay with the fact nothing will ever change in this dynamic so it’s all or nothing?
FWIW - have an amazing therapist, amazing support group. Am ok, just sad and upset.
submitted by dissociativedays to TwoXChromosomes [link] [comments]
I recently got married and had a 40 person head count, with 38 yeses. After a bunch of random crap, 13 of my 20 invitees flaked 3 days to 2 hours before the party, all of which were very, very close family members including a brother and two of my BILs. Had I known this, with ample timing, I would have invited more friends who WOULD have shown, but due to family taking up so much of the headcount, I couldn’t extend invites to them all. I vented to my mother who said at least I have my sister coming, who I said was only invited since the others were and she has never been nice to me or my husband - which my mother agreed with and said was a self-centered survival thing. I said she should learn a little kindness which would get her far. She despises my husband, who is genuinely as nice as can be, even to a fault. Doesn’t have a bad bone in his body, god bless him. But he supports me and loves me and we do well off each other and thrive, which she doesn’t like. Other siblings have commented on the fact she treats him so poorly when he is nothing but so kind to her.
Come party, 2 hours in and she’s nowhere to be seen. We’re waiting around to cut cakes since her household consisted of 5 people and we didn’t want to have people randomly walk in on it and ruin the photographs, miss the momentous moment, etc. My brother gets in touch with her and relays the message that I’m a monster, I’m childish and horrible and never welcome her to anything and I’m irrelevant and no one likes me which is why everyone bailed on me and I should be embarrassed. The only person I said those things to was my mother (who couldn’t come to party due to health reasons). I spent a majority of my wedding party crying on a fire escape because I was so upset by her words, so upset that everyone bailed, and so upset I didn’t follow my gut inviting other friends who would have come over obligatory family invites. I blocked my sister and her friend who joined in on her meanness. She has taken to emailing and texting me under spoof emails and phone numbers. Calling me irrelevant, embarrassing, disgusting, ugly, childish, greedy, no one showed up because they don’t like me, never been liked, etc.
My mother has spoken to her, but hasn’t reached out to me since the party when I said I was hurt at what she shared in confidence and need to think about what I want from this family anymore. My mother swears she went through her phone and saw the messages, but other parts of her (mothers) story don’t align. My mother historically has victim mindset over everything and could do no wrong.
I’m hurt, I’m upset. My husband has been amazing, but he doesn’t have any family that we could lean on ever. I’m torn between going fully no contact between my siblings who enable my sister, my mother who is emotionally abusive and enables her and doesn’t protect the rest of us, and calling it a day. Or going no contact with siblings, low contact with my mother, and never returning until they get their shit together and go to therapy. I just don’t know what is best anymore since I know my mom will never stand up to her. Family is all I’ve ever really had outside a close knit group of 3 friends, so it’s hard to go from everything to nothing in the blink of an eye.
Ever since my dad died and my sister took over, I have felt like I don’t have a spot in the family anymore. My sisters best friend of 15 years has always wanted to be apart of our big family since she had a dysfunctional one herself, and joins us on family vacations, Christmas, every waking moment. She is just as bad as my sister, and my sister is her only friend so she bows down to her. Since dad died, it’s like my sister and her friend don’t want me in the family and want to give the bff my daughter spot and to ostracize me. All of this is making me spiral and spiral and spiral. I haven’t been this bad mentally in a really, REALLY long time and it’s triggering me a lot.
I feel like as a woman, I’m held to a different caliber than the others. My brothers could do whatever they damn well please, and they do, and everyone turns a blind eye. With my sister being the oldest, she gets the same treatment. I am overwhelmed with what this family puts me through. My husband doesn’t have any family anymore for us to lean on, spend holidays with, etc. How do you move on? How do you find peace? How do you be okay with the fact nothing will ever change in this dynamic so it’s all or nothing?
FWIW - have an amazing therapist, amazing support group. Am ok, just sad and upset.
2024.05.21 13:53 maximusaemilius Empyrean Iris: 2-184 In the Ambiance (by Charlie Star)
FYI, this is a story COLLECTION. Lots of standalones technically. So, you can basically start to read at any chapter, no pre-read of the other chapters needed technically (other than maybe getting better descriptions of characters than: Adam Vir=human, Krill=antlike alien, Sunny=tall alien, Conn=telepathic alien). The numbers are (mostly) only for organization of posts and continuity.
OC Written by Charlie Stastarrfallknightrise,
Typed up and then posted here by me.
Proofreading and language check for some chapters by u/Finbar9800 u/BakeGullible9975 u/Didnotseemecomein and u/medium_jock
Future Lore and fact check done by me.
Awwwww! So cute!
Previous First [Next](link)
Want to find a specific one, see the whole list or check fanart?
Here is the link to the master-post.
She got up in the dark, with only the dim ambience of soft blue lighting to accompany her. She stretched all four arms, her two legs, and rolled her neck. It struck her as mildly interesting in that moment, how something so small could connect them to humans, The thought was fleeting as she took another step forward to kneel down on the floor. There, in a little alcove in the wall, she had set a volcanic rock from Anin, dried moss, and other paraphernalia from her home world. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath resting her hands together.
Praise and respect to the spirits of Anin. Praise the fathers and mothers of war gone to their rest below the moss and the earth. Praise their spirits that watch from the sky and peer through the ether down upon us.
She continued the slow mantra in the style of Prayer learned from Naktan and pulled her concentration to her core, ignoring anything and everything around her. A deep state of meditation overtook her. She would never have done this if she thought there were any chance that she was in danger, but below she knew Earth glowed like a sphere before their orbiting ship. There was no worry of invasion.
She thought she heard something at one point, but chose to ignore it as she continued her mantra.
Eventually, and after an unknown amount of minutes, she stood and turned slowly to find-
She stopped, and crossed her arms over her chest.
"What are you doing?”
Adam burrowed his way further down into her blankets, nuzzling his head up against her pillow,
"So warm, and comfy!"
She tried not to smile,
"You dumbass."
He pulled the blankets tighter around himself,
"You know, I did come here to talk to you, but now I actually am really comfortable, so come back in two hours."
"I- This is MY home!"
He closed his eyes and pretended to snore loudly.
She rolled her eyes as she watched him theatrically pretend to sleep. She looked around mildly for a moment, before picking up another pillow and glancing at the door. She casually walked over, dropped the pillow on his head and then held it down as if she intended to smother him.
”Die human scum!”
That got him up and moving.
Before long the two of them were grappling for the upper hand, him trying to put her in a choke hold, and her using her lower arms to pinch him.
He yelped,
"Ouch! Pinching is illegal!”
"Sissy."
He clamped his legs around her lower arms, pinning them in place.
She struggled for a minute and then went limp.
She could feel his smug smile,
"I win, I beat the saint of Anin. Everyone bow at my feet."
"You say that, but if this were a real fight, since you’re a human male, you're the one with a self-destruct button."
"Self-destruct button...?"
"Meaning if this were a real fight, I would have punched you in the balls."
"Yaoooutch… Oh god… Please don't."
Finally, he let her go, leaving the two of them to lay on her bed, sheets scattered on the floor around them, and her pillows in disarray. Adam put his hands behind his head and sighed.
She glanced over at him,
"I don't suppose you came to just hang out. Here on Admiral-ly business?"
He groaned, pulling one of her pillows over his face,
"Please smother me for real this time."
She leaned up on one of her elbows,
"Why?"
"I don't wanna be an adult anymore!"
She tilted her head to the side, watching in amusement as he attempted to throw a childlike tantrum, but only really had the energy to kick his feet once,
"It's boring and lame and they won’t let me wear heelies to important meetings... also children don't have to pay taxes."
She laughed, pulling the pillow from his face,
"Adam you are many things, but 'adult' is not one of them."
He grinned slightly,
"True enough."
He sighed again and rested his head back against the pillows,
"I just want to get back to what we are supposed to be doing, exploring the universe and making cool alien friends."
He threw up his hands in frustration,
"But suddenly I find myself embroiled in stupid annoying politics that I don't understand, being used by people who are, let’s face it, WAY smarter than me, constantly finding myself getting manipulated."
She huffed,
"They aren't smarter than you Adam, they're just manipulative, and you aren't."
He sighed,
"Fair enough."
Then he looked at her, bright green eyes reflecting the soft ambient blue light,
"I just, I miss this, I miss us, I miss hanging out and doing stupid shit, and all of the things I could do when I wasn't so important and this operation was smaller."
She smiled rather sadly reaching one hand over for his, lacing the four of her fingers through the five of his,
"Well someone has to do the hard things, who better than you?”
He glanced over at her, raising an eyebrow,
"Or you, miss saint?”
She rolled her eyes again,
"Can't seem to get you off of that. I'm still the same person I used to be."
"But with power."
She elbowed him gently and he grinned,
"But really, I am proud and impressed and... Let's be honest super super smug that 'I' know you personally."
"I know, I am pretty terrific."
The two of them laughed for a minute before settling down again. He glanced over to her little shrine on the wall,
"What were you doing just then?"
She looked up at the ceiling, following the lines of metal and rivets with her eyes,
"Praying to the spirits of Anin."
Embarrassed, he shifted,
"I didn't know you were... Well I didn't think you were all that religious?"
She shrugged,
"Don't feel bad, it's sort of a new thing. Back before all this, it was sort of just stories to me. Like I believed it because that was what everyone believed, but I didn't really accept it, or feel it the way I do now. After everything with my mother, it was hard to feel connected to something I felt I wasn't a part of... But then after visiting my mother, after becoming a saint for a religion I never really followed... Well, it started to make more sense. It feels real now in a way that it never did."
She turned to look at him, finding him watching her, the UV blue stripes in his skin glowing blue.
"I believe in the spirits of Anin more than I ever have."
He smiled at her and squeezed her hand,
"I'm glad to hear it."
They lapsed into silence for a long moment, staring up at the ceiling before, inevitably he broke it,
"So this makes you like, space Moses right?”
She frowned and turned to look at him,
"What is a “Moses”?"
He grinned,
"A guy from one of the Earth Religions. You know, guy follows god's directions to lead his people away from slavery, climbs a mountain, receives the word of god, comes down to give it to the people, that sort of thing."
Sunny tilted her head slightly to the side,
"Are you religious?"
He paused, frowning,
"I... well I... don't really know. My family has been some flavor of Christian for a long time."
"Christian?"
"Uh yeah, the general idea is that there is one all-powerful deity who created everything. He has rules and laws that you are supposed to follow, the general tenants of this specific religion mostly boil down to: love everyone and don't be a dick, which humans are notoriously bad at. You sin you go to hell, a very bad place after you die, and if you are a good person you go to heaven. Problem is everyone is a sinner and breaks the rules, so really no one was going to get into heaven."
"That sounds bleak..."
"Well, that's where the other stuff comes in. Basically, this all-powerful deity sent down his son in human form to live a perfect life, so when he was martyred he took on the sins of all of humanity and paid for them in the greatest act of mercy to open the gate for the rest of us into heaven."
Sunny shifted as he tilted to the side to lay in the crook of her arms,
"Of course that is just one religion among tons on earth, we aren't really as cohesive in our beliefs as Drev are... As for me... I'm not really sure."
She tilted her head to the side, cheek resting against his hair,
"After seeing space, I become more and more convinced of some... Thing that created everything, but beyond that it's sort of a tossup."
She ran one hand through his hair, coarse but still soft somehow.
"You know my name comes from that religion?”
She turned her head to look at him,
"Oh, really?”
"Adam was the first man."
"What do you mean!?”
Adam shrugged,
"He was supposedly the first man that god created, from the dust of the earth... I think?"
She gave him a sidelong glance,
"Look, and you get to be the first idiot in space."
He snorted and poked her in the ribs.
"There were PLENTY of idiots in space before me, believe you me."
"Mmm I don't know, you are pretty dumb."
He laughed, grabbing a pillow and hitting her with it. She rolled over so she was lying on top of him and then went limp.
He struggled,
"Get your big ass off me."
"Oh no, I have been attacked by a sudden acute case of the “my spine doesn't work anymore”-disease."
"If you don't move, you'll suddenly find yourself with a case of “fist in your face”-disease."
She laughed and rolled off him, making sure the hard parts of her carapace were sticking down for maximum discomfort.
He grunted.
They returned to lying down next to each other in the half darkness. Sunny reached over and turned on some quiet music in the background as the two of them sat and talked, and laughed.
"I can't wait to get back to deep space."
He closed his eyes and hummed softly at the thought,
"Just the crew and the darkness and nothing ahead of us but an endless frontier."
Surprisingly, she found the thought to be more than a little comforting, and closed her eyes thinking about the vast reaches of blackness and the endless spinning galaxies.
"And while we are out, we can drop Conn into a pulsar."
He snorted,
“Why? Well first of for scientific reasons! If a marshmallow causes a nuclear blast, I wonder what dropping Conn would do… but at least he’d be dead.”
"That billowy bastard would survive and you know it."
She huffed,
"Still though, if I have to hear one more smug lecture how he has a child with you, I'm gonna wring his scrawny neck."
He grinned teeth flashing blue in the light,
"Is someone... Jealous?"
Sunny laughed, almost tipping him off the bed and onto the floor with her mirth,
"Yes Adam, I am totally jealous, really I am, ‘kay?. I mean who wouldn't want to have a child with YOU, big dumb, dork. Really the perfect place to put my superior genes."
"Superior genes, says someone who can't reach the top shelf."
She kicked him, foot clanging off his prosthetic,
"I am a foot taller than you."
He placed his hand next to his ear,
"What was that, I can't hear you over how short you are."
Sunny shook her head,
"At least I have binocular vision and both my knees."
"So we are gonna ignore that that binocular vision is due to a prosthetic now after the whole “your mom” incident? And also, veeery important: weird neck nostrils, don't forget about those!"
"Oh yes, so I can’t house them on my face like you and your bigass nose."
"Low blow, low blow."
"There are... Lower things... I could make fun of."
He snorted,
"Can't make fun of it if you've never seen it. You on the other hand, walking around in the nude..."
"You're welcome. Who wouldn't love…"
She gestured to herself,
"This."
"Mmm yeah... chitin, very sexy."
"I am a gift to the universe, and should be appreciated by everyone."
He brushed a hand through his hair,
"Well I find that real gifts are gift wrapped, so jot that down."
"Oh yeah, like a prank gift when you put something lame in a box for something cool."
He frowned at her,
"You wound me. My feelings are so very very hurt. I might even cry."
"I drink human tears."
"That… that's really gross.'
She laughed and then they lapsed into silence. She could hear him breathing quietly next to her in the darkness, his chest rising and falling under the ambient blue light. She looked across the room to where her saint armor was hanging in its climate-controlled case illuminated to a pearly sheen.
"Adam?"
"Yeah?”
"You know I'm just kidding about calling you dumb right?"
"Yeah I know."
"I'm proud of what you've been doing."
Adam turned to look at her rather incredulous,
"Me, of what? I haven't been doing shit."
"So, we are just going to ignore you overthrowing a maniacal politician while simultaneously piloting a 2,000 year old spacecraft?"
"That was more Conn and Eris than it was me."
"It was your idea."
"Let’s not forget Admiral Kelly."
Sunny pulled him closer,
"I am sorry, I will not be accepting anything other than you acknowledging that you did a good job."
"Screw you!”
"You'd like that wouldn't you?”
He sighed,
"You've been talking to Ramirez WAY too much."
She was only slightly smug as she rested her head back against the pillow,
"I really should get up and train..."
"We should yeah..."
Neither of them moved.
"Alternatively, we could just... Lay here... All day and do... nothing."
She looked up at the ceiling for a long moment and pretended to be in deep contemplation before…
"Well it's official, you have convinced me. You and your silver tongue."
"I am a master negotiator."
He shifted position putting one arm behind his head,
"Think about it, by this time tomorrow we will be back to space exploring and doing what we should have been doing all along. I can't wait."
"That makes two of us."
Previous First [Next](link)
Want to find a specific one, see the whole list or check fanart?
Here is the link to the master-post.
Intro post by me
OC-whole collection
Patreon of the author
Thanks for reading! As you saw in the title, this is a cross posted story written by starrfallknightrise and I'll just upload some of it here for you guys, if you are interested and want to read ahead, the original story-collection can be found on tumblr or wattpad to read for free. (link above this text under "OC:..." ) It is the Empyrean Iris story collection by starfallknightrise. Also, if you want to know more about the story collection i made an intro post about it, so feel free to check that out to see what other great characters to look forward to! (Link also above this text). I have no affiliations to the author; just thought I’d share some of the great stories you might enjoy a lot!
Obviously, I have Charlie’s permission to post this and for the people already knowing the stories, or starting to read them: If you follow the link and check out the story you will see some differences. I made some small (non-artistic) changes, mainly correcting writing mistakes, pronoun correction and some small additional info here and there of things which were not thought of/forgotten or even were added/changed in later stories (like the “USS->UNSC” prefix of Stabby, Chalar=/->Sunny etc). As well as some "biggemajor" changes in descriptions and info’s for the same stringency/continuity reason. That can be explained by the story collection being, well a story collection at the start with many standalone-stories just starring the same people, but later on it gets more to a stringent storyline with backstories and throwbacks. (For example Adam Vir has some HEAVY scars over his body, following his bones, which were not really talked about up till half the collection, where it says it covers his whole body and you find out via backflash that he had them the whole time and how he got them, they just weren't mentioned before. However, I would think a doctor would at least see these scars before that, especially since he gets analyzed, treated and goes shirtless/in T-shirts in some stories). So TLDR: Writing and some descriptions are slightly changed, with full OK from the author, since he himself did not bother to correct these things before.
submitted by maximusaemilius to HFY [link] [comments]
OC Written by Charlie Stastarrfallknightrise,
Typed up and then posted here by me.
Proofreading and language check for some chapters by u/Finbar9800 u/BakeGullible9975 u/Didnotseemecomein and u/medium_jock
Future Lore and fact check done by me.
Awwwww! So cute!
Want to find a specific one, see the whole list or check fanart?
Here is the link to the master-post.
Praise and respect to the spirits of Anin. Praise the fathers and mothers of war gone to their rest below the moss and the earth. Praise their spirits that watch from the sky and peer through the ether down upon us.
She continued the slow mantra in the style of Prayer learned from Naktan and pulled her concentration to her core, ignoring anything and everything around her. A deep state of meditation overtook her. She would never have done this if she thought there were any chance that she was in danger, but below she knew Earth glowed like a sphere before their orbiting ship. There was no worry of invasion.
She thought she heard something at one point, but chose to ignore it as she continued her mantra.
Eventually, and after an unknown amount of minutes, she stood and turned slowly to find-
She stopped, and crossed her arms over her chest.
"What are you doing?”
Adam burrowed his way further down into her blankets, nuzzling his head up against her pillow,
"So warm, and comfy!"
She tried not to smile,
"You dumbass."
He pulled the blankets tighter around himself,
"You know, I did come here to talk to you, but now I actually am really comfortable, so come back in two hours."
"I- This is MY home!"
He closed his eyes and pretended to snore loudly.
She rolled her eyes as she watched him theatrically pretend to sleep. She looked around mildly for a moment, before picking up another pillow and glancing at the door. She casually walked over, dropped the pillow on his head and then held it down as if she intended to smother him.
”Die human scum!”
That got him up and moving.
Before long the two of them were grappling for the upper hand, him trying to put her in a choke hold, and her using her lower arms to pinch him.
He yelped,
"Ouch! Pinching is illegal!”
"Sissy."
He clamped his legs around her lower arms, pinning them in place.
She struggled for a minute and then went limp.
She could feel his smug smile,
"I win, I beat the saint of Anin. Everyone bow at my feet."
"You say that, but if this were a real fight, since you’re a human male, you're the one with a self-destruct button."
"Self-destruct button...?"
"Meaning if this were a real fight, I would have punched you in the balls."
"Yaoooutch… Oh god… Please don't."
Finally, he let her go, leaving the two of them to lay on her bed, sheets scattered on the floor around them, and her pillows in disarray. Adam put his hands behind his head and sighed.
She glanced over at him,
"I don't suppose you came to just hang out. Here on Admiral-ly business?"
He groaned, pulling one of her pillows over his face,
"Please smother me for real this time."
She leaned up on one of her elbows,
"Why?"
"I don't wanna be an adult anymore!"
She tilted her head to the side, watching in amusement as he attempted to throw a childlike tantrum, but only really had the energy to kick his feet once,
"It's boring and lame and they won’t let me wear heelies to important meetings... also children don't have to pay taxes."
She laughed, pulling the pillow from his face,
"Adam you are many things, but 'adult' is not one of them."
He grinned slightly,
"True enough."
He sighed again and rested his head back against the pillows,
"I just want to get back to what we are supposed to be doing, exploring the universe and making cool alien friends."
He threw up his hands in frustration,
"But suddenly I find myself embroiled in stupid annoying politics that I don't understand, being used by people who are, let’s face it, WAY smarter than me, constantly finding myself getting manipulated."
She huffed,
"They aren't smarter than you Adam, they're just manipulative, and you aren't."
He sighed,
"Fair enough."
Then he looked at her, bright green eyes reflecting the soft ambient blue light,
"I just, I miss this, I miss us, I miss hanging out and doing stupid shit, and all of the things I could do when I wasn't so important and this operation was smaller."
She smiled rather sadly reaching one hand over for his, lacing the four of her fingers through the five of his,
"Well someone has to do the hard things, who better than you?”
He glanced over at her, raising an eyebrow,
"Or you, miss saint?”
She rolled her eyes again,
"Can't seem to get you off of that. I'm still the same person I used to be."
"But with power."
She elbowed him gently and he grinned,
"But really, I am proud and impressed and... Let's be honest super super smug that 'I' know you personally."
"I know, I am pretty terrific."
The two of them laughed for a minute before settling down again. He glanced over to her little shrine on the wall,
"What were you doing just then?"
She looked up at the ceiling, following the lines of metal and rivets with her eyes,
"Praying to the spirits of Anin."
Embarrassed, he shifted,
"I didn't know you were... Well I didn't think you were all that religious?"
She shrugged,
"Don't feel bad, it's sort of a new thing. Back before all this, it was sort of just stories to me. Like I believed it because that was what everyone believed, but I didn't really accept it, or feel it the way I do now. After everything with my mother, it was hard to feel connected to something I felt I wasn't a part of... But then after visiting my mother, after becoming a saint for a religion I never really followed... Well, it started to make more sense. It feels real now in a way that it never did."
She turned to look at him, finding him watching her, the UV blue stripes in his skin glowing blue.
"I believe in the spirits of Anin more than I ever have."
He smiled at her and squeezed her hand,
"I'm glad to hear it."
They lapsed into silence for a long moment, staring up at the ceiling before, inevitably he broke it,
"So this makes you like, space Moses right?”
She frowned and turned to look at him,
"What is a “Moses”?"
He grinned,
"A guy from one of the Earth Religions. You know, guy follows god's directions to lead his people away from slavery, climbs a mountain, receives the word of god, comes down to give it to the people, that sort of thing."
Sunny tilted her head slightly to the side,
"Are you religious?"
He paused, frowning,
"I... well I... don't really know. My family has been some flavor of Christian for a long time."
"Christian?"
"Uh yeah, the general idea is that there is one all-powerful deity who created everything. He has rules and laws that you are supposed to follow, the general tenants of this specific religion mostly boil down to: love everyone and don't be a dick, which humans are notoriously bad at. You sin you go to hell, a very bad place after you die, and if you are a good person you go to heaven. Problem is everyone is a sinner and breaks the rules, so really no one was going to get into heaven."
"That sounds bleak..."
"Well, that's where the other stuff comes in. Basically, this all-powerful deity sent down his son in human form to live a perfect life, so when he was martyred he took on the sins of all of humanity and paid for them in the greatest act of mercy to open the gate for the rest of us into heaven."
Sunny shifted as he tilted to the side to lay in the crook of her arms,
"Of course that is just one religion among tons on earth, we aren't really as cohesive in our beliefs as Drev are... As for me... I'm not really sure."
She tilted her head to the side, cheek resting against his hair,
"After seeing space, I become more and more convinced of some... Thing that created everything, but beyond that it's sort of a tossup."
She ran one hand through his hair, coarse but still soft somehow.
"You know my name comes from that religion?”
She turned her head to look at him,
"Oh, really?”
"Adam was the first man."
"What do you mean!?”
Adam shrugged,
"He was supposedly the first man that god created, from the dust of the earth... I think?"
She gave him a sidelong glance,
"Look, and you get to be the first idiot in space."
He snorted and poked her in the ribs.
"There were PLENTY of idiots in space before me, believe you me."
"Mmm I don't know, you are pretty dumb."
He laughed, grabbing a pillow and hitting her with it. She rolled over so she was lying on top of him and then went limp.
He struggled,
"Get your big ass off me."
"Oh no, I have been attacked by a sudden acute case of the “my spine doesn't work anymore”-disease."
"If you don't move, you'll suddenly find yourself with a case of “fist in your face”-disease."
She laughed and rolled off him, making sure the hard parts of her carapace were sticking down for maximum discomfort.
He grunted.
They returned to lying down next to each other in the half darkness. Sunny reached over and turned on some quiet music in the background as the two of them sat and talked, and laughed.
"I can't wait to get back to deep space."
He closed his eyes and hummed softly at the thought,
"Just the crew and the darkness and nothing ahead of us but an endless frontier."
Surprisingly, she found the thought to be more than a little comforting, and closed her eyes thinking about the vast reaches of blackness and the endless spinning galaxies.
"And while we are out, we can drop Conn into a pulsar."
He snorted,
“Why? Well first of for scientific reasons! If a marshmallow causes a nuclear blast, I wonder what dropping Conn would do… but at least he’d be dead.”
"That billowy bastard would survive and you know it."
She huffed,
"Still though, if I have to hear one more smug lecture how he has a child with you, I'm gonna wring his scrawny neck."
He grinned teeth flashing blue in the light,
"Is someone... Jealous?"
Sunny laughed, almost tipping him off the bed and onto the floor with her mirth,
"Yes Adam, I am totally jealous, really I am, ‘kay?. I mean who wouldn't want to have a child with YOU, big dumb, dork. Really the perfect place to put my superior genes."
"Superior genes, says someone who can't reach the top shelf."
She kicked him, foot clanging off his prosthetic,
"I am a foot taller than you."
He placed his hand next to his ear,
"What was that, I can't hear you over how short you are."
Sunny shook her head,
"At least I have binocular vision and both my knees."
"So we are gonna ignore that that binocular vision is due to a prosthetic now after the whole “your mom” incident? And also, veeery important: weird neck nostrils, don't forget about those!"
"Oh yes, so I can’t house them on my face like you and your bigass nose."
"Low blow, low blow."
"There are... Lower things... I could make fun of."
He snorted,
"Can't make fun of it if you've never seen it. You on the other hand, walking around in the nude..."
"You're welcome. Who wouldn't love…"
She gestured to herself,
"This."
"Mmm yeah... chitin, very sexy."
"I am a gift to the universe, and should be appreciated by everyone."
He brushed a hand through his hair,
"Well I find that real gifts are gift wrapped, so jot that down."
"Oh yeah, like a prank gift when you put something lame in a box for something cool."
He frowned at her,
"You wound me. My feelings are so very very hurt. I might even cry."
"I drink human tears."
"That… that's really gross.'
She laughed and then they lapsed into silence. She could hear him breathing quietly next to her in the darkness, his chest rising and falling under the ambient blue light. She looked across the room to where her saint armor was hanging in its climate-controlled case illuminated to a pearly sheen.
"Adam?"
"Yeah?”
"You know I'm just kidding about calling you dumb right?"
"Yeah I know."
"I'm proud of what you've been doing."
Adam turned to look at her rather incredulous,
"Me, of what? I haven't been doing shit."
"So, we are just going to ignore you overthrowing a maniacal politician while simultaneously piloting a 2,000 year old spacecraft?"
"That was more Conn and Eris than it was me."
"It was your idea."
"Let’s not forget Admiral Kelly."
Sunny pulled him closer,
"I am sorry, I will not be accepting anything other than you acknowledging that you did a good job."
"Screw you!”
"You'd like that wouldn't you?”
He sighed,
"You've been talking to Ramirez WAY too much."
She was only slightly smug as she rested her head back against the pillow,
"I really should get up and train..."
"We should yeah..."
Neither of them moved.
"Alternatively, we could just... Lay here... All day and do... nothing."
She looked up at the ceiling for a long moment and pretended to be in deep contemplation before…
"Well it's official, you have convinced me. You and your silver tongue."
"I am a master negotiator."
He shifted position putting one arm behind his head,
"Think about it, by this time tomorrow we will be back to space exploring and doing what we should have been doing all along. I can't wait."
"That makes two of us."
Want to find a specific one, see the whole list or check fanart?
Here is the link to the master-post.
Intro post by me
OC-whole collection
Patreon of the author
Obviously, I have Charlie’s permission to post this and for the people already knowing the stories, or starting to read them: If you follow the link and check out the story you will see some differences. I made some small (non-artistic) changes, mainly correcting writing mistakes, pronoun correction and some small additional info here and there of things which were not thought of/forgotten or even were added/changed in later stories (like the “USS->UNSC” prefix of Stabby, Chalar=/->Sunny etc). As well as some "biggemajor" changes in descriptions and info’s for the same stringency/continuity reason. That can be explained by the story collection being, well a story collection at the start with many standalone-stories just starring the same people, but later on it gets more to a stringent storyline with backstories and throwbacks. (For example Adam Vir has some HEAVY scars over his body, following his bones, which were not really talked about up till half the collection, where it says it covers his whole body and you find out via backflash that he had them the whole time and how he got them, they just weren't mentioned before. However, I would think a doctor would at least see these scars before that, especially since he gets analyzed, treated and goes shirtless/in T-shirts in some stories). So TLDR: Writing and some descriptions are slightly changed, with full OK from the author, since he himself did not bother to correct these things before.
2024.05.21 13:37 ExpensiveOrange443 How to Get Business to Show Up in Google Search FAST!
