Asian girls groped hard

Hello,
The reason I’m posting this is really for one reason; to clear up any sort of misinformation and misunderstandings of what the DSVA experience was like, but also to speak on other NATSAP program experiences since so many people here believe that these programs are nothing more than “labor camps” and “punishments for youth”.
Allow me to clear the air a little.
Now, I’m not here to discredit anyone’s negative experience or to say your experience wasn’t traumatic in any way. I’m not here to tell you that you can’t feel the way you feel about these places. My condolences go to the family’s or friends that have lost a loved one because of these programs. May they rest in peace.
I’m here to shed some light on this topic in a perspective, from someone that lived it, that maybe you haven’t considered yet.
Let me start by sharing a lil info about me. My name is Ian. I am 23 years old. Born and raised in Wisconsin later moved to North Carolina where I live today. My life hasn’t been all sunshine and rainbows. If I were to go into full detail of all the major life events that led me to who I am today, it would probably take me a whole day to share completely the full “trauma” of my “troubled youth”. Nobody likes that guy anyway, so I’ll spare you the bullshit.
Here’s some credibility to the naysayer’s, who I’m sure are gonna ride me up and down for this post.
Lacrosse juvenile detention center (WI): 14-15 years old In and out for weeks-months
New vision wilderness program (WI): 15 years old 3 months
Winnebago mental health institute (WI): 15 years old 1 month
New vision wilderness program (WI): (Yes I went a second time) 15 years old 2 months
Montford Hall residential substance abuse treatment center and therapeutic boarding school for boys (NC): 15-16 years old 6 months (Court ordered for a year, kicked out for being unmanageable)
Second nature/blue ridge wilderness program (GA): 16 years old 1 month
Mission hospital Copestone (NC): 16 years old 2 weeks
Discovery School of Virginia for boys (VA): 16-17 years old 1 year
In total:
1 - juvenile detention center 2 - psych wards 3 - wilderness programs 2 - boarding schools
I wasn’t at home from the age of 15-17 years old. All my birthdays and holidays were spent in some jail cell, institution, or some program somewhere in the middle of nowhere.
Calling ourselves survivors is absurd. There was never any real danger to your life, you and I both know that. (Again, this is directed more towards the people that have either attended some of the same programs/treatments or have attended a place very similar to it.) Especially at DSVA or any wilderness program.
We were fed three times a day with edible food, full portions, even including snacks now and then. We were given clean drinking water. We were able to practice good hygiene, like brushing your teeth twice a day, taking warm showers, given clean towels and clothes that bested the outdoors, even toilet paper to wipe your own ass. Our sleep schedule was better than that of what we have today, at least 8 hours of sleep. I remember having about 10 hours of sleep every single night. And no matter where we laid our head at night, we always had something over us to protect us from the elements. Whether it was a tarp, a tent, or for the lucky ones, a literal roof.
Everything that I have just listed above is every humans basic needs for survival. Something the programs I attended always made sure we had. To call ourselves survivors means we were battling death in order to live. When was there ever a situation at these programs where you were in a life or death scenario? Coming from someone that has hiked in -20 degree blizzards of northern wisconsin and worked in 90 degree humidity in the clay of Virginia, sounds pretty over dramatic buddy.
When I first heard of people calling themselves “survivors” that went to similar programs as me, I had to laugh. It’s such a ridiculous thing to say and I always get second hand embarrassment. I have never once in my life considered myself a “survivor” of these programs because if it wasn’t for ME and MY ACTIONS, I wouldn’t be there in the first place.
The only logical explanation I would accept for anyone here wallowing in their own self-pity is that you didn’t actually work the program. What I mean by that is that you “faked it till you made it” and you put on this smile pretending everything was all good in your world so that nobody called on you when it came time to work on yourself.
To tell you the truth, we used to pick on kids like that in my group. You were perceived as weak by your group mates if you couldn’t talk about the things that hurt you, especially with a bunch of guys that your forced to live with everyday. If you didn’t want to fess up to your issues, we made sure to call a group meeting so you could get that off your chest. Why? Because it’s not about you. It’s about the group, and if one man has a bad day, then the whole group has a bad day. We’re not saying you can’t have a bad day, but we’re not gonna let you slow down the group because of it.
That was group Dakota DSVA 2016-17 right there baby. We were always on top, always eating in the lodge, never had some kid ruining our fun because we didn’t rock with that selfish crap. You want to cry about having to dig out a tree stump with Mr. Outland all day or push wheelbarrows all day? Tough luck kid, we all had to do it at one point or another. Grow a pair and keep your head up.
Most of the kids that complained about everything were the rich kids with daddy’s money who never spent a night outside their bougie gated community. LOL. You know who you are. All mad because their parents wouldn’t let their spoiled kid buy drugs with their money anymore. Sorry you got “gooned” buddy. Each time I showed up to a program I was in shackles and chains, cry harder.
Some people here will probably think what I’ve said so far is insensitive, maybe even harsh, but I ask you, what good does it do you to complain constantly about what happened to you in the past? Have you benefited from whining about what happened to you at these places?
I used to think and react the same way you people did not too long ago. I used to have that victim mentality. I’d walked around crying “woe is me”, but nothing changed. The world kept spinning and I felt like I was left behind in a world that could never understand the mental anguish I received from these “horrible” places.
Turns out I was right, they could never understand. Why? Because they never experienced it, but we did. That makes us stronger in so many ways. I used to feel sad that I never took a cute girl to prom, only to realize that while people were finishing up high school in some boring class, I was going from state to state backpacking and hiking for miles. Living outside for months on end, battling the elements, making amazing friends, reaching new destinations and seeing amazing views. I was doing things that my peers today will probably never get to experience in their lifetime. It gave me a feeling of pride that I still cherish to this day. I wouldn’t want it any other way.
It hurt not being home. I hated my parents for allowing the courts to keep sending me to these places. I refused to write them, but I knew it wasn’t their fault. It was me who put myself in those programs, not the court, not my family, I alone made my life that way, because of my actions. Not being able to be at home with my sister, who grew up without her older brother for 3 years, that broke my heart. When my parents were allowed to visit me it was a special occasion full of celebration, especially when I got to see my little sister again. All my hard work to see my family each time made me feel not just accomplished, but a happiness that I rarely feel today. It reminds me of how grateful I am for my family, and forgiving me for the hell that I put them through in my former years.
I used to think I deserved an apology for what I went through. I’ve taken my accountability, where’s the sympathy for me? I blamed everyone else for what happened to me, and maybe there’s some truth in that, but when I considered how I got to these programs it made me realize how wrong I was. I used to think the reason I was in those programs was because my parents didn’t want to parent me, or that the court system failed me.
Nah, it’s because I was a troubled kid. With a lot of anger and a lot of pain that no ordinary therapist could even begin to scratch the surface of. I needed that tough love that I never got, and if it wasn’t for these programs, I wouldn’t be who I am today. Someone who is happy with what they’ve got.
Anyways, take what you will from all of this. I just wanted to put this out there for the world to see in case somebody sees it and realizes they relate to it. Our past doesn’t have to define us, and it can make us warriors instead of victims. Nobody’s gonna make that decision for you. It’s up to you to create a brighter future.

Ok so this one might be my fault. I was walking around outside with my grandfather. I always try to have more productive conversations with him when I can. At first it was going really well. We were talking about whales and he expressed how large fishing boats were causing unnecessary deaths. I thought this was really good progress, so I was thinking I could push a bit harder today.
We ended up walking past some people talking in another language, and he expressed how much it annoyed him that those people weren't speaking English.
Me: Well, in most school systems, you have to learn an extra language, they take it a lot more seriously than we do here
Gp: They all know more than one language?
Me: Well at least most of them. I wish I had been taught another language because I want to communicate with other people
Gp: who do you need to communicate with in another language?
Me: Well on my university campus, there's a lot of Asian students, so many people are more fluent in Chinese, Japanese or Korean than English
(I know that those aren't the actual names and that they do not represent the span of languages spoken in Asian countries. I called them this to keep it on easy mode. China -> Chinese is a much easier thing for him to figure out)
Gp: You have students from all those different places?
Me: Yes we do, one of my roommates was Korean this year
Gp: Ah, a china man
Me: No, Korean
Gp: Which one is that?
Me: You've probably seen it on the news as North and South Korea
Gp: So your roommate was from North Korea?
Me: No we only have students from South Korea, North Korea is the one with a dictator
Gp: China is the one with a dictator.
Me: No, China is the one with the communist government, North Korea only has Kim Jong Un which is just one guy
Gp: And they don't send any of their students to University
Me: No, life there is very hard, a lot of people are starving
Gp: Why are they starving? China will feed them
Me: Well, there's not enough food for everyone, and they have sanctions against them so people aren't really trading with them
Gp: Why do they have sanctions?
Me: Well they have a lot of nuclear arms and people want those to be dismantled
Gp: Oh, I remember what Korea is now, they're the ones who bombed Japan.
For those that don't know, America bombed Japan. I gave up on that point, and we started talking about something else. I love my grandfather a lot, even though it's really hard to talk to him sometimes. I think the fact that he made it through that conversation without using a slur is a good sign of progress.

A little backstory my best friend died two weeks ago. It’s been really hard for me
Recently, we got our yearbooks and I was so happy because I knew my best friend would be in there. I remember we did a photo together and was hoping it would be put in the yearbook and it was
Friends with my best friend followed me on TikTok now. I am not friends with this girl and I don’t really like her as drama tends to follow her everywhere. She goes but no bad blood between us. We just don’t talk
I noticed she followed me on TikTok and I checked her profile, realized she was using the photo of me and my Bestie from the yearbook as her profile picture and it makes me a bit uncomfortable all the photos you could’ve used my Bestie you picked the one with me and her kind of weird
In her TikTok post, she’s made some for my Bestie I saw that there’s a photo of her and my bestie that she could’ve used for the profile picture for her account
I feel kind of uncomfortable on why she would be using a photo of me and my best friend as her profile picture it’s uncomfortable. Why not use a different one why with me and her? It’s just something I don’t understand.
I asked my boyfriend if I was overthinking, but he said it does seem weird, especially if she has a photo with my best friend
I don’t know if I should reach out to her or not because I don’t want drama or trouble to start as it follows her everywhere she goes so what should I do? What are your thoughts?

