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Hi guys, here is what I'd change if I were going to improve Helldivers 2, specifically with weapon balance changes. This'll be a long post and I can only balance what I have access to so the following weapons may only receive passing mention or observation.
Arc-12 Blitzer (Weak)
Eruptor (Gutted Completely)
CB-9 Exploding Crossbow (Seen in use once, player hated it)
GP-31 Grenade Pistol (No Observation)
Plas-101 Purifier (No Observation)
P-113 Verdict (No Observation)
Obviously, these are my opinions but I'd love to hear what other people think if I have over buffed or nerfed. I may do the Stratagems not listed here as well as go over the armours if people like this, no TLDR, sorry.
BALANCING:
PRIMARIES:
AR-23 Liberator: My favourite weapon that I feel is mostly in a good place. I would up the damage slightly.
Damage: 60 70
AR-23C Liberator Concussive: I rarely see this weapon used, the concussive effect is more annoying than useful, the slow rate of fire and high recoil sucks and it doesn't deal enough damage. If weapon customization isn't coming, I would personally give this a grenade launcher attachment that fires some form of stun grenade. Another option is to have the rounds effect enemies around the target in a small radius.
Damage: 65 75
Recoil: 28 22
Fire Rate: 320 480
AR-23P Liberator Penetrator: I'm unsure why damage seems reduced so much when a weapon is given medium armour penetration. It removes any effectiveness vs. lower tier enemies and still only tickles medium armour enemies. Make it over-penetrate smaller enemies and hit targets behind them.
Damage: 45 60
AR-61 Tenderiser: Needs more stopping power as per description.
Damage: 60 75
BR-14 Adjudicator: I actually think this rifle is in a really good place.
R-63 Diligence: The two Marksman Rifles don't offer enough in general. They need high damage and higher weak-point damage. I suggest that this weapon also be 'suppressed' in some way, alerting enemies less than it's counter-part.
Damage: 125 135
Weak-point Damage: +30%
R-63CS Diligence Counter Sniper: Same as above but it should have a louder profile and over-penetrate smaller enemies.
Damage: 140 150
Weak-Point Damage +35%
MP-98 Knight: A weapon I love to use, hindered by it's capacity.
Damage: 50 45
Capacity: 50 90
Movement Buff: 5%
SMG-37 Defender: In many ways superior to the current Liberator, with the buffs to the Liberator, I would simply give this weapon a player movement buff as above.
Movement Buff: 5%
SMG-72 Pummeller: Extremely good weapon, although not my personal favourite, I would also give this the movement buff.
Movement Buff: 5%
SG-8 Punisher: I find this weapon is in a pretty good place. It should damage limbs more effectively.
SG-8S Slugger: When compared to the Punisher, this shotgun is seriously lacking. The damage is too little, the medium armour pen doesn't feel there at all. It needs to blow holes in big things and over-penetrate small things. Needs a higher body weak-point damage (Hulk Face/SpeweChargeTitan butts).
Damage: 250 400
Weak-point: 30%
SG-225 Breaker: Needs it's capacity increased.
Capacity: 13 20
SG-225IE Breaker Incendiary: Pretty well used in most games I play, I think it's in a good enough place currently.
SG-225SP Breaker Spray&Pray: This weapon is so bad it hurts. It struggles to kill even the bottom tier enemies with one shot and anything bigger than a warrior takes practically a full magazine. it's a spray and pray and as such, should reflect that.
Damage: 192 280
Recoil: 45 70
Fire Rate: 330 500
Jar-5 Dominator: Generally I think this weapon is in a good spot, I'd maybe increase the damage slightly and give it over-penetration on smaller enemies.
Damage: 275 280
SG-8P Punisher Plasma: This is an odd weapon that feels pretty flaccid when shooting. I would assume plasma would melt armoured points but it doesn't seem to do that very well either.
Damage: 250 300
Weak-point damage: 30%
Melts armoured parts of enemies.
Las-5 Scythe: I actually really enjoy this weapon and feel it needs to simply do a bit more damage to limbs.
Las-16 Sickle: Also in a really good spot.
Plas-1 Scorcher: I would have this also melt weak points on enemies after a few shots, otherwise feels fine generally. I do think that when compared to the dominator, this is practically a down grade every time so it needs something the dominator can't do like melting carapaces etc.
SECONDARIES:
P-4 Senator: Great place now it has the speed-loader. I would let it over-penetrate smaller enemies.
P-2 Peacemaker: I would increase the damage slightly as the P-4 and P-19 always feel like superior options. Damage: 75 85
P-19 Redeemer: Great weapon, no adjustments.
Las-7 Dagger: Like the Scythe, this pistol needs to deal increased limb damage but is otherwise fine in my opinion.
GRENADES:
Impact grenades need to be less strong than their timed variants. Timed grenades are rarely seen in any of the games I play, similarly Smoke, Stun and Thermite are never used.
G-3 Smoke: It's obscuring effect needs to have some effect where enemies suppress, pause, and then search, completely losing the players position unless spotted or fired upon. Currently, they have absolutely no use other grenades can't compensate for.
G-6: Frag: The radius of the fragmentation needs to be higher and the damage slightly upped, dropping off over the larger radius. It also needs to suppress enemies more who are hit.
Damage: 300 dropping down to 200 on the Outer Radius.
Outer Radius: 8 -- > 12
G-10 Incendiary: Also needs a larger radius than it's impact counter-part, I think damage is fine.
Outer Radius: 7 9
G-12 High Explosive: Again needs a larger radius than it's impact counter-part, I also think the damage could be increased due to it's larger size and perhaps a slightly higher penetration.
Damage: 400 450
Penetration: 4 5
Outer Radius: 7 8
G-13 Incendiary Impact: I feel that due to their size and nature, impact should have a smaller radius and lower damage in some cases, fire is fire so this doesn't need a lower damage. If the other incendiary is buffed, this grenade needs no changes.
G-16 Impact: Needs a slight reduction in outer radius, otherwise fine. As above, if the timed grenade is buffed, I think this would be fine.
G-23 Stun: I actually think this grenade is fine. I think this is down to the player base and people preferring to blow stuff up than stun it.
G-123 Thermite: I think this grenade needs to activate slightly quicker. I feel that when attached to an enemy, the enemy should also lose track of the player and potentially attack whatever is closest in a sense of panic or confusion. If the idea is this grenade exposes parts, it's not doing enough and if the idea is it kills heavily armoured enemies, it's also not doing enough.
SUPPORT WEAPONS:
Obviously there are no stats on these weapons however I'd like to make some suggestions on some of them, the below weapons are in a good place.
AC-8 Autocannon
RL-77 Airburst Rocket Launcher
EAT-17
GL-21 Grenade Launcher
MG-43
LAS-99 Quasar Cannon
The following need buffs or changes.
M-105 Stalwart: It feels like this should be a primary. Other than that, it's fine.
FLAM-40 Flamethrower: I would like this to drop with a backpack option so you can either chose to roll with the smaller ammo, or the larger ammo count. The tank should let you should further and for longer at the cost of potentially exploding if shot.
MG-206 Heavy Machine Gun: I'd also like to see this with a backpack ammunition option, making it belt-fed. It should also have over-penetration on smaller enemies and rip chunks off the big boys.
FAF-14 Spear: Do I need to say anything? Lock-on issues aside, it needs to one shot basically everything. I'd also like it to be able to tag player marks including smaller enemies and the environment and I'd like a 'hold-R' option to switch the missiles to airburst or standard.
GR-8 Recoilless Rifle: As above, I would like this to have a fire-option to shoot HE/Flak or AP.
APW-1 Anti-Material Rifle: Needs over-penetration on small enemies.
RS-422 Railgun: With other stratagems being buffed, there is no reason that this can't be reverted with a slightly lowered capacity from 20 12
LAS-98 Laser Cannon: Needs to melt carapace and armour to expose them to weak-points and needs higher limb damage but is otherwise fine.
ARC-3 Arc Thrower: It needs a higher damage and a stun effect on enemies hit. Enemies dying could cause a miniature EMS cloud effect in a small radius.
Edit: Formatting

So, as the title says this is a post on the review and guide to VARC1000 course by Gejo Sir (the VARC God for me I'll say) 🤌🏻 First, I would like to add 2 important notes :)
Note 1 : I went through this year's VARC1000 course and it's very different from last year's course but I'll try to give you a review of it 🫠
Note 2 : You'll find many people suggesting and saying that "pirated content le le" and stuff. But I won't really suggest that. VARC1000 course is more than what the pirated content will offer. It's not just about VARC okay? It will help you with DILR and QA too (Last year Gejo sir had made videos on how he himself solved DILR and gives really amazing tips and tricks). There will be content/materials for GDPI prepration, profile analyser (which I didn't really find helpful tbh), calls predictor (which again turned out to be not so true in my case but for others it was helpful), daily vocab, GK section, WAT topics, your acads specific questions generally asked during PIs etc etc. All this you won't get in the pirated stuff. You'll just get the videos of his lecs that's it. Course hi lena bhai if possible 🙂
👉🏻 Coming to the course's details : This time they have divided the course into 4 sections Launch Phase, Enhance Phase, Advanced Phase and Peak Phase. And each phase (from Enhance Phase) will be launched in specific months from June onwards. As of now the Launch Phase is active 👀
Coming to the description of the phases : As per my understanding it's perfectly summed up to take you from the very basic (launch phase) to the advanced level (peak phase) 🔥
Focus more on the Core Lessons which Gejo Sir will teach you. He'll just tell you the methods and tricks in these videos ig (that's what happened in the last course) and then maybe he'll teach you to apply them. He'll take a particular RC and solve it. Focus on how he deals with all this okay? Obv take the learnings and develop your own strategy/method (you can copy him but we all can't be like him) 😂
He'll throw some tests before the start of the video.. apply your brains there and see how you do. Then he'll also come up with the strategy lessons (very important) wherein he'll tell you about how to approach the VARC section in those 40 mins and what approach you should have. The core lessons, application lessons and strategy lessons were launched together last year in the course and were really helpful! Till now all the is for RC btw. For VA the material won't be much different but he'll teach you specially about how to deal with the VA too!
Then comes the Daily Article Dose! Do it! Roz karo! It's really good. He'll upload the solutions for it. For every article dose he'll do that and solve it for you. Also, throughout this course you'll find a diverse range of RCs! Humanities, Philosophy, Natural Sciences, Arts etc etc. Everything. And I hope that like last year, this year also he'll make seperate videos for every genre! It's really helpful in that sense! 🍻😌
Coming to the tests! He'll give you a lot of sectional tests (minimum 10 sectional tests) and previous year ke course ke bhi kuch tests alagse (this happened in the last year's course). So you need not worry about the sectionals. You'll get a satisfactory number of those. He'll also solve some sectionals for you. You'll be able to see how he solves the VARC section (trust me you'll be amazed seeing his way of solving). You'll also get Daily Drills where you'll have small tests or say 1-2 RCs and a few VA questions etc. this will also be there. Also, you'll get PY CAT papers as mocks and also as sectional tests separately! So that's also a done deal!! 🍻✨
Don't miss Gejo sir's live sessions! He'll have 1-2 every month ig. And those will be really helpful. It's an interactive session so you can ask your doubts there. He's a very funny guy so you won't be bored. He'll also give you some videos (hopefully) on how to approach DILR! He's a genius in DILR also (atleast for me) 💥
Then comes the Telegram Group of VARC1000 where Gejo sir will also be there! It's a very interactive group and very much helpful. A really nice place to be in I'll say as you'll find serious aspirants mostly.
I hope that I was able to include most of the important things of this course and if needed I'll update this post in the future! :')
Overall I'll say that this course is worth it? It'll definitely improve your VARC skills and understanding if you follow it religiously. As I have said... This course is not just about VARC but there are many many things in it and it'll turn out to be helpful overall! 🩵 Do share this review with your friends and other aspirants! 😼
All the best with your prep! If you have anything to add about the course or your opinions then feel free to drop it in the comments! ;')
Ps. Don't message me for my VARC1000 discount code! It's already used.