When I first started my journey into digital marketing, one of the biggest challenges I faced was figuring out how to get my business to show up in Google search results. The online landscape felt like an enormous, tangled jungle where my website seemed to be lost among the undergrowth. However, with determination and a few strategic moves, I managed to clear a path and make my business visible on Google.
Getting your business to show up in Google search isn't just about luck—it's about strategy, consistency, and understanding how Google works. The first crucial step is to claim and optimize your Google My Business (GMB) listing. This might seem basic, but it’s the cornerstone of local SEO. Think of GMB as your digital storefront; it’s the first impression many potential customers will have of your business. Ensure your business name, address, and phone number are accurate and up to date. Add high-quality photos, respond to reviews, and regularly update your business information.
I remember when I first updated my GMB listing. It was like flipping a switch—suddenly, my business started to show up more frequently in local searches. This small but significant step can make a huge difference, answering the question of how do you get your business to show up on Google search.
Next, let’s talk about your website. Your site needs to be optimized not only for search engines but also for the user experience. When people ask how to get my business to appear on Google, I tell them to start with their website’s content. Use relevant keywords naturally within your content. Don’t just stuff them in; they need to flow organically. For example, if you run a coffee shop, your blog posts might include phrases like “best coffee in [your city]” or “how to brew the perfect cup of coffee.” These keywords help Google understand what your site is about.
I once worked with a small bakery that struggled to get their website to show up on Google. We revamped their content, focusing on long-tail keywords and providing valuable, engaging information about baking techniques, recipes, and local sourcing. Slowly but surely, they began to climb the search rankings. Their persistence paid off, demonstrating that getting your business to appear on Google search business is not an overnight task but a gradual climb.
Another key aspect is backlinks. When other reputable websites link to your content, it signals to Google that your site is trustworthy and relevant. Think of it like this: if your website is a ship, backlinks are the wind in your sails. They push you forward in the vast ocean of the internet. Reach out to industry blogs, local news sites, or other businesses for guest posting opportunities or collaborations. These backlinks will boost your SEO significantly.
In the early days of my career, I focused on building relationships with local influencers and bloggers. Their mentions and links back to my site provided a significant boost, helping to answer that burning question of how do I get my business to show up in a Google search.
Furthermore, technical SEO cannot be ignored. Ensure your website is mobile-friendly, as Google now uses mobile-first indexing. This means that the mobile version of your site is considered the primary version. Speed is also crucial; a slow website can hurt your rankings. Use tools like Google PageSpeed Insights to test and improve your site’s load time.
I recall a time when a slow-loading website almost cost me a major client. After optimizing the images and cleaning up the code, the site’s speed improved drastically. It was a clear lesson in the importance of technical SEO for getting your website to show up on Google.
Lastly, always keep your audience engaged. Regularly update your website with fresh content. This could be blog posts, news about your business, or customer testimonials. Fresh content not only keeps your audience engaged but also tells Google that your site is active and relevant.
In summary, getting your business to show up in Google search involves a mix of claiming your Google My Business listing, optimizing your website content, building backlinks, focusing on technical SEO, and consistently updating your site. By taking these steps, you can ensure that when people search for your services, your business appears prominently in the results. This journey requires effort and patience, but the rewards—more visibility, more traffic, and ultimately, more customers—are well worth it.
So, if you’re wondering how to get your business to show up on Google, start with these foundational steps and watch your visibility grow.
Take Action Now: Want to see your business at the top of Google search? Find out how to get business to show up in Google search like a pro. Click here!
submitted by ExpensiveOrange443 to Rank_Local_Business [link] [comments]
Getting your business to show up in Google search isn't just about luck—it's about strategy, consistency, and understanding how Google works. The first crucial step is to claim and optimize your Google My Business (GMB) listing. This might seem basic, but it’s the cornerstone of local SEO. Think of GMB as your digital storefront; it’s the first impression many potential customers will have of your business. Ensure your business name, address, and phone number are accurate and up to date. Add high-quality photos, respond to reviews, and regularly update your business information.
I remember when I first updated my GMB listing. It was like flipping a switch—suddenly, my business started to show up more frequently in local searches. This small but significant step can make a huge difference, answering the question of how do you get your business to show up on Google search.
Next, let’s talk about your website. Your site needs to be optimized not only for search engines but also for the user experience. When people ask how to get my business to appear on Google, I tell them to start with their website’s content. Use relevant keywords naturally within your content. Don’t just stuff them in; they need to flow organically. For example, if you run a coffee shop, your blog posts might include phrases like “best coffee in [your city]” or “how to brew the perfect cup of coffee.” These keywords help Google understand what your site is about.
I once worked with a small bakery that struggled to get their website to show up on Google. We revamped their content, focusing on long-tail keywords and providing valuable, engaging information about baking techniques, recipes, and local sourcing. Slowly but surely, they began to climb the search rankings. Their persistence paid off, demonstrating that getting your business to appear on Google search business is not an overnight task but a gradual climb.
Another key aspect is backlinks. When other reputable websites link to your content, it signals to Google that your site is trustworthy and relevant. Think of it like this: if your website is a ship, backlinks are the wind in your sails. They push you forward in the vast ocean of the internet. Reach out to industry blogs, local news sites, or other businesses for guest posting opportunities or collaborations. These backlinks will boost your SEO significantly.
In the early days of my career, I focused on building relationships with local influencers and bloggers. Their mentions and links back to my site provided a significant boost, helping to answer that burning question of how do I get my business to show up in a Google search.
Furthermore, technical SEO cannot be ignored. Ensure your website is mobile-friendly, as Google now uses mobile-first indexing. This means that the mobile version of your site is considered the primary version. Speed is also crucial; a slow website can hurt your rankings. Use tools like Google PageSpeed Insights to test and improve your site’s load time.
I recall a time when a slow-loading website almost cost me a major client. After optimizing the images and cleaning up the code, the site’s speed improved drastically. It was a clear lesson in the importance of technical SEO for getting your website to show up on Google.
Lastly, always keep your audience engaged. Regularly update your website with fresh content. This could be blog posts, news about your business, or customer testimonials. Fresh content not only keeps your audience engaged but also tells Google that your site is active and relevant.
In summary, getting your business to show up in Google search involves a mix of claiming your Google My Business listing, optimizing your website content, building backlinks, focusing on technical SEO, and consistently updating your site. By taking these steps, you can ensure that when people search for your services, your business appears prominently in the results. This journey requires effort and patience, but the rewards—more visibility, more traffic, and ultimately, more customers—are well worth it.
So, if you’re wondering how to get your business to show up on Google, start with these foundational steps and watch your visibility grow.
Take Action Now: Want to see your business at the top of Google search? Find out how to get business to show up in Google search like a pro. Click here!
2024.05.21 13:18 FiveFrights FNaB Collaborative Sponsor: FNaF Overclocked
OVERCLOCKED brings in a series of FNaF enhancements.
FNaF 1 Overclocked - Endo 01 is now an active animatronic. He starts on Night 2 from The Backstage, and he then moves to Pirate's Cove, peeking out of the curtains. He then moves into the West Hall, and then... eventually, your office.
ALL CAMERAS THAT ENDO 01 CAN ENTER THAT ARE NOT REQUIRED
Show Stage (only whenever it is empty), Restrooms, East Hall (he cannot enter into your office from here), and sometimes, he will even appear with a suit made out of mix and matched animatronic parts.
The jumpscares have all been redone, now using the Security Breach jumpscare sound, and having their jumpscares be recreations of their FNaF 2 ones, especially Foxy's... The animatronics now appear as unwithered versions of how they appeared in FNaF 2.
FNaF 2 Overclocked - Shadow Freddy will sometimes (1/150,000 on Night 1, 1/125,000 on Night 2, 1/568 on Night 3, 1/16 on Night 4, and 1/12 on Nights 5, 6, and 7) appear on any of the cameras. You must quickly flip your monitor down, otherwise he will jumpscare you and kill you completely and entirely. Shadow Bonnie has these exact same chances to appear inside of your office, and if you do not shine your flashlight at him in order to make him fade away, he will jumpscare you and kill you completely and entirely.
The Music Box now goes down 25% slower, and it can be winded up from any camera. However, winding it on another camera will attract any nearby animatronics towards your office.
Withered Foxy now has these AI Levels for each respective night. (0/1/3/4/6/9...)...
Withered Freddy, Withered Bonnie, and Withered Chica can now enter the show stage if their Toy counterpart is not currently present there. Withered Freddy can now enter the Game Area. Withered Foxy can now be seen running down the main hall camera right before he appears inside of your office's hallway. Withered Foxy can now sometimes run to the Kid's Cove if Mangle is not in thereee.
The Safe Room Hideout Camera has also been added, and it is now found behind the show stage, wow. Surprisingly, I guess, huh..
submitted by FiveFrights to u/FiveFrights [link] [comments]
FNaF 1 Overclocked - Endo 01 is now an active animatronic. He starts on Night 2 from The Backstage, and he then moves to Pirate's Cove, peeking out of the curtains. He then moves into the West Hall, and then... eventually, your office.
ALL CAMERAS THAT ENDO 01 CAN ENTER THAT ARE NOT REQUIRED
Show Stage (only whenever it is empty), Restrooms, East Hall (he cannot enter into your office from here), and sometimes, he will even appear with a suit made out of mix and matched animatronic parts.
The jumpscares have all been redone, now using the Security Breach jumpscare sound, and having their jumpscares be recreations of their FNaF 2 ones, especially Foxy's... The animatronics now appear as unwithered versions of how they appeared in FNaF 2.
FNaF 2 Overclocked - Shadow Freddy will sometimes (1/150,000 on Night 1, 1/125,000 on Night 2, 1/568 on Night 3, 1/16 on Night 4, and 1/12 on Nights 5, 6, and 7) appear on any of the cameras. You must quickly flip your monitor down, otherwise he will jumpscare you and kill you completely and entirely. Shadow Bonnie has these exact same chances to appear inside of your office, and if you do not shine your flashlight at him in order to make him fade away, he will jumpscare you and kill you completely and entirely.
The Music Box now goes down 25% slower, and it can be winded up from any camera. However, winding it on another camera will attract any nearby animatronics towards your office.
Withered Foxy now has these AI Levels for each respective night. (0/1/3/4/6/9...)...
Withered Freddy, Withered Bonnie, and Withered Chica can now enter the show stage if their Toy counterpart is not currently present there. Withered Freddy can now enter the Game Area. Withered Foxy can now be seen running down the main hall camera right before he appears inside of your office's hallway. Withered Foxy can now sometimes run to the Kid's Cove if Mangle is not in thereee.
The Safe Room Hideout Camera has also been added, and it is now found behind the show stage, wow. Surprisingly, I guess, huh..
2024.05.21 12:19 Fun_Quote_9457 Hit Hard This Morning
Yeah... Just like the title says. So, two incidents I'd like to document so others can be mindful of when this occurs.
The first one took place about two weeks ago. I go to bed around 7/8 pm as I start work at 4 am. I laid down and was "put" to sleep immediately entering a dream state where I was already in a heightened state of anger. Only to be woken up enraged. The emotion I embodied in that dream state carried over into my awake state of mind within a matter of two minutes. I just laid in bed and repeatedly told them to, "fuck off," and "you're not going to get a reaction out of me."
Then last night, the same thing. Only a little different. The dream state of me being angry and anxious actually intertwined with my awake state this morning around 3:30am. While awake, I could still see the overlaying of an agitated dream version of myself wanting to flip out and scream while the voices where saying, "we're punching you in the face right now." But I said nothing until on my way to work. Then I let out a big grunty scream.
I don't wan't to scare my girlfriend and sleeping 14 month old daughter in the bed with me. It's 4:34 am now and everything is quiet. It's like they can't get to me anymore with words alone, so they run and abrasively operate within ever occurring dream sequences only to have me experience the emotion of that once dropped into it.
It was getting better for awhile. The past few weeks, I've been attempting to ignore them and move on in silence. This is either a test of some kind to see how I respond to anger or an act of disgust with me. Either way, I absolutely refuse to take medication or succumb to the temptation of relapsing. Fuck that. There's not a damn thing that anyone can do that will make ruin the life I've created with my family. They can astrally suck my nut sack. And in the end, I'm thankful. I'm thankful I'm strong enough to not respond in the moment. I'm thankful the words of others have no effect on me.
submitted by Fun_Quote_9457 to PositiveTI [link] [comments]
The first one took place about two weeks ago. I go to bed around 7/8 pm as I start work at 4 am. I laid down and was "put" to sleep immediately entering a dream state where I was already in a heightened state of anger. Only to be woken up enraged. The emotion I embodied in that dream state carried over into my awake state of mind within a matter of two minutes. I just laid in bed and repeatedly told them to, "fuck off," and "you're not going to get a reaction out of me."
Then last night, the same thing. Only a little different. The dream state of me being angry and anxious actually intertwined with my awake state this morning around 3:30am. While awake, I could still see the overlaying of an agitated dream version of myself wanting to flip out and scream while the voices where saying, "we're punching you in the face right now." But I said nothing until on my way to work. Then I let out a big grunty scream.
I don't wan't to scare my girlfriend and sleeping 14 month old daughter in the bed with me. It's 4:34 am now and everything is quiet. It's like they can't get to me anymore with words alone, so they run and abrasively operate within ever occurring dream sequences only to have me experience the emotion of that once dropped into it.
It was getting better for awhile. The past few weeks, I've been attempting to ignore them and move on in silence. This is either a test of some kind to see how I respond to anger or an act of disgust with me. Either way, I absolutely refuse to take medication or succumb to the temptation of relapsing. Fuck that. There's not a damn thing that anyone can do that will make ruin the life I've created with my family. They can astrally suck my nut sack. And in the end, I'm thankful. I'm thankful I'm strong enough to not respond in the moment. I'm thankful the words of others have no effect on me.
2024.05.21 12:18 Stage-Piercing727 Best Coleman Electric Grill
 | submitted by Stage-Piercing727 to u/Stage-Piercing727 [link] [comments] https://preview.redd.it/m4bb6mg99r1d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=69ff7eb8ac085c8f9ae5886359a374bdc5159104 Welcome to our comprehensive roundup featuring the top Coleman Electric Grills! Explore our selection of the finest outdoor cooking appliances, designed with convenience and versatility in mind. Join us as we dive into the world of electric grilling and uncover the best options perfect for your next barbecue gathering. The Top 19 Best Coleman Electric Grill
Reviews🔗Coleman Roadtrip 24" Portable Electric Griddle with Folding Steel Legs and Integrated Lidhttps://preview.redd.it/htxmtcr99r1d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=7dec53cffb2d0903bfec3316ad5dd768ea30b06c Imagine having a portable griddle that you can take on all your camping adventures, effortlessly cooking up a storm of delicious meals in the great outdoors. That's exactly what the Coleman Roadtrip Griddle XLT provides, with its easy-collapsing steel scissor legs that make for a smooth transition from storing to cooking and quick setup. It's the ultimate companion for your camping needs, featuring a 24-inch cooking surface that heats up to 20,000 BTUs - more than enough to cater to a crowd and evenly heat your food. The smooth, rolled carbon steel griddle cooktop pre-seasoned to prevent rust offers an efficient cooking experience, making it a breeze to clean up afterwards thanks to the removable rear grease tray. Now, while it's a fantastic piece of equipment for outdoor cooking, it does have a few drawbacks. Its weight and size might pose a challenge when trying to transport it, especially when you're not in the midst of a spacious camping area. Plus, you'll need to dedicate some time and patience to maintaining the griddle after each use – a task that even the most seasoned barbecue enthusiasts might find a bit daunting. Overall, the Coleman Roadtrip Griddle XLT offers a fantastic combination of portability, versatility, and power, making it the perfect addition to your camping inventory. However, be prepared to tackle some minor challenges along the way, such as its bulkiness and the time-consuming maintenance processes. 🔗Portable Coleman Camp Grill for Easy Outdoor Cookinghttps://preview.redd.it/p88cmbr99r1d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=7cd7976a2b1ee23c09a88e0705684c898b467404 I recently took the Coleman Deluxe Camp Grill on a camping trip with my friends. We were excited to try out this grill, as it seemed like a simple and convenient option for cooking over a campfire. One of the first things we noticed was how sturdy and well-built it was. It's made from nickel-plated steel, which gave us confidence in its ability to handle the heat and the elements. The grill can be used either standing over the flames or laid flat on top of the fire, which was a useful feature that we appreciated. Now, let's talk about the drawbacks. The grill has two sizes of holes, and we found that the larger ones were too big, causing our burgers to fall through when we were trying to flip them. We also thought it would be better if all the holes were the same size, as it would have made cooking more efficient. Despite these minor issues, the Coleman Deluxe Camp Grill was a convenient and reliable option for our camping trip. It was easy to transport and fold up flat for storage, which made it a great choice for traveling. Overall, we were happy with our experience using this grill and would recommend it to others looking for a simple and convenient cooking tool for camping trips. 🔗Coleman Fold N Go Portable Grill: Perfect for On-the-Go Cookinghttps://preview.redd.it/qp6edj0a9r1d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=4b06dfea0c3bff8f6e96b5928e1c7f88d9cb6aaa I recently tried the Coleman Fold N Go Portable Grill, and let me tell you, it was a game-changer for my outdoor cooking adventures. As a busy mom who loves to cook, this little grill proved to be perfect for my on-the-go meals. The first thing that stood out to me was its built-in handle, which made it incredibly easy to transport and store. The design was compact and lightweight, making it an ideal companion for weekend camping trips or a quick dinner on my deck. The InstaStart button was a highlight of my experience. Say goodbye to lighting a match or dealing with a lighter – this grill fires up with just the push of a button. Plus, the adjustable horseshoe burner allowed me to have precise temperature control, ensuring my burgers and hotdogs turned out perfectly cooked every time. However, there were a couple of downsides. The grill wasn't the most durable, with a few users reporting issues with the lid latch. Additionally, the porcelain coating on the grate was not as sturdy as I would have hoped, which made it more challenging to clean up after use. Overall, the Coleman Fold N Go Portable Grill is an excellent option for those looking for a small, portable grill for their adventures or to use at home. With easy-to-use features like InstaStart and a adjustable burner, this grill makes outdoor cooking a breeze. But, potential buyers should be aware of the durability issues and the need to handle the grill with care. 🔗Compact Portable Coleman Instastart Grill for Outdoor Cookinghttps://preview.redd.it/9q9r5nka9r1d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=84947834d2eb7c21a79690910fc8b86e5baafc29 The Coleman Instastart Propane Party Grill was designed to bring the party anywhere; with its compact and lightweight design, this grill is perfect for tailgating, camping, or just hanging out in the backyard. One of its highlights is the 8,000-BTU burner control system that offers a perfect touch of heat, whether you're cooking up some steaks or just toasting some marshmallows. The grill itself is easy to assemble and even easier to clean. The components are dishwasher-safe, making your post-cooking chores a breeze. I especially loved the feature that allows the legs to detach and fit inside the grill for easy storage and transportation. Despite its many merits, there were a few drawbacks. Firstly, the grill's surface is prone to sticking and food could roll off quite easily. Additionally, the grill's performance varied; in some instances, the heat was unevenly distributed. The grill top, too, was a disappointment; the supplied one was too small and didn't fit properly. In conclusion, the Coleman Instastart Propane Party Grill is a convenient and portable solution for those who want to grill or cook on-the-go. While it could use a few tweaks, such as a better grill top and even heat distribution, overall it does its job and makes for a fun addition to any get-together. 🔗Coleman Roadtrip Steel Portable Griddle: Versatile, Powerful Outdoor Cooking Solutionhttps://preview.redd.it/1fmhobra9r1d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=9d6806264412569f67d2744b5209184d5fe76e23 During my recent camping trip, I decided to bring along the Coleman Roadtrip Steel Portable Griddle, which I had heard great things about for its versatility and ease of use. I was particularly drawn to its 19-inch rolled carbon steel griddle cooktop, as it promised to cook up to 10 hamburgers at once with a whopping 14,000 BTUs of power. Setting it up was a breeze; the scissor legs folded down effortlessly, and the two sturdy wheels made transportation an absolute cinch. I found the cooking surface incredibly smooth, which made flipping burgers a breeze. The griddle performed admirably, cooking evenly across its surface, much to my satisfaction. One aspect that stood out, however, was the product's cleanliness. Its smooth surface proved a snap to clean, while the removable grease tray ensured a mess-free experience both during and after cooking. Despite the initial assembly struggle mentioned by a reviewer, overall, I found the Coleman Roadtrip Griddle to be a fantastic choice for campers and backyard enthusiasts alike. The combination of its easy transport, even cooking heat distribution, and quick start mechanism make it a standout among portable griddles. My only caveat would be its weight, which while not a deal breaker, can make it a tad cumbersome to maneuver alone. 🔗Smokeless Electric Grill by Gotham Steel - Luxurious Grilling Experiencehttps://preview.redd.it/uy8w6h9b9r1d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=85fc336ce039792ba4b244e2017c8fb922be0bc3 I recently tried the Gotham Steel 1619 Smokeless Electric Grill and was thoroughly impressed with its capabilities. Its large size and brown color made it a perfect addition to my kitchen, and it was easy to maneuver around thanks to its lightweight design. One of the most outstanding features of this grill is its smokeless technology, ensuring that my kitchen was always free of the usual grilling smoke. The electric heating element cooked my food evenly and quickly, while the non-stick surface made cleaning a breeze. However, there was one downside to this otherwise fantastic grill - its size. While it's great for large gatherings, it can be quite bulky and take up a significant amount of counter space. Overall, the Gotham Steel 1619 Smokeless Electric Grill is a fantastic kitchen appliance that offers fast, even cooking with minimal mess. Although its bulkiness may be a drawback for some, it's a small price to pay for its impressive performance and ease of use. 🔗Portable Coleman Grill for Camping and Outdoor Adventureshttps://preview.redd.it/i9r3hkib9r1d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=e8dbcb6cd76c1218bc6c9e92f23d791e3e14657a I recently tried out the Coleman Portable Propane Grill during a camping trip, and I have to say, it made cooking in the great outdoors a breeze. I loved how versatile this grill is; perfect for camping, hunting, or tailgating. The heat output was impressive, with 11,000 BTUs of power across the 180 square inch grilling surface. One of the features that really stood out to me was the PerfectHeat technology. It ensures efficient cooking using less fuel, which is great when you're out in the wilderness. The PerfectFlow technology also shines in extreme conditions, providing consistent performance across all weather scenarios. Another handy feature was the WindBlock panels that help shield your flame from the wind. However, during calmer days, they fold down easily to serve as side tables. The removable grease management system is also a plus, making cleanup a breeze. One thing I noticed wasn't perfect was the durability of the grill top. I had heard warnings about it, but mine unfortunately warped after just a few uses. This resulted in it being unable to close properly. Despite this minor setback, the Coleman Portable Propane Grill proved to be a reliable and convenient companion for our outdoor adventures. It's perfect for creating the ideal meal, anywhere and anytime. 🔗Cuisinart Smoke-Less Contact Griddler: Versatile Indoor Griller for Delicious Grilled Mealshttps://preview.redd.it/h3r3vexb9r1d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=bd762ff30dc9809ce07d5e038cd024531705a028 I recently had the pleasure of using the Cuisinart GR-6S Contact Smoke-Less Mode Griddler in my own kitchen. Honestly, it brought a whole new dimension to my indoor grilling game. The smokeless feature made grilling indoors a breeze without filling my apartment with smoke. One of the first things I noticed was the adjustable temperatures. It made it incredibly easy to get the perfect sear on my steaks, evenly brown my pancakes, and cook each dish to perfection without overcooking or undercooking. The LCD display and digital controls were quite user-friendly and made selecting the desired temperature a snap. Yet, there was a bit of a learning curve in the beginning. Now, the highlight of the Griddler was the DuoControl Heating Advantage. I could independently control the temperature on the upper and lower plates. I used this to cook a variety of dishes like fish, poultry, and veggies. However, it did require some trial and error to figure out the ideal temperatures for each dish. I also loved the removable drip tray and the nonstick dishwasher-safe plates. Cleanup was a breeze, which was a great thing considering how much I used the griddler. The capacity was fairly small, but as I said, it was made to handle a couple of sandwiches at a time. However, there were a couple of issues. Firstly, the bottom plate didn't cook evenly when both the top and bottom had the same temperature. To fix this, I had to play around with the temperatures to get the right results. Also, the cooking surface was quite small, but considering its compact design, it made sense. The construction was sturdy and, in fact, exceeded my expectations. The silver color made it a great addition to my kitchen, adding a certain visual appeal. The appliance held up well against daily use, proving to be quite durable. However, the design was a bit of a challenge to understand right out of the box. Overall, I found the Cuisinart GR-6S Contact Smoke-Less Mode Griddler a joy to use. It added a touch of innovation to my grilling routines and was a great addition to my kitchen appliances collection. Even with its minor flaws, it certainly delivered in terms of quality and performance. 🔗Brookstone IndooOutdoor Electric Grill for Charcoal-Free Cookinghttps://preview.redd.it/is0c5pbc9r1d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=2c7c2e448950a636427cb8cc52042f963aaf93b2 I recently had the opportunity to try out the Brookstone Indoor, Outdoor Electric Grill. It's been great as a home grilling solution since it doesn't require charcoal or propane. My first time using it, I grilled some chicken, and the flavors just popped. The two heating zones provided precise temperature control, allowing me to achieve that authentic grilled taste. However, I found the cleanup process a bit challenging as grease collected in the drip tray, making it a hassle to keep everything clean. Regardless, the grill's stainless-steel design and sleek outdoor cover made it a worthwhile addition to my outdoor cooking setup. 🔗Portable Coleman Gas Grill for the Ultimate Grilling Experiencehttps://preview.redd.it/9s8q3ixc9r1d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=5d281a7be71b37ac8e6456512c0dc2d8171eea02 I recently tried out the Coleman PerfectFlow InstaStart Gas Grill for a weekend camping trip. It was a breeze to set up, and with just a push of a button, the grill was up and running in no time. The convenient matchless lighting system really stood out to me, as it made starting the grill a hassle-free experience. One of the biggest pros of this grill is its durability. The steel-crafted body is tough and can withstand various outdoor elements without any issues. Plus, on those calm days, the shields fold down as side tables, providing extra work space. However, I did encounter a few cons during my time with the grill. Firstly, the drip tray wasn't the most effective. It seemed to catch grease well but can be a bit messy to clean. Secondly, the grill plate occasionally caused some difficulty in achieving an even cook. Despite a few minor drawbacks, the Coleman PerfectFlow InstaStart Gas Grill has proven to be a reliable companion for me on my camping trips. So, if you're looking for a portable, convenient, and durable grill for your outdoor adventures, this might just be the one for you. 🔗Hamilton Beach IndooOutdoor Grill for Healthy and Delicious Cookinghttps://preview.redd.it/u71si0ad9r1d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=038fc94f009e016400e670f8d4653d5f121eefdc I recently tried out the Hamilton Beach IndooOutdoor Grill and was quite impressed by its performance. This grill was a game-changer in my household as it allowed me to enjoy juicy, flavorful grilled meats without having to step outside in the elements. The nonstick cooking surface was a standout feature as it made cleanup a breeze, unlike my old grill that could be a hassle to clean. One of the things that stood out the most was the temperature control. It made it super easy to adjust the heat to my liking, ensuring that my food was perfectly cooked every time. The even heat distribution was also noticeable - no more burnt burgers or overcooked steaks! However, there were a couple of drawbacks I encountered. Although it's compact and portable, it took a little longer to heat up compared to my outdoor grill. Additionally, some users have mentioned issues with the grill's durability, but I haven't experienced any problems myself yet. Overall, the Hamilton Beach IndooOutdoor Grill is a fantastic product that has made an excellent addition to my kitchen. Its easy-to-clean features, exceptional temperature control, and even heat distribution make it a worthwhile investment for any grilling enthusiast. 🔗Portable Camping Grill/Stove with Wind Protection and Easy Clean-Uphttps://preview.redd.it/8t6383wd9r1d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=7812e3bd449255c4bc638b4b6a7cf7d8f71e6c3e I recently tried out the Coleman PerfectFlow Portable Camp Propane Grill/Stove, and I must say, it has been a game-changer during my camping trips. The ability to use it as both a stove and a grill at the same time is such a convenient feature. One thing that really stands out is the wind block system. It ensures that the burners aren't affected by wind, which is a common issue when cooking outdoors. The propane pressure control technology also makes sure that the cooking surface generates up to 10,000 BTUs of cooking power. However, there are a few downsides. The non-stick surface, while easy to clean, can sometimes be a bit tricky to handle while cooking. Additionally, the dimensions might be a bit bigger than expected, so it could take up more space than anticipated. Overall, I've had a positive experience with the Coleman PerfectFlow Portable Camp Propane Grill/Stove. It's a reliable and versatile option for those who love camping and cooking outdoors. 🔗Compact Coleman Propane Grill/Stove for Camping Adventureshttps://preview.redd.it/1d3m600e9r1d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=8d94769264ab5b92369be18d6c2cb02eb5c6d6f4 A Coleman Tabletop Propane Gas Camping 2-in-1 Grill/Stove 2-Burner Gray has been my go-to grilling companion during recent camping trips. The convenience of cooking multiple meals simultaneously while occupying minimal space is truly a game-changer. The best aspect of this grill is its versatility - it enables me to whip up a quick skillet meal or sear some burgers all at once, making it a perfect companion in the kitchen. Additionally, the grill surface fits a 10-inch pan, providing ample room for larger dishes. However, I did encounter a minor inconvenience with the stove's design. The stove surface cannot accommodate a larger pot, rendering it unsuitable for preparing larger meals. Overall, I am pleased with the Coleman Tabletop Propane Gas Camping 2-in-1 Grill/Stove 2-Burner Gray, as it has significantly streamlined my camping cooking experience. Despite the limitation with the stove's surface, its versatility and functionality make it a valuable addition to my camping gear. 🔗Portable Coleman Grill for Campinghttps://preview.redd.it/rdk3enhe9r1d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=60efa9cf5a991e3d959041405229df0a85d66d2c The Coleman NXT 200 Portable Grill has been my trusty companion for countless camping trips and backyard barbecues. Its 20,000 BTUs of cooking intensity and 321 square inches of grilling space make it perfect for cooking up a storm, whether you're making burgers for the whole family or whipping up a quick meal on the go. There are a few aspects of this grill that really stand out in my experience. First and foremost, its durability is top-notch. It's been with me through wind, rain, and snow, and it still performs like a champ. The materials used in its construction are of the highest quality, ensuring that it can withstand the elements and remain functional for years to come. However, there are a couple of things that could use some improvement. One major drawback is the size and weight of the grill. It can be a bit of a struggle to transport it, especially if you're on your own. It's not exactly a lightweight option, so be prepared for a bit of heft when you're moving it from place to place. Another area where this grill could use some work is the availability of accessories. Some users have reported difficulty in finding certain attachments, like the griddle, which can limit the versatility of the grill. It would be great if there were more options available for those looking to expand their cooking capabilities. Overall, the Coleman NXT 200 Portable Grill is a reliable and powerful grill that has served me well in a variety of situations. It's a bit cumbersome to transport and accessory availability can be hit or miss, but if you're in the market for a dependable and efficient grill, this one fits the bill. Buyer's GuideA Coleman Electric Grill is a convenient and versatile option for those seeking an effortless outdoor cooking experience. These grills come in various sizes and configurations, making it essential to consider several factors before making your purchase. Here are some important considerations to help you choose the right Coleman Electric Grill to suit your needs.Power Source & Portabilityhttps://preview.redd.it/yrjdws5h9r1d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=3dae36e27d2149c5c61c0ba8938ee85b1abcfd90 The power source of the grill is a crucial factor to consider, as it will determine how you use it and where. Coleman Electric Grills come with different power sources: 120 volts AC (standard household), 240 volts AC (requires a dedicated outdoor outlet), or portable options powered by propane or natural gas. Decide on the power source that will work best for you based on your electricity access and mobility needs. Cooking Surface Size & CapacityThe size of the cooking surface and capacity of the grill will influence the amount of food you can cook at once. Coleman Electric Grills offer various cooking surface options, ranging from 120 square inches to over 600 square inches. Determine the size you'll need to accommodate your cooking requirements and the number of people you plan to serve.Heating Elements & Cooking SettingsConsider the heating elements and cooking settings when selecting a Coleman Electric Grill. Many models offer individual heat settings for each burner, allowing you to control temperature zones for different cooking needs. Look for grills with adjustable heat output settings or temperature probes for more precise cooking results. https://preview.redd.it/mtykokch9r1d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=e06c45d3dbd9ef3319dbef92c873a5383ce14d4b Additional FeaturesAdditional features may also influence your decision. Some Coleman Electric Grills come with features such as side burners, warming racks, lighted control knobs, and even built-in refrigerators or beverage coolers. Weigh these features against your needs and budget to make the best choice.Maintenance & CleaningEasy maintenance and cleaning are vital aspects of an electric grill. Look for grills with removable parts for simple cleaning, durable materials that withstand heat, and grease management systems to keep your grill in top condition.Cost & Warrantyhttps://preview.redd.it/umzqv3th9r1d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=62336d28f1c3448deb038f361e0b55f8ef099c81 Your budget will play a significant role in determining your purchasing options. Compare prices and find the best value for your money. Additionally, consider the warranty offered by the manufacturer, as it will provide peace of mind and help protect your investment in the long run. By taking all these factors into account, you can confidently choose the perfect Coleman Electric Grill to suit your outdoor cooking needs. FAQWhat is the Coleman Electric Grill?The Coleman Electric Grill is a portable grill that utilizes electric heating elements instead of traditional gas or charcoal. It is designed for convenience and ease of use, making it a popular choice for outdoor cooking and tailgating. https://preview.redd.it/i22bvp9i9r1d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=118530c7ebb5825e3e88ab6b6c51fd9e225b2ea5 What are the key features of the Coleman Electric Grill?