Sauron, sitting in his black seat in the midst of the Temple, had laughed when he heard the trumpets of Ar-Pharazôn sounding
...and there was a wild party in the Temple and in the Palace, while the pyres burnt and Ar-Pharazôn's entire family was being butchered, with Miriel having to flee. A party of Sauron's most trusted Numenorean servants, who were seduced by him and swayed by promises of freedom, revenge or power... once the island is theirs alone (= half of the cast on the show, many of whom started out sympathetic)
and again he had laughed when he heard the thunder of the storm
...and the party rages on, money are counted, conscriptions in the colonies discussed, moving the main seat of power to Middle-earth, new order under the supreme rule of Sauron emerges
and a third time, even as he laughed at his own thought, thinking what he would do now in the world, being rid of the Edain for ever, he was taken in the midst of his mirth
... panic erupts, walls are crumbling, everything starts shaking, but Sauron still laughs, as if on drugs, consumed by his thoughts, only to slowly in utter disbelief change his expression, or maybe he still laughs, in utter disbelief, to contain his own fears - all of his new designs and a few 'friends' he planned on keeping are... utterly ruined
and his seat and his temple fell into the abyss.
... or maybe, for now, some of them fell into the basement level, bloodied and bruised. People keep dying and the holy statues erected for the god of "freedom" crumble.
A certain hot girl, madly in love with the High Priest - because he's hot and gentle sometimes, plus maybe "I can fix him!" syndrome, plus maybe he had such a great excuse for every depraved thing they were doing together all in the name of the lord of freedom, and he literally changed her life, saved her family from the king, saved her from abuse and whatnot, so she fell into his embrace... - she holds out her hand to him screaming his sweet name, this is it, the icing on the cake in their romantic arc, all be damned, at least they can escape together somewhere safe and she will be at his side...
... and Sauron doesn't even look at her, like she never existed, maybe still laughing madly in disbelief and anger while his body suffers damage.
But Sauron was not of mortal flesh, and though he was robbed now of that shape in which he had wrought so great an evil, so that he could never again appear fair to the eyes of Men, yet his spirit arose out of the deep and passed as a shadow and a black wind over the sea, and came back to Middle-earth and to Mordor that was his home.
Everyone who stuck with Sauron feels miserable and betrayed in the end, only Miriel who was a fairly sympathetic character and never wavered, despite brute force (and possibly rape), finally feels truly free and at ease, even though she is sad to see her home destroyed, but goes down at ease and with dignity.
I mean... a perfect dramatic ending... a perfect rough script... and a whole assembly of 'fallen' characters brutally going down, characters who you feel deeply conflicted about in a complex love/pity/hate way, even though they crossed some serious boundaries and done some terrible things, but yet you still pity for them, Sauron corruption at its best = these were not just some twirly mustache villains, even though they engaged in human sacrifice
If only there were showrunners embraced by Tolkien Estate and with plans to adapt the story of Númenor...
... I'm sorry what? That RoP thing run by some amateurs? Yeah, sure, whatever, nobody will care when that entire cast gets cast down to the bottom of the ocean, literally total indifference. And it'll hardly resemble Tolkien anyway, so again, total indifference...

Hi, so I'm dating a new guy right now and I just recently realized all his women friends are asian (Yes I was going down his instagram followers list). He does not have any asian guy friends. We're not serious yet and haven't had in-depth conversations, but I want to look out for any signs. I also have a history of being played by a guy who "collected" asian girls of certain nationality so I'm kind of wary.
Edit: A few more contexts. He also goes to travel asian countries a lot and is into anime. He liked it a lot when he found out I could speak Japanese. He's white and from a very conservative state. All of these seem like red flags to me, so I wanted to know other perspectives.

“You BROKE the jewel?”
———
Hi, all! I’m Ollie, and I’m been rewatching Inuyasha and I’ve been dying to create a fantasy world inspired (basically the plot…) by the world with our own twist.
A woman falls into the feudal era, being the reincarnation of some mythical figure or a previous human. She’s met with a half demon after a powerful jewel, but the two are attacked by another demon and mistakenly, the girl shatters the jewel and the two go on a quest to reunite the shards. (AKA… the plot of Inuyasha). I think it would be fun to do our own twist on the story!
A few rules and regulations!

• I’m 20 years old. • Please be communicative! I’m autistic and have bipolar, so sometimes I suck at replying but I usually make this known. • I like to make friends! I’ll send playlists, pinboards, love making headcanons! It’s hard to invest in a roleplay if I struggle to connect with the other person! • I primarily write female or nonbinary characters against males. I don’t care about your gender out of character! 

—-
Now that that’s out of the way, I’m excited to hear from you all!

Why is it so hard to find fanfiction with a female mc and lemons without it being yuri? Even the ones where the mc is bi is usually focused on being with girls. And I don’t mean straight up porn, I mean stories that feature sex without being revolved around it. I’m currently very into the worm verse and almost all fem mcs are either into tattletale (whom I find loathesome) or panacea. And if the MC is straight then the stories are usually very modest (not sure if that’s the right word) when it comes to sexuality. I’ve noticed this in many fandoms so I’m curious as to why. My current theory is that it’s mostly written by guys who are more comfortable with the idea of being transformed into a lesbian rather than a straight woman.