Hello I am a 35 years woman who have had quite a lot of experiences so far. I was someone( around my 20s) who used to be quite straightforward blunt and did things without giving much thoughts/impulsive. At that time i didnot want to live my life without regrets in later stage of my life ( ironically i am now)
1st relationship -20years I broke up with a guy because i started to have feelings for another guy who ended up being quite toxic for me. So instead at that time of pausing and reflecting on this whether i am right or wrong, i decided to be honest with people around me and i broke up with the person and went with the toxic person.
2nd relationship 25 years Later we broke up with that toxic person ( he cheated and hurt me a lot) and was with another person at the age of 25. We dated three years until i moved to another country again from my impulsive nature. We really tried long distance but later realised that he didnot want to come join me and vice versa. I believe we loved each other but neither of us wanted to do the country shift ( him immigrating and me going back to my country). Other than that he was a perfect guy who was willing to give me everything if i moved back and we get married. Those 3 years were hard and i decided to end things as we were kind of dragging each other into you come back - no you come join me etc. Soon after I met my now husband.
3rd relationship- wedding 31 years He is a rather good guy and I do love him. I am also someone who tries to be more paused now especially with people’s feelings. I often find myself overthinking and having regrets like what if i had went back home ( this happens whenever my husband does something wrong- as everyone- he has his flaws ). I also overthinks at how i did mistakes when i was young and made wrong choices and i kind of feel unclean/bad person. We are both together because we have our fair share of baggage but it seems i can no longer carry mine and thus his baggage sometimes also burdens me.
On top of my relationships i also had a lot of friends in my 20s. I currently have only 3-4 good friends. I feel that I have hurt some of my friends along the way thats why the friendship faded away ( e.g not telling them i moved to another country) but also due to toxic friendship ( e.g unfriending/blocking a friend who i heard spoke behind my back , was rude to me, flirting with me- there was a boy who was flirting with me despite having his girlfriend. At the end of the day they got married and i was the one who was put in a bad light. ( i was single at that time and he was simply double timing us so i told his girlfriend the truth when i came to know that this guy is not a good person but ended up being the bad person so i blocked everyone who was connected to this situation not to think of it anymore - i was more in a state of okay i will close the doors to people who are unkind to me mainly as a defense mechanism i would say)
I am completely lost in my mind right now and want to know if i am having a mid life crisis or i am simply overthinking? I am having lots of flashbacks of my past love/friends relationships ( regrets anxiety bad good less friends did i do right/wrong) which i know is not healthy for myself. How should i move on? Also the fact that i am away from my parents/ family ( another country) is not helping me.
Sorry for the long message but i needed to take all of it out of my head. :(

We have been together for about More than 10 months Now. He was Not only ny best friend but also the only freind I had Here (Not to mention The environment I am In now Is toxic and he had helped me A lot during this time) . Somehow I decided to take a risk and confessed to him To which Miraculously He Reciprocated. Things Seemed Pretty good at First All Roses I don't know How it all came to this Now. As Friends We really Clicked But since we've been in a relationship Things Have been pretty much rough. We have a Lot of communication issue He doesn't really show much or expresses .
Fast forward, We Just had our results Out In which He Scored Pretty decent But Was Upset As He had Targeted Higher and Has Been working Hard for it.On the day of results I Texted him about it He replied To that at night Then I asked him Abhout His results To which he Asked me to tell first i told him My score(Which is A Pretty decent scored i had expected Even worse so i was satisfied) Then He didn't replied and just said Bye i then asked him again he just said Not so good And that he wouldn't come online much n didn't reply after that (Not to mention He Is Sometimes Overambitious (if it's the correct word),And His parents Are Very fixated on His marks) I tried to comfort him told he's not a failure no matter I'm proud of him he has so many other good qualitues ...gave a pretty long explanation to which he just reacted with a emoji. I Told him that I'm always there flr him If anything and He shouldn't isolate Himself He can always reach out to me. Then after a Day He replied that i was right And we talked normally Then again from the other day onwards He didn't Replied again I waited for His reply For about 3 days no response (I thought maybe He needed Some space So I waited but then I got worried About him and Texted him Again A "hii" and asked If he's okay To which he just Replied with a heyy. After a while Then I asked him "How are You" "are u ok" To which he replied after a Day At Night And Told me About smthng Off topic and Not answering what I asked then Just told sorry for past 3-4 days But didn't Told why he was being like that .I saw His msg at evening and then again asked him " Is everything ok what had happened " To which It's been More than a day and he hasn't replied
Not to forget We Had a Fixed time of us to talk at night everyday. I wait for him everyday to reply but he's Not replying and I Am Moving out to different city this week Which He Knows I had told him About Me moving out pretty soon But since we haven't been talking in a while He doesn't know I'll move out this week I just wanted to meet him for last time idk but he's being like this ,feels like he doesn't care wh. I hav no clue What is Going to happen To Us or what should I do rn If he keeps Ghosting me like this .Should I Texxt him telling I'm moving out or not (cause idk wheter he even cares) but this all thing Is affecting Me. It's going to be about a week That he's ghosting me Idk What's he gonna do after high school whether he is going to move out too r stay In same city I have no clue about him . I miss Him but What should be the right thing for me to do? Should I just give up?(Honestly I can't I needed a Clear Cut End or else I would just stay Hanging at the cliff Never knowing what had happened why he's ghosting me) I have Exams and I am not able to Focus on anything or concentrate This has even taken a toll on my health. And I can't even call Him Cause His family is Strict we only talk On text.
P.S- just about a Month Before We weren't Doing Much Good So my friends Without my knowledge Catfished him With a fake account of another girl And Flirted with Him and Yess He Happily flirted Back all this was Going on And I had No clue Until They came and told me about this I was Really Hurted I Read The chats He even Claimed To be single I Really trusted Him And This really hurted Me I told my friends To stop The chat They clearly told me To leave him. But I Still I wanted to confront Him and Ask him why he even Did This He could have just Broken up with me instead of Going on to cheat on my back Cause This Hurts even more And To which he Told that He didn't Knew About all this and That It was His friend Who Talked Through his account (and yes He had told me about this earlier that his friends do have his account) (The Texting style matched which is Drastically similar to my boyfriends and He even shared a Same Puppy picture which I had sent him once) i couldn't Trust him again wholly Like before But he started crying N Told me this wasn't him and to just Give him another chance and That Everything now Will seem against him but just give him some time and he will never do anything to hurt me like this again .. I had made up my mind on breaking up with him But At that moment I gave in to him and Gave him another chance And Now This has come to this
It's ruining up my mental health Now .it's just one thing There are so many other things.. Sometimes I just think The person I knew before once My best friend I don't recognize him now .. Ok I have written too much maybe I just needed To Let it out somewhere And If you've reached upto here then I really thank you for reading My Rant upto here thank you a lot and I really appreciate Your Patience and please Do share ur opinion although I don't expect anyone reaching upto here but yeah. Thank you❤

Okay, I know this is gonna attract some hate, but bear with me.
First off, I want to say: Hades 1 is one of my favourite games ever. I have just under 1000 hours on it, I've done everything, and while I'm not as good as some players, I'm running 30 heat consistently without losing.
I'm also a professional games designer, and while that doesn't make my opinions valid, I think I have an okay idea of general design principles.
So I've been playing Hades 2, and so far I'm not really loving it. Obviously this is still the Alpha, and theres a lot of stuff that needs to be changed before the proper release - some stuff is minor, like boon balancing, some stuff I just find baffling as a design decision (Eris "blessing"), and some stuff I appreciate might just mean the game isn't aimed at me - and thats fine.
But the major issue I have is this - the game is slow. Painfully. It seems like one of the aims of the design team was to make the game a bit less "twitchy", which is fine if thats what you want. But theres a mechanic which is compounding this and making combat honestly tedious for me.
Magick regen.
Okay, for me to explain this properly, you need to understand a big issue that hades has - that is, that melee combat kinda sucks. I want to quote Dacookieman from this subreddit, discussing Polyphemus: "Yeah it's just impossible to capitalize on openings as melee because of how all of his attacks work. If you try to play slow then mobs build up and because the hitboxes from cyclops are often overlapping the enemies they also have the same issue of not being able to capatalize on openings without taking damage. It's not quite as bad w the mobs but together it makes melee builds very brutal."
Dacookieman hits the nail on the head precisely here. Last night, I ran a build where I fought Polyphemus with the axe and zero magick regen 5 times, and consistently got wrecked. On the 6th time I was lucky enough to actually get a magick regen boon, and I destroyed him without taking a single hit.
This is obviously a HUGE difference. So why is the magick regen so important here? Because I can just stay the hell away from him.
Polyphemus, as mentioned above, is absolutely horrible against melee because of his attack pattern and wonky hitboxes. On the other hand, if you stay away from him? He can't do squat. He's like a tortoise with a chainsaw strapped to the back - dangerous yes, but easily defeatable by just moving away.
Polyphemus is far from the only boss with this issue. Almost all bosses have this problem to some degree (except Eris and Charybdis, possibly). Chronos 1st phase is especially bad. For these bosses, the consistent theme is "if you stay far enough away we cant actually hit you".
So this means that the best strategy is - time and time again - stay at range. And that means, ideally, you want to get some magick regen and a decent ranged cast. Then you just sit back, launch your omega casts over and over, and slowly destroy your opponents. And they can't really do anything to stop you.
Of course, the omega casts will cost magick, so the answer to this is to get some sortof magick regen - ideally Demeter, Apollo, Zeus or Hestia. And magick regen takes time, so this means your gameplay pattern looks like: Cast - run away - wait/regen magick - approach - repeat.
Its a horrible gameplay mechanic. It reminds me of FPS games in the 2000s where regenerating health was a thing and the "best" tactic was, after clearing a room, to just afk for 5 minutes while you got your health back.
And, because I know theres a bunch of people who insist on posting this, no, I do not need to "git gud". Being good or bad is irrelevant to negative design patterns.
There's also a ton of grind in this game (which, seperately, I'm not a massive fan of), but I want to add in here that I shouldnt be required to grind unlocks to be allowed to have fun. I genuinely enjoy doing Hades 1 fresh file runs - theyre hard, but I never feel like I'm unfairly punished. Hades 2 seem to have this attitude of "well, you're only allowed to have fun once you've put in ~20 hours and started unlocking the necessary upgrades".
When you design, you need to reward players for the patterns you want to see in the game. Doom "fixed" the health problem by allowing "Glory kills", ENCOURAGING the player to get knee deep in demons - the best gameplay choice was to play the game in the way the developers intended. At the moment, in Hades 2, the best gameplay choice is avoiding combat as much as possible and only jumping in briefly to throw out a spell.
This is also not helped by many of the areas being considerably larger, meaning that you have much more space to run away to.
Hades 1 didnt have magick, but it did have a god gauge. The god gauge powers up by damaging enemies - the gameplay loop you want to encourage. (also taking damage, but thats still promoting engaging enemies)
As the quote goes, "given the opportunity, players will optimize the fun out of a game". The optimal way to play Hades 2 is also the least fun way. Maybe you dont want to play optimally, thats fine. And maybe you think the game is fine the way it is - if you enjoy it, power to you. But for me, coming from the high intensity action of Hades 1 into this feels like I've been wading through honey. Sure its sweet, but its slow - and ultimately exhausting.