What types of food can I cook on the Coleman Electric Grill?You can cook a variety of foods on the Coleman Electric Grill, including burgers, hot dogs, steaks, chicken, fish, and even vegetables. The grill's consistent heat and even cooking surface make it perfect for a wide range of delicious outdoor cooking options.What are the benefits of electric grills compared to traditional gas or charcoal grills?
What maintenance is required for the Coleman Electric Grill?The Coleman Electric Grill requires minimal maintenance, as it uses electric heating elements and a non-stick cooking surface. Simply wipe down the cooking surface and grill grates after each use, and empty the grease tray as needed. Regular cleaning of the grill and ensuring it is stored properly will help to extend its lifespan.How do I light the Coleman Electric Grill?Most Coleman Electric Grills do not require lighting, as they use electric heating elements instead of open flames. Simply plug in the grill, set the desired heat setting, and allow it to reach the desired temperature before cooking.What is the warranty period on the Coleman Electric Grill?Coleman typically offers a one-year warranty on their electric grills, although this can vary depending on the specific model and the retailer it was purchased from. It is always a good idea to check with the retailer or contact Coleman's customer service for the most up-to-date information on product warranties.As an Amazon™ Associate, we earn from qualifying purchases. |
2024.05.21 11:49 Count-Daring243 Best Cold Steel Smatchet
 | submitted by Count-Daring243 to u/Count-Daring243 [link] [comments] https://preview.redd.it/pksvc1n24r1d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b7bbd87f65c9604c366faad3911ca9f003c0990f In the world of blades, the Cold Steel Smatchet has made a name for itself. Known for its versatility and quality, this product has caught the attention of many. In this article, we will delve into the unique features and benefits of the Cold Steel Smatchet, showcasing why it has become a popular choice among customers. Come with us as we explore the world of blades and discover what makes the Cold Steel Smatchet stand out from the rest. The Top 20 Best Cold Steel Smatchet
Reviews🔗Stanley Quick Flip Go Water Bottle: 24 oz., Tigerlily, Dishwasher Safehttps://preview.redd.it/70u2s2334r1d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=f71c05c8affa7a4c94dfbb6b87590203cbfc4684 As a product reviewer, I've had the pleasure of trying out the Stanley 24 oz. Quick Flip Go Water Bottle in the Tigerlily color. This water bottle has become a staple in my daily routine. The first thing that caught my eye was its sleek design – perfect for carrying on the go. The double-wall vacuum insulation is a real game-changer. Whether I'm sipping on iced water in the summer or a hot cup of tea in the winter, the temperature remains consistent for hours. One feature I particularly appreciate is the trigger-action lid. It's easy to use and helps prevent spills, making it great for when I'm on the move. Plus, the fact that it's dishwasher safe is a lifesaver. No more scrubbing by hand! However, there are a couple of downsides. Firstly, the weight of the bottle can be a bit of a struggle for those who prefer a lighter option. Secondly, the dimensions might not fit all car cup holders, which can be a hassle during road trips. Overall, the Stanley Quick Flip Go Water Bottle has been a reliable companion in my everyday life. Its combination of style, functionality, and durability make it a must-have for anyone looking for a reliable water bottle. 🔗Cold Steel Heavy Duty Nylon Cane with Rubber Ferrulehttps://preview.redd.it/v48i5gn34r1d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=64aac772c9910fa7f43dc2f916fb8b53b380e7fc I've been using the Cold Steel Heavy Duty Cane in my daily life, and it has proven to be quite the companion. The nylon handle provides an enhanced grip that makes it convenient to hold, while the steel construction ensures structural strength for long-term use. I particularly appreciate the rubber ferrule, which is designed to be slip-resistant, making it an excellent choice for uneven terrain or icy sidewalks. One downside is that it might be a bit heavy for some people, especially those who don't need the extra weight for support. However, the overall design and engineering of the cane are top-notch, and it gives me a sense of reassurance knowing I have a sturdy and reliable walking staff whenever I need it. 🔗Cold Steel Special Forces Shovel: Robust, Stainless Steel Outdoor Essentialhttps://preview.redd.it/onud1it34r1d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=19aa78d8c58949aae696362f44a26b21b9da0dca This past summer, I found myself on a weekend camping trip and realized I didn't pack a shovel. I needed to dig a small trench around my campsite to divert water. Luckily, a friend had a Cold Steel Special Forces Shovel that he let me borrow. On the first day, he taught me how to use it. The edge was sharp, and the handle felt sturdy. I was surprised by how strong it was. I struggled a bit at first, but it didn't take long before I was able to dig the trench. After returning from the camping trip and reflecting on the weekend, I realized that the shovel had some flaws. Firstly, it was a bit heavy for a camping trip, and I felt it could cause strain on my back over time. Secondly, it didn't come with a sheath, which was inconvenient since I had to keep it in my vehicle's trunk, where it took up too much space. Despite these issues, I still appreciated the durability of the Cold Steel Special Forces Shovel. It was clear that it was designed for heavy-duty tasks. The edge remained sharp even after I used it heavily. The wooden handle felt comfortable to hold, even though it was a bit on the thick side. Overall, the Cold Steel Special Forces Shovel was a functional tool, but it could be improved for camping trips or situations where portability is a priority. 🔗Cold Steel Smatchet: Deluxe Edition for Playstation 5https://preview.redd.it/duzypj644r1d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=4feb4a7502a34a0974f6539f3524c5dc9b0652ab As someone who thoroughly enjoyed diving into the Legend of Heroes: Trails of Cold Steel III and IV, let me share my experience with this dynamic duo. The deluxe edition for Playstation 5 was a refreshing return to the rich world of Erebonia, where war hero Rean Schwarzer began his new life as an instructor at Thors Military Academy's branch campus. What stood out to me was how the game expertly handled the aftermath of the Erebonian Civil War and introduced new threats to keep the story alive. Delving into it with the improved RPG gameplay on PlayStation 5 made my journey even more immersive. Plus, the cosmetic DLC available with these iterations ensured that every member of my party was looking their best, adding a unique touch to the experience. However, like any other game, it wasn't all smooth sailing. There were moments that were a bit challenging, but overall, the Legend of Heroes: Trails of Cold Steel III and IV truly delivered an engaging experience that I thoroughly enjoyed as a fan of the genre. 🔗Heavy Duty Cold Grease Remover for Effortless Cleaninghttps://preview.redd.it/u3w4xrr44r1d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=c04c7764c1fb93b8481b812e63772b4366bf500d As a home cook who's always experimenting with new recipes and kitchen tools, I've found myself in a bit of a pickle when it comes to removing stubborn grease from my appliances. That's why I was thrilled to try the Shumanit Cold Grease Remover. Right off the bat, I found it remarkable how quickly this cold grease remover works. No need for a heat source or any harsh chemicals. In fact, it's effective on all sorts of surfaces - my oven, pots, frying pans, baking trays, stainless steel dishes, cooking surfaces, steam extractors, and even hard-to-clean vents. I've had my fair share of leaky packages in the past, but the Shumanit Cold Grease Remover was surprisingly well-packed. It comes in a sturdy plastic bottle with a trigger spray that's easy to use. The product has a delightful citrus smell that lifts the spirits while I'm getting my hands dirty in the kitchen. Plus, the grease and grime just seem to vanish as if by magic. However, there's one small downside to my Shumanit experience. On one occasion, the package was partially leaking, which made me worry about the condition of the other products in the batch. I just hope it was a one-time issue and not a trend. To sum up, the Shumanit Cold Grease Remover is a truly versatile and effective grease and grime remover. It's a lifesaver for anyone who values a sparkling clean kitchen. Let's just hope the packaging improves in the future. 🔗Insulated Stanley Classic Legendary Bottle: Perfect for Outdoor Adventureshttps://preview.redd.it/94c0sq154r1d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=5e05bc9a8d38beb755f6ee94776ff2533d2ed8d3 The Stanley Classic Legendary Bottle is a versatile and durable companion for any outdoor excursion. It's been a part of my camping adventures for years, ensuring that my beverages stay the perfect temperature no matter the weather. The thick stainless steel walls not only keep my iced drinks cold for two days but also keep my hot beverages warm for up to two weeks. Plus, the leak-proof lid doubles as a cup, providing a convenient and easy-to-use option for sipping on the go. The 2.5-quart capacity is ideal for sharing drinks with friends or keeping a large quantity of your favorite beverage at the ready. I've washed my Stanley Classic Legendary Bottle in the dishwasher without any concerns about rust or BPA exposure, and it continues to perform as well as it did on day one. Overall, the Stanley Classic Legendary Bottle has become an essential part of my outdoor gear, and I can't imagine spending time in nature without it. 🔗Stanley Vacuum Insulated 1.5qt Bottle: Leakproof and Durable for Any Adventurehttps://preview.redd.it/hv1cfgh54r1d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=92c3e83a1e6ed9bde65bd49c95962c0425bd9025 For my outdoor adventures, the Stanley Legendary Classic Bottle 1.5qt Habitat has truly been a game-changer. This insulated beverage container ensures my drinks remain at the perfect temperature for hours on end, whether I'm savoring a hot cup of coffee on a chilly morning or enjoying an icy beverage on a sweltering day. One of my favorite features is the stainless steel construction, which not only makes the bottle sturdy and durable but also ensures it's free of BPA, a nice touch for any health-conscious individual. The double-wall vacuum insulation, another key highlight, works wonders in keeping my beverages at their desired temperatures, even in extreme conditions. However, I found that the bottle can be quite difficult to clean, especially along the insulated areas. Additionally, the screw cap lid, while functional, can be a bit tricky to twist off after a while, depending on the grip strength. These minor inconveniences aside, the Stanley Legendary Classic Bottle has proven to be an indispensable companion on all my outdoor excursions. 🔗Versatile Cold Welding Formula for Robust Bondshttps://preview.redd.it/4ogfz5u54r1d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=c4866a573a4c06607a53a48abca3bb57ecd3aa95 Recently, I got my hands on the J-B Weld Original Cold-Weld Formula Steel Reinforced Epoxy. I was intrigued by the fact that it could serve as an inexpensive alternative to welding, soldering, and brazing. To my surprise, this versatile epoxy proved to be a game-changer in my daily life. One of the most impressive features of the J-B Weld epoxy is its water-resistant nature. I used it to seal a leak in my water pipe, and it worked like a charm. The epoxy's petroleum and chemical resistance made it perfect for my project, as it withstood various tests without any damage. Another standout feature of this product is its non-toxic and safe-to-use nature. I used it to fix my child's broken toy, and its safety made me feel more comfortable. However, I did notice that the mixing ratio of the epoxy is quite sensitive. One must be cautious not to deviate too far from the 1-1 ratio of liquid steel/epoxy resin and the hardener. A slight miscalculation could result in a weaker bond or the need for reapplication. In conclusion, the J-B Weld Original Cold-Weld Formula Steel Reinforced Epoxy is a must-have for DIY enthusiasts and professionals alike. Its ease of use, remarkable strength, and versatility make it a standout product in its category. Despite the minor drawback of the mixing ratio, the benefits far outweigh the inconvenience. 🔗Insulated Bottle for Long-Lasting Beverageshttps://preview.redd.it/hjiqws764r1d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=778b7036f610f7931a5d1bf47b1544b1da25f09e I recently put the Stanley Classic to the test on an outing to the mountains. This bottle is a true companion for outdoor enthusiasts, with its impressive 18/8 stainless steel construction and BPA-free design. The 1.5 quart capacity means it can handle all types of drinks, from hot coffee to icy coolers, and keep them at the optimal temperature for up to two days. The folding handle is a clever added feature that allows for easy carrying without the risk of it rolling away. One of the standout features of this bottle is its leakproof design, making it a reliable option for packing in a backpack or storing in a truck bed. The wide mouth also makes it easy to fill and clean, which is especially helpful for those who enjoy making their own homemade brews. However, I did notice that the bottle is quite heavy, weighing in at 2 pounds, making it more challenging to carry for longer periods of time. Overall, the Stanley Classic is an excellent investment for those who love spending time outdoors and need a reliable companion to keep their drinks at the perfect temperature. 🔗Portable Insulated Water Bottle with Silicone Strawhttps://preview.redd.it/l5lg54i64r1d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=e07172bcc88a069950d96dd4cfb862f209f40f40 I recently had the chance to put the Cooper Stainless Steel Water Bottle to the test, and I have to say, it impressed me with its performance. The most standout feature of this water bottle is its ability to keep drinks cold for an impressive amount of time. I often struggle to find a water bottle that can truly keep my beverage chilled all day long, but this one did just that. The double-walled and vacuum insulated design does an excellent job of maintaining the temperature of the liquid inside. Another feature I appreciated is the leak-proof lid. No matter how rough I was with it, it never leaked once. The one-touch silicone push button locking mechanism helped keep my bag and clothes dry, while the straw was a fun and convenient addition. Cleaning it was also a breeze, thanks to the top rack dishwasher safe lids and BPA-free materials. However, I did experience a downside with the product - it isn't suitable for hot beverages. If you're someone who prefers drinking tea or coffee, this may not be the best option for you. Additionally, I found it slightly difficult to fit the bottle in my usual cup holders, which can be inconvenient during travel or at the gym. Overall, the Cooper Stainless Steel Water Bottle did an incredible job of keeping my drinks cold and providing a leak-proof, easy-to-clean design. Although there were minor drawbacks, I still enjoyed its benefits and would definitely recommend it to anyone looking for a reliable and stylish water bottle. 🔗Stanley 1.1 Qt. Legendary Classic Canteen - BPA-Free Stainless Steelhttps://preview.redd.it/fva5u8074r1d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=021a8e122aa23b47e0dbf977a9a0b77939f8066e I recently had the chance to try out the Stanley 1.1 Qt. Classic Canteen, a 18/8 stainless steel bottle that promises to be leakproof, packable, and perfect for outdoor use. At first glance, the canteen looks sleek and sturdy, with a classic design that makes it easy to hold and carry around. It comes equipped with a removeable carrying strap that keeps your hands free and adds a touch of style to the canteen. One of the standout features of this canteen is its non-insulated stainless steel material, which allows for easy packing while still offering a decent capacity for your favorite beverage. However, I found that the lack of insulation means that the canteen doesn't retain temperature as well as I would have liked. While it's fine for day-to-day use, it's not ideal for taking on long hikes or camping trips where maintaining the temperature of your drink is important. Another downside to the canteen is the attached cap, which can be a bit tricky to open and close, especially with one hand. Though I appreciate the convenience of having it attached, it would be nice if the cap were more user-friendly and easy to access. Additionally, the metal clips on the carrying strap can be quite loud when walking or hiking, which can be a bit distracting and might not be the most discreet choice for stealthily navigating through the wilderness. Despite these minor drawbacks, overall I found the Stanley 1.1 Qt. Classic Canteen to be a functional and stylish option for everyday use. It's a good choice if you're looking for a versatile water bottle that won't break the bank, but just remember to manage your expectations when it comes to insulation and noise. 🔗Corkcicle 32oz Sport Canteen: Triple-Insulated, Wide-Mouth Drink Container with Quick Sip Lidhttps://preview.redd.it/g8jdgja74r1d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=5900642083119fc5f56b1e9d8f8477efab04f303 The Corkcicle 32oz Sport Canteen boasts a spacious 950mL capacity, perfect for hydration while on the go. Its quick sip lid adds convenience to everyday use, and the signature flat sides and Duraprene finish ensure a secure grip. Triple-insulation maintains drinks at their desired temperature for extended periods, making it an ideal choice for both hot and chilled beverages alike. A wide mouth allows for ice cube insertion, while the lid's easy-to-use one-hand opening adds practicality. Regrettably, some users have experienced issues with the lid's functionality and structure, which may prove a disadvantage for those seeking a seamless drinking experience. Nonetheless, for those seeking a durable, stylish, and functional water bottle, the Corkcicle 32oz Sport Canteen offers an impressive range of features. 🔗Versatile Insulated Water Bottle with Cup Lidhttps://preview.redd.it/ba7lnum74r1d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=4236dde9fc2a1109edb6d8a02ff4d627c9fb186e This Stanley Classic Legendary Bottle, aptly named "Nightfall, " has become an essential companion in my daily life. The bottle's robustness and dependability have captivated me, as my newfound favorite keeps the brew piping hot during those frigid mornings or even chills your favorite beverage during scorching summer days. One of the key features that have blown my mind is its innovative, leak-proof design. By using the twist-and-pour stopper, it ensures that my adventures are safe from any accidental mishaps involving the bottle. Moreover, the slim design makes it the perfect single-handed companion, ensuring a comfortable grip. However, there are a couple of minor nits. The lid being insulated and doubling as a cup is a fantastic idea, but I found it a tad more tedious than convenient during my first few times. Additionally, while the bottle's sturdiness won my heart, it unfortunately lacks a wider mouth, which might make it a bit more practical for my soup-loving, chunky ingredients cravings. The Stanley's performance has made me believe it's not just about the product but also about the spirit of adventure it represents - one sip at a time. Despite a few minor quirks, it's a reliable bottle worth every penny spent. 🔗Corkcicle Star Wars Darth Vader Canteen: Sleek and Stylish Insulated Travel Drink Bottlehttps://preview.redd.it/xxibmox74r1d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=6584f5a3f92b026e1f6c93d8578b4827c47490b6 Crafted in the image of the infamous Darth Vader, this Corkcicle Star Wars canteen is not just a stylish way to keep your drinks cool. The 16-ounce canteen promises to keep beverages cold for up to 25 hours or warm for 12, all thanks to its triple-insulated lining. Its stainless steel construction ensures it's not just durable but also perfect to use in any setting, be it by the pool or at the office. The canteen is equipped with a screw-on cap that prevents any liquid from escaping and keeps the temperature consistent inside. The ergonomic design and flat sides make it easy to grip, and its stay-put silicone base ensures it stays securely in your hand, avoiding any spills. My experience with this canteen has been nothing but stellar. The Star Wars design is not just aesthetically pleasing but also adds a fun touch to my everyday life. The triple-insulation keeps my beverages at their desired temperature for longer, especially during our hot summers. The cap is a great feature that prevents leaks and spills, and the ergonomic design makes it comfortable to hold. However, I wish the product was dishwasher safe as the paint tends to peel off after a few uses, which can be a bit disappointing. 🔗Premium High-Performance Goalie Blades for Enhanced Ice Skatinghttps://preview.redd.it/v6nom9a84r1d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=47b008d8785f16fed2eb4304d81b2404921a0708 I recently tried the Step Steel St Goal Blacksteel CCM Replacement Steel - Pair, and I was blown away by its performance. The superior edge quality is evident as it slices through the ice with minimal resistance, providing sharp, fluid movements that make it a game-changer for any goalie. Designed specifically for CCM 2-Bolt Goalie Cowlings, this complete set comes with both left and right runners, ensuring perfect fit and seamless functionality. Made in Canada, the high-quality craftsmanship is evident in every aspect of the blade, from its sleek design to its exceptional edge durability. While the hardest possible edge offered by Step Steel Black is undoubtedly impressive, I also appreciate the added Diamond-like carbon (DLC) coating on the mirror side finish, which significantly boosts blade performance by generating a winning combination of low friction and high surface hardness. What sets Step Steel apart from other blade manufacturers is their innovative aspect ratio, which accelerates pushes across the crease for modern butterfly and hybrid goaltenders. The taller blades and truer profile offer added stability, precision, and width, ensuring less bending or improper sizing upon receiving the product. Overall, the Step Steel St Goal Blacksteel CCM Replacement Steel - Pair is a game-changing product that combines superior edge quality, innovative design, and unrivaled performance. If you're looking to enhance your goaltending experience, look no further than Step Steel. Buyer's GuideWelcome to our comprehensive guide on the Cold Steel Smatchet. This guide will help you understand the essential features of this product, the considerations you should make when purchasing, and general advice for using and maintaining it. Remember that specific product picks and external resource links are not included in this guide.What is a Cold Steel Smatchet?A Cold Steel Smatchet is a versatile, lightweight, and handy tool often used for various purposes like camping, hunting, or even self-defense. This unique name comes from the swordsmithing tradition of the same name, originating in Japan, which focuses on crafting blades using hammer forging.Features to Considerhttps://preview.redd.it/zus9kcwa4r1d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=c7c2477753bb2dbaaa691bb7293886bc265400f3 Blade TypeThe Cold Steel Smatchet usually features a semi-rigid, slightly flexible blade. This design provides a balance between strength and versatility. Flexibility allows the blade to bend without breaking when applied with force, while the semi-rigidity maintains its structural integrity.Construction MaterialThe Cold Steel Smatchet is typically made from high-quality, durable materials such as stainless steel or carbon steel. Both materials are rust-resistant, which is crucial for longevity and safety. Stainless steel offers better corrosion resistance, while carbon steel is known for its hardness and edge retention.Handle ConstructionThe handle of a Cold Steel Smatchet should be ergonomic and comfortable to grip. Most models feature a handle made from a combination of natural materials like wood or bone and synthetic materials for a secure and comfortable grip. The handle should provide a good balance of weight distribution and ease of handling.Purchasing Considerationshttps://preview.redd.it/q7nkf59b4r1d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=ae3d4949635abbc6f025f7c457d4764ec846ce37 Durability and LongevityInvest in a Cold Steel Smatchet that is built with high-quality materials and construction techniques. This will ensure that your tool will last for years and perform reliably, even under demanding conditions.MaintenanceProper maintenance is essential to keep your Cold Steel Smatchet in top condition. Regularly clean and sharpen the blade, check for rust, and ensure the handle remains secure and comfortable to grip.General AdviceSafetyAlways handle the Cold Steel Smatchet with utmost care and respect. Mishandling can result in accidents or injuries. Practice proper techniques when using the tool, and keep it away from children and non-experienced users. https://preview.redd.it/fgycujnb4r1d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=f21109260323d230e5e4aee8c298f9f13e4194fe UsageThe Cold Steel Smatchet can be used for various purposes such as cutting, chopping, or even self-defense. Familiarize yourself with the tool's capabilities and limitations before attempting any tasks.StorageStore your Cold Steel Smatchet in a safe, dry, and cool place when not in use. This will help prevent rust and maintain the tool's overall condition.A Cold Steel Smatchet can be a valuable addition to your camping, hunting, or self-defense toolkit. By understanding its essential features, purchasing considerations, and general advice, you can ensure you make the right decision when selecting your Smatchet. FAQWhat is a Cold Steel Smatchet?A Cold Steel Smatchet is a type of weapons that originated in medieval Europe. It is characterized by a short blade and a stout shaft, making it highly effective in close combat situations. Cold Steel offers a modern take on these traditional weapons, with high-quality craftsmanship and materials. https://preview.redd.it/j6rarh5c4r1d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=dce396ee4e0afb182b8420b86182b3dd7df853d5 What materials are used to make Cold Steel Smatchets?Cold Steel Smatchets are made from high-carbon steel, ensuring durability and sharpness. The handle can be made of several materials like wood, bone, or synthetic materials for better grip and comfort.What are the different types of Cold Steel Smatchets?
What are the dimensions of a typical Cold Steel Smatchet?The dimensions of a Cold Steel Smatchet may vary depending on the specific model. However, most models come with a blade length of around 15 inches and an overall length of around 25 inches. It is recommended to check the product listing for the exact dimensions of the model you are interested in.How much does a Cold Steel Smatchet cost?The price of a Cold Steel Smatchet can vary depending on the type, material, and design. Training Smatchets usually start at around $40, while Combat Smatchets and Collector's Edition Smatchets can range from $100 to $200 or more.What is the difference between a Cold Steel Smatchet and a Katana?A Cold Steel Smatchet and a Katana are both types of swords, but they differ in terms of design and structure. A Smatchet is a short, stout blade with a long handle, making it well-suited for close combat. A Katana, on the other hand, is a longer, thinner blade with a more slender handle, designed for slashing rather than thrusting.How do I maintain my Cold Steel Smatchet?To maintain your Cold Steel Smatchet, make sure to clean it after use and store it in a dry, cool place. Regularly oil the blade and handle to prevent rust and keep the components in good condition. It is also recommended to sharpen the blade periodically using a sharpening stone.Do Cold Steel Smatchets come with a warranty?Yes, Cold Steel offers a limited lifetime warranty on the materials and craftsmanship of their Smatchets. However, this warranty does not cover accidental damage or normal wear and tear.What is the return policy for Cold Steel Smatchets?Cold Steel has a 30-day return policy for their Smatchets. The product must be in its original, unopened packaging, and the customer is responsible for return shipping costs.As an Amazon™ Associate, we earn from qualifying purchases. |
2024.05.21 11:07 CringeyVal0451 Maple Walnut Pie
Kadillac Kirk had been a good friend of mine for several years. I had met him through friends from The Spring Stage; and he never had anything to do with The Imp, which is why he didn’t appear in the Married Mary saga. Mary would have totally thrown herself at him, and Kirk would have definitely “thrown it in her.” He loved the ladies and often remarked that there was no such thing as an unappealing woman, nor was there anything sweeter than finding the pearl of passion in an outwardly plain dame. Fortunately for Kirk, he never met Mary. This was probably fortunate for Mary as well, seeing as Kirk was a confirmed bachelor and his rakish nature might have broken her fat heart.
Kirk was an older guy. Not MOE old, though. He was in his early forties, but he easily passed for a carefree dude in his 30s... not that he lied about his age. I only mention this trait to juxtapose Kirk’s genuine youthful air with Moe’s unconvincing youthful farce. Kirk dressed normally, avoided stupid jargon, and never busted out gimmicks like tarot cards or spells. He just existed, behaved affably, and people liked him for it.
He drove a classic 1962 Cadillac El Dorado convertible with red leather interior, and he lived in a charmingly quaint (and ridiculously expensive) neighborhood. How he made his fortune remained a mystery, but he never bloviated about his wealth. He just threw spectacular parties and people showed up. And, to my knowledge, he never tried to lure women into bed with his money (although I’m sure he got his fair share of boom-boom thanks to his digs and his wheels, even if the gold-diggers denied their monetary agendas).