The stress of the last six months has nearly killed me. Besides the general cratering of the outside world—political strife, climate change, inflated rents, corporate greed, and the baffling resurgence of crew socks—my internal life was falling apart, too. I'm at the point where I can't see a way out of the darkness, and that feeling has only grown in the last few days.
My struggles ramped up exponentially in the last two weeks. It started when my long-term girlfriend and I called it quits after five years. There was no definitive relationship-altering fight or infidelity. It was simply the boring banality of the "roommate-ification" of our lives together. We both felt the shift but never talked about it. Turns out communication is important.
Truthfully, we'd stayed together for so long because we couldn't afford to live apart. Our rent had nearly doubled the last time we re-upped our lease but even that was a bargain compared to what was out there currently. We were trapped by our need to have a roof over our heads.
My job had stagnated, and I couldn't find anything better. I was stuck. Like me, she'd been job hunting as well. Unlike me, she had a master's, and her prospects should've been higher. They weren't. For five months, she applied to hundreds of jobs and couldn't break through. If she got a rejection email, it was a win. Most of the time, the companies never responded.
Finally, she found a great opportunity at a Fortune 500 company. It was an involved process. She nailed the five interviews, and her "test project" was well received. She was offered the position, and it came with a massive pay increase—double her current salary. I was proud of her—she needed a win. We celebrated with pizza and beer that night.
Two days later, she dropped the bomb that she was breaking things off. The relationship ending wasn't a surprise. The timing was. The discussion was brief, and there was zero chance of reconciliation. She declined when I asked if she could stay until the lease ended. Mentally, it would've been too much for her. Two days after that, she moved out, taking half the rent with her. I was stuck in a lease I couldn't afford on my salary for the next six months.
My free time evaporated as I took on two extra gigs to help make ends meet. In addition to my office nine to five, I drove for a delivery app on the weekends and took a part-time night job stocking shelves at a local grocery store. When I wasn't hustling for housing, I slept or ate. I did nothing beyond that. Nothing brings me joy. There is no spark.
This drudgery has become my daily routine, and it's killing me.
To help cover some cost gaps, I've started selling off some of my stuff online. It was just me here, and I decided that the Spartan lifestyle would have to work for now. Anything I could fetch a decent amount for went up for sale. My apartment is so empty now every noise causes an echo.
Before my shift at the grocery store, I agreed to meet someone who wanted to take a look at my kitchen table. It was a lovely table – my ex had obsessed over it – but I didn't see a need at the moment. Now that I was a bachelor, my TV trays became my default kitchen tables anyway. I wasn't planning on any dinner parties in the future anyway.
A couple showed up later than they said they would. It was a bored-looking guy and a fastidious young woman. She made friendly small talk as she looked over the table. Her boyfriend (I think) stayed quiet and played bodyguard. I gave him a friendly nod at one point, and he just looked away. She said they'd take it without trying to talk me down. I took the small win.
She asked if I could help carry it down to their truck. I was running late, but feeling helpful, even for a fleeting few seconds, was worth it. Her silent boyfriend and I hauled the table through the hallway and even managed to avoid hitting the walls the entire way down.
I placed it in their truck, got my money, and turned to leave. The girl said thanks, and the boyfriend finally returned the nod. I gave a weird half-wave to them both and started to walk away when I heard the passenger window being rolled down.
"Hey man," the boyfriend said, his voice higher pitched than I thought it would. "What was up with your brother giving us the evil eye in the lobby when we got here?"
I turned around, "Huh? I don't have a brother."
"A cousin then?"
"My family lives about a thousand miles away. What happened in the lobby?"
"A dude that looked just like you was hiding in a dark hallway in the lobby and staring at my girl's ass."
"Jacob, really," she said.
"I'm sorry that happened, but I had nothing to do with it. We do have the occasional homeless guy meander in. Maybe you saw one of them," I said. "Did he say or do anything bad?"
"Jacob, I asked you to not say something," the girl said, burying her head in her hands.
Jacob's frosty attitude to me made sense now. "He said something about running up that ass. I dunno, he was mumbling. I told him I'd beat his ass if he didn't stop staring. Seemed to shut him up."
"Oh. Well, congrats," I said. "I'll tell the manager. Thanks for letting me know."
"You should do a better job keeping jokers like that out of the building."
"Jacob, he's not a security guard."
"He should still be a man and protect his home."
"Have a good night," I said, ending the conversation and heading back up to my apartment. I had about five minutes to change and head out before I'd be late. Last thing my ego needed was to be fired from my backup job.
Thankfully, I was able to slip into work and not get spotted by my boss. That was the last of the good news, though. We had a massive weekly order come in, which meant I'd be there late, plus someone had called out. Worse, our hand truck had a flat tire, and I spent the next few hours torturing my muscles, schlepping heavy boxes around the store. I soldiered on, counting down the minutes until I left and fantasizing about going to bed for the night.
If wishing for sleep wasn't a sad statement to my mental well-being, nothing was.
I came home after my shift at the grocery store and plopped down on the couch. I had contemplated selling it, but it was an older Ikea number, and I didn't think the value would replace my desire to sit. I could feel my body sink into the cushions, and the day's tension seep out. I was beat and tired to the point that turning on the TV was a chore.
I picked up my phone and thought I'd doomscroll until sleep overtook me. I didn't expect it to be a long scroll, as even the methadone that is my phone has failed me lately. As I lowered myself from a slumped position to a supine one, I heard footsteps outside my apartment door. This was not unusual, but the noise I heard sounded like kid footsteps. That was unusual, as nobody on our floor had kids, and it was almost midnight.
Despite my body screaming at me to not move, my brain suggested I check it out. I rolled myself off the couch and eventually stood up. I listened again and heard the kid running down the hallway. I walked over to my door and looked out the peephole. I didn't see anyone.
"Maybe I'm dreaming," I said to myself. "Maybe I'm not staring out a peephole, expecting to see a kid running down the hall at midnight, but instead, I'm cuddled up in my bed, snoozing." I pinched my arm and felt the pain. I was definitely in the waking world.
I turned to head back to the couch when I heard the running again, this time louder. I opened my door and peeked out into the hallway. Nobody was there. The door from the apartment across me opened up, too. Gloria, a young at heart grandma who was friendly/constantly buzzed in a wine mom kind of way, gave me a once over.
"You heard that, too?" she asked.
"Kids?"
"No rugrats around. I assumed it was some drunk assholes stumbling home from the bar."
I laughed. Gloria was, as always, blunt. "I didn't see any assholes," I said.
"Then you're not watching the right kind of internet videos," she said with a wink and a hoarse cackle.
I blushed. How do you respond to that? I just kind of nodded in agreement and shrugged.
"Gotta get your jollies while you can," she said before adding, "You need some rest, dear. You look like hammered shit." She shut her door and went back inside.
She was right. I felt like hammered shit. Since I wasn't going to solve the case of the mysterious runner and was sure it wasn't some lost kid, I decided to call it a night. I went back inside, shut down the apartment, and crawled into bed.
I thought about watching one of the "right kind of internet videos" but fell asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow.
***
"Your problem is you think the world owes you something."
John, my elderly coworker at the grocery store, was standing by while I unloaded a pallet of cereal. I liked John, and when I first started, we instantly clicked. He's quick with a joke and fun to talk to. He's also about thirty years older than me and speaks with the Boomer combination of accumulated wisdom, backhanded compliments, and fringe conspiracy nonsense. Still, regardless of how couched the kindness is in gobbledygook, he's usually coming from a good place.
"What?" I said, putting a box of Captain Crunch on the shelf.
"You're complaining about your situation, right? Saying it ain't fair. The world took a paddle to your hind quarters? Hey brother, that's the way the cookie crumbles. Gotta just pick yourself up and start over. You're smart enough – figured this job out right quick – you can do it."
The job was wheeling pallets around the store and stocking shelves. It wasn't much to figure out, but I understood his meaning. The other stuff wasn't necessary, though. "I'm just in a funk. I don't see a way forward."
"Hey, so you've bottomed out. No shame in that. Happens to us all. Silver lining, you can only go up," he said before adding, "Unless some other bad shit happens to you like your car dies or your apartment building burns down. But after that, it's only up."
"The apartment building burning down would be a blessing," I said, hoisting another little Captain on the shelf. "The rent is killing me."
"Have you tried negotiating a lower rent? They used to do that when I was your age."
"I think they'd evict me if I even asked."
"Hell, then you'd have at least thirty days, maybe forty, before they'd kick you out. Plenty of time to turn things around."
"Uh-huh," I said, "Any chance you could give me a hand here?"
"My back is screaming like a pretty young thing after prom," he said, holding his back for emphasis.
I didn't push. "Hey, I meant to tell you about some weird shit that happened the other night."
"Lay it on me. I love the strange."
"So, after my shift the other day, I got home around midnight and was flopped on the couch. I heard someone running down the hallway outside my apartment. I wasn't the only one. A few other neighbors heard it, too. When we checked, though, nobody was there."
"That ain't strange," John said, waving his hand, "that's a man who's plowing another man's wife running for his life."
I laughed. "That's not the weird part. So, for the next two nights, it's the same thing. Around midnight, someone runs down the hallway. Only this time, they're trying the door handles as they pass. So, I asked the front desk to check the security cameras, and they do."
"They see a man running away holding his clothes?"
"There wasn't anyone running down the hall," I said, "But the weird thing was, you could see the door handles turning on the video."
"Damn, that's a good one," John said, "You sure it wasn't just a camera glitch. These new ones from overseas aren't as reliable as they want you to think. Chinese probably using them to spy on you, too."
He continued as my brain tried to reconcile John's two opposing comments. "Weird shit happens at night, man. Before working here, I only worked the day shift. Even when they offered me more money to work nights, I turned it down. Even when they promised me a promotion, I turned them down."
In a previous life, John had worked as a paramedic. He came by it after serving in a medical unit in the army. He'd told me he loved the rush of the job, but after a while, the death and hurt in people's eyes got to be too much to handle. But he worked there for almost twenty years. So, the man had a tolerance for shenanigans and odd occurrences.
"Why'd you agree to work nights here?"
"Shit, we're home before the witching hour. This is like late afternoons, at best. But if it was overnights, hell no. Captain Crunch can anchor his own ship to the shelves. I'd take my ass to 7-11 for a day shift before agreeing to work an overnight."
"Something happen to you during the army?”
“I got the clap,” he offered.
I sighed. “What turned you off nights?"
"Oh. I heard enough stories from coworkers to know I didn't want to experience any of that hoo-doo shit," he said, "trying to save someone's life is hard enough without adding in demon kids and ghosts."
"Did your coworkers see demon kids?" I asked, moving on from the good Captain to the Trix rabbit.
He nodded, "They saw too much. I find it odd, even with all the surveillance we have now and all the science we know about these days, that the night still scares us. You ever know someone who worked a night shift?"
I had. My ex. During college, she worked the overnight desk at a hotel for a while. She quit because the job gave her bad vibes. I told John as much.
He pointed and laughed, "See! Don't you find it odd that every person who works at night always has a story of something eerie happening to them? Every person, buster. That's what they call an irrefutable fact."
"Maybe the ghost running down the hallway is an old employee still doing his rounds."
"In that case, keep that door double locked. I'd even wedge a towel under the door just in case."
"Maybe they're friendly? Casper-like in that way."
"You ever heard someone tell you about a friendly ghost outside the funny papers?"
"I'm sure it happens," I said, "The scary ghosts are more popular though."
“We think we know everything there is to know but we are just babes in the woods when it comes to night things.” John shook his head. "Imma tell you one or three things that happened to a guy I worked with back when I first got hired on to chase after corpses in the ambo. Guy's name was Gil. Quiet man, kept to himself. Didn't rock the boat or demand a bigger paddle. Just rowed with us. Good cat to learn under," John said, finally handing me a cereal box.
I took it, and he kept going, "Now, Gil, ya see, he had a little wifey that would pester him about working days. She was a cop and worked evenings at that time, so they never saw each other. When married people can't align their genitals every now and then, it spells doom."
"A little too much information but sure," I said, shelving another box of Trix.
"Probably part of what happened with you and yours," he said. He wasn't wrong, but that didn't mean I wanted to hear it.
John kept on, "Gil finally got approved to move to nights. Little pay boost and a happy, 'fulfilled' wife should've made that man happy. But it didn't. I saw him a few months later, and he had changed. He might've been quiet when he was working with me, but he'd talk to you if you engaged. When I saw him that time, though, oh boy. He looked sick."
"Wasn't a fan of working nights?"
"Wasn't a fan of living anymore is the feeling I got," John said, "After some prodding, he got to talking with me some. Told me he missed days because the nights were messing with him. I thought it had to do with the schedule change, but that wasn't the case. He said he saw things in the dark he couldn't explain. Things that would turn James Brown into James White, ya dig?"
"I...dig," I said.
"Told me they got a call to an abandoned apartment building one night, around three in the morning. Wasn't unusual. Old buildings in the city are where hop-heads congregate and share drugs. Sometimes, the drugs are too much. Sometimes, they find a person passed out or, worse, dead. When you work in the ambo, you aren't scared of death like a civilian. You've been around it. Probably seen a few folks take their last breaths. It doesn't bother you the way Mother Nature intended it should."
He handed me another box, continuing his assist streak, and kept going, "Ambo pulled up, Gil stepped out and looked for someone to talk to. Nobody there, though. Not uncommon. Some people want to help but not be involved. There's not a soul around. He calls out, but nothing comes back. Tells me he turns to get back in the ambulance when he hears a scream from inside the run-down building. They're calling for help. He's gotta go in the abandoned building in the dark."
"No thanks," I said.
"But it don't bother a medic like that. Gil's done a million of these calls. No big deal. He runs into that building but doesn't come back out until twenty minutes later. Just goes missing. After five, the crew heads in to back him up but can't find him. Gil tells me his crew called the cops. It was like he had vanished."
"What happened?"
"I asked him and he got real quiet. Said he fell into some place that looked like here but wasn't here. Said he felt their eyes on him. Judging him. Told me they followed him home and wouldn't leave him be."
"Who?"
John shrugged, "He didn't say. Shut down after that and left. Just walked past me like I was shit on the sidewalk. He quit about a week later. Heard he had a stroke a year later and was a tombstone owner three months after that. Good guy, though."
"Your aversion to overnights makes a little more sense."
"Never in a million years. You don't want something like that coming after you."
"In my case, could it get much worse?" I said with a half-smile.
"Man, I wouldn't even joke about that," he said, making the sign of the cross, "You don't want that shit attachin' itself to you. With your luck, you'd bring him in here, and it'd hop over to me. I can't have a ghost crimping my style."
After a bit, he got called away to sign off on a delivery. I finished out my shift and headed out to the parking lot. When I exited the building and spotted my car, I froze. My doors were all open, and the interior lights were on. Someone had broken in.
I glanced around the lot to see if the thief was still around, but there wasn't another person near me. I walked over to the car and peered inside. My glovebox had been ripped open, and my registration was pulled out, but nothing else was missing.
I found little hand prints in the dirt all along the body and the windows. I held mine up for comparison, and they were about half the size. It must've been some tweens or teens who did this. Maybe they were going to steal some things and got cold feet. I contemplated calling the cops, but since nothing had happened and they wouldn't do anything anyway, there was no reason to delay sleep any longer than I had to. I closed all the doors and climbed inside.
I started the car and heard something rattling in the AC vents. I pulled out my phone and shined the light at the vent. There was a small piece of paper inside. I looked around my car for some tool to pull it out and only found an ink pen and a bent-up paperclip. After McGuyvering the vent for a bit, the paper finally came out.
I held it up and unfolded it. There was a handwritten note. It simply read, "I know you're here. I know you're hiding him. I will find you both, and then it'll be your turn to run the race. We all have to run at some point."
I had no idea what that meant, but my body still provided goosebumps. Who was trying to find me? Who was the second person? Why leave a note in my AC vent? What the hell did run the race mean? I hadn't run a race since elementary school and wasn't planning to do so any time soon. Did they mean the rat race? Because I was basically marathoning that motherfucker already.
"Jesus Christ," I said, shaking my head. "What else, universe?"
As if it were a well-practiced comedy routine, the universe responded. My back passenger door swung open, and I heard footsteps running away from my car. I sprung up and scrambled to get out. There wasn't anyone else in the lot that I could see, but very clearly, someone had been hiding in my backseat.
My nerves were shot already, and this was not something I wanted to deal with at the moment. My brain decided that to avoid a breakdown, I needed to shift into automatic mode and just get back to the safety of my apartment. I'd be more prepared to deal with this – whatever it was – in the morning.
Either that or I'd jump in front of a bus. Both sounded satisfying, albeit in different ways.
***
"There he is," Gloria said as soon as I turned down the hallway. I looked up and noticed a small cabal of my neighbors standing in a semi-circle, waiting for me. They all look displeased.
"Hey guys," I said, confused. "I miss an invite for a block party?"
"What do you have to say for yourself?"
"About?"
"Don't play dumb," another neighbor said, jabbing their finger in my direction.
"I'm not playing," I said, realizing the self-burn only after the words escaped my lips.
Gloria showed me the screen on her phone. It was a static shot of her door from across the hall. She pressed play, and nothing happened for a beat until something darted across the screen. That was the whole thing. I looked up at her, my face twisted up in confusion.
"Well," she said, "What do you have to say?"
"What was that?" I asked.
"That was you!" the pointing neighbor said, pointing harder than I thought possible.
"What?" I said, laughing. "Are you all serious?" They didn't laugh, and I realized they weren't joking. "How can you even tell it's me? It's a blur. Never mind the fact I've been at work for the last five hours. Plus, this blur is half my size. I get we're all weirded out about the Phantom Runner, but it's not me. I swear to God. I don't even have the energy to think about running, let alone the physical desire to."
"Then explain this," Gloria said, slightly swaying from the half bottle of Pinot Noir coursing through her blood. She rewound the video and froze it on a specific frame. I couldn't believe my eyes, but I was looking at...me. Or, rather, something pretending to be me.
"What the fuck?" I said, my jaw dropping.
"Still think we're lying?" the pointer said smugly.
"No, but, guys, this isn't me. I... I've been at work. Wanna see my schedule?"
I reached into my phone and pulled it out. There was an email with my work schedule that confirmed what I was saying. They relaxed, and, for the first time, anger gave way to fear. Their very plausible explanation was suddenly invalid. It left two implausible answers floating in the ether: either I had a pint-sized doppelganger terrorizing the hallways of my apartment, or a ghost was haunting the building.
"I'm...gonna go inside," the pointer said, walking back to their home. Everyone else drifted away until it was just Gloria and I standing alone in the hallway.
She looked at me and sighed, "I feel like an asshole," she said. "Sorry I accused you of causing the racket."
"If I had seen the video, I would've thought the same thing," I said. "We're good."
"What do you think it is?" she asked.
I shrugged and let out an exhausted sigh. "Honestly, Gloria, I've had a screwed-up night already, and this is the cherry on top of the shit sundae; forgive my language. I don't have the mental bandwidth to even comprehend what's on the video at the moment."
"Think it's after you?" she asked, though I suspected the wine had forced her to put that idea out into the universe. As I had already seen, the universe seemed to take requests on my behalf.
"Maybe it's after you?" I said, coming off a little meaner than I intended, but I didn't care. I left her there to contemplate that scenario and went into my apartment.
As soon as the door shut behind me, I felt on edge. Just because I didn't have the mental bandwidth to discuss the doppelganger didn't mean it wasn't dominating my thoughts. I saw the frame of the video. The damn ghost looked exactly like me. What could that possibly mean? I know I had wished for death, but I was very still alive. I had rent due to prove that.
Did I happen to live in a place haunted by a ghost that looked strikingly like me? Was it some kid with a passing resemblance just causing chaos? Was it something else I couldn't even comprehend – an alien? A clone? A secret government project?
There was a thumping coming from the hallway. The mini Usain Bolt was at it again. I knew the neighbors would ignore it. Since they had all thought it was me, which was proven to be untrue, they would avoid the running man from now on. While curious and confused by the creature, they'd never put themselves in harm's way to discover what it was. They were not a brave lot.
Neither was I, but maybe my life crumbling around me had forced my hand. I walked over to my door and swung it open. I hit record on my phone, stuck it out like a periscope, and glanced around the hallway. Nobody was there. No neighbors were looking. No person was running.
"You gotta stop, man. I need to go to sleep," I said to the empty space. No response, not that I was expecting one.
I turned to walk back in, and I caught something out of the corner of my eye. A face at the end of the hallway peeked around the corner. For a quick second, we locked eyes, and it was like I was looking into a mirror. This thing was me. But...how?
I tried to get it on video, but it ducked back into the shadows. I took that as a cue to shut and lock my door. My heart was racing, and I didn't want to think about this anymore, but I couldn't help it. There was a me in the hallway who enjoyed pestering my neighbors. Worse, they liked to run for some ungodly reason.
I put my phone on the counter, the video still rolling, when there was a knock at my door. It echoed in my near-empty apartment. I tried to ignore it and convince myself it was something else, but it wasn't. The ghost was knocking on my door. Even with my brain paralyzed, I couldn't help but think that it was awfully polite to knock.
Another knock, this one more forceful. I wondered if the neighbors thought I was making this up?
"I know you're in there," a voice said. It sounded just like me. "This is about the race. We all have to run the race. It's your turn now."
I froze. My legs went wobbly like a boxer on the brink of a blackout, but I stayed tall. I opened my mouth to speak and found the words dying in my throat. I grabbed a nearby bottle of water and took a chug.
"We all have to run the race."
"What race?" I choked out, "What are you talking about?"
"Open up. They're in there already, and I need to get them."
I glanced all around my empty apartment. I didn't see anyone else in here. I didn't hear anything. Whatever this thing was, it was lying. I grabbed my phone and held it in my hand. I wanted to document this to prove that I wasn't crazy.
“Did you leave the note?”
“I know they’re in there with you,” it repeated.
"There's no one in here," I said.
"They're hiding. I think I know where. I can hear them."
"You've gotta get out of here," I said. "There's nothing here, and you're scaring people."
"I'm scared, and you should be! You have to run the race, man! Open up, and I can show you."
The handle started to shake. I peered through the keyhole and only saw the top of the other me's head. They began to shoulder the door, and it crunched against my nose. I screamed out in pain and stumbled back. I tripped over my feet and landed hard on my ass.
The thing slammed into the door two more times, shaking the walls. The strength seemed unnatural. On the third hit, the door burst open. I finally got a view of the thing. It was me. Scaled down by half, but it was me. We both seemed shocked.
"You're so much taller up close," the other me said.
"Who the fuck are you?"
I felt a buzzing in my feet that seemed to climb up my body until it reached my brain. There was an intense pain that rippled through the folds of my mind. Through the pain, I could hear a disembodied voice whisper, "We all must run the race. We all have to run. Chase it. Chase yourself." It felt like my skull was going to split in two. I clutched the sides of my head and let out a primal scream that hurt my own ears.
Then it was gone. But I could still feel the echoes in my mind. "We all have to run the race. We all have to run." The thought would waver between making no sense and making complete sense. One second, I was questioning what was happening to my mind, and the next, all I felt was the desire to continue the race.
"There he is!" the other me yelled, pointing at the hallway.
I glanced over and saw another version of me standing in the hallway. It was half the size of the other me that had broken into my place. When tiny me locked eyes with my intruder, he ran for the open hallway closet.
The other me followed, screaming that it would catch the little bastard if it was the last thing he'd do. I pushed myself up to my feet and felt queasy. I watched as the other me ran head-first into the closet without slowing. I expected to hear a loud thump as it hit the back wall but none came.
"We all have to run the race," the voice in my head said, soothing my nerves. "It's your time to run the race."
I moved down the hallway, each footfall echoing loudly in the empty apartment, each step bringing me closer to the closet door. Something was drawing me there. The voice's words echoed in my mind as well: "We all have to run the race. It's your turn now."
I grabbed the door and stopped. Something was compelling me to move forward. To go into the closet. To chase myself. To run the race.
"No," I whispered and yanked my hand from the door. I pulled out my still recording phone, and stared into the camera. My face was devoid of color, and you could see the fear etched into me. "I'm freaking out because...because…"
I stopped. I felt an invisible hand grab my body and tug. "Because...because if I don't run the race, something bad will happen. I have to chase it. I...I have to."
My phone dropped from my hand, and I didn’t care. The force pulling me forward stopped but my body kept going. I could feel the last strands of my rational mind splintering. My thoughts became focused on one thing: I had to catch myself, find out what was happening, and run the race. If I ran, maybe I'd win.
I needed a win.
I walked into the back of the closet and felt a door handle sticking out of the wall. I'd been in that closet a million times before and never had seen this. But a sense of calm washed over me. This….this was supposed to be here. This was perfectly fine.
I turned the handle and pulled open the invisible door. In front of me was a hallway that looked strikingly like the one outside my apartment. At the end of the hallway, I saw Gloria step out of their home to leave for the night. She was huge. Twice my size, easy.
Another door opened, and I saw...me—a giant version of me. The Hulk version of me was getting ready to go to the grocery store for work. I watched as the giant Gloria and giant me joked and laughed. I was stunned.
I stared, and a new thought came to me. I have to find the smaller me and talk to it. I needed to find out if there's a way out of this...this….
"It's your turn to run," the voice said.
Calm embraced me. "It's my turn to run," I repeated. As the giant me took off and the giant Gloria re-entered her apartment, the hallway beckoned.
"We all have to run the race," I said softly, "It's my turn now."
I started running.