TL;DR I (14F) don't know what to do about my friend/classmate (15M) who has love-hate (this is kind of an exaggeration) feelings for me.
We're in the same class and graduating 8th grade in less than a month and I'm asking for help because I don't want to be the villain in his life. I'm always stressed about hurting people and I only ever tried to be kind and honest, but I was stupid and I messed up this time. I don't want him to remember me as the exact thing I am not. I hate conflict and being mean. I would rather compromise than hurt somebody's feelings, but now I am just at loss.
We started talking more in October and then got pretty close in November and December. We'll call him D. We went out mid December at the mall to buy a book for school and I ended up buying Christmas presents. He helped me pick stuff for all of my friends and then we ate. It was very much a date-like hangout and we even walked arm in arm to the bus stop at the mall. He also walked me from the bus stop to my front door.
Fast forward to a day before our school's Christmas event. I told my friends that I kind of liked him and they convinced me to tell him. I told him and we texted some more at home then we agreed to talk the next day after the event. That evening I thought about it all and I realized that I wasn't ready for a relationship. I am 14 after all and I have the most important exam of my life so far at the end of the school year (this is just the schooling system in my country). The next day I avoided him and then at home I explained everything through text because I was too anxious to do it face-to-face. I was a wimp and I wish I had the guts to actually talk to him. I apologized countless times. I felt horrible and I can't even imagine how it was for him. I still kinda hate myself for it, but at the time I believed it was for the best.
I thought about the whole ordeal and it made me realize I might have attachment issues. I'm so obsessed with being loved (I grew up very lonely) that I feel a certain level of romantic attraction towards anyone who gives me a little more attention (especially men which I know is terrible). I also don't mean this as an excuse, but rather as an explanation to why I acted the way I did. I liked how D made me feel about myself, not actually him (this is horrible, I know). After I explained everything I felt he was cool about it and I actually thought that maybe things were okay. I told him i wasn't going out until after New Year's because I was very busy with family (I wasn't avoiding him purposely I was actually busy) yet for about a week straight he asked me 2 times every day where I was which was kinda weird and made me not want to go out at all even after New Year's.
Fast forward to this March when a common acquaintance of ours (not in our class) talked to D because he'd heard from a friend of his that D still liked me. D told this acquaintance that he does indeed still like me, that I look good and that he likes my big breasts (he said this in a much less respectful way). I was shocked because I couldn't fathom D still liking me after I'd been a total witch to him. We'd been ignoring each other mostly ever since December and even though we agreed to stay friends and I was very confused.
A few days later I was talking to a good friend of mine, D's deskmate, and mentioned the acquaintance who told me D still liked me. I just repeated something funny he said. I didn't say anything about D because he was right there, but D got mad (he probably found out I knew stuff) and broke a pencil. I'd seen that he had problems with anger and jealousy (he used to read my texts to my online friend on the other side of the world who is also a guy and got upset when I'd say they're personal and we weren't even together), but I didn't think it was that bad.
My friend (we'll call her R) told me she found out from another friend in our group that I was driving D crazy with telling his deskmate (a very close friend of mine) about stuff like weird fanfiction about my favourite singer (Gerard Way) and my variety of dirty jokes. From what R understood, he didn't like me speaking about sexual stuff (I haven't done anything like that, it's just an interesting topic to me) around him. I didn't understand why it would bother him, but apparently it did. Maybe jealousy? I don't know.
Nothing much happened until this Saturday when our whole class was taking album photos. The basic and typically "popular" girl in our class invited my group (the 7 emo girls basically) alongside her group (her another 3 people) to the new Japanese restaurant in town. We get along fine with them, though they kinda gossip about us sometimes, so we gladly agreed to eat with them. A girl in our group (whom D liked last year; she was much harsher in rejecting him - she blocked him on all platforms) is a tad bit closer to the popular girl, so the two of them made the reservation for 11 people at the restaurant.
During the shoot, D and another classmate that we're not very close friends with (they're chill, we just don't talk all that much) overheard our sushi plans and asked me if we were going. I said yes and tried to kindly say that we have a reservation already for 11 people and that they can tag along, but sit at another table. I felt bad because I've been excluded countless times in social situations in my life and I didn't want them to feel that. Their parents who were also there questioned me and I was too ashamed to lie, so I said that yes, we had a reservation. D and the other person didn't come in the end.
That evening I texted D apologizing and explaining that I was just invited and that I wasn't the one making the reservation. He said that it's okay and not my fault and he said that the other person was also not mad at me. He asked me why i was so obsessed with apologizing and I made a sharp remark I didn't think through about being annoyed at my friends' insensitivity about excluding them. He asked me why I was telling him all that and I told him to forget it. He encouraged me to continue and just speak my mind. I said no and told him I only had a question. I asked "do you still like me?" and I proceeded to explain why that would be impossible. He said I was changing the subject and I didn't realize that he was the one doing it in reality. He told me again to just speak and that nobody else will know whatever I tell him. I refused, but he somehow convinced me and I made a small confession about being lonely and feeling like only 3 people truly like me. It wasn't as personal as it may seem because I have much deeper feelings I have never told anyone, but I was still shocked that he somehow made me spit out things it takes a lot of hard work to get me to say as I am a very introverted and closed off person. For some context I was literally shaking and hyperventilating from anxiety throughout the whole conversation. I asked him again if he still liked me and he responded in the morning, completely ignoring the question and asking about a math test we recently took.
Yesterday evening, on Sunday, I talked to another classmate and friend (again not very close, but he's nice) whom I'll call L. L told me D had sent the group chat with the other person who I apologized to for the sushi thing, L and another classmate (I presume) screenshots of our whole conversation (even though he promised he'd keep his mouth shut). L sent me a screenshot of D saying I played him before and after I rejected him and said I manipulated him and only pretended to be interested in the things he liked just to get close to him (for the record, I'm a big listener, I love hearing my friends talk about their passions and interests). He also said he hated me. I was shocked and very upset because while telling me everything is alright and that the mess in my mind will get better, he was talking nonsense about me to others and sharing private information.
I told my friends about all of this. R said it's all my fault and that I did give him false hopes even after I rejected him and that I give him too much importance. She basically said I'm a bad person because I told D I wasn't ready to date anybody after saying I liked him. She probably believes I did it for kicks, just like D thinks, but I swear on everything I have that I'm just very dumb and I have no idea how to navigate human relations. I'm a massive people pleaser and it shows. Two friends said that it is what it is and another four said that it is totally not my fault and that I did not give him false hopes after I rejected him and that I barely even acknowledged him during that time (I also think so, but R said I kept flirting with him - I ignored him completely and he ignored me just the same so I am very confused as to what she deems "flirting"). They said I communicated clearly that it's not him, but rather a personal issue and that I am very sorry and I will respect his decision if he doesn't want us to talk or be friends at all anymore. I am in a dilemma.
I feel like a bad bad bad person for what I did and how I acted and I have no idea if R is right and that I did keep giving him false hopes or if all of my other friends are right and it's not my fault. I never thought that my behavior (existing in his perimeter) would be considered as flirting, but apparently R thinks otherwise. In R's opinion sending him two TikToks in 3 months and talking to him 3 maybe 4 times through text and another two face-to-face from December to now was too much attention.
So, am I a horrible person who deserves unhappiness or is D just overreacting and being manipulative and toxic? Please help this is really messing with my mind.

In my area I work at a decent restaurant. At this time many of the other chains are shutting down but not in my area. When I first started working I had four days a week which was okay for me bc of how much I made a night. About two weeks later i started only getting three days. I noticed the manager that hired me and also the one who makes the schedule started acting indifferent with me. I’m a hard worker, I have plenty of experience so my work is top tier. I’m very easy to work with a true team player. I just don’t like injustice which I noticed suddenly happening to me. One day during my first time double shift the manager exploded on me and told me to go home bc I sat down for like one minute. Mind you everyone else does plus they smoke I don’t , my side work was done and other task I didn’t understand the problem which was I wasn’t doing my job. Come to find out it was my colleagues that insisted I go home. The managers listened which lets me know who run the show. I kinda stood up for myself and cried a bit due to frustration. We spoke to the GM and he basically asked her to get her attitude together and for me to help more which I already did smh but now she “seems” okay but gives me less days this week I have two!!! The girl I believe got me sent home said I was “bitching” the other day and just speaks to anyone any kind of way, I’ve been there for about a month and a half and I really hope I can find another waitress gig bc the money is good and I don’t want to take a pay cut. We have nice restaurants in my area but I believe due to certain reasons it may be hard to get into one I literally called to check on an application Sunday and they suppose to call but haven’t yet……….

I suspect my sister is narcissistic with enabling parents. I was considering going no-contact with my family minus a brother I’m close to 3 years ago and was almost out until my father died in a freak accident and I got roped back in. My sister has spent the last 30 years making my life a living hell and my parents never stuck up for me or protected me from her. My mother, now alone, is terrified of her. We had a shitty childhood and all have different survival tactics, but after going to therapy for four years now, I’ve gotten away from those and surround myself with happy, healthy, amazing, supportive people. In regard to family, I keep my distance when I can (living 3.5 hours away helps), but often am the one everyone turns to when shit goes sideways to fix everything, calm people down, figure out what to do next. I’m tired of it, especially now realizing no one does the same for me.
I recently got married and had a 40 person head count, with 38 yeses. After a bunch of random crap, 13 of my 20 invitees flaked 3 days to 2 hours before the party, all of which were very, very close family members including a brother and two of my BILs. Had I known this, with ample timing, I would have invited more friends who WOULD have shown, but due to family taking up so much of the headcount, I couldn’t extend invites to them all. I vented to my mother who said at least I have my sister coming, who I said was only invited since the others were and she has never been nice to me or my husband - which my mother agreed with and said was a self-centered survival thing. I said she should learn a little kindness which would get her far. She despises my husband, who is genuinely as nice as can be, even to a fault. Doesn’t have a bad bone in his body, god bless him. But he supports me and loves me and we do well off each other and thrive, which she doesn’t like. Other siblings have commented on the fact she treats him so poorly when he is nothing but so kind to her.
Come party, 2 hours in and she’s nowhere to be seen. We’re waiting around to cut cakes since her household consisted of 5 people and we didn’t want to have people randomly walk in on it and ruin the photographs, miss the momentous moment, etc. My brother gets in touch with her and relays the message that I’m a monster, I’m childish and horrible and never welcome her to anything and I’m irrelevant and no one likes me which is why everyone bailed on me and I should be embarrassed. The only person I said those things to was my mother (who couldn’t come to party due to health reasons). I spent a majority of my wedding party crying on a fire escape because I was so upset by her words, so upset that everyone bailed, and so upset I didn’t follow my gut inviting other friends who would have come over obligatory family invites. I blocked my sister and her friend who joined in on her meanness. She has taken to emailing and texting me under spoof emails and phone numbers. Calling me irrelevant, embarrassing, disgusting, ugly, childish, greedy, no one showed up because they don’t like me, never been liked, etc.
My mother has spoken to her, but hasn’t reached out to me since the party when I said I was hurt at what she shared in confidence and need to think about what I want from this family anymore. My mother swears she went through her phone and saw the messages, but other parts of her (mothers) story don’t align. My mother historically has victim mindset over everything and could do no wrong.
I’m hurt, I’m upset. My husband has been amazing, but he doesn’t have any family that we could lean on ever. I’m torn between going fully no contact between my siblings who enable my sister, my mother who is emotionally abusive and enables her and doesn’t protect the rest of us, and calling it a day. Or going no contact with siblings, low contact with my mother, and never returning until they get their shit together and go to therapy. I just don’t know what is best anymore since I know my mom will never stand up to her. Family is all I’ve ever really had outside a close knit group of 3 friends, so it’s hard to go from everything to nothing in the blink of an eye.
Ever since my dad died and my sister took over, I have felt like I don’t have a spot in the family anymore. My sisters best friend of 15 years has always wanted to be apart of our big family since she had a dysfunctional one herself, and joins us on family vacations, Christmas, every waking moment. She is just as bad as my sister, and my sister is her only friend so she bows down to her. Since dad died, it’s like my sister and her friend don’t want me in the family and want to give the bff my daughter spot and to ostracize me. All of this is making me spiral and spiral and spiral. I haven’t been this bad mentally in a really, REALLY long time and it’s triggering me a lot.
I feel like as a woman, I’m held to a different caliber than the others. My brothers could do whatever they damn well please, and they do, and everyone turns a blind eye. With my sister being the oldest, she gets the same treatment. I am overwhelmed with what this family puts me through. My husband doesn’t have any family anymore for us to lean on, spend holidays with, etc. How do you move on? How do you find peace? How do you be okay with the fact nothing will ever change in this dynamic so it’s all or nothing?
FWIW - have an amazing therapist, amazing support group. Am ok, just sad and upset.