Kirk was legitimately handsome. He was a drummer, he had a full head of black hair, he was clean-shaven, he worked out, and he knew all the hidden gems in Wellsprings. So why hadn’t I tried... or even desired to date him? I don’t know. I just didn’t feel drawn to him like that. He felt like a cool uncle and he had, thus far, never done anything to change my perception. Plus, the age difference weirded me out a little. Kirk didn’t look forty; but knowing that he had so much more life experience than I did created a power imbalance that would have creeped me out if we’d been dating. As buddies, I just felt supremely cool riding in his Cadillac, smoking Fantasia cigarettes, and hitting the speakeasies and jazz clubs I would have never known about if it weren’t for Kirk’s connections.
And he had been a good person to talk to about my romantic woes. He never lecherously suggested that I should date him, and he gave the type of tempered advice that only comes with lived experience. But he often lightly mocked me for my crush on Dennis and he did a hilarious impression of Smegal popping too soon over his “precious.” So when Mary “got me back” by doing whatever she didwith to Dennis, I called Kadillac Kirk and told him the drinks were on me if he’d be my designated driver for the night.
Why hadn’t I called Whisky??? Well, A) Kirk was way more fun to hang out with, at least from my past experiences up to that point. And B) I needed to bitch about a boy, something I couldn’t do in good conscience in front of a guy I was dating. So I put on the sexiest plunging halter dress I owned, applied heavy eye makeup and spikey accessories, braved a pair of stilettos, and sashayed out to Kirk’s convertible. I felt like a badass rock star. I probably looked like a try-hard hooker.
Kirk: Daaaaay-um! Somebody really did do a number on you, huh? I know you said you were upset, but the gents are gonna be writing thank you notes to that fat girl and that butt-fucking hobbit.
Me: I just need to feel pretty and numb. And I trust you to keep me from making a fool of myself.
Kirk squeezed my shoulder. “I’ve got you. You do whatever you need to do to get rid of these demons.”
He sparked up a J and offered me the first puff. I gladly accepted. He took one puff of his own, but said that the rest was mine since he didn’t want to drive stoned. See? He was responsible! Weed wasn’t legal in California yet, so I got a little bit baked before I stashed the sativa in the glove box and wrapped a scarf around my hair like a starlet from the Golden Age of Hollywood. Kirk sped out of the parking lot and said he was taking me to a downtown hotel that was hosting a party that night in their lush lobby.
Kadillac Kirk pulled up to the main entrance, paid the valet, and then opened my door. I was wobbly from the weed. And I had stupidly decided to wear heels. You can get high or you can wear high (heels). You can’t have both. Not if you’ve repeatedly injured both ankles (as I have). I had to take Kirk’s arm to keep from keeling over. “Can people tell I’m stoned?” I whispered. Kirk replied, “Nobody’s paying any attention to anyone else’s intoxication. I promise you that much.” I nodded, steadied myself, and strutted alongside my very cool friend, feeling a little more confident.
A live jazz orchestra was playing Cole Porter as we entered the lobby. Everything sparkled. The music was even more intoxicating than the spliff had been. “Just One of Those Things” brought tears to my eyes since the lyrics hit every raw nerve regarding the Dennis debacle. But I smiled. It might sound mental, but being distraught over a trash fire of a one-sided romance was exhilarating. Immature, for sure. But also exhilarating. You see, that kind of sadness doesn’t hurt. Not really. It stings. It leaves little bruises, but it’s very safe to wallow in because you haven’t actually lost anything. Melancholia over that which you never had is as sweet as it is bitter; and that type of twisted splendor is rivaled only by Stendhal.
“Here's hoping we meet now and then. It was great fun, but it was just one of those things.” I sang along with the band, and a fat tear rolled down past my melancholic smile and onto my chin. Kirk brushed it aside. “Too close to home?” I wiped away the remnants of the tear’s journey from eye to chin and smiled a more genuine smile. “The perfect distance from home. Shall we get drinks? Remember, I’m buying.”
Kirk: No, no. This is your time to heal. And I’m here as your pal, not your chauffeur. What would the lady like?”
I pretended to barf. Kirk knew I hated it when he got overly formal and overly attentive. So he did it just to mess with me. “Shot of vodka,” I replied.
Kirk: How many?
I thought briefly. “FIVE.”
Kirk: Five to one, baby. One in five...
Me: No one here gets out alive.
Kirk: Are you able to hold yourself upright, or should you come with?
I took a seat on an ornate, damask-upholstered chaise lounge. “I’ll be okay. And I was kidding about the five shots.”
I sat there lost in the music for a while. I thought very little about Dennis. Even less about Mary. And not at all about Whisky (whom I had shagged less than a week ago). My mind danced through the ornate lighting in the hotel lobby, and I suddenly felt the need to join the hoity-toity guests on the dancefloor!
Kirk returned with four shots of vodka. Two for him, two for me. That was quite reasonable of him. He knew damn well that I couldn’t handle five shots, but he also knew that I was in a... state. One that called for more than a single shot. I raised a both miniature glasses to “No more ninnyhammers or hairy-footed lovers.” Kirk did his hilarious Smegal impression, we double-toasted, and downed the shots. The band launched into “Let’s Misbehave,” and I kicked off my stilettos and made a beeline for the dance floor.
“There’s something wild about you child that’s so contagious. Let’s be outrageous! Let’s misbehave.” Kadillac Kirk swept me up, twirled me around, and dipped me as we both sang along with the lyrics. I wasn’t swooning for him, but I was enthralled by the moment. The music, the dancing, the combination of booze and bud... so I kissed him as he pulled me back to my feet. And he kissed back. In a way that Dennis never had. In a way that Whisky’s beard wouldn’t permit. I didn’t feel the visceral sensations that I’d felt when Dennis had kissed me, but it felt nice to feel desired. And then I noticed that other guests were watching us and applauding. Now, that was a dopamine rush if ever there was one!
I gently broke away from the embrace, high-fived Kirk and returned to the chaise lounge to put my stupid shoes back on. He followed me and smashed his face back onto mine. I pulled away and laughed. “It was a moment,” I told him. “I appreciate the dance, and that kiss was the perfect finale. But it’s not happening again.”
Kirk: Not to worry, Valerie. I know you. I knew all along that we were performing, and I was more than happy to be your scene partner.
Me: And dance partner! Those were some excellent moves! I didn’t know you had ballroom training.
Kirk: You name it, I’ve mastered it. Another drink for the lady?
I pretended to barf again. “Not yet. I’m not sad right now. Do you mind if I just sit here and enjoy the music?”
Kirk: Ah. My kisses do have healing properties...
I flipped my hand up at him. “Knock that shit off, bro. I wanted to hang out with you because I trust you not to get weird. Even if I get weird, I know you have the maturity to balance me out.”
Kirk: Are you calling me old???
Me: No. I’m calling you rational, responsible, and respectful.
Kirk: Well, now. If you can articulate an alliterative statement that fluently, then you clearly aren’t drunk enough!
I dismissed this comment as a joke. And he did indeed knock off the flirtation. We had a perfectly pleasant time chatting and dancing (no more kissing, though). And then I noticed a girl I knew from Into the Woods entering the lobby. She’d played Florinda and I’d played Little Red. I called her name and waved enthusiastically. She waved back. And then her date entered. It was D.E.N.N.I.S. I sank into the chaise. Kirk caught on immediately. “The hobbit???” he asked. I nodded silently. “You wanna make out again?” he enthused. I shook my head. I had to go say hello to Flo. And I had an idea...
I crossed the lobby, smiled, squealed, and hugged her.
Florinda: Lil’ Red! It’s been forever! So glad to see you!!! This is my friend, Denny.
From the corner of my eye. I could see Dennis shifting uncomfortably. I refused to look directly at him, neglected to acknowledge Flo's introduction and continued to converse only with her. "So glad to see you, too! What have you been up to since we left the woods?"
Dennis: C’mon, Val...
Florinda (appearing oblivious to the iciness between me and Dennis): Oh, I had some drama after the show closed. I'll have to tell you about it some other time... Have you seen Prince Big Bad (Scumbanger) lately?
I laughed. “Last time I saw him, he was hitting on some nasty fat chick at The Imp.”
Flo and I both scoffed at the pervy pest. Into the Woods was where I’d initially met Scumbanger. He played The Wolf/Cinderella’s Prince. Again... typecasting. There’s a whole essay in my brain about my first encounter with the pest, during which he quoted the song that he sang to me in the show, “Hello, Little Girl.” But it gets into some pretty uncomfortable territory because he made me feel... excited. Well, excited and scared. Nothing of note happened during Into the Woods, but our odd interactions did kind of set the stage for some extremely regrettable events during that Cats cast party.
I excused myself, saying that I needed to get back to my friend. And then I leaned in and said in a hushed voice to Flo, “Watch your ass with that one. If he’s the Denny I’m thinking of...” I gave her a look that only another female would be able to read. Her eyebrows shot up and she nodded. Dennis continued to shift as though he were trying to hold in a massive dump. “BABE! Uh...”
Flo apparently answered to that moniker as well. “What is it, Denny? Don’t worry. That was just telepathic girl talk. You apparently have a reputation...”
Dennis: Different Denny. I assure you I’m a pious gentleman.
Me: Ah. My mistake. Well, then. You guys have a good time! They’re playing Cole Porter, and the band is delovely. Great to see you, Flo!
I hugged Flo again, gave Dennis a curt nod, ignored the scent of mandarins and mountain air, and returned to Kirk.
I collapsed on the chaise lounge, exhausted from holding back the rage. I had no right to be mad at Florinda. I hadn’t seen her in three years, so how was she supposed to know that I’d had a thing with Dennis? Hell, I couldn’t even be mad at Dennis because the last time he and I had spoken in any meaningful way, I’d told him that I was no longer entertaining my crush on him. So why was I surprised to see him dating??? And why had he never taken ME out on a date like this??? And why wasn’t I smitten with Kadillac Kirk who HAD taken me out on a date like this, was an objectively excellent kisser, and a bona fide BALLER? What was wrong with me???
Kirk suggested going down the street to a quaint little bar and then sobering up at a diner closer to my apartment. I numbly nodded and followed him in silence for a few blocks. He assured me that I had “turned several heads” on the way to the new location, but I neither cared nor believed him. This wasn't the type of numbness I'd been aiming for. Now I needed to get schnockered. “Five shots of vodka, please.” Yes, I was serious.
Kadillac Kirk, my reliable designated driver, ordered only a beer and watched in something across between astonishment, concern, and delight as I slammed all five shots in rapid succession. I half expected to immediately retch all over the bar. But I felt fine. I half expected to immediately lose consciousness and wake up in the hospital. But I remained coherent. How I’d managed to take in that much hard liquor and suffer no direct consequences, I’ll never know.
I think I wanted to suffer. I wanted to either feel nothing at all or to feel a sickness bad enough to distract me from the scorching sting that pulsed through my being when I realized that I had lost the abstract notion I’d been addicted to this entire time. Hope. It wasn’t Dennis himself I couldn’t quit. It was that drug called hope. The hope that maybe, just maybe Dennis would give our romance a fair chance. The hope that maybe, just maybe he would make peace with himself, get his mind out of his crotch, and enjoy some agenda-free togetherness. The hope that maybe, just maybe he would stop bloviating about his admittedly impressive accomplishments for five fucking minutes and ask about my life. I had my own reasonably impressive accomplishments, even if they paled in comparison to his. A proper suitor would have enjoyed hearing about them.
But seeing him out with another woman, a woman who had no reason to parade her Dennis escapades before me as some means of revenge, a woman he was clearly courting of his own volition... My hope had died. It died before I’d had time to wean myself off it. Now I had to mourn the loss of hope, which is a very tricky brand of grief to navigate. Vodka wasn’t the answer, but it was what I had to work with. So it would have to do.
After enough time had passed without vomiting or collapsing, I asked Kirk to bring his car around to the bar so that I didn’t have to walk two and a half blocks drunk and in heels. He nodded and dramatically leaned in for a kiss. I recoiled. “DUDE! I told you. The moment has passed.”
Kirk: I beg your pardon. I misread your eyes. Thought I saw a green light...
Me: It’s fine. I just want to go home while I’m still feeling okay.
Kirk: Of course. Your chariot will be here soon.
He skipped off to fetch his Cadillac and I noticed that the lights in the bar were beginning to dance a bit. This should have been concerning. But then I realized that I was giggling. Wait... What? Oh shit. Sure, I was drunk from those shots. But what I was feeling in that moment wasn’t drunkery. It was stonery. Kirk probably misread my face because my pupils were dilated. Not from desire, but from drug use.
Some of you might be thinking that I was a bad friend for not introducing Lucy, an old dude connoisseur, to Kirk. Well... I did. Several years before the events of this story. He adored her. She, on the other hand, thought he was immature. And she wasn’t wrong. Lucy was astute when it came to sussing out a person’s true nature. Far more astute than I. Her initial assessment that Kirk was immature is about to be vindicated. Stretch those cringe muscles! It’s almost time for pie...
I somehow managed to get to his car. I honestly don’t recall how I got there. Did one of the bartenders carry me? Did some kind patron allow me to lean on him? Had Kadillac Kirk carried me out? I’m not sure. But my memory ceases to be fuzzy about halfway to the 24-hour diner. It might have been the very same 24-hour diner where Mary pulled her... shenanigans. I’ll never know.
Kirk: Would you say that you’re more drunk or more stoned?
Me: STONED. Definitely stoned.
Kirk made some sort of grunty noise and reached for my thigh. I slapped his hand.
Kirk: Stoned but not amorous? That’s rare.
I started laughing rather unkindly. “You’re a fucking horndog! I thought you were my safe straight male friend, dammit.”
Kirk: I solemnly swear that your safety is my primary concern, my stoned beauty.
I pretended to throw up.
Kirk: So... You’re not horny. But are you hungry? The diner I’m heading to makes this Maple Walnut Pie with the most sumptuous... sensual cream and exquisite drizzling of...
Me: Ew! Stop trying to bang the pie. Bro. Are YOU stoned? (Then I remembered the question.) Yes, I’m hungry. But I don’t like nuts. I’ll have banana cream.
Kirk made that repulsive grunty noise again. “Uhhhhh... Mmmmmm. Cream. Yessssss. Yes, we’ll be there in just a minute.” He was squirming in the driver's seat.
Me: GROSS, DUDE! If you’re gonna be like that I’ll just order HASH brows. Get it? Hash??? (I giggled.) You can’t make that sound nasty.
Kirk: Forgive my jokes. I think my blood sugar’s a bit low.
As Kirk parked, I began to wonder how I might get away with walking shoeless into the diner. The stilettos had to get off my feet. At least while I was walking. And Kirk was kind enough to give me his socks and wear his loafers “island style” into the establishment. Okay, that was gallant of him. Maybe he was going to behave himself for the rest of the evening.
I wasn’t terribly talkative as we sat down, and he expressed a bit of concern for my emotional well-being. I wasn’t coherent enough to explain what was happening to my emotions and I wasn’t sure I trusted him with my deep, dark secrets at that point. So I shrugged like a sulky teenager, ran my hands over my messy, windblown hair, and mumbled that I was “just hungry.” And right on cue, a very kind, slightly older waitress with a sweet southern accent stopped by to take our order.
Kirk: Ah, yes. We’ll have two cups of black coffee. And we’ll share a slice of that delectable Maple Walnut Pie.
Waitress: Oh, honey. That pie is scrumptious! I take it you’ve been here before?
Kirk: I have. This will be her first time to taste the splendor.
I hated to be a killjoy, but I interrupted and said to the waitress, “Ma’am? I’m sure the Maple Walnut is excellent, but could I please get a slice of Banana Cream? And a big glass of ice water?
Waitress: Sure, hon! Banana Cream’s just as yummy! I’ll be right back with those coffees and that big water.
Kirk was sucking on the tip of his forefinger and shaking his head a bit. “You’re passing up so many sensational... sensual...”
I put my forehead on the table and growled. “You swore you’d stop being nasty!” I held this #headdesk pose for quite some time before I finally lifted my head... only to see that Kirk was still sucking his fingertip and staring at me like a wild animal. “Pleeeeeease be normal,” I whined. “It’s been a really weird night for me.”
Kirk: Indeed. Many surprises. You know... You’re like titanium. Your flame burns so fast and so bright, if a guy doesn’t get in there while the iron is hot, he’ll never get another chance. I was too slow.
What the...? I was pretty sure he was wrong about titanium burning quickly. I’m no chemistry wiz, but my dad and my oldest brother are both big-brains when it comes to physics and chemistry. So I picked up some things just listening to them talk. Accurate or inaccurate, Kirk was being creepy again. He’d never been creepy towards me before, although I’d seen him act like this with other women. Usually with staggering success. Why????? His money. It had to be his money. Kirk was a nice-looking man, but holy shit... No amount of good looks could save this creep show
And then, our sweet waitress sat down our coffees, my water, and the two slices of pie. After I gulped down a whole bunch of water, I grabbed a fork, prepared to quell my munchies... and then I froze. Kirk was quickly flicking his finger back and forth across the top of his pie. And moaning. He noticed my wide-eyed stare, smirked, sucked the tip of his thumb, picked up the plate with both hands, and began flicking his tongue across the tip of the triangular pie slice. And moaning some more. Well, there went my appetite.
Kirk took his middle finger and jabbed it into the crustless vertex of the pie slice, then he began pumping it in and out like a piston, and flicking his thumb across the increasingly demolished top layer of whipped cream. He gasped this time. People were starting to stare. His pointer finger joined his middle finger in the piston action, and he replaced his thumb with his tongue. Between flicks of the tongue, he groaned, “Oh yeah, baby... Let me taste you,” but it was kind of hard to understand him.
And I was either about to run to the back office, tell them that I was in danger and needed a police escort home... OR I was about to burst out laughing at the spectacle. Kirk continued... He removed his fingers and gregariously licked pie filling off of them. "Ohhhhh," he groaned, "I got you soooo sticky. So sweet. So moist." And then he started sucking his fingertips again, switching from middle to pointer, middle to pointer and emitting a delighted little, “Mmmmmm” with every suck.
Finally, he jabbed his fingers back into the utterly destroyed pie, lowered his face into the mess and lapped loudly and passionately, moaning, grunting, and mumbling “Come on, baby. Come on. Mmmmmm. Come on.” I could see the waitress and some dude in a suit heading over to the table, so I sank down in my seat, partially covered my face, but continued to watch the train wreck. At last, Kirk shuddered violently as he splatted his entire hand onto the plate and rubbed furiously. And then he locked eyes with me. He sucked the tip of his thumb one final time and said, “You...” There was a long pause during which Kirk lovingly stroked the mess he’d made. “You... are the pie.”
I don’t hang out with Kadillac Kirk anymore. But he’s still a bachelor, ladies!
submitted by CringeyVal0451 to ReddXReads [link] [comments]
Kirk was an older guy. Not MOE old, though. He was in his early forties, but he easily passed for a carefree dude in his 30s... not that he lied about his age. I only mention this trait to juxtapose Kirk’s genuine youthful air with Moe’s unconvincing youthful farce. Kirk dressed normally, avoided stupid jargon, and never busted out gimmicks like tarot cards or spells. He just existed, behaved affably, and people liked him for it.
He drove a classic 1962 Cadillac El Dorado convertible with red leather interior, and he lived in a charmingly quaint (and ridiculously expensive) neighborhood. How he made his fortune remained a mystery, but he never bloviated about his wealth. He just threw spectacular parties and people showed up. And, to my knowledge, he never tried to lure women into bed with his money (although I’m sure he got his fair share of boom-boom thanks to his digs and his wheels, even if the gold-diggers denied their monetary agendas).
Kirk was legitimately handsome. He was a drummer, he had a full head of black hair, he was clean-shaven, he worked out, and he knew all the hidden gems in Wellsprings. So why hadn’t I tried... or even desired to date him? I don’t know. I just didn’t feel drawn to him like that. He felt like a cool uncle and he had, thus far, never done anything to change my perception. Plus, the age difference weirded me out a little. Kirk didn’t look forty; but knowing that he had so much more life experience than I did created a power imbalance that would have creeped me out if we’d been dating. As buddies, I just felt supremely cool riding in his Cadillac, smoking Fantasia cigarettes, and hitting the speakeasies and jazz clubs I would have never known about if it weren’t for Kirk’s connections.
And he had been a good person to talk to about my romantic woes. He never lecherously suggested that I should date him, and he gave the type of tempered advice that only comes with lived experience. But he often lightly mocked me for my crush on Dennis and he did a hilarious impression of Smegal popping too soon over his “precious.” So when Mary “got me back” by doing whatever she did
Why hadn’t I called Whisky??? Well, A) Kirk was way more fun to hang out with, at least from my past experiences up to that point. And B) I needed to bitch about a boy, something I couldn’t do in good conscience in front of a guy I was dating. So I put on the sexiest plunging halter dress I owned, applied heavy eye makeup and spikey accessories, braved a pair of stilettos, and sashayed out to Kirk’s convertible. I felt like a badass rock star. I probably looked like a try-hard hooker.
Kirk: Daaaaay-um! Somebody really did do a number on you, huh? I know you said you were upset, but the gents are gonna be writing thank you notes to that fat girl and that butt-fucking hobbit.
Me: I just need to feel pretty and numb. And I trust you to keep me from making a fool of myself.
Kirk squeezed my shoulder. “I’ve got you. You do whatever you need to do to get rid of these demons.”
He sparked up a J and offered me the first puff. I gladly accepted. He took one puff of his own, but said that the rest was mine since he didn’t want to drive stoned. See? He was responsible! Weed wasn’t legal in California yet, so I got a little bit baked before I stashed the sativa in the glove box and wrapped a scarf around my hair like a starlet from the Golden Age of Hollywood. Kirk sped out of the parking lot and said he was taking me to a downtown hotel that was hosting a party that night in their lush lobby.
Kadillac Kirk pulled up to the main entrance, paid the valet, and then opened my door. I was wobbly from the weed. And I had stupidly decided to wear heels. You can get high or you can wear high (heels). You can’t have both. Not if you’ve repeatedly injured both ankles (as I have). I had to take Kirk’s arm to keep from keeling over. “Can people tell I’m stoned?” I whispered. Kirk replied, “Nobody’s paying any attention to anyone else’s intoxication. I promise you that much.” I nodded, steadied myself, and strutted alongside my very cool friend, feeling a little more confident.
A live jazz orchestra was playing Cole Porter as we entered the lobby. Everything sparkled. The music was even more intoxicating than the spliff had been. “Just One of Those Things” brought tears to my eyes since the lyrics hit every raw nerve regarding the Dennis debacle. But I smiled. It might sound mental, but being distraught over a trash fire of a one-sided romance was exhilarating. Immature, for sure. But also exhilarating. You see, that kind of sadness doesn’t hurt. Not really. It stings. It leaves little bruises, but it’s very safe to wallow in because you haven’t actually lost anything. Melancholia over that which you never had is as sweet as it is bitter; and that type of twisted splendor is rivaled only by Stendhal.
“Here's hoping we meet now and then. It was great fun, but it was just one of those things.” I sang along with the band, and a fat tear rolled down past my melancholic smile and onto my chin. Kirk brushed it aside. “Too close to home?” I wiped away the remnants of the tear’s journey from eye to chin and smiled a more genuine smile. “The perfect distance from home. Shall we get drinks? Remember, I’m buying.”
Kirk: No, no. This is your time to heal. And I’m here as your pal, not your chauffeur. What would the lady like?”
I pretended to barf. Kirk knew I hated it when he got overly formal and overly attentive. So he did it just to mess with me. “Shot of vodka,” I replied.
Kirk: How many?
I thought briefly. “FIVE.”
Kirk: Five to one, baby. One in five...
Me: No one here gets out alive.
Kirk: Are you able to hold yourself upright, or should you come with?
I took a seat on an ornate, damask-upholstered chaise lounge. “I’ll be okay. And I was kidding about the five shots.”
I sat there lost in the music for a while. I thought very little about Dennis. Even less about Mary. And not at all about Whisky (whom I had shagged less than a week ago). My mind danced through the ornate lighting in the hotel lobby, and I suddenly felt the need to join the hoity-toity guests on the dancefloor!
Kirk returned with four shots of vodka. Two for him, two for me. That was quite reasonable of him. He knew damn well that I couldn’t handle five shots, but he also knew that I was in a... state. One that called for more than a single shot. I raised a both miniature glasses to “No more ninnyhammers or hairy-footed lovers.” Kirk did his hilarious Smegal impression, we double-toasted, and downed the shots. The band launched into “Let’s Misbehave,” and I kicked off my stilettos and made a beeline for the dance floor.
“There’s something wild about you child that’s so contagious. Let’s be outrageous! Let’s misbehave.” Kadillac Kirk swept me up, twirled me around, and dipped me as we both sang along with the lyrics. I wasn’t swooning for him, but I was enthralled by the moment. The music, the dancing, the combination of booze and bud... so I kissed him as he pulled me back to my feet. And he kissed back. In a way that Dennis never had. In a way that Whisky’s beard wouldn’t permit. I didn’t feel the visceral sensations that I’d felt when Dennis had kissed me, but it felt nice to feel desired. And then I noticed that other guests were watching us and applauding. Now, that was a dopamine rush if ever there was one!
I gently broke away from the embrace, high-fived Kirk and returned to the chaise lounge to put my stupid shoes back on. He followed me and smashed his face back onto mine. I pulled away and laughed. “It was a moment,” I told him. “I appreciate the dance, and that kiss was the perfect finale. But it’s not happening again.”
Kirk: Not to worry, Valerie. I know you. I knew all along that we were performing, and I was more than happy to be your scene partner.
Me: And dance partner! Those were some excellent moves! I didn’t know you had ballroom training.
Kirk: You name it, I’ve mastered it. Another drink for the lady?
I pretended to barf again. “Not yet. I’m not sad right now. Do you mind if I just sit here and enjoy the music?”
Kirk: Ah. My kisses do have healing properties...
I flipped my hand up at him. “Knock that shit off, bro. I wanted to hang out with you because I trust you not to get weird. Even if I get weird, I know you have the maturity to balance me out.”
Kirk: Are you calling me old???
Me: No. I’m calling you rational, responsible, and respectful.
Kirk: Well, now. If you can articulate an alliterative statement that fluently, then you clearly aren’t drunk enough!
I dismissed this comment as a joke. And he did indeed knock off the flirtation. We had a perfectly pleasant time chatting and dancing (no more kissing, though). And then I noticed a girl I knew from Into the Woods entering the lobby. She’d played Florinda and I’d played Little Red. I called her name and waved enthusiastically. She waved back. And then her date entered. It was D.E.N.N.I.S. I sank into the chaise. Kirk caught on immediately. “The hobbit???” he asked. I nodded silently. “You wanna make out again?” he enthused. I shook my head. I had to go say hello to Flo. And I had an idea...
I crossed the lobby, smiled, squealed, and hugged her.
Florinda: Lil’ Red! It’s been forever! So glad to see you!!! This is my friend, Denny.
From the corner of my eye. I could see Dennis shifting uncomfortably. I refused to look directly at him, neglected to acknowledge Flo's introduction and continued to converse only with her. "So glad to see you, too! What have you been up to since we left the woods?"
Dennis: C’mon, Val...
Florinda (appearing oblivious to the iciness between me and Dennis): Oh, I had some drama after the show closed. I'll have to tell you about it some other time... Have you seen Prince Big Bad (Scumbanger) lately?
I laughed. “Last time I saw him, he was hitting on some nasty fat chick at The Imp.”
Flo and I both scoffed at the pervy pest. Into the Woods was where I’d initially met Scumbanger. He played The Wolf/Cinderella’s Prince. Again... typecasting. There’s a whole essay in my brain about my first encounter with the pest, during which he quoted the song that he sang to me in the show, “Hello, Little Girl.” But it gets into some pretty uncomfortable territory because he made me feel... excited. Well, excited and scared. Nothing of note happened during Into the Woods, but our odd interactions did kind of set the stage for some extremely regrettable events during that Cats cast party.
I excused myself, saying that I needed to get back to my friend. And then I leaned in and said in a hushed voice to Flo, “Watch your ass with that one. If he’s the Denny I’m thinking of...” I gave her a look that only another female would be able to read. Her eyebrows shot up and she nodded. Dennis continued to shift as though he were trying to hold in a massive dump. “BABE! Uh...”
Flo apparently answered to that moniker as well. “What is it, Denny? Don’t worry. That was just telepathic girl talk. You apparently have a reputation...”
Dennis: Different Denny. I assure you I’m a pious gentleman.
Me: Ah. My mistake. Well, then. You guys have a good time! They’re playing Cole Porter, and the band is delovely. Great to see you, Flo!
I hugged Flo again, gave Dennis a curt nod, ignored the scent of mandarins and mountain air, and returned to Kirk.
I collapsed on the chaise lounge, exhausted from holding back the rage. I had no right to be mad at Florinda. I hadn’t seen her in three years, so how was she supposed to know that I’d had a thing with Dennis? Hell, I couldn’t even be mad at Dennis because the last time he and I had spoken in any meaningful way, I’d told him that I was no longer entertaining my crush on him. So why was I surprised to see him dating??? And why had he never taken ME out on a date like this??? And why wasn’t I smitten with Kadillac Kirk who HAD taken me out on a date like this, was an objectively excellent kisser, and a bona fide BALLER? What was wrong with me???
Kirk suggested going down the street to a quaint little bar and then sobering up at a diner closer to my apartment. I numbly nodded and followed him in silence for a few blocks. He assured me that I had “turned several heads” on the way to the new location, but I neither cared nor believed him. This wasn't the type of numbness I'd been aiming for. Now I needed to get schnockered. “Five shots of vodka, please.” Yes, I was serious.
Kadillac Kirk, my reliable designated driver, ordered only a beer and watched in something across between astonishment, concern, and delight as I slammed all five shots in rapid succession. I half expected to immediately retch all over the bar. But I felt fine. I half expected to immediately lose consciousness and wake up in the hospital. But I remained coherent. How I’d managed to take in that much hard liquor and suffer no direct consequences, I’ll never know.