I recently heard animal crossing has seized updates, is that true? If so I don’t understand why? There’s so many ways they can improve the game that have been stated multiple times I assume. I wanted to come and list some features that I never understood why they weren’t in the game in hopes that one day they’ll come back and fix them 🥹

1. Turning off the music!!! I know this is a big complaint across the board, but that’s precisely why I’m bringing it up again. If so many people complain and have asked for the change, then why have they not done it 😭 Please I’m begging ya’ll to make a feature where we can turn the music off. I want to enjoy the nature ambiance or actually be able to hear shooting stars 🙏🏻 I was going to state after the 600 hours I have in this game it gets very annoying, but I got annoyed by my 5th hour.
   
2. Crafting or purchasing in bulk. This one is self explanatory. The worst is crafting fish bait one by one. 🥲
   
3. Unique voice lines and personalities for some villagers. I understand there’s a ton of villagers and it would be hard to make them all unique, but at least for the very popular ones like Raymond, Marshall, etc; it would be nice if they acted different and said different things. Not a big complaint, but it’s my wish 🥹
   
4. This one is kind of nitpicking, but it would be nice if we could climb onto land from the rocks instead of just the sand. We seem quite strong since we’re able to uproot tree stumps and break rocks with shovels, so we definitely could pull ourselves up. Please!
   