TL;DR - selfish asshole of an older brother scams me and my parents out of $200.
Okay, so I’m not doing too well financially, but I live with my Mom and Pops so we try to make ends meet. A couple weeks back we were in such rough shape financially, that I had to juggle three day jobs just to cover rent and suppress the collector’s from knocking on the door regarding our collective debts. We so broke I literally can’t even afford to sleep because in the night=I can get freelance work done. “I can sleep when I’m dead,” has become my full-time motto (unfortunately). Anyways, to try to bring some income in my household I offer services as a freelance video editor.
A while back, my older brother (who’s a career criminal and has flee’d multiple countries when authorities were after him for violent offences) hit me up and asked if I’d be down to edit for him. I was hesitant at first, being as last time I heard from him was after he beat our Mum to a pulp when I was only 12. For context bro or sis, whoever you are that is reading this: if I was only three years older I wouldn’t have let that slide—I would have mobbed his ass right then and there, pinned him down and done him so fucking dirty… IDGAF if my 15 year old ass had gone to juvie for it, I would do anything for my mother, including take a life. But instead, all that’s been imprinted in my brain is how much of a bitch I was at 12–cowering under the dining table as he took multiple shots with a shoe, at our crying helpless mother on the ground.
Anyways it’s been a few years, I’m 24 now and he gave me a big sob story how he has changed. I bought it up like the good little sheeple I am… started editing for him under the guise that he’d pay me $200 per video: SCORE! That’s a lot of money!!!
I got to know his business (shady as fuck) and got to find out he now dreams of being a finance influencer (double shady) but alas, he’s my big bro and no matter what wrong-doing he’s doing, he convinced me that he was a good man. Ight, bet, I’ma edit for him and make some money for the fam! In between his ‘takes’ of videos he sends me, I piece together that his “wife” films the videos, and he’s still an extremely abusive person. He tries not to let it show on camera, but I’m really good with people, emotions and hidden trauma so I can feel the sickening ‘abuser-of-people’ energy SEEPING off of him, still, to this day. I feel sick to my stomach editing for him, but shit, he’s promised me $200 per video. Over the course of a few weeks I can see why he never told us about his wife, it seems he keeps her pent up somewhere in Georgia, Batumi, and forces her to do whatever he wants. He once referred to her as “his slave” which I originally thought was A JOKE, but now in the grand scheme of things… I don’t think it was a joke. I pray that authorities get to them before he does something to her, but idek where to begin to put a ‘concerned citizen tip’ in a foreign country.
Some context as to why I put up with all the red flags: Mom’s not working as she has to take care of the house and she’s also trying to make money online, any ways possible. She’s starting to sell her favourite clothes. It fucking breaks my heart that I can’t do shit about it… at 24 years old, with all the social media influencing and advertising, I feel like garbage that I can’t fully support my parents… at least not yet! Dad is constantly depressed because he’s almost 80 years old and can’t retire ‘cuz my parent’s are in too much debt.
Okay, anyways, three BIG videos done for him (by big, I mean I spent +8 hours on each vid) and brother’s paid me for ONE via PayPal… no worries, he keeps leading me on saying the money will come, the money will come. And PayPal says I got $200 coming my way from him! Uhh ight, bet? Mind you, I start PLANNING my life around this $200 notification because that’s a hot stack for me and my family!!! Takes PayPal about 20 days to actually let me use the money… ridiculous because we NEEDED it… but that’s okay, I work around the problems in life, much like we all have to.
Here comes the turning point: I’m a little overworked and a little coo-coo sometimes, and one night I start telling him personal shit, kinda pouring out my heart to him, venting almost. I don’t really remember about what, just life I guess, nothing negative towards him. Somehow he misconstrues it, gets upset with me, and ‘tells me off.’ I get upset with him, tell him his business is a sham and I’ma change the rules that we agreed upon. Since his fake-ass can’t pay me what was agreed upon, (maybe $200 is a lot for him, as well) so I ask him if we can do $10 per hour instead. I pitch to him that moving forward, anytime I edit more than five hours ($50), I will refuse to edit until the money gets sent. The conversation turns hostile, QUICK. He calls me a ton of bad names with an underlying message that I’m the biggest loser on earth for pursuing a dream in working in Entertainment & he ends it with a sweet “you’ll never be anything.” LOL WHAT? Completely out of pocket and out of left field, so naturally, I tell him to eat shit, I won’t be doing anymore free work and he can pay me a mere $30 (yes, thirty dollars) for the entire portfolio of audios, texts/scripts, videos, and clips I’ve taken from the internet that ‘match’ the vibe he wants in his videos.
Context: at this point I’ve completed SIX FULL VIDEOS FOR THIS DUDE and he’s only paid me the one payment of $200. Not good at maths? Me neither, lemme help you out. He owes me $1,200 from our original agreement because I’ve spent more than 48 collective hours working on his videos, and he’s only paid me $200. But I tell him: I’ll let it all slide if he pays me $30 for the portfolio of about 50 gigabytes, and then moving forward, he’d pay me the $10 per hour if he wanted more content from me. He already has the six full videos in his possession. The ‘portfolio’ is stuff I’ve found that’s free-use on the internet, stuff that I’ve compiled, and even some scripts that I’ve written out! ALL MINE that I did for HIS business. So it seems logical for me to give this portfolio as an option, just incase he wants to say nah moving forward on me editing for him, and just take the material & go our separate ways…
In response, my (35 year old) brother files a complaint on PayPal claiming he only hired me for a channel encompassing trailer that I did not provide and that I’m attempting to extort him for more money. LOL, WHAT? PayPal’s like BET and automatically attempts to deduct from MY chequing account, without even getting to the bottom of it. Obviously doesn’t work, my account (not PayPal account, my fucking bank account. these mf so overzealous that they reached right into my mf pocket!!!!) gets put in the negatives and I attempt to appeal, with no sweat on my brow ‘cuz I’m like no way PayPal finna let this slide. I then proceed to message my terrible relative multiple times, with texts, videos and audio recordings and I’m in a hysterical mess. I begin threatening him, I begin begging to him, pleading with him, saying anything under the sun just for the hope that he has some heart and would send back the $200 if PayPal does end up taking it from me. Already my chequing was fricked but I could do some damage control… I was cocky, thinking PayPal would obviously side with me once they heard the whole story, so I also told him since he’s caused such pain for me out of absolutely nothing, like completely unprovoked, then shit: I want the original $200 PLUS an extra $200 for all this trauma. He responds by blocking me on everything. It’s 4 A.M. and I’m shaking as I’m typing this…
Somehow after all the information I provided, PayPal sides with him. Wow, wait, what? PayPal has since tried to deduct my PERSONAL CHEQUING ACCOUNT multiple times in order to fish back the $200 which I ALREADY HAD TO USE!!! Idk if you ever had a payment tried to be taken out of an account which already has a negative balance, but the payment doesn’t go (it does a minus then a plus) but usually the bank is like WTF and charges you fees. Multiple times = Multiple fees…
Before, I was in the negatives on my ONE chequing account I own… now I’m in the NEGATIVE-NEGATIVES… no clue how tf I’ma get out of it, but we all persevere eventually! I’ve reached out to PayPal but I’m almost sure nothing will come of it.. I’m considering taking PayPal to small claims court to somehow try to fix all this mess, but I fear it’ll break me off more trouble than repair anything. If you want to DM me, I’ll gladly give you my brother’s socials to send a report to his accounts on Instagram or TikTok, or even leave him a not-so-nice comment if you’d like. Also let me know if you know how I can get in contact with the authorities in the country of ‘Georgia.’
I have absolutely no issues posting his socials, address, doxxxing his ass to the fullest extent, all to do whatever’s necessary: because I fear he will one day gain notoriety and scam a shit ton of people. Praying that never happens.
Let me know what y’all think!!!

After 2 years, I (M24) broke up with my girlfriend (F22). It was a beautiful and healthy relationship at the beginning, but it changed beyond recognition. Over time, she began to show her toxic, manipulative, and narcissistic nature. The whole world revolved around her, she could never admit her mistakes, and she blamed others for everything. She constantly blamed her parents for her anxieties, saying they didn't listen to her, understand her, or care if she was sad during her childhood. This is not true at all.
To clarify, we lived together in an apartment for about 6 months. The first two months were great, and she helped with household chores and cooking. But after those two months, something broke. When she came home from work, she would lie in bed all day watching TikToks and reality shows. I took care of the entire household—cooking, cleaning, and everything else. The only thing she occasionally did was laundry, and even then, I had to push and beg her to do it. Our sex life suddenly ended, and we didn't have sex for about 2 months. I've always been the type who likes to cuddle and have close contact with my partner. I could only cuddle her when she wanted to; if she didn't, she would just say that she was comfortable and didn't want to be touched.
She was nice only when she needed something; on those days, things were okay with her. But the next day, when she didn't need anything, she was withdrawn and indifferent. I tried to do everything for her, often driving her to and from work, buying her gifts, and getting her whatever she craved. I tried to be her support, but toward the end, she started rejecting it. It's weird because she kept telling me she loved me. About a month ago, she told me she loved me but couldn't fall in love with me. She said the problem was within her and that often, even when I did or said nothing, I annoyed her. This hurt me deeply, and I considered ending it back then.
Meanwhile, she started chatting with her ex-boyfriend, whom she met at a bar while out with her friend. They had a bad breakup, but they supposedly cleared things up and became friends, chatting every day since then. I felt strange and bad about it. Her relationship with me felt like it was out of principle, and she was just using me. She was only nice when she needed something. A week ago, she went on vacation to Turkey with her family, a trip I couldn't attend. We got her passport and everything ready together. On the first day of the vacation, she texted and called me, and I saw she was happy, which made me very happy. But after the first day, she only messaged me once every two days. When she returned from Turkey, I was on a hike with her dad. When I got home, I went to take a nap, and she was at her parents' place. I woke up to her knocking, standing there with three friends. I didn't get a kiss or a hug. She immediately left with her friends to go to a bar. I heard some quiet mocking and smirks but didn't address it. She closed the door, and everything hit me—all the sadness and melancholy of the past months. I felt like crap. I unpacked her suitcase with tears in my eyes, packed my things, and called my dad to come get me. I had a few beers on the hike and didn't want to risk driving. I texted her that I was going home. Her response was that she fully understood.
She had already told me that she was sorry for her behavior but didn't know any other way and that I didn't deserve this. Yesterday, I went back to clarify things and get the rest of my stuff. She told me that during her time in Turkey, she didn't miss me at all and didn't feel the need to text me. She realized then that this wasn't how it should be. We shed a few tears, and she asked if she could cuddle with me one last time, which broke my heart. I felt like crap. She helped me pack my things, and I left. She's probably going to stay with a friend. We were renting this apartment, so we'll just cancel the lease.
On the hike, her dad told me he was very happy that she found a guy like me and that he was sorry for how she was treating me. Even though she's his daughter, he said I didn't deserve this and should pack up and leave. He said she was like her mother and that I didn't want to end up like him. He told her the same thing when she came home—that she shouldn't treat me like trash and should either start acting normal or break up. Her mother told her she hoped she'd find another tyrant who would bully her and make her life hell like all her previous boyfriends.
Sorry for the long text, but I needed to vent and also put my thoughts together in case I need to remind myself why this was the right decision. There are probably many mistakes, so I apologize. English is not my first language, and this is my first experience with Reddit. Thank you for your feedback. I need advice on how to stop thinking about her. I'm afraid I might start stalking her on social media or want to message her. What was your way of avoiding this?

Hi all! I wasn’t going to post this, but I’ve slept on it and I still don’t feel better. Yesterday was treatment 9/36. So far treatment has been pretty uncomfortable, but not unbearable. I tried the short bursts and they caused me migraines/tension headaches so I switched back to the longer one. Things have been okay, still tender, have some squeezing, but mostly I just feel odd after. Spacey and weird, my emotions seem heightened as well.
All that to say, yesterday was a new one, and it scared me. I usually chat with the nurse while I’m in the chair. This time he turned me up from 90-100.Less than 1/2 way through, I began having difficulty speaking. I had the words, but couldn’t get them out. My speech was very slurred and difficult to understand. It startled me so eventually I stopped trying to speak all together. It stopped as soon as the session was over, I only had trouble speaking while the pulses were hitting. The nurse said he’s seen it before, but my partner has a TBI with seizures and aphasia,so I researched this subject a lot. It has got me thinking, is this actually a side effect, or potentially a mild seizure? I had my daughter with me and drove home and felt incredibly guilty. I won’t take her again. This was supposed to be “minor side effects” but it’s past that now. Has anyone else experienced this?

Hey everyone! I've never made a post on reddit before so bear with me friends. This is also gonna be long because I physically cannot restrain myself from overexplaining.
Ok, SO me (24F) and my guy best friend (25M) have known each other since about sophomore year of college. Let's call him Tony alright. I met him through my college roommate and best friend, we'll call her Tina (Tony is Tina's cousin's husband's best friend). He went to a different college in a city about 2 1/2 hours away, but he came and hung out with his friend a lot and he lived with them during COVID. I'm a pretty socially awkward and shy person so it takes me a while to get comfortable around someone and be myself so I didn't really engage with him at first. It should also be mentioned, I've never been in a relationship or in love befoe; I've been on dates and done a thing or two here and there with some people, but I've always been shy so I'm kind of a late bloomer in the relationship aspect. He is not and he's been in relationships before and has experience doing the horizontal tango; an activity I do not have experience in!
Fast forward, tail end of junior year or beginning of senior year of college we start actually interacting and I open up a bit more. I then develop a small "schoolgirl" kinda type crush because he was a new friend and funny and nice, and I never really had any guy friends growing up so it was new to me and you know the daddy issues of it all. Ok so BOOM spring break senior year right (March 2022), we go on a vacation to NOLA with our friend group. My crush is in full swing at this point and during said trip, my bff Tina and I share a hotel room with Tony and his best friend Ted (sharing bc we are poor). So we get a lot of quality time and get a lot closer as friends. Skip to May 2022, we graduate college and my BFF Tina moves to the bigger city in the state we live in (where he lives) in June (we went to college in a small town). So, naturally I go to the city a lot to visit her and so in turn we start hanging with him more frequently since he's closer now. At this point, I'm over my crush and he's just my really good friend (I promise). Fast forward to December 2022, I move to the city as well and my bff Tina and I move in together so we see him even more, and he's spending nights at our place (on the couch). We get a lot closer and the main thing we do in our friendship is talk. He's a level 100 yapper, and I didn't used to be at all until we became friends honestly, but he just brings out the yap in me. We talk about anything and everything; we even argue about a variety of topics, but it's not with malice or rudeness at all; we're just talking. He's just genuinely the easiest person to talk to I've ever met; strangers just talk to him all the time.
So now we're gonna jump to December of 2023 (sorry for the jumping around, I'm an ADHD warrior). I've had mental health issues off and on since high school, but they got worse around this time. Around this same time, he started getting depressed as well as a few months prior he had been fired from a job and his car got towed amongst other things. My BFF is also going through it.We are all just going through some trials and tribulations lemme tell ya. So, we've all been leaning on each other emotionally pretty heavily lately. Recently, he spends multiple days in a row at our house. So, I've been working through the prior mentioned mental health issues these past months and I'm think I'm finally coming out the other side. I've actually been the happiest I've been in a very long time, but I'm also still struggling a bit because I feel as though my personality has changed drastically since this ordeal or maybe I'm finally feeling secure enough in myself to show my true personality idk, but in a nutshell I'm feeling open and brave which are qualities I don't have experience in whatsoever. As I'm finding myself, I think I'm also becoming more in touch with my feelings which is how I realized I had feelings for him, but anyways back to the nitty gritty. So I'm feeling all these new feelings and all, and my crush on Tony comes back with a terrible new twist: 100% real uncut feelings 😔. But, I am terrible at reading social cues and understanding other people's feelings so I genuinely can't tell if he feels the same or not. But, ever since I've realized my feelings, I've been noticing things more. Me, Tina, and Tony have always been very open with each other in the sense that we talk about anything and everything. We talk about sex, relationships, our bodies, etc. But, lately, I feel like him and I talk even more about sex and relationships and he makes more jokes or funny remarks about sexual or romantic things between us. To be fair, I have too (😝), so it may just be in response, but come on, it's to the point like, we jokin anymore?? So, the other day, I was joking about how I was gonna be a virgin at 40, and he said, "Nah, we'll figure something out before then." like what you mean by that?? And another time, we were riding in the backseat together, and the whole car was talking about eating a girl's kitty cat and I had made a joke about not knowing the feeling and he said, "What?? That's so sad bro" and then under his breath said, "we'll have to do something about it" like huh???? And I also have this crop top with butterflies on it that may be a lil revealing (🙈) that he complimented when he first saw me wear it. And now, whenever I wear it, he'll say something about it like, "Ohhh, return of the shirt" or something along those lines. Also a while back, I had told him about how my late grandpa would always sneak me Ho-Hos as a kid and how I missed him a lot, and in the next few days, he brought some over when he came to hang out like brooo 😩. He didn't say that was the reason or anything, but that would be a crazy coincidence I feel. He's also always showing me something on his phone like a video he thought was funny, a movie he liked, pop culture we talk about, music he likes, etc. He'll just appear in front of me with his phone 2.3 cm from my face saying, "look 👁👄👁". Also, we've both been talking a lot lately about how lonely we are and how we miss sleeping and cuddling with another person in the bed. I feel like I've been dropping hints, but I'm also scared to tip him off so the hints I think I'm dropping could be more like office friendly chit-chat in reality!
It should also be noted that after I got over my initial crush, I didn't find him attractive. I really didn't find him attractive when I had a crush tbh. He's definitely not my usual type at all; I'm a fat bi girl who usually goes for masc women or feminine men and he's a short skinny lil fella with a permed mullet 😭. I'm definitely not his usual type either which is another reason I have doubts about his interest in me. He usually dates skinnier girls. I'm finally okay with my body, but if you're a fat person, you know how absolutely anxiety-inducing it is thinking about shooting your shot and someone rejecting you because of your body. I don't think he would do that, but there's still that fear there. He's also mentioned recently how he doesn't care about looks and body and I'm like 🤨 you hinting at something?? Cause I've talked to him before about struggling with loving my body so he knows im self-conscious about it at times. I'm also hesitant because besides Tina, he's my best friend in the world. I would never want to do anything to jeopardize that friendship. I've been trying to get over it and/or ignore it. But, God, idk what to do anymore. It's driving me insane, and I hate that I'm looking for things and reading into things. And I feel like I'm acting weird or changing my behavior which sucks cause it's hard to control cause I'm nervous. But, I really don't think it's all in my head. I don't even know if I want to pursue anything and change our relationship forever, but I feel like I'm going crazy. If anyone has any insight or advice, it would be much appreciated. Thanks a bunch!
TL;DR: I (24F) think I'm in love with my guy best friend (25). We met when I was 20, and I think he may be flirting and secretly feel the same, but I truly can't tell. We hang out almost everyday, but I don't want to be seeing things that aren't really happening. I also don't want to ruin our friendship. I would really just like some insight on the situation or advice on how to tell if he's also interested. TIA! 🫶