I think I wanted to suffer. I wanted to either feel nothing at all or to feel a sickness bad enough to distract me from the scorching sting that pulsed through my being when I realized that I had lost the abstract notion I’d been addicted to this entire time. Hope. It wasn’t Dennis himself I couldn’t quit. It was that drug called hope. The hope that maybe, just maybe Dennis would give our romance a fair chance. The hope that maybe, just maybe he would make peace with himself, get his mind out of his crotch, and enjoy some agenda-free togetherness. The hope that maybe, just maybe he would stop bloviating about his admittedly impressive accomplishments for five fucking minutes and ask about my life. I had my own reasonably impressive accomplishments, even if they paled in comparison to his. A proper suitor would have enjoyed hearing about them.
But seeing him out with another woman, a woman who had no reason to parade her Dennis escapades before me as some means of revenge, a woman he was clearly courting of his own volition... My hope had died. It died before I’d had time to wean myself off it. Now I had to mourn the loss of hope, which is a very tricky brand of grief to navigate. Vodka wasn’t the answer, but it was what I had to work with. So it would have to do.
After enough time had passed without vomiting or collapsing, I asked Kirk to bring his car around to the bar so that I didn’t have to walk two and a half blocks drunk and in heels. He nodded and dramatically leaned in for a kiss. I recoiled. “DUDE! I told you. The moment has passed.”
Kirk: I beg your pardon. I misread your eyes. Thought I saw a green light...
Me: It’s fine. I just want to go home while I’m still feeling okay.
Kirk: Of course. Your chariot will be here soon.
He skipped off to fetch his Cadillac and I noticed that the lights in the bar were beginning to dance a bit. This should have been concerning. But then I realized that I was giggling. Wait... What? Oh shit. Sure, I was drunk from those shots. But what I was feeling in that moment wasn’t drunkery. It was stonery. Kirk probably misread my face because my pupils were dilated. Not from desire, but from drug use.
Some of you might be thinking that I was a bad friend for not introducing Lucy, an old dude connoisseur, to Kirk. Well... I did. Several years before the events of this story. He adored her. She, on the other hand, thought he was immature. And she wasn’t wrong. Lucy was astute when it came to sussing out a person’s true nature. Far more astute than I. Her initial assessment that Kirk was immature is about to be vindicated. Stretch those cringe muscles! It’s almost time for pie...
I somehow managed to get to his car. I honestly don’t recall how I got there. Did one of the bartenders carry me? Did some kind patron allow me to lean on him? Had Kadillac Kirk carried me out? I’m not sure. But my memory ceases to be fuzzy about halfway to the 24-hour diner. It might have been the very same 24-hour diner where Mary pulled her... shenanigans. I’ll never know.
Kirk: Would you say that you’re more drunk or more stoned?
Me: STONED. Definitely stoned.
Kirk made some sort of grunty noise and reached for my thigh. I slapped his hand.
Kirk: Stoned but not amorous? That’s rare.
I started laughing rather unkindly. “You’re a fucking horndog! I thought you were my safe straight male friend, dammit.”
Kirk: I solemnly swear that your safety is my primary concern, my stoned beauty.
I pretended to throw up.
Kirk: So... You’re not horny. But are you hungry? The diner I’m heading to makes this Maple Walnut Pie with the most sumptuous... sensual cream and exquisite drizzling of...
Me: Ew! Stop trying to bang the pie. Bro. Are YOU stoned? (Then I remembered the question.) Yes, I’m hungry. But I don’t like nuts. I’ll have banana cream.
Kirk made that repulsive grunty noise again. “Uhhhhh... Mmmmmm. Cream. Yessssss. Yes, we’ll be there in just a minute.” He was squirming in the driver's seat.
Me: GROSS, DUDE! If you’re gonna be like that I’ll just order HASH brows. Get it? Hash??? (I giggled.) You can’t make that sound nasty.
Kirk: Forgive my jokes. I think my blood sugar’s a bit low.
As Kirk parked, I began to wonder how I might get away with walking shoeless into the diner. The stilettos had to get off my feet. At least while I was walking. And Kirk was kind enough to give me his socks and wear his loafers “island style” into the establishment. Okay, that was gallant of him. Maybe he was going to behave himself for the rest of the evening.
I wasn’t terribly talkative as we sat down, and he expressed a bit of concern for my emotional well-being. I wasn’t coherent enough to explain what was happening to my emotions and I wasn’t sure I trusted him with my deep, dark secrets at that point. So I shrugged like a sulky teenager, ran my hands over my messy, windblown hair, and mumbled that I was “just hungry.” And right on cue, a very kind, slightly older waitress with a sweet southern accent stopped by to take our order.
Kirk: Ah, yes. We’ll have two cups of black coffee. And we’ll share a slice of that delectable Maple Walnut Pie.
Waitress: Oh, honey. That pie is scrumptious! I take it you’ve been here before?
Kirk: I have. This will be her first time to taste the splendor.
I hated to be a killjoy, but I interrupted and said to the waitress, “Ma’am? I’m sure the Maple Walnut is excellent, but could I please get a slice of Banana Cream? And a big glass of ice water?
Waitress: Sure, hon! Banana Cream’s just as yummy! I’ll be right back with those coffees and that big water.
Kirk was sucking on the tip of his forefinger and shaking his head a bit. “You’re passing up so many sensational... sensual...”
I put my forehead on the table and growled. “You swore you’d stop being nasty!” I held this #headdesk pose for quite some time before I finally lifted my head... only to see that Kirk was still sucking his fingertip and staring at me like a wild animal. “Pleeeeeease be normal,” I whined. “It’s been a really weird night for me.”
Kirk: Indeed. Many surprises. You know... You’re like titanium. Your flame burns so fast and so bright, if a guy doesn’t get in there while the iron is hot, he’ll never get another chance. I was too slow.
What the...? I was pretty sure he was wrong about titanium burning quickly. I’m no chemistry wiz, but my dad and my oldest brother are both big-brains when it comes to physics and chemistry. So I picked up some things just listening to them talk. Accurate or inaccurate, Kirk was being creepy again. He’d never been creepy towards me before, although I’d seen him act like this with other women. Usually with staggering success. Why????? His money. It had to be his money. Kirk was a nice-looking man, but holy shit... No amount of good looks could save this creep show
And then, our sweet waitress sat down our coffees, my water, and the two slices of pie. After I gulped down a whole bunch of water, I grabbed a fork, prepared to quell my munchies... and then I froze. Kirk was quickly flicking his finger back and forth across the top of his pie. And moaning. He noticed my wide-eyed stare, smirked, sucked the tip of his thumb, picked up the plate with both hands, and began flicking his tongue across the tip of the triangular pie slice. And moaning some more. Well, there went my appetite.
Kirk took his middle finger and jabbed it into the crustless vertex of the pie slice, then he began pumping it in and out like a piston, and flicking his thumb across the increasingly demolished top layer of whipped cream. He gasped this time. People were starting to stare. His pointer finger joined his middle finger in the piston action, and he replaced his thumb with his tongue. Between flicks of the tongue, he groaned, “Oh yeah, baby... Let me taste you,” but it was kind of hard to understand him.
And I was either about to run to the back office, tell them that I was in danger and needed a police escort home... OR I was about to burst out laughing at the spectacle. Kirk continued... He removed his fingers and gregariously licked pie filling off of them. "Ohhhhh," he groaned, "I got you soooo sticky. So sweet. So moist." And then he started sucking his fingertips again, switching from middle to pointer, middle to pointer and emitting a delighted little, “Mmmmmm” with every suck.
Finally, he jabbed his fingers back into the utterly destroyed pie, lowered his face into the mess and lapped loudly and passionately, moaning, grunting, and mumbling “Come on, baby. Come on. Mmmmmm. Come on.” I could see the waitress and some dude in a suit heading over to the table, so I sank down in my seat, partially covered my face, but continued to watch the train wreck. At last, Kirk shuddered violently as he splatted his entire hand onto the plate and rubbed furiously. And then he locked eyes with me. He sucked the tip of his thumb one final time and said, “You...” There was a long pause during which Kirk lovingly stroked the mess he’d made. “You... are the pie.”
I don’t hang out with Kadillac Kirk anymore. But he’s still a bachelor, ladies!
2024.05.21 11:06 Xecutor142 Couldn't sleep, do I wrote an essay to fixed ER 😇
Ok, so I can't say for certain but I belive the community is divided on ERs usefulness, so I thought up a solution, and I'll explain in detail the idea behind this (I ended up typing this twice, so this one may be a little less pasionate)
Tldr:Make er resist detrimental effects proportionally to the difference in Effect Resistance and Effectiveness. Ex: S. Poli with 150 er debuffs and pushes back 200 ER Emilia. Rather than getting pushed the full 20% and reciveing a 30% speed debuff, she gets pushed back 10% and receives a 15% speed debuff
First, Why is ER frustrating I revolves around the all or nothing feel of the feature. Er is the only stat that can feel as though it literally "disapears". You need around 100 more ER Than your opponents effectiveness to guarantee a resist, meaning any less and you feel the full effect of any effect you were trying to avoid.
Why er feels unvalubal/avoidable The issue here is how difficult it is to actually gain consistent effects especiallyin comparisonto other stats and substat scaleing.
In order to guarantee you outspeed an opponents unit you need about 10-12 more speed than them (this translates to around 3-4 good rolls)
In order to guarantee a resist you need about 100+ their effectiveness (which translates to about 10-12 decent rolls) and keep in mind you forgo other stats with more immidiet benefits such as speed or health when you do roll er
So, why can't we just make Er and Eff proportional
If we made it so you just couldn't get debuffed if you had higher er that would disrup the game as a whole. A good example of this problem shinning would be Riolet, Or someone like arunka. It would be equally a frustrating if you couldn't land any blinds or bleeds on these characters because your target has 7 more ER than your 9 effectiveness. And on the flip side, dps who can do things like strip on s1 effectively lose that to 50 er
My solution: Give ER a secondary effect that resists part of detrimental effects if they get through based off the differencein effect and er.
Example: if a 200 ER soul weaver gets pushed back and debuffed by a 150 effect s.poli rather than getting pushed back a full 20% they would only get pushed back 10%. And assuming they get hit buy the speed down, rather than be decreased by 30%, they get decreased by 15%.
This effect would apply for most if not all numeric values, such as Blind, attack down, or even defense down
By doing this, er gains constant value, similar to how speed or HP give constant values in the form of consistency and (get this) effect resistance.
Honorable note: it could also be considered to make it so characters gain immunity to non numeric effects (silence, stun, unbuffable) weather that be through haveing more ER than the target, or maybe even by hitting a certain thresholds (maybe around 150 ER)
submitted by Xecutor142 to EpicSeven [link] [comments]
Tldr:Make er resist detrimental effects proportionally to the difference in Effect Resistance and Effectiveness. Ex: S. Poli with 150 er debuffs and pushes back 200 ER Emilia. Rather than getting pushed the full 20% and reciveing a 30% speed debuff, she gets pushed back 10% and receives a 15% speed debuff
First, Why is ER frustrating I revolves around the all or nothing feel of the feature. Er is the only stat that can feel as though it literally "disapears". You need around 100 more ER Than your opponents effectiveness to guarantee a resist, meaning any less and you feel the full effect of any effect you were trying to avoid.
Why er feels unvalubal/avoidable The issue here is how difficult it is to actually gain consistent effects especiallyin comparisonto other stats and substat scaleing.
In order to guarantee you outspeed an opponents unit you need about 10-12 more speed than them (this translates to around 3-4 good rolls)
In order to guarantee a resist you need about 100+ their effectiveness (which translates to about 10-12 decent rolls) and keep in mind you forgo other stats with more immidiet benefits such as speed or health when you do roll er
So, why can't we just make Er and Eff proportional
If we made it so you just couldn't get debuffed if you had higher er that would disrup the game as a whole. A good example of this problem shinning would be Riolet, Or someone like arunka. It would be equally a frustrating if you couldn't land any blinds or bleeds on these characters because your target has 7 more ER than your 9 effectiveness. And on the flip side, dps who can do things like strip on s1 effectively lose that to 50 er
My solution: Give ER a secondary effect that resists part of detrimental effects if they get through based off the differencein effect and er.
Example: if a 200 ER soul weaver gets pushed back and debuffed by a 150 effect s.poli rather than getting pushed back a full 20% they would only get pushed back 10%. And assuming they get hit buy the speed down, rather than be decreased by 30%, they get decreased by 15%.
This effect would apply for most if not all numeric values, such as Blind, attack down, or even defense down
By doing this, er gains constant value, similar to how speed or HP give constant values in the form of consistency and (get this) effect resistance.
Honorable note: it could also be considered to make it so characters gain immunity to non numeric effects (silence, stun, unbuffable) weather that be through haveing more ER than the target, or maybe even by hitting a certain thresholds (maybe around 150 ER)
2024.05.21 10:43 Least-Energy3260 I got a no contact order against a person I considered a friend when I was in college
TW: references to suicidal thinking, discussions of harm toward others, mental health challenges
When I (23f) was a freshman in college, I had a friend, Amanda (name changed), who was in the same program as me and lived down the hall from me, and we hit it off. She had her quirks, and she made gruesome comments a lot, but mostly it was stuff you could easily take as a joke without thinking twice about her intentions. I considered her a friend.
Towards the end of spring break, she called me and asked if I could take her to pick up her glasses that were being fixed as she couldn’t drive herself without them. I agreed and when I got back to campus that Saturday around noon, we headed out to get her glasses. Turns out it was a trap.
As soon as we got off campus, she went from acting totally normal to practically sobbing. She was over the top emotional, explaining how her partner had just broken up with her and how she was so hurt and broken. I was caught off guard by the sudden mood swing to say the least. But then she kept going. She proceeded to make remarks about driving to the ex’s place of employment to physically confront them, but wouldn’t it be a shame if she were to wreck and off herself intentionally along the way? Her pattern of thinking went off the deep end so fast I felt like I was getting whiplash. She went from laughing and joking to talking about offing herself to make her ex feel bad within literal minutes.
I did my best to calm Amanda. We got her glasses picked up, got her food, and then I told her she could come back to my dorm room when we got back to campus because her words made me scared to leave her alone. When we got back to my dorm I started to unpack from going to visit my parents over the break, and she sat on my floor and started telling me, in graphic detail, how she could off herself that night. I tried my best to calm her down, tried to lighten the mood, and text a mutual friend to come help me because Amanda was spiraling very rapidly.
Before the friend arrived, Amanda started describing how she could kill her ex and how easy it would be to kill me. Amanda was pretty athletic, and she worked out with our campus ROTC, so she was pretty agile. I knew if she had any intention of hurting me, I wouldn’t win in the fight. So when she was not paying as much attention or was looking at her phone, I started hiding anything and everything in my room I could think of that she could use to hurt herself or me: scissors, charging cables, my cutlery. And she kept flipping the conversation to hurting somebody (herself and/or me or her ex) the whole time. This spiral in my dorm lasted about three hours.
Finally my friend arrived and we were able to convince Amanda she needed help and drove her to the hospital around midnight. After waiting for almost 6 hours, Amanda was released and our mutual friend who had gone back with Amanda so she wasn’t alone pulled me aside and said Amanda had lied to the doctors and said we forced her there against her will and she was totally fine. The doctors released her with a prescription for an anxiety medication and a note to my friend to have Amanda give us all her sharp items.
We go back to the dorms, Amanda voluntarily gives us any sharp or weapon-like objects she has in her dorm, and separate to go to sleep. Not even two hours after I fall asleep that morning (it was almost 7 AM when we got back from the hospital), I wake up to noises in my room. I lived alone. Amanda had broken into my dorm room and was scurrying around in the dark. To say it scared the absolute crap out of me would be an understatement. Amanda claimed my door was unlocked, but I know it wasn’t. She also claimed she was only in there to get her leftovers from the day prior, but something didn’t feel right to me.
I distanced myself that next day because she was honesty scaring me and I needed space to sort out my thoughts. When I wouldn’t answer her messages, she started bombarding me with calls and texts. When I let her know I wasn’t answering because I was with other friends on campus, she requested that I let her into their dorm so she wasn’t alone. I said I couldn’t do that and she said she was going to harm herself. I called the RA on duty and informed them of her statements and sent screenshots of the message from Amanda saying she would hurt herself to them. When the RA went to check in on Amanda, they told me she was chilling in her room completely normal. No odd behavior or heightened emotions.
That Sunday night when I returned to my dorm, I had stepped in my room to put down my bag and turn on my light and then walked down the hallway to use the communal restroom. Her dorm room was on a hallway angled to my own and she could see my window from hers. She was watching and saw my light come on and was pounding at my door within minutes. She was knocking and yelling so loud I could hear her in the bathroom. It scared me, and I didn’t know what to do so I messaged another girl on our hallway and asked her to intervene so I could leave without Amanda spotting me.
When the girl went out to see what Amanda was doing and tell her to quit, Amanda told her that she was just going to pick my lock and wait for me to get back from wherever I had gone. My friend managed to distract Amanda enough that I slipped out of the dorm unnoticed.
I slept in another dorm that night with a friend, but went to my schools Title IX the next morning to report the break in and harassment. The school took four days, with around five meetings, including one with a campus counselor and several with the dean of student affairs to finally allow me a no contact order with Amanda, but the damage to me was done. I fell into what was one of the worst depressive episodes of my life. I was scared to leave my dorm room. I was scared to be alone. I woke up panicking thinking somebody was in my room. I didn’t leave my dorm room for almost two weeks unless my friends dragged me to the cafeteria for food but I rarely let them.
My grades plummeted because I wasn’t attending class or doing my homework. Amanda started telling anybody who was in the program with us that I had abandoned her for no reason and even told the dean of student affairs that we had been in a relationship and I didn’t want to break up with her to her face so I went to Title IX and made it all up. She was lying to anybody and everybody who would listen.
I almost lost my scholarships, I lost friends, and I lost myself because of all of this. It’s been five years now, and while I am better, I still have triggers related to what Amanda put me through. I’m slower to trust, more calculated when making plans with friends, and if anybody around me has a negative emotional response (aka anger or frustration or sadness) I panic into a spiral by automatically fearing that they will off themself.
The bright side of the situation ended up being a love of psychology that I discovered while trying to overcome my mental health struggles brought on by this situation. I changed my major to psychology, got my bachelors of science, and am now content working on my masters and looking forward to getting my PH.D. in the near future.
I don’t think I’ll ever fully emotionally recover from the fear and trauma of that weekend, but I forgave Amanda a long time ago because the reality of the situation is that she needed help. And I did all I could to try and get her that help, but if she wasn’t ready to accept it then there was truly nothing more I could have done. I only removed myself when it became harmful to myself. And I hope wherever Amanda ended up today that she is safe and content with her life and her choices.
submitted by Least-Energy3260 to self [link] [comments]
When I (23f) was a freshman in college, I had a friend, Amanda (name changed), who was in the same program as me and lived down the hall from me, and we hit it off. She had her quirks, and she made gruesome comments a lot, but mostly it was stuff you could easily take as a joke without thinking twice about her intentions. I considered her a friend.
Towards the end of spring break, she called me and asked if I could take her to pick up her glasses that were being fixed as she couldn’t drive herself without them. I agreed and when I got back to campus that Saturday around noon, we headed out to get her glasses. Turns out it was a trap.
As soon as we got off campus, she went from acting totally normal to practically sobbing. She was over the top emotional, explaining how her partner had just broken up with her and how she was so hurt and broken. I was caught off guard by the sudden mood swing to say the least. But then she kept going. She proceeded to make remarks about driving to the ex’s place of employment to physically confront them, but wouldn’t it be a shame if she were to wreck and off herself intentionally along the way? Her pattern of thinking went off the deep end so fast I felt like I was getting whiplash. She went from laughing and joking to talking about offing herself to make her ex feel bad within literal minutes.
I did my best to calm Amanda. We got her glasses picked up, got her food, and then I told her she could come back to my dorm room when we got back to campus because her words made me scared to leave her alone. When we got back to my dorm I started to unpack from going to visit my parents over the break, and she sat on my floor and started telling me, in graphic detail, how she could off herself that night. I tried my best to calm her down, tried to lighten the mood, and text a mutual friend to come help me because Amanda was spiraling very rapidly.
Before the friend arrived, Amanda started describing how she could kill her ex and how easy it would be to kill me. Amanda was pretty athletic, and she worked out with our campus ROTC, so she was pretty agile. I knew if she had any intention of hurting me, I wouldn’t win in the fight. So when she was not paying as much attention or was looking at her phone, I started hiding anything and everything in my room I could think of that she could use to hurt herself or me: scissors, charging cables, my cutlery. And she kept flipping the conversation to hurting somebody (herself and/or me or her ex) the whole time. This spiral in my dorm lasted about three hours.
Finally my friend arrived and we were able to convince Amanda she needed help and drove her to the hospital around midnight. After waiting for almost 6 hours, Amanda was released and our mutual friend who had gone back with Amanda so she wasn’t alone pulled me aside and said Amanda had lied to the doctors and said we forced her there against her will and she was totally fine. The doctors released her with a prescription for an anxiety medication and a note to my friend to have Amanda give us all her sharp items.
We go back to the dorms, Amanda voluntarily gives us any sharp or weapon-like objects she has in her dorm, and separate to go to sleep. Not even two hours after I fall asleep that morning (it was almost 7 AM when we got back from the hospital), I wake up to noises in my room. I lived alone. Amanda had broken into my dorm room and was scurrying around in the dark. To say it scared the absolute crap out of me would be an understatement. Amanda claimed my door was unlocked, but I know it wasn’t. She also claimed she was only in there to get her leftovers from the day prior, but something didn’t feel right to me.
I distanced myself that next day because she was honesty scaring me and I needed space to sort out my thoughts. When I wouldn’t answer her messages, she started bombarding me with calls and texts. When I let her know I wasn’t answering because I was with other friends on campus, she requested that I let her into their dorm so she wasn’t alone. I said I couldn’t do that and she said she was going to harm herself. I called the RA on duty and informed them of her statements and sent screenshots of the message from Amanda saying she would hurt herself to them. When the RA went to check in on Amanda, they told me she was chilling in her room completely normal. No odd behavior or heightened emotions.
That Sunday night when I returned to my dorm, I had stepped in my room to put down my bag and turn on my light and then walked down the hallway to use the communal restroom. Her dorm room was on a hallway angled to my own and she could see my window from hers. She was watching and saw my light come on and was pounding at my door within minutes. She was knocking and yelling so loud I could hear her in the bathroom. It scared me, and I didn’t know what to do so I messaged another girl on our hallway and asked her to intervene so I could leave without Amanda spotting me.
When the girl went out to see what Amanda was doing and tell her to quit, Amanda told her that she was just going to pick my lock and wait for me to get back from wherever I had gone. My friend managed to distract Amanda enough that I slipped out of the dorm unnoticed.
I slept in another dorm that night with a friend, but went to my schools Title IX the next morning to report the break in and harassment. The school took four days, with around five meetings, including one with a campus counselor and several with the dean of student affairs to finally allow me a no contact order with Amanda, but the damage to me was done. I fell into what was one of the worst depressive episodes of my life. I was scared to leave my dorm room. I was scared to be alone. I woke up panicking thinking somebody was in my room. I didn’t leave my dorm room for almost two weeks unless my friends dragged me to the cafeteria for food but I rarely let them.
My grades plummeted because I wasn’t attending class or doing my homework. Amanda started telling anybody who was in the program with us that I had abandoned her for no reason and even told the dean of student affairs that we had been in a relationship and I didn’t want to break up with her to her face so I went to Title IX and made it all up. She was lying to anybody and everybody who would listen.
I almost lost my scholarships, I lost friends, and I lost myself because of all of this. It’s been five years now, and while I am better, I still have triggers related to what Amanda put me through. I’m slower to trust, more calculated when making plans with friends, and if anybody around me has a negative emotional response (aka anger or frustration or sadness) I panic into a spiral by automatically fearing that they will off themself.
The bright side of the situation ended up being a love of psychology that I discovered while trying to overcome my mental health struggles brought on by this situation. I changed my major to psychology, got my bachelors of science, and am now content working on my masters and looking forward to getting my PH.D. in the near future.
I don’t think I’ll ever fully emotionally recover from the fear and trauma of that weekend, but I forgave Amanda a long time ago because the reality of the situation is that she needed help. And I did all I could to try and get her that help, but if she wasn’t ready to accept it then there was truly nothing more I could have done. I only removed myself when it became harmful to myself. And I hope wherever Amanda ended up today that she is safe and content with her life and her choices.
2024.05.21 10:36 Arctodus Impressions of Leviathan Wilds, Slay the Spire, Cascadero/dito, Spectral, and Harmonies
The world conspired in the best of ways to bless me with a whole bunch of new games at once and I happened to be able to get in a lot of plays quickly with them.
Always get an idea of who's talking before you take anything away from these reviews/impressions. Maybe we're really different people. I've been in the hobby for 10+ years. I've played a lot of games. I love interactive and mechanically unique games. I worship Reiner Knizia. Some of my favorite games are Tigris and Euphrates, Spirit Island, Race for the Galaxy, Agricola, Battle Line, and Oath. My favorite games of last year were Stationfall, Ra (reprint), and Zoo Vadis.
Okay, let's go!
Cascadito/Cascadero - Is this a Pokemon Red/Blue scenario? No! There's room for both halves of this pair of Knizias in a collection. I think Cascadero is the better game, but Cascadito slides onto our table more easily. I'm a bit of a believer in the Moneyball theory of games (does the game "get on base" (to the table)?) so, that matters!
Cascadero - 4 plays at 2 players - First, the production is perfect. Svelte box that's easy to pack, wooden pieces, great graphic design with built in rules reminders by Ian O'Toole, and a striking cover make this a joy to play. If you enjoy the general waves hands of Irish Gauge, you're going to love how this looks.
Cascadero requires a little patience, but I think I'm starting to see a heart of gold down in there. As a Knizia tile-layer, right away, this game is, unfortunately, going to get compared to some of the greatest games ever made. Games like Through the Desert, Samurai, Babylonia, etc. I say unfortunately, because I don't think you'll love this game on the first play. That's because I think the default/starter side of the board is less interesting. If you're familiar with games, do yourself a favor and flip to the farmer side as soon as possible. Even then, Cascadero is subtle. When played best, it's a quiet maneuvering of cubes up to just the right spots on tracks with pieces on the board in all the right places that build a little lattice of opportunity. Not just one combo ready to score, but a set of circumstances that hedge on an opponent's move. Paths are everywhere, and you're using them in just the right ways to get across a double score gap or to slip into a fold in the track that gives an extra bonus. I feel like the review circuit doesn't usually play games enough times to appreciate this one, and maybe it's subtle to a fault. It isn't great when you hear "it gets good on game 4", but I'm four games in and usually that's the point where I'm bored of most games. With this one I'm excited to play more.
Cascadero is great!
Cascadito - 5 plays at 2 players - Do you like My City? Do you like My City: Roll and Build? I do. I probably wouldn't list them in my favorite games, but they are such great weeknight-with-the-partner games that I appreciate them all the same. Cascadito isn't billed as a campaign game, but rather as four maps. Maybe a 4 game campaign doesn't sound long enough, but I'm busy. 4 games sounds like something I can do. If you've played Cascadero, map 1 is the less interesting version of that game. Stick with it though! Like My City, you get the joy of seeing Knizia riff on an idea. We enjoyed each subsequent map more and more and we could see ourselves replaying #3 and especially #4. In fact, on map 4 we kept looking at each other's sheets during the game - on a roll and write! I like that.
Cascadito is good!
Spectral - 6 plays at 2 players - I'm pretty picky about deduction games, especially as board games. As someone who has put hundreds of hours into Picross and sudoku I need there to be a good reason why I'm using my precious time with my friends on something that is usually so solitary. So far, I've really only liked The Search for Planet X. While it isn't known as a particularly interactive game, my friends and I have played it so competitively that we look for any scrap of information that might give us the edge, and the publishing system cranks up the incentive to take some leaps of faith in a tight race.
When I heard about Spectral I was excited - an interactive, bidding based logic puzzle - cool! Six games later, I haven't really figured out how to interact with my opponent. While The Search for Planet X has clear moments of intention to watch for (publishing papers), it's really hard to tell when your opponent is acting with intention or just exploring in Spectral. You also don't have those little clues like what your opponent is scanning for or researching like in Planet X to build some kind of theory around. The game is a breeze to play, yet barely leaves room to grapple. So maybe the interaction isn't super strong, but how's the logic puzzle?
Boring. Imagine playing sudoku, but the logic restrictions were only for rows and not also columns, or within squares. You can do some deduction with the curse cards, but the treasure cards (12 of the 16) are all essentially equally informative and don't allow for much in the way of chains of deduction. You can do a little bit with probabilities of where treasures are likely to overlap, but it rarely feels worth it to pursue when finding curses provides a much more reliable benefit.
I want to be wrong about this game. Please, someone argue this one with me.
Spectral is okay. If you play it once or twice, I think you'll have a good time, but I don't see it having legs.
Slay the Spire - I've had this game for less than a month and I think I've put in maybe 50 hours at the table with it at this point. I've played with people who have 1000s of hours in Slay the Spire - they have loved it. I've played with people who have never played Slay the Spire - I see them playing Slay the Spire on Steam the next day and asking when they can next come over. People who usually duck out of a game night at 10pm are still at the table at 1am.
I was really worried it would be bad. I wondered, why not just play the digital game? But here I am, holding the box and knowing without a doubt, this object sparks joy. Have you ever experienced a solitary piece of media, obsessed over it, and then gotten a chance to experience it together with other fans? Maybe something like watching Game of Thrones with friends after reading the books. It feels great to share in something you've loved. That's how Slay the Spire has felt. But it's not just that, as evidenced by the friends that have never played the digital game and still loved it. It's just a damn good deck builder, and the whole system of knowing exactly what the enemies are going to do before they do it goes over so well here. It's so apparent that this translation was a labor of love and so much has gone into preserving the spirit of the game. I love it.