5. A way to see where villagers are. Maybe just seeing them on the map or if they wanted to keep it like you’re hunting for them, then an option to ask another villager “have you seen ‘this villager’?” To which they can then give an area where they last saw them.
   

If y’all have any pressing ones feel free to add! I know these will most likely never be implemented in the game, but a girl can hope 🥹💗
Bonus: I wish you could find random villagers visiting in the coffee shop at any time. I think it would be super cute if you could see villagers interacting with each other and sitting around in there.

18 months of hell.
In November 2022 I got accused of a very serious crime and investivated by police. My girlfriend at the time lost her job. I had to move home because rent was getting ridiculous for the area and quality.
Christmas 2022, grandfather dies of a Stoke. At rhe same time, grandmother on other side of family nearly dies of the same thing.
Ny father can't speak at his dad's funeral, I step up, trying to support the family and keep things ordered. I do it. But I see my dad cry fir the first time in my life...
I took out a £15k loan. Which helped with credit card debt (due to my gf at the time not really working or paying for anything), then after I moved, new housemate was a fucking slob who used my good nature to treat the place like a shit tip. Leaving chocolate out for my dog to eat and everything.
Police issue is resolved, no evidence after I get a solicitor and an interview. Still to this day, I flinch when I hear sirens...
Birthday... gf St the time, while sleeping upstairs and I sleep on the sofa cause be and my friend are chatting unti lwe fall asleep ad a heavy day drinking... ex comes down.. stands over me. And hits me so hard I scream. House wakes up. Mate sees this happen. And then housemate comes down, and asks why she got in his bed... she is currently pinning me down, crying and screaming.. I tell everyone to go to bed and deal with it the next day.
Tell gf at the time that she has fucked up... She doesn't know why she did it... says she was sleep walking.. touch starved...
Had to physically remove housemate after 1) his room smelled so bad, that I had to get landlords involved and a professional carpet clean on his room and 2) he pissed on my fucking landing carpet.
Months of me paying nearly as much rent as I earn in wage, due to gf at the time barely paying me... get a housemate in who wants the place to be good to live in.. Ex decides to threaten suicide when it's just me and her, after multiple times she has grabbed and tried to hold me down knowing I am in pain from her hitting me... She locks herself in the bathroom (razors and isopropyl alcohol inside, and apparently as I find out later, our dog). I call 111, she is screaming, I'm taking on the phone to try to get control... I struggle...
Eventually she opens the door, screaming at me... 111 operator can't do anything more... I thank him and hang up.. ex gf screaming at me immediately.. im the worst person, im stupid... can't believe i believed her she might commit suicide. How stupid am I.. all of it.. I broke.. broke up with her. Hated life, hated myself. Still do.
This was November 2023.. she finally left in May 2024. Every day since I havent been able to say a word in my house. I have been belittled, broken, criticised, for the tiniest things... while I can't say a word against anyone... she left dishes to go mouldy, I cant ask her to clean after herself.... and that's the minor things..
I am alone... when she left, she took the dog.. she was ours. She slept with me every night... ans now she is gone.. to a girl who never took her for a walk unless she was the ONLY one to.. and even then.. First walk at 2:30... maybe 5pm...
I dont know anymore. I'm sick of everything.. ex even got to move out of London and keep her job.. Best I could argue was the possibility of a transfer... but I'd lose my London weighting... and fuck over my housemate...
I don't even know what I need.. I've had counselling, the Counsellor didn't turn up to half the sessions... And can't get free ones... I canr get help for domestic violence victims as its not an ongoing issue and I'm a male in my 30s. So im not priority (I get it, but im allowed to say it hurts not getting support).
I just want to be allowed to live a normal life.. I dont want this... I just want to scream.
Thank you if you read this. I'm sorry if its not the usual content.

For context Im 26F and was about 30 lbs above a “healthy BMI.” Ive lost those 30 lbs and just reached healthy range and now have a goal to reach the mid range of a healthy BMI, around 10-15 lbs more and that goal is because I feel great at a lower weight and right now still look skinny fat. Im working on building muscle too.
When I look at pictures of when I was chubbier, I look so hot! My body looked great and my tight clothes assentuated it. I would say I looked curvy girl hot, not societal standards skinny hot girl hot.
I miss it! Now my clothes are weirdly baggy and I have to buy new ones and I dont know what my style is.
Now I feel AMAZING at this lower weight and am a lot more fit and able to move and ive learned healthy ways of eating. Im proud of myself for reaching my goal and super happy. But at the same time I dont feel like me and I miss that curvy girl lol.
How do I get used to my new body that I worked so hard for? I am definitely happy with it but still feel like Im mourning the old me and dont feel like myself and hate my clothes.

For context Im 26F and was about 30 lbs above a “healthy BMI.” Ive lost those 30 lbs and just reached healthy range and now have a goal to reach the mid range of a healthy BMI, around 10-15 lbs more and that goal is because I feel great at a lower weight and right now still look skinny fat. Im working on building muscle too.
When I look at pictures of when I was chubbier, I look so hot! My body looked great and my tight clothes assentuated it. I would say I looked curvy girl hot, not societal standards skinny hot girl hot.
I miss it! Now my clothes are weirdly baggy and I have to buy new ones and I dont know what my style is.
Now I feel AMAZING at this lower weight and am a lot more fit and able to move and ive learned healthy ways of eating. Im proud of myself for reaching my goal and super happy. But at the same time I dont feel like me and I miss that curvy girl lol.
How do I get used to my new body that I worked so hard for? I am definitely happy with it but still feel like Im mourning the old me and dont feel like myself and hate my clothes.

Thats all.
They look great and are just genetically blessed(face-wise, I know working out helps a lot). Unless they have some form of trauma they get to be confident.
I have a gorgeous friend, she’s nice, friendly, funny and everyone loves her. She gets compliments for breathing. It's to the point where my boyfriend- unprompted said «What's up with that»
I was talking to a friend of mine whom we have in common, and he used to have a crush on her, he started talking about how «all the prettiest people are most insecure» and how this friend is «the most insecure in the friend group.»
This is bs. She is one of my closest friends, and yes, she has insecurities, but still knows that she’s pretty. She’s able to stand up for herself, has self-worth, and is generally confident. She can allow herself good things and feel confident in relationships with very very attractive people.
We have spoken about this honestly and openly, so it's not just me spouting shit.
I have discussed mine and her insecurities multiple times, and hers are shit like «my ankles are fat»
Why is my friend placing pity and weirdly victimizing her when she is quite obviously confident? Why is it suddenly a competition of which of the girls is more insecure??
Half the girls in our friend group have worked through eating disorders, anorexia and bulimia, verbal abuse from guardians regarding our weight, etc. «But oh pretty girl insecure and doesn't know she’s so beautiful.»
the only indication of this is that she doesn't like showing skin. She can wear tight clothes etc. When I asked he said «Oh cause you can wear a bikini» Yeah, cause after years of starving myself and then suddenly gaining 10kg and being miserable I decided that I’d do my best to fucking ignore the fact I'm ugly as shit and have fun doing things with people I like instead. Doesn't mean I’m not crying when I see a picture of me from that day later on cause I hate it that much.
I’m jealous, I know that I’m salty af, and that's something I have to work on, obviously. But it just makes it worse.
Pretty people get to be pretty, beloved, complimented, and pitied, they always win, assumed best, and are confident, and because they're confident they’re often not jealous assholes like me.
Pretty people directly have a negative impact on me, and I know I should build myself up and get stronger and better, but its hard to get any better, when I see that I am always treated like trash compared to people like that.
Advice is welcome, but this is just a rant so…
(Yes, I’m another insecure woman hahah, so funny).

Hello,
I'm 26F living with a male housemate(30M). He(30M), his friends(27M, 31F) and I(25F) went on a 2 day trip and on the car ride back home, I called him stupid indirectly, and I regret it alot now.
This weekend, we went for bungee jumping on the trip, nobody except me did it, because everyone(this guy too) said they were scared. This guy went on to add, "I would do anything, river rafting, skydiving, cliff jumping, but I wouldnt do bungee jumping" and right after I finished the jump said, didnt look that hard, I think i could do it as well. I was annoyed but because I knew that he always does, i ignored that comment.
Later in the car, his friend(31F) was telling how she doesnt want to conceive, and the topic shifted towards feminism... and I said Society has been designed in a way, that makes men more privilaged than women and society also puts a lot of pressure and expects women to be perfect... and his friend(27M) said, "but things changed, its no more like that" to which I gave them a few examples... here the conversation was completely between me and his friend(27M), but this guy came in between saying "but why should I care, I live my life and dont care much about society", I was angry because he was not even trying to understand that he comes from a place of privilege(men have it a little easier than women)... that conversation was a little intense, so we all decided its for the best to leave it..
Later the topic moved to most hated qualities in a person and I said, "i find people who cant draw boundaries stupid and spineless, because they go with anything anyone says", and my housemate immediately said, "isnt that good", for which i replied "it shows they are foolish, because they have zero opinions, and care too much about other people, that their decision making process involves everybody but them"... and he didnt argue but one of his friend said "but isnt that selfless" and I retorted with "i think its the most selfish thing, because they want everybody to like them"... the guy was silent for a bit and said "u called me stupid, without calling me stupid" and i said "but how does it matter, what i think because you dont care about anyone, which is what you shud do" and now I regret calling him out, because I saw he actively ignored me for the rest of the trip(which I probably deserved).
Also, this guy proposed to me a few weeks ago, and I rejected him almost immediately, because the thought of getting into a relationship with him made me nauseous, because of a couple of reasons. He thought therapy was for weak, called a girl he hung out with, a gold digger(when she wasnt even in a relationship with him), is a people pleaser and has no boundaries whatsoever, he's a blatant misogynist and constantly tries to one up people(he has a story for EVERYTHING, and most of it, seems like a lie, bcoz the details change a lot), says he never gets offended, but gets offended even at the slightest remark on him, has an excuse for everything, and believes, he can only learn from his experiences(never learns from anyone's experiences). He also said "you never sent me any wrong signals, but if most male friends you have, proposed to you then maybe you are doing something wrong", when I shared "most men i do friendship with, end up liking me so i dont have male friendships anymore, but I thought since we have an age gap, i thought you'd be more mature to have a friendship". He said this right after he proposed.
I've been mean to him, because of his traits, but now I feel I might be just as bad, because I said mean things and I actively tried to put him in his place (before his friends), by bringing up the things he keeps changing in his stories.
I feel like I'm a bad person on one hand, and on another, feel he deserved it.
Should I apologize to him?