So about a month ago this guy (30M) and I (26F) matched on hinge. His first message was quite interesting because he straight up suggested meeting up to grab coffee and skipped all the small talk. I thought it was pretty interesting and it got me intrigued, so I agreed. He told me I could choose the place and time and let him know and he'll be there. I suggested a place and time and we met up for the 1st date. I went into the 1st date not having a lot of expectations since I basically had no infos on this guy. Fast forward to the date, we spent about 4 hours together and it went a lot better than I expected. We spoke about what we're both looking for which is LTRs. He did mention that he wouldn't want to rush things and wants to take time before getting into his next relationship. He also suggested during the 1st date that he would want to meet up again. After the date, he messaged me and thanked me for the date, and I also thanked him for buying ice cream. Fast forward 5 days later and I haven't received a single text from this guy, so I thought okay why don't I suggest meeting up for the 2nd date. I messaged him and to my surprise he was down to meet up on that same day quite spontaneously. We met up and spent almost the whole day together at the park picnicking and then went to grab dinner after that. He paid for dinner and I thanked him and suggested I pay for the next date, and he said no worries. I went home and messaged thanking him for the date and told him I had a great time. He said he it was nice seeing me too but the message felt kind of dry but I didn't want to overthink it. 3 weeks passed and he didn't message me once after the 2nd date, so I assumed I got ghosted. Now he messaged me on sunday out of the blue asking me how I am and if I have plans for Monday (it was a public holiday where I live). I thought it was really weird and didn't know how to react to it. I messaged him back and told him I'm doing well and asked how's he doing but also mentioned that I unfortunately already have plans and left it that. He read my messages but didn't reply and I don't even know what this guy wants from me. When he didn't reach out after the second date, I felt genuinely bad because I thought I offended him in some sort of way and now I don't how to feel about this random text message and then leaving me on read again after reaching out.
Any suggestions?
Also very sorry for the long read, I wanted to give as much detail as possible.

TL;DR - selfish asshole of an older brother scams me and my parents out of $200.
Okay, so I’m not doing too well financially, but I live with my Mom and Pops so we try to make ends meet. A couple weeks back we were in such rough shape financially, that I had to juggle three day jobs just to cover rent and suppress the collector’s from knocking on the door regarding our collective debts. We so broke I literally can’t even afford to sleep because in the night=I can get freelance work done. “I can sleep when I’m dead,” has become my full-time motto (unfortunately). Anyways, to try to bring some income in my household I offer services as a freelance video editor.
A while back, my older brother (who’s a career criminal and has flee’d multiple countries when authorities were after him for violent offences) hit me up and asked if I’d be down to edit for him. I was hesitant at first, being as last time I heard from him was after he beat our Mum to a pulp when I was only 12. For context bro or sis, whoever you are that is reading this: if I was only three years older I wouldn’t have let that slide—I would have mobbed his ass right then and there, pinned him down and done him so fucking dirty… IDGAF if my 15 year old ass had gone to juvie for it, I would do anything for my mother, including take a life. But instead, all that’s been imprinted in my brain is how much of a bitch I was at 12–cowering under the dining table as he took multiple shots with a shoe, at our crying helpless mother on the ground.
Anyways it’s been a few years, I’m 24 now and he gave me a big sob story how he has changed. I bought it up like the good little sheeple I am… started editing for him under the guise that he’d pay me $200 per video: SCORE! That’s a lot of money!!!
I got to know his business (shady as fuck) and got to find out he now dreams of being a finance influencer (double shady) but alas, he’s my big bro and no matter what wrong-doing he’s doing, he convinced me that he was a good man. Ight, bet, I’ma edit for him and make some money for the fam! In between his ‘takes’ of videos he sends me, I piece together that his “wife” films the videos, and he’s still an extremely abusive person. He tries not to let it show on camera, but I’m really good with people, emotions and hidden trauma so I can feel the sickening ‘abuser-of-people’ energy SEEPING off of him, still, to this day. I feel sick to my stomach editing for him, but shit, he’s promised me $200 per video. Over the course of a few weeks I can see why he never told us about his wife, it seems he keeps her pent up somewhere in Georgia, Batumi, and forces her to do whatever he wants. He once referred to her as “his slave” which I originally thought was A JOKE, but now in the grand scheme of things… I don’t think it was a joke. I pray that authorities get to them before he does something to her, but idek where to begin to put a ‘concerned citizen tip’ in a foreign country.
Some context as to why I put up with all the red flags: Mom’s not working as she has to take care of the house and she’s also trying to make money online, any ways possible. She’s starting to sell her favourite clothes. It fucking breaks my heart that I can’t do shit about it… at 24 years old, with all the social media influencing and advertising, I feel like garbage that I can’t fully support my parents… at least not yet! Dad is constantly depressed because he’s almost 80 years old and can’t retire ‘cuz my parent’s are in too much debt.
Okay, anyways, three BIG videos done for him (by big, I mean I spent +8 hours on each vid) and brother’s paid me for ONE via PayPal… no worries, he keeps leading me on saying the money will come, the money will come. And PayPal says I got $200 coming my way from him! Uhh ight, bet? Mind you, I start PLANNING my life around this $200 notification because that’s a hot stack for me and my family!!! Takes PayPal about 20 days to actually let me use the money… ridiculous because we NEEDED it… but that’s okay, I work around the problems in life, much like we all have to.
Here comes the turning point: I’m a little overworked and a little coo-coo sometimes, and one night I start telling him personal shit, kinda pouring out my heart to him, venting almost. I don’t really remember about what, just life I guess, nothing negative towards him. Somehow he misconstrues it, gets upset with me, and ‘tells me off.’ I get upset with him, tell him his business is a sham and I’ma change the rules that we agreed upon. Since his fake-ass can’t pay me what was agreed upon, (maybe $200 is a lot for him, as well) so I ask him if we can do $10 per hour instead. I pitch to him that moving forward, anytime I edit more than five hours ($50), I will refuse to edit until the money gets sent. The conversation turns hostile, QUICK. He calls me a ton of bad names with an underlying message that I’m the biggest loser on earth for pursuing a dream in working in Entertainment & he ends it with a sweet “you’ll never be anything.” LOL WHAT? Completely out of pocket and out of left field, so naturally, I tell him to eat shit, I won’t be doing anymore free work and he can pay me a mere $30 (yes, thirty dollars) for the entire portfolio of audios, texts/scripts, videos, and clips I’ve taken from the internet that ‘match’ the vibe he wants in his videos.
Context: at this point I’ve completed SIX FULL VIDEOS FOR THIS DUDE and he’s only paid me the one payment of $200. Not good at maths? Me neither, lemme help you out. He owes me $1,200 from our original agreement because I’ve spent more than 48 collective hours working on his videos, and he’s only paid me $200. But I tell him: I’ll let it all slide if he pays me $30 for the portfolio of about 50 gigabytes, and then moving forward, he’d pay me the $10 per hour if he wanted more content from me. He already has the six full videos in his possession. The ‘portfolio’ is stuff I’ve found that’s free-use on the internet, stuff that I’ve compiled, and even some scripts that I’ve written out! ALL MINE that I did for HIS business. So it seems logical for me to give this portfolio as an option, just incase he wants to say nah moving forward on me editing for him, and just take the material & go our separate ways…
In response, my (35 year old) brother files a complaint on PayPal claiming he only hired me for a channel encompassing trailer that I did not provide and that I’m attempting to extort him for more money. LOL, WHAT? PayPal’s like BET and automatically attempts to deduct from MY chequing account, without even getting to the bottom of it. Obviously doesn’t work, my account (not PayPal account, my fucking bank account. these mf so overzealous that they reached right into my mf pocket!!!!) gets put in the negatives and I attempt to appeal, with no sweat on my brow ‘cuz I’m like no way PayPal finna let this slide. I then proceed to message my terrible relative multiple times, with texts, videos and audio recordings and I’m in a hysterical mess. I begin threatening him, I begin begging to him, pleading with him, saying anything under the sun just for the hope that he has some heart and would send back the $200 if PayPal does end up taking it from me. Already my chequing was fricked but I could do some damage control… I was cocky, thinking PayPal would obviously side with me once they heard the whole story, so I also told him since he’s caused such pain for me out of absolutely nothing, like completely unprovoked, then shit: I want the original $200 PLUS an extra $200 for all this trauma. He responds by blocking me on everything. It’s 4 A.M. and I’m shaking as I’m typing this…
Somehow after all the information I provided, PayPal sides with him. Wow, wait, what? PayPal has since tried to deduct my PERSONAL CHEQUING ACCOUNT multiple times in order to fish back the $200 which I ALREADY HAD TO USE!!! Idk if you ever had a payment tried to be taken out of an account which already has a negative balance, but the payment doesn’t go (it does a minus then a plus) but usually the bank is like WTF and charges you fees. Multiple times = Multiple fees…
Before, I was in the negatives on my ONE chequing account I own… now I’m in the NEGATIVE-NEGATIVES… no clue how tf I’ma get out of it, but we all persevere eventually! I’ve reached out to PayPal but I’m almost sure nothing will come of it.. I’m considering taking PayPal to small claims court to somehow try to fix all this mess, but I fear it’ll break me off more trouble than repair anything. If you want to DM me, I’ll gladly give you my brother’s socials to send a report to his accounts on Instagram or TikTok, or even leave him a not-so-nice comment if you’d like. Also let me know if you know how I can get in contact with the authorities in the country of ‘Georgia.’
I have absolutely no issues posting his socials, address, doxxxing his ass to the fullest extent, all to do whatever’s necessary: because I fear he will one day gain notoriety and scam a shit ton of people. Praying that never happens.
Let me know what y’all think!!!

Real and practical advice for single men - this works
I originally shared this as a reply to someone's post, then felt like a separate post would help more single guys interested in couples. I've been the male 3rd enough times to be able to share what actually works and is a step beyond the more generic advice of "be charming" or "be respectful". For all the single guys out there, good luck and here goes.
Mindset - you are part of their fantasy and there for her pleasure as a priority. You win when both he and she walk out thinking "Wow" without any yellow or red flags from you.
Here's my advice

1. THE MOST IMPORTANT BIT OF ADVICE - Talk to and engage the M half of the couple. Let him know you know your place in the 3some (i.e. you're there to help them have fun together). It's also a great opportunity to ask him what their fantasy is, what she likes, what he would like to see, and more. Hopefully, they've both talked about this a bunch and he can tell you about that, including any limits. He might even share something special you can do that will blow her mind. By engaging him, with respect, you can find all the help you need in making this work out well for everyone. You don't have to become his best friend, but the more he is comfortable with you, the more they both can relax and enjoy the experience together.
   