Slay the Spire is excellent!
Leviathan Wilds - played the first 3 Leviathans solo and at 2 - I backed this as a Shadow of the Colossus fan, and hoped for the best. I'm honestly blown away by how much this game has exceeded my expectations. First, there's something about this game that feels so complete and efficient. There's no Kickstarter bloat. It's in a very understated, retail sized box. The game just gets so much out of each component. It feels like the people who made it have made a lot of games before (and they have!).
I have trouble finding mid-weight 1-hour co-ops that I like. I love co-ops like The Crew at the short and sweet end and Spirit Island at the epic and heavy end, but the games that hit around the Pandemic range have never appealed to me. There often seems to be too much upkeep and setup, and not enough to keep me interested in sharing a puzzle with other people.
Leviathan Wilds is sooooo easy to set up. Setting up a Leviathan involves opening a spiral bound map book and laying out five cards. Processing the enemy turn involves flipping a card and later doing what it says. I don't play solo games, pretty much ever, but I'm playing this solo because it's so damn easy to run.
The moment to moment gameplay has been a blast. The systems are very open and freeform and the cards are multi-use, so there's often this feeling of scrapping together just the thing you need from odd parts - burning this card, eating this mushroom, falling here, etc. The movement system really leans into the mechanics of Shadow of the Colossus and allows for a creativity and freedom while reinforcing the theme. Every game we've played has been tight and we've failed a few times. I like that. My only complaint was that the enemies will sometimes do "swift" moves that resolve before your turn so you don't have much of a chance to react. I didn't realize until a game or two later that you can still use skills on cards to react instantly which might be an easy rule to miss. I've felt much better about "swift" since learning that. I'll definitely be backing the announced small expansion for the upcoming reprint. What a pleasant surprise.
Leviathan Wilds is excellent!
Harmonies - 6 plays at 2 players - This game has been called a Reef killer, an Azul killer, and a Cascadia killer. I own all those games! So, what's the body count at my table? Well, first off this game is lovely. The art is beautiful, the spatial puzzle is quite satisfying, and the playtime is breezy (especially at 2). It is most comparable to Reef in that you are arranging and stacking pieces in configurations for points, but there's a second layer of tile arrangement, similar to Cascadia's habitats, that's always present, no matter what cards come up. The Azul comparison is probably due to the drafting of tiles from a central market. So, what's the outcome?:
Dro Polter - Too many plays to count and at all player counts - I think this is Oink's cutest production yet. The chunky wooden ghost, the tiny bells, the little set of treasures you'll hold in your hand. If you like frantic dexterity games, this is great. You can explain the rules in about 2 sentences and it's very non-gamer friendly. The cleverest bit is how you have to hold onto points in the form of tiny bells and if you drop them you lose them. It's an excellent system of handicapping the leader that often turns to laughs. It's mostly a novelty, but if you can introduce it to a few different groups of people, it feels worth it. Great with kids too.
Dro Polter is great!
submitted by Arctodus to boardgames [link] [comments]
Always get an idea of who's talking before you take anything away from these reviews/impressions. Maybe we're really different people. I've been in the hobby for 10+ years. I've played a lot of games. I love interactive and mechanically unique games. I worship Reiner Knizia. Some of my favorite games are Tigris and Euphrates, Spirit Island, Race for the Galaxy, Agricola, Battle Line, and Oath. My favorite games of last year were Stationfall, Ra (reprint), and Zoo Vadis.
Okay, let's go!
Cascadito/Cascadero - Is this a Pokemon Red/Blue scenario? No! There's room for both halves of this pair of Knizias in a collection. I think Cascadero is the better game, but Cascadito slides onto our table more easily. I'm a bit of a believer in the Moneyball theory of games (does the game "get on base" (to the table)?) so, that matters!
Cascadero - 4 plays at 2 players - First, the production is perfect. Svelte box that's easy to pack, wooden pieces, great graphic design with built in rules reminders by Ian O'Toole, and a striking cover make this a joy to play. If you enjoy the general waves hands of Irish Gauge, you're going to love how this looks.
Cascadero requires a little patience, but I think I'm starting to see a heart of gold down in there. As a Knizia tile-layer, right away, this game is, unfortunately, going to get compared to some of the greatest games ever made. Games like Through the Desert, Samurai, Babylonia, etc. I say unfortunately, because I don't think you'll love this game on the first play. That's because I think the default/starter side of the board is less interesting. If you're familiar with games, do yourself a favor and flip to the farmer side as soon as possible. Even then, Cascadero is subtle. When played best, it's a quiet maneuvering of cubes up to just the right spots on tracks with pieces on the board in all the right places that build a little lattice of opportunity. Not just one combo ready to score, but a set of circumstances that hedge on an opponent's move. Paths are everywhere, and you're using them in just the right ways to get across a double score gap or to slip into a fold in the track that gives an extra bonus. I feel like the review circuit doesn't usually play games enough times to appreciate this one, and maybe it's subtle to a fault. It isn't great when you hear "it gets good on game 4", but I'm four games in and usually that's the point where I'm bored of most games. With this one I'm excited to play more.
Cascadero is great!
Cascadito is good!
When I heard about Spectral I was excited - an interactive, bidding based logic puzzle - cool! Six games later, I haven't really figured out how to interact with my opponent. While The Search for Planet X has clear moments of intention to watch for (publishing papers), it's really hard to tell when your opponent is acting with intention or just exploring in Spectral. You also don't have those little clues like what your opponent is scanning for or researching like in Planet X to build some kind of theory around. The game is a breeze to play, yet barely leaves room to grapple. So maybe the interaction isn't super strong, but how's the logic puzzle?
Boring. Imagine playing sudoku, but the logic restrictions were only for rows and not also columns, or within squares. You can do some deduction with the curse cards, but the treasure cards (12 of the 16) are all essentially equally informative and don't allow for much in the way of chains of deduction. You can do a little bit with probabilities of where treasures are likely to overlap, but it rarely feels worth it to pursue when finding curses provides a much more reliable benefit.
I want to be wrong about this game. Please, someone argue this one with me.
Spectral is okay. If you play it once or twice, I think you'll have a good time, but I don't see it having legs.
I was really worried it would be bad. I wondered, why not just play the digital game? But here I am, holding the box and knowing without a doubt, this object sparks joy. Have you ever experienced a solitary piece of media, obsessed over it, and then gotten a chance to experience it together with other fans? Maybe something like watching Game of Thrones with friends after reading the books. It feels great to share in something you've loved. That's how Slay the Spire has felt. But it's not just that, as evidenced by the friends that have never played the digital game and still loved it. It's just a damn good deck builder, and the whole system of knowing exactly what the enemies are going to do before they do it goes over so well here. It's so apparent that this translation was a labor of love and so much has gone into preserving the spirit of the game. I love it.
Slay the Spire is excellent!
I have trouble finding mid-weight 1-hour co-ops that I like. I love co-ops like The Crew at the short and sweet end and Spirit Island at the epic and heavy end, but the games that hit around the Pandemic range have never appealed to me. There often seems to be too much upkeep and setup, and not enough to keep me interested in sharing a puzzle with other people.
Leviathan Wilds is sooooo easy to set up. Setting up a Leviathan involves opening a spiral bound map book and laying out five cards. Processing the enemy turn involves flipping a card and later doing what it says. I don't play solo games, pretty much ever, but I'm playing this solo because it's so damn easy to run.
The moment to moment gameplay has been a blast. The systems are very open and freeform and the cards are multi-use, so there's often this feeling of scrapping together just the thing you need from odd parts - burning this card, eating this mushroom, falling here, etc. The movement system really leans into the mechanics of Shadow of the Colossus and allows for a creativity and freedom while reinforcing the theme. Every game we've played has been tight and we've failed a few times. I like that. My only complaint was that the enemies will sometimes do "swift" moves that resolve before your turn so you don't have much of a chance to react. I didn't realize until a game or two later that you can still use skills on cards to react instantly which might be an easy rule to miss. I've felt much better about "swift" since learning that. I'll definitely be backing the announced small expansion for the upcoming reprint. What a pleasant surprise.
Leviathan Wilds is excellent!
- Reef - Dead. Harmonies gives me a similar spatial puzzle in less time, in a smaller box, with better art, and it feels more thematic (I want to make homes for all my animals!).
- Cascadia - Dead. (although I was tired of it already). I find the game to game strategies in Harmonies to be more diverse and I don't feel like I have an algorithm to follow like in Cascadia (Is there a tile that increases two habitats? Can I fit a fox between my other groups of animals?).
- Azul - Alive. It's a stretch to compare the two games, but the drafting portion is far more interesting in Azul with the combining pools of tiles. Azul sits with Carcassonne in this perfect zone of being a gateway game that starts out gentle and puzzley and more you play it the more cutthroat it becomes. This isn't Harmonies, but...
Dro Polter is great!
2024.05.21 10:13 EducationalQuiet2140 The Tunnels-Part 1
Its taken me nearly 20 years to make sense of something I happened upon for the first time as a teenager.
There are said to be old service tunnels that run from the naval-shipyard to various locations under my hometown, believed to have been originally built around WWI. But In the early 1940s, the main tunnel was opened as a fallout shelter capable of holding 10,000 people . The rest of the tunnels were supposedly closed off when new construction around town occurred in the 1970s. My grandpa worked construction on what at the time was to be the tallest building in town, adorned with a clock at the peak. He like to brag about having "put a hand on nearly every rock in that build'n" or saying "I remember when that was a pile of rubble until we worked on it". He also liked to say "There are still many old places that hold many old secrets for those brave enough to seek them" but I assumed that he meant the bottom of a bottle.
The main streets are a reminder of the infrastructure built in the 1930s and 40s. Many of the businesses on the street were the ground level of a larger office or warehouse buildings. Some were single story buildings, shoehorned in between the larger ones. There is also a Masonic Lodge history with the town. They built the original temple way back then, and then a couple decades later, built another building and moved there. Their presence is clearly noticeable in the architecture all over the town. There are even plenty of houses in town that were built in the same fashion.
It's amazing how small town gossip can be passed down from generation to generation. I first heard about the tunnels as a young boy from a classmate in the second grade. She said that her dad worked on the base(it’s a naval shipyard) and was an important man because they had an escape tunnel under her house. I think I believed her at the time but I never really saw her after around that point. Even at that age I associated her as a Navy brat. I just assumed they moved.
I never really gave it much thought though until I was about 16, in the year 2005. I was a punk teen. I smoked weed and cigarettes as often as I could. I skipped a lot of school, choosing to go get fucked up and skateboard on private property somewhere. I spent a lot of time all over the town and in the most secluded locations. As a skater I'm telling you there were/are some sick spots! A majority of the buildings are that original brick masonry. Stair cases, gaps, banks, ledges, rails. The biggest problem is that skateboarding was a form of vandalism to public property. It was that year after enough people kept getting into trouble that the skaters of our community petitioned city-hall to have a skatepark built. They listened and even let us help design it. It definitely mimics some of the most popular aspects from downtown.
I stumbled upon the first of the tunnel entrances down an alleyway in downtown. The kicker is that, of course it was past midnight and of course I had been drinking and smoking pot. But that's also why I was in the alleys. Anyone hanging out there wasn't looking for any attention. Yes looking back I regret doing all the stupid things I did. I knew the area like the back of my hand but for some reason I was never able to find an entrance while sober. The alley way is particularly remarkable and I had been down it numerous times before. It’s the only one that has a man bridge over the alley connecting two separate buildings. It’s like a hallway fully enclosed with windows, matching the appearance of the buildings. I had just passed under it and to the next building where a smaller dumpster sat. The dumpster had one side pulled away from the building it was butted up against. It was dark but I could see a gaping dark hole behind and underneath the dumpster. I pulled my lighter out to reveal a staircase leading under the building. It was hard to see but I could tell from the edges of the opening that there was supposed to be a metal or wooden cover.
Intrigued I pulled out my old Nokia cellphone. The screen albeit small and dim, it did glow and in the dark-dark was better than nothing. I didn't want to burn myself and wanted to conserve my lighter for other things. I don't know why exactly I felt I needed to but I dropped down behind the dumpster to the stairwell and held my phone up high like a lantern. The stairs went down maybe 15 steps to a flat that went through a doorway on the left. Curiosity out weighed rationality in those days and I made my way down to the flat as quietly as I could. As the last bit of ambient light and noise from the dark quiet alley disappeared, the calm stagnant air in the concrete passage way that acted like an echo chamber was a stark shift in environment.
There was a hallway beyond the doorway that was extremely narrow and not very long. It was only wide enough for one person. It was probably 15 feet in length or so. As I slowly proceeded, the hallway dumped out into a much larger tunnel. I remember thinking "a bus could fit through here!" and it stretched far beyond the dim lights reach of my Nokia. I debated on whether I should just head back and decided now was an appropriate time to spark up a smoke, which didn't mix well with the stale air. Replacing my light source with the flame from my lighter provided enough light to see a panel of switches on the wall next to the smaller tunnel. I flipped one and the main tunnel lit up surprisingly, popping a humming to life. It was at least a football field in length. There were a few other similar little tunnels in various locations along this larger one.
As I was taking in just how long it was I peered from one end to the other and down at the farthest end was what looked like a person. The realization snapped me out of my wonderment. I was now uneasy at the thought that someone was down here just hanging out in the darkness. The more I focused on the figure the more it appeared that it was just standing down there staring at me. I looked the other direction but didn't notice anyone or anything. Taking a drag as I looked back towards the figure who I was now significantly closer to, I stopped in mid step. I hadn't been aware of it but I had been walking towards the figure. That's when everything in my body told me to leave now. And in that very moment the figure began running at me full sprint. There was no time to make sense of how or why I was walking towards the figure or why I was even down here in the first place as I turned running as fast as I could.
When I got to the smaller tunnel I took the opportunity to glance back over my shoulder while rounding the corner. To my absolute terror the figure was right where I was when I started running. I could hear the foot steps echoing off every surface followed with the creepiest snarling. I hit the stairs skipping three or four steps at a time. The light from the night city sky poured over the remaining steps and I nearly forgot the drop I had made getting down there. As I reached for the side of the stair well to pull my self up I could here that thing hit the stairs. With every ounce of adrenaline I heaved myself up and rolled out into the alley. Frantically I picked myself up and rammed into the dumpster closing the gap and began to head to the main street. That night I sprinted the nearly 1.5 miles back home without stopping or looking back.
I wish I could say that I forgot about that night and the tunnels to save myself some sanity in life. If I had only known this was the beginning of something much older and darker than I could have imagined. It took me a few weeks to shake the initial shock of that encounter. Eventually I went back during the day but couldn't even find the dumpster. I put it out of my mind until about six months later when an opportunity came up to visit with my grandpa...
submitted by EducationalQuiet2140 to curiousmemory [link] [comments]
There are said to be old service tunnels that run from the naval-shipyard to various locations under my hometown, believed to have been originally built around WWI. But In the early 1940s, the main tunnel was opened as a fallout shelter capable of holding 10,000 people . The rest of the tunnels were supposedly closed off when new construction around town occurred in the 1970s. My grandpa worked construction on what at the time was to be the tallest building in town, adorned with a clock at the peak. He like to brag about having "put a hand on nearly every rock in that build'n" or saying "I remember when that was a pile of rubble until we worked on it". He also liked to say "There are still many old places that hold many old secrets for those brave enough to seek them" but I assumed that he meant the bottom of a bottle.
The main streets are a reminder of the infrastructure built in the 1930s and 40s. Many of the businesses on the street were the ground level of a larger office or warehouse buildings. Some were single story buildings, shoehorned in between the larger ones. There is also a Masonic Lodge history with the town. They built the original temple way back then, and then a couple decades later, built another building and moved there. Their presence is clearly noticeable in the architecture all over the town. There are even plenty of houses in town that were built in the same fashion.
It's amazing how small town gossip can be passed down from generation to generation. I first heard about the tunnels as a young boy from a classmate in the second grade. She said that her dad worked on the base(it’s a naval shipyard) and was an important man because they had an escape tunnel under her house. I think I believed her at the time but I never really saw her after around that point. Even at that age I associated her as a Navy brat. I just assumed they moved.
I never really gave it much thought though until I was about 16, in the year 2005. I was a punk teen. I smoked weed and cigarettes as often as I could. I skipped a lot of school, choosing to go get fucked up and skateboard on private property somewhere. I spent a lot of time all over the town and in the most secluded locations. As a skater I'm telling you there were/are some sick spots! A majority of the buildings are that original brick masonry. Stair cases, gaps, banks, ledges, rails. The biggest problem is that skateboarding was a form of vandalism to public property. It was that year after enough people kept getting into trouble that the skaters of our community petitioned city-hall to have a skatepark built. They listened and even let us help design it. It definitely mimics some of the most popular aspects from downtown.
I stumbled upon the first of the tunnel entrances down an alleyway in downtown. The kicker is that, of course it was past midnight and of course I had been drinking and smoking pot. But that's also why I was in the alleys. Anyone hanging out there wasn't looking for any attention. Yes looking back I regret doing all the stupid things I did. I knew the area like the back of my hand but for some reason I was never able to find an entrance while sober. The alley way is particularly remarkable and I had been down it numerous times before. It’s the only one that has a man bridge over the alley connecting two separate buildings. It’s like a hallway fully enclosed with windows, matching the appearance of the buildings. I had just passed under it and to the next building where a smaller dumpster sat. The dumpster had one side pulled away from the building it was butted up against. It was dark but I could see a gaping dark hole behind and underneath the dumpster. I pulled my lighter out to reveal a staircase leading under the building. It was hard to see but I could tell from the edges of the opening that there was supposed to be a metal or wooden cover.
Intrigued I pulled out my old Nokia cellphone. The screen albeit small and dim, it did glow and in the dark-dark was better than nothing. I didn't want to burn myself and wanted to conserve my lighter for other things. I don't know why exactly I felt I needed to but I dropped down behind the dumpster to the stairwell and held my phone up high like a lantern. The stairs went down maybe 15 steps to a flat that went through a doorway on the left. Curiosity out weighed rationality in those days and I made my way down to the flat as quietly as I could. As the last bit of ambient light and noise from the dark quiet alley disappeared, the calm stagnant air in the concrete passage way that acted like an echo chamber was a stark shift in environment.
There was a hallway beyond the doorway that was extremely narrow and not very long. It was only wide enough for one person. It was probably 15 feet in length or so. As I slowly proceeded, the hallway dumped out into a much larger tunnel. I remember thinking "a bus could fit through here!" and it stretched far beyond the dim lights reach of my Nokia. I debated on whether I should just head back and decided now was an appropriate time to spark up a smoke, which didn't mix well with the stale air. Replacing my light source with the flame from my lighter provided enough light to see a panel of switches on the wall next to the smaller tunnel. I flipped one and the main tunnel lit up surprisingly, popping a humming to life. It was at least a football field in length. There were a few other similar little tunnels in various locations along this larger one.
As I was taking in just how long it was I peered from one end to the other and down at the farthest end was what looked like a person. The realization snapped me out of my wonderment. I was now uneasy at the thought that someone was down here just hanging out in the darkness. The more I focused on the figure the more it appeared that it was just standing down there staring at me. I looked the other direction but didn't notice anyone or anything. Taking a drag as I looked back towards the figure who I was now significantly closer to, I stopped in mid step. I hadn't been aware of it but I had been walking towards the figure. That's when everything in my body told me to leave now. And in that very moment the figure began running at me full sprint. There was no time to make sense of how or why I was walking towards the figure or why I was even down here in the first place as I turned running as fast as I could.
When I got to the smaller tunnel I took the opportunity to glance back over my shoulder while rounding the corner. To my absolute terror the figure was right where I was when I started running. I could hear the foot steps echoing off every surface followed with the creepiest snarling. I hit the stairs skipping three or four steps at a time. The light from the night city sky poured over the remaining steps and I nearly forgot the drop I had made getting down there. As I reached for the side of the stair well to pull my self up I could here that thing hit the stairs. With every ounce of adrenaline I heaved myself up and rolled out into the alley. Frantically I picked myself up and rammed into the dumpster closing the gap and began to head to the main street. That night I sprinted the nearly 1.5 miles back home without stopping or looking back.
I wish I could say that I forgot about that night and the tunnels to save myself some sanity in life. If I had only known this was the beginning of something much older and darker than I could have imagined. It took me a few weeks to shake the initial shock of that encounter. Eventually I went back during the day but couldn't even find the dumpster. I put it out of my mind until about six months later when an opportunity came up to visit with my grandpa...
2024.05.21 10:03 MrPixelCactus Idea for a TOTK Link to replace the current Link in the game
Grab: Use Ultrahand to grab enemies, has a longer length then the Samus chain grab. It can also grab ledges.
Up Special: Use ascend under the stage or any platform, has a small hitbox around where you ascend to make sure enemies don't get too close and start a combo. Used mainly for vertical recovery. Has a long but still limited range so you cannot recover from anywhere under the map.
Neutral Special: Use your bow as usual, but this time with a small twist, your arrows will randomly fuse with a few different materials, being a bomb flower arrow that explodes on impact, a fire fruit arrow that if you hit an enemy with they will be set on fire for for a short time doing a small amount of damage, and a keese eye arrow that will track enemies, does less damage then the other arrows. Keep in mind that you only have 5 of each of these arrow types, indicated by a small icon with a number next to your percentage number that shows how much of each resource you have, after you run out your arrows will be turned into low damage normal arrows. All arrows can be charged up as usual.
Down Special: Use recall to go back in time by 5 seconds, takes around 1.5 to take you to where you last where at that time
Side Special: Use Autobuild to create a small plane using Zonai fans and a Zonai wing. It will fly Infront of wherever you are facing, dealing about 10% damage to any enemies who are hit by it, launching them upwards, it cannot be stopped by attacks or specials.
The Aerials and the rest of the attacks will be similar to what we've seen with Link before. I'm sure someone in the comments will come up with something more creative.
Let me know what changes you would make in the comments.
submitted by MrPixelCactus to supersmashbros [link] [comments]
Up Special: Use ascend under the stage or any platform, has a small hitbox around where you ascend to make sure enemies don't get too close and start a combo. Used mainly for vertical recovery. Has a long but still limited range so you cannot recover from anywhere under the map.
Neutral Special: Use your bow as usual, but this time with a small twist, your arrows will randomly fuse with a few different materials, being a bomb flower arrow that explodes on impact, a fire fruit arrow that if you hit an enemy with they will be set on fire for for a short time doing a small amount of damage, and a keese eye arrow that will track enemies, does less damage then the other arrows. Keep in mind that you only have 5 of each of these arrow types, indicated by a small icon with a number next to your percentage number that shows how much of each resource you have, after you run out your arrows will be turned into low damage normal arrows. All arrows can be charged up as usual.
Down Special: Use recall to go back in time by 5 seconds, takes around 1.5 to take you to where you last where at that time
Side Special: Use Autobuild to create a small plane using Zonai fans and a Zonai wing. It will fly Infront of wherever you are facing, dealing about 10% damage to any enemies who are hit by it, launching them upwards, it cannot be stopped by attacks or specials.
The Aerials and the rest of the attacks will be similar to what we've seen with Link before. I'm sure someone in the comments will come up with something more creative.
Let me know what changes you would make in the comments.
2024.05.21 09:51 Brilliant_Year_6003 Whole Lotta Budgets and Clones
Timestamp and Videos: https://imgur.com/a/xVGPbDj
Boilerplate: Well, went on a bit of a spending spree and then have nowhere to put the new acquisitions, so both need to fill the coffers and make room in the case.
Mostly uninterested in trades (bought too much this week already) but a full Ti Chaves Chub Flipper or a We OAO might be considered. Maybe some weird Maxace stuff, although I have most of the ones I want.
Yolo beats any sort of chat haggling, etc. Please be over 18 and know your knife laws etc.
Shipping to lower 48 is included with Pirateship insurance. Payment is paypal f&f no notes, please. Can also do venmo or zelle.
1.) CLONE Vosteed RSKAOS SV30 TV30
Blurb: Not the most faithful representation but a cheap way to see if you like the blade shape: I will say this guy has steel handles instead of titanium, it’s kind of on the heavy side. Might be useful to keep in your car or in your pocket on a bike ride in case you need to have something heavy to throw at a mean car or something. Paid 40 plus Tax on Aliexpress, so save yourself 20 bucks and a four week wait.
Ownership: 1st Owner
Did I cut or carry or Sharpen: No
Disassembled? No
Snails Trails etc: Not a one.
Box etc?: Yes, have original box. And the nylon belt holster thingy.
2.) CLONE Glykon Dagger OTF SV30 TV30
Blurb: Faithful representation, the three switches are indeed one single molded piece like the original, but again with the steel handles. Although this guy isn’t as heavy as #1 it’s a bit heavier than you’d expect. Solid Blade, good switch just can’t really carry OTF’s and most us Retailers aren’t too happy about mailing them to my geography, but Ali sellers don’t seem to mind, just wanted to try some out I suppose. Paid 40 plus Tax on Aliexpress, so save yourself 20 bucks and a four week wait.
Ownership: 1st Owner
Did I cut or carry or Sharpen: No
Disassembled? Yes, to see how it ticks.
Snails Trails etc: Not a one.
Box etc?: Yes, have original box.
3.) CLONE Glykon Tanto OTF SV30 TV30
Blurb: Really Cool blade shape, and the three switches are indeed one single molded piece like the original, but again with the steel handles. Although this guy isn’t as heavy as #1 it’s a bit heavier than you’d expect. Solid Blade, good Action, only thing was that this guy came coated in like the worst blue coating. It got scratchy if you looked at it funny. So I put some elbow grease into using a scotch-brite pad to take off that coating but left it in the grooves and in the switch track etc. I think it looks 1000% cooler this way but it has been rather heavily modified. Paid 40 plus Tax on Aliexpress, so save yourself 20 bucks and a four week wait.
Ownership: 1st Owner
Did I cut or carry or Sharpen: No
Disassembled? Yes, and scrubbed off the obnoxious blue coating with scotch-brite pads.
Snails Trails etc: Looks pretty good.
Box etc?: Yes, have original box. And the nylon belt holster thingy.
4.) CLONE Heretic Manticore S Mini OTF SV30 TV30
Blurb: This dude is small but mighty. Cool tanto blade. Paid 40 plus Tax on Aliexpress, so save yourself 20 bucks and a four week wait.
Ownership: 1st Owner
Did I cut or carry or Sharpen: No
Disassembled? No
Snails Trails etc: Looks pretty good.
Box etc?: Yes, have original box. And the nylon belt holster thingy. And little screwdriver.
5.) Meton Boss Blue Patterned Anodized Titanium Scale for Hinderer XM-18 3.5 SV100 TV100
Blurb: Kind of timascus-looking titanium scale for a hinderer from meton boss. This thing retails for $199.99 and does have weight reduction milling on the inside. Save yourself 100 bucks and the fact that these are currently sold-out on meton boss’ web site.
Ownership: 2nd Owner
Did I cut, carry or sharpen: This did live on a hinderer for a minute and was carried by me but as soon as I got my hands on the oil slick zirc scale it’s been in the case.
Disassembled? It’s a single solid piece of metal, so no, but it has been on a knife.
Snails Trails etc: Not that I can see. Oils from your hand can dull titanium anodization so you have to give it a bath with dawn or windex every once in a while.
Box etc?: just came in a plastic bag with a piece of soft Styrofoam in it, which I have.
6.) Olight Oknife Parrot Micarta Handles Black Coated 154CM blade SV50 TV50
Blurb: This is the knife I used to teach myself front-flipping. And I highly recommend it in this regard. I can front flip all kinds of stuff now. These things are going for 79.95 on amazon. The micarta is soft and the blade is sharp. Save yourself 30 bucks.
Ownership: 1st owner
Did I cut, carry or sharpen: Just opened this one to take the pictures. (this isn’t the exact one I used to teach myself front flipping, that one is still here).
Disassembled? Nah
Snails Trails etc: Not that I can see.
Box etc?: Have box, pouch, coin, microfiber towel thing, maybe even an instruction manual? Everything that was in the box is still there.
7.) CLONE Rockstead Hizen SV40 TV40
Blurb: Well if you ever wanted to handle something that looks kinda like a rockstead to try it on for feels this is your guy. While it doesn’t have the famous convex grind it is a couple of nicely milled pieces of titanium and a rather nice-looking blade. Which they call “Japan AUS-10”. These are going for about 55 plus tax on Ali, I’ll save you 25 bucks and the four week wait.
Ownership: 1st owner
Did I cut, carry or sharpen: Just flipped it a few times.
Disassembled? Nah
Snails Trails etc: Not that I can see.
Box etc?: Have box.
8.) The Famous Beketen Relative CLONE SV100 TV100
Blurb: If you’ve spent any time on the Chinese knives Sub you’ve heard of this guy. It was one of those knives that did a few minor tweaks to the original to come up with something perhaps slightly better, like including both front and rear flipper in addition to the hole, and including a longer backspacer. Someone had one tested and I think the verdict is generally that it is M390. Anyway, I have purchased four of these for the purposes of testing various surface mods like polishing and or burnishing and anodizing, and I just never got around to messing with this one, it’s still 100% stock. These are retailing on Ail for 113 but I’ll save you 20 bucks and the four week-wait.
Ownership: 1st owner
Did I cut, carry or sharpen: Just flipped it a few times.
Disassembled? Nah
Snails Trails etc: Not that I can see.
Box etc?: Have taco, don’t think this guy came with a box
9.) Sold Sold SoldThe See-Through Trodon CLONE with Interceptor blade SV50 TV50
Blurb: Picked this up on the swap for 60, was fun to play with and the clear handle is a novelty. The interceptor blade is really dope. I don’t know where this guy came from originally, I can’t find anything like it. Won’t be too bummed if this guy doesn’t sell but again, I can’t really carry these in my Geography.
Ownership: 2nd owner.