I never thought id be writing this but im at my wits end with my parents especially my mom. I grew up with very traditional immigrant asian parents and they’re very loving but also emotionally abuse. Both me and my brother have realized that my parents was very racist, judgmental, homophobic, and many other things from a young age but always chose to ignore it as they only said things never really implied it to us. Growing up I reluctantly did everything they wanted me to do and act as well. I thought If I just did what they wanted they’ll eventually stop nagging and give boundaries. I was wrong. As I grow older it just got worse and worse. My dad has a very conservative ideology but has a bit of boundaries and will let you be as he is aware that its not the end of world. Although growing up we had a very rough history and our relationship isn’t the best. I am slightly closer to my mom although she even worse. My mom constanly nags and has no boundaries for me or my brother. They’re harder on me as I am female and need to be presentable so that a man will want me and take care of me. I however do not always meets the standard that mother wants. I dont do anything bad and go to school like im suppose to. I recently got admitted to pharmacy school in buffalo and am leaving in august. My mom use to always nag me about my weight really badly calling me fat daily or that she wishes ill die cause im just a fat loser or that im lucky im in America because in Asia I would just be shamed. Recently she stop nagging as I been going to the gym. I thought that she would stop emotionally abusing me, but now shell just get upset over tiny things. I would be eating and having a conversation with her and shell just blow up because I dont want to tie my hair up. Shell say no man would a nasty smelly women. I have tried to live to all her expectation thinking it will get better but ive realized it doesnt. She stressing about every little thing and is so judgmental to everyone its sickening. Everyone who doesnt uphold to her standard are just trashy people and below her. She also treats her mil my grandma terrible to the point where my grandma refuses to ask my mom for almost anything and will wait for me to help her. My mother expects me to marry a nice chinese man with a respectable job and has been pushing me to find one since i got into grad school, however im not sure I want to do that. I realized I liked girls at a young and consider myself bisexual as of now. I would never be able to tell my parents this and am fine with marrying a man. However I am not fine with marrying what they expect as this is the person I have to live with for the of MY life. They’ve also push my brother to do this as well and he has said to stop, they’ll stop pushing it but will still talk about it. My brother moved out after college and just avoids my parents as he also couldn’t stand my mom. Im also a bit more childish and care free and my parents hate that part of me. I guess depressed every time I think or even talk about my parents. My mom believe her ideology is right and what she does is okay thats what everyone else does. I want to cut my parents off but I need them finically and would to have parents in my life. Im not sure if I can continue to stay at home or even make it through the summer.What should I do?
PSA: every time I talk back to my mom rather its calmly or in a heated moment she just says I think like American and am just being an idiot.

Hello,
I'm 26F living with a male housemate(30M). He(30M), his friends(27M, 31F) and I(25F) went on a 2 day trip and on the car ride back home, I called him stupid indirectly, and I regret it alot now.
This weekend, we went for bungee jumping on the trip, nobody except me did it, because everyone(this guy too) said they were scared. This guy went on to add, "I would do anything, river rafting, skydiving, cliff jumping, but I wouldnt do bungee jumping" and right after I finished the jump said, didnt look that hard, I think i could do it as well. I was annoyed but because I knew that he always does, i ignored that comment.
Later in the car, his friend(31F) was telling how she doesnt want to conceive, and the topic shifted towards feminism... and I said Society has been designed in a way, that makes men more privilaged than women and society also puts a lot of pressure and expects women to be perfect... and his friend(27M) said, "but things changed, its no more like that" to which I gave them a few examples... here the conversation was completely between me and his friend(27M), but this guy came in between saying "but why should I care, I live my life and dont care much about society", I was angry because he was not even trying to understand that he comes from a place of privilege(men have it a little easier than women)... that conversation was a little intense, so we all decided its for the best to leave it..
Later the topic moved to most hated qualities in a person and I said, "i find people who cant draw boundaries stupid and spineless, because they go with anything anyone says", and my housemate immediately said, "isnt that good", for which i replied "it shows they are foolish, because they have zero opinions, and care too much about other people, that their decision making process involves everybody but them"... and he didnt argue but one of his friend said "but isnt that selfless" and I retorted with "i think its the most selfish thing, because they want everybody to like them"... the guy was silent for a bit and said "u called me stupid, without calling me stupid" and i said "but how does it matter, what i think because you dont care about anyone, which is what you shud do" and now I regret calling him out, because I saw he actively ignored me for the rest of the trip(which I probably deserved).
Also, this guy proposed to me a few weeks ago, and I rejected him almost immediately, because the thought of getting into a relationship with him made me nauseous, because of a couple of reasons. He thought therapy was for weak, called a girl he hung out with, a gold digger(when she wasnt even in a relationship with him), is a people pleaser and has no boundaries whatsoever, he's a blatant misogynist and constantly tries to one up people(he has a story for EVERYTHING, and most of it, seems like a lie, bcoz the details change a lot), says he never gets offended, but gets offended even at the slightest remark on him, has an excuse for everything, and believes, he can only learn from his experiences(never learns from anyone's experiences). He also said "you never sent me any wrong signals, but if most male friends you have, proposed to you then maybe you are doing something wrong", when I shared "most men i do friendship with, end up liking me so i dont have male friendships anymore, but I thought since we have an age gap, i thought you'd be more mature to have a friendship". He said this right after he proposed.
I've been mean to him, because of his traits, but now I feel I might be just as bad, because I said mean things and I actively tried to put him in his place (before his friends), by bringing up the things he keeps changing in his stories.
I feel like I'm a bad person on one hand, and on another, feel he deserved it.
Should I apologize to him?

He is a friend… He’s kind. He’s respectful. He is gentle. He’s soft with his words. He makes me feel safe and warm. He likes to have fun. He likes to travel. He loves his parents. He loves his family. I think he’s everything I want in someone. Minus the quiet and shy part but he’s definitely opening up in a fun and exciting way.. I met him through my sister and BIL. And we have been friends for 2 years now. They had originally wanted to introduce me to this guy but I said I wasn’t interested in getting to know anyone and from what they told me I had a hunch he would be someone who liked really pretty skinny slim petite girls. I wasn’t that. So they just introduced me to their whole friend group and we all just became friends. Our friends would casually joke about us being together when we all hung out as a group. Or if both of us were busy and couldn’t hang out with them at the same time they’d joke that we were secretly on a date etc. He never said much and just took it. I would brush it off as well not much thinking much of it since we were the only two singles ones… but There were times when I couldn’t tell if he was just being nice or if it was him showing me signs. But the more we all hung out the more I got to see what kind of person he was. I remember admitting to my BIL that I was kind of interested in getting to know him more now but I was really drunk when we had that convo and never brought it up again when I was sober cause I was embarrassed. He was supportive though and said I was a really good person and he thought we matched really well. The first time I admitted to myself that I probably really liked him, I was really hurt. i never confessed to him or anything like that but i just came to a realization… It took me so many years to finally love myself and appreciate every stage of who I am where I am and what I look like… but I realized I must have really really liked this guy cause I tried so hard to change who I was to see if he would like me or give me a sign. I tried working out to become skinny and I went out of my way to always hangout with this friend group. Our friend group was scheduled to go on a trip together. I told myself I’d see how the trip goes and really feel him out to see if he was interested… I thought I mentally prepared myself well enough but I guess I didn’t. On this trip I had mentioned a different girl friend that I wanted to meet up with with our friend group. I don’t remember how we got into this convo but I ended up showing him a picture and his face lit up. She’s a really beautiful girl who’s fit. He wanted to meet her too. So the next day my friend group met up with my other girl friend and her friend. This girl friend of mine knew about my lole for this guy so she was never interested.. I could instantly tell the shift in his body language. Keep in mind he’s a really quiet and reserved guy. But I could see the way he would watch out for her. Like her bottle fell and from across the friend group he told her she dropped her bottle. Little shifts like that in his attitude that made me realize what he was like if he was interested in someone… any way fast forward we started walking around and at one point my girl friend’s friend(who I just met that day as well) randomly asked him if he liked me. I was right in front of them. But I heard. With no hesitation in his voice he said no she’s like my sister… my heart fell to my stomach… the first time in 6+ years after my last relationship that I was allowing myself to like someone again and I got sister-zoned… if I’m being honest it really hurt my self esteem. I worked so hard to really love myself and I felt like I was a good person who was funny and kind and selfless and giving and family oriented(I’m not just trying to boost my ego lol almost all the people In my life has said these to me before) but the first person I allow myself to like in so long has no interest in me. All the little clues I got were stories I made up in my head. I prided myself on being good at reading people.. but it was really all in my head… anyway I just pretended like I didn’t hear anything and continued with where I was going. I realized then that he was just nice to me not interested in me. After that trip he started talking more to the friend group about the girls he had asked out on dates and the kind of girls he liked and how his dates went. Then I really realized I prob was just like a sister to him. And he’s was just like any other guy.. the ones who likes pretty skinny girls. He would talk to girls that weren’t the best people but they were really pretty and skinny. After that I tried to stop myself from continuing to like him so I distanced myself from the friend group. Just a little bit. But I also started a new job so that also prevented me from seeing them too often. I noticed myself think about him less and being less effected by his dating life. I felt good again. Just really focused on myself and reminded myself to stay true to who I am so I can attract my person to me. But just this past weekend… we went on a trip together again. I really thought I was good! He really has just been feeling like a friend. But this trip was only my sister and BIL and him and I. Everything seems to be going great I played wing woman for him and helped him meet girls! But I think I realize.. I really do like him. Like I like him probably a lot more than I thought. Yes I played his wing woman and I wasn’t very jealous or anything like that.. I know i was hella cute on this trip and I know I’m a good person. But the whole time I when he was talking to girls.. I didn’t wish to be them.. I just wished he’d see me. I introduced those girls to him to see if he would choose me.. even with a married girl with 3 kids who says she’s in an open relationship and who is older than him he didn’t choose me. We got into a deep conversation about his last super toxic relationship and about the kind of woman he wants. He named everything I am(traits about myself that others have said about me not just what I think about myself). I kept listening and realized the only thing that prob would make me not fit to be his ideal woman is because I’m a bigger girl. Anyway I guess moral of the story is that I just really like this guy who prob doesn’t see me anymore than a sister. And I can’t help it that I’m not the one he’s unwilling to choose. I just have to stay true to who I am. And I will naturally attract my person to me.
Also I don’t think I am delusional and obsessive. I have kept a good distance and I have never crossed any boundaries of friendship. I just had a lot of people we know question why we weren’t together and many people always said they thought we are a good match.. but I’m just not the one he is choosing to have. And maybe it’s time I accept that.
What do you guys think? Idk what kind of validation or answers I’m looking for I think I just want to share my pain and heartbreak as 28 year old who will prob stay single Forever because this one sided like was Kind of painful. lol