2. Realize you are part of THEIR fantasy and you will can be invited back if this works out well. So focus on making it work out well for them, being aware and responsive to their needs, what they are looking for. Single, attractive, respectful men are not as common as you might think. Finding one couple that you get on well with and getting invited back will open many doors for you, especially if they have friends or want to invite you to a party. So, focus on giving her pleasure and fun, even if you don't finish yourself. This is really important to remember - focus on her enjoyment.
   
3. Sometimes a couple will have a specific fantasy and want you to play a role like being the Dom to her. If you find that out, read up on it, get an idea on what you can do in your own style to play that role. Some couples really enjoy when the woman gets to live out her fantasy with another man, whether she wants to be a sub, or a Dom herself, or even really simple almost vanilla things like, doing a strip tease or being playfully teased. You don't have to be perfect or an expert, but realize your role in this interaction is to help them have fun living out their fantasy.
   
4. It should go without saying, but impeccable hygiene is a must. Be trimmed, clean, smelling good, fresh breath, and whatever else you need to do so that she doesn't get distracted. A nice light amount of cologne will work. My advice on cologne is to ask a female friend to pick one for you and then be very subtle with how much you use. Women's noses seem to pickup cologne more than you realize. If you don't have a friend or don't trust cologne being fresh and clean smelling from a shower is great too.
   
5. If necessary, drink an energy drink or coffee so you are bursting with energy when you guys get to the bedroom. That new person energy and stamina goes a long way to having her feel good, appreciated, sexy, wanted etc. You might be tempted to drink alcohol before hand, even just to loosen up. My advice would be NOT to drink.
   
6. Realize they might be nervous or not sure where to start. That's okay if you gently take the lead and help her relax. Gentle kissing, caressing and laying her down on the bed for you to go down on her is a good start. Don't worry too much though, once you get the ball rolling, just let nature take over. You're all there for the same reason, so just let things flow.
   
7. If you are meeting at your place, have a pile of clean towels for them to use. Also of course clean up your place, clean sheets on the bed, etc. Make sure your bathroom and shower are sparkly clean and spray some air freshener around. If necessary, open the windows and air your whole place out just to make things fresher.
   
8. Have bottled water and some sugary snacks. The water will keep everyone hydrated and people feel more comfortable when they drink from a water bottle they open themselves. Gatorade is great too. Sugar snacks will give you a short recharge on your energy (saw this on a porn set). Notwithstanding what I said above about skipping alcohol, having a bottle of wine or other alcohol works well as an icebreaker when the couple shows up. Still, one drink max for everyone is my recommendation for your best evening.
   
9. Before meeting, send sexy chat notes to her (with him in the same chat) to help build excitement in her mind and between them. Keep things subtle, share how excited you are, be playful and easy about it. Too many texts, getting too heavy or too graphic can ruin the mood. And as a general rule, don't send a dick pic. Just don't. You might be tempted to show off, but she can enjoy it when you two are together in person.
   
10. Check in with him, getting his permission in a friendly way, for anything you want to do that you haven't already talked about. You might find things unfolding naturally in new directions and he(and then her) will feel better when they see you check in with them. Remember, he's sharing his girl with you, the more he and then she trust you the better things will turn out.
    
11. Always respect what she says. If she doesn't like something stop. If she wants more of something or asks for something you haven't already talked about, then check in with him to make sure it's okay. Interestingly enough, he may ask you to do something she doesn't want or like. You know how it is with guys, sometimes they can get carried away. If this happens, the best answer is to respect what she says, and suggest something else instead. She will be happier, trust you more for respecting her voice and overall, they will have a better time.
    
12. When things are winding down, look for their cues that it's time for you to leave (if you are at their place) or for them to leave (if they are at your place). This is a good time to make sure they know where the towels are, that they can shower, offer them water, etc. You know, all the "how to be a good host stuff".
    
13. As they are about to go, you can share with them how much you enjoyed the evening and checkin with them, to see if they enjoyed themselves. If they did, you usually don't have to ask. A nice sensual kiss and a hug for her works. Next, it's REALLY IMPORTANT that you thank him for sharing. If you stop and think for a moment, he just shared the most important person in his life with you in a very intimate and private way. You got a gift from him. Be respectful and say thank you with honesty and heartfelt integrity. This can help him and her see that you have character and understand your role.
    
14. Make sure you know, respect and follow THEIR rules about communicating. In general, you can avoid problems by making sure you always communicate with BOTH of them. Sometimes, either she or he will text or call you separately. Just make sure that you ask, know and follow their rules about this. Also, if they do say it's okay for you to talk to each of them separately, it's best to keep the other person involved and aware when you do. This shows simple respect for each of them as individuals and their relationship. The same goes for meeting up with them as individuals. Know, respect and follow THEIR rules.
    
15. Performance issues: if you need to, take a small dose of viagra or cialis to help get over anxiety issues. But don't over do it if you haven't taken it before. You don't want to get too much of a headache or other side effects. One side effect of these meds is that they can also make it harder for you to finish. But don't worry about that because you focusing on her this time is the big win for you.
    

EDIT: Cardio FTW - being in great cardio shape pays dividends all around. Beyond aesthetics for your potential partner, increased stamina means you get less tired during your play time and can choose when to stop vs having to stop because you are badly out of breath. It can also help with exhaustion based performance issues. Last point is that when you click with someone, it's nice to be able to keep going just for their pleasure.

1. Last note - If things work out for you to meet and then you all have a good time, you can be the fuel for new passion and excitement for them and their relationship. In the least you can give them good memories. Maybe it can even develop into something long term.
   
2. Additional note about follow-up: After you leave or they leave, a short polite text thanking them both for a great time is a nice thing to do. Keep it short, simple and don't worry about setting up your next play time, instead just thank them. This gives them feedback that you enjoyed them and opens the door for them to share back to you, as well as ask you later for another play date. Realize that they might not get back to your right away and that's okay. They may have moved family, work or other obligations to make space for this date, and then have to catch back up with all those things the next day. If they had a good time with you and want more, they'll reach out.
   

If anyone else has advice, pls feel free to add it. Everyone wins when you do.
EDIT/UPDATE: For all those that found this helpful. Great! For those who gave feedback on how this advice doesn't work for you, cool. I just shared to be helpful. For those who think I'm implying that the woman is a possession, that's not the point. I actually paused when writing the section about the guy sharing his girl, I thought someone will take this wrong. Maybe it's a guy respect thing, but it's certainly not to imply any sort of ownership. For the people who think this is icky, I'm just trying to help single guys. If it doesn't work for you, you can ignore it. :) Last thought: this isn't the only way for people to do things. I shared to be helpful. Nothing more. No agenda, no service, no sales pitch. Just giving back to the community.
Edit #2: Added the point about follow-up text. Edit #3: Added the point about cardio.

This will ramble and I’m sorry. Back in 2019 he would drink shooters of vodka all the time. He would before work, after work. He lied to me about smoking week for 26 weeks (so specific…I know because I was pregnant)….1st went to a couples therapy, he said it wasn’t worth it. Us. We have a son together. He said he would be better and stop drinking so much. So first cycle starts and he doesn’t…then it slowly increases. He got a dui in a company truck for drinking and driving, this was about 10 in the morning. This was to try to get back into an apprenticeship for welding, so he was working at a low pay but for a foot in the door. That obviously then was done. I was so upset mad and sad. I go visit him for the next few days in jail, and then picked him up when he was released. It begin again…..he started a new job because we moved about 40 miles from where we were. He worked 2nd shift. I went to bed and he’d always come in smelling like vodka. It even did in our room in the morning. He got suspended for a day for taking a shot of vodka at work for lunch. He says he’ll stop drinking so much…and does, cycle begins. It “appeared” he had….this was then in 2021 I believe. Every time though he had one beer it definitely seems as if he had more. After awhile I went to our gas station in town (we live in a small town) and simply went to the counter and said, “hey, what type of vodka does ** drink again, I forgot?” And then the girl goes “oh he usually gets this, but usually not just one, usually it’s at least 3(shooters)…I can go get you some in the back if you want?”……I said no, so buying shooters all the time in the morning, no wonder at night he always seems he had been drinking. I looked in his truck glove compartment, empty vodka bottle. In his other car center council, 3 full shooters. I didn’t tell him if my discoveries. That day I left for the day, came back home bottles empty when I saw his car at the bar, said he was just stopping by. I go home he comes home seeming way drunk. He said he’s not he’s only had 1 or 2. I brought up the shooters and my gas station discovery. He is pissed. Fight fight. Okay I’ll stop drinking so much. Come Christ of last year I asked him if he’d help wrap a few present so had left. He said sure. Comes in the bedroom appearing as though drinking more then just the can of 25oz beer in his hand. He said he had just chugged another one a min ago, and also drank some NyQuil like it was a glass of juice. I’m sad he is drinking everyday, I’ll stop doing it. I’m almost done. Within the last 4 months, he has been drinking less….except when he starts drinking everyday I call him out. Found shooters again. Yesterday I found out he took coins from our 5 year olds piggy bank ONLY A DOLLAR FIFTY (as he says). Also says it was months ago he feels bad about it, but it was months ago and “I’m doing so much better”.
A majority if not all when confronted or brought up about alcohol, it’s about the same thing. It’s my fault you drink If you wouldn’t be who you are we’d have no problems We don’t have problems in our relationship, you are the problem. Mocks me about my anxiety and depression Tells me it’s my fault for his actions (such as drinking then leaving to go to store quick backs up hits a pole and he is side mirror breaks off.) among other things. I am the problem and just need to relax. I am crazy. You need to stop causing arguments.
And, next day or 2 days later apologies and says he didn’t mean those and he feels bad and embarrassed.
So. Happened last night because of finding out he took all the silver coins out of sons piggy bank, to by shooters, says I’m over reacting and he’s sorry he did it, but it was months ago so I need to move on because he’s doing soooo much better(he says this but says he doesn’t have a problem)…I can’t get upset or feel it’s horrible, because it was months ago. “You caused this agrument”. Btw anytime I mention (not yelling) it’s always an argument to him.
Good morning. If you read this I thank you. I already have anxiety and depression issues and this is making it worse. I love him though and don’t want to leave him.

Alam ko maba bash ako dito pero okay lang kasi kasalanan ko talaga. Gusto ko lang ilabas 'to kasi sobrang bigat na.
Two weeks ago, my boyfriend and I broke up. In our almost 2-year relationship, we never had any major arguments. For context, my ex was broken when we got together—I was there for him when his previous ex left him. But I never thought I was just a rebound. I’m 10 years older than my ex-boyfriend. I’m in my early 30s, and he’s in his early 20s. Tahimik buhay namin sa loob ng almost 2 years, may tampuhan man pero super babaw lang. Yun nga lang, I never experienced being posted sa social media or his story (I know this is petty, but I’m mentioning it anyway. In almost 2 years, I think he posted me on his story twice, and my face wasn’t even that visible. I’m not as attractive compared to his ex. There was no trace of me on his social media. Walang ni isang picture ko. Literally zero. He said he wasn’t into social media, and it’s true kasi di sya ma status. Unlike when he was still with his ex). I was the opposite of him. I had pictures of him on my social media and was super proud of him. We also don't celebrate monthsaries or even anniversary kasi para sa kanya di naman importante yun. Mahalaga magkasama at masaya kami. I was already living with him and his family. For two years, I was okay with that because I loved my ex. Ang major concern ko lang noon was that whenever we had a fight, his family would know immediately, which made me embarrassed. Instead of resolving things just between us, his mom would always know. Other than that, there were no problems since his whole family was very kind. So in short, kahit may mga ganyan happy kami kasi mabait naman si ex. May times lang na naku question ko yung worth ko pero overall super okay kami.
Anyway, again, we never had any major arguments in our almost 2 years together. Our relationship was so relaxed that we both gained weight since give and take kami sa pag asikaso sa isa't-isa especially me, since I’m older—I really spoiled him as much as I could. Again, mahal na mahal ko kasi ex ko.
But I don’t know what came over me; I started chatting and flirting with someone from another country, ibang lahi. Uunahan ko na kayo—I wasn’t serious. We're both working from home, and after our shifts, we had our own hobbies. My ex was always busy playing on his PC. Ewan ko ba anong kat@ng@han pumasok sa utak ko kasi nga busy ex ko sa paglalaro and kaya nya mag spend ng ilang oras sa harap ng PC nya so I flirted with this guy without my ex-boyfriend knowing. Flirted in the sense the nilandi ko talaga yung guy pero hindi naging kami. Landian lang talaga. But eventually, I stopped. I probably flirted with the guy for about a week, and after that, I never chatted with him again. My mistake was not deleting the messages because it didn’t mean anything to me, and my ex boyfriend didn’t meddle with my phone. But he read them. Mga isang linggo na after my last chat with the guy, my ex-boyfriend read the conversation.
After reading it, he immediately told his parents that he was going to kick me out because I had been chatting with someone else. Direkta sya agad sa parents nya. Walang kumprontahang naganap muna. He threw my things, cursed at me, and called me all sorts of names. I get it. It was my fault. I cheated, even if I wasn’t serious. I begged for forgiveness kasi I wasn’t really serious about what I did. I had never done anything like that in my life, but I ended up on my knees begging for forgiveness. I was just curious and bored (sorry alam kong kab0b0han pero ito talaga rason ko) so I flirted, but I had no plans to cheat na makipag relasyon sa iba. I lied, yes. And that's cheating. He never forgave me. Wala ako magawa. I explained several times that I wasn’t serious, but he wouldn’t accept my explanation. Kaya kahit masakit pumayag ako makipag hiwalay.
It’s been days since I left their house, but until now, it still hurts. I still blame myself, super b0b0 ako sa part na yun and I never thought that something that was just a game to me would end our relationship.
I really miss him, lalo na lately lagi umuulan sa hapon. Sobrang lungkot ko. Iyak ako ng iyak because of what happened, but I'm trying my best to continue living my life. Mali ko eh, kasalanan ko. I haven't reached out to him because I know never nya na ako mapapatawad and I’m embarrassed of what I did. Alam ko din kasi na pag nag message ako malalaman na naman ng buong pamilya nya, nakakahiya.
P.S Lurker ex ko dito sa reddit, kung mababasa mo man 'to sorry pero wala talaga ako makausap. Sobrang bigat pa din talaga. Miss na miss na kita. Sobra. Ikaw na bahala kung iku-kwento mo na naman 'to sa pamilya mo. Again, sorry.