Did I cut, carry or sharpen: Just actuated it a few times.
Disassembled? Nah
Snails Trails etc: Not that I can see.
Box etc?: I didn’t get any of that with this guy, I’ll put it in a taco.
10.) Lansky 5- Stone Ceramic Knife Sharpener Kit. SV30 TV30
Blurb: These are retailing at amazon for 50, this system holds the angle of sharpening so that it’s uniform on both sides of the blade. I just have too much crap.
Ownership: 1st
Did I cut, carry or sharpen: This has sharpened a few knives.
Disassembled? Yes, and assembled.
Snails Trails etc: Not really.
Box etc?: Has it’s own special plastic box.
11.) CLONE Benchmade Bundle SV60 TV60
Blurb: I threw out the cheap washers that came with the Aluminum Radiation pattern bugout and replaced them with real phosphor bronze washers from USA Knife Maker. The 0.5 cm ones, not the oem .33 cm ones. As a result, the action on this guy is just glassy. At least as good as my OEM bugouts. The narrows I’m throwing in at substantial discount. This is the OK knives version, so it’s not the one that totally sucks, probably titanium scales even (they weren’t magnetic). The real score here is that you’re getting a bugout that definitely has that smooth glossy action which can be hard to find on even an OEM bugout sometimes. Still saving you at least 25 bucks over what I paid for these and no-four-week-wait.
Ownership: 1st
Did I cut, carry or sharpen: None of those things no.
Disassembled? Yes, and replaced washers on the bugout. Haven’t disassembled the narrows.
Snails Trails etc: Nope.
Box etc?: I’ll put them in a taco. Don’t think I have a box for these, but I’ll look again.
11.) Twosun TS341 Sidewinder SV55 TV55
Blurb: Sweet little knife. Factory Entropic Ano and texture on the titanium handles. Picked this guy up on the swap for 75, saving you 20 bucks and the long shipping times. The original seller’s pictures are still up on imjur: https://imgur.com/a/noxmdfo Also has some carbon fiber inlays D2 Steel.
Ownership: 2nd
Did I cut, carry or sharpen: None of those things no.
Disassembled? no
Snails Trails etc: Nope.
Box etc?: Yes.
Can’t believe I’m done writing now. Woof. That was a lot. Hope y ’all enjoy these knives. I tried to make the prices as bro-ey as possible. Of course shoot your shot if you think I’m off base. Take 5 off if you buy 2, 10 off for three, etc.
submitted by Brilliant_Year_6003 to Knife_Swap [link] [comments]
Boilerplate: Well, went on a bit of a spending spree and then have nowhere to put the new acquisitions, so both need to fill the coffers and make room in the case.
Mostly uninterested in trades (bought too much this week already) but a full Ti Chaves Chub Flipper or a We OAO might be considered. Maybe some weird Maxace stuff, although I have most of the ones I want.
Yolo beats any sort of chat haggling, etc. Please be over 18 and know your knife laws etc.
Shipping to lower 48 is included with Pirateship insurance. Payment is paypal f&f no notes, please. Can also do venmo or zelle.
1.) CLONE Vosteed RSKAOS SV30 TV30
Blurb: Not the most faithful representation but a cheap way to see if you like the blade shape: I will say this guy has steel handles instead of titanium, it’s kind of on the heavy side. Might be useful to keep in your car or in your pocket on a bike ride in case you need to have something heavy to throw at a mean car or something. Paid 40 plus Tax on Aliexpress, so save yourself 20 bucks and a four week wait.
Ownership: 1st Owner
Did I cut or carry or Sharpen: No
Disassembled? No
Snails Trails etc: Not a one.
Box etc?: Yes, have original box. And the nylon belt holster thingy.
2.) CLONE Glykon Dagger OTF SV30 TV30
Blurb: Faithful representation, the three switches are indeed one single molded piece like the original, but again with the steel handles. Although this guy isn’t as heavy as #1 it’s a bit heavier than you’d expect. Solid Blade, good switch just can’t really carry OTF’s and most us Retailers aren’t too happy about mailing them to my geography, but Ali sellers don’t seem to mind, just wanted to try some out I suppose. Paid 40 plus Tax on Aliexpress, so save yourself 20 bucks and a four week wait.
Ownership: 1st Owner
Did I cut or carry or Sharpen: No
Disassembled? Yes, to see how it ticks.
Snails Trails etc: Not a one.
Box etc?: Yes, have original box.
3.) CLONE Glykon Tanto OTF SV30 TV30
Blurb: Really Cool blade shape, and the three switches are indeed one single molded piece like the original, but again with the steel handles. Although this guy isn’t as heavy as #1 it’s a bit heavier than you’d expect. Solid Blade, good Action, only thing was that this guy came coated in like the worst blue coating. It got scratchy if you looked at it funny. So I put some elbow grease into using a scotch-brite pad to take off that coating but left it in the grooves and in the switch track etc. I think it looks 1000% cooler this way but it has been rather heavily modified. Paid 40 plus Tax on Aliexpress, so save yourself 20 bucks and a four week wait.
Ownership: 1st Owner
Did I cut or carry or Sharpen: No
Disassembled? Yes, and scrubbed off the obnoxious blue coating with scotch-brite pads.
Snails Trails etc: Looks pretty good.
Box etc?: Yes, have original box. And the nylon belt holster thingy.
4.) CLONE Heretic Manticore S Mini OTF SV30 TV30
Blurb: This dude is small but mighty. Cool tanto blade. Paid 40 plus Tax on Aliexpress, so save yourself 20 bucks and a four week wait.
Ownership: 1st Owner
Did I cut or carry or Sharpen: No
Disassembled? No
Snails Trails etc: Looks pretty good.
Box etc?: Yes, have original box. And the nylon belt holster thingy. And little screwdriver.
5.) Meton Boss Blue Patterned Anodized Titanium Scale for Hinderer XM-18 3.5 SV100 TV100
Blurb: Kind of timascus-looking titanium scale for a hinderer from meton boss. This thing retails for $199.99 and does have weight reduction milling on the inside. Save yourself 100 bucks and the fact that these are currently sold-out on meton boss’ web site.
Ownership: 2nd Owner
Did I cut, carry or sharpen: This did live on a hinderer for a minute and was carried by me but as soon as I got my hands on the oil slick zirc scale it’s been in the case.
Disassembled? It’s a single solid piece of metal, so no, but it has been on a knife.
Snails Trails etc: Not that I can see. Oils from your hand can dull titanium anodization so you have to give it a bath with dawn or windex every once in a while.
Box etc?: just came in a plastic bag with a piece of soft Styrofoam in it, which I have.
6.) Olight Oknife Parrot Micarta Handles Black Coated 154CM blade SV50 TV50
Blurb: This is the knife I used to teach myself front-flipping. And I highly recommend it in this regard. I can front flip all kinds of stuff now. These things are going for 79.95 on amazon. The micarta is soft and the blade is sharp. Save yourself 30 bucks.
Ownership: 1st owner
Did I cut, carry or sharpen: Just opened this one to take the pictures. (this isn’t the exact one I used to teach myself front flipping, that one is still here).
Disassembled? Nah
Snails Trails etc: Not that I can see.
Box etc?: Have box, pouch, coin, microfiber towel thing, maybe even an instruction manual? Everything that was in the box is still there.
7.) CLONE Rockstead Hizen SV40 TV40
Blurb: Well if you ever wanted to handle something that looks kinda like a rockstead to try it on for feels this is your guy. While it doesn’t have the famous convex grind it is a couple of nicely milled pieces of titanium and a rather nice-looking blade. Which they call “Japan AUS-10”. These are going for about 55 plus tax on Ali, I’ll save you 25 bucks and the four week wait.
Ownership: 1st owner
Did I cut, carry or sharpen: Just flipped it a few times.
Disassembled? Nah
Snails Trails etc: Not that I can see.
Box etc?: Have box.
8.) The Famous Beketen Relative CLONE SV100 TV100
Blurb: If you’ve spent any time on the Chinese knives Sub you’ve heard of this guy. It was one of those knives that did a few minor tweaks to the original to come up with something perhaps slightly better, like including both front and rear flipper in addition to the hole, and including a longer backspacer. Someone had one tested and I think the verdict is generally that it is M390. Anyway, I have purchased four of these for the purposes of testing various surface mods like polishing and or burnishing and anodizing, and I just never got around to messing with this one, it’s still 100% stock. These are retailing on Ail for 113 but I’ll save you 20 bucks and the four week-wait.
Ownership: 1st owner
Did I cut, carry or sharpen: Just flipped it a few times.
Disassembled? Nah
Snails Trails etc: Not that I can see.
Box etc?: Have taco, don’t think this guy came with a box
9.) Sold Sold Sold
10.) Lansky 5- Stone Ceramic Knife Sharpener Kit. SV30 TV30
Blurb: These are retailing at amazon for 50, this system holds the angle of sharpening so that it’s uniform on both sides of the blade. I just have too much crap.
Ownership: 1st
Did I cut, carry or sharpen: This has sharpened a few knives.
Disassembled? Yes, and assembled.
Snails Trails etc: Not really.
Box etc?: Has it’s own special plastic box.
11.) CLONE Benchmade Bundle SV60 TV60
Blurb: I threw out the cheap washers that came with the Aluminum Radiation pattern bugout and replaced them with real phosphor bronze washers from USA Knife Maker. The 0.5 cm ones, not the oem .33 cm ones. As a result, the action on this guy is just glassy. At least as good as my OEM bugouts. The narrows I’m throwing in at substantial discount. This is the OK knives version, so it’s not the one that totally sucks, probably titanium scales even (they weren’t magnetic). The real score here is that you’re getting a bugout that definitely has that smooth glossy action which can be hard to find on even an OEM bugout sometimes. Still saving you at least 25 bucks over what I paid for these and no-four-week-wait.
Ownership: 1st
Did I cut, carry or sharpen: None of those things no.
Disassembled? Yes, and replaced washers on the bugout. Haven’t disassembled the narrows.
Snails Trails etc: Nope.
Box etc?: I’ll put them in a taco. Don’t think I have a box for these, but I’ll look again.
11.) Twosun TS341 Sidewinder SV55 TV55
Blurb: Sweet little knife. Factory Entropic Ano and texture on the titanium handles. Picked this guy up on the swap for 75, saving you 20 bucks and the long shipping times. The original seller’s pictures are still up on imjur: https://imgur.com/a/noxmdfo Also has some carbon fiber inlays D2 Steel.
Ownership: 2nd
Did I cut, carry or sharpen: None of those things no.
Disassembled? no
Snails Trails etc: Nope.
Box etc?: Yes.
Can’t believe I’m done writing now. Woof. That was a lot. Hope y ’all enjoy these knives. I tried to make the prices as bro-ey as possible. Of course shoot your shot if you think I’m off base. Take 5 off if you buy 2, 10 off for three, etc.
2024.05.21 09:00 Stage-Piercing727 Best Cold Steel Corsican
 | submitted by Stage-Piercing727 to u/Stage-Piercing727 [link] [comments] https://preview.redd.it/ih8f0sq0aq1d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=29097568a2a5919ac1568d352d4dea82a1a17c90 Welcome to our in-depth product review of the Cold Steel Corsican, a unique and versatile addition to any outdoorsman's collection. In this article, we will explore the features, benefits, and drawbacks of this cutting-edge tool, providing you with all the information you need to make an informed decision about whether it's the right choice for your needs. The Top 5 Best Cold Steel Corsican
Reviews🔗High-Powered, Versatile Magnum Blowgunhttps://preview.redd.it/bry49h41aq1d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=a988b47fa3f100efc80177c198f2d3257e949cc8 In my search for an exciting and versatile product, I came across the Cold Steel. 357 Magnum Blowgun. As a fan of archery and blowguns, this was a perfect addition to my collection. With soothing green colors, it perfectly complimented my existing set. The blowgun's elegant design and smooth finish caught my attention and the ease with which I could use it appealed to me. I particularly liked the sturdy mouthpiece and the rubber ferrule. The 4 foot length allowed me to perform accurately even from a distance. The blowgun comes with a quiver guard that ensures that I can carry my darts securely. The dart quiver includes 20 spear darts and 10 stun darts, which provide both exciting and safe target practice. However, I found the range to be slightly longer than advertised. My advice would be to start with a shorter length for smaller individuals, and possibly add an extension later. Overall, I recommend this blowgun for anyone looking for a unique, fun, and effective hunting solution. 🔗Stanley Quick Flip Go Water Bottle: 24 oz., Tigerlily, Dishwasher Safehttps://preview.redd.it/f1b90zu1aq1d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=63c9e7e2dba18efbafedae3d4821ff3476a25a78 As a product reviewer, I've had the pleasure of trying out the Stanley 24 oz. Quick Flip Go Water Bottle in the Tigerlily color. This water bottle has become a staple in my daily routine. The first thing that caught my eye was its sleek design – perfect for carrying on the go. The double-wall vacuum insulation is a real game-changer. Whether I'm sipping on iced water in the summer or a hot cup of tea in the winter, the temperature remains consistent for hours. One feature I particularly appreciate is the trigger-action lid. It's easy to use and helps prevent spills, making it great for when I'm on the move. Plus, the fact that it's dishwasher safe is a lifesaver. No more scrubbing by hand! However, there are a couple of downsides. Firstly, the weight of the bottle can be a bit of a struggle for those who prefer a lighter option. Secondly, the dimensions might not fit all car cup holders, which can be a hassle during road trips. Overall, the Stanley Quick Flip Go Water Bottle has been a reliable companion in my everyday life. Its combination of style, functionality, and durability make it a must-have for anyone looking for a reliable water bottle. 🔗High-Performance Goalie Blades: Blacksteel Double-Edge Replacement for CCM 2-Bolt Goalie Cowlingshttps://preview.redd.it/dg5f50v1aq1d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=d3aaee4a01004e6ca6000d749eee17117144aa68 Imagine stepping onto the ice, knowing that the goalie equipment you're wearing can make a difference in your game. That's exactly what Step Steel's black steel goalie blades offer. These replacement runners for CCM 2-Bolt goalie cowlings are designed to give you the best edge quality out there. As a hockey player, I quickly noticed how different the game felt with these black steel goalie blades. The precision and accuracy they offered on the ice were outstanding. The blade's design made it easier for me to glide across the ice, and the added stability it provided made me feel more confident in my game. One downside is that they may not fit well with all goalie cowlings, but they're specifically designed for CCM 2-Bolt goalie cowlings. This makes it crucial to check the compatibility before making a purchase. Overall, Step Steel's black steel goalie blades stand out with their superior edge quality and stability on the ice. If you're a goalie seeking better performance and smoother gameplay, consider giving these blades a try. 🔗Stylish and Durable 30oz Cold Cup for On-the-Go Drinkinghttps://preview.redd.it/asivl662aq1d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=4e2973364d5d6c1ec31dfc303ed404f33ea67026 The Cold Cup XL by Corkcicle is like the big brother to the regular Corkcicle Cold Cup. This supersized, 30 oz version is perfect for those who love to stay hydrated and carry their favorite drinks on the go. The cold cup XL features an ergonomic handle making it easy to hold, and the spillproof centerline cap with a handy, attached straw ensures your drink stays where it should be. The cup is designed to look sleek and modern, fitting seamlessly into your cup holder and making it easy to carry around. With its impressive 30 oz capacity, you can enjoy your drink for hours without worrying about it running out. However, the metal straw can be a bit noisy when it makes contact with the cup's interior. One of the most significant disappointments I faced was the product's inability to maintain the cold temperature of the drinks as claimed. After about an hour, the water started taking on an odd metallic taste, making it impossible for me to use the cup. Despite the unique, appealing color options and the overall look of the cup, its practicality is compromised due to this issue. In conclusion, the Cold Cup XL by Corkcicle is a functional and stylish option for those who need a big cup to keep their drinks cold throughout the day. However, its metallic taste after a short period of storage might deter some potential buyers. 🔗High-Quality Aluminum Handled Bolts for Precision Huntinghttps://preview.redd.it/wbagjup2aq1d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=44b6ce34ac54f1d1d971c9a68c7c652f3cd4df1f I recently had the chance to try out the Cold Steel Cheap Shot 130 crossbow bolts and I must say, these are a game changer for crossbow enthusiasts. The aluminum shaft and synthetic fletching provide a reliable and consistent shooting experience, while the field point ensures accuracy. However, I've noticed that the bolts lack the strength required for hunting larger game, especially when fired from a distance. Nonetheless, the affordable price point makes it a tempting option for those looking to stock up on crossbow ammunition without breaking the bank. Overall, the Cold Steel Cheap Shot 130 crossbow bolts would be perfect for target shooting or small game hunting. I appreciate the sturdy construction and versatile design, but would be cautious when using it for bigger game. Buyer's GuideCold Steel Corsican is a category of blades known for their durability, quality, and unique design. These blades have been crafted by Cold Steel, a renowned manufacturer in the industry. In this buyer's guide, we will discuss the essential features, considerations, and advice to help you make an informed decision when purchasing a Cold Steel Corsican blade. https://preview.redd.it/lnh8fdx2aq1d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=ae0e8e48a24a26324db5cce7aa4e298536037a8b Material and ConstructionThe Cold Steel Corsican line features blades made from high-carbon stainless steel, which ensures strength and durability. The handle is typically constructed from G-10 or Micarta, providing a comfortable grip and resistance to corrosion. Some models may include a partial tang, adding to the overall sturdiness and balance of the knife.Design and StyleThe Corsican line showcases various designs and styles, including dagger-like and traditional knives. The Corsican Tanto, for example, features a straight edge and a unique point, while the Corsican Strap-Cutlass offers a curved edge for cutting tasks. These blades have distinct and eye-catching appearances that can cater to different preferences and demands.https://preview.redd.it/ki6r54e3aq1d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=15ee4d34cb882a74e6c7036d0b06cd578a9e4797 Handle Comfort and ErgonomicsA comfortable and ergonomic handle is crucial for a safe and efficient user experience. Cold Steel Corsican blades often feature handles designed for a secure grip and easy maneuverability, especially during strenuous tasks. Consider the size, shape, and materials of the handle when selecting a Corsican blade that fits your personal needs and preferences.Maintenance and CareTo ensure the longevity and proper function of your Cold Steel Corsican blade, it should be maintained and cared for properly. Periodic cleaning and oiling are essential, while sharpening regularly is crucial to maintain the edge's quality. Always follow the manufacturer's guidelines and recommendations for optimal maintenance.When purchasing a Cold Steel Corsican blade, consider the material, construction, design, ergonomics, and maintenance requirements. By doing so, you can find the perfect Corsican blade that suits your needs and preferences, ensuring both functionality and style. https://preview.redd.it/r2pj6ig4aq1d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=4d6b14d77ba4aac3ada1d75cef1cd8b7c7d8b33c FAQWhat is the Cold Steel Corsican?The Cold Steel Corsican is a high-quality, stainless steel, double-edged knife designed for a variety of tasks. Its versatile design makes it suitable for both outdoor and indoor environments. https://preview.redd.it/c29hklo4aq1d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=2b2c2cec1908de368426ca64111cf6d35d4165e6 What makes the Cold Steel Corsican unique?The Cold Steel Corsican features a unique combination of high-quality materials, including stainless steel, and a distinctive design that makes it a popular choice among knife enthusiasts.How does the Cold Steel Corsican differ from other knives in the market?The Cold Steel Corsican stands out due to its high-quality stainless steel construction, which provides durability and resistant to corrosion. Additionally, its unique design and versatile features set it apart from other knives in the market.What are the features of the Cold Steel Corsican?
What is the blade length of the Cold Steel Corsican?The blade length of the Cold Steel Corsican is approximately 6 inches.Is the Cold Steel Corsican suitable for outdoor activities?Yes, the Cold Steel Corsican is designed for a variety of tasks and is suitable for both outdoor and indoor environments.What is the recommended care and maintenance for the Cold Steel Corsican?To ensure the longevity of your Cold Steel Corsican, clean it after each use and maintain it with a high-quality, stainless steel cleaner. Periodically sharpen the blade to keep it in optimal condition.As an Amazon™ Associate, we earn from qualifying purchases. |
2024.05.21 08:58 Heroman3003 Wayward Odyssey [Part 3]
This fic flows out of me way too easily, so I'm riding the waves while I can. Glad to see people enjoying it too! We continue where we left off, trying to figure out where to go, both with universe at large and with poor, lost child...
As usual, thanks to SpacePaladin15 for his own great work and letting fanfiction flow, and everyone who supported and enjoyed the fic thus far. So, let's see where this goes from now.
First - Prev - [Next]
Memory Transcription Subject: Dr. Erin Kuemper, SETI Researcher
Date [standardized human time]: July 15, 2136
Before entering the conference room, I adjusted my dress suit. Even for official meetings, I usually just prefer simpler official outfits, but this time is different. Being invited to observe the first official diplomatic meeting between humanity and aliens, I wanted to be perfect for it, even if it was meeting the baby-eating monster aliens over a video call.
Stepping inside, I see the other people that would be present for it. Normally, as a SETI researcher, I would object to the presence of any military heads at such a meeting, on purely conceptual level, much less two. But with what we have learned I can’t help but almost feel like even entire room filled with generals wouldn’t be enough for this.
“Ah, Dr. Kuemper. Come in, take a seat. We plan to start hailing them in ten minutes.” Secretary-General motions towards one of free seats, so I take the one that’s further away from both generals. As I do though, General Jones starts talking to me.
“So, Dr. Kuemper, how’s our rescue doing? Were there any further incidents?”, she asked.
“No, not yet. She still hasn’t woken up since that last sedation. While we don’t understand nearly enough about her biology yet, drawing some parallels with biology of Earth life we can infer that while her life is no longer threatened, she will likely take a while to fully recover from blood loss and malnutrition. Much bigger problem will be communicating our intentions to her, as well as regaining her trust after... everything.”
“Is it really smart to assign Noah Williams as one of her main caretakers then?” She asked, raising her eyebrow.
“From analyzing the footage of the incident, she reacted the same way to all the humans in the room. I doubt it was Williams’ specific appearance that was the source of such intense fright. And that assignment is not just for the sake of the alien, but Williams himself. Him and Rosario are both, frankly, on suicide watch right now. They need a chance to try and do something to relieve their guilt.”
To that General Jones just hummed, before turning to the screen. I could also hear General Zhao, the Chinese general, snorting in amusement. I am not sure what he found funny about this, but I’d rather not know at all.
It wasn’t a rational call, I knew it, but if there’s anyone who can project most empathy possible towards our alien rescue, it’d be Noah. I have asked Sara if she wished to participate as well, but she struggles to even look at the child without throwing up, so for her, distancing might be for the best.
“We’re beginning to hail the Arxur Dominion now.” Secretary-General announced, standing in front of the screen, facing it. “Not sure how long it will take.”
“I bet time zones get a ton more complicated on interstellar level...” General Zhao grumbled.
Afterwards, there were long twenty minutes of silence, interrupted by an occasional cough or shuffle before finally screen shifted, and displayed the aliens. It appears they also were in a private conference room, like us. In the middle, standing tallest and looking at us was none other than Chief Hunter Isif from photos the Odyssey crew took. Behind him were two more arxur. One was similar to Isif in build and stature, though not quite as tall, and the other was notably shorter and scrawnier, with lighter scale coloration. Part of me almost assumed that was a female, before I remembered that in the data dump there were no signs of easily notable sexual dimorphism among the arxur. An adolescent then, perhaps?
“Humans. I am glad you responded to our invitation. I believe an introduction is in order. I am Chief Hunter Isif of Arxur Dominion.” The alien spoke, translators working already, translating the noises unlike anything human makes into discernable speech.
“Greetings, Chief Hunter Isif. I am Secretary-General Elias Meier. I represent the United Nations, or UN for short, a governing body meant to represent combined interests of all individual nations of Earth. Before we proceed, I need to ask. Will I not be speaking to your leader, Prophet-Descendant, today?”
That was on the agenda for the meeting, if I remembered correctly. Trying to interact with arxur other than Isif. To gauge just how far this goes. Though it doesn’t seem like it’s happening, considering Isif is the one who picked up and how now he was emitting a low hiss that almost felt like it was carrying amusement.
“No. No offense meant to you, humans, but we Chief Hunters are expected to conduct all business in our sectors on our own. You technically fall within my territory. Plus, why would I give up an advantage I have over other Chief Hunters so easily? We may not ever have war against one another, but the competition is fierce, and you might just be the edge I need to curry more favor.”
I noticed General Zhao scoffing at shameless honesty in arxur’s intentions for this ‘alliance’ they proposed in the databanks. Yeah, just use us to gain more advantage over his rivals. I can’t believe Secretary-General elected to deal with them after all.
“I see. I expected that. Still, even if we were granted an audience, our answer would have remained unchanged. Sorry to disappoint, Chief Hunter, but humanity simply cannot afford a full alliance with the Dominion.” Secretary-General spoke in neutral tone, but I could sense the strain in his voice.
The arxur on the screen had his facial features harden.
“I see. You’re still unconvinced of the prey’s threat to your unprepared world. You believe you may parlay with them.”
“Quite the contrary, we’re more than convinced and have no reason to believe you’re lying. However, while an alliance with you would grant us protection... It would also drag us into the war we wish no part of. We’re... grateful to you for showing hospitality to the crew of Odyssey, and for warning us of the threat, but we will not be diving into war we have no interest fighting.”
“You will not be able to hide forever.” Isif kept insisting, seemingly almost growing agitated. “We knew of you because they did, long before us. They may believe you dead, but all it’d take is one stray vessel for you to be doomed.”
Part of me wanted to be relieved that, despite the tense tone, the negotiations so far were going exactly as planned. Another part of me wept that we were intentionally alienating and putting distance between ourselves and the aliens. And a third part of me was disgusted at the fact that we were talking to them at all.
“Trust us, Chief Hunter, we do not plan to merely sit and wait to be discovered and exterminated. We will be preparing. We simply don’t wish to enter the fight without a good reason.” Elias continued, pushing on to the next topic. “That said, just because we don’t wish for alliance, doesn’t mean we can’t mutually benefit from one another still.”
I could see that the shorter arxur behind Isif was about to speak up, but flinched when the larger one glared at them. Isif himself narrowed his eyes at Elias.
“And what benefit do you see that isn’t us joining hands in battle for survival, Elias Meier?”
I couldn’t see his face, but I could feel Secretary-General smiling at Chief Hunter.
“Trade. Your people are, by your own admission, starving. We could provide a solution. What we lack, however, is information. In this universe, we’re blind, and just sending out probes risks discovery. If you’d be willing to supply us with intel on Federation, we’d be more than glad to relieve your hunger. Maybe not the whole Dominion... But definitely all of your sector’s arxur.”
Arxur behind Isif both slightly opened their mouths, eyes widening in almost human-like expression. Even Isif seemed to be taken slightly aback, though he composed himself much quicker, glaring at his subordinates to make them collect themselves. On our end, I could see General Zhao smirking, and General Jones tapping at her chin in contemplation, while I twiddled my thumbs nervously, waiting for rug to be pulled from under us.
“You promise a lot. Producing food in such quantities with just one planet, even if it were filled with cattle, is impossible. Simply unsustainable.” Isif replied.
“We have our ways, Isif. We solved hunger once, we can do so again. Not immediately, it will take time to ramp up production, of course... But once that happens, all you need to do is name your price in how much meat you need and we will provide. And all we want in return is information to better defend ourselves.”
There was a long pause of contemplation. When looking closely, I could see something that was either agitation... or excitement among Isif’s posse, but Chief Hunter himself remained unimpressed. Eventually he did speak up.
“Don’t think I will fall for such a trick, Elias Meier. You humans are still young, still naive to the cruelty of the universe. We were once like you, and were nearly wiped out for it. I will not have it happen to the only other True Sapient in the galaxy. I will trade information. But I can already sense what the first request will be, and you will not be getting translations for Federation languages.”
That made every human in the room except Elias tense up. I almost flinched at the accusation, Jones hid her mouth behind her hand and Zhao’s smirk turned into a frown. Only Secretary-General remained unshaken. Isif, in meantime, continued speaking.
“If you prove yourself capable of helping us, and manage to provide as much sustenance as you claim you can... I will consider it. But until then, I will not be accelerating your desire to commit extinction by Federation’s hands.”
“Then, if you need to benefit from us first before putting us at risk, we can only thank you again for your concern, Chief Hunter.” Secretary-General replied. I was surprised at how collected he remained despite the arxur completely seeing through our intentions with this ‘trade deal’. “Trust us, we have no interest in getting annihilated in antimatter fire, but we are willing to work to earn your trust. We will be sending lists of information we desire. I hope that partnership can strengthen the bonds between us further.”
“Indeed. We will review and return to you the amounts of food we will require for it. Show us what you are capable of, humans. Now let’s get this over with. Conversing like that is... tiring.”
Right. Arxur are naturally solitary, according to the databank they gave us. A species of biologically predisposed introverts...
“Farewell, Chief Hunter Isif.” Meier replied curtly, before the screen dimmed and camera light disappeared. Contact was over.
I let out a deep sigh of relief, realizing I’ve been holding it in for a while now. There... was a lot to consider about what just happened. I was told footage would be saved, so we can better analyze the arxur nonverbal cues later.
Elias turned to us and put his hands on the table.
“So, that didn’t go as bad as it could have. Any thoughts?”
General Zhao was first to speak up.
“We’ll need information on Federation tactics and weaponry. We’ll have to prepare a strong l space military regardless of whether they can be talked down, but it’s much easier to convince someone not to kill you when doing so risks their own life.”
“I’m more interested in whether there is any technology that could allow us to send spy drones into Federation space without leaving obvious trail back to us.” General Jones countered. “We might not even need arxur translators if we can decode the language via our own surveillance.”
Elias turned his eyes on me expectantly. I considered everything that happened, things Isif said and ways his presumably-lieutenants reacted to conversation, things we learned from their data bank... And it dawned on me.