Hi everyone. My cat Lucy is about 5 and a half years old and was diagnosed with a pulmonary mass on May 2nd. About a week before then, I had noticed she was limping and brought her to her regular vet. Our vet thought it was a broken toe at most, or maybe a twisted claw. I was thankful that it was just something small that would heal on its own with time. Then, the next day, May 2nd, she had a sudden onset of neurological symptoms - circling, head tilt, right limbs collapsing - started breathing very quickly, and was crying in distress. I freaked out and went to the ER. The doctors were going to do an MRI to try to figure out the neurological symptom cause, but in the process of prepping her for that, some chest imaging showed a mass near her lungs, which they sampled and confirmed to be cancer.
She seemed stable aside from the neurological symptoms, so they sent her home with me with the plan to follow up with either neuro or oncology depending on how her symptoms progressed. A vet tech told me at one point that she had had a cat with neurological issues too, and it was a long, slow healing process. That's what I was hoping for, and for the first few days, Lucy seemed to get better. I had to give her meds for dizziness, pain, and yeast in her ears (she's a chronically waxy girl), but she made such good progress with the neurological stuff. She wasn't purring and laid down most of the time, but she laid in the sun and in her cat beds. She ate less, but enthusiastically. After a few days, she finally groomed herself again. I thought this all meant her main problem right now was this neurological thing - we just happened to find cancer in the process. They felt separate to me. She wasn't having breathing issues, so the lung cancer must not be affecting her yet - it'll just be something we deal with down the road.
I was wrong. On May 14th, I started noticing bad signs. She was hiding most of the day, eating and drinking much less, not pooping, barely peeing. I thought she was just stressed, maybe mad at me for giving her so many pills and ear liquids. She started crying before going to the litterbox and afterwards, and I still wasn't seeing much in there, so I thought, maybe she's constipated. Her regular vet agreed it could be possible, did an X-ray of her stomach, did an enema to get some hard stool out, and prescribed an appetite stimulant and Miralax. The day after that appointment, Lucy seemed worse. Whenever she wasn't under the couch, she was crying. I took her back to the ER, who told me that she was mildly dehydrated, her behaviors since the initial ER visit were very worrisome, and I should start thinking about her quality of life. I asked how sure they were, how likely it is that we just need to figure out what medicine she needs, or if she's just stressed, and they're very sure. I have accepted that she is dying.
Now, the question I meant to ask before I ended up writing out the tale of Lucy's medical journey: euthanasia. Lucy hides most of the day. She barely eats even with the appetite stimulant. She is starting to walk more slowly. She doesn't play or jump. She is normally the sweetest cat in the world, and now she does not want to be touched. She can go to the bathroom and has normal-looking poop and pee, but still cries in distress before and after, and it seems to take her a long time to poop. Her life is mostly hiding, me taking her out to get her to take meds or subcutaneous fluids, a little eating, and what appear to be distressing trips to the litterbox. But she isn't showing the very bad signs that the vets told me to watch for: no vomiting, no bloody diarrhea, no trouble breathing. Do I need to wait for that? Is it good for her to wait for it to get that bad?
I already feel like I have let her down by not pursuing further diagnostics of her cancer and neurological issues. When she cries in distress, I feel like she's saying "help me," as in, if you just figure out how to help me, I will be okay. Like if we were to do an MRI and CT scan and more bloodwork, we would find the right medication that would get her back to normal. But that's probably not true. Even if the neurological part is unrelated to the cancer and we fix it, she still would have cancer. I think the best thing I can do for her now is keep her comfortable and get the euthanasia timing right, so she doesn't suffer needlessly. But if she isn't responding to medications, hides and cries most of the time, what is the quality of her life? The thought of scheduling the euthanasia soon is horrifying - like I would be killing her early. But I've read about how hard it is when it is done too late. And I look at her now, and she is never happy.
I am going to talk this all over with her vet tomorrow. Just wanted to share it here too since I stumbled across a few posts from this community and saw a lot of caring and supportive people.

I (28m) I met this girl (29f) in August. She has a kid, dad is out of the picture. The kid is awesome and she treats them well. Her family is trailer trash garbage and the females in particular are the spicy ones. For a little more context, she does sex work. I have no issue with this but it is a red flag in itself on the sole fact she actively seeks out external validation and then in exchange she is literally paid to be worshipped and degrade people-cluster B personality disorder. I feel like I’m playing with fire and it just sucks because I got caught in her damn hooks and they’re already in pretty deep. I think initially I was blindsided by “growth from trauma” and “just trying to do what’s best for me and my kid” but that just seems like a fucking cop out to me. I only know one side of her story and her baby daddy “got strung out on meth” and dipped. I’m just really struggling with this because it feels genuine but sometimes feelings are too good to be true and I know I’m smarter than that. It’s a hard realization to come to man. Holy fuck. It sucks because I show her how I want to be loved and it’s just not reciprocated. I’m getting closer and closer to just snapping this line entirely. I think I can see the full picture as to how this is gonna turn out. Thanks guys. Let me know if you want more context.