Hi folks,
Longtime lurker and first-time poster here. I need a (relatively) unbiased perspective on something that happened last night with my girlfriend.
For context, things between us have been touch and go for the past two months. A combination of issues we had when we first started dating resurfacing and long-distance (she's been working out of the country since March but will be back in about ten days) has made it hard to soothe each other during such times.
Things yesterday were more than okay. Actually, they were great. The warmth that we had at the start of the year when she was still here was back. She was affectionate, loving, cracking jokes, smiling, laughing, etc. I felt great. We decided to prepare dinner together that night on FaceTime, and things were going stellar.
Until she was jokingly telling me to stop singing this one song that she hated and I told her "to relax" in a non-serious tone. I instantly went, "Oh shit haha I'm so sorry, don't take my head off," because I remembered how she hates it when someone tells her to "relax." She clapped back, saying, "Haha don't tell me to relax, I'll fucking punch you in the face." And that is when I got pissed. I replied by saying "Lol I'd like to see you try that." She replied by saying "What? Are you going to punch me back?" And I said, "Of course not, I'd never lay a finger on you. You just wouldn't see my face ever again after that." Everything went a downhill after that.
I'm a sensitive guy. I always have been. It is something that has caused me a lot of anguish in my previous relationship because I can very quickly get upset about small things. For some reason, I've always had an issue with this kind of language in relationships. Violence. Do I think my girlfriend would actually punch me in the face? Of course not. But for whatever reason, I've always been hyper-sensitive to this kind of talk. I also despise it when anyone goes for my face in a joking manner, whether it's some rough housing with my dad or my friends, or my significant other jokingly giving me a couple of taps on the face.
I've never been physically abused in my life. My parents never laid a hand on me. I've never been physically bullied, either. So I really don't know where this aversion to physical or verbal jokes of this kind comes from.
I got a little pissed. I didn't shout, scream, or throw a tantrum. But I was visibly upset. She asked me why I was so pissed since she was clearly joking and said she would never actually punch me. I said I don't like that kind of language being thrown around even as a joke, to which she said, "Who hurt you?"
She went on to say that if this triggered a soft spot because of something that happened to me, I should communicate that to her. But I can't expect her to understand that if I've never told her. I said nothing happened to me. I've never been physically abused, so there's no "trauma" underlying it. It's just something I don't enjoy. No need to overanalyze it.
That sentence kicked my anger up a few notches. I guess reflecting on it, it felt invalidating. It frustrated me. I said, "Who hurt me? Do you really want to take it there? Is that how you want to handle this?"
I was pretty sure I knew why that sentence hurt me. I was in an emotionally abusive, toxic relationship for five years with a borderline narcississt. My girlfriend knows this. She knows how bad it was. And I guess the crass nature of the 'who hurt you?' comment reminded me of a time earlier in my relationship with my current girlfriend where we were having an argument and she said, "Do I have to treat you like shit to have you?" Which was a clear reference to my previous relationship. She has since apologized for that comment, after I told her how profoundly invalidating and wrong it is to say something like that.
The thing is. My girlfriend has a tendency to say things that come off as rude, hurtful, or invalidating when she's upset. And I think this whole situation triggered that fight or flight response after the 'Who hurt you?' debacle.
Back to the current issue....
I was flooded, so I told her I'd call her back after I've cooled off. I took five minutes to relax and then called her back. I apologized for my "overreaction" to her joke and explained to her that generally, I don't enjoy these kinds of jokes.
She went on to say that she finds me getting upset at something like this, to the degree that I did get upset, "kind of ridiculous."
I told her I understand. I said it was unfair to get roused up like that. I told her it's all water under the bridge now and I know she didn't mean anything she said seriously. I reiterated that I don't appreciate these kinds of jokes and that I don't think it's a big ask not to make them in our relationship. She agreed.
After we spoke about it, I couldn't shake the feeling that her telling me my reaction was "ridiculous" and me doubling down by saying it was "unfair" to her was, in reality, unfair to me, and invalidating for me.
Either way, it seemed like the damage was done, though. She was cold for the rest of the night while we watched something on Netflix. The jokey, smiling, sensual person that was there a few minutes ago was replaced by a cold, frustrated, avoidant person. Things were just lukewarm for the rest of the night. She was back to feeling super anxious about all the things we were going through and I was back to feeling like garbage. My anxiety was through the roof. My heart was beating like I was running away from a tiger. I felt sick to my stomach.
I wanted to beat myself up to a pulp. My internal monologue went straight into self-hatred mode. "Why are you like this? This is all your fault. Things were fine, but your sensitive, fragile ass just had to have a moment, right? You couldn't just enjoy the present moment. You couldn't take two seconds to calm your nervous system down before overreacting. Now she probably feels like she has to walk on eggshells around you. She probably thinks you're a baby. You're not a real man. A real man wouldn't throw a childish tantrum like this over a silly fucking joke. You just gave her the ick. You triggered her, and now she's anxious and feeling like crap, and so are you. You just can't have nice things, can you? You have to self-sabotage, don't you?"
I didn't give into the monologue. I took ten minutes to record a voice note to myself, speaking to myself as though I was a friend. I told myself that while I may have overreacted, I did the right thing by taking accountability and apologizing. I also reminded myself that what I had done was far from a "tantrum." I didn't scream, shout, break stuff, or name-call. I didn't blame her, hold it against her for the rest of the night, or stonewall.
The issue that I am dealing with and have always dealt with in these situations is the intense feelings of shame and guilt that come about after these moments. In addition, I feel like I can never truly validate my feelings. Sure, I recorded that voice note as an exercise to try to rewire that awful, abusive self-talk in my head, but I still felt like the whole situation was entirely my fault. I still sort of blame myself for how she is feeling now. I blame myself for disrupting a moment of peace and well-being in our relationship. And I also know that I am prone to self-sabotage, so that makes it even more difficult to find the middle ground between taking responsibility for my actions and validating my feelings.
Was I being extra? Was I really overreacting? Is my insecure attachment causing me to overanalyze or interpret my girlfriend's actions after the initial episode I had? Did she really invalidate how I was feeling by asking the "who hurt you?" question in a somewhat sarcastic way as well as telling me that it was ridiculous of me to get angry at such a thing? Was I really being unfair to her by reacting how I did? Is my nervous system just picking up on a pattern of invalidating behaviour and the anger after the 'who hurt you?' comment is a natural reaction to that? It is the morning after that situation, and I am feeling rather distant towards her. I feel almost sick in my stomach. As though I'm seeing a side to her that I shouldn't ignore. But again, I think as people with insecure attachments we have this tendency to either put people on an insane pedestal to which they will inevitably fall short of or label any behaviour as a 'red flag'.
I'm not looking for a pity party. I want honest opinions, please. If I was really in the wrong, I want to hear that perspective.
EDIT: I left this part out for the sake of brevity but I thought I should include this to give a more accurate account of what led to my outburst. When she said, "I'll punch you in the face", I replied by saying "Lol I'd like to see you try that." She replied by saying "What? Are you going to punch me back?" And I said, "Of course not, I'd never lay a finger on you. You just wouldn't see my face ever again after that." Everything went a downhill after that.
TL;DR:
Things have been touch and go with my girlfriend due to resurfacing issues and long-distance challenges. Last night on FaceTime, she joked about punching me in the face, which upset me as I'm sensitive to violent language. I expressed my discomfort, and she responded with a sarcastic "who hurt you?" This reminded me of a past abusive relationship. I took a break to calm down and apologized, but she called my reaction "ridiculous." She became cold afterward, making me anxious and self-critical. Now, I feel conflicted, wondering if my reaction was an overreaction or if her responses were invalidating. Am I overanalyzing due to my insecure attachment style, or is this a red flag? Seeking honest opinions.

First of all, sorry for my broken English. Not my native language. Please point out if something isn't clear!
TL;DR we’re rushing things and don’t know how to slow down
It's a nice story tbh. We met 10 years ago, we were in the same friend group. He had a big crush on me but I was a crazy ass 19 y.o. who didn't really care about boys, also I was planning to move to another city (500 km away) - and I did. So in the past 10 years we lost contact, albeit being friends on social media and stuff, and sometimes we would casually meet on nights out with our friends when I came home to visit.
While I was making the rounds of Southern Europe, he started a relationship that lasted approx. 7 years. They were living together and stuff. She's a nice girl, I remember meeting her a couple of times, but she's got a lot of "social" issues that made living together very hard for the both of them. She was in constant need of his presence, and for the last 1.5 year of their relationship he felt more like a father to her than a boyfriend (PLEASE NOTE I have nothing against her and I dont want to make her look bad because SHE'S NOT. If this info wasn't important for the story I wouldn't have shared that). He left her in December 2023, the main reason being that he wanted the relationship to "grow up", think of a family, a bigger house, dogs, kids... but she couldn't even keep a job so he ended things more or less in a friendly manner after trying and trying.
3 months later, in March, I liked a pic he posted on facebook, he sent me a message asking if I was back for good (I am) and basically asked me out on a date. And MAN WHAT A DATE. Everything was perfect, we laughed to the tears, you know when you feel something has clicked and now everything is in its right place? Yeah. We both felt that. So we jumped on this loveboat ride and everything has been great, but we were really rushing things, like I started staying there for the night during the week (aided by the fact that his apartment is 10 mins from my office so it was also covenient for me), he met my parents (by accident tho honestly that wasn't planned, but still) I met his mother, his coworkers, also his boss! He got drunk with my dad! (That was fun haha). I thought that we were rushing things too much but I brushed it off thinking "don't ruin it, if it feels right then let it be", but eventually it came out during a talk we had. We both acknowledged that we'd been getting ahead of ourselves and this was making him uncomfortable, because he didn't really want to end up in another relationship right after ending a 7 year long one, at the same time he thinks what we have is precious and we should cherish it. He wants to see and have a future with me but also wants to take things slow. I agreed, and being the pragmatic little demon I am I had prepared a list of things I thought we should do/stop doing, such as sleeping there on weeknights, parents involved etc, to which he agreed. Also I noticed that he was kind of... I don't really know how to explain, projecting? his ex's persona on me. I noticed that when he was on morning shift (starts at 6 a.m.) and I had spent the night at his apartment, he'd be very worried about me not getting up on time to go to work at 8 (like his ex did) and asked me to send him a message as soon as I woke up. Another thing, there has been a weekend when I was sick, it wasn't that bad, I just had a stomach ache and nausea and needed to go to the bathroom a lot. Well that day it looked like I couldn't even walk for him, he wanted me to stay at home while he was buying the groceries to cook for lunch even though I said I was fine and a trip to the supermarket wouldn't have killed me. I reckon that's because his ex was like that. But I'm not. I'm really an independent person, I've been living by myself for the past six years, I can look after myself! And even though it's lovely to have someone who cares about you, that just felt like having a nanny and not a boyfriend (we also talked about this).
Aprt from that our relationship is great, we discuss things as adults, every discussion/argument ends with a common point. I love this. Also he's the sweetest.
But after the talk we had, and the things we both agreed on, Sunday night we were watching a movie together on his sofa, the movie was over and I said "oh it's 10 pm, I gotta go" and he was like "why don't you just stay here for the night? Your office is basically across the street" I told him that that's exactly what we agreed to avoid, he insisted a bit but then I left.
Now, I don't know what else to do to slow things down apart from to ones I listed and furthermore I don't know how to help him with all of this. He's confused and I can see that, but I trust him and if he said he really cares about our relationship then so it is.
What do you think? What should I do?
Thank you for reading.

just looking for other ppls perspectives maybe support idk idk what to do
~rant/vent~
🔍I had pretyped this just ranting then I realized i can post it anonymously here bc i’m really struggling and would like some outside advice human to human feels like i’m gaslighting myself lol. They have supported me and given me everything I need materialistically and do what they are supposed to as parents in that aspect I am very grateful and appreciative of that. in no way shape or form will I ever complain ab them giving me food, shelter, clothes etc. I’m not seeking to be coddled or get sympathy either i just need to know if it really is that bad or am I tripping.
🔬emotionally manipulative & guilt tripping parents will be their own demise. lol. finally dropping that mask you have with them, making them look at themselves and see the torment i had to mentally internalize & take on over the years > sitting back & letting them continue their behavior and control to keep destroying your identity & self continuing to deal with immense shame, guilt, sadness, and anger because you know how they are and you think theres no point in opening up to them or telling them what they do wrong bc they always do the same shit & continue to blame you for everything. note this though when I finally released all my years of internalized emotions on them and started texting them very knowledgeable shit about themselves, how they treated me, my mom trying to control and ruin me and my girlfriends relationship when we first got together (+ we have continued to be together for 1yr and 3 months still going strong she ain’t ruin shiiiit) & shit talked my gf for no reason at all. When I started texting paragraph after paragraph (+ texting them back and forth.) I was met with my mom thinking something isn’t right regarding my mental health and telling my dad and brother she thinks something is wrong with me again (she was surprised how I could speak so knowledgeable bc I barely even interact with them anymore) them texting my phone asking if everything is okay and they are worried ab me (she’s also made many comments before this situation like “you seem like you need to get back on ur medication you’re being irritable” etc when clearly that was the correct response to some fucked up comment she made i’m sick of that shit.) (sorry that was lowkey irrelevant but holy shit). them throwing what they do for me as PARENTS in my face, blame shifting, manipulation, lying, her saying she has no acknowledgment of ever treating me like that over the years, trying to ruin our relationship, or saying any of the vile shit she said about my gf. OH and how she thought It couldn’t possibly be me that’s writing these exceptional level paragraphs and she thought my gf was controlling me and making me send all of that to my parents(me texting her ab this shit went on for like 3 days, 3 days of her not taking accountability for anything, lying, trying to manipulate by making me feel bad as well and she had the nerve to say “it feels like i’m being abused” GIRLLL STOPPP HUH im still confused ab that one) it’s honestly sickening and baffling knowing ppl can think & say shit like that. i’ve been so detached from them since I was little (never knew why at the time) but THIS makes that detachment 100x worse and I feel like that’s a GOOD thing for me even though the outcome wasn’t what I wanted, bc i’m feeling free, released, not pint-up, etc most importantly more like I can finally be MYSELF!!! i’m way more comfortable in who I am and my Identity now at 19 could you imagine that like damn (just hoping it’s not temporary)!!! just putting this out there in hopes that someone else going through the same thing or similar will see and maybe help them a little. now i just gotta move out.
⚛️ she can’t see how what she says to people effects them drastically and takes 0 responsibility and acknowledgement of doing so and passes it off as “you don’t know me” “i’m a good person” “i have a good heart i love everybody” etc or blame everything on me for examples “we do everything for you” “you’re going to treat us like that when we sacrificed so much for you” etc um .. yeah they signed up for that when they decided to have a child so it’s fucked up to throw that in my face. THEN she loves to do this the most playing the victim card “you’re abusing me” “it feels like you are abusing me” “we feel like we can’t say anything right we are always walking on eggshells around you it’s exhausting” she knows damn well I’m not abusing her in any way shape or form that’s disrespectful to many people who actually had to go through and endure actual abuse. “do you want to hurt us? is that your goal” “you’re destroying the family” “you’re destroying our marriage” etc literally used to be all the timmmme when i was going through sh and stuff too. i didn’t do anything wronggggg all I did was speak up for myself FOR ONCE (bc it’s been YEARS) ab the shit she does and how i’m not okay with it i internalize literally everything (that’s y it took years. just sick of their shit idk what to do). low and behold after all that expressing I get met with all that blame shifting and lying. the reason why i never open up to her is bc when I do ever since i was little she always blamed me and made it seem like this whole other thing so hell yeah i’d rather internalize then talk to her that’s a way better option than getting met with guilt tripping and shit what else could I do but internalize n doing that fucked my head up BAD. there are MANY more examples of what else she would say and my dad too but i really think he’s brainwashed by her so idk that’s just off the top of my head .. lmao. she makes me feel so insaneee i even feel like i’m exaggerating and making a big deal n being too sensitive writing all this😵‍💫. there’s SO MUCH more context but fuck all that i typed enough. thx for coming to my ted talk🕷️.
🤢they are both closeted RACIST and openly HOMOPHOBIC so you can imagine what they say/have said to me and about other ppl. shit makes me so AHHH. anyways.

Yesterday I found out that my long distance crush and bff met her bf, she used to tell me that she made out with him and yesterday she said something that broke me to an extent I don't think I can recover from. She told me that they met in the morning and that was the best makeout of her life!!! Idk what to say I haven't replied to her yet I feel like a loser.
What hurts me the most since the day I met her (online, haven't met her IRL yet) she has been the nicest person to me she says I LOVE YOU to me everyday I get it's different when u say that to a friend but she has sent me 500+ pics of her hy herself I couldn't help myself but fall for her. She didn't liked when I talk abt different girls. She hates jy every female friend (even today).
She used to call me everyday for hrs but now she doesn't. She wanted to meet me but now she doesn't she refused that was really unexpected for me so I had to go to her city roam around all day and came back at night coz I had already booked the tickets.
She knows that I love her and when I confessed to her she said she doesn't want to be in a relationship it's just not her thing and all I understood. But one day she tells me that she made out with her neighbour who's her childhood friend. Months later she met her ex who has ghosted her and they kissed she didn't told me abt it she told me after few days that they are back together. I knew something was off between us coz the person who says that she loves me everyday didn't even wished me on my b'day despite knowing how imp it was for me coz I literally had no friends at that time. When I didn't replied to her she realised and wrote a paragraph but the damage was already done ig. A month later I made a special video for her bday she told me everyone was there but the person she adores the most wasn't (yes, she said she was talking about me) she spent the day with her bf.
The problem is she has broken up and got back with him multiple times during these 4-5 months and always tells me abt her relationship details coz she claims I'm her bff if anything happens in her life she would come running to me. She wants me to stay with her as a friend as long as possible. Even I can't stop talking to her coz I literally love her. She texts ne she feels lonely she feels anxious she texts me at midnight and I've to be there.
I do understand that I can't force her to choose me and I'm even okay to be her friend and always be with her but she keeps talking abt her bf and relationship even tho I told her to plz not talk abt him but she still does that. This whatever thing I'm having with her is killing me I can't think of anything else I can't look at couples without thinking of her and her bf I can't watch romantic movies songs anything I feel so down I cry all night. I don't know how to get out of this I've tried meeting new girls but it's just not working out I can't get her out of my head. I feel so worthless I literally feel pain in my heart (sounds cringe but true).
EDIT: I'm 20 She's 17 and We're from different religions (me H she M) and also once she told me that she when she meets me she wants to kiss me and if she's single till 25 she'll marry me!!! Me started imagining as I would've finished my med school by that age🙂

Throwaway here
Up until a few days ago I (39m) was dating/just establishing a relationship with a single mother (41f). We have been seeing each other for just over 2 months. Not a long time I know but the ease in which we connected really felt very unique and different than past relationships. A fact she acknowledged more than once. We share similar perspectives, find enjoyment in many of the same things, equally dorky and awkward. We really felt in sync.
I know the intensity of feelings I felt towards her were disproportionate, in a typical sense, to the amount of time we spent/knew each other. When speaking with friends I even said it was stupid I felt this strength of connection so quickly. I know it's easy to think I was naive or seeing things that weren't there, but I am confident that's not the case. There were real reciprocation of feelings and intensity in moments that we both identified. I think I communicate well, I am clear, and understanding, and a good listener. She really appreciated this quality and as such was very open and clear about her feelings towards me as well. Saying things like how she's never dated someone like me (I've been through some shit, did therapy, became pretty emotionally intelligent and self-reflective as a result), telling me how appreciative she is for me, gave me a card stating this on the day she started to pull back actually, how my touch gives her tingles. Straight up telling me a week before how she really likes me.
Yes we were intimate a few times. Intense and mutually satisfying, had improtu spicy chats during the day including the day before we last saw each other. On top of her words and discussions there were actions that also spoke to her really being serious about the connection we were developing. She happens to live right next to her parents and her sisters family. Now she could have kept me separate from all that, but she didn't. I met her sister pretty early on when having a date night at her house. Then a week later she invites me to her sister's house for a little BBQ, was an excellent night. And I ended up meeting her parents too. Not by happenstance either, but rather here come inside my parents house and say hello. And she was having conversations with her son about me and trying to get him comfortable with the idea of meeting me. I even helped her move appliances with her and her dad 3 days before the pull back and 1 week before she ended it. I even installed the washer and dryer for her, then encouraged her to go to an event for her son right after I got done, without me. I didn't do it for any other reason than I really liked her and acts of service are one of the ways I show how I care and it made me feel good to do it, to be there for her. This all has a certain connotation or level of seriousness in a relationship all in its own.
My emotions fed off of her words and actions, maybe my openness and honesty felt like a bit much at times, like I was oversharing. But it was honest and reciprocated every time. There were palpable moments of electricity between us.
Then came the pull back...she is a nurse who works 12 hour shifts and has shared custody of her son. I work a typical m-f schedule. So as we are building this whatever it was, spending time together was a challenge sometimes. I completely respect her keeping me separate from her son until the time was right, never pushed, always accepted that her role as a mother comes first.
So she asks me if I want to do dinner at my house for this past Tuesday. Tuesday is my golf night, but I made an effort to go to work early, leave early, get my match done early so we can have a nice evening. I even took the morning off in case we were up late, so we could maybe wake up next to each other and enjoy sometime together in the morning. She was really excited about this, or rather implied that she was. Even had the spicy talk the day before.
Then she arrives and I can tell something is off. Shes not as receptive to my touch, dynamic is off. After dinner we sit on the couch and she breaks down in tears. She's feeling like we are moving fast, she feels like our texting is taking away from time with her son, wants to dial it back. She has her son for a 5 day stint starting the next day, doesn't want to feel tethered to her phone, wants to feel present. Okay, I get it, respect it, no problem at all. She then tells me about how her divorce went down, kind of wild and not exactly how she made it seem at first. She definitely still is working through that stuff and the ex dynamic is poor and I think he bullies her and knows her buttons. I straight up told her that if I was her partner I would be there and defend her and not let his bullshit slide (maturely, I'm 40 and don't need to be physical). She did say a few times that she was always waiting for the other shoe to drop with us because of her past relationship trauma. But guys, I have no other shoe. I'm a god damn gentleman doing his best to operate in a time when women are more independent, and I support it and respect it.
I send her an email the following day apologizing if I came in to strong, I believe in what we are building, I respect boundaries and her and all her terrific attributes. She responds by saying it was beautiful and she looks forward to moving forward with me. I also suggest phone calls or Video chats in lieu of texting moving forward. And I assured her I didn't need to be in contact 24/7 and that I like my independence as well.
Over the next couple days I let her lead the conversation. If she texted I responded. Typically it wasn't immediately but within 15 minutes unless I myself was busy. I wouldn't try and engage in long discussions. Just little check ins it seemed like. Then her text style changed again, less frequent, no emoji, no real engagement from her in to my activities. I felt it coming.
She was ill over these past few days with bronchitis and was having her period, she felt cruddy and I felt bad I couldn't be there for her like I wanted to. I would ask how she was doing, if she needed anything. Her response was that I was sweet but she could manage. But she began to not ask me about what I was up to, or really engage much at all.
Saturday she ends it, says she hasn't really put all her focus on being a mom since her divorce (4 years ago), she made some relationship mistakes post divorce, still healing, really wants to be there for her son (kid sounds amazing btw). But okay, yeah I am bummed but I respect it. What else can I do right? Kid comes first, I get it.
But you know what really bothered me is that when asked about what we were felt for each other, if it was real, she denies we had this special connection and that she thinks she was forcing it....so my long winded question here is... After all that, does that sound like she was forcing it? She said she felt there was an incompatibility but couldn't identify what it was. She's sorry for leading me on, then tells me not to lose her number. Like wtf? I think she is either lying to herself to make herself feel better or there is something else going on. My hypothesis is that our potential scared her, she doesn't want to get big time hurt again and is anxious about it and somebody put the bug in her ear that the feelings she is having is because she is forcing it (she mentioned a comment a coworker made to this extent about it being forced because she wasnt as giddy as she had been, I think she was fearful and this person labeled it as force). I say this because it all doesn't make sense, I am probably wrong, help me make sense of this, please.
Tl;Dr built a wicked connection with a woman, have evidence it wasn't one sided, special connection, met her parents, installed her appliances, got dumped a week later and was told it wasn't real but forced.