“They... see us the same way we have seen them before learning of their horrid acts. First contact with someone who treats you like a person, and first people in the galaxy whom you can see as friends. We sought the stars seeking to not be alone in the universe, and while their ways are repulsive to us... It’s not true the other way. This cooperation to them is much more sentimental than it is to us. They want to be able to trust us and rely on us.”
Elias smiled and nodded at my assessment.
“Thank you for your input, everyone. We have a lot of work ahead of us. Dr. Kuemper, I hope you’re ready for tomorrow’s announcement and your promotion?”
Right. Tomorrow we’re revealing that First Contact has occurred to the public. It took a lot of effort to make it presentable without triggering mass panic, and some details will be omitted. That and I’m receiving a new position in the UN related to handling alien affairs. What a joy...
“As ready as I can be.”
“Then let’s get to it. It won’t be easy, people, but our entire civilization is at stake. We need to get this right, and in a way that won’t have our descendants condemning us.”
Right. Cooperation with arxur, this trade... I didn’t like the idea of it, but I understood. We needed their help. Perhaps through this cooperation, rather than them influencing us, reverse can be made true, unlikely as it may seem. Worst part was failing to secure any translators at all. While I’m sure generals are salivating at idea of cyber-espionage against the Federation, I just wanted to be able to communicate with the rescued child, and make sure we could properly help her recover. Still... We will do our best, even without them.
Memory Transcription Subject: Stynek, Venlil Test Subject
Date [standardized human time]: July 15, 2136
Second time I woke up; the memories came to me much faster. How I was captured during the raid. How I spent months in cattle pens. How I was used as a meal for mystery predators. How they took me with them. And how I was now in their laboratory, or whatever closest thing predators have in their feral science.
Of course, my first instinct was to try and escape, but I couldn’t. I found myself actively strapped to the bed. I was panicked at first, trying to break through the restraints, but to no effect. So I let my head fall back onto surprisingly soft pillow and lay there... Awaiting my fate. But fate wasn’t coming, and I found myself getting a bit bored. So I raised my head and examined the room.
It seemed different from the room I was in before. Most of the machinery was gone, and the only big machine beside my bed wasn’t actually hooked up to me anymore. There was a large, predator-sized closet in the corner, and two big tables with seats. Of course, there was also bed itself. If not for the fact that I was slated to be butchered on this bed soon, it’d be the most comfortable place I got to lay down on since my capture. As is... It felt like cruel irony. I felt my eyes watering again. Did predators want to taunt me? Give me this sense of near-comfort as one last cruelty?
Subconsciously I tried calling out for mom, but felt my throat burn and ended up coughing instead. I think all the screaming recently wasn’t good for it, and with how dry my mouth was it didn’t help. Looking around I spotted it. A glass of water on a small stand beside the bed! Except it was completely out of reach. I tried shifting my tail under me, to try and extend towards it, but I’d need to have the bed flipped to have the chance at reaching. They probably left it like that intentionally... Letting me feel thirst, see the answer, but not be allowed to take it, all to make me suffer more.
I attempted to shift and wiggle against the restraints some more, when it hit me. It finally hit me that my leg was gone, gone for good. Even if I could somehow miraculously break those restraints... And get out of predator captivity... And make it back home to Venlil Prime... It wouldn’t be the same. I’d never live a normal life. My vision blurred with tears again. Why couldn’t they just end it... Why did... they have to make me suffer more.
Then the door opened and my heartbeat quickened. I realized just what I asked for, and looks like the universe itself wanted to give me that. Through the door stepped a figure... No longer clad in big rubbery suit. They probably realized such deception won’t work on me. But which of predators it was made my blood freeze.
It was the same one again... The dark-colored one that was there in meeting with arxur, and when I first woke up... Why was it always this one showing up over and over? Did all those predators look like that? He was wearing different outfit, maybe it was a different predator? No, it’s too similar, it must just be... assigned to me. My personal warden. Just like the pens had specific wardens assigned to them that were in charge of picking out meals.
This is it then. They must have done everything they wanted to do with me while I was unconscious and now that I was awake to feel it, were ready to finish me off. I closed my eyes, squeezing them tightly shut as the predator approached. I lost count of how many times I was anticipating death recently, but this was it... This must be it, finally, right? Universe can’t be cruel enough to do more to me, can it?
And as I waited for my demise, with held breath I lay. And lay. And waited. Until I realized that by now predator would long be within reach of my throat. I slowly opened my eyes, and blinked a few times to get the tears out. Sight of predator right beside me made me flinch, as it sat down by the bed, looking over me with its hungry, binocular eyes. I could see its mouth, lips quivering in hunger. And yet it did not lunge... Why?! Why can’t they just finish me off already? I felt so exhausted and fatigued by it all...
Predator seemed to lock its horrid eyes with my own eye. The gaze was intense, and I felt frozen. I couldn’t move, not even a muscle, as it just stared at me and I stared back. I felt a tear roll down my face, contributing more to the clump of matted fur, grown stained with so many tears. And that’s when the predator reached its hand for my head. I closed my eyes, recoiling away to the best of my ability. I... I didn’t want it... Please... Why can’t I just wake up back home, why can’t it all just be a nightmare...
I was prepared for its claw to grasp my face, to twist my neck, to scratch at me... But the only thing I felt was a small caress right under my eye, where the tear ran, wiping it off and rubbing at clumped fur, getting bits of dirt out in process. And then it was over. There was no attack. It was just more prolonging of the inevitable. It was so... tiring. I opened my eyes again, to look back at the predator. Really look back in those cruel eyes, to try and understand why the universe would have such evilness exist at all. The binocular gaze was horrible, but no amount of my instinct telling me to flee could help when I had neither the limbs nor freedom to move. So I just looked back. Into those small eyes when they suddenly blinked. And what could only be a tear rolled down the predator’s face. This made me mentally recoil.
How? Did a predator just shed a tear? But that’s... impossible. Only creatures with empathy can cry. That’s the textbook prerequisite for crying! You need to feel things to cry! Predators don’t have that! Arxur don’t have that. We learn that since before school. One of first things parents teach their kids is always the dangers of predators. But this is... Maybe it’s something in the room? Some noxious agent irritating its eyes? Then why can’t I feel it? Is it simply copying me? But why would it do that? Can you even copy something you can’t understand, like feelings? I didn’t understand. Maybe their biology was way more alien? Their skin was naked and had no fur or scales or feathers, maybe their tears are different too? I tried to find any explanation at all, any possible answer to questions swirling in my mind, but nothing made sense. It’s like this one little tear shattered everything I knew about predators. Maybe... They were different somehow? No! That can’t be it. If they were, they wouldn’t... They wouldn’t have been ones to take part in eating me! They wouldn’t deal with arxur! It’s a trick... it must be... But tears are a sign of empathy...
“W-Why...”, I asked in my confusion. My voice came out as ragged and hoarse and I was reminded of how dry my insides felt. I glanced over to the glass at the bedside, still out of reach and now with a predator near it... I stood no chance at reaching it.
Then suddenly, the predator looked over at it as well, and picked it up. I was almost about to cry at the idea that it would drink it in front of me, taunting my thirst further. But it didn’t even bring the glass close to its horrid mouth, instead moving it towards my face. Naturally, I tried pulling back from predator reach, but still restrained, I couldn’t move much. And once the glass was in front of me, predator just tilted it and... left it hovering there.
Was it... offering me a drink? Does that mean the water is poisoned? Why else would it give me some? I didn’t open my mouth, but the predator kept hovering the glass in front of me... Clear liquid inside swishing a bit with unevenness of the movements. Tantalizing... My throat felt drier just looking at it. In the end, base instinct prevailed over reason-based self-preservation. Even if it is poisoned... I was as good as dead in this den of predators, this won’t matter, and at least I’ll die not feeling as dry as a piece of old tree bark. So I let my mouth open and I raised my head as much as I could within the restraints, putting the glass’s rim into my mouth.
That first sip was probably the most heavenly water I’ve ever tasted. It was just normal water, of course, but with how dry I felt, I couldn’t get enough as I started quickly gulping it down. The predator actually helped, tilting the glass, keeping up with how quickly I emptied it. Every gulp was a relief... It was no stale water of arxur pens. It was actually fresh water! But as quickly as it started, the happiness ended, glass fully tilted and empty. I smack my mouth, gathering little bits of moisture gathered on it with my tongue, while the predator moves the glass back onto the counter.
Well, if that had poison in it, I didn’t taste any. And if it was somehow tasteless... It was worth it. I still couldn’t wrap my mind around the predator and its actions, so instead I did my best to just ignore it as I savored the feeling of hydration. If I somehow live through this, unlikely though it may be, I will never scorn water again. Though I will probably still prefer some good juice over it...
The predator started moving again, removing the blanket-like sheet that was covering most of my body and reaching to where my restraints connected to the bed itself. It locked its eyes with me again, and this time it at least didn’t cry, but it did start to growl something. It was quiet and subdued, and of course I couldn’t understand any of it, but it didn’t lunge or reach for me directly and didn’t seem any different from earlier. Was it trying to say something?
Then I heard a small click. The light pressure I felt on my arms and chest from the restraints relaxed. Then the predator just tossed the restraint over me, revealing that they released me. I tested it by raising my arms slightly. Why...? Did they plan on taking me somewhere? I could try running but the feeling of lightness, of hollow emptiness where my leg used to be reminded me of how fruitless the endeavor would be, so I just kept laying in bed. The predator’s mouth curved in some wicked expression before they growled out some more of their crude words and got up.
They moved towards the exit, turning around to give me one last creepy staredown before stepping out of the room. And, unsurprisingly, I heard a soft click from the door itself. Right. I was just free to explore my new pen. But even with the freedom granted, I couldn’t bring myself to get out of bed. The shock of learning that a predator just shed a tear and fed me water was still too much. What is even happening?
It’s all so confusing. I grabbed the blanket and pulled it over my head, hiding in the dark. I tried to desperately convince myself to not get my hopes up, to remember what those predators did to me... But somewhere I felt like maybe things here will at least be better than they were in arxur pens. At least there’s that to comfort me. That’s right, they probably just... don’t want me to die yet because they haven’t finished experimenting on me... And the tears were just... I don’t know. It makes no sense! It’s stupid!
I let out a breath and snuggled tighter into the blanket. As long as it was dark and quiet like this, I could at least pretend that I was back home... That everything makes sense... That I am just fine... That I'll be okay...
First - Prev - [Next]
submitted by Heroman3003 to NatureofPredators [link] [comments]
As usual, thanks to SpacePaladin15 for his own great work and letting fanfiction flow, and everyone who supported and enjoyed the fic thus far. So, let's see where this goes from now.
First - Prev - [Next]
Date [standardized human time]: July 15, 2136
Before entering the conference room, I adjusted my dress suit. Even for official meetings, I usually just prefer simpler official outfits, but this time is different. Being invited to observe the first official diplomatic meeting between humanity and aliens, I wanted to be perfect for it, even if it was meeting the baby-eating monster aliens over a video call.
Stepping inside, I see the other people that would be present for it. Normally, as a SETI researcher, I would object to the presence of any military heads at such a meeting, on purely conceptual level, much less two. But with what we have learned I can’t help but almost feel like even entire room filled with generals wouldn’t be enough for this.
“Ah, Dr. Kuemper. Come in, take a seat. We plan to start hailing them in ten minutes.” Secretary-General motions towards one of free seats, so I take the one that’s further away from both generals. As I do though, General Jones starts talking to me.
“So, Dr. Kuemper, how’s our rescue doing? Were there any further incidents?”, she asked.
“No, not yet. She still hasn’t woken up since that last sedation. While we don’t understand nearly enough about her biology yet, drawing some parallels with biology of Earth life we can infer that while her life is no longer threatened, she will likely take a while to fully recover from blood loss and malnutrition. Much bigger problem will be communicating our intentions to her, as well as regaining her trust after... everything.”
“Is it really smart to assign Noah Williams as one of her main caretakers then?” She asked, raising her eyebrow.
“From analyzing the footage of the incident, she reacted the same way to all the humans in the room. I doubt it was Williams’ specific appearance that was the source of such intense fright. And that assignment is not just for the sake of the alien, but Williams himself. Him and Rosario are both, frankly, on suicide watch right now. They need a chance to try and do something to relieve their guilt.”
To that General Jones just hummed, before turning to the screen. I could also hear General Zhao, the Chinese general, snorting in amusement. I am not sure what he found funny about this, but I’d rather not know at all.
It wasn’t a rational call, I knew it, but if there’s anyone who can project most empathy possible towards our alien rescue, it’d be Noah. I have asked Sara if she wished to participate as well, but she struggles to even look at the child without throwing up, so for her, distancing might be for the best.
“We’re beginning to hail the Arxur Dominion now.” Secretary-General announced, standing in front of the screen, facing it. “Not sure how long it will take.”
“I bet time zones get a ton more complicated on interstellar level...” General Zhao grumbled.
Afterwards, there were long twenty minutes of silence, interrupted by an occasional cough or shuffle before finally screen shifted, and displayed the aliens. It appears they also were in a private conference room, like us. In the middle, standing tallest and looking at us was none other than Chief Hunter Isif from photos the Odyssey crew took. Behind him were two more arxur. One was similar to Isif in build and stature, though not quite as tall, and the other was notably shorter and scrawnier, with lighter scale coloration. Part of me almost assumed that was a female, before I remembered that in the data dump there were no signs of easily notable sexual dimorphism among the arxur. An adolescent then, perhaps?
“Humans. I am glad you responded to our invitation. I believe an introduction is in order. I am Chief Hunter Isif of Arxur Dominion.” The alien spoke, translators working already, translating the noises unlike anything human makes into discernable speech.
“Greetings, Chief Hunter Isif. I am Secretary-General Elias Meier. I represent the United Nations, or UN for short, a governing body meant to represent combined interests of all individual nations of Earth. Before we proceed, I need to ask. Will I not be speaking to your leader, Prophet-Descendant, today?”
That was on the agenda for the meeting, if I remembered correctly. Trying to interact with arxur other than Isif. To gauge just how far this goes. Though it doesn’t seem like it’s happening, considering Isif is the one who picked up and how now he was emitting a low hiss that almost felt like it was carrying amusement.
“No. No offense meant to you, humans, but we Chief Hunters are expected to conduct all business in our sectors on our own. You technically fall within my territory. Plus, why would I give up an advantage I have over other Chief Hunters so easily? We may not ever have war against one another, but the competition is fierce, and you might just be the edge I need to curry more favor.”
I noticed General Zhao scoffing at shameless honesty in arxur’s intentions for this ‘alliance’ they proposed in the databanks. Yeah, just use us to gain more advantage over his rivals. I can’t believe Secretary-General elected to deal with them after all.
“I see. I expected that. Still, even if we were granted an audience, our answer would have remained unchanged. Sorry to disappoint, Chief Hunter, but humanity simply cannot afford a full alliance with the Dominion.” Secretary-General spoke in neutral tone, but I could sense the strain in his voice.
The arxur on the screen had his facial features harden.
“I see. You’re still unconvinced of the prey’s threat to your unprepared world. You believe you may parlay with them.”
“Quite the contrary, we’re more than convinced and have no reason to believe you’re lying. However, while an alliance with you would grant us protection... It would also drag us into the war we wish no part of. We’re... grateful to you for showing hospitality to the crew of Odyssey, and for warning us of the threat, but we will not be diving into war we have no interest fighting.”
“You will not be able to hide forever.” Isif kept insisting, seemingly almost growing agitated. “We knew of you because they did, long before us. They may believe you dead, but all it’d take is one stray vessel for you to be doomed.”
Part of me wanted to be relieved that, despite the tense tone, the negotiations so far were going exactly as planned. Another part of me wept that we were intentionally alienating and putting distance between ourselves and the aliens. And a third part of me was disgusted at the fact that we were talking to them at all.
“Trust us, Chief Hunter, we do not plan to merely sit and wait to be discovered and exterminated. We will be preparing. We simply don’t wish to enter the fight without a good reason.” Elias continued, pushing on to the next topic. “That said, just because we don’t wish for alliance, doesn’t mean we can’t mutually benefit from one another still.”
I could see that the shorter arxur behind Isif was about to speak up, but flinched when the larger one glared at them. Isif himself narrowed his eyes at Elias.
“And what benefit do you see that isn’t us joining hands in battle for survival, Elias Meier?”
I couldn’t see his face, but I could feel Secretary-General smiling at Chief Hunter.
“Trade. Your people are, by your own admission, starving. We could provide a solution. What we lack, however, is information. In this universe, we’re blind, and just sending out probes risks discovery. If you’d be willing to supply us with intel on Federation, we’d be more than glad to relieve your hunger. Maybe not the whole Dominion... But definitely all of your sector’s arxur.”
Arxur behind Isif both slightly opened their mouths, eyes widening in almost human-like expression. Even Isif seemed to be taken slightly aback, though he composed himself much quicker, glaring at his subordinates to make them collect themselves. On our end, I could see General Zhao smirking, and General Jones tapping at her chin in contemplation, while I twiddled my thumbs nervously, waiting for rug to be pulled from under us.
“You promise a lot. Producing food in such quantities with just one planet, even if it were filled with cattle, is impossible. Simply unsustainable.” Isif replied.
“We have our ways, Isif. We solved hunger once, we can do so again. Not immediately, it will take time to ramp up production, of course... But once that happens, all you need to do is name your price in how much meat you need and we will provide. And all we want in return is information to better defend ourselves.”
There was a long pause of contemplation. When looking closely, I could see something that was either agitation... or excitement among Isif’s posse, but Chief Hunter himself remained unimpressed. Eventually he did speak up.
“Don’t think I will fall for such a trick, Elias Meier. You humans are still young, still naive to the cruelty of the universe. We were once like you, and were nearly wiped out for it. I will not have it happen to the only other True Sapient in the galaxy. I will trade information. But I can already sense what the first request will be, and you will not be getting translations for Federation languages.”
That made every human in the room except Elias tense up. I almost flinched at the accusation, Jones hid her mouth behind her hand and Zhao’s smirk turned into a frown. Only Secretary-General remained unshaken. Isif, in meantime, continued speaking.
“If you prove yourself capable of helping us, and manage to provide as much sustenance as you claim you can... I will consider it. But until then, I will not be accelerating your desire to commit extinction by Federation’s hands.”
“Then, if you need to benefit from us first before putting us at risk, we can only thank you again for your concern, Chief Hunter.” Secretary-General replied. I was surprised at how collected he remained despite the arxur completely seeing through our intentions with this ‘trade deal’. “Trust us, we have no interest in getting annihilated in antimatter fire, but we are willing to work to earn your trust. We will be sending lists of information we desire. I hope that partnership can strengthen the bonds between us further.”
“Indeed. We will review and return to you the amounts of food we will require for it. Show us what you are capable of, humans. Now let’s get this over with. Conversing like that is... tiring.”
Right. Arxur are naturally solitary, according to the databank they gave us. A species of biologically predisposed introverts...
“Farewell, Chief Hunter Isif.” Meier replied curtly, before the screen dimmed and camera light disappeared. Contact was over.
I let out a deep sigh of relief, realizing I’ve been holding it in for a while now. There... was a lot to consider about what just happened. I was told footage would be saved, so we can better analyze the arxur nonverbal cues later.
Elias turned to us and put his hands on the table.
“So, that didn’t go as bad as it could have. Any thoughts?”
General Zhao was first to speak up.
“We’ll need information on Federation tactics and weaponry. We’ll have to prepare a strong l space military regardless of whether they can be talked down, but it’s much easier to convince someone not to kill you when doing so risks their own life.”
“I’m more interested in whether there is any technology that could allow us to send spy drones into Federation space without leaving obvious trail back to us.” General Jones countered. “We might not even need arxur translators if we can decode the language via our own surveillance.”
Elias turned his eyes on me expectantly. I considered everything that happened, things Isif said and ways his presumably-lieutenants reacted to conversation, things we learned from their data bank... And it dawned on me.
“They... see us the same way we have seen them before learning of their horrid acts. First contact with someone who treats you like a person, and first people in the galaxy whom you can see as friends. We sought the stars seeking to not be alone in the universe, and while their ways are repulsive to us... It’s not true the other way. This cooperation to them is much more sentimental than it is to us. They want to be able to trust us and rely on us.”
Elias smiled and nodded at my assessment.
“Thank you for your input, everyone. We have a lot of work ahead of us. Dr. Kuemper, I hope you’re ready for tomorrow’s announcement and your promotion?”
Right. Tomorrow we’re revealing that First Contact has occurred to the public. It took a lot of effort to make it presentable without triggering mass panic, and some details will be omitted. That and I’m receiving a new position in the UN related to handling alien affairs. What a joy...
“As ready as I can be.”
“Then let’s get to it. It won’t be easy, people, but our entire civilization is at stake. We need to get this right, and in a way that won’t have our descendants condemning us.”
Right. Cooperation with arxur, this trade... I didn’t like the idea of it, but I understood. We needed their help. Perhaps through this cooperation, rather than them influencing us, reverse can be made true, unlikely as it may seem. Worst part was failing to secure any translators at all. While I’m sure generals are salivating at idea of cyber-espionage against the Federation, I just wanted to be able to communicate with the rescued child, and make sure we could properly help her recover. Still... We will do our best, even without them.
Date [standardized human time]: July 15, 2136
Second time I woke up; the memories came to me much faster. How I was captured during the raid. How I spent months in cattle pens. How I was used as a meal for mystery predators. How they took me with them. And how I was now in their laboratory, or whatever closest thing predators have in their feral science.
Of course, my first instinct was to try and escape, but I couldn’t. I found myself actively strapped to the bed. I was panicked at first, trying to break through the restraints, but to no effect. So I let my head fall back onto surprisingly soft pillow and lay there... Awaiting my fate. But fate wasn’t coming, and I found myself getting a bit bored. So I raised my head and examined the room.
It seemed different from the room I was in before. Most of the machinery was gone, and the only big machine beside my bed wasn’t actually hooked up to me anymore. There was a large, predator-sized closet in the corner, and two big tables with seats. Of course, there was also bed itself. If not for the fact that I was slated to be butchered on this bed soon, it’d be the most comfortable place I got to lay down on since my capture. As is... It felt like cruel irony. I felt my eyes watering again. Did predators want to taunt me? Give me this sense of near-comfort as one last cruelty?
Subconsciously I tried calling out for mom, but felt my throat burn and ended up coughing instead. I think all the screaming recently wasn’t good for it, and with how dry my mouth was it didn’t help. Looking around I spotted it. A glass of water on a small stand beside the bed! Except it was completely out of reach. I tried shifting my tail under me, to try and extend towards it, but I’d need to have the bed flipped to have the chance at reaching. They probably left it like that intentionally... Letting me feel thirst, see the answer, but not be allowed to take it, all to make me suffer more.
I attempted to shift and wiggle against the restraints some more, when it hit me. It finally hit me that my leg was gone, gone for good. Even if I could somehow miraculously break those restraints... And get out of predator captivity... And make it back home to Venlil Prime... It wouldn’t be the same. I’d never live a normal life. My vision blurred with tears again. Why couldn’t they just end it... Why did... they have to make me suffer more.
Then the door opened and my heartbeat quickened. I realized just what I asked for, and looks like the universe itself wanted to give me that. Through the door stepped a figure... No longer clad in big rubbery suit. They probably realized such deception won’t work on me. But which of predators it was made my blood freeze.
It was the same one again... The dark-colored one that was there in meeting with arxur, and when I first woke up... Why was it always this one showing up over and over? Did all those predators look like that? He was wearing different outfit, maybe it was a different predator? No, it’s too similar, it must just be... assigned to me. My personal warden. Just like the pens had specific wardens assigned to them that were in charge of picking out meals.
This is it then. They must have done everything they wanted to do with me while I was unconscious and now that I was awake to feel it, were ready to finish me off. I closed my eyes, squeezing them tightly shut as the predator approached. I lost count of how many times I was anticipating death recently, but this was it... This must be it, finally, right? Universe can’t be cruel enough to do more to me, can it?
And as I waited for my demise, with held breath I lay. And lay. And waited. Until I realized that by now predator would long be within reach of my throat. I slowly opened my eyes, and blinked a few times to get the tears out. Sight of predator right beside me made me flinch, as it sat down by the bed, looking over me with its hungry, binocular eyes. I could see its mouth, lips quivering in hunger. And yet it did not lunge... Why?! Why can’t they just finish me off already? I felt so exhausted and fatigued by it all...
Predator seemed to lock its horrid eyes with my own eye. The gaze was intense, and I felt frozen. I couldn’t move, not even a muscle, as it just stared at me and I stared back. I felt a tear roll down my face, contributing more to the clump of matted fur, grown stained with so many tears. And that’s when the predator reached its hand for my head. I closed my eyes, recoiling away to the best of my ability. I... I didn’t want it... Please... Why can’t I just wake up back home, why can’t it all just be a nightmare...
I was prepared for its claw to grasp my face, to twist my neck, to scratch at me... But the only thing I felt was a small caress right under my eye, where the tear ran, wiping it off and rubbing at clumped fur, getting bits of dirt out in process. And then it was over. There was no attack. It was just more prolonging of the inevitable. It was so... tiring. I opened my eyes again, to look back at the predator. Really look back in those cruel eyes, to try and understand why the universe would have such evilness exist at all. The binocular gaze was horrible, but no amount of my instinct telling me to flee could help when I had neither the limbs nor freedom to move. So I just looked back. Into those small eyes when they suddenly blinked. And what could only be a tear rolled down the predator’s face. This made me mentally recoil.
How? Did a predator just shed a tear? But that’s... impossible. Only creatures with empathy can cry. That’s the textbook prerequisite for crying! You need to feel things to cry! Predators don’t have that! Arxur don’t have that. We learn that since before school. One of first things parents teach their kids is always the dangers of predators. But this is... Maybe it’s something in the room? Some noxious agent irritating its eyes? Then why can’t I feel it? Is it simply copying me? But why would it do that? Can you even copy something you can’t understand, like feelings? I didn’t understand. Maybe their biology was way more alien? Their skin was naked and had no fur or scales or feathers, maybe their tears are different too? I tried to find any explanation at all, any possible answer to questions swirling in my mind, but nothing made sense. It’s like this one little tear shattered everything I knew about predators. Maybe... They were different somehow? No! That can’t be it. If they were, they wouldn’t... They wouldn’t have been ones to take part in eating me! They wouldn’t deal with arxur! It’s a trick... it must be... But tears are a sign of empathy...
“W-Why...”, I asked in my confusion. My voice came out as ragged and hoarse and I was reminded of how dry my insides felt. I glanced over to the glass at the bedside, still out of reach and now with a predator near it... I stood no chance at reaching it.
Then suddenly, the predator looked over at it as well, and picked it up. I was almost about to cry at the idea that it would drink it in front of me, taunting my thirst further. But it didn’t even bring the glass close to its horrid mouth, instead moving it towards my face. Naturally, I tried pulling back from predator reach, but still restrained, I couldn’t move much. And once the glass was in front of me, predator just tilted it and... left it hovering there.
Was it... offering me a drink? Does that mean the water is poisoned? Why else would it give me some? I didn’t open my mouth, but the predator kept hovering the glass in front of me... Clear liquid inside swishing a bit with unevenness of the movements. Tantalizing... My throat felt drier just looking at it. In the end, base instinct prevailed over reason-based self-preservation. Even if it is poisoned... I was as good as dead in this den of predators, this won’t matter, and at least I’ll die not feeling as dry as a piece of old tree bark. So I let my mouth open and I raised my head as much as I could within the restraints, putting the glass’s rim into my mouth.
That first sip was probably the most heavenly water I’ve ever tasted. It was just normal water, of course, but with how dry I felt, I couldn’t get enough as I started quickly gulping it down. The predator actually helped, tilting the glass, keeping up with how quickly I emptied it. Every gulp was a relief... It was no stale water of arxur pens. It was actually fresh water! But as quickly as it started, the happiness ended, glass fully tilted and empty. I smack my mouth, gathering little bits of moisture gathered on it with my tongue, while the predator moves the glass back onto the counter.
Well, if that had poison in it, I didn’t taste any. And if it was somehow tasteless... It was worth it. I still couldn’t wrap my mind around the predator and its actions, so instead I did my best to just ignore it as I savored the feeling of hydration. If I somehow live through this, unlikely though it may be, I will never scorn water again. Though I will probably still prefer some good juice over it...
The predator started moving again, removing the blanket-like sheet that was covering most of my body and reaching to where my restraints connected to the bed itself. It locked its eyes with me again, and this time it at least didn’t cry, but it did start to growl something. It was quiet and subdued, and of course I couldn’t understand any of it, but it didn’t lunge or reach for me directly and didn’t seem any different from earlier. Was it trying to say something?
Then I heard a small click. The light pressure I felt on my arms and chest from the restraints relaxed. Then the predator just tossed the restraint over me, revealing that they released me. I tested it by raising my arms slightly. Why...? Did they plan on taking me somewhere? I could try running but the feeling of lightness, of hollow emptiness where my leg used to be reminded me of how fruitless the endeavor would be, so I just kept laying in bed. The predator’s mouth curved in some wicked expression before they growled out some more of their crude words and got up.
They moved towards the exit, turning around to give me one last creepy staredown before stepping out of the room. And, unsurprisingly, I heard a soft click from the door itself. Right. I was just free to explore my new pen. But even with the freedom granted, I couldn’t bring myself to get out of bed. The shock of learning that a predator just shed a tear and fed me water was still too much. What is even happening?
It’s all so confusing. I grabbed the blanket and pulled it over my head, hiding in the dark. I tried to desperately convince myself to not get my hopes up, to remember what those predators did to me... But somewhere I felt like maybe things here will at least be better than they were in arxur pens. At least there’s that to comfort me. That’s right, they probably just... don’t want me to die yet because they haven’t finished experimenting on me... And the tears were just... I don’t know. It makes no sense! It’s stupid!
I let out a breath and snuggled tighter into the blanket. As long as it was dark and quiet like this, I could at least pretend that I was back home... That everything makes sense... That I am just fine... That I'll be okay...