This is my first reddit post and honestly it's a lot so please bear with me. I'm still trying to figure out how to process everything and make sense of it all. I guess we will start at the very beginning. My boyfriend,( we will call him michael) and I just passed 6 months together. Honestly, hes been great. We clicked pretty fast and have a great bond. I feel safe and comfortable around him and can communicate in a way ive never been able to before. It just kinda works. I definitely fell hard and fast for him and from what I could gather, the feeling was mutual. We had met on tinder in early October and went on our first date in November. We made it official shortly after our first date.
After we started dating, he had briefly mentioned that he had a friend who had a bit of a crush on him. I told him I didn't mind and I trusted him. As long as he kept things respectful to me, it didn't matter. He then explained that her crush was a bit obsessive and he actually wanted to push her out of his life and needed advice. Apparently, this friend, (we will call her beth) was pregnant and wanted Michael to be her baby's God Father. He said that she would follow him and got jealous when he was with other girls. I found this kind of odd but he swore they were just friends, so I told him the best way to let her down gently and let him do his thing. About two weeks later, he told me she was out of the picture. I didn't really care either way but the communication was cool.
Anyways, I pretty quickly forgot about all of that because it was irrelevant and I wanted to focus on our relationship. One night when we were hanging out, he got a snapchat notification. He turned away from me to respond to it but I didn't think much of it, just asked who that was. He said it was just a friend (we will call this one Jen) and they were catching up. I had never heard of her before but I didn't care, I just said cool and dropped it. Just like before, I quickly forgot about that conversation because again,it was irrelevant and I had better things to think about. I trusted him so why should I care who he talks to? He is his own person after all and I understand the importance of friendships.
Fast forward about another two weeks later, him and I had our first argument. I dont remember what it was about. Most likely something small and pointless because I had a stressful day at work but nothing too serious. We did not talk much that day. Later that night, I apologized and we talked it over. Everything was fine. He then told me that earlier in the day, an old friend that he had removed off social media readded him and messaged him. We will call her Molly. Apparently she had just noticed she was removed and was upset and wanted to know why. He told me that he sent her a message explaining that he didn't see her in his life long term and doesn't feel the need to keep someone around who won't be around forever so he didn't want to be friends anymore. He then removed her again. At this point I thought the way he acted was odd. I had never heard of molly before, he waited until he had already removed her before telling me about the conversation, she only came into the picture when we had our first argument and it got me thinking about the other girls who were just friends. I definitely started to over think a bit and was more than curious about who these people were and what their relationship to him was. But he swore they were all just friends. So I continued to believe him.
We went a long period of time without anything coming up so once again I forgot about it and moved on with my life. Him and I were doing great. We were young dumb and in love. I felt truly happy, something I hadn't experienced in a long time. I felt like I genuinely found someone who was right for me and I didn't need to second guess whether or not he was gonna cheat on me. He occasionally would ask to see my phone but I didn't have anything to hide so I allowed him. I had set a boundary with him that if he ever felt concerned or needed reassurance, he needed to bring it up to me first. After we talked it over then he could see my phone, but we would always go through it together. This seemed fair to me. My phone was never off limits, there just needed to be open communication. Anyways, he would always offer for me to see his phone in return but I would decline. I didn't feel the need to and I had learned from past experiences that if you go digging, you will most likely see something you can't unsee.
Then one day he needed to have his wisdom teeth removed. I dropped him off in the morning for his surgery and I was told I needed to hold on to his personal belongings and wait until the operation was over. No big deal. I know this is wrong and I shouldn't have but finally curiosity got the best of me and I looked on his phone. At first it wasn't malicious. I genuinely was just curious. But of course, I saw things I wish I could unsee. It started off on tiktok. In one of his conversations with a friend, he poured his heart out, explaining how he was still so in love with his ex and missed her like crazy. Of course it stung a little to see the things he said but I knew there was someone before me so it wasn't that surprising. That was until I saw those messages had been sent in mid October. So of course i was like huh.we started talking early October and dating early November. So clearly he wasn't over his ex when he met me. But I was willing to forgive it. It wasn't a deal breaker. But Instead of putting the phone down to protect my peace and his privacy, I kept looking. And boy did I find a lot. I found lots of old text messages from contacts that were not saved. Most of then were hard-core sexting and flirting. This dude literally acted like a dog.And yeah it was again hard to see but it was before me and he wasn't like that anymore. With me, he was gentle and respectful and never treated me like an object. Some people just go through a phase and that's okay. Again, it wasn't a deal breaker. But finally i found some very passionate, lovey, intimate messages with an unsaved contact. I was immediately drawn in by the kind words and heartwarming love messages. Whoever this was, they cared for eachother very strongly. I almost immediately felt heartbroken. Not because she was a past love interest, but because he had never spoken to me the way he spoke to her. I read all the way from the top of the conversation. Months worth of love confessions, paragraphs of strong feelings, longing to be with one another, etc. But finally halfway through in one of the paragraphs I see a name. Molly I was shattered. Molly was the girl who supposedly was removed months before him and I even met. The one that was "just a friend" who messaged him and he removed her because he didn't want to be friends anymore. Yeah clearly they were more than just friends. I was livid and felt crushed. Why did he feel the need to lie about something so unnecessary? I wouldn't have been mad if he had told the truth about who she was. But then it got me thinking. Was Beth truly just a friend? Was Jen truly just a friend? What was the actual relationship? I gathered up as much as I could but then the nurse came to the lobby to tell me he was awake and ready to go home. I kind of panicked and in my hurry, I forgot to delete the screenshots out of his phone.
We get in the car and I give him his phone, he's still pretty loopy. Obviously I had a million questions to ask him but I knew he wasn't in the right state of mind to have that conversation so I put my feelings aside and decided it could wait. Well he wanted to take pictures of his bloody swollen face and send it to his uncle. In the process, he sees the screenshots i had forgotten to delete off his phone and immediately screams what the f*** is this? I tried to talk calmly and explain that now wasn't a good time to talk about it and it could wait. He kept pressing "what the f*** did you do? Who the hell is this?" In my mind I thought "uh dude, you tell me." But didn't want to escalate it while he was drugged up. I decided the best option was to simply say that I wasn't mad , I stilled planned on taking care of him while he recovered and that we would need to have a conversation when he was in a better state of mind. He just started sobbing. Oh boy. I kind of ignored it as much as I could. I drove us to the store to get ice cream and other soft foods he could eat before taking us back to my apartment. I helped get him set up in my bedroom and he still was crying. So much so he started coughing out blood. It smelled awful and got everywhere. He was a wreck. I felt bad for everything. I felt guilty for going on his phone behind his back, for leaving the screeshots on his phone and for him crying. It took several hours but eventually I got him to calm down. I kept my word and continued to take care of him until he was recovered.
Finally when enough time had passed I decided it was time to sit down and talk about it. I explained that obviously I had found messages and i wanted an explanation. He told me molly was just a friend, and very clearly it was more than that. I also explained that I had a suspicion that he was not fully honest about his relationship with Jen and Beth either. He looked me dead in the eyes and said he had no idea what I was talking about and they were just friends. I remained calm and explained that I won't be mad at him or leave him. I told him I didn't want to fight. I just felt as though I deserved to know the truth if I was going to continue to be with him, especially since he was still in contact with Beth and Jen while we were dating. We continue to go back and forward for several hours with no progress. I decided then if he didn't feel I deserved the truth, I would find out for myself. I took the screenshots I had found and reached out to the contacts one by one.
Let's start with Beth. She was the quickest to respond. I briefly explained who I was and that I was hoping to ask some questions about my partner because I felt like i was being lied to and was hoping she could fill in some of the gaps. She texted back and simply asked "do you work at blank" I responded that yes, I did. She then asked if I lived at a specific apartment complex. I said yes and was creeped out. She knew where I worked and lived. She then asked if she could call me. I agreed. For some context, he told me that she was a friend he had met in school. He explained that she had gotten out of a rough relationship and he wanted to make sure she was okay when it happened. That's how they became close. He explained that they would hang out all the time and eventually she became obsessed with him. Well during my phone call with her, I heard a very different story. Yes, they met in school and initially started off as friends. But, slowly with time as they started to spend more and more time together, they started to catch feelings. He said I love you first. And she proved this with screenshots. She also sent me pictures of them holding hands and kissing. She explained that they never officially started dating but they definitely were more than just friends. Their relationship was much more physical and romantic than platonic. She also told me that they had hooked up about 3 times. She explained that they had eachothers location and pretty frequently they would make plans then he would last minute cancel. So she would see what he was doing and would see him at two very specific addresses. Visiting my work or my apartment. She eventually asked him where he was and he told her that I was his cousin and was trying to get out of a rough relationship so he was helping me. I felt sick. No wonder why she was "obsessed" he was borderline dating her, telling her he loved her, and then started to ditch her when he made things official with me. Then it killed me to realize that even though they never had an official title, he was dating the two of us at the same time. I didn't know what to do. I ended up apologizing to her for everything he did and told her I never would have agreed to be his if I knew he was entertaining someone else. Michael overheard this phone call between us and looked like he had seen a ghost after. All he did was started crying, said she was lying, and that she was only a friend. I asked "so....these screenshots and pictures are all made up?" No response. He knew he was busted.
I decided I needed to take some time to process that information and I didn't want to say something I would regret. I let him stay at my place because he had nowhere else to go and I went to stay with a friend. He kept calling and texting but I couldn't deal with it. I cried all night. I was a mess. I should have just accepted that I was cheated on and lied to but I couldn't leave. I needed to know the truth. So I kept reaching out. Next up was Jen. I never was able to reach her, but I found out through Michael and Beth that Jen was Beth's best friend. But even more than that, I found out the three of them had a threesome together. He had told me previously that he had never been interested in a threesome and would never want to have one. Then I found out not only did he have one and lied about it, but it was with two girls he told me were just friends.
I went back to my apartment the next day and tried to talk stuff out. He just continued to say they were just friends. I finally snapped. I screamed and cried and told him that I just wanted to know the truth. That I deserved the truth. He looked me in the eyes, pinky promised me no more lies. We talked for a while and basically he explained that he never had an official title with Beth. They were very close but he basically just used her to pass time because he had nothing better to do. He said he loved her because that's what she wanted to hear and he treated her like a partner without ever having any real feelings for her. He knew as soon as he met me that he wanted me but didn't want to hurt her so he just kind of pushed her to the side but kept her in the picture. I felt so sad for her. He used her. He led her on. He treated her like an object and then threw her to the side when he met me.I asked why he lied about having a threesome. He said he felt ashamed Apparently they started to do it and then he chickened out so he didn't really count it. That made sense to me. I was pissed that he lied but at least it made sense. Next I asked why he told me Beth and Jen were just friends instead of being honest about the relationship. He said he never had feelings for either and they never had the official title so he didn't think it was important and he did not want to scare me off. I explained to him that although I understand why he lied to me, I didn't forgive him. I warned him that I would not tolerate anymore lies and obviously for the time being I did not trust him. I told him I wouldn't break up with him but if I found out he lied again, he would lose me. I also told him I considered what he did as cheating since he was seeing us at the same time after him and I became mutually exclusive. After we concluded our conversation about Beth and Jen, I started thinking about molly and the messages I had seen. I asked him what their relationship was, he said just friends. I freaked and told him to give me his phone. I found their old messages and told him to read them. "Hey goofball, you awake? Well if you're not I have something impossible to say to you. You are my sun, my moon, and all my stars. I love you lots and want you to know that no matter what happens I will always care about you. To me you are perfect. Amazing. And attractive asf. You are also very sweet and caring and adorable. Don't think about the negative things about yourself that will drag you down. You are way more than that. This is an official goodnight and I love you goofball." This is just one of the MANY messages sent back and forward. He reads the conversation and just goes oh. He then says he didn't remember any of that happening. We began to argue and the story he tried to spin was that his life must have been so traumatic that his brain literally deleted his past memories and replaced them with false memories where he didn't do these things that he is ashamed of. He got caught in lies and after so long was just like...whoa I did that? I had no idea I didn't remember. Technically I didn't lie because I told what I thought the truth was the way I remembered it. I told him I wanted to break up and he cried and begged me to forgive him and stay. I listened.i tried to move on and make things normal again but I couldn't stop thinking about all the lies and what else he might have been lying about. Then randomly one day, Molly added me back on social media. She was the last and took over 1.5 months so honestly I figured I'd never get ahold of her. I was genuinely surprised to see her show up on my friend list and reached out. Once again back story, he told me that she lived in Wisconin and they had never met. He said he was also using her for nudes and to pass time, same way he used Beth. He had told me that he removed her off social media months before him and I even met and aside from that one night she reached out, he hadn't heard from her in forever. I found out from her that she did not live in Wisconsin, she lived in the same state as us That to her, they were definitely dating and in love. I also saw a messaged saved on snapchat where he had been texting her in October (after we met) and even sent her the same pickup lines he had sent me. he had cheated with not just one, but two (at least that I know of) other girls.
At this point I had been broken so bad I didn't even feel the pain anymore. I just went numb. I had no more tears left to cry and couldn't be bothered to care anymore. I stopped eating and taking care of myself. I just went to work, came home, slept and repeated. I had watched the man that I loved and adored, one that made me feel so safe and happy turn into a monster right in front of me. He wasn't him anymore. I finally could see him for who he was. But I still didn't leave. He told me that he had only ever slept with three girls. I later found out it was actually six. He told me he had never been in love before. I later found out he tells basically every girl he's ever talked to that he loves them AND genuinely was in love with his ex before me. He told me after his ex and him broke up, he had a rebound but he only hooked up with her once before ghosting her. I found out they actually dated for several weeks, hooked up several times, and she had taken cute couple pictures with him and posted them on social media. He said that he never wanted to take those pictures, she made him put his Hands on her and pose and if he didn't cooperate, she would throw a tantrum like a child. One last thing I think that is important to mention,when we went on our first date, I told him I don't do hookups. We stayed out late and hit it off really well so I offered for him to stay the night at my place. I said I was okay with cuddling and whatever but I did not want to have sex. He seemed okay with it. I went to bed and then when I woke up, my pants were off and he was inside me. He claimed he didn't know I was asleep and thought I wanted it because apparently my butt kept rubbing against him while we were spooning.
It's been about a month since all that and I'm still just meh. I haven't exactly forgiven him but I also don't hate him. Things are normal. I act normal we still do couple things. But I can't help but wonder if he is just using me the same way he used them. I mean after all, he lives in my apartment rent free and asked me to buy him a truck for his birthday. He says I should forgive him because he genuinely doesn't remember doing these things and he didn't mean to lie to me. He said he's so ashamed of who he was but isn't like that anymore. He doesn't associate with who he was and wants to be given a chance to show that he is different. But can I ever forgive him? Should I? Where do I go from here? I feel so lost and confused. I dont think I'll ever be able to trust his word again. I dont feel secure. He broke me so bad I can't even feel anymore. Am I crazy and somehow making this a bigger deal than it is? Can I ever have the man I fell in love with back? I'm sorry if this was confusing. I'm typing this all out in one sitting. Please help me because I genuinely am so lost and I don't want to tell any friends because I don't want them to hate him.
TLDR: My boyfriend cheated on me with at least two other girls that I know of at the moment and has lied to me about too many things to count. His argument is that It doesn't actually count as cheating because he technically didn't date these people and he didn't remember doing it.

Just curious does anybody else just keeping getting Matches with Asians girls on OKCupid that are just clearly bots. I’m literally getting them every second or third person im swiping on then when I do manage to get a match it’s one of them stupid Bots. Is there anyway of stopping the app from suggesting them to